I believe a close friend of mine is what triggered this.
I'm addicted to validation, because it is the proof that I'm worthy. That I'm more outside pre defined definitions.
I'm not smart, until someone tells me I am/a outcome occurs that proves that I am. I'm not pretty unless a person/outcome occurs that proves I am.
And it works the other way around, if an outcome/person tells me a negative thing about myself, I'll believe it. Especially if it's an outcome.
Honestly, it's the reason I bredcrum. The idea of someone having a crush on me is like crack, yet I'm too scared to try out a real relationship. So, I'll flirt, play around, and keep someone on my leash as long as possible. When I see them lose interest, when I see them eventually leave that toxic trap, I get upset. Because now my attention is gone.
Second example. Funny. A normally positive definition for someone, but it's haunted me for years. Because that's all I'm known as. In 5th grade, we had an assignment where you put a sticky note on someone's desk, giving them a compliment. All I got was "Funny". Not smart, not cool, not pretty even. Funny.
To dive back into the first sentence of this post, a friend that I was really happy with because I felt like she got a "deeper" side of me, could only bring up something "funny" I did. The topic happened to be about "our major friendship events of the year", and hoe we saw eachother.
Was I mad? No, just disappointed. Again. I feel like my only worth to some people is my jokes. I do have a sly sense of humor, making a out of pocket joke out of anything, but it's become more of a trauma response when I don't feel like I'm getting attention.
I'm a bit like a car, constantly needed fuel aka attention. I can run for a bit with some, but eventually it'll need to be refilled. Depending on my life, I might need my "gas tank" filled more often. And when I don't get that, I shut down. Self isolation, thinking the worse, anxious, looking down on myself.
Now, I'll talk about the positive side, because I am deciding to be better so...
1) I might be hanging out with the wrong crowd. Lately, it seems like I've been doing better with the "weird" kids, rather than the more "normal" people I hang with. One of my friends said before she talked to me, I seemed like a really cool person. That compliment was rejuvenating. I've opened up to her, but since I'm switching schools, its going to be harder to talk (or not, who knows?)
I do have the desire to be liked by everyone, and I wish I could just "morph" into the most likeable version of myself for each specific person.
2) Self trust and worthiness. I've been working on following through with the things I want to do, and doing little favors for my future self. I'm looking at myself more as a friend, than a stranger. Still a WIP, but Km doing better when it comes to understanding "future me", and making decisions that would benefit her. I know that I can't expect different results with the same actions so, I'm taking little steps to take care of myself.
3) Shadow work, trauma responses, triggers. I've been writing more poems, and letting my thoughts ramble. I've always been identifying triggers, but lately I've been really thinking about them. As in, an objective rather than emotional manner.
After that extremely long ramble, I guess I'm wondering what steps to take here. Social life is hard lol. I have a deep desire to make a "mark" on this world, and for people to see how great I am, but being chalked down to "funny" hurts my soul... even though I placed that on myself.

I'm sure that title sounds a little melodramatic but I'll try to make a fairly succinct point to go with the sentiment.
I have spent so much time on earth waiting for something to happen to me. I think we all subconsciously think in our heads, one day, maybe with a little effort and good intentions, our life will come out alright. Nice and clean. Our life will finally be ready to be lived like a story, with a linear progression, everything falling into its place, eventually.
Of course anyone reading this that has been through any heartache in life knows that there is no beginning, middle and end. There are babies born every minute with decisions already made for them. There are good people dying every day who were perfectly decent if not understandably flawed, who had their life taken for no reason, suddenly. If they were lucky, they never saw it coming. Just like my brother, who died a month ago from an accidental overdose in a bathtub. He went to take a bath, made a wrong choice and.. that was that.
I don't know why I'm writing this. There's a lot of things happening in my life right now, but I know there's someone out there with this mindset I'm getting ready to address and I believe it may help some of you, who are as stubborn and set in their ways as I am, to come loose from the idea you hold so tight to and try and learn, along with me, how to take each minute as it passes.
Every word you've read this far is in the past. You can go back and reread it, but it's already there casting shadows in your subconscious. Every day you live, you're expecting something new to happen, if you're not expecting novelty, you may be expecting the same comforts or sorrows you face all the time. I want to say to you now: There is nothing you know or see, or will know or have seen, that will set itself in stone before the heavy hand of time erodes your expectations back down to the bedrock.
There's a human right now, lying in a soggy sleeping bag under a bridge, thinking about a women he loved years ago and to be antithetical, there's a human lying in a king sized bed in one of his many bedrooms, thinking of nothing or plagued by symptoms of the same thing the man under the bridge is plagued with.. Life, in all its thievery and abundance, is being placed in front of you one block at a time, measured in moments. What does it take for a person to be happy?
"There are some mistakes too monstrous for remorse to tamper or to dally with" - Edward Arlington Robinson
If you have ever made a mistake or a choice in your life that you regret and all that regret does is cause more pain to bubble up and faster inside you to come out as more poor choices, do away with your regret and start making new, better choices.
Imagine being in a blank room. A prison cell. A place with only your memories and nothing new but tye indents in the concrete walls to show you any more newness, until eventually even the walls are mapped in your mind, every contrasting bubble or imperfections. Pardeolia creating warped faces at you, mocking you from inside your evolved simian brain. At one time in your evolutionary journey, you needed those instincts, to see threats in the darkness, but now we have shines a light on all things, and hidden the things we deem uncomfortable. Now, we sit in a prison of choices, but not choices for life. Choices for moments. What kind of food do you want, what color shirt will you wear, what movie will you watch?
We were not meant to live lives like this, but we have no choice anymore. Society is a runaway vehicle, with nothing to crash into, forever building tension and suspense. That's why some many of us are so nervous and uncomfortable here. There's danger, but it isn't coming from the darkness anymore. It's not predation or a scourge or a war, at least not for the Americans. Not just now.
I'm begging anyone who is having a hard time.. Anyone who has made true mistakes and regretsbtjose mistakes. Anyone who feels like it's hopeless, just keep doing anything. I don't care what it is. Try and make it something nice and useful. Be kind. THINK about what you're doing. You and your girlfriend are arguing? Find some way to make it okay andbif it can't be okay, be okay with the idea that it isn't okay and turn your mind to the next thing. Are you waiting on life changing news? A diagnosis? A prison sentence? Something awful? Something great? It will be there, when it gets there. For now, there are sights and sounds that you cannot predict, coming for you at all angles. Appreciate that. Embrace whatever this is and be at peace with it. I don't care what you believe, you cannot tell me you know anything for sure. I know that I will learn and cry and be surprised and not so surprised until the day I leave this world. I watch my son and my parents learn about life at the same pace. There is no learning curve, except for perspective.
I wrote all this and doubt it will be read by many and it doesn't mean anything really..
I wanted to take some of my precious time to tell you, whoever you are, that you are going to be okay. Whether you are well-off, happy, miserable, terminally I'll or just browsing your phone. One day, something bad will happen. One day something good will happen. One day, you will struggle to understand. One day, you will stand in the midst of all knowing.
I am not preaching so much as I am imploring you, admittedly rambling a bit, to take your life as it comes. When you feel you are at the worst points in life, just keep going. It will end eventually and you'll be okay then as well. Hug your family. Love each other. If you make a mistake, try to make it right, but if you can't, move on with better goals. Make this world better than it is, because we all have to live in it.
That's all I wanted to vomit out at the moment. I love you for being human. Know who you are and accept it. Don't run. There's absolutely nowhere to go. Just ride it out until there's a sudden and heavenly release of your tension. One day, you'll have to let go. Start practicing for that moment. Believe me, there's plenty of practice.
Be well. ❤️

I don’t know what flair to use anymore. I feel like we’re strangers now so I’ll go with that. Once upon a time it would have been crushes but we’re well past that.
I hope you're doing well. I'm hanging in there despite still being unemployed at the moment. The good news is that I'm starting to hear back from some places, so hopefully, I'll have a job soon. I think it's for the best that we’re no longer working together. It would have been awkward to continue with those lingering feelings.
Having this free time has allowed me to focus on my music. I remember our conversations about music, especially our shared love for Bon Iver. I mentioned I was writing some songs and hoped you’d hear them someday. You seemed to think that was cool. What I didn’t tell you was that two of those songs were about you, and that was how I planned to confess my feelings…once I found another job and resigned so it would be appropriate.
Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned. I didn’t mean to drunkenly admit my feelings and put you in an awkward position with those texts, leading to my termination. I understand why you had to protect yourself and your job, and I don’t hold any resentment towards you for that. In fact, I’m glad you still have your job because I think it would be even harder for you to find something with comparable pay in this job market. It’s certainly been tough for me, and I’ll likely have to settle for less.
I’m sure you knew how I felt even before I admitted it, and I sensed that you might have had feelings too. But I crossed a line and made things uncomfortable, and for that, I’m truly sorry.
Maybe eventually, you'll be willing to speak to me again. Talking to you was always the highlight of my days. You didn’t seem to mind my frequent visits to your office. I cherished our playful banter and the way you would always mess with me. I feel like I’ve lost a dear friend.
Take care, F :)
(Signed with a smile like I always did on paper.)

Hello again velo, It's me. The guy that rides uphill in Japan. On my last post I mentioned some differences in racing in Japan saying it was for another post. Well, there appeared to be some interest in me making that post. As I mentioned then... I tend to ramble. I'm an English teacher at a small high school which leaves me with a lot of free time. I enjoy spending that time researching anything from training methodology to obscure Japanese history. I decided to use some of that time to write about road racing in Japan and it turned into... well, whatever this is. It's (sort of) a guide to racing your bike over here. I've organized it into sections, so feel free to read it all or skip through them. At the end I've attached racing adjacent notes as well as a small bio.
If this post is not appropriate for this subreddit, I understand. And while I don't want to self-promote I spend most of my time reading about Japan not only because I live here, but also because my wife and I host a podcast. We mostly ramble about our lives here as foreigners. It's mostly cultural, but as long time competetive cyclists we often talk about bikes too. We host a website where I write random articles, which is where this is ultimately hosted, with photos. If you're curious you can google my username and find us.
I tried to think about things I've learned along the way and put it into writing for anyone in the future that might move to Japan and have an interest in racing. If you have any questions or see any information gaps, feel free to ask! In September we'll be moving to the Netherlands... so maybe I'll have to do this all over again then. Anyway, without further rambling, here it is.
Race License
There are actually quite a lot of road events throughout the country. However, many are marketed towards recreational cyclists. Going as far as incorporating anti-competition clauses in their rules. So what do you do if you want to race? For starters, you’ll head to the Japan Cycling Federation’s website and register for a license. It’s in Japanese, but with the magic of Google Translate it shouldn’t be too hard to navigate. This is also for those currently residing in Japan. I think otherwise you would need an international license issued from your country’s governing body.
While on their website you can check the calendar of events that are scheduled. But, it’s not as simple as where I am from (USA) where once you have a license you can register yourself for almost any event and just show up.
Race Organizers
In most cases while the JCF is the licensing body, they are not the event coordinator. Events are hosted by a number of different governing bodies within the country. There’s the Japan Intercollegiate Cycling Federation (JICF), Japan Cycling League (JCL), prefectural federations such as the Yamaguchi Cycling Federation and finally the Japan Bicyclist Club Federation (JBCF). There are a lot of Js, Cs and Fs in the acronym lexicon over here. In this post I’ll be focusing on the JBCF because it was sold to me as Japan’s premier race organizer and the highest level of racing in Japan. It also seems to have the most robust calendar of events.
Declaration of my bias and shortcoming: The JBCF is the only organizer I’ve had any meaningful experience with. No, they’re not paying me. However I have won a cool towel, a coffee cup and some bar tape at their events. Actually I’ve given them quite a bit of money…
Teams
So you’ve got your JCF license and like me you’ve decided to participate in the JBCF. What’s next? Register for a JBCF account, sign up for events, race your bike? Almost. You do need to register for an account. After that, you need to find a team. That’s right, you need to be registered with a JBCF team to participate in races. This was a surprise to me and also a barrier to entry at first. As a new resident of Japan I didn’t know anyone here let alone a team that would let a random foreigner join.
How’d I do it then? Well, the first team I joined was through a friend of a friend of a friend. My second and current team I ended up getting to know because I took a bunch of KOMs around my new home. I guess Strava KOMs are worth something after all. If you’re looking for a team you could start by asking local shops, they often have a club organization that you can sign up for. If you’re desperate you can also make your own team. It used to only require two people, but I think they increased that to three or four.
Costs
I’m writing this in May of 2024, so the costs will be current as of that month. The USD to JPY conversion is sitting around 1 USD = 155 JPY.
Your first cost will be the JCF license fee. In my case, an elite rider over 23 years old, it was 5,000y for an e-license and 6,300y for the physical one. My first year I used the e-license, but my second year I paid for the physical one as a cool souvenir.
Beyond the license. You’ll need a team kit (bibs & jersey) and you may also be required to pay the athlete registration fee. To join my E1 team in 2024 I paid 43,000 yen. That included one team kit and the registration fee plus some small accessories (gloves, bottle, etc.). In E1 I paid all my own entry fees, which were approximately 8,500y per race.
My JPT experience was a special case. I paid roughly $1,200 (usd). But I received two kits (jerseys & bibs), a speed suit (SS skinsuit), windbreaker, vest, socks, etc. I also had the benefit of the “pro” treatment at races with lots of assistance. Was it a cold rainy day? I could ask for embro and they’d oil me up with a little massage. Needed a bike wash, snacks, or a trainer to warm up on? All provided. And all of my entry fees were covered. I never paid those out of pocket. It was a really cool experience and honestly I think I got my money's worth just in the races that I attended, let alone all the extras. Plus the team was above and beyond hospitable. A really great bunch of people.
Categories
Once you’re on a team you’re good to go! So which category should you race in? The JBCF has 5 big categories: Japan Pro Tour (JPT), Japan Elite Tour (JET), Japan Feminin Tour (F), Japan Youth Tour (Y1 & Y2), and the Japan Masters Tour (M). JET is further broken down into E1, E2 & E3. The general idea is male riders start as E3 and through results they work their way up to E1. If they’re highly motivated they’ll target a placement on a JPT Team.
Unfortunately for the women, I believe there is only one lump “Female” category. But in one of my most recent races a woman lined up with us for our race start. So that may be an option. For the Youth there’s U19 & U17. Masters is similar to the women’s category and I believe there is simply one “Masters” event, without age ranges.
Using what I know (USA Cycling Categories) I’ll try to make a comparison. E3 is your Cat 4/5 or Novice rank. E2 is around Cat 3/4 and E1 is roughly one big P/1/2/3 field. JPT is something like the US’s Domestic Elite field. Some JPT teams (and even some E1 teams) are UCI Continental teams. Although, honestly, some JPT riders are probably equivalent to strong Cat 3s.
In America I raced as a Cat 2 on the road, albeit I was a pretty weak 2. My first year in Japan I raced JPT and was able to hang in the peloton and finish events. My second year I raced as an E1, where I was very competitive and able to fight for podium finishes. That’s my experience and my basis for the above comparisons.
Events
Once you’ve got all the above figured out, it’s time to finally race! The JBCF organizes the following events: Road, Criterium, Hill Climb, Time Trial and Track. Criterium, Time Trial & Track are pretty similar to what you’d find anywhere else in the world. So for this post I’ll really just focus on Road and Hill Climb.
It’s worth noting that except for track, all of these events take place on public roads. But, unlike the USA, it seems the general rule in Japan is that for a race to be a “race” the roads need to be closed to traffic. Sounds great, right? Right! Or, mostly. Japan is a beautiful country with incredible scenery and fantastic road riding. Unfortunately, the JBCF uses very little of this. I think to minimize inconveniencing locals, cut costs, and make their lives easier, most of these events will take place on already closed circuits or around agricultural land (where no one lives or drives anyway). In practice they are “public” roads, but they only need to shut down one or two entrances to close off the entire loop.
Many “road” events are just very long short circuit races. A popular venue that hosts multiple races throughout the season is the Gunma Cycle Sports Center. This is a defunct cycling theme park built in the 1980s with a paved 6 km circuit. Some of the races in the higher categories can be up to 150 km! That’s 25 laps! And, they’ll be pulling riders. When I was racing JPT it was often a big accomplishment just to finish a race. It was a common occurrence for a break to get established with the big teams represented and the rest of the field to sit up, inevitably getting pulled before being lapped. It’s not uncommon for well over half of the field to DNF early on in these longer races. Sometimes to add a little spice to your life, they’ll run the course in the opposite direction one weekend.
So, I’m biased, but that style of “road racing” wasn’t for me. That’s what led me to the Hill Climb. At first, I thought it was just an uphill TT. But, it's a mass start! The last one I did was Mt. Ontake HC which was a 17.7km race gaining 1,150 meters in elevation finishing at an altitude just under 2,200m. I finished in 51 minutes. It’s more like an uphill criterium. You might explode, but you won’t get pulled. It’s also, of course, point to point.
Good things to know about a Hill Climb are the controlled descent and luggage delivery. When you finish you’ll be waiting at the top of the climb for all other riders and categories to finish. Sometimes this means you’re waiting for an hour or more! Thankfully the morning of the race you can give a bag to the organizers and they will deliver it to the top of the mountain. This is a great way to make sure you have extra layers and snacks waiting for you. Just make sure it’s packed in a bag that you can then easily carry with you on the descent.
Be extra mindful of the forecast. At Ontake in 2024 we started at the base of the mountain in temperatures around 16 celsius. At the summit it was 7 degrees and it started to rain! Thankfully I had a teammate who had driven to the top (you must register your vehicle) and he gave me a lift back down. If you’re riding down, the descent will be done in waves which are chaperoned and controlled by officials on motorcycles.
Registering
I can only tell you my experience and I’m not certain that this is how it always works. When I was in the JPT, I never paid for an event. Each team could send six riders and the team manager made a selection based on which riders requested to go to which event, they would then register you to go. In my E1 team I haven’t run into any rider maximums (we only have a few E1 riders), and I pay for each event. I still tell the team’s manager which event I want to travel to, they register me, but then I pay them back.
The Day Of
The JBCF events have been very organized. The week before they will release a list of registered riders along with a technical guide. The technical guide will include information about the course, where to park, where to check in, how to pin your numbers and more. It’s only in Japanese. Google Translate will be your best friend. Or if you’re lucky you may have a teammate that can speak some English and help you out.
Usually the check in process begins a couple of hours before the start time. You’ll go to license control and pick up your numbers and timing chip. If you’re doing a hill climb and need to, this is also the period of time you drop off your luggage to be taken to the summit. Get kitted & pinned up, then go to the “vehicle control”. They will check your bike against a jig, kind of like what the UCI might use, as well as check the weight (take your bottles off the bike when you hand it to them) and make sure your numbers are pinned correctly. A keen eyed inspector may even look at your helmet to make sure it has the JCF certification sticker. You could possibly be told to change helmets if yours doesn’t have the sticker. When they tell you that everything is OK, you’ll go to the table and sign the box with your name.
There are also meetings that will be happening. But, you shouldn’t have to worry about that. If the team manager can’t be present they will send an “attendant”. This person is responsible for going to the meetings and reporting back to the riders.
Podiums & Prizes
Look how far you’ve come. After all that you’re headed to the podium, which in many events will be six deep. What should you expect? Maybe a cool trophy or a medal? It’s even better. How about a formal certificate signed and stamped by the JBCF President! That’s right, you’ll be receiving an A4 sheet of paper. And yes, when they hand it to you they’ll turn it to face you, use both hands to hand it over and bow. And yes, you should receive it with both hands and bow in return. I plan to frame and hang mine like some kind of college diploma. You’ll probably receive a prize as well. Something like what I mentioned earlier in this post, a towel, cup, umbrella, etc.
Where’s the money? If you want to hold a giant cheque with a big number (because it’s in yen) you’ll need to be racing in the top category, JPT. In this category the podium is only three deep. One time in a race I had a teammate finish 3rd and win some money. I never saw any of it, which was fair as I didn’t really contribute to his result. And I never podiumed myself. So I’m not sure how the payout actually works. Did he get to keep it all? Did the team take it? Who knows. I hope he kept it all, he’s a great guy.
Other Notes
Gachinko Cycle TV & Photo Galleries. Almost all JBCF events are live streamed & archived on YouTube! There’s a company called Gachinko Cycle TV that provides coverage. This includes camera motos as well as stationary cameras. A lot of photographers also come to the events and a photo gallery is posted on the JBCF website after the events take place.
Events & Categories. Not every event will be run for every category. A motivator for me to move from JPT to E1 was that not every hill climb has a JPT category, but they all seem to have E1. My first time racing at Ontake I was in the “Open” category and not eligible for any points or placement.
Outlier events. There are some events like the Niseko Classic (Gran Fondo World Championship Qualifier) and the Tour of Okinawa. These are one off events which are not part of the JBCF or any other federation I mentioned above. But, they are “real” road races on closed roads. There are also plenty of “cookie” rides. But be aware, like mentioned earlier, many of these explicitly say you shouldn’t come and try to ride for a certain time. I think it’s related to what I’ve been told about races having to take place on closed roads. These cookie rides likely have no traffic control. And instead of a cookie, you might get a bag of dry rice to cook later. Happened to me once.
The Hill Climb might be Japan’s most accessible event. There are actually quite a few of them around the country outside of the JBCF and they can be registered for on SportsEntry - I don’t think you need a JCF license.
What about other disciplines? I’ll toss this in here at the end because I think it’s worth mentioning. If you’re not racing Track, Cyclocross or Road… you’re not going to be doing much racing. Mountain biking is still very much in its infancy here in Japan. Despite its incredible landscape, there’s a shocking lack of good mountain biking. My wife and I moved here from Western North Carolina and she’s a former Age Group XC National Champion as well as podium finisher in events like the Pisgah Stage Race and Collegiate Nationals in STXC, XC & Omnium. So believe me, we have tried to find some good mountain biking here and it’s rough.
There are some lift-access downhill courses and we actually went to one for a “gravel” race which my wife won. This was held on what was essentially a non-technical STXC course. Disappointing is a bit of an understatement. There IS Grinduro Japan… but it’s insanely expensive and again, not really a race.
This honestly has had a big impact on our decision to ultimately move away from Japan. But, keep an eye out for developments in places like: https://www.minamialpsmtb.com/ https://namba.ngo/ https://www.nsd-hakuba.jp/iwatake_mtb_park/en/
Cyclocross has a big following in Japan and the calendar appears to be full of events throughout the season. If we were staying long term, I’d be buying a cross bike. Unfortunately I don’t have one, so I never got into that scene while living here.
Although this is mostly about racing in Japan, if you come here to race you’ll also (hopefully) be riding your bike for fun. Please be aware some laws work differently here. Although I’ve never personally run into trouble I’ve been told things like: bikes MUST use the crosswalk if turning across traffic (no turning like a car turns) & that bikes CANNOT exceed 30 km/h (a bike shop owner told me this). My wife and I have often talked about this as well… while in the USA drivers can be malicious towards cyclists, Japanese drivers are often blissfully ignorant towards them. Always ride defensively. Drivers will make eye contact with you and proceed to pull out in front of you expecting you to either not be traveling with speed or to stop for them. Even in “polite” Japan, the Car is King. I’ve had far more close calls with drivers here than I had in America. Having said that, it’s still a wonderful country to explore by bike.
Who Am I?
If you read all of this, thanks! I hope that you learned a little bit about road racing in Japan. But, who am I? I’m an American from Western North Carolina, now living in Japan. Ishikawa Prefecture to be specific. I’ve been a cyclist since 2011 when I bought my first road bike. In America I’m a Cat 2 on the road and an XC MTB Cat 1 with extensive experience training for and racing in a variety of disciplines. Road riding and racing is my true love and I honestly only got into MTB to hang out with my girlfriend. I guess it was worth it because the only National Championship medals I have are from Team Relay & Team Omnium. Oh, we ended up getting married too. So that was cool. I also got into the gravel craze thanks to the plethora of racing options in the South East. I’ve stood on multiple podiums with the internet’s favorite privateer, Dylan Johnson. And I’ve dabbled in bikepacking, bike touring & ultra endurance riding. Really, I’m just a guy that thinks about bikes too much.

I recently posted an analysis of input lag on the 4KP, and I'm back with more accurate data. I'm also using this post to share some info on two popular after-market replacement buttons. Read on if you're interested, skip if not, but I did the work for myself anyway, so I thought I'd share with you all.
This is specifically going to be a look at aftermarket button options and then at total input lag for a selection of native tables. I'll be focusing on OTG lag and tweaking VPX/FX settings next time.

What's New?

Just as a quick TLDR from my last post, I'm trying a bunch of stuff to try and minize total input lag as much as possible, mainly for OTG use. My input lag measuring methodology was: high speed camera method, using iOS app "Is it Snappy?," tagging the input frame as the frame where the button was fully pressed in, and the output frame as the frame where flipper movement was first seen. So basically an imprecise start frame and a precise final frame.
Well, turns out we can have a precise first frame as well. I put together a quick breadboard circuit setup (details at the very end of this post) that adds in an LED light to indicate the precise moment when the button was actuated.

Solenoid LEDs

It turns out you don't even need a breadboard or electronics skills to get much more accurate, consistent, input lag measurements than I was getting by eyeballing the button. If you have your solenoids turned on, then there will be a pair of red LEDs on one of the controller boards that light up every time you push the flipper button. To be clear, these are solenoid lights, so they won't trigger if you have your solenoids turned off. Just remove the control deck, hit the flipper button, and the lights will be easy to spot. Now the caveat here is that these lights do trigger ~4-8ms (1-2 frames at 240fps) after the breadboard light (and thus after actuation), so you should build that additional lag amount in to your measurements if you use this method.

Aftermarket Button Options

Imgur Album
One big point of discussion around input lag (maybe more on YT than here) has been the flipper buttons. Are the stock buttons bad? Which aftermarket option is best? Do these completely fix flipper lag as some videos have claimed? Does any of this really matter?
The answer to the last one is: "Kind of. Maybe." I have three buttons that I've been playing with. The stock clicky button, the popular "gold leaf" button, and the much-praised "leaf" button. I sourced these from the usual eBay sellers.
Button Characteristics
I used a digital caliper to measure some key numbers for these buttons. Total travel distance is the distance that the button is capable of traveling, from unpushed to bottomed out. The actuation point is the distance into the button press that the button completes the circuit and sends the flip signal to the machine. This is all as accurate as I could get, but there's always some literal wiggle room when taking measurements like this.

Button	Actuation Point	Total Travel Distance
Stock	~1.75mm	~3.7mm
Gold Leaf	~1.75mm	~3.7mm
Leaf	~1mm	~3mm

Stock button:
There is a Baolian/Bao-Lian brand black clicky mechanical switch inside the button, with silver-colored contacts. It has low push resistance overall that increases leading up to the click, and peaks at the click, with low post-click resistance. See the album for a dissambled white stock button and a look at the Baolian switch.
Honestly, I don't like the stock button because it's clicky, and pinball flipper buttons shouldn't be clicky.
Oh, and the click happens 2mm into the button push, so it clicks actually after it actuates.
Gold leaf button:
Essentially identical to the stock button in terms of basic push characteristics, but there's no click, and the contacts are gold-colored instead of silver-colored. There is a Baolian grey linear switch inside the button. They are quiet and smooth, with a low push resistance that is consistent throughout the push.
I'm not sure if the contacts are just gold-colored, or if they're actually gold plated. Even if they are truly gold plated, that isn't going to make a meaningful impact on response time or lag. This button and the stock button have exactly the same actuation point and total travel distance.
The lack of a click makes these an easy winner for me over the stock buttons. I like them, and they make for an easy drop-in replacement for the stock buttons.
Leaf button:
Uses an actual old-school leaf switch mechanism, so this also has no click. See the Imgur album for a demonstration video. It has a much higher push resistance than either of the other two, and it comes in two stages. A lighter pre-actuation stage, and then a heavier post-actuation stage as you transition from pushing one contact arm to pushing both arms. It's actually surprisingly tough to bottom out compared to the low-effort bottom out on the others. It does make a small amount of noise due to various parts rubbing together and bending, but I'd say not really loud enough to hear when installed.
The leaf button has shorter pre-actuation travel than the other options, so it wins for "speed" by ~.75mm. How much that actually matters in terms of perceived lag is very much up for debate, but I expect it's a small impact.
Personally, I'm not a big fan of the extra resistance these buttons have. My sweet spot is the gold leaf button.
Input Lag Impact:
Actuation is actuation. Your button choice doesn't affect lag once the button has been actuated, so if you want to do absolutely everything you can to minimize perceived input lag, go with the leaf switches. I'm sure you can claw back a few milliseconds, but it probably won't make much difference overall, and it definitely won't solve the lag problem altogether as certain YouTube videos suggest. The real lag isn't happening between 1mm and 1.75mm of the button press.
There has long been a related discussion in MechanicalKeyboards, with "normal" switches compared against "speed" switches that have a shorter actuation distance, and the consensus there is that the shorter throw "speed" switches don't actually improve your gaming performance in a meaningful way. I expect it's not that different here.
If you want the button that feels most authentic to modern physical pinball machines, go with the gold leaf buttons. That's what I'll probably stick with.

More Accurate Input Lag Data for Native Tables

Here I'm looking at a variety of stock/native tables, with a deeper dive into OTG coming later. One last quick note - I hate how the total lag measures seem to vary over time, but they do. In the past, I've captured total input lag times for Dino Dynasty as low as about 50ms, but I didn't capture anything that low this time.
Software version 2.16.6. Measurements taken using my breadboard LED indicator for the most accurate possible results. The individual measurement error is ±~6ms, and I've gathered anywhere from 5 to 15 measurements for each table, and I threw in the 95% confidence interval data for any stats heads out there.

Table	Type	Average Total Input Lag (ms)	95% CI (ms)
Dinosaur Dynasty	Magic Pixel	72.5	± 3.27
Ice Age	Magic Pixel	68.4	± 7.33
Attack from Mars (with effects)	Zen	139.5	± 5.46
Attack from Mars (no effects)	Zen	135.0	± 7.33
Star Trek Deep Space 9	Zen	145.3	± 7.33
Star Trek Discovery	Zen	137.5	± 7.33
Star Trek Kelvin Timeline	Zen	138.9	± 7.33
Tee'd off	Gottlieb	54.2	± 7.33
Space Invaders	Taito	69.2	± 7.33

I'm personally looking at ~100ms of total input lag as the benchmark for maximum acceptable lag, and below ~50ms total lag as the ideal range.
There's nothing shocking here. I just wanted to provide more accurate data. The Magic Pixel tables get a passing score, as do the native Gottlieb and Taito tables. Zen, of course, is still the problem. It's interesting how small of an improvement I got from disabling the table effects on Attack from Mars.
That's it! Thanks for reading and I hope this was interesting for at least one of you.
Breadboard Setup
A red LED in series with 50k ohms worth of resistors, with wires going to the button terminals, putting the whole setup in parallel with the button. The buttons are NC (normally closed) buttons, so the led light will be on by default and turn off when the button is actuated. The system is also very sensitive, reading even small drops in voltage as a button press. 50k ohms was the magic number where the system finally worked. Anything below that and the system was interpreting the voltage drop caused by the mere presence of the LED circuit as a button press due.

Somebody requested that I write down some resources for Dzogchen in the sidebar, so I thought I would do a post as well to give a sort of background and offer anyone else the chance to get in on the conversation or building of resources too...
But first,

A Word on Secrecy, Safety Maturity, and Cults

I'm writing this post out by request of someone who messaged me, with the intention of reaching a wider audience, or all beings, who could benefit from learning about these teachings. I have to caution, though, that they may not be for everybody, and in that regard, I would advise gentleness, with yourself and others, with regards to this path. Please take care of yourself, and keep a measure of your own mind with regard to your mental health and these practices. I wish that those who read this post are only those who it may help, and I apologize preemptively to all those it may hurt, or if I've made any mistakes in my writing.
With that in mind, I can maybe share a little bit about the secrecy aspect of what is called Vajrayana. Someone who learns about these practices but does not genuinely practice them can generate obstacles to their own awakening; specifically with Dzogchen, there is a real danger of intellectualizing the practice such that one covers over their own mind with a sheen of thoughts and fabrication, blocking one from advancing towards awakening. In that regard, this particular practice is called self secret. From what I know, many Lamas won't introduce one to the practice if they aren't sure the student has the capability to grasp it, and also - the student won't be able to practice it or understand it if they're not able to. But, to give some background, from what I understand the strongest indicator of capability to practice Dzogchen, is an interest in doing so.
On the subject of cults - I have to note that Dzogchen practice can be very personal, but that is not a license for any teacher to abuse you, in any form, ever. Things that happened in the past - students getting slapped, hit with shoes, etc. - happened in the past - but that doesn't make them appropriate teachings devices today. A genuinely compassionate teacher won't take advantage of your practice to abuse you, steal your money, degrade you, control you, or anything like that. If they try to - it is more likely that you've stumbled on a cult, and should get away as fast as you can.
As for what makes a good teacher - others have asked this question before, and u/krodha in particular has written out a good description many times, although I can't find the quote he usually uses unfortunately.
As far as general safety in the practice goes, Lama Lena has written this (and I'm shamelessly stealing it from her website):
"The responsibility to take care of your own mind rests with you; not the lama, not your mom, not your cat. So, take it upon yourself to be safe and use common sense."
Please, read that whole page and heed the warnings.

My Practice

I've been working with Dzogchen for about 3.5 years now, since approximately the end of 2020. I'd been interested in Mahayana practices for the better part of a decade before that, but mostly just practicing Samatha by the way of Anapanasati and Metta, and also through the framework provided by *The Mind Illuminated*. I had been curious about Dzogchen for a bit, mostly from reading about it on Wikipedia and just, in general, being interested in seeing what the fuss is surrounding vajrayana, tantra, and the "highest system" called Atiyoga.
By chance, I happened to see a comment on Dzogchen from someone who basically said "If anyone is looking for pointing out, feel free to message me." So I sent them a message giving my general background and motivation for the practice, and they invited me to join them on meditationonline.org - which had been a place they'd been doing meditation for a few years (and still do, I suppose I'd consider myself part of that sangha). I happened to meet the individual who I'd been messaging, a Nyingma lama called Dawai Gocha, and received pointing out, along with teachings for the next few years... up until the present day.
My main practice now is Dzogchen - I gradually transitioned into this from Anapanasati over the course of about six months - and most of my sessions are now just me resting in awareness - Rigpa. I generally do augment this however with other practices, like Satipatthana, mantra recitation, and other practices from the three main vehicles, simply because I like to do them and find them helpful on the path.

What is Dzogchen?

I can't say anything that has not already been said by others, in particular, meditation masters with vastly more experience than I have - but to put it simply, Dzogchen practice can encompass a large number of different types of ancillary practices, and one central practice, which the ancillaries are meant to accomplish. The main practice is resting in the Rigpa.

How to Learn

"Get pointing out instructions from a qualified teacher before embarking on Dzogchen and Mahamudra. A teacher can address pressing questions as they arise and give you a map and tools for the journey. As practitioners, we can rely on those who have hiked the trail before us." - Lama Lena
Since the awareness nature is always present in every being, it is both simple to learn and simple to maintain the practice - being that one just simply is introduced to the awareness nature, and then abides in it at all times.
As far as being introduced to that awareness, in my experience there are many avenues, such as getting pointed out in person( verbally or non verbally), in visions, through texts, in dreams, etc. In one of her videos, Lama Lena goes through, I think, five different days that transmission/pointing out can happen.
But in my experience, getting pointing out, repeatedly and periodically, from a teacher is the most effective (and probably the most important) way to learn, like having someone coach you through riding a bicycle, until you finally internalize the fundamentals and are able ride on your own. Even someone that can check your progress, humble you, and keep you from common pitfalls, can be extremely helpful. Dzogchen, to me and from what I have read from e.g. Tulku Urgyen, is very simple, so simple that many people are able to miss it extremely easily. Whether we miss it because we're so worked up, or because we are subtly fabricating something and fixating on the fabrication - there is a miss, and from what I know, it's better to realize that than carry on doing whatever else. The harsh reality of Dzogchen practice is that fixation, because we're so habituated to it as human beings, is extremely easy, and being led astray by fixation means your meditation becomes a conditioned Samatha practice. On a lighter note though - from my perspective, one we learn to continually distinguish between Consciousness from Wisdom, we are on very solid ground, and it becomes easier and easier to recognize when we've become fixated.
On the subject of teachers - I would consider myself to have had many teachers. My main teacher, I mentioned before, is a lama I talk to live over the internet, but I would also say I've received teachings from recordings, from books, and in dreams. For clarity, I will state again: having a teacher that you can use to verify your practice is very important so as not to fall into common pitfalls. Whether you are confirming your experience through texts, reasoning, pointing out videos, whatever - doing it repeatedly will help because otherwise, as a beginner, one can be lost for minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, etc. without finding awareness again. I've seen people on Dzogchen who, unfortunately, even though they got pointing out from great teachers, were not able to full internalize the practice because they got lost in thoughts and then never were able to find recognize awareness again, and so need the pointing out once more. Others get the pointing out repeatedly - practice a lot, and attain good results over time. In that way, from my perspective, having continual access to the teachings is very important.
Fortunately, we live in a good time for this.
I'll get to recommend specifics later but - this is my perspective - although some people say that you can't get transmission over recordings or the internet, or from books - I actually do doubt that that is that case, just from experience. But, I must caution that all of my experience in this realm comes from after the point in time that I received live pointing out, so I would not take what I say as gospel. Once again, anything I say would defer to a knowledge and reputable teacher.
This all being said - regardless of how one feels at a specific time or place, there's no reason to ever refrain from confirming one's experience or view against the words of masters. There are others that have said this, who have more experience, but until we are Buddhas ourselves and phenomena have exhausted, there is no reason to ever stop practicing. Ever. If you are practicing, there is no need to make effort, and all phenomena will come and go without trouble until they are fully exhausted. Namkhai Norbu says almost exactly this in The Cycle of Day and Night.

Finding A Teacher - Resources

"Do not expect to travel this path guided only by books and the internet! Use the internet to find a teacher, then connect with them." - Lama Lena
It's taken a while to get here, my apologies for that.
For finding a teacher, I think any lama that has accomplished a three year retreat will be proficient in either Mahamudra or Dzogchen (both Atiyoga - subtle differenes but the same essential practice), and will likely be able to give pointing out instructions.
Not all may do so at first. Some may want a more personal relationship, some may require Ngondro, and some may say "sorry I don't really give those teachings". Some may require a baseline knowledge of the practice first - for example the Tergar program does.
That being said, there are many places to receive pointing out for free and in public.
Off the top of my head, I can name four that are always open and free: Lama Lena on Facebook and Youtube, The Rangdrol Foundation (run by the reddit user u/jigdrol), MeditationOnline.org, and The Pristine Mind Foundation . I know there are others, but at least to me on reddit and personally, these have been the most visible. I do know that Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche and James Low occasionally give pointing out instructions and videos on the practice. As well - many other lamas do on occasion, and especially Bon lamas - practitioners and Yogis from the Tibetan Indigenous religion, through teachings series or classes. Some may even do so if you are able to get a phone call with them.
Personally, I recommend finding someone who you can learn from personally, and allowing them to teach you whatever they can.
Edit: Here is a recent list of online teachers compiled by Dzogchen
Lama Lena Dzogchen Youtube Videos
Lama Lena Introductory Videos
Meditation Online Videos (Almost all Dzogchen)
Once you've received pointing out, there are also numerous public books, and texts one can read to deepen their understanding and/or background in the teachings, a few of which I've read and can list below. I'll also try to find some links that I care share too.
Many texts on Dzogchen, Mahyana and Vajrayana in general can be found on the excellent Lotsawahouse.org
A list of a few books that I've read and can personally recommend. Please note - these books (with the exception of Transcending AFAIK) are best read after having received transmission:
The Cycle of Day and Night by Chogyal Namkhai Norbu
Dzogchen: Heart Essence of the Great Perfection by HH The Dalai Lama
Zurchungpa's Testament by Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche
Vajra Heart Revisited by Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche
Transcending Ego: Distinguishing Consciousness from Wisdom by Thrangu Rinpoche
Also, I've not read the Trilogy of Rest by Longchenpa but heard that they're excellent.
Anyways, this about wraps up the post. If you have any questions or additional comments, they are very welcome. I wish all of your the very best of luck on your paths, and that all beings may reach enlightenment.

Disclaimer: I am reposting this so more people get a chance to see the post! If you applied to the previous post, no need to apply again! :)
Hello there! This will be a long post but I do encourage you to read all of it so you have an idea what kinda game you are applying for. This would be a long-term campaign, so be willing to commit to the game! Have fun reading!
Game details:
We play using both Discord for voice and video and Foundry VTT for maps and character sheets! Webcams are mandatory since we all have been using them and it helps a lot with roleplaying when you can see the other people! Make sure that your PC or laptop is capable of running Foundry, here is a link to the Foundry system requirements: https://foundryvtt.com/article/requirements/
Do note that you don't need to buy or download anything! How Foundry works is that I send you a link and you'll join through there so no need to worry about that!
We are here to make the story together so while there is a main plot for you to follow, there will be distractions along the way and of course, things that relate to your characters and what they might find interesting!
During session 0 we will go over the initial plot hooks, how your characters might know each other, safety rules, and so on!
The available days are listed in the questionnaire. The start time for the session regardless of the day would be at 9 pm GMT+3 and when a day has been chosen, we would play consistently on that day every week!
RP to combat ratio:
I would say 50-50 since you as players can with your decisions affect how much combat or roleplay there is going to be but I as a GM, am geared more towards weighting narrative but that doesn't mean that there wouldn't be some cool combat set-pieces ;).
There might be moments in the game where we focus more on the social aspect of the game, interacting in character with the world around them and then there might be some more action-oriented sessions where you get to sit at the edge of your seat!
I will say that how I like to run games, I like to focus on characters and what their motives, goals, and flaws are. This would be a more character-driven game so be ready for that and don't be afraid to get into character and have fun while doing so!
How to apply:
All that I require from you is that you read the whole post and then fill out the questionnaire to the best of your ability. I pour a lot of time into making sure that the sessions are good and that everyone is having fun and you can contribute to that by being genuinely interested in the game!
Here is the questionnaire: https://forms.gle/TAnUSBRAoEpKe1Ra8
Basic rules of the campaign:

• Be consistent: I know that emergencies can happen and sometimes life throws a curve ball. Those happen to me too but if it does, I expect you to let me know ASAP when you know that you are not going to be able to join for the session. The general rule in my table is that as long as we have four people playing, we will continue with the game.
• Cinematics: I like to inject some cinematic in the game and I will let you know when there is a cinematic. This happens usually at the end of the session to show you what happens somewhere else where your characters are not necessarily present.
• Campaign may have mature themes: I like to run narrative games and they usually lean towards a more serious tone and while there are moments of lightheartedness, it's not what I am going for this campaign. This is not a campaign for joke characters or happy-go-lucky characters. I will NOT include SA or intense torture roleplaying in my games and there is no tolerance for that. These will be discussed more during the session 0!
• Be attentive during the sessions: During the session, I would like you to feel that you want to be there so I do put a lot of time into prepping the sessions with maps, NPCs, music, etc. So as a player, all I require from you is to know the basic rules, how your character works, and just generally be respectful towards everyone on the table!
• Don't be a dick: Don't rage quit if the dice don't go your way or if you do something in the game that can result in a bad consequence to your character and then it happens. No PvP, unless both agree to it and it needs to have a good reason! Just be respectful and be able to communicate and I am sure we will get along very well!
• There is always a possibility of death: We are here to make an awesome collaborative story together that we can look back to years later with fondness! This however doesn't mean that I am going to pull my punches in combat so that's why I roll in the open. If the dice decide that it's time for your character, then that's how it's going to be. Of course, sometimes there is something that can save you but those are rare. Also, I am not going to go out of my way to kill you and I will make sure that you always know what kinda situations your characters are going to.
• Have a good mic and connection: Having a good mic is important because most of us use headphones so if your audio quality is so bad that it makes our ears bleed then that would be a dealbreaker :D. Bad mics can also negatively just impact the flow of the game if they keep cutting out!

The most important rule is to: HAVE FUN! We are here to play a game and make a story together and everyone's comfort is important to me! If you have doubts or if something feels off, you can always come to talk with me!
Game Rules:

• Write "One Piece is real" in the final questions so I know that you read this far ;)
• Ability scores are determined using point buy with 28 points or a standard array.
• Death saves are rolled in secret
• We are starting from level 2
• Criticals are maxed damage + die rolls
• If you go down, you get a wound up to a maximum of 3 when you get up again. On your third one, if you fall, you die

The reason for Banned spells is that I like to make mysteries and that players need to think. For example, Remove curse would make a situation where you can get cursed not that tense. I like to make curses into plotlines so thus banning the spell gives us that opportunity.
Here are the banned spells:

• Identify
• Detect Thoughts
• Locate object
• Zone of Truth
• Remove curse
• Goodberry
• Silvery Barbs
• Geas
• Legend lore

Banned subclasses:

• Twilight cleric
• Eloquence bard
• Peace cleric

Races from Eberron, PHB, and MPMM are available minus Tortle, Fairy, and Centaur. Also, flying races are not allowed
Here is a little bit of info about me!
My name is Michael, 22 years old. I have been a GM for 3.5 years now! I have enough experience so I won't fumble around but obviously, I don't know everything.
Something about myself is that I have been a huge fan of TTRPGs ever since I started 3.5 years ago. In that period, I have had the pleasure to play multiple systems such as 5e, pathfinder 2e, Call of Cthulhu, cyberpunk RED/2020, mothership, City of Mist, etc. So I have quite a lot of experience and I know the ropes! I also like to draw, write stories, do worldbuilding, play video games, and watch movies and anime.
I am a huge fan of One Piece, it was also an inspiration for this setting so if you are a fan, you'll notice some subtle references here and there!
I do enjoy Eberron as a setting and have read quite a bit on it! Still, while it's an established setting with its lore, that means that there will be things that I might be unaware of or I might change things here and there. I like to stick to the established lore since it's quite expansive and really good but expect changes at some points!
Final words
Thanks for reading this long-ass post and I do hope that you can see that I am putting my all into this! I hope you do too so feel free to fill out the application! Take it slowly and don't rush it since I am using it to gauge how interested you all are to join in! I will keep the post up for a few days and conduct interviews before Sunday. If you have questions, feel free to comment and I'll answer when I have time!
I hope all of you have a nice day/evening and I hope to talk to you later!

Disclaimer: I am reposting this so more people get a chance to see the post! If you applied to the previous post, no need to apply again! :)
Hello there! This will be a long post but I do encourage you to read all of it so you have an idea what kinda game you are applying for. This would be a long-term campaign, so be willing to commit to the game! Have fun reading!
Game details:
We play using both Discord for voice and video and Foundry VTT for maps and character sheets! Webcams are mandatory since we all have been using them and it helps a lot with roleplaying when you can see the other people! Make sure that your PC or laptop is capable of running Foundry, here is a link to the Foundry system requirements: https://foundryvtt.com/article/requirements/
Do note that you don't need to buy or download anything! How Foundry works is that I send you a link and you'll join through there so no need to worry about that!
We are here to make the story together so while there is a main plot for you to follow, there will be distractions along the way and of course, things that relate to your characters and what they might find interesting!
During session 0 we will go over the initial plot hooks, how your characters might know each other, safety rules, and so on!
The available days are listed in the questionnaire. The start time for the session regardless of the day would be at 9 pm GMT+3 and when a day has been chosen, we would play consistently on that day every week!
RP to combat ratio:
I would say 50-50 since you as players can with your decisions affect how much combat or roleplay there is going to be but I as a GM, am geared more towards weighting narrative but that doesn't mean that there wouldn't be some cool combat set-pieces ;).
There might be moments in the game where we focus more on the social aspect of the game, interacting in character with the world around them and then there might be some more action-oriented sessions where you get to sit at the edge of your seat!
I will say that how I like to run games, I like to focus on characters and what their motives, goals, and flaws are. This would be a more character-driven game so be ready for that and don't be afraid to get into character and have fun while doing so!
How to apply:
All that I require from you is that you read the whole post and then fill out the questionnaire to the best of your ability. I pour a lot of time into making sure that the sessions are good and that everyone is having fun and you can contribute to that by being genuinely interested in the game!
Here is the questionnaire: https://forms.gle/TAnUSBRAoEpKe1Ra8
Basic rules of the campaign:

• Be consistent: I know that emergencies can happen and sometimes life throws a curve ball. Those happen to me too but if it does, I expect you to let me know ASAP when you know that you are not going to be able to join for the session. The general rule in my table is that as long as we have four people playing, we will continue with the game.
• Cinematics: I like to inject some cinematic in the game and I will let you know when there is a cinematic. This happens usually at the end of the session to show you what happens somewhere else where your characters are not necessarily present.
• Campaign may have mature themes: I like to run narrative games and they usually lean towards a more serious tone and while there are moments of lightheartedness, it's not what I am going for this campaign. This is not a campaign for joke characters or happy-go-lucky characters. I will NOT include SA or intense torture roleplaying in my games and there is no tolerance for that. These will be discussed more during the session 0!
• Be attentive during the sessions: During the session, I would like you to feel that you want to be there so I do put a lot of time into prepping the sessions with maps, NPCs, music, etc. So as a player, all I require from you is to know the basic rules, how your character works, and just generally be respectful towards everyone on the table!
• Don't be a dick: Don't rage quit if the dice don't go your way or if you do something in the game that can result in a bad consequence to your character and then it happens. No PvP, unless both agree to it and it needs to have a good reason! Just be respectful and be able to communicate and I am sure we will get along very well!
• There is always a possibility of death: We are here to make an awesome collaborative story together that we can look back to years later with fondness! This however doesn't mean that I am going to pull my punches in combat so that's why I roll in the open. If the dice decide that it's time for your character, then that's how it's going to be. Of course, sometimes there is something that can save you but those are rare. Also, I am not going to go out of my way to kill you and I will make sure that you always know what kinda situations your characters are going to.
• Have a good mic and connection: Having a good mic is important because most of us use headphones so if your audio quality is so bad that it makes our ears bleed then that would be a dealbreaker :D. Bad mics can also negatively just impact the flow of the game if they keep cutting out!

The most important rule is to: HAVE FUN! We are here to play a game and make a story together and everyone's comfort is important to me! If you have doubts or if something feels off, you can always come to talk with me!
Game Rules:

• Write "One Piece is real" in the final questions so I know that you read this far ;)
• Ability scores are determined using point buy with 28 points or a standard array.
• Death saves are rolled in secret
• We are starting from level 2
• Criticals are maxed damage + die rolls
• If you go down, you get a wound up to a maximum of 3 when you get up again. On your third one, if you fall, you die

The reason for Banned spells is that I like to make mysteries and that players need to think. For example, Remove curse would make a situation where you can get cursed not that tense. I like to make curses into plotlines so thus banning the spell gives us that opportunity.
Here are the banned spells:

• Identify
• Detect Thoughts
• Locate object
• Zone of Truth
• Remove curse
• Goodberry
• Silvery Barbs
• Geas
• Legend lore

Banned subclasses:

• Twilight cleric
• Eloquence bard
• Peace cleric

Races from Eberron, PHB, and MPMM are available minus Tortle, Fairy, and Centaur. Also, flying races are not allowed
Here is a little bit of info about me!
My name is Michael, 22 years old. I have been a GM for 3.5 years now! I have enough experience so I won't fumble around but obviously, I don't know everything.
Something about myself is that I have been a huge fan of TTRPGs ever since I started 3.5 years ago. In that period, I have had the pleasure to play multiple systems such as 5e, pathfinder 2e, Call of Cthulhu, cyberpunk RED/2020, mothership, City of Mist, etc. So I have quite a lot of experience and I know the ropes! I also like to draw, write stories, do worldbuilding, play video games, and watch movies and anime.
I am a huge fan of One Piece, it was also an inspiration for this setting so if you are a fan, you'll notice some subtle references here and there!
I do enjoy Eberron as a setting and have read quite a bit on it! Still, while it's an established setting with its lore, that means that there will be things that I might be unaware of or I might change things here and there. I like to stick to the established lore since it's quite expansive and really good but expect changes at some points!
Final words
Thanks for reading this long-ass post and I do hope that you can see that I am putting my all into this! I hope you do too so feel free to fill out the application! Take it slowly and don't rush it since I am using it to gauge how interested you all are to join in! I will keep the post up for a few days and conduct interviews before Sunday. If you have questions, feel free to comment and I'll answer when I have time!
I hope all of you have a nice day/evening and I hope to talk to you later!

To start this story off, I suppose it's best to talk a little bit about myself and my experience in the TTRPG space. I've been an avid TTRPG enthusiast for almost two decades now. Yes, I'm a bit of an old hat/old fogey. I started my enjoyment of the hobby with Pathfinder 1st edition, eventually transferring over to DnD 5e when it first arrived on the scene, mostly because it was the new hotness, but I ultimately found that it was better suited for the type of games that I enjoy running at my table. While I very adamantly enjoy the structure that a game's mechanical rules bring to the table, 5e provided a rules system that wasn't invasive, and so me and my friends were able to focus on the things about the game that we enjoyed the most - the roleplaying, the storytelling, and (most importantly) the fun.
Many years would go by, as well as a couple of what I would consider to be successful campaigns - basically anything that managed to survive longer than 3 months. Scheduling, right? I digress. Eventually, I arrived at a point where my current circle of friends and I were itching to play a new campaign, and for the shits and giggles of it we decided we would livestream it on Twitch. At the time, we had managed to get affiliated on Twitch, and one or two of us would occasionally have a couple of viewers pop in when we were streaming whatever video game we were playing, and we figured it would be fun to do the same thing with our next campaign. So we did. As you might expect, nothing really ever came out of it. We were just doing it for fun. The campaign only lasted about 3 months or so, and we never set out with the expectation that what we were releasing into the world was anything amazing - we were just four normal dudes having fun playing a game we enjoyed, and if you happened to find yourself on our Twitch channel to see it, awesome! If not, cool. We weren't doing it for you.
So, yeah, that campaign eventually fell off, and we would eventually return to just streaming whatever video game excited us. One of friends got married, and had a kid, and was too busy for DnD. Another friend got a new job, and his schedule just didn't give him the time. Hell, even I managed to land a pretty decent job at the time, and I struggled to make time for our weekly video game nights, but I managed. But ever since that streamed campaign had ended, I had an itch in the back of my mind that I really wanted to scratch. I thoroughly enjoyed everything about livestreaming our campaign. Sure, it was nothing to write home about, but I fell in love with the showmanship of it all. Maybe it was because of the thought of the potential for someone to eventually watch it, but whenever we would stream, I would get in the zone and pretend I was putting on a show for thousands (even though we may have only ever had three or four viewers at max). Basically, I had fallen in love with the idea of putting on a show for others, and I knew I would jump at the chance to do it again in the future. Enter Wayne.
A little over a year ago (at the time of this posting), I was perusing through the /LFG subreddit and not looking for anything in particular, when I stumbled across a post that checked off all the boxes.
I don't like to admit that I'm picky, but that fact that this sub exists should give credence to that fact that one should, at the very least, have a criteria when looking for games to invest yourself in when looking at advertisements. And if my little backstory above should inform you, there were a number of things on my checklist that this post had. For starters, it was longer than a few sentences. Clearly, the person who posted this was meticulous about what they wanted and what they didn't want (I would learn, much later on, that Wayne was not the one who wrote the post, but one of his players). Secondly, the post was very adamant about what was of paramount importance at the table - rich and compelling narratives, deep exploration of characters, and a passion for roleplay. And thirdly, the plan was to turn this into a "production". The post even included a promo video of respectable quality. Clearly, the people involved with this had a plan, much more of a plan than my friends and I had when we streamed. And, I considered myself a pretty decent roleplayer, so I applied. They were only looking for 1 applicant, but I figured I had a decent shot, with my previous livestreaming experience, and the fact that I already owned a (what some would call excessive) microphone and camera. So I shot my shot. If I didn't get picked, no biggie, life goes on. But when I received a discord invite and told that I had made it to the second round of the application process, I was ecstatic.
It is around here that I should introduce you to our cast of characters (names have been changed, of course:

• There is, of course, me, Dave - a guy who fundamentally believes that fun and safety at a table supersedes everything else, who happens to really enjoy hamming it up in character, and telling exciting stories.
  
• Ava - an already confirmed player at the table, with a past experience of playing with Wayne. I would come to find out that Ava was the one who had written the LFG post. Ava was also in charge of Discord moderation, and the second round interview process. She has her own story, which I will allude to here, but is ultimately hers to share.
  
• Jelly - Wayne's significant other. Jelly was supposedly not involved with the upcoming campaign at all, but had a presence on the Discord, and have previously played in Wayne's campaigns.
  Seth - another already confirmed player at the table. Admittedly, Seth plays a minor role in the story, but his inclusion is necessary.
  
  • and Wayne - the lead character of our story. The DM of the upcoming campaign. The visionary. The guy who plans to have the next big thing in the TTRPG actual play space.

There are at least a half dozen other individuals involved in this story, but ultimately play very minor roles. If at some point while I am writing this one of them pop up, I will update the list above to include them.
Back to the story. I was ecstatic to find out I had been selected for an Discord interview and scheduled it at my earliest convenience. This is where I first meet Ava. To be honest, I don't recall much about the interview, but I remember it being pretty standard and what I was expecting an interview to be. Mostly it was just going into detail about some of the stuff I had included in my primary application and talking about expectations and goals. I was told that after the Discord interview, the next step would be a participation in a practice one shot, to get a feel for how I would play at the table. After the interview was over, Wayne hopped into the voice channel, and this would be when I would meet the man, the legend.
I pride myself on being very good at reading people. I can usually pick up on when someone is trying to sell me something, pretty quickly. I tend to over analyze words and expression looking for intent. I have been gaslit and manipulated several times in my past by people very close to me, and so I have developed this defense when meeting people for the first time. Very rarely do I take someone at their word, or completely buy what they are selling when I hardly know them, and even less so to a complete stranger. In this case, when meeting Wayne for the first time, my defenses failed me.
Perhaps it was because it had been over a year since I last ran a campaign. Perhaps it was because it had been even longer than that that I actually got to be a player in a campaign. Perhaps it was because of that itch of wanting to perform again for an audience. Or, perhaps, it was because Wayne was very good at pitching his plans. Whatever the reason, my first impression of Wayne was that this was a guy who had a plan, and had the means to enact that plan, and I wanted to be a part of it in any way that I could.
Wayne, you see, had two big passions in life. The first was DnD. The second, as he would admit, was being an entrepreneur. He owned his own business in New York City. One of several ventures he had pursued, and it afforded him a premium NYC apartment and the time and luxury to spend on his second passion - playing DnD. And so, he thought, why not marry these two passions together? He had a great head for business. And according to him, the last campaign he had run was fantastic. So fantastic, he thought, that surely other people would enjoy listening to it. And so he hatched a plan - he would use his business knowledge and savvy to launch a Youtube channel that would be home to his next great campaign. But he had the foresight, at least, to know of just how saturated the DnD actual play space has become in recent years. If he wanted to be successful at this venture, he would have to stand out from the rest. And he had a solution to that. He wasn't going to put out just any old DnD actual play. He was going to create "DnD Cinema".
To do that, he said, he needed the right people that share in the same core philosophies that he had. Namely, a "pretentious level of hyperfixation on roleplaying and narrative storytelling". Most other actual plays, to him, were playing "beer and pretzels" DnD. You know, the type of game were you sit around with your friends having a good time and a laugh, where you might spend five minutes on an out of character joke, etc. Shit like that wasn't going to fly in this campaign. When you came to the table, you were going to be in character from start to finish. And recording sessions were going to be seven hours long. Could I handle that?
And I admit that I told him I could. Like I said, he had a way with words. He was clearly passionate about it. And he talked a good talk. And he was friendly enough. So he said he would be in touch. And the wait began.
Over the course of the next month or so, I would come to become friends with Ava and Wayne. We would hop into Discord and play games, talk about the upcoming campaign, etc. It was going to be several months before the campaign actually began recording, and so Wayne was still conducting the interview process while also working on worldbuilding for the campaign. He was also spending over $3000 dollars commissioning an animated table for the youtube video. This was clearly something he was very proud of, as he took every and all opportunity to talk about how amazing and innovative it was going to be.
You see, in Wayne's vision of "DnD cinema", the videos that would be put up on youtube would not include the faces of the players. Or battlemaps. Instead, it would be animated table that he could manipulate in editing at various cue points. It would feature portraits of the characters that would light up when they speak. It was the next big thing in the TTRPG space - a (frankly) audio only experience that was accentuated with the occasional fancy animation that cost thousands of dollars. No one else was doing it, he would say, and that would help him stand out even more.
It was also during these more innocent days that I would come to understand Wayne's obsession with Brennan Lee Mulligan. He idolized the guy. In fact, he would brag on multiple occasions that his significant other's job had her 3 or 4 degrees removed from Brennan - basically, she worked for someone who worked for someone who was involved with the Dungeons and Drag Queens season of Dimension 20, and he would often mention how he was hoping to use that connection to someday have a sit down and meet and greet with BLeeM himself. As time would go on, I would eventually find out that Wayne actually considered Brennan Lee Mulligan as his competition.
About a month would past before I would hear anything about my application. I never brought it up during our gaming sessions, as another core tenet of mine is that I don't want my friendship or acquaintance with someone to give me an edge over other candidates. I want my experience and what I bring to the table to stand on its own merit. This will come up later in our story. Eventually, I would get a message from Wayne asking me if I would be interested in participating in a try out one shot for the campaign. Apparently, he had completely forgotten that I had applied, and wanted to schedule in a last minute try out for me. My fellow players during the one shot would be Ava, some other member of the discord community, and Jelly.
I'll be honest, the one shot was nothing to write home about. And even Wayne would admit it was something he threw together last minute so that he could say I had my chance. I immediately found Ava to be a fantastic scene partner, and even for a one shot, put the time and effort into her character and actions. Jelly, on the other hand, was not that good. To be fair to Jelly, my criteria for grading her performance was strictly on the curve that Wayne himself said he was grading people on. I found her to be a very selfish player, who failed to pick up on narrative cues, and was solely focused on her time in the spotlight. But it was a trial one shot that didn't mean anything. My biggest take away from Jelly was that she was a player that I would not enjoy playing with in the future, and that I wouldn't seek out as a player at a table that I was DMing for. Not horror story bad (yet), but not good. Average.
When the application process was done, it would eventually come down to two choices. I was one. Wayne loved my southern twang, and thought it would sound good in a production. And we had become friends. The other was someone with a theater and acting background, who had been to Julliard. I was not selected. And I was okay with that. The decision did not impact my friendship with either Ava or Wayne, and we continued to hang out and play games together. I then learned of Wayne's new plan.
In the original posting ad for the campaign, it had been mentioned that a possibility for guest character appearing in the campaign could happen. The original idea was that, as members of the Discord community would play in one shots, Wayne would then be able to invite stand out performance to appear in an episode or two of the new campaign, as a gift to the community and to give those players a chance to play in a campaign with other players of similar caliber. This all changed as the months got closer to release date. The idea for guests at the table changed completely. Instead, Wayne's plan was to use the guest spots at the table as a networking opportunity. Don't forget - Wayne is an entrepreneur. This was a business venture for him, and successful businesses need to show growth. And he wanted to achieve growth at an accelerated pace. The plan was simple - as the channel grew, Wayne would scour the internet for similar channels with slightly higher subscriber count than his. Well, I say Wayne would do this. Wayne would actually pawn this off on to someone else. A tangent that I will perhaps need to touch on later in this story - Wayne was very good at finding ways of pawning off work on to others, and then taking the credit. He very much believe himself to be a manager, and other members of the Discord that showed any interest in the success of this venture as his employees. He would then engage in communications with these other channels in the hopes of achieving some Quid Pro Quo. You send someone to be a guest on our channel for a few episodes, and we'll shout you out. In return, he would send someone from his channel to theirs, and get a shout out in return. Something to note here - all of this was done without ever including his players in the discussion. He was offering them up to strangers without even asking if they even wanted to do that.
Time passes, and eventually recording for the campaign begins. It would be about two months into recording when Wayne approached me about being the first guest character. (At this point, I had been an active member of the Discord community for over six months now). He wanted me to be the first guest character for two reasons. The first was because I was familiar, and he wanted to test out the format before bringing in strangers. The second was because of my prior livestreaming experience. I was a part of an affiliated Twitch channel that met the criteria of having a slightly higher subscriber count than his. But for the most part, our old Twitch channel was dead. Sure, we still streamed games into the void, but there was practically no engagement. And I told him so when he asked me if I wanted to be introduced as someone from that Twitch channel. I was more involved in his community as that point, anyway. And so, I finally got what I was wanting - to sit down and play quality DnD with like minded individuals for the purposes of entertaining others.
At this point, only a handful of episodes had aired. The recording schedule had them a grace period of a month or so before release, and I admittedly hadn't watched them. Honestly, I wasn't that interested. I don't know if that's bad or not. There are a lot of actual plays out there of varying quality. And each one requires a lot of time commitment to watch. Already I was regularly watching Critical Roll, and I was having a hard time to find time to watch some of the other really good shows I was enjoying, like Dimension 20 and The Glass Cannon. On top of that, it was an game that I wasn't a part of, so yeah, I admit I hadn't watch any of it. But even if I had, it wouldn't have prepared me for what playing at the table was actually like. The released episodes were highly edited, with sound effects and music. It wasn't until I became actually involved at the table that I would find out just how manufactured the game actually was. And I use the word "game" very generously.
For starters, once recording began, all out of character talk and banter was immediately and explicitly forbidden. We were to remain in character at all times. Secondly, I would find out that Wayne had developed a "formula for success" in regards to time spent recording. No scene would ever last longer than ten minutes. If players spent too much time having their characters engaging with each other and the time elapsed, we were moving on the next scene, regardless of if it was a natural conclusion or not. Speaking of the characters, I would come to learn that the characters that the player brought to this campaign were secondary to the story that Wayne wanted to tell. "This campaign isn't character focused, it's story focused" he would say. The campaign simply did not have time for that. I don't like to toss out the word "railroaded" very often, but it quickly became apparent that there was a good bit of railroading being done here. The only character decisions or choices or conversations that would ever make it to the final cut were ones that provided what he thought would be the most interesting while pushing his narrative forward. And for a DnD game, there wasn't a whole lot of game being done here. Sure, the players had character sheets, and classes, but it was all superficial. Combat was a rarity on the level of a shiny Pokemon. I think mostly because Wayne didn't find combat narratively compelling. But in that case, I have to ask, why use DnD as your game system? If all you want to do is roll clicky dice and improv, there are much better systems out there. And speaking of the dice - I'm sad to say that in most cases they were superfluous, as well. The only real purpose the dice served to Wayne was when they could be used to clip epic moments of success or failure. A natural 20 or a natural 1 was gold for him, because then he could clip it into a Youtube or Tiktok Short and grow those subscriber numbers. For a game in which "every decision hung on the roll of a dice", there weren't a lot of dice rolls, there weren't a lot of decisions, and when there were decisions, most of the time, the outcome was predetermined by Wayne. Everything Wayne did in regards to this game was in service to growing his Youtube channel. And the sad part? It worked.
In a shockingly short amount of time, Wayne was able to grow his Youtube channel from just over a 100 subscribers to over a 1000. This was mostly done by his excessive push of Youtube and Tiktok shorts. For a short period of time, I was deemed trustworthy enough to have access to the Youtube channel's admin, and I could view the statistics. The turnover rate for shorts into actual video views was miniscule. Only a tiny fraction were tuning in for the actual show. At this point, he had just become a Youtube Shorts creator.
And I want to mention at this point - I understand and respect the hustle. The world of Youtube is a dog eat dog world, and you have to have to play the game to stay in the game - I get it. I don't have any issue with being proud of what you've created, and pushing it out to people. I really don't. My issue was with how deceptive Wayne was being with it. And how deceptive he was, in general, as I would come to find out.
You see, before the inaugural campaign had even launched, Wayne approached me one day to see if I would be interested in running a campaign on his channel, as I had experience before in it, and had expressed an interest in doing it again. And I will admit, I was excited about the prospect. But before my words of "Yeah, I'd love to talk about" even had a chance to dissipate into the ether, Jelly would hop into the channel, in the middle of the discussion to say, "You know who should run a campaign? Seth." And then immediately log off.
I don't have a lot to say about Seth. I think he is an amazing, caring, friendly guy. He also happens to be an incredible roleplayer and storyteller, and his character is Wayne's campaign is truly phenomenal. I envy how easy it is for Seth to get into and portray the wide arrange of emotions of a character. He also happens to be a great GM. I understand why Jelly would suggest him to run a campaign. What I didn't understand, at the time, were her motives. Wayne, Ava, Jelly, and Seth had all played in a previous campaign together, and Wayne and Jelly had become enamored by just how good Seth was. And even prior to that, Ava and Seth had a past campaign together. Jelly wanted to be a player in a Seth run campaign. And if Wayne was going to have a second campaign on the channel, she wanted it to be Seth's, and she wanted to be a player in it.
And so, immediately, any and all discussion about me running a campaign was ceased, and the legwork was put forth for Seth to run a campaign. Wayne would approach him about it, and he was interested. Seth would already have in mind the players that he wanted for it - two friends of his from outside the server, Ava, and another player from the Wayne campaign. Noticeably missing from that list - Jelly.
Strangely, Wayne would then tell Seth that if he was going to run a campaign on the channel, he would have to have an application process for the players, and open it up so that anyone could apply. After Seth had already stated he already had players in mind - players who already said yes. I don't know about you, but as a DM, I would never let someone dictate to me who I could have at my table. If I have players in mind already, it's because I have a reason. But Wayne demanded an application process be followed, and a second LFG post would appear in LFG for the Seth run campaign - that was noticeably advertising for 4 players. After Seth had chosen his players. The advertisement came with another well edited and narrated youtube promo that was, and still is, the highest viewed video on the channel. And all of it was a sham. Which I knew it was. And I confronted Wayne about it. It was then that I learned some unsavory backstory involving Ava and Jelly and the prior campaign. That is not my story to tell. I have shared my accounts of events with Ava, and she is considering posting an account from her perspective following this. The most I am willing to say on this is that involves situations that should never be okay at a DnD table, and that Wayne would gloss over and sugarcoat these situations as no big deal. It would lead to Ava not being comfortable with being at a table with Jelly which both I, and Seth, would understand.
Wayne, however, found this to be unfair and manipulative on Ava's part. Those past incidents should have had no bearing on Jelly's consideration for the Seth run campaign. Which is why he would demand an application process. He would then confide to me when I questioned the duplicity of the LFG advertisement that it wasn't completely misleading. There would still be someone chosen from the list of applicants - because he was going to make sure that Ava wasn't part of the campaign. After Seth had already told both Wayne and her that she was. After the players for that game had already come together for a session zero. He claimed that Ava had prior incidents of being difficult to work with, and that because he wasn't involved in the campaign, he couldn't be there to handle any situations that might arise of conflicts between players at the table. At the time I thought that was an odd statement to make - if you are trusting enough of another person, like Seth, to run a campaign on your channel shouldn't you be trusting enough in their ability to handle problems between players? Looking back now, I can only assume he made that statement because he was certain that Jelly would be a player at the table, and that problems might arise between Jelly and Ava. He asked that I keep the conversation between us. But that was something I could not do. None of that situation felt right to me. Wayne, Ava, and I had been friends playing games together for nearly a year now. I never saw any inclination of Ava being a "problem player" - she was great at the table, and a great person to hang out with. And I found it weird that Wayne would say those things about her, and not approach her about it. So of course I talked to her. For weeks she had been sharing her excitement of the new campaign with me, often with Wayne in the voice channel with us. Ava would then share with me her past experiences with Wayne and Jelly. Again, it is not my story to tell, but I am a good judge of character. I believed Ava's account of events. It made sense to me, with how Wayne and Jelly acted.
I wish I could say this story had a happy and/or satisfying conclusion. I'm not even really sure if there is a point to it, or even if it will be a good read. It has been clear for some time now that Wayne has been entirely obsessed with the growing of his Youtube channel, damn any and all bridges burned, and walking back some of his initial promises of what he claimed the campaign and the Youtube channel would be. It's also very clear to me that Wayne is someone who absolutely has to have control over everything, especially the narrative (fictional and real life).
There are so many minor grievances to air about Wayne that I haven't already touched on, and I feel like I've already taken up too much of your time already. Here's just a brief overview, I'd be more than happy to go into more details if you want them:

• Multiple players from the Wayne campaign confided in me about some of the problems they had with Wayne and how the game was being run. When Wayne found out, he blew his lid, and said that he was both Manager and HR, and no one should be complaining to anyone outside of the table. If they were going to complain to anyone, it should be him.
  
  • It turns out, Wayne has a prior history of being an asshole. Long before the Youtube channel, and the campaign, even before the previous campaign, he told his then group that they were playing the game wrong. He then found a new group, sang their praises to the old group, and then even brought both groups together to show the old group "the right way to play"
  • In addition to Wayne, he has two editors working for him. One of which he pays. The other one has had no compensation. The one not getting paid is doing the same work as both Wayne and the paid editor combined.
  • I mentioned way early on in the story that Ava was the Discord Administrator for the Discord server. After the Seth campaign incident, Wayne unceremoniously removed Ava as Administrator, told her it was "by mistake", and never put it back. As far as I can tell, there was nothing to warrant this other than control. I suspect it was because there were certain Seth campaign related channels or other channels he didn't want Ava to see.
  • The unceremonious removal of myself and Ava from the Youtube channel admin. Admittedly, we contributed very little to it, but it was removed without a word mentioned.
  • Recently making a post requiring his "talent" to purchase a minimum $5 dollar Patreon subscription. He has admitted to me the reasoning for this was to inflate Patreon subscriber numbers to entice new subscribers. He has since walked that back after much outcry from the "talent"
  • Asking Seth if it wouldn't be too much to convert his envisioned DnD campaign into a Daggerheart campaign, because Daggerheart is the new hotness, and will attract more viewers.

Ultimately, I suppose I feel disheartened and deceived. Deceived because I originally signed up for what I thought was going to be a bunch of friends sitting around and recording themselves playing quality DnD, and it has shifted so far from that original purpose. Wayne is obsessed over subscriber numbers and views, it's all he ever talks about. He claims that his goal is to reach a level of success to which all 10+ people involved will be able to achieve financial freedom (which he claims is roughly $2000 a month). I'm sure you've done the math, just like I have. Even if you believe $2k a month is financial freedom (I certainly don't), that comes out to $240,000 a year. That's an insane level of success to promise your players. Oh, I'm sorry, your "talent".
I feel disheartened because....there's actually good work being done here. Some of the players are some of the best I've ever played with. Wayne can actually be a good storyteller, when he's not pushing for likes or clicks. The editors do a really fantastic job. I have seen and listened to the work being done on the Seth campaign (luckily Wayne is only tangentially involved), and Seth's campaign is turning out to be something really special. There is something good being done here, but it seems so tainted by Wayne and his obsession for Youtube and Tiktok success. So, maybe this is an RPG Horror Story, maybe it's a cautionary tale. I dunno. I have committed to finishing out my run in the campaign, (I was brought back to the table multiple times because the players enjoy playing with me, and also I suspect I was involved in one of his highest viewed shorts), but my hearts not in it. I've told Wayne I've no interest in any of his future projects, and I wish him well on his Youtube journey. But in the pursuit of clicks, and likes, and subscribers, I feel like he has fundamentally lost what attracts people to actually watch and invest in TTRPG actual plays - authenticity.

On Killing and Morality in War.
I promised a follow-up to my yesterday’s post on more technical aspects of planning and executing a ground invasion. It’s coming – already started writing it… may or may not have time to finish it today.
For more context (and an “about me”) see the original post here: https://www.reddit.com/IsraelPalestine/comments/1cwvbna/the_realities_of_war_lets_kill_some_sacred_cows/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I’d like to start with a sidebar: a “personal message of sorts.” First, I appreciate all the supportive comments. Of course, there were a few with reading comprehension problems who took an issue with the concept that war can be quite a fun and exhilarating experience (despite the clear “do not recommend” theme throughout). I didn’t plan on writing this post, but felt prompted by some of the comments.
I see a lot of “moralizing” from certain characters who are convinced of their moral superiority and truly believe themselves to be the arbiters of human character.
Side Note: there are also plenty of decent, well-meaning folks who may disagree with one position or another… but do so from a thoughtful place, taking time to consider a counter-point. Nothing but respect to those. Freedom of disagreement is one of the liberties I value highly (a luxury people who live in Islamist enclaves don’t get). Regardless – nothing but respect to y’all. The world is a complicated place and many of your points I find valid, even if our conclusions may differ.
For the “wow… rape must also be fun for you… and murdering 12 million children” crowd”, I’d like to say the following: You, my friends, are among the most dangerous societal types, historically speaking. Seemingly intellectual, but lacking facts, context, and nuance – yet fully convinced of your moral and intellectual superiority. First of – congrats on being born in a place where being a moralizing peacenik is a viable option in life. Second – your “morals” just so happen to reflect the modern western moral code you were born into (and which you’ve done nothing yourself for to achieve). But, in other places, moralizing puritans like you keep the same character, but embrace a different set of “norms and morals”. In other words – a typical Islamist imam doesn’t sound much different than you in tone and conviction… his “holy book” just so happens to be Quaran rather than the ramblings of Norm Finklestein. And, of course, we’ve seen what tends to happen in other places where “anti-capitalist” and “anti-colonialist” moral puritans take hold – I was born at such a place. Let’s just say that the road from “I’m for the oppressed and anti-oppressors” to “we need to murder the reactionaries” is very short and easily crossed. And it’s always the most “righteously-outraged” who cross it first.

Anyways, back to topic of the post.
On Killing and Morality – Does Modern Combat Look like a “video game”?
I saw a comment or two that modern combat is too impersonal, looks like a video game, that it’s too easy for soldiers to kill innocents, etc., etc. I’ve also heard a similar argument from others, in unrelated circumstances.
To anyone thinking that – no, my friends. Killing people isn’t made easier by more lethal and remote weapons. I understand why it may seem that way. But, in many ways, it’s quite the opposite.
1. Military is just a mirror of its society. A military is a perfect representation of a society at large. Some soldiers will indeed be natural-born psychopaths who enjoy killing. But that’s a very tiny number – not any larger than in general population.
2. Bravado is Fake. Most younger soldiers will display a lot of bravado initially – pretend like violence doesn’t bother them (that’s why the military tries really hard to condition new recruits by trivializing the idea of “killing” – but it’s never successful).
3. The Reality. The truth is – killing shocks most soldiers to their core, no matter how much they try to suppress it and put on a brave war fighter face.

• To new troops, my demand was simple – in your first contact, get down, don’t get in the way, and just live to see another day.
• For many, it takes more than one contact to come to their senses and to even start pulling the trigger. There is a natural mental block that stops humans from wanting to kill another human and it’s not overcome easily.
• I’ve seen plenty young kids (and yes, a 19-year old trooper is still a kid) beg and plead certain “characters” we’ve encountered to just be reasonable… raising their weapon in the air to demonstrate they don’t mean harm (very ill advised). Despite months of training, their first instinct was “please, I really don’t want to harm you… please don’t make me to.” That’s the true nature of most young western men and women – including those in uniforms and carrying weapons.

4. Understanding “Anger”. Often time you see what seems obvious anger among soldiers after a firefight. The easy explanation is the simple “of course they hate their enemy”. Except that’s not why they’re truly angry.

• The first source of anger is “I can’t believe this a-hole just tried to kill me”. But then the longer-lasting source of anger sets in. And that one is: “I can’t believe that a-hole made me kill him”. There is a big difference between the two emotions. And the second one lasts much longer.
• The older, more experienced troops and commanders are more used to the realities of the battlefield… which brings me to the next point...

5. “Remote” Killing. From experience, I’ll tell you this – dealing with a remote target is much easier in the sense that it’s not as “scary”. But it’s much more difficult emotionally and mentally – though a commander will never show it to their troops. That decision takes much longer and raises many more doubts than responding to a nearby target that’s actively trying to kill your guys.

• Drone pilots have among the highest rates of PTSD. There is nothing easy about dropping a bomb on a human being from the safety of a trailer in the desert and then going home to eat dinner with your family. It’s a f’ed-up thing to ask a man (or a woman) to do. There is nothing easy about going home that day. And it f-cks with your brain permanently. I don’t envy those guys one bit. Though I can imagine that dropping a bomb on a clear hostile target is very satisfying. But the emotion is the same as the above – not anger at the target itself but because you wouldn’t be doing this sh*t if it wasn’t for them.

6. Why the young men and women in IDF went to war. I don’t want to start a debate about history of the region – it’s a different topic and it doesn’t change the practical realities my posts are meant to address. From a soldier’s point of view – it looks very simple:

• The enemy hates me and want my family dead (spare me the “colonialism” lecture please)
• The enemy launched tens of thousands of rockets at us. We tried to hide behind our Iron Dome and the big wall. But that failed (a defensive posture always gets breached eventually, btw).
• The enemy invaded and killed my people. And they plan on doing it as much as they can.
• The enemy isn’t some obscure “group” – it’s a clearly defined target… the ruling, paramilitary organization at this place called Gaza (again, spare me the lecture whether it’s a country of a “concentration camp”. From a soldier’s point of view – it makes no difference).
• We can no longer live next to this enemy. And now, it’s a binary choice – go find the enemy and kill him or he will eventually come back for you.
• The rest of it… the history, the politics of it, the various grievances… hopefully we can sort it out after the fact.

That’s it. That’s the mindset. It’s really that simple for the guys and gals rolling into Gaza. The rest of what gets discussed on wester social media is just philosophical circle jerk to their ears.

Anyhow… I bet I’ll soon hear from the peaceniks who’ll tell me that they’d never do that, that they’d be conscious objectors, etc… To them, I’d like to ask that while you take a break from fellating yourself, don’t forget to thank the guys and the girls who do the dirty jobs so you don’t have to
And… while at it, don’t forget to apologize to the next generation of Arab girls who will be sold into a “marriage” to some fat, old toothless f*ck because some fat, comfortable hippie with an ivy league diploma believes that child rape is just an indigenous form of cultural expression and our interference with it is “colonialism”.
All for now. Peace, everybody. I'll be back with the promised post on "how to invade a place if you must".

Hello Agent
There isn’t much time for me to give you this mission so you must listen carefully. There is someone that we need you to befriend to get more information on. Down below is what we know about her so far.

Name: Gillian Gender: Female Age: 25 From: Wisconsin Hobbies: writing, baking, and drawing abstract Music: 80's, classical, 2000's and jazz Favorite color: doesn’t have one. Favorite food: tacos Favorite drink: Regular coca cola. 

One random fact about the agent: They have a unique self-published book. Rumor has it that the pages are filled with the emotions the agent normally keeps hidden.
To establish contact with the agent you must provide the details below to her. It is a first step in the right direction of gaining trust.

Name: Age: Where you are from: Tell her something you think is interesting about you: 

We know that she is a night owl by choice based on the report from the last agent. She has a list of health issues but continues to push on even with them. Doing such shows the determination and hard-headedness that she has. Although this has helped her through life it means that it is going to be another obstacle for you, take note of that.
She is anti-drug and anti-alcohol by choice. One thing that is a must if you choose to continue is she is quiet and shy. You might ask how I can get the information quicker, you can’t, it will take time and patience. If you do not have that turn around right now because you will just frustrate yourself while she sits there calm and composed.
You get to ask the agent one free question. Meaning no matter what you will get an honest answer.
Follow these instructions carefully. If you don't there is no guarantee that you will get a response. The agency wishes you the best of luck on what is going to be a tough mission.
Transmission terminated.

*Note: This post was originally deleted from /helloicon and am just reposting here to make sure it is documented and not being censored or deleted.
Edit: I know very well that the community tends to downvote any sort of negativity surrounding the project. However, instead of immediately downvoting me, take the time to digest what I'm trying to say. If any ICON team members want to provide any counter-arguments (though I am certain they will not be able to justify every single thing I will have to say, especially in part 2/3), i would love to hear them. Some sort of transparency and communication from the team would be nice for a change. I believe this isn't just a trivial thing either. This is something that warrants a response from the team. There have been questions that have been buried and ignored when this initially happened. The community deserves better.
If anyone has been here from the start, my name might ring a bell. I was the Lead communications/community manager for ICON for quite some time. I helped cultivate and manage the communities during its peak. In comparison, here is a blockchain project that had similar popularity and trading volume to ICX.
I will make a separate post later going into greater depth about all the things, but for now, I'll stick to basically one thing I wanted to address first. In short though, I absolutely have no faith in this project or team anymore. I think the ICON team has consistently demonstrated a complete lack of transparency, poor judgement, and a company that is embarrassingly slow at adopting new strategies and adapting to the constantly evolving landscape.
There's a whole laundry list of reasons I could get into, but as I stated earlier, i will get into most of it in another post. First thing I want to address is ICON's first dApp, Blue Whale Foundation. I am waiting to see if I get replies from past Blue Whale Foundation members so I can just verify some things before writing more extensively about it, and get confirmation on some things.
For those that don't know, Blue Whale Foundation (BWX) was ICON's first dApp, and it was promoted directly by Min and two senior ICON council members were Advisors for Blue Whale Foundation, including ICONLOOP/PARAMETA's CEO. https://medium.com/biomanforcerose/ico-analysis-5-reasons-why-you-should-have-a-look-to-blue-whale-foundation-4bb55ef3bff3
I don't know if this was ever addressed, but BWX appears to have been a pump&dump/exit scam after the successful ICO launch. Majority of the people on Blue Whale's team immediately departed after the ICO, leading me to believe that they knew this was an empty shell of a project. Blue Whale abruptly closed operations in 2022, leaving many people frustrated and angry. I believe the BWF team recruited me to give BWF an air of more legitimacy. To be clear, I had zero knowledge of what was going to happen, and I was compensated a very modest and flat monthly rate for only a few months, and did not receive any bonus or incentives for making the ICO successful. I believe that other people involved may have gotten paid significantly more than I did, and that they simply used me for my likeness and status within the ICON community to legitimize and get ICON supporters to invest. For anyone that ended up buying because of me, I truly am sorry, and I had absolutely no idea that this was going to be the end result. I should have done more due diligence, but even if I did, I don't know if it would have made a difference because some of the damning information wasnt available until after the ICO. Also, because Min and ICON Council Members approved, endorsed, or were involved in the BWF project, I thought this ICON vetted this project and team. I had always felt terrible once I realized what the BWF team has done, but I didnt fully realize until I left ICON and blockchain space completely. Last I heard from BWF team was that they were going to take some time off after the ICO launch and I didnt hear back from them again. They actually left me in the dark completely for some time, and I was emailing them confused asking what I am supposed to be doing. For a month before the ICO, it was radio silence despite my repeated attempts to get a hold of them, and i finally heard back a month later when they told me that the team went on vacation or something? I can pull up email logs later.
Unfortunately, it seems like this was a pump and dump exit scam after the ICO launched. The ICO raised nearly $4million USD, and I believe the other members on the team could have earned potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars. The amount I earned? Very low, but somehow was actually a bit higher than what ICON was paying me monthly which was like barely above minimum wage at the time.
I will share more details in a future post regarding this, but I mainly want to apologize to anyone that bought and ended up losing money on $BWX. I had no idea that this was BWX's true agenda, and all of the information was deliberately kept from me from by the BWF team. I recently did some digging on the founder of BWX, Will Lee, and he states that he is a "serial entrepreneur", but in reality, I believe he is more of a serial griftescammer, and don't know why ICON and Min endorsed this project and the founder in the first place. I believe it was either gross negligence and incompetence from ICON or it was fraud considering that the ICON council members received compensation from the ICO.
Anyone that knows me knows I have been maybe one of the strongest advocates for ICON, and I would even go as far as saying that despite ICON's no communication policy, I believed I played a major role for ICON maintaining and even growing the community even during the extended bear market period. Maybe it was a coincidence, but there was a dramatic decrease in engagement and interest in the ICON project when I decreased my involvement and eventually left all together. Maybe it was a coincidence? Or maybe it wasn't. What I do know is that other projects i consulted on at the time immediately saw lifts in their community numbers when I gave them a hand.
I want to make it clear that while this is primarily about BWF, this is just one of many things that ICON handled poorly, did not address or take accountability, and showed how little they cared about its community considering that many people that bought BWF were likely those involved in ICX.
I didnt have time to proof read this because I'm sleepy and need to take a nap, so sorry if my thoughts are a bit disjointed or if this is just filled with some grammatical errors.
This is also just one of many many red flags and issues that I have with ICON, and why I no longer have faith in this project. I will post a part 2 and maybe part 3 later that are directly related to ICON, the team, amongst many other things, including my personal experience working for them.
edit: also just wanted to say hi to all the amazing and cool people in the community that were around when i was around. while i cant say too many great things about icon, i can say that a lot of you guys here are genuinely awesome people who helped keep my sanity intact. and im sure there are some that hated me too, and its understandable. My unspoken role at ICON was being the person at whom people can direct their frustrations and anger at, but hopefully, you don't hold it against me. To any new people, welcome, but I want you to know that if you do end up sticking around, be mentally prepared for an endless, repeating cycle of being disappointed, getting your hopes up a tiny bit, only to be let down again. Then repeat.

Intro: As I alluded to over the weekend, I ordered & got in my FV SP mower, though I got it a day early, and decided to mow the lawn yesterday to test it out. I'm coming from the non self propelled version of the Gen 2 mower, which was a bit anemic, but got the job done for 3.5 seasons. My caveats here are that I haven't used a gas mower in 20 years, and I've never used a self propelled mower in my life, so I have nothing to compapre against here.
Mowinig Performance:
Overall the mower is really powerful, I mowed most of the lawn bagging, some of it side discharging and some of it mulching. The bagging performance was really good, compared to the Gen 2 mower. It was consistently filling the bag to around 90% full whereas the gen2 was filling it to about 20 or 30% which was annoying. This allowed me to mow almost the hole lawn bagging, which I never realistically would have done on my gen2. The mulching performance was pretty good as well. Sure it left clippings on the lawn, however the grass was wet, and the patch I set up last week to test this by not mowing it was almost 8 inches tall. So this was a bit of a torture test. The mower didn't bog down, nor did it seem really to care that I was asking it to chew through a bunch of stuff. I was even able to cold start the mower while it was in the grass, something I wouldn't have been able to do with my gen 2. The rear - side discharge capability was okay it didn't seem to clog as much as the gen2's side discharge would. The clippings were consistently spread across the lawn, and wasn't patchy as it was coming out.
Consistently filled about 90% of the bag before needing emptying.
Some of this was side discharged, and it was spread well enough that you can't even tell.
The mulching patch I used as a stress test. Almost all of this was 4/5 load with some dips to 5 but no bogging down.
Runtime & discharge:
Overall I would say that while I'm not impressed by the runtime, I'm not disappointed, which is really what matters. I went through one worn and two relatively new DCB609s and one full dcb612 which is roughly the same amount of power -- about is 20v equivalent 36 AH, or 12 AH at 60v accounting for battery wear on my older batteries -- as I would have gone through on my Gen2. The difference is that it went through them faster. This mow would have taken me about 2 and a half hours to do with the gen 2 because I would have had to go over the back yard twice. It's really thick and in need of dethatching, plus I noticed halfway through the mow that I wasn't mowing at the same level as I usually do because I misread the height gauge. All in all I went through all of that battery in about 1 hour 40 while mowing wet grass at a lower setting than my gen2 would have been able to do, so overall it's okay. Only subsequennt mows where I'm not trying to torture the mower will really tell. But I'll happily trade additional battery burn for saving an hour in these circumstances.
Unlike the gen 2 though, when the mower cuts out due to the battery, it's not going again. My batteries still ran the string trimmer after the mower refused to use them anymore, so I think the mower just refuses to run when the voltage coming from the battery gets too low. Both of my DCB609s stopped powering the mower with what I guess to be about 10% remaining. Just a thing I noticed. This mower is asking a lot out of its batteries and overall I'm pretty happy how it used them. The batteries weren't even warm when I took them out and that's with the mower operating at over the 3/5's load bar almost the entire time.
Ease of use:
There are some things that I noticed remain true from Project For Alls review of the 20v mower. (Go check it out on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h\_dU8CoTXDw&t=5s) I did agree that the thumb paddles were slightly awkward, though nothing I'm sure I can't get used to. They're very light action so I'm sure part of it was pushing more firmly on them than I needed to. I can't see how they'd be worse than EGO's SP buttons, they seem like they'd be about the same to me, it really didn't take much effort to depress them. I did also experience the thing he did as well where the drive wheels take a second to disengage so it's hard to back it up, however it's less than half a second on my mower so I'm sure some of that is just me needing to get used to using it. I wouldn't categorize this as a real complaint from my side, just a thing I noted. The main complaint I have about the mower is that it's very rear heavy to the front can bounce a bit more than you'd otherwise like, even more than the gen2. This also has a fun side effect of making the mower very wheelie happy, which is just another thing to get used to, again not really a problem, you just don't want to be pushing downward on the bar when you engage the self drive. One random thing to note, my power button has a cracked plastic retaining latch so if I push to the side, it won't properly reset, I'll probably just fix it I don't think that requires a fully warranty service. I'll probably just 3d print something. It's honestly probably a shipping defect because of how the mower is packaged things could it that area. Am I disappointed, yes, do I really care. No. It's not worth a whole new mowever over a button that still ultimately works. I might tweet them just to let them know, but it's honestly no big deal.
I'm actually not sure if it will fit a 615, however if anyone has one, and can measure the tip of the terminal to the back of the battery I can probably check when I get back home tomorrow. The battery doesn't sit all the way in, so i think the far side of the terminal to the back of the battery is the measurement I need and I didn't see that online.
You can absolutely stow a spare battery with you so that you don't have to go to the garage to get another one. :p
https://preview.redd.it/3yh8fasqbu1d1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=48c2a4ad24942a9be25654f23eaf2b3893882bbf
https://preview.redd.it/bdy0swupbu1d1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=df9ea36d9c993d4c8fdf219071b72182eca42b48
https://preview.redd.it/w3wartjpbu1d1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e923f7acbd6e13b44e39da89f3419848bfa70d58
https://preview.redd.it/0ikxavapbu1d1.jpg?width=3000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f1fb7bd6cfb0e17d425e9969c17db6487ed87958
TL;DR:
The mower has oodles and oodles of power, if you have ever used the full FlexVolt 60v Circular saw, it's that feeling that I'm talking about. It just doesn't care about load. It takes a lot to bog this mower down. Is it an EGO? No. Is it class leading? I'm not sure. It is however a good fit for me because I have FV batteries already from my woodworking tools. So overall I'm happy with this. I would recommend this mower for anyone with a bunch of FV like I do. (I have about 21AH at 60v worth of FV batteries) I'm happy with it, and it saved me about an hour of mowing overmy gen 2. As I said in the intro, I've not used a gas mower, nor ever used a self propelled so I don't have anything to compare this to. What I can say is my lawn is really thick so I was able to validate that this mower has "get up and go" power, and I overall liked the self propel functionality, and that's all that really matters right? It doesn't have to be the literal best to be good. I enjoyed using it, it saved me time, and that's what mattered. I'm happy with it and would recommend it.
Edit: Reddit claimed my first post never posted, and was consistently giving me issues with the post. (I then found out through notifications it went up.) I have deleted the original, sorry for any of you that are seeing a duplicate of this. This one is newer and more thorough, so I'm leaving this one up. I deleted the original. Also, found a few typos.

Credit to u/SpacePaladin15 for the NOP Universe.
Hey, I hope everyone's doing well!
Today we return to the namesake of this fic, an actual lesson about animals. This one focuses on Koalas! One of Australia's most recognisable critters. I hope you enjoy.
It's hardly worth mentioning, seeing as I'm an infrequent poster at the best of times, but I'll not have another chapter out for a few weeks due to limited free time and devoting most of my writing time to an upcoming ficnapping. Be sure to look out for that!
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Memory transcription subject: Rysel, Venlil Environmental Researcher
Date [Standardised human time]: 8th September 2136
“Koalas!”
Bernard’s energised voice boomed through the air as the classroom's monitor flickered into life, images of this paws lecture topic popping up one after the other until the entire screen was filled with a collage of furry quadrupeds.
Squee! I’ll never get tired of this, it’s all so cool!
As usual the sight of something new stirred immediate discussion, hushed murmurs swelling into vibrant discourse in little more than a heartbeat. Most of the class swiftly huddled together into small herds to bounce ideas around while the rest opted to stick to the solace of their own thoughts as they took in the display.
I’d be quite happy in either situation, though seeing as Sandi had already sunk into deep concentration and Kailo had peeled off to talk with Ennerif and Solenk, it seemed the decision had been made for me on this occasion. Wasting no more time on idle inspection of the people around me, I focused my full attention forward, eager to form first impressions before the lesson began in earnest.
Now then, time to make some educated guesses. What traits does this animal have? I wonder if I’ll get any right this paw?
Professional assumptions went paw-in-paw with the lectures, examining and coming up with hypotheses about the specimens was only natural. Recently however, I’d started to make a little game of it to make things even more interesting than usual. A veritable bonfire of ideas had been set ablaze within me, fueled by my newfound knowledge of Earthen wildlife. Every flash and spark of the flame was a fresh theory I could try to apply to the lectures. It was an invigorating exercise that further stoked my unceasing wonderment.
So far I’d only done this once during the previous class and, to my disappointment, I’d not done too well.
I was right when I guessed that chickens were omnivores, but wrong in my assumption that they could fly. And that red thing on their head, the um… what was it called? The comb! Yes, the comb. I thought that was to attract mates, but it regulates body heat instead. It’s fascinating. Oh! Stars damn it I’m rambling!
I bapped my tail against my leg, the soft thud being just enough to snap me back from my runaway thoughts before I went completely wall-eyed. I was becoming more and more accustomed to getting lost in my own head while remaining conscious of the fact; it was happening so frequently now that it was pretty much impossible not to. Now I was able to pull myself back to the world around me without having to rely on someone else shaking me out of it. Most of the time anyway.
Sandi still keeps an eye on me, and Kailo even decided to help out once without being too snide about it. Anyway where was I? Oh yeah, Koalas.
Glancing at the furred animals, two things immediately stood out. Firstly, their eyes were in a more central position on their face. And second, all the images showed them being on or close to trees. There were other noteworthy observations of course, such as the Koala’s prominent nose and rounded features, but they fell to the wayside as I honed in on these points first.
Hmmm… ok. I already know to discount the idea that they’re predators just from eye position, so let’s get that thought out of here. Maybe omnivorous? Herbivore? Agh no, I can’t just guess that for the sake of guessing, that’s the same problem! Hrm, it’s tough making these assumptions now that everything I thought I knew has been turned on its head.
Nevermind, I’ll focus on the other thing. All the trees make me think they’re arboreal, that seems to be a reasonable assumption. I wonder what else they-
Clearing his throat, Bernard broke my concentration, his call for attention silencing the murmuring conversation and redirecting everyone's focus to the lecturer's podium.
His gaze panned across the room as he waited for everyone to settle, a beaming smile lighting up his face, “As ever I’m delighted to see you all get so into the subject matter from the get go. I’m looking forward to hearing what you were discussing should you wish to share. For now though, how about we get started, hm?”
A chorus of merry bleats rang out from across the audience, ears and tails flicking happily in agreement. Bernard's grin grew in tandem with the class's fervour, clasping his hands together enthusiastically as he launched into the lesson, “Excellent! Then let’s get started.”
The pictures on screen dissolved away until only one remained, enlarging to cover the entire monitor with the fluffy grey face of a Koala peacefully reclining in the crook of a tree.
“Ah, there we are,” Bernard’s baritone timbre drifted through the room as he looked up at the image, his own tone reflecting the relaxed attitude of the animal on screen, “He looks so comfortable doesn’t he? Perfectly at peace with the world, not too surprising considering they sleep almost 20 hours a day. A full paw!”
A wave of beeps and gasps rippled through the herd, punctuated by a single yawn-dressed comment from Rova, “A full paw? Hwuuu… jealous.”
Her drowsy remark elicited several whistling giggles from the herd, Bernard's own jovial chortle joining them as he turned to face her, “Late evening Rova?”
I twisted a little in my seat, panning an eye in Rova’s direction just in time to see her bleary eyes bulge open and her ears shoot up, now intensely aware of the fact she hadn’t been as quiet as she thought she had.
Sitting up abruptly, she hastily tapped down errant tufts of wool that’d flared in surprise as she composed herself, though her nervousness at becoming the centre of the class's attention was still plain for all to hear, “Uh- I um… achem, a little bit yes, um- …sorry. Lokki dragged me out to a movie viewing in the rec centre. It went on pretty late.”
A melodramatic bray from the other side of the room drew everyone's ears away from Rova to the now aghast Lokki, paw splayed across his chest in faux indignation, “Dragged you? Well excuse me for trying to broaden your horizons with human movies. That’ll be the list time I- …Ahaaaa…”
Lokki’s theatrics were cut short by a heavy yawn of his own, a swell of whistling laughter rolling through the herd as vibrant bloom lit up his snout, a sight that elicited a particularly amused bleat from Rova.
Turning away from the duo I looked back at Bernard, pleased to see that he was chuckling along with us. Behaviour like Lokki’s would never have been tolerated in my school and university days but, in stark contrast, Bernard revelled in it, the liveliness of his students fueling his own bombastic style of teaching. It was a pleasant change of pace having a teacher who let us all be ourselves in class; provided we weren’t too disruptive to the lesson plan.
Speaking of which.
His laughter still rumbling through the air, Bernard clapped his hands to pull everyone's focus back to him, “Ok, ok, let’s get back to it then shall we? Rova. Lokki. Hopefully the two of you can stay awake long enough until you can grab yourselves a coffee.”
As the class settled down and the last few giggling beeps petered out, Benard pointed a hand to the screen, “So, the Koala. Let’s start simple shall we? They are herbivorous marsupials native to the eastern and southern coasts of Australia. Easily recognised the world over, they are a well known and beloved symbol of their homeland, along with other animals such as the Kangaroo and the Emu. The former of which you might remember from one of our earlier lectures.”
Indeed I did remember, along with how angry Bernard had gotten after some speh-head had derided the Yotul after he explained how he held specific disdain for such attitudes.
Uuuggghh… I never want to see him angry again. So chilling.
I shook my ears in an effort to dismiss the unpleasant memory, panning my eyes back to the monitor to try and distract myself by inspecting the Koala’s physical appearance once more. Thankfully, by some Star's blessed intervention, Bernard had the exact same idea.
“Koala’s are rather squat in stature, ranging around sixty to eighty-five centimetres in length and weighing little more than fifteen to sixteen kilograms at their full size. As you can see, the fur of this fellow before you is a lovely silvery grey, but their fur can also sport a chocolaty brown hue as well. Arguably the most distinctive part of their appearance is their head, being rather large for their body size and having rounded ears, a large nose, and a pair of small eyes. These are often brown but variations do occur.”
It didn’t slip past my notice that Bernard didn’t bother to point out that the Koala’s eyes were forward facing. I didn’t think he’d simply forgotten, so perhaps he just felt it wasn’t necessary given that he’d already stated it was herbivorous. Either way, no one stuck up a paw or tail to question him.
“Now this will hardly be surprising considering how long they sleep, but Koala’s are largely sedentary and it’s rather easy to see why when you have a look into the contents of their diet.”
With the press of a button the Koala on screen was replaced by images of vibrant green vegetation. Soaring trees and flowering shrubbery weaved together across landscape framed pictures pulled admiring trills from the herd, the diversity of the plant life being shown standing as a reminder that it wasn’t only animal life that flourished on Earth.
After giving everyone the chance to take in the picturesque scenes, Bernard casually hammered that point home, “This is eucalyptus or, more accurately, a choice selection of more than 700 plants belonging to the eucalyptus genus, though the Koala itself favours 30 of them in particular.”
700!? Stars…
Realising that my ears had drooped in my momentary awe, I twisted them back to tune into the lesson, only for them to splay out in shock at the next words to come out of Bernard's mouth.
“The leaves of these plants are the primary food source of the Koala and there are a couple things worth mentioning when talking about these plants. For starters they do not have much nutritional or caloric value, leading to the Koala’s low-energy lifestyle. Additionally, they contain toxic compounds.”
A shiver instantly ran through the herd, ears flicking rapidly in confusion and alarm followed by a few quizzical whispers. It didn’t take long for someone to decide to give a proper voice to the murmuring.
“Excuse me Doctor. Did we hear that right? Their diet is made up of toxic flora?” Vlek’s grumbling incredulity cut through the herd's mutterings with ease. Until Kailo’s recent change of heart, the fifty something rotation old blonde Venlil had been a close second in terms of scepticism. Mercifully his rebuttals had always been relevant questions as opposed to ranting diatribes, so he at least remained on topic if nothing else.
Bernard nodded in confirmation, smiling back at Vlek while absentmindedly twirling the end of his moustache, “You heard me right, they do indeed consume plants that are toxic. Just not to them.”
Any worry or uncertainty still clinging to the herd was swept away by the provision of the glaringly obvious answer, leaving me chuckling inwardly at the oversight.
Ah of course! The plant might be poisonous but they’ll have evolved to deal with that. Stars… I’m so used to expecting the unexpected with Earth that I didn’t even consider the simplest solution.
“I see, thank you Doctor,” Vlek replied, a tinge of interest still audible in his tone, “I assume they’ve developed some adaptation to become immune to the harmful effects?”
The question immediately evoked a smirk from our teacher, but he hurriedly suppressed it while bobbing his head, “They have indeed. There are several factors that aid in their digestion of eucalyptus leaves without succumbing to the plant's baleful properties. The first is a part of the intestinal tract called the cecum. It contains a microbiome that allows the Koala to digest the eucalyptus. Coupled with this is an enzyme in the Koala’s liver that helps them break down the toxins. They are also capable of sniffing out the plants with the least amount of toxins, ensuring that they ingest as little as possible.”
Pausing for a breath Bernard looked back at the screen before turning to face us, another grin curling at the edges of his mouth as he continued with his explanation, “This is mostly for adult Koala’s, because while their young also possess these same adaptations, they don’t just go straight to munching through foliage right after being born. No, they need a little help making that jump and getting a stomach full of all that good gut bacteria. It’s nothing bad, but those of a sensitive stomach may wish to prepare themselves for this next part.”
Bernard’s assurances did little to assuage the concern that his warning had foisted upon us. Having been exposed to so much of the weirdness Earth had to offer everyone always ended up on edge whenever Bernard gave advice like this, even if he did say it in jest.
What strange nonsense thing do Koala pups do then? Judging by the way he’s acting it probably isn’t something as simple as drinking milk from the mother. Hmmm…
“So,” Bernard began, snapping us from our pensive stupor, “Young Koala’s, known as joeys, have a gestation period of thirty-five days on average, which is approximately forty-two paws. Once born they travel from the birth canal to a pouch in their mother so that they can continue to develop and grow. In the pouch the joey finds and latches onto one of two teats and these provide the newborn with a steady stream of nourishing milk. It spends the next six to seven months growing in the pouch, its eyes, ears, and fur all developing as time goes on.”
Okay, interesting. But this is exactly how I thought it’d go. What’s different?
The unexpected normalcy of the Koala’s birth and growth cycle had calmed everyone's nerves, only to be replaced with an air of suspicion as we waited with rapt attention for Bernard to drop the other claw and upend our expectations like he always did.
Not wanting to keep us in further suspense he forged ahead, the tempo of his voice picking up as the smile started to crease his face once more, “Now to make the switch from milk to eucalyptus, the mother also feeds the joey a substance called pap. It comes from the cecum I mentioned earlier, and contains all the gut bacteria required to help the young Koala in making the switch to eucalyptus.”
He stopped and looked around, searching us for a reaction to what I felt was a rather bland statement of fact. What was it he was saying without actually saying? Koala pups drink milk to mature and then include this pap substance so that they can start eating plants. I don’t see what-
The cecum is part of the intestine.
I blinked.
I blinked again, the intrusive interruption scouring my brain clean of any other thought bar the one it’d just implanted itself in the forefront of my mind.
Oh stars. They-
“They eat their own poop!?”
The shocked bleat shattered the peace of the room to reveal that most if not all of us had come to the same tail curling conclusion. As the hall filled with unrestrained vocalisations of disgust, an ‘Ugh’ over here and a ‘Blegh’ over there, Bernard’s own bellowing laughter joined the throng of voices.
“Ha! Everytime! Each and every time. Clearly it doesn’t matter if my students are Human or Venlil. Whenever someone learns about the Koala’s dietary development the reaction is the same!”
Pleased with himself beyond reason, Bernard chuckled away while the rest of us grappled with this ghastly reality. While there were plenty of animals that feasted on things that ranged from simply unappealing all the way to the stomach churningly grotesque, I’d never heard of an animal that actively consumed the excrement of its own species. Benefits aside, the prospect of having to do that to survive to adulthood sent a shiver of revulsion down my spine.
Ewww… Stars, I hope I forget this feeling by 2nd meal. They’re serving sturen and magamroot stew later. I was really looking forward to it.
With the herds mood beginning to temper Bernard tapped the podiums controls, removing the verdant collage of eucalyptus to display several similar yet distinct environments, still chortling merrily to himself in the process, “Ok then, with that little foray into their diet complete, why don’t we look at their habitat in more detail? As you might imagine given their diet and arboreal nature, Koala’s live in forested regions, and can be found in tropical and temperate zones. About a century ago they were classed as a vulnerable species, however efforts were made to turn this around and increase their numbers. Sadly the largest factor in their decline was human activity, as the fertile lands that gave rise to their bountiful forests were coveted farm land for our settlements.”
It was strange to hear Bernard so matter of factly admit to humanity's negative impacts on other species. He’d alluded to such things in the past but always with an air of caution, carefully pawing the line between honestly answering a question while not painting humanity as uncaring and destructive. AKA, the ‘predators’ we’d all initially expected them to be.
Perhaps his comfort in making such admissions was a reflection of the class's comfort with him, for no one so much as batted an ear. Even Kailo, who I would’ve expected to jump at the chance to use this as a prime example of predatory danger, only flicked an ear in stern yet silent concern.
A cough from Bernard drew my attention back, a new picture on screen that showed a forest from a bird's-eye view. Drawn across the image were around a dozen ringed areas, some bordering one another while others overlapped to some degree. It took me a moment, but I soon recognised that what I was looking at was a map, the rings representing what I assumed to be territories. And it didn’t take much effort to guess who each one belonged to.
“From habitats we move onto behaviours, so let’s start with territories. Koala’s are solitary animals. Yes, despite being herbivores. Considering they’re only awake for roughly four hours of the day I can hardly blame them. Lots to do and not a lot of time to do it. Jokes aside, once they mature they are quite independent, carving out a little slice of land for themselves, as displayed in this example, called a Home Range. That is not to say they go it alone and leave everything else behind however. Rather, as shown in the map behind me, they live in their own space while still being part of a larger social group.”
With another press of his pad the picture was updated to show one of two symbols in each segment, along with a key to the side of the map displayed in helpful Venlang. A quick glance told me that the symbols were representing whether the territory belonged to a male or female of the species.
“As you can see there is quite a bit of overlap between different Koala’s territories. It is in these areas that most of the socialising takes place between neighbours. The trees in these locations represent the few areas where intrusion across territories is acceptable for the sake of social interaction. Outside of that the Koala’s stick to their own territories for the most part, with the exceptions of Koala’s who are passing through, attempting to become part of the social group themselves, or dominant males who sometimes go off into another Koala’s range. But how do they know where one range begins and another range ends you might ask? Well, this brings us onto the next part of the lecture. How do Koala’s communicate?”
Wiping away the map from the monitor, Bernard loaded up a video of a Koala sitting in a tree and pressed play. Head held high, the Koala’s body shook as it belted out a reverberating call into the wilderness that could only be described as a garbled combination of a car engine failing to turn over mixed with the hiccups of someone with a particularly sore throat.
That’s how they sound? Oof that must be rough on the lungs.
I clearly wasn’t the only one to share such a thought, because I clocked Sandi tracing a paw along her neck as the noise went on, ears fluttering in discomfort at the noise.
Bernard himself cleared his own throat as the video came to an end, minimising it and replacing it with another image of a tree with a Koala rubbing up against the bark, “I think they’ve got me beat on who’s got the deeper voice!”
His joke garnered several amused beeps, a rare reaction that caused a beaming smile to shine across his face at lighting speed, “Oh you’re too kind. I’ll be here all week. Now where were we? Oh yes! Communication. As you’ve just heard, Koala’s are capable of loud low pitched bellows that can carry over vast distances. These express everything from ‘Hello I’m over here’ to ‘This is my turf, stay away’. Bellowing is more common in the males than the females, opting for shouting matches as opposed to outright fights when it comes to asserting dominance. Other vocal expressions include grunts, wails, and snarls if they’re acting particularly angsty. Mother and joey pairs also communicate through gentle clicking, squeaking, and murmuring sounds. And there’s one more thing worth mentioning. Something they have in common with Humans and Venlil when it comes to emoting.”
Really? They do something we do?
Curious, I pressed myself against the desk, straining as close as I could to once more scrutinise the Koala’s features. Not a lot stood out to me at first, the grey marsupial not sharing many similarities with a Venlil that I could identify.
Ok think. We show emotion with our ears, tails, and our wool on occasion. They don’t have tails so it’s obviously not that. Wool standing on end is more a reaction than a conscious expression. So it must be the ears then.
To my quiet satisfaction, my hunch was soon validated by Bernard, “As well as their vocalisations, Koala’s are very emotive through their facial features. Just like humans, they use their mouths and lips to show how they feel, but these tend more towards the aggressive side of the scale than what you might see on a human. Regarding yourselves however, Koala’s utilise their ears in tandem with their mouth movements when showing strong emotion.”
I was delighted to hear that my assumption was correct, a little happy flick twisting out through my tail and bapping against my chair with a muted thump against the plastic.
Hehe yes! Got one right!
“Now then, we are getting close to lunchtime so I’ll finish this segment off with something I think you’ll find particularly interesting. Diplomacy.”
Perplexed mutterings followed in the wake of the bizarre inclusion to the lecture, my own thoughts being dominated by bewilderment as I tried and failed to make sense of how the two could possibly be related.
Why would Koala’s, or any animal for that matter, be linked to diplomacy? Hmmm...
I could understand dispatching exterminators to deal with a predator issue as a show of goodwill, that at least includes animals, but Humans aren’t like that so I think I can safely scratch that off the list.
Maybe the humans who live in that region benefited from Koala’s in some way. Could they have gotten something from them? But what?
Hopefully not what the pups get from their mothers.
Agh no! Begone awful intrusive thoughts. Blegh! I don’t need that in my head.
As I wrestled with the short-lived revulsion inflicted upon me by my Star's damned subconscious, Bernard placed a new image on screen, one that was decidedly different from all that had preceded it.
On screen were more than a couple dozen pictures of humans. Some were pictured alone while others congregated in large groups while cameras surrounded them from all angles. Across all the images, I noted two common themes. First of all, a solid majority of the humans were wearing formal wear similar to what I’d seen worn by UN representatives on TV. If the gaggle of journalists in the background of the photos didn’t already confirm my suspicions, then it was this similarity which made me conclude they were all people of some importance. Likely politicians judging from context clues.
Secondly, each of the individuals was interacting with a Koala in some form. Some cradled one against their chests while others were feeding it eucalyptus leaves or pellets of some kind. One of the assumed politicians had become an impromptu bed for a snoozing bundle of fur, a gleeful smile spread across their face as they lovingly gazed down at the sleeping Koala in their lap.
As I continued to stare at the assorted photos something clicked into place, a sudden spark flickering into life. A burgeoning light of comprehension that flared and swelled with every wide-eyed breath I took. Some things still escaped me, things I hoped would soon be explained, but in staring at all of the humans happy smiling faces, I was struck with an instant of pure understanding.
If someone, say a Nevok for instance, offered to gift me a creature that was common to them but which might exotic and breathtaking to a Venlil, how could my feelings not be swayed? How could I walk away from that encounter and not have grown closer to them as a result?
“Koala diplomacy,” Bernard waved his hand up at the monitor, a slight reverence in his tone, “My favourite kind of soft power diplomacy. Where political leaders take photo ops with Koala’s and, on occasion, the Australian government loans Koala’s to other nations for a time to bolster positive relations. It certainly helps that Koala’s are a beloved animal worldwide, drawing large crowds and revenue for countries fortunate enough to host the adorable critters.”
The truly alien concept predictably sparked instant discussion in the herd, two polar opposite schools of thought swiftly cementing themselves as the most popular opinions. Simultaneously, I heard one voice trill excitedly while another scoffed at what they clearly saw as a ridiculous and offensive notion.
“Squee! That’d be so cool! I’d love to get the chance to see a Liri from Coila. Remember the Rainbow Boa? Think of that shimmering effect and colour but put it on a bird! Ah! I’ve only heard their song on video. It’d be a treat to hear it in person!”
Ooo! I’ve read about them! I’d love to get up close to one.
“Loaning. As if animals are property to be hoarded and traded? Pugh! Another predatory trait the humans don’t want to acknowledge for what it is.”
Ugh, typical. Jump right to the worst possible option.
However, despite my dismissal of their disparaging fumings, an uncomfortable thought pressed upon my mind. While it was plain to see how much humans cared for the Koala, it didn’t change the fact that humans did keep animals as property just as the scornful herd member had said.
This begged a rather important, disquieting question. Aside from keeping some animals as cattle, a stomach tightening minefield I had no desire to step a claw onto right now, how else did humans keep other creatures. And how did they treat them?
Before I was fully conscious of doing it my paw was in the air, the question primed on my tongue.
Noticing my elevated paw Bernard pointed at me, smiling warmly, “Yes Rysel? What’s on your mind?”
Sorry Bernard. I hope this one’s not too awkward for you to answer.
Flicking my ear in appreciation, and waiting for everyone to settle enough so that I could be heard, I voiced my concerns as neutrally as possible, “Thank you Doctor. I uh, just had a thought. We know that humans keep certain animals for… particular reasons, and we know why. From how you’ve spoken about Koala’s I think it's fair to say that the same cannot be said for them. However, this makes me wonder, what other reasons do humans have for keeping animals and how do you treat them?”
A flash of surprise blinked across Bernard's eyes but vanished so quickly that it felt like I’d imagined it. Had he not expected such a question? Maybe he was just shocked that it’d been me who’d ended up asking it?
Stars, am I so predictable that no one expects me to ask difficult questions?
Unfortunately, a quick glance at my deskmates seemed to prove that to be the case, as both Sandi and Kailo were looking at me with differing degrees of astonishment flapping in their ears.
Well speh.
“A very good point Rysel, certainly one that’s worth raising. Yet another example of you all anticipating what I have to say before I can bring it up myself.” Bernard tapped the podium, switching off the monitor before returning his focus to me, “We won’t be needing that. I’ve nothing prepared that I can show you and we’re heading to lunch in a few minutes anyway. Still, that’s plenty of time to give you a bit of an answer.”
A bit? What does he mean just a bit?
Made even more curious by Bernard's preempted admission that he wasn’t going to fully answer my query, I dialled both my ears on him, fixing him with an inquisitive stare as he started to explain with a tone that was noticeably more nonchalant than any of his previous explanations.
“So, animals in captivity for reasons other than what you already know. Honestly I would love to delve into other reasons regarding why we keep animals. However, I have a lesson plan in the works that I hope to share with you all in the not too distant future. Some of it touches upon this very topic and I’d quite like to bundle it all together. That said, I can tell you how animals in captivity are treated. In short, the answer is very well. There are a mountain of laws both on private and public interests that govern the standards and ethical treatment of animals, and breaches of these laws are quite severe even for relatively minor infractions.”
While I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed by the vague answer to what was really the bulk of my question, I was at least satisfied by Bernard’s assurances that animals in captivity, such as the Koala, were well looked after. Considering the barely subdued grumbling coming from some corners of the audience it was clear that several of the herd didn’t believe Bernard outright, but I trusted him to be honest. Additionally, the mention of an upcoming lecture focused on humans keeping animals caused quite the buzz.
I felt a mix of excitement and trepidation at exploring the topic further. He’d pretty much confirmed we wouldn’t be talking about cattle farms, for which I was relieved, but that still left a huge amount of uncertainty in what was to come.
Humans keeping animals as cattle was a forgone conclusion. As horrifying as that reality was, it was one I could understand from a detached and strictly clinical point of view. Being predators they ate meat and therefore they kept cattle. But the concept of keeping animals for any other reason baffled me.
What could be the purpose? The diplomacy thing makes sense now that I have context, but what other reasons could they have.
The class's discussions were interrupted by the recognisable ring of the break bell, the shift in attention eliciting a change in conversation from confused hypotheses to peppy conversation on how everyone was planning to spend their break and what they had in mind for 2nd meal.
“Well I can see everyone’s excited for lunch, and who am I to disappoint,” chuckling Bernard waved us all up from our seats, pocketing his pad from the podium and heading to open the classroom door for us, “Enjoy your break, get a good rest along with a hearty meal, and I’ll see you all back here at the usual time.”
As everyone else filed out I stayed behind, waving at Sandi and Kailo as they left, and pawing over to Bernard once he and I were the only ones left in the room.
Ears folded down and with an apologetic tinge in my voice I greeted him as I sidled up to him, “Hey Bernard, I uh… sorry if that last question was unexpected.”
Chortling in reply, Bernard waved a hand through the air in a sign I’d come to understand meant ‘not a problem’.
“No need to apologise Rysel. It was a good question and most certainly not a problem.”
Heh, called it.
I sighed, allowing tension I didn’t realise I’d been holding to relax itself from my shoulders, “Phew, that’s a relief. I’m glad. I’m curious to hear what this new lesson is you’ve got in store for us by the way.”
Bernard wagged a finger at me, throwing up his eyebrows in mock amazement, “Oh are you now? Well I’m afraid you’ll have to remain curious for the time being. It’s going to be quite the surprise if all goes to plan. But…”
He trailed off, glancing at me before looking to the door like he was making sure no one else was around.
Wait, is he going to tell me? Oh please yes let me know now!
Stopping myself from jumping on the spot in excited anticipation, and trying my damndest to stop my tail from wagging in equal measure, I stared up at Bernard as he stewed in his thoughts before turning back to face me.
“I can’t tell you the specifics, but I’m working with Alejandro and Tolim to get something together. A trip that’s not a trip as it were. And when it happens, I’m going to need a few of the more accepting members of the class to lend me a hand. I’m hoping you and a couple others will be able to help with that?”
A trip that’s not a trip? What does that mean? Agh who cares about that right now! Bernard’s relying on me to help out!
Still trying not to keep myself from bouncing around with pup like glee I swished my tail and nodded my head in joint agreement, happy to help with whatever Bernard had in store for us, “Of course! Anything you need I’ll be there to lend a paw. You can count on me!”
A broad warm smile lit up Bernard's face, a hand patting me on the shoulder in appreciation, “Thank you Rysel. I knew I could rely on you but it still warms my heart to hear it. And, as thanks for this and for the many times you’ve shown your support, the surprise includes a little something special I think you’d appreciate the most.”
If my earlier enthusiasm had been at a nine, then the implication of a supposed gift sent it rocketing all the way to a hundred in a heartbeat.
“Wait… WHAT!? What do you mean? What are you doing?”
As impossible as it seemed, Bernard's grin grew even wider as I almost lost myself in wool shaking exhilaration, “Call it my own form of Koala diplomacy. But I’m afraid that’s all I can say for now. Wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise even for you!”
“Oh you ass!” Whistling jovially I bapped my tail against Bernard’s leg in fake indignation, evoking a barking bellowing laugh from the man himself.
Still laughing, the two of us departed the class and made for the canteen, my rumbling stomach leading me on while my mind spun with fantastical thoughts as to what Bernard had prepared for us.
And what specifically he had in store for me.

Hello, here I am once again! First ever Fan-Fic.
Last week I opened a poll about the type of Fan-Fic I should write (or try to), and after a good 4 days I took a look at said poll, and the overwhelming majority went for Option 2. And so I shall try my hardest to deliver, and give you all a story about Humanity entering on the Galactic stage later and being more prepared for eventual hostile encounters, and acting as such.
Let's see what I can cook up in my tired state- Some creative liberties are to be expected.
Still thinking of a Title- but this is the one I came up with.
... Also consider this a proof of concept for now, a WIP if you will, as I'm still new to writing (and not a native English speaker either) and wanting to learn as much as possible while writing anything at all- so expect word vomit. Any and all feedback will be welcomed.
Lastly, all love to for having made such an amazing universe.
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Memory Transcription Subject: N/A, AI Communications Unit Terminal, UN-HQ.
Date [Standardized Human Time]: January 1st, 2300, 00:00
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<<00:15, Probe successfully launched. Explore protocol initiated.>>
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Log Update: 01:15
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Log Update: 10:15
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Log Update: 10:35
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Log Update: 10:50
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Memory Transcription Subject: N/A, Terminal Deactivated.
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Memory Transcription Subject: Alan Voor-hein, UN Secretary-General.
Date [Standardized Human Time]: January 1st, 2300, 11:00
It has finally happened. A fellow space-faring civilization has been found, something we thought would happen one day- Never in my 40 years would I have guessed it would happen in my lifetime. But I guess that is the thought process for everyone who are now involved.
I had gotten the first message out of anyone. It was now up to me to head to the HQ and get everything ready for the Emergency meeting. We'll have to "discuss" our next course of action on this situation. And I use the term "discuss" lightly, because there is not a lot to discuss, rather there is much to think about as a potential next step. I'll be having these discussions with our diplomatic and military advisors. Civil advisors will be left out, as to not make the public aware of this discovery ...at least, not yet.
I have an hour to get everything ready... and I still need to travel 20 minutes to get there. Luckily I have my own companion who can be my chauffeur- who is always ready at a moments notice, essentially 24/7.
I was speed-walking.. or speedily descending more like it, down the stairs of my house. ...Don't ask me what I was doing upstairs. My hastiness almost caused me to trip while going down the stairs because I was in a such rush to get outside, I did not have a lot of time on my hands.
After reaching the ground-floor I sped-walked past the kitchen, and I took a second to contemplate about taking a quick bite from a snack, but I decided against it. After-all, I could eat at the HQ... not that I'd have the time too, but at least I could give it a shot if I arrive in time.
As my journey to the front door continued, I was met with a familiar face- namely Heluni. Heluni is my Android companion. Android technology has gotten far over the last few decades, and Androids have become more Human than ever before.
"Good morning Alan!" Heluni spoke up, her voice as smooth as the calmest oceans. I looked towards her, and greeted her in return.
"Morning Heluni- Sorry to be a bother, but I gotta use your driving expertise again today. Emergency UN meeting. It's at 12, but I would like to be there as quickly as possible. Can you do that for me?"
"Of course I can, sir. Right this way." She led the way, opening the front door, waiting on me to follow behind her. I took my place behind her as she led me towards our car that was parked outside. A classic unmarked "not noticeable" vehicle, one everyone knows screams "here is someone important" but no one seems to care about in their daily life.
And like always when walking outside, my mind wandered to the flowing shoulder long hair Heluni has, her hair was always a beautiful sight to behold. How she- an Android- managed to have the hair of a Goddess remains a mystery to me. But I learned to never question our technological prowess.
Before I knew it, I was standing next to the car, Heluni having already taken the drivers seat. I took my seat in the back. And before I even sat down, Heluni look back at me. "Ready sir?"
"Floor it." was the only thing I responded with.. and Heluni took off like it was the end of the world.
... And I'm suddenly reminded why I only used her driving skills in Emergencies. This type of driving is gonna make me sick- but it's to late now, I suppose. I gazed down to my watch, and it's 11:15. If Heluni keeps driving like this, we'll be there in about 10 minutes.
...
I'm just gonna try and keep myself calm, as to not make myself sick with Heluni her driving.
...
We drove through the city towards the UN Headquarters. Heluni was cutting through the traffic wherever she could- you'd think we would get pulled over. But the only reason we never were, was because the only symbol on this car (to at least mark it somewhat) was that the UN symbol was put in place of the car-manufacturer logo. Any officer knew that, if a UN car was speeding like this, there was something going on.
But since I still did not want the public to know about the discovery made earlier today, I'd have to come up with some excuse for this... I think I'll wave it off as a training exercise for my Android.
Noticing that I was rather quiet, Heluni chirped up. "Sir, is everything okay?"
"Hm? .. Oh yeah, just thinking about stuff. Don't worry about it."
"Sir, is it about the upcoming meeting? What is it about?"
"..Heluni, that's confidential information-"
"I know sir, but perhaps.. whatever it will be about, is making you nervous?"
... Am I nervous? I don't think I am- maybe subconsciously I am??
...
"Well, I can say it's something I have never planned on doing."
"Is it bad?" Heluni asked me, trying to inquire more out of me.
"Depends on future circumstances...."
"Will I be allowed to know more about this meeting?"
"One day you will, Heluni. But for now, that's gonna be a negative."
"I understand, Sir."
...
For the rest of our journey, no words were spoken. I was deep in thought again. Like.. what does this mean for my career? I will be the first leader in UN history who may lay the ground-works for an eventual "First Contact" between Humans and an Alien species.
I'm nervous thinking ahead that far, for all we know, they are those type of Alien we have seen in pop-culture. Either fun and loving, or utterly ruthless and genocidal. What would they think of us? ... What will we think of them? Is there a potential for a future war?
We have that last one covered at least. Humans being Humans and all- we already have a decent Space going fleet of roughly 8000 ships of various sizes. ... Just in case a Colony gets any funny ideas with their local security forces. But now knowing we might have to face off against Aliens as well, I think it's about time to ramp up the ship production tenfold.
More importantly, we have to spy on them. Luckily that probe we sent is close to their planet, so we'll just use that for any surveillance and intelligence..
My thoughts were shaken back into reality from plausible scenarios once we took a tight corner a little too fast- but before I could scold Heluni for it, there it was, the UN-HQ in the distance. A few more minutes, and we'll be there.
...
===---===
There we have it! I think I did well in my tired state for this first part. I'll keep looking through the text itself from time to time. So if any feedback, grammar, etc, is thrown my way. I can implement them right away.
I hope this is setting a decent stage for what's to come. Hope you had fun reading this!
For now, Imma chill with some music.

NOTE: I posted this elsewhere yesterday when I was completely spiraling. I feel a a fraction of a bit better today. I'm leaving this in word-for-word. Even though I say at the end I don't know why I posted this, I guess I do want to hear about other people's experiences. Its felt better to get this out.
The last three years of my life have been pretty tough, but I really thought I had come through the other side. I (M39) decided to go back to school, as I was not very happy in my former field. It was an extremely tough thing to do, as I would be taking a pay cut for the foreseeable future. My ex-girlfriend and I had been together for almost three years at this point and owned a house together. She said she supported my decision and understood my time would become limited considerably while I was in my program. Well that was a fucking lie. Almost immediately she started complaining about me "not taking her out" like I used to, or not doing as many projects around the house. The program I was in was already anxiety-inducing enough. To cut a long story short (because this isn't event what this post is about), I came to see our relationship was transactional, developed severe anxiety, and started to suffer health-related problems like high blood pressure. By the skin of my teeth I passed my program, became licensed, but had lingering issues around everything that had gone down in that span of time.
Over the last six months I have put in a lot of work and truly felt very hopeful for my future. I saw a therapist, got on some medications, lost 20 lbs. and got into great shape. Starting this new field has been a challenge, but also rewarding in the way I was looking for. I met a girl at work which I was very hesitant about d/t setting and some lingering anxiety issues. There was common interest, and I really explained what I had gone through and where I felt like I was. We both agreed to take things VERY SLOW. Hiking, lunch, movies, very casual for the first month. We finally had our first "serious" date - a fancy late night dinner and tickets to a show. We had some wine at her house after, and after some light touching and kissing, we had the conversation of getting tested because we were very much both interested in pursuing more. She had an ex give her chlamydia and had an upcoming OB/GYN appointment and was planning and getting a full workup. I thought "Well I've only slept with two women in the past eight years and have had no issues," but knew I hadn't been tested since 2016, which had shown I was clean.
I got my results back last Friday. HSV II. I'm fucking stunned. I mean I couldn't fucking breath. Full blown panic attack. I have never had any issues with my penis at all. Never any pain urinating, nothing. All the anxiety that I had worked so hard to get rid of came back and crushed me over this last weekend. It was all I could do to to get through my 12-hour shifts. I immediately hit up both of my ex's to figure out who the hell had given me this, as there was no other way. Last ex proceeds to tell me she had been tested about six months ago when she started dating her new boyfriend. I confirm she's clean for HSV II. She proceeds to berate me for being an idiot and a near 40 year-old with a disease now. I'll admit I'm not very proud of this, but she assumed I had caught something after her and I did not tell her that that left only the possibility of my relationship before her passing this to me.
So on to the title and why I'm so devastated. I'm really racking my brain on how I could have this but never see anything wrong with my penis. Then I read something that was my 'getting struck by lightening' moment. It was a post that is very similar to mine. Guy gets tested, guy gets HSV II diagnosis, perplexed at no previous penis symptoms. But he does get pretty bad cold sores from time-to-time. His Dr informs him that it's very possibly to get HSV II on your face. Now I never thought I had a cold sore before, but I remember back in 2017 getting an infected hair follicle in the hair right below my bottom lip after shaving. I went to the Dr, he looks at it and says "Yup, looks like an infection," give me antibiotics, but it doesn't go away for about two weeks. About two years after that, same thing happens: I shave, my follicle gets infected, I get more antibiotics from the Dr, and though it's not anywhere near as bad as the first time it still takes about two weeks to heal. Then almost exactly a year ago the same thing pops about, but this time I haven't shaved. Call my Dr, gives me antibiotics without even looking at it. I start looking at HSV II outbreaks in the same area as I was getting my infected follicle. I find a few pictures that look dead-on from what mine looks like. I at least though "Well, it's on my penis, condoms exist," but I'm not exaggerating in the least when I tell you after my realization I felt like the hopeless protagonist at the end of an HP Lovecraft novel where he realizes there is indeed a fate worse than death.
I'm finally able to get ahold of my ex from back in 2016. She confirms to me that she indeed has HSV II, but didn't think to tell me because we hadn't spoken in years. "I figured if you didn't reach out then we were good." This confirms she cheated on me because we were tested together. I don't even care about that now. Now my focus shifts to the girl I'm currently dating. She knows something is up. So I just started at where we work and on the other hand she's been there for six years. She is like family to most people on the floor. I'm the annoying new guy who barely knows anyone. She has her OB/GYN appointment today and I realize I need to tell her that not only do I have HSV II, that it's on my face and there is possibility she might have it on hers' too. She is very calm about it but I can tell in her voice that she is shook. I hope to beyond all fucking hope that her test comes back all clear. I'm also legitimately contemplating put in my resignation at work, a job I just fucking started. There's no way this doesn't get out at work and I don't become ostracized. I don't know how I'm going to approach this in the future, I don't see any romance in my life anymore. And this is so fucking selfish, but if I gave this to her I am legitimately scared on how this will make ME feel. I'm scarred that that guilt will cripple me and I'll be doomed to live in constant anxiety. I don't feel any better writing this all out, in fact I feel worse. I have no idea why the fuck I'm posting this.

While doing my case rankings the other day I noted that 2-2 could probably work as a final case if it was rewritten and expanded a bit. So I thought it would be a fun exercise to take cases and keep their premise while reducing/expending their scope so they could work at different point in the game. Since I already mentioned it, I'll switch 2-2 and 2-4.
2-2: Turnabout Ceremony
Pretty much the same basic premise, except that Adrian is caught red-handed by Lotta while she's framing Matt, and she gets arrested instead, with no kidnapping plot as a result. De Killer is also replaced by another hitman who's more grounded and less of a Batman super villain. The hitman, actually a hotel bellboy for several years with some ties to the mafia, had his own grudge against Juan Corrida, and was paid by Matt to do the deed.
Adrian as a defendant is very uncooperative, and the first day of trial goes pretty badly. While there's no evidence directly tying her to Juan's murder, the mountain of evidence she tampered with the crime scene makes her very suspicious, and she almost gets given a guilty verdict before Phoenix manages to convince her to tell the truth. Adrian explains that she knew Matt must have done the murder and framed him. However, she refuses to explain why she was so sure it was Matt or why he would kill Juan. Franziska laughs at the notion, as Matt has a rock solid alibi, but nonetheless the trial is extended one more day.
Day two of investigations goes similarly to the game, with of course less stress due to no kidnapped Maya. Phoenix uncovers evidence of a hired hitman, as well as the cameras placed by Matt. Confronting Adrian with the new evidence, she reveals everything. At the trial, the hitman is called to testify (in person this time), and Phoenix proves that he was the one who killed Juan. He confesses, but like in the game, claims Adrian was his client, not Matt. Phoenix disproves that as well, and shows him the cameras placed by Matt, revealing he was intending to blackmail him. Outraged, the hitman turns on Matt and ominously claims that his mafia friends will pay him a visit soon. Scared for his life, Matt confesses and turns himself in to the police.
Oh and maybe there could be some contrivance so that Pearl is the assistant instead of Maya, both so my version of 2-4 makes sense timeline-wise and so Phoenix can use the magatama.
2-4: The Turnabout from Beyond
Same basic premise of Dr. Grey bringing Phoenix to Kurain village so Maya will do a seance. However, instead of saying he wants to make Mimi write a confession, he claims he only wants to talk to her. Additionally, Maya seems noticeably reluctant when interacting with Grey, and it's clear she's only doing this as an excuse to see Phoenix again. He gets murdered, and Morgan chases them out, but when Phoenix and Lotta come back, they find Morgan unconscious and severely wounded, with Maya unconscious next to her. After that there are several notable differences. First, Mimi was the one that brought the gun, not Grey, and she deliberately used it, going against the plan she and Morgan devised. While the two were alone after chasing Phoenix and Lotta out, Morgan begins berating Mimi for not going with the plan. Mimi, not saying a word, hits Morgan hard on the side of the head, giving her brain damage and fleeing the scene. She sticks around the rest of the case like usual, but actually disguises herself as a random tourist college student instead of Ini, and is generally better at concealing her true persona. There's also one or two original residents of Kurain village, including Ruby, a disabled woman and distant cousin of Maya that used to babysit her, and who she has a close relationship with.
The first day of trial goes similarly to the game, however without the evidence of Dr. Grey firing the shot from the ground, Phoenix has a lot harder time casting doubt on Maya being the person in the photo. Towards the end of the trial, the prosecution (could be Miles or Franziska) drops a bombshell: Dr. Grey actually had ties to Kurain, being raised in the village and being the doctor of choice when Kurain natives needed surgery. After an accident, he is the one that operated on Ruby, however a botched operation led to long term complications. Grey, being a huge asshole, never apologized for this or appear remorseful in the slightest. The prosecution argues that Maya developed a grudge against Grey after this incident, and that while she was possessed by Mimi when the shooting happened, Maya was the one that brought the gun, knowing the possibility of such a shooting happening, and giving her a convenient opportunity to take revenge on Grey without technically dirtying her own hands. Phoenix is able to prove by the skin of his teeth that Maya could not have brought the gun with her, buying another day of trial. On the second day of investigations, Phoenix starts suspecting that the college student is Ini in disguise. When confronting her, her true colors briefly slip, insulting Phoenix and smugly stating he doesn't understand anything. Talking with Ruby, Maya, and the Miney parents, we get a big plot twist ; Ini and Mimi are also Kurain natives, and were childhood friends with Maya. Ini was a channelling prodigy from a very young age. One day, while the three were playing in the cemetery, Maya dared Ini to channel a spirit from one of the graves at random. Against Mimi's protests, Ini complied, but the channelled spirit was from a violent and delusional man. He was thankfully exorcised before any of the girls could be hurt, but it left Maya and Mimi traumatized, with Ini swearing off channelling forever. Shortly after, DL-6 happened, and Misty Fey got exiled. The Miney parents, who were in Misty's camp and feared Morgan's newfound influence, left the village as well. Phoenix suspects that this incident is related to "Ini's" motive, but isn't sure how, as both Maya, Ruby, and the parents claim that Ini held no hard feelings towards Maya before and after she left.
In day 2 of the trial, Morgan is unable to testify, still being in the hospital and barely coherent from the blow Mimi gave her. The first half of the trial is spent "proving" the mystery college student is Ini, with testimony from Ruby providing evidence. Mimi "admits" it, but scoffs, saying that she has no grudge against either Maya or Grey, and thus no possible motive. The second half happens much the same, with Phoenix proving that she is actually Mimi. Still denying it, Mimi claims that while this would give her a motive for killing Grey, it still doesn't explain her wanting to frame Maya. Recalling the conversation with her parents, Phoenix presents a theory. Initially, the Miney mom, despite having no spiritual talent, was still second in line for title of Master of Kurain due to her close friendship with Misty and Ini's channelling talents. However, when Ini swore of channelling, that title went to Morgan. Thus Mimi blames Maya for her family's exile from Kurain. Their exile only became more cemented when Morgan gave birth to Pearl, who was also a prodigy from a young age. While Ini took the move well, Mimi hated living in the big city, and had trouble making friends and focusing on her studies. Depressed and unable to find a job after finishing her studies, her parents begged Dr. Grey to hire her, which he did reluctantly. Mimi hated her job, but still put effort into it to not disappoint her parents... and then the malpractice happened, and then the car accident. Mimi, whose resentment of Maya had been simmerring for years, now hated her. Seeing her appear in the news several times as the assistant of a high profile lawyer didn't help matters. When Dr. Grey approached "Ini" with the intent to channel Mimi, she saw the perfect opportunity to get revenge on him, Maya, and Morgan in one fell swoop.
Maya, horrified, calls out Mimi on her toxic attitude, saying that she never stopped missing her and Ini, and that they could have simply talked out their differences, with Mimi having had plenty of opportunities to visit her at the Wright and Co. law offices. At this, Mimi begins breaking down and tearfully confessing everything, both cursing Maya and apologizing to her in equal measure, before turning herself in. Morgan is also arrested. After the trial, Phoenix, Maya, and Mia muse about how none of this would have happened were it not for Kurain's traditions. Mia also drops a cryptic comment that this wasn't the first time something like that happened in Kurain, setting up Trials and Tribulations.
Wew, well that was longer than expected, while writing 2-4 I got really into it and ended up adding a lot of extra details. What do you think? I would love to see you own take on case swaps.

GOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING SUPERSTONKERS! HAHA. It's me again. Yeah, i slipped past the defenses again to drop this off so you can all refresh yourselves on the state of FUD and disinformation in this protracted fight against the legal larcenists doing their best to try and get you to sell. Please spread this amongst the holders, the more people know the less power they have over us holders. We don't sell until we get a call from marge, and that's always been the play.
TLDR: This is a set of tactics used by the Alphabet Boys(CIA, FBI, DEA) to control and manipulate us into drama to collapse our communities and movements. And should be read in full by anyone willing and wanting to learn how these things work.
I've come to notice recently, people keep asking me to repost this for the sake of keeping the new people abreast on what needs to be done to protect the holders of GME. Beneath here will be a detailed account on what you need to be aware of in your online interactions, to avoid being taken for a fool!
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1. COINTELPRO Techniques for dilution, misdirection and control of a internet forum
2. Twenty-Five Rules of Disinformation
3. Eight Traits of the Disinformationalist
4. How to Spot a Spy (Cointelpro Agent)
5. Seventeen Techniques for Truth Suppression

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COINTELPRO Techniques for dilution, misdirection and control of a internet forum..
There are several techniques for the control and manipulation of a internet forum no matter what, or who is on it. We will go over each technique and demonstrate that only a minimal number of operatives can be used to eventually and effectively gain a control of a 'uncontrolled forum.'
Technique #1 - 'FORUM SLIDING'
If a very sensitive posting of a critical nature has been posted on a forum - it can be quickly removed from public view by 'forum sliding.' In this technique a number of unrelated posts are quietly prepositioned on the forum and allowed to 'age.' Each of these misdirectional forum postings can then be called upon at will to trigger a 'forum slide.' The second requirement is that several fake accounts exist, which can be called upon, to ensure that this technique is not exposed to the public. To trigger a 'forum slide' and 'flush' the critical post out of public view it is simply a matter of logging into each account both real and fake and then 'replying' to prepositioned postings with a simple 1 or 2 line comment. This brings the unrelated postings to the top of the forum list, and the critical posting 'slides' down the front page, and quickly out of public view. Although it is difficult or impossible to censor the posting it is now lost in a sea of unrelated and unuseful postings. By this means it becomes effective to keep the readers of the forum reading unrelated and non-issue items.
Technique #2 - 'CONSENSUS CRACKING'
A second highly effective technique (which you can see in operation all the time at www.abovetopsecret.com
) is 'consensus cracking.' To develop a consensus crack, the following technique is used. Under the guise of a fake account a posting is made which looks legitimate and is towards the truth is made - but the critical point is that it has a VERY WEAK PREMISE without substantive proof to back the posting. Once this is done then under alternative fake accounts a very strong position in your favor is slowly introduced over the life of the posting. It is IMPERATIVE that both sides are initially presented, so the uninformed reader cannot determine which side is the truth. As postings and replies are made the stronger 'evidence' or disinformation in your favor is slowly 'seeded in.' Thus the uninformed reader will most like develop the same position as you, and if their position is against you their opposition to your posting will be most likely dropped. However in some cases where the forum members are highly educated and can counter your disinformation with real facts and linked postings, you can then 'abort' the consensus cracking by initiating a 'forum slide.'
Technique #3 - 'TOPIC DILUTION'
Topic dilution is not only effective in forum sliding it is also very useful in keeping the forum readers on unrelated and non-productive issues. This is a critical and useful technique to cause a 'RESOURCE BURN.' By implementing continual and non-related postings that distract and disrupt (trolling ) the forum readers they are more effectively stopped from anything of any real productivity. If the intensity of gradual dilution is intense enough, the readers will effectively stop researching and simply slip into a 'gossip mode.' In this state they can be more easily misdirected away from facts towards uninformed conjecture and opinion. The less informed they are the more effective and easy it becomes to control the entire group in the direction that you would desire the group to go in. It must be stressed that a proper assessment of the psychological capabilities and levels of education is first determined of the group to determine at what level to 'drive in the wedge.' By being too far off topic too quickly it may trigger censorship by a forum moderator.
Technique #4 - 'INFORMATION COLLECTION'
Information collection is also a very effective method to determine the psychological level of the forum members, and to gather intelligence that can be used against them. In this technique in a light and positive environment a 'show you mine so me yours' posting is initiated. From the number of replies and the answers that are provided much statistical information can be gathered. An example is to post your 'favorite weapon' and then encourage other members of the forum to showcase what they have. In this matter it can be determined by reverse proration what percentage of the forum community owns a firearm, and or a illegal weapon. This same method can be used by posing as one of the form members and posting your favorite 'technique of operation.' From the replies various methods that the group utilizes can be studied and effective methods developed to stop them from their activities.
Technique #5 - 'ANGER TROLLING'
Statistically, there is always a percentage of the forum posters who are more inclined to violence. In order to determine who these individuals are, it is a requirement to present a image to the forum to deliberately incite a strong psychological reaction. From this the most violent in the group can be effectively singled out for reverse IP location and possibly local enforcement tracking. To accomplish this only requires posting a link to a video depicting a local police officer massively abusing his power against a very innocent individual. Statistically of the million or so police officers in America there is always one or two being caught abusing there powers and the taping of the activity can be then used for intelligence gathering purposes - without the requirement to 'stage' a fake abuse video. This method is extremely effective, and the more so the more abusive the video can be made to look. Sometimes it is useful to 'lead' the forum by replying to your own posting with your own statement of violent intent, and that you 'do not care what the authorities think!!' inflammation. By doing this and showing no fear it may be more effective in getting the more silent and self-disciplined violent intent members of the forum to slip and post their real intentions. This can be used later in a court of law during prosecution.
Technique #6 - 'GAINING FULL CONTROL'
It is important to also be harvesting and continually maneuvering for a forum moderator position. Once this position is obtained, the forum can then be effectively and quietly controlled by deleting unfavourable postings - and one can eventually steer the forum into complete failure and lack of interest by the general public. This is the 'ultimate victory' as the forum is no longer participated with by the general public and no longer useful in maintaining their freedoms. Depending on the level of control you can obtain, you can deliberately steer a forum into defeat by censoring postings, deleting memberships, flooding, and or accidentally taking the forum offline. By this method the forum can be quickly killed. However it is not always in the interest to kill a forum as it can be converted into a 'honey pot' gathering center to collect and misdirect newcomers and from this point be completely used for your control for your agenda purposes.
CONCLUSION
Remember these techniques are only effective if the forum participants DO NOT KNOW ABOUT THEM. Once they are aware of these techniques the operation can completely fail, and the forum can become uncontrolled. At this point other avenues must be considered such as initiating a false legal precidence to simply have the forum shut down and taken offline. This is not desirable as it then leaves the enforcement agencies unable to track the percentage of those in the population who always resist attempts for control against them. Many other techniques can be utilized and developed by the individual and as you develop further techniques of infiltration and control it is imperative to share then with HQ.
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Twenty-Five Rules of Disinformation
Note: The first rule and last five (or six, depending on situation) rules are generally not directly within the ability of the traditional disinfo artist to apply. These rules are generally used more directly by those at the leadership, key players, or planning level of the criminal conspiracy or conspiracy to cover up.
1. Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. Regardless of what you know, don't discuss it -- especially if you are a public figure, news anchor, etc. If it's not reported, it didn't happen, and you never have to deal with the issues.
2. Become incredulous and indignant. Avoid discussing key issues and instead focus on side issues which can be used show the topic as being critical of some otherwise sacrosanct group or theme. This is also known as the 'How dare you!' gambit.
3. Create rumor mongers. Avoid discussing issues by describing all charges, regardless of venue or evidence, as mere rumors and wild accusations. Other derogatory terms mutually exclusive of truth may work as well. This method which works especially well with a silent press, because the only way the public can learn of the facts are through such 'arguable rumors'. If you can associate the material with the Internet, use this fact to certify it a 'wild rumor' from a 'bunch of kids on the Internet' which can have no basis in fact.
4. Use a straw man. Find or create a seeming element of your opponent's argument which you can easily knock down to make yourself look good and the opponent to look bad. Either make up an issue you may safely imply exists based on your interpretation of the opponent/opponent arguments/situation, or select the weakest aspect of the weakest charges. Amplify their significance and destroy them in a way which appears to debunk all the charges, real and fabricated alike, while actually avoiding discussion of the real issues.
5. Sidetrack opponents with name calling and ridicule. This is also known as the primary 'attack the messenger' ploy, though other methods qualify as variants of that approach. Associate opponents with unpopular titles such as 'kooks', 'right-wing', 'liberal', 'left-wing', 'terrorists', 'conspiracy buffs', 'radicals', 'militia', 'racists', 'religious fanatics', 'sexual deviates', and so forth. This makes others shrink from support out of fear of gaining the same label, and you avoid dealing with issues.
6. Hit and Run. In any public forum, make a brief attack of your opponent or the opponent position and then scamper off before an answer can be fielded, or simply ignore any answer. This works extremely well in Internet and letters-to-the-editor environments where a steady stream of new identities can be called upon without having to explain criticism, reasoning -- simply make an accusation or other attack, never discussing issues, and never answering any subsequent response, for that would dignify the opponent's viewpoint.
7. Question motives. Twist or amplify any fact which could be taken to imply that the opponent operates out of a hidden personal agenda or other bias. This avoids discussing issues and forces the accuser on the defensive.
8. Invoke authority. Claim for yourself or associate yourself with authority and present your argument with enough 'jargon' and 'minutia' to illustrate you are 'one who knows', and simply say it isn't so without discussing issues or demonstrating concretely why or citing sources.
9. Play Dumb. No matter what evidence or logical argument is offered, avoid discussing issues except with denials they have any credibility, make any sense, provide any proof, contain or make a point, have logic, or support a conclusion. Mix well for maximum effect.
10. Associate opponent charges with old news. A derivative of the straw man -- usually, in any large-scale matter of high visibility, someone will make charges early on which can be or were already easily dealt with - a kind of investment for the future should the matter not be so easily contained.) Where it can be foreseen, have your own side raise a straw man issue and have it dealt with early on as part of the initial contingency plans. Subsequent charges, regardless of validity or new ground uncovered, can usually then be associated with the original charge and dismissed as simply being a rehash without need to address current issues -- so much the better where the opponent is or was involved with the original source.
11. Establish and rely upon fall-back positions. Using a minor matter or element of the facts, take the 'high road' and 'confess' with candor that some innocent mistake, in hindsight, was made -- but that opponents have seized on the opportunity to blow it all out of proportion and imply greater criminalities which, 'just isn't so.' Others can reinforce this on your behalf, later, and even publicly 'call for an end to the nonsense' because you have already 'done the right thing.' Done properly, this can garner sympathy and respect for 'coming clean' and 'owning up' to your mistakes without addressing more serious issues.
12. Enigmas have no solution. Drawing upon the overall umbrella of events surrounding the crime and the multitude of players and events, paint the entire affair as too complex to solve. This causes those otherwise following the matter to begin to lose interest more quickly without having to address the actual issues.
13. Alice in Wonderland Logic. Avoid discussion of the issues by reasoning backwards or with an apparent deductive logic which forbears any actual material fact.
14. Demand complete solutions. Avoid the issues by requiring opponents to solve the crime at hand completely, a ploy which works best with issues qualifying for rule 10.
15. Fit the facts to alternate conclusions. This requires creative thinking unless the crime was planned with contingency conclusions in place.
16. Vanish evidence and witnesses. If it does not exist, it is not fact, and you won't have to address the issue.
17. Change the subject. Usually in connection with one of the other ploys listed here, find a way to side-track the discussion with abrasive or controversial comments in hopes of turning attention to a new, more manageable topic. This works especially well with companions who can 'argue' with you over the new topic and polarize the discussion arena in order to avoid discussing more key issues.
18. Emotionalize, Antagonize, and Goad Opponents. If you can't do anything else, chide and taunt your opponents and draw them into emotional responses which will tend to make them look foolish and overly motivated, and generally render their material somewhat less coherent. Not only will you avoid discussing the issues in the first instance, but even if their emotional response addresses the issue, you can further avoid the issues by then focusing on how 'sensitive they are to criticism.'
19. Ignore proof presented, demand impossible proofs. This is perhaps a variant of the 'play dumb' rule. Regardless of what material may be presented by an opponent in public forums, claim the material irrelevant and demand proof that is impossible for the opponent to come by (it may exist, but not be at his disposal, or it may be something which is known to be safely destroyed or withheld, such as a murder weapon.) In order to completely avoid discussing issues, it may be required that you to categorically deny and be critical of media or books as valid sources, deny that witnesses are acceptable, or even deny that statements made by government or other authorities have any meaning or relevance.
20. False evidence. Whenever possible, introduce new facts or clues designed and manufactured to conflict with opponent presentations -- as useful tools to neutralize sensitive issues or impede resolution. This works best when the crime was designed with contingencies for the purpose, and the facts cannot be easily separated from the fabrications.
21. Call a Grand Jury, Special Prosecutor, or other empowered investigative body. Subvert the (process) to your benefit and effectively neutralize all sensitive issues without open discussion. Once convened, the evidence and testimony are required to be secret when properly handled. For instance, if you own the prosecuting attorney, it can insure a Grand Jury hears no useful evidence and that the evidence is sealed and unavailable to subsequent investigators. Once a favorable verdict is achieved, the matter can be considered officially closed. Usually, this technique is applied to find the guilty innocent, but it can also be used to obtain charges when seeking to frame a victim.
22. Manufacture a new truth. Create your own expert(s), group(s), author(s), leader(s) or influence existing ones willing to forge new ground via scientific, investigative, or social research or testimony which concludes favorably. In this way, if you must actually address issues, you can do so authoritatively.
23. Create bigger distractions. If the above does not seem to be working to distract from sensitive issues, or to prevent unwanted media coverage of unstoppable events such as trials, create bigger news stories (or treat them as such) to distract the multitudes.
24. Silence critics. If the above methods do not prevail, consider removing opponents from circulation by some definitive solution so that the need to address issues is removed entirely. This can be by their death, arrest and detention, blackmail or destruction of their character by release of blackmail information, or merely by destroying them financially, emotionally, or severely damaging their health.
25. Vanish. If you are a key holder of secrets or otherwise overly illuminated and you think the heat is getting too hot, to avoid the issues, vacate the kitchen.
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Eight Traits of the Disinformationalist
1) Avoidance. They never actually discuss issues head-on or provide constructive input, generally avoiding citation of references or credentials. Rather, they merely imply this, that, and the other. Virtually everything about their presentation implies their authority and expert knowledge in the matter without any further justification for credibility.
2) Selectivity. They tend to pick and choose opponents carefully, either applying the hit-and-run approach against mere commentators supportive of opponents, or focusing heavier attacks on key opponents who are known to directly address issues. Should a commentator become argumentative with any success, the focus will shift to include the commentator as well.
3) Coincidental. They tend to surface suddenly and somewhat coincidentally with a new controversial topic with no clear prior record of participation in general discussions in the particular public arena involved. They likewise tend to vanish once the topic is no longer of general concern. They were likely directed or elected to be there for a reason, and vanish with the reason.
4) Teamwork. They tend to operate in self-congratulatory and complementary packs or teams. Of course, this can happen naturally in any public forum, but there will likely be an ongoing pattern of frequent exchanges of this sort where professionals are involved. Sometimes one of the players will infiltrate the opponent camp to become a source for straw man or other tactics designed to dilute opponent presentation strength.
5) Anti-conspiratorial. They almost always have disdain for 'conspiracy theorists' and, usually, for those who in any way believe JFK was not killed by LHO. Ask yourself why, if they hold such disdain for conspiracy theorists, do they focus on defending a single topic discussed in a NG focusing on conspiracies? One might think they would either be trying to make fools of everyone on every topic, or simply ignore the group they hold in such disdain. Or, one might more rightly conclude they have an ulterior motive for their actions in going out of their way to focus as they do.
6) Artificial Emotions. An odd kind of 'artificial' emotionalism and an unusually thick skin -- an ability to persevere and persist even in the face of overwhelming criticism and unacceptance. This likely stems from intelligence community training that, no matter how condemning the evidence, deny everything, and never become emotionally involved or reactive. The net result for a disinfo artist is that emotions can seem artificial.
Most people, if responding in anger, for instance, will express their animosity throughout their rebuttal. But disinfo types usually have trouble maintaining the 'image' and are hot and cold with respect to pretended emotions and their usually more calm or unemotional communications style. It's just a job, and they often seem unable to 'act their role in character' as well in a communications medium as they might be able in a real face-to-face conversation/confrontation. You might have outright rage and indignation one moment, ho-hum the next, and more anger later -- an emotional yo-yo.
With respect to being thick-skinned, no amount of criticism will deter them from doing their job, and they will generally continue their old disinfo patterns without any adjustments to criticisms of how obvious it is that they play that game -- where a more rational individual who truly cares what others think might seek to improve their communications style, substance, and so forth, or simply give up.
7) Inconsistent. There is also a tendency to make mistakes which betray their true self/motives. This may stem from not really knowing their topic, or it may be somewhat 'freudian', so to speak, in that perhaps they really root for the side of truth deep within.
I have noted that often, they will simply cite contradictory information which neutralizes itself and the author. For instance, one such player claimed to be a Navy pilot, but blamed his poor communicating skills (spelling, grammar, incoherent style) on having only a grade-school education. I'm not aware of too many Navy pilots who don't have a college degree. Another claimed no knowledge of a particular topic/situation but later claimed first-hand knowledge of it.
8) Time Constant. Recently discovered, with respect to News Groups, is the response time factor. There are three ways this can be seen to work, especially when the government or other empowered player is involved in a cover up operation:
a) ANY NG posting by a targeted proponent for truth can result in an IMMEDIATE response. The government and other empowered players can afford to pay people to sit there and watch for an opportunity to do some damage. SINCE DISINFO IN A NG ONLY WORKS IF THE READER SEES IT - FAST RESPONSE IS CALLED FOR, or the visitor may be swayed towards truth.
b) When dealing in more direct ways with a disinformationalist, such as email, DELAY IS CALLED FOR - there will usually be a minimum of a 48-72 hour delay. This allows a sit-down team discussion on response strategy for best effect, and even enough time to 'get permission' or instruction from a formal chain of command.
c) In the NG example 1) above, it will often ALSO be seen that bigger guns are drawn and fired after the same 48-72 hours delay - the team approach in play. This is especially true when the targeted truth seeker or their comments are considered more important with respect to potential to reveal truth. Thus, a serious truth sayer will be attacked twice for the same sin.
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How to Spot a Spy (Cointelpro Agent)
One way to neutralize a potential activist is to get them to be in a group that does all the wrong things. Why?
1) The message doesn't get out.
2) A lot of time is wasted
3) The activist is frustrated and discouraged
4) Nothing good is accomplished.
FBI and Police Informers and Infiltrators will infest any group and they have phoney activist organizations established.
Their purpose is to prevent any real movement for justice or eco-peace from developing in this country.
Agents come in small, medium or large. They can be of any ethnic background. They can be male or female.
The actual size of the group or movement being infiltrated is irrelevant. It is the potential the movement has for becoming large which brings on the spies and saboteurs.
This booklet lists tactics agents use to slow things down, foul things up, destroy the movement and keep tabs on activists.
It is the agent's job to keep the activist from quitting such a group, thus keeping him/her under control.
In some situations, to get control, the agent will tell the activist:

• "You're dividing the movement."

[Here, I have added the psychological reasons as to WHY this maneuver works to control people]
This invites guilty feelings. Many people can be controlled by guilt. The agents begin relationships with activists behind a well-developed mask of "dedication to the cause." Because of their often declared dedication, (and actions designed to prove this), when they criticize the activist, he or she - being truly dedicated to the movement - becomes convinced that somehow, any issues are THEIR fault. This is because a truly dedicated person tends to believe that everyone has a conscience and that nobody would dissimulate and lie like that "on purpose." It's amazing how far agents can go in manipulating an activist because the activist will constantly make excuses for the agent who regularly declares their dedication to the cause. Even if they do, occasionally, suspect the agent, they will pull the wool over their own eyes by rationalizing: "they did that unconsciously... they didn't really mean it... I can help them by being forgiving and accepting " and so on and so forth.
The agent will tell the activist:

• "You're a leader!"

This is designed to enhance the activist's self-esteem. His or her narcissistic admiration of his/her own activist/altruistic intentions increase as he or she identifies with and consciously admires the altruistic declarations of the agent which are deliberately set up to mirror those of the activist.
This is "malignant pseudo identification." It is the process by which the agent consciously imitates or simulates a certain behavior to foster the activist's identification with him/her, thus increasing the activist's vulnerability to exploitation. The agent will simulate the more subtle self-concepts of the activist.
Activists and those who have altruistic self-concepts are most vulnerable to malignant pseudo identification especially during work with the agent when the interaction includes matter relating to their competency, autonomy, or knowledge.
The goal of the agent is to increase the activist's general empathy for the agent through pseudo-identification with the activist's self-concepts.
The most common example of this is the agent who will compliment the activist for his competency or knowledge or value to the movement. On a more subtle level, the agent will simulate affects and mannerisms of the activist which promotes identification via mirroring and feelings of "twinship". It is not unheard of for activists, enamored by the perceived helpfulness and competence of a good agent, to find themselves considering ethical violations and perhaps, even illegal behavior, in the service of their agent/handler.
The activist's "felt quality of perfection" [self-concept] is enhanced, and a strong empathic bond is developed with the agent through his/her imitation and simulation of the victim's own narcissistic investments. [self-concepts] That is, if the activist knows, deep inside, their own dedication to the cause, they will project that onto the agent who is "mirroring" them.
The activist will be deluded into thinking that the agent shares this feeling of identification and bonding. In an activist/social movement setting, the adversarial roles that activists naturally play vis a vis the establishment/government, fosters ongoing processes of intrapsychic splitting so that "twinship alliances" between activist and agent may render whole sectors or reality testing unavailable to the activist. They literally "lose touch with reality."
Activists who deny their own narcissistic investments [do not have a good idea of their own self-concepts and that they ARE concepts] and consciously perceive themselves (accurately, as it were) to be "helpers" endowed with a special amount of altruism are exceedingly vulnerable to the affective (emotional) simulation of the accomplished agent.
Empathy is fostered in the activist through the expression of quite visible affects. The presentation of tearfulness, sadness, longing, fear, remorse, and guilt, may induce in the helper-oriented activist a strong sense of compassion, while unconsciously enhancing the activist's narcissistic investment in self as the embodiment of goodness.
The agent's expresssion of such simulated affects may be quite compelling to the observer and difficult to distinguish from deep emotion.
It can usually be identified by two events, however:
First, the activist who has analyzed his/her own narcissistic roots and is aware of his/her own potential for being "emotionally hooked," will be able to remain cool and unaffected by such emotional outpourings by the agent.
As a result of this unaffected, cool, attitude, the Second event will occur: The agent will recompensate much too quickly following such an affective expression leaving the activist with the impression that "the play has ended, the curtain has fallen," and the imposture, for the moment, has finished. The agent will then move quickly to another activist/victim.
The fact is, the movement doesn't need leaders, it needs MOVERS. "Follow the leader" is a waste of time.
A good agent will want to meet as often as possible. He or she will talk a lot and say little. One can expect an onslaught of long, unresolved discussions.
Some agents take on a pushy, arrogant, or defensive manner:
1) To disrupt the agenda
2) To side-track the discussion
3) To interrupt repeatedly
4) To feign ignorance
5) To make an unfounded accusation against a person.
Calling someone a racist, for example. This tactic is used to discredit a person in the eyes of all other group members.
Saboteurs
Some saboteurs pretend to be activists. She or he will ....
1) Write encyclopedic flyers (in the present day, websites)
2) Print flyers in English only.
3) Have demonstrations in places where no one cares.
4) Solicit funding from rich people instead of grass roots support
5) Display banners with too many words that are confusing.
6) Confuse issues.
7) Make the wrong demands.
8) Compromise the goal.
9) Have endless discussions that waste everyone's time. The agent may accompany the endless discussions with drinking, pot smoking or other amusement to slow down the activist's work.
Provocateurs
1) Want to establish "leaders" to set them up for a fall in order to stop the movement.
2) Suggest doing foolish, illegal things to get the activists in trouble.
3) Encourage militancy.
4) Want to taunt the authorities.
5) Attempt to make the activist compromise their values.
6) Attempt to instigate violence. Activism ought to always be non-violent.
7) Attempt to provoke revolt among people who are ill-prepared to deal with the reaction of the authorities to such violence.
Informants
1) Want everyone to sign up and sing in and sign everything.
2) Ask a lot of questions (gathering data).
3) Want to know what events the activist is planning to attend.
4) Attempt to make the activist defend him or herself to identify his or her beliefs, goals, and level of commitment.
Recruiting
Legitimate activists do not subject people to hours of persuasive dialog. Their actions, beliefs, and goals speak for themselves.
Groups that DO recruit are missionaries, military, and fake political parties or movements set up by agents.
Surveillance
ALWAYS assume that you are under surveillance.
At this point, if you are NOT under surveillance, you are not a very good activist!
Scare Tactics
They use them.
Such tactics include slander, defamation, threats, getting close to disaffected or minimally committed fellow activists to persuade them (via psychological tactics described above) to turn against the movement and give false testimony against their former compatriots. They will plant illegal substances on the activist and set up an arrest; they will plant false information and set up "exposure," they will send incriminating letters [emails] in the name of the activist; and more; they will do whatever society will allow.
This booklet in no way covers all the ways agents use to sabotage the lives of sincere an dedicated activists.
If an agent is "exposed," he or she will be transferred or replaced.
COINTELPRO is still in operation today under a different code name. It is no longer placed on paper where it can be discovered through the freedom of information act.
The FBI counterintelligence program's stated purpose: To expose, disrupt, misdirect, discredit, and otherwise neutralize individuals who the FBI categorize as opposed to the National Interests. "National Security" means the FBI's security from the people ever finding out the vicious things it does in violation of people's civil liberties.
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Seventeen Techniques for Truth Suppression
Strong, credible allegations of high-level criminal activity can bring down a government. When the government lacks an effective, fact-based defense, other techniques must be employed. The success of these techniques depends heavily upon a cooperative, compliant press and a mere token opposition party.
1. Dummy up. If it's not reported, if it's not news, it didn't happen.
2. Wax indignant. This is also known as the "How dare you?" gambit.
3. Characterize the charges as "rumors" or, better yet, "wild rumors." If, in spite of the news blackout, the public is still able to learn about the suspicious facts, it can only be through "rumors." (If they tend to believe the "rumors" it must be because they are simply "paranoid" or "hysterical.")
4. Knock down straw men. Deal only with the weakest aspects of the weakest charges. Even better, create your own straw men. Make up wild rumors (or plant false stories) and give them lead play when you appear to debunk all the charges, real and fanciful alike.
5. Call the skeptics names like "conspiracy theorist," "nutcase," "ranter," "kook," "crackpot," and, of course, "rumor monger." Be sure, too, to use heavily loaded verbs and adjectives when characterizing their charges and defending the "more reasonable" government and its defenders. You must then carefully avoid fair and open debate with any of the people you have thus maligned. For insurance, set up your own "skeptics" to shoot down.
6. Impugn motives. Attempt to marginalize the critics by suggesting strongly that they are not really interested in the truth but are simply pursuing a partisan political agenda or are out to make money (compared to over-compensated adherents to the government line who, presumably, are not).
7. Invoke authority. Here the controlled press and the sham opposition can be very useful.
8. Dismiss the charges as "old news."
9. Come half-clean. This is also known as "confession and avoidance" or "taking the limited hangout route." This way, you create the impression of candor and honesty while you admit only to relatively harmless, less-than-criminal "mistakes." This stratagem often requires the embrace of a fall-back position quite different from the one originally taken. With effective damage control, the fall-back position need only be peddled by stooge skeptics to carefully limited markets.
10. Characterize the crimes as impossibly complex and the truth as ultimately unknowable.
11. Reason backward, using the deductive method with a vengeance. With thoroughly rigorous deduction, troublesome evidence is irrelevant. E.g. We have a completely free press. If evidence exists that the Vince Foster "suicide" note was forged, they would have reported it. They haven't reported it so there is no such evidence. Another variation on this theme involves the likelihood of a conspiracy leaker and a press who would report the leak.
12. Require the skeptics to solve the crime completely. E.g. If Foster was murdered, who did it and why?
13. Change the subject. This technique includes creating and/or publicizing distractions.
14. Lightly report incriminating facts, and then make nothing of them. This is sometimes referred to as "bump and run" reporting.
15. Baldly and brazenly lie. A favorite way of doing this is to attribute the "facts" furnished the public to a plausible-sounding, but anonymous, source.
16. Expanding further on numbers 4 and 5, have your own stooges "expose" scandals and champion popular causes. Their job is to pre-empt real opponents and to play 99-yard football. A variation is to pay rich people for the job who will pretend to spend their own money.
17. Flood the Internet with agents. This is the answer to the question, "What could possibly motivate a person to spend hour upon hour on Internet news groups defending the government and/or the press and harassing genuine critics?" Don t the authorities have defenders enough in all the newspapers, magazines, radio, and television? One would think refusing to print critical letters and screening out serious callers or dumping them from radio talk shows would be control enough, but, obviously, it is not.

I revisited this album and now I have multiple questions relating to these two songs that I would like clarity on if anyone has answers, I'll list quotes from the songs, followed up with my questions related to the lines:
​

Whitney's hurt, the purest soul I know, I found her in the kitchen
Askin' God, "Where did I lose myself? And can it be forgiven?"
Broke me down, she looked me in my eyes, "Is there an addiction?"
I said "No," but this time I lied, I knew that I can't fix it
Pure soul, even in her pain, know she cared for me
Gave me a number, said she recommended some therapy
I asked my momma why she didn't believe me when I told her "No"
I never knew she was violated in Chicago, I'm sympathetic
Told me that she feared it happened to me, for my protection
Though it never happened, she wouldn't agree Now I'm affected, twenty years later trauma has resurfaced
Amplified as I write this song, I shiver 'cause I'm nervous
I was five, questioning myself, 'lone for many years
Nothing's wrong, just results on how them questions made me feel
I made it home, seven years of tour, chasin' manhood
But Whitney's gone, by time you hear this song, she did all she could -'Mother I Sober'

(All relevant lines for most context)
1). This is the most confusing one to me. To my understanding this is the moment Whitney finds out about Kendrick's infidelity/lust addiction. It reads as though this convo occurred when he was 25 years old ("twenty years later, after I was five") so this would be at or around 2012-2013, which fits in with him saying Whitney asked him about this soon after the GKMC tour. Which he mentioned earlier on 'Worldwide Steppers'
"good kid, m.A.A.d city tour, I flourished on them stages, Whitney asked did I have a problem I said, 'I might be racist'"
So this kind of makes it sound like this was a conversation they had over a decade ago? The "I made it home, seven years of tour, Whitney's gone" line makes this more confusing because I would assume the GKMC or Yeezus tour or even the Drake one were the first ones he was a part of back in 2012/2013, unless he is just talking about 7 years prior to the original interpretation where he would just be doing random shows back when he was K.Dot. Unless he's saying this is when the conversation happened, they remained together until sometime recently they split, but this would be unsubstantiated. So personally I think it is clear when Whitney found out about his infidelity sometime 10+ years ago, however it's very unclear when or if Whitney is even really gone and if they don't live together, see each other, or parent their kids together. The meta perspective of her appearing on the album multiple times and being a part of the artwork, and posting a ton of her own self growth stuff on IG as well an Kendrick never really saying anything contrary besides this one line leads me to believe they're still very much together?
​

So I set free my cousin, chaotic for my mother's pain
I hope Hykeem made you proud 'cause you ain't die in vain -'Mother I Sober'

2). Obviously this is referring to Kendrick's cousin who is the parent of Baby Keem (who I always thought was Kendrick's first cousin, and not his first cousin once removed), but who is this cousin? Is this the cousin that was accused of touching Kendrick? I assume this isn't the same cousin from Auntie Diaries due to the similar age? Also do we know how or when they died? I feel like I'm missing something obvious. For some reason a Genius annotation says this is a female "his female cousin who’s the mother of Baby Keem" I'm not sure where this is concluded from.
​

"Mother cried, put they hands on her, it was family ties" -'Mother I Sober'

3). This is saying that someone in the family hit his mother, not that someone in the family was the one that molested his mother?
​

"Mother's brother said he got revenge for my mother’s face, Black and blue, the image of my queen that I can't erase" -'Mother I Sober'

4). Kendrick's Uncle beats up another family member to avenge what happened in the previous line above?
​

"I asked my momma why she didn't believe me when I told her "No"
I never knew she was violated in Chicago, I'm sympathetic" -'Mother I Sober'

5). I assume we have no further context to what happened here, whether or not this incident happened by someone in the family or not, just that it happened previously when she lived in Chicago before moving to Compton?
​

My Auntie is a man now -Auntie Diaries
Where is your uncle at? 'Cause I wanna talk to the man of the house -Family Matters

6). Final question regarding 'Auntie Diaries'. There was a little bit of discourse over Drake's line in 'Family Matters' regarding Kendrick's Aunt/Uncle. From my understanding, yes Kendrick's Auntie is a transman, but just because that's the case doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to be referred to as an Uncle. Is it reasonable to believe that because of the title of the song, the repetition of "My Auntie is a man now", and no other indication in the song, that Kendrick's Auntie retained the Aunt title regardless of transitioning to a man? (Technically making Drake's line incorrect/hurtful?) (Note: also in an interview around 2013 Kendrick referred to him as his Auntie then for what that's worth)