Posted on his Facebook page that he is moving to a Communications job at SSU. Thanks for everything Dustin!
On Sept. 11, 2001, a series of terrorist attacks set me on a path to do three things: to correct misinformation as a life goal, to enter a field that in some way improves people’s understanding of their world, and to earn bipartisan respect in how I do it.
I’ve written an untold number of stories across 23 years and been taken to places new and old, familiar and fresh. I've interviewed rock legends, presidential candidates (well... one), and along the way met unforgettable sources ranging from a baby battling neuroblastoma to an elderly Lawrence woman growing a potato in her apartment and naming it like a son.
Of course, this path has had its drawbacks. I was told early on that “being a reporter doesn’t pay well,” and that I was entering a “dead industry” fresh from its collapse in 2008. But, after my first time talking to a doggie daycare that made the Today Show and becoming friends with a cat, I realized the career also paid in memories... amply... and there’s really no place I’ve worked that has created more memories for me than Salem. It’s the beat I’ve worked the longest as a reporter; the most recent Halloween marked my 10th in the city.
It also marked my last.
On Oct. 24, seven days before Halloween, I turned 40. I did so without having yet saved any money for retirement, and while working at least 70 hours per week at two to three jobs for the last several years. The combined paychecks still put me a good bit below median household income for the area — something that comes to mind every time I see a comment online that talks about how people should try living where they can afford to.
There's also a dark side to journalism that has emerged in the last half-decade, one that I’d argue doesn’t get enough attention. It’s one of the few industries that is entirely private while also being fully public-facing — journalists are effectively public officials, without the protections and benefits of being public officials. We take a lot of shots from readers, some of whom would delight in us being out of the job and financially destroyed, and we just chuckle and move on with our day.
For the dark side, there’s also the light. In some parts of the real world, journalists are thanked for their service as if we’re active military. I’ve been compared to nurses working the pandemic, held up as a leader stabilizing a maligned society, and invited to share my perspective and experiences with high school classrooms, podcasts, even Boy Scout troops.
Being a reporter pays well in the memories you collect along the way (thankfully they aren't subject to a tax). To that end, I’ve at times felt wealthy for having the privilege of covering a city like Salem — even with its dark underbelly actively arguing that I shouldn’t have a job or be allowed to exist.
With this double-edged sword equipped for so long, I knew I’d put it down at some point. When thinking about the kind of job it would take to leave the news industry, I found there was really only one that kept coming up in my mind: an opening in Communications at my Alma Mater, UNH. That would honestly be a dream... a position like that opening at a college campus I knew so well. To my fortune, that exact position opened in my backyard toward the end of 2023, on a college campus I know just as well as UNH — if not better.
In early June, I’ll be switching careers as I assume the role of Associate Director of External Communications at Salem State University.
I loved my college experience and always joked that if I won the lottery, I'd go back to school and get a degree in physics, do something nutty with string theory. But really, there’s something about the college environment where I’m most comfortable: everybody is there to learn and grow, and, from each graduate, society receives an opportunity for transformation. The feeling you get walking through a space like that can't really be replicated anywhere else... At least that's the fuzzy feeling I get when walking onto a college campus.
It’s hard to imagine leaving the only world I’ve known professionally and no longer covering the city I love, but I’m not going that far. I’m still working in the same beautiful city and would love for you to say “hey” when you see me out doing whatever. You may also see my byline from time to time, and I think I'd even like to continue doing “the spreadsheet” each night polls are open.
But, for now, this bro is going off the record to go back to school.

Hi?
Do you need help with your technical assignments and exams? I can ace the following courses for you at a reasonable price.
Courses I can Ace for you...
NON-TECHNICAL AREAS
· English and Literature (Poem or book analysis; time period or context analysis; character analysis; literary analysis etc...)
· Business and Marketing Papers (Case studies; Ethics and Sustainability; Policy papers; environmental analysis; theoretical and practical frameworks; VRIO analysis, 5 Forces Analysis; Concept papers etc...)
· History and other Humanities
· Psychology (DSM-5 Diagnostic Criteria; Personality Theories; Emotion and Cognition; Statistical Concepts; Mental Examination etc...)
· Ethics and Philosophy (Relativism; Categorical imperative; Consequentialism; Virtue Ethics: Stoicism; Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, David Hume etc... )
· Communication Studies
· Nursing Assignments (Case Studies; Vignettes; Primary Care; Evidence Based Recommendations; Geriatrics; Psychiatry Nursing etc...)
TECHNICAL AREAS
· STATISTICS
Descriptive Statistics; Frequency Distribution, Central Tendency, Variability or Dispersion…
Inferential Statistics; Regression Analysis, Hypothesis Tests, Confidence Intervals etc…
Other Tools; SPSS, ANOVA, Minitab, MATLAB, R etc…
· CALCULUS
Differential calculus (concerning rates of change and slopes of curves), Integral calculus (concerning accumulation of quantities and the areas under curves) ETC…
· TRIGONOMETRY
Trigonometry Angles, Unit Circle, List of Trigonometry Formulas, Trigonometry Basics, Euler’s Formula for trigonometry, trigonometry functions etc…
· CHEMISTRY
Analytical chemistry, Biochemistry, Environmental chemistry, General Chemistry, Organic Chemistry & Inorganic Chemistry, Physical chemistry, Polymer and materials chemistry, Spectroscopy and crystallography, Thermodynamics, Bio Labs, Chemistry Labs ETC…
· BIOLOGY
Ecosystem and interdependence, Cellular structure and function, Anatomy, Body system, Botany, Genetics, Molecular biology, Population Biology, Evolution, Genomics
· BUSINESS, ECOOMICS, FINANCE, INVESTEMENT AND ACCOUNTING
Analysis of Financial Statement Presentation, Banking, Financial Institutions, and Society, Business and Economic Forecasting, Financial Management of the Firm, Financial Modeling, Fundamentals of Business Statistics, Mergers and Acquisitions, Organizational Behavior, Principles of Macroeconomics, Principles of Microeconomics, Statistical Methods in Business AND Venture Capital and Private Equity etc…
· COMPUTER SCIENCE AND IT RELATED
Data analysis, Statistic, Database systems, Django, Machine learning in R and Python Coding, R SQL, SPSS, Stata SAS Jamovi MS Office, Programming, Excel ,ppt and Word Tableau, Jupyter Notebooks, Spark networking, Data structures and Algorithms etc...
Contact me through,
+1 228 367 5048 (Call, Text and What's App)
Moraine#1489 (Discord)
Thank you in advance for your consideration.

Today's anniversaries are:
2007

• Devin Townsend - Ziltoid the Omniscient ()

2012

• Cartoon Theory - Cartoon 1.1 Theory (metal experimental progressive, metal, rock, djent, electronic, plini, progressive, progressive metal, Limoges)
  
• Tesseract - Perspective (Pop, Rock, Hard Rock, Metal)
  

2014

• Anyone's Guess - Chapter One: March in the Dark (Pop, Indie Pop/Folk, Rock)

2015

• The Big Jazz Duo - Enemy (Alternative, Indie Rock, Metal)

2016

• Cacafogo - Four Compositions (alternative, copenhagen, metal, rock, prog rock, progressive, Denmark)
  
• Dankalia - A Timeless View (alternative, electronic, ambient rock, experimental rock, instrumental rock, math rock, post-rock, Schio)
  

2017

• Arphael - Ancient (ambient, atmospheric, death metal, djent, math metal, metal, progressive metal, Kyiv)
  
• Avalanche - Fallen Lives (black metal, deathcore, metal, progressive death, France)
  
• Brock Scott - Richardson Creek (electronic, britpop, electro pop, jangle pop, new york, united kingdom, Atlanta)
  
• Q'uq'umatz & Wolves in Sheepskin - Nembubhiso emzini (black metal, experimental metal, metal, avant-garde, avant-garde metal, dark ambient, death doom metal, doom metal, drone, drone metal, folk, funeral doom metal, progressive black metal, progressive metal, psychedelic metal, psychedelic rock, Reno)
  
• Schwarzeneggerization - Pine Weasel Riot and Chainsaw Bear (soundtrack, americana, angelo badalamenti, dark jazz, david lynch, difficult easy listening, noir jazz, twin peaks, Moscow)
  

2018

• Alco Frisbass - Le Bateleur (avant-prog, canterbury, contemporary, experimental, progressive rock, rio, Milano)
  
• Coexistence - Contact with the Entity (death metal, metal, technical metal, progressive, progressive death, progressive death metal, progressivedeathmetal, technical death metal, technical deathmetal, Siena)
  
• Runt Woody - Fuglekongen (Jazz)
  
• The Beast of Nod - Vampira: Disciple of Chaos (death metal, intergalactic death metal, metal, progressive death metal, progressive metal, Boston)
  
• Time Bomb - Unforgivable (deathcore, metal, crust, grindcore, harry potter, mathcore, Fresno)
  

2019

• Amogh Symphony - Ⅳ, Part 2 (avant-garde, ethno, experimental, jazz fusion, progressive rock, experimental electronic, Mumbai) Read our review.
  
• Jelly Cleaver - The Dream Jazz Manifesto (alternative r&b, experimental, jazz, alternative rock, electrosoul, lo-fi, lo-fi soul, nu-jazz, London)
  

2020

• Angel of Disease - Obscure Conjuring (progressive death metal)

2021

• Aaron Novik - Grounded (avant-garde jazz)
  
• Acausal Intrusion - Nulitas (avant-garde black metal)
  
• Aèdes - Camin sobiran (folk)
  
• An Autumn for Crippled Children - As the Morning Dawns We Close Our Eyes (experimental black metal)
  
• Archipelago X - Archipelago X (contemporary classical)
  
• Aureole - Alunarian Bellmaw (atmospheric black metal)
  
• Blessings - Biskopskniven (post-metal)
  
• Borgne - Temps morts (avant-garde black metal)
  
• Christopher Cerrone - The Arching Path (contemporary classical)
  
• Crazy Doberman - The Royal Tuning Kit (free jazz)
  
• Dalila Kayròs - Silver Circle (experimental pop)
  
• Dead Lights - The Uncanny Valley (progressive post-hardcore)
  
• Decoherence - System Ⅰ (atmospheric black metal)
  
• Eremo - L'ego in un pagliaio (mathcore)
  
• Erlend Apneseth & Margit Myhr - Slåttesong (folk)
  
• Esoctrilihum - Dy'th Requiem for the Serpent Telepath (avant-garde black metal)
  
• Gnosis - Prō terra (technical death metal)
  
• James Francies - Purest Form (post-bop)
  
• Jarun - Rok spokojnego słońca (black metal)
  
• Lansdowne Symphony Orchestra & Reuben Blundell - American Discoveries (contemporary classical)
  
• L'Effondras - Anabasis (progressive post-rock) Read our review.
  
• Mdou Moctar - Afrique Victime (world fusion, blues rock) Read our review.
  
• Nadja - Luminous Rot (drone, noise)
  
• Noe - Noe (jazz fusion, progressive metal)
  
• Nortonk - Nortonk (modern jazz)
  
• Olivia Rodrigo - Sour (pop)
  
• Otis Sandsjö - Tremendoce, Parts 2 & 3 & Skerry (experimental jazz)
  
• Our Next Movement - This Room / This Battlefield (post-rock)
  
• Patricia Kopatchinskaja - Francisco Coll: Orchestral Works (classical)
  
• Patricia Taxxon - Yes, And (synthwave)
  
• Qope - Reverie (classical)
  
• Rakta & Deaf Kids - Live at Sesc Pompeia (noise rock)
  
• Resurrection Sickness - 1: Barrel Caskets (metalcore)
  
• Smash Hit Combo - Reboot (nu-metalcore)
  
• Thanatomass - Black Vitriol & Iron Fire (black metal)
  
• The Potash Corporation of Saskatchewan - The Potash Corporation of Saskatchewan (free improvisation, noise)
  
• This Is Our Language Quartet - Let the Free Be Men (free improvisation)
  
• Torino Unlimited Noise - New Door (nu jazz)
  
• Trade Wind - The Day We Got What We Deserved (alternative rock)
  
• Vola - Witness (progressive metal)
  
• Waterparks - Greatest Hits (pop, post-punk)
  
• Yautja - The Lurch (deathgrind) Read our review.
  
• Yoo Doo Right - Don't Think You Can Escape Your Purpose (post-rock)
  
• Yūgen - Haunt (progressive metal)
  
• カオナシ (Kaonashi) - Dear Lemon House, You Ruined Me: Senior Year (post-hardcore)
  

2022

• Black Pantone - Comme un gant (nu classical)
  
• Existe - Trouver la liberté en se tournant vers la lumière (post-rock)
  
• Hyrgal - Hyrgal (black metal)
  
• Vide - Souvenirs de l'abbaye des loups (atmospheric black metal)
  

2023

• Knightcap - Underminer (post-metal)

I'm currently a sophomore in HS, and I'm looking to pick classes for my junior yr. Currently, I'm decided on:

• Ap environmental science
  
• AP comp sci
  
• AP Music theory
  

-Precalc

• English II Honors
  
• Spanish III
  

I want to drop one of my APs, but I need to know, would it be better to drop AP comp sci or APES? I'm likely looking to go into stem/med/etc. for college, and a potential career in nursing? If I were to drop APES, I think I would replace it with forensics or physics.
Part of me is also wondering if I should just tough it out and take all three, because I know that It'll be easier to quicken the process of college graduation. What do you think?

Hi?
Do you need help with your technical assignments and exams? I can ace the following courses for you at a reasonable price.
Courses I can Ace for you...
NON-TECHNICAL AREAS
· English and Literature (Poem or book analysis; time period or context analysis; character analysis; literary analysis etc...)
· Business and Marketing Papers (Case studies; Ethics and Sustainability; Policy papers; environmental analysis; theoretical and practical frameworks; VRIO analysis, 5 Forces Analysis; Concept papers etc...)
· History and other Humanities
· Psychology (DSM-5 Diagnostic Criteria; Personality Theories; Emotion and Cognition; Statistical Concepts; Mental Examination etc...)
· Ethics and Philosophy (Relativism; Categorical imperative; Consequentialism; Virtue Ethics: Stoicism; Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, David Hume etc... )
· Communication Studies
· Nursing Assignments (Case Studies; Vignettes; Primary Care; Evidence Based Recommendations; Geriatrics; Psychiatry Nursing etc...)
TECHNICAL AREAS
· STATISTICS
Descriptive Statistics; Frequency Distribution, Central Tendency, Variability or Dispersion…
Inferential Statistics; Regression Analysis, Hypothesis Tests, Confidence Intervals etc…
Other Tools; SPSS, ANOVA, Minitab, MATLAB, R etc…
· CALCULUS
Differential calculus (concerning rates of change and slopes of curves), Integral calculus (concerning accumulation of quantities and the areas under curves) ETC…
· TRIGONOMETRY
Trigonometry Angles, Unit Circle, List of Trigonometry Formulas, Trigonometry Basics, Euler’s Formula for trigonometry, trigonometry functions etc…
· CHEMISTRY
Analytical chemistry, Biochemistry, Environmental chemistry, General Chemistry, Organic Chemistry & Inorganic Chemistry, Physical chemistry, Polymer and materials chemistry, Spectroscopy and crystallography, Thermodynamics, Bio Labs, Chemistry Labs ETC…
· BIOLOGY
Ecosystem and interdependence, Cellular structure and function, Anatomy, Body system, Botany, Genetics, Molecular biology, Population Biology, Evolution, Genomics
· BUSINESS, ECOOMICS, FINANCE, INVESTEMENT AND ACCOUNTING
Analysis of Financial Statement Presentation, Banking, Financial Institutions, and Society, Business and Economic Forecasting, Financial Management of the Firm, Financial Modeling, Fundamentals of Business Statistics, Mergers and Acquisitions, Organizational Behavior, Principles of Macroeconomics, Principles of Microeconomics, Statistical Methods in Business AND Venture Capital and Private Equity etc…
· COMPUTER SCIENCE AND IT RELATED
Data analysis, Statistic, Database systems, Django, Machine learning in R and Python Coding, R SQL, SPSS, Stata SAS Jamovi MS Office, Programming, Excel ,ppt and Word Tableau, Jupyter Notebooks, Spark networking, Data structures and Algorithms etc...
Contact me through,
+1 228 367 5048 (Call, Text and What's App)
Moraine#1489 (Discord)
Thank you in advance for your consideration.

Hi?
Do you need help with your technical assignments and exams? I can ace the following courses for you at a reasonable price.
Courses I can Ace for you...
NON-TECHNICAL AREAS
· English and Literature (Poem or book analysis; time period or context analysis; character analysis; literary analysis etc...)
· Business and Marketing Papers (Case studies; Ethics and Sustainability; Policy papers; environmental analysis; theoretical and practical frameworks; VRIO analysis, 5 Forces Analysis; Concept papers etc...)
· History and other Humanities
· Psychology (DSM-5 Diagnostic Criteria; Personality Theories; Emotion and Cognition; Statistical Concepts; Mental Examination etc...)
· Ethics and Philosophy (Relativism; Categorical imperative; Consequentialism; Virtue Ethics: Stoicism; Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, David Hume etc... )
· Communication Studies
· Nursing Assignments (Case Studies; Vignettes; Primary Care; Evidence Based Recommendations; Geriatrics; Psychiatry Nursing etc...)
TECHNICAL AREAS
· STATISTICS
Descriptive Statistics; Frequency Distribution, Central Tendency, Variability or Dispersion…
Inferential Statistics; Regression Analysis, Hypothesis Tests, Confidence Intervals etc…
Other Tools; SPSS, ANOVA, Minitab, MATLAB, R etc…
· CALCULUS
Differential calculus (concerning rates of change and slopes of curves), Integral calculus (concerning accumulation of quantities and the areas under curves) ETC…
· TRIGONOMETRY
Trigonometry Angles, Unit Circle, List of Trigonometry Formulas, Trigonometry Basics, Euler’s Formula for trigonometry, trigonometry functions etc…
· CHEMISTRY
Analytical chemistry, Biochemistry, Environmental chemistry, General Chemistry, Organic Chemistry & Inorganic Chemistry, Physical chemistry, Polymer and materials chemistry, Spectroscopy and crystallography, Thermodynamics, Bio Labs, Chemistry Labs ETC…
· BIOLOGY
Ecosystem and interdependence, Cellular structure and function, Anatomy, Body system, Botany, Genetics, Molecular biology, Population Biology, Evolution, Genomics
· BUSINESS, ECOOMICS, FINANCE, INVESTEMENT AND ACCOUNTING
Analysis of Financial Statement Presentation, Banking, Financial Institutions, and Society, Business and Economic Forecasting, Financial Management of the Firm, Financial Modeling, Fundamentals of Business Statistics, Mergers and Acquisitions, Organizational Behavior, Principles of Macroeconomics, Principles of Microeconomics, Statistical Methods in Business AND Venture Capital and Private Equity etc…
· COMPUTER SCIENCE AND IT RELATED
Data analysis, Statistic, Database systems, Django, Machine learning in R and Python Coding, R SQL, SPSS, Stata SAS Jamovi MS Office, Programming, Excel ,ppt and Word Tableau, Jupyter Notebooks, Spark networking, Data structures and Algorithms etc...
Contact me through,
+1 228 367 5048 (Call, Text and What's App)
Thank you in advance for your consideration.

I somehow slipped three ribs, or at least, that's the working theory. This wouldn't be so bad, except the vertebrae in that area have developed horns/teeth/spikes/spines/growths that are now thought to be 'biting' the nerve. I live in an area with minimal medical resources and therefore they really want only your primary doctor to prescribe any pain meds. Okay, kinda stupid since it takes three weeks to get into see your doctor and acute pain is.... acute? But I'm still working with them.
Last week they gave me a low dose of steroids and some muscle relaxers, which, okay, helpful, but do nothing for nerve pain. I'm all for less inflammation, but like... no, this isn't the right med for this problem. I'm not experiencing inflammation! Or swelling!
Ended up at the ER, which prescribed some narcotics (correct for acute nerve pain) and sent me back to my doctor, who said "well you have psoriatic arthritis, so it must be inflammation and swelling." Except.... it's not. this isn't related to PsA, and all the treatments in the world for PsA ain't going to fix slipped ribs! So now I have even more muscle relaxers and two whole days of narcotics to take, but even then, that's being held over me like "we all know you have problems but we'll be nice this time."
(The last time I had narcotics was over seven *&^%ing years ago. I do not have a narcotic problem.)
I've had issues with pain management being withheld for years in favor of finding a better PsA treatment plan as a whole, or doled out in such tiny doses that it's more stressful to have it than not, but now it's getting ridiculous. Not all my pain is PsA, and not all of it should be treated as such. I'm capable of having problems that aren't PsA or even related to it. I'm also noticing a heavy flow of BAD information about pain management. The Nurse Practitioner in my PCP's office even told me that narcotics don't work on nerve pain. I mean, that's just patently false.
Looking for thoughts, rants, ideas on how to manage this, sympathy. Whatever you go on the topic.

A lot of people have been requesting these themes recently and it's something I really like to read. So thought I would make a collection here of some of the femdom and femdom-adjacent books I've read, and ask for your recommendations as well.
First, what is femdom? In my understanding, it's a sexual dynamic in which the female is more dominant, contrary to the more commonly represented “male Dom” in romance books.
Femdom is more likely to have a focus on female pleasure and the other character(s) “servicing” her and doing what she says. Common related kinks are the submissive character on their knees, begging, praise kink e.g. “good boy”, anal play/pegging, orgasm control.
BDSM books may also include the FMC dominating with impact play, bondage, edging, pain, orgasm denial, humiliation etc. I personally prefer “gentle femdom” which is less focussed on this stuff and more about caretaking, praise and gentle control. Of course there are lots of books which fall somewhere in between or have both.
Book suggestions Disclaimer: these are all books I've read but my memory isn't always accurate, sorry if I've made any errors in the descriptions! Also, I'm not in the real life BDSM community so I don't know whether they're realistic representations, they're just books I found fun.
Fairly BDSM-heavy femdom
{Mercy by Sara Cate} - MF, older female, younger male, he is her best friend's son, FMC works for a sex club in an administrative role and they're both new to kink.
{Madame by Sara Cate} - FFM, older female, younger male and younger female, single Mum. Two of the characters are in an existing relationship and when the FMC found out her boyfriend is into kink, she asks the other FMC to teach her. The other FMC happens to also be his ex. They're all a bit switchy and the sex scenes are great.
{Impact by Nikki Markham} FF, one FMC is an experienced Domme
{Servicing the Target by Cherise Sinclair} MF, she is an experienced Domme, the MMC is not her usual type and considers himself to be “vanilla” but is interested in trying, so she helps him discover the scene.
{Something Borrowed by Eve Dangerfield} MF - second chance, enemies to lovers, forced proximity as they have to spend time together as a friend's destination wedding. The FMC knows she is a Domme and has struggled with being judged for this and finds it difficult to find romantic partners. The MMC is up for it!
{Unbound by Cara McKenna} MF - forced proximity, stoic MMC and sunshine FMC. The MMC lives in a cabin in the woods and thinks he is unnatural for his desires to be tied up and dominated. TW for alcoholism.
{Preferential Treatment by Heather Guerre} MF - MMC is a Russian billionaire who asks the FMC (his employee) to dominate him for money, he just wants to spoil her and it ends up much sweeter than it sounds!
More gentle femdom
{Open Hearts by Eve Dangerfield} MF, he is a complete golden retriever who just wants her to be happy, she is a somewhat grumpy nurse who wants to have a baby. Good boy / himbo energy
{Truly Madly Deeply by Alexandria Bellefleur} MF, another golden retriever who begs to eat her out and wants to be good for her and look after her.
{Landslide by Kathryn Nolan} MF, Burly bearded sub guy, FMC is a make-up artist. they meet when she is on location for a job. They have a great time but he's unwilling to leave and she's unwilling to stay.
{Claimed by the Flame of Faery by Mallory Dunlin} MF fantasy. The MMC is a half dragon, the FMC is sent to live with him to save her Father’s life. It's a bit of a Beauty and the Beast retelling. He has really bad self esteem around his body, is totally touch-starved and craves physical affection.
{Wild Pitch by Cat Giraldo} MF sports, they're both baseball players on the same team. Age gap - he is older than her and a veteran player, she's the newbie. The writing wasn't the best in this but the sex scenes were excellent.
{Maneater by Emily Antoinette} MF male witch and female succubus.
{Berries and Greed by Lily Mayne} MF paranormal. The MMC is a “demiurgus” monster and the FMC is human. She has vaginismus and he has a barbed penis, so MF penetration is not possible. This is very sweet femdom, in a slice of life story about people who love wearing slippers and watching a lot of TV.
{His Secret Illuminations by Scarlett Gale} and {His Sacred Incantations by Scarlett Gale} MF fantasy, a female warrior and a small and meek male monk embark on a quest together. He falls for her immediately and has some angst about keeping his vows of celibacy, so it's a fairly slow burn with most of the sex scenes coming in the second book. There's a lot of gentle loving praise interspersed with harder stuff and it's great.
Shades of femdom - woman who is not submissive in the bedroom, takes charge at times, but isn't really "a domme" either
{Superbia by Colette Rhodes} MF paranormal. MMC is a smoke monster and FMC is a monster hunter. She takes charge a lot, and bosses him around in the bedroom and out of it.
{Shots and Barbs by Lily Mayne} MF paranormal - another demiurgus one. Both of them take charge at times, there is pegging and anal play but I wouldn't say it's strictly femdom.
{Strictly Professional by Kathryn Nolan} MF contemporary - she is a tattoo artist running a failing business, he's a buttoned up hotelier. They have a one night stand and later on he becomes her business studies mentor. The sex scenes are very push-and-pull with both of them in charge at times.
Omegaverse
{Rut Bar by Alexis B Osborne} MMMF - one of the male alphas is a sub and the FMC (omega) Dom's him, but she's submissive to the other two alphas
{Bad Alpha by Kathryn Moon} MMMF, female alpha and male omega, she's definitely the dominant one. There are two (three?) other male alphas
Related - MMCs with praise kink
{Not all Himbos Wear Capes} MM
{Brutal Vows JT Geissinger} MF
{Candy Hearts by Erin Mclellan} MM
{Demon Lover by Heather Guerre} MF
{Pucking Around by Emily Rath} MMFM
Please do let me know if you have any more books which fit into these categories. I would especially like to find some more FF books as I've seen very few. I have a few femdom books on my TBR, but I can always have more!
Edit: thank you for the awards, kind redditors! I don't seem to be able to find out who it was, but I appreciate it!
Edit 2: Wow there are so many great suggestions, I wasn't expecting this many upvotes, comments and awards. I think we've disproved the theory in a recent thread that "femdom isn't popular because nobody wants to read it" - authors and publishers please give us more!

Baby is two weeks old today. I was induced at exactly 37 weeks because of hypertension and suspected IUGR. She was born 5 pounds 6 ounces, no time in NICU. She basically clusterfeeds all day every day. There has been a handful of days I’ve been able to get her in her bassinet for a couple hours for a break. My husband will feed her what I’m able to pump/formula and let me sleep 6-8 hours straight a night because I just can’t do it all day.
When it’s husband’s turn for sleep she literally will not let me put her down. She will only sleep on me. She wants food every 45 minutes to 1.5 hours. I know she’s getting enough milk because it literally pools in my nipple shield. (I have inverted nipples and she has a hard time latching without them). She also gets regular weigh ins and was over her birth weight again a few days ago.
My husband is going back to work in two weeks and I don’t know how I’m going to survive. Even after 8 hours sleep last night I was nodding off all morning and getting so frustrated I couldn’t put her down. I’ve been trying to use a soother but on my luckiest day that will get me 10 minutes in the bassinet. Cosleeping isn’t even really an option because even putting her down next to me leads to immediate fussing.
On top of all that my one boob has basically shut off the milk valve. I can pump maaaaybe 5-10ml out of it if I’m lucky and even hand expression afterwards gets me only a few drops. I try to pump every 3 hours but it’s so hard to juggle her and the pump. Without fail I try to pump and she starts screaming for boob. I try to put her on slacker boob but she barely lasts 5 minutes without crying out of I’m assuming frustration. Sometimes it looks milky but a lot of times it doesn’t.
In theory I know this all gets betteeasier eventually but I’m having a really hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel here. I love her to death but I am so dead tired and overwhelmed/constantly touched out.
Husband really picks up the slack when he’s up but there’s only so much he can do. I’d like to EBF/at least do breast milk without needing the formula top up but I feel like I just can’t keep up. She literally drank 100ml of milk in one sitting last night I don’t know where she puts it. Literally any advice at this point is appreciated.
We do have a public health nurse who comes to our house at least once a week. Babies latch is fine and she’s offered me so many resources and videos it just seems like nothing is helping.

Speaking about UK universities as that's where I'm from so things might/might not translate.

1. 'yOu CaNt HaVe a HiGh PaYiNg SaLaRy WiThOuT a DeGreE' is the most punchable phrase I've heard all of my life. As a second generation immigrant, it's universal for most, if not all immigrant parents to believe that degree = success and wealth. Not just immigrant parents, all kinds of parents tell their children the same thing and I'm sick of it. I have no degree and I only completed a vocational film course in sixth-form/college. I am currently working in freelance Film and TV, earning 1k weekly and the pay is guaranteed to get higher after each job I finish.
   
2. Most degrees don't lead to a career that correlates to the same degree i.e. psychology, marketing, art. Unless you are studying a medicine/nursing/STEM degree, a lot of people tend to go into careers that have no relation to their degree. And not as a fault of their own but as a fault of the economy.
   
3. DEBT. I'm tired of hearing people say 'it's good debt, you don't realise you're paying it off'. Debt is debt. In the UK, we pay 9k a year for tuition which is ridiculous, given most lectures have switched to online and are pre-recorded from years prior. You're telling me paying for a Level 4 course wouldn't be cheaper, less time-consuming and more efficient?
   
4. The market is too saturated. University used to be treated as an elite form of higher education, showcasing your ability (and wealth lol) to further your education and prove it with a well-thought out dissertation. Now, anyone willing to sign up for student finance can be accepted to university (I'm happy with this as everyone deserves a chance to further their education). The issue with this is, you have 120 applicants with the same degree, who graduated in the same year, what makes YOU stand out? Before an interview, you are just a CV with no inkling of your personality. And that's when the issue of 'Was it Oxbridge/Russell Group/Ivy League' appears as they start seeking graduates from 'better' schools, allowing elitism to take place in the hiring process once again.
   

If you are younger than 18, please apply for university but ALSO apply for apprenticeships/short and long term courses and at least one trade if that's your type of thing. Don't limit yourself to only university as an option, you can make your decision in the summer.
If you plan to further study the creative subjects. Don't. Just don't. The creative industry (my expertise is in Film/TV) tend to lean away from hiring students/graduates as degrees focus on Theory over Practical and the graduate will likely not have a clue what life on set looks like. THERE IS POWER IN NETWORKING. Reaching out to the right person on LinkedIn could open up way more job opportunities than a 3-4 year university course.
FYI, I'm not hating/tearing down uni goers whatsoever nor do I think I am better than them. It's not easy and I was never capable of doing it. I just don't believe all the hard work graduates go through ends with a worthy result.
EDIT - For a sub meant for unpopular opinions, you guys really hate unpopular opinions😂 I never once said there aren’t jobs that require a degree or that degrees are entirely useless in this post, so please don’t project any of your higher education choices unto me - good for you! I’m merely pointing out that degrees don’t automatically equate to success and there are other routes to the same success. Thank you :)

last november i (f33) was diagnosed over the phone by a nurse (from bloodwork) after pleading the dr for more testing/movement in treatment. i have not gone back to that dr. they were incredibly dismissive and never let me finish a sentence.
today after months of waiting i’m seeing a new rheumo. i’m taking with me some previous labwork, my journal, and a bundle of nerves.
i am dealing with autonomic issues, digestive issues, fatigue, stiffness, mouth dryness, and the list goes on right.
im súper jaded, and just tired of drs appts. not to mention the parade of gaslighting, and just plain bad bedside manner. what do i even ask for or say at this point? could use some advice 🖤 ty
update: this dr was incredibly patient, reviewed my labs, requested more. talked about theories from examining me and from what i’ve described. she was thorough in note taking, asking questions. really glad it went well. what a relief.

one major thing different between me and my LO is that he is social and I am simply not. His whole thing is that he needs others attention, he bases his self worth on numbers and engagement and is completely desperate. I grew out of that mentality when I became an adult. Although I myself am desperate, but I am desperate in a completely different way. Its why lately Ive been thinking about him again.
Its like why cant I go out and socialize with people? Why do I seemingly not want to? Clubs are lame, all those people and loud music sounds disgusting. I dont use social media, its also lame. Hookup apps are tempting, but I cant "host" (recently found out what that word meant) so Im insecure about that and really what good does that bring anyways? Im an extremely sexually frustrated person BUT I am not a sexually motivated one. Im really awkward.
Im lonely though. I guess I dont want friends because I dont want the drama of having a friend. Im such a nonserious person and I dont understand people who take things too seriously while taking other things not serious enough. Like my LO for example, he is such a crybaby over such trivial things. Limerence doesnt bother me, its the existential part that does. Everything I end up getting sad over is merely a distraction from the greater anxiety that troubles my life, and thats my whole existence. My whole being. I cant even begin to describe it, its too much. Its like I see reality in three different ways. Theres me, theres the manifestation of my desires (I guess my shadow self?), and theres the unreality aspect where Im reminded of how absurd life itself is, not as in "oh wow life sucks". No life doesnt suck because that would imply life is life and theres nothing beyond this life when there is something beyond this life, but thats why life feels so absurd. Especially when you really question the social aspects surrounding you. Its really something that literally most people dont question, its like how can you not question things? Then again, most people are "normal". They can fit anywhere if they want to. They have no need to question things, they have the luxury of distraction. I cant even watch a TV show without being reminded that they are all actors and then wondering all these itty bitty tiny details about what it was like shooting the episode, what they felt in the moment, etc. And then being reminded that there are others watching the show and wondering what they are thinking, etc. Again, watching it in threes. Theres me, theres the BTS, and theres the third party. Thats just how my life is. Im reminded of it every day, I get no escape. I may post angry/venty posts about my LO one day, but really Im justr kicking up dust. I wish my LO truly bothered me. ANd in a way he does, he bothers me because he doesnt bother me and since he doesnt bother me I have nothing to distract myself.
Dude I am constantly on the brink of homelessness, my living situation is unstable. And yet despite that, it doesnt feel like a big deal. Im not tormented by it. Im not hugely tormented by my trauma either. Im LUCKY if I do. But its everything that torments me in this life, Im eventually made aware of the bigger picture to the point that everything feels trivial. It sounds like a blessing but it further makes me feel isolated because I cant even be traumatized the same way others are. Its like no matter what life throws at me, I know for a fact Im gonna make it through. If I died right now, Id die at peace because I know theres something waiting for me. I dont whats waiting for me, but I know something is. It sounds peaceful, it sounds like it would be nice, but its not. It is confusing. I cant even escape. Every time I go off to do something like daydream or overeat or smoke, I am pulled out of that escape. Im made self aware against my will of the fact Im escaping, then Im like "screw this" and try escaping anyways, only for the feeling I was looking for to not happen. Its like the dopamine I was supposed to get from it gets sucked away and I feel nothing.
It would be one thing if I fit into whatever nonsense. It would be one thing if my goals in life were to have kids, or to find love, or fame, or fortune. But its none. You know what my goals are? Housing. Housing and the ability to drive and a plumbing job because plumbing is a good logical trade. Its literally nothing that cant not happen unless I physically die. Beyond that, I have no purpose. My reasoning for not ending things right now is that I cant. Everytime I tried to end my life, there was always someone that magically tried to stop me. And when there wasnt someone there, I magically got better. I remember this one time I overdosed, I only got sick for HALF A DAY and then I felt better. Im talking something that wouldnt even sound possible. The main time I overdosed was with aspirin, and I was at deaths door. My mom refused to take me to the hospital. All my senses were gone, including my sense of touch. I remember having fever dreams where I was stuck in a waiting room type building along with others, they talked about how they got there as if they too knew that they were dying, and the one nurse was annoyed at me as if I wasnt supposed to be there, saying it wasnt my time yet. It was miserable. Everytime I was in and out of consciousness, it didnt feel like I was in and out. It felt like reality shifted. There was no transition between waking up and falling asleep, thats what made it feel so horrible.
aw man dude.... Its like what am I supposed to do? I know the whole "love and compassion" thing but its hard when you dont have a purpose. You have a will to live, you feel that guidance, you have that understanding, and yet you still do not have a purpose. Ive been taking it slow like "okay lets see what happens" but its so fucking BORING, man. I really got nothing going on. I go to work, I work a repetitive job, then I go home. I go home and do repetitive things. My hobbies dont bring me any sort of fulfillment. It makes me happy, sure, but man...
All of this is annoying to some extent. Like whats the fucking point of this? As blasphemous as it sounds, all of this makes me angry at God. I feel trapped here. I cant fit in, I cant conform, and yet I dont have crazy ambitions or aspirations either. It feels like no one could understand me. Doesnt help that the world we live in is so clinical. It adopted this "science can explain away literally everything" attitude even though science cant explain everything, and youre a fool imo if you believe that. You are naive if you think science is innocent too. You really think this whole "pursuit of science" in regards to psychology, NASA, and stuff like biology isnt fueled by a corporate attitude excited over the prospect of further control? Everyone has this "trust the experts, you cant question anything they do" attitude. As if we arent all humans. And as if the scientific theory is something only certain people can practice, those "certain people" happening to be people who have money. Even though on its baselevel, the scientific theory is something every human can practice. What do you think they did back before colleges? Its like people just blindly listen to authority. Even in terms of spirituality, people genuinely think that God wrote the Bible and have faith in pastors, priests, and churches. Not that the Bible is bad, but it shouldve never been taken literal. No human being could ever have more authority than the average person over God's message either. No human being should ever be put on a pedestal above the rest. And why churches? If you have to have a special place to believe in God, then how can you say you truly believe? Especially when those places beg for your money. And are tax exempt. I bet if God told them to kill someone, these people would blindly follow through- never questioning the nature of God himself and why a Being of that nature would never demand for murder.
Back to the clinical, people would look at what Im saying and just assume Im crazy. Their "solution" for "broken" people is to have them talk to a therapist, aka another human being, a human being thats supposed to not act like a human being and instead a God-like being who is incapable of human error and bias. And if you speak up about how flawed that is, or just overall the corrupt nature of psychiatry in general, you get told youre being unreasonable. Nevermind how despite mental health "awareness" being an all time high, suicide rates are also at an all time high as well. Dont get me started on how people act like "oh yeah dude, its totally normal for you to see 5-10 different therapists before you find the fight one". No dude, it sint normal. And maybe that mentality is why suicide is at an all time high, ever thought of that? Isnt it funny how once I stopped caring about psychiatry, thats when I learned how to actually get better? If you laid my whole life out on display, its crazy how functional I am now compared to then. Im more functional than my own fucking LO, make it make sense. Do you have any idea what I gone through in life? I have never gotten help, and when I tried getting help I was at my lowest. Funny how that works. I take no medication yet I am the most functional Ive ever been in my entire life compared to back when I did take medication. And for every aliments one has, theres always a label. People and their labels, man. Even when it comes to stuff like "LO" and limerence, I use these terms as a better descriptor on how I feel. But I dont identify with these terms. People always have labels for everything nowadays. And people have it so warped that they think these labels are "setting them free" when its really just putting themselves in a box. Thats just the human nature though, we try to make sense what we dont understand. Its unavoidable, yet I still find it silly. Has people become more hedonistic or have we all became more aware of our hedonistic nature? Whos to say we werent always like this, just in a different way, a way thats been forgotten then replaced as time progressed? Corruption has always been a thing. We've always been selfish and lowly, just as humanity always been good spirited.
I dont know man, theres more I can say and I know this post is already a hot, probably incoherent mess bouncing from one subject to the next. But I needed to get it off my chest one way or another, in some form. Its early in the morning and I got work soon. Maybe one day Ill find a way to write everything in detail and organize it in a cohesive way. That takes being interested in doing so, though. And whether I write anything out doesnt matter, people arent gonna care anyways. Its not gonna change anything. Not that Id want it to change. Wanting that is like wanting to have superpowers. Like duh, everyone wants that.

[Part 1]
Day 3
I woke the next morning from the sunshine in my eyes. My head was resting ever so slightly on Eli's arm as we had both fallen asleep on my bed after I begged him to stay. I blanched in horror at the drool stain I had left on the arm of his white t-shirt.
I began to slowly move myself and retreat downstairs as the memories of the night before came flooding back. How I had broken, screaming in terror, and how Eli had saved me, not knowing the true reason he found me curled up on the floor crying.
As I stepped off the bed, my leg got snagged in the frilly bed cover, and I went crashing to the ground, making quite the noise as I landed. With a yawn, Eli's eyes opened, and I felt myself blushing as he turned to look at me.
We both kind of stared at each other for a moment, not speaking. Eli opened his mouth, then closed it again as if unsure of what to say.
"Coffee?" I asked quickly, filling the awkwardness of our situation.
"Please," Eli said, smiling.
In minutes, I had a pot brewing as I leaned against the kitchen counter. Eli was picking up the scattered photographs from the floor and looking at them quizzically.
"Why do you have pictures of the Harmons?" Eli asked, showing me the photos of the yellow-haired man and his family.
"Is that their names? I found them out in the barn under a blanket," I answered as I rooted around the cupboards for two mugs.
"In the barn? I cleaned it out just last week. No way I would have missed this trunk," Eli said while examining the wooden trunk with its simple rustic hinges. It was plain and unadorned with any embellishments. Basic as basic could be.
"Well, you must have missed it because it was there," I said, putting emphasis on the "was" in a way that reminded me of my mother chastising my father.
"That's so weird," he said, shifting through the photos while sitting at the table. I brought him a cup of coffee and sugar, and he began absentmindedly adding a lot of sugar to his coffee. About six scoops later, he began stirring and sipping it.
"Well, anyways, thanks for coming last night. I wasn't myself, I hope you know that I'm not some damsel in distress," I said quickly, like word vomit, and I even chuckled at the end, feeling like a total weirdo.
"What happened anyway? You didn't say last night," he said, putting the photos down in a jumble on the table.
I paused for a moment, considering how to answer. As I sipped my coffee, I stared out into the yard beside the barn where the scarecrow stood, glancing around the edge of the barn, hanging limply in his hole. His appearance once again sad and dejected instead of murderous and terrifying.
"I was just scared, I had a nightmare, and it just scared me," I said dumbly, trying not to turn crimson again under his intense gaze.
His eyes seemed to cut right through my lie, as if he were staring directly into my being before he simply glanced away out the window. We fell silent again, and I filled some moments by sipping my drink. It seemed to revitalize me; the sun and the company made me feel secure.
"Why were you here anyways?" I asked after a moment.
"I heard screaming, so I came running. I live just on the other side of the grass there, behind the barn," Eli said, pointing to the barn out the window.
"Must be really close, I didn't see any houses on the way in," I said, prying deeper into the situation.
"It's actually a trailer, maybe like two hundred yards from here. I was outside getting some air when I heard you scream. So, I came running," Eli said, finishing his cup of coffee and placing it in between us like a barrier, as if he was hiding something.
"Could you, uh, not do that?" Eli asked, with an uncertain grin on his face.
"What am I doing exactly?" I asked, startled for a moment, my stomach doing a sort of flip.
"It's just that you like stare at people. You've been staring at me for like my whole cup of coffee, I don't think you blinked the whole time," Eli said, averting his eyes shyly.
"No, I don't," I said until I realized he was right. I never noticed that about myself.
"Right, well, I've got to go. I am probably going to start painting today, so you might see me in a bit," Eli said, rising and heading to the door.
"Wait," I said, grabbing his arm for only a moment before releasing it like it was scalding hot.
Eli glanced at my hand for a moment, then at his arm, before he, too, blushed crimson.
"I just wanted to say thank you again. For last night, I mean. Well, what I mean is I appreciate it," I said, my eyes downcast in, for some reason, shame. Like he had seen me at my weakest and it weighed on my gaze appropriately.
"It was nothing, besides I didn't get much sleep with your constant snoring," Eli said, laughing at me.
"I so don't snore," I said, swatting at him but unable to control a smile creeping up onto my face.
After Eli left, I felt instantly colder, my eyes kept returning to the scarecrow. I grabbed my camera from upstairs and went out to the yard. I scanned the dirt for anything out of the ordinary. There was no blood, or anything on the dirt where the scarecrow stood just last night. I slowly made my way to the scarecrow, but nothing happened. I snapped a photo of the inanimate object, and it didn't even flinch. I poked it, but all I felt was straw underneath its clothes. I removed its mask, expecting a severed head, but it was just straw. Nothing was here but straw. I dropped the mask on the ground and took another photo proving it was just straw and nothing else.
An idea struck me as I regarded the source of my torment. If I planned to stay even one more night here, I needed to do something about this scarecrow. I rooted around in the barn, a series of tools hung from nails in the wall. On one hung what I was searching for. An old rusted shovel with a dirty wooden handle that was worn smooth from use.
I returned to the side of the barn beside the scarecrow, knowing for whatever reason this thing only came when night fell and didn't react at all when I moved or touched it during the day.
Before my morning coffee had even settled, I began to dig at the dusty earth, loose and easy to dig, it came away in shovelfuls. Within an hour, I had a fair-sized hole in front of me. Sweat dripped from my brow, and when I wiped under my eyes, they came away black from last night's makeup. Glancing at the field of grass and knowing Eli could appear at any time, I decided to head inside and shower. The hot water was a godsend, and I lingered for longer, letting the water drain down my head and back, my eyes closed, trying to forget the images from the last two nights. I should just pack up my car and leave right this minute. But how could I explain this to my family? I decided to go through with my plan and bury the scarecrow. I could last one more night if I prepared for it.
I left the shower and dressed modestly, in another one of my old rock t-shirts and a pair of shorts. I returned to the yard and with a satisfying push, I dropped the scarecrow into the pit. It fell with a nice thud, and I smiled at my power over it in the day; it's just at night when I should fear it.
As I threw the first shovel of dirt back on top, I heard a noise in the grass, and it parted, revealing Eli wearing the same pair of jeans and work boots, but he had changed his shirt to a plain black one. In each hand, he held cans of paint and a brush.
"Should I even ask why you are burying that old scarecrow?" He asked as he came to stand beside me.
"Probably best if you didn't," I admitted, leaning on the shovel.
"Well, I'm going to anyway. Polly, why are you burying that old scarecrow?" He asked, a rare smile coming to his face.
"Because it's been haunting me at night," I said bluntly.
"Mhm, yeah, okay. Fine, don't tell me. I've been meaning to get rid of it anyway, but normal people take things to the landfill," Eli said with a smirk as he turned to the house and began setting up for his painting.
I finished burying the scarecrow and stomped the dirt down flat. I finished my job by moving my car and parking it directly over top of the spot where I buried it.
Eli watched me curiously but didn't remark. I returned the shovel to the barn and went out into the yard. I decided to go for a hike around the property. I needed some time alone to think and unwind.
As I made my way through the grass, it began to confuse me. This had obviously been a large farmland, but how had the wild plants grown in such a thick, endless maze of greenery?
It gave me an eerie feeling, like I was being watched as the grass covered three-quarters of my body, like there would be something lurking out in the grass, crouched low, waiting for me.
After a half-hour or so, I came upon a clear lake, only big enough to be considered an old swimming hole, I thought as I dipped my hand into the cool water.
I took off my outer clothes and decided to go for a swim. I lowered myself in slowly and reveled at the cool water. The pond wasn't deep, but the water was clean. A small rope swing had been hung from a large oak tree that bordered the pond. It also provided a nice layer of shade that made it the ideal spot to spend the day. I floated on my back in the water for what seemed like hours. The day seemed to slip away from me. A small beach of sand sat at one side of the pond, so I lay out in the sun and closed my eyes. The warm day warmed my soul, and soon I felt myself drifting off into sleep.
I awoke to the sound of crickets and darkness. I couldn't believe it. I had slept through the day; the long nights had finally caught up to me, and now I was stuck far away from the farmhouse. I didn't know if my plan with the scarecrow had worked, and this wasn't the place to test my theory.
A full moon lay overhead, casting a silvery glow on the world before me. A sea of grass swayed gently in the wind, sending shivers down it in shuddering waves. I looked around, but I was thankfully alone, just the crickets chirping along melodically as my only companions.
I had to make it back to the house, so I started on my way, my hands trailing along the tall grass. The pale light played easily on the deep green grass. Step by step, I made my way back towards the farmhouse and the barn, throwing caution to the wind, and I started to jog along, anything to get back faster. I would have to find Eli; maybe if we were together, he could stop it like before.
If I thought the field was creepy during the day, by night, it was a whole new world. Every sound made my heart stop for a beat before restarting in protest. When all of a sudden, the crickets stopped chirping. I dropped to my knees, letting the long grass cover me from sight. Through the strands, I could make out a shape moving slowly through the tall grass, the swish of the plants as it made its passage through them. My heart dropped. Was this Eli looking for me, or was it the scarecrow come for me?
That's when I heard a voice, a voice cutting through the silence. It started off quiet and raspy as it sang an eerie children's song.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
I was frozen to the spot. It hadn't found me, but it knew I was in the grass somewhere. Now, with each word, chewed up and spat out like it was unhappy with it, now it was accompanied by the whistle of something in the air and a slicing sound as it cut through the grass around me.
It finished another round of its song, but now it stood within feet of me, its blade whistling as it cut. I took a moment to ready myself, and as it raised its blade to cut through the grass I hid in, I dashed out of my hiding spot and slammed into it. But nothing resisted me; I fell through it like it was a ghost.
In a tangle of limbs, I landed hard on the ground and tried quickly rolling to my feet. The blade of its weapon pierced the earth beside me. Now I could see it was a two-handed scythe the scarecrow carried, but something was off, its hands were human. Pale milky skin like a newborn baby. I had little time to examine the creature except for the canvas bag over its head. Two large black eyes came out of the slits that leaked a dark red blood like tears.
It screeched loudly and swung its scythe, but it was slow, and I took off through the grass in the direction of what I hoped was the farmhouse.
I completely gave up all pretense of hiding and sprinted as fast as I could without looking back. The grass seemed to part for me as I ran in terror. I was just glad that in high school, I had taken track as it was paying off now.
I could hear the noise of footsteps behind me, but I never turned. I ran and ran until my lungs felt like they were going to burst Something silver flashed to my left, and I tripped over something hard and unexpected. The wind was driven from my lungs as my chin slammed hard into the earth. I scrambled back, trying to escape, but the scarecrow was on me, its blade flashing angrily in the pale moonlight.
I wanted to move, I wanted to fight, but my body was weak and unable to catch its breath, and I lay there helpless as it swung its scythe towards me. I closed my eyes in fear, but I only heard the thud of dirt before I opened my eyes. The scythe was discarded, and the scarecrow stood staring at me.
It seemed to be struggling with something, one hand reached out towards me only to be snapped back to its side. A roar of rage pierced the canvas sack over its head as it struggled against its invisible bonds. For a moment, I thought I saw something behind it, three sets of hands holding it back. One feminine in nature, and the other two must have belonged to children. In a flash, I saw a beautiful woman who looked vaguely familiar with her long brown hair and plain dress.
"Run," she moaned as the scarecrow swung around wildly.
I didn't hesitate and fled, my breath had returned, and while my body still ached from my fall, I powered on, knowing this was the only respite I would receive tonight.
In the distance, I could see a small sheet metal shape; Eli's trailer was slowly coming closer as I ran, and I beelined it for the trailer. I could hear the footsteps behind me again as the scarecrow resumed its chase after me.
I reached the old trailer and banged on the door as loud as I could; I rattled the handle, but it was locked.
"Eli, it's me. It's Polly, please let me in. Please," I begged as I banged over and over again on the door of his trailer.
Nothing responded to me, and the trailer was dark. The single window in the back held no life inside the trailer. From the trailer, I couldn't tell which direction the farmhouse was in the dark, so I fled into the tall grass and crouched low, watching the clearing around the trailer.
While I caught my breath, I watched the scarecrow enter the clearing, its scythe back in its hand as it circled the trailer. When its raspy voice began singing again low and quiet, only loud enough for me to hear.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The song made me shiver uncontrollably at the lyrics and the voice; it sounded demented like a crazy person letting their demons out into a nursery rhyme.
I lay perfectly still; for some reason, it couldn't find me. This creature I assumed was all-knowing seemed to have some very human weaknesses. It moved and talked like a human, even had certain body parts that were from a human; it even felt human the way it chased and reacted.
The scarecrow moved on through the tall grass, and I let out a sigh of relief as it lost my trail. How terrifying that beast was. In my pocket was the keys to my car. Eli had told me that the farmhouse was fairly close to his trailer. I had to navigate to the car, then drive as fast as I can away from this place. The fact that I hadn't left already because I was worried about money was insane. Who cares, I could drive to Barb's and demand my money back. Go home and just tell my parents the truth. The whole reason for actually leaving home this summer, why I was actually here in this field shivering uncontrollably in fear. But I couldn't think about that now, not now, there will be time to deal with that later. Now I needed to focus on staying alive, getting to the car, and getting out of here.
I went in the direction the scarecrow had; he knew the land better than I did, and every noise I made in the silence of the night made my heart drop. It took all my courage there and then to take one step forward, then another. I felt like I was going to be sick; my stomach was in knots to where it felt like even if I was sick, the only thing to come out would be only bile and stomach acid.
With each careful step, I made my way closer to the farmhouse and the scarecrow. Through the darkness, I could see my goal, the farmhouse, and the barn. Within minutes, I had made it securely to the farmhouse yard.
My car still sat in the same spot overtop of the hole where I buried the scarecrow. In the moonlight, I could see that the dirt had not been disturbed.
The scarecrow was nowhere to be seen, and I cautiously made my way to my car, my keys in my hand as I approached the driver's door. I hadn't locked the car, and it opened on the first try. I turned on my car as quietly as I could, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
Something landed heavily on top of the roof of my car, making it dent inwards slightly. With horror, I saw the scarecrow swing its scythe into the back window of my car. With a crash, the glass shattered inwards; I put my car into gear and roared away down the lane. In my rearview mirror, I couldn't see anything, so I swerved back and forth, trying to shake the creature from the roof of my car when the scythe crashed in through the front window, making a hole just large enough for it.
The glass spidered, and I couldn't see out the window very well. I swerved down the road, but the scythe remained in the car, allowing the creature purchase. In a panic, I spun my wheel wildly, trying to dislodge it, but I lost control, and soon felt something crash into the front of my car. The airbag went off in my face, and I hadn't been wearing my seatbelt. I slammed hard into something else, and my vision went dark. I was in a daze; I must have passed out because I don't remember a lot of what happened next. I felt the car door open with a crunching tear, and it landed loudly as it was torn off. My body being grabbed and tossed on the ground. I felt no pain, just a gentle numbness. I felt blood on my head as I raised my arm to touch my face.
Then just blackness, complete, and empty just feelings, fear, unease, sadness. My eyes opened, and the scarecrow was overtop of me. Pain on my chest and my vision went dark again. Coughing as something poured down my throat. I couldn't breathe, why couldn't I breathe?
My eyes opened one last time, and I saw the scarecrow pouring a dark liquid from its mouth directly into my mouth and eyes. My vision was red and bloody before I closed them one last time.
The words of its song echoed into the emptiness of my thoughts.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek?
The world it claims that I be not clean.
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see,
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The darkness enveloped me, and I felt myself slipping away, the sounds of the night fading into oblivion.
Day 4
When I awoke, it was morning, and I found myself lying in a hospital bed. My head throbbed with pain, and my body ached all over. The memories of the terrifying night flooded back to me, and I shuddered involuntarily.
A nurse entered the room, her kind eyes filled with concern. "You're awake," she said softly, her voice gentle like a soothing balm. "You're lucky to be alive. You were found unconscious by the side of the road next to your car. Do you remember what happened?"
I tried to speak, but my throat felt raw and dry. I croaked out a few words, barely audible. "The scarecrow... it attacked me..."
The nurse frowned, her brows furrowing in confusion. "Scarecrow? What scarecrow?"
My heart raced with panic as I realized the truth. Had it all been a nightmare? But the pain in my body felt too real, the memories too vivid to be mere hallucinations.
I tried to explain, to tell her about the terrifying creature that had pursued me through the night, but she only looked at me with concern, as if I were delusional.
"I'll get the doctor, and there is a young man who brought you in. He has been here all morning," the nurse said with a sly wink.
After a few minutes, she came back with Eli and a doctor, both of whom smiled gently at me through the window. The doctor came in first and went over my health with me. I had a concussion and bruises all over my body. A generous-sized cut from some glass on my scalp had been stitched and bandaged. My mind flashed back to the night before. How the scarecrow had filled me with its gooey red blood.
"Did you find anything else?" I asked cautiously, trying to avoid another scandal like with the nurse.
"No, as long as you have someone to pick you up and take you home, you are free to go. That nice young man out there said he would take you back home," the doctor said, pointing to Eli as he rose with a slight grunt.
I glanced at Eli, and he waved uncertainly at me. The doctor went out and began talking to Eli for a few minutes.
While I waited, my mind began to have strange thoughts. Something was wrong; I felt weird. My vision turned red, and I began to see images before my eyes.
The Harmons. They flashed before my eyes in real-time—the husband hugging his wife, then swinging his kids around, chopping wood outback next to the barn while his wife cooked in the kitchen.
As Eli entered the room, the visions stopped suddenly. Like my saving angel for the third time now, I was extremely grateful to Eli.
"Heyyyyy," Eli said, elongating the word in a sort of familiar yet awkward way.
"Hi," I said, closing my eyes and letting my embarrassment pass in only a few seconds.
"Why is it that fifty percent of the times we meet, you're in serious trouble?" Eli asked, coming to sit on the edge of my bed.
"Oh, you know me, bad luck, I guess," I said simply, becoming aware that under my blankets, I was in a backless hospital gown, and he was inches away from me.
I pulled the blanket up to my chin as a sort of cover for my appearance, but Eli didn't seem to notice. He continued talking to me. It was actually really sweet the way he seemed to care for me.
"Anyways, the doctor said I could take you back to the farmhouse to rest," Eli said.
"No," I said suddenly, becoming serious.
"What? Why not?" Eli asked.
"I just, I just can't right now. I'll tell you later. Just, we can't spend the night anywhere near the farm," I said, grabbing him by the arm, hoping to sway him.
"Well, I mean, if you want, we can grab your stuff, and my house can literally go anywhere," Eli said in an offhand manner, as if he had expected this.
"Promise?" I asked, trying not to seem too afraid.
Within the hour, we had returned to the farmhouse. The hole I dug was still covered over, and I stared at it as we parked in Eli's black pickup truck.
I ran inside and quickly got changed into my only clean clothes, grabbing everything I had from the farmhouse. I paused at the dinner table, looking down at the photographs of the Harmons and thinking back to that weird moment in the hospital with that odd vision.
The day was getting longer, and I hurried back to Eli, waiting in the pickup truck. I threw my bag in the back and climbed in beside him. He smiled and backtracked down the lane. We turned to the left and went down a side road where we came upon my poor old car. It had crashed directly into a tree, and the whole front part of the car had been destroyed. Fluid leaked all over the road, and I almost shed a tear for my departed friend. We had traveled far together. I grabbed a few things from the car, but something was off about the car. The front door had been knocked off and was discarded on the far side of the road. It looked impossible; the door hadn't even hit the tree.
Eli hooked his truck up to his trailer, and we sped off, leaving the property behind us. We headed into town and found a pullout on the side of the road with a set of bathrooms to camp at for the night. Eli's trailer was messy but cozy. He had laundry strewn over most surfaces, but it didn't smell bad.
The room consisted of a small kitchen with a bed in one corner. There were also a lot of posters and artwork on the walls. I examined one of a pretty girl with long raven-black hair. It was a realist painting, obviously taken from real life.
"Who is this?" I asked as Eli made us some food.
"That is just a friend," Eli said, glancing at the painting he had done.
"Well, she is a pretty friend," I said, enjoying watching the back of his ears turn bright red.
"Dinner's ready," he said, pouring the mixture of food he had made onto a pair of plates.
Eli served me and handed me a can of Coke to drink. I thanked him and sat on his bed. It was the only serviceable piece of furniture in the whole trailer. We both sat in silence for a moment while we ate. I could tell something was bothering Eli as he kept making glances toward me.
"What? What is it, Eli? Just say it," I said between bites.
"Tell me what happened, Polly. Tell me why you were burying the scarecrow, why you were passed out in the road with straw in your hair. Tell me why you were muttering about the Harmons and a scarecrow when I found you," Eli said suddenly, as if he were unloading a machine gun.
I looked Eli square in the face and relented. I told him about the last couple of nights at the farmhouse, about how the scarecrow had been tormenting me every night. About how he had saved me and how last night I had fled through the fields to his trailer and then to my car. I told him about the vision I had about the Harmons in the hospital. By the end of it, I was in tears. I felt so foolish and childish.
Eli took it in stride. He asked a few questions during my retelling, but by the end of it, he was silent. Tears fell down my face and landed in my lap. We had both put our plates on the counter, and Eli hugged me. He put his arms around me, and I nuzzled into his shoulder, feeling comforted again in him at the lowest points of my life.
With a gentle hand, he wiped away my tears, and I smiled, letting a nervous laugh escape my lips. I looked up into his face and felt his stare before I saw it. His pale blue eyes shone with comfort, and then his lips were on mine as he kissed me quickly before pulling away slightly.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. That was insensitive of me. You're sad, and I took advantage of that," Eli said, moving back slightly.
"Shut up," I said, and grabbed his shirt, bringing him back in.

I’m slowing getting through Covid season and gosh! It’s a hard watch. My theory: the biggest miscommunication or arguing is Kody is the only one allowed to go from house to house. Everyone was expected to not work, not see the other grown kids and parents or even have major surgery, even see each other. This was the unacceptable law. The kids did not want to only see Kody! That’s the big ego shot and reality Kody faced. Everyone else was more important then him. He has Robyn in his ear they should respect your authority period and the rest of the family is like we have never had to be like this before. They knew this wasn’t Kody and his thinking to be so scared of a virus was abnormal for him. I do believe Robyn was fearful and believe if they got it they would die. But what got my attention was two things.
One: right before Covid they showed and discussed aurora and her panic attacks. Showing her “having one” and having to be carried to her room. This was brought up for a reason and I believe was going to be or will be the excuse they gave the family why Kody couldn’t be away from Robin house for more than three days. If u listen to aurora talking about it, she describes what causes them, high stress situations, being upset, being around people that are fighting arguing stuff like that and then also says that she has them three or four times a week. Now my question is what the hell is going on in that house to cause her such high anxiety that she has three or four panic attacks a week, I believe this is the reason Kody cannot be away for more than three days, “medical issues” with Aurora and Kody needing to be there to carry her and help her deal. The needs of the whole family was more important then Isabel alone.
Second thing was a huge one for me. When Hunter came home for the summer all the adults and hunter meet at the land to talk about what to do about getting together and catch up with him. Now mind you he is going for his masters degree in nursing at John Hopkins hospital so he has 100% top-notch medical knowledge and access to medical knowledge and he stated he was not that concerned about Covid to the extent Kody was. He also stated that he knew he was good because he tested and was negative. Now this was before Janelle‘s mom passed away and then all of a sudden they heard about the rapid testing so I don’t know if this was something only he had access to and nobody else did, but why wasn’t that a question? well, if you got tested and is negative what do we need to do to get tested as well, that wasn’t brought up until after Janelle‘s mom passed away and then all of a sudden they can get these rapid Covid test done for Kody to be able to go home to Robin for Christmas. This was even before Isabelle surgery. How did Hunter get tested and knew he was negative, but nobody else had access to any testing??
Sorry for the long post this is the only place I can talk this out with other ppl 🤣🤣🤣🤷🏼‍♀️

Hey Guys,
So you may be aware that western scholarship has been approaching the topic of the preservation of the Quran in depth. In the 70s, Patricia Crone wrote Hagarism which led to the development of the Revisionist School of Quranic studies. They said that because the Quran mentions vegetation and because Mecca wasn’t as large as a trading hub as Muslim tradition represents, and because the Quran seems to reference such a wide gamut of sources, it was impossible that the Quran was compiled in Arabia, but must have been in Petra or a city with greater links to the wider world, and that it was written by comities over three hundred years after the prophet.
The secondary claim of the academics is that none of the Hadith literature can be trusted. Now, I do believe that some of the Hadith (perhaps more than we assume) may have been corrupted, but I do think academia is far too dismissive of the historicity of the hadith completely. I read the Hadith in precisely the same way that I read the old testament: both contain some Wahi - or revelation - but neither is the word of God verbatim, and if anything in them directly contradicts the Quran or aql, I reject it outright. That being said, I do believe some of it is historical and goes back to the prophet and is therefore part of the Sunnah and is Wahi.
Returning to our discussion: the discovery of the Sanaa’ palimpsest put the revisionist theory to rest as the entire Quran has now been attested to around 650 - Uthman’s Quran. However scholarship has not yet been able to conclude the historicity of Abubakar’s Quran. I have attached my arguments (I have not included the arguments of the person I was discussing with because I do not have his permission to repost).
I was wondering what you think of this argument, or whether any of you are capable of carrying out or redesigning the experiment I outline here to prove the likely historicity of Abubakar’s Quran. Please note, I take on a secular tone in the text because that’s the rules of that forum which I respect, it’s academia not apologetics, not because I believe in the ideology. However, here, I hope to see what you think.
POST 1
Dr. Van Putten points out there is significant orthographic consistency in Quranic manuscripts, highlighting the way the name Ibrahim is spelled for instance.
Do you believe this could demonstrate elements of the original compilation of the Quran under Abu Bakar ?
My argument is fairly simple:

1. Uthman’s recension was done to prevent variants and to maintain a uniform authoritative codex.
2. Given that context, it doesn’t make sense to have variant spellings of proper nouns like names in a standardised text, particularly in verses adjacent to eachother which would be jarring.
3. This is not due to the fact that orthography wasn’t important, as we see meticulous care to retain the variant orthographical features across manuscripts.
4. Given the push for uniformity, there must have been a stronger push factor / reason to retain the lack of uniformity in a project whose entire purpose was uniformity.
5. The most obvious reason is that the original authoritative text that the first compilation (Abu Bakar’s tentatively) was sourced from was fragmentary: ie sourced from different fragments written by several different scribes each of whom had different spellings of proper nouns - the collection of this fragmentary material (written on perishable items according to tradition - led to the first compilation project which retained the variant spellings in the Abubakar Archetype). The Uthmanic recension had access to the Abubakar archetype but the variant spellings were retained because the fragmentary verses held the highest authority. Zaid was said to be in charge of both projects.
6. Since the original manuscript (Abu Bakar’s) was personal property of the Caliph (and wasn’t copied or in distribution until Uthman) other variants were not destroyed according to the traditional narrative, other stemma could have formed either from companion codexes or from the Uthmanic codex forward (the variants being sourced from other physically attested fragmentary pieces - therefore justifying their inclusion.
7. The most likely scenario for the text we see in my mind is the tradition: a fragmentary written archetype that was faithfully followed by Zaid ibn Thabit (and variants being included from other fragmentary attestations of the same verses).

So does the orthography suggest the narrative of the original pre-Uthmanic compilation of an authoritative text has legs / should be explored further / is the most cogent explanation of currently available data ?
Dr. Van Putten, I also reference your work in making my argument, so please let me know if I have mischaracterised it, I would also love your thoughts on this theory.
POST 2
Hey, first thank you for your response. What i was trying to say is that the spelling wasn’t standard and varied both between scribes and a single scribe may spell words differently, thats a given.
My actual point is that while that may generally be true, the fact that the uthmanic text more or less faithfully reproduces the set of variant spellings in copies suggests that the uthmanic committiee did care about the spelling, but chose not to make it uniform - otherwise the locations of the variants wouldnt be relatively consistent in copies. This, to me at least, suggests there was an archetype which had the variant spellings, which was respected as an authoritative source ie an earlier written codex which was likely fragmentary.
It’s just an assumption, you’re right, but was wondering if it has legs.
Another way to get to what i’m asking, does the evidence youve found suggest the existence of an earlier written codex as the tradition attests to ? If not, whats a better explanation for what we see ?
POST 3
Thank you again for your response, it's really an honour speaking with you.
“If the first codex wasn't a direct copy of anything,” My argument is that the first codex was a copy of written fragmentary verses.
The consistency of the Uthmanic manuscripts with regards to the spelling convention (whatever the distribution of the way a single word is spelled, that's not my focus, my focus is on the consistency with which each spelling appears in its position across manuscripts) - if that consistency is high, that strongly suggests they were aware of the different spellings because they cared enough about the spellings to reproduce them faithfully in their exact positions, but they didn't change them - and the existence of an authoritative written text that was collected from fragmentary sources / scribes (and therefore had varied spellings) would seem to have the most explanatory power for the data we do see.
What I’m inferring is that if we see this consistency in the location of certain spellings in the Uthmanic text type, the story of Abubakar's Quran explains that data best.
For clarity:
My argument actually doesn’t rely on the distribution between various spellings in the text, but rather on the fact that the position of the various spellings are maintained exactly in copies - i.e. the difference in count between the spellings isn’t relevant to this argument.
If we limit ourselves to a single codification, this creates a conundrum: on one hand they seem to care immensely about the position of various spellings (and therefore implicitly care about the spelling), but on the other hand they don’t see the differences in spellings as significant as obvious variation exists in the text - so the position of various spellings in the text is important, but the fact that there are different spellings of the same word between those precise positions is not important (as there are variants).
POST 4
This is what I reference:
Dr. Van Putten’s findings lit a light bulb off for me: the data makes most sense if the traditional narrative is correct and there were two codifications.
Van Putten: “By examining 14 early Quranic manuscripts, it is shown that this phrase is consistently spelled using only one of the two spellings in the same position in all of these different manuscripts. It is argued that such consistency can only be explained by assuming that all these manuscripts come from a single written archetype, meaning there must have been a codification project sometime in the first century.”
Sidky: “If the first codex wasn't a direct copy of anything, then there is nothing for them to care about.”
But there was something to copy according to the tradition: written fragments that had small chunks of Surahs or just had individual verses. I want to test for that - ie can the orthographic data we have not be random or just chalked up to ancients not caring about spelling, but instead be due to the fact that the verses were transcribed by different scribes. This isn’t a multiple author hypothesis - I don’t think that has credence, it is however an argument that it may be worth testing if the first codex was fragmentary, which would strongly support the traditional narrative.
The first codex wasn’t a written rendition of an oral text according to tradition, it was a compilation of fragmentary verses that were in turn the actual written editions of the oral text. The difference is significant - because if true, and assuming the fragments were small and written by the scribes then the speaker of the oral text would be the prophet himself and the variation would likely be from the prophet or from the scribes mistranscription of what he said - but because they were small fragments, this is less likely.
POST 5
My theory explains this by the strict adherence to the written fragmentary verses that Zayd collected from scribes that wrote them down. Each had a different approach to orthography, but whatever their approach when the original Abubakar Quran was collected their writing held absolute authority as it was written under the supervision of the prophet, so Zayd would be motivated to retain it exactly (if there was more than one attestations of the same verse, for instance an additional article or the lack of one, Zayd could choose to use one fragment in one codex and another fragment in another codex to preserve both as both meet the same conditions of authority). Each scribe likely had different spelling conventions, and likely applied their preferred spelling conventions with differing consistency.
A scribe that wasn’t consistent could have the same word spelled differently in the same verse, and another scribe that was meticulously consistent could have an entire Surah with completely consistent spelling - depending on what fragments were found from which scribes.
Whatever was on those fragments was likely transcribed exactly (as Zayd, the same person in charge of Uthman’s compilation, was also in charge of the first compilation project, and so likely employed the same standard of exact copying of the written text irrespective of spelling variants).
So if the traditional narrative is correct, if we had the original codex we would expect to see some natural variation in the spelling convention because it was collected from various sources with different spelling conventions - if the Uthmanic text faithfully copied that text, whatever the distribution of variants between the various words in number, we would see their exact position meticulously maintained in copies of the Uthmanic codex because the first codex would have had them and would be authoritative.
POST 6

1. The best explanation for why the Uthmanic text maintained orthographic variance is because it copied from an authoritative older written text.
2. The best explanation for why the older written text has variation in the spelling is that it was transcribed by different scribes who spelled things slightly differently. Those initial scribes would have been dictated to directly by the Prophet so their transcription would outweigh all others, so the variants we see could either be due to their mishearing, or assuming the Prophet was illiterate, he would not have been able to enforce spelling conventions, so scribes would have had creative license to write the name in the spelling convention they were most familiar with. So scribes with a Jewish background would be more likely to spell ‫ﺍ‬ ‫ﺑ‬ ‫ﺮ‬ ‫ﻫ‬ ‫ﻢ‬ and those without would spell ‫ﺍ‬ ‫ﺑ‬ ‫ﺮ‬ ‫ﻫ‬ ‫ﻴ‬ ‫ﻢ‬, but if those spellings appeared next to another word like Nimatullah and we see that both one spelling of Abraham appears every time one spelling of nimatullah appears, and a third word with variant spelling in the quran also appears in only one way when the first two have that form, then we can suggest that it comes from a single fragment that had orthographic consistency, and other fragments of the quran with a similar pattern likely come from the same scribe.

If we have a sufficient number of pairings to analyse we can build confidence that all of the verses that adhere to those pairing were written by a single scribe & confirm the Abubakar hypothesis with a degree of statistical confidence, because the story of fragmentary compilation would match the data we see, .

I just passed 3 months last Thursday. I was reflecting about them and thought I’d post here.
Basically, this story starts in 2017 when I (at the time 315 lb 49 F) had a health challenge and changed to a low carb unprocessed (also no sugar no grains ) way of eating. I went from 315 lbs at five foot one to about 203 and then maintained that loss for about three years before the effects of plateau and regain started. Over the next 6 years I regained about thirty pounds which is a miracle considering any other time I’d lost weight, I regained it all and more in months not years.
I educated myself and realized that since only about 2% of people can maintain a weight loss of 10% of their body weight for a year because of the body defence of the higher weight. Hormones make people think they are hungry and need to eat more so they don’t starve to death even though they aren’t starving. These concepts are ones that appear in peer reviewed literature from several sources so I’m not making it up.
While I was a unicorn because I was able to maintain for several years, I believe because with the low carb unprocessed diet, I wasn’t also having high/low blood sugar - this is my theory based on a discussion with a dietician that told me a theory about some people and how they don’t have to be actually hypoglycaemic to have the effects of it ( ie. eating compulsively to bring up sugars). Still, the odds were greatly against me maintaining this loss. When I started experience difficulties in reversing little weight gains, I asked for a referral to a bariatric clinic so I could try things other than lifestyle changes.
Bariatric assessment process wasn’t good for me but in the end it was established that I’m not a good candidate for drugs, there was no point to optifast since I’d already made drastic lifestyle changes, and that my options were probably regain and surgery.
Since I had not screwed up my lifestyle changes, but was battling my body trying to get me to eat more, surgery became the obvious answer.
I was warned that I might not lose much more weight than the amount I’d regained since that amount represents almost thirty percent loss from my former top weight.
Now I’m 56 and post menopause. I was ok with this as long as I was able to maintain my loss more easily. I did not relish the idea of aging as a three hundred plus pound short woman ( getting shorter). I don’t need to be skinny either. I honestly don’t care at this point about my body size since even with my regain my mobility wasn’t hampered and my chronic health issues stayed resolved. Honestly , I haven’t even really noticed my weight loss in any meaningful way because I was already living better. I believe the meaning of health at any size means this. My body size only matters to the extent that I think it does and that includes that I don’t have to be a size zero to be healthier.
I had RNY surgery three months ago. Weight loss has been relatively slow but I’m happy to say that despite some small hitches like throwing up in the early days and low hemoglobin post surgically which has since resolved.
I was completely grossed out by protein supplements so the two weeks following surgery were tough. My surgeon encouraged me to eat according to textures ( which isn’t what the handbook says).
I had no pain after the day of surgery, or since . Things are going pretty well. I’d hoped to have more of a hormonal change to regulate appetite but despite feeling overfilled constantly, I’m losing weight, hitting protein goals with real food and the learning curve is getting less steep. My pre-surgery weight was 232 and this morning I was 194 so obviously it’s working for weight loss. I’m not under any illusion that this has been a perfect solution, but I’m happy to have my stress level lowered daily since my desire to eat is much curved and even if I want to eat, the threat of puking keeps me in line.
Weird things since:
As an Orthodox Jew who keeps kosher I’m having weird cravings for nonkosher foods which includes seafood ( which I’m allergic to!).
I hadn’t eaten sugar or artificially sweetened foods in almost 12 years and now I’m craving keto type sweets which I know affect my cravings. I’m not saying I’m indulging regularly but it’s odd to have the cravings.
Chicken strongly disagrees with me while red meats and lamb don’t.
I was mostly carnivorous prior but I often choose non-meat protein food items more now. I don’t really like beans but the other day I told my husband if he made a chickpea curry I’d eat it. BIZARRE. I am 100% getting all my protein in but beans are higher in carbs which worries me because my original health crisis seven years ago was diabetes related and I’ve been sub-clinical for 6 years. For me, I don’t actually believe in the concept of moderation so it’s disconcerting to say the least.
What’s really interesting is my general disinterest in food and eating. I know I have to eat and I know I have to prioritize protein. I have cravings regularly but ultimately I mostly eat to fill the hunger and don’t much care what as long as it fits the ‘get your protein in first’ model. In the end, since I don’t eat grains or other sweet things, this ultimately ends up looking like a diet of primarily animal protein, with vegetables and a bit of fruit thrown in. I’ve eaten a couple of keto protein bars but it’s not regularly.
For context, I used to be a serious foodie and a food professional and when I went low carb I cared much less. As long as my food was delicious and low carb and I wasn’t hungry, I didn’t care. Since surgery, some of the things i really enjoyed low carb have become sort of icky to me so I’m constantly revisiting what I like and don’t like. It’s a process 🤷🏻‍♀️.
Anyway, I have lots of homework to do ( one of the changes that happened seven years ago when my chronic health issues resolved, was my doctor suggested I go to nursing school) so I’m going to sign off but I wanted to share that though this is an imperfect process, it is one which I’m not sorry to have gone through. I sort of regret not doing it 20 years ago but on the other hand I guess I would not have been mentally ready had I done it much sooner than my health crisis, subsequent sustained weight loss and then learning how obesity actually works. On the other hand, I’m glad I was confident in my new lifestyle before I did it because i understood on a gut level what that meant.
If you read this far, thanks. Feel free to AMA.
Starting Weight 2017 was 315 Surgery weight was 232 ( Feb 2024) CW 194 GW- don’t really have one. I guess it was 203 since I was told I might not lose more than I regained.

I passed the FNP exam with ANCC!!! I’m honestly still riding my emotions. 🥹💙😭 I wanted to share what I used as my study materials. They were either helpful or not helpful. Please do understand that this is just based on my views of the study materials. Everyone has their own different experiences and opinions. I studied for 2 months before taking my exam.
Note: I have 7 yrs of experience as a RN primarily in cardiac ICU and oncology.
Study Materials 1) UWorld Q-bank (Not helpful) 2) Leik Book (Helpful & recommend) 3) Sarah Michelle 1 Day Crash Course (Not helpful) 4) ANCC/ANA Practice Exam (Helpful & recommend)
*UWorld Q-bank: I used UWorld back when I prepped for the NCLEX so I was stoked when I found out they recently launched a FNP Q-bank. UWorld is good for those who don’t want to read through a textbook. The questions are accompanied by very thorough rationales. However, I felt like the rationales did not focus too much on treatment plans or pharmacology. It was great at explaining pathophysiology. But when it came to treatment, there would be phrases like “This disease will need medical treatment or this infection will need antibiotics.” It wouldn’t go into depth as to what medications would be recommended or prescribed. With UWorld, the questions were also very lengthy and did not correlate much with the format of the ANCC exam. There is a category for professional practice/ethics, but it had maybe less than 40 questions.
*Leik Book: An upperclassman recommended Leik to me as a study tool. I purchased the e-book version which did not come with the Q-bank. Leik was very thorough and helpful. I liked that the rationales included medications that would needed to be prescribed or recommended. The book also had tips and pointers along the way such as “this may be a possible ANCC or AANP question/topic.” Leik also explains the difference between ANCC and AANP questions which I found was super handy as testing strategies. At the end of each chapter were knowledge review questions which were either 10-40 questions long. There are also 2 practice exams at the end of book.
*Sarah Michelle 1 Day Crash Course: I know a lot of students swear by Sarah Michelle courses. I enrolled for this course 1 week before my exam date. This is a rapid course that covers all the body systems with 2 instructors. The course provided a study guide for the students to follow along. I don’t know if it’s the ICU nurse in me, but I felt the outline and organization of the session was very hard to follow. One minute we would be reviewing a question about GI and the next question would be about cardiac or endocrine and then back to GI. Alot of students mentioned in my session they would have preferred if it was structured to be 1 system with all the questions instead of jumping around too. But information wise, this review session does not go into full details. If you want to know about the explanations for diagnosis, interventions, and treatment/management, this review is not for you. This was a rapid fire question review session. A lot of the times, the instructors referred to alot of mnemonics which I was not familiar with. I’m assuming they were covered in the regular SM courses.
*ANCC/ANA Practice Exams: My advise… don’t freak out about the topics that were on the practice exams lol. I bought the practice exam to familiarize myself with the formatting of the questions. You wont need to know things like reportable diseases (which scared me because I did not study that at all). But the ANCC exam did similarly follow the practice exam format. I definitely felt less stressed as I was taking the FNP exam. The questions are more theory based than clinical base. But having studied mostly clinical scenarios, you can pretty much narrow your options down to 2 answers.
I hope this post helps everyone who will be taking their boards! Remember to breathe!

MIA Town Hall - Supporting Extreme States, Dissociation & Experiences Labeled as Psychosis
Mad in America presents Part II of a special panel discussion on understanding and supporting those experiencing extreme states, dissociation, and experiences labeled as psychosis. We’ll take a deeper dive into how engaging and validating these states can serve as a supportive tool for healing. We’ll provide concrete examples of possible approaches and demonstrate that recovery, even in people labeled as “incurable,” is possible in various forms. Our expert panel includes survivors, family members, and therapists. Extensive resources will be shared, and the discussion will conclude with an open audience Q&A.
About the Guest Speakers
Cindy Marty Hadge is a person who experienced physical, emotional, sexual, and medical trauma as a child. She experienced voices, vision, and thoughts of ending her life growing up as well. As a young adult she turned to alcohol and street drugs in an effort to make life livable. Over time she entered the mental health system, where the street drugs were replaced with prescribed drugs and the result was frequently the same – walking or stumbling through life in a mind-numbing state while continuing to experience voices, visions, and thoughts of ending her life.
Knowing that peer support in the form of 12 Step programs had been helpful while struggling with substance use, she sought out peer support for her emotional distress and experience of extreme states. Cindy discovered that she lived within walking distance of one of the Wildflower Alliance spaces, where one of the very few Hearing Voices Network groups in the US was held. Within this community she found healing and hope. By attending HVN groups she discovered that there were things she could do beyond taking medication to navigate her experience.
Cindy has found the meaning, purpose, and connection that she longed for and has made a way of making sense of the senseless. She is transforming her tragedies into treasures by being healed when creating space for others to heal. Cindy has been recognized by Inter-Voice, the international organization of HVN, for her work as an educator. Cindy is gender non-conforming and has presented both as Cindy and Marty. Cindy is a keynote speaker and a national trainer.
Olga Runciman is the only psychologist in private practice in Denmark to specialize in extreme states (psychosis). She is an international trainer and speaker, writer, campaigner, and artist. She is a co-founder of the Danish Hearing Voices Network and the International Institute for Psychiatric Drug Withdrawal. She is a board member for a variety of organizations including Intervoice, Mad in America, The Danish Psychosocial Rehabilitation organization, and others. She has taken the three-year Finnish Open Dialogue education in London and works today as a dialogical family therapist and trainer.
For many years prior to her current career, Olga worked as a nurse in neurology and psychiatry. She also knows psychiatry from the inside, having been a patient herself. She was told she was an incurable case. Today she is in the unique position of creating a bridge between patient and professional.
Sam Ruck earned his B.A. in a Christian ministry-related field but set that dream aside when his wife began to display symptoms related to her childhood trauma early in their 35-year marriage. Together, for the past 16 years, they have learned to navigate extreme states and extreme dissociative issues, while embracing her seven “alter” identities in their relationship and family. Sam learned to become the companion his wife needed on their mutual healing journey, using strategies drawn from attachment theories and other pragmatic approaches.
Today, Sam and his wife struggle together, like many others, amidst the upheaval of culture wars and post his cancer diagnosis in 2023. They are still dealing with the remnants of her trauma and dissociation. Though his wife chooses to remain anonymous, she supports Sam sharing their learnings with significant others, family members, and anyone who is interested in a better way to engage someone experiencing mental distress. Please note that for privacy, Sam Ruck is using a pen name.
Sam blogged about their journey for a number of years later, summarizing the experience in a short book offered for free here. Excerpts have been published on MIA.

Today was the first time I heard anything about missing Canadian Kimberly Ratushniak. Anyone else think she can be a possible victim? Supposedly she traveled to NYC looking for work as a nurse but hasn’t been heard from since early 2004. There isn’t much out there that I could find about her case or the friends she was with on NYE, but she’s just another woman that traveled to NYC looking for work to end up completely vanishing. I also find it odd that she only called from pay phones, but was supposedly staying at a nurses quarters on Long Island. Maybe she couldn’t find work and had to resort to sex work and didn’t want to tell her family/friends and crossed paths with LISK? Just a theory of mine. What do y’all think?
https://www.websleuths.com/forums/threads/ny-kimberly-ratushniak-25-suffolk-county-2004.338667/
https://www.vicnews.com/news/campbell-river-woman-last-seen-in-nyc-in-2003-7359408