I have lost 4 characters this season to random one shots.
Armour capped, Resistance capped, multiple sources of DR (Hardened Bones Affix, Exhume rune, Flesh-Eater Legendary Node), ~14k HP Full fortified
And...this is the fourth time I've just randomly died. I do not take damage. I just die, immediately, randomly. I haven't even hit level 100 this season. I've died around level 80 all 4 times because every time I get to this point, with all of these stats capped/as high as I can get them at the time...I just randomly explode. Not from floor explosions either. At least three of these deaths have been the Helltide summoned boss deciding to fly over and punch me in the face. The last one I don't even know what happened. I couldn't even see what killed me. I just exploded.
How much HP am I supposed to have by this point in the game to not die?

Sorry this is long... I feel like I'm back where I started 3 years ago and the situation is urgent.
Context: 3 years ago I stopped being able to eat normally. the smallest bits filled me up and made me feel sick, and I started rapidly losing weight. My PCP referred me to a GI doctor. The GI doctor, sadly, seemed under the impression that I had an eating disorder. For the next year, I proceeded to essentially starve, while begging people to believe I was not anorexic. I begged to see another GI doc, but per clinic guidelines this was not allowed. I eventually got down to a BMI of 14.8 and could barely get out of bed. My mom had to leave work to come stay with me. Finally, I stopped being able to even drink water or pass any stool. I went to urgent care and there was an impaction in my rectum. Upon clearing that and then a course of magnesium citrate, I could eat again.
Since them, I have been on miralax 3x daily. That worked great. I gained 20 pounds and got back to a borderline normal weight. Amazing. My GI doctor realized I wasn't anorexic, but still provided no real advice other than take miralax the rest of your life, and the root cause of this doesn't matter. I had an anorectal manometry, and an MR defecogram (both of which I had to beg for as dr said was unnecessary). They diagnosed me with dyssenergic defacation , a form of pelvic floor dysfunction. P.S. I did ask for a sitz marker test, but dr denied saying it's not necessary. I had a gastric emptying study (it was normal). Dietary changes make no difference.
GI doc says I have pelvic floor dysfucntion so that must be what's causing this. I finally managed to see another GI doc who said I likely have a separate motility issue, but said it doesn't matter what or why as long as miralax is helping. I have no idea which is true.
I thought I'd been managing with miralax, but in the past week the same is happening again. I can barely eat or drink anything. I can barely pass any stool despite miralax 3x daily. I tried Senna today but nothing is happening. My belly is horribly distinded. There is incredible pressure in my upper right colon. I feel virtually no hunger and can barely eat or drink.
Another problem I face now is that, I assume related, is I get hypoglycemia all the damn time. On a bad day i can get it 4-5 times per day. And not slightly low, but dangerous low - a month ago I woke up and my blood sugar was 40 mg/dl and I could barely get out of bed. I have similarly had countless dr appointments expressing my concerns, especially given that I live alone, but there seems to be little concern. I assume because no one believes me. My last endocrinologist quit. I finally got another one, who cut me off one sentence into the appointment, told me I was wrong and that I've never had hypoglycemia, that my glucometer was inaccurate, and that even my BLOOD TESTS FROM THE FUCKING HOSPITAL were wrong because I live in a rural location and they don't know what they are doing. I proceeded to sit there for the full 40-min appointment and listen to her rant on about how she does not believe I deal with blood sugar issues, and how women get low blood sugar on their periods so that must be it. Any time I tried to speak she cut me off immediately and kept going. i thought of killing myself after that appointment.
INTERESTINGLY - now that I can barely eat, my blood sugar is not falling horrifically low. Maybe the food is staying in my colon long enough to be digested? I don't know.
Does anyone have advice? This is a horrible pit of misery.

My (ex)fiancé and I had been together for almost 6.5 years, engaged for almost 2.5. Over the last several months, my (ex)fiancé has sat me down to talk about our relationship about once a month. Before these conversations, he would shut down and barely speak to me for several days even when I would ask what was wrong. Then he would finally tell me he was ready to have a conversation and would express his frustrations with the relationship. By the time of our conversations, I would already be on the defensive from his recent behavior. I also generally do not receive feedback well. When he would try to tell me that he was unhappy in our relationship because I didn't compliment him enough, flirt with him enough, or tell him I loved him enough, I would shut down. I was not able to hear what he was really trying to tell me. Instead, I put up a wall and told him to love me for who I am. I basically asked him "If I'm happy in our relationship despite my frustrations, why can't you be?" I now realize that is not an appropriate or healthy response when your partner is trying to communicate with you.
I did try to hear him. I gifted him some lingerie for the first time and let him take a boudoir photo shoot of me wearing it. I started sending a few more cute messages. I tried to make more time to cuddle with him when he would ask. I tried to give him more hugs. I tried to thank him more for picking up around the house. I wrote him a cute letter and surprised him with a few gifts for Easter. However, about a month ago, we had another one of those conversations. Except this time the first things he brought up were 'wondering what else is out there' and talking about how other girls are always complimenting him. Again came the walls and extra defensiveness. I ended up writing him a letter talking about how I didn't know if I could ever be what he wanted me to be and that maybe he should think about calling things off. This was obviously a defense mechanism to try to beat him to the punch line and talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. Three weeks later he would sit me down and tell me he wanted to know what else was out there again and that he didn't know if he could go through with marrying me. My efforts did not feel like enough for him and I understand why. I was having a hard time connecting my emotions with my actions which made my actions seem reactionary and not genuine or provoked by love.
I have been through a lot more trauma in my life than I realized. My dad was in the Navy while I was growing up. We had to move every three years. A very pivotal point in my life was when we moved when I was in the 6th grade. I lived right next door to my best friend. I was finding my love for math and theater. I also played soccer and was a Girl Scout. When we moved, I became very depressed, though I didn't understand that's what it was at the time. I stopped all of my extracurricular activities. I stopped getting too close to people because I knew I would have to move or they would have to move eventually. I mostly stayed in my room and kept to myself, even from my family. I also have struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Then, in my senior year of high school, I got my first-ever boyfriend. We were in a relationship for over 4 years. In that relationship, I would always be the one to try to talk about our problems. I would be the one who would always want longer hugs and more cuddles. But it was not a healthy relationship. We broke up and got back together many times. I found several illicit texts to other girls on multiple occasions and he would always gaslight me by saying his younger brother stole his phone or I misinterpreted the messages. I think this caused me not to want to show my emotions because it wasn't reciprocated and resulted in heartache. Then, three years ago my younger brother died in a tragic car accident at the age of 17.
When I realized I could lose the love of my life, I realized that he was right about me not being affectionate enough. I had built up walls to protect myself. I thought I had made progress on my anxiety and depression, but I realized I was wrong. I also realized that I have issues with communication, trust, and vulnerability. I was a great partner in other ways and I did express my love in other ways. I moved across the country, coast to coast, with him to a state where I didn't know anyone so that he could attend his dream school. I take care of the household. I get the majority of the groceries. I do all of the cooking. I do all of the maintenance cleaning. I take care of our 2 cats and 1 dog. I say all of those in the present tense because we currently still live together but are sleeping in separate rooms. I also financially supported him by lending him money and letting him pay less of the rent because I made more money. I accept all of him including that he has terrible time management skills, he can have a hard time controlling his emotions at times, and he is disorganized and messy. I also accepted that I would have to wait for marriage and children because of his school and accepted that he did not have a lot of free time between school, work, and his hobbies. I supported his love for his hobbies by accepting his purchasing of expensive equipment even when he owed me money, traveling to watch several events that were important to him, and traveling to see him win an award from his job. I would write heartfelt cards for every holiday. I also bought him dozens of children's books about love that I wanted us to read to our children one day.
When I realized I could lose him, I felt something change inside me. It was like I could feel a hole being blown in the wall I had built up. I felt all my love for him overwhelm me. I couldn't hug him, kiss him, or tell him I love him enough. I tried to talk to him to apologize for my behavior and how badly I'd hurt him. I tried to explain how I felt like a different person and how I really wanted to work hard on improving myself as a partner to make our relationship work. I tried to prove my words with actions. I wrote a list of things I needed to work on including communication and being more affectionate. I also wrote out a list of ways to work on those things and actually started doing the things on the list. Some of the items I had already begun to do like hug and kiss him more and tell him I love him more. I also tried to ask more questions about his interests/hobbies/day. I was more vulnerable and talked with him about my feelings more. I even initiated intimacy, something I had really only done once in a blue moon when I was intoxicated. I also set up my individual therapy sessions.
Despite all of my efforts, over the next two weeks, he continued to say he did not know if he could be with me and wanted to know what else was out there. He was very wavering and said multiple times "I don't know what the right decision is." He said he could not trust that my changes would last and that it was probably too late. I begged him to try couples therapy, but he refused and said "Therapy takes too long" and basically said it wasn't worth the time. He finally broke up with me after 2 weeks of going back and forth and I was devastated. He later talked to a mutual friend of ours and changed his mind about therapy. I was so happy to hear that he had changed his mind. However, now I feel like I can't even trust him anymore. He's turning into a person I don't recognize and I don't know what he's capable of anymore. I don't know if the man I love still exists. When he told me he was now agreeable to try therapy he said "We're still broken up, but I won't talk to any other girls." and then promptly said "And it will give me more time to find a place to live if things don't work out." He deleted several Instagram posts that had photos of me after he agreed to try therapy which makes me think he's not actually that open to healing our relationship. He complained to me about how he might have to take out student loans after I told him he needed to pay me for half of the rent while we're broken up and not decreased rate he had been paying me. He also "checked on me" on the night of the 3rd year anniversary of my brother's death when he heard me crying. Then he just sat on the end of the bed scrolling his phone while I cried as if he was checking on me because he felt like he had to and not because he wanted to. When I asked him if he had some sort of deadline in mind for the therapy, because he had previously mentioned that it takes too long, he said July or August and I have a suspicion that is because a girl he likes is leaving for summer break but will be back at the end of August for the next semester.
I just feel like the way he has been acting is not how you act towards someone you were in a relationship with for almost 6.5 years. Especially after saying you still love them and have no negative feelings towards them. That means even though you don't think you are a good relationship match, you should still want to treat them with respect. You should care that they are hurting during this time. You should want to comfort them in their grief of a separate event. You should mean it if you say you want to try therapy.
TL; DR : Do you think therapy will help?

I’ve said this so many times so I’m posting this to hopefully keep me accountable. I have to stop. Binging is literally ruining my life. I hate the way I look in photos and in the mirror, my clothes either don’t fit me or look terrible, my friends and family have noticed my weight gain, and I don’t even enjoy the sport I love (running) because I’m so depressed. I have never been more depressed in my life and it’s all because of this terrible disorder. Not just my mental health but my physical health has gotten so bad. I’ve gained belly fat, acne, I’m bloated all the time, I feel nauseous, and I don’t perform as well. Somehow I always find an excuse to binge- but i wont this time. because with each time i fail i learn something. and i know now: there is NEVER an excuse to binge. so here we go again. im starting my binge free streak from scratch- if anyone wants to start with me and keep eachother accountable feel free.
TL;DR last binge happened today- going to give everything I possibly have to never binge again.

I don't need any Sony Buff passes or Universal Rewards.
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●**iTunes**●
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Allied (4k) (iTunes Split)
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Jurrasic World (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
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La La Land (4k) (iTunes) (Split)
Les Misérables (4K iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Lone Survivor (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
Maleficent (4k iTunes) (Split) (MA)
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No Time To Die (4k)
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I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. Overall, our relationship has been wonderful. He’s my best friend and I can’t imagine not having him to carry me to harass me to brush my teeth when I’m half asleep in bed. However, he’s always had some commitment issues, stemming in my opinion from his parent’s divorce. I am the first person he has ever said I love you to and his second relationship overall.
His commitment issues have popped up here and there throughout the relationship. Never did I feel like he wasn’t committed to me, it was more like he was just always scared of taking the “next step” (moving in together for example). It was always something he had never really thought about and he would tell me that he just had to process it. It was genuinely like the idea of a relationship progressing had not occurred to him and once it was brought to him he would take what felt to me like an incredibly long time to figure out if he was ready for it. I first brought up living together after a year and a half together (he owned a house and I was renting) and he couldn’t really figure out if he was ready in time so I ended up signing another year lease before we moved in. Not a big deal, just an example of his processing speed.
We live together now in the house he owns and have been living together for over a year. We broke up briefly in the beginning of 2023 after a disagreement in finances but have since worked through it and things have been great. We got back together in March of 2023.
The issue is I brought up marriage and the future and I feel like the commitment issues are rearing their head again. I really value marriage (personal preference, you do you, I just want that) and he knows that. When we got back together I told him that things would move faster now because we had made this serious choice to get back together and commit to working through everything. He agreed. I asked about engagement in January of 2024 and made it pretty clear that I wanted that to happen in the next 6-7 months (so we would’ve been back together for over a year by that point.
Well, after recent conversations, he told me he’s not ready and he just needs to be sure. Which is fair but when I asked if he knew for sure that it is me and he saw me as his forever he said “I think I can get there”. Punch to the gut. Thought he was already there.
So I told him that makes me really sad and I don’t know how I can be happy knowing that after this long and the promises we made getting back together that he isn’t sure about me. I told him I might be sad until he knew for sure and that at a certain point I might get tired of waiting and decide to leave. He said that’s unreasonable and unfair. I’m torn.
So I guess the question is, is it okay to feel sad about this? How long do I wait for him to be ready before I decide he’s taking too long? If I do wait for him to be ready, how do I handle the uncertainty of my partner not being sure about me when I’m so sure about him?
When we talk about it, he talks about all the other ways he is preparing for our future, we’re renovating a house together, we’ve talked about kids and he feels like that should be enough for right now but unfortunately for me, it’s not. I want the marriage, it’s one of my values and I’m hurt that he can’t even give me a timeline or confirm that it’s ever going to happen. He says uncertainty is just the nature of relationships. It just makes me so sad and he can’t see why. Idk…how do I handle this?
TL;DR: boyfriend has commitment issues, can’t give a timeline for proposal. How long do I wait?

TL;DR: PLEASE READ THE LN!!!
I've always had an obsession over manhwa and manga (especially OI), and I was especially intrigued because how polarizing people's opinions were on it. I love my fair share of angst and trauma porn and toxicity, and although I dig through all the webtoon and manga trash out there, even I have lines I don't cross/tolerate, and series I drop. Especially with abusive/toxic couples, shit story, lack of development, lack of realism, lack of respect, misogyny, repetitive tropes, etc. But I always give everything a try (even trashy sexist smuts or Chinese manhuas)
But please I IMPLORE you: give the light novel of [My Beloved Oppressor] a read. The manhwa is great and beautiful, but doesn't do the story as much justice with how many details and emotional nuances that are left out. It's so rushed too.
I just finished and I am clutching my pears, biting my fist, sobbing my eyes out, and screaming.
I came for toxic hot trash and irredeemable black haired MLs and timid FLs to rag on, but actually got pretty hooked and teary from these 20 manhwa chapters. I saw on this reddit a great free place to read quality translations at: https://www.patreon.com/collection/188783?view=expanded
I do not ever read LNs for even my top-tier SSS class manhwas, but I had an unusual pull into these characters' lives and story. And thus I began to spiral with these characters.
To avoid spoilers, I wasn't expecting the development of the story, and I truly felt like I was going through the same life-changing rollercoaster as the characters. Not just the FL and ML but the world, setting, side characters, etc. the story is well thought out, detailed, BEAUTIFULLY written and expressed, and I literally felt like I was being sucker punched at some parts I was almost nauseous and disoriented. I could clearly picture scenes with such an artistic vivid imagination and suffered to many emotions throughout the reading.
My tissues are soaked with hot tears, and yet at the end I feel so unbelievably hurt and yet whole from the entire LN. The side stories and ending seriously felt so complete, and I felt there weren't any loose ends besides maybe some parts of the MLs past and whatnot, but I never said this series was perfect. I am very satisfied after, although I feel so impacted.
But they felt like fleshed out characters that I can't bring myself to love or hate, and I just want them find peace and happiness. I love how the FLs draws her line and doesn't just come running back to the ML when he's all ghastly and begging forgiveness. And he honestly doesn't do too much annoying begging and obsessing. He does try his best to separate them and to just love her from the shadows and be respectful of her wishes, although he's horrified of the thought of her killing herself while out. Even if not perfectly or at first. He also doesn't just leave his duties to some poor assistant side character, or completely neglect his role as the commander. In fact, he drowns in it since he feels it's the best thing he can do for her (bring peace and end the war and make a better place for her to live). It's my pet peeve when MLs abandon their jobs/duties over their loss of the FL and the company/empire/whatever they're running suffers from his emotional outbursts and grief over her while he's got bags under his eyes and has sexy shot of him with alcohol and cigarettes lmao.
The MLs development is truly such a breath of fresh air. I can understand his fucked up mentality and obsession, his self-deprication, self-destructive nature, and inferiority, and so on. And the FL isn't some pushover smiley happy Mary Sue. She has her flaws and confronts them throughout the story, and she's not some completely innocent perfect victim either. She really grows so much and I love how she interacts with Heiner. She really recognizes how unhealthy his 'love' is until he fully recognizes his feelings and perspective.
They get dirty and scarred, fight and argue, have unbearably sweet moments that made me want to burst, and gut wrenching parts that made me have to set me phone down. The insight the LN gives to Annette and Heiner's thoughts and feelings is on a whole different level.
For the homies who already read all of the LN too: First of all, Catherine supremacy for life. They were a fleshed out family with feelings, and not some tool or stepping stone for Annette like other runaway FLs after escaping or divorce.
Can't stress enough how the story doesn't just tunnel vision on the main couple too. Side characters are part of the story and make big impacts. Even the sniper at the church who got his face mauled is who saved her life in the fire. And even Catherine (in the side stories) would give it to Heiner over the phone and he'd reflect on himself. Even the guy who ratted Annette out while she was staying with them post-divorce showed up again when he lost his legs in battle and they had a moment together.
Annette's descent into depression was depicted so realistically it hit too close to home. The memory loss, handwriting and dexterity degradation, and her reaction to the miscarriage felt too real. So often depictions can feel too cheap or shallow. I was horrified by her suicide attempts but could completely put myself in her shoes. But it just doesn't go away quickly either, she does struggle with it and taking care of herself, or having the motivation to recover or do therapy to improve her ruined left hand after the church collapse
>!But seriously, the war church fire incident and the piano was seriously immaculate. The references to the Saint mural and glimpses to the past that reminds me of how far we've come and how much of her life has changed, Joseph, and the piano-playing scene. The shaken feelings of the enemy troops and battle with morality, that moment of pure serenity, I was so absorbed. I mean the play that the piano and music had in her journey and the story too was so tasteful.
And oh my God the ending with the title meaning reveal- I seriously thought it was another shitty toxic title but it was actually the name of the song Heiner fell in love with before he met her... and the one she played that lured him in. And what a switch around because I always assumed the ML was the oppressor in question, but really it was the FL to him because how much she engulfed his life. They even address in the story how her love is spread between so many things (piano) and people, and Heiner has nothing but her.!<
It's really such a tragedy that his innocent youthful crush became such a a double edged serrated knife. So obsessive and convoluted, and he created a cult-like worship of a fictional version of her in his head >! through extreme torture... I mean that kind of disassociation was literally the only way he could survive. Plus how could someone raised the way he was understand love and how to give/receive it? !<
I'll stop rambling here for now but guys please comment or something, I have so many feelings after reading the LN I NEED to talk more about it with someone 😭

Just another fun little story idea I had. I am still working on Humans are the violent ones but I like to bounce around and experiment with ideas to see what I really like. I also suck at writing more casual stories, as they give me severe writer's block as I try to map out how to make a scene feel genuine in my head, but I promise I'll update that soon. If you like this story and want to see more, then like and comment. I'll gladly continue this series as well.
Start of Personal Log
Humans don't like being told what to do. They don't like being commanded, put in their place, or snubbed. It was an inexorable, inalienable trait of humans, at least any noteable humans, to go against any authority that they believed was against their interests.
Humanity would not fit amongst the stars. Few ever did. It was a trait of most successful species to be willful, ambitious, and to desire more. But once they reached the stars the new (and simultaneously very old) pecking order either quashed any spirit such species had or simply eradicated them. Countless tomb worlds and diaspora served as painful reminders of what became of the nails that chose to stick out. The hammer of order would always strike. There could be no compromise, the very soul of the authority that held the Jurisdiction together relied on a show of unmatched power, or at least the illusion of item.
In reality, the Jurisdiction was an old, fat, and lazy beast. It filled its belly on the corpses of empires far and wide, and sated its bloodlust on the shattered dreams of hopeful cubs. It had every right to, for none could challenge it: there were no new frontiers to explore, nor were there any other enemies to conquer. The Milky Way, as humans had so strangely dubbed our cradle galaxy, as well as Andromeda, had long since been warred over and settled for millennia before humanity had arrived, bright-eyed and with familiar yet otherwise foolish dreams of cooperation and prosperity. The Jurisdiction did not cooperate, nor did it ensure prosperity. Oh, it claimed it did, but in reality it simply took. The rest was just the peace that came with not being the direct target of the biggest fish in the pond. The humans didn't like that, but they had no choice.
Slavery was a common tribute. The Jurisdiction had no use for other resources: it simply took. No, it wanted those who could facilitate that unequal exchange, those raised in a world where the only morality was the one set by your lord. The Jurisdiction was held together by expectations, obligations, and dury more than any kind of shared dream, so when you were ordered to take you did so without question. Humanity was new: they had no niche or value that set them apart, but they had a penchant for killing and taking, so the Jurisdiction gave them a taste of how the galaxy worked. They killed and they took. The humans didn't like that, but what choice did they have?
Humans were strange. They learned, but not in the way most species learned. Most species learned to adapt in a passive way, to adhere to the world around them. They flowed like water, moving past and around obstacles and confirming to the boxes they were assigned too. Humans didn't confirm, nor did they adapt: they made their circumstances fit their desires. They would not move around obstacles, but rather smash through them, and they refused to stay in one box for too long. The Jurisdiction merely saw them as a particularly loud nuisance, but those who faced their wrath knew better.
It is said that when a beast seeks to make an example, it shall humble its rival by killing it's cubs. Children were one of those universal constants that brought entire communities together: the Sok’klar saw their hatchlings as gifts, shaped by the fruitful currents of the universe in perfect harmony. The Yarrack saw each and every newborn whelp as an uncut gemstone, ready to be shaped into something magical. Humanity oftentimes referred to their offspring as angels, or spirits of unbridled good sent by the gods themselves. Children were seen by most of the galaxy as gifts.
The Jurisdiction saw them as a lever to inflict suffering. It had become quite effective at enacting psychological punishments on those that stood up and spoke out. You dare to disobey? You believe you can speak out? Your gifts shall be taken from you, and you shall be without joy.
Humans didn't like this, but the Jurisdiction would have their pound of flesh, and humankind would kneel. And they did. But humans were patient creatures: most species who retained that trait of willful spit also lacked patience.
I had long since become desensitized to the Jurisdiction’s actions: it was simply how the universe worked now, as if it were a constant akin to gravity. Cruelty was the unspoken rule of this seemingly unending age, where our lives never appeared to move forward or backwards, only lay dormant. The Jurisdiction had been the unyielding authority that ruled the galaxy for thousands of years, venerable yet feared all the same.
And for the longest time I was just another cog in its wheel. My name is Kalnuracht Sedjuur-Noumar VII, and was the scion of the noble house Sedjuur-Noumar. I was born into what most would describe as veiled apathy, living a life that could be attributed to the privileged class of feared scribes that enacted the will of those above. I was an administrator and nothing more. And now I am doomed to be far less than that in the eyes of my former constituents within the endless administration. I am the only scion, as is tradition, and without an heir I am the last of my house, our name to be scrubbed from the records, worthless, meaningless, and forgotten.
I am merely Kalnuracht, nothing else and nothing more. I have seen from their eyes, the eyes of the downtrodden, and it makes my crimes of association with the Jurisdiction feel all the more damning on my worthless soul. I am worthless to the world, and this is my story.
End Personal Log #1
Start of Neural Lace Narrative Log #1
They came from the black like carrion birds in the night, encircling our convoy as if it were a dying animal ready to be picked clean without remorse. There was no warning, no list of demands sent out as civilized peoples did, nor was there either any requirement for unconditional surrender nor chance to parlay, as was done so under letter of marque: this was an unmistakable call for violence and nothing else. They sought to reduce us to slag and scavenge the rest.
So, as one would expect, the entire bridge of the ship was nearing a panicked state. This was not the actions of those practicing civility, but rather the common behaviors of despoiling barbarians, the kind that tore their way through the dark reaches of the galaxy as if they owned it.
“Wayfinder, what do your probes see?” Shouted the ship’s sovereign. He was an older Kar’Rowmach, an amphibious cephalopod species with a venerable history within the Jurisdiction going back thousands of years. Normally one such as him would be above me if it weren't for the fact that I was under the authority of the Jurisdiction’s seal of office. He didn't like me very much, but most of his kind shared the same sentiment.
“All dark, honorable Sovereign: the sensor arrays are wailing but the feedback we're reviewing is beyond incomprehensible,” the wayfinder replied with a certain restrained temper in his voice. The Sok'klar wayfinder swayed gently, his tentacled limbs grasping different metallo-liquid braille output arrays, the liquid gallium flexing and reshaping unnaturally to allow him to to take in multiple different sources of sensory output at once, with the primary navigation computer plugged into the cybernetics surrounding his opaque, gelatinous head and plugging directly into his tube-shaped brain.
The Sovereign cursed in Loskat and pointed to his bridge crew while I simply sat in the back, near the Sovereign’s symbolic throne. “Prepare countermeasures and spool up the warp drive, we cannot allow the amanuensis to be taken! He carries sensitive information that only he can translate and transcribe!”
As the bridge crew nodded and began fiddling with their own systems, I preened my feathered hide anxiously. I wasn't a fighter: us nobles of the cloth were the educated minority above all else, not those who waged war or partook in hard labor. Special cybernetics in my brain allowed me to translate triple-encoded messages that usually took a ducal signet codekey or above to parse, but even without that I was a skilled mathematician and logician. I had terabytes worth of knowledge stored within the hardware installed in my head, all well protected of course, but if I were to die it would still be a waste. I could only imagine the damage any malcontenders could do with it if they were able to get their filthy hands on me.
Suddenly, the ship rocked, and the gallium overhead display began to form crescendos like I'd never seen before. “Sovereign, decks A-3 through C-12 are venting atmosphere and our coolant systems have been obliterated,” the Wayfinder spoke in an almost serene voice, as if he was completely unconcerned by current events. I knew they were simply incapable of tonal displays, but it was unnerving nonetheless. “Once we jump, we will not be able to risk another until the vacuum of the void can reduce temperatures to acceptable levels within the plasma capacitors.”
“Damn them,” the armored nautiloid hissed, his barbed feelers coiling in frustration, “May the currents take them. What are our options? what can we see? This fleet cannot fall to the void today, not with such vital cargo.” My hackles rose lightly at the Kar’Rowmach referred to me as some object rather than an esteemed amanuensis of the Jurisdiction, but I bit my forked tongue. Now was not the time to squabble with the sovereign over who was what and what titles I deserved, not while he was so desperately attempting to keep what semblance of order within his fleet that he had left.
I could not blame the crew for being panicked either: wars were practically mythologized now, having been long since rendered obsolete with the rise of the Jurisdiction, and that felt like an eternity ago. Now, either being levied into or joining a ducal naval force was simply another career, more akin to serving as an officer of the law rather than a fully fledged soldier. Minimal training was required, most of it being the technicals of one's duty rather than any kind of combat conditioning, so expecting a fleet to actually be prepared for a combat scenario in a universe where peace was the norm was laughable.
“We are practically blind, Sovereign,” stated the Sok'klar Wayfinder, “our probes are offline, and shipboard graviton displacement sensory arrays have been rendered unreliable at best.”
“What about the particle emission array? Has there been a spike in radioactivity where we were hit?”
The Wayfinder seemed to think for a second, his gelatinous form flexing and morphing a bit before answering. “Affirmative, a jump from negligible to forty billion becquerels along decks A through E-5 on our starboard side.”
“Torpedoes…” the Sovereign hissed, stroking his barbed feelers, “Human Torpedoes. Only those primitives would rely on crude nuclear warheads.” He then turned to his militant leaders on the ship. “Noddos, Rel’ads: organize your phalanxes and prepare to repel boarders. We are bound to be assailed by those rancorous primates, and I want their skulls piled at my feet if they dare set foot on our ship.”
“Your wish is our command, Sovereign,” the two militant commanders spoke as one. Noddos, a large bipedal with multiple sets of curved spines running down his back, a pair of graceful horns sprouting from his head, and multiple rows of sharp teeth in his snout, bowed first, followed by Rel’ads, a marsupial with long saberteeth and thick fur. They both must have been fierce warriors in their own right to each lead a phalanx. They wore thick, semi-powered armor and held dueling polearms alongside their usual plasma casters, and seemed completely unfazed by the situation we were in. As they stomped out of the brightly lit bridge, I let out a quiet squawk of discontentment. “Sovereign, why haven't we jumped again? We are wasting precious time.”
“I am working on it, you spineless beaurocrat!” He warbled back, his feelers tensing in anger, “besides, it's not as if you're the one who will be spilling blood today, amanuensis, so flatten your wretched beak or I shall weld it shut with a plasma torch.
I was about to reply with something indignant, but the ship rocked again, this time causing the lights to flicker and the air to become… thick. The skin under my feathers began to blister, and I became lightheaded and confused. “Seal the damnable vents, initiate radiation scrubbers, and activate secondary life support!” Shouted the Sovereign, “Their nuclear weapons are rendering the ship inhospitable!”
I coughed up magenta blood accidentally, and I could feel more seeping from under my eyes. Some of the crew was in a similar position, but others were more resistant to radiation than I. The Sok'klar seemed completely at ease as he ran his tentacles across his morphic braille arrays before calmly announcing the ship’s status. “I've regained some control over our probes: ten, twelve, and seventeen are active and fully functional, the rest are either still malfunctioning or permanently inoperable. A rapid rise in localized radiation is also interfering with the detection of graviton displacement; we can't sense photon redirection, thus readings will remain inconclusive.
“Wayfinder, damn you, get me some kind of out here! We're easy prey until we can respond in kind!”
“Negative, something has gone awry with our processing hub, I am attempting to troubleshoot-”
And with that, the Wayfinder’s bulbous head exploded in a cascade of opaque lavender blood, covering the front half of the deck crew like a morbid art piece. Some of the crew screamed and shouted in terror before removing their cranial adaptors and choosing to interact with their displays manually. Others died just as quickly, unable to unplug in time as their brain stems fried or their blood boiled. It was a horrible way to go, having your insides neutralized by your own cybernetics, so I was glad I wasn't connected to the system.
“Cybernetic warfare! All systems are to be considered compromised, switch to manual settings or you'll be killed!”
The lights in the bridge flickered again, and the displays went haywire. The bridge crew, which obviously weren't acquainted with working without being hard-linked into the mainframe, moved at a much slower pace.
“Launch missile pods A through F and set to self-target after five hundred kilometers, then rely on their ballistic coordinates to begin firing broadsides! If we can't see the humans due to their meddling, we'll just have to feel them.” Shouted the Sovereign, “and got me a detailed report on the ship’s diagnostics readings. I need to know if this flagship is still capable of escaping or if we'll have to scuttle it and retreat on another.”
“Acknowledged, Sovereign, launching now,” affirmed another deck officer as he swiped across his own gallium output array. I could hear the dull thunk, thunk, thunk of missiles pushing out of their pods before racing off to their intended targets, then the mechanical whirring as the pods rotated to be reloaded by slaves in the lower decks. I was regaining my bearings as the many horrible sensations of being overwhelmed by radiation poisoning were beginning to subside, but I still felt as if I had been microwaved. The air was stale, the crew was horribly sick as well, and even the sovereign himself seemed to be on his last leg. I was beginning to believe that I might die here.
“Sovereign, a message from the lower decks,” shouted a communications officer, his chitin scraping against itself as he turned quickly, “they're requesting reinforcements, something about being overrun.”
“Impossible,” the Sovereign hissed out in a vain attempt to exude confidence, “We must outnumber the humans, they always go for bigger targets out of arrogance.”
“I've received reports that it's not just humans: the primates seem to make up only a third or so of the assailing force, along with some Phaeldaer and Vrex.”
The commander slammed his clawed hands down on his own output array in a fit of rage, obviously overwhelmed by the circumstances, “Then this wasn't just a typical assault, but something more sinister!” The nautiloid warbled, blood seeping from his shell as the full effects of the radiation took hold, “Get Rel’ads on the line, have him divert all spare lances to the lower decks or else we'll lose the only offensive capabilities we can use.”
“Rel'ads has gone dark, Sovereign, his vitals are critical.”
“Then either get me Rel'ads tail-leader or get me Noddos!” He screamed in rage, “don't give me this nonsense! If we don't pick it up we're all going to die, is that what you want?”
“No, Sovereign, I'm simply overwhelmed-”
“We're all overwhelmed! By the tides, I'm dying of radiation poisoning you nincompoop! Get me something I can work with!”
The officer didn't even acknowledge the Sovereign after that, simply turning back to his display. Eventually, the Sovereign was able to get Noddos on the line.
“Sovereign, two thirds of my phalanxes have been decimated by combat with the primitives and the radiation, the rest are in shambles. We must retreat and fortify elsewhere!”
“Then the ship is compromised! Rel'ads is unresponsive and the lower decks are swarming with intruders. We must evacuate the amanuensis to another ship.”
Just as the Sovereign spoke, I heard several gentle thumps rattle against the bridge’s door, and it made me uneasy. Some of the bridge crew seemed to feel the same, as they looked incredibly nervous and some even drew their sidearms. Just as the sovereign turned to give further orders, the door blew inward with a deafening explosion, followed by shouting and gunfire. Several of the bridge officers were dispatched quickly, brain matter and blood splattering against the delicate electronics. Others were shot in the legs, the torso, or in any other exotic yet non-vital body parts. The humans poured in, brandishing primitive ballistic firearms and jury-rigged energy weapons while wearing scavenged, legion-grade powered armor.
The Sovereign was the next to go, but he wasn't afforded an honorable death. He was shot along the arm with a particularly potent plasma caster, burning off his clawed hand and cauterizing the wound, the acrid smell of roasting chitin filling the already hot and cramped bridge. He fell back against his output array, the gallium reaching new highs and lows as more diagnostics and casualty reports were delivered, and he clutched his stump angrily. “I'll burn every last one of you in the foundries! I'll tie you to stakes, cover you in wax and set you alight! Your screams will be broadcasted all over the galaxy!”
One human warrior stomped up and slammed the butt of his rifle into the sovereign’s face, shattering his facial plates and causing blue blood to splatter across his section of the bridge. “Shut the fuck up, you mutant lobster,” the human said before dragging him by both antennae towards the center of the bridge and receiving a stained breeching axe from one of his comrades. “Emmanuel, start recording. We need proof.”
The other human nodded and pressed a button on his armor before lifting up his gun again. The rest of the humans fanned out, holding everyone else at gunpoint. I tried to get up and sneak out, but a human grabbed me by my neck and nearly wrung it out as he forced me to my knees and pointed a sidearm to my skull. “Get down, you piece of shit, before I blow your brains out too.”
“Damnable primate,” I hissed, but he bashed me in my skull with the base of his sidearm’s grip and sent me sprawling, making my already pounding headache worse. Another human shouted at him in a language I didn't recognize, but he sounded furious. The first brought me back up to my knees again, and I complies with a hiss and a groan, blood still leaking from my eyes and mouth and my world was spinning.
The Sovereign struggled, but he was weak from the radiation poisoning and he couldn't exactly resist on account of his lost arm. The human with the breaching ax kicked the Sovereign down and forced him to kneel before lifting up the breeching ax and splitting his chitinous head down the middle with one powerful swing, sending more blood and brains across the floor. “Execution confirmed, take his antennae just in case and we've got ourselves a bounty. Now all we need is that ugly cat’s teeth and the fat hedgehog-thing’s grimy spines and we'll be in business. Although, they do have skulls… we might as well just take their heads.”
The real horror of the situation dawned on me at that moment: they were going to kill us all, or maybe worse. They mentioned a bounty for the commanders, and multiple of the higher ranking ship officers were already dead, their brains splattered against the walls or their bodies torn apart by gunfire. I wasn't dead yet, but that didn't mean much since I wasn't an immediate threat.
“Alright, round them up and bring all the grunts to the hanger bay, then kill the rest,” the leader of the humans said in such a lackadaisical manner that his complete disregard for life almost made me sick… almost. I had seen worse from the Jurisdiction before, but usually that was from me delivering some kind of ordered judgment on a world that had sinned against order. I might have simply been the messenger, but I had seen many of the outcomes. “And make sure to collect whatever proof of bounties you can, we'll need to deliver them to the office to get cashed out. Don't let this be a repeat of last time where Juarez fucking forgot to take a few heads and it ended up cutting our profits in half, the fucking retard.”
Some of the humans chuckled at that as they dragged more of the senior officers away, out of the room and into the hall,where I heard gunshots. The rest of the bridge crew froze in place, different fear instincts kicking in. The remaining Sok'klar corralled together into what seemed to be a singular, semi-congealed mass as if to try and trick the humans into believing that they were much bigger and much more threatening than they actually were. The one Thei’chi on the bridge, an ensign who had clearly thought this would be a simple mission, bore her curved fangs at the humans and growled as they approached, her hackles completely vertical and her eyes dilated. They quickly muzzled and bound her before beating her over the head with a gun stock, sending her sprawling onto the ground. Many others simply cooperated, eyes wide and yet simultaneously empty, as if they couldn't quite process that the ship had been taken and the commanding officers were being executed as the rest were escorted to the hangar.
“Get the damn messenger down to the hanger as well, we need whatever data's in his ugly lizard head, then we can decide on what to do with him.”
I spat at him in spite, as if to try and seem brave, but it was clearly an empty gesture. “You won't get anything, primate! You couldn't possibly crack the encryption!”
The human holding me seemed to wind up for another swing, but the commanding officer simply held up his hand to stop my tormentor before strolling over to me. He knelt down and removed his helmet, revealing a beige-colored face covered in scars, wiry black hair cut down to the scalp, and multiple tattoos. “You're really fucking mouthy for a hostage,” he said before punching me across my beak faster than I could register. I heard a sharp crack as his fist connected, and my head spun again as the metallic taste of blood pooled into my mouth. “I'd advise you to shut up, but I'm sure you won't listen: you aristocratic types are so full of yourselves. Maybe I should have you flogged in the public square until your vocal chords give out once we rip those cybernetics from your head, huh? How's that sound?”
“It won't matter… it won't change anything… the Jurisdiction will hunt you down.”
“Maybe, but I doubt it will happen for some time: they really suck at doing anything that requires effort, even when they're mad enough. They just keep sending their rabid lapdogs to try and smoke us out, and they always end up full of holes,” the human officer said with a smirk, his yellowish-white teeth and green eyes sending shivers down my spine as he drew his knife. “They're just horrible at their job, you know? You've all gotten so lazy and incompetent after being able to just take what you want without resistance, and now that you've met people who are angry and crazy enough to fight back you act as if we're committing some grave injustice,” he placed the knife against my throat, the flat just underneath my now bent beak, “No, we just took a few pages out of your book, ‘cept we've got standards. No kids, for one…” he seemed to look off into the distance as his sneer deepened, “but it's more than that, we don't attack the defenseless in general and we still win against you all in fair fights.”
I went to say something else snarky, but he quickly grabbed my thin tongue with his fingers and yanked it out, blood from my mouth pulling to the floor as he held the blade of his knife against it. “No no, none of that. Say one more thing and I'll cut that rancid little tongue of yours out of your mouth and feed it to you,” he hissed at me, pressing the blade down just hard enough to draw blood. “Do you know what it's like to see a planet turn into a tomb?" he asked me, gritting his teeth, “Do you know what it's like to see everything you've ever known crumble to ash and glass, all the life and the green stripped away leaving nothing but bones? I do. I've seen it happen to countless worlds, and my grandfather always told me stories of how you bastards did it to Earth. He still prays in its direction five times a day, to Mecca, but he knows the Kaaba is gone now, or maybe it's still there, buried in the bones of those who sought refuge there.”
I didn't care for the human’s nonsensical beliefs, but I did care to correct him. “I've seen it before, and I'll see it again. And so will you, it's inevitable. The Jurisdiction will always have its judgment fulfilled, there is no alternative.”
“One day, I hope we can rectify that,” he said, then he sheathed his knife and slammed my head against the metal floor with enough force to nearly knock me out. As I lost consciousness, I could hear him speak. “Take him to the Chop Doc, and make sure the cybernetics don't get damaged: they're supposedly more valuable than any bounty on this ship.”
Warning: Severe radiation poisoning detected. Flush system immediately.
Warning: Neural Lace removal detected, chance of neurological damage high. Proceeded with caution.

I realize everyone reacts differently but figured I'd post here to see.
So a bit about me... I'm 36, 6ft tall, and approximately 223 lbs.
I work out (weight lift) 4 days a week for about 45 minutes each time.
It's obvious that I work out as people mention it in conversation, but I'm no where near a "meathead" type guy.. Just wide shoulders, large arms, ect..
I feel as though I carry most of my weight in my belly and am self conscious about it. I don't have a beer belly look by any means, but I have love handles.. Nearly a dad bod, but not quite...I'll call it a built dad bod 😂.
I have tried loosing weight by calorie deficit and cutting sugar but was only able to drop down to 210-213lbs...it wouldn't budge anymore. I do realize my biggest issue isn't necessarily calories... rather portion size.
I was talking to my Dr about this who ordered a very large blood panel. Other than slightly high cholesterol and slighty low T, he said I'm pretty squared away.
He mentioned Semaglutide which I have heard about before and we decided to give it a shot. He sent in a prescription to a compounding pharmacy who shipped a 2.5ml bottle of Sema to me a week later.
I'm prescribed 10 units once a week (Monday) for 4 weeks. After 4 weeks, the dosage bumps up to 20 units for 2 weeks.
This Monday will be my 3rd dose but I haven't noticed any change. I've had a very very light headache after the first dose and have pretty sever fatigue and possibly getting fuller sooner, but it's hard to tell.
Is this normal?
I have been working on portion control since starting.

I (25F) was in a relationship for 8 years and only got out of it 3 months ago, I have been living on my own and doing great and chatting with a few guys here and there but haven’t been out with any males since my breakup, and only ever slept with 3 guys in my life. About a month ago, one of my friends from my hometown gave me the contact info of a mutual friend (he’s 26M) and he’s been single for 4-5 months as well and currently works away but lives back in my hometown, which I visit 3-4 times a year but eventually plan to move back there once I have reason to (the money right now is good in my current town but it is very isolating). We have been talking everyday for a month, he told me I’m the only girl he’s spoken to since his breakup and we are planning on meeting in a few weeks when I visit home and he’s home on days off. We’ve been snap chatting and texting everyday and talking about hooking up but also hanging out and going to the cabin, having sleepovers etc. and he’s very nice and genuine. We have had the conversation of him not wanting to hurt me if we don’t end up dating, and that’s fine we have concluded that whatever happens happens, and he has asked my mutual friends about me and about dating me etc. but I am fine with whatever does happen as I currently don’t live back in my hometown at the very moment anyways.
My fear is that he will not like me once he sees me in person, he has seen my whole body on Snapchat and made it very clear he’s attracted to me and wants to sleep with me and tells me I’m pretty, etc. however I know photos are not the same as real life and I am very self conscious from my last relationship as my ex downtalked my appearance for years, as I did gain some weight after highschool but I’m not fat by any means, I’m tall and long blonde hair, blue eyes, nice teeth and I have a large chest area and a little bit of a belly area, but mainly top heavy due to my large *****. It’s eating away at me in fear of him being revolted once we meet and changing his mind about everything and I’m not sure how to get over this. It is to the point I am debating fasting to lose weight fast as possible before I go home in 16 days. Any advice or thoughts from men themselves would help here as my nerves are getting to me. Thanks :)
TL;DR Need advice on meeting new guy as my insecurities are eating away at me.

An outrageously poor diet, lifestyle, and past medications led to fatty liver disease and liver damage, which led to fluid buildup in my belly, which is called Ascites, which has a 5 year survival rate of 30-40%. My belly was the size of a 5 months pregnant woman. It was firm like a balloon, and had a higher protrusion at the top, and it would feel like it was going to pop when I took a deep breath. When my doctor looked at my MRI and told me, he didn't say what I should do. To me it felt like he thought, this guy is screwed, so why bother. That scared me straight.
I made big changes to my diet, and started working out at the gym. And this game was an important part of my fitness, as I depend on it when my legs needed to recover from high intensity cardio at the gym, and I need upper body cardio. And doing it through a game that's engaging and entertaining was the best way, as its something i've stuck to, and enjoy more as time goes by.
I need exercise daily as its a natural anti depressant, and it gives me energy. I feel crappy if I don't exercise at all. I've been at this for 13 months now and my belly is back to the normal size it was before I was diagnosed with those medical issues. And though most of the weight loss was from the diet changes, the 900 calories i'd burn per session from totf helped with that, along with my mental health. I've lost 20 pounds in the past month.
The first time I played, I was gassed by the end of the second round. Now I can play for an hour and a half, beating all the opponents consecutively, throwing 150 punches a round. Being able to TKO most of them, and knocking out the last opponents. I'm drenched in sweat after.
I'm also doing better in the game from technical skill. I never used to throw hooks because I threw them much slower than jabs, and I thought the game calculated damage just from speed. I didn't realize that it accounted for distance/momentum. So I worked on my hooks, getting them faster, and rotating my torse to load them up, and now its my money shot. I'm also working on crosses and uppercuts.
Also, I started paying more attention to defense. Bobbing and weaving, keeping my gloves up by my cheeks. Ducking and moving my head back. It also makes the game feel more realistic. After a fight I like looking at the stats to see how many punches the opponent missed.
I still have a lot more improvement to make. I still have more weight i'd like to lose, and I am going to move from challenger difficulty to champion.
Can't wait for the sequel.

The Penguins of Madagascar

"Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave."

The Penguins of Madagascar are four ordinary penguins turned secret commando team. Born in the frozen wasteland that is Antarctica, Skipper, Kowalski, and Rico spent their childhood in boredom, waddling along the ice with seemingly no destination in mind. They were constantly told by the rest of their colony that it was a dangerous world for a penguin, and something so "cute and cuddly" shouldn't take any risks. One day, the group witnessed a lone egg rolling down the snow towards an icy cliff. When they realized no one was going to help it, the three baby penguins leapt into action. They rescued the egg from certain doom, but in the process were separated from the rest of their group, stuck on a lone iceberg and floating towards an unknown future. It was that moment that Skipper, Kowalski, Rico, and the new hatching Private, became not only a team, but a family.
Fast forward a few years, and the Penguins of Madagascar have grown into a skilled group of elite commandos, partaking in various missions that have taken them all over the world, from New York to Madagascar to Africa to Europe. Over the course of their dangerous careers they have accumulated a wide variety of friends and allies. These range from the residents of the Central Park Zoo to the members of the spy agency North Wind. However they have also made no shortage of enemies, including Hans the Danish puffin, the Red Squirrel and the maniacal Dr. Blowhole.

Respect Threads

• Skipper
• Kowalski
• Rico
• Private
• Group Thread

Skipper

"Cute and cuddly, boys. Cute and cuddly."

Skipper is the leader of the group, devising tactics and gives orders. He is calculating, strict, paranoid, short-tempered, stubborn, and has a great disdain for hippies. Skipper's raving paranoia and tendency to view even the most ordinary activities as a military operation, combined with his experience in covert ops, has driven him to prepare for nearly any situation, no matter how bizarre or unlikely. While his antics do tend to alienate other animals outside of his commando team, more often than not his paranoia is proven justified, as he and his team have saved the world on multiple occasions.
Strength

• Slides into a metal door with enough force to dent it
• His punches shake a tree
• Forces open a giant alligator's jaws
• Crushes a golf ball with his flipper
• Throws a plastic unicorn toy with enough force for it to get stuck in a brick wall
• Repeatedly breaks himself out of a block of ice that was "Antarctic cold"

Speed/Agility

• Dodges a multitude of darts from a booby trap
• Dodges a large missile multiple times
• Dodges multiple lasers while charging towards an experimental laser turret
• Slides fast enough to stay ahead of Officer X's combat van
• Jumps over 1 1/2 stories onto a rising platform
• Bounces and flips around several lamp posts, rocks, and trees, eventually knocking out some pins with an explosive dive kick

Durability

• Gets kicked into a brick wall by Joey the kangaroo, cracking it
• Gets kicked high into the air by his evil android doppelganger, who was strong enough to crack concrete
• Kowalski's Nexto Skeleton knocks him through a bench with a rocket kick
• Gets pounded into the concrete by Bada
• Gets slammed into a concrete wall by Roger, creating a penguin shaped indention
• Falls through the roof of a plane mid flight
• Gets blasted into a stone wall by an explosion
• Gets shocked by the Zoo's new electric field
• For a short while, he walks across pavement that was hot enough to turn an egg to ash in 3 seconds
• After being buried alive, gets blasted through the dirt with a piece of dynamite and is perfectly fine

Skill

• Even while unconscious, his reflexes always keep him ready to fight
• Fends off the other penguins with relative ease
• Throws a playing card with enough accuracy to cut a four ropes keeping the penguins suspended in the air as well as a rope holding up a chandelier
• Throws a coin, which cuts two ropes and frees Maurice, bounces off a wall, cuts another rope and frees Mort, and finally bounces off another wall and turns off a light switch

Kowalski

"Okay Kowalski, wow me."
"Behold, a portal to times past. The Chronotron!"
"So, its a time machine?"
"Well, yes."
"So why not call it a time machine?"
"Sure, yeah. And while we're at it, let's call the Great Wall a fence, the Mona Lisa a doodle, and Albert Einstein Mr. Smarty Pants!"

Kowalski is the brains of the operation. He is a brilliant inventor, creating a multitude of different inventions and gadgets to help the penguins on their missions. If given enough time, there are few things that he couldn't invent. Unfortunately, most of the time his inventions cause serious trouble for the team, either falling into the wrong hands, turning against Kowalski, or just exploding. Not to mention, despite his intelligence, he cannot read (although he still carries around a clipboard to record drawings of their plans). He tends to over-analyze situations, trying to perfect every minute detail of a plan before he acts. This often causes the team more harm than if he would just act. That being said, he is still an invaluable member of the Penguins. Without him, they would simply be a couple of ordinary penguins that can do flips and karate chop people.
Strength

• Slides into a metal door with enough force to dent it
• Kicks a bowling ball with impressive velocity into Private's face
• Pulls down a bill board
• Digs through solid concrete with nothing but a plastic spoon

Speed/Agility

• Jumps over 1 1/2 stories onto a rising platform
• Dodges a multitude of darts from a booby trap
• Dodges several laser beams from the Penguins' lair security protocol
• Slides fast enough to stay ahead of Officer X's combat van
• Wall jumps several times to climb out of King Julian's fake volcano
• Dodges and weaves around several spotlights

Durability

• Gets pulled by Rico with enough force to dent a steel door
• His Nexto Skeleton knocks him through a bench with a rocket kick
• Gets crushed by a swinging wrecking ball and is fine moments later
• Gets crushed under a large boulder
• Gets blasted into the air by Rico's rocket launcher
• Gets shocked by 5000 volt electrical cables twice
• Gets his face torched by the Penguins' flamethrower
• After being buried alive, gets blasted through the dirt with a piece of dynamite and is perfectly fine

Skill

• Flips and dodges around several attacks from chameleon tongues while being blindfolded
• Throws his abacus, which bounces off of both Badda and Bing and then returns to him (similar to Captain America's shield)

Intelligence/Gadgets

• Invents a machine that can remove someone's intelligence and store it in a cardboard box
• Invents a fully functioning time machine, which he uses twice to travel back in time. When three Kowalskis exist in the same space it rips a hole in the fabric of the universe
• Built a thermo fusion reactor within the penguin's base
• Invents the Helmet, which allows the user to move object with their mind, as well as summon any object they think of to them at a moment's notice
• Builds an invisibility ray
• Makes a laser gun that can revert things to their younger, fresher state, which turns Skipper into a baby and eventually back into an adult
• Creates a device that can stop time, (anyone that is touching the device at the time he activates it will experience the stopped time)
• Builds a mech suit, which he dubs the nexto skeleton, that can fly, shoot missiles, is strong enough to life a large boulder over his head, and can even rebuild lost limbs out of seemingly nothing
• Builds a machine that can clone an exact replica of any living organism, as long as it has their DNA (which he uses to bring a dodo bird back to life)
• Built an anti gravity gun
• Hacks into a traffic light with relative ease

Rico

"B-but that shouldn't have worked! It breaks all known rules of science!"
"And that's why we call Rico a maverick. He makes his own rules."
[BLEH BL-BLAH BL-BLUH BLAH BLEH]

Rico is the group's weapons and explosives specialist who mainly communicates through grunts and squeals. With a stomach that defies reality, Rico swallows a plethora of useful tools and weapons and regurgitates them when needed, including ones that appear to be too large to have been swallowed in the first place. Rico has a few screws loose, so the other Penguins need to keep him on a tight leash lest he lose his mind in a dynamite filled frenzy. That said, Rico's love for explosions and destruction is an asset that Skipper has no problem letting lose on their enemies or any problem that the team may be facing.
Strength

• Breaks a fairly large hole through a brick wall
• Pulls Kowalski with enough force to dent a steel door
• Lifts an anvil over his head
• Bites through a lock
• Digs through concrete at an incredibly fast with two plastic spoons

Speed/Agility

• Jumps over 1 1/2 stories onto a rising platform
• Dodges several laser beams
• Dodges one of the Red Squirrel's missiles
• Kicks Kowalski into the air, and by the time he falls back down, Rico had already got into, started, and drove the penguins Buggy next to their base to catch him
• Cuts up a fish into perfectly sized bites of sushi in just over a second
• Climbs over the zoo's main gate in seconds

Durability

• Slams into a brick wall, cracking it
• Falls directly onto a rhino's horn
• Gets crushed by a falling elephant
• Falls through the roof of a plane mid flight and is completely unharmed
• A bomb explodes inside of his stomach and he barely reacts
• Is right next to where Kowalski shot his newly acquired plasma blaster on turbo setting, which caused an explosion powerful enough to blow a hole in their concrete ceiling (that same plasma blaster on medium setting was able to disintegrate a lamp post in a single shot
• Gets hit by a static shock that is strong enough to knock out the power in the Penguin lair
• For a short while, he walks across pavement that was hot enough to turn an egg to ash in 3 seconds
• After being buried alive, gets blasted through the dirt with a piece of dynamite and is perfectly fine

Skill

• Fends off both Skipper and Kowalski with nothing but a doll as a weapon
• Throws Marlene like a boomerang, bouncing her off of both Bada and Bing's heads and then catching her
• Shoots 3 fish out of the air with a crossbow

Swallowing/Regurgitation
Rico is able to regurgitate whatever Skipper needs as long as he has it locked away in his intestines. As soon as an object, weapon, or tool is needed he can produce it almost instantly.

• Spits up a stick of dynamite with a lit fuse and immediately regurgitates a flash light
• Spits out a grenade filled with knock out gas
• Regurgitates a massive missile which is far larger than he is
• Continuously regurgitates hook shots so he can swing from buildings like Spider-Man
• Spits a small anchor into the air with enough velocity to strike him in the head a couple seconds after it leaves his mouth
• Regurgitates a chainsaw with enough velocity to fly into the air and cut through a sewer pipe
• Fires screws fast enough for them to secure a metal door in place and keep Jiggles the slime contained
• Throws up a cinder block with enough force to send a leopard seal flying backwards

Private

"Private, options."
"Hello? I'm the options guy!"
"But not when it comes to matters of the heart. That's where young Private here shines."

Private is the emotionally sensitive, British-accented rookie of the Penguins of Madagascar. Though younger and less experienced than the other penguins, he is the most down to earth and compassionate. Private tends to offer simpler, more commonsense solutions in response to Skipper and Kowalski's complex strategies, often in an understated tone while those strategies are falling apart. He also has an affinity for unicorns.
Strength

• Slides into a metal door with enough force to dent it
• While underwater, he kicks a baby leopard seal which flies into an adult leopard seal, reversing its momentum
• Stops a massive leopard seal from falling off an icy cliff
• Hangs onto his golf club as he uses it to swing their golf cart around a tree

Speed/Agility

• Jumps over 1 1/2 stories onto a rising platform
• Dodges several darts shot out from one of Kowalski's booby traps
• Dodges several lasers from the Penguins' security system
• In the flash that Dave's monster ray is fired, he frees himself from his bindings and hides beneath a piece of machinery without anyone noticing
• Out swims a leopard seal for a short while
• Deflects a golf ball with his club
• Wall jumps multiple times to get to the top of the zoo's gates

Durability

• Gets karate chopped by Skipper to the ground
• After covering one of Rico's bombs with a bucket, he gets blasted through the roof of the zoo's security building
• Gets crushed between Skipper and a concrete wall after an explosion blasts Skipper into him, leaving a Private shaped indention in the wall
• Falls from the outskirts of the Earth's atmosphere and crashes to the ground below
• Gets dropped onto an electric fence by Savio
• For a short while, he runs across pavement that was hot enough to turn an egg to ash in 3 seconds
• After being buried alive, he gets blasted out of the ground by a piece of dynamite and is fine
• Falls into a pit of rusty bear traps, which mildly injures him

Skill

• Defends himself from Skipper's strikes and disarms him while blindfolded
• Defeats over a dozen of Dr. Blowhole's minions with ease
• Fires a dart gun, which bounces off of several objects and walls before eventually hitting the light switch and turning off the lights

Cuteness

• Unlocks what Kowalski calls "quantum hyper cute", which causes anyone who sees him to faint because their brains are overloading from the cuteness
• By using himself as a power source, his cuteness is able to reverse the affects of Dave's monster ray

Teamwork

• Push an elephant into a cage
• Using Rico as a battering ram, they destroy a brick wall
• Forming a penguin chain, Kowalski, Rico, and Private support the weight of an elephant
• Kowalski, Rico, and Private manage to hold Officer X's van in place while it tries to drive away
• Incapacitate Capitaine DuBois and her men, tying them up and launching them out of a canon
• Take on a small army of Dr. Blowhole's lobster minions

Gear

• Grenades
• Rocket launcher
• Flamethrower that is hot enough to melt a lamp post
• Laser pen which can cleanly cut through stone
• Grappling hooks
• Jetpacks gifted to them by the North Wind spy agency

Using the Penguins on WWW

While it may vary from episode to episode, the penguins are all around the same ballpark in stats and skill. They're pretty well rounded, being able to withstand blows that damage stone and metal walls and can dish out those same kinds of hits. On top of that, most have dealt with minor esoteric damage types like heat, electricity, and cold. While they're not too crazy speed wise, they're all capable of aim dodging lasers and can avoid slower projectiles like darts. Combine that with their absurd agility and small size and these four will be extremely difficult to hit for opponents that are on their physical level.
However, it's the areas outside of physical stats that let the penguins fight above their weight class. They're all capable in close quarters combat, with Skipper being the clear standout (though Rico and Private have both shown to be able to hold their own against him under the right conditions). Rico is a walking armory that will give them access to any weapon in their arsenal at any time, Kowalski has plenty of inventions that most opponents won't have resistances too, and Private's hyper cuteness could certainly catch their opponents off guard.
The best way to beat these four is to split them up and fight them individually. They've shown many times that they are far greater than the sum of their parts, engaging in hit and run tactics or using one of their various haxes to battle opponents above their weight class. Kowalski and Private in particular are vulnerable to losing their composures if things aren't going their way in a fight (though I wouldn't exactly call that a strength for Skipper and Rico either).

This post may contain spoilers for all the books
previous post
ch9 - Strangers in Carvahall (pt 2)

He resolved to punch Sloan the next time they met.

Does this happen? Because if it does, it's awesome.

Brom shrugged. “Simple curiosity. I learned you were in town and wondered if you had remembered the name of that trader.”

"I know that you lied Eragon and you really should think about hiding your dragon. It's serious and I am not going to let you forget that"
ch10 - Flight of destiny

Frantic, he blocked out Saphira’s emotions and watched her tail.

Again, really interesting how Eragon can do things like these with Saphira, but will have to learn to do it with everybody else later.
Saphira completely freaks out, her insincts kick in and she flies away with Eragon trying not to vomit on her back. It's sad because at the same time their house is getting burned, but she probably saved his life. Yeah, the period where you take care of her has ended, Eragon, now she takes care of you.

Determined to make her turn around, he grimly wormed into her mental armor. He pushed at its weak places, undermined the stronger sections, and fought to make her listen, but to no avail.

Yeah, that's what I am talking about. He instinctively knows what he has to do in order to break her mental wall.

Then he forced himself to look down. Two large blots darkened his wool pants on the insides of his thighs. He touched the fabric. It was wet. Alarmed, he peeled off the pants and grimaced. The insides of his legs were raw and bloody.

Well, thank you for the clarirfication in the last sentence, because it wasn't my first thought...

After he let go, Saphira rolled on her side, exposing her warm belly. He huddled against the smooth scales of her underside. Her right wing extended over him and enclosed him in complete darkness, forming a living tent. Almost immediately the air began to lose its frigidity.

He is in the middle of nowhere, bloodied, unable to walk, hungry, worried for Garrow, I probably shouldn't envy him as much as I do. In other surcumstances it would be a perfect way to sleep.
If you read until here a comment is always apprecaited!

Dr Jorden's expert testimony about the December 15th, 2015 incident from Disclosure of Expert Witnesses
Substance of Dr. Jorden's Opinion
Dr. Jorden will testify regarding the pathology of Amber's multiple injuries…Specifically, Dr. Jorden will testify that
(1) the injuries depicted in the photographs reviewed are consistent with Amber's description of the incidents of physical violence;
(2) Amber's description of her injuries is consistent with the type of injuries that would result from the recounted incidents of physical violence
_____________
AH'S DESCRIPTION OF THE DECEMBER 15TH INCIDENT

• I remember him getting on top of me at some point…he was hitting me in my face.
• Grabbing my hair…and dragging me up the stairs the rest of the way.
• By the second or third shove, he sent me toppling over… a little low-line sofa seat and I hit my head on the...exposed brick wall.
• I remember I stood up…shoved me back down,
• I stood back up again. This time, he hits me in the face.
• I stand back up and look him right in the eye…He balled up his fist, leaned back, and head-butted me square in the nose…slammed me right in the nose. Instantly, searing pain.
• We had another struggle…I was trying to get his body off of me...he was just pummeling me.
• I went down to the floor. I remember him being on top of me, and he was screaming and swinging at me while I was on the floor.
• He had me by the hair and dragged me the rest of the way from the office into the neighbouring apartment.
• I remember the door that connected these two rooms had…metal bottom, a metal floor that separated it, and a big heavy bank door. And I remember he was dragging me and I tried to grab onto the metal door to prevent him from dragging me into the room. But I couldn't stop him.
• I remember feeling the carpet and the metal, and he drags me up to the bed, throws me down onto the bed… And he kneels on my back with one leg.
• I was face down on the bed top…And he's punching me, punching me with a closed fist, punching me repeatedly.
• And then pounding the back of my head, pounding it with his fist.
• And I don't know how many times he just hit me over and over and over again,
• I couldn't breathe… I was suffocating in this pillow top with him holding me down, punching me over and over.
• I don't have any memory after that until I woke up.
• There was blood everywhere, blood all over those pillows.
• My head was bleeding from the ripped-out hair
• Chunks of my hair that Johnny ripped out while dragging me and punching me.

____________
Definitions provided by Dr Jorden
Blunt force trauma: physical trauma or impactful force to a body part resulting from an impact with a dull, firm surface or object. It is different from penetrating trauma, where an object pierces the skin.
Contusion: a region of injured tissue or skin in which blood capillaries have been ruptured. A contusion is a bruise.
Abrasion: rubbing or scraping of the surface layer of cells or tissues from the skin or from a mucous membrane.
______________
PHOTOGRAPHS REVIEWED BY DR JORDEN
Dr. Jorden considered the following photographs taken on December 16th -17th, 2015:
Photos taken on the 16th of December, 2015
Photo 1: 11:44 AM
Photo 2: 11:44 AM
Photo 3: 2:39 PM
Photo 4: 2:40 PM
Photo 5: 2:40 PM
Photo 6: 2:41 PM
Photos taken on the 17th December, 2015
Photo 7: 00:46 AM
Photo 8: 00:46 AM
Photo 9: 10:19 AM
Photo 10: 10:19 AM
Photo 11: 10:20 AM
ANALYSIS
Dr Jorden identified:

• A contusion under Amber's right eye, with very distinct purple and red discolouration
• Injury to the lower right lip
• An apparent streak of dry blood on the chin
• A red abrasion, scraping of the skin, in Amber's temple area hairline.

Dr. Jorden will opine that Amber's injuries from this event were caused by blunt-force trauma to the head.
The hairline abrasion appears to have been caused by an acute injury, which is consistent with Amber's description of events.
Not all abrasions result in swelling nor do they result in infection and the appearance of pus.
The photographs do not demonstrate evidence of traumatic alopecia; rather, the photographs show pink/red abraded areas in the scalp, and the hair follicles are intact.
_______________
AH'S TESTIMONY ABOUT THE PHOTOS
Photo 1: 11:44 AM
AH: It’s a few days later. My face is healing. (AH lied about when the photo was taken to explain the lack of injuries)
Photo 2: 11:44 AM
AH: I had a pretty gross bruise right in my head, my temple. Difficult to see it in this light, but I remember it was pretty ugly.
Photo 3: 2:39 PM
AH: This is my face with a busted lip, which is difficult to see in this picture, but my two black eyes, one is worse than the other…and my broken nose. (Dr Jorden only identified "a contusion under Amber's right eye", not "two black eyes". AH's lip injury doesn't appear until the following day, and Dr Jorden doesn't even mention AH's nose, let alone her "broken nose".)
Photo 4: 2:40 PM
AH: That's my face sometime after Johnny beat me up.
Photo 5: 2:40 PM
AH: This is my face sometime after.
Photo 6: 2:41 PM
EB: I'm just going to draw your attention to an area up here. What, if any, bruising did you sustain in that area? (EB drew big yellow circles on the photo around Amber’s “bruises” because there is nothing there to see)
AH: I had bruising on my temple, my chin, my neck, and the back of my head. I had swelling and pieces of my scalp...ripped, torn. They were gross, and pusey, but this is from the bruising around my temple from one of the blows. One of several blows. (None of the photos depict "bruising on AH's chin, neck, back of my head, or ripped/torn pieces of scalp)
Photo 7: 00:46 AM
AH: I think that's maybe that night or the next night after Johnny left me on the bed. (First appearance of lip injury. The lip is uninjured in photos 1-6)
Photo 8: 00:46 AM
EB: What’s portrayed on your lip?
AH: Well, he busted my lip when he punched me. It's bleeding in this picture. It kept reopening. You know, it's a mouth. Your lips move. (Streak of dry blood on the chin is for dramatic effect...wash your face Amber!)
Photo 9: 10:19 AM
AH: It's a picture of my bruised temple. Johnny had his hand on part of my face with my face down, and he was punching my head, repeatedly punching my head. That's what caused that bruise on my temple.
Photo 10: 10:19 AM
AH: This is my lip a few days later.
Photo 11: 10:20 AM
AH: That's my scalp with a chunk of it missing from when Johnny was dragging me by my hair. (Dr Jorden stated the photographs "do not demonstrate evidence of traumatic alopecia". But rather "pink/red abraded areas in the scalp and the hair follicles are intact".)
That doesnt line up with the testimony from AH who stated
"My head was bleeding from the ripped-out hair, chunks of hair on the floor, all over the place, actually. It was just all over the apartment.”
AH also testified that THIS PHOTO depicted “chunks of my hair that Johnny ripped out while dragging me and punching me”
Or Raquel Pennington's testimony
Q: What is this a picture of, Miss Pennington?
A: The picture is hair pulled back to show the abrasion on the scalp where hair has been removed.
Q: What is this a picture of, Miss Pennington?
A: It's a picture of a clump of Amber's hair on the black carpet in the bedroom, PH4, with my finger there to show the scale of the hair.
Q And how did you know that that was Amber's hair?
A: Hair had been ripped out of her head. This is the colour of her hair. It's her home.
_____________
It’s no wonder they scrapped calling Dr. Jorden to testify. After AH’s fictional fairytale of events, there is no way Dr. Jorden could testify in good conscience that the photos are consistent with AH’s description of events.

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Memory transcription subject: Governor Maulo of the Venlil Republic
Date [Standardized human time]: September 1st, 2148
[Day 25]
I couldn’t help but smile reading the police report. 120 yotul personnel were saved from Humanity First by an arxur of all things. It felt surreal to congratulate a gray on his heroic efforts, but I see now why President Mesu personally requested him. Aaron Clemont and two accomplices were confirmed dead, and using his holopad found at the scene we’ve begun tracking down other bases of operation.
I slid away the report, satisfied with the terrorists’ timely demises, and turned to an email from Mesu.
Dear Governor,
The experimental procedures to synthesize a vaccine of modified human immune cells was a rousing success in our first subjects. Dr. Silvon, as well as the infected personnel who were evacuated from the laboratory, have made miraculous near-overnight recoveries. They’re still far from cured, but we believe they will be healthy again in no time. Servaen has been forwarded a full report on the matter. It’s been a pleasure working paw-in-paw with you.
Ah, even better news. The research has finally yielded actual results. I’ll want to get this new vaccine rolled out as soon as possible, but I know the Sapient Coalition is not going to be happy that we went behind their back. I considered for a moment the likelihood of being impeached and swiftly decided my species’ salvation was far more important than my job. A notification pinged into my inbox, interrupting my thoughts. Speak of the devil.
Governor Maulo of the Venlil Republic, you are under suspicion of violating the Interstellar Species Rights Act of 2137, article 12, section 3: “Genetic modification, enhancement, or crippling of an individual and/or species without unanimous agreement among all representatives of the Sapient Coalition is to be considered a crime against sapience and heavily punished.” You are expected to attend a trial in the Interstellar Crimes Court on Saturday, September 6th, 2148 (HST). Failure to appear for the court hearing is automatic grounds for impeachment from your position as governor, and imprisonment.
Signed, Abdul Suresh, United Nations Secretary-General
“Fuck.”
“Governor?” Servaen knocked as he entered. “We’ve fully secured Ransu City, and as we speak several Humanity First headquarters are being raided by peacekeepers.”
I shook my head, expelling the feeling of impending doom before replying, “Good. Keep me updated on the situation. Let’s get these terrorists crushed before they can cause any more trouble.”
~~~
Memory transcription subject: Colin Mickson, UN Peacekeeper
Date [Standardized human time]: September 1st, 2148
[Day 25]
Through the windows of the assumed abandoned office building, we could see slight movement. The glass was tinted with grime, giving our snipers a tough time to discern bodies, so the ground team and I strapped up and got into position in front of the boarded-up entrance.
“Stand back,” Captain Harrison called, gripping the battering ram. I lowered the visor on my helmet, and the world shifted from stormy and dark, to bright as day with impeccable clarity. Two women tore the boards off the door with crowbars, then moved back to allow Harrison to start breaking it down.
I counted the impacts mentally. 1. 2. 3. 4- the door fell apart inward and we rushed forward. I scanned the room quickly, keeping my rifle trained wherever I glanced. “First room clear. Alpha team, move down the hallway to our right. Beta team, the left. Gamma stay put and make sure nobody slips past,” the captain’s voice crackled in my helmet’s headset. I followed my cohort to the right, which was a winding hallway that was supposed to wrap around the full diameter of the building, with a row of doors along the curved wall into the center of the dome-shaped office.
I kicked in the first door. There was a shuffle on the other side, a chair slid across the room and I immediately locked my gun on it. “D-don’t shoot!” a meek voice reverberated from where the chair came from. A human slowly stood, arms raised. He had a ring on his finger.
“Walk toward me slowly, hands raised, and don’t try anything,” I barked. A couple of other soldiers marched in, guns raised to make sure he didn’t try anything funny. When he was halfway across the room, he grabbed his waistband. I was quick enough to fire off a few shots, and his body crumpled to the floor. I searched around, checking under desks to ensure there weren’t any more, before finally declaring “First room clear, moving out.”
We pushed onward. “Second room clear,” “Third room clear,” all soon enough began crackling in my headset. We were now approaching the main office in the center of the building. We cleared another couple of storerooms and break rooms before meeting back with the Beta team at the back of the loop.
“Only 3 confirmed casualties,” Captain Harrison stated, “out of an estimated 50 potential terrorists in the building. If they’re anywhere, they’re gonna be in here.”
Our combined teams were now 30-strong. We’d be outnumbered if we weren’t armed better. The door to the office was hardly reinforced. Some hastily-implemented wood boards fell away quickly with the battering ram. Next thing we knew, we were charging into the heart of the dome.
Being the only entrance, we should’ve known they’d put most of their efforts into protecting it. The second that door opened there was gunfire. I knew by the sounds that they were just 9mm handguns. We ducked at the entrance, firing into the room where the Humanity First members were cowering behind overturned tables.
“Their cover isn’t bulletproof, aim for the tables,” I yelled.
We focused our fire, shredding them through the flimsy ‘protection’. Soon we cleared a path, and a couple of brave terrorists moved in to replace their fallen comrades, only to meet the exact same fate. I fired off a shot clean through the head of one, then hastily reloaded my rifle as the rest of the team moved through.
From behind a desk immediately out of our view jumped a human who blew apart a peacekeeper with a shotgun blast to the face, though he was very quickly dealt with.
The office was rows upon rows of dividers and workstations. The barriers looked about as flimsy as the desks, so we began firing through. We were ordered specifically that eliminating the organization is more important than taking them in. Despite my reservations about those orders, I fired through the walls anyway.
Anyone that dared even try to fire back was given a lead filling. I marched down along the rows, peering into workspaces to gauge the outcome of our massacre. Every station had at least two shredded corpses. I had the displeasure of finishing off a couple. One was quick enough to get a shot at me, the bullet hit my chest and knocked the wind out of me, and the assailant was shot down by another peacekeeper.
For another 6 hours, we swept the halls and rooms over and over, checking crawl spaces and vents. We concluded, at long last, that the headquarters was empty. We were among tens of simultaneous raids across the planet to wipe the Humanity First scourge out for good, and I was happy to report back home at the end of the day.
~~~
Memory transcription subject: Jakiv, Arxur scientist
Date [Standardized human time]: September 1st, 2148
[Day 25]
“Ooh, that one looks good on you,” Nuri chirped as I examined the dark purple jacket in the dressing room mirror. The marsupial insisted I try on just about every hoodie they had in the store, despite my distaste for a majority of them. The one I wore now was insulated with fluff that trapped body heat exceptionally well, keeping me nice and toasty.
“I supposed,” I muttered, putting my hands in my front pockets. I put the hood over my head and yanked the drawstrings.
“Look at that, you can still be all moody in it,” the yotul giggled.
“I’m really going to miss the old one though,” I replied, taking off the article and setting it in the stack with the others. I involuntarily grimaced at my visage in the mirror. I was shirtless, showing off my ribcage that poked out beneath my scales, and the skin that barely clung to my bones. The glimmer of the metal was more extreme around the 6 new dents on my body from the bullets. I wrapped my arms around myself shivering.
“Hey,” Nuri spoke, “How about this one?” she held a folded black hoodie similar enough to my old one, with a lighter gray for highlights that streaked down the arms from the hood. I ran a claw along the inside before slipping into it. It was snug, I almost didn’t notice it wasn’t made for an arxur.
“Where’d you find this one?”
“The human section.”
“We weren’t looking there to begin with?”
The marsupial shrugged. “Do you like it?”
It was baggy enough to make me look bulkier, exactly what I wanted out of a jacket. “I love it,” I concluded. Nuri smiled, taking me by the arm to the checkout. The yotul manning it had been keeping a very close eye on me the entire time I was in the story. Poor guy.
“Th-that’ll be 15 credits,” he mumbled, scanning the hoodie and passing Nuri the chip scanner.
Before she could pay for it, I managed to slip my credit chip into the device. I was getting better at beating the overzealous marsupial to the punch! “Hey! I told you I was paying!”
“I don’t think so,” I shook my head and slid the chip into my new hoodie’s pocket and put it on.
We exited the store, the midday air was warm and humid. I never cared for moisture, so I was glad to retreat into Nuri’s car. She punched in her home address and we cruised past the historic town square.
“Y’know, I’ve been thinking a bit,” I stated.
“That’s new,” Nuri remarked.
“Y’know, I don’t have to tell you about it.”
“Okay, okay, my bad,” she smiled. “What’s on your mind, Jaki?”
“When I first got here, I got to have a chat with Mesu. I tried to make it very clear I was only here for work, not to make friends.”
“Well good going,” Nuri giggled.
“Yeah,” I mused, “I guess that fell through. But I’m not too confident I’d be allowed citizenship on Leirn, as much as I want it.”
The yotul cocked her head, “They’d be fools not to let you stay,” she said. “Besides, you clearly haven’t been keeping up with the news lately.”
“Wait, what do you mean?” She popped open the car’s center console and withdrew her holopad. It opened to a news site with big, bold words that my translator got to work deciphering. “Hero arxur saves over a hundred in terrorist attack… I thought you weren’t going to put me in the news.”
“I said I wasn’t going to use our friendship as an easy promotion. This is a lot different,” the marsupial scrolled down to a photograph of me taken when we hit the bar right after. I had bullet holes in my hoodie and a drink in my hand.
“Hero arxur…” I murmured, “hell of an oxymoron.”
She smacked my arm with her paw, forgetting how hard my scales were, then waved it in pain. “Aw! Shit!”
“Oh don’t hurt yourself,” I grinned.
“Don’t rag on yourself either,” she retorted, “You deserve way more respect than I can put into the news. I hope this at least means you’ll get less shit out on the streets.”
The car began slowing down in front of her house, which was quickly becoming my home too. I haven’t even stepped foot in that hotel Mesu got me in a good few days. We got inside and I flopped down on the couch immediately, the comfortable cushions were inviting after a long day of shopping.
“So, when are you going back to work?” Nuri asked, sitting down next to me.
“Eh, I don’t know. Whenever the lab is considered ‘safe’ again. They outsourced the vaccine’s development to some place in Olsa.”
“Aw, that sucks.”
“Nah, not even. Just means I got more time to hang out with you,” I smiled.
“Yeah, I guess that’s true. Well, I’m gonna order dinner. You want anything in particular?”
“Hmmm… maybe harchen,” I growled.
“Shut the fuck up,” the marsupial laughed.
~~~
I woke up to the sound of my holopad buzzing. The house was silent, and the time was 2 am. I rubbed sleep from my eyes and yawned before the contact ID instantly awakened me. I got up from the couch, careful not to step on Nuri who was soundly asleep curled up in blankets on the floor.
I slipped into the bathroom and hit answer. “President Mesu,” I exclaimed surprised.
“Jakiv,” he began cordially, “Congratulations on your research, and for making the news.”
“I- uh, thank you,” I responded awkwardly.
“Once everything with the vaccine is said and done, you’re set to leave Leirn on the 8th,” the yotul stated.
“Oh,” I couldn’t hide the disappointment in my voice, “I actually… can we talk a bit about that?”
“Sure,” he replied.
“Well, I know I said I didn’t come here to make friends, and I certainly didn’t come here to save lives, but I-” I quickly glanced at the bathroom door. I couldn’t hear anything outside it, and prayed Nuri was still asleep, “I met someone here that I don’t think I can live without. She’s my best friend- my only friend, and I really want to stay. For her,” I breathed.
“You… want to stay on Leirn?” he asked incredulously. I nodded. He scratched his furry chin for a second, I worried he was set on sending me away regardless, but then, “Okay. I’ll forward you the immigration forms.”
“You will?” I gasped.
“Of course. You’ve done Leirn and Skalga a great deal of service. I’m honored you’ve found a home here, Jakiv.”
“Thank you so much, Mesu!” I felt myself getting teary-eyed.
The marsupial nodded, “Thank you. Now then, you look tired. Go get some rest,” his visage flickered and dematerialized. I was left in the bathroom alone. I looked myself in the mirror and smiled at the form reflected back at me.
I opened the door and-
“Nuri!” I cried, startled. She wordlessly wrapped her arms around me. I reciprocated, putting mine around her and relishing the moment.
“I’m so happy for you,” she whispered.
“Thanks,” I smiled, “I did it for you.”
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Disclaimer: this isn't a post that will have tons of measurements and data, just experiences from a normal guy listening to music and playing games.
I purchased a pair of these cans on Amazon to see how they are mostly because I wanted a new high quality set of headphones in my arsenal to recommend to people who are just starting out or don't want to spend hundreds on headphones. For reference, my usual sets are a pair of HD800s for gaming and treble heavy music genres and a pair of Focal Clear OGs for general music listening, so that's my frame of reference that I'm going to be 'comparing to'. It isn't apples to apples since the JT1s are closed back, but still going to relate the experiences together. This will all be concerning out of the box, unequalized sound for the JT1s and Oratory profiles for the HD800s/Clears. Using a Schiit Magni Heresy/Modi 3 stack w/ adapter. Haven't tried on my Rog Ally/Phone yet to see how they do w/ the standard 3.5mm through a phone/handheld onboard DAC and I plan to pass them through my Qudelix and Fiio wireless DACs at some point too, maybe will edit this post when I have spent some time with that.
Outright tl;dr: I am very impressed.
For Music: Honestly pretty crazy for the price. Doesn't have the same open sounding stage as the HD800s (as anyone should expect), but the bass punches harder and the sound is overall extremely pleasing to my ears. They fall apart a bit in fast paced songs with a lot going on but for me they never sound as what I'd classify as 'bad' or 'cheap'; I can still make out most or all of the instruments without having to strain my ears and focus too hard, and I haven't listened to any songs in my library (rock, pop, classical, metal, some country; Polyphia sounds great on these which is usually my main personal benchmark for headphones) that I can say were let down or degenerated by the quality of these headphones. I'll state again: the bass is great. Out of the box it's the perfect amount of bass for me but with some EQ fiddling you can turn these into some skull rattlers if you're into that sort of thing. Don't feel like I'm losing anything on the high end and vocals are crisp and clear. Will say that things like synthesizers/pianos sound a bit muffled and 'in the back' but they aren't totally muted.
For Gaming: So coming from the HD800s, it's kind of crazy how good they are. I'm not a Master level player in any competitive games however I can hear all the audio cues clear as day including footsteps with pretty amazing positional accuracy for such a cheap pair of cans. I don't get the same 'standing outside at an open air concert' feeling as I do with the HD800s but that is only to be expected; considering how these are closed back and 1/25th~ the price, the fact that they sound anywhere remotely close to good is already nutty to me. I live mostly in MMOs and single player RPGs/action games and I have no complaints. Would absolutely recommend these to anyone who doesn't mind the fact that they're wired headphones over any gaming headphones on the market (wireless I'd still go for the Maxwells).
General observations: The included cable isn't winning any awards but I'm just going to say that I actually like it way more than the one that came with the HD800s, so there's that. The fact that they included a 3.5 to 1/4 adapter is a nice touch and I appreciated it, I've had more expensive headphones that don't do that. Earcups are pretty great too, I don't feel immediately compelled to go try to buy some replacement pads that probably cost almost as much or more than the headphones themselves. I also enjoy the ski band style one size fits all headbands on headphones, and this is no exception. Overall they do feel pretty light and not particularly premium but what else would you expect? There's more metal in their construction than I'd expect though I still feel like I need to be careful with these as to not break them. Will see how they stand up long term.
Overall, very impressed with these and they'll be my new default recommendation for audiophile amateurs and even people who are already into it and just don't want to dump tons of cash into headphones. I struggle to think of any other headphones that I've tried personally that are this cheap (mine were $65 w/ tax on Amazon) and performant. They may just well be my new regular on-the-go and travel headphones. Biggest thing I can think of to say negative: they're hard to get. Amazon is constantly out of stock and AliExpress prices are high. I'm not claiming they're perfect, there's some flaws and obviously this is a very subjective hobby, but to my tastes and musical preferences they blew me away for the price and honestly I would expect this kind of sound out of a $300+ pair of headphones.
Have a guddun.

1. Shantae and the Seven Sirens
2. Shantae (GBC)
3. Shantae and the Pirate's Curse
4. Shantae: Half Genie Hero
5. Shantae: Risky's Revenge.

This is long so prepare some popcorn. And SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS
Let's start from the bottom, Risky's Revenge: This game feels VERY unfinished. The GAME OVER screen is just a slap-on of hot bod of Risky Boots because it was in the original game. The original game had great music in the GAME OVER screen while the camera pans up to Risky's hot bod but in Risky's Revenge, it feels forced. The music is boring as all hell, except for the desert music maybe. The music sometimes fades out to nothing and then restarts the loop (Sounds very amateur and takes me out of the immersion). It's like the devs forgot how to seamlessly loop music. There are only 2 good labyrinths out of 3 and the 2nd one is just an arcade battle and a timer. sigh Disappointed esp. after playing original Shantae. The ending also felt eeehhh... forced. Also, the sound effects sounded very childish to me and very annoying but that's just me.
Half-Genie Hero: Although I somewhat enjoyed this game esp after the long awaited belly dancing, which I love in this game, the game is more Mario-like than Metroid-like, meaning, it's more side-scrolly, and has levels that you complete and then kinda just forget about... kinda, and sometimes forces you into a moving screen which I don't like. Just let me move my Shantae wherever I want. I want her to explore. Music was kinda ehhh in this one too. But the desert theme and the last phase of the last boss theme, I like.
SPOILERS Pirate's Curse: I ABSOLUTELY ENJOYED THIS GAME. The lead up to the pirate master was just phenomenal. Reading the title, "and the Pirate's Curse", oooooo, it just invokes fear. What pirate? Risky? No, can't be her. Someone else. I love the dialogue art, the music was better in this game esp. in the latter part of the game. Music is very important to me. Kinda hard to find a Shantae game that has music that fits areas but this game did a better job (ie. Cackle Tower's music). Pirate Master looks SUPER SIC. (Spelled s-i-c and no k) That's how sic he looks. And the sound effects he makes is so menacing. Me, being male, I obviously enjoyed the dungeon where Shantae and her friends are locked up wearing interesting clothing let's say. I kinda wish though that the music sounded more Egyptian there but it's to be expected since music in most Shantae games don't fit environments well like the Metroid games do. Also, I missed Risky Boots sprite in this game. She doesnt look like a demon like she does in HGH or SS. I have some more nit-picks with the game but the good overwhelm the bad.
Shantae (GBC): This was actually my favorite game until I played Seven Sirens for obvious reasons, but I appreciated the game for what it was. The music was way more memorable to me since even though there were hardware limitations which forced my ears to listen to square waves all game. But because of those hardware limitations, it forced the composer, Jake Kaufman, to get really creative. And he blew a lot of die hard gameboy fans away. I missed the dialogue SOUND EFFECT when you press A or B to advance to the next text of dialogue. It sounded very Egyptian. (Just minor things can make a difference). And thats what I missed about the GBC Shantae. It felt more Egyptian to me. Esp. the music for Scuttle Town. The music is subtle, consistent, and fitting, not mixed in with all sorts of other effects that butcher the theme for me like the sequels do. The Dribble Fountain music is probably my fav song in the entire series because it fits the area well, sounds adventurous and mysterious which is what Seven Sirens brought back. But Dribble Fountain was good because Risky Boots was there and it played her awesome theme which I really miss (although some sequels have it but doesn't sound as cool). But anyway, Dribble Fountain's music sounds so memorable. But she talks to you and whatevs and then she falls down a little tube and it closes up with a purple block. And right when the GUI appears, the first notes of the mysterious music plays at the same time. It sent chills down my spine. And then the bass comes in. Also the Cave music I miss. But Seven Sirens' cave music sounds cooler. This game also is home to most themes that were remixed and butchered in the sequels imho. Also, I miss Risky's look. Red blade, red eyes, pale skin, and hot animation, and also the poses that the characters make while talking. Ahhhhhhh. Now Seven Sirens.
Seven Sirens: This game was hard to put in first esp. after enjoying Pirate's Curse and Shantae GBC (I played the Shantae games in order though but u know what I mean). The Shantae anime-styled animation when you boot up the game was so good. And then the MENU MUSIC WOOOOO!!! The menu music in this game felt so mysterious and it's what I missed from the original Shantae. It filled me with 18,000 spirits of adventure whatever that means. The cave music has it to. And I just stop walking and running and sit in the cave and listen. This is what the Metroid games had and I really love it. I really love the GUI of the menu. Looks like some Kirby games or Smash 64's menu. It has that nostalgic look to it. Even when in-game, when you pause, the screen goes dark-green and that nostalgic menu pops up. It sends chills down my spine if when paused, I'm in a cave with that menu or secret area music playing in the background. Ahhhh. This game plays very close to the original in that it has separate towns with different people to talk to from each town. This game plays way more like Metroid than the other Shantae's despite most of them being listed under Metroidvania. Risky's sprite still looks like a demon but I love her dialogue art. The music can be very reliant on the chiptune which is what I loved about the GBC one, but some of them can sound annoying. But the music was memorable nonetheless. But I really loved the Mossy Biome music, the Half Genie music when you're about to get the Fusion coin. Sounds like the cave music but it sounds so good to my ears and it plays consistenly when you're about to get another fusion coin. And i just stop and stare at the animation of the half genie who's locked in a cage that Shantae has to save while I listen to this music almost non-stop. Also love the Squidsmith theme. Kinda missed the Squidsmith's angry look though from Pirate's Curse before she crushes the squids. And kinda wish the music for when she smashed them was a bit more on the mean side (or sound). Boss music kinda sounds weak though, esp. in the beginning. Even the last boss theme, very forgettable but hey, you can't gave everything ehh?? Wrong. Super Metroid did it and that's what most Shantae games are based off of.
TL;DR - Actually read it. Take breaks if you have to.