(An animation shows black and white clouds parting)
Charles: (Off-screen) Once upon a time, there was a glowing city protected by golden gates known as Heaven. It was ruled by beings of pure light. Angels that worshipped good and shielded all from evil. Lucy was one of these angels. She was a dreamer with fantastical ideas for all of creation. But she was seen as a troublemaker by the elders of Heaven. For they felt her way of thinking was dangerous to the perder of their world. So she watched as the angels began to expand the universe in their ways. From the dust of Earth, they created Eve (I couldn't think of a female name that looked like Adam) and Lilian. Equals as the first of mankind, but despite this, Eve demanded control and Lilian refused to submit to her will. He fled the garden. Drawn in by his fierce independence, Lucy found him and the two rebellious dreamers fell deeply in love. Together, they wished to share the magic of free will with humanity, offering the fruit of knowledge to Eve's new groom, Adam, who gladly accepted. But this gift came with a curse. For the single act of disobedience, evil finally found its way into Earth. With it, a new realm of darkness and sin. And the order Heaven had worked to maintain was shattered. As punishment for their reckless act, Heaven cast Lucy and her love into the dark pit she had created, never allowing her to see the good that came from humanity, only the cruel and the wicked. Ashamed, Lucy lost her will to dream. But Lilian thrived, empowering demon-kind with his voice and his songs. And as the numbers of Hell grew, so did its power. Threatened by this, Heaven made a truly heartless decision. That every year, they would send down an army, an extermination to ensure Hell and its sinners could never rise against them. But Lilian's hope remained. And his dream was passed down to their precious son, the Prince of Hell. (The prince shuts the "Story Of Hell" book) (On-screen) Don't worry, Dad. I'll make you proud. (He holds a key)
Vagner: Charles?
Charles: Augh! (The key turns into a cat) Oh, shit. Did you hear all that?
Vagner: Uh... Yeah, I was right there.
Charles: Sorry. I get worked up after an extermination happens. This story helps.
Vagner: (chuckles) I know. Don't worry. I enjoy your theatrics. Are you okay?
Charles: I'm fine, just...Thinking, ya know, family stuff.
Vagner: Did you hear from your dad yet?
(Charles shakes his head saying no)
Vagner: Oof. How long has it been now?
Charles: Not that long, only...Seven...Years...Off something important, I'm sure. But this kingdom was something he really cared about. Something I care about.
Vagner: Well, at least you aren't alone.
Charles: I just hope what I'm trying to do here will work.
Vagner: It will. I have faith in you.
(The cat hopes on Charles)
Vagner: All right. Come on. Alice says she has something to show us.
(Vagner heads to the door and Charles look out of the window and see Hell on fire and goes)
(A commercial plays)
Alice: Well, hello there you wayward sinner. Do you like blood, violence and depravity of a sexual nature? Of course you do. That's why you're in Hell! But what would you say there was a place to stay that had none of that? Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, a misguided path to redemption! Founded five days ago by Lucy's delusional son Charleson Morningstar! Come place your fate in his inexperienced hands as he tries to work through his mommy issues by fixing you! Here, we offer fun thing! Such as somewhat functional staff! And 24 hour Pest Control! Custom rooms, and just look at this tacky parlor! Enjoy riveting conversation with our singular resident. Wow! All this and more at the Hazbin Hotel! You last desperate attempt at salvation starts here.
(The tv suits off)
Alice: So, what'd ya' think?
Vagner: I'm sorry, what the fuck was that?!
Charles: Uh, yeah, one note...Alice, I mean...First off, thank you so much for making this, seriously, amazing, but um...Maybe the tone is a bit...Off? We want people to want to come here, this makes it look...Ummm...
Vagner: Bad. The word you're looking for is "bad".
Alice: Funny, I was going for hilarious!
Vagner: It didn't explain anything about how we're trying to save demons from extermination, which is the whole fucking point.
Charles: Vagner is right, Alice. The commercial was to let sinners know we are trying to help them.
Alice: Well, my dear, I haven't been active in Hell for some time, and everyone remembers me from my radio show! The proper medium to express oneself! But YOU insisted on this noisy picture box adversiment! So I had a little fun with it.
Vagner: Oh, fun? You had a little fun with it? (Stand on the sofa) Well, this is not what we want to represent us. When you showed up here a week ago, you told us you would help run the hotel! Instead, you're mocking us. Nobody's going to want to come to a place that a powerful overlord like you thinks is a waste of time!
(A demon on a sofa raises her hand)
Vagner: What?
Angela: If'n ya filmin' a commercial, can I suggest you take better advantage of the talented celebrity you have right here?
Vagner: Angela, you're a porn star.
Angela: A famous porn star. I'll have the horniest sinners knockin' these walls down to get in.
Vagner: We are not filming a porn as a commercial.
Angela: Why not? Sex sells, don't it? I swear if you film me goin' at it with mistress fancy-talk-creepy-voice here, you'd rollin' in participants willin' to stay at this tacky hotel.
Alice: Haha! Never going to happen!
Charles: Angela, I appreciate you wanting to use you special skills to, um, attract folks to the hotel, but...I really don't want to exploit you, in that way!
Angela: Oh, please, baby. This body was made to be exploited. I got the arms, I got the stamina, I got the legs. I got the lung capacity-- Oh-oh I got the legs! The gag reflex, the holes...
(Charles laughs uncomfortably and his phone rings with his mom calling)
Angela: The small tits that make everyone think I'm a man...
Charles: Uhhh, hold that thought. I'll be right back! (Walks away)
Angela: I could keep goin' all night, baby.
(Charles breathes and answers the phone)
Charles: Hello? Mom?
Angela: Hey, I have a question. If freaky face over there is so powerful, then why can't she just make people stay here?
Alice: Oh, trust me, (ominously) I can!
Hisky: Why the hell do you think I'm here?
(The camera goes to Hisky at the bar)
Hisky: You actually think I'd be cleaning bottles and listening to you fuck's bitches moan all the time if she wasn't forcin' me?
Niffter: I like being forced!
Hisky: Keep that to yourself, Niff.
Angela: What, you don't like being here with me, Whiskers?
Hisky: Call me "Whiskers" again and I'll that bottle down your throat.
Angela: Kinky. But I like pussies. But keep talkin' dirty.
Vagner: Ugh, Angela, let Hisky do her job. And no, we can't force sinners to stay here. They need to choose to.
Angela: I'm choosing to be here, and I think is all stupid. We're in Hell, toots. It's kind of the end of the road, ain't it?
Vagner: Well, maybe it doesn't have to be. Just because nobody has made it before doesn't mean is not possible. (Angela pust her arm in his shoulder)
Angela: Hey, whatever means I can keep crashin' here rent free. Crack is expensive.
Charles: (excitedly) Yeah, I can! Totally. Yeah, I'll head over there right away...Okay. (Turns off the phone) Hah! YES! YES!! Hahahaha!! Vagner! Holy shit!
Vagner: Ahh! What?!
Charles: (through closed mouth) Get over here!
(Vagner sighs and goes to where Charles is)
Vagner: What's going on?
Charles: (Inhales) My mom just called. She said that the leader of the Angel Army wants to meet. She asked if I could go instead. (Breathes deeply)
Vagner: But... But...But the extermination just happened. What would they want this soon after...
Charles: (Singing) I can do this. Somehow, I know it I'll get Heaven behind my plan!
Vagner: Charles, hold on.
Charles: There's just no way I could blow it. Not this once a lifetime change!
Vagner: It's just a meeting.
Charles: To change their minds. And touch their hearts. Or whatever angels have.
Vagner: This could be bad.
Charles: Cheer up, Vagner. This could be swell. Something tells that today will be a happy day in Hell!
Vagner: Okay, but just don't... sing to them.
Angela: That motherfucker is halfway down the street.
Vagner: Is he...
Angela: Oh, he's dancin'.
Vagner: Ugh, no.
Charles: There's a warm fuzzy feeling that wafts through the air! Every street so revealing it's hard not to stare. It's a realm so appealing it beats anywhere! If you don't mind the smell! It's a happy day in Hell! Hi, miss!
Demon: Go fuck yourself!
Dead Sinner #1: There's a endless trash fire that's burnig my soul!
Charles: Hello!
Imp: There's a lot of barbed wire to shove in her holes!
Charles: Uh, excuse me...
Executioner: Doing what is required we all have a role!
Dead Sinner #2: I'm not doing well!
Ensemble: Another shitty day in Hell!
Charles: If I can show them the dream I've dreamed, that any soul can change!
Vagner: Those angels minds are hard to change!
Charles: Then they know that everyone can be redeemed from the evil to the strange!
Vagner: They're bloodthirsty and deranged!
Charles: I can hear all their stories, the lost and the displaced! And I know that they're of an acquired taste! But if I open the door and give them a place at my Hazbin Hotel it'll be a happy day in Hell! (Jumps in the back of a truck) From the porn studio where the cinephiles go to watch award winning demon bukkake shows to the Cannibal Town where they don't wear a frown 'cause...Holy shit, ew, my gosh, why?! And I don't give a crow that her brains got in my eye! Cause I know I can spare them from Heaven's genocide! I can do this...
Dead Sinner #1: There's an endless trash fire...
Charles: I just know it! Dead Sinner #1: That's burning my soul!
Chorus: Ahhhhhhhhhh!
Charles: I'll get Heaven behind my plans! There's just no way I could blow it!
Demon Sinner #3: I kinda like the barbed wire that's shoved in my hole!
Charles: Not this once in a lifetime chance! To change their minds!
Trenchcoat Demon: And touch my parts!
Charles: Oh...No, thank you. I'm just gonna...Fullfill my destiny!
Trenchcoat Demon: Your loss fucker!
Charles: I can already tell! Today is gonna be a fucking happy day in Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell! (Charles enters at the lobby) Hello? (echoes) Hello? Creepy...(He goes to the reception, rings the bell in the table and a paper and a feather pen appear in front of him) Oh, okay! Also creepy. (Signs the paper)
(Elevator doors open, Charles goes to them and enters in a dark room)
Charles: Hello? Is anyone here?
(The lights turn on)
Eve: 'Sup?
Charles: Holy shit! (Falls in the floor and gets up) Hi, I'm Charles. My mom asked if I could meet you.
Eve: Yeah, I know.
Charles: Okay, well, it's nice to meet you. (Stands his hand)
Eve: Totally. Nice to meet you, too. (Stands her hand)
(Charles hand passes through Eve's hand)
Charles: Ahh!
Eve: Ha! I fucking got you! Did you fuckin' see that?
(Luther shaves his head in yes)
Eve: Good shit!
Charles: Uh, so wait, you aren't here?
Eve: No, you think I'd come down there? (Laughs) No. I mean, I love the vibe, totally, I love your tunes. Pretty fuckin' hardcore, don't get me wrong. But, it's such a bummer, man. Everything down there's just so "eugh" ya know? (Chuckles) Ew.
Charles: Right. So I'm happy we got this opportunity to meet. There's a project I've been working on that I really want to talk to you about...(Eve puts her finger in his mouth)
Eve: Hey, hey, hey, slow down. We got time. How about we get to know each other, mm? How about some lunch? You hungry? I got you! (Shows a plate with ribs) Here's my personal favourite. You'll love it.
Charles: Uh, thanks! (His arms passes through the plate of ribs)
Eve: (Laughing) I got you again, fucker! Haha fuckin' hilarious! Haha!
(Back at the Hazbin Hotel, everyone is at the lobby)
Vagner: Okay, so Charles is dealing with something very important, so while he's gone, we are making a new commercial. One that representants his vision and what we're doing here. So we need a camera. Alice?
(Alice snaps her fingers and an old camera appears in Vagner's hand)
Vagner: A video camera.
Alice: Hmmm. (Snaps her fingers)
(A video camera appears in Vagner's hand)
Vagner: All right, let's do this!
(Vagner films Angela sitting at the bar)
Vagner: And...Action!
Hisky: "Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, can I help you with anything?"
Angela: "I've been a bad girl. And I need a big strong mommy to put me in my place...On the path to redemption!"
Hisky: Ugh! "Well, you come..."
Angela: "Oh yes!"
Hisky: (boredly) "To the right place!"
Vagner: Cut! Okay, Angela, I need you to be less horny, if possible. And Hisky, can you maybe not have a script in front of your face?
Hisky: (Angrily) I ain't no actress, I can't memorize this shit!
Angela: Well, we could improve this shit, baby cakes! (Purrs seductively and Hisky push her out of the counter) Ahh!
Hisky: Whoops. (Drink a bottle)
Vagner: Hisky, come on!
(Meanwhile, Charles is bored)
Eve: So I was playing this gig, and for some fucking reason this virtue boy was digging on the drummer, and it's like, do you know who I am? I'm fucking Eve. I'm the original pussy! All pussies descend from me. You think you like a drummer pussy? No way, I'm the Pussy-fucking master! (Eats sloppily) So anyway, then we fucked, and it was awesome. What'd you do this weekend?
Charles: Wait, your name is Eve? Like the first woman? That means you...Ohhh...(Enlightened) That explains so much.
Eve: I know. I fucking rock.
Charles: Well, Eve, ma'am. Mrs. Eve, ma'am.
Eve: Call me Pussymaster.
Charles: Eve, you seem like a smart...well, stand up girl.
Eve: (With the finger in her teeth) Uh-huh.
Charles: And I know you are the leader of the angels. And you are a bigger revolutionary, a...A genius!
Eve: I maen, your words, babe.
Charles: Who would really her name on something.
Eve: Fucking love putting my name on shit! Shit's the best!
Charles: It's a solution to our biggest problem!
Eve: Oh, herpes. Yeah, that's a bitch.
Charles: No! Our other biggest problem.
Eve: Oh, uh...Ugly people? (Looks at the camera) Math? Global warming? Nah, wait that's Earth's problem. Umm...
(At the hotel, a bug walks in the floor and a needle tries to stab it saverel times)
Niffter: Hehehe. Stab. Stab. Stab.
Vagner: Alright Niffter. Niffter? Niffter! (Stops him) Your line is "We have the cleanest rooms". Okay?
Niffter: Got it. I'm ready.
Vagner: (Turns on the camera) Action!
(Niffter looks at the camera with his pupil constricted and Angela and Vagner look at him confused and he keeps staring weirdly)
Vagner: Uhh...Cut. (Turns off the camera)
(Niffter smiles again)
Niffter: (Giggles) How was that?
Vagner: Well, Niffter, you actually have to say the line. So let's roll again.
Niffter: Okay!
Vagner: Action. (Turns on the camera)
(Niffter stares deeply at the camera)
Angela: You're doing great, Vagina!
Vagner: Cut! Alright, um, maybe wr can try to fix it in the post.
Angela: Do you even know what that means?
Vagner: (Angrily) I'll figure it out!
(In the lobby, Vagner is watching the video with the camera connected to the tv)
Hisky: (On TV) Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel.
(Vagner groans, covers his eyes and Alice appears in his side)
Alice: Seems like you're having a bit of trouble there, hm?
Vagner: Ugh, esta pendeja...Why are you even here?
Alice: For the entertainment! I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and fail spectacularly. Like you are doing now! Good job!
Vagner: (Turns on the camera) And here is Alice, the egocentric piece of shit that...
(Alice gets static on the camera and it starts to spark and Vagner screams and knocks the camera down)
Alice: I wouldn't try that, my darling. (Sinisterly) This face was made for radio.
Vagner: (Gets angry) That's it! I don't care who or what you are! If you are staying here you are going to make this work! Beause it won't be so "entertaining" to watch an empty hotel will it, shit ass?! (Turns around and walks away)
Alice: Fair enough. I'll tell you what. Let's make a deal.
Vagner: Pft! You think I'm that stupid? Making a deal with a demon like you.
Alice: Not for your soul, just a simple deal. I do this for you, and you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology ever again. Or...Charles can come back to absolutely nothing! Your choice.
Vagner: (Sighs) Fine. (Gets the video camera and raises in Alice's hand and green ghosted skulls fly around it)
Alice: Now then! (Makes the camera disappear and snaps her fingers)
(Angela, Hisky and Niffter, a lot of filming materials and a ghost recording team appear in the lobby and everyone gets tailor clothes)
Vagner: Alright, everyone! Let's make a fucking commercial.
(Meanwhile)
Eve:...When you take him out for the fifth time and he still expects you to pay the check, but you're like, (In deep voice) "Hey I thought you wanted equality"!
Charles: (Frustrated) No! Our shared problem of overpopulation in Hell!
Eve: (Normal) Oh! Well, that's not a problem! We got that covered! Luther, how many demons did you kill this year?
Luther: Got a good 275 this year, ma'am.
Eve: 275? Whoa, badass! Awesome job, danger dick! Pound it. (Punch fists with Luther)
Charles: Uh, no, not awesome. Those are my people, you know that, right?
Eve: Ohhh, yeah...That must suck for you. Pft...Hahahaha! Charles: But these are souls. Human souls, just the same as the ones you have in Heaven.
Luther: They're not the same. They had their chance and they earned damnation.
Charles: You're wrong. Sinners made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes.
Luther: Angels don't make mistakes.
Charles: You really think that?
Luther: I know that.
Eve: Yeah, I've never made a mistake in my fucking life.
Luther: The only reason you're still here is because Mommy gave you and your Hellborn-kind a pardon from an exorcist blade. How does that feel? To know how little you matter.
(Charles shrinks back)
Eve: Oops, almost out of time. Guess we should get into it...
Charles: Oh! Fuck!...(Get up from the chair) Okay. I've a lot to get through and not a lot of time and I feel like you weren't really hearing before, so here goes. (Clears throat) (Singing) I know Hell's population is out of control. It's a bad situation, it's taking a toll. If we rehabe these sinners and cleanse all their souls at my Hazbin Hotel! (Normal) Wait I'm getting ahead of myself! Right! Extermination! (Singing) I know you guys fly down just to kill once a year. And it must be annoying to schlep all the way here. If they join you in Heaven that trip disappears! You can wave that chore farewell! (Deep breath) It'll be a happy day in...
Eve: (Singing) Let me stop you right there, save us all precious time!
Charles: (Normal) Okay?
Eve: If what you're suggesting is letting them climb! Up the ladder. Oh they rather cross the Pearly Gates? Sorry, sweetie, but there's no defying in their fates! 'Cause Hell is forever wheter you like it or not! Had their chance to behave better now they boil in a pot! 'Cause the rules are black and white there's no use in trying to fight it! They're burning for their lives until we kill them again!
Charles: Okay, but...
Eve: Just try to chillax, babe, you're wasting your breath!
Charles: (Nervously) Hehe...
Eve: Did I hear you imply that they deserve death? Are they winners? Are they sinners? 'Cause it's cut and dry!
Charles: Actually, if you take a look...
Eve: Fair is fair, an eye for an eye! And when all's said and done! (Said and done) There's the question of fun! (Fun) And for those of us with divine ordainment, extermination is entertainment! (Imitates guitar) Guitar solo, fuck yeah! (Imitates guitar) Hell is forever whether you like or not! Had their chance to behave better now they boil in a pot!
Charles: Where all these people come from?
Eve: 'Cause the rules are black and white, there's no use in trying to fight it! They're burning for their lives until we kill them again! (materializes a guitar and play it) Fucking Hell is forever and it's meant to suck a lot! So give up your dumb endeavor 'cause you don't have a shot!
(Charles groans, his paper gets on fire and his hair moves in the air and horns appear in his head)
Eve: Long as I've got your attention, I guess In should probably mention that we made a determination (Shows a contract) To move up the next extermination!
Charles: What?!
Eve: Can't wait a whole year to slaughter those little cunts! (Holds Charles' wrist) I know is just been a week, but we'll be back in six months! (Spins Charles out of the room and plays her guitar)
Charles: Um, wait, didn't you...(Goes at the door, but it closes) Awh, shit! (Punches the door)
(Charles returns sad to the Hazbin Hotel)
Vagner: Charles! (Hugs him) How did it go? Did they listen?
Charles: Oh, uh...They sure did...hear it! But, um...
Vagner: Oh! Come here. We have something exciting to show you! (Holds Charles to the living room) Alice pulled some strings, and it's about to air.
Alice: I pulled a few limbs too! Hahaha!
Charles: Wait? The commercial? You all made a new one?
Angela: Yeah, one of my better performances, if I do can say so myself.
Charles: That's...That's amazing.
Angela: Shh! It's starting!
Vagner: (On TV) Welcome to the Hazbin Hot...
(The TV changes to the 666 News channel and everyone complains)
Kallie: (On TV) Breaking news in Hell today! We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next extermination is happening sooner than ever before! Do you know what that means, Tomita?
Tomita: No. What does that means, Kallie?
Kallie: It means we are all royally fucked!
(The clock in an hourglass changes to 176 with everyone screaming)
Angela: Wait...What? Why?!
(A drone laser scans a headless body of an angel laying in Hell and Eve and Luther see then from the ship)
Luther: We found the body, ma'am. They've never managed to kill one of us before. We should just go down there now and destroy them!
Eve: No, no. We can't risk them catching on. But don't worry, when we come back, there won't be a demon left to pull a stunt like this again. (Breaks the projector and her eyes and mouth glow in the dark)
(The end credits start playing)

I have two reddit accounts, so if these stories are familiar, that's why. Someone commented that one of these sounds like abuse from my Christian parent to me. So I've compiled all most of them here. (Most of them are to do with Christianity, the hypocrisy of Christianity, or the consequences of my choice to leave it.) Please be honest but also recognize that this isn't all the times sometimes these are amazing people and I love these people but for my sake I need to know if it's really that bad.
"I'm rather young. My mom (42F) and my dad (41M) both grew up in the church. My grandfather is the pastor of his own church and my mother was raised by her grandmother who played piano in the church. Growing up I'd say I was the perfect little Christian girl. I liked praying and went to church, I wanted to help the world, and I wanted to be baptized before I even started kindergarten. I remember that vividly. I was sitting in the kitchen in one of our folding chairs because we couldn't afford real ones and I was begging my mom to let me get baptized.
My family and I are African American. The church I went to when I was little was a black church. My mother was the praise dance choreographer so of course I did praise dancing. I'd go to Sunday school, I wore the big puffy dresses, and I knew all the songs. Of course I had the common experience of being assaulted in a sexual manor by someone I went to church with. But we were both the same age and I just knew I was uncomfortable and she just knew that's how people bigger than us touched each other. All that came of me telling my mom and me not having to go to her house anymore. I was always told that I was intelligent and I believed everything I was told without question. Then my sister was born and we moved. At first everything stayed the same. We ended up having to switch churches as the previous one was an hour away from our new home. We found a new church. A church were you can wear your hoodie and jeans like it's a Tuesday. I made friends and played sports and nothing really changed until I was eight. When I was eight there was a girl on my softball team I'll call E. E is Jewish and at the time I thought everyone was Christian. As in Christianity was the default and only option. But my friend E's church wasn't called a church but a synagogue, and she couldn't eat specific foods together. E also talked about BaBat Mitzvah's. When I brought that up to my mom she said my friend was Jewish and that being Jewish is like being Christian but they read from the old testament exclusively but they don't believe in Jesus.
Which a while later caused me to spend all night crying because I put the two and two together of: Believing in resurrection Sunday and that Jesus was gods son is what got us into heaven and I cried worrying one of my closest, sweetest friend and her nice family would go to hell. Then school, which had always been easy, became hard. Which made me feel dumb. Especially since my self worth was put into how smart I was and I wouldn't dare get below an A or high B because I was scared I'd get punished. Like the time I slammed my fingers a metal door on accident and spent the next fifteen minutes in tears and my mom told me if I kept crying she'd take me to the hospital to have them cut off my fingers. Because of moments like that disappointing my parent or having to big of an emotional reaction was not okay and it made me scared and uncomfortable. They knew I was struggling, they were the ones who stayed up till four something in the morning with me trying to explain the concept. But with every minor and major struggle I felt like my worth was slipping away. But the better I did in school the more my outstanding grades became the expectation which resulted in acknowledgement for my academic achievements disappearing. I felt like I was falling apart so I'd spend hours pray and begging god for help. To take the feeling of being worthless away. I developed an eating disorder sometime before ten. Specifically binge eating. My parents would find the trash, not understand that it was more than just "the sin of gluttony" and yell which made me feel threatened and eat more food.
And then I'd pray on my knees on the hard wood outside my room door with nails and splinters in it and hurt myself because not only was I a dumb glutton but I also apparently wasn't good enough for god to save or help. It made me think if he wants a relationship with me so bad why does he ignore me? I'd hold a knife to my wrist when I'd wash dishes to see if I felt him then. I questions if I'd even go to heaven. For all my problems the answer was to pray but the problem was I'm doing that but my prayers aren't being answered. I was having thought of death no twelve year old should have. On my birthday I was like a puppet simply going through the motions. Then I started questioning my sexuality. Not to mention, I'm now cut off from the world because this is all during covid, on the bright side they gave me my door back. Now I'm older and I have questions like. How was Adam able to name all the animals and understand god not wanting him to eat from the tree and their need to stay in the garden, but not comprehend his nakedness? How was Eve able to be tempted and not understand her nakedness? Why did they and apparently god think being naked was wrong? How are we not all messed up from tons of inbreeding and how do animals still exist after the inbreeding the would've occurred after Noah's ark if he only saved one male and female of each species? Why did god want to flood the Earth and purge it of it's evil humans if he was the one who decided free will would be a good idea? Since he is perfect and all knowing their shouldn't have been a moment of let me make something I'll destroy, wait nvm. My parents have changed a lot since I was little and have let me go to therapy. Of course I have a Christian therapist. Which I wouldn't mind if it wasn't for the fact that every time I bring up trauma that's linked to religion or need advice in terms of how to change a bad behavior or over come anxiety the advice is to pray. And at times I feel like I'm in a moment of doubt she feel she should try and pull me back in. But they also said I have to volunteer in the childern ministry at church.
I used to work with children ages three to five. Now I'm in one to three. And it feels like I'm spreading propaganda. They tell me what to say and what the goal is for the kids to believe by the end of the month. After I can't help but feel dirty. I'm at the point in my journey were I don't believe. But I have to keep working in the childern ministry, I have to go to church every Sunday, my parents are both devotional authors with published books. I'm the only one in my family who doesn't believe both extended and intermediate. I just wanna know I'm not crazy. I feel like I'm being brainwashed or something. Like drink the blood and eat the body of Jesus!? It's all too much. And now that my parents know they're trying to make me go back to believing. And I listen to them talk and it's like I can't have a conversations with you. You put your faith above all else. You believe whole heartedly, my point of view is automatically wrong to you because faith trumps logic so why would I share it with you? But at the same time it's majority of the music they play, it's all their advice, I go every Sunday, my classmates and friends are majority Christian and yet I even though I see the flaws and hypocrisy, I still can't help but wonder, am I the crazy one?"
"My grandma would grab me and call me "big booty Judy." And my butt was grabbed, spanked, and frequently talked about. Sometimes she'd just sit there tapping it while she talked. It started when I was around three or four and just continued. Though now I'm in my teens and rarely see her. But my breast were also a topic for a while. Comments like "where'd you get those from?", "she's bigger than you.", and "her sisters the tall one but she's the curvy one." They felt icky but I didn't dwell on them. But she's also an alcoholic along with many other things. She dated my mom's friends when she was in college, gets shit faced in at events like birthdays and funerals. Shakes her ass on family members and frequently offered us alcohol. But I always took pride in being her favorite grandchild. Which she constantly reminded me I was. She also has a serious spending problem. But the funny thing is. She goes to a church church. She's in the choir and used frequently as a look example. She hosts church events and potlucks. She even remarried in the church. Never mind the things I just said that'd be considered sins. She's the perfect Christian woman."
"How do you cope with the level of disrespect? I'm not eighteen yet, but I'm still able to be disrespected. My main problem is the disrespect from my parents. My parents who wish to be respected in their beliefs and don't want their minds to change. But at the same time, my dad has sent my scriptures and stuff for the past couple of months since it came out. I don't believe in God or Jesus. They force me to serve and volunteer at church and attend every Sunday. They paired me with a not so ethical Christian therapist. Then both gang up on me about it and take my silence as defeat when I'm just respecting their beliefs. I'm literally the only non Christian in my family. I also have mental problems from staying with them and just in general, but they won't test me because I don't behave in such a stereotypical manner. I want to say they love me, but does someone who blatantly disrespects you love you? I'm having a hard time with seeing if I should do something as drastic as no contact after I reach a certain age.
But at the same time their those awful parents who don't just blatantly suck but also have messed me up quite a bit, resulting in me not feeling like I have a right to be upset. I've told them about how Christianity mixed with their parenting drove me to suicidal thoughts, almost going through with it, and an eating disorder I'm still battling. I also can't just leave and close the door behind me. I'm the oldest, and their are two more kids just like me, and if I turned my back on them, I'd never forgive myself. They're my siblings, but they're also what stopped me from going through with the bad thoughts I was having. They need someone who will be honest, say the weird things, and answer the ignored questions. So, how can I deal with the blatant disrespect so that I'm around for them? What skill for stress management can I use? How do I block out the constant religious gaslighting that happens in church? Because I have over two more years of this."
"My dad said if people don't wanna have a baby, they shouldn't have sex even if they're married. But sir, you had three babies while financially unstable because you couldn't keep your damn hands off my mom. You were planning me, but your job fell through, and when my mom went to get back on birth control, it was too late, so I'll give you a pass with me. But my siblings were both surprises. So, quit judging and practice what you preach. But that's not what pissed me off the most. He said women will put all their time into work and not their husbands, and that's why some men cheat, but the way he said it, it was like he was justifying it. But my dad, he'd go to hooters alone, and when I needed tights, he got them from a woman their and it made me think what if. And I know it's stupid, but that what if. It is so loud.
And it's not even the first time he's said something along the lines of justifying it and almost blaming the woman who gets cheated on. But then he likes to be all up in arms about how his friend married a woman who cheated on him multiple times. My dad's like, I wanna pour into my kids but then makes no effort, and when we spent time with him, we had to initiate it. He doesn't do the hey you wanna . . . stuff. But he has his own company, and they can't get any work right now, so he spends most of his time at home. And then says I'm just to tired to spend time with ya'll.
My mom was sick to the point of being half passed out in a drive-thru after taking my brother to karate and having to pick up dinner. I would've offered to drive him if I could. I'm still leaning, and I'm bad at staying in one lane. But my dad was really busy on his PS5 with his made-up football team. So busy he couldn't take my brother to karate nor could he pause his game to get dinner. I'm kinda starting to hate him. He's also done a couple of other things, but that's what recently has made me mad. But I don't feel like I have a right to be mad because he's here and a lot of my friends dad aren't, and he's not physically abusive like my best friends dad is. I just don't know how I should feel. Is everyone's dad like this?
Edit: It's mothers day and he couldn't be bothered to get the food, pick up the groceries, nothing. #1Dad guys."
​
So is it truly a horrible go no contact at eighteen situation, a be watchful situation, or is it fine? I know some of this stuff is a lot but some of it was also in a moment of extreme emotion. Remember like I said in the beginning they're not always like this.

I have two reddit accounts, so if these stories are familiar, that's why. Someone commented that one of these sounds like abuse from my Christian parent to me. So I've compiled all most of them here. (Most of them are to do with Christianity, the hypocrisy of Christianity, or the consequences of my choice to leave it.) Please be honest but also recognize that this isn't all the times sometimes these are amazing people and I love these people but for my sake I need to know if it's really that bad.
"I'm rather young. My mom (42F) and my dad (41M) both grew up in the church. My grandfather is the pastor of his own church and my mother was raised by her grandmother who played piano in the church. Growing up I'd say I was the perfect little Christian girl. I liked praying and went to church, I wanted to help the world, and I wanted to be baptized before I even started kindergarten. I remember that vividly. I was sitting in the kitchen in one of our folding chairs because we couldn't afford real ones and I was begging my mom to let me get baptized.
My family and I are African American. The church I went to when I was little was a black church. My mother was the praise dance choreographer so of course I did praise dancing. I'd go to Sunday school, I wore the big puffy dresses, and I knew all the songs. Of course I had the common experience of being assaulted in a sexual manor by someone I went to church with. But we were both the same age and I just knew I was uncomfortable and she just knew that's how people bigger than us touched each other. All that came of me telling my mom and me not having to go to her house anymore. I was always told that I was intelligent and I believed everything I was told without question. Then my sister was born and we moved. At first everything stayed the same. We ended up having to switch churches as the previous one was an hour away from our new home. We found a new church. A church were you can wear your hoodie and jeans like it's a Tuesday. I made friends and played sports and nothing really changed until I was eight. When I was eight there was a girl on my softball team I'll call E. E is Jewish and at the time I thought everyone was Christian. As in Christianity was the default and only option. But my friend E's church wasn't called a church but a synagogue, and she couldn't eat specific foods together. E also talked about BaBat Mitzvah's. When I brought that up to my mom she said my friend was Jewish and that being Jewish is like being Christian but they read from the old testament exclusively but they don't believe in Jesus.
Which a while later caused me to spend all night crying because I put the two and two together of: Believing in resurrection Sunday and that Jesus was gods son is what got us into heaven and I cried worrying one of my closest, sweetest friend and her nice family would go to hell. Then school, which had always been easy, became hard. Which made me feel dumb. Especially since my self worth was put into how smart I was and I wouldn't dare get below an A or high B because I was scared I'd get punished. Like the time I slammed my fingers a metal door on accident and spent the next fifteen minutes in tears and my mom told me if I kept crying she'd take me to the hospital to have them cut off my fingers. Because of moments like that disappointing my parent or having to big of an emotional reaction was not okay and it made me scared and uncomfortable. They knew I was struggling, they were the ones who stayed up till four something in the morning with me trying to explain the concept. But with every minor and major struggle I felt like my worth was slipping away. But the better I did in school the more my outstanding grades became the expectation which resulted in acknowledgement for my academic achievements disappearing. I felt like I was falling apart so I'd spend hours pray and begging god for help. To take the feeling of being worthless away. I developed an eating disorder sometime before ten. Specifically binge eating. My parents would find the trash, not understand that it was more than just "the sin of gluttony" and yell which made me feel threatened and eat more food.
And then I'd pray on my knees on the hard wood outside my room door with nails and splinters in it and hurt myself because not only was I a dumb glutton but I also apparently wasn't good enough for god to save or help. It made me think if he wants a relationship with me so bad why does he ignore me? I'd hold a knife to my wrist when I'd wash dishes to see if I felt him then. I questions if I'd even go to heaven. For all my problems the answer was to pray but the problem was I'm doing that but my prayers aren't being answered. I was having thought of death no twelve year old should have. On my birthday I was like a puppet simply going through the motions. Then I started questioning my sexuality. Not to mention, I'm now cut off from the world because this is all during covid, on the bright side they gave me my door back. Now I'm older and I have questions like. How was Adam able to name all the animals and understand god not wanting him to eat from the tree and their need to stay in the garden, but not comprehend his nakedness? How was Eve able to be tempted and not understand her nakedness? Why did they and apparently god think being naked was wrong? How are we not all messed up from tons of inbreeding and how do animals still exist after the inbreeding the would've occurred after Noah's ark if he only saved one male and female of each species? Why did god want to flood the Earth and purge it of it's evil humans if he was the one who decided free will would be a good idea? Since he is perfect and all knowing their shouldn't have been a moment of let me make something I'll destroy, wait nvm. My parents have changed a lot since I was little and have let me go to therapy. Of course I have a Christian therapist. Which I wouldn't mind if it wasn't for the fact that every time I bring up trauma that's linked to religion or need advice in terms of how to change a bad behavior or over come anxiety the advice is to pray. And at times I feel like I'm in a moment of doubt she feel she should try and pull me back in. But they also said I have to volunteer in the childern ministry at church.
I used to work with children ages three to five. Now I'm in one to three. And it feels like I'm spreading propaganda. They tell me what to say and what the goal is for the kids to believe by the end of the month. After I can't help but feel dirty. I'm at the point in my journey were I don't believe. But I have to keep working in the childern ministry, I have to go to church every Sunday, my parents are both devotional authors with published books. I'm the only one in my family who doesn't believe both extended and intermediate. I just wanna know I'm not crazy. I feel like I'm being brainwashed or something. Like drink the blood and eat the body of Jesus!? It's all too much. And now that my parents know they're trying to make me go back to believing. And I listen to them talk and it's like I can't have a conversations with you. You put your faith above all else. You believe whole heartedly, my point of view is automatically wrong to you because faith trumps logic so why would I share it with you? But at the same time it's majority of the music they play, it's all their advice, I go every Sunday, my classmates and friends are majority Christian and yet I even though I see the flaws and hypocrisy, I still can't help but wonder, am I the crazy one?"
"My grandma would grab me and call me "big booty Judy." And my butt was grabbed, spanked, and frequently talked about. Sometimes she'd just sit there tapping it while she talked. It started when I was around three or four and just continued. Though now I'm in my teens and rarely see her. But my breast were also a topic for a while. Comments like "where'd you get those from?", "she's bigger than you.", and "her sisters the tall one but she's the curvy one." They felt icky but I didn't dwell on them. But she's also an alcoholic along with many other things. She dated my mom's friends when she was in college, gets shit faced in at events like birthdays and funerals. Shakes her ass on family members and frequently offered us alcohol. But I always took pride in being her favorite grandchild. Which she constantly reminded me I was. She also has a serious spending problem. But the funny thing is. She goes to a church church. She's in the choir and used frequently as a look example. She hosts church events and potlucks. She even remarried in the church. Never mind the things I just said that'd be considered sins. She's the perfect Christian woman."
"How do you cope with the level of disrespect? I'm not eighteen yet, but I'm still able to be disrespected. My main problem is the disrespect from my parents. My parents who wish to be respected in their beliefs and don't want their minds to change. But at the same time, my dad has sent my scriptures and stuff for the past couple of months since it came out. I don't believe in God or Jesus. They force me to serve and volunteer at church and attend every Sunday. They paired me with a not so ethical Christian therapist. Then both gang up on me about it and take my silence as defeat when I'm just respecting their beliefs. I'm literally the only non Christian in my family. I also have mental problems from staying with them and just in general, but they won't test me because I don't behave in such a stereotypical manner. I want to say they love me, but does someone who blatantly disrespects you love you? I'm having a hard time with seeing if I should do something as drastic as no contact after I reach a certain age.
But at the same time their those awful parents who don't just blatantly suck but also have messed me up quite a bit, resulting in me not feeling like I have a right to be upset. I've told them about how Christianity mixed with their parenting drove me to suicidal thoughts, almost going through with it, and an eating disorder I'm still battling. I also can't just leave and close the door behind me. I'm the oldest, and their are two more kids just like me, and if I turned my back on them, I'd never forgive myself. They're my siblings, but they're also what stopped me from going through with the bad thoughts I was having. They need someone who will be honest, say the weird things, and answer the ignored questions. So, how can I deal with the blatant disrespect so that I'm around for them? What skill for stress management can I use? How do I block out the constant religious gaslighting that happens in church? Because I have over two more years of this."
"My dad said if people don't wanna have a baby, they shouldn't have sex even if they're married. But sir, you had three babies while financially unstable because you couldn't keep your damn hands off my mom. You were planning me, but your job fell through, and when my mom went to get back on birth control, it was too late, so I'll give you a pass with me. But my siblings were both surprises. So, quit judging and practice what you preach. But that's not what pissed me off the most. He said women will put all their time into work and not their husbands, and that's why some men cheat, but the way he said it, it was like he was justifying it. But my dad, he'd go to hooters alone, and when I needed tights, he got them from a woman their and it made me think what if. And I know it's stupid, but that what if. It is so loud.
And it's not even the first time he's said something along the lines of justifying it and almost blaming the woman who gets cheated on. But then he likes to be all up in arms about how his friend married a woman who cheated on him multiple times. My dad's like, I wanna pour into my kids but then makes no effort, and when we spent time with him, we had to initiate it. He doesn't do the hey you wanna . . . stuff. But he has his own company, and they can't get any work right now, so he spends most of his time at home. And then says I'm just to tired to spend time with ya'll.
My mom was sick to the point of being half passed out in a drive-thru after taking my brother to karate and having to pick up dinner. I would've offered to drive him if I could. I'm still leaning, and I'm bad at staying in one lane. But my dad was really busy on his PS5 with his made-up football team. So busy he couldn't take my brother to karate nor could he pause his game to get dinner. I'm kinda starting to hate him. He's also done a couple of other things, but that's what recently has made me mad. But I don't feel like I have a right to be mad because he's here and a lot of my friends dad aren't, and he's not physically abusive like my best friends dad is. I just don't know how I should feel. Is everyone's dad like this?
Edit: It's mothers day and he couldn't be bothered to get the food, pick up the groceries, nothing. #1Dad guys."
​
So is it truly a horrible go no contact at eighteen situation, a be watchful situation, or is it fine? I know some of this stuff is a lot but some of it was also in a moment of extreme emotion. Remember like I said in the beginning they're not always like this.

So this is a long one. Like, I'm going back over it and damn. This is longer than I thought it would be. Throwaway account, I've only made one other post to this relating to what's going on. Instead of updating the other post, I figured I'd make a separate one about the whole shit show I experienced, and the shit circus I uncovered and avoided. I'll try to keep this in as chronological an order as I can.
As the title says, my abusive/narc mom and pos/delusional/golden child brother started trying to reach out to me a few months ago wanting to make amends and build bridges with me again. There were a few people that commented on my previous post in another subreddit that may be a little disappointed in me for how I handled this, and a few that might enjoy that I handled it the way I did. Someone commented to not let them use my good nature. My nature is dependent on who I'm dealing with, and when it comes to that side of my family, I'm more stick than carrot. So their attempts did not go ignored, and did not go unpunished.
Growing up, I was always closer with my Dad than my mom. My brother was the epitome of "pampered mamma's boy". He started having seizures as a child and was diagnosed with epilepsy, which I thought was why my mom babied the absolute fuck out of him long into adulthood. He would go a year or 2 without any seizures, and then there would be a few months where he'd be having them every other day. At Anytime he got in trouble at home or school, my mom would find a way to blame me, for not making sure he knew whatever he was doing would get him in trouble, or she would blame my dad for not being "involved enough in their baby's life." My dad was in the Navy and I remember any time he'd deploy, I'd dread every day until he came back. My brother would taunt me that he knew whatever he did, I'd be the one to get in trouble for it. My dad would always make things up for me when he got back from his deployments though. We'd often have weekend trips just the 2 of us. And then around my 12th birthday, my mom insisted on sitting us all down and explain to that she and my dad were getting a divorce. We got the whole talk about how they still love us and they just can't be together anymore, etc. my dad told us both that he still loved us and he would be there for us whenever we needed him. He explained that he would be moving out, but he would be by to pick us up to spend the weekends with us. I was nervous and honestly scared of what it would be like without him. But I was looking forward to the weekend when I got to see him again. That never happened though, and that was the last time I ever got to see him.
Right before his weekend with us, my mom explained to us that my dad didn't want anything to do with us anymore. There was some news story about a father that killed his kids when he had custody of them and she used that to terrify my brother and convince him that our dad wanted to kill us to start his life over. We left damn near everything behind and moved in with my mom's brother in Florida (from Virginia) a couple days before my dad was supposed to come get us. After that, she went to great lengths to make sure we had no contact from him.
Years went on, my mom seemed more indifferent towards me than ever. She never seemed interested in anything I did unless my brother also seemed interested in it. She didn't show any interest in my wanting to learn guitar until my brother also showed interest in it. Then we got one guitar that we had to share, I'd take lessons on the condition that I taught my brother whatever I learned in them. My brother eventually wound up breaking the guitar and I was blamed for not storing it in the case it came with. I had to share my N64 with him whenever he wanted to play it. I was playing perfect dark one day and having a hard time killing the skedar leader at the end of the game. My brother burst into the room saying he wanted to play his MegaMan game, to which I just replied "give me a minute, this boss fight is hard, once I'm done you can have your turn" He didn't like that. He left the room and came back with a hammer and smashed the console while I was still playing. My fault for not letting him play it. The only thing I had that he could not use was a pair of roller blades my aunt got me for my 14th birthday. I specifically asked for roller blades to get around instead of a bike because my brother and I had different shoe sizes, so he couldn't wear them Because of constant shit like that, I never really put much value in having things growing up. I didnt want to buy something or get something as a gift just to have it fucked up in a few weeks or months. At some point, my "little" brother became the larger one, so my clothes all became "hand-me-ups" as he outgrew everything. So, because I didn't really have any distractions at home, I turned into a high achieving student, rarely got in trouble. made the honor roll all throughout school. But that wasn't something to celebrate as it was expected of me. I had long since decided that I was moving out as soon as I could once I turn 18. I got a job working at a Walgreens as soon as I could and started saving up for a car. My mom however took issue with this and would never agree to take me looking for one and absolutely refused to ever have it put on her insurance. This is where my Aunt comes in. She and her son are the only 2 on my mom's side that aren't some sort of degenerate. She had her son young, but put herself through college while raising him alone and eventually got her MBA and a cushy upper corporate job. She told me to tell my mom I had to go in to work on one of my days off, that she would pick me up and she would take me car shopping. So that's what we did. I couldn't quite afford a cash car, but she helped me with the financing. I put down what I had as the down payment, the arrangement she made with me was that 1- as long as I was in school, she would cover the insurance and payments for me, however, if I got into an accident, I was responsible for paying the deductable. And 2- as long as i was living with my mom, the car remained in her (Aunt's) name. And if anything happened to it, to let her know so she could get the appropriate authorities involved. My mom was PISSED when she found out I now had a car. Her reasoning (that she said in front of my aunt) was that she didn't think it was fair for one of us-either me or my brother- to have something the other couldn't use. Due to him being 13 and having epilepsy, he couldn't drive, so why should i have a car if my brother doesn't? That turned into a long shouting match between my mom and Aunt that basically ended with my aunt explaining that since it was her car, and all paperwork on her name, I was just on the insurance for it so I could drive it. But if anything at all happened to it while I was living at my Mom's, that the police and insurance companies would get involved. My mom still kept track of all the miles on the car to "make sure I was only going to work and school and wherever she told me I could go". Most of the time, when I hung out with friends, I wasn't the one driving. From that that point though, my mindset was very much "keep my head down and nose clean until I can leave." I graduated a month before my 18th birthday. After graduation, my mom and i got into an argument about me contributing to her bills. I eventually dropped the ball that I planned on getting back in touch with my Dad and leaving. She started laughing. Something about that laugh made me really uncomfortable. She then said "well, you can certainly meet up with him whenever you want! I'll supply the gun if you buy the bullet!" And told me my dad had died when I was 15. That. Fucking. Broke. Me. Later that night, i called my best friend and vented everything to him. He was in the DEP program for the Navy and would be shipping out in a few months, he told me to come by first thing in the morning and talk with him and his parents about the whole situation. I basically packed up all of my clothes and left the day after my 18th birthday. I just left my house key and a note that said "I'm not your problem anymore." I couch surfed for a little while until after my best friend left for boot camp, then I was able to move in and live with his parents (chosen parents basically). My only real rules were keep the house and my space clean and make sure I had a job and/or going to school. I spent a few months mourning my dad and kind of in a haze. Since he was in the Navy though, that meant I was reliable for financial aid for school. My second dad helped me get everything put together to start receiving that so I could start college.
Well, after a couple years of this, my brother, who had spent his time at school more as "forced socializing" instead of learning, was expelled from public schools for allegedly setting off a fire extinguisher in a classroom. He had to enroll at an alternative school called "the drop back-in academy" that was specifically for dropouts or anyone that got the boot from the public school system. My mom reached out to me and asked me if I would drive him to this school in the mornings, she'd pick him up in the afternoons, and she'd pay me $20 a week.I agreed to it thinking this was out of character for her, but she surprisingly held up to that agreement. I drove him for a couple years until I was ready to start my bachelor program. My second parents were getting ready to move back to their hometown and I was going to start school on the other side of the city. So, I was moving to that side of town and couldn't really drive out of my way to pick up and drop off my brother anymore. He continued his enrollment at this place for another 3 years (5 years total) and it turned out, he was never attending. I would drop his ass off there every day and he'd just walk home immediately after I pulled out of the parking lot. He'd just tell my mom that he finished his work early and decided to walk home instead of wait around for her. One afternoon, I'm coming home early from work and my brother is just sitting on the steps to my studio apartment. He tells me that he and our mom got into a really big argument and he needs a place to stay. I (reluctantly) let him in. I'm stuck thinking he must be really desperate if he's coming to me for help. But I start thinking at this point, he's 24, jobless, and probably needs to learn some self discipline and responsibility, and our mom just never did that for him. So I try to help. I ask him what their fight was about and he tells me that he started dating this girl at his alternative school. She was 21 and got the boot from the school system for being too old to attend (we actually have several relatives that were kicked out of the school system for the same reason) and that he accidentally got her pregnant and our mom did not take kindly to that. I called my landlord and explained the situation to him. He was okay with it, so I let him crash on my couch for a little bit (until the end of my lease, then I'd be moving) and just told him to clean up after himself, take care of himself, etc until we could all work this out. He crashed there for a few months and did Jack shit. He would complain that I didn't have a computer for him to use (I only had a laptop I bought for school) and I didn't have any video game consoles for him to entertain himself with. So he was stuck there bored all day. I got tired of the complaining and lack of effort and told him he had to go back to our mom's if he wasn't going to be an adult. We started shouting at each other until he dropped this little bombshell. He yelled "I can't go back to Mom's!" And when I asked why, he just blurted out "because it's to close to that elementary school!" That stopped the whole thing. "And why is that a big deal now?" I asked him. I already knew why that would be the problem, but 1% of me was holding onto the hope that he was got jumped by a gang of 5th graders and the trauma was too much for him to bear. I told him he could either tell me what's going on, or I could make a phone call and get every last detail I needed. He confessed that he had been leaving that school and going over to his "girlfriend's" house and waiting for her to get home. And that one day, her mom ended up catching them in the act. I explained to him that he was leaving out important details if that was the reason he couldn't be near a school.
He told me she was 14, not 21. I. Lost. My. Shit. Everything after that is kinda fuzzy, but he was arrested, mom posted bail, and since she lived right around the corner from an elementary school, he couldn't stay there. So they told his parole officer that he'd be staying at my address until his court date.. his PO had swung by a couple times, but I was always either at work or school or out somewhere. At this point, I told him the lease was up in 6 weeks, I couldn't stand to be around him. I packed my stuff early, moved out into a storage unit, and I stayed at an extended stay hotel until it was time for me to move. Called my landlord and told him what was going on, and if my brother was still there the last week of the lease, nail him for trespassing. My landlord was a good guy. I never had any problems with him. I paid up the last 6 weeks and threw him since extra cash for his troubles as I knew I wouldn't be getting my deposit back. That was the last time I saw my brother. After I moved out of state, I cut all contact with everyone in that family except my Aunt who was the only one that ever helped me out or even had my back. But even then, it was just through email. We'd mainly email birthday and holiday wishes to each other. Updates from my side on how life and career are going.
I never had a myspace or a Facebook growing up. I either never had a computer to check it on, or I was just so accustomed to not having any online distractions that I just never got around to making one. I did finally make a Facebook and I did get in touch with my dad's side of the family and reconnected with them. I hadn't seem most of them since I was 4 or 5. Some of them had been in contact with my brother (he fucking knew our dad died) and was spinning some sort of web about how he graduated high school early, had gone to college for pre-med and then got some sort of full ride scholarship to some prestigious medical school in Florida. He told them I wasn't on social media because I had been arrested for selling drugs and that he was taking me in after I got released. He was also using my senior portrait as a profile pic. They were surprised when they saw me and how I "looked just like my brother!" I had set the record straight. They looked dumbfounded when I told them that he couldn't get himself out of the 9th grade in 10 years, and now would likely never complete his high school journey due to the fact he can't be within 100 yards of a school.
So, fast forward to last week. I checked my email for the first time since late January (for my aunt's birthday) and noticed a few from her saying my mom wanted to reach out, then several emails from a new address. It was my mom's first initial and last name. Subject lines usually read "please respond" and "let me know you're okay" and stuff like that. I'd copy some of them over, but holy shit this is already a novella. Basically she got my email address from sneaking my aunt's phone (aunt did not sell me out). She's trying to apologize for how she treated me growing up and trying to excuse it by saying I reminded her of my dad and then she was going through menopause and just any excuse to dishes full accountability it seems. She acknowledges that it was wrong to hold me accountable for my brother's fuck-ups but dismisses that by saying he didn't know any better and she needed me to be a good role model for him. Things have been hard for her since I left, since she "had" to take my brother back in (I would've left him on the street or in jail), she had to sell her house (she was only 10 years into her mortgage) and buy another smaller one further from a school for him. He never did get a hs diploma or GED because how can he? And she's been going through breast cancer treatment for the last several months and just doesn't have the energy to take care of her 33yo baby anymore. She asked me if I lived close enough to them to take him in for a little bit while she focuses on her health. I left Florida 8 years ago and haven't even lived in the same time zone in 6 years. She can only check her email at work since she no longer has Internet at home. She had to cancel her home Internet service because of him. So, I decided to just put my brother's name into a search bar and the first thing that pops up is a FDLE sex offender's page. And holy shit has he gone downhill. He had a second arrest when he was 27 for the same thing, and then was caught in communications with another girl (like Chris Hansen sting) and was released from prison at the beginning of the year. And the mugshot.... You know the pale lady from the scary stories to tell in the dark movie? Think that, but with a patchy beard. Beady eyes, bad skin and all. According to the sheriff's office inmate search, he's been arrested 5 times in the last 10 years. Twice for lewd and lascivious battery of a minor (aged 12-15), once for solicitation of a minor, and twice for probation violations.
The TL/DR: abusive mom took all her frustrations out on me, blamed me for everything my brother did, hid my father's death from me until I was almost 18, and reaches out after 8 years of no contact and wants me to take care of her pedophile son while she's in poor health.
I'm attaching my response to her below.
Hi. I'm alive. I'm well. I'm also not okay with you contacting me, especially under the circumstances that you violated the privacy of your own sister to get my contact information. I have read your apologies and excuses and I do not accept either. You say I reminded you of Dad? He spent more time with me and showed more interest in my well-being than you ever did, and that's including the 6 years he was absent from my life by your own selfish design. Menopause? I find that hard to believe as this went on for the better part of half a decade and not once in that time did your attitude towards brother change. You always treated him with the same coddling infantile obsession and patience that one would show a toddler. It was and is clear that you have a preferred child as that adult-sized pile of shit is still living comfortably with dear old mama. I'm guessing no one else is willing to take him in? Are Uncle and Cousins afraid of him doing something to their daughters or grandchildren? I do believe you when you say you want to rebuild the bridge that you nuked from orbit years ago, but I can't believe it's not for your own selfish desires. And I can't find any reason or way my quality of life could be improved with your presence. The reality is, my life has been far better without you than it could be with you. I've never said this to anyone, but if there is a sense of karma and balance in the universe, your current situation is proof of that. The next time I see your name on my computer screen, had better be for your obituary. But since you and the monster you raised both decided to keep Dad's death a secret from me, and remove any choice I had to mourn or pay my respects, I'll return that kindness to you.
Please die away from me.

I (28m) met an older woman (37f) on a dating app around two months ago. I had no reason to believe she was married up until two weeks ago.
Let’s call my ex girlfriend Sandy.
Things progressed normally. We chatted casually for few days. Impulsively met up for drinks. One date later and Sandy spent the night at my place. Since then, we’ve grown super close to the point that we either saw each other every day or FaceTimed for hours.
Sandy has a daughter and responsibilities so obviously there were days where we spoke a little less. There’s days I’m busy too. I never thought twice to question her stories about her whereabouts. We spent almost all of our time at my place, or out, which was fine. I began to feel it was off that I literally never saw her home. Sandy shied away from bringing there, and I kind of let it go because of her daughter. It’s her space. I gave her little pressure.
I brought it up one day, gently. I simply asked, “You know I’ve only ever seen your house on FaceTime?” It was lighthearted pillow talk. Sandy made some flirty comment about how she’s “maybe hiding a big secret.”
The way Sandy said it was off, but I tried not to read into it.
Two weeks ago, she invited me over and I could tell that Sandy was clearly uncomfortable the entire time. Admittedly, she did a good job at hiding any sign that a third person lived there. I had a hard time getting comfortable with her acting so stiff and nervous. I left, and for a week, the relationship was strained for no identifiable reason.
I decided to do some cyber stalking. I’d never thoroughly gone through her instagram. Sure enough, in her tagged photos was Sandy, her wife, and her daughter. The photo was tagged two months ago.
At first Sandy lied to me and told me she was estranged from her wife but didn’t know how to tell me. I called bullshit and she finally admitted that she was cheating, and hoping for a better situation.
We talked about what she meant by “a better situation” and she simply means she no longer thinks she’s a lesbian but she doesn’t know how to get out of it.
Obviously things are over between us. Part of me wants to just lay low, and part of me wants to tell this poor naive person that she’s being cheated on. Her wife deserves better. Her wife deserves to know at a minimum, right?
Would I be the asshole if I tell my ex girlfriend’s wife about my ex’s infidelity?

Title says it all, this post is a deep dive into the Sonic Adventure 2 OST, specifically all the songs pertaining to Knuckles. This is for a few reasons that I’ll get into in a moment, but from what I’ve seen Knuckles’ and Rouge’s soundtracks tend to get overlooked or written off by fans (More so Knuckles’) unfairly so in my opinion.
This post will serve, not only to analyze the music itself, but also Knuckles’ characterization, as you’ll see the two are basically intrinsically linked.
Just a quick disclaimer, I’m not a musician nor am I that musically inclined, this isn’t an expert’s opinion or analysis, just a listener’s thoughts.
A bit of background of me before we start, I grew up around hip hop when I was young so I can really appreciate Knuckles’ soundtrack probably more so than a lot of other people.
Ever since I was a kid, Knuckles has always been my favorite character, I always found his complicated friendship and rivalry with Sonic to me a much more interesting dichotomy than Sonic and Shadow (I know, fight me).
That and I’ve always just adored his character (Before they forgot how to write him) he can be hot headed and stubborn like Sonic, but he’s got a bit of a Yin and Yang thing going on, with his Chill nature conflicting with his Quick and Explosive temper, as well as his questioning of his purpose in life and duty to the Master Emerald.
Anyway, enough context on myself, let’s strap in and get to the meat of this veeeeeery long post (My bad guys).

BACKGROUND

So for starters, I think it’s best we talk about the style and influences that are quite evident in Knuckles’ Music, that being Hip Hop/Rap, but it goes a bit further than that.
For some historical context, Sonic Adventure 2 came out in 2001, I’m not sure how many hip hop fans hang around the subreddit but by 2001 the Golden Age of Hip Hop had been firmly left behind. Biggie and Pac had been dead for a while, and the stars of yesteryear began to fizzle out as the young blood cropped up onto the scene.
The early 2000s Hip Hop scene was mainly dominated by the East Coast and the Dirty South, lots of stars of this generation of rap included 50 Cent, Ja Rule, Outkast, Ludacris, The Game, Three 6 Mafia and Xzibit, but you also had older legends like Nas and Snoop Dogg who were still culturally relevant.
This modern sound of hip hop differed greatly in sound to the early 90s, everything was a lot more clean and refined, samples were still used but weren’t as common as before and the West Coast sound that characterized the early 90s had been long gone.
It’s important to bring this up, because comparing SA2’s Hip Hop tracks to the climate it was released in, they sound almost out of place. Listening to Get Rich or Die Trying, or Stillmatic and then listening to SA3’s tracks you’d be convinced they were separated by many years.
The Tracks in SA2 are definitely rooted in early 90s hip hop, it’s very clear that those early Gangsta Rap albums like Straight Outta Compton and Black Sunday greatly influenced this part of the soundtrack. And you don’t have to take my word for it, go and listen to the instrumentals of songs like Express Yourself or Insane in the Brain and tell me that they’d sound out of place playing in one of Knuckles’ Stages.
Early 90s Hip Hop makes heavy use of sampling, primarily of the work of Black Artists of the past two decades, because of SA2K’s early 90s hip hop influences, it too has a lot of roots in 70s/80s Black music. Elements of Soul, Funk and Jazz are commonly heard in Knuckles’ Stages, think James Brown or Isaac Hayes.
So what Groups or Artists seem to inspire SA2K’s sound? Well the obvious choice is NWA, though specifically Straight Outta Compton, Elif4zaggin has a much different sound. However I don’t believe that’s entirely the case.
Whether it’s pure coincidence or intentional, Too Short (stylized as Too $hort) was a decently popular artist from Oakland, which is up in the Bay Area of NorCal which is the main inspiration for most of SA2’s urban environments.
Anyway, Too Short was actually quite a pioneer in Hip Hop as he formed the Dangerous Crew, a Hip Hop Band who played actual instruments instead of using samples, it’s because of this that I believe Too Short and the Dangerous Crew to be the main inspiration of SA2K’s sound whether intentional or not, not only are the two defined by their funky beats, but also their use of live instruments. I recommend listening to songs like The Ghetto, Sample The Funk and Just Another Day to get an idea of how his music influences SA2K.

UNKNOWN FROM M.E. (REMIX)

Honestly I find this track to be an improvement over the original, it definitely leans a lot more into the R&B aspect over the rest of the soundtrack but it’s still distinctly hip hop with the record scratches, drums and Hunnid-P rapping over it.
Speaking of, let’s address the Elephant in the room briefly. I know Hunnid-P or Hunnid-Pacent isn’t everybody’s favorite person on this sub, either on the track or behind the scenes, and while his antics aren’t relevant to this post, I don’t necessarily agree that he’s as bad as people say he is on the mic. Is he the world’s greatest emcee? Absolutely not, but he does his job pretty well, he has good flow and a pretty good voice. I think people clown on his lyrics too much, I’m not saying he’s an Inspectah Deck level lyricist but I think the guy has dropped a few bombs and this OST has some gems, but we’ll get into this in a bit.
Getting back to the song, the content of the lyrics is basically Knuckles’ inner voice, this is basically the entire soundtrack, though Unknown From M.E. is more of a general character overview of Knuckles, its standard stuff now but at the time it was a pretty deep dive into the character of Knuckles’ in a decently subtle way.
Most of the song centers around Knuckles’ self imposed isolation on Angel Island, his duty to his people and the world to protect the Master Emerald, but also him yearning for something more and the inner conflict that stems from that.
This song actually has some underrated lines, some standout lyrics include:
“Clench my fists tight, become more redder - I don't wanna hurt her, my passion observed”
The last line is in obvious reference to Rouge and an interesting insight into Knuckles himself. He clearly doesn’t like violence and isn’t interested in hurting anybody, but his duty as a guardian and his quick temper often means he can get a bit too carried away as the line implies, good stuff.
“Been lonely all my life, does it matter? - Here for the mission, whoever want, it bring it”
Here we can clearly see Knuckles trying to reason with himself here, specifically after meeting Sonic and experiencing a life that isn’t just his duty. Here we see the Guardian side of him, he’s always been alone and it’s never been problem before, why should it be now? At least that’s what he tries to tell himself.
“Don't approve of him but gotta trust him - This alliance has a purpose - This partnership is only temporary”
I’ll get more into this when we get to Death Chamber, but these lines are obviously alluding to Sonic and the plot of the game. It’s clear that Knuckles still doesn’t completely like Sonic, however the key here is that he trusts him, he’s gotten to a point now where he knows Sonic is well meaning and their goals align. However, just like real people, he’s accepted the arrangement but he doesn’t have to like it, he still believes Sonic is brash, arrogant and takes far too many risks, it will take more than a few adventures for Knuckles to fully change his opinion on Sonic.
Hunnid-P and Marlon Saunders do a great job of bouncing off each other on this song, their voices and cadences clash with each other nicely almost like how Knuckles’ inner turmoil is split in two.
The beat is tantalizingly funky, for starters that bass line is smooth as butter and the song has a nice tempo, you get the occasional organ flourish and guitar riff that crescendo and just help to enhance the song even further. Overall a really solid track in my opinion, the content of the lyrics is interesting and the delivery is great, all over an extremely funky instrumental.

KICK THE ROCK - WILD CANYON

Probably my favorite song out of all Knuckles’ Stages, this one is definitely the most Jazzy and parallels nicely with Rouge, but has a distinctly Knuckles Twist.
That Sax and Organ combo just cause an absolute eargasm and those drums form such a nice tempo that makes this track such easy listening. Honestly there’s not a whole lot going on with this track and that is not a bad thing at all. Its simplicity is probably its biggest strength and is quite noticeable compared to something like Unknown From M.E.
Some Lyrics I found particularly interesting are:
“I'm feelin her in mysterious ways - That's why I stay on point like every single day - I gotta protect this place, I do it for my race”
Yeah yeah I know everybody finds this line and the play doh line inappropriate and funny, I understand the latter but honestly I could never get the outcry over this one
“I’m feelin her in mysterious ways” honestly, in my opinion, it’s not what you think. I’ve never really seen it as a sexual line “I’m feelin you” is basically another way of saying I get you, it’s basically Knuckles saying he gets Rouge, but he doesn’t know why and that kinda bothers him.
The context matters here and the lines after do give my interpretation some weight. It’s basically Knuckles saying to himself “I get this girl and I kinda mess with her, but I gotta job to do” Knuckles is intrigued by Rouge, he’s never met anybody like her and he obviously has some feeling towards her, though because of his lack of interaction with others he struggles to understand these feelings and instead of addressing them, he tries to ignore them and remain true to his job as Guardian
“Who could'a did this, that snitch named Rouge! - When I catch her, I'ma get her with these tools”
More obvious than the last one, but it still shows that Knuckles, despite his various different feelings toward Rouge, knows he has a job to do and tries to center himself to stay committed
Honestly it’s hard to choose between this or Unknown From M.E. as my favorite Knuckles track but either way its up there and definitely something I can bop to on the regular

A GHOST’S PUMPKIN SOUP - PUMPKIN HILL

The one everybody knows and honestly I get it, it’s got that smooth piano/guitar I can’t really tell what it is but it definitely slaps. It has that distinct G-Funk whistle which pops up occasionally across SA2K that simulates that stereotypically ghostly sound nicely
It’s definitely in contention with Deeper for the most lowkey Knuckles track and that’s saying something.
Not much content lyrically, but I managed to find a few interesting lines:
“I ain’t gonna let it get to me, I’m just gon creep - Down in Pumpkin Hill I gots to find my lost piece”
Something we don’t actually see a lot from Knuckles, fear! Most of this song is about Knuckles’ fearlessness being tested, if you view this as Knuckles’ internal monologue (Which if you don’t at this point then I’ve been doing something wrong 😂) its less about the song telling us how tough Knuckles is, but Knuckles reassuring himself that he can do this.
He’s obviously trepidatious over being in Pumpkin Hill and he has to take a moment to center himself and reassure himself that “I’m Knuckles, I’m not afraid of anything” again this goes back to how Knuckles uses his job as Guardian and his duty to motivate himself and push forward through situations, regardless of his own fear.
“I’m hearing someone saying “You a chicken, don’t be scared!” - It had to be the wind, cause nobody wasn’t there”
Considering the haunted theming of this level, this very clearly (on the surface) seems to be Knuckles encountering a ghost taunting him, but I might present another angle.
This is just Knuckles’ inner thoughts again, though this time its doubt, he doesn’t believe he can find the pieces of the Master Emerald and he doesn’t think he can make it through Pumpkin Hill, yet he pushes through anyway. This one’s kinda far fetched but it’s a nice idea
I don’t adore this track as much as a lot of other people (ironically) but I can still Jive with it.

DIVE INTO THE MELLOW - AQUATIC MINE

First of all, this track does a great job at just sounding watery, the filtered organ and the echoey bass just make it sound like cave ambience turned into music
Most of this track’s lyrics center around Knuckles’ yearning to be something more than just the Guardian of the Master Emerald and to be his own individual, these are:
“Makes you wanna sit back, enjoy the life - And do things you like doing, get to shine”
Knuckles, if it wasn’t for all the enemies and hazards, obviously enjoys being in Aquatic Mine, so much so that it brings his thoughts of a better life to the front of his mind.
This shows what Knuckles really wants, to be unburdened from the Master Emerald and to just be free to kick it wherever, in a way he’s jealous of the freedom Sonic has and wishes he wasn’t tied down to Angel Island.
“I stay Knuckled up, I’m in a deep cut”
Knuckles, despite his ideals of peace and relaxation is always ready to do what he believes is right, again this whole OST is basically Knuckles reconciling his wants and his duties.
Again Knuckles isn’t really equipped to deal with these feelings and instead of addressing them, he pushes them down and buries them under his duty and tries to keep himself busy, though once he gets to Aquatic Mine where he’s forced to slow down and explore methodically, he’s suddenly unable to distract himself from his true feelings.
“In a maze, and I don't know what to do Guaranteed though, imma find the Emeralds”
Again an obvious allusion to the labyrinthine Aquatic Mine on the surface, though I believe this too has a deeper meaning.
Knuckles is lost and confused emotionally, he’s confronted by these different feelings that conflict with everything he’s ever known. His thoughts on freedom and his feelings for Rouge which he doesn’t quite understand both conflict with his role as Guardian and he can’t reconcile them.
“I don’t know what to do” in a rare moment of vulnerability, Knuckles admits that he has no idea how to manage these feelings and he’s grappling with the monumental task of managing his panicked thoughts.
Then, just as you think Knuckles is gonna start making a breakthrough, what does he do? “Guaranteed though, imma find the Emeralds” That’s right, instead of finally addressing his swirling thoughts, he pushes them down and once again distracts himself with his duty.
Honestly, like Pumpkin Hill, I know it’s a reach but it tracks with what we know Knuckles’ character has been up to this point and it gives him insane depth and really humanizes him.
A funky beat, a nice flow from Hunnid P and some really humanizing characterization of Knuckles, Dive Into The Mellow is definitely a hidden gem of the OST.

DEEPER - DEATH CHAMBER

Sooooooo chill, honestly this song is so calm and smooth, it’s so underrated on this soundtrack it really is another hidden gem like Dive Into the Mellow.
First off I absolutely adore the bass this track has, it sounds like it’s been bit compressed for a Gameboy and honestly I’m all here for it, gives it a nice techno Eggmany twist. The funky guitar and sax just enhances the mood, the song sounds almost echoey like you’re actually standing in a Death Chamber.
Lyrically this song is unique in that it’s basically just a long conversation between Sonic and Knuckles instead of Knuckles’ inner thoughts/monologue.
It’s an interesting dynamic where Sonic is actually the reasonable one, willing to put aside his and Knuckles’ differences aside for the greater good. Knuckles however is initially a bit more standoffish, but Sonic talks him into it by appealing to his guardian nature and calling him out on his stubbornness, basically forcing Knuckles to admit that Sonic is right and that they’ll be much better off working together.
Honestly not much to say, it’s pretty much all spelled out in the song, but interesting nonetheless. An understated and uniquely funky beat make this track stand out among the others nicely, definitely a great listen.

SPACE TRIP STEPS - METEOR HERD

Finally, the last song. In my opinion, Space Trip Steps is probably the weakest track musically. That doesn’t make it bad, far from it, I just can’t groove with it as easily as the others
This song takes a lot more inspirations from G-Funk than the other tracks which does give it quite a unique sound amongst the soundtrack, it wouldn’t sound out of place on The Chronic or Regulate… G Funk Era. The wavy synths and sharp base with the fast tempo give it an almost garage feel too, definitely not a sound for everyone but I think it does a good job at sounding very ethereal and space like
As for lyrics, this seems to be a turning point for Knuckles as a loner:
“Took a shuttle to space and left from our homes At least we're with friends and I'm not all alone”
Knuckles is in a completely foreign environment and feels completely out of his depth, however he feels comforted by the fact that he’s surrounded by the people he’s finally started to call his Friends, the first time he’s admitted such.
He’s forced now to acknowledge that he can’t do everything by himself, and that asking for help from his friends doesn’t make him any less of a man, he finally accepts that he can trust outsiders, but he still has a ways to go.
“Bad thing was that the Emeralds spilled - Gotta search space, man, time to get ill”
Still, Knuckles is bound and almost blinded by his duty, forcing himself to abandon his friends to search for the Master Emerald pieces that were scattered in space.
It’s clear now that Knuckles isn’t too happy to leave his friends, but as we’ve come to know him, he does the typical Knuckles thing of pushing his feelings to the side in the face of doing what he believes is right. This just tells us Knuckles still has a lot to work on before he can really come to terms with who he is.
Again, a pretty unconventional track so it can be an awkward listen and definitely not my favorite on the list, but it does something unique which I can definitely give it props for, Hunnid P even has a completely different flow, dragging out his words like he’s getting further away, hammering home that space theme.

CONCLUSION

And that’s it, if you made it this far through my long winded ramblings, then I’m extremely impressed 😂 I tried to trim the fat as best I could but I ended up getting a bit too attached to most of what I wrote
Honestly I feel like these songs have been unfairly painted as the silly crappy Knuckles rap songs with bad lyrics that are only good because of their instrumentals, and I just can’t agree with that.
I feel like in a lot of ways these songs do a much better job of characterizing Knuckles than SA1 or SA2, I really wish we got see more of his inner turmoil and him butting heads with Sonic in the game itself.
I think it’s a sad thought that for a long time, Knuckles has been a shadow of his former self (Har har) and has just been relegated to the token meathead that’s about as one dimensional as a square. Frontiers is definitely a step in the right direction and I’m excited to see what the new writing team can cook up with for his character.
But what are your thoughts though? Do you agree? Disagree? Did I manage to change your mind or have you always felt this way? Maybe you have a different take or something else to add? I’d love to hear it.
ML

"Good evening, tributes, and welcome back to the stories of Panem. Before we begin, I would like to thank Christian Blanco, the original writer of "Tales of the Hunger Games," and Lauren from "Panem Reborn." Now, since I don't have too much else to say, let's go!
Game 114 (150):
District 1: Jacqueline and Facet
District 2: Malona and Crane
District 3: Darlene and Colt
District 4: Brook and Harbor
District 5: Unknown girl and Darian
District 6: Fifi and Atlas
District 7: Bloom and Amarylio
District 8: Scarlet and Carter
District 9: Zest and Mazin
District 10: Zulu and Mateo
District 11: Unknown girl and Lee
District 12: Dorothy and Hargree
District 14: Both unknown
A plethora of excitement crossed the capital over the past year, especially their beloved commentator Camilia Ravenstil's pregnancy, which resulted in her giving birth to twins named Amelia and Cyrus, to honor the past two Game Makers. Even Winnow's victory was still in high popularity.
As the reapings rolled around on July 4th, many of the capital citizens flew to their TVs and viewing parties. Winnow made her journey from district to district with her mother and entourage from the capital. When she landed in District 4 on the late morning of the third day of the reapings, she was greeted by Mayor Chigwell. After a rather long tour of the district's harbors and jewelry stores, they stopped at a nearby seaside diner for a brief lunch. Viewers in Snow Square laughed at Winnow's face of pure boredom as Mayor Chigwell ranted about the latest trends in the district's fashion. Winnow's face soon turned to relief as the mayor brought her back to the district's reaping square.
After a little bit of time, the light blue-catered youths were walked into the square by rather impatient Peacekeepers. Mayor Chigwell finished up his speech before welcoming Winnow to the stage. She gave out a rather tired smile at the district's population before talking about the joys of being a victor. She then asked if any of the girls wanted to volunteer. After hearing no response, she then took out the name of 17-year-old Brook Branachok.
Brook was found in the back of the 17-year-old section. Her platinum blonde hair made her quite noticeable to viewers in Snow Square. She sighed dramatically before flipping her blonde hair back in a dramatic manner as her piercing blue eyes even made some of her nearby peers shudder in fear as Brook arrived at the stage and shook Winnow's hand. "She was later described as a 'rich high school bully' by commentators. The girls in a mood," Winnow laughed before shaking Brook’s hand before walking to the male reaping bowl. After a brief silence, she thrusted her hand elbow-deep before taking out the name of 17-year-old Harbor Zanders. A brief pause soon followed by a discussion as a boy with dark brown curly hair with a smattering of light brown freckles on his face gave a guilt-ridden smile before walking up to the stage. However, as a group of teens his age giggled, Harbor turned back and glared at the giggling boys as they suddenly grew quiet. Harbor soon took out a flask of wine. Capital citizens laughed as Harbor found one of his friends and tossed it to him before walking back up to the stage. Back in the capital, both Camilia and Silca and even most of the audience had been surprised at the pair's striking attitudes.
Harbor then shook Brook and Winnow’s hand before they were announced as this year's tributes for District 4 before moderate applause followed. Winnow soon brought the two tributes to the drawing room before she made her journey to District 3 with her entourage.
Brook was visited by her mother, father, and four younger sisters clinging dearly onto their sister. After successfully removing her sobbing siblings, Brook’s mother calmed her daughter down as her father, Coral, gave the best advice he could offer. Peacekeepers soon came in to bring Brook to the waiting dock. She waved and said she’d "At least try to win."
As for Harbor, he was visited by his mother, father, and his younger and older brothers. As his siblings were saddened as well as his parents, Harbor embraced them all in a tight hug. Before he was needed at the dock, his girlfriend Melanie even joined in this hug causing Harbor to show some emotion.
After a few more minutes, peacekeepers soon brought Harbor out of the room to join Brook at the dock as the pair boarded the jet boat to the capital.
"Man, you've been through the ringer, haven't you?"
"Same goes to you, girl. Haven't seen you in a year."
The pair soon chatted with each other about their experiences at the academy and gossiping about old friends. Brook, in particular, laughed hysterically when Harbor mentioned how his ex-girlfriend got karma returned to her when she crashed a birthday party at Harbor’s dad's bar, resulting in the peacekeepers putting her in the district's jail for a month.
However, as the pair tried to dine upon the food provided, the boat hit a bump resulting in Brook, Harbor, four avoxes, the dining table, and nine peacekeepers to go flying up into the sky. Thankfully, no harm came between the fifteen as the peacekeepers then helped the two back up as a new lunch buffet was arrived. And so did their mentor, Sienna Shoreville, victor of the 105th Hunger Games, arrived in.
"I don't want you two to ally with the 2s, maybe the 1s, depends on how they are."
Brook looked curiously at Sienna before saying, "Didn't Anamaria get her neck snapped by the girl a year prior?"
Sienna groaned in annoyance at remembering this cringeworthy death before walking to the bar carriage before inviting the two to join. As Sienna asked the pair about their lives, she laughed while listening to Harbor telling some stories of working at his dad's bar and the customers who would frequent the place. However, when Sienna asked Brook about her life and possible skills, Brook sighed before saying, "I guess looking pretty’s a skill."
Sienna laughed before replying, "For getting sponsors, yes, but not when you're in a fight to the death."
As this reality check wiped the smile from Brook’s face, she and Harbor finished up their meals before listening more to Sienna’s lecture about the games. And as an act to see if her tributes were actually paying attention, she quizzed them on the dos and don'ts in the capital. As Harbor passed this quiz, Sienna laughed before allowing him some "Capital Goodies." However, as Brook blatantly failed the quiz, she laughed and called Harbor a "suck-up" before walking to her room.
Sienna looked at Harbor for a second before saying, "I guess she’s either related to the mayor or is a spoiled rotten brat."
"She usually brags about her rich family members, always thinks she's better than everyone."
"And trust me, the girl ain't pretty."
Sienna and Snow Square laughed as she then patted him on the back before""telling him to get a 'nap' in before they were to arrive in the capital."
He nodded before Brook returned. It is unknown what the two girls talked about for the remainder of the trip, but our historians have noted that Brook’s scowl from before had dissolved for the time being. As evening rolled around, the pair from District 4's boat landed at Mcaine dock as an excited crowd of capital citizens swarmed the pair from 4 and their very popular mentor, who had been giving out her new jewelry to some of her lucky fans.
Brook and Harbor performed rather well, with the capital citizens enjoying their "feisty sailor attitudes." Even some reporters from Golden 24 put up a most popular tribute poll with Harbor and Brook being in the top 3, narrowly beating Fifi from District 6.
Sienna then thanked the capital for their time before taking her tributes to the limousine. Once it arrived at the accommodation tower, they arrived at the 4th floor. After arriving, Sienna called their stylist, Orivile Cartwright.
Orivile embraced Sienna before showing his tributes his pre-made outfits, which were Sailor themed, which made Brook and Harbor smile. Due to them having a fair amount of time left, Sienna displayed the post-reaping commentaries before turning on the commentary for District 1 as Orivile worked away at the pairs' outfits.
Mayor Cassino greeted a very exhausted Winnow Fraiser. Also accompanying the mayor was Realm Jones, victor of the 101st Hunger Games, and Quintin Mahoney, victor of the 108th Hunger Games, joined Winnow on the initial tour. Winnow appeared to be star-struck sitting between both iconic victors. She even turned around to Quintin saying, "I can't believe I get to meet a legend like you."
Quintin laughed before giving Winnow some comic relief during the tour, telling her about his games and even asking a few questions about her own games. At the conclusion of the tour, Realm's eyes lit up in delight as he saw his own capital mentor, Narcissa Valentions, warmly embracing her mentee.
"So what're you doing here?"
"I had some time off. I figured I'd come by and see how you've been doing. Business at my shop has been bustling as ever, so I figured I’d take a break to see my first victor."
As Realm and Narcissa soon walked over to the talent demonstrations together, Quintin laughed as Mayor Cassino welcomed the scarlet youths. Winnow was then brought up to the stage. She asked if any of the youths wanted to volunteer, becoming surprised when 10 ladies and 8 gentlemen volunteered for the role of tribute for District 1. Silca joked with Camilia, saying, "It's normal for them, isn't it?"
With the ladies' many remarkable weapon displays and archery displays, 18-year-old Jacqueline Faywether had been announced as the final volunteer to try her luck. She smiled at many nearby cameras as even one enthralled boy in the audience fainted seeing the rather extractive career girl.
She shot 10 arrows blindfolded and threw 8 knives in the letter J form, causing even more ripples of laughter sounded in the square. The mayor announced the two passing tributes. As for the two tributes, Jacqueline’s only remaining opponent, Jewel, had almost won the title of female tribute but had a stroke leading to Jacqueline to win the title of female tributes.
As for the guys, 18-year-old Facet Elixithorn had made himself a crowd and capital favorite by his spear-throwing display and to ending in a handstand with wild applause following. Three guys made it to the debate round with Realm this time asking the questions. With poise and dignity, Lance’s strong mind and less nerves had won him the title of male tribute for District 1.
After the pair were bathed and stylized, they were then brought out to the square as they then shook Winnow’s hand before she announced Jacqueline and Facet were announced as the tributes for District 1.
And after a brief meeting with their families and friends with not too much emotion, Jacqueline and Facet were then brought to the train as the train began their journey to the capital.
Narcissa, Realm, and Quintin then greeted their tributes with Jacqueline and Facet being surprised seeing their district's first victor’s mentor. Quintin soon brought the four to the table having a brief dinner with Narcissa asking the two if they had any skills besides their ‘weapons of choice.’ Quintin was pleased to hear of Jacqueline's diverse skills of weaponry before bragging to her district partner about her achievements at the Kobayashi self-defense center. However, instead of being jealous, Facet asked his district partner about her accomplishments.
Realm and Quintin were pleased with their tributes getting along with each other before showing the past reapings in the districts. Facet and Jacqueline laughed hysterically at the District 2 reaping games even Narcissa let out a smile. Quintin then asked the pair if there had been “Other commendable allies besides the non-dazzling loonies from 2 besides Jade and Hermina, they are dazzling.” Realm also chimed in adding that they should “Look for others.”
However, as Jacqueline was going to ask why Realm shushed her and said, “The career pack has their on and off years.” Jacqueline nodded before Quintin continued talking to the pair about the past reapings. Facet and Jacqueline even suggested the girl from 3 and the pair from 4 as potential allies. Realm appeared to consider this before Quintin added in that “He would see what he could do.”
As the pair nodded, the pair from 1’s train arrived in the outskirts of the capital. Narcissa soon styled the pair up, quietly complaining to Realm of how Jacqueline's red hair and Facet's long blonde curls were impossible to tame. The train then arrived in the capital with the usual excited capital crowd marveling scarlet couture. Jacqueline and Facet were both outstanding hits with the capital citizens maintaining proper etiquette. However, two capital lights had to be removed from the audience after heckling Facet about his district partner. Narcissa then wished Jacqueline and Facet luck before kissing Realm and Quintin on the cheek. Realm and Quintin then thanked the capital citizens for their time before bringing the pair from 1 to the limousine as it brought them to their accommodation tower.
Once they arrived at their accommodation tower apartment, they were greeted by their stylist, Aurelia Heavensbee. She smiled at the four of them before whisking them to the dining table showing them her designs for the parade. Jacqueline in particular was marveling at her long ruby dress as Facet jokingly told Jacqueline that they looked like a “walking jewel.” However, Aurelia frowned as Realm glared at Facet as the smile was wiped from his face. The pair then groaned in annoyance at their stylist's bland outfits.
Before the pair were then brought to the parade moments later, Facet and Jacqueline were immediately approached by Malona and Crane, both from 2 introducing themselves. However, Facet cut the pair off from further words, saying, “the career pack is gonna be different this year.” As Malona protested, Jacqueline said, ‘thanks but no thanks.” Both Jade Heath and Herminia Gold looked at the District 1 mentors in bewilderment as they also reciprocated. However, the pair from 1 then came over to the pair from 4 chatting with their mentor.
“Darling, you look stunning.”
“Oh, thank you, you dazzling ruby.”
Brook and Jacqueline seemed to obtain an instant connection. As Facet complemented Harbor’s outfit. Harbor smiled good-naturedly back before chatting away with him about lives in their districts. Facet soon asked the pair if they would be interested in an alliance in the arena; however, Sienna leaned in this conversation asking “Where are the 2s?”
Jacqueline then replied that they were “trying something new this year” before pointing at the pair making fun of Mateo from 10’s cow-themed parade outfit. Sienna shrugged as Brook and Harbor warmly accepted the offer as Facet and Jacqueline smiled saying “splendid see you soon.” When the pair from 1 got back, Realm popped up asking “You with the 4s this year.” As the pair nodded, Realm smiled and nodded with Quintin and Aurelia doing their touch-ups to their tributes' outfits. Sienna commended the pair for “making friends already,” she still urged caution before re-adding in “The 2 mentors there are my ride or dies but still keep your eyes on them if needed.”
The pair then nodded as the parade then began. Regal applause and cheers sounded for the pair from 1, but Nico Anderson lead editor of Anderson Fashion applauded for their strong impression but said the dress was “So Basic.” The pair from 4 were given a large amount of applause as Harbor and Brook waved at the audience even performing an old dance known as a “Jig”. The pair were also given a boatload of flowers and chocolate resulting in both Brook and Harbor sneezing uncontrollably at the end of the parade during President Mcaine's speech. Best dressed was ultimately awarded to the pair from 4 with their sailor-themed couture.
When the pair from 1 arrived back in their district apartment, they were glaring daggers from afar at Aurelia,
“How did it go.”
“How did it feel getting harshly criticized on live TV.”
Quintin shot Jacqueline a disapproving look as Realm asked if there other worthy allies. Both mentors were pleased hearing their success with the pair from 4 before Realm reassured them that they still looked “dazzling” before sending his tributes to bed. However, with the pair from 4, Sienna warmly embraced the two of her tributes on a best-dressed win. As Orville also joined in the group hug has the 4 of them partied till around 11:30 pm until Sienna sent her tributes to bed as she and Orville stayed up a while longer.
Bright and early the following morning, the mentors ushered their tributes to the training center with a very frustrated Apollo Price. Unfortunately, during his speech about the rules of the training center, he tasered Mateo from 10 after he tried to make a break for the door after Price’s speech concluded. Mateo’s mentor Bianca Jr Ramon rolled her eyes before dropping her mentee at the knife station.
The newly made career alliance between the District 1 and 4 tributes conquered most of the training stations with Facet and Harbor bonding over dropping and throwing large weights causing Fifi from 6 to wet herself earning a smirk from the boys. When Mateo awoke from his unconscious slumber, he immediately ran to Mateo asking him to spare. Since Mateo was no older than 14 and he was the youngest tribute the careers laughed before Facet told him to “Buzz off”. However, as Mateo continued to pester the career boys, Harbor gave Facet a knowing look before accepting Mateo’s sparing request.
A short crowd of tributes went to the jousting stations as Mateo and Harbor were briefed on the rules before being allowed to go at it. It was no surprise that Harbor won all 4 rounds.
“Easy”.
Harbor smiled warmly before being tackled to the ground by the 14-year-old boy from 10.
“You think you're better than me HA you rotten career boy.”
As Price Facet Brook and even Sienna tried to step in Harbor held his hand up to stay back. Harbor then threw the boy off him before pinching the nerve on Mateo’s neck knocking him clean out. As training master Price and Sienna looked at him in bewilderment before Price smiled saying
“Good job kid”.
Harbor smiled before Facet and he returned to the weight station and survival, knife and axe stations even giving advice to Amarylio from 7 with starting fires.
As for the girls they mainly gossiped to themselves and having “Girl talk” at the aquatic station sword station and archery stations. When any tribute tried to use the archery station both Jacqueline and Brook would melodicaly but fiercely slam there weapons into the targtes.
At the end of the traing head master price brought the tributes to the asscors room. Due to the request of the new head game maker the tributes assesment scores were kept strictly confidential. However tabloid reporters manage to scoop out that Jacqueline Facet Harbor and Malona from to managed to score at the top of the pack with a 11. Brook and Amarylio scored a 9 and at the bottom of the pack was Mateo and Hargree from 12 scoring a 3 each.
Both Sienna Quintin and Realm were beyond impressed with there tributes scores before they’re stylist sketched up potential outfits with there mentors soon quizing the pairs on interview educate.
Camilia Ravenstil welcomed the excited capital audience modeling a rather gothic dress that made her look like a ghost tree by the audience. The audience even laughed good naturedly as Camilia shook for a second as leaves fell of her costume as if wind had hit her. She then exictedly welcomed Jacqueline from 1. She was adorned in a stunning pink and red dress with her hair put up in braids. The two had some gossip before reavling to the audience that she was a decdent of Emarld Rivelta victor of the 34th hunher games. Camilia slapped her knee and laughed saying “Thats who you resmbl I guessed right I knew it!”
As the girls chatted the audience loved her regal responses to Camilas questions as even mentoning the carrer alliance brought the crowd into rapsous cheers,even when she talked about her allies from 4 openly. She then kissed Camilia on the hand before bowing which caused even more cheers before she was dismissed back stage. Facet was welcomed in next marveling a sleeveless pink suit with ruby jeans making many of the capital audience to swoon over his physeigue. Even Camilia was taken aback by his charm and confidence as he spoke about his training experience and the strength of his alliance with Jacqueline. His witty remarks and easygoing demeanor captivated the audience, earning him loud applause and admiration.
Later on into the night brook was welcomed in next with wild cheers and wolf whistles sounding. With her hair being dyed a pure yellow with a light brown dress resembling sand following her. She proceeded to have the same amount of banter with Camilia as Jacqueline did however Camilia cut her off as she was finshing up talking about her dads money saying “Honey this is the hunger games.”
“Yeah and Ill live how I like before the games.”
As a few jeers sounded the rest of her interview was rather dull the only light being Camilia shooing the “Regina George” of the stage. As Camila then called Harbor loud cheers sounded again as Harbor walked on to the stage with his curly black hair and brown eyes making him quite attrauctive to many even his pirate themed coustume became an over night sensation with many fashion designers stating that they wanted this fashionable suit.
As Camilia asked Harbor about the games becoming pleased with his short but sweet responses. Even cracking some good jokes about the other competitors mainly about Bloom from 7 and Mateo from 10 . To conclude Harbor’s inteviwed he tossed his waist coat to teh crowd as an excited gagle of captial ladies clammered for this waist coat. As his interview ended on a high. Finaly after the interview of the boy from 14 the new head game maker Natellia Swan was welcomed to the stage. Head game maker swan was adorned in a regal black gown also sporting garish make up making her resmble more of ghost then human. After introducing herself to the excited capital audience Camila smiled before shaking her hand saying that “Game maker swan has alot to accept from.” She laughed before giving hint out to teh audience by pointing to both of the laides dresses. Curious osund sof inteirgue soon followed as game maker swan smiled and bowed as she then left the stage as Camilia then ended the interviews there. The next morning tributes were given a breif breakefst before being brought to the arena’s holding room.
This years outfits consisted of black coats with black jeans and snakers with there distristicts nymbers stickered on the back of there coats. Realm visited Facet before reminding him to stick with Jacqueline and Harbor and Brook. However before Realm finished Facet replied “That girl Brook might be problem.” Realm nodded and agreed before reminding him to keep an eye on her before shaking his hand as he went into his tube. Jacqueline was visited by Quintin the pair had a similar conversation as Realm did with Facet before Jacqueline embraced Quintin and thanked him joking “District 1 needs more ladys.” Quintin laughed before hugging her back before walking Jacqueline to her tube. As for Brook she was not visited by Sienna nor Orvilve a fact that suprised her the most but shrugged before patiently puting her hair up in a bun and waiting for the tribute call to sound. As for Harbor Sienna visted him. She embacred Harbor before reminding him to “ Keep an eye on all of them.”
Harbor smiled before thanking Sienna for her mentor ship before Sienna walked Harbor to his tube his tube and at mid day the podiums then arose into the arena.
Arena Ghosty lake Game 114

No, you probably don’t have as much body hair as me and no, you cannot pretend to relate to me if you do not have as much body hair as me. It genuinely upsets me when women with a normal amount and placements of body hair say they feel the same when I feel just as alien from them as from the rest (don’t argue with me on this this is not a debate). To put it in perspective, I am covered in dark hairs EVERYWHERE, from forehead to toes, not a nook or cranny goes untouched by the hairy godmother on this body. And to put salt on the wound, hair removal always causes me skin issues no matter my routine (also please don’t recommend laser this only makes me upset)
Every experience, struggle, emotion, desire and whatnot people talk about is in some way removed from me due to my body hair. My excessive facial and body hair has become the centre of my life, without even knowing it I’m basing my schedules and happiness around shaving. I cannot buy 90% available clothing online if for one day I don’t want to shave.
I don’t have the energy to shave everything so I stay miserable and even when I do, the fairytale ends a day later when it grows back and bumps start to form (despite my best efforts to prevent them).
I keep myself from even enjoying a fantasy of love (making) because I am so unhappy with the state of myself and cannot imagine trying to convince a man to see beyond my hairy vessel. I convince myself I don’t like swimming to keep myself from the anguish that comes with swimming; becoming even more aware of your body, while looking at others with envy, wondering how I would’ve lived my life not feeling restricted by a hairy prison.
Even when I find someone who relates, they have other things going on for them. Alongside being fugly under my clothes, I am a nobody under my skin. I am slowly losing myself in this curse that is BDD as it consumes my whole life, even taking over what I have loved so unconditionally in the past.
It hurts going through every day with only this on my mind, while the people around me would genuinely not fathom even a fraction of what living life like this is like. They complain to me about their bodies and even their body hair with zero regard of how I feel when I know that if they were me they would do anything to be anyone else. Even when I talk about it with friends, nobody can understand, and its not their fault at all, but it makes me feel alone and weird.
I know men would rather have an easier to deal with girlfriend, one that can go swimming whenever, one that is ready for him in bed whenever, someone he can touch whenever, someone who has soft skin at all times. How could I ever let anyone in or pursue someone when this is my reality? No online dating advice or coach feels relatable to me, they never have to deal with this and would never know how to give me advice other than to ‘find someone who will accept me’ basically confirming I am a living defect.
Summer makes everything worse for me. I am in constant pain and all I want is the summer to be over, I tried to like it, I tried to make it work for me. I can’t.. and if one day I wont feel like this again, it cannot feel farther away.
This dictates my whole life, it motivates my every move, it defines my very being. Nobody seems to grasp this. I am so alienated from everyone.
I am driven by hatred of that what grows on me with no mercy.

Apologies as this is probably going to be a long entry.
Earlier this year I started a new job in the police, to do this I left another job in the prison service where I was doing well. This was a position which my girlfriend told me to apply for as it was where she worked and was more money. I accepted, applied and got the job. She appeared really happy that I got the job and it was supposed to be our way out of my mum's house where we both lived.
On the evening of my second shift I had to stay up to the early hours of the morning to pick up my girlfriend. She had to stay late as she was having some serious issues with her mental health including self harm and suicidal thoughts. I have been supportive of this taking up extra duties in the house and doing my lions share to sort her as I always have. She told me that she stayed late to talk about previous traumas. She told me about them when I picked her up and I stayed up to talk to her to make sure she was ok. We had a really good talk where I was supportive and said we would get through it together and I'll do what I can to make life easier. I woke up and went to work and when I finished I was walking to the gate and 3 detectives asked me to follow them and took me to the gate where everyone was leaving took my eppilettes and badge and informed me that I was under arrest for an alleged assault on my girlfriend.
Just for context I would never lay a hand on a woman especially not in anger or frustration, I know the second you lose your temper you lose the argument so if anything ever started feeling heated I would leave so we both had time to cool down and have a proper conversation.
I was very confused however pressumed they had mistaken me with an ex-boyfriend who I know had assaulted her and she was talking to her manager about it. Because of this I wasnt to worried as I knew I had never done anything that was even close to assault, I'm not saying we were perfect , we argued but it was always verbal (at least from my end) and always came to a reasonable end. We never lost our temper with each other.
When I got to the station they said that she had said that I slapped her once outside a bar, I was shocked by this and when they said it was 9 months ago I knew they hadn't mistaken me for her ex as we were together for four years by this point. I was placed in prison Grey's and put in a cell then interviewed. They released me on bail with conditions not to contact her and they took my phone for evidence incase I had messaged anyone admitting that I slapped her. I need to stress at this point that THIS NEVER HAPPENED.
The case was classed as a no further action after a month of pointless attempts to crack my phone and trying to persuade myself and my girlfriend to give them the pin which I refused to do without being told by the court that I had to. As a result of this whole incident I lost my job in the police and cannot reapply as now I have an arrest on my record. My life fell apart as a result of this whole thing and now my degree in policing and criminal investigation seams like a complete waste. Any jobs I want and suit are in public service or military and this throws a massive spanner in the works.
When I first saw her we went through everything that had happend and why she said it. She said that we were playing about and that I had tapped her face which she found disrespectfu but that she never meant that she wanted police involvement as she had kicked me first. Again this had never happend. I have spoken to many police officers and staff that I know who have said that it sounds suspicious and that they had absolutely no reason to arrest me if what my girlfriend had told me was true. When I said this and said would she get the transcript of what was said as it was a recorded session she said "what if I have remembered wrong" this shook me to my core as it strikes me as she has said more than what she told me. She had also changed her story about when and what happened.
As a result of this whole thing I have lost loads of trust, money, motivation and I'd be lying if I hadnt suffered some darker thoughts such as driving my car into a wall at 100mph. I was looked at by people I didn't know as a wife bearer and it made me sick. To top it off she got everything she wanted as she wanted to move out but financially we couldn't save money for a house and we would also be leaving my mum in the shit if we left as we payed all the bills. To avoid this I let her stay at my mum's and I slept in my car so she was close to work and could continue her way of life. However she decided she knew best and got an appartment which we now both live in and I can't afford. She's also saying that she's more confident now and showed me messages of guys who are trying to get in her pants. Meanwhile I have gone from being confident and strong to being a complete shell of my former self. And she didn't want to take any responsibility for any of it. She also told me that she had my back and told the manager that reported me to the police that she was upset with her however looking at the messages to her manager she was nothing but friendly with her.
My head's fucked, I feel betrayed, small, insignificant and like everything that happend to me just didn't matter to her. I don't know what to do, I'm trying to get my head right by going back to the gym but my motivation is shot. I don't know if I can trust her anymore and I feel bitter and resentful. What do I do to start feeling better and should I confront her about what I've gone through because of her bullshit story or should I just leave. I want to make it work as this is the only bad thing in our relationship. But it's fucking written me off and I don't know how I can get past it. I appreciate any advice or guidance to help me get past this portion of my life.

For context I am a 22 year old Greek Orthodox male and my ex girlfriend is 20 year old evangelical (even though she claimed to be atheist). I just read your thread story you said how your priest told you to break up with your RCC due to religious differences. I am writing this to say this happened to me as well. My ex girlfriend broke up with me due to “Cultural/Religious” differences. She did not like the idea of me wanting an Orthodox wedding and our kids going to Sunday and Greek School. I cried and begged her to change her mind and that we are still young where things can change. Alas, we still broke up. I was (still am) very upset by it and talked to my priest about it. He gave me the same advice that it would not have worked out and it was better for us to break up now than later. (We dated for a year and a half and she was my first real relationship). Even though I am still hurting he was right. Better now than later when we are about to be married. I am glad to hear that I am not the only one who has dealt with these religious differences. As for other people who are dealing with the same thing currently, let this be a message to them. Be careful with who you date so conflicts like this won’t happen in the future to you

Beseiged by nasty rumours and a whisper campaign, Priyanka Chopra has decided to immerse herself in work and focus on her forthcoming music album. But while the 29-year-old Pee Cee has opted for a dignified silence in the face of nasty media whispers, friends of the actress claim that her calm faade is just that.
Juggling work, her father's illness, and these rumours have taken a toll on the star. In particular she is upset and flummoxed by the campaign unleashed by a powerful producer-director who can make and break careers in Bollywood. "At a recent party while he was feeding her cupcakes, she heard rumours of him bitching her out-all this is very hurtful," said a close associate of the actress who did not want to be identified. The associate-cum-friend believes that a powerful clique of star wives is behind this spate of anti-Priyanka stories. "Priyanka has done nothing wrong. If these women are insecure about their relationships with their husbands, they should sort it out with them, at home. Why should they attack her?" thunders the friend.
The actress, who along with Vidya Balan has often been seen as Bollywood's go-to girl for meaty writer-backed roles, has confided to her friends that whatever is happening to her could be a function of the way the male-dominated industry operates. But she refuses to let it affect her work. "The only way she can strike back is by doing more work, good work. And it is not just films. There is music, endorsements… she is a brand, a multi-faceted personality and there is no way any star-wife can take that away from her." Says the friend emphatically, adding, "To all those who are calling her names, we would like to ask them, what are your achievements? You will only be remembered as Mrs so and so…!"
As for the stars that have allegedly refused to work with the actress, another friend counters by pointing out that she has always maintained a healthy professional relationship with her stars. "Truth is, she has not signed any new films for this year, as she is busy till October. There are several big-ticket projects she has been approached for. But since she has a policy of not announcing any project before it is ready to go on the floors, people will have to wait until August for news on that front."
When Mumbai Mirror called for her version of the events, Priyanka said she would only talk about her work and the music album. "Whatever has happened is in the past," is all she would say.
However, her protective friends were more forthcoming. "Ever since she was nine years old Priyanka has been in awe of Shah Rukh Khan. But now she is scared to even utter his name in public, no matter how innocent or professional the context." Responding to rumours that the two will not be seen together because of various pressures, the friend says, "Priyanka and SRK shot together for Farhan Akhtar's adult literacy mission film recently. There is nothing on the anvil right now for them to share a platform in public." But sources close to the actress say they continue to remain friendly.
The actress, who is flying out of the country to finish work on her music album, has a lot going on in her life right now. For the last six months her father has not been keeping well. According to her concerned friends, it is not easy for her parents to read the vicious reports about their daughter every day.
"She is a feisty fighter, a hardworking girl and will not tolerate any attempts to discredit her
professionally," says the friend, before joining the actress on the sets of Krrish, where she is shooting till the wee hours of the morning
Poor Little Rich Gauri
Is she on the verge of a nervous breakdown or is she just a bratty star wife?
From being fiercely private to being Bollywood's biggest party animal – Gauri Khan's recent uncharacteristic and irregular behavior has left her husband and friends shocked. So, what's really going on with the gorgeous Mrs Khan?
Kicked out of London hotspot
Gauri Khan and friends were kicked out of famed London club Tramp, leaving lines of illegal substances and broken bottles of Champagne in their trail. Known for its infamous celebrity guests, the club is no stranger to nefarious activities, so the party of 10 must have been doing something seriously bad to have to be escorted out of the premises!
Partied till 7am at IPL without SRK
Despite her husband leaving South Africa mid IPL, Gauri decided to stay back and party till 7am every night with her four girlfriends. Fellow party animals were shocked to see that the usually reserved Gauri was letting her hair down on the dance floor, somthing no one had seen her do before. Masala! heard someone quipping, 'We want what she's on!'
Keeping bad company
From safe (and boring) K-Jo to wild (and bored) star wives, Bhavna Pandey and Maheep Khan and hot (and spoilt) south Mumbai IT girls Renu Chainani and Nandita Mahtani – Gauri has changed her company drastically in the past few years. SRK expressed how he did not approve of their group activities and was heard telling Gauri to 'grow up and accept the responsibilities that fame comes along with'. His harsh lecture, however, fell on deaf ears as she made plans to go to with the same friends to Europe, Miami and then LA soon after! When confronted about her irresponsible behavior and the fact that SRK was sitting at home playing video games with the kids, while Gauri was out partying and neglecting the kids, the latter lashed out at SRK telling him that he had no right to control her life and abused him. So angry was the actor that he finally threatened to leave for Mumbai with the kids if she didn't get her act together!
Fed up of being the perfect mrs Khan
For years now Gauri has played the role of the perfect star wife – dressing and acting the part, being seen with the right people (only those who SRK approved of!) and building an image that she exploited and enjoyed at the time. She confided in a friend saying: 'I am tired of living for the world of fans, I want to live for myself. Why can't I?'
Breaking free or breaking down?
While many of Gauri's friends believe that she's just living life for herself, other's are convinced that she is on the verge of a nervous breakdown!
Masala! verdict
Tired and fed up of playing the perfect celeb spouce, the allegedly bratty Gauri is trying to break free. A friend of the couple told Masala! "Gauri now wants to live life for herself. What's wrong with living in the fast lane?" Nothing, we guess, as long as she's got her seatbelt on and her hands firmly on the wheel!

Scenario with my ex
When we were together, she invited a man to thanksgiving who works closely with her at school as a teacher. She had never really mentioned him before. She told me that he wasn’t sure if he was going to his girlfriend’s place. I asked if he will be coming over with his girlfriend. She said she wasn’t sure. He shows up and brings a gift and when I asked him about his gf he changed the topic really fast. The entire time my fiancé talked to him and focused on him. I got some weird vibes the entire time from their interactions. Another time her text message pops up on the car dashboard with 3 rose emojis from him. I asked what that was about. She said she had shared how stressed she was at work and this man was just being supportive. I dismissed the thing. Fast forward to now - we broke up and he is now a frequent visitor. It has left me wondering if she had an emotional affair with him while we were in a committed relationship. What is your take on this?

hellos. it is me again. i am back with update about last post (if don’t know what i mean, feels free to check profile) will warn again, english is not best so if hard to understand, i apologize! but i have been practice more 😄
i finally am fully move in with bf. other night he let decorate a room to be girly because i always had dedicated room for art. i did not feels safe having one as soon as roommate allowed dog in house, but there is no dog to ruin me here. i feels so happy, safe, loved because he love me and respect me and there is no dog here to growl and act aggressive at me here. he always tell me how important i am to him, how much he love me and how he will make sure i stay happy with him.
a little over week ago (my birthday) roommate calls and ask for my part of rent money. i send her text about me move out and landlord should told her but she either ignore or didn’t receive message. she did not ask how am i, no happy birthday, no ask about where i have been. like they not notice i have been gone. now she reach out on my birthday of any day to ask for money for place i do not live anymore? i tell her i live with bf now and am sorry but no money for rent can come from me, especially now because i am looking for new better pay job. she sends sad message making me feel bad because she knows am really easy to make feel bad about stuffs that is not my fault. she says she is pay to get stuff for dog and wants to be a good gf and dog mom (what is that? i do not understand how can be mom to a dog?) and want to use money for that but needs money for rent too. i was confuse because should rent not be bigger importance? she can spoil dog later i think but no, she wants take money from me. cut it short my final answer is no and she does not respond message.
a few days later i happen to be getting out of car after buying hair products when they stop by taking stroll. i still wonder if they were going out of way to see me or if just happened to be walking around area. dog is barking and pulling on very weak and dirty leash. it does not look like the leash strong enough to hold dog of size, much less clearly aggressive pitbull. it not break around me but whole time i was scare leash would snap and dog would attack me. bf was not home he was at work so it was me, roommate, her gf, and dog. gf says they were taking walk and ask how i am doing. i tell her honestly, very happy. i did not mean to sound bragging in any way but not resist telling her how life has treat me now that i can feel safe in own home again. not scared to walk to another room for fear of be attacked. she act happy for me but she also looks so angry at me. i don’t know why? it is not like i told them to get rid of dog. do i wish they did? yes. not just because it is dog but because it is clearly aggressive. i realize now thanks to you all that moment dog was brought into home, they stop caring about me, their friend, for a dog that made miserable. even if i ask i doubt they would have rehome dog. i did what best for me, and i guess them, and move in with man who love me and would not hurt me like that.
as we are talking dog looks like ready to take bite out of me, pulling on leash. i wondered if both were angry enough to let dog loose to intimidate me just by way they were acting. i could not believe how quick we went from friends to me being scare of them and dog. while they did not say anything threaten exactly (we were catching up talk about life, i did because i did not want be childish), the body behavior and emotions were clear. they hate me for move out, but only notice because they need rent money? i tell them many time before i left that dog is making life hell but never listened. then i told was moving out before i officially did. when they brought dog with it felt like a threat, just having such dangerous thing around. like a warning and disrespect. “look, we only care about dog. here it is on very weak leash that can snap any time. we know how you feel about dogs and how scare you are, but not care about you anymore! by the way, can borrow some money for rent even though is not your responsibility anymore? here is sad story to make you feel guilt so say yes.”
i told bf what happen when he got home later that night, and he called them and said some very angry thing. i think he should have calm down (for his sake), but he basically told them never come my way again, especially with dog. that if they want talk, talk like adults and don’t include the thing that was a reason i move out. he said is dangerous dog and to not come crying to me when it gets put down because it kill someone or cause life change injuries. he can get very angry but he later tell me he just gets upset that NOW they decide to come sees me. NOW they want talk. we blocked both of them and i don’t really want be friends with them again because they toss me aside for dog like it was nothing. we went hell and back and it went down drain because of dog. not just any dog but badly train dog who might attack someone one day. i tell my family and they thinks am overreacting but i don’t think they ever understand until this happen to them. i mostly made post to tell you all am currently live dog free. am happy living here. it always smell clean, i can walk freely no fear. bf give me much love and attention. we have video game night or go out to eat or just be outside. i also got job for doordash today and am getting second job somewhere soon hopefully too because have interview tomorrow! it can get better, for anyone struggle living with dog. can be mentally drained but you are not alone. 🤗 thanks much for people that commented on last post. am thankful when people don’t make me feel crazy for saying dogs scare me and impact mental health in bad way. i don’t hate dogs for existence, just wish people could know that not everybody has to like them.

Time of Reading: 3 Minutes
My gf & I have been together for almost 13 months now.
She's my cousin which means her father is the brother to my mother (it's not inappropriate or taboo in my country to be in a relationship with your cousin FYI) & she's very caring - considerate - kind - overall great & we go on date nights regularly. Even had intercourse a couple times. Never fought or cursed / yelled at each other & only had 3 - 4 calm arguments where we talked about an issue over the phone. The issue being:
She believes she's not important to me even though honest to god - I love her greatly. She studies in a university - works a 9 - 5 & goes to gym every other day. We text during the day & I try to reply asap to hers. I make sure to call her when she's off from work when I was busy during the day & couldn't text her - & we talk at length about different topics. We go on date nights once every two weeks for two reasons both of which are because of me. 1st being it's a 90 minutes drive from my place to hers & I have to use my father's car. 2nd being I'm currently unemployed (finished my mandatory military service 3 months ago & I'm burning through my savings) & even though sometimes she pays our checks with no complains - I'd like to be the one paying & for her to save her money.
A couple of nights ago I called her to ask about her day & her answers were cold (either one word or short sentences). When I asked what's wrong, she brought up the argument that she believes she's not important to me & that she's disappointed that I ditch her to do other things, then continued to talk about instances of me "ditching" her the past couple of weeks when tbh I actually was busy with something, wasn't my intention to make her feel bad.
I tried explaining & that I'll try to make it up to her but she kept saying that I don't "understand" what she meant & started talking from the beginning. This happened 2 - 3 times & she kept mentioning that I didn't "understand" her words which made me slightly angry, to which I said: maybe "we" should spend a couple days away from each other to think about what the other person means since I don't "understand" what you're saying & talk to each other again in 2 or 3 days - to which she replied sarcastically: "take your time. you like spending time away from me anyway".
Afraid that our argument might turn into a fight, I said goodbye, waited to hear hers & then hung up. We haven't communicated in anyway for 3 days.
I intend to fix my relationship because I love her very much. But here's my question:
How can I assure my girlfriend that she mean more than everything to me? How do I show her my affection & feelings other than hugging - kissing or saying things like "I love you" to her? How do I make this "insecurity" of hers go away?
TLDR: My GF Thinks She's Not Important to Me (even though she is & I love her very much) & It's Causing Serious Problems to Our Relationship. How Do I Assure Her That She IS In Fact Important to Me?

Me and my girlfriend just broke up and after doing some recent texting I asked her a couple of questions, I'm going to paraphrase it to avoid anything if she sees this since she uses reddit. The story of it is, we dated since highschool and now both of us are in college. She just got her first job after what she wanted to take up in college that would lead to her career didn't work out, it was rough in the beginning since she wanted to quit but after my family and her family giving her encouragement she pushed through it. I had my career path planned out since highschool and everything has been easy for me. For her it hasn't, but still. I'm lost as to what happened. Shes 20 and I'm 21. She started her new career in law enforcement while I'm working in my college and also pursuing my dream degree. During the first initial break up she told me, "i lost interest." I accepted it and left. After some conversation with her Parents they told me shes unsure about what she wants and to give it time. I did and we set up a proper time for us to speak after a week or so of not talking. I had things i reflected on throughout the relationship and spoke to her about them and she did as well. At the end I asked for a second chance (stupid mistake, i guess). I can't remember what she told me after I finished reflecting but i just remember "I think we should be friends" after giving sometime for her to think. Here are the texts that we had the same day just at night.

• Me: Are you saying that you no longer want to be in a relationship with me and that you’re trying to let me down gently?
• Her: Yes, that’s correct.
• Me: So it’s not that you don’t want a relationship at all; it’s just that you don’t want to be with me anymore?
• Her: Yes, exactly.
• Her: I’m not in the right emotional state at the moment.
• Me: Okay, so you fell out of love with me and wanted to move on?
• Her: No, it’s not about falling out of love. My priorities are messed up, and I started feeling disconnected.
• Me: I understand that you’re going through a tough time. But when you love someone, wouldn’t you want to lean on them for support?
• Her: Yes, I tried, but it wasn’t working. That’s why I thought it was best for us to break up.
• Me: Did someone catch your interest at work, perhaps?
• Her: No, when we broke up, I wasn’t interested in anyone else. My focus was on you.
• Me: So how did you feel throughout this process? Leading up to the breakup, when you realized you didn’t want to be with me anymore—what outcome were you hoping for?
• Her: My answer remains the same: my priorities were messed up. I tried to work things out, but it wasn’t successful, I wasn't getting it right. For both our sakes, I felt it was better for us to be apart and grow individually. Ultimately, I wanted us to have clarity and understanding that we care deeply for each other and will always remain connected.

Thats basically it. I know it's probably pretty obvious, whatever the answer is and maybe i cant accept it. But three years? I just don't get what happened. It's not like she has a busy life-style. She works more than me but just has college to focus on besides that, and shes using CHAT-GPT to get by with that and also had me do her essays since i love writing. I have college, an Internship, and a Job and I'm also studying for certifications. I wish i would of asked what her priorities were at got messed up. But I didnt. I was still in shock this happened. I know both of us are still young and everything but even so, what the hell happened? Was it her job? Did life become to much? She sometimes goes through these moments of wanting to just shut down, but usually pulls through and i thought this was one of them but I guess not? Help me reddit, in your eyes what does this mean? I know I have to move on but it sucks. It was an awesome three years. We shared a lot of hobbies together, just for things to fall apart like this?

What does it mean to for my gf(20F) prioritize herself in a long-term relationship with me (21M)?

Me and my girlfriend just broke up and after doing some recent texting I asked her a couple of questions, I'm going to paraphrase it to avoid anything if she sees this since she uses reddit. The story of it is, we dated since highschool and now both of us are in college. She just got her first job after what she wanted to take up in college that would lead to her career didn't work out, it was rough in the beginning since she wanted to quit but after my family and her family giving her encouragement she pushed through it. I had my career path planned out since highschool and everything has been easy for me. For her it hasn't, but still. I'm lost as to what happened. Shes 20 and I'm 21. She started her new career in law enforcement while I'm working in my college and also pursuing my dream degree. During the first initial break up she told me, "i lost interest." I accepted it and left. After some conversation with her Parents they told me shes unsure about what she wants and to give it time. I did and we set up a proper time for us to speak after a week or so of not talking. I had things i reflected on throughout the relationship and spoke to her about them and she did as well. At the end I asked for a second chance (stupid mistake, i guess). I can't remember what she told me after I finished reflecting but i just remember "I think we should be friends" after giving sometime for her to think. Here are the texts that we had the same day just at night.

• Me: Are you saying that you no longer want to be in a relationship with me and that you’re trying to let me down gently?
• Her: Yes, that’s correct.
• Me: So it’s not that you don’t want a relationship at all; it’s just that you don’t want to be with me anymore?
• Her: Yes, exactly.
• Her: I’m not in the right emotional state at the moment.
• Me: Okay, so you fell out of love with me and wanted to move on?
• Her: No, it’s not about falling out of love. My priorities are messed up, and I started feeling disconnected.
• Me: I understand that you’re going through a tough time. But when you love someone, wouldn’t you want to lean on them for support?
• Her: Yes, I tried, but it wasn’t working. That’s why I thought it was best for us to break up.
• Me: Did someone catch your interest at work, perhaps?
• Her: No, when we broke up, I wasn’t interested in anyone else. My focus was on you.
• Me: So how did you feel throughout this process? Leading up to the breakup, when you realized you didn’t want to be with me anymore—what outcome were you hoping for?
• Her: My answer remains the same: my priorities were messed up. I tried to work things out, but it wasn’t successful, I wasn't getting it right. For both our sakes, I felt it was better for us to be apart and grow individually. Ultimately, I wanted us to have clarity and understanding that we care deeply for each other and will always remain connected.

Thats basically it. I know it's probably pretty obvious, whatever the answer is and maybe i cant accept it. But three years? I just don't get what happened. It's not like she has a busy life-style. She works more than me but just has college to focus on besides that, and shes using CHAT-GPT to get by with that and also had me do her essays since i love writing. I have college, an Internship, and a Job and I'm also studying for certifications. I wish i would of asked what her priorities were at got messed up. But I didnt. I was still in shock this happened. I know both of us are still young and everything but even so, what the hell happened? Was it her job? Did life become to much? She sometimes goes through these moments of wanting to just shut down, but usually pulls through and i thought this was one of them but I guess not? Help me reddit, in your eyes what does this mean? I know I have to move on but it sucks. It was an awesome three years. We shared a lot of hobbies together, just for things to fall apart like this?
TL;DR: Girlfriend says her priorities got messed up during the relationship and when asked if she fell out of love with me she said no and that shes not in the right place right now and became disconnected. She tried to work on things but it didn't work out, so she thought it was best we split and grow as individuals.

Me and my girlfriend just broke up and after doing some recent texting I asked her a couple of questions, I'm going to paraphrase it to avoid anything if she sees this since she uses reddit. The story of it is, we dated since highschool and now both of us are in college. She just got her first job after what she wanted to take up in college that would lead to her career didn't work out, it was rough in the beginning since she wanted to quit but after my family and her family giving her encouragement she pushed through it. I had my career path planned out since highschool and everything has been easy for me. For her it hasn't, but still. I'm lost as to what happened. Shes 20 and I'm 21. She started her new career in law enforcement while I'm working in my college and also pursuing my dream degree. During the first initial break up she told me, "i lost interest." I accepted it and left. After some conversation with her Parents they told me shes unsure about what she wants and to give it time. I did and we set up a proper time for us to speak after a week or so of not talking. I had things i reflected on throughout the relationship and spoke to her about them and she did as well. At the end I asked for a second chance (stupid mistake, i guess). I can't remember what she told me after I finished reflecting but i just remember "I think we should be friends" after giving sometime for her to think. Here are the texts that we had the same day just at night.

• Me: Are you saying that you no longer want to be in a relationship with me and that you’re trying to let me down gently?
• Her: Yes, that’s correct.
• Me: So it’s not that you don’t want a relationship at all; it’s just that you don’t want to be with me anymore?
• Her: Yes, exactly.
• Her: I’m not in the right emotional state at the moment.
• Me: Okay, so you fell out of love with me and wanted to move on?
• Her: No, it’s not about falling out of love. My priorities are messed up, and I started feeling disconnected.
• Me: I understand that you’re going through a tough time. But when you love someone, wouldn’t you want to lean on them for support?
• Her: Yes, I tried, but it wasn’t working. That’s why I thought it was best for us to break up.
• Me: Did someone catch your interest at work, perhaps?
• Her: No, when we broke up, I wasn’t interested in anyone else. My focus was on you.
• Me: So how did you feel throughout this process? Leading up to the breakup, when you realized you didn’t want to be with me anymore—what outcome were you hoping for?
• Her: My answer remains the same: my priorities were messed up. I tried to work things out, but it wasn’t successful, I wasn't getting it right. For both our sakes, I felt it was better for us to be apart and grow individually. Ultimately, I wanted us to have clarity and understanding that we care deeply for each other and will always remain connected.

Thats basically it. I know it's probably pretty obvious, whatever the answer is and maybe i cant accept it. But three years? I just don't get what happened. It's not like she has a busy life-style. She works more than me but just has college to focus on besides that, and shes using CHAT-GPT to get by with that and also had me do her essays since i love writing. I have college, an Internship, and a Job and I'm also studying for certifications. I wish i would of asked what her priorities were at got messed up. But I didnt. I was still in shock this happened. I know both of us are still young and everything but even so, what the hell happened? Was it her job? Did life become to much? She sometimes goes through these moments of wanting to just shut down, but usually pulls through and i thought this was one of them but I guess not? Help me reddit, in your eyes what does this mean? I know I have to move on but it sucks. It was an awesome three years. We shared a lot of hobbies together, just for things to fall apart like this?
TL;DR: Girlfriend says her priorities got messed up during the relationship and when asked if she fell out of love with me she said no and that shes not in the right place right now. She tried to work on things but it didn't work out, so she thought it was best we split and grow as individuals.

Me and my girlfriend just broke up and after doing some recent texting I asked her a couple of questions, I'm going to paraphrase it to avoid anything if she sees this since she uses reddit. The story of it is, we dated since highschool and now both of us are in college. She just got her first job after what she wanted to take up in college that would lead to her career didn't work out, it was rough in the beginning since she wanted to quit but after my family and her family giving her encouragement she pushed through it. I had my career path planned out since highschool and everything has been easy for me. For her it hasn't, but still. I'm lost as to what happened. Shes 20 and I'm 21. She started her new career in law enforcement while I'm working in my college and also pursuing my dream degree. During the first initial break up she told me, "i lost interest." I accepted it and left. After some conversation with her Parents they told me shes unsure about what she wants and to give it time. I did and we set up a proper time for us to speak after a week or so of not talking. I had things i reflected on throughout the relationship and spoke to her about them and she did as well. At the end I asked for a second chance (stupid mistake, i guess). I can't remember what she told me after I finished reflecting but i just remember "I think we should be friends" after giving sometime for her to think. Here are the texts that we had the same day just at night.

• Me: Are you saying that you no longer want to be in a relationship with me and that you’re trying to let me down gently?
• Her: Yes, that’s correct.
• Me: So it’s not that you don’t want a relationship at all; it’s just that you don’t want to be with me anymore?
• Her: Yes, exactly.
• Her: I’m not in the right emotional state at the moment.
• Me: Okay, so you fell out of love with me and wanted to move on?
• Her: No, it’s not about falling out of love. My priorities are messed up, and I started feeling disconnected.
• Me: I understand that you’re going through a tough time. But when you love someone, wouldn’t you want to lean on them for support?
• Her: Yes, I tried, but it wasn’t working. That’s why I thought it was best for us to break up.
• Me: Did someone catch your interest at work, perhaps?
• Her: No, when we broke up, I wasn’t interested in anyone else. My focus was on you.
• Me: So how did you feel throughout this process? Leading up to the breakup, when you realized you didn’t want to be with me anymore—what outcome were you hoping for?
• Her: My answer remains the same: my priorities were messed up. I tried to work things out, but it wasn’t successful, I wasn't getting it right. For both our sakes, I felt it was better for us to be apart and grow individually. Ultimately, I wanted us to have clarity and understanding that we care deeply for each other and will always remain connected.

Thats basically it. I know it's probably pretty obvious, whatever the answer is and maybe i cant accept it. But three years? I just don't get what happened. It's not like she has a busy life-style. She works more than me but just has college to focus on besides that, and shes using CHAT-GPT to get by with that and also had me do her essays since i love writing. I have college, an Internship, and a Job and I'm also studying for certifications. I wish i would of asked what her priorities were at got messed up. But I didnt. I was still in shock this happened. I know both of us are still young and everything but even so, what the hell happened? Was it her job? Did life become to much? She sometimes goes through these moments of wanting to just shut down, but usually pulls through and i thought this was one of them but I guess not? Help me reddit, in your eyes what does this mean? I know I have to move on but it sucks. It was an awesome three years. We shared a lot of hobbies together, just for things to fall apart like this?

first
Luna VI query: Set the source to the leaked files of the first reconnaissance operation of Irisa.
Certainly!
Luna VI query: What did Ryo do during the first hour of the war?
***
Ryo had already reached a state of full awareness after waking up, and yet he hadn't moved an inch, immersed in his inner world as he thought about what he and Elysira had done at night.
And what a wild night it was.
The way that she had skipped the journey to go straight for the finishing line had caught him unprepared. Still, with the mystery of their physical compatibility out of the way from the get-go, Ryo had been left with a lot of time to explore the other hiccups and perks of this interspecies endeavor.
From the occasional accident with her claws to the new possibilities her tail brought to the table, Ryo had enjoyed everything.
There was not an ounce of regret in him, but the memory of their last act lingered incessantly in his thoughts—a vivid Recollection of Elysira’s tail wrapping around his leg and letting silence prevail as his arm shyly enveloped her, allowing them to fall asleep side by side.
The one memory that held him in place, fearing their next interaction when the slightest of his movements would inevitably wake her up, mirroring what had happened all in the previous mornings.
What would she say?
Would she think that they are in a relationship now?
What would he do if the concept of casual hook ups didn't exist for the Irisians?
Ryo touched his face and shook his head, instantly deciding it was time to start his morning routine to distract him from those absurd thoughts.
The brain IO interface captured his intention, turning on the lights on the ceiling with maximum brightness, something that he was sure would wake her up at once given how sensitive to change all Irisians were.
And yet he was wrong.
Elysira’s head tilted away from the light as eyelids fluttered, but the only other thing she did before stopping moving was strengthening her grip on his leg quite a bit, making him realize that her tail had not let go of him the whole night.
Upon noticing how numb his leg felt, Ryo propelled his body upwards, intending to uncoil her tail from his leg and start his day. Hopefully, Elysira wouldn't mention what they did, and he too would be able to pretend it never happened.
However, the moment his upper body lifted from the ground and he got a full view of her body, he was unable to remove her tail from his leg, captivated by a simple but powerful sight.
With her hands inside the pockets, Elysira had used his jeans to restrain her claws, putting herself in a very uncomfortable position, likely afraid of hurting him during her sleep.
His eyes widened, dispersing his previous train of thought from existence. The hand that was supposed to be dealing with her tail moved toward Elysira's exposed neck instead, aiming to wake her up with a gentle touch.
And as if he had just perturbed the stillness of a calm lake with a stone, a barely perceptible ripple of yellow spread on her skin from the contact with his fingertips. It traveled through her neck, reaching the soft lines of her face, and even traveled down her long hair strands.
At the same time that it felt wrong to be able to take a peek at her emotions so easily, Ryo couldn't help but wonder—which other colors had the darkness stolen from him? While immersed in this question, Ryo kept caressing her neck until her eyes opened slowly, resetting all the back spots of her body at once as consciousness took control over instinct.
Elysira’s grip on his leg loosened when she realized she was overdoing it. Her gaze started scanning every inch of him, starting from the accidental scratches of her own making and unashamedly stopping at places she had not seen before.
Unbothered by her curiosity, he even removed some of the loose strands in front of her eyes and threw them behind her long ears to make her job easier, feeling some apprehension only when she lost interest and sought eye contact.
Traces of purple appeared around her black spots as she spoke. "What do you humans do after... what we did?"
Ryo winced, but his tone was gentle. "Silly girl!" He felt deep regret for how he had skipped the part of Irisian relationships in favor of politics when she was teaching him about her species. "It could be everything or nothing."
He expected some intense reaction from Elysira, but there wasn't a lot of emotion showing. As he searched her skin, he also realized he was unable to look at her the same way as before.
From seeing her small breasts, which he now knew for a fact fit on his hands, to the very memory of all evenness that he now was able to associate with the sheen her skin exhibited from certain angles, Ryo realized he had lost the ability to gauge her emotions without feeling a hint desire.
She noticed how long he was staring at her and a hint of yellow appeared. "I don't need everything, but nothing is not enough!"
How did Ryo fail to see that this conversation would inevitably happen when they were having fun at night?
"Oh!" He was unable to keep his mouth shut, which resulted in red and purple manifesting on her skin as he felt the pressure for a quick reply.
He had heard the Irisians speaking terms such as chosen, mate, and family, but Ryo didn't know much about this, and now was not looking like a good time for asking for clarification.
The translator would do its job in conveying his intention. But what would he say? Friends with benefits maybe? He gave up that one on the spot; he didn't consider their previous relationship a friendship, and somehow, he felt a dangerous desire to want more than that from her.
Under the pressure of his previous mistake, he told her the highest relationship he was willing to have without a care in the world for consulting his superiors. "Is girlfriend good for you?"
Elysira’s eyes widened as her skin maintained the same tones. But it lasted only a second before a golden hue took over, leaving little room for her black spots. "Wait, are you serious? I never thought you would consider anything more than being my exclusive pair."
"I am serious, but what's the difference?" Ryo instantly felt he could have gotten away with being just friends with benefits.
"Two differences." She took her clawed hands from the pockets of his jeans and pressed them against his neck in a fast but controlled movement. "One is implied trust." Her head approached him slower as if she would kiss him, but instead, her lips diverted toward his ears where she whispered, "And the other is a promise for the future."
"That seems alright."
As he said that, Elysira had already started taking little bites on his earlobe, her other hand joining around his neck while her tail was sneakily pushing the rest of her body on top of him.
"This will have to be quick, we-"
Ryo was about to give up the time they had for breakfast, when a powerful explosion shook the ground, causing the whole tent to vibrate.
Elysira’s pointy ears began to twitch and her body receded, trying to get of clue of what happened as she displayed purple. "I hear nothing."
"This was not far from here; I don't think it was a landslide." Ryo summoned a window with all the cameras outside and found nothing unusual, even with the infrared inspection.
Elysira could see what he was doing since they had never left the shared augmented space.
"Can we see what Amara is doing? She might know more than us."
He still was incapable of referring to her as his girlfriend even in his thoughts, but he still felt a hint of pride for her quick thinking. "Let's see."
He quickly summoned a live feed and promptly instructed the AI to go through the recordings of the whole night. "Nathan and that princess are still inside the tent. Time to go there."
Ryo wasted no time explaining, quickly standing up to begin the search for his underwear. The floor was still littered with paper sheets, and there were even some opened water bottles around, but he still found what he was looking for before pulling his jeans from under Elysira’s butt and getting dressed with haste.
He wore his shoes but didn't bother with his shirt and jacket, just taking his already loaded gun from the holster and getting some spare ammunition before heading outside cautiously.
"I'm going with you." She got out of the tent almost at the same time as him, proving that not needing clothes had its advantages.
"Stay close." He activated the infrared view mode and scanned the surroundings just to be sure, then hasted his steps towards Nathan's tent which was about forty meters ahead.
There was little he expected would go wrong on such a short journey, but Elysira’s ears began to twitch halfway through, prompting him to stop advancing. "Hear someone?"
"Something." She then used her tail to point uphill, in the direction where the rest of the group had set camp on the previous day. "I think it's a drone."
"Fuck, I hope you are wrong." He raised his 3D-printed revolver and felt like cursing more at the fact he didn't even have a proper pistol, pulling back the harmer and getting himself in front of Elysira.
Thanks to her acute hearing, when he heard the buzzing of the drone, his gun was already pointing in the right direction. Upon getting the first glimpse of the flying object and noticing how fast it was moving, he didn't hesitate to do a partial activation of combat mode.
The world slowed down for a moment, allowing him to see the device flying among the very few beams of blue light that made their way through the canopies. He didn't wait a single second and corrected his aim slightly to the left before pulling the trigger.
Bang!
The drone was torn to pieces and many parts fell about twenty-five meters away from them, at a distance that any explosives wouldn't hurt himself or Elysira.
When his eyes found her behind him, there was yellow and purple on her skin as she asked, "What if it was friendly?"
"The owner can send the bill up the chain for all I care." Ryo lowered the gun and did a full scan all around once more, only to find nothing again.
Her tail wrapped around his arm as all purple on her body disappeared, leaving only a hint of yellow. "Amara won't be happy if it was hers."
Just as Elysira spoke, a circular door opened on Nathan's tent, and Amara took a step outside with red filling her body.
Ryo pictured a scene of a princess complaining about her lost drone, but things only got more complicated instead.
Nathan emerged after her, and the pair began to argue loudly about what to do now that a war had broken out; Amara wanted to march uphill to join her guards, but Nathan held her by the tail when she was about to leave and prevented her for moving, saying it would be too dangerous.
Their argument turned into a messy mixture of the present situation with Amara sulking about a wasted night, which led Ryo to exchange a look of surprise with Elysira.
But their surprise only lasted a moment and Ryo decided he couldn't let those fools keep wasting valuable time.
Clap.
Clap.
Clap.
He had their attention now. "Please don't tell me you're mad because the plant lover couldn't get it up."
Under normal circumstances, Ryo had no doubt his assholish behavior would only instill shame and improve their cooperation.
However, he forgot to account that he was not wearing a shirt, leaving all his scratches exposed while Elysira was disheveled by his side, which caused Nathan's jaws to drop followed by Amara throwing an indignant gaze at Elysira and then at Nathan, who gave Ryo the feeling he might snap at any time.
"Why are you here?" Nathan's calm voice didn't match his clenched fist and rigid posture.
"Information. I want her to tell me what she knows about this war." Ryo had learned about the war by overhearing their previous argument.
Surprisingly, Amara was cooperative. "My brother's army found our position. They were not aware I was here with Nathan and ambushed the rest of my people and Zara; you destroyed their drone but if they saw us they might have a good reason to come here."
"Fuck!" He turned to Elysira and ordered. "Go back and gather my things. Take the essentials first, we are leaving."
Elysira used her tail to squeeze his arm in acknowledgment and rushed back. But when she had barely taken a few steps, she stopped as her ears moved. "More drones are coming!"
After alerting him, she ran to accomplish her task, leaving Ryo in the company of just Nathan and Amara.
"Isn't that great?" He grumbled to himself, but his voice carried loudly, obtaining the pair's attention as he raised his revolver again.
Knowing that the enemy was probably aware of their position, Ryo used infrared view mode to ensure they weren't using the drones as a distraction to pull off an ambush.
And that didn't seem to be the case when the first machine appeared, flying downwards in zigzag from the concentration of trees uphill.
Again Ryo used a partial activation of combat mode and aimed at the drone, yet this time more of them appeared, leaving the cover of the woods in groups of three until there were nine of them in total. But they didn't even try to get close this time, choosing to hover next to the canopies more than two hundred meters away from him, and assuming something akin to a structured formation.
This was extremely weird and enough of a reason for him to retreat a little, getting closer to his tent and taking cover behind a tree.
Nathan and Amara moved too, the botanist getting inside and returning with his gun while Amara's colors blended with his tent becoming hard to spot.
Assessing the new situation in an instant, Ryo concluded it would be better not to engage and retreat considering that those drones would be hard to take down at such distance. But things changed again quickly when the AI triggered a pop-up window, showing that several of the cameras he had set up in strategic places were capturing movement.
And what he was seeing now were several armed groups of Irisians heading towards their position, confirming Amara's supposition that the rebels were coming for them.
With the situation getting grimmer with every passing moment, Ryo thought of a possibility for what the drones might be doing, but his mind was still refusing to believe that the rebels could be as organized as his worst-case scenarios were giving them credit for.
To test this, he immediately tried to contact the space station through radio transmission, and since being found by the enemy was no longer an issue, he set the transmitter to maximum potency to validate his test.
Unable to establish a two-way connection.
He frowned even though that was not totally unexpected.
With only a few minutes at best before this place was filled with enemies, they would have to leave fast or they would be at the mercy of the enemy.
But first, there was something he wanted to say to Nathan, who now was using his tent for cover together with Amara. "Listen up, those fuckers are jamming our comms and they will be here at any time. Take the MLBCS and find a clearing to use it, I doubt they can interfere with the laser. Just don't forget that your immediate safety comes first or else you might not be among the living when the pod arrives."
Ryo and Nathan were technically enemies, but the last casualty in the war between Earth and Mars had happened several years in the past, ensuring that he had no reason to wish any harm for the botanist even though he didn't like him.
As for Amara, it was a little different. He hurried back to his tent without saying anything to her. And he did that not because he wished her harm, but simply because he didn't understand what she had at her disposal to offer any useful advice.
"Wait, what are you gonna do?" Nathan shouted from a distance.
With the adrenalin of seeing how many Irisians were coming helping his sincerity, he shouted back. "I'm not leaving the planet unless mission control finds a way to save Ely too."
After that, Nathan and Amara disappeared from his mind as he took cover behind his tent, slamming his hand against the foldable fabric many times to get Elysira's attention. "Hurry up, we can't stay here any longer."
She left immediately after, struggling to maintain balance as she used a hand plus her tail to carry his backpack, while her gun threatened to tumble from her gasp in her other hand.
And besides, one thing that Ryo’s eyes were immediately drawn towards was the clothes she was wearing—his clothes. While her legs were still exposed, his jacket still covered a bit more than her hips, loosely engulfing her slender frame like a billowing sail.
"I put the food and water in your backpack." She let go of the heavy item right over his feet as she put the gun on the ground and lifted her arms for him to recover his jacket and t-shirt. "You can get dressed while the tent folds."
He might have allowed her to keep the jacket if not for it being an inconvenience to her, so he just took it, making the first time he saw her wearing clothes a very short experience.
"No time for that, it won't fold with all the paper you left on the ground." He said as he swiftly slipped his arms into the sleeves of the jacket and zipped it up in one smooth movement.
Ryo was already considering which path they would take to flee when he noticed something terrible—Elysira’s skin had just been filled with gray as tiny black spots began to appear and disappear as if rain on the sand of a desert.
"What's it now?" He asked, trying to hide how unprepared he was to deal with this.
"Nothing has changed." Elysira averted her eyes. "I'm a burden to you just as I was to Amara. If I had-"
"Oh, shut up and quit the self-pity!" Ryo realized he was being too harsh, but still went on to finish it. "The paper is our mistake and I'm staying because I like you. This simple. Now get your gun and use your goddam camouflage, just like that princess is doing."
Ryo felt awful after saying this, and Elysira seemed quite taken about as she stared at him with wide eyes.
A moment later, however, she bent over and took the gun from the ground, her exterior blending quite well with the surroundings.
Ryo felt bad for her, but now there was no time to talk. "We run now, let's go."
The sound of his own steps was all he heard as they were putting some distance from the tent, making it so that he had to check on Elysira every couple of steps he took to ensure she was following him.
It was only when he heard some gunshots from far behind that he felt her claws tugging at his jacket from behind. "I hope Nathan is like you."
***
This was an account based on what Ryo did during the first hour of the war. The previous narrative is based on the events of the morning of the twentieth day of the exploratory mission of Irisa. According to your current settings, no queries will be suggested.
next->patreon wiki

Before going into it, I want to mention how this post was inspired by three things. One was user u/HastyvonFuego2 and their post on going down the rabbit hole on the Kendrick sub last week. It was also inspired by Childish Gambino’s first album release in nearly 6 years where I have been sitting on this idea for a while but he inspired me to finally post this week like he did (never posted on Reddit at all before so be gentle if I am not doing it right)! I was also inspired by an interview Bino gave to GQ about breaking down his most iconic characters. In this interview he says how This is America started out as a Drake diss but then he realized the song was too hard for just Drake so he kept working on it. He also talks in this interview about how all culture is about compression. Which means that yes, This is America is about the gun violence and police issues in America, but compressed in this video is also more about where that culture comes from which he shows is from a small handful of rap moguls, namely Drake, Diddy and Jay-Z (bear with me on this long post, I think/hope it will be worth it). At the end I talk briefly about how Little Foot Big Foot might be in this same vein of cultural compression.
[Intro: Choir]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, go, go away
The beginning of this song has no background music yet, which really gives it an ‘in the beginning’ feel. Then Gambino starts doing his dances with weird facial expressions. I will explain as we go through his video how those expressions and dance moves represent different famous rap moguls. One easy look to pick out right away is Jay-Z’s famous lip curl/growl look that Gambino gives with a head nod repeatedly. The colonial pants have been a hot topic, but since it’s only the pants that are colonial, Gambino is saying the bottom or basis for this violent culture in America is ultimately colonialism. The lyrics ‘Go Away’, are likely foreshadowing the rap moguls wanting other popular rap rivals to ‘go away’ or they will make them (aka murder them) for profit.
[Bridge: Childish Gambino & Young Thug]
We just wanna party
Party just for you
We just want the money
Money just for you (Yeah)
Usually you want money for yourself and to party for yourself, so this is a bit odd. But what Gambino is referring to is similar to these Diddy ‘freakoff parties’ we are hearing about where people who want to be famous are really partying for these rap moguls so they can get close to them. Where they suck up to them saying that they want to earn the mogul money from their songs.
I know you wanna party
Party just for free
Girl, you got me dancin' (Girl, you got me dancin')
Dance and shake the frame (Yeah)
Then this almost feels like the Diddy rebuttal where he’s like ya I know you want to party and you want to do it for free. Like Katt Williams says, “you gotta tell Diddy no”, it is never free to go to those parties. There are always consequences. When you are partying you are dancing, but shaking the frame could refer to how those boundaries/edges are being crossed, lines are blurred, etc.
Then in the video, the fellow who was playing the guitar gets shot and things turn dark from happy music. I believe that this guitar tune is meant to represent 2Pac and Nas’s song Thugz Mansion. It’s one of the original greats from ‘in the beginning’. Nas famously has always had major issues with Jay-Z too (More on why 2Pac and Nas later). It also represents how it was these moguls who murdered 2Pac like Jaguar Wright and Katt Williams keep saying. Where these murders only lead to more money and fame for the killers when the dead artists’ and their music are exploited more easily.
Also note that the gun gets taken away by a school kid after the shooting, more on this later as well.
[Verse 1: Childish Gambino, Young Thug, Blocboy JB & 21 Savage]
This is America (Skrrt, skrrt, woo)
Don't catch you slippin' now (Ayy)
Look how I'm livin' now
Police be trippin' now (Woo)
Yeah, this is America (Woo, ayy)
Guns in my area (Word, my area)
There is a song called Guns in My Area by Lil Weiner and Baby Chapox that paints a vivid picture of the everyday struggles and conflicts faced by those living in communities affected by gun violence. More compression of other songs and the American gun culture.
I got the strap (Ayy, ayy)
I gotta carry 'em
I am almost certain this line is referring to 2Pac’s song Changes. Throughout This is America, Gambino takes lines from Pac’s song: “They get jealous when they see you with your mobile phone” (referred to later in this a Celly, that’s tool) “That's the sound of my tool, you say it ain't cool, My mama didn't raise no fool”
“And as long as I stay black, I gotta stay strapped, And I never get to lay back” It seems like Gambino broke up these lyrics and scattered them throughout his song. This plays into the theme that everyone is using 2Pac and enriching themselves off of his image and music. I show below how this particular section of the video represents Diddy meaning that Diddy himself is exploiting his music (and alleging that Diddy killed Pac?). We could see this exploitation play out at length with how much Diddy milked the death of Biggie like in Every Breath You Take.
Yeah, yeah, I'ma go into this (Ugh)
Yeah, yeah, this is guerilla (Woo)
Yeah, yeah, I'ma go get the bag
The song Gorilla War by $uicideboy$ and Ramirez talks about getting a bag repeatedly in the course. Also in Otis with Kanye and Jay-Z their lyrics talk about going gorilla (I talk about this song more further down), so it could be referring to this as well. It seems like Gambino is trying to pull out lyrics from all across the rap culture and embed them in his song to highlight the ‘cultural compression’.
Yeah, yeah, I'm so cold like, yeah (Yeah)
I'm so dope like, yeah (Woo)
We gon' blow like, yeah (Straight up, uh)
I think that all of the school kids in the video represent all of the rappers that are signed with these big labels. Which is interesting because they are the ones facilitating the guns for the moguls in the video. You can see that the mogul is really focused on the kids and gets agitated and directs them to follow him whenever they stray off a bit like they are his pupils, or like he owns them. Then all of a sudden the camera comes into a scene where you can see more kids shooting a rap video and all shooting money from a Supreme gun. The camera zooms out almost to show you that this is the mogul’s whole rap empire they are looking over, all of their kids in one place (this empire already includes some chaos in the background). It’s subtle but hilarious, Gambino puts fricken chickens on the ground where the kids are filming the rap video. He is directly calling all of these rappers complete chickens for playing up this lifestyle and being the cause of so much chaos rather than coming out and telling somebody what’s really going on. Trying to get their money over everything else.
[Refrain: Choir & Childish Gambino]
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, tell somebody
You go tell somebody
Grandma told me
Get your money, Black man (Get your— Black man)
This is where things start to get interesting. Gambino is literally saying, go tell somebody about this! We all know what’s happening, why don’t you go let people know how bad it is? But like Jaguar Wright said, who do you tell when these moguls have the cops and feds paid off? This video is literally Gambino putting it all out there in this extremely popular song for everyone to see but yet we still just see the dancing and the violent chaos of people and police in the streets and not the root cause that is hidden in plain sight.
The vast majority of those who reviewed this video until now think this scene represents the tragic church shooting in Charleston in 2015. I think it does, but we also have to look at this from an angle of compression.
The people in the choir are all of the people who are currently singing the rap mogul’s praises and who are focused on going and getting what’s owed to them, get their money (who are also profiting off of the dead fellows music since it goes back to the original tune). You can see that each choir member has a distinct look to them. Think about who you are hearing about now who is about to be implicated in these freak offs and evil deeds. Is that Will Smith in the back left corner!? The short bald fellow in the front left maybe Kevin Hart? Rick Ross or TD Jakes maybe the bigger guy towards the back right? When the camera zooms in on the choir right at first to show their faces, doesn’t the guy in the bottom middle look like an uncanny version of Jordan Peele? Or is that meant to be Cuba Gooding Jr? Then just like the guitar fellow at the beginning, bang. You may be singing Diddy’s praises now, but he will cut you down whenever he suddenly feels like it.
I think almost for sure this initial section of the music video is Gambino acting as Diddy, because right after he shoots the choir, he does the elbow pump/chicken dance. At 3:14 in Diddy’s video for P.E. 2000 he does the chicken dance (he is up first in the video and I think Gambino is trying to say here I first present to you the first public enemy of 3 in this song). That elbow dance signals that it was Diddy and this is the end of his section.
[Chorus: Childish Gambino, Young Thug, Slim Jxmmi & Quavo]
This is America (Woo, ayy)
Don't catch you slippin' now (Woo, woo, don't catch you slippin' now)
Don't catch you slippin' now (Ayy, woah)
Look what I'm whippin' now (Slime!)
There have been many accounts of celebrities being given fancy cars after suffering abuse at the hands of these moguls. So these lyrics are saying that you better not slip up and tell people what’s really going on. And if you don’t look at this sweet carecord deal/movie contract I am going to give you. Beiber told this story about Diddy wanting to give him a luxury car.
Now suddenly, the dance switches from the chicken dance to a sudden bicep flex to signal us that we have now moved on from Gambino representing Diddy to our next mogul.
[Verse 2: Childish Gambino, Quavo, Young Thug, 21 Savage & BlocBoy JB]
This next chunk of the video is all about Jay-Z. I think this is the case because he throws his arms up in a bicep flex just like Jay does in the Otis music video at 2:38. And it makes sense Gambino would pick a dance move from a video with a huge American flag in the background to fit the ‘This is America’ theme. Gambino is mocking him saying, who are you really, the pretty guy or this hard gangster like Gambino shows in his dancing. Also right before they pan to the kids on the balcony, Bino also does Jay-Z’s signature lip curl look a couple times so we know it’s him and to signal the end of his section.
Look how I'm geekin' out (Hey)
I'm so fitted (I'm so fitted, woo)
Jay-Z is famous for making the fitted Yankees cap famous, it’s his signature look. More signs this verse is about Jay.
I'm on Gucci (I'm on Gucci)
Jay-Z has been seen in full wallpaper Gucci sweat suits but could also be referring to Gucci Mane who he hung out with at Beyonce’s tour around the time this song was released.
I'm so pretty (Yeah, yeah, woo)
I'm gon' get it (Ayy, I'm gon' get it)
Watch me move (Blaow)
These lines are probably referring to Jay-Z having a hidden preference for men, especially with the way Gambino flicks his wrist in the video when he says I’m so pretty.
This a celly (Ha)
That's a tool (Yeah)
On my Kodak (Woo) Black
I think that “this a celly, that’s a tool” harkens back to 2Pac’s lyrics in Changes where he sings, “They get jealous when they see ya with your mobile phone” then shortly after that he sings about the sound of his tool, referring to shooting a gun. But Childish flips these lyrics on their head. He is saying that it’s really the phone that’s a tool to be using, not a gun. And pans up and shows (the school kids specifically) on the balcony filming everything going on below. He’s telling the kids/other rappers, use your phone as a tool, you can record these bad deeds when you get blackmailed into being at the freak off. That’s how you can kill them and their career, not with a gun. Go tell somebody! There is also the reference to Kodak which plays into the picture taking theme, but also because Kodak Black has been accused of assaulting a teenage girl in a hotel room. So we have a good idea of what Gambino suggests all the kids start filming and collecting evidence of.
Ooh, know that (Yeah, know that, hold on)
Get it (Woo, get it, get it)
Ooh, work it (21)
Now we are onto Drake’s part. In the video Gambino starts doing the BlocBoy JB dance called Shoot. Drake is known for doing these little viral dance moves like in Hotline Bling. But not only that, this dance is also used in the song that both BlocBoy JB and Drake collaborate on for their video Look Alive. It starts at 2:07 in the Look Alive video. So this is Drake’s dance to signal his part is now starting.
Note this is where the pale horse rides by also potentially saying that Drake is one of the horsemen of the apocalypse. Interestingly, Drake’s collab with BlocBoy JB was pretty much the apocalypse for BlocBoy’s career, who hasn’t had a hit since.
Hunnid bands, hunnid bands, hunnid bands (Hunnid bands)
Contraband, contraband, contraband (Contraband)
I got the plug in Oaxaca (Woah)
They gonna find you like "blocka" (Blaow)
Again, we know this is Drake’s section because his song 10 bands starts out by saying “10 bands, 50 bands, 100 bands” almost identical to Bino’s lyrics here. Also Blocka was famously used by Biggie in his song Gimme the Loot which could be referring to Biggie's demise like Pac’s and making money from his death. Everything in this industry originates from pushing drugs, which has been alleged through the trafficking that Diddy, Jay-Z and Drake do through their private jets likely connected to their bosses, the Clive Davises and Lucian Grainges of the world. This escalates rap beefs and the whole culture to the next level where murder is often a consequence for young rappers in their prime when international drug lord money is involved.
An interesting point is this is the only time where Childish was about to shoot someone in the video, but where he didn’t have a school kid either handing him the gun or taking it away carefully from him. (Maybe also a diss at Drake that even though he acts hard he doesn’t shoot, he gets his horseman of the apocalypse to do his dirty deeds for him instead perhaps?). This is the beginning of the end for the rap mogul as he no longer has his kids doing his bidding for him. A simple message to show how the violence can be stopped, that these shootings can end when the kids stop enabling them. So then as soon as he can’t react in that moment and shoot someone his anger is forced to chill out, as shown by smoking a J, and to go back to exploiting the dead man’s music instead. If you don’t put a gun in someone’s hand when they are heated, those feelings too shall pass - kinda feel.
[Refrain: Choir, Childish Gambino, & Young Thug]
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, tell somebody
America, I just checked my following list, and
You mothafuckas owe me
Whose voice does that sound like!? It sounds a lot like Diddy to me, public enemy #1. This is basically saying that the moguls are the ones who we all owe it to for all of this glorified gun violence in America. That we owe them way more follows and likes for what a massive influence they have had on the violence and chaos we see in America today.
Grandma told me
Get your money, Black man (Black man)
(1, 2, 3—get down)
In Moneybagg Yo’s song 1, 2, 3, he also has a line that says “1, 2, 3, let’s go!” in a similar vein.
But something interesting I came across was Nas’s song Get Down where they use a sample from James Brown's “The Boss” that sounds extremely similar to the way Gambino screams “Get Down!” Which would fit well if the guitar singer from the beginning is meant to be Nas and Pac doing Thugz Mansion.
Also make sure you check out Nas’s song Get Down so that you can hear how much Jay-Z outright copied this song for The Story of OJ. From the musical structure with the piano and interwoven samples right down to the theme reiterated by the sample at the end of Nas’s song: “If that’s how our people are gonna get down, how are we ever gonna get up?”
SZA
Finally to wrap up the video, I have been stumped for a long time as to why SZA is randomly at the end of this video sitting on one of the cars. But I think I finally know why and it reconfirms that this last scene is all about Drake. If you watch Drake’s music video for Worst Behavior (not very Canadian of him to spell behaviour that way I might add) you will see Drake rapping and dancing with a few cars surrounding him and one of those cars has other rappers making cameos in it. In Gambino’s video SZA represents that car with a famous cameo. I think this is further confirmed when the black edges of the video start closing inwards at the end of This is America, the exact same way that Worst Behavior ends. So why SZA as the cameo then? Cause it reminds people that Drake is a p*do.
This is from an article in the Rolling Stone: In 2020, Drake revealed publicly that he and SZA had dated over a decade ago, well before she was an established artist (her earliest music goes back to around 2012; her critical breakthrough, Ctrl, came in 2017). On 21 Savage’s “Mr. Right Now,” Drake rapped about a newer fling who was a fan of SZA’s: “Yeah, said she wanna fuck to some SZA, wait / ‘Cause I used to date SZA back in ’08 / If you cool with it, baby, she can still play.” A few days later, SZA responded, corroborating Drake’s claim with a slight correction: they dated in 2009, when both would have been over 18. Since SZA would not have turned 18 until late 2008, she wanted to set the record straight. “in this case a year of poetic rap license mattered 🥴lol I think he jus innocently rhymed 08 w wait [sic],” she tweeted. “I just didn’t want anybody thinking anything underage or creepy was happening . Completely innocent . Lifetimes ago . [sic]”
If you have to specifically say something isn’t creepy and distance yourself from it being lifetimes ago, it usually is creepy. Drake would’ve been 22 when she was 17. Metro Boomin also happens to be on the Mr. Right Now track. He is currently in trouble for resurfaced old tweets showing how Metro used to tweet disgusting things about what he wanted to do to underage girls. Interestingly, Metro Boomin is also now beefing with Drake.
Drake doing his dance on the car of the original musician’s music seems to be accusing Drake directly of stealing 2Pac’s music. Orlando Brown recently said the cryptic statement that “Drake is Pac” which likely means he stole 2Pac’s approach/style/audience after his death. Gambino did some good foreshadowing here too with the recent AI release Drake put out of 2Pac.
This dance scene also signals that the Drake section is now over.
[Outro: Young Thug]
You just a black man in this world
You just a barcode, ayy
You just a black man in this world
Drivin' expensive foreigns, ayy
You just a big dawg, yeah
I kenneled him in the backyard
No, probably ain't life to a dog
For a big dog
The outro lyrics speak to how these gatekeepers keep black men down and control them with things like being forced to wear a dress to become famous or to submit to homosexual/p*do acts.. In the video, as I mentioned above, the black edges close in on Drake’s dancing scene in This is America. But they don’t completely close and end things like they do in the Worst Behavior video. Instead, in Gambino’s video, the camera pans to show the mogul running for his life with Young Thug’s lyrics almost like a quiet echo in the background. He isn’t running from the cops though, he’s running from the kids and from the public. When I mentioned earlier that the kids not handing over the last gun before Drake’s scene signalled the beginning of the end for the moguls, this is that conclusion. Where it is showing that if all the kids come together to stop enabling and rather expose the moguls, people will be chasing these bastards down once we realize what has been going on behind the curtain. Then the song that Young Thug is singing can just be a quiet echo of the way things were in the past.
If you don’t think Gambino would be this deep and that I went too far down the rabbit hole, do a Google search on the calculations that he came up with for why he sings about loving until 3005 in his song. He seems to go real deep with his lyrics. So a big question this leaves us with is, what did Childish Gambino witness in the rap industry? His whole rap career plays out like he is trying to avoid industry norms.
Even in Sweatpants, he has lyrics like:
No hands like soccer teams and y'all fuck boys like Socrates
You niggas ain't coppin' these, niggas ain't lookin' like me (Nah)
Nah, I ain't checkin' I.D. (Nah), but I bounce 'em with no problem
Seems like he is trying to make it really clear across his catalogue of music that he isn’t a p*do but that other rappers are. Where he is saying that he doesn’t need to ID his potential partners because he can tell they are obviously too young and that’s not hard to do.
Tell 'em, Problem (Problem!)
I'm winnin', yeah, yeah, I'm winnin' (What?)...
Rich kid, asshole, paint me as a villain
So who was trying to paint him as a villain, Drake? And that’s why the diss was originally meant for him?
Don't be mad 'cause I'm doing me better than you doing you…
Better than you doing you
Fuck it, what you gon' do? (What?!)
He’s taunting the other rappers cause he knows they can’t say shit if they are creeps. He has the same sentiment in Bonfire “It’s a bonfire, turn the lights out, I’m burning everything you mother fuckers talk about.”
Childish Gambino has always refrained from talking about the meaning of This is America whenever he is asked, and I can only assume that all of this is why.
Little Foot Big Foot
Now with his new release, Little Foot Big Foot and applying cultural compression to it, it has me wondering if he is referring to Megan Thee Stallion and the Nicki beef? People like Nicki (calling Megan Big Foot) have been claiming for some time she wasn’t even shot in the foot by Tory Lanez. There were many people laughing and making fun of Megan over getting shot. Which could be an interesting story for Childish to tell to represent how crazy this violent culture has gotten that people just laugh and blame the victim now when you get shot. Also a good metaphor for things like ‘shooting yourself in the foot’ for not having a lawyer look over potentially predatory industry contracts like in the beginning of his video. That you want to get in the cool kids club so bad you overlook it. Not as sure on this one though since the song just came out and I have only heard it a few times.
One last thing that is really interesting, there have been tons of artists on podcasts like Shay Shay talking about the strings these ultra rich moguls can pull. Like buying awards or gatekeeping people from being in the industry at all. There was even a story, I think maybe it was Gene Deal who told it, that when Killer Mike won at the grammys that Jay-Z was so angry he made sure to mess up his night by getting him locked up as soon as he left the awards stage. These moguls are extremely powerful and have an incredible amount of sway in the world/industry. If you check out Gambino’s profile on Youtube, his old music videos keep getting taken down, like Bonfire for example is just gone. Fans have been having to upload the videos themselves. There is a reply to a comment, on one of the fan uploaded vids, from Gambino’s account himself when someone asks why the videos are being taken down. His account just replies “Noone knows why :(“ Seems a bit odd all things considered and like maybe he has been at the mercy of these gatekeepers for going against the system.
I am so curious to know what the rest of you think about all of this!

Here's a post of mine from 2017

I'm in.
Hard mode
Indefinitely
My goal is to regain, no find myself. PMO'ing since the age of 12. I'm 27 now. Porn fucked up my life. No more!
Today is one year after my attempted OD. The catalyst was my girlfriend of five years leaving me and me screwing up my career as a firefighter. I was broken then and I'm still broken now. I blame PMO and porn in general. Insanity is repeating the same cycle and expecting a different result. Time to break this cycle.
Post end
^{How naive I was}

Back story with context

I now know my addiction started with MO at the age of 5. I used to do that on a daily basis to self soothe and it didn't help that I discovered what can be done with an electric massager. See my parents got divorced the first time around about then, they remarried each other, only to get divorced again. Mom remarried a abusive alcoholic, moved to my absent father and verbally abusive stepmother, all this before turning 14. Looking back I can see I was neglected and found my own coping mechanisms. Smoking cigarettes, weed and alcohol since 13, other drugs soon followed at 16, whatever I could get my hands on.
Note all my compulsive and addictive behaviours were actively being pursued in some form or another throughout my story, I merely set the stage with the background.
At 19 I lost my virginity to a broken and hurt girl that was on average banging 4 guys a week, she literally had to take off her clothes and ask me whilst naked 'What are you waiting for?' I was so inept and socially awkward. After two hours of furiously boning because I couldn't finish, I snuck back to my room only to jerk off. I recall thinking to myself was that it? Was all the hype about that? Needles to say this girl went and 'cheated' on me after a week, left me a tad embittered.
At 21 I somehow got my first girlfriend, she had been raised by her grandparents because both her parents had tragically died in two separate freak accidents, she had proper traditional values, real wivey material. Wanted to wait until marriage. None of it mattered much to me, I knew what I wanted and at 21 it certainly wasn't a wife. She was studying nursing and I was a firefighter, we were both renting, me with friends, her in a student commune. We started occasionally sleeping over at each other, very innocently at first just making out, cuddling and talking.
post deleted
She took the sheets with to wash and made a hasty retreat, I went to work in a cold sweat, post clarity had never been so fucking surreal nor had it ever garnered so much self loathing.
What had I done.
Later that day she messaged and asked me over where she gave me a hand written letter, front and back, tear stains and little hearts. In it written how beautiful it was, how much she loves me and how no-one can ever find out.
I felt physically sick.
What had I done.
We secretly moved in together and what followed was five years of a co-dependant relationship where she grew to hate me and I went progressively deeper into the abyss of porn.
In the interim my father passed away from cancer, I DUI'd and totalled into a young married couple, got arrested, went to a 'Stress clinic' and broke up with my girlfriend out of guilt. Quickly got back together and a few months later she mercifully broke up with me. I was just so weak. Maybe she just woke from being disillusioned, maybe she grew out of her naivety, maybe my addictions just followed their natural conclusion, maybe PTSD and tragedy got the better of me. She got a new boyfriend, I almost got a restraining order. (She withdrew the case in the judges chamber's on condition I NEVER contact her again) In short succession I slept with multiple partners, a few times while blackout drunk, a few one night stands and I left a wake of pain, regret, broken hearts and shame. All consensual.
Finally I tried to OD on sleeping pills, went back to the 'Stress clinic' and whilst there someone dear called and told me that to gain my life I had to give it away. Found religion or it found me, resigned from the Fire brigade.
Footnote~ The ex got married and became a mother sometime during, heard it through the grapevine.
She'll never have to see me again as per her wishes.
Learnt about NoFap {insert original post}
I moved a couple of states over, away from everything I had broken and everyone I'd hurt. Went on a journey, forgave myself, hated myself, loathed myself, forgave myself again, went on another journey. The whole time PMO and MO came and went.
Streaks came and went. Depression stayed and dark thoughts came back like a long lost friend but I kept on crawling towards the light, towards freedom.
FFW to now
I'm cold turkey from substances and on a 18 day streak. I've come to realise you can't run from this demon and this fight is worth fighting head on. PAWS or Post-accute Withdrawal Syndrome is real and even with my longer streaks I've only been kicking the can further and further down the road by occasionally binge relapsing.
I haven't been in a relationship nor have I had sex since the fallout. Real intimacy absolutely terrifies me and I suffer from anxiety and depressive episodes.
But there's hope!
I've been seeing a life coach, exercising and spending more time with friends and family, joined a men's prayer and accountability group. To go fast go alone, to go far go with others and I'm in it for the long haul.
The penny's dropped.
I can tell something has changed.
I'm coming back to life.
3 months ago I met a girl on a online dating platform, absolutely way out of my league, someone who's beautiful inside and out. I'll be meeting her for the first time this Friday and we'll be spending the weekend together, in a social setting.
I'm excited yet apprehensive. I don't want to place her on a pedestal but I want to treat her like a queen. We're only meeting and nothing intimate will happen, both of us want to wait until we're married be it with one another or someone else. But darn I'm excited. I want to hope again. I want to love and be loved.
I want to live again.
tl:dr

1. Porn can mess you up and the abyss is deeper than you can imagine.
   
2. Addiction is not about the substance but rather underlying behaviours and coping mechanisms.
   
3. Circumstances nor your past should determine your future.
   
4. There's alway's hope!
   

My girlfriend (F30) and I (F25) have been together for 4 years. We live 2 hours away from each other. She has meet a lot of my family due to them living in the same state as us, but I have yet to meet her family because they live in Texas. Though we haven't met, I do talk to her mom on FaceTime whenever my girlfriend talks to her so it's not like we have a bad relationship. My girlfriend and I have made attempts to go to Texas to see her but life always came in the way. And though my girlfriend has gone there to see her mom, it usually during the times her mom is going through something or a funeral and she doesn't want me to meet them during situations like that. I did try to meet her mom recently when I was staying over my girlfriends place because she is a truck driver and just happened to be driving through the state, but her mom expressed that she was tired and looked a mess so we didn't get the chance to meet. It was disappointing, however, she did say that she was planning on coming down on mothers day along with my girlfriends brother and his kids.
My mom usually likes taking trips during mothers day weekend and we usually celebrate it as a family the weekend after, so I told my girlfriends mom that we can see each other then. I told my mom about my plans to ensure she didn't feel any type of way about it too which she didn't). My girlfriends family was suppose to stay Friday to Monday morning and she asked if I could come that Saturday night because they were planning on going to see her grandfather 4 hours away. I have to take a bus in order to see her, so once she told me their plans, I booked my ticket the same day. For the past 2 months, my girlfriend has been working overtime in order to help prepare for their arrival and I tried my best to assist with that by buying things for her apartment.
Monday, the week they were coming down, my mom informed me that she was diagnosed with lupus. My mom almost passed away 4 years ago from a blood clot and ever since then, her health has kind of been all over the place. However, for 1 year, it did seem like everything was starting to become under control. So to hear she had lupus, did make me emotional. My mom told me that she was still okay with me meeting my girlfriends mom because she was still going to continue with her own plans. I informed my girlfriend about my mom's diagnosis and she was empathetic about the whole situation.
Fast forward to the day I was preparing to leave, I spoke to my girlfriend that morning and we expressed how excited we were for the overdue introduction in person. When I was in the middle of getting ready, my mom decided to have a conversation with me about mothers day. She expressed that she actually does want my sister and I to spend mothers day together with her because her health is starting to scare her and she doesn't know what will happen in the future. I don't see my mother crying often so to hear her breaking down, hurt me. I never want my mom to feel that she isn't supported so I decided I was going to spend mothers day with her. I called my girlfriend soon after and informed her what was going on. Her happy attitude soon turned to an annoyed one and said "I knew you weren't going to come." I asked her if she was upset and she said no and she loved me then got off the phone with me quickly saying she'll call me back. I texted her expressing how sorry I am and explained to her that it didn't feel right to just meet her mom after my mom broke down to me and up until now, I always had the intention of coming and would love to try and make a trip to her if we can. Though I won't be there in person, I told her that I would love to still speak to them through FaceTime. She told me " they're good, enjoy your family, love you."
I thought maybe things were okay but it feels like she ghosted me. Whether she's busy with family or friends, she always makes time to at least text me and always calls me at night. The only times she doesn't is when she's upset. She did call me on mothers day that morning, but she asked if she could put my mom on the phone to say happy mothers day and then she hung up immediately after speaking to her. I tried not to jump to conclusions at first and just decided that maybe she'll talk to me after her family leaves cause she could be busy with them but I know they have left now and I still haven't heard anything. She has 2 phones, so even if something happened to her phone, she always makes sure to text me on her other one if something happened. Its been two days and still nothing, I don't even know if she is okay. She hasn't blocked on me anything either, so I guess that's the only up side. I'm kind of lost on how to go about things and what to do.