I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.  
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.  
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.  
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.  
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.  
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.  
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!  
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.  
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.  
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!

OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.

MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.

OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.  

Update: February 27, 2024
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!  
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?

OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).

mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?

OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!

-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down

OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.  

----NEW UPDATE----

Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I've gone through multiple fashion transitions from goth, punk, street, prep/surfer, to western attire.
I found my home in western wear, and I feel confident in my boots, buckle, and cowboy hat while rocking denim jeans everyday, and a pearl snap for the office and a columbia pfg for the lake.
Though I still feel caged to express freedom, rebellion, and overall Americana in my work environment (which is where I spend the majority of my life in). I work in manfucaturing/industry and in a desk job. The attire is fairly casual, where "shirt must be a collar" ends at that. I COULD wear my columbia pfg's everyday since they technically have a "collar" but the vibe doesn't feel right so I settle for my pearl snaps. I keep my hair fairly "traditional" and I try my best to conform to Northern dress attire. I already wear my boots, buckle, hat, and jeans everyday but I feel like I'm pushing it.
I want a mullet, or a haircut beyond this boring fade that expresses the carefree rebellious person that I am. I want to wear my fishing shirts, flannel, and relieve the suppression of my country/western attire that I feel at work.
I want to walk into work as a cowboy hat wearin, mullet rocking, columbia and wrangler reppin, ostrich quill boots wearin' SOB because that is who I am, but I fear that it might signficantly delay/end my career.
BUT...should I do it anyway?
TL;DR: I feel suppressed in my work environment and I want to take the plunge to fulfilling my look to represent how I feel everyday. Should I do it or is there other ways to work around it while staying professional?

I decided not to post this on a subreddit because people's feeds are full of this crap.
Saturday my husband woke up early he was going across the state line (like 45mins away) with his friends to go shooting. Tells me to expect a delivery that's perishable and skiddadles.
He had harassed me for the last couple weeks on what I wanted with a final "wtf do you want for mothersday??" Text. I finally gave him a response. Flowers, meat pies, curry.
The delivery was a plant. I didn't want a plant. I didn't want 1 because I don't have any good spots in the home to put them, I don't keep up with watering and they die. Then he makes comments about how I killed them and makes a running joke about me always killing them. I wanted a bouquet of flowers.
The second part of the delivery was chocolate covered strawberries. I had stopped asking for them in the past because he always gets them shipped instead of picking them up local and they are too perishable for that combined with FedEx love of leaving all my packages in direct sunlight. So they are a wet mush mess. This time wasn't so bad but they were still over ripe and not what I wanted. The meat pies I asked for can also be ordered from a less local bakery and shipped but are much hardier. He never looked into it or asked about how I thought he would get them(assumed i meant for then to be picked up). For the cost of the strawberries I could have gotten a dozen meat pies.
"I guess this means I still need to get curry after work on monday". My favorite curry place is 5 mins from his work. 1hr from the house. There's a closer resturant about 45mins away. I'm not sure I'm actually going to get any.
So at 11am Saturday he calls to make sure I got the packages. I did. I said thank you(something he denies but maybe I didn't sound as appreciative as he wanted). I decide to do something for me and drag the kids to get my haircut for the first time in 5 years.
He calls at 7:30 the only thing on his mind is "I'm heading home what's for dinner". He was gone for 12 hours He comes home and goes to sleep I make dinner. Have a kid wake him up. I ask what his plans are for mothers day. He said hang here. Any plans for dinner?. Nope. Great.
He tells the girls mommy is being rude to him and mean to him. They tell me I shouldn't be mean to him. I tell them he shouldn't have said that to them and that it's between me and daddy and I have my reasons.
I wake up around 6:30 to put pork in the crockpot for dinner so atleast that will be done, then go lay back down.
I get up at 9 to go to the grocery store for a few things(walmart has a ton of pretty bouquets of flowers, i dont buy any), clean the house, get the kids up and fed. He wakes up at 1pm. The eldest gives me her mothersday school work and we read it together. The youngest is sad that she didn't have anything to give me.
To his credit he is trying to be in a good mood around me. Asks if I want breakfast. No I already ate. Cool. He cooks breakfast and cleans up after himself. I empty the dishwasher and he comes to help. He brings the laundry to the bedroom where me and youngest fold. I load the dishwasher alone.
I would like to point at no point in the past 18 hours has he mentioned my haircut. I cut my hair from mid back to above my shoulders. It is 100% noticeable. There are only 2 interpretations of this from him. Somehow he has missed this or otherwise thought he said something but he didnt, or he doesn't like it and instead of just lieing and saying something nice he's choosing to ignore it. He did this with my last very similar haircut 5 years ago. Said nothing and when I called him out on not saying anything he said it was too bouncy. He didn't like it. I'm assuming that since it's such a dramatic difference it's the second one and he can't even be nice to me for 5 seconds and tell a white lie.
He's still trying to be nice to me(not nice enough to give me a compliment though) and I'm shutting him down(not with words or yelling or anything like that, I'm done) and going elsewhere in the house. I take a nap in the kids bed as he was watching tiktoks loudly in ours. I get up and prep the dinner and make sides and serve everyone. The rest of the evening is me sitting down in various places as he continuously trys to sit as close as possible. He doesn't ask what's wrong. He doesn't try apologizing for anything. Still no comment on my hair.
I put the kids to bed.
This morning he wakes up for work and he's in a bad mood "because you've been a bitch to me all weekend". Great. At least his nice to me act is over.
Edit: he brought home curry for dinner. Also "did you cut your hair?" 2 days yall. 2 days to notice my haircut.

I've known that I'm trans for a long time and I already came out to many of my friends and they were chill about it. However, the problem is that I want to start hrt, which would not be possible without my parents noticing (I'm 20 and in college). I've been thinking about it for a long time and I don't know how to tell my parents, but I know I dont want to wait anymore. My mother is very feminine and has negative views on non-binary people, but I don't know her views on transgender people. I get nasty comments at home from her for wearing boyish clothes and short hair. My dad on the other hand is kinda chill about it and even likes my haircut and doesn't mind that I borrow his clothes quite often. Sometimes I want to shout the truth out, but I seem to lose my voice at the last minute. what should I do?

TLDR at bottom of post
So I work at a courthouse, full time and make around $2100 a month. Been here about a year and a half now. The thing is my coworkers are judgmental asf and 2 of them are openly transphobic. I am 1 month on T, no noticeable changes have really happened except a tiny tiny unnoticed voice drop that I’m the only one who can notice. I still have longish hair. They just think I’m a masculine lesbian, which they dont treat me any different for (surprisingly based on how they feel about the lgbt community). I’m not out as trans to them at all. I really want to cut my hair short like a cis guy cut, but every time I’ve gotten a haircut (even just shoulder length) they make a huge deal about it like “omg why did u do that” “what made u cut ur hair it was so beautiful ” and I absolutely hate that shit. It’s a huge haircut and I feel like I would never hear the end of it. I feel like I would never feel comfortable with my transition here at this job, but it makes decent money. I really want to quit and go to a different job that my girlfriend works at. A trans man works there and the general manager is completely trans supportive. It’s a guaranteed job too because she knows the manager personally and she can get me in easily. It would just be a pay cut and I’d make around $1900 monthly (it’s heavily based on tips tho). That would be enough for me to pay my necessary monthly bills, but I’m just worried if that is a good decision or not. It would only be a temporary thing until I pass better. In the future, I plan on getting a certificate of some kind in order to work from home which is ideal for me. Should I do it? I just want advice from someone on the outside looking in. I know I shouldn’t care about what others think, but I do and I would feel so uncomfortable staying here throughout my haircut and transition as a whole. I know working at the other job wouldn’t make me immune to transphobia, I would just feel way more comfortable because they wouldn’t know me as a girl like these people do. Any advice is appreciated.
TLDR: My current job pays more money but the people here are transphobic and would judge me, I would not feel comfortable transitioning here. I want to work at a different job that would be more accepting, but it would be a slight pay cut. What should I do?

TLDR: I underachieved socially in life which caused me to have become an adult with no experience with women and no social life in general. I regret that I wasted my youth, college years, and early 20s not developing a social life or experience with women and I feel it is a major setback in my life. I am incredibly lonely and sexually frustrated and I want to become someone that women find attarctive so I can finally expereince being with them. I've taken steps to improve myself but I still don't know how to even "cross the line" into meeting and dating women. I lack social skills and believe that I may be on the spectrum like my brother but was never diagnosed.
.
Full post:
I've accepted the fact that my lonliness and depression stems from that fact that I "underachieved socially" in my life
I met a lot of people in school but never made lasting friendships. I've never had a group of friends to call the boys. I don't have friends. I don't have a social life. I don't have social media. I sometimes go out alone on a friday night but end up just standing alone in the corner. I don't have hobbies. I go to the gym, do daily cardio, and occasionally go hiking on the mountains, but spend the rest of my time on my phone by myself.
This weekend I drove 400 miles round trip and hiked a 7 mile loop on top of a mountain I saw from google. No one knew I was there. If I had died up there no one would know.
There is a ever-present emptiness in my life. I don't really have passions. I just life day by day with no aspirations. I look forward to things like what I'm eating for dinner or what I'm going to mastervate to when I get home.
I lack self confidence and I don't know how to fix it. I am insanely insecure in comparing myself to attractive men and men that get girls, wishing I could be that guy.
All my social problems have obviously led me to having 0 experience with women. I am incredibly sexually frustrated. I cuddle my pillow every night. I want to experience kissing. I want to experiencd cuddling. I want to experience sex. I want to experience touching a girl. I want to experience a girl touching me. I want to expereince all aspects of sex. I find many women attractive and I want to have sex with many. women. All I think about is women and sex and how much I I want it. On days when I'm free I will masterbate 4-5 times and on normal days I will doit at least twice. Then I get sad knowing I once again fucked my hand and am now sitting alone in my bed and never touched a woman and start crying.
I'm so lonely I've come to the point of considering traveling somewhere where sex work is legal to pay for it. When I was in school I was obsessed with the fantasy that I would find a cute girlto be my frist girlfriend, we would experience "young love" and lose are virginities to each other and have a great innocent first relationship. That didn't happen. After graduating and entering the working world (A male-dominated engineering company with all coworkers 10-20 years older than me), I became depressed and basically have rarely ever interacted with anyone my age. I realize by this point that "fantasy" I had will never happen and now I would be ok with just paying a professional to walk me through it. But I still long for being with a girl who wants me.
I know that I could simply walk up to a girl I find attractive in public, but I don't have the skills to do that. And I know most girls would judge an older virgin. I don't know how to interact with girls my age or anyone I like.
I basically live in a regretful state. I regret that I wasted my youth and school years not making friends. I regret that I spent years in college and never got a girlfriend or got laid and will never be surrounded by that many girls my age ever again. I'm very much in an "it's over" mentality. I really wish I could redo my youth, redo college, and redo my early 20s so I could have actually had the social and dating life I wanted to have then. I feel like I won't grow up until I expereince this. This is even making want to try and get a masters degree not for the degree, but to just have a second chance in college.
However, I know that self pity does nothing, so rather than continuing to feel sad I have been trying to improve myself. This year I am down 30lb since new years & I am trying to dress better & got a new haircut: https://imgur.com/a/mgvHffr
I'm financially doing better than most people from "following the rules" of staying out of trouble, going to college, getting a good degree, and getting a good job. But again this is another reason why I don't have a social life.
I truly think I may be on the spectrum like my older brother is, which is a major cause of my social issues. But I was never formally diagnosed.
I don't know how to cross the line into actually getting a girl. I get some matches on dsting apps but most don't respond. I feel like at some point this year I will be physically attractive enough to get a girls interest, but I have no idea where to go from there. How do I flirt? How do I be charismic? How do you go from meeting a stranger to wanting to get naked in front of each other and touch each other. I don't understand how this happends and I can't wait any longer. I need to experience this to cure my sadness. It is the only source of it.
Forgot to mention I'm 25

TLDR: I underachieved socially in life which caused me to have become an adult with no experience with women and no social life in general. I regret that I wasted my youth, college years, and early 20s not developing a social life or experience with women and I feel it is a major setback in my life. I am incredibly lonely and sexually frustrated and I want to become someone that women find attarctive so I can finally expereince being with them. I've taken steps to improve myself but I still don't know how to even "cross the line" into meeting and dating women. I lack social skills and believe that I may be on the spectrum like my brother but was never diagnosed.
.
Full post:
I've accepted the fact that my lonliness and depression stems from that fact that I "underachieved socially" in my life
I met a lot of people in school but never made lasting friendships. I've never had a group of friends to call the boys. I don't have friends. I don't have a social life. I don't have social media. I sometimes go out alone on a friday night but end up just standing alone in the corner. I don't have hobbies. I go to the gym, do daily cardio, and occasionally go hiking on the mountains, but spend the rest of my time on my phone by myself.
This weekend I drove 400 miles round trip and hiked a 7 mile loop on top of a mountain I saw from google. No one knew I was there. If I had died up there no one would know.
There is a ever-present emptiness in my life. I don't really have passions. I just life day by day with no aspirations. I look forward to things like what I'm eating for dinner or what I'm going to mastervate to when I get home.
I lack self confidence and I don't know how to fix it. I am insanely insecure in comparing myself to attractive men and men that get girls, wishing I could be that guy.
All my social problems have obviously led me to having 0 experience with women. I am incredibly sexually frustrated. I cuddle my pillow every night. I want to experience kissing. I want to experiencd cuddling. I want to experience sex. I want to experience touching a girl. I want to experience a girl touching me. I want to expereince all aspects of sex. I find many women attractive and I want to have sex with many. women. All I think about is women and sex and how much I I want it. On days when I'm free I will masterbate 4-5 times and on normal days I will doit at least twice. Then I get sad knowing I once again fucked my hand and am now sitting alone in my bed and never touched a woman and start crying.
I'm so lonely I've come to the point of considering traveling somewhere where sex work is legal to pay for it. When I was in school I was obsessed with the fantasy that I would find a cute girlto be my frist girlfriend, we would experience "young love" and lose are virginities to each other and have a great innocent first relationship. That didn't happen. After graduating and entering the working world (A male-dominated engineering company with all coworkers 10-20 years older than me), I became depressed and basically have rarely ever interacted with anyone my age. I realize by this point that "fantasy" I had will never happen and now I would be ok with just paying a professional to walk me through it. But I still long for being with a girl who wants me.
I know that I could simply walk up to a girl I find attractive in public, but I don't have the skills to do that. And I know most girls would judge an older virgin. I don't know how to interact with girls my age or anyone I like.
I basically live in a regretful state. I regret that I wasted my youth and school years not making friends. I regret that I spent years in college and never got a girlfriend or got laid and will never be surrounded by that many girls my age ever again. I'm very much in an "it's over" mentality. I really wish I could redo my youth, redo college, and redo my early 20s so I could have actually had the social and dating life I wanted to have then. I feel like I won't grow up until I expereince this. This is even making want to try and get a masters degree not for the degree, but to just have a second chance in college.
However, I know that self pity does nothing, so rather than continuing to feel sad I have been trying to improve myself. This year I am down 30lb since new years & I am trying to dress better & got a new haircut: https://imgur.com/a/mgvHffr
I'm financially doing better than most people from "following the rules" of staying out of trouble, going to college, getting a good degree, and getting a good job. But again this is another reason why I don't have a social life.
I truly think I may be on the spectrum like my older brother is, which is a major cause of my social issues. But I was never formally diagnosed.
I don't know how to cross the line into actually getting a girl. I get some matches on dsting apps but most don't respond. I feel like at some point this year I will be physically attractive enough to get a girls interest, but I have no idea where to go from there. How do I flirt? How do I be charismic? How do you go from meeting a stranger to wanting to get naked in front of each other and touch each other. I don't understand how this happends and I can't wait any longer. I need to experience this to cure my sadness. It is the only source of it.
Forgot to mention I'm 25

Hi!
I'm super dysphoric abt my hair and I hate it a lot lol. but no matter how hard I try I am never idk. brave enough. to actually do anything about it. (i am 19, i have known i was trans since i was 13, i have wanted short hair for that entire time, i still have long feminine hair and have not transitioned at all in any way which is super abnormal for my peer group). i never go to salons because they give me haircuts i dont like and i just hate it. i posted here a couple days ago asking for advice for haircut at home but for some reason my latest like. 4 reddit posts have all had 0 engagement like upvotes or comments so i dont rlly have any hopes for this one lol. but yeah. should i just get it over with and shave my head and deal with the misery and consequences for a couple months?
additionally, i am going to be working in the middle of nowhere in the woods for 2 months so itll be easy to grow it out. idk. i hate my hair so much and also so many aspects of my life but ik itll never change so. alas lol.

TLDR: I underachieved socially in life which caused me to have become an adult with no experience with women and no social life in general. I regret that I wasted my youth, college years, and early 20s not developing a social life or experience with women and I feel it is a major setback in my life. I am incredibly lonely and sexually frustrated and I want to become someone that women find attarctive so I can finally expereince being with them. I've taken steps to improve myself but I still don't know how to even "cross the line" into meeting and dating women. I lack social skills and believe that I may be on the spectrum like my brother but was never diagnosed.
.
Full post:
I've accepted the fact that my lonliness and depression stems from that fact that I "underachieved socially" in my life
I met a lot of people in school but never made lasting friendships. I've never had a group of friends to call the boys. I don't have friends. I don't have a social life. I don't have social media. I sometimes go out alone on a friday night but end up just standing alone in the corner. I don't have hobbies. I go to the gym, do daily cardio, and occasionally go hiking on the mountains, but spend the rest of my time on my phone by myself.
This weekend I drove 400 miles round trip and hiked a 7 mile loop on top of a mountain I saw from google. No one knew I was there. If I had died up there no one would know.
There is a ever-present emptiness in my life. I don't really have passions. I just life day by day with no aspirations. I look forward to things like what I'm eating for dinner or what I'm going to mastervate to when I get home.
I lack self confidence and I don't know how to fix it. I am insanely insecure in comparing myself to attractive men and men that get girls, wishing I could be that guy.
All my social problems have obviously led me to having 0 experience with women. I am incredibly sexually frustrated. I cuddle my pillow every night. I want to experience kissing. I want to experiencd cuddling. I want to experience sex. I want to experience touching a girl. I want to experience a girl touching me. I want to expereince all aspects of sex. I find many women attractive and I want to have sex with many. women. All I think about is women and sex and how much I I want it. On days when I'm free I will masterbate 4-5 times and on normal days I will doit at least twice. Then I get sad knowing I once again fucked my hand and am now sitting alone in my bed and never touched a woman and start crying.
I'm so lonely I've come to the point of considering traveling somewhere where sex work is legal to pay for it. When I was in school I was obsessed with the fantasy that I would find a cute girlto be my frist girlfriend, we would experience "young love" and lose are virginities to each other and have a great innocent first relationship. That didn't happen. After graduating and entering the working world (A male-dominated engineering company with all coworkers 10-20 years older than me), I became depressed and basically have rarely ever interacted with anyone my age. I realize by this point that "fantasy" I had will never happen and now I would be ok with just paying a professional to walk me through it. But I still long for being with a girl who wants me.
I know that I could simply walk up to a girl I find attractive in public, but I don't have the skills to do that. And I know most girls would judge an older virgin. I don't know how to interact with girls my age or anyone I like.
I basically live in a regretful state. I regret that I wasted my youth and school years not making friends. I regret that I spent years in college and never got a girlfriend or got laid and will never be surrounded by that many girls my age ever again. I'm very much in an "it's over" mentality. I really wish I could redo my youth, redo college, and redo my early 20s so I could have actually had the social and dating life I wanted to have then. I feel like I won't grow up until I expereince this. This is even making want to try and get a masters degree not for the degree, but to just have a second chance in college.
However, I know that self pity does nothing, so rather than continuing to feel sad I have been trying to improve myself. This year I am down 30lb since new years & I am trying to dress better & got a new haircut: https://imgur.com/a/mgvHffr
I'm financially doing better than most people from "following the rules" of staying out of trouble, going to college, getting a good degree, and getting a good job. But again this is another reason why I don't have a social life.
I truly think I may be on the spectrum like my older brother is, which is a major cause of my social issues. But I was never formally diagnosed.
I don't know how to cross the line into actually getting a girl. I get some matches on dsting apps but most don't respond. I feel like at some point this year I will be physically attractive enough to get a girls interest, but I have no idea where to go from there. How do I flirt? How do I be charismic? How do you go from meeting a stranger to wanting to get naked in front of each other and touch each other. I don't understand how this happends and I can't wait any longer. I need to experience this to cure my sadness. It is the only source of it.
Forgot to mention I'm 25

I've been having the same guy cut my hair for years, but sometimes he's out of town or otherwise not available, so once in a great while, I'll go somewhere else. The haircut I always get is a basic one, it's called an Ivy League cut and it just means shorter on the sides/back and longer on the top and you brush it back or whatever, a lot of men have this haircut, it's very common.
One time about 15 years ago, my guy wasn't available and I went to somebody else. When I told him the haircut, he made a weird face like he'd never heard of it. I looked through one of his books and showed him a picture, and I explained, it's short on the sides and longer on the top. He smiled and nodded like suddenly he knew exactly what I wanted, turned me away from the mirror and completely shaved off the sides of my hair to the skin, all the way up above my ears, so it basically looked like a comically short bowl cut. It was ridiculous. I had to have my hair cut very short all over in order to blend it in, and when my hair is short on the top, it sticks straight out like Sid Vicious. Takes forever to get it long enough to lie down again.
Anyway, it was annoying and I haven't forgotten it because of that. So about a week ago, I go to make an appointment with my guy and he's in his home country for another couple weeks (he's Chinese). So I just stopped by one of those cheapo places where they cut everyone's hair and it's like $30 or whatever. I came in armed with an image search on my phone full of pictures of this haircut, which again, is already very common and simple.
I show them to the lady who called me up when it was my turn and she scrunched up her nose and looked from the phone to my face like 3x, as if she was baffled by something. So I said, in the most cheerful and polite way possible, "Hey, if you think this looks like it will be a problem, No worries. I can wait or go somewhere else. I have a guy who does it for me all the time, he's just out of town."
The lady was like "What do you mean, of course I can do it!" as if she hadn't made that weird exaggerated face looking back and forth thing.
So I just said, okay, you looked a little concerned there, so I wanted to be sure, and I told her that once before, someone had made a face like that, and I walked out of the barbershop looking like one of the 3 stooges. She seemed okay after that, and led me to the chair.
At first I just sat there quietly in the chair, but I kept noticing her making little sounds, I didn't know if she was singing or clearing her throat or what, but it was a little odd how often she was doing it, so I just casually started talking about my kids, because that seems like a pretty innocuous subject. She looked my age or possibly a little older - I'm late 50s. She said "Any grandkids?" and I said no, both of my girls are still in their early 20's. And then she acted surprised and straight up insinuated that I looked way too old to have kids in their 20's. I don't really give a shit, I smoked for 30 years, I'm sure I do look older than I am, but ya don't say that to somebody! I didn't react in any way, I just said "yeah we got a late start" because it's true, we had issues with that and didn't have our first until we were married like a decade.
And then I realized that the sounds were her making these weird giggling noises. I thought she was maybe listening to the next chair over (2 ladies who were talking a lot) but her giggle noises didn't line up with anything they were saying. I didn't really talk to her much after that, but she did a decent job on my hair (not like my guy but not embarrassing haha) so when she was done, I thanked her and went to pay and on the way up I said, hope I didn't offend you, it's just that once something like that happens, you want to be careful from then on. And she waits until I give her the money and her tip and goes, "I've been cutting hair for 60 years, I know how to do that haircut."
I was just like "Apparently so!" and pointed at my head, with my tongue hanging out because at this point I was like where are the hidden cameras, she cannot possibly still be upset! This has to be a joke but she was still acting haughty about it. WHY?? What on earth was so terrible about me making sure she knew that haircut?

I guess this could also be a bit of a vent but... so i'm a young trans guy and i want to know how to pass better. i'm scared of getting a short haircut since i dont want to be seen as a "weird girl" since i already don't have any friends in school. i mainly stick with a mullet/wolf cut but i cant even style that. my hair is super flat and straight and i get jealous of all the people who's hair has more texture. i have products but they never stay and it just gets flat again in an hour. when i first got a haircut though i was called sir by a waiter but that's it.
my voice is also an issue but i don't think i can change that at all besides for going on testosterone which i currently can't do.
and last is just mannerisms and outfits. i feel like i get mistaken as a girl so much because of just how i walk or what words i use. i wanna be seen as a guy with how i talk or text and how i act, but i'm not sure what to change. and with clothes i mainly wear like emo skater clothes like baggy jeans and baggy shirts with zip-ups but i feel like it never fits like a guy on me. i want a binder and got one before but it was too small, but i'm worried about school. i have gym early and i don't want that to cause problems. also because i'd have to wear it for the entire school day and however long after school till i get home.
sorry if this was a lot i just don't know what to do and i've been feeling extremely dysphoric and have no one to get advice from...

Hey there! Thanks for stopping by - this is going to be a long one, but I promise you it will be worth it.
First, I'll tell you my basic "Stats": I'm male, of European descent. Specifically I have some Swedish and Italian ancestors. To be honest that doesn't mean too much to me, except that I will always love making the two Swedish recipes I learned from my Grandmother. Crap, I'm getting sidetracked already. Anyway, stats... I'm 6'1" so unless you're super tall you are in the clear to wear heals or be a jetpack, whatever floats your boat. For my career I survived the whole law school thing and currently work as a Lawyer. Not a super boogie lawyer mind you but I do okay and I'm really starting to love my job. I work for the federal gov so my work life balance is great!
Don't worry, I have flaws too. I have ADHD, which means .... well, it means a lot of things. Sometimes if I get really interested in something (a case at work or a hobby, usually) I can get so into it that its basically a super power. However, it also means I'm usually pretty high energy in social situations and that isn't always everyone's cup of tea. I wear my emotions on my sleeve - there won't be any hiding anything from you, good or bad because I just straight up can't hide it lol. I also get a bit of anxiety as a result of some ADHD symptoms, but now that I recognize the cause it is way more manageable. The reason I'm telling you all this is... if you want to date me we need to be able to have open and honest communication about mental health.
Lets talk nerdyness. Yup, who would have guessed it the redditor is self identifying as a nerd, sound the alarms! Anyway. I am a serious fan of all things Star Trek, but I'm willing to watch the Star Wars shows with you, I guess. I enjoy anime, video games, board games, and all that type of fun stuff. Comedies like Parks and Rec, The Office, IT Crowd, and What We Do in the Shadows are my jam. I'm not sure if Karaoke is "nerdy" but I'm also into that - my friend group has Karaoke house parties and I will always be up for finding a small karaoke bar with private rooms while on a vacation. Ask me about my go to songs!
Lets talk gaming. Its a cliche but... be my player 2! If you want to play Stardew Valley together and design a super cute farm please hit me up! I like most multiplayer games and I usually play on PC, although I do have a switch. Recently I've been into Teamfight Tactics and Helldivers 2 as my primary games. With regards to board games, I'm pretty much down for anything but I love social deduction games. My favorite is Deception: Murder in Hong Kong. Overall, keeping it casual is good with me, or we can play something competitive when the group is down for it.
Lets talk fitness. To be real with you, I have a bit of a dad bod right now which I am motivated to work on improving. No one says I'm "fat" when they look at me, but I could stand to lose a little weight and tone up. I'm traveling during June, but my plan is to get a personal trainer once all that traveling is done in July. We could get one together someday if you want. I think accepting my ADHD more has made me realize I need some sort of accountability like a trainer to stay on track, and I can finally afford it! Anyway - I'd love to get into some physical hobbies with my partner and motivate each other to stay fit. In the past I've enjoyed rock climbing, skiing, running, and yoga. I'm also always down to hit up the local park for a walk.
Lets talk animals. I have a cat and she's awesome but she's also a princess; you gotta learn her quirks. I take her on walks (sometimes she cooperates with a leash, usually she's in the backpack). I'll happily provide you the cat tax early in our conversation!
Lets talk dealbreakers. I'm on the liberal end of things even though I'm not particularly political. I enjoy alcohol/weed socially but don't consume much at home. Cigarettes are a hard no, but vaping is fine even though its not my thing. Another potential dealbreaker is that I can't relocate away from the Washington DC area anytime soon due to my job. I'm not necessarily opposed to moving to another part of the country, but I can't right now, and moving outside the U.S. isn't really an option for me.
If you read this, or most of it, and you think I sound cool, drop me a message or a DM. FYI, I tend to prefer to share pictures pretty early on since physical attraction is important, but I can respect it if you want to wait a little while. Let me know how you're feeling! 25+ preferred.

Today, I want to discuss a critical issue that often goes unnoticed: the educational challenges faced by Yemeni youth, not only in Yemen but also when they migrate to countries like the USA and UK. Despite escaping the immediate dangers of conflict, these young individuals encounter new obstacles in their pursuit of education in these nations.
In Yemen, the education system has suffered immensely due to ongoing conflict, leading to destroyed infrastructure and a lack of educational resources. Moreover, as of 2020, Yemen had only four doctors per 10,000 people, reflecting the broader crisis in professional education and public health services. When Yemeni youth relocate to the USA or UK, they often continue to face significant educational hurdles. These include language barriers, cultural differences, and the struggle to catch up with different educational standards. Moreover, their prior educational experiences, which may have been disrupted or incomplete, frequently do not align with the requirements of their new schools.
Interestingly, despite these educational challenges, Yemeni Americans have made notable strides in the business sector. For instance, in the San Francisco Bay Area, Yemeni Americans have significantly impacted the local economy by owning approximately 200 small grocery stores, as reported by the Bay Area Small Merchants Association, a Yemeni-led corner store organization. Observing this, many Yemeni youth are often influenced by their family members' success in these ventures, leading some to drop out of school to pursue immediate financial opportunities.
However, it's crucial to address that without an education, children are more likely to get involved in crime. This is often because they turn to criminal activity to make money or escape difficult situations. Furthermore, uneducated individuals are more likely to end up in prison, underscoring the critical importance of education as a pathway to a safer and more productive life.
Historically, Yemenis, were known for their honesty and trustworthiness, a reputation that our parents and grandparents worked hard to establish. They were often chosen for jobs over their own compatriots. Yet today, that sense of honesty seems diminished, replaced by a rush for quick money and flashy lifestyles—cars, secret relationships, and a visible detachment from the values that once defined them. With no formal education, degree, or skillset, some have turned to dishonest means such as stealing, lying, drug dealing (including khat), and cheating.
Additionally, when we look at professional fields such as medicine, law, and engineering, we see a stark difference between Yemenis and other Arab groups like Palestinians or Egyptians. There are significantly more professionals in these fields from other Arab nations than from Yemen. This discrepancy not only highlights the educational challenges but also the professional limitations faced by our community, where many end up in roles such as cooks, store owners, or taxi drivers.
What's particularly concerning is the perception among some Yemeni Americans that the government specifically targets industries like corner stores and taxis, making it increasingly difficult for these entrepreneurs to sustain a living. This perceived targeting adds another layer of difficulty to the already challenging economic landscape for Yemeni immigrants.
The state of Yemen today, with its myriad challenges, could arguably be vastly different if there had been a stronger emphasis on education. As a community, we need to re-evaluate the importance we place on academic achievement and recognize that enhancing our educational standards is crucial for improving our quality of life and ensuring a more stable future.
Moreover, it's important to address cultural pressures that might undermine these educational pursuits. As a community abroad, we don't need to showcase to relatives back home how much money we make, nor should we place undue responsibility on our children at a young age. These practices can perpetuate a cycle of educational neglect and financial pressure that benefits no one in the long term.
Sharing a personal story, when my family arrived here in the 90s, we were dead broke. My father worked incredibly hard, but an accident that left him disabled forced us to just survive, often going days without eating. In high school, while my friends had nice clothes and haircuts, I had to share clothes with my brothers. My mom would wash our clothes in the bathtub and give us haircuts. Despite these challenges, my brothers and I now all have six-figure jobs at Fortune 500 companies. We've built a strong foundation, and we now live in a million-dollar mansion, a far cry from the struggles of our early days in this country.
Fast money comes and goes, but when you take your time to build something nice and not let distractions deter you, you will succeed. There will be many distractions and moments of doubt, times when you might ask, "God, why me?" If you are feeling that, then you are doing something challenging, but the rewards are tremendous.
I fear that there may come a day when this generation will struggle even more to teach and advance the next, further hindering

I 16MtF haven't exactly had the easiest life.
I was diagnosed with ASD when I was 7 and I've been treated like I have a mental disability.
I was harassed and threatend by a Teacher in my last year of Primary School and was never believed with my parents refusing to even ask the witnesses and just praised the teacher.
I was bullied by a group of other LGBTQIA+ young people for simply sticking out and disagreeing with them. At first they ignored me and left me out but after a while, things got nasty. They forced me to adhere to their views or they'd force me to detransition. It got so bad to the point where after 2 separate incident within a week of eachover, the first being humiliated when I tried standing up for myself after a targeted attack by the groups favourite member which was over something I enjoyed being Transphobic, the second was when I at an event, about to get my Gender Affirming haircut, the same person who targeted me was able to get their haircut instead of me who had waited like everyone else. I didn't bring up the time I was beaten by someone in the group as I don't really remember many of the details, I don't remember who or when as it happened so quickly. No matter how hard I begged to my parents to do something, they seemed to have been okay with this group bullying me.
I always found it tricky to make friends, especially in my teenage years where I only made one friend who pretty much saved my life after I nearly took my own life after all of this happened (He isn't aware of this), he ended the friendship with me last August and I found the reason to be rather suspicious which will be told later on in the post.
I was taken away from home at 15 after my Mum faked an injury after a fight we had where I issued an Ultimatum to do something about the amount of bullying I was going through or else I'd call the Gardai (Police). I was taken into the care of Tusla (Child Protection Services) and was treated quite badly in the first 2 residentials I was in. The 3rd one is better but it's not home and I can't stand the residents Transphobia and the abusivness towards me and staff.
School has been pretty tough for me, I was forced to reconcile with a teacher who had played victim when he tried getting me in trouble for struggling, the Vice Principal made a lie about me after I snapped where he claimed I chased him to his office with the intention of assaulting him, I was sometimes sent home for just appearing and used that lie to put me in the Schools Special Education class. After bring taken into care of Tusla, the school kept refusing to let me go back despite their promises and begging, when I was eventually allowed to return after a meeting with the school claiming I'd be allowed to attend mainstream if I wanted but in reality it was in the Special Education class, my confidence in confronting them was gone with my friend unfriending me which I have a feeling the school forced on him as they didn't want me going in with support, they claim he isn't comfortable talking with me RN and have refused to even tell me why. Whenever someone tried raising alarm bells, they were told to mind their own business, they rigged a Student Council election to tell Tusla I was beloved in the school so they could get them off their back, putting me under stress with the upcoming Junior Cycle Exams, only accepting top marks from me when it's the least of my problems and all I want is to do okay.
I've told my parents about everything but all they do is tell me to suck it up and get over it and claiming they wouldn't be let off scott free despite that being exactly what happened. If it was any of my other 3 siblings, they would of gotten a TD (Member of Parliament) and a solicitor to fight the group or school to fight and do something. They condoned every bit of abuse I received which caused me to be where I am today.
I just want to live a normal life, free of stress, with my friend and with the bullies/abusers dealt with.

We've been together since we were 15. He always had a simple style, but he used to take care of himself. He used to get an haircut regularly (at least once a month), bought new clothes when he needed to and lost weight. He said he wanted to look better for me, and now that he got comfortable and feels generally happy and accepted in the relationship he can't find motivation to lose weight. So, he's obese, doesn't cut his hair anymore (and he has curly hair now, so you can imagine the mess), rarely shaves his beard, always wears the same clothes. When we go out I already know what he's gonna wear cause it's the same 2-3 shirts and the same pair of pants.
It's not about depression or mental health issues, he just spends most of his energy into his passions (which is good, I love that about him, but still...) and doesn't really care about his appereance. Last summer he also smelled bad pretty often and he said the deodorant that he used wasn't effective. Then why not change it? He doesn't have that problem anymore, but the root of the problem is always there. He's always making up excuses for not buying new clothes or not losing weight, saying that he doesn't have money to buy gym equipment or go to the gym or to go shopping, but he's always spending money on other things. He could also engage in physical activity in other ways, and when I told him that he said he doesn't have time. Which is partly true - because he studies a lot - but even when he was at home and had nothing to do he was always making up excuses.
I really don't like the idea of mothering him, even when he has to come visit my family I often find myself having to remind him about dressing appropriately, grooming and so on. There was even a time when he wanted to attend an important lunch wearing a hoodie and we ended up having an argument about this.
Though it's still early to bring up living together, I can't stop thinking that it might be the same at home. I worry that if we were to live together someday, I'd have to direct him on what needs to be done, where and how to clean up all the time.
He has very emotionally distant parents who never really taught him anything, which I think is a major factor behind his behaviour and makes me emphatize with him. However, I'm less attracted to him over time. I'd be more attracted to him if he took care of himself, not only because his appereance would definitely improve, but also because I think it's incredibly unappealing and immature when someone doesn't care about the way they present themselves to others.
TL;DR: I'm less attracted to my boyfriend because he doesn't take care of himself: he's overweight, doesn't cut his hair, doesn't shave his beard, always wears the same clothes and is generally kind of a slob.

I recently brought Gramma home from the nursing home. While she was there, she was dealing with what looked like dementia. She kept asking me about her parents and her kids and talking about the train. I even had the nurses coaching me on what to do with dementia. The doctor she had refused to diagnose her with that.
Now that I've got her home, she's so coherent. The first day she thought I was my mom. She keeps getting my name mixed up with my mom's. But beyond that and some memory slips, like wrong words or the occasional question about where momma (dead) is, she is fine. I brought had home on the first of May. We went out and got haircuts and went by the bank even! But she kinda forgot how banks work and gave me a blank check to pull money out in her name and I'm pretty certain I can't do that.
So like, is that normal? I doesn't seem to be a final burst of energy cuz it's been days. She had c diff (dif?) in the hospital so I dunno if that contributed to it. But like clockwork, every day for like four months, she would start losing her memory at about 11:30am/12pm. She had good days and bad days. She's had a stroke before. I dunno if that's important. But like is that normal? Is she gonna stay this way? How long is she gonna be like this?

Hi (30f and 3A/B), I’ve been mostly a lurker for a long time, but I needed to post after my really bad haircut today.
So, a little background, I just moved to a new area and my previous amazing stylist (that helped me grow out my hair for three years and got it almost to my goal length) found a sister salon for the brand she works for in the area I now live.
Well, I had my appointment today with someone that advertised herself as a “curly specialist”. Boy, was that wrong. At the beginning of the appointment, as she was looking over my hair she first commented on the “bulk” of my hair and kind of looked annoyed with the thickness and asked if I wanted bulk removed; which I very clearly said I didn’t and that I enjoyed my hair thickness. Prior to this cut my braided ponytail was about as thick as my wrist. I told her in very specific detail that I only wanted a trim and about an inch off as I am in the military and my hair has very specific requirements that it has to fall into when pulled back for work; also, I’ve been growing it out and still intended to do so, then ends just needed a little love. I also stated that my hair could not have a lot of layers and I added that I usually wear my natural texture on the weekends.
The stylist and I SEEMED to be on the same page and then off to the shampoo and then back to the chair to start the cut. At first it seemed to be going well and then more and MORE hair fell and I couldn’t tell how much length was coming off but it didn’t seem right and she seemed to be cutting into the bulk.
Then she got to the layers, she used a straight razor on my hair to cut the layers. Then, instead of long “face-framing layers” in the front she made it pretty short to where it’ll be difficult to pull back correctly. Then she starting blow drying without adding heat protection and asked if I wanted it straight or wavy and it ended up being just flipped on the ends and when it was dry SHE CUT MORE OF MY BULK. After getting home and showering and styling it, she ended up taking about 5-6 inches off and a lot of the density and I’m just devastated.
If you’ve gotten this far, thank you.
TLDR: New “Curly stylist” I went to acted like we were on the same page and BUTCHERED my hair I’ve been growing for three years when I only wanted a trim.

Update on character at the bottom of this post.
Name: Nishioka Kohaku
Gender: Male
Age:24
Birthday: 7/1/1998
Occupation: Pyrographer (day job)
Net Worth- Billionaire (Inherited)- Uses his money to fund his operations as a villain.
Height:5’8
Weight:160 lbs.
Hair Color: Black w/ colored highlights
Hair type/Haircut: Long and straight, usually wears it in a Nordic Braid
Facial HaiFacial Hair Type:N/A
Facial Hair Color:N/A
Eye Color: Orange Amber
Skin Color: Light Olive
Blood type: O negative
Distinguishing Physical Features: Semi-pointed ears - has industrial piercings both ears, along with pierced earlobes.
==•{Bio}•==
Personal Strengths: Able to regulate his emotions efficiently and can be calm in most situations. Has great creative intelligence and can navigate problems relatively well.
Personal Weaknesses: Dislikes being condescended to/ talked down upon. Has problems with authority. Hates when interrupted while talking and hates being talked over. He also does not like it when someone tries to order him around.
Attitude: Calm, Cold, has a sharp tongue. Kohaku is easily annoyed, though he doesn’t show it. Has somewhat of a temper. Quick to verbal attacks when provoked. He won’t get physical unless he is attacked first.
Likes: Art, Food, Reading, Training (Quirk and Martial Arts) He enjoys wearing ambiguous clothing.
Dislikes: Excessive force. Most people, due to trust issues, especially those who try to intimidate and bully other people. Crowds, Loud Noise, being dragged into things he doesn’t want to do.
Habits: Tends to ignore anything he isn’t interested in. Tends to restrain himself in combat, due to the power of his flames.
Reason for becoming a Hero/Villain: Disillusioned with society and he wants to change it by any means necessary. Kohaku chose to be a villain for the sole reason that he would not have as much freedom as a hero to achieve his goals.
Relationship with Family: Parents deceased. Estranged with siblings due to differences in social views and values.
Backstory (If any): Kohaku grew up being the eldest of 4 children. His childhood was fairly normal, and he was spoiled along with his siblings. This stemmed from his parents not having good relationships with their own parents, hence they gave their children everything they asked for. For the most part he got along with his siblings, as they were roughly 2-3 years apart in age from one another. Kohaku has a brother, and two sisters. All of them have quirks different from his.
==•{Quirk Information} •==
Quirk Name: Samum
Quirk Type: Emitter
Quirk Range: Varies
Quirk Description: Able to generate and manipulate magenta flames that exude an extremely poisonous gas. His flames do not emit heat but do “burn” anything they touch due to their poisonous properties. Relies mainly on his hands and feet, but he can use his flames with his elbows and knees as well.
Miscellaneous Quirk Info: Although capable of releasing large amounts of fire. Kohaku prefers to make constructs from his flame (primarily weapons) to avoid poisoning his surroundings excessively and to avoid harming his teammates. He tries not to make direct hits with his flames unless absolutely necessary. Usually aims for the space next to his intended target.
Quirk Strengths: Highly Effective at dealing damage quickly. His flames have great force and precision.
Quirk Weaknesses: Hazardous to the surrounding environment (I.e people, plants, buildings). Kohaku has to maintain absolute control at all times, this requires immense concentration. He suffers from chronic migraines as a result. If disturbed enough, his flames will spread and poison a wide radius very quickly, potentially killing all who are exposed.
Special Moves:
Gleipnir- Forms multiple chains that bind his opponent(s) in place. Uses this move in preparation for Jörmungandr.
Jörmungandr- Kohaku forms a giant snake from his flames and launches it toward a target. He uses this move as a last resort as it usually gives him a severe migraine.
Jarngreipr- close combat move- Kohaku encases his arms in flames and pummels the opponent.
Age quirk obtained- late- bloomer - didn’t get quirk until he was 8.
How the quirk first manifested: In self-defense, accidentally killed group of bullies that were hitting him. Ran home and he hid in his room crying silently. He never told his parents, and he still carries the guilt and fear from that incident.
==•{Hero/Villain Information} •==
Hero/Villain Name: Ifrit (pronounced efreet)
Hero or Villain: Villain
Hero Agency/Villain Team:Einherjar - Consists of Kohaku and five others. He formed his team when he was 20, with friends from his school days. Kohaku cares about them a great deal, and is very protective of them. He is meticulous when choosing jobs and doesn’t hesitate to retreat if the situation gets too dangerous.
Costume: Similar to his usual clothes. - Dark pleather pants w/ a white belt and heeled Chelsea boots. Also a red long sleeve shirt underneath a sleeveless vest. Over that is a black leather jacket with a loose blue scarf. Wears his armor over the jacket and pants.
Gadgets/Tech/Weapons: Has gauntlets and greaves that he uses to assist him in forming constructs. Both have vents which he focuses his flames through. For his gauntlets, he has an opening on the inner part of his wrist and the back of his hand. For his greaves, openings on the bottom near his ankles.
Suitable/Beneficial/Weak Environmental Effects
Best Quirk Environment: Dry, open areas with high visibility, light exposure and little to no wind.
Weak Quirk Environment: High humidity, Extreme Weather (i.e heavy rain/wind) with large cloud cover. Enclosed spaces such as inside a building, tunnel, or cave.
Update on character:
Quirk Awakening - Shadow Ember Forge:
Upon a harrowing encounter that tests the boundaries of his capabilities, Nishioka Kohaku delves into uncharted territories of his quirk, unlocking the enigmatic Shadow Ember Forge. This evolution intertwines his magenta flames with an ethereal cloak of shadow, imbuing his constructs with an unprecedented blend of darkness and venomous intensity. The Shadow Ember Forge grants Kohaku the power to manifest intricate shadow-infused weapons and versatile constructs, enhancing his combat prowess and strategic adaptability on the battlefield.
Enhanced Combat Techniques:

• Shadow Ember Arsenal: Through the Shadow Ember Forge, Kohaku gains access to a diverse array of shadow-imbued weaponry, ranging from dual blades adorned with ethereal flames to a shadow-infused gun capable of unleashing devastating projectiles. These formidable armaments combine the lethal properties of his magenta flames with the shrouded darkness, enabling him to engage adversaries with heightened precision and ferocity.
• Golem of Shadows: Expanding his control over shadow constructs, Kohaku can now summon formidable golems infused with the essence of the Shadow Ember Forge. These towering entities exhibit a fusion of his fiery past and enigmatic present, serving as formidable allies in combat and tactical maneuvers, bolstering his strategic advantage in challenging confrontations.

Enhanced Drawbacks:
As Kohaku delves deeper into the intricacies of the Shadow Ember Forge, the strain of maintaining the delicate balance between shadow and flame energies intensifies. The fusion of these dual elements demands heightened mental fortitude and concentration, amplifying the risk of mental fatigue and potential loss of control over the quirk's volatile nature. Additionally, the shadowy tendrils of the Forge may occasionally exhibit a will of their own, testing Kohaku's resolve and challenging his mastery over the fused abilities.
Costume Enhancement:
To align with the evolved prowess granted by the Shadow Ember Forge, Nishioka Kohaku's costume undergoes a transformative upgrade, integrating elements that reflect the fusion of shadow and flame. His attire now features subtle shadow ember accents, intertwining with the dark pleather pants and leather jacket, evoking an ominous yet captivating aesthetic that symbolizes his dual nature as Ifrit, the enigmatic villain of Einherjar.

I'm (F20) less attracted to my boyfriend (M20) because he doesn't take care of himself. What should I do?
We've been together since we were 15. He always had a simple style, but he used to take care of himself. He used to get an haircut regularly (at least once a month), bought new clothes when he needed to and lost weight. He said he wanted to look better for me, and now that he got comfortable and feels generally happy and accepted in the relationship he can't find motivation to lose weight. So, he's obese, doesn't cut his hair anymore (and he has curly hair now, so you can imagine the mess), rarely shaves his beard, always wears the same clothes. When we go out I already know what he's gonna wear cause it's the same 2-3 shirts and the same pair of pants.
It's not about depression or mental health issues, he just spends most of his energy into his passions (which is good, I love that about him, but still...) and doesn't really care about his appereance. Last summer he also smelled bad pretty often and he said the deodorant that he used wasn't effective. Then why not change it? He doesn't have that problem anymore, but the root of the problem is always there. He's always making up excuses for not buying new clothes or not losing weight, saying that he doesn't have money to buy gym equipment or go to the gym or to go shopping, but he's always spending money on other things. He could also engage in physical activity in other ways, and when I told him that he said he doesn't have time. Which is partly true - because he studies a lot - but even when he was at home and had nothing to do he was always making up excuses.
I really don't like the idea of mothering him, even when he has to come visit my family I often find myself having to remind him about dressing appropriately, grooming and so on. There was even a time when he wanted to attend an important lunch wearing a hoodie and we ended up having an argument about this.
Though it's still early to bring up living together, I can't stop thinking that it might be the same at home. I worry that if we were to live together someday, I'd have to direct him on what needs to be done, where and how to clean up all the time.
He has very emotionally distant parents who never really taught him anything, which I think is a major factor behind his behaviour and makes me emphatize with him. However, I'm less attracted to him over time. I'd be more attracted to him if he took care of himself, not only because his appereance would definitely improve, but also because I think it's incredibly unappealing and immature when someone doesn't care about the way they present themselves to others.
TL;DR: I'm less attracted to my boyfriend because he doesn't take care of himself: he's overweight, doesn't cut his hair, doesn't shave his beard, always wears the same clothes and is generally kind of a slob.

We've been together since we were 15. He always had a simple style, but he used to take care of himself. He used to get an haircut regularly (at least once a month), bought new clothes when he needed to and lost weight. He said he wanted to look better for me, and now that he got comfortable and feels generally happy and accepted in the relationship he can't find motivation to lose weight. So, he's obese, doesn't cut his hair anymore (and he has curly hair now, so you can imagine the mess), rarely shaves his beard, always wears the same clothes. When we go out I already know what he's gonna wear cause it's the same 2-3 shirts and the same pair of pants.
It's not about depression or mental health issues, he just spends most of his energy into his passions (which is good, I love that about him, but still...) and doesn't really care about his appereance. Last summer he also smelled bad pretty often and he said the deodorant that he used wasn't effective. Then why not change it? He doesn't have that problem anymore, but the root of the problem is always there. He's always making up excuses for not buying new clothes or not losing weight, saying that he doesn't have money to buy gym equipment or go to the gym or to go shopping, but he's always spending money on other things. He could also engage in physical activity in other ways, and when I told him that he said he doesn't have time. Which is partly true - because he studies a lot - but even when he was at home and had nothing to do he was always making up excuses.
I really don't like the idea of mothering him, even when he has to come visit my family I often find myself having to remind him about dressing appropriately, grooming and so on. There was even a time when he wanted to attend an important lunch wearing a hoodie and we ended up having an argument about this.
Though it's still early to bring up living together, I can't stop thinking that it might be the same at home. I worry that if we were to live together someday, I'd have to direct him on what needs to be done, where and how to clean up all the time.
He has very emotionally distant parents who never really taught him anything, which I think is a major factor behind his behaviour and makes me emphatize with him. However, I'm less attracted to him over time. I'd be more attracted to him if he took care of himself, not only because his appereance would definitely improve, but also because I think it's incredibly unappealing and immature when someone doesn't care about the way they present themselves to others.
TL;DR: I'm less attracted to my boyfriend because he doesn't take care of himself: he's overweight, doesn't cut his hair, doesn't shave his beard, always wears the same clothes and is generally kind of a slob.

My brother thinks I poisoned him and now I'm living in dread (this will be a bit lengthy, sorry). My brother (33m) and I (37m) unfortunately, like to take Xanax. I only take 1/4 of a pill when needed or wanted, which is rare. I only found out last year that my brother likes them too. For context, I don't like my brother and never have. He's selfish, concede, egotistical, narcissistic and truly feels like he is superior to all humans, despite being an idiot-loser. He blames everyone and everything else for his problems, even when he admits fault. I have never been close to him but out of deep love for our father, I try to have a relationship with him, despite my absolute disgust for him. Well, I made a huge mistake by letting my brother convince me to move to the same property as him, so we could be closer and share the friend referral fee. Well, about 2 weeks before my move, he quit his job and a week before I moved, he came to my apartment to hang and while he was there, he told me he wanted to get a bottle of Xanax which contains 30 pills each. I got one with him (a bottle lasts me 2-3 years depending), he ate his in 5 days. We got them on a Wednesday and by that following Monday morning, he told me he was already out. That's when he confessed to me that he takes a minimum of 3-4 a day and has been for months. 2 days later, I went to pick up the keys and went to his apt. When I got there, he was gaming and slurring his words a bit, so I asked him if he got more pills. He showed me the bottle and he was already half way through it. I told him he shouldn't take the pills like that bc they can cause severe problems if he quits cold turkey. He simply replied, "I've been through withdrawal before. It ain't shit". All I could think was "ok, but were you taking 8-10 pills a day for weeks??". So, I started distancing myself from him bc all he did was whine, bitch and moan about how his life sucks bc our dad spanked him when we were kids. I said I got hit too and I'm fine. But all he does is whine about how everything is everyone else's fault and it's not his he wound up a loser. So, being the more responsible older brother I am, tried to help by feeding him as much and as often as I could. A couple of weeks go by and I didn't take to him much. We texted almost everyday and I dropped food to him here and there but again, I was trying to distance myself some. Well, a Thursday came and I asked him if he wanted to go eat with me. He said yes and we went for Thai food. He was fine. He looked fine, spoke fine, acted fine. I didn't see or speak to him the next day (Friday) but Saturday morning at 9am, he texted me asking to come over. When I opened that door, he was a completely different person. His eyes were black, his pupils were insanely dilated, his cheeks were sunk in and you could tell he hadn't showered in a couple of days. He was going through withdrawal and I knew it, so I brought him in and that's where shit got real. He started telling me he thought the feds were after him bc he was holding some checks for a friend in a safety deposit box (even before this, something my brother would never do) and that he has cashed one for like $20k. I knew this was all paranoia and just rolled with it. He continued to tell me that there was a swat raid at the apt across from him and he watched it all through the window. He said that, "they must have known he was there bc one of the officers stood outside his door all night". He said he came to my apt as soon as the guy left. He then told me he went to Dallas the day before for training for Harris County. (They don't do that, Harris County is in Houston). So, I tried to get him to settle and calm down by putting on a neutral show with no real violence and put him up on my couch. He laid there for a good 2 hours, but kept talking to himself out loud and to me, who was in my bedroom. I was worried, so I called my dest friend and told her what was going on. She was worried too and stayed on the phone w me almost the entire time my brother was over. I had to go get my haircut and was gone no more than an hour. When I got back, he was still on the couch, saying weird and random stuff. I tried to get him to eat but he refused. I tried to get him to drink but he refused. Then, he just came and laid on my hard bedroom floor for a solid 6 hours. I got him a blanket and pillow and kept trying to get him to lay on the couch bc it's more comfortable than the floor but he said he was fine. At about 9pm that night, he got up and said he was going home. I asked if he was ok to go home and he said he was fine. So, he left and I went to sleep. Nex thing I know, I woke up around 630am to multiple missed calls from our dad, which is odd bc they were made all through the night. I called him as soon as I saw it and he picked up in a bit of a panic, asking what my brother took. I asked what he was talking about and he said my brother was acting weird like he was overdosing. So, I came clean to my dad about what's been going on. (For context, I didn't notify him sooner bc it wouldn't have done any good. My brother thinks he's smarter and better than everyone and would lose his mind if I told). My dad hangs up and tells the doctors what I told him. Apparently, my brother decided to go to my dad's in the middle of the night but got lost bc he wasn't in the right state of mind. He called my dad panicking and my dad and stepmom had to go find him. When they did and got him back to their house, they said he was talking about weird stuff and was really scaring them. So, they took him to the hospital. Once my dad told them about the pills, they transferred my brother to the psych ward of the hospital. A few days go by with my dad going to see him every day, tried telling my brother what happened. Only for my brother to laugh in his face and tell him he's full of shit. Telling my dad it's his fault he's in the hospital. A couple more days go by and my dad told me to go see him. That following Saturday I was getting ready to go, when I got a call from my dad telling me not to go. When I asked why not, he told me my brother is saying I POISONED HIM and that's why he got sick!! TF?? So, my brother got transferred to an actual psychiatric hospital and was there for about 2 weeks. When he got out, he didn't speak to me and I didn't see him. My dad just kept telling me he didn't want to talk about it, so I left it alone. Fast forward a few weeks and it's my nephews 1st birthday party. I'm talking to my stepmom and she made a comment of "how my brother must really be scared to not come to the party". I looked at her and asked what she meant. That's when she told me the truth. That my brother is telling everyone that I tried to kill him! He's adamant that I tried to kill him by poisoning him and now he's scared of me. Now, this wouldn't be too bad for a lot of people, but my brother is an extremely angry and volatile person. It takes nothing to set him off. And he doesn't like being scared of anything or anyone. Which means, that one of these days, it's 1000% possible that he just snaps and gets mad and comes after me. And yes, he owns 2 guns and has access to plenty more. All unregistered too. I can't talk to my dad about it bc he's just sticking his head in the sand like an ostrich, claiming neutrality. But this isn't some childhood or pety disagreement. He TRULY thinks I tried to poison him and that it had NOTHING to do with the pills! (Which, I guarantee he's taking again). He's being an even bigger AH to my dad bc he blames my dad for him being in the hospital. Even though my dad is paying his rent, car note, insurance and all his other bills. My brother is acting like my dad owes him this and is being the biggest and most ungrateful POS I've ever seen. Even worse than his normal self, and that saying A LOT. I'm going to talk to my friend whose an apartment supervisor and see what I can do about legally getting out of my lease bc I'm not going to wait around for him to get mad and try to do something about it. Sorry this was so long but it was a lot and I needed to get it off my chest bc I'm stressed, constantly looking over my shoulder for my brother. What else can I or should I do?

It's been hard to find time to write this past week, but I'm chugging along, however sluggish. I also want to give a huge thanks to u/icallshogun for telling me how to use new-old reddit, because it's already saved me a bunch of time posting this single chapter.
I have a bad habit of last minute editing before I post chapters. I'll usually go over once or twice and switch up a few things. I didn't this time. Why am I telling you this? No idea. Enjoy.
A little PSA: if the next chapter button is missing, it's most likely in the comments (either that, or the next chapter isn't out yet), because sometimes reddit likes to say posts are more than 40k even when they aren't, making them impossible to edit. I just had this problem adding the link to chapter 12.
Many thanks to u/SpacePaladin for making NoP!
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Chapter 13: A million miles away
- Memory Transcription Subject: Arlene Brandy, Human Refugee
Date [Standardized Human Time]: October 20th, 2136
The refugee center crested the horizon, with UN banners draped from the second story, and signs marking some of the nearby buildings as temporary housing. I wondered how exactly they convinced people to hand over entire buildings for use. One of them wasn’t even an apartment building, it was offices.
There were more humans around, of course, with the venlil population extremely sparse, only a few brave enough to be anywhere near the ‘den’. I grabbed the door, and opened it, revealing the main lobby, which to my utter surprise, had a venlil at the desk along with a human.
It feels so weird to point out when people are human or not, but that’s just how it is now. I ambled towards the pair, keeping my movements slow and calculated, not to scare the guy. He noticed, and let out a chuckle.
“No need to worry about me ma’am. I’m quite used to humans by now.”
I relaxed, blushing a little. “That makes sense.”
“What do you need?” The venlil asked.
“Oh, I’ve been meaning to get one of those datapads. I have family at home I need to get in touch with.”
“And you are?”
“Arlene Brandy.”
“Uh huh.” He clicked at the computer for a moment. “Well, you’re a little late to the party. We just got five hundred or so new residents, so we’re out of new pads, but I’m sure you can find someone willing to let you borrow theirs.”
“Shit.”
“I’m sorry for the inconvenience. You’re staying at Golden Ridge apartment 113, correct?”
“Yes, why?”
“I’ll have one sent to your door when we get a new shipment.”
“Thank you.” I turned to leave.
“Wait, we wont get more for a few paws yet. Why don’t you try asking to use someone else’s?”
I turned back around to the desk. “Can I use yours?”
"Sorry, mine doesn’t connect to the Earth networks.”
“Shit.”
“Please try not to swear so much, there are children around.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
The guy at the desk was so comfortable around me that it started making me uncomfortable. While the human at the desk didn’t even register me. I bet he was playing solitaire.
I entered the common room. People ambled, walked, teetered, and even ran around, from door to door and table to table. Seating was plentiful, but there weren’t any free spots, because the place was so packed. There really were a lot of them. Refugees, I mean. This was only a tiny fraction too.
How many more? Is there an end to it?
I searched for someone to approach, but found nothing. Everyone was grieving. I didn’t want to interrupt. I didn’t want to see it, I didn’t want to know it was there. My stomach turned in a horrible spiral, and I soon found myself bent over a toilet, ejecting breakfast. I was drooling over the bowl like a rabid dog, eyes watering and legs quaking. My diaphragm expelled one last gust of air, in a horrible coughing fit that lasted uncomfortably long.
I don’t know how I found the bathroom without help, it wasn’t marked very well. I’ve always been good at that sort of thing I guess, whatever ‘that sort of thing’ is.
On my way out, I washed my hands twice, not that it made a difference. The common room was still full of chatter and sobbing, quiet and boisterous both in their own right.
A man in a dress shirt sat alone at a table with his head in his hands. A mother cradled a baby in her arms, rocking him to sleep. In the corner of the room sat a group of people sitting on the ground playing monopoly. A boy ate a droopy sandwich next to a parent, munching listlessly. They all looked so tired. So tired that it could suck the breath right back out of you.
At one of the tables was a man with burns on his arms, and another bandaging him up. He winced when the bandages touched the splotches where blisters used to be, dry and scabbed. There was a good chance the burns were inflicted on purpose, by them. Monsters.
He locked eyes with me, his empty like all the rest. My head jerked away, embarrassment on my face like dye, the mask doing little to hide my frenzied posture. I power walked to another part of the room, behind a group of people conversing. I took off my coat so I wouldn’t overheat in the stuffy room… and also to blend into the crowd.
Staring at burn victims? What is wrong with you?
I looked down at myself. My boots were brown, my pants were black, and my shirt was as well, with a picture of an album cover on the front. My hands were twitchy, and my arm was still bandaged. I could’ve, should’ve lost the dressings by then, but I hadn’t got around to it. I put my coat back on
Since I wasn’t getting anywhere, I decided to take a trip down the hallways, into the dorms, where it was less crowded.
Down the halls, past a few turns, was an open door, with warm light spilling out, and cheerful discussion taking place inside. Taking a peek, I saw a group of 3 people, one of whom was a venlil, playing cards. The funny thing, is it was one of those grungy decks with pictures of naked ladies on them. Well, I don’t know if it was funny, but it stuck with me.
“Hello?” Spoke the venlil.
The other heads turned in my direction. I was discovered. A pang of cold crawled through my spine.
“O-oh, hi.” I tried and failed to act like I hadn’t been watching them for several seconds.
“Hey there, are you one of the new arrivals?” Asked the girl sitting next to the venlil.
“Uh, no, I’ve just been living in a different spot.”
“No wonder you look like shit.” Spoke a middle aged guy with scars. There was an ankle monitor on his leg, though I certainly wasn’t going to question him about it.
“Ben! Don’t be rude.” The girl replied.
“I’m not being rude. We all look like shit. Some of us are shit right now.” Ben mumbled.
“Well you don’t have to be so nihilistic about it.” She turned back to me. “Wanna join us? We could use a fourth.”
“No thanks. I’m trying to get in touch with my family.”
"Well if they’re here, I can find them. I know everyone here.” Said the girl, with a big grin.
"They’re on Earth. I just need to use someone’s datapad. The guy at the desk said we were out of new ones.”
“Did you break yours?”
A nervous laugh escaped me. It felt so weird to have a normal conversation. The last time I talked to a human was only a few days ago, but it felt much longer. Years maybe… or not. My shoulders felt tight, probably from the extra weight. I swallowed a lump that had been growing in my throat since leaving Earth, and my stomach got heavier as a result.
What did she lose?
I cleared my throat. “N-no, I never got one in the first place.”
“Well, no worries. You can use mine if you want. I’m Taylor by the way.” She smiled.
I didn’t smile back. The mask would’ve hidden it anyway. “Thanks. I’m Arlene.”
She handed me the weird alien phone, which I soon realized I didn’t know how to use.
The venlil piped up. “Want me to do it for you?” He stood up.
“Yes please.” I handed him the datapad.
He started tapping away at the device. “These things are super outdated. The interface is really clunky, especially the UN comms.”
I loomed over his shoulder, watching him type in a bunch of stuff into text boxes. “You have to login to make calls?”
“No, this is just the path the call will be taking. Where are you calling?”
“Wisconsin.”
“Where is that?”
“North America.”
*“*Okay, there we go.” He handed the datapad back to me. “Just type in the phone number and you’re good to go.”
“Thanks.” I started punching in the number.
“No problem. I’ve had to do it for Taylor a million times by now.” He chuckled.
“Hey, I know how to do it now!” She replied.
“Then why didn’t you show her how?”
Taylor snorted. “Because then you wouldn’t be useful anymore, and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”
“Whatever you say.” He flicked his tail.
“Hey, enough with the snarky tail language.” She crossed her arms.
“What did he say?” Ben asked.
“He said I was a goober.”
I looked up from the datapad. “You have a tail sign for ‘goober’?”
“Of course we do, why wouldn’t we?” He shrugged.
Ben raised his eyebrows, and Taylor laughed. I was still wearing the mask.
"Hey, do you mind if I uh… you know.” I pointed to my face.
“Oh please, you couldn’t possibly be uglier than Taylor.”
“You better be careful Talnek. You’d get a beating if you insulted a lady where I come from.” Ben stated.
Taylor punched Ben in the shoulder. “He’s just messing!”
I removed the mask, and set it down on a table. “Is it alright if I make the call outside?”
“Sure, as long as you don’t manage to brick the thing.” Talnek said, sitting back down at his cards with a snicker.
Taylor shot him a dirty look.
“Thanks again Taylor.”
She grinned like a little kid. “No prob bob!”
I stepped into the hallway, holding the datapad up to my face, and pressed the call button.
It rang.
And rang.
And rang…
Until the display lit up with the face of my dad. My lips curled up in a smile.
“Hey dad.”
“Ope!” He flinched, then grinned. “Hey there sweetie. Havin’ fun up in space?”
“Nevermind that! Are you guys okay? Did Luke make it back alright?”
“Oh we’re doing fine yet. Luke got discharged because of injuries. He got pretty banged up in a crash, but he’s alright.”
“Is mom around?”
"Sorry kiddo, she’s out of town getting gas for the generators.”
My eyes widened. “Generators? Is the power out? Have you been able to get dialysis?”
He rolled his eyes. “Oh don’t worry yourself. We’ve got diesel running the place.”
My hands left marks of sweat on the device. “You are getting your blood cleaned, right?”
“Yes, I am. Even if I wasn’t, your pa’s still got some fight left in ‘em.” He patted his bicep.
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “Jesus dad, you had me worried for a second there.”
He chuckled. “Don’t be. Try to have fun up there. No use worrying about somewhere you’re not.”
A sigh escaped me. “I’ll try.”
“That’s my girl! How are the aliens treating ya?”
I frowned. “Well, if I’m being honest, most of them are assholes.”
“That so?”
“Yeah, I mean, I’ve met a few that don’t mind me, but I can count them on one hand.”
“Well that’s better than nothing, ain’t it?” He raised an eyebrow in a joking manner.
I smiled a little. “I guess so.”
“So, tell me about these nice aliens then.”
“Sure- Hold on, is Luke there?”
“He’s sleeping right now. Doctor’s got him on the good stuff.”
“Is it that bad?”
He shouldn’t have enlisted. Asshole. He’s such an idiot. He could have died! “I wanna meet aliens” my ass.
*“*The doc says he’ll be up and at em in a few days, but the pain is still kicking him.”
*“*Is he alright? Like, is he shellshocked?”
Dad frowned. “I was hoping you wouldn’t ask.” He looked past the camera. “He’s pretty bitter about the whole thing.”
My blood ran cold. I knew what it sounded like when he was downplaying something. “Dad. Is he gonna be okay?”
His expression softened. “Luke’s a strong boy. He’ll be okay.”
“He better. I’ll kill him if he’s not. You be sure to tell him that.”
Dad laughed. “Sure, sure. Back to the aliens, if you will.”
“My bad.” Warmth filled my face. “So there’s this guy who lives in my apartment building, right? I come back home after a day of trying, and failing, to get my hands on any materials, craft materials are super expensive here for some reason, by the way, and he’s coming home at the same time, so I say hi to him, and he jumps me!”
Maybe things would get better.
“Their claws are sharp! He scratched me up pretty bad, look.” I raised my arm to the camera, and my dad gasped in response.
"Whoa, that’s a lot of bandages.”
“Yeah, right? I may have put too much actually. Anyway, he charges me, and so I put him in a headlock, and I yell at him to calm down. It might have been a misplay on my part, I have to admit. What, with the venlil thinking we want to eat them and all that jazz.”
Dad nodded, eyes full of stars. This was nice.
“Well, he starts crying, and now I felt like an ass, so I try to calm him down, but he’s not having any of it. So I hand him a doll I made, but that didn’t do much either, so I ended up just having to leave him there. Would you believe it if I told you he came knocking on my door the next day? He wanted to learn felting!”
He burst into laughter, having to wiping a tear from his eye. “I have to say, you have the strangest way of making friends.”
Maybe I was worrying over nothing.
“Oh, I forgot to mention, so, I was trying to get wool, right? But there’s obviously no sheep here on venlil prime.”
“Oh, don’t tell me.”
“So I went around offering free haircuts.”
Dad started wheezing like he had sand in his lungs. He struggled to point a finger at me. “S-so…” He burst into another fit of laughter. “You went around with shears, offering haircuts to the fluffy aliens who think you want to eat them?”
“Yes, that’s exactly right. I give damn good cuts too.” I grinned, face full of mischief.
“So this friend of yours took you up on the offer? What’s his name?”
“Meba. And yes, I sheared him.”
“Okay, Meeh Baah? Are you pulling my leg?”
“Nope, that’s his real name. It means ‘little person’ in venlil, apparently.”
“You’re kidding! That is priceless! What happened then?”
“I sheared him, and then we went inside, and I taught him how to felt, and he got all flabbergasted when he saw me eat vegetables. He did this,” I held up a pointer finger, closing my eyes. “and then he said ‘You can’t eat vegetables, you’re a predator.’”
“Uh huh.”
“So after that, to skip to the good part, he has me follow him to work to *‘*protect him from humans’, and on the way back, just as we’re getting back to the apartments, he collapses in the hallway, hyperventilating and shaking.”
Maybe I could finally calm down.
“Oh no, was he okay?”
“Yeah, I brought him inside and calmed him down, but then the exterminators barged in! He stuffed me into a closet to hide me.”
Dad’s face swelled with disgust. “Ah yes, I’ve heard of them.”
“Well, they mess up the whole apartment, and they only leave because Meba is friends with their boss.”
“He’s buddy buddy with those folks?”
“Well, I don’t really know, but he used his connections to protect me, so I don’t mind. I was scared shitless the whole time. I barely kept myself still.”
“But you’re okay, right? They didn’t hurt you?”
"No, I was fine. I kind of blew up at him though. We made up though, and now he’s even comfortable around me with the mask off!”
“Mask?”
“The UN makes everyone wear masks in public so we don’t scare people.”
“I didn’t know it was that bad.”
“Yeah… it’s kinda scary sometimes.”
Home was still there.
“Don’t worry. I’m sure the rest of em will fall for your charm soon enough.”
“Yeah. After all, who could hate such an enchanting young lady?” I made a not so dignified face.
Dad shot a silly look right back, making us both laugh at our shared stupidity.
“So, since everything’s intact, when should I come home? I should be able to pretty soon.”
He smiled. “Hey, don’t worry about that. You should stay up there until the power comes back in… oh I don’t know, it should be on in a week or two. No reason to come back when the town is still out of whack.”
“What? But I can help out. Isn’t there work to be done?”
His eyes were warm. “Arlene, just have fun. We’ll be fine. Come home when it’s more comfortable.”
What?
“But I miss you guys.”
“I know, I miss you too.” He glanced off to the side for a moment. “But just wait a little longer. I want to roll the red carpet out for you. We’re not going anywhere.”
“Fine, but I expect a royal welcome.”
“Of course.” He grinned. “I better let you go, I have to make dinner.”
“Oh.. okay. I was hoping you’d be able to tell me about what’s going on in town.”
“Nothing crazy, just the usual but with flashlights instead of street lamps. Say hi to Meba for me.”
“Okay. Bye dad.”
“Bye kiddo. Try not to worry yourself so much.”
“I’ll try. I love you,”
“I love you too.”
He hung up the call, and home was gone again.
I popped back into the room to give Taylor her datapad back.
“How’d it go?” She asked.
“Good. I think.” I grabbed my mask, and handed her the device.
She smiled. “I’m glad. Want to stay for a bit? Today is pizza day.”
“I’m good. I should probably head out. Thanks though.”
“Wait a second, here.” Taylor handed me a card.
I turned it over in my fingers. It was off white with gold lettering. A business card. Very… eccentric.
“What’s this?”
“My info, so you can get in touch with me when you get a datapad. I’m kinda the self appointed caretaker of this place. If you need anything, anything at all, I’m your gal.”
I took another look at the card. “Thanks. It means a lot.”
“You’re welcome! See you later.”
“See you.”
---
I sat on the bench by the office, legs crossed, working on a mini venlil, my third one actually. Yes, I was building an army. An army of little venlil that I would use for… something. Each one measured no more than four inches tall, with floppy yarn tails, and bits of blue yarn affixed for eyes.
They say the one who folds a thousand paper cranes will be granted a wish. What do you get for one thousand woolen venlil?
“Arlene?” Meba was walking towards me. His eyes were unfocused, and his tail was motionless, like a doll’s. He dragged his feet on the ground, and his bag weighed on him like a heap of iron. To put it bluntly, he looked like shit.
“Oh hey there. Done with work?”
“Yeah. What are you making?” His voice was monotone.
“More mini venlil.”
He leaned over. “It looks like me.”
“It is made out of your wool. It would be worrying if it didn’t resemble you.”
“I guess. Does this one have a name too?”
“Not yet. Do you have any ideas?”
He thought for a moment, ears swiveling like satellite dishes. “Mulek.”
“Mulek it is. Is that a common name?”
“It was my father’s name.” He didn’t elaborate.
“Oh, speaking of which, my dad says ‘hi’.”
“He’s the… rancher, right?”
“Yeah.” I got up off the bench. “He’s not as scary as he sounds. If you met him, you’d realize his head is just full of muscles and fart jokes. Ready to go?”
He flicked an ear, and we started walking. The sheer complexity of venlil body language never failed to impress me. Not the ear flicks, those were easy, but the tail signals were insane.
“Hey, Meba?”
“Yeah?”
“What’s your job?”
“I’m a computer scientist. Why do you ask?”
“You look really tired. Six hours, sorry, I mean a claw and a half. It’s a long shift for venlil right?”
“Yes, but my job isn’t very physically demanding.”
“It isn’t taking a toll on you?”
“No.” He lied. I mean fuck, did he think I was stupid? I wasn’t, I think. If it wasn’t his job, it was something else.
“Really?”
“Yes, I just didn’t sleep well.” His eyes were drooping in real time.
Fine, be like that. If you won’t open up, I’ll just help another way.
“Do you want me to carry you?”
Meba stopped in his tracks. “C-carry me?”
“You aren’t very heavy. I could give you a piggyback ride the rest of the way.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“C’mon, I could use the exercise.” I crouched down, beckoning him over with my hands.
"Arlene, I can walk on my own.” He sounded offended.
"At least let me carry your bag.”
Meba sighed. “Fine.”
I stood up and grabbed his bag. “And away we go!”
We arrived at the station, just in time to catch the tube. Meba yanked his bag out of my arms to swipe his card through the terminal. This particular transport was packed to the brim with people, more than a few of them human. Meba visibly stiffened. He sat down, I remained standing.
“You okay?”
“Y-yeah. It’s just a-a lot.” He most definitely wasn’t, he was trembling like a leaf.
I stood between him and the crowd. “Better?”
“A l-little… thanks.”
“Hey, why don’t you work on the scarf, take your mind of things?”
“S-sure.” He grabbed the yarn ball from his bag, along with the crochet hook. Slowly, he removed the clip that was stopping it from unraveling, and stuck the hook through, starting right where he left off. He was definitely getting faster.
The tube rattled.
Outside, the city still breathed.
Kids coming home form school, people like us, coming home from work.
Same old same old.
In my mind, I pictured a fleet, swooping through star systems, making daring maneuvers, shooting down other vessels. So many lights. I imagined the metal stretching, and the hull creaking as it moved. I imagined the little people inside, scurrying around like ants, each wholly insignificant, but still, moving that massive shape.
I turned around to check on Meba.
He was still shaking, like a wet dog in the snow.
God, I miss Milo. Too bad they don’t let dogs on venlil prime.
I put a hand on his shoulder. “Are you gonna be alright?”
He looked up at me, with his funny little eyes. They were full of anger.
“Yes. There’s nothing to be afraid of.” He let out a breath, clenching his jaw. “It’s so s-stupid it makes me sick.”
“Sorry?”
“There’s no t-threat. I shouldn’t be scared.”
I gave him a gentle shake. “Hey, it’s no big deal. You’re doing well.”
“I’m doing h-horrible. I hate these stupid instincts.” He growled. “H-how is this supposed to be an evolutionary advantage? I can b-barely think straight.”
“Take a deep breath.”
“B-brahk this.” He muttered. “You k-know, we’re famous for being w-weak. The b-best in the whole brahking f-federation.”
I frowned. “Don’t say that.”
“We c-can’t run, and w-we can’t fight.”
“That’s not true and you know it.”
“I can’t even c-control myself. I h-hate it.” He let the scarf slide back into his bag.
“Meba, you’re the bravest venlil I’ve met.”
“What d-does that say about us? That I’m one of t-the ‘brave ones’? It’s brahking p-pathetic.”
“Don’t say that about yourself.”
“Brahk! What else am I supposed to say?” He hissed, head finding its way into his paws. “It’s horrible. Horrible, horrible, h-horrible.”
I sat down next to him, and put my arm around his shoulder.
“This is s-so stupid.” He muttered.
“Tell me what happened?”
“No.”
A sigh escaped me. This was exhausting. “Okay.” I pulled him close.
He removed his paws from his face to look at me. “How am I gonna t-talk to Gram’s friend like this? I can’t even h-handle being around a few random humans. How am I going to deal with him e-eating in front of me?”
“You saw me eating, didn’t you?”
“That’s… d-different.”
“We don’t have to go if it makes you uncomfortable. I’m sure they’ll understand.”
“N-no. I need to d-do this. I can’t keep b-being scared all the t-time.” He clutched at his fur.
I bent over to grab the work-in-progress scarf from his bag, and offered him the half finished garment.
Meba received the scarf, with eyes full of ash. “Thanks…” He continued weaving.
But before he could get into a groove, the brakes forced us to brace ourselves. We were home.
The ground still rumbled as we left the station, even with the rubbery pavement dampening the vibrations. The scent of rain was in the air, carrying with it a special tint from the alien soil. Wind was billowing now, whipping my hair and pushing against my thick greatcoat. Meba was somehow unbothered by this, thanks to his wool I assume. There weren’t clouds overhead, but that would change. My hands hid in their pockets.
‘Twas too cold madam!’ Said lefty.
‘Not for I! It’s simply more comfortable in here.’ Said righty.
We passed the yard, heading up to the second floor, and my apartment. I shivered.
*“*I think it’s gonna rain soon.”
*“*Huh? Why do you say that?”
*“*It smells like rain.”
He tilted his head, ears flopping along with it. “I thought human noses weren’t very strong?”
*“*Well, not for most things, but we can smell when it rains from quite a ways away.” I opened the door, and stepped inside, yanking my feet out of their shells. “Come on in.”
Meba followed with no hesitation, even when I deposited the mask on the coffee table. He plopped down on the couch, deflating for a few seconds before digging around in his bag for the scarf. I grabbed some snacks from the kitchen, and brought them to the couch. I plopped down beside him, and flipped the TV to a random channel. Hopefully lazing about would help both of us.
After a few minutes of zoning out to The Exterminators of all things, I managed to doze off somehow. Sights and sounds melded into goop, as my brain ceased exact function. Facts became obscured, no concrete understanding remaining. Static resonating with time stretching like putty, everything subjective, only in the moment.
A tower, in the desert, numbly stalking around crumbling balconies, arms like swarms, legs like chicken wire. No need to blink. Down below is something terrible, but it doesn’t matter. It is safe here. But snow falls, the sky tearing like an old t-shirt, is it? The weave becoming tighter, it stretches along the north, through to the south, a taut little line of cotton. Now I’m tearing too. The tower isn’t crumbling, but folding. ‘Here’s the sun’, I think, mind reeling back to wakefulness, a snout by my face. Milo?
“Who?”
“Huh?” I tried to sit up, bringing a hand to the kink in my neck. My mouth was dry with viscus saliva, the aftermath of a nap. When I made it about half way up, my skull collided with Meba’s freakishly solid face.
I fell back, gripping my forehead with a groan.
Meba jumped back, startled. “A-are you okay?”
"Ugh…” I curled up into a ball to further cradle the lump growing on my head. “Owwie…”
He started hyperventilating, almost jogging in place.
I grabbed him by the arm. “I’m fine. That just hurt like hell. What is it?”
The squirming stopped. “Sorry for waking you up. I just wanted to know if you think this is long enough.” He held up the scarf to my face, which was still partially covered by my other hand.
Jeez, more than enough. That thing must be at least 80 inches. How long have I been out?
“Yeah, need me to help you finish it off?”
“Yes please.”