Moms in thongs

So I pretty much have the BIGGEST panty fetish & have ever since I was a kid,in the 5th grade I stole a few pairs from my boy’s mom dresser literally right in front of him while we were sitting watching tv (i remember like it was yesterday) she always reminded me of Jennifer Lopez super smoking hot. Fast fwd to now I’m dating a girl and at the moment,it’s just her and her(super fine) mom living together (she’s Latina about late 40s & smoking hot,petite) and when the mom is at work sometimes my girl will leave me alone at the house while she also goes to work & MAN!! when i tell you i feel like a kid at the candy store. I go in her mom’s room into her drawers and i get a rush I simply cannot put into words,so many sexy panties in all varieties. Lace,cotton,satin you name it she has it. Thongs,gstrings boy shorts. It turns me on so much like nothing else. I get her panties take all my clothes off and just lay in her bad completely nude and just rub her panties all over my body & stroke trying EXTREMELY hard not to buss in her bed even tho it’s Been plenty times I just wanted to say F it & do it but I know it would be so much cm everywhere that it would be no way in hell for me to clean it, plus her sheets are white. I love her mom so much I wish I could be with her.

You have fewer collective brain cells than I thought when you can't recognize the damage you've done. You've done nothing but exploit the storyline of the adoption, and haven't given a thought to how that impacted Carly. You've trashed B&T repeatedly over the years and pat yourselves on the back about the "gift" you gave them in the form a child. You mocked their inability to conceive naturally which was beyond cruel. Yet you chose them as parents for Carly. They aren't babysitters, dumbasses. They are her PARENTS. They haven't been babysitting her for 15 years while y'all didn't get your shit together. Show us one effing accomplishment of yours. Something that has stuck. Making bank off of MTV doesn't count. What have either of you done to further yourselves and actually stuck to it?
B&T have been more than fair in the access they allowed you to Carly. Face some harsh facts: Carly probably doesn't want anything to do with you. What teen girl wants to see her mom and grandma getting high on camera, and her dad asking where the roaches are? What teen girl wants to deal with a grandmother she doesn't know being drunk when they visit? What teen girl wants to see her dad in a red thong with his junk against the kitchen counter?
Oh, I know the answer! NONE.

TW also for self harm and I guess existential thoughts, depression.
So this culminated to a point for me last year during my birthday in the fall(won't specify, not sure if she uses reddit). I'll give a simple current event summary and then relay past events leading up(me is me, CS(31f): crap sister, LS(26) little sister, ES(36): eldest sister(only here sometimes, as she moved out shortly after her 18th, and then back and forth after tha), Mom(58): mom. SO(same age): ex-partner from junior year HS till age 24. I am trans male, but due to happening after most of these events, that doesn't really have any merit to this story, other than small details, like clothing)
I(28m) decided after not hearing anything on my birthday, and nothing before that since helping her get money for moving state after a divorce(an investing app offered her 1000 if so many people used her link to invest a free 5 dollar gift), to stop all contact and remove my sister from my social media accounts.
When we were kids, CS was the worst. Ever since I could remember, she showed a huge dislike for me. I don't haveamy good memories of her, and the ones I do, are followed, or closely accompanied by a bad memory. I don't have a lot of examples, since the good wasn't really that significant anyway(think, gifting me a stuffed animal when I was in the he hospital for abdominal pains at 8 or 9 years of age, then, after finding that it was a relatively minor issue that happened to cause a huge discomfort. I was told to drink plenty of water, and for my mom to give me a kids Tylenol if needed. She then snatched it back the next day and while I don't remember the exact words, made it clear that I only deserved it if I was really injured, and had wasted time). This was kind of a small(but very impactful) issue that still sticks with me today. I have to convince myself to go to he doctor to have certain issues checked. I recently only went because the numbness in my hands was getting worse, and I was told I had clear symptoms of carpal tunnel(I work in a kitchen, heavy lifting and fine hand movements are often). I also have a ganglean cyst, that has spawned a secondary cyst, in my left wrist, but that's another story.
She always put me down any time I did anything. Even looking at her the wrong way was infuriating to her(I didn't know what she was talking about until just a few years back, but I am diagnosed ADHD and suspected on the autism spectrum. I live on my own and have had a relatively independent life since I could physically and legally do so, just small aspects need extra attention). I'd ask her what she meant, and she'd yell at me. I wasn't rude either. CS:stop looking like that! Me trying to make my face more..plain?: like what? I'm sorry CS: stop it!, you know what you're doing! And you're doing it on purpose. Me: I'm sorry! I really don't know how I'm looking at you, I don't know what you want(I'm crying at this point) CS, getting up to hit me, like always: you KNOW what You're doing, Now stop it!
At that point, my mom had come in and yelled at my sister to calm down(I don't remember what all was said, I was maybe 6 or 7 and don't have the best time remembering the days with her) and that if she didn't like that way I looked, she could go.
Note about my mom, she had left my abusive father and moved several states when I was less than 4, my baby sister not even a year. He tried getting the legal system to bring her back, as the state they had lived in had always done. They told him that it didn't work that way, and they were legally separated. He was told to pay child support(guess how that went) and go to monitored visitation with us. That only happened a few times, and I only remember 2 of them. One visit, there was a person, I don't even recall the face, across the table, coloring and just doing art stuff. The second memory I have is us(me, CS, and LS. ES had a different dad who was not in the picture, and did not want to be. She stayed home). We played with toys in the waiting room for what seemed like forever, the sky was dark when we left. We never went to those meetings again(my dad apparently had told the caseworkers that if my mom wasn't required to meet with him as well, he wasn't interested in the he meetings). Since then, she has been a single mother, working as much as she could while still trying to balance raising us. I don't blame her for not being there, but I am a little disappointed that she never really admonished them, but merely, to this day, says that they may have been horrible then in the circumstances, but they still loved me.
Cue to elementary school, CS used to terrorize me, steal things I owned, destroyed things of mine. She was pretty stuck up and snobby to all of us, but it seemed to be targeted at me(her and ES did fight, instigation from both sides, and eventually made up some years later, but ES could and did fight back. When she could and was home. She worked too, and had a life later in high school, so that was understandable on her part, kind of) I, being younger, and, I guess, a little blind to some social and reactive cues at the time(I discovered I stare blankly while I listen to people. Facial reactions were too hard to focus on without losing attention to what was being said, if that makes sense). Any friends I had soon heard about the way she treated me, and the things she would accuse me of(not bathing, stealing, or just over embellishing embarrassing things about me to make people dislike me. Calling me fat, stupid, weird, etc). One of the only friends I had was a homeschooled girl. But I only got to see her on the weekends. Because my mom worked and ES had extracurriculars and later work(she is about 7.5 years older than me) we were watched by CS, and she didn't want to do the slightest bit of work doing so, which, flipped if it worked in or out of my favor often. Sometimes she'd be non-caring, allowing us to go to a neighborhood friend, so she wouldn't have to watch us. After having to come get us a few times, that stopped. One of the more traumatic times was when she decided to rig our doorknob(so that instead of a lock you flipped, it was a push knob, you push the knob into the door, turn the knob, and release. It's a non key locking system. I'm not sure if they are normally sold that way or if something happened, but it was installed backwards, so that you could lock someone inside of the room. Can you guess what happened? I was locked inside of my own bedroom, no food, no water, not even a bathroom break, during almost the entire 9 hours(mom worked 8 and commute) on a Saturday. I can't remember if LS was in there with me, but it's possible she was young enough to not even know what was going on, if she was in there. She's about 2 years younger than me, and this was when I was around 6/7. I was absolutely terrified. I cried, I screamed, I banged on the door. I begged to be let out for at least the restroom, which she refused, likely because I'd try to run and hide(the smart thing, duh). So there I was, freaking out that I had been locked in a room and cut off from all necessities. I don't stop crying until my mom came home, who, upon hearing the screaming, tore into CS about how wrong it was and what if we needed the bathroom or water, or even food. I don't remember her response(I probably don't want to) but my mom just glared angrily at CS as she left downstairs to her room. Mom made sure I got water, food, and restroom. I didn't mess up my room, that itself also created issues that I'll lay out later.
There are so many(too many) horrific memories from that time. It was hard all the time. I was insulted, isolated from my other siblings, and eve. Physically hurt. I'm not sure if the physical pain was worse though. I tended to forgive people very easily, and constantly, even into my early adulthood, tried my best to make her think better of me. She would steal clothes from me(cut them up to "fit her better". I was chunky, more medical than anything else, so with alterations, yes, they'd fit her. Like they'd fit an escort. Yes it's mean, but she's literally cut the pant legs off of jeans so that it was literally a jean thong. I only realized how terrible that was later on my teen years when fashion set in more within your social groups. And when they eventually didn't fit her(hah) she'd just throw them out and say they were a waste and wouldn't look good on me anyway. My mom told CS at the thrift store that she had to find outfits for me before finding herself some, and she would often try to just grab the first thing(usually ugly and wrong size) she could and the try to shop for herself(she was greedy with money. If CS found out a gift or piece of clothing one of us got cost more, she'd throw a fit and destroy our things. My mom once bought herself a vintage star Trek the original series collection, and because she didn't spend her tax return on CDs for CS, CS scratched up a bunch of the discs. My mom never even got to watch them before that. Some still played, but it felt like a loss). Mom didn't like that and said she had to help me find suitable clothes I liked. CS didn't like it, but obliged.
One of the larger things she did, when a 12/13 year old(I was 10) is she broke into an abandoned foreclosed house with a grown man, and stayed there for several days, or maybe a week or 2 . She ran from home often, blaming our mom for her issues was the norm for her. Everything was moms fault. Might've been her fault, though, was what happened next. My mom didn't want to call the cops on my sister, but knew confronting her alone and with an unknown man would be dangerous. So, probably against her better judgement, she handed me the phone(she worked at a cellular call center, in the early stages(2000's) of cell phones. She got them from the company for free, periodically). I called 911, per our mom's wishes. Explained my sister had broken into a house with a man and had been staying there. Once they heard that she was a minor, they didn't take long to get there. We sat up the road, in the car, watching it happen. Mom cried the entire time, but would not move from that spot until she saw that the cops had successfully taken her into custody. I just stared while it happened.
I know I shouldn't have had to make that call, but, due to being left alone all the time to my own devices, I had become quiet and usually kept my words and feelings to myself, and therefore seemed the most "emotionally stable" to handle it. Being put into that kind of spot was already happening with other issues, but they aren't relevant.
Over the years, more things happened that made me just want to be alone. LS even stopped being a target and was the precious baby sister (no issue with that in itself, but CS further alienated me from LS and I would once again be left alone. Being told I wasnt worth the time and that no one likes me, and if they did, it was because they pitied me, was an often occurance. My mom tried to stop it where she could but she had been met by the wrath of my sister(and before that, my father) for so long, she didn't want my sister to cause an issue that got us taken away from her. (We had been taken for some months due to some CPS workers believing my fathers lies about her being unstable and immoral. Given back due to no evidence, but with a struggle.) She didn't want to risk that again, so instead tried to keep the peace where she could. She had no family help, and was raising us all by herself. CS got physical, with even my mom, and it scared her. Out house was broken into numerous times by her ex boyfriends, ex friends, and people from..."groups" she used to hang out with. ES was also to the point of just not talking to CS or coming around that much anymore(after she moved out at 17. She also couldn't stand to be around CS)
An emergency later on with ES got her and CS bonding and acting like siblings that had a spat, and around that time is when LS was starting to get CS's attention. (I don't blame LS at all. It's not really her fault we never got to bond like siblings and even now don't know how to talk to one another freely). I still received the brunt of CS's wrath. She'd be nice, like offering some soda she bought, or some snacks, and then be a total b itch, sometimes going off and accusing me of stealing something.
CS: my chapstick is missing! Where is it? Me(roughly 8/9): why would I know? CS: don't talk back to me, I KNOW you stole it. now, where is it. Me, mumbling because I know what's going to happen:I don't know... CS: WHAT Me, wanting her to leave me alone: I DONT KNOW. CS: shut up, yes you do, I know you took it, now where is it??
At this point, I am crying and she has already hit me in he head and face a few times. After my refusing to answer, she just screamed and left me there, confused and wondering if I did take it.
She found it later. Never said a word or offered apology. This was a regular accurance all the way up until she moved out for the first time at 14. I learned to not use the phrase " I don't know" as often as I could because to her, it meant I wanted to hide something, because I obviously should know, and was choosing not to tell her and lie. It still happened, and yes, I got beat for it. We even moved school districts when I was 11(not related to the incidents) and I didn't want to make friends because I hated that they would eventually know her. It was rough to say the least.
A few years later, after CS moving in and out of home with boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend, starting at 14, I only had to deal with her while she was home, either between moving stints, or whenever she wanted to drop by and take things, like food or stuff she left with us. Sometimes she just took things. Mom was happy to see her come at all, so we dealt with it. While I heavily disliked the way she had treated me until then, I still wanted her to like me. So when she was home, I tried. When she lived with us for a few months at the age of 16/17, ES, now in her early 20s, living on her own, bought me and LS a laptop. It wasn't the best, but it was a laptop. Well, as you can guess, CS wanted to be able to use it too. Mom said we should because it was the nice thing to do and it would calm things down. So I made her a profile of her own. Not good enough. She wanted access to the main account, the one me and LS used. Now I wasnt into anything nefarious at the time, like p**n or anything, but I just don't want to give in to her being crazy and hovering. She looked for anything to yell at me for. She never once asked or yelled at LS for the password, even though LS knew it. It was my fault.
Next time I got the laptop back, the charger cord had some extra pieces stuck to it that I later found to be part of the internal charger port. She had literally ruined not only the charger, but the charging port in the laptop itself. Rendering it absolutely useless. Replacing that small part required the whole charger port to be replaced, and connections to be restored inside the laptop itself. So, it was a loss. No one seemed to ever be as mad as I was that this kept happening. Call me petty, but I held those memories as the deepest grudge, I still do. I kept pushing it down whenever she wanted to be nice to me, which in hindsight ended up being her needing something from me, sometimes even my company, because she couldn't keep authentic friends around. She got me stoned for the first time when I was 8 or 9 at one of her boyfriend's houses, and then gave me my first drink around the same age. Both with my mom not present. I was a child so when she told me not to tell in exchange for snacks and such, I obliged. I just wanted her to like me.
2 moments really stick out in the high school days before she left for several years to play wife to yet another guy. 1.The first was when we were actually hanging out in the kitchen of the family apartment, CS and ES were drinking and just catching up, while I was just by the kitchen drinking water. CS got pretty tipsy and, while walking into the kitchen, slipped and fell. She wasn't hurt or anything, it was just a small thing, and she ended up gigging and everyone laughed, like it was one of those fun family moments, y'know. Like in the shows. Well she looks and sees me laughing too, like literally everyone else. This is particular makes her mad and she gets right up and strides towards me. My mom yelled her name but before anything could happen, CS punched me right in the jaw. Only this time, I didn't fall, much less move more than an inch or 2. I already knew it was coming the moment she locked eyes with me. I stood my ground and just stared at her. I couldn't believe it. Even though I prepared for it, I still couldn't believe it. Everyone else has started laughing first. She had been gone for years. She herself thought it was funny. But seeing me, have fun at her expense, no matter how minuscule? No. Not happening. My mom asked her why she did it. She only looked at me, my face not even sad, just flat, like I felt nothing and hadn't been hit. But I didn't feel "nothing". I felt rage. Rage that, even at 14 and 15, even if others had joined, I was her target. She scoffed when family questioned her and stormed off. Nothing changed.

1. After that, I had issues with friends, yet again, because she was home. I, 16 at the time, tried to stay the night at a friend's house, but instead of getting input from my mom, I got CS. She demanded that I clean my "pig-sty" of a room. I shared a room with LS, and a lot of the things complained of, weren't mine. And even if I cleaned, the ADHD made it messy as I easily lost things and would flip my room in a panic. Regardless, I asked if I could talk to mom. Mom hesitated, but as well said no, likely because CS was there and my mom is, admittedly a pushover and a bit naive when it comes to them. CS was screaming at me on the phone, and my friend's mom heard it, and took the phone and asked for them(my mother, NOT my sister) to talk. After this, I told them my sister had issues and was a bad person(info with extra details omitted, but it's legal issues), and to not pay attention to the insults. Well friend's mom thought she should talk it over with my mom and I told her it's fine just discuss staying over, I'm not keen on going home.

My mom came after some minutes(we lived down the street), with, ugh, CS with her. I asked why she was there and her response was to make sure I "wasn't spreading sh it about her to gain sympathy". My mom went inside to talk to friend's mom and the big hit came. -Some background. I was depressed. Of course, with a sibling destroying any chance of normal social interaction and losing material items and even money, I wondered, from an early age, why. I didn't try to take my life up to that point, and anything I did was cuts, scratching, and punching. I did anything to control what I was feeling. I felt so many emotions, and some that I didnt know how to explain, some of which had followed me since childhood, that I couldn't get a hold of. So I turned to pain, something I could thoroughly control. It had been going on since I was around 12 in middle school, found out by my mom at 14/15, and I was actively in therapy(after arguing with ES and my mom that I needed therapy, and being told i was selfish). I was still 15 at the time. -Back to it. While my mother and my friend's mom were chatting, CS and I were arguing. I just wanted her to leave me alone, and told her so. The apartment walls werent the best, so CS overheard the things I had said about CS. None were lies, I just wanted someone to know. Deep down I still wanted her affection, but I wanted SOMEONE to hold her accountable at least. But it didn't end there. In the hallway, after hearing the main convo between the mothers, and hearing mine tell friend's mom that I fluffed up the issue because we dont get along, sibling rivalry(the usual excuse):
CS:I don't know why you have to blab so much, no one needs to know. Me: it's the truth. CS it doesn't matter. You don't even want to be here. If you're going to cut yourself, at least do it the right way.
I stopped talking and looked down after that. She smiled and continued waiting for our mom, while on her phone, probably the 4th one that year(she broke them often). It hurt. But hearing it didn't hurt as realizing that I felt it all the time. A grief from early childhood, that I didn't know the origin of, came back. I grieved myself. I still didn't know it then, I was just sad and numb. I thought death was the easy way out. Surely I didn't deserve the easy way. I continues the injuries, hiding them better and refusing to tell my therapist after a separate incident with my mom. Mom even stopped coming to the group therapy, and they told me it was specifically to help parents support their troubled kids, and if my mom wasn't showing up, I could no longer attend the group sessions. We would still have 1 on 1. But it made me feel even worse. Everyone in that group probably knew why I wanted there after 2 times with my mom absent. But I digress. After hearing my sister say that, I guess I became more serious about leaving everything and hoping for a better shot next time, if there was one.
Some months later, still 15 and in school I decided to try what I had heard: alcohol with a high number of any kind of pain pill. I took about 14-16(I don't quite remember, I just kept taking 2 at a time and quit counting at 12, just kept taking) of extra strength Tylenol. Took a shot or 2(or 4, I just did what I thought might be enough while not giving myself away) from ES bottle(she had moved home due to her living situation falling through), and went to school, hoping for the best(worst) I did get a little scared when I suddenly felt a spike in my heart rate, sweat, and a cold sweep through my body. This lasted several minutes, and I happened to be sitting at my desk in class, already having finished the assignment, so laying down on the desk looked normal. I waited and waited. The feeling got worse and worse, and painful, in my stomach and my chest. After a few grueling minutes of hoping it would happen, it didn't. While some residual pain remained in my abdomen, the other symptoms had calmed down. To say i was disappointed was a huge understatement. I went through the classes, saying nothing about having almost released myself from the harsh grip of empty reality. There wouldn't have been a point. I'd have been yelled at by my family for being selfish and wanting attention, just like when they had discovered my injuries and when I had asked for therapy. I was already threatened with being put into a mental ward for teens. Saying something and failing warranted worse consequences than not telling and succeding. So I kept silent and suffered. I decided that putting myself out wouldn't happen, and I would just deal.
I moved in with someone I was dating and their family just a few months after my 18th birthday(9 mo together). I hadn't even graduated yet, just finished credits early. CS had already moved out before that, but I just didn't want to be there any longer. I felt unsupported and pushed aside. Not to get into details, because it's not my story, but when LS was going through something(after I moved out), they dropped it all to help her and take her to therapy. Again, I don't blame LS. I may not like the way she handled her situation afterwards, but it happened nonetheless, and she was pampered by that demon and cared for by everyone else as the baby, so I've never had huge issues with her, but my family's reaction to her vs me was starkly different. Especially after being told several times by CS, ES and hinted at by my mom that I was always a little difficult, but not in a purposeful kind of way. Yet while I was "difficult" I was still thought to be relatively low maintenance due to the fact that I shyed away and prefered to do my own thing, alone. I mean, wouldn't you if you felt, no, if you knew, that certain family members just hated you, and others regarded you as difficult? When you just wanted love? I know that I wasn't normal like other kids, in that I didn't show clear emotion, or didn't know how to convey my feelings or needs. But I never tried to be an issue. But that's what I had always been told. That I was doing it at my own will, to make CS angry. I'm not even sure what about me always put CS off, but it weighed down for a while.
As an adult(18-20), it was better. Communication, but with less physical meetings, proved to at least be better for us. CS eventually started talking to me and my at-the-time SO, inviting us out. I think she needed company, because the man she chose to marry had all but cut out all male people from her life(don't feel bad, she did the same with his female friends)and her female friends were not always good friends, and maybe she knew that, deep down, I still wanted her approval. And boy was she right. We(me and SO, Same age) were always accepting her invitation. My SO had the train of thought that CS was at least trying, and that counted for something. At the time I agreed.
Around age 20, we were heading to Christmas with my family after SO's family celebration(we lived with them at the time, in hindsight a bad idea, totally separate issue). It was snowing and the car I was driving had belonged to SO's parents, so, respectfully, I requested to my SO that we pick up CS and take her to moms apartment(she hadn't moved since we left home, expenses and all). Well, SO was a momma's kid, and while we were getting ready to leave, SO told the parents about the extra trip and asked if that was ok. (At the time I don't think anything, but later on I realized that the mother was a huge control freak with attachment issues and the SO would always back her up in the end, even if there was a good chance we'd win an argument). Looking back, they definitely had an issue with my relationship with my family(mother mainly. Narcissist), but this was CS, and I already had reservations about her anyway. SO's parents said no, sorry. Unfortunately, SO was really dense(yes, I know, shut up) so I couldn't ask them to lie to their mother. I let CS know and was explaining that it wasn't my car and wasn't my idea to "get permission" from the owner(although, as mean on their part as it was, that had to be the case. I had only been given permission to use it for work of whenever me and SO went somewhere together. Yes, very controlling, but not the point). CS wouldn't listen. Instead, went on a tirade of how I was ungrateful and useless and all other insults that just echoed all of the childhood issues.
Story short, she ballooned the story to say that I told her I didn't want to take her and was being rude about it. ES texted me and told me not to come by at all(ES was paying a part of the bills and was an adult on the lease). No one would listen that this was just SO being dumb and, although yes I could've tried harder, it was not my fault. Myother called me that night and I cried, asking why my sister hated me. Why CS hated me. She could only say that sometimes people are angry and it's not our fault. While I appreciated her words, it didn't help. The gift I had for CS went unsent,(robe with her favorite design, Mary Jane) sat in my closet.
I mourned for a while but went on with my life, and that very next summer, I moved me and SO into an apartment. Made a deal with paying the car insurance and the basic gas/oil and regular maintenance costs, in exchange for just being able to drive the vehicle freely, and also I had my license for a year at that point(couldn't get it till 19, with my own cash and borrowing a car at the time), so they felt safer letting me use their car. Fair enough. moving on.
Some time goes by, and CS and ES end up falling out of touch again due to a made up issue(literally a dream where we made fun of her life and loss during her pregnancy. A dream. Mind you, she was also on substances this entire time, literally from the time she was like 11 or 12.) ES started talking to me again, claiming that she knew CS blew it out of proportion and just went along with it. Things go ok.1-2 years later Mom and ES move state. More things happen(kind of irrelevant since CS still isn't involved). Now LS and ES aren't speaking with me and CS comes in saying how she understands. I figured, it's was family, and I needed it. Right? And I was so confused on who to defend and back, my bio family or my SO, that seeing her, even with her sketchy SO, be able to have someone support her when she was put out, even if she was in the wrong and did the putting out, hit the family spot. Against everything, I started hanging out with CS. Up to this point , she hadn't apologized for anything really, but had given gifts, sent invites for holidays, and eve invited me, and sometimes SO over just to hang out(420 is legal in all the states I've lived in, so we had that in common at least). Start to not see CS in such a bright light since she has by that time(I'm 22 at the time) admitted to me that she cheats on her husband, they do hardcore drugs, and he avoids taxes, more stuff but I mainly ignore it cuz, hey, not my life, not my problem. Things go ok.
I leave my ex in 2019 and move out of my state in 2020 and in with family. Yay job closures. Now, this move was probably one of the worst, betraying, infuriating, heartbreaking things that I did as it showed some things about family that I really ignored since I hadn't created an irreversible issue until I lived back with them, as well as bring other heart wrenching events, but that's not important here.
CS now hasn't really sent anything unless it's to ask for help with something, which I do and she pays back, as always. That's not really the bad part. First was about 2 years after I had moved states to be with family. I had been paying ES money for rent, from unemployment(COVID), And had a surgery scheduled for just 3 weeks after the unemployment cut off(I had been looking for jobs but very little luck aside from some MLMs) and ES went ballistic, saying how i was putting them in financial strain(our mom had recently gotten a large tax return from COVID credits, as did she. I did not since I worked during 2019 and 2020. I also got no extra unemployment since it started after the main event. ES ranted to CS that I was a bum and was mooching and spent over a year not paying anything,( even though I had offered ES proof since ES had yelled at me before CS called me). She even posted personal information to insult me online to people I don't know, which is when ES told CS that, while she was mad at the situation, that was crossing a major line. I refused to call CS first, so after a few days, she called me. I laid into her what had been really happening by that point, that I had been paying and I have been doing door dash and donating plasma to continue to pay rent, which I Had talked about to ES. CS was silent during this, and I finally asked why any of the things in childhood happened.
Me: I just want to know why you always bullied me, and beat me up? The things you said?
CS: Well, I want to apologize, but I don't remember a lot of the stuff I did. I was usually high on something. Me: ...Not even telling me to off myself? CS:......-username-, I was a terrible person, and I was on a lot of stuff. I'm sorry that I don't remember.
I don't go farther cuz it's just me explaining everything and that I can't stand that Im always attacked. We hang up with CS telling me that she hopes the best.
Well, things kind of blow up, rent gets unpaid, money is wasted, and I decide to no longer pay and move to my own place. I don't talk to ES. CS chats sometimes, but not too much. After a while of not much texting, around middle of 2022, CS texts. Not exact, but I'll summarize it.
CS: hey, I'm divorcing my husband(I knew, mom told me earlier, didn't say anything) and I'm gonna move to Texas with this guy I've been talking to while married. I'm short on money to move into a place, so could you and mom maybe do this investing app and help out? Me: does it require anything like my credit?(Issues happened prior to this with another person) CS: no you just need to invest their free 5 dollars and keep the account open(I think for either 2 weeks or a month). Me: ok I'll get it started. CS: thank you so much! So how's the new Italian place? Me: it's good, it's called "blah blah blah" CS: ok cool, I'll look it up. Me: Okie dokie. So how's the move coming along
She never responded after that. I ignored it and put it on that she needed to move and focus on packing. I then went to our mom(I took her and her cat with me cuz I'm not monster) and told her the situation. She wanted to ask CS about what to do cuz I had to work in the morning and it was late. Convo:
Me: when you ask CS, ask "hey, -username- said you needed something, I have the app up, what do I do next?" Because this would explain that I told Mom and make CS answer what she wants.
Nope. She just sent "oh did you need any thing for moving, like money or anything?"
CS: hmm? Oh no, we're going to stay with his parents, but thank you for the offer! We'll be ok!
I got upset cuz I feel like I knew something was up. Asking me to help with money for moving to an apartment(she has a car large enough to pack her belongings and she didn't plan to bring furniture). I let it go and deleted the investment account, which continues to try charging me so I had to change banks. Very nice.
Now to this last fall(2023). I moved after that and there was very little interaction. I had been thinking about the relationships in my life and realized that being around CS in particular, or even being mindful of her, was causing mass amounts of resentment and anger in me, making my mental health dive. The lack of remorse and just consistent blaming of substances instead of the choice to do those substances. Claiming she's was a terrible person, but not saying anything about the issues it caused.
I decided that if CS did not even contact me on my birthday(she had skipped it before which isn't too bad, but one year even sent a message 2 months late and when I called her out, she blew it off and just said "oops, I was drunk, my bad".
So this last fall I wait. And nothing, till the end of the day. Honestly I didn't want to wait for excuses or anything. I just felt all of the anger of trying to get her attention and her love, and the desperation that I felt trying to understand why I never deserved it. So I removed her. Not blocked. If there are any emergencies where she would need to contact me(not likely), then it's there. I have a new number, so social media messaging was sufficient. I had done the same with ES.
The very next morning, I had a huge message about how she noticed that I had removed her(this site doesn't notify if someone leaves your friend circle) and about how she felt bad about what happened as kids but that she felt horrible for blocking people out for so long. Then another message telling me that she didn't want to be without her siblings again. Telling me that now, she was going to have a kid in several months, and how it's amazing and she's excited to finally be a mom and I'll be an uncle again(LS has 2 young kids of her own). I opened it and ignored it. She then said she tried reaching out and I left her on read and she hopes I have a good life.
Mentally, I may not be where I want myself to be, and sometimes I feel like I haven't moved forward from being that kid, that just wants to know why. But one step at a time, especially with therapy.
I wanna say I don't feel like the AH, or if I am, that is justified. But I guess there's always going to be a small part of me that wants to have the bonds that I never knew, even if it's too late by now.
So, am I the AH for just stopping contact and connection to someone I feel I just don't have a connection with?
P.s., sorry there's a lot, I honestly didn't mean for it to be this long. Please don't hate my late night grammar

okay on a burner for obvious reasons and im literally crying in my mom's bedroom rn and this is rly weird for me but if anyone is gonna understand it'll be on this sub. im very religious and conservative, got married at 20, every type of cringey Christian stereotype there is.
im visiting fam for mother's day in the small town i grew up. today i went to my aunt's lake house. just to get some sun. my husband was already a little annoyed that i was going (not with me! just in general.) because my cousin (no biological relation, product of divorce) clearly has a crush on me, takes opportunities to hold my hips, brush my ass, etc. it makes me mad too, but i have a higher tolerance for bad behavior in my family than my husband does. i knew my cousin wouldn't be there bc he goes to college about an hour away.
id forgotten a bathing suit, so my aunt told me to borrow one of hers. (side note, compared to me, my aunt is WILD, objectively a milf, boob job, the works)
all she had were thong bikinis. i was soooo uncomfortable with the idea of wearing one. i only wear one pieces. but it was just the two of us and i rly did want some sun so i put it on.
her and i were laying out, having some rosé and a good time but about 20 minutes later i started getting really itchy. idk what it was, i think some kind of allergic reaction, but my top was making me really itchy.
my aunt told me to just take it off. i was shocked and mortified, but it was just the two of us and we were hidden so i obliged and took off my top.
honestly the sun felt so good on my bare boobs, and i fell asleep. idk how long i was out, but i woke up and noticed a nice tan. then i noticed my MALE cousin walking towards me, holding my bikini top! by the time I noticed it was too late, his eyes were glued to my tits. i screamed and covered myself, with my hands.
idk how he got there, i guess he came back to surprise his mom. i feel horrible at this point bc a, someone other than my husband saw my boobs, and b, im really ashamed to say this, but it was a nice day and i don't see my aunt often so i stayed. and i remained topless because my cousin had already seen my boobs so i guess i figured the damage was done. but now i feel like that was just horrible. im sure my cousin was looking at my tits. and i didn't completely put a stop to it.
i haven't told my husband yet because im still processing. he's never seen another girl's boobs and before today, no one else had seen mine either.
am i huge slut? am i a horrible wife?
please help. AITAH?

You promise to respond , Lil fishes in Lil ponds
Lil pawns can bring it on
u Lil angry in Lil thongs
this hip hop not happy songs
clappin back is my response
This mutha fucka fucked on all ya moms
pull out the Tramps damp tampons
Got more Drip then swamped ass lawns
Talkin Wet like sweaty palms
Bet - I pop ya cherry bombs
Leave ya Whipped like twenty Cars
skip ya shitty bars- scared ya'll shit ya drawers
💩

As with all my stories, there has and never will be a season 8. All my stories "Always" pick up from Hollander's Woods. I've fudged their ages a little to fit the narrative.
Kate was browsing on her I-Pad at vacation destinations. She took a sideways glance at her husband next to her, they were both leaning up against the headboard. He was on his computer consumed in his latest story. She put her head against the headboard and closed her eyes for a minute. Eighteen years, they've been married over 18years, with 3 kids all teens. She just turned 52 and Her husband's next birthday would be his 62nd. Kate opened her eyes and looked at him again. His hair was 50% white, and he had to wear glasses for close up writing and reading. She thought he was still the sexiest man alive, and they still went at it like teenagers.
Rick felt his wife staring at him. he mischievously placed his hand on her thigh and started running it up her leg. Kate blurted out, "Oh no you don't lover boy. Not tonight. Do you know that I had to limp into work this morning, from that acrobatic move you put me in last night... Rick, I just don't bend like that anymore!
Her husband chuckled, "I didn't hear you complaining last night".
Kate huffed, "Yeah well it's like when you get drunk, your happy in the moment but there's hell to pay the next day". She hit him in the arm and said, "They were laughing at me at work, at least the women were. I had a couple of them yell out, "Hey Captain what did you and Rick get up to last night." Kate, remembering their last night session smiled and said, "I feel like I've pulled something in my hamstrings. You have to be aware that I'm 52, and I don't bend like I used to.
"Never thought I'd hear that my wife would concede that I was too much man for her", Castle laughed.
"Oh, really mister big shot stud, what about last year when they had to peal you out of the limo. You threw your back out for 3 weeks", Kate smiled at the recollection.
Castle chuckled, "Well it seemed like a good idea at the time, I must have misjudged the dismount".
Kate laughing said, "And then on top of everything they drag you out of the Limo and you've got my underwear in your hands. Then you proceed to put my underwear on your head and started yelling out to everyone that you were the Frito Bandito. I still can't look at Ken (the limo driver) anymore without him looking at me with a big smirk on his face".
"I blame you for that. That Policeman's Benefit Gala you dragged to was boooorrring!... I think I had too much champagne trying to get thru the mind-numbing conversations that were going on. I know you were obligated to go, but my god it was like watching paint dry, but your right honey from now on I'll take your age into account when I pull my special maneuvers". Castle smirked.
She looked at him and smiled, "Shut Up".
They went back to what they were doing. They had always been comfortable in their silence. Being together was all that they needed. Castle noticed his wife was running her hands up and down his arm. After they had gotten engaged years ago, he noticed she was really a big cuddler and toucher, which had surprised him, but since the incident 4 years ago it had gotten much more noticeable. Rick thought back in his head to that day.
4 years ago, Castle and Kate had been in the kitchen. She had a rare day off from work, the kids were in school, so it was just them. When all of a sudden, he had started to clutch his chest. He had yelled out to Kate, and she started calling 911. Kate was in tears as they had wheeled him into the hospital. They had found out that he just had a major panic attack due to high levels of stress. Gina and Paula had swamped him in Book tours, and Book signings, plus were pushing him about his next novel, and it had just been too much.
When they got home Kate had gone into a tirade. "Rick" she yelled, "Give me your phone. I'm taking over management of your dealings with Black Pawn and Paula from now on and I don't want to hear a single argument from you about this", as she pointed a finger at him, "Dammit Rick, your just too nice for your own good, you don't know when to say no. This Fucking stops today, Rick, do you hear me. No More"!
Castle sheepishly had handed his phone over to her and said, "Sorry honey".
"Oh Baby, I'm not mad at you, I just want my husband to not be bullied". She then grabbed his phone and stalked off into his office. He listened in from the outside.
Kate had lit into Gina and Paula from the get-go, "Do you know what? Rick and I just came back from the ER, because we thought he was having a heart attack. It ended up having a massive panic attack, due to the stress he's been under trying to keep up with this fucked up schedule that you've both been trying to ram down his throat. I'm here to tell you that this shit is going to end now. From this point going forward, I will be handling all of Rick's obligations, and let me tell you this, we are going to be cutting waaayyyy back on everything!
Rick had heard his ex-wife Gina start to yell back at Kate, but Kate shut her down right away. "Gina, one more word from you, and Rick and I will start looking at over the dozens of prominent Publishing houses that have offers for him to come over to them. His graphic novels, children's books, serious Literature, and the occasional Nikki Heat books have him at the top of authors in the fucking world. We don't need either of you anymore. Rick continues to be loyal to Black Pawn because they gave him his start, but I don't share that loyalty. Are both of you fucking hearing me? I want my husband with me forever, and I will no longer allow you two to use his kindhearted nature against him anymore. Paula, send me a revised schedule that reflects a much lighter load, Rick and I will go thru them, and then you will get what we think is fair. It will be non-negotiable, you don't like it, then that's fine by us, because I will make both of you, yesterday's news. The days of you using my husband as your personal gravy train are over, and Gina listen to me well, if you try to go behind my back and try to contact Rick on your own, I will fucking bury you... Now, I need to hear that you both understand".
Paula said, "Kate I'm so sorry, I didn't know that Ricky was struggling with the schedule, I always think of him a machine. Tell Ricky I'm sorry, and hope he feels better. I'll get on that new schedule right away"?
Kate barked out "Gina I'm not hearing anything from you". Rick heard silence for what seemed forever, and then he heard his ex-wife yell back, "Fine", and then she hung up.
He remembered Kate running off to their bedroom and finding her in their bed crying. As he got in bed with her and held her tight, she buried her face in his chest and said, "I can't be without you Babe... I Can't... I just Can't." He remembers telling her, trying to get her to smile, "Hey honey nice use of the Senator Bracken quote when you saved his life... I'll fucking bury you... that's a classic!
Kate had chuckled thru a sob, "Well that douchebag was at least good for something".
He then assured her that he was going nowhere, and that they would have their always. After that incident and all the free time that opened due to Kate managing his time, he had got back into the gym and started working out again. He had built up some muscle and had lost 20 pounds. Kate told him how proud she was of him and noticed how she liked to fondle his biceps even more then she usually did.
A couple of months ago she told him that she was putting in her 30 and was going to retire from the force. She told him that she wanted to spend more time with him and the kids. He knew his wife; she was probably thinking that time was slipping away from them and wanted to make their moments count. It's not like that thought hadn't occurred to him too. Castle broke from his reverie, as he heard of in the distance, "Babe, are you even listening to me? Rick...Rick".
He turned to look at his wife, "Sorry honey, I'm sorry, I went off into la la land again".
Kate smiled and said, "So, where did you go this time in that amazing brain of yours? Good thoughts?"
"Honey, when I think of you their always good thoughts." he replied.
"I love you too, you big sap. Anyway, I was thinking about just you and I going on a vacation. For maybe 3 weeks. I've already looked into it, and I think that everything will line up. I called downtown, and 1PP said that Javy could take over as captain while I'm gone, it will give him some experience for when I retire, and he takes over. Alexis and David (her husband of 5 years) said that they were thinking of going to the Hamptons for the summer, so they could watch the boys along with Lanie. You know Lanie, any excuse to stay in the Hamptons with the boys, plus Lilly told me of a summer program starting at Columbia that was promoting classes for advanced kids that want to learn languages especially Russian, and she asked if she could go."
"Will there be boys there, I worry about Flower on her own"? Castle asked.
Kate smiled at him calling his daughter, Flower. He had called his daughter Little Flower since she was a baby. Kate had actually asked Lilly if she wanted her Dad, to stop calling her Flower, and she was taken back, at how panicked her daughter had gotten. Lilly had started to cry, and said, "No, Mom, don't say anything to Daddy, I love that he calls me Flower. He can call me that forever". Kate, had to calm her down and reassure her that she would say nothing.
"Babe, flower will be fine. I'll have Javy run a background check, on everyone involved, but she's going be fine. (Rick still had the occasional nightmare from when Alexis was kidnapped, so she had to walk a fine line when broaching Columbia). "Look Rick she's growing up; she needs to have the reigns loosened a little and see that we can trust her.
Castle turned his head to her, and she saw that he was fighting back tears. "I just need to know that she's safe Kate. I couldn't bear anything happening to her. We'll all sit down and look at the program tomorrow, and I promise if all goes well on the background check that she can go. Okay"?
"Okay Babe, but you need to have an open mind on this. Take it from a someone that knows what it's like to be a teenage girl. You hold the reigns to tight; they start to feel strangled. Remember how you and Alexis went back and forth when you were trying to hold on to tight? If the background check comes out clean you need to let her go.
Castle sighed, and said, "Okay honey she can go, I don't want to hurt her feelings, but it won't make me worry less. I want daily phone calls from her. No exceptions".
Kate knew that Lilly was a Daddy's girl, and that he was very protective of her much like he was of Alexis. Kate always knew he would be an amazing father but watching him over the years had simply amazed her. The kids adored him, he was so attentive and loving, plus his world of imagination captured them from when they were little. Royce, wanted to be a writer since he was 7, and he wrote every chance he got. Castle told him how proud of him he was as he did with all the kids. James, (Royce's twin brother) was more like her, constantly getting into scraps trying to protect other kids from bullies. Kate had already started to work with him on the speed bag, and Rick always told James that he would-be a kickass cop just like his mother. Castle would spin stories of their exploits, making them so spectacular then even though she had lived threw them, she was still riveted in the way he had spun their tales. The kids always gasped at just what their parents had been thru before they were born. Castle and Kate had decided a long time ago that they would try as best they could to never tell them of just how close they had been to death so many times as partners, though Castle told her it was just a matter of time until they find out, considering how much of their exploits had made local and national news, so they always prepared for that day.
Kate still to this day berated herself for those early years when she had pushed him away, she knew how much she had hurt him at times. He had become the light to her darkness, and she realized that every year that she had kept him at arm's length was a year that she could never get back being so helplessly in love with him.
Changing the subject Kate said to Rick, " Rick we need a vacation, I want just you and me to get away, you know I love our kids, but I miss my husband. I need this to happen Babe, I need alone time with you. I want it to just be us. Talk about anything we want, do anything we want, and know that there will be no interruptions".
"Honey", he replied, "You don't have to sell me on this, I'm all in. I even have an idea. Remember the year of our engagement when I told you about a college friend that turned into a billionaire by the age of 30 and bought his own island"?
Kate got excited and said, "Yeah...yeah, I remember saying that we should invite him to the wedding.
"Well, I just happen to know that he doesn't stay there anymore but he rents out the place for friends. It's a beautiful bungalow with all the amenities. They ship in food by boat, every 4 days. You can request scuba gear, jet skis, whatever, and they will be waiting for you when you get there. Plenty of booze to make tropical drinks, and the best part is that you hardly need any clothes, because it's a secluded Island. You can go naked, or bring just your thong, or bikini, but the point is that you can pack light. For emergencies their just 30 minutes away by boat. Just to let you know however, if you just wear your bikini underwear, I will have to confiscate them and turn into the Frito Bandito".
"You'll have to catch me first hot shot... Rick, do you think that you can find out tomorrow, to see if its available"?
"First thing in the morning honey", he winked.
A little while later Kate had fallen silent. Castle looked over at his wife and saw her fisting her hands in the sheets, she did that when she was broaching a subject that she felt insecure about. "What's going on in that gorgeous mind of yours honey".
Kate starred down at the sheets and whispered. "Do you still think I'm beautiful Babe? I was looking in the mirror this morning, and I just felt so ugly, I've got all these stretch marks, bullet scars, knife wounds and I've probably put on 10 pounds of baby fat that I can't get off. I look in the mirror sometimes and think why you still want me sometimes.
Castle put his computer away, and he rolled over to face his wife. 'Katherine Castle, I can't believe what just came out of your mouth", he ran his hands under her Green Lantern night shirt pulling it all the way up to her stomach, then proceeded to plant light butterfly kisses all over her stretch marks. Kate looked down, mesmerized at what her husband was doing. Castle rose up and pulled Kate's chin up to look into her eyes. Those eyes that he fell into from the moment he first met her.
"Honey, do you know how amazing and beautiful you are to me"? Kate's eyes misted over. "Kate", he said, "These marks show the strength and determination of my warrior woman, who gave birth to our 3 wonderful children and when doctors warned you that twins at 42 would be too great a risk, you told them to shove it up their asses, and you fought and fought to bring them into this world. Your bullets scars are our history of fighting for justice, and your determination to face down all the evil in this world... Remember the banquet we went to a few months ago"? Kate with tears in her eyes nodded. Castle continued, "Everywhere we went that night I watched as every man turned to look at you as you were clearly the most beautiful woman in the whole place. I wrapped my arms around you to let one and all know that you were mine. I'm still amazed even after all these years what I did to deserve such a strong, independent, loving mother and wife as yourself. I will always be grateful for the day that you became mine, and I always find you stunning. You take my breath away sometimes.
As her husband wiped the tears from her eyes she smiled and said, "Babe if I'd known what I know now I would have let you debrief me, when I first met you".
Rick chuckled and said, "And I would have still had no idea, and don't think for one second you were fooling anyone when you walked away from me down that alley, putting a major swing to those beautiful hips of yours, I knew what you were doing".
She smiled at looked at him under those long lashes, "I might have put a little more oomph into my walk. I could already tell that you were an ass man".
Kate rolled over and placed her head on her husband's chest. They went to bed almost always like that every night. Castle ran his hands thru her hair. As Kate slipped off to dream world, she mumbled, "Don't forget to call your billionaire friend tomorrow Rick", and then she followed that up with, "Love you Always Baby".
"Me too honey...Me Too. You are my dream come true. Until tomorrow honey".
"Night Babe", she mumbled.
Castle smiled remembering the day that Kate asked why he couldn't just say goodnight. He had replied, "Goodnight is boring, until tomorrow was more... hopeful", and she had said, "Well I'm just a cop Castle so... night". He smiled at that memory and thought to himself how he still occasionally had to pinch himself when he looked at his amazing children and the love of his life. He told Kate once that his dreams do come true. He looked at his wife, her head on his chest sleeping and he thought that he was the luckiest man in the world. He smiled as he fell asleep knowing that he would soon see her again... in his dreams.
Hope you liked!
Thinking of doing a sequel to this, where the kids find newspaper clipping of Casketts exploits and want to know more.

Hello. My names Sally. I am a little panicky and my heart is beating fast. I am shaking and my speech wont be perfect. I wrote this over the course of seven hours as I have extreme up and downs. I need indirect advice. This is barley my story and all people here had very distinct characters that affected me in a bad way and this isnt the correct timeline but I physically cant type it how it should be now, its more blurred. this is like a tdlr of "i know why i feel like a psychopath". Im constantly adding edits because I have to much to say. Ask anything you like. I want curiosity as it helps me understand my emotions.
Im turning 16 next week. I always remember my parents to argue and fight, and afterwards they would tell me how terrible the other parent is. My brothers lived with me until i was 6, and protected me 24/7. (while they weren't on drugs or out of the house or isolated). Once they moved out I lost that protection. My mom died when I was 9. I watched the ambulance take her and the doctors use machines on her.
For two years after that life was great as I remember, my relationship with my dad was good and I has a best friend named bella. She was really mean to me and hit me and forced me to do things I didn't want to. But my relationship with my father was amazing, so I was dissociated and didn't care.
Then I just.. stopped hanging out with her. She was a terrible person sure, but I don't actually remember wanting to leave her. But we did drift away. After that everything was downhill. My dad was dating a girl in a different neighborhood and we went there every weekend. I hated it. I wanted to see my friends and I wanted to spend time alone at home. Anytime I brought this up he would get angry, claim he wanted everyone to be happy, and that he was trying. sometimes he would cry. sometimes id get my way.
Then we moved right next to her house. I FUCKING HATED IT. I wanted to stay home. This woman was not my mom but anytime I expressed this i was hurting my father. I didn't like her, I saw her as a replacement. I was 12 and lost my mom only three years ago. Who is this person? But at the time, I couldn't say it. Once they even thought about moving in, and I had to play along.
I became isolated. My dad and that woman broke up and I had nobody. My dad ignored me and went to concerts all the time. Every week he was coming home late, and I never knew what days. He just told me. But I needed him. I has no friends and this was when the pandemic really hit, I was completely lost.
By 13 I had friends but still hated myself and my dad. By 14 I went crazy and started to smoke weed, etc. and experimented anyway that caused me excitement. I was wearing thongs and mini crop tops to school and getting money from illicit places. Then at 15 I crashed and went back to isolation. I was chasing a lifestyle I wanted more than anything, to be clean and calm. But i hates the calm. Now Im turning 16 again and im going crazy, 100% determined to get the truth out there. This is not okay.
I cut my bangs, rearranged my room, had a panic attack, and realized its because anytime I rebel my dad fucks me up. I went to a clinic and i had a psychological breakdown. He wanted to send me to the ward but I kept saying no, I need to sleep at home, but he kept trying to pressure me. I told him he can't rush this. I yelled and cried and threw myself until I got to leave, but i was convinced everyone was against me and thought i was a psychopath. I walked to the car and screamed. I saw security and thought they were watching me to make sure i didn't kill someone and I hid in the car.
The problem is I forget everything my dad does. One day ago he threatened to kill himself because I didn't hand over my scissors, I like to make bracelets sometimes and it would help calm me down if I got emotional. He persisted and said "Fine Ill go kill myself". When I was 6 he called me stubborn 24/7, even though in my head it meant "stupid" and all I was doing was being myself. I said this forever and he told me to take a joke everytime.
I need to tell anyone and everyone. He has scared me so bad I peed my pants at 10. anytime i say this he says im imagining it. thank you for listening. if you think someone in your contact list can help me, please send them this post. Crosspost it to another reddit. Post it on tiktok. SPEAD AWARENESS. I am begging. if you cant help me, try and do it indirectly. I know i sound weird, but i cant keep being like this. I made my account look as real as possible from the outside.

Some background: I live in an East Coast beach town. My dad (late 60s) lives in the Northeast, and texts that he's passing through on his way to Tampa. He asks if he can meet me at a local diner. I haven't seen him or really had a meaningful conversation with him since my nephew's second birthday party back in August. Despite my sister living in the Midwest, he showed up with two friends - we'll call them Boomer (early 70s) and Bobcat (mid-50s). Boomer married into money and has very much been in an end of life crisis since he wife died five years ago - we're talking Pit Vipers, a new Corvette, every tacky boomer luxury and fashion choice you can think of. Boomer is also the father of someone I went to gradeschool with. Bobcat desperately wants to be a cougar and/or Rock of Love contestant. She dyes her hair jet black with the emo peacock thing that was popular in like 2008, wears a glitter cowboy hat everywhere, and has had so much plastic surgery that - not trying to bodyshame - she looks more like an alien doing an offensive human caricature than an actual person; if an alien made itself look like her and walked around going "I'm a human," you'd be offended. While I won't intentionally bodyshame, as someone covered in tattoos I will gladly inkshame the stars and negative space clouds she got done to cover her tummy tuck scar - it looks like it's meant to be filler on a sleeve or backpiece, and since it's her only tattoo it draws attention towards the scar it doesn't hide (I'm sure her artist tried to reason with her that negative space designs won't cover anything by definition). Basically, both arrived wasted, and despite the pool being closed for obvious reasons, proceeded to strip to swimwear and open up the pool they don't own. Bobcat decided a one-piece thong swimsuit would be appropriate for a two year old's birthday party, and Boomer kept trying to fight parents for staring at the trainwreck (hence how I know about her tattoo). My sister hasn't spoken to my dad since, and my mom and I celebrated Christmas at her house without my dad. I texted my sister to see if she'd be hurt if I agreed to meet him, and that I wanted to try to talk sense into him about why he owes her an apology for dragging two uninvited guests across state lines in the first place.
Anyways, I meet him at the diner, and lo and behold, he's roadtripping with Boomer and Bobcat and never bothered to tell me. Maybe five minutes in, Boomer thanks my dad for helping him re-write something. This catches my ear because my dad is definitely not a creative type and wouldn't begin to understand how to draft an article, blog post, or god forbid a legally binding document. I joke that someone has been taking creative writing classes he never told me about, to which he replies that it was "just a contract," and that he "had to" because he saw that Boomer's lawyer was refusing to. When he saw my face he tried to assure me that he read an article by a lawyer on Facebook about how to do it and it wasn't hard.
Oh no...I ask to see the article. It's one of those clickbait virus trap "Experts Reveal Their Industry's Secrets" lists shared by some random AI run page featuring a bunch of tweets and Reddit posts and a likely AI interpretation of said posts. I'm not a lawyer, but based on the "bar manager" who advises you to always order "light ice" with the author's takeaway being that they have to fill your glass (no, they don't) so you get free alcohol by ordering light ice (holy shit no you don't), I'm guessing the Reddit lawyer isn't one, either.
Since my dad pulled it up on his phone, I don't have a link, but I remember the gist of it: If you want to leave an immediate family member out of your will, they can contest it and the courts will likely grant them something. The initial post acknowledges that most Americans don't know they can contest a will, but a way to prevent them from doing so is to leave the immediate family member you don't like a small sum like $5 on the condition that they don't contest the will. The author's brilliant takeaway is that the family member won't risk losing their "entire inheritance," and "who doesn't want five dollars?" That I distinctly remember because Jeeeeeeeeesusfugginchrist.
I'm so dumbfounded by it all that it doesn't occur to me I'm potentially about to help the two (three?) worst people I know screw over a kid I went to gradeschool with that appears to have grown up to be a decent human being. I ask that my dad wrote a will for one of them, and Boomer confirms it was his, and that he wanted to write out his own child because, as Bobcat explains for him, "you won't believe how much [kid's name] has changed since you knew them."
Before I wised up to the fact I was inadvertently helping them, I even asked if it was wise to draw attention to something his child likely doesn't know exists, to which he assured me "No one is stupid enough to lose their entire inheritance on a gamble."
"You mean five dollars?"
"It's their entire inheritance."
"Yeah, but if I Googled how to contest a will, I'd get your house. That's like flipping a coin - heads, I win a house, and tails, I lose five dollars. I'd gladly flip that coin."
"No No No, it's heads, you win a house that you could have just bought, but tails, you lose your entire inheritance."
"Which is five dollars?"
"That's not the point. Think of it like Deal or No Deal. If you were down to the million dollar briefcase and the penny briefcase, you'd be stupid not to take the deal."
"But if the deal is only five dollars, why not gamble on having the million dollar briefcase?"
"Because you'd lose everything if you had the penny briefcase!"
At this point I realize that the more I talk, the more likely I am to help them. I tell them I never thought of it like that, they all get shit-eating grins, and my dad advises them to tell his lawyer about the new will because "he'll probably just toss out your old one."
And as tempted as I am to give my old friend a heads up...it's insulting to their intelligence to do so. I'll reach out when Boomer dies, and aside from making sure they know he had a will with his lawyer I'll stay out of it. I imagine any judge who sees the document my dad drafted will side with the kid, especially seeing that, from what I've read, undue influence from a recent third party (aka Bobcat) and lack of legal witnesses; etc. are major cases for contesting a will (again I'm not a lawyer so any actual lawyers feel free to chime in). My only wish is that Boomer can see from beyond the grave how badly his plan eventually backfires.

TL;DR I am looking for advices My 3 year relationship has me questioning reality and thinking I'm the only problem. What started with cheating and gaslighting has turned into violence (sometimes with objects), and verbal degradation. She (gf, F/28) has the lease only in her name, and we have 40k in credit card debt.... but I'm only a AU. I am not allowed in the accounts with her watching and being there.... I need help. I need out.
Okay... this sucks. This is going to be a long one. I never thought I would have to do this, but it is 2:04 in the morning and this is the only time I feel safe to write this as she (gf, F/28) is in bed and I have permanently moved to the couch. Please have patience, I will try to make it as short as possible but still get the important things... I'm sorry if I go on too long...
For the full scope to be seen, I feel I need to start from the beginning. I (M/25) have been with my gf (F/28) for just over 3 years now. I am a musician, and she works a corporate job. Ultimately, she is the breadwinner, and we live together. She has a 7 year old daughter, and I have been in her life since she was 4. The bio dad is involved in every legal sense, but that's about it. We split time with the dad 50/50, but we do all the parenting.
We met at my (used-to-be) favorite dancehall. I am a country musician, and dancing was a huge hobby of mine. I play drums, so if there's rhythm involved, I am drawn to it. I had asked her to dance, and she said yes. As we were talking and singing and dancing, she brought up the salary that she made. I didn't think anything of it, but now I realize it was after I said I played music for a living... I don't want to make assumptions, but knowing what I know now I feel like it should've been a red flag. Other than that, we immediately hit it off and we bonded over trauma dumping (we were both SA at a young age, and my childhood was around my parents who constantly fought like hers. My house, however, was a military household and my dad brought his work home with him (we have moved past this in the present and have a very good relationship). I had thought things were going great, and I asked her to be my girlfriend. It is important to know that at this time, COVID was a thing, and the club we were in was a "private club" and bent rules to stay open. I had signed two 6-month contracts shortly before COVID for different artists to tour with them. There was no COVID clause. Halfway to our first show of leg 1, everything shut down. My savings went quick, and I lost literally everything. I ended up living on a friends couch, and he also being a musician (as well as 100% disabled vet with severe PTSD and night terrors), the depression in the house was real. Any good household chore routine was broken, and we sunk very low. We didn't even have money to eat. It was a tough time.
Anyway, when I asked her to be my gf, she said yes. She also said she wasn't over her ex. I was incredibly lonely, depressed, and angry at the world at this time. I was just happy to have someone who I thought liked my company, I told her it was okay, that people have impacts on our lives and I don't mind helping her through it (I get it now.. I gave permission to use me). She happily obliged. Very quickly, as you probably expect, things went downhill quick. She convinced me to leave my friend and move in with her within 5 months. The constant s*x, full stomach, and warm bed definitely was persuasive. As soon as I moved in, everything I did was wrong. I do understand that I came with bad habits, and she felt she had to correct them. She just corrected me with insults and hurtful passive aggressive comments. I would put a dish away wrong and I would have touch (my love language) withheld from me as she said I could be touched when I learned to be normal.
During this time (the first 6 months), she was going out to bars with her ex constantly. When I went out of town one time (6 hours away, overnight), I called her because my band had a bucket list item we got to check off. She was at a restaurant when I called and she told me she was busy, and hung up. She was with her ex. 2 weeks later I discovered plans for them to go out of town with her daughter for Memorial Day. When I discovered it, I cried so hard to not go with him. She told me she wouldn't, but she was still going. (obviously) she still went with him, even though she held me while I cried and told me she wouldn't. I found thong bikinis and sun dresses (with no panties packed) in her suitcase. She swears they didn't sleep in the same hotel room (or together), but her daughter (who was 5 at the time) told me, unprompted, that he was in the room with them when she woke up. I still don't believe her (my gf) to this day.
Shortly after the trip, they went to a baseball game. I had a show that same day and had an off feeling.... I regret doing this, but one night when she got drunk (I don't drink) I had a horrible feeling and went through her phone. I saw snapchats of her butt that he took at the game walking up stairs, as she was wearing booty shorts (she specifically said she wouldn't wear those shorts so I could feel better and left with a different pair on). She also had a gallery full of their sex tapes... it was everything you could possibly think of. I regret looking every day. What made it worse is she would talk about their "past" sex life. I was very obviously upset at all of this, and confronted her several times. Things got heated and I yelled... more than a few times. I told her it was unacceptable to be treating me this way. She said she warned me before I got involved and I could either deal with it or leave, but either way he's not leaving from her life. I do not know why I chose to stay. The final nail in the coffin was she went to a concert and I overheard him call her babe when he picked her up. She came home trashed and aroused... woke me up from a dead sleep to try and sleep with me. I refused, and she kept trying until I left the room. She told me after that, that if I can't sleep with her when she's aroused when she comes home, then she just won't try at all. She still refuses sex, it's been 2 years with the same reasoning. We use spermicidal jellies, and for 2 months after that, I would see opened wrappers that I didn't notice before that were placed in places I never put them. She denies anything to this day.
Fast forward to now, it's important I tell you anything I do is never enough. I walk our dog LITERALLY 8 times a day (he has chronic digestive issues), dishes, clean the clutter, sweep, mop. This was also while I was trying to build a marketing agency from the ground up (which was going well until I was on the verge of making more than her. She then started fights while I was on the phone, and factory reset my computer before an important deadline with a huge client. I ended up closing my company.) I am always doing something wrong... I am not exaggerating when I say 80% of what comes out of her mouth is a correction.... I'm so tired... The fighting has gotten worse. I have completely changed as a person. After I closed my company, she made me lie on my resume to apply for jobs that she chose.. If she didn't like it, she made it very uncomfortable around the subject.. I am a person who hates lying, and though I have a job with the music now, I constantly feel like a lie due to this. I have changed completely, and I do not like myself. I have a quick fuse, call names, get very emotionally unstable now. I never used to do this. I am in therapy and coping works, but sometimes it's not enough.
There has been 2 times she's hit me in the head with a glass bottle. One time, in front of her daughter, she was screaming at me because I missed a turn on vacation. It was relentless.... and she refused to let me leave the car. Eventually, after idk how long, I lost my shit and poured a Topo Chico bottle on her leg. I know that was wrong, and she took the empty bottle and hit me in the back of the head and my forehead hit the steering wheel.
The 2nd time was this past Christmas... and it was by far the worst physical incident. My mother had a major stroke and I was named PoA over her. This was 2 days before Xmas, and I was laid off 2 days after Xmas (the unemployment report confirmed there was no misconduct, btw). Note that my gf's mom had died and was revived 3 weeks prior to this, and I dropped everything I was doing to support her during that tough time, and my grandfather died and I never got to say goodbye. As I was getting ready to go see my mom on Xmas, she looked at me dead in the eyes and told me how I was ruining her Xmas and my mom can wait. I pushed back and said that was rude. When I said that, she started in on how it was rude that mom didn't take care of herself and raised an inconsiderate, shitty son. (my mom also has severe medical conditions). She just kept going with those thoughts and said I was the reason my mom tried to die, and before I could stop myself, I threw the pair of socks I had in my hand. It hit her on the arm, she said it hurt really bad and I could have seriously hurt her, and she got up, punched me in the nose, and choked me until I almost blacked out... she then hit me with a bottle...
This was all happening and verbal arguments and less physical altercations (like punching me before an interview because I asked her to be quiet in the wrong tone, choking me with my necklace because of a comment I made, etc). I have now started just trying to cut off the convo when it becomes hostile, now. plugging my ears, anything.. I have called her a bitch, and a c*nt after she tells me I'm nothing without her and I should never expect anyone to like me... tbh I feel like I've become her. I've almost called CPS several times too. the cops have been called twice and I have left the state once... I regret coming back.
The last thing is she added me as an authorized user on all her cards.... now they're all maxed out with a total of $40k debt. She would buy things with the card and not pay it, and then say I needed some, or x player. She blames me for all her debt, when she's the one who swiped the card... Quite literally I am the cause of all her problems, and everything she justifies because she claims I took everything over and over and over.
I am blamed for everything... Everything she does is a reaction to me.... We fought tonight.. I had just gotten home from my first ever public speaking event, and she was angry that I rented a car when she wouldn't let me use hers and mine is dead rn... I took a list of what hurtful things were said. Here is that list:
Things she said today: •My mother is a stupid bitch who misses herself and I get all my problems from her. •I'm useless and don't provide. •I don't make enough before I'm stupid. •I'm the reason my dad left my mom... because I do nothing and am useless. •I'm nothing without her because I'm not good enough to do anything myself. •I'm not allowed to eat, use A/C, use WiFi, use Electricity, Water, or any of the furniture because she does the bills and decides where the money I give her goes. I don't pay for any of it, apparently. •I bombed my speech because I'm an idiot who doesn't care about anything. • I told her she was being hateful and she asked how after all of this. I told her she's crazy if she doesn't know how this is hateful. She said I was refusing to answer because I was wrong and fucking stupid like my mother and couldn't think hard enough to come up with an answer. • Said I deserved this because I made her too angry.... • Austin goes and plays his stupid little music and can't even bring in income. He gets to eat and have things when he makes more money. • Not allowed to eat because I didn't contribute enough....
Things I said today • go to hell • kiss my ass • you're being an ass • you're being a bitch •dumb cunt
I have no idea what to do... I feel crazy... I'm always on edge... I'm always from and misremember... I can't celebrate positive milestones because I'm told they don't matter because I'll just fuck it up. I'm miserable.
Please help.... my brain is so scattered. I don't know what's real... I feel alone. I know I don't clean all the time, I forget a bowl or 2... but for the most part I clean and help out... I feel so defeated....
Do I deserve things to go this far?

I (17f) suddenly had a discomfort feeling in my vaginal area mid day at school, I thought it was my thong messing with me so when I went to the bathroom to fix it I felt a lump in my vaginal opening, I ignored it up until I got home and when I took a shower I felt it and it didn’t feel normal I grabbed a morror and saw it, I then looked up what it could be and found out it’s a BC I came here to ask if I should just do warm compress after school + warm sitz or if I should just tell my mom and go to the doctor which I kinda don’t want to because she’ll assume it’s a sexually transmitted disease but what do y’all think I should do

I (17f) suddenly had a discomfort feeling in my vaginal area mid day at school, I thought it was my thong messing with me so when I went to the bathroom to fix it I felt a lump in my vaginal opening, I ignored it up until I got home and when I took a shower I felt it and it didn’t feel normal I grabbed a morror and saw it, I then looked up what it could be and found out it’s a BC I came here to ask if I should just do warm compress after school + warm sitz or if I should just tell my mom and go to the doctor which I kinda don’t want to because she’ll assume it’s a sexually transmitted disease but what do y’all think I should do

My story is long and unbelievable at times. I’m choosing to share it on this forum after reading post after post after post of (mostly) women being treated with the same disrespect and disregard as I was for many years by my In-Laws. If you relate to any of my story, I want you to know that no one in this planet is entitled to cause problems in your marriage, abuse you and your children mentally or physically nor should anyone create unnecessary challenges that effect the life you built with your husband. You don’t have to accept being treated like shit just because the love of your life happens to be their kid. I didn’t know that, but now you do.
The first time I met my future MIL in 2005, I found it odd that as she was saying goodbye to my then boyfriend, her hands were tucked into his back pockets and she was gazing into his eyes for a minute too long to be appropriate. It was odd to me at the time, but I was smitten with her son and didn’t want to make any waves about it. Little did I know she was marking her territory like a dog lifts his leg on a tree making sure I knew she was his. She continued to mark her territory and steal him back from me throughout our relationship and marriage until the day she died. Grab some popcorn and get comfy, this is my long and unbelievably disturbing story of my evil in-laws.
When we were dating, I couldn’t help but notice how dependent she was on my man. She talked to him and treated him like he was her therapist, her lover and her best girlfriend all rolled into one. I talked to my man about the inappropriate relationship she was having with him, only to be met with justifications for her inappropriate behavior. Seemed legit and I actually liked that he was so supportive of his mother, at the time I thought he was a stand up man to his mom who needed his support. I started realizing she constantly needed his emotional support, financial support and guidance on living as a responsible adult.
She was inappropriate and embarrassing in public. A couple of her famous moments:
“I don’t know why he (my man) is allergic to milk, I breast fed him until he was 18 months old!” — to numerous servers over the years
“I can’t believe you don’t wear thongs, DIL (me). What kind of Florida girl are you?” — i had never discussed my underwear with her, apparently she had asked her son what I wore.
“If men are out on this earth to serve their wives, why aren’t they interested in foreplay?” —- to her mother’s pastor at an extended family dinner he attended.
“I divorced my second husband because he stopped wanting to have sex with me after we were married for x years” — many times to many people who didn’t need to know such details. Including my man and his brother. When I was taken aback by her comments, she responded with “Why are you such a prude, didn’t you talk about sex with your parents, DIL?” No, I sure did not and if that made me a prude, I was ok with that distinction.
Time went on and her behavior and conversations were on repeat every time we visited. She never asked about my man’s life, tried to get to know me at all and changed the subject back to her every time it wasn’t . She would speak to me like I was inferior to her. I constantly felt judged and questioned about how I went through life. Things like “why are you writing in a blue pen, DIL, I don’t understand why anyone would choose to write in blue, it’s so bold and distracting.” Backhanded compliments were common and often, and TBH, it made me very self conscious of how I carried myself. She beat me down every chance she got, sometimes on the sly with little effort and other times obviously trying to embarrass me in front of others. She did the same to her son, her parents, her siblings, strangers we encountered, my parents, pretty much anyone she could. It was expected by all that knew her and accepted as “that’s just how she is”. I can guarantee no one will ever treat me or my family in such a way ever again. No one, not even one time.
Her manipulative and narcissistic personality escalated with every major event in our lives. She pulled some bullshit over our wedding weekend, the purchase of our first home, my baby shower(that’s a whole story I’ll go into later), the birth of both my children, every birthday party, holiday, and special occasion we celebrated was overshadowed by her quest to be the center of attention. All the while making backhanded comments to me criticizing my efforts to make the special occasions, well special. I could go on and on with examples of her stealing the show from me or my husband and even our children by making a scene or coordinating drama in the background.
To be continued…….