Hand jobs in public

Hi reddit. My girlfriend of 7 years wants to get married. The problem is, I make 2-3x her salary.
I understand that in case of a divorce, any income generated while we're married will be split 50-50, while pre-marital assets stay as they were. I also understand that in case of income disparity she will be entitled to alimony for up to 5 years.
She is fluent in 3 languages, has a masters degree, works in corporate, makes decent money, owns property (gifted by her parents), and expects a good inheritance. Despite her earning potential, she doesn't have the ambition to build wealth and voiced her desire to work 80 or 60% in the future.
I come from the third world and it took me 10+ years to finally land a job at a FAANG and start making good money. Generational wealth flows in reverse for me, with me supporting family members. I'm now in my wealth building stage (HENRY).
Given that, I don't think marriage makes financial sense for me. It would make an eventual divorce costly for me and appealing for her, despite her already being wealthier than me. It will also reward her for working less, which is the opposite of what I want. I don't want her to take on a higher share household duties or eventual childcare duties.
Her reasons for marrying are cultural, she just wants to be a wife and feels it's the right thing to do. I on the other hand just can't seem to overlook the actual legal definition of a marriage and make this decision based purely on emotions. It also won't give us any significant rights on top of what we already have, e.g. we file taxes together, we are each other's pension beneficiaries, we have a samenlevingscontract so our house automatically becomes hers if I die, and we have medical rights over each other.
What are your thoughts on this? Am I overlooking something? Does it actually make sense to get married?

Hi Everyone Wanted to share my experience dealing with joystick drift on my xbox controller.
So my original controller which came with the Series S started showing signs of joystick drift around 1 year after the purchase. Initially I bared it, but it became a pain when playing games such as overcooked 2.
Spending 5k more on buying a controller didn't seem to make a lot of sense since I had one more controller, the only issue was with couch co-op games.
So I first tried to call up local repair shops and they quoted me insanely high numbers to replace the joystick - roughly 2k. I live in Hyd, these prices might be lower in places such as Delhi.
Then the engineer in me got an itch, and I thought why not replace it myself. Searching on amazon I found this - TCOS TECH Xbox Series X/S Analog 3D Analog Joystick Replacement for Xbox Series S Xbox Series X Wireless Controller : Amazon.in: Video Games (not sponsored or affiliated in any way)
I thought it should just be a simple soldering job and I ordered a soldering kit with this.
Then I started, and oh my, it was a really scary experience.
So the difference between soldering normally, and removing solders made by hand is generally very easy. But in things such as the controller, the soldering is done using automated machines on the PCB.
Removing these solders is not possible using normal soldering guns you might have for hobbies etc. They require significantly more heat to remove.
So yeah, I spent a long time trying to heat and remove the solder to no avail, the PCB almost changed a bit of it's colour, and I was like I have anyways messed this up.
Then I started exploring more on youtube to see more simpler techniques, there were techniques around just breaking the potentiometers/joystick instead of the solder, and then just move it back and forth to break the solder.
I thought I'll do this on the whole joystick, but just doing it on one of the potentiometers was too much effort and scary. Scary in terms of breaking the whole thing up.
Then I ended up only breaking 1 potentiometer (the front-back one which had the drift) and then replacing it with a potentiometer from the one I had purchased. After much more effort and abusing the PVC very badly with heat, solder and the hole from where I removed the older potentiometer, it looked like a complete mess. I was worried if it would even turn on.
Luckily after few minor adjustments, the joystick was working perfectly. I can honestly say, I felt super happy!
Fast forward to 2months since this, now the joystick has a different kind of problem, where it randomly gets stuck in top direction, hopefully might be fixable with minor tweaks.
All in all it was a very scary experience (of destroying my whole controller), and I won't recommend it to anyone if you don't have advanced soldering skills and equipment.
Better approach would be to buy a stick like this online and then maybe go to a mobile repair shop and pay them some money to help with soldering.

I've always had issues with my mom. She was incredibly emotionally abusive when I was growing up. I've been moved out for 3 years and now she just lives with my 14-year-old brother. I rarely ever talk to her because I started to notice she was having an alcohol problem. That's just where it started. She would go to bars almost every night of the week and would buy alcohol instead of grocies for my little brother to eat, and then complain about money. Then I'd have my little brother over at my apartment (I live in a town an hour away), and she would call him and yell at him for nothing being there because "he needed to be home to let the dog out". Mind you it was because of something like she was going on a date that night. Now she doesn't have a job, but she's pursuing modeling. And now I'm scrolling on tik tok and seeing my 45-year-old mothers boudoir photos posted to her public account (mind you I don't follow her, it just pops up because she's in my contacts). I continued down the rabbit hole and discovered all the tik toks she had been making. Then about a month ago, she went to Florida for a week and left my 14-year-old brother home alone for a week. She had just gone to Vegas the month prior (left him home alone that time as well). I think she's going through a mid-life crisis. She used to yell at me for listening to metal and dressing in all black and now her tik tok name is living dead girl and she's obsessed with metal and goes to concerts at least once a month. Mind you she's still not buying groceries for my little brother and she still doesn't have a solid job. I genuinely don't know what tf to do. I've talked to my dad whom she's separated from and he wanted to fall cps on her as well, but didn't want my brother to end up in foster care. Even though I'm pretty sure he would be sent to live with my dad and grandparents or me or my older sister. Likes there's a lot of options, all of us are self sufficient and could take care of him. I just don't know what the right thing to do is.

Hello my reddit family,
I am going through just a harsh time and knew I needed to vent out.
I met a guy on a dating on last April 2023 and as soon as we matched the phone calls and messages where non-stop. He lived three hours away and was always pursuing and ensisting to come and meet me. When we finally did, there was an instant connection and attraction, its like we have known eachother before. Our conversation , our joke, everything came so natural. He stayed the weekend to be with me and had to leave due to work. We continued to talk as always and he ensisted on seeing me the following weekend but I couldnt because I had plans with my family. That weekend we started our day the same talking and texting and then out of no where half way through the day he told me he wasnt feeling good , that he was going to bed early and didn’t call me until the next day morning( Sunday). Same issue occured we talked the whole morning and then he made up an excuse and we didnt talk the whole night until Monday morning he magically appeared. The following weekend after that one he told me he missed and wanted to see me so hee booked us a fun weekend at palm springs. While at palm springs spring he introduced me to one of his closest friends he told them about future plans he had in midn with me. He would always re assure me before going to bed that he really liked me and is serious about me. We then had sex but before I asked him if he was seeing anybody else , before we had unprotected sex and he said no he was only seeing me.
We had sex and spend an amazing weekend togethe and I though to myself this guy is really the one he had so many things I loved. He was ambitious, he was set already had a good job, studied, his next step in life was building a family, we liked the same music hobbies, etc he was the one in my head.
The following weekend after Palm Springs, he told me he was going to a wedding and dunes with his cousins and didnt hear from him only in the mornings. On Sunday, he asked if we could meet half way that he really wanted to introduce me to his other best friend but I was unable to go on such short notice. He was understanding and continue his sunday with his cousins.
That night idk why I had a feeling that something wasnt right. I didnt want to think bad about him but idk i felt something. Two weekends where he magically disappears but always checks up on me the next day , i was battling in my head stopping myself from thinking bad but my evil thoughts beat me to it and I started to investigate.
Idk where to even look because, I obviously didnt have any mutual friends we lived 3 hours apart but decided to go through his recent followers. And to not make this story any longer lol. I came across a girl he was following who had a public account she was younger than him by 6 years she was 23 he is 28 and I saw her recent stories and saw him in them. She really didnt show him completly but I was able to tell It was him. I saw they where in the same similar setting to where he was last weekend and this weekend with his “cousins”. My heart dropped, I was so sad and fustrated and didnt know what to do. I started stalking her, her friends, family , comparing myself etc. I didnt know whether I should tell him something, or not. He had told me before we had sex he wasnt seeing anyone. I was hurt and didnt know what to do. The following week i acted as nothing happened. He was the same lovey dovey but I kept stalking the girl and noticed he would see her during the week when he would tell me he was at the gym, she also lived closer to him.
I didnt know what to do, he was making future plans with me to take me to a concert and planning the following weekend booking a hotel and making reservations to see eachother again. But idk what to feel or do. Until one day I heard nothing from him but a goodmorning and saw he was with her. So I finally question him I obviously didnt tell him that I knew who it was but asked gim if he was seeing anybody else , the reason is because the past days he been a little off and I just wantes to make sure. He got offended and told me he wasnt that he is always planning thing with me or eants to see me. He is booking future events with me and there isnt a day that goes by that he does not keep in touch with me. Then i told him I just wanted to reassure since I really liked gim and I was seeing anybidy else but him and he has been off. Right after that he send me a text how he felt i was accusing him of aomething and that it was too early on to begin with that and then stopped texting me after that. A week later he blocked me from instagram and since then I have not yet stopped looking at the other he chise. He eventuallt continued to pursue her and till this day they are atill together. I stopped nyself from looking them up for months but then temptation beat me and I did hoping my evil thought he wouldnt be with her that he would do the aame rhing to her he did with me . But they are happily together they seems so happy always traveling and doing all the things he has said he would do with me. There relationsjip seems perfect her family loved him he sings to her and protects her and I cant stop comparing myself to her.
Idk what to do its been a year and I am still not over it every guy I meet i compare them to him.
I am so fustrated. Sorry focr the long post just needed to vent out.

Hi all, my first year teaching in Shenzhen. I’ve enjoyed my time here but I think it’s time for a change of pace. Shenzhen has been a decent first city, modern bustling metropolis, hiking, beaches but I think it lacks soul. Life has been a little boring after my close friends lost their jobs and moved back to old Blighty. My public school working conditions are good but the pay is quite low and will raise by only a couple peanuts if I re-new the contract. Staying in Shenzhen is the safer option in my head as my school is calm, I have a couple Chinese friends and I have a flat mate.
I now have an offer in Nanjing. Considerably higher salary but I’m sure means an increased workload especially as it’s in a private school. I haven’t read much on Nanjing all I know so far is that it’s got history and it’s bloody humid. Nanjing is more risky as I’ll have to start over again but I would like more monies and a fresh start would help reinvigorate my slightly disillusioned first year here potentially.
What I’m looking for in my next step in my China extravaganza is: keep improving my piss poor Chinese, find some new friends foreigners and locals alike, live in a new city (this will also be my final year in China), hiking, and a night out here and there.
So should I stay in Shenzhen or go to Nanjing ?
Any advice on what I should do or info about Nanjing would be much appreciated :)

Backstory- my husband and I are in our mid 40s. Married 22 years with 4 kids. My husband and I had very different upbringings…. He was raised a very strict Christian and attended Christian grade school, high school and college. I rarely went to church until we were married.
The issues began two summers ago (summer of 2022). My husband was forced to work a job that basically left him sitting alone in a small building without much to do. He was working upwards of 60-70 hours a week at this job. He had a lot of time on his hands and I had a lot to do around the house to keep the our lives running smoothly. Without my knowledge, without including me, and without caring about me our his family, my husbands life took a different path than what we had been accustomed to for over 20 years. He took a deep dive into his faith and began spending all his time at work reading and studying the Bible and praying. He would rarely call or text me and basically cut off all communication from me that summer. I often asked him why. Why didn’t he call? He wasn’t doing anything at work and I was confused as to why he had so little time to talk to me and this left me feeling betrayed and like I was being ignored and I talked to him about it many times that summer.
Not until early November after that summer did he confess to me what he had actually been spending all his time doing. He didn’t confess to me in a loving manner. It wasn’t a thoughtful conversation. It was him in my face, yelling and crying and telling me that I was not Christian enough, and I needed to submit myself to God. He made comments during this conversation about my dad not going to heaven because of his lack of faith. He even made comments that as a disciple of God he found it necessary to try to help my dad. He screamed at me through a closet door that I had locked myself in to escape his persistent need to yell at me. He was crying into the closet door telling me that I needed turn to God so I can be saved and that he needed to help me do it. This all happened while my dad was in the hospital struggling to survive and enduring pain and one set back after another. I was distraught. I felt betrayed, and rightfully so. This was so far out of the norm and though we went to church every Sunday, our faith did not extend much past that.
The next few weeks were rough, but normalcy in our life continued. Husband continued his faith walk and he made many improvements in his life to be a better Christian, husband and father and though I wasn’t on the same journey, I did nothing to stop his walk with God. It wasn’t until the following spring that a similar conversation took place with more yelling and crying. My husband could not accept that I wasn’t and am still not in the same place as him. Life again went on. Flash forward to the following summer in August and my dad died.
I dealt with and continue to deal with lots of depression, anger, anxiety and confusion in my life and I miss my dad. I live with daily flashbacks and grief surrounding his death and I am working through this with help, but the reality is when you have to walk into a hospital room with your mom and siblings and hold your dads hand and tell him “this is it, you are going to die, there is nothing that can be done to save you”, you will never be the same. When you have to hold your dads hand as he cries because he has to leave you, you will never forget that. When you sit with your mom and family and watch your dad take his last breath, a part of you dies with him. I have had to consciously put my pain and sadness to the side to continue life and to be strong for my mom and my family, but that does not mean that many times of every day flashbacks about that final week of my dads life do not over take my thoughts. That the pain, anger and sadness do not come back to the surface. It’s just really hard.
This past week brought new betrayal, distrust and lies. My husband, without my knowledge or without discussing it with me, committed to becoming an elder at our church. The only way I found out was that another elder accidentally called my number and left a voice mail, or I probably still wouldn’t know.
When I talked to my husband about this. He basically just told me that he didn’t tell me because he didn’t want to hear what I had to say and didn’t want me to try to stop him… I wouldn’t have. I did tell him that he is not ready to be an elder…. I believe his home life and marriage need to be in order to be able to assist in leading the church. He did agree and talked to the church about it and it was decided he would become a deacon instead.
I love my husband and despite the opinions you may have formed about him because of what I have said above, he really is great and our marriage is great…. He is a great provider, a great father, he teaches high school Sunday school at our church, we have a great sex life and he has really improved in his communication skills, but obviously a lot work in that department yet.
I really wish I had a stronger desire to build a better relationship with God- for myself and my marriage. I believe in God. I know what I should be doing (reading and studying the Bible and praying), but just can’t put myself in the mind frame to take a deep dive into my faith. My prayer life is basically nonexistent. I feel like I am in limbo and waiting for some type of sign or feeling, but is just not happening. My husband of course would love to help lead me and help me study the Bible, but his past attempts at communicating this with me just leave me worried. Not really sure what to do. Thanks for listening.

2.3.5 Controversial views and perceptions of the clinical picture of MCAS
2.3.5.1 Alternative diagnostic criteria ("Consensus-2")
In 2011, the group of authors led by Gerald Molderings from the Institute for Human Genetics at the University Hospital Bonn and Lawrence Afrin published their own approach to the diagnosis of MCAS (51). In contrast to the diagnostic criteria of Valent et al. (1), the focus here is more on clinical symptoms. In 2016, Afrin et al. published a list of the most common symptoms that could indicate MCAS (52). Furthermore a questionnaire was developed and published on a website (53), after the answers to which the suspected diagnosis of MCAS could be supported or ruled out depending on the scores obtained. In a recently published publication, the working group referred to their diagnostic criteria as "Consensus-2" and compared and discussed them with the criteria of Valent et al. from 2016 (so-called "Consensus-1") (51). An important difference to the criteria Valent et al. 2016, the authors consider the symptoms not only as the main main criterion, but also a much wider range of previously unexplained symptoms (111 unexplained symptoms (111 possible symptoms (44)) as the most important indication of a a mast cell-mediated cause (14 symptoms in Valent et al. (1)). As The diagnosis of MCAS is considered confirmed if the main criterion is present together with a secondary criterion and possible alternative diagnoses have been excluded. The secondary criteria, in turn, are based on observations made at the time of the 500 people with suspected MCAS at the time of the first publication (44). Further differences between the two consensuses can be found in the laboratory parameters to be determined. For example, the researchers from different disciplines, which according to their own statements can draw on a wealth of experience of of over 10,000 MCAS patients (diagnosed according to their own criteria, nota bene), consider CgA to be specific for mast cells in addition to tryptase, among other things (44). The counterargument of the lower specificity compared to serum tryptase is granted a certain validity in the addendum to the "Consensus-2" published in 2020 (44), however the differential diagnoses with elevated CgA values should be easy to rule out and other markers are also never 100% specific. However, another group was already able to show in 2017 that CgA should not be used as a marker for mast cell disease(49). Furthermore the group of authors of the "Consensus-2" counts heparin as an important marker for MCAS, which should be determined after venous congestion using a blood pressure cuff (54). This maneuver was reported to cause irritation of excessively activatable mast cells with release of heparin in the congested area. Interestingly, the following section mentions markers such as IL-6 or tumor necrosis factor (TNF) which, due to their lack of specificity, are not used in diagnostics, but only in the evaluation of a successful therapy. The authors of "Consensus-2" criticize "Consensus-1" for, among other things the lack of definitions for a treatment response, whereby the "Consensus-2 does not provide any concrete proposals for evaluating or monitoring the response to therapy. Another point of criticism is the lack of exclusion of other comorbidities or differential diagnoses, such as CFS, EDS and irritable bowel syndrome, as clinical indications of MCAS. [...] In return, the AAAAI expressly points out that there is no evidence to date of a connection between CFS or EDS and MCAS. Overall, the clinical picture of MCAS is so complex and heterogeneous that a precise definition of a diagnostic algorithm is not possible at the present time. Molderings et al. therefore propose the acceptance of both the "Consensus1" according to Valent et al. and their "Consensus-2" until more precise findings are available through research. The resulting disadvantages, such as the the poorer comparability of patient populations in scientific studies would weigh less heavily than those resulting from the rejection of "Consensus-2" (an underdiagnosis due to criteria that are too restrictive according to the authors). On the other hand, the large number of non-specific complaints that are supposedly associated with MCAS harbors the risk of inflationary diagnosis.
2.3.5.2 Presentation in the lay press
An expansion of the MCAS definition with the use of non-validated clinical and laboratory chemical parameters for diagnosis is frequently found in the lay media, above all on websites, but also in the specialist literature. Increasingly, patients with (suspected) MCAS are organizing themselves with commitment and are increasingly organizing themselves into interest groups such as MCAS Hope e.V., which campaigns for the recognition of MCAS "as an independent disease". In addition They also network those affected and their relatives and carry out public relations work, which aims to make the clinical picture known to a broader public. This expansion of the diagnostic criteria described above increases the risk of a misdiagnosis of MCAS and overlooking the underlying disease, which may be easily treatable. On the other hand, such an erroneous diagnosis can also lead to the use of unnecessary or potentially harmful therapies for MCAS and supposed comorbidities (20). Shortly after publication of the review paper "Doctor, I Think I Am Suffering from MCAS: Differential Diagnosis and Separating Facts from Fiction" by Valent et al. a self claimed affected person started an online petition in which she demands the authors and the publishing Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology to remove the article (55). Among other things, they criticize the criterion of the tryptase increase, which is too harsh and would therefore prevent many patients from being diagnosed. The clinic also does not typically manifest as anaphylaxis, contrary to what is described in the paper, since mediator release in anaphylactic degranulation differs from that in piecemeal degranulation. Finally, the author of the petition, who sees herself as a "patient spokesperson", reports on personal experiences of frustration and feelings of frustration and rejection that were conveyed to her by doctors in the course of her medical history. The petition has so far reached just under 3,000 of the targeted 5,000 digital signatures (as of December 2020) and shows in particular how emotional the issue of the topic of MCAS is being observed and discussed not only in professional circles, but also among patients. Apparently, some patients find the diagnosis of MCAS to be the last explanation for their multiple non-specific symptoms and hope for more acceptance in scientific circles.
2.3.5.3 Difficulties in making a diagnosis
In recent years, despite the existence of consensus criteria, a (suspected) diagnosis is often made in practice, even though these criteria are insufficiently fulfilled. In some cases, the MCAS diagnosis is also increasingly used for otherwise inexplicable conditions that cannot otherwise be explained. The evaluation of symptoms without a known direct connection with the release of mast cell mediators, for example from the neurological or psychiatric spectrum, as a manifestation of the disease leads to a further dilution of the MCAS diagnosis (43). In the "Bonn" questionnaire, the vast majority of the items asked are not based on the consensus criteria formulated by Valent et al. for example they see the sonographic evidence of an enlarged liver as an indication of the disease (53). The measurement of a tryptase elevation in acute relapse, as required by the diagnostic criteria is difficult to implement in practice, whether for reasons of time, capacity or billing. Targeted therapy trials with maximum specificity with regard to all possible decisive mediators are not possible without prior measurement of urinary metabolites and, in the absence of criteria or measuring instruments often do not produce satisfactory results (43). Last but not least, the wide range of possible differential diagnoses, such as for example from the endocrinological, neurological, psychiatric or cardiovascular area, further complicates the diagnosis (43).
Translated with deep.l
https://refubium.fu-berlin.de/bitstream/handle/fub188/32749/diss_s.gu.pdf;jsessionid=A575C43E11977D2F576404BF69D6469C?sequence=3

I have been doing Environmental and Public health work in the military and civilian fields combined for nearly 19 years and I am sick of it. I kept at it thinking I could consistently improve. But the money just isn't there unless I spend years and years in school. I'm really at a loss on how to move forward and the job has become hard on mental health. I was thinking about Data science or Statistics, or getting into a trade. At this point I just want to make money and live my life. Any thoughts on moving forward would really be appreciated cause I am stumped.

I much rather use a google document since it’s easier to edit. Can somebody who got a job recently tell me which is better? I have a regular document cv currently, two columns. Also I felt like it did not reflect my experience well since I’m a masters student i have work experience between my bachelors and now, plus community projects and publications. Is it okay if it’s two pages? Also if I end up using canva I will stick to lighter colors but at this point in time are people still including their pic, dob, nationality, marital status etc?? My field is healthcare management. Pls can anyone give me advice on how to improve my cv there is no way I can go into the summer without a job I need a job asap. It’s almost been a year of applying this is so soooo exhausting.

Okay, so I think y'all are gonna need some context first. I (15M, a few months away from turning 16) have a brother (18M), let's call him Greg (obviously NOT his real name). 2 years ago, I accidentally saw Greg's twitter profile and questioned the fact that his pronouns were She/her, which unsurprisingly puzzled me as I had no idea why. After a quick conversation on discord, as to not raise hell from my parents (now 52M and soon-53F), he confessed to feeling like he wanted to be a woman. Now bear in mind, I respected it and didn't give two craps, I was never too close with my family (nothing extreme though) and couldn't care less. I think it was a few weeks later, 1 or 2 i think, my mother found out. I do believe he told her himself, maybe knowing she wasn't gonna be the first to realize what was going on. And here's where crap hit the fan, you could say, as it started a living hell.
Something people might not know about my parents is, they are VERY stubborn on their ways (a.k.a. their old-as-heck mindset), and my mother didn't exactly like the idea that my brother was trans (oh yeah, he later admitted that same day that he liked both genders, but nobody cared about it as much, Greg included). My mother did ask for my opinion but I said "I dont care what Greg does with his life, it means nothing to me. As long as you stay out of my way, I'm fine with whatever happens. Though, I do kinda get where he's coming from, I wont intervene", and proceeded to leave to my room as it truly meant nothing.
Or so I thought, because a few months later, Greg was bold enough to come to me, clearly stating he wanted me to give him my old phone (an old Alcatel that could barely use WhatsApp and didn't even have a touchscreen, that was my first phone before my actual iPhone 6s I got from backmarket). He intended to sell his iPhone 7 for money to get himself private health care (in my country, public health care IS free but my parents were in control), obviously behind my parents' backs, and he also tried selling me his laptop (which did just recently get passed down to me but for free AND better reasons) with a BROKEN BATTERY for $200. Guys, the damn battery fix costs, and Greg told me that himself, ANOTHER 50 DOLLARS. All I could think was "Is this moron effing joking?", but no he was not and he insisted, but he went back empty-handed and I had a cool threat under my belt in case I needed it. I thought of it like that mainly because of how paranoid I am, and I always like to prepare for the worst case scenario.
Coincidentally, that came like a month later when I was summoned to an exceptionally rare (and awkward ngl) family meeting discussing Greg's feelings and, after a year of me finding out, revealed the truth to my father. As a backup plan, I picked up the Alcatel and stuff it into my pocket just in case (and that, everyone, is why you need to have pockets in your clothes at all times). Sure, I didn't use it, but I was ready to. My father was pretty much mortified at the revelation. And while my father is a great manipulator and always says thing with the intent to trick Greg and me, I did empathize with him a fair bit, honestly.
After this day, we entered what I will call the Horror Year, filled with constant arguing between parents and Greg, and them venting it all out on me. Now before you comment how "you could've done the same", no I could not, my one and only best friend deserves WAY better than getting even slightly involved in this BS. So I ended up holding everything to myself, seeing how my brother cried and my parents yelled at him or even hit him on one occasion (boy was that loud, I heard that with my headphones on but thankfully wasnt a strong swing) and hearing them all vent their crap on ME, my brother telling me how "my parents should un-alive", or "how they suck and wont help me recover my mental health and study what I want" (he wants to get into gamedev in Japan) or even how "they'd rather buy me a car before helping me achieve my dreams" (both cost around the same according to Greg and his internet research bs), and hearing my parents say how "you both can do whatever you want here in your country better than abroad" (most likely false especially in gamedev, by the way) or how "he's just throwing a tantrum" and that "he's just an inexperienced brat who has no idea about life and how hard real life is". They are also the kinda parents that never understood things like us appreciating our videogame save files and considering games something more than a "just for a little bit of time" kinda hobby. That is especially true for me. They even say that nothing in my house is mine, but rather that all of it is THEIRS and THEY are letting us BORROW our computers and stuff, coz THEY paid for it so THEY own it and THEY should be able to use our computers (especially mine apparently) anytime they want it with or without our consent or knowledge. of course they cant as my user has a huge password LOL. But yeah, you get the idea of just how everyone here acts.
To be frank with y'all, I'm starting to lose it. A few days ago, my brother went to an appointment with the doctor to get his treatment and was told there were health risks (very low according to Greg, decently important according to my parents) and to also attend a psychologist (he cried cuz of all that, like LEGIT crying). Actually that all happened yesterday as of writing. Now, I'm losing my patience and told my mother to "not be surprised if one day my mind shuts down and I hurt someone here, coz I just might if you a**holes dont effing stop this BS". I seriously might just blow up, and I think my wooden katana I have for martial arts classes wont like it too much when I do blow up. Not only am I scared that my family dividing might affect me, but I also resent them all for making me suffer in a broken home, all by myself with NOONE to trust. I have the power to try and manipulate the situation a little bit but I dont know how. Cn anyone help me?
P.S.: I told my parents I wanted them to let Greg do it before his appointment with the doctor, mainly coz I want him to learn the hard way if he ends up regretting his choice just the same way I learnt from my own mistakes. Still dont care about his or my parent's feelings though.
TL;DR: My trans brother is causing hell in my family and they all vent on ME, now I'm stuck in a very annoying situation. What do I do now?

I just graduated with an MPH degree last week and I am on the hunt for a job (in public health or in clinical research). My first 4 undergraduate loans are in administrative forbearance but that will end on October 30. The undergrad loans will be in repayment starting on November 15. My graduate school loans are in grace period right now. I am trying to figure out what I should do now. However, I am going to move back in with my dad after my lease ends in late July (since apartment living is expensive lol). Here is the loan breakdown:
Undergraduate Loans:
Direct Loan- Subsidized ($5,508.86) - 4.53%
Direct Loan - Unsubsidized ($2,096.95) - 4.53%
Direct Loan - Subsidized ($5,505.38) - 2.750%
Direct Loan - Unsubsidized ($2,038.48) - 2.750%
Graduate Loans:
Direct Loan - Unsubsidized ($1,956.67) - 6.540%
Direct Loan - Unsubsidized ($21,239.24) - 7.050%
Total Current Balance: $38,345.58

just got my mcat score, so i actually have not thought about a school list at all. pls help! i have no idea what i'm doing :,)
4.0 cGPA, 4.0 sGPA CA ORM (not from IE or Davis)
517 MCAT (just got today)
Research: 700 hours psych research over 3 years (one poster at undergrad conference, one poster at regional conference + award, working on pub manuscript), 100 hours public health over 4 years (2 posters at undergrad conference), 230 hours oncology over a semester+summer
Leadership: resident assistant, board in a heath and wellness education club, board in 2 service clubs, volunteer lead at hospital program, instructor for hobby club
Shadowing: 40 hours
Clinical Volunteering: 400 hours in hospital across 2.5 years, 200 hours in free clinic in 1 year
Non-clinical Volunteering: 600+ hours (food insecurity-related for students/unhoused/low-income, basic needs-related for students and unhoused, play dates with pediatric patients, nursing home volunteer)
Other: 500+ hours IT job, 1000+ hobby (with some local awards)
So far (this is just from admit.org):
UCLA
UCSD
USC
UCI
Kaiser
UPitt
George Washington
Georgetown
Dartmouth
Albert Einstein
UCSF
Tufts
Temple
Vermont
Drexel
Rosalind Franklin
Penn State
I wanna add way more than this, especially since these all sound way too top heavy. Looking for any feedback on adding/removing schools! Thank you!

Hi everyone,
I could really use some advice right now. I'm an English major with an MA in Contrastive Literature, and I've been feeling lost lately.
Where I come from, there aren't options for 'major' and 'minor' studies like in some countries, so I've solely focused on English. I've always been passionate about writing and literature, which is why I pursued my MA with the intention of working in editing, proofreading, or copywriting.
However, internships in these fields are scarce where I live, and my university didn't provide many opportunities for hands-on experience. I'm trying to find remote internships, but I haven't had much luck yet. In addition, my institution did not have a local paper or other writing-related activities.
I tend to overthink and be hard on myself, and this uncertainty about my future is causing a lot of anxiety. Will I ever find a job in something related to my field? What steps should I be taking right now?
My only experience so far has been as a private English tutor, which I did occasionally while studying. However, I've realised that teaching isn't something I enjoy or want to pursue as a long-term career.
I would really appreciate any advice or insights you might have. I apologise for any poor writing in this post; my mind is sort of scrambled right now.

https://archive.is/EvAME
The city has had recent trouble recruiting lifeguards to man public pools and beaches, and it's turning to a familiar place for help.
The YMCA of Central Massachusetts was hired to recruit, train and hire enough lifeguards to open all of Worcester's aquatic facilities this summer, according to a press release from the city.
A shortage was felt last summer in Worcester, as the city fell short of its target of 40 to 50 lifeguards. When swimming areas opened last June, there were no lifeguards watching the beaches at Bell and Coes ponds. Indian Lake Beach didn't open for the second straight year. Some have linked the shortage to violent attacks on city lifeguards in 2021.
The Y was one of four proposals the city received, and the release didn't name the other submissions. The job this summer includes staffing four beaches at Bell Pond, Coes Pond Beach, Indian Lake Beach, Shore Park and the Crompton Park pool from the beginning of July until mid-August.
Worcester will manage hiring at spray parks at Cristoforo Columbo and Greenwood parks, as well as trash removal, cleanup, and water quality at all aquatic sites.
“We are thrilled to partner with YMCA of Central Massachusetts to staff our beaches and pools with lifeguards this summer to ensure residents have access to all of the city’s aquatic facilities,” said City Manager Eric D. Batista in a prepared statement. “The YMCA is a great community partner and has extensive experience with training and recruiting lifeguards and we look forward to a fun, thriving summer for the City of Worcester.”
An advantage for the Y is its indoor pool facilities and training programs, which will help with this summer's staffing, according to the release. Also, because the Y has year-round facilities, trained lifeguards will be able to transfer into year-round positions at its facilities.
“This collaboration will not only offer substantial workforce development and training but will also ensure vital water safety instruction,” said David Connell, president and chief executive officer of the YMCA of Central Massachusetts, in a prepared statement. “Most importantly, it promises a more impactful and enjoyable summer experience for our community.”
But attracting candidates could be a challenge because hourly pay appears to be higher for lifeguards at state pools and waterfronts. An hourly wage of up to $23 per hour is posted for lifeguards at places operated by the state Department of Conservation and Recreation. That compares to some Y job postings that offer $17 hourly for new lifeguards and $17.50 for returning ones.
Those interested in becoming a lifeguard can visit ymcaofcm.org or call (508) 770-6451 for more information

Hi there! =D I'll try and keep this as short as my blabbermouth can.
Basically I'm in college, but I'm working a job that routinely (2-4 days a week) requires me to drive 120 miles round trips. I need something that wont kill me in gas, but also wont crap out on me too catastrophically before those 4 years are up and I can sell it. I'm not too worried about larger price tags, because a car loan is totally manageable for me and probably good for my credit. On the other hand a cheap junker I throw away instead of selling in 4 years is totally fine too.
I'm also completely open to more out there recommendations, other than just "get a Prius lol" (which is fine if it's your genuine recommendation I'm just also interested in more wacky proposals).

Finally met up with my Tinder crush, and we ended up going to a bar. It was busier than usual, and I thought it’d affect the night. But everything was smooth, and I was happy he looked just as attractive in person.
But this moment stood out to me:
When it was time to go, he asked for the check. I didn’t reach for my wallet; I never do. But I don’t mind splitting. And before yall get onto me about not reaching for my wallet, why would I intentionally create an awkward moment? If asked, I oblige. I think that’s the way to go. As a sub bottom at least 🙃😂 jk, not really.
Anyway, my date would pull out his card and tap the machine. But then when it came time to tip, he gave the machine to me and confessed that I should do this part because he was unsure what to tip and that he’s “never good at calculating this type of thing.”
I was confused for half a second, but the other part of me was impressed that he let me choose the tip; I chose 20%, raising the bill by $20. We had 3 drinks, two for ourselves, and one shared— although he got the third for me because I said it looked cool. Not that I wanted him to get it for me, I hadn’t finished my first drink. Still, the gesture was nice.
He didn’t say anything about the final total, just passed the machine back to the waiter.
I don’t know why, but that moment really turned me on lol
He’s Caribbean, and very smart. But he seems to have that “this isn’t a man’s job” attitude about him, especially when handing over the machine. I’m sure society will tell me not to like this, but I didn’t mind.
It reminds me of my parents. My dad would pay, but he didn’t care about the details. It wasn’t his “job,” rather it was my mom’s job to make sure that we left the store with everything we needed.
Anyway, we kissed (his lips were so soft), and then parted ways. Definitely seeing him again, and he’s been (reasonably) blowing up my phone since we left each other.
I don’t want to get too excited though. Let’s see how this plays out.

I am planning on post a google review on my LBS which I have had a bad experience at. Intent isn’t to scold them but to make a public review so others know about my experience and have more information when choosing this LBS over others. However I want to make sure I am not overreacting - perhaps all this is “normal” for a LBS nowadays.
TLDR:
First experience: Had bike fit - seemed to be ok/no issues with this experience. They needed to cut/rebleed new brake line and brake line was not run under handlebar groove to keep flush when I picked it up so had to undo/redo myself
Second experience: Needed seat post clamp and they charged me $20 for a $13 clamp. Also had them take a look at shifting and got charged $30 for hanger alignment and after rinding one block I knew this didn’t solve issue so turned around. They talked to me like I probably had no idea what was going on (explained what a hanger was to me, indexing, etc) and told me to call back and schedule an appt since they were closing for the day.
Longer Version: Bit of background on the shop - they mainly do bike fits but do offer service as well. There main business is getting you in for a bike fit and then helping you order a custom geo bike. I decided to go here for a bike fit last year.
First experience: Bike fit seemed fine (never had one before so can’t compare). It was very basic and took 20min with some measurements but I did feel a lot better. The guy seemed nice / knowledgeable enough. I did decide to swap handlebars for larger size and wanted to upgrade to carbon so we picked one out. The brake line was too short so it needed a new one and re-bleed. I have done this myself but decided to just let them do it as they said it would be done next day. Come back and pick it up and bring it home and notice they didn’t put the brake line into one of the grooves under the handlebar which keeps the line flush with the bar. Just felt a bit messy so I had to undo and redo tape myself. Total for this was $150 bike fit, $350 bar (Enve), and $40 for bleed. I would say 4/5 star as fit was good but the tape job was below average given they missed the flush brake line.
Second experience: Seatpost clamp broke so I go to my local Specialized shop and try to get a new one. The service guy there moves mountains trying to look for an old clamp to give me to get me home but just can’t find it so calls on a local shop to see if they have it. They do. It’s the same shop I went to get my bike fit at. So I head there and the guy says yes we have the clamp and ask if I know my saddle height. I say yes because you gave me a bike fit! He says something like “oh great you don’t need to go to Specialized then you can just come here”. So I am thinking sweet this dude is just going to give me clamp for free. Anyway he finds a clamp, puts it on, and I am saying thank you and he tells me I can take it for a spin to make sure it holds. Before that he also just goes that will be $20. And I honestly think he is joking but go oh ok let me take it for a spin quick and make sure its holding and then I will come back and he goes “why don’t you pay first”. Whatever, so I pay $20, take a lap and it is indeed holding so it’s fine. [I go home and look up this seatpost and it’s a generic Orbea one that is $13 on multiple websites….] Well my shifting was a bit funky all day too and I am taking a three day trip tmrw so I figure what the heck I will have them look at it. So I come back to the shop say clamp is working fine but wondering if you can take a look at my shifting - I can’t seem to dial it in. Now I have been riding bikes for over a decade and been wrenching my own for a lot of that. I know my way around a bike and certainly all the basics - indexing, RD adj, hanger alignment, etc. For whatever reason I could not dial in my old 105 shifting and wanted to see if they could help. So they put it in the stand and tell me my hanger is slightly bent. Then they start explaining to me what a hanger is….and honestly start to mansplain me (I am a male fwiw). I think they were just trying to be nice but not sure if it was old aluminum bike, the stickers on it, or the T shirt I was wearing but they definitely thought I didn’t know anything about bikes which is very frustrating. So they “fix” the hanger and its takes no more than 2min and I am ready to walk out the door and he goes “That will be $30”. Seemed pretty steep but w/e. I pay and start going back. I make it a block and the shifting might actually be worse lol so I immediately turn back around and say yea that didn’t fix anything and they put it in the stand again and then start teaching me about indexing……I am pretty fed up at this point and they try to tweak a few things, oil the chain (which pissed me off cuz I waxed it…), and then say its shifting ok in stand so if its still an issue schedule an appt for next week and we can do a deeper dive. Honestly thought they were going to charge me again…..but they let me walk out this time.
Did all this feel reasonable? The botched tape job, charging $20 for a $13 seat post clamp, and $30 for a quick hanger alignment that did not fix the issue? I was a bit bummed by the amount of money I have spent here and they were not willing to help me out. Seemed they were more interested in the transaction than relationship. Would I be overreacting by writing a say 3 star google review on this? Idk the whole situation was very off putting but don’t want to call out a local business if all this seemed reasonable.

"Experience the vibrant streets of Delhi on two wheels with our convenient Rent Bike service.
Explore the rich cultural heritage, bustling markets, and iconic landmarks of India's capital city at your own pace.
Our fleet of well-maintained bikes offers you the freedom to navigate Delhi's bustling streets with ease. Whether you're a solo traveler, a group of friends, or a family looking for an adventurous way to explore the city, we have the perfect bike for you.
From classic city bikes for leisurely rides to sturdy mountain bikes for tackling Delhi's diverse terrain, we cater to all preferences and skill levels. Safety is our top priority, and our bikes undergo regular maintenance to ensure a smooth and secure riding experience.
Conveniently located pickup and drop-off points make renting a bike with us hassle-free. Our friendly and knowledgeable staff are on hand to provide you with route suggestions, insider tips, and any assistance you may need to make the most of your biking adventure in Delhi.
So, ditch the traffic jams and crowded public transport, and embark on a memorable journey through Delhi's streets on one of our Rent Bikes. Get ready to discover the city's hidden gems and create unforgettable memories on two wheels."

I am planning on post a google review on my LBS which I have had a bad experience at. Intent isn’t to scold them but to make a public review so others know about my experience and have more information when choosing this LBS over others. However I want to make sure I am not overreacting - perhaps all this is “normal” for a LBS nowadays.
TLDR:
First experience: Had bike fit - seemed to be ok/no issues with this experience. They needed to cut/rebleed new brake line and brake line was not run under handlebar groove to keep flush when I picked it up so had to undo/redo myself
Second experience: Needed seat post clamp and they charged me $20 for a $13 clamp. Also had them take a look at shifting and got charged $30 for hanger alignment and after rinding one block I knew this didn’t solve issue so turned around. They talked to me like I probably had no idea what was going on (explained what a hanger was to me, indexing, etc) and told me to call back and schedule an appt since they were closing for the day.
Longer Version: Bit of background on the shop - they mainly do bike fits but do offer service as well. There main business is getting you in for a bike fit and then helping you order a custom geo bike. I decided to go here for a bike fit last year.
First experience: Bike fit seemed fine (never had one before so can’t compare). It was very basic and took 20min with some measurements but I did feel a lot better. The guy seemed nice / knowledgeable enough. I did decide to swap handlebars for larger size and wanted to upgrade to carbon so we picked one out. The brake line was too short so it needed a new one and re-bleed. I have done this myself but decided to just let them do it as they said it would be done next day. Come back and pick it up and bring it home and notice they didn’t put the brake line into one of the grooves under the handlebar which keeps the line flush with the bar. Just felt a bit messy so I had to undo and redo tape myself. Total for this was $150 bike fit, $350 bar (Enve), and $40 for bleed. I would say 4/5 star as fit was good but the tape job was below average given they missed the flush brake line.
Second experience: Seatpost clamp broke so I go to my local Specialized shop and try to get a new one. The service guy there moves mountains trying to look for an old clamp to give me to get me home but just can’t find it so calls on a local shop to see if they have it. They do. It’s the same shop I went to get my bike fit at. So I head there and the guy says yes we have the clamp and ask if I know my saddle height. I say yes because you gave me a bike fit! He says something like “oh great you don’t need to go to Specialized then you can just come here”. So I am thinking sweet this dude is just going to give me clamp for free. Anyway he finds a clamp, puts it on, and I am saying thank you and he tells me I can take it for a spin to make sure it holds. Before that he also just goes that will be $20. And I honestly think he is joking but go oh ok let me take it for a spin quick and make sure its holding and then I will come back and he goes “why don’t you pay first”. Whatever, so I pay $20, take a lap and it is indeed holding so it’s fine. [I go home and look up this seatpost and it’s a generic Orbea one that is $13 on multiple websites….] Well my shifting was a bit funky all day too and I am taking a three day trip tmrw so I figure what the heck I will have them look at it. So I come back to the shop say clamp is working fine but wondering if you can take a look at my shifting - I can’t seem to dial it in. Now I have been riding bikes for over a decade and been wrenching my own for a lot of that. I know my way around a bike and certainly all the basics - indexing, RD adj, hanger alignment, etc. For whatever reason I could not dial in my old 105 shifting and wanted to see if they could help. So they put it in the stand and tell me my hanger is slightly bent. Then they start explaining to me what a hanger is….and honestly start to mansplain me (I am a male fwiw). I think they were just trying to be nice but not sure if it was old aluminum bike, the stickers on it, or the T shirt I was wearing but they definitely thought I didn’t know anything about bikes which is very frustrating. So they “fix” the hanger and its takes no more than 2min and I am ready to walk out the door and he goes “That will be $30”. Seemed pretty steep but w/e. I pay and start going back. I make it a block and the shifting might actually be worse lol so I immediately turn back around and say yea that didn’t fix anything and they put it in the stand again and then start teaching me about indexing……I am pretty fed up at this point and they try to tweak a few things, oil the chain (which pissed me off cuz I waxed it…), and then say its shifting ok in stand so if its still an issue schedule an appt for next week and we can do a deeper dive. Honestly thought they were going to charge me again…..but they let me walk out this time.
Did all this feel reasonable? The botched tape job, charging $20 for a $13 seat post clamp, and $30 for a quick hanger alignment that did not fix the issue? I was a bit bummed by the amount of money I have spent here and they were not willing to help me out. Seemed they were more interested in the transaction than relationship. Would I be overreacting by writing a say 3 star google review on this? Idk the whole situation was very off putting but don’t want to call out a local business if all this seemed reasonable.

This is an update to my existing post with updated move-in dates (https://www.reddit.com/bostonhousing/comments/1co5ckf/1bd1ba\_brigham\_circle\_entire\_apartment\_sublet/)
Hi everyone, I am a graduate student at Northeastern and will be moving to California for a full-time job. I am looking to sublet my entire 1b/1b apartment. It is very accessible through public transport and there is a bus and T-stop (Green Line E) right below the apartment. Please find the details below and DM for more information. We can set up a video call and I can give a tour of the apartment. Thanks.
Details:
Availability: June 1st to August 28th
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRuBFeJlIQc
Commute: Bus and T-stop below apartment (Green Line E)
2 min walk to Stop and Shop, Walgreens, 7 Eleven
2 min walk to Santander and Citizen Bank
2 min walk to Citgo, Walk and Talk
5 min walk to UPS Store
Rent: $1550/month + electricity (usually $40 per month)

My boyfriend has smoked cigarettes off and on now for a handful of years. In the past, he usually smokes when in times of high stress. He has told me he wants to and has quit for periods of time, telling me that he has thrown out packs of cigarettes. We live in a small village, where smoking is pretty much the norm.
He recently started a new job, and he joked to me how he couldn’t wait to start and smoke cigarettes and weed every day like all the people at his place of work do. He confirmed to me that he wanted to quit again upon starting the high stress job, and that he wanted to make better life choices, start working out, etc.
Flash forward a couple of weeks later, he is smoking multiple times daily, something I’ve never known him to do. I’ve texted him my thoughts, even trying to be not judgemental but talking about his plans for the future and how I recognize that it’s ultimately his decision.
He tells me that “science is always changing and they’ll probably tell us in 10 years that smoking is good for you” and “I believe when it’s our time to go it’s our time to go” (about how I fear anything happening to his health). He has told me he doesn’t need to be micromanaged, and that he can stop smoking any time he wants, so if he wants to enjoy a cigarette occasionally he is going to. I know I can’t control him nor do I want to, but I’ve been so emotional as I’m watching him form an addiction, yet there’s nothing I can really do.
I try texting him, just asking whether he plans to continue or if he’s consciously going to try and stop/reduce the amount he smokes ever, just so that I can try and either cope with him not stopping or whether I can be there for him and support him in quitting. He ignores my texts.
Smoking is everywhere. Movies, songs, my colleagues, my family members who died due to smoking related illnesses (which he asked me “how do you know that it was the smoking that did this to them?”). He leaves cigarette butts in his car to not put them in the parking lot at work as it’s a no smoking premises. He always usually tries to keep his car squeaky clean, but not in the past few weeks.
How can I support him? I know it’s his battle. But I’m in a relationship with him. It’s eating at me every minute of the day. Maybe I equate smoking cigarettes with illness, addiction, and harmful vices, but I’d like to think I have good intentions.

I feel really alone in this because the main experience I see represented online when other women talk about being autistic is a late/self diagnosed woman who is so distinctly aware of the ways in which she's different from other people that, if she did get a professional diagnosis, she did so by showing up with an entire self-written binder of abnormal experiences and behaviours. I was diagnosed at age 13 and took almost 10 years to stop being in denial about my diagnosis, which I thought was a turning point where I'd gained self awareness.
I was talking to my therapist about my stressful weekend and that my stress built up enough to do a self-injurous stim (hitting myself in the sternum) in public, long/hard enough that it still feels bruised 2 days later which usually does not happen. I said I'm worried that my anxiety is getting that high and also ashamed because I know you're not supposed to do things like that in public. Then she asked how many people were there and if anyone saw.
It's really stupid but I do not connect "I am ashamed of this because you're not supposed to do it in public" and "when you do this in public other people notice it". I honestly hadn't really thought about it but after being asked about it, it's obviously not a subtle thing. I also stim in public a lot and assume people don't notice because I don't notice people staring, even though I have occassionally noticed people doing the exact same thing as me and it is very clear that it stands out. I am almost always wearing headphones and I told my partner I just assume it looks like I'm tapping along to a beat but he said it's really clear that I'm not and that I am visibly very anxious.
I wanted to sink into the ground during that conversation but it also stressed me out a lot so very shortly after I was flapping my hands in public again. I want to say I don't know what's wrong with me but I do, obviously autism is, but I don't know why I'm so bad at masking and have such poor self-awareness when other women see those things as cornerstones to their experience with being autistic. It's not like I'm too carefree to think about what others think of me (to the contrary, I'm extremely anxious all of the time including about what others think) and it's not like I haven't had my oddness pointed out to me before in a variety of ways and by many, many different people. It just somehow does not sink in enough for anything to change. I am not unintelligent, I did really well in school for as long as I was able to keep going, I am absolutely capable of learning new things. I don't know why this is so different and I feel really inferior.