My (29F) brother (26M) has no clear direction in life. He has blown through 4 college programs and has not completed any of them. If he lived in any other family, he would have racked up so much debt for education he is not using.
My brother works at a coffee shop making minimum wage, under 40 hours per week. He has been there for nearly 10 years. He has ADHD and is likely on the spectrum. Since childhood, he has always exhibited social difficulties, challenges with relationships, social awkwardness, social anxiety and vocal/body stimming. If he is not working, he is in his room gaming. It has been like this for years. He has no social life, no friends, no desire to get his driver’s licence, and no goals for himself. He is oblivious to his future and what it looks like. I have tried writing him a resume so he can look for an entry level jobs that only require a high school education. Getting relevant information is like pulling teeth. I keep asking him about some community work he did in his early twenties and he keeps saying he’ll send it over to me but he doesn’t.
My parents, who have been divorced since I was 10, should have sat down to talk about my brother years ago. But now shit is hitting the fan. My mom and stepdad are currently working with a contracting company to build a house that they will retire in. My stepdad does not want his stepson, my brother, to move in with them. He believes that if he moves in with them, my brother will never leave. This has brought up fights and talks about them breaking up. They have been together for over a decade.
We don’t see much of my dad, maybe birthdays and holidays, and I’m usually the one to reach out to him. He drives to our area all the time for his extracurriculars, but doesn’t really ask to see us. I don’t think he sees the gravity of my brother’s situation because he hardly asks how we’re doing. He cares much for the fun things in his life, and I guess considering my brother does the same, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
I’m planning on moving out in early September with my boyfriend, at least that is the goal. I have already lived on my own for most of the pandemic. I moved back in late September 2023 because my ex left and I was in financial constraints due to a family member needing to borrow money.
I hate writing all this, but I am at an utter loss. I’ve watched both parents, with their own families, take on the burden of being the glue that holds everything together. I feel like that cycle is moving onto me as I overheard my stepdad suggest that my brother lives with me. I don’t know what he expects me to do. I have made suggestions to my dad about how to handle things, and it doesn’t get taken seriously. I feel like I have to be the bad guy and give them a harsh, overdue reality check.
I made a similar post about a year ago and had to delete it. So many people called my brother useless. Despite my frustrations, I still love my brother dearly. But I lose sleep over this. Is there even anything I can do?

No good deed goes unpunished
So I moved into a house about 2 months ago and did not have a lawn mower for a month of that time. My yard was about 3 feet tall of weeds and so was my neighbors. When I got my first ever brand new lawn mower I took care of my yard and also took care of my neighbors, because I wanted to be a good neighbor I turned down the offer of money and beer simply because the act of being nice was repayment enough. I noticed they had a steel cable about 1/2 thick in their yard it was a bike lock. I tried to pull it out but was unable to. Now mind you the grass/weeds where really really tall 3 feet no joke.
I was mowing my yard yesterday and the same neighbor whos lawn I mowed came over and asked to borrow my BRAND new mower. I told him I would gladly do it one more time for him.. But he said he rather do it himself.. I thought no big deal. I was working on building a fence while he was mowing and I heard a loud noise then the mower stopped. It started up again a few seconds later.. I told him to just leave the mower in front of my garage and it looked like the pic when he returned it.
I saw him after he was done mowing and he didn't say a thing. Then I notice the steel cable in the yard no longer in the ground.. This SOB had his head in the sand and just blindly ran the damn thing over. And there is NO WAY he didn't notice it. It stopped the mower and the damage is plain as day I noticed it the second I looked at the mower.. He is a renter and will be staying in the house for the next year so I don't want to cause any petty issues..
what would you all do?
My plan is ts simply tell him " your yard is too hard on mowers" next time he asks to borrow it.
https://preview.redd.it/osvkmjfbyb0d1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c84be6c1d22712c1c0fa9d322199cc2fbcf8705b

Alright, so you’re earning an X amount of money every month and you want to know if you can afford that dream house of yours? Well, calculating affordability only based on income is a job half done, hence here’s a piece on how to accurately calculate the affordability of a house.
But, since we’re here, let’s dance!

Total Income

Okay, first things first. You need to calculate how much is your total family income. Include all income sources here like taking weekend classes, any kind of freelance jobs, or income from second jobs as well. If your spouse is earning or a parent as well, then include that. Basically, all the people who are going to be invested in the new house.

Total Expenses

Now, minus the total expenditure. This should include any existing EMIs, insurance premiums, SIPs (that you can’t stop), grocery expenses, education expenditure, et al. All of those things that take money away from you, should be included here. Another aspect that you need to consider is your Future Expenses. Maybe your kid wants to go to Stanford or you feel like you should own an MG Hector because your colleague thinks that a new house deserves a new car. Does a parent need to undergo major surgery, or is one of your kids getting married within the next 2 years? What if there’s damage due to natural disaster, vehicle damage, job loss and God knows what can happen. What if a deadly virus breaks out, locks down an entire country, and crashes the economy! Would you be able to sustain yourself given that you would have an additional liability of monthly EMIs? Therefore, remember to have a Safety Net where you park money for your emergencies and unavoidable expenses. A general rule of thumb says to have at least 6 months of total expenses as a safety net amount. Apart from this, also have about 1% of the gross house price for emergency house repairs, maintenance, and enhancements.

Let’s suppose the following

Net family income – Rs. 50,000
Total Monthly Expenses – Rs. Rs. 20,000
Net cash in hand – Rs. 30,000
Now, you’re ready and you know how much EMI you can afford to pay.
Suppose you can afford to pay Rs.26,000 (approx.) EMI per month @ 8.5%. How much money can you afford to borrow? Rs.30,00,000!
Okay, let’s say you’re going to be borrowing 80% of the total house cost. So, 30,00,000 is 80% of which number? Rs.37,50,000 (Borrowed amount ÷ 80%). That’s the maximum value of the house that you can afford. And hey, don’t be flattered by my math skills here. I’ll be honest. I used this nifty EMI calculator to get all the answers. Just one disclaimer here – I’ve assumed loan tenure to be of 20 years because that’s the usual tenure that most people go for. But you can change that as well.

So my boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for about 3 months now, talking/flirting more for about 5, known each other for 7-8 years (not that well though). We live in different countries, so we’ve only seen each other a handful of times over the weekends.
The whole thing hasn’t been easy in general, but what I keep having doubts about is his friend (a woman). On one hand we’re adults and you’d expect someone this age to have these things figured out, and he claims he does, so I wasn’t jealous at all at first, but then pretty much everything he told me or did just kept making me doubt that.
Before we were really together (but flirting a lot) she apparently had some money issues he only found out about through their mutual friend and so he offered her to stay at his place. It wasn’t the first time, as it turns out, and he really went out of his way to help her even though she didn’t even tell him she needed help. He also didn’t ask my opinion about it at all, but I chalked it up to us not really being together yet, so it’s not like he had any obligation to.
But then, he didn’t even mention it when she moved in. He never talked about her being there and when I asked, he would say that “she’s not relevant to us”. He has no trouble talking about his other friends though. I got insecure at some point because of his complaints about some things about me and asked him point blank why not be with her then (because he never really said anything bad when it comes to her) - which I know is a terrible question - but his biggest reason was that she’s… too tall. He also said that they’re not that good of friends and he doesn’t really get anything out of this friendship other than feeling good about himself that he’s helping her.
He didn’t really ask her how long she would be staying at his place and I told him I wouldn’t visit when she’s there because it would be too weird (it’s just 1 bedroom + a living room, she’s sleeping on the couch there). He kept asking when I would visit anyway and I kept telling him that it would be when she moves out and to let me know when that might be. He didn’t ask her about that for a couple of months anyway, just kept pressuring me to visit anyway because she could just go somewhere else for those couple of days (it’s what she offered, as far as I understood, not that he asked her).
At some point I asked him if maybe some weekend he could stay a day longer here with me and his reply was that sure, “the only thing is that I would keep [friend] here longer then”. I got really annoyed at that but he claimed he didn’t mean the “keep” part, it’s just his “bad” English (not the first language for either of us). After that he said he asked her - but didn’t really ask about moving out, just what her plans are. She told him she was going home for a week and then would start looking for a new place, but again, no deadline or anything, he just said that hopefully she’d be gone by the end of the month.
The week she was away, things between us were really good. The day she was coming back the vibe was off, and in the evening we were supposed to have a “date”, watching the same tv series at the same time in our homes, because he was always saying how important spending time together is for him, and the week before he even said how happy he is that we are making time for each other. In between episodes I asked him if he wants to take a break to say hi since she was supposed to be back at that time, he said she already was back, I told him jokingly to stop being weird about it because I’m not going to be jealous for no reason but it’s strange when he pretends like she doesn’t exist… He said I’m right, talked to her a bit, came back. All good. But then it turned out he was with her in the living room the entire time during our “date”. He said it’s because he only had the account logged in there (borrowing someone else’s), so it makes total sense, but I told him that after all those stories about how important spending time together is for him, it’s not very nice that he was kind of actually spending time with her, not me, because she was there physically, on the same couch, and the least he could’ve done would be to tell me about it beforehand. But according to him it’s not like that and I’m misunderstanding him.
He did say several times that he’s not attracted to her and she’s just a friend, but every time I try to explain that the things he does make me think otherwise, he blames me for not trusting him. I’ve been trying to make him understand that even if there really is nothing there for him, the things he does make me think otherwise, but according to him it’s just me overthinking, he claims he never meant anything wrong, so it’s not his fault, and it’s actually me hurting him by not believing him.
At this point I honestly have no idea if I’m wrong and reading too much into his actions, and should just believe the intentions over everything else. I’ve been trying to, but every time something happens, I feel worse and worse about it, and it bothers me that he didn’t really do anything to show that what he’s saying is true. But then again, maybe I’m expecting too much? After all he’s been reassuring me that there’s nothing between them. Why does it feel though like what he’s doing doesn’t really match those words? Is it just my overthinking? I’m honestly starting to feel like I’m going crazy… If it really is just my insecurity, how do I stop those feelings?

I am set on stopping my people pleasing attitudes, and one of the things I have set a goal on doing is setting boundaries with people, especially with people I love, because there is where I find it the hardest. Well, yesterday the person that cleans my house, with whom I have a good relationship (I wouldn’t say they are a super close friend, but we don’t have just a employer-employee relationship, we care about each other and we support each other emotionally), texted me and asked me to lend her 500€. I immediately felt a sense of dread when I read that message, because I immediately knew that was a line I didn’t want to cross. I have had bad experiences in the past, where someone borrowed more than 4k€ from me and never gave it back. Of course, they are not that person and I don’t necessarily have to have the same experience with them, but I firmly believe that is a boundary I don’t want to be crossed, and I don’t want to introduce that dynamic in our relationship. So I told them no. Later on I was feeling extremely guilty (even though I knew I didn’t want to do it) and I told a friend about it, and I honestly didn’t feel supported at all. She focused on the fact that she would have lent them the money, and I told her that was not the point, the point was that I was feeling like a terrible person for not doing something I don’t want to do. She tried to reassure me that she didn’t think I was a bad person, but that didn’t comfort me. I had a terrible night sleep and haven’t eaten anything for 2 days now. Trying to stop people pleasing is hard.

Readers, don’t grill me for this. But a long time friend borrowed my cheques for his apartment. I trusted him because I knew him from since our home country, and we share the same friends.. He is quite a known figure in his field not that it matters but he has a golden visa. I mean who wouldn’t trust a person like that, right?
Anyway, I gave him 12 post dated cheques. After 4months of regularly sending me the money. He stopped last month. He said he can’t pay it anymore and he is moving out.
The cheque for April bounced cause the account didn’t have balance. I was very mad at him and after few exchanges, he sent me the money for the bounced cheque plus its penalty of 500. I immediately gave it to the landlord.
The landlord is now charging me more for apartment damages of 400aed, and 1 month rent for breaking contract.
He was already notified of the move out and he even checked the apartment already.
But he deposited another rent for May. And now there is another bounced cheque in my account. What can I do?

What can I, as a 15 year old, do to earn money? I need around 2 lakh to afford a road bike. My dad bought me one for 25k a few months ago, but then I started racing competitively, and my improvement was unprecedented. Currently I race on a borrowed bike, with great results (3rd place, 50km race). Now this bike is going to be around for only a few weeks, after which im stuck with my personal bike, which is almost twice as heavy as my competitors bikes, and has 7 speeds, which means I can't climb with it, or descend fast enough. Even my mentor has asked me to get a new bike. I train with my current bike, and hes surprised I can keep up with the other guys even at such a massive disadvantage.
My dad wont get me a new bike, considering how recent my last bike purchase was.
I could really use your suggestions guys. Riding means a lot to me, and its one of the few things I'm decent at. Thanks.

My ex gf (32F) and I (35M) broke up after 9 total years. Have I just made a huge mistake?
My ex gf (32F) and I (35M) broke up after 9 years. Have I made a giant mistake as result of my circumstances?
We were together 6 years. First year or two was all gravy. Then we started having fights and it got so bad at year 6 we split up. A year later we started hanging out lightly again and fell back in love. She moved back in. Things went well again for a while. 6 months ago or so things started to get bad again. We agreed to pursue couples counseling. This wasn’t very effective unfortunately, which has added to the hurt if that makes sense.
When we fight (or fought), and I’m sort of ashamed to admit this, it bleeds into other areas of my life. Jobs were impacted. I felt like I didn’t have the energy to give due to the stress from constant arguing and intense arguing. My family relationships were sort of impacted because of the stress and constantly trying to seek out advice. Same with some friendships. I’ve had certain friends and folks that have wanted us to see it end for years. “But hey what do they know? We know the situation best.”
The truth is this person IS one of the few people on this planet that I feel genuinely cared about me aside from family, and the ONLY girl I’ve ever met who showed the kind of care and interest in me as she did. But we always seemed to be struggling to meet each other’s needs. For years there was a theme of her feeling unappreciated and unloved. For me, we didn’t go out and enjoy life enough. We rarely or very infrequently interacted with each other’s families. This frustrated me moreso vs her. Lots of my family is very local to me.
Look, I am not perfect and I am far from it. I’ve been unemployed for a year. But I did use my CC and my retirement funds to pay my way. I never borrowed money and she was very supportive and “cool” with my not working while I contemplated the next career step. I had a bad ending with my last company where I had lost both my grandfathers very close to each other, one of them to a self inflicted gunshot wound. It def effected me.
Anyways, two months ago I started putting two honest feet forward. I started applying to jobs. I’ve been exercising and have lost 10lbs in the last month alone, and down from 253 to 235 this year. I took on individual therapy a month ago even though I cannot afford it. Mostly to help get past prior work frustrations.
And then one day two weeks ago shit hit the fan with our relationship. Her feeling unappreciated and unloved for years and years culminated. She said she was done with couples counseling and I needed to fully focus on individual. This upset me. Things escalated, and we broke up.
I feel quit on. And betrayed. But I also feel past mistakes with work etc snowballed and she grew tired of insecurities I was expressing and complaining about regarding comparing to my working successful peers. In her words, she no longer knew how to offer support and felt unappreciated and unloved.
One thing that bugged me is we agreed to pursue individual therapy together at the recommendation of our couples counselor. She never got around to it. She blamed “delays in the Kaiser network.”
I feel I have pushed away and cut out someone special in my life. I am sad/numb. I fear this is just culmination of my mistakes and she grew tired of a “loser.”
What happened? Did I simply mess up?
TLDR: 9 year relationship ended. We tried counseling. We both felt our needs werent met constantly to where counseling wasnt effective. She has a good heart. Feel like she genuinely cared about me but it seemed hard so often to go out casually or spend time with each other’s families. She felt unappreciated and unloved, I felt betrayed when after acknowledging I needed to move forward in my life with career and fixing our relationship and putting two honest feet forward for the last 2 months and she quit when things escalated one day and we both felt wronged. Hard letting go. Feeling like I screwed up and this is all my fault and I just kind of suck at life?

I’m 18m and over the course of the last 4 months, every single one of my 3 best friends stopped talking to me for different reasons. It’s hard to think I’m not the problem. I don’t have anyone to talk to anymore, play video games with, smoke with, hang out all night or someone to look forward to working with anymore because of random shit that I’ve done that I didn’t think were that bad. First was k. K and I stopped talking on the day after my birthday. Basically k I had known the least amount of time, just short of two years at the time after I met him when I started working. He quickly became my best friend I’ve ever had. We both had very similar very irregular sleep schedules,and liked the same stuff like video games, smoking, and hanging out at all the odd hours of the night and also had very similar senses of humor. So on my b day he had slept over the night before because he brought me home from work and didn’t wanna drive home so late, we didn’t do anything we both just went to bed and I went to school in the morning, he’s already graduated so he just chilled at my house. He got me after school and we chilled for like 2 hours before he left because he had a piercing appointment. He decided to come back a few hours later unexpectedly and it was rly excited to have him chill on my b day. But then randomly like an hour in he’s like dude I gotta go I’m sorry because his gf was freaking out that he wasn’t hanging out with her yet. They had plans to just hang out after she was out of work but I was like “dude it’s my b day she can’t like, reschedule or just wait a few” but she was firm and he left. Me and her were friends but I was mad so I texted her being just upset that she mad him leave and she started freaking out and we argued for a bit. The next day while I was working K texted me freaking out for texting her and such. I found out prior he wasn’t as mad about that but more mad about me constantly having to be right about everything and that just set him off. He still hasn’t shown any interest in talking to me again and it’s killing me. Then my friend A about a month or two later had some dumb little fight about something unimportant with me and he blocked me like he always does whenever he gets mad at me. Ive been friends with him for like 6 years and we always have stupid little fights about shit like him lying or ditching me for someone or stuff like just little disagreements that get blown out of proportion. I basically decided this time that waiting for him to get over it was not worth it and I’m not wasting my time waiting for him to forgive me for things that or more or less not my fault most of the time so I blocked him back this time and made the choice myself to drop him. It was hard but we clearly weren’t great together if we always argue so I just said it’s for the better. This led to W tho. About 2-3 weeks ago W stopped talking to me over a disagreement with A. Although I was done with A I went to go use my phone controller thing for a game called a back bone, it’s like 100 bucks and when I was looking for it I realized I had let A borrow it. Me, A, and W were part of our little group and usually did most things as a group. Since I had stopped talking to A, we obviously didn’t anymore and we both just talked to W separate. I basically asked W and our other mutual friend who I knew was actually with A at the time to tell him I wanted it back. W didn’t answer for a bit but the other friend did and said that “he said he’ll give it back if you give him the cards against humanity games”. I have like 4 $20 sets for cah that I had purchased throughout the years for our sleepovers. Since I bought them I told him through our mutual,” no, those are my cards. That I bought with my money. I’m not giving him my stuff to get my stuff back. I ain’t playing these games so tell him he either gives it back or imma beat him up.” Mind you the last fight I was ever in was when I was like 12 but I was just using scare tactics because it’s what works, I’m huge he’s small I was using what I had to get my shit back. W finally answered and got a different answer saying that he didn’t know where it was so I said then he owes 100 bucks. W was telling me I make plenty of money and to just let it go and I said no. He heard that I threatened him and that was basically it. He called me a bully and stopped talking. And that’s it. I have no friends now. I feel like I can’t not mess up. If I break my bong then I’d rly have no friends so I better not fuck him up too.

I only meant to turn on options for my account, but it also turned on borrowing on margin and now I have a situation I don’t understand.
I purchased stock with my cash that has yet to come through due to an EFT, but the amount was tradeable. ( The transaction was done before borrowing on margin was turned on) and also, transferred cash from one Fidelity account to another(this was after borrowing on margin was turned on) and Fidelity’s showing half of my money as, “ cash and browing on margin.” And the other half “cash only”
I planned to execute trades at market open but don’t want to incur interest charges! How and why in the world would my own cash be considered borrowing on margin?! >:(
Edit: I turned on margin debt protection, and did the math and it seems the amount from the unsettled EFT was deducted from the amount I transferred from another Fidelity account. This gives me my available to trade amount.
I still don’t understand why this would be, is it because my investment closed slightly lower than my buy and that investment was purchased with money from an unsettled EFT?

**What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.**

I am finally building my first gaming pc, After saving for a few months I almost made enough money, I already got a whole setup and only the pc is missing, I want to play a wide variery of games at a resolution of 3440x1440p & 165hz, Games I will play will vary from minecraft with far horizon, Till dcs and everything in between. Also might add some VR games and start some blender in the future

**What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?**

Aiming for 1200 euros, But can borrow some money and hit 1300 perhaps

**When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.**

within next two weeks, When I receive my salary

**What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc\)**

I only need the tower, I already got everything besides

**Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?**

Netherlands and we no such thing as a microcenter, Which is a shame

**If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.**

A ultrawide monitor with 3440x1440p resolution and 165 refresh rate

**Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?**

No, Would be a waste of lifespan of the components for minor improvements

**Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)**

Not necessesairly, Prefer AMD>Intel

**Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?**

Would like atx build, with no specific case preference

**Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?**

No

**Extra info or particulars:**

Want the best bang for the buck

**What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.**

I am finally building my first gaming pc, After saving for a few months I almost made enough money, I already got a whole setup and only the pc is missing, I want to play a wide variery of games at a resolution of 3440x1440p & 165hz, Games I will play will vary from minecraft with far horizon, Till dcs and everything in between. Also might add some VR games and start some blender in the future

**What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?**

Aiming for 1200 euros, But can borrow some money and hit 1300 perhaps

**When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.**

within next two weeks, When I receive my salary

**What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc\)**

I only need the tower, I already got everything besides

**Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?**

Netherlands and we no such thing as a microcenter, Which is a shame

**If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.**

A ultrawide monitor with 3440x1440p resolution and 165 refresh rate

**Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?**

No, Would be a waste of lifespan of the components for minor improvements

**Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)**

Not necessesairly, Prefer AMD>Intel

**Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?**

Would like atx build, with no specific case preference

**Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?**

No

**Extra info or particulars:**

Want the best bang for the buck

As the title says, my friend and her family (mum and sister) have been borrowing money continuously back and forth the last couple of years.
They are all struggling financially with managing money, especially with the cost of living, and it'll be to the point where they'll borrow money, return the money and then borrow the following week.
The mum in particular seems to only contact me when she needs money and it is quite hurtful. I have said to her that there's a lot of upcoming things I need to save for and that I can't continue lending, which is a half truth, and advised this would be the last time I can borrow and to only return the money when she can afford it, but I suspect that she will ask to lend more and she specifically has said that I am the only person she can rely on.
There's been points where she'll ask momentarily for money for example to go out somewhere and will guilt trip me into lending money saying she won't be able to go if she hasn't got the money. I have countlessly said that it would be the last time but the last time becomes another last time.
My partner doesn't even know about the recent lending as he was pissed when I kept lending money to all of them and would feel he would immediately tell me to stop.
I grew up in a poor background, so I feel guilty if I don't lend and responsible if I don't lend to them, but I don't feel it's healthy having someone rely on me and feel it's straining my relationship with my friend and her family. I also noticed my credit score has lowered slightly, and i suspect this will be due to lending money back and forth.
Does anyone have any advice on how to break this habit and to encourage them to seek help to manage their money better?

As the title says, but I will go into more depth about how bad the situation is.
For starters, I (F20) and my boyfriend (M21) both work for the same small business. I’ve been there since June 2023, he’s been there since August 2023. Originally the business was located in my hometown, so I moved back down with my BF and we got an appt here in town in Aug ‘23. We didn’t live far originally, but still. Our lease was up at our old place and so we got a new one.
Fast forward to beginning of this year. I’m talking first few days of January, she hits us up and tells us we’re moving the company about 45 minutes away to SATX (added location for state specific laws if there are any). She was going to pay me an extra $6/hr and my bf and extra $7/hr to follow her. We agreed.
Few more months go by and April 4th rolls around. Our payday. I get paid on time no prob. My bfs pay is late, but my boss finally sends it April 9th. Sucks, illegal, but overall wasn’t too bad. Around this time we plan a trip to the beach with my Bf’s sister May 6-9. We just needed to pay her for our cost of splitting the house we were going to stay at. No problem I told her, we will have two paychecks between now and then to pay you with. I even cleared the dates with my boss immediately.
Few days after, my boss asks us if we’d like to work from home. Same pay, same job duties, just don’t have to commute to work anymore. Hindsight, this was the beginning of the end, but hindsight is a bitch and doesn’t matter. Anyways, we agree again.
The weekend of April 19th-21st we were invited to go out of town to visit our friends and celebrate one of their birthdays. Originally, we weren’t going to be able to make it because we worked Fridays and Saturdays; but since we now worked from home we made the trip out there. It’s about 2 hours from home for us. Well i had enough gas in my car to get us up there, and we were supposed to be paid April 19th, no biggie. Except very big biggie because she didn’t pay us then. Or the next day. Or the next. So essentially we were stranded. Luckily our friend lent us gas money to get home. This is the start of our problem.
Over the next week it’s a constant back and forth of her saying she’s going to pay us, and then not paying us. I told her multiple times that we needed to be paid our next paycheck on time because it was going to be used for rent, and to pay for the trip we were taking in a couple weeks. May 2nd rolls around, our next payday, and nothing. She proceeds to ghost us for the weekend.
Luckily, my boyfriend’s sister was extremely understanding and is letting us pay her back whenever we eventually get paid, so we were still able to go to the beach. We were able to borrow some money from our roommate to be able to do some stuff while we were down there. The money lasted us one day. While i was still extremely grateful to be able to go on a vacation, I had plans. I had things i wanted to do, places i wanted to eat, etc. And i was not able to do a good majority because we didn’t have the money we were supposed to.
Which brings us to today May 14th. Utilities were due yesterday. We have not been paid still.
In total, out of about the $3000 she owes us, we have only been paid $850. $850 fucking dollars since APRIL 19th. I’m at my wits end. We’ve filed a wage claim with the Texas Workforce Commission, I was able to get a new job waiting tables but I don’t even start until next Tuesday. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. We don’t have the money to sue her because she hasn’t paid us. We are hungry because we can’t buy groceries. Our main source of food has been eating with my mom, and even then, we have to save the food we get to be able to make more than 1 meal come from it. We have flies in our bathroom attracted to my cats litter box because we have no litter to change it. Please, anything helps.
TLDR; my boss has only paid us $850 out of about $3k since April 19th.

I currently (40M) had my ex (35F) completely destroy our relationship while I was working out of town for a few months. This happened a year ago and wish I had these stories as a resource while going through it. I have just started to use Reddit and been reading the experiences of others here and have decided to share my story in hopes it will maybe help others. That way some good may come from some of the worst times of my life.
A little backstory for context for the story and insight to some of the decisions I made. When I turned 30 I left the major city in my Province (it is like a state if you are an American) because buying just a simple house is over a million dollars and I don't make near enough to afford that. My goal was to move to somewhere more rural to buy a house, meet someone, get married and have a child or two. It was my only dream I had and believed I could attain it. I lived out in the bush on my step dads property in a run down trailer I bought so I could save money for the first 3 years. I had my dog but the loneliness of living in the middle of nowhere had got to me. By then I had saved a fair amount of money, so I decided to move into the town. It was nice, it cut my commute down by 40 minutes, I had started to make a few friends and no longer felt so isolated. It was through my friends I met my future ex. Let's call her Kali. She had a long term boyfriend when we first met. Their relationship ended a couple of years after meeting her and we started dating a few months after.
We mostly had a great relationship for the next 4 years. The only thing was it was on again off again. She would dump me after I did anything really special for her for a week and beg me to take her back. It was like clockwork. I used to think it was because of her depression and that she didn't believe she deserved to be truly happy. Nowadays I actually think she might have been cheating the whole time and just felt guilty about it when I did nice stuff for her but I will never know the truth. I don't care what the reality is anymore anyway, Time has a funny way of making stuff like that irrelevant. We did have one bigger break of about 5 months. When it happened I took time off work to travel in my RV the whole time. From spring to summer. I really didn't like the town I lived in and decided to use that time to check out the rest of my Provence to figure out where I wanted to restart my life. She was basically the only reason I stayed for so long. I did have a decent job and family close by but most people I met there were not good people. Lots of drug users, liars, and general scumbags. I had only a few real friends there. After I got back and had decided where I was going to move to she had decided she wanted me back. She begged me to stay and be with her. She told me that she wanted to get serious. We started making real progress about getting married, having kids and looking at buying a house. Everything was coming up Milhouse and I couldn't be happier. So You can probably guess this is when my tale becomes interesting for you and life got real bad for me.
My career is seasonal. I work from spring to the end of fall and can go on unemployment insurance or find work. My dad had asked if I could help on his farm breeding horses that winter when I had still planned to leave my town. I had promised him that I would because it would give me a place to stay before people in my field of work would be looking for employees. This had been agreed upon before me and Kali had got back together. Now I have always been a man of my word. It's something I take great pride in. I have always hated liars. I don't mind a little embellishment to make a story more fun or if two people's stories are different as long as they both believe that was how the events happened. Everyone remembers things slightly off. She was upset that I had intended to keep my word to my dad but I had every second weekend off. The town my dad is in was only a 2 hour drive. So I told her I would be back twice monthly for weekends and that it would only be for 4 months. For the first two months everything seemed fine. During this time I started to look at rings to pop the question and booked an expensive spa for two days in May to propose. There was only one weird thing that happened during the first two months. On one of my visits she confided in me that her brother's wife had cheated on him and that their newborn baby was most likely not his. I was shocked that she not only knew but didn't plan to tell him. She said she didn't want to tell him for fear of breaking up the family. I told her that he has the right to know and that she was being a bad sister by knowing and not telling him. I also informed her if he found out she knew and didn't say anything that he would most likely kick her out of his life. She made me swear I wouldn't tell him. Even though I thought it was wrong I did agree to not say anything. It did get me wondering how she could not only not tell him but stay friends with someone that could do that to her brother. I think that's when I started to question her morals. The third month she asked that I didn't come out because she was "sick". I told her I didn't care, I could still come out and take care of her. She convinced me that she didn't want me to come so I just worked on the farm instead. I switched weekends so I could come out the next instead of in two weekends. The weekend she was "sick" her phone was off the whole time, lasting into the week. She told me her phone went through the washing machine. She was actually on a bender but I didn't learn that till later.
So I head out the following weekend. As soon as I arrive I start getting super sketchy vibes. I was already weirded out about the stuff with her brother and ghosting me for 4 days as we talked/texted multiple times a day normally. At first she acts great to me, cooks me steak and we go out to the bush to have a fire in the snow. At the fire she really started drinking heavily. She then mentions a guy she had been hanging with lets call him Brad. So alarm bells start going through my head. We go back to her house and she keeps drinking. I wanted to keep a clear head so I only had three beers all evening. She put her phone down unlocked because of how drunk she was and I took it to the bathroom with me to look up texts between them. I felt so guilty for doing it at first but once I see the text between the two of them the guilt is replaced with rage. I go to her room to confront her and she breaks down. First, how dare I go through her phone, this never would have happened if I would have broken my promise to my dad, nothing really happened between them, blah, blah, blah. I was furious and drove off. She blows up my phone the whole time. I don't answer. Ten minutes after I left her mother called me. She lives at her moms house. I took the call and her mom said she is freaking out and has harmed herself. I decide to go back and she has a bandage wrapped around her arm. Her mom hid all the sharp objects she could find. She was having a full on panic attack and begs me to not leave. I told her I would stay if she told me the truth. She admits to hooking up with him one time just that last weekend when she asked me not to come out. It kind of matches the messages and I believe her. I stay there till she falls asleep. Once she does I send Brad a text saying that she has a boyfriend with some screen shots of our conversations me and her have had that week. I was about to drive back to the farm when the dude called her phone. I pick up the call and tell him I am her boyfriend. He asks if that was a joke and I assure him it is not. He said he didn't know and actually apologized. I tell him that I'm pissed but if he didn't know I couldn't blame him. I should have asked him more questions but I was tired, not thinking straight and just wanted to go back to the Farm even though it was two am by this point. I get home and crash. Turned my ringer off because I know once she wakes up she will start calling like crazy. After getting the horses in for the night I decided to look at my phone for the first time all day. Around thirty missed calls and a ton of texts. I decide I need another day before I talk to her. Now while the whole day all I can think about is that it was just one time, she seems to be genuinely remorseful about it, how I'm 39 and really want children before I get too old. I took a call from her the next day on Sunday in the morning. She is still wasted. She hadn't stopped drinking since I was there Friday. We talk and I tell her that I am really upset but am willing to give us another chance. I still was in love with her and wanted to have kids, get married and buy a house with her. It was the dream I felt I worked so hard for. She was so happy I took her back and swore to me nothing like this would ever happen again. Basically I was a fool lol.
So I decided on my next set of days off to borrow my stepdads summer home on the river so we can have the place to ourselves. I grab food that she loves so I can cook her dinner and try to make it very romantic. I want to rekindle my love with her so I wanted to go all out on an amazing weekend. I pick her up and she is already a little drunk. I kind of wanted to hang sober but I don't wanna mess up with her so don't say anything thinking we can do a sober day when I take her out to go shopping and dinner the next day. When we get there she gets hammered. Kali had brought a big of bottle fireball on top of a bunch of white claws. I again didn't really drink that night. Once she was drunk and tired I carried her to the bed. As Kali is in my arms she looks up at me and says in slurred words "I don't know why you even felt threatened by Joe" I ask "what did you just say?". "I don't know why you even felt threatened by Brad" she replied. I put her to bed and my mind starts racing. Now her ex before me has a really close name to the one she said first but I also know she has a friend named Joe I only met a couple of times. They were not close or even hung out but were more like acquaintances. I go in her purse to look at her phone again but the battery is dead and I can't find her charger. I have an Iphone so I can't charge it up to look. I didn't sleep that well that night with everything going on in my head. I woke up at 6 am to her being very loud on the phone. I went out to the living room and she had drank all the booze left over from the night before. I ask her who she was on the phone with and she tells me an uber to leave. I ask why is she going to leave? Kali tells me she is upset that I tried to get into her phone. Guess I didn't put it back in her purse. Must have been out of sorts and forgot. I tell her I can drive her once I go to the washroom and get some clothes on. I go to do that, come out of the washroom to see Kali has already left. She was so drunk that she had left half her stuff behind. I decided to have breakfast before bringing her stuff to her house. After breakfast I packed her stuff into my SUV and noticed it had snowed that night. I could see her footprints out into the driveway. While Dropping off her stuff I noticed there were no footprints leading to her house, so I tried calling Kali. No answer. I left her stuff in the snow and decided to drive by her brothers and sisters house to see if there were footprints going into any of their houses but there were none. I sent her a nasty text about knowing she didn't go home, to go be with Brad or Joe or whoever and never call me again. It was a lot more profane than that but that's the gist of it. Cleaned up the house my stepdad lent me and back off to the farm yet again. The next day she blows up my phone and again I wait another day to talk to her. She tells me that she went home but I know that can't be true from the snow, but she says I must have been mistaken. She apologizes for getting drunk and leavening and that she is going to stop drinking after her birthday in two weeks. She has rented a hotel in the town I'm in for her birthday and wants to spend it with me. I agree just because I have to know the truth and want to look at her phone to make sure I am not crazy. She had gaslit me to the point I was questioning what I saw with my own eyes. A couple of days later I decided to send Joe a message on Facebook to see if he would give me the truth. I get a text from her telling me not to bug her friend and that she is embarrassed. I apologize and tell her I am excited about her birthday soon.
The weekend of her birthday comes so I go to meet her at the hotel. She brought her sister and other friend along. It actually is a really fun time. The girls did coke the first night into the second evening. I don't really like it but I figured she can let loose especially if she is going to stop drinking after her birthday. I also knew by Saturday night that they would all crash hard so it would give me time to look at her phone so I could know the truth. As I mentioned the weekend was really fun so I felt bad about going into her phone yet again. I did it anyway and my whole world came crashing down. Now I figured that I would maybe see Brad or Joe texts and Facebook messages. Seemed like Brad was done but Joe and her were totally hooking up. I also found out that she had slept with 3 other guys. I also saw she was using coke all the time now. She did it maybe three times a year when we dated but now it was every weekend. It looked like she started using regularly right before I left for the farm. Joe helped get it for her too, out of all the guys he was the one she hung with the most. Turns out he was also a meth head who was trying to quit for her. She also went to his house the morning she left the other weekend to hook up and buy coke. I was floored. I just staired and took screen shots till the early morning. I decided I wasn't just going to dump her but I wanted to ruin her life not realizing she was already doing that all by herself but hindsight is 20 20. So I started coming up with a plan of what I was going to do. I woke up the next morning and acted like everything was fine and went back to the farm. I was still so upset and didn't want to harm myself or others so had a family friend take my firearms for a while. I don't think I would have used them on myself or others but I knew I wasn't thinking clearly and didn't want them in my house while I was like that.
I didn't have to see her till I moved back because the next set I had off I had tickets for a concert in the city I used to live in. During that time all I thought about was how I was going to do something to ruin her life. I came up with some small things but my main plan was to pretend like we were fine and ghost her when my contract was up with my boss next winter. I had promised him another year after kali and I had gotten back together. Just typing it out makes me look back and cringe that I was so crazy. When I went to the city for the concert I told my best friend, my brother and a few others my plan. No one liked it and thought I should just go no contact, cut her straight out of my life. That probably was the smart thing to do but emotion was clouding my judgement. Also you all would get this story. They even informed me that because I would be lying to her, that I would be compromising my morals and turning into a worse person they didn't recognize. I either didn't see it that way or care. I have a hard time recalling what my brain was thinking during that time. All seems like a haze now that it's been a year. I think I was really upset that my dream and all I had worked for was ruined. A friend later said I may have been in love with the dream and not her. Maybe that's the reason I kept up all this insanity.
My time on the farm had come to an end and I was moving back to the town me and my ex lived in. I was set with my plan, excited to implement it and have what I considered just. But you know what they say of the best laid plans. My ex wanted to go to hang at her brothers as a welcome home party. I went but ended up drinking. Heavily drinking, to the point of black out. I don't remember much from that night but have had it recounted for me. I woke up in the drunk tank. Guess I couldn't lie and play it cool then huh? The story I was told later is, while at her brothers I had gotten drunk and loud. Kept waking up the new baby and we were asked to leave. So we caught a cab and I confronted her in the cab but all I could do was call her a lying, cheating, whore on repeat. She got upset and ran into the house locking me out. I had a bunch of my stuff in her house so I went to the door and demanded she let me in. All the while still only referring to her as the aforementioned 3 words. She told me to leave but my jacket and wallet were inside. It was below freezing at night still and probably wouldn't have made it home in the state I was in. I then kicked in her door to keep calling her LCW and grab my stuff. She was on the phone to the police, so I was taken away by them. One of the lowest points in my life. It still brings me so much shame to this day but it is what happened and I am not going to sugar coat it. I never laid a finger on her and I am so happy that I hadn't. Laying hands on women in that way is one of the scummiest things a man can do. I had to go back to her house once they let me out because my stuff was still there. I apologized to her mom who had been at her boyfriends that evening promising to repair the door for her. Kali begged me to talk to her and like an idiot I didn't just leave. I told her I saw everything and she only admitted to Brad and Joe. Lying about them and the others the whole time. Even when I brought up the screen shots she still couldn't come clean. I left just shaking my head. There is still a ton to this story but this is long enough. I could do a part 2 if there is interest. Catching you folks up to where I am now and the messed up things that happened in between.