Lunesta pill identification

Either I'm becoming allergic to my hometown, myself (and I was tested for autoimmune antibodies a few years ago so unless you can develop an autoimmune disease later in life), water (yes I'm being silly. I know you can't be allergic to water) or as I believe my doctors shouldn't have taken me off every single medication was on (save from the antidepressants and anxiety meds) all at once with no titration whatsoever because I have been itching everywhere! Even the skin under my fingernails itches. It's been like this on and off for two months (mostly on). I've got cerave itch relief lotion. I've never moisturized so much in my whole life. I take benadryl in the morning and at night. I go through one 2.6 oz spray skin analgesic per day. No exaggeration. I've learned to love cool showers only using skin cleansers, lotions and laundry detergent for babies. And fragrance-free free too. Oatmeal baths do nothing at all.
Then today I'm taking my cool shower just now and I'm splotchy all over like you'd expect someone to get after a scalding hot soak. WTF! (It went away) I am at my wits end! I don't want to go back on all those meds you can trust that! I was a zombie! (I have a lot of weird medical conditions and doctors were overprescribing because everyone is a specialist now. 19 pills a day. One of my doctors threw lunesta into the mix and I was walking, talking and acting out my dreams. When someone would bring me out of that state, I would be confused as hell. One time it actually landed me in the ER. And I've no idea what I did or said but I got put on psych hold. ) But my skin literally stings from scratching and I'm getting very little sleep because of the itching. It's disrupting my life. There is no visible sign of why I'm so itchy. I think it's withdrawal itching. But because they took everything away from me at once, I've no way of knowing which medication my body is having a hissy fit over not having. I was not on opioids or narcotics (unless you count Gabapentin) Is there something that can treat withdrawal itching? Is that a thing?
Has anyone else gone through anything similar? Any tips? Help if you can, please.🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

I keep seeing the same questions ask r over and over - “WHAT CAN I BRING?”
ALLOWED ITEMS
YES Liquid sunscreen, in non-­aerosol containers of 3oz or less YES Bug spray in non-­aerosol containers of 3oz or less YES Clear backpacks, bags, and purses (no larger than 12” x 6” x 12”) YES One-gallon clear plastic freezer bag (Zip-top bag or similar) YES Fanny Packs are allowed YES Small clutch bags approximately the size of a hand with or without a handle or strap YES Blankets & beach towels YES Sunglasses and hats YES One (1) EMPTY non-glass water container up to 2 liters in size YES EMPTY CamelBak style water bladder systems subject with one pocket for the water bladder and one additional pocket* YES If you need medicine, please note that prescription and OTC medications are subject to specific guidelines** YES Factory-sealed nasal Naloxone/Narcan kit; no more than 2 per person YES Baby strollers (if you have small children) *Guidelines for CamelBak style hydration systems: Although SINGLE POCKET CamelBak style water bladder systems are allowed EMPTY into the venue, the water bladders themselves must be capable of being removed from the carrier and must be transparent enough to allow security to visually inspect the empty bladder. Additionally, CamelBak style bladder carriers must have no more than ONE pocket in addition to the compartment that hold the water bladder. Any CamelBak style water bladders that cannot be removed from the carrier and/or is opaque enough to prevent visual inspection will not be allowed into the festival. Any CamelBak­ style bladder carriers larger than the permitted size will not be allowed into the festival.
**Guidelines for prescription and OTC medications: Prescription medications are allowed only in the original prescription bottle, any person attempting to bring in prescription medication must have a government­ issued photo identification card that matches the name printed on the prescription, and the pills in the bottle must match the description printed on the prescription. You will only be allowed to carry the dosage of prescription medication required for the duration of each individual Event date. Over-­the-­counter medications are allowed provided that they are new and in the original, factory-sealed container.
Hangout Bag Policy Graphic PROHIBITED ITEMS
NO Tents, umbrellas, or temporary structures of any kind NO Weapons, knives, or firearms of any kind, including any item that can be used as a weapon NO Narcotics, including marijuana, drug paraphernalia and any other illegal substances NO Backpacks, cinch bags, briefcases, purses, or bags allowed except bags made of clear plastic, clear vinyl, or clear PVC not exceeding 12” x 6” x 12” NO Alcoholic beverages of any kind NO Unsealed disposable vapor or electronic cigarettes NO Drones or any other remote flying device NO Vitamins NO Kites NO Glow Sticks NO Focused light devices, including laser pointers NO Refillable vapor or electronic cigarettes NO Unsealed: cigarette packages, tampons, packs of gum and chapstick/lip gloss NO Marker pens and spray paint NO Air horns and/or megaphones NO Items intended for sale/promotion (including flyers, stickers and posters) NO Water guns, water balloons, and/or any other kind of water projectile NO Glass in any form, including glass bottles NO Outside food or beverages NO Skateboards, rollerblades, hoverboards, scooters, bicycles, wagons and/or motorized carts or Scooters NO Fidget spinners NO Bicycles inside festival grounds (bike racks will be available near the entrance) NO Large chains or spiked jewelry NO Fireworks, sparklers, firecrackers, and/or incendiary or explosive devices of any kind NO Chinese Lanterns NO Umbrellas NO Chairs of any kind, including inflatable loungers NO Coolers of any kind, including hard­sided and soft­sided coolers NO Pets (service animals with current rabies vaccination excepted) NO Video equipment of any kind (including personal camcorders and GoPro cameras) NO Professional photo equipment (SLDSLR cameras, detachable/removable lens cameras) NO Audio recording equipment of any kind NO Portable audio equipment of any kind, including portable “boom box” stereo systems NO Professional radios or walkie­talkies NO Flags and/or flagpoles NO Selfie sticks NO Hammocks NO Any item that can be used as a means to disturb the peace, endanger the safety of the crowd, and/or inflict damage to people and goods *ALLOWED/PROHIBITED ITEMS ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE
Hangout Music Festival and private security personnel at the entrances reserve the right to make the final determination on allowed and non-­allowed items.
https://www.hangoutmusicfest.com/info/

An Actual 101 Omegaverse Interpretation Made By Me, please use this as a guide to get a better understanding of the Omegaverse and let me know your thoughts on this variation!
What Is The Omegaverse?
The Omegaverse is an AU (Alternate Universe) that centers around a wolf hierarchy that reinforces the idea of power, inequalities, and dynamics in modern-day society. Originally used in the Supernatural and werewolf fandoms, the subgenre of dividing people into the wolf hierarchy has risen to new limits as it grows a larger audience.
In the omegaverse, there are primary sex and secondary sex. Primary Sex describes how people biologically are born or identify as male, female, intersex, etc. Whereas Secondary Sex, describes their role in the wolf hierarchy and where they stand in the wolf-like society.
There are commonly three "second genders" that are affiliated to one's character; Alpha, Beta, and Omega. Although there are other variants, these three are the most common in fandoms. These second genders normally defy the role that people play in the wolf hierarchy and the different attributes that each secondary sex has.
Wanna Know Which One You Are?
Everyone is born with the Primary Sex at birth, sometimes having it declared differently later on if people choose to alternate their primary sex. However, Secondary Sex isn't necessarily something that is changeable, although not impossible.
Beginning at the early age of 15 to 22 years old, people often begin to develop their second gender. During this age range, people often get a yearly test done to ensure that the development of their secondary sex is coming as predetermining a second gender could be done. People begin to develop different bodies, pheromones, structures, habits, and more that are commonly associated with their designated second gender. Second genders do not defy someone as a person, but they help contribute to where they reside in society.
There are also some instances where people do not develop their second gender during that age range. Doctors associate the label of "Late Bloomers" with these people as their bodies haven't changed to develop into the omegaverse society. People can transition after the recommended age range, however, the effects of transitioning and instinctive nature (heat, ruts, scents of pheromones, etc.) are often more intense once they transition and are more sensitive tenfold.
Types Of Secondary Sexes.
Ranked By Hierarchy.
Top Of The Food Chain.
Do you have what it takes to keep your pride? Sometimes even those at the top of the food chain are affected by those beneath you.
Enigma (₰); Dominant Alphas.
Commonly mistaken as an ordinary alpha Enigma's are offspring of many generations of alphas. Both parents are often alpha's that have tried to conceive an Enigma throughout many generations. An extremely rare phenomenon to occur in a generation and they are essentially albinos in society. Unlike regular alphas, their secondary attributes are heightened and overbearing to control and handle. Although they are even able to make Alpha submit, they can often go into shock if they don't keep themselves in check due to overbearing ruts, pheromones, etc.
Alphas (α).
Alphas are the most generalized sub-gender at the top of the food chain, making roughly 10 percent of the omegaverse hierarchy. People associate them with becoming more possessive and dominant in situations as they take on more leadership roles than any other sub-gender. Alphas are more primitive of the genders and follow their pride than other people. They are natural-born leaders that others seek to follow out of their instincts.
Special Attributes; Also Applies to Dominant and Recessive Species.
➼ Have more fierce scents that easily overpower more earthy and sweet scents.
➼Experience ruts during mating sessions once a month. They develop a knot during this period to ensure the production of offspring and resort to their instincts rather than rational thinking.
➼ Develop sharp K-9s during maturity that allow them to mark and claim their mate(s) more easily than other sub-genders.
➼ They tend to become more protective of those who are close to them and want to keep everyone safe. Sometimes they feel as if they bear the world on their shoulders, yet they take pride in their accomplishments.
Gammas (Γ); Recessive Alphas.
More rare than normal Alphas but more common than Enigmas, Gammas are commonly known as "submissive alphas". They gain the attributes of alphas but it is not as intense as a regular alphas. They are the most calm and sane out of the top of the food chain and are able to remain rational during their heat. They often don't strive in the leadership positions as alphas and are known as the second in command. However, just because they don't experience extreme attributes doesn't mean that they don't experience them at all.
The Middle Ground; The Stability Of Society.
Betas (B).
The working class of the hierarchy, the majority of the population. Betas are classified as ordinary people, making up 82 percent of the population. They are people who take everyday positions and are the worker bees in the hive. People often overlook this gender as an equivalent to a regular human despite their ability to neutralize any problems between alphas and omegas. As there is lightness and darkness, Betas are often in the middle neutralizing the scents of both omegas and alphas when not in heat or ruts. They are often perceived as ordinary despite the important role they play in society.
Special Attributes:
➼ Have more calming and nature-like scents that help sedate alphas and omegas.
➼ A more lax "drive" to mate and reproduce.
Delving Too Deep; Bottom Feeders.
Those who are able to weasel out their situations are known to be the prey of many. They have their own tactics to hide themselves but are always eaten at the end.
Sigmas (Σ); Recessive Omegas.
More defiant and restrained by their omega nature, Sigmas are dominant omegas that defy their common submissive stereotype given to omegas. Like Alphas, Sigmas take pride in their actions and decisions as if they're a natural-born leader but are often treated as an omega regardless. They don't have intense attributes like an average omega, but they still experience such phenomena. They are rare than omegas considering the nature of Sigmas and how they interact with those around them despite Secondary Sex. Even when being put into place with pheromones, Sigmas normally won't go down without a fight.
Omegas (Ω).
The bottom feeders of the hierarchy, the most vulnerable of them all. Omegas make up 8 percent of the population and are generalized sub-gender to be a bottom feeder. As graceful as a rabbit in a field, they are the most exploited and oppressed gender of them all. Omegas are known for their resilience and "mother-like" nature to nurture and protect those close to them, as well as being able to produce offspring despite their Primary Sex.
Special Attributes; Also Applies To Recessive Species.
➼ Naturally have sweeter scents than any of the other sub-genders to entice Betas and Alphas.
➼ Experience heat two to four times a year in order to produce offspring. Their scenes and pheromones are heightened to coax Betas and Alphas to mate with them.
➼ Produce slick during heat to act like a lubricant.
➼ Produce offspring despite their Primary Sex.
➼ They are known to protect those close to them due to their more protective nature. Despite what others say, they express the protection of their pack in different ways.
➼ Nesting in times of stress or when experiencing pre-heat.
The Defiance Against Natural Order.
Thetas (Θ); Deadly Betas.
From what begins as a pheromone problem once they mature and turn into a dangerous virus that affects those around them.
The word Theta is associated with the ideals of death. Thetas are betas that have a genetic malfunction in the scent glands that produce a dangerous stench of pheromones that directly affect those around them. From not being able to produce scents from when they mature to having a bloom of scents during one time, Thetas emit a deadly scent that can often knock out people.
Intensity depends on their original scent, how they feel, and who it is affecting. Where Betas who smell the scent can find it as something that reeks from a mile away, Omegas and Alphas are more vulnerable to Thetas as their senses are more heightened than Betas.
After inhaling a certain amount, Omegas and Alphas overdose on scents which could force them to have a permanent loss of smell. They often would pass out before any permanent damage is done, which is also a very rare situation affecting another Beta.
There is currently no known cure besides a temporary solution involving a significant amount of scent blockers. It is not an effective method and isn't an ideal solution since it negatively affects the Theta's body, but they can pass as normal Betas in the hierarchy.
Late Bloomers.
Late Bloomers were given the title by Doctors who found out that there are people who exceed the age limit without maturing and settling into the hierarchy. There aren't many cases of late bloomers and are often believed to have a rare Secondary Sex considering how long it takes to develop. It is also not the case for all who have these second genders.
These people often experience severe attributes once they convert and are often recommended to find a partner immediately after maturing. They don't have a distinguished place in the hierarchy considering the fact that they didn't develop that Secondary Sex, yet are categorized with the Thetas as people who defy the social structure.
Mating Cycles.
Mating Cycles are the foundation of life, giving people the chance to conceive.
A big aspect of the omegaverse fandom, people often use mating cycles to spice up romantic or sexual interactions. They specifically affect Alphas and Omegas with the purpose of breeding in producing offspring as wolves naturally do.
Varying on the Secondary Sex, people are able to experience heat and rut.
Rut is referred to when an Alpha bares its fangs to their loved one, whether it is another Alpha, Beta, or Omega. Their objective is to breed their bedded partner with the goal of producing offspring during the duration of their Rut.
Heat is conceptualized as the counterpart to Ruts, an exclusive ability that Omegas have. Unlike breeding another, their body makes modifications in order to ensure that their body is capable of carrying and nurturing offspring. They also experience the thought of needing to be bred during the time of their Heat.
Alpha's Mating Cycle.
Pre-Rut.
Pre-Rut signals an Alpha that their mating period is on its way before the actual Rut happens.
During this time, Alphas tend to become more protective and obsessive with their mate as their primal instincts begin to blend with their natural personality. They have a tendency to leave marks and scent their loved ones as much as possible to claim their "territory" in order to keep others away.
They are also prone to harming others. Considering their impulsive nature to keep their partners close to them, an Alpha's main priority is to keep their partner safe in a space where they would be able to breed. It is not recommended for Alphas to go outside during this time period considering they resolve to their violent nature once they see someone else eyeing their prey.
They also begin to emit intense pheromones more often and become aroused. Not as bad as their actual Rut, a Pre-Rut intimidates what the actual Rut is going to be like in order to prepare their partners for what is to come. Intense pheromones and arousal are normally the last symptoms of Pre-Rut that most likely initiate the actual Rut. Once they have their partner under them, their mating season begins.
Rut.
Protect. Breed. Reproduce. Repeat.
This is probably the most accurate way to decipher what goes through an Alpha's mind during a Rut.
Once their Rut is initiated, an Alpha has little to no control of their actions or thoughts. Generally, there are very few who are not easily swayed by their natural instincts and can control what they do for a certain period of time, but Alphas don't keep their mindset straight. Especially when it comes to those who are easily swayed by the pheromones of Omegas.
During this time, they also have thoughts of marking their mates on their scent glands, which requires special preparation. Marking their partner represents an official relationship with each other and stays on their partner's neck for life unless removed. Baring their K-9s, Alphas are able to mark others during their Ruts to claim their territory completely.
They also develop a knot during the height of sexual intercourse. Their penis begins to swell during the time of ejaculation which is often painful without the proper preparation and swells inside their partner. Their bodies constantly produce semen when the knot is inside their partner in order to guarantee high chances of pregnancy in their partner. It takes an hour or two to deflate, however, by that time, Alphas are ready for another round.
During this time is also when Alphas are the most vulnerable around their mate(s). If they are treated a certain way, Alphas can also experience a drop. Instead of fueling with desire and prosperity with their partner, Alphas could have an indifferent rut, where they have little to no desire to reproduce. It is extremely uncommon but it does happen. If left untreated it can continue after their initial rut. Considering their primal instincts are part of who they are, it can affect their life in ways one could never imagine.
Ruts last a duration of 3 days to 1 week. Duration varies upon each Alpha but can be extended through drugs and steroids. It is not recommended to do so.
Omega's Mating Cycle.
Pre-Heat.
A magnet for trouble, a mating call to Alphas.
Pre-Heat begins a week before the actual heat and is a way for the Omega's body to tell them that their heat is underway. Their mating cycle takes a toll on not only their mentality but also their bodies as their bodies modify themselves to properly bear a child.
During the beginning of their Pre-Heat they build a safe space in which they can spend the duration of their heat in. This is called nesting. Often their bedroom or a shared one, an Omega designated a "safe space" for themselves. Once they find a spot that meets their expectations, they will begin to fill the space with the scents of their partners. If they don't have mates, then people who they are close with. These scents can often be found in the other's articles of clothing, sheets, linens, covers, and pillows. Anything that reminds them of mates or family can be kept in the nest.
Nesting is also a place where Omegas can calm themselves in times of distress. Although nesting is primarily when they go into heat, Omegas can build nests when they need comfort for any reason. They are also to be approached with caution unless directly invited by the Omega. If someone walks in on them with an inbuilt nest, their pride could be harmed as they destroy their nests. Has it always been so hard to look capable?
An Omega's scent is more dense and intoxicating to entice others into bed with them. A sweet smell that is almost bearable until the actual Heat begins. It's more dangerous to have these omegas outside considering almost anyone can be affected by their overwhelming increase in pheromones and are advised to stay inside.
They also begin to sleep more often, as well as eat and drink more than they normally do. Omegas always tend to be by themselves during this time, however, appreciate the help of their partners during their times of need. To conserve energy for their actual heat, the Omega's body begins to store as much to keep the Omega awake during the actual heat.
They also have a temperature rise, as "Heat" suggests. They are often hotter during Alphas in Rut considering how much preparation and desire the body builds. It becomes more troublesome to do things on their own once a few days pass as their body only becomes more and more hotter. Finally, they produce slick from their bottom. The slick is a form of preparation that the body modifies to act as a lubricant. The vaginal or anal area, varying on the Primary Sex, allows their bodies to be penetrated easier with little to no preparation.
Heat.
Breathe. Claim. Feel. Touch.
Unlike the Alpha's Rut, an Omega's Heat is a more delicate and nurturing mating cycle that requires more attention, delicacy, and intimacy with their partners.
Instead of growing a desire to simply breed like Alphas and use force, Omegas are in their vulnerable state where their secondary instincts to protect and nurture rise to the occasion. Not only do they want to please themselves by carrying the offspring of their partners, but they also want to prove their worth. To prove that they are worth being taken care of and what they can provide to their partners.
The Heat itself rolls off in waves like an ocean's waves. There are times when the heat is intense and other times when they can breathe and rest. At the beginning of the heat, they are the most vulnerable to the words, actions, thoughts, and feelings of their partners.
Heat also sparks a feeling, a need to reproduce and birth offspring with their partner(s). It's a time when Omega's are in tune with their second nature and are prone to feelings of intimacy with their partner. This causes an Omega to have a spike in libido and an aching for longing, preservation, and love.
This isn't to say that they are completely innocent during this time. Omegas tend to have a high sex drive with the desire to collect semen from their partner(s) in hopes of creating offspring. Drawing back to the second nature of Omegas, their priority is to get pregnant, even if their mindset tells them to not think so.
Can't you also forget how much energy you consume? Due to the little to no rest during an Omega's Heat, it is also important to keep an eye on the Omega, whether it's their partners or family. They exert most of their energy during heat almost sweating it off with a fever, to where Omegas must be supervised during their times in need.
It is also important to remember that despite the Primary Sex, Omegas can get pregnant. Male, Female, Intersex, etc. If they don't possess a vaginal hole, their body creates a sac where the sperm will meet temporary eggs that an Omega can have and where they will carry their child. At the beginning of the heat, it normally forms in males through abdominal pains and cramps that are almost unbearable at times. Only when their desire overrides the pain are they ready to be mated with careful preparation and love.
Please, keep an eye on the Omega. Before someone takes them away from you.
Post-Heat.
After the severe waves, the calmer shore arrives long after.
Post-Heat is recognized as the recovery stage of the Omega Mating Cycle. It is a time and delicacy when Omega's recover their rational senses and catch up with not only their bodies but their self-being.
During the next day or two once their heat is over, an Omega is often seen sleeping from 12 to 26 hours, depending on how severe their heat was. Their body takes the time to recuperate and replenish its energy, only waking up to eat something minimal or drink to rehydrate. Their body does the essentials to keep the Omega alive for the next two days as the body enters a semi-comatose state.
It is also essential to receive aftercare and gentle praises from their partner(s). Omega's are still sensitive and prone to drops if they aren't treated with the utmost care, the Post-Heat is one of the essential times when praise and convincing them that they are worthy to be a mate is important.
Red heat.
The term "Red Heat" refers to when Omegas drop due to lack of praise, inappropriate actions, or a feeling of self-doubt. It is a common defense mechanism that Omegas have especially when in times of crisis where their bodies forcibly stop a heat until they get into a safe area.
The severity of the "Red Heat" varies upon each situation, where an accidental slip of saying the wrong words could cause an Omega's body to overreact, or when in a serious situation of assault, their bodies completely pause the heat track temporarily.
Minor Symptoms:
➼ Omegas will go into a cold sweat as their body temperature rapidly cools.
➼ Some rational thoughts come back during the length of the "Red Heat."
➼ Their scent changes into a negative one. An extremely strong stench.
➼ Their ability to mark their mate(s) is taken away considering their body is negatively reacting to the people around them.
➼ They stop producing slick and are unable to make children during this time.
Minor symptoms show when there is miscommunication or misunderstanding between mates and can often be resolved on the spot. Although it would take some time for the Omega to recuperate back into their heat, there are no long-term negative effects on their bodies.
Severe Symptoms:
➼ If forced to continue mating, their holes, anal or vaginal will wear and tear. Rather than slick, they will begin bleeding at the sign of intrusion.
➼ There is no rational thought, Omegas will go feral once they've been violated. The second gender of Omega's to "protect and nurture" is stripped away from them as they do anything to keep their pride.
➼ An Omega in red heat can also over-exert themselves if it becomes too overbearing, their bodies becoming too hot to the point where they will burn their organs internally, which will permanently burn their reproductive system and other organs. In the most severe cases, this can be life-threatening.
Severe symptoms are the last resort of the Omega's body to protect itself, and if left untreated can cause death. This not only makes the act of violating Omegas a severe crime and a hard thing to do. Overall, the "Red Heat" acts as a drop and a self-defense mechanism for the Omegas.
You Are Mine; Marking and Scenting.
Second Genders have special characteristics to communicate with one another. Some forms of communication are limited to specific second sexes, whereas more universal forms of language can be used by any secondary sex.
Marking is a term when Alphas and Omegas mark their loved ones during their Heat or Rut. These second genders can mark anyone of the secondary sex despite it being a secondary sex higher in the food chain or below. Even Beta's could be marked.
Marking can be done in different ways and has different effects depending on who's marking who. Rather than using it as a specific form of communication, marking is an indication to everyone that this person is "taken." Marks cannot come off if marked by an Alpha or Omega, including Dominant and Recessive Species.
Betas do not have the characteristics to mark anyone, including those who are Alpha or Omega. They can only be marked. Scenting is a more universal language that can be used by any secondary sex.
Scenting is used when people rub off their pheromones upon one another which is emitted through the scent glanced located on a person's glands. They are located at the bridge between the shoulder and neck, normally known as the "cowl muscles" or the trapezius muscle. Everyone has two scent glands located on each side and can be marked by at most two different mates if wanted. If not, then by one.
Scenting also takes place near the scent glands, where the pheromones come from. Mates can rub their scent onto another's scent glands to "claim their territory". Any secondary sex can be done by anyone.
The Red String of Fate; Fated Mates.
"The string itself is a vibrant red string that connects you to your fated mate. Some say that no matter how far away you are from your fated mate, you will always be connected to them. They will always be yours. No matter how far you will travel, the string will not break. Your fate is sealed with your partner."
The term "Fated Mates" is similar to the traditional Chinese Tale of the Red String of Fate. An Alpha and Omega are confined and destined to be with one another, despite loving someone else. In the omegaverse topes, it is common for an Alpha and Omega to be together, despite Betas being the large percentile of the population.
This is likely due to the compatibility of an Alpha and Omega being higher than mating with a Beta which makes this type of relationship more ideal in the hierarchy.
Every Alpha and Omega are not bound to mate with any specific gender, however, they are more likely to be mated with their counterpart. Some people in the hierarchy look down on these ideals due to the absurdity of how small the percentage of the Omega population is, however, this is probably the most common mating couple that is found in the omegaverse trope.
The "Fated Mates", much like the Chinese myth, is a trope that is used in an alternate universe but does not define who is mated to who. It is treated more as folklore, however, most Alphas are indeed mated to Omegas. As Ying has Yang, both Secondary Sexes are commonly mated together as if it was done by fate.
How Is An Alpha Affected?
An Alpha is considered to have a "fated mate" when not only they have marked someone but also they have been marked themselves. An Alpha can mark their mate(s) during Rut.
During this time, the Alpha pierce their mate with their fangs, enhanced, sharpened, refined, extended K-9s to properly mark their mate. However, if they specifically mark an Omega, they secrete a liquid pheromone that stays with the initial bite mark on the Omega.
Although Marks can be removed, the liquid pheromone from a fated couple cannot.
The liquid pheromone acts as a bond coming from the Alpha to Omega in order to ensure that they live in harmony with one another. The liquid pheromone acts as a defense mechanism to ensure the fated couple stays together.
The liquid pheromone doesn't do anything until there is distrust or denial from the Alpha, enhancing the pheromone liquid into a venom that can slowly poison the Omega. This is called a Broken Bond. It is formed at the bite mark of the Alpha and can spread slowly or rapidly. The type of venom severity varies from the type of Alpha who made the mark and the spread rate of the venom depends on how bad the break of the Alpha is.
This acts as a way to keep an Omega in check to ensure the Omega can not only be a reliable partner but to pursue happiness between the Alpha and Omega. Once the issue is resolved, the venom dissipates back into the liquid pheromone.
Their ruts only react to their fated mates. If they are mated, their Ruts are only reactive to the pheromone liquid that the Omega emits during their heat. As they can mark Omegas, Omegas can mark an Alpha. Their ruts can happen, even with other people but that would be very hard to do when marked by someone. Sometimes their knots won't form or their rut could even temporarily stop if the ruts are normally overwhelming until they are in their mate's arms.
How Is An Omega Affected?
Much like an Alpha, Omegas need to mark and mark a certain individual themselves to be affiliated with the "fated mates" trope.
Although it might be a bit harder to break the scent gland and implement their liquid pheromones considering they don't have refined K-9s like their counterpart, they often hold a stronger grudge to prevent an Alpha from leaving them. Omegas are also only able to permanently mark their loved ones during heat for them to secrete their liquid pheromones, often indicating this process during sacred moments.
The liquid pheromones that are injected into the Alpha's scent glands, however, often spread throughout the body instead of staying intact in the scent glands. Since Alpha's aren't originally meant to hold the liquid pheromones in their glands, it instead spreads throughout their body which can affect them altogether.
Every Alpha, deep inside, dreams of feeling accepted by their fated mate. By the ones they put their pride in, to ensure that their loved ones are taken care of.
Other times they may get rejected, left, or brokenhearted by their mate; prompting deterio ration throughout their body. This is called Broken Heart Syndrome.
How deadly is this condition?
First, an affected Alpha will lose their basic Alpha instincts. They will not rut, will not react to Omega's sexual pheromones, gradually lose their sense of smell, and stop producing their scent.
The psychological disturbance will follow soon. Loss of appetite, insomnia, depression, and even suicidal thoughts. This is due to the implication that these Alpha's have not fulfilled their duties.
Eventually, their body will also collapse.
Physical Symptoms:
➼ Loss of muscle mass.
➼ Immunodeficiency.
➼ Bleeding disorder; blood unable to clot properly.
➼ Internal bleeding.
In the final stage, this syndrome will prompt premature apoptosis (programmed cell death) of the heart muscle. Ultimately leading to the death of the Alpha.
As romanticized in many scripts, "The heart finally kills itself, as it loses its reason to keep beating."
Much like the broken bond, the cure is to ensure the Alpha understands that their efforts and pride are of value to their fated partner, in which the liquid pheromones throughout the Alpha cease to help the body recover.
An Omega's heat is also restricted to their fated mate. They are not able to mate with one another as their body responds to the liquid pheromones of their counterpart. If anyone attempts to proceed with sexual intercourse with a mated Omega, their body may prepare itself to indulge in the Red Heat process to protect its body and keep its pride.
Doctor's Orders; Medication and Prescriptions.
There are many drugs and medications that are found through the Omegaverse, which help tackle any occurring issues of mating cycles and how many can counteract the biological structure of the second gender. Many people, despite their second gender, do not often resort to medication and prescriptions due to how dangerous they are. But, again, there are certain circumstances in the lives of everyone.
Serenithrol: A common medication that is known to suppress and confine the scent of pheromones coming from the scent gland. They are often sold in pills and are accessible to the common public. They can be found in common drug stores and are safe to use long-term. It is not recommended to use them excessively, commonly in large quantities since it may cause a lack of pheromones to be produced naturally.
Maliscent: A legal perfume that can be found in beauty stores or places that sell beauty products. These perfume bottles contain different scents that are extracted..? replicated of natural scents coming from other secondary genders. They are perfumes that can guise the scent of someone for several hours, a safer alternative than the Serenithrol medications. Although it may be safe, exactly where is the source of this enriching and enticing perfume..?
Heat and Rut Suppressants: Often known as a heavenly drug of Alphas and Omegas, these suppressants can temporarily or permanently disrupt a mating cycle if consistently used. The origin of suppressants was to prevent people from going into Heat and Rut in public places to lessen the crimes as people took advantage of these second genders; in the modern day, people take them as if they're a common pill to take every day.
The suppressants are often overused due to how accessible they are to the public, although it seems as if there is a major company attempting to restrict them to the common people. The tablet medications are a weaker variant of the suppressants which could only temporarily stop a mating cycle for a few hours. they are accessible in drug stores with proper identification of being an Alpha or Omega variant. There is also a syringe suppressant which is often a more intense suppressant. They can completely disrupt a mating cycle but require a doctor's referral to snatch one of these.
Doctor's Orders; Medication and Prescriptions Continued.
The following are less known in society and are not accessible to the common public. These are often sold at the top of the food chain and may only be purchased in the underworld. You have connections, right?
Heat and Rut Inducers: The opposite of the suppressants, these inducers are only available in a liquid form and are often sold in syringe needles. They essentially force an Alpha or Omega to go into their mating cycle despite how far or close it initially is. It was banned from the public to prevent secondary sexes from being taken advantage of and is only found in the underbelly of New York. They are at the cusps of a certain mafia playing the underworld and are personally distributed from them. If one wanted to get their hands on it, they'd have to personally affiliate themselves with a mafia member who is selling it.
Xenonexus: An unknown drug that's made itself to the market, shaking up the hierarchy of the omegaverse. It can slowly transition one's second gender as their body modifies itself. It is often known as "Xenonexus" due to the unknown source and how well its production is, people crave such a powerful tool to change their lives. However, they are personally only accessible to a certain few who have taken part in this project.
The only known treatment of Xenonexus known to the public is those sold in the black market, even those that are unsafe. They are sold in vials that are to be taken throughout the course of four months, all the necessary syringes taken in months are intact. Most importantly, they remain unlabeled. There have been very few wealthy people who have gotten their hands on this drug, although they don't exactly know what second gender they might transition into. It's almost as if this drug was thrown into the public to see how people react, though the creator remains unknown.
How're You Living?; Modern Day Applications.
In a world where money influences reliable resources and connections, the world is often divided by the stances of many through the polluted streets of New York. Although there is much bias that varies among Secondary Sexes, there is little to no discrimination based on it. Due to the diversity and the amount of connections that one may have, what one identifies as is not crucial.
As they say, the pockets talk as people listen.
There are very few instances where Secondary Sex matters, which is in regards to those who live their life in riches. Depending on where one resides, there could be some more.. unfortunate outcomes that often drive people into a corner. Where money can talk, but the overwhelming sense of power could signify authority over another.
Those who live in the inner circle know lip service, and prevailing as a dominant one is often the more important part at the table. After all, becoming the head means you get the last say, right?
Now, where are you planning to live in this unstable society?

My ex was weird about sex.
He would always call me a name I didn't like in bed, Id make constant signs I didn't like it, and even started openly telling him "Don't call me that, I'm not your mother" [you can probably guess what the name was based off that] and he would stop, but thanks he'd say things like "I really really wanna call you that but you dont like it so"
And I felt bad- So I let him.
Later on in the devaluation phase [highly suspecting he was a narc], he'd do this thing where he was really sexual towards characters [hang with me it's gonna sound weird] but than never try being flirty or sexual to me. So i, yes this was extremely petty and I feel ashamed over it, Id get sexual Twoards characters to, and be very blunt about it, it was passive aggressive yes.
But I found it funny that that's when he'd get flirty with me, not only did this happen with characters but other people too, if he saw me being near a friend for too long, he'd get flirty and needy, but if it was just us he didn't seem to care at all.
Than one day, while he told me he was asexual, keep in mind he'd never said he was asexual before, ever. And this is coming from someone who outwardly identifes as demi, hes always had a high libido and everything. So anytime I made a reference to wanting something sexual he'd tell me he couldn't get it up because of the pills he was taking, which was fine! Ofc, it was, and I let him know as much. Only to find out that, he lied about that.
Does this count as coercion if he made me feel guilty for wanting sex? / not giving it to him. I will admit, I did pull away sexually due to him lying so much to me, I know it's unrelated but I didn't feel that attracted to him anymore due to his other behaviors [sexuakky at least] but at the time I thought there was just something wrong with me for not wanting to give my boyfriend the love he "deserved." Especially since I started getting really dumb Twoards the middle and end of the relationship, I'd attempt to try and make him jealous the same way he would try to make me jealous with other people/fictional ones. Maybe that made him pull away sexually from me too.
But I also feel that maybe I was asking for too much? Ive always been a very open person when it comes to asking for those sorts of things, and I'm usually very bold, but I realized just how often it was me having to initiate everything. It got to the point where it felt like it was my job, like I had to keep him happy doing that. He'd say how he wanted to do thing with me but than never would, because the second I stopped, is when he started saying he was asexual, than a week or less after we broke up he had slept with two of his ex's.
I feel used and confused if it was actually something wrong he did or if I deserved it.

DAY: MAY 7 2024
​

• 5-7-2024AI PRODUCTS FOR KIDS PROMISING FRIENDSHIP AND LEARNING: THREE THINGS TO CONSIDER Smart toys with internet connections and AI-enabled robots, with capacities for sophisticated social interactions with children, are widely available today. This is no doubt driven by rapid development in Artificial Intelligence, with impacts being widely felt. Companies are looking to enhance productivity and revenue, while governments are considering safety measures in their AI strategies.
• 5-7-2024COULD GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP HELP PREVENT OSTEOPOROSIS? following a ?21-day at-home preadmittance phase of a 10-hour sleep opportunity per night. Initial in-laboratory sleep opportunities (“Sleep Satiation”) were 16 h/d (12 h/night with 4-hour nap midday) followed by 10 h/d to ensure participants had no sleep debt at the time of baseline 24-hour sampling ). Forced desynchrony protocol (“Sleep Restriction + Circadian Disruption”) was then initiated in which participants lived on a 28-hour day for approximately
• 5-7-2024EXPLORING THE MYTHS, HEALTH BENEFITS OF PLANT-BASED DIET More and more of my friends are following the plant-based diet trend. Is that the same as going vegan? Is it healthy for you? What can I actually eat? ANSWER: Plant-based foods go beyond a “boring salad.” With a whole-food plant-based diet, we focus on eating foods that are primarily coming from plants and that occur in their natural state.
• 5-7-2024THE PROS AND CONS OF DAILY CAFFEINE INTAKE caffeine should be ingested in moderation and with caution. Whether it’s brewing a cup of coffee at home, ordering a specialty $6 latte from a local coffee shop or cracking open a Red Bull on the way to the gym, the consensus is clear: The prevalence of the caffeinated beverage industry continues to grow.
• 5-7-2024WHY DO LOVED ONES WITH DEMENTIA SOMETIMES ‘COME BACK’ BEFORE DEATH? Dementia is often described as “the long goodbye.” Although the person is still alive, dementia slowly and irreversibly chips away at their memories and the qualities that make someone “them.” Dementia eventually takes away the person’s ability to communicate, eat and drink on their own, understand where they are, and recognize family members.
• 5-7-2024PARENTS’ WATCHFUL EYE MAY KEEP YOUNG TEENS FROM TRYING ALCOHOL, DRUGS: STUDY Teenagers are less likely to drink, smoke or use drugs when their parents keep tabs on their activities—but not necessarily because kids are more likely to be punished for substance use, suggests a new study in the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs. Researchers found that contrary to common belief, parents’ “monitoring” does not seem to boost the odds of catching their kids using substances.
• 5-7-2024CANNABIS, NICOTINE USE DURING PREGNANCY FOUND TO INCREASE RATE OF INFANT DEATH FOURFOLD With half of individuals who use cannabis in pregnancy also using tobacco or nicotine products, OHSU researchers report that combined cannabis and nicotine use during pregnancy is associated with significantly higher risk of poor health outcomes for newborns compared with use of either substance alone.
• 5-7-2024YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT ALLERGIC TO PENICILLIN, EVEN IF YOU THINK YOU ARE If you’re one of the millions of Americans who have a penicillin allergy listed on your medical record, research suggests it’s highly likely that this label is inaccurate. Having a penicillin allergy label matters, as it can have a significant impact on patient care. For many people, it has resulted in higher costs for antibiotics, delays in getting care, and longer hospital stays.
• 5-7-2024ALMOST ALL COUNTERFEIT OXYCONTIN PILLS CONTAIN FENTANYL, FINDS STUDY Lab tests of counterfeit oxycodone (Oxycontin) pills seized by police in Rhode Island in 2022 found 99.3% also contained dangerous fentanyl. It was typically mixed with another potentially deadly drug, xylazine. Both drugs make overdose more likely and more fatal, experts note.
• 5-7-2024PLANTERS PEANUT PRODUCTS UNDER RECALL DUE TO LISTERIA RISK Planters peanut products sold at Publix and Dollar Tree in five states are being recalled due to the risk of Listeria contamination, maker Hormel announced. So far, there have been no reports of illness linked to the recalled products
• 5-7-2024STUDY FINDS AI IS AS GOOD AS A PHYSICIAN AT PRIORITIZING WHICH PATIENTS NEED TO BE SEEN FIRST Emergency departments nationwide are overcrowded and overtaxed, but a new study suggests artificial intelligence (AI) could one day help prioritize which patients need treatment most urgently. Using anonymized records of 251,000 adult emergency department (ED) visits, researchers at UC San Francisco evaluated how well an AI model was able to extract symptoms from patients’ clinical notes to determine their need to be treated immediately.
• 5-7-2024RESEARCHERS DEVELOP REMINDER SYSTEM TO ENHANCE MEMORY RECALL We first fitted context maintenance and retrieval to pilot data to obtain a parameter set ? that could capture pilot participants’ free-recall patterns. We preregistered these parameters and then used them in our live experiment in combination with the experimental participants’ recalls to predict post-cue recall behavior, that is, demonstrating the ability of the model to generalize over (1) a different group of subjects and (2) a different period of recall.
• 5-7-2024BIOMARKER FOUND TO HELP IDENTIFY CELLS THAT CAN REPAIR DAMAGED BLOOD VESSELS Researchers have discovered a protein marker to help identify cells able to repopulate in patients with damaged blood vessels. Their findings, recently published in Circulation, could lead to new therapies for people with endothelial dysfunction, a type of disorder that contributes to coronary artery disease
• 5-7-2024THE INTERACTION OF ENDOREPELLIN AND NEUREXIN TRIGGERS NEUROEPITHELIAL AUTOPHAGY AND MAINTAINS NEURAL TUBE DEVELOPMENT Through the endocytic pathway, the interaction of endorepellin and Neurexin physiologically triggers autophagy and appropriately modulates the differentiation of neural stem cells into neurons as a blocker, which is necessary for normal neural tube closure.
• 5-7-2024SAFEGUARDING MATERNAL AND FETAL HEALTH IN EMERGENCY AGITATION TREATMENT A recent review article provides critical insights into the management of acute agitation in reproductive-age females and during pregnancy within the emergency departments (EDs). The study emphasizes the importance of considering the safety of psychotropic medications in this demographic population
• 5-7-2024SEDENTARY LIFESTYLE PUTS STRAIN ON YOUNG HEARTS, STUDY SHOWS Sedentary lifestyle puts strain on young hearts. According to a recent Finnish study, high levels of sedentary behavior and physical inactivity from childhood strain the heart in adolescence. High cardiac workload predicts heart failure and other heart diseases. In light of the findings, increasing moderate and vigorous physical activity from childhood onwards is particularly important in preventing heart diseases.
• 5-7-2024STUDY FINDS OBSTACLES TO ALCOHOL, DRUG TREATMENT HIGHER FOR RURAL AMERICANS Rural Americans are less likely to initiate care for substance use disorders and to receive ongoing care compared with those who live in urban areas, according to a new study. When they do access care, people who live in less populated areas are more likely to have to go outside their provider network to receive treatment
• 5-7-2024HOW TP53 GENE LOSS DRIVES GASTRIC CANCER EVOLUTION TP53 inactivation initiates ordered genomic evolution. This model allows for simultaneously monitoring TP53 status, genome evolution, and cellular phenotypes in vivo.
• 5-7-2024TELEHEALTH PROGRAM CREATED TO IMPROVE ACCESS TO SPECIALTY CARE FOUND TO REDUCE RELIANCE ON OPIOIDS IN PAIN MANAGEMENT More Americans suffer from chronic pain than diabetes, heart disease, and cancer combined. Yet, a shortage of pain medicine specialists persists, causing many pain sufferers to seek care in primary care settings.
• 5-7-2024ROBOTIC TOTAL KNEE REPLACEMENT IMPROVES OUTCOMES BUT COSTS MORE, FINDS STUDY using robotic equipment in total knee replacement surgeries often costs more but may result in better outcomes for some patients. Total knee replacements performed with the help of a surgical robot have better outcomes on average than similar surgeries performed manually but can cost significantly more
• 5-7-2024NEW PET AGENT PROVIDES SAME-DAY IMAGING FOR CLEAR CELL RENAL CELL CARCINOMA PATIENTS A novel investigational PET imaging agent can rapidly and accurately visualize lesions in clear cell renal cell cancer (ccRCC) patients . The results of the study suggest that the agent 68Ga-DPI-4452 (Debio 0328) is superior to standard CT imaging in the context of ccRCC.
• 5-7-2024RESEARCH SHOWS ALTERED REGULATION OF GENES LINKED TO PROSTATE CANCER AMONG FIREFIGHTERS Firefighters may have an increased risk of prostate cancer due to on-the-job chemical exposures. Prostate cancer is the leading incident cancer among U.S. males. Firefighters are diagnosed with prostate cancer at a rate 1.21 times higher than the general population, possibly because of chemical exposures including smoke and firefighting foam
• 5-7-2024IF CESAREAN BIRTH RATES ARE TOO HIGH—THEY CAN BE DANGEROUS FOR MOTHERS AND BABIES Cesarean sections are essential in complicated labors such as prolonged or obstructed labor or if the baby is distressed. The World Health Organization says that while “every effort should be made to provide a cesarean section to women in need,” country cesarean rates should range between 10% and 15%.
• 5-7-2024RESEARCHERS USE FOUNDATION MODELS TO DISCOVER NEW CANCER IMAGING BIOMARKERS Researchers at Mass General Brigham have harnessed the technology behind foundation models, which power tools like ChatGPT, to discover new cancer imaging biomarkers that could transform how patterns are identified from radiological images. Improved identification of such patterns can greatly impact the early detection and treatment of cancer.
• 5-7-2024RESEARCHERS MAKE STRIDES IN UNDERSTANDING LITTLE-KNOWN AUTOIMMUNE MYELIN-IMPAIRING DISORDER Blindness and paralysis are often the devastating consequences of little-known disease myelin oligodendrocyte glycoprotein antibody-associated disease (MOGAD). An Australian research collaboration is looking to change this,
• 5-7-2024AI MAY HELP PHYSICIANS DETECT ABNORMAL HEART RHYTHMS EARLIER An artificial intelligence program developed by investigators in the Smidt Heart Institute and their Cedars-Sinai colleagues can detect a type of abnormal heart rhythm that can go unnoticed during medical appointments, according to a new study.
  
• 5-7-2024NEW ANALYSIS LINKS RESIDENT PHYSICIANS’ EXAM SCORES TO PATIENT SURVIVAL
  
• 5-7-2024ENGINEERED YEAST CAN TRANSPORT MEDICINES AND LOWER INFLAMMATION
  
• 5-7-2024NEW GENETIC MUTATION IDENTIFIED FOR CONGENITAL THYROID CONDITION
  
• 5-7-2024WHO RULES THE ROOST? RESEARCH REVEALS TOTS PLAY KEY ROLE IN SHAPING THE HOME ENVIRONMENT
  
• 5-7-2024ANTI-LGBTQ+ RESTRICTIONS AND LEGISLATION LINKED TO HOST OF NEGATIVE HEALTH EFFECTS
  
• 5-7-2024MOUSE STUDY SHOWS INTERMITTENT FASTING PROTECTS AGAINST LIVER INFLAMMATION AND LIVER CANCER
  
• 5-7-2024USING AI AND SOCIAL MEDIA TO TRACK DEPRESSION IN COMMUNITIES COULD OFFER MORE RELIABLE ASSESSMENTS THAN SURVEYS
  
• 5-7-2024TRANSFECTED SARS-COV-2 SPIKE DNA SUPPRESSES CANCER CELL RESPONSE TO CHEMOTHERAPY
  
• 5-7-2024HORMEL RECALLS PLANTERS PEANUTS AND MIXED NUTS DUE TO POSSIBLE CONTAMINATION WITH DEADLY LISTERIA
  
• 5-7-2024GROUP-BASED INTERVENTIONS ADDRESS HIV STIGMA
  
• 5-7-2024METH HOUSES: TIME FOR MORE TESTING?
  
• 5-7-2024STUDY COMPARES VESTIBULAR ENDOLYMPHATIC HYDROPS GRADING METHODS IN MENIERE DISEASE
  
• 5-7-2024RECREATIONAL ULTRAVIOLET USE TIED TO CASES OF PHOTOKERATITIS
  
• 5-7-2024BIOMARKERS + PATIENT-REPORTED OUTCOMES UP PREDICTION OF INTERSTITIAL CYSTITIS
  
• 5-7-2024STUDY FINDS GENETIC LINK BETWEEN GROWTH DURING PUBERTY AND LONG-TERM HEALTH CONDITIONS
  
• 5-7-2024US GEOGRAPHIC REGION RESULTS IN VASTLY DIFFERENT ANAL CANCER RISK FOR PEOPLE WITH HIV
  
• 5-7-2024STUDY REPORTS ON INFLAMMATORY, METABOLIC BIOMARKERS AND ACCELERATED AGING IN CARDIAC CATHETERIZATION PATIENTS
  
• 5-7-2024PHYSICIAN DISCUSSES UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES OF PATIENTS HAVING IMMEDIATE ACCESS TO TEST RESULTS
  
• 5-7-2024YEARS AFTER HIS DEATH, LATE SCIENTIST’S WORK COULD YIELD NEW CANCER TREATMENTS
  
• 5-7-2024RESEARCH SHOWS FETAL EAR SHAPE MAY INDICATE RARE GENETIC CONDITION
  
• 5-7-2024FUTURE RESEARCH ON BLADDER CANCER SHOULD FOCUS ON MECHANICAL CHANGES IN TISSUE, SUGGEST STUDY
  
• 5-7-2024STUDY SHOWS 60% OF WOMEN WITH DISABILITIES VIEW CANNABIS AS A ‘HARMLESS’ DRUG
  
• 5-7-2024NEW STUDY FINDS INCREASE IN EXPOSURES TO SYNTHETIC TETRAHYDROCANNABINOLS AMONG YOUNG CHILDREN, TEENS, AND ADULTS
  
• 5-7-2024EXAMINING CARE AND COVERAGE IN ACADEMIC HEALTH SYSTEMS
  
• 5-7-2024LONELINESS COMMON AMONG OLDER INFORMAL CAREGIVERS, SAYS REPORT
  
• 5-7-2024LIGHT PHYSICAL ACTIVITY REVERSES RISK, STUDY SHOWS
  
• 5-7-2024SMALL PUMP FOR KIDS AWAITING HEART TRANSPLANT SHOWS PROMISE IN NEW TRIAL
  
• 5-7-2024DOPPLER ULTRASOUND FEASIBLE FOR FIRST-LINE DIAGNOSIS OF GIANT CELL ARTERITIS
  
• 5-7-2024CALIFORNIA DEFICIT COULD HALT RAISES FOR DISABILITY WORKERS
  
• 5-7-2024YOU’RE BREATHING POTENTIAL CARCINOGENS INSIDE YOUR CAR, SAYS STUDY
  
• 5-7-2024WHY SLEEP SOOTHES DISTRESS: NEUROBIOLOGY EXPLAINED
  
• 5-7-2024RESEARCHERS REPORT EXCEPTIONALLY SMALL IMPLANT FOR FUTURE VISION CORRECTION
  
• 5-7-2024RESEARCHERS DEMONSTRATE A NEW MECHANISM OF NEURAL PLASTICITY UNDERLYING LEARNING AND MEMORY PROCESSES
  
• 5-7-2024ION CHANNEL DISCOVERY OFFERS HOPE FOR LONG COVID PATIENTS
  
• 5-7-2024STUDY SHOWS THAT THE CEREBELLUM IS INVOLVED IN PROCESSING EMOTIONS, WITH IMPLICATIONS FOR ATAXIA CARE
  
• 5-7-2024STUDY IDENTIFIES SIGNIFIERS OF SEVERE COVID-19 DISEASE AND DEATH
  
• 5-7-2024RESEARCHERS SUGGEST B-CELLS MAY PLAY ROLE IN LUNG TRANSPLANT REJECTION
  
• 5-7-2024STUDY HIGHLIGHTS OVERUSE OF ANTIBIOTICS IN NEWBORNS WITH SUSPECTED SEPSIS
  
• 5-7-2024THREE-DIMENSIONAL RETINAL ELECTRODES IN A CONVEX BRAILLE SHAPE PARTIALLY RESTORE SIGHT
  
• 5-7-2024KEY ROLE FOUND FOR GUT EPITHELIAL CELLS IN THE DEFENSE AGAINST DEADLY DIARRHEAL INFECTIONS
  
• 5-7-2024CELLULAR STUDY OF SCHAAF-YANG SYNDROME OFFERS BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF A RARE DISEASE THAT CAUSES INTELLECTUAL DISABILITY
  
• 5-7-2024GUT BACTERIA METABOLITE SHOWS PROMISE IN FIGHTING INFLAMMATORY BOWEL DISEASE
  
• 5-7-2024SEEKING MEDICAL INSIGHTS IN THE PHYSICS OF MUCUS
  
• 5-7-2024PROGRESSION OF HERPESVIRUS INFECTION REMODELS MITOCHONDRIAL ORGANIZATION AND METABOLISM
  
• 5-7-2024AI PREDICTS TUMOR-KILLING CELLS WITH HIGH ACCURACY, STUDY SHOWS
  
• 5-7-2024HOW THE NURSING SHORTAGE IS AFFECTING THE CANADIAN HEALTH CARE SYSTEM, PATIENTS AND NURSES THEMSELVES
  
• 5-7-2024HOW THE DRUG ABEMACICLIB TREATS BREAST CANCER
  

I am recruiting participants for a survey-based study examining how community participation in ExRedPill may affect exiting from the manosphere, Red Pill, and/or incel ideology. More specifically, I am interested in how participation in ExRedPill as a supportive community affects disengagement from manosphere ideologies and your perceptions of ExRedPill.
This study consists of a single anonymous survey that will ask about your engagement, experiences, and identification with the manosphere and ExRedPill. It will take approximately 8 to 10 minutes to complete, and no identifying information will be collected.
As an incentive for participating, you will be provided with an electronic $2.00 Amazon gift card for completing this survey. This study has been approved by ExRedPill moderators and UNC Charlotte’s Office of Research Protections and Integrity for compliance with research ethics.
To be eligible for this study, you must be fluent in English, 18 years or older, a part of ExRedPill, and have identified with manosphere ideology at some point. You must also have an Amazon account to redeem the compensation.
If you are interested in participating, please follow this link to the survey: https://surveys.qualtrics.charlotte.edu/jfe/form/SV\_erJQ0DHPVCe8BBI. Thank you for your consideration and participation.
Survey is temporarily closed until more gift cards are added. I will edit and repost once the survey is active again.

I didn't want to take a sleeping pill I will tonight but I tried to white knuckle it and slept a couple hours. Keep in mind when this shit isn't going down I sleep like a baby.....just another health benefit of living with a pwbpd....
So dear reader, allow me to ramble and keep in mind yes I know all the things, I'm not new. I'd love any support or perspectives.
Ramble on
He isn't gonna leave lol I keep replaying the tape. Why would he? He's good to go. As long as i avoid him. He's gonna keep living the life I taught him. Which is here. The life he loves. Hes doing the best hes ever done. He will back to reality eventually I suppose. Or can't stand it and reach out. Then it will be a battle of wills over whether we can discuss anything. I'll insist and he will blow up. And round and round we go. That's the way she goes.
Or maybe he'll keep packing and make go. Doubtful but slightly possible.
I just need to ignore him for awhile. It's best anyway. I feel like a jerk doing it though. As a reasonable person who cares I want conflict management, reconciliation, closure, understanding something... or acknowledgement we need to visit ir, even if he's not able rn. I give grace for grief, but this can't go on forever. He fucking threatened me with violence. I guess I want attention too. I miss him and our dailies. And i want my normal back. I want out of limbo. Like can we be civil and just table it? But no, let's suffer instead. Misery wants company. I don't like it. It's not healthy. I suppose I have never asked. I wonder how that would be received. Like look dude, everything is not okay here but can we just go on with life for the moment. This is push behavior though so thats not really the goal is it. Also, I'm a little anxious about even giving a chink in the armor...if I keep quiet, it goes on him....
"if you want me...cool...if you don't want me...cool...but what we not about to do is be confused and waste my time" Patron Goddess
Anyhoooo what else. Rambling on ..
Oh and I've been thinking we have played this pattern before too. I broke all the way up once over a physical threat. This situation is the same thing, except with the excuse of grief. It's not an excuse though.
I also keep thinking about his episode in Dec where he said he should have punched me in the face. Should have played that differently, oh well, can't do anything about it now. But I let him get away with it. I take a teeny slice on that for telling him to get out. I had months worth of banana splits though, called.off wedding, other insanity and emotional abuse. And then he went psychotic. I can forgive that one. We were solid after it all. This time idk.
And idk if we will get there anyway. He thinks his grief absolves him. It doesn't. I know still he doesn't wanna leave or go.be with anyone else. That's always.true. that part of the disorder is gone, as is major substance abuse and most of the bullshit behaviors. The abusiveness and splitting remain though for sure. And they're a fucking problem. So are projective identification and distorted perception and delusional thinking. All making up a big giant banana split and I'm the cherry on top.
I'm also concerned about what's going on for him.and that I won't catch it Is he hearing voices? Hallucinations? Our friend even noticed he wasn't tracking right yesterday,.she mentioned it. This has me worried. I dont want him to go through any of that alone if I can help. And if he's snapping I need to know So ii can get help. Don't worry dear reader, that part I'm in no danger from. That's schiz lite and i can handle it.
One more ramble I haven't done anything to poke the bear here. Since the episode Sunday I've been pretty much nothing but calm and minimally intrusive. Mainky asking if i could help with anything. Tuesday before we left Vegas was when I told him he needed to leave after he got up ranting and raving slamming doors and threatening. Even then I was calm and minimally engaged. I did tell him he was splitting and mad at himself. Thought maybe it would help, it didn't.
Okay ramble over would live thoughts.

Fluconazole 150mg is a one pill one time use only medication for yeast infection, available OTC and prescription both.
Drug identification number (DIN) 02352133 for Life brand.
Go to SDM website and search Fluconazole to check their price. It is $17.99. https://shop.shoppersdrugmart.ca/
Go to Health Canada Drug Product Database to check manufacturer of this DIN number. It is Apotex. https://health-products.canada.ca/dpd-bdpp/
Go to Ontario drug benefit formulary search to find unit price of Apo-Fluconazole. It is $3.94. https://www.formulary.health.gov.on.ca/formulary/
This is at least 356.6% mark up that we know legally.
I am a tech and my pharmacist showed me this. We both work at Loblaw Pharmacy unfortunately.

Hi, about a week ago I took 1 pill of macrobid and within the first hour or 2 I started feeling tingles, pins and needles, and a hot feeling in my left foot/leg. I wouldn't describe it as being severe but it was definitely noticeable enough for me to immediately call my doctor and he told me stop taking it and gave me bactrim instead. I'm currently not experiencing as much tingling now but I have soreness behind and beside my knee down to my calf that has been sucky but bearable until I went for a walk today 😔
Anyway, I'm trying to search through the sub and I read the pinned post for advice and it's really difficult because macrobid isn't the same type of antibiotic that affected so many of y'all. My doctor has been supportive so far but it's only been a week. I take some medications that I'm seeing aren't good for floxies (ativan .5. Mg as needed a few times a week, ambien 10 mg nightly, i also have used lunesta too before this) and idk if that applies to to my situation too. I've been taking ativan to deal with the anxiety and i feel like it eases my physical symptoms too somewhat so I'm not sure if it's bad for me. Haven't taken ambien yet since it happened but I absolutely need it for my Insomnia. I know this is a question for a doctor above all but I want to hear your opinions too. I've had no worsening symptoms until walking my dog today, I think I overexerted myself.
Also looking for any general advice or people to share their experiences about macrobid even If you don't know the answer to my question about benzos and ambien.

Edit: my question has been answered!!! I should of already went to the SS office for it was super simple to get help🤦🏽‍♂️ I apologize for the generally frustrated asking of my question, and to those who still replied and gave advice I am very thankful!
I live in texas and cannot get a decent job without an ssn card, despite knowing my number. I have tried to get my ID so I can get my Drivers license but without my physical ssn card, I cannot do either. Before I give context I ask that y’all please don’t repeat the same shit I see on Google or on the dps website, i have looked it up multiple times from multiple different sources, I have been to my local dps office and got turned away. I need advice from someone who knows what needs to be done so if possible, I can get the necessary things I need to get a replacement card. any of you people who just look it up without actually knowing the reality of what it’s like being in this situation, please go away.
I am us born citizen but since I was raised by a pill addict and my deadbeat father sold most of my stuff when I was a child (that’s the story I was told, could very well be untrue.) so its as if I’m not really a citizen. I have my ssn number, I have once had my ssn card but my mother quite literally went crazy, took it to a different state, and lost it. I cannot prove my identity by school Id card bc I never was issued one and I dropped out in 9th grade, nor can I use pay stubs or w2 forms or anything like that. I have a job but it’s completely under the table work, so I have never filed a w2 nor would I have been able to get a real job because I am looking to get jobs and every interview I get goes great, but since I don’t have my physical ssn card, I can’t get put on pay roll. I have looked it up, went to dps office and lack every single proof of identification besides my birth certificate. Since I am 18 years old I’m not sure if my parents can help me with this but i have no idea what to do, not to mention they have other things they have to worry about. I am very frustrated because I’m told to get an id to get a replacement ssn card, so I tried doing that and of course, they tell me I need to get my physical card, this is the most frustrating thing. So please I ask anybody who knows what to do in my situation, please help me.

I've been taking ambien 10 mg off and on for around a year. I'm also cycling through stimulants for ADHD and other health reasons at high doses, because smaller ones have 0 effect on me. Until very recently, I had a great routine: 10 mg ambien sublingually and 10 mg of melatonin. Would sleep six hours perfectly. For the past half-year, it has been constant.
The problems began when we tried a methylphenidate stimulant. The ambien pretty much stopped working. I'd fall asleep fine, wake up 4 hours later, then sometimes fall back asleep, sometimes not (would sometimes take 5 more mg of both melatonin and ambien). I know people will say this was a habituation problem, but it happened EXACTLY when I transitioned stimulants. Like, that VERY moment. The day before, it worked as perfectly as it did on day 1.
My doctor switched me to both ambien CR (12.5) and lunesta (2 mg) and told me to try both on differing days and switched me to a stimulant we already tried before and I tolerated perfectly. I took ambien CR for a few days to get my sleep on track - worked like a CHARM, save for one day, where I had to take another half of a CR after waking up in 5 hours (yes, even on CR).
Then I bit the bullet and resumed the stimulants. I took, preventatively, 1.5 pills of ambien CR and could not fall asleep at all. I laid in bed for 2 hours in a semi-sleep before I decided to, in a panic, put a lunesta sublingually. This made things worse. My semi-sleep became even less sleepy. In another hour, I took a lunesta normally. So by this time I had 18.75 mg of ambien CR in me, 4 mg of lunesta and melatonin. THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH TO KNOCK OUT A COW. Nothing. I did not have a wink of sleep.
I'm thinking about going to a sleep doctor who I saw once and told me that my main problems were weight loss and I'll have to tough out the insomnia until I get my wait under control and then exercise a ton.

Like the title states… what the hell is causing what?!
Symptoms I struggled with:

Depression (fixed but not 100 percent with Deplin). Anxiety (fixed but not 100 percent with Deplin). Excessive of daytime sleepiness. Overstimulated (lights,sounds,social interaction). Understimulated. Brain Fog. Feeling like I am fake? Not present. Random Energy drops. Bloating to high FODMAPs. Non-stop burping and gas. Cant pass gas. Abdominal pain. Random Pelvic floor pain. Flat Stools . Burning anus durning and after passing stool. Chickpeas is DEATH row …. Ulta rapid metabolism for every medication out there. Essential tremors. Low sex drive at times and ED. It really depends on my headspace and energy. Overstimulated? chronic insomnia (solved by Deplin)

The GI issues go away once I take antibiotics and the pelvic floor is relaxed too. But one day after the last dose everything comes back. I did 3 rounds of antibiotics (rifaximin, neomycin). Still not a breakthrough but so much better than before. Round one was bloody murder … the die off symptoms were sooo bad. I ended up in the ER twice thinking Im dying. Anyways currently I am one week in ADP oil after my 3rd round of antibiotics and I feel the die off symptoms again. Sadly I have a feeling that I will not be able to be cured. I also am setting up an appointment with a camera pill to check my GI.
Back to the topic…. Is SIBO causes me to show AuADHD symptoms? Because I feel like I don’t really fit in the ADHD or Autism community. I talk in support groups and I am the odd one out. I have seen 15 different psychiatrist, neurologist, sleep neurologist, psychologist and done basically every test out there. At the end all I have is confirmation that my brain is wired differently. Also doctors are shocked on how fast I process medication. For example vicodin last 1 hour and I need high doses. Ambien I need 15mg or Lunesta 6mg with 6mg Ativan. To feel something. THC same thing… I don’t enjoy it because it just leaves me so quick I don’t notice it. Vyvanse lasts 2.5 hours.
Current Medications list:

Dexedrine 60mg (3x20mg) Modafinil 200mg Wellbutrin 300mg Deplin 15mg vitamin D Magtein Cialis

I take my stimulants with RedBull (Neurologist approved and prescribed) because I wouldn’t feel awake or anything much. I notice I don’t need stimulants to do HW or work. It just helps to remove the brain fog and heavy weight of sleepiness. Also if I get overstimulated, caffeine or stimulants help me to come back. It comforts me. I have tried other medications and this is the best combination I ever had. Sadly It doesn’t help my mood or energy levels as much as the first two weeks I started with.
So what the heck?!? I am so lost? Is it just SIBO or I won the Lottery with all 3? I also wonder if there are others who have similar experiences.

This is a long story – and I apologize for that. I figured I should tell the whole story, for both you – and for my adult children. I’m not comfortable with leaving a note behind. Also, everything in this is true and can be PROVEN. I’m willing to entertain this while I’m still here. If you want proof of anything written below, just ask and I’ll provide the proof you request. I probably have maybe 3 weeks left – to make it, or to give up AGAIN. Thanks!
My father severely abused me from the time I was in diapers until I was big enough and man enough to stand up to him. He would leave bleeding welts on top of older bruised welts. I once showed my 6th grade teacher thinking I would be kept safe, and the only thing that happened was she talked to him and more abuse. He hit me in my head often, knocked me unconscious, and called me stupid. He is responsible for the low self-esteem and low self-image I carried with me throughout my life. I never felt worthy of anything or anyone.
I did meet a beautiful girl 21 when I was 23. She was in an abusive marriage and wanted out. I don’t know if she really fell in love with me, or used me to save her from her current situation. I did fall in love with her though. We got married (a year and a half after her divorce) and had 2 kids.
I was in a bad car accident and became addicted to the pain pills. Instead of supporting treatment or rehab, she packed up herself and the kids, and left me. She moved in with her dad.
I sank into a depression and my addiction progressed. It evolved to heroin. I got caught and was sentenced to 5 years in prison.
She moved back into the house. I did overcome my addiction and quit in 2008 while in prison. She started writing to me when I had one year left to serve before my release from prison. She never did tell me she loved me, but told me that she missed me, felt safe and secure with me, and blah, blah, blah… She was in another abusive relationship again though, and I guess she needed to be rescued again. I still don’t know if she ever loved me, but I was in love with her, and planned to move back home and reclaim my family – my wife, my kids, my home.
6 months before my release, the truth came out. She was away from the abusive guy, and needed support. She needed food stamps, Medicaid, and WIC and had to file for divorce in order to qualify for the benefits. WIC? Yeah, more of the truth – she had 2 more kids with the abusive crackhead (literally).
1 month before my release, she notified me that she had let him come back a few months ago, because she needed his financial support. I also found out that this dude had my wife, and my 2 sons (then 15 and 17) smoking weed and that Mojo Spice synthetic crap. My kids actually quit school!!! I had to get home and clean up my house and get my family back the way it’s supposed to be.
I got back home after 5 yrs.in prison (03/2013), got rid of him, and fixed my family. It didn’t happen overnight, but we slowly got back to normal. It took about a year. She actually ‘showed’ her love for me. Maybe she had a hard time saying it because of her traumatic experiences with domestic abuse. IDK. We planned on getting remarried in a year or so.
My wife developed a bad cough, and by Christmas 2014, she kept dropping things – phone, drinks, silverware, whatever. I took her to the hospital. The MRI showed 7 lesions in her brain. They believed the Spice/Mojo caused a lung cancer that rapidly spread to her lymph nodes and then to her brain. Prognosis – 4 to 6 months. The radiation made her very sick. She rather spend her last few months with as little sickness as possible and refused all future treatments.
I never stopped loving her and I feel like I was about to be cheated out of something I never did get to get to fully enjoy. I needed to make every moment count and I stayed by her bedside. She passed after 5 months (05/2015). I didn’t work those 5 months, fell into deep depression 5 to 6 months because part of me died too, and we didn’t have life insurance. After trying to pay everything, I ran out of money and lost everything. I became homeless.
My wife said the Bible says, “Ashes to ashes.. “ and she wanted to be ashes. She didn’t want to be put on display and remembered in the condition the cancer left her in – skin on bones and bald. She picked the picture she wanted used at her memorial service, and wanted to be cremated. I did exactly as she wished. Her catholic family didn’t believe she wanted to be cremated, and accused me of taking the cheap way out. I could get no financial assistance from my in-laws (ex in-laws). My parents were dead, and my kids were now 17 and 19. My wife’s family helped my kids, but I had no one to help me. Homelessness was inevitable. My ex-in-laws bailed me out of the foreclosure on the house, but I could no longer live there. They only did it for my kids. I couldn’t pay for the utilities or food, so my kids stayed in our house and I had to leave, so my in-laws (ex) would help support my kids until they could become financially independent, or until I could get my life together and buy back my house (or another one).
I had a couple cousins and friends open their homes to me, but I could obviously see my presence causing a strain on their relationships. I left for the homeless shelter. My first night there, someone stole my bag while I was sleeping, and I had nothing but the clothes on my back. I no longer had an ID and couldn’t stay at the homeless shelter again without one. I was really on the streets the end of 2015.
I never wanted to be a panhandler and hold up a cardboard sign at a traffic intersection, but I had to become that person. It was so degrading – especially with everyone yelling, “Go get a job loser!” Who would hire someone with no identification card, no address, no transportation, no bank account for direct deposit, someone who hasn’t showered, had a haircut, or a change of clothes in over 6 months???
Near the end of 2016, the cops saw me panhandling and recognized me from a missing persons flyer. He told me to call the people who reported me missing – the nursing home. The nurse stated that my mother was dying and really wanted to see me before she died. I told her that I’ll come as soon as possible. She said, “That was 5 months ago. Your mom passed away almost 4 months ago, in mid 2016.”
I was determined to beat homelessness by panhandling. I would panhandle 12 hours a day, and save as much as I could. I could survive on $10 for food, and would save everything else I’d collect. I averaged between $25 and $40 a day. I became homeless when people were already tired of panhandlers at every traffic light. It was hard to make any money panhandling. Most homeless people were alcoholics and drug addicts, and it seemed everyone knew it – and I blended in with them, I guess. I actually had homeless drug addicts asking to borrow money from me. Dude, I’m homeless just like you… I guess nothing can be hidden in plain sight. I guess they watched how many times I collected a dollar or two, and realized I hardly spent any. I don’t know, but they knew I had some money.
I had almost $1500 in cash, and I was so close to beating homelessness. In March 2017 while I was looking for odd jobs, a guy rode up to me on a bicycle, pulled out a gun, put it to my head and said, “Give it all to me.” I’m not going to let someone just shoot me in the head. I put up a fight, and in the struggle for the gun, he twisted it into my chest and pulled the trigger. He shot me in the chest and the bullet barely missed my heart. Because of the positioning, the bullet traveled through my intestines, hit and fractured my pelvic bone and lodged in my left-back waistline. I woke up in the ICU with an incision from the top of my chest down to below my abdomen – and I had a colostomy bag.
I lost my wife, lost everything else, became homeless, lost my mom and missed telling her goodbye, got robbed and shot, and now had a colostomy bag. I was discharged from the hospital to bedrest, to keep my wound clean, and was supposed to change the colostomy bag daily. I couldn’t get medical supplies or colostomy bags. They are mailed by McKesson, and I didn’t have an address. I used 1 colostomy bag for several weeks and had it duct taped to my stomach. It kept leaking. I couldn’t take anymore. I reached my breaking point and wanted to die – immediately!!!
A few homeless people overdosed on fentanyl and some died on $10 and $20 bags. I decided that’s how I would go. I panhandled and saved $68. I got with a homeless drug addict and bought him a $20 bag for hooking me up, and bought a ½ gram and a syringe for $50 ($48). I went to the middle of the park and did almost all of it in one shot. The $20 bag overdosed Brian, but the $50 didn’t overdose me. I don’t understand, because I haven’t even drank since 2008. It was over 9 years since I did anything. I don’t know. It did make me seriously loaded/high though. It didn’t kill me, but it made me feel good and it poisoned my thinking - I didn’t have to think or care. I still wanted to die though…
As long as I used the fentanyl, suicide wasn’t so urgent. I was able to live. I wasn’t able to cope. I was only able to live a while longer by suppressing the suicidal thoughts. Without it, I probably would have run out in front of a speeding truck or something. I was able to panhandle without caring, and I was able to take a little better care of myself. I was able to convince my surgeon that I was no longer homeless, and I got him to reverse the ostomy. My life was getting better.
In 2018, my intestines pushed through the incision giving me a 12cm stage 2 incisional hernia. In 2019 I had my 3rd major surgery to repair the hernia.
My life was surely improving, but still sucked. The only thing that could possibly prevent suicide and stop the drugs would be beating homelessness. In March 2020 the world pandemic came. The local government put all of the homeless in hotels and motels. I now had a temporary address and filed for food stamps, the 2 stimulus checks, and pandemic unemployment. I made a plan to use the pandemic money ONLY to get off the streets. I became chemically dependent on the fentanyl, but became a handyman for the motel and used that income to support my dependency.
I used my pandemic money only to buy a 2018 Nissan in 2020 with only 23k miles on it, rented a house with a big yard, and bought enough tools to start my own handyman business. The only thing left to do was kick the dependency. I say ‘chemically dependent’ and not ‘addicted’, because I had no psychological obsession and compulsion for the stuff. I didn’t like the way it made me feel anymore. I didn’t like it poisoning my thoughts anymore. I only had a physical need for it to be able to function. Otherwise I went through withdrawal sickness.
I was able to go to a detox hospital, and they only let me stay 7 days (Medicaid won’t cover any longer than that). I didn’t experience any withdrawals until day 6. I was being discharged the next day. I had to get on MATs (Suboxone). I didn’t like it, and went with the Sublocade injection. I weaned myself off of that and I’m completely drug-free now.
Unfortunately, my business suffered when I went to the detox hospital. I planned on staying in contact with my contract customers, but the detox hospital lost my wallet with my list of phone numbers during intake. Cell phones are not allowed, so I brought my number list with me. I lost my 2 biggest contracts. I planned on stringing them along for the week, but no contact for an entire week violated our contract. I went from making $2000 to $3000 a week to $2000 a month.
I recently had my endocrine system crash and I became very sick. My body stopped producing hormones and other things. I had no energy, I was tired all the time, and I gained 80 lbs in less than 6 months. I went from 185 to almost 270 lbs. I got so big, I couldn’t breathe when trying to tie my shoes.
I’m on testosterone injections and other meds now. My health is getting a little better, but my business is gone. I have no customers left. I haven’t had much income in months. I’ve been living off of my savings. My savings is gone. I’ve tried to find a job, but I’m 56 yrs old, out of shape and not in the best health, and other than my own small business, I have no verifiable employment history in the past 10 years. Either I’m overqualified, underqualified, too old, no employment history, a convicted felon, etc. I’m about to lose everything again. I refuse to become homeless again. I’d rather be dead. I could sell my tools, but then I might as well plan on never working again. The last time I reached my breaking point, I really tried to kill myself on an overdose of fentanyl. I’m not scared to do it again. This time, the syringe I have (for the testosterone injections) is a LOT bigger. I could probably fit 10x as much. I’m not scared to fall asleep and never wake up again. I’ve been super lonely since Lisa died. I feel I have nothing more to live for anymore anyway. Being 56 now, my life is basically over anyway. I’ve come a long way. I’ve come too far to lose it all and become homeless again.
This isn’t a cry for help and I’m not attention-seeking. This post is more for my kids to understand why I chose this way. They have their own lives now, and there’s nothing they can do to make my life better anyway. I’ve been lonely too long, and now I can’t afford to pay my bills anymore. I refuse to be homeless again. If I can find a way to cover my bills, it would definitely buy me some more time. I just don’t want to be lonely much longer either. If something great happens, great! If not, I’ll be gone in about 3 weeks. I’ll probably be evicted right after the first week of May. If so, bye cruel world! Come to think about it… Lisa passed away on May 9, 2015. I could go May 9, 2024.
I’m not religious anymore either. I lost all of that over the years… Please don’t tell me that I’m still here because God has a plan for me, or anything like that. If this is his plan, his plan (my whole life basically) sucks, and I don’t want any part of it anymore!!! My life has gotten so much better since losing my religion. It feels better to not think a loving God gave me this life. And please don’t preach. I’m a atheist now, and only God himself could prove his existence and convert me back to a theist. Thanks!

First time Reddit poster here, and I thought I would share my experiences (so far) of my epilepsy journey. Sorry if it’s a bit dragged out, but I’m hoping my experiences can help others and to know you’re not alone and to never give up hope 🩷
Back in 2017 when I was 27, I started to have “anxiety attacks” but I put it down to the late nights, drinking and partying. I would get one every couple of months and me being a typical male, I thought nothing of them. I remember asking my best friend who I used to party a lot with “do you ever get these things where it’s like you remember a dream, but it feels so real?” His reply was that he didn’t, so I shrugged it off. I now realise that what I was experiencing was déjà vu, a big sign of temporal lobe epilepsy.
Years went by and I continued to have these “anxiety attacks” but they started to become more and more frequent. Eventually I was having them multiple times a day and by November 2023 I was having up to 4 a day.
2023 was a particularly stressful year for me, I lost my Mum to cancer, my job is very stressful and me and my partner had just bought our first house.
I had been speaking to a therapist using Better Help to help with my anxiety and she was brilliant, but I just wasn’t getting better.
My working year usually runs from about March to October, I worked offshore supervising subsea remotely operated vehicles conducting subsea inspections of structures such as oil rigs, wind turbines and sometimes I would do fun stuff like unexploded ordnance identification and removal.
My mother passed away at the beginning of March, and by the end of March I was back to work. 12 hour shifts for 4 weeks straight, I would then have 4 weeks off but I wasn’t really relaxing because of the house move and doing general DIY. This 4 week offshore / 4 weeks home rotation lasted until the end of October.
At the beginning of November things started to get… interesting. I had a massive breakdown, I’ve never known a fear like it, I was constantly worried and I didn’t know why. I could barely sleep, I was having massive panic attacks, and I was having 4 of these “anxiety attacks” a day.
I finally went to the doctors about this and told her everything that had happened over the year and everything that was happening to me, I told her about my strange anxiety attacks and she suggested that I take Propranolol (beta blocker) to calm me down. While the propranolol did slow my heart rate down, I was still unbelievably anxious. I think the propranolol actually caused me to have insomnia as well, I would go days with barely any sleep, maybe an hour or 2 a night. I eventually realised that I needed something more than a beta blocker, so I phoned my doctor and she suggested I start on an anti-depressant and I started taking sertraline on December 1st 2023.
Now wow… just wow… I knew anti-depressants could be a bit of a rollercoaster but I wasn’t expecting that! My “anxiety attacks” got way stronger, I still had the feeling of intense fear, I was constantly crying, I couldn’t sleep, I was scared to leave the house, I was scared to be alone and I was barely eating. I did force myself to get out of the house and go for walks in the forest which did help in a way, but I still just wasn’t getting better.
I had been with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years when this all kicked off, and she had never seen me have one of my “anxiety attacks” because they always happened at random times and were very hard to catch. Eventually she saw me have one and said “that is definitely not an anxiety attack”. For me, the attacks would last a split second, that’s why I didn’t think anything of them, but my girlfriend informed me that they were lasting anything up to 30 seconds. I just couldn’t believe it, I thought that there was no way they were lasting that long.
She started doing some research and realised that a lot of my symptoms shared the same traits as a seizure. I quickly dismissed it because I had looked at the same thing a few years previously and was in denial that they were seizures.
In January 2024 I realised I had to do something about this, I had no quality of life and the anxiety attacks were obviously seizures.
I went back to my doctor and I explained everything that had happened again, she said it’s just the anxiety and to increase the anti-depressant dose. Over the next month I had a lot of visits to my doctor and every time it was dismissed that they were seizures. I really pushed it and got booked in for an initial examination with a neurologist. After the consultation i then had an MRI of my head.
In February 2024 I had the biggest seizure I had experienced, it wasn’t a tonic clonic but I did lose conciseness for a couple of seconds. My girlfriend came straight home from work and drove me to the Accident and Emergency department. They did absolutely nothing to help and just said “yeah, it’s probably epilepsy” and sent me on my way. I felt crushed, I just wanted answers. A few days later I ended up back in A&E because of another bad seizure, I was uncontrollably shacking and couldn’t stop myself. Again… I was sent home with nothing. Again, I felt crushed and defeated.
I told my neurologists manager about this and she was furious, in her words… “what, so you go into hospital with a neurological issue, and they just send you home without any form of help?!”
I had an EEG in mid February and now I know everyone needs a holiday… but my neurologist going on holiday for 3 weeks just as I had my EEG wasn’t the best timing for me! Haha. Luckily my doctor prescribed me some diazepam to take until I had my results, it really calmed the seizures down, but annoyingly I wasn’t allowed to take it long term.
Thankfully my neurologist’s manager said that if I can find another neurologist to look at the MRI and EEG results, she would forward everything on. So it turns out there’s a massive shortage of neurologists in the U.K. and the hunt began! Eventually me and my girlfriend found one that was a few hours away and he was willing to see us.
In my appointment he gave me the rundown on my results, he said there is scarring on my temporal lobe and that my EEG results were showing abnormal intermittent activity over the temporal regions. He said there was no need to do an extended EEG as there was enough evidence to show that I have temporal lobe epilepsy and was having complex focal aware seizures. I asked him if he was going to start me on medication and thankfully he said yes and I could start it that evening.
I was started on Lamotrigine which as a lot of you know has a very slow titration period, I was told to go up by 25mg a week until I reach a dose of 500mg a day, 250mg in the morning and 250mg in the evening. I started to notice improvements after the first week, my seizures started to become less intense. I started to have days where I wouldn’t have a seizure, some days I would just have these weird tingly seizures which never amounted to anything.
At the time of writing this (April 2024) I have just gone 1 whole week without having a seizure! That’s the first time in years that I’ve gone this long without one. This is at a dose of 200mg a day, I’m still having the odd moment where I think I’m about to have one, but I can only see myself improving as I continue to go up on the dose.
The biggest annoyance at the moment is needing to be seizure free for 12 months to get my driving licence back, and to be seizure free for 6 months until I can get my offshore medical again. But in the grand scheme of things, it’s not that long to wait.
And that’s where I’m at now, I haven’t felt this good in years and my anxiety has gone. It’s amazing how pill-phobic I was when this all began but it turns out that the scientists that make these drugs know what they’re on about! Who would of thought 😂
I hope this wasn’t too dragged out, it’s a bit of a long read but even if this helps just one person, I’ll be happy. I went through absolute hell and I never thought I was going to get better, but here I am, happy and content.
Never give up hope people, you’ll get there, it may not be now or next week, but I promise that things will improve.
If you have any questions about mine or your experiences I’ll be happy to answer them the best I can 🩷
Thanks for reading 🙂

Help! Nothing else helps me sleep but I’ve gained almost 50 pounds in two years! I’ve never been this heavy. I walk a few miles 3 times a week and I tried intermittent fasting and eating lots of veggies. I was the same weight for 20 years and after doxepin everything changed. I’m 50 and went through menopause 8 years ago and had a hysterectomy 6 months ago. My doctor reccomended estrogen therapy. But I haven’t started it yet. Please someone give me some advice. What can I take for sleep? I’ve tried Ambien, temazepam, Xanax, hydroxazine, Lunesta, trazedone. I currently take doxepin, Xanax and hydroxazine with Costco sleeping pill and melatonin. That’s the only combo that works for me. Trazedone gives me a headache in the morning so I can’t do that. Any other suggestions? I can’t stand being this heavy.

My mind is gone. I see him everywhere I go. I see him in every reflection, in every dark corner, and in the eyes of every person I see. My mind is gone, my life is over. Before you get the wrong idea, this isn’t THAT kind of post. I’ll still be alive for a long time after I post this. Afterall, once I do die, I’ll be in his clutches. There is no escape, there is only delaying the inevitable.
For those who read my last post, the “him” I’m talking about is the man with the weirdly shaped head that tormented my dear friend, Violet. The man who turned my friend into a murderer, and the same man who I suspect had a hand in driving Craig’s dad to kill those children. Now, these two cases seem to not have anything to do with each other at first glance. However, there is one connecting element: me. I’m the one drawing this creature to the people I love. I’m the lightning rod for this entity’s corruption. I tried my hardest to help put a stop to his machinations, however, there is no stopping him.
I’ll start where my last post left off. I had gone to visit my childhood friend, Craig. I had to go out of state to visit. By the time the trip had come up, I hadn’t seen the man in weeks. Craig and I met up at a small coffee shop. He had wanted to meet up at a game store, but I wanted someplace a little quieter and with less people. He found me pretty easy, the tattoo that Violet had given me made me stick out of the crowd somewhat.
If my experiences had molded me, Craig’s had shattered him. He was skinny, very skinny. His skin was covered in prison tattoos and his hair was buzzed almost to the scalp. He showed signs of prolonged drug abuse. His hand shook as he placed his deck on the tiny round table. It was hard to tell if he was currently using or not. His smile was warm and bright, it felt quite nostalgic in fact. His smile brought a smile to my own face, making my worries melt away like sweet ice cream. The two of us embraced over the table, almost knocking my half-drunk latte onto the floor. It had been 20 years since I had seen Craig, and my wait was now over.
We sat down and I ordered a mocha for Craig. His smile faded as he leaned in, getting serious. “I’m not up for talking about what happened when we were kids, as you can see, it fucked me up big time. I know you might be looking for some kind of closure, but I’m not mentally capable of giving it right now.”
I felt deflated, but I understood. He had answers, but those answers came from living with a monster since the day he was born. I can understand why he wouldn’t want to talk about what happened. I nodded. I intended to respect his wishes. Still though, I needed answers, I would need to get them elsewhere.
“I heard about your friend, Violet, I’m sorry. I read about it in the newspaper,” Craig said.
The image of Violet, drenched in blood and regurgitated ink flashed in my mind. I had almost forgotten it when I had been reunited with Craig. I stared into the coffee as the waitress brought over Craig’s drink. “I didn’t know you could read,” I said, I had hoped my joke would make Craig fee like I was doing better than I was.
Craig was certainly caught off guard. He chuckled and remarked, “yes, I can also count all the way up to eleven-teen.” His joke did actually lift my spirits a bit. I started looking over his tattoos, they were crude. I wasn’t into criminal culture, so I didn’t know the significance behind most of them. All I really knew was teardrop meant murderer, which Craig, thankfully, didn’t have. As I was gathering my thoughts, Craig pulled out his Magic the Gathering deck.
Craig and I started playing. He whooped my ass hard. We talked about how things had been going in our lives. Apparently, Craig had gotten into programming. That put a point to Craig having made that hack. I asked if his dad was a programmer. His face got stern. Right, he didn’t want to talk about that. He gave me a terse nod before resuming with his turn. His dad was one too, so either of them could have made it. The conversation was tense for a moment before I made another joke that made him snort mocha out of his nose.
Towards the end of our third game, my butt having been thoroughly kicked several times over by now, I showed Craig a drawing. It was a sketch of the man I had done while I was on the plane. He glanced at it, his face showing no sign of recognition. Dejected, I put the picture away. Craig played a card and said “okay, I destroy all of your creatures.”
“Boy, if you’re gonna fuck me this bad, you should take me out to dinner first,” I remarked.
“Maybe I will,” Craig teased, bringing a slight flush to my cheeks.
I cleared my throat and pulled at my collar. I hadn’t expected that from Craig, nor that kind of reaction from myself. While a date sounded fun, I did have other things I wanted to do while I was here. I had signed up to test out a new sleeping drug, and needed to be at the lab in a couple of hours. It would give me a bit of money for me to use during the visit.
“SO ANYWAYS” I interjected a bit more loudly than I meant to, accidentally making the barista look our way, “watch any new anime?”
“Well, nothing new, but I did recently caught up on That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime,” Craig said, leading into a conversation that lasted a good long while.
After Craig and I parted, I headed to the lab. It wasn’t some extravagant building like you would see in the movies. It was just some small nondescript building that looked like it had once been a laundromat. The interior looked professional enough. When I went to the front desk and presented my identification number and flashed my state ID, I was greeted by an older lady in a lab coat. She identified herself as Dr. Garcia, she had a calming voice, she seemed like the kind of woman I wish had been my own grandma. I had been stuck with a racist, sexist, homophobic Southern cow who drove my grandpa to an early grave. Having a well mannered scientist as a grandma would have been pretty sweet.
Dr. Garcia walked me to a small curtained off area and talked me through the procedures. There were some speakers that were designed to disrupt my sleep, basically stress testing the drug. They would keep me until about 3 in the morning, after which they would wake me up and send me on my way. Hopefully my grogginess from the drug wouldn’t lead me to walk into the street and reenact the insurance fraud mission from Saint’s Row.
Dr. Garcia spent a frustratingly long time reviewing my medical information with me that I had already given over the phone when I first signed up for this. After this, she took my vitals, had me change into a hospital gown and put some sensors on me. Finally, she gave me a small cup with two white pills and a bottle of water. Finally, this had been boring as hell, I was half asleep by now anyways. I lay down, closing my eyes, and allowed sleep to overtake me.
I awoke in my childhood room, but it wasn’t my normal childhood room. It was my room as depicted in that Pokemon hack from all those years ago. I looked like the real me though. I walked around the room, running my hand over the pixelated sheets. I seemed in control, so it must have been a lucid dream. I looked out the window. I could see Craig’s dad’s bedroom window. I felt dirty, a shiver went through my body. It almost felt like he was looking at me right now. I thought about myself being in that basement.
I heard a familiar giggle, muffled by the closed door behind me. I turned quickly. It sounded like Violet. I ran to the door and opened it quickly. I heard footsteps running down the hall. I ran after, trying to catch up. I heard a splat as I stepped into the dining room. The floor was covered in blood, not pixelated blood like the rest of my surroundings, but real blood. My head throbbed. Whose blood was this? I heard Violet’s giggling coming from the living room. Then I heard her say, “he looks like he could be sleeping!”
The next voice made my heart literally jump up into my throat. “Yes, Violet, my dear. What would he be dreaming about?” It was Craig’s dad’s voice. It sounded more floaty and sinister than I remember, but it was unmistakable. I swallowed my heart back down into my chest, I would need that for later. I then burst into the living room.
Sitting on the couch was Craig, he both looked like how he did as a kid, how he does now, and his NPC form from the hack. I couldn’t tell if was subtly shifting between forms, was just all three stacked on top of one another, or if he was made out of different parts of his three parts. The image hurt my eyes. His throat had a deep gash, but the gash was mouthing words. I couldn’t understand what it was saying, I couldn’t read lips. Flanking each side of my childhood friend’s corpse were Violet, and Craig’s dad.
His dad looked at me through glasses he never wore when I knew him. His eyes hungered for me, making my skin crawl. He smiled, exposing his yellowed rotting teeth. Violet herself had blackened eyes, a strange ooze dripping from both them and her once ruby red lips. Violet skipped over to me, planting a sticky black kiss on my cheek.
I went over to Craig’s disorienting body. I put a hand on his chest, shaking slightly. At the bottom of my vision, I could see text appear: “It is a corpse.”
I looked at Craig’s dad. His smile spread wider and wider, exposing more teeth than existed in the human mouth. His mouth opened wide. Black ooze was gushing out of his mouth like a torrent of demonic ichor. From the darkness of his maw, I could see someone walking towards me. I turned quickly, my heart racing and threatening to burst out of my chest. I didn’t want to see who was coming for me. I ran faster and faster but I wasn’t getting any further away. Violet was laughing at me. Craig’s neck wound was laughing at me too. I could hear the footsteps getting closer and closer. I had to escape but couldn’t. I looked over my shoulder.
The man’s face was poking out from Craig’s dad’s mouth, staring right at me. His eyes were wide, as if staring into my soul. My heart burst out of my chest, showering Craig’s dad with viscera. I collapsed to my knees, staring into the man’s wide mad eyes. The man looked down at me. The man spoke with my own voice, “you’ve gone quite mad, Alice.” Finally, his jaw unhinged, as if to swallow my head whole. A distorted electronic alarm blared from his throat, finally awakening me from the dream.
I sat up in the bed, screaming loudly. Dr. Garcia came over and tried to comfort me. She ran me through some cognitive exercises to ground me back to reality. She reminded me one of the side effects of the drugs was the possibility of vivid dreams. I was huffing and puffing for a solid ten minutes before I finally calmed down.
After I got dressed, I called up Craig. I didn’t know if he was at work or asleep. I hoped either way I wasn’t disrupting him. He answered after a couple rings. He had been doing some online gaming. I asked if I could crash on the couch. I needed to see him in person after that dream. Every time I closed my eyes, I could see that disturbing visage of Craig. He agreed to come pick me up.
Dr. Garcia had given me a bunch of forms and a few other sleeping pills. It wasn’t enough to overdose, just enough to continue the test in my everyday life. They knew I was on vacation, it was actually part of why they chose me to be part of the test. They wanted to see how the pills would affect people in unfamiliar environments.
Craig soon arrived in his beat up shit-mobile. I’m not a car guy, I just know it had four wheels, and a lack of mirrors and lights where there should be those things. We got back to his place, which was basically a broom closet with a gamer setup. Craig asked me how the test went. I told him he didn’t want to know given the warning he gave me earlier. He was taken aback by that but after a bit he relented.
“I understand that what happened to you must have messed you up too,” Craig said, “if you want to tell me, tell me.”
I was silent for a while, during that time the entirety of Korn’s Freak on a Leash song played on Craig’s cracked phone. I eventually told him all about the dream. The description left him speechless. I could see a twinge of guilt in his eyes. He put a hand on mine. I doubt he knew what to say, I know I wouldn’t if I were in his shoes. I squeezed his hand, appreciating the gesture. We spent the rest of the night playing Street Fighter, eventually passing out on the bed around 6 or so. My sleep was dreamless, thankfully.
The next afternoon, Craig headed into work, leaving me on my own. While he was gone, I started doing some research on the man with the weirdly-shaped head. All my research kept bringing me back to Violet and the murder she had committed. She was still on the run. I called my parents, making sure they were okay. While my mom and brother were at work, my dad answered and put my fears to rest.
I decided to take a walk to clear my head. I thought back to the man. I thought back to seeing him after Violet went on the run. Who was he? I thought about how Craig’s dad seemed to almost birth the man in my dream. Was he seeing the man when he went mad? He had to have, when I knew Craig’s dad, he didn’t seem like a monster. Surely something was messing with him, causing him to do these things. No way a monster like that could raise someone like Craig.
The days passed, I took the pills over the course of that time. However, each time my sleep was dreamless. I kept hoping to go back into that dream and talk to the man again. The only slight dream I had during that time was on the second night when I saw a rabbit for a fraction of a second before dreamlessness.
As I spent more time with Craig, we grew closer. Even with his skinniness, him coming out of the bathroom in a towel made my heart flutter. I tried to remedy his skinniness with my home cooking. The money I was getting from the test was helping me pay for the meals. I almost felt like a househusband for a bit, a thought that made me a bit giddy.
On the fifth night, we were playing Street Fighter again. Craig had a few beers, I wasn’t drinking because of the test. I was down to my last dose. Spirits were high. We caught each other’s gaze as I finally got a victory against him. He made the first move by kissing me deeply. The kiss led to another thing, I think you can guess. Afterwards, the two of us lay in each other’s arms, breathing heavily. I didn’t know these feelings had been bubbling between us when we first reunited. However, for the first time since I lost Violet, it had given me hope. I fell asleep, listening to his heartbeat.
I had another dream.
I was in the pixelated living room. Craig’s corpse wasn’t there. Neither were Craig’s dad nor Violet. The blood was also gone. The only thing out of place was the phrase “very very late” written on the wall in ink. I looked around the house. No one was here. Where the hell could he be? I put a hand on my chest. There was still a hole in my chest from my last dream.
“Looking for this?” my own voice asked from behind me. It was him, it was the man, holding my heart in his hand. I reached out to grab it but suddenly it was gone. I stumbled as I phased through the man like he was made out of air. I turned to face him once again. Now he was on the other end of the room. With a blink, he was standing outside the window. Another blink, and I was awake, my face in Craig’s tattooed chest.
The test was over, so I turned in my paperwork that morning. Dr. Garcia talked over some things with me and gave me a phone number to call in case of emergencies. I received my final check. I decided to splurge and make some fajitas for Craig and I. As I walked around the grocery store collecting ingredients, I kept thinking back to the dream. The man seemed to be taunting me now. I had to see him again.
While the pills weren’t a guarantee, they did help get me into that dream realm, so I picked up some Benadryl to help me reach that state. I also picked up some beers for Craig and I to share. I thought about the night before. My plane ride home would be the next day. I didn’t want to go. Call it foolish if you want, but I wanted to stay there with him. Sure, it wasn’t glamorous, but there was something between us. So I did something reckless. I quit my job.
When I got back, I made dinner for the two of us again and we got to talking. Craig was certainly shocked by my news. We weren’t even officially together after all. I told him I wanted to change that, I told him I wanted to be with him.
“But we barely know each other. We haven’t seen each other in 20 years, we’ve only been back in touch for a week,” Craig said, seemingly wanting me to see sense. However, I felt then I was already seeing sense. We talked for hours, going back and forth. He agreed to give things a shot, but he wanted to take things slow. He wanted me to get my own place and to build my own life before getting more serious. I agreed to his terms.
That night was dreamless. So was the next night and the next. Each night I tried to get back into that dream realm but was met with failure. Benadryl wasn’t helping. I increased the dose. Still nothing, I would maybe hear some giggling right before waking up but nothing more. This was getting so frustrating, I needed answers from this man. I wanted to know why he was doing the things he was doing.
I had been putting in applications for dishwashing positions, eventually getting a job after a week and a half. Craig and I didn’t see much of each other after that. He and I both worked irregular hours. Though I think he appreciated having an extra income in the home. He was certainly gaining some weight from my cooking. He was starting to look healthy.
My family was super worried about me leaving so suddenly. They were rightfully freaked out, but they were glad things were seemingly working out for me. I had realized after a while this was certainly reckless as hell, but I felt confident regardless. I think when my mom heard what Craig wanted me to do, she gained a certain level of respect for him. I hate to admit it, but I think they were glad I wasn’t in town with Violet on the loose.
The new job was pretty nice. My boss wasn’t a total piece of shit, only a partial one. Sure, the waitstaff ignored me like they did at my last job. However, the cooks seemed to like me. The guy I replaced was apparently a lazy piece of shit so they appreciated my hard work. After my shifts, myself and the cooks would have “safety” meetings. If you know, you know. About a month into the new job, I told one of my new coworkers about my inability to dream. I told them about the experimental pills and my futile efforts to dream using Benadryl.
“Naw man, ya gotta use something stronger,” one of the cooks said. After making sure no one was listening, he talked about some medicine that would really get me into the zone. I knew exactly what he was hinting at. Given Craig’s history with drugs, I doubt he would appreciate me going down that road. I turned him down. That wouldn’t last long.
That night, I had another dream. It wasn’t lucid this time. I was a spectator. I saw a waitress I worked with tied to a chair. Craig, his dad, and Violet were standing over her. Craig was holding a knife. “You’ve got this son,” Craig’s dad was quietly egging on his son. I tried to scream and get Craig’s attention, but I had no mouth to scream with. I watched as Violet placed a knife in Craig’s hand, the one he had been holding having seemingly vanished. The waitress squirmed, her hair flailing wildly as she tried to escape. I tried anything I could to get Craig’s attention but I was pretty much a phantom pair of eyes. I watched in horror as Craig started cutting strips of flesh from the waitress’s arms, exposing muscle tissue beneath. Her screams of terror and agony were gut wrenching.
“See what beautiful music he makes,” I hear my own voice say. He is nearby, and his message is clear. I awoke and rushed to the bathroom to puke.
The next day after work, I told my coworker I wanted to take his offer. He sold me some prescription pills. I was scared to take them though. By this point, Craig had opened up and told me some stories of his low points with his drug addiction. Out of respect for him, I won’t mention them here. I’ll just say he struggled hard. I felt like I would be disrespecting him and his struggles if I voluntarily started going down that road. Still, I didn’t want him to become corrupted like Violet and his dad were. I would need to exercise extreme caution with these pills. I had seen From Hell, that movie with Johnny Depp. I saw how they COULD work, but also knew it was a slippery slope.
The first night didn’t give me any results. The next only brought me running down an infinite pixelated hallway trying to catch up to the man. This dream would repeat once a week, but it was dreamless the rest of the time. Meanwhile, Craig was getting more and more worried about me. He knew something was up. To ease off his suspicions, I would have nights where I don’t take anything. However, those nights were the worst. The dreams of Craig carving up someone would come up. The first dream had been the waitress, each repetition would bring up someone I was closer and closer to. After my brother appeared in a dream, I made sure to take at least one every night.
The pills were getting more and more expensive. My coworker, now my dealer, was jacking up the prices now that he had me by the curlies. I hated the pills, but I needed them if I was going to find a way to save Craig. I had to do this. The dreams would become less vivid, so I would up the dosage. Craig and I’s erratic schedules meant Craig didn’t see me at my worst normally, but he was definitely suspicious. We argued a lot. I had stopped cooking, he had to pick up the slack. I think he knew I was on drugs, he just didn’t want to admit it. I think he was in denial.
One day, I noticed my bottle of pills was gone from my bag. Craig had been through it. My heart raced. I knew what my dreams would be like if I didn’t have them. I knew what the man would do to Craig. I tore the apartment apart looking for them. Deep down, I knew he had flushed them. The empty bottle in the trash can solidified that for me. I screamed. I cried. I broke things. No, this couldn’t happen. I needed them. I had to save Craig.
“You’ve gone mad, Alice~” I heard my own voice say. The man was in the kitchen with me. His horrid head, it looked like his skull had unnatural angles in it.
“What the fuck do you want?” I snapped.
“Same thing you want, frankly,” the man said “to be happy.”
“And doing that requires you driving my loved ones insane?” I snapped.
“Of course not, Alice,” the man said, chuckling. He was starting to pace around me, hands behind his back.
“Then why did you do it?” I asked.
“I didn’t do anything, I’m just a figment of your imagination,” the man said, my own laughter escaping his mouth.
I stood there, trembling. My eyes widened. No way, this wasn’t right. He’s just a figment? What about Craig’s dad? What about Violet?
“Violet saw a man with a weirdly shaped head. I’m no psychologist so I couldn’t tell you why, but the human mind is wonderfully suggestive. She talked about seeing me so you started seeing me when your own mind started to go~” the man said in a sing-song voice, like this was incredibly amusing to him, “you made connections where there were none. You don’t even know if Craig’s dad was even seeing me. No, his madness didn’t come from hallucinations. His madness came from grief and loss. He wanted to replace his son, and I think you know that.”
“You’re full of shit, you’re warping their minds!” I snapped back. There was no way this entity was telling the truth. He couldn’t be trusted. He was lying.
“Oh? Let me guess, you think I’m some eldritch Lovecraftian god like Slenderman or something? No, if I were really that old, I wouldn’t be quoting Alice in Wonderland all the time,” the man said, sounding like he felt insulted “I mean, how cliche can you get? You couldn’t have picked a more obscure tale about going mad for me to quote? Or even make something else up? Put some effort into it, Alice.”
I fell to my knees. No, this couldn’t be true. Something more had to have been happening. It couldn’t be so simple. It had to be more. If it wasn’t, then all this was for nothing. If he spoke the truth. That meant I drove myself insane.
“Violet was dealing with her issues long before you ever knew about it, Craig’s father had been dealing with his issues before you and Craig ever met,” the man said. All sense of jovialness was gone from his demeanor. He was getting serious. He grabbed me by my shirt collar, “I’m not putting Craig in danger. You are.”
“Stop gaslighting me,” I said softly. This wasn’t right.
It was then I felt arms wrap around me. Craig had come home and saw me collapsed on the floor.
“It’ll be okay,” he whispered as he rocked me in his arms.
I’ve been writing this over the course of a couple days, under the advice of Dr. Garcia. Craig had called her number and she was helping me with my issues. Looking back at the earlier pages of this post, I find myself heartbroken that I put Craig through this. I think I was still going through some lingering withdrawal when I wrote those pages. I don’t know what I would do without Craig.
I stopped taking the pills and found a new job. I still crave them and my nightmares are awful, but Craig is always there when I wake up. The new job gave me a more steady schedule, and Craig started taking only the daytime jobs, so Craig and I are able to spend every night together. I started cooking again. Craig’s gained a good amount of weight. I find it so weird that this all started with a hacked Pokemon cartridge of all things.
I still see the man. Perhaps I always will, but things will be okay. I will be okay. Thank you, Craig, for being there for me. I love you.

I started HRT 2 weeks ago and I’ve definitely seen improvements (no longer feel like I’m losing my mind or literally having puddles of sweat) but I’m still not sleeping well. Better (but anything would be better) but not well. I’m wondering if anyone has any advice about whether I wait it out a few months on my current HRT dosage? Or ask for more/higher HRT? Or should I plan on using sleeping pills more? I have a prescription for Lunesta based on past sleep issues. Before HRT I was waking up with literally puddles of sweat on my skin. I’m not having intense night sweats any more but I’m struggling to fall or stay asleep. I wake up randomly. I keep my bedroom cool, but I’m starting to think that I have to be very cold. The other night I woke up shivering a few times but slept better than last night when I used a light blanket and wasn’t shivering. I’ve been so tired I’ve taken mini naps in my car before driving home doe the sake of safety.
I’ve even debated getting one of those bed cooling gadgets that’s like tubes coolant. I’ve been averaging about 5-6 hours of sleep for the past few weeks which is killing my work productivity. I keep reading exercise will help but when I’m too tired to drive, it’s hard to be motivated.

Hello! I’m just curious about this and asking anyone who has insight about birth control.
For Tri-Sprintec, are the tablets of the third week the same thing/drug as Sprintec? I’m on Sprintec and my sister is on Tri-Sprintec. We noticed the tablets are the same color and have the same pill identification on them. I believe they have the same active ingredients, but just different levels.
Thanks!

25 male 200lb 5'4" tall. Medical history: adhd, bipolar, anxiety disorder, insomnia, high blood pressure. Medications: citalopram, qelbree, aprazole, losartan. My psychiatric nurse prescribed lunesta for insomnia. I took it and it made me feel sick. She told me to cut the time release capsule in half and take just half. Is she right? Is it OK to cut a 3mg lunesta pill in half?