Westphalian
The westphalian language (not to be confused with the real world westphalian dialect group) is an ingvaeonic language spoken in, well, westphalia. It developed closely with the anglo-frisian languages, though is not one in itself, merely sharing some commonalities with the branch.
Phonology: (i tried to display this in a table, but reddit sucks, so take a list instead)
Consonants
m,n,ŋ,
p,b,t,d,k,g,
f,v,s,z,ʃ,x,h,
ɹ,j,[ɰ],
ɾ,l
Vowels
ɪ,ʏ,ʊ,
ø:,
ə,
ɛ(:),œ,ɔ(:),
a(:)
There are also 4 diphthongs! Those being /eɪ̯/, /aɪ̯/, /œʏ̯/, and /oʊ̯/.
Grammar:
The grammar is quite simplified from its Proto-West-Germanic origins, with nouns having 4 total stems they could be. Those being (using PG derivative terminology) the a-stem, ō-stem, n-stem, and r-stem. The r-stem, though, only contains seven kinship terms. Whilst the a-stem and ō-stem are direct descendants from PG, the n-stem is more of a combination stem of multiple stems ending in *-n. Nouns in westphalian are divided into two genders, common and neuter.
In terms of cases, nouns (and adjectives) can only inflect for two, those being the nominative and objective. The genitive is maintained though, in pronouns. Apart from that, nouns (again, and adjectives), also inflect for the numbers singular and plural.
I will move on to adjectives first, as it is an easier bridge from nouns. Adjectives only have one inflection pattern, instead of the multiple stems nouns could have, and this inflects for all the same things as nouns, but also strong/weak inflection, the predicative, and positive/comparative/superlative. Standard stuff.
Verbs also only have one weak inflection pattern left, though there are still some strong verbs that have different inflection patterns, the vast majority are weak verbs, which inflect using the same pattern. This pattern inflects for a few things, let's begin with person. It inflects for 1PS, 2PS, 3PS, and a general plural form. In terms of tenses, there is the present and past tense (more can be expressed using auxiliaries, this is just what they inflect for). Moods consist of the indicative, subjunctive, and imperative. Apart from that, they also have an infinitive, and a present and past participle.
Examples:
"Welcome to the westphalian language!"
Wilkowm tå de westfuylske språk!
/ˈvɪl.koʊ̯m tɔː də ˈvɛst.fœʏ̯ɰ.ʃə sprɔːk/
"The cold winter is near, a snowstorm will come. Come in my warm house, my friend. Welcome! Come here, sing and dance, eat and drink. That is my plan. We have water, beer, and milk fresh from the cow. Oh, and warm soup!"
De selte winter is neh, een sneastuyrm skoll kuymen. Kuym in mijn werm huys, mijn frent. Wilkowm! Kuym heer, sing en dans, eed en drink. Dat is mijn plan. Wij hebben wader, ber, en meelk frisk von de koo. Oh, en werme suyp!
/də zɛɰtə ˈvɪn.təɹ ɪs neɪ̯ - eɪ̯n ˈsnɛː.stœʏ̯ɹm ʃɔl ˈkœʏ̯.mən - kœʏ̯m ɪn maɪ̯n vɛɹm hœʏ̯s - maɪ̯n fɾɛnt - vɪɰkoʊ̯m - kœʏ̯m heɪ̯ɹ - zɪŋ ɛn dans - eɪ̯d ɛn dɾɪŋk - dat ɪs maɪ̯n plan - vaɪ̯ ˈhɛ.bən ˈvaː.ɾəɹ - bɛɹ - ɛn meɪ̯ɰk fɾɪʃ vɔn də kɔː - oʊ̯ - ɛn vɛɹmə sœʏ̯p/

I don't just mean the broader political sense of the term, but even this need to label individuals with a vast range of adjectives seems so pointless to me - like x is kind, compassionate, sweet or x is mean, angry, depressed. The reason I say this is because I think all of us are a combination of both. You can find someone to be extremely kind one day, and not very much the next. These presumptions that we build only prevent us from seeing the whole of another person and then we impose these expectations on them to only act a certain way. That's where the whole 'you've changed' notion comes in when someone explores deeper parts of themselves that have always been there but not come out, or the same thing that creates the delusion which makes so many of us stay in unhealthy relationships - 'yeah this person isn't treating me very well, but...' we're all whole versions of ourselves, not just what comes out on a given day. Thoughts?

I've seen a lot of situations recently where people think the term “niche” represents a company that only makes perfumes. This isn’t correct and I think a more nuanced discussion is needed, especially since the term is thrown around so much. I’ve expanded on the actual definitions below, but here are some cliff notes:

1. Niche simply means that the fragrance has a small target audience. This can either be through availability (highly limited edition, a small indie distributor), unique smell, or to a lesser degree an extremely high price.
2. The opposite of “niche” is not “designer”, it is “mainstream”. The term designer fragrance is typically meant to indicate a fashion house that produces fragrances. Think Dior, Chanel, Prada, etc. This is where there exists a grey area in nomenclature and the limits of these terms begin to reveal themselves.

Diving into this grey area- take Commes de Garcons. A fashion design brand that has created many unique fragrances. Things like “garage” and “tar” and its clash series such as “radish x vetiver” are very niche fragrances that only a select type of person would be interested in. They are technically “designer”, yet definitely not mainstream. In my opinion, these two terms are often used interchangeably because big design houses take up most of the space in places like Ulta, Sephora, and most malls that offer mainstream perfumes.
Further, houses like Dior and Chanel are best called “designer” brands but labeling the entire fragrance output as either mainstream or niche isn’t useful. Chanel may release a stinky animalic incense fragrance priced at $450 that’s only sold at one of its boutiques. This could very easily be called a niche fragrance. Calling it a high end luxury fragrance is another possibility. The point being that unique, polarizing scents still come out of high end design houses and they defy easy categorization.
The point of all this is that the term niche and designer are essentially just not that useful in describing a perfume. They don't describe the quality of the ingredients, they don't necessarily describe the smell, and they leave open many other questions about the product in question. Because the term also describes the overall size of the target audience, a growing fragrance market and increasingly popular brands may shift the balance of what that actually means. Stores like Le Labo are almost ubiquitous in large cities now, although some of their scent profiles and prices are still somewhat unique and out of reach compared to something more mainstream like Dior Homme or Versace Eros. Because of that the definition seems to have become more rigid and easily applied at the expense of its real meaning. One of the other problems is that describing a brand in terms of what type of product they make also says nothing inherently useful.
Now, onto the actual definitions that some people may cite to support this “single producer” idea:
noun - a specialized segment of the market for a particular kind of product or service
Note that this is meant to represent a segment of the market- not the company itself. In context you would say "A niche exists for people who love animalic notes." or "I am going to exploit this niche and produce products that service it". If you take a company, and your only way to describe that company is to say "they only produce perfumes" you are saying exactly nothing about the niche they fill in the fragrance market as a whole. They could be trying to capture a large segment of that market through mainstream scent profiles distributed through Sephora, or they could be focusing on novel ideas like the brand Scents of Wood.
adjective - denoting products, services, or interests that appeal to a small, specialized section of the population
This is the version most people use in discussions. Consider the fact that it again says nothing at all about the amount of products a company produces- it describes a quality of the products themselves. For instance, a single company can produce products that simultaneously appeal to a very small segment of the fragrance community, while also selling products that appeal to a very small segment of the incense community. Or maybe they also sell hand-crafted wooden moccasins lined with rare peruvian wool that cost $600 each. Just because they cater to two niche markets, does not exclude either of the products they make from being "niche". In this way the company has found two niches to cater to.

Apologies for the long post but I'm pretty much over medical personnel at the moment and I'm frustrated. I've had a severe cough that began in December. I've had it at least once a month since then. By severe I mean I have random coughing fits that result in me either urinating on myself or vomiting on myself. Lately it's been both. Seems to be brought on by the slightest cold. I have a daughter in daycare so while illness is not uncommon, this is a bit extreme. It's normally coupled with a sinus infection.
I went to urgent care in December and was told to ride it out and given an updated inhaler script. I eventually got better.
It came back in February and to urgent care I went again. My primary has retired and I didn't have another lined up so Urgent Care seemed an ok choic. Left with a script for promethazine. Nearly finished the bottle before I got better.
It came back in March to which I called my doctor's office and got the first available doctor for a consult since I knew urgent care wasn't gonna do anything for me. We spoke over the phone and he said I likey had pertussis so he prescribed a steroid and antibiotic. Worked within a day. I was much better instantly so I finished the round and figured we were good to go.
April was a let down as the cough returned. I quickly emailed the doctor and requested the same treatment. I had refills for the steroid so I just refilled but I needed him to prescribe the antibiotic. He refused. He said he can't prescribe it when the symptoms haven't been present that long. Uhm, what do you mean?! You knew my history already? He repeatedly told me there was nothing we could do, that I could try the steroid alone but it probably wouldn't do anything. I told him I refused to believe that there was nothing we could do and there had to be something, especially considering the antibiotic worked so quickly last time. He REFUSED to assist further and suggested if my symptoms were that bad to go to the ER for a chest X-ray. Fine.
Went to the ER and got a chest X-ray. Was there for literally 1.5 hours and walked away with a $2500 bill, a clear X-ray and a script for Tessalon Perles, a recommendation for Mucinex D, and oh look, the SAME ANTIBIOTICS I ASKED THE PRIMARY FOR, WHO SAID HE COULDN'T GIVE THEM TO ME. They knew my script history and had zero problem giving me the antibiotic. The ER doctor even laughed when I told him the primary said I had pertussis. His diagnosis- bronchitis. Told me to follow up with said doctor. No thank you.
The cocktail of antibiotics, Mucinex D and Tessalon Perles seemed to do the trick. For a while.
It's now May and the cough is back full force and more violent than ever. But instead of multiple coughing fits throughout the day, I get a few really violent ones with both vomiting and peeing. So I got that going for me, which is nice.
I called a pulmonologist today to get an appointment. I figured I'd start there. When the medical assistant asked me why I'm seeing the doctor, I ran down a TLDR of the above and was so very delighted to hear her response of, “So a cough?” Yeah girl. Put down a cough. I corrected her- “A severe cough.” I doubt she added the adjective. The next available isn't for 2 months.
So here I sit, being asked to ride it out and ingesting a cocktail of Mucinex D and ibuprofen with a little snack of Tessalon Perles during bed time. I'm almost positive this is gonna cause some long term repercussions but I have a 1 year old, a husband and a job to think of today. I'm still blown away that when I brought this up to the primary, that he's telling me there nothing he can do when I'm telling him I get random coughing fits in the car while driving my toddler around, I get a “Sorry. Try the ER.”
As you can probably tell, I'm at a loss on what to do. When I think my cocktail is working, I'm reminded it's not. Any suggestions other than, see a pulmonologist, would be greatly appreciated. Any reassurance that the primary isn't a complete moron, also appreciated. I would hate to think that a doctor would be that careless for no reason.
TLDR: Intermittent (monthly) sever cough since December, accompanied by sinusitis, vomiting and incontinence. Antibiotics helps but Dr. won't prescribe more than one round. Currently taking Mucinex D, 400 ibuprofen and Tessalon Perles at night for sleep. Appt with pulmonologist in 2 months but what to do until then?
Thanks for reading.

My friend is a big ally, and several of her students identify as NB and are learning about noun/adjective agreement and pronouns. These are mostly Italian 1 students so their language skills are not fully developed, so they would not have the vocabulary to avoid adjectives which would need agreement or to stick to phrases which would be more gender neutral. What would be the most commonly accepted way to use NB Italian adjective endings and pronouns?
Ways she had see in the past would be ə, đ, @, and x endings, but she has noticed that they have changed or not been used by all speakers. Does anyone have any insight aside from trying to avoid any gender speech? (Again, please keep in mind that they are absolute basic level speakers.)
Thank you all so much for any insight you may have!

Hi there! I can't fully understand which is the best way to translate this line (from De Civitate Dei X 3,2)
"hunc eligentes vel potius religentes (amiseramus enim neglegentes) hunc ergo religentes, unde et religio dicta perhibetur [...]"
So, I suppose he is talking about a supposed etymology of the term religion which has something to do with choosing again God. However, I don't understand some part of this sentence, for example how to translate "dicta". Is it used as an adjective? Something like "religion, which has already been mentioned"?

I know communists refer to three class related things, Bourgeoisie (those who take surplus value and own the means of production), Proletariat (Those getting extracted from), and petty bourgeoisie (the blurry gap).
And outside communists I see "ruling class" "middle class" "lower class" "upper class". What does class even mean... I also see people referring to things like "bourgeoisie X" like a adjective what does that even mean

Póvh ad vonyg ad o okuc cangov o ohyod thudca giga dugo.
/poʋx æð̞ ʋɒɲg æð̞ ɒ ɒˈkuc ˈcæ.ŋɒʋ ɒ ˈɒ.çɒð̞ ˈθuð̞.cæ ˈɰi.ɰæ ˈð̞u.ɰɒ/

Póvh ad vonyg ad o okuc cangov o ohyod thud -ca giga dug -o Dignity in right in and equal free and being human-ADJZ all be.born-PRS 

All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.

About

Yiyocthiv (endonym: Yiyocdiv /ji.jɒcˈð̞iʋ/) is a moribund languague isolate spoken by the Yiyocthiv people, the native inhabitants of Antarctica. Since foreign countries started establishing the first bases and research stations in Antarctica, bringing technology and infrastructure to the continent, the Yiyocthiv people have experienced a significant increase in their quality of life, with many of them deciding to live at or near research stations. Interaction with researchers has been mostly peaceful throughout history, but the fact that researchers are the ones bringing and controlling most resources in the continent meant that the Yiyocyhiv had to adapt to speaking their language. This processs meant the researchers languages (specially English and Spanish, due to the abundance of American, Argentine and Chilean research bases) gradually became more prestigious, used and important than Yiyocthiv, which has experienced a steady decline, to the point of currently being down to one last living speaker, an elderly woman.
Due to close contact with researchers from all around the globe, Yiyocthiv borrowed a plethora of words from other languages before going nearly extinct. Spanish and English are the largest "contributors". In real life, Yiyocthiv grammar was heavily inspired by another conlang. Can you guess which one?

Phonology

Yiyocthiv has 19 consonants and 7 vowels. Yiyocthiv is unusual in it's lack of two very common phonemes: the consonant /l/ and the vowel /a/. Syllable structure is (C)(C)(C)V(C)(C).
Consonants

	Labial	Dental	Alveolar	Palatal	Velar	Labial-velar
Nasal	m	n		ɲ (ny)	ŋ (ng)
Stop	p	t		c	k
Fricative	f	θ (th)	s	ç (hy)	x (h)
Approximant	ʋ (v)	ð̞ (d)	ɹ (r)	j (y)	ɰ (g)	w

• /ʋ/ and /ð̞/ can be syllabic
• After a pause, after a nasal consonant, and at the beginning of an utterance, all approximants are pronounced as voiced stops at the same place of articulation (except /w/, which becomes [gʋ]).

Vowels

	Front	Central	Back
Close	i (i)		ɯ (g) u (u)
Mid	e̞ (é)	ə (e)	o̞ (ó)
Open	æ (a)		ɒ (o)

• The only possible diphtongs are those envolving the semivowels /j/, /ɰ/ and /w/. Otherwise, any two vowels written next to each other are always pronounced as a hiatus.

Syntax

Yiyocthiv is also infamous for its unusual word order, which earned it the nickname of "backwards talk" among antarctic researchers of various nations.

• object-subject-verb-oblique (OSVX) (verbal phrases)
• place-time-manner (adpositional phrases)
• relative clause-noun-adjective-number-genitive/demonstrative-postposition (noun phrases)
• adjective-adverb
• verb-adverb
• main verb-auxiliary verb

Grammar

Once you get used to the unusual word order, you'll notice that the Yiyocthiv grammar is surprisingly simple.
ARTICLES, NOUNS AND ADJECTIVES
Along with pronouns, articles are the only word class to have separate singular and plural forms:

• Singular: oc (definite), ed (indefinite)
• Plural: ca (definite)

Nouns are invariable, except for the feminine form, which applies the suffix -ad. Adjectives are completely invariable. The plural indefinite article is unmarked, therefore any noun without an article is assumed to be indefinite plural, unless context indicates otherwise. Example: Kavayo a tungo (horse 1SG.NOM have.PRS) - I have horses
Note: Kavayo is a loanword from Spanish, while tungo is not. The similarity to spanish "tengo" is just a (rather amusing) coincidence.
PRONOUNS
Personal

	Nominative	Accusative	Genitive
1st Singular	a	tho	thod (singular), thoda (plural)
2nd Singular	ge	go	god (singular), goda (plural
3rd Singular	ac	oac, hyo (reflexive)	hyod (singular), hyoda (pluarl)
1st Plural	dihy	odihy	div (singular), diva (plural)
2nd Plural	pihy	opihy	piv (singular), piva (plural)
3rd plural	aca	oaca, hyoa (reflexive)	civ (singular), civa (plural)

Other

	Singular	Plural
Proximal demonstrative	hag	haga
Distal demonstrative	hug	huga
Relative/Interrogative	nyo	nyoa

VERBS
Yiyocthiv has no verbal agreement, as verbs are only inflected for Tense-Aspect-Mood. Verbs are incredibly regular, as linguists are yet to find a defective verb that doesn't follow the conjugation below

Conjugation	Suffix	Example	Translation
Infinitive	-od	ohyod	to be
Past tense/participle	-oh	ohyoh	was/were/been
Present tense	-o	ohyo	is/am/are
Future tense	-vua	ohyvua	will be
Conditional	-vuahy	ohyvuavy	would be
Imperative	-∅	ohy!	be!
Present participle	-udg	ohyudg	being

Much like in English, ohyod (to be) can be added to any transitive verb to form the passive, while tungod (to have) forms the perfect aspect. In both cases, these auxiliary verbs are the ones who express the TAM while the main verb is conjugated in the past participle.

Thanks for reading! Now please tell me your thoughts. Criticism is very welcome

Let me tell you how we got a LOT of customers by sending cold emails.
And how you can do this too.
Quick story
Our goal was to get B2B customers. The method was cold emails. But.. our bottleneck was that we didn’t know how.
We would send emails to businesses. They would all get 20-30% open rates. We’d make some changes on the title, the open rate would increase. We would engage with the leads multiple times a month. But … we still couldn’t get responses, prospects showed disinterest.
It was clear, we didn’t know HOW to send GOOD cold emails.
We were in this situation until we contacted a mentor that was referred to us.
He sold his B2B company for millions a couple of years ago. After multiple conversations about our issues, he was like "you guys have no idea how to send emails, do you?" And then started telling us a bunch of his secrets on cold emailing.
He talked about many things - the title, body, CTA, Personalization etc.
We were skeptical at first, and we didn’t implement a lot of stuff.
But... we started with only 1 piece of advice -> Fix the title of the email.
After adding “his magic” we suddenly got 60-70% open rates. Where before we were getting 20%-30%.
Because of that we were like "ok lets implement all of it, this might actually work". So we did that. Then.. prospects started signing up on our site, even before getting on a demo call!
We were finally getting positive responses on emails, booked demo calls, and started getting conversions.
In the end, I realized, your prospects don’t write back because they’re not interested and it's YOUR job to make them curious. If you don't know know it's because you lack the skill of writing GOOD cold emails. The Title, Body, CTA, all of this stuff matters.
And that’s what I wanna share with you today. The know-how.
So... Where do you go from here?
1. Warm-up your email
I couldn’t stress this enough.
Remember this: Each email has a reputation score.
Why warm it up?
If you just bought your domain, and start blasting 100s of emails, you’ll get in spam in no time. So… you have to warm it up with certain tools.
How does warming emails work?
Your tool will send dummy emails to a list of reputable email accounts (from your tools network), from which you get replies. Getting replies constantly will increase your email reputation score.
How do you warm your email?
There are many tools to do this, unfortunately I won't write them here, because it would be considered promoting.
It's a google search away.
2. Validate emails
Why?
IF you send emails and the emails don't exist → your email reputation score will decrease, getting you into spam.
How do you validate them?
We used debounce. But you can use others.
A good tool will tell you which emails are valid & which aren't.
2.1 Title
The best one for us that got the most open rates was “Quick question, [name]"
We also tried “[our company]<> [their company name]” which worked pretty well.
3. Your email body
3.1 Hook them
Why would they read? Is there any reason? - Good content isn’t the only thing you need.
Think of this way, when you watch a great youtube short, the first 5-6 seconds are always some sort of question — to which you’ll know the answer ONLY in the END of finishing the video.
You have to do that in your email copy too.
How?
Start with “let me share a few things with you, the questions that pop in their mind are: “What things?” “Who are you”?
3.2 Always start with a compliment
WHY? People love genuine compliments.
It must be genuine though. Research the person online. Find something online and give a short compliment of how something THEY made helped YOU.
This can be: “I liked the fact that in your “X”, it helped me when [i acquired dot.com in 2019])
Compliment them after you hook them
3.3 Email Body Tips
It has to be super short. 2-3 sentences, maximum. — People are busy, they won’t read your stuff, especially if on email
Use simple, clear words. The language should be 5th or 6th grader level. Check your text’s reader level on heming way app
Try not to use ADJECTIVES. They don’t add value.
IF you have to add adjectives, make it short. eg. “don’t say “it was very beautiful” when you can say “it’s gorgeous”
3. Personalization
What is this?
Personalization = the act or process of tailoring something to meet an individual's specifications, needs, or preferences.
So you need to make the individual FEEL that your email was made for them and their company. They need to FEEL like they get attention from you.
Why?
Imagine this:

• you get sent an email blast from some indians - saying “you have a great website, and we build apps. Let’s build an app, because we think your website is beautiful”
• Is this appealing to you? Would you reply to this?
• Of course not, this is why you have to personalize.
• A personalized email from the same indian would be

"Hello [name],
Let me share a few things with you.
First, I loved your twitter thread on [x], made me think of [y].
Second, I noticed that you hit 300k in traffic last month. And since you target [x customers], i think that [give personalized industry insight]
Seeing that your customers are happy and recommend others, I believe a mobile app is necessary, because you get [benefit]. I specialize in building apps for [prospect / user type]
In fact I’ve made a demo app for you, here’s how it looks like and here’s the [benefit of app]
[loom video URL]
Does this make sense? Let me know!
"
Now, Would you reply to this email if you watched the demo, it was something outstanding and it benefited your business?
Of course you would. This is why personalization is important.
How do you personalize?
Research the person online. Find something online and give a short personal insight.
How do you personalize with loom?
Make it 60-70 seconds long.

• show that it costed you something to do this video for them. Eg. it costs you time to build them that custom app demo. (people appreciate more when they see that it costs you something)
• Must answer the question "why would they use your product/service", "how do you add value to their company"
• Your prospect has to see happy customers in the loom
• People judge you on the free stuff/demo that you make. They think your PAID value will match your free value. This is why YOU have to make your free stuff ( your Loom vid) exceptional.

Now -- How do you get people to act on what your offer in your email body?
Answer: CTAs.
CTAs
This is the thing that most people forget, they’re like:
ok, so here’s your personalized video, and end with
“Best regards,
Joe Smith
Co-founder & Head of International affairs & absolute title-ego-driven person at xcompany
“
Here’s a disclaimer: No one cares about your title, they care about how you can add value to them.
If you want people to act add SCARCITY & URGENCY
eg. [because we are limited by time and can’t build 100 apps a day]
—Figure out a reason , use chatgpt, just come up with one.
What now?
Let’s review the conclusion
Conclusion
Rules:
-warm your email before sending your cold emails — try not send it from your main domain. (you might get flagged into spam if ure a beginner)
-title must be quick question, [name] (open rates went from 30% to 60%-70%)
-email body must 2-3 sentences max. Personalize it.
-Always start with a compliment + short personal insight
-Talk about them. not you.
-Send a loom of you analyzing their site/ how it could benefit with your product or service, and show a few happy customers.(how u helped them achieve the same thing + include CTA))
-Last part of email: Does this make sense? Let me know!

• use rule of 100: send 30-60 cold emails a day. U can use multiple domains (eg. if ur site softwarefreedeal(io) you can buy softwarefreedeal(org)) and send even more
• If you do this for 8 weeks, you’ll have customers inevitably

But.. if you start personalizing from day 1, you’ll get Engaged Leads in less than 2 weeks.
The question is...
Is this it? No, i’ll make more content on this subject.
But… now you have to apply this knowledge.
Knowledge applied becomes a skill. If you don’t apply it, you’ll go into analysis paralysis & keep struggling.
About
If you need help, you can use the email from our website or message me.
But.. I can help only a few people, since I don’t have a lot of time on my hands! + We'll be super busy since middle of may!
Tips
Build an online profile for your company. WHY?
Because I can guarantee that your prospect will google you, before they reply to you.
How many cold emails to send?
As many as you can, but make them personalized. Aim for 25/day. (if you have a team do 100/day)
Use rule of 100.
If you're not getting prospects from cold emails, use this rule ->
Did I send 100 emails yet? If the answer is no, you have to work to do. After 200 emails sent with the know-how from this post, you'll get positive replies.

Let me tell you how we got a LOT of customers by sending cold emails.
And how you can do this too.
Quick story
Our goal was to get B2B customers. The method was cold emails. But.. our bottleneck was that we didn’t know how.
We would send emails to businesses. They would all get 20-30% open rates. We’d make some changes on the title, the open rate would increase. We would engage with the leads multiple times a month. But … we still couldn’t get responses, prospects showed disinterest.
It was clear, we didn’t know HOW to send GOOD cold emails.
We were in this situation until we contacted a mentor that was referred to us.
He sold his B2B company for millions a couple of years ago. After multiple conversations about our issues, he was like "you guys have no idea how to send emails, do you?" And then started telling us a bunch of his secrets on cold emailing.
He talked about many things - the title, body, CTA, Personalization etc.
We were skeptical at first, and we didn’t implement a lot of stuff.
But... we started with only 1 piece of advice -> Fix the title of the email.
After adding “his magic” we suddenly got 60-70% open rates. Where before we were getting 20%-30%.
Because of that we were like "ok lets implement all of it, this might actually work". So we did that. Then.. prospects started signing up on our site, even before getting on a demo call!
We were finally getting positive responses on emails, booked demo calls, and started getting conversions.
In the end, I realized, your prospects don’t write back because they’re not interested and it's YOUR job to make them curious. If you don't know know it's because you lack the skill of writing GOOD cold emails. The Title, Body, CTA, all of this stuff matters.
And that’s what I wanna share with you today. The know-how.
So... Where do you go from here?
1. Warm-up your email
I couldn’t stress this enough.
Remember this: Each email has a reputation score.
Why warm it up?
If you just bought your domain, and start blasting 100s of emails, you’ll get in spam in no time. So… you have to warm it up with certain tools.
How does warming emails work?
Your tool will send dummy emails to a list of reputable email accounts (from your tools network), from which you get replies. Getting replies constantly will increase your email reputation score.
How do you warm your email?
There are many tools to do this, unfortunately I won't write them here, because it would be considered promoting.
It's a google search away.
2. Validate emails
Why?
IF you send emails and the emails don't exist → your email reputation score will decrease, getting you into spam.
How do you validate them?
We used debounce. But you can use others.
A good tool will tell you which emails are valid & which aren't.
2.1 Title
The best one for us that got the most open rates was “Quick question, [name]"
We also tried “[our company]<> [their company name]” which worked pretty well.
3. Your email body
3.1 Hook them
Why would they read? Is there any reason? - Good content isn’t the only thing you need.
Think of this way, when you watch a great youtube short, the first 5-6 seconds are always some sort of question — to which you’ll know the answer ONLY in the END of finishing the video.
You have to do that in your email copy too.
How?
Start with “let me share a few things with you, the questions that pop in their mind are: “What things?” “Who are you”?
3.2 Always start with a compliment
WHY? People love genuine compliments.
It must be genuine though. Research the person online. Find something online and give a short compliment of how something THEY made helped YOU.
This can be: “I liked the fact that in your “X”, it helped me when [i acquired dot.com in 2019])
Compliment them after you hook them
3.3 Email Body Tips
It has to be super short. 2-3 sentences, maximum. — People are busy, they won’t read your stuff, especially if on email
Use simple, clear words. The language should be 5th or 6th grader level. Check your text’s reader level on heming way app
Try not to use ADJECTIVES. They don’t add value.
IF you have to add adjectives, make it short. eg. “don’t say “it was very beautiful” when you can say “it’s gorgeous”
3. Personalization
What is this?
Personalization = the act or process of tailoring something to meet an individual's specifications, needs, or preferences.
So you need to make the individual FEEL that your email was made for them and their company. They need to FEEL like they get attention from you.
Why?
Imagine this:

• you get sent an email blast from some indians - saying “you have a great website, and we build apps. Let’s build an app, because we think your website is beautiful”
  
• Is this appealing to you? Would you reply to this?
  
• Of course not, this is why you have to personalize.
  
• A personalized email from the same indian would be
  

"Hello [name],
Let me share a few things with you.
First, I loved your twitter thread on [x], made me think of [y].
Second, I noticed that you hit 300k in traffic last month. And since you target [x customers], i think that [give personalized industry insight]
Seeing that your customers are happy and recommend others, I believe a mobile app is necessary, because you get [benefit]. I specialize in building apps for [prospect / user type]
In fact I’ve made a demo app for you, here’s how it looks like and here’s the [benefit of app]
[loom video URL]
Does this make sense? Let me know!
"
Now, Would you reply to this email if you watched the demo, it was something outstanding and it benefited your business?
Of course you would. This is why personalization is important.
How do you personalize?
Research the person online. Find something online and give a short personal insight.
How do you personalize with loom?
Make it 60-70 seconds long.

• show that it costed you something to do this video for them. Eg. it costs you time to build them that custom app demo. (people appreciate more when they see that it costs you something)
  
• Must answer the question "why would they use your product/service", "how do you add value to their company"
  
• Your prospect has to see happy customers in the loom
  
• People judge you on the free stuff/demo that you make. They think your PAID value will match your free value. This is why YOU have to make your free stuff ( your Loom vid) exceptional.
  

Now -- How do you get people to act on what your offer in your email body?
Answer: CTAs.
CTAs
This is the thing that most people forget, they’re like:
ok, so here’s your personalized video, and end with
“Best regards,
Joe Smith
Co-founder & Head of International affairs & absolute title-ego-driven person at xcompany
“
Here’s a disclaimer: No one cares about your title, they care about how you can add value to them.
If you want people to act add SCARCITY & URGENCY
eg. [because we are limited by time and can’t build 100 apps a day]
—Figure out a reason , use chatgpt, just come up with one.
What now?
Let’s review the conclusion
Conclusion
Rules:
-warm your email before sending your cold emails — try not send it from your main domain. (you might get flagged into spam if ure a beginner)
-title must be quick question, [name] (open rates went from 30% to 60%-70%)
-email body must 2-3 sentences max. Personalize it.
-Always start with a compliment + short personal insight
-Talk about them. not you.
-Send a loom of you analyzing their site/ how it could benefit with your product or service, and show a few happy customers.(how u helped them achieve the same thing + include CTA))
-Last part of email: Does this make sense? Let me know!

• use rule of 100: send 30-60 cold emails a day. U can use multiple domains (eg. if ur site softwarefreedeal(io) you can buy softwarefreedeal(org)) and send even more
  
• If you do this for 8 weeks, you’ll have customers inevitably
  

But.. if you start personalizing from day 1, you’ll get Engaged Leads in less than 2 weeks.
The question is...
Is this it? No, i’ll make more content on this subject.
But… now you have to apply this knowledge.
Knowledge applied becomes a skill. If you don’t apply it, you’ll go into analysis paralysis & keep struggling.
About
If you need help, you can use the email from our website or message me.
But.. I can help only a few people, since I don’t have a lot of time on my hands! + We'll be super busy since middle of may!
Tips
Build an online profile for your company. WHY?
Because I can guarantee that your prospect will google you, before they reply to you.
How many cold emails to send?
As many as you can, but make them personalized. Aim for 25/day. (if you have a team do 100/day)
Use rule of 100.
If you're not getting prospects from cold emails, use this rule ->
Did I send 100 emails yet? If the answer is no, you have to work to do. After 200 emails sent with the know-how from this post, you'll get positive replies.

Today we will look at Telugu’s delabialization. In modern Telugu many words have underwent voiced delabialization. In Linguistic science, labials are the consonants pronounced by the lips like ప్ and బ్. Voiced means it requires a stress to pronounce the sound, so ప్ is unvoiced, బ్ is voiced.
Here are a couple Telugu words that have underwent voiced delabialization:

1. తిమ్మ (healthy) <— తింబ
   
2. అమ్మ (mother) <— అంబ
   
3. అమ్ము (arrow) <— అంబు
   
4. తమ్మి (younger brother) <— తంబి
   
5. బంగారము (gold) <— బంగారంబు
   

Note: x <— y denotes x came from y.
This change occurred after the era of our three great Telugu poets.
Fun Fact:
Telugu people today use either the Sanskrit word “ఆరోగ్యం” or the Telugu word “ఒల్లు” for health. “ఒల్లు” means body, but is also used for health as a secondary meaning. However, Telugu has a native distinct word for health and healthy: తిమ్మన and తిమ్మ.
According to Telugu grammar, certain adjectives become nouns by suffixing them with -న such as తియ్య (sweet) —> తియ్యన (sweetness), తిక్క (mad) —> తిక్కన (madness), తిమ్మ (healthy) —> తిమ్మన (health).
Unfortunately, this word fell out of use probably around 500 years ago well after the time of poets Nannayya and Tikkana as far as I know. Let me know if your dialect still uses this native word!

I think Fuga (風雅) is Sukuna’s CTR. According to the japanese dictionary it translates to elegance or grace in english.
I think that it represents Hell considering Sukuna is known as the Fallen One according to Angel. Angel wants to purge incarnated players since they’re“Acts against God”. They did seem to worship him in the Heian Era and he is evil hence the malevolent part of the shrine. The opposite/reverse of evil or malevolent is kindness or benevolence. He’s fallen from grace.
Plus why would cursed spirits need to know CTR. He didn’t tell Jogo what his actual CT is and used it instead.
Maybe against maho he healed his brain like Gojo.
In the current chapter he’s using it while shrine is still up so maybe you only experience burnout after the domain barrier breaks
I could be wrong and it could just mean oven or furnace as in cooked food vs like raw food you dismantle/cleave or cut up
This is my first time posting on here. Sorry if it’s confusing.

1 THE PSYCHOPATHOLOGY OF THE OTAKU
Given the topic of this book we cannot avoid a detailed inquiry into the nature of the otaku. They are, after all, the largest consumers of the beautiful fighting girls. What are the otaku thinking? What do they want and how do they get it? Are we right to speak of a “psychopathology of the otaku”? Or is that a bogus question? Or rather, don’t we know the answer already?
Otaku are immature human beings who have grown up without being able to let go of infantile transitional objects such as anime and monsters. They avoid contact with reality for fear that it will harm them and instead take refuge in a world of fiction. They are afraid of adult relationships, particularly sexual relationships, and find sexual stimulation only in fictional constructs. In psychiatric terms they would be classified as “schizothymic.”
These are a few of the most common stereotypical assumptions about otaku. Of course, being stereotypes does not mean they are necessarily incorrect. They may be accurate but still meaningless. These sorts of interpretations inevitably miss what is truly of interest about the otaku community.
The otaku are a strange and unique community that has come into existence as a result of the interactions between the modern media environment and the adolescent psyche in Japan. To my knowledge, however, sufficient thought has yet to be given to the otaku as a community. In this chapter I consider, sometimes from the perspective of a psychiatrist, and sometimes not, the psychopathology of the otaku.
Of course, when I say the “psychopathology of the otaku,” this does not mean that being an otaku in and of itself is a pathological phenomenon. Like the “psychopathology of adolescence” or the “psychopathology of high-school girls,” it is a provisional designation for the particular psychic disposition that might be imagined to be prevalent in a given group. It is also a convenient way to avoid expressions like psychology or psychic structure. This may be difficult to understand, but to put it in the most rigorous terms possible, I would say that psychopathology as I am using it here refers to the intentionality of “that which mediates the subject.” The problem, in other words, has to do with media.
I do not think that being an otaku in and of itself is a form of sickness, nor do I consider myself an otaku (otaku is not a self-designation in any case). It is from this standpoint that I propose to speak about the psychopathology of the otaku. This involves giving equal consideration to the degree to which the otaku community is well adapted and the degree to which it exhibits pathologies.
First, I want to say a few things about the particular challenges involved in speaking about the otaku. Otaku culture is by all accounts still in a state of immaturity (if one can expect “maturity” from it in the first place). Because it is still coming into being, one runs into fundamental difficulties in trying to view it in its entirety. For this reason, we have only a limited number of ways to discuss it. One way is to establish oneself as an otaku and speak as a complete insider, which is to say in a strategically uncritical manner (this is the stance taken by Okada Toshio). Alternatively, one can choose to take oneself out of the equation altogether and face the otaku with an attitude of revulsion and rejection. These two approaches may seem quite at odds, but in fact they are both versions of self-love and often amount to confessions of otakuphilia. When speaking of the otaku, it is crucial to begin by recognizing that these are only two approaches currently available to us.
But I am trying for a third way. Namely, to become an “otaku of otaku,” that is, an otaku whose love is directed toward otaku culture itself. This is not far from the kind of position that Okada advocates, although he calls himself an otaku of special effects and figurines. As for myself, I suppose I am a fan of special effects and monsters, although I have left my passion for Godzilla behind. (Not because I grew out of it but because Godzilla has regressed). I do not find any moe in most beautiful girl anime. I could not live without manga, but I hardly ever watch anime because I cannot stand the images and voice-overs. Even Miyazaki Hayao’s anime come close to the limit of what I can stand in terms of anime images. Yet despite all that, I remain riveted by the activities of the otaku themselves. For better or for worse, since finishing graduate school, I have been fortunate enough to have several extremely serious otaku among my circle. From an outsider’s perspective I found their activities utterly fascinating. And while I was thrilled to be able to observe them from close-up, I cannot deny that I was also sometimes perplexed by what can only be called their immaturity as members of society. Despite this, I believe I was able to maintain friendly relations with them. They all happened to be psychiatrists, psychiatry being the profession with perhaps the highest proportion of otaku among its members. I spare the reader the details of the endless conversations among the members of a certain psychiatry department during the Evangelion boom of 1997.
So what kind of person am I? At the moment I don’t have a good answer to this question. Psychoanalysis is after all premised on the impossibility of self-analysis (which is why analysts must undergo analysis themselves during their training). So allow me to refrain from useless navel-gazing and describe the contours of this unique community from a psychiatrist’s perspective.
Otaku and Maniacs
Nos that have made clear the limitations, and even the absurdity in some cases, of trying to understand otaku in terms of personality type, we can nonetheless abstract a few characteristics of the otaku. An otaku is

• a person with a strong affinity for fictional contexts.
• a person who makes use of fictionalization as a way to “possess” the object of his or her love.
• a person who inhabits not just two but multiple orientations.
• a person capable of finding sexual objects in fiction itself.

Before I try to explain each of these in turn, there are a few points I need to clarify. First, I defer all value judgments about otaku. Problems of adaption such as “fleeing from reality,” “taking refuge in fiction,” and “lacking common sense” may seem easy to spot in otaku, but they are not essential aspects. When value judgments become mixed up in the description they only create more confusion. If my descriptions are to be of any use at all, it will be because they are free of value judgments.
When describing a given type, it is often easier to grasp if one compares it with another similar type. The closest type to the otaku is surely the maniac.
Although they are still often confused with each other, the otaku and the maniac are clearly different in subtle but important ways. If the two were in fact synonymous, there would be no point in theorizing the meaning for us today of the “psychopathology of the otaku.” This is because the maniac is a universal type, while the otaku is historically specific. Understood as a kind of fetishism, mania has a history that may stretch back to the beginning of civilization.
Even if there are many areas of overlap, let us begin by discussing the differences between the two. To state my conclusion partly at the outset, I believe that today’s otaku derive from a group of maniacs who have reacted to the changes in the media environment by a proliferating set of adaptions. Just as the marsupials on the Australian continent mimicked the specialization of the mammals as a whole, the otaku mimicked the specialization of the class of maniacs within the isolation of the media environment.
The difference between these two communities is made clear through the kinds of objects to which they become attached. The following is a provisional list of the types of object each group might choose:
Otaku Objects:

• Anime, video games (mostly so-called girl games), young adult novels, voice actor idols, special effects, C-class idols, fan magazines (dojinshi), yaoi (see note 19), fighting girls.

Potential Crossover Objects:

• Trains, personal computers, film, manga, B-class idols, science fiction, American comics, the occult, amateur radio, police dramas, plastic models, figurines.

Maniac Objects:

• Philately, bibliomania, audio, cameras, astronomy, birdwatching, insect collecting, all forms of music, and all other forms of collecting.

These classifications are based on my personal impressions rather than any empirical data. So there may well be many exceptions and disagreements. If I were asked whether collectors of “anime figurines” were otaku or maniacs, for example, I would be hard-pressed to come up with a satisfying answer. But I do still believe these classifications accurately reflect the tendencies of each group. And they provide the starting point for the discussion of the difference between the otaku and the maniac that follows.
What strikes us most about these objects is what I call the “difference in level of fictional context.” Here we might think of the “fictional” as an abstraction of reality on the basis of some sort of bias. Of course, it is more complicated than that, but let us assume it is the case for now.
On the basis of this assumption, then, we can rank objects according to “degree of fictionality.” Documentaries based on interviews and primary sources, for example, would have a low level of fictionality. Through techniques such as citation and parody, “fiction” itself can be limitlessly abstracted and further fictionalized. Thus metafiction can be understood as having a higher level of fictionality than fiction. To put it a different way, the more forms of media that mediate the original information, the higher the level of fictionality. This is what we call the “difference in the level of fictional context.”
The term context here, following the work of Gregory Bateson and Edward T. Hall, is used in the general sense of the term, as that which determines the meaning of a given stimulus. It is important to keep in mind here that we cannot assume a straightforward ratio whereby the higher the level of “fictional context” is, the higher the level of fictionality will be. I return to this point again later.
The term maniac referred originally to a kind of person who is obsessed with something that yields no practical advantage. But compared with the otaku, the objects of maniacs can look quite concrete (not practical perhaps, but concrete). Looking back at the list of objects, we can see that those preferred by maniacs, such as audio equipment, stamps, antiques, and insect collections, are certainly for amusement and serve no practical function. But compared with those of the otaku, the objects of the maniac do have a concrete materiality. By concrete materiality I mean simply that one can pick them up in one’s hands and that they can be measured.
Generally speaking, maniacs compete with each other in terms of how effectively their hobbies translate into materiality. Collectors pride themselves on the size of their collections. And of course, this involves speculations about their value and rarity. Audio maniacs want faithful playback of sound with as little noise as possible. For insect collectors, it is not enough merely to know about rare bugs; their reputations as collectors depend on actually owning specimens of them. The unspoken rule of a naive “orientation toward material objects” is still very much in force here.
Otaku are lacking in this orientation toward the material and the practical. They know that the objects of their attachment have no material reality, that their vast knowledge has no use for other people in the world, and that this useless knowledge may even (especially after the Miyazaki Tsutomu incident) be viewed with contempt and suspicion. And knowing all of that, they still enjoy the gam of performing for each other their passion. The expression, “having a strong affinity for fictional contexts” is meant to clarify this sort of difference.
I just used the expression “performing their passion,” which requires a bit more explanation. The passion of the otaku is more performative than that of the maniac. Otaku are in communication with other otaku through code of “passion.” They are certainly not cool or disinterested, but neither do they completely lose themselves when indulging in their passion. This sort of slightly “canted stance toward passion” is very closely related to the essence of the otaku’s “affinity for fictional constructs.” Later we will see how perfectly the expression “X-moe” describes this.
Of course, we should consider the possibility that this has to do with how otaku deal with the society around them. Most of the objects to which otaku find themselves attracted are “embarrassing” in one way or another. They can be very easily ridiculed for their infatuation with anime at an age when most people have moved on. As a defense against this, it is perhaps inevitable that they might want to give the appearance to others that they are “only pretending to be obsessed.”
If we were to borrow a Benjaminian metaphor for what I have said so far, we could say that maniacs are enchanted by the aura of the original object, while the otaku fashion an original aura for their (fictional) reproductions.
The Problem of Possession
The next characteristic of the otaku is the way they go about possessing the objects of their attachment. We know that they enjoy animation. And they like special effects. But unlike stamps or audio systems, these are hard to collect. The fact is, moreover, that not all otaku are collectors in the first place. One might assume that anime fans are all interested in collecting actual cels from their favorite shows, but in fact this is surprisingly rare. Of course, such otaku do exist in fairly significant numbers, but this is not a necessary qualification for otaku identity. Part of this has to do with the fact that cels are not necessarily the material object-form of an anime. This may sound paradoxical, but cels are actually more like a by-product of an anime and occupy the same position as spin-off merchandise. So even if you owned every cel of an anime, this would not mean that you owned the anime itself. So how do the otaku make their objects their own?
Simply put, they do so through fictionalization.
What otaku enjoy is not making fiction into material form. Nor, as is often claimed, do they derive enjoyment from confusing reality and fiction. Their goal is simply to take fictions that are out there and promote them to fictions that are theirs alone. It is no coincidence that otaku like parodies. It may be that cosplay (kosupure) and fan magazines are best understood as examples of this process of fictionalization. Popular anime always attract so-called SS (“short” or “side” story) writers, who borrow the setting and characters from these works, write novels and scenarios in different versions, and then upload them to online forums. What is the motivation behind this form of expression that does not earn them a penny? Is it self-promotion? A service to other fans? If it were just that, surely parody or criticism would be more effective. I believe that “SS” is precisely how otaku manage to possess these works. They let the work “possess” them, weave a different story out of the same materials, and share it with the community. This process is a kind of “ritual of possession” practiced within the otaku community.
Even if they are not that serious, otaku are generally critics. All otaku have something that should probably be called a critical drive, including even cases like Miyazaki Tsutome. In fact, a fan who has forgotten his or her critical perspective is not an otaku. Otaku feel compelled to talk endlessly about a work and its creator. Their talk does not stop at the work itself but also extends to include their own relationship to it. When otaku engage in critique, their passion also merges with their enthusiasm for possession through the creation of new fictions. To put it very dramatically, the only way that otaku have of acquiring the objects they love is by fictionalizing them and turning them into their own works. This inevitably leads to the creation of new fictional contexts.
It was not his extraordinary intelligence or the accuracy of his information that made possible Okada Toshio’s status as the Otaku King. More than anything it was his production of a legendary animated film called Royal Space Force: The Wings of Honneamise (oritsu uchugun: Oneamisu no tsubasa, 1987) as a rank amateur. He was also involved in producing the masterpiece of the OVA, Gunbuster (Toppu o nerae!). The careful and deliberate way in which he marketed these anime drew from his own experiences as an otaku and was itself a brilliant form of critique. The otaku business is one of those rare fields in which superb critical acumen can translate directly into highly creative work. If Okada is respected among otaku, it is because of his astounding ability to create fictions. For otaku, the kind of accuracy of information required by maniacs is nice, but not essential. And the fact is that Okada sometimes gets things wrong because of his own preoccupations. But this is tolerated as an aspect of his idiosyncratic style. This is a context in which even a mistake can be forgivable as long as it provides interesting fodder for fictionalization.
What is Fiction?
The concept of fiction as I have been using it thus far is also probably in need of some elucidation. As I mentioned earlier, a high level of fictional context does not necessarily imply a high level of fictionality. One can easily imagine a paradoxical situation in which an autobiography overflowing with empty rhetorical flourishes might seem less realistic than a piece of honest metafiction. But the problem is more complex even than that. It may be, for example, that the rhetorical flourishes of that autobiography actually say something very real about the desires of its author.
There is really no objective set of standards to measure the fictionality of a given work. This is why I have introduced the neutral concept of the “fictional context.” As I explained earlier, this is an “imaginary concept” determined by the number of forms of media necessary to mediate the creation of a work. I insist on the term imaginary for the following reason. We are not actually able to count the number of types of media involved. Only the recipient has the right to determine what is citation and what is parody. If a given citation is to be interpreted as the original, the fictional context for the recipient will be low. This involvement of the receiver’s subjective viewpoint makes things even more complicated.
Of course, it is easy to understand fictionality as long as one does not insist on too much rigor in the definition. One could simply say something along the lines of “What seems like a lie is fiction and what seems real is the thing itself.” Faced with such a clear statement, the rigorous examination of fictionality seems like a meaningless detour. But is it really? Let’s take a closer look. The statement “what seems like a lie is fiction and what seems real is the thing itself” is nothing more than a tautology. It is true enough, but it means nothing.
The discussion gets confusing because of the intervention of the adjective “real” (riaru). “Fictional” and “Real” are not opposites. If they were, an expression like “Real fiction” (riaru na kyoko) would be meaningless. Instead, it is fiction and reality that are opposites, which leaves us with the problem of how to define reality.
What is reality? A raw, unmediated experience? Is that what reality is? Since the Aum Shinrikyo incident this kind of simplistic equation no longer holds. Raw, real experiences are the most deceptive of all . The mystical experiences and altered states of consciousness that Aum members experienced during their training have made us all too aware of the fundamental fallacy in the idea that “actual experiences” equal reality. So we ask again: What is reality?
Indeed, it should go without saying that reality is itself a form of fiction. At least the word reality as we use it in general refers to the fiction that is “the everyday world we live in.” It is the fiction that is shared most widely. Some people might attach conditions to their belief in it, but our degree of adaption to society is judged according to whether or not we have accepted it. In this sense it is perhaps the most powerful of all fictions.
Psychoanalysis teaches us that we can never touch reality in its raw form. “Reality” is another name for the impossible, at least for Lacan. Let us review Lacan’s triad: the Real, the Symbolic, the Imaginary. These constitute a topological division of the human psyche, where, in my understanding, the emphasis falls on how people experience things. The Real, as I just mentioned, is “the realm of the impossible”: a paradoxical realm that exists because it is impossible to experience. The Symbolic is for the most part synonymous with the system of language. It is external to the subject and referred to as the “Other.” That language is other to us means that it is a transcendental entity positioned outside the subject. When we speak we experience its existence, but we cannot be completely conscious of that experience itself. The Imaginary is the realm of images and representations, and also of narcissism, since it is located inside the subject (*14). It is here that “meaning” and “experiences” are possible.
What does it mean for us to experience “fiction”? Experience, we have seen, becomes possible in the Imaginary. Whenever we have a conscious experience of anything, that experience happens in the Imaginary. In this sense there can be no essential distinction between “everyday reality” and “fiction.” (*15)
But, needless to say, that would be a mistake. It is a misreading of Lacan to suggest that one can grasp the Symbolic through the Imaginary. But this misreading is everywhere. Hiroki Azuma, for example, has claimed that in today’s society “the Symbolic stopped functioning.” He points to the deterioration of popular song lyrics as an example.
This is an interesting argument in itself, but it is based on the same misunderstanding.
Lacan’s tripartite model would be just a tool for meaningless speculation if we did not accept its universality. And psychoanalysis would be impossible without the assumption that we are and always will be “neurotics” from the moment that we attain language. And as long as we are neurotics, this tripartite division of the world, or at least the topological relations among its parts, will hold.
Let me make my own position clear. From this point on I will keep the focus on the interactions between media and the Imaginary, and I will not postulate any transformations or shifts in the Symbolic or the Real. This means that otaku can be discussed only in imaginary terms. In other words, we can postulate no structural difference between the non-otaku subject and the otaku subject, because both are neurotics and both stand in the same relation to the Symbolic. Therefore we can now reject completely the claim made by Osawa quoted above. Similarly, it is impossible to identify anything psychoanalytically unique about the otaku as a community. In fact, it is not uncommon to find certain pathologies among those who insist on the uniqueness of the otaku. I have abandoned the attempt to speak of the psychopathology of the otaku in structural terms. Instead, I will stick with descriptions on the level of the Imaginary. This is unavoidable as long as psychoanalysis is my primary method.
I never answered the question I posed earlier: How is it that we experience “everyday reality”? Distinguishing it from fiction is always a function of the Imaginary. In concrete terms, this has to do with our image of the degree to which experiences are mediated. Fiction can arise only out of the consciousness - and not the “fact” - that is experience is a mediated one(*17).
Thus the media have no other function vis-a-vis experience than to provide this kind of consciousness of being mediated. Or to put it the other way around, “everyday reality” is nothing more than a set of experiences that emerge from a consciousness of not being mediated. This difference between a consciousness of being and not being mediated, moreover, is only an imaginary one. Let me emphasize this once more. For us neurotics “everyday reality” has no essential privilege. This is also evident from the fact that patients suffering from dissociative disorder (a neurotic pathology) experience everyday reality as if it were fiction(*18).
[*14. The distinction I am making here between the inside and the outside of the subject is a provisional one meant only to aid the reader’s understanding. In strict psychoanalytic terms the distinction would be untenable.
*15. When I use the word “reality” in this book without any further specification I am referring to this kind of imaginary or everyday reality. When I mean reality in the psychoanalytic sense - that material realm that is impossible for us to experience - I use Lacan’s term “the Real,” with a capital “R.” That said, I have little occasion from here on to use the latter term. The focus in this book is on the relationship between the Imaginary and the Symbolic. Fighting girls are the product of neurotic desire and have nothing to do with psychosis, which of course makes it impossible to postulate the incursion of the Real when describing them. I am including this proviso because I realize that my earlier statement that “Reality is a form of fiction” might be misunderstood as a profession of belief in metaphysics or idealism.
*17. There are “media” (baikai) everywhere, starting with television, film, manga, and the Internet. And of course there are also more individualized media like the telephone, letters, and email. But these are not all. All relations with other people in daily life rely on some sort of media. This kind of media might be called “role consciousness.” Thus every individual takes on multiple interpersonal situations. For example, when I interview a patient as a psychiatrist, that experience is mediated by “doctor-role consciousness.” As a result, the treatment relation becomes fictionalized in a way. This provides a defense against the interview experience exercising too great an influence on the doctor’s daily life.
*18. Symptoms of dissociative illness cause people to complain of pain because of losing the sense of reality with regard to self and the external world, feeling that they are no longer themselves, or feeling that other people and landscapes are somehow unreal, as if seen through a membrane. These are seen often in cases of neurosis, depression, and schizophrenia. While in recent years it has been used to refer to cases in which patients feel as if another self is watching their body and movements from the outside, I use the term here in the former meaning.]
Otaku and Fiction
People who have an otaku mentality, with a high affinity for fiction, are likely to have a latent discomfort with reality whether or not they have actually been able to adapt to it. But this is not a serious issue; for them, it is more on the scale of, “Everyday reality is a drag!” At the very least we can say that this refusal to adapt does not lead in any simple way to the flight from reality and thence to refuge in a fictional world.
Hard-core otaku have their own unique stance toward fiction and are able to enjoy anime, for example, on multiple levels. To put this in the terms I used earlier, they are able to switch freely between levels of fictional context. As I mentioned earlier, they see reality as a kind of fiction. Since this means they do not necessarily privilege reality, it can easily be mistaken for an avoidance of reality. So while otaku do not in any way “confuse fiction with reality,” they are uninterested in setting fiction and reality up against each other. If anything they are able to find reality (riariti <lol>) equally in both fiction and reality (genjitsu).
In fact, otaku discover a multilayered reality (riariti) even in the fictionality of fiction. They see and enjoy reality (riariti) in terms of every standard by which fiction can be judged, including not just the quality of anime characters but also the script and character design, visual direction, marketing, criticism, and particular points of appreciation. This is the otaku’s special ability . When this is developed sufficiently, it becomes the three abilities that Okada describes as the “eye of the aesthete,” the “eye of the master,” and the “eye of the connoisseur.” Otaku do not just command a great deal of information, they must also be able to identify instantaneously these different standards of fictionality and shift to the appropriate level on which to appreciate them. This means not just falling in love and losing oneself in the world of a single work, but somehow staying sober while still indulging one’s feverish enthusiasm .
Total immersion in the world of the work on the object level has nothing to do with the essence of the otaku. Stephen King’s novel Misery, which was also made into a film, depicts a fan like this. She is in love with a certain series of novels and cannot tolerate its ending in a way that she does not like. So she makes the author a prisoner in her home and threatens him so that he will write the ending she wants. If such a woman actually existed, I would be happy to award her with the prize for confusing fiction and reality. But otaku try to stay as far away as possible from this kind of violence and crazed enthusiasm.
What would an otaku do if a story he liked ended badly? In fact, we have an excellent example of just such a case. Neon Genesis Evangelion (Sin seiki Evangerion), which I discuss in more detail later, created a whole social phenomenon as a result of its ending. Until the last half of the series it was a giant robot anime of unprecedented sophistication. But the problem came with the last episode, when the protagonist suddenly started to talk at great length about his own inner strugglers, leading to an ending in which he experienced inner salvation. Most of the fans were furious with this ending.
But did they criticize the creator Anno Hideaki directly? Of course, there were many who did. But at the same time huge numbers of fans began to write their own “eva” stories. And this was certainly the proper otaku response. They did not see the author as absolute. They were not just fans, but connoisseurs, critics, and authors themselves. This blurring of the distinction between producer and consumer is another characteristic of the otaku. In that sense, if we limit the discussion to how they relate to fiction, Osawa’s point is right after all. For otaku the place that is supposed to be taken by the transcendent author is extremely close to his or her own internal other.
The Psychopathology of the Otaku
Of course, the otaku do exist in reality, and it is important to recognize that. The Comic Market, which I mentioned earlier, for example, is a space in which the logic of the otaku predominates over “everyday reality.” But one cannot say it is not reality. It is a world in which fan magazines produced by serious otaku can generate revenues in the millions of yen. It is, in other words, a space in which the ability to produce enjoyable fictions is privileged above all else. And there we see on display only a small portion of the otaku’s ability to modify reality. Their ability to see reality as a kind of fiction is certainly a strength. The elite of the otaku are capable of changing reality to fit their tastes, just as Bill Gates and Michael Jackson did.
But while multiple orientation has the advantage of allowing people to shift perspectives flexibly, it also has a sort of pathological limitation. The more accurately the otaku shifts from one perspective to another, the more the framework of the experience as a whole cannot help but shift toward the fictional. And when multiple orientations are given equal weight, we lose the singularity that is the essential quality of reality. This is probably why otaku often complain of dissociative episodes and seem lost in the ordinary world. Thus multiple orientation can sometimes be viewed as an escape from reality. Yet even the expression “escape from reality” may be only a provisional one.
What provides the impetus for people to become otaku? To an outside observer it may appear to be caused by an episode of adaptational failure of some sort. But is it not possible for someone to become an otaku without that sort of trauma? Could it be that the more fundamental cause that makes people into otaku is to be found in the excessive immersion in the multiple orientations that we have been discussing? If so, why is it that otaku engage in this kind of immersion?
<…>
“The destining of revealing is in itself not just any danger, but danger as such.” from The Question Concerning Technology by Martin Heidegger.
For the great Persian scholar Avicenna, sensory phantasms were processed through five virtues or powers corresponding to five cavities in the cranium; phantasy or common sense, imagination, cogitative virtue, the estimative virtue, and finally the reminiscent virtue. According to Georgio Agamben in his work Stanzas: Word and Phantasm in Western Culture, Avicenna conceives of this gradation through the inner senses as a "progressive 'disrobing' (denudatio) of the phantasm from its material accidents."
<..>
I believe that this is where sexuality comes to have a very close relationship to all of this. We must recognize the fictionality and multilayered quality of sexuality. When people are sexually excited by the image of a woman in an anime, they may be taken aback at first, but they are already infected by the otaku bug. This is the crucial dividing point. How is it possible for a drawing of a woman to become a sexual object?
“What is it about this impossible object, this woman that I cannot even touch, that could possibly attract me?” This sort of question reverberates in the back of the otaku’s mind. A kind of analytic perspective on his or her own sexuality yields not an answer to this question but a determination of the fictionality and the communal nature of sex itself. “Sex” is broken down within the framework of fiction and then put back together again. In this respect one could say that the otaku undergoes hystericization: the otaku’s acts of narrative take the form of eternally unanswerable questions posed toward his or her own sexuality. And the narratives of hysterics cannot help but induce from us all manner of interpretations. This is of course what has led me to the present analysis.

The early deadline is May 22 for CBS EMBA Friday/Saturday – followed by the final deadline two weeks later on June 5. If you are just starting now – and especially if you still need to sort out your test score – do prioritize application quality over tossing something together to meet the earlier deadline. Otherwise, you are just accelerating the process of being dinged.
The EMBA program kind of operates like a PT program at CBS. There really isn’t any stated work experience minimum, which is UNIQUE. One of my clients got in at the age of 25 (he did have people management experience – however had just finished his online BA a month before applying!)
So, if you have the support of your employer, progression at work and a solid test score (or at least some evidence of quant skill) don’t let age or years of work experience keep you from applying.
APPLICATION TIPS
~Extracurricular activities~ – if this is a strength of yours, lucky you, they have 3 boxes for college and 3 boxes for post-college AND an unlimited text box to talk about your hobbies. This is unlimited for a reason – it’s more fun to be around people who are interested in a variety of different things. Rather than list your hobbies, also discuss how they have shaped you and why they are meaningful to you. If you have stuff to talk about here, this can be a game changer for overrepresented applicants.
~Short Answer Question~
~What is your immediate post-MBA professional goal? (50 characters maximum)~
Have a tight focus with regards to industry, role and geography. When you have those specifics down, you have enough information to take concrete actions that lead to a good outcome post-MBA. This is important as CBS is the only EMBA I know of that allows on-campus recruitment (OCR). They do look at your ROI equation and want you to feel it was worth it when you’re slogging through those loans or reflecting on the time spent.
~Essay 1~
Through your resume and recommendations, we have a clear sense of your professional path to date. What are your career goals over the next three to five years and what is your long-term dream job? (500 words)
The goals need to make sense given the program format. They do offer OCR – but last I checked, not summer internships so if you state IB, where you need an internship, this would be a bit of a red flag. Like other EMBA programs, the goal of progression within your same company or industry is ideal. Hopefully, what you learn at CBS you can “apply on Monday” and progress faster. Having an altruistic-oriented long-term goal is a bonus if it makes sense with the rest of your narrative.
~What they are looking for:~ does this person have the right background for their near-term goals? How logical does this person seem? Does this person have realistic expectations of the program? Can we help this person? If this person spoke about their goals to a recruiting company, would they reflect well on CBS or not? How good is the fit between their goals and what separates CBS – if we picked this person would they likely enroll (yield protect.) Clubs, OCR, block classes, NYC-based Executives in Residence, and a need for a NYC-based program are all good differentiators.
~Essay 2~
Please describe a professional situation where you faced a particular challenge. What was the outcome and what did you learn from the experience about your own strengths and personal development needs? (500 words maximum)
Replace the word “strengths” for “skills” and if it’s a work example, this question is very similar to the “behavioral” question for the Kellogg EMBA application and could likely be repurposed with some modification.
I would recommend that you first list all the problems that you have solved at work within the past 3 years. If you are coming up blank, think about how your activities have generated value at work. Then rank each in terms of the result achieved or importance of the problem solved.
You absolutely must coordinate with your recommender on which stories they will tell so you don’t repeat one of those here.
Now we get to the skills part. You might want to Google “list of managerial skills” to draw inspiration and further brainstorm. Conflict resolution, strategic thinking, adaptability etc.
Regarding execution, STAR or CAR for sure. STAR is situation/task/action/result, but I reframe this as problem/goal/action/result.
~Situation/Problem~: you want to pick something that is not massively technical; it can be conveyed in few enough words to leave room for parts that help them get to know you. Do not cover a whole project – the essay will sound like a white paper. Rather, pick a specific obstacle within that project or a certain aspect of it.
~Task~: the goal – which is basically the opposite of the problem. This is not a work project type task. Sometimes the task can be something like becoming a more active listener.
~Action~: this shows them how your mind works. Given the task (goal) what path did you pursue? You want to SHOW DON’T TELL and each strength needs some storytelling. It’s OK to focus on just 1 or 2 things. Deep not wide wins every time.
~Result~: it’s nice when you can quantify the result – by a lot – but anecdotal results are passable in a pinch. Don’t chuck out a story that shows passion and purpose because there is no dashboard of metrics attached. One example might be illustrating how you turned around a gossipy work environment and through this, everyone had better morale and therefore X good thing became possible or happened.
The pressure test here is that they come away with a sense of how you lead, what your role might be in your study group, what makes you “you” in the workplace, the kind of problems you are known for solving. Help them get to know you above all things. Speak plainly, directly and succinctly.
~Optional Essay~
Is there something else you feel would be helpful for the Admissions Committee to know? An optional third essay will allow you to discuss any topics that do not fall within the purview of the required essays. These might include, but are not limited to:
• Adverse circumstances in your background
• An exciting side venture in which you are working
• Areas of concern in your academic record
• Or just a fun fact!
This does not need to be a formal essay. You may submit bullet points. (500 words maximum)
Quite innovative - CBS has merged the getting-to-know-you book or movie essay with the optional essay. So, if you need to expand upon why your academic record is less than stellar, you can do that, but if not, it’s space to park almost anything else you haven’t included in the online application.
Expanding upon a leadership experience or passion project is great. Keep in mind they are looking for people who are what I call a social value-add – others enjoy the program more because of you. This is the only “personal” essay so I really urge you to use the opportunity.
Note: don’t avoid this essay because you think you are whining and making excuses for yourself. It’s a great opportunity to help adcom get to know you as a person, and the challenges that have shaped who you are. The more they understand you on a personal level the more they grow attached to you, campaign for you and the better your odds.
~Recommendation~
Take this seriously. For each question you want to have a claim – pointing to your USP – and then tell a detailed but accessible story to back up said claim. Recommendations are always important, but especially for EMBA because they want to know how others experience you (consider: you are the product they are selling to others). Also, it’s a way for CBS to gauge the kind of classroom contributions you would make. This is important for the EMBA where ideally students learn as much or more from each other as they do the professor.
Select your recommender based on the stories they can share – they are ideally an eyewitness to you solving problems, leading and being a strong team player. Prioritize this over title or status. Brainstorm with your recommender; coach and guide them. Choose a story together for each question. Have transparency over this part of the application. If they make statements that conflict with other parts of the application, you will be seen as too risky and likely be dinged.
~Common pitfalls~: recommender overly reliant on ChatGPT, pulls from review file without modifying, doesn’t answer the question squarely, doesn’t answer both the questions, doesn’t do any storytelling. Cramming and jamming a bunch of superficial stuff in there but nothing gets developed, the reader has no traction and so it has no impact. Uses industry jargon and acronyms, which prevents the reader from understanding anything. Use of conceptual superlatives and adjectives but nothing the reader can “see” or absorb.
Good luck to all!

Me(35F) and husband(35M) have 4 kids ages 12F, 10F, 7F, and 5M. I(35F) am one of 6 kids (I will label all my siblings #1 to #6) between my Mom and Dad, who are divorced and both remarried. This is about my Dad and Step mom who we are currently no contact/very low contact. I am feeling split about reconciliation and I want outside perspective.
This started at Christmas( December) 2022.
Names changed for privacy, and throw away account for same.
Step Mom message to group chat:
On #5 behalf, she and twin #6 had committed to do Christmas today which is probably why she couldn’t join you for brunch.
Plus she got tricked into visiting ( mom's side, other drama not needed for context here) last time she was here. Really your mother might miss # 5 today but she has 8 grandchildren there.
Furthermore, (mom) will always have grandkids. They won't be taught to treat her like a leper because she is part of your church. Have you ever paused to think about how Dad and I feel when we’re “allowed” to be around you. Think about it. Seriously.”
Sibling #1
(Step-Mom), this really hurts me very badly that you feel like we "allow" you to be around our kids. I think I'm going to need some time to process this.
I don't know what happened today exactly, but I do know that I messaged Katie privately and that you don't know all the ways that we support each other. We also all have our own relationships with our mother that we are navigating and to assume that we give her full immunity at all times is very, completely false.
I do appreciate your support of Sibling #5. I know you love and care about her very much. I didn't know you felt this way about a few things.
Step- Mom:
You have raised some good points.
It's impossible to prove what I'm talking about.
Maybe I'm nuts. But your Dad, and others, have seen it.
Sibling #1 ( lives out of state)
I'm definitely not down there, so I don't see everything.
So I guess I'm only speaking from my point of view.
And I did react and respond a little too quickly. Carrie has messaged me and we are having a really good conversation.
Sibling #5
I'm sorry you had a distressing experience today.
Step Mom:
You are such a wonderful person, #1. So is your hubby and children.
OP and husband are fun and such awesome parents
And #4 and spouse. Oh my gosh, you two are adorable. Their kiddos are growing up and showing such beautiful, and, erm, rascally personalities. So strong, too. Physically and mentally.
#6 offered excellent advice to me. Well, insight, really. So thank you again
Thank you guys for an awesome gift
So in a private I said a very short "you hurt me really bad and you really didn't need to comment about things you didn't know about, especially when its about my mom', and she responded saying "if she did “irreversible damage then (she) will grovel until (I) come around, take your time , we love you” already just expecting me to forgive her she just need to grovel and wait long enough, which to be fair has always happened in the past.
I responded with a private message:
That was a lot yesterday and I'm still hurting so I'm not going to reply much right now but I did want to say something and I really hope it's not to much but I really think its important.
Each of us kids have our own unique relationship with each other and with you together and separately. I love you but please stop trying to manage our relationships. You really don't know what's going on with my relationship with ( Mom) and (Step Dad) any more that you know of what Sibling #2 and my relationship or # 4 and and me etc., or # 5 and ( Mom) The opposite is true as well that I don’t want # 6 and #5 trying to manage my relationship with either you or Dad. And I certainly don’t let ( mom) and (Step dad) reprimand me for any aspect of my relationship with you or my siblings. Again I really love you both and we all have some growing up to do but I love that we can all grow together and learn together and have the awesome family we do.
Step mom Private message to me :
Wow. Managing relationships? You accuse me of managing your relationship because I reminded you guys that #5 already had plans with #6? Plus #5 said M( our half brother from Mom and Step dad) tricked her into having gumbo with them last time she was here for thanksgiving
I obviously should have kept my mouth shut.
Step Mom immediately posts to the GROUP CHAT
Hi again. YES I know I'm an idiot. I'm deeply sorry for yesterday. There is no joy in my life knowing I have angered some of you.
Please know that the love I have for you kids, and your kids, or kittens, is genuine. Today has been painful, knowing that some of you are still terribly angry at me. Makes me wonder if you guys will ever relinquish your angst.
The note from yesterday was not meant to be me "managing" your relationships. My comment about your Mom was sincere. I have always thought she was 100 x more lucky than me and Dad when it comes to seeing you guys because she is your Mom. And because she is well the church. Until last night I thought that made a difference. But it has been explained to me that the church has nothing to do with who you spend time with. My apologies for that confusion, things are clear now.
I swear I didn't mean to cause trouble.
Sister #5 was at my house yesterday morning and she was very stressed out. It made me sad to see her that way and as the day went on I decided to speak out. Obviously she didn't ask me to do that. Because she had been tricked into going over there last month during Thanksgiving there was something inside me which made me speak out yesterday
But I promise you, all of you, I wasn't trying to manage relationships. I really have no clue what that even means, nor how it became an issue.
Why I added the whiny bit about your Mom getting to see the kids more than me is shameful and I know it. I apologize. Sincerely. Whole heartedly.
#6
Our lives and relationships with each other has been long, winding and complex -- and will continue to be so
As we move forward, we'll keep making mistakes, BUT I hope we also make the effort to communicate, rectify and grow
(As I hope I see this time going as well)
#5
Complex is certainly what we all are.
And I want to say thanks to (step mom) for being protective-there are many times I just wave things off and say I’m ok when I’m actually not fine to avoid conflict. And for everyone being willing to listen- even if the conversations are uncomfortable or I may have been curt and short.
Step Mom:
You guys really break my heart
And no, I'm not in Galveston because there is no joy in my heart.
Knowing I'm at the Salem witch trials is hard
#1
I've been lazy and am just getting out of bed, but... Happy Birthday Carrie. We're going through a rough moment here, but I have Hope that we'll work through it. Sometimes hard things end up being very good things in the end.
My PRIVATE MESSAGE to Step Mom is Heated because she brought my private words to the group chat to try and pressure me to forgive her and have the other siblings pressure me to let it go like everyone else has but I just wasn’t going to this time. This is where I might be the AH.
OP:
Yeah you should have let #5 speak for herself, let #5 be a grown a** adult and communicate and not have you tell the rest of us what she is feeling. If she wanted us to know the she needs to be the one to do it and she WAS! She was text me(#3) and #4 about the situation separately and you decided to get in the middle and SPEAK FOR HER TO SIBLINGS Who WERENT EVEN INVOLVED. and that YOU weren't involved in either.
My mom and step dad don't speak for me or my siblings between us. Dad and you don't speak for us between siblings especially about things you have only heard one side about! You had no right and you are very much in the wrong to have tried to reprimand all of us siblings because you got hot headed over a situation you were not part of. So yeah stop trying to manage and just let #5 talk to you about things that upset her, I don't care if she does but you are not responsible to act on behalf of a 29 year old human being with thoughts, feelings and consequences of her own.
BACK TO Group Message
Dad:
I want to tell step-mom, "Happy Birthday", but I cannot.
To start with, I know I make mistakes. We all do. That's a given for all humans.
But, here's the deal:(Step-mom) will defend you against any perceived wrong or bullying.
Yes, bullying.
Coercive manipulation, emotional or otherwise, is one of the many reasons I chose the course I am now on.
Now, I know that (Step mom) makes mistakes,
I make mistakes,
#1 makes mistakes,
#2 makes mistakes,
#3 makes mistakes,
#4 makes mistakes,
#5 makes mistakes,
#6 makes mistakes.
None of us get a free pass.
WE ARE ALL GUILLTY OF HURTING SOMEBODY SOMETIMES!!!!
SO STOP THE EMOTIONAL BS!!!!
NOW!!!
(Step-mom) went on the defense for someone because she has always, always, always defended those who she believes are in need.
You don't need to ask for that defense because she's very much aware of how a bully makes you afraid of repercussions.
Consider the Russian attach on Ukraine.
In that conflict, the aggressor now complains that others "are getting involved when they should let us work it out ourselves"
This is complete Bull Shit.
OP (#3 just fyi), guess what? If you were being treated unfairly, what do you think (step-mom) would do?
SHE WOULD BE DEFENDING YOU. Even now, even today, even to the death, if that was necessary.
So, everybody.
Take a huge breath.
Step back and stand down.
And remember this: If you even appear, in her eyes, to be causing someone else some pain, she will always jump in and face you down.
You should always expect that, be it will always happen.
This is who she is.
And, if you were actually respectful of the others and they unfairly mis-informed her, guess what?
She will turn on them with a vengeance.
Step-Mom is all about being fair, and she will always, always, always come to your defense, even if things between are not "happy", she will do it just because you are family and that's what we do.
It's just one of the many, many reasons that I love Carrie.
All of this causing me a lot of grief right now. So much so that I can't even wish her a "Happy Birthday"; the words will fall flat.
Just remember, we are all guilty of hurting others (and this tirade may be one of mine, but that's on me), so just stop the judgements.
Please help me share this one important day with a woman who would take a bullet for anyone of you.
Today, I just want to be able to tell her "Happy Birthday", and let it ring true.
#6
If I may be so bold as to share this general infographic?
https://www.ucdenver.edu/docs/librariesprovider7/lunch-and-learn-fliers/intention-vs-impact-parts-1-and-2-handout-2020.pdf?sfvrsn=adeca0b9\_2
I think we could all benefit on stepping back, taking a breather, a little introspection, and revisit to resolve later?www.ucdenver.edu In the meantime, I do hope you find the heart to enjoy the beautiful weather @Carrie, you deserve the sunshine
So we let everything be and I had no intention of messaging again until after the new year, that is until Step Mom decided to text my husband privately. Which is very unusually and she only does if I am unreachable and only about needed information never a casual conversation. It is also about my now 10F child show was diagnosed dyslexic when she was 7-8 years old ( 2nd grade) and so this message is over a year after her original diagnosis.
Step-Mom to Husband of OP private message:
Please please please take this into consideration, and I beg you to keep this to yourself until you have had a chance to further evaluate this.
(10F daughter) has a genius level intellect which is being wasted. It is heartbreaking to see her held back and labeled dyslexic.
I beg you to evaluate her yourself. Yes yes the school slapped a label on her. That doesn’t mean you have to believe it. Please sit down with her and ask her to read a page from a book beyond her years. I've done that. You will be shocked.
Please note: this is the only time in my life that I have butted into your child raising. It's our philosophy to stay out of the way. In this case I must ask forgiveness as I beg you to evaluate ( 10F).
Then I sent this to the Group Chat
Sorry everyone for whatever aftermath this will cause but I'm going to set a personal boundary with Dad and (Step mom) and I'm doing this publicly because this is where they want to do it.
Here is the original two messages they are so mad about
(screenshots of our private messages above)
(screenshots of text messages to husband of OP above)
I just want to say very publicly that I am angry and not at all sorry about what I said because she has once again proved that she can't and won't stay out of relationships and situations she isn't part of.
Since this isn't the first time she has lashed out at us for things we haven't done, by her own actions and not words, I can see she has no desire to accept that what she did hurts . It is going to take more than half hearted apologies and flattery for me to forgive this time.
To Dad and (Step Mom): I will be taking a one month break from all communication from both of you.
I love you both but you have hurt me and now my family.
Step Mom (group message):
(OP). Really?
#6:
I thought we all agreed yesterday to back off and cool down. Even (Dad) before he removed his own comment.
Why then are you continuing to hound?
(Step-mom), you roped in the grandkids, KIDS into a situation that had nothing to do with them
I personally find that crossing a very hard line
Dad:
Deleted comment was an accident click on the snow icon, which would have incorrectly indicated happiness. Be care of yourself accusations.
#5
This is not about standing up for me anymore.
#6
Right it's still there, my apologies.
#5
Grandkids and spouses should not have been a part of this. I’m not ok with anyone pulling in those that are not directly connected
Dad:
This was Carrie making suggestions to a parent about their child - it's ip to them to consider it. It's not "hounding". It's not getting between anyone. It was trying to get a message through one way or the other. Knock it off, everyone.
#6
At the heels of this current argument it IS incredible inappropriate timing
#2 (who doesn’t usually get involved in things)
So, I have been largely silent in all of this, besides some reactions here and there, because I didn't deem myself largely involved.
But I can't any longer.
I have been closely observing all of this, from many angles, and I can easily say this:
My sisters have been logical, calm, and clear. Emotional, yes, but not once have they let it rule them. All reactions I have seen are justified.
All of the older generation, on the other hand, has been illogical, holier-than-thou, and manipulative.
Even now, you call out for careful accusations, Dad? Carrie's wild accusations are what started this!
I am normally proud of Dad and Carrie, but right now I am ashamed. You are hurting all of us, and then blaming us.
Dad talked about wanting to defend Katie? We have a phrase in LGBT+ circles for what she's done, and what you're doing: a bad or damaging ally. Allies like that are pushed out of LGBT+ circles.
You mentioned us defending Ukraine? Bad example. We asked Ukraine first how they wanted to be defended. We followed their lead. (Step-Mom), and now you, have done the opposite.
I need to go to work now, so I won't be able to respond right away, but my feelings are valid, and I needed to get them out there.
Dad:
Carrie has made no accusations and I have not been hot headed. We will ignore you all now, if that's preferable.
#6
Not here per say but I know we've all been talking directly/privately
All of this was settled into he group chat 2 days ago, at least I thought
I do know that each individual relationship with each other has had some deep seat issues exposed from this though
And it constantly being drug back the group chat is distressing, frustrating and ultimately ineffective
#6
And for the record, I'm not happy about Shay jumping in for Kate either and all this devolving inti much more deep-seated issues
#1
this has all spun wildly out of control so quickly. I KNOW we all love each other deeply, which means the hurt we are feeling is deep too. There have been misunderstandings, impulsive responses, misdirected intentions, and things boiling just under the surface that have exploded. Like Dad said, mistakes made. My heart is literally breaking right now. I feel like I'm watching us being torn apart, piece by piece. I will respect anyone's wishes to take a step back/take a break because I believe that will help in the long run. Acknowledging the hurt people are feeling is valid, not emotional BS. And I will continue to try and be humble and see things from other people's point of view and experiences before doling out any judgement. I hope I don't sound preachy. I really just love and care about all of you so much.
#6
That's why I keep saying WE need to back off, WE all need to be introspective and WE all need to find a way to approach this in a healthy way
(In that point Dad is right, like Amber said)
#2
I agree, but only to a point. How many times have we stepped back, have I held back, only for us to justify to ourselves that our emotions, our reactions, were invalid?
And so we buried them, we pushed them down, we bottled them. We called it emotional bs.
We put them in the closet.
I know from personal experience what happens when one does that. It's not good.
Some of the best relationships I currently have are because I was forthcoming with my emotions. It was messy. It was loud. It sucked.
And now they are some of my best friends. Some are amazing colleagues, who always have my back.
And looking at it, I'm more open with some of them than my own family.
So yes, let's contemplate for a little while, but let's also burn this tinder we've been storing away. Let's find the source and set it aflame.
And then let us hug in the afterglow of the embers.
It's going to be difficult. Honesty can really hurt. But it can also bring us closer together in the end Please, before the closet explodes and destroys the house.
#6
VERY good points, which is also why I added "finding a healthier approach"
Then Step-mom leaves the group and every other smaller group chat and changes her Facebook name and blocks everyone excpet #4's husband for some reason. they went to private messages only and no new group chats have been made to date _ per all the siblings-
I reached out at the month mark like I said I would and they didn't respond so I wrote them off until they sent a birthday card to my oldest in April and I had her respond a thank you to them. Then they sent a card( no note) and a gift card for my 7F child's birthday in August but it wasn’t until September and 10F childs ( the one with Dyslexia) birthday that they decided to write in the card a note that said a lot of I love you and miss you and then the manipulative “if we ever get to see you again.” which brought everything back tot he surface.
I didn’t give it to 10F, and I haven't told any of my kids what going on, except the older one has asked and she knows that we argued and we need space but that's it. They did forgot my youngest now 5M birthday both January’s now, and nothing for mine or husbands birthdays.
And at 10F birthday my Dad sent a text message
“ #3 We hope that charlotte has had a great birthday
I apologize for all the pain. maybe someday we can sit face to face and understand each other better
We love you all.
Step mom FB message still under a new name
Not sure if any messages are reaching you.
I'm very sorry for upsetting you so many times during our lives. I wish we could talk, or write. I'm sorry from the deepest part of my heart.
Happy birthday to charlotte ( A day late)
I really miss you guys
I'm sorry for being a jerk and any other adjective you wish to throw on top. I will apologize for all
I love you all.
Since all of this some of the sibling have gone back on their original thoughts/comments here in the message chain once they went back and read through everything after the holidays and we have collectively seen that this behavior is very manipulative and #6 and I are still not on great terms with dad and step mom but I'm on good terms with all my siblings.
I know they seem like they have apologized but this is not the first time things like this have happened, such as making snide comments about the way our Mom used the child support, telling at least 3 of us after minor car accidents that we were lying about what happen and how can we be so stupid. Shockingly none of us lied, it was just really random circumstances that each of them happened but we were automatically liars even though we all paid for our own cars, insurance, and gas so they didn't pay out a dime. ( we all started working when we were 16ish) threatening to take back a cat they helped #6 ( age 27 at the time) adopt from a neighbors litter of kittens because #6 was moving in with her long time boyfriend that step mom and Dad don’t like ( boyfriend dared to argue a scrabble rule in their house and didn’t give into Dad’s among other small push back type incidents but nothing major), accusing people of stealing, or berating #2 about his grades ( he's ADHD btw but they are hard core against meds), saying that I didn't need depression meds at 11 while Dad and mom were divorcing and I took it really hard and def need them. 3 siblings have stayed the religion of our mother and 3 haven't. The 3 religious siblings have kids and the others don't yet or never will, my Dad and Step mom are very much against religion, but us siblings really couldn't care less and we have our own group chat and monthly sibling video chat, especially since there have been more moving farther away. Step mom and Dad subtly take jabs at being religious and have over stepped boundaries about talking to grandkids about religions opinions.
At this point I feel like I need to reconcile since many of my other siblings have, but overall my life has been much less stressful without them. I have major guilt sometimes and feel like I over reacted, but then again most days I don’t so I want outside opinions.
My husband has agreed to whatever I want to do with my relationship with them, and just wants me to not do anything based on feeling obligated but he is also my husband and will take my side and siblings and friends are half and half about reconcile or not, so I just feel like I need some outside perspective, and whether I over reacted and if a year is more than plenty of time to cool off.
​
So reddit AITAH? and what do I do next?
TDLR:
Step mom starts drama in the family group chat then gets very passive aggressive and manipulative after I won't readily forgive her this time (no surprise this is about the 100th time she has done this). Dad defends step mom and belittles everyone's emotions/reactions. Step mom then messages my husband ( which she never does) about my 10F child being "to smart to have dyslexia, and we shouldn't just let the school label her like that". The dyslexia diagnosis was end of 2nd grade so child would have been 7-8 years old at the time and is now 10 and step mom is just now bringing this up after a big blow up and tried to play it off as her just being concerned. So I tell the group chat I will go no contact for a month and why, which causes Dad and step mom to freak out and bail from all communication from all 6 siblings. Now its been a year and I am split about resuming a relationship with them.

Getting my thoughts straight on the things I keep track of/tools while playing solo. If you get something out of this, great!
Types of locations

1. Settings (Usually on the scale of the entire premise; a zombie apocalypse, a space ship, etc)
2. Maps (Commonly Settlements, Wilderness, Roads and Dungeons. They contain multiple rooms)
3. Rooms (Each room often will contain dialogue scenes, combat/trap encounters, puzzle encounters, a challenge (ie a non-puzzle that implies some skill check like strength, dex, agility, etc. Running away from a boulder, a tightrope, a wall to climb...)
4. Interactables(?) (Choices in terms of clues & forks; A or B. A has dry air while B has a lot of croaking sounds. Opportunities; maybe there's a loose stalactite during an encounter to drop. Objects; A glowing obelisk, a small hill, walls & voids, a lone red button)

Types of ways to derive plots

1. Plot device chain (Plot devices force desire or reactions from players. Creates conflict. Chandler's law, a threatening person suddenly shows up. Being Hunted; bounty hunters, sheriff, vengeful individual keep the players on the move. Macguffin; valuable object that many characters want, ideal is protecting/delivering the macguffin as it establishes the hunted plot device. Significant Injury/Condition; Low resources/HP can force players to take risks to resolve this. Opportunity; to obtain A, must do B or Obtain A now, but pay price B)
2. Location Chain (Ie in adventurer, you start at some location (map), then draw a card for another location, then face encounters as you travel and arrive. Then draw for the next location. Its on you to make up the why)
3. Challenge Chain (Basically a set of obstacles which you must face, typically used with plot devices and desires. They often imply skill check and combat encounters. Combat scene, chase scene, travel scene, convincing scene...)
4. Desire Chain (You are basically a tourist, you find something you want to do. Go after it in however many stages, experience it then see the next thing and chase after that)

Types of Beats:

1. Exposition beat (Oftentimes description, also Q&A about what the fleshing out the nature of what something is,
2. Action-by-action beat (combat, skill checks, anything where you have to think about physical actions or immediate moves)
3. Montage/Narrative beat (The realm of yes, and. But therefore. Also anything that is more abstract than action-by-action. Nir thought that X would work, but then Y happens, so therefore Nir must choose between 3 choices. Nir walked from the village to the head of the bandit camp)
4. Dialogue beat (chit chat, skill-checks, gathering information/knowledge)

Types of generating content/exposition:

1. Evocative names (You approach a cave; the cave of the nightspill, the putrid split, the place of the fall of the elves... Maybe this means its like, corrupted, evil and dark with so-and-so details, monsters, and xyz. Helps with themeing)
2. The classic adjective/verb/noun oracles
3. Collage (For this cave, it will be based on darth vader crossed with a dwarven city crossed with a minecraft mineshaft. So it has these ancient wooden walkways above this giant drop, littered with these mysterious unmined red crystals...)
4. Purpose (This cave was made to create the ancient talisman of the enchirideon, but then xyz happened therefore this huge battle happened and yadda yadda)