Home dessert plates

Long story short, my 5 year old diabetic cat hasn't taken to insulin since we discovered he was diabetic with a DKA diagnosis. We treated that, and for the last four months have attempted to treat his diabetes. He was chunky before, but much less fat than most cats I see with diabetes. But now he's down to 7 lbs. He has spent the last two days throwing up his wet food.
Since his diagnosis, he's fluctuated between decent days, horrible days, good days, and end of life days. We almost put him down in March because he didn't eat for two days straight, but the morning we were going to go through with it, he popped up and started eating again. He got better and seemed to be doing fairly well after that.
Now he is right back to where he was then.
He's so exhausted. So weak. If we feed him and give him his insulin, he'll puke a few hours later.
I want to put him down here at home with a mobile vet that specializes in euthanasia. My cat hates car rides and I can't handle his last hour on earth being filled with anxiety. The mobile vet doesn't have availability tonight, and tomorrow is literally the only day of the whole year that I actually have to be at work in the office. We are usually virtual, and I have been in charge of having EVERY virtual employee meet for a huge in-person staff day with events, lunches, outings, etc. All on my plate this one day a year. The timing is honestly insane.
My question is—can we wait until Thursday morning to put him down? Is that too late? Is that a normal amount of time? We weren't even thinking of putting him down until lunch time today. I just thought he was a bit sick but going to bounce back like he has in the past. He seems so much worse today than ever before.
Extra Note: we spent a LOT of money treating the DKA. We cannot pour anymore into vet visits to see what else is wrong and/or do another round of DKA treatment. We put a cap on it, and I have to stick with that. I am waiting for him to urinate so I can do a home test for ketones.

Context:
I am 25. I grew up in a family who owned and operated pizzerias in NY. I had started working on the register when I was 13 and started summer jobs as a Bussehost when I was 14. The restaurants I worked FOH were 4star high end (worked for 3). I have also always had a serious passion for cooking. When I was 18 I moved out of my home and began working for a dairy farm, then transitioned to a smoothie/salad/vegan gluten free oriented places (19-21). I was a manager making specials like gf desserts, ready to eat salads, and also worked on their equivalent of a “line”. It was not refined whatsoever, clean, simple food. Did that for 2 years. Then quit during Covid after having tremendous stress, after helping reorient the entire business to be more grocery focused as we had a store front with organic, superfood tonics, meats, plant based stuff, etc. I had issues with the kitchen manager as she treated me differently than the other staff. I immediately applied for a junior sous position at a restaurant that was upscale dining, and after a trial day they were willing to train me on garde manger. I worked their and trained under two very capable chefs who were willing to teach me everything. One 36m another 29m who was actually head chef. I moved my way up to hotline after a yr and a half and was enjoying the job, environment, coworkers, and we would do about 200 covers a night in the summer. I carried on with the company for another year even after my head chef gave a months notice and took a much better more cdc job for a larger more high end company. I took on more responsibilities and and finally decided I had reached my ceiling of learning from that restaurant and I wanted to move overseas to broaden my skillset and resume but felt like I picked the wrong country/restaurants as the food was not on par even with the smoothie salad place I started at. I moved home a year later (2024) and was offered by my now cdc chef, same one who trained me and really vouched for me. I executed a 7 course tasting for the first time ever, dishes ranging from quiche, to pork chop, sole(which I had never cooked before), chicken pot pie, croquettes, salad, basque cheesecake, I made my own stock even, and I had a day of prep and the following day to plate. I landed the job over 4 other people. It was for a “family oriented” but upscale bistro as it was on main street in a very affluent town in NY. We have investors, had a full reno as the spot had been a local favorite for 30 years a recently sold. We lost a lot of time we were supposed to be in the kitchen and the prospective opening day was for May 3rd. It got pushed back to the 10th, friends and family 7th and 8th, training of staff was 5th and 6th, while simultaneously doing recipe testing with chefs that had been brought in from other existing locations. Unbeknownst to my cdc, the investor, and restaurant owner, they hired a head chef from nyc that made good food, but could not complete 95% of tasks that were crucial to opening a restaurant, onboarding employees, understanding the kind of volume our town does in summer, actually cooking volume, properly executing recipes, having any recipes of his own that weren’t fresh off google, said he spoke Spanish and then couldn’t communicate to our staff which were all Hispanic spare 1 line cook I hired and use to work with at my first job, the wastage was off the charts, he couldn’t do inventory properly, and spent half of the time speaking constantly and ignoring everyone thinking he’s “working hard”. I took it upon myself to try and execute recipes I had 3 days to learn, make stocks, train employees and learn how to schedule, organize a kitchen from the top down, clean kitchen after a full Reno, and my cdc and the business owner kept assuring me it was not my fault that things were going sideways and that the head chef was completely incompetent and they were actively looking for a replacement. I couldn’t keep up with the prep as hard as I tried, the walk in was a disaster. Felt like every time I organized it my head chef would receive an order and do things like put raw chicken on top of produce. I found cheeses on shelves and raw ground beef in dry storage left out overnight bc of him. He would just constantly talk and talk and talk about everything and nothing, call me in the off hours to talk about a tart mold that he wanted to make in house for 2 hours. Mention things I could do to loose weight, and it was just constant stimulation leading up to the actual opening and during. All the while he would delegate every single one of the the more complex recipe tasks to our untrained employees (sauce work, chopping herbs for garnish, cutting salmon, tuna for line and for Tartares) and I felt obligated to try and pick up as much of his slack. And if I’m being realistic, I as much as the owner and former cdc who hired me believed in me, I still had a lot of refinement to do in my skillset. I have very shakey hands by nature so my knife skills leave a lot to be desired. Also I can’t just bang out a beurre blanc or mornay without thinking about it. I still have to watch and follow a recipe a few time to get the hang of it even though I understand the principles well. I anticipated a balance between my head chef and I and direction. And the worst part is, he would agree to certain tasks and I was the only one trying to organize our flow of prep, made a detailed prep list because his made absolutely no sense, and we would split tasks, I’d execute mine, and he would spend 4 hours chopping mushrooms and par cooking them even though the pick up was raw as per the owner and cdc. It was absolutely maddening. I started having break downs everyday after work NEVER on site; even when to a psychiatrist in between one of our friends and family days to get the non narcotic equivalent of Xanax. I ended up walking out yesterday (13th). More like called and said I wasn’t coming back after my first day off in a week of straight 14 hour days constantly trying to pick up the pieces my head left behind. I have never walked out a job. But now after all of this, I am questioning whether I will ever be able to have a management position in the kitchen. Asking myself, did I progress too quickly? Am I just not capable? Have I completely exhausted myself in the kitchen? Also, I am sober spare nicotene which I consume like an absolute fiend right now. Any insight is appreciated. Please feel free to ask for more context as this is quite the ramble. Also have photos for reference of the food I’ve cooked over the years .

So my car is totaled (not at fault) and the insurance company wants me to get the totaled car's title transferred from NC (my home state) to KY (where I'm currently at). I'm in KY visiting with my bf (his work schedule is 4 weeks on, 4 weeks off), so when the accident happened, I gave the address in KY since I'd be here for the next few weeks and thought this would be done by the time I went back.
I live half in both states but my license and official address is in NC. The vehicle is registered in NC & the plates are from NC, I do not have a KY license or anything else associated, just use this address while I'm here for shipping/anything I need here at the time. Also, the certificate of title is at my mom's place in NC so I can't bring it in and I'm about to leave KY today so I can't wait for it to be shipped.
Should I tell the insurance company the address is in NC? I'm worried that'd be considered giving misinformation/fraud or whatever and I wouldn't get the settlement money.
I have no idea what to do so any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

Hi everyone. Just about 15 minutes ago I was walking home and looked up at the moon for the third time tonight I think. Then I asked, "Was that vision from you (Hekate) or was it my own imagination? I need some confirmation please." I got some tingling on my skin but I still wanted a solid one. 15-20 seconds later a black cat jumped from my left and it followed me. As soon as I saw the cat I was shocked and my eyes teared up. Then it stopped in front of a car and the license plate had my initials on it 😭 What do you think? I really need your opinions on this one.

Please be gentle. I am 33- f, single, living at home with parents. I spent 10 years in a toxic relationship and just starting to get out of the cobwebs and realize I do have a future, if I want one. I was depressed and felt like I had no future for so long.
Now that therapy has helped a ton, I am beginning to envision a future and see my worth. However, I get paralyzed when I think about my finances. I recently got a raise making now 70k around and $966/wk. I have around 120k worth of deb- most is student, 20 is car, ( i pay a friend at a 1.% interest ) and then around 5k in CC debt. I have 20k in my 401k, but I just found out bc of my ex advice I was not contributing anything all this time for my 40k so this is just employer (tragicccc).
I want to start contributing, but what percent? Do I also start a Roth IRA? Or do I wait to invest before out of debt- my student loans feel insurmountable and feel like with the 20yr plan and my payments only going to interest I just am ignoring them and paying my monthly payment.
I feel scared and lost about future, and retirement and living comfortably. I want to move out. Rent/Buy?!
Have my own life but idk where to focus first.
I feel if I wait until debt free, I'll be living at home with my parents until 40 and feel like I am waiting so long for "life" to begin after wasting so much time in an abuse situation.
I also just started my own business, slow rolling, which supplemental money is coming in and soon more (another part time opportunity) but also there are business expenses on my plate too.
Does anyone have any advice? Where to start/focus? I feel doomed. Sometimes when I think about my finances I go back into that despair cycle and wonder what is the point.
Looking for a beacon here.
TIA.

Nestled on the northeastern coast of the Arabian Peninsula, Qatar is a captivating blend of modernity and tradition, offering visitors a tapestry of cultural richness, economic prosperity, and natural wonders. From the gleaming skyline of Doha to the serene beaches of Al Wakrah, Qatar beckons travelers to explore its diverse landscapes and vibrant heritage. Check out: Shopping malls in Doha Qatar In this informative blog, we embark on a journey to uncover the essence of Qatar, delving into its culture, economy, and attractions that make it a captivating destination.
Exploring Qatari Culture
Qatar’s cultural tapestry is woven with threads of tradition and modernity, creating a unique mosaic that reflects its rich heritage and cosmopolitan outlook. Visitors can immerse themselves in the vibrant souqs (markets) of Doha, where the aroma of spices mingles with the sounds of bargaining, or wander through the corridors of the Museum of Islamic Art, home to a treasure trove of artifacts spanning over a thousand years of history.
Unveiling the Economic Landscape
As one of the wealthiest countries in the world, Qatar’s economy is driven by its abundant natural resources, particularly natural gas. The country has leveraged its strategic location and economic diversification efforts to become a global hub for trade, finance, and investment. Visitors can witness the towering skyscrapers of West Bay, a testament to Qatar’s rapid urbanization and economic growth, or explore the cutting-edge facilities of Education City, fostering innovation and knowledge exchange.
Discovering Tourist Attractions
Qatar’s natural beauty is as captivating as its urban landscape, with pristine beaches, majestic sand dunes, and lush mangrove forests waiting to be explored. Visitors can embark on a desert safari adventure, traversing the golden sands of the Inland Sea and experiencing the thrill of dune bashing, or indulge in water sports along the scenic coastline of Katara Beach. For history enthusiasts, a visit to the UNESCO-listed site of Al Zubarah offers a glimpse into Qatar’s storied past as a trading hub.
Embracing Hospitality and Cuisine
Qatari hospitality is renowned for its warmth and generosity, with locals welcoming visitors with open arms and inviting them to partake in traditional rituals and customs. Food lovers can tantalize their taste buds with an array of culinary delights, from savory shawarma and fragrant biryani to delectable desserts such as kunafa and luqaimat. Qatar’s dining scene is a reflection of its diverse population, offering a melting pot of flavors from around the world.
Conclusion
In conclusion, Qatar is a destination that captivates the senses and leaves a lasting impression on all who visit. Whether you’re drawn to its cultural heritage, economic dynamism, or natural wonders, Qatar offers a multitude of experiences waiting to be discovered. So, pack your bags and embark on an unforgettable journey to Qatar, where tradition meets innovation, and adventure awaits around every corner.
For more information regarding water park qatar visit our website: https://qatariscoop.com/

Noobie here. I bought an Aquila X2 second-hand. The seller was kind enough to include an SD card he'd been using with this machine. I came home, leveled the plate, and could print anything I wanted off the SD card. I've been searching thinkiverse for cute animals that my kids want me to print. I have unzipped the files (if needed), put them in VoxelMaker (I've also tried Cura) after editing printer settings like many tutorials showed, sliced them, and saved them to the same SD Card. When I insert it in the machine I can see the .g file, and can select Print. The printer warms up and moves the printing head (my terminology is also novice), but doesn't spit out any filament. I can change NOTHING and still print the files the seller had preloaded. It's got to be my file type or transferring them to the SD Card, right?

Please be gentle. I am 33- f, single, living at home with parents. I spent 10 years in a toxic relationship and just starting to get out of the cobwebs and realize I do have a future, if I want one. I was depressed and felt like I had no future for so long.
Now that therapy has helped a ton, I am beginning to envision a future and see my worth. However, I get paralyzed when I think about my finances. I recently got a raise making now 70k around and $966/wk. I have around 120k worth of deb- most is student, 20 is car, ( i pay a friend at a 1.% interest ) and then around 5k in CC debt. I have 20k in my 401k, but I just found out bc of my ex advice I was not contributing anything all this time for my 40k so this is just employer (tragicccc).
I want to start contributing, but what percent? Do I also start a RothIRA? Or do I wait to invest before out of debt- my student loans feel insurmountable and feel like with the 20yr plan and my payments only going to interest I just am ignoring them and paying my monthly payment.
I feel scared and lost about future, and retirement and living comfortably. I want to move out. Rent/Buy?! Have my own life but idk where to focus first.
I feel if I wait until debt free, I'll be living at home with my parents until 40 and feel like I am waiting so long for "life" to begin after wasting so much time in an abuse situation.
I also just started my own business, slow rolling, which supplemental money is coming in and soon more (another part time opportunity) but also there are business expenses on my plate too.
Does anyone have any advice? Where to start/focus? I feel doomed. Sometimes when I think about my finances I go back into that despair cycle and wonder what is the point.
Looking for a beacon here.
TIA.

I know it was your first relationship. At 28, you had already been through so much, having been on your own for 13 years. You were forced to grow up too fast, and had to prioritize yourself, building a life from nothing. I get it. It was your fierce independence that made me fall for you in the first place.
I always knew that trying to build a life with you was going to be a struggle. I thought it would be worth it, for both of us. You deserve to have someone in your corner, that always has your back. You shouldn’t have to be alone. I don’t know if you believed the same.
I think I gave up too much of myself for you. Was that my mistake or yours? Did you really ask for too much, or did I give too freely without expectation for anything in return? Maybe both. Probably more on me. I’m not perfect by a long shot.
Compromise. It really does all come down to that. I tried to show you its importance, but in the process I ended up being the only one willing to do it. Me getting to pick what movie we watched or getting to plan a date became something I only got to do on special occasions. You said you felt like you didn’t know me, but so many times in so many ways I offered up little pieces of me to you. I share myself by sharing the things I love with the people I love. But more and more towards the end, all you’d say was “no”. Ignoring any context. Ignoring those pieces of me.
I know you don’t like movies about kids. I know asking to watch Home Alone during Christmas was a big ask. But it was a tradition that I shared with my dad, who I lost just over a year before. I know you think that traditions are pointless, but it was important to me. My earliest memories are of that. I needed to continue on, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it alone. I needed you there, your support. It was such a small gesture I was asking of you, but all I got was “no”. Instead we watched a movie you picked: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. A movie made by the exact same people that made Home Alone, and with even more kids.
We wanted to go to Ireland. Personally I’ve been wanting to go for years, but couldn’t because of my dad’s illness along with everything else going on. You knew that in the last 3 years I lost all of my grandparents, two uncles, my dad. I couldn’t risk going so far away for so long while everyone was sick. My mom saw me giving up the latter half of my 20s for my family, when she was hoping I would be enjoying life and seeing the world. That’s why she was happy to give us the money to have the trip of our dreams. I explained all of this to you while you were struggling to find a way to save for the trip. All my mom wanted in return was a single nice photo of us. That wasn’t even a requirement for the money. She just wanted to see me with the person that I love making our dreams come true. I know you hate having your picture taken. The only attention your dad ever gave you was when he wanted to test a new camera. It’s a trauma trigger. But I was only asking for one picture. You’d compromise for your friends, you’d compromise for your sister. You’d take pictures with them. Why wouldn’t you compromise for your partner, and the other most important person in your partners life? After a year, we have 3 pictures together, none of which are very good. I know that I was asking for a lot, but I felt so less important than everyone else in your life. Maybe you felt that as your partner, I was to be held to a higher standard? I honestly don’t know. All you said was “no”.
You admitted yourself I was so supportive. I always prioritized you. From always making your tea before mine, to giving you the better looking plate at dinner, to planting all of your favorite flowers in my garden. I always complemented you, how smart you are, how beautiful you are, how driven and independent you are. Your friend needed a ride to a 5k and someone to cheer them on? I was there. You needed someone to drive you around while your car was in the shop for 2 months? No problem. Accidentally overdrew your account again, and you couldn’t afford the late fees? Here’s $50. Need to move on short notice? I’m the guy tearing apart and moving your furniture. You have a migraine so bad you can’t eat? I’m bringing you pedialyte and sleeping on your couch, even though I didn’t actually get any sleep. I learned all your rituals so not to trigger your OCD. There are countless other examples. I never said no. I never complained. You rarely said so much as “thank you”.
The big one. The thing that ended us. You’re right, we did sit down like adults time and time again and talked things out. You said you needed me to anticipate your needs. You’d get overwhelmed, and couldn’t articulate what you needed from me. You couldn’t stand being asked what you needed. You just needed me to start helping. “Mental loads” and all that. I took that to heart. But I’m not perfect. Sometimes I’d miss the mark. Tried to support you, but in the wrong way. Even in my failures I showed effort, but you never seemed to see that. You only focused on how I failed.
We recognized that this was a problem caused by both of us. The communication wasn’t getting through. But I had already adapted to your communication style as much as I could. My exited, rambling, almost impulsive way of generating ideas became slow, methodical, thoughtful. I put intention behind everything so not to overwhelm you. I learned not to jump at the obvious solution.
Yes, we sat down like adults and talked things over time and time again. You told me what you needed from me, but I also told you what I needed from you. If I was missing the mark, please just guide me to what you needed. I’m not a mind reader. I did it for you all the time. You were honestly awful at anticipating my needs too. If I was venting, had a bad day, all you’d say was “I’m sorry”, and pat me on the back like a puppy. No effort to dig deeper. No words of support or encouragement. So I had to show you how I needed support. I just needed you to do the same for me. “No”. Again.
One final time, I sent you words of support when you were having a bad day. It wasn’t enough, you wanted more. A phone call? For me to come over so you could vent in person? Did you actually want me to directly help for once? I don’t know. You never told me. Instead of guiding me to what you needed, you immediately shut down. Full silent treatment. I’ve been in abusive relationships where the silent treatment was welded as a weapon. I know you didn’t mean it in an abusive way, you were just overwhelmed again. But I never expected it from you. I didn’t see it for what it was. I only ever asked one thing from you to save us. I put in the work, got us 80% of the way there. I knew I couldn’t bridge the gap on my own. I wasn’t even asking you to put in effort on my behalf, it was for your benefit. I begged you time and time again for help. To communicate. Not to put it all on me, because I couldn’t do it on my own. But instead, you did the opposite.
You said that you felt like you were putting more effort into the relationship than I was. I’m sorry, but I can’t see that effort. I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I can’t. Maybe you mean you put effort into forgiving me every time I messed up? Maybe you mean that you were always planning dates, always picking what we watched, where we went, what we ate, what we drank? Again, mental loads and such. But I had things that I wanted to do and share with you that you always turned down. You only had to plan everything after my plans were rejected. It would have been more efficient for you to show love, patience, and compromise. Maybe we would have worked out then.
But you left instead.

A month ago we lost one of our dogs. My senior dog started refusing her food, she was on raw at the time. Then I tried home cooked food for her like ground pork , sweet potatoes, brown rice and vegetables with supplements then she started refusing that food so I tried switching her to wet food and she was reluctant to eat it but ate it anyway and now she started refusing it when its in a dish. I give her a spoonful at a time directly on the floor and she will eat it that way. I tried plates, pasta bowls and her own dish. We saw the vet a couple of weeks ago and she said that our dog seems fine and it's probably due to losing our other dog. Im so stressed out right now and feel so bad for her. Has anyone experienced this after the loss of another pet in the house?

Hi there, I picked up an ended 3v2 a few months back and built it but haven't been able to get it working, when it travels along the y axis it tries to go off the edge on the front side, and on the back side it seems to hit up against part of the base of the machine. I've got two videos: one of it happening, one of it homing. Has anyone seen this happen and know how to resolve? I don't see any loose screws or anything sticking out under the plate. The plate size in the programs are all correct, so it's not that either.
https://streamable.com/swqup1 https://streamable.com/ks21m8
Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thanks.

A Silence Abroad
It was on my first night in Japan that I forgot I was alone. Tokyo’s Shinjuku district greeted me with bright neon lights illuminating flocks of tourists walking shops, arcades, and food stands. And somehow, I was a very small part of it, all by myself on the other side of the world. (Maybe with the occasional tout trying to follow me around.)
Solitude is a vulnerable state, and consequently, a compromise. You seize the moment for yourself, and the space is only yours to fill, but intrusive thoughts will covertly slip through and permeate like a disease. Underneath all the lights, humanity surrounded me, enjoying a drink with friends or snapshotting a moment with family. All these people congregated here from around the world, and in spite of their differences, companionship was what they all shared together. The streets filled with the sounds of their life.
But when you feel alone, the mind tricks you into believing that you are not part of it. And you become a silent spectator, watching the phenomenon that is humanity being orchestrated in front of you. It’s a hollow feeling.
And after not speaking and hearing the sound of your own voice for a while, it becomes replaced by a solemn tone whispering empty thoughts. I tried not to listen.
Nevertheless, Tokyo was beautiful (Senso-ji temple was stunning and my favorite Japanese dessert is now age manju). One night, I even went to a Japanese hip-hop show in Shibuya and it was a wonderful experience. Getting to watch such extremely talented artists so passionate about their craft inspired me and pulled me away from ruminating loneliness for some time. I met one of the performing artists after the show and told him how much I loved his verse (despite not understanding it) and we hugged and he cried. He thanked me over and over until he started apologizing for thanking me so much. It was a special moment and I will always remember his humility. (His band is KOMOREBI - check them out!).
I also went out with some other travelers that night, trying okonomiyaki in Setagaya for the first time (it was mouthful bliss) and then went out to a punk rock concert, and a night club. I wasn’t a huge fan of the clubbing, but the company was refreshing. And like all good things, it was fleeting, and I bid my farewell to everyone that night.
I packed my things, and took a bullet train to my next stop, Kyoto. I was anticipating it, as the train zoomed south with Mount Fuji in surreal, passing view. Looking out the window, seeing my own transparent reflection, I took a breath. The train was moving at around 300 km/hour, but everything felt still and quiet. Even the parts of me that wanted to cry.
Kyoto was rich with temples and vestiges of a long, cherished history. I visited the Kyoto National Museum where I saw sculptured deities with venerable auras, parables scripted in decayed scrolls, and art that embodied Buddhist principles. I saw elevated temples monumental and grand, and others more modest and reserved. But they all stood resolutely, bearing the resilience of time and constant revival. They have felt desecration during arson and natural disasters, but throughout history, the Japanese have rebuilt and renovated them. And somehow, after enduring all this, as long as time has persisted, here they stood before me, as a testament to strength and preservation.
The long-lasting principles of Buddhism and the culture that were so deeply rooted in this country’s history must continue to live on through the structures that stood before me. Purpose is enough to withstand the cruelty of time’s passage. And the cycle of destruction and restoration that traced centuries was felt in the emanating silence only occupied by the sounds of water trickling down a rill or the occasional soft, swaying of trees. I like to think that ancient silence had touched my existence in those moments and advised me to listen.
Solitude is painful because the empty space that comes with it is congregated by the deeper parts of ourselves that seek to dwell on the purpose of our existence. It is when we are alone and quiet that obtrusive questions confront us, invoking us to listen and contemplate. And when we fail to answer gracefully, that is when the loudest and most self-destructive parts of ourselves will answer for us. The parts that are so keen in stripping our humanity from us.
After my last day in Kyoto, I packed all my things once again, and went over to my final destination, Osaka. I had only one night there. And it was an abrupt return to bustling crowds in the metropolitan. Existential silences were replaced with the sounds of humanity again. But as I walked through Dotonbori on a Friday night eating lots of warm, delicious takoyaki and skewers of Kobe beef, that feeling still returned. I knew I was unwell. And trivialities started to begrudge me and I could tell that it was time. And there would be no escaping it.
I took a taxi back to my hotel and I laid in my bed earlier than expected that night. And everything finally spilled. I cried and I cried and I cried. I was finally listening and it hurt doing so.
This solo trip was supposed to help me escape my problems, but it didn’t. When I brought myself here, I brought everything, and that included problems I wish I could have left behind. And amidst my issues, I questioned myself and my place in the world, even my very reasons for existing during times I felt like I had nobody. And albeit having wonderful moments with people throughout my trip, even strangers who treated me with grace and hospitality, that feeling still lingered and it was revealing a deeper issue. An issue not with whether I was in Japan or back home. Or whether I had people around me or I was alone. It was a deeper issue with myself.
But the silence that comes after the storm is just as serene as the silence that precedes. The older I get, the more I begin to have a respect for emotions and their function. They must be felt and I don’t think they are there to harm or sabotage us, although it might seem like it. It is a need to be heard not by others, but by ourselves. Listening to our own cries for help is scary and uncomfortable, but the silence that follows is like an aged temple still standing after centuries of cyclical adversity. Like the calm flow of water down a rill. Like the soft swaying of trees.
My 10-day solo trip was coming to an end. It was coming time to go home. I spent my last day in Tokyo walking Yoyogi Park. The sky was a clear melancholy overhead scattered, naked trees around the park. I saw couples sitting together, friends circled on picnic blankets, and some reading a book by themselves. Humanity felt beautiful that day and I was grateful to be a part of it, one last time. I packed my things once more before taking my flight back home the next day.
I love Japan and I am grateful it carved a space for me to experience all that I did. This trip will forever hold a special place in my heart. But it was not an epiphany, as much as I wished it was. I did not return home as an entirely new person with newfound happiness or certainty. I returned with the same issues I left with, the same, flawed self that was proof of what it meant to be human this whole time. Only with new experiences. And I don’t think that will change.
My humanity lives in my constant struggle of self-preservation, as I continue to unravel and understand myself as I experience, feel, and change. And perhaps that is enough purpose for my own existence, to strive for those moments of silence, where I will continue to stand resolutely in my own imperfection, alone or not.

I know it was your first relationship. At 28, you had already been through so much, having been on your own for 13 years. You were forced to grow up too fast, and had to prioritize yourself, building a life from nothing. I get it. It was your fierce independence that made me fall for you in the first place.
I always knew that trying to build a life with you was going to be a struggle. I thought it would be worth it, for both of us. You deserve to have someone in your corner, that always has your back. You shouldn’t have to be alone. I don’t know if you believed the same.
I think I gave up too much of myself for you. Was that my mistake or yours? Did you really ask for too much, or did I give too freely without expectation for anything in return? Maybe both. Probably more on me. I’m not perfect by a long shot.
Compromise. It really does all come down to that. I tried to show you its importance, but in the process I ended up being the only one willing to do it. Me getting to pick what movie we watched or getting to plan a date became something I only got to do on special occasions. You said you felt like you didn’t know me, but so many times in so many ways I offered up little pieces of me to you. I share myself by sharing the things I love with the people I love. But more and more towards the end, all you’d say was “no”. Ignoring any context. Ignoring those pieces of me.
I know you don’t like movies about kids. I know asking to watch Home Alone during Christmas was a big ask. But it was a tradition that I shared with my dad, who I lost just over a year before. I know you think that traditions are pointless, but it was important to me. My earliest memories are of that. I needed to continue on, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it alone. I needed you there, your support. It was such a small gesture I was asking of you, but all I got was “no”. Instead we watched a movie you picked: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. A movie made by the exact same people that made Home Alone, and with even more kids.
We wanted to go to Ireland. Personally I’ve been wanting to go for years, but couldn’t because of my dad’s illness along with everything else going on. You knew that in the last 3 years I lost all of my grandparents, two uncles, my dad. I couldn’t risk going so far away for so long while everyone was sick. My mom saw me giving up the latter half of my 20s for my family, when she was hoping I would be enjoying life and seeing the world. That’s why she was happy to give us the money to have the trip of our dreams. I explained all of this to you while you were struggling to find a way to save for the trip. All my mom wanted in return was a single nice photo of us. That wasn’t even a requirement for the money. She just wanted to see me with the person that I love making our dreams come true. I know you hate having your picture taken. The only attention your dad ever gave you was when he wanted to test a new camera. It’s a trauma trigger. But I was only asking for one picture. You’d compromise for your friends, you’d compromise for your sister. You’d take pictures with them. Why wouldn’t you compromise for your partner, and the other most important person in your partners life? After a year, we have 3 pictures together, none of which are very good. I know that I was asking for a lot, but I felt so less important than everyone else in your life. Maybe you felt that as your partner, I was to be held to a higher standard? I honestly don’t know. All you said was “no”.
You admitted yourself I was so supportive. I always prioritized you. From always making your tea before mine, to giving you the better looking plate at dinner, to planting all of your favorite flowers in my garden. I always complemented you, how smart you are, how beautiful you are, how driven and independent you are. Your friend needed a ride to a 5k and someone to cheer them on? I was there. You needed someone to drive you around while your car was in the shop for 2 months? No problem. Accidentally overdrew your account again, and you couldn’t afford the late fees? Here’s $50. Need to move on short notice? I’m the guy tearing apart and moving your furniture. You have a migraine so bad you can’t eat? I’m bringing you pedialyte and sleeping on your couch, even though I didn’t actually get any sleep. I learned all your rituals so not to trigger your OCD. There are countless other examples. I never said no. I never complained. You rarely said so much as “thank you”.
The big one. The thing that ended us. You’re right, we did sit down like adults time and time again and talked things out. You said you needed me to anticipate your needs. You’d get overwhelmed, and couldn’t articulate what you needed from me. You couldn’t stand being asked what you needed. You just needed me to start helping. “Mental loads” and all that. I took that to heart. But I’m not perfect. Sometimes I’d miss the mark. Tried to support you, but in the wrong way. Even in my failures I showed effort, but you never seemed to see that. You only focused on how I failed.
We recognized that this was a problem caused by both of us. The communication wasn’t getting through. But I had already adapted to your communication style as much as I could. My exited, rambling, almost impulsive way of generating ideas became slow, methodical, thoughtful. I put intention behind everything so not to overwhelm you. I learned not to jump at the obvious solution.
Yes, we sat down like adults and talked things over time and time again. You told me what you needed from me, but I also told you what I needed from you. If I was missing the mark, please just guide me to what you needed. I’m not a mind reader. I did it for you all the time. You were honestly awful at anticipating my needs too. If I was venting, had a bad day, all you’d say was “I’m sorry”, and pat me on the back like a puppy. No effort to dig deeper. No words of support or encouragement. So I had to show you how I needed support. I just needed you to do the same for me. “No”. Again.
One final time, I sent you words of support when you were having a bad day. It wasn’t enough, you wanted more. A phone call? For me to come over so you could vent in person? Did you actually want me to directly help for once? I don’t know. You never told me. Instead of guiding me to what you needed, you immediately shut down. Full silent treatment. I’ve been in abusive relationships where the silent treatment was welded as a weapon. I know you didn’t mean it in an abusive way, you were just overwhelmed again. But I never expected it from you. I didn’t see it for what it was. I only ever asked one thing from you to save us. I put in the work, got us 80% of the way there. I knew I couldn’t bridge the gap on my own. I wasn’t even asking you to put in effort on my behalf, it was for your benefit. I begged you time and time again for help. To communicate. Not to put it all on me, because I couldn’t do it on my own. But instead, you did the opposite.
You said that you felt like you were putting more effort into the relationship than I was. I’m sorry, but I can’t see that effort. I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I can’t. Maybe you mean you put effort into forgiving me every time I messed up? Maybe you mean that you were always planning dates, always picking what we watched, where we went, what we ate, what we drank? Again, mental loads and such. But I had things that I wanted to do and share with you that you always turned down. You only had to plan everything after my plans were rejected. It would have been more efficient for you to show love, patience, and compromise. Maybe we would have worked out then.
But then you left.

I know it was your first relationship. At 28, you had already been through so much, having been on your own for 13 years. You were forced to grow up too fast, and had to prioritize yourself, building a life from nothing. I get it. It was your fierce independence that made me fall for you in the first place.
I always knew that trying to build a life with you was going to be a struggle. I thought it would be worth it, for both of us. You deserve to have someone in your corner, that always has your back. You shouldn’t have to be alone. I don’t know if you believed the same.
I think I gave up too much of myself for you. Was that my mistake or yours? Did you really ask for too much, or did I give too freely without expectation for anything in return? Maybe both. Probably more on me. I’m not perfect by a long shot.
Compromise. It really does all come down to that. I tried to show you its importance, but in the process I ended up being the only one willing to do it. Me getting to pick what movie we watched or getting to plan a date became something I only got to do on special occasions. You said you felt like you didn’t know me, but so many times in so many ways I offered up little pieces of me to you. I share myself by sharing the things I love with the people I love. But more and more towards the end, all you’d say was “no”. Ignoring any context. Ignoring those pieces of me.
I know you don’t like movies about kids. I know asking to watch Home Alone during Christmas was a big ask. But it was a tradition that I shared with my dad, who I lost just over a year before. I know you think that traditions are pointless, but it was important to me. My earliest memories are of that. I needed to continue on, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it alone. I needed you there, your support. It was such a small gesture I was asking of you, but all I got was “no”. Instead we watched a movie you picked: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. A movie made by the exact same people that made Home Alone, and with even more kids.
We wanted to go to Ireland. Personally I’ve been wanting to go for years, but couldn’t because of my dad’s illness along with everything else going on. You knew that in the last 3 years I lost all of my grandparents, two uncles, my dad. I couldn’t risk going so far away for so long while everyone was sick. My mom saw me giving up the latter half of my 20s for my family, when she was hoping I would be enjoying life and seeing the world. That’s why she was happy to give us the money to have the trip of our dreams. I explained all of this to you while you were struggling to find a way to save for the trip. All my mom wanted in return was a single nice photo of us. That wasn’t even a requirement for the money. She just wanted to see me with the person that I love making our dreams come true. I know you hate having your picture taken. The only attention your dad ever gave you was when he wanted to test a new camera. It’s a trauma trigger. But I was only asking for one picture. You’d compromise for your friends, you’d compromise for your sister. You’d take pictures with them. Why wouldn’t you compromise for your partner, and the other most important person in your partners life? After a year, we have 3 pictures together, none of which are very good. I know that I was asking for a lot, but I felt so less important than everyone else in your life. Maybe you felt that as your partner, I was to be held to a higher standard? I honestly don’t know. All you said was “no”.
You admitted yourself I was so supportive. I always prioritized you. From always making your tea before mine, to giving you the better looking plate at dinner, to planting all of your favorite flowers in my garden. I always complemented you, how smart you are, how beautiful you are, how driven and independent you are. Your friend needed a ride to a 5k and someone to cheer them on? I was there. You needed someone to drive you around while your car was in the shop for 2 months? No problem. Accidentally overdrew your account again, and you couldn’t afford the late fees? Here’s $50. Need to move on short notice? I’m the guy tearing apart and moving your furniture. You have a migraine so bad you can’t eat? I’m bringing you pedialyte and sleeping on your couch, even though I didn’t actually get any sleep. I learned all your rituals so not to trigger your OCD. There are countless other examples. I never said no. I never complained. You rarely said so much as “thank you”.
The big one. The thing that ended us. You’re right, we did sit down like adults time and time again and talked things out. You said you needed me to anticipate your needs. You’d get overwhelmed, and couldn’t articulate what you needed from me. You couldn’t stand being asked what you needed. You just needed me to start helping. “Mental loads” and all that. I took that to heart. But I’m not perfect. Sometimes I’d miss the mark. Tried to support you, but in the wrong way. Even in my failures I showed effort, but you never seemed to see that. You only focused on how I failed.
We recognized that this was a problem caused by both of us. The communication wasn’t getting through. But I had already adapted to your communication style as much as I could. My exited, rambling, almost impulsive way of generating ideas became slow, methodical, thoughtful. I put intention behind everything so not to overwhelm you. I learned not to jump at the obvious solution.
Yes, we sat down like adults and talked things over time and time again. You told me what you needed from me, but I also told you what I needed from you. If I was missing the mark, please just guide me to what you needed. I’m not a mind reader. I did it for you all the time. You were honestly awful at anticipating my needs too. If I was venting, had a bad day, all you’d say was “I’m sorry”, and pat me on the back like a puppy. No effort to dig deeper. No words of support or encouragement. So I had to show you how I needed support. I just needed you to do the same for me. “No”. Again.
One final time, I sent you words of support when you were having a bad day. It wasn’t enough, you wanted more. A phone call? For me to come over so you could vent in person? Did you actually want me to directly help for once? I don’t know. You never told me. Instead of guiding me to what you needed, you immediately shut down. Full silent treatment. I’ve been in abusive relationships where the silent treatment was welded as a weapon. I know you didn’t mean it in an abusive way, you were just overwhelmed again. But I never expected it from you. I didn’t see it for what it was. I only ever asked one thing from you to save us. I put in the work, got us 80% of the way there. I knew I couldn’t bridge the gap on my own. I wasn’t even asking you to put in effort on my behalf, it was for your benefit. I begged you time and time again for help. To communicate. Not to put it all on me, because I couldn’t do it on my own. But instead, you did the opposite.
You said that you felt like you were putting more effort into the relationship than I was. I’m sorry, but I can’t see that effort. I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I can’t. Maybe you mean you put effort into forgiving me every time I messed up? Maybe you mean that you were always planning dates, always picking what we watched, where we went, what we ate, what we drank? Again, mental loads and such. But I had things that I wanted to do and share with you that you always turned down. You only had to plan everything after my plans were rejected. It would have been more efficient for you to show love, patience, and compromise. Maybe we would have worked out then.
But then you left.
​
​
​

So I went to a church meeting about vbs I'm going to be volunteering to help and we had a meeting. They were serving lunch and ofc everything was fine had a couple people ask if I ate before. Then it came to desserts and there's this lady who's nice but gets onto me about "eating right" keep in mind I'm 23 years old and was diagnosed at 11 so it's gonna be 12 years in July. And I go to get dessert and she gives me this look as if I'm doing something wrong. She gives me a small portion and ofc I wanted more but I didn't say anything. And then she proceeds to take the plate out of my hand saying "did you eat first?". And I was stunned to speak and I thought she was asking if I ate before the meeting. She's like "you can't eat this then." Someone else voiced that I had eaten already before. But this whole interaction infuriated me and I'm mad I didn't say anything. If she does it again idk what to say. I just needed to vent.

My (35M) childhood was loud. Very loud. Everything was yelled about. Didn't do homework? Yelling. Forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer? Yelling. Sneezed too loud? Yelling. Existing? Somehow, yelling. I was so accustomed to yelling that I was doing it without even realizing; it only came up when I started dating my now wife (38F). She thought I was getting super mad about things when, in my mind, I was just talking.
As a kid, we were on a road trip and stopped for lunch somewhere. I knocked my soda over and it spilled everywhere. Some landed on my ndads plate and I got publicly screamed at in front of an entire restaurant for it. Later on that same trip, he spilled his own drink, which I got yelled at over too for some reason. This was back in the 90s, before cell phone camera justice. I took the abuse because I was 8 and at this treatment was pretty standard to me.
Fast forward to last night. I'm home eating dinner with my wife and daughter (5F). I whacked my glass and spilled water all over the table. For a brief moment, I was 8 again, and reflexively braced for screaming. But then....
Nothing happened. My wife and I got up, grabbed some towels and wiped it up. No yelling, no shame. We made a few jokes about it with our daughter, who thought the whole thing was funny. It made me so happy to see that - because it was funny! Oops, daddy spilled!
Just a guy out here trying to set a good example and break the cycle. Trying to celebrate the victories over the cycle, even for small things like this.
Thanks for reading :)

My car's transmission is on the fritz, so it's in the shop and I'm working from home for at least today. Thank goodness I can even work from home, or things would be a lot more complicated. Anyways, that's just a bit of a vent. I've also decided that I might do little lore-esque prechapter bits for some extra flavor. Hope you guys enjoy them! I find them to be fun little thought experiments on how people might perceive the world I've created from within vs from my own perspective. Enjoy some crafting and some romance!
First Previous Next
We know that the spots that are caused by looking at a source of light are, in fact, damage of some sort to the eye. This is confirmed by the spots rapidly disappearing should someone be healed whilst experiencing them. But why? Is there a divinity within light, beyond what our mortal eyes can withstand? Is there some sort of invisible emanation that comes alongside the light that damages us in some way? The discovery of light damaging the eye has opened more questions for me than it has closed.
-Musings on the Relations of Light and Fire, by Jarwic Leftun
\***
Xander carefully opened the door, finding Gabrelle already asleep, and sat down on a chair. Maybe he could get that adaptive camouflage to work right on bright colors. Surely he had some colorful things in his inventory.
He did in fact have a few colorful things in his inventory, and he whiled the rest of the night away making small adjustments to the runic array that was embroidered into the cloth. He was satisfied before dawn, the cloth now performing as well with light colors as it had with darker colors. Now he just needed to make a cloak out of it. He briefly considered coating his armor with the array, but discarded it. There might be times where he’d want to be seen. Besides, a hooded cloak would better break up the outline of his figure, the ripples of fabric, especially if he were to crouch or lay prone, obscuring his outline even more. In little time at all, he had a long, deep hooded cloak of the color shifting, runed cloth in his hands. He stashed it in his inventory for now, as he had no particular need to sneak up on something right now. The rest of the time before dawn he spent silently sitting in the chair he’d chosen, trying to keep his thoughts to a minimum, just daydreaming. Night dreaming? He couldn’t sleep anymore, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t try to let his mind wander.
As the dawn came and the sun began to shine through the window of the room, Gabrelle slowly awoke, once more finding Xander sitting in a chair rather than in bed.
“Mmf,” She grunted as she stretched. “Morning, Xander. You got back late.”
“Morning, yourself,” Xander said, turning his head to look at Gabrelle. “Yeah... Yeah, I guess I did.”
“What were you doing, anyway?” She asked, curious. “You didn’t mention that you’d be out late, just that you were going to go to see Valteria at her shop.”
“I uh... went on a date.”
“I knew it! ‘Comparing notes’ was a date!” Gabrelle exclaimed triumphantly.
“It was not!” Xander complained. “But we went to a tavern in the evening and it sort of... turned into a date on the way there.”
“Awhh, that’s so cute,” Gabrelle said. “Did it go well? Is she nice? Did you kiss?”
“I think it went well. We talked a lot about different projects and ideas we had. I also got to meet another [Godsmarked] - he owns the tavern we went to. I think she’s nice. Maybe a little shy. I think she’s gotten used to being treated differently by people. I don’t think she really believed that I wanted to go on a date with her, at first. ...And yes. We kissed.”
“Ooooh, look at you! You’re growing up so fast!” Gabrelle teased.
“Oh hush. I’m older than you!” Xander huffed, then returned to seriousness. “But ah, if I’m going to be dating someone... we need to have a conversation, Gabrelle.”
“We need to stop sleeping together?” Gabrelle quickly deduced before Xander could say it himself.
“Yeah... It doesn’t feel right, even though it’s just platonic between us. I don’t think I would appreciate being in Valteria’s situation and knowing that the person I was seeing was sleeping with someone else at night.”
“Well, I figured this would happen eventually,” Gabrelle said. “Either you or I were bound to find someone eventually. Don’t worry, I’m not upset. Don’t get me wrong, the snuggles were nice, but like I told you a while ago, I don’t have nearly as much trouble sleeping when I’m with the team.”
“Thanks for not being upset, Gabrelle.”
“You know this means you have to start paying for your own room, though, right?”
“Ah, shit, you’re right. I forgot.”
Xander left the room to allow Gabrelle some privacy to get dressed and meandered back down the stairs to see if any other members of the team were already up. Looking around, he spied Graffus eating breakfast at at table and moved to sit with the dwarf.
“Mornin’” Graffus greeted Xander through a mouthful of bread.
“Morning,” Xander greeted back.
“Glad to see you made it back, we were wondering if you’d be out all night,” Graffus told him, after swallowing his bread.
“I was out a bit late, I suppose. I let the time get away from me.” Xander said, not really wanted to be teased again about going out on a date. “So what are you planning to do today?”
“Bah, Frazay has roped me into helping her do research for the drakeling. So reading is what’s in store for me.” Graffus tore himself off another piece of bread from his plate and slathered it with jam. “You going to be going back to that [Tinker] you’ve been spending time with lately?”
“Yeah, that’s the plan. I’m supposed to learn more about converting mana types today, and also help her fix the suit of armor that I wrecked.”
“Welp,” Graffus said, now on his last piece of bread, “I hope ya learn something new. Never had much to do with [Tinker]s – not saying I dislike them, just that I haven’t had much experience with them – so it don’t make much sense to me. Using a hammer is about the only overlap in our professions.”
“I think your hammer is significantly larger than the one most [Tinker]s would use,” Xander chuckled. Thinking about what he should be doing before he headed to Valteria’s, he asked Graffus, “Hey, I might need to buy some monster parts or elemental cores, something like that, for practice. You know where I would go to find stuff like that?”
Graffus shrugged. “Dunno. My guess would be an alchemy and reagents shop. That’s generally what we’ve sold monster parts to that didn’t go to a smith or leatherworker.”
“Thanks, Graffus.”
The two of them chatted for a while longer, catching up on what each other had been doing. Graffus excused himself to finish getting ready for the day, saying he needed to tend to his beard, leaving Xander downstairs. Deciding to be productive and proactive, Xander stood as well and headed out of the inn to find an alchemy shop.
It wasn’t long before he found one, a familiar scene of an eclectic collection of powders, liquids, crystals, and strange organic things floating in jars inside the building. The proprietor was a dwarf, seated at a workbench. They were grinding something into a powder as Xander entered. He received a distracted greeting before the dwarf returned to his work.
Xander wandered about the shop for a few minutes, looking at the various materials throughout the shop. He identified what he thought might be an elemental core, a jagged piece of crystal looking material that seemed to have an inner flame. As for the monster parts in jars, Xander had no idea what was what. He finally felt he’d waited long enough and moved closer to the worktable that the dwarf was still sitting at, working away at the mortar and pestle.
“Excuse me,” Xander said, grabbing the shopkeep’s attention.
“Mm?” The dwarf said questioningly. “Can I help you find something?”
“I was wondering if you had any elemental cores. Something small, I just need one to practice with.”
“Aye, I’ve a few of them around the shop. You want something to practice with? So a relatively weak core, then – not all the small ones are weak. Do you need any particular type?” The dwarf stood up and stretched, moving to one of the shelves.
“Uhm no, just whatever is cost effective, I suppose.”
The alchemist rifled through the various bits and bobs on one of the shelves nearby before producing a small chip of what looked to be a semi-translucent stone. It was tinged slightly yellow with streaks of white. “This here is a chip off a lightning attuned core. Pretty weak, but it does still produce mana.”
Xander could see the dwarf’s arm hair standing up as if from static electicity as he held up the stone. “How much?” He asked.
“Twenty gold.”
Xander shrugged. Twenty gold wasn’t an issue for him anymore, and he didn’t feel like haggling. He always hated haggling. “Sure.” He fished out the coin and handed it over to the dwarf.
The dwarf handed over the stone to Xander and the pop of a static electric shock could be heard as a tiny arc passed between the two of them. The dwarf grunted and shook his hand. “Thanks for the business,” he told Xander. “Anything else you find yourself in need of?”
“Not at the moment, but thanks for asking.” Xander waved goodbye to the dwarf and pocketed the tiny elemental core. He continued down the street in the direction of Valteria’s shop, thinking about how he was going to undo the welding job he’d done on Valteria’s armor. He’d need her to guide his repair efforts.
Xander returned to the inn momentarily to grab one of his golems. He settled on Atlas for now, as it was the most basic of the humanoid forms he’d created. No extra arms or weird feet on him, no sir.
Arriving at the building that contained Valteria’s home and shop, Xander knocked before opening the door. “Morning,” he called out.
“Xander! Hello!” Valteria called out. She was at the same work bench she’d been at yesterday. Jarrett didn’t seem to be in the shop at the moment, as Xander wasn’t able to spot the man.
Commanding Atlas to follow him in and closing the door behind him, Xander started walking towards Valteria. “How’s it going?” He asked.
“Good, it’s going good,” Valteria responded as Xander brought a stool over to her workbench. “How about yourself?”
“Not bad. The upside of not sleeping is that I never struggle in the mornings now. I used to hate waking up.” Xander laughed. “I even ran an errand before I came here! Picked up this.” Xander fished around in his pocket until he found the small chip of elemental core and held it up for Valteria to see.
“Core?” She asked distractedly, staring at Atlas. She tore her eyes away and looked closely at the small crystalline stone. “Lightning attuned?”
“That’s what the [Alchemist] at the shop said,” Xander affirmed. “Said it was a very weak one, but that it did still produce mana.”
“Mmm, a good practice piece, then.”
“I thought it would be, too. Not that I know what to do with it, yet.”
“Well, how about this: I teach you to set the stone and make some conduit, and then you can help me fix my armor. All the glue has turned to dust by now, thank the gods.”
“Sounds fair enough. So, how do mana conduits work?”
“Well, the concept is simple enough. It’s a tube which conducts mana,” Valteria began to explain.
“Mmhm.” Xander nodded along.
“What you need is a setting – usually of silver, as it has good mana conductivity – which will be the first step of conduction, taking the mana from the stone. Simply wrapping the core in silver wire can work well enough, drawing in the mana that the core puts out through its surface, but for a more effecient setting, small holes are usually drilled into the core to set the wire into as well, giving more surface area to draw from.”
“So we care about the mana conductivity of the material, then? That makes sense, I just hadn’t thought about it. I actually did a little experiment with my rune work to test which fillings were the most conductive.”
“Oh really?” Valteria said, interested. “What were your results?”
“Well, gold and silver were high up there in conductivity, and probably make the most sense for someone who has to physically manipulate material without use of a skill – both for a core setting and for inlaying a rune – but I did find that sapphires and rubies were even more efficient at transferring mana than gold and silver.”
“Mmm... interesting. I’ve heard of gemstones being used in very high-grade settings, as well as various other exotic materials. I read an account of one [Mechanist] who used tubes of mercury to conduct mana, though the relative effectiveness compared to silver wasn’t mentioned.” Valteria cleared her throat. “Uhm, now, where was I? Right, basic settings. Once you have your core – or monster organ, if you’re going that route – you connect it to the conduit. Usually, this is also silver wiring. I like to braid several smaller wires together, personally. I find it to be sturdier and hold up to flexing better. From there, it needs to be tied into a device. Which is a topic for tomorrow.” Looking around the shop, Valteria seemed to identify something on one of the shelves nearby. “I have a core that you could watch me set, and then you could try setting your own, if you’d like.”
“That sounds good to me,” Xander said. “I always love to see a master as work,” he added, opting for a little flattery.
“Follow me, then.” Valteria said, standing up from her stool and waving for Xander to follow.
Xander followed Valteria as she walked over to the shelf she’d been looking at earlier and took a palm sized, bright green stone from it. “Nature attuned core,” She explained, holding it for Xander to see. “I’m told it was taken from some kind of moving tree.” Valteria then moved to another worktable, on which were several of what looked to be drill bits to Xander. There was also an apparatus that look like it was designed to hold the bits, which was confirmed for him when Valteria slotted one of the small drill heads into the device. “This thing,” Valteria said, waving the drill a little bit, “is a life saver. I used to have to drill holes with a hand cranked one. Worth every single coin I paid for it to get an enchanted one.” She turned a dial on one side of the handheld device, which Xander was coming to think of as a magic dremel tool, and it began to come to life, the drill bit beginning to spin with a quiet whirring sound.
“Neat.” Xander commented. He watched patiently as Valteria drilled a series of shallow holes in the stone, the distinct screeching of metal on stone echoing through the shop floor. “So where’s Jarrett today?” He asked.
“Oh, he has the day off today. He asked for it about a week ago, not sure what for, though,” Valteria said distractedly. Soon she was finished with the holes she was drilling into the core, and moved to another workbench. “Now we create a setting for the core. This is a fairly simple way of doing it, mind you, but it is effective.”
Xander watched as she took sections of pre-braided silver wire and fitted the ends into the holes she had drilled. Once each hole was filled with a section of wire, Valteria began to pull wire from a spool, wrapping the stone until it was completely covered with silver wire and binding the braided sections to the stone in the process. “There,” she said, setting the stone down on the workbench. “A perfectly serviceable setting."
“So, if I understand correctly, you coat the core in a mana conductive material – the more surface area, the better, hence the holes – to create a setting?”
“Mmhmm,” Valteria said, nodding.
“Seems fairly straighforward. And then you connect the silver wiring that’s wrapped around it to more wiring, and attach that to your device? Why the distance? Why not just connect the setting directly to the device?”
“You absolutely can, if space isn’t an issue. Technically, the connection between the mana battery and the device, even if it’s just a single point with no distance, is still referred to as a conduit, though, so it’s considered a three part creation.”
“Oh, I see.”
“Do you want to try making your own, now? I don’t mind lending you a little wire.”
“Sure, but I should be good on material, I can produce it with my skills. Doesn’t last without a source of mana, but I guess the core itself might provide enough. Think this little chip is a bit small to put holes in, though.”
Xander looked at the small piece of crystal in his hand. If he just need as much contact as possible with a mana conductive material, his best bet would be to embed it into a sapphire or ruby. He decided on ruby, for no particular reason. Still holding the chip of core in his hand, he concentrated on his [Creation] ability. Valteria watched, amazed, as a ruby began to take form and grow around the piece of core until it was completely coated in a thin layer of gemstone.
“So, you can just... make things?” Valteria asked, sounding jealous.
“Well, it costs mana, and anything I make that isn’t provided a source of mana that leaves my person disintegrates in a day, but, yes. I can just make things with my skills. But,” he added, cutting off Valteria’s complaint of unfairness, “I have never received a skill that actually lets me improve a material. Sure, I have runes, which generally makes up the difference, but I don’t have any skills that improve the things I make. So, if you made a mana battery, and I made a mana battery the same way with identical materials, yours is going to be better, I assume, because you have skills that passively improve the things that you make, am I right?”
“Okayyy,” Valteria huffed. “I guess that does make it a little less unfair. But ugh! It would be so nice not having to source materials.” She looked at the ruby with a piece of core set inside it that Xander had made. “Well, I guess that about does it for making a setting... I thought it might have taken you longer to make one. I guess we can move on to fixing my armor even sooner! It’ll be nice to have it up and moving again.”
“Sure, sure, we can do that. Where is it, anyway?” Xander asked, looking around the shop again like he somehow would have missed the eight foot tall suit of armor.
“It’s in a shed behind the house,” Valteria explained. “I have it on a hoist so I can work on it.”
“Ah, that would explain why I haven’t seen it around.”
Exiting the shop, stopping for Valteria to put a small ‘closed’ sign on the door, the two of them made their way around the building, where Xander saw the small shed that presumably held Valteria’s armor. It looked like it could just barely hold the armor and one person – two, if they were comfortable with each other – inside it.
“So this is where the magic happens?” Xander asked.
“If by ‘magic’ you mean maintenance and upgrades, then yes,” Valteria agreed. She opened the door of the shed, which comprised most of the front of the tiny little building, revealing her suit of armor, which was currently hanging from several chains attached to pulleys on the ceiling. Plates of armor were laying strewn about the suite, leaving the joints and inner workings more exposed.
Xander whistled, looking at the inner workings of the suit. He could see gears, cogs, and joints, and throughout the entirety of the armor were running filaments of silver wire, which he assumed were mana conduits running to and from elemental cores and the various mana powered aspects of the suit. “This thing really is impressive. Almost as impressive as the woman who made it,” he said.
Valteria giggled, “Stop it! You’re supposed to be fixing this mess, not flirting with me!”
“Awh, can’t I do both?” Xander asked, trying to sound as saccharine as possible.
“Mmm, I suppose that if you are sufficiently skilled at multitasking, I might allow it,” Valteria said in a mockingly thoughtful tone.
“Well, I just so happen to be an expert, so flirt away I shall,” Xander replied. “Now, how about the beauty in front of me shows me exactly where the other beauty in front of me needs some repairs?”
Valteria sighed at Xander’s antics, but he could see the slight flush in her face. “Well, you welded the wrist joints, elbows, and knees. They aren’t welded all the way round, it’s more like you smoothed over a portion of it like it was wet clay. So if you could just... put it back? Shape it back to how it was, that’s should be all that’s needed.”
“Pretty straightforward,” Xander said, standing behind Valteria as she pointed out each joint. He could see the misshapen parts where he’d slapped a weld onto the metal. He leaned over her and put his hands on the elbow joint that they were closest to and began to shape the metal back to its original form.
“You’re... very close,” Valteria murmured to him as he formed the metal.
“Would you like me not to be?” He asked, carefully.
Valteria was silent for a moment before answering, “No...” quietly.
Xander carefully shifted to be a little closer, but still not quite touching, as he moved on to the wrist joint of the same arm. The process itself was simple, but he was enjoying taking his time. As he finished the wrist, he turned to look at Valteria. He found himself looking right into her eyes, as she was staring back at him. Unable to resist the temptation he leaned in a little closer, gauging Valteria’s reaction. When she, too, leaned towards him, he closed the small gap between them, drawing her into another kiss. Valteria pressed herself against him, the shed hiding them from any prying eyes on the street, and let out a small noise as Xander squeezed her tight. She was breathing a little bit harder than before the kiss as they separated again.
Valteria let out a breath. “You’re… a really good kisser.”
“Yeah?” Xander said, pleased with himself. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
“And you’re a tease, looming over me like that in this tiny little shed,” Valteria continued. “Now you’ve got me all flustered, how am I supposed to work now?” She mock complained.
Xander was glad to see that Valteria was comfortable enough with him to joke like that. “Forgive me,” he said formally, making a deep bow, “How ever can I make it up to the lady?”
“Oh stop it, I will tolerate no bowing and scraping, even in jest,” Valteria said, slapping him lightly on the shoulder, as he was still holding the bow. “You can make it up to me by fixing the rest of these joints! And by taking me out to dinner?” She added, hopefully.
“I think that can be arranged,” Xander said. “Is there anywhere you have in mind? I will admit, I haven’t become very familiar with the local restaurant scene, what with my… dietary restrictions.”
“It doesn’t… make you feel bad to go out to a restaurant, does it?” Valteria asked softly, watching his face for a reaction.
“Nah, don’t worry,” Xander said, waving off the question with one hand. “It doesn’t bother me too much. Sure, I miss the taste of a good cut of steak, but I was never that into food. Eating was more of a thing I did because I had to, so I’m not completely devastated by the loss. And I can still get some vicarious enjoyment out of watching someone else enjoy their food. Really the worst part is awkwardly having to refuse ordering anything,” he said with a laugh.
“Alright, if you say so,” Valteria said, letting out a slight breath of relief. “I was just worried that it might be upsetting to you, is all. I know I would miss eating.” She paused for a moment, something clearly on her mind. “What do you miss? If you don’t mind my asking. I just… well, I’m curious what it’s like for you.”
“Mmm, in a lot of ways, life is still the same, and in other ways, I’m technically doing better than I was before. I’m incredibly resistant to damage now, even without my armor. I do miss sleeping, though. I try to give my mind a rest and just sort of daydream and let my thoughts wander or do some meditation during the nights, but it’s just not the same. Also means I’m the one that pulls guard duty through the night,” he grumbled. “Let’s see, what else, what else. Ah, right. I can’t smell anything. Or taste. I haven’t worked out how to recreate those senses, yet. Though no sense of smell can be handy sometimes, I suppose. I don’t know if you’ve done much merc work – you mentioned being surprised that I’m not just moonlighting – but uh… the smells that you encounter on a battlefield are… unpleasant. To say the least. It was weird not having a sense of touch either, but I’ve resolved that. It’s a little bit different than my previous, natural sense of touch, but I’ve become accustomed to it to the point that I don’t much think about the difference anymore. I think I’ve even got the density of receptors down in certain areas compared to others, so I'm more sensitive in some areas than others now, just like I used to be. I’m still immune to being tickled though, so don’t even think about it – that’s a fight you’ll lose.” Growing a bit more somber, Xander continued on. “I think… the biggest thing I miss is just the feeling that I fit in more. Now I always worry about being different, there’s that nagging fear that anyone I get to know well is going to reject me once they find out what I am. Like I’m secretly lying to everyone around me with this façade I have going on.”
Valteria nodded sadly. “I get that. I’ve been… rejected before, too. At least it happens or not right from the beginning for me. I get to know if they look down on me for being different immediately instead of fearing they might later down the road.”
“Yeah,” Xander said. “People can really suck sometimes. But at least I can just, like, not tell people what I am if I so chose. You, my teammates, and the guild, since it’s on my status sheet, are really the only people who know. I keep it pretty private. You can’t do that, so I think you probably have to deal with a lot worse than I do. Not that I’d want you to hide what or who you are,” he added. “I happen to be quite enamored with who you are,” he said, teasing a smile from Valteria’s sad face.
“Sorry to bring up such a dour topic,” Valteria apologized. “I didn’t think much on it before I asked.”
“No worries,” Xander told her. “Honestly, I think it’s good to be able to talk about it with someone. It’s healthy to be able to get you feelings out there. And it helps that I feel like you understand where I’m coming from with it, though from a slightly different perspective.”
“You’re surprisingly thoughtful sometimes,” Valteria said, only half teasing.
“Only sometimes?” Xander asked with a faux expression of hurt on his face. “By the way, you didn’t react much to my comment about moonlighting as a merc. Do you ever go on contracts?”
Valteria shrugged. “I certainly wouldn’t describe myself as a professional mercenary. Moonlighter is an apt descriptor, for me, I think. I have gone on a couple, here and there, mostly on kill contracts that would net me a core or organ that would be useful for my work.”
“Mm, that makes sense. I suppose it could be handy having access to the ability to take contracts that would give you access to specialty materials,” Xander said.
“It’s also good for business,” Valteria explained. “Mercs tend to like to buy from someone who has at least been out on a contract or two before.”
“Ah, that makes sense. What kind of things do you sell to mercenaries, anyways? I saw Jarrett with a crossbow yesterday, but I imagine you make other things, too.”
“Oh all kinds of little things. Portable, flameless heaters for cooking. Water purification sieves. Mm, let’s see… I’ve made a few custom order devices, too. One customer wanted to be able to shoot a jet of flame from their gauntlet, that was a fun one.”
“Ooh, that does sound fun… reminds me of my flamethrower.”
“Your flamethrower?”
“Yeah, it’s basically a big tank with a hose attached to it. At the end of the hose is a pump that causes the flammable liquid – I use dragon’s tar – to shoot out. Add a flame that the tar passes over and bam! You’ve got a giant stream of flame that will coat anything it hits with sticky, flammable tar,” Xander said, excitedly describing the device.
“That’s… impressive. And kind of horrifying,” Valteria responded.
“Mm… I guess you’re right. I mostly use it on giant spiders. Blugh,” Xander shuddered. “But yeah, I suppose it’s not the nicest of ways to go. Very effective for area denial, though. Ah, actually I have an idea for crossbow bolt head that would ignite when it shatters! We should make that sometime and see if it sells.”
“Hmm, I think that would draw some buyers. A flaming bolt head you didn’t have to light first could be desirable to certain buyers.”
“Put that on the list and we’ll get around to it sometime.”
“We have a list?” Valteria said confusedly.
“We should!” Xander said with a laugh. “Now let’s get the rest of these joints done.”
The repair of the other arm and the leg joints that Xander had locked into position during the tournament was a short affair. Looking over the bare metal frame of the armor still hanging from the ceiling, Xander clapped his hands together, mimicking dusting them off. “Good as new!” He exclaimed. Looking over to Valteria he asked concernedly, “It is good as new, right?”
Valteria had been staring at the armor as well, lost in thought about how she was going to improve it next. “Hmm? Oh, yes. It’s right as rain again, ready for use. Thank you, by the way. For fixing it,” She said awkwardly.
“Well I’m the one who broke it, so it’s only fair that I fix it. So what do you want to work on next?” Xander asked. “I could do some rune work for you. Orrr… we could kiss some more?”
Valteria flushed at the question, but didn’t immediately say no.
A few minutes later, she found herself on her tip toes and lightly pressed against the interior wall of the shed, her lips pressed against Xanders.
Once the two of them were done acting like teenagers parked in a secluded parking lot, they made their way back into the shop. Stepping inside and closing the door behind them, Valteria let out a breath. “I think… you are going to have to do a lot of rune work to make up for how much you just kissed me, Xander.”
“What, you didn’t like it?” He said with a raised eyebrow.
“I didn’t say that,” Valteria said with a smirk.

Hello,
So after many years of slowly understanding myself and my behaviours related to food and exercise, I have recently arrived at the conclusion that I don't actually struggle with eating too much, or eating too much sugaprocessed food exactly, it's more so that I love the way of eating which is snacking.
The constant, steady stream of dopamine. The texture of snack foods. I always have at home something sweet and crunchy (fave dry cereal), savoury and crunchy (potato crisps/chips/lentil chips), something sweet and creamy (chcolate products, preferring those with texture like M&Ms etc.), and something sweet and sour (sherbet filled things, lemon drops, etc.), as well as something fizzy (diet tonic water). The texture aspect seems to be very important, as well as being able to enjoy it for a prolonged period.
I would have no problem never eating desert in my life, but I go back to 'snacking' again and again. I actually choose to not have meals sometimes, just so I can snack because it's more satisfying to do so on an empty stomach, and snacking is even more enjoyable than eating a tasty meal. I can do very well eating healthily and in a balnced, mindful way, but then completely trip up because I just miss being able to SNACK on foods, not just eat them. And i've had periods where I was consistent with eating clean, where I tried to substitute my favourite snack foods for clean options (homemade meringues, nuts, granola, dried fruit, fresh fruit, carrots, hummus, etc), but it's just not the same..
I can make all sorts of delicious healthy alternatives to desserts, but I can't do the same for snacks.. It would need to have great satisfying texture, be tasty, and be something I can eat for a long time at a time, not just in one go.
Would love to hear if some others have faced this issue! And please do share if you've found something that works for you!

TW: Domestic violence, ideation, SA
These past couple months of my life have been transformation, but exhausting. I recently lost my grandfather to a terminal illness, the man who supported me in countless ways and really brought our family together when he first got sick. His death was crippling for the first couple weeks, but I have since been able to see that his suffering coming to an end is worth more than the rest of us having him still with us on earth. His passing put a lot of things in perspective, including my deep rooted unhappiness in my long term relationship and my unhealthy relationship with substances. Throughout this time, I lost a number of friends to the breakup, many of which led with the whole "bros before hoes" mentality, so much so that not a single one of them reach out when my grandfather did eventually die, and I had never felt so alone. In the mean time, I was able to grow very close with a group of coworkers my age, all in their twenties. On nights where all I wanted to do was get drunk and ignore my problems, they would drive me out to the dam and sit and listen to me sob about how I felt like I wasted the last couple months of my grandfather's life getting drunk with people who threw me away when I didn't want to party any more, all in the name of distracting myself from his inevitable death. They stepped up to the plate when I broke up with my ex and he lost his mind thinking I was a horrible person for not wanting him to come to my grandfather's funeral and just wanting to be alone instead of in a relationship where I was doing so much heavy lifting for little payout. I also had to come to terms with the fact that my ex and I only ever had sex when we were drunk because I really didn't enjoy it, but there was one time where he blacked out and didn't even remember us sleeping together. During that encounter, I had begged him to stop, but he couldn't hear me I guess, and he kept going until he finished and I just laid there and cried while he passed out next to me. I now know that was rape, but in the moment I felt like I did something wrong. That period of my life was so fucking hard, but I made it with the help of some awesome people and newfound sobriety.
Among the group of coworkers was Jack (25m). I will admit, I got butterflies the moment he walked into work that first time, but I never planned on acting on it; it was just a surprising thing that had never happened to me before. He and I started a friendship when he opened up about being new to the area, his desire to move up the ladder in the industry we both work in, and told me all about his dog who he loved so much. His girlfriend at the time, Alyssa (26f) had gotten a job here and they moved three hours north for her job, and he figured he might as well start working at a serious job in his dream industry. Our friendship grew when he commented to my good friend Tony (23m) and I about the growing resentment he had for the area and his girlfriend. Apparently, for years she had always been very dependent on him while still controlling most aspects of his life, but since they moved up here, she had stopped doing any house work, taking care of their dog, and demanding that he stay home to spend time with her instead of going out to meet new people in town (we work in a very social industry, and when he first started, we all got together and offered to take him out to see new things in town, meet other big people in the industry, etc, but didn't take it personally when he said no. However, this convo made it very clear that he wanted to go those four times we tried, but he was informed by Alyssa that he was a selfish bastard for wanting to go out without her and she felt like he hated her so much that he was trying to use work as an excuse to leave her alone. I can't make this up). He started crying about how he felt like a maid, like a doormat that she walked all over and how he wished he had never moved up here, how every time he tried to break up with her she threatened to kill herself and he couldn't live with the thought of being responsible for her death. Tony let Jack know that none of that behavior was okay, and we as a group talked about what Jack really wanted to do with his life and what was holding him back. Shortly after, Jack broke up with Alyssa, who once again threatened to kill herself, got violent with him, and blamed him for throwing in the towel when she did nothing wrong. Tony gave Jack a room in apartment to stay in when it became clear that Alyssa would attack Jack anytime he was home, and he officially moved out within the week. Our coworkers all banded together to make sure he had furniture for his new room, bought him a dresser and a bed frame and we each took our cars over to his old place to move him out. It took a village, but he now has a safe apartment of his own with Tony and he has repeatedly thanked us all for letting him fall apart without judgement. A few months later, my grandfather passed and I was shown the same love by our little group. I have some amazing coworkers.
I was sitting next to Jack in the back of Tony's truck when I got the call my grandfather died. In that moment, it became clear that he really did care about me, and I am so grateful that he was there for me even when I swore I didn't need anyone. This all happened shortly after my breakup and newfound sobriety, so I was an absolute mess, but Jack didn't care. I opened up to him about my assault, my problem with drinking, and all the ugly parts of myself and he never once treated me like damaged goods. He and I fell apart and helped each other try to stitch together new lives at the expense of our old ones. I constantly am reminded by friends and family how much happier I am now, and I can give a lot of that credit to Jack and his patience and care. The same can be said for Jack, too. He and I hooked up one night months after I was single and felt slightly more in control of my emotions, and after doing that a couple more times, we started dating five months ago.
Now here comes the kicker. Jack has made some shitty choices in the past that I did not know about until we got together. Apparently, he had cheated on one of his exes at college, and when he and Alyssa first got together, he had been sleeping with two other girls who he cut things off with pretty suddenly when he got the chance to sleep with Alyssa, then they started dating a few weeks later. There are a number of girls that he kinda fucked over before the age of twenty, but he doesn't talk to any of them anymore and knows that he was in the wrong for all of them. Growth, I hope. I found out that he was still somewhat connected to one of them, and when I told him how worrisome that made me, he immediately apologized for not realizing earlier how that would make me uncomfortable and quickly (per his own volition) let her know that he did not want to continue talking because he felt it was clear she only really wanted to sleep with him and she had very little respect for his monogamous relationships. She flipped shit and he was glad that he was able to cut ties because apparently that wasn't the first time she tried to guilt trip him into staying in touch with her. But mostly, Alyssa has become a fairly constant fixture in our relationship. Because they had a dog together, Jack has to ask Alyssa when he can go over there to see the dog. She only does it on her terms, which is understandable, but she will constantly blame him for not taking care of the dog (Tony has two cats, and while Tony wants Jack to take the dog to their apartment, he doesn't think the cats would feel safe and they are already very skittish). She texts him biweekly saying that she found something of his, like a box of ties, a thing of utensils, etc, and demands he come get them and walk the dog asap. More than once, she has called him early in the morning asking him to come over because something is wrong with the dog, but most recently she called at 7 am saying "You need to get over here now, something is wrong with the dog. This shouldn't all be my problem and you should be the one taking care of this." He tries to get more info but she refused and said it shouldn't matter, he should just drop everything and take her to the vet and stop asking questions. He asked her to wait a few hours and if she still needed help he would come. Turns out, she clipped the dog's nail too short and the dog was bleeding a little, and that's what the phone call was for. But most alarming, Alyssa texted Jack repeatedly when we were on a lunch date saying that he needed to come take the dog because she was going to the mental hospital for suicidal ideation. Understandably so, we get the bill and Jack loses his mind in the car. He was terrified. She never did go, and when Jack reached out to her mom, she said Alyssa was fine and had no idea what he was talking about. She texts him randomly telling him he better come spend time with the dog because she's thinking of moving south again, three hours away, and will basically text him threatening stuff all the time all with the guise of him seeing the dog. I know this is all something I signed up for, but between the crazy shit with Alyssa and his cheating in the past, I don't know how I got myself involved in something so messy. Yes, he was being abused and now he is so grateful for the love I give him, but I still feel somewhat insecure based off how much say Alyssa has on his mood. He doesn't fold for anyone like he does for her, and while she or us will move out of state within the next year, I guess I mostly need to know what people recommend in terms of me feeling more secure in myself. This is a bug weight on my shoulders and while I do love him and am happy he his around, I need to prioritize myself above all else. Please help.
TL;DR: My boyfriend (25m) and I (21f) have been through a lot. His ex girlfriend is very manipulative and I want to make sure I am taking care of myself to be the best version of myself after having a very transformative year (newfound sobriety, death of my grandfather, loss of many friends, and grief over a past relationship). I don't doubt that he loves me, I just want to look out for myself and make sure I am making healthy choices while we navigate a very heavy period of our lives together. Thanks in advance.

Hello. My boyfriend took a Lyft home from the airport on Monday, 5/6. Several days later, on 5/13, he realized that his passport was missing. After countless phone calls and retracing of steps he looked through his ride history on Lyft, noticing the driver did in fact send him a message notifying my Boyfried he left his passport in his car. Mind you there was no obvious notification on the Lyft app of this communication.
Does anyone know of ANY way we might be able to get ahold of this driver. Lyft has been incredibly unhelpful and we can’t even get on the phone with someone. We’ve filed a police report for Lyft to release this driver’s information but were told that this process can take multiple days.
I’m wondering if there might be a roundabout way to figure out a past rides license plate or anything like that? The police can’t look him up either without a license plate number.
Any help here is greatly appreciated. This is an emergency as my boyfriend needs to leave the country this week for his job.

I’ve been hearing this every since I was a kid. My parents made us live in a very austere way , I remember at least 3 christmases with no presents and many bdays. Every time it happened I’d get a “money isn’t important as long as you have your family “ style speech from my mom but obviously approved by dad . I suppose that speech makes sense when your poor parents are giving you advice , wisdom, guidance to prevent you from ending up like them , but that wasn’t the case for me.
My parents never asked me what I wanted to do, never taught me the crucial importance of earning a livable wage, thinking about what you wanna do, the importance my HS grades would have in being accepted into higher education , etc. No guidance . I dropped out of 12th grade with no scolding or anything from them . Sometimes I read posts about parents pushing their kids to be engineers or doctors and I get envious.
I’m in my early 30s now feeling like a mid 20s young man (not in vigour or appearance but life experience ) , and I’m realizing maybe my own parents set me up to fail. Why? Either so that I’d never leave them (financial and emotional dépendance on them). Another possibility is that to ensure I didn’t end up more successful which might have wounded their ego ? I don’t get it…if I had a child, I’d WANT them to surpass me, to break the cycle , etc.
I have a hunch the actual answer is just pure laziness from them. They got home tired from work and didn’t wanna talk to me . Food was on the plate, roof on my head, nothing else to do parenting wise from their pov.
Anyone relate to this?