The pain. I had been waiting 6 weeks. So doctor decided to put in a script for 2.5 which was filled the same day. Picked it up last week and now my 5.0 is ready.
I’d been on 5 for 3 months at this point… going to keep the box as a buffer for now.

so i’ve had eczema for 5 to 6 years now and i’ve never learned how to manage it. it flares up every other day on a different spot and i don’t know what to do anymore :) dermatologists here in NL don’t really help or want to explain anything to me. in fact they misinformed me about Elidel so i had a flare up w a skin infection all over my neck n had to go to the ER.
i’ve been using steroid creams of different strengths this whole time (currently it’s betamethazone). dermatologists here in NL tell me my skin is very thin n it’s dangerous or smth, so i almost have to literally beg them to prescribe me the creams but nothing else helps. (it’s also a pain the ass to have to call them every time i need a new tube of cream). now i’ve been also given Elidel which i don’t understand how to use? my flare ups either never properly heal or heal for two days and start back up. + i have so many places it shows up it feels useless to lather almost my whole body in it.
i don’t have dry skin anywhere and moisturising w anything (tried cerave, aloe vera, eurecin, dry body oils w no fragrance, etc) makes me flare up even more. so that’s out of the question.
i don’t know what caused eczema 6 yrs ago and what are my triggers. we did allergy testing and nothing showed up. i also work in a 30 degrees pool w a ton of chlorine which probably isn’t helping me. i read a lot of people haven’t had their flare ups for months or even years and i feel lost cause my skin is never ever clean from eczema and it’s quite literally ruining my life. any word of advice cause im an absolute noob?

Hey everyone,
I’ve had UC for about 10 years now. I started flaring a few months ago and I got put on prednisone and started doing much better. Very suddenly during my taper (from 40mg down to 20mg), I started flaring much worse than I was before. Might have been something specific I ate or stress that triggered the flare, as I already had been on 20mg for about 2 weeks when the new flare started.
My dosage was increased to 50mg, and I have been taking this dose for about 7 days now and I haven’t seen much improvement at all. When I take the dose in the morning, I start to feel better for about half the day and then by night time all my symptoms are back. How long does it normally take for prednisone to fully start working for you guys? Does this mean it’s not working properly for me?
Any advice is helpful!

Like, every day, someone could have pay Shi Association to hunt you down, or maybe you just chilling with friends and then saw your friends got their head explode by some syndicate coz he said some random thing 10 years ago?
So peeps who get into fixers have this one mindset that make them selfish af, but kinda necessary coz they don't want to die, and also their friends might betray them or shit, or dead, and kinda being told to "move on" coz you effectively a dead weigh if you don't contribute to the office or syndicate.
Roland honestly got off coz he a color fixer and got directly involve with the library for his trauma therapy beating. But normal peeps don't have that chance normally, and kinda have to work super hard, like Nelly, for example, just to survive or else someone or something will get their ass for not working.
Even normal peeps who sell chicken cant get away from the depressing stuff. One day your competitor come and just delete your entire recipe using the idea deleting thing, and that happen in a nest. Outside of nest, there cannibalism, gang war, etc, that even joining the fingers, however strict or dangerous they are, seem viable way to survive in the city.
Kinda making the normal peeps we saw around, while asshole in a way, understandable, coz of how dangerous and depressing everything are, and you probably might even got off easier than other peeps in the city.

How soon did you get your results? I had my blood drawn Monday 5/6. They received it Tuesday 5/7 but it still currently shows “processing” in the portal. It’s been 7 days since the draw and I am losing my mind waiting. Anyone have their own timelines they are willing to share? Did you get your results through text or email?

Chapter Five: Expansion
While expansion is my goal. My mana reserves are meh at best right now. The menu is giving me only one option for expansion and that is outside. I intended to expand in that direction sooner than later, but this IS a little sooner than I had in mind. It does fit my goals though. I don't want to know someone is on my doorstep, only when they are literally on my doorstep. I had planned to expand at least twice outwards to give me a timely warning. Unfortunately, I only had enough mana to make one expansion out, so that's what I do, and as soon as I do, the front of my cave resolves and I can sense everything around me out to about 100 feet. Not a lot of warning, but enough.
As soon as I expanded, I also discovered new invaders. Moles and Porcupines. The moles likely wouldn't be much of a problem, my lvl 2 spider and cricket minions should easily be able to handle them. The porcupines on the other hand... that is not a creature that is easy to kill. And right as I say that to myself, a porcupine separates itself from a tree and starts to waddle it's way towards my cave entrance. The moles did as well, but before they got very far Felix unearthed them and my minions had at them. Felix went out to challenge the porcupine and that fight was over before I even knew it was starting. Felix cast a spell and slammed the porcupine between two rocks, turning it into a spiny paste. The mana from all this was much greater than any fight before and I was feeling decidedly uncomfortable. It was at this point I wondered if I could upgrade myself... so I tried it and it worked. I was now a level two dungeon core, and wow, the ambient mana absorption rate nearly tripled! This has potential. I'll need to consider this at length, because while I was able to upgrade my core, it took almost every drop of mana I had. I went from feeling over full, to feeling like I was half starved.
All I could do at this point was wait for mana to accumulate, so that is what I did while I considered my options. I was sliding through the HUD's drop down menu looking at the options I had available to me and really wished whoever had created this HUD, hadn't settled on a basic menu driven system. It was overly long, confusing, didn't contain enough information to explain things and was backed by a green color using white lettering. Horrid. Eh. Whatever, it was what I had to work with, so I'd just have to deal with it. Hmmmm, I could spawn resource nodes of base metal and maybe an alloy. I could also spawn fungi, as well as a few plants for outside, but I decided to wait on this for a little bit. I needed a lot more mana before I started moving on my plans, and my minions were providing this to me with the invaders they were killing. It wasn't fast progress. But it was progress. I watched as the day slowly slid into night and a new invader appeared. An Owl. No, wait... that's not an invader, the hud says it's a minion? What?
I realized I hadn't looked to see if I had a new spawner available to me when I expanded outward. I did now and sure enough, there it was. A nest of sticks, twigs, and feathers, hidden up in the crook of a branch of an old Oak. I had Owl Minions! YES! Ok calm down dumbass. You still need to gather more mana. Just be patient. Looking at my available spawners I did notice that both the mole and the porcupine had been added as available spawners I could create, but even though I intended to spawn both of them, I had other goals that needed to come first. Namely gain enough mana to create both of them, as well as upgrade them, and the owl spawner to lvl 2, and create a mole and owl scion. That's a lot of mana, and I needed to wait till my tank was full to overflowing before I could do that.
As I was thinking about all of this, another invader showed up, a bat. My owl launched itself into the air and the two began to fight. The bat was clearly outmatched in overall power, but it had maneuverability on it's side, and both my minion and the bat took a lot of damage while fighting. Enough that the bat died and my owl minion was severely wounded. I did get mana from the bat, as well as a small return from my owl when it also eventually died, so not too bad. I look back to the owl spawner and focus on it. Hmm. Basic level one owls take an hour each to spawn. Right got it. Kinda like my mountain cat spawner. Basic non upgraded mountain cats spawn once an hour. First upgrade cats spawn every 2 hours, and it looks like a magic variant takes 3 hours to spawn, with my scion taking 5 hours. This seems pretty structured. The spawner seems to lean towards spawning 2 basics to every upgraded cat, except the magic variants create a dual spawn timer. When they are spawning, I get one extra base kitty in between each magic kitty. There also seems to be a limit of each type. Right now it looks like I can have 10 base kitties, 5 upgrade kitties, 2 magic kitties and my Scion. All my spawners acted like this. The insect and spider spawners give me more minions, probably because they were not as advanced creatures? I wonder if that number will increase as I grow?
First / Previous / Next

For context my wife and I are struggling through some unrelated personal health issues. In trying to see specialists for our relatively serious symptoms we’re both getting jerked around. The next available appointments are 3-6 months out, the offices keep rescheduling and putting us in the back of the line, and office hours are like 8-4 with an hour lunch 4 days a week. Any advice on how to navigate this bullshit?

TW - successful ER
TLDR - I shared details about my ER numbers with a close family member, but now I really don't want to share any more information about our final embryo results. I don't know exactly why I feel this way and I don't know how to explain to them that I don't want them (or anyone else) to know this last piece of information, without hurting their feelings.
I had my first ER recently and we ended up with one good day 6 embryo and one top graded day 5 embryo (untested in my country). I absolutely understand that we should be grateful to have anything coming out of this awful process but this was less than our clinic expected given my age and protocol and so we are a bit disappointed that we are likely facing another ER round.
We confided in a few select family members and friends about doing IVF but have tried to keep a lot of the specifics of this process to ourselves. I was very conscious of not having to manage other people's feelings on top of ours and not wanting to have to educate/ explain every minor detail when we were really just coming to terms with it all ourselves.
After the ER one of my close family members checked in and directly asked how many eggs we retrieved. I was exhausted and emotional and ended up telling them. They then continued to ask for updates on the numbers as the week progressed. They definitely did this with good intentions but I honestly felt quite uncomfortable about sharing the details and tried to be vague.
This person knows that we have the final outcome today and I just know that the next time we speak they will directly ask what we ended up with. I haven't quite been able to fully understand why this is causing such a strong emotional reaction in me. I think part of it is that I am exhausted and disappointed but I don't want anyone else except my husband to share my disappointment. Maybe there's also an element of shame if I am honest. I also definitely don't want to experience anything close to pity at this moment in time, I don't think I could handle it. On the other hand, I feel bad that this person has been supportive when needed and will probably struggle to understand why I won't just tell them the outcome. As I said, even I don't know why I feel so strongly about not sharing it.
Has anyone had a similar situation and any advice on how to navigate it?

Relationship help?
help!!!!! im so confused
i 14m like this girl in the samw year as me. but its so confusing so i’ll tell u the story first. (its a long one)
I’m from England and so is the girl i like. lets call her Julie. and we go to the same high school. one year an opportunity for an exchange was brought up. In October we’d spend 10 days at our exchange partner’s house in America and go to their school and go round the island learning about different things. Before this, i’d wanted to know who Julie was etc. and I’d kept her at the back of my mind. To my luck, Julie was also going to go on the exchange (There were 30 of us and there are 300 people in my year.) So after the snapchat group chat was made I very smoothly 🤣 slided into Julie’s DM’s. We just talked loads instantly and we were yet to talk in real life. (She is in the other half of the year so we didn’t have any classes.) Meeting after meeting about the trip and we still hadn’t talked. Eventually, the trip arrived and we were headed to heathrow from a local airprot and Heathrow to the airport in america. In the security bit we finally spoke. Julie made a joke as I scurried around trying to be as quick as possible. From there we just kept talking and we even talked on the plane (when she woke up). She was sat behind me and I was sat with a friend and us three talked.
I can’t remember all the details but basically, throughout the whole trip me and her talked the whole time and people always shipped us if you get what I mean. However, I do remember the airport back. We had a three hour wait time I think at the american airport. and we were going around in small groups of four or five and I just spontaneously chose to go around with Julie. Julie was with two of her other friends but we spent the whole three hours making tiktoks and laughing and joking about and we both really enjoyed it. Finally, we were back home and we proceeded to text until school came by again. This is where another recently solved problem comes around.
The last day of the trip there was a massive party and I met this girl lets call Bella. Me and Bella started texting from there and sort of started liking each other. By this point I really really liked Julie and never stopped thinking about her but never knew if she felt the same and was very cautious about it. However, me and Bella kind of died down after a week or so.
So it was back to me putting my full effort into liking Julie. At school we didn’t talk much be exchange the few words whenever I saw her. I was really nervous around her in real life and tried to do my best to make it discreet I liked her and directed my attention elsewhere while still having full attention on her. Yet we texted like crazy and full on as well. We would always joke around and call each other names jokingly and we were really really friendly. We didn’t talk as much in January and February but picked up again in March. I still really really really liked her again and in April we shared our ambitions and they pretty much matched up and we shared our ‘types’ and we described each other but were completely clueless we liked each other. It got a bit confusing because she liked me ( I later found out in June/July) but also mentioned this other guy so I got confused and then in June it got really really messy.
You remember Bella right? Well the American kids all came over to England this time and stayed with us. On the first few days me and Bella didn’t talk however we did one day and we kicked about a ball on a field where everyone on the exchange was hanging out after we had a football match. From there me and Bella hung out a lot together and did stuff together in class activities. We really liked each other and I no longer liked Julie. (It’s really important to keep in mind me and Bella didn’t know each other deeply etc.) However my feeling for Julie still remained a bit but slowly died out even when I still liked Bella the first few days. Anyways, me and Bella had held hands a few times etc. and when Bella went we hugged a lot. We weren’t into a relationship and a few days later we stated ‘talking’ (A state in which the relationship is similar to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship but is not official.) and we called a lot. However a few problems arose when me and Bella discovered each other’s emotions and how we live and what we live by. It was present she was over reactive, over protective, quite mean (For example I’d talk about my day and she wouldn’t care and she’d talk about hers.), she also talked to a lot of other boys oddly (For example she blocked me sometimes and a few days later my friend was at the top of her best friend-list with a 😗 next to his name.) and she always had excuses. It just didn’t work for me and I wasn’t happy at all. Prior to me and Bella stopping talking me and Julie started to text again.
me and julie started to text again in about july 2023. (idk). julie had just got out of a relationship in august so i only started liking her again in september 2023. i tood my friends and obviously word spread but i always said i didnt infront of her so idk if she knew or not. anyway we still texted alot however another guy liked her who also texted her and there was a bit of competition. for a few months i didnt even know if i liked her, some days i would, some days i wouldnt and i was really conflicted. now, the ither guy and her dont really text much and so im not really bothered. we still both text each other loads and weve had eachother st the top of our best friends list for two weeks😂😂. anyways i have no idea if she likes me or not but i like her and were like best friends. feel free to ask any questions.
By the way the girl from american is completely out the picture. Julie doesnt know i like her.

So, you said Lord Nicholas has no personality, which is true lol, but since I'm the devil's advocate, I took that as a challenge. Make yourself comfortable for a long read. Have some popcorn.
Why is this guy more of a tragic character, rather than a villain? And how does a man lose identity, and becomes a monster through desperation? I'll answer this for you below.
• Throughout Plague Tale Innocence, there are various signs that although he is personally close to Vitalis (no use of titles or formalities when speaking to each other) he is the execution, and not the mastermind behind the plans. For example, when Hugo's Macula was to be tested, he urged Vitalis on to put an end to the plague already, they are not here to play games.
• In the very same chapter, we get a little insight on what he believes and thinks about the conflict between the Inquisition and the De Runes. He doesn't understand why Beatrice De Rune resists their persuasion for information regarding the Macula, since their goals are shared -> ending the Plague. Ultimately, he blindly believes Vitalis wants to control the Plague to save them. And he does anything, ANYTHING to make that happen.
Commit genocide against peasants, and in the end, even go as far as killing Hugo.
Now, let's take a little turn to make a background check for this guy. Or at least what is hinted, and what can be assumed with intuition and theories.
• Like I mentioned before, him and Vitalis are personally close, and in the preultimate chapter of Plague Tale: Innocence, after his death, guards talk about him in the city. They are confused why Vitalis hasn't sent anyone for his search (I'll get to that one later), since he was his Protégé. This alone in itself wouldn't mean anything, but right after that a guard added "Maybe he found himself another Protégé" regarding Hugo of course.
Since this game is about innocence and children, it's almost safe to assume that Nicholas likely got taken under Vitalis' wings just as Hugo was now in the present. That would explain why they are close, and why Nicholas blindly trusts his master. Another dialogue backs this up, between the Arch Bishop and Vitalis. "Puppets like you will kneel and beg me to save them." and look who appears and kneels right there and then? Lord Nicholas. This is my theory, I can back it up but it isn't 100% surely true of course. Take it with a pinch of salt please.
• Now, time to get to why Vitalis didn't send anyone after Nicholas' disappearance... We saw nothing of the two months Hugo spent in the Bastion, but based on the Cathedral's state, it's safe to assume things didn't go that well with controlling the Macula. The plan was to get Hugo through the threshold finally, so that the Conjuration can begin. (Note to self: another essay later about that one). Although they tried to push Hugo through with hurting his mother, it didn't work. Because of this, Vitalis tasked Nicholas with taking Hugo to his sister, to end her life. This is simple, but it doesn't stop here.
In the chapter Blood Ties (where we control Hugo), we already meet an impatient Nicholas who wants to put an end to the Plague. Not only that, but let me get to one crucial sentence told by Vitalis. "Nicholas... You cannot understand." This hints at the disagreements between the two, and that Nicholas is not indulged in how this should be done. Nicholas tries to help Vitalis up, but he rejects the help too. It's quite symbolic for the one-sided trust between the two. Due to this growing mistrust, and how Vitalis didn't expect Nicholas to come back after his mission later on, to me it seems like Vitalis cut the ties and sent him exactly to his death to get rid of him.
• Vitalis' plan was never to get rid of Hugo once they pass the threshold ("I have a lot to teach the Carrier, and his friends."), and knew well, that Nicholas has no chance against Hugo and Amicia with the rats alongside them. He sent the man who trusted him the most to his death, and with that also chose his ultimate protégé - Hugo. It's also likely that Nicholas' mistrust grew because his position in the hierarchy was compromised, since it's likely Vitalis got obsessed with Hugo, and Nicholas almost realized he is played with. There is also the idea, that Vitalis sent him away to actually save him from the white rats he meant to send on the crowd anyway. Anyway, Vitalis is for another essay...
• The betrayed, the sacrificed. Who is he? There is absolutely little we know of him, except for his title and occupation. What always speaks in Plague Tale: Innocence though, is the design. I mean look at that drip- sorry.. In "A Making of Plague Tale: Innocence" the creative developers mention the importance of faces, and overall pure, intuitive impressions we get of our characters.
• There is only one character whose face we never see, and that is Nicholas. That doesn't only play as a psychological trick to make him more terrifying, but also hints at certain points. First of all, his robes are Dominican. This is historically fitting (although there were no dominican knights) since Dominicans were those entrusted by the Church to handle trials against heresy and begin inquisitions. This also hints that he is very religious and dedicated to serving the (assumed) good. I know, no way. Let's not forget about how faded out it is, or bloody. In NO way he is a good guy, but a tragic believer? Likely. Under the robes is the armour, which is hit all around. It's no news we talk about a very experienced and efficient knight who also happens to be serving Vitalis (NOT the Church! Explained in another essay, chill.). Knights start their training at 7, and only nobles are in for the job, obviously. I made the connection, that since he likely knows Vitalis from his childhood, and his training also began when he was 7 years old, and his name was Nicholas...
Side note: In medieval times, children were named after Saints to inwoke their blessing, in this case, among many things, protecting children.
It's likely that he himself, just like those he hunts, was an orphan, perhaps even a sinner, who had to be saved by none else, than Vitalis. Give it a thought, maybe he was a lost little boy like Hugo, whose innocence was stolen way too early. With how Plague Tale likes to play with irony and parallels between characters, I don't see this as unlikely.
• All in all, he is what his occupation is, and nothing human. He is the machine that serves. The cross, the judgement. We cannot see his face, because he has no identity except what Vitalis gave him. His role, his title, his mission (perhaps even name). As it can be seen, Hugo too, was dressed in robes showing the Inquisition's sign, like a mark of ownership over him.
• From the very start of the story, he was the representative of that time's barbaric cruelty, unforgiving, misplaced judgement. And as though from the children's perspective he was a monster from the very beginning, how did it go down? As I said before, he has no identity except his committment, and through that his morals, ambitions are shown. At the very start, they ambushed the De Rune estate, and we CANNOT know, if the violance was planned beforehand or it came due to Robert's resistance.
People were taken hostage for questioning, the goal was to capture Hugo, the Carrier, and Beatrice, the only one who can help them understand the plague's origins. It was bloody, but after this chapter, you can hear guards clearly say "capture children" and not just Hugo. Now, unbelivably, I don't think he wanted Amicia bad at the start. They confront each other in the English camp for the second time (where he paid a ransom for both of them), where he tries to negotiate with her to give them Hugo and stop running. Later his methods change, telling the plain truth that there is nowehere for her to go out there (These methods of convincing show a lot of personality and insight especially in the boss fight).
Later on, it's mentioned Vitalis is going hard on him but "he is used to it". Again, their shared history is hinted. The hunt for Hugo is fruitless still, and the plague is spreading day-by-day.
Next we hear from him, is in the chapter where we visit the city with Amicia. Or rather, that he is not exactly participating in the mission killing the sick. Since him and Vitalis disagree with methods of solving the Plague, and he is occupied with catching Hugo, there is a possibility this order of slaughter was carried out without his consent. Though, this is a high take and it would be totally in character to do such a task in the means of self-preservation.
Amicia's visions of him from Penance is not reliable, but at the very same time she clearly dreamed what happened and it's likely she mixed reality with hallucinations from exhaust. If, the hallucinations were true, that means Hugo did hear Amicia, but Nicholas directly diverted his attention from her and led him away.
It's hard to speculate if he did this to let nature do its work, or to actually show mercy, which is equally possible, since it was clear from the beginning that even though she killed his men, he knew she is simply running and kills as a means to survive.
Now, as I explained earlier, many things go down when Hugo resides in the Bastion, and we can only guess what that causes. I mentioned Nicholas' growing distrust, now let me introduce you to the psychological denial he experiences during the boss fight, along with his reflections pointing at the children. The man, becoming the monster. The fire (another essay since fire in Plague Tale is symbolic) causing him to destroy himself.
In the chapter Remembrance he goes to the Château d'Ombrage along Hugo, to ensure the boy passes the threshold with killing his sister, with this enabling Vitalis to pass as well. At first, Nicholas is quite calm and confident, sending Hugo to kill her "Go, and do what has to be done.". Interestingly, despite this, he still has his sword prepared, which shows he still doesn't trust Hugo. Later on, he knocks Arthur out, but doesn't kill him senselessly, despite the fiasco at the English camp. He takes Amicia to Hugo, and now threatens him to kill her, or else he kills his mother in front of him. After that, he tells him, if Hugo does as he tells him so, maybe Vitalis keeps him by his side.
This could hint that only by accomplishments such as this, and proving devotion, can one remain important in Vitalis' eyes. Also, that maybe, Nicholas had to go through something similar, "She means nothing to you now".
Doubts and frantic impatience take hold, which ultimately lead him to take matters into his own hands. He decides to kill her, himself. As he pushes Hugo away, she calls him a bastard, which he then turns back at her, to question her morality and self-righteousness. She betrayed him, that is why he gave himself up. It can be perhaps far-fetched, but this also can count as self-reflection already. Betrayal -> causing giving up, which happens later to him too.
After Arthur "takes care of him" (not exactly...) and the siblings reunite, Nicholas wakes up and this time, immediately kills Arthur. The death is not just a shock value as many believe, it also shows the already progressing monster stepping forth, and losing humanity entirely.
The boss fight has three phases. His methods at provoking the children, and self-reflect change and become way more intense with time.
In the first phase, he tries to separate them and tells Amicia that he knows it must be difficult to live in the Carrier's shadow. Also, that they are terrified. He is poking at her most vulnerable place, their biggest fear, which's "face" is ultimately him. Also, reminding Amicia of her biggest desire, that is to be acknowledged by her parents. Especially this can count as self-reflective, since as I said earlier Nicholas likely noticed Hugo is slowly replacing him in Vitalis' eyes. The wish to excell, and be acknowledged for the devotion is a deep scar this character could carry. He also reminds them of how their father died, to remind them of honour, which Nicholas obviously has a twisted sense of.
In the second phase, his first voice line shows surprise and fear, and anger in response to those feelings. He is more reckless and aggressive too. Here, again, he manipulatively reminds them how little they can do, and threatens them. This is both calculated and instinctual, since he says such things to bring the children out of their hiding places, but at the very same time also because he is slowly losing himself. There are also lines which can be reflective to his beliefs and assumptions based on himself, such as: "Your sister won't be able to save you child.... You are alone." There were already connections made between how Vitalis saved him, and if one puts it all together, this line shows how he doesn't believe in the siblings' bond, because his own bond with Vitalis broke, and Nicholas is (alike to Hugo) alone. Or there is also the line "What do you think you can do? You are nothing. [...]" I wanted to highlight this line because Plague Tale (among many other things) is about the helplessness one faces trying to protect loved ones, and/or trying to rewrite their fates. The fact that Nicholas dehumanizes them entirely, shows he knows the fact one, them or him, cannot change the course that has been set, but he is still in denial trying to fight it (a lot like Amicia in Requiem, by the way. Also, fire (this is why that needs another essay....).
In the third phase, he becomes uncharacteristically reckless and desperate, where he succumbs to the wrath and, his fate. "Come to me, come into my arms my dear children." His sanity decreases and he knows death is unavoidable. The question left is whenever he can bring them down with himself or fails. And failure, is unacceptable. He is better dead, than failed. "I will teach you the meaning of sacrifice" this line shows that likely, he accepted his last quest knowing well he is going to die probably. That he rather burns himself, bring hell, than letting go. He keeps shouting the motto of his order, because that is the only thing that he clings to. It's pathetic and forced, inhumane. "[...] We'll die together" <-> "I will boil your blood until it spurts from your eyes", "You are going to pay, [...]" by this time, he keeps switching tactics at approaching and luring them out, frantic and monstrous. His words mean nothing by this time and desperation takes hold. What line of him is the purest, rawest, and most honest, between all the threads and claims, self-convincing attempts to maintain devoted is this: "The pain... To feel oneself alive... And deliver death." This line might seem like one among the many terrible threats, but it in fact shows his deepest belief. That is, of pain and life. Sacrifice and death. That those who live, have to kill, and that is what it means to exist in this world.
• In Plague Tale Innocence and Requiem, we see Amicia's development into a murderer who follows similarly blind committments.
She ultimately becomes, what she condemned, and what caused her great misery. What, in the end, she herself becomes if Hugo doesn't lead her on the right path. A monster.
So, to sum it all up, Lord Nicholas represents the human being of that time, whose identity is what he serves, and nothing else.
It makes one selfless, righteous, but at what cost? Violence spreads from one person to another, while everyone tries to save what is precious to them. Hope this helped seeing him as more human and with more personality. Cheers. A few more points I couldn't exactly integrate are the following:
• A few things showing the underlying morality and plain intentions: at first he tried to negotiate with both Robert, Amicia, and Beatrice as well. He condones stealing entirely. He doesn't kill Arthur at first.
• In the concept art he is left handed. In Middle Ages, left handed people were considered sinful, since it was the "devil's hand". This added with the self-punishing- self-destructive-Catholic mindset, added with his devotion, signs that he is penitent, and does what he should for a greater good, a salvation, and carries the burden of "sacrifice".

I am neha ( 26 f ) , I am here to vent and get some suggestions or maybe even a real friend . This is a story of how I ruined my love life and destroyed the man who meant everything to me . We grew up in Coimbatore , i first met my boyfriend when I was in 11th grade , I actually saw him in a video , it was a Facebook video made by his friends , one of his friend proposed a girl , so they made a video of it , he was there in it too . He is tall , above 6ft , he looked ok , normal , a bit weird too with his specs and curl hair . He didn’t stand out , after few days I saw in a local chat place , he was with his friend , all sweaty , they came from gym . I recognised him immediately though. I saw him sneakily , idk why , after going home I sent him a request to his Insta . We started talking the same night , he said he saw me too , we connected way too fast , he was very funny and practical, we became best friends very soon , we almost spoke daily , in that following year we became so close, there wasn’t anything sexual , we just talk about our day and our lives daily , then he got into a relationship with a girl , I liked her too , life was so easy and fun back then , after we got into college , I Started to date a guy in my college , but we didn’t stop talking , nothing changed between us , after going to college we started getting drunk and smoking up , it was all new and we all did it almost everyday in first year , it was pretty fun . The guy I was with that time , didn’t really smoke up that much , he got drunk but he didn’t smoke pot that much , but the rest of us gathered everyday to smoke pot and play carrom . We both even meet at night to just smoke up and listen to music . At the end of the first year , one day he called me one evening and told me that he wanted to meet me , he sounded very low , I was with my my boyfriend and his friends that time but I left there immediately,booked an auto and Met him at a usual place near an IT park , we drink coffee and smoke cigarettes there usually.he was already there when I went in , he saw me and smiled but that looked very sad , he told me that his girlfriend kissed someone , a distant cousin of her actually , she kissed him in a moment and texted her girlfriend about it , she mentioned that she regrets it very much , I can’t stand it , I don’t know what to do , I feel nauseous, stuff like that . He showed the screenshots , he didn’t talk much he just smiled but that killed me . I was so angry on her , I didn’t even know what to do to make him feel better at that moment, I said she is not worth it , don’t worry , things like that . He didn’t talk about it after that , he changed the topic and he just sat there for 30-40 mins just smoking thinking about something. We speak almost daily and I know everything about him , he told me when they first had sex , we speak about everything, just not anything sexual to each other , when I saw him like this , I was feeling only rage , I was so angry on her , I don’t understand why she kissed some other guy , after getting into that relationship he was very loyal , I know how loyal he was , he even got a tattoo of her initials , but when he knew about this kiss , it made him so sad I guess . After 2 hours , we went home . I called her as soon as I went home , i scolded her so much , she started crying and told me that it was a mistake, she sounded very regretful too , she cried so much , I couldn’t bring myself to be mean after that .but that night i couldn’t sleep , my ex called me all night but I didn’t pick his call , I kept texting him , we used to text in Snapchat daily , I kept sending him texts and he texted me back to , he said he is going to get drunk and pass out , I also felt that’s better , after some days she even cut her hand , like scratches with knife on wrists , she was very regretful too , then somehow they didn’t break up , he wanted to after that but she didn’t let him , but gradually it got ok , but after this we started to speak and meet more frequently than before , I started to drop him in my college , both of our colleges are in same road , we started going in one vehicle daily. Mostly I drove , we speak all the time about nothing , even when we were going on my scooty , we just make fun of people in road , we laughed , had fun . One day he even pressed my breasts accidentally, side of my breast . I started neglecting my ex , that guy I dated that time , after few months , people started to notice , but still we didn’t care . (I actually come off from a well doing family , my family has enough money but my parents have a very unsuccessful marriage, they don’t even speak to each other , I have a younger sister and elder sister . My elder sister is married , my younger sister difference is 3 years . My parents doesn’t speak to each other , my mom openly says that they are together only for the kids . ) I loved being with him , he made me feel safe , comfortable and it’s always warm when I’m with him . We smoked pot all the time though , it was so fun , we even bunked college went to room and just smoked pot and watched anime all day . One day my ex boyfriend and his friends were in Ooty and they wanted me to come , I said I’ll come with him , I can’t come alone , and I asked him to come . We rolled some joints and started to go in his bike , we went a beautiful ride , stopped and smoked up in between, after we reached there I went with my ex boyfriend. We all smoked up that night got drunk , he usually doesn’t talk that much , but all of us were drunk and it was chill , some of my friends like him some don’t , but it’s all chill . We stayed in a tent stay there , that night I was with my ex , he wanted to make out , we kissed and did some stuff but I just felt restless and distracted, I kept thinking about him and my ex was a drunk too , it didn’t turn me on , after some time he passed out . I went out and went to his tent to see him if he is asleep , but he wasn’t there , then I started to look for him and I found him near the fire place , he was smoking up there alone with a phone in his hand , he was just singing this song 7 years by Lucas I think , he was singing along with a joint in his hand , he saw me coming , smiled but he didn’t stop singing, I can see him feeling even little embarrassed, but he looked so happy and free . I sat down there started to smoke up with him . After sometime I asked him why haven’t even kissed even once , I just asked him in a fun way but he got all serious all of a sudden , he saw me straight in the eyes and told me that he would love to kiss me , I literally felt butterflies in my lower tummy , my hips felt all tight too , idk , I still remember everything though . I kissed him in an instant, I kinda rushed in and kissed him, it felt magical . We kissed for a long time , we just kissed , nothing else . But I loved it , after sometime we separated, he saw me smiled and said I tasted sweet and bitter with weed taste . But my heart was beating so fast that time , I wanted to make out with him right there , I’ve felt horny before but he was the only guy made me feel like this , I tried to kiss him again but he stopped me and told me im drunk and asked me to go sleep . Next morning they asked me to go with them but my mind was fully on that kiss , I came back to cbe in his bike , we didn’t talk anything for the first time I just hugged him on the way back , it was nice too . I thought about plans to break up with my ex , after he dropped me home I kept thinking about the kiss , things got normal after a few days , we were like before but we started to flirt a bit , I started to call him baby and it gradually became very intimate . One day in a movie I kissed him again and he kissed me back too , we started making out bit by bit , it developed into a place where he started to grope me while im driving , I enjoyed every bit of that , I broke up with that guy I was with but he was still with that girl . Around final year first semester end they broke up too . We had intercourse the next day , it was amazing , I loved everything about him and the best thing is he is my best friend too . We rented a place for us by college end , we had sex every single day , it was the best , I loved staying with him . After this there was covid and we had to stay in our place , for one whole year I lived with him happily, he never let me down even once , he was already very caring from beginning but after we got committed , he really did treated me like a princess . He didn’t speak much but his actions were most considerate , we both worked remotely and having the time of our life , two years went by , I was happy and fullfilled , at the end of third year he quit his job and tried to get a different better job with extra good pay , 3 months passed by , one day few friends of mine from my work visited our place , they told me about opportunity to work in chennai for a month , I took it and went to chennai for a month , he dropped me to bus and sent me off to chennai . We spoke daily but not that much , I went out with my friends daily got drunk , just having fun . Some of my friends think my boyfriend is beneath me , one even said that I deserve better , she said he didn’t even get a job in three months joked and asked me whether I am the one who’s paying rent , actually he never asked me rent or money , he always paid for everything , but that time when they were joking I didn’t defend him , I still couldn’t believe that I didn’t say anything . In that week I met a guy , he came with my friends , he flirted with me when I was there , after I went back to PG I got a text from this guy , he got my number from my friends it seems . After some texts I responded and we started texting ,i liked the attention I think idk , I was talking to my boyfriend daily too , but somehow he noticed that I am not ok , he asked me about it and I said it was work issue and I am tired , 3^rd weekend I met that guy alone , he wanted to have a drink and I went , I slept with him that night , to be honest the sex wasn’t good , when he got inside me I felt darkness , I swear . Idk why I did it , after sex that guy slept in a second , I saw him lying down and I felt like killing myself , I left to my pg in midnight , I booked a cab and went back . I saw my snap notifications from him but I couldn’t open it , I blocked that guy’s number , I went to pg , cried myself to sleep . Next morning I spoke to my boyfriend , told him that I got cold and resting today , he told me that he got a job as a business manager for a US IT firm , he sounded so happy and told me that he called yesterday night to tell me this . I was crying so hard when he was on the phone , at that moment I swear I even fogot the face of that I slept with , he asked me to get rest and I hung up . I couldn’t talk to him , I felt so guilty and ashamed , as I was thinking this I get a notification my swiggy that he placed order to my pg , he bought soup . I broke down , it was like everything is telling me how big mistake I made , suddenly my thought went to that day he told me about his ex’s kiss , I can see that sad smile . I decided not to tell him and love him more and more , he had his birthday in 15 days I wanted to do something for him . When I came back from chennai , he picked me , he was so happy to see me , he spoke about his new job to me on the way , he was like a child , maybe cause he missed me for a month , I can see that he is so happy like silly child just to see me , after going home I had sex with him , I even rimmed him and I kinda liked it , it was the best sex we had , I felt alive and also very guilty . I treated him better and better to ease my guilt , but this made him very happy , I arranged a small party with my sister ,his friends and my mom .the day before his birthday we got drunk he asked me why I am not being adamant like before , ‘enna kadhal ha ‘ (joking sayin I am so in love) he joked about how afetr five years we can get super rich and start a family , I melted hearing all this .i promised myself that I will never let him down . but ha ha This is why I think karma is a bitch , at the noon of his birthday I got a text from that guy saying that he is thinking about that night . He heard the notification took the phone to pass it to me , he just saw the phone simply , just a glance and he just stopped and opened the text , I was blowing up balloons opposite of him , I saw his face and my heart sank , he came closer and gave me the phone , he didn’t speak anything , I opened my phone in a panic , saw the text and I saw him , he asked me ‘ so you slept with some guy ? ‘ , I didn’t reply , my whole mind got blank , I felt like I was gonna faint , he just saw me and said why . Of all these years I knew him I never saw him cry , but now his voice was shaking , he just asked me ‘ yen ‘ (why in tamil) . I saw tears on his eyes , I can see his eyes becoming lifeless in a matter of minutes , I tried to hug him but he just moved away , no matter how much we fight , when I hug him , he gets all cute and lovely , but he just moved away in an instinct . He then came forward hugged me tightly , he said ‘ sorry ‘ . I still don’t know why he said sorry , but that sounded so weak to me , he is my everything and I hurt him , I know everything about him and I still fucked up . He hugged me for some more time , I knew this warmth might be the last thing . After few mins , he rubbed his eyes in my dress , saw me smiled the same way . But it felt more like he is laughing at himself , I watched my 6 ft man walking out of the room , I just stood there alone , and I felt very cold , I remember that cold everyday , evening people came for the party and he got ready and cut the cake , fed me the first piece , my mom and sister was there too , he behaved very good , spoke with my family , but I can see that he is broke , but he still made it through the night , I went to speak with him that night , but he said he can’t . he said ‘ please I can’t ‘ . I choked hearing his voice , he went to terrace , I didn’t sleep at all that night , I walked around our little one bhk apartment , I smoked two packs of cigs that night , I went to check on him in the terrace by 4 , he was sleeping there on the floor , he hugs himself in sleep and its so cold , I cried watching him , just one day ago he was being silly like a kid talking about future family , now he is there alone , heartbroken . Morning usually he makes coffee and rolls one , I made coffee and rolled one , waited for him to come down . He came down saw me and smiled , but its not the cheerful smile , it just hurt so bad watching him like that , he drank the coffee , smoked up with me , even told me its good. Then he got ready , I cooked but he said he can’t eat , he is not hungry , that morning was so silent , he cheers up with he sees me , he was my biggest fan , now he left home with just saying bye . I got a text from him that aftrn asking me to move back to my mom’s if possible , I was dead . I couldn’t say no , I hurt him , he didn’t even scold me , he even requested me , I can only say yes . I asked him that I want to stay one more night , he said ok like always . That night I asked him to cuddle with me , he said ok , he wanted that too it seems , we just hugged in silent , he slept off quickly , he always told me that when I sleep with him it makes him stressfree and he gets a good night sleep . He was asleep on my breasts , I saw him sleeping and I couldn’t stop my tears , realising that this is the last time , I made a stupid mistake , but everything felt unimportant now , I saw him sleeping and I kissed him on his cheek , must have whispered sorry a 100 times , our four years relationship came through my mind , I realize that he made sure I was happy in every way he knew , I proposed him , I made him fall for me , now I broke his heart . I didb’t sleep that night too , morning I dozed off , when I woke up he wasn’t there, he made juice for me and left for work . I packed some of my stuff and went to my mom’s . when I stepped out of our little home , I broke down and cried . I went home and cried , I told my mom we fought , but my sister knew something was up , she tried to ask him but he said it was a small fight , I confessed to her that night , I still remember seeing her confused look , she is a gen z kid , but even she gave me a look of confusion , she didn’t understand how I could do that , she liked my boyfriend very much , she was almost proud of him . But when she knew I cheated on him , she felt disgusted I think . Our sister bind kind of broke too that night . My life was dull , I missed him every second , I missed talking to him , I missed his smell , everything . I just focused on work , two months went by with no contact . I saw him near IT park at our spot one day, he looked like he was sick , he lost weight , his eyes are dry , he looked so pale . I saw him from a distance and I couldn’t believe my eyes , my baby looked so weak and sick , he was having a coffe and smoking a cig alone at the place we used to sit . My eyes teared up watching him , he looked so lonely . None of my friends knew we broke up because I cheated , he specifically asked me not to say anything to anyone . I didn’t speak to him that day , I couldn’t . I was full with guilt . After going home I called his friends and asked how he was and they said that they lost all contact with him and he is ghosting everybody . I broke him and also made him alone , I seriously considered killing myself but I was a coward . After a month , when I was in office , my mom got a diabities issue and fainted , my sister called him in a hurry , he came immediatiely and admitted mom in hospital , when I came there I saw him with a plastic cover with insulins for my mom . After my elder siter came , he left , he asked me to call with updates . Before leaving he asked me why I cheated , he said “ is it because I am not satisfying you “ or “ you wanted a emotial support “. when he said that , I just stood there , I can see his face , hiding a humiliation , I never had a sex issue with him , I loved being with him , but my baby asked me this , I felt ashamed . I couldn’t face him , I just stood there , he said never mind and left . I stood there seeing him leave ,but I didn’t give up , I started texting and snapping so much and somehow I made him talk to me normally , but his eyes has lost its color, he looks like he is tired of everything . After few days we both got drunk and alone , I kissed him as soon as I got the chance , he kissed me back too , usually when he kisses , he hold me ears , looks me in the eyes and kiss me , he did the same out of the habit , as soon as our eyes locked , he bursted out in tears , I truly felt how much this man loved me and how much I hurt him , he wanted to do more but he stopped himself , when he burst into tears, my heart completely broke , I hate myself so much , I hate my friends for fucking up my mind , I hate that guy . My man is gettting punished for giving everything to me , its been a year , he changed , he looks lean , unhealthy , I even think his hair is falling , almost like a zombie . I would glady kill myself for him , I just want him to be happy , I destroyed the only person I love , I see how devastating this can get for him, he looks so weak , I can’r accept it . I should’ve defended him when they joked about him . Its all my fault , its been a year and I still can;t go back to him , I can’t imagine another guy to raise my kids , I want him . Help me .

Hi I’m 6,1 around 165 without water weight tall and lanky with little to moderate amount of muscle. I also have a pretty great activity level I try and workout 5 days out of the week. I kinda wanna put on muscle or just bulk up but at the same time I don’t wanna potentially get too fat in the face so what should I do?

Hello, I have been to Japan 1 time around 5 years ago before Covid. I spent the full time in Tokyo with the exception of one night around Mt. Fuji. I will be traveling with a friend this month, we are both Male and it is his first time. Most of my questions are regarding Kyoto, specifically how to get around. We are considering getting bicycles to ride to each location we would like to visit but google maps says its around 20 miles. We are both very fit and cycle often but since we are unsure of what the weather will be and how getting around on a bike is, we are not sure if its the best idea. Possibly may have to drop something to see in Kyoto, or push one thing to the evening prior or next morning instead. Please let me know your thoughts on the entire itinerary as well as my concerns regarding Kyoto. Also the only thing we dont have booked is both Shinkansen rides and ways too and from HND. Should we book them now?
23rd - Thursday - Land in Tokyo (HND) at 4pm. Scan QR code for eSim (need to figure out still). Exchange money. (Figure out best way to get from HND to Shinjuku, currently looking at Limo Bus). Check into AirBnB(in Shinjuku). Wander around close to home for the night and grab food.
24th - Friday - Head over to Ryogoku station, see the Sword Museum, then get to the Sumo Tournament around 1-2pm to catch the final two divisions. Probably head back to Shinjuku AirBnb and wander more around Kabukicho.
25th - Saturday - Go to Shibuya. Visit Meiji Jingu,Yoyogi Park, Nintendo Tokyo, Center Gai, Shibuya Scramble and possibly Shibuya Sky. (Considering Government Building instead / as well, maybe one in morning and other at night). Maybe Karaoke here or back near the AirBnB in Shinjuku.
26th - Sunday - Imperial Palace and the East Garden. Then to Akihabara where I will be spending a good amount of time wandering and shopping. Going to a bar in Shinjuku to watch the Monaco GP F1 Race at 10PM.
27th - Monday - Go to Nakano Broadway to do some shopping. Then go to Ikebukuro and Sunshine City, Pokemon Center and wander around.
28th - Tuesday - Take the already reserved Highway Bus at 9:45am (Shinjuku Expressway Bus Terminal) to Kawaguchiko Station (2 hours). Store luggage. Pick up our already reserved bikes at Kawaguchiko station at noon, bike to Chureito Pagoda, then Oishi Park, then around the rest of Lake Kawaguchi, Fujiomurosengen Shrine, then return the bikes. Check into AirBnB anytime after 4PM. Relax, enjoy the scenery of the lake and Mt. Fuji (fingers crossed).
29th - Wednesday - Take an already reserved Bus via Sekitori from Kawaguchiko Station (track no. 6) at 10:20am to Mishima Station North Gate (1 hour 30 min). Take the Shinkansen to Kyoto ( 2 hours 20 min). Maybe use a luggage locker to explore prior to checking into AirBnB (just south of Kyoto Imperial Palace) after 3pm. Go to Kyoto Imperial Palace and Garden or Nijo Castle. Wonder around for the rest of the day.
30th - Thursday - Need help getting to and from locations. Sights we would like to see during this day may be too busy? Should we move one of them to the evening prior or to the next morning? Kinkaku-ji, Arashiyama Bamboo Forest, Togetsukyo Bridge, Arashiyama Monkey Park. Then a section of Fushimi Inari and the section of Kiyomizu-dera and Higashiyama Ward.
31st - Friday - Visit any remaining spots if we chose to in Kyoto, take Shinkansen to Tokyo. Check into AirBnB. Go to Shinjuku Gyoen National Garden and Harajuku.
1st - Saturday - Early afternoon rent a car and go to Yokohama, visit Nissan Engine Museum and Nissan Gallery/Boutique. Then head to Diakoku Parking Area and hang out till it closes.
2nd - Sunday - Go to Senso-ji, Kaminarimon, then to Tokyo Sky Tree and Sky Tree Pokemon Center. If time left then go back to Asakusa to shop around Nakamise and Shin-Nakamise or open to suggestions.
3rd - Monday - Leaving this day open to decide what we want to do while we are there.
4th - Tuesday - Check out, head to the airport (Limo Bus?) (HND) for a 5:15pm flight.

“i cant do it anymore” “i really want to k@ll myself rn” “why is it so hard, i hate the fucking ib”
As an M24 student, the biggest observation that constantly came to my mind over two years of interacting with the IB people is the amount of whining, nitpicking, grumbling and crying. People dramatize the experience of plain studying to the extent that looking at any IB-associated subreddit, one could think that IB is actually THAT hard. Unbelievably, impossibly, destructively, atrociously hard.
But is it?
Speaking from personal experience, no, it is fucking not. It is designed to be doable, and it is more than doable to get a 7 in every subject. It is more than doable to score 80+ on every test, and y’all know about it. If you spent 2-3 hours of your time after classes every day to do some productive work, you would ace the IB, and yes, it is doable with setting your priorities right.
The six courses? Math, bio, physics, chem, whatever is considered the hardest. Take time to reflect - was it that impossible? Was that topic that confusing? Was that test that hard? If you actually did the work you were expected to do, would this subject be that difficult?
IA’s and EE? If you worked over summer between Y1 and Y2 and actually got to apply some knowledge to explore something that is INTERESTING TO YOU, something that sparks your curiosity, would all that research work be that annoying?
CAS? No comments needed, anyone knows its bullshit and treating it like bullshit works perfectly.
Bad teachers? The amount of free IB materials of the highest quality in the internet is incredible. No other program has so many resources for literally every subject you can take. Tell your fellow IB alumni at unis about your bad teachers. They will enlighten you on the actual problems of having bad teachers.
Think about IB this way before trying to rationalise your inability to set the priorities right, and using the excuse of “the hardest high school program in the world” next time.
Y’all gotta admit the fact that if you tried not even hard enough, but just consistently enough, the lowest grade you would get for any test would be a 6. And y’all gotta admit that this whining comes from your personal choices that you had made over the two years of studying.
I am not a perfect student either, and I do have struggles. But I have never tried to use the ego defence mechanism of crying how hard IB is instead of putting effort to make it a productive experience. Seek knowledge instead of typing on reddit how much you would love to unalive yourself.
P.S ofc, this is for general IB population, I understand that there are cases like death of a close one, divorce etc that multiply the difficulty of anything. Those are valid excuses ,“IB IS HARD😭😭” is not.

I recently was diagnosed with HSV2. I had sex with 2 new partners. -Guy one we had sex 6 1/2 weeks and then again 2 1/2 weeks before my symptoms started. -Guy two we had sex 2 days before symptoms started. I told them both, but they have yet to be tested. Which one would have been more likely to give it to me? The unknowing is driving me insane. It was 4 days between the itching starting and then the lesions.

Times:

• Day parties (pool parties)
  • Open: 11am
  • Arrive by: 11am-12pm
  • Headliner plays: 2-4pm
  • Closes: 4-6pm
• Night parties (nightclubs)
  • Open: 9-10pm
  • Arrive by: 10-11pm
  • Headliner plays: 1-3am
  • Closes: 4-5am

“Arrive by” times are for the free guest list. If you get there any later, the line will be 2-6 hrs and not worth it.
This year will be my 3rd EDC & EDC week. I wrote down what I think are the approximate times for most events. But can someone more experienced confirm? Especially for “Arrive by” times, I'm not sure I got it right. I don't want to arrive too early when the party is empty, but I certainly don't want to arrive too late when the line is too long.

So, the wife bought me a Nespresso Vertuo for Christmas after my son showed me his Nespresso. Obviously, it's heads and shoulders above the Keurig that we had. Since Christmas, we ditched the Keurig, and only use the Nespresso unit. Three days ago, I realized I needed an Nespresso for my office. Checked Amazon, and didn't want to drop 200 bones for coffee when my company already supplied something they call coffee. lol Decided to check FB Marketplace, and found one for 30 bucks. Only issue, as stated in the ad, was the drip tray was missing. No worries, I agreed, and and I snagged it for 30 bones. Here's the rub. It squeaked when brewing. Sounded like a bearing going out. So, I ordered the bearing for 6 bucks, swapped in out in 15 minutes, and no have an amazing cup of 'quiet' coffee for 36 bones. Add to the fact that I grind and reload, and I'm getting a decent cup for 30 cents a cup! Good times...

Hi all. Pretty much what the title states. I’m 29 and feel like I’m always playing catchup because I live in a VERY HCOL area. I make a really solid salary of about 180k annually. But I just feel like there’s always something that is costing me absurd amounts of money. ~5 years ago now I was about 60k in debt (I wasn’t making jack shit for money). I was putting rent on my credit cards etc to survive while “following my dreams” and realized it was a bunch of BS lol. Currently only have about 14k left which is great after 5 years. Just ranting I guess and want to see if anyone feels similar? Timeline and money info below:
2017: moved to start chasing my dream. Worked for FREE like an idiot 40+ hours a week for 6 months until my then boss found value in what I did and paid me 25k a year (below minimum wage for a salary).
2018: got a raise and made 27.5k a year lol which was cool. Still in debt but worked probably 80-100 hours a week.
2019: continue building debt and having zero dollars. Lived paycheck to paycheck
End of 2019: I finally quit. I moved and started making ~40k a year at a different job
Oct of 2021: got laid off.
Feb of 2022: started a new job contractor making 90k
April of 2022: got the job offer I was waiting for after 4 months and was making 132k
June of 2023: got a solid promotion and now make 180k
Current salary: 180k
Bonus: 10%
401k(5 years of contribution): 70k
Roth IRA(2 years of contribution): 6k
Bills: ~ 5500/month (majority is rent @ 4k)
I live pretty frugally. Most I spend is on food lol but it just feels hard to survive. I’m making more money, but I feel more poor now than I ever did tbh. It’s shit. Anyways thanks for coming to my rant. If you stuck around this long, feel free to shit on me in the comments because it feels like that’s what Reddit is these days.
Also feel free to provide advice or things you’ve done to help your finances grow.

5/13/2024
For legal reasons (😜😜) let’s call this story fiction. I’ll change the name of the characters. The locations. And some of the smaller details. Maybe I even made the whole thing up- after all, this is a fictional story ( 😉) let’s get started.
You know that part in a mystery movie where you finally get the clue you needed to put the whole story together and you finally figure out who was good, and who was bad all along, and you realize you had it wrong the whole time. That’s where I am at in life.
July 6th 2023 I promised to not speak to my brother for one year. One day fever everyday he spend lying to my face about the wedding. I didn’t know that the wedding was only going to be one of several horrible things that happened this year. But after what happened, and after going viral- the over all main question was why? Why would he do this? Did i think we were closer than he did? . What was the point ? Why has there been zero accountability or repercussions for this. I’ve spent a year trying to figure it out, and I was given the clue I needed. And sadly this isn’t just about the wedding. This goes back so much future. But since, this is fiction ( 😉) no one should be to upset when they see their chapter.
Why? Why now. Why make this public. What’s the point?
Why- Reddit- you helped me more than you will ever know this year. On days when i really believed i deserved this- I’d read responses and remember this wasn’t me. I know the things I’m going to talk about at the very least will reassure someone they are not alone, just like I needed. Why now- well, now I have the freedom to Speak as freely as I want, and I do not have to worry about the repercussions anymore.
Triggers : CSA. SA. MENTAL HEALTH. CHEATING. PHYSICAL/ MENTAL / EMOTIONAL ABUSE. TOXIC FAMILY. SELF HARM.
Our family is known for not speaking about their feeling. For shoving them down and never letting the other person know how hurt you are because that somehow feels like they won. But I realized recently, triggered by my brother acting so unfazed by all of this that I will not give him, or anyone else in this story the COURTESY of not saying what you did. I won’t hold it in so you won’t know the pain you caused. I won’t pretend to be unbothered or like I’m “over” what you did. I’m not going to live in a fairlytale where I pretend none of this affected me. You are going to know. I will not allow any of you the courtesy of living the rest of your life unknowing of the pain and destruction that you have caused, you are going to know it, and you’re gonna know it well, and you’re gonna live with that for the rest of your life.
You’re going to know (all characters) what you did. You’re going to know how it affects me both short term and long term. You’re going to know that I wasn’t ok. You’re going to know this year for the first time ever I spent months in my bed. I cried every time I got in the car. There were times this year where I was only still finding the will to want to live in the obligation I have for my husband and kids. You don’t get to get away with not knowing EXACTLY how what you did destroyed me mentally this year.
I won’t protect any of the characters in this story - but after all they are all fiction ( 😉) and you can retaliate if you must- you can try to convince anyone who will listen that I am the villain- and if that’s non fiction - then do us both the favor- protect yourself and stay as far away from me as you can- because at the end of this. Everyone will know the truth (in this deff not completely accurate fictional story)
I have nothing left to lose.
Reddit - chapter 2 will be the wedding story. Everyone where knows it. So I’ll be skipping it - but giving a short summary on TT.
See everyone here in chapter 3 or over on TT.
Also- this is a lot. It’s heavy- and I’m going to need to break it up over the course of a few weeks. It would be too much to put out all at once and I need time to process. Need time to regroup and spend time with my family in between letting all of this out. But rest assured you will have your answer by July 6, 2024.

I dunno who needs to hear this but I was diagnosed with high blood pressure last year. My primary care mentioned that I shouldn’t be on birth control with high blood pressure and it could be causing it. I had been on the pill for over 14 years at that point. I shrugged it off. I was sent to a cardiologist who put me on blood pressure meds. I did more research. I was a normal weight. I eat well. I run every day. I quit taking my birth control and 4 weeks later I noticed my blood pressure start to dip. Then I stopped taking my blood pressure medication (yeah I probably should have talked to my doctor but I take my BP 2x a day). It’s not 100% back to normal and has been without medication for 6 weeks now. I wish either my gyno or cardio or primary had recommend I come off the pill sooner. I hope this helps anyone as a first line of defense before meds. It’s been a frustrating journey.