Now I know the title sounds REALLY bad and I just want to say first that I hate EA as much as the next guy and I am not an advocate for their business plans HOWEVER I want to know the problem about EA adding ads into their games and I want to know what problem the common consumer of games feels about EA's business decision (I just want to gather opinions so you can change my mind that's all and I'm not advocating for anything).
I know that EA does a lot of scummy things however the advertisement stuff seems a bit less than I believe. EA has had ads in their games since Battlefield 2, and they were just banner ads you could come across in game and look at and walk past, the same as in 2042 and so on. Companies do need money and this does seem like a good way as it not forceful. It's just like real life ads on buses and in Time Square and in London for example.
I see alot of people complaining about how 2K has ads but ME PERSONALLY (please dont clown me) I dont see a problem as it is part of the 2KTV series and also it is during a loading screen which can be skipped once finished loading so it is not inherently awful. Also they have promotional ads for brands which are cosmetic so that pretty cool too.
Do you people believe banner ads and NON-FORCEFUL ads are ok or is it still scummy
TL;DR Why do you think ads in games are bad, I believe banner ads and ads that you are not forced to watch aren't that bad but I wanna hear your thoughts so you can change my mind.
Please don't clown me lol I just want to have a discussion and hopefully get some conflicting views. And no I'm not a bot made by the EA executives to force you to accept ads into their games.

Weekly Questions & Purchase Advice Thread

Here you can get advice on mouse purchase decisions and help others or ask other mouse related questions that don't deserve an entire thread. If you have any specific product questions don't be afraid to personally message or call upon the sidebar mouse company representatives
Purchase Advice Posting Template
Not required, but here is a posting template specifically for purchase advice. Simply replace the (text) with the appropriate information. If you wish to not fill out a section simply write N/A or delete the line entirely.Purchase Advice Request(Introduction, additional details, region/vendor constraints, special requirements, etc)

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• Hand Preference (Right, left, or ambidextrous)
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Me and my friend Anna (both of us are 19f) met when we started uni this year. We do the same course and have a lot of similar interests, and I love spending time with her when we're both sober.
She has a habit of getting borderline blackout drunk every time we go out together. I understand that everyone has a bad night once in a while (I've had them too) but it's become a near constant thing. She starts crying, drunk texting/calling people and ends up throwing up and needing someone to take her home.
I've tried talking to her about it and she'll say she's sorry, it won't happen again and that she's going to stop drinking, but does it again the next weekend. If I'm not going to a club with her, she'll call me crying when she gets kicked out and ask me to come pick her up and take her home.
A couple months ago me, Anna and another friend from our course talked about living together next year. We didn't talk about it much after that but now that exams are over we're at the point where we'd need to start properly looking for a flat (deciding on a set budget, going to flat viewings etc). Since our initial conversation, I've thought about it a lot and I don't think I'd feel comfortable living with Anna next year.
I feel like living with her will only make her more dependent on me. I've also seen her accidentally break stuff/completely trash her room when she's drunk, and I don't want her to make a mess in our flat every time she comes home after a night out.
I'm happy to continue being her friend if she can get her drinking under control but tight now it seems like the problem is getting worse and not better, and I don't want to commit to living with her for a year if things aren't going to improve.
I've spoken to the friend we're planning on living with about it and she says she doesn't personally have a problem with it (since she's not usually there when Anna's drunk and doesn't have to deal with it) but she understands if I do and would be happy to look for a flat for just the two of us.
How should I should tell Anna that I don't want to live with her anymore without making it seem like I'm completely abandoning her?

I know I can’t be the only one that loves driving my husband batshit crazy with my Bravo antics
Some examples off the top of my head:
When he asks me to do any little thing it’s swiftly followed with a “WHO GON CHECK ME BOO?”
Whenever we’re going anywhere it’s always “don’t be tardy for the party” but singing it in the most obnoxious way ever
And my personal fave: I’ll tell him we need to talk about something serious and he’ll get all flustered and I’ll sit him down and say “you’re my BAST friend”
I would love to hear yalls!! Maybe I can add some new material to use on my hubby lol

Hi all,
So our situation is as follows:
- we live together in his house (that he owns)
- we share the utilities (water, electricity, phone etc)
- we earn almost the same salary
- we share cost of food, trip expenses etc
We basically split almost everything 50/50 which I think is fair and im happy to do so.
BUT - there is one thing he expects me to share in, which is cost taxes on property we live in: so things like yearly property tax, monthly garbage collection tax, plot tax, and few other random taxes
I've spoken to few friends, and they said, even though we live together for few years now, it doesnt seem fair that im paying tax on property he owns and that he will continue to own even if we marry/separate etc
I dont mind paying at all, its not a lot of money, its just that I feel its kinda 'transactional' at this point for him to even ask these $50-100 every couple of months for such things
I personally would never ask of my partner to pay taxes on things I own, so I need your opinion - whether I'm naive/too nice/stupid, or its perfectly fine to ask to share these expenses and im weird for even questioning it

I’m posting to hear opinions of couples who are happy with their MC and can honestly say it helped them to navigate the R after infidelity. BH experience is most welcome but if you’re a BW or Wayward, go right ahead too.
——
We’ve been going to this particular MC for over a month now (5-ish sessions) and the therapist seems nice and definitely has the tools to help marriages, I’m just not sure she’s equipped to deal with infidelity.
Today we’ve had a particularly difficult session. I was explaining how I’m trying to improve as a husband and partner but dealing with what my trauma cooks for me, consumes a lot of the daily energy quota. And that at some point, my wife needs to be patient and caring with me, not distant – because acting distant out of her fear makes my journey longer and more painful.
Towards the end of the session I was met with a sentence that kind of shook me… therapist said that I might be focusing too much on my trauma – that the relationship is here and now, and trauma is in the past. That my quote of 2-5 years of getting out of trauma might be looking in the wrong direction.

Note: DD1 was in August where I found her affair. DD2 was 2.5 months ago – this was the final admission by my WW with all the details and past affairs (yes, plural). I’m thinking this is way too early to expect me to be in complete control over trauma, no?

We’ve had issues as a couple for many years, then the main A happened, then more information about WW surfaced, and now we have a fraction of original issues as a couple + new ones + lots of appreciation and love for each other. I think it’s easy to be caught in the immediate emotional reaction to a statement like the one above. But can this be actually true?
I personally think MC is kind of… easy (?) if you don’t have infidelity trauma – there are books just out there with so many tools and exercises just ready to be read and implemented.
What makes our situation hard is that I see all the fucking wisdom and knowledge in those books and would love to just apply it to my relationship but my trauma and lack of trust makes it this whole other level of painful and difficult. I think that’s the challenge in MC – we’re not a typical "husband and wife seeking counseling" situation, am I getting this right?
Should I expect MC to not pretend those sessions are just about the communication, the respect and trust, and tackle the issue of infidelity trauma and its effect on our relationship? How would this work, can you give me examples of the difference between normal MC and the one where therapist doesn’t lessen Betrayed’s trauma?
I’m not even mad, I’m just curious if this forum, the books and their USA-centric roots made me too optimistic that MC in Europe can behave in a similar fashion. Am I expecting too much?

I've noticed a lot of posts about the 32 EDH / commander deck challenge recently, so I thought I would give some advice for those starting or are already on their journey from someone who has completed it.
I recently posted in my LGS's discord for someone who asked a similar question, so I thought I would share it here.
For context, I have been playing magic consistently since about M12 (2011) and playing commander since about Dark Ascension (2012).

1. Developing your land bases is an important step based on your budget. If you know you're going to make one of every colour, your colour fixing will be very similar for all of them. It's also the most expensive part depending; and now is a good time. After MH3, all 10 fetches will be the cheapest in a while, shocks have had recent reprints, etc. During my process over the years making them, I've changed deck themes so often, so it helps to have ready to go.
   • This can include having a stack of cheaper staples like Sol Rings and Arcane Signets.
2. As for deck choices, I found picking a challenge is a creative and fun way then just make XYZ good stuff. For instance using companion for the restriction, no rares, style of art/theme, intentionally bad commander, pet card tribal, etc.
3. Wait a while (two sets or so) for a popular commander to leave the zeitgeist so it's staples don't hold the inflated price from hype. You don't have to be the first person to have a new Obeka deck at FNM for it to function the same months later.
4. Try sticking to only have one colour combo at a time. It's cool to have a style you jive with, but branching out of the same same is also a process for this. You have to like what you play, and remember that colours are more diverse than ever. Hate counter spells and control? Blue has artifacts galore. Hate artifacts too? Try merfolk or illusion or kraken tribal.
   • This is much easier if you have a land base developed.
5. Diversify. Having seven artifact decks gets old fast (trust me). Not all your decks can be your favourite, but variety is the spice of life. It allows for more options on any given day. It also lets other people try out different strategies when lending them your decks.
6. To help with the previous point it's super easy to add a colour or two to an existing deck in order to keep the spirit of another one. I.e. I love a new Dimir (UB) commander, but I can't bare to break up my artifact deck, so I'll add white and make it Esper (WUB). Knock down another colour combo AND get your new hottness. Get two birds stoned at once. Decks evolve as time goes on and more cool cards are added to the pool, so shifting colours is normal.
7. Work with what you have. It's a cost effective, fun, and creative way rather than net-decking the best EDHrec version of a deck. I find this also gets at the spirit of casual magic.
8. If you don't have a base collection to work with; precons are a great start for newer players and buy only the singles you need.
   • Cracking packs is fun and all that, and if you must, limit yourself to limited environments (drafts, pack wars or sealed with a friend, etc.).
9. Don't rush. Enjoy the journey. There will always be new cards if you don't love your current options for a specific colour combination.

I hope these few pieces of advice help people on their journeys to completing your decks!

The poverty line is 18k per year.
Rent is around 24k per year in Northern Virginia. And minimum of 12k per year for one with a roomie.
I calculated there are at least 112,009 single person, single adult tax-defined households making less than 18k. Add in families making less than 18k and this number rises to at least 459,272 adults below the poverty line who aren't sharing income in NoVA.
HUD housing only gave out 300 new HCV vouchers for apartments in Loudoun, in a decade, for example. Similar stories in surrounding countries. The LIHTC program offers the cheapest subsidized apartments outside of HUD, but only a few dozen apts per county.
HUD housing SSI/SSDI, etc are very stingy and don't even reach a fraction of these people. I don't know how many families are using TANF. But that wouldn't even apply to singles. So how are almost half a million singles and families housing themselves if they make below 18k?

Eivor is a bit of a strange protagonist.
She’s basically flawless and without blame. She’s brash and bold, proud and unashamed — brave and wise far beyond her years, yet able to be soft and compassionate when not brandishing spears. She’s got a knack for leadership, a strong moral compass and an even stronger muscular system with which to enact justice.
And she’s got bars?
As someone not deeply versed in medieval European histories, imagine my shock and confusion upon discovering that Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla included rap battling.
My first experience with Flyting had me asking so many questions about what I just witnessed that I couldn’t wait to begin Googling. I figured flyting probably was historically accurate, but if that’s the case, then what else can it tells us about the medieval warrior and about Eivor’s characterization?
I set off to find out.
--
Wikipedia and howstuffworks combined gave me a robust definition of flyting.
A ritual, poetic exchange of insults practiced mainly between the 5th and 16th centuries. Examples of flyting are found throughout Scots, Ancient, Medieval and Modern Celtic, Old English, Middle English and Norse literature involving both historical and mythological figures. The exchanges would become extremely provocative, often involving accusations of cowardice or sexual perversion.
The idea behind flyting was to influence public opinion of the participants and raise both of their profiles. And each participant wanted to make himself look better than the other, even if they were friendly.
Not only that, but flyting’s also the first recorded use of shit as an insult. That right there is worth this whole essay and then some.
--
I came away from those definitions with some small Euphoria, as they reinforce what I already expected from Ubisoft — historically accurate and (arguably) immersive side activities grounded in realism.
Unfortunately, none of the flyting foes that Eivor faces in this fantasy are founded in any real-world flyters. I was particularly frustrated when I realized Fergal the Faceless and Borghild the Alewife’s Bane were fictional features, not real historical fiends of rhythm and rhyme.
Two of Eivor’s syntax competitors are “real” in some sense, however.
In Norse mythos, Odin, Thor, Loki, Freyja and more would handle their Family Matters over a flyte from time to time, dueling wits and words as competition and entertainment.
In fact, one flyte we do see in game — Odin as he flytes over the river with Thor in the Asgard Arc — is likely a reference to a real medieval Norse poem; The Hárbarðsljóð.
In it, Thor jaunts back to Asgard after a journey in Jötunheim. He comes to a junction in which he must jump a large river, and thus hunts down a ferryman to shepherd him across. The ferryman, Hárbarðr, is Odin in disguise. He then begins to diss guys.
Ahem. ‘Guys’ being Thor, obviously.
First, Odin drops a yo-mama joke:

Of thy morning feats art thou proud, but the future thou knowest not wholly; Doleful thine home-coming is: thy mother, me thinks, is dead.

He keeps going, taking more shots than a First Person Shooter, this time saying Thor dresses like a girl:

Three good dwellings methinks, thou hast not; Barefoot thou standest and wearest a beggar’s dress; Not even hose dost thou have.

Thor says watch your mouth before I clap back:

Ill for thee comes thy keenness of tongue, if the water I choose to wade; Louder, I ween, than a wolf thou cryest, if a blow of my hammer thou hast.

Odin replies by saying Thor’s wife is fucking another dude:

Sif has a lover at home, and him shouldst thou meet; More fitting it were on him to put forth thy strength.

The version we play out in game isn’t identical to the real-world poem, but carries some similarities; Thor’s threatening to cross the river to fight Odin as well as his boasting of slaying giants are present in each.
Ratatosk is the only other ‘real’ flyting enemy in Valhalla. While Odin doesn’t flyte with Ratatosk in Norse myth to my knowledge, the flyting against the squirrel is thematically accurate, at least.
Ratatosk’s purpose is to scramble up and down Yggdrasil, scurrying spoken messages from the eagle that sits at its peaks to the snake that slithers at its base. The nature of Ratatosk’s messages is in line with the act of flyting — the mischievous rodent carries falsehoods and aggressive statements to stir up drama and distrust between bird and serpent.
Flyting took place not only in poems and folklore, but in town squares and royal court. It was a facet of medieval life and social interaction. This weaving of prose then, in this time period, seemingly was just about as much of an admired skill as the swinging of a sword. It’s no wonder our unbreakable warrior Eivor is so proficient with word.
--
Like, really proficient with word.
I mean, I know it’s me choosing the dialogue options, but sheesh, is there anything she can’t do?
Actually, Eivor’s expertise in flyting is strange to me. It feels random and unearned — out of character, even. It comes more unexpectedly than Kendrick Lamar’s Not Like Us.
It probably only feels out of character, however, due to our modern understanding of proficiency with words versus proficiency with might. Our current interpretation of verbal ability compared to physical ability would perceive verbal ability as the ‘softer’ of the two skillsets. Physical strength is typically interpreted as tough and more dominant. You don’t expect to see an MMA fighter composing poetry, do you? The qualities that modern thought attributes to writing and physicality don’t mesh.
But in reality — and historically accurately in Valhalla — medieval warriors weren’t just blind berserkers. They were actually artists, poets and writers.
We’ve already demonstrated how Odin and Thor — Norse myth’s most famous warriors — carried out flyting. Thus, medieval Vikings would’ve surely done the same. Beyond Vikings though, the Illiad contains instances of public, ritualized abuse. Taunting songs are present in Inuit culture while Arabic poetry contains a form of flyting called naqa’id. Further, Japanese Samurai were known to be frequent composers of haiku, while Japanese culture also gave birth to Haikai, poetry in which vulgar satire and puns were wielded.
This historical accuracy ends up eliminating the randomness of Eivor’s flyting ability. Despite her verbal finesse feeling unearned, we can surmise historically that Eivor has practiced the wielding of words plenty in her life before we take over as the player. She’s dedicated time to this.
Now that we know why she has it, we can take a closer look at what it does for her.
--
So, Eivor can rap. She can match you with her axe or she can match you with her words. She’s just about unbeatable.
Her mastery of words demonstrates on some level that she’s not all Push Ups and might is right. She’s not all bruiser and bluster, burn and berserk. She’s an appreciator of the finer things — the more abstract, mental skills that require brain power, deftness and finesse.
This duality of strength and genius rounds out Eivor into a deeper, richer, more admirable character. More than just raw muscle in pursuit of glory, Eivor’s mastery of verse demonstrates her prioritizing not just her body, but her mind.
And it goes a long way for her.
Eivor can use her prowess with prose to progress past pointless plot points throughout Valhalla’s plethora of arcs and missions. It’s just a stat check in the end, but with enough practice flyting and enough charisma gained, Eivor unlocks new dialogue options that bend the world around her to her will.
Witch hunters in Eurvicscire on the brink of terrorizing Moira can be dispersed verbally rather than brawled or killed. There’s an entire riddle-solving fetch quest in Wincestre that can be skipped completely by telling King Aelfred’s abbot fuck off (figuratively). Eivor’s sharpening of her mind protects her body, saves her time, and allows her to frictionlessly fell her endeavors.
Her articulate advances don’t just alter her into admirability, they allow her to influence people and progression. With semantics from her mouth and twists from her tongue, Eivor can have her way whenever she wishes. In a game this large, I’m only left longing that the opportunity to make use of this charisma wasn’t relegated to niches.
Regardless, if medieval England is butter, Eivor’s tongue is the hot knife that behooves her move through her subduing more smoothly.
It all just goes to show that ̶m̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ flyte is right.

I'm looking to sell something to a buyer in Germany (personal sale, shouldn't be taxed) and I'm wondering whether after the payment the buyer can file a chargeback or something of the sort to the paid amount. I had a seller tell me that that's a scam method used on German 'ebay kleinanzeigen' but it seems like that's not possible?

As a chapter it is better than the previous one, there isn't that whole part with the multinational managed badly and in a rather childish way, just as there isn't the classic generic human villain. However, Wingard confirms that he does not have the slightest sense of the epic, he does not know how to give a mythology, a strength to the kaiju and the lore he creates. This is due to the timing that the director proves he really doesn't have, there's no breathing space, everything is fast, even the introduction of the Kaiju, including the new ones, has no emphasis, there's no intensity and in general there's a certain lack of eye, knowing how to construct iconic shots. Even when he tries, when he uses long shots showing the whole, the totality of the scenario or the moment from a glance, the final result is never memorable and not even Wingard himself seems to believe it as these moments are hyper fleeting. So the staging is standard, it's a film if the Russos or Col-Serra had directed it I don't think there would have been any differences and that's a bad thing. Skar King's entrance on the scene is too flat especially because we are talking about the main villain, I repeat, there is no visual power, just as there is no drama in the human section either. Jia's pivotal moment, for example, has no awareness, it has no narrative arc, he simply makes the gesture without the direction even building an expressive moment around it. The Iwi tribe is the same, you don't stop to understand how the tribe works, to explore it, to have some characters interact, everything is always fast. Personally I love the Showa era films so of course a Godzilla film doesn't have to be as serious as the recent Minus One, it plays a whole different league to Wingard's film, but the Showa films were the triumph of craftsmanship, Godzilla , the kaiju were deliberately funny, ironic, they were films for children, teenagers, who also gave worthy teachings, they had messages. The problem therefore is not Godzilla and Kong doing wrestling moves or Big G sleeping on the Colosseum, these things are fine and are fun moments of the film in Showa era style, the problem is that it is a bunch of CGI with a scene without actually visual flashes, clearly there are some better shots but overall it travels on the standard, with dynamics that then also deliberately go on the tamarro, which personally I always find it difficult to digest. For example, Mechagodzilla from '74 had a crazy plot and gimmicks, just like other films of the Showa era, where however the awakening of King Ceaser had its intensity, the direction took its time but like the other films of the it was Showa, the films were actually funny, here instead Wingard instills too much of the sensations of a super tamarra pumped up with CGI. Even in the Heisei era, there was still craftsmanship, but in addition to this, when it focused on emotions the films succeeded, Godzilla vs Biollante or Godzilla vs Destoroyah, they managed to trigger emotions, an aspect that Wingard instead always manages in a hasty and without actually even building it up too much. So a big toy all in CGI, without epic, without emphasis, without even who knows what visual and staging flashes, tastes too much like Marvel, and that's a bad thing. I love Godzilla very much, seeing him in films always makes me happy, seeing the clashes between the kaiju I always like but I really don't like Wingard's style. The references to the Showa era are fine, some moments are funny, but the film has that slightly tacky aftertaste, stuffed with CGI which clashes a bit with the spirit of the films Wingard wants to refer to

My husband and I have unfortunately racked up $25,000 in credit card debt in the last two years. Some of it was bad decisions or living outside our means and some of it was just bad luck and life circumstances. Regardless, it’s here now and we have to deal with it.
Personally, I think we need to sell our house to pay it off and get a lower mortgage and lower cost of living. Our mortgage went up $200 this past November because of a tax increase and I just found out our taxes are going to go up again every year for the next 5 years (that’s the plan the current board put out). We have about $150,000 of equity in our house. The only issue is that the housing market sucks so I’m not sure we’d even be able to find something less expensive that can accommodate us and I’ve heard renting is just as bad. We have three kids so I want to keep them in mind and I don’t want to just keep hauling them around moving them every few years.
My husband thinks we should do debt consolidation or bankruptcy but I said that doesn’t solve the issue that we can’t afford this house.
Is it crazy to sell? Are his options better? Is there something we’re missing?
Side note: I’ve been through our budget and even if we never eat out, cut streaming, or do anything extra, we only have about $200 extra per month and that’s paying the minimums on the cards. With random things like car repairs and medical bills popping up, it just doesn’t feel like enough to be able to pay it down.

Male aged 34)
I’m 6ft tall long legs short torso slim black hair receding hairline so yea I’m fucked
Never even touched a girl or spoke a word to or by one since 2012 and that was coworkers who treated me like shit compared to other dudes
I never leave the house now except going the store nearby at night with my hood up and snood covering my face partly and they’re fine with it.
2012-2015: world in a bar (Wetherspoons) it was great at first but then it went horrible. Women managers treating me like shit and bad mouthing me to the boss for nothing when the good looking guys could do no wrong and they’re all up their asses. Women customers 75% of the time were snobby and rude to me but when an attractive guy serves them they’re a different person.
***One girl in there even said to me ‘we had a vote who we girls in here would stay away from and we picked you’ and then giggled (summed my time in there up)
Guys were mostly good but I’d get the few ‘he’s an ugly bastard him’ comments when I walked away after serving them.
Even before I had that job I had a job advisor who treated me poorly and made 0 effort but put all the effort on to the prison hunky chads who sometimes were abusive
I left and only did stadium jobs (decent money from it) 2-3 times a week and that was great at first then I noticed things like when I try to help a woman/girl they act all ‘😒’ and roll their eyes at me
or avoid me and ask someone else further away for help was a regular occurrence
Had instances where a girl would be with her dad for example and he’s say something to her about me then she’d look over at me and grimace with a disgusted look on her face and he’d be laughing at her playfully
I’d go out thinking I’d look fine and we’ll and youthful even at 28 but I’d come back sitting still stiff for hours after some shifts at home :/
▪️even on here I asked about my hairline once on malehairadvice and one comment said ‘very very ugly male’ while another replied to him ‘lol yea he’s clearly balding and hideous as fuck by the way’
The pandemic came and I seen it a reason to not go out anymore
I now have a pink nose and I look even worse now
▪️I drink a 20cl bottle of scotch every night and smoke weed too (separately) as Iv nothing to look forward to.

Hello. I will try to keep this as fairly short as possible but it’s been a long journey!
2011 my parents separated, my father was verbally, emotionally, financially abusive so this divorce would not be an easy one. My parents had a property development business with a rough worth of about 4/5 million. Right from the start my mums solicitors promised to gain her financial income as my father had taken access away from her and taken all the vehicles. We was penniless and no means to get anywhere, this was the solicitors first promise.. to gain some financial security ( this never happened in 13 years ) the solicitors was working off the bases that they would gain their payment through the property they set to gain my mum through the divorce! . they never gained any income or maintenance funds for my mum and eventually she ended up severely sick and was in & out of hospital for 5 years due to the stress of the divorce! During this time the solicitors would start acting on mums behalf but when doing so they actually was taking advantage of a vulnerable woman and would constantly put her in a cornered situation all the time, whereby they forced her to sell property at a disgustingly low prices causing further loss ( we believe they was in bed with the person it was sold to) In the end they managed to gain roughly 80% of the properties but with that came the council tax and various other problems to a woman who’s only income is PIP. We are now at a place where our home and my sisters home ( one of my mums remaining properties) is about to be taken from us and rendering 7 of us ( 3 of whom are children with special needs) homeless, all this to cover their expenses that they themselves have ran up. With some of the property they retained they failed to secure the parking, thereby devaluing the property and refuse to fix this mistake even after we have proof they promised to recover it. they’ve taken everything they ever gained for for my mum and given it to themselves, we far worse off than before they entered our lives. We have proof of them constantly lying, backtracking on their promises and claims. Proof of them acting in negligence.
We are at a loss of what to do after continuous reaching out various solicitors for help but few willing to take it on! There has been so much injustice and I am sure I haven’t covered it even half or clearly! But I or my mother would be happy to answer any questions, we just are looking for help and guidance or maybe someone who knows the right person to help us. They have taken absolutely everything from us and now seek to make us homeless.. they was meant to gain us financial freedom but has left us in ruin.

One of the lesser known and discussed components to David Kibbe’s approach to developing an authentic personal style is his color system.
What I think is quite unique about his approach is that it is rooted in color theory. I know that sounds kind of obvious… aren’t all personal color systems rooted in color theory? Not quite in the same way, no.
To go back to the absolute basics of color theory we start with the foundational concept of Primary Colors; Red, Yellow and Blue. Where In color theory; Yellow is Warm, Blue is Cool and Red is Neutral.
Disclaimer: Yes! There’s such thing as a Warm Blue or a Cool Yellow. David gives every season their own version of Yellow and Blue. However, we’re referencing a *pure** version of these colors - not a blend.*
So when we say “cool toned” this means the colors have a blue base since blue is cool. The same can be said for the concept of “warm toned” which means the colors have a yellow base since yellow is warm.
Now, nobody’s skin tone is literally yellow (we’re not lemons) or literally blue (we are not lizards). We are a complex blend of pigments that create a unique mix of tones within our skin, hair and eyes. What we’re looking to determine with our personal coloring here is wether we have a blue (cool) or golden (warm) undertone. With our hair and eyes providing extra clues but our undertone being the most important factor to consider.
Before we launch into the **Metamorphosis excerpt on David’s approach to personal color, I would like to pause and remind us all, that, as with all things Kibbe, it bares reminding that it is essential we leave all prior ideas on colouring aside and approach this process with a sense of playful exploration and curiosity. Our personal coloring just as our Kibbe ID is part of what makes us uniquely beautiful. So it’s not about there being a “correct” or “incorrect” answer. It’s about celebrating what is innate to us.*

Discovering the magic of your coloring

So much has been written in recent years about your coloring and "having your colors done" that I simply can't take you through this journey without a brief detour in this often confusing area.
As a firm believer in the beauty of our natural coloring, I've always felt that it should be enhanced and prized as one of our greatest gifts from Nature. Since I could be described as one of the pioneers of the modern color movement, I've worked long and hard to educate the public about the possibilities and systems that exist to make working with your coloring easy, clear, exciting, and most of all, fun!
In the past few years, I've watched many variations spring up on the basic theme of personal color analysis. As in all extremely popular fields, some of the "new" variations are simply gimmicks de- signed to cash in on the latest fad, while others bear at least some validity.
For my money, however, the basic system of the seasonal color theory originally developed by Johannes Itten of the Bauhaus School is still far and away the most effective.
This theory divides your coloring into four basic categories named after the seasons, based on two parts of your genetic makeup: (1) the undertone of your skin, which is blue or golden and functions as the "base" of your coloring; and (2) the in- tensity of your coloring, which has to do with the type of "contrast" between your hair. skin, and eyes.
Simply put, your "season" is a general description of the type of coloring you inherited and the palette of colors that will enhance it. Each "season" represents a family of colors that consists of over two million shades within the palette. Here's a brief description of each:

Winter

Blue undertone to the skin. High-contrast coloring (distinct difference between the hair, skin, eyes).
Palette: Cool, clear colors. Blue-based shades with sharp intensity. A jewel-toned palette ranging from vivid colors to very pale, icy shades.
Person: The hair is usually dark (a solid color as opposed to visibly highlighted) with an ash base, and the skin and eyes are quite clear.
Celebrities: Elizabeth Taylor, Cher, Diahann Carroll, Connie Chung.

Summer

Blue undertone to the skin. Blended contrast (the hair, skin, eyes tend to blend together).
Palette: Cool, muted colors. Blue- based shades with a saturated intensity. A dusty palette ranging from pastels to very deep shades.
Person: The hair is usually medium dark to medium light (a dense color with a very subtle highlight) with an ash base, and the skin tone is saturated while the eyes are softly muted.
Celebrities: Grace Kelly, Queen Elizabeth, Jane Fonda.

Autumn

Golden undertone to the skin. Contrast is medium to high, but characterized by richness.
Palette: Warm, intense colors. Yellow based shades with a heavy saturation of richness. A fiery palette ranging from very vivid, hot shades to a few softly muted neutrals.
Person: The hair is usually a richly highlighted shade with a red base, ranging from very deep chestnut to fiery auburn to a very deep honey. The skin tone is rich and saturated (ranging from very pale to very deep) and the eyes are a mixture of marbelized color.
Celebrities: Natalie Wood, Ann-Margret, Diane Keaton, Katharine Hepburn, Shari Bela- fonte-Harper.

Spring

Golden undertone to the skin. Contrast is delicate, but sharp.
Palette: Warm and clear colors. Yellow based shades with a light, bright intensity. A vibrant pal ette ranging from very fresh, vivid shades to a few clear pales.
Person: The hair is usually a medium dense shade (with a subtle natural highlight) and a golden or red base, ranging from medium golden brown to strawberry to golden blond. The skin tone is clear and delicate, and the eyes are crisp.
Celebrities; Shirley MacLaine, Sissy Spacek, Vanessa Williams, Arlene Dahl, Eva Gabor.

Draping the Seasons

Question: How can I determine my "season"? Can I tell by just looking at myself in the mir ror? Can I tell by looking at the underside of my wrists?
Not really. The best way to objectively determine your season is with the help of three or four friends. To correctly determine your season, you've got to first determine both the undertone of your skin (blue or golden), and then the type of contrast between your hair, skin, and eyes. The only way to accurately do this is by a process called "draping," whereby you drape selected shades of fabric under your chin and compare the color of the fabric to the colors in your face. You cannot determine your undertone by simply looking at your wrist because you are merely viewing the "shade" of your skin tone, as opposed to the undertone or base coloration.
In the draping process, you discover your skin's undertone by an indirect method. The aim is to enhance the undertone of your skin by using a complementary base color from the selected fabric.
Here's how to do this: With a group of three or four friends, assemble the following large swaths of fabric:

Four shades of green:

a) a blue-based emerald green (clear and vivid)
b) a blue-based sen green (soft and dusty)
c) a yellow-based mossy green (rich and in- tense)
d) a yellow-based bright chartreuse (light and clear)

Four shades of red:

a) a blue-based scarlet (clear and vivid)
b) a blue-based dusty raspberry (soft and muted)
c) a yellow-based tomato (rich and intense)
d) a yellow-based bright poppy (light and clear)

Four shades of blue:

a) a blue-based royal (clear and vivid)
b) a blue-based cornflower (soft and dusty)
c) a yellow-based teal (rich and intense)
d) a yellow-based bright aqua (light and clear)

Four shades of pink:

a) a blue-based fuchsia (vivid and clear)
b) a blue-based dusty rose (soft and muted)
c) a yellow-based salmon (rich and intense)
d) a yellow-based bright coral (light and bright)
Now drape each other in these colors, following the order in which they're listed. As you're watching this process, be sure to focus on the person's face, not the color. (Remember, you're seeking to discover which color brings the person out, not sim- ply the color you like best.)
In the right shade, you'll watch the person's skin tone become smooth and clear; shadows will seem to miraculously disappear!
In the wrong shades, the color will reflect onto the person's face; you'll notice the color, not the person.
Have your friends vote on what they're seeing. You'll nearly always find the consensus of others to be correct. (Your own opinion may be somewhat prejudiced by color preferences and the thought of having to change your wardrobe!)
If the consensus is that the colors of group a tested best on you consistently, you are a "Winter." If the consensus is toward group b, you are a "Summer." If the consensus is toward group c, you are an "Autumn"; and if the consensus is toward group d, then you are a "Spring."
NOTE: It's very important to perform this draping ceremony in natural light, so be sure you work near a large window with good sun exposure. Also, if your hair has been artificially colored, or has any chemical processing on it such as perms or waves, be sure to cover it with a white turban or bandanna. This will prevent your altered haircolor from throwing any shadows on your face, which could result in a misanalysis. This is crucial in determining your season, so don't forgo it in the name of vanity! Since the skin tone is a much subtler color than your hair, it's very easy to simply match the shades of fabric to the hair, rather than to the complexion. Also, be sure you remove all traces of makeup before you begin!

Questions & Answers

Q. Can I be a mixture of seasons!
A. No, you cannot. It's genetically impossible! Each "season" refers to a specific type of coloring, of which there are only four. For example, you cannot have a mixture of a golden and a blue undertone. Since the undertone functions as the base of your skin tone, it determines whether the shade of skin you have is either warm or cool. A color can only have one base, whether it's skin color, haircolor, fabric, a cosmetic shade, or even the paint on your wall!
The basic law of abstract color theory states that the base of a color determines its shade. For example, a burgundy red has a blue base. It is this blue base that actually causes the shade to be burgundy instead of some other shade of red, say tomato red or rust. Likewise, a mossy green is caused by a yellow base, while an emerald green is emerald because its base is blue! Your skin tone is exactly the same. An olive skin is always caused by a blue undertone. That's why it's olive and not a tawny beige (which is caused by a golden undertone). On the other hand, an ivory skin tone has a golden base, which is what makes it ivory instead of porcelain (which is caused by a blue undertone). There isn't a single individual-dead, alive. or yet to be born who possesses a mixture of undertones. It simply can not happen!
Q. What about "intensity"? Can I be a mixture of the "cools" (WinteSummer) or the "warms" (Autumn/Spring)!
A. No, you cannot. As with the undertone, you have one type of intensity to your coloring. High contrast coloring needs clear shades to enhance and bring it out effectively. Blended coloring needs a saturation of color to allow the subtlety of your coloring to show through gracefully. Mixing the clear colors with the dusty tones only negates your particular type of coloring.
Moreover, the palettes themselves simply don't mix effectively when you translate them into clothing and cosmetics. If you were to try to create color combinations of the cool Winter and Summer palettes, for example, you would never be able to effectively combine the jewel tones of Winter with the elegantly dusty shades of Summer. Since the palettes are of opposing intensities, the shades themselves are not at all complementary. Any resulting outfits of clothing would simply be a hodgepodge of mismatched colors!
Even more disasterous would be an attempt to mix the tones in cosmetics. For a makeup to be successful, you absolutely must keep all the colors on your face in one family of color, both in terms of the base and the intensity. Mixing them is akin to wearing a shocking pink blouse with a bright orange lipstick! While the result might not always be this glaring, opposite color families do not blend together!
Q. But I've had my colors done "professionally," and I was told I'm a mixture. Why would that have happened?
A. Basically, that means one of two things. Either you were analyzed incorrectly, which is, unfortunately, becoming quite common because of improper training and a lack of experience among color consultants, or it's simply a question of semantics.
Frequently, in an effort to delineate among the specific shades that you can actually wear effectively (be cause of the variations in individual skin tone, hair, and eye colors that exist within a season), color consult ants have attempted to make your palette as specific to you as possible. This sometimes manifests in your being labeled a mixture of seasons or having a "subseason." While this is technically incorrect, since the colors within the seasonal palettes do not actually blend with the other palettes, the result is usually a way of defining the range of shades within your season that appear most exciting on you.
From my experience, based on analyzing thousands of clients over a number of years, I simply find it too inaccurate and confusing to try to suggest to my clients that they "mix" the palettes. It's not helpful in a practical sense, for it doesn't actually add any colors that they can effectively work with in clothing, cosmetics, or haircolor. And, since it's technically incorrect, as I previously stated, I find that the clients who come to our salon with a "mixture" of colors nearly always have either a diluted appearance, in terms of focus, or they have a lot of mistakes hanging in their closets! Can my "contrast" change with age?
Q. What about as my hair turns gray? Does this change my season?
A. No, your season never changes with age, or anything else! As your hair begins to gray, Nature is not only changing your haircolor, but is also changing your skin tone and eyes at the same time. The balance among these three elements always remains the same. For example, if you're a mature Vivid Winter, like actress Bea Arthur, the balance among your haiskin/eyes is best described as high contrast. You have a vivid haircolor, a fair skin, and an intense eye color. True, your haircolor is not the same as when you were twenty years old, when it was probably a deep brunette, but you've maintained the high contrast coloring you were born with. As your hair began to gray, it didn't turn a dull or mousy shade of gray, but rather went a brilliant silver, didn't it? Your skin and eyes have actually gotten lighter at the same time, even though this difference is probably imperceptible to you. Do yone that your high contrast has not changed at all! You still have a vivid haircolor, a fair skin, and an in- ten eye color. Your balance has remained the same! You are still a Vivid Winter, and the colors that focus your specific coloring are still cool and clear!
Whatever your season, Nature created your haiskin/eyes as a unit. They always change together, and the balance among them never changes That's why your season never changes!
Q. Does my season have anything to do with style? For example, I read somewhere that Winters should stick to solids and geometrics, while Autumns are very good in tweeds and textures.
A. Not in the least! Having your colors done has absolutely nothing to do with anything other than determining what your skin tone is and which palette of colors to work with to enhance it. It tells you nothing more specific than the range of colors to use. Your specific clothing choices (including fabrics and textures, as well as shapes and lines), makeup shades, and haircolor range all come from developing your personal style through discovering your Image Identity.
For example, Autumns are frequently told to concentrate on use of textures in their wardrobe. Yet Ann-Margret is a Fiery Autumn, but as a Theatrical Romantic, I'd much rather see her in silks, satins, angora, and se quins than rough textures or tweeds any day of the year!
Having your colors done can be a wonderful and exciting addition to your life, and I highly recommend it when it's properly executed. Just be careful not to give it more importance than it's worth. Your coloring is only one part of you - it's worthy of being carefully looked at, but only within the contest of your total look.

Now I’m sure for those of us who are more visual the written descriptions of these colors can be ultra confusing! Unfortunately we can not share the seasonal palettes David has created. However, the palettes as well as a wealth of additional information on the sub seasons, additional celebrities as well as the three make up palettes for each season etc. can be accessed within the Four Season Freedom Facebook Group.
My personal tip is to get a good grasp on basic color theory by understanding what blue based vs yellow based colors look like. A really creative and explorative way to approach this is by getting some paints out and mixing the tones to see how blue (cool) with added yellow (warm) transforms into a warm blue. (Please ensure you use a true Yellow, a true Blue, a true Red, a true Black and a true White).
The goal of the system isn’t to just wear the colors David has in his seasonal palettes - it’s to use these as a jumping off point. So, that you can then take the concept of your coloring and have the ability to intuitively identify colors that harmonise with you rather than pull out a palette on your phone every time you go clothes or make up shopping!
Each season can be quickly understood by what it’s characteristics evoke:

Winter (Cool) is Jewel

Spring (Warm) is Vibrant

Summer (Cool) is Lush

Autumn (Warm) is Fiery

A quick disclaimer!! No season gets boring muted colors. Everyone gets beautifully saturated colors! You won’t see the sad, drab and dull tones often seen in other seasonal color systems here! For example Summer is Lush in tone not muted and Autumn is fiery in tone, again not muted In any sense if the word.

Let’s talk about the defining characteristics tied to certain seasons

I want to preface this part, by reminding us all that much like our Kibbe ID, we are born with the innate characteristics we have ; we are who we are meant to be! And so it’s never a case of being relegated to certain IDs or color seasons based on certain characteristics. But, instead we are embarking on the journey to discover what has always been there with the objective of achieving harmony with ourselves and in doing so bringing out our unique beauty.
Brown eyes Brown eyes are a feature of high contrast coloring and therefore will always be a high contrast season; Autumn or Winter.
Naturally Ginger / Red hair Ginger / Red hair is a warm color (a mix of a golden base with added red) and therefore will always be a warm season; Spring or Autumn.
An Olive undertone Olive is always caused by a blue undertone, therefore it will always be Winter.
Naturally Blonde hair Blonde hair can be any season except for Winter which requires a high level of contrast between the features; Skin/HaiEyes.
The Color Black Black is considered a cool tone that casts a shade on its surrounds, due to its depth of contrast is only given to Winters as with Winters it enhances the clarity of coloring whether-as with all other seasons it muddies their coloring.
The Color White White, on the other hand is universally given to all seasons as it is considered a neutral.

As a student navigating the ever-evolving landscape of academia, I've often found myself overwhelmed by the sheer volume of essays and assignments that pile up on my desk. It's during these moments of academic stress that I've turned to innovative solutions, one of which is the utilization of AI essay writers. In this article, I'll delve into the advantages and disadvantages of employing such technology, drawing from my own experiences and research.
First and foremost, the primary allure of AI essay writers is their ability to streamline the writing process. These programs are equipped with advanced algorithms capable of generating coherent and well-structured essays on a variety of topics in a matter of minutes. This can be a game-changer for students facing tight deadlines or struggling to articulate their thoughts effectively.
Furthermore, AI essay writers can serve as invaluable learning tools. By analyzing the essays produced by these programs, students can gain insights into effective writing techniques, formatting styles, and even subject matter expertise. It's akin to having a virtual writing mentor at your disposal, offering guidance and constructive feedback whenever needed.
Another notable advantage of AI essay writers is their potential to reduce academic pressure. For students juggling multiple responsibilities, such as part-time jobs or extracurricular activities, the ability to offload some of the writing workload to AI can alleviate stress and free up valuable time for other pursuits.
However, it's essential to acknowledge the limitations and potential drawbacks of relying too heavily on AI essay writers. One significant concern is the risk of plagiarism. While these programs are designed to generate original content, there's always a chance that the output could resemble existing material, leading to accusations of academic dishonesty.
Moreover, there's a danger of dependency on AI essay writers inhibiting students' own writing development. Writing is a skill that improves with practice, and by bypassing the effort required to craft essays manually, students may miss out on valuable learning opportunities.
Additionally, there's the issue of cost. While some AI essay writing services may offer free or low-cost options, others come with subscription fees or pay-per-use pricing models, which can quickly add up for budget-conscious students.
In conclusion, the decision to use an AI essay writer is a personal one, contingent on individual circumstances and preferences. While these tools undeniably offer convenience, efficiency, and potential learning benefits, they also pose risks such as plagiarism, stunted writing growth, and financial investment. As with any academic resource, it's crucial to approach AI essay writers with caution and use them judiciously, supplementing rather than replacing traditional writing practices.
For those considering utilizing such services, I would recommend exploring reputable platforms like SharkWriter.ai, which prioritize quality, originality, and user satisfaction. However, I urge fellow students to exercise diligence, maintain academic integrity, and view AI essay writers as supplements rather than substitutes for their own writing efforts.

With Sunday and the Dreammaster's plan being your classic Lotus-Eater Machine plan, with Ena's Dream of Order being the forced paradise onto everyone type of deal, I was wondering how people thought it compares to similar schemes in media. Now that we had a little time to digest it.
It's a pretty common trope these days, but I will say I was surprised Honkai Star Rail pulled this one off so early in its plotline. Usually these kind of schemes are THE end goal that concludes the entire storyline of a series, rather than it being a singular arc.
For some examples in other series I can think of off the top of my head:

• Naruto with the Infinite Tsukuyomi (probably what most people here would be familiar with)
• Negima with Cosmo Entellecheia (probably one of the best long term executions of the idea imo)
• Code Geass with the Ragnarok Connection
• Honkai Impact 3rd's multiple variations of the idea
• Persona 5 had two different angles of it
• Madoka Rebellion
• Final Fantasy Tactics Advance had this as the central plot conflict
• And countless other examples across all sorts of media.

Personally I thought given the limitations they had to work with, it was pretty well-done for the most part. The end goal was something a lot of folks called the moment Penacony was revealed as a dreamscape. Since that sort of setting is just prime material for this sort of thing. But I think what sets out Star Rail's version of this is the way it tied in with "heart" of the protagonists so to speak. That they centered everything so well with the ethos of Trailblazing through Mikhail and the Astral Express crew to clash with the vision of Order turned what could have easily been a pretty standard "No bad guy, people shouldn't stay in dreams, they need to live in reality!" hero debate into something genuinely compelling with themes particular to this game.
It also helps that they did a pretty damn good job of fleshing out Sunday as a character, and his voicelines in the final boss fight (particularly his spin on the Book of Genesis in the final phase) really put some other antagonists (not necessarily villains mind, there's a difference) to shame. And I really liked all the more subtle elements they used to convey this narrative, like Sunday appearing as a Conductor that guides people to his idea of happiness, while Mikhail and the Trailblaze was represntted via a clock/compass that just nudged people in the right direction, rather than dictate where they must go. I always appreciate a story that doesn't insult the audiences' intelligence and lets folks read between the lines. Despite some bugbears I have here and there, I think everything was tied together pretty nicely overall.
So I'd say it's better than a good number of other attempts, but not quite up there with say Cosmo Entellecheia from Negima. But that's with the caveat that we're comparing a manga that had literal years to build up to that plotpoint, while Honkai Star Rail had maybe 18ish hours to sell it to the player. So I think you have to give them credit for what they had to work with.
So what do you guys think of Star Rail's execution of it? Enjoyed it, didn't enjoy it? What do you think was done well, and what do you think could have been improved?

Hi Tankers,
I usually don't post often about games, but I have to admit, WOT is my game. I have more than 53.000 battles and would consider myself a good player (3060 WN8).
I really like the game and the gameplay. It looks simple, but under the surface lies a lot of complexity, that once learned and grasped rewards you in big ways.
A huge part of that complexity is the theoretically large amount of tanks that can face each other in a battle and how they interact with their strengths and weaknesses on different maps.
However, do you also feel, that the game turned from "World of Tanks" more and more to "World of Premium Tanks" or even more limited to "World of Bourrasque/Progetto/BZ/ELC"?
I get it, playing with powerful tanks is fun. Dealing damage is fun, winning is fun. However, I myself really enjoy playing underwhelming tanks as well. For example I recently marked the Black Prince. While it was not the greatest experience I ever had, it was not horrible either. It was new. Low alpha and slow, but a lot of HP to bully enemies face to face. I had to make it work and for me that was part of the fun - you may call it a challenge.
How can we deal with the problem, that especially new or weaker players not only get the impression, that they would perform better and win more in tanks like the BZ, they also have the advantage of playing in a premium tank making more credits than they would when playing the tech-tree counterpart.
The same is of course true for experienced players and unicums who push these tanks to their limits making it very hard for other players to get an enjoyment out of resulting one-sided rounds.
So to bring more variety to the queue, I would suggest, that WG creates a daily or weekly mission or set of missions for a random tech-tree tank of all available tech-tree tanks - not necessarly researched or in the garage (starting from Tier 5 or 6). Of course, it would have to be random for each player individually. It would not even have to be completely random, WG has data which tanks are played the least and which are played the most tier for tier. They could let that flow in the RNG for which tank is chosen for the missions.
I was thinking about making it that only a tank could be chosen for a player that has already been researched or even is in the garage, but I realized, that would actually punish players with a larger garage and would lead to players only researching the best TT lines and would not help the problem at all. So it has to be a random pick from all researchable tanks (from tier 5 or 6 upwards).
Now I realize this would have to be implemented with thought. To prevent just clicking in the queue and wasting your tank the missions would have to have some moderate requirements, like be top 5 or 7 exp of your team. But make the rewards worthwhile enough so that players might even be incentivized to research more tank lines or even buy back some tanks to get a higher chance to participate.
What rewards would you consider appropriate enough to be motivated to play a tank that you normally would not play?
I also was realizing that with the crew changes my idea is way more player friendly than it would be before. You can now use any crew for your tank. Sure, their perks might not work but if you set the mission requirements not too high, you should stil be able to have a decent round with a normal 100% crew.
For WG it would be good, because players would strive after researching more tanks (gold-to-xp) and buying more tanks for silver (more games and/or buying gold/silver from WG).
For the players it would be good, because the game could widen more. The experience would get much broader again. As a counterpoint, you might argue, that it gets more complicated for newer players, when they have to face on average a much wider amount of opposing vehicles than before, memorizing their guns and weak spots etc. On the other hand most of the tech-tree tanks still are less powerful than their premium counterparts nowadays, so if I was a new player I would rather face a Tiger II than a BZ-176.
What do you all think? Would you personally like to see more variety again, especially more tech-tree tanks in the tiers 6-8 and more non-meta tanks in the tiers 9-10?

I have been dating my partner for about 2.5 years, living together for about 9 months. We've had some ups and downs- nothing breakup worthy- but we've both had some significantly tough times. Given some recent events in our life, I would like some advice as to whether or not I'm being realistic in terms of my expectations of him and our relationship.
My partner's Dad was hospitalized in January for a cardiac episode. He was released after 5 days and during the follow up appointments, it was discovered that he had colon cancer. He had surgery that removed the tumor in late April. During the surgery, they removed 26 lymph nodes and sent them out for testing. 1 of nodes came back positive for stage 3 cancer cells. The oncologist said his best course of action would be chemo to rule out any additional cancer cells that may exist before they become a bigger issue. He'll be starting chemo in early June. My partner is understandably negatively affected by this diagnosis. For context, his Mom survived breast cancer about 12 years ago, during which time my partner was her primary caregiver, but his best friend's father just died from cancer 3 weeks ago. The best friend's father went from totally fine, to diagnosis, to dead in less than a month. It was brutal. Partner's father is not in the best shape health wise, and quite frankly, my partner is anticipating a poor outcome from the chemo/cancer. I'm trying to be positive and supportive for the family, but it's taking its toll on all of them, as is to be anticipated.
As this whole thing has been happening, my partner has been going through it in terms of his mental health. He's struggled with depression and panic attacks for most of his adult life. He's been on an antidepressant for years. After his father was hospitalized in January, he was temporarily laid off from his job because of his poor work performance. The company basically told him they wouldn't let him return to work until he started therapy and got his shit together. He started seeing a therapist in February and started Adderall for his ADHD in March. It's been better in the sense that's he's more communicative with me, seems to be on a bit of a better schedule, etc. He started back to work on May 1st. Going back to work has been pretty good- he likes his new position and his schedule is much more consistent now, so that's good.
This entire time, I've been supporting our household financially as he completely drained his small emergency fund in less than 5 weeks. Financially, we are total opposites, and it stresses me out! I have 150K in savings/retirement, and he has only a couple grand saved and nothing in retirement. We've been talking about getting married, but in December (before this whole ordeal even started) we had a conversation where I ultimately told him marriage was off the table until he's financially in a better position, and he'd agreed to open retirement accounts and asked me to help him budget etc., but this was before the whole cancer- laid off- therapy thing even started. We haven't really discussed it much since.
Some of the other issues that we continue to have is that he's generally unable to remember to do any tasks unless I remind him incessantly (as in, tell him multiple times, text him, call him, etc.) Tasks would include: taking out the trash, putting away his vapes so the dog can't get to them, brushing his teeth, putting laundry in the basket, picking up his wet bath towels, etc.
The biggest one that bothers me is his lack of consistency after I go to bed. He's a night owl and stays up late, which is fine, but he'll (more often than not), pass out on the couch with the lights on, the TV on, the computer playing a video, food and drinks all over the living room, didn't brush his teeth, etc. I wake up naturally a lot throughout the night so then I either go get him from the living room, basically force him to brush his teeth and get in bed, and then have to deal with the mess/electronics myself at whatever ungodly hour it is OR just leave everything as is and go back to sleep. If I do that, I still have to deal with all of those things when I wake up at 5 am with the dog and get ready to go to work- she's a puppy who's excitable and it's so much easier on me if he's in the bedroom in the morning so she'll stay focused on me and I don't have to worry about her getting to his vapes, food, drinks, etc.
As a side note, the fact that his oral health is so poor is disgusting to me. I've already set a strong boundary that I will refuse to kiss or be intimate with him unless he's brushed his teeth at least once per day. He's a very touchy person that likes physical affection, so it's tough for him that I refuse to kiss him unless his teeth are brushed, but it's generally pretty effective in helping him to remember to brush them. At least, it was until January.
I want to be clear that our communication is pretty good, and all of the boundaries I have/expectations I've set are things we've talked about and agreed upon together. These are all areas in which he agreed and often he was the one to suggest that he needs to work on. I also didn't mention the areas I've agreed to work on within myself, but there are a few.
Given the things happening with his Dad, I feel like an asshole pushing him to be better with his finances, health, and chores, but I also don't think I can deal with these things NOT getting worked on for the next 8-12 months (the projected length of his Dad's treatment). So- what's the balance? How can I support him through this which pushing us to work on our relationship? Or, is it totally unrealistic to expect that right now? I know I want to have a conversation with him about our foreseeable future but I want to be realistic as to what I can/should ask of him. So- what do you think?
Edit: For context, my partner would like to be engaged by the end of the year. He'd been saving for a ring/wedding prior to getting laid off. I pushed pause on that plan because I was uncomfortable with his lack of financial stability and generally felt that he did not pull his weight of the household responsibilities. He agreed to work on these things before taking the next step. He still wants to propose this year, despite what's happened.