Best ladies jack offs

Throwaway because idk if they'll see this or not. I just really need to get this off my chest somewhere. Sorry for format I'm on my phone.
My online friend of almost a decade is 21. She is one of those people who believes in the good in everyone and gnores red flags in relationships. So she doesn't have the best relationship experiences. Horrible history with them. I have helped her realize those red flags before it was too late before, but this time it's different.
When her ex boyfriend/best friend died and her current boyfriend dumped her, she was having trouble grieving and was making bad choices. Avoiding the situation.
One night she got high, went on bumble and matched with man who was 45 (she was 20) matched with her. In her words basically he thought she was older, and she thought he was younger. She wasn't looking for a relationship or a hook up and he said the same. Alarm bells ringing in my head as I know exactly what is happening because, I and many sadly went through the same. Despite being "only friends" they ended up "falling for each other" and he took her virginity. Which was a HUGE deal.
I recognized all of the signs. The trauma I have from my own experiences caused a fight between me and the dude as well as a a falling out between my friend and I. Thinking I was just projecting I did some serious work on myself; learned how to take responsibility and how to control my triggers.
A couple months went by, I reached out to tell her I was sorry and explain why I acted that way, which she knew already. She knows everything about me and my entire life and I know hers. I also gave her the reality of him and her. Letting her know how common it is for older men to prey upon younger women who are vulnerable and manipulate and take advantage of them and groom them. She accepted my apology. We made up and she let me know me they were broken up and she was talking to someone. Ngl I was relieved.
When catching about about the months we weren't talking she mentioned something about him almost taking her life. Not anything specific, just that she was almost murdered. She let me know that she said she didn't want to talk about it or say anything more about it, which I respected and didn't pry. She was alive safe that's all really mattered. She did reference that situation once after that but never anything other than she almost was killed. Everything seemed fine. I was wrong.
A month later she calls me crying and it slips out she has a boyfriend. When asked why she didn't tell me she had a boyfriend she said "because I didn't want you to be mad at me for being in a relationship" which made no sense because her and I both know that's not the case ever. I was never mad in the first place, just worried. That was acknowledged when we started talking again. I let it pass after because there was more important things going on. I did ask after why she thought I would be mad but was left on read.
A couple weeks later everything is fine. She calls me and we talk about a celebrity that did something to get them in major trouble. Talking about how immature that celebrity was acting, she mentions how her boyfriend agrees and is way older than said celebrity. I hoped it wasn't the same guy but she slipped out his name and it made sense why she thought I get mad at her when she is in a relationship. My heart broke because I knew he got to her again.
Not long ago she randomly mentions her fiancé and then says boyfriend. I'm shocked and asked her what she meant by fiancé? She then let's me know how she's getting married and that she's engaged. Tells me how they decided not to get legally married though. I can be fine with that but it was the fact that I wasn't the first person she told after she got engaged. I try not to say anything and accept it and convince myself it's probably not that bad it's only my trauma making me think that.
Skip to today, after talking on the phone I text her saying I'm ok with his age and why. Her response was not how she would respond, it wasn't how she texts if you know what I mean. She knows everything about me including the trauma related to why I'm ok with his age. So her rude dismissive response was not like her at all and I know he was responding for. It's most likely he told her to hang up when she did.
I know I can't say anything to her. I can tell it's too late. If she's not even talking about her own wedding with me and when we talk it's only phone calls and texts. When we usually video chat. Her fiancé came into the room while we were on the phone because she said "hi babe how was work" and that voice recognized replied. We continue our conversation and I'm apparently on speaker. He randomly joins the conversation and I knew it was too late.
If it makes this any more understandable at all I am a male, I'm bi which he knows and I'm in my early 20's.

As the title says. I want to play solo self found, so it's going to be tough getting everything. I won't have access to things like high runes right out the gate or people to trade with.
I will need to muster up the best gear I can farm and scrape by as best I can. So I'm curious what class and spec for that class is the absolute best at going from nothing to Chaos, Baal, Ubers and Dclone completely solo the fastest even if the gear has to be scuffed. What class/spec can pull it off the easiest?
I've been playing Project Diablo 2, but that game, while I love love love it, is a lot easier to get into hell and start wrecking everything no matter what class you are since there are more builds and synergies!
Surely there is ONE single class/spec that is just miles ahead of the rest?
If not, then tell me all your favorite specs to go at the start of a season!
Basically I want to get into Dclone/uber tristram right away. As quick as possible so I can get those anni's and torches! :)

‘13 Honda Pilot front end issue
I have a 13 pilot with zero history of issues, original owner, just about to hit 200k on the clock.
About a year ago, my daughter hit a big pot hole, after that, it seemed to wander over the road.
My local mechanic diagnosed left lower control arm. Replaced and it got better but not fixed either.
Replaced all tires, got an alignment and I’m still experiencing issues.
Best I can describe, under acceleration, it kind of pulls to one side, and when I get off the accelerator, it pulls back ( or corrects ) to the right.
My local mechanic has treated me like a family member, but there are some things he’s just not proficient at.
Any ideas or recommendations before I lose a kidney at the stealership?
FYI- I work from home, rarely drive anywhere, but do take the occasional long trip, and it just feels like something is wrong.
Thank you for your help.

I feel a sense of accomplishment and other emotions today, thinking back on the bad and good choices I've made to get to this point, and how this will change future behaviors and habits. I ran up a lot of debt on credit cards via cash advances gambling, and brushed it all aside since I was getting raises/bonuses at work pretty regularly, but it was never enough to keep up with my problem there. Getting divorced (surprisingly not related to this situation) really got me to the point I needed to file though, as I was essentially paying for two households at that point, and couldn't keep up with even min payments on all the debt.
But I wised up, found a good ch 13 lawyer who knew the local system/trustees/etc, and followed the lawyer's advice, word for word.
Now the waiting game to get the discharge complete paperwork. 60 months later, it started off slow but flew by the last couple years. Once you adjust you get used to it and keep looking at the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.
Lessons learned...
You really re-learn how to deal with money, it forces you to. Not sure if 5 years is necessary, I probably could have "figured it out" in 6-12 months, but I get they want to get as much of their $ back as they can. But re-framing how you see money is the real goal here, right? I get some people will get discharged and go right back to doing whatever they did before, but I think this is the main lesson learned.
It's been an interesting 5 years, especially since I've gotten numerous raises and bonuses (most of which never saw my bank account) - that's been the hardest part for me. I would have liked to have taken the family on some nicer vacations or upgraded some things at home, but, I get the way this works.
My lawyer set me up with the TFS auto-payment system, instead of getting a wage order at work, so as not to potentially draw attention to the bankruptcy, and it was very easy. Just like an auto-payment coming out of my checking account the same day every month, plus a few bucks tacked on for convenience factor. If you work in a job where reputation is important, you may want to consider this and ask your lawyer if it is possible to use TFS instead of garnishing wages. I know the lawyer had to make the motion/request/whatever it's called and get that approved early on in the payment plan after I had been making direct/manual payments through the trustee's website up til that point.
Overall it was the best choice given my circumstances - which I will hopefully never need to deal with again.
Now on to buying a house...

As the title says. I want to play solo self found, so it's going to be tough getting everything. I won't have access to things like high runes right out the gate or people to trade with.
I will need to muster up the best gear I can farm and scrape by as best I can. So I'm curious what class and spec for that class is the absolute best at going from nothing to Chaos, Baal, Ubers and Dclone completely solo the fastest even if the gear has to be scuffed. What class/spec can pull it off the easiest?
I've been playing Project Diablo 2, but that game, while I love love love it, is a lot easier to get into hell and start wrecking everything no matter what class you are since there are more builds and synergies!
Surely there is ONE single class/spec that is just miles ahead of the rest?
If not, then tell me all your favorite specs to go at the start of a season!
Basically I want to get into Dclone/uber tristram right away. As quick as possible so I can get those anni's and torches! :)

I (30 F) have a second date coming up with this week with a pretty fun, easy going guy (26). On our first date we were joking about who can make the best espresso martini. So for our second date we are going to cook a meal together (we both love cooking!) and have a lil competition on who can make the drink better. I need advice on what to wager for whoever wins. I’m open to something flirty, as I don’t want to give off too much of a friend/bro vibe. Thanks!

TW: Transphobia, homophobia etc.
I'm honestly so damn tired of people "speaking out" against things they have no clue about. I also get SUPER fucking annoyed at labels or little things people tick off like a check box on if someone is "woke" or whatever.
Let people be people. Who care if that person is on hormones, who cares if that dude fucks other dudes, who cares if that lady across the road is an asexual with died hair and "pronouns"
Who CARES! I know Facebook is a horrible app, but I get on every so often and just scroll happy videos. People can't go ONE comment section without spewing hate. Why do people have so much hate???
I don't get it and I don't think I will ever get it. Every single person is just as important as you are. Treat them as though they are your siblings or children. Be respectful of EVERYONE!!! How is that mindset hard? I honestly want to cry at the state of the world. I see people suffering with being so hateful or being on the other end of that hate and i can't understand why.

Helloo,
I had something weird happen today kind of. There was an ophthalmology case and during OR turnover I went in to the room to help the other scrub tech clean up. She had already taken all the sharps off the table and needles, so I went to grab the cataract phaco tool set, and I only touched the side of the plastic and felt something sharp hit my hand. I am not sure what it was but it poked through my skin and I started to bleed which was really confusing cause there was nothing sharp on the table and I trust the lady who was scrubbing as shes been scrubbing for 30+ years, and always covers her needles, as well as I checked the table myself and saw nothing that could’ve poked me but what sucks is the guy was hepatitus c positive, so I started the process of getting my blood drawn.
She had already thrown all the sharps in the red bin before I even touched the table so I am not sure
But her and I were so confused and are pretty sure nothing he came in contact couldve poked me but any ideas? Or like what are the chances I can get hep c, I put on gloves before I touched anything on the table so theres that info too

"Jett Reno shines with sarcasm and humor in Star Trek: Discovery, making her a standout character despite limited screen time. Reno's colorful past includes smuggling and survival, adding layers to her character and making her even more intriguing. With the possibility of appearing in future Trek projects, Reno's memorable presence may continue to delight fans."
Rachel Hulshult (ScreenRant)
Link:
https://screenrant.com/star-trek-discovery-tig-notaro-jett-reno-great-characte
Quotes/Excerpts:
"Introduced in Star Trek: Discovery season 2 premiere, Reno joined the crew of the USS Discovery after she was rescued from the wreck of the medical frigate, the USS Hiawatha. Since then, Reno has served in engineering, helping Commander Paul Stamets (Anthony Rapp) keep the Crossfield Class starship up and running.
Star Trek: Discovery season 5, episode 7, "Erigah" revealed more about Reno's past, which apparently includes working as a bartender, a shuttle pilot, and a smuggler, among others. While Lt. Sylvia Tilly (Mary Wiseman) and Ensign Adira Tal (Blu del Barrio) work to decipher the final Progenitors' clue, they seek information from Reno. Always busy working on the ship, Reno walks and talks, revealing pieces of her fascinating history. [...]
Comedian and actor Tig Notaro has imbued Reno with so much personality, that she makes a big impression with a small amount of screen time. [...]
Despite the trauma Reno has experienced, including losing her Soyousian wife during the Klingon War, she remains a breath of fresh air among the crew. Her no-nonsense attitude and ability to take every situation in stride make Jett an invaluable addition to the USS Discovery, and she's helped save the ship on multiple occasions. In some ways, Reno's sense of humor feels like a callback to Star Trek: The Original Series and Dr. Leonard McCoy's (DeForest Kelley) lovable irascibility. Although Reno only pops up a few episodes per Star Trek: Discovery season, her commentary and interactions with the other characters are often the highlight of the episode.
As revealed in Star Trek: Discovery's "Erigah," Commander Reno worked several different jobs before joining Starfleet. As Tilly and Adira search for answers about the last of the Progenitors' five clues, they learn Reno used to work with rare manuscripts. When they ask Jett about it, she replies that she "may have padded [her] résumé with that one." In reality, Reno smuggled old manuscripts. At Tilly's surprise, Reno lists off numerous "odd jobs" she had before Starfleet, including: "VIP shuttle pilot, deep mercury welder, [and] bartender at a cozy little dive on Ashalon Four."
This history fits Jett Reno perfectly, and she has added even more fantastical experiences to her life's story since joining the USS Discovery. Not only has she survived a starship crash and been stranded for nearly a year, but she has also traveled 930 years into the future. In Star Trek:Discovery season 4, Reno was abducted by Dr. Ruon Tarka (Shawn Doyle) when she caught him sabotaging Discovery. Reno helped convince Cleveland Booker (David Ajala) that he had chosen the wrong side, and escaped Tarka's force field prison using black licorice and a spare communicator chip.
With the upcoming Star Trek: Discovery spin-off, Star Trek: Starfleet Academy, the possibility remains open for Commander Reno or any other Discovery character to appear in the new series. While Reno doesn't seem a likely candidate for teaching Starfleet cadets, she would make a hilariously perfect guest lecturer. Considering this is Star Trek, there is also the possibility that time travel or some other science fiction solution could send Reno to one of the other ongoing Trek series. (If Ensigns Brad Boimler (Jack Quaid) and Beckett Mariner (Tawny Newsome) can cross over from Star Trek: Lower Decks to the live-action Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, then anything is possible.)
[...]
Whether or not Jett Reno appears in any future Star Trek projects, she remains one of Star Trek: Discovery's most memorable characters."
Rachel Hulshult (ScreenRant)
Link:
https://screenrant.com/star-trek-discovery-tig-notaro-jett-reno-great-characte

Me (M38) and lets call her Amy (F31) worked together for a few months, I then left a toxic relationship and moved back home over 800 miles away. about a year later we briefly reconnected. I had always liked her and been attracted to her but since we were both in relationships there was nothing between us other than friendly banter at work. over a year after i had left we re-connected on social media. we had fun conversation and she gave me her number. this led to a few long Face-time calls and more chats, sending funny gifs and cards at Christmas which at a certain point stopped. I was disappointed but due to distance i let it go. about a year later she reached out again which led to a similar experience. then a few months later she reached out again because she was going for a promotion at work I had recently gotten myself. we talked about it and i gave her encouragement and then once again, there was radio silence. It hurt a bit more this time but, again, i let it go. I had oddly enough gotten a sweet Christmas card from her but she didn't respond to my thank you text. Then this year she reached out a final time. Turns out the whole time we had talked and stopped and talked and stopped, she had a partner. She had stopped those other times out of respect for him but they had broken up recently AND she had gotten the promotion so she wanted to thank me and apologize. From there it started again, the calls, the texts all of it. We eventually got to the point where we told each other we liked the other. That she had had a crush on me back then but nothing had happened. She was so complimentary about my looks and personality and I always felt that what she said and felt was real and strong, I also tried to express I felt the same way. since then we've texted almost everyday, talked about anything and everything, sent each other funny posts all of the good stuff. This led to her inviting me to a party for work in a few months, which as crazy as it seems, I said yes to. Then as time passed and we expressed frustration about not being able to see each other and i threw out the idea of meeting halfway for a weekend. She was enthusiastic, as was I. Well shortly before the date we were to meet up i sensed a bit of distance, but she let me know it was nothing and was sorry, and continued to be enthusiastic up to the day. Well last week was the day. We met and spent about 16 hours together, we had lunch and diner, visited a weird museum and stayed in a cool airBNB. we slept together, which i admit was not my best work due to nerves and well probably age on my part but we were sweet with each other and i was happy to finally get to be around her after all this time. Well since we've been back in our respective homes, the texts have been close to non existent. Ive reached out several times and gotten little to no response, and when i did it was short and did little to easy my anxiety about the situation. As of now the Work party is still on the books but I'm questioning it now. Ive spent the last week racking my brain trying to figure out if i did something wrong or if something is wrong with me to cause such a shift, almost 180. I guess I'm just asking what do people think i should do or what others thoughts on what may have happened. Im planning on just asking if something is off or if theres anything causing a distance or if I'm just overthinking because, as i have mentioned above, i was in a very toxic relationship and have strong trust issues surrounding words vs actions.

My (39F) Fiance (41M) and I had a disagreement the other day. I had received a package from a girl that he had cheated on me with 3 years ago. (She lived in a different state than us and they never met face to face it was all through video/messages/phone calls) This is the 3rd package I have gotten from her. I received it while he was at work. She sends the gifts that he got her to me. This time it was a necklace. I mentioned it to him by text and of course was a little upset that this lady is still bothering me all these years later. That evening as we were getting ready for bed, he couldn't seem to understand why it was bothering me since she has done this before. He started to raise his voice and swearing at me. He said "F you" numerous times and I told him that he was starting to scare me with how badly he was escalating. I said "Please stop, you're seriously starting to scare me". He turned to look at me and said "Oh! You're scared? How about I get a gun and we will see how scared you are." He then stormed off towards our closet where he keeps his rifles. I started crying and begged him not to get the gun. He stopped and told me he was leaving. He's never put his hands on me or ever threatened me before. We've been together for 4 years now and while he has lost his temper and blows up, he's never done anything like this. Advise please?

So about a year ago I (20M) had feelings for one of my friends, Leia (22F, not really name). Bad idea, yep. I was in a similar situation years ago and that previous girl was super abusive, she made my life hell. Not the most fun, I gotta say. Leia was really, really similar to the last abusive girl, coming down to the sinilar hair, similar personality, same height and same age. But she seemed better. I met her since my Fratenrity and her Sorority are somewhat close
So I confessed to Leia I had feelings for her, but didn’t want to date. I just wanted to get it off my head and be honest with her. She didn’t want to date either but she said she really loved our friendship, and we spent a few hours talking about it. I told her about my past stuff, and she promised she wouldn’t do the same thing to me, and she’d always be there for me since I’m one of her best friends.
3 weeks later I cut her off. She was abusive, a lot of lying, gaslighting, projecting, isolating me from friends, and so, so much blaming and stonewalling. She did everything to me that the last girl did, all the stuff I told her about, and it had such a bad effect on me that I ended up getting diagnosed with MDD, but there were a lot more issues that caused that. It’s been silent treatment since then, except for a few times she’s done things to taunt me, but I’ve just ignored her.
A year later, I’m better now. I’ve got great supportive friends, and my life is on the up and up. But I found out she decided to not graduate on time and stay another year, and that’s confused me a lot. I miss all of our happy memories, and I never really got closure. Part of me wants to talk to her again, but idk why. My therapist said it’s natural, especially since I haven’t really dated since then, after it nuked my confidence, it makes sense, but I just feel like shit thinking about her. I at least have closure than people know she’s like this and they’re on my side, even her own sorority sisters, but I still miss those happy memories.

What other series do you see at the same level as 30 Rock?
Community distant second, Parks and Rec enjoyable but much looser
Modern Family in terms of consistency and Arrested Development 1-3 in terms of hidden/missed jokes
P&R, Justified, Archer
None
None. It’s in a class of its own
Mad Men and Lost. Neither are comedies but these are my top 3 shows. So interesting to me that the 30 Rock writers also referenced both shows throughout. Also so interesting my top 3 shows were on the air at the same time.
Arrested Development, Community
Community, The Simpsons
The office, arrested development 1-3, Nathan for you.
occupies the same space as the office, parks and rec, maybe community (didn’t watch much of that one), tangentially related to iasip and grandmas house
none. but some of my favorites are parks and recreation, letterkenny, shoresy, girls 5eva, parks and recreation, and ted lasso
Kimmy Schmidt
Parks and Rec
Sometimes Community?
Milf Island
Breaking bad.
Arrested Dev, Sunny, Seinfeld
Parks and Rec, The Office
American Dad, Seinfeld, Community
Friends
Kimmy Schmidt
Mad Men but for drama
No other comedies
It’s Always Sunny
Reno 911, Parks and Rec
Frajer
Arrested Development, Hacks, Girls5Eva
I like other Tina Fey shows
Arrested Development, IASIP, VEEP, Derry Girls, golden girls, Parks n Rec, Community, Broad City, Schitts Creek, Abbot Elementary, the good place, WandaVision, Fleabag, The Mary Tyler Moore show
Community, Its Always Sunny, Soap, The Simpsons, Comedy Bang Bang, and Derry Girls
Kimmy Schmidt
Community, parks and rec, the office
Arrested Development, Broad City, Archer
none
Literally none, still searching
Arrested Development, Broad City, Veep, Bob’s Burgers
Parks & Rec
Parks and Rec
None.
maybe Parks and Rec
Community
None. Maybe Arrested Development.
Arrested Development
Great News
Arrested Development
Community
Parks and rec is the closest, and Brooklyn 99
unbreakable kimmy schmidt
Comedy wise? Arrested Development I guess (s1-3 only). Importance in my life? As much as Mary Tyler Moore and ER. It's definitely my most rewatched show ever.
Arrested Development, by sheer jokes per minute
Arrest Development
Arrested Development
Derry Girls, Freaks & Geeks, Schitt’s Creek, Firefly
Seinfeld, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Frasier
Blue Mountain State, Psych, The League, Girls5Eva, Band Of Brothers
Girls5Eva, Great News
Parks and Rec (kinda)
N/A
The office
Arrested Development
The Larry Sanders Show
West Wing
Bob’s Burgers
Broad City
None
None, Parks and Rec is close
Hmm, Mrs. Davis rocked my whole shit up?
Veep, Silicon Valley
WWDITS
Kimmy Schmidt, Frasier, Will & Grace, Futurama, Bob’s Burgers (I know they’re cartoons, but the writing is superb!)
Parks and Rec
Arrested Development
Frasier
Parks and Rec, The Office, Community. That whole era of NBC. Kennith can fill you in on the history of NBC and television as a whole.
Malcolm in the middle
Girls5eva, parks & rec
Seinfeld/cheers
Rick and Morty
Peep Show, Seinfeld, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Dance Moms (really!)
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmitt, Arrested Development, end of list.
Seinfeld, friends, futurama, mad men
Seinfeld, The Sopranos
Parks and Rec
The office, parks & rec
Arrested Development, Veep
Supercomputer
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Parks and Recreation
None
None, 30 Rock Reaganed through all 7 seasons. I guess I also like Arrested Development, but not in a queer way.
Arrested Development
What We Do In The Shadows is the only thing that’s come close. I love other comedies like the office, parks&rec, brooklyn99, superstore, etc- but they just aren’t 30 Rock level of comedic genius!
Community, Cheers
Community, Bojack Horseman, Parks & Rec, Schitt's Creek, The Good Place
I Think You Should Leave
Community
Community, Arrested Development (season1-3)
Parks and rec
Friends, The Wire
in terms of comedy, there are a few episodes of new girl that come close. other than that, the only shows that really compare are girls5eva, great news, and kimmy schmidt, obviously.
TGS
Parks n Rec, The Office. Not Brooklyn 99, so stop telling me to watch that.
HBO’s John Adams
It’s always sunny in Philadelphia comes the closest but nothing is same level
Mad men
Arrested development, its always sunny in Philadelphia, community
The Office
Office?
The Nanny, Mom, Rockford Files
Veep
Community
It’s always sunny, Peep Show
The Office, Reno 911, Parks & Rec
Community, Parks and Rec, The Office
None. Maybe The Office in 2nd
Parks & Rec
Veep
3rd Rock from the Sun
Parks and rec
Seinfeld
Not the same genre but Simpsons to season 8
Fleabag
Parks and rec
The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, the Office (US)
SNL and The Simpsons
Literally none
Shitt's Creek
I don’t really have anything else I’m willing to watch over and over like 30 Rock..
Frasier
Archer, Seinfeld, Silicone Valley, Community, Brooklyn 99, How I met your Mother.
Arrested Development, it's always sunny in Philadelphia
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Arrested development, succession
Parks and Recreation, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Arrested Development
House, Scubs, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, MASH, McGyver, Magnum PI, Simon & Simon, 3rd Rock From The Sun
None
There isn't one
None
The Good Place, Superstore, The Office, Parks and Rec
Lost
Arrested development, always sunny in Philadelphia.
Arrested Development, It’s Always Sunny
Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Curse, It's Always Sunny
It’s always sunny in Philadelphia
Arrested development
I’m not going to list my top 10 when I already said it’s top 10 all time
Parks and Rec
Arrested Development
None!
Better Off Ted
Peep Show
Seinfeld
Community, Arrested Development.
Arrested Development
Parks and rec, arrested development
Queen of Jordan, MILF Island, Goldcase
The Office, Veep, Arrested Development, Parks and Rec, Malcolm in the Middle.
Arrested
Hacks, Frasier
Still Game
Community, Always Sunny, Futurams
Arrested Development seasons 1-3.
Schitts creek
Parks. Twin Peaks. SHADOWS. early Letterkenny, the Sate, kith
Parks and Rec, Community, God Cop
Arrested Development
Seinfeld
None
None
Parks and Rec
Arrested Development, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Parks and Recreation, Veep, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Archer, South Park
The office, friends, scrubs
Arrested Development
Parks and rec, the office
Simpsons
Kimmy Schmidt
Community
None
Seinfeld, Arrested Development*, Frasier
Milf Island
Queen of Jordan
Arrested development
Frajer, MASH, Seinfeld
Office
Parks and Rec, the good place
Community, The Office, Parks and Rec, Arrested Development
The Good Place; Ted Lasso; Girls5Eva
The Simpsons, the first 3 seasons of MASH, Sopranos, Arrested Development, Frasier
Unreal le Kimmy Schmidt, SNL
Parks and Rec
None
Community, curb your enthusiasm
I see Parks and Recreation as it’s ’emotionally in-touch twin’
Community
Bitch Hunter
Park and Rec, Scrubs, curb your enthusiasm, I’m sure there are others.
BoJack Horseman, Crazy Ex-girlfriend, Superstore
Few
Community, Always Sunny in Philadelphia
The West Wing, The Sopranos,
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Parks and Rec
Frasier, Shorsey
Community
Community Kimmy Schmidt Seinfeld old Simpsons
Parks n Rec, Office maybe
Jay Leno lol
Veep
Seinfeld
Party Down, Seinfeld, Parks And Recreation, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Brooklyn 99
Futurama, parks and rec, kimmy schmidt
They’re not the same humogenre at all, but I also love Who’s the Boss?, The Office, Arrested Development, Hacks, Law & Order: SVU, and Mad Men
Fleabag
The Office, Parks and Rec, Community, Good Place, Brooklyn 99, Always Funny
Breaking Bad, Sopranos, the Office
None.
Community
Veep
Gilmore Girls, another well written comedy
The Office, Parks and Rec, Peep Show (UK)
Nothing, closest are parks and rec, community, and arrested development.
Arrested Development
Parks and Rec
Absolutely fabulous
Parks and Rec! Maybe The Good Place
Nothing! Maybe Parks and Rec
The Office, Parks and Rec, and Community. Bonus points for when they all aired on the same night.
Arrested Dev
Queen of Jordan
Arrested Development
What We Do In The Shadows
Veep
Modern family
There really isn’t one.
John from Cincinati
Girls 5 Eva
Seinfeld
Girls5Eva, Kimmy Schmidt,
Veep
honesty idk it’s a quite good time tho
Community
The comedies I think are on par with 30 Rock, in terms of hilariousness and overall quality, are: Arrested Development (initial run), Future Man (first season), and What We Do in the Shadows.

If you're also wondering what shows are on my shortlist of all time greats with 30 Rock, regardless of genre: Chernobyl, early Game of Thrones, The Americans, and True Detective (first season).

The number one greatest show of all time, though, without any contest, is The Leftovers. The whole show is a masterpiece, but the second season in particular is one of the greatest works of art I've seen.
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt if it had been longer
Yes
Community, psych
Veep, what we do in the shadows, Frasier, always sunny
Arrested development
Parks and Rec, Brooklyn 99, Bobs Burgers
None. B99 and P&R are fun but unmatched
B99
Parks and rec
Parks & Recreation, Veep
Always Sunny, Arrested Development, The Office
Scrubs, AD (1-3)
None
It’s Always Sunny
What we do in the shadows, parks and rec
Happy Endings
Seinfeld, Arrested Development, Parks and Recreation, King of the Hill
The office, pnr, good place
Letterkenny
Fleabag
Arrested Development, The Office, Community, The Good Place
Arrested development
arrested development, bojack horseman, broad city
Yes
Your mom.
The office, arrested development
Other series?
The Good Place
Arrested Development, Veep
Breaking Bad
Mad Men.
Community and Scrubs
Seinfeld, Arrested Development, Community
Seinfeld
Brooklyn 99
Good place
No
mad men, futurama, archer
Arrested Development, Community
South park
Any Michael Shur show, Schitt’s Creek, New Girl
Ted Lasso
Seinfeld, Arrested Development, The Muppet Show
South park
Community, Seinfeld, Arrested Development, New Girl, Paris and Rec
None
Community, arrested development
Frasier, The Good Place, It's Always Sunny
always sunny
X Files, Family Guy, Barry, Venture Bros., Lost, Game of Thrones
Arrested Development
Arrested development
Arrested Development
Literally none
Schitts Creek
Literally other Tina Fey programs and that’s like it lmao
Arrested development
Scrubs, HIMYM
Mad Men
Community
Himym
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Modern Family, The Office, Parks and Rec, Schitt's Creek, Arrested Development
Community
Hacks
Community, Arrested Development (1-3)
Parks and Rec
Arrested development
Community
Curb
No match
American Dad (in terms of how much I quote it)
Veep
Drama: the Americans, the sopranos
Comedy: the good place
Parks and Rec
Veep, arrested development, curb, Seinfeld
Nn
Veep
Kimmy Schmidt maybe
Community
Arrested development, psych, unbreakable,
Arrested Development, Seinfeld, Always Sunny
The simpsons
Arrested Development, Always sunny, community
Parks and Rec, The Office, Community, Last Man on Earth, Kimmy Schmidt
None except The Good Place
Seinfeld, Arrested Development, Community
Arrested Development (first two seasons only)
Strangers with Candy, scrubs
Early Simpsons
MASH
Community, maybe the first 3 Arrested Development
Arrested Development
Parks & Rec,
The Office maybe?
Simpsons
Broad City
Happy Endings
Brooklyn 99
Brooklyn 99
Schitts Creek
None
American Dad, IASIP
Arrested Development original seasons
Arrested Development, Community
Community
None
Hacks
Parks and Rec
New Girl, The Office
Frasier
Arrested development
Community
Community, Arrested Development
How I met your mother
Parks and Rec, Crazy Ex Girlfriend
Parks and Rec
Park & Rec,
Red dwarf
Parks and Rec
seinfeld
Breaking Bad
Parks and rec/ what we do in the shadows
I’m also a sex and the city super fan
Community
Veep
30 rock sits alone atop the pyramid for me. But Veep and arrested development get close with script quality and cast dynamic
Arrested development, Veep
Parks and Rec, Arrested Development
Community
Always Sunny
Cheers, 3rd Rock from the Sun
Good Place, Parks and Rec
Archer, arrested development
The Office, The Mighty Boosh
Community, end of list
DeFwan
Futurama, Community
Idk older sitcoms are debatably as cleverly written (i.e. Cheers), but they don’t have that chaotic fever dream quality that 30 has that I love so much
Arrested development
It’s always sunny
Parks and rec, Brooklyn 99
Frasier, Modern Family
Community, parks and rec
The Simpsons
Arrested Development
N/A
The Office, The Good Place
Community, the Office
Schitt’s creek
Arrestes Development or Fleabag.
None
Parks and rec
Scrubs, New Girl, Brooklyn 99
Community
Always sunny, arrested development, broad city, what we do in the shadows
None
Community, Parks and rec
American Vandal
none
Seinfeld, It’s always sunny in Philadelphia
Office
The Office
Bitch Hunter
Arrested Development Seasons 1 - 3, Archer first three seasons, Bobs Burgers
arrested development
Arrested development
No comedy comes close.
Veep
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Community
B99, severance, true det s1
Community
Parks and rec, Brooklyn 99
Comedy: The Office (seasons 1-7), The Simpsons (seasons 2-9)
Other: The Wire, The Sopranos, Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul, Mad Men
Arrested Development
The Office, Parks and Recreation. If only because they were the holy trinity of ABC shows back in the day. I think Brooklyn Nine Nine comes close in a less cynical way, and I think Better Off Ted is equally as funny as 30 Rock, but keeps things a little more grounded in reality. The British version of The Inbetweeners is equally funny to me at times, too.
Seinfeld
The Larry Sanders Show
Broad City; High Maintenance
the offiec
30 Rock
None.
New Girl, the office, arrested development
Community, Seinfeld, Golden Girls
Arrested Development
Always sunny
Community
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, the Office, Kimmy Schmidt, I Think You Should Leave
The Good Place
Veep
IASIP, bobs burgers, b99,
Curb
Community
Frasier.
Not as good as Seinfeld but definitely up there with if not above Community
Strangers with candy
Parks and Rec
The Sopranos
can’t think of one comedy/sitcom that’s as well written. nothing compares
The Middle, The Good Place
Ted lasso, parks and rec
The sumpsons
Sunny, Parks and Rec, Curb
None
Broad City
Frasier
The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Cheers, Seinfeld, The Simpson, Arrested Development
don't know, community?
The Good Place
Parks and recreation
Curb your enthusiasm, veep, arrested development
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and BitchHunter.
None. The closest is Veep.
Golden Girls
Golden Girls, P and R, Fraijer, 3rd Rock from the Sun,
Arrested development
*
Honestly I think it's probably the best sitcom ever made. Certainly one of the most accurate ones. I enjoy Parks and Rec for a lot of the same reasons but I've rewatched 30 Rock more times than I can count and I consider it peak TV. Absolutely required viewing for anyone who wants to work in entertainment.
Schitt's Creek
Arrested development, community, parks and rec, the office, archer
Community
Always Sunny
First 3 seasons of AD
The Golden Girls, Fleabag, Frasier, Arrested Development
Arrested Development, Girls5Eva
The Girlie Show
Community, better off ted, parks and rec
Arrested Development
First 3 series of Arrested Development
Community
Community
Seinfeld, frajer
None - it's in a league of its own
None
The Sopranos
Seinfeld, American dad
King of the Hill
Veep, Arrested Development, Superstore, Great News
Girls 5eva. community.
IASIP
None
Arrested Development (first 3 seasons)
Arrested Development
Mad Men, Silo, Bitch Hunter
psych/scrubs/b99
Community seasons 1-3
Cunk on Earth
Arrested Development, Veep, Kath & Kim (USA), and all the Tina Fey shows
Arrested development
Comedy-wise
Seinfeld
Curb
Veep
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Community
Veep, Bojack Horseman, The Good Place, Crazy Ex-girlfriend, Arrested Development (seasons 1-3), Parks & Rec
How I Met Your Mother; Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood; Mr. Robot; Parks and Recreation
Community. Other Tina Fey produced shows have the same spirit (Kimmy, Girls5Eva, etc.) and they fill the void, but can’t quite rise to the exact same level of adventure that Fievel Goes West gave us.
None, maybe Seinfeld
Community, P&R, The Office, Veep
Superstore
The Good Place
Arrested Development
Extraordinary, Derry Girls
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
The wire
Scrubs, the west wing
None
Milf island
Parks and Rec, Better Call Saul
Snl
The IT Crowd, True Blood
My Name is Earl
Parks and rec, will and grace, psych, monk
office
For enjoyment and comfort food rewatchability? The Office, Parks and Rec, Malcom in the Middle, The Middle, Golden Girls, etc. For absolute top notch poignant jokes? None. I haven’t found a show that matches the same level of snarky, smart, zany, and topical jokes. There’s tons of real easy political dig jokes on tv now, but 30 rock was truly something else and something very special, it wasn’t ever heavy handed without letting you know they knew they were being heavy handed and that was part of the joke.
The Office (US), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Arrested Development (og run), Portlandia, Curb
Nothing
always sunny, kimmy schmidt
Community, Parks and Recreation
Arrested Development
Seinfeld, Arrested Development
Parks & Rec
Veep
The Simpsons, Parks and Rec, Always Sunny
None
Kimmy Schmidt
Milf Island
First few seasons of the Simpsons
Arresed Development, The Good Place, You're the Worst, Hacks
Community, IASIP
Better off Ted
Parks and Rec, The Office, Seinfeld, what we do in the shadows, Brooklyn 99, workaholics, it's always sunny in Philadelphia
Parks and Rec, The Office (early seasons)
Arrested development
Arrested Development, I Love Lucy
Parks and Rec
Curb
TGS with Tracky Jonjon
Parks and Rec, Archer(S1-5), Seinfeld, Abbott Elementary (give them time),
Curb your enthusiasm
Seinfeld maybe?
Ken Burns Civil War
Breaking Bad
Will & Grace
Portlandia
Parks and Rec, Community, B99
Arrested Development, Brooklyn 99
Broad City, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidy
Seinfeld, Beverly Hillbillies, Veep, CHiPs
Girls5eva, Broad City, Arr Development
30 Rock is unparalleled.
Mr Robot - different type of program but also weird and has its own unique world
I don’t love ranking things, bur i enjoy Brooklyn 99, Girls 5Eva and The Other Two quite a bit
Venture Bros, Psych, Seinfeld, Brooklyn 99, Parks and Rec
Veep, Always Sunny, What We Do in the Shadows, Arrested Development
bojack?
Veep
Arrested Development
Arrested Development
Office
Arrested Development
Parks and Rec.
Brooklyn 99
arrested development
The Good Place, Psych, Scrubs, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

This is probably a longer story than it really is, but I am just trying to give as much context as I can.
In grade 11, me (F16-17) and my ex-friend (F16-17) were best friends. For some context, we both became friends fairly early in high school. In my country high school is from grade 8-grade 12. I joined the high school in grade 8 from out of city, the high school is just closer to me than the one in my city, so I was a new kid. I made some friends in grade 8 as a new kid but those friendships did end in grade 9. Grade 9 is when my best friend, we'll call her Emily, transferred to the school. And we formed a friendship. Through grade 9 we had formed our own little friend group with 2 other girls, we'll name them Clara and Sabrina. It was the 4 of us through majority of high school. We would always text each other, always hang out after school, spend any break we had at school together and had as much fun as any girls in high school could have (minus the partying because my school is not a partying school).
Emily and I were the closet in the friend group, afterall we were pretty similar and come from similar backgrounds (We're both a type of asian). We both would be described as the smart kids. We both would end up getting high grades in all of our classes. In grade 9, when we met, she told the friend group her dream was to become a doctor like her parents were, so she studied extra hard in high school to keep her grades high. I, on the other hand, did not really have any specific dreams. I wanted to become a writer or even a lawyer (but was worried because I'm not the best speaker). Due to that, I never tried that hard at school. Like i care about grades, my parents cared a lot about me getting high grades, but I wasn't studying for anything. And with that I never really studied either, I would do my homework and pay attention in class and take pretty notes but I was not spending any real time after class to do work Which is something that Emily would do. She would spend hours and hours a day just studying. If she wasn't studying she would be doing some volunterring or some club stuff.
Fast forward to grade 11. Right from the beginning of the year something just felt odd about our relationship. She seemed distant. Which I chalked up to it being we were now considered seniors at our high school so she was starting to stress about universities already, but it was still whatever. My school worked in semesters, so for half of the year we would have 4 specific classes which would then switch to different classes in second semester. During first semester I didn't have any classes with any of my friends. I was just chilling in all of my classess and getting adopted into different group friends in those classes. I was always well-liked in high school, I was not a popular kid. But compared to all the smart kids in the school, I was deemed the nicest so because of that everyone would be nice to me and friendly (even though I know for some of them it was so they could get hw answers out of me, but they were still very nice to me).
During this time, my friends and I would make up plans to hang out. We always made it a point to hang out at least once a week outside of school. It was always after school, we would usually study, walk around or go to the mall. In our gc on insta we would always double check with one another on which days to do it. Clara, Sabrina and I would always talk in the gc and were always the ones initiating the plans. Emily was also in the gc but would rarely reply to anything. Any times we would make plans to hang out, Emily would either not reply (which would then lead us to asking her during lunch the next day if she was free, where she would barely talk) or she would just say no to all plans. The few times she would say yes, she would always cancel the day of. Which would be annoying, and Clara, Sabrina and I would talk amongst ourselves that we found it odd she would always cancel and never want to hang out outside of school, but we were like it's not that big of a deal. She could just be busy.
We then just ahead to my birthday. Now i have an early birthday and it falls around the time that we come back to school after the winter break. Now during the winter break, Clara, Sabrina and I formed a seperate gc as it would just be the three of us talking and making plans. We also always took so many pictures and felt bad about sending it into the gc with the four of us in it as we didnt want Emily to feel bad about not coming. So we figured it was better if we kept it seperate. But in the main gc, I just ask when is everyone free to do something small. I'm not really a birthday person. Since high school, all my birthdays include going to some cozy restauraunt with my 4 closest friends and just having a casual dinner. So I ask and everyone leaves their responses, including Emily. We decide on a day, it would be after school just a day or two after my actual birthday and we would be going to a restuarunt and an arcade nearby (I have strict parents so I really wasn't allowed to go out late or really go out anywhere far). The plan is made and everything is set. When the day comes for the dinnearcade, we all meet up by our lockers to go take the bus together.
The 3 of us are there waiting for Emily to come and she does just a few minutes late. That is when she tells us she can't come because she has a club meeting today, and she told us it was mandatory for us to attend. Now of course my friends and I tried to convince her to blow it off just this one time, but she was adamant about going. So, whatever. We say bye to her and start walking to the bus. While walking there we bump into a mutual friend, also waiting for the bus. She is also in the same club, so we confused why she was here. We do ask her, saying "hey isn't there something happening with the club today?" That is when she tells us there was just this small meeting recapping what had happened in last weeks meeting for the people who missed it. Meaning the meeting was not madatory at all, especially when Emily had cancelled our plans last week to go to this said meeting. Meaning she did sort of lie to get out of going to my birthday party. I of course was hurt by this. When she told us she had to go to the meeting, I didn't think much of it as I knew how much school mattered to her and how much doing this club stuff mattered. But she had the choice to come, and she decided to just blow me off. We went out and had fun and didn't bring the matter up with her. We figured it was just her caring a bit too much about school.
Anyways this whole cancelling plans last minute, ghosting the main gc thing happened more and more. It also got to the point where if I wanted to talk to her, whether that was through text or in real life I would always have to approach her first. As this carried on for a while, i of course was getting a bit annoyed about where this friendship was going.
We now get to Emily's birthday a month later. Now Emily decided to plan her birthday, very last minute. I am just pointing this out as i am not a person who can do spontaneous plans, one because i have this need to plan properly and two because I do have strict parents. So i can't just spring a plan on them the day of and expect to go. Which is something Emily knows. Anyways she makes the plan and i tell my mom about it to ask if i can go and she says yes. The day before, Emily then decides to change the plan entirely. We were going to go into downtown city (for context, it's roughly 2 hours transit from our neighborhood). I obviously had to ask permission as she wanted to stay out late which is not something my parents would like, so when Emily told us at lunch the change in plans, Clara, Sabrina I told her we had to double check if we can still go as we all have strict parents, but our extended friend group were all down to go.
After school, the four of us head into the bathroom, which is a toally normal thing for high school girls to do before we headed out. While there Emily then decides to start a fight with me about not going to her birthday, which hasn't happened yet. She starts yelling at me about how Im mad that she didn't go to my birthday and am not going to hers as revenge (I'll be honest, I kinda forgot she didn't go). And starts yelling at me about how I'm being a bad friend and frankly a b*tch. And when I say she is screaming at me, I mean there is the largest echo circling our bathroom as she yells at me. Now I'm just standing there, trying to reason with her. I'm just trying to explain to her that i didn't say i wasn't coming, i just needed to get permission to go, which is something that Clara and Sarbina said as well but Emily wasn't saying anything about them. She proceeded to just yell at me for a solid 5 minutes. Another girl did walk into the bathroom, saw Emily yelling and just left, which I feel bad about. I do not do well with someone yelling at me, so I just tell her that I'm leaving now and we can talk later. I practically run out of the bathroom and out of school. Clara runs up to me and says i can't go home feeling like this. I felt horrible, i felt like throwing up. So Clara makes it her job to cheer me up as Sabrina is trying to calm Emily down. Clara takes me to Mcdonalds, where we split a meal as that became a tradition of ours and she bought me ice-cream to make me feel better. We end up spending roughly and hour and half there before starting to walk back to our houses. I did feel a lot better and I was smiling. Clara didn't really say much about what happened as she knew it would upset me. She just said that Emily was being mean and left it at that. At some point during our walk, Emily calls Clara and starts screaming at Clara over the phone about choosing "my side". I only know it was Emily because I can hear her screaming through the phone and Clara is trying to be nice to her and say she was comforting her friend like a good one would do. Emily continues screaming and Clara just hangs up on her.
We don't talk about it. Now the next day, at school, is Emily's birthday. I feel so awkward. Because i'm still upset about what happened. When I see her, I'm not sure if I should wish her a happy birthday. I feel like I am owed an apology first. so i don't really say anything to her. and we don't really talk. Now we are in the same Chemistry honours class together and are lab partners. So we have to talk. I ask her, if we're going to talk about what happened. And she just says, no, it's my birthday. I just say really but she doesn't say anything after. So Im just like, fine, whatever. We spend the entire class in awkward silence, and I do not see her again the entire day. Even at lunch because she has a club meeting or something. Clara, Sabrina and I all agree that we don't want to talk about it. Clara got an apology text last night but she was still mad about being yelled at over the phone. Sabrina asked us if we wanted to know what her and Emily talked about yesterday but i said no. I was frankly too mad and knew if anything was said, I would be upset. Emily did not end up having a birthday party. and there is now an awkward silence between the 4 of us. it's like a horror movie, where the music is playing and you just know something bad is coming and you have to wait for it.
A few days later, I know i have to say something. I can feel that our friendship is hanging by a thread and I want my best friend back. So at lunch, while we're all sitting by our lockers I bring up the topic. I do not remember the conversation that took place. All I know was that Emily was practically screaming in my face, in front of all our friends (Clara, Sabrina and 5 of our other friends). Everyone is trying to get her to stop, but she keeps yelling at me. At some point I just start crying. Now this is the first time, that someone outside of my family, has ever made me cry. Its the first time I have ever cried at school too. The tears are flowing down my face as I just say "i'm sorry i cant do this" to the rest of our friends as i had off to the bathroom to calm down. Clara and one of our other friends rush off with me to try to calm me down and stop the tears. But they keep coming. I can't stop them and am now in the bathroom splashing my face with water and doing my best to wipe them all away. Clara, this other friend and i all have the same class next. So they have to literally drag me to class as I'm sort of paralyzed about whats happening. When we get to the classroom, everyone there, which was half of the class is looking at me and seeing my red, teared-up face. Our seats are at the very back corner of the classroom, on the very opposite side from the door. So i have to walk past the entire face as they all stare at me and wonder whats happening. the entire time im not really paying any attention. during little work periods in the class, my fellow classmates would walk up to me and ask if im okay. which i would say yes, i was even though i wasnt because what else could i say. I ended up powering through the rest of the day before going home and wonderign what to do.
In the secret gc, I text with Clara and Sabrina about what my next steps should be. They suggest we have an actual therapy session as a friend group to discuss if we even want to be friends at this point. I agree to this. I even start writing up my own speech I am going to tell Emily when i see her.
So I'm just going to jump ahead to whenever this happens. It's during lunch, outside on the grass field. I am calm, I know what to say and everything. I'm sitting there with Clara and Sabrina has to literally drag Emily out of school to come and talk. I kid you not. We have like an hour for lunch. It takes 20 minutes for Emily to finally show up. And she shows up like, "ugh what are we even doing here? im kinda busy" and just acts like there is nothing at all wrong. I start to calmly explain to her how ive been feeling the entire year. I do not remmeber the conversation. But what I remember talking about is how i feel like she's distant, she's always cancelling plans, im always the one texting her first, about how she gets mad at me for small little things, how she yells at me, etc. My whole speech was about how "i don't want to feel like sh*t for trying to continue this friendship". Because even after the first time she yelled at me, I just wanted an apology and we could move on and that didn't happen. And now Im just like I don't want to cry again and don't want my tears to come from someone who's supposed to be my best friend. She does argue her case in this. Her whole thing is how "i'm being clingy and annoying and controlling".
Now for her arguement, I think it should be known more about my persoanlity type. I am not the best people person. I have social anxiety and how that manifests in me is that i can't really talk to people that well. I don't know how to converse and get incredibly nervous to talk to anyone new. So when I do become friends with someone, I do latch on to them. I talk to them all the time, when i can, and they become my person. I think that is where the clingy party comes from. For the controlling/annoying thing, I can only chalk it up to me always texting her. Like i said, i would always have to be the one initating our conversations and plans. So our chats always look like 5 bubbles of text from me (because i am the person that types in multiple bubbles rather than one large text bubble) and her short responses. When it comes to plans, as I said i do not do spontaenous plans. I need to have them properly organized for both my parents sakes and my sake. I'm not someone who plans everything out minute by minute, I just need to know times and places. And if you are actually free.
Thankfully this time, Emily isn't yelling at me however she is talkimg a bit loudly. Now at this point we have spent 25ish minutes talking about this when she suddently gets up and says "i have to go otherwise i'll be late for my class and get in trouble". Which there is still 15 minutes before lunch ends. And her classroom is across the hallway from my next class with Clara. The walk from the grass field was literally 2 minutes. Our coversation wasn;t done. There was no convlusion and no real understanding on either part. So all of us get up as Emily starts speed walking and we all chase her. We're all telling her there is still so much time left, but she doesn't listen and still carries on. So then I say, "i don't want to be friends anymore if this is what it's going to be like". and she says "fine." and walks away. and that was the end of our friendship.
It was almost spring break and our friends were doing their best to navigate the situation. I think they believed we both needed time to cool down and we can all be friends again. However that didn;t happen. Emily and i agreed to be civil as we still had the same friend group but she never really hung out with us in the next couple days, or talked during lunch and that was it.
The two of us did not talk at all. The only times we did was in our Chemistry class, where she did the most un-civil thing ever. As I said we were lab partners. Anytime we had any lab, involing the microscope, I would always be the person doing the microscope work as Emily writes down the results of what I found. I would then get the numbers or obersations from her and add them to my worksheet as our teacher wanted us to work in partners but submit our own work. This one lab went off for too long and the bell rung. So as we are packing up quickly, I ask Emily for the numbers she wrote down. She said she's late for something and will send me the numbers later today. And I'm like fine. She never did. It was also a Friday so we went into the weekend and she never sent me anything. I did text her once on Saturday and another time on Sunday if she could send it. but she never replied and i just asked another classmate if they could send me their answers. If our teacher asked why did we as partners have different answers, I was going to tell him Emily wouldn't give them to me. He never did ask and that was the last time we really talked.
We then headed into spring break which ended up turning into the pandemic lockdown. Now I feel so bad when saying this, as i know this was a difficult time for so many people. But me as a 17-year-old high school studnet, loved the first few weeks of lockdown. I saw it as a mental health break as all the stuff that went down with Emily did in fact put me into a depression phase (I actually do have depression and i do end up in mini-phases where its really bad). The lockdown gave me time to breathe as it felt like i was holding my breath for so long and i could relax. Now in the fall, our school did a hybrid for our last year. Which was fine, it was weird but managable. Emily did not talk to me, Clara or Sabrina at all during our seniour year. We graduated and my friends and I had the best time we could under pandemic restrictions.
Current day, I (21) am now in university. Clara and Sabrina and I are as close as ever and have managed to keep our friendship alive and strong even 3-4 years outside of high school and while all attending different universities. We still hang out regularly (once every week or so) and text all the time. And would you believe it, Emily goes to my university. Remember, how I said she wanted to become a doctor. Yeah so her plan was to go to university in Toronto for some medicine thing. I don't really know. She didn't do that. Instead she stayed in our city and decided to do business instead. What am I doing, you ask? Also business. Now I know I can't claim a school, or a major or anything like that. But i can't lie, im a little annoyed that she decided to swtich her career path to the same as mine. Thankfully Ive only had one class with her and it was one of those big lecture halls so i didn't have to talk with her. Just seeing her tho reminds me of high school and i can feel my blood pressure rising and me sweating as all the nerves and stress come back.
Anyways Clara and Sabrina's birthdays are coming up. Their birthdays are within the same week so since high school, they've always just done one big combined party. The two of them are both really chill people, they are friends with everyone and anyone. So as their coming up with their birthday plans, they are thinking of their guest list and Emily is on it. Now, Clara and Sabrina did ask me beforehand if they could invite her. They do want to make sure I am comfortable. They both tell me that they don't really talk to her anymore, maybe once every 3 months or something. They also haven't hung out since high school. But for their 21st birthday they are thinking of inviting everyone from our high school friend group to have sort of a mini-reuinion. I am down for it, I do think i have moved on, in the sense that I know I do not want Emily in my life. I do tell them I will probably feel awkwad but I can manage for one night for their birthday.
As I'm telling my sister (F16) about Clara and Sabrina's party and who's coming, she asks me about Emily. She basically says if Clara and Sabrina are fine with inviting her, that means they have forgiven her for high school stuff, so am I not being a bit mean for holding on to my feelings? I am a person who believes there is no expirational date on any pain caused by a person. I should not have to "forgive and forget" a person, who has not asked for it and who caused me so much pain just because that is how the world has worked. But it go me thinking, am i being a bit rude?
So, two questions: AITA for what happened in high-school? (am i in the wrong for the friendship breakup) and AITA for not wanting to forgive her?
A FEW NOTES: (i'll add more when i think of it)
I have not spoken to Emily since grade 12. Not in person, not through people, not through text. We have had no contact with one another and i am fine with that. I do not want any relationship with her.
Clara and Sabrina are two of the sweetest people in my life. It does not hurt me at all they have the odd interaction with Emily at all. Afterall they do say its very minimal contact and the few times they have made plans with Emily included, they let me know well in advance, ask if its okay to invite her and all that. Each time I say its fine because I know Im in a good place to not feel bad.
I have never yelled at Emily. Nor have I ever spoken badly about her. With our mutual friends I might complain about the situation, but I never say anything bad about her. I should also say, Emily i don't think was well-liked. As I said the two of are good students, the smart kids, whatever else you want to say. However Emily is what would be described as a "teacher's pet" and does give off an arrogant vibe at times towards others. Some of my other friends/classmates would sometimes make comments about this to me, but i would always sort of downplay it. Like, oh that's not how she really is, she just cares a lot about school. A few times I would say the comments are harsh to some of the classmates. Her, on the other hand, has called me a controlling b*tch to several people. who have all told me about it. She did bad-mouth to quite a few people.
At some point in grade 11 (not really relevant to the main story, but might be part of the reason Emily's always made at me), but I was blamed for a rumour going around that Emily had a crush on this guy in our grade. Emily and I had to go to this one teacher's class for some notes or something. And in the class was this girl who I didn;t really like. So before we walk in I whisper to her, no one can hear, that "hey there's that girl i don't like". Emily then makes it so obvious that she is looking at this girl. And next to her is one of the popular boys in our class. Emily makes it so obvious that shes looking in his direction and does it a few times, that the rumour she likes this guy becomes a huge joke in our grade. She does not like this guy, never has liked this guy, but it is a joke that him and his friends carry on. This continues for the entire year, and Emily in our therapy session does mention this fact. She says its my fault that this joke has gone around. I don't see how.

Kyoshi book 1 is the epitome of ‘a meeting that could have been an email’. Its book that should have been a graphic novel. A story that should have been a wikipedia page.
SPOILERS, though I am saving you the read.
TLDR: The story telling is mediocre, and the story would have been just as compelling as a bullet pointed list of story facts. It flubs, glosses over and skips all portions of story that would have required any amount of clever writing or skill. The story is comprised of cringey tropes. This book will not sit among the original series in the annals of history. It sits below Korra and just above M Knight’s film adaption and the disgraceful Netflix reboot.
First, the idea of there being immense trouble identifying the Avatar is a good plot point. Having Kuruk’s team find and teach the next Avatar and have opposing ideals is also a good plot point. Yee also describes the martial arts okay enough, but this is an inherent obstacle when turning highly visual source material into text. This concludes my praise.
Yee tells, but doesnt show. Show more teambuilding and friendship between Kyoshi, Rangi and Yun. They only come together once in the same room to hang out before the main conflict happens, and its a superficial scene straight out of an 80s slasher movie. They come together solely to ‘show’ them being a team as they hang out and exchange banter. This is the first of Yee’s pseudo-“show, don’t tell”. It appears like the story is showing us something, but it is still telling us. It is characterized by vapid, juvenile writing in a scene that is largely inconsequential to the story.
Make the misidentification of the Avatar weigh on each of them and test friendship. Show her being found by Kelsang. The jump forward 9 years is jarring and leaves logic way behind. If she was raised by Kelsang, why didnt he finish testing her as the Avatar? Why did he take pity and raise her after traveling the world and seeing other homeless children? Why didnt she give back the clay turtle relic? Kyoshi is abandoned when she is old enough to remember being abandon, but doesn’t remember where she got the turtle. This line is another example of pseudo-show. Why don’t we dont get any insight into the moment she is abandon? We do not know any of these things. Including these scenes in the book would have made it longer, but its the juiciest piece of the character development. The length of a book is largely forgivable if it is captivating. This is like if you order a burger and they only bring you a bun and a slice of bib lettuce. Its missing the most crucile part.
Show Yun being incorrectly identified as the Avatar. This scene has to be so interesting. There is nothing in the book about this at all. This seems like another artful dodge around having to write something clever, and that tends to be difficult.
Show Kyoshi’s Avatar state. ‘Blacking out’ is not a mysterious way to tell stories. Its a cop out of writing something the author finds difficult. Also, a character can black out and not remember doing something AND the author can still describe it as it happens to the reader. Choosing to ommit more juicey story speaks more to the writers lack of confidence in their writing.
The fans and helmet of her parents are forced clumsily into the story at the height of the inciting incident. They could have been introduced any time. For example, when Kyoshi connects with her parent’s old crime ring and they could be presented to Kyoshi as relics of the group’s deceased leaders. Instead they are introduced to the reader by Kyoshi dropping her luggage and they fall out in the rain and mud. It reads like a scene that is meant to be a story board for a cartoon or comic.
We dont get any insight into Kyoshi’s parents being dead or alive. Kyoshi doesnt seem to ask anyone either. Why? Seems like a reasonable question.
Kelsang realizes Kyoshi is the Avatar when she does some improv poetry that happens to be Avatar Kuruk’s favorite poem? That was the best idea you got?
Kyoshi has a sky bison named PengPeng? Find a new method of transportation, the flying bison had been done before. Pengpeng is also only used as transportation. She doesnt have any personality like Momo and Appa. Total strikeout.
When something new develops that is supposed to surprise the reader, like Kyoshi’s mother being a disgraced airbender, Yee doesnt show this. This is explained away in a moment of dialogue like “once upon a time, this happened.” Then the plot moves on. And what motivation did she have for keeping this from Kelsang? Maybe they knew each other? They are both airbenders who have killed before, which is significant in the fiction. This could have been an opportunity to connect characters and create intrigue. But we only learn this at the end of the book for no reason.
Love between ATLA characters is subtle in the show. Katara and Aang will end up together and we know this implicitly. Sokka loves his friends, particularly Toph, because of the actions we see him take to help her. Rewatch the show, you will see what I mean. However this is not a major plot point that is touched on each episode. Zuko and Mei are together but they are pulled apart temporarily by character motivations. It skips the filler and gets right to the interesting part. However in Kyoshi book 1, love between Rangi and Kyoshi is vapid and foreshadowed from the first pages. Lets set lesbianism aside, its not the issue. The issue is that this love story is not compelling chiefly because we are told they care for each other but are only shown this in the back half of the book on a surface level. Even when we are shown these things, its not believable. The characters act like teenagers do in 2024 America, not like how teenagers would act in a world coming off the heels of a 100 year war. The characters are young, but they have roles, careers, and the responsibilities of adults. This stems from the same problem Yun has with Kyoshi and Rangi. We don’t see them becoming or being friends. We are told they are friends. Thats it.
This connects to Rangi’s character being ambivalent and emotionally indistinct. Rangi is played as a tough, no nonsense soldier that is hired as Yun’s personal bodyguard, the most important job next to being the avatar yourself. But her expressions of love are juvenile and childish. In one scene she is scolding Kyoshi on her duty toward being Avatar then in the next she acts playfully excited like an American weeb teenager when Kyoshi bends water for the first time. Rangi is poorly written and has poor motivation to her Avatar duty. She contributes nothing practical or technical to the story but love interest. If she is a child prodigy badass that earned the job of protecting the Avatar, she should act like it.
Hei Ran, Rangi’s mother, does nothing consequential to the plot. Why have this character? It is stated she knew Avatar Kuruk. The least she can do is bring it up more.
AND FINALLY, Kyoshis character is very opposite from who we see in ATLA. Obviously this is to show growth, but the timid Kyoshi inexplicably switches to confident and intimidating Kyoshi without any growth, then switches back to timid again. We know kyoshi as a tall, confident, matter of fact, powerful bender who sees no difference between murdering Chin the Conquerer and letting him fall to his death. But here we see a still tall, but petulant teen. She is afraid of her bending. She is inconsistently overconfident. She is squemish about murder. Perhaps the growth occurs in book two, but then again change is gradual. We should see some examples of change now. She grew up a homeless street urchin. She needs to act like it.
Yun struggles with his bending but also keeps smiling and acting like everything is ok. This trope is exhausted to death by anime. We do not see a human side of Yun. He is not tortured by the training or the fatique of not being able to bend fire or the pressure and expectation of being Avatar. He just smiles and flirts with Kyoshi. He also asks her to go with him to a peace treaty signing with pirates all because he wants to have her there so he feels loved. But this thinly disguises the fact the author needed a reason to have her at the signing so she can earthbend and save everyone. Take Rangi, your apointed body guard.
Yun returns at the end of the novel as a deus ex machina and kills Jianzhu in an admittedly badass way. 10/10. However, Yun is dead, reappears as a ghost, then earth bends. The possibility of this within the fiction is near zero UNLESS FC Yee is trying add to the lore of spirit magic and bending. To that I say “Learn to be a better writer first.”
Kirima is an okay character. We traditionally see water benders as good guys, but she is a tough leader of a gang of criminals. Again we are told that, not shown. 5/10. Mid teir.
Wong is a worse comedic relief than Sokka. Where Sokka learns to become a leader from a close minded sceptic and redeem this quality, Wong is indistinct from any other background earth bender. He eventually becomes Kyoshis earthbending teacher and he starts to fill out a teacher role but is still indistinct. Up until this time, he carrys no air of educator at all. Remember, he’s a pirate criminal. This turn of character seems to come from the team learning that Kyoshi is the Avatar, something she kept secret. But Wong is the only one who changes their behavior based on this. Meeting the most important person in the world doesn’t effect them, I guess. Doesn’t seem reasonable.
Lek is a kid that idolizes Kyoshi’s parents, but acts out like a toddler when she speaks poorly of them. I am left feeling disatisfied by a criminal outlaw that throws tantrums when someone speaks ill of their pseudo mommy and daddy. Lek is poorly written as a rival to Kyoshi, if if fact that was Yee’s intention. You see it in their banter and interactions. Lek is killed by a poison that only incapacitates all others effected. It was like the author needed him to die real quick and didnt know how to do it, but also didn’t want to rewrite the chapter.
Now is a good time to mention that characters can be annoying to other characters, but they should not be annoying to the reader. Doing this is a form of self sabotage. Its like serving up raw eggs for breakfast on purpose and calling it art. You just wouldn’t do it.
Lao Ge is poorly written too, despite being an interesting character idea. Lao is meant to be Kyoshi’s spiritual leader in this story. He leads her to the ancient technique of prolonging ones life with spirit magic. But this man reads like an embarassing drunk uncle that no one responds to when he speaks. He acts like he’s cool, wanders off constantly and returns covered in blood to a group thats asks no questions. Criminals still ask questions. In fact, they are more paranoid on account of being criminals. For example, there is a scene where they leave without him and realize they forgot him and have to go back. This scene amounts to nothing. Why was it in the book? Whoops, he’s also a master assassin. We are told this over and over but never see it in action. Boo. Don’t suggest violence. Show us violence.
Why is this group of criminals still together anyway? They lost their leaders, Kyoshi’s parents. Wouldn’t the find new jobs? Thin the herd. Theres too many characters.
Jianzhu acts more suspicious after he is identified as the villain which is a trope found in childrens television to remind children he is bad now. The fact it is here insults the readers intellegence. His villain motivations are not explained well. Does he care more about identifying the Avatar than his lifelong friend Kelsang or the life of the innocent? Also, a villain doesnt need to kill someone to be identified as the villain but youll find that trope here too. Clever writing can remedy this all the same. He does do cool evil guy things, but they are explained after the fact instead of showing him coniving these schemes and putting them into action. His death is awesome, but his final confrontation with Kyoshi is not spectacular. There is no final battle like one might expect. He the one that ghost Yun kills.
It is unclear if this book is meant for a YA reader audience or the adult audience that watched ATLA as kids. The story is grittier, bloodier and violent with explicit deaths and torture. All the while bearing a sheen of squeeky clean Nickelodean dialogue and unfunny humor that has an obvious limit. The book says they swear, but the exact words do not show up in dialogue. Characters are impaled and gored, but the 3rd person narration takes breaks from descriptions of this for quippy commentary on the things happening. Who says these things? Kyoshi? But its in third person. This clashes with the perspective and shows indecision on the part of the author.
The perspective is stuck between 1st and 3rd. 1st serves better for the YA audience where Kyoshi might think these quippy things to herself or have thoughts that help the reader understand context better. 3rd person would serve the adult audience better with a matter of fact telling of the story. Maybe even change between characters in some chapters and fill in some of these gaps. Instead the book strattles the line between these two perspectives and suffers greatly. You have humorous commentary and scene descriptions coming from the same source. It breaks immersion when the reader is stuck wondering who is telling the story.
YA is an oversaturatedand flawed genre anyway. Its almost designed to trick teens into thinking they are reading adult books.
Yee includes too many comparisons, similies and analogies. Each one is meant to create world building, where the text compares a creature in the ATLA world to a situation at hand. But they start coming up too often in the back half of the book. This also seems to rise in frequency as descriptions get vaguer. It felt like Yee lacked the proper lexicon to describe what was happening as the story approached the end. Analogies should be used to explain difficult things, not just thrown in recklessly.
One moment sticks out from this book that reminds me of ATLA. While Yun and Kyoshi are silently trying to meditate before Jianzhu summons a spirit to finally identify the correct Avatar, the two teens speak for a second. Eyes closed, Kyoshi whispers “You know what would be funny? If neither of us were the Avatar.” This captures elements of friendship between the two kids, character humor, and SHOWS these two still care for each other no matter what happens next. Yun’s response isn’t even remotely appropriate, memorable or clever. The opportunity is a total loss.
Another moment of total loss and tonal dissonance is when Kyoshi, Rangi and the convicts go to a hidden secret criminal town that is described as being so cut throat, you don’t even look at people in the eye. Just then the group sees two men collide after turning a blind corner and drop their stuff. Page 224. They exchange appologies, act very polite, and depart. (This is told to the reader, not shown with appropriatly funny dialogue). Lek then explains the two men will meet tonight on the challenge grounds and fight to the death. However, that night at the challenge grounds, you don’t see those characters; a total whiff on Yee’s part. Instead you read about one man bludgeoning another man to death with barehands in pure gladitorial bloodsport. This scene shows the whimsy of ATLA, the gorey violence that Yee wanted and his befuddled attempt at writing something that blends the two.
All of this leads me to conclude the book is for a YA audience, which is unfortunate because ATLA was for everyone; YA, adult and children. It is a children’s show that adults can find a surprising amount of depth and humor in. Yee’s doesn’t hold a candle to the writing of Aaron Ehasz.
The argument that this books is allowed to be bad because its for kids falls apart for the same reason. The expert writing of Aaron Ehazs in ATLA is what imortalizes it to this day; the dialogue, the characters, and the story. ATLA is a kids cartoon by which all cinema and television are compared. This is simply not on that level.
When this level of integrity is left to be followed up by an author with one previously published work, underdelivery should be expected. Kyoshi book 1 is FC Yee’s second published work and it shows. I would be interested in learning more about FC Yee’s past unpublished experiences in writing and qualifications.
So again, this book is like a meeting that should have been an email. The story is not “worth the read”. The historical facts are more valuable. For example, telling someone that Kyoshi’s dad is a pirate earthbender and her mother is a disgraced criminal airbender is a total surprise and sparks good speculative conversation. But the way the novel presents this information is clumsy and ignorant of how rare these circumstances are within the fiction. These historical facts are just as compelling when read on the Avatar wiki page, negating the necessity for a book in the first place. I think this is symptomatic of writing a prequal too. We know enough about Kyoshi to be interested in her character, so the facts about her should be presented interestingly with art and showmanship.
This book leaves me with the sneaking suspicion that most of what FC Yee knows about writing was learned from anime, a genre so polluted its not worth even sifting through to find quality content. Hot take, I know.
His other books on Genie Lo (2017, 2020) are teen dramas with ‘the chosen one’ trope, as the summaries suggest. That must be why that shows in this book. Maybe FC Yee can only write one type of book.
Yee is also not an author by trade. He said in an interview that he works in mobile gaming as the guy who makes “everything less fun by adding stuff to the game you have to pay for.” He went to college for Economics, or so I read on his wiki page.
His book publisher proposed the two book series idea to Nickelodeon, it was not a matter of the creators carefully hand picking a writer. He also only worked with Mike DiMartino. In his interview, he says he did not work with Bryan Konietzko and never even mentions Aaron Ehasz. I believe this is to the great detrement of the story.
I’ve heard that people really liked this book. However, I wonder if that is genuine affection or the same kind of denial Star Wars fans had when the Phantom Menace came out. I draw this parallel because my father was that person. He recomended this book to me and gave it high praise in the same way he did when Phantom Menace released.
The fans, my father and myself included, are starved for any canon ATLA material. Feeding the fans undercooked meals is no way to make a fanbase grow. The ATLA fanbase already got food poisoning from M Knight’s movie. It recovered, but at a cost. I hate to think what might happen after the Netflix show and the animated movie of adult Aang.
I understand that Yee was a fan of the material. In fact, he and I share the same favorite character. So know that this is not an attack on a fellow fan of ATLA, I simply believe Yee is not the man for this job. Avatar deserves better than to be relegated to a YA novel lost in a sea of overproduced assembly line YA content. Avatar deserves a better writer. Save your fine cutlery for fine dining, don’t use polished silver to eat fast food.
To end, I leave you with this: if you want more Avatar content, gather some friends and play the Avatar rpg by Magpie Games. It is the most fun I’ve had in the ATLA world since I was a kid. If you play it right, you get that same sense of magic you got back in 2005 when Book Water came out.
Below is a link to an interview with Yee.
https://thenerdsofcolor.org/2019/07/15/from-fan-to-avatar-writer-f-c-yee-on-developing-the-story-of-avatar-kyoshi/amp/

Letter to my Avoidant Ex - I need your opinions, from Avoidant and non-avoidant people
Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to this message. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at (our last activity together) on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now

Hey, Queefers!!
Fresh Off the Scene Magazine here! We might have an opportunity to interview THE Queef Jerky this Summer and would love to get some insight from the fans on what type of questions you'd like to hear asked to Nick and Dev!!
Please be kind!
Best Regards, FOTS

Letter to my Avoidant Ex - I need your opinions, from Avoidant and non-avoidant people
Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to this message. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at (our last activity together) on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now

Letter to my Avoidant Ex - I need your opinions, from Avoidant and non-avoidant people
Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to this message. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at (our last activity together) on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now

Letter to my Avoidant Ex - I need your opinions, from Avoidant and non-avoidant people
Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to this message. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at (our last activity together) on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now