I have made A F u c k t o n Of genuine progress this week because I'm able to have more according to my dietician. We did discover that mustard is much too acidic for me as it made me very nauseous and gave me heartburn but so far everything else has been a win and I've introduced more food in which helps my ED and obsessiveness. I've even had a coconut outshine bar even though I was really really scared. It's technically just frozen fruit juice but it does have sugar and I had immense anxiety when having it and I cried but I ate it!!!
But. We are celebrating my friend's birthday tomorrow. She wants a chocolate cake. I'm scared to even make it because my ED brain says I'll try to lick my fingers and, yeah, I might. I'm not ready for such a massive step. I can't have that yet. It's too scary, I'm going to have a massive panic attack and that would be totally selfish because then the focus would be on me and my stupid food hang ups and not on my friend and her birthday. She hates her birthday and I really want to make this one a good one for her. But I also feel guilty for not having the cake. It's just too scary right now; I'm so not ready.
I am making progress with fear foods. I had a bagel the other day, I ate the fruit bar, I had some juice. Baby steps are still steps. But I feel like going from that to cake is like jumping from level 1 fear foods to level 100 fear foods.
I'm sorry I just needed to vent. I feel guilty and like I'm a bad friend. I wish I was over all of this, I feel like I burden everyone with my obsessions. I think my anxious thoughts about food aloud more often than a lot of you. I wish I was more secretive because I feel like I bring everyone down with me with my absurd anxieties. Logic says a piece of cake isn't going to kill me. But my brain says it will. Anyways. Thank you all for the support.

I might go into a bit of a rant , but I really need an outsiders opinion on my situation.
For a bit of a background I 21F have been going no contact for almost 2 years with my mother 40F.
Here’s some backstory,
My mother had me quite young, 19 and would later bring up to me how she had a VERY rough childhood and how poorly her parents treated her and her issues with SA at a young age. She never left home and lived rent free UNTILL this day my grandmother had a stroke and my mother took care of her for 1-2 years as her primary caregiver but afterwards my grandfather was the primary caregiver and my mother no longer helped. She claimed to not leave the house because “they needed her” when infact she didn’t provide anything that they “needed” she didn’t pay rent she didn’t help take care she was more of a roommate so to say.
I looked up to my mother very much as a child admired her achievements she was getting promoted at work and travelling to different places for work. When I was 13 she had lied to our family about going on “work trips” when in reality she was hooking up with a very wealthy co-worker . She ended up getting pregnant and lying to my dad and me and my sister saying that she had to go on work trips while she was visiting this rich man and going to baby appointments. She told my dad she cheated on him 1 month before she gave birth and me and my sister 1 week before. Now I should mention I saw my family as a near perfect family everything was very good.My dad forgave her and accepted this new baby like his own child.
My mom lied to her baby daddy (the rich guy) and said that my dad had left her, my sister and I and that my mom lives all by herself in her own home and has no job. This being the opposite of what’s being true. The man agreed to pay her to be a stay at home mom and pay all her “bills” my dad paid all the bills and they she lived rent and bill free. She would go to see the rich man for a 2-3 weeks at a time in a different city than come back to the house me and my sister and dad lived in with our grandparents for 1-2 weeks than repeat the cycle.
She ended up cheating on my dad again a year later with the rich man after promising they had nothing going on to me and my dad. I would beg her not to sleep in the same bed as the man when she would take the kids over to his house. As a 13 year old child.
She truly lived a double life. I never knew when she would come back and I was left to do all her motherly stay at home mom duties and raise me and my sister because my dad worked so many long days and nights.
Our relationship never got better and she expected me to help her out with the new children. She ended up cutting ties with the rich dude and would bring the kids to his house on weekends but return home always.
I had alot of personal trauma involving SA at the age of 14 and a lot of mental health challenges.
She tried to kick me out at 15 and when brining this up to a councillor they almost got me taken from the home. I was in and out of mental wards and picked up a drinking addiction from a young age because of the SA and how the treatment from my mom was.
She decided to take my debit card while I was in a mental hospital and spend 120$ on food for herself. When I came home she let the children break 300$ worth of my makeup and make the most disgusting comments.
She made me miss days of my school so I could watch my youngest sibling while she took my other sibling to school. I fed, washed and the youngest child even needed me to hold his hand while I put him to bed. She expected me to be another parent I even attended every single doctors appointment for the children she had with the rich guy when their own father never attended it was me who did.
There was a time where the baby daddy had cut off her money and she refused to get a job so I ended up paying for dinners gas coffee runs, outings and my younger siblings whole 5th birthday party.
This whole time she would taunt me when I was sad she would get almost excited to see me super sad one time I had overdosed and she kicked my limp body to see if I was dead. Terrible things.
No matter how helpful how supportive I was through her custody battle how much money I spent as a young girl to I was about 17 doing all these things btw, she never showed love to me she threatened to kick me out if I didn’t get a job but I did make very decent money doing online things for money I won’t disclose but it was nothing sexual.
I did whatever she wanted because I was so desperately looking to be loved and wanted.
I finally had enough of her toxic abuse and always blaming me for everything using me as the escape goat and threating that I would be on the streets so I moved out at 19 with nothing but a mattress and a fan no help from my parents at all.
3 months into moving out my grandmother had sadly passed away. My mother invited a women who no one in our family has ever meet before to my grandmas open casket. She was already bringing a friend for support but felt the need to bring a women she’d only known for 2 weeks. I told her how uncomfortable I would be sitting next to a women I never met since this was a private family matter and no outside people that didn’t know my grandma would be coming. She picked bringing this women over my feelings I was heartbroken and sad about my grandma and no one supported me. My dad later on told me if I had a problem with my mom brining the friend I wasn’t allowed to go. After this I cut all ties with my mom and whole family.
A year after I cut all ties and no communication my mother randomly showed up at my doorstep with my two younger siblings both under 8. Saying they wanted to play at the park with me . I hung out with them at the park because I didn’t want this to be a bad memory for them and it’s not the childrens fault. This went awful my sister saying “how many birthdays have you missed now” obviously a line fed to her by my mother. Since she’s to young to come to that conclusion.
I recently after almost 2 years got back in contact with my dad and he’s really wanting me to have communication with my biological sister but I really don’t want a relationship with anyone but my dad and my two younger siblings.
So the question is what should I do my mom is a very toxic person but apart of me just wants a mom and wants to feel loved and wanted by a mom but I don’t think she can do that I’m just so confused and need help. And I’m not interested in a relationship with my sister but my dad really wants one and I have a really goood relationship with him now and don’t wanna make him sad.
If you read this whole thing thank you so much

I'm not okay.
I'm 33m, from Tel Aviv, Israel. My country is at war, and committing a genocide. At least I'm not at the front, killing or getting killed. I've been collapse-aware for a while now (several years), but all the new info from the past months sent me spiraling. I'm pretty sure we'll all be dead within several months, or a couple of years tops. The only thing on my mind 24/7 is our impending collective doom. The end of everything and everyone I love. Extinction. It's too much to comprehend.
Meanwhile people around me are having fun, having babies, enjoying the "nice" weather, planning vacations. It feels unreal. I try to warn them (as gently as I possibly can), but nobody wants to listen. They think I have a problem. They want me to see a shrink. They want me to fix myself. Yesterday my girlfriend, who's considering leaving me, told me, in tears, "I want you to be normal again." And I get her. But isn't normalcy the fucking problem?
It's her birthday tomorrow and I need to do something nice for her with money I don't have if I want to save the relationship. I can't stand the absurdity. Feels like celebrating a terminal cancer diagnosis.
I'm rambling. I don't even know what I'm saying. I'm afraid of losing everything and everyone. I'm afraid of dying a horrible death. I'm in a bad place. Can someone please offer me some wisdom? Some support? No one IRL will. Please.

Hi I came to visit my husband for his birthday and our anniversary. I am due to leave in a weeks and I can see my husband is struggling. He lost his sister this year, his grand baby is in the hospital and he wants me here to support him. I had every intention to leave as I have a house, car and job, but it’s killing me seeing him like this.
Question is, can I adjust my status while my I-130 is pending?
Thanx for any advice, I don’t want to make the wrong decision

39wks +4 as of when I am posting this.
Pregnancy has been so rough and so not magical...the entire time. I swear time has stopped the last 2 months and I was beginning to go to bonkerville playing this waiting game.
I swear I was going to have to be induced. No signs whatsoever, except feeling "off." Midwives told me it was my boredom and thinking too much about the baby, but something was...off.
39wks +3 is my partner's birthday. I went to the store to pick up a few things to decorste and surprise him. Was still feeling "off," but nothing I couldn't work through for the 5min drive. Had two people at different times stop me in the store to tell me to be careful and they were sure I was close enough to have my baby in meijers. Weird weird. I waddled myself a little faster through the store and got home (forgot chips for my dip 😭).
Decorated the kitchen for his bday, but was having a hard time getting around, so I took a 2hr nap. Woke up to the bloody show and contractions 20min before he walked through the door!!
Happy birthday! Haha. Got him some sphere ice cubes for our first drink together when she is here. Unfortunately, she missed the mark on being born on his birthday; however, we have a cute little story about how she gave her dad a birthday surprise.
12hrs into early labor contractions. Feeling spicy. Hopefully she will be here soon and we will have two birthdays beside each other.

My BF (32m) and I (28f) have been together for nearly 5 years now and have lived together for nearly 3 years. Yet my family keeps acting like he doesn't exist.
For some background: my mom and I have a rocky relationship since we started dating because "she felt like I was leaving her behind"(her words). My mom threw me out after an argument, so my bf and his family helped me pack my stuff and we moved in to our appartment together. It took a year for her and I to reconnect but during that time, my mom spread a whole lot of nonsense to anyone who would listen about how my BF was a villain and I was an ungrateful child that got swayed away to God knows where. Due to this there were a lot of family events where I would be invited but he would not even be mentionned even as we had already been living together and dating for over 3 years back then.
Now on to the actual story: My cousin (M29) who I grew up with got married last year to his wife (25f). My BF had already been officially introduced to them as my BF and they had been around eachother and all laughing together at small family gatherings. BUT Both of them knew and had met him long before I ever did. They weren't friends but my cousin met and saw him at several events and his wife actually went on a first date with him years ago through a dating app. They never saw eachother again after the one date due to personal preferences and because she was much younger than he thought she was.
They didn't invite him to their wedding claiming they didn't know him but there were people there that they didn't even know personally. No one said anything or asked why he wasn't invited. Don't get me wrong, I fully believe that you can and should invite only those you want on your big day, but them pretending they didn't know him did something to me.
Then a couple months after their wedding they had a baby. Despite sending messages I only met my nephew on new-years eve, nearly a year later after everyone else had met him. And then I heard stories about how they told other people that I never showed any interest in their baby. Now a month ago they sent me an invite for his 1st birthday, they did not include my BF and asked me if I knew if my family (mom and brothers) would be there. I had to remind them that I don't know since I haven't lived with my mom and brothers for over 2 years. My nephew got sick so the party got canceled. Now that baby is better and my cousin's bday is coming up they made a whatsapp group inviting their side of the family, my mom, brothers and me but again, no mention of my BF. My BF hasn't shown in anyway that he cares but I'm starting to be worried that there really is something wrong.
I don't know if maybe I should talk to my cousin and ask if something is going on or if I'm just missenterpreting things.
So, AITH?
Ps. Please be kind in the comments, I'm not trying to start an all out war.

Can’t decide what I want to do for my 21st birthday that’s this week! I was going to get drunk of course but at the beginning of the year, I found out I was pregnant and I obviously don’t want to do anything that can harm the baby. I was thinking maybe a place to eat but I’m not sure what type of food I want, or maybe a place like Main Event? (If you don’t know what Main Event is, it’s basically an arcade, laser tag, bowling alley all in one kinda thing) But I’m still not sure as I haven’t really been able to celebrate much of my birthdays the past few years and have been too focused on all my doctors appointments so I hadn’t realized my birthday was so close. Any suggestions help, thank you!

I am looking for a lady between 25 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner, training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with an avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or at a football game and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I'm looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus, emotional and intimate compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals and ideally, you do too.
Apparently in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well.
Second, intimate compatibility. I am rather insatiable and love to experiment when it comes to the bedroom, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, this kind of fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. I found the term 'filthy best friends and partners' to be a perfect description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
I’d prefer to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself.
Caveats

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I don't want children and had a vasectomy
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

I'd love it if you could give it a try and tell me what you thought, even constructive criticism. I am very new to writing, and this is my first fic ever <33
Attached is the link and the summary from Ao3.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/55248685
"Onwards", Dumbledore had said.
Harry thought Onwards meant towards his lost family. And he had wanted that bad.
Onwards it is, he decides in one moment and finds himself seated in a moving train in the next.
Harry assumed it would take him to his lost family, —and it did. It did, dont get him wrong.
But it didn't really. He walks out onto the platform when it stops and he wakes up as a crying newborn fresh out of Lily....and there goes the rest of his life.
Except, he had been totally unprepared for how empty this new and strange life felt, so totally different from his old one and yet still so much the same. When he'd realized there would be no Lord Voldemort coming in for afternoon tea and a quick Avada Kedavra or two on his first birthday or anytime after, he had sighed in what he's sure was relief and certainly not disappointment he tells himself.
And then, THEN, in fifth year, he finally meets Tom fucking Riddle of all people, and its as a little baby first year.
And when he feels his heart beat fully for the first time he bravely (foolishly) decides to try his best.
So it ends, as it always does, with love and happiness.
(Or does it)
Oh eventually I suppose.

General
I am looking for a lady between 28 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I tried to be as concise as possible while still providing what details I think are crucial to know; I realise this post turned out very long, but I prefer those because I can get as good an idea as possible with detailed descriptions, bar actually talking to the person, and find that very valuable, so if that also applies to you, that would be awesome.
Basics
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner (ranging from 5k to full marathon), training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with a fearful avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or in the stadium watching football and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I am looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus (and there have to be at least a couple things we have in common), emotional and sexual compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals (some of which in quite a litteral sense as they make for really amazing pillows) and ideally, you do too.
There is a saying that in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly, like I said, need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well – this just to put the picture I'm (somewhat haphazardly) trying to paint into perspective.
Second, sexual compatibility. I have a high libido and I have kinks, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy them together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, sexual fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. Someone on here has coined the term 'filthy best friends and partners' which I have no shame to be stealing because it's such an apt description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. I love the relationship model outlined in Stan Tatkin’s ‘Wired for Love’ and you should, too. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. I know codependency is the latest thing everyone’s afraid of, but experiencing someone you’ve grown very attached to just bailing because they’re counterdependent and can’t stand working on themselves while simultaneously letting you in is something I’d rather not go through again. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere. If you think’s it’s okay to lovebomb someone and then leave after a couple of months with the minimum amount of information and no proper conversation because you’re not ready to own up to what’s happening to you emotionally, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, be opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: many childfree people seem to be adventurous, but that is a trait I don't associate with myself at all. I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, seeing them change around us, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side (albeit not regarding height), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
The natural progression for me would be to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but having my heart broken because I already developed feelings due to a longer timeframe and then everything unexpectedly turning to shit is not something I want to have to live through again. I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself, I unfortunately had to learn that
Caveats/Possible red flags

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

Spoilers ahead…
Dear Karthik Subbaraj,
Congratulations on yet another interesting movie, and for resisting the impulse to name this one, too, after a food item. Iraivi is an unusual feminist film, in the sense that it’s seen entirely through the prism of sympathetic male characters. Your men aren’t monsters who drink or cheat on their wives or subject them to torture. They do these things, yes, but… differently. Arul (SJ Surya) drinks, but only to drown out his sense of failure – he’s a director and his film is in the cans, being held hostage by a sadistic producer. Michael (Vijay Sethupathi) has sex with Malarvizhi (Pooja Devariya), and he continues to lust after her after his marriage to Ponni (Anjali) – I love that all your women have names that suggest classical heroines, including Arul’s wife Yazhini (Kamalini Mukherjee) – but it’s a marriage he committed to in a hurry and he still hasn’t reconciled himself to it. He’s being a bastard, certainly, but he’s not a one-note villain. And the torture they inflict isn’t the stubbing-a-cigarette-into-the-wife’s-bare-arm variety. It’s more mental than physical.
So we get women who are collateral damage – and I include Arul’s comatose mother (Vadivukkarasi), and the nurse who’s not allowed to do her duty – of men being men. They’re being babies, really. Yazhini tells Arul that he should get on with his life, write another story, make another movie. He says it’s like her trying to have another child while still pregnant with their daughter. (Yes, all these men end up with girl children.) He’s a wallower – but maybe all artists are. You like to do that, don’t you Karthik? Even in a film like this, you deliver a commentary about filmmaking and the artist. Why, even Arul’s father is a sculptor, and though we never see him ill-treating his wife (thank you for sparing us the clichés of raised hands and raised voices), we’re informed that he’s responsible for her state. His son’s following the father’s footsteps. Maybe you’re trying to say that the wives of obsessed artists are doomed to become collateral damage. Your films make us think, Karthik, so thank you for that.
All your stories have at their centre a filmmaker, or at least (in the case of your first film, Pizza) a storyteller. And through them, we seem to hear your voice. “Works of art should not be in places where they are not respected.” “Namma padam pesanum, naama pesa koodadhu.” You compare masala movies to a massage with a happy ending. (I laughed, but please don’t judge me when I say I rather like massages with happy endings – I refer to masala movies, of course.) We even get a line of dialogue about Dolby Atmos. (What will the B/C-centre audience make of this, Karthik? But then you don’t really give a shit, do you? More power to you.) And you like your insider jokes. That crass, egoistic producer who does not care about art – he reminded me of the crass producer from your earlier film, Jigarthanda. You like Rajinikanth too. You referenced Thillu Mullu in Pizza, Thalapathi in Jigarthanda, and now you have Arul singing Malayala karayoram, Michael singing Oorai therinjikitten.
Or is that more of an Ilayaraja homage? You like to keep the audience guessing, right? When the Bobby Simha character in Jigarthanda said he was a Shankar-Ganesh fan, it appeared that you were mocking the endless Ilayaraja nods in Tamil cinema, but here you are, doffing your hat to the maestro. “Raja Raja dhaan.” Arul says this… twice. (By the way, which is that nightclub which plays Maanguyile poonguyile? Do let us know.) And the reuse of Unnai thaane – first in a scene between Michael and Malarvizhi; later in a scene between Michael and Ponni – is the kind of Easter egg we come to your films for. Let me list some others, though I’ll probably need to watch the film a second (or third) time to get them all. The name of the bachelors’ quarters is Ambal Mansion – it goes with your theme and title. I didn’t get the bit about the windmills (something connected to the gust of wind that makes the row of cycles fall over in the first scene?), or why you showcased the book of Shanta Shishunala Sharif’s poems. (I confess. I Googled up that name. I can’t remember the last time a Tamil film made me Google something up. Madras, maybe.) And despite your note at the beginning that Iraivi is inspired by the works of K Balachander (he made female-centric films, but I don’t know if I’d call them feminist films), this is really more of an ode to Mani Ratnam, isn’t it? Specifically, Aayidha Ezhuthu. The three men, one of them – the impulsive one – named Michael. The film starting out as Arul’s story, then becoming Michael’s story, and finally Jagan’s (Bobby Simha) story. The finale with the woman on the train. Plus, the arc of the Madhavan-Meera Jasmine plot was essentially about being easily misled (in the case of the man) and becoming collateral damage (in the case of the woman.) And yes, the rain. All that rain. As though the skies were weeping for these women.
Am I digressing, Karthik? If I am, I’m just following your style, which is the opposite of simple and linear. As a result, I find your films longer than they need to be. (You may feel the same about my reviews.) For instance, I did not care for the scene in the nightclub where a director is felicitated. I realise it was there as a last straw for Yazhini, but it felt redundant. But I suppose they couldn’t be any other way, because you like these shaggy-dog stories that you then embellish with novelistic detail. I love the way you introduce your characters, the time you take with them. Our films lay out characters and their relationship to each other the minute we set eyes on them, but you make us wait to know how Arul is related to Jagan and where Michael fits in and so on. And when it appeared that a semblance of a plot was kicking in (something about Arul needing money to buy back his film), I dug out my phone and checked: it was a whole hour into the movie. Borrowing an image from Malarvizhi’s profession (oh wait, she’s an artist too; she’s literally an artist), it’s like daubs of paint slowly forming a bigger picture.
And you really like an expansive canvas. Not only does the crass producer have a brother, you also bring in his wife later on, to conclude a deal he began making. These segments practically form a mini-movie, with another woman left reeling by the actions of her man. Your films have this… density. They’re packed – with characters, with complications, with information doled out in bits and pieces. (A character says, “Un kitta onnu sollanum.” And instead of hearing what he has to say, we cut to someone else.) Take the scene where Michael asks Arul for money he is owed. You just need to get Michael to Arul’s antiques shop, so the next part of the plot can be staged. Arul could have told Michael to collect the money at the shop. Instead, this is what we get. Arul tells Michael to wait for a week, when he can get the 50 lakhs he is owed. Michael says he wants only 10 lakhs. Arul says he has only 8 lakhs, he’ll give the remainder later. Michael goes to Arul’s father, in the hospital. He has only 5 lakhs. And he directs Michael to the shop, to get the remaining 3 lakhs. Your signature intercutting adds to this texture, Karthik. Shots of Michael and Arul’s father in the hospital are intercut with shots of Arul hunting for booze. Shots of Michael and Jagan outside a courtroom are intercut with shots of Arul being consoled by his father. Happenings are stretched and meshed the way they would be in real life, and not compacted according to the page-per-minute requirement of screenplay-writing textbooks.
I could never predict where the film was going (win!), what these people were going to do (again, win!) –though I must admit I found this to be the weakest of your “twists.” The subplot about stealing sculptures, too, I found rather conceit-y, something half-heartedly cooked up to fit with the title and the theme, rather than something plausible, something these people would do. When Michael, here, commits murder, with a hammer, I went, “This mild-mannered chap? Really?” But then, even in Jigarthanda, I wasn’t quite convinced that the characters would do the things they did. They seemed to be puppets of a screenplay rather than credible human beings, whose actions evolve organically from who they are (or at least, who they seem to be).
But even if I am not convinced by the overall trajectory of your characters, I love how fleshed-out they are on a moment-to-moment basis. I loved the scene where Arul barges into Yazhini’s house, after their separation, on the day of her engagement to someone else. In a lesser film, she would have asked him to get out, and he’d have dug his heels in, and she’d have cooled down and… But here, she rushes straight into his arms. And you make us see why. She was frustrated, fed up with him. But she’s also confused. Was she hasty in abandoning this man? Should she move on with another man? Does she even need a man? With just this one scene, you’ve compensated for the underwritten heroine of Jigarthanda. The story arc may be Arul’s, but Yazhini registers as a fully formed character. Similarly, Michael’s arc allows for the delineation of Ponni and Malarvizhi, and through Jagan, we get glimpses of his mother, and possibly of all womanhood as viewed by a compassionate man. And then you say that women don’t need even this compassionate man (poor chap!), that they have to emancipate themselves instead of looking for a penis-wielding emancipator. What delicious irony, given that you begin the film with women talking about marriage, tying themselves to a man!
Or not, in the case of Malarvizhi, who is easily the film’s most interesting character. Her husband is dead, and she doesn’t want love anymore – only sex. When Michael buys her a diamond necklace, she gives it back to him – she can buy her own trinkets, thank you very much. But the character feels shoe-horned into the film, Karthik. I felt betrayed – and I bet she did too – that after a point, she was used simply as a plot device to get Michael and Ponni together, and also to illustrate Michael’s (who is now standing in for all of mankind) hypocrisy. I felt she deserved more. And yet, I appreciated your generosity in fleshing her out like all the others, without judging her. She gets to be the rare woman in Tamil cinema who dumps the man, and the way she lets go of Michael is echoed in the way Arul lets go of Yazhini, with a heavy heart and some playacting. A side effect of the Malarvizhi subplot is the reassurance that Vijay Sethupathi is still interested in making cinema, rather than just massy entertainers targeted at the box office.
Ponni gets a better deal (and Anjali is terrific, raw and expressive in a way she has never been). In a great scene – rather, a set of book-ending scenes – Michael tells Ponni that he was forced to marry her, and she’s going to have to “adjust” to this if she wants to be with him. Much later, she throws the “adjust” word back on his bearded face when he asks her if she slept with someone else. In a different kind of movie, we’d be invited to see this symmetry, stand up and applaud. But you’re too subtle for that, Karthik. Iraivi is your subtlest film. Which is why I winced at the melodramatic lines about men and women, most of which came towards the end. Aan, using the long-sounding vowel, versus penn, with the shorter one – for such a visual filmmaker (this is another outstandingly shot film, less showy than Jigarthanda and probably richer for that), do you really need the crutch of linguistic special effects from another era of filmmaking? Also, when the rest of your film is so allusive, isn’t there another way you can explain the twist without having a character resort to such an inelegant information dump?
And why is it that your films come together more in the head than in the heart? Why are they easier to admire than love wholeheartedly? I used to think it was because your characters are essentially deceitful, self-serving and unsympathetic, so though we were invested in what they did, we didn’t really warm up to them. But here, you have Ponni and Yazhini and Malarvizhi – and they’re still remote. But perhaps this is bound to happen when there are so many people, so many strands, when we don’t follow one person’s simplistic “you go, girl” journey like we do in, say, 36 Vayadhinile? But when the parts are so well-crafted, we don’t complain as much about their sum not adding up to a satisfying whole. I am sure that you will, one day, make that wholly satisfying film, but for now, thank you for these parts. Thank you for the ambition. I felt there were too many songs (some good work by Santhosh Narayanan), but thank you for ensuring that they don’t break character, the way songs usually do when a character speaking in his or her voice suddenly segues into the playback singer’s voice. Thank you for giving us SJ Surya, the actor – I never dreamed he had such a capacity to hold a scene, to hold the screen. Thank you for continuing not to sell out. Thank you for trying to do so much, even if not all of it needed to have been tried. And thank you for making me fight with myself, for not making it easy to decide if you’ve made a “good” film or a merely “okay” film. For now, Iraivi is a fascinating film, and that’s enough.
Sincerely, etc.

Hey apologies in advance for long post. Not entirely sure what I’m looking for but sometimes misery loves company and just want to check I’m not going mental.
So I’m 36 weeks into a very wanted pregnancy after some fertility complications. We’re a bit older so their are kids on both sides of our families already (nieces) I’ve had a bit of a rough time first with sickness and now just with general fatigue, hip pain, insomnia etc. Brought my mat leave forward a bit and will finish this Friday which is a relief.
Anyway I hate to sound pathetic but just been feeling really disappointed with friends/ family and feeling pretty alone. I get everyone has busy lives but I do feel forgotten. No one really checks in and they barely ask how I am, offers of “help” don’t come to anything either even when I specifically suggest something. I have one great friend who does regularly txt/ call but she has two young kids herself and isn’t close by.
My husband is amazing and we’ve both been working tirelessly on our home for that past 5 weeks with DIY tasks and maintenance needed before baby arrives. Both working full time. He’s doing all the really heavy tasks and I’ve probably over stretched trying to help him (I’ve built all the nursery furniture alone at 35 weeks) but no-one else is going to do these things.
But this week has just been really rough and I’m feeling constantly tearful. My line manager works Monday- Wednesday and never even rang to wish me well ahead of Friday or even do the basic line management stuff. I’m working remotely these last few days and my team haven’t even given me a card.
I never had a baby shower or anything as I couldn’t bring myself to have to arrange it myself (that felt too pathetic) and my mum has always been super vocal about how she thinks they’re crass. I wouldn’t have wanted one for presents etc, more just so people could share in my excitement for baby girl.
I have my birthday next week and I’ll be alone as my husband will be working and no-one else has said they are around or asked. I’ve booked myself a massage but I feel sad even having to have done that myself and don’t know what I’ll do the rest of the day other than more chores. My in-laws sent me my present early (they forgot the date of my actual birthday) and it’s a bottle of wine ?!? I don’t drink and I’m pregnant.
I just get so sad when I see folk having these lovely few weeks before baby arrives going for coffee with friends and being supported and loved. I know the world doesn’t stop for me having a baby but I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong.
Anyway it would just be nice to stop crying. Here’s to anyone else who is doing it without that “village” everyone speaks about

Okay, I'm honestly confused to a huge degree so maybe you can tell me where I went wrong and if and maybe why I ATAH.
Since my brother (34) accuses me of treating him badly, here is a caption of the most recent events and most important facts.
GENERAL ASPECTS

• we have a bad relationship since I'm about 12 (he was probably 15)
• we had heavy arguments full of insults and physical fights.
• when I was in my twenties he attacked me which resulted in permanent damage to my nose.
  
• since I moved out we're barely in touch
  
• he stayed mostly in his room when I visited (he still lives there).
  
• every year he blocks and unblockes me, leaves and rejoins the family group. This mostly happens after I text my mother about something I don't think is okay, for example that he took my stuff that were presents or that there were different standards for him and me.
  
• my mother witnessed him insulting and physically hurting me since were young but doesn't do anything and simply states that it hurts her to see our relationship being that bad.
  

THROWBACK SINCE DECEMBER

• two weeks before our grandpas funeral he told me I should not come over after the funeral.
• at the cemetery I told him to speak quieter since what he was saying was something that would cause him huge trouble. He insulted me as a result.
• on my birthday he was there despite me telling our mother several times I didn't want him there. He was surprisingly nice and even had a present for me. My mother pressured me to tell him about my pregnancy. He was nice to me from then on.
  
• my mother told people about my pregnancy and a few weeks later the gender despite me telling her repeatedly how important it was for me to be the one to share the news and experience the reactions. Therefore I let her know how very inappropriate this was and that I wasn't going to share any more information with her.
  
• I texted my brother and told him that I hoped he wouldn't behave as egoistic as she did. He blocked me and left the family chat.
  
• he unblocked me shortly before his bday, so I wished him a happy birthday. He replied "thank you".
  

NOW COMES THE CURRENT WTF MOMENT

• so this morning I see that he texted me last night.
  
• he was telling me there were two options: we'd be a normal family and acted that way or I'd keep on acting the way I do, in which case he'd stop any contact towards me and the child wouldn't have him as an uncle as it would be too stressful for the child. He wouldn't let himself get treated this way.
  

He did not tell me in which way I was treating him badly or in which way my behaviour was wrong. Mind you, I revealed everything that happened up front so I am honestly heavily confused.

• exactly one hour later he texted again, stating that he chose the second option as expected and then he blocked me.

I am honestly heavily confused so please help me out because my first thought was: wtf, is he completely nuts now? My second thought was: wtf are him and my mother talking about me that led to this? My third thought is: I am the one that gets treated badly repeatedly and never saw any apology. I am simply sticking to my boundaries and keeping a distance. So what am I missing here??
So... AITAH for the way I treat my brothefamily?
TLDR: my brother blocked and unblocked me constantly. After telling him to not behave like my mother and spread all the baby news he blocked me. Unblocked me before his bday So I wished him a happy bday. He then send me an ultimatum and decided for himself the answer. AITAH?

My name is Helen, my friend is Hetty and we are both in our 50s. I have a daughter who lives abroad and Hetty has a son who works abroad and a daughter Shona, who is married and lives locally, and who is having a baby very soon. I don’t socialise with Shona, in fact, I very rarely see her, we send birthday cards, and buy each other small gifts. I have always found Shona to be difficult, she is fickle, and always seems to be at odds with someone in her circle of friends. Hetty and her husband, recently bought a new house and invited me and my husband Fran to her housewarming/ barbecue. When Shona arrived at the party with her husband, she said hello to the other guests but barely looked at me and my husband. I was a bit taken aback, but I know she can be difficult, so I ignored it. My husband and I only had a couple of drinks as we were going out early the next day. We stayed mostly in the house, Hetty and her husband mingled and Shona and her husband stayed mostly in the garden. My husband went up stairs to use the bathroom when the incident happened, I was at the sink in the kitchen rinsing some glasses, Hetty and Shona were outside the in the garden when Hetty said to her daughter “ you must ask Helen to your barbecue next week, Fran is working away, you have asked the others, so you can’t leave her out” Shona responded, “I will not be inviting her to my house” I couldn’t believe what I had just heard, before I heard what Hetty’s response was, my mobile started ringing so I had to move away from the window. When my husband came down the stairs, I told him what I had heard, but told him not to say anything. I made my excuses to Hetty, we said goodbye to the other guests, waved to Shona, and made our way home. I have gone over what Shona said, many times and I don’t know why she would say such a thing. As I said before, she can be difficult, but that was beyond rude. I have spoken to Hetty once since that night last week. She knows that something isn’t right, but I don’t know whether she knows, that I heard what was said. How can I carry on as normal with this friendship, after this? If I broach the subject, Hetty will defend her daughter as she has done in the past, even though she knows she has been at fault, and then it will turn into an argument. What do I do now?

Due to neglect from my parents, failing to get me to dentist appointments in school, I had what I feel is probably the worst day of my life...
(TW for mention/details of surgery, hospital stuff, vomiting, and more unpleasant stuff)
Had to wake up super early to go out of town to an oral surgeon, they had to see me almost an hour late because the X-ray machine was down, the topical numbing stuff was probably the most vile tasting thing I've ever tasted, then after waiting long enough that it basically wore off, I got like, ten different injections to numb my mouth and gums and such. Was one of the most painful experiences I've ever had.
Then, I had to sit there for like, 45 minutes, maybe an hour, as they jabbed, dig out, twisted, pulled, yanked, broke, cut, and otherwise removed the remaining eight or nine teeth I had on top. Every jab, every clank off my teeth, the cracking, breaking, and crushing of my teeth, the intense pressure being exerted on my skull as they were forcibly removed... One tooth basically exploded, and I saw some of my blood hit the surgeons face mask...
They sewed up the smaller holes as they went. By the time I was done, I was a massive ball of anxiety. Even though I didn't feel any pain for the most part, the anticipation, all the feelings and sensations, it was just... So much...
They sent me off, and after driving to the ferry, and then maybe a half hour after getting off the ferry, I started to feel nauseous and sick. My arms and legs started going numb. I was getting dizzy.
I'd had some issues with the gauze they gave me, and I wasn't able to hold it for an hour like they wanted me to. I couldn't keep it in place because of the teeth I was missing on the bottom row. So I'd had all this blood pooling in my mouth for over an hour.
Eventually I started panicking a bit, and I had to have my sister who was driving take me to the nearest emergency room. Then I had to wait like two hours in one of the most uncomfortable places I've ever been, while the numbing started to fade and my gums continued to bleed and the pain started to come into play...
There were two different people I'm pretty sure were experiencing some kind of drug withdrawal. One was curling up in different chairs, throwing up several times into a bag, and unfortunately he also made a mess of the chairs he'd sat in.
Then a cop brought in some girl who kept calling out to people that I don't think were there. Then randomly start crying, stop just as fast, etc.
Eventually I got to be seen, they figured out my blood sugar wasn't low like I'd thought. (One of the meds I take can cause it to drop) I was basically dehydrated, dealing with anxiety, and the numbing stuff they used also used an adrenaline thing which was making everything worse.
So they said they'd give me some meds to help with everything and send me on my way. Another half hour or so later, I got everything and I was on my way home.
Unfortunately, that isn't the end of my terrible day... As I'd had all that blood continuously pooling up, I was inadvertently swallowing a bunch of it without realizing, as my mouth was numb and I couldn't entirely control everything at the time.
I'd felt a little better when we got on the road again, but then everything started to come back, all the anxious feelings, the nausea, the numbness in my arms and legs.
I had to tell my sister to pull over, and I basically fell out of the car to my hands and knees and started throwing up a wonderful mixture of blood, spit, and water. It was excruciating...
Eventually I managed to settle down... My arms and legs were still shaking, but after cleaning up we were back on the road. Unfortunately... By the time we'd made it basically back to town, I had to stop again...
This time I was throwing up this awful brown liquid, which I assume was more blood and stomach bile, which is just as pleasant as it sounds... My sister had to stop at Walmart on the way back because her kid needed baby formula, and that's the only place in town that has the kind her baby drinks.
So I had to have her call a friend of mine to meet us there so he could take me home. She was also getting me some stuff I could have without needing to chew, like applesauce, yogurt, etc. but I didn't wanna risk throwing up in the store, and I didn't wanna sit and wait in the car feeling miserable either.
Thankfully, that was pretty much the last of it. One of the spots on my gums is still bleeding a little bit, but it's settled down for the most part. The pain in my gums has also thankfully gone away thanks to some ibuprofen. At least as long as I'm not messing with anything. My cheeks and lip actually hurt more than my gums tbh... Probably due to the fact my upper lip was swollen to the point that my nostrils were almost closed off as well for a bit.
But because of everything else, I basically had to throw out the shirt I was wearing because I couldn't keep from spilling blood on it. As a nice little cherry on top I guess... (Or maybe it's the fact that my birthday is tomorrow 🙃)
This was without a doubt, the worst day I've ever had. I still need to have a couple more teeth put, and I refuse to go through that again. I'm going to tell them I need to be put under to do it, or I'm telling them to do fillings and crowns instead of pulling them.
I feel like this whole ordeal was traumatizing in a way I didn't know was possible tbh... Obviously everyone gets nervous with stuff like the dentist, but I think this has genuinely ruined my ability to go to the dentist anymore.
This past year I've been trying to get my life together, take care of myself, etc, because I decided that I actually want to live. I want to be happy. And I'm taking steps to do that. But God if this didn't make me second guess everything all day...

My family is Indo-Guyanese and have emigrated from Guyana to America since the 1990s. I heavily believe our family is plagued by generational trauma as so much occurred in the earlier generations of our family — leading to this behavior. When my mother was suggested to go to therapy after divorcing my dad as a baby, she was diagnosed with NPD. This fostered her aversion for therapy, also feeling convinced that mental health is something people delude themselves with. My mother and I always had a strained relationship since I was a toddler. She controlled my appearance, destructed special events/days for me (like my birthday), attempted to project her fantasies on me, etc. She also has expressed her wish to die to me multiple times. I'm aware Guyana is 2nd in the world with the highest suicide rates, and that the generational traumas/lack of mental health services do contribute to it. I myself have developed severe childhood trauma from what I've endured from her. However, I will get therapy soon. Did any of you have a narcissistic parent or relative? Or any similar experiences?

Just before last Father's Day, my husband and I welcomed our first child via IVF into the world.
Prior to actually becoming pregnant, BM somehow found out we were doing IVF, and left my husband lengthy texts demanding to know personal procedure dates, demanding to know when we'd give up, and was just being very intrusive.
With that said, once we had our baby... she sent DSS back to us with two Father's Day cards. One from DSS, and another from... OUR baby. She purchased a card from OUR baby. Which sent me into a postpartum crying spell. I was extremely upset. I was supposed to give that to my husband, not her!
What kind of behavior even is that?
With Father's Day approaching, and my baby's 1st birthday, I'm dreading her next moves.

Before I begin, I want to clarify that English is not my first language so my grammar is poor. Sorry for that.
I’m going to turn fifteen this year on July. I’m from Latin America, and if you at least a little bit, you know that for some odd reason in this sub continent is very important to turn fifteen because that’s the age where girls become women, or something like that. It even has its own name (I don’t know the translation), it’s like a sweet sixteen for the Americans.
Well, the problem here is that I don’t want it. I never like birthday parties, and I’m being pretty honest about it. I just made like seven birthday parties, and even then those parties weren’t because I liked the idea; I just liked the presents and attention, but now I don’t even like that. My mother and I have been fighting over this since the year started, and no, I’m not joking or exaggerating this thing; it’s literally what we've been doing for five months.
My mom always dreamed of making her daughter a big party for her fifteenth birthday, and since I’m a rainbow baby and her only daughter, her desire has become stronger as time passes. Even one of my aunts, who is coming with her kids on my vacations, wants to celebrate me with a big party along with her own daughter and another cousin of mine; they both were born in August and are turning fifteen this year, too, so my aunt thinks that is a great idea, and they are fine with it, but I’m not.
I have expressed my desire to just wanting a peaceful day, which for me implies being alone in my room all day and night, watching series and playing video games, not being at a party with all my cousins. Damn, I didn’t even speak to them for like two years, and now I’m supposed to be fine sharing a birthday! My mom and aunt are already asking me how I want the party, and my answer is always the same: “I want that thing canceled.” My aunt and mom always laughed, and that makes me angrier every time. The last time they asked me how I wanted the party, I said something along the lines of, “If you dare to even take me out of my room, I will throw all the food on the floor and lock myself in my bedroom.” It was not my proudest moment, I had to admit. Of course, my mom was angry, and I nearly got grounded, but my dad defends me from her (finally).
Today in the afternoon, my mom told me to choose between two hotels for the party, and once again I told her that I don’t want the party, but she literally told me, “Well, you'll have to put up with it, because your aunts want to celebrate your fifteenth birthday.” Obviously I argue, and we get into a fight, and that leads to me being right here, in the middle of the night, writing this.
The worst part is that this isn’t even uncommon for them. Last year, the same thing happened. I told everyone that if they dare to throw me a party, then that party would be from them, not for me. They ignore me and throw the party anyway, and I stood by my words and just went out of the room to get water. And as you can suppose, yes, my mom gave me a lecture on how I need to be grateful of the things my family give to me.
So, AITAH for not want to have a fifteenth birthday party?

Written 5/8/2024- updates attached below

I tried posting this on kendrick almost a week ago and it got no response, I messaged the mods to ask about Karma restrictions or account age requirements and they never replied. I made a new account and it was the same issue, but I found out last night I wasn’t fully banned, so I figured I’d throw it up and see if anyone finds it valuable. It’s written for people who have no prior knowledge of the rap game/music business. I don’t have to go as hard on obscuring names this time. One of the influencers I mentioned in my last post is known for doxxing and threatening violence against people who mention the many contradictions in their stories. (Sorry for any typos/mistakes I want to go to bed.)
Origins
I believe the current Drake and Kendrick Lamar beef is either completely or partially fabricated by certain industry leaders or the parties involved in an effort to distract from something bigger going down behind the scenes. If you were an influential label owner facing major accusations, and you needed to deflect media attention from yourself, recreating one of the most defining moments in rap history during the social media era would be a way to do it. It also wouldn’t hurt that two of the biggest rappers in the world were already sending shots at each other in their music for years prior. The public consensus is they are simply two famous rappers who hate each other and fighting over the spot for the top like in the 90’s. Only people who were directly involved could paint a more cohesive picture of the whole story. Even when all the cards drop, there is a good chance the average person won’t be able to find direct sources on their own and will continue to support their favorite artists and dismiss any evidence of their crimes like the drizzy subreddit or Ak fans.

As I said the beef between Kendrick and Drake has been brewing in the background for years, with both rappers sending shots and sneak dissing each other over the course of at least 8 years. The most agreed upon origin story is the first diss was the 2016 Big Sean and Kendrick collaboration, “Control,” and Drake responded with, “The Language”. Things stayed relatively lighthearted for a while and both were intentionally vague for many years. Before I go deep into the Kendrick and Drake stuff, it’s really important to examine some of Drake’s prior beefs because they add a ton of context to my theory. In my opinion Kendrick and Co. started scheming all of this some time around Mid 2020-Mid 2022, well after the whole Pusha T beef had transitioned into the Kanye beef.

What exactly started the beef is debatable, but at the time many attributed it to rumors of Drake pursuing Ye’s ex Amber Rose. Unfortunately the timeline isn’t 100 percent clear, and if I included every detail this would be at least 200+ pages so I’ll stick with the important stuff. The ultimate outcome of the Pusha T battle in 2018 was the revelation of Drake’s son Adidon that he had previously been hiding from the world along with getting Ye directly involved in the beef.

Here are some more examples of Drake antagonizing Ye and of him trying to use women as pawns to get material for his diss tracks. The Drake line, “Yeah, I probably go link to Yeezy, I need me some Jesus, but as soon as I start confessin' my sins, he wouldn't believe us," could be a reference to sleeping with Kim Kardashian, trying to double down on his threats to harm him or his family, or it could be a double entendre. Another example is using the name Kiki in another song, which was apparently one of Kim’s nicknames. Some other possible examples include the theories he may have tried the same thing with Kendrick’s wife Whitney around 2020-2021 in an attempt to use as ammo against Kendrick, which I’ll go into later. I don’t listen to much of either artist's music, but there are probably many of other examples in Drake’s catalogue that I’m leaving out. There is also his song Omerta released in 2019, which I'll go into below.

“Your baby mother call me when she lonely My tailor see me twice a week, he like my homie Forever grateful, forever thankful Diamond necklace, but she wears it on her ankle”

(Probably referring to Kim Kardashian since she had a few pictures with her wearing diamond ankle bracelets and was trying to make it into a trend.

“I plan to buy your most personal belongings when they up for auction”

(There were various rumors floating around for a while that Drake was blackmailing Ye with something and he was fighting to keep it from the public. I thought about it and this line might be referencing a sex tape with Kim or her little sister who me was very touch before she turned 18. In 2022 there was a whole storyline on Kim’s show where Ye flies to LA to prevent her second sex tape from being released.)

West Hollywood, know my presence is menacing
Cosa Nostra, shady dealings
Racketeering, the syndicate got they hand in plenty things The things that we've done to protect the name are unsettling But no regrets, though, the name'll echo Years later, none greater
Death to a coward and a traitor, that's just in my nature, yeah
(Drake and Ye both frequented the Delilah Nightclub located in West Hollywood and lived closeby on the same street for a while.)
"I don't carry cash 'cause the money is digital
It's the American Expresser, the debt collector"

(Sounds a lot more like it could be crypto to launder or send large amounts of ill gotten gains. It started becoming mainstream around them)

"Last year, niggas really feel like they rode on me
Last year, niggas got hot 'cause they told on me
I'm 'bout to call the bluff of anybody the fold on me"

These lines stood out because they could be referring to Ye telling the public about Drake's alleged threats a couple months before the songs release. This happened not long after the release of Sicko mode which was towards the end of 2018 as well. Ye was discussing the incident on Twitter and reached out to Drake and Travis to talk to him in private. In the next set of tweets Kanye publicly accused Drake of threatening him and his family in a major way. Surprisingly Ye seemed genuinely scared and amongst his, “crazy rants,” some of the stuff he said makes a ton of sense in hindsight. This also the beginning of his second serious public struggles with Bipolar disorder after being committed in 2016 shortly after an on stage rant where he calls out Jay Z for selling out and says he's afraid he might kill him.. As someone who shares the same diagnosis, I have a pretty good understanding of mania and psychosis and firmly believe that it's important not to write people off right away due to their mental illness. Some of my most thoughtful, creative, and productive periods were inspired by mania. Industry bigwigs have also been using mental illness to discredit influential black celebrities and visionaries going back decades, but it really picked up in the 80’s.

Dave Chappelle has gone into this a lot in the past and claims he experienced something similar before he quit show business and dipped to Africa. Their stories have a lot of interesting parallels if you’re familiar or curious. I remember he actually visited Ye at his house in Wyoming after he was reported to have had a, "mental breakdown," during his presidential run in 2020 thus marking his third breakown in six years.. The reason I put it in quotes is because it happened right after he publicly accused Kim of cheating and delivered his legendary speech on abortion. Dave went as far as going on live tv and telling the public he wasn’t crazy, he was just really struggling because he was the only one at the time fighting against the narrative, which can often be a suicide mission or a ticket to obscurity. These are three examples of someone speaking up and being deemed crazy, two years later came the nazi stuff and I'm sure we'll have plenty in store for 2024.

This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the very common pattern of artists dying or having their careers destroyed either after they try to leave their label or threaten to reveal industry secrets. A few more interesting industry connections I made in my research include the connections between:

T.U.G. records and J Cole's independent label Dreamville are both managed by Interscope Records, whose parent company is Universal Music Group.

Universal Music Group also hac Drake's label OvO label as well as Ye and Kendrick's old labels on their roster before they left to form their own independent labels in 2022 (around the same time the disses between Kendrick and Drake started escalating). Finally Bad Boy Records, which is owned by Diddy, and Motown Records who own Diddy's other R&B label Love Records, are also both owned by Universal. This means every label I mention is currently or was previously owned by Universal Music Group.

Ye tried for years to get out of his contract with Defjam, which happens to be ran by Jay Z who is known to be a close associate of Diddy. Jay would always used his money and power to fight against it. Ye even spoke out publicly on a few occasions, including when he said Jay Z was trying to kill him during one of his concerts. My theory is after years of getting nowhere and having his reputation skewered, in 2022 Ye finally said, "Fuck it," and dropped all the anti- Semetic stuff intentionally in a successful attempt to force his label to into using their morality clause, which requires labels to drop an artist if they're accused of any major controversy that could hurt the label’s profits. For the fourth time in four years the media reported he was having a breakdown. Even though they tried to punish him by cutting off all of his sources of income and freezing his accounts he still managed to bounce back pretty quickly. It was often reported how much he was losing, but it rarely discussed how he still was filthy rich in spite of the retrictions. His label wanted to discourage other artists from trying the same thing. My theory is he might have bought Kim or Kylie's alleged sex tape and used it for his own leverage. For Kendrick, his transition to his independent label ApLang went a lot smoother, but he had to split ownership of his new label with the previous manager owner Dave Free. Sadly it's still difficult for new or more niche artists to establish themselves without the some help.

He may be a lot of things but Ye isn’t dumb just because he has a mood disorder and the guys at the top know this, which is why I think he has really played up his diagnosis when it benefitted him. He’s still one of the most talented musicians in the game and I really think he sees his bipolar like a superpower as he says. It’s like his own invisibility cloak. He can go off his meds for a little, make an album after staying up for 72 hours, go on a “psychotic” twitter rant dropping facts throughout, then start up again once he makes enough news headlines. I think it’s worth noting the first divorce rumors in 2020 coincided with Ye’s abortion speech during his presidential run and the cheating accusations. that led to him dropping out and moving to Wyoming, and a couple months ago in February 2024 he was committed again.

The point I’m making is bipolar is complex, but pretty manageable especially if you have a ton of money to find meds that work for you and a good doctor and can keep substance abuse and stress at a manageable level. I think Ye is smart enough to know this, but it’s just safer for him to really play up the mental issues in the media. He’s proven he can literally say whatever he wants after getting cancelled and the average person is just going to write it off as psycho babble. While bias in health care is a sad fact of society, if you can use it to your advantage I say go for it. It might’ve just kept the microscope off of him long enough to plan his attack.

Ye v. Drake: Quotes of 2018
(Start of the beef, drake threats, and suspicion towards Kardashian family. )

“ It’s not about rap. It’s about family. We have to be close as a family and never let these people infiltrate just for radio spins”

“We need to show the world that people can talk without people ending up dead or in jail.”

”This is a man speaking to a man that has been placed in the program to fuck with Kanye West head and set me up“

”See when you care about your family you don’t let no man push you to do nothing that could risk your freedom“

These first four tweets by Ye were all in reference to perceived threats made by Drake after their beef escalated circa 2018. He began speaking on the industry and talking more about his psych hospital commitment two years prior and how he thought they were going to kill him. It's pretty obvious how the whole thing was planned by the sketchy doctor who called it in and his physical trainer who has a ton of connections to weird shit involving his celebrity clients.

I found interesting that Ye might not have been the first major league rapper whose life Drake threatened. During a similar period of mental illness the up and coming rapper XXXtentacion accused Drake of stealing his flow and dissed him a few times. Not long after he made a post online saying if he dies, it was Drake who did it. There are tons of conspiracies online, but none of the evidence is strong enough to draw a definitive connection. Also while it maybe be coincidental, Kendrick’s latest album Mr Morale also painted the picture that Kendrick was dealing with some serious personal issues. Some lines throughout the album may have been used to bait Drake into escalating, but it wasn’t until The Weekend, Future, and Metro Booming dropped, “We Don’t Trust You,” then Drake and J. Cole dropped, “First Person Shooter,” which was followed a couple days later with, “Like That,” where Kendrick started the chain of events that has led us to today.

Kanye vs. Drake: Quotes of 2020

Summary: Ye runs for president and gets suppressed for saying what very well could be the truth and was immediately deemed insane by the media. Kim did a couple interviews and everything he said was immediatly false. There is almost guarenteed to be some sketchy shit going down revolving her and her family. Ye was absolutely terrified of her keeping the kids away from him and it seems like there are still efforts being made to this day to paint a certain image of him for ulterior motives.

Below are six more quotes from a fan taking a deep dive into his 2020 tweets courtesy of u/ thehatstore42069 on Yeezy
”NORTHY I AM GOING TO WAR AND PUTTING MY LIFE ON THE LINE AND IF I AM MURDERED DON’T EVER LET WHITE MEDIA TELL YOU I WASNT A GOOD MAN,” West, 43, wrote in the tweet, adding, “WHEN PEOPLE THREATEN TO TAKE YOU OUT OF MY LIFE JUST KNOW I LOVE YOU”

"I need a public apology from J Cole and Drake to start with immediately... I'm Nat Turner... I'm fighting for us."

"the utmost respect for all brothers" and said "we need to link and respect each other... no more dissing each other on labels we don't own"

"Ye is constantly trying to tell people that his family does not have his or his kids best interests at heart. He goes on to list others, linking them together with the thinking emoji. These people include rap artist Drake and Larsa Pippen, wife of Scottie Pippe. Kim K is goddaughter to Pippen's daughter, showing how close the families actually are. All of these families that associate with Ye through Kardashian connections, as well as Drake, have been accused of the same thing Kris has. EVERY SINGLE ONE of these people have mixed race children that are groomed from a young age to fuck around with celebrities so the parents can remain famous. Drake on numerous occasions has been accused of grooming girls and then getting handsy on their 18th birthday.”

“These labels want their artists to make them money and they dont care about anything else. When Kanye says things like this in an attempt to expose him, the first thing they wanna do is drug him up and put him back in the studio.”
“Righteous indignation is typically a reactive emotion of anger over mistreatment, insult, or malice of another. It is akin to what is called the sense of injustice. This is how they keep the black man down. Keep people outraged about trivial things and distract them from the real issues in the world. The real problems in the industry. If you tell people enough times that they are unequal or discriminated against they start to believe it. Drug them when they step out of line and toss them aside when the checks run out. Ye is realizing he is pawn in a bigger game, and now that he has all these roots in the game such as Yeezy or the Gap or his music, too many people cant risk (Afford) a Ye who speaks his mind.”
(End of quotes)

Amongst the twitter rant, Ye warned about the predatory nature of record deals and discussed trying to get out of his own deal, and said again how his life may be in danger if it wasn’t already and was doing anything he could to protect his kids. The most fascinating part to me though is the public call to arms he made to Drake, J Cole, and Kendrick on twitter. After inviting them to all link up, he said, “It’s time to get free, we will not argue amongst each other while some guy we don’t know in Europe is getting paid and putting that money in a hedge fund.” I believe if Ye was able to pull off this meeting, there is an ever so slight chance that all four artists might be working together to take down a greater enemy. Weirdly there have been times throughout the last couple years where these supposed enemies were photographed together being friendly or praise each other in interviews, then out of no where the disses would start flying again.

To wrap things up I want to share my a few of my theories about the Drake/Kanye beef

A. Everything is exactly as it seems and the beef is over. Ye let his mental illness ruin his life and career so Drake simply picked another target after Ye stopped putting out disses. All of these connections are just a coincidence and all of this was choreographed to boost Drake and Kendrick’s music sales and possibly distract people from the Diddy trial and possibly the complicated geopolitical issues currently facing the U.S.

C. There is also the possibility that all four rappers are in cahoots and Drake’s dirt isn’t as extreme as people are theorizing, at least in comparison to the rest of the business. This could explain why everything has played out like a movie and how they were able to predict each other’s moves so well. This could either mean they’re all just trying to boost their sales or they’re all trying to take down the “slave masters,” as Ye calls them, and change the dynamic of the music industry in favor of the artist.

D. They may be trying to help their friends in the industry who are being abused or in shitty contracts. I know a lot of famous rappers have done a lot of collaborations with Jhene Aiko and Anderson Paak, who were both signed to T.U.G. records which I mentioned above in the connections to Universal Music Group. Considering they are both frequent collaborators with all of the artists involved on both sides, it’s not unlikely they may have played some part in influencing the takedown.

T.U.G was started by Chris Stokes with his partner Ketrina Askew. Back in the early to mid 90’s were gaining popularity attracting lots of young up and coming talent. They often collaborated with Diddy and his associates. In the 2000’s Raz B from the boy band B2K claimed he was molested by Stokes and his friend Marques Houston, then quickly retracted his claims. Years later he came forward again and said we was bribed into silence and that the rest of the victims were bribed with hush money and had another singer corroborate his story and they came forward together to level the accusations. After some of his former B2K members made fun of him for his claims and accused it of being a shakedown, Raz B revealed Stokes and Houston had preyed a lot of the children associated with the label including at least one of the former bandmates and paid them off.

I thought it was worth noting that the second whistleblower named Quindon Tarver died young in a car crash after mentioning his abuse again a few years prior. He seems to have left the industry not long after the incidents occurred and has few credits to his name. To this day Raz B is still trying to get his justice, while Stokes and his partner Askew, who was also involved in the abuse are still running the label to this day. Askew also has a ton of lawsuits, accusing her of using shady tactics to try to foreclose on houses. (Don’t quote me if a lawyer wants to take a look just google her full name), and has been tied to a ton of LLCs, similar to Drake. This is a good example of a shitty record deal, but I'm sure they have countless other friends in the industry who have even worse. While they were never convicted even Chris Stokes' wife confirmed it to be true.

E. The theory I personally think fits the narrative best and is the most realistic conspiracy is that Kendrick and possibly J. Cole went to the meeting, but not Drake due to his close relationship with Lucian Grange, the president of Drake’s label. Silence often speaks louder than words and this could explain why Kendrick was so ruthless and put so much effort into finding dirt on Drake. Ye, Cole, and Kendrick co-writing would be like the rap allstar team and if J. Cole wasn’t involved, it would also answer the question of whether or not he baited Drake into the battle by asking him to feature. I don’t think Drake is really their primary target though, which would explain letting him off easy. Compared to his bosses and their bosses he’s a small fish. If you take the big guys down you stand a better chance of landing a bigger blow on their operation.

Another really interesting connection is Kendrick and Ye were both signed under Universal Music Group and they both got out of their deals around couple months apart in 2022. As we speak U.M.G’s CEO Lucian Grange, who is often acccused of giving Drake special treatment, is facing charges related to sex trafficking by no other than P Diddy. This could very well explain the timing of it all. The craziest timeline would be Diddy masterminding all of this and using his connections to get it done and all the allegations are bullshit. The guy does seem pretty confident all things considered and constantly posts himself in his Batman costume which could mean he’s a vigilante.

It seems like there's a slight religious angle as well. (Ye and Diddy are both very vocal advocates of Christianity and Drake and Lucian Grange are both Jewish.) Obviously this is a reach, but they’ve been saying rap music was specifically promoted by mostly white label owners in the 80’s to help in the ongoing effort to expedite the systematic oppression of those living in black neighborhoods and the destruction of their family systems. Apparently it was an intentional decision to heavily promote rappers that promoted the very things that were destroying their neighborhoods. (So people know I'm and atheist and have zero agenda, I just thought it was interesting, please stay away from anything antisemitic. War is wrong on both sides.)

*** If my favorite theory is true, there is a possibility the Kendrick and Ye are going after Drake due to their mutual disdain for him and because he’s got a ton of power to dominate the charts and hog the radio airtime like Meek Mill and OG Maco claimed years ago. Even him dropping a record the same day as you could really fuck your album sales up. I’m also sure some of the many rumors throughout the years have had a least some truth and he will most likely snitch to avoid cell block one. I think that Drake could have been instructed to instigate this whole mess in order to draw attention away from the UMG charges brought about by Diddy. Or on the other hand it could be that Kendrick, Ye, and possibly Cole, may have had intel that Drake was going to be involved in the Diddy trial and are just gonna let the receipts show themselves. It might not have been the original plan, but they’ve already accomplished their mission of humiliating him, assuring he couldn’t use his influence to slide through the cracks, and taking over the throne.

Please take everything I say with a grain of salt I have no connection to this world or lifestyle. Regardless I believe all of the knowledge above does a pretty solid job at painting a picture of what may have let up to this and what may have been the source.
——————————-
More details found the last couple days…

Drake and Diddy Connections+Coincidences

Drake- In the P Diddy wig video from 2016 he talks about going to party with Drake, Cash, and The Weeknd in Toronto. Drake is also one of Birdman’s protégées who is known for being a predator and is rumored to have used label artists to lure young women.

Travis Scott- Interview where he comes out and says Diddy tried to lure him. Still has a long history of associating with him, video of him running from Diddy, his connection to Ruby Rose while underage.

Tim Westwood- Diddy had connections with sex offender Tim Westwood who also inspired the Drake song, “Westwood”. They also both were victims of drive by shootings along with The Weekend and they were all facing some type of allegations.

T.I.- Also has been associate with Diddy through the years, in 2021 his kid died and 11 women can forward at the same time to accuse him and his wife of drugging and assaulting them. Clearly someone wanted to fuck his life up. Possibly due to him getting arrested so many times for wild shit and people wondering how he continued to get away with it shining a light on how powerful industry lawyers are. He also had recently talked about having a gynecologist check to see if his daughter is still a Virgin, which sounds like it could have been an industrty secret. Could have been because he worried about someone trying to take advantage of her to get to him? Regardless that shit is fucking insane.

50 Cent- Has been saying pretty much the same thing as Travis Scott and has trolled Diddy for most of his career. It came out that his wife was a sex worker who was possibly recruited Diddy to help ruin his career. It sort of worked, which raises the question if 50 Cent is the only victim.

Ray J- Him and his sister worked with T.U.G. records when they were very young. Chris Stokes in the nineties who had connections with Diddy. He has been involved in a lot of sex scandals and allegedly may have played a part in Whitney Houston's death. (Which is also allegedly connected to Michael Jackson's death and both were deemed suspicious and happened during their final tours when their masters (song rights), became more valuable than their lives. Sony Records and Tommy Motolla, who also abused Mariah Carey when she was trying to start her career. These are just a few of the alleged examples of labels taking out musicians when they were worth more dead, another is the signing of high risk artists and requiring them to get life insurance so they can profit beyond releasing all their posthumous records. Also the ever so common story of the rising star artist that die at 21 after their first album or two.

He also partied with Diddy in Vegas with along Floyd Mayweather and a bunch of other famous industry people and athletes.

Tory Lanez- Tons of blackmail, also was signed by Interscope under UMG. got sent to prison for ten years after trying to leave his label. Also history of SA and and other allegations of violence towards women.

French Montana- On Diddy's label, close with Rick and Khaled, tons of drug and sexual assault allegations, also dated a Kardashian. Generally grimy.

DJ Khaled- Diddy said he could get anything in Miami, either referring to drugs or women, could explain his connections and lack of any notable talent. (New update, he was one of the first to promote Chris Alvarez’s instagram not long after he turned 18).

Rick Ross- Diddy said some weird shit about him and licked his lips and kissed him at a show. Ross is also signed to Bad Boy under Diddy. He ended up getting involved in the current feud and spamming social media nonstop dissing and threatening Drake.

A lot of the back and forth was both of them threatening to release dirt on each other. One strange coincidence I found was Drake recently trolled Ross about the 20 million dollar renovation to his home on Star island, where Diddy is currently residing. It’s rumored back in the day that P Diddy was caught in a room full of rich guys on ecstasy possibly at the beginning stages of a gay orgy. Drake also mentioned in the same tweets about Rick Ross that Birdman owned a house on the island and asked Rick Ross why he didn’t help him out.

Considering Ross is so sketchy and Drake claims the house isn’t that big, that’s a ridiculous amount of money. He may be covering up evidence, or creating tunnels in his house to escape if shit pops off and Drake might know what’s good. Interestingly enough Ross is very close with French Montana and also signed to Bad. He said his beef was related to something involving French, and Drake’s tweet popped up the same day the info came out concerning the Chris Alvarez stuff.

The famous line from U.O.E.N.O.

Meek Mill- “OG Maco called himself defending his friend Quentin Miller by substantiating the ghostwriting claims and agreeing with Meek. He hit up Twitter saying, "Some of us been knew. Meek just put it in the air. Sucks to have to compete with 6 n****s and get compared to”

Meek mill also had a short beef with Drake, some disses included lines referring to TI’s homie pissing on Drake at the movie theater, which is also interesting considering the current case against him. He also dropped a line saying Diddy almost got a domestic charge when he smacked Drake, which could either be saying that Drake is like a woman, or saying he was Drake’s boyfriend/sugar daddy.
( If you made it to the end comment with the number 8)
I thought it was interesting how the beef just kind of disappeared and even Meek said it didn’t seem genuine. Considering the allegations against Meek in the Diddy trial, and his rumored affair with Kim contributing to ending Kanye’s marriage, Meek Mill definitely did some dirt on him.

“Niggas frauds I told the truth, don't ask me shit
All this industry fake enemy and rap shit”

“Money make a sucker that told look trill again”

One of the many chapters in Drake's history in which he is seen paying his way out of trouble and starting beefs randomly.
“Now when that shit went down with Chris, you wrote a check”
This line is referring to Chris brown beef, another beef that was lost to time. All I can remember off the top was someone throwing a champagne bottle at the other’s entourage.

Ty Dolla $ign- Huge feature artist, close with Ye. Grew up in the industry and talks about growing up on the road and being in the studio with his dad and Rick James who was should have already been in prison for life for dragging, torturing, and S assaulting multiple women and children throughout his career and was himself a victim of the industry. May be part of Ye's motivation, considering their recent close working relationship.
The end.
Courtesy of,
The Randomest Moniker