S-bar face mask

Preface: This is for Vedic, Sidereal Astrology.
This took a super long time to finish, but I've finally reached a point where I think I'm done trying to improve it. This part will focus more on how Purva Bhadrapada manifests for individuals.
Nature
Purva Bhadrapada reminds me a lot of Kali Yuga. In Hindu cosmology, Kali is the final of the four ages that the world goes through as part of a continuous cycle of creation, maintenance, and dissolution. It is the final stage before the onset of a new cycle, promising the destruction of the old order and the eventual merging of all into a unified whole. It signifies a time of dual balance before dissolution of individual identities and the reunification of all existence with the divine source. This can be viewed as being similar to the process of individual death, but it is on a universal scale. Kali Yuga is considered the age of darkness and moral decline, where spiritual values deteriorate and materialism prevails. According to Hindu scriptures, Kali Yuga is characterized by widespread social, political, and moral corruption, as well as a decline in virtue and Dharma (righteousness). It is believed that, during this age, human beings face numerous challenges and spiritual tests, and the pursuit of higher consciousness becomes increasingly more difficult compared to the previous Yugas. Just as Kali Yuga tests individuals with challenges to their spiritual resolve amidst the prevailing degeneration of values, Purva Bhadrapada is a cosmic stage where one's truest nature is tested through the weakening separation of the spiritual and the material. Here, individuals are made to confront their deepest fears and desires, burdened with the challenge of facing their true nature and purifying their souls. The emphasis of this nakshatra lies in releasing attachments amidst the seduction of outer freedom and power, mirroring the spiritual trials inherent to Kali Yuga. Yet, despite challenges of degeneration, there exists a unique opportunity during the stages of both Kali and Purva Bhadrapada. Kali is believed to be the best time for spiritual progress and true liberation because individuals can attain spiritual growth more rapidly due to the intensity of the challenges they face during this period, and the same is true of Purva Bhadrapada nakshatra. Both Kali and Purva Bhadrapada emphasize the importance of transcending mundane concerns and dedicatedly seeking spiritual truth amidst the backdrop of pervading ignorance.

The primary nature of Purva Bhadrapada is that of penance and disequilibrium. Purva Bhadrapada is the stage of evolution where individuals are made to undergo intense internal transformation and dissolution, shedding layers of their being in preparation for spiritual renewal and divine return. This process of metamorphosis can be seen as a type of penance, whether embraced willingly or thrust upon them. It offers eventual rewards as they journey towards enlightenment. As the primary nature of Purva Bhadrapada revolves around penance and transformation, individuals heavily influenced by this Nakshatra are oriented towards personal introspection and societal purification, viewing their lives as both a personal quest for growth and an opportunity to contribute to the greater good. Individually, they seek to cleanse themselves of past transgressions and strive for spiritual redemption. They feel personally responsible and remorseful for their impact on others. At a broader societal level, they are driven by a strong sense of justice and a duty to rectify societal wrongs to contribute to the collective upliftment and purification of their community. As such, they often subject themselves and others to extreme physical, mental, and spiritual challenges. They are presented with a kind of spiritual trial of sacrifice: either they can willingly embrace self-denial and endure while remaining detached, or they can create so much desire and fear that it causes them to lose the direction of their souls in the process. While the primary manifestation of Purva Bhadrapada energy is inwardly focused on cultivating self-discipline and perfection, oftentimes to an unhealthy degree, sometimes the focus can instead shift outward. This is where Purva Bhadrapada gains a lot of its infamy; Purva Bhadrapada is revered as one of the most "difficult" and "intense" nakshatras among Vedic astrologers. It is an asterism that gets approached with trepidation due to its somber imagery and associations with themes of violence, debauchery, and malevolence. The negative traits linked to Purva Bhadrapada, such as paranoia, pessimism, and hedonism, contribute to its daunting reputation. And for the most part, the fear of this nakshatra is justified. Not only are these individuals capable of doling out punishment themselves through various means like violence, manipulation, curses, etc., but they can also inadvertently bring out the self-destructive or uncontrolled nature of others. They are the types to cause deep introspection and confrontation with one's own shortcomings and fears, often acting as catalysts for irreversible transformation of character.

In terms of Purva Bhadrapada's inherently unbalanced nature, the trajectory is quite clear. These natives are not the type to do anything in moderation and often have an unstable demeanor and sense of self. They will always be pulled towards the polar extremes of anything, but they can flip on their values rapidly following any transformative event. They may occupy the deepest levels of material saturation, completely lost in chasing fame, drugs, sex, and uncontained immoral activities. Yet, paradoxically, they can also find themselves drawn to the heights of spiritual austerity, sometimes even at the same time they are trying to maximize their material standing. This innate propensity for extremes and contradiction manifests in every aspect of their lives, from their relationships, to their goals, to their beliefs, and to their actions. They are esteemed for their amiable disposition, characterized by warmth, thoughtfulness, and a selfless inclination to assist others without seeking acknowledgment. Yet, concurrently, they are often perceived as self-serving, prone to bouts of ill temper, and housing a proclivity towards ego-centricity. Despite appearing outwardly normal a lot of the time, they can be very eccentric. They are the types to lead clandestine lives, harboring secrets and maintaining hidden facets of their personalities and activities, even to those closest to them. This can make them seem nefarious and untrustworthy. Sometimes this is the case, but despite having a reputation for deceit, many of them are known to be sincere and honorable. Yet, underlying however they are being perceived is a deeper struggle to fully identify with anything. This challenge leads to inner conflicts and uncertainties, as they grapple with their sense of self and their place in the world. They are up and down–left and right, constantly in a state of internal conflict that leaves them questioning who they really are. They can feel like they don't know themselves while still being hyper-individualistic and defensive over whatever their current sense of identity is, even though it is likely to change. These contradictions reveal the complexity of their psyche, where outer appearances often mask inner conflicts and contradictory emotions and experiences. Purva Bhadrapada natives navigate the space where boundaries are starting to blur, reflecting the burgeoning singularity of existence in their minds. Due to this, sometimes they can seem like walking contradictions, embodying multiple clashing characteristics at once. For example, while they may harbor a sense of superiority over others, they can also experience deep-seated insecurity and jealousy. They can like to be critical, but cannot handle criticism. Additionally, they might demonstrate a strong desire for independence and self-reliance, yet simultaneously crave validation and approval from those around them. These conflicting traits contribute to their complex and enigmatic nature, making them intriguing yet challenging individuals to understand to others and themselves.

Purva Bhadrapada's inclination towards extremes extends to their pursuit of goals, as they approach certain tasks with unwavering ambition and dedication. They set high standards and are willing to push themselves to extreme limits to get what they want. This relentless drive for perfection and attainment can sometimes lead them to engage in behaviors that are harmful to the well-being of themselves or others, as they struggle to find balance and moderation. At this point, you may be asking, "how is that penance if they are only striving to selfishly get what they want?" Well, the painful truth about this is that they do not really want these things. They are told by others ignorant to their situation that they will be happy when they achieve some kind of abstruse goal set forth for them by society, and they are sent on a goose-chase of material ambition to achieve happiness, but this inevitably only leads to further dissatisfaction. They are met with pain, humiliation, and harsh transformation, but they keep pushing towards their aspiration of material fulfillment. It is only when they get that job, marry that partner, become famous, etc. that they realize it does not bring them happiness or fill them with the sense of purpose they crave. In fact, this realization often sparks intense anger within them as they confront the worthlessness of what they spent all their time chasing. The journey through Purva Bhadrapada is undeniably arduous, but that is to be expected with such a potent force. They are called to transcend their attachments, lest they be forcefully ripped away. They begin to grapple with an inescapable emptiness they feel when interacting with the world, and this can often lead them to deep feelings of nihilism. Purva Bhadrapada natives are predisposed to being unhappy, and this is not a shallow kind of unhappiness that fades based on external circumstances. Rather, it is a deeply existential depression– a feeling of confused worthlessness and dissatisfaction they often battle with for the duration of their lives. Their experiences and attachments become increasingly burdensome as they grow more aware of the fleeting nature of life amidst the desire they have to get the most out of their lives. These natives openly acknowledge the impermanence of worldly intentions, and this can make their minds unpredictable and unstable. Their newfound philosophy can be used to justify any actions according to moral relativism. This marks the beginning of a test of their true nature as they grapple with the realities of life. If nothing matters in the grand scheme – where whatever you do will eventually fade into obscurity, wiped away with the start of a new cycle – they become mentally uninhibited, feeling free to do whatever they please. The real concern lies in what they choose to do with this. Doing whatever you want only becomes harmful when what you want is harmful. But sadly, the reality is that mast people are not strong enough to fully resist the temptation of evil. Therefore, this trial is exclusively administered to individuals who possess a high level of spiritual advancement. Regardless of the difficulties they face, those governed by Purva Bhadrapada have tremendous inner strength and personal resilience, which often manifests in worldly and spiritual achievement and prosperity in various facets of their lives.

Individuals born under the influence of the Purva Bhadrapada Nakshatra are inherently inclined towards detachment from external influences. This detachment often leads them down two distinct paths. Some choose to embrace a life unbound by societal norms, driven solely by their inner convictions. These individuals seek to experience life to the fullest, embracing both its joys and challenges. However, if they feel unfulfilled, they may turn to darker pursuits in search of excitement. Conversely, others utilize their detachment for spiritual advancement, renouncing materialism in favor of a disciplined quest for higher truths. In both cases, detachment becomes a defining trait, shaping their lives in divergent yet meaningful ways. Whether they become revolutionary leaders or appear lazy due to their selective motivation, their actions are stirred only by what truly invigorates their souls. Their inner character often changes with time. They can often start out seeming quite innocent and fragile, and a lot of the time they will have something about them that invites torment, be it their big and eccentric personalities, their height, their weight, their looks, etc. This often leads people to perceive them as different and vulnerable. Unfortunately, this vulnerability often attracts individuals who seek to exploit, victimize, or corrupt them. There's a noticeable pattern of others attempting to take advantage of their perceived weakness, whether it be through just trying to make them feel bad, manipulating them, coercing them to do things they do not want to, or forcing them to be alone by treating them as outcasts. This predatory behavior can leave these individuals feeling isolated, betrayed, and miserable, further fueling their inner turmoil and sense of disillusionment with the world around them. However, this also serves to strengthen them. During the course of their lives, they will experience a series of external transformations that will change who they are. While their soft and innocent demeanor may still be present in some ways, there will be a new darker side to their nature. The inner transformations that Purva Bhadrapada natives undergo change them into stronger, more hardened versions of themselves. This alteration can manifest in tendencies towards violence, aggression, deceit, manipulation, etc., yet at the same time, it also equips them with the strength and capability to protect others when needed. As they navigate the complexities of life, they become formidable forces, possessing the resilience and detachment to confront challenges head-on along with the capacity to wield their strength for both good and evil.


Purva Bhadrapada natives exhibit a curious mix of flippanse and seriousness, often displaying a casual attitude towards many topics yet demonstrating am air of severe solemnity in regards to topics concerning philosophical and existential matters in particular. They possess a keen intellect of innovation and creativity, excelling in fields like science and research owing to their insatiable thirst for knowledge and a relentless pursuit of deeper truth. While they may have a religious inclination, their focus lies more on unraveling the essence of spirituality rather than adhering rigidly to dogma. As a result of their approach to religion, it can sometimes lead them to be critical of conventional religious practices, which rely heavily on rules and ritual. These natives disdain hypocrisy and superficiality, valuing authenticity and depth in both thought and action. However, despite their outward confidence, they often wrestle with inner self-doubt and a crippling fear of failure, which leaves little room for optimism when faced with setbacks. While they typically prefer solitude, they may inadvertently exploit relationships when seeking to escape the monotony of everyday life. They are driven by an innate desire to transcend mediocrity and be perceived as exceptional and unique. This drive for excellence and distinction stems from underlying feelings of insecurity and a fear of judgment, compelling them to constantly push the boundaries and strive for success through originality in all aspects of their lives. n personal relationships, Purva Bhadrapada natives may struggle to balance their need for independence with a desire for connection. Generally, in their interactions with others, Purva Bhadrapada natives are intense yet detached. Despite their desire for authenticity and closeness in relationships, they may struggle to express their true feelings openly, fearing rejection or misunderstanding. This internal conflict between their need for connection and their fear of vulnerability can create barriers to intimacy, causing them to retreat into solitude or self-imposed isolation. In addition, their critical nature and high standards can sometimes alienate others, as they can come across as overly judgmental or demanding. They do value depth and sincerity in relationships, but they also tend to push others away with their intensity. Despite this, they are often very empathic and understanding and can offer support to those they hold dear.

Before I get into the padas, I want to give some examples. I do not want to go into much detail or take up too much time with this, but given the very complicated nature of this nakshatra, I feel that it is necessary to provide media representations for people to look into if they are interested in knowing more about how it manifests: Martin Scorsese PB Moon and Andrew Garfield PB ASC (Silence Official Trailer (2016) - Paramount Pictures), Billie Eilish PB ASC (Billie Eilish - bury a friend (Official Music Video)), Jack Black PB Moon (School of Rock (2003) Trailer #1 Movieclips Classic Trailers), Dylan O'brien PB Moon (AMERICAN ASSASSIN - Official Trailer - HD (Dylan O'Brien, Michael Keaton), Logan-Marshall Green (Upgrade Trailer #1 (2018) Movieclips Trailers), Paul Walker PB Moon (Hours TRAILER (2013) - Paul Walker Movie HD), Bill Skarsgard PB Moon (The Crow - Official Trailer (2024) Bill Skarsgård, FKA twigs, Danny Huston), Olivia Wilde PB Sun (A VIGILANTE Official HD International Trailer Starring Olivia Wilde) & (The Lazarus Effect Official Trailer #1 (2015) - Olivia Wilde, Mark Duplass Movie HD), John Stamos PB ASC (John Stamos Stars in "Secrets of Eden" Lifetime), Hozier PB Sun (the lyrics and imagery of this video are extremely Purva Bhadrapada) Hozier - Take Me To Church), Kaya Scoledario PB Sun (Spinning Out Official Trailer Netflix), Ryan Gosling PB ASC (THE FALL GUY Official Trailer 2 (Universal Studios) - HD), Camila Mendes PB Moon (Do Revenge Official Trailer Netflix), Bryan Cranston PB Sun (Breaking Bad Trailer), Sabrina Carpenter PB Moon and Milo Manheim PB Sun (Sabrina Carpenter - Feather (Official Video) Alexandra Daddario PB Sun (Anne Rice's Mayfair Witches Trailer: Starring Alexandra Daddario AMC+), Jacob Elordi PB Moon (2 HEARTS Official Trailer (2020) Jacob Elordi, Tiera Skovbye), Tom Blyth PB Moon (Billy The Kid (EPIX 2022 Series) Official Trailer), Daniel Gillies PB Sun (COMING HOME IN THE DARK Trailer (2021) Daniel Gillies Suspense Thriller Movie), Matthew Gray Gubler PB Sun (KING KNIGHT Trailer (2022) Angela Sarafyan, Matthew Gray Gubler), Jon Hamm (Corner Office (2023) Official Trailer - Jon Hamm, Danny Pudi, Sarah Gadon), Rachel Weisz PB Sun + Moon and Sam Claflin PB Moon (MY COUSIN RACHEL Official Trailer FOX Searchlight), Chris Pine PB Moon (MY COUSIN RACHEL Official Trailer FOX Searchlight), Madison Beer PB Sun (Madison Beer - Make You Mine (Official Music Video), Sharon Stone PB Sun (Basic Instinct - Trailer (1080p)), and Michael Jackson PB Moon (Michael Jackson - Thriller (Official 4K Video).

Padas

(mostly for Moon) They all tend to be skinny to middle weight until they get older, where they either become more muscular or plump/curvy.

1st – The first pada of Purva Bhadrapada, falling in the Aries Navamsa, signifies a stage of primal energy and raw ambition. With Mars as their guiding force, they exhibit a relentless drive to achieve their goals, refusing to be deterred by obstacles or setbacks. However, being the initial pada of the nakshatra just leaving the stage of Shatabhisha, this quarter is the least spiritually developed. While they may possess great worldly ambition and the capacity for success, they may also be prone to ego-driven actions and an overly narrow focus on material pursuits. They can get into occultism or spirituality, but it is usually an attempt to further themselves in the material realm. Natives born under this pada possess a combative nature, always ready to engage in confrontations to defend their beliefs or assert their dominance. They tend to be more mentally aggressive than physically, but nonetheless their volatile temperament can lead to physical disputes as well when they are provoked enough. They know they can be very damaging when they lose control, so they will do everything in their power to prevent escalation. Ironically, this can make them seem passive. They typically exhibit anxious tendencies while attempting to conceal or downplay their feelings of worry. Natives of this pada are extremely passionate, but they have a tendency to constantly compare themselves to others, which ultimately can lead them to disregard their efforts to focus on surpassing someone else's. This propensity of theirs for aggression, envy, and competitiveness can strain relationships and hinder their personal growth, as they become consumed by their own desires for dominance and validation. They are usually medium tall with a wide forehead and low eyebrows.

2nd – The second pada of Purva Bhadrapada, ruled by Venus in the Taurus Navamsa, embodies a stage of sensual indulgence and creative expression. Individuals born under this pada are drawn to the occult and mysteries of the unseen, often delving into practices such as astrology and black magic. There is a bit of detachment from the mysticism of it at this stage though. They may prefer to look at it through a scientific or philosophical perspective as opposed to one that embraces faith in the divine. While their interest in these esoteric realms may lead to proficiency in such arts, it also heightens their propensity to lose track of their life's direction, becoming absorbed in the pursuit of hidden knowledge and power. Natives of this pada are characterized by their attractive physique, with beautiful broad teeth and strikingly captivating eyes that draw others to them. They possess an innate charm that makes them highly appealing to the opposite sex, and they are not hesitant to indulge in their darker desires and fantasies. Their creativity knows no bounds, as they constantly innovate and explore new avenues of expression. However, despite their magnetic allure and creative flair, individuals of this pada are prone to indulgence and excess, particularly when it comes to satisfying their sensual appetites. Their pursuit of pleasure and gratification can sometimes lead them astray, causing them to lose sight of their responsibilities and priorities. This stage of Purva Bhadrapada is more spiritually evolved than the prior, but it is still in the accumulation phase of Aquarius and the 11th house. Despite their outward charm, they may struggle to find stability and balance in their lives. They are prone to accidents.

3rd – The third pada of Purva Bhadrapada falls in the Gemini Navamsa and is ruled by Mercury. Natives born under this pada embody the mental side of Purva Bhadrapada, which is very focused on cultivating critical reasoning and gathering information, emphasizing communication, learning, and adaptability. Individuals born under this pada are intellectually inclined, constantly seeking to expand their knowledge and understanding of the world around them. They are playful and curious by nature, approaching life with a sense of wonder and exploration. Their energy is expressed through communication and expression, as they excel in articulating their thoughts and ideas. They have a natural gift for language and may find success in fields such as writing, teaching, or public speaking. Despite their playful demeanor, they are still very serious about their pursuits, driven by a deep-seated desire for personal growth and self-improvement. Natives of this pada tend to be peaceful and honorable, seeking harmony and balance in their interactions with others. However, their mercurial nature can sometimes manifest as manipulation or deceit, particularly when they perceive it necessary to achieve their goals. Nonetheless, they are skilled at navigating social situations and may possess a knack for making money through their cleverness and resourcefulness. In terms of appearance, individuals of this pada may have gaunt lower cheeks, high cheekbones, a narrow and defined jawline, and a medium stature. These physical characteristics complement their sharp wit and agile minds, making them engaging in social settings.

4th – The fourth pada of Purva Bhadrapada is ruled by the Moon in Cancer Navamsa. This is the most spiritually advanced of all the padas and tends to be among the most intense. At this stage, individuals born under this pada have either undergone profound inner transformation, shedding their attachment to worldly desires and material gains for the sake of aligning with the cosmic order, or they have fallen for the empty temptations of material life, leading them to a deeper state of moral decay. This pada in the sequence of this nakshatra symbolizes the finalization of death, and just like when we die, the impact of our lives can no longer be altered. You are called to surrender all you have acquired to the purifying flames of the spiritual fire, relinquishing personal benefit for the greater good, and if you fail, your soul will be lost to another cycle of rebirth. This represents the height of the nakshatra's power to manifest, it can come to be either an uplifting force for individuals and humanity as a whole, or as a potentially dangerous influence. Those born under this pada are deeply engaged in their own spiritual pursuits, usually guided by a sense of purpose and higher calling. They possess an innate magnetism and power that exerts influence over others and the world around them. Despite the intensity of their spiritual journey, individuals of this pada tend to enjoy good longevity and robust health, thanks to their deep connection with the cosmic energies. They are often perceived charismatic individuals, drawing others to them with their presence. However, their innate power comes with a responsibility to wield it wisely, as they hold the potential to bring about significant positive change or destruction, depending on how they choose to channel it.


Caste

Purva Bhadrapada belongs to the Brahmin or priestly/scholarly caste. This classification is based on the inherent qualities and tendencies of individuals born under this nakshatra, rather than their family lineage, as seen in contemporary caste systems. In Vedic astrology and Hindu tradition, each nakshatra is associated with as caste, thereby linking them to specific attributes, occupations, and societal roles. Brahmin is positioned as the highest caste and is given the most power and responsibility, both socially and spiritually. In classical texts, the Brahmin caste is exalted for its dedication to scholarship, spirituality, and moral rectitude. Brahmins are depicted as the keepers of sacred knowledge, entrusted with the preservation and dissemination of ancient scriptures and teachings. They are revered for their intellectual prowess, philosophical insights, and commitment to upholding the highest ethical standards. Brahmins are expected to lead lives of austerity, simplicity, and self-discipline, setting examples of virtue and righteousness for society. Additionally, they play important roles in leading religious rituals, ceremonies, and spiritual practices, acting as intermediaries between individuals and the divine. Their contributions also extend beyond religious and intellectual realms though, as they also provide guidance, counseling, and healing to individuals and communities. Overall, Brahmins are portrayed as paragons of virtue, wisdom, and enlightenment, embodying the highest ideals of human excellence and divine knowledge as described in classical texts, acting as oases of wisdom by guiding society not only in matters of spirituality but also in areas such as literature, philosophy, and science. Their primary occupations are mostly associated with administration of all sectors of society, teaching, healing, and providing spiritual guidance. Its intersection with Aquarius Rashi on the ecliptic plane may also relate it to Kshatriya and Shudra.
Gunas
The nakshatras each represent the different gunas at different levels of functioning. For this asterism, it might be confusing to find out that, despite all of its negative connotations, it is associated primarily with Sattva or purity/balance. This mainly stems from this Nakshatra's capacity for penance, spiritualism, and generosity. Overall, Purva Bhadrapada is associated with two levels of Sattva and one of Rajas. Sattva prevails at the physical and mental levels, while Rajas predominates at the spiritual level. At the physical level, individuals born under Purva Bhadrapada exhibit qualities of purity, harmony, and balance. They are often composed, grounded, and possess a sense of stability in their physical endeavors. Mentally, they tend to exhibit clarity, wisdom, and a penchant for introspection when they are only focused on engaging their rational mind. This can get muddy when they try to incorporate less tangible aspects into their thinking though. At the spiritual level, the influence of Rajas emerges, driving them towards spiritual growth and evolution but also threatening them with the struggle of inner turmoil. With Rajas at the most personal level of the spirit, this can cause a onstant seeking pf external validation and gratification, which leads to things such as constantly chasing after fleeting desires and pleasures from their lack of contentment. Additionally, the intense drive associated with Rajas may result in overexertion, burnout, and a disregard for self-care. It can lead to an inflated ego, arrogance, and a tendency towards manipulative or self-serving behavior. Therefore, while Rajas can propel individuals towards spiritual evolution, it also poses challenges that need to be navigated with mindfulness and self-awareness. Together with the heavy influence of Sattva, Rajas in this nakshatra creates a spiritual restlessness that works to propel these natives to actively engage in spiritual practices, seeking to transcend worldly limitations and attain spiritual liberation. It comes with risk, but this is a necessary trial.


Gana

Purva Bhadrapada Nakshatra falls under the category of Manushya Gana, or "human/mixed species." This designation speaks to the inherent qualities and tendencies of individuals born under this nakshatra, aligning them with human characteristics and behaviors. People belonging to the Manushya Gana Nakshatras, including Purva Bhadrapada, place value on their self-worth and esteem. They often enjoy good physical attributes and are blessed with fortune, leading comfortable lives. With warm and friendly personalities, they exhibit care and affection towards their family, friends, and loved ones, readily offering assistance to those in need. However, they also prioritize their own interests and benefits. They are known for their warm and caring nature, and while they may appear busy if approached, they are capable of balancing their personal and professional lives effectively. The path of those born under Manushya Gana nakshatras is undefined. They possess the potential to exhibit both positive and negative qualities, akin to the diverse nature of humanity itself. They have the potential to be even more evil than the Rakshas and even more good than the Devas. While some may lean towards acts of kindness and generosity, others may display tendencies that are less altruistic. This blend of qualities makes them a complex combination qualities you might see for the Deva and Rakshasa Ganas. Keep in mind that you should look at the dominant Gana in your chart to gain a better understanding of how this may apply to you.
Thank you for taking the time to read this if you did. I will have to continue this in a third part because I'm out of room on this post. Afterwards, I will be starting on Shravana Nakshatra soon, and then later on Anuradha.

I've already touched on the narrative reasons for this in another post, but in essence Uzuki is not the main villain of the series and this should have been clear ever since the flashback arc. However, there is another reason why Uzuki no longer appears to be a threat and I'm not sure why people have yet to realize this.
Uzuki is probably the most ideal assassin in the series in that he is the only person capable of intentionally hiding all his bloodlust. Yotsumura, the former no. 2 of the JAA, said that assassins are supposed to be bland and invisible in their intent to kill. Uzuki is the embodiment of this rule. He is able to completely mask all aggression as shown in the flashback and when he caught Sakamoto off guard at the JAA.
Some people may point to his introduction with the pencil sketch (still one of the best panels in the series and I hope Suzuki brings that style back), but this has been confirmed to be the Rion persona by Shin. Uzuki himself has never shown such potent bloodlust, which is actually a point in his favour even if it is less impressive at first glance.
Now, I understand that some people may be jumping to conclusions in part because Uzuki has yet to fight anyone. Even I had hoped to see him in action a bit more up to this point, but even with this I don't understand why people think he is not a threat. He was able to contend with a young Sakamoto in the past, caught the leader of the Order off guard, and completely destroyed a retired Sakamoto. Most recently he jumped into action just as fast as Nagumo and Sakamoto while having a hole in his lung. He is clearly a capable individual, he is just better than most at hiding that fact (apparently even from the audience).
Now that Sakamoto and Nagumo are in the same position as Uzuki and Asaki is stepping into his role as villain I expect we'll be able to see more from Uzuki's capabilities moving forward. He is and always has been impressive, he just does so in a less flashy and in your face way than most other characters which causes even the readers to underestimate his full strength.

It candidly sucked being surrounded by constant reminders that you’d lost the genetic lottery. Sure, it was easier than some people thought to get around the world without powers; it wasn’t like the government expected everyone to be a speedster or to be able to fly. Hell, a hundred years ago, nobody even had powers. The infrastructure was there. Life went on.
That said, staying cheery about the hand I’d been dealt was difficult. Enhanced perception was useful for a lot of things, from party tricks to always reading the fine print, but next to flight? Next to teleportation?
I’d gotten hung up on movement powers because I’d taken the bus to the bar, and the only superpower buses had was being late.
I was specifically at the bar for the sake of a blind date set up by my best friend; Todd was about two times my size and could throw a car across the street. His powers did nothing to help me with his current obsession with my dating life, but here we were. I supposed it was a fair obsession. I hadn’t been trying.
It honestly made sense that Todd had been keenly aware of romance since he’d met his soul mate. See, a strange thing with powers was that when you were around your soulmate, they were inexplicably stronger. Todd had met Soo-jung when she’d been on vacation in Crescent three years ago. They’d been inseparable since, and he’d been able to throw a car down three blocks instead of across the street.
Or so he claimed. Nobody was eager to volunteer their car for a demonstration, or anything else heavy and expensive, for that matter.
For my part, I hadn’t spent a lot of time guessing what would happen if I met my soulmate. It was a common train of thought for some, but I never found that it stopped at any fun stations. Instead, I indulged Todd’s meddling because he was my friend and bad dates at least made good stories.
“Gimme a sec, I’ll grab us another round,” Todd announced as he pushed out from our table. “Emma said she’s going to be here soon.”
“You bought the last one.”
“Yeah, now you can buy two in a row once Emma gets here and look generous. Think about it, man.”
“Sure,” I answered, but Todd was already walking away from the table and toward the bar.
Soo-jung leaned in. “You know he’s trying, right?”
“I know, maybe a little too much.”
“You don’t hear the half of it.”
“Oh, good.”
“I had to tell him to calm down when it came to buttering you up to Emma,” Soo-jung explained as she took a sip from her drink. “Sometimes I wonder about him.”
“I’m surprised he says anything nice about me.”
“He’d never say it to your face.” She watched Todd at the bar instead of looking at me during our conversation.
“Does that mean you’ll do it for him?”
“He trusts me to keep his secrets.”
“How about I suggest things and read your reaction?” I asked.
Soo-jung frowned in response before she pointedly rolled her eyes. She knew that reading reactions was one of my party tricks. If you couldn’t be powerful, you could at least read a room.
“Okay, fine. What do you know about Emma?”
“Her last name’s Tavish.”
“That’s it?”
“She works with Todd.”
“I knew that. He kept telling me she was a co-worker.”
“Todd thinks she’s cute.”
“He told you that?”
“No, but he has high standards for you.”
“That’s all the detail you have?”
“Todd’s not allowed to talk about work at hom- Hey, honey.”
Todd was back at the table holding all three pints in one arm; he passed one to each of us despite Soo being less than halfway finished with her current drink. Once he’d finished distributing, he turned to Soo-jung and asked her a question in broken Korean.
He’d been trying to learn, and he was still struggling. Not that I knew the language.
“Yes,” Soo-jung responded in English, “we were talking about Emma; no Korean around Toby. It’s rude.”
“I thought you wanted me to practice?”
“You can practice at home.”
“So we were talking about Emma,” Todd jumped back to the previous topic instead of discussing his inconsistent study of Korean. “Awesome woman, perfect for you, man.”
“What makes you say that?” I asked.
“Oh, she sucks too.”
“Ah, thanks.”
“He means powers-wise,” Soo-jung stepped in.
“So you do know something about her,” I pointed out.
“Something? I’ve been telling Soo everything since we got in the car to come here.” Just as Todd finished, he flinched. Soo had kicked him under the table. “But it wasn’t much, really.”
“What do I get to know?”
“I don’t want to taint your expectations.” He pushed his empty glass away, swapping it with the new one. “But can I be serious for a second?”
I considered it. “Sure.”
“She’s like my boss’, boss’ boss. So best behavior.”
“Wait. Seriously?” I leaned in. Todd worked for the CPRU, which meant that she had to be a heavy hitter if she was high ranked in the city’s power regulation department. “She’s—”
“Not quite.” He backpedaled. “We share a building. She’s straight DPR.”
I blinked twice at that. “Way to set me up to fail.”
“You should believe in yourself,” Soo cut in.
“Todd I w—”
“And she’s here.” Todd had turned his attention away from me and toward his phone. “Hope you’re ready to meet your soulmate.”
“Honey, don’t set that expectation.”
The bar’s front door opened, and I was the only one who could hear it over the atmosphere. I glanced over, and there she was.
She was stunning by any definition, but especially mine. Maybe it was a strange way to describe someone, but she looked beautifully meticulous, from brunette hair to olive skin, to her light blue jacket; everything was in place, and everything about her was gorgeous. Assuming that was Emma, I owed Todd big time.
“Okay, that can’t be her, right?” I asked Todd. After a second, without a response, I checked to see if he was waving at her, but he was stock still, a stupid grin plastered over his face. “Todd?”
Holy shit. The DPR had some crazy people on their roster, but this- I waved a hand in front of Todd’s face and snapped my fingers, then caught the sound of a single cautious heel clicking against the floor.
I stood up from the table and looked back at the door. She’d taken one step into the bar but had gotten caught in the same shock I had. “Emma?” I asked.
She snapped her attention to me -god, her eyes were- but she just looked confused.
“Toby,” I explained, “I’m Todd’s friend.” I motioned over to Todd’s still body and took the first steps to say hello. “This is really impressive. I didn’t think this was possible. It’s cool to meet someone wh—”
“I’m not doing this,” she said. “This is impossible. How are yo—”
“Trust me, this isn’t in my…” We stared at each other for a moment. Somehow, time stopped more than it already was.
“Holy shit.” We both said it at once.
“So this isn’t you?” she asked. Her eyes were still meandering around the frozen bar instead of staying in the conversation with me.
“No, it’s not,” I walked along her gaze and ended up against the bar counter, “did Todd tell you what my power was?”
“He just told me you wouldn’t mind having me around,” Emma answered, which somehow just brought up more questions.
“Enhanced perception,” I grabbed a drink off of the bar to see if I could; As soon as I touched it, it seemed to animate back to life. “What do you mean, ‘mind having you around’?”
“I dampen powers,” she explained, a little quieter than anything else she’d said, “make them weaker, hard to use. The technical definition is long and wordy so…” She sighed as she watched me slosh the beer around. “It’s a lot of trouble, really.”
“Probably good for work,” I offered.
“Pretty much the whole reason I have my job, but Callum wouldn’t admit that.” She approached, but there wasn’t an open seat near where I was standing, nor could we ask for someone to move. “Callum is—”
“Callum Rehsman, head of the D.P.R for the past six years,” I stepped in, “sorry, comes with the perception thing.”
“Honestly, I’m just glad I don’t have to explain it,” Emma took to leaning against the bar instead of walking over to a seat. She undid the top button of her shirt, which was probably too high for a date, anyway. “Emma Terish. Ring any bells up there?”
“No.”
“And you’re?”
“Toby Vander,” I put down the beer to offer my hand, and it froze as soon as I let go. We both paid attention to that instead of the potential formal hello.
“So this isn’t you.” Emma reached for the glass and picked it up; once she did, it animated just like it had with me. “And it isn’t me…”
I swallowed nothing. We’d both said holy shit for a reason, but it felt impossible to admit it. Wasn’t there supposed to be a — Well, something? Anything?
Then again, we were stopping time, and what else could you ask for?
“Do you want a drink, Toby?” Emma asked. She vaulted herself over the bar with a frankly shocking amount of grace for someone in a pantsuit.
“Uh, sure.”
“I’d ask what you were drinking, but we might have limited options,” she was considering her new vantage point from behind the counter.
I took the opportunity to grab the drink I’d left behind on the table. “I’ll use the one I had.” I tapped Todd’s hand for posterity, and nothing happened to him. “Any idea what this might—”
“No idea,” she answered without letting me finish, “but my job involves dealing with unknown powers, so…” She tried to use the soda-gun and swore when it didn’t work. “You learn to roll with it until people cooperate.”
“You still think I’m doing this?”
“I know it’s not me, and there aren’t many options here with us,” she said as she ducked behind the bar and came back up with a lemonade cooler, “but I came here for a date, and I plan to have one. Been a long week.”
I returned to the bar, finding a seat now that she was on the other side. “I just need to establish that this isn’t me. I’m not trying to—”
“If it isn’t you and it’s not me stopping time around us, then someone is giving us a very private venue for our first date.”
“Isn’t that nice?”
“It really is.” She took a sip of her drink, then pulled it away before she had time to swallow. “Shit. Do you have cash?”
“I’ll cover you.” She frowned at that; clearly she wasn’t satisfied with someone else paying for everything. “Plus, you’re serving me tonight. So…” That seemed to be enough plausible deniability to satisfy her. “Cheers?”
“Cheers.”
Throughout drink one, we were casting nervous glances around the paused bar; by drink five, we were laughing, just the two of us. Hours dripped by with the free beer… or they didn’t… It was hard to tell.
Emma added her sixth can to her pyramid and composed herself. “Okay, okay, okay. One second.” She took a deep breath. “This has been so much fun, but I told Todd I’d tell him when I got here so” — she needed another second to find her verbal footing — “can you stop this now?”
“Stop what?” I was halfway through a sip.
“This is the coolest power I’ve seen but—”
“It’s not me, I promise,” my insistence ended up sounding more like a drunk debate. The drunk part was accurate.
“So your power really is enhanced perception.”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Okay. You’re not lying.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Because that’s lame and—” She stopped herself. “Shit, sorry.”
“I am so used to it.”
“You wouldn’t say that drunk if you could stop time is my point,” she almost ducked down to grab another drink but thought better of it. “So, that makes us…”
We’d reached this impasse several times in the last hours. I scanned her. The lines on her face. The size of her irises. She was worried. Apprehensive.
So I said it first.
“We’re soul mates.”
She looked down and to the left, considering instead of answering.
“Why else would one of us display a power we’d never seen before? Unless you’re right and someone was stopping time for everyone but me and—”
“And the woman who’s immune to powers,” she cut in. “Maybe we are soul mates, but turn it off.”
“It’s not—”
“Toby, please.”
“I don’t—” I stopped short and instead tried even though I didn’t know how. My perception was passive. I didn’t get to choose whether I used it. Was there supposed to be a switch somewhere inside my head? Was I—
How long had it been at this point? Six, seven hours? We’d planned to meet pretty late and it would almost be light out by now. She was right. We had to get—
“I don’t know how,” I admitted, “if it’s me.”
Emma opened her mouth to say something, then reconsidered. Her perfectly manicured nails were digging into the vinyl of the bar top.
“Okay. It’s been lovely, but if you getting here started this then,” I said as I stood up, “maybe I just need to leave, and that will turn it off so we can figure out what’s going on.” I took the first steps toward the door.
“That’s a good plan,” she nodded along with what she was saying, like she was convincing herself, “I’ll reach out to you. It was an excellent date.”
“Let Todd know for me,” I added as I reached the door; a second later, I stepped into the chilled early-fall air. The door didn’t shut behind me, so I kept walking until I would have been out of eyesight.
Then I stopped.
Should I have turned around? What were the chances that she was my soul mate? What was I leaving behind if I didn’t see her again? It was a dumb thought, but the idea of walking away started gnawing at me.
But what choice did I have? In front of me, a couple was frozen in the middle of a quiet conversation on the way to the bar. Soul mates only affected one another when they were close by. I took a few more steps and started to sprint.
I was three blocks away when the world stuttered around me. My vision blurred, and the moonlight was shattered by the sun. I stumbled, almost crashing into a woman dressed like she was on her way to brunch.
Shit. I’d left my jacket at the bar, but—
I checked my watch; 8:06 AM.
​
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Hello everyone! So, for some context. My birb Cosmo is a Quacker Parrot. He is 10 years old, and has lived with my family and I since he was about 2 months old.
In the past year or so, we’ve noticed he’s been getting a bald spot around his chest, which fluctuates in how bare it is. We’ve had multiple theories as to why he could be behaving like this and pulling them out, and have tried numerous methods to get him to stop doing so such as

• Removing stimulating cage interior to regulate hormones
• adding more diversity to his diet
• finding new toys and things to keep him occupied
• giving him more regular baths
• increasing his time out of his cage allowing him to socialise more. (There’s probably other things but I cannot recall them)

It need to be noted that Cosmo is not, and never has been an unhappy bird. Even as of now he has no stress bars present on his feathers, and loves interacting with our family and receiving scratches. He very often whistles to himself, preens (both himself and me) and, crunches his beak, hangs upside down, eating very well (he’s a bit of a guts), he sometimes tries to regurgitate food when he’s very happy but he never manages to, he also flaps his tail a whole lot.
Today, my mum noted while scratching him that a pin feather fell out on its own. Which is extremely, extremely unusual for him. I know birds are very good at masking symptoms of illness so now I’m worried he may be sick, and he’s pulling his feathers out because they’re loose.
Does anyone know if this could be the case? Or are we doing something wrong? Help would be much appreciated! I love my silly boy, he’s my favourite person and I want him to get better! Thanks!

So I played this human-ifrit thaumaturge, how was very prone to anger and to mask his true feeling. Now, due to story development, he lost the last thing he cared about (his daughter) due to a greater evil he couldn't stop.
But instead of growing up even more angry I want him to face his own emotion and become like Zen.
Now, i want that this roleplay trait is reflected in my build and there come the question.
I used to fulfil the party "tank", melee support role, thanks to the marshall archetypes and really high intimidation and diplomacy (bon mot) values and I had the greatest knowledge check of the party. I used an asp coil as a weapon and had one of the highest ac and defenses thanks to the amulet implement.
I wanna respec into a psychic of emotional acceptance (you know I understood how to deal with anger and hatred), and wanna go full into the support side of my character, both with buff and debuff, BUT I don't wanna loose all the flavor I had.
So I don't wanna change my stat (19 12 16 12 12 20) and I would like to be able to use in some way all the skill I had as a thaumaturge.
In what degree I could do that?
We use the free archetype, but we could only stick to one archetype whit the bonus feats (we can still take other archetype with the class feats). So I though I could use the sentinel dedication as a class feat to get access to the medium armor and the human feat (which I cant quite remember the name) to get access to the asp-coil (i know it isn't a racial weapon, but I'm more then sure my master will allow it) but other then that I'm searching some suggestion on what to do

(Skip to last paragraph or two if you don't want to read all this; I'm mostly just ranting.)
My face (especially my nose) has always been red, probably since I was around ten years old, and I am now almost 20 and it's only gotten worse. I started using concealer and foundation to cover it in fifth grade because people would point it out. I stopped wearing makeup around when COVID hit, both because I realized it was only making my acne worse (because I've also always had a lot of acne) and I stopped caring as much. I was also grateful for masks because I knew no one could see and didn't have to worry about it. After I stopped wearing a mask, I was pretty self-conscious about it but didn't think about it all the time.
But in the past few months, I've had a lot more people point it out or ask about it and it's gotten to the point where I can't go five minutes around others without thinking about it. It feels like every time anyone looks at me that's the first thing they see, and I've noticed how much I avoid eye contact (and contact of any kind, really) with others just because I don't want to see them looking. I can tell from picture comparisons that it's definitely gotten worse, but I can't tell when it started to get so bad or if I just think it's so much worse because I've been thinking about it so much. I haven't been very proactive in the past because I've been reluctant to change the way I do things because of it, but I'm so tired of constantly thinking about how bad it is.
So in the past few months, I've been doing a lot more research on the causes and triggers. I'm pretty sure it's rosacea but don't know for sure, since I haven't been able to go to a dermatologists and any doctors I've talked to don't know what to do. I've been trying to avoid foods that may cause flare-ups, but it's hard to avoid all of them. I've also been trying to avoid certain ingredients in skincare (fragrance, alcohol, retinol, etc.) but that's also been hard because many of those ingredients are included in things I've been prescribed for acne (such as benzoyl peroxide and clindamycin phosphate). There are also ingredients like hyaluronic and salicylic acid that I've gotten mixed answers on whether they reduce or worsen redness. I've been trying to find face cleansers for sensitive skin, but even these contain some of the trigger ingredients.
Along with redness and acne, I also have very oily skin and noticeably large pores. It seems like there are no skincare products I can use to help with one/some of these issues without making the other(s) worse. Does anyone have any recommendations for skincare products that might help? Or other suggestions for things I could change in general? I know there's probably questions like these on here everyday, but I've never really talked to anyone else with these issues, besides acne. Anything would help!

I feel quite flat today. I feel okay and all, I just feel empty but not sad empty but empty as in I have nothing to give today.
I’m taking a step back in some areas with work. I came to the realisation today that my doing work I shouldn’t have to/is not my responsibility means that the issue of it not being done isn’t being exposed. I’ve communicated several times to my manager that what should be happening isn’t and nothing has changed, so I figure it I step back from it then she’ll see it not being done/she’ll hear about it from others. I like that I’m a team player blah blah blah, I always support and encourage my colleagues and take on more so they can focus on their goals and things and I just need to stop. I can still do it, and I know wi will regardless because I can’t not, but I need to be selfish. My manager herself said I needed to learn to be selfish - ironic isn’t it, given how much it a selfish self absorbed cow I am outside of work. Anyway I’m letting it pile up now. I’ve communicated plenty, I’ve offered solutions, I’ve even set up a bloody chat for the team taking over if they have any questions and I can help them. If they opt to not do their work then it shouldn’t fall on me, so therefore I’m stepping back.
I feel like I don’t have any real control over myself lately. Like I tell myself to do something and I don’t do it and I can’t seem to make myself do anything. I have zero discipline. I need to learn to have much stronger discipline. I’ve also had the worst cravings again lately, I guess I’ve shown some discipline in that but I’m still not eating properly - I need to be cooking proper meals, not instant rice and veggies and stuff. I feel like utter crap when I don’t eat properly, and that doesn’t mean eating junk food stuff it also means not eating an adequate amount of protein and things. I need to get myself together. I just haven’t had the drive to do anything lately.
I’ve been using my K18 mask each wash, as it says I should, I don’t condition and then I put it into my damp hair and maybe my hair feels healthier I guess but I hate how it air-dries. It’s so blahhh. Normally when I air dry it’s fairly silky in the morning, not silky silky as it would be when I properly style it or use a mask etc but it’s nice enough. Whereas now it’s all… idk. It feels a lot thicker lately, idk why as it won’t be, but I can’t fit it all into a claw clip anymore like I could before. I wonder if it’s more to do with my layers growing out? It’s also longer. So probably those two things. It’s still going through a shedding phase, the post stress kind of shedding I get. I hate it. I hate that my inability to control my emotions means I get such physical side effects. Anyway. I’m welllll overdue for a haircut, but I feel like I want to get it all to one length and then go, because I feel like she keeps f’ing up my length. So idk. It’s so ugly at the moment though, it’s due for a colour and desperately needs some shaping done. Maybe this time I will go to a new salon and then I always have my usual one to fall back on? Idk. I won’t get a cut for at least another month I don’t think. Maybe. I need it but I want it all one length so it can be properly restyled. So idk, I guess I’ll get bigger clips. My face framies need some TLC big time though. Oh well. What’s some bad hair when I’m so ugly anyway. Plus getting my hair done means I have to stare at myself in a mirror for 2 hours, I can barely even look at myself when putting makeup/skincare on.
I did a workout today and it was so bad. I truly have nothing to give today. I ended up just doing a super basic pilates routine which tbh was more stretching than anything. It felt nice though, so I’m glad I did it. So in short I did not do a workout today, and I shouldn’t have said that.
I wonder what it will be like to not hate myself? It feels like an unreachable goal but it’s my goal nonetheless. But I wonder what it’s like? It sounds so freeing. The way Andy says he doesn’t really think negatively about himself, that he doesn’t relentlessly beat himself up over things and idk, he said more but anyway. I know that won’t always be the case and he’ll sometimes feel completely different and negatively and things, which I detest the idea of, but on the whole he’s content with himself. The idea of that feels so foreign. I don’t know where it came from, I mean I do - a lifetime of collecting insecurities, fears and all of that. But I realise I haven’t had a life where I’ve been constantly rejected or had any issue getting attention from men (who were clearly daft and blind), I have parents who in theory seem to love me (out of obligation), I don’t have a difficult life and I have plenty of opportunities thrown at me etc etc. I I guess I have been treated badly by people close to me, people I’ve forced myself to trust and be open with, and I have always been sensitive and idk. So I guess I took on those situations and words and they stuck and then proceeded to fester. But I hated myself before then too… though I hated myself less before then I suppose. But I didn’t feel worthy of anything much back then and I didn’t like myself at all. I can’t actually remember a time where I felt accepting of myself, I don’t mean a time where I liked myself, I mean just a time where I felt content enough. I remember being in primary school and wishing on dandelions that I could be anyone else as long as I wasn’t me. I remember it, I think it was in my grandmas garden and idk. Anyway. I still make wishes on dandelions even now, though a lot more privately. But so I can’t remember a time I felt okay about myself, and over the years it’s just slowly but surely become a twisted, monstrous hatred for myself, where I fantasise about ripping my skin off and hacking away at myself and tell myself horrid nasty things throughout the day, every day. It sometimes feels lightened thanks to therapy, the hatred hasn’t really lessened but my ability to recognise the negativity has increased and so I don’t lean into the negativity as easily now, but I still do on a daily basis. I just don’t even know what it would be like to accept myself. I hope I get to that point some day, I really hope it’s soon. Even if it just means I’m in a state of delusion.
I wish downstairs wouldn’t slam their goddamn door all the time, it’s like they’re incapable of closing it normally. And then they thunder around so heavy footed - like how is it that the people DOWNSTAIRS makes UPSTAIRS shake with footsteps and things. Anyway it’s fine and not really an issue, but it annoys me sometimes. Like why do they walk so heavy!!! WALK LIGHTER.
I don’t want to journal anymore. Im going to read. He’s still asleep so I’m not really sure if we’ll spend time together or not tonight. Okay anyway bye

I have a coworker who recently started working in my department who has really bad body odor. Some days the smell is so strong that I'd started putting essential oils on my mustache in order to try to cover it up. Lately, however, my face has been hurting where I put the oils on, so I've been wearing a face mask at all times and putting the oils on there. I've been blaming my allergies and saying that I'm just trying to keep from breathing in as much pollen as I can, because I don't want him to feel bad. One of the other people, who was hired at the same time, asked me if I noticed it too, but I declined to answer.
We get along really well and have some common interests, he's a really great guy and I enjoy working with him. I, in no way, want to make him feel self conscious about his body odor, but some days it is so strong that it makes it hard for me to focus on my work. The last thing I want is for him to leave the job because he feels unwelcomed or bullied.
Does anyone have advice on how I can go about dealing with this situation? I assume that talking with management about his hygiene will inevitably lead to a very awkward conversation that would make him feel horrible.

DC Next Proudly Presents:

THE NEW TITANS

In Shadow of Kestrel
Issue Nine: War Dove
Written by AdamantAce, GemlinTheGremlin & PatrollinTheMojave
Edited by Deadislandman1 and Voidkiller826
 
Next Issue > Coming Next Month
 
 
“Raven!”
Slade’s gruff voice pierced through the deafening, wave-like roars in Raven’s head, but the rage was too much to bear. Her hands sizzled as hellfire danced in her palms, her body readying for another attack. She locked eyes with a reptilian soldier, dismounting his simian steed and charging on foot, but as she lunged forwards to strike him, she watched a man fly into her path. Slade Wilson caught the young Titan’s hand and pushed, throwing Raven backwards.
“Come on, kid, snap out of it!” But as Slade’s words fell on deaf ears, he felt the familiar sting of a fist to his jaw, a crack echoing in his ears. He recoiled from the attack but powered through his injury and stood his ground. Sinking his heels into the ground, he locked eyes with the girl before him. Her face seemed contorted and uncanny, as if all of the rage she was feeling was pouring out of her. She groaned angrily as she thrusted her head downwards, her forehead making contact with Slade’s teeth, before pulling her head back up again in preparation for another attack.
Before she could make one, however, one of the lizardmen had almost reached the warring duo’s sides, and as he lunged forward with his long spear, he made contact with Raven’s side. A small rip formed in the side of Raven’s outfit, which seemed to only anger her further. However, it did seem to distract her enough; Mar’i fired off a single Starbolt which struck only the ground - a warning shot.
“Raven! Please!” the half-Tamaranean cried out. But the Raven she knew was buried under unfathomable amounts of fury; she ignored her teammate’s call and instead flew forwards and swung out at the reptiloid. The strike glowed with red flame, sending the creature skidding across the floor, barely conscious. Slade spotted a flash of something else on her face, as if she was finally able to fight back against the endless rage - pain, perhaps, or anguish. But in an instant, it was gone.
That flicker of something other than white-hot anger was enough for Slade.
He clutched his side as his still open wound began to ache, the bandages feeling wet with fresh blood. His jaw felt crooked, and as he gritted his teeth, it felt as though they sat differently atop each other. And yet, he clutched his staff tightly in one hand, and with the other he beckoned to Raven.
“Kid, you’re fighting it, I know you are!” Slade felt his mouth filling with blood rather than saliva.
Within a moment, Raven’s attention was locked on the white-haired man once again. She fired bolt after bolt of black and red flame, but Slade was still dextrous despite his pain. He dodged and dived, weaving through the fire, until he finally managed to make contact with his opponent. He drove his staff into her chest and pushed his weight against the weapon, forcing her backwards. She rose into the air, a black mist pouring from her arms and over her face, a large ghostly corvid taking her place. He felt the deathly cold shadow of the bird’s wing fall over him, his feet leaving the ground as she scooped him into the air.
He looked down at the ground far beneath him. A fall from this height would kill anyone, he thought, let alone someone beaten half to death.
Then, as a verdant bolt of energy struck it in the side, Raven’s Soul Self shrieked and the shadows retreated inwards. Slade felt himself falling through the air for a second, then two, before he felt his back collide with something soft and cushioned. As he looked up, he met the gaze of Conner, who soared to the ground in an instant, placing the snow-haired man on the ground and giving a swift nod.
Raven let out a pained, frustrated yell as she returned to the ground, aided by a grappling line expertly positioned by Tim, and in response, Conner jetted off towards the sound of her cries. Slade’s feet faltered beneath him, and he stumbled to keep his balance. His breathing was laboured and his vision was becoming fuzzy. It felt as though, he realised, all the blood loss and violence he had suffered over the past few hours were finally catching up to him. Was this what dying felt like?
“Slade!” shouted a voice, followed by the dulled drumming of hurried footsteps. Slade pulled his hand across his face to wipe away the mental haze and drops of blood. It was Don, sprinting towards him. When Slade felt Don clasp him by shoulders, he realized just how slowed he was by his injuries. “Plan?,” Slade coughed out.
“You’ve seen what she can do. I only see one way out of these without one of the kids getting hurt. I’d do it myself, but I’m out of practice and this is too important to leave to chance.” Don looked around anxiously, his face betraying that he had a lot on his mind. “I’m giving you the powers of a god.” Slade opened his mouth to ask a question, a million came to mind. He glanced across the battlefield. Through a blurry film, he saw Raven’s Soul Self bat Conner away with its wing. He careened into the trunk of a thick tree, uprooting it with a deep crunch. “Are you sure?,” Slade asked, breathless.
“I’m not losing another Titan.” Don squeezed his eyes shut. His grip on Slade tightened as pale, almost blinding light enveloped them. It felt warm. No, better than that: it felt peaceful. With his enhanced senses, Slade could hear his erratic heartbeat slow. Fleeting visions bubbled up in his mind, opening up his awareness beyond the wildest dreams of Project Veritas. He felt rivers of magical energy flowing through the air and earth. Each of them spiralled towards a depression. Towards Raven, he knew instinctively. Iridescent blue light spread outward from his shoulders. It washed over his body armor, bleaching the jet black panels until his entire body shone with radiance. The pain from wounds old and new faded, replaced by serenity - and power. Don opened his eyes again and sighed gently; a concoction and joy, relief, and quiet mourning.
“There,” Don remarked. Slade felt lighter, less angry, less burdened. He looked down at the iridescent light enveloping his body. Magical energy buzzed against the surface of his skin. “The powers of the Dove - officially yours.”
Slade sucked in a nervous breath. “Don…” Even rejuvenated, he was still lost for words.
“They’re yours now,” Don smiled weakly. “Now go earn them. There’s a Titan in dire need of our help.”
Conner floated out of the dense jungle, rubbing his forehead. “Is Slade glowing or do I have a concussion?”
Slade looked over at Raven. She seemed less erratic, her movements driven by her brain rather than her gut. Tim’s staff batted fiercely against her, each strike buffeting her back more and more, but it was clear to Slade that Raven was not any weaker physically - her mind, however, was another story.
Slade began marching towards her, the ache in his side dulled. “Raven. You’re strong. Fight this rage inside of you.” Raven glared at him, a spark of something in her eyes, as she swooped in towards him at top speed. As she neared him, however, Slade readied his staff, stretching it out in front of him. As the tip of the weapon struck Raven, a beam of white energy coursed through her, as if she had been struck by lightning, and her body was flung backwards across the dirt.
Slade danced a hand over his rifle, but something felt different. He pulled it into his hands and inspected it swiftly; nothing seemed out of order. Raven rose slowly from her supine position, snarling softly to herself. Her movements had slowed, the expression on her face becoming closer to horror than rage. She was doing it.
“You’re nearly there, kid,” Slade soothed, his words suddenly like butter. He watched Raven’s shoulders start to relax. “That’s it. Just fight this, Raven. You’re almost there.”
Despite her tremendous progress, Raven’s blistering fury won out once more, and she charged a large bolt of hellfire in her hands. Slade fiddled with his rifle and crossed his fingers. There was a standstill between the two. Slade analysed his rifle again; there was something different about the barrel, as if it had been swapped out for another similar model. The stock felt lighter, too, as if the weight had been–
Raven roared at him, swiping wildly with glowing fists, and in an instant Slade instinctively pulled the trigger.
What fired from the gun was not a silvery bullet, but a familiar glowing bolt of white light, cloud-like in appearance. As it struck Raven, she sucked in a deep breath, the energy engulfing her. Her face softened and her posture relaxed. Then she swung out for the man’s weakened side, his bandages poking through the aura of light. And yet, as he stayed steadfast, not even attempting to dodge the attack. Sparks flew from the point of contact. Slade just readied another shot and fired.
Her body swayed with the blow. Slade closed the gap between them and focused on the new warmth he felt, concentrating it into his staff as best he could. Then, as he held it out in front of him at arm’s length, he swiped at Raven and struck her in the side of the shoulder. Each blow seemed to be more effective than the last, but as Raven’s movements continued to slow, Slade held fire.
“You’re doing it, Raven,” Slade encouraged. He watched as the other Titans surrounded Raven, each of them ready for any further attacks. Everyone watched with bated breath as their teammate and friend thrashed and recoiled from the hit. Her breathing was rapid, although it felt closer to panic than unabashed fury. She clasped her hands over her head, groaning. Then, suddenly, she stopped.
Her face had softened completely, her jaw slack, and tears filled her vision. She looked up at Slade with a comfort in her eyes. The aura emanating from him was pervasive and contagious, and although she had felt lost in a sea of impossibly vast emotions, its warmth and comfort cut through. The anger was still there somewhat, the last remaining dregs still working its way out of her system, but the comfort, the peace that Slade was providing was the anchor for her to stabilise herself. She had only ever seen this kind of power when Don…
Raven’s eyes widened as she realised what that meant. She collapsed to her knees, suddenly feeling the bone-deep fatigue her rage had suppressed. Her teammates rushed in around her. Mar’i dropped to a knee by her side and put a hand on her shoulder. “It’s OK. You’re safe. Everyone’s OK.”
“Don I’m—” She wiped away a stream of tears, stumbling her way out of the emotional vortex she’d been sucked into. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened. I’ve lost control before, but never like this.”
Don looked older. Creases ran across his forehead and around his eyes. His smile hadn’t changed. “Raven, my brother and I got those powers when I was a kid. We didn’t ask for them. We weren’t ready for them. We didn’t know how to use them, let alone control them.” He laughed dryly, recalling Hank. “I don’t regret anything. Giving my powers to Slade is the best thing I’ve done with them in years. I know Hank would feel the same way.”
In the moment of silence that followed, Raven rose to her feet and pulled her cloak tightly around herself. She was still shaking. Tim’s eyes drifted from her to Slade. “Something’s gnawing at me. Kestrel’s powers are weakened in Skartaris. Don’s…” He coughed, “Slade’s powers are amplified. If this place is what affected you—”
Mar’i’s face flashed with recognition, “—your powers must be tied to the Lords of Order and Chaos!”
Tim furrowed his brow. “Maybe.” He hardly had time to consider further when a thundering crack tore open the sky. Two bolts of swirling energy - one red and one blue - met above them, forming a swirling portal at their vertex. The Titans readied their weapons, expecting the worst.
“It’s them.” Slade murmured, still put off by his uncanny awareness. Terataya and T’Charr descended from the sky, one wreathed in mist, the other, magma. The two elementals stopped a few feet above the ground, hovering.
Terataya was the first to speak. Even at a whisper, her voice reverberated through the air. “I don’t usually care for surprises, Don, but this was a pleasant one.” A thin smile appeared on her face.
“Slade Wilson.” Terataya’s neck turned at an unnatural angle to face him. “You wield the powers of Order with great skill. Who understands the dangers of unchecked War better than a soldier. Become my champion. Protect the balance.”
Slade took a step back, then glanced at Don.
“She’s right.” Don said, with only a hint of hesitation. “It took me years to use the powers like you used them today. You’re a natural.”
Slade looked at his hands, still gently pulsing with pale blue light. “Thanks.” He allowed himself a weak smile. “But no thanks.”
“What.” T’Charr’s voice boomed.
“It doesn’t take Zatanna to realize an old soldier like me makes a piss-poor Avatar of Peace. I fight for a living, and I’m not deluded enough to think that makes me good at anything but fighting. If you want someone who understands the need for balance, Don just sacrificed everything special about him for it.”
Don raised an eyebrow. “None taken.”
“His actions today were noble, but they do not make up for years spent squandering the gift.”
“Squandering? The Titans wouldn’t exist today if he hadn’t pulled them together. Everything they’ve done. Everything they’ve achieved for your balance wouldn’t have happened without him, including stopping that monster you made.”
“Watch your tone, mortal.” T’Charr threatened.
“There may be a vein of truth to his words, lover.” Terataya said. “But *if we were to restore Don Hall’s power, we would need assurances. His indecision led down this path.”*
Rocks ground against each other as T’Charr landed beside Don. “You would have weeks, not years, to select a counterpart and return to your duties.”
Don’s response was instantaneous. “I’ve made a decision.”
“You’ve decided if you’ll take up the mantle of Dove again?”
Don nodded. “And who should be the new Hawk.”
Terataya giggled. “Full of surprises today. T’Charr?”
“We should discuss this.” He said. “In private.”
The three of them vanished, leaving the Titans and Slade alone on a battlefield riddled with bits of dino meat and ape fur.
 
○○ Ⓣ ○○
 
“You don’t think they’re gonna come back in like, 200 years, right?” Conner asked. He sat beside the depowered Slade Wilson, who was downing aspirin to make up for the sudden deficit in peace energy.
“I don’t know.” Tim said. “But we should give them more than fifteen minutes.”
As if on cue, the skies opened again. Again, the chromatic energy lit the sky and again a portal opened its swirling maw. This time, however, it wasn’t two elemental Lords to descend. Raven squinted to make the figures out.
“Oh my god.” Conner said, having a far easier time with his super-vision.
“What? Who is it?” Tim asked.
“Donna!” Mar’i shouted. She shot off the ground towards her. Her black combat armor was replaced with a crimson and white bodysuit studded with stars that seemed to twinkle as the light shifted around her. The sword at her side was gone too, replaced with a coiled loop of rope suffused with the same brilliant energy. The two collided into an embrace, spinning through the air as they held each other tightly.
Don was the first to land, restored with the powers of Dove. He looked stronger than ever, and maybe more importantly, happier. Even Tim’s typical thoughtful brooding has been pierced by an unimpeachable joy.
“I don’t understand,.” Raven said. “S-She’s alive. How is this possible?”
“I knew there was only one person who could be trusted with the powers of War, with Hank’s abilities.” He scratched the back of his neck, a bit guilty. “And she’d been staring me in the face for years. It took some doing, but eventually T’Charr and Terataya saw that too.”
Donna landed beside him, Mar’i only a step behind. By now Conner had stepped forward. He tried not to choke over his words. “I’m sorry. If I’d—”
Donna didn’t let him get the words out before pulling him into a grapple-turned-hug that quickly grew as the rest of the team piled in. Slade flicked another aspirin into his mouth.
“Danyah!” A voice called out from over the ridge. It was Travis, mounted atop a fanged reptilian creature in the vague shape of a horse and flanked on either side by his gold-armored honor guard. He broke into a gallop, stopping just short of the Titans. “When I saw the skies, I feared the worst. Is it really you? Has sorcery brought you back to us?”
“It’s me, Travis. A Lord of Chaos brought me back.”
“Not to interrupt,.” Slade said, still nursing his wounds. “But did either of you ask them to bring us back to Chicago?”
“I…” Don grimaced. “Donna, how do we get home?”
“How did you get here? Surely you could return the way you came.” Travis said.
“No, we can’t.” Tim said, pressing a few buttons on his wrist’s holographic display. “Whatever magic pervades Skartaris is also causing some extreme time dilation. I can’t guarantee we’d return to the 21st century, or even to Earth.”
“I spent a decade in Skartaris and returned to Earth nearly two centuries later. It’s the influence of Chaos. We’d need a Skartaran mage of overwhelming power to stabilize our return.” She spat the word mage with disgust. Travis’s expression seemed to confirm the reputation of Skartaran spellcasters.
Before their anxiety could spiral, the sky above began to churn. Moments later, the ground shook as a violent bolt of lightning cleaved the air, striking with such ferocity that all but Conner and Donna were flung backward. Mar'i skidded across the damp undergrowth, her senses overwhelmed by the acrid scent of ozone. Her mind was racing; their victory was hard fought, and she doubted they had much left in the tank for another confrontation. She dug her hands into the ground and pushed herself up as she choked from the smell. The Warlord Morgan and his military guards snapped to attention, forming a protective ring around the crater that now marred the earth.
From the smoking pit, a figure rose, unfolding from a crouch like something out of Terminator. Adorned in a red and white jumpsuit that accentuated his lithe build, the young man's appearance was marked by a red cowl and goggles, with sandy brown hair rebelliously spilling out.
Conner squinted through the dissipating smoke, murmuring under his breath, “A speedster?” The Flashes had had a variety of different sidekicks and other allies over the years, but none of them recognised this one
With a nonchalant flair that seemed at odds with the charged atmosphere, the newcomer greeted them. “Hey, everyone chillax. I'm here to get you guys back home.”
Donna, ever the leader, stepped forward and spoke with a commanding curiosity, now emboldened with the war aura of Hawk. “And who are you exactly? Why should we trust you with such a claim?”
Flashing a cheeky grin, he tilted his head and responded, “Well, I’m a speedster for one. Name’s Impulse. If I run fast enough, then I can… well, I guess bend time.”
Behind Donna, the group exchanged sceptical glances. Raven's face remained shadowed by recovery, Mar'i and Conner braced for action, and Tim discretely checked his gadgets, no doubt for something that he could use on a speedster should the need arise.
“Yeah, we figured that much,” Don cut through the tension, his voice calm yet insistent. “Who sent you?”
Impulse chuckled, his demeanour remaining unfazed by their scrutiny. “Look, the details aren't the fun part. Trust me, I can get us back.”
As a silence thick with doubt and scepticism settled over the group, Impulse seemed to realise his casual assurances weren't sufficient. With a theatrical sigh, he reached up and removed his mask, revealing a face familiar to both Mar'i and Raven.
“Brody!?” Mar'i exclaimed, her surprise echoing through the clearing as she stared at the boy who had once hobbled through their college classes with his leg in a cast.
The young man’s grin widened, his eyes sparkling with mischief and a hint of pride. “Actually, it’s Bart.”
 
○○ Ⓣ ○○
 
When Slade emerged from the shower, his skin was glistening with moisture, the water tracing the contours of his scars. He wrapped a stark white towel around his waist, and crossed the plush carpet to sit on the edge of the hotel room bed. He released a slow, deep breath; it was a good job the speedster kid arrived when he did. The notion of being stranded in an alien land or, worse, a different time had gnawed at him with a ferocity that was hard to admit. Without Bart’s intervention, every one of Slade’s meticulously crafted plans would have been utterly dashed.
Facing him, a wall-mounted mirror caught his rugged reflection. Drawn to his own image, Slade studied the scars that mapped his trials, the slick white hair that crowned his head, and the deep lines etched into his face. A familiar discomfort nagged at him, focusing his attention on his right eye. Unable to alleviate the irritation through the skin, Slade exhaled heavily and carefully removed the eye altogether. The movement, fluid and practised, spoke of years of adaptation.
He placed the prosthetic gently on the bed beside him and as he massaged the socket, a decades-old habit, his mind wandered. He wasn't accustomed to keeping the prosthetic in for extended periods. Showering with it had been an uncomfortable experiment in necessity - he didn't like it, but understood the importance of maintaining the facade. The Slade he would have people believe he was would have never lost an eye, because that Slade had led a life far from by the darker paths Slade had truthfully trodden.
His thoughts wandered to his brief time wielding the potent powers of Dove, and Slade felt a twinge of regret at their loss. The clarity and strength those powers had provided were intoxicating, yet he recognised that he had a more important goal, one he couldn’t compromise. His current role demanded not the accumulation of power but the perfection of his deceit, ensuring that all believed he was not the Slade Wilson they knew, but a Reawakened, more innocent doppelganger.
Now, with the glass eye resting beside him, Slade stared at his unmasked visage. Maintaining the myth of the noble Slade was critical. The ruthless mercenary, the World’s Deadliest Killer - those identities had to remain buried. The Titans had believed him enough to entrust him with divine powers, their faith a testament to his performance, but the game was far from over; in fact, it was entering its most critical phase.
 
 
Next: Return to normality in The New Titans #10
 

I’ve been in my job for just over a half a year now, and I’ve started to meet a lot of people from across the company + get more integrated in my team after training. I already get stressed out, but the social setting stresses me out even more.
In meetings I can barely look people in the eye when talking to them because it’s difficult + awkward to make eye contact and god forbid I have to ever say anything in those meetings because my brain races at 100mph and I can hardly get my thoughts out clearly when I’m talking with my friends. We also have icebreakers at the beginning of these meetings which stress me out so much as we have to go in a circle and I always overthink my answer to the point my heart is beating out of my chest trying to figure out which chocolate bar best describes my personality.
It also just so happens that I’m not that great at my job and recently I’ve messed up some orders and had to talk to people from different departments, some of which I had to talk to face to face with. I’m a pretty socially anxious person anyway, but the fact that I messed up so much and have to talk to these people for the first time about how I messed up and how to fix it is so stressful and makes me feel like the biggest idiot . I’m constantly thinking about how these people secretly hate me and talk about how awful I am at my job behind my back.
I was out with my closest colleague yesterday for lunch and when we came back to the office, we saw another colleague who works in a different department and who neither of us really talks to besides in emails. My first instinct whenever this happens is to avoid eye contact and pick up my phone and pretend I’m reading something (not because I don’t want to say hi to this person but because 1) I think they hate me and 2) I’m so scared that if I smile at a colleague and they don’t smile back I’m going to be thinking about it all day and this will affirm that they do actually hate me. Since I was already walking with someone else, I tried to avoid eye contact, and got so awkward that I turned to my colleague and started yapping at her so that our other colleague would think I was just engrossed in conversation and didn’t see him (nevermind the fact I had looked right at him moments before). Instead, my colleague gave him a big smile and I just pretended I didn’t exist to get out of the situation because my brain couldn’t think to just smile like a normal person . Now I feel like I seem super antisocial and now he definitely MUST hate me and I can’t stop overthinking the situation. The overthinking genuinely consumes me on a daily basis at work because I can’t leave or at least just remove myself from the situation.
Honestly this isn’t even half of the social stress I have at work but I’ll stop going on since this is already so long. I just don’t even know what to do because everyone talks about each other here and they are so close-knit- I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb in a bad way.
Does anyone have some tips to deal with this or been in a similar situation?
TLDR; I don’t deal with social situations at work well because am socially anxious, I think everyone hates me for doing my job wrong and I feel like I seem really cold because I’m so anxious.

Harry looked over at his mentor sitting up at the position of Headmaster and gave him a nod.
"There will be no interference from anyone. That goes for staff, too. Is that understood?" the Headmaster said with force.
"Yes Professor Tsung," came back the chorus of replies.
Across the Great Hall, Harry faced off with his nemesis. The Dark Lord Voldemort stood with a sneer on his face, wand drawn. "It is foolish of you to send Potter to face me alone. But I will certainly not object. My loyal Death Eaters, you will do nothing until the boy is dead at my hand."
The masked and robed wizards gave their acknowledgments with nods and a few scattered, "Yes, my lord's"
The Headmaster stood and yelled out, "Begin!"
There was a flurry of activity as Harry and Voldemort exchanged a dozen spells in quick succession. It started with bone breaking curses and cutting curses, then got much darker from there.
After a few seconds of being surprised by the fury and skill displayed by the seventeen year old, Voldemort began drawing from his repertoire of magic which he usually reserved for powerful opponents. He conjured a massive snake made of Fiendfyre.
A small smirk tugged at Harry's mouth upon seeing that spell. It was time for him to step up his own game.
In an instant, Harry's form blurred and warped, becoming a bit taller, a bit larger, a whole lot older, and exceedingly more flamboyant. Voldemort looked in shock as Albus Dumbledore stood before him.
'Albus' wasted no time in banter. He quickly twirled his wand, whistling all the while, and a flood of water sprang up from where he alone knew and overwhelmed the fire spell, dousing it before it could gain too much strength. Then the long-bearded wizard began transfiguring the tables and chairs into deadly soldiers, animated suits of armor, and turned the debris around him into deadly spears that hurled themselves at Voldemort unerringly.
The dark wizard screamed in anger, sending a shockwave of raw magic out to destroy the transfigured and conjured threats.
"No, this cannot be! You are dead!"
The form of the deceased Headmaster blurred and shifted, leaving Harry Potter standing there again. "So, he is, but he sends you his regards. He says he'll be seeing you soon."
The self-styled Dark Lord could not take that taunt. He jabbed his wand forward. "AVADA KEDAVRA!"
The green bolt flew towards Harry at an incredible speed, but the younger wizard side-stepped it. Then his form shifted again, this time into the form of his old, hated potions teacher. From his dark, billowing robes 'Severus Snape' pulled a few potions and downed them. He would need every advantage if he wanted to defeat this enemy.
But Voldemort laughed. "Snape? You should have chosen more wisely, Harry. You may have found my old faithful servant to be intimidating, but for me he was just a tool."
Having obtained the benefit he wanted from that form, Harry was all too glad to shed it. While Harry had not found the Potions Master intimidating since he had been training with his mentor, he did continue to loathe the man and being in his form was not at all enjoyable, despite what had happened at the end.
Harry shot off a few curses and dodged a few more, but this was getting him nowhere. He needed an edge. And there was one form he knew would give it to him.
A sudden blurring and Harry stood in a form sure to freak his opponent out. Voldemort's own evil red eyes stared back at the Dark Lord.
"Avada Kedavra!" "Avada Kedavra!"
The two cast at the same time, both barely dodging out of the way at the last second.
"You dare use my own form against me! I will destroy you the way I destroyed your parents you little--"
Harry's form blurred once--but faded into nothing immediately after. Appearing behind Voldemort he stretched out both of his hands and fired off a succession of flaming projectiles that caught the dark wizard mid-sentence.
The Dark Lord tried to rise, but he found it impossible. The attack had ruined him. Voldemort watched as Harry summoned his wand to him and snapped it in half as he strode over to him.
"Fool, you should not have started monologuing in the middle of Kombat," Headmaster Tsang Tsung said as Harry approached his fallen opponent.
Harry glanced up at the head table, careful to keep an eye on his enemy. That had been drilled into his head by his teacher.
"FINISH HIM!" the sorcerer commanded.
Harry grabbed the snaked-faced wizard with one hand, the other he raised above his head. "Your soul is mine!" Harry declared.
Sickly green magic poured from his hands into the man formerly known as Tom Marvolo Riddle, and then the energy poured back towards Harry, with what was left of Voldemort's soul along with it, back into Harry through his eyes and mouth. A ruined husk of withered and greyed flesh was all that was left of Voldemort's final body.
Gasps of shock and revulsion came from the Hogwarts teachers.
Harry rolled his eyes. "What?" he asked with a shrug of his shoulders.

Warning: Mentions of violence, blood, and some self harm near the end.
While browsing some random conspiracy site, I found what is a supposedly leaked file from the Nevada County Sheriff's Department; however, nothing has been confirmed. According to the OP, it is believed the following is the personal account of a 21 year old Jonathan Ashford of Grass Valley, California. Normally I would write stuff like this off but this one is...different. I’ve done my best to correct most of the grammar and misspelling while at the same time trying to avoid skewing the original account.
-September 15, 2022
I’ve never really been an outdoor person. Well, I guess that’s because I’ve never really been outdoors much in the first place. And that’s because I guess…I've never been invited? I don’t really have any friends. So, needless to say, I was surprised to find myself on a backpacking trip with a group of 5 other students from my university. The plan was five days in Tahoe National Forest some place called Mystery Lake. Monday-Friday. I don’t know why they decided to do it during the week. Most of us had okay grades at best and part time jobs on the side so taking a week off of it all seemed at the very least a bit irresponsible; and yet, I went anyway. Listen, I didn’t plan it, okay? This was one of my only chances to get to know people. The hike wasn’t too long but my genius self who had only been backpacking once when I was around 9 years old or so decided to carry 60 pounds of bullshit up the mountain resulting in my shoulders being sore and raw for the foreseeable future.
-10:11 PM
To be honest, I don’t really know why they let me come with them. I only know one of them and the group has been ignoring me for pretty much the entire trip. I was always bringing up the back on the hike in and I set up my tent outside of the main camp behind some trees. I haven’t eaten any meals with them or talked to them or, now that I think about it, anything really. Regardless. The trip has been an experience. Hopefully things get more exciting tomorrow.
-September 16
I’ve only ever slept in a tent a couple times so the new environment and lack of sleeping pills resulted in quite a restless night. I woke up at about eleven; everyone else was gone. I remembered they were talking about a day hike on a trail headed north so assuming that’s where they went, I hurried to get dressed and grabbed some granola bars. I’m about to head out. I hope I find them.
-12:21 PM
I’d been briskly walking for around an hour and was feeling quite exhausted so when I heard the group’s voices off in the distance I was very relieved. I started to jog in their direction when–when this jolt or–wave of energy flooded my mind. My head instantly started throbbing and my vision went blurry. The best way I could describe it is–TV static? Like the old TVs that would go all staticky when the signal got bad. I could barely make out shapes and a space in the middle of my vision was especially dark to the point where I couldn’t see past it. That wasn’t the worst of it, though. God no, if only I was that lucky. I can still hear the shrieking. That goddamn shrieking. In an instant all I could hear was this sharp, scratchy shrieking. It pierced through my ears and rooted itself in my head. I think I cried out in pain but even if I did I couldn’t have heard it. It was as if the damned souls of hell all cried out in eternal pain all at once and begged for death. I gripped and pulled at my hair, hardly noticing the pain that resulted from it as I fell to my knees in agony before…
I slowly opened my eyes. My head hurt and there was a slight buzzing in my ears. I lay in a pile of ivy next to a fallen log, my back dampened from the cool soil beneath me. I stood up, the hill on which I previously stood was nowhere in sight. As I leaned my shoulder against a tree to steady myself I heard voices. Cautiously, I walked through the foliage as the low vines dragged along my ankles. As I walked, I looked up. The falling sun cast a soft orange glow across the sky. It was probably around five O’clock or so. I climbed up on a large rock only to realize I was near the main camp. I pin-pointed the voices of my fellow campers as they huddled around a low-burning campfire. As I sat down to listen to them speak I could sense a strong feeling of uneasiness resonating from the group. Then it hit me.
“Are you sure you haven’t seen her since earlier this afternoon?” One of them said, I think his name was Matthew? He was tall and lean, by far the tallest in the group.
“I’m sure! It just doesn’t make sense. One minute she was behind me going on about who knows what and then the next when I turn around she’s gone!” A girl with light brown hair said. I didn’t know her name. I could see tears forming at the corner of her eyes as the wind blew her hair into her face.
“We need to find her before it gets dark. Groups of two; stick together!” A shorter man with brown hair said. Ryan. He was the only one I knew. We weren’t friends. Definitely not. But he was nice enough to me in the classes we had together and I was grateful that I was able to go on the trip with him. As he walked past the boulder I sat beside, paying me no mind, I saw his lower lip quiver as his wide eyes looked straight ahead. He was more nervous than he led on. I zoned out for a few seconds, the static from earlier crawling its way into the corners of my vision when a chipmunk climbing a tree snapped me back to reality and I realized I had been left at camp. I looked around at the tall forest but the group was nowhere in sight. I assumed they wanted me to wait at camp in case the missing girl, Alice, came back, but as I moved toward the dying campfire the call of nature occupied my thoughts. I found a spade and a roll of toilet paper and strode briskly into the forest, the cool Autumn air rushing against my chapped lips as I walked. I reached over to scratch an itch on my arm when I saw it.
“The fuck?” I wondered out loud. There on my upper forearm was…a bite mark. I rattled my brain trying to think what could have made that kind of mark. As I examined it more I confirmed my suspicions. It seemed human. At least I think it was human. It’s not like there are any goddamn monkeys native to Middle of Nowhere, California. There was also a dark purple bruise on my lower forearm. Didn’t remember getting that either.
I looked around for a good spot. Stepping over a log, I set my foot down on something soft. It was Alice. Her right hand crushed and mangled and a dried trickle of blood at the corner of her mouth had pooled on a flattened leaf. I screamed, tripping and falling back in the direction I hoped was the camp. As I jumped over a rock I landed hard on my left ankle as a streak of pain shot up through my body. I was trying to get back up when I heard it. The screeching. It steadily yet quickly faded in until it flooded my hearing. My vision was clouded by that same static. I curled up into a ball, kicking at the air. My eyes watered and I felt the urge to vomit…
A wave of dizziness hit me as I opened my eyes and fell on my tailbone, pain shooting up my back. I lay down on my back and looked up at the trees, my nose bloody. It was still dark. Had I been standing? I tried to recall what I had been doing but all I remembered were faded images. One thing I didn’t forget was the screeching. All that I could remember was covered by that screeching and a faint veil of that static. Just thinking about it made my head throb.
A groan. I nearly jumped out of my skin as I turned to look in the sound’s direction. It was David. He looked injured, lying on the ground, but quickly crawled back in what looked like fear when he saw me.
“You bitch!” He muttered between gritted teeth. Before I could react he was up on his feet charging in my direction. I tried to doge him but the wind was quickly knocked out of me as he headbutted me in the stomach. I fell back onto the ground and between coughs I saw him running towards me. Before he could deliver a heavy stomp to my chest I caught his foot and kicked up into his groin. He stumbled back with a low yelp of pain and, taking my chance while he was stunned, I stood up as fast as I could and prepared to block another attack. He ran up to me and attempted to deliver a blow to my stomach with his right fist, leaving his upper body undefended; I used the opportunity to send a hard punch into the side of his neck. He fell back choking, tears in his eyes. As he tried to sit down he tripped on a root and hit his head on a nearby boulder with a sickening crack. He squirmed for a moment, then nothing.
Silence. There was a faint red stain on the side of the rock, and beneath his blood-stained hair, his head seemed unnervingly misshapen. The closer I looked, the more I saw. Bruised neck, flowing blood, even some pinkish bone exposed near the worst of the damage to his skull. The fall must’ve been worse than I thought. Why would he attack me? What was wrong with him? Had he mistaken me for someone else? I sat against the blood-stained boulder and leaned my head back. I’m exhausted. Everything hurts. My ankle is throbbing. I can’t remember how long it’s been since I’ve slept and I don’t know what to do. I should probably go try to find the camp but…I’m too tired. I think I’m going to go to sleep now.
-September 18
I slept through the entire day and most of the night! Or, at least I think I did. The more I think about it I’m not so sure. It’s like 2:30 AM, glad my phone still works even if my brain doesn’t, just wish I had signal. I’m not sure what to do but I might try to go find
-4:29 AM
Something’s definitely out here with us. Or–me. Not sure how many of the others are left out here. I’m sure that shrieking is tied to something. I heard something off in the distance while writing and decided to go check it out. It was Matthew and that other girl. They were walking briskly and their eyes seemed to be darting around frantically. They were talking in hushed tones but from what I heard they found Alice's body, and they were worried. I was about to reveal myself to them when the shrieking came back. It hit me like a train, and sometimes I think a train would have hurt less. It felt like it lasted for hours, I bit a hole through my lip and fell off of the boulder I was sitting on. I couldn’t see anything except a dark patch of static in the middle of my vision surrounded by more static. All the cuts and bruises in my body seemed to amplify and I could barely breathe. I just wanted it to stop but it wouldn’t. It wouldn’t stop.
The two were dead when I came to. I wasn’t much better off myself. No matter how much I spit I can’t get the taste of blood out of my mouth. My arms are covered in cuts and bruises and my shoulder was dislocated. That was a fun half hour figuring out how to put it back in place. I think whatever is out here with us clouds your vision and makes it impossible to hear anything as a way to hunt you. I’m amazed it hasn’t killed me yet. I hope Ryan is still out there.
-6:06 AM
It’s been a long night. A really long night. I found Ryan but–but now I wish I hadn’t. It was around five AM I think, I had been aimlessly wandering through the forest looking for something, anything. By the most unlucky luck Ryan came stumbling around a tree. When he saw me his eyes went wide.
“Jon, what the hell?” Then he squinted his eyes and seemed to notice the wounds on my arm.
“Oh god,” he said. Then, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small knife, glaring at me during the process. Before I could reply, he charged me, knife in hand. I–I didn't want to kill him. I really didn’t. He tackled me to the ground, forcing the knife close to my chest. I desperately tried to push him away and being the stronger one, I knocked him off me. As he hurried to get back on top of me I sent my right leg flying into his arm, knocking the knife from his hand. Before he realized what was happening I grabbed the knife from the ground. In what seemed like a last desperate attempt he tried to force me down again but, already having the knife in my hand, I quickly slashed his chest and one of his wrists without thinking. I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t mean to kill him! I was just defending myself. I don’t know why he attacked me, what’s gotten into him and David? Is that thing controlling them? They didn’t seem like they were under some kind of spell…I don’t think so at least.
After a soft cry of pain he collapsed and rolled down the steep hill we were standing on. I didn’t bother looking for his body. No point. Odds are that thing would use his body as a trap for me or something. I don’t know anymore.
Somehow I found my way back. I don’t remember how, all I remember is collapsing against a tree out of exhaustion but, here I am at the trailhead. I guess my half dead brain forgot most of it. I don’t know what I’ll do now, I don’t think I’ll tell the police. If they hear that some creepy ghost creature is hiding out in the forest killing my friends I’ll probably get locked up in who the fuck knows where for who the fuck knows what. But, no matter how many or how few believe me, I know something is out there. And I know it’s dangerous. I doubt the bodies will ever be found. That forest is huge and I buried Matthew and Elizabeth, found her name in a backpack she had on.
This will be my last entry. My name is Jonathan Ashford, and I survived something dangerous in the Tahoe national forest. Whatever you do, do not go there. Goodbye.
-September 22, 2022, 5:06 PM
Ryan survived. The police are after me. Apparently he told them I stalked them in the forest and picked them off when they weren’t together. I don’t know what’s happening. There are some gaps in my memory but I know that I didn’t kill those people. I only killed David, and that was self defense. I’m not sure what I’ll do. The police don’t know where I am but I’m sure that won’t last long.
-8:19 PM
I saw an interview with Ryan on the local news while browsing channels. He seemed–off. There were bags under his eyes and his skin was pale. He seemed nervous, shaky. I hope he’s ok. I still don’t understand why he thinks I killed them.
-September 23, 3:12 AM
ok ok. I have a theory. I’ve been up all night thinking and it makes so much sense now. That thing can shriek. Terrifying right? But explainable. The static I still can’t make sense of, there’s no feasible way it could naturally do that. What if whatever supernatural force causes the static can also control people? Maybe that’s why Ryan looks so crazy. It must be controlling him. But why would it want me? Am I immune to its effects? Maybe.
-6:04 AM
They didn’t notice it. It didn’t hit them. When I was spying on Matthew and Elizabeth, right before they were–anyways.
The shrieking hit my ears before the static hit my eyes and in those few seconds, they didn’t notice. It didn’t affect them. They didn’t hear the shrieking. Maybe the shrieking is that monster thing's abilities failing to control me. Maybe that's why ryan-whatever’s controlling Ryan wants me. It’s because I’m a threat to it. Because It can’t control me. When I woke up I was injured, but never killed like the others. Maybe it doesn’t have as much power over me as others.
But why would the authorities believe Ryan? There’s no way his story can add up. Even if that creature, that thing, is intelligent, it can’t be that smart to fake a story. Why are they after me?
-11:42 PM
The police came by today. I was about to update this log again when they started banging on my door. I was able to sneak out a window before they noticed me, glad I live on the ground floor.
Something seemed off about them. I can’t say what but, something, like the uncanny valley effect, where something looks human but isn't. Whatever. It’s probably just my imagination. I need sleep.
-September 24, 2:20 AM
Something is wrong–something is definitely wrong. How did they find me? Holy shit that was close! I was dozing by a couple of dumpsters behind a gas station. Figured it was safe enough since it was out of the way and partly blocked by a fence until I heard dogs barking. Not sure how many of them there are, at least two–maybe three, I can still hear them barking. I figured they were just strays that would hopefully leave me alone until I saw the lights. Damn things half-blinded me!
“Son, what are you doing back here? Can we walk to you?” one of the officers said, his face was clammy and pale, he seemed tired, he seemed–off. I didn’t respond or wait for them to try and get closer, I dashed past them before they could call their dogs on me and jumped the fence, running into the tree line. I managed to climb my way up a tree a ways into the woods before they could get around the fence and send their dogs out. They haven’t found me yet, but they’re still looking for me. I can see their flashlights periodically bathing the tree line in a pale glow. I think I’ll try to wait them out and then climb down and run for as long as I can. Not sure where I’ll go yet but they keep finding me so I’ll have to get creative. Not sure how they’re finding me so quickly and easily, but maybe I can come up with something. Is that–thing finding me? Does it always know where I am? Is it controlling the police? Maybe that's why they looked so…wrong. I don’t know. I’m starting to think I don’t know anything anymore. I keep noticing the static in the corner of my vision occasionally, not sure why.
-September 24, 5:03 PM
I fucked up. Big time. Last night, somehow, I fell asleep. I don’t know how, guess I was just too exhausted. The sound of a helicopter pierced through the top of the tree line. Before I could register everything, I slipped and fell down the tree. I was able to slow my fall a bit by dragging my hands along the tree–hurt like a bitch–but I still landed hard. Can barely sit down. I think I was able to avoid being detected by the helicopter. I’m going to start walking. Not sure where but, I need to go somewhere. The static is constantly in the corner of my vision whenever I focus on it now. Why is this happening?
-10:44 PM
This doesn’t make any sense, I don’t know what's happening anymore! I was wandering through the forest when the static came back. God, it was awful, forgot how bad it was. Hell, maybe it was worse this time. Who knows. This isn’t the weirdest, or worst, part. I woke up in my apartment, I’m exhausted, but don’t have any new visible injuries despite how shitty I feel. Not sure why that thing didn’t try to hurt me, maybe it gave up on trying.
The news was on when I woke up, God I’m so fucked. They found the bodies–the ones that I buried. Of course they found my DNA all over them, used their forensics or whatever to try to explain how I killed everyone. I’ll have to admit if it wasn’t all a setup by some evil entity out to get me it would be pretty convincing. Sometimes–I find myself believing it. I don’t know what to think at this point, nothing makes sense anymore. The static is far more noticeable now. My head is starting to hurt, too.
They haven’t come back to my apartment yet, probably don’t think I would return this soon after they searched the place. I know they’ll be here eventually but I’m too tired to care right now. My brother and his kids used to live a few hours out of town, I think he built a treehouse for his kids somewhere behind the house. Maybe I’ll go try and hide out there for as long as I can. As if that will be very long at all.
-September 26, 6:24 PM
Everywhere I look, everything I watch. They’re always out for me. Everyone is looking for me. The things the police and the media keep saying about me–the evidence that gets released every day, the testimonies, officials saying I have symptoms of psychological problems like psychosis and DID, of Bipolar. More and more–I’m starting to believe it myself. Surely it's that thing. Surely it’s getting in my head…right?
-September 27, 1:03 PM
Made it to the treehouse, glad it’s still here. Had a few close calls along the way when trying to steal food from gas stations but I made it ok. Glad I did, the static is starting to really cloud my vision and my head hurts so bad my ears are starting to ring. I’m not out of the woods yet, that’s for sure. I can sense them...it. They’re trailing me. I think they’re getting close.
I’m so tired, so confused. I don’t know what to do, what to think anymore. What’s next? Maybe I’ll try to get some rest…if I can, that is.
I could try to come up with something, some silver bullet or whatever. I have this one idea, it’s not smart or clever, not even close, but it’s an idea, and it won’t let it–them–it, whatever, win. At least I don’t think it will; besides, surely it has a bigger plan for me, right? There’s no way it would go through all this effort just to kill me…
-4:39
They found me. I can hear them outside. They’re getting closer.
To be honest, I don’t know anymore. Maybe I did kill all those people, maybe I am insane. I don’t know what to believe. There’s so much being said, so many people saying it. I’m just so confused, so tired, so scared.
There's a bomb on the chair beside me, homemade. Glad I grabbed enough supplies to build it. Took me a while to figure it out as well as a few close calls but I think I got it working. They’ll have quite the surprise waiting for them once they find me…
They’re at the base of the tree now. The static has almost completely consumed my vision and my head feels like it’s about to explode. I don’t know what’s real and what’s not anymore. I’m not sure why I was made the target of this, why this is happening to me at all, but regardless of the reason, I won’t let them win.
To the creature, or entity, to whatever is doing this to me: I’ll see you in Hell.
Goodbye
Aside from some generic legal stuff to conclude the report, that’s where the document ends. I’m not sure what to make of it. Definitely a lot to take in. I contacted the OP on the site I got this from but haven’t received a response yet, will update if I receive one. For now my only advice is be careful, and don’t go backpacking in Tahoe National Forest. If anyone has any thoughts or info, please, let me know.

Today I'd like to answer this question: Can decades of trauma from narcissistic abuse vanish overnight once you get a good relationship? This is a great question. The question looks at a scenario where someone leaves an abusive relationship and enters a new one, possibly a healthier one. They've been dealing with trauma symptoms like trouble sleeping, feeling empty, unloved, unappreciated, and overall feeling invalidated.
So, when you start this new relationship, you might feel amazing right away. You'll feel loved, validated, and really good about yourself. You'll even feel confident. At first, you might believe that all your trauma has vanished. You might even think you're completely healed and get really excited.
But here's the catch: that's just what the new relationship has done. It's given you a temporary feeling of relief. It's like a distraction, a way to avoid facing your trauma. Your past trauma likely involved other people, like your caregivers or your abusive ex. So, when you're with someone new, you might feel that relief or feel better simply because you're experiencing ‘love’ again or the love you never got from your past.
You might start to believe that feeling loved in this new relationship is how life should be, or that your trauma is gone because you're feeling loved. It's like putting a bandage on a wound - initially, it feels better because you can't see the wound anymore. Without seeing it, you don't feel the emotional pain, and you might even feel indifferent to it because it's temporarily hidden.
When you enter a new relationship, especially after narcissistic abuse, it might seem like your traumas have vanished or your wounds are healed. But that's not the truth. It's just a temporary mask. After a while, maybe a few weeks or months into the relationship, those traumas will come back to the surface. It's similar to using any coping mechanism, like drinking or drugs, to numb the pain. Initially, you might feel better, but eventually, the effects wear off, and the pain returns. The new relationship becomes your coping mechanism, which is why you feel excited and euphoric, thinking your traumas are gone.
The trauma will persist until you confront it head-on, rather than covering it up with more distractions. These distractions could be overworking, alcohol abuse, entering a new relationship, or anything else that keeps you from acknowledging the wound for what it truly is. True healing comes from facing the trauma, understanding it, and then letting go of the emotions that tie you to the past, the ones that keep you hooked on those painful memories.
A new relationship might seem like a positive support system, but it can't truly erase your trauma. Instead, it often serves as a temporary distraction, allowing you to avoid confronting your unresolved issues. Sometimes, the excitement and euphoria you feel in the new relationship stem from the validation and love it offers, something you may lack within yourself. However, if you become dependent on this relationship, you risk repeating the cycle and ending up in another toxic situation. Relationships can bring temporary happiness, but they can't heal deep-seated trauma. The real healing comes from within, by facing your fears and addressing the underlying issues you've been avoiding. It's a challenging journey, but it's necessary for true healing.
Note from the Author
If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

I cannot stand discreet guys. For context I'm in New York City, there's a shit ton of discreet guys here. I was talking with two, one was really obsessed with wanting to satisfy "your inner female desires" which was already a no for me. He kept sending me dry ass messages "yeah" "sounds good" "yeah" and I straight up told him that his messages were dry as fuck and I cannot humor this any longer.
I don't meet without face pics. I don't know how people do anon stuff but it's not for me. When I asked for face pics he was like: woah there bud, chill out.
Like sir I'm not gonna do anything with it. I just want to see if I need you to wear a mask or not. Overall a waste of my time, and one of his tattoos really weirded me out.
Now onto the second guy who really pissed me off. I tend to do hookups around my age. (Im in my 20s and the guy was 24) I was looking forward to it because we were really close by. He messages me and we chat then he asks me if I'm interested in hooking up. I told him I don't meet without face pics, do you have any? He said "after you" I send my face pic, and it has my entire face, and I'm holding some fruit. I asked him to send his.
And I kid you not, he sent a mirror selfie with his phone covering his face. Like I sent you a full face pic, and you have the audacity to send me that in return thinking I'm going hookup with you? I straight up told him: typically when one asks for a face pic, they expect a full face pic not a covered up one. I then proceeded to tell him that I'm not into these games, and hopes he has a good night.
Like I get that you're discreet, I get that you have some reason for being so hidden. I get it. But what I don't get is how you think people will want to hook up with you without seeing what you look like. If you get that, cool that's awesome. But I'm not doing anything with discreet guys for this exact reason. I even ask if they want to verify via snap or insta.
At this point it's on them. I'm sure the 24 year old was a great guy, and from the pic he sent (what wasn't covered) I'm sure he's handsome. However I can't and will not do anything if you aren't gonna send a pic.
I hope he's in this reddit ngl, cause I want him to know this. I would give him another chance ngl but I know that's 1 in a million.
I'm just so tired of these discreet guys acting like this. UGH it's so annoying. And if that makes me an asshole, so be it, I'm tired of the games.

Hello,
I have normal skin, no breakouts, wrinkles, fine lines, or hyperpigmentation. My biggest concern would be texture, my skin could be softesmoother. I also do notice a little bit of sagging, but could just be some weight gain, still maybe something could help lol. I think I should start incorporating anti-aging products including sunscreen (available in AU), looking for recs/alts to what I already use. The list below is things I use and/or have but hardly use.
Currently using
Make Up Remover: BareMinerals Smoothness Hydrating Cleansing Oil (I do not like cleansing waters)
Cleansers: YTTP Kale Superfood Cleanser, daily Dry days: KiraMoon Silkie Rinse Gentle Hydrating Ceramide Cleanser OR La Roche-Posay Toleriane Hydrating Gentle Face Cleanser (open to alternatives for dry days)
Toners/Treatments: Son&Park Beauty Water as a daily toner, mornings I've stopped using my Dennis Gross Peel Pads as a nighttime treatment, but I do miss it Honestly, my favorite steps are toneserum. I think they make a big difference for me, open to suggestions!
Essences: Mary & May Blackberry Complex Essence, Dior Capture Totale Intensive Essence, Tatcha The Essence (havent used them consistently yet)
Serums: Dior Capture Totale Le Serum, Tatcha Silk Serum, Skin1004 Centella Probio-Cica Intensive Ampoule, Olay Retionol Serum (havent used consistently), COSRX snail mucin (dont notice a difference with this one).
Moisturizers: I dont like using moisturizers often since I find using toner and serums is enough for me. I like Sleeping Packs a lot, I use Skin1004 Centella Hyalu-Cica Sleeping Pack or Pacifica Wake Up Beautiful Sleeping Mask. Sometimes, I'll go in with an actual moisturizer like Saint Jane Hydrating Petal Cream, Pacifica Ceramide Barrier Cream, Dior Capture Totale Cell Energy, Tatcha Weightless Firming or Dewy Skin, Kinskin Oat Ceramide Relief Oil
Facial spray: none, open
Sunscreen: Biore UV Aqua Rich (burns my eyes) Beauty of Joseon (burns), Pacifica Future Youth SPF 50 (also burns). I've tried Peter Thomas Roth Tinted Mineral, Murad City Skin, La Roche Posay Anthelios, Sheseido Wetforce - all decent and no burns but open to trying anything new! edit: I moved to AU and I think the recommended is SPF 50 and above. I prefer mineral but doesn't matter. I don't care about white cast. I think above 10% titanimum dioxide/4% zinc are the good ones, right? Can't remember :)
Thank you

I am a 19 yr old female and I have always had a fear of the dark. It’s ridiculous i know but when the lights are off the mind wanders. And mine often makes me see things that freak me out. When i was younger it was small things like seeing a face on a chair, and when the lights turned on it was just a pile of clothes. Over active imagination, i know. But we recently moved out of an old house and there a lot of things happened. My first time ever experiencing sleep paralysis when i was 14. I was laying in bed and i was at the end of the hall. We all know how sleep paralysis works but as i couldn’t move my body, my eyes wandered, and in the side of my view, i thought i saw someone in my closet. I could hear creaking and noises but it broke when i blinked. That was the first time i’ve ever felt that true fear of the super natural.
Around a year ago, we moved into a new house. A cute place but the neighborhood is terrifying. In the past year there were 3 murders just blocks from my home. It’s not a good area. Whole living in this house, I’ve been things move from my peripheral vision and at night i hear foot steps in my room, when i know everyone is asleep and no one else sleeps in here with me. I’ll hear whispers in my ear that will cause me to wake up and i have been experiencing nightmares that wake me up in a sweat. Nightmares are common for me but these ones have become more gruesome.
The other day I was talking to my mother about my feelings of this house and she said she also experienced something. She had woken up in the middle of the night to use the restroom. when she got out of bed, she said and i quote, “A tall black figure hovering over my father.” She said she turned on her lamp and it was immediately gone. When she told me this the lights above the kitchen bar flickered. It was chilling but we shrugged it off.
There are also some times when i feel like i see someone looking like a member in my family and I’ll follow calling their name but when i turn the corner they are gone.
Is this just my imagination? Please give input on what I should do.

I'm a man.
Every day is a battle against the weight of expectations. I juggle full-time work and college, pushing myself to the limits. The morning routine is a facade; I wake up at 8 but lie there, wrestling with thoughts until 9. The shower is a mask I wear to face the world.
I'm a man.
My worth is measured by what I can provide, not by my emotions. Tears are forbidden; they're the mark of weakness. Venting is a luxury I can't afford; I'm expected to swallow my pain, to grin and bear it because others have it worse.
I'm a man.
I dared to open up, seeking solace in someone who claimed to care. Instead, my vulnerability was met with silence, with a coldness that cut deep. In that moment, I was reduced, deemed lesser for showing what I thought was strength—my honesty.
I'm a man.
Behind the smiles and laughter at work, there's a constant struggle. The pressure to perform, to excel, to be the provider weighs heavy on my shoulders. I hide my doubts and fears, burying them deep where no one can see.
I'm a man.
Society's definition of strength is suffocating. Emotions are a battlefield, where showing vulnerability is equated with failure. I carry the weight of unspoken words, the burden of unshed tears, all while maintaining a facade of stoicism.
I'm a man.
The longing for understanding, for empathy, echoes in the silence of unspoken conversations. I yearn for a space where I can unravel the complexities within me without fear of judgment. But the walls of expectation seem insurmountable, trapping me in a cycle of silent suffering.
I'm a man. I’m okay.

Due to neglect from my parents, failing to get me to dentist appointments in school, I had what I feel is probably the worst day of my life...
(TW for mention/details of surgery, hospital stuff, vomiting, and more unpleasant stuff)
Had to wake up super early to go out of town to an oral surgeon, they had to see me almost an hour late because the X-ray machine was down, the topical numbing stuff was probably the most vile tasting thing I've ever tasted, then after waiting long enough that it basically wore off, I got like, ten different injections to numb my mouth and gums and such. Was one of the most painful experiences I've ever had.
Then, I had to sit there for like, 45 minutes, maybe an hour, as they jabbed, dig out, twisted, pulled, yanked, broke, cut, and otherwise removed the remaining eight or nine teeth I had on top. Every jab, every clank off my teeth, the cracking, breaking, and crushing of my teeth, the intense pressure being exerted on my skull as they were forcibly removed... One tooth basically exploded, and I saw some of my blood hit the surgeons face mask...
They sewed up the smaller holes as they went. By the time I was done, I was a massive ball of anxiety. Even though I didn't feel any pain for the most part, the anticipation, all the feelings and sensations, it was just... So much...
They sent me off, and after driving to the ferry, and then maybe a half hour after getting off the ferry, I started to feel nauseous and sick. My arms and legs started going numb. I was getting dizzy.
I'd had some issues with the gauze they gave me, and I wasn't able to hold it for an hour like they wanted me to. I couldn't keep it in place because of the teeth I was missing on the bottom row. So I'd had all this blood pooling in my mouth for over an hour.
Eventually I started panicking a bit, and I had to have my sister who was driving take me to the nearest emergency room. Then I had to wait like two hours in one of the most uncomfortable places I've ever been, while the numbing started to fade and my gums continued to bleed and the pain started to come into play...
There were two different people I'm pretty sure were experiencing some kind of drug withdrawal. One was curling up in different chairs, throwing up several times into a bag, and unfortunately he also made a mess of the chairs he'd sat in.
Then a cop brought in some girl who kept calling out to people that I don't think were there. Then randomly start crying, stop just as fast, etc.
Eventually I got to be seen, they figured out my blood sugar wasn't low like I'd thought. (One of the meds I take can cause it to drop) I was basically dehydrated, dealing with anxiety, and the numbing stuff they used also used an adrenaline thing which was making everything worse.
So they said they'd give me some meds to help with everything and send me on my way. Another half hour or so later, I got everything and I was on my way home.
Unfortunately, that isn't the end of my terrible day... As I'd had all that blood continuously pooling up, I was inadvertently swallowing a bunch of it without realizing, as my mouth was numb and I couldn't entirely control everything at the time.
I'd felt a little better when we got on the road again, but then everything started to come back, all the anxious feelings, the nausea, the numbness in my arms and legs.
I had to tell my sister to pull over, and I basically fell out of the car to my hands and knees and started throwing up a wonderful mixture of blood, spit, and water. It was excruciating...
Eventually I managed to settle down... My arms and legs were still shaking, but after cleaning up we were back on the road. Unfortunately... By the time we'd made it basically back to town, I had to stop again...
This time I was throwing up this awful brown liquid, which I assume was more blood and stomach bile, which is just as pleasant as it sounds... My sister had to stop at Walmart on the way back because her kid needed baby formula, and that's the only place in town that has the kind her baby drinks.
So I had to have her call a friend of mine to meet us there so he could take me home. She was also getting me some stuff I could have without needing to chew, like applesauce, yogurt, etc. but I didn't wanna risk throwing up in the store, and I didn't wanna sit and wait in the car feeling miserable either.
Thankfully, that was pretty much the last of it. One of the spots on my gums is still bleeding a little bit, but it's settled down for the most part. The pain in my gums has also thankfully gone away thanks to some ibuprofen. At least as long as I'm not messing with anything. My cheeks and lip actually hurt more than my gums tbh... Probably due to the fact my upper lip was swollen to the point that my nostrils were almost closed off as well for a bit.
But because of everything else, I basically had to throw out the shirt I was wearing because I couldn't keep from spilling blood on it. As a nice little cherry on top I guess... (Or maybe it's the fact that my birthday is tomorrow 🙃)
This was without a doubt, the worst day I've ever had. I still need to have a couple more teeth put, and I refuse to go through that again. I'm going to tell them I need to be put under to do it, or I'm telling them to do fillings and crowns instead of pulling them.
I feel like this whole ordeal was traumatizing in a way I didn't know was possible tbh... Obviously everyone gets nervous with stuff like the dentist, but I think this has genuinely ruined my ability to go to the dentist anymore.
This past year I've been trying to get my life together, take care of myself, etc, because I decided that I actually want to live. I want to be happy. And I'm taking steps to do that. But God if this didn't make me second guess everything all day...

I’ve never been on this subreddit before, but I kind of feel like I just need some advice from random strangers on the internet rn (if you know what I mean). I just received this text from one of my classmates:
“My name I got a question. I have been up past 1:30am at least for almost every night since 7th grade bc of school work and other outside of school stuff. How tf do you stay on top of your work?? Im out here putting in like 90% effort I can give and getting 70’s and stuff while spending a shit ton of time. When I go all in on effort and efficiency I get one good day and am tired for the rest of the week. I genuinely need advice 💀”
For context, I’m a highschooler who was pretty much labeled as a GT (gifted and talented) kid from the moment I was born, and I’ve always kind of been able to bullshit my way into finishing courses with grades that can typically range anywhere between 98-100 (before this year, my lowest final grade in a course ever was a 96). The thing is tho, I’ve got no possible idea how I even do it. I will start and finish an assignment less than 24 hours (most of the time less than that) before it’s due in addition to getting like 4 hours of sleep every night, working out at least twice a day, playing 8-game basketball tournaments on weekends, trying to juggle social dynamics so my new, few friends won’t find out I’m a fucking weirdo and leave me like my old ones, and trying to figure out what kind of person I am, what I care about, and who I want to be. It’s all exhausting, and, honestly, I think this text from my classmate has kind of made me tip over the edge. I always try to put on a face in front of classmates and such so that they’ll think I’m a put-together, high-achieving, never-stressed kind of person, when, in reality, I sometimes feel like I’d rather lay down for the rest of my life, forget that anything exists, and wait until I die. I guess this text from my classmate is text evidence that I’ve done a good job of masking how I really feel, but that makes me even more scared. I’ve always kind of felt alone, so I’ve had to rely on myself and my imaginary characters/stories for comfort/company, but now that I’ve been masking how I really feel/who I am for so long, I sometimes feel like I don’t even know who I am; I feel like I just exist to act out roles in everyone else’s stories. I don’t really know what I’m trying to get at or what I’m asking for help with, but anything feels like it would help right now since I can’t talk to “friends” or my parents about this (my parents are the kind that would tell me to suck it up and keep going because “my entire future is at stake”). Again, I apologize if my thoughts in this post aren’t very clear (I chalk it up to staring at the same text message for an hour), and I’ll clarify anything confusing later. I guess it would also be helpful for some advice on how to respond to my classmate (I don’t want to tell him the truth since I think that would be pretty discouraging). Thanks in advance for any advice.