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2024.05.16 15:05 Latte_Macchiato_8 Should I just leave? Is there any hope left….?
I am venting and seeking advice at the same time.
Today my husband was asking for space while I literally am being met over and over again with the silent treatment on top of the repetitive physical distance (like him saying he needs space but only he knows for how long. But all he said is he needs space). This is everytime I voice how I feel that leads up to an argument or whenever I can’t accept things, it has gotten to the point where I have been begging him to stay. After every single argument, just to see him leave.
Last night was the first time where he was sitting next to me after months of neglect and having to deal with my voices and anxiety alone. On top of disrespecting myself in begging him to stay and seeing him leave though the door over and over again in my head. Hence I couldn’t accept it yesterday. I know this is unfair but I can’t help but think “Why now? Why didn’t you do this before? How dare you? Honestly maybe I like being alone more now even if my thoughts are dark.. etc etc” It’s hard… I am aware that we are humans and I want to give myself grace but I keep fighting. Fighting for his love. While I’m empty yet giving unconditional love. Only to see him walk out of the door multiple times to trigger my abandonment issues. Don’t get me wrong now, he went through hell fire in his childhood too. Got bullied in school for years because of both parents abandoning him and him growing up with his grandparents from his mom’s side. Me too, just that my parents were physically there but emotionally so absent that I always wondered why I’m even here and secretly wished they weren’t so I could at least say that they were absent like he does… Now I am not saying mine is bigger or his is. It’s never a competition of pain. But when it comes to him it feels like it is always justified and he once just pulls away cause needs space and I ALWAYS check up on him. Because I’m aware of this trauma and try to accommodate. This time however I vowed to let him come to me first cause I am TIRED of doing so over a year now and being the person to keep pushing despite being done myself. And then getting punished instead of being appreciated for it. And feeling like he just (doesn’t or?) simply can’t be there for me like that anymore. I feel like it’s selfish of him but idk if I can even claim that cause I see how depressed he looks and behaves…. It’s just a lot and I am extremely confused after being neglected for so long even if it’s “justified” from his side… For now, I am just taking time out to spend with my loved ones since I have been neglecting them for a long time in the process. And taking their word for staying quiet just to see if he will reach out first since they’re aware of the situation and me being the person who always does this.
Financially I am also thinking where all the money goes considering he keeps getting fines and got into an accident twice this past year. Where he had to file for an insurance claim but couldn’t because of the language barrier. I help him with those things now, from mails to paperwork for his fines, and many more.. But it takes such a mental toll on me that I have no energy left to think about what I want to do, what I want for the future, for my life, for my work, etc etc. He seems to be so absent minded and forgetful nowadays that it feels like I married a different man for months than the one I fell in love with. He was so active, considerate and understanding. Idk who this man is anymore other than feeling like I am talking to a wall and who prefers his alone time smoking away his cigarettes more than being with me. Any concern i voice is seen as nagging, even if done in an compassionate and understanding manner (which I admit is hard for me cause I used to have a short fuse but I have worked so hard for it and can’t help but feel resentment. Even if he says he is over it. His actions prove otherwise) and how I should have more understanding for him instead of telling him that he is slacking off. Because then he either leaves again or starts to blame himself to the point where he says I’m better off without him even when I beg him to work on himself cause I see his potential. He just has these bad voices in his head that he lets them take over and it just hurts me to see him like that but I am also very aware that it has affected me for long enough where I feel obligated to take a step back and to really sit with my feelings so I can think about everything that has been happening. Idk anymore aside from reflecting myself....
If you made it this far, thank you for reading! Any tips will be MUCH appreciated and needed!
PS: He said he will come home after work to make some pictures of tools here at my parents place that he made for work. And that if I’m open for discussion that he is open to talk and if not it’s fine by him….
Extra INFO: I’ve been very patient and have seen slight improvement in previous bad habits and tendencies he has when it comes to his behaviour. I am just not a very patient person from nature and I want to nip things in the bud and resolve conflict fast. I feel tired of being the only one coming forward for conflict resolution just to not feel heard and understood. I feel like my partner doesn’t realise how much I swallow before I explode and he runs off…
I’m aware that this isn’t healthy and it’s taking a toll on both of us. I’m just explaining my side considering we have shared expenses and I take care of our savings. Seeing how easily he says “we have 2k left” while I see it as a safety cushion is concerning me. He never used to be like that. When we started dating he had an habit of budgeting. Scheduling his payments etc etc. He was extremely responsible and financially aware! I have tried to talk him into counselling and if marriage counselling is something he is open for? Considering his trauma from childhood he has complex PTSD and doesn’t ever open up. I understand and I always tried my best to make him feel safe and that it’s okay to cry as a man and what not because i genuinely feel bad for him and it hurts to see him like that. He also stated that he cried in front of me for the first time ever and that he never opens up to anyone and he only was able to do so with him so he doesn’t really see how counseling will help… And when I try to plan counselling, something always comes up like now where it gets delayed again.. So we keep postponing it. Plus I have to plan everything. From date nights. To even my own birthday get away. (And I am sorry to say this but even my exes at least got me a birthday cake or flowers??) I may not look the prettiest like when we started dating since I gained some weight after 3 miscarriages and the hormones but I am trying my best to workout. Just to see him be happy for me but not really doing so himself… He does it once or twice and now we both stopped again. It’s like a continuous limbo we are in. I’m really at a loss for words and feel so disassociating and lost. That I’m not sure if I’m just simply the problem…
Household chores wise I do the cooking and vacuuming. He does the laundry (sometimes me too), dishes and cleans the bathroom/ sinks.
I think it’s pretty fair considering he only cooked a few times. But this is just a side note.
submitted by Latte_Macchiato_8 to Marriage [link] [comments]
Today my husband was asking for space while I literally am being met over and over again with the silent treatment on top of the repetitive physical distance (like him saying he needs space but only he knows for how long. But all he said is he needs space). This is everytime I voice how I feel that leads up to an argument or whenever I can’t accept things, it has gotten to the point where I have been begging him to stay. After every single argument, just to see him leave.
Last night was the first time where he was sitting next to me after months of neglect and having to deal with my voices and anxiety alone. On top of disrespecting myself in begging him to stay and seeing him leave though the door over and over again in my head. Hence I couldn’t accept it yesterday. I know this is unfair but I can’t help but think “Why now? Why didn’t you do this before? How dare you? Honestly maybe I like being alone more now even if my thoughts are dark.. etc etc” It’s hard… I am aware that we are humans and I want to give myself grace but I keep fighting. Fighting for his love. While I’m empty yet giving unconditional love. Only to see him walk out of the door multiple times to trigger my abandonment issues. Don’t get me wrong now, he went through hell fire in his childhood too. Got bullied in school for years because of both parents abandoning him and him growing up with his grandparents from his mom’s side. Me too, just that my parents were physically there but emotionally so absent that I always wondered why I’m even here and secretly wished they weren’t so I could at least say that they were absent like he does… Now I am not saying mine is bigger or his is. It’s never a competition of pain. But when it comes to him it feels like it is always justified and he once just pulls away cause needs space and I ALWAYS check up on him. Because I’m aware of this trauma and try to accommodate. This time however I vowed to let him come to me first cause I am TIRED of doing so over a year now and being the person to keep pushing despite being done myself. And then getting punished instead of being appreciated for it. And feeling like he just (doesn’t or?) simply can’t be there for me like that anymore. I feel like it’s selfish of him but idk if I can even claim that cause I see how depressed he looks and behaves…. It’s just a lot and I am extremely confused after being neglected for so long even if it’s “justified” from his side… For now, I am just taking time out to spend with my loved ones since I have been neglecting them for a long time in the process. And taking their word for staying quiet just to see if he will reach out first since they’re aware of the situation and me being the person who always does this.
Financially I am also thinking where all the money goes considering he keeps getting fines and got into an accident twice this past year. Where he had to file for an insurance claim but couldn’t because of the language barrier. I help him with those things now, from mails to paperwork for his fines, and many more.. But it takes such a mental toll on me that I have no energy left to think about what I want to do, what I want for the future, for my life, for my work, etc etc. He seems to be so absent minded and forgetful nowadays that it feels like I married a different man for months than the one I fell in love with. He was so active, considerate and understanding. Idk who this man is anymore other than feeling like I am talking to a wall and who prefers his alone time smoking away his cigarettes more than being with me. Any concern i voice is seen as nagging, even if done in an compassionate and understanding manner (which I admit is hard for me cause I used to have a short fuse but I have worked so hard for it and can’t help but feel resentment. Even if he says he is over it. His actions prove otherwise) and how I should have more understanding for him instead of telling him that he is slacking off. Because then he either leaves again or starts to blame himself to the point where he says I’m better off without him even when I beg him to work on himself cause I see his potential. He just has these bad voices in his head that he lets them take over and it just hurts me to see him like that but I am also very aware that it has affected me for long enough where I feel obligated to take a step back and to really sit with my feelings so I can think about everything that has been happening. Idk anymore aside from reflecting myself....
If you made it this far, thank you for reading! Any tips will be MUCH appreciated and needed!
PS: He said he will come home after work to make some pictures of tools here at my parents place that he made for work. And that if I’m open for discussion that he is open to talk and if not it’s fine by him….
Extra INFO: I’ve been very patient and have seen slight improvement in previous bad habits and tendencies he has when it comes to his behaviour. I am just not a very patient person from nature and I want to nip things in the bud and resolve conflict fast. I feel tired of being the only one coming forward for conflict resolution just to not feel heard and understood. I feel like my partner doesn’t realise how much I swallow before I explode and he runs off…
I’m aware that this isn’t healthy and it’s taking a toll on both of us. I’m just explaining my side considering we have shared expenses and I take care of our savings. Seeing how easily he says “we have 2k left” while I see it as a safety cushion is concerning me. He never used to be like that. When we started dating he had an habit of budgeting. Scheduling his payments etc etc. He was extremely responsible and financially aware! I have tried to talk him into counselling and if marriage counselling is something he is open for? Considering his trauma from childhood he has complex PTSD and doesn’t ever open up. I understand and I always tried my best to make him feel safe and that it’s okay to cry as a man and what not because i genuinely feel bad for him and it hurts to see him like that. He also stated that he cried in front of me for the first time ever and that he never opens up to anyone and he only was able to do so with him so he doesn’t really see how counseling will help… And when I try to plan counselling, something always comes up like now where it gets delayed again.. So we keep postponing it. Plus I have to plan everything. From date nights. To even my own birthday get away. (And I am sorry to say this but even my exes at least got me a birthday cake or flowers??) I may not look the prettiest like when we started dating since I gained some weight after 3 miscarriages and the hormones but I am trying my best to workout. Just to see him be happy for me but not really doing so himself… He does it once or twice and now we both stopped again. It’s like a continuous limbo we are in. I’m really at a loss for words and feel so disassociating and lost. That I’m not sure if I’m just simply the problem…
Household chores wise I do the cooking and vacuuming. He does the laundry (sometimes me too), dishes and cleans the bathroom/ sinks.
I think it’s pretty fair considering he only cooked a few times. But this is just a side note.
2024.05.16 15:05 iSeelie Werewolf Online Duo Names?
I’m looking for duo usernames for me and my friend. (both female) Couple names are fine, we find them funny. Any suggestions?
…maybe she’ll actually be my girlfriend someday…haha.
submitted by iSeelie to werewolfonline [link] [comments]
…maybe she’ll actually be my girlfriend someday…haha.
2024.05.16 15:03 According-Name-7921 Can Dazai just fall in love? Any headcannons?
 | So I am writing a fanfic, I need ideas, so look in this story, A certain girl or woman, joined the agency (and btw she is very beautiful and also don't get me wrong but by beautiful I mean unnaturally beautiful, something that is beyond human perception and one look at her can make anyone feel pleasure of happiness and safety) submitted by According-Name-7921 to BungouSimpBattles [link] [comments] So after she joined the agency for temporary time and for some reason she was Dazai's roommate cause Dazai had to keep an eye on her because she was kind of suspicious, and then the whole guild arc happened blah blah blah, so Dazai and her become very good friends and for sure Dazai tried to flirt with her at first but she wasn't someone who would take his Bs, and as she was his roommate and Dazai was trying to get her, she started to understood Dazai and his inner thoughts and everything, she started to discover his true self even though Dazai was distant at first, Afterwards she felt sad for Dazai and because she wasn't a human and had some beyond powers, she made Oda came back to life just to make Dazai happy which Dazai didn't knew about, but she realized Dazai was still fucked up from the beginning and she started to understand him more and started to fall for him and love him truely even though she didn't show it everytime but she is someone who can understand Dazai completely, Dazai also felt attracted to her, So I wanna know will Dazai fall in love with her? And will he stay faithful? Or will he cheat afterwards and just use her? (Also keep in mind she is someone who gets along with Oda as friends and understands Dazai very well , and might love him truely and has told Dazai something that blew his mind off and change his perspective a bit, she is just as smart as him or maybe even more smarter with more knowledge about everything, she knows the aspects of life like the good and bad) So how do u think this will all play out in the time in season 5 when Dazai was in prison? Will he fall in love with her ? Or will he just use her? |
2024.05.16 15:03 Stonermaturity Aita for holding a grudge against my mom?
I f17 and my mom f35 have a rocky relationship, and it has gotten worse since my abúser finally left. Growing up I never had a good relationship with my mom, she was barely around when I was a child. But when she was we always argued, or she would scream in my face and beat me with a belt until I was bruised. She was a lesbian most of my life until I became a teenager. My mom and my grandmother made me out to be a bad, bratty, and lazy child just because I didn't want to clean my room or would argue back. My mom had taken me to a doctor because of my "bad behavior" and I got diagnosed with ADHD. The first time I had ever seen my mom get in a relationship with a man, let's call him "Jim" it went well for maybe the first year. He was like a father figure to me. Because my parents had separated before I was born due to my dad's schizophrenia. But after a while, Jim started showing his true colors. And had went off on me for the first time when I borrowed his old phone without asking. Due to the fact that the only entertainment I had were books. The phone had a radio app on it and I would listen to music. I had come home from school to find my room torn up where they had been looking for it. When I went into their room he was rolling cigarettes and I hugged him saying I'm sorry. He threw me off of him and started screaming at me, so I went back to my room. It got worse over time, and I was convinced that it was normal for parents to discipline their child like he was me, it had normally consisted of, screaming, hitting me, even giving me a small concussion. They had put locks on the fridge, freezer, and pantry, along with taking the nobs off of the stove so I couldn't turn it on and make something for myself. My mom didn't cook everyday and a lot of the times I had to go off of just what the school gave me. The day before Halloween when I was 13 I took a candy bar out of my moms purse because I hadn't had anything sweet in a long time, so my mom called the cops on me for theft. Then when Jim came home he screamed at me again. Instances like that happened a lot more. We later found out Jim was on hardcore drùgs and it had caused what we thought was his bipolar. So when he would argue with my mom he would find a reason to bring me into it and punish me. Or he would take something of his and put it in my room when I wasn't in there, or in the garage where my stuff was and take pictures of it before taking it out and showing my mom the picture so he could find a reason to get mad at me and take it out on me. He was with us for around five years and even if it isn't that long, it still left a scar nonetheless. He and my mom had my little brother who is now 4 years old. When my mom finally got rid of him she found a new man to bring around. Let's call him "James". James has been my mom's saving grace. He took care of our financial problems and added stuff to our house we never would've thought we'd have. But after a while he started trying to act like my dad, I didn't mind it at first but it became overbearing after a while. My mom ended up favoring James and my little brother. It was small things, like when she went shopping shed but a lot of food for the three of them and buy me one thing, expecting it to last me for 3 weeks. That one thing usually being a small bag of pizza rolls. My relationship with my mom got worse and worse as time went on and it got to the point where an incident happened and she sent me to a residential therapy facility for 5 months. When I came back things were better until I noticed her favoring them getting worse. This new years of 2024 I got into an argument with James. Which led to him packing his stuff. I locked my door so I could calm down and my mom came banging on my door saying she would never be happy as long as I was around. And hearing her say that made me do something that lead me going to a mental hospital. When it was the last day before I came back. My mom wouldn't let me come home and I had to stay with a family member until I was accepted to go to a trade school where I would live on the campus. I later found out it was because James said he would leave if I came back and she once again chose him over me. I'm now going to this trade school and sometimes go home on weekends for doctors appointments. My mom's best friend who's like a second mom to me told me that if I got terminated from here my mom was going to put me in states custody. That broke my heart, and since then I'll never look at my mom the same, I pretend to be nice, I respect her, and pretend we have a good relationship now, but when I turn 18 I'm going to move in with her best friend and her wife. The only thing keeping me from cutting her off is my little brother. I will never forgive my mom for chosing her son and boyfriend that's only been around for 2 years over me. And even her best friends sife with me and see what she's doing wrong. But my grandmother still makes me out to be the problematic child and saying that I shouldn't hold a grudge because she was just doing her best. So aita for holding a grudge?
submitted by Stonermaturity to FamilyIssues [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 15:02 Professional-Dish298 Finally Free at a Long Year
I am finally gone after a long year of living with the worst person I have ever met in my entire life.
This is not your typically slob (though he is a messy slob), but someone with narcissistic and grandiose delusions of themselves that makes life with them absolutely miserable.
I moved into a filthy 4br apartment with four unknowns last June. At first “Joe” seemed to be a normal guy and I made the mistake of extending an offer of friendship to him early on. Little things were a bit annoying, he used the living room as his personal storage rendering it unusable, left all his dirty dishes in the sink, the common annoyances.
About a month in I realized there was something off about this guy. I began to hear him creep outside my door late at night or catch him lurking out there. I would be talking to him and realize the conversation was always “one sided” and he was the type to drain and dominate you to the point of exhaustion. It’s strange because he seemed aware of what he was doing saying things like “I’ll let you go in a minute.” I started to feel exhausted being around him and the messes and clutter kept getting worse. I really started to think there was something off when I went into his room to get the vacuum with his permission and saw he had a wooden plank over his door that said “revenge”in red paint and a mirror with “nice girls wait at the finish line” drawn on it.
For some reason I kept giving him chances, inviting him out with me and my Gf or other friends (where he would dominate the conversation and throw fits it everyone wasn’t catering to his wishes), holiday parties (where he showed up an hour late with 4 coronas rather than a thanksgiving dish or the other where he said he would buy solo cups but got too high and forgot). I started to pull away but he would use it against me by stealing my things from my room (AirPods, jerseys, clothes, tote bags) and destroy things (tore the shelving off my wall and made it look like an accident). He would get EXTREMELY weird and passive aggressive.
Joe is the type of guy to present himself as a compassionate, open minded/liberal thinking, male feminist (he told me he cries about how other men talk about women’s bodies), with a pristine moral compass, but this guy is a manipulative psychopath. Once I pulled away he also began to plant seeds of manipulation with other roommates, texting them who knows what. At the same time he would text me his plans to become “passive aggressive” and “miserable” to force other roommates out, to badmouth them and say me my gf and him should just move in or that he wants to turn the rented house into a co-op or a crash pad for airline attendants. Despite it being a rental he sees the place as his FOREVER. Joe also started doing things like intentionally slamming doors, hiding my things, throwing away my mail, turning off the heat (the thermostat is in nice room), screaming and yelling? Etc.
Joe is also 29 and in community college after dropping out of 3 other colleges. Nothing wrong with that on the surface but he comes from old money and acts poor, and tells people he has graduated from a respected 4 year place rather than just embracing his life state. Joe also never leaves the house and perpetually smokes weed causing him to cooking food and forget it’s cooking, leave the doors wide open, etc.
Here are some things Joe has said:
“I probably didn’t get a job as a librarian because I’m over qualified, I am the most qualified CC student on the eastern seaboard”
Prefacing statements by saying “As and objectively attractive male”
“I know someone is going to come up and hit on me”
Making a joke about his penis this brining it up to my GF 3 other times acting like he was “so sorry” for making a joke about how big his wiener is.
General statements about how superior he is in morals, intelligence, attractiveness, etc. He is also a journalist and befriends people to use them for a story then discards them. He also creeps on their girlfriends like he did mine (also talked to my gf about how he loves sex with older women while I was in the bathroom, which my gf immediately told me about).
On top of all this the guy is a HUGE slob, hordes and leaves things everywhere. I had to clean the living room over the course of weeks to make it livable. The kitchen was disgusting with dishes and dirt. All he eats is hard boiled eggs, cereal, and spaghetti and it smelled horrible. Despite this he would gaslight all the roommates blaming the mess on whoever he wasn’t talking to. The entire house constantly smelled like weed and hard boiled eggs. The guy forced us to install a bidet and it was covered in you know what all the time.
I know many may have had it worse but typing this out feels good. If you met this guy in person, you would see what I mean. A literal psychopath who manipulated and has a grandiose sense of self. The funny thing is he always tried to act like my “friend” but the day after I left he discarded me like a narcissist does. That’s because he uses people like objects. Now there is a new person in my room for him to manipulate (and continue to manipulate other roommates).
I’m glad it’s over.
submitted by Professional-Dish298 to badroommates [link] [comments]
This is not your typically slob (though he is a messy slob), but someone with narcissistic and grandiose delusions of themselves that makes life with them absolutely miserable.
I moved into a filthy 4br apartment with four unknowns last June. At first “Joe” seemed to be a normal guy and I made the mistake of extending an offer of friendship to him early on. Little things were a bit annoying, he used the living room as his personal storage rendering it unusable, left all his dirty dishes in the sink, the common annoyances.
About a month in I realized there was something off about this guy. I began to hear him creep outside my door late at night or catch him lurking out there. I would be talking to him and realize the conversation was always “one sided” and he was the type to drain and dominate you to the point of exhaustion. It’s strange because he seemed aware of what he was doing saying things like “I’ll let you go in a minute.” I started to feel exhausted being around him and the messes and clutter kept getting worse. I really started to think there was something off when I went into his room to get the vacuum with his permission and saw he had a wooden plank over his door that said “revenge”in red paint and a mirror with “nice girls wait at the finish line” drawn on it.
For some reason I kept giving him chances, inviting him out with me and my Gf or other friends (where he would dominate the conversation and throw fits it everyone wasn’t catering to his wishes), holiday parties (where he showed up an hour late with 4 coronas rather than a thanksgiving dish or the other where he said he would buy solo cups but got too high and forgot). I started to pull away but he would use it against me by stealing my things from my room (AirPods, jerseys, clothes, tote bags) and destroy things (tore the shelving off my wall and made it look like an accident). He would get EXTREMELY weird and passive aggressive.
Joe is the type of guy to present himself as a compassionate, open minded/liberal thinking, male feminist (he told me he cries about how other men talk about women’s bodies), with a pristine moral compass, but this guy is a manipulative psychopath. Once I pulled away he also began to plant seeds of manipulation with other roommates, texting them who knows what. At the same time he would text me his plans to become “passive aggressive” and “miserable” to force other roommates out, to badmouth them and say me my gf and him should just move in or that he wants to turn the rented house into a co-op or a crash pad for airline attendants. Despite it being a rental he sees the place as his FOREVER. Joe also started doing things like intentionally slamming doors, hiding my things, throwing away my mail, turning off the heat (the thermostat is in nice room), screaming and yelling? Etc.
Joe is also 29 and in community college after dropping out of 3 other colleges. Nothing wrong with that on the surface but he comes from old money and acts poor, and tells people he has graduated from a respected 4 year place rather than just embracing his life state. Joe also never leaves the house and perpetually smokes weed causing him to cooking food and forget it’s cooking, leave the doors wide open, etc.
Here are some things Joe has said:
“I probably didn’t get a job as a librarian because I’m over qualified, I am the most qualified CC student on the eastern seaboard”
Prefacing statements by saying “As and objectively attractive male”
“I know someone is going to come up and hit on me”
Making a joke about his penis this brining it up to my GF 3 other times acting like he was “so sorry” for making a joke about how big his wiener is.
General statements about how superior he is in morals, intelligence, attractiveness, etc. He is also a journalist and befriends people to use them for a story then discards them. He also creeps on their girlfriends like he did mine (also talked to my gf about how he loves sex with older women while I was in the bathroom, which my gf immediately told me about).
On top of all this the guy is a HUGE slob, hordes and leaves things everywhere. I had to clean the living room over the course of weeks to make it livable. The kitchen was disgusting with dishes and dirt. All he eats is hard boiled eggs, cereal, and spaghetti and it smelled horrible. Despite this he would gaslight all the roommates blaming the mess on whoever he wasn’t talking to. The entire house constantly smelled like weed and hard boiled eggs. The guy forced us to install a bidet and it was covered in you know what all the time.
I know many may have had it worse but typing this out feels good. If you met this guy in person, you would see what I mean. A literal psychopath who manipulated and has a grandiose sense of self. The funny thing is he always tried to act like my “friend” but the day after I left he discarded me like a narcissist does. That’s because he uses people like objects. Now there is a new person in my room for him to manipulate (and continue to manipulate other roommates).
I’m glad it’s over.
2024.05.16 15:02 nastyhobbitses1 let my girl go on tuesday (presumed lymphoma) and I can’t cope
I officially adopted her just under 3 years ago, but we had been buddies for a few years before that (she was my boyfriend’s sister's cat and we saw a lot of each other). Despite the relatively short duration that she lived with me, she was my best friend, and I don’t know if I’ll ever have another like her; she was the sweetest, most loving girl, without a mean or malicious bone in her body. She was such an easy cat, she loved us, and we loved her. Though she was already 12 or 13 when she came home with me, she didn’t seem like an old cat and I thought we had years ahead of us. She made my otherwise lonely and monotonous WFH days in a new and isolated location bearable.
She’s always been an above-average vomiter, but my original vet was always dismissive of my worries and initially bloodwork seemed normal. Sure she was losing weight every year, but we just thought she was just old or had a food sensitivity and played around with different foods while trying to get her to eat more. Up until a month or two ago, she seemed normal and happy, but seemed to be slowing down; the vomiting episodes increased until they were a nightly thing. Bloodwork this time around showed chronic inflammation and anemia, and things spiraled horribly from there. We would be told later on by the ER docs that she had either IBD or intestinal lymphoma with no way to distinguish without invasive surgery and biopsy. We declined surgery and chemo, put her on prednisolone, an anti-nausea, and an appetite stimulant and thought we could keep her comfortable for a little while; in the end, we barely made a dent in her symptoms.
Cue days/weeks of bland chicken, baby food. Endless attempted diet changes, half-eaten cans of food, 5 hour ER visits because she could not hold anything down, watching my best friend waste away into a skeleton. Seeing and feeling every bone in her body, watching her start to struggle to get around the house, lose all her strength, and start to miss the box, daily pilling and begging her to eat, trying to keep her clean because she no longer had the energy to groom herself. Daily arguments about whether the cat is suffering, letting things go on one week longer because my partner can’t bear to call it and wanted to try another round of meds. On Tuesday she was hiding behind the couch again, when she tried to come out she yowled and collapsed. I thought she was dying, but she was possibly just too anemic and weak to stand; we rushed her to the vet, and while she was stable, we chose to end it there. I didn’t know it would specifically be her last day, and I didn’t get to hug her or say a proper goodbye that morning. She was too sick to eat her favorite foods one last time. Through all the nausea, traumatic vet visits, and the forced medication, she never stopped loving us or wanting to be with us.
I work remotely in a fairly isolating role and spend the majority of my week at home alone; I feel her absence everywhere, I cannot get the past few months out of my mind, and the scenes from the vet earlier this week are seared into my brain. I already took a day off work but I cannot stop crying, and when I’m not crying I can’t give a shit about anything or focus on the simplest of tasks. The apartment is strewn with a million of her things, but I can’t bring myself to put them away or get rid of them because I am getting rid of the last vestiges of her and it feels like a final betrayal. She didn’t have any particular favorite toys or blankets or anything, just preferred sleeping spots; I feel like I have nothing tangible left of her to hug or hold onto. I don’t know what I am trying to accomplish by posting this, or what kind of death I would have found acceptable for my super senior cat, but I need it off my chest, and I don’t know when this grief is supposed to abate enough for me to function. All I can try to do is remember her as she was before she got sick, but I am just so sick at heart.
submitted by nastyhobbitses1 to Petloss [link] [comments]
She’s always been an above-average vomiter, but my original vet was always dismissive of my worries and initially bloodwork seemed normal. Sure she was losing weight every year, but we just thought she was just old or had a food sensitivity and played around with different foods while trying to get her to eat more. Up until a month or two ago, she seemed normal and happy, but seemed to be slowing down; the vomiting episodes increased until they were a nightly thing. Bloodwork this time around showed chronic inflammation and anemia, and things spiraled horribly from there. We would be told later on by the ER docs that she had either IBD or intestinal lymphoma with no way to distinguish without invasive surgery and biopsy. We declined surgery and chemo, put her on prednisolone, an anti-nausea, and an appetite stimulant and thought we could keep her comfortable for a little while; in the end, we barely made a dent in her symptoms.
Cue days/weeks of bland chicken, baby food. Endless attempted diet changes, half-eaten cans of food, 5 hour ER visits because she could not hold anything down, watching my best friend waste away into a skeleton. Seeing and feeling every bone in her body, watching her start to struggle to get around the house, lose all her strength, and start to miss the box, daily pilling and begging her to eat, trying to keep her clean because she no longer had the energy to groom herself. Daily arguments about whether the cat is suffering, letting things go on one week longer because my partner can’t bear to call it and wanted to try another round of meds. On Tuesday she was hiding behind the couch again, when she tried to come out she yowled and collapsed. I thought she was dying, but she was possibly just too anemic and weak to stand; we rushed her to the vet, and while she was stable, we chose to end it there. I didn’t know it would specifically be her last day, and I didn’t get to hug her or say a proper goodbye that morning. She was too sick to eat her favorite foods one last time. Through all the nausea, traumatic vet visits, and the forced medication, she never stopped loving us or wanting to be with us.
I work remotely in a fairly isolating role and spend the majority of my week at home alone; I feel her absence everywhere, I cannot get the past few months out of my mind, and the scenes from the vet earlier this week are seared into my brain. I already took a day off work but I cannot stop crying, and when I’m not crying I can’t give a shit about anything or focus on the simplest of tasks. The apartment is strewn with a million of her things, but I can’t bring myself to put them away or get rid of them because I am getting rid of the last vestiges of her and it feels like a final betrayal. She didn’t have any particular favorite toys or blankets or anything, just preferred sleeping spots; I feel like I have nothing tangible left of her to hug or hold onto. I don’t know what I am trying to accomplish by posting this, or what kind of death I would have found acceptable for my super senior cat, but I need it off my chest, and I don’t know when this grief is supposed to abate enough for me to function. All I can try to do is remember her as she was before she got sick, but I am just so sick at heart.
2024.05.16 15:02 klofyty Why’s it gotta be kid friendly
I’m at the age where a lot of my life long friends are married with kids but there’s still a few of that are married or single that don’t have kids. I can’t stand when we go to make plans to go somewhere and the ones with kids go “let’s find a kid friendly place” or “is it kid friendly”. For example we were going to go out for my birthday and of course the friends with kids go “is it a place I can bring my kids” like ya the kids would be allowed at said place but why do you have to bring them, I don’t want to see them and then it’s all about keeping the kids entertained rather than us adults having fun. My friends who don’t have kids also feel the same way. Like leave your snot goblins with a damn sitter and come out or don’t come and then they always lead with “you guys are lucky you can do what you want”…luck had nothing to do with it and you chose your life. Sorry if this is all over the place I just had to get this off my chest.
submitted by klofyty to childfree [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 15:02 Thunder_Child000 BONNIE & CLYDE'S Day Off....POMO "Confessions" To PIMI Parents....(Because NOW It's Safe To Do This...)
~ This is an unapologetic long-form read for those who might enjoy such things. If that's not you, keep "scrollin".....go find a "meme" or something...LOL ~
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I've recently been greatly enjoying the "sharing" of my former....PIMO exit strategies, back when these were in full swing a few decades ago now.
The people I've been most enjoying "sharing" these with, is my now, somewhat "aged" PIMI parents.
And it's as my heading says....simply because it's now become totally safe for me to do this.
One of these "strategies" I was particularly proud of, was turning up early at a huge District Convention....and then deliberately seeking out as many members from our own Kingdom Hall in order to BE SEEN by them. So you know, a little bit of small talk and then we'd give some vague intimation that we were seated in some rather crazy, high up area within the huge "stadia" which was invariably used as a venue for such events.
( WE....in this instance = My young wife and my equally young self...)
Once we'd really exposed our presence to as many people as possible, we then knew that eventually, these KH members would bump into our respective parents and siblings and that THEIR "small talk" would likely cover how they'd seen us both earlier on that day.
"Oh yeah.....I was just talking to "Bonnie & Clyde" (made up names)....a little earlier. They mentioned they were seated high up in the stands somewhere..."
You know...THAT type of typical assembly "small talk" which usually takes place.
So, with this all in place.....my wife and I would then go separately to the car park area and meet up together.
This would be done right at the time the morning "prayer" was being given to ensure as many closed eyes as possible.
We'd then blaze out of that car park.....and head for the beach.
We had clothes changes already prepared and packed, and a hamper full of food and other goodies in the boot ...(or "trunk" )
Fast-forward 30 years and I'm now "confessing" this to my PIMI parents in a kind of:
"It's time you finally heard the truth..." .....type manner.
For those who may be interested, I'll do my level best to faithfully document the conversation.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PIMI PARENT: "So you played us?"
ME: "Oh yes....absolutely"
PIMI PARENT: "It wouldn't have mattered, Jehovah sees everything."
ME: "We didn't care what Jehovah saw, he wasn't our problem back then. YOU were our problem. And by YOU....I mean our JW family. You see, we strongly suspected, and to this day....still believe....that our JW family members had one very predictable thing in common, and that is that they all walked by SIGHT. We knew (for example) that so long as you thought our "bodies" were obediently seated at those conventions, you didn't really care too much what our "hearts or minds" were focused upon and yearning for.....and the many years that have since passed have proven us to be DEAD RIGHT about this.
PIMI PARENT: "What do you mean by THAT?"
ME: "Well.....how long is it now since we (Bonnie & Clyde) ...have ever stepped foot in a Kingdom Hall? It's been a very loooong time right?
PIMI PARENT: "Yes....that's been your own choice.."
ME: "Well...we were as clear about this back then, as we are now. But back then, it wasn't US who had a problem with that life-choice.....it was YOU."
PIMI PARENT: "Yes...but Jehovah..."
ME: "Can I respectfully, just stop you there. Do you honestly think or believe that we, in any way....share YOUR beliefs or concerns as these pertain to "Jehovah?" We don't now, and we never did back then. We TOTALLY get that you wanted us to be aligned with yourselves in this way, but we also reserved the right to exercise our own agency and choice in this matter."
PIMI PARENT: "So why bother with all that deception and facade that you're now telling me about?"
ME: "I'm so glad you've asked this. It was because YOU could neither be trusted, nor be expected to maturely handle OUR truth....should we have disclosed it to you back then.
You'd have withdrawn your support, your good-will, your familial fellowship and....thinking you were doing the right thing.....you'd have made our lives hell and tried to give us emotional traumas that neither of us rightly deserved.
And if I had ever granted you "just cause" in your own mind, and allowed you to follow through on all of that extremely predictable behaviour, then me and you would not be sitting here today discussing these things.
You'd have gone on the attack with me....(or with us) ....and my response to this would NOT have been pretty. YOU would have mistakenly thought that you could threaten me with "shunning" behaviour in order to leverage your own position, but I would have then shown you what shunning REALLY IS....because that would have been the last time I would ever have spoken to you or had dealings with you. I would have totally upped the ante on that religious "shunning" and without one shred of conscience, I'd have deemed you to be nought but an utterly moronic cult member who was of no practical use to me anymore.
I'd have moved as far away as it was possible to get, and you'd NEVER see me or your potential grandchildren ever again.
PIMI PARENT: "Well....you've always known your own mind.."
ME: "Well yes.....but I've always known the Jehovah's Witness mind also, because you raised me against that backdrop....and sadly, the Jehovah's Witness mind is EXTREMELY predictable.
PIMI PARENT: "What do you mean?"
ME: "Well, the JW mind was once so predictable, that it enabled me and my young wife to enjoy a nice sunny day on the beach, whilst all our JW family members thought we were seated in some boring...hours and days long convention. But I wasn't stupid. I knew the only flaw in this plan would be if Jehovah really existed and this really WAS the true religion.....and that the 1980s /90's really were this system's last days. We'd have been utter fools to have bolted for the beach if all of that stuff was really true....wouldn't we?
PIMI PARENT: "Well....you obviously didn't believe it to be true then did you?"
ME: "No....we did not.....it was YOU who believed all that....not us. So why did WE have to sit in that convention? To keep "Jehovah" happy? No.....we didn't really care too much about his happiness....but we DID CARE about our family's happiness, and we also cared about the possible damage and disruption our own self-assertion might have caused had we been too premature and not as calculating as to WHEN we would finally declare this.
PIMI PARENT: "I just can't imagine why you'd put yourselves through all that......deception?"
ME: "Oh....I know you can't. Because if you COULD imagine why, then that would mean that you could both relate to.....and understand.....what it feels like to experience rather burdensome religious expectation.....which only exists to keep YOUR PARENTS happy, and your familial relationships semi-normal.
It's an assumed dedication which means nothing to you....personally.....but is a notion which your very own parents simply can't compute or accept.
But you accept it NOW don't you?
PIMI PARENT: "Well, it all happened a long time ago...we were never perfect. We just wanted the best for you."
ME: "I know....and on the day we bunked off to the beach....we wanted the best for us too, believe it or not. We just had some very different ideas about what "the best for us" might really entail on such a beautiful, scorching hot day. Life is made up of such days, and you don't get them back. You're older now yourself and you surely know this.
PIMI PARENT: "So....I suppose there's a lot more we really don't know about that you were getting up to back then?"
ME: " Oh yesss indeed.....and NOW you're starting to get it if I may say so respectfully.
PIMI PARENT: "Get WHAT?"
ME: " Get the fact that whatever we've never disclosed to you, was always done with honourable and healthy motives. You see, we believe that your religion has the power to totally ruin and compromise familial relationships.
PIMI PARENT: "No....but...Jeho..."
ME: "Shhh...Just hear me out. We've NEVER LET that happen. Left to you, it could easily have happened at any time. But once we learned and accepted that your religion makes you unapproachable and utterly untrustworthy confidantes.....due to your pressing need to try and "judge" other people's deeds and actions.....well, we decided that you'd only ever be getting a sanitised and carefully edited version of our deeds and actions.
PIMI PARENT: "But you're both a well respected and responsible "worldly" couple who contributes a lot to the world's most needy people. What could you possibly disclose that would make us think ill of you....especially now that you could even be grandparents yourselves?"
ME: " Well....we still do some TERRIBLE things behind your back. We celebrate birthdays, and we celebrate Christmas....(for example) We have strong political opinions and we enjoy visiting Churches and Cathedrals for the aesthetic value. But the absolute WORST thing we harbour from you is that we think your religion is a man-made cult, and that you have basically wasted your lives in service to something deeply unworthy of the people you really are.....beneath that facade you wear...
PIMI PARENT: "This discussion is OVER !! "
ME: " Mmmm....I thought that might be just a tad TOO MUCH honest disclosure. There are some things that even the passage of time can't easily soften....so deeply anchored and entrenched are they.."
PIMI PARENT: Has indignantly left the Chat...
submitted by Thunder_Child000 to exjw [link] [comments]
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've recently been greatly enjoying the "sharing" of my former....PIMO exit strategies, back when these were in full swing a few decades ago now.
The people I've been most enjoying "sharing" these with, is my now, somewhat "aged" PIMI parents.
And it's as my heading says....simply because it's now become totally safe for me to do this.
One of these "strategies" I was particularly proud of, was turning up early at a huge District Convention....and then deliberately seeking out as many members from our own Kingdom Hall in order to BE SEEN by them. So you know, a little bit of small talk and then we'd give some vague intimation that we were seated in some rather crazy, high up area within the huge "stadia" which was invariably used as a venue for such events.
( WE....in this instance = My young wife and my equally young self...)
Once we'd really exposed our presence to as many people as possible, we then knew that eventually, these KH members would bump into our respective parents and siblings and that THEIR "small talk" would likely cover how they'd seen us both earlier on that day.
"Oh yeah.....I was just talking to "Bonnie & Clyde" (made up names)....a little earlier. They mentioned they were seated high up in the stands somewhere..."
You know...THAT type of typical assembly "small talk" which usually takes place.
So, with this all in place.....my wife and I would then go separately to the car park area and meet up together.
This would be done right at the time the morning "prayer" was being given to ensure as many closed eyes as possible.
We'd then blaze out of that car park.....and head for the beach.
We had clothes changes already prepared and packed, and a hamper full of food and other goodies in the boot ...(or "trunk" )
Fast-forward 30 years and I'm now "confessing" this to my PIMI parents in a kind of:
"It's time you finally heard the truth..." .....type manner.
For those who may be interested, I'll do my level best to faithfully document the conversation.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PIMI PARENT: "So you played us?"
ME: "Oh yes....absolutely"
PIMI PARENT: "It wouldn't have mattered, Jehovah sees everything."
ME: "We didn't care what Jehovah saw, he wasn't our problem back then. YOU were our problem. And by YOU....I mean our JW family. You see, we strongly suspected, and to this day....still believe....that our JW family members had one very predictable thing in common, and that is that they all walked by SIGHT. We knew (for example) that so long as you thought our "bodies" were obediently seated at those conventions, you didn't really care too much what our "hearts or minds" were focused upon and yearning for.....and the many years that have since passed have proven us to be DEAD RIGHT about this.
PIMI PARENT: "What do you mean by THAT?"
ME: "Well.....how long is it now since we (Bonnie & Clyde) ...have ever stepped foot in a Kingdom Hall? It's been a very loooong time right?
PIMI PARENT: "Yes....that's been your own choice.."
ME: "Well...we were as clear about this back then, as we are now. But back then, it wasn't US who had a problem with that life-choice.....it was YOU."
PIMI PARENT: "Yes...but Jehovah..."
ME: "Can I respectfully, just stop you there. Do you honestly think or believe that we, in any way....share YOUR beliefs or concerns as these pertain to "Jehovah?" We don't now, and we never did back then. We TOTALLY get that you wanted us to be aligned with yourselves in this way, but we also reserved the right to exercise our own agency and choice in this matter."
PIMI PARENT: "So why bother with all that deception and facade that you're now telling me about?"
ME: "I'm so glad you've asked this. It was because YOU could neither be trusted, nor be expected to maturely handle OUR truth....should we have disclosed it to you back then.
You'd have withdrawn your support, your good-will, your familial fellowship and....thinking you were doing the right thing.....you'd have made our lives hell and tried to give us emotional traumas that neither of us rightly deserved.
And if I had ever granted you "just cause" in your own mind, and allowed you to follow through on all of that extremely predictable behaviour, then me and you would not be sitting here today discussing these things.
You'd have gone on the attack with me....(or with us) ....and my response to this would NOT have been pretty. YOU would have mistakenly thought that you could threaten me with "shunning" behaviour in order to leverage your own position, but I would have then shown you what shunning REALLY IS....because that would have been the last time I would ever have spoken to you or had dealings with you. I would have totally upped the ante on that religious "shunning" and without one shred of conscience, I'd have deemed you to be nought but an utterly moronic cult member who was of no practical use to me anymore.
I'd have moved as far away as it was possible to get, and you'd NEVER see me or your potential grandchildren ever again.
PIMI PARENT: "Well....you've always known your own mind.."
ME: "Well yes.....but I've always known the Jehovah's Witness mind also, because you raised me against that backdrop....and sadly, the Jehovah's Witness mind is EXTREMELY predictable.
PIMI PARENT: "What do you mean?"
ME: "Well, the JW mind was once so predictable, that it enabled me and my young wife to enjoy a nice sunny day on the beach, whilst all our JW family members thought we were seated in some boring...hours and days long convention. But I wasn't stupid. I knew the only flaw in this plan would be if Jehovah really existed and this really WAS the true religion.....and that the 1980s /90's really were this system's last days. We'd have been utter fools to have bolted for the beach if all of that stuff was really true....wouldn't we?
PIMI PARENT: "Well....you obviously didn't believe it to be true then did you?"
ME: "No....we did not.....it was YOU who believed all that....not us. So why did WE have to sit in that convention? To keep "Jehovah" happy? No.....we didn't really care too much about his happiness....but we DID CARE about our family's happiness, and we also cared about the possible damage and disruption our own self-assertion might have caused had we been too premature and not as calculating as to WHEN we would finally declare this.
PIMI PARENT: "I just can't imagine why you'd put yourselves through all that......deception?"
ME: "Oh....I know you can't. Because if you COULD imagine why, then that would mean that you could both relate to.....and understand.....what it feels like to experience rather burdensome religious expectation.....which only exists to keep YOUR PARENTS happy, and your familial relationships semi-normal.
It's an assumed dedication which means nothing to you....personally.....but is a notion which your very own parents simply can't compute or accept.
But you accept it NOW don't you?
PIMI PARENT: "Well, it all happened a long time ago...we were never perfect. We just wanted the best for you."
ME: "I know....and on the day we bunked off to the beach....we wanted the best for us too, believe it or not. We just had some very different ideas about what "the best for us" might really entail on such a beautiful, scorching hot day. Life is made up of such days, and you don't get them back. You're older now yourself and you surely know this.
PIMI PARENT: "So....I suppose there's a lot more we really don't know about that you were getting up to back then?"
ME: " Oh yesss indeed.....and NOW you're starting to get it if I may say so respectfully.
PIMI PARENT: "Get WHAT?"
ME: " Get the fact that whatever we've never disclosed to you, was always done with honourable and healthy motives. You see, we believe that your religion has the power to totally ruin and compromise familial relationships.
PIMI PARENT: "No....but...Jeho..."
ME: "Shhh...Just hear me out. We've NEVER LET that happen. Left to you, it could easily have happened at any time. But once we learned and accepted that your religion makes you unapproachable and utterly untrustworthy confidantes.....due to your pressing need to try and "judge" other people's deeds and actions.....well, we decided that you'd only ever be getting a sanitised and carefully edited version of our deeds and actions.
PIMI PARENT: "But you're both a well respected and responsible "worldly" couple who contributes a lot to the world's most needy people. What could you possibly disclose that would make us think ill of you....especially now that you could even be grandparents yourselves?"
ME: " Well....we still do some TERRIBLE things behind your back. We celebrate birthdays, and we celebrate Christmas....(for example) We have strong political opinions and we enjoy visiting Churches and Cathedrals for the aesthetic value. But the absolute WORST thing we harbour from you is that we think your religion is a man-made cult, and that you have basically wasted your lives in service to something deeply unworthy of the people you really are.....beneath that facade you wear...
PIMI PARENT: "This discussion is OVER !! "
ME: " Mmmm....I thought that might be just a tad TOO MUCH honest disclosure. There are some things that even the passage of time can't easily soften....so deeply anchored and entrenched are they.."
PIMI PARENT: Has indignantly left the Chat...
2024.05.16 15:02 Salt_Individual_170 I'm going to do it.
Im not going to change my mind. I just want someone to hear me and listen to me. I want someone to care about me. I dont want attention or pity. I know I've done fucked up things.
These days it gets harder and harder. Food tastes like cardboard, sleep feels like I'm gauging my eyes out, everything I do makes me want to kill myself. Its all the same boring stuff. Im 16 now and have been struggling since I was 12, it hasn't got better, I feel it never will. I can't wait any longer for 'it gets better'. Its all bullshit. I just want to be heard. I want people to know that depression is no joke, and that I wouldn't mind being a pile of ashes as long as im not in pain. I just dont want to drag myself through the depths of life anymore. I want to be free. Im sorry to my family. I'm sorry to everyone here for posting a pathetic vent. I'm sorry for everything I've done and fuck the eating disorders for ruining my life, fuck the self harm for ruining my body and fuck all these illnesses that took my loved ones away. I hope everyone who wanted this is happy now. Everyone who ruined my life, ill never forgive you.
I won't change my mind and i won't back out so just please, I want to be loved. Maybe even just once. Check up on your friends and family. You never know when it could be their last.
Goodbye.
submitted by Salt_Individual_170 to depression [link] [comments]
These days it gets harder and harder. Food tastes like cardboard, sleep feels like I'm gauging my eyes out, everything I do makes me want to kill myself. Its all the same boring stuff. Im 16 now and have been struggling since I was 12, it hasn't got better, I feel it never will. I can't wait any longer for 'it gets better'. Its all bullshit. I just want to be heard. I want people to know that depression is no joke, and that I wouldn't mind being a pile of ashes as long as im not in pain. I just dont want to drag myself through the depths of life anymore. I want to be free. Im sorry to my family. I'm sorry to everyone here for posting a pathetic vent. I'm sorry for everything I've done and fuck the eating disorders for ruining my life, fuck the self harm for ruining my body and fuck all these illnesses that took my loved ones away. I hope everyone who wanted this is happy now. Everyone who ruined my life, ill never forgive you.
I won't change my mind and i won't back out so just please, I want to be loved. Maybe even just once. Check up on your friends and family. You never know when it could be their last.
Goodbye.
2024.05.16 15:01 SharkEva My husband kicked me out of the home because I invited over his mother
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Actual-Beach-4400 and u/Affectionate_Egg895 posting in Marriage
Concluded as per OOP
Content warning - mention of child sexual abuse, miscarriage
2 updates - Medium
Original - 30th March 2024
Update1 - 20th April 2024
Update2 - 13th May 2024
My husband kicked me out of the home because I invited over his mother
I preface this by saying I think I screwed up massively.
Hubbie and I have been married for six years now. He's always been the "fun guy", always laughing and making me laugh, always seeing the bright side of things. However, one thing that bothered me was that I never knew much of his family. His father died when he was little and he has little relationship with his mom.
I'll keep this short: four months ago I looked up his mom on social media and found her. I sent a message, and she replied. We chatted and met up, she doesn't live far from us. She knew all about me and her son because she kept an eye on him on social. We became friends and I filled her in with details about our lives. I asked her why hubbie went no contact with her. She refused to tell me why if hubbie didn't tell me, just said it was all her fault and she's ashamed of it. I proposed to try what I could to help them reconcile and she agreed even if she was reluctant at first.
In the following weeks I tried talking to hubbie about his mother and what happened between them. He always changed topic or shut me down. When MIL asked me how it was going, I told her things were progressing and I was working on it.
Last week I decided to try and have them meet up so maybe we could spend Easter together. I invited MIL over before my husband would be back from work so we could surprise. She was a bit unsure about this, she said she wasn't comfortable surprising him like that, but I reassured her. I thought that any emotion hubbie could have would be better cooled by a hug.
Spoiler alert, MIL was right. Hubbie came home, and after the initial shock started yelling like I never heard him to her to get out immediately. She just grabbed her coat and stormed out. Afterwards, hubbie told me to get out too when I explained what I had done. He didn't yell at me, but his voice was cold and almost emotionless.
I've been staying at my sister's since. Hubbie won't take my calls. MIL cried on the phone and asked why I lied like that and never talked to my hubbie and "prepared" him for that. Now she stopped taking my calls as well.
I know I have screwed up big time, and I see now what a massive dork I've been. How can I fix this? I want to apologize to hubbie for what I did and maybe find out why his mom is dead to him.
Comments
Maze_C
You’re a manipulative liar with no concept of boundaries. You’re staring divorce in the face and STILL want details on a situation that has absolutely fuck all to do with you. You know you’re a despicable person when even the estranged mother wants nothing to do with you. Grow up.
Update - 3 weeks later
The last weeks have been rough, but we might be okay. Hubbie opened up about the reason he cut off his mother and many of you were right, it was s3xual abuse. Not from his mother, but his stepfather. They were engaged and his mom was pregnant with his child when the guy started giving my husband "attentions".
Husband went to his mom but she shut him down accusing him of being jealous and wanting to spoil her happiness. This went on until his mother came home from work unexpectedly and walked in on the guy "giving attention" to my husband. She kicked him out, pressed charges and annulled their engagement, but the damage was done and my husband no longer trusted her. She also lost the baby due to stress and although she never blamed my husband for it, he felt it was his fault.
All this felt like a gut punch for me, first for what he went through, and then because now I am the person who shattered his trust. He said he did consider divorce over this, but pretty bluntly said that he thinks my actions were out of stupidity rather than malice, and he wants to work things out.
I am committed to do my best to become a better and safe partner for him, I know I have this stupid and selfish tendency to think that I often know better than him, but I have to get over it because it hurt him massively and almost imploded our relationship. I don't want to be another person he trusted and ended up hurting him.
He also decided to reach out to his mom and start talking to her again. He's not sure they can repair the relationship, but he wants for both of them to find some closure.
Comments
Strange_Salamander33
Literally, she forced him to relive trauma and tell a secret she had no business knowing. I’d definitely have divorced
RegieRealtor49
To be fair he had not told her about the abuse. She had no idea
Another example of someone with a savior complex trying to "fix" things.
Update - 3 weeks later
My husband is doing better and our relationship is slowly getting back to what it was. I know it will take a lot of time to repair the damage I caused, but I am willing to give him all the time he wants and do anything he asks out of me.
The bitter irony of this whole story is that he told me he had been thinking about reaching out to his mother, but on his terms and time. By going behind his back I almost destroyed that chance of reconciliation and imploded our marriage. I am working on myself and will start seeing a therapist next month so I never do something like that ever again and more importantly, never betray his trust ever again. Also, with my husband's knowledge and consent, I apologized to MIL for leading her on with false promises and she has forgiven me.
As for him and MIL, they started talking to each other, have met a couple of times in public and yesterday my husband invited her over for dinner so that in his words we all can try to start over properly. She's a very sweet woman and she's eager to reconcile with him and get to know me. My husband said that for now he wants for all of us to get a bit used to each other, then he and MIL will get to work on their traumas (his words).
He says she's not the "villain" in what happened, but he needs to come to terms with her poor decisions and his own feelings of guilt for her losing her baby. MIL on the other hand is very apologetic and extremely sorry about what happened (in my husband's opinion, sincerely so) and doesn't blame him at all for the miscarriage.
As for me, I just sit aside and do my best to rebuild the trust with my husband and become a better and safe partner. He started being affectionate with me again and we are no longer on thin ice, but I can't stop thinking I almost lost him because I thought I knew better than him.
Comments
Veronika9216
I remember your story, and I hope you appreciate how lucky you are to be given a second chance.
You know you screwed up when both your husband and the estranged parent are upset at you for what you have done. It seems you all are on the road of reconciling, but never forget that your short-sighted actions could have nuked any possibility of them reconciling and your own marriage.
Be thankful you are given this chance, don't screw it up and although your husband and MIL have forgiven you for breaking both their trusts, it will take time to rebuild their trust for you.
Syclone11
I am happy for you OP. You know how you massively screwed up and have shown yourself to be remorseful and have grasped what you did to your husband.
He and his mother have a lot of healing to do. You are right to stay out of it going forward unless asked by your husband. He is being affectionate because he does love you and knows you deserve redemption and is looking to give you that gift. You are very lucky and I think this will make you a more complete partner. I wish nothing but the best for you, your husband and his mother.
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
submitted by SharkEva to BORUpdates [link] [comments]
Concluded as per OOP
Content warning - mention of child sexual abuse, miscarriage
2 updates - Medium
Original - 30th March 2024
Update1 - 20th April 2024
Update2 - 13th May 2024
My husband kicked me out of the home because I invited over his mother
I preface this by saying I think I screwed up massively.
Hubbie and I have been married for six years now. He's always been the "fun guy", always laughing and making me laugh, always seeing the bright side of things. However, one thing that bothered me was that I never knew much of his family. His father died when he was little and he has little relationship with his mom.
I'll keep this short: four months ago I looked up his mom on social media and found her. I sent a message, and she replied. We chatted and met up, she doesn't live far from us. She knew all about me and her son because she kept an eye on him on social. We became friends and I filled her in with details about our lives. I asked her why hubbie went no contact with her. She refused to tell me why if hubbie didn't tell me, just said it was all her fault and she's ashamed of it. I proposed to try what I could to help them reconcile and she agreed even if she was reluctant at first.
In the following weeks I tried talking to hubbie about his mother and what happened between them. He always changed topic or shut me down. When MIL asked me how it was going, I told her things were progressing and I was working on it.
Last week I decided to try and have them meet up so maybe we could spend Easter together. I invited MIL over before my husband would be back from work so we could surprise. She was a bit unsure about this, she said she wasn't comfortable surprising him like that, but I reassured her. I thought that any emotion hubbie could have would be better cooled by a hug.
Spoiler alert, MIL was right. Hubbie came home, and after the initial shock started yelling like I never heard him to her to get out immediately. She just grabbed her coat and stormed out. Afterwards, hubbie told me to get out too when I explained what I had done. He didn't yell at me, but his voice was cold and almost emotionless.
I've been staying at my sister's since. Hubbie won't take my calls. MIL cried on the phone and asked why I lied like that and never talked to my hubbie and "prepared" him for that. Now she stopped taking my calls as well.
I know I have screwed up big time, and I see now what a massive dork I've been. How can I fix this? I want to apologize to hubbie for what I did and maybe find out why his mom is dead to him.
Comments
Maze_C
You’re a manipulative liar with no concept of boundaries. You’re staring divorce in the face and STILL want details on a situation that has absolutely fuck all to do with you. You know you’re a despicable person when even the estranged mother wants nothing to do with you. Grow up.
Update - 3 weeks later
The last weeks have been rough, but we might be okay. Hubbie opened up about the reason he cut off his mother and many of you were right, it was s3xual abuse. Not from his mother, but his stepfather. They were engaged and his mom was pregnant with his child when the guy started giving my husband "attentions".
Husband went to his mom but she shut him down accusing him of being jealous and wanting to spoil her happiness. This went on until his mother came home from work unexpectedly and walked in on the guy "giving attention" to my husband. She kicked him out, pressed charges and annulled their engagement, but the damage was done and my husband no longer trusted her. She also lost the baby due to stress and although she never blamed my husband for it, he felt it was his fault.
All this felt like a gut punch for me, first for what he went through, and then because now I am the person who shattered his trust. He said he did consider divorce over this, but pretty bluntly said that he thinks my actions were out of stupidity rather than malice, and he wants to work things out.
I am committed to do my best to become a better and safe partner for him, I know I have this stupid and selfish tendency to think that I often know better than him, but I have to get over it because it hurt him massively and almost imploded our relationship. I don't want to be another person he trusted and ended up hurting him.
He also decided to reach out to his mom and start talking to her again. He's not sure they can repair the relationship, but he wants for both of them to find some closure.
Comments
Strange_Salamander33
Literally, she forced him to relive trauma and tell a secret she had no business knowing. I’d definitely have divorced
RegieRealtor49
To be fair he had not told her about the abuse. She had no idea
OOP: I know I screwed up massively and I will do everything I can to become a better wife and safe partner for himxanif
Another example of someone with a savior complex trying to "fix" things.
Update - 3 weeks later
My husband is doing better and our relationship is slowly getting back to what it was. I know it will take a lot of time to repair the damage I caused, but I am willing to give him all the time he wants and do anything he asks out of me.
The bitter irony of this whole story is that he told me he had been thinking about reaching out to his mother, but on his terms and time. By going behind his back I almost destroyed that chance of reconciliation and imploded our marriage. I am working on myself and will start seeing a therapist next month so I never do something like that ever again and more importantly, never betray his trust ever again. Also, with my husband's knowledge and consent, I apologized to MIL for leading her on with false promises and she has forgiven me.
As for him and MIL, they started talking to each other, have met a couple of times in public and yesterday my husband invited her over for dinner so that in his words we all can try to start over properly. She's a very sweet woman and she's eager to reconcile with him and get to know me. My husband said that for now he wants for all of us to get a bit used to each other, then he and MIL will get to work on their traumas (his words).
He says she's not the "villain" in what happened, but he needs to come to terms with her poor decisions and his own feelings of guilt for her losing her baby. MIL on the other hand is very apologetic and extremely sorry about what happened (in my husband's opinion, sincerely so) and doesn't blame him at all for the miscarriage.
As for me, I just sit aside and do my best to rebuild the trust with my husband and become a better and safe partner. He started being affectionate with me again and we are no longer on thin ice, but I can't stop thinking I almost lost him because I thought I knew better than him.
Comments
Veronika9216
I remember your story, and I hope you appreciate how lucky you are to be given a second chance.
You know you screwed up when both your husband and the estranged parent are upset at you for what you have done. It seems you all are on the road of reconciling, but never forget that your short-sighted actions could have nuked any possibility of them reconciling and your own marriage.
Be thankful you are given this chance, don't screw it up and although your husband and MIL have forgiven you for breaking both their trusts, it will take time to rebuild their trust for you.
Syclone11
I am happy for you OP. You know how you massively screwed up and have shown yourself to be remorseful and have grasped what you did to your husband.
He and his mother have a lot of healing to do. You are right to stay out of it going forward unless asked by your husband. He is being affectionate because he does love you and knows you deserve redemption and is looking to give you that gift. You are very lucky and I think this will make you a more complete partner. I wish nothing but the best for you, your husband and his mother.
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
2024.05.16 15:01 Mental_Breadfruit492 I genuinely think my best friends are praying for my downfall
Whenever I get happy, naturally I update my best friends about my life but then they go ahead to give me the shittiest advice, making me unhappy all over again. Just this past week, I mentioned being involved in a really cool initiative that made me really happy, to which they (my best friends) managed to brainwash me into thinking that the initiative was no big deal and that anyone could get involved. Later on, I found out that one of my friends ended up applying for the exact same initiative that I was in. Tbh, this really rubbed me the wrong way. I want to ditch these friends for new people, but they are actually good people, they're just pretty insensitive and speak without thinking. Advice please?
submitted by Mental_Breadfruit492 to UBC [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 15:00 seedsofsovereignty To get the help you seek....
 | If you are posting to inquire about personal skin care concerns, please try to accompany the question with a clear, unedited, no makeup, in focus selfie thats cropped in close. submitted by seedsofsovereignty to 30PlusSkinCare [link] [comments] Self-care is not embarrassing. And skin care is a form of health care. But it is absolutely essential if you are asking for advice, to provide the information necessary to help you. I understand the hesitation. I have been very much against selfies, because of their flagrant misuse for attention seeking and validation seeking behaviors. However they have their utility, let me assure you. I have now began taking a selfie a day, not to hate on myself, but to see myself as I am, the exact moment I wake up to track how my health is showing on my skin. And it is because of that, that I now need to make an appointment with a dermatologist because I have a scab which I see going back a year, that has never healed. And I'm wishing I started taking these photos sooner than my 40th birthday. Luckily I happen to snap cheesy photos for my friends sometimes and had that for reference from a year ago. Step aside your pride, this is a great group, and there are a lot of members who just want to help. We don't know your face or history as well as you, so we can't focus in on your concerns without a fully clear picture of the whole area. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, aging is natural. If it's making you happy and confident, go for it, But you certainly don't need to do anything more than routine self-care If you don't want to. Natural faces are healthy faces also. We need to get past the illusion that polished and pristine faces are the only form of healthy self image. So here's me today, as I wake up, no makeup, natural lighting, cat hair, dirt, oil, the whole nine. Would love to see others as they are in the comments below. Maybe the others that are nervous about showing themselves And could use the help the most, will see that and realize that they are not alone and there is nothing to be embarrassed about here P.s. also for skin questions, it is important to always list age, and region for temp and humidity understanding, since that affects so much of the visual representation of your skin at any given season. 40- Florida (hot and humid right now- be thankful that this is not a photo of my armpits lol) P.p.s- Yes I still immediately have the first thought of what I would change about my face when I see my selfies. Like right away, I wish I had more eyelashes on the bottom, and longer ones on top. But I don't. And that's ok too because we're all supposed to be different. So I've learned to shrug the thought of my limitations off and be thankful for this breath I take instead. So many would've given their eyelashes for another breath I think to myself. Then I breathe and am grateful 🙏 Anyway, I hope this post comes across with the positive intentions I mean it in. |
2024.05.16 14:59 bongothebean A letter to nobody.
I can't email the people that I want to know these things that are in my head.. Nor do I want to. They don't deserve it and frankly, I don't care that much. But I can write it here and pretend this is addressed to you two horrible people.
I have to admit, finding out Eric was cheating on me for 2 years (that I know of, I've always suspected more and he was ALWAYS a horrible husband/partner - what was I thinking??) was a huge shock to my universe. Him finally admitting some sort of wrongdoing was something I was not used to. What was I used to? Constantly telling me I was paranoid, making me feel like I didn't deserve his attention, making me feel like shit, being a terrible parent BECAUSE YOU NEVER PARENTED, abandonment, silent treatment, financial abuses, selfishness, laziness, your shitty family.. the list goes on, really. But on the other side of this my life is better. I feel like I can breathe without you. I can enjoy things and see my friends without a constant guilt trip coming from you. I can spend MY money on things that I WANT to spend money on (or actually save it! fucking shocker there! no more credit card debt accruing because of YOU).
I really hate the impact he's had on my daughter, though. When he was still "with" us, his negative impact came in his indifference. Now, it's his indifference coupled with the distraction of stupid Clarisse. MY daughter deserved so much more. She deserves the fucking world. She's brilliant and funny and beautiful and so so so so loved, and I can't believe you didn't just cheat on me and leave me.. but you did it to BOTH OF US.
So many ways I want to insult Clarisse, so many ways I wish she knew the horrible impact she's had on a family, how she's changed a small girl's view on the world forever. Eric is a lost fucking cause. He is his father AMPLIFIED. I've given up on him understanding. But her.. I want to tell her I think her jawline looks like she's holding tobacco between her lip and her gum, that her hair is stringy and that I think she must be severely damaged to believe that what she's contributed to is OKAY. I want to ask her if she KNOWS that in our divorce agreement (that Eric agreed to and signed off on!) that she's NEVER allowed to have contact with our daughter. I want to ask her if she knows that Eric told me he'd never have kids with her. That he claims he will come in *EVERY* weekend to see his daughter, which means that *EVERY WEEKEND* for as long as they're together, he will not be with her, Clarisse. I want to ask how she plans to spend all of her holidays if he claims to be committed to seeing his daughter.. do you really want to NOT be with your *love* for the rest of your life on holidays? I want to ask if she knows how much student debt he has ($130k+) or how much credit card debt he has or how little he's actually contributing in child support. I want to ask if she knows that his dumbass didn't start planning for retirement until I asked him to consider it when he was finally around 36 years old because I worried that my contributions wouldn't be enough for us (fortunately, something I don't have to be concerned with now). I want to ask her if his weird patches of back hair and receding hairline turn her on.. or his LONG toenails or the fact that he eats his boogers AND earwax? There are so many horrible traits, horrible things about him, secrets he hides, habits that he doesn't, that I could probably fill a book.. but I'm glad you'll just get to experience them all uniquely on your own.. because he cannot and will not change. He refuses to work on himself. Refuses to deal with his deep rooted childhood trauma and his textbook narcissism. Eric will always be number one to Eric. Not you. Not his mother. Not his daughter. It will always be Eric.
My God.. I just wonder what your dynamic is like. At this point it feels more out of morbid curiosity. I hold anger because of what you've done to my daughter, but I'm glad he's out of my life. And truthfully, I hope that your family hates him. :)
submitted by bongothebean to u/bongothebean [link] [comments]
I have to admit, finding out Eric was cheating on me for 2 years (that I know of, I've always suspected more and he was ALWAYS a horrible husband/partner - what was I thinking??) was a huge shock to my universe. Him finally admitting some sort of wrongdoing was something I was not used to. What was I used to? Constantly telling me I was paranoid, making me feel like I didn't deserve his attention, making me feel like shit, being a terrible parent BECAUSE YOU NEVER PARENTED, abandonment, silent treatment, financial abuses, selfishness, laziness, your shitty family.. the list goes on, really. But on the other side of this my life is better. I feel like I can breathe without you. I can enjoy things and see my friends without a constant guilt trip coming from you. I can spend MY money on things that I WANT to spend money on (or actually save it! fucking shocker there! no more credit card debt accruing because of YOU).
I really hate the impact he's had on my daughter, though. When he was still "with" us, his negative impact came in his indifference. Now, it's his indifference coupled with the distraction of stupid Clarisse. MY daughter deserved so much more. She deserves the fucking world. She's brilliant and funny and beautiful and so so so so loved, and I can't believe you didn't just cheat on me and leave me.. but you did it to BOTH OF US.
So many ways I want to insult Clarisse, so many ways I wish she knew the horrible impact she's had on a family, how she's changed a small girl's view on the world forever. Eric is a lost fucking cause. He is his father AMPLIFIED. I've given up on him understanding. But her.. I want to tell her I think her jawline looks like she's holding tobacco between her lip and her gum, that her hair is stringy and that I think she must be severely damaged to believe that what she's contributed to is OKAY. I want to ask her if she KNOWS that in our divorce agreement (that Eric agreed to and signed off on!) that she's NEVER allowed to have contact with our daughter. I want to ask her if she knows that Eric told me he'd never have kids with her. That he claims he will come in *EVERY* weekend to see his daughter, which means that *EVERY WEEKEND* for as long as they're together, he will not be with her, Clarisse. I want to ask how she plans to spend all of her holidays if he claims to be committed to seeing his daughter.. do you really want to NOT be with your *love* for the rest of your life on holidays? I want to ask if she knows how much student debt he has ($130k+) or how much credit card debt he has or how little he's actually contributing in child support. I want to ask if she knows that his dumbass didn't start planning for retirement until I asked him to consider it when he was finally around 36 years old because I worried that my contributions wouldn't be enough for us (fortunately, something I don't have to be concerned with now). I want to ask her if his weird patches of back hair and receding hairline turn her on.. or his LONG toenails or the fact that he eats his boogers AND earwax? There are so many horrible traits, horrible things about him, secrets he hides, habits that he doesn't, that I could probably fill a book.. but I'm glad you'll just get to experience them all uniquely on your own.. because he cannot and will not change. He refuses to work on himself. Refuses to deal with his deep rooted childhood trauma and his textbook narcissism. Eric will always be number one to Eric. Not you. Not his mother. Not his daughter. It will always be Eric.
My God.. I just wonder what your dynamic is like. At this point it feels more out of morbid curiosity. I hold anger because of what you've done to my daughter, but I'm glad he's out of my life. And truthfully, I hope that your family hates him. :)
2024.05.16 14:59 Nikkii1221 How to distance yourself from a friendship
I 25F started being friends with Amy(alias)25F about four years ago. During our friendship I found that she wanted to spend every second of her waking time with me. She at the time did not work because her husband had good income.
I get tired of people really quick… I started going places without her and she would text me questioning why I didn’t invite her. I started distancing myself from her until she sent me a text saying that if I didn’t want to give her time or make time for her she didn’t want to be friends.
We didn’t talk for about a year. After that she got pregnant and we started being friends again but I maintained my distance because I didn’t want her to het too close to me and have to go over the same thing again.
Well…. We are back at the same thing. We don’t even live in the same state anymore. I dont talk frequently with my best friends, if they need something I’m always there but I’m not one to check in every couple of days. (That is how I like it)
Having any time of friendship with Amy feels exhausting. She is now a SAHM of two babies and still gets “sad” if we dont text often and keeps trying to make plans to travel and come see me. I may sound like the worst person on earth but I need her to understand I don’t want to be close. I am happy just being friends that talk every 6months or so.
She is now traveling to the state my mom lives in (she has briefly met my mom twice) and she has messaged my mother that she wants to see her…
How does she not get the signs that we are not close friends and I dont want to be close friends!!!
I know this might sound silly to some but I’m a really bad over thinker and don’t like hurting peoples feelings! I also hate confrontation
submitted by Nikkii1221 to FriendshipAdvice [link] [comments]
I get tired of people really quick… I started going places without her and she would text me questioning why I didn’t invite her. I started distancing myself from her until she sent me a text saying that if I didn’t want to give her time or make time for her she didn’t want to be friends.
We didn’t talk for about a year. After that she got pregnant and we started being friends again but I maintained my distance because I didn’t want her to het too close to me and have to go over the same thing again.
Well…. We are back at the same thing. We don’t even live in the same state anymore. I dont talk frequently with my best friends, if they need something I’m always there but I’m not one to check in every couple of days. (That is how I like it)
Having any time of friendship with Amy feels exhausting. She is now a SAHM of two babies and still gets “sad” if we dont text often and keeps trying to make plans to travel and come see me. I may sound like the worst person on earth but I need her to understand I don’t want to be close. I am happy just being friends that talk every 6months or so.
She is now traveling to the state my mom lives in (she has briefly met my mom twice) and she has messaged my mother that she wants to see her…
How does she not get the signs that we are not close friends and I dont want to be close friends!!!
I know this might sound silly to some but I’m a really bad over thinker and don’t like hurting peoples feelings! I also hate confrontation
2024.05.16 14:58 Paulycurveball So I'm a day one player so when I ask this question I would like that to be kept in mind when you give me advice.
So I'm thinking about getting nasty with Japan. I kinda just play them from time to time so I'm basically say 30% to maxed out. I really only want to go down this road so when I join official custom games, I can be that savage using Japan when everyone is using Russian or German in squad or lone. My two questions are 1. How does the uniform default work when a Japan army plays outside of the sphere they play in on official. Like I Wana go all out with uniforms and everything for Japan but I don't want to spend all those resources if I can only use the uniforms while playing on the natural maps to Japan. Another question for those of you who have mastered Japan. Is that scoped machine gun good? And is it worth investing in planes and tanks or should I just focus one ground and pound. Any other advice is appreciated even if it's to tell me not to spend this season on Japan. Thanks for your time and I wish you a happy new battle season friend.
submitted by Paulycurveball to enlistedgame [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 14:56 Quick_Performance660 My god Furiosa looks good
Furiosa looks so g ood! My god what a time for the movies. I'm so happy for Amanda and Sean and Bobby as they get PAID to watch and talk about movies. and their best friends and love talking to each other and love each other like friends. and i love listening to them and thinking what it would be like to be there with them having so much fun at the movie and with each other with th ebest life
submitted by Quick_Performance660 to billsimmons [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 14:55 happier-jealousy_ Great friend made me some bracelets a of my favorite songs🤍
 | I became friends with this girl this year and she has a whole Melanie collection, she’s the sweetest and most gorgeous girl I’ve ever met!! She’s going to the trilogy tour and she was sad when I told her I wasn’t able to go, but she made me bracelets anyway🤍🤍 I’ve given her a few gifts of handmade stuff for her birthday, one was a clay portals Melanie (which I will maybe post in the comments) and some other stuff. Just wanted to share and show that crybaby’s/ear things are just the sweetest and to not give up hope🤍🧚 submitted by happier-jealousy_ to MelanieMartinez [link] [comments] |
2024.05.16 14:53 No_Funny3533 Miyuki Miyamoto/ Yomi / Jeong Nahyeon Scam Network Sites JPNDATE CUDATE DATESTEADY SAYHIUP
 | UPDATED INFO throughout it. submitted by No_Funny3533 to Romance_Scamer [link] [comments] They have a new Scam Website: https://www.datesteady.com/ (Reuses JPNDATE assets even) I think she Chinese and Korean. They try to scam me a second time, her friend (I just wanted real love) Yomi/ Miyuki Miyamoto/ Jeong Nahyeon Written Before: There is this dangerous woman (same person) running many fake Chinese Romance scam websites, fake Instagram pages, tik tok, We chats, and many Chinese porn sites. It is the same person, she uses her looks with pictures and videos to steal money from men. She has many names she goes by, probably even more than I found. She also uses bots to get fake likes and weird Anime filters to try to look like an idol. She has scam artist female friends also I found. She the leader. I know a lot of scammers steal from other people's identities but that is not the case here. This is the same person as the scammer. My story will explain it. As well as this person has pictures of the same person you can’t find anywhere else on the Internet. Even if you do a Reverse Face image search. They said information that match to an unbelievable level. The person who Scammed me: Has Many names (Such As) And a talent for speaking many languages
https://www.instagram.com/gracegracemei/ Email: [miyukilovee@outlook.com](mailto:miyukilovee@outlook.com) (Something about BlessCeline Lovee) Skype ID: live:.cid.737fb9ac2ad5655c
(Make Sense) u/mingmei1344 https://www.instagram.com/mingmei1344/ https://www.facebook.com/liuliu.meimingmei (Owner of aiu_agency since 2015) u/aiu_agency https://www.instagram.com/aiu_agency/
Hotel Connected: SHILLA STAY Gwanghwamun Her Scam Artist friends who work for both Ai_U Agency and JPNDATE CUDATE (That I found) Vynnie_nat : https://www.instagram.com/vynnie_nat/#jiejierui_ngc: https://www.instagram.com/jiejierui_ngc/Veravera_zhangg: https://www.instagram.com/veravera_zhangg/Elle_owo_elle : https://www.instagram.com/elle_owo_elle/Qiqi_shenglim : https://www.instagram.com/qiqi_shenglim/Myemye_owo_ : https://www.instagram.com/myemye_owo_/Her Friends that are connected somehow but not sure how yet. They appear everywhere with the fake accountsRiyandiwilliam : https://www.instagram.com/riyandiwilliam/https://preview.redd.it/2d0g7b2las0d1.jpg?width=400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f25ee7d014b3ae338612c980a5db88eca5ef6cb5Summary: Jpndate.com is a dangerous Romance scam. All the women are paid actors for the website from China. They will try to get into a relationship with you very fast, don’t fall for it. They are milking you for money like if you're a cow. They will threaten to kill you or your family if you call out their scam. They might also say they will sue you. If you stop paying them, they will text you very little. They will never video call you face-to-face. Jpndate.com has a sister scam website from the same people called sayhiup.com. When you buy something on Jpndate the payment goes to Cudate Limited, so that site must be part of the scam also. There is a company in China doing all type of illegal and immoral practices. Their name is Zhengzhou Zhongzhiqi Technology Co., Ltd. / 郑州市中之祺科技有限公司 . They have their main technology business but they also run a list of many scam websites stealing money from American men, Asian, and European men. Such as Cudate, JPNDate, SayhiUp. These are romance scam sites where all the women work for the company. If you make a female account it will pend forever. Only men get approved. They claimed before to be an American-owned company then I exposed them now they claim to be Dutch. Their servers are all in China. They never filed paperwork with any foreign country. They are none of these the Chinese pretending to run many dating sites when in fact it’s all fake. They claim to be in nations their not. They have fake terms of service. I used PayPal before I didn't know it was a scam. I paid in dollars, but they refused to refund me till I told PayPal. PayPal made them. Then they refused to pay me the total amount they wanted to pay me on yuan when I paid dollars. I report them to FTC. They also try to hack my laptop for tell the government the truth about them. They probably get funds from the Communist Party government. They are very very bad people. Please look into it or forward this message somewhere where it can be looked into. Pretends to be a legit dating site but feel more like a pay-to-use website for fake love. All women here are paid actors for the site. The same few women have multiple profiles pretending to be different people. Funny part is anytime you call out JPNDate bs they change their terms of service. Screenshot everything people. They have a fake page saying their trying to stop scammers, it all bs they are the scammers. Host of JPNDate Servers: As the writing of this post: IP: 47.242.112.134 - Server: nginx GeoIP: HK - AS45102 (ALIBABA-CN-NET Alibaba US Technology Co., Ltd., CN) My Story: (Update): I know it is the same person, They told me in a text message. Do you like Asian women? Real Asian women? These ones are real! I know who they are. Hi! This is Mark Faraday talking to you. This is my story of how a website named JPNDate Idols scammed me out of 4000 American dollars. First, I was on Japan Cupid, a dating site. On Japan Cupid, no one can chat unless one of you has a membership. I bought a 1-week membership. Within 5 minutes to 10 minutes, a woman nicknamed Yomi from Japan messaged me; this should have been a red flag for me. We talked for a while. She said she was interested in me. She asked me if I could move over to the dating site JPNDate because she paid for membership there and not Japan Cupid. She also promised to delete her account on Japan Cupid after we changed sites. She does delete her account off Japan Cupid. Unlike a normal scam artist, who may only have 1 or 2 photos, she has several photos on her profile. My trust in her grows a bit seeing that. She then privately messaged me several more photos of her. She asked me for some photos, which I sent. She then sends back happy and heartfelt emojis. She told me she doesn’t date Asian men anymore because they were violent to her in the past and her last boyfriend cheated on her. She talked about how she didn’t want to fight with me. She also said we could talk about any topic. She would compliment me often, as I did for her. Of course, on my profile page, I try to post my best pictures. Throughout my life, I have had many different hairstyles. She even mentioned this and got very happy and asked if I was a hairstylist. The spam of talking between us was from January 20th, 2024, to March 24th, 2024. On JPNDate, there is an upgrade system. You need Blue Diamond to chat with others. Crown to send videos. Blue Diamond is 20 dollars per month, and Crown is 80 dollars per month. I got the Blue Diamond membership at first. It showed her with it too. After a day or two, she asked me to upgrade like she did to the Crown membership so she could send me a video. I upgraded it, and she did actually send me a video. All pictures and the video match the same person and the same face. Some pictures were in different locations, and some were like three different pictures in the same place. We then later buy a 6-month Crown membership for each other because it is cheaper than 1 month at a time. I bought it for her, and she bought it for me. At this point, I start to believe. This person was giving me all their time. They reply very often, and their texting time was the same as Japan timezones every single day. They spoke not only English but also Japanese almost fluently. However, they did let me know that they're still learning English and sometimes use a translator. She let me know that this website has something called a mall. This should have been red flag number 2. You pay 1 American dollar for each gold point. Paypal is the only thing that works. When we started dating, she said it was normal for couples in Japan to send each other gifts. It was a symbol of forever love in Japan, she claimed. As an American, I didn’t know if this was true. I googled it and couldn’t get a clear answer. She said whatever I bought her, she would buy me as well. She asked if I liked necklaces or charms. I said anything was fine. She wanted me to pick up a necklace. At first, she picked up a $1,000 necklace from the site mall and asked me. I said no; that's way too much money for that. She said how about a 300-dollar Jade Romance charm. She told me to get her white one; she would get me the green one. I questioned if she was legit. She started crying. She somehow convinced me at the time that she was legit again. I did buy it. A few weeks later, I did receive the overpriced Green Jade Romance love charm to my address from her. I never told her which day exactly my tracking information said it would come to my house, but I asked her, and her tracking date was the same week as mine. By the way something almost the same as this necklace is 12 dollars on Amazon. It also broke when I got it in the mail. Probably cost them 2 cent to make. For the next few days, we had a wonderful, happy conversation. It is late January, and I know Valentine's Day is coming. I offered to get her flowers. I got her flowers and chocolate at a very high price of multiple hundred dollars. She then gets so happy. She told me many times how she wanted to go to America and find me. We talked about many topics for several more days. She told me she worked in an office in Tokyo. Yomi told me her real name was Miyuki Miyamoto. Which is very funny because I told her before I was a Nintendo fan, and this is the same last name as Mario and Zelda Creator. She also said she had her apartment to herself, which is true; she does own an apartment. She talked about how life is stressful right now in Japan. She claimed to have grown up in the Japanese town of Nagano, Japan. She also said she had gone to a university in Tokyo with a major in computer science. She wanted to visit America in July for 15 days when she had her time off. July is a normal time for people to get off in Japan for vacation, so I thought nothing of it. I told her that I was from a smaller town in California, but I lived not far from San Francisco. I told her how my town is quiet and how I could see mountains outside my house. She said she wanted a peaceful life and that life in Tokyo is too fast. And she always had great things to say about every picture I sent. We also talk about going on dates. I asked most of the questions, but she did ask me questions as well. I started to ask her a lot of questions about Japan. Like if she visited Himeji Castle, she said no. However, I did say yes to visiting Mount Fuji. I should have asked for a photo of this, but I didn’t. She was very happy; she told me very many topics about Japan. We even briefly talked about anime. She told me she liked Digimon, Dragon Ball Z, One Piece, and Detective Conan. This information is important later. We also talked about how both of us were big Disney fans growing up. One day she told me, how work was busy today. I told her it was okay and we didn’t need to talk today. She did, however, still text me a little bit that day. This was the only day during our whole time talking when she was super busy. There is nothing wrong with this; all humans get busy. I decided to spend my evening drawing a picture of me and Yomi on a date to surprise her. When I sent it to her, she did not react. This was a red flag for me. I tried to convince myself that she just didn’t like drawings that much. I know I sound really dumb right here, but whoever I was talking to is very smart and knows a lot of things. We started talking a few days later about the idea of meeting and going on dates together. I know that the yen is weak against the American dollar right now. I told them I would pay for anything they wanted when they were in America because I was in love. This was a big, big, big mistake. They then asked if I could give them 1500 dollars to buy a plane ticket. Never give money to people you never meet in real life, folks. Don’t be dumb like me. Turns out the ticket was actually 2100, so they asked for another 500 dollars the next day, claiming their friend let them borrow the money, and they paid the difference. They did show me a picture of a plane ticket. With the name Yomi and the correct airports in Tokyo and San Francisco. This gave me more trust in them; I got a lot of photos, videos, and even a picture of a plane ticket. At some point, I talked to them about social media. They claim to only have Skype and Line. I found it very hard to believe a woman in her 20s wasn’t on Instagram or Tik Tok. I went on Instagram and typed Yomi, and I found a Yomi who looked just like her. This made me think: why did she lie? What confused me is that all the pictures on her Instagram were different from the ones she sent me, other than one image that was the same. Meaning that the images were not clearly stolen from there. I looked up JPNDate online; there isn’t much info on this website (Right Now), other than one reddit forum from 1 year ago. Someone said something about being scammed by an IDOL on this site. They also said the website wasn’t in Japan but in China. I was wondering why I never saw new females joining the website; it was the same 23 pages worth of them. I wanted to test the website to see if it was legit. I made another account, a fake male account with AI artwork. It was approved in one second. I then made a fake female account; it said pending approval. It has now been 2 weeks since I made that account, and it still says pending approval. This means all the women on this website have to be fake actors. There is also a setting on JPNDate to see who has been online last or which accounts are the oldest. When I asked weeks before, Yomi claimed she had been on this website only for a short time. Her oldest picture was dated October 20, 2023. Yet she has the sixth-oldest account on JPNDate, according to the website. The reddit forum I talked about before was over a year old. When I was on this website for a month, at least 10 other women tried to text me. There was this one profile of a woman from Taiwan, age 20. She texted me three times in one month. When I joined, her age was listed as 20, and at some point, she changed her age to 25 on her profile. I ignored all these women. This proves again that all these women are fake. I do think they are women based on how they type, but they are not truthful like they act like they are. As I write this, I just realized this is Yomi's sister; it matches the other Yomi account's sister tag. I knew this website wasn’t telling the truth. I found the JPNDate IP address and tracked it to a server in Hong Kong, China, hosted by Alibaba cloud servers. Reddit was right; the website is Chinese. I took pictures of the website code just in case. I asked Yomi if she knew Alibaba. Then she asked if I’m going to China—a very strange follow-up question. At this point, I was confused. Who is Yomi? I couldn’t find anything about Miyuki Miyamoto, only Yomi. On Yomi Instagram, she speaks Chinese, not Japanese. I started to think there are no Japanese women on this website like they claim to be. She does speak Japanese, though. I started using more than 10 different software programs to track who Yomi was. I found like 1000 pictures of an idol, WeChat model, singer, dancer, person on endless Chinese dating sites, and a valiant professional gamer part of the AI’U agency for over 8 years. I found two other Instagram accounts with Yomi's face. Another account in Chinese with an idol name other than Yomi also had a Facebook page. The Chinese account has a post about her going to Australia in early 2024, where she is typing in English words. I also found an account where she speaks only Korean on Instagram. I also found a tik-tok where someone dances and looks 100% the same as Yomi, to whom I’m talking. The part that is crazy is that none of the images are 100% the same, but the person is the same in all of them. This shocked me; I follow all the accounts. I saw the stories daily to see who this person was. Her Yomi account is just her normal pictures and atm company or something. Her Korean account is about traveling to Singapore, Spain, and South Korea. She also posts a lot about Disney toys here. When I talked to the scammer about Disney, I had no idea about this. At this point, I knew that many men had been scammed out of money for fake love, not just me. These women are real women. However, there are actors pretending to be in love. They will crush your heart and call you names after a few weeks if you don’t buy their stuff. It has to be from JPNdate Mall only, nowhere else. JPNdate Mall prices are crazy high. I am not sure if the point of the website is just for money or if it is actually for women to study English or what. Chinese women, pretending to be Japanese (most of them), that have connections to Korean music and gaming on professional teams. Man, what a hell of a story this is. This sounds like a Hollywood movie, but it's real, or at least partly. At this point, everything I say seems to be true based on what I know. Yomi told me early on that she had one older sister and one younger brother. It seems like she is actually a twin, and she is the younger sister. Yomi claims to be 25, but I think she is closer to 27 or 28 based on finding a listing of her work in 2015 at Twitch Gaming. You have to be 18 or older to work at Twitch gaming, unless your parents sign things. When I showed the pictures I found to Yomi on JPNdate, she played the victim card on me. Saying she thinks I’m a liar and she wants to break up. Then she gave me her Skype account to try to prove it was legit, and all the other images and accounts were stolen and fake. Her Skype name is Rose, with a One Piece picture. She sent me many voice clips, crying, trying to convince me that she was real. I put them in software, and the voice was 30% human, 70% AI. Clearly, a woman is changing her Chinese or Korean voice to sound Japanese. A PC gamer would know how to do this; they do it all the time to troll. Yomi told me she didn’t play video games anymore, but I found a picture that wasn’t that old of a woman who looked the same as her; she had a Nintendo Switch with a white OLED in it. Btw it’s a known fact that Yomi uses software to cheat in the Pc FPS games. I can’t let Yomi, her sister, and her idol friends scam men for their time and money. Yomi Chiense's name is Vera Yuanxin (维拉). Her twin sister goes by veravera_zhangg. Yomi “deleted her profile” when I exposed her. But Yomi is still there with no pictures. Two they clearly have other accounts with people who look like she just changed hairstyle, talking and trying to scam other men. Remember when I said the anime part was important? On Yomi's Korean account, she has a friend with whom she talks about Digimon. She gave him a Disney toy. She told me she wanted to cosplay a fox; his profile is a fox. There is just so much proof that these are the same people. Later someone hit me up on Reddit from the Phillippines and told me how the same person Yomi scammed them. How for months Yomi promise them so many things. Then when they said it came to going on the plane to visit him they said they were sick or dying or something. Yomi also made a fake Instagram pretending to be Joe Biden and sent me a friend invite. I messaged and it was so funny how bad it was on their part. I said “Yomi are you trolling me?” then they deleted their account. This was on April 6th, 2024. Yomi tries so hard but use a lot of cheap things that are clearly fake like ai artwork, bots for like at ai_u agency, and fake profiles where she comments herself and attacks anyone who calls her out fairly. After exposing Jpndate they Ip ban my address lol. Then on social media joke about attacking me. If you call out their BS they threaten your family and yourself. Just stay away from all these sites if you're going to date online use well-known legit sites. I got over 2000 screenshots of proof. https://preview.redd.it/evcjxw3yas0d1.png?width=207&format=png&auto=webp&s=1d920b832420b94b41a8a892b3a6550639465fa3 https://preview.redd.it/3efaaxw1bs0d1.png?width=1211&format=png&auto=webp&s=86bc36fe1eff756bad69385ce6338811dc95dd9c https://preview.redd.it/s1uz0wq3bs0d1.png?width=231&format=png&auto=webp&s=b6f53a39315f3d272cf929489a6d967279f99ef9 https://preview.redd.it/xzs8rw47bs0d1.png?width=1891&format=png&auto=webp&s=19cfe93538c48d2fcabff470ee3ced29dc5550b8 https://preview.redd.it/ce3z6rt9bs0d1.png?width=1404&format=png&auto=webp&s=5079b1c4cd1b1337b90152531b6a56ad4ab25c18 https://preview.redd.it/eaa5qd6cbs0d1.jpg?width=400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0fb4c711bcea17030eface95d3a3ebaab2cb0058 https://preview.redd.it/wl44id6cbs0d1.jpg?width=400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e89058b6481bc2cef8ffca25c05281926c3394d2 https://preview.redd.it/ekwi8f6cbs0d1.jpg?width=400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=05cb9a01f88801ee297b2b48344fb87754fc92d9 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2024.05.16 14:53 Rockyri [MF] She Will Rise Again
An early sunrise stirred me from whatever state I'd succumbed to. I hadn't slept - of that, I was certain - but I'd still woken, from some sort of unconsciousness. Time had passed so quickly through the night. I remember counting the seconds and then the minutes past midnight, willing each moment to slow down, to wait, to stop. But they didn't, and I knew they wouldn't. I know this feeling well.
And even quicker than the night passed, did the remaining hours of morning. It's suddenly 12pm and I'm stood before a courtroom, exploring all of the faces watching back. Some I love, many I loathe, others I look at with nothing but pity, and they're all waiting for me.
I'm not ready. I have to trust my voice and myself, but I don't. This moment is too big for me. But this moment is also not about me. So I stand firm, take a breath, and begin.
"My daughter Rosie died in my arms on May 19th, 2019. It was a Sunday, a few seconds past 8:50pm exactly when she took her last breath. I will always remember because the sun was close to setting, and somehow I just knew that it would be any moment. But how could I ever forget?
It was beautiful outside that night, in ways that I couldn't appreciate at the time. Like with most things these days, I struggle to find the right words to explain what's in my heart and mind. The sky was everything she loved and admired and so often spoke about, in her stories and poems and all of the other ways that she expressed herself. "Daytime retreating into night", "a vivid mess of twilight colours". She could say it better than I ever can.
In the distance, the sun was dipping below the horizon. I remember thinking that it was taking its time, like it was sitting still, like it knew. It felt as if hours had passed where it hadn't moved. I look back now and like to imagine that it was waiting for her.
Her brothers and I were right beside her. We held her throughout, spoke to her, whispered reassurances and promises, did all we could to make that moment as easy for her as such a moment can be. We opened the curtains so she could feel the sunset. After the weeks of pain, her peace was all that mattered to us. And when it happened, it was peaceful. If I hadn't felt her chest still and her heart stop beating, I'd have thought she was sleeping. She just didn't wake again.
I find it extremely hard to be grateful about most things from that time. But pure and vicious grief has taught me the value and importance of appreciating all wins, no matter how small they may be. So while little else, I will never stop being grateful that her moment was what it was and no one can ever take it away, from her or from us. She was surrounded by those who love her the most in this world. She was at peace, and the sun was setting. Her favourite time of day. She adored sunsets, and she chose a beautiful moment to go.
But this should never have happened at all. At the age of 25, she lost her life at the hands of those entrusted to save her. This wasn't a mistake, they happen, and this wasn't one of them. This was deliberate, with intention. They took her life. They broke her, violated her, did all they could to prolong her pain. Recorded it. Spoke triumphantly about defiling her, boasted about it, elated at having the opportunity to degrade her. Then they killed her - the very people who were supposed to save her. If that wasn't enough, they continued to desecrate her character, as if they are the victims whose lives are over. There is a sick and distorted irony there that lives in me and shall never settle.
Until recently, my heart hasn't had the strength to talk openly about her loss. Iwanted to. For her, for her brothers, for Jackson, for her friends, for me. But I couldn't do it. I could never find the courage. Doing so would have meant accepting that her missing, her absence, is final. And how could I ever begin to understand that she wasn't here? That she wasn't coming back? That someone I love so completely and unconditionally has gone through death?
How can someone who is still so very alive in my heart and mind and soul, no longer exist for me beyond those places? Where has her voice gone? Her laugh, her quirks, her wit and mind and love? Her beauty and gentle heart, her warmth and energy and spirit? How is it possible that she, and everything that made her, can be gone all at once?
I'm making my way through a stage of loss where acceptance barely exists. I cannot tell you what it is. I cannot explain it, I can only call it a limbo. Some sort of state, frequenting some kind of unconsciousness where time passes slowly and quickly. A limbo where you toss and turn, unsettled, uncomfortable, uncertain. Where you do not sleep but somehow still wake in the morning to the same pain, over and over, as relentless as it always is. There's no escaping it. Rest and peace are gone. The dread and fear and anger that this loss is forever is as paralyzing as the shock.
Being a father to six sons and one daughter is the greatest thing I have ever been. It's everything I have. My children are the hum and beat of me. But becoming the father of a daughter who's died... I didn't think I could ever survive. I didn't know how to be that man, and I didn't want to be that man. I often wonder how I'm still breathing. How much more of the grief my heart can take.
It's a pain that will never ease. I hurt for her every day. I hurt for her brothers and friends and their broken hearts, I hurt for Jackson and his agony, I hurt for the moments of her life that never got to be. I hurt for being a father that outlived one of his children, I hurt for not being able to protect her or save her, and I hurt from the restless love and parts of our hearts that are always hers, always, but can no longer be given to her. It will never not hurt.
I miss her. I'll never stop missing her. There is so much I wish I could tell her.
But I can't. So instead, I will say to all of you, that today makes the start of a journey for justice that we have spent these last four years fighting for. For my daughter. And for the five other victims and their families who must also live with their own broken hearts like we must.
I have to believe that somehow, she can still hear me. So, to my daughter; we love you more than you could ever know. And I'll keep your heart and love with me every day, til the very moment I can see you again. Until then, my girl, rest in endless peace. Rest in love, and rest knowing that we will carry you forever.
With my closing words, I'll say:
'And after all else is done, then so comes the setting of my darling sun. But I know that she shall rise again."
submitted by Rockyri to shortstories [link] [comments]
And even quicker than the night passed, did the remaining hours of morning. It's suddenly 12pm and I'm stood before a courtroom, exploring all of the faces watching back. Some I love, many I loathe, others I look at with nothing but pity, and they're all waiting for me.
I'm not ready. I have to trust my voice and myself, but I don't. This moment is too big for me. But this moment is also not about me. So I stand firm, take a breath, and begin.
"My daughter Rosie died in my arms on May 19th, 2019. It was a Sunday, a few seconds past 8:50pm exactly when she took her last breath. I will always remember because the sun was close to setting, and somehow I just knew that it would be any moment. But how could I ever forget?
It was beautiful outside that night, in ways that I couldn't appreciate at the time. Like with most things these days, I struggle to find the right words to explain what's in my heart and mind. The sky was everything she loved and admired and so often spoke about, in her stories and poems and all of the other ways that she expressed herself. "Daytime retreating into night", "a vivid mess of twilight colours". She could say it better than I ever can.
In the distance, the sun was dipping below the horizon. I remember thinking that it was taking its time, like it was sitting still, like it knew. It felt as if hours had passed where it hadn't moved. I look back now and like to imagine that it was waiting for her.
Her brothers and I were right beside her. We held her throughout, spoke to her, whispered reassurances and promises, did all we could to make that moment as easy for her as such a moment can be. We opened the curtains so she could feel the sunset. After the weeks of pain, her peace was all that mattered to us. And when it happened, it was peaceful. If I hadn't felt her chest still and her heart stop beating, I'd have thought she was sleeping. She just didn't wake again.
I find it extremely hard to be grateful about most things from that time. But pure and vicious grief has taught me the value and importance of appreciating all wins, no matter how small they may be. So while little else, I will never stop being grateful that her moment was what it was and no one can ever take it away, from her or from us. She was surrounded by those who love her the most in this world. She was at peace, and the sun was setting. Her favourite time of day. She adored sunsets, and she chose a beautiful moment to go.
But this should never have happened at all. At the age of 25, she lost her life at the hands of those entrusted to save her. This wasn't a mistake, they happen, and this wasn't one of them. This was deliberate, with intention. They took her life. They broke her, violated her, did all they could to prolong her pain. Recorded it. Spoke triumphantly about defiling her, boasted about it, elated at having the opportunity to degrade her. Then they killed her - the very people who were supposed to save her. If that wasn't enough, they continued to desecrate her character, as if they are the victims whose lives are over. There is a sick and distorted irony there that lives in me and shall never settle.
Until recently, my heart hasn't had the strength to talk openly about her loss. Iwanted to. For her, for her brothers, for Jackson, for her friends, for me. But I couldn't do it. I could never find the courage. Doing so would have meant accepting that her missing, her absence, is final. And how could I ever begin to understand that she wasn't here? That she wasn't coming back? That someone I love so completely and unconditionally has gone through death?
How can someone who is still so very alive in my heart and mind and soul, no longer exist for me beyond those places? Where has her voice gone? Her laugh, her quirks, her wit and mind and love? Her beauty and gentle heart, her warmth and energy and spirit? How is it possible that she, and everything that made her, can be gone all at once?
I'm making my way through a stage of loss where acceptance barely exists. I cannot tell you what it is. I cannot explain it, I can only call it a limbo. Some sort of state, frequenting some kind of unconsciousness where time passes slowly and quickly. A limbo where you toss and turn, unsettled, uncomfortable, uncertain. Where you do not sleep but somehow still wake in the morning to the same pain, over and over, as relentless as it always is. There's no escaping it. Rest and peace are gone. The dread and fear and anger that this loss is forever is as paralyzing as the shock.
Being a father to six sons and one daughter is the greatest thing I have ever been. It's everything I have. My children are the hum and beat of me. But becoming the father of a daughter who's died... I didn't think I could ever survive. I didn't know how to be that man, and I didn't want to be that man. I often wonder how I'm still breathing. How much more of the grief my heart can take.
It's a pain that will never ease. I hurt for her every day. I hurt for her brothers and friends and their broken hearts, I hurt for Jackson and his agony, I hurt for the moments of her life that never got to be. I hurt for being a father that outlived one of his children, I hurt for not being able to protect her or save her, and I hurt from the restless love and parts of our hearts that are always hers, always, but can no longer be given to her. It will never not hurt.
I miss her. I'll never stop missing her. There is so much I wish I could tell her.
But I can't. So instead, I will say to all of you, that today makes the start of a journey for justice that we have spent these last four years fighting for. For my daughter. And for the five other victims and their families who must also live with their own broken hearts like we must.
I have to believe that somehow, she can still hear me. So, to my daughter; we love you more than you could ever know. And I'll keep your heart and love with me every day, til the very moment I can see you again. Until then, my girl, rest in endless peace. Rest in love, and rest knowing that we will carry you forever.
With my closing words, I'll say:
'And after all else is done, then so comes the setting of my darling sun. But I know that she shall rise again."
2024.05.16 14:52 Starhand105 My Truth💯
I’m 21 BM that was diagnosed in Nov23 I went in for a my first std checkup and found out I had it Genital herpes 2.6 igg (The doctor said I had it for a while.)I was devastated I had no choice but too tell my gf at the time which supported me for a lil min and then ended up cheating on me a month later with two guys at our job😭. The doctor smiled in my face and told me live my life and be happy and try not to think about it🥲.Once I got to my car it took everything in me not to shoot myself in the parking lot and not go bck inside and shoot the doctor for downplaying my Hsv2 and for smiling like it was the common cold. I just feel like I was robbed of my opportunity to have good sex life and feel like the girl who gave it to me should have to forfeit her life for giving it to me.I’ve never had a outbreak but after I was diagnosed I started to notice tingling in random intervals on the left side of my genitalia and left side of my body doesn’t feel the same anymore. Idk how I’m going to date again or disclose(don’t plan on it). I’ve cut off almost all my friends just for the simple fact I don’t wanna be bothered by them. To the girl who gave me this virus I hope u die or get something worse than hsv2💯💯💯.
submitted by Starhand105 to HSVpositive [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 14:52 ankitam280 Why men get lonely and how to avoid it
Man is a social creature and it is usually uncomfortable for him to live alone. There are many reasons for loneliness, including unsuccessful experiences in relationships, prolonged searches for the ideal soul mate, and lack of self-confidence. It is possible to overcome this condition and it is not so difficult to do. We’ll tell you how.
Why is loneliness so bad?
In fact, the answer is not as obvious as you might think. In addition to not having a loved one nearby, there are other negative consequences. If you don’t see your friends often and are focused only on work, your social skills are lost and you become more withdrawn.
Temporary loneliness develops into chronic — it is simply difficult to let another person into your life, even if you want to. Over time, a career will cease to bring joy, and without support at home, problems will begin in it.
Living only for yourself, there is a higher risk of acquiring a destructive addiction, for example, to alcohol, which will affect all areas of life. Also, a significant disadvantage of such a life is the immediate absence of a large number of advantages that stable relationships provide: mutual assistance — domestic and financial, support, and more varied leisure time. In addition, it has been proven that people who are happy in their personal lives live longer.
Of course, there will be those who will say that single life also has many advantages, and will not want to change anything. But if you are reading this article, most likely the problem of loneliness is relevant to you. First, it’s worth figuring out whether this is a pattern or a pure coincidence.
An active lifestyle is the best cure for any emotional distress. So, when in doubt or after a serious breakup, sport is especially indicated. And in the gym or in the park you can meet the same active girl.
Look for new hobbies
Communication based on common interests can be a great start to a long, happy relationship. Or you will find a new talent or even a calling. Don’t close yourself within four walls, try different hobbies. Not in order to definitely meet someone, but so that life sparkles with new colors.
Focus on work
A career is a good way to distract yourself if things are not going very smoothly in your personal life. This will also allow you to gain financial independence, which will also be a plus when you finally want to start a family.
Meet with friends
Even if you don’t have a significant other right now, this is not a reason not to communicate with other couples. Who knows, maybe, looking at the relationships of your friends, you yourself will want such stability. And your bachelor friends will definitely help you take your mind off any dreary thoughts.
Get a pet
When the feeling of loneliness becomes too strong, you should get a pet. It doesn’t have to be a big dog right away; even small animals will make your life more meaningful and rich. And if you are already so used to loneliness that you don’t know how to start making acquaintances, definitely get a dog. You will have to walk a lot with her and periodically communicate with new people who will not be able to resist your four-legged friend.
So, have you realized that being alone has more disadvantages than advantages for you, and are you ready to change the situation? Then it’s a matter of time. An active social life and a positive attitude will be the first steps towards a new relationship. But if you feel that some internal complexes are preventing you from moving forward; or you have developed a strong fear of loneliness, you literally cannot be left alone — this is a signal that you should consult a psychologist. As we noted above, psychological trauma is sometimes to blame for chronic loneliness, and only a specialist can help cope with it. Why men get lonely and how to avoid itMan is a social creature and it is usually uncomfortable for him to live alone. There are many reasons for loneliness, including unsuccessful experiences in relationships, prolonged searches for the ideal soul mate, and lack of self-confidence. It is possible to overcome this condition and it is not so difficult to do. We’ll tell you how.Why is loneliness so bad?In fact, the answer is not as obvious as you might think. In addition to not having a loved one nearby, there are other negative consequences. If you don’t see your friends often and are focused only on work, your social skills are lost and you become more withdrawn.Temporary loneliness develops into chronic — it is simply difficult to let another person into your life, even if you want to. Over time, a career will cease to bring joy, and without support at home, problems will begin in it. Living only for yourself, there is a higher risk of acquiring a destructive addiction, for example, to alcohol, which will affect all areas of life. Also, a significant disadvantage of such a life is the immediate absence of a large number of advantages that stable relationships provide: mutual assistance — domestic and financial, support, and more varied leisure time. In addition, it has been proven that people who are happy in their personal lives live longer.Of course, there will be those who will say that single life also has many advantages, and will not want to change anything. But if you are reading this article, most likely the problem of loneliness is relevant to you. First, it’s worth figuring out whether this is a pattern or a pure coincidence.The main reasons for lonelinessSingle men are not uncommon these days. More and more representatives of the stronger sex are choosing a bachelor lifestyle, ignoring any attempts by women to involve them in a serious relationship. Sometimes the reason for this lies in deep psychological trauma, which must be dealt with exclusively with the help of a therapist. It could be loneliness syndrome, chronic depression, or something similar. But most often the desire to remain single is caused by social factors. Let’s consider the main ones and solutions.High expectationsIf your image of an ideal life partner has little in common with reality, finding “the one” can be extremely difficult. When setting any requirements for a future girlfriend, you need to clearly answer three questions. Are these qualities really important to you, and not imposed by someone? Are there even women who combine such qualities? And do you yourself meet such high criteria?Failed RelationshipsIf a person’s past relationship ended badly, he will not strive to enter into the next one, so as not to get burned again. Usually, it takes time for mental wounds to heal; you definitely don’t need to overpower yourself and look for a new girl immediately after a breakup. Reluctance to get married and take responsibilityThe world is changing rapidly and marriage is no longer the only possible option for two loving people. But here it is important to distinguish your desires from imposed stereotypes. Even in a situation where you are firmly convinced that marriage and children are not for you, it is not at all necessary to remain single. You just need to find a girl whose values coincide with yours. Or maybe you really want a family, but are afraid to destroy the image of the “alpha male”? You shouldn’t give up happiness in order to meet someone else’s expectations.Lack of financial well-beingIf you understand that family is a big responsibility, including finances, that’s good. So you are an adult. The lack of a stable income or the desire to live for oneself for now are fair reasons to avoid a serious relationship. It is important that you continue to develop so that by a certain age you can still achieve financial stability.Benefits of SolitudeIt’s hard to argue that there are many advantages to a single life: freedom, the opportunity to lead a wild life, or, conversely, to be in complete peace 24/7. But many are so carried away by them that they acquire the habit of always living independently. Is this your case? Think about it: do you still want to start a family in the future? If the answer is yes, the main thing is not to prolong this pleasant solitude. After all, sooner or later it will stop making you happy, and there is a risk of missing out on happiness.How else can you cope with loneliness?Play sportsAn active lifestyle is the best cure for any emotional distress. So, when in doubt or after a serious breakup, sport is especially indicated. And in the gym or in the park you can meet the same active girl. Look for new hobbies Communication based on common interests can be a great start to a long, happy relationship. Or you will find a new talent or even a calling. Don’t close yourself within four walls, try different hobbies. Not in order to definitely meet someone, but so that life sparkles with new colors.Focus on workA career is a good way to distract yourself if things are not going very smoothly in your personal life. This will also allow you to gain financial independence, which will also be a plus when you finally want to start a family.Meet with friendsEven if you don’t have a significant other right now, this is not a reason not to communicate with other couples. Who knows, maybe, looking at the relationships of your friends, you yourself will want such stability. And your bachelor friends will definitely help you take your mind off any dreary thoughts.Get a petWhen the feeling of loneliness becomes too strong, you should get a pet. It doesn’t have to be a big dog right away; even small animals will make your life more meaningful and rich. And if you are already so used to loneliness that you don’t know how to start making acquaintances, definitely get a dog. You will have to walk a lot with her and periodically communicate with new people who will not be able to resist your four-legged friend.So, have you realized that being alone has more disadvantages than advantages for you, and are you ready to change the situation? Then it’s a matter of time. An active social life and a positive attitude will be the first steps towards a new relationship. But if you feel that some internal complexes are preventing you from moving forward; or you have developed a strong fear of loneliness, you literally cannot be left alone — this is a signal that you should consult a psychologist. As we noted above, psychological trauma is sometimes to blame for chronic loneliness, and only a specialist can help cope with it.
submitted by ankitam280 to sexualtipsss [link] [comments]
Why is loneliness so bad?
In fact, the answer is not as obvious as you might think. In addition to not having a loved one nearby, there are other negative consequences. If you don’t see your friends often and are focused only on work, your social skills are lost and you become more withdrawn.
Temporary loneliness develops into chronic — it is simply difficult to let another person into your life, even if you want to. Over time, a career will cease to bring joy, and without support at home, problems will begin in it.
Living only for yourself, there is a higher risk of acquiring a destructive addiction, for example, to alcohol, which will affect all areas of life. Also, a significant disadvantage of such a life is the immediate absence of a large number of advantages that stable relationships provide: mutual assistance — domestic and financial, support, and more varied leisure time. In addition, it has been proven that people who are happy in their personal lives live longer.
Of course, there will be those who will say that single life also has many advantages, and will not want to change anything. But if you are reading this article, most likely the problem of loneliness is relevant to you. First, it’s worth figuring out whether this is a pattern or a pure coincidence.
The main reasons for loneliness
Single men are not uncommon these days. More and more representatives of the stronger sex are choosing a bachelor lifestyle, ignoring any attempts by women to involve them in a serious relationship. Sometimes the reason for this lies in deep psychological trauma, which must be dealt with exclusively with the help of a therapist. It could be loneliness syndrome, chronic depression, or something similar. But most often the desire to remain single is caused by social factors. Let’s consider the main ones and solutions.High expectations
If your image of an ideal life partner has little in common with reality, finding “the one” can be extremely difficult. When setting any requirements for a future girlfriend, you need to clearly answer three questions. Are these qualities really important to you, and not imposed by someone? Are there even women who combine such qualities? And do you yourself meet such high criteria?Failed Relationships
If a person’s past relationship ended badly, he will not strive to enter into the next one, so as not to get burned again. Usually, it takes time for mental wounds to heal; you definitely don’t need to overpower yourself and look for a new girl immediately after a breakup.Reluctance to get married and take responsibility
The world is changing rapidly and marriage is no longer the only possible option for two loving people. But here it is important to distinguish your desires from imposed stereotypes. Even in a situation where you are firmly convinced that marriage and children are not for you, it is not at all necessary to remain single. You just need to find a girl whose values coincide with yours. Or maybe you really want a family, but are afraid to destroy the image of the “alpha male”? You shouldn’t give up happiness in order to meet someone else’s expectations.Lack of financial well-being
If you understand that family is a big responsibility, including finances, that’s good. So you are an adult. The lack of a stable income or the desire to live for oneself for now are fair reasons to avoid a serious relationship. It is important that you continue to develop so that by a certain age you can still achieve financial stability.Benefits of Solitude
It’s hard to argue that there are many advantages to a single life: freedom, the opportunity to lead a wild life, or, conversely, to be in complete peace 24/7. But many are so carried away by them that they acquire the habit of always living independently. Is this your case? Think about it: do you still want to start a family in the future? If the answer is yes, the main thing is not to prolong this pleasant solitude. After all, sooner or later it will stop making you happy, and there is a risk of missing out on happiness.How else can you cope with loneliness?
Play sportsAn active lifestyle is the best cure for any emotional distress. So, when in doubt or after a serious breakup, sport is especially indicated. And in the gym or in the park you can meet the same active girl.
Look for new hobbies
Communication based on common interests can be a great start to a long, happy relationship. Or you will find a new talent or even a calling. Don’t close yourself within four walls, try different hobbies. Not in order to definitely meet someone, but so that life sparkles with new colors.
Focus on work
A career is a good way to distract yourself if things are not going very smoothly in your personal life. This will also allow you to gain financial independence, which will also be a plus when you finally want to start a family.
Meet with friends
Even if you don’t have a significant other right now, this is not a reason not to communicate with other couples. Who knows, maybe, looking at the relationships of your friends, you yourself will want such stability. And your bachelor friends will definitely help you take your mind off any dreary thoughts.
Get a pet
When the feeling of loneliness becomes too strong, you should get a pet. It doesn’t have to be a big dog right away; even small animals will make your life more meaningful and rich. And if you are already so used to loneliness that you don’t know how to start making acquaintances, definitely get a dog. You will have to walk a lot with her and periodically communicate with new people who will not be able to resist your four-legged friend.
So, have you realized that being alone has more disadvantages than advantages for you, and are you ready to change the situation? Then it’s a matter of time. An active social life and a positive attitude will be the first steps towards a new relationship. But if you feel that some internal complexes are preventing you from moving forward; or you have developed a strong fear of loneliness, you literally cannot be left alone — this is a signal that you should consult a psychologist. As we noted above, psychological trauma is sometimes to blame for chronic loneliness, and only a specialist can help cope with it. Why men get lonely and how to avoid itMan is a social creature and it is usually uncomfortable for him to live alone. There are many reasons for loneliness, including unsuccessful experiences in relationships, prolonged searches for the ideal soul mate, and lack of self-confidence. It is possible to overcome this condition and it is not so difficult to do. We’ll tell you how.Why is loneliness so bad?In fact, the answer is not as obvious as you might think. In addition to not having a loved one nearby, there are other negative consequences. If you don’t see your friends often and are focused only on work, your social skills are lost and you become more withdrawn.Temporary loneliness develops into chronic — it is simply difficult to let another person into your life, even if you want to. Over time, a career will cease to bring joy, and without support at home, problems will begin in it. Living only for yourself, there is a higher risk of acquiring a destructive addiction, for example, to alcohol, which will affect all areas of life. Also, a significant disadvantage of such a life is the immediate absence of a large number of advantages that stable relationships provide: mutual assistance — domestic and financial, support, and more varied leisure time. In addition, it has been proven that people who are happy in their personal lives live longer.Of course, there will be those who will say that single life also has many advantages, and will not want to change anything. But if you are reading this article, most likely the problem of loneliness is relevant to you. First, it’s worth figuring out whether this is a pattern or a pure coincidence.The main reasons for lonelinessSingle men are not uncommon these days. More and more representatives of the stronger sex are choosing a bachelor lifestyle, ignoring any attempts by women to involve them in a serious relationship. Sometimes the reason for this lies in deep psychological trauma, which must be dealt with exclusively with the help of a therapist. It could be loneliness syndrome, chronic depression, or something similar. But most often the desire to remain single is caused by social factors. Let’s consider the main ones and solutions.High expectationsIf your image of an ideal life partner has little in common with reality, finding “the one” can be extremely difficult. When setting any requirements for a future girlfriend, you need to clearly answer three questions. Are these qualities really important to you, and not imposed by someone? Are there even women who combine such qualities? And do you yourself meet such high criteria?Failed RelationshipsIf a person’s past relationship ended badly, he will not strive to enter into the next one, so as not to get burned again. Usually, it takes time for mental wounds to heal; you definitely don’t need to overpower yourself and look for a new girl immediately after a breakup. Reluctance to get married and take responsibilityThe world is changing rapidly and marriage is no longer the only possible option for two loving people. But here it is important to distinguish your desires from imposed stereotypes. Even in a situation where you are firmly convinced that marriage and children are not for you, it is not at all necessary to remain single. You just need to find a girl whose values coincide with yours. Or maybe you really want a family, but are afraid to destroy the image of the “alpha male”? You shouldn’t give up happiness in order to meet someone else’s expectations.Lack of financial well-beingIf you understand that family is a big responsibility, including finances, that’s good. So you are an adult. The lack of a stable income or the desire to live for oneself for now are fair reasons to avoid a serious relationship. It is important that you continue to develop so that by a certain age you can still achieve financial stability.Benefits of SolitudeIt’s hard to argue that there are many advantages to a single life: freedom, the opportunity to lead a wild life, or, conversely, to be in complete peace 24/7. But many are so carried away by them that they acquire the habit of always living independently. Is this your case? Think about it: do you still want to start a family in the future? If the answer is yes, the main thing is not to prolong this pleasant solitude. After all, sooner or later it will stop making you happy, and there is a risk of missing out on happiness.How else can you cope with loneliness?Play sportsAn active lifestyle is the best cure for any emotional distress. So, when in doubt or after a serious breakup, sport is especially indicated. And in the gym or in the park you can meet the same active girl. Look for new hobbies Communication based on common interests can be a great start to a long, happy relationship. Or you will find a new talent or even a calling. Don’t close yourself within four walls, try different hobbies. Not in order to definitely meet someone, but so that life sparkles with new colors.Focus on workA career is a good way to distract yourself if things are not going very smoothly in your personal life. This will also allow you to gain financial independence, which will also be a plus when you finally want to start a family.Meet with friendsEven if you don’t have a significant other right now, this is not a reason not to communicate with other couples. Who knows, maybe, looking at the relationships of your friends, you yourself will want such stability. And your bachelor friends will definitely help you take your mind off any dreary thoughts.Get a petWhen the feeling of loneliness becomes too strong, you should get a pet. It doesn’t have to be a big dog right away; even small animals will make your life more meaningful and rich. And if you are already so used to loneliness that you don’t know how to start making acquaintances, definitely get a dog. You will have to walk a lot with her and periodically communicate with new people who will not be able to resist your four-legged friend.So, have you realized that being alone has more disadvantages than advantages for you, and are you ready to change the situation? Then it’s a matter of time. An active social life and a positive attitude will be the first steps towards a new relationship. But if you feel that some internal complexes are preventing you from moving forward; or you have developed a strong fear of loneliness, you literally cannot be left alone — this is a signal that you should consult a psychologist. As we noted above, psychological trauma is sometimes to blame for chronic loneliness, and only a specialist can help cope with it.
The best tips for a vibrant intimate lifeThe best tips for a vibrant intimate life
2024.05.16 14:52 ErrorKindly102 AITA for calling my MIL and SIL ignorant in front of family friends?
I (29f) have been married to my husband James for just over a year. I'm Irish, he's American and we currently live in America. My name is Ciara. It's pronounced like Keira Knightley not like Sierra or Kee-ar-uh like Simba's daughter from the Lion King 2. My middle name is Sinéad. My ILs struggled badly with my name when we met despite constant corrections. They default to Sierra. My SIL made some ignorant comments about being in America and so embracing the Sierra pronunciation instead of my weird one. Or she suggested I use the same spelling as Keira Knightley. James quickly told her to cut that out and to accept my name wasn't said that way.
I accept sometimes they slip on my name and default to what most people do over here. So I offered to let them use my middle name. But they butcher that too and I know they can say it because MIL was a huge Sinéad O'Connor fan and she can say that correctly. So we don't see his family often because of this. I'm not someone who wants a fight but I also don't dismiss disrespect either.
For my BILs birthday we were around the rest of the family for a bit to celebrate him and during that MIL and SIL decided to introduce me to some of their family friends. But they introduced me as Sierra and when I tried to make the correction they spoke over me. I didn't like that so I lost my temper a bit and told them they shouldn't be so ignorant at their ages and stop purposely using the wrong pronunciation because they know it drives me bonkers. I corrected the "mistake" of both and told the family friends my name is Ciara, said like Keira and then I walked back to find my husband.
MIL and SIL weren't a bit happy with me at all and a bit of a row broke out because James defended me and so did BIL actually. MIL and SIL argued I went out of my way to shame them to other people and it was wrong of me. It became such a big deal that James and I apologized to my BIL and left. But MIL and SIL called afterwards and told me I had no right to make such a scene in front of their friends.
AITA?
submitted by ErrorKindly102 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
I accept sometimes they slip on my name and default to what most people do over here. So I offered to let them use my middle name. But they butcher that too and I know they can say it because MIL was a huge Sinéad O'Connor fan and she can say that correctly. So we don't see his family often because of this. I'm not someone who wants a fight but I also don't dismiss disrespect either.
For my BILs birthday we were around the rest of the family for a bit to celebrate him and during that MIL and SIL decided to introduce me to some of their family friends. But they introduced me as Sierra and when I tried to make the correction they spoke over me. I didn't like that so I lost my temper a bit and told them they shouldn't be so ignorant at their ages and stop purposely using the wrong pronunciation because they know it drives me bonkers. I corrected the "mistake" of both and told the family friends my name is Ciara, said like Keira and then I walked back to find my husband.
MIL and SIL weren't a bit happy with me at all and a bit of a row broke out because James defended me and so did BIL actually. MIL and SIL argued I went out of my way to shame them to other people and it was wrong of me. It became such a big deal that James and I apologized to my BIL and left. But MIL and SIL called afterwards and told me I had no right to make such a scene in front of their friends.
AITA?