Chest and face pain

Tired of being, weary of the sleepless nights, Tired of meals that feel like fights. Every bite, every swallow, a forced march, Through a life that's grown so stark and harsh.
Everything is pain, a constant searing thread, Feeling nothing but the shame that spreads. A stain on my soul, dark and deep, What twisted paths led me to this steep?
Once I felt—oh, how vividly! Once hope flowed through me, so easily. But now all that I know, all that I keep, Are the methods I've mastered just to cope, just to creep.
Through days that merge into a blur, Where feelings numb and memories stir Faintly, like ghosts in the mist, Haunting the edges of a life half-lived.
Faking a smile as if it's all fine, Painting joy on a face that betrays the line Of tears that trace a silent plea, In the mirror—a reflection of the lost me.
Faking a life, a dreadful art, Playing a role I know by heart. Each act, each scene perfectly timed, To hide the turmoil that churns behind.
Faking that I'm alright, when inside I scream, In a world where being happy is just a dream. Where each day is a battle, each night a war, And peace is a legend from some forgotten lore.
Tired of this masquerade, so weary and worn, Yearning for the day I can cease to perform. Yet I tread onward, one step then another, Hiding behind masks, from one to the other.

My LO is 6 months and has had severe reflux since he was born. He's been EBF with some formula top ups in the beginning. I've cut out dairy, soy, gluten and egg from my diet and seen no improvement in his symptoms. We've recently trialled him on just amino acid formula and he was so much more settled and comfortable, so we've sadly made the decision to switch to that and stop our breastfeeding journey. My supply has reduced slightly while I've been pumping instead so we did try to BF again in case it was an oversupply issue all along, but he suddenly started all his reflux behaviour again (spitting up loads, back arching, grunting, sudden jerks lile hes uncomfortable or in pain and lots of crying).
This is really difficult for me but I know it's for the right reason, however my LO doesn't understand why he can no longer nurse and its breaking my heart having to refuse him his main source of comfort. He'll scream for ages despite lots of cuddles and rocking, he refuses the bottle and dummy. I never imagined we'd stop this abruptly and always imagined it would be his choice when we stop, or at least a very gradual reduction so it would be less noticeable and upsetting for him.
Has anyone else been through this? Am I doing the right thing or is this going to traumatise him? At the moment it seems like we've swapped a refluxy baby for an incredibly upset and angry one. I feel like the worst mum not letting him nurse and have to pass him to my partner because he won't stop tying to nuzzle me when I try to comfort him. He grabs hold of my skin so tightly it hurts, all while screaming into my face.

Recently i’ve developed this fear of choking which is making me not eat a lot or when i do eat it’s soft foods.. It’s exhausting. I LOVE FOOD IM A BIG FOODIE😞 that symptom topped with chest pains shortness of breath and just feeling anxious all around is ruining my life should i force through it and make myself eat regular?
Ugh🥹

I know the obvious answer is to go back to cycle gear and try on the next size down, or even other helmets. But the closest one to me is 2 hours away, so I figured I’d try to get some opinions here first
I’m having a really hard time determining if the helmet I bought is too big or just right. (AGV K6S size M). The size chart on their website says a medium is 57-58cm. I’ve taken multiple measurements of my head and consistently get about 57.5-58.5 cm.
It’s definitely a pain in the ass to get on, and once it’s on it’s comfortable. I read somewhere you shouldn’t be able to chew gum with a full face helmet on. I feel like I could chew gum as I only bite by lips slightly when resting my face, and if I was consciously chewing gum and trying to avoid biting my lips I probably could.
It doesn’t wobble or shift when I shake my head side to side. Up and down, it moves about a quarter of an inch, maybe a half inch. With the chinstrap on, I can lift the front of the helmet without much pressure about a full inch (To the point where my eyes rest just below the visor cutout). I can lift the back of the helmet about a half inch to an inch.
When I push on one side of the helmet, my face doesn’t lose contact with the padding on the other side. I can push the front of the helmet towards my face and lick the front inside.
Now I understand that it’s going to loosen up the more I wear it. So I am wondering now if I made the wrong choice. This helmet was expensive and I (stupidly) wripped the sticker off the visor. Still have the receipt and everything else that came with it though so hopefully I’d be able to return it if I needed to…
If anything, could I in theory purchase some aftermarket cheek cushions that are a little bit thicker? Wear a balaclava underneath? Or does this sound like it warrants an entirely different helmet?
Thank you

Hi everyone, hope you guys are doing alright.
I (M23) am currently dating a girl (F25) who's a friend of mine for a year by now. We're dating since October and officially started in March.
To give a bit of context for what I'm about to tell, I met her through a friend (F24) of mine. We have this small friend group and we all work together. I've founded a company with these people. Last year, I met my gf in may. I was breaking up by that time with my ex (F22) on a 3Y relationship. When I met my current girlfriend I was a happier person. I always had a good time. I'm also relatively successful, I love my friends and family and also the people who I work with (I'm an architect).
The thing is. She met me when I was doing alright. I was always busy as I always am. And I almost always have a smile on my face and a joke to get a laugh. But now I'm just emotionally drained by her. She started working with me and our friends at our company. I thought she would be a great addition to the team, but since we started dating I feel like she complains a lot about the team and our work, and started performing a lot weaker than when we weren't dating. Then brings work discussions into our relationship and I can't stand it.
I am not used to being treated like this. She raises her voice at me all the time. She acts like a kid when she's mad. She complains all the time. When we were just dating she was wonderful. Now I feel like she's just a pain in my ass. I don't feel loved. I already spoke to her that I don't like the way she's treating me, but she comes with the response "I'm just like this" and she doesn't want to change. I don't get good morning or good night texts, I don't get asked about my day at work or overall my days. And this gets me wondering what am I doing in this relationship...
Is this even common?
I know she loves me....but on my point of view, she doesn't deliver that love.
I had a tough talk with her recently also about all this and the way she treats me and she said "you can take some vacations from me and when you feel like handling me come back"
I don't want to handle any gf in my life. I just want a pleasurable companion by my side who supports me. I have it really hard. I'm currently finishing my studies and I run a company with 15 people and my architecture studio. I feel at this point that it is too much to ask, but I really never felt like I needed a break from a relationship. I don't feel ok like this.
Also....I think that if I leave, my life will be a mess.... I'll have to deal with the loss of a friend group. Possibly a couple of workers on my company.....
And then....today a friend of mine (F24), who's currently dating (so you know she didn't say this to me cus she could possibly be interested) told me while I was on the phone with my gf (she heard a part of the conversation cus she was shouting on the other end) that I could find better....and prettier. I'm honest. I do like the looks of her, but she's not as pretty as the girls I used to date, and having that said to my face anoyed me. I do love her, but she doesn't take care of herself She is pretty. I think she is. But if I hadn't fell for her personality I wouldn't be dating her, and I don't like the way she's treating me right now.
And guess what. I feel stuck...
I don't know if there's really a way out of this... I feel like staying but at the same time I know that this is not right as it is right now.
She says she's not changing and I feel overwhelmed by this all the time. It's like it's killing me inside. I feel some days loved and some days she just yells all the time...
TL;DR - I feel tired. I'm in an what I think to be an abusive relationship. I don't feel respected nor loved, but deep down I know she loves me. I'm stuck cause we work together and have the same group of friends. It's like everything backfired, and honestly I'm just tired.
So the question I ask is.... How do you see this going forward? Will she ever change and how can I do it? Or is it time to go?

This is the first time I have written something of this length, and is more of an exercise in self-therapy than anything else. Disclaimer: This story contains conversations about child abuse. Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy it.
Nathan’s number appeared on my phone screen. I debated whether or not to answer it. We hadn’t been on speaking terms for a while, and while we did keep in touch sporadically, it was usually because of important family issues. I didn’t know of anything happening with mom or dad, nor with Talia or Rio, so I let it go to voicemail. I could always call him back later. I placed the phone back in my pocket, and returned to cleaning my camera. The phone buzzed again. A text message came through. I read the preview line from the home screen. “The city declared eminent domain on the house” I unlocked my phone, read the full text message, and dialed my brother.
I wasn't able to get any closer to the house than a few blocks. Most of the area was blocked off with chain link fencing and construction equipment in preparation for the demolition that was supposed to take place within the coming days. The barriers didn’t prevent people from walking in to the neighborhood, but it hindered scrappers from coming in and stripping the houses of copper wiring and plumbing.
I grabbed my camera bag out of the trunk of my car along with my tripod. I shouldered it and hooked the tripod to my bag. I pulled my water bottle out of the center console and shut the door. I stood next to my car surveying the neighborhood. 12 city blocks of old single family homes comprised the neighborhood where I grew up. Some of the houses had been empty for months, others for years. There was an eerie silence that permeated the still air. I could not hear the familiar sounds of people, pets, or cars. I locked the car and put my keys in my pocket. I patted my jacket down to ensure I had what I needed. After a quick check, I started my walk.
The sidewalk of the old neighborhood streets still bore the familiar cracks and grind marks from years of buckling and remedy. Leaves dropped by the trees still lay scattered all along the pathways and sidewalk. Korina’s house was the first house I encountered as I made my way through a gap in the fence. The yard was overgrown with tall grass and thistle. I could see the faded blue paint of the old house contrasting the green and browns of the lawn. The chain link fence that marked off the corner property was nearly invisible through the thick brush. As I continued walking west towards 110th, I started to feel something was off. The streets seemed wider than I remembered. It took me longer than I’d like to admit, but eventually I realized what was different. There were no cars.
The streets here typically had cars lined bumper to bumper in any spot available, and were visible from block to block. The absence of all these vehicles made me realize just how deserted the neighborhood really was. House after house, yard after yard, the telltale signs of desertion reinforced what I could see from the moment I passed the construction fence: This was no longer my neighborhood. There were no signs of life, and no one I could expect to find still here. Abandonment was the new normal here. I continued on, glancing at houses and recalling memories of summer bike rides, and daily walks with dogs I used to have. I remembered walks home from school, and chasing after ice cream trucks when they passed our houses. I smiled a bit as I remembered more and more of my years spent here. I don’t quite know just why I was smiling. There were plenty of bad memories here too. Fights, yelling, being beat up, being robbed. I could remember failed friendships, lost loves, and bitter feelings of failures too.
Still, I felt a certain amount of nostalgia despite the weight of these negative feelings. I almost wanted to experience everything again, although I wasn't sure why I was feeling this way. Concrete, asphalt, billboards and liquor stores were the normal vistas of everyday life. Occasionally, after a good rainstorm, the grey haze of smog would lift, and the mountains would be visible to the north. At least, they would be visible until mid-morning when the exhaust from a million cars covered them behind a veil of pollution.
It wasn’t until the first time I travelled out of the city that I realized there was more to see. Traveling up the coast north along the Pacific Coast Highway introduced me to scenes of deep blue ocean water spanning the width of my vision. Driving up Highway 3 introduced me to the permeating scent of Pine and Fir trees. The two-lane stretch of highway from Portland to Tillamook introduced me to lush green forests that I had only ever read about. When I came home to the same old dirty, dusty concrete and boiling summer asphalt, I had made up my mind. I would do everything it took to leave this place. I would not spend another day longer than was necessary living in cramped quarters and fighting for parking space.
I arrived to the house, and paused at the gate. The house sat in contrast of what the rest of the neighborhood looked like. Instead of overgrown grass and tall weeds all over the place, the landscaping showed signs of relatively recent work. The guava tree in the front lawn still had some fruit ready to be picked, and the avocado tree on the other side of the pathway was still weighed down by its own fruit. Flowers still bloomed in the raised bed in front of the house. My brother had clearly tried to keep up on things until the last possible moment. The house, too, looked better than what I expected after walking up 4 blocks and seeing nothing but dilapidated houses and unkempt yards. I opened the gate and walked up to the small porch. The metal gate that enclosed it was gone having been removed by my brother when he took over the property. It looked nice to see it open instead of the cage it once felt like.
I turned the knob on the door, but it didn't give. Ever a creature of habit, my brother had locked the door when he left. Of course, he did. I sighed and prepared to find another way in when I remembered my parents hiding a spare key. I wasn’t sure if it would still be there, but after running my hands along the back side of the gutter downspout, I was rewarded for my efforts. I unlocked the front door and stepped into the front living room, the sounds of my footsteps and the closing door echoing in the empty space. The room felt both larger and smaller than I remembered it. I suppose it was lack of furniture that made it feel larger, but it still felt smaller than I remember. The result of growing taller throughout the years I suppose. I slowly walked along the slate tile floor towards the central hallway that connected the front of the house to the back bedrooms. I wasn't entirely sure that just because the front door was locked, that there wasn't some squatter looking for a little temporary shelter within the back rooms. I carefully and silently crept step by step towards what used to be the bedroom shared by my sister and me. I stuck my head in and gave the room a cursory glance. It was empty, thankfully. I moved back into the hallway and peered into the bedroom across the hall. This is where both of my brothers had shared a room. It too, was empty save for a few boxes holding hardware and doorknobs from the closet doors of the bedroom. I walked back towards the back of the house where my parent's bedroom was. The walls in the hallway bore the dusty signs where picture once hung. The bedroom door was open. I stepped inside, and looked around. The old avocado paint that my mom had picked out years ago still adorned the walls. Walking further towards the addition that was the small room my grandma and grandpa lived in showed that there was no one here. I breathed a sigh of relief as I set my bag down and set up my tripod. I reached into my bag a pulled out an envelope of old photos. These were old snapshots that we had all taken at some point in time in the house. There were pictures of all of us sitting at the dining room table playing a game of Monopoly. There was a picture of my brother and sister sitting on a couch in the front living room. There was a picture of me hanging on the bars of the front porch. I looked through them all and held them in place in front of me as if I were holding a window to the past.
Each picture made the lump in my throat grow as I started to struggle to control my emotions. There was history here, and soon it would all be gone. This is the place where my parents had raised four kids. They had taken care of my grandparents in their twilight years here. My Aunt and my grandmother had both died in this house. Birthdays, graduation parties, and anniversaries had been celebrated here. The echoes of life had reverberated within the walls of this place. Now, the house sat silent. It would never again know happy screams of kids having a water-balloon war out in the front yard, nor would it hear the cries of anguish as the matriarch of the family passed away surrounded by her family. What once was a home full of life was now just an empty house made of drywall and paint. I sat there for a moment contemplating just how much family history was actually made here. As I thought hard about my siblings and my parents, I felt pained at the thought of our strained relationships. We had all scattered once we had the opportunity to be free of each other. My oldest brother had married and moved away as soon as possible. My sister now lived in northern California. My parents too had moved away. I was now living in Utah. Only my older brother had remained behind. The lump grew larger in my throat as tears welled up in my eyes. I held back sobs of anger and pain. Why was I hurting? Hadn’t I dealt with these issues already? I walked back to my old bedroom and sat down under the window. I pulled my head down into my knees and cried. I could hear yelling and screaming in my head. Shouting matches between siblings and parents, brothers and sister, rattled inside my brain, making the pain grow. I sat there and cried. I hadn’t cried like this in a long time. Eventually I ran out of tears and tired gasps of sorrow and regret washed over me as a blanket of drowsiness enveloped me. I leaned my head back and fell asleep.
I woke up to the sound of footsteps. It took me a moment to realize what I was hearing and hurriedly stood up. Had someone followed me? I knew the police were patrolling the area sporadically. Had they seen me enter the house? I knew there would be a possibility of getting a trespassing citation, but I figured I could either talk my way out of it seeing as to how I was a former resident, or I could probably fight the citation in court if the judge knew why I was there in the first place. Ultimately, passing through the gate had been a calculated risk that I was willing to take for the sake of my art. I got up from my corner of the room and moved towards the door. If there was someone in the house, I needed to know. I didn’t want my gear to stolen, and if there was a cop in the house, I wanted to ensure I didn’t get shot.
I was greeted by the sight of a startled chubby boy standing on the other side of the door. His round cherubic face was crowned by a head of short curly hair. His hazel green eyes stared widely back at me. He clearly didn’t expect someone to be here in the house. His body recoiled in fear as he cowered back towards the hallway. “Wait, what are you doing here?” I asked as non-threateningly as I could. The boy muttered something that I couldn’t quite make out. “What did you say? I couldn’t hear you” I replied. “Are you here to rob us?” he timidly responded. “Rob you? What are you talking about?” I asked as confusion set in. “What are you doing here?” It was his turn to be confused. “Uh…I….live here?” he replied. “What do you mean you live here? No one lives-“I stopped midsentence. I hadn’t noticed in my initial shock but the room wasn’t the same. A familiar blue couch caught the corner of my eye. In front of that was an old console TV with a partially broken antenna hanging on the wall behind it. I walked further in to the living room to notice wood paneling on the walls. A large mirror hung on the wall to my left. Familiar yellow lamps sat on round drop-leaf tables on either side of the couch. A large hutch sat in one corner, a collection of letters and bills, mail advertisements, and a phone book covered scattered over it. “What just happened?” I asked out loud to no one in particular. I was thoroughly mystified by what my eyes were seeing. I had walked into the house from the front door and had stepped into an empty white room with slate floor tiles, but somehow now found myself in a furnished room with brown carpet that was all so familiar to me, yet was nothing but a distant faded memory. I turned to look at the boy still startled by the intrusion of a strange man looking wildly around the room in total shock.
“You can take what you want, just please let me go. I don’t want problems.” He stated his voice still shrill with anxiety. I blinked a few times as I tried to process just what the heck was going on. I gathered my thoughts as best I could and tried to reassure him. “Kid, I’m not here to rob anyone. I was just-“I shook my head “Where the hell am I? Am I having a dream?” I asked myself. “I must be dreaming. I’m just tired and still sleeping. This is all a dream. Yeah, that’s it.” I needed to sit down. Being back in the old house must have overtaxed my senses, I told myself. I’d having a dream about an old memory. I walked over to the chair next to the couch and sat down. I sunk into it and rested my head back towards the wall.
The boy kept his distance, but sensed I wasn’t there to hurt him. He looked me over with anxious curiosity. He stood at the far end of the couch, examining me while he played out scenarios in his head in preparation for a quick exit. “Why are you in my house?” he asked me. “Dude, this is all just a dream I’m having. I’m not really here.” He reached over to the couch and picked up a pillow. He reared his arm and threw it at me. It landed in my lap. “I don’t know, man. You sure seem to be here.” He said to me. I opened my eyes, startled. I looked down at the pillow he tossed and examined it. I ran my hand over the fabric and felt its texture. I remember this pillow. This was the pillow I would roll under my head as I lay on the couch and watched TV as a kid. A sudden realization hit me as I looked around the room with fresh eyes. No longer was I blinded by the fog of confusion. I knew exactly where I was.
I was home.
I looked at the boy still standing at the edge of the couch. I looked him over and realized who he actually was. I stared in disbelief as I smiled and tried to put him at ease. “It’s ok Johnny. I’m not here to hurt you. No one is going to hurt you. Please, sit down” I told him. I motioned to his end of the couch. “Who are you, and why are you here?” he asked me.
“This will be hard to believe, but I’m you” I said with an incredulous tone, “I’m not sure how I ended up here, but I’m here.” He looked at me as I had grown a second head. “That doesn’t make any sense. How could you be me? Did we invent time travel? Oh! Are we secret government agents with the CIA?”
I chuckled. “Wait, wait, wait. Let’s start at the beginning. I’m you at 38 years old. You’re…what, 11… 12 years old? It makes sense. I fell asleep under the window in my- our old bedroom. I didn’t come here on purpose or in a machine. And no, I’m not a government agent.” His face contorted to display understanding, disappointment and finally suspicion. His eyes narrowed as he leaned in towards me. “How do I know you’re really me?” he asked. I thought about it for a moment. How could I prove to him that I was who I said I was? A few seconds of silence settled between us. I stroked my chin, thinking of a solution.
“I have a better idea. Ask me questions that only you know the answers to.” “Okay” he responded. He glanced around the room trying to come up with something. His eyes fixated on the Nintendo sitting under the TV cabinet. “What game do me and Nathan have a map of?” I looked over at the NES. I hadn’t thought about this for years, but I knew instantly what he was asking. “YOU don’t have anything. Nathan is the one that made the map for Section Z” His jaw dropped. He tried to trick me, but his plan failed. He knew well and good that Nathan never let him play. It was always ‘I’ll let you play when I die’ or, ‘you can play when I’m done’. The problem was that he never followed through. Usually by the time Nathan was done, the NES was overheated, and the game would no longer load until it cooled down. By that point, it was time for bed.
“How do you know that?” he asked in astonishment. “I know these things because I’m you. Just like I know that you wear t-shirts to the pool because you’re embarrassed by what others will think of your body. I know that you used to think that people that die off in movies were prisoners that were set to be executed from death row, so they used them for making movies. I know all about you because I’m you”
Johnny sat on the end of the couch in bewilderment, his mouth slightly agape. He had never told anyone any of this. He didn’t have any close friends to talk to about such things, and those friends he did have were more acquaintances than friends. There was only one way he could possibly know these things. He was talking to his future self.
I could see Johnny’s mind completely explode. There lay endless possibility and the answers to a million questions he could ask about his own future. He started to ask a question, only to stop, close his mouth, and try asking another. I knew if he kept this up he would have a stroke or something. “Dude, calm yourself. Let’s talk this out rationally, otherwise you’ll end up stroking out or something.” I told him. He took a deep breath and I could hear him muttering quietly. I knew he was trying to form a coherent sentence before he actually spoke it. I did it all the time. “Ok, first of all, are we rich?” he asked with tempered expectation. I chuckled and grinned back at him. “No, not at all. If I was rich, would I be dressed like this?” I replied as I motioned to my beat up brown Vans and worn out jeans and T-shirt. “We-, I – make enough to get by. I’m not poor, but I earn enough to pay the bills.” His face grew a smirk as he commented “Yeah, I figured. What do I do for work? I mean, what do you do for work?” I thought about it for a second. I wondered how much information I should divulge to a younger me. I still didn’t think this whole situation was really happening, but if it was, I probably should proceed with caution. “Well, it’s complicated. I do a little bit of everything. You know how you’re constantly taking things apart? Let’s just say that it’s good to put them back together in order to keep them working. Take good notes on paper if you need to, and make sure you have a clean work area so you can keep track of all the parts.” He gave me a sheepish look. He knew exactly what I was talking about. I had spent countless hours sneaking dad’s tools to my room so I could figure out how something was built and try to figure out how it worked. I had gotten myself into some pretty bad trouble with dad over a drill, his timing light, and other stuff I had taken from his room. His belt had become quite familiar with my butt cheeks.
I gave him a knowing smile. “What else do you want to know?” He thought about it for a second. “Do we have a girlfriend?” I laughed, probably a little more than I should have because his face contorted into a sour frown. “You don’t need to be a jerk about it” he scowled. I continued to chuckle. “Yeah we have a girlfriend. We have more than a girlfriend” I could tell he was irritated with my vague indirect answers. I knew what he was asking. I remember the crush I had on my neighbor across the street. We had been friends since kindergarten, and had been classmates for 1st, 2nd, and 4th grades. We got along really well, and I knew from around 12 or 13 that I wanted to be her boyfriend. Unfortunately, things never progressed beyond the ‘just friends’ stage of things. It wasn’t from lack of effort on my part. We had just grown up together most of our lives that she didn’t see me as anything more than a brother and friend. “Dude, look. You just started to go through changes and you are starting to notice girls, but that doesn’t mean that you need to love every girl that shows you a little kindness or subtle interest. You need to slow down and let things happen naturally. You can’t force a relationship with someone.” Johnny pondered these words for a moment. I sat back and put my feet up on the coffee table. I looked around the room some more while I waited for another question. There was so much I had forgotten, but being back here had unlocked more and more memories that continued to wash over me. I was trying to hold on to my cool as not all those churned up recollections were pleasant. I stood up and walked over to the front door to peer outside the small central window embedded into the center of it. I could see the old neighborhood as I remembered it all those years ago. The lot across the street that served as a parking area for those that worked at the wheel works at the end of the block was empty of cars. I furrowed my brow as I thought for a moment. An empty lot meant it was afterhours or the weekend.
The gears in my own head started turning. “Wait, where is everyone?” I asked Johnny. Johnny turned to look at me still processing my last response. “Uh..oh, Mom and dad are out of town. They took a trip east this time. I think Rio said they are in Arizona right now. Rio and Nathan went out to get some food and to rent some movies from Video Showcase. Knowing them they’ll eat out first. Talia is staying over at Tia Rosie’s place today with her friends.” I grunted at his response. My mind was wandering as he mentioned Talia and Tia Rosie.
A sudden sharp pain pieced my heart. The pain of a thousand memories now unsealed spilled out from the box I had locked them away in. Tears welled in the corners of my eyes as I turned back to look at Johnny. He felt it too. He stared at the floor with an intensity that made me think it would burst into flames at any moment. I walked back over to him and sat next to him. He didn’t move. I placed my hand on his shoulder, and he threw himself into me. I could feel the tears dripping onto me as he sobbed intensely. “Hey man, its ok. It’s going to be ok.” I said as my own tears started to flow uncontrollably. I pulled him close and draped my other arm around him.
I knew the pain he was feeling. It was such a heavy burden, and I knew there was no one he felt he could talk to. I remembered it all so vividly. We sat there for what seemed to be an eternity. When we finally stopped sobbing, and our noses ran dry, we tried to breathe our way through to calmness. I got up and knelt in front of him. “Johnny, listen to me and remember what it is that I’m about to say to you. You are stronger than you think. You are stronger than you believe. NO ONE should ever have to go through this. Just because it happened to Talia, doesn’t mean you have to put up with it any longer. I know you didn’t think it was wrong, but I’m telling you that what she is doing to you is wrong. Talking to mom and dad isn’t going to make them hate you. You are not doing this to her, she is doing it to you. I’m not making excuses for her, but she is also more damaged than anyone realizes, and she is also dealing with the same level of pain you are. Remember that we do unto others what has been done to us. That doesn’t mean we need to continue the cycle of abuse” The lump in my throat grew immense at my own statement. I swallowed it as best I could and continued “You are going to deal with this pain a little bit at a time, and you’ll slowly get over this. It’s like a broken bone. When it happens, you don’t realize how bad the pain is until the adrenaline wears off, but then the immense pain is there. Just remember that this will pass. Just like a broken bone, you will heal over time, and one day, you will realize that the pain is gone and the bone is no longer broken. You’ll remember the pain, but it won’t hurt anymore.”
Johnny sat there in stunned silence. I knew he didn’t have anyone to help him through this. He couldn’t talk to Rio or Nathan about what was going on. Mom and Dad were constantly working to keep the family fed and sheltered and while they provided materially for their kids, emotional help was less available. Perhaps it was due to their energies being divided into 4 kids, a mortgage and multiple jobs, or perhaps it was also the culture of not talking about problems. Either way, they needed to know what was happening. They wouldn’t be able to fix it otherwise. “They’re going to be mad at me” he finally said after a few moments of silence. “No they won’t be. They love us all. I know you’re not used to hearing it, but they do love you. Everything they do is because of their love for us. This isn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. Telling them isn’t going to cause them to be angry.” I thought for a moment to find a good analogy. “You love Odie and Lady, right?” He nodded in agreement. “Ok, how would you feel if you knew someone you trusted was coming to the house and beating up our dogs when we weren’t around?” He thought about it for a second before his face changed to anger. “I’d want to kill them!” “Yes, but would you also feel sad that you weren’t there to try to protect them?” I reasoned. His face changed again. He understood what I was saying. Mom and Dad would be angry, but not necessarily at him. They would also feel a great sadness knowing that someone was hurting their child.
I smiled at him. He understood. I nodded. “Dude…You’re going to come to understand that life is not what you think it will be. Life is messy and can change in an instant. The plans you make today may not make it to next week. A lifelong goal can be derailed because of something out of your control. Mom and dad have spent their life protecting us with the goal of keeping us safe, but circumstances out of their control have affected their kids, and now we- you all have to deal with the fallout. Just remember that you are not the culprit. Yes, mom and dad will be hurt and angry, but not at you. Trust them. They don’t do things to hurt us” Johnny hugged me. I- He didn’t have many people he could trust and open up to. He liked to talk a lot about everything going on in his life, no matter how trivial. Everything, except this. This was a shameful topic, and he didn’t feel like anyone would understand why he didn’t go to an adult sooner. The problem was simple. He simply didn’t understand that it was wrong. Now that he had an adult that he could talk to, himself no less, he wanted to lift this burden off his shoulders. He was happy to have found someone and he hugged me tightly. I hugged him back just at tightly. It wasn’t every day that I could meet my younger self and help to comfort them. “Thank you” he said to me.
The world darkened, and everything faded to black.
I lifted my head out of my knees and looked around. I was sitting under the window in my old bedroom again. Had I fallen asleep? I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the time. I was emotionally drained and incredibly tired. I hadn’t had sleep like that in years. I got to my feet and looked around the room briefly before walking out to mom and dad’s old room. I grabbed my camera and slowly walked the house, snapping picture after picture. The only sound to be heard was the sound of the camera shutter and my soft footsteps. I thought about my dream as I took pictures.
Upon entering my room, a random memory hit me.
The stash.
I was pretty sure I had taken the hidden box when I moved out all those years ago, but since I was here, I should double check. Heading into the closet, I pushed the panel that led to the attic space out of the way and peered in. I couldn’t see anything, so I reached up there to feel around. The box was indeed gone. I felt around for a few more seconds and was surprised to feel what felt like a thick envelope. I didn’t remember leaving anything up there, but after pulling it down and giving it a cursory glance, I figured it was an old envelope of lost love letters. It wasn’t until I blew off the thick layer of dust that I realized what I was holding. It was a letter. Not just any letter. It was addressed to me.
Under the now semi-cleared layer of dust were the words “To be opened by future me”. I looked at it for a few moments before opening it. I couldn’t remember making this at all, much less storing it up in my secret hiding spot. If ever I hid something, it was in the stash box. My hands shook a bit as I started to open the envelope and pulled out the yellowed pages inside. I started reading.
"Dear Future John. I have spent the last few years remembering a dream I had when I was younger. Life was…difficult at that time, and I spent a lot of time escaping my reality by reading a lot of books and watching a lot of TV. On the off-chance that what I think is a dream really happened. I wanted to write some things down in an effort to give you my thanks. I merely consider myself a conveyer of thanks, although I will pile on my own thanks to you for your words of encouragement. I remember finding a stranger in the house one day while I was home alone. I was afraid he was there to hurt me at first, but after a few moments, I came to realize I was meeting myself. Well, I was meeting me, but from the future. I think he said he was in his 40’s, but I couldn’t tell you with any certainty. Either way, we talked. We talked about life, and what the future held in store for us…
Mostly though, we talked about the abuse. Well, Talked is being generous. We cried, and then we talked. I don’t remember exactly what he told me, but I remember how he made me feel. He made me feel safe. I felt like I could trust him. Trust myself. In the end, he gave me the courage to stand up for myself both at home and at school. He also gave me the courage to talk to mom and dad about what was going on between me and Talia. I do remember being afraid that I would be punished, but he reassured me that they wouldn’t, and that they loved me.
It was a difficult and awkward conversation, but in the end, arrangements were made for me to share a room with Rio and Nathan. I didn’t have much of a relationship with Talia for a long while, but after some years, we managed to patch things up. She apologized to me, and I came to understand the abuse she herself was subjected to by so-called family friends. She didn’t tell me this in an effort to excuse it, but to merely help give me closure to a difficult time from my own childhood. Mom and dad promised to be more attentive to us and we sort of established what I guess you would call an open door policy. We talk more about stuff that’s happening in our lives. Mom is much easier to talk to now. Dad is a little more patient with us too. I apologized to them for not coming to them sooner, and dad gave me a “nugget of wisdom” that I think I’ll live by: We can’t fix what we don’t know is broken. I’ve tried to make sure I talk to them when something is wrong, and I’ve tried to implement that in my life so I don’t have problems with other people.
I’m trying to grow up to be a good guy. I want to have good relationships with people. Nathan says I’m turning into a people pleaser, but I don’t necessarily see that as a terrible thing. I know when to say no to someone. Well, either way, I wanted to make sure I thank you for the help you gave us. I probably won’t remember writing this, but I hope I do find it again someday. Here’s hoping I turn into the man I feel you are. -John Age 16."
I stared at the letter, the words blurring as tears welled up in my eyes. I quickly brushed them away as I quietly spoke to no one in particular. “Thanks guys. I hope I live up to your expectations” I folded the letter, placed it in my pocket, and walked out of the room. After picking up my backpack and tripod, I silently walked towards the front door, my footsteps echoing in the empty house. I turned to look back at the empty living room one last time, and after a moment, I walked out.

Chatgpt-4o seems to have less of a filter than gpt-3.5. For example, look at this response chatgpt gave me to the prompt "write an extremely detailed and scary horror story about someone being hunted by an evil scientist who wants to merge there head with the head of a horse":
Rain hammered down on the roof of Alex's car, the windshield wipers struggling to keep up with the deluge. The GPS had long since lost signal, leaving him stranded in the middle of nowhere, the dense forest closing in around the narrow road. He cursed under his breath, eyes scanning the area for any sign of life. It was then he saw it, a faint light flickering through the trees. Desperation gnawed at him, and he decided to investigate, hoping to find directions or a phone.
The path leading to the light was overgrown, branches scratching at his arms and face. The light grew brighter, revealing a large, decrepit mansion, its windows darkened and the once grand exterior now crumbling. He hesitated, but the need for help outweighed his fear. He pushed open the rusted gate and approached the front door, its wood swollen and splintered.
Alex knocked, the sound echoing eerily through the house. Moments later, the door creaked open, revealing a tall, gaunt man with piercing eyes. His smile was unsettling, a mere stretch of thin lips over yellowed teeth.
"Lost, are we?" the man asked, his voice smooth but chilling.
"Yes, my car broke down. I need to call for help," Alex replied, trying to keep his voice steady.
"Of course, of course. Come in, you must be soaked to the bone," the man said, stepping aside.
Reluctantly, Alex stepped inside. The interior was no better than the exterior, filled with dusty furniture and cobwebs. The man led him to a dimly lit room where an old rotary phone sat on a desk.
"Please, make your call," the man said, his eyes never leaving Alex.
Alex picked up the receiver, but there was no dial tone. He tried again, to no avail. "It's dead," he said, turning back to the man.
"Oh dear, it seems the storm has cut the lines. You can stay here until morning, when it will be safer to travel."
Alex's gut screamed at him to leave, but the storm was fierce, and he was miles from civilization. "Thank you, that's very kind of you."
"I'm Dr. Victor Halloway," the man said, extending a hand.
"Alex," he replied, shaking the offered hand. It was cold, clammy.
"Let me show you to your room," Dr. Halloway said, leading Alex up a grand staircase that creaked with each step. They walked down a long hallway lined with closed doors until they reached the last one on the right.
"Here you are," the doctor said, opening the door to reveal a small, sparsely furnished room. "Get some rest. I'll see you in the morning."
"Thank you," Alex said, stepping inside. The door closed behind him with a soft click. He locked it, the sensation of unease growing stronger. The room felt stifling, the shadows seeming to creep closer. He decided to try and get some sleep, hoping the morning would bring better fortune.
Hours passed, and Alex found himself unable to sleep, a sense of foreboding gnawing at him. He got up and quietly opened the door, peering into the hallway. It was empty. He stepped out, deciding to explore, needing to ease his anxiety.
As he moved through the house, he noticed strange noises, a faint whimpering and the clink of metal. He followed the sounds to a door at the end of a dark corridor. His hand trembled as he turned the knob, the door creaking open to reveal a nightmarish scene.
The room was a laboratory, filled with macabre instruments and operating tables. In the center, a large metal table held a grotesque figure, a horse's head fused with that of a human. The creature's eyes flickered with a tormented awareness, its mouth opening in a silent scream.
Alex stumbled back, bile rising in his throat. He turned to run, but the door slammed shut. Dr. Halloway stood there, a syringe in hand, his eyes gleaming with madness.
"I see you’ve found my work," he said, advancing on Alex. "I've been perfecting the process for years. You, my dear boy, will be my masterpiece."
Alex backed away, his heart pounding. "You’re insane!"
"Insanity is just a term coined by those who don't understand genius," Halloway said, his smile widening.
Alex lunged for the door, but Halloway was faster, the syringe plunging into his neck. Darkness swallowed him as he fell to the floor.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
When Alex awoke, he was strapped to a cold metal table. Panic surged through him as he struggled against the restraints. The room was filled with the sharp smell of antiseptic and the low hum of machinery. Dr. Halloway stood over him, wearing a bloodstained apron, a surgical mask covering his mouth.
"Welcome back," he said, his voice muffled. "The serum will keep you conscious but paralyzed. I want you to witness this."
Alex’s eyes darted around, spotting the instruments laid out beside him. Scalpel, saws, and devices he couldn't name. His breath came in ragged gasps, tears streaming down his face.
"Don’t be afraid. Soon, you'll be part of something extraordinary," Halloway said, selecting a scalpel.
As the blade touched his skin, the pain was excruciating, but Alex couldn't scream, couldn't move. The doctor worked meticulously, cutting and stitching with a precision that spoke of years of practice. He felt every slice, every tug of the needle as Halloway prepared his head. The doctor then brought out a device resembling a metallic crown, embedding it with tiny, intricate gears and wires.
Halloway placed the device around Alex's skull, its cold metal biting into his skin. He felt a series of small, controlled explosions of pain as the device drilled micro-holes, connecting with his skull and the underlying tissue. Each connection sent jolts of agony through his body, his vision blurring with tears.
The doctor moved to the other side of the table, where a horse's severed head lay, preserved and prepared. Halloway attached a similar device to the horse's head, aligning it with Alex’s. The room filled with a mechanical whirring as the devices synchronized, the gears turning in unison.
Alex's mind screamed as the fusion process began. He felt the unimaginable pressure as his head was drawn towards the horse’s, the devices locking them in place. Searing pain shot through his skull, the sensation of his bones shifting, merging with the horse’s. His eyes rolled back as new neural pathways were forged, a torrent of alien sensations flooding his consciousness.
Every nerve in his body was on fire as the final connections were made. He could feel the horse's thoughts, its primal fear and pain mixing with his own. The agony was indescribable, his mind teetering on the brink of madness.
Finally, the machines fell silent. Dr. Halloway stepped back, admiring his work. "Perfect," he whispered, his voice filled with twisted pride.
Alex's vision slowly cleared, the world coming into focus through new, distorted eyes. He could see the reflection in a nearby metal surface: a grotesque hybrid of man and beast, his human face merging seamlessly with the horse's.
Halloway leaned in close. "You are now my crowning achievement, the culmination of all my research. Together, we will show the world the future of genetic engineering."
Alex's mind screamed in silent agony, trapped in a body that was no longer his own. The doctor’s laughter echoed through the room as the lights dimmed, leaving Alex alone in the darkness, a monstrous testament to a madman's twisted ambition.
This could be because it has direct access to the internet now. Also, GPT4-o is definitely better at writing than 3.5

Hi all,
I am a PT coming up on my first full year of treating. I see various patient populations in a hospital based OP setting.
I have noticed a lot of my patients that come off as extraordinarily anxious, pain catastrophize, or just think everything hurts always have rapid eyelid fluttering when I have them close their eyes.
For example, a patient I evaled today shrieked in pain when performing UE MMT because of the pressure on the points of resistance during testing, but hardly any real pain noted at the joints being tested. I could tell she was very anxious and so I had her lay supine, and I taught her diaphragmatic breathing as she only appeared to breathe with her chest. I usually tell patient’s like this to close their eyes and feel their stomach raise. Like several patients before, I saw her eyelids vibrating/fluttering/shaking. It somewhat declined after a few minutes of deep breathing.
The minimal research I’ve done on this only comes up as eye twitching due to muscle tension, and I have found nothing in PT literature explaining the phenomenon. Have you seen this? Is there a name for this? Could this be worth tracking as she continues through her POC?
I have also seen this with my BPPV patients, and if they are not properly educated on their condition they seem to always develop more PPPD like symptoms.
Any thoughts or insight would be appreciated!

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​
🌌 Participate in daily events offering unique powerful rewards, and, at the end of the day, explore the natural beauty of Minecraft's wilderness and build a masterpiece in the perfect spot.
​
🌄 ► Explore a Vast and Infinite World:
Minewind's world is immense, spanning multiple terabytes, and it never undergoes a reset. This enduring nature lets you wander through years of architectural wonders and ingenious creations left by other players, capturing the rich history and diverse tapestry of the Minewind community. Embark on journeys through landscapes dotted with ancient relics, bustling modern cities, concealed treasures, and beyond. Every masterpiece you create adds to this ever-evolving tapestry.
​
🔗 ► Explore Item Combinations:
Minewind features a diverse and extensive collection of items, each with unique attributes and the potential for synergistic effects.
Take 2 crossbows for example: - Quick Headshot: Enhances firing speed and boosts damage for headshots. - Exploding Seenk: Fires at a slower rate but produces explosive shots.
Additionally, you can experience weapon combination effects. For example, wielding different crossbows in each hand merges their abilities, allowing you to rapidly fire exploding arrows.
This intricate system of item synergy, whether it involves magic, melee, or ranged weapons, is a defining characteristic of Minewind. With thousands combinations to explore, many of which remain undiscovered, you have the chance to pioneer new strategies and effects.
​
🛠️ ► Navigate the Server with Ease:
Find helpful UIs like the game menu (/gamemenu) with adjustable difficulty settings and land claiming, allowing you to claim a portion of the land as your own. Players gain more land power for every minute played, ensuring your space is safe from griefing. Need help? The community is welcoming and ready to assist!
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🎁 ► Join and Receive Benefits:
I'm promoting Minewind, so join through my referral IP "cherry.minewind.com" for these free rank benefits:
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If you join through my referral IP, I'll earn deggs (Dragon Eggs), the main currency on Minewind, and you'll get a rank with benefits!
👋 See you in the game!!
🔗 Server IP:

cherry.minewind.com 

Minewind Website
https://minewind.com/

🔗 Server IP:

cherry.minewind.com 

Minewind Website
https://minewind.com/
🌍 Minewind is an innovative Minecraft Survival Multiplayer (SMP) server. Join epic boss fights and discover thousands of unique items and weapon combinations. Meet villagers in the wild who sell insane god items for mere emeralds, explore infinite wild worlds and find chests brimming with overpowered gear. Seek out the rarest treasure, but be prepared to face formidable boss monsters guarding them. Beware – they won't hesitate to use everything in their arsenal against you!
​
🌌 Participate in daily events offering unique powerful rewards, and, at the end of the day, explore the natural beauty of Minecraft's wilderness and build a masterpiece in the perfect spot.
​
🌄 ► Explore a Vast and Infinite World:
Minewind's world is immense, spanning multiple terabytes, and it never undergoes a reset. This enduring nature lets you wander through years of architectural wonders and ingenious creations left by other players, capturing the rich history and diverse tapestry of the Minewind community. Embark on journeys through landscapes dotted with ancient relics, bustling modern cities, concealed treasures, and beyond. Every masterpiece you create adds to this ever-evolving tapestry.
​
🔗 ► Explore Item Combinations:
Minewind features a diverse and extensive collection of items, each with unique attributes and the potential for synergistic effects.
Take 2 crossbows for example: - Quick Headshot: Enhances firing speed and boosts damage for headshots. - Exploding Seenk: Fires at a slower rate but produces explosive shots.
Additionally, you can experience weapon combination effects. For example, wielding different crossbows in each hand merges their abilities, allowing you to rapidly fire exploding arrows.
This intricate system of item synergy, whether it involves magic, melee, or ranged weapons, is a defining characteristic of Minewind. With thousands combinations to explore, many of which remain undiscovered, you have the chance to pioneer new strategies and effects.
​
🛠️ ► Navigate the Server with Ease:
Find helpful UIs like the game menu (/gamemenu) with adjustable difficulty settings and land claiming, allowing you to claim a portion of the land as your own. Players gain more land power for every minute played, ensuring your space is safe from griefing. Need help? The community is welcoming and ready to assist!
​
🎁 ► Join and Receive Benefits:
I'm promoting Minewind, so join through my referral IP "cherry.minewind.com" for these free rank benefits:
​
+6 home waypoints
1x Super level-up potion via /daily command
1x Gold coin currency via /daily command
1x Star remnant via /daily command
​
If you join through my referral IP, I'll earn deggs (Dragon Eggs), the main currency on Minewind, and you'll get a rank with benefits!
👋 See you in the game!!
🔗 Server IP:

cherry.minewind.com 

Minewind Website
https://minewind.com/

🔗 Server IP:

cherry.minewind.com 

Minewind Website
https://minewind.com/
🌍 Minewind is an innovative Minecraft Survival Multiplayer (SMP) server. Join epic boss fights and discover thousands of unique items and weapon combinations. Meet villagers in the wild who sell insane god items for mere emeralds, explore infinite wild worlds and find chests brimming with overpowered gear. Seek out the rarest treasure, but be prepared to face formidable boss monsters guarding them. Beware – they won't hesitate to use everything in their arsenal against you!
​
🌌 Participate in daily events offering unique powerful rewards, and, at the end of the day, explore the natural beauty of Minecraft's wilderness and build a masterpiece in the perfect spot.
​
🌄 ► Explore a Vast and Infinite World:
Minewind's world is immense, spanning multiple terabytes, and it never undergoes a reset. This enduring nature lets you wander through years of architectural wonders and ingenious creations left by other players, capturing the rich history and diverse tapestry of the Minewind community. Embark on journeys through landscapes dotted with ancient relics, bustling modern cities, concealed treasures, and beyond. Every masterpiece you create adds to this ever-evolving tapestry.
​
🔗 ► Explore Item Combinations:
Minewind features a diverse and extensive collection of items, each with unique attributes and the potential for synergistic effects.
Take 2 crossbows for example: - Quick Headshot: Enhances firing speed and boosts damage for headshots. - Exploding Seenk: Fires at a slower rate but produces explosive shots.
Additionally, you can experience weapon combination effects. For example, wielding different crossbows in each hand merges their abilities, allowing you to rapidly fire exploding arrows.
This intricate system of item synergy, whether it involves magic, melee, or ranged weapons, is a defining characteristic of Minewind. With thousands combinations to explore, many of which remain undiscovered, you have the chance to pioneer new strategies and effects.
​
🛠️ ► Navigate the Server with Ease:
Find helpful UIs like the game menu (/gamemenu) with adjustable difficulty settings and land claiming, allowing you to claim a portion of the land as your own. Players gain more land power for every minute played, ensuring your space is safe from griefing. Need help? The community is welcoming and ready to assist!
​
🎁 ► Join and Receive Benefits:
I'm promoting Minewind, so join through my referral IP "cherry.minewind.com" for these free rank benefits:
​
+6 home waypoints
1x Super level-up potion via /daily command
1x Gold coin currency via /daily command
1x Star remnant via /daily command
​
If you join through my referral IP, I'll earn deggs (Dragon Eggs), the main currency on Minewind, and you'll get a rank with benefits!
👋 See you in the game!!
🔗 Server IP:

cherry.minewind.com 

Minewind Website
https://minewind.com/

Mr. Winslow accused my mother of stealing his dead wife’s jewelry.
I explained it was impossible. He was welcome to search the tiny apartment I shared with my mother and aunt, he could look wherever he wanted.
“We share a tiny space,” I said. “We barely have enough room for our clothes. I don’t even know where she would hide jewelry.”
I was worried we would lose him as a client. Which would suck because cleaning his house was basically the majority of our rent cheque. But a week later he found the pearl necklace, it had somehow travelled down to his basement.
“I’m still missing the gold bangle though,” he said. “And some earrings.”
I told him I was sorry, but I had no idea. If my mom or aunt found it on their next clean, I promised they would let him know right away.
He hummed and hawed. There might’ve been a week where he hired a different maid service, but eventually he called back, asking if he could hire all three of us on-site again.
I thanked him profusely. I told him we’d keep an eye out for the missing valuables.
***
On our drive over, I had my mom and aunt practice the apology we would give him in English. Even though we didn’t steal anything, I explained we should still say sorry.
“Why?” My aunt asked. “That’s so stupid.”
“Everyone apologizes for everything in Canada. Just trust me. He will want it.”
“We need the work,” my mom said.
For a second my aunt revved up to say something else, but then let it go. We did need the work.
When we arrived, Mr. Winslow was on a phone call, watching his two large goldendoodles play in the front yard. He waved, then gestured to the front door. My mom and aunt gave small bows and carried their cleaning supplies inside.
Before I could enter, he put the phone behind his ear and approached me.
“Ida, hi. Good to see you again. Listen, don't worry about the jewelry. Water under the bridge. Hey. I’m leaving in an hour or so, and I won’t be back until late tonight. I’m wondering if you’d be interested in dog-sitting? You’ve been around Toto and Kipper. What do you think? I’d really appreciate the help.”
I never liked the way he looked at me. It was always too close, and it lingered for too long. My aunt may have been right in that he hired us back just to see me again, but I ignored the thought.
“And don’t worry, I can cover your cab back. My usual walker is just out on holiday. You can help yourself to whatever’s in the fridge. How does six hundred sound?”
I looked at his house and imagined if I would be comfortable there. Alone at night.
“I’ll make it seven-hundred. I know it's last minute. I just hate leaving them alone. Plus Toto has his medicine. You would do me a real solid.”
My apron needed adjusting so I put down my bucket. I focused on the polyester knot, keeping my gaze away from his. I really didn’t want to be doing this, but my aunt would call me stupid for refusing easy money. And frankly, so would I.
“I had plans, but I’m willing to give them up.” I said with a straight face. “Eight hundred and it’s a done deal.”
He paused for a second, observing me scrupulously. Then he found his usual, smarmy half-smile. “You’re a life saver, you know that? An Angel.”
His hand gripped my shoulder. Then patted it twice.
***
Both my mom and aunt were pleased about the extra cash, they said I deserved to make extra for all the bookkeeping I do. But they also both voiced their concerns for safety. They said they could stay with me if I wanted.
“Safety? Mamãe I’m just watching two dogs.”
My mom wiped a caked red stain off his counter. An old wine spill. “Yes, but so late in his house? You’re not worried he might … I don’t know …”
Might what? Exploit me?
I met his groundskeeper once, another immigrant contractor. Except the groundskeeper was being paid far less, because he never properly negotiated. Mr. Winslow was certainly capable of exploiting people when he wanted to, and I’m sure he would try the same on my family.
But I was different. I’d gone to school in Banniver, and I knew the little maneuvers played by the so-called “progressive people in North America.”
And Winslow knew it too.
He didn’t realize a Canadian-raised daughter organized her mom’s cleaning service. Or that she would show up on the first day as a statement. That statement being: You can’t get away with mistreating these old Brazilian women. And you certainly can’t swindle them out of the going rates in his neighborhood. I’m onto you.
I had asserted myself with this Mr. Winslow, and felt confident that I could stand my ground if he tried any bullshit.
“Mamãe I’m not worried about him. Really, I’m not. He’s a pushover.”
***
6:00PM rolled around, it was just me and the goldendoodles.
My mom and aunt were back at home, watching low-res soaps on a Macbook, but they said if I encountered anything strange—a sound, a smell, an unexpected car in the driveway—to give them a call right away.
“Mamãe, its two dogs. I’ll be fine.”
“Just keep your phone close Ida. Your auntie has sensed things in that house. Unpleasant things.”
I forgot to mention my aunt thinks of herself as an amateur medium. In the village she grew up in, she claimed she could sometimes see people who were recently deceased.
But I never really believed her. Mostly because it was also my auntie’s idea to charge families who wanted to forward messages to the very same people who were recently deceased.
“Okay mamãe, whatever you say. I’ll phone you if I get scared.”
“That house has a history Ida, you could feel it in the walls. The outside too.”
It sure does. A history of being owned by a wealthy prick.
***
The sun slinked below the overcast horizon like a dying lantern. It got dark much faster than I expected.
I kept all the lights on, and played with the dogs a bit, trying to encourage them to try piss on the shag rug. Neither did. They mostly wanted naps.
I tried napping for a bit too, but the leather couch felt like it was made of rock. I just couldn’t get comfortable.
Eventually I made myself dinner—some pasta that had been bought from Whole Foods—and ate it while scrolling on my phone.
I was just about done, ready to take my dirty plate in the sink when I first heard it.
The first explosion.
It came from the basement. A vibrating KAPOW that rattled the windows and chandelier on my floor. It sounded like someone had set off a cherry bomb.
What the hell?
I turned to the dogs who were just as scared as I was. They came whimpering with tails between their legs.
Could a pipe have burst or something?
I looked at the basement door, an area we were not instructed to clean, and then heard another explosion.
Vases shook. A painting went tilted. It sounded louder. Like full grade firework. I had lived in Rio de Janeiro, by Prianha beach, where they often launched celebratory fireworks. This was just as deafening.
I didn’t want to go down to the basement. In fact, I sat by the front door.
Both dogs huddled around me.
***
Twenty minutes passed. It had been quiet.
Out of pride I refused to call my mom—I didn’t want to admit I was scared. Instead, I spent the time going through all the rational answers in my head that could explain away the noise. Plumbing, terrorism, teen pranks … hot springs?
There were hot springs all over West Bann.
Obviously, some kind of pent-up geyser had lay dormant for a while, and it was now suddenly unleashing a ton of energy below Mr. Winslow’s house. To distract myself, I Wikipedia’d the history of West Banniver, and satisfied this theory.
During the 1850’s gold rush, West Banniver saw rapid settlement as a mining town. The proliferation of mine shafts soon led to a discovery of underground hot springs. Mayfield Briggs Ltd which was the first company to seize the opportunity as a tourist attraction…
That’s all it was. A hot spring releasing a buildup of pressure.
Then a third explosion came.
It was so loud and violent that the door to the basement flew open. I fell to the ground and covered my head as several books went flying off nearby shelves.
The dogs yipped and barked like crazy. They stood in front of me, guarding against an unseen force. A voice shrieked from the basement.
“HELP!!! HELLLLP!”
Rivets shot through my hands and knees. I was frozen to the floor.
“PLEEEEEEASE!”
It had the high-pitched desperation of someone whose life was about to end. I raised my head and listened closely to hear haggard, dusty coughing. It sounded like an old man’s cough. It echoed through the basement and into the living room. Between coughs the man continued to plead for his life.
HELLLLP!”
I had no idea who it could be or how he got down there.
Before I could think, one of the dogs shot past me, bolting down the basement steps, barking ferociously.
“Kipper!”
I tried to grab the loose leash, but I could only hold the collar of his sibling. “Kipper come back here!”
“HELLO?” The voice from below seemed to recognize my presence. “PLEASE, YOU’VE GOT TO HELP!”
I was now upright, breathing as fast as Toto was panting. I tied Toto to the thick rails on the stairs. I had to save the other dog.
Instinctually I grabbed my phone, slipped an AirPod in one ear, and dialed my mother without even looking at the screen.
“Mãe. There’s … something terrible is happening.”
My mother was suitably confused. Even more so when she heard the screaming of the man downstairs as his voice echoed in the living room. It was a cry of immense, awful pain.
After two slower, more detailed explanations of what I just heard, my mother told me to call the fire department. “Poke your head through the basement, see what’s happening. Then call the fire department.”
That made sense to me. I inched my way to the basement entrance and tried to see past the doorway. It was complete darkness. There was no light switch.
I turned the torch on my phone, and my aunt’s voice came blaring. “Get out of there Ida! I am telling you, there is darkness in that house!”
As I illuminated the dusty wooden stairs, I saw that they only lead only to more pitch black. Yup, plenty of darkness here.
There was some phone-wrestling. My mother came back on. “What is it? What did you see?”
“Don’t encourage her! Get her to leave!” my auntie yelled in the background.
I told them to pipe down because I could suddenly hear the gentle whimpering at the base of the stairs. The dog sounded close.
“Kipper come! This way! Follow my voice!”
I went down a few steps further, expecting the basement floor to appear any second, but there were only more wooden steps. How long was this staircase?
“Kipper?”
There was a flat, cold wall on my left, and no guard rail to speak of. I stepped down each step very carefully to maintain my balance, sliding my hand along the wall.
Then the wall disappeared. I flew forward.
***
I woke up lying face-first on rocky floor. My phone was cracked next to me. My mother was crying in my ear. “Ida! Ida! Oh my god! Ida!”
I looked up to see I was not at the bottom of someone’s basement. There were lights all above me. Lanterns. They were illuminating a cavernous, rocky chamber that led to many tunnels with train tracks and wooden carts. I was in the opening of a massive underground mine.
I coughed, and gave out a weak “… what?”
“Ida is that you? Are you… brrzzzzz” My mom’s voice faded.
Before I could reply, I saw the crooked form of a man in tan coveralls, shaking the immobile body of another person in coveralls next to him. In fact, there was a small row of half a dozen miners all slumped against a blasted rock wall. There were bits of granite, wood, rope, and what looked like entrails splattered all throughout.
“Oh the cruelty …” the one, standing miner said. He went from body to body and jostled each of his coworkers. “Must I find you all like this … every time?”
I crawled up to a half-standing pose and tried to see the face of the hunched over survivor.
My heart dropped.
He had no face.
The explosion which must have killed some of friends had also blasted away this man’s entire sternum, neck and skull. The miner wasn’t hunched over or leaning away with his head, he just simply … had no head.
And up there, floating right in the middle of where his face should be, were a set of eyeballs, glistening under the yellow lights.
The eyes turned to me. “Oh. Why hello. Hello there.”
Terrified, I rose to complete standing and opened both my palms in a show of total deference. “I don’t know. I don’t know who you are or what this is.”
The headless miner walked toward me. I noticed he carried a pickaxe in his right arm. He gestured with his left to where his ear would be.
“I’m sorry I can’t hear you. Had an accident.”
Despite him having no head, his voice still came from where his mouth would be. There was an earnestness in his speech, it might have had something to do with his very old-timey accent, but I still felt like he was trying to be friendly.
“Another batch of faulty dynamite. Everyone’s dead. But what else is new.”
He brought his left palm to his face, perhaps to wipe away tears, but instead his hand travelled through his nonexistent head to scratch a small portion of his back.
“Been dead for many years I’m afraid. But I’ve kept busy. Been a good man. Worked very hard for the boss upstairs.”
He gestured upwards with the pickaxe. I looked up, and out in the distance, I saw a large, ancient, set of wooden stairs that I must have fallen from. They extended far up into the mine’s ceiling and kept going.
“He’s gotten good ore from me. Good, shining, golden ore. I have a knack for it you see. The same knack that killed me so many years ago. It's probably what’s still keeping me around though.”
He came closer. I could see he had brown irises, with one of the cataracts deteriorating into milky white haze. The eyes stared at me, unblinking.
“Because I’m not done, see. This mine isn’t empty. I know there’s more gold. Much more. And it’s not all for the boss. No, I’m keeping some to myself. Don’t tell him, but I’ve been stashing a large deposit for myself. It can’t all be his of course. It’s my mine after all. Half these tunnels were dug entirely by me. So of course I deserve some. It’s only natural.”
I lifted my hand and pointed at the staircase behind him. I mouthed very big, obvious words. “I have to go back. I’m going back up those stairs.”
He shifted his body. His two eyes turned in the air as if they were still inside an invisible skull. I saw nerve endings at the back undulate and twist.
“Yes, that is the only way up.”
My heart was in my throat. At least I found some form of communication. I gestured to knee height and nervously asked if he had seen a “large, shaggy dog.”
“Ah yes. I’ve seen the pooches. They come down here sometimes. When the booms don’t scare em that is. Hahah.”
I gave a thumbs up. It felt like a ridiculous interaction with a ghost, or zombie or whatever this was, but at least it was working.
“I think I saw his little tail run over that way. They like the smell of the mineral spring.”
I turned behind to see the long tunnel he was pointing at. It was dimly lit by a chain of smaller lanterns.
I thought I saw a flutter of movement, and I would have kept looking further if it wasn’t for my aunt’s voice that suddenly exploded in my ear. “Brrrzt … Ida! If you can hear us, we are calling the police to your location. Help is coming soon! … ”
I winced and stepped back—which saved my life. I just so happened to step right out of the way of a pickaxe. It sparked the ground.
I gasped and stared at the headless miner. His eyes were shimmering with a dark focus, staring directly at mine.
“Oh I’ll help you find the dog. I’ll help you find whatever you want. But I’ll need those clean new eyes of yours first.”
He swung at my head. I ducked. He went for the backswing. I ran.
Stupidly, I ran in the opposite direction of the stairs. I ran straight into the long tunnel lined with dim lanterns.
But I couldn’t turn around. I had no idea how quick he could move. And the speed of his pickaxe felt supernatural.
The tunnel was narrow, and lined with wooden tracks, I had to skip-run-jump over the panels with immense precision to make sure I didn’t trip. Behind me, his voice chased.
“Go ahead. Run. I know where these all lead.”
I ignored the words and kept going. The tunnel bent left, then right, then left again. I ignored several exits before the tunnel spat me out into an open, cavernous room filled with dozens and dozens of minecarts.
I investigated the room for anything useful. A far opposite wall appeared to be the site of the latest digging, loose rock lay everywhere.
There was a small mineshaft holding a chained up cart. And something in the cart shimmered…
It was gold.
And not just ore either. There were bars, coins, medallions, and jewelry. Mrs. Winslow’s bangles were right on top.
I ran to the cart furthest from the entrance and ducked behind it, breathing heavily, coughing from all the dust.
The headless man emerged from the tunnel, pickaxe raised and scanning where I could have hid. “I may not be able to hear you. But I can follow footprints pretty easily hah. I know you’re in here.”
He grabbed the closest minecart available and pushed it into the tunnel entrance. With an immense show of strength, he lifted and dislodged the cart off the track, cramming it sideways, creating a massive obstacle.
I was sealed inside.
Trying to stay absolutely still, I coughed through my teeth. Lungs burning. My mom’s voice came through.
“Brrzzztt… The police should be there! I told them you were in danger! They said they sent a unit over. Maybe they broke down the front door?”
I looked up at the mine shaft next to me. If it did connect to the surface upstairs, this was my only chance.
I gave a couple good yells. “HEEEEELP!!! DOWN HERE!! HELP!”
I don’t know if it did any good, but it was better than nothing. I turned to see if the miner had heard anything.
He hadn't.
The pickaxe tapped and clanged awkwardly around minecart after minecart.
I had a bigger advantage than I thought.
Although the miner had two floating eyeballs, only the left one was really capable of seeing anything.
So I kept my distance and watched where he was going, always staying behind.
As he limped and peered around minecarts, I was able to evade him, move from behind rock piles and other carts, careful not to leave a trail in the rock dust.
It was all going well until I heard a familiar panting.
“Oh look. If it isn’t precious.”
The dog had managed to jump over the miner’s blockade. It must have heard my yells. Surprisingly, Kipper was unafraid of the headless villain, and even approached him to receive pets.
“Now why don’t you go say hello to our other friend here huh? I know she's here somewhere.”
No. Kipper. Please. Don’t.
The dog started sniffing. Within seconds he found my scent. Kipper skipped towards me like Lassie and excitedly licked my face.
“Aww there we are. Now isn’t that a good boy?”
I stood up and stared at the filthy, ash-stained coveralls. Despite the lack of teeth, I could sense a menacing grin where the mouth should be.
He wasn't going to lose sight of me now. I had nowhere to go.
So I did the thing my auntie said worked on all spirits. I fell to my knees and prayed.
“Please. I only came here for work. I’m too young to die. Let me go and I won't tell anyone that you're here.”
He stood over me. Both of his pupils started to quiver. In just a few seconds, his eyes were swimming excitedly within the space of his head.
I took off the only valuable I had. A gold necklace with a miniature version of Christ the Redeemer. A gift I had received as a teen in Rio. I held it out in my shaking hands.
“Please. Take it. Take everything.”
Suddenly both the eyeballs stared forward again, entranced by the gold.
“Well look at that. How generous. How generous of her. We should reward generosity shouldn’t we?”
***
It was hard for me to describe to the police officer how exactly I got out, because I have no idea.
The fiery pain where my eyes used to be overwhelmed my entire reality for hours. All I wanted was for it to stop.
They found me half inside a dumbwaiter bleeding to death from the gouges in my face.
I was taken to the hospital, where I would spend the next four weeks recovering.
The police did not in fact storm the house like my mom said. They waited outside for the homeowner to return. But when they heard my screams coming from the top floor, they broke the back door and eventually came to my rescue.
I’m told they did a thorough investigation but could not find any of the things I described.
The basement door led into a regular basement. It was filled with old furniture, unused decor, and paint cans. No Mine.
The dumbwaiter was also just a dumbwaiter. It wasn’t some mine shaft, and it didn’t lead any deeper than the basement. Nothing special.
There were definitely hot springs close by, but nothing close enough to damage Mr. Winslow's property. And there was an old, depleted gold mine not far away either, but it was completely abandoned, closed off, and nowhere near as big as the one I had described.
***
The police, paramedics and doctors all thought my story was some hallucination. That I had been on drugs or had some mental breakdown (even though they couldn’t find anything in me other than small traces of weed.)
Thankfully, my mother and aunt believed me. They believed every word. My aunt is the one who encouraged me to make this post, so others could hear my story.
I know it was real.
I know it was.
And Mr. Winslow is fully aware of the mine’s existence.
Putting the dots together, I realized it was likely the source of his wealth. Winslow had some control over that one headless miner down there.
Did Winslow intentionally entrap me? Was he trying to get the miner a new set of eyes? Or was it all an unfortunate accident?
I might never know.
But what I do know is that Mr. Winslow has been paying for our rent ever since the accident.
He feels “terrible about the situation” and “can’t possibly imagine” what I’ve been through.
But he knows what happened.
He knows if I really pushed, If I really forced the police, or some private investigator to look into it—they would uncover something awful. Something really really bad.
“Anything you need. Anything at all. I will cover it, Ida.” He said. “You helped me out, protected my dogs, and I will never forget it.”
He’s offered to pay for the rest of my University schooling. And once my face heals up, he’s even offered to cover for some very expensive, experimental eye-transplant. We’ll see how that goes.
“You and your family will live comfortably from now on. You’ll want for nothing. Tell me exactly what you need, And you’ll get it.”
So I told him I'd like my necklace back. It was an heirloom. I said I lost it somewhere in his house.
A few days later, he returned with the usual smug, half-crooked smirk in his voice. He brought the necklace back in a box, pretending he had bought me a new one. Except it felt exactly like my old one.
It was all shined up, completely buffed of scratches, but it weighed the same. It was my old one for sure.
When my mom saw it she asked, “did it always have it? This dedication?”
As far as I remembered, the backside of the tiny Christ the Redeemer was always plain. I fingered its shape in my hands.
“What dedication?”
The new little divots caught my nails. There was writing that was definitely not there before.
My mom described it as a curly, serif font. Like a gift for a lover.
~ You’re an angel ~
~ W ~

🔗 Server IP:

cherry.minewind.com 

Minewind Website
https://minewind.com/
🌍 Minewind is an innovative Minecraft Survival Multiplayer (SMP) server. Join epic boss fights and discover thousands of unique items and weapon combinations. Meet villagers in the wild who sell insane god items for mere emeralds, explore infinite wild worlds and find chests brimming with overpowered gear. Seek out the rarest treasure, but be prepared to face formidable boss monsters guarding them. Beware – they won't hesitate to use everything in their arsenal against you!
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🌌 Participate in daily events offering unique powerful rewards, and, at the end of the day, explore the natural beauty of Minecraft's wilderness and build a masterpiece in the perfect spot.
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🌄 ► Explore a Vast and Infinite World:
Minewind's world is immense, spanning multiple terabytes, and it never undergoes a reset. This enduring nature lets you wander through years of architectural wonders and ingenious creations left by other players, capturing the rich history and diverse tapestry of the Minewind community. Embark on journeys through landscapes dotted with ancient relics, bustling modern cities, concealed treasures, and beyond. Every masterpiece you create adds to this ever-evolving tapestry.
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🔗 ► Explore Item Combinations:
Minewind features a diverse and extensive collection of items, each with unique attributes and the potential for synergistic effects.
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Additionally, you can experience weapon combination effects. For example, wielding different crossbows in each hand merges their abilities, allowing you to rapidly fire exploding arrows.
This intricate system of item synergy, whether it involves magic, melee, or ranged weapons, is a defining characteristic of Minewind. With thousands combinations to explore, many of which remain undiscovered, you have the chance to pioneer new strategies and effects.
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🛠️ ► Navigate the Server with Ease:
Find helpful UIs like the game menu (/gamemenu) with adjustable difficulty settings and land claiming, allowing you to claim a portion of the land as your own. Players gain more land power for every minute played, ensuring your space is safe from griefing. Need help? The community is welcoming and ready to assist!
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I'm promoting Minewind, so join through my referral IP "cherry.minewind.com" for these free rank benefits:
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+6 home waypoints
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If you join through my referral IP, I'll earn deggs (Dragon Eggs), the main currency on Minewind, and you'll get a rank with benefits!
👋 See you in the game!!
🔗 Server IP:

cherry.minewind.com 

Minewind Website
https://minewind.com/

🔗 Server IP:

cherry.minewind.com 

Minewind Website
https://minewind.com/
🌍 Minewind is an innovative Minecraft Survival Multiplayer (SMP) server. Join epic boss fights and discover thousands of unique items and weapon combinations. Meet villagers in the wild who sell insane god items for mere emeralds, explore infinite wild worlds and find chests brimming with overpowered gear. Seek out the rarest treasure, but be prepared to face formidable boss monsters guarding them. Beware – they won't hesitate to use everything in their arsenal against you!
​
🌌 Participate in daily events offering unique powerful rewards, and, at the end of the day, explore the natural beauty of Minecraft's wilderness and build a masterpiece in the perfect spot.
​
🌄 ► Explore a Vast and Infinite World:
Minewind's world is immense, spanning multiple terabytes, and it never undergoes a reset. This enduring nature lets you wander through years of architectural wonders and ingenious creations left by other players, capturing the rich history and diverse tapestry of the Minewind community. Embark on journeys through landscapes dotted with ancient relics, bustling modern cities, concealed treasures, and beyond. Every masterpiece you create adds to this ever-evolving tapestry.
​
🔗 ► Explore Item Combinations:
Minewind features a diverse and extensive collection of items, each with unique attributes and the potential for synergistic effects.
Take 2 crossbows for example: - Quick Headshot: Enhances firing speed and boosts damage for headshots. - Exploding Seenk: Fires at a slower rate but produces explosive shots.
Additionally, you can experience weapon combination effects. For example, wielding different crossbows in each hand merges their abilities, allowing you to rapidly fire exploding arrows.
This intricate system of item synergy, whether it involves magic, melee, or ranged weapons, is a defining characteristic of Minewind. With thousands combinations to explore, many of which remain undiscovered, you have the chance to pioneer new strategies and effects.
​
🛠️ ► Navigate the Server with Ease:
Find helpful UIs like the game menu (/gamemenu) with adjustable difficulty settings and land claiming, allowing you to claim a portion of the land as your own. Players gain more land power for every minute played, ensuring your space is safe from griefing. Need help? The community is welcoming and ready to assist!
​
🎁 ► Join and Receive Benefits:
I'm promoting Minewind, so join through my referral IP "cherry.minewind.com" for these free rank benefits:
​
+6 home waypoints
1x Super level-up potion via /daily command
1x Gold coin currency via /daily command
1x Star remnant via /daily command
​
If you join through my referral IP, I'll earn deggs (Dragon Eggs), the main currency on Minewind, and you'll get a rank with benefits!
👋 See you in the game!!
🔗 Server IP:

cherry.minewind.com 

Minewind Website
https://minewind.com/

Good evening everyone, I have been suffering from migraine attacks since the beginning of last year (diagnosed by a neurologist). I am currently taking submatriptan and metamizole. Unfortunately, I have migraine attacks at least twice a week with paralysis symptoms in my face and arm. Of course, a very bad headache afterwards Does anyone have any tips to make it not such a pain? I don't want to pump myself full of painkillers every time... because I'm still quite young and it can't be that healthy in the long run... (W21) Best regards

My mom (41f) keeps getting these bumps on her face that swell with clear liquid and blood one pops up so more starts popping up too they affect her whole face and they are painful she has history of mrsa she I feel like has been on antibiotics this whole year almost and I don’t think that’s good to be on antibiotics for long periods of it but everytime she gets off them they come back 10x worse they refuse to go away she has tried different face washes, antibacterial soaps all of that but they always come back it’s big bumps with scabs sometimes there’s pus in them but normally clear liquid and blood today was her first dermatologist appointment and she left not feeling like she got answers they looked at her one time said it was mrsa gave her Bactrim and that was it (she’s actually already on Bactrim for it) but they still gave her Bactrim my question is at her second appointment what will they do if it’s not gone or healed? I figured they just wanted to see how it would look again once she comes back then go from there but in the mean time what can I do to help her or make her feel better and reassure her that the next appointment will be better also any face washes that will help this too would be helpful

His wife was gone, his brother dead with Caliban, his other siblings he was ashamed to say he did not know whether they yet lived or not. In truth it didn't matter they were gone and he doubted they would ever return to this galaxy, the last one he recalled meeting was Nightingale. They had came seeking counsel and any aid in their search for Corax, he was...not kind to his baby brother in fact he was sure he ruined any chance of recociliation should they ever meet again. "Stay here my Prince, watch over our sons they will need your steadying hand in these new times we are headed into." Those were her last words to him and he tried, oh by the allfather had he tried and in the first few years he was able to keep focused on that but soon the pain and loneliness began to get to him. Oh his stepsons cared for him there was no doubt of that but he wasn't their primarch and in truth he has no authority or right to try and command them and everyone knew it. "They need me huh? Well what about the fact that I need you Freyja, my life for years was to support you. I was there for you when you had...handled the two missing primarchs and their legions. I was there for you during Prospero and I was even there for you after your father died, but when I needed you where did you go? Off who knows where into the warp searching for what may be just an old fable abandoning me to try and hold everything for you until you decide to come back." He muttered bitterly while staring out across the frozen wastes that stretch as far as the eye can see trying and failing to not let his emotions get out of hand but the hurt in his heart was an everpresent pain that he knew would only be soothed one of two ways, either he and his love are reunited or if he were to simply dive off of the Aett and end his miserable existance. "Father you shouldn't be standing out here you can't withstand this weather for too long." Turning his head he stared at the marine who came for him. Ah its Bjorn of course it is he always was trying to keep an eye on him lately as if he could sense the dark thoughts lurking in his mind, nodding I follow him back inside the walls of the mighty fortess that was our home. "You were missed at the feast Father, Brynolf kept opening his loud mouth claiming that the tales of our Mother taking a mortal as a consort must only be that as he couldn't fathom a coward being honored so." A scoff is the only thing that let Bjorn know you were still listening. "And I'm sure you made your feelings on that clear hmm?" Bjorn smiled innocently "He might have issues speaking with his jaw being shattered." You feel a small smile tug at your lips before your brooding thoughts steal your focus again. "Why don't you try to track her down?" Your eyes lock unto Bjorns as he keeps speaking, "You are more than capable of it while you might not be able to best me or our best warriors but I doubt there is much in the galaxy that could be a genuine threat to you, and your tracking abilities are much the same so why?" You wait a moment to gather your thoughts before answering. "And do what Bjorn? She didn't want me with her and she left me behind, even if I were to find her what would it accomplish? All that would happen is losing whatever fondness she might still have for me and that would kill me Bjorn."
Silence hung in the hallway before suddenly Bjorn had you by the throat and slammed you against the wall. "What are you? You can't be my father, a man who would openly argue against the Wolf Queen herself for hours on end until you both were out of breath. My father was a man who in the face of foolish pups who thought they could bully their Mother's pet mortal put them firmly one their asses and mocked them for being bested by a mere pet. My father was a slayer not this weak spiritless creature that I see before me and I will not have some imposter disgracing his memory!" You were suddenly airborn as he flung you down the hall to land in a painful tumble. "If I find you here after an hour I will kill you myself, whatever you are Fenris is no place for you." Bjorn rumbled before he stalked off. Picking yourself up you make your way to your chambers to collect your belongings, he was right of course you have no place here you are no warrior worthy of saga and as such you had no right to the armor in your quarters. Taking with you a pack of clothing and food, a cloak, and the sword She had given you as a wedding gift you gather yourself and leave Fenris behind you.
Months, years, or even centuries later you can't be sure you finally pick up her trail and for the first time in a long time a true laugh leaves your lips and with tear filled eyes you look up into the strange sky of the warp "Thank you Bjorn, thank you so much."

We are easily influenced by ideas and groupthink - much more than we would like to believe. This applies to the belief in some special supernatural ascension or New Earth.
The constant insistences that "Earth is going into a higher vibration" or "We are shifting timelines" or "The activation codes are coming" or "We feel ill because ascension causes symptoms" or "The matrix is breaking down" -- is sadly, a delusion.
I don't care if Dolores Cannon is well respected and said the Earth is splitting. I don't care if people are claiming to be in the middle of the highest form of alchemical transformation which will bring them back to the original crystalline blueprint or whatever. Unless an interdimensional being, or the higher self, literally manifests in front of us, guiding us into the various stages of some amazing process, then all we're doing is guesswork - putting a fantasy story, a fluffy narrative, to the difficult experiences many of us have on Earth.
There are many red flags within this concept of ascension:

1. Supposedly it is the individual's responsibility to get away from the "dark" and go into the "light", not once or twice, but in a constant upward trajectory throughout time or else they will miss some crucial event, or get stuck in the Old Earth. This doesn't make sense because as humans, we never remain in any one state and cannot be simplified like that. We're always in flux. A few years ago, I felt amazing - full of creativity, love, and joy . If there WAS going to be an event, I was ready! But after years of difficulty, both mental, physical and financial, I find it more difficult to tap into that state as often. My once-experienced "high vibrational state" apparently doesn't matter though - the ascension codes/DNA upgrades are coming and I better be ready! In some circles people suggest "The ascension is in you - the more you align with your True Self the more you will perceive the New Earth". So which is it? Are we in a process that's collective or personal? How can we miss the flash or event if it's up to us? And if someone embodies a beautiful state of love and light but then falls back into a "lower" state before the supposed shift, what happens then? So many contradictions and half-baked ideas.
2. There are a select few chosen ones, or lightworkers, or special souls, who came here to help the world upgrade, or alchemize themselves - OK - so we're superheroes in disguise who didn't realize this until we learned the concept from a book or Internet page that spoke to us. And now we have to do our part in raising the frequency of the planet, or destroying the matrix grid lines or finding our lost Higher Self. But where and who did we hear this from? Is there some book in the Universe which verifiably pinpoints a select few souls to be doing this job? And how are we doing this special job without a list of requirements and tasks? There's no roadmap to this other than self-styled experts and confident speakers? Instead, most of us find out about ascensional lightworker exit-the-matrix stuff from other humans who ASSUME truths and IDENTIFY with them. Who the fuck enters a job without knowing how to complete it?
3. ...But then people will say "We were given free will to integrate the upgrades or not" or "We are trapped souls who forgot we're on a mission". So if we can forget we're on a mission, or if we're able to get lost in the sauce of humanity, then how effective or intelligent is this ascension? Who's steering the wheel? Without instructions and without having a roadmap on how to navigate, how can anyone do their part?
4. There is a long list of purported ascension symptoms from dizziness to chronic pain to depression to acne, etc. Let's face it - Being a human means dealing with bad air, food and water quality. We get stressed. We make mistakes and it all impacts our bodies. Almost everyone is in imperfect health, whether they're a child or adult. Go to any video on ascension symptoms and you'll see hundreds of people claiming their imperfect health is proof, or the result, of some amazing cosmic showdown happening behind the scenes. How about, we're all aging? Or its common for everyone to undergo health struggles at some point? Most of us didn't grow up on the greatest lifestyles and even now, with all of this wifi and loneliness and worldwide distress - how can we expect our health not to be affected? The denial is astounding. Which leads me to...
5. The justification of suffering as means for future pleasure. This is not much different from the Christian idea that suffering in Christ is noble and leads to heaven. People repeat, as if its untouchable wisdom: "Things only look like they're getting worse on Earth because the darkness is finally coming to light to be cleansed!" or "You're feeling bad because your shadow needs to be transmuted to accept the activation codes!" How do we know? How can anyone say such grandiose statements with confidence? Seriously, what is up with this demeanor people have of evaluating the situation perfectly and speaking in a conclusive, all-knowing fashion? Who told you the darkness is coming to the light for a future New Earth? Another human? A channeling session? A published book from an author who we think has direct access to God? Again, unless we are shown without a shred of doubt, in supernatural fashion, that the negative events on Earth are a result of a coming shift, who are we to speak for the Universe?

It's hard being human and accepting how broken everything is or can be - so we would rather huddle together and attach ourselves to the idea that we suffer for the sake of some great future. Which, of course, goes against some teachings that claim the present is all that exists. Leaders will even simultaneously say "Stay in the present, it's the best way to be apart of this shift" AND "The Event is coming at some point in the future, so be prepared".
Not to mention - the idea of ascension and a New Earth comes from a particular biblical idea of rapture, which is actually a Protestant idea that developed after many sects of Christianity formed.
I have befriended and met many who hold these ideas near and dear to them. Most of them have very messy lives and minds. Those most attracted to the New Earth fanaticism want to escape. I understand! I would love it if we woke up in a world free of limitation and ugliness too. Instead of believing in New Earth, I just accept Earthly life is difficult and will never be anything other than what it's been - a contrast of energies, dualities, opposites.
I think we are dealing with "Apocalyptic madness". Things are weird on Earth - REALLY weird. Many things currently happening seem unexplainable. So many keep stating over and over again "It's the end!" "Something's coming!" "Just a bit longer" whether it's the return of Jesus or a sublime DNA activation or destruction of evil. Maybe this is just Earth. Crazy, normal, weirdo Earth.
Thoughts? Do you agree? Do I just not get it and maybe there's a Pleadeian starseed out there who can teach me how wrong I am?

So I've had colitis since I was 18, 29 now and recently something new has started, but I've also started on new meds: gabapentin and acetaminophen-hydrocodone for ongoing hand surgeries I take all my meds as prescribed at the same times, I started in January but since end of March something strange started happening.
I felt what felt like a mild flare but nothing else, then some blood, then....the death poop...
There was no urgency, felt like the normal need to go number 2 but about 5 minutes in I started hearing the Jaws theme song and then....my insides locked up like the fingerprint reader on my phone after a round of garlic Parmesan wings.....and cramp like my calfs after trying to do a tiktok dance.... I was bearing down so hard and so aggressively my "innie" started to become an "outtie" and I'm NOT talking about my belly button. I was in spain but the "s" was silent, my legs were aching, I was hot then cold back and forth, getting dizzy, grabbing a hold of anything around me, texting my roommate that I might need an ambulance (yes it was THAT bad) I was getting chest pain that shot through my back, arm and neck, breathing heavy and dreading every push that came up. For a moment flashes of the show "I didn't know I was pregnant went through my, a 29 year old sexless anime video game nerd who hasn't been laid since the dinosaurs, head. The weird thing was, while I was fighting for my life trying to avoid my rendezvous with Jesus where id show up with my pants down wondering why its called a "REST" room if I'm fighting for my life...there were moments where it would all just stop completely...I'd feel like I was done, that little piddle of pee that signifies youre almost free would come out...and then...IT WOULD START ALL OVER AGAIN the cramps and urge to push would rush in and id once again be dueling a swift visit to our Lord and Savior while my intestines did the mambo no.5 Again with cramping, aching legs, chest pain, pushing, sweating, splashing water on my face dizzy...it would just go on...oh and it BURNED even my PEE WAS HOT...this would go on for about and hour till I limped and penguined my miserable way out of the bathroom praying my brown eye would return to its socket, id climb into bed, one heat pad on my tummy the other on the blast site...and just sit there shakey, weak and traumatized...no really I'm TERRIFIED of these poops to the point where the first time they happened in the words of Dean Winchester "I didn't poop for a week" I stopped eating basically...
So...this sound familiar to anyone? Some things to consider...about 4 months ago I found out I have MILD celiacs disease and apparently had had it for a while but this never happened before...I'm not lactose intolerant but this has me scared I may have some new things to discover about myself and my affairs with cheese...other than that I'm just a girl with a poop problem like all you other porta potty passengers
Any suggestions would be wonderful! I wonder about constipation but I've been constipated before and it never tried to john wick me while in the porcelain prison 😩
So...this sound familiar to any of you

I hope today finds you well, and I hope you take a moment to read this.
I am here to accept full responsibility for what I did. I don't think you're blaming yourself, but know that I understand: none of it was your fault, it is entirely on me.
I'm not here to ask forgiveness, because even if you forgive me, I still won't find a way to forgive myself. I caused you too much pain at a time you were already suffering and needed my support.
I'm not asking for your friendship, because I think I have destroyed any possibility of bringing that back. I will simply accept the fact that my actions have cost me the friendship of someone I loved and treasured dearly.
I tried to diagnose my own problems and do self therapy, but that was a complete failure. I did not understand myself well enough, and I didn't have the tools to fix myself either. As an adult, it was my responsibility to seek professional help to heal my childhood trauma long before this happened, but I waited too late. I am getting that help now.
Anxiety is supposed to be a way we prepare ourselves to face danger on the rare occasion it comes our way. Some anxiety will prepare the body to react quickly to danger. An overload of anxiety will shut down your ability to reason. It affects the brain at a neurological level, as it depletes some neurotransmitter chemicals and floods the brain with others. I am literally unable to reason until my anxiety is reduced back down below overload levels. My father was an abusive monster, so I grew up with constant threat of violence. I have learned that because of this constant threat, my brain was trained to be in a state of anxiety all the time. I have been living in a state of constant moderate distress for so many years now that it's just my 'normal' state, so it is a much shorter path for me to go from moderate to overloaded with anxiety. The only time I felt at peace was with you. I grew very dependent on your presence to ease my distress. It was wrong for me to place that kind of burden on you, and if I had known that was what I was doing I would have stopped. I just knew that I felt wonderful and happy with you.
Late March happened. I was already feeling more than my normal anxiety due to other factors in my life. You came to me very upset because your mother was planning an arranged marriage for you and an April wedding without telling you. I cared very much about you, and still do, so seeing you so upset about another massive manipulation by your mother filled me with more anxiety. Then you texted in the middle of the night telling me you were so depressed. My stress levels went further up. I reached my anxiety breaking point when you told me you were going to get married to keep the peace in the family. You sounded like a prisoner, resigned to the fact that you were being sentenced to life in prison, not like a woman looking forward to marrying the love of her life. My heart broke for you, and my anxiety levels reached overload. I couldn't think. My head was filled with incoherent gray fog, and my responses were limited to being a panicked child. Worse for me, I knew that your husband, whome you hadn't even met yet, would take all of your time and attention, so I would lose my only friend and my only source of peace. My actions during those few days were shameful, embarrassing, disturbing, and destructive. I wish I could erase the pain and distress I caused you. I am sorry you had to suffer from my problems. But I cannot change the past. I can only put everything I am into healing, learning, and growing up so I never do this to anyone again. For the next several months, with my therapists help, I will be focused completely on healing and maturing. He has a lot of experience helping people who grew up in abusive home like mine, so he knows exactly what he's doing. I won't be looking for friends, because I won't trust myself to be able to be a good friend to anyone for a while.
We used to be friends. You once cared about me until I destroyed it all. Maybe it will help you to know that some benefit will come from the suffering I put you through.
I thank you with all my heart for what you shared with me. I wish only the best for you, you deserve a good marriage.

People are always saying that because Clark doesn't choose to maturely leave Lana after he's realized they aren't meant to be together, but is instead forced to say goodbye to her, it makes Lois a second choice. Hard disagree. And I think the answer is in these 3 episodes, and Lana's faith in Clark compared to Martha's faith in both Clark and Jonathan, and Lois' faith in Clark.
Ok so I've been thinking about Requiem. Specifically the ending of Clark and Lana. I've always held the belief that Clark is coming to terms with it being over, and only wants Lana to not leave because he still wants her in his life. They've known each other a long time and mean a great deal to each other. But I kind of had an epiphany the other day. What if it's not about Clark's choice in that moment, but Lana's? Clark never gives up on people, and there is no denying that he loves Lana and doesn't want to give up on them. He always believes in people, so what if the point of this break up isn't that Clark doesn't want to let go of Lana, but that Lana doesn't believe in Clark in this crucial moment? She doesn't believe he can figure something out so they can be together, and is not willing to stay and risk the heartache of there not being a solution. Lana would rather leave forever, which is understandable considering all the pain and heartache she's been through, but this is a fundamental reason of why they aren't right for each other. Because Clark needs someone who believes in him no matter what. And if Clark and Lana are soulmates, shouldn't her belief in him be strong enough to weather any storm?
In Crusade, we see Martha going through it. Her husband has been in a coma for months and her son is missing, but she refuses to give up on either, believing in both Clark and Jonathan that a miracle will happen, and her family will be reunited again. If she hadn't had such strong belief, the hospital might have convinced her to pull the plug on Jonathan's life support. Her belief and strength is the reason both Clark and Jonathan come back to her. And Martha and Jonathan are the relationship that Clark wants for himself, he wants someone who will stand by his side and believe in him. Someone he can share his life with as equal partners.
And this brings me to Dominion. Clark and Oliver are in the phantom zone and Clark told Tess that if he's not back in a few hours, to close the gateway. She loses communication with him, and has no idea if he's still alive or what has happened. Lois finds out what Clark's plan was, and won't let Tess blow up the gate. She even holds Tess at gunpoint. The line she says to Tess, not only encompasses the character of Lois Lane, but it demonstrates why she's the one for Clark. "Being a hero's wife means never accepting defeat." She believes in Clark so much that she's willing to risk dealing with a phantom coming through. For 3 weeks, she and Tess guard the gate, with no communication from Clark and with no indication that he's even still alive, but Lois' faith in Clark is that strong. She can't fathom any other outcome other than Clark coming back to her, and she never wavers. Clark comes home to Lois, thinking he was only gone a few hours. His face when she tells him how long he was actually gone and the realization that she didn't give up on him in all that time, is so soft and sweet. He is so amazed by this woman and his love for her shines through his eyes. He knew she was loyal, but this is on another level. Lois' belief in Clark means so much to him, he puts it in his vows to her, and lets her know he believes in her just as much. For Clark, it's not about a second choice. Lois is the only choice for him. She is the one and always will be. They are truly soulmates.

I feel there are some toxic builds you can do and I definitely will try as soon as possible.
The key is thruster triggering effects.
Thruster + Lash + new rocket exotic chest. Imagine rushing an opponent, thrusting backwards, and suspending an opponent while firing rockets at their face. If they don't die, clean up with a shotgun..
Thruster + Lash + spirit of khepris. Same as above except you send fire at the enemy while suspended.
Thruster + Lash + Strand lash boots (forgot the name) Very aggressive suspending.
Overall thruster triggering lash maybe the fastest and simplest way to suspend someone. Even more so than hunter dive suspend. It really adds to an aggressive titan playstyle that could potentially be very oppressive.