In January of 2023 my wife, I’ll call her S, left me. A bit of backstory because this is mostly my fault. Me and her moved from Florida to Washington 6 years ago for me to find better work. Her dad, brother and I were all best friends for a while and her dad was my boss that’s how I met her. We started dating in 2016 when I lived in Jacksonville and was attending welding school. When I moved back to my hometown I couldn’t find work and eventually went back to work with the company her dad worked at, I ran my own shop. I hated it I was so depressed I wanted to weld but she didn’t want me to because she’d be alone while I was on the road so I stayed. Her mom is a meth addict and is very violent and her dad is laid back as it gets but an alcoholic non the less. I was living with my parents at the time and one day her mom freaked out and tried to hit her, I stood up and defended her and her mom kicked her out of there house. Me and her lived with my parents ever since. Now that she lived at my parents house I had to basically force her to get a job because all she did was play sims and complain. Especially about me watching game of thrones because of the nudity. when I got home and I thought she needed some purpose. I only bring these thing up to put into perspective the things that I had to forgive and give up to be with her. One day my mom asks us if we’d like to move to Washington in hopes of a better life and she could attend college here. I was thrilled at the idea and she was at that moment too. As the date grew closer and I had already put my two weeks notice in she started getting cold feet. I explained to her that I was miserable at my job and had already given up welding and I was not passing up another opportunity whether she came or not. That ended in a fight but she said she wanted to come in the end. My mom emptied her retirement so we could rent a truck, drive up and have an apartment when we got there (my mom was already here) When got here we both immediately got jobs as a construction labor, making quite good money and her at a drugstore. This is where the problems really began. She started to become very withdrawn. She was not interested in anything sexual, and it began to wear on my confidence. I eventually got a job as an electrician making less money as an apprentice, but more overall when I turned out. Then Covid hit. I got fat and depressed, I got a lot from unemployment. So naturally, I began to drink more. Then I started dabbling in cocaine. Over time this became a problem, I began hiding it doing it on the weekends being out all night sometimes for multiple days. She caught me and I lied. My mental health was deteriorating quickly. I had already suffered with depression before, but this was something different. Her dad got diagnosed with stage bone cancer during this too. It was a rough time for both of us. At one point she told me she didn’t know if she wanted to get a divorce because she wanted to go back home to be with her dad if he died. Even though I understood this crushed me even more. During 2022 I was still somehow I was still somehow still managing to keep it together even with my addiction. She started attending college and work and college at the same time with stressing her out to the point where she was crying so I told her to quit her job and do college full-time. I paid for all of it. Financial burdens began to increase. My mental health dropped even lower. I became increasingly suicidal I thought about death every day. I talked about it every day. She would tell me she’s not a psychiatrist or therapist and that she couldn’t help me. She started hanging out with one of her friends from work and they started hanging out a lot towards the end of 2022. This part is extremely important. I started noticing things on her phone that pointed to her being interested in women like things in her algorithm for TikTok and YouTube. Stuff to do with being lesbian and coming out or bi. I asked her one day if that was something that was going on with her if she was interested in women. She told me no. A month later, she came to me and told me that she thought about it and it was something that she had been thinking about. I told her that it was OK and that it was something that I was willing to let her explore as long as we communicated. Then out of the blue one day again she tells me she didn’t mind if I slept with other women. Looking back this was a red flag at the time. I thought it was OK with it for being with someone else. It turns out I was not. Being a cocaine addict and an alcoholic pretty much plus the thought of her being with someone else started to grind my self-conscious. I became increasingly paranoid that she would leave me. One night fueled on cocaine. I got on her laptop and looked through all of her history all of it back years. And I saw she had to stop obsessing over a guy. Is it OK to have a crush on a guy at the gym while married. I confronted her with this information. And it turned into a huge she said I invaded her privacy which I did and still feel terrible for. And she said it was only a crush and nothing else. Our sex life had all the ground, and I was so hurt that she was attracted to someone else and couldn’t even begin to be attracted to me. One night at the beginning of January, maybe the first week or two I was trying to quit drinking and doing cocaine. I had maybe been a week in. It was the weekend and I didn’t want to be alone. I begged her to stay with me, but she went out with her friend. In retaliation, I suppose I went out with someone a friend of mine and got fucked up. We ended up going back to his place with some girls. There was no sex just making out and such. I don’t remember exactly what happened, but I freaked out and got taken home in a cop car. She was at her friends at this point I decided to commit suicide. I overdosed on muscle relaxers with my uncle to tell him bye. My uncle got it out of him that I had overdosed. He called my wife and her and the woman that she was hanging out with came to my house and I was taken to the hospital. I spent a whole week in the hospital. The whole time I was there she just seemed annoyed. She wanted to go back to her friends house and do homework for school. I got out and went back to work. I had to make up some school and the day I was there. I talked to another woman about how I could win her back because she said that she didn’t know if she wanted to be with me anymore. The girls suggested I take her out on a date and tell her how I was feeling and I did. That night while we were eating dinner, she told me that she had been sleeping with that girl the night I tried to commit suicide and other nights. She didn’t tell me she was afraid I would divorce. At first, I remain calm. But as the past, I started to become angry. at home I told her I was leaving to go stay at a friends house because we need to take a break. I started drinking heavily and told her to get the fuck out of my house and I hated her a bunch of other I started drinking heavily and told her to get the fuck out of my house and I hated her a bunch of other terrible things. I went completely off the rails she left with that girl to stay at her house. I bought a bunch of cocaine Adderall and alcohol and was determined to just do drugs until I died. I started self harming. I tried to commit suicide through carbon monoxide, overdose, and hanging. I ruined the house. I broke so many things kicked down doors shattered pictures. You should’ve seen it. It was disgusting. She came by to check on me because she was worried. I was going to kill myself. I can’t remember everything that I said to her, but I know I freaked out. I started throwing things and just being an absolute ass. it culminated her calling my parents. She told him everything. I should also note that during this time I was confused as well with everything going on in my head and thought maybe I would be by and gave a guy a blow job he also gave me one as well. It didn’t last long I wasn’t into it, but I told her the very next day. Had about three months before all this happened. She left again and my mom flew back from Florida. As I sobered up, I began to realize how I had acted. I went to work and immediately told my foreman that I needed to go to rehab. I went to rehab and started to feel better about two months after she had told me and I went to rehab and started to feel better. About two months since the split, we met up at a Starbucks to talk about us. She said that she didn’t think she could be with me anymore. After the way I had acted and all the lying with my addiction. I wanted her back so badly. I told her I’m sorry I was never worth it in a bunch of other stuff that was childish. She said I had acted like her mom and that she couldn’t deal with it. I totally did the yelling throwing things saying horrible things to her to put her down. Anyway, I went no contact with her the whole time she was still living with that girl. I relapsed after about four months. I got laid off from my job. In a few Coke, fueled rages on separate occasions, I would call her and beg her back and then yell at her when she didn’t want to. I called her with cancer and told him that she had cheated on me with a girl. They are very conservative and that was a horrible thing for me to do. So now the end of the tale. I’ve been in and out of sobriety now for this year and a half more in sobriety than out. I’m sober now I’m in AA and NA and feeling much better. Her dad died of cancer. She never told me I heard through a friend of a friend which really hurt me because me and him used to be best friends. Although I understand why she would not reach out to me. Neither me or her have filed the paperwork for the divorce. We just never talk. She has me blocked on Facebook and I don’t know her phone number and honestly right now. I don’t even know if I want to go through with the divorce or just keep working on healing. I’m so confused because I still love her but also I don’t want to be with her but I do. I think about her all the time. I don’t want to break no contact with her. We haven’t spoken in over nine months. I don’t want to open up the wounds for her. If anyone has read this far thank you. I’m typing on my phone so if everything seems rushed and a little sporadic, sorry. I would just like some advice on how maybe I could move forward stay sober and heal from all of this.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/XIdus1PkoRM
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I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Ok-Firefighter602 posting in AmItheAsshole and his user account
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 29th April 2023
Update - 22nd May 2023
​
AITA for breaking a promise and attending my stepdaughter's graduation?
​
I’ll start by explaining some backstory. I (54M) lost my first wife when my son (25M) and daughter (22F) were ages 9 and 12, Both my kids took it as hard as you would expect and to this day have a poor relationship with both my current wife "Doreen (49F)" and my stepdaughter "Amy (18F)". I started dating Doreen about 4 months after my first wife passed, as such my kids believe I cheated on their mom. Amy was 5 when we got together and as such I see her as my own daughter.
On to the actual story, 4 years ago, two days before Kay's high school graduation, Amy got very ill while visiting her grandparents and ended up needing emergency surgery. My wife and I rushed to be with Amy and admittedly I did not communicate well with Kay. At the time Kay didn't pick up my calls, so I left her a voicemail and several text messages explaining what happened and telling Kay I was sorry but I would make it up to her. A few hours go by and I get a call from Kay, she is in hysterics telling me what a terrible father I am and stated that if I did not attend her graduation I would be dead to her. I chose to support Amy.
True to her words, Kay did not contact me on the day of her graduation. And when came home Kay's things had been moved out of the house with a note explaining that we were no longer family and to never contact her again.
Luckily Kay and I were able to reconcile, however, I promised her I would give her absolutely anything in the world to make her forgive me. She said that she would forgive me as long as I refused to attend Amy's graduation as this was the only way to make it fair. I agreed at the time thinking she was just joking or angry and would soon forget.
This leads me to now. Invitations for Amy's graduation went out, and despite all the hostility Amy wanted to make sure Kay got one. Kay called Amy later that day and said she would be unable to attend as she and I would be spending the day together per our agreement. Amy broke down into tears asking me why I was missing her graduation, I assured her I was not and that I would speak to Kay. Later I explained to Kay that I simply could not miss Amy's graduation. Kay launched into a tirade about how I was a liar and an asshole and how could I do this to her again. I told her that we would talk when she calmed down and she said we would never talk again.
My son, and several of our extended family have all taken Kay's side saying I didn't see how hurt she was at graduation. My wife believes I am the asshole for even promising that in the first place as I should have known it would only upset one or both girls. And Amy is just sad and confused wondering why Kay hates her. I know keeping my promise and not attending Amy's graduation is probably the only way to salvage my relationship with Kay, but no matter how I look at it I would feel like I'm punishing Amy for having a medical issue, so am I the asshole?
EDIT to add some relevant info.
I NEVER cheated on my first wife. your accusations are honestly tiring and disgusting.
Amy's Bio father was never in her life. I am NOT Amy's Biological father, that wasn't ever even in question as we are not the same race.
Amy had appendicitis, she was staying over 4 hours away at her grandparent's house. at the time that we left the only info Doreen's mother would give us was she passed out and wouldn't wake up.
My daughter was moved out of our house for about a month and a half after which we made up and she returned to live with us for another 2 years before going away to school.
I did not believe Kay when she said she wanted me to miss Amy's graduation as it seemed like a ridiculous request. despite what you all may believe our relationship was fine after this event we were in near-daily contact and she would frequently visit us.
​
Comments
​
Angry-trans
YTA And have been for years. You are a bad father. Kay is correct. You are a liar. You've done nothing to prioritize Kay ever since your new family rolled in. Your relationship with your daughter is dead and the blood is on your hands.
​
calliatom
Seriously though... you never should have promised Kay that, knowing full well that you had no intention of keeping your word. And now you're being a bad father to Amy too, by trying to use her tears and guilt to dig yourself out of the grave you dug yourself with Kay.
​
CryptographerSuch753
Seems like all op cared about was getting his way in the moment. Seems like that may be a pattern
​
victoria12345678909
YTA - you replaced your kids mom with a new family 4 months after she died! Your kids lost their mom so young and you don’t seem like you prioritized their feelings or helped them deal with things, instead you moved on fast. Kay didn’t have a mother to attend her graduation and she needed you there. Could you not have driven to the grad then back to the hospital?
​
LadyDerri
Ten to One that Amy is his daughter. That's why he favors her.
​
Comments from OOP

Amy ended up having to get an emergency appendectomy, but at the time was visiting her Grandparents about a 4 hour drive from where we lived. Her grandmother didn't give us too much relevant information before we left, just that she had passed out and wouldn't wake up. On the way there we didn't know her condition or anything because her grandmother is a non-native English speaker and didn't understand a lot of the medical terms. once we got there and signed off on the surgery she ended up needing an additional 2 days in the hospital and wanted both of us by her side. During this time I repeatedly called and texted both my mother and son who were planning to attend the ceremony. I had every intention of calling/ video calling so that I could still support her, but she told everyone she didn't want me to be a part of it.

​

I didn't immediately move in Doreen and Amy once we started dating, we dated for over 2 years before we moved in together. My wife's death was not a sudden thing she battled cancer on and off for years before she passed. My children already knew/ were comfortable with Doreen as she was my late wife's best friend so I thought they would enjoy having her around more. I offered both children grief counseling, my son took me up on it, and I took Kay to a few sessions but she would kick/ scream/ cry every time I took her finally the counselor decided that forcing her before she was ready would only worsen her grief. I offered her therapy many times over the years, but she never took me up on it.

​

first of all, I knew Doreen for years before I even met my late wife, in fact, Doreen introduced us. I thought my kids would like having Doreen around as before my wife passed they loved her like an aunt. I did not move her in or make her a permanent part of our daily lives until over 2 years into our relationship. four months after my wife passed we agreed to explore our romantic feelings I explained what was going on in age-appropriate terms so they wouldn't be blindsided if they caught their dad kissing their "aunt".

​
**Judgement - YTA*\*
​
Update - 1 month later
​
I wasn't sure if I wanted to post an update after the reaction I got last time, I can stomach death threats against myself but directing such hatred toward my children was truly disturbing. But the graduation has come and gone and I thought I should share how it all went down. I'm sure most of you will be displeased.
Amy was mad at me for a few days, but we have a strong bond and she quickly got over it. The saint that she is said she would understand if I wanted to miss it to make it up to Kay. I told her I wouldn't do that to her and reassured her that she has done nothing wrong.
As for the elephant in the room, Kay, she and my son live in the same city and work in the same field so they're as close as ever. My son and his partner were giving her a lot of emotional support at this time. In the end, she decided not to attend Amy's graduation but sent flowers and a card with my son. There were a lot of nasty messages directed toward her, which I feel is completely unacceptable. She isn't mean or vindictive. She is a smart, very kind, very empathetic woman. She made a bizarre ultimatum as a confused and hurt teenager I certainly don't think that makes her a bad person.
I know all of you seem to think I hate my children, but the amount of pain I feel at the deterioration of my relationship with my daughter is unexplainable, I've been on and off anti-depressants since the death of my wife and at my therapist's suggestion will be going back on them. it's taking all of my willpower not to reach out to her again, but I've already disrespected her wishes enough. She can choose to reach out to me when and if she ever wants to again and I'll be waiting.
I know it's not the most impactful update and I'm sure most of you wanted to see me left miserable and alone, but I don't live my life for anyone else's entertainment. I can accept that I'm the asshole, maybe I'm an asshole in general, but I'm not some evil monster that you all want me to be. I'm a man that made the mistake of sharing his problems with the internet a mistake I won't be making again. I probably won't delete this account, but I'm not gonna be updating in the future. goodbye.
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Comments
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YogurtclosetWeird789
Look OP I get that you're human, just a man.
But you can't get away with the I made mistakes because you make the same ones over and over again.
I don't understand trolls and stupid people with the death threats or nasty messages about your kids it's wrong and disgusting.
The only issue here is YOU! The fact that claim to love Kay and how it is breaking your heart that she wants nothing to do with you is your own fault, every 'mistake' you made and repeated always seems to be against her. I don't actually think you care about Kay all that much as you still have Amy.
Now you've decided oh well I've fucked up again and made so many mistakes I'll just leave her alone and not confront the fact you failed her as a supportive father. OWN IT, Change your damn ways.
Believe me, you're not the worst dad out there. but you are a shitty one to Kay.
When will you wake up and realise without the self-pity that YOU have to be the one to make amends. Why on earth would she contact you?
Do you not care that one day she will get married and you won't be invited to the wedding or even to walk her down the aisle? When she has her first child and you find out through the grapevine instead of being a Grandpa?
Maybe one day she will forgive you, but not if your solution is to just give her space! seems to me she had a lot of space from you already. All she wanted was your time and sole attention for a bit, and you've never been able to give her that. I feel for both your son and daughter because it seems you have a favourite and you don't care as long as Amy is ok.
Let me guess and say your wife thinks it's best to give her the space? Amy may be a nice girl but I bet your wife has encouraged your behaviour.
It's honestly sad.
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OOP: I'm giving Kay space because that's what she said she wants, I can't do anything other than that. No matter what I'm gonna still be there for her any way I can, but for the time being, I'm not going to pester her or beg for forgiveness because that's not what she wants. I HAVE made mistakes and at the top of that list is not listening to my children when they tell me exactly what they need from me.

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AAP_BH
Even in this follow up post the way you speak about Kay, the disgust you feel for her oozes out. You claim so many people spoke badly of her in your previous post but those comments were minimal compared to the people that spoke badly of YOU, YOUR WIFE AND SAINT AMY but you don’t mention that, you still want Kay to be the “bad” daughter. Saying her request was “sad and bizarre” no it wasn’t.
It’s so convenient that this is when all of a sudden you realize you need to and will listen to Kay, not when she was begging you to choose her for once since your dear saint Amy came into your life. All you had to do was not go to a High School graduation and you couldn’t even do that.
You’re a horrible father to Kay and you will continue to be one. The fact that you still made the decision to put Amy over your freaking daughter is so sad, the fact that you cared so much more over Amy being upset over letting Kay down again says a lot. Leave Kay alone, don’t ever contact her again unless it’s to say flat out to her face that you are stepping down as a father since you know you will never be able to giver her the love and attention you give your true daughter Amy, that Amy will always come first. I had peritonitis, I was in the hospital (at 8yrs old) for almost a year on and off and my mom would leave to work , she was a single mother, and I was fine. Amy was a teenager, had A MOTHER AND GRANDPARENTS, she had appendicitis a common procedure, 2 freaking days before your daughters graduation and you couldn’t leave just for a day bc “Amy wanted me by her side”. My heart aches for Kay, knowing she is pretty much an orphan. Ughh parents like you I don’t freaking understand, you should’ve given up your rights as a father the moment you decided that your new family was more important than your children. I don’t think I’ve ever had so much hate for a stranger on Reddit.
ETA— by the way you sad excuse of a man, you didn’t make a mistake you made various CHOICES and DECISIONS to deliberately hurt your daughter. You DECIDED TO PUT AMY FIRST. You’re no victim, the only victim here is your ex daughter, Kay and probably her brother as well
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Soft_Consequence2262
Oh Amy the Saint.... I got the same vibes. The Father is trying to paint Kay as the bad person that he needs to defend. Yet, can't go past without a shout out to how AMAZING Amy is... actually gives me the creeps. Feels like he has some weird obsession with her perfection.
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[deleted]
Yeah the Amy the Saint really rubbed me the wrong way. It’s sad that despite everything, OP is still so delusional. I wish Kay a life of happiness, even if it means she would go NC with OP for life.
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Admitting we have a problem is the first step in solving it! Author is a Eugenean talking about her experience with rising crime in the city, never saw this story but hey, still relevant today. Found this little gem by random chance. Title is a hopefully relatable quote from the article. You can agree or disagree with the author, but it's actually pretty well written with sources included. (just including the whole article, for people who don't want to click links!)

I Caught Two Men Stealing From My Home. The Aftermath Was Absurd—and All Too Typical.

This experience crystallized Oregon’s deeper problems.

BY REBECCA SCHUMANJUNE 21, 20225:40 AM
Typically, guys wearing power-company vests don’t leave the houses they’re working on laden down with backpacks—let alone power tools, a scooter, and a Nintendo Switch. But that was the scene I happened upon at 6:30 p.m. on a Tuesday in mid-April when I puttered into my driveway in Eugene, Oregon, my 7-year-old ensconced in the back seat.
For a second, my brain tried to normalize the incident: This is just my daughter’s dad stopping by—except there are two of him, and they’re dressed as electricians for some reason? Then, a second later, everything whooshed into place: Oh, wait, I’m being robbed. Or, rather, I was being burgled. I would get reminded of this distinction later, when I made the dubious choice to join the chorus of aggrieved buttinskies on Nextdoor, where my well-meaning post to warn the neighborhood would turn me into an accidental vigilante hero for a day.
Unfortunately, it’s true: My reaction to this burgle was the lived-out fantasy of many who have been on the business end of a property crime. As the two goons took off on foot down my street, I went into fight-or-flight mode—and I chose fight.
“Well,” I said to my confused child, “let’s go see if we can get our stuff back.”
I peeled my 2005 Subaru back onto the street and easily overtook my two targets, who then hurtled themselves into an alley, whereupon I cornered one by the driver’s side window as the other made haste across the adjacent parking lot.
“Just give it back, bro!” I yelled out my window. “Just give it back! I’m a single mom! Just give it back.”
I repeated this until either I reminded him too much of his meanest teacher or he realized he’d been caught in broad daylight. “Fine,” he said. “Just fucking take it.”
He shoved a backpack through my driver’s side window. Inside it was both my laptops and my daughter’s iPad from school. Back at home, I would discover these guys had used channel lock pliers to force open the back door, but that the general chaos of my home had prevented them from locating my passport, jewelry, or sole item of irreplaceable value: the Montblanc fountain pen that my father, who died in a bicycle accident two years ago, had gotten for his law school graduation. My cat was unfazed.
I can honestly tell you that this little caper of mine was thrilling and deeply satisfying. It was also the exact wrong thing to do. Even this fanatical open-carry gun website implores: “Don’t chase criminals.” What if these two dipsticks had been armed? As unlikely as that was—property crime in my town is often driven by addiction, and weapons are worth money, which can buy drugs—I put myself and my child in potential danger. And for what? Three grand worth of electronics. As any reputable expert will tell you, you’re never to give chase to a thief, because human life is not worth possessions. As much as I admit to enjoying being called a “badass” by everyone I told this story, plus the listeners of KLCC Oregon, I should not have done this.
I did call the police, on the nonemergency line, because the dudes were long gone and nobody was hurt. I declined the dispatcher’s offer to send two officers to fingerprint a bunch of stuff I’d already touched. At best, that would have just added two more sets of prints to my town’s burgeoning roster of perennially at-large property criminals.
There are larger issues here, issues much more important than my would-be cool story. First, it’s an example of how in Eugene, small-scale property crime is now de facto legal. It is largely nonviolent, so it’s rarely seen as worth police resources to track down the goods. At the same time, it is so prevalent that any time one vest-wearing bozo gets nabbed, three more spring up in his place. This was my house’s second break-in in six months, and my fourth property crime total in the three years I’ve lived here as an adult. Eugene is my hometown, so I can also add the four times my childhood house, where my mother still lives, has been burgled since the early 2000s. When I was little, we left our front door unlocked so regularly that I wasn’t aware front doors had locks on them until I was much older. By the time I turned 30, however, every door in my parents’ house had been pried open at least once. (“Time to finally get that alarm system!” said my dad for three straight decades.)
Still, it’s a mistake to treat this trend solely as a vexing crime problem. Eugene’s descent into its property crime epidemic has been concurrent, unsurprisingly, with two addiction epidemics: First, the methamphetamine nightmare of the 1990s—when pseudoephedrine pills were still unregulated—hit Oregon and other Western states particularly hard. That wave segued all too naturally into the opioid and fentanyl crisis of the present. Meanwhile, not only did meth never really leave, but its use in Oregon also surged with the pandemic, with three Oregonians per day currently dying a drug-related death.
Since our conversation was necessarily brief, I don’t know the housing or drug situation of the guys who broke into my place. But local statistics point to them as two more casualties of these plagues. (Granted, those statistics are from nearby Portland, and they are police-sourced, so take them how you wish.)
For all the ambivalent empathy that the opioid epidemic has engendered, the local property crime scourge has set off a fierce public backlash. My incident brought out an unsurprising chorus of bloodlust on Nextdoor and elsewhere, when I shared it because I wanted to give my immediate neighbors a heads-up: “You should have kicked their asses,” they wrote. “We need to rise up and defend our property.”
This town’s petty crime is often attributed, at least in the national conservative press, to our West Coast government’s decision to temporarily allow urban camping during the pandemic. (That policy has now officially ended, for what it’s worth.) Towns like mine have often been characterized in the popular imagination as unlivable crime-addled hellholes. I will be the first to admit that our tent cities are sometimes blatant open-air drug markets, but this is the case even as our property values inflate to absurd proportions—and our crime is actually on the decline. Still, Oregonians like me currently have about a 2.7 percent chance of being burgled, which, at almost 30 percent higher than the national average, is very high. I learned very efficiently how anecdotes like mine get around (I can’t help it if I’m a dynamic storyteller!) and attract the righteous indignation of other former victims, so many often feel, incorrectly, like we few honest vanguards are awash in a sea of riffraff.
This atmosphere, in turn, inspires my locality’s equally unreasonable political extremists to put forth and exacerbate their own untenable solutions. Even in a hyperpolarized American environment, Oregon is more polarized than most. For decades, our liberal enclaves have made Portlandia look understated, while our conservative areas make Texas’ look progressive.
For example, during the heyday of Eugene’s recently dismantled and infamous Washington Jefferson Park tent city, a larger break-in at a bicycle store was traced at least partially back to the encampment. The police swept the tents and made a flurry of arrests. Some of the bikes were found. This resulted in part in outrage over using resources to hassle the city’s most impoverished residents: “A stolen bike, yes, that sucks,” an advocate for the unhoused told a local news outlet. “But what are your priorities? And I’m sorry, but a stolen bike isn’t the priority.”
Well, trust me, in this town, it definitely isn’t. Recovering those bikes was an anomaly; in Eugene, most of these burglaries go unsolved. In fact, 87 percent of burglaries in the whole country do, too. The get-tough-on-property-crime proponents assert that statistically, this sends a message that stealing is fair game, and sure, that is a message I do not condone. But I also agree with a somewhat less rabid version of the opposing view: Property is replaceable, these crimes are nonviolent, and everyone currently rifling through houses and dealing drugs out of tents in my town is human. They deserve a chance to get their lives on track.
So, what should be the town’s priority? Fixing the addiction epidemics is a perilously long way away from happening, for reasons that are as polarizing as addiction’s consequences. In the sobering and excellent Dopesick, author Beth Macy goes into painfully exacting detail about opioids’ near-inescapable hold on the human brain. Macy argues that the true way out of this epidemic is “low-barrier treatment,” which includes supportive housing and medical interventions such as safe injection supplies, fentanyl testing strips, buprenorphine access, and supervised consumption sites. All of these options, however, are a tough sell even in a “progressive” town like Eugene, where supervised consumption sites are what NIMBY nightmares are made of, and low-barrier treatment can run up against deeply held moral stigma: Gas is $5 a gallon, and my taxes are going to some junkie?
In the meantime, while some admirably advocate and vote and wait for those breakthroughs, what should we do about the burglaries themselves? Should we pursue more law enforcement, or more compassion toward the burglars? More arrests that allegedly might deter this, or policies that might alleviate income inequality? Does—as approximately 83 percent of the suggestions from my Nextdoor thread contended—every house in town need a tripwire that handcuffs trespassers on sight? Or should all businesses be taxed at 500 percent, and the proceeds used to furnish every fentanyl dealer in town with a nice apartment and mad cash? The debate has degenerated such that these are the sorts of cartoonish positions each side believes they’re fighting—and, in fact, are the only available choices. Just check out Eugene’s Reddit section any day, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
The actual blight on small American towns like mine isn’t property crime. It’s that any tenable solution to it has been swallowed up into a churning abyss of extremism and perceived counterextremism. No one seems to have a convincing answer to the most basic question: So what should we do? What should I do?
Burglaries don’t have to be largely unsolvable, and more property criminals could be apprehended. But while I don’t want those dudes or any of their buddies to come back to my house, I also don’t want them in an American prison, where their “rehabilitation” will consist largely of learning better ways to commit even bigger crimes when they get out, and their options for alternative forms of acquiring money will be even more limited than they are now. Lacking any meaningful restorative justice program for petty thieves in my town (which would, in turn, necessitate locating and apprehending them), I decided my own problems could be solved, for now, with a padlock on my back gate.
And then, not long after the break-in, a Nintendo Switch appeared on my town’s Craigslist. Its included components and color combination were identical to the set stolen from my house. I debated, briefly, bringing my vigilante justice alter ego Super Annoying out of retirement, answering the ad and showing up to shrill my wrongdoers into returning what was mine. But this time, I thought better of it. My life is not worth much, but it’s probably worth more than Mario Kart. I can only hope the console’s new owners enjoy it as much as my daughter did—at least until someone steals it again.

Personally, when the question comes up, I think back to this quote from a game I like. "Life is not a question. There does not need to be an answer."
I really don't know if there is any rhyme or reason to our being here, and if there is it doesn't seem all that readily apparent. Which is why what I think's important is to make the most of the time you have. I look at Rooster Teeth coming to an end, and Red vs Blue airing its final season, and for the first time in a lifetime of loss, I feel happy that it happened rather than sad to see it go.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go into that game I mentioned, find a desert planet in Galactic Hub space... and get my back to work.

I had 2 kids but one of them caught smallpox and infected the other a few days later. The first kid already succumbed and I'm not sure if the second kid will get better. I tried gifting him the dissolve disease potion but CLEARLY he didn't drink it.
My husband and I are both elders so I think we probably can't have another kid? Also, we're about the same age so it won't be possible to play as him after my death. So now I have a few options:

1. Hope my son get better and adopt a kid if he doesn't (but I'm not sure my husband and I can live till the kid grows up. If so, will the kid get adopted off to another family? Can I still play as the kid?)
   
2. Craft another dissolve disease potion and poison myself immediately so I can choose him as my heir and have him drink the potion.
   

What would be the better option?

Travel
No line problems reported.
Today in Scottish History
16 May 1823: The death in France of Grace Elliott, the renowned Scottish society beauty and courtesan who witnessed at first hand the French Revolution.
/GlasgowMarket Digest
BOILER ROOM 18th MAY
Ticketmaster £100 gift card for sale
2 Lucy Spraggan Ticket For Tonight at the Barrowlands - £40
Little Big
Looking for Superheaven ticket 18/5
Tune of the day
Bell Bottom Blues (suggested by ScreamingFannyBaws)
Picked from 2 eligible links submitted today. Suggest tomorrow's tune.

After over almost 8 years of being too scared and frustrated to play bloodborne I finally beat it. I got the game because of the PlayStation+ monthly free games and after reaching the cathedral ward I put the game down for years. Picked it back up two weeks ago and after letting go of the fear of death in game I ended up first trying vicar Amelia, amydala, micolash, mergo, ludwig, lady maria, gherman and the moon presence as well as a couple chalice dungeon bosses. I was somewhat disappointed on how easily I beat some of these bosses I had heard so many horror stories about but at the same time I still absolutely love this game. Orphan of Cos and Ebreitas were no joke but I don’t think it took me much longer than an hour to beat. I will say that I did play and beat Elden ring so that definitely helped out a lot in playing bloodborne.
End game Stats/Build: Max Sawspear Level 99 36 Vit 30 End 15 Str 50 Skill 10 BT 8 Arcane

I... dont really know where to begin, so I'll start with background. I've had flings in the past, but this is my first long time relationship. To be 5 years this August. We live in california.
Tldr: I recieved a phone call after having just seen her the previous day asking to talk, essentially during this reasons boiled down to
"Everything, the long distance, and (i, 29m) dont have initiative" "(i've, 29m) been talking about becoming an electrician, but havent done anything about it"
Back story.
I (29m) have supported my partner (29f) in their passion for Renaissance Faire for the entire time we had been together. She treats this as her livlihood. Has been clear about this, but I had no qualms. Her income is padded from her father at 1000$ a month, a vestige of an agreement to earn a degree (which she still has not, and has not been in school since before we began dating)
I have voiced wishing to become an electrician, i love working with my hands, and circuitry is enthralling. I have known people in the field, who have helped me get interviews and attempt entry level positions but each time have been told, the slot was filled before onboarding trully happened for me. Student loans kinda terrify me cause of debt, the trade schools i've found in cali be expensive. Most of my savings before hand went to assisting my grandma with issues that were taken care of.
We both talked about how neither of us was fully in the career we wanted, and how we wanted to see the other grow into it.
When we got together, @24 years old, i was an assistant manager in a deli, after multiple instances of being passed for applied promotions and training those who recieved those promotions.... I had enough. This was only the first year of our relationship
I got a job at a Hyatt Hotels, becoming a front end (lobby) manager. Hyatt at the time had excellent student programs and loan rates, which fizzled when the location franchised, and we lost a majority of benefits. Found a new job
I've been at a shipping company that works out of a single location for a tech company, Juniper networks. Have DOT driving certs, and multiple forklift certs. Mon-fri 9-5, making good money (close to 30/hr) feel ALOT more comfortable with loans now. Have more time that i can set aside for things. This was the last barely two years, my annual was literally a week ago.
The primary reason i havent begun said process of loans is the amount i have been trying to support her in her passion and stay connected. But even with that I was beginning to figure out times for school.
She had begun with 1 faire, then two, then some smaller ones. Trying out different Faires at different times. Just this year attempting all of them.
She has progressively added more and more faires, to the point where she we will not be at home .... 9 months? Of this year. 3 months roughly each faire, back to back at times. One faire is out of state, all the rest are driveable easy.
I say roughly as all the faires dates are up for debate, between the build, run, and teardown, there is variance of up to several weeks. Making planning outside of Faire difficult. I find out these dates through her, but with very little time in between to plan anything
I visit during the close faires, Casa de fruta Northern Ren faire, every weekend. During the farther Faires, like LA southern faire, every other weekend. Of my own volition and wish to see her.
Long distance it may be, but the longest actual time we've been apart for these is only a couple weeks at a time. Literally 2.
I text and call, not quite everyday, but no longer than a few (3ish), most of the time with no response. Again no qualms, just different things happening at different times, blind love yaknow?
I purchased essentially her entire camp, carport, cots, portable matress (trifold queen), tents, tables, stove, etc.
I drove her throughout our relationship, not just to and from Faire, literally everything. She has refused to get a drivers license out of fear. I have mobilized her supplies and camp.
We talked frequently, enjoyed shows, board games, we started heading to amusement parks, (she loves rollercoasters), we would go dancing while she was home, build lego display sets, like i could keep on going.
The last couple times shes come home from Faire, things have felt off. Like i have to reconnect with her at home. When i visit has seemed like either shes masking for me, or at faire.
She started getting too tired to do anything in between the Faires, and would refuse my assistance to get ready. Which was basically laundry and maintenance for camp things.
Sometimes these last couple months i would respond with the energy i recieved. Im human. I dont really know what else to say for that. We would talk about it Then things would go back to how they were.... for a time
Ill admit i have resting grumpy face, and on occaision am grumpy. But I never took it out on her. We had arguments, but never anything that lasted or made us truly angry. Sometimes i would say i need some alone time, just to cool off. But that never lasted for more than an hour or two.
When we began dating, she asked me bring my tone down a bit. Kinda made me realize unintended inflections.
Again these last couple months, she hasnt been rude, nor abusive... just sharp... to the point i feel like i have to apologize for ideas or actions. I brought this up, and things got better.... for a bit
I have dropped the ball on occaision with cleaning around the house, and she brought it up when they happened, but it honestly went both ways.
She ruled over laundry, i ruled over dishes, we'd help each other wipe down surfaces and vacuum. We have cats, and took turns cleaning litter.
We'd helped each other cook, but unless I laid very clear intentions i wanted to cook for her, she'd take over. She preferred cooking, saying "ocd"
Her love languages is much more touch oriented than mime are.
I have never claimed to be fast at anything. In fact literally have compared myself to the Tortoise, from tortoise and the hare. And feel very judged on it all of a sudden.
Looking back... maybe I could have initiated more... but as i began to do so more and more this last year together, i was met with more and more, "tired" or "faire".
I just... feel like a wrung out rag..... and ... i dont know... Used?
She mentioned it not being fair to either of us... just making me wonder if this might actually be better off...
Doesnt feel like it now

I mean, almost every single issue that plagued them in the early stage of development into the first years of construction has been fixed (no really). The only ways the cost can increase is...

1. Anyone from not-so Left Wing NIMBYS in LA/SF Bay Area to Right Wing Trolls/Brats in the Central Valley or Inland Empire sabotaging the project either by suing continuously or bash it on social media which can turn people against it. NEVER take these people seriously as they usually don't know what they are talking about as they can't just become experts on infrastructure and transpiration overnight.
2. Not getting the full funding sooner, which will drive up the cost of the project. And if anyone speaks against finishing the project, it's the auto and airline industries talking, not their heart.
3. It has been DECADES since a piece of infrastructure has been built at this scale. And no, Brightline Florida is not a good excuse since that is not entirely grade separated though Brightline West maybe. I actually think Brightline can help CAHSR finish the Palmdale - LA segment since both will be using the same corridor. Should be a no brainier to get it over with.

All that I ask is to give it a chance and not slander it any further because the more damage you give it, the longer and more expensive it will be. The first Shinkhansen and TGV lines while under development and construction faced very similar issues and cost overruns. In fact, the 'father' of the Shinkhansen is now considered a disgrace by locals due to the Shinkhansen's cost overruns NO JOKE. But look at them today, those points are almost never brought up by anyone.

Hello everyone, A Little summary of my schooling to make you understand better about my case so maybe if at least even one of you can help me here
I have completed my 10th grade in the form of Cambridge IGCSE (basically 10th but from UK system, which is very popular in the and in India and is accepted) in the year of 2021
now, In my grade 11th. I shifted back to a CBSE school in Science stream and got less percentage mainly due to JEE prep being poor (I got 83% in Class 11th in PCM and 76% Overall in all 5 subjects) and I completed in April 2022)
Now for 12th grade, I once again changed schools and this time. I went to a State board school (Gujarat state board). However, when my 12th Board exams happened. i was very sick due and my health was very low and thus my 12th exam went bad and I was only able to get 66% in PCM subjects which are used for admission into Gujarat's colleges.
Thus I decided to give 12th class again and so I filled out the improvement form which required to give up my 12th result (where i got 66% marks) and thus it was now invalid (this was 2023)
in simple terms, I had to give my class 12th exams again like how a fresh student would and my former class 12th result's record no longer exist. so, now in 2024 I again gave my class 12th exams and was able
to achieve 96% in PCM and 93% overall, I was quite satisfied with it.
But I came to know of Germany and thus I was interested in that now. I want to study Mechanical Engineering there in TUM or KIT as those are part of TU9 and I like the cities as well
So as 12th class result is not sufficient for admission into German unis. I have to came know about the International A Levels (basically the same UK system in which i did 10th, now A Levels basically mean grade 12th). those can be used for direct admission.
and I most likely willl take them in oct-nov 2024 session and get my results in jan 2025 and will have about 9 months before i go to germany
Now there are several doubts of mine here:-
(1) How will my APS work if I have 12th result and A Level (A Level will be used for direct admission)
(2) Will this create problems in VISA or not
(3) has anyone u know or u yourself have took the path of Germany through A Levels
(4). my school leaving certificate is of 2023 only, as I gave 12th exam in 2024 as improvement exam and thus my school is not there now
(5) will I also have to TestAS in this case of me giving A Levels or not?
(6) do u need language certificate for APS compulsorily or nor
I will actually be starting my uni in India right now in August in Comp Sci (my father won't understand for Mech Eng in India, he says you can take Mech Eng in Germany only and that too he will consider first if he wants or no).
I know i can go to germany after 1st year if i wanna continue with CS but that route will be more hectic and less time for me. unlike here in case of giving A Levels. where i will have results in Jan 2025 and will be able to have good time for APS, Visa and uni application
I am already on B1 level (I came to know of germany in October 2023 and started with german after that).
hopefully by Feb 2025. I will get TestDAF (16/20) as well
my_qualifications: 10th (IGCSE) in 2021
11th (CBSE) in 2022
12th (Gujarat state board) in 2024 officially, 2023 one does not count and is invalid now

Nit sure if this is the right place for this post but here we go..
My cousin 13m is currently living with me. His mom is currently battling stage 3 breast cancer and it’s pretty much living in the hospital. They recently got evicted from their previous home but they found a new apartment but it’s too far from his school. I decided to take him in so I can take him to school and look after him while his mom is at the hospital.
I started asking him questions about school and homework, turns out he doesn’t do any of it. I asked him why, he says that he just doesn’t care and doesn’t care if he gets left back. He just looks unbothered by the thought of it. I tried to take away his phone but he would just seat in the chair unbothered. He is still acting normal when we talk about other things, it’s just when I ask about the school work that his whole demeanor changes.
I guess it’s important to add that he never really had a father figure in his life and his mom never really checked if he did his homework since she was always working even during night. So this is kind of fhe first time that someone has cared about his school in his life.
Guess my question is what would you do in this situation? How can I motive an unmotivated student? I don’t have kids so I’m not sure where to start.

(TW graphic description of child abuse)
Really struggling emotionally with what my experience is “labeled”. I know physical abuse, I know emotional abuse. Is this considered sexual abuse?
THE ABUSE: My father loved to spank. It was almost like a sport to him, he would literally aim and move his hand in certain ways right before hitting as if he was warming up. He used his hand, but a lot of the times a belt was used. We had a dedicated spanking room in our house. He also loved to humiliate and embarrass.
This is where it’s very painful. There were times when my father would rip down our pants and underwear or lift up our dress/nightgown to remove underwear. Or sometimes he would order us to do it ourselves. He would use either his hand or a belt on our bare bottoms.
There was one instance that I remember that was insanely traumatic for me. I was showering with my little sister. I was around 8 years old and I was insanely insecure about my body. I didn’t want anyone seeing my body. All of a sudden we hear my father BANGING on the door screaming in a rage. I wrapped up in a towel and opened the door. He jerked me across the room into the bedroom, ripped the towel off my body, told me to put my hands on the bed (part of his spanking ritual) and beat me while I was completely nude. I remember feeling so confused and absolutely beyond violated and embarrassed. The most heartbreaking part was that I did nothing “wrong”, he was just mad and I was there to take his anger out. I still remember looking over at my little sister, nude with her hands on the bed, staring into space waiting for her beating.
I also recall another strange incident around the same age. I was showering (glass shower) and all of a sudden I hear “hey Jane”, I look over and he’s in the corner of the bathroom. I scream and cover my body, and he laughs and leaves.
THE EFFECTS: At this age (8) is when I began to experience issues with my bladder, specifically paruresis (shy bladder syndrome). I could no longer pee in a public restroom if someone was nearby. It got very bad in high school, my mother would have to pick me up from school to pee at home. It got to the point where I still couldn’t pee when I got home, and my mother would have to leave the house in order for me to pee. I began to have other health issues as a teenager, and two doctors asked if I had ever experienced sexual abuse. This is the first time I had questioned my past.
Once I hit my 20s and moved away from home, I began having nightmares of people trying to remove my clothes, or someone trying to pull a blanket off of me while I’m nude underneath. I always feel like people are looking at my ass. My hips sway forward and I clench my butt cheeks sometimes if someone is standing behind me. I’m now 25, and the years of constantly denying and ignoring my past have officially taken full effect. My abuse is all I think about. I am now in therapy beginning the healing process.
If you’ve read this far, thank you for reading and listening.

note:first time posting on Reddit so give me a break I am 16 and I really really need some very helpful advice because I’m in a really low point where I’m gonna be a 3rd year freshman. I have good grades, friends and great teachers it’s just attendance. It all started last year when my father got put in jail and my now ex broke up with me, that really took a toll on me leading to me failing the last 2 semesters because of missing absences. I only had 5 credits leading coming into this year and I have no one to ask for guidance and genuine advice. It’s now the 4th semester and I’m trying and trying to fix my past mistakes but I’m having major burnouts and breakdowns every day and I don’t think it’s gonna be better. I feel like I’m gonna be stuck in a cycle I created because I wasn’t strong enough. I’m trying my best to keep my life together but I’m scared of failure and rejection from the world and my peers. Any advice helps. Please and thank you.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/DdJxUSevYf0
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I mean, almost every single issue that plagued them in the early stage of development into the first years of construction has been fixed (no really). The only ways the cost can increase is...

1. Anyone from not-so Left Wing NIMBYS in LA/SF Bay Area to Right Wing Trolls/Brats in the Central Valley or Inland Empire sabotaging the project either by suing continuously or bash it on social media which can turn people against it. NEVER take these people seriously as they usually don't know what they are talking about as they can't just become experts on infrastructure and transpiration overnight.
2. Not getting the full funding sooner, which will drive up the cost of the project. And if anyone speaks against finishing the project, it's the auto and airline industries talking, not them.
3. It has been DECADES since a piece of infrastructure has been built at this scale. And no, Brightline Florida is not a good excuse since that is not entirely grade separated though Brightline West maybe. I actually think Brightline can help CAHSR finish the Palmdale - LA segment since both will be using the same corridor. Should be a no brainer to get it over with.

All that I ask is to give it a chance and not slander it any further because the more damage you give it, the longer and more expensive it will be. The first Shinkhansen and TGV lines while under development and construction faced very similar issues and cost overruns. In fact, the 'father' of the Shinkhansen is now considered a disgrace by locals due to the Shinkhansen's cost overruns NO JOKE. But look at them today, those points are almost never brought up by anyone.

Hello! I am looking for a good pair of boots for my dad! I’ve always heard nicks is the best but I don’t own any myself. But for my fathers 57th birthday my siblings and I pitched in to get him money for some nice boots and I was just wondering what would be a good pair of boots for him? He’s on hard hospital floors all day and likes to hike we’re looking more for a work first boot or shoe that he can take on hikes on the weekend or so. Thank you!

This isn’t intended to be a hate post by any means. I loved the first game, not so much the second game.
Season 1 was pretty good aside from some stuff I consider to be picky on my part. For example the first game did a better job when it came to Joel teaching Ellie how to handle a fire arm safely/ use it. Although Bill’s episode was a masterpiece, it majorly leaves out the badass side of him from the game- he literally stands out in the rain with a scoped bolt action rifle when he has quick access to an arsenal in the basement.
For the 2nd season I’m not too worried about it other than how they’re going to handle the actual pacing as I feel like the 2nd game struggled with that. To nitpick a little I would also say it’s going to be weird if Abby is the most buff person in the entire show lol. I hope to god Joel’s death is completely re-written. If they kill him off early fine… just don’t have him say “hey my name is Joel and this is my brother Tommy, we have a town full of precious supplies if you guys want some” and then get killed by a golf club.
Would appreciate actual opinions if anyone really disagrees with me other than name calling.

I was in Arizona recently and the police detained me because they were convinced I was someone else. The cop was convinced that I had handed him a fake identification and said to the other female cop "Let's let him stew in the backseat for a while and see if we can't get the truth"
I was placed in the back of the car with the heat absolutely at full blast. They continued to stay outside. I don't know how long I was in there for but after a minute I started sweating buckets and the last thing I remember was trying to get their attention to tell them that I was scared. When I finally came to my handcuffs had been removed and I was being propped up in the front seat with the A/C now on full blast and was being given water. I threw up on the side of the car several times after that but honestly was so afraid of being placed in the back of the car with the heat again everything was "Yes/No sir". I honestly didn't even do anything initially that would be considered disrespectful, just insisting that I was who my ID said I was.
At this point both officers were being extremely apologetic saying they were so sorry for the mix up and that I actually was who I said I was. They said I was free to go, and honestly I remember walking zig zag back to the hotel lobby. At this point I walk back into the hotel and go into my room and lay down because I was so extremely sick. I think I fell asleep for several hours and by the time I woke up I couldn't recall any details of who the officers were.
I had to have been in the back of that car for 15-20 minutes at least. I have no memory of being taken out of the car, like I said my first memory was sitting in the front with the A/C full blast in my face. Considering this is the southwest and almost summertime, the cops would never have had anything but the A/C on, so them turning the heat up was a way to try and make me as uncomfortable as possible because they thought I was lying and was convinced I was someone else.
I should have requested medical, but my only thought was getting to my hotel room because I felt so ill and was already in the hotel parking lot. Is there a way to find out who detained me that day and see if I can get body cam footage of the incident?
I've never been arrested in my life and this was my first time being detained. Honestly I'm scared to death of cops now. And anytime since then I have started to feel hot I get extreme anxiety.

I'm an engineering graduate student at a very famous university. She's a different kind of STEM grad student at the same university (mid-twenties). She has only been in America for a few years. Before everyone jumps and says "Chinese girls are just like American girls" the reason that I'm making this post is because i'm afraid that i'm missing some cultural norm or context, causing me to screw up the situation. Dating in America is fairly toxic, in my opinion. It seems as though it's often a contest of who can appear to be the least interested. My Chinese colleagues tell me that Chinese girls need to be chased a bit harder. That they're more pragmatic, so a guy who shows little interest would not be a good long term investment for a Chinese girl. Also, I realize that I'm anxious and insecure so there's no need to over-emphasize this in your response. Ultimately, I'm really sad for how this has turned out, but friends of mine tell me things are probably going as well as they could be. With that out of the way, I hope to hear your thoughts on my story.
Back up to a few months ago. I see this girl at the gym quite frequently. One day she asked how many sets I have on a machine. There are very few machines at the school gym so I get this question from girls quite frequently. Anyway, in between sets, I chatted her up, made little jokes "where did you do undergrad? ... well, no one's perfect" ... "I'm going to ask you five questions, and to win, you need to give me incorrect answers only"... she seemed to enjoy this, was smiling a lot, and when I'd see her from across the gym, she would smile and wave. Anyway, some weeks passed and I would see her at the gym occasionally. I would try to get her to play along with fantasies about robbing a bank together, but she didn't seem to follow, and would ask what I meant, perhaps because of the language barrier, perhaps because she's a STEM girl. I noticed that she actually cheated at the "wrong answers" game by changing one of her answers, so I called her out on it the next time I saw her. "how do I know I can trust you?" :)
I probably went too far the next time that I saw her. I was nervous but planning to get her number "has anyone ever told you that you're super cute, but super annoying?" She gave me a big embarrassed/confused smile and said "WHAT?!". I asked how we might continue the conversation, she suggested instagram, but I presented my phone number keypad. She looked around a bit embarrassed and reluctantly typed her number in. I didn't call her. I figured that was already too intense. I texted her and told her to save my name as "(My name) - such and such clever hot fantasy thing". She laughed let me know she saved it (!).
I saw her around campus a few days later, she smiled and waved to me. I figured that I hadn't screwed up too badly yet. A couple of days later I saw her at the gym, tried to make the joke about robbing a bank, again, but she asked what I meant. I guess that didn't go over well and I don't remember exactly how the conversation ended. I called her later that night and she didn't respond. I texted her and told her that I just had a quick question and she could call back if she would like, but that there was no pressure to do so. She responded with laughing emojis and asked if I wouldn't mind texting. I texted her an invite for coffee, but told her to hold the flowers and chocolates since we just met. She laughed, said thank you but she's too busy lately, and let me know that she would see me "at the gym sometime!". Fairly disappointed, I said "cool, shoot me a text or call sometime". She hearted the message (ouch). I thought this was a death knell, but friends of mine encouraged me to keep trying. "She's probably attracted to you, but not comfortable enough yet."
So the next time I saw her at the gym, I said "Hey!" gave her a Hi-five and kept going. She looked embarrassed, so I didn't want to stick around in case she needed space. A couple of days later, we were at the gym together, but I didn't want to come off as upset or needy, so I kept my head in my phone. I figured that maybe she had had enough. Anyway, this time, she actually said hello to me as she walked by. So of course, I smiled and said hi back. We would see each other about once per week, making small talk. I told her that she had a pretty voice. Rather than leaving the complement there (too much tension), I asked if she could sing, found out that we both like Karaoke, and told her we should start a rock band. This was a joke of course, it seems that the two of us have little time for a life outside of our research.
I texted her the next day, told her that I am curious about her thoughts on American vs. Chinese culture, and about why she was considering saying in the US after graduation. Told her that I enjoy our chats together, and was hoping that she would consider joining my American rock band (Laughing emoji). Try-outs to be held at the Karaoke lounge nearby. She didn't respond and I was quite disappointed again.
I happened to be walking on campus last week and we ran into each other (very unusual) so I asked if she had a minute to talk. She was on her way to a meeting, so I suggested that we meet up after that. She told me to text her. So naturally, I texted her, and this time she agreed to meet! (Last Tuesday) I was more excited that day than any time I can remember, at least for the past few years.
So we met up that afternoon and she suggested that we sit on the grass together. She smiled and asked me why we couldn't just continue talking at the gym together. I can't believe that she doesn't know why I was asking her out for a second time. She must have been looking for emotional reassurance or something like this. I told her it's hard to get to know someone if you only ever see them at the gym, smiled, and playfully said, "but maybe this is a one-sided relationship, don't worry, I'll just be crying myself to sleep, no big deal". I tried to say this in a light-hearted way so that it wasn't too intense. She was wearing large sunglasses this day (relevant later), I asked her to take them off but she refused, "OK, no problem". I then did a cold read routine on her, as an ice-breaker. She corrected me when I was wrong, and it sounded like she's a workaholic (not uncommon for our university) and that she had trouble not thinking about work. I thought it was a nice time, as we got to learn a bit more about each other. She told me that she would be away on an internship for the summer, but she would be back. I made a joke about how my heart broke for a second but was quickly mended. Our "date" didn't last very long, less than a half our, and she went back into her office building. She said goodbye to me, but only said the first syllable of my name (very cute). If she had been an American girl, I would have made an effort to at least touch her shoulder or hug goodbye, but my understanding is that this would be too much for a Chinese girl. My Chinese friend (Call him Tadashii, introduced again later) said that this was the right thing to do. I had previously dated a Chinese girl who wouldn't even hub me until I told her I wanted to date exclusively, several months into the relationship.
I was stoked for the rest of the day, so excited that I had finally been able to make plans to be with her alone, however short it was. I wanted to send a follow-up text, but held myself back and waited for about 42 hours (Thursday). I told her that I really enjoyed seeing her, I was happy that we had the opportunity to learn something about each other, and complimented her suggestion of sitting out on the grass together.
When she didn't respond, I was once again, fairly anxious and upset. I tried very much to keep it to myself.
The next day, I saw her at the gym again (Friday). This time, she seemed to be in a bad mood. She wasn't resting between sets and I got the feeling that she was avoiding me. Before I left, I approached her anyway (mistake?). I asked if we could exchange socials that are popular in her country, and she said "No, I don't add people on that". According to my Chinese friends, this was BS because everyone uses this app. She quickly shut down my attempts at conversation. I tried to go into a story about the school newspaper and she said "no, I don't want to hear about it" while perhaps forcing a smile. I realized that she was either in a bad mood, or really did not want to speak with, or both. So I said "ok, have a good night" and went home feeling very bad once again. Backing up a few steps, I noticed that she had a large pimple near her eye this day, which would explain why she hadn't wanted to take off her sunglasses while we were hanging out together on the grass. It could also suggest that she was too embarrassed for me to see her. She is an incredibly beautiful girl and clearly puts a lot of effort into her appearance so this could have easily been what caused her mood to shift so dramatically last week. I know what acne does to someone's self confidence, as i struggled with it frequently when I was younger. It must be ten times worse for women.
I guess this is a stressful time for the girl, and my advances haven't been making things easier on her. It would be quite tragic if I gave up simply because I had misread the circumstances. Of course, I don't know what she's thinking and I'm really worried about trying too hard. I'm used to girls responding to my follow-up text after a date with either enthusiasm, or by letting me know that a second date wasn't going to happen.
My Chinese colleague Tadashii, who seems to have good intuition on relationships with Chinese women gave me his input. He told me that Chinese women may very between chaos and order rapidly, like the Dao, in order to "test" men. They want to see that a man is actually dedicated. Further, a Chinese girl may have a stereotypical view of American men as "players" who only want to hook up. She is probably scared that I'm like this. He emphasized that this was only one data point in a series of mostly positive interactions. The 180-degree shift in demeanor could indicate a bad day or stressful period, but if a girl is truly disinterested, she would probably let me know at some point. His suggestion is to wait a month, until the girl is settled into her internship life. At that time, she would probably appreciate someone friendly reaching out to her to check in. In this way, we might have a text correspondence. This is something that I would never usually do, but he said it's typical for Chinese people to chat over apps or text while maintaining a long-distance friendship. He also mentioned that he's made girlfriends this way.
She will likely be away for two to three months. I haven't even found out where she was going. I usually try not to get girls thinking about work on dates, asking basic questions like "what do you do..." (no fun) but in this case, it was actually logistically relevant. oops. My plan is to follow Tadashii's advice. Maybe I'll see the girl at the gym again on Friday this week (38 hours from now). My American friends say that I should let her approach me this time. They also say that I should try to catch her again in the Fall when she returns. Tadashii says that waiting until the Fall is too long. This would send her the message that I was intimidated by her emotional response last week, or that I really was just an American player, and. not very serious about her.
So am I blown out, or should I hold on to the anxious pain of hope? Thanks in advance for your input.

Fuck that one-shot attack, man. I would have beaten him on my last run if I hadn't been less than a second late to the right number on the clock. Last death defiance gone, then seconds later I'm dead
I made it though his first phase with over half my health left and full death defiance (Which was nuts for me considering this was my fourth fight against him). If he didn't one-shot me with that, I would have won. I had the best build I've ever had in this game, I was faster than a bullet, and I still lost solely because of that one mistake
I know that's the point. But it frustrates me. I had even watched a video showing me his entire second phase to prepare for the fight because I knew I ha a chance, then he did some attacks that weren't in the video so that messed with me. It was FAR AND ABOVE the closest I've ever gotten but I lost because I made 1 singular mistake and that sucks

Hi there,
Firstly, thanks for setting up this sub!
I have a question I’m hoping you might be able to advise on:
I am currently not registered for VAT as my revenues are below the mandatory registration threshold and voluntary registration doesn’t make sense as I am a service/consultancy business so have very little in the way of purchases to reclaim VAT on.
The challenge for me arises where I am providing quotations for prospective clients as I do not know if I will be VAT registered or not when carrying out the work and the delivery of work can take months if not a year. My quotes are naturally more competitive prior to VAT registration too.
My question was around tax points for VAT, is it the service delivery, invoicing point or customer payment point?
The reason I ask is that could I in theory agree with a customer that I would bill them up-front to help shield them from a price increase once I reach the registration threshold I.e. can the tax point be the receipt of money from the customer rather than point of service delivery?
Thanks in advance!