Six minute read
So I go to college in CO but am from MN which is where my boyfriend and I met in senior year of highschool. Everything was great, I even moved to CO so that I could go to school near him because he was moving there. Once college started insecurities started to show, after being SA'd by a guy at college he demanded that if I am hanging out with people I have to tell him the names of everyone one there. He also to this day says that I technically cheated on him when I was SA'd because I didn't tell him the name of the guy right away. I've been r*ped for three months in a past relationship so it was an honest trauma reaction when I didn't tell him the name and I told him that. The controlling got worse and worse to the point tha I would be anxious to the point of being nauseous if I hung out with even friends that he knew. If I was asked to go to the club I would have to ask permission which would 100% of the time lead him saying no. I should add that after the SA incident we broke up for three months, I expected to never talk to him again and was really happy being single and free but he wiggled his way back into my life leading to us getting back together. This last winter break I was so done with it, I gathered the courage to have a serious talk about his controlling behavior specifically about him saying I can't go to the club, not because I wanted to go party but because of the fact that he thought he could tell me yes or no. In my mind I was ready to end things based on how he reacted to the talk, but he reacted well and so we stayed together and now I am allowed to go to clubs etc. I also must add that when we are in person hanging out everything is fine, we don't fight, we just chill and have fun. We just don't know how to communicate until things start to boil over because it makes both of us very uncomfortable to talk about issues in our relationship in person (I know that is not good and have been working on it) I do feel that things aren't the same as they used to be, there is a feeling of walking on egg shells around him a good amount of the time, things have been better recently. If one little thing happens he will be crabby and just shut down the rest of the day, even losing a game. When my older sister F(23) came to visit a few weeks ago he said that he would take us to the aquarium, we were getting food at the dining hall at my school and so I went out to his car to invite him to sit with us until we are ready to leave. He was in one of his "moods" and was angry, he just said no and that he will wait for us in his car and then hit the gas and loudly sped away when I was three feet away from him car. Later that night we were all drinking and he admitted with a laugh and smile on his face that he acted like that because he was listening to logics new album or something and "just needed to grind" whatever the fuck that means. My sister was driving in his car alone with him for maybe 15 minutes max. and said that even she felt like she was walking on egg shells and that she understood me now because he would get upset at the smallest things. It honestly just embarrassed me that he couldn't try to be nice around my sister, that just shows me that he doesn't care.
So now to get to the actual story, sorry that I rambled, I am currently visiting my family in MN for two weeks, he is still in CO. A week ago I went to visit one of my only friends from highschool for a sleepover, we went down to eat dinner and when we came back upstairs I saw that I had a missed call from him, I then saw this exact text: "Hey J***a! I miss you a lot right now. I know you're having a fun time out in Minnesota with your friends and your family. I love and care about you very much, I know you know that. It's time to move on from each other. This hurts a lot and I'm shaking while typing this. But I need to fly solo for a while and figure some shit out on my end. " My honest reaction was "I think blank just broke up with me?" My friend was so nice and then asked me how I felt, I honestly didn't feel sad, I was mainly just confused because of how random it was, he was acting completely normal up until then. I tried calling him back but it went straight to voicemail sp I texted him this: "I wish we could've had this talk on the phone. I was eating dinner downstairs when you called. I tried calling but you aren't answering so.
I agree, I feel like we haven't been in love like we used to for a long time, and I think moving on is the best thing for both of us." He never replied the rest of the night. The rest of the night I didn't cry or feel sad, I called my girl friends that I'm living with in CO, after them asking me how I felt and stuff we just started making fun plans for our single girl summer. Every single one of my friends does not like my boyfriend including my sister. They have been telling me to break up with him for months but I am honestly too scared and uncomfortable to, plus things are good when we are hanging out in person so I figured to just not worry about it. The next day my ex snapchatted me asking if we could have a phone call later if that is okay with me, I said sure expecting him to just tell me why he wanted to break up. But instead he said that the night before he saw some old screenshots (from the old SA incident) that made him go into a downward spiral. I will say I said some awful stuff behind his back which was the screenshots he was looking at. He then convinced himself that I had cheated on him and that I didn't actually get assaulted and that all of the times that I studied with my guy friends or hungout with them that we were fucking. So he just sent that text and powered off his phone. I will also say that I have never cheated on him. The next day he woke up and regretted it, he admitted that he also felt nauseous and scared which is think means he was just scared to be alone because we've been together for so long and he doesn't have any IRL friends in CO, so he would've basically been alone. So anyways on the phone the day after breaking up with me he told me why he sent the text and then started talking about how he was sad because he wasn't thinking lastnight, that he was only thinking about the bad things but then started thinking about all of the good times we have had and that that was what made him so sad the next morning. He said he truly loved me and wanted to at least say that he tried to get me back. I was again just very confused and shocked at this information, I tend to feel really bad for people even when they don't deserve it and so when he said he would've regretted this for the rest of his life and that he really loved me I caved and agreed to see if we can work things out. That being said I made sure to let him know that what he did was really shitty and not normal, and that it of course hurt me the way he went about it all. I have been telling him that he needs to go back to therapy for a year and he kept saying no, so on the phone I told him that if I'm even going to consider getting back with him he is going to get therapy. I know that may be shitty and I don't like telling people what to do but that is honestly what I think he needs if we even have a chance at getting better as a couple. At this time we are also planning to see eachother when I get back to CO to have an in-person talk about a lot of stuff. I told him that we can "stay together" but that I need time to think and I don't want to be official until I see major amount of change from him. Which historically has never really happened or the changes he made he eventually let slip and went back to his old ways which were toxic.
So now I am here, not sure what to think. I have been trying to really think about what I want and how I feel without thinking about his feelings but it's been really hard. We agreed to reconvene and see if things are better at the end of the summer, allowing him time to work on himself. But I don't know if I want to do that. I feel like things won't change, only because they haven't in the past when he said that they would. I also don't know how to end things if I were to.
If you were me what would you honestly do? It's hard to end such a long relationship.

Before I start off this review I just want to let you know that I’m sorry if my grammar sucks in this review because I am typing on a phone but if you want any questions on what I mean by it just lmk.
First off I wanted to say I loved the way they protrayed the characters of the show and it is really nice to learn about their past, their role of the school and the hidden struggles they’ve been through throughout their school life. Which is pretty cool. I think the dynamic relationship between Eun Oh and Tae Woon are amazing. I love how they acted throughout the show and an amazing duo main characters.
(The Story) With the storyline I thought the idea was interesting. A hidden prankster exposing the corruption of the school and how they favor rich kids than students. Taking bribes, making kids eat expire food and rigging competitions just so the rich kids can go to college easier. It was just plain scummy. In my opinion (sounds like a hot take) I thought it was fairly obvious that X was Tae Woon because judging about his background and how he changed ever since the death of his best friend affected him so much. Originally I did think it was Dae Hwi but the more I learned about Tae Woon’s character and the fight that he had with Dae Hwi calling him a murder I thought it was obvious. But overall the way they structured the story and all is very entertaining and it does leave you to continue more of the episodes the more you watch
(Complaints)
The one thing that I had a gripe with Eun Ho’s character. Seems to me that throughout the entire show she would willingly take the fall several times throughout the show especially with Tae Woon. But the one thing that really didn’t sit right with me is that she tried to take the fall and claim that shes X and willingly to risk ruining her future just to save her boyfriend which made Tae Woon mad. In which I agree that he had the right to feel upset about. The one thing that didn’t sit right with me is that she threatened to quit school to Tae Woon if he ever turned himself in and I’m like what the fuck? Why are you willingly guilt trip your boyfriend to not do anything when he was the one who did the most damage. I get that she didn’t want Tae Woon to move away if he ever got exposed but willingly to throw away your future and not recognize that was the reason why he became the reason he became X in the first place because his dad covered up his best friends death and its quite dumb for her to cover it up for him when that hurted him a lot on how much his dad keep covering up things he won’t take responsibility for
The one thing that also that didn’t sit right with me is that there was no action against the parents who bribed their kids to be successful. I don’t know if I missed something but I wanted karma so badly for these rich kids and their parents who think that they were all that. Especially with Min Joo. He was such a fucking asshole and I wanted him to get huge karma especially when he went and beat his ex girlfriend because he was fucking freaking out that his mom finding out smh.
Another thing that I wish they showed in the show is the relationship between Nam Joo and her father. I wish we gotten more background about her past and how she went on with that lie. I get that we got bits of information but it would’ve been nice to see a small background about her past on why her dad went bankrupt but to me it felt that the story of her relationship with Dae Hwi felt rushed to make it a happy ending for them
Despite the 3 criticisms I had with the show. I think the show is good and very interesting. I just wish we gotten some more context with some of the characters that deserved to have more screentime (Like Nam Joo for an example) I think the show is amazing. I did had a bits of ups and downs with the storyline but overall its not bad and I think its worth recommending to some people.
(8/10) Lmk your thoughts?

I don’t know where else to say this. No one believes me, no one that hasn’t seen it already. But I have to say something so here it is and the world can decide.
I was a good worker. I showed up for my shifts and did what my written job description said, never missed a day or a chance for a day off. My goal was to be average, to not be good enough to noticed and given more responsibilities, but also not be bad enough to be noticed and put on watch. It’s what I’ve done all my life. Fly under the radar, be easily missed during inspections and blend into the crowd. I got B’s in school, had no intention of going to college or university, not like I’d ever be able to afford it, just wanted a secure job to let me afford my underachieving lifestyle. Took me almost ten years to find something like that, drifitng from one job to another, leaving when too many people started to notice I was much better at the job than I let on.
And eventually I found the perfect fit for myself. I was an overnight security operator, don’t get excited it’s a fancy title for spending all night watching security monitors, for a commuter train. I can’t say which one or where for the safety of others and myself. The job was simple, watch the camera feeds of my designated train and write a report for anything unusual. On a rare occasion make a statement to the police, and I mean rare occasion. In my five years doing that job I spoke to the police maybe twice before the incident.
I think that’s enough background so onto the point. It was a regular Thursday night, shift started at 10pm, working with Larry, Bob, and Sue (not their real names for their safety and more importantly, mine) watching the cameras. Made some notes, forgotten umbrella (wasn’t raining), camera glitch, group of 4 drunk men, person in hoodie doing the drug addict lean (you know the one). The camera glitch was expected, an extension to the rail line was recently completed which included a very long tunnel through a hill side, which about the middle of it was so deep that the cameras would cut out for about 2-3 seconds. It was actually pretty amazing that we got any signal from the trains in the tunnel at all. The wonders of signal boosters. But something about that night caught my attention. I didn’t know what it was at first, just felt something was off. I ignored it that night because at 3 am, everything feels weird. At the end of the shift, about 930am I made my report for the night, handed the desk over to Bill (again, not their real name) and went home on the same train system I monitored.
But the feeling was still in my head. Something happened on the train that night that I wasn’t consciously aware of. I ignored it still, drank my favorite cheap whiskey and went to bed. The feeling stayed with me the next few days. That damned feeling that you know something isn’t right but you can’t figure out. It’s like when you accidently put your phone in a different pocket than normal. So finally on Monday night (you have no idea how busy security monitors get on weekends) when my trains were in the depot getting cleaned I brought up the Thursday night footage and scrolled through it. Same things I made note of were there but the feeling was still there. So I went through it again. And again. The fifth time through I finally found it.
On the third wagon, almost in the blindspot between the cameras, at 2:58am was a regular person just playing a game on their phone. The camera glitched for 2 seconds, and they were gone. I though maybe they just moved completely into the blindspot but no, they were gone. Didn’t get off the train, didn’t reappear. I checked the entire recording of the night. I had no idea what to do. I should have told someone, or made a report, or anything. Instead, I told myself that was really weird and kept doing my thing. Flying under the radar, trying to be mostly invisible.
Two weeks later on Monday night, I saw it again. The camera glitch, and someone disappearing. I scrolled back the footage to make sure. Again, I did nothing. This time telling myself it was just shadows on the lense or the plastic bubble around the camera was dirty. But you know what they say; once is odd, twice is a coincidence, thrice is a pattern. The third time I did something. I made a report. Yeah, real brave i know. Making a comment about “shadows on the lense after tunnel glitch” on my daily report. But that night I started looking into missing people cases. Larry asked what I was doing, I said reading the news while my train was getting cleaned. Better than Bob, who was usually watching youtube and/or playing games on his phone while his train was still making rounds.
Anyways, I found some leads. 3 missing people, last seen heading to the public commuter train before disappearing. But there were more, so many more. Dozens over the past several years, all last seen heading into the area above the new tunnel. Unsurprisingly, they had all been alone at the time.
I won’t go into detail about how this troubled me for nearly a year. Just know that eventually curiosity got its way. On a night off I got my jacket and went out to a train station. Late spring night, a bit colder than prefered, 2am train. The last circuit before this train would make for the depot for maintenance. And I was on it. It would take nearly an hour to reach the tunnel and I was scared but I had to know. Like all those times you watch or read some horror and the character starts reaching for the obviously dangerous thing, you mock them endlessly but I understood now. Fear of the unknown is strong and just seeing what is obviously evil will help you put it out of your mind. But I knew the rules. Be ready to run, have two exits planned, don’t look back.
I sat near the door because I didn’t want to stand the whole time. And when the train finally barreled into the tunnel I started to regret my choice. It was nearly a mile long and just enough room for the train and a very brave worker on each side. I watched my watch 2:59am and ticking closer to 3am. Tick, tick, tick. Who knew a twenty year old analog watch could be so ominous? But then my watch stopped. I looked out the windows and the train had stopped. Not rolled to a stop like trains need to do, just complete dead stop and I didn’t notice. But the lights on the walls were stretched out, the effect that you can only see when you’re moving past them really fast in the dark. My first thought, being a sci-fi fan was that time stopped, yet I moved.
Then I heard a scream and footsteps at the end of the train behind me. I thought about the rules of survival I made and then thought about time being stopped, would the doors open? WOuld I be safe jumping from the train? I’ve seen what happens when someone gets clipped by a train (one of the reasons I had to speak to police) and it’s messy. I heard another scream, desperate and afraid, then the sound of someone tumbling to the floor and something scratching over the floor. A phone bounced off my foot and spun to a stop in front of me. I looked down at it as the screams behind mean grew more horrified and pained. I dared a look at the window to see the reflection of what was happening. And the best I can say is smoke pouring over someone but it was completely shredding the person like a blender but not making a noise and vacuuming up the shreds. Some mental fortitude I didn’t know about kept me from puking and stock still. The screams eventually came to a wet gurgling end and in the reflection I saw a pair of lights flick on in the smoke. Looking back they were eyes but in the moment they were two neon blue lights looking at the window, then making eye contact with me in the reflection. I held my breath.
The smoke soundlessly glided up the aisle and I kept still, not moving at all, keeping my eyes exactly were they were focused before. It drifted closer and closer to me and by god I wanted to cry. It hovered there letting me catch a scent and I want to say it smelled like something burning, or like rot and death, or anything bad. But it was worse, so much worse. It smelled like cooked pork, lightly burnt. It hovered for what felt like hours beside me, I was desperate for air, my eyes were burning from not blinking and those neon lights were staring into my soul. Then the train wobbled as it passed a bend. I have no idea when the thing disappeared or when time resumed, felt like I blacked out for a moment but I know that's not what it was.
I sat there in my seat blinking and breathing deeply to recover. And then I looked down. The phone was still on the floor near my feet. I left it there but I kept staring at it, like when you notice broken glass on the ground and focus on it so you can avoid stepping in it. At the next station i got off the train and went to an always open fast food place. I got a coffee and started writing this. It would be two hours until a train back towards my apartment, one that takes the old long route around the tunnel.
I didn't sleep that day. How could I after watching someone get shredded and devoured? So I sat at my PC and wandered through my games library all day. Think I fell asleep a couple times for maybe an hour. Next night I went to work like normal, focused on my usual behavior. But after two hours I was called into my supervisor's office.
It was relatively normal, they check in with night shift people every few months to make sure we're doing okay. See if we want to change to day shift for mental health. Was all normal until he put his clipboard down and off to the side. He took a deep breath and looked at me, like really looked. That deep penetrating look when someone can see through your lies.
“You saw it.” He said. Three simple words that felt like he was telling me I had a fatal incurable illness. I just nodded. “You have two choices now. Like all of us that know. Either you leave and find a new job and never speak of the incident because you will be a suspect in the disappearance; or you keep doing your job as you always have but with a raise to ignore the camera glitches.” I sat for a while assuming I had to make a choice then and there.
That conversation has been burned into my brain. I still remember it verbatim. And I wish I could say I made the morally correct choice. But I'm an underachieving coward always looking to take the easy path. So I still watch the cameras through the night, but with some extra money to ignore the occasional camera glitch on the extension. I found out accidentally that Larry and Sue also knew about the incidents and made the same choice I did. And we all knew the same amount of nothing and we prefer it that way.
So that's why I'm putting this out there. Maybe someday someone better than me can figure this out.
I still can't eat pork.

Me (30) and my bestfriend Mary (31) have been friends for 8 years, during this friendship, Mary was aware that cheating on a relationship is a big no-no for me (as all decent people should). Even when I find out celebrities, colleagues or even people I don't know break up because of cheating, I get this bitter taste in my mouth. It's all because, all my life, my dad is a serial cheater and even now even after 34 years - he still is. It started when Mary and I worked together on a cruise ship for the first time in our years of working on different contracts - we finally got the same ship and same contract dates. She is already engaged by this time and will be married in a few months, so almost all the preparations are done. And since we are on a cruise ship and far away from our country, Mary and her fiance Mark (36) are on a long distance relationship. I can only imagine planning a wedding apart from your partner. I know it's been hard on her. Over the course of our 6 month contract together, she developed a lot of guy friends within the crew (people who work onboard the ship) since there are more guys who hangout on crew bars at night after our shift. I on the other hand don't drink so I just sleep early since I work 11 hrs a day everyday. Oftentimes, she goes back to our cabin drunk or sometimes with her new friends in the middle of the night, sometimes it will wake me, sometimes not, which being a crew member for a few years living with different kinds of roommates, i am used to it.
But one night, I cannot fall asleep because my partner and I had a fight and I was waiting for him to reply, i heard someone open the door and I heard a man's voice snickering(obviously trying to not make a noise) and Mary's shushing noise followed him. For context we live on a cabin with a bunk bed and I'm top bunk and I have curtains for privacy. Obviously they won't be able to tell if i'm awake or not. I then heard kissing noises and felt movements soon after - they were doing the deed. My gut fell and I wanted to be a mean nosy bitch and go down and ask them what they think they are doing but I just stopped myself, telling myself it's none of my business and that I can deal with her tomorrow.
The next day came and I talked to her - to cut the story short, she's been feeling sad and she's having cold feet. She felt loved and seen by this "guy" and when they talk he just makes her feel everything she will be giving up when she gets married. For context again, Mark is her first boyfriend and they'd been together for 10 years. She just feels that she has been missing out being with him for so long and said she "wanted to try some new things". I argued with her, that if this was the case, she should break up with Mark instead of sleeping around and cheating. I told her that if she gets married with these thoughts in her head, she would end up hurting Mark (plus there's no divorce in our country, only an annulment and it's hell to pay - not that it's an excuse just a sidenote haha). She said she would think about it and wait for the right time, but apparently - her thinking about it means she'll still sleep around with this guy.
I hate every bit of it, but she asked me not to say anything and to not ruin anything I am not a part of. I've known this guy as much as I know her, Mark, my boyfriend and I bond on music and biking and he is practically like a big brother to me. But, I also want to respect Mary's life and her decisions. I continue to be there for her, on her mental breakdowns and her bad days when she feels really bad with the things she has been doing. I advise her to do the right thing and tell him. But ishe asked me to promise not to tell, inside I feel so bad, because this is not what my convictions are telling me. I know I have to be honest and I feel that I'm betraying Mark by not telling him. And in a weird way, i feel that the trauma I had growing up with a father that cheats, now with a bestfriend who does the same thing is taking a toll on me. I actually got so anxious with this situation that I often zone-out, had no appetite and I actually lost a lot of weight.
Our contracts pass and we're about to go home in a few weeks and she's still sleeping with the guy and some others, still "thinking about it", still not letting go of Mark and still going through with the wedding preps. And she still begs me not to say anything. I cannot tell you how many times I drafted a message on my notepad composing what I will tell Mark. There were also times Mark messaged me and asked me why Mary seems so distant lately. The urge to say the truth is really hard to supress but because I love Mary so much I try to be understanding and wanted her to tell it directly to him so as not to humiliate their 10 year relationship.
Fast forward, I came home a week before her. Being back to the Philippines and seeing my mom waiting for me in the airport - so beautiful and kind and yet knowing how much she feels unloved by my dad made me snap. On that day I came home I sent a whatsapp message to Mary, "I'm telling Mark" and turned off my phone. I met up with Mark that same night and told him everything. He was dumbfounded, he was crying and we spent 5 hours on that coffee shop talking and just him on a roller coaster of anger, sadness and just plain pity on himself really. He really does love her. So much. My boyfriend and I took him home. He was just staring into space on the car ride home and I feel so bad and i had this lingering feeling that I know i did the right thing but i also caused pain.
When I woke up and turned on my phone I had a hundred of texts, missed calls and even emails saying that i answer the phone, that i'm an ungrateful friend, a backstabber, i am stupid and that i just wanted to see her fall because I'm jealous of her. She said she was planning to go home and confess to him directly so that she can reason with him to continue with the wedding despite the circumstance. She said that she had never seen this evil side of me and she pity me because there's nothing interesting going on in my life that I had to cause drama in other people's lives.
I felt worse. I haven't replied to her and it has been 3 weeks from then to today as of writing. I deactivated all my socials because i heard from a friend that she has been posting cryptic status online. They called it off and informed everybody on the guest list. I still receive e-mails from her to this day saying 'I hope you are happy' and 'You're not a hero, you're a villain.' Mark had messaged me saying thanks but thats about it. I think he is also off the grid and not talking to anyone. I feel so so bad and the way she reacted to me made me feel that I'm an asshole for telling, so am i?
P.S Sorry for the long story, I'm just really writing the way I feel about it as it is still so fresh.
And if you were able to read this Charlotte, just wanted to let you know that you have a lot of fans from the Philippines. <3 Keep up being such a great youtuber you are such a great company specially at times like this.

Today I had to do the most awful thing and take my old girl cat to be put to sleep. I was never a cat person before she showed up but she converted me, she was always sweet and friendly, even though she was already old and on her way out. I probably kept her around for longer than I should've just because of how great of a friend she was. But she quit eating and drinking and didn't want to move, so I knew it was time. She was friendly to the vet, to everyone all the way to the end, no matter what is going on or how sick she is, she will always lean her little head on your hand, it was the cutest thing, she loved people. Cat haters like to say that cats hate people but she clearly adored humans, at least as much as any dog. I wish I had met her years ago. Whoever left her out there old and alone before she found me had to have been so heartless.
A few weeks ago, another cat showed up on my property, a little fluffy one with boogers all over his face. I took him in and they gave me antibiotics for him, but they didn't work. I called and they said it was just "cat flu" and to wait, but he can barely breathe. He makes grunting noises constantly, it's cute but also breaks my heart. I took him back and they tried to blow me off about it, until a big bump showed up on his nose and blood started coming out. Finally they agreed to do a culture to see what was going on. Today they called and said one of the results had come back as a certain bacteria and they gave me different antibiotics to try to treat it. They are still waiting on the other results if there's anything else going on as far as fungal infections or something like that.
I'm so scared I'm going to lose him, too! He is so adorable and funny. I already say he's my son, I have two human daughters and they have no problem with it haha, they don't like that I have named their adopted brother Booger though. My canine daughter is cool with him too. So I'm hoping to hear some stories of your kittens who were sick like this and got better. If that's allowed. Thanks!
Here's old girl https://imgur.com/k8BADoZ
Here is little cat https://imgur.com/a/ChZfK2J (Edit: his tongue is hanging out a little bit, he usually looks like that!)

(I’m pretty pissed rn so i’m just blabbering and not sure if it will make sense). I (20f) met my friend group that consists of 5. I’ll be giving fake names, Danny, Ivan, Ivory and Daisy. I met them in my second semester of university. This particular “friend” Daisy specifically in the friend group stood out the most since she was the first one I became friends with and got along right away. We started hanging out more with the rest of the group 3rd semester (2nd year fall semester). At that time I was dating my boyfriend (still am) who is abroad right now, so I haven’t seen him for a while. They were aware about him and at that time I was already dealing with a sh*tty roommate, so I was hanging out their dorm constantly. But once 3rd semester came around then we started spending Fridays and Saturdays at Daisy’s dorm. Keep in mind my dorm was a 25 min walk and near a forest and I would get home usually around 12am. Those days we chose to hang out we got high together and it became our norm. Somewhere in late September and Early October I started having really serious issues with my boyfriend and he honestly wasn’t treating me well at that time and I told my friends, because he brought up the plan of marriage and I was hesitant when the group asked me if I really wanted to marry him. Late October I was telling Daisy about it and she told me its best to break things off with him and how she did the same with her ex boyfriend because he was bad for her, and I’m pretty sure she says she misses him (but yeah I kinda forgot). I really didn’t want to breakup with him but I knew I needed to cut him off, so I got home at midnight and called him and broke up with him and instantly regret it. I was already dealing with so much other shit and I almost una****d my self after. But plans didn’t work so I kept my mouth shut. (I’ll get to the point I promise.) Late December I got news that a contract i signed over a year ago with a friend whose father owned a business offered me a job meaning I was going to move to another country. ( I ended up changing the contact for a later year) I would be super close to my boyfriend and I was pretty hesitant since so much had changed and I called my boyfriend who was my ex at that time and told him everything and we talked for a while. Long story short we missed each other a lot and we acknowledged that we both did terrible stuff but in the end if we worked it out together then our relationship could work. We set boundaries and rules for us to follow and we are currently together and I’m really happy right now. I didn’t tell my friends about me getting back with him because I knew they would be upset which I understand. I told Ivory first in late March and I asked for her to be understanding that he changed and she was upset but told me that she’ll always support me and be there for me which I needed to hear. Daisy didn’t find out until 2 weeks before my birthday and Daisy was super pissed at me and ever since she was cold and rude, ending all the convos with the gc that replied to me with periods. Since January I’ve noticed that Daisy would be pretty rude and only think about herself mainly and not the rest of us. There would be some days where I would ask if we can hang out at my place instead and I would always hear the same thing how my place was too far and that it’ll be late when they leave which did annoy me a lot since that was exactly how I went home. I walked back home a lot at midnight, ALONE and high. The 2 times they had came over they all left as a group since Daisy, Ivan and Danny lived in the same building and they would drop off Ivory on the way, while I was the only one who lived the furthest. When we would hang out at Daisy’s place she would ask what we wanted to watch we give ideas and would usually 85% of the time say no to our suggestions and pick the movies she wanted to watch instead. None of us have cars so we rented zipcars and I noticed a while after that when it was only convenient for her and when she was the one who needed groceries then she would text us like the day before or the day and sometimes an hour or so before of whenever she needed to run errands and when we weren’t able too then she would get mad. But when it came to us asking if we can go then she didn’t want too or was low on money which that one i understand. She would get pissed or annoyed a lot at Ivory for being herself sometimes, which honestly imo it pissed me off so much for the way how Daisy was with her. I slowly started distancing myself from the group for a while since I had my own shit going on and I was getting overwhelmed with it. My breaking point was when 2 weeks before my birthday Daisy found out about my boyfriend and went radio silent with me and was ignoring me in the gc and I remember her reposting posts on insta that were targeting me. I sound selfish but I was really looking forward to my birthday, but a week before my birthday I got a call that my mom was in the hospital and I was 12 hours away from her and I was an emotional wreck because I was just hearing she was dying. I didn’t tell my friends about it. I was FaceTiming my boyfriend and crying to him because I felt so alone and needed someone, but I figured celebrating with my friends would kind of help distract me. Since a lot of uni students were doing “peacefully protests”, my campus was shut down and there were many cops on campus and we werent allowed back on campus or else we would get arrested or idk. But the day before my birthday Ivory texted me saying (copied and pasted) “Daisy and Netty would have to walk across campus for it and I asked if there was a way to cancel it still and Dulce said yeah and I was like I don’t want yall to get arrested and then Dulce is being weird and was like “then we’ll cancel it problem solved” and long story short the car has been cancelled”. The plan was that we were going to rent a zipcar and get jack in the box and dutch and then head over to Daisy’s dorm (which i didn’t want and asked if we can maybe do it at my place) and just hang out. But I really didn’t feel like walking 30 minutes back to my dorm (since I couldn’t walk through campus and had to go around). But I’m not sure it just got confusing and in the end everything was canceled and being sad was an understatement. I was really sad about it because it would be my first birthday party with a group of friends who I thought were my actual friends. The day of my birthday and got myself a tiny cake and celebrated by myself in my dorm. Ever since my “amazing” birthday I was just depressed and figured it was time for me to move on to the next chapter of my life. ( I had other problems with my life besides them.) Right before school ended i texted the gc that I was leaving and never coming back and I miss Ivory because she was a really good friend and I miss her a lot.. can’t say much about Daisy because today I posted an instagram story note saying “(uni name) is is greedy and mean just like em. glad im gone” i got sent a letter saying how the school was asking me to pay the remaining medical bill which was like 144$ and idk it just reminded me of the many rude people i came across on my campus. I wasn’t directing it at her until she posted her own insta note and it said “ that’s so crazy, not my fault your delusional” which i know was directed at me. I want to text her and call her out for her the stuff she had done and tell her to grow up. But I’m not sure if I should just block her and move on. I kind of need closure and advice on how to handle the situation.

I feel like I have to start from the beginning....again
Trigger Warning mention about suicide. Self harm and ideation. Domestic and emotional abuse.
Long post alert
I'm sorry if this isn't isn't right sub for this. But I've been watching vids on YouTube about surviving the abuse. And it's been triggering? Even though I thought I was over this. But I keep getting flashbacks AGAIN lately.
For some back story,
I'm 29F got together with this man not long after highschool. Turning 19. He was 7 years older than me. Looking back I feel he may have preyed on me since I was friends with his brother in highschool. I have complex ptsd and major depressive disorder. Generalized anxiety disorder.
Its been a little less than 2 years since i left. He technically broke up first with me but i was like well if you feel that way than imma go. I was miserable and over his shit by that point. Felt trapped. So i took that as my sign as im free. Cause he can't be upset with me if he ends it, right? I saw the opportunity and ran with it.
Didnt say a damn thing while I packed. Sulked on the bed instead. I even talked with his daughter who was 15 at the time, had the talk with her how me and her dad weren't gonna work out. Reassured her that it was not her fault and i would love to still remain in her life. She was the only daughter i ever had. Was involved in her life for 4 years. He didnt wanna join the discussion so i did what needed to be done for his daughters sake. I sadly passed her each time going out the door to put my things in the car. She was in the living room. So upward I go to my mom's, I called her and she had no hesitation when I asked to come home.
Once I get to my parents, he starts blowing me up. Spam messaging and calling and I told him I needed time to think. "We'd been together almost 9 years and your gone all day and send me a long breakup text after you finally get home and I'm in the shower. This is literally what you asked for, and youre broken up about it? How do you think i feel" Were my thoughts
I came back the next day cause he threatened suicide and i was genuinely scared. Called police. Told him i think well be ok if you get some help and stayed for a month or so when he just got worse. I didnt know at the time he relapsed. His emotional abuse and trying to control me grew errily intense from what i was used to. Was saying I was starting an argument anytime I was trying ti communicate because he would just not.
Throughout our time together, at least living together, He'd go from saying and doing things like
"These are the conversations that are gonna make me put a bullet in my head" Getting angry at something so miniscule and breaking things like he always did, it had just extremely escalated to him trashing the apartment. Timing how long I'd be out at the store or at a work meeting. Didn't work and took full advantage of the stimulus checks and 600 unemployment every week during covid, which he spent on everything but rent. Which later down the road is why our landlords sued us.
I almost got 2 jobs. I nickled and dimed every mf thing to make ends meet. Living paycheck to paycheck. While he's gloating about what he just ordered. Than stressing about how he has no money for rent the next week. He ran my PayPal into debt and almost fucked my credit up. With his spending and the fact that we were being sued. I had to pay for everything. I saved his ass so many times. For almost a fkn decade. I kept saying if I help him he'll be caught up right? But than he'd run his debt in again. He sucked every pen y put of ALMOST all my inheritance money. Talking thousands.
He'd constantly complain about the car I bought him in full. We couldn't drive my car around because it was embarrassing for a women to drive her man around. I always had to be with him when he was doing whatever. Couldn't have any me time. He'd get upset at me gaming and streaming for 2 hours while he'd be at the gym for 4 hours.
Always put me down. Disencouraged any self care routines I'd try cause they'd take too long. Genuinely got pissed at me if I was falling asleep before he did. Give me a hard time if I didn't get the right brand items at the store or even groceries.
Nothing I did was right or enough. Over 100k wasn't enough money. No amount of hours I worked were enough to escape his rath. Nothing I did was fast enough. I used to tell him my life wasn't the drivethru timing at my old job. At some point I just gave up fighting him on it.
He sucked the life outta me. My optimism I'd always have and encouraged him with was gone. This was the life I was meant to live I'd think. I was planning a suicide and self harming shortly after my return back to him. Which was about a month later. I was convinced everyoned wanted me dead. I was just a tool. Only good for money, errands, chores, and BJs. I was just an object to him. Nothing more and much less.
I left again end of october 2022 when i thought he was cheating. He hid my stuff in the closet when a girl came over. Always said he was lusting over other women. Always showed me pics of men and women and would ask me if id fuck them. Said it was ok to find people attractive.
Got to the last straw, left, and didnt look back. Not until i got to my parents did i realize he was emotionally abusive. I stayed ferm on my boundaries. He commited suicide less than 2 months after i left. Blamed me in his note, which was a rewritten version of another he left at the house after the first time i left.
Blaming me and giving me one last fuck you was more important to him to stay in his daughters life. He abandoned his siblings. I felt such a fucked up irony at the time cause it was alnost me. Now i dont feel guilty cause I know it's not my fault. saddly if he was still alive id be in such fear of my life. I was debating filing a restraining order the morning we found him.
The beginning of our relationship was extremely hard to handle. Probably the most difficult before we moved in together. I may have even dissociatrd through most of it? Im not sure how i survived while trying to take care of him. He was also homeless . He was occastionally physical like pushing. He threatened to kill me after hitting me once. But at thr time it happened i blamed myself cause he held everything over my head and i thought i deserved it. I blamed it on his drug use and drinking. I also hit him forst for saying harsh diragitory things to me. He was arrested the next day for breaking into a cops house. That night didnt exist to him and was denied anytime I brought it up(except the day after he broke down and apologized) he was always the victim.
Those early years before we moved in together are still hard to resinate with.
Why are his words in my voice in my head still? After all this time and therapy since his death. Its almost like im controlling myself thr way hed control me? I thougt ive come to terms with the emotional abuse and his death. Multiple times already. I even spread his ashes for fucks sake. And yet his energy still lingers. Not as bad as before granted. But my god man go tf away!
Maybe i repressed the physical occasions? And thr financial abuse? Again I was with him for 9 years. Lived with him for about 5-6 give or take.
Idk Why all this still haunts me? Idk How long it'll take until I find myself again, I thought I already have! Hes just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my trauma and i keep feeling like im back at square one.
I don't feel anxious or depressed even typing this. I just feel so lost. In the wrong world. Like im not cut out for life cause i have too much trauma. Too much baggage. Its too much too vent often to the people in my life now as i go through IOP. I don't wanna be in survival mode forever. Thanks for reading. Any advice is appreciated

Hey everyone, firstly I wanna say thank you for the support I'm getting talking about all this. I've mentioned it already but it really does help me feel less crazy just being able to dump this all on someone and not feel like I'm going to have to go to a mental hospital or something. I also meant to post this update earlier today, but my internet was acting strange and would let me do anything with it all day. Finally was able to post using the internet at work and I hope a few things that happened in this story will explain some stuff, or maybe just raise more questions. Who knows at this point.
One thing that's helped besides trauma dumping here is a friend I have here asked me to a lake nearby to hang out for Memorial Day. Of course with everything going on here, I was more than happy to accept. If not just to get away for a while. We had a great day, beers, swimming, finally seeing some people I knew were real again. The whole past weekend or so has been a lot and some sense of normalcy really helped my nerves. It still all weighed on the back of my mind though. The man with the box, the key, the screams and knocking. Especially Macy. Maybe some part of me just wanted to brush off our last weird text interaction and see her again. Maybe some part, I'd say the bigger part, just wanted to figure out if she's related to this somehow.
When I got back last night, it was the same as always. Not a single person around. Again I wanna be clear, there's a ton of cars in the parking lot, like to the point I have trouble finding a spot close to my building door. And obviously I've seen the man with the box and Macy, so I know there's definitely people that live here. But nobody around, except them of course. I guess this time it could've just been the fact I got home late. Still... it gives me chills the deeper I think about it.
I made my way up the stairs to my apartment, the echoing of my footsteps through the stairwell emphasizing to me just how alone I was. Back inside, I unconsciously threw my own keys on my counter right next to the key from before and it really all came flooding back. But I'm trying to stay level headed. Regardless, to try to keep it from sending me over the edge, I slid it away from mine and haphazardly threw a notebook nearby on top of it to block it from view. I went out to my balcony and lit a cigarette. What I had initially thought was going to be the end to the night.
Leaning on the railing, I let the nicotine calm me back down. Across the street I noticed house lights here and there shutting off, other folks calling it a night too as the holiday came to an end. As I finished and put it out in the, admittedly overly full ashtray, I noticed the mark on the small rug I placed out there from the coffee Macy spilled. I got it right after the box incident to cover the scratches from that in the concrete. The stain was right where the scratches would've been and I had a strange thought. I whipped out my phone and fumbled to turn the flashlight on. Once it was, I lifted the rug and shined the concrete underneath. The scratches were completely gone as if they, or even the box, had never been there.
As I stared in confusion, I got a text message. My heart skipped a beat and I dropped both the rug and my phone, luckily not losing it off the balcony. I snapped myself back to reality and picked it back up to check. It was Macy. After about a full minute of contemplation, I opened it.
"Hey I saw you get home," she had written. How? How on earth did she see me get home? I'm hyper vigilant for anyone, anyone at all I can see whenever coming or going given the circumstances, and I definitely didn't see her anywhere. The more rational part of my brain reminded me she came to my apartment, I hadn't any idea which one she lived in so maybe her window faced the parking lot and she had seen me that way. Even that though, what are the chances she would see me get back right when I did and text so soon after unless she had been watching for me already? I didn't know if that was flattering or another thing I should be worried about. On top of that, her last other text I could still see right above this one made me more sure that something was going on.
I immediately went into investigation mode. "Oh hey, yea lol I've been out with a friend all day," I replied. My whole goal now was to try to seem casual and see if I could pull something out of her to figure out just what the hell is happening here. I wasn't going to ask her about the last text, I certainly wasn't going to bring up the screaming or knocking. I had to navigate this carefully.
"Oh fun! How was it?" This is getting even stranger, she seemed more casual than I was actively trying to be. Granted I barely knew this girl, this didn't sound like the one I met. But I'm not stopping here.
"It was fun yea, I'm a bit exhausted haha," I tried not to leave it open for her to actually have a reason to come over. I was actually tired, but now I wanted answers and wasn't looking to have anymore weird incidences right now. Despite not wanting any though, I'm sure you can tell I wouldn't be writing this if they didn't happen.
"Good!" another out of character response.
As chill as possible, I replied, "So how was your day? Anything interesting?" Doing my best to pry at some sort of evidence or answers or something. I regret sending it now, what she said next just made me more worried. I should've just ignored my phone and went to bed.
"Yea I met a really nice guy in the building, he's cool we should all hang out sometime" I know exactly who she's talking about, I'm sure you know exactly who she's talking about. Now I couldn't stop myself.
"Did he give you anything?" Dammit. I hit send before thinking. That was definitely too much and too abrupt. At best I sound like a weirdo or like I was about to get jealous. At worse I was gonna get the answer I didn't want. The answer I expected as badly as I didn't want to.
"Lol yea actually how'd you know? He left a box with a really nice note sometime after he left. It's supposed to be a gift, but I don't really get it." I should've ended the conversation right there and just come up with a reason in the morning why. But I felt like the puzzle pieces were close to fitting together. Unfortunately, I was right.
I felt I was getting obsessed. "Really? So you opened it?"
"Yea there was like an old jewelry box inside, I think he forgot the key though, it's locked" I knew what would open it. I slowly looked to the spot on the counter where the key was. Still covered by the notebook. I went over to it and placed my hand on the notebook. When I did though I was jump scared again by the slam of a door. Rather, not a door slamming shut but the way it sounds when someone opens it hard and it bangs into the wall. Clearly coming from the hallway. Then another, then another. I heard this over and over again getting further and further away until finally it stopped. I wish I never walked out to investigate but like I said, I was obsessed now and just had to know. I cautiously, quietly as possible, opened my door and peered out.
Every single door down to the opposite end of the hall was wide open. I'd like to say I was relieved, finally seeing some sign of the other apartments being occupied. But because every one, at least that I could see, was pitch black inside, it still wasn't evidence per se. Until I started seeing hands.
Out of the next door apartment, almost coyly, someone's hand slowly stuck out and started waving. I started walking towards it. Looking back now it was like I was in a trance. I just had to see. I had to see what was in the apartment. As soon as I got close enough to actually try to see inside proper, the hand yanked back inside and the door slammed back shut, immediately followed by a quick series of angry knocks from the other side of the door. Then I noticed another hand coming out of the next apartment. Waving.
Picking up my pace now, I walked towards this apartment door. But the same thing happened before I got close enough. The door slammed shut and a quick set of the same aggressive knocks followed. This process repeated over and over the same way all the way down the hall as I kept walking faster until I was jogging. I had to see inside one of these apartments. But every time. Hand. Wave. Slam. Knocks.
That happened until I reached the end of the hall, where noticeably, no hand came out of the last apartment. I stopped in my tracks. Anxiously I started towards this last door. It was pitch black like the rest, but in the doorway, someone was standing there. It was Macy.
She was facing into the apartment away from me and she seemed off. Not the way she was acting, I mean obviously pulling a Blair Witch in the doorway was off, don't get me wrong. I mean there was something off about the way she looked. She looked taller...her hands looked bigger...her shoulders looked broader. "M-Macy?" I tried to get her attention. She slowly turned around and I noticed her looked different too. Bigger like the rest of the things that seemed off about her now, but I recognized those eyes. I couldn't forget those eyes if I wanted to. Ever since I saw them in the parking lot. Ever since I saw them from balcony. And there they were again, just staring again.
Macy began a slow smile. Wider and wider until she looked even stranger than she already did. I started backing away. She stepped out and turned. Now standing still in the hallway with the same expression and strange features. She didn't follow me but I didn't dare take my eyes away off her until I got to the other end of the hall and to my apartment. Still looking at her standing like a statue, I patted around my door until I found the handle. Slipping inside as quick as possible, I locked the door. The screaming started again.
I could tell where it was coming from exactly now though. It was coming from down the hall where I left Macy. And it was getting closer. Slowly but surely making its way to my end of the hall. I grabbed my gun, terrified at what might come next. Louder and louder, I heard this blood curdling scream until it was right outside my door. I raised my gun, but just as suddenly as it started, it completely stopped. Next thing I heard was my phone vibrate. Still watching for what might happen at the door, I checked my phone. It was Macy...
"Wanna open it?"
I didn't even think about texting her back. I stayed up for a long long time the rest of the night, but that text seemed to top off the night's events as nothing else happened. The day at the lake and then everything I had just been through had me wiped out and eventually I couldn't stay awake. I the time I was awake I was too freaked to write any update, so that's what I'm doing now while the memory is still fresh. I ended up taking a double and letting my evening shift run into a night shift. Hopefully, I'll get some ideas on what to do next after I spend a night or two away from that place.

For those who'd like to share, what is your sex life like since TTC?
We've been trying for 2 years now and I feel like it's continued to go downhill. In the beginning of ttc, it was exciting.. like when ovulation week came we were kind of pumped up - I'd maybe put on something sexy, make sure my legs were shaved, try some new things lol, ect. And then over time, it just became almost like something that just needs to be done. The past 6 months especially since doing IUI, it's been very regimented. We have sex when we are told to have sex. Going in for the iui? - We clean out the pipes beforehand. Just had the iui? - Have sex a couple times like the doc said. Then we're good until the next month. I honestly cannot remember the last time we had sex just because 'the mood striked'. That sounds so sad. I blamed it on ttc for a while, but now I'm wondering if this is just a big rut were in, and if we'll ever get out and things will go back to normal.
My libido is the lowest its ever been. And honestly I don't think my husband has the highest libido either (he's never admitted that though). I will say, and this probably doesn't help, that we go to bed at completely different times. He has to get up early for work so he goes to bed around 10:30/11, and I don't have to wake up early at all, so I go to sleep around 1. So by the time I get to bed, he's fast asleep. It's not like we're having pillow talk before bed and have the opportunity to start getting handsy. It's like it doesn't happen unless it's planned by the doctor.
How did we get here? Is this normal? I feel like sex has become linked to 'work' for us now instead of something we do for fun. I've heard before that ttc can hurt your sex life, but I feel like I blinked and then we were here. To be honest, I have zero desire to. But my husband doesn't initiate either, which doesn't make me feel wanted. I just worry this is hurting our relationship, and worry it won't go back to the way it was before.
Can anyone else relate?

Whenever Dentists see my mouth, they say that there is still enough saliva.
The truth is though, that I am waking up every three hours in bed when I’m trying to sleep and throughout the day, my mouth is very dry no matter how much water I drink.
My question to you is —
If you are SS positive, did your mouth go from less dry to extremely dry? Or was it always extremely dry from Day 1, when you were diagnosed.
And if it was gradual, how many months did it take before it went to extremely dry?

I think my only option is to completely resign as a stepparent. I desperately need advice about sustaining a marriage with polar opposite parenting styles, & how to deal with teenage boys with no manners or basic hygiene.
There is a lot of background here I will try to keep as to-the-point as possible. I am 34 with a 10 year-old daughter. My husband is 39 with a 15 year-old son. We each had kids at 23. We are 5 years apart, as are our kids. We were also friends for 5 years before “courting” & built a strong bond of trust already, so yes, we courted. I had rejected him a few times over the years, as I was abstinent after a toxic relationship & did not want to repeat the same patterns. Over the covid lockdowns, we started talking, texting, facetiming more than ever. When he asked me out again, I told him I was not interested in dating without the ultimate goal of marriage, to which he said, “Good. I don’t want a girlfriend, I want a wife.” 3 months later, we became engaged & our marriage is truly amazing & fulfilling in so nearly every way except one - my daughter & I, some of the most playful & outgoing outdoorsy girls you could meet, have no idea how to connect to his son. And there is nothing to make me think it is worth even trying anymore.
Miraculously, husband & I both get along extremely well with our co-parents. I could not see myself with someone that doesn’t. Neither of us have court orders or child support or rigid schedules. My daughter’s bio dad is one of my best friends, & I made very clear that a relationship with me means respecting his role. He said the same of his son’s bio mom. I come from a very blended family in which this is the ideal. My parents were at each other’s weddings & all get along & still get together. Our own coparents attended our wedding a year & a half ago. And that meant the absolute world to me & hopefully if not now, someday our kids.
For sure, my husband could not be a better stepfather. He & my daughter share inside jokes & their own games & pranks. She has her own nickname for him & will run to him & hug & climb all over him. They convinced me to add baby goats to our homestead, & have been tending to & bottle-feeding them both, a beautiful connection & commitment to share. He says, “She makes it easy.” And to put it lightly, his son does not - but I am absolutely not allowed to talk about it without getting ridiculed.
I first met the son when he was 13. Overweight, awkward, all of his hair in front of his eyes. He then retreated to his room. I know him to be the exact same now. He is 6’0 & I think over 200lbs, larger than my dad. He defaults to locking himself in his room. Unless asked to help stack wood or play a game with the rest of us, he only emerges to use the bathroom (in which he never brushes his teeth or washes his hands), or ask his dad for food - of which, he literally only eats yellow rice & chicken. He will otherwise smash an entire bag of “Takis” or flaming hot Cheetos at 10 AM & continuously throughout the day as they are available to him. He plays live multiplayer games from morning often to midnight or 3 AM, with my daughter’s room right next to him, where I blast the fan & AC & ocean sounds to drown him out. Calling this out seemed to be calling stepson out personally, so all I can do is adapt. Daughter thankfully likes it cold.
I have tried to be as soft & supportive in airing my grievances to husband, but they are never taken with grace or accountability. I am not perfect & have definitely been passive aggressive with his reactivity, as he takes my issues as insults rather than something to work on. He casts blame on bio mom or Covid, & now me. “I don’t know what goes on at bio-mom’s house, we moved an hour away & he gets carsick! I’m out of his life!” “It’s because he was stuck inside for 2 years!” “Are you sure you didn’t HEAR him say hi?” “Good news, I’ve been living with him 15 years, never sanitized a doorknob in his life, & I’ve been fine!” “I wouldn’t want to leave my room with you criticizing his every move either!”
Our first night in our new home for example, was a nightmare. My hand lotion moved from the bathroom counter to the back of the toilet - so then into our room immediately. He left the toilet seat open & my razor covered in pubes. He left open bags of chips with crumbs all over the counter. “It’s an adjustment, it’s hard on everyone!” Husband said over & over. This was an understatement, being that my daughter has been raised to ask for anything from snack time to screen time always with “please,” “thank you,” & we eat out of bowls that we put in the sink rather than stack in our room with soda cans & candy wrappers.. I am familiar with the saying, “Living room kids come from healthy families. Bedroom kids do not.” Daughter is a living room kid. Stepson is a bedroom kid. Either way, I had never had personal items used without asking &felt extremely violated by stepson, then upset that husband blamed me for it instead of understanding where I was coming from.
This remains true nearly a year later. My husband has started lashing out while drinking the past few months, accusing me of “HATING” his son, which is extremely hurtful as I do not harbor any hate in my heart for anyone. What I disdain is the way he is raising his son under our shared roof & living spaces, & that he refuses to acknowledge or communicate about it. As things were not greatly improving, I personally had a talk with stepson about basic manners. I said, “When you enter this house without a greeting or making eye contact, it is an insult. It comes off as rude & entitled & I don’t like feeling like a ghost in my own house. This is your house too & I want you to feel comfortable. But you can help me feel more comfortable too.” “Yeah, okay. Sorry.”
I have truly never had a real conversation with this kid. He does say “hi” & “bye” & the occasional “thank you” now. At this point, it is abundantly clear that he does not want me in a step role, & neither does his father, & neither does bio mom. So it seems I have no choice but to let it all go & suffer bad manners & hygiene, silence, & now bitter resentment from husband.
What I have observed is that I actually“coparent” with my daughter’s father. We coordinate around each other’s schedules, we make decisions together, we communicate about her physical, emotional, spiritual, educational, & social wellbeing. Husband & bio mom do not. They parent in isolation & simply let the other do as they please, which has resulted in a child without manners or discipline. This has led bio mom to put the kid on PROZAC without husband’s consent. This horrified me, as someone who only goes to the doctor for stitches. My daughter’s doctor is the naturopath who midwived her in the bedroom she still sleeps in at her father’s house. I understand not everyone is as holistically minded, but I begged husband to get him to a nutritionist first. The child is obese & malnourished. But too late. Bio mom did as she pleased without communication, which seems constant among them.
I have not shared my views as I know they are not welcome. Bio mom is medicated, her other 10 year-old son (deceased dad) is medicated, & now teenage stepson is as well. Husband blames our distance from him which feels like an indirect blame on me, as we are closer to my community & business as husband works from home. But truly they live in the ghetto, & I have always lived on the coast & barely like to drive through those inner cities. I set up a high school tour for them here which is one of the best schools in the state with a tech program I thought stepson would love, but he chose to stay with his friends, in one of the worst schools of the state. He incredibly won class president, though has dropped a bunch of honors classes & continues failing others.
My birthday was last week. When my husband asked what I wanted, I said baby back ribs & family. I just wanted to grill & chill due to an insane work week. I run a housekeeping business & worked for 24 hours in 3 days opening up for the summer rental season. I did not want to go crazy hosting & knew I would if we invited friends. “Are you sure? You wouldn’t be hosting, I will be! You don’t have to do a thing!” He emphasized over & again. So when a friend ended up visiting from out of state, I was ecstatic to invite her & our mutual close friend to BBQ with us. They are single moms with 4 toddlers between them & wanted to camp on our land.
We had a great day grilling & running the sprinkler & feeding the animals. Husband had promised stepson would be outside with us all day. Toward the evening, I asked where he was. “Do you see any other teenagers out there? What’s he supposed to do?” I was hurt. “Well I don’t see any 10 year-olds either, but [daughter] is still out there, & you actually said he would spend the whole day with us. I just want some time all together.” Husband knocked on his son’s door & said, “Hey it’s her birthday, it’d be nice if you come out & spend some time with us.” Then he did, & even if it was just a quick basketball game with his dad & he introduced himself to no one, it still meant so much to me.
So later when we had helped friends & toddlers set up a tent & fire in our woods, I hugged husband & thanked him for bringing stepson out with us, saying family time was all I wanted. “You two have such a healthy relationship,” my friend says. At the time, it uplifted him & he said he loved this friend to death. A few hours later, he said it was “hilarious.”
We had invited stepson’s mom, but she was out of town. My coparent joined us however, & he & husband stayed at camp with the moms & toddlers while I went to tuck daughter into bed around 9. We played some trivia to unwind, said a prayer, & I kissed her good night & went to start the dishes. Husband & coparent came back around 11 when I was ready to go to bed myself. They were suddenly on a completely different level as my slow & steady beer intake. Both their legs were gashed & covered in blood from their hike without a flashlight, which they thought was hysterical. They were loud & silly like, “You can’t go to bed, it’s your birrrfday!” & I realized, ah. They were drinking my girls’ tequila.
Coparent went on a drunk spiel thanking me so much for all the love I am, how I keep the family together, this & that & showering me with slurred praise. Husband was drunkenly yet enthusiastically agreeing & thanking me, saying I was the best. I tried staying up with them to be polite but they were so deep in conversation on a different level that I went to go make the baby goat formula for their 5AM feeding & go to bed. But I couldn’t find their bottles. I raised my hand with the men, gradually higher & higher to ask husband if he had seen them. “I see you have your hand raised, but hang on, let me finish this point,” coparent said. So husband finally noticed, & I cut in anyway asking if he had seen them. “As a matter of fact, no, YOU fed the goats last so I have no IDEA where they are,” he raised his voice, literally pointing a finger at me.
That suddenly spiraled into another drunken heated accusation of how much I hate his son. I started crying & saying all I wanted was for him to be with us today & that I was grateful he brought him out. He fought me saying they can never have a good weekend because of me, called me an “@$$hole,” & said “F you ,” 3 times in a row, upsetting me so much as there was absolutely nothing I could say, to the point I slugged him in the arm to get him to stop. This has happened twice before embarrassingly with alcohol, when he just yells & yells things that are not true & curses at me that I can’t even respond vocally. “You see how she treats me?!” Both men of course freaked out & coparent started yelling at me to listen to husband. This essentially turned into 2 hours of incessant berating from both of them. They both cried during their own tangents. It spun out of asking for baby goat bottles & continued til 2 AM with, for the first time, continual threats of divorce.
“You are not in this relationship & do not need to mediate it,” I told coparent.
“Like it or not, I am! How you treat husband affects all of us! His feelings are VALID & you need to be quiet & listen to him!” he said.
“I’ve heard this all before & it is simply not true! I do not hate stepson & he wants to divorce me because he thinks I do!”
“Emotions cause us to say things we don’t mean, he does not want to divorce you & knows you don’t hate him,” coparent said.
“Oh no, I DEFINITELY believe she hates him. And if I have to spend the last 4 years of his youth with my son being constantly criticized, I will absolutely divorce her!”
“I did not criticize him once today! I never criticize him, I am trying to help us become a functional household!”
And he just went round & round in the same circular aggressions that can only hear themselves. I continually begged for them to stop yelling as daughter’s window was open, the baby goats needed sleep, our rabbits didn’t need that stress. But I got yelled at more for that. “You can’t control passion & you need to sit down & LISTEN to your husband!” Coparent kept insisting. But I had heard it all many times before. I even tried to sleep in the goat pen, trying to settle the poor babies, still hearing the men raise their voices about me, how being critical was just my nature, & then got yelled out of there.
Around midnight, I tried to resign again & go back inside to finish dishes when stepson emerged. “Do you know where Dad is?” “Oh he’s outside, you can probably save him from [daughter’s dad].” He went into the bathroom. So I poked my head out while they continued bashing me & said, “Stepson needs you.” “I’ll be right there.” I went back to the dishes. Stepson comes out of the bathroom. As always, flushes, no faucet (or hand-washing). “He says he’ll be right there sweetie.” No words, back into his bedroom. 10 minutes go by & still no husband as I continue the endless dishes. I poke my head out again. “Did you not hear me? Your son needs you.” “ALL RIGHT!”
Turns out he needed dinner. Despite a huge spread of barbecue & potatoes & corn & pasta & salad & veggies & dips, stepson touched none of it & needed his chicken & yellow rice. So husband literally cooked him dinner at 1230AM, all the while continuing to accuse me of hating him whilst doing so.
Coparent authentically apologized the next morning on the phone. “You screamed at me for HOURS when I was ready for bed to listen to falsities I have heard over & over without ONCE trying to hear me.” He got it. He humbled & admitted specific wrongs & I accepted his apology.
“Sorry” does not seem to mean anything when you throw around the “D” word like that though. Husband pledged to stop drinking. To his credit, 3 days later, he still hasn’t. But when I said, “If you think I am capable of hate, you don’t know me at all,” the best apology he could give me was, “I’m sorry, I don’t think you hate him. But I know you don’t like him.” Then, “I don’t want to divorce you. I feel like I ruined our entire lives in one night.”
I told him that this is going to take more than “sorry” to heal, especially where blame is still cast, & he will have to “show” me. I don’t even know how, through more conscientious parenting? We haven’t slept in the same bed in 3 nights. I haven’t cooked for him, but I still clean after him. We finished some homestead projects in near-silence together.
I think I must resign to being the invisible ghost stepson makes me feel like. Do I have ANY role here but to resign & accept his parenting & continue mine with my daughter alone, while he reaps the benefits of an amazing relationship with her? Isolation parenting just like with stepson’s biomom ? If not for my daughter & our animals & gardens, I would just want to lock myself in a room all day too. But that’s what is so hard for me to get. We have nearly 30 acres & this child is permitted to be a blob on a screen living on empty calories all day & night. I cannot & will not blame a child for anything. I told my husband that when a plant isn’t thriving, you nourish it & improve its environment. He said he didn’t get it. And as deeply as I love him & don’t want to even think about divorce, I have never been so unattracted to him.

I can't believe I'm writing this. But I need some insight cause I find myself getting angry and confused. This is my first reddit post. Please excuse my redditor literacy.
This is the most convoluted story. It is long. But it's a ride.
You've been warned.
(Fake names obviously)
I (20f) have a best friend, Karl (20m) of 4 years. Now I see what you might assume. No. We're close but I'm mainly into women, I currently have a partner and have had a partner 90% of the time they where dating.
Now Karl got with Regina(19f) late 2022, the relationship started off rocky as she said "I only want you" but then kissed her ex, and then couldn't decide who she wanted. But still insisted once she chose Karl, she wanted to stay friends with her ex. Posted pictures when they'd "hang out" where it looked like she was sitting on his lap. But she swore she wasn't. Constantly blocked him after things would happen, then unblocked him, lied, then cried when Karl would find out.
Yes. Infuriating. But here you go. That's how Regina was introduced to our lives.
It took a while but eventually I tried to look past this. I care about Karl, if this was who he loved. We accepted it. Infact made it a point to invite her out to gatherings, made sure to offer her food, offer her drinks, chatting. Making sure she's involved. Gassing her up. Girlie things. (God I'm so desperate for everyone to love me it's a problem.)
Then her friends, ex boyfriend began to follow me, I had hoped this was because of how well I'd done to make friends. But this waa short lived.
Originally I'd just hoped it was banter. I'd chat to them, often sending pictures with Regina in her classes and joking with me.
Unfortunately I have social impairments, Slowly it became clear they where just laughing at me, calling me names but with cutesy emojis. Remember the girls in highschool? The ones thatd pretend to be your friend in class because it was funny? Like that.
So i stopped paying attention, often ignoring them. Unfortunately it only got worse. It got to a point I'd be spammed and have my instagram story replies with slurrs, calling me a pdf. File??? (I was talking to someone 6 years older than me?) Weird references, calling me cringe (I know. I know, worst thing ever right.), picking on my hair, my eyes(strabismus), my clothing. So I folded. Told Karl I wouldn't be dealing with it anymore. I'd blocked them, and asked karl To ask Regina to ask her friends to stop contacting me, I was doing my finishing project in college (uk) to get into university and it was getting to point I couldn't focus. I told him what had been happening, that I didn't know what her problem was. But I am a adult woman and this was bizarre.
Now, that alone. I forgave and in time, forgot. She had allegedly appologized "for them" and didn't know any of that was happening and had no I'll intent and hoped we could still be friends. Okay, sure.
Weird semi important point: she confessed in a groupchat that she used to be a 'chav' I said " you do look like someone who'd have bullied me" Banter. She then posted on her Instagram story (Paraphrased by memory) "When someone says you look like someone who'd have bullied them- but your friend died" I can't remember, but it was along the lines of that kind of 'what the fuck does that even mean'
Upon a later night of drinking, regina was talking to Karl about the ex, Mike. I brang up the fact her ex boyfriend kept liking my photos and was following me Hoping to bond over the fact this guy was weird, common girly bonding
"You know he only follows you so he could make fun of you and how cringe your posts are". She laughs.
The group goes quiet and holy shit I'm embarrassed. I just internalise that and change the subject.
Later I repost a reel of a guy saying something vaugely corresponding to this convosation. Basic premise when someone tells you their friend talks shit about you, then obviously you ask "why do they do that to you" (I know childish but at this point I was starting to really dislike her. My friend had sent it to me, It was late.) When i say She launched, "if you've got a problem talk to me instead of being weird and I'd tell you I was so scared of Mike and he held such a power over me and I just let him chat shit" I'd love to just mention this is after the 2nd time she'd unblocked him to talk to him behind Karl's back. I put up with it. Karl is at this point family. And if this is who he loves. We have to love her too.
This is all important to the point I swear.
Anyway.
My partners (now ex) friend Frank (22) and us fell out. Unimportant to this story but he let me know, Regina and an old very close friend had a groupchat to say very unpleasant things about me in, despite this old friend I never stopped speaking well of. Hoping we'd find eachother again. He'd been scouted when we had fallen out. But respected me enough to tell me. Another confrontation where she is so misunderstood and I'm making a big deal out of nothing and she's never ever had a problem with me.
Okay. Talked to Karl again. He is shocked but takes her word. As I'd kinda expect. Its his girlfriend. He took her to London over my birthday, he didn't want to ruin it. So he gave it up.
Karl throughout this is withdrawing from us. When he's with us it's like the light is gone from his eyes. He's distracted, quiet, doesn't laugh as much. Often tries to slip out of meetups because he'll "only bring you guys down". He's constantly picking up his phone. Constantly messaging. Cancelling plans. He won't talk to us. We where all worried.
Karl few months later calls me for advice. Turns out she kept getting caught in lies about her ex and general behaviours. Ignoring him for days again, threatening to game quit if she doesn't get the attention she wants. It'd all gotten so tiring that he didn't have any attraction to her anymore. He had no sex drive. He dreaded seeing her. But had to constantly message her. He's been feeling like this for months. Karl didn't want to leave her just before her birthday, he felt it cruel. But then it was the anniversary coming up. He didn't want to be responsible. He'd tried gifts, trips, anything just to make her happy. No matter what he did he still felt like nothing was enough. I managed to talk him through. About threatening suicide if someone wants to leave, is indeed abuse. He wasn't himself. How we felt and how we where worried. He got choked up. Not realizing anyone cared. He asked if he should leave. I asked if he was happy. "I can't imagine not having her there." Okay no. Not what I asked. Eventually he confessed He'd never felt lower. I said. Can you see yourself marrying her? No. Infact he said the thourght freaked him out. I said. Well. Why are you with her. Eventually it got to a point He left her. She said she'd been thinking about it. Yay? No 12 hours later he calls me saying its all fixed. Its all okay. How He's a horrible person for doing this to her. How it's him that needs to change. How he will spend a long time making this up to her. You know. I'm a domestic abuse survivor. But I never realized how much hearing that killed abit of my sould. Trying to convince Karl that he's worth anything is like trying to convince a deaf non signing American Conservative that the gays aren't trying to make him gay too.
They do eventually a few months later split. She says she wants to breakup as he "doesn't love her the way she wants him to" he is hurt but says okay. She then obviously realizes hey, he isn't gonna start begging on his knees. You can only hurt someone so much. She then asks "breakup sex" directly after and to this day its our favourite quote. But he says no, she asks for one more night, he says no you just broke up with me? Leave? She complains about not being able to get to the train station. Now. Karl didn't have his licence till a few weeks later. So queue the weirdest car ride with his DAD you've ever heard of. She cried. Hugged him. Begged him to reconsider. Karl officially has realized how disconnected he's become. Nah.
Queue a weird amount of messages ranging between "I'm sorry baby" to "I CANT BELIEVE YOURE GIVING UP ON US" and sexually charged messages, After karl finally blocks her. She begins to call him from various different numbers. Tries to get with his friends. Fails. Still calls him crying for the next 6 months. In which these events happen.
Frank from before. Now it turns out. While we don't have full timeline but either weirdly around the time they broke up they got /very/ close. To the point despite Frank having a partner. She was begging him to sleep with her. But Being weird with it. One minute she wants him. Next she doesn't. Basically, she loves the idea that she could have him. But doesn't want to keep any of them. Frank had a girlfriend. Goddess of a lady. Daisy. Regina proceeded to pick on every little thing to Frank about daisy she could. Always. Physical appearance.
Then. Now I am simply not making this up. after Frank separates himself from this situation. Regina begins to harrass Daisy, With telling Daisy about how much Frank's missing out on not shagging her instead.
And making 6 different instagram accounts to harrass them, and this is where I come in further.
Regina now, after the hate group chooses some last straws she can pull to drag him back. She makes a fake account. Goes to message Frank. With the opener of gossip about me and my partners sex life. I talked to Regina less times than I can Count on one hand.
The main one I'm aware of is "Did you know my partner drinks my names piss" Which I'm not here to kink shame; but this does not happen unfortunately but i still find it beautiful of a statement.
I one day due to some more harassment and more attention than I'm used to.
Decide to private my instagram. It was only for 24 hours in full so I could change some settings and archive some things. Within 15. An account. David, requests to follow. Strange. Cause my account is shadow banned and cannot be shown to non followers. I click. Heavens foretold dear friends. Regina's new boo. Id like to clarify. 2 weeks before Karl was still getting snotty teary calls telling him she misses him. Karl's friends where sending screenshots of Regina trying it on with them then getting snotty when she was rightfully laughed at.
I ask "hi??"
"Hi me and my girlfriend just wanted to stalk how cringe your posts are" I wish I could have been funny and not caught off guard. And shamed them. Oh god. I wish I had. Basically I told him, the gym is waiting. She will chew you up. Idk what I did but I'm sorry. Godamn. Leave me be. And they said "It's not that deep lighten up" I am indeed embarrassed.
But they kept mentioning my workplace. I am a bartender, and one day she did come in with a man, they seems very loved up but then again. It certainly wasn't this guy. then said bad things about me infront of a coworker. It was a little satisfying seeing her face fall and hit the table from shame as I was carrying an ice bucket past her. She was already cut off at this point for her antics.
David's best friends memepage now follows me. But has been the first out of 5 accounts not to say anything. I'm sure they think I don't know. David claimed I was lying in my encounter. I do wonder if I could flip the table entirely.
but I also wonder if she's just very mentally unwell. But it's been 1.5 years of this and I'm just abit knackered and pissed off.
I'm 20 feeling like a highschooler. But I'm working for a bipolar diagnosis and I have ADHD, the paranoia. Is driving me up the wall man. Like this woman knows enough of my details and she's spread where I work. She's been to my house. She has clearly gotten multiple people involves historically and despite me trying to apologise, it makes no difference.
If I knew what the issue was, I'd gauge it. But it's not knowing and not being told. But it's reassuring it's not just me. With daisy, I'm wondering if this is historic. Might be vanity? She (used to?) Post alot of ...suggestive photography and always wears a lingerie corset and heavy makeup, filters. Nothing wrong with that of course but she's a very sexually orientated person, and given the contexts to that behaviour. I wonder if its to cover some in depth issues. But that's just a theory. Part of feels hey, if she needs men to tell her that I am ugly, cringe and worth nothing. Then she van have that. The other half makes me want vengeance for the boy, prove that I'm not whatever she'd been making me out to be and make her realize she needs to change. But that's. abit pathetic innit.
Anyway I doubt anyones made it this far and if you have. Thank you for reading my story and the weirdness of it. I hope it hasn't been too shit. Just needed to get it off my chest. And maybe if anyone has anything to say.
TLDR: my best friends ex has always had an issue despite my efforts. Getting various people to harrass and bully me, She tried to get with his friends, other guys we knew and harrassing us all. All while still crying she misses him. Her new bf thinks I'm lying and is joining in, his best friend now follows me too. My partner allegedly drinks my piss <3

“ What do you want to do without his reactions ?

How do you want to do without his reactions ?
Who do you give priority to within your inside ?
Do you give priority to his feelings within your inside ?
Do you give priority to your feelings within your inside ?
It’s so important to watch his actions more than his words for you.
Because his actions have his real feelings and his love more than his words.
What evaluations do you believe about you when he says he doesn’t want to get married ?
Do you feel like you don’t get married to him forever and do you feel your sorrow when he says he doesn’t want to get married ?

Believe your real feelings yourself.

It’s so important to take his love through his actions more than his words for you.

It's so important to shift to have your mind that you're just happy even you get married to him and you don't get married for you.
To find what you learn through him will liberate your inside more from your beliefs, will lead you into more happiness. “
I’m sharing my messages with you through reading two below, because two messages are similar.
I really understand your feelings, because I’ve gone through the feelings as the same with you.
“ I think the “with you” is silent “ from relationship_advice on reddit ( I don’t write the age for protecting your personal information.)
My boyfriend (●M) and I(●F) have been dating for almost a year. Prior to this, we were friends for about 3 years. During this time we discussed our views on marriage, more kids (we both have one from prior relationships), finances and such. Yesterday, I decided to ask if he sees a future with me, as far as marriage. His reply was “I do not believe in marriage but I see a long term relationship. Marriage is man made and we can make our own contract.” I felt blindsided because this was never his view, and I understand people can change.
I feel like it’s my fault because during our friendship and relationship, I was taking on roles that one would consider a wife would do. Maybe this is the reason why he doesn’t see the point in marrying me? I’m not sure, but it hurt. He then goes on to say I’m always a feeling a way..but wtf, how could I not? Has anyone else had to walk away from someone they love because of this? Am I being extra?
『 My boyfriend (●M) and I(●F) have been dating for almost a year. Prior to this, we were friends for about 3 years. During this time we discussed our views on marriage, more kids (we both have one from prior relationships), finances and such.
Yesterday, I decided to ask if he sees a future with me, as far as marriage. His reply was “I do not believe in marriage but I see a long term relationship. Marriage is man made and we can make our own contract.” I felt blindsided because this was never his view, and I understand people can change.
I feel like it’s my fault because during our friendship and relationship, I was taking on roles that one would consider a wife would do. Maybe this is the reason why he doesn’t see the point in marrying me? I’m not sure, but it hurt. 』
【My view】; It’s not your fault and not this reason which you were taking on roles that one would consider a wife would do. I truly understand your feelings that you’re not sure and it hurts, because I’ve also gone through the feelings as the same with you.
『 He then goes on to say I’m always a feeling a way..but wtf, how could I not? Has anyone else had to walk away from someone they love because of this? Am I being extra? 』
【My view】; I think that you are not being extra.
Regarding he then goes on to say you’re always a feeling a way, I guess that he’s always feeling a way. You don’t have to receive his words too much, You should watch his actions more than what he says to you, because his actions have his real feelings he doesn’t express and his love.

What is the most important means “ What do you want to do without his reactions ?

Do you want to get married to him ? “
It’s so important to cherish your feelings and what you really want to do with him for you without his reactions.
I truly understand that you will be feeling you won’t get married to him through his reactions and his words.
If you think that you have the reason you don’t get married to him, it will give you sufferings and sorrow more. That’s not your fault. While you feel like it’s your fault, you will focus the road of differing from love between you and him on your view.
Even when he says that to you, his words are not related to what he doesn’t get married forever.
Regarding you discussed your views on marriage and you asked him about a future with you, maybe he will be thinking about marriage with you, he didn’t escape from discussion about marriage with you even thought his reply was not what you wanted.
As you both have one kid from prior relationships, maybe he won’t have a good image about marriage, but he will be thinking that he wants to keep the relationship between you and him as he sees a long term relationship with you.
Maybe, he won’t be confident about marriage and making you happy with your kids, his images will give the influence more to marriage.
What do you think about marriage ?
Marriage means you put happiness on both you, you make you more happy, he makes you more happy, you make him more happy.
If you want to get marriage to him without his reactions, how to communicate with him and how to take his love through his actions will be necessary for liberating him from fear which he is not confident.
The relationship between you and yourself gives him the influence.
At first, “ What do you want to do without his reactions ?
Do you want to get married to him without his reactions ? “
In my counselling,

• You will get how to communicate with him for giving him confidence.
• You will take his love through his actions rather than his words.
• You will get what to do for keeping to believe your real feelings and what you really want to do with him.
• To find what you learn through him will liberate you more, to fill the relationship between you and yourself with more happiness and freedom and peace will give a change to the relationship between you and him, you will get that.

" My [●F] boyfriend [●M] of 10 years doesn't want to marry me... yet. Should I leave? " from relationship_advice on reddit.
So me [●F] any my boyfriend [●M] have been together pretty much all of our early adult life. We've been living together for the past 5+ years as well. We are each others first girlfriend/boyfriend and are obviously in love with each other. Besides this one thing we're literally perfect for each other, have similar values and hobbies, lots of fun together etc.
He knew from the start that I do want to get married one day, even though I don't want to have children (he's on board with that), but I just love the idea of marriage. He has told me over and over again that he doesn't want to marry me... yet. His reason being that he doesn't have a lot of money right now (we both work and get by quite ok) or that he first wants to finish his bachelor study (which he also has been studying for the past 10 years with currently no end in sight)...etc. I've told him before that it doesn't have to be an expensive wedding and we would obviously be sharing the costs, but each talk about this ends up with either me crying and him comforting me or just him being annoyed. Sometimes he tells me that he doesn't want to get married as it won't change our relationship and there are many couples being happy together for years without ever getting married. Sometimes he promises me that he will definitely marry me one day. I'm tired of waiting yet I also feel like I might be asking for too much? I try to not pressure him at all and we maybe talk about this once or twice a year.
But then I see my friends getting married and get really sad wondering if I'm waiting for something that will never happen... am I wrong for thinking about leaving over this? Or should I just be happy with the relationship as it is and forget about the idea of marriage?
TLDR: Boyfriend gives me confusing answers about my wish to get married. Should I leave or just accept the idea of probably never getting married?
『 So me [●F] any my boyfriend [●M] have been together pretty much all of our early adult life. We've been living together for the past 5+ years as well. We are each others first girlfriend/boyfriend and are obviously in love with each other. Besides this one thing we're literally perfect for each other, have similar values and hobbies, lots of fun together etc.
He knew from the start that I do want to get married one day, even though I don't want to have children (he's on board with that), but I just love the idea of marriage.
He has told me over and over again that he doesn't want to marry me... yet.
His reason being that he doesn't have a lot of money right now (we both work and get by quite ok) or that he first wants to finish his bachelor study (which he also has been studying for the past 10 years with currently no end in sight)...etc.
I've told him before that it doesn't have to be an expensive wedding and we would obviously be sharing the costs, but each talk about this ends up with either me crying and him comforting me or just him being annoyed. 』
【My view】; Probably, for him and his reason that he doesn’t have a lot of money, what you share the costs won’t mean solution he desires. He will have his policy which he has a lot of money and you don’t share the cost, he will want to be confident in himself through having a lot of money without giving you the cost, what he has a lot of money and what he wants to be confident in himself for making you happy will link with one, he doesn’t say that to you or he can’t express his real feelings by his words, so he will be annoyed. But what is the most important means your real feelings,

“ What do you want to do without his reactions ?

How do you want to do for you without his reactions ? “,
What do you feel through his behavior which he’s annoyed ?
What do you believe through his behavior which he’s annoyed ?
Do you feel like you’re disliked through his behavior ?
When you cry regarding that, “ What do you feel ? do you feel like you don’t marry him forever ? Do you believe like you don’t marry him forever ? “
『 Sometimes he tells me that he doesn't want to get married as it won't change our relationship and there are many couples being happy together for years without ever getting married. 』
【My view】; A man tries to maintain the present condition. Probably, he will fear to change your relationship between you and him through marriage.
『 Sometimes he promises me that he will definitely marry me one day. I'm tired of waiting yet I also feel like I might be asking for too much? I try to not pressure him at all and we maybe talk about this once or twice a year. 』
【My view】; Regarding you try to not pressure him at all, Who do you give priority to within your inside ? Do you give priority to him within your inside ? He won’t notice what you do that even if you try to not pressure him at all, maybe such your action will make him lose being confident of making you happy in himself. What is the most important means your real feelings, doesn’t mean his feelings. Do you your best for your happiness ? and do you talk with him for your happiness ? It’s so important that you give priority to your real feelings within your inside for you.
For you, Cherish your real feelings which you want to marry him, so you may talk about this for many years more than once or twice a year, you should talk about your happiness with him more.
Regarding “ Sometimes he promises me that he will definitely marry you one day. “, that has his love through his actions and his behaviors, he will be thinking of your feeling which you want to marry him, his actions are full of his love although it will be not easy to notice his love through his actions and his behaviors more than his words.
He will be doing his best for your happiness, don’t you think that ? Don’t you believe his love ?
『 But then I see my friends getting married and get really sad wondering if I'm waiting for something that will never happen... am I wrong for thinking about leaving over this? Or should I just be happy with the relationship as it is and forget about the idea of marriage? 』
【My view】; Regarding you see your friends getting married and get really sad wondering if you’re waiting for something that will never happen,
Do you want to marry him ? or Do you want to get married ?
Do you consider about marrying him as your purpose ? or Do you consider about getting married as your purpose ?
If you see your friends getting married and you feel worried and you choose marriage, it will be broken, because that means you just want to get married, to marry him is not a purpose.
What is the most important means “ What do you want to feel through marrying him ?
What do you want to do through marrying him ?
What do you want to feel ? after you get married to him.
Do you want to deepen more love between you and him through marriage ? Is that right ?
Regarding you get really sad wondering if you’re waiting for something that will never happen,
You will feel like you won’t marry him forever through his words and his behaviors, “ Do you consider what he doesn’t marry you as he doesn’t marry you forever ? If you consider that and you believe that, you will suffer from your beliefs.
I understand your feelings you feel like his words he doesn’t want to marry you reach your thought which you won’t marry him forever, you feel like that never happen, because I’ve also gone through the feelings as the same with you.
For him, his words which he doesn’t want to marry you don’t reach your thought which you won’t marry him forever. In my counselling, you will find what you learn through him, you will notice the meaning of my words more deeply.
Regarding “ am I wrong for thinking about leaving over this ? Or should I just be happy with the relationship as it is and forget about the idea of marriage ? “ and your tittle “ your boyfriend of 10 years doesn’t want to marry you..yet. Should you leave ? ”,
Do you give priority to him ? What do you want to do without his reactions ?
Do you want to marry him without his reactions ?
What do you want to do with him through marriage ?
Do you want to deepen more love between you and him through marriage ?
If you feel happiness with him and you want to marry him without his reactions, you should cherish your real feelings you want to marry him and you should choose what you want to marry him.
Because to forget about the idea of marriage means you abandon your real feelings which you want to marry him, you restrain your real feelings, you ignore your real feelings.
You follow your real feelings which you want to marry him and you want to be happy more for your happiness, you follow your real feelings more honestly for you, so you can believe in you and him. Giving priority to him within your inside makes you lie to your real feelings which you want to marry him, makes you ignore your real feelings, makes you restrain your real feelings. That means you don’t fill the relationship between you and yourself with happiness and freedom.
It’s so important that you just are happy with the relationship as it is for you and him.
Regarding “ Sometimes he promises me that he will definitely marry me one day”,
That’s his love and his action and his behavior, do you believe him ? That means “ How much do you believe that you deserve to take happiness more through him ? Do you believe in you unconditionally ? Do you believe him as well as you believe in you unconditionally ?
You follow your real feelings more honestly for your happiness, so you can believe in you and him.
If you don’t cherish your real feelings which you want to marry him and you don’t follow your real feelings for your happiness through giving priority to him, you won’t be able to believe in you and him.
You don’t have to give priority to his feelings within your inside. Because you won’t feel happiness while you adjust to his words and you abandon your real feelings which you want to marry him.
While women adjust to men, women can’t be happy.
If you had the opposite situation, “ What would you have felt ? if he had told you that he wanted to marry you but you had told him that you didn’t want to marry him yet, if he had thought to leave you and he had tried to find other person for marriage, what would you have thought ? don’t you dislike that ? “, You try to give him that.
If you face your real feelings you want to marry him and you face him through your honesty, your honesty will inspire him..
Probably, he won’t be confident of making you happy in himself through marriage.
What you do for being confident in himself means

• You take his love through his actions and his behaviors more than his words.
• You tell him what you take his love through his actions and his behaviors.
• You follow your real feelings more honestly for you through your life and him.
• You keep to tell him your real feelings more honestly and what you’re glad and you feel sorrow and you get angry and what makes you happy more.
• You keep to tell him what you want to do with him and you want him to do for your happiness and your joy without his reactions.

What is necessary for doing that means

• You let go your beliefs and your evaluations of restricting unconditional love.
• Love you think is in the outside of love he thinks, you keep to shift your view to the outside of your beliefs and the outside of love you think.
• You keep to believe your real feelings which you want to do with him more honestly without his reactions.
• You accept your real feelings and your existence unconditionally.

In my counselling,

• You need to follow your real feelings more honestly for taking his love through his actions and his behaviors , you need to accept your real feelings and yourself unconditionally for taking his love, so you will get how to take his love and how to tell him your feelings and your happiness and your sorrow and your anger, how to accept yourself unconditionally.
• You will find what you learn through him and your life, to find what you learn through him will reach your understanding about that and my messages.
• To find what you learn through him will help what you believe your real feelings more honestly for you, what you follow your real feelings and you share your real feelings with him.
• You will deepen more love between you and him through sharing your real feelings more honestly with him and taking his love from his actions and his behaviors, being confident of making you happy in himself.

『 TLDR: Boyfriend gives me confusing answers about my wish to get married. Should I leave or just accept the idea of probably never getting married? 』
【My view】; “ What do you want to do without his reactions ? Do you want to marry him without his reactions ? You don’t have to leave and you don’t have to accept the idea of probably never getting married if adjusting to his thoughts makes you lie to your real feelings and abandon your real feelings which you want to marry him.
Probably, he won’t be confident of making you happy in himself.
In my counselling,

• You will get how to communicate with him for being confident of making you happy in himself.
• You will get what you give to yourself and what you say to him for deepening more love between you and him.
• You will notice his love more, to notice his love will help you more happily.
• You will get what you give to yourself for shifting to your mind that you're just happy even you get married to him and you don't get married.

Guidance for getting my counselling
Regarding my counselling
【Pricing plans of E-mail counselling】

• 8,000 Yen per 2 times；You can get my counselling twice about your sufferings and your worries.

1. You talk to me about your sufferings and your worries.
2. I answer about that, I will share with you if I give you your work.
3. You question me more if you have another questions. You talk to me through experiencing your work I give.
4. I answer about that.

• 20,000 Yen per 1 month

1. There’s no limit to the number of times you can get my counselling for a month.

※ It won’t be easy to change your habit of your thoughts and your actions so far for you through once counselling, it will take time to get a new habit and keep to get it for you, so it will take time more than two plans for getting a new habit and keeping to get it in your case.
※ Price, given in Japanese yen, differs depending on exchange rate against your local currency. Make some adjustment, as a result, money you send will be a little over your calculation. Fee for sending money is yours.
I recommend you to use “ Wise ” regarding Procedure of remittance ( sending money ) because fee for sending money is lower rather than others.
For procedure of remittance ( sending money ), you need my mail address and the registration of Wise. Registration fee for Wise has no charge. I’ll send my mail address to your mail address.
After my confirmation of your payment, you can get my counselling of E-mail.
Many people have written you many comments which you should leave, but I have a difference between their views and my view, I advise that you cherish your real feelings you want to marry him and you believe your real feelings and you give priority to your real feelings within your inside for you.
by Orga Mitsuki

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/WanderingWifie
I'm a gaming widow
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest & Marriage
TRIGGER WARNING: addiction, physical violence
Original Post Apr 20, 2024
How is it not me? Help me understand as a gaming widow
My(38f) husband(34m) spent $1800 in 3 months on a mobile game. He recently started purchasing google play cards behind my back so it's not apparent on the bank statement. I caught him because I found it in our truck under the seat. Now he asks for google play cards...except I'm too scared to say no..he's so mean and cold and the walls have holes from it.
I started going to therapy because he's forced us into living almost below paycheck to paycheck. Ofc we've had multiple convos and he knows he may lose me.
I asked my therapist, "How is it not my fault when the kids and me are his life he's trying to escape?" . My therapist kept repeating, "I promise it's not, this is something within him".
I hate her answer.
Can you help me see it from his view? I feel like he doesn't want to be a father to our kids (2m, 7f). Maybe he doesn't want a life with me and can't admit it? Is therapist trying to coddle me? Like is she worried if she says, "WanderingWifie, you are a shit mom. You are a shit partner. You are a shit person. This is your fault because you're a SAHM and he hates living with you in the life you've created together!" That I'll never come back or hurt myself?
He tells me, "at least I'm here. I could be doing (xyz event away from home)after work". At this point I might as well consider him a "cardboard cutout that's glued to the chair". No, really. Our 2yr son got all the way out the door when I was in the backyard letting the dogs out.
I miss my husband so fucking much. We don't go to bed together anymore. He goes to bed at around 130am. I'm never his focus after the kids go to bed. He thinks he's "present" but I doubt he could tell you the plot of any movie or show we've watched lately. He's glued to it for all but maybe 1-2 waking hours...that's me being generous and counting all total points he briefly engages with us. He gets angry when I ask for help putting the kids to bed because it's in the middle of one of his battle raids.
Please please be brutally honest. I don't want to fight for someone to stay in a life they hate.
My MIL is trying to save me from her own son Apr 21, 2024
It just hit me this morning as I sat processing my most recent appointment. It was at her insistence that I saw a therapist that worked closely with women's health. My MIL is the one that briefed the therapist on the situation with her son and his addiction.
My therapist asked, "Does your MIL know how bad the situation at home can get?".
For a moment I didn't answer and the pieces slowly came together as I spoke, "I didn't need to. She saw the holes in the wall and now the shattered glass in the cabinet. I didn't even have a conversation about the cabinet. She texted me after that she was booking me with you and that a wife should never fear her husband. But I never said I was afraid. She knew.."
I cannot imagine how hard this must have been for my MIL; accepting her son is capable of evil and knowing the therapist would guide me into seeing the addiction and abuse wasn't normal, knowing it would leave to me putting plans in place to leave him. She did this knowing the divorce will be nasty and I will have main custody of the kids.
This woman stood up for other woman over her son and I don't know how to begin to thank her.
Edit: info: FIL & MIL grew up in physically abusive households they are not abusive.
My husband is verbally abusive. The concern is it transferring from holes in the walls/smashed glass to my face being met with his fist. For those that don't see holes in walls as warnings....you are blind the way I was...it can turn on a dime, it's a question of when. I had become so used to it preaddiction that it no longer phased me as "not normal". The addiction has ramped his anger issues up. I do not feel safe saying no when he asks to spend money on it.
Edit 2: I promise to continue to update and make posts. It's hard for me to not delete because this addiction...and what it's done...not only is it not talked about (on the rise according to my therapist and WHO has classified it as a disorder similar to gambling) but people that "don't get it" are like "WHAT A LOSER". Please understand this is a 13 year relationship (married for 9 of them) and he was not always like this. I loved the man I married. I do not love this man that has replaced him.
He said something really mean but it's true Apr 27, 2024
"At least I haven't wasted 30K on an education that resulted in nothing".
We've been fighting a lot...mostly about the mobile game addiction. I don't want to get into it here but it's a lot of money and time. My post history talks more about it.
I started crying on the spot when he said it. It was a low blow for many reasons.

1. I tried several different majors in my 20's but bad mental health got in my way and I failed.
   
2. I graduated last summer from a medical trade there are no jobs for.
   
3. I got fired in Jan (2 weeks from the 90 day probation) from my last job and it devastated me because I tried my hardest at it...I guess I'm just garbage at admin work.
   
4. I've been feeling very lost in life and wondering my purpose. Should I go back to my career I had before the kids? I was just a dog groomer...average at best..I tried to break away with a career change but that failed..as you can see.
   

He has tried to apologize but I'm too hurt. I don't feel like I have the right to be mad because what he said is true.
I was supposed to start volunteering at the animal shelter and groom strays for free as per my therapist's hope to "get me out there". Instead, I'm sitting with my daughter watching movies... not wanting to see the light of day.
Update: My MIL is trying to save me from her own son May 22, 2024
Well...It's been over a month... and a lot happened. He blew up my chance to volunteer at the animal shelter. He did not like it when I got strong and said, "I'm not nothing without you; I have rights, you will owe my alimony, half of the house for starters". So he went after the therapist who also mainly runs the shelter... whatever he said made her not respond to my emails or messages. I believe he accused her of purposely ruining a marriage and probably some legal threat from his response. I'm really sad and feel like I can't trust therapists after this...I worry that maybe I'm too damaged... mostly I wonder what was said. I feel freaking abandoned but I don't want to unpack that in this post tbh.
Last night all hell broke loose and I said the words out loud, "I want a seperation- I'm done". I was/am done with doing all the house chores; (laundry, dishes, all & any house cleaning, pet feeding/walking/poop clean up, all the emotional labor of helping 7f with school & teachers, taking on all the finances because he can't be trusted not to spend stupidly & selfishly). I was/am tired of doing all the potty training with 2m and 95% of diapers. I was/am tired of feeling embarassed to let people in the house because of the holes in walls.
I bet you can guess how well it went. New wall holes. Hooray. I went into the laundry room, locked it, and screamed, "No! You don't come in here! This is my safe space. I will fucking call the cops.".
I stayed there for two hours. He kept trying to get me to come out and talk. I said, "I do not feel like we can have a conversation without fighting. " each time. Then I went to bed and pretended to sleep as he got ready for work (omg I was so happy he got called in).
In the morning I texted my mil that it was over and I was leaving at the end of the month. I asked her to make sure he has support during this time...because...I still love him and don't want him to anything dumb. She responded with simply "We (meaning my fil as well) love you ". Omg I cried. I cried because, as a mother myself, I cannot imagine how painful this is for her.
Later on my husband called me. I listened to that canary sing like his life depended on it. He said he would delete the game or not spend anything on it. He said he would create a chore sch with me so I wouldn't be doing everything.
My heart so badly wanted to believe it. I knew I couldn't give in...he needed to feel the gravity of his fuck ups; the almost 3k he spent on a game in 4 months, preventing me from going to therapy, ruining my chance to restart my former career (dog groomer), and just everything.
So that's all for now...I'm sitting here..at midnight...nervous for when he comes home tomorrow (he's gone 12-48 hours at a time for his job).
Ps. My dad is doing his second round of chemo and so far-so good. They did find cancer in his lymph nodes after surgery..so yes it spread but not as bad as it could be. Thank-you to the redditor's that said such kind things.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
OOP when asked why she is still talking to her husband and doesn't take the kids and leave

It's a funny thing. This is someone I've been with for 13 years. The major shift in everything happened 4 months ago when he found the game. It's not so easy when you've been a sahm for 7 years esp in this job market.
I used to say the same thing as you when I heard of people in abusive situations. All I can say is unless you've been in a situation similar you do not and cannot possibly understand.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Background: I have ehlers danlos syndrome, fibromyalgia, POTS
TLDR?: My foot rolled over on itself early Thursday morning, went to urgent care to get an X-ray, claimed no fracture or dislocation. Foot has been gradually getting more swollen and blue bruise color. Went to ER early this morning (Tuesday) because of IMMENSE pain, they refused to admit me saying it wasn't a "true emergency" and refused to even do any kind of imaging study (X-ray, CT, ultrasound). Hospitalist I work with says that's bullshit, they should have admitted me. Earliest orthopedic appointment I could get is Thursday and I'm legitimately concerned now if I should try to go to a different hospital to try to get formally admitted so the surgeons can examine my foot.
So I unwrapped my foot right before settling in for bed (didn't think to take a photo and I don't wanna go through the whole process of unwrapping it now), the foot swelling is worse by about 10-20%, the cyanosis (blue bruise color of my skin) is starting to spread over my entire foot (it's like a very faint shade of blue-purple) and going up my ankle.
When we went to the hospital this morning at about 4am, doctor said "well we aren't going to admit you because this isn't an emergency, emergency, we will give you some pain meds and nausea meds so if you feel ill in your stomach you can take the nausea" despite me clearly saying "can I at least get an ultrasound or CT to check on the soft tissues?" And they refused saying I needed to be formally admitted for this.
The earliest I could get an orthopedist appointment is Thursday morning. It feels like my skin is being stretched painfully thin over my foot where the injury occured (basically I got up too fast from the couch, BP dropped, pots episode, foot rolled over on itself in my effort to self correct).
My boyfriend is really concerned about my foot (he's not one to easily worry) and is worried that I could lose potential sensation or worse case scenerio, possible toe amputation because of how badly swollen things look (as well as the bluish color).
So now I'm laying in bed, with a wrap around my banged up foot and a hot toes/hands in the wrapping to try heat therapy to encourage the muscles and everything to relax.
He flat out said "if you get a lot of pain again tonight, fuck it, we are going to another hospital and demanding you get admitted because this is not okay at all". I work with a hospitalist remotely in another state (been working with this one for about 8 years), explained the foot situation and he texted me "😠 what the fuck if I saw you, I would have absolutely admitted you."
So, what exactly is the next best move? Really hoping I don't wake up in the middle of the night in a lot of pain again, at the same time, I am now legit worried about the condition of my foot and I do not want to risk any life long damage to it or potential amputation of toes due to lack of blood flow because the swelling is so bad right now.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years at this point. We did briefly break up for about a month and a half earlier this year but we both realized we wanted to be with each other. The reason we broke up, was because he ended up losing his job, and he went a week without speaking a word to me. Prior to this, I have noticed communication issues with him. There were multiple occurrences of me trying to get ahold of him without being able to reach him. And usually on days we had plans. He also tends to shut down when he’s having a rough day and it takes me calling him/texting him multiple times just to get a response. I was slowly starting to grow resentful of this. So, when he went a week without speaking to me, I just couldn’t be with him. And, I broke up with him.
I missed him terribly but was also focusing on myself and trying to heal myself from the relationship. Then, he called me 1.5 months later and we talked on the phone for 3 hours. I’m not going to lie, the words got to me. He apologized for the way he handled things. For going that long without speaking to me. He told me we are a team and we can get through anything together. So, I decided to give it another shot. And it was great. For almost 2 months, we were in absolute bliss. Communication was great, we hardly argued, I wasn’t feeling anxious about not hearing from him.
Then, last week, we had an argument. We had made plans to meet up in the city, get lunch and take cute photos throughout the city. It was his idea but I was really looking forward to it because we have never done anything like this. He texted me that morning saying we need to reschedule our time because he needed to take his sister to the ER. I didn’t know the reason why he had to take his sister so I wasn’t sure if it was serious or not. I responded saying “hope everything is okay, keep me updated”. And then I hadn’t heard from him all day. I called him, texted him and nothing asking for an update. He then updates me, 9 hours later that his sister fell and hit her head. I expressed my concern and wished for her speedy recovery. I then asked him to call me when he had chance. He calls, and we talked for about 10 minutes. He said sorry for not saying anything and that his phone was on silent and didn’t want to talk to anyone and that he couldn’t focus on anything else.
I’m not mad that he couldn’t meet up, obviously his sister is injured. It’s the communication. I had to take the day off of work so we could do this. Our work schedules never align because we work opposite schedules so this was the only option. When he was texting me later that night, I never brought up why I felt upset. I just asked him how his sister was doing, he said she’s doing better and I told him I was glad she was better. I’m not gonna lie, I was giving short responses and he sensed it and asked me if I was upset I could tell him. So, I did exactly what he asked. He apologized for wasting my day. Which I appreciated. And this is something I know I should have just let go because he was in an emergency situation, but I ended up expressing my anger. I think I was just so frustrated because this has happened numerous times in the past and he promised me communication would be the one thing he would work on. And, I specifically said this to him too because he asked me to tell him if I was upset. He took is as me being mad we couldn’t meet up and he basically said our plans matter more than his sister being in the hospital. Which, again was not the case.
We got into a pretty heated argument about this. So much miscommunication happened. He wasn’t understanding me and I wasn’t understanding him. I apologized to him about not being more understanding. He then said a few things that really bothered me. He said every time we have gotten into an argument before, he basically loses faith in our dating and his feelings for that person goes down. He also said it was up to me to keep the relationship going. That if I wanted to still date, that he has no problems with it but that our future is not guaranteed. I asked him what he meant by this and he basically said that looking back at the arguments we had, he doesn’t know if he would be able to take it to the next step (talking about marriage and whatnot).
We have gotten into arguments before and yes, it does get mentally draining. But, my feelings for him have never changed. And for him to basically leave it up to me to decide, to say our future isn’t guaranteed really upset me. He’s essentially telling me he will be okay if we break up. I can’t imagine not being with him. I feel afraid almost that if we get into another argument, he’ll say these things to me. I almost feel like I am walking on eggshells around him and I don’t want to live like that. And he’s telling me he can potentially take it to the next step only if we don’t argue or have disagreements and that’s an unrealistic expectation.
After this argument, we both took a few days to cool down. One of his friends from out of state came to visit and he asked me if I wanted to hang out with them both. So, we went out and had lunch and spent time in the city. And, he was being completely normal with me. He was being affectionate, holding my hand and hugging me and kissing me. Which is honestly not what I was expecting. I wasn’t expecting him to invite me out let alone be affectionate to me. I still wanted to talk to him about the situation. To be honest, I am not sure how to even talk to him and what to say. Sometimes I have a hard time articulating what I want to say which is why I want to get some advice. I also want to know if this is something worth saving, just based on what he said. I honestly don’t know what to do.

I, 35 female, had been in an on again off again relationship with my boyfriend, 45 male, for the last 3 years. I won't bore you with the details of how we met and what went on for the last 3 years of our relationship, I'm just going to get to the point.
Back in late September 2023, my boyfriend moved to Iowa. We had just gotten back together when he sprung that on me and I was rather upset at first but knew that he was only moving because it was for his mental health. Living in the big city can be very costly and stressful, so I understood his reasoning. I did not go with him and figured we would go our separate ways. Fast forward four months later and I get a message from him through Facebook messenger asking me to call him. I call him and learned rather quickly that he had been drinking but he was asking why I suddenly ghosted him by not replying back to his texts or calls. For context, I never blocked his number.
I told him that I did not get any of his texts or calls. He asked me why I never tried reaching out to him and I explained that I thought him moving away and not staying in contact meant the end of our relationship. We had a lengthy conversation that night and he asked me to come visit him. I told him that I will consider it but would need to build up some PTO as I had just started a new job and didn't want to risk anything during my first 90 days. We stayed in touch after that, calling each other daily and talking on the phone for hours just catching up and going over mutual interests and so on until I've built up enough PTO to go visit him.
You may wonder why I was the one to go visit him in Iowa. Firstly, he wanted me to see the town he had decided to settle in. Secondly, we had discussed resuming our relationship and possibly having me move out there as it was out of the question for him to move back to the city where I live. I understood his reasoning for moving but felt that leaving the life I have behind for him felt a bit extreme. But I kept an open mind about Iowa and went to visit (side note, there are no direct flights to where he moved to. I had to fly to Chicago, which is a 2.5 hour drive away and he had to rent a car to pick me up). I spent a four day weekend with him, and I'm not going to lie and say that it was magical and romantic because it's Iowa. Seeing him again, however, brought back all the feelings I had for him and I realized just how much I had missed him.
I honestly didn't see much during my visit as it wasn't a dense town like I would see back home, as everything was very spread out. That should have been my very first clue to the kind of life it was like. It was very quiet and peaceful, which was a change. Unlike the city where it was always busy and sirens going off in the distance was a constant, at night it's dead silent. It was definitely a change in pace and I was more or less charmed, but not impressed. My weekend visit was over before we knew it and I returned home back to the life I was most comfortable with.
My boyfriend and I resumed our daily phone calls, but I noticed our conversations began to shift towards me moving out to Iowa. And in truth I was swayed by the idea of leaving the big city for small town life, however, my biggest hesitation was job security. I work in the medical field and finding a job with my skill-sets wasn't a huge challenge aside from the lack of urgency of callbacks from the jobs I had applied to. My boyfriend reassured me that it was just how things were in Iowa, that unlike the city, the businesses moved through a system that was much slower than what I was used to. I had my doubts but then again I didn't know much about the hiring process in the mid-west. My boyfriend then said it would probably go a lot faster if I was actually in the area (which I was skeptical about but didn't comment). I knew he just wanted me there with him and, at that time, I wanted to be with him because I had truly believed that we had talked through our past issues and were now on the same wavelength of what we wanted as a couple moving forward.
Boy was I in for a rude awakening.
I literally packed up my life into my SUV. I didn't take any furniture with me knowing that what my boyfriend lacked we could always buy. It took me 3 days of driving to reach Iowa and I had never thought I'd be so happy to be in Iowa or all places, but I was. I was blinded by hopes and dreams of a happy life with the man I thought I was in love with. I should mention that I have been saving money for a down payment on a house for the last 5 years and have managed to save $20k. It has been a personal goal, not dream, for myself to be a homeowner, not because I want that white picket fence dream, but because I simply want a home that is truly MY home. I want a safe space that truly feels mine and have it reflect the type of person that I am, instead of apartments where I would have to return the space to the manufactured setting once I leave.
Now, the housing market in Iowa is relatively cheap compared to Washington. And when I saw the cheap listings, cheap as in less than $200k for a 3 bedroom 2 bath, move-in ready house I was ready to commit my new life in Iowa with my boyfriend. At first, my boyfriend was very supportive of my house hunting, he knew that it was personal goal of mine and had always said how he admired my ambition to become a home owner. I got in touch with a realtor agent who collaborated with me on what my boyfriend and I were looking for in a home. I probably saw about a dozen houses within my first 2 weeks since arriving to Iowa and I actually found a house that we both really liked. I was ready to put in an offer when my boyfriend suddenly told me that he didn't want to become a home owner, saying that it was too much of a commitment that he never wants to make.
It gave me pause, and though I was very disappointed in having to put aside a goal I made for myself, I half-heartedly agreed. It was then things started to unravel between us and his mood just quickly declined. I should note that my boyfriend has diagnosed PTSD from childhood trauma and he has a tendency to become anxious and agitated when stressed out. The days that followed I had noticed a shift in him and because he works from home, I just assumed it was because his work was stressing him out.
I tried to be a good girlfriend by staying out of his way while he was working and try to be as quiet as possible while at home. I would try to help out with small things like letting the dogs out to relieve themselves and take them on short walks. I tried to be mindful to not make a mess. Along with my boyfriend's anxiety and mental health struggles he also has OCD, and while back in Seattle I had noticed he liked to keep a clean home, out in Iowa it had become abundantly clear that the smallest mess would upset him.
His bad mood only worsened. One day, while he was folding laundry, I asked him if there was anything he'd like me to do around the house because I wanted to be helpful. He said "If you see a mess, clean it." That came off as truly strange to me.
"Do you want me to vacuum or clean the bathrooms?" I asked.
He looked at me like what I had asked was the dumbest question he had ever heard and snapped at me with: "If you see a mess, clean it. You're not 12 years old, you're not being paid an allowance to do simple chores. You're an adult, you should already know what to do."
What he said embarrassed me and made me feel so small and inferior, but it also truly angered me. Where was all this hostility suddenly coming from? I didn't want to start a fight over chores and simply helped him fold the laundry. We eventually had a talk, which turned into him going on a tangent about how he requires to keep a clean and sterile house, that "everything has its place" in the house. He then went on about not wanting the commitment of home ownership and that he has no intentions of ever returning to Seattle. He told me how all my stuff cluttering the bedroom and office is taking a toll on his mental health and that it's my job to make sure that they're all put away so he doesn't have to see them (mind you, I was still unpacking and with limited storage space the rest of my belongings are still packed away).
Then he suggested something that blindsided me. He suggested that I possibly look for my own place so that we live separately and slowly integrate into each other's lives again. It was then that I took account of all the red flags that had sprung up from before I foolishly packed up my life to be with this man that I suddenly no longer loved. It was as if a switch in me had been flipped and all those feelings of affection just left my system. I told him that what he was proposing wasn't possible because I was struggling to find employment and didn't want to waste my savings on a brand new lease, especially since I was just added onto his lease.
I tried to find a middle ground with him, especially when it came to my personal belongings. I knew that he was talking about my makeup being out on the counter. Mind you, my second day in Iowa, we had gone to Costco where I found a makeup organizer and purchased it. All my makeup fits neatly in it and isn't scattered all over the place, he just doesn't like seeing them. That still wasn't good enough for him but I had to point it out to him by saying "I live here, too. It's only fair that I should feel like this is my home."
After that, the tension between us only got worse. He would have angry outbursts over the smallest inconveniences and prioritize more on his "mental and physical health" than work on our rapidly deteriorating relationship. I'm also at fault for not trying harder to talk things out but after he suggested I find my own place I subconsciously knew our relationship was over, on top of that, I was also emotionally drained and feeling depressed.
Now moving to the present, I had finally secured a job that would be opening a clinic nearby, meaning I wouldn't have to waste gas as much and would finally be able to contribute financially to the household. When I told my boyfriend the news it was received with a rather lackluster response but I still held out hope that once I start working and be out of the house more things might mellow out. Then, over the weekend, everything fell apart.
I had woken up early because the dogs needed to go outside. I knew my boyfriend wasn't getting much sleep lately so I let him sleep in as much as possible. Once the dogs had finished relieving themselves I had the intention of going back to bed to get another hour or so of sleep but the dogs came in to disrupt that plan. My boyfriend didn't like that and got up explosively, cursing and yelling as he stomped downstairs about how he couldn't get any sleep. I go downstairs to tell him that he can go back to bed, that I forgot to feed the dogs after letting them outside and that I would take care of it. He yells at me that he would do it since he's up and then goes on a rant about how his life was disrupted ever since I arrived. Let me remind you that he wanted me there in the first place.
He blamed me for the poor sleep he's been having ever since I arrived (there is also 3 dogs sleeping in the bed with us). He blamed me for his financial woes (he took care of the bills until I found a job). He blamed me for the hit to his credit score (I took a hit as well because we were getting pre-approval for a home loan before he said he didn't want to move forward with it). Blamed me for the decline in his mental and physical health (he vapes throughout the day and his vices are scotch and ice cream). And he blamed me for his inability to focus on drawing his comic series because of his mental health decline (he's a decent artist but I can't take credit for his creative block).
While he listed off all the things I am to be blamed for and how he had made so many compromises for me I reflected back on my surprisingly short time here (3 weeks, nearing 4), I was the one who made all the compromises. I was the one who made the bigger sacrifice. I traveled half-way across the country for a man who will never make my happiness a priority. From the start of our relationship 3 years ago to now, I was the only one who had to make sacrifices just to pacify this giant man-child.
He brought up me finding my own place again and I told him that if I have to move out then I'm returning to Seattle. He didn't fight me on that but the downside is that I have to wait for my parents, who had planned to drive out this way in June from Seattle, to visit friends in Chicago. They've been made aware of the situation and will be driving out in my step-dad's pickup truck to haul back all of my belongings and we would leave together in both my step-dad;s truck and my SUV. I had emailed the hiring manager I had gone through my interview process with, letting her know that I unfortunately will be returning to Seattle due to personal circumstances.
In the meantime I have begun submitting my resume to clinics and hospitals back in Seattle and already have several interviews set up (much faster turn-around than Iowa) and hopefully soon I will have secured a job before my return home.

[Walking sounds]
[Pouting] Mmm ... neither izuku nor ochako wanted me….. am I really that creepy like people always told me…. I try so hard, but they're more interested in each other…..
[Notices listener]
Well, who is this adorable cutie we have right here~ Maybe they'd be more interested in a girl like me I can tell just by looking at em~.
[Sneaking footsteps] I should plan carefully and once I can get the chance, I'll kidnap them and make them fall madly in love with me [laughing].
This conveniently placed bat shall do just nicely~ they're such a cutie. I really hope there quirkless it'll make it so much easier to break~.
[sneak up and bonk noise as voice fades out]
You should really watch your blind spot, my new toy~ it'll lead to some bad things [start laughing]
[Some time passes and a voice starts fading in]
There they are~ you have such beautiful eyes~ I'll let you keep them because I'd still like you to see me at least~.
[Listener struggles in the chains they're tied in.]
Oh, no need to panic. I'm not gonna hurt ya~ [Flirty] unless that's EXACTLY the kinda thing you enjoy, then I can hurt you all I want~.
[chains rattle more as listener panic]
[Laughs evilly] Oh calm down, I'm not gonna do anything like that. I just love you too much to ever hurt you like unless needed.
Oh~ seems that got your attention you heard correctly. I love you! Obsessed even! You're the cutest thing I've seen since izuku and ochako but….. they didn't have any interest in me it hurt….. finally realizing the truth.
[Happy] but that's when I saw you. I pledged to myself that nothing was gonna stop me this time from getting the one I love, so I kidnapped you!
I know you're quirkless. I tasted your blood myself. It was so exotic, the blood of a normal human~.
[Getting close to the listener speaking creepily, so are you gonna be my good little pet and love me, or do I need to break your innocent little mind first and make you love me? ~.
[laughing] you're still fighting against me, excellent choice! Breaking you it is! [Laughing more]
[Pull the listener even closer to you and there's a click sound]
There we go a perfect collar for my new pet~.
[Flirty Whispering in listener's ear] I'm gonna make you very obedient by the time I'm finished.
[Bite or lick listener] you taste sooooo amazing, almost better than your blood [Start kissing] just give in to my love, stop resisting.
I can see it on your face you want to admit but won't~ look into my eyes and you'll see how much I love you~.
[Happy] that's it you see it now don't you now let me hear those words~
[annoyed] man…. Why are you so stubborn? Fine, you asked for this but I was playing nice before but now to really break you~.
[Start kissing the listener over and over for as long as you want]
Mmmwah~ so how are you feeling now my pet~ anything you wanna say to me~?
[laughing] Yes yes! It worked. You finally said that you loved me! Plenty of kisses from a cute girl will always be enough to break cuties~.
Now that you see you're obeying me, let's see if it's not just an act. [Unlock the chains]
Good, you didn't try to attack or run from me~ let's get outta here. How about we try going on our first date?
Take my hand! I want people to see we love each other! Maybe we'll even run into izuku and ochako and they'll get jealous seeing us and regret rejecting me!
Oh hun, don't say that, of course. I love you, but making my old crushes jealous will be such a rush! It's not like we'll see them, anyway. Now come I have the perfect place for our date~.
[Walking together]
Hurry along now you're going too slow~ I know you hate being walked on a leash in public but you'll learn to love it just like you learned to love me~.
[yank the collar a bit and speak sternly] I said hurry up….. now we should be pretty close, just right around this corner.
Tada!! What do you think it's the UA training grounds~
Oh, don't look so scared. I choose this place because it will be much more exciting! Will we get caught? Won't we? The rush is exhilarating!
[Walk together in the forest for a while]
This place is actually where I first met izuku and ochako but I'm not gonna bother you with that now come here to me~
[Flirty] I want to see how your kisses feel~ show me how obsessed you are now~ [start making out with listener]
[Speaking between kisses] Mmff… you're amazing. I know you never kissed anyway before~ I'm glad to be your first~
Mmwah~ awww look how red you are~ all that delicious blood all in your face now [lick listener] mmmm~ let me have a taste of it~ pleeeeease~
[Laughing] goooood pet~ let me see your hand~ [lightly cut listener's hand and start sucking on it tasting their blood] hmmmmm~
Oh~ you like it~ seems you're a cute little freak yourself it seem I love it~
[Wrap their hand up] There wrapped up for later~ like fresh meat I mike to put it~
[Sighs a bit] Hey can I ask you something real quick? I know i….. broke or at least tried so admit to me~ how do you really feel?
[Gasp] that's how you really feel! [thrilled and start laughing] I love you. Love You!! I finally have the lover I always needed!
[start kissing them all over their face, claiming how much you love them, then they're interrupted by a noise]
We should go! [Rush out of the forest and sometime you're back home cuddling in bed]
I'm so tired after all that….. if it's ok I won't be around tomorrow. Got some villain stuff to take of tomorrow.
[Kiss and lick their neck a bit] but I promise once in done I'm gonna shower you in as much love as I can~
[End]

[Walking sounds]
[Pouting] Mmm ... neither izuku nor ochako wanted me….. am I really that creepy like people always told me…. I try so hard, but they're more interested in each other…..
[Notices listener]
Well, who is this adorable cutie we have right here~ Maybe they'd be more interested in a girl like me I can tell just by looking at em~.
[Sneaking footsteps] I should plan carefully and once I can get the chance, I'll kidnap them and make them fall madly in love with me [laughing].
This conveniently placed bat shall do just nicely~ they're such a cutie. I really hope there quirkless it'll make it so much easier to break~.
[sneak up and bonk noise as voice fades out]
You should really watch your blind spot, my new toy~ it'll lead to some bad things [start laughing]
[Some time passes and a voice starts fading in]
There they are~ you have such beautiful eyes~ I'll let you keep them because I'd still like you to see me at least~.
[Listener struggles in the chains they're tied in.]
Oh, no need to panic. I'm not gonna hurt ya~ [Flirty] unless that's EXACTLY the kinda thing you enjoy, then I can hurt you all I want~.
[chains rattle more as listener panic]
[Laughs evilly] Oh calm down, I'm not gonna do anything like that. I just love you too much to ever hurt you like unless needed.
Oh~ seems that got your attention you heard correctly. I love you! Obsessed even! You're the cutest thing I've seen since izuku and ochako but….. they didn't have any interest in me it hurt….. finally realizing the truth.
[Happy] but that's when I saw you. I pledged to myself that nothing was gonna stop me this time from getting the one I love, so I kidnapped you!
I know you're quirkless. I tasted your blood myself. It was so exotic, the blood of a normal human~.
[Getting close to the listener speaking creepily, so are you gonna be my good little pet and love me, or do I need to break your innocent little mind first and make you love me? ~.
[laughing] you're still fighting against me, excellent choice! Breaking you it is! [Laughing more]
[Pull the listener even closer to you and there's a click sound]
There we go a perfect collar for my new pet~.
[Flirty Whispering in listener's ear] I'm gonna make you very obedient by the time I'm finished.
[Bite or lick listener] you taste sooooo amazing, almost better than your blood [Start kissing] just give in to my love, stop resisting.
I can see it on your face you want to admit but won't~ look into my eyes and you'll see how much I love you~.
[Happy] that's it you see it now don't you now let me hear those words~
[annoyed] man…. Why are you so stubborn? Fine, you asked for this but I was playing nice before but now to really break you~.
[Start kissing the listener over and over for as long as you want]
Mmmwah~ so how are you feeling now my pet~ anything you wanna say to me~?
[laughing] Yes yes! It worked. You finally said that you loved me! Plenty of kisses from a cute girl will always be enough to break cuties~.
Now that you see you're obeying me, let's see if it's not just an act. [Unlock the chains]
Good, you didn't try to attack or run from me~ let's get outta here. How about we try going on our first date?
Take my hand! I want people to see we love each other! Maybe we'll even run into izuku and ochako and they'll get jealous seeing us and regret rejecting me!
Oh hun, don't say that, of course. I love you, but making my old crushes jealous will be such a rush! It's not like we'll see them, anyway. Now come I have the perfect place for our date~.
[Walking together]
Hurry along now you're going too slow~ I know you hate being walked on a leash in public but you'll learn to love it just like you learned to love me~.
[yank the collar a bit and speak sternly] I said hurry up….. now we should be pretty close, just right around this corner.
Tada!! What do you think it's the UA training grounds~
Oh, don't look so scared. I choose this place because it will be much more exciting! Will we get caught? Won't we? The rush is exhilarating!
[Walk together in the forest for a while]
This place is actually where I first met izuku and ochako but I'm not gonna bother you with that now come here to me~
[Flirty] I want to see how your kisses feel~ show me how obsessed you are now~ [start making out with listener]
[Speaking between kisses] Mmff… you're amazing. I know you never kissed anyway before~ I'm glad to be your first~
Mmwah~ awww look how red you are~ all that delicious blood all in your face now [lick listener] mmmm~ let me have a taste of it~ pleeeeease~
[Laughing] goooood pet~ let me see your hand~ [lightly cut listener's hand and start sucking on it tasting their blood] hmmmmm~
Oh~ you like it~ seems you're a cute little freak yourself it seem I love it~
[Wrap their hand up] There wrapped up for later~ like fresh meat I mike to put it~
[Sighs a bit] Hey can I ask you something real quick? I know i….. broke or at least tried so admit to me~ how do you really feel?
[Gasp] that's how you really feel! [thrilled and start laughing] I love you. Love You!! I finally have the lover I always needed!
[start kissing them all over their face, claiming how much you love them, then they're interrupted by a noise]
We should go! [Rush out of the forest and sometime you're back home cuddling in bed]
I'm so tired after all that….. if it's ok I won't be around tomorrow. Got some villain stuff to take of tomorrow.
[Kiss and lick their neck a bit] but I promise once in done I'm gonna shower you in as much love as I can~
[End]

Hi everyone,
I'm a brand-new brokeinvestment adviser rep just starting out, and having gone through multiple exams and passing them all on the first try, I thought I'd give my 2 cents on how you can pass them, hopefully in a quicker time than me! I'll go through each test and my personal experience, then I'll explain the methods I actually used and how you can customize them to your needs.
SIE - I literally had zero experience in the securities industry when I started studying. I wasn't sure what to think after the first lesson, but I found it interesting! It took me a little over 2 months to prepare (I used Kaplan for all my tests). I studied for about 2.5 to 3 hours each day, and made sure to take plenty of notes. I found the real test was actually easier than the Final and Mastery Exams. Lots of questions of options, the primary/secondary markets, investment companies and the Acts; overall a good mix.
Series 6 - Immediately started prepping the day after passing the SIE; passed it about a month later. Suitability was the key point of emphasis; I memorized the suitability chart that they gave in the textbook and that helped a ton. Real test had a lot more scenario based questions asking you to pick the right type of investment for a customer. Tbh I was feeling a little nervous for this one since I had failed the second Mastery Exam, and this was three days before my test date. The key difference between this one and the SIE was that the latter had a broad amount of material, while the 6 asked you how products actually worked. I'd say this was the second hardest for me.
Series 63 - Again, started prepping the day after passing the 6. I'm being 100% honest here, it was almost pure memorization. I memorized the exempt transactions/securities, as well as the exemptions and exclusions for broker-dealers, agents, investment advisers, and investment adviser reps by writing them down over and over again (on my laptop to save trees lol). Also, knowing the legal terms was key, because this was a state law exam by NASAA (so don't confuse their rules with FINRA's). The Mastery Exams were a breeze, and the real test was definitely the easiest out of the bunch for me.
Series 26 - Here's where things start to get tougher. The info that I'd learned from the SIE and 6 (they're prerequisites for this one) came back to me, and I had to remember that it was important to look at it from a supervisor's POV, because a lot of questions were going to be based on this (i.e. "A rep commits X, what should the principal do to handle this situation?") The material itself was stuff that had already been drilled into me, but being a 110-question test, I had to time myself to keep pace on the practice tests. On the actual test, I was able to answer all the questions within 2 hours, and that gave me enough time to do a second-run through. Not too bad all in all; for me it was a tad bit easier than the SIE.
Series 65 - Oh boy. Let me tell you guys something that'll save you a ton of headaches later on: DO. NOT. TAKE. THIS. TEST. LIGHTLY. I just passed it last week, and if it hadn't been for the countless hours of studying I'd put in, I most likely would've failed. This literally had all of the material from the previous tests, including the entirety of the 63. On top of that, it also had federal laws that needed to be recognized from the state-level ones. The Kaplan course had 24 units to cover all the material, and a little over 4200 QBank questions. A huge mistake I made was not using all of them up. After taking the 2nd Mastery and all of the practice tests, I had answered around 3000 questions. After some debating on whether I should study some more or schedule, although I was still shaky in a few areas, I decided to go for it. The real test started out easy, and by questions 30-40, I was feeling like I might fail. But I stayed calm and focused on doing my best. I was super grateful for knowing those formulas, as a couple of questions didn't ask for calculations, but simply what they were. The ones that did ask to calculate tripped me up a bit, but I made my best picks/guesses. After answering all the questions with about 50 minutes left, I changed 2 answers; one because I didn't read the question properly and the other because I found another question that helped to answer. As you can imagine, this test was easily the toughest out of them all. I was more than thankful to see that "Pass" appear after clicking "Submit".
So there's my story! Sorry for the long paragraph on the 65; I actually cut out some more sentences to try and shorten it as much as possible. To cap everything off, I'll go through the main strategies I used, and how you can customize them to your will (Although I used Kaplan, they can probably work for other programs as well).
1) Do many practice tests. After each practice test, read the explanations throughly. Understand why you got the question right or wrong. The real test will almost certainly have different wording than the prep course you're using, so understanding the concept allows you to answer correctly regardless of how the question is asked. When I was using the QBank questions, I made sure to set the custom quiz to pull unused questions from the pool, so I didn't know what would appear next.
2) Make acronyms/phrases. They can be about absolutely anything (a movie, a life experience, etc). Anything that you can connect a group of bullet points or a concept to make it easier to remember is a good thing. For instance, I was having trouble with SEP IRAs, and it kept mentioning that only the employer contributes to this type of IRA. So to help me remember, I made the phrase "Solely Employer Puts In" (the first letter of each word makes SEP and I for IRA). Any silly way to hammer that point in means you won't forget come test time.
3) Record yourself saying concepts and phrases, and put it on loop. I started doing this a bit for the 26, and a LOT for the 65. Try to say what you want to say in a minute or less (absolute max of 1min30s). Once you put your recording on loop, you can listen to it over and over again, and this actually forces the info into your brain without you having to think or work too much. After listening to each recording however many times you like, try to write down what you heard. If you can't remember, just keep playing the recording until you've got it memorized.
4) Watch YouTube videos. Please be careful with this one, and make sure you use videos that are up to date (some videos were created years ago and thus pieces of info may not be current). Series7Guru with Dean and PassMasters with Suzy Rhoades are two excellent channels to look into. You never know, these videos may just help you snag an easy point or two on your real test ;)
If you're still here after getting through this humongous post, I wish you best of luck in not just your tests, but your future careers! Take care!

I want to start by saying that i enjoyed here, i enjoyed all the little things to get here. I've been playing since the boss was yagluth. I have 351 hrs (i know it's not much) but just in case ppl think i speed trough this and then complained ahha.
Now first with the good things:>! I LOVED the entire aesthetic, the music, the new items , the new food and materials that ashland brought, i loved the introduction to ashlands that was literally very fucking scary ,the new customization of weapons with elements, not only for how variated it makes the gameplay but how cool it looks as exhibition pieces. THE NEW MONSTERS WERE AMAZINGLY COOL, from their mechanics to their designs, they were so scary and unsettling, the story was so chilling and had me hyped to search for the next rune (also pls make this spanw maybe close to strategic points i had to lose myself in a few islands to find them all) . I LOVE how now the differnet stars in monsters look very different than i remember, idk if the colors were brightened or they shine more but i was way easier to identify troublesome mobs this time. Loved the addition of the grapes as a new food source to plant at home, not only because it looked amazing but because it was a cool thing to have a passive farming part of your home.!<
>! Also idk if this was just me being so dumb but i didn't notice on my first or second playtrough that there were things hidden under the thrones or between the walls of some towers, i foudn that SO FUN!i had fun destroying the draugr homes to see what they had to offer, also use it as a settlement was so good too, made us understood a lot on how to make bigger and bigger houses (im not as talented as the people posting marvels in this forum). Also i liked the way that scrap piles were more easily destroyed this time around, it really makes the swamp not as tedious as before.!<
i suppose i must continue with the downsides, this time around i had issues with the music, , though it's not much really i still enjoyed myself through and through. First of all i feel the cultists are still somehow randomly placed there, i wish perhaps the caves gave more or straight up they had the eggs so i had more incentive to go raid them.i kept getting like 2 or 3 songs overlapping at times? it was so distracting X_X mostly happened in plains and ashlands.The quest of the clothing seller was interesting but honestly i was expecting better rewards at the end, but i LOVED LVOED LOVED!!!! the sealed tower raid. SOOO FUN, also the merchant didn't have anything interesting and i had so much money by the end of the game i amde a secret pile of money behind my staircase....Some items like the staff of fracturing and the dundr were interesting but not really that useful in the end with a few exceptions ( love exploding morgens) and you could say that yeah that's the point you have to have all the options but it feels a bit disappointing when you start cooking up numbers. I think the Dundr is the weapon i loved the most but i wish i had something extra, perhaps an armor to go with that hexmagic route that allows you to reload faster or reload while running so you can get close, shot and run and then use the staff of protection and so. I would happily give away the usage of all of the other staffs for such a combination and the either regen. In the end my partner who played with a meele warrior did way more than me with magic and that did not feel such a way during mistland and i don't know if it was my fault or what, but it felt more balanced on mistlands than ashland for some reason. The flametal ores... God that was so annoying to farm and then they give you all of it mostly in castles so it feels a bit unnecessary? I would much more prefer to siege the fortress for the material than having to fend off charred assholes throwing rocks at me that make me fall to the lava. Not to mention the spawn of things was a bit insane, sometimes there was no creatures for several minutes then we turned around and bam 3 morgens 2 green dogs (i forgot their names) of 1 star following us and a bunch of marksman coming from the lava. It was overwhelming at times.
Quality of life => please have tabs for the different recipes/types of recipes or at least organize them from newest to oldest because having to search for it one by one it's quite annoying when you are in a hurry to get back to battle. X_X
And this is mostly cosmetic issues but i feel the red robes are way cooler than the blue of ashlands?, but i do love the black void with the red eyes , maybe there should be an item that the clothing seller than give me as a final quest for her chests that gives me the possibility to transmog so i chose what i am wearing ? but keeps my stats??. That green cape was horrendous too i didn't feel powerful at all QWQ. The jutes, please for the love of god let me make red jute things like the blue ones and vice versa and maybe let me die threads to make more and maybe different colors?, banners get a bit repetitive after a while. But this is a nothing burger honestly i just really had SOOO much fun with the ashwood decorations i usually hate decorating and building in games but this time OH GOD i went crazy and i had so much fun <3 . Also many items are not able to be exhibited like the bloodstones,jade and even metals i feel it would be cute if we could do that since i could make a metal ore and refined metal exhibition to decorate the forge.On that same note please make the item stands a bit tintier like the ones that go into the table because some items like the circlet or knives look so weird with the big slav of wood behind. same with some items just lying flat like the seal or the swamp key , maybe give the option for them to stand up?. And as a last request that again is literally non relevant PLEASE GIVE US FLOWERS or decorative plants, hedges and bushes. i would kill to have such a thing in game. PLEASE LET US PLANT BERRY BUSHES AS WELL ! i dont care if they take forever to spawn berries but please it's being so annoying since day 1. Also i loved the pots, can we please find a way to paint them or add flowers to them???
Also one question will you keep teasing us with those underwater stairs in the swamp?...please i want to dive....aaaa
Anyway it was just a random rant a smy first post here. Istill 100% love and recommend the game 10/10 would start again when the next biome comes home. Amazing job as always team i love this game <3
red + black feathers COOL
please i just want to have collectibles...
Pls valehim let me put the spice rack in here i need it for magic/witch reasons
Also please let me sleep in the same bed as my husband, how are we supposed to honor odin if we dont give him a son lmao.
pls let me paint the pots PLEASE
my attempt to put flowers outside lmao
I wish the Jute was red on the top as well QWQ!

Just had my bilateral salpingectomy today! I saw Dr. Charlotte Pickens in La Jolla, CA btw. It was an amazing experience y'all! Much easier than I anticipated! Buckle up, it's a long one, and very detailed! But all positive for the most part LOL
I'm 34 and have never EVER had surgery aside from getting my wisdom teeth out at 16, and a colonoscopy at 24. Never even broken a bone or gotten stitches, nothing. I have a lot of medical anxiety, I was tripping out the most over sleep paralysis despite anesthesia LOL Wasn't even nervous about the actual surgery, just didn't wanna wake up during it and be mentally scarred for life 🤣 Saw a few scary stories on TV once about that phenomenon.
The office gave me Hibiclens at my consult appt to take home & scrub my abdomen with the last 3 showers leading up surgery. Yesterday morning, yesterday evening, and this morning. No deodorant, lotions, perfumes, nail polish or jewelry after my shower this morning.
I was NPO after midnight last night. They instructed me to drink an ensure between 9pm-11pm last night since my surgery was in the afternoon. I also took half an Ativan last night at 9pm to make sure I slept and didn't have anxiety insomnia lol They also instructed me to take my heart arrythmia pill this morning right upon wakening with a tiny sip of water. I had an echocardiogram a week ago, so yes, I got cardiac clearance lol I also had a pre-op transvaginal ultrasound and blood work 2 weeks ago.
When I got there, they called me back to the pre-op room. I got weighed, asked for my height, and had to pee in a cup first thing. They then had me change into my gown, skiddy socks & hair net. They gave me 2 Tylenol 500mg & a Celebrex (200mg - for preventative nerve pain) with a tiny sip of water. Then they took my BP/pulse ox, and started my IV in my left hand, and started fluids and some Ativan. They also put on the leg compression things, man they feel great lol They got me heated blankets, and even had a lil pack of lavender smelly stuff they taped to the top left of my paper gown for relaxation 😊
All the staff came in and introduced themselves while in pre-op, from the surgeon herself, to the anesthesia team, to the OR scrub nurses, to the surgical resident that'd be observing (with my permission of course.) They also asked if they had permission to let the surgical resident practice a pelvic exam on me while under anesthesia, I agreed. I've been employed in healthcare myself for 17 years, so anything to help with someone's education! I could've refused if I wanted, but I really appreciated them asking beforehand.
They then wheeled me back to the OR, and I was feeling goooood with the Ativan lol They also pushed a lil GI cocktail too before they gave me the gas. I had to scoot myself from my original pre-op bed to the OR table, which was easy, they leveled the beds together and helped me. They then masked me with the gas, and I was outttt like a light after about 4-5 deeeeep inhales!!!
I woke up in post-op an hour and a half later. Went in at 12 noon, woke up at 1:30pm, all done! They intubated me after falling asleep, and pulled it out before waking up, it's like nothing ever happened! No soreness, hoarseness or coughing. I'm clearing my throat occasionally here and there 7 hours later, just kinda feels like when you get "bubbles" (post-nadal drip basically lol) in your throat with seasonal allergies. Not often enough to cause soreness which is great, waaaay better then what I anticipated after reading about other people's experiences on here. They cathed me too since they gave me fluids, thankfully after I was out, and removed it before I woke up, so it hurts to pee just a little bit, not even as bad a UTI 🤣 Like, a 4 on a scale of 1-10.
They gave me ice chips & apple juice straight upon awakening too, which was great! I had no nausea at all, still don't hours later. I rested for about 30 mins, then they brought back my ride to hang out with me and go over discharge instructions. I got up to go pee, and then they wheeled me outside to the car, and even opened the door & helped me get in!! They have $5 valet services for 0-3 hours parking, so the car was pulled right up to the curb right outside the front doors!
We drove straight to IHOP afterwards. I took it easy with some Belgian waffles & a few strips of bacon, and a mango iced tea, and a few sips of my ride's cinnamon milkshake lol I then stopped by Walgreens to grab a few house things I forgot to pick up last night, my ride helped & carried everything 😊
The ride home was smooth, I didn't have any discomfort from the shitty ass bumpy roads on our 30 min drive home lol I did bring a squishmallow to put between my belly and the seat belt, which was a genius idea I picked up on here!
BTW, I'm an occasional recreational cannabis user. I was honest and disclosed my use to my anesthesiologist only (VERY IMPORTANT), I didn't want that ICD-10 diagnosis use code going to Tricare from my consult appt ahead of surgery & prior authorization for obvious reasons lol. I quit edibles 2 months ago, and vaping 1 month ago. My anesthesiologist said I would've been fine discontinuing use just 5-7 days prior to surgery (no ibuprofen 7 days before either lol), but I did a month + to be safe, I'm a bit on the heavier side, and I've heard edibles stick around in your system (fat lol) much longer than just smoking/vaping, so I wanted to be super certain that I'd be clear and not fuck up anesthesia for myself. For reference, I'm 5'6", 180lbs. I took 3-4 puffs of a vape 4-5 days a week, and 10mg worth of edibles once almost every weekend for a few months straight, so not a super heavy user.
I hope my experience can help others make the decision to take the plunge too before election day lol I called to set up the consult appt back in December, had the actual consult appt in February, and first available surgery was today, late May.
I am a generally super anxious person by nature, and had my bestie/coworker take me to my very first surgery. My family is 3k miles away on the east Coast and couldn't be here, so if my anxious ass can do it, literally anybody can do it! I literally have nobody out here but my bestie, no family, no nothing. My soon to be ex husband is on deployment right now out in the Pacific, and is unreachable at the moment, and frankly doesn't give a shit. He knows I had surgery today too, and I KNOW he won't call or email out of common human decency to at least ask how it went when he does get back in service/port. He asked for a divorce a week after my consult appt, which happened to be 2 weeks before deployment, how convenient, after saying straight to my face before & after the appt that he totally supported my choice, and was looking forward to the DINK lifestyle with me. Oh well.
Y'all are 💯 when you say men aren't ~truly~ childfree unless they've had a vasectomy, or atleast got one scheduled on the books soon lol My conservative family back on the east coast are losing their shit over this, they're all christofacist trump bootlickers, I'm so glad I got to move away from all that and experience personal freedom/a different & better way of life out here. I'm so thankful to be in a position financially & geographically to have been able to take care of this. My GYN back home wouldn't even put an IUD in me at 29yrs old cause I never had kid before, so my cervix wasn't soft enough 🙄 Whatever bitch, I left and got spayed in Cali at 34 with no pushback from my Drs out here, kiss my grits lol
Thanks for coming to my hippie TED talk, hope this helps others! ♥️