this year i started dating around again after being single for 2 years. in january i went on 2 dates with a guy, it went well and we hooked up after the second date and he ghosted me (i know this one is self explanatory but still whyyyyy??). last month one of my old guy friends messaged me saying his friend (a guy i talked to in 2019) wanted my number and wanted to catch up. i gave him my number and the guy texted me, we chatted for about a day until he left me on read and never responded. last week i matched with a cute guy on hinge and we had an amazing convo. he asked for my number and we chatted all night and realized we have so much in common. after that day, he never reached out again. what's going on? all of these guys have found me attractive and have also expressed that they like me as a person. I'm pretty down to earth and easy to talk to, I just know they either were or still are attracted to me but there is something else wrong. is it possible i’m doing something wrong or is it always the ghosters fault?
TLDR: started dating 5 months ago and have been ghosted by 3 different guys since. 1 was after a hook up and the other 2 left me on read 1-2 days into texting. i know they were or still are interested in me so why are they ghosting?

I’m unsure if this is going to sound very vain however , I notice every time I tell my friends about a specific situation when it comes to guys im hanging out with romantically or guys I do like in general, my relationship with said guys become a little weird. It’s like once I brag about it or speak about it , the connection just disappears in a way. For example, I was talking to this basketball player and things were going so well. We went out and the vibe and energy was so good I honestly caught feelings the first date, that’s how good it was! And im usually private when it comes to my personal life, specifically dating. My friend came over and my brother mentioned my date because he saw him pick me up. There, I ended up talking about it with my friend and we carried it on through text. Afterwards me and the guy just randomly stopped talking, and then I went to see him once we re connected and it wasn’t the same and now we don’t talk at all.
Another example is when I met this guy that was so attractive, my type and amazing connection (again) and I ended up telling my friends about it (again) and now.. we dont talk!!!
And then another guy I met that was also super nice, lived in America (im from Canada) and he wanted to fly me out, and again , amazing connection. And now, we don’t talk! It’s like randomly they disappear lol idk!!! It’s very weird and I don’t even know if im even making sense , I guess im just hoping someone kind of understands and reassures me that im not going crazy and that I should probably just keep things to myself! My standards are super high so every guy I’ve ever even entertained are quality men which my friends have even mentioned.
I’m not sure if anyone is into the evil eye, negative energy kind of thing but im just starting to notice a pattern and I really just need to shut the F up and date in private until it starts to get serious. Obviously as a girl though it’s hard to not want to tell your girls about how you’re feeling , and advice. But it doesn’t work that way for me im noticing now lol.

I ‘30F’ value my ‘30F’ privacy and rarely disclose personal details about my husband ‘36M’ to friends and family….Conversely, my husband ‘36 M’, that I ‘30F’ have been married to for two years, freely shares information about everything to his ‘36M’ parents. While some general information, doesn’t bother me, I ‘30 F’ expect certain conversations and events happening in the marriage like those about my feelings or those I am ‘30F’ not proud of, to remain between us and not shared especially with the family even though the intentions might be to comfort me about the situation.
I ‘30 F’ attempted to discuss this matter with my husband ‘36 M’, which only led to tension and caused the in-laws to resent me (clearly he ‘36 M’ told his parents to stop repeating information in front of me because that’s how I ‘30F’ used to found out what was shared)….Also, My husband’s family gilt trip him ‘36 M’ to telling them everything because they tell him ’36 M’ everything And my husband ‘36 M’ is very good at not disclosing his family’s information at all, which means he ‘36 M’ is capable of not sharing if he ‘36M’ chose to). Now, even though he ‘36M’ shares information with his family, he ‘36M’ tells them to not repeat it and I am ‘30F’ having trouble trusting him and started to hide things from him because of that. The other annoying thing is that he ‘36M’ consults with his parents about every single decision, which I ‘36M’ found hard to believe given his age. …………….
Currently, my husband ‘36 M’ only communicates with his family in my absence, hides text messages from his mother when I ‘30F’ around , and in our last family visit, they avoided me at all cost and kept conversations minimal. My intention is not to separate my husband ‘36M’ from his family, but I ‘30F’ would like to feel comfortable sharing everything about me knowing it stays with my partner that I ‘30F’ chose. ……………….
My husband ‘36M’ is against the idea of trying couples therapy so I ‘30 F’ am unsure how to proceed, do I accept the situation as it stands? Do I (F30) attempt to repair the damage, or find another solution? Do I speak to my in-laws about this matter? Did anyone deal with similar situation? Do everyone’s in-laws know the ins and out of your marriage? Or am I being paranoid?
Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you!

This will be long. Like the title says, my (18F) BF (18M) broke up with me because he can't handle being in a relationship with me whilst working.
For more context, he and I went through a tough time together before but ever since a few months ago, we got over it and we've been healthily communicating now, etc. We were both on the same boat that we wanted our relationship to work out, so we worked on ourselves and understood each other more, and it's just been great in general. However, this past month, he's been a lot busier with his family, school works, personal hobbies, etc. that we don't really have time together anymore (in real life and online) unless it's late at night and we bond by playing a few games with our friends and then he goes to sleep. We don't live together btw. Anyway, I sleep late, so I just do my own thing after. So, I didn't really think anything of it but that he's just busy and just went with the flow.
However, this past week, he seemed a lot more distant and he would go to sleep a lot earlier. Again, I didn't really take it as anything but that he was busy and tired. Idk if this is relevant since he said it wasn't the case when I asked him about it, but I thought that his energy when talking to me vs his friends was drastically different. For example, when he's tired, he tells me he is and doesn't talk much and his voice is low, but when he gets on call with his friends, he suddenly becomes very talkative, loud, and energetic. However, I decided to brush it off thinking he's probably just really tired but since he's a very social type of person, he masks it as he likes to talk and light up the vibe in a group setting.
I would also like to note that at one point during that week, he opened up about his worries regarding the day where he finally starts working, which was going to be this week, and how it's going to affect our relationship. For context again, from the very beginning, we've already spoken about our plans for our future, especially career-wise. He expressed how passionate he was and how he wanted to focus on it when time comes and I said the same, so I never thought of it as a hindrance or anything bad because it's for his future and I prioritize my future the same too. Also, the job he'll do is the career he wants to pursue for his lifetime (in the car business), so it's really serious and he really wants to do well, which is understandable. That means that when he starts working, he'll be significantly busier and won't have as much time to spend with me. We also had a conversation whether we can handle being in a relationship while still being able to focus on our career goals, and we said yes. For more detail, I'm in my first year of college and I plan on pursuing law, so I obviously wouldn't have as much time as well, but I have many years to go before that while he starts working right away after high school. Going back, I told him that he doesn't have to worry because we've spoken about this before and I'm supportive of him and that I know he'll be busy but once it happens, we'll figure things out.
2 nights ago, after playing with our friends for a little bit and getting on a private call, he remained quiet and then he suddenly asked if it was okay that he asks for space. I didn't ask why, but I said that it was fine and I'll be here for him whenever. Based off what he said last time, I assumed that he was stressed because again, he was going to work and he was probably overthinking because he wanted to do well and because of his worries regarding our relationship as well. Usually, he tells me goodnight and that he loves me, but that night he didn't. I stayed up until 5 am just thinking. That's when I sort of thought of the possibility that he'll break up with me considering what he's opened up to me so far and knowing him, so I just thought of messaging him a GIF of a cat sending love at 5 am lol.
The day after that night/later that day (for me), I woke up and his response was him asking if we could talk at night once he arrives at his house. He was busy the whole day, so yeah. The night arrived and he told me he didn't know how to start and that he didn't like talking about it and told me we should probably have the conversation in real life, but I guess I already expected what would happen and if I wasn't right, I'd probably just end up overthinking, so I just told him to tell me what he wanted to say as he already asked for us to talk that night anyway.
He beat around the bush a lot, but it was basically him saying that once he starts working, he won't have time for me. He expressed his worry about how our relationship will work by then. He said he also thought about the whole "If he wanted to, he would" thing, but he said he knows that he'll probably be side tracked because of how busy he'll be. He said our relationship will not be the same anymore, such as gaming, sleep calling at night maybe, watching movies together, etc. He also said he considered about how my love language is quality time and we won't get to have that anymore. He also mentioned about how he doesn't know what to do and that he's uncertain of us, but that he still cares about me and loves me. He asked for my perspective on it after.
In summary, I told him that we've spoken about this before and I never thought of his work as a hindrance since I know it's for his future as well as his passion. I said I knew about it from the start (that he'll be busy) because that's one of the first things we discussed together, and I never complained whenever he helped his parents with work or was busy with his own endeavors for his future, so it wasn't a problem at all. I also didn't overthink or worry about him working, and it never came to mind until he brought it up. I thought we'd be fine. I mentioned how I've expressed even before that I'm supportive of him and look up to him in a way where he knows what he wants for his future and has plans to get there at a young age. In correlation to me not worrying about him working soon, I told him that I feel like he should ask the questions he's asking me to himself. I asked him whether he can handle being in a relationship while working. I asked him whether he can still be a good partner during that. I'm not talking about spending time 24/7 but just being caring and such.
He hesitated a lot and I told him that I can state my opinion regarding where our relationship goes from here, but it takes two for a relationship to work, so even if I wanted us to continue, he has to want it too. He ended up telling me that he couldn't. He broke up with me and explained that it's because he can't handle being in a relationship while working because he's already overwhelmed with the thought of working and the things he needed to do to be good at it the closer he is to the d-day (first work day). He wants to prioritize his family and his work, and that I deserve better that what he could offer. He told me that he didn't want to do this because he still loves me, but he's uncertain of us now and he didn't want to make me hope for something uncertain. He also mentioned growth and such. Towards the end, he told me he was sure. Sure of ending our relationship.
He wanted to end on good terms and although I agree, I don't know how I'll feel a week or a month from now. I just feel numb and it feels surreal right now. He told me that I can be upset and that he'd give me space. Later, he tried calling and then messaged me saying he'll give me space but he wanted us to communicate about how things go from here because he wanted us to be on good terms + we have mutual friends. Fast forward, in his last messages he said that we should to take a step back for now and think about whether this was the best decision. He asked me yesterday if we could talk tonight, but he messaged me tonight saying if we can talk tomorrow instead because he wants his thoughts to be clearer first and that he's all over the place right now.
I don't know how I feel. I feel upset, confused, hurt, and empty/numb at the same time. Relationships are never supposed to be a hindrance in the first place, and he told me before that he can be in a relationship even with his goals but I guess life just happens. Views change. He didn't mention what he wanted to talk to me about particularly, so until now I don't know, but it does hurt whenever I remember him telling me how he was certain of us at first because he's the type to know what he wants, but now he isn't. It's upsetting to know that he's uncertain, that he needs to have clearer thoughts because I didn't think this would happen. Is he going to talk with me tomorrow about remaining on good terms and how we'll act with our friends? Or is he going to talk about getting back together? It's most likely the former, but if he does want to get back together, would that be alright? Or will I end up feeling bad thinking that he became unsure. Do I settle for that? I don't know what to think. I'm so lost. I don't have friends I feel like I can or want to open this up to, so I'm just pouring my thoughts here.

A girl from my uni started talking to me a few weeks ago, mostly just texting but whatever. She's absolutely beautiful, a few years older than me (M18, F20) and mostly just said that I was interesting to her.
We would speak from time to time, mostly about life, and whatnot. But it always seemed like she was weird, like, strangely agreeable on anything I said, even contradicting herself sometimes. Like, I would say that I study a lot and she replies with "ah yes, you will see the fruit of it" and then I flip it and say that I like to go party sometimes just to approach girls and she also agrees saying "yeah, what's more divine than pleasure?". Like, I saw it suspicious. Way too friendly.
I decide to "confront" her on this, telling her that I find weird how she just agrees with almost anything I say, and how she kinda doesn't adds much to the conversations other than repeating what I said (although, she occasionally shared her life with me). I ask her if she wants something, or if she's just trying to laugh at me, or anything.
She says that those were not her intentions, that I genuinely was interesting to her and that she wanted to know more of me. She tells me that is weird for her to show that strange side of her and that she didn't wanted to make me feel bad.
I tell her that I'm sorry, that maybe I was overreacting or something, and she says that she's uncomfortable after that. All the excitement she had towards me seemingly disappeared, she went from sending me photos about her day and asking me how I was, reacting to my messages and everything, to just, not answer and that's that.
Maybe I'm again overreacting, she already went a week without speaking to me (I didn't noticed at time, but she said she was on a trip) and now it could be the same, but I really think I fucked up with her, even if I didn't wanted a relationship, just chatting with her was nice, and I'm afraid she might not want to speak with me again..
I'm just venting really, because I literally couldn't believe a girl like her could be interested in a guy like me (I'm not ugly or anything, but I'm just incredibly weird most of the time, and I don't know how to turn it off).
I couldn't believe she wanted to meet me, so my brain decided that most likely she was trying to laugh at me.
A few days ago I texted her at night, when we used to speak, and at the next morning she sent me a voice message asking about my day and that, I replied as usual, and then she didn't even opened the message. I see her connected most of the day, but she doesn't open my message.
I genuinely can't believe how damaged I must be to believe that a girl who might wanted to be friends with me, was trying to make a fool of me. I genuinely believe I'm unlovable, and I can't stop feeling bad for her.

I clearly see my pattern in my past relationships: having no tolerance for perceived double standards or feeling accused or mischaracterized. So when I feel those things, I get defensive and try to stick up for myself, instead of just trying to see what my partner needs.
I’m in a good relationship now and I want to overcome this pattern so I can get better at relationships and help take this to the next level. My girlfriend and I have good communication until we’re hurt. I’ve been working on my reactions, taking a breath and separating my rational minds from my hurt ego. But like that’s one thing, she doesn’t think that’s healthy, and to walk away if I think I need to calm down in order to talk better is seen as immature.
We’re trying for the second time to live together and we’re in a small granny apartment on my parent’s property. It’s not ideal but it’s had its benefits. Anyway, she had to move out of her place and we hadn’t found an ideal place of our own yet, so she moved in with me at my parents. For context, I had moved away after college, got married and divorced, then came home to recover after the hard divorce. Now years later, I’m trying to make this new relationship work.
I feel like no matter what I do, she keeps telling me I’m not doing anything and is harboring resentment. She moved in with me and I had spent a lot of time, for example: making more shelves in the bathroom for her, cleaning out the bedroom closet and armoire so she could have everything for clothes, moving all my personal things out of the living room and rearranging to make more space, getting chickens and building a coop and multiple garden beds because she wanted them, I support her in building her business and try to help get navigate a stressful current job she reluctantly has while she wants to keep it. I financially provide and spend a lot of time working on my ego and not reacting from it.
Tonight has me really hurt, though, and my avoidant attachment is really kicking in. We had both worked all day and she was going to be late, so she said to do my own thing for dinner. I was working in the yard, took a shower, and was starting dishes, then planning to cook something for dinner. That’s when she walked in and freaked out because there wasn’t any dinner ready and the kitchen was dirty. She said she assumed that I might have food ready and was really disappointed. I offered to make her food and she said she didn’t want to think and didn’t want me to ask her questions. We calm down and try to talk later and she says that I didn’t do anything to prepare for her to move in. And that when I said my first priority was to make like comfortable for her here (but not complacent and stagnant), and second priority is to keep saving money and looking for a new house. She took this as so confusing and offensive and said we shouldn’t be comfortable here.
I get it she wants to move out but we have high standards and a lot of criteria we’re looking for and we haven’t found out yet on a place we can afford. So we’ve talked that we’re going to live here for the summer (about 4 months of time we talked about) and focus on increasing revenue and saving money so we can jump on a good place when we find it. A couple days, out of nowhere, she said that we only talked about staying 2 months and we have to be out by beginning of July.
I get that she’s anxious and needs reassurance. I repeat our plan back to her and she argues with it. Everyday she had a new idea that she wants to run with and I’ve seen she has a pattern of finding problems and focusing on them. She said awhile back that she feels anxious immediately upon waking in the morning.
How do I work with her and come from love and compassion when I feel legitimately disrespected and hurt? I communicate this and hold my boundary, and her response is, “do you understand why I feel this way?” And when I do understand, I say yes. Tonight, I don’t understand and I said that, then she stopped talking to me… until I started to do dishes again, then she came out yelled at me because I was making too much noise and she had to sleep for her big day tomorrow.
Am I missing something? My rough marriage was to an abusive woman and I didn’t have good boundaries back then and it took too long to recognize the issues.
Is this another abusive situation or am I being too sensitive, or not compromising enough? Even though I feel like I’m pretty much the only one compromising on things.
Thanks for reading. I tried to keep things clear as I could. Any help is appreciated.

Me (30) and my bestfriend Mary (31) have been friends for 8 years, during this friendship, Mary was aware that cheating on a relationship is a big no-no for me (as all decent people should). Even when I find out celebrities, colleagues or even people I don't know break up because of cheating, I get this bitter taste in my mouth. It's all because, all my life, my dad is a serial cheater and even now even after 34 years - he still is. It started when Mary and I worked together on a cruise ship for the first time in our years of working on different contracts - we finally got the same ship and same contract dates. She is already engaged by this time and will be married in a few months, so almost all the preparations are done. And since we are on a cruise ship and far away from our country, Mary and her fiance Mark (36) are on a long distance relationship. I can only imagine planning a wedding apart from your partner. I know it's been hard on her. Over the course of our 6 month contract together, she developed a lot of guy friends within the crew (people who work onboard the ship) since there are more guys who hangout on crew bars at night after our shift. I on the other hand don't drink so I just sleep early since I work 11 hrs a day everyday. Oftentimes, she goes back to our cabin drunk or sometimes with her new friends in the middle of the night, sometimes it will wake me, sometimes not, which being a crew member for a few years living with different kinds of roommates, i am used to it.
But one night, I cannot fall asleep because my partner and I had a fight and I was waiting for him to reply, i heard someone open the door and I heard a man's voice snickering(obviously trying to not make a noise) and Mary's shushing noise followed him. For context we live on a cabin with a bunk bed and I'm top bunk and I have curtains for privacy. Obviously they won't be able to tell if i'm awake or not. I then heard kissing noises and felt movements soon after - they were doing the deed. My gut fell and I wanted to be a mean nosy bitch and go down and ask them what they think they are doing but I just stopped myself, telling myself it's none of my business and that I can deal with her tomorrow.
The next day came and I talked to her - to cut the story short, she's been feeling sad and she's having cold feet. She felt loved and seen by this "guy" and when they talk he just makes her feel everything she will be giving up when she gets married. For context again, Mark is her first boyfriend and they'd been together for 10 years. She just feels that she has been missing out being with him for so long and said she "wanted to try some new things". I argued with her, that if this was the case, she should break up with Mark instead of sleeping around and cheating. I told her that if she gets married with these thoughts in her head, she would end up hurting Mark (plus there's no divorce in our country, only an annulment and it's hell to pay - not that it's an excuse just a sidenote haha). She said she would think about it and wait for the right time, but apparently - her thinking about it means she'll still sleep around with this guy.
I hate every bit of it, but she asked me not to say anything and to not ruin anything I am not a part of. I've known this guy as much as I know her, Mark, my boyfriend and I bond on music and biking and he is practically like a big brother to me. But, I also want to respect Mary's life and her decisions. I continue to be there for her, on her mental breakdowns and her bad days when she feels really bad with the things she has been doing. I advise her to do the right thing and tell him. But ishe asked me to promise not to tell, inside I feel so bad, because this is not what my convictions are telling me. I know I have to be honest and I feel that I'm betraying Mark by not telling him. And in a weird way, i feel that the trauma I had growing up with a father that cheats, now with a bestfriend who does the same thing is taking a toll on me. I actually got so anxious with this situation that I often zone-out, had no appetite and I actually lost a lot of weight.
Our contracts pass and we're about to go home in a few weeks and she's still sleeping with the guy and some others, still "thinking about it", still not letting go of Mark and still going through with the wedding preps. And she still begs me not to say anything. I cannot tell you how many times I drafted a message on my notepad composing what I will tell Mark. There were also times Mark messaged me and asked me why Mary seems so distant lately. The urge to say the truth is really hard to supress but because I love Mary so much I try to be understanding and wanted her to tell it directly to him so as not to humiliate their 10 year relationship.
Fast forward, I came home a week before her. Being back to the Philippines and seeing my mom waiting for me in the airport - so beautiful and kind and yet knowing how much she feels unloved by my dad made me snap. On that day I came home I sent a whatsapp message to Mary, "I'm telling Mark" and turned off my phone. I met up with Mark that same night and told him everything. He was dumbfounded, he was crying and we spent 5 hours on that coffee shop talking and just him on a roller coaster of anger, sadness and just plain pity on himself really. He really does love her. So much. My boyfriend and I took him home. He was just staring into space on the car ride home and I feel so bad and i had this lingering feeling that I know i did the right thing but i also caused pain.
When I woke up and turned on my phone I had a hundred of texts, missed calls and even emails saying that i answer the phone, that i'm an ungrateful friend, a backstabber, i am stupid and that i just wanted to see her fall because I'm jealous of her. She said she was planning to go home and confess to him directly so that she can reason with him to continue with the wedding despite the circumstance. She said that she had never seen this evil side of me and she pity me because there's nothing interesting going on in my life that I had to cause drama in other people's lives.
I felt worse. I haven't replied to her and it has been 3 weeks from then to today as of writing. I deactivated all my socials because i heard from a friend that she has been posting cryptic status online. They called it off and informed everybody on the guest list. I still receive e-mails from her to this day saying 'I hope you are happy' and 'You're not a hero, you're a villain.' Mark had messaged me saying thanks but thats about it. I think he is also off the grid and not talking to anyone. I feel so so bad and the way she reacted to me made me feel that I'm an asshole for telling, so am i?
P.S Sorry for the long story, I'm just really writing the way I feel about it as it is still so fresh.
And if you were able to read this Charlotte, just wanted to let you know that you have a lot of fans from the Philippines. <3 Keep up being such a great youtuber you are such a great company specially at times like this.

Troubleshooting Help:

*What is your parts list? *
PCPartPicker Part List

Type	Item	Price
CPU	Intel Core i7-13700K 3.4 GHz 16-Core Processor	$329.98 @ Amazon
CPU Cooler	Corsair iCUE H100i RGB ELITE 59.1 CFM Liquid CPU Cooler	$139.00 @ Walmart
Thermal Compound	Noctua NT-H2 3.5 g Thermal Paste	$12.95 @ Amazon
Motherboard	MSI MEG Z690I UNIFY Mini ITX LGA1700 Motherboard	-
Memory	G.Skill Ripjaws S5 32 GB (2 x 16 GB) DDR5-6000 CL30 Memory	$104.99 @ Amazon
Storage	Samsung 980 Pro 2 TB M.2-2280 PCIe 4.0 X4 NVME Solid State Drive	$159.99 @ Newegg
Storage	Samsung 980 Pro 2 TB M.2-2280 PCIe 4.0 X4 NVME Solid State Drive	$159.99 @ Newegg
Video Card	NVIDIA Founders Edition GeForce RTX 4090 24 GB Video Card	$1.00
Power Supply	Corsair SF750 750 W 80+ Platinum Certified Fully Modular SFX Power Supply	$169.99 @ Newegg
Case Fan	Noctua A12x15 PWM 55.44 CFM 120 mm Fan	$21.95 @ Amazon
Case Fan	*Noctua A12x25 PWM 60.1 CFM 120 mm Fan	$32.95 @ Amazon
Custom	FormD t1 Case	$250.00
	Prices include shipping, taxes, rebates, and discounts
	Total	$1382.79
	*Lowest price parts chosen from parametric criteria
	Generated by PCPartPicker 2024-05-29 00:28 EDT-0400	**

Running Windows 11
Monitors

• ASUS 24" vertical secondary monitor - HDR Capable - connected via DisplayPort

- LG - UltraGear 34" IPS LED UltraWide HD FreeSync and G-SYNC <- problem monitor, also connected via DisplayPort

• this monitor is also connected via HDMI to a laptop that I switch to for other tasks.

Describe your problem. List any error messages and symptoms. Be descriptive.

1. When enabling any type of HDR - the main monitor will go into a boot loop where it will chime on, flash the screen, and turn back off. This causes the secondary monitor to do the same thing
   
2. What I have noticed that triggers it specifically
   

• Enabling HDR in the menu
  
• Starting a game that auto enables HDR - Battlefield 1 for example
  
• unplugging the monitor 2 DisplayPort and plugging it back in
  

List anything you've done in attempt to diagnose or fix the problem.

• Only way I have been able to fix this is to manually turn off my PC, unplug Monitor 1's DisplayPort, and then login with Monitor 2. Once the login and startup sequence is complete, I can reconnect Monitor 1 and it works
  
• Games w/o HDR play fine, it seems though that games like Battlefield 1 automatically trigger the process
  
• updated all drivers and systems, and the issue persists
  

Post relevant photos of build/parts here.
None at this time, other than this, the build itself has been fine
Provide any additional details you wish below.
The Monitor 1 is only a few years old, if replacing it is the only way I understand, would like to see what other options are available

My ex and I (never been married) had a son in 2022. Prior to having him he began exhibiting mental health issues and started taking medication (inconsistently). He also developed a gambling addiction and lost probably over $20,000 in just a few months. His parents were abusive and he grew up in a broken home so I figured he didn’t know any better and wanted to help him get on the right path. After I had my son things got significantly worse. He didn’t want to help me with him, he didn’t want to get up at night, and he would scream and throw things at me, and call me belittling names all in front of him. In September of 2022 after getting into an argument, he went into our garage and turned his car on with the garage door down and tried to end his life. I ended up calling my parents frantically who came over and were able to help calm him down. Things continued to get worse and by August of 2023 I had finally had enough and chose to separate. I moved in with my parents and we have been keeping things out of the court and just between us since then. I have allowed him to see him every other weekend along with one night during the week given my son’s age and development. Fast forward to January of 2024 I decided I wanted to work things out with him because he would threaten custody and that he was going to take my son and I just felt like I had to way the risk of not seeing my son over being with him. I moved back in with him in May but we only lasted a week as he continued down the same pattern of name calling, throwing things, screaming, slamming doors and putting me down. I decided I was going to leave (again) and he got really upset and said once again he was going to end his life. My mom was on the phone with me a the time and heard him say that He’s also said things like he’s going to leave the state and join the marines and to take care of our son and that I would never see him again. I never text messages of him saying these things along with saying he has mental health and anger management issues. After moving out I hadn’t heard from him for a week and now he has petitioned to get 50/50 custody of our son. In addition to this his dad has even said to myself and my parents that our son is better off with me. I don’t trust him having him at this state right now.
My son has been with me since he was born and I am his primary caretaker as my job allows me to be home with him more than his.
Given all of that, what are the chances he ends up with 50/50? Especially given my sons age and his fathers mental health ** I want to add I am in the process of hiring an attorney in just trying to be prepared for what I should expect in this process

This started last summer when I got a traumatic brain injury and developed epilepsy as a result. Me and ex-friend were extremely close until my very first seizure happened at his place. His texts to me became dry and spotty, despite still talking with our other mutual friends.
This lasted for weeks, so I asked him a few times upfront if there was anything wrong.. each time prompting a different response. At first it was that ‘nothing was wrong and that he was busy’ then it was that he was too stressed to talk to anyone, etc.
BUT then he told me that he couldn’t handle this much negativity right now and that he had no idea how to help me with my seizures and didn’t want to be around when I have one and make it worse. This was nothing short of frustrating given the fact he never communicated these concerns to me.. but was trying to be understanding regardless.
Few weeks pass and all of our friends are hanging out. This is our first time seeing each other since then. He is horrible and rude to everyone the entire night. I lost my ability to drive due to seizures so my other friend drove me that night. So he decided to question me on if people can even afford to keep driving me around everywhere despite my family paying for my friends gas and it not being an expectation at all. I sob afterwards because I felt embarrassed. I communicated with him once I calmed down a bit and it didn’t go well.
Due to how horrible this night goes things fall out pretty heavily. He leaves all our group chats then tells me im somehow isolating him from the one thing keeping him alive (he was talking about being suicidal just before this). He reveals he’s jealous people care more about my seizures than his mental health. Any time I bring up not liking what he’s saying to me he starts saying I am misinterpreting his messages and implying it’s my brain injury.
I am currently stuck in a friend group with him months later and every time I think he’s changed he continues to disappoint me. I also don’t love gossip so I kept a lot of this mostly to myself. Most of my closest friends I met through him and they’re incredibly kind. I feel trapped because I’m kind of worried about losing these other people by disconnecting from him. We only ever hang out in group activities really. Any advice? It’s been a nightmare

I wanted to post here for feedback. I've posted before on other subs but I wanted to see what people's perspectives on this sub are.
I have been with my partner for 15 years and we have 2 children together. We were each others first everything. Our relationship has been very volatile at times and more than our share of ups and downs. I think we became attached and "fell in love" too quickly in the beginning, but over the years we've probably fallen out of love and if we're being honest our children are our main reason we're trying to stay together. We've recently been trying to work on our relationship more and it's helped a bit.
So 2 months ago I contacted a female my partner worked with 14 years ago while he was a manager at a retail store. I had always been uneasy about their working relationship but pushed my intuition aside for many years. She messaged me back and was very candid and open that they had been sleeping together nearly the entire year they worked together. She did not know he had a girlfriend(me) at that time. She said they would have sex every few weeks either in the office after closing alone together, in the car after work, or at her place. For a year. She said he told her he didn't have texting on his phone(he lied) so they only arranged things at work or over the phone. They never went on dates or anything but flirted and made out at work frequently and hooked up every few weeks. She figures they had sex a minimum of a dozen times from February until NovembeDecember when he quit suddenly and essentially ghosted her.
I confronted my partner about this and he at first denied it, saying she was crazy and making it up, that she was bitter, etc. I called him on this obvious BS, and eventually he admitted he vaguely remembers sleeping with her ~4 times during that year, but says the only times he actually remembers were during a time we had been broken up for 3 months later that year. She says it was the entire year. He also denies remembering pursuing her at work when he first started there, as she said he did. He doesn't remember giving her his number in the beginning either. He doesn't remember ever having sex with her in the car or at work or making out with her at work. She says it was pretty frequent making out and they definitely had sex in those places, but he only remembers it happening at her place. He essentially doesn't remember any kind of cheating on me, but says his gut tells him he did.
He described the times he remembers sleeping with her as "not good sex", that he wasn't really interested in her, wasn't really attracted to her, was just using her for the ego boost of feeling desired. Yet she describes the sex very differently, that he was definitely enjoying himself, that they would cuddle afterwards and he was affectionate to her. Not to mention the excitement factor from sex in the office or car. His account and her account couldn't be more different but I absolutely believe her because she was very apologetic and didn't initially want to give me the details, she never knew she was the other woman. She was hurt when he quit suddenly and ghosted her.
My partner came clean about another incident 11 years ago when I was pregnant with our second baby. He had gone out to a bar with coworkers and got drunk and went back to one woman's place where she gave him oral before he lost his erection and she drove him back. However I contacted her after his confession and she said that he gave her oral as well, but there was in fact no penetration but he did sleep over.
He swears up and down he can't remember the cheating from 14 years ago, that it's all hazy. He's been a chronic weed smoker and steroid user since I met him, if that has anything to do with it. I find it impossible to believe he doesn't remember actually cheating on me. It's convenient he only remembers the sex that happened while we were broken up.
Is this something I should be able to move on from? Given the fact we've been together for so long and he hasn't done anything shady(that I know of) in the last 10 years and we have children together and just bought a house. My heart is broken into a million pieces and I'm utterly destroyed but I don't want to break up my kids lives if there's any other way.
I'm upset that he was never going to tell me any of this, always denied any time I brought up feeling uneasy or suspicious. My intuition always told me there was something there. Hes always had an excessive porn habit and used to have a habit of checking out other women in front of me, sometimes to "get back" at me for thinking I did the same thing(I've never been that type, never cheated or looked at other men), or even telling me how many attractive women he worked with who would "line up" to be with him. Throughout our relationship he used to constantly accuse me of cheating on him, now I understand it was projection and I think I knew it even then but was too cowardly to face it.
Sorry this is so long. Do you think time has changed him? He cheated when he was 23 years old and then again later the ONS when he was 26. I don't ever want to go through this again, I don't know if I believe he won't cheat again and I don't 100% believe he doesn't remember the first time he cheated on me. And if he does remember but just doesn't want to admit it then that means he's dodging accountability.

i got a text claiming that i owed a debt to a bank called the CBW BANK. at first i had a feeling that it was a scam so i never answered but they messaged me again and i thought that maybe it was a bank that was connected to my college since i did have a debt owed with my school. i clicked the link and put in the last 4 digits of my ssn but it just led me to a pop up telling me to call their number to proceed. after that i immediately knew i messed up and clicked off of the link.
i didn’t tell them any other information besides the last 4 digits of my ssn but would they still be able to take my identity?

I've commented a few times in a few posts about my family's experience going through the F-1 to H-1B to GC route to migrate to the US and I've received a lot of questions over the DM, many of which I thought were pretty basic. I thought it might be helpful to put this primer together so folks know the right questions to ask and approach their planning more strategically.
This post is going to be very candid. I've noticed that the questions I've received come from misconceptions about higher education, F-1 visa, and what comes after graduation. I want to give folks the right information, but also temper expectations and give a realistic portrait of what it means and takes to use the student pathway to legally and permanently reside in the US. It is not a stroll in the park, and I don't want to give anyone the wrong idea.

BACKGROUND

Two of my siblings plus myself are all here in the US via the student visa route. I received my green card in 2021 after being in the US for nearly 4 years. After receiving my Masters at a prestigious university, I was hired immediately by an organization willing to sponsor my H-1B, which they did so after two years of employment under STEM-OPT work authorization. My employer started putting together my I-140 (Immigrant Petition for Alien Worker, which is the start of the process for an employment-based green card) shortly after receiving approval of my H-1B. As the paperwork was being put together, my partner and I decided to get married and I switched from employment-based green card to marriage-based green card. The employment-based green card would have added around a 3 year wait if we went through with it, while my marriage-based green card was approved in less than a year.
Both my siblings are currently in the same pathway. One received their Bachelors last year, was hired before graduation and has recently received approval for her H-1B. Their employer has committed to sponsoring their employment-based green card next year. My other sibling received their MFA last year and is now in the process of getting their O-1, which is a different kind of work visa. Like me, they both came to the US with a student visa. We were all very strategic about the programs we chose and how we approached networking within our industries.
We also prepared for years. I knew I wanted to get my Masters and permanently reside in the US even before I finished college in Manila. My siblings also knew that early on. So as a family we planned for years, including preparing financially because we knew that we had a very slim chance of getting free rides for our planned degrees. Our early planning also helped with our professional decision-making, because we became very strategic about what kinds of jobs we took after graduation in Manila (except our youngest sibling, who did her Bachelors in the US, so her planning revolved around her academic career in high school). I would say from start (initial planning) to finish (with the last sibling also now on the way to permanent residency), it took about a decade.

GETTING STARTED

Is the student pathway the right pathway for you?
The first question you should ask yourself: can you afford the student pathway to permanent residency in the US? Higher education in the US is not cheap. Universities very rarely offer full scholarships to Masters programs, and those that do are incredibly competitive. So you cannot depend on scholarships to help you pay for your degree--doing so will likely end in disappointment.
(PhDs are usually free and includes a living stipend, but the application process for PhDs are on a whole other level. I will not cover it here but I can answer any questions related to applying for PhDs.)
Most Masters programs in the US are two-year programs, and the average cost of a Masters degree is around $60,000 per year (source). That's $120,000--almost Php7,000,000--in two years. That is a lot of money. That does not include your cost of living, which depending on the location can vary. I personally spent around $1000 on living expenses every month (housing was through the school, so the cost of that was included in my tuition statement)--and that is living frugally in a very high cost of living city. That's an additional $12,000 per year. Of course, you can lower than number by living with family if that option is available to you.
So on average, you would need around Php4,200,000 per year for your Masters degree. Again, a lot of money. It goes without saying that the student pathway is a very expensive pathway to permanent residency in the US. Can it also be a quicker pathway than, say, being sponsored by a sibling? It can be, but that depends on how long it will take for you to save up for tuition.
What if you can make those numbers work? What else should you know?
I need to put this upfront: the F-1 student visa is a non-immigrant visa. Meaning that it is a visa meant for people who will enter the US on a temporary basis. This is why the student visa has no direct pathway or benefit to permanent residency in the US. You need to change status inside the US to one with immigrant intent or double intent to be able to be on that pathway or receive that benefit. That's where visas like the H-1B visa comes in.
You also cannot work outside of your school on an F-1 visa. During the school year, you are allowed to work part-time on campus, and during the summer you are allowed to work full-time on campus. Work outside of the school is only allowed if it's part of your curriculum (i.e. your program has a class for "onsite internship") and you are allowed to be paid while that opportunity is going on. You can do this part-time, but most legitimate universities will have limited opportunities for this (i.e. under your program you're only allowed to take credit for onsite internships one or two semesters). However, your eligibility to work full-time after getting your degree will be affected if you do this full-time for one year. If you want to jump from F-1 to H-1B, this is not something you want to do.
Your ability to bring dependents to the US on a student visa is also limited. You can only bring your spouse and unmarried children under 21. Dependents of F-1 visa holders are not allowed to work in the US (although children under 21 can go to school full-time). This means your spouse cannot work while in the United States, and that includes working remotely for a company in the Philippines.

APPLYING TO PROGRAMS

The student visa still seems like my best option. What's next?
The next step starts with you. I've received a good number of DMs asking me "Is Master of ABC the right course for me?" or "Will a Master of DEF get me a green card?" These are not the right questions to ask because they're not going to get you any good answers. Yes, we know the ultimate goal for taking your Masters in the US to get permanent residency. But the true purpose of getting a Masters in the US is to make you highly marketable and competitive to US employers that will be willing to sponsor your work visa and petition you for your permanent residency.
So you need to view this degree as a way to level yourself up professionally. I absolutely do not suggest getting a Masters degree in something "you already know"--the objective is not to coast while spending Php4,200,000 a year--but to be so much better at what you're already doing. Here's an example.

Maria Clara graduated from Accounting at a good university in Manila and now has around 2 years of experience as a CPA at the finance and accounting department at a multinational corporation based in Makati. She wants to get her permanent residency to the US via the student pathway and has done a significant amount of research on possible Masters programs and career paths in accounting in the US. She started reading into forensic accounting and realized how interested she is in various aspects of this career path. After looking through universities and programs, she has put SUNY Albany's MS in Forensic Science at the top of her list for a variety of reasons. One, it meets the education requirements for certified public accountant licensure in the state of New York. Two, even without a scholarship of financial aid, the costs for international students is not exorbitant at $23,000/Php1,320,000 for the year-long program--with some frugal living and help from relatives in the US, she can save that amount in 3-4 years. Three, New York is the center of global commerce--all the biggest companies and their accounting firms are either headquartered or have large offices in New York City, so she has a wide swath of employment options. Now she just has to get her ducks in a row and make sure her Bachelors meets the requirements for application, as well as put together a shortlist of other programs she should apply and create a timeline for herself and the milestones that need to be hit to make this dream a reality.

Bottomline is, your starting point in this entire process is reflection and research. You need to reflect on your own professional experience and skills, as well as your interests. You need to figure out which pathway will give you that professional and technical boost and do your research on available programs at reputable universities, what the job market looks like for your target profession, which companies are known to hire in this space.
Of course, you should also take into consideration your limitations. For example, you can only go to school in San Diego because you can stay with relatives while you're studying. That means your research is location-limited to however far you think you can commute.
When this is properly done, it should lead you to a place where you have a shortlist of programs to apply to. Each program will have their own application and testing requirements, as well as their own deadlines, so make sure to keep track of that.
PRO TIP: while grades during college are an important part of your application, many graduate programs put a lot of weight on your personal statement and professional recommendation letters. This is why the first step on reflection is critical--it gives you a good direction from which to build your story, which you will need to convince admissions committees to accept you into their programs.

ACCEPTANCE

I got into one of my top programs and I have my finances in order! What happens now?
Now it's time to apply for your F-1 visa. Your university will provide you with the documentation you need from them (this is mainly the I-20 and your acceptance letter), but the bulk of the documentation you need to present to the visa officer will mostly come from you. Namely, because the F-1 is a non-immigrant visa, you need to show strong ties to the Philippines. This can take a variety of forms, and oftentimes your mileage may vary especially depending on the school you will be attending (i.e. there will be less scrutiny if you're going to Harvard as compared to a university that's not that known).
If you did not receive a scholarship with your acceptance, you also need to show that you are able to afford the first year of matriculation. So bank statements containing the total amount of tuition, as well as room and board, will be important (usually the I-20 that the university will issue you will include this amount).
At the interview, be polite and only answer the questions asked. Do not offer up information not asked by the visa officer. I suggest you have a ready answer if the visa officer asks you why this particular school and program, but you should have this answer already if you followed my advice about reflecting and researching before applying to programs :)
Visa is approved and on hand! What do I do while I wait to leave for the US?
Networking starts the moment you receive your passport with your F-1 visa. You absolutely cannot and should not waste a single minute of your active student visa, so this is the time you start telling people that you're going to be studying in the US. You need to work your current network and find peers and mentors who will be willing to connect you with colleagues they know who work in the US or have ties to the US in your professional field. Let's go back to Maria Clara as an example.

Finally, after years of hard work, Maria Clara has her desired acceptance into SUNY's MS in Forensic Accounting program, and her F-1 visa was approved by the embassy without any issues. After celebrating with her family, she lets her boss know about her visa approval, who has been one of her most ardent cheerleaders during this entire process. Her boss has also offered to introduce her to their counterparts in the US once she got her visa approved, which is really important to Maria Clara--she knows she needs to get ahead of networking professionally since her time in the US is limited. She has also reached out to other people she knows in the company that engage frequently with teams in the US. She's messaged her college professors as well, as she knows that a number of alumni from her college have migrated to the US. Her plan is to get connected with as many professionals in her field as possible, connect with them in person once she's in the US, and build a rapport with as many connections as possible so she can be guided accordingly and stand out when the time to apply for jobs comes.

Remember that unlike US citizens (USC) and legal permanent residents (LPR), your time in the US is limited and bound by the rules set by your visa. So you have to be creative and get ahead in some way. You need to be more prepared and more strategic than USCs and LPRs because you simply do not have the time to dilly dally. Yes, enjoy and savor in the moment of seeing the fruits of your labor, but the hard part begins now. You simply do not have time to waste.

DURING THE PROGRAM

I'm in the US now and working harder than ever! Is there anything more I can do to set myself apart from others?
Other than to make sure you have high grades and you're setting aside time to build professional relationships, it's time to think outside the box. Remember that you are limited by the rules of the F-1 visa, so experiences such as an off-campus summer internship is off limits to you. You will need to find ways to strengthen your resumé that doesn't include working off campus, and that could take many forms. One of the most effective recommendations I've received on this is to do an independent research during the summer--you could do it via a professor whose class you really liked, or if you've made inroads with some of the connections you've been building since getting your visa, have a professor oversee a research project you could do with those connections. (This is still academic work, and many programs will give credit for this, so it is not considered off-campus work under the eyes of USCIS.) You can use your research to really elevate your skills and experiences when applying for jobs.
It's also time to seriously start looking at potential employers. You can use the connections you've built to get a sense of what the professional landscape is for your field, learn about peoples' experiences at various companies and organizations, and get a feel for hiring processes. Remember, you don't have a lot of time to apply for jobs once you near the end of your program, so you have to be armed with the right information to guide your job hunting strategy. You will need to put yourself out there and be the best version of your professional self if you want employers to disregard that they will need to spend more money to hire you rather than a USC or LPR who doesn't need sponsorship.

LAST SEMESTER AND GRADUATION

I'm in my last semester of my program! Any tips?
The last semester is usually job hunting season, so make sure that resumé is polished and your network is activated. By now, if you've done the leg work, you will have a shortlist of potential employers and you will have made connections in most, if not all, of them. Time to check-in and ensure that they know you're interested in joining their company and you'd like their support and guidance in doing so. This is one of the harder parts of this journey, and you have to be relentless. Use all the resources at your disposal to ensure your resumé is seen by as many eyes as possible, and that includes speaking to your professors, especially your favorite ones, so they can also lend a hand.
More importantly: submit your work permit application (more commonly known as OPT) as early as possible to avoid delays and getting stuck in the USCIS backlog. You need this permit to be able to work after graduation for a limited time (one year for graduates of non-STEM programs, with an additional two years for graduates of STEM programs) without needing to immediately require H-1B sponsorship.
Getting employed by a company willing to sponsor you is not the end of the line. All for-profit companies are subject to the H-1B lottery, which means you will be competing with other internationals for the limited number of H-1B visas allotted every year. So even with an employer willing to sponsor, the H-1B visa is still not guaranteed. You can work around this by joining what is a called a cap-exempt organization instead, and USCIS classifies those as institutions of higher education, nonprofit entities related to or affiliated with an institution of higher education, nonprofit research organizations, and governmental research organizations. That means more research, and more targeted strategic networking, given that your employer pool now is limited.

EPILOGUE

The student visa is not an easy or cheap pathway to permanent residency in the US. It is getting harder and harder to beat out USCs and LPRs for great jobs in companies that have the experience and resources to sponsor H-1Bs and GCs. You need to do your research every step of the way and prepare to do some really grueling work in order to be the better investment for these companies. Plus, there is the luck element of the H-1B lottery. But it's not impossible. It can and does happen--my family is a great example of it (we're 3 for 3 in this pathway now). Your preparation and willingness to go the extra mile is critical, and you have to be ready to grind for a while. Rest often only comes when the green card is approved.
For those still considering the student visa pathway to migrate to the US after reading this very long post--good luck, and may the force be with you.

She will not check my messages and would just text me reels instead and i will respond and she will just not check them again until like a long while later after sending me anotehr reel if i respond or if i just don't respond in a long while idk if she dosen't know what to say or just thinks i'm annoying and sends me reels when she forgets she is tired of hearing me cause i talk a lot so idk what to do she does this a lot i'm confuse if She's trying to send a message or something. She may have a neurodivergence ADHD i think i don't remember what she told me so maybe is that still just wondering if people regularly do that or is this a way she tries to tell me to stop talking to her? Idk i'm confuse

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now. I get so upset over little things and I completely rip him apart and then immediately feel so horrible about it. For example, tonight he texted me telling me he would “call me right after the basketball game ended” but he called me 10 minutes after it ended instead of “right after.” I don’t understand why that 10 minutes bothered me so much but it did. I went on to rip him apart and even hung up on him. I can see in his face that this behavior is draining him and it breaks my heart. He has never once raised his voice at me and has always been so understanding but I can tell it’s starting to take a toll. I always sit back and realize what I’ve done and tell myself that I’ll do better but then I find myself continuing to do it. I love him more than anything and I can’t stand to lose him. I’m just wondering if anyone else has dealt with something like this and if you did, how do you change? I’m willing to do anything, I don’t want to treat someone I love like this.

hey!! I'm currently working on a story where the main character is dyslexic. this is a pretty important trait as it brings trauma from her childhood (school wasn't easy and she wasn't treated that well either, as she lived in a small town where people would have prejudices). the story takes place as she is forced to take a break from college due to a broken leg; she overcompensates her lack of self love by focusing on academic validation and this forced break will help her rebuild her self esteem. she majors in fashion
I would like to ask if you have any advice on writing this character? I'm now writing a scene where she's texting with her romantic interest and I mentioned she takes longer to reply and prefers sending voice messages. she is a proficient reader as she's in college but of course reading activities would take more effort from her than from other students (and I suppose it gets even harder to read when the person is tired?) any suggestions would be appreciated! I have been reading the posts here this week to get more immersed on the topic