Navy instruction on house hunting leave

The idea is that these would be the effects of either a 10 (High) or a 1 (Low) in any given SPECIAL stat. This would probably only work if the base stat can’t be changed (like in FO4), but effects of items/perks are considered additions to the base value.
These are mostly just ideas for fun, as I’m sure they would be hard to integrate in a game or even game-breaking.
S:

• High: break through light doors, floors, and walls (including abandoned houses) with melee/unarmed, can lift large corpses/objects with ease
  
• Low: cannot lift medium objects, cannot block, all incoming melee attacks cripple, stagger, or knock prone
  

P:

• High: detect all lies in dialogue, lockpicking automatically succeeds, additional caps and rare materials in containers, VATS always 100% if target can be detected
  
• Low: Increased frequency of ambushes, traps completely invisible, unable to react or respond to lies, no proximity alert in sneak nor damage direction alerts in combat, VATS chance never above 20%
  

E:

• High: Infinite sprint; extremely low AP drain from activity; immune to disease, radiation, and addiction
  
• Low: Cannot sprint, extremely fast AP drain from activities, addiction immediately kills, disease kills in 24 hours, background radiation constantly ticks
  

C:

• High: pass all speech checks, merchants give free gifts, faction enemies parlay before battle (and possibly surrender), never offend companions
  
• Low: fail all speech checks, merchants will only trade once then refuse to trade further, all companions leave if anything offends them, all factions hate player
  

I:

• High: Pacify and command robots at will, hacking automatically succeeds, can disable/sabotage power armor, half material usage and no limits on crafting/constructing, stimpaks instantly and completely heal all wounds/conditions
  
• Low: hacking automatically fails, can’t use power armor nor energy weapons, can’t craft nor construct, all letters/words/numbers jumbled and distorted, can’t heal crippled limbs unless a doctor does so
  

A:

• High: undetectable while sneaking in dark/dim light, insta-kill melee while sneaking, no AP cost in VATS, automatically succeed pickpockets
  
• Low: sneaking fails immediately, pickpocketing fails immediately, can’t use VATS, chance to stumble randomly while sprinting, 1% hip-firing accuracy
  

L:

• High: random events and encounters are always positive, enemies will sometimes die of natural causes in combat, gambling always succeeds, fetch quest items sometimes appear in player’s inventory
  
• Low: Factions often confuse you with their enemies, random encounters and events are always negative, radiant quests often fail randomly, gambling always fails, legendary enemies more common in early game and less common in late game
  

My first dog will be gone soon
My cute dog (American Cocker Spaniel) will pass soon. He already had a bad start when he was still with his mom (inexperienced breeder). He spend the first few weeks in the hospital. Some of his brothers and sisters didn’t make it, but he did. When we had our first check up the vet told us that his lungs are not in a very good shape. The rest of his body was fine with the exception of his teeth which were close together and had some plague already.
During the years we encountered some problems. After weeks of searching what is happening we found he has an severe longterm allergy for beef. We eliminated everything which contains beef, they are everywhere even in Salmon Biscuits… after the elimination it went ok and we even got a second dog.
Everything was going well. He had some problems with teeth (bad shape, due to bad start and medicine there) and his temper like food protection or barking at cars / bikes, but it was fine and he got a good checkup every year including titer tests which were always ok. His health started to decline in the summer of 2023. He started limping on his front feed and was eating worse. We also noticed 2-3 weird spots on his skin which seems like hotspots. The vet told he was a bit heavy, he had a stiff neck and his intestines were a bit puzzled. A few sessions of acupuncture, good washing and balanced diet could help him, and it did help him for a few weeks.
In the winter his health suddenly declined and the weird spots on his skin increased and expanded over his entire body with crusts. He was losing a lot of hair. After a few vet visits, some medicine and some tests we discovered that he was highly allergy for almost everything you could imagine. This was a big message for me and my wife as it would mean we should change in the house a lot while we also have a other dog who lived the same life in perfect health. We switched to special hypoallergenic dog food of Hills so he does not react on that food and keep the other dog on his current food. We had to lock both pets apart and clean up where the other pet and also where we ate so he can’t get any other food in his stomach.
This worked for a few weeks. He remained happy when someone is home, we went to the forest or beach regularly and if I leave the house I always wants to be back as soon as possible to see my family again. I mainly work from home, so the two pets are always around and I have a deep emotional connection with them.
Unfortunately, the spots came back rapidly and he was shaking a lot. His teeth’s were also declining rapidly and his movement worsened that he could jump on the couch anymore and the stairs are done step for each step. We shifted from dexamethasone to Prednisone to see any difference, but recently we came to the conclusion that this and other treatments are not giving the results we and the vet wants. I was still looking for possible solutions, but my wife (had dogs in the past) and vet intervened that he is sick and everything we are doing could at the best only suppress symptoms, we were not making him better. The vet said we were doing everything right on food, health etc. But basically his immune system is failing and not doing what it is supposed to do.
This week we decided to put him down. He will get his final rest next Saturday, on his fifth birthday. I’m devastated and keep crying that it is going to happen. Never had a pet during my youth and I’m just worried about the gap of the unconditional love he will leave. I’m also worried about my second dog who never has been alone and plays a lot with him and what this change will do with him.
While I’m writing this, my dog is sitting next to me and shaking. I find it very difficult he is passing at such a young age and weird thoughts are going through my mind if i could have prevented this, do things differently or anything to expand his time here with us. No matter what, I love him and keep carrying the awesome memories and the times he dragged me and my wife through really hard times in my heart. I saw this community and all the kind messages and advices, i thought i would give it a go also with my story and I’m open for advices on how to deal with the pain and some possible ideas to keep him close with me even if he is not there anymore.

TL;DR My ex-wife, with whom I share 2 children, believes I shouldn’t cut off her monthly allowance now that she’s in a new relationship.
Context: During COVID, I decided to end my relationship due to feeling undervalued and unsupported, and instead quit my job and pursued a business opportunity. We both share custody of our 2 daughters and have co-parented well for the past 2 years.
During our relationship, my wife was a stay-at-home mother while I worked as a shift supervisor, completing 50+ hours per week to pay the bills. Following the end of our relationship, I moved out but continued to pay those bills so my wife could stay at home care for our children.
Fast-forward 2 years following the divorce: my now ex-wife lives in a large 4-bedroom property that I bought in cash, while I still rent an apartment. I promised to give her 33% ownership of the home as a gift for being the mother of our children and the kids will receive the rest when they’re older. This is now under a signed contract which states she cannot take me to court for child support and first must sell her share of the property if she feels our child support agreement is not enough.
the private child support agreement we have is $800 per week, which is plenty, and an additional $2000 AUD allowance. With no mortgage to worry about, her expenses are very cheap which leaves her more well off than most professions, and she spends every dime of it. every single week, she doesn’t have a penny left.
The reasoning behind the allowance was simple: If I can look after her and can give her the opportunity to stay at home and be with our children full time I will do that to the best of my ability. I also want my daughters to understand that I never left their mum struggling, but instead made it my duty to go above and beyond to support her.
Now, here's the problem: My ex-wife has been in a 4-month relationship with a 22-year-old security guard who makes minimum wage and recently moved into the house with her and the children. I told her that now the relationship is serious, it’s time to re-evaluate her monthly allowance, which essentially led to a complete breakdown.
My point of view is that now that she has a new partner, it should be their responsibility to support themselves financially, regardless of my financial situation.
Her point of view is that she doesn’t see how a new relationship should affect her allowance. She told me he doesn’t make a lot of money, and by doing this, I’m essentially asking her to choose between her relationship or the money.
She believes that by removing her monthly allowance, I’m enforcing control over her and punishing her for having another relationship. She blames me for her being a stay-at-home mother stating that if she could work she would.
To my surprise, a couple of friends have also taken her side, but I can’t help but feel some of them are angry about my financial success, motivating their support behind my ex-wife. If this was any normal couple I would think it’s ludicrous to expect your ex-partner to pay you. Especially if you’re in a new relationship.
In the past year, not only have I given her a hefty allowance, but I also bought her a new Audi RSQ8 to replace her Hyundai Santa Fe, and when she complained the car was too big, I bought her an Audi RS3 Sportsback. I let her spend $190,000 furnishing the house I bought, along with top-of-the-line everything. I’ve bought clothes, paid for dinners, hired a house cleaner, and a guy to maintain the lawns. She also wanted a $20,000 trained German Shepherd to protect the house which I declined.
Despite this she has accused me of being selfish, greedy, red-pill, and even anti-feminist simply because I don’t want to give her more money.
It seems like she expects me to give her and her partner a free ride on my money, and not many people seem to see it from my point of view.

My baby is 3 months old. Today was super hard, he was smiling/giggling for the first part of the day. We were being goofy and I even got him to laugh! 'It was one 'heh' but it was definitely a laugh. Well right after this he went from smiling/goofy to SCREAMING. For the next five hours. I fed him and it just got worse, so I thought it was gas. I could take him outside and he would quiet down, or on a car ride. Well, on this car ride I found a dog on the side of the road(more about this later) an absolute sweetheart of a dog. He had a rabies tag, so I figured I'd call the number on the tag later. The dog sat in the front seat the whole drive back, really well behaved. Anyways my kid fell asleep when we got back for about 20 minutes and woke up screaming again. I gave him gas drops because I thought well more gas. (This is evening by now,, he's farted a few times since, and I've fed him since) he starts attacking his hand and I realize he's really hungry. Feel like absolute ass. I'm hoping his bottles weren't too small and he was just hungry. I feed him again and he's a happy baby all smiles for the first time in like 5-8 hours and he fell asleep. Well, I told my husband about the dog and his first response was 'you let a dog in the car with our child?' At this point I'm pissed. Our relationship hasn't been going very well lately, and this just sent me over the edge. Seems like he was implying I put my own kid in danger, when in my opinion I clocked that this dog was an absolute sweetheart(so far accurately) had him in the front seat the entire time while my kid was safely in his carseat in the back. These are also backroads so its not a lot of traffic. I would have been able to stop the dog or kick the dog out if it tried getting into the backseat, but he didnt, and i couldnt just leave him on the side of the road. So I lost it. Then he said he was just 'asking questions'. He's said stuff like this to me. Once when my kid had been crying a lot and I couldn't seem to fix it, I was laughing to myself while trying to soothe him so i didnt start crying, and he comes in and asks me 'are you mentally okay??? Why are you laughing at him when he's in pain?' Like I would laugh at my son for crying....
Anyways. My relationship is falling apart. My house is falling apart. I try really hard to keep shit together, but it keeps falling apart. I feel like a failure.

Some context I am F 18 and my boyfriend is M 18 this happened on May 12.
When me and my boyfriend first got together my one and only condition was no drinking. I absolutely hate drinking and I hate what it does to people. My dad was an alcoholic and I already have many of his traits so I am personally scared that if I drink I’ll have the same reaction to alcohol as him. So after explaining this to my now boyfriend he agreed and said he doesn’t really want to drink anyway and agrees to not drink anymore. This week we went on vacation with many of his old friends and people I didn’t really know too well for prom. He hadn’t really talked to these people in about a year almost two since we got together. His mom (who I can’t stand and also abuses alcohol) was also there along with some other parents. The first night was good we had fun and enjoyed ourselves without drinking.
The next day was prom and after getting ready and pictures we left for the dance. While there one of the boys at the beach house we were staying at asked my boyfriend if he would be drinking (btw this boy calls himself Rrezzy and has no future plans.) After being asked that my boyfriend told “Rrezzy” to ask me when he did I said no and that was that. My boyfriend didn’t say anything to me until I asked if he wanted to he said no then I asked if he was lying and he said yes. I got upset because why would he want to drink, he said he would give it up if we got together and I thought he was having fun being sober with me. If he did end up drinking he would have went back on his word and I would be the only sober person there. On the way back to the beach house we didn’t say a word to each other and I didn’t see him for a little when we got back. I then got a text from him saying he was going to drink.
I asked why and started crying I said we were going to break up if he drinks which he knew because i had told him that would happen before we even got together. He said “Then we are going to break up” and I started crying even more. It felt like he was choosing drinking and partying over me with people he didn’t even know anymore. I walked inside and saw him sitting on the couch with his drunk ass mom. I then walked outside to the front porch and told him to come outside so we could talk in person. After maybe 15 minutes of talking he was unsure if he would drink or not. His mom then came outside and I walked down the stairs because I didn’t want to be around her. I was still in earshot and heard them talking she was saying how we should just break up and how I’m not the one and I can’t handle him leaving ( he’s going to college soon 5 hours away.) After she left I went back up and asked what he was going to do and he said we are breaking up then went inside.
I started panicking and crying when I tell y’all I broke down I’m not being dramatic he’s my person and I couldn’t believe what was happening. I went inside after a little and saw him standing next to his mom by the alcohol I started crying and went into the other room so people didn’t see. After about 40 minutes I texted him to come to that room and when he did he smelled of alcohol. I told him I changed my mind and wanted to still be together I’m fine with him drinking if it is what he wanted to do. He didn’t respond then I asked if he even wanted to be together before all this happened. He said no and that he doesn’t want to date anymore. I tried to convince him to just talk to me and we can figure it out. He stayed but said some horrible things. He started saying how he always thinks about breaking up with me and cheating on me. He started crying and said I shouldn’t be with him and that he’s a horrible person he kept saying how he wants to go party with girls while I’m not around. After about 30 minutes of that he laid down and was still crying I was trying to help calm him down and he did after awhile.
He ended up saying how he still wanted to be together and he wouldn’t drink again. The next morning we were talking about it and he said he was sorry and that he is just scared of leaving. I forgave him and we are still dating today. I just cannot forget about everything he said he explained that he just said it because he was mad and upset but I just cannot forget about it.
I really don’t know what to do and I’m just so confused. We’ve already talked about it for three days now but anything he says just doesn’t help ease my mind. And I can’t just keep bringing it up because it makes him veryyyyyy upset when I do. I just need any and all advice on how to move forward.

Playing on Interloper, just passed Day 70. I'm trying to get the Tales done for the first time so I'm planning to start Signal Void. Off I go from Mystery Lake to Forsaken Airfield. I get out there, get the walkie, start the quest up. I have enough food on me to get back, around 40 cat-tails at this point. It's blizzarding in FA so I don't hunt there. I decide to head back on the first clear day. In hindsight, I should have hunted.
Anyway, the trip back is not really eventful but I am not doing a good enough job of keeping my condition up. I am definitely pushing too hard to get back to ML faster. Thinking about it now, I don't even know why I was in such a big hurry. I pushed all the way through Broken Railroad (which I have not looted yet) and things are not going too bad, but the Muskeg is windy as heck and my condition drops below 10%. I have to use a stim to get to the derailed train so I can warm up and recover a bit. I use my last birch bark tea and rest a few hours with the fire burning. I wake up, make a couple of coffees and head off to Camp Office in ML. But it's still pretty dang cold (despite me being at +23 gear). My condition slips back below 10% and now I've got a wolf trailing me. I'm not worried about the wolf really but my condition being so low definitely had me focusing on pushing back to camp office. I get back and at this point I have a couple of cat tails left but no other food. The only food in Camp Office is a couple of ruined dog foods, and I don't want to roll the dice with food poisoning when I'm already under 10%.
So I reluctantly decide that I will eat a piece of bear meat. I am about halfway to Cooking 5 at this point so I still have to be mindful even with cooked food. Surely the 1% intestinal parasites won't get me. Well... turns out I didn't have to worry about the parasites. The 30 KG of bear I left in the rock cache outside Camp Office has of course, disappeared because it dropped to 0 condition. Whoops. This is even funnier to me because I almost never bother with a rock cache for anything. I'll just leave the stack of meat in the snow. And this is why! So... I have no choice, gotta try the Dog Food. I manage to get food poisoning from BOTH cans. Luckily I have medical supplies so I take a reishi tea and then sleep. Get up after my needed 10 hours and obviously mission 1 is food. But my condition is still hovering around 10%.
It's not storming out, but there's no deer about, no ptarmigans nearby. I decide my best bet is my two fishing tip-ups in the nearby fishing huts. I take my coal and some sticks out there. I check the first hut and... line breaks. Well, okay. Check the second hut... at this point it is getting dark, so I am pretty sure I am spending the night in this hut and I need to get lucky here. Thankfully, this line does not break. I catch a big fish, one I've never seen before (the high-level tackles can give you different fish) worth almost 2000 calories. So obviously I cook it up. At that point there's no way I'm chancing a return trip across the lake, since I have enough coal to get through the night. I keep fishing and thankfully this line manages to net me a few more fish before it snaps. By then it's time to sleep anyway. I trek back to Camp Office the next morning with about 1400 calories of fish to get me to my next destination. I stopped there, and have not yet decided my next destination. I might try to hunt the deer near the dam or in Ravine, since my condition is still low and I don't want to continue with the Lost Signal quest until I'm healthier.
So yeah anyway if you read all that, congrats you are also a Long Dark addict like myself. A bit of a harrowing tale, but also I feel like it's not very uncommon for any of us that play. Most of my deaths in this game are user error leading to bad luck, or vice versa. In this instance I made one questionable choice (leaving FA) and that fed into another (passing through BR rather than stopping) which led me to bad choices (how to feed myself back in ML because my bear meat is gone). As I am reminded every time I travel there, it's called "The FAR territory" for a reason. In the end I was lucky enough to survive so... we'll see how I screw it up next.
TLDR: Return from a long excursion almost dead, 30 KG of bear meat decayed and vanished in a rock cache. Horror, chaos, etc.

So I had previously written on how my wife emotionally abused me over my porn addiction and sexting before marriage to get what she wanted and then use my past and childhood trauma against me .
https://www.reddit.com/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/1cnqcox/im_not_angry_my_wife_was_involved_in_emotional/
Then her sister intevened and then we decided to move ahead . It was good for 2 weeks but then I asked him how she is going to close with AP. She said she will tell him directly but then they were going to office at different times but could not meet .
So I told her to call him in front of me and close it . She she did this .
She called and said to him to stop chatting as her husband saw the chats and he said I'm sorry I only talked like a friend etc.
I got pissed and we had another fight . This time she was angry why I'm pissed even though she ended it . I said she didn't end with telling him what he did instead made me look like a suspicious husband.
I said she would rather be polite with a guy who almost ended her marriage and can even end even now. But she said again
" Look i didn't have sex with him"
Don't make it look like an ievement, you are just months or weeks away from that .
I said " tell that your husband didn't get any evidence of you indulging in physical affair "
And brought up a trip .
Context: Around 8 months ago , she asked if she can go to a colleague wedding in another city and I agreed. But apparently she wasn't happy with the way I nodded.
I called the day she reached and she said she is in a resort. I got pissed, she has gone with 3 male and one female colleague to resort a day before marriage and did rafting , sailing etc.
When she came back and I asked her why she didn't tell, she said i never asked about it so she never told and her mom and sisters know about it .
This caused a huge fight over permission but I never suspected her of cheating but rather not asking me before she went .
I said I don't have evidence of what you did at that resort and it's human nature to protect their friends so I won't even ask them ass they will cover for you .
I know there is a high chance she didn't but I wanted to hurt her for the hurt she caused.
This causes even more issues and we had an intervention. I thought this is becoming one sided so I told this time my sister will do it . But she still brought their sister to her house .
Initially while we started talking, her other sister said to my sister " actually it's not even cheating at all" . I got pissed and it set the tone.
Unlike last time,this time her sisters kept pitching in and tempers were raising.
Also I had told my wife to stay away from priya who was the other married woman in that trip and she has deleted their chats the next day . I asked her to get it from Priya and she says Priya accidentally deleted it .
This made me angry and i said you are a whore who definitely had sex in that trip and some other bad words .
My sister and later POS brother in law(my sister's husband) kept telling me , look what happened, happened.
Think about the kids, I'm a teacher and i know how tough it is for single parent child in a country.
I said that they are not understanding that I forgave her once but her follow up action made me more angry and suspicious.
Then my pos brother-in-law started shouting that I'm a person who repeat same thing, living in past, keeps interrupting , why did I have kids when I leave like a coward etc
Why don't I sacrifice for my kids etc , thinking selfish etc .it almost led me to a shouting match and he challenged me for fist fight thinking I was just 14 when he married my sis even though he is 5'7 and I'm 5'11" .
Finally they all made me commit to counseling and then take a decision.
Now she and her sisters have made me look like a fool in front of my dysfunctional family which was the root cause for my depression in first place.
I just need a virtual hug from you because I feel that I've noone to talk to . Counselor always politically correct instead of telling someone what they feel like.
I'm so down. There is not a single person who can understand what I feel like . Everyone is talking of saving marriage but not about saving my soul which she crushed and then cheated me

Before I moved in to that house, my roommate was a fairly good friend because she was close to my ex who had recently passed from a heart condition. We got close while grieving his passing and felt a responsibility to help when we could. I had blessings coming in by the multitude and asa Buddhist I must give to receive or lose even more than having. She fell back into active addiction and since she put her home in her mom's name during her divorce 3-4 years prior, her mom was threatening to kick her out if changes weren't made because she has been covering all the taxes and living expenses of her and her then boyfriend, who lived with her at that time. I offered her a job working for me and offered to help with bus fare and provide lunch on days she worked. Her relationship was getting pretty toxic and she worked 2 days, asked to be advanced for 4 more days she never worked, and stopped answering my messages entirely. It out the blue 2 months later she reached out and I told her I was moving out because my lease wasn't getting renewed and had to pick where I wanted to move to and fast. She told me she wanted him out and was going to get a TPO so he couldn't fight her on leaving and wanted to be able to sell his tools and things as"revenge for the abuse she suffered". I didn't agree with that but agreed to support her and her keep her safe. She begged me to move in to help reinforce him needing to stay away. I ignorantly accepted and moved in to her 2nd bedroom. The 2nd day there we sat down and hashed out the details with her mom who at the time said "sounds like you ladies know what you're doing so I'll leave you to it." She let her mom come by every day it seemed like but the home was "good thing she's not your landlord or we'd be screwed!" After her ex stayed away a while she got bored or lonely, not quite sure which. She tracked him down and has him over while I was working one night. I was furious as he JUST burned his friends house down to the ground and caught him trying to pour my diffuser oils on paper and they had burn marks on them like he wanted to set my room in fire. I told her I wanted nothing to do with her being around him and want happy that he was there. So he stole my house key while sleeping. No matter how many times I asked, I couldn't get them to give me another one after that. That led to me having to stay at hotels I would walk to when I couldn't get inside and had only 5 or 6 hours before my next double shift. One day coming home she stopped him walking away from the house as we were pulling up so she pulled up next to him and invited him over. I got mad and went inside after pulling up to the house and packed a bag to go stay with my boyfriend who I had to make leave after she asked him to move in too but we went with it and wasn't one of the big problems. I feel asleep early and woke up to ask kinda of messages about her not narcaning him but thinks she should. She thought he might not be breathing but then sent memes and made some jokes. This man couldn't stand opiates, he hated her doing them and was the heart of what they broke up over. He despised them and wouldn't have willing done fentanyl when you couldn't get him to take a Vicodin after pulling his wisdom teeth. He was on life support for 4 days and his family took him off when time he was brain dead from losing oxygen for so many hours. She was a licensed nurse. She knew what to do and how to help him. She said so many times. She's proud she did it and that terrified me. Not enough to destroy my spiritual livelihood and lie and cover up such serious violations. Her mom called me twice during the week he was on life support and once after. 2 days after I refused the last time to give the story of him being on drugs already, her Mom busted into my room and screamed at me demanding for me wake up and come to the living room immediately. She told me I was to get out immediately because I broke in when I was locked out and used my bedroom window to get in and left the house unsecured 2 times that she found when she came by to "check on things". I knew that's not how things in the real world go so I just avoided her and paid my rent as usual. Turns out earlier that day she went and filled for an eviction and had worked out with her daughter how to hide it. She was to remove all notifications and not mention anything so I would keep paying and wouldn't take my belongings and she could make money or keep them if she wanted like she got to do with her ex's things. She has most everything he owned on marketplace 24 hours after he passed. Online the court even notes that "service made to: adult female roommate" and labeled it "successful service" even though she was operating with a huge conflict of interest and nobody questioned it. I lost my job as she was hired by me to transport me back and forth. I couldn't afford hotels very long. I lived in abandoned houses. I'm back in hotels on vouchers now. I'm working and saving for a car to get a better job and get around. I got my cats back from her 6 months after but with wings and scabs on the one she didn't like. Obviously she abused her and I had to pay her to give them back in that condition. My other cat is pregnant but an indoor cat so I guess she let her out anyways. I was sent a message that my things that were left would be placed at the road at a specific time and told to come get what I wanted it it was going to the trash. When I showed up I was meet with police and her video recording me and my helpers in our faces taunting me about being on welfare and wanted to know where my free lawyer was because I would need one when she sues me for storage fees when I was refused the ability to retrieve my belongings 4 times prior. I set up mediation and she started and then ended it 10 minutes in. Nothing has been done about the murder. I still have all the proof and evidence. As well as witnesses. I feel like they are getting away with murder AND so much more. I was left without so much as a cell phone or transportation. I slept in streets. I have trauma from this crap and I'm overwhelmed with what to even to after her for. There's nothing legal about any of this whole situation. At one point when I was allowed to get a few things but not much, her mother drive right beside me while I carried my things tormenting me and laughing at me for being homeless and poor because "i was learning who I was f*ing with and getting the consequences for it". She literally said "bet you wish you would change your story now, didn't Cha?" NOBODY HAS EVEN TAKEN A STATEMENT FROM ME!! there's no story told as of now. Am off this was done preemptively. And no lawyers claim to take care like mine. Where the heck do I turn then? Am I just left to accept this because they have money and were able to take all mine? I'm in Ohio btw. This was September of 23

So I had previously written on how my wife emotionally abused me over my porn addiction and sexting before marriage to get what she wanted and then use my past and childhood trauma against me .
https://www.reddit.com/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/1cnqcox/im_not_angry_my_wife_was_involved_in_emotional/
Then her sister intevened and then we decided to move ahead . It was good for 2 weeks but then I asked him how she is going to close with AP. She said she will tell him directly but then they were going to office at different times but could not meet .
So I told her to call him in front of me and close it . She she did this .
She called and said to him to stop chatting as her husband saw the chats and he said I'm sorry I only talked like a friend etc.
I got pissed and we had another fight . This time she was angry why I'm pissed even though she ended it . I said she didn't end with telling him what he did instead made me look like a suspicious husband.
I said she would rather be polite with a guy who almost ended her marriage and can even end even now. But she said again
" Look i didn't have sex with him"
Don't make it look like an ievement, you are just months or weeks away from that .
I said " tell that your husband didn't get any evidence of you indulging in physical affair "
And brought up a trip .
Context: Around 8 months ago , she asked if she can go to a colleague wedding in another city and I agreed. But apparently she wasn't happy with the way I nodded.
I called the day she reached and she said she is in a resort. I got pissed, she has gone with 3 male and one female colleague to resort a day before marriage and did rafting , sailing etc.
When she came back and I asked her why she didn't tell, she said i never asked about it so she never told and her mom and sisters know about it .
This caused a huge fight over permission but I never suspected her of cheating but rather not asking me before she went .
I said I don't have evidence of what you did at that resort and it's human nature to protect their friends so I won't even ask them ass they will cover for you .
I know there is a high chance she didn't but I wanted to hurt her for the hurt she caused.
This causes even more issues and we had an intervention. I thought this is becoming one sided so I told this time my sister will do it . But she still brought their sister to her house .
Initially while we started talking, her other sister said to my sister " actually it's not even cheating at all" . I got pissed and it set the tone.
Unlike last time,this time her sisters kept pitching in and tempers were raising.
Also I had told my wife to stay away from priya who was the other married woman in that trip and she has deleted their chats the next day . I asked her to get it from Priya and she says Priya accidentally deleted it .
This made me angry and i said you are a whore who definitely had sex in that trip and some other bad words .
My sister and later POS brother in law(my sister's husband) kept telling me , look what happened, happened.
Think about the kids, I'm a teacher and i know how tough it is for single parent child in a country.
I said that they are not understanding that I forgave her once but her follow up action made me more angry and suspicious.
Then my pos brother-in-law started shouting that I'm a person who repeat same thing, living in past, keeps interrupting , why did I have kids when I leave like a coward etc
Why don't I sacrifice for my kids etc , thinking selfish etc .it almost led me to a shouting match and he challenged me for fist fight thinking I was just 14 when he married my sis even though he is 5'7 and I'm 5'11" .
Finally they all made me commit to counseling and then take a decision.
Now she and her sisters have made me look like a fool in front of my dysfunctional family which was the root cause for my depression in first place.
I just need a virtual hug from you because I feel that I've noone to talk to . Counselor always politically correct instead of telling someone what they feel like.
I'm so down. There is not a single person who can understand what I feel like . Everyone is talking of saving marriage but not about saving my soul which she crushed and then cheated me

So I had previously written on how my wife emotionally abused me over my porn addiction and sexting before marriage to get what she wanted and then use my past and childhood trauma against me .
https://www.reddit.com/AsOneAfterInfidelity/comments/1cnqcox/im_not_angry_my_wife_was_involved_in_emotional/
Then her sister intevened and then we decided to move ahead . It was good for 2 weeks but then I asked him how she is going to close with AP. She said she will tell him directly but then they were going to office at different times but could not meet .
So I told her to call him in front of me and close it . She she did this .
She called and said to him to stop chatting as her husband saw the chats and he said I'm sorry I only talked like a friend etc.
I got pissed and we had another fight . This time she was angry why I'm pissed even though she ended it . I said she didn't end with telling him what he did instead made me look like a suspicious husband.
I said she would rather be polite with a guy who almost ended her marriage and can even end even now. But she said again
" Look i didn't have sex with him"
Don't make it look like an ievement, you are just months or weeks away from that .
I said " tell that your husband didn't get any evidence of you indulging in physical affair "
And brought up a trip .
Context: Around 8 months ago , she asked if she can go to a colleague wedding in another city and I agreed. But apparently she wasn't happy with the way I nodded.
I called the day she reached and she said she is in a resort. I got pissed, she has gone with 3 male and one female colleague to resort a day before marriage and did rafting , sailing etc.
When she came back and I asked her why she didn't tell, she said i never asked about it so she never told and her mom and sisters know about it .
This caused a huge fight over permission but I never suspected her of cheating but rather not asking me before she went .
I said I don't have evidence of what you did at that resort and it's human nature to protect their friends so I won't even ask them ass they will cover for you .
I know there is a high chance she didn't but I wanted to hurt her for the hurt she caused.
This causes even more issues and we had an intervention. I thought this is becoming one sided so I told this time my sister will do it . But she still brought their sister to her house .
Initially while we started talking, her other sister said to my sister " actually it's not even cheating at all" . I got pissed and it set the tone.
Unlike last time,this time her sisters kept pitching in and tempers were raising.
Also I had told my wife to stay away from priya who was the other married woman in that trip and she has deleted their chats the next day . I asked her to get it from Priya and she says Priya accidentally deleted it .
This made me angry and i said you are a whore who definitely had sex in that trip and some other bad words .
My sister and later POS brother in law(my sister's husband) kept telling me , look what happened, happened.
Think about the kids, I'm a teacher and i know how tough it is for single parent child in a country.
I said that they are not understanding that I forgave her once but her follow up action made me more angry and suspicious.
Then my pos brother-in-law started shouting that I'm a person who repeat same thing, living in past, keeps interrupting , why did I have kids when I leave like a coward etc
Why don't I sacrifice for my kids etc , thinking selfish etc .it almost led me to a shouting match and he challenged me for fist fight thinking I was just 14 when he married my sis even though he is 5'7 and I'm 5'11" .
Finally they all made me commit to counseling and then take a decision.
Now she and her sisters have made me look like a fool in front of my dysfunctional family which was the root cause for my depression in first place.
I just need a virtual hug from you because I feel that I've noone to talk to . Counselor always politically correct instead of telling someone what they feel like.
I'm so down. There is not a single person who can understand what I feel like . Everyone is talking of saving marriage but not about saving my soul which she crushed and then cheated me

I’m in a difficult situation. My ex and I broke up when I was a month pregnant. He was cheating, lying, and manipulating, however- a good dad to our 21 month old and never physically or verbally hurt me. I moved in with my dad who is very supportive and kind and my stepmom who is a recovering alcoholic with a lot of emotional issues. My stepmom seems to have gotten control of her alcohol use, but has been having problems “blacking out” while sober. I suspect it’s alcohol related dementia, but we don’t know. She can’t remember doing things and swears that she didn’t do them. Just this past week she was cursing me in the kitchen slamming dishes around, leaving me unreadable notes in my room about how my dad is mad at me (not true) insisting I need to start taking her to work and counseling for my dad (she has her license taken away for DUI’s) and now on mother’s day further making it seem like my dad and I are having problems and that I was spreading rumors about her that she found out through her coworkers. She has had problems like these the whole time I’ve known her (15 years). It’s becoming evident to me that my parents house is not the best environment to rely on my stepmom to help me with a newborn. My main concern is knowing I’ll be somewhere where my baby and I are safe and taken care of. My ex offered to give us a room in his house and help to take care of the newborn for 2-3 weeks. He was great with our toddler when he was born. I think I can put aside any old feelings I had and know this is good for the newborn. My bio mom will be in town helping me for a month and is welcome at my ex’s. However, my stepmom has said she’s not allowed to spend the night at my dad’s house or drive her car that I’m borrowing if I were to stay at my dad’s house. A third possible option is to rent an air bnb with my bio mom to take care of the newborn in. I feel like an animal and need to start nesting- nothing is ready and in its place- I have no solid plan. Thanks all.

Why can't these people go anywhere on time?? Yeh saba jab bhi mall jati hai to shop something, toh hamesha mall band hone ke time hi jaati hai.. I have observed it so many times.. Bhagam bhag hi karte hai hamesha.. Can't they leave their house a little early? Jaake aaramse clothes n accessories select kar sakte hai.. Bt no!! Inko toh raat mein 9 baje hi shopping jana hota hai.. Pata nahi subah se kya karte rehte hai😏🙄?

I really don’t know what’s going on… I’ve been dissociating since I was in his apartment I think… was this my fault????
Met up with this guy from Grindr he told me he is 37, I’m 18. He told me he was just looking for friends, no sex, which is what I’m looking for, we meet at a park and he starts making me touch his dick and touching him. He said I was looking tense and I wasn’t really talking much (I was pretty nervous, was shaking and pretty tense). He told me he’d get some alcohol and we’d go to his apartment so I could drink and loosen up. At this point I didn’t want to go but we were on the street.. how do you fucking run away?????? I could’ve try to run away but he was waaay bigger than me and if he caught me I was scared he would’ve beat me up… (he kept bragging abt how we was so good at fighting and he would fight anyone, etc… big red flag but I was too scared to go). We got to his apartment which was sketchy afffff, not really an apartment but a room. He got completely undressed and said he was a nudist, so he wasn’t doing anything sexual. And blamed me for implying that him being naked was sexual and I ended up looking like the horny one… kept insisting I took my clothes off but I told him no. He then grabbed me and started rubbing his dick against me. I wasn’t engaging at all but he kept doing it. For so many other reasons he was a weirdo and a creep… but I was in his apartment and it would’ve been difficult to escape, so my plan was to turn him off, talk for a bit and then go.
But he kept insisting and then he physically grabbed me and started being all over me and tickling me… 😓this sounds so pathetic ik but I’m really ticklish and he kept saying he’d stop if I took off my tshirt. Even though he kept tickling I resisted and didn’t take off my shirt. Eventually he got tired and took it off me. He commented on my body and how I was too fat… but I’m so confused… why’d he try to have sex with me if I’m not hot???????
Once I was shirtless he kept grabbing me and pinning me down, I couldn’t move and I was scared that if I tried to get free he would think I was trying to escape and not let me go/get violent… all of this time he kept asking for me to kiss him, and he tried to manipulate me by telling me that if I really wanted us to be friends and for him to be my boyfriend I had to do what he wanted me to do in order to satisfy him… told me that was the point of a relationship, making the other person happy even if you don’t wanna do something… he kept trying to convince me to kiss him… alternating with “oh it’s okay if you don’t wanna kiss me, I would never force you” bullshit…
I was really not into him and he was so fucking ugly (looked way older than 37, at least 50) so I obviously didn’t fall for any of that crap, but it didn’t matter that I didn’t believe it, he forced me into the bed and he’d rub his dick on me, he’d lick my fucking face and my ears, his dick smelled and his body was greasy… it was extremely disgusting, he was ugly, but he thought he was so hot cause he’s muscular, had a big dick, and according to him all guys were after him (he’s a foreigner that’s why). But it literally didn’t matter, he was so disgusting to me… every now and then he’d try to take my pants off or he’d touch my crotch, I was soft af 💀💀💀and he’d ask me why im soft… bruh, i had been physically resisting… i was not into him AT ALL, it was fucking disgusting…. I just wanted to go or find any excuse to go.
When he’d pin me down and force my arms he would bite my nipples… which hurt so fucking much. It progressively got worse and worse to the point that it felt almost like he was torturing me (???), my nipples are extremely bruised rn and they hurt so much. I tried not to move cause he was biting so fucking hard I thought it would ripped them… this was extremely painful. I was telling him to stop but I guess he took it as if I was into bdsm or I was into pain?????? I never told him that? I think he was trying to hurt me. He kept trying and insisting in taking my pants off. He said plenty of times he’d stop if I took of my pants. When I resisted he’d bite me like this or tickle me… every now and then he managed to open my pants and take them down a bit… but I always managed to get them back up.
One of this times he was pulling my pants down he also pulled my underwear and put my dick in his mouth… this was so fucking intrusive and I got so fucking scared. i resisted and told him “yeah we’ll do it just wait” but he was pulling me to him. I quickly put my dick back in (I stayed soft through all of this, mind you). And I got on top of him, like engaging… I found out this to be a good tactic. When he was trying to pin me down or getting to much I would “take control” as he said and make him think I wasn’t trying to set myself free, but trying to “ride” him(?). That was so relieving cause I could be free for a little bit. When he got to pin me down he’d put his dick so close to my face, thank god it didn’t touch my face, I was so grossed out. IT LITERSLLY SMELLED!!!
This was so fucking scary…. My glass with the alcohol he had poured me was in the counter, next to a kitchen knife. I kept leaving my glass there after I drank so I could reach for the knife anytime. Every now and then I would ask him to stop so I could drink, but he didn’t let me and he kept getting all over me.
All of this time (like 2 hours) I refused and managed for him to not kiss me. But at the end, some times I let my guard down he literally kissed me… fuck that was nasty. It happened like 4 times. Obviously they were quick kisses since I would move my head out instantly…
A little after that we went out, I told him I’d let him fuck me at my house… so we were walking outside and a crowd walked past us, it was the perfect opportunity (he was walking in front of me) so I blended with them for a little and then I ran. I hopped on a random bus that was going by and kept going until I was far. Then I went home…
All of this happened like 4-5 hours ago… I told him to fuck off on Grindr and it says he’s 0m away… I’m scared as fuck. When I was at his apartment he kept talking how he would beat up my dad or brother if they ever hurt me or said something bad abt me… if he’s actually around here I think we’re in danger. But has anyone had that glitch???? I immediately turned off my location permits for Grindr after I ran away so could it be that it’s glitched???? But I’ve refreshed so many times and it keep saying 0m. Every single profile does update the location but his keeps saying 0m. Is it possible that he followed me???? Or is it just a glitch?

First night in hotel, 3yr old woke up with 8 bites on his legs. 3 night stay, ruined the whole trip, they wouldn't let us know inspection results for a day.
We moved rooms but I freaked out about the heat treatment, "public bed bug bag," until we had results. So we didn't choose to do it. They started acting shitty with us, and then let us now know the room was negative for bedbugs, but they admit they're not always found.
Now...at this point...we leave in the morning and are thinking of leaving EVERYTHING here. Shoes, toys, clothes, backpacks, lunchboxes. We're just sort of shook up about the whole mess because my 3 yr old had 8 welts that look exactly like bed bugs.
Do you guys think I'm in the wrong? I just want my family and house to be okay. Idk how you wake up with 8 welt-like bites in one spot and it not be bed bugs in a hotel.

Follow on post from my last post surrounding my girlfriends friend smelling my socks. Thanks for all the advice on the last post but things have got a lot weirder.
She went to meet him to talk but this time at his apartment because tbh I don’t want him back at our house.
He apologised, admitted he did have a crush on me and said he wanted to talk to me to apologise and hopefully repair things..
However , during the conversation he had to leave the room for about 10 minutes due to a quick work call and left his phone in front of my girlfriend and she couldn’t resist looking through it after everything that happened and wow.
There was pictures of mens feet in public, people sniffing mens feet while their asleep, and my bare feet as well, we know it’s my feet because it’s matching the tiles in our kitchen. Creepily he also had a picture of me bent over in shorts getting something out a cupboard. My girlfriend deleted the pics off his phone but took pics on her phone for evidence and she left before he came back in the room. He’s calling her all the time now and wanting to meet but honestly I just think it’s done.
What do I do in this situation - should we tell him we know about the pictures or just blank him now and move on?

So as the title says it all started a few days ago when I was playing civilization 6 and it froze randomly 2 times and the third one was so bad that when I tried to exit the game, the task manager also crashed. After being stuck in a boot loop. Everytime it performed an automatic repair it just went to black screen with cursor. I went out to buy a USB flash drive and when I came back, the issue was fixed. I have no idea what happened, did an sfc/scannow and it repaired the files so I figured it was all good. I then updated windows.
Yesterday, same thing happened except it was worse. It didnt fix so now Im looking to replace my cpu/mobo/ram and SSD which is around 1k euro and I'd very much like not to do it.
Steps I've performed: - reseated RAM from 2-4 to 1-3 slots and the pc wasnt even booting, the power went through, it stayed powered on for 2 seconds then restarted itself. Like 4 times before I turned off the PSU and reseated the RAM back to slots 2 and 4.

• removed my HDD and the M2 SSD with windows on it and tried to install a fresh windows 10 on my other SATA SSD and the farthest I got was to drive partition which was frozen (shift+10 worked fine but no commands worked at all) 1). Fast Boot and Secure Boot was off in BIOS 2). The media installation tool worked fine on my mac through parallels so the ISO wasnt corrupted or anything
  
• when the PC boots, it makes a weird buzzing noise for half a second then it starts
  
• No sollution that I've googled for 5 hours works and if I ever see another microsoft "volunteer" recommend me do a chkdsk when the bloody thing wont get past bios screen then I'll resort to violence. I have no idea whats wrong with it and I am very pissed. Help me please.
  

Specs:
R5 2600x
16 GB 3200MHz Ripjaws V
Aorus RTX 4070ti ELITE
NZXT C750 GOLD
Corsair h115i pro
Kingston M2 240gb ssd (windows only)
Samsung 870 EVO 1tb ssd (games only)
Asus TUF 450-Plus Gaming
I feel like this is a Dr. House episode because I cant figure out what the issue is so I can replace/remove the problem.
I dont want to leave my PC to any repair shop because its a 3rd world country and I dont trust them with my GPU

A girl helps her older sister, without being there TW, suicide (self unaliving) lol
https://www.reddit.com/Paranormal/comments/1cqvq1v/soul_projection/
soul projection?May 13th 2024, 10:11, by sakeiura
TW: mentions of suicidal thoughts.
TLDR: sister appeared in my room and saved my life when she wasn't home.
something bizarre happened between my little sister and i when we were younger that we still can't explain to this day.
in high school i was going through some very traumatic things. one night i was in my room contemplating attempting suicide. before i did anything, my little sister knocked on my door, came into my room, and asked me if she could borrow my hairbrush. i said yes and sent her on her way.
she was so sweet and innocent, i thought about leaving her and the rest of my family behind, and it reminded me what i'm living for. if i hadn't seen her, i fear i would have gone through with it. seeing her saved my life.
the next day, she came home from her friends house. i was very closed off from my family at the time; i never knew what was going on in their lives, either never home or locking myself in my room and isolating. so i had no idea that my sister wasn't actually home that night. i confronted her and asked her about her borrowing my hairbrush last night, and she had no idea what i was talking about. she wasn't home.
i found out after talking with her for a while that she experienced something strange while she was away at her friends house that night too. apparently she had sat up in the middle of the night, around the same time i saw her in my room, sobbing hysterically and telling her friend "i need to call my sister. i have to talk to my sister." over and over again. her friend calmed her down and got her back to sleep, and the next morning, she had no memory of it whatsoever.
i'm forever grateful for whatever happened that night. but it is so unexplainable. we thought of a lot of different theories and learned about soul/astral projection type stuff and although still iffy it's the best thing we've come up with. we just wanted to share this weird story and maybe hear if anyone has any explanations or similar stories.
and remember, you are loved.
submitted by sakeiura [link] [comments]

Hi. So, this might sound dramatic but i'm very very worried that i might be pregnant.
I can't afford a pregnancy test, i can't tell my mom and i cannot make a doctors appointment on my own cuz i don't have a phone number and i am not really allowed to leave the house rn
My period is 6 days late and i am sexually active. If i'm pregnant it would already have been 16 days today.
I don't think i'm having any symptoms other than lack of my period showing up but i'm still so scared.
Me and my partner don't use condoms or protection of any kind right now however i'm supposed to be getting nexaplon next week.(Just my fucking luck😭)
My mom told me that if i'm pregnant she wouldn't let me get an abortion. She had a terrible abortion experince when she was around my age and she dosnt want me to go through that same trauma but i CANT be a teen mom..
I know that this is for my own irresponsibility and i'm not looking for sympathy i just need to know what you guys experienced in the first 16 days if anything. IT WOULD BE SO HELPFUL. 🙏
thank you all. You guys are amazing❤️!

TW: Alcoholism, drug addiction, violence, suicidal ideation, sex abuse
This is going to be a LLLLLOOONNNNGGGGG one. This story goes back quite a way, but yesterday was the tenth anniversary of the ending to this story and I'm feeling it, still got some guilt about everything that happened, wondering what I could have done differently and I just want to vent it out and hope to get some closure from it.
This story started in 2010.
Characters in this story (names are fake, duh!):

• Me, Guy, 32M at the time, 45 now.
• My BFF Stephanie, 33F at the time.
• Stephen, 40M at the time, Stephanie's boyfriend.
• Maryse, 27F at the time.

Background and intro
I had known Stephanie for many years and we had the kind of friendship that made her BFs and my GFs uncomfortable to put it lightly. We had never crossed that boundary and I wouldn't consider us in the friendzone, we were just friend, but the kind of friend where she would sit on my lap with her arms around my neck or her head on my shoulder.
At the start of 2010, Stephanie met her then boyfriend, Stephen. He tolerated me and my friendship with Stephanie because I also had a gf back then. She liked Stephanie, wasn't at all jealous of my friendship with her, so he didn't deem me too suspicious. Then my gf and I broke up for reasons unimportant and all hell broke loose for Stephen. He became convinced that I would try and steal Stephanie from him. He insisted that Stephanie introduce me to her female friends or female friends of his. Thus began what I called the year of the 50 blind dates. It was probably closer to 20, but still I like saying the year of 50 blind dates. Most of them were unremarkable and never went beyond the first date. There are some fun stories in there if anyone wants to hear them eventually!
In July of that year, I had to switch gears because I had to focus up and study for a professional exam for a certification important to my career. This exam required close to 600-800 hours of study over a 3-4 month period. So I hunkered down, told Stephanie to stop the blind dates for now because I had to focus on that. She respected my wishes and, other a text here or there, we went low contact for the last two months before the exam.
Except for one fateful night in September. Her birthday was in September and she always threw these big bashes at her house. She would throw a big pool party that started around noon and would go on to the wee hours of the morning. I knew she would harass me to go to her party, so I made some quick math and figured I would lose more energy and time trying to dodge her calls, texts and most likely visits at my place than by just going to the party itself. So when she called me to ask, I just said: "Okay I'll go to your damn party, now git." I texted her I would get there in the evening probably around 8. She texted back "Great, can't wait. Now study, bitch!"
So I ultimately get there around 8PM. Basically everybody is already drunk off their gourd. Stephanie sees me, squeals in excitement and runs to me in her bikini and just jumps in the air and slams into me, wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist and gives me a big hug. I hug her back and just keep walking back to the pool where she had started, carrying her with me. I just duck my head around hers and say hi to Stephen, who just glares at me.
She drops back down and I give her her gift. We chat for a few seconds and says "There's beer in the fridge and food in the dining room." I told her I'd be right back.
I go inside and grab a beer from the fridge. I head to the dining room and the table is against the wall with a buffet of sandwiches, tomato pizza, salads, etc. I grab a plate and start putting food on it. I was focused on the task because I was starving. I barely noticed, sitting at the end of the table one of the most stunning woman I have ever seen. I just see her in my peripheral vision and I do a quick double take, quick glance at her and back to the food. I do that a second time. And finally a third time. At that point she is just straight up staring at me and I can't help but chuckle and whisper under my breath "Subtle Guy, sub-tle".
Thankfully she starts laughing too, saving me some embarassment. I look at her and greet her. She says "Hi, I'm Maryse and I'm guessing you're Guy?" I just nod and we start talking. At that point, I just thought I have no shot with her, she's so far out of my league that I'm just gonna talk to her until she sees one of the "models" hanging out by the pool and ditches me for him.
So I'm not feeling like I'm playing for anything, so I'm just myself and not nervous, just talking to her as I would any friend. We chat and she laughs at all my jokes, she gets all my cultural references. She never gets up or ditches me. The plate of food I had made and the beer I had gotten are sitting on the table next to me untouched, I was too busy with the convo to think about food or beer anymore.
After what felt like only 20-30 minutes, Stephanie comes in and tells me, fake grumpy: "So that's where you disappeared to. I invite my best friend to a party and he spends the whole night talking to someone else." I laugh and go: "What do you mean the whole night? I haven't been here that long." She says "Dude, it's 2AM. You've been here for 6 hours..." My jaw dropped and I just said: "Wow, time flies when you're having fun." Maryse chimes in, with a big smile: "It sure does!" That made me happy as you can imagine.
Now I was a little stuck because where Stephanie lived, there's no night service for the bus and the subway had been closed for an hour or so. I figured I would cab it. So I turn to Maryse and tell her: "It was absolutely lovely to meet you and I enjoyed our conversation very much." She says that she did too. I continued with "At the moment, my schedule is incredibly hectic. I'm basically working full-time, studying full-time and sleeping part-time. So I don't have a lot of free time, but if she was interested, whatever little free time I had, I would love to call her or text her to keep on getting to know her."
I see Stephanie in the backgroudnd, looking like a proud mama at how smooth that came out, knowing I was always anything but smooth with women, as proven by the string of blind dates! Maryse has a big smile and we exchange numbers. I go to Stephanie to wish her a happy birthday again. While I'm talking to her, my phone buzzes with a text from Maryse: "Just checking!"
I asked Stephanie "What's the best cab company to call in this area?" Maryse chimes in: "Where do you live?" I tell her where I lived and she goes "It's on the way to where I live, I can give you a ride if you want." Stephanie raised an eyebrow in surprise. I learned later, she did it because it absolutely was not on the way to her place, like, at all. I say that I would love that as it would give us a chance to keep talking.
We get in her car, driving to my place. We talk, she asks me what I'm studying as I hadn't mentioned it earlier. I tell her all about the boring maths I had to study. Much too quickly, we get to my place. She parks in front of my building and we keep talking. At some point, I tell her: "Normally, this is where I would try to "trick" you into coming up to my place..." She interrupts me: "You wouldn't need to trick me. I'm willing and able!"
I tell her that "As tempting as that sounds, I know who I am and I know that if you come up and things proceed to where they're going, I'm not going to be able to study for the rest of the month. I have a kind of obsessive mind and when I find someone or something I like, I can push everything else to the side in favor of that. So to make sure I can still focus on my studying, I have to go up by myself."
She looks at me, a little disappointed but then says, half-jokingly: "We don't have to go up, there's a backseat right there!" We laugh and I give her a kiss and wish her a good night. I managed to stay strong and go back to my condo. Damn it, why did I have to stay strong!!!
My exam was at the beginning of november. During the month of october, we texted a bunch of times and talked on the phone. We went for coffee a couple of times and dinner once. She respected my boundaries and never pushed for more, which I appreciated but also hated at the same time, if that makes sense. The exam came and it was a monster of a Friday. I slept for basically 18 hours after the exam as the adrenalin dropped and my system crashed.
I texted her when I woke up at around 1PM. She was working at the clothing store Stephanie owned. She said "I'm off at 5PM, wanna meet me." I said: "Duh! Why do you think I'm texting? ;)" So I met her at the store downtown. I asked if she wanted to grab a drink, go for dinner, or what. She proposed going to her place and getting some take out. Stephanie who was closing the store at that moment, came up to us and said: "Hey, so what are we doing?" I said: "WE, that is Maryse and I, are going to her place and getting some takeout. Bye!" I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you that no food was ever ordered that night!
Thus followed a whirlwind month of November where any free time we had was spent together, and I wasn't going to complain!
The troubles
By the start of december, things were still going great with us. One saturday night, we were having dinner at a restaurant and I mention that this coming Friday is my office Christmas party, that it's employees only, so we wouln't see each other that night. She tells me: "Oh sure, that's fine! It'll give me a chance to go see some girlfriends I've been neglecting lately." I said "Great! BTW I also got us a reservation at [this great restaurant she had mentioned a few times] for next Saturday, so we could go there and I'll tell you all about my party and you can tell me all about her night with the girls!"
That was settled, I thought. I was wrong. On Thursday, we had spent the evening together at her place and I was about to leave to go back to my place. She tells me: "So are you coming to meet me at the store tomorrow or do I go to your place?" I reminded her: "Neither, tomorrow is my office Christmas party and we won't see each other tomorrow." She said: "Oh right, I forgot." I asked her if she had made plans with her friends like she had mentioned last saturday. She said that they were all busy tomorrow and weren't available.
She suggested "If your party is boring, maybe you could come meet me." I retorted that it wasn't going to be, knowing who was going to be there.
"Yeah but what if?"
"But it won't"
"But what IFFFFFF?" she kept insisting and I kept saying no. After what felt like 30 minutes of that (probably only 2-3 minutes in reality), I had enough and just said to end the argument: "Okay, if it's boring, I'll come. but it won't be." She said: "Cool" with a big smile on her face. I came to learn that that smile meant "Challenge accepted".
The following night, my colleague and I were pregaming in a conference room before leaving for the party proper and my phone buzzes. Maryse was wishing me a good party. I replied. She texted me again. I replied. She texted again, but I was in a conversation with a colleague so I didn't reply or even look at the phone. My phone buzzes again. Still talking, and didn't want to be rude to my colleague. Another buzz. I just kept talking. Phone buzzes differently, she was now calling because I hadn't answered her texts.
"Why aren't you replying to my texts?"
"Hey, sorry, was talking to my colleague Patrick."
"What? you don't want to talk to me?"
"I am talking to you now."
"Why didn't you reply to my texts?"
"Because it would have been rude to my colleague to pull my phone out while talking to him."
"But you're talking to me now."
"Because I thought something was wrong, maybe it was an emergency."
"I wanted to talk to you, that's all."
"Well, gotta go back to the party. Talk to you later."
She kept texting and if I didn't reply right away, she would call after two or three missed texts. After about 2 hours of this, I stopped answering the texts. When she called back, I asked her: "Aren't you supposed to be working?" which started another round of guilt-tripping of "why are you asking me this? you don't want to talk to me?" At that point I had had enough and wanted to enjoy my party. I remembered that the Blackberry (no shaming old tech!) I had had an annoying feature, but I was hoping to put it to good use at that moment.
Whenever the battery would get really low, like less than 1%, it would let out an ear-piercing BEEP for about 3 seconds, reminiding you to charge it and giving you a heart attack all at the same time. It would do that even when you were in silent mode. It had happened a few days earlier when I was with Maryse. I figured, if I press a button on the Blackberry, it would make a beep too that could be heard through the phone. So while I was talking to Maryse, I pressed my thumb on the space bar for a good 3 seconds and sputtered; "what... the .... what?" trying to put on a somewhat believable performance.
She asked what that noise was and I tell her that it was my blackberry letting me know I was low battery and it might shut off any second. I told her "Listen I'm gonna wish you a good night, I'm having a good time at my party so I'll see you tomorrow at 5PM to go spend our evening together. I hope you have a good....." and hung up mid-sentence. I promptly shut my phone off and went back to the party. I concede that I may be a bit of an AH for that move.
The party was great, I got drunk much quicker than I expected owing to the fact that I hadn't had a drink in over two months because Maryse didn't drink so I didn't either when we were together, and we were always together. At 1AM, I went home and passed out on my bed.
This is another place where I may have been an AH. I didn't turn my cell phone back on and I unplugged my home line too, because I wanted to sleep the deep sleep of the drunkard. I woke up at around 1:30 PM, not knowing it was already too late. In my mind, I was meeting Maryse at 5PM to go out on the town that night. Maryse had other ideas as you'll see.
So like I said, I woke up at 1:30PM and was sticky with alcohol sweat, so I went straight for the shower to get clean again. While in the shower, my stomach grumbled with hunger and I started daydreaming of bacon and eggs. That pushed me out of the shower right quick. I dried myself off quickly, tied the towel around my waist and went to the fridge. No bacon.... booo. Looked at the egg compartment... no eggs... booo again. Okay then, how about a cream cheese bagel. No cream cheese, damn it. Look in the pantry, no bagels.... god. I was starting to get angry. Okay, cereals then. I pick up the cereal box, that mofo was empty and I get mad: "who's the idiot who puts the empty box back in the pantry?" I remembered I live alone.
I close the fridge dejected and see the grocery list stuck on the fridge, taunting me with everything I wanted to eat for breakfast written on it. But I felt like if I went to the grocery store hungry as I Was, I'm just gonna pay 600$ and not get one single healthy thing to eat. I then remembered there's a restaurant next to the grocery store that serves breakfast until 3PM. I get excited! I get dressed quickly, grab my wallet and keys, put my boots on, my coat on, wrap my scarf, my tuque and my gloves and go to the restaurant. If you notice, I didn't mention my phone in there.
I get to the restaurant and confirm that they still have breakfast and get even more excited when she confirms it. I order the "heart attack", at least that's how I nicknamed it: 3 eggs, 3 servings of bacon, 2 sausages, and, I guess to give one peace of mind, fruit (or to be precise, one single solitary slice of orange). Now that the food is ordered and coming I figured I would check if I have any messages. I pat the pocket where my phone always is. No phone. uh-oh. I start clutching evert pocket, no luck.
I wonder if I should go back home after the meal before going to the grocery store and decide against it, it would be too long a detour. So I scarf my breakfast down, rush through the grocery store. I get home and set my bags down in front of the fridge. I go pick up my blackberry. I turn it back on. The little tape icon tells me there are messages on my voicemail, at that time there were no red dots with a number in it to tell you how many.
I connect to the voicemail while starting to put the groceries away. The little automated voice tells me "You have 25 new messages." I pull the phone away from my ear, look at it in disbelief as if saying: "are you f'ing kidding me?" So I press 1 to start playing the messages.
Remember: Maryse knew I was at a party with a dead phone, no chargers and I probably wouldn't get home until 1AM. From 6:30PM, when my phone died, to 11:34 PM, when she went to sleep she left me 9 messages. BTW I know she went to sleep at 11:34PM because she left me a message saying "it's 11:34PM and I'm going to bed. Thinking of you." The 9 messages were in the same vein. These are the salient details, but the messages were all much longer.
She woke up at 7:15 the following day, I'll let you guess how I know that tidbit of information! She left me 5 more messages like those from the day before: 7:15 woke up. 7:35 going to take a shower. 7:55 out of the shower. 8:25 getting ready to leave for work 8:50 walking out of the subway to go to the store.
She leaves me another message at 9 that was different. She sounded very excited as if she had had the best idea in the world: "Hey it's 9AM, I'm about to start my shift. I know we're only supposed to meet after my shift, but what if you came and met me for lunch so you could tell me all about your party." I just did my best Scooby-Doo "Ruh-Roh" and chuckled that I blew that, not thinking the calamity that was awaiting me.
Another couple of messages to talk logistics: "I could take my lunch at 12 or 12:30, let me know which you prefer." "I'm taking my lunch at 12:30"
A slightly worried message: "It's 11:15 and you stil have not said if you were coming or not, are you okay?"
The first bomb goes off and I knew I was in trouble then: "Where are you? We're supposed to meet for lunch and you still haven't given me any sign of life, you're not answering your home phone either, what happened?" Reminder: we were not supposed to meet for lunch, she suggested doing so a couple of hours earlier and I never agreed to anything. I guess she told her colleagues I would meet her for lunch and it was now fact and could perhaps make her look bad in front of her colleagues.
The second bomb drops: "It's almost noon now, WHERE ARE YOU? Stephanie says you're probably sleeping off your drunk, but I don't believe her. I'm sure you got yourself a slut and cheated on me. Didn't you? didn't you, you asshole." Stephanie knows me very well, but that wasn't enough for Maryse it seems.
Ensued four more messages from 12:30 to 1:15, where she starts sounding more and more drunk and accusatory, spewing more attacks like in the message above. At that point I already knew it was over, there was no coming back from that. I can understand having trust issues, but that was nuclear. I don't tolerate jealousy because of horrible experiences with a couple of jealous toxic exes.
A final message comes in, and it's a different voice, that of my best friend being more than a little angry: "Hey Guy, listen, Maryse tells me you had a Christmas party yesterday, so I'm guessing you're sleeping off your drunk, still. But call me when you get this. I put Maryse, who's f'ing drunk, in the backstore so she can dry off and "do inventory". She can't be on the sales floor obviously and I just don't feel safe sending her home in the state she's in. Call me to tell me how you want to handle this."
At that point I had finished putting away my groceries and had put my boots and my coat on and was making my way to the subway to go to the store. I call Stephanie and tell her I got the messages and I was coming. She was right, I was sleeping off my drunk and had just woke up (didn't feel the need to mention the breakfast and grocery store). I ask her if she knows what I'm gonna do when I get there. She says that she knows and understands. She knows my bad history.
When I get out of the subway, I call her again before getting to the store. I ask her how she wants me to do this. It's her store and I don't want to create drama in front of her customers. Does she want me to wait outside and she tells Maryse to meet me in the street or do I go in the store and she takes me to the backstore and I do it there? She says to come to the store.
I walk in the store and every saleswomen on the floor looks at me and gives me the biggest case of the stink-eye. They only have Maryse's side of the story, so they think I did all these horrible things. I see Stephanie in the middle of the store and I walk towards her. She shakes her head and points me towards the cash register. I look over there and see Julia, a salesperson that I've known for a couple of years and really like, who also happens to be the biggest gossip in the store. I understand what Stephanie is trying to do. She's gonna make me tell her my story in front of Julia so Julia can spread the "good news" to the other employees and rehabilitate my name possibly.
So I get to the register and say Hi to Julia. She barely acknoledges me. Steph joins me. She asks me:
"How are you?"
"I was better an hour ago, before I listened to those voicemails. I had gone to our office party last night, had a great night, got drunk off my ass, got home at around 2 and woke up around 2."
Julia asks "Maryse told us you were supposed to meet her for lunch."
"No we weren't. I have a reservation for tonight at XYZ restaurant. I was supposed to take the day to do errands, stuff around the condo and meet her here at closing time. She suggested that it could be fun if I came at lunchtime to meet her, but that was never the plan."
Julia asks again "But why didn't you answer your phone?"
"It ran out of battery last night during the party and when I got home, I was so drunk that I forgot to plug it back in. I only plugged it when I woke up at 2. That's when the messages came in."
Julia asks "She says she tried calling your home line and you didn't answer and your machine didn't kick in."
"Yeah, that one's my fault, I knew I wanted to sleep and telemarketers have a habit of calling me early saturday mornings so I didn't want to be awoken by a call for a rug cleaning service, so I unplugged it yesterday morning, knowing I would be drunk when I got home and forget and be angry if I was awakened by a telemarketer."
Julia gave me a hint of a smile, showing me she was starting to believe me. She asked me a few more questions and then she asked what I was gonna do. I told her that whatever I'll do, I would tell Maryse first.
I looked at Stephanie and said: "Can you open the back store so I can go see her?" So we went to the backstore. As we reached the door, it swung opened and out popped Maryse, looking absolutely terrifying, I actually jumped back when I saw her. Her usual perfect makeup was completely smeared, her mascara streaking down her cheeks from the crying. Her hair was disheveled. She was a mess. Apparently, she had had enough of waiting back there and was planning on leaving the store to go home and had put her coat and boots on.
When she saw me, she went into an unhinged rant about me being an asshole for cheating on her, me not being great in bed, me not treating her right, etc. I let her vent everything she had to say, I looked at Stephanie and apologized for creating such a scene in her store. I tell Maryse we should go outside and talk in private. She keeps on yelling, but when I grab her hand to lead her outside, she follows.
When we get outside, her anger had started to wane a little, or maybe just her energy. I was able to talk to her to explain everything, how I had gotten drunk, had overslept (alone) and woke up at 2PM. I reminded her that we were only supposed to meet at 5PM not for lunch. The anger was leaving her and a smile almost appeared on her face. Through all of this I was being very calm and patient with her, which she interpreted as me not being mad at her. I then said in a firmer tone: "However..." and let it hang for a second.
The beginning smile vanished. I continued: "When you accused me of cheating on you, that broke me. That triggered memories of toxic exes who would always accuse me of cheating, not trusting me when I would tell them where I was, snooping on me, stalking me. Because of those experiences, I have a zero tolerance policy for jealousy. I told her that if she was behaving like after only two months of dating, it didn't bode well for the future and I have to protect myself."
At that, the tears started again and she just turned and ran/waddled away. I told her to wait, but she didn't hear me. I turned towards the entrance of the store to see basically all the employees and customers milling around the door trying to catch the drama. I went back inside to talk to my best friend. The mood had definitely changed and no one was giving me the stink eye anymore, but I didn't really care. I was just sad that it had ended, but proud of myself for having stood up for myself.
So AITA for getting drunk and keeping my phone turned off?
There is a lot more to this story and if you want to learn what happened afterwards, then read on.
The immediate aftermath
So I went back inside the store and talked to Stephanie. I told her that I had a reserrvation for XX restaurant and if she wanted to go with Stephen, she could take it, I wasn't in the mood for a dinner. She said "I already have plans for tonight, but thanks for offering." Julia said she would go with me if I wanted, but I just said that I wasn't in the mood to go out. I just wanted to crash and eat a pizza and get into a food coma.
Stephanie said she didn't feel comfortable leaving me by myself and I should join them at her house. They were having friends over to play board games and it could at least distract me a little. I said why not. So brimming with enthusiasm, I went to play bored games. I left early as I wasn't in the mood. I was feeling a little better, but still a bit down. I thanked Stephanie for the invite and left. I got home and just passed out on the bed.
I woke up at around 7AM the next morning and I saw along the corners of the window the tell-tale signs of a snow-drift and got excited as it was the first snow of the season. I pushed the curtains aside and looked on to see a beautiful white carpet outside. It was early enough that very few cars had marred the whiteness. I was admiring it when I noticed that, against the red bricks of the building across the street, there was a pink blotch. As I focused, the blotch became human shaped and I cleared my eyes enough to realize that it was Maryse and she was raising her cell phone to her ear.
On cue, my phone rings. I pick it up. Still sounding drunk, she asks me if we can speak. I ask her to give me five minutes to get dressed and I'll meet her down there. She asks why she can't come up. I say that I'm not sure I want her in my apartment. She says that it's cold out. I say: "Good, then this will be quick."
I get dressed and meet her outside. I'm still bleary-eyed from having woken up 5 minutes ago, but I try to get my wits together. I tell her that we're going to walk to the subway. It 's a 10-minute walk normally, but with her drunkenness, it might take 15-20 minutes. That's how long she has to tell me what she wants to tell me.
She wants to apologize for accusing me of cheating on her. She says she knows I'm a great guy and... I may be the A-hole at this point too, but I start to drift off in my little bubble and start daydreaming about, if I go back to bed, would there still be some residual heat or would it be cold? I could take a hot shower and warm the bed that way. I could still hear her in the background making excuses, saying how she had been cheated on, but I wasn't really listening.
During the daydreaming I notice it got quite quiet. I look on my left and she's not there, I turn around she's a good 5-6 steps behind me looking angry and she says: "you're not listening" I just say: "when you're right, you're right." I tell her that I understand she's been hurt too in the past, and I hope she can work to resolve her issues, but I was done and I'm going back to bed. I was a bit harsh there, but I was tired and still down.
I walk past her and get maybe 10 paces past her when I hear a scream coming from her. I turn around and I see her messing with something inside her coat. She pulls out a chef's knife with like an 8-inch blade. That wakes me the fuck up. Byebye bleary eyes, hello wakefulness. better than a cup of coffee or a red bull I tell you!
So she's got the knife, she's screaming something that I can't quite understand. She gets quiet and then she charges at me with the knife. If I'm being honest I could have stayed where I was and she probably would have missed me anyways, but someone charges at me with a knife, I'm gonna nope out of there. I take a massive side step and once she gets to where I was and realizes that I'm no longer there, she turns her head towards me and says heyyyyy.
At that point, I have a moment of clarity and see what's gonna happen. She's drunk running one way and looking another, I know she's gonna trip. As I predicted, she stumbled over her feet and starts falling to the ground. I start praying to god and anybody who would listen: "Please don't let her cut herself. I don't want to have to explain this to the doctors, EMTs and nurses. I don't want her drunk ass deciding to take revenge on me by saying I did it."
Thankfully, she winds up in a sitting position on the sidewalk holding the knife up and it was clean. Thank god for small miracles. She starts crying and, other moment of clarity, I know she's gonna turn the knife on herself now. I jump towards her and I realize I was right, the knife starts moving towards her left wrist. I tackle her, grab her right wrist and twist it so she drops the knife. I pick the knife back up and put it in my pocket. She looks at me crying and says: "Why did you stop me?"
I pick her up and take her back to my building. In my building there was a couch in the lobby, so I take her there and I sit her down and plop myself next to her. I look at her and wonder out loud: "What am I gonna do with you? What can I do?"
She goes: "Just let me go, I'll be good." I tell her that's not going to happen. I realize I have three options and I give her the three options.
"So here's the choice I give you.
1- I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted murder back there and they send the police to arrest you. I don't want to do that because that could derail your life and not get you the help you need. Besides, they might not do anything anyway as it's your word against mine.
2= I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted suicide back there and that you need to be placed on a 72 hour hold. I could do that, but at the same time, again it's my word against yours, so maybe they don't believe me.
3- I'm gonna hazard a guess here. From what I've seen, you have alcohol problems. So I'm gonna guess you were in AA, had been sober for a while, I want to say 6 months, maybe less, when we met."
She confirms my guess.
"alright so option 3, I'm guessing you had a sponsor in AA." she nods "we call them up and tell them about your relapse and what happened this morning. Can they come get you and take care of you?"
She takes her phone out and picks a contact and calls. She hands me the phone. Someone answers and I explain the situation. They said they were coming right away. I give them my address, they get here 15 minutes later. Maryse had fallen asleep in the meantime, so I wake her up gently and help her to the car. Off she went.
I went back to my apartment and just crashed back to sleep.
A month later
Mid-january, my phone rings and I see Maryse's number on there. I send her to voice mail. Another call. Voicemail again. 5 minutes later, Private number calling. "Gee I wonder who that could be." Voicemail once more.
Afterwards, I didn't get any unidentified callers for a little over a week. One afternoon, I was at work and my phone rings and it's a number I do not recognize. I pick up.
"Hello."
"Hi, is this Guy?"
"Yes, to whom am I speaking?"
"This is Hannah, Maryse's sponsor. we spoke last month." I started fearing the worst.
"Yes, I remember. How can I help you?"
"Maryse tried to reach you last week and you rejected the calls. I think it could help Maryse if you listened to what she had to say. You're obviously not obligated to entertain her, but I think despite everything that happened, you still care about her or you would not have called me that morning."
"You are right, I do still care about Maryse. I'm just not sure how good it would be for her to meet me this soon after everything that happened. I understand wanting to work through the 9th step and making amends, but..." She interrupts me.
"So you know about the steps."
"Yes I have friends in the program. which is how I could guess that she was in the program too that morning."
"You know it's important."
"I know. I know. How about this: we meet in public at a cafe, you would have to be there. Not necessarily at the table with us, but nearby in case she needs help, in case meeting me causes her pain. Tell her I promise to be in a more receptive mood than I was that morning."
So we make an appointment for that saturday afternoon.
I get to the coffee shop. She's already there, and so is her sponsor. I realize happily that she's not wearing makeup. I say happily because that means she understands that this is not a date, but something serious. She's still stunningly beautiful, and I feel sad almost right away.
I grab a coffee and go join her at the table.
"Hey" I say,
"Hey. So this is gonna be uncomfortable, but thank you for agreeing to meet me and for coming, I appreciate it more than you know. I'm sure you heard I quit the store."
"I have, I'm sorry about that, I hope you didn't do it just because of me."
"No, I needed time to focus on myself for now."
She proceeds to tell me about how I wasn't far off with my guess. She had been sober 4 months when we met. Now she had 39 days. She tells me that in AA, if you are single, they recommend not dating anyone new for at least the first year of your sobriety as it can cause issues, similar to what happened with us. I was like her "drug" and as long as I was available, she could get her fix. But the moment I wasn't available all hell broke loose, and that is what led her back to drinking that day.
I told her I'm glad to see her back sober again this quickly and I hope she can get all the help she needs from it. I ask her if she wants to talk to me about her drinking.
She starts to share a story about how she started drinking at around 11 years old. When puberty hit her, she got into a deep depression because the sexual feelings she was starting to feel were triggering responses. As a child she had been abused by two of her uncles repeatedly and her parents never believed her. They accused her of trying to make herself interesting. That was until they caught one of those uncles red-handed.
They finally believed and took the necessary steps to protect their daughter. But they were poor and they couldn't afford therapy. So she never really got help for it. At 11, she started self medicating the depression with alcohol. When alcohol wasn't enough, she added drugs.
At that point, I was full on crying. She asked me if I wanted her to stop. I told her that she doesn't have to stop. That the tears are there because that was one more thing we had in common. I was also a survivor of sexual assault as a child. In my case, it wasn't a family member, it was only a stranger, so it only happened once. But I also self-medicated with alcohol at the onset of puberty, switching to drugs later on too. I was lucky to avoid the pitfalls of addiction, but I was still dealing with my demons, slowly making peace with them.
So there we were, sitting at a coffee shop, both crying and holding each other. I tell her that I think it's great she's getting help for her alcoholism and addicion, but was she doing anything to help with the underlying issue, the original trauma? She said no, she couldn't afford therapy. I tell her that I am a member of a survivors group and if she is interested, I could get her into a meeting and perhaps learn to heal that part of herself too.
She said that she could give it a try. I tell her I have to talk to the other members to know if I can bring someone new and I would let her know. If they said yes, we would go to her first meeting together, I would introduce her and then we would coordinate so that I never went to meetings where she was. I wanted to do that because I wanted her first few meetings to be about healing and I didn't want our own history to be intertwined or mixed in with that.
After that, we left both feeling content and, while not necesarily happy, at peace if you will. Later on, I contacted Stephanie who was one of the "pillars" of the support group (that's how we met) to ask her if it was okay for me to bring in a new member to the group. She said sure. She asked if it was anyone she knew. I told her she would have to meet her at the meeting if she decides to come.
We were having a meeting the following day. I called Maryse, told her the time and place, and she said she would be there. She came to the group meeting and was shocked to see Stephanie there but Stephanie kinda guessed that it was Maryse I was referring to.
I introduce her, we start sharing stories, talking about how we're feeling, etc. The meeting was good and Maryse liked the vibe. So for the first six months after that, I never saw Maryse and we planned which meeting we would be attending to ensure we didn't cross paths. She started feeling much better.
After maybe 2 and a half years, she finally felt ready and she started dating again. She met someone and she fell for him. They were together for about six months, she looked happy. Unfortunately after about six months, she caught him cheating on her. We tried supporting her, being good friends, cursing his name, doing all the things we could to make sure she didn't relapse. But on April 5th 2014, she ODed on heroin. She was hospitalized for 2 weeks after that.
Hannah took her in and she set up a room for Maryse. She was still in a fragile state, so a group of her friends and I started taking turns watching over Maryse, making sure there was always at least one person there with her to keep her company.
Despite our vigilance, on May 14th 2014, when Hannah was out running a quick errand, she was gone maybe 15 minutes tops, Maryse found a way to cut her wrists and she died. We found a note saying that "the OD was not an accident, and neither was that. Thanks for everything you did for me. I love you all, but I can't do this anymore."
It feels good to write that story (I'll just ignore the fat tears rolling down my face!). Thanks for reading this far and sorry for the long story, I just started writing and couldn't stop. I apologize if it was a bit of a bummer.

Candles have been used historically to symbolize coziness, light, and warmth. From its function as a center point on holy altars to the scented accents seen in modern housewares, people have long appreciated the ethereal glow of candles. But what if you could alter these luminous masterpieces to your exact specifications? With the advent of silicone candle molds, a versatile instrument that can be used by novices or experienced artisans alike, anyone may now make candles whose creativity is only constrained.
Understanding Silicone Candle Holders
The name of the material is self-explanatory: silicone is used to make silicone candle molds. When it comes to making candles, they come in a broad range of shapes, sizes and different patterns to accommodate various tastes. Whether you want to create intricate miniatures, conventional pillars forms, there is a silicone mold out there for any taste.
Adaptability disclosed
The flexibility of silicone candle molds is one of its best features. Compared to more traditional, rigid molds, silicone molds are more flexible, making demoulding much easier and protecting the finished product from any damage. Because of their extreme versatility, candles can be created and decorated in a variety of ways.
A Journey of Visionaries
Using silicone molds to make candles is a unique kind of art. Here's a preview of the process:
The first thing to do is prepare your workspace and silicone mold. Make sure the mold is dry and clean before using it.
Materials: Choose a wax for your candles, such as beeswax, paraffin, or soy, or a blend of these. Different types of wax have varied textural properties, smell throw, and burn times.
Pouring and Melting: You can use a double boiler or a microwave to melt the wax of your choice. Once the wax is melted, add color and flavor with your favorite scent. Melted wax should be poured slowly into the silicone candle mold to prevent overflow.
Before demolding, let the wax cool completely. Depending on the size of the mold and the type of wax being used, this could take several hours or even overnight. Once the candle has cooled, remove your art work by carefully bending the silicone mold.
When you're prepared to add the final details, trim the wick and remove any remaining wax residue with a clean cloth. Give your handmade masterpiece a moment of appreciation,it's ready to bring a warm glow to any space.
Never-ending Inspiration
Silicone candle molds provide you with a plethora of options. There is a vast array of forms, sizes and styles of the candles, ranging from intricate tealights to straightforward taper candles.
Take into consideration the following to spark your imagination:
Customized Candles Inspired by Nature: With hand-poured candles shaped like delicate flowers, lush leaves, or rustic pinecones, you may turn your house into a happy palace.
Amazing Candles for Any Occasion: There is a candle for every season, ranging from cheerful Christmas ornaments to frightening Halloween pumpkins.
Whether it's a favorite animal or a pastime, form candles into shapes that symbolize your loved ones to make meaningful gifts.
In summary, silicone candle molds allow you to let your creative side shine. These multifunctional molds let you create beautiful things out of wax, whether you're a novice or an expert craftsperson honing your skills. Gather your materials, unleash your artistic side, and use silicone candle molds to present your creation.