Schools: UIUC (University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign) vs. Rutgers New Brunswick
Intended major: Information Sciences + Data Science @ UIUC & CS @ Rutgers
Similarities: Weather is about the same. Weather is rly bad for a few months/unpredictable (Being from cali I will be seeing a major difference); Overall rankings are pretty close to each other; Both have very good research opportunities
UIUC
UIUC pros:

• Visited a few weeks ago and really liked the campus
• Really good stem education very study focused school
• Really liked the campus culture (upperclassman were very helpful and they were willing to go out of their way to show me around)
• Data science is an emerging field, and they are making a new data science building (Siebel School of Computing and Data Science), but not sure if my major will be added to that new school
• Data science building opening up might lead to more research opportunities and more resources
• Close to Chicago (very major job hub)

UIUC Cons:

• When I selected my major, I was drawn to the title, but later discovered it didn’t live up to my expectations.
  • If you look at the major in reddit it is basically everyone saying it lacks technicality
• Can make up the technicality with a CS minor but not as strong as a CS major
• Hard to switch to CS + X but would be very rewarding if it happened
• Not many friends going from my hs
• Not a very social guy so it’s going to be hard to make friends (but this is maybe for every college)
• Very big party school, not my type of thing to do. Won’t attend parties, but will be surrounded by people who do and that might be a big influence idrk

Rutgers
Rutgers Pros:

• Direct admit to CS
• Campus is pretty nice
• Prestige is alright to the point where you don’t feel lowly about yourself and what you are doing
• Close to NYC (very major job hub esp for a cs degree)

Rutgers Cons:

• Off campus housing limited
• Not really a great college town like UIUC
• Larger class sizes of 100+
• Not many people I know going - Campus layout is a bit fucked (5 campuses and you need a bus to go to each of them so basically not walkable)

Tiebreaking considerations:

• Ease of transferring into CS and statistics program at UIUC to pursue real data science opportunities, given its top 5 ranking in CS and not bad for DS as well.
• Knowing if direct admission to Rutgers might be preferable over pursuing Information Sciences and Data Science (IS + DS) at UIUC with plans of switching.
• Quality of education offered by both institutions
• Put yourselves in my shoes and think if I look back in 10 years would I have been happy with my decision?

Addendum:
I’m sort of a pit stop right now, as I am not really sure what to do. I never really wanted to go to Rutgers in the first place, but it suddenly became an option after I realized that an IS + DS major was not it at UIUC. When I visited both campuses, I got better vibes at UIUC. Rutgers’s campus seemed a bit depressing and reminded me of HS, but I am not against it as I think it would be a great experience and first impressions could be deceiving.
I just wanted to say that I am leaning towards UIUC because of the prestige it holds compared to Rutgers. I think this is what a lot of other people will do, and UIUC is the clearer option compared to Rutgers. At this point, it is more of a major thing than a school thing.
Even though data science at UIUC is not a bad major when paired with a CS minor, a lot of people are shitting on it for being really bad, so I don't know what to do. I talked to the Hella people, though, and they told me that it is fine if I put in a CS minor.
What do yall think I should do?

Okay, I'm honestly confused to a huge degree so maybe you can tell me where I went wrong and if and maybe why I ATAH.
Since my brother (34) accuses me of treating him badly, here is a caption of the most recent events and most important facts.
GENERAL ASPECTS

• we have a bad relationship since I'm about 12 (he was probably 15)
• we had heavy arguments full of insults and physical fights.
• when I was in my twenties he attacked me which resulted in permanent damage to my nose.
  
• since I moved out we're barely in touch
  
• he stayed mostly in his room when I visited (he still lives there).
  
• every year he blocks and unblockes me, leaves and rejoins the family group. This mostly happens after I text my mother about something I don't think is okay, for example that he took my stuff that were presents or that there were different standards for him and me.
  
• my mother witnessed him insulting and physically hurting me since were young but doesn't do anything and simply states that it hurts her to see our relationship being that bad.
  

THROWBACK SINCE DECEMBER

• two weeks before our grandpas funeral he told me I should not come over after the funeral.
• at the cemetery I told him to speak quieter since what he was saying was something that would cause him huge trouble. He insulted me as a result.
• on my birthday he was there despite me telling our mother several times I didn't want him there. He was surprisingly nice and even had a present for me. My mother pressured me to tell him about my pregnancy. He was nice to me from then on.
  
• my mother told people about my pregnancy and a few weeks later the gender despite me telling her repeatedly how important it was for me to be the one to share the news and experience the reactions. Therefore I let her know how very inappropriate this was and that I wasn't going to share any more information with her.
  
• I texted my brother and told him that I hoped he wouldn't behave as egoistic as she did. He blocked me and left the family chat.
  
• he unblocked me shortly before his bday, so I wished him a happy birthday. He replied "thank you".
  

NOW COMES THE CURRENT WTF MOMENT

• so this morning I see that he texted me last night.
  
• he was telling me there were two options: we'd be a normal family and acted that way or I'd keep on acting the way I do, in which case he'd stop any contact towards me and the child wouldn't have him as an uncle as it would be too stressful for the child. He wouldn't let himself get treated this way.
  

He did not tell me in which way I was treating him badly or in which way my behaviour was wrong. Mind you, I revealed everything that happened up front so I am honestly heavily confused.

• exactly one hour later he texted again, stating that he chose the second option as expected and then he blocked me.

I am honestly heavily confused so please help me out because my first thought was: wtf, is he completely nuts now? My second thought was: wtf are him and my mother talking about me that led to this? My third thought is: I am the one that gets treated badly repeatedly and never saw any apology. I am simply sticking to my boundaries and keeping a distance. So what am I missing here??
So... AITAH for the way I treat my brothefamily?
TLDR: my brother blocked and unblocked me constantly. After telling him to not behave like my mother and spread all the baby news he blocked me. Unblocked me before his bday So I wished him a happy bday. He then send me an ultimatum and decided for himself the answer. AITAH?

Hey! So I’ve been training Muay Thai for a little over a year now, however I also trained taekwondo for around 3 years when I was younger from about 12-15 and then stopped until I was 20 and started Muay Thai. I honestly can’t even remember what stance I took back then but I think I was orthodox for the most part, but taekwondo teaches stance switching pretty heavily so I was decent at both but not great at either. Now, ever since I’ve started Muay Thai I’ve been training in southpaw, its been so long since I’ve actually trained that I just went into the stance that felt most comfortable to me and that happens to be southpaw and I’ve been doing pretty good with it so far.
My question is this. Is there a specific reason that right handed people fight orthodox and left handed southpaw? Everything I’ve heard disregards any other sort of limb dominance other than what hand you write with. HOWEVER. I feel like there are a few factors that I may differ on a little bit. For one, I do write and throw with my right hand, however I have also broken my right wrist about 2-3 times and the last break was with my scaphoid which I needed surgery on. Every since if I use too much power (even 50%) it causes me a lot of pain to the point I’d probably have to forfeit from a fight so when it come to power I guess I changed to my left hand. Second, the stance of southpaw has always felt much much more comfortable to me since I skateboard and snowboard goofy, plus my most powerful and coordinated kicking leg is my left so it feels better having it at the back.
So really what I’m asking I guess is….should I just ignore all of these factors and train orthodox since I am naturally right handed? even though switching to orthodox would hinder me and my future progress since I can’t put in as much power in my right hand as my left, and same for my legs?

Hi, sorry if this seems so jumbled. I just want to start of by saying I am NOT diagnosed. In the future I plan on seeking out an evaluation.
But anyways, one of the reasons I believe I may be autistic is due to the fact that I don't understand a lot of things socially. I'm quiet and polite, I'm kind. Most of the time I'm genuinely just chilling. I am kind to people because I know the world and people are cruel. I don't believe I'm like "creepily" overly kind where people feel as if I'm invasive. I have never understood why people talk badly about others behind their back and I don't participate. I find no reason to because why should I? It's their life, let them live it.
I also want to say I'm a young woman in her 20s and unfortunately women can be mean and sneaky and unfortunately it seems hard to find friends who are genuine.I'm not saying that to be offensive at all or to sound like the "I'm not like other girls". I genuinely just don't understand why. In high school it was of course especially bad. I'd have girl friends that would be genuinely nice for years. And suddenly it's like a weird mask comes off and they get jealous and angry. I wouldn't even call myself conveniently attractive so I don't believe to be a threat in terms of looks. I'd always respect boundaries regarding their boyfriends, never texted them and only hung out with them when my friend was around. I'd never even sit close to them. But it seems like a weird possessiveness would take over.
I had a best friend of over 5 years. We were inseparable. We laughed and cried together. But when I finally got a boyfriend (fiancé now) that treated me kindly (both of us unfortunately have a history of unstable and abusive relationships), it's like that mask came off and jealousy came roaring in. She suddenly stopped talking to me as much. After I moved in with him I'd offer her to come over (My fiancé would as well) I'd still try to face time her regularly, I'd text her and ask how she was doing. She would constantly make excuses as to why she wasn't talking as much and coming over. Unfortunately we had a very bad falling out which included her accusing me of abandoning her despite me reassuring her and making my best efforts to remain in contact. I felt awful because I never meant for her to feel that way. My fiancé would constantly reassure me it was jealousy and that it was her own problem and that I did the best I could. When I tried to speak to her calmly about it, it seemed she would attack my character and kept reiterating that I had abandoned her. After I moved she also began hanging around this guy, let's call him J. Who disliked me for no reason. I was friends with his fiancé and I used to think he was my friend too until my former best friend informed me he would talk badly about me when I was not there. That hurt me of course because I genuinely enjoyed his company and he was friendly to me. After I moved away she began hanging out with him more and she said later on how he was the only one there for her when she would question why I abandoned her.
That was a couple years ago now and as silly as it sounds in still greiveing it and trying to understand, not just the one incident but the similar ones I had growing up. I have trouble understanding how jealousy works, because I always celebrate my friends and family's achievements. What did I do wrong? I'm really sorry if this seems weird or not for this sub. I just thought that others here would understand the frustration of not fully understanding social norms.
So, TLDR: Please try to explain to autistic (possibly) woman why NT women are jealous all the time. Thank you.

(continuation of part 2)
III. e) The Mobius FF x FFVII collaboration
Alright, back to our suspension world-hopping! Let’s visit the realm of Mobius FF, —more specifically, the collaboration between Mobius FF and FFVII—, where I found the most substantial evidence for my theory.
In case you’re unfamiliar with the Mobius FF (MFF) world and games, let’s begin with a bit of a summary of the parts relevant to us. The story takes place in a world called Palamecia, to which people from other worlds are inexplicably summoned. The vast majority of those who are brought there don’t remember anything from their worlds of origin or their lives before Palamecia except their names: these amnesiac people are called Blanks. The main character is Wol, accompanied by a guiding fairy of Palamecia named Echo. Echo knows a lot about the mechanisms of Palamecia, as she’s tied to the realm. The leader of this world is Vox, a being who manifests only as a voice. The first thing all Blanks remember before they wake in Palamecia is Vox telling them the rules of the realm. Incidentally, the crystals of the MFF world are teleportation crystals.
III. e) i. Devs’ Statements
Let’s review some of the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration devs’ statements before diving into its story.
For both the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration and the Remake project, Kitase took on the role of producer while Nojima supervised the screenplay and wrote the scenario. The project leader was none other than the Remake trilogy’s Hamaguchi, who told a SE interviewer the following:

“We would love for you to play the [MFF x FFVII] collaboration event as you look forward to [Remake’s] release” (“Celebration of the Overseas Release of the Steam Version and FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE Collaboration Event”, Square Enix).

He later hints at the collaboration’s storyline:

“This collaboration is focused on Cloud, so the other characters will not make an appearance. Players will join Cloud, who has gone astray in Palamecia, on his adventures and see how the story unfolds based on his decisions. Content-wise, FINAL FANTASY VII fans will surely become fraught with emotion as events unfold in-game (laughs).”

Kitase concurs on the emotional aspect of the collaboration in the same interview:

“When it comes to the story, I seek two things– ‘mystery’ and ‘[…] emotional impact’.”

Clearly, fans of FFVII are supposed to react emotionally to the events of the collaboration. With these statements in mind to give us perspective, we can get into the plot points relevant to our analysis. MFF x FFVII Remake comes in two parts, the relevant plot points of which I will describe and analyze one at a time.
III. e) ii. Eclipse Contact
1) Fact-Finding
Part one of the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration event is called Eclipse Contact. It came out in 2017 on Aerith’s birthday, February 7th, and its release campaign ran until March. In Eclipse Contact, Palamecia welcomes someone new: Cloud Strife appears in the realm with very little recollection of his core world of FFVII.
Cloud isn’t a Blank, since he recalls the mako reactors in Midgar upon his arrival in Palamecia, and also remembers that he was hired by Avalanche to blow them up:

“Echo: How did you end up in Palamecia?

Cloud: I… That day... I remember now. A job. I had taken a job. I was hired muscle protecting clients. They wanted to stop the reactor... We used a train to get past security... Was it at night? Something happened... Next thing I knew, I was floating through darkness. Then [I woke up here]”.

This piece of dialogue reveals that Eclipse Contact Cloud’s memories end at the very moment when Avalanche arrives at reactor 1 in OG (disk 1, chapter 1): the very beginning of the game. Consequently, Cloud does not remember anything that happened from the beginning of the OG timeline onwards.
Wol and Echo are intrigued by Cloud’s strange case: non-Blanks rarely arrive in Palamecia. The following text appears on the screen shortly after they meet:

“Perhaps he is not truly who he thinks he is.
Perhaps everything is illusory, a dream.
Only one thing is certain, that he must press on, one step at a time, toward the light that shines from the promised land.”

Just like he did in FFT’s Ivalice, Cloud feels the need to find the Promised Land in MFF x FFVII, despite the fact that he lacks memories of the OG timeline. Though Cloud doesn’t remember anything beyond the train ride to reactor 1, he does remember the Promised Land (at least somewhat). This is odd, given that in OG, Cloud didn’t learn about the Promised Land until several chapters into the game.
Wol and Echo agree to help Cloud figure out why he’s here, since there’s clearly something strange going on with his presence in Palamecia. In fact, Cloud brought Midgar’s mako reactors with him somehow, transplanting them onto the landscape of Palamecia. The group decides to bomb these reactors, following Cloud’s instincts in the hopes that it will jog his memory.
Now for my favorite part. After blowing up another reactor, the group is surprised by the appearance of a crystal. A piano rendition of Aerith’s theme begins. When Wol tries to touch the crystal, something akin to a force field rejects him. When Cloud approaches it, however, the crystal responds to his hand by flashing with light. As it begins to glow, Wol concludes that the crystal is linked to Cloud and Cloud alone. Let’s examine the resulting dialogue:

“Echo: This is the light in your memories. The light of home.

Cloud: Home? But I don’t—

Echo: If you don't remember… then your home is lost to you.

Cloud: Then my memories are gone.

Wol: Do you want to reclaim your past?

Cloud: Not interested... I am what I am now. Not what I was.

Wol: Then tell me… This light. If you can’t remember it, what does it mean to you?

Cloud: It's a warm light... I feel at peace. If this place —home— is as warm and peaceful as this light, then I want to go there.

Echo: You can't go there... Not back to the past.

Cloud: I see.

Echo: But even if you can't go back to the past, you can go forward. If you wish for it strongly enough, the crystal will show you the way. The way to a new world. The way to your Promised Land. […]

Cloud: So... Should [I] take [my] chances and make a wish to this crystal?

Wol: Go ahead. It’s your crystal.

Echo: I should warn you that once you start on this journey, there's no coming back.

Cloud: The past is the past. I want to go to a place where everything is new. I’m ready.“

What follows is a moment I call the wishing scene (13:43-14:34). Cloud closes his eyes and wishes on the crystal. It flashes, and suddenly, rainbow-colored ripples of light appear around it. Aerith’s theme is replaced by a slightly modified version of “Midgar, City of Mako”, the track that plays during the opening cutscene of Remake. You can recreate the modification by listening to “Midgar, City of Mako” from 2:00 to 2:23, then skipping to 3:00 and listening until 3:18. You may recognize the musical motif that kicks off the wishing scene as the Lifestream motif, which has become symbolic of the mysteries of the Remake trilogy, as it often plays during scenes where unexplainable plot deviations from OG occur— more specifically, deviations involving multiverse shenanigans. For instance, it plays during MOTF 4. It also plays in Rebirth after Cloud blocks masamune as Aerith is shown dying anyway.
Cloud disappears with his crystal, after which Echo speaks to Wol about Cloud’s journey:

“Echo: Each person gets the Promised Land they justly deserve, not the one they really need. If you’re a bad person, you go to a bad place. If you expect nothing, you get nothing. Even the journey there makes you look deep within yourself to find out who you really are. Cloud should be facing his own past as we speak. It’s cruel, but necessary. That battle was a long time coming”.

Apparently, at least in the context of this collaboration event, the Promised Land can be a reward or a punishment, depending on which you deserve. Echo explains that Cloud will have to face himself and his past on his way to his Promised Land. This means that the Cloud that appears in Eclipse Contact must next embark on a journey that will confront him with his past, test his mettle, and ultimately lead him to the Promised Land he justly deserves.
III. e) ii. 2) Fact Analysis
There’s a lot of vital information to dig into here, mostly provided by Echo. She claims that the crystal’s light is linked to Cloud’s memories of home; Cloud has to have known this home in the past, as it could not otherwise exist in his memories. MFF Cloud must be a post-OG Cloud. Unfortunately, Echo indicates that whatever Cloud’s home is, he’s lost both it and his memories of it. Despite this, Cloud describes his home as warm and peaceful, concluding that he wishes to find it. Though Cloud can’t return to the past, Echo tells him that if he wishes it strongly enough, the crystal can guide him toward a new world, where his home and his Promised Land exist in the future. The fact that Aerith’s theme is playing all throughout these descriptions of Cloud’s lost home, his Promised Land and the past that he can’t return to makes it extremely obvious that these concepts all point to Aerith. Aerith is Cloud’s lost home. Wherever Aerith is, that’s his Promised Land. The time spent with Aerith before her loss is the past he tragically can’t return to. You might have clocked the similarities between Eclipse Contact’s mention of Cloud’s lost home and DFF’s mention of Cloud’s lost dream: in both these titles, Cloud’s home and dream are equivalent to his Promised Land. It’s confirmed yet again that Aerith is the one Cloud hopes to return to, just like every soul returns to the Lifestream. At this juncture of my research, I was curious as to why the last thing Cloud remembers before waking in Palamecia is the run-up to the Reactor 1 bombing mission in OG (disk 1, chapter 1). This mystery will have to persist for a while longer.
The alarm bells in your head might’ve been triggered by the mention of the wishing scene’s rainbow ripple effects— and rightfully so. This visual cue has sparked passionate debate in the fandom since its appearances in Rebirth, as seen in these pictures:
Zack Choosing To Get A Cure For Cloud, Rebirth Chapter 14; Creating a New World/Timeline
Aerith Pushing Cloud Out of that World/Timeline, Remake Chapter 14
Cloud Blocking Masamune, Rebirth Chapter 14; Creating New World/Timeline
You might have read or heard that this rainbow effect signifies that a character has entered another timeline, created a portal to another timeline, created a new timeline or is being shown different timelines. Indeed, whenever the OG timeline is deviated from in a significant way, this effect appears. The pictures above present multiple examples of these shifting realities.
One might propose that the rainbow ripples in Eclipse Contact and Rebirth are unrelated because of the long period between their respective release dates. This long in-between period indeed makes it likelier that the effect was used without forethought in Eclipse Contact, forgotten over the years, and incidentally reused in Rebirth as a plot-important visual cue with no connection to Eclipse Contact. I’m inclined to disagree since the crystal is specifically described as a vessel that can take Cloud “to a new world” by Echo, which is a bit on the nose. Regardless, it’s plausible that there’s no connection. That is, it would be, if the rainbow effect didn’t show up in Remake too.
When the Whispers are finally defeated in chapter 18 of Remake, a burst of the rainbow ripple effects indicate the emergence of multiple worlds, newly freed from the restrictive clutches of fate (1:16:36-1:16:47). Shortly thereafter, Sephiroth takes Cloud to the Edge of Creation and invites him to join forces with him. Cloud refuses, and Sephiroth says the following:

“Seven seconds till the end. Time enough for you. Perhaps. But what will you do with it? Let's see.”

The question “What will you do with it?” implies that the answer is unknown, meaning Cloud is no longer bound to the OG timeline by fate: many alternate futures lay ahead. Sephiroth is telling Cloud and the audience that now, the mystery of the Remake trilogy has become “Which future will Cloud bring into existence? Which among the infinite possible timelines will his choices result in?” After pondering this aloud, Sephiroth leaves Cloud alone to consider the rainbow effects in the sky (1:19:23-1:19:36). Because they generally represent alternate or changing timelines, it’s safe to assume that the rainbow ripples here represent the myriad of possible worlds that Cloud’s actions in those seven seconds could generate. After all, Sephiroth was just talking about them, and chapter 18’s description in Remake reads as follows:

“In a world beyond, Sephiroth shows Cloud a vision of the planet seven seconds before its demise. Having strayed from the course destiny set for them, they strike out on a path towards an unknown future."

This explains why the player is shown Cloud staring at those colors in the apocalyptic sky at world’s end, directly after hearing Sephiroth’s cryptic words: those are all the alternate “unknown future” timelines ahead of him, now unravelled from fate. Amongst those rainbow ripples lies the answer to the question “What will you do with [the seven seconds]?”
Given that Remake was released in 2020 and Eclipse Contact came out in 2017, the major story elements of the Remake trilogy —including the eventuality of alternate timelines— had to have been planned out at the time of Eclipse Contact’s release: while the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration was being made, Remake was also in production. Also recall that the collaboration event and the Remake trilogy share a codirector in Hamaguchi, a writer in Nojima and a producer in Kitase. Based on all this, it’s more than likely that the rainbow ripples in the Remake trilogy and inEclipse Contact represent the very same thing: alternate worlds and timelines. All this to say that when the rainbow effect appears around the crystal in the Eclipse Contact, it means the crystal is acting as a vessel to another world, just like Echo said.
But that’s not all Echo said: she also mentioned that this other world would take Cloud to his home, to his Promised Land. We’ve already established what that means for Cloud, what it’s meant since two whole decades at the time of Eclipse Contact’s release: this crystal will take Cloud to Aerith. So, where exactly did the crystal take Cloud? In what world can he meet Aerith again?
The music that plays during the wishing scene gives us a huge hint. As I noted before, the track playing in the background is a slightly modified version of Remake’s “Midgar, City of Mako”, which plays in the introduction cutscene of Remake. This is a musical cue that the ending of Cloud’s journey in Eclipse Contact and the very beginning of the Remake trilogy are closely related. Add the fact that the devs wanted players to experience this collaboration event before playing Remake, and it becomes undeniable: the crystal that appeared to Cloud in Palamecia —which offers to lead him to his home and Promised Land, meaning to Aerith—, took him to the world of the Remaketrilogy.
Eclipse Contact is huge. The whole crux of my theory lives and dies right here. However, we still have part two of the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration event to analyze as well as its promotions to look into before I can drop the thesis on you, so bear with me in order to receive the most thorough analysis of all this possible! I want to give you every drop of proof I can!
III. e) ii. MFF x FFVII Remake Fatal Calling
1) Fact-Finding
Fatal Calling came out February 1 of 2018, and its release campaign ended in March. The game opens with a cutscene: Cloud is floating, seemingly unconscious, through a sparkling, green current of light. The current flows into a circle of bright, white light, surrounded by rainbow ripple effects as Cloud is driven toward and into it. An orb floats along with him. The Advent Children theme “The Promised Land” plays, a choir of mournful, aching, mutedly desperate souls engaged in a lamenting prayer. Sephiroth’s voice echoes:

“Sephiroth: It’s time. You may turn your back on the past, lock your memories away. Hide reality beneath a layer of illusion. But destiny will not die so easily. Yes. At memory’s end you may plead for it all to go away. But the past is a curse, binding your soul. It’s time. Wake to your fate. Rise to your destiny.

Cloud: (In a half-conscious grunt) Reunion…

Sephiroth: The light will lead you. Wake to your fate. Rise!”

Sephiroth’s mentions of Cloud hiding under an illusion and repressing his memories are no doubt allusions to Cloud’s past, which was complicated and darkened by Hojo’s experiments. It makes sense, then, that Cloud responds with “Reunion”. Fatal Calling indeed focuses on Cloud’s relationship to his past, his identity and Sephiroth. Everything involving Nibelheim —where everything started—, Sephiroth’s manipulation, and Hojo’s experiments are on the table. Also noteworthy if not out of place is Sephiroth’s evocation of fate.
Cloud enters a battle with Sephiroth with the help of Wol and Echo, who are surprised to see him back in Palamecia. Cloud tells them about the orb seen floating along with him in the opening cutscene: though he calls it a materia, he doesn’t know how or when he acquired it. Based on his behavior, it appears that Cloud remembers just as little about the events of OG as he did by the end of Eclipse Contact. Wol informs Cloud that whoever he heard speaking to him on his way here was probably Vox pretending to be Sephiroth.
As the group advances, Cloud recalls Midgar and decides they should go there next. At one of Midgar’s mako reactors, the group encounters Sephiroth, who speaks to himself:

“It's still not enough. This... this is but a pale imitation of the power I desire.”

Once Sephiroth has disappeared, Cloud explains what he remembers: Sephiroth was the greatest SOLDIER of all and a hero to Cloud, though Cloud can’t remember what exactly ended this admiration. As players of FFVII OG, we know the event in question is the Nibelheim incident, wherein Sephiroth slaughtered the town’s residents, including Cloud’s mother, after learning of his past. The former war hero also severely injured Tifa, whom Cloud presumed dead when he found her in the old mako reactor with a vicious slash on her chest. Cloud is agitated by the gaps in his memory, so the group resolves to follow Sephiroth for answers. When they find him again, Sephiroth causes Cloud to experience a piercing headache with the mere mention of the Reunion. They fight, but Sephiroth is too powerful— he skewers Cloud with the masamune and taunts his unconscious body:

“Sephiroth: A puppet. I won’t kill you. Not yet. Not until you know true despair.
Wol: If you want despair, we got plenty to go around. Palamecia’s full of it.
Sephiroth: Yes, this planet knows suffering. But it is not the world that was promised to me. I must go home. Tell Cloud, if he wants to see me again, he should face his memories. I will await him there, in the land of memory, where it all began. In Nibelheim.”

Sephiroth darkens Cloud’s materia, turning it black. Later, Wol explains to Cloud that Sephiroth stole the light from his materia, taking Cloud’s strength along with it.
Once Cloud has woken up, the group travels to Nibelheim to uncover the truth about Cloud’s memories. Cloud slowly gathers pieces of his past, shown to the player as titled, diary-like text written from various perspectives. Cloud learns the truth about SOLDIER, Jenova cells, Sephiroth, and what happened in Nibelheim. Let’s examine a few of these diary entries:

“A Warrior’s Tale: There's a girl in Nibelheim I think about. Warm. Cheerful. More grown-up than a child. Haven't talked to her much, but she seems nice. She's going to be leading the SOLDIERs to the mountain reactor. Maybe if I get into the survey team I'll get a chance to talk to her? Nah. She's out of my league.”

Young Cloud’s crush on Tifa is on full display! This must be a memory from his time as an infantryman accompanying Zack and Sephiroth to Nibelheim.

“Tale of the Nameless: I drift along in the mako, asleep. Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Give me a number. I… I… I am… The Reunion. The Reunion must happen.”

This entry could be taken from any one of the Nibelheim survivors’ perspectives, as they were all bathed in mako and turned into Sephiroth clones. I would venture to say this is Cloud’s perspective though, given the reference to this iconic line from OG:

“Cloud: Professor... please give me a number. Please, Professor...
Hojo: Shut up, miserable failure.” (disk 2, chapter 2).

The trio encounters Sephiroth near the old Mt. Nibel mako reactor. Because Sephiroth stole the light from his materia earlier, Cloud goes into the confrontation already drained of his strength. However, when Cloud lifts the materia in his hand, it lights up and creates rainbow ripples in the air around him, similar to those seen in Eclipse Contact and Rebirth. Cloud is healed of his injuries: he closes his eyes for a moment, wearing a peaceful expression. Sephiroth is displeased, but recovers quickly:

“Sephiroth: The guiding light… it healed you.

Wol: […] here, near the mako reactor, the materia regained its light. And your strength returned […]. [Sephiroth]’s here so he can steal the power you've stored inside that materia.

Sephiroth, with a short laugh: I have all the power I need. Cloud. What strength you’ve regained is yours. Use it to fight me. It’s time. Let’s decide this, in this land lost to despair. The prize is home. The Promised Land. There to answer the call of destiny.”

With this second evocation of fate, Sephiroth disappears.
Cloud, Wol and Echo find Sephiroth at the Northern Crater. He mocks Cloud for believing the orb in his possession is materia. Sephiroth waves a hand and his signature black and purple fog surrounds Cloud, immobilizing him. Sephiroth claims that the power Cloud regained at the Mt. Nibel reactor was Sephiroth’s all along. Now that it courses through Cloud’s veins, Sephiroth controls him. He calls Cloud his puppet and finishes with the following before the two vanish, leaving Wol and Echo alone:

“Now, let us return. Back to the Promised Land. The time of the Reunion has come.”

After Cloud finally breaks free and defeats Sephiroth with the help of Wol and Echo, the villain makes a final threat:

“Very good, Cloud. You’ve destroyed an illusion. But the time will come to abandon your illusions and face reality. Then, you will know true pain.”

Sephiroth disappears for the last time, his body surrounded by his signature dark fog and the rainbow ripples. A piano rendition of Tifa’s theme begins. Cloud’s orb rises into the air and becomes a crystal, with the same shape and glow as the one we see in Eclipse Contact. The following dialogue is illuminating:

“Cloud: I will fight. The light will lead me where I need to go.

Wol: You sure? Wasn’t that [crystal] Sephiroth’s?

Cloud: I heard Sephiroth's voice, at the end. Inside me. Whatever he put in me, it’s still in there. Someday I’ll settle that score. If I can't avoid destiny, I might as well face it head-on.

Wol: Yeah. That was quite a speech, Cloud. Surprised you made it through without laughing.

Cloud: Yeah, forget I said it. I will too.

Echo: Forgetting won’t make it go away. Even if the words fade from memory, your dream will never disappear. Not until it becomes real.“

The crystal shines as though in response.

“Echo: See? See, that's how the light of hope works. Hope can turn your dreams into reality.

Cloud: Yeah. I guess so. I might forget this world, but I won’t forget hope. And my reality, that’s for me to live.”

Tifa’s theme ends. Cloud approaches the crystal, and disappears in a beam of blinding light. Once Cloud has vanished with the crystal, Aerith’s theme begins playing. A few pale feathers with a slight orange tint (the color of MFF) float down onto the floor where he stood seconds before. The image fades to black. The credits roll, and Aerith’s theme continues all the way through.
Once both the final name in the credits and Aerith’s theme fade, we’re surprised by a sudden, troubling image: Sephiroth appears in a frightening flash, standing amidst the flames of Nibelheim. When his image fades to black, the collaboration title *“Final Fantasy VII x Mobius Final Fantasy”*appears on the screen. The FFVII title is surrounded by the 1997 meteor logo. Then, a flash of light: the titles reappear, except this time, they read “Final Fantasy VII REMAKE x Mobius Final Fantasy”. The new Remake Meteor logo replaces the 1997 version. As soon as these changes to the FFVIItitle and meteor logo occur, Aerith’s theme returns. It plays on until the game ends a few seconds later, the screen fading to black.
III. e) ii. 2) Fact Analysis
The introduction cutscene shows that MFF Cloud travelled from Eclipse Contact to Fatal Calling via Lifestream. It’s unclear how much time has passed in between, but the atemporal nature of the Lifestream makes the question irrelevant. My theory that MFF Cloud has died is corroborated by the way he’s depicted in the opening cutscene: his eyes are closed and his body is limp as the Lifestream carries him.
Eclipse Contact ended with Echo’s claim that Cloud will face his true self and confront his past while he journeys to his Promised Land. This description resembles what Cloud experienced in the OG Lifestream sequence (disk 2, chapter 8). Indeed, Fatal Calling revolves around the same topics the Lifestream sequence addresses: the truth about the Nibelheim incident, Hojo’s experiments, young Cloud’s crush on Tifa, etc. The opening cutscene shows Cloud being transported to his Promised Land and facing his past on the way there, just like Echo said he would.
Let’s now take a long detour to examine the song that plays during the opening cutscene of Fatal Calling: “The Promised Land” theme from Advent Children. The title and general subject of this song are obviously relevant to the cutscene, but there must be more to its inclusion than that. Perhaps the lyrics can help us understand its appearance in the opening cutscene of Fatal Calling. Here are the unofficial English lyrics (translated from the original Japanese lyrics by an anonymous fan and verified by me via DeepL):

“Why do we cling together?
Why do we give punishment to lesser hearts?
The planet did not forgive us
Did not forgive us
The planet did not forgive us
Did not forgive us
The pulse of veins flows through the earth
A faint, faint pulse
Of a heart drawn to death
A gentle life returns to the planet
Is it necessary to sacrifice souls?
Why do we cling together?
Why do we beg for forgiveness
In the Promised Land?” (“‘The Promised Land’ (theme)” by Final Fantasy Wiki).

The song appears to be a regretful lament of human behavior, expressed by the repetition of “Why do we […]?” questions. The behaviors listed are all typically human ones: the terms “[clinging] together” and “[giving] punishment to [the] lesser” express the uniquely human nature of tribalism and the consequences of the fear and hatred it can generate, and “[begging] for forgiveness in the Promised Land” is likely a reference to the human hypocrisy of only feeling sorry for one’s crimes when judgement day arrives. This last line describes a scenario where someone remains passive or ignorant in the face of something important, only to realize its essentiality once it’s too late. The repeated“The planet did not forgive us” lines reflect the fear of being condemned forever because of one’s mistakes, as though the planet is a deity one has sinned against. The lyric describing a pulse in the earth is obviously about the planet being alive— a reference to the Lifestream. But the pulse is faint and weak and the planet is dying, perishing because of mankind’s greed. This is an indictment of mako energy. The line “A gentle life returns to the planet” refers to an innocent’s soul returning to the Lifestream after death, while the next lyric “Is it necessary to sacrifice souls?” protests the “sacrifice” of the planet’s soul energy for mako production. In all this darkness, this song’s mention of “forgiveness in the Promised Land” leaves a modicum of hope for a better place, however meek, even though mankind might not deserve it. The song “The Promised Land” is both a lament of mankind’s ways and a plea for mercy, with religious and/or spiritual undertones. The song’s themes seem to be: the Promised Land itself, regret and shame, the sins and foolishness of mankind, the death of innocents, grief, Cetra spirituality, and a meek, quiet hope despite it all. The most interesting aspect of the song is its antithetical portrayal of death as a thing of both despair and hope, condemnation and salvation, cruelty and mercy, suffering and relief. Maybe we can glean more information about this theme’s significance in the world of FFVII if we examine the contexts in which it appears.
Importantly, the song plays in Marlene’s introductory narration of Advent Children, meaning its themes are related or similar to the film’s. I highly recommend listening and watching it again, even if you remember this iconic segment. Marlene references Aerith’s sacrifice as the image of Cloud lowering her into the water is shown. Note that Marlene says “Sadness was the price to see it end” (2:36) after we are shown Aerith’s death and her subsequent unleashing of the Lifestream (1:49-2:24): Aerith’s innocent life was sacrificed for the planet’s survival. The lyrics “A gentle life returns to the planet” and “Is it necessary to sacrifice souls?” suit Aerith’s situation quite well.
The theme also plays in Advent Children as Kadaj dies in Cloud’s arms (1:45:00-1:47:55), hearing Aerith’s gentle voice and reaching up to take her invisible hand. Here is what Aerith says to him in his dying moments as “The Promised Land” plays:

“Aerith’s voice: Kadaj?
Kadaj: Huh?
The dark sky has gone with Sephiroth. Healing rain starts falling from bright clouds. The rain no longer hurts Kadaj.
Aerith’s voice: You don’t have to hang on any longer.
Kadaj: Mother! Is that…?
Aerith’s voice: Everyone’s waiting, if you’re ready.
Kadaj nods his head slightly in acceptance. He holds out his hand, and slowly evaporates into the Lifestream. Cloud watches […]” (Advent Children).

Kadaj is brought into the Lifestream by Aerith as she provides rain from the Lifestream. All those with geostigma are healed by the rain, and Tifa feels Aerith’s presence as the party celebrates:

“Tifa, looking out at the falling rain […]: Somehow, I knew you were there. Thank you” (Advent Children).

Cloud stands in the rain with a smile —his first in the whole film—, closes his eyes and basks in Aerith’s healing with his face upturned. He is finally at peace:

“Cloud’s expression is one of peace as the [Lifestream] rain patters against him” (Final Fantasy VII Advent Children English script, “[83] Atop the Shinra Building”).

One thing is clear: the track “The Promised Land” accompanies Aerith. It only makes sense, since we’ve seen overwhelming evidence that she is Cloud’s Promised Land, and since she occupies the Lifestream —which some consider the Promised Land as it is where souls go after death— during the events of Advent Children. Note that when the piece plays, Cloud is shown either mourning Aerith and releasing her into the river at the Cetra capital, or basking in her presence, smiling with relief at the peaceful feeling that she’s somewhere near: these two opposing scenes reflect the song’s antithetical portrayal of death.
Additionally, the song’s themes of regret, shame concerning one’s sins and a small hope perfectly describe Cloud’s character arc and feelings in Advent Children. Cloud regrets his inability to save Aerith, which he considers a sin. Further, he only realized how important she is to him once it was too late to tell her. And of course, he harbors a fragile yet important hope that he’ll be reunited with her in the Promised Land:

“‘Can sins ever be forgiven?’ — Cloud asks this to Vincent, who mutters a brief answer. For both of them, ‘I couldn't protect my loved one’ is the sense of guilt that they carry, so their words resonate with weight” (FFVII 10th Anniversary Ultimania Revised Edition, “Chapter 2: Character in FFVIIWorld”, “Vincent Valentine”, “In Advent Children”, page 72).

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"’It is my sin that I couldn't protect my loved one’ — under this assumption, Cloud closes off his heart. What will the reunion with Aerith bring him? ‘I... think I want to be forgiven. Yeah, I just want to be forgiven’” (FFVII 10th Anniversary Ultimania Revised Edition, “Chapter 2: Character in FFVIIWorld”, “Cloud Strife”, “In Advent Children”, page 40).

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“Cloud, after seeing Aerith’s hand reach for him through the Lifestream: … I think I'm beginning to understand.
Tifa: What?

Cloud: An answer from the Planet… the Promised Land... I think I can meet her... there” (disk 3, chapter 3).

Just as the song and Marlene express in the introduction of the film, Aerith was innocent, and her sacrifice generated great grief. Cloud finally experiences peace when he feels her presence in the healing rain, and he smiles: he’s glad to be with her again, even if it’s only for a brief moment of tangential respite.
The scene depicts Aerith guiding Kadaj into the Lifestream as the song plays, tying her to the concept and theme song of the Promised Land once more. This connection is later solidified by Tifa’s thanks to the late flower girl. All of this evidence shows us that this musical theme is intimately linked to Aerith, as it never plays in her absence. After all, the song speaks of sins, the death of innocents, forgiveness, grief, a small sense of hope, regret and the afterlife: all themes relevant to Cloud’s feelings surrounding Aerith’s death in and outside of Advent Children.
The Remake OST also includes a version of this piece called “The Promised Land - Cycle of Life”. This iteration of the theme begins playing in the wake of the first bombing mission, right after Sephiroth taunts Cloud with his mother’s dying words in Sector 8 (chapter 2). Sephiroth appears to Cloud surrounded by flames, evoking the Nibelheim massacre, and the theme begins playing in the background once he disappears, continuing (13:17-15:30) as Cloud walks through the sector, encountering fires and destruction all around him. This version of the Promised Land theme is meant to emphasize the deaths of the innocent Nibelheim townsfolk and the innocents in Sector 8. This dreadful atmosphere is amplified by the cries of despair that ring all around as Cloud passes by NPC Sector 8 residents. Perhaps the themes of tribalism and mankind’s sin are relevant to this scene as well, since Shinra and Avalanche are two distinct and warring groups whose quarrels, regardless of their necessity, result in the deaths of innocents. The theme of guilt also emerges, reflecting the Avalanche members’ feelings upon seeing the unintended collateral damage of the explosion. “The Promised Land - Cycle of Life” plays until Cloud encounters Aerith on Loveless. So it seems in this scenario, the heavy weight of death and despair is lifted when Cloud meets the lively, cheery Aerith. Once more, Aerith is central to the musical theme of the Promised Land, as well as to the concept itself.
I also noticed that a version of the song plays as Cloud and the party ready to enter the Forgotten Capital to save Aerith in Rebirth’s chapter 14: it truly adds the weight of her upcoming death to the scene.
Back to Fatal Calling, the scene where Cloud regains his strength is quite mysterious. Wol says Cloud’s orb regained its “guiding light” light because of its proximity to the mako reactor. In the moment his strength is replenished, Cloud is shown tilting his head back and closing his eyes: this is reminiscent of the scene in Advent Children when he stands under Aerith’s healing Lifestream rain, feeling at peace. The rainbow ripples shining from the orb indicate that something is crossing the boundaries of worlds. Since the mako reactor pumps up the Lifestream, being near a reactor also means being physically near the Lifestream. This means Aerith’s spirit is within proximity. In my opinion, Aerith was able to heal Cloud from the Lifestream, just like in Advent Children. However, Aerith is not in Palamecia with him: her healing had to travel there through the Lifestream, transcending the boundaries of worlds, hence the rainbow ripples.
Let’s now address the appearance of Tifa’s character theme in Fatal Calling. Since Fatal Calling is all about discovering Cloud’s past in Nibelheim and then in Hojo’s lab, it makes lots of sense for Tifa’s theme to play as the crystal appears. In OG’s Lifestream sequence (disk 2 chapter 8), she’s the one there helping Cloud sort through his past instead of Wol and Echo. Cloud even picks up a piece of his childhood crush on Tifa in Fatal Calling as a shard of his memory. After all, this crush was the catalyst for him joining SOLDIER, and everything that transpired in consequence:

“Cloud: That was the first time I heard about Sephiroth. If I got strong like Sephiroth, then everyone might... If I could just get stronger... Then even Tifa would have to notice me” (FFVII OG, disk 2, chapter 8).

Additionally, it’s fitting that her theme should begin right after Sephiroth speaks of “[abandoning] your illusions and [facing] reality”, considering that Cloud’s false persona was concocted by Jenova using Tifa’s mistaken impressions of Cloud:

“While being tended to by a station worker in the Sector 7 Slum train station, [Cloud] was reunited with Tifa, and using the abilities of Jenova’s cells, formed a new personality” (FFVII 10th Anniversary Ultimania Revised Edition, “Chapter 2: Character in FFVII World, “Cloud Strife”, “Cloud Behavior Record, Compilation of FFVII”, page 40).

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“(Image caption:) A new personality takes shape the moment he sees Tifa” (FFVII Story Playback, “Story Check: Tifa’s Flashback”).

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“Tifa (to Cloud): Deep down, you're a pretty nice guy. Didn't see it when we were kids, but...” (Remake, chapter 14).

We have been dating for almost a year (not too long). We also dated a few years back, he was my first love and we reconnected. I truly love him and I believe that he loves/loved me too.
I have recently become suicidal and I guess depressed (not diagnosed) and I have been feeling extremely self critical so when my bf suddenly stopped having sex with me I can’t help but feel like I have done something wrong.
In the first 6 months our sex life was amazing, he would make me finish and I would sometimes cry/get upset after sex (I’m not sure why this happens) but when it happen he would cuddle me tell me it’s okay and still be attracted to me.
He would never reject sex if I was in the mood especially if I offered head. So it’s not like he has a low libido. But recently we have been having (what I like to call) our weekly pitty sex because it feels like he only does it with me so that I can’t say he doesn’t have sex with me.
It takes him much longer to get hard over me and it happens much more rarely. This would be okay if the sex was pleasurable for both of us but it lasts a couple of minutes and he doesn’t even try to satisfy me anymore. (I kiss him, give him head and make it as good for him as I can so it feels pretty selfish).
I have also started to become irritated by the fact that we only have sex when he wants it. I let him have sex with me whenever he wants because I’m worried I won’t have a chance to have sex with him for a long time if I say no. So even when I’m not in the mood I still let him do it. Whenever I’m in the mood he never wants to do it ( which would be fine if it worked both ways but when his in the mood it feels like we have to have sex or else I’m crazy because I love cock so much so I’m just apparently “not having sex to be petty ” since he says “I love cock so much” and never because I’m not in the mood.
He says nothings changed and that apparently I’m “crazy for cock” and I “love cock so much”. Which makes me feel really bad as I used to get bullied for apparently being a slut my whole life (rumours started by an ex bf caused this).
I’m just very attracted to him and don’t understand why he wouldn’t be attracted to me anymore. I have tried to talk to him about this but he always tells me to Shutup, that I’m talking bulshit, that I’m making things up and then he leaves. He always leaves so we don’t get to talk. Most days the second I start to cry he just gets really angry and leaves even when I tell him I have been feeling suicidal and have been searching how to end my life. He just leaves and says I’m crazy.
He used to care for me deeply when I was upset.
Is it normal for men to lose feelings for their gfs sexually? Is he too used to me? Should I change anything? Maybe it’s coz I gained weight but it’s honestly not very noticeable I’m still relatively fit maybe just not as much as I was at the beginning. He says he doesn’t watch porn and I believe him.
I don’t know what to do. Im a highly emotional person (he knows all this we have known eachother since we were 14) and I don’t know how to deal with these emotions of self hatred.
Ps.
I just wanted to say that I don’t see sex as a purely pleasurable thing. I see sex as a bonding between two people and I find that it shows ur love for someone as you want to please them. I have tried toys and masturabation but it’s not the same thing as a bond with someone.
Pps.
I have recently tried to join therapy but there is a long waiting list and I don’t know if I will even get a spot.
Ppps.
Other than his reaction to my sadness and our recentl lack of sex everything is amazing, I truly love him we go on holidays, buy eachother gifts and spend nearly everyday together. I’m only worried about his reactions to my sadness and what I could do to make myself more attractive to him. As I won’t get answer from him, he just says he is still attracted to me.
Also please let me know if I’m just being crazy sometimes I feel like my brain doesn’t work properly and no one wants to listen and work out why I feel the way I do. I myself don’t know why I feel how I feel sometimes. Please be nice.

I (18f) am a senior in high school. Because of covid I lost every friend I had from previous school years (like most people), I ended up doing online school the entirety of my freshman year. Sophomore year I had covid the first 3 weeks of school, so I was late to the friend making game. I ended up eventually making friends with this one kid in one of my class. Or friendship for sophomore year mainly consisted of us working on school assignments together, and eating lunch together. Junior year we had more of the same classes, around 3, one of which is band. We both play the same instrument and while I sucked at it because I started later than most and because of covid, he was no doubtedly the best at our school. I worked really hard into becoming a better player (remember this for later). Since we had more classes we ended up taking more. Whenever I said something that I didn't like I was told I was being sensitive. Whenever I said something regarding school he acted like I'm wrong. He's been a strait A student since the 6th grade, while I, although very good at school and very good grades, have not had a strait As since middle school, mostly due to go through trauma that severely impacted me. He started dating someone about half way though the year.
Senior year starts, I am not as "sensitive" as before, mostly because I just stopped showing that I cared for the most part. Me and him have 5 classes together. And this is where the problem starts.
I had heard a rumor where he tried to sexualy assault his girlfriend at the time (they broke up). I was livid, not at him, once I found out I called him, told him what I heard and that if she dared spread that rumor I would start a fight because that's not something to joke about. He acted calm and just said what he always said "the people who would believe that just aren't real friends, and it's not my problem". He says this is you say any criticism about him. I was so angry at her, until...
One of my friends took me aside and told me what they had heard. They heard that it did happen, and that he (the person who had the rumor about him) had talked about fingering her before. They told me that he had talked shit about me to his (ex)girlfriend, saying that he hated me. Which hurt a lot. I ended up asking her if he did, and because we had never really been on bad terms she said that all he ever really said about me was that I was bad at playing my instrument, but I know she was keeping things from me. Because he is the type of person to do that. From this moment I spotted letting him get away with everything.
Fast forward a couple months, I slowly stopped letting people just get what they want no matter what I want. In my music class my teacher gave us a stack of music to choose from, I had the stack in my hand and someone took it out of my hand and I chose last. Which made me upset but I didn't fight it. The next time we got to choose music I was looking though the stack and I said I would play vibraphone, then looked and it played 3 times and then said I would also play xylophone, which the friend that took me aside was not happy with, (probably should have named them, from this point onward the original guy a x, the friend that pulled me aside is y). Me and y ended up arguing and he ended up with the xylophone and bell part (which both played way more then the 3 notes I got to play). I wasn't happy and I was showing it, after class y started coming at me saying I was being ridiculous and that it was just music and was just talking down to me like I was stupid. I ended up yelling "I am done with the converstation" only after multiple minutes of being talked down to and talked over. People when over to him and asked him what he did which he did not like. A couple days later y text me saying he hated bad blood but it was clear pretty early on he didn't want to work though things he wanted to prove me wrong and say that I was being sensitive and dramatic (which I have been called multiple time since this insident), after this conversation this topic was dropped.
A couple weeks later a different friend (z) gave me a milk carton and called me a very derogatory term that I did not like, and because no one ever takes me seriously I said "I fucking dare you to say that again" which got the work out that I was being serious to most people at lunch, except x who just laugh and then when he looked at me asked "Wait really?", the next Day it was brought up and someone said that should apologize and he did, he then goes to get x and tells x, then x comes out of nowhere, starts talking down to me saying that z doesn't have to apologize and ignoring everyone else who is saying that if you hurt your friends feelings you should apologize. He starts digging into me specifically and I didn't even make him apologize. After several minutes I get so angry I throw my empty milk container at him, and then go to class. (Yes immature I know, but I throw things like pickles at people who are Annoying me, it's funny). After school I final tell him what I'm feeling, granted it though text because of my anxiety. I tell him that he was the asshole, that z dosnt need him fighting his battle, especially if there is no battle to be fought, I reiterated that if you hurt someone feelings, whether or not you think it's ridiculous you should apologize, I told him whether or not he thinks I'm being dramatic (which I have heard them muttering under there breaths) that i have a right to be dramatic. I told him he going to regret putting people on pedestals that don't deserve it. I told him I was tired of feeling like a last choice, and that be makes me feel like garbage. His response to this was "good for you". Which hurt because I thought he would actually take my feelings seriously. The next day I bring it up to y to see what he heard, (because x likes to gossip and spread things more than a girl when it comes to things I say) and he said that he heard that I freaked out after being called the derogatory term, and made z apologize. When trying to tell y my side of the story he said I was being ridiculous, that I wasn't going to make friends in my future if I got offended by being called that term. At some point he asked me who I expected him to believe, x and z or me, and whenever I said ask anyone else who was there his reasons was "of course there gonna take your side". He ends up getting angry that I'm getting upset by what he's saying and says that z hasn't been sitting with the group at lunch because of me, and that z dosnt even like me anymore and dosnt want to be friends. Which made me cry, I ended up walking away after that and cried so hard it gave me a migraine.
Since this event I spotted sitting with them at lunch and if I do sit with them I sit away from x y and z. I don't text them anymore, I block them on Instagram (which I only check once every blue moon). Z found out about this, and confronted me, I said I just needed a little bit of space and done extra privacy and his response was "well I guess I'll just never talk too you again" and then proceed to not say a word to me for a week. During this time x and y have been rolling there eyes and snickering at me.
For the last few weeks I have been getting compliments on how much I have improved on my instrument, like where my band director has yelled out in class telling me good job. It has made me really happy that they see me improving and I really needed someone not think I'm incompetent. Since this has started x has been stand off ish, been arguing with me more. Like I say I'm sad and he says "just don't be sad" or I say i have trouble running the mile because I have server asthma he say "just don't have asthma" and when I say that's not how it works he says I'm closed minded. He said that he has had trama and he's fine, and he doesn't understand that not everyone's perfect. He stared rolling his eyes more and stuff like that.
In my math class for the last unit we are put in group and then we will teach the class a part of the lesson, my group was the first to go up and we go up and x and one of his friends are laughing the whole time. I get in my head about it and loose all my confidence, and as I'm showing how to solve a problem I get my answer and say to the class "I'm sorry if this is wrong but this is what I got" I felt really embarrassed and I hear him say that's not what he got, and then they start laughing. Again he is a start A student and doesn't try. After a minute or two my teacher come up to me and tells me I'm right Which made me feel a little bit better. After me partner was done with her problem I go back up to show one more and I point out that the problem I wasn't sure on, that what I had gotten as an answer was correct.
Last incenident (sorry this is so long) Me x and y are in a group and we preform piece in out instruments (we all play the same) we have a couple events coming up, one of which we were practicing for and x was moving his drum up and down so I started to copy what I saw. My drum sits higher and most of x's body was blocked so I copied what I saw. When they see he they said I look ridiculous, and telling me I'm doing it wrong and I say I'm copying what I'm seeing, and this goes back and forth and y said "yup your right and everyone else is wrong", all I'm trying to do is defend myself that what I see may be something different then what he's doing. Another event is coming up where we preform this one song we spend 2 to 3 months on at out schools talent show, there are 6 of us in the group, 3 of us want to do it, one of us has the SAT and dosnet know when the SAT starts to he doesn't know yet but x and y have been complaining about it saying they don't want to do it because they think that No one will show up and that it will be lame. Auditions are tomorrow and they both say they are bust, granted y has a valid excuse, x hasn't said an excuse just said that he was busy even though he hadn't mention it in previous conversations about this subject and only said it at the last minute which made me said, that they aren't getting out of the talent show and that they can't always get what they want.
So AITA

Hello, you can call me Cory. I am a woman nearly 23 and just went no contact with my mom. It all happened so fact and I’m not regretting it at all, but I am trying to process it. I’ve always ALWAYS had horribly mixed feelings about my mom. She has always been so scared and angry and yet she was the only parent ever in my life. My dad came in and out ripping my heart to pieces and she was my only constant. She was at least taking care of us(my older brother and I) though my brother did most of the emotional part since she was always so scarily unpredictable. Lashing out for needing lunch money, signatures, talking to her too soon after she got home from work, asking about dinner was a regular if not daily occurrence in that house. She also didn’t want to be a mom and reminded us of that constantly. We ‘ruined’ her. We were always a burden it seemed. There was also the threat of her sending us to our father, who she knew was physically violent, if we protested or cause too much trouble. She primed us for college as if that was our life purpose, and now I’m here. My brother didn’t finish college and so the pressure shifted all to me in high school. I broke myself and burnt out trying to get all A’s and the best test scores possible. I did rotc, our band’s color guard, culinary, honor societies, you name it. I got to my senior year and Covid came. I honestly enjoyed being able to recluse for the time I was able, some may say I still am. It was the first time in my life if felt like I was able to realize college wasn’t a dream for me, it was hers. Telling her that came with the mixed message of she wanted me to be happy but she would not support me at all if I didn’t go; knowing I couldn’t support myself, I went. I just kept faltering though, I was unable to handle much of college after sophomore year but I just wanted to get it over with. During that time she married my ex’s dad and didn’t even bother to tell me. I found out while helping her edit a letting to his boss thanking them for the honeymoon. I was devastated. I felt like I wasn’t even a part of our own family anymore. This is after my brother went no contact with her too so I felt totally alone. She went across the country and left me alone in a state with no family. She did pay for my dorm but I felt abandoned. Telling her this was met with her telling me how selfish I was for not wanting her to go. Fast forward to now. I have moved in with my boyfriend, taken over all my bills and financially separated from her. Her new step son of course graduated on time and so she came down for it. I had been avoiding talking to her for months and involved her as little as I could in my life. Every conversation was so tense I never felt comfortable telling her anything in fear that it would be weaponized against me. So after days of her trying to push me into plans of seeing her, I finally cut the cord. I told her how far I felt from our relationship. I told her how hurt by our whole lives I was. I told her that I was glad that she had people around her for this so that she wasn’t alone. I told her that I couldn’t blame her for everything considering that she came from extreme abuse. Often times when I’m mad at her, I will see her as the little girl I saw in a picture of her when she was young. I look at her and I see such a broken woman who just decided that she would never seek help. I look at her and I see such a broken woman who just decided that she would never seek help. my father was physically abusive, so I got used to the feeling of not having a dad but for a while the thought that my mom might’ve eventually love me like I needed it got me through him and the loss of him. I feel like I’ve been begging with her for centuries to at least hear me out in a way that wasn’t dismissive. It never really worked. Any pain I expressed was taken as a criticism of her p dismissive. It never really worked. Any pain I expressed was taken as a criticism of her unwanted parentage. In a way I think it was that she got a whole new family that hurt the most. It feels like when she married him, she did everything she could to erase that we even existed. Bringing up my father was a no, her having a different last name was a no, suddenly our last name was bad and only representative of her father. It worked the same for him too though, her new husband. I don’t disagree with wanting to wipe the slate clean and begin anew, but to erase a father or a mother from your child’s life is to erase part of who that are. My dad abused all of us. Much of my life was defined by that. To erase him, came with her erasing this person who grew up only know how to fight or get hit. That’s who I’m trying to grow out of, but it is part of me. I can never deny that. I don’t ever want to talk to her, but I miss her so much. I miss feeling like we had a future, like he wanted me, like she felt safe with me. I miss feeling safe with her. I miss her smile and the way she laughed with me. I miss seeing her excited about life. I blocked her soon after because I thought she’d just tell me how horrible I was. I couldn’t imagine a situation where she would do what I wanted: hug me, apologize. I really wish I would have gotten a last hug or something because she hasn’t tried to contact me since. I know that is what I want, but that is only because she stopped trying to have a life with us. My adolescence felt like her race to the finish line. Before no contact, but after she moved, she had never come to visit me. She never called to talk about life past how I was in school. If I was too honest about my discontentment, we only fought, so everything became fake. I don’t know how to feel about this all. I’m struggling. I’m just looking for support and am in between therapists at the moment. Anything is something. I’m not looking to have my mind changed. I know she’s happy now that she can be in the world she wants. Thank you for reading.

Warning: Mentions of violence, blood, and some self harm near the end.
While browsing some random conspiracy site, I found what is a supposedly leaked file from the Nevada County Sheriff's Department; however, nothing has been confirmed. According to the OP, it is believed the following is the personal account of a 21 year old Jonathan Ashford of Grass Valley, California. Normally I would write stuff like this off but this one is...different. I’ve done my best to correct most of the grammar and misspelling while at the same time trying to avoid skewing the original account.
-September 15, 2022
I’ve never really been an outdoor person. Well, I guess that’s because I’ve never really been outdoors much in the first place. And that’s because I guess…I've never been invited? I don’t really have any friends. So, needless to say, I was surprised to find myself on a backpacking trip with a group of 5 other students from my university. The plan was five days in Tahoe National Forest some place called Mystery Lake. Monday-Friday. I don’t know why they decided to do it during the week. Most of us had okay grades at best and part time jobs on the side so taking a week off of it all seemed at the very least a bit irresponsible; and yet, I went anyway. Listen, I didn’t plan it, okay? This was one of my only chances to get to know people. The hike wasn’t too long but my genius self who had only been backpacking once when I was around 9 years old or so decided to carry 60 pounds of bullshit up the mountain resulting in my shoulders being sore and raw for the foreseeable future.
-10:11 PM
To be honest, I don’t really know why they let me come with them. I only know one of them and the group has been ignoring me for pretty much the entire trip. I was always bringing up the back on the hike in and I set up my tent outside of the main camp behind some trees. I haven’t eaten any meals with them or talked to them or, now that I think about it, anything really. Regardless. The trip has been an experience. Hopefully things get more exciting tomorrow.
-September 16
I’ve only ever slept in a tent a couple times so the new environment and lack of sleeping pills resulted in quite a restless night. I woke up at about eleven; everyone else was gone. I remembered they were talking about a day hike on a trail headed north so assuming that’s where they went, I hurried to get dressed and grabbed some granola bars. I’m about to head out. I hope I find them.
-12:21 PM
I’d been briskly walking for around an hour and was feeling quite exhausted so when I heard the group’s voices off in the distance I was very relieved. I started to jog in their direction when–when this jolt or–wave of energy flooded my mind. My head instantly started throbbing and my vision went blurry. The best way I could describe it is–TV static? Like the old TVs that would go all staticky when the signal got bad. I could barely make out shapes and a space in the middle of my vision was especially dark to the point where I couldn’t see past it. That wasn’t the worst of it, though. God no, if only I was that lucky. I can still hear the shrieking. That goddamn shrieking. In an instant all I could hear was this sharp, scratchy shrieking. It pierced through my ears and rooted itself in my head. I think I cried out in pain but even if I did I couldn’t have heard it. It was as if the damned souls of hell all cried out in eternal pain all at once and begged for death. I gripped and pulled at my hair, hardly noticing the pain that resulted from it as I fell to my knees in agony before…
I slowly opened my eyes. My head hurt and there was a slight buzzing in my ears. I lay in a pile of ivy next to a fallen log, my back dampened from the cool soil beneath me. I stood up, the hill on which I previously stood was nowhere in sight. As I leaned my shoulder against a tree to steady myself I heard voices. Cautiously, I walked through the foliage as the low vines dragged along my ankles. As I walked, I looked up. The falling sun cast a soft orange glow across the sky. It was probably around five O’clock or so. I climbed up on a large rock only to realize I was near the main camp. I pin-pointed the voices of my fellow campers as they huddled around a low-burning campfire. As I sat down to listen to them speak I could sense a strong feeling of uneasiness resonating from the group. Then it hit me.
“Are you sure you haven’t seen her since earlier this afternoon?” One of them said, I think his name was Matthew? He was tall and lean, by far the tallest in the group.
“I’m sure! It just doesn’t make sense. One minute she was behind me going on about who knows what and then the next when I turn around she’s gone!” A girl with light brown hair said. I didn’t know her name. I could see tears forming at the corner of her eyes as the wind blew her hair into her face.
“We need to find her before it gets dark. Groups of two; stick together!” A shorter man with brown hair said. Ryan. He was the only one I knew. We weren’t friends. Definitely not. But he was nice enough to me in the classes we had together and I was grateful that I was able to go on the trip with him. As he walked past the boulder I sat beside, paying me no mind, I saw his lower lip quiver as his wide eyes looked straight ahead. He was more nervous than he led on. I zoned out for a few seconds, the static from earlier crawling its way into the corners of my vision when a chipmunk climbing a tree snapped me back to reality and I realized I had been left at camp. I looked around at the tall forest but the group was nowhere in sight. I assumed they wanted me to wait at camp in case the missing girl, Alice, came back, but as I moved toward the dying campfire the call of nature occupied my thoughts. I found a spade and a roll of toilet paper and strode briskly into the forest, the cool Autumn air rushing against my chapped lips as I walked. I reached over to scratch an itch on my arm when I saw it.
“The fuck?” I wondered out loud. There on my upper forearm was…a bite mark. I rattled my brain trying to think what could have made that kind of mark. As I examined it more I confirmed my suspicions. It seemed human. At least I think it was human. It’s not like there are any goddamn monkeys native to Middle of Nowhere, California. There was also a dark purple bruise on my lower forearm. Didn’t remember getting that either.
I looked around for a good spot. Stepping over a log, I set my foot down on something soft. It was Alice. Her right hand crushed and mangled and a dried trickle of blood at the corner of her mouth had pooled on a flattened leaf. I screamed, tripping and falling back in the direction I hoped was the camp. As I jumped over a rock I landed hard on my left ankle as a streak of pain shot up through my body. I was trying to get back up when I heard it. The screeching. It steadily yet quickly faded in until it flooded my hearing. My vision was clouded by that same static. I curled up into a ball, kicking at the air. My eyes watered and I felt the urge to vomit…
A wave of dizziness hit me as I opened my eyes and fell on my tailbone, pain shooting up my back. I lay down on my back and looked up at the trees, my nose bloody. It was still dark. Had I been standing? I tried to recall what I had been doing but all I remembered were faded images. One thing I didn’t forget was the screeching. All that I could remember was covered by that screeching and a faint veil of that static. Just thinking about it made my head throb.
A groan. I nearly jumped out of my skin as I turned to look in the sound’s direction. It was David. He looked injured, lying on the ground, but quickly crawled back in what looked like fear when he saw me.
“You bitch!” He muttered between gritted teeth. Before I could react he was up on his feet charging in my direction. I tried to doge him but the wind was quickly knocked out of me as he headbutted me in the stomach. I fell back onto the ground and between coughs I saw him running towards me. Before he could deliver a heavy stomp to my chest I caught his foot and kicked up into his groin. He stumbled back with a low yelp of pain and, taking my chance while he was stunned, I stood up as fast as I could and prepared to block another attack. He ran up to me and attempted to deliver a blow to my stomach with his right fist, leaving his upper body undefended; I used the opportunity to send a hard punch into the side of his neck. He fell back choking, tears in his eyes. As he tried to sit down he tripped on a root and hit his head on a nearby boulder with a sickening crack. He squirmed for a moment, then nothing.
Silence. There was a faint red stain on the side of the rock, and beneath his blood-stained hair, his head seemed unnervingly misshapen. The closer I looked, the more I saw. Bruised neck, flowing blood, even some pinkish bone exposed near the worst of the damage to his skull. The fall must’ve been worse than I thought. Why would he attack me? What was wrong with him? Had he mistaken me for someone else? I sat against the blood-stained boulder and leaned my head back. I’m exhausted. Everything hurts. My ankle is throbbing. I can’t remember how long it’s been since I’ve slept and I don’t know what to do. I should probably go try to find the camp but…I’m too tired. I think I’m going to go to sleep now.
-September 18
I slept through the entire day and most of the night! Or, at least I think I did. The more I think about it I’m not so sure. It’s like 2:30 AM, glad my phone still works even if my brain doesn’t, just wish I had signal. I’m not sure what to do but I might try to go find
-4:29 AM
Something’s definitely out here with us. Or–me. Not sure how many of the others are left out here. I’m sure that shrieking is tied to something. I heard something off in the distance while writing and decided to go check it out. It was Matthew and that other girl. They were walking briskly and their eyes seemed to be darting around frantically. They were talking in hushed tones but from what I heard they found Alice's body, and they were worried. I was about to reveal myself to them when the shrieking came back. It hit me like a train, and sometimes I think a train would have hurt less. It felt like it lasted for hours, I bit a hole through my lip and fell off of the boulder I was sitting on. I couldn’t see anything except a dark patch of static in the middle of my vision surrounded by more static. All the cuts and bruises in my body seemed to amplify and I could barely breathe. I just wanted it to stop but it wouldn’t. It wouldn’t stop.
The two were dead when I came to. I wasn’t much better off myself. No matter how much I spit I can’t get the taste of blood out of my mouth. My arms are covered in cuts and bruises and my shoulder was dislocated. That was a fun half hour figuring out how to put it back in place. I think whatever is out here with us clouds your vision and makes it impossible to hear anything as a way to hunt you. I’m amazed it hasn’t killed me yet. I hope Ryan is still out there.
-6:06 AM
It’s been a long night. A really long night. I found Ryan but–but now I wish I hadn’t. It was around five AM I think, I had been aimlessly wandering through the forest looking for something, anything. By the most unlucky luck Ryan came stumbling around a tree. When he saw me his eyes went wide.
“Jon, what the hell?” Then he squinted his eyes and seemed to notice the wounds on my arm.
“Oh god,” he said. Then, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small knife, glaring at me during the process. Before I could reply, he charged me, knife in hand. I–I didn't want to kill him. I really didn’t. He tackled me to the ground, forcing the knife close to my chest. I desperately tried to push him away and being the stronger one, I knocked him off me. As he hurried to get back on top of me I sent my right leg flying into his arm, knocking the knife from his hand. Before he realized what was happening I grabbed the knife from the ground. In what seemed like a last desperate attempt he tried to force me down again but, already having the knife in my hand, I quickly slashed his chest and one of his wrists without thinking. I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t mean to kill him! I was just defending myself. I don’t know why he attacked me, what’s gotten into him and David? Is that thing controlling them? They didn’t seem like they were under some kind of spell…I don’t think so at least.
After a soft cry of pain he collapsed and rolled down the steep hill we were standing on. I didn’t bother looking for his body. No point. Odds are that thing would use his body as a trap for me or something. I don’t know anymore.
Somehow I found my way back. I don’t remember how, all I remember is collapsing against a tree out of exhaustion but, here I am at the trailhead. I guess my half dead brain forgot most of it. I don’t know what I’ll do now, I don’t think I’ll tell the police. If they hear that some creepy ghost creature is hiding out in the forest killing my friends I’ll probably get locked up in who the fuck knows where for who the fuck knows what. But, no matter how many or how few believe me, I know something is out there. And I know it’s dangerous. I doubt the bodies will ever be found. That forest is huge and I buried Matthew and Elizabeth, found her name in a backpack she had on.
This will be my last entry. My name is Jonathan Ashford, and I survived something dangerous in the Tahoe national forest. Whatever you do, do not go there. Goodbye.
-September 22, 2022, 5:06 PM
Ryan survived. The police are after me. Apparently he told them I stalked them in the forest and picked them off when they weren’t together. I don’t know what’s happening. There are some gaps in my memory but I know that I didn’t kill those people. I only killed David, and that was self defense. I’m not sure what I’ll do. The police don’t know where I am but I’m sure that won’t last long.
-8:19 PM
I saw an interview with Ryan on the local news while browsing channels. He seemed–off. There were bags under his eyes and his skin was pale. He seemed nervous, shaky. I hope he’s ok. I still don’t understand why he thinks I killed them.
-September 23, 3:12 AM
ok ok. I have a theory. I’ve been up all night thinking and it makes so much sense now. That thing can shriek. Terrifying right? But explainable. The static I still can’t make sense of, there’s no feasible way it could naturally do that. What if whatever supernatural force causes the static can also control people? Maybe that’s why Ryan looks so crazy. It must be controlling him. But why would it want me? Am I immune to its effects? Maybe.
-6:04 AM
They didn’t notice it. It didn’t hit them. When I was spying on Matthew and Elizabeth, right before they were–anyways.
The shrieking hit my ears before the static hit my eyes and in those few seconds, they didn’t notice. It didn’t affect them. They didn’t hear the shrieking. Maybe the shrieking is that monster thing's abilities failing to control me. Maybe that's why ryan-whatever’s controlling Ryan wants me. It’s because I’m a threat to it. Because It can’t control me. When I woke up I was injured, but never killed like the others. Maybe it doesn’t have as much power over me as others.
But why would the authorities believe Ryan? There’s no way his story can add up. Even if that creature, that thing, is intelligent, it can’t be that smart to fake a story. Why are they after me?
-11:42 PM
The police came by today. I was about to update this log again when they started banging on my door. I was able to sneak out a window before they noticed me, glad I live on the ground floor.
Something seemed off about them. I can’t say what but, something, like the uncanny valley effect, where something looks human but isn't. Whatever. It’s probably just my imagination. I need sleep.
-September 24, 2:20 AM
Something is wrong–something is definitely wrong. How did they find me? Holy shit that was close! I was dozing by a couple of dumpsters behind a gas station. Figured it was safe enough since it was out of the way and partly blocked by a fence until I heard dogs barking. Not sure how many of them there are, at least two–maybe three, I can still hear them barking. I figured they were just strays that would hopefully leave me alone until I saw the lights. Damn things half-blinded me!
“Son, what are you doing back here? Can we walk to you?” one of the officers said, his face was clammy and pale, he seemed tired, he seemed–off. I didn’t respond or wait for them to try and get closer, I dashed past them before they could call their dogs on me and jumped the fence, running into the tree line. I managed to climb my way up a tree a ways into the woods before they could get around the fence and send their dogs out. They haven’t found me yet, but they’re still looking for me. I can see their flashlights periodically bathing the tree line in a pale glow. I think I’ll try to wait them out and then climb down and run for as long as I can. Not sure where I’ll go yet but they keep finding me so I’ll have to get creative. Not sure how they’re finding me so quickly and easily, but maybe I can come up with something. Is that–thing finding me? Does it always know where I am? Is it controlling the police? Maybe that's why they looked so…wrong. I don’t know. I’m starting to think I don’t know anything anymore. I keep noticing the static in the corner of my vision occasionally, not sure why.
-September 24, 5:03 PM
I fucked up. Big time. Last night, somehow, I fell asleep. I don’t know how, guess I was just too exhausted. The sound of a helicopter pierced through the top of the tree line. Before I could register everything, I slipped and fell down the tree. I was able to slow my fall a bit by dragging my hands along the tree–hurt like a bitch–but I still landed hard. Can barely sit down. I think I was able to avoid being detected by the helicopter. I’m going to start walking. Not sure where but, I need to go somewhere. The static is constantly in the corner of my vision whenever I focus on it now. Why is this happening?
-10:44 PM
This doesn’t make any sense, I don’t know what's happening anymore! I was wandering through the forest when the static came back. God, it was awful, forgot how bad it was. Hell, maybe it was worse this time. Who knows. This isn’t the weirdest, or worst, part. I woke up in my apartment, I’m exhausted, but don’t have any new visible injuries despite how shitty I feel. Not sure why that thing didn’t try to hurt me, maybe it gave up on trying.
The news was on when I woke up, God I’m so fucked. They found the bodies–the ones that I buried. Of course they found my DNA all over them, used their forensics or whatever to try to explain how I killed everyone. I’ll have to admit if it wasn’t all a setup by some evil entity out to get me it would be pretty convincing. Sometimes–I find myself believing it. I don’t know what to think at this point, nothing makes sense anymore. The static is far more noticeable now. My head is starting to hurt, too.
They haven’t come back to my apartment yet, probably don’t think I would return this soon after they searched the place. I know they’ll be here eventually but I’m too tired to care right now. My brother and his kids used to live a few hours out of town, I think he built a treehouse for his kids somewhere behind the house. Maybe I’ll go try and hide out there for as long as I can. As if that will be very long at all.
-September 26, 6:24 PM
Everywhere I look, everything I watch. They’re always out for me. Everyone is looking for me. The things the police and the media keep saying about me–the evidence that gets released every day, the testimonies, officials saying I have symptoms of psychological problems like psychosis and DID, of Bipolar. More and more–I’m starting to believe it myself. Surely it's that thing. Surely it’s getting in my head…right?
-September 27, 1:03 PM
Made it to the treehouse, glad it’s still here. Had a few close calls along the way when trying to steal food from gas stations but I made it ok. Glad I did, the static is starting to really cloud my vision and my head hurts so bad my ears are starting to ring. I’m not out of the woods yet, that’s for sure. I can sense them...it. They’re trailing me. I think they’re getting close.
I’m so tired, so confused. I don’t know what to do, what to think anymore. What’s next? Maybe I’ll try to get some rest…if I can, that is.
I could try to come up with something, some silver bullet or whatever. I have this one idea, it’s not smart or clever, not even close, but it’s an idea, and it won’t let it–them–it, whatever, win. At least I don’t think it will; besides, surely it has a bigger plan for me, right? There’s no way it would go through all this effort just to kill me…
-4:39
They found me. I can hear them outside. They’re getting closer.
To be honest, I don’t know anymore. Maybe I did kill all those people, maybe I am insane. I don’t know what to believe. There’s so much being said, so many people saying it. I’m just so confused, so tired, so scared.
There's a bomb on the chair beside me, homemade. Glad I grabbed enough supplies to build it. Took me a while to figure it out as well as a few close calls but I think I got it working. They’ll have quite the surprise waiting for them once they find me…
They’re at the base of the tree now. The static has almost completely consumed my vision and my head feels like it’s about to explode. I don’t know what’s real and what’s not anymore. I’m not sure why I was made the target of this, why this is happening to me at all, but regardless of the reason, I won’t let them win.
To the creature, or entity, to whatever is doing this to me: I’ll see you in Hell.
Goodbye
Aside from some generic legal stuff to conclude the report, that’s where the document ends. I’m not sure what to make of it. Definitely a lot to take in. I contacted the OP on the site I got this from but haven’t received a response yet, will update if I receive one. For now my only advice is be careful, and don’t go backpacking in Tahoe National Forest. If anyone has any thoughts or info, please, let me know.

hi everybody. i apologize for the long post in advance, I tend to overwrite.
so i have known for a while that my mom has a problem with drinking. i remember when I was young, around 11 or so, she made me come downstairs from my room and dance with her in the kitchen. she kept praising my dancing, and made my brother come down too. i told her that I just wanted to sleep, but she insisted upon our dancing. apple bottom jeans was playing and even today i cannot fully enjoy the song because of this memory. this was right around the time of her divorce, so I guess that is when I first remember it. i never really remember her drinking before my parents got divorced.
flash forward today; I am in my late teens, and I go away for college. i am recently home on summer break and I feel a bit distraught whenever my mom drinks, though I have been feeling this way for a while now. it is like she becomes a different person, unrecognizable in behavior and attitudes. the sweet, intelligent, compassionate woman I know is gone, and is replaced with a happy-go-lucky, forgetful person that slurs their words. i can tell every time when she has been drinking, even when she is nearly sober.
she did not start drinking until later in life, a fact which my aunt has confirmed. lately my mom's job has not been so great (something, like her alcohol, which I scarcely speak to her about), and I think she has been coping by drinking. apparently I told my aunt one time that I overheard her being rude to a client on the phone, which my aunt characterized as being hungover, or even drunk. i wouldn't doubt the possibilities of either. she also once got pulled over and fucking arrested because she was driving over the speed limit and told the officer she had a glass of wine. my brother and i were younger and in the car, at least 40 minutes away from where we lived. though i thought that cop was an ASSHOLE and had no sympathy for the young children in the car, my mother was also behaving differently than she would have sober. she got pushed onto the back of the car and resisted arrest. someone else had to pull over to help the officer push her down onto the grass to cuff her. then he took her away in a cop car while his buddy cop sat in the front seat, watching my brother and i. i was in seventh grade, my brother in fourth, and we were coming back from a dinner 'celebration' after some tournament i competed in for the local library. i remember blaming myself for the incident, that if i hadn't been in the tournament and we hadn't stopped for food which i asked for, none of it would have happened. after that, my dad got full custody (something which i learned recently) and my brother and i had biweekly CPS visits. i remember that at the end of our visits, my mom grew bitterly resentful of the CPS agent visiting us. it didn't make her stop drinking.
a few weeks ago, I was at dinner with her, my brother, and some family/family friends. there, I was making snide remarks about her drinking, like saying that I am a lightweight too so she has nothing to be ashamed about. in retrospect these remarks were immature, but I couldn't help it at the time. if she won't talk about it, it's not like i can just up and pretend it isn't bothering me. she got extremely upset at me and held me in the car while she admonsihed me, my brother and family friends in a boba shop at the time. i don't really remember what she said to me, but i told her that i feel uncomfortable when she drinks. the rest of the night she acted extremely passive aggressive towards me; one time i needed to go get something in the car and when i returned her keys, she snatched them out of my hands. i know when my mother is mad because she will never say it to my face.
the next day she woke me up at eight in the morning, shaking my foot and telling me to come outside as soon as i woke up. outside of our airBNB we sat on the porch and she told me of how she thinks her life is a failure and how she has tried every coping method there is: meditation, therapy, weed (which she also partakes in now), yoga, you name it. she says that therapy has not worked for her, and that it feels good to just turn her brain off for a while. then she was saying some really alarming things, like that she could be dead by the time I'm out college like her father was, which made me start to cry. i didn't want to fight with her anymore, i just wanted my mom back.
anyway, cut forward a few weeks and i am here, back at home, witnessing what i have missed firsthand. today, she was drinking by around 4. i left the house around 2 and by the time i came back, i knew she had a drink. then around 5 i left to hang out with my friend. i opened her door to give her back something of hers i had, and her face was in her hands, her arms on the desk. when she heard me come in she perked up and asked me what's up, and i felt heartbroken. i didn't ask her about it, i just played it off like i hadn't noticed and happily accepted the refuge of my friend's car. but after speaking with my aunt, brother, and dad about it, i feel more worried than before. i think my mother's drinking is getting in the way of her work, and it is getting in the way of her life. she told me she is miserable. i don't know how i can help her. i can only watch. and the worst part is, my brother is alone while i am at college and must witness everything by himself. we at least had each other before, but now i am away half the year.
I'm thinking of going to my local AL-Anon meetings, because it is really bothering me now. i don't know if my words will mean anything to her about this, i think they will only cause her shame which will lead her into drinking. i am not sure why i wrote this whole thing out, but it has made me feel a bit better, even if nobody reads it. thank you to anyone that has read, this subreddit makes me feel less alone in my experiences <3

As the topic says I am a 50s male and sex with my wife has never been frequent except for maybe the first year. Within a decade even the infrequent (a few times a year) sex stopped entirely. I won't lie and say that everything has gone swimmingly, but we have been together for 30+ years now and built a nice life together. We enjoy each other's company, have similar interests, and get along pretty well outside of the bedroom. We love each other and I could see spending the rest of my life with her in terms of how well we get along most of the time.
We are in marital counseling at my insistence, because I feel like my needs aren't being met and are being minimized by her. It wasn't just sex. There were other needs as well, but we have done a good job of working through most of those issues and finding ways to compromise. The one which remains is our completely dead sex life. My wife claims she is post-menopausal, her body has closed up shop now, and it is never going to happen again which was really a difficult thing to hear her say. It makes me feel sad for her as well as me that we lived without that pleasure for most of our marriage and it did hurt our intimacy in other ways although that's a lot better now after counseling.
There are some reasons that sex was difficult for her having to do with things that happened to her as a child and as a teen, but she never shared that with me during our marriage. It only finally came out in counseling. I might have been a lot more sympathetic and willing to help work on things for both of our sakes if she had said something earlier, but she never did. I am angry at her for denying me and herself a healthy sex life and keeping that secret. I understand the guilt, the shame, and the fear but I can't believe she just kept that to herself for 30+ years even as I asked her why our sex life was non-existent. She always came up with different reasons, said she didn't enjoy it, and ultimately said she thought she was asexual because it wasn't something she ever thought about. She disliked it and wanted it over as fast as possible when it did happen. A lot of it makes sense now, but it is too little, too late.
I was talking to my wife yesterday and I told her how much resentment I have about our lack of intimacy. I told her I am not sure I can get past it. She said "We are best friends. We have everything. Big deal if you're not my Latin lover. Why is that an issue? You wouldn't leave me over that would you? We're both over 50 now! If it was that much of a dealbreaker you should have done something a long time ago and not now. I will be furious if you leave now after all of this."
I have been mulling over what she said and I don't know why she is mad at me for finally speaking up and telling her my needs aren't being met. She could have said something to me, too, instead of just rejecting me over and over for years! All this time I felt unloved and unattractive, like a bad lover unable to please her, searching for possible answers to solve our problem from hormones to better sexual techniques, romantic getaways, I even worried about if it was my haircut or my snoring or something I said or did to turn her off. Countless hours spent. I even got her some books to read, which she never read and I see now that's because she knew what the problem was all along.
It really impacted my mental health and my self-esteem. I couldn't make female friends because I didn't trust myself around them. I managed to stay loyal in a strict sense (no sex), but it was an effort, and I did do some things I wasn't proud of such as visiting strip clubs (I can count the times on one hand) and watching porn which she knew about but disapproved of. I told her that if she won't have sex with me then I need some kind of outlet and she relented, but I know she wasn't happy about it. Even now she says "How do I know you weren't off at some strip club or with a whore when you said you were at work?" so it contributed to trust issues in the relationship as well. I also did visit one of those women that does sensual massage twice. My wife doesn't know about that. It was an amazing experience but I didn't want to be caught doing that. An old girlfriend also offered to help me out and I turned her down. My wife does know about that, because I told her thinking maybe it would make her realize that other women find me desirable and I do have options. Interestingly, she wasn't mad about that. All she said was "Poor girl."
The thing is... sex isn't THAT important to me. However, I still do have sexual desire and I hate feeling like I might cheat on her some day to fulfill it. I stopped getting the massages because I was afraid it would lead to more. It's a constant internal battle. Even if I resign myself to a sexless marriage I feel like she would still be ignoring my needs, which is why I wanted counseling. There's got to be SOME compromise she is willing to make.
However, even if she suddenly turned into a blowjob queen there is still all of that resentment for the years of being ignored, rejected, and made to feel ashamed because I want sex with my wife. Even her words yesterday "Big deal if you're not my Latin lover" I feel were chosen to make fun of me. I'm not Latin. She just chose some stereotype of what she perceives as a macho hyper sexualized man (which she knows I am not) to shame me as if to say "You don't want to be one of THOSE do you?" When she said it she wiggled her hips in an exaggerated manner.
I have been thinking hard about if she is right. Do I just want to throw it all away over sex? . Can I get over the resentment? I feel like a really bad man for thinking about my sex life when my poor wife has all that trauma, but what is the end game there? She already said sex is over and done. I don't want to open up the marriage. I am just trying to decide if I am being really petty and self-centered. Our counselor says that it's not petty if it's important to me, but it's not important to everyone and people have happy marriages without sex. He hasn't given me any suggestions on how to get past the resentment.
I'd appreciate some advice.

Wonder Women

Issue Fifty
Written by u/VoidKiller826
Edited by u/Predaplant
Arc: Revelations
*************************************************************
Greetings, people of Gateway City. This is your new peacekeeper speaking. You might know me as the White Magician, a rather crude name, but I will accept it considering Man’s World's lack of creativity. However, you may also call me Circe, and I am here with an important message that your news station will deliver for all to hear.
SCYTHE is no more: their HQ is under my and the Red Centipedes’ command. The Commander and his soldiers are dead and buried, as you all wished to happen. I was more than happy to oblige you if it meant depriving your stupid President of her next chance for reelection. Any survivors of the prison break are being hunted down by the people they locked in cages, who are more than happy to round them up as they once had been themselves.
But none of that’s important, for this recording is only to be heard by one person: Olympos, Wonder Girl, or whatever the fuck new title name you want to be called. This message is for you: You are to surrender yourself to me here in SCYTHE HQ in the next five hours, and in turn, I will not destroy this piss-end of a city. If you fail, I promise you, I will make Coast City look like a picnic by the time I finish with Gateway.
That cow you call Wonder Woman is dead, and I will make sure everyone else will follow her if you don’t comply with my request.
Your mentor learned a valuable lesson when she tested my patience.
*************************************************************
Spears Apartment - Gateway City:
[...President Cale has announced the complete closure of all access to Gateway City following the prison break that occurred in SCYTHE’s holding facility hours ago,] said Cassandra Arnold from GateNews, the city’s main news station. [We still have an unconfirmed number of escapees following the message sent by the White Magician, but the President has assured GateNews a solution will be found.]
Vanessa Kapatelis watched the TV in dismay. Pacing back and forth in the Spears duplex apartment, she had the TV on to pass the time while Ares worked on helping Helena and Cassandra upstairs.
“Here,” Vanessa turned away from the TV to see Tanya Spears handing her a bottle of water. “Something for you to drink.”
“Thank you,” Vanessa accepted the bottle. “I would prefer a beer, but this will make do.”
“My mom has her wine collection in a locked cabinet,” Tanya noted, pointing at the kitchen. “She doesn’t know that I know that, but I can get you a bottle?”
Vanessa chuckled. “Thanks, but I don’t want a girl your age to be walking around with alcohol or to get you in trouble with your mom.” She twisted the bottle cap and slowly drank. “I needed that… it feels like I’ve been dry for months.”
“It’s actually been 3 hours,” Tanya said, sitting on the sofa and opening her tablet to look over the internet. “I hope what she said wasn’t true… about Wonder Woman not being around…”
Taking a seat by her side, Vanessa saw that Tanya was reading through the report on what happened to SCYTHE. The escaped convicts had taken control of the SCYTHE headquarters and equipment after killing many of the agents that had stood in their way.
Seeing the photo of SCYTHE HQ burning angered her. That place should represent the absolute shield of Gateway. Now, it had come under the control of the convicts that they were supposed to stop because of Aeeta Branwen. A name that had made her happy now belonged to a stranger who had lied to her all this time.
Memories of their most intimate moments came flooding back: their first conversation, their first date, their kiss, and the morning after their date in her apartment. It was a moment when she thought she could finally stop grieving and move on from what happened to Coast City. And now, that had been disintegrated into oblivion.
In anger, she crushed the bottle with her hand, spraying water all over the table and the floor.
“Shit!” Vanessa stood up, finally realizing her mistake. “I am sorry!”
“Oh, it's fine!” Tanya ran to the kitchen to grab some paper towels. “It’s just water.”
“I know it’s just…” Taking the paper towel, the two began wiping the floor and the table. “I have a lot on my mind.”
“I’ll bet with everything that happened,” said Tanya, giving Vanessa a supportive smile. “Your friends are getting hurt, and you can’t do anything but watch. It would piss anyone off. I know it did with me when the RedCent guys invaded EE Tower.”
“Yeah…” Vanessa sat back on the sofa. “But this… I not only possibly lost many friends, but I was betrayed by someone I loved, someone who I thought was the one for me…” she said, distraught, as tears ran down her face.
Tanya, without saying anything more, hugged Vanessa closely. Despite them knowing each other for only a few hours, Tanya knew that Vanessa was in pain. Watching her loved ones being hurt by someone that she trusted must have been a hard truth to accept.
The doors upstairs opening and closing caught the two’s attention. Looking up, they saw Somya Spears descending, looking exhausted, like she had gone ten rounds in the ring. As she reached the ground floor, Tanya ran up to her mother, hugged her close, and guided her to the nearest chair to rest.
“Is everything alright, mom?” Tanya asked, worried.
“Yeah… just felt that I might take that long overdue vacation…” Somya answered, leaning against the soft chair with a tired sigh. “Maybe we’ll go to Paris like you wanted, Tanya…”
More steps followed, and Ares, or Mars as he insisted to be called, followed Somya, pulling his folded-up sleeves back. Unlike Somya, he didn’t seem any different from when he went upstairs to help the Sandsmarks, but the few strands of hair on his face told a different story.
“How are they?” Vanessa asked, walking up to the former God of War. “Are they ok?”
Ares turned to Vanessa. “The girl has a lot of heart, far too stubborn to let a beating keep her down.” He said with praise, impressed with the former Wonder Girl’s willpower. “Her Sumerian blood will help her heal in only a few days, but it won’t help her mental wounds after I told her the news about her mother.”
Vanessa had a lot of questions about what he had said, especially the word Sumerian; perhaps Cassie was not simply half-Olympian. However, she focused on the most important detail in his explanation. “What happened with Helena?” She asked in a worried tone. “Is she-”
“She is alive,” Ares said, but his expression shifted, frowning, making her nervous. “Physically, she will recover, she has only a few cuts and bruises. Even a human like her can heal those.”
“But?”
“But it's the spell Circe struck her with. It is unlike anything I’ve seen because it is of her creation,” Ares explained, and Vanessa ground her teeth together when she heard the name belonging to the stranger who hurt her and her loved ones. “Whatever she used, it is affecting her very soul, slowly killing her.”
“Like a virus?” Vanessa asked, and Ares nodded. “Magic can do that?”
“It does,” Ares answered. “Magic can create a nuclear bomb if the user has the patience for it. And Circe is a master at it, one of the very best and most gifted witches on the planet, so making something like this would be as easy as making a cake for her.”
Magic had never been SCYTHE’s priority, but the Commander still made them study anything related to the subject in case they had to face it. Vanessa had never expected to see it at this scale.
“Can you break it?” Vanessa asked. “Find a way to break the curse from Helena’s soul?”
Ares took a deep breath, pocketing his hands. “It’s too complex to break. I will admit Magic is not my strongest suit, but even if you bring in someone knowledgeable, it would be a while for them to break her creation,” he explained. “You need someone at her level of knowledge when it comes to magic, and I am not the best person to face her in that department.”
“Then we call for a specialist, anyone, really,” Vanessa said in desperation. “If this is like a virus, a curse, then we bring a surgeon to cut it out! Maybe Cassie can use her Justice Legion connection, or maybe you can call someone for a favor.”
Vanessa's desperation was clear. She was willing to call for the Justice Legion, the very people she swore to go against for their vigilantism, if it meant saving Helena Sandsmark, her promise be damned.
“The spell is growing far too rapidly. By the time you find someone, it will be far too late,” Ares said solemnly. “The only person in the world who can break the spell without any problem or fear of failsafe is Hecate, the Goddess of Magic. She was Circe’s mentor, and she taught her everything she could about magic. No matter how complex it is, Hecate would understand it.”
“She can help us?”
Ares shook his head. “No, she has no interest in helping the world unless it is connected to her directly, and even then, dealing with her is the worst-case scenario because there is a chance she’ll side with Circe before she even thinks of helping us.”
“So what now?” Vanessa asked, sounding defeated. “Just let Helena die? Let Cassie suffer? Let Circe win?!” she shouted angrily, finally addressing Circe by name. All of this explanation from Ares told her one thing: that the Witch had them beat, and they couldn’t do anything about it.
Ares didn’t react to her outburst, while the Spears looked worried. Tanya, for her part, tried to walk up to calm Vanessa, but the War God raised his hand to stop her, shaking his head and giving her the silent sign to let Vanessa be.
“There is one way: it will be quicker if we act fast enough, but it would take everything from all of us for it to happen,” Ares said, beginning his explanation. “There is a chain link connecting the spell, from the spell caster to Circe. This means it can be broken if we force Circe to release the chain connecting her to Helena…” he explained, letting his words be understood by the occupants in the room before finishing with one last note. “Killing Circe would also break the binding if she didn’t leave any contingencies.”
Vanessa gritted her teeth. “So we have to make her break the spell, and hopefully she doesn’t screw us over… or we kill her, and hopefully she still doesn’t screw us over even in death?” she asked, and Ares nodded. “What kind of person is willing to put in all that work? Just for revenge? On Diana, who is long gone?”
Ares shrugged and turned to the Spears, his gaze focused on Tanya, his daughter. Someone whom he never thought he would meet again was facing him, without knowledge of their blood relations.
“Possibly,” Ares answered, taking a step back. “But if there is one thing I know for sure, Circe does not put these kinds of bindings without any reason. Whatever that reason is involves Cassandra Sandsmark and whether she will choose to make Circe break the spell or kill her, tainting her forever.”
Silence came to the room, letting Ares’s words sink in for all occupants, which might have been the same words he said to the Sandsmarks.
*************************************************************
The room of Somya Spears was quiet, with the only sound being the breathing of Helena Sandsmark lying on the bed sleeping. The room was spacious, with an expensive queen-sized bed as expected from an interim CEO of one the largest companies in the world.
Seated a few feet away on a chair was Cassandra Sandsmark, dressed in fresh clothes given to her by Somya after throwing off the bloody tattered ones she had arrived in. Watching her mother closely, Cassandra’s mind was racing, especially after what Ares told her about the curse Circe placed on her mother, slowly destroying her soul bit by bit until she was nothing but a husk.
“Dammit!” In anger at their situation, she crushed the armchair, tearing its arm off like it was made of paper. If she was stronger, faster, and had the heart for it, she would have stopped the Witch, stopped her from hurting her city, the people of SCYTHE, and those caught in the crossfire, stopped her from hurting her mother…
She buried her face into her hands, tears running down her eyes as she despaired. Everything she worked on after Coast City evaporated was ground up under a very powerful enemy out for revenge.
Considering Circe’s ultimatum, her city could well be gone by the time this was over.
“Artemis… please be safe…” she whispered. She had nearly had a panic attack when she heard the news of the Amazon heading to SCYTHE HQ to stop the prison break, and then… nothing. No matter how many times she dialed her phone, there was no one answering, and she feared for the worst.
She heard her mother coughing, and Cassandra was quickly by her side. “Mom!” she called for her, holding her hand.
“Cassandra?...” Her mother said her name weakly. Her skin was becoming paler, a clear sign that the curse spell was working. “Are you… ok?”
“I’m fine, Mom,” Cassandra answered, covering the bandages hidden inside her clothes. “We’re safe. You’re safe.” she said, tightening both her hands around her mothers.
“Did you… break something?” She asked, looking at the chair behind her. “You shouldn’t be… doing that… we are guests…”
Cassandra laughed, her tears falling away. “Sorry… it’s just… it’s been a hell of a week…”
Helena touched her daughter’s cheek, noticing the bandage on it. “You’re… hurt…”
“It’s alright, Mom. Just a few bruises,” Cassandra assured. “You shouldn’t worry, you know I can take it…”
“I am your… mother, Cassandra,” Helena said, facing her daughter. “Demi-God or not… I will always be worried… scared for my little girl.”
Cassandra’s tears came back. Seeing her mother remain strong despite everything made her happy, and she was terrified of losing her.
“So… my soul is cursed?” Helena asked.
“You heard all that?”
“Can’t not… with all the swearing…” Helena noted, giving her daughter a small smile. “You shouldn’t swear at people, Cassandra, especially those who are trying to help.”
“I know, I know,” Cassandra said. She had gone off on Ares after he explained what happened to her mother, and she might have overreacted when she put all her anger on the former War God. “It’s just… I don’t want to lose you… not while we can fix this.”
Helena sat up on her bed, fully facing her daughter. “Which is why… I don’t want you to make the wrong choice.”
“I won’t,” Cassandra said with a low tone. “I will make Circe free you from this curse-”
“No, Cassandra,” Helena grabbed both of Cassandra’s hands with hers. “That is not what I meant…”
Cassandra raised her brows, confused. “Mom?”
“I heard everything… from Circe’s spell… how it works… and how it can be broken…” Helena said, shocking Cassandra. “I know you already decided what you feel you have to do.”
Cassandra didn’t answer, avoiding her mother’s disapproving gaze accusing her. Ares said the quickest way to break the binding and the spell was either by forcing Circe to break it herself or by killing her, severing the connection.
But if what Circe said was true, that Diana decided to kill her instead of making her surrender like everyone else who faced her, that means there was no chance the Witch would submit willingly. She would rather die than give the satisfaction of admitting defeat.
Which left only one solution where she could save her mother.
Helena sighed, knowing what decision her daughter might have made. She held her hand tightly and changed the subject. “I have to tell you something…”
“No, mom. You’re not giving me the ‘Dying Speech’, not while there is a chance we can save you-”
“It’s about your father,” Helena cut her off, shutting Cassandra up. “Your real father…”
Cassandra remembered Circe calling her Daughter of Enlil, not Zeus. Ares said he was a friend of her father, which confused her because Ares hated Zeus, so it wouldn’t make sense that he would help out even if they were his siblings.
“Enlil…” Cassandra said the name aloud, and Helena’s eyes widened, her breath hitching when she heard the name. “Circe… she called me Daughter of Enlil… Child of the Sky...”
Helena took a deep breath, bringing her daughter closer. “Yes… that is true…” she began. “You are not Zeus’s daughter, Cassandra, nor you are an Olympian in any way… but you are in fact… Sumerian… Mesopotamian,” The elder Sandsmark brought her youngest closer and spoke carefully, as if worried that someone might hear them. “Your father is Enlil, the Sumerian God of Wind… and he was the kindest man I have ever known…”
From then on, Helena explained Cassandra’s origins as carefully as possible, pushing on even while the spell affected her. She explained how she met Enlil, a man with golden hair similar to Cassandra’s, who introduced himself as an expert in Mesopotamian history during an expedition in Iraq. They had become rivals at first due to their clashing personalities, but how that developed into respect, to eventually falling in love after a very lengthy adventure that sounded like the plot of The Mummy.
And that love resulted in Cassandra’s birth. He helped raise her with Helena for the first year and a half before he disappeared because he had Olympian enemies and had to leave them to keep them safe.
While she explained all this, Cassandra’s mind went to another piece of critical information. Her father’s true identity had never been the most important thing for her. But what made it important was what Circe told her about Diana’s true reason for coming to Gateway City. It wasn’t just settling in a ‘piss-end of a city’ the more she taught about it, the more she realized the terrifying truth behind her mentor’s reasoning for coming to the city.
Diana was sent to find Cassandra, a Sumerian Demi-God, the Olympians greatest enemy since the Titans, and eliminate her. The prophecy of the Godkiller that they had feared might have come from Cassandra, but all it did was start a long, personal, and bloody war between two women because of the gods' demands for blood.
And now, she, Artemis, and Gateway City suffered the consequences. Even after Diana’s death, Circe would not let her hatred for what had happened to her go, and if it meant destroying her mentor’s legacy, she would do it.
‘Diana…’ Cassandra thought in sadness.
*************************************************************
SCYTHE Sub Base - Industrial District:
“I am not sure how you were able to do it, but you somehow found an ever more depressing place than that HQ of yours. It makes the cell you put us in look like a five-star hotel room,” said one Pamela Isley, formerly Poison Ivy, seated in the middle of a large room behind a large table. Around her were what was left of the SCYTHE agents they had saved during the escape, all working to get the makeshift base they had hidden up and running.
Alexei Abramovici, the Bloodcrow of SCYTHE, glared at the former supervillain, not happy with her comment. He turned to one of his men and began barking orders, “You! Get the goddamn Black Room working! We are running blind here!”
‘Worker drones even without their Commander.’ Pamela looked on unimpressed at the agents. She had never been that sympathetic to the plight of cops getting killed, especially militarized ones. The once mighty and feared peacekeepers of Gateway, who went to war against all the crime syndicates and the Red Centipedes, were now a mere little squad that won’t be able to protect a mini-mart, let alone every escaped convict under the command of the White Magician.
“Man… the signal here sucks!” complained Miguel Barragan by her side, raising his phone and trying to catch any kind of signal. “Could barely talk to my boyfriend when I called him, and can’t connect to the internet,” he complained. He tried once again to call but he couldn’t find a signal. “Useless brick…”
“We are underground in a bunker previously owned by Neo-Nazis, Barragan,” Pamela noted. From what she had heard, this used to be an old RedCent hideout that SCYTHE took over after the war, using it as a smaller base in case of emergency. “Not receiving any signal is part of the appeal of the place.”
“Bunker, huh…” Miguel chuckled. The name Bunker reminded him of the super name that he picked out; the more time passed, the more convinced he was that it was the right one.
Pamela gave a confused look at his expression and shrugged it off. Turning to her right, she saw the silent Emily Sung staring off into the distance. Unlike Barragan, Emily had other matters on her mind. Whatever she sensed or saw back at SCYTHE HQ freaked her out, like seeing something she shouldn’t.
Just as Pamela was about to ask her how she was feeling, a knock on the large blast doors echoed around the base, loud enough for all to hear. Quickly, everyone felt tense, and the SCYTHE agents covered the door as Alexei signaled them to aim their weapons. After the news of the escaped convicts taking control of SCYTHE HQ and their equipment and weaponry, the agents knew that they were being haunted now by the convicts looking for revenge, so they were not taking any chances.
“Would you mind opening the door!” A familiar voice said behind the door, a voice Pamela recognized right away. “I have a bloody Amazon here, and I would like her off my fur!”
“Barbara?” Pamela realized.
“Minerva? As in the Cheetah?” Alexei asked, eyes narrowed with suspicion. “She could be working with them, with the White Magician.”
“She isn’t,” Pamela answered, glaring at the SCYTHE soldier for the accusation. “She would never ally with the psychos you had under lock and key.”
Alexei scoffed. “That woman got a cemetery filled with people who say otherwise, and she hurt the mother of someone I know.”
Before the two could argue, Miguel stood up and decided to take action. He extended his hand, forming a large arm construct from it, and grabbed the handle of the blast door. With one pull, he opened it wide. Barbara entered. Her feline form made some of the SCYTHE agents tense, and weapons were still trained on her.
“Quite the welcoming committee…” she noted in sarcasm. “Now, would you be dears and get this woman some help?” She adjusted the unconscious and bloody Artemis on her back. Her blood covered Barbara’s fur.
“Medic!” Alexei called for an agent nearby before turning to Miguel. “And you, don’t use your freaky powers until I order you to do so.”
“Sorry tin man, I don’t speak fascist,” Miguel responded with a smirk, and Alexei glared at him.
The medic quickly came to Barbara and guided her to a nearby makeshift hospital room, which had a bed and various equipment to help the SCYTHE wounded. Barbara went in haste, and gently, with the help of the medic, they placed the injured Amazon on the bed, her blood soaking the white sheets red.
“How the hell did you even find us?” Alexei asked as he and the others entered. “I made sure I covered all our steps.”
“You did,” Barbara noted, stepping back to let the medic check on Artemis. She turned to Alexei and pointed at her nose. “But one of you has a very special pheromone that I can smell for miles,” she said with a smile as she turned her gaze to Pamela. “Still with those rose scents around you.”
The redhead smiled. “Maybe it’s that mark you left on me.”
“More than you think, Pammy.”
“Christ…” the medic gasped, catching everyone’s attention. “How is she still alive? And how long has she been like this?” He asked, examining the injured Amazon.
Her armor was wholly wrecked, beyond repair. Her headpiece was half broken, and the gauntlets and braces on her arms and legs were dented and unusable. Her injuries were severe: open wounds, slash marks, and burn marks were all over her body, and judging from blows on her armor, she might have had a few broken bones as well.
“Didn’t bother to look at the time with some of the grunts that were sent after us,” Barbara answered, leaning on a nearby chair as fatigue finally set in for her. “But these Amazons are too stubborn to die, and I know that from experience…”
The number of times Barbara thought she had beaten Diana only for the Amazon to get back up and beat her back was many, and it frustrated the woman to no end, but now she couldn’t help but be in awe at the resilience of these warriors.
“Her Amazon gifts will heal her,” Barbara noted. “But I am not sure how long it will take…”
“I doubt it will take more than a few days at least…” the medic noted, bringing out some bandages and wrapping them around her arms. “She will need a miracle to even walk out of here on her own two feet.”
“Uhmm…” Everyone in the room turned to Emily Sung, who stood by the doorway. “I… I think I can help her heal faster.”
Barbara and the medic gave her an odd look. To better explain it, Emily brought her hands together, and a small flame began to form from her palm. However, they weren’t bright orange flames; they were blue flames, and they didn’t feel any heat from them.
“I developed this technique while training,” said Emily. “It's a fire spell that doesn’t burn, but it heals people. I first used it on Miguel when he hurt his hands, and it was instantaneous,” she explained, and Miguel showed his fully healed hand as if he was demonstrating it. “But this will be the first time I will heal someone with this severe of injuries…”
Pamela and Barbara looked at the blue flames with wide eyes. In Pamela’s case, she was told that Emily had powers, and from Miguel’s description, she had the power of all the elements. However, seeing it firsthand and feeling it from just that tiny flame made her sense there was power behind it, warmth, like the sun.
“Do it,” Barbara said, taking a step back. “At this point, if we need magic to get her back into the fight, we better get to it before we lose her for real.” She turned to the shocked medic. This was the first time he would ever see magic in play. “And you, guide her in whatever wounds need to be healed.”
The medic nodded. It was better than nothing. With his guidance and Miguel’s support by her side, Emily went to work to heal Wonder Woman, who was in a state of life and death if they didn’t work fast enough, all while Circe and her crew were out there terrorizing the city.
“What’s the news out there?” Alexei asked after the three left the infirmary room. “We are in the dark here, and I couldn’t radio in anyone with the pieces of junk we got. Not even my brother, who was trying to get as many agents as possible.”
“Brother?” Barbara asked before she realized who his brother was. Her expression became solemn. She remembered the Warhammer who stayed behind to slow Circe and her crew, giving Barbara a chance to escape with Artemis on her back. “The guy with the Hammer…”
Alexei furrowed his brows, noticing the change in her expression. “What happened to my brother?”
Barbara took a deep breath and began explaining everything that had happened: the White Magician’s true identity, her taking over SCYTHE HQ, her ultimatum to Wonder Girl, and finally, Anatoly Abromivici’s sacrifice to save them.
*************************************************************
Somewhere in Gateway…
With the loss of SCYTHE and their headquarters, the surviving agents didn’t have the necessary support from the intel agents in the Black Room to fight off against the newly revived Red Centipedes, now grown more powerful with the help of the escaped convicts, more than happy to exact revenge.
With the bridges closed off, SCYTHE’s weakened state, and Wonder Woman being presumed dead, the city had been thrown into chaos. Streets filled with criminals and looters taking full advantage of what had happened, stealing anything from everyone across the island.
Red Centipedes roamed the streets with military trucks, taken from SCYTHE after their HQ had fallen to the White Magician’s control, making full use of their hardware to hunt down any surviving agent, delivering the message that they were the new peacekeepers of Gateway.
“Let me go!”
A woman, a worker from Taco Whiz, was being dragged from the streets by a group of RedCent grunts. Taken into a nearby corner, the RedCent dropped the worker on the dirty ground. Their eyes had terrible intentions behind them.
“Come on, man,” one RedCent grunt said from behind to his buddy. “We are supposed to find those SCYTHE fuckers, not mess around.”
“You’re serious?” The buddy looked at his friend like he was crazy. “We’ve been locked for months in SCYTHE’s cells; we can have a few minutes of fun.”
“Please! Don’t do this!” The woman screamed, tears falling from her eyes, afraid of what they would do to her. She tried to stand up and run away but was quickly pushed back down on the pavement.
The RedCent approached the woman, who crawled away from them in fear. “Come on, girl, I just need to release all this stress after being locked up for so long!” He proclaimed, giving the woman a leery look before turning to his buddy. “Hey man, I can share! Maybe we can get someone else from the street-”
The RedCent stopped speaking, catching his breath for a moment after he saw his buddy lying on the ground face first, knocked out cold. Looking up, his eyes widened in shock when he saw the person standing before him. “You’re… you were supposed to be dead?!”
Covered in heavy bandages and wrecked NIGHT armor, and carrying a mace in his hand and a pissed-off look on his face, Commander Hector Hall stood before the RedCent grunt like a dark spectre coming back to life. Kicking the knocked-out buddy aside, the Commander looked between the grunt and the terrified woman before he hardened his glare at the RedCent.
“Stay back!” The RedCent grunt aimed his weapon, hands shaking in fear. “I said stay the fuck back-”
In a moment, Hall moved at such a speed he looked like a blur, cutting the distance between the two. With one swing of his mace, he smacked him squarely on the head, sending him to the ground.
Hall turned to the woman he saved, who looked at him in horror. “Go… get to safety…”
Without another word, the woman ran toward the exit and into the streets, away from the alley. Now alone with the two RedCents, Hall grabbed the knocked-out buddy and woke him up, making the man see the bandaged-up Hall looking down at him with hateful eyes.
“You… I want you to send your boss a message…” Hall began, making him face the Commander. “Tell the White Magician, Circe, that I am declaring war on her and on anyone who stands by her side.” He turned and walked up to the other grunt, who was crawling away from the Commander in fear, grabbing his bleeding head. He begged for his life, but Hall ignored his pleas. “And this, this is for my men that you Centipedes have killed…”
He lifted his bloody mace and brought it down like a hammer on the begging Red Centipede as his buddy looked on in horror. He lifted it up once more to reveal the man’s head was crushed like a watermelon.
Commander Hector Hall was still alive, and as long as he was still breathing, SCYTHE would remain standing to fight against all threats against Gateway City.
*************************************************************

Wonder Women Vol 3.

Previous Issue <> Next Issue

Hey all,
I really need some advice here. I worked in the states for about 7 years as an engineer in oil and gas, got laid off in 2019, decided to pursue a masters in Germany, but got waylayed on that because of COVID. Try as I might, I couldn't find a job before I moved. I moved in October 2021. So I was basically out of work for over 2 years... During that time I was studying and working on my house, but COVID made things hard obviously.
Now, here I am, 3 years later in Germany. The plan was originally to move out here, get my masters, and go on to do a PhD and eventually get an academic position. I came out for a year, and then my wife joined me here. We rent our house out back home and that has provided enough money for us to pay for our rent here, and we have been able to hold on to it so we could eventually move back. My wife works remotely part time and that gives us a bit more to travel and do.
The fact is, school here has been very hard for me. The program is extremely difficult, and most people finish it in 3 years, not in the proposed two years, but I have found it especially hard. Part of the reason I was laid off in 2019 was because I had undiagnosed ADHD and a severe internet addiction. I didn't stop having ADHD or having said internet addiction when I moved here. To make matters worse, it has taken 2 years to get meds here in Germany. I have 2 failed exams (to be fair everyone I know in the program has failed at least one), I have outstanding papers....I should still be able to finish by March of 2025 provided I get my thesis finished on time.
In the meantime, I have only worked in some small student jobs here. One of the professors took me on to help teach a course and I've done that for about a year and a half. I also have run an English language social club which I'm paid for by the University, and have done new student orientation for several semesters. Because of my student status in Germany, I can't legally work a full-time job and still be classified as a student.
Now, plans have changed. The costs on my house back home have gone up, while the rental market has taken a hit. The house isn't always making ends meet, and if we were to stay here, we would need to sell it. I'm not selling while I'm here, because we would have to pay a ridiculous amount of tax to the German government, and if we sell the house, the real estate market is such that we wouldn't be able to get back into the region we were in. It was always the plan to move back eventually, but this has forced our hand a bit.
Moreover, I have decided that a PhD isn't for me. This Masters program took too long (3 years here, 5 years if you count the time I spent in prep during COVID for it). A PhD is a ton of research and I can barely force myself to sit down and right an essay, and an academic position here is not at all guaranteed.
Now for the real problem: I want to finish my program and come back to the States, but I'm not really sure what to do. I'm kind of overwhelmed by the fact I haven't worked in 5 years, and I'm worried I won't be able to find a job. Worse yet, I really don't know what jobs I should be applying for. This master's didn't give me many new skills, and I'm feeling like I may have wasted 5 years of my life. I feel so stupid. My engineering job paid $150k+ a year, but I really wanted out. If I had found another job and worked for 5 years, I may have been able to work up the ladder, but now I'm at risk of getting an entry-level position that pays little. I want to do something with markets and something where I can be a bit social.
The other thing is, I'm 35 now, my wife is 38. We want kids. It has to happen soon, otherwise we don't get to. I'm panicking a bit inside about how we're going to make it work.
TL;DR: Got laid off and haven't worked in 5 years because of COVID/Grad School in a foreign country. Now am terrified of being rejected from finding a decent-paying job, with the prospect of kids very much in the near term.

Im not sure what advice i am looking for at this point, just want to share and hear some thoughts. Me and my boyfriend have been together for more than 3 years now and we are engaged but it has always been a bit difficult.
But just recently i started to find mysef not able to go “back” to him. I have some kind of block that I feel inside that just doesn’t let me feel okay about this relationship. I don’t want to go over the whole relationship we had a lot of fights, very big fights, we’ve been apart aswell. But recently it’s been off. I know I do a fair share of mistakes too but I don’t feel like he cares at all. He seems annoyed by me all the time. He travels for work a lot and even when we are apart it’s not good.
A few weeks ago he was away and I called him on the phone to talk. He seemed disinterested and didn’t try to keep the conversation going so I said, well hope you have a good day, enjoy and was about to just end the call to let him do his thing (i didn’t want to disturb), but he suddenly got really angry. He started kind of picking at me, that I am trying to hang up on him, that he just woke up and i am somehow trying to argue with him. I felt attacked because he was kind of raging, so I started to cry because i feel helpless. He mocked me crying, I hung up, went to the gym and switched off my phone. What happened was: he sensed that I felt like he doesn’t want to talk. And that made him upset. I also tend to ask about him more, his day and stuff and it upsets him that I don’t just talk about myself without him asking.
After this, a few days later we reunited for a short trip together. In the airport we met up, hugged kissed and we had some time to kill. I said I was really hungry and asked him if he’d like to eat. He said no. So we walked outside, there were a few shitty places but I was like hey, should we just eat here? He didn’t care so I went and ordered and brought my food to the table. At that point something changed completely. I was trying to talk to him cause i’ve missed him, but he wouldn’t almost talk. He didn’t even look at me. (Im sitting eating trying to reconnect, talk, im looking at him, and he is looking into the distance.) i asked him, whats up? And he said nothing. So for a while I was trying to just push the feeling away. But it was obvious that something was wrong. So I asked again, but i was a little upset already. He got angry, said that i am trying to have a fight, he was just tired and that i should leave him alone, he stood up and walked off. I finished my meal and i went to him again to try to resolve this. For the rest of the day it was like that. He was distant, cold, upset but wouldn’t say what’s wrong. Somehow once we reached the destination, i let it go because i decided that i don’t want to ruin this trip for myself. 5 days later it turns out that he was actually upset: he was hungry and wanted to eat, but he didn’t like what i have chosen, however he wanted to be a good boyfriend and not make me go search for another place because i said i was hungry.
There are other things like: i find myself looking at him when i talk or just sometimes when i want to connect. I look at him what i think is a look of love. Because i just like him. That makes him feel very uncomfortable, he gets annoyed or even angry so he starts to stare at me, i guess to show me how it’s uncomfortable for him.
Anyway, i am conflicted because i don’t understand his behaviour. When he tells me why he got upset, for example when i wanted to eat at the airport, it seems innocent. Even though I don’t understand it because I like to eat with him and there would never be an issue for me to find another place to eat. And the thing is, that he doesn’t want to talk about it. If I want to talk because it’s important to me he gets upset and almost blames me that i just want to argue and argue. He does come to me and says sorry, but at this point it doesn’t feel like it is enough because his temper doesn’t change. I am completely lost to what to do.
I talked to my mum about this and she said that she believes that these are all excuses. That there are bigger things going on inside him that make him behave like this.

So, first this is a throwaway, because I don’t want this on my main acc. I’ll apologise ahead of time for the long post. It’s a long story!
This all happened a Long time ago, we’re talking 15+ years but I still think about it all the time and need some advice as it’s currently affecting my ability to give 100% to my relationship.
I’ll start by saying I (40f) was s**** a**** when I was younger, and I’m only recently coming to terms with the shame that brings and the mental health issues it obviously carries. Which is likely why I’m only now beginning to dissect it all and in effect re-live some of the issues from time to time.
I met my now husband (42m) when I was 18 and he was 20. I was living with my parents at the time but had been homeless for a year prior to avoid some pretty sketchy scenes at home which I don’t want to go into but relate to my current mental health issues.
We had a close relationship with his brother “Jeff”, but his then gf “Tanya” was forever making it quite obvious she had ideas on my then bf. They’re around the same age. His younger sister “Laura” also happened to be Tanya’s best friend and actively encouraged this.
Whenever we would all get together for family bbqs, parties and other events involving drinking, Tanya would flirt outrageously with my now husband. He would entertain it and play along. Whenever I broached the subject as being inappropriate they would all just say they’re like brother and sister, and I’m sick for thinking otherwise. Given my background, I took this on the chin and tried to get over it. Every time, like a fool. Obviously this didn’t stop, and I began to feel like she would take things up a notch and do things on purpose because she knew things would wind me up and my now husband and I would then argue. Things like telling me she picked the wrong brother, sitting on his lap, answering the door in sexy nightwear when she knew we were coming over, you get the idea! (I’m quite outspoken and would call her out on it fairly often. Only to be gaslighted by my husband again and told I was inappropriate). He wasn’t blameless in this. They would have tickle fights and banter and generally laugh far more than he and I would when we were together. My husbands family would often tell me she was inappropriate but they all said there’s no way my husband would ever cheat on me. They said she was trying to wind up Jeff (his brother) who wasn’t really bothered by any of this, because he was cheating on her regularly and their relationship was really volatile. Her flirting only got worse when we all had children (I know, stupid move) and I’d continue to call him out when she was flirting because although he was no longer flirting back, he wasn’t putting a stop to it (he said he didn’t notice she was). Eventually, things became so bad when the four of us met it was causing quite volatile arguments and I put my foot down with an ultimatum. This is some 7/8 years in, and we had children together so he picked me and even stopped speaking to his brother as well. Not long after we all stopped speaking, we booked our wedding. She then booked hers, FOR FIVE DAYS BEFORE OURS. This was annoying but nevertheless, we weren’t speaking, so no big loss and we went ahead regardless.
Looking back now, I feel like I never should have stayed with him at the early stages and I should have put my foot down and left immediately, but I loved/love him. I was also only 18/19 & some part of me felt like I was competing and didn’t want to lose (stupid, I know) I also really loved when we were on our own and had no extra company around.
I’m now coming through the other side of therapy, I now know what gaslighting is and I’m really angry with him because it’s now glaringly obvious that that’s what was happening to me at the time. I’m so angry that he didn’t put her in her place and draw a line immediately when the inappropriate behaviour occurred and I raised my concerns.
Tanya and Jeff broke up a while ago, lo and behold she was cheating on him, too (with multiple men) and Jeff didn’t like a taste of his own medicine when he found out. None of my husbands family now speaks to Tanya and Jeff has remarried. It’s been probably 9 years since Tanya has been in our hometown but I still can’t shake the feeling something happened. When I broach the subject with my husband he tries to reassure me nothing happened and apologises for not stopping it earlier, but I still can’t fully believe him. It’s stupid because it’s ages ago but it still pops up in my thoughts often. I just can’t prove anything. Or can I? Do I message Tanya and ask outright? She technically has nothing to lose now, but I don’t know if I could trust her not to use it as ammunition to spark a relationship back up with my now husband.
I don’t know how to stop being so angry about everything that occurred and it’s eating me up. Has anyone been through anything like this before? How did you get through it? Did you resolve it? I honestly don’t know if I can live with this as my past in our relationship. I think im just riding it out for the kids at the moment but it’s hard to tell because my brain and emotions are in a blender.
TLDR my husband used to flirt and say it was just friendly and now I’m realising I was justified in being angry and should have left him at the time

This is my first time posting so I’m sorry if it doesn’t make much sense or I’m trauma dumping a lot also a couple trigger warnings, I’m not sure where to start off with. Me and my mom used to be pretty close I’d say up until I started high school. Middle of eighth grade I moved to a new city so I was back to trying to find some friends. I’ve been moving around since I could remember, I used to live in Germany where I moved twice, then moved to the US around the Silicon Valley, moved again, and again and again now we’re here. I wouldn’t be explaining this part of my life if I felt like it didn’t have any weight in this situation. Middle school I found a friend, me and her got pretty close, stuck through Covid together. My mom hated her and not even two years into our friendship my mom started accusing her of stealing from us, being a bad influence and overall just being trashy. Her parents were in the middle of getting a divorce and she had a lot of things going on in her life. I dyed my hair red during this time too while being friends with her, she probably was a huge influence on me but that’s also because it was covid and I was bored and who doesn’t start irrationally bleaching and coloring their hair at 14. I think my mom thought she was a bad influence on that part too because she's the one that first started off coloring her hair like purple and pink etc. My mom never of course said anything to my friend but she made sure I would hear of her disapproval concerning her bad influence in my life. I stopped being friends with her freshman year since my parents banned me from having her over or going to her house, I couldn’t drive neither could she and hanging out at each other's houses was pretty much what we did 80% of the time. I was so frustrated and felt trapped because the only friend I really cared about was someone I wasn’t allowed to associate with anymore. I told her I was done being friends with her over text and blamed it on me just being in a dark place and breaking it off. She was confused and called me a week later about something personal but I just dismissed it. Granted there were other things going on in our friendship but I felt terrible about it especially since her parents were going through that divorce and I just left during such a sensitive time. I hate to admit it but I felt so much better since I started making new friends quickly and started sitting with a new group the next day. Mostly guys and other two girls, it worked out fine for the next year. Junior year my grades started dropping so my parents got stricter, started taking my phone, looking through it, screen time etc. I felt like it was a huge invasion of privacy since my mom would look through my texts. Me and my mom also started arguing weekly about whatever it was but when I mean arguing I mean like full on yelling for two hours down in the living room with no stopping. I can’t do anything about it because whenever I say something remotely disproving her so called “facts'' since she always speaks with so much authority on subjects she wouldn’t even know about I’m the one that has to quiet down from my fathers perspective, and I know this will be mostly about my mom but me and my dad have always been close even when we’re fighting within a week we at least make it up. We play the same sports, have the same humor etc. I understand this might look like us disregarding my mom and I know she cares and loves me yet in certain circumstances she doesn’t show it so of course there’s going to be reasons as to why I’m closer with my dad than her. For example I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in 4th grade and of course I wouldn’t expect anyone to know that when you're low you need carbs or when your blood sugar is high you need insulin but my mom to this day still does not understand it. I wouldn’t care even if it’s my friend but as my mom you take so much authority over my life and who I can’t or can hangout with but you don’t know the basics of how I have to manage my life behind closed doors in the house that you and I live in every day. That might sound overdramatic but it’s just something I think about. Also growing up, I’m an only child by the way, I would always play by myself whenever we went on vacation for example to the beach etc. it was always my dad that came and played with me in the sand while at sharing his time with me and my mom so my mom wouldn’t gets upset over him leaving her to go play with me. Even now I notice how my mom would always make snarky comments regarding how my dad always treats me like a princess and cares too much over me. Anywho, since I know this is getting pretty long I’ll try to sum it up a bit more. I started liking one of the guys from that group, I would text him on a daily basis just about whatever. We were pretty awkward in person since I’ve never really talked to that many guys and I don’t think he really had much experience either so we stuck it to mostly phones, everyone else in the group also didn’t know. Once my mom went through my phone on one occasion that night, because she would collect it on some nights and read through my messages in bed she saw one message from that guy calling my mom bipolar and me responding with something like it’s fine like I still love her she freaked out. She told me to never talk to him again and that I’m a brat for talking about my family issues outside of the family etc. I honestly had nobody to talk to. The other two girls in the group didn’t really talk to me at this time, I later became really close with one of them though more on that later and I had no other friends in that town so it was really only him. He had a plethora of family issues that I couldn’t even imagine so I felt like he understood where I was coming from at times better than other kids with American parents. Not sure I mentioned but my parents were both born in Eastern Europe and grew up during heavy communism so that definitely affected them and their parenting style. Anywho, my mom sent me a paragraph to show to him, basically telling him to never talk to me again and that he has to apologize to her etc. After a couple months I think he took me out on a date. I'm not sure what to make of it since it was pretty casual. We just got ice cream. I told my parents that he was only picking me up so we could meet with the rest of the group when of course we’re not. The rest of the guys saw us downtown and found out about it. That kinda really sucked since I’m pretty sure one of them liked me so he got really mad and it kind of ruined the group dynamic. The guy I liked stopped talking to me a couple months in since I couldn’t really do much or go anywhere and dating as a result would be hard so he stopped really talking to me it was pretty off and on since I would get mad stop texting him and then he would try to get back texting at me and once I showed him I cared he’d stop. I was so mad at him and the situation that I refrained myself from talking to him, two weeks later he killed himself. I found out because one of the guys from the group faced me and told me. I went downstairs and started crying and formed the sentences explaining it the best I could, pushing a couple words out at a time. In that very moment I felt so hurt and vulnerable by what just happened my mom responded by just looking at me and saying that he had it coming for him since he probably vaped and drank. My dad ran downstairs since he probably heard me crying and the first thing he did without asking me any questions was hug me. For the first time ever he told my mom to shut up since her trying to ask me questions about how he died just made me sob harder. Over the next week my mom was pretty lenient about letting me go out. The next week she started asking what happened to him. Me and my mom were not close at all anymore at this time. You see mothers and daughters talking about guys or what dress they’re gonna wear to the prom etc in the movies. Me and my mom are not like that. On top of that I was overwhelmed with what happened and as someone does overthinking how things could have played out differently. Anyway I refused to tell her anything saying I was too uncomfortable and over the course of the next couple months of senior year she would get progressively mad and irritated at me to the point of arguing and yelling at me for not trusting her and telling her how he killed himself. I to this day told her nothing but she stopped asking. I don’t know how my dad feeds into this since he’s always so Switzerland about everything when I know I’m right in an argument between me and my mom, however when my mom has leverage he takes her side. Anyway, the beginning of senior year was rough. I hated being in that house and really started seriously considering the only options I felt like I had at the time. I started becoming closer to that one girl from the group earlier, spoiler alert my mom strongly dislikes her now too since she’s a liar and since she’s close with her mom but not her dad that means her parents are having marital issues and therefore her mom is a cheater etc. I don’t understand how she goes from one topic to another and sorts these things into her head. She’s my only friend that I’m really close with and I have been for the past these almost two so hearing this is very disheartening since I’m sending off senior year and I can’t do this again being so close to the end of the year. I forgot to mention but during homecoming I drank for the first time and I had one of my guy friends with his girlfriend and that friend that I’m not friends with drop me off. When he dropped me off he didn’t wave to my mom so she now thinks he’s a bastard in her words and disgusting and she deserves and apology for all the times he’s been over to my house etc. which I honestly think is insane because how do you always have so many issues over my friends and why are you so obsessed with 16 year olds, like you really have beef with high school kids as a 50 year old. Anyway the reason I bring that up is because I invited him over a couple weeks ago for some drills to help one of my other friends with mma since me and him used to wrestle and my mom got mad despite him not being there for me but for my other friends benefit. I’m not sure if this makes any sense. I'm trying to explain the issue best I can without saying too much. Anyway my friend, the one that I’m friends with now, the girl and that guy from the group that didn’t wave at my mom are both Latin so my mom started calling them cheaters and dirty etc when they had nothing to do with anything. This argument spiraled over me asking my mom if I can have a sleepover with those friends since we want to bring a new series on Netflix. Also during prom I asked my parents for 10 dollars since I already had twenty in my account and I wanted to buy hair stuff for prom. They gave me the 10 and I said how I was going to catch a ride with friend A so that when friend A picked me up but friend B that I did not mention in the plan picked me up my parents started calling and texting me. To give some background friend B has been close with me since freshman year, probably the only friend my mom has liked and also the only white friend I have not sure if that has anything do with it but there’s that. She’s really sweet and has been invited over multiple times to my house by my parents, they do really like her. Anywho yet since I didn’t mention that friend B was driving the car since my parents didn’t recognize the new car and knew it wasn’t friend A driving yet assumed it was indeed friend B but since I didn’t mention that they took all the money I had in my account which was only 30 dollars but it was what I needed to get my nails and hair gloss and hair spray for prom, I just started breaking down in the middle of target. I was so excited to get my stick on nails etc since I couldn’t afford to get the acrylics since I was paying for all my prom stuff for the most part. By the way I know that the 10 dollars was initially there so I understand taking away that but the other 20 I made selling my clothes on mercari and I had nothing else like no other cash nothing that was the money I worked on to get my prom stuff. It was mostly my dad actually that got mad at this point taking my money etc and than following a got a text from my mom saying I got what I was coming for by acting the way I have been. There were 3 others with me while I was at target so having three of my friends see me breakdown from me only having 14 cents left in my account was so humiliating. I ended up looking great at prom neither less so don’t even worry about that, my hair looked great and I found some old stick-ons in my laundry room and painted them white lol a couple of them popped off during prom but whatever. This has been really long and thanks to whoever spent their time reading through all of this I’m sorry if the read is a bit of a struggle but I just don’t know what to think or do of this situation. Keep in mind I’m 18 now, never have had a boyfriend, never have do anything, kissed, even held hands romantically etc. it’s one thing you know to not care about any of that but the thing is I do and I want to experience being a teenager and going out and going on dates and not worry about my mom flipping out on one of my friends. While we were in Italy one of the tour guys told her to move on the bus to make more room for others and she started cussing him out telling him to f himself etc for telling her a paying customer where to sit. Everyone started staring at us. I did not want to be there. I just kept my head down the entire time and didn’t really talk to my mom out of embarrassment for the next two days. Also after that prom incident I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere after as a result of go to friend B's birthday bash the next day so my mom texted her without my knowledge and told her not to tell me about how I’ve been acting up and one day I’ll learn when I’m her age but it will be too late and that I don’t know what I’m doing and finishing off my apologizing on my part for my behavior and I’m the reason why I can’t go to her party. Which I find so infuriating because one of the main reasons why I don’t tell my mom anything about my personal life is because I simply don’t want her to have that control of knowing what my life is like, I probably tell the teacher I TA for more than my own biological mother. The fact that she preached family issues in the family so heavily and that you should never talk about issues to others yet goes behind my back and tells my friend that my indecent behavior is the reason why I can’t go is so beyond me because where did your ideals go that you preached so heavily about. Every time I’m around my mom especially when she has her flares of anger I just start shaking like you know when you drink something with a lot of caffeine in the morning and you don’t eat anything so mid way through the day you just start getting jittery and anxious, kind of like that. Ok I think I’m done anyway thank you for tuning in cause I really have to start studying for human geo, thanks for reading up until here 🙂.

(continuation of part 1)

III. Searching for Aerith Beyond FFVII

There were absolutely no answers in Remake or OG (at this point in my research, Rebirth wasn’t released yet), no matter how much I looked; nothing at all hinted at how Cloud could’ve obtained the memories of OG that emerge in Remake as MOTFs. I knew I had to look elsewhere to search for more clues, so I decided to check every piece of media ever released by SE with a mention of Cloud or Aerith in it, digging for hints in the compilation and beyond.
And boy, did I find them.
III. a) Core Worlds and Suspension Worlds
There are a couple of general FF rules that we need to establish before going forward.
It’s important to note that there are multiple realms in which the FF stories take place, each with a different name, history and society. This ensures that all FF stories occur separately, never intercepting or interacting— though they do have creatures like moogles and chocobos in common, as well as concepts like airships, gil, magic and some form of crystal. For simplicity, I will refer to these separate worlds in which the numbered FF games (FFI, FFII, FFIII, etc) occur as “core worlds”.
Characters from different core worlds may appear together in non-numbered FF games, the events of which have no impact on the core world at all: it seems that sometime after a FF character has reached the end of their core world’s plot-line, they may somehow be summoned to far-removed realms where they will face new adventures. I call these far-removed realms “suspension worlds”. One example of a FF game that takes place in a suspension world is Dissidia Final Fantasy, wherein characters from multiple core worlds unite to accomplish a mission as a team.
III. b) Final Fantasy Tactics
First on our list of non-compilation SE games to explore is 1997’s Final Fantasy Tactics (FFT), a game whose plot takes place in the suspension world of Ivalice. Let’s plot out the relevant events, and then analyze!
III. b) i. Fact-Finding
The main character of FFT, Ramza, encounters a brunette flower peddler with Aerith’s iconic, gravity-defying bangs:
\"Aeris\" in FFT's Ivalice
If you choose to buy a flower from her, she express her relief: apparently, business isn’t going well because no one is interested in flowers. The girl wistfully dreams aloud:

“When is my knight in shining armor going to take me away from here...?”

Later, Ramza and his companions encounter a mysterious machine that can summon people from across universes. The machine is activated, and a rather rude young man with spiky blonde hair appears. Cloud claims he used to be in SOLDIER, and says the last thing he remembers is “getting stuck in the current”. He looks to be disoriented and lost, and suffers from piercing headaches. Mere moments after being summoned to Ivalice, Cloud rambles:

“What’s this? My fingers are tingling… My eyes… they’re burning… Stop… stop it [Se]phiroth…”

He dashes out of the room, but not without announcing:

“I must go… must go to that place…”

Outside, Cloud encounters the brunette flower girl Ramza met earlier. She offers Cloud a flower, but he only stares at her wordlessly:

“Flower girl: Buy a flower? Only 1 gil.
Cloud: …
Flower girl: Something wrong? Do I resemble someone?”
Cloud: No… it’s nothing.”

As soon as Cloud leaves, a gang of ruffians surround the flower girl and start harassing her, demanding payment that’s apparently overdue. One of them finally calls her by her name: “Aeris”. He grabs her, insinuating that he might sexually assault her in lieu of payment. Aeris is not strong enough to push him away. That’s when Cloud returns:

“Cloud: Get your hand off her!
Thug: What did you say!?
Cloud: Didn't you hear me? Get your dirty hand off her!
[…]
Cloud, to Aeris: Go… now.”

Aeris heeds Cloud’s advice, fleeing the scene before a fight between Cloud and the thug can break out. After Cloud scares the ruffians off with the help of Ramza and his companions, he speaks once more:

“I lost… something very important… Ever since, I’ve been lost […]. What should I do? What about this pain [?] Must go… to the Promised Land.”

III. b) ii. Fact Analysis
There’s a lot to unpack here, all of which you probably clocked in your head upon reading, but let’s put it down in writing.
While FFT Cloud’s memory is far from perfect, the Aeris he encounters in Ivalice doesn’t recognize him at all. FFVII Ultimania Omega addresses this question without answering it:

“[The flower seller’s] name is Aeris, and she has the same appearance and tone of voice as the Aeris of FFVII. However, when she comes across Cloud, she does not recognize him. Could she really be the same Aerith who appears in FFVII but with memory loss, or is she a completely different character?” (“#4 Proof of Omega”, “FFVII in Other Games”, “Final Fantasy Tactics”, page 560).

Regardless of her unknown identity and inability to recognize Cloud, FFT Aeris’ fantasy of a “knight in shining armor” is quite reminiscent of the flower girl/bodyguard dynamic we’ve come to know and love. Cloud’s armor doesn’t shine, but in my opinion, if you’re looking for the dystopian, corporatocratic equivalent of a knight, you can’t get much closer than a supposed-former-SOLDIER-turned-bodyguard. Additionally, despite his rude and cold attitude toward Ramza’s gang, the urgency with which Cloud swoops in to save the flower girl from the ruffians betrays a softer, warmer side to him: the flower girl/bodyguard dynamic strikes again!
FFT Cloud’s dialogue borrows two lines from the speech OG Cloud makes as Aerith lies dead in his arms (disk 1, chapter 28): “My fingers are tingling. My mouth is dry. My eyes are burning!” and “What are we supposed to do? What about my pain?” You might’ve noticed that this glimpse of grief Cloud experiences in FFT bears a resemblance to the fourth MOTF 4 experienced by Remake Cloud (see section “II. a)”). Could it be that FFT Cloud and Remake Cloud have something in common?
Shortly after being summoned to Ivalice, FFT Cloud declares that he must go to “that place”, a mysterious line that is later elucidated when he tells Ramza that he must go to the Promised Land and find the “very important” thing he’s lost. The Promised Land is the Cetra culture’s afterlife, meaning FFT Cloud is looking for someone who’s died, someone “very important” to him. OG suggests this is none other than Aerith:

“Cait Sith, reading Cloud’s fortune: You will find [what] you pursue. However, you will lose the most precious thing” (disk 1, chapter 16, English translation by Kotaku’s “Let’s Mosey: A Slow Translation of Final Fantasy Seven: Part Eight” by Tim Rogers, 9:42-9:52).

&

“Cloud, after seeing Aerith’s hand reach for him through the Lifestream: … I think I'm beginning to understand.
Tifa: What?
Cloud: An answer from the Planet… the Promised Land... I think I can meet her... there” (disk 3, chapter 3).

Finally, let’s try to understand where on the OG timeline Cloud was summoned to this suspension world from and what he remembers. His comment about getting stuck in a current has to be about the Lifestream; apparently, on top of its atemporal nature, it can act as a conduit to other worlds. One only enters the Lifestream if they’ve somehow fallen into the core of the planet or once they’ve passed away and returned to the planet. Both scenarios merit consideration.
On the one hand, it’s possible that Cloud was summoned to Ivalice after he and Tifa fall into the core of the planet: this point in the FFVII OG timeline occurs after Aerith’s death and shortly before Cloud finds out he was never SOLDIER, which matches the gaps in FFT Cloud’s memory quite well. However, this scenario does not account for the vagueness with which FFT Cloud remembers Aerith and her death. Most importantly, Cloud’s realization that he can find Aerith in the Promised Land occurs much later in the game (FFVII OG, disk 3, chapter 3) than when he falls into the Lifestream with Tifa (FFVII OG, disk 2, chapter 8).
On the other hand, FFT Cloud’s vague yet persistent memories of Aerith suggest that he’s been summoned to Ivalice after his eventual death post-OG, but also that he’s lost quite a large portion of his memories. His incomplete memory loss is likely the result of Cloud’s individuality’s erosion by the Lifestream after death, which we discussed in section “II. a) ii.”. We can therefore surmise that by the time he is summoned to Ivalice from the Lifestream, Cloud has been dead for long enough that the Lifestream eroded a large portion of the memories of his lifetime. This post-death scenario is likelier than the first. The memory of Cloud’s realization that he was never SOLDIER must be gone, which explains why he claims otherwise upon being summoned to Ivalice. Contrastingly, vestiges of Cloud’s OG memories of Aerith cling to his soul, even after others have been wiped clean. Could this be a consequence of their soulmate bond? Could the strength of Cloud’s love and grief for Aerith have made his memories of her stronger and more difficult for the Lifestream to erode? Could it be both?
One thing is clear: Aerith is of fundamental importance to Cloud, even when he can’t quite remember her. In fact, the only other character he remembers and/or mentions in FFT is Sephiroth. It does make sense that the memories of those who have marked one’s soul forevermore would be the most difficult for the Lifestream to erode.
III. c) Dissidia Final Fantasy
The next stop on our travels through suspension worlds is 2008’s Dissidia Final Fantasy! Now strap in, because here’s where things get really serious.
III. c) i. Fact Finding
In the suspension world of Dissidia Final Fantasy (DFF), the goddess of harmony Cosmos and the god of discord Chaos are engaged in a never-ending cycle of conflict. Both deities need warriors to fight on their behalf, so they recruit core world characters into their respective teams by summoning them to DFF. Some of these summoned characters are FFIV’s Cecil, FFVI’s Terra, FFVII’s Sephiroth, FFX’s Tidus, and of course, FFVII’s Cloud. The warriors find themselves in the suspension world of DFF with no memories of their core worlds’ plotlines. However, as the DFF adventure progresses, they are able to recover pieces of their memories here and there. It isn’t clear how much they come to remember. Ultimately, the warriors hope to return home to their core worlds by fighting in this war and seeing to its end.
Cloud is summoned to DFF as a warrior on the side of Chaos, who seeks to destroy all existence. Sephiroth is also on Chaos’ side, meaning the two are teammates despite being enemies in their core world of FFVII. It just so happens that Tifa is a summoned warrior in DFF too, though she’s fighting on Cosmos’ side. Intrigued by her vague familiarity, Sephiroth hypothesizes that killing Tifa will bring back his memories of OG’s plot line: before long, the masamune wielder finds Tifa alone and corners her into a one-on-one fight. Thankfully, Cloud swoops in and saves her before Sephiroth can do any harm. Tifa is thankful for Cloud’s help, though confused that Cloud would elect to assist her and turn against a fellow warrior of Chaos; she doesn’t remember what Sephiroth and Cloud mean to each other in OG. In fact, Tifa doesn’t even remember Cloud’s name or that they share a core world, though Cloud feels somewhat familiar to her. For his part, Cloud at least remembers that Tifa is someone he cares about from his core world. As Tifa thanks Cloud for saving her from Sephiroth, something she says elicits an odd reaction from the warrior of Chaos:

“Tifa: The way you showed up and fought that guy off. It was a pretty cool thing to watch. You were like a hero, charging in to save the girl.
Cloud gasps at her words. She doesn’t notice” (Dissidia 012: Treachery of the Gods, report 5: “Unexpected Fulfillment 2”).

On another note, Cloud knows he will have to fight Tifa once the Cosmos-Chaos conflict comes to a head, as they are on opposing teams. He thinks to himself:

“Once [her] memories return, [she]’ll lose the will to fight just like I have. So... Before that can happen, I have to act...” (Dissidia 012: Treachery of the Gods, report 5: “Unexpected Fulfillment 2”).

In order to end the cycle of the conflict and to avoid fighting Tifa, Cloud decides to try and defeat Chaos himself. Predictably, Cloud is no match for the deity. As he dies, Cloud pleads the following to the goddess Cosmos:

“Cosmos, goddess of harmony. If you can hear me, listen to my plea. I beg you. Save her. Save my friend… Tifa.”

Cosmos hears him and responds immediately:

“Cosmos: An end to this conflict, and a life spared? This is your heart's desire? If your will remains unchanged, I shall bring you here when the battle draws to a close. Cloud. My chosen" (Dissidia 0.13: Treachery of the Gods, report 7: “Unexpected Fulfillment 3”).

Cloud’s wish is granted by Cosmos: the first phase of the conflict ends without Tifa getting hurt, and she is sent away from the suspension world of DFF before the second phase begins. Cloud is saved from death, and Cosmos enlists him into her team of warriors for phase two: this time, Cloud is fighting on the good side.
Now we enter phase two of the war. Cosmos tells her team of ten core world warriors that in order to save the world from Chaos’ destruction, they must collect what she describes as crystals containing the power to persist through darkness. I call these the “DFF crystals”. There are ten DFF crystals in total: one for every warrior in Cosmos’ group to find. To obtain their crystal, each hero must overcome a trial that will confront them with whatever personal struggle they faced in their core world; if they prove themselves worthy, their DFF crystal will appear to them. On one hand, some warriors’ DFF crystals simply take the form of the crystals found in their core world. For example, Onion Knight’s DFF crystal looks to be nothing more than one of FFIII’s elemental crystals, which hold little to no personal significance to him. On the other hand, some warriors’ DFF crystals symbolize something more personal to their respective warriors. For instance, Cecil’s DFF crystal looks to be one of FFIV’s dark crystals, which specifically represent the dichotomy of light and darkness he struggles with in his core world’s plot line. Cosmos describes the quest for the DFF crystals as follows:

“Cosmos: The crystals embody the strength to face despair. With ten gathered, there is hope yet to save the world. The path to your crystal will be perilous... and different for each and every one of you. But you must believe in and follow your own path. Even if you know not where that path leads" (Dissidia 013: Light to All, prologue: “A Final Hope”).

From this exposition, simply keep in mind that: Cloud must find his crystal by overcoming a personal trial, and his crystal may have the appearance of an object in OG that’s important to him.
Once the team is debriefed on their mission, Cloud remains reticent to fight; he doesn’t much like the mysterious nature of this conflict. Not knowing exactly what they’re all fighting for is clearly bothersome to the swordsman, and the idea of thoughtlessly engaging in battles leaves a bad taste in his mouth. Fellow warrior Firion understands that without a reason to fight, Cloud’s heart just isn’t in it. He imparts upon Cloud that he must have a dream he’s fighting to protect, something he wants to see come true, to motivate him to stop Chaos from destroying all existence. Unfortunately, Cloud doesn’t have a dream to preserve, or can’t find one for himself:

“Cloud: I've looked, but I'm still empty-handed. And without a dream, what do you suppose I should do? […] Maybe what I'm looking for... isn't here” (Dissidia 0.13: Light to All, chapter 1: “Beyond Doubt”, “Gateway of Good and Evil”).

Another fellow warrior, Cecil, expresses worry for Cloud, whose response evokes the main theme of FFVII OG:

“Cecil: Everyone's worried, Cloud. But... Do you shoulder a larger concern?
Cloud: Concern... Maybe a sense of loss" (Dissidia 0.13: Light to All, chapter 1: “Beyond Doubt”, “Beyond the Continent”).

Whatever Cloud is looking for “isn’t [there]”, and he feels “a sense of loss”: Cloud’s motivating dream has been lost to him. This is later reasserted in a conversation with Terra, another warrior of Cosmos:

“Terra: And you, Cloud... What's your dream?
Cloud: I've lost mine" (Dissidia 0.13: Light to All, chapter 3: “The Chosen Battle”, “Gateway of True Intent”).

Later, Cloud encounters and fights Sephiroth, who is still a part of Chaos’ team. Sephiroth is defeated, but not before he’s taunted Cloud with his habitual puppet talk. However, Cloud remains strong and refutes Sephiroth’s manipulation, asserting that only he can determine his own path. This must’ve been Cloud’s personal trial, because his crystal appears at that very moment: it is a small, light green orb that looks like materia from his core world. Having pocketed his crystal, Cloud decides he must find his own reason to fight. Interestingly, his search is depicted as intertwined with Fate:

“Cloud: Even if I have my doubts... I have to find my own answer […] Until then, I'll keep fighting.
Narration: The warrior has vowed to keep fighting— and keep fighting he will […]. Etched in destiny, his quest for answers continues on” (Dissidia 0.13: Light to All, chapter 1: “Beyond Doubt”, “Gulg Gateway”).

Later, the nemeses meet again in a segment called “Recurring Tragedy”. Their interactions here are particularly interesting. Sephiroth speaks of making Cloud suffer through despair and pain as though referencing their history together:

"Sephiroth: This disease called hope is eating you alive. The world of suffering was born out of such half-baked ideals.
Cloud: If that's the case, I have to endure the suffering. There's no moving on if I run from it.
Sephiroth: If that is what you wish for, you shall drown in the pain. I'll lead you to true despair. [My] shadow is burned into your heart. We'll meet again, Cloud. I'll keep coming back— as long as you are who you are."
Sephiroth disappears. Cloud looks out into the distance before the scene ends.
“Cloud: No thanks. The one I really want to meet is…” (Dissidia 013: Light to All, epilogue: “Conclusion of a Cycle”, “Recurring Tragedy”).

This final line suggests Cloud has finally found a reason to fight: he wants to meet someone unspecified.
Finally, after the war has ended, we arrive at the final cutscene of DFF. I will let you read the full script, with notes added by me in bold behind the spoiler censors. Please do not read my notes if you do not wish to encounter spoilers for FFI, FFII, FFIII, FFIV, FFV, FFVI, FFVIII, FFIX or FFX:

“[The] heroes are all standing together in a grassy field with a forest behind them. Birds are chirping, the sun is shining brightly, and the wind is blowing gently. The heroes look around them in awe. They're all holding their crystals.
WoL: The battle has come to an end...
Tidus notices that his crystal has begun to emanate a blue glow.>! His crystal is a movie sphere from his core world of FFX: a capsule containing sounds and images that people record for later viewing. Tidus’ crystal likely represents the specific movie sphere recorded by his love interest Yuna, which revealed that she’d loved him from the beginning.!<
Tidus: Gotta go, huh...
The blue glow transfers to him as well. He turns to look at the others
[…] Tidus grins at the others, then turns and runs toward a nearby lake. He leaps into it in a manner reminiscent of [the events] of FFX. He vanishes as he descends toward the lake.
Zidane: We're not vanishing. We're returning—
Zidane is sitting on a tree limb as he says this. His crystal begins to glow gold, as does he. His crystal is shaped like a highly important ‘progenitor of all life’ crystal from his core world of FFIX.
Zidane: — to where we're supposed to be.
Zidane spins around the tree limb with the use of his tail and launches toward the sun. He's lost to view.
A white feather then drifts down from that direction and Squall catches it. The feather is reminiscent of his love Rinoa Heartilly, whose character symbol is a white feather. In fact, Squall’s crystal looks like a mix of his revolver gunblade from FFVIII and Rinoa’s feather motif. [Squall glows blue.]
Squall: Perhaps we can go on a mission together again.
Squall vanishes.
Cloud is then visible, standing in [a] flower field. The flowers are white and yellow. Cloud has his crystal, a light green materia from his core world of FFVII, in hand.
Cloud: [(Chuckles shortly, like a scoff)] Not interested.
Cloud walks off into the flower field, gaining a green glow. He vanishes.
A snowflake then falls into Terra's right hand as her crystal begins to glow pink. The flames drawn on her crystal represent her power, which is connected to the element of fire: her character arc in FFVI.
Terra: I think I've learned how to keep going. Thank you— and take care.
Terra glows pink and then vanishes. Bartz throws a stick. He's glowing pink as well.
Bartz: When you're having the most fun, that's when time always flies. His crystal is the Adamantite from his core world of FFV.
Bartz vanishes.
Cecil: It's mine to pass on—
A moon appears behind Cecil and goes through its phases as he begins to glow blue. His crystal has shadowed and illuminated parts, representing the duality of his character, which is central to his personal arc in his core world of FFIV. It also represents his brother Golbez, who has chosen the darkness. Cecil considers his familial bond with Golbez his guiding light and hopes to be with him someday.
Cecil: — this strength I've gained from everyone.
Cecil vanishes.
Onion Knight hugs his crystal and looks up toward the sky. His crystal is shaped like those found in his core world of FFIII**.**
Onion Knight: Everyone... thank you!
OK briefly glows blue and then vanishes.
There are wild roses at Firion's feet. He and WoL are looking toward the sky. WoL suddenly begins walking away while Firion looks down and sees the roses.
Firion: This isn't the end. Another dream is waiting to begin.
His crystal is the color of the wild roses that were at the center of his dream and of his motivation to fight Chaos. The roses are also the emblem of the Rebel Army he was a part of in his core world of FFII. His crystal is shaped like Pandaemonium, the final dungeon of his core world story. Firion gains a violet glow and then vanishes.
WoL is walking through the field and then comes to a stop. He's looking at something.
WoL: May the light forever shine upon us.”

As you can see, everyone’s crystal is very important to the story of their core world, and in the cases of at least Tidus, Squall, Terra and Cecil, the crystals represent something very personal. What about Cloud and his crystal, then? What about the dream he lost and the person he wants to meet? Let’s begin analyzing to answer these questions.
III. c) ii. Fact Analysis
Firstly, it’s clear to me that the Cloud that appears in DFF is a post-OG Cloud, given how many plot points from OG he interacts with. I’m reticent to say whether or not this post-OG Cloud is dead like in FFT, as he recovers many of his memories of OG during DFF and there is no evidence of him having passed away and joined the Lifestream.
The second thing I’d like to point out is Cloud’s strange reaction when Tifa compares him to a hero who swoops in and saves the girl from the bad guy. Cloud gasps, indicating that her words mean something to him; the trope Tifa references must therefore be included somewhere in the FFVII OG plot-line. Some of you are surely ahead of me by now, having realized that only the tragic antithesis of this trope appears in OG: Cloud is unable to save Aerith from Sephiroth (disk 1, chapter 28). Whether or not DFF Cloud remembers Aerith herself at this point, it’s clear he recalls the pain and guilt of losing Aerith to Sephiroth.
Next, let’s address Cloud’s lost dream: to meet an unspecified person. It seems Cloud is aware at this point that in OG, he was eternally separated from the person he dreams of meeting. So, who was he separated from in his core world? Who can he never meet again, even if his team of warriors defeats Chaos and Cloud returns to the realm of FFVII? There are a few options —his mother, his father, Zack, Jessie, Biggs, Wedge, and any other person he knew who died—, but the sheer narrative weight that Aerith’s untimely death carries makes it clear who he truly wants to meet. This is corroborated by Cloud’s “I think I can meet her… there” line in OG (disk 3 chapter 3), by FFT Cloud’s search for Aerith during his appearance in Ivalice, and by Cloud’s strange reaction to Tifa’s comparing him to a hero who swoops in and saves the girl from the bad guy. All the available evidence suggests that Cloud’s dream is indeed to reunite with Aerith, and that this dream is “lost” to him because she was killed by Sephiroth (disk 1, chapter 28). This would also explain the title of the DFF segment “Recurring Tragedy”, since as we all know, the ultimate tragedy of FFVII OG is Aerith’s death. Considering Sephiroth was the one to take Aerith away from Cloud, Sephiroth’s threats of drowning him in despair in “Recurring Tragedy” only solidify this interpretation of Cloud’s lost dream.
Finally, we arrive at the ending cutscene. Cosmos’ warriors return to where they belong to try and accomplish whatever dream they held as motivation during the Cosmos-Chaos conflict, each carrying their DFF crystal. Cloud is shown standing in a field of white and yellow flowers and walking deeper into it with a light green materia in hand. Why was a white and yellow flower field chosen to represent DFF Cloud’s dream? The answer is obvious. White and yellow flowers symbolize Aerith: she sold Cloud a yellow blossom upon first meeting him in OG (disk 1, chapter 1), and her yellow and white flowerbed cushioned Cloud’s fall when the two reunited in the Sector 5 church (disk 1, chapter 4). What’s more, we have the iconic credits video of the original cut of Advent Children to refer to, wherein Cloud is seen driving near flower fields. Aerith stands there (3:20), seemingly waiting for him. Here’s what Nomura had to say about this credits scene:

"[...] we filmed the video for the ending credits in Hawaii. There are fields of flowers on both sides of the road, and the colors —yellow and white— are the same as the flowers in Aerith's church […]. With Aerith, 'flowers' have been her image throughout the series” (FFVII Reunion Files, “Countdown to Reunion”, “Stories from CG Production”, page 87).

Even in the Advent Children Complete cut of the film, where Aerith is not shown standing in the field, the flowers and their symbolism of Aerith remain. That being so, it’s more than fair to say that the white and yellow flowers in DFF’s ending cutscene serve as yet another confirmation that Cloud’s dream is to be with Aerith.
With all of this established, we can address the nature of Cloud’s DFF crystal. As we established, every core world has its own version of a crystal, each possessing a distinct appearance, function and meaning. Materia are the crystals of FFVII, so one could be satisfied by the proposition that Cloud’s DFF crystal is simply meant to represent a random materia. However, I think Cloud’s crystal is specifically the White Materia, as it represents Aerith’s sacrifice, her importance to the plot and what she died fighting for. If any one object symbolizes her death, it’s the White Materia; it’s even given closeups during the event (2:33-3:02). Besides, unlike any other materia in FFVII, the White Materia is known to glow a light green when Holy has been activated:

“Bugenhagen: If [the prayer] reaches the planet, the White Materia will begin to glow a pale green” (FFVII OG, disk 2, chapter 15).

Here are pictures of the White Materia in OG and Advent Children, and two pictures of Cloud's DFF crystal (in order) so you can compare for yourself:
https://preview.redd.it/0qtumfeyfq0d1.jpg?width=386&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3995f010738c83fca0c5842a0564d0a9ad206dfd
https://preview.redd.it/0kj525tzfq0d1.jpg?width=1144&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=575573ef1d2c937635cf569d4a376886a24b384c
Cloud's DFF Crystal
Cloud’s DFF crystal
So far, in both suspension world games we’ve examined (FFT and DFF), Cloud is searching for Aerith. As a final note on DFF, it may interest you to know that codirector of the Remake trilogy Toriyama was actually a writer for DFF: he may have carried some themes from DFF to Remake…
III. d) Detour: The Final Fantasy 30th Anniversary Farewell Exposition
Before we hop onto the next suspension world, let’s return to ours for a quick detour: the 2018 Final Fantasy 30th Anniversary Expo. Themed with farewells and tragedy, this expo showcased the heartbreaking goodbyes featured in different FF games. Artwork, clips, quotes and images aplenty here! As the highly anticipated Remake was going to be coming out approximately a year and a half later, the FFVII section of the expo featured a few sneak peek Remake designs. This means the expo was at least partly curated with the Remake trilogy in mind; there could be interesting material in the FFVII section of the expo related to Remake. Let’s dive in!
Unsurprisingly, the focus of the FFVII section is Cloud and Aerith, since she is the loved one he lost in OG. Zack is also given a mention, however Aerith was the glaringly central star of the show. To showcase how important Aerith’s farewell in particular was to the expo, the FFVII portion was introduced by a photo of Cloud lowering Aerith into her watery grave and a video of her tragic death:
Final Fantasy 30th Anniversary Farewell Exposition, FFVII Introduction
The description under the video screen reads:

“She was gone in the blink of an eye. But the pain never went away.
Aerith awoke the ultimate magic to protect the planet and the people she loved. Yet her life came to a sudden end at the hands of Sephiroth, a man bent on seeing the world destroyed. Even the usually stoic Cloud couldn’t hide his grief at the unexpected death of an irreplaceable companion. ‘My fingers are tingling. My mouth is dry. My eyes are burning.’ True words, revealing Cloud’s deep sorrow” (Final Fantasy 30th Anniversary Exposition).

Conveniently enough for us, the expo’s tagline is “Who is the person you want to meet again?” Given that Aerith holds the spotlight in the FFVII section of the expo, it’s clear who SE is telling us Cloud wants to reunite with. Recall Cloud’s unfinished line in DFF: “The one I really want to meet is..." (Dissidia 013: Light to All, epilogue: “Conclusion of a Cycle”, “Recurring Tragedy”). We theorized that he must be referring to Aerith, and now, we are certain.
The expo also had pamphlet descriptions of the farewells depicted. Here is the general summary of FFVII‘s farewell story according to that pamphlet:

“The story follows the lead character Cloud, but it is the heroine, Aerith, who opens Cloud’s eyes and helps bring him closer to understanding the mystery that is his past. Through her, we draw closer to the truth of the story.
This scene, in which the heroine Aerith is lost, is easily the most shocking and tragic in the story. No one expected to say goodbye to such a major character in the middle of the story. Rumors of a secret way to revive Aerith spread, and it was clear players were having a hard time saying goodbye to her too. Even now, twenty years later, it still feels like a shocking turn of events” (Final Fantasy 30th Anniversary Exposition Pamphlet, page 36).

It’s interesting that SE would mention the rumors of Aerith’s revival circulated by players back in 1997, especially as fans were awaiting Remake’s release…
In light of everything we’ve analyzed so far, it can be said that between FFT (1997) and this farewell expo (2018), SE has consistently demonstrated that reuniting with Aerith is post-OG Cloud’s goal. That’s a period of over two decades— two decades of wishing, seeking, longing in real-world time for this character. This is a huge long-term commitment for SE to make, and you can bet the devs don’t take it lightly. Again and again, once the events of the OG game have ended, Cloud is shown to desire a reunion with Aerith. This ever-present and ever-insistent theme will become very important to us later in this analysis.
(continued in part 3)

Hi, sorry if this seems so jumbled. I just want to start of by saying I am NOT diagnosed. In the future I plan on seeking out an evaluation.
But anyways, one of the reasons I believe I may be autistic is due to the fact that I don't understand a lot of things socially. I'm quiet and polite, I'm kind. Most of the time I'm genuinely just chilling. I am kind to people because I know the world and people are cruel. I don't believe I'm like "creepily" overly kind where people feel as if I'm invasive. I have never understood why people talk badly about others behind their back and I don't participate. I find no reason to because why should I? It's their life, let them live it.
I also want to say I'm a young woman in her 20s and unfortunately women can be mean and sneaky and unfortunately it seems hard to find friends who are genuine.I'm not saying that to be offensive at all or to sound like the "I'm not like other girls". I genuinely just don't understand why. In high school it was of course especially bad. I'd have girl friends that would be genuinely nice for years. And suddenly it's like a weird mask comes off and they get jealous and angry. I wouldn't even call myself conveniently attractive so I don't believe to be a threat in terms of looks. I'd always respect boundaries regarding their boyfriends, never texted them and only hung out with them when my friend was around. I'd never even sit close to them. But it seems like a weird possessiveness would take over.
I had a best friend of over 5 years. We were inseparable. We laughed and cried together. But when I finally got a boyfriend (fiancé now) that treated me kindly (both of us unfortunately have a history of unstable and abusive relationships), it's like that mask came off and jealousy came roaring in. She suddenly stopped talking to me as much. After I moved in with him I'd offer her to come over (My fiancé would as well) I'd still try to face time her regularly, I'd text her and ask how she was doing. She would constantly make excuses as to why she wasn't talking as much and coming over. Unfortunately we had a very bad falling out which included her accusing me of abandoning her despite me reassuring her and making my best efforts to remain in contact. I felt awful because I never meant for her to feel that way. My fiancé would constantly reassure me it was jealousy and that it was her own problem and that I did the best I could. When I tried to speak to her calmly about it, it seemed she would attack my character and kept reiterating that I had abandoned her. After I moved she also began hanging around this guy, let's call him J. Who disliked me for no reason. I was friends with his fiancé and I used to think he was my friend too until my former best friend informed me he would talk badly about me when I was not there. That hurt me of course because I genuinely enjoyed his company and he was friendly to me. After I moved away she began hanging out with him more and she said later on how he was the only one there for her when she would question why I abandoned her.
That was a couple years ago now and as silly as it sounds in still greiveing it and trying to understand, not just the one incident but the similar ones I had growing up. I have trouble understanding how jealousy works, because I always celebrate my friends and family's achievements. What did I do wrong? I'm really sorry if this seems weird or not for this sub. I just thought that others here would understand the frustration of not fully understanding social norms.
So, TLDR: Please try to explain to autistic (possibly) woman why NT women are jealous all the time. Thank you.

two months ago during a pmdd episode, i got far too overwhelmed and im really embarrassed to say but i hit myself on the head, hard, over and over. it wasn’t because i wanted to, logically atleast, i just lost control and took it out on myself. i ended up giving myself such bad anxiety i went to the er to make sure i didn’t have a concussion and they just laughed at me. safe to say no concussion just some good ol bruises on the coco and a whole lot of embarrassment for my lack of ability to self regulate. anyways fast forward to now, two months later and day 16 of my cycle and i’ve had a long day of trying to be normal. i promised myself i would be productive and spend the night cleaning in order to avoid completely rotting so i was cleaning and i went to take the leftovers out of the fridge and i bonked my head. and my whole day of doing well regulating my emotions went right out the window. the bonk on the head triggered age old rage and i kicked the fridge until i realized what was happening, and that i was hurting myself. then i tried to go calm down and realized i really hurt myself. now i can’t even walk on my foot. had to go to urgent care for an xray and it’s not broken, it’s not fractured, just bruised the bones. i didn’t tell them what i did this time to avoid the embarrassment but there’s no avoiding this. i can’t walk. so anywaysssss. both times i’ve impulsively inflicted harm upon myself i haven’t even realized what was happening until about 30 seconds in. i stop when i realize what’s happening but it’s not enough. i’ve made a lot of process with controlling my temper but i failed tonight. and now i have to lie to everyone on why i can’t walk... any coping skills you guys have to share regarding similar experiences would be greatly appreciated.. 🫶🏻 i’m not proud but i sure do wanna learn how to do better. always.

I’ve been with my husband for 2 years now, married 6 months. I caught him out in a lie last weekend and it’s unravelled so many things. So many times that I thought that what he was saying was strange, or seemed far-fetched all make sense now. The lies aren’t even big or to hide something that would hurt someone’s feelings, it’s just small stuff but the lie is what makes it huge for me.

It’s clear now that he’s a compulsive liar and I don’t know if I want to go forward with the marriage, or if there’s even any point. Can a compulsive liar ever really change?

I’ll give a couple of examples to provide a bit of context:

EXAMPLE 1
May 2022 - When we met he in May 2022, he told me he had tried to kill himself, that it was a split second decision and to never tell his parents because it would crush them. I dutifully kept his secret.
11 May 2024 - I found out that there was someone else in the car from an offhand comment made by one of his parents. When I asked him laterwhy he had lied about it, he said that he didn’t remember the crash, has no memories before or for a while after. I asked why he would try to kill himself with someone else in the car. He maintained that “it was a bit about killing myself”, before restating that he had no memory and “I don’t know what to tell you”. Very defensive, yelling and crying.
14 May 2024 - I asked him again, saying that either he has lied to me since we met, or he tried to take someone else out with him. He said he didn’t remember but that he thought it was suicide because he was so deeply unhappy at that time in his life. I said “so you tried to take your girlfriend out with you? Because that’s murder”. He then said he didnt know the real reason. I then asked why he would definitively tell me it was a suicide attempt if he didn’t know the real reason. He couldn’t tell me. I then asked why he seemed to remember specifics when I asked him at the start of the relationship (“I was driving home from dads after dinner, it was a split second decision”) but now couldn’t even tell me if it was an accident or suicide. Admitted that it was silly to claim suicide attempt, but still didnt admit to lying.

EXAMPLE 2
December 2023, - I received a black sapphire bracelet from my mum for Christmas. Boxing Day, he told me that “oh black sapphire! it’s just like the ring mum got you”. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said he didn't know. I said “no, your mum got me emerald earrings”. He said “ah yes that’s what I must have been thinking about”. I knew something was up but I left it at that because we were at family's house.
Later I asked him directly if his mum had given a black sapphire ring to his ex. He said no, he was just confused about the earrings. I said I wouldn’t care, but that I don't want to be lied to. He said no, he was just confused.
Two weeks later his mum was on the phone on speaker (she didn't realise she was on speaker) and she said “I’ve asked for that sapphire ring back from [ex] and given it to [sisterin law]”. I told him “I fucking knew it, why did you lie to me?” He said he didn't remember and that he genuinely got confused, and that he was “an idiot” for not remembering. I told him I’d be far more upset about being lied to than I would about a gift your mum gave to someone before we met. He said “I know, and that’s why I’m not lying to you!”
14 May 2024, I brought this issue up again in the context of the other lies. The conversation went like this:
Me: Why did you lie to me about that, even when your mum mentioned it?
Him: I already told you, I got confused, I totally forgot
Me: How did you forget when I asked you directly, with specifics? I asked you “Did your mum give a black sapphire ring to [ex’s name]” and you told me no.
Him: I got my wires crossed, I was talking about the earrings
Me: but you specifically mentioned a black sapphire ring, which was exactly what it was.
Him: I don’t remember who she gave it to.
Me: So you do remember there was a ring… then why didn’t it jog your memory when I asked you directly?
Him: I already apologised for this, we’ve been through this
Me: What? No, after your mum got off the phone, you told me again that you’d forgot about it and you couldn’t remember anything about it.
Him: Yeah, after the phone call with mum - we had a conversation the next day which I vividly remember where I told you I lied so as not to hurt your feelings.
I have no recollection of this conversation, but it would directly contradict claims he made seconds prior about ‘getting his wires crossed’, thinking it was about my earrings, and having no memory of it. When I asked why he had contradicted himself, he said he didn’t understand.

There are actually many more examples like this, and I can provide them if more info is needed. But over and over again, I’ve told him that I can handle the truth, but begged him not to lie to me. I caught him out in a lie in the first couple of months of us dating. When he said it was to protect my feelings, I told him that I would rather the truth than a lie from him. He promised never to lie to me again.

Over the last couple of years, he has sent me texts like:
“I felt absolutely stupid and embarrassed when I lied to you ages ago. And I told you it will not happen again. And it hasn’t.”
“I don’t lie to you”
“I’m so glad I have you. I can be my true self with you. I love the complete openness and honesty in our relationship. All we want is the best for one another”
”I asked myself something last night about us. Just in quiet reflection. Would I tell you everything and anything even if it would upset you? Like would I even make up little white lies to avoid anything crappy and I was like nah. I am cellophane with you. But frosted glass with everyone else”
“I love you so much. I promise to tell you everything and always devote myself to you”
He has repeatedly told me that he would never lie to me as “you know everything anyway, do you think I could lie to you?”

When faced with all of the above, he admits that he's got a problem with lying and says he’s turned a new leaf, that he knows what he needs to do, and that from now on it will be complete honesty. But in light of everything, how do I know that this is the truth, and not another lie?? All of my trust in him has gone, along with any respect I had for him. Everything he's saying to me just feels like lip service.
tl;dr - husband is a compulsive liar. Can I believe him when he says he will change?
EDIT because someone's already called me exhausting.
I’m only asking so many questions about these issues in the last couple of days because suddenly everything is making sense. A number of events that I went “huh, that’s weird” over the last two years but took him at face value and brushed off are all coming back into focus. I’m trying to get him to admit to lying for things that I know for a fact he has lied about. I’m trying to get him to understand that he can’t just give me something that doesn’t make sense and expect me to believe it.
HE is the one who asks me daily to talk about the issues we're facing, to tell how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking etc. He brings it up, so I explain to him what doesn't make sense to me or what I'm trying to process.
I ask him questions so that I can understand what his story is, and how that interacts with the facts that I know. When he’s defensive and contradicting himself instead of being honest and saying “yeah I made that up”. The fact that I’ve told him that I just want the truth and he still can’t admit to it indicates that there’s a problem - I even held a “safe space lie amnesty” a couple of days ago where I said I just wanted to know what he’s lied about so we can move forward. A lie you’ve gotten yourself tangled in is one thing. Repeated and continuous lying even in the face of contradictory facts is concerning. Despite my repeatedly telling him I can handle the truth, he maintains lies that have no value. Most of the lies he's told me couldn't even be considered to be for a reason - if it was to protect my feelings I'd get it, but some of them are just for attention.
These are not two isolated incidents, these are two of maybe ten events that I can recall from the last 2 years that have always been weird to me, but I kinda brushed them under the rug until recently when I realised there was something else going on.
I don’t think it’s too much to ask from a man who has repeatedly told me how much he values the honesty and openness in our relationship to show me those same values. He is not a man who has ever even indicated that he wanted to have his own space or privacy, in fact, he jumped into the relationship with "we should have each other's phone passcodes and be able to look at it whenever we want because we have absolutely nooooooo secrets". That was a bit of a shock to my system, but I thought 'hey, if this man wants full transparency and openness then let's go for it'.
He can't have it both ways.

This happened many years ago but has remained so clear in my memory that it could have been yesterday. I'm not sure I believe in reincarnation, but if not that, what was this?
A little background ... When I was a little girl, ages 4 and 5 or thereabouts, I had a "pretend friend" named Patricia. I didn't do a lot with her, partly because she was a little older and acted bossy to me. In my own family I was the oldest child, have two younger sisters.
When I was a bit older, I asked my mother if there had ever been a child before me -- a boy. Because I had the strong feeling I had an older brother. Had he died before I was born? Or had we been twins and I made it but he didn't? I asked my mother several times about the older brother thing, she always said No, the last time I asked was when I was in high school.
Skip forward to 1980. I'm in my 30s, single, secretarial work for a construction organization. One of the guys who worked there was originally from Pennsylvania and we got talking about that state -- my mother was born there so I know a bit about it and through those conversations we became friends.
He mentioned living on a farm as a kid, and when he said that I suddenly had a mental picture/vision of a train traveling through a field -- it was a little distance away and there was something between me and the field such that I could see a snatch of field, then blank space, then field again maybe a couple of times. He mentioned having a sister, and I thought "Something's not right with that." But was not a good time to talk.
I will call this guy "C". He lived about 50 miles from the job, I lived 2 streets away from the office. He had a medical condition that was being checked out and if he was too tired at end of the work day he'd stop a while at my place, maybe take a nap before the drive home.
Shortly after the mention of him growing up on a farm, he needed to stop at my place for an hour or so. I brought him some peppermint tea, and brought up the train in the field.
And then I said this: "I'm on a lane, just dirt lane. On the left is an orchard and sheep are grazing there. Ahead is the end wall of a an old two-storey white farmhouse."
C was staring at me, tea forgotten, and he was literally shrinking away from me.
"And there's a meadow behind the house, and a train runs through the meadow, but I can't see all of it because something's in the way, blocking some of the view."
C said, "That was the view from the back steps. How do you KNOW THIS?"
And I kept on talking. I said, "You said you had a sister, but there was another child, wasn't there. What happened to that child?"
And C said, "There was a baby sister, named J. She was born in early 1948 and died of crib death a couple of months later."
His living sister? Her name was Patricia.
A month or so later, C had his sister come visit and they had me over. Patricia and I could easily have been sisters. Both C and Patricia felt it was pretty darn solid that I was their baby J sister, reincarnated now as the person I am.
My mother was able to corroborate that I'd had a pretend friend named Patricia, and she also remembered me wondering about a brother.
C, Patricia and I talked about whether or not to tell their mother. She had never really gotten over the loss. We didn't know how she might react to the very idea of reincarnation. So we decided not to put her in that position.
C moved out of state, we stayed in touch by phone until he passed in the 1990s. Last fall, I thought of contacting Patricia, only to learn she too had passed on.
If this was not a reincarnation matter, then I don't know what it would be. I've never, in my whole life, had another experience like it. One other possibility would be me reading C's mind, but that's never happened with other people.
Anyone else have the experience of actually meeting someone from a previous life?