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How to transition to recognizing multiple notes at once?
2024.05.29 06:50 Altacct42_ How to transition to recognizing multiple notes at once?
I’m 99% sure I have perfect pitch. I can recognize single notes without a reference (not just piano notes, but car horns, the clinking of glass bottles, etc). I have also been able to tell when songs are in the same key from memory. For example, earlier I was listening to “Last Star” by James Ivy when it just popped out at me that it was in the same key as “Moon Water” by Bon Iver. I didn’t know which key that was, just that it was shared between both songs. Unfortunately, I can not do this on command, nor can I recognize what key a song is in.
I think most of this stems from my trouble recognizing notes in context. Isolated notes are easy to recognize, but multiple notes within chords or songs seem impossible to recognize. Does anyone have advice for getting past this issue? Also, is there a website which allows me to hear 2 (and eventually more) notes at once and then choose which notes they are?
submitted by Altacct42_ to perfectpitchgang [link] [comments]
I think most of this stems from my trouble recognizing notes in context. Isolated notes are easy to recognize, but multiple notes within chords or songs seem impossible to recognize. Does anyone have advice for getting past this issue? Also, is there a website which allows me to hear 2 (and eventually more) notes at once and then choose which notes they are?
2024.05.29 06:46 merp450 My boyfriend M20 of two years randomly broke up with me F19 and now wants to get back together.
Six minute read
So I go to college in CO but am from MN which is where my boyfriend and I met in senior year of highschool. Everything was great, I even moved to CO so that I could go to school near him because he was moving there. Once college started insecurities started to show, after being SA'd by a guy at college he demanded that if I am hanging out with people I have to tell him the names of everyone one there. He also to this day says that I technically cheated on him when I was SA'd because I didn't tell him the name of the guy right away. I've been r*ped for three months in a past relationship so it was an honest trauma reaction when I didn't tell him the name and I told him that. The controlling got worse and worse to the point tha I would be anxious to the point of being nauseous if I hung out with even friends that he knew. If I was asked to go to the club I would have to ask permission which would 100% of the time lead him saying no. I should add that after the SA incident we broke up for three months, I expected to never talk to him again and was really happy being single and free but he wiggled his way back into my life leading to us getting back together. This last winter break I was so done with it, I gathered the courage to have a serious talk about his controlling behavior specifically about him saying I can't go to the club, not because I wanted to go party but because of the fact that he thought he could tell me yes or no. In my mind I was ready to end things based on how he reacted to the talk, but he reacted well and so we stayed together and now I am allowed to go to clubs etc. I also must add that when we are in person hanging out everything is fine, we don't fight, we just chill and have fun. We just don't know how to communicate until things start to boil over because it makes both of us very uncomfortable to talk about issues in our relationship in person (I know that is not good and have been working on it) I do feel that things aren't the same as they used to be, there is a feeling of walking on egg shells around him a good amount of the time, things have been better recently. If one little thing happens he will be crabby and just shut down the rest of the day, even losing a game. When my older sister F(23) came to visit a few weeks ago he said that he would take us to the aquarium, we were getting food at the dining hall at my school and so I went out to his car to invite him to sit with us until we are ready to leave. He was in one of his "moods" and was angry, he just said no and that he will wait for us in his car and then hit the gas and loudly sped away when I was three feet away from him car. Later that night we were all drinking and he admitted with a laugh and smile on his face that he acted like that because he was listening to logics new album or something and "just needed to grind" whatever the fuck that means. My sister was driving in his car alone with him for maybe 15 minutes max. and said that even she felt like she was walking on egg shells and that she understood me now because he would get upset at the smallest things. It honestly just embarrassed me that he couldn't try to be nice around my sister, that just shows me that he doesn't care.
So now to get to the actual story, sorry that I rambled, I am currently visiting my family in MN for two weeks, he is still in CO. A week ago I went to visit one of my only friends from highschool for a sleepover, we went down to eat dinner and when we came back upstairs I saw that I had a missed call from him, I then saw this exact text: "Hey J***a! I miss you a lot right now. I know you're having a fun time out in Minnesota with your friends and your family. I love and care about you very much, I know you know that. It's time to move on from each other. This hurts a lot and I'm shaking while typing this. But I need to fly solo for a while and figure some shit out on my end. " My honest reaction was "I think blank just broke up with me?" My friend was so nice and then asked me how I felt, I honestly didn't feel sad, I was mainly just confused because of how random it was, he was acting completely normal up until then. I tried calling him back but it went straight to voicemail sp I texted him this: "I wish we could've had this talk on the phone. I was eating dinner downstairs when you called. I tried calling but you aren't answering so.
I agree, I feel like we haven't been in love like we used to for a long time, and I think moving on is the best thing for both of us." He never replied the rest of the night. The rest of the night I didn't cry or feel sad, I called my girl friends that I'm living with in CO, after them asking me how I felt and stuff we just started making fun plans for our single girl summer. Every single one of my friends does not like my boyfriend including my sister. They have been telling me to break up with him for months but I am honestly too scared and uncomfortable to, plus things are good when we are hanging out in person so I figured to just not worry about it. The next day my ex snapchatted me asking if we could have a phone call later if that is okay with me, I said sure expecting him to just tell me why he wanted to break up. But instead he said that the night before he saw some old screenshots (from the old SA incident) that made him go into a downward spiral. I will say I said some awful stuff behind his back which was the screenshots he was looking at. He then convinced himself that I had cheated on him and that I didn't actually get assaulted and that all of the times that I studied with my guy friends or hungout with them that we were fucking. So he just sent that text and powered off his phone. I will also say that I have never cheated on him. The next day he woke up and regretted it, he admitted that he also felt nauseous and scared which is think means he was just scared to be alone because we've been together for so long and he doesn't have any IRL friends in CO, so he would've basically been alone. So anyways on the phone the day after breaking up with me he told me why he sent the text and then started talking about how he was sad because he wasn't thinking lastnight, that he was only thinking about the bad things but then started thinking about all of the good times we have had and that that was what made him so sad the next morning. He said he truly loved me and wanted to at least say that he tried to get me back. I was again just very confused and shocked at this information, I tend to feel really bad for people even when they don't deserve it and so when he said he would've regretted this for the rest of his life and that he really loved me I caved and agreed to see if we can work things out. That being said I made sure to let him know that what he did was really shitty and not normal, and that it of course hurt me the way he went about it all. I have been telling him that he needs to go back to therapy for a year and he kept saying no, so on the phone I told him that if I'm even going to consider getting back with him he is going to get therapy. I know that may be shitty and I don't like telling people what to do but that is honestly what I think he needs if we even have a chance at getting better as a couple. At this time we are also planning to see eachother when I get back to CO to have an in-person talk about a lot of stuff. I told him that we can "stay together" but that I need time to think and I don't want to be official until I see major amount of change from him. Which historically has never really happened or the changes he made he eventually let slip and went back to his old ways which were toxic.
So now I am here, not sure what to think. I have been trying to really think about what I want and how I feel without thinking about his feelings but it's been really hard. We agreed to reconvene and see if things are better at the end of the summer, allowing him time to work on himself. But I don't know if I want to do that. I feel like things won't change, only because they haven't in the past when he said that they would. I also don't know how to end things if I were to.
If you were me what would you honestly do? It's hard to end such a long relationship.
submitted by merp450 to Advice [link] [comments]
So I go to college in CO but am from MN which is where my boyfriend and I met in senior year of highschool. Everything was great, I even moved to CO so that I could go to school near him because he was moving there. Once college started insecurities started to show, after being SA'd by a guy at college he demanded that if I am hanging out with people I have to tell him the names of everyone one there. He also to this day says that I technically cheated on him when I was SA'd because I didn't tell him the name of the guy right away. I've been r*ped for three months in a past relationship so it was an honest trauma reaction when I didn't tell him the name and I told him that. The controlling got worse and worse to the point tha I would be anxious to the point of being nauseous if I hung out with even friends that he knew. If I was asked to go to the club I would have to ask permission which would 100% of the time lead him saying no. I should add that after the SA incident we broke up for three months, I expected to never talk to him again and was really happy being single and free but he wiggled his way back into my life leading to us getting back together. This last winter break I was so done with it, I gathered the courage to have a serious talk about his controlling behavior specifically about him saying I can't go to the club, not because I wanted to go party but because of the fact that he thought he could tell me yes or no. In my mind I was ready to end things based on how he reacted to the talk, but he reacted well and so we stayed together and now I am allowed to go to clubs etc. I also must add that when we are in person hanging out everything is fine, we don't fight, we just chill and have fun. We just don't know how to communicate until things start to boil over because it makes both of us very uncomfortable to talk about issues in our relationship in person (I know that is not good and have been working on it) I do feel that things aren't the same as they used to be, there is a feeling of walking on egg shells around him a good amount of the time, things have been better recently. If one little thing happens he will be crabby and just shut down the rest of the day, even losing a game. When my older sister F(23) came to visit a few weeks ago he said that he would take us to the aquarium, we were getting food at the dining hall at my school and so I went out to his car to invite him to sit with us until we are ready to leave. He was in one of his "moods" and was angry, he just said no and that he will wait for us in his car and then hit the gas and loudly sped away when I was three feet away from him car. Later that night we were all drinking and he admitted with a laugh and smile on his face that he acted like that because he was listening to logics new album or something and "just needed to grind" whatever the fuck that means. My sister was driving in his car alone with him for maybe 15 minutes max. and said that even she felt like she was walking on egg shells and that she understood me now because he would get upset at the smallest things. It honestly just embarrassed me that he couldn't try to be nice around my sister, that just shows me that he doesn't care.
So now to get to the actual story, sorry that I rambled, I am currently visiting my family in MN for two weeks, he is still in CO. A week ago I went to visit one of my only friends from highschool for a sleepover, we went down to eat dinner and when we came back upstairs I saw that I had a missed call from him, I then saw this exact text: "Hey J***a! I miss you a lot right now. I know you're having a fun time out in Minnesota with your friends and your family. I love and care about you very much, I know you know that. It's time to move on from each other. This hurts a lot and I'm shaking while typing this. But I need to fly solo for a while and figure some shit out on my end. " My honest reaction was "I think blank just broke up with me?" My friend was so nice and then asked me how I felt, I honestly didn't feel sad, I was mainly just confused because of how random it was, he was acting completely normal up until then. I tried calling him back but it went straight to voicemail sp I texted him this: "I wish we could've had this talk on the phone. I was eating dinner downstairs when you called. I tried calling but you aren't answering so.
I agree, I feel like we haven't been in love like we used to for a long time, and I think moving on is the best thing for both of us." He never replied the rest of the night. The rest of the night I didn't cry or feel sad, I called my girl friends that I'm living with in CO, after them asking me how I felt and stuff we just started making fun plans for our single girl summer. Every single one of my friends does not like my boyfriend including my sister. They have been telling me to break up with him for months but I am honestly too scared and uncomfortable to, plus things are good when we are hanging out in person so I figured to just not worry about it. The next day my ex snapchatted me asking if we could have a phone call later if that is okay with me, I said sure expecting him to just tell me why he wanted to break up. But instead he said that the night before he saw some old screenshots (from the old SA incident) that made him go into a downward spiral. I will say I said some awful stuff behind his back which was the screenshots he was looking at. He then convinced himself that I had cheated on him and that I didn't actually get assaulted and that all of the times that I studied with my guy friends or hungout with them that we were fucking. So he just sent that text and powered off his phone. I will also say that I have never cheated on him. The next day he woke up and regretted it, he admitted that he also felt nauseous and scared which is think means he was just scared to be alone because we've been together for so long and he doesn't have any IRL friends in CO, so he would've basically been alone. So anyways on the phone the day after breaking up with me he told me why he sent the text and then started talking about how he was sad because he wasn't thinking lastnight, that he was only thinking about the bad things but then started thinking about all of the good times we have had and that that was what made him so sad the next morning. He said he truly loved me and wanted to at least say that he tried to get me back. I was again just very confused and shocked at this information, I tend to feel really bad for people even when they don't deserve it and so when he said he would've regretted this for the rest of his life and that he really loved me I caved and agreed to see if we can work things out. That being said I made sure to let him know that what he did was really shitty and not normal, and that it of course hurt me the way he went about it all. I have been telling him that he needs to go back to therapy for a year and he kept saying no, so on the phone I told him that if I'm even going to consider getting back with him he is going to get therapy. I know that may be shitty and I don't like telling people what to do but that is honestly what I think he needs if we even have a chance at getting better as a couple. At this time we are also planning to see eachother when I get back to CO to have an in-person talk about a lot of stuff. I told him that we can "stay together" but that I need time to think and I don't want to be official until I see major amount of change from him. Which historically has never really happened or the changes he made he eventually let slip and went back to his old ways which were toxic.
So now I am here, not sure what to think. I have been trying to really think about what I want and how I feel without thinking about his feelings but it's been really hard. We agreed to reconvene and see if things are better at the end of the summer, allowing him time to work on himself. But I don't know if I want to do that. I feel like things won't change, only because they haven't in the past when he said that they would. I also don't know how to end things if I were to.
If you were me what would you honestly do? It's hard to end such a long relationship.
2024.05.29 06:45 MaeyaShort How do I ‘20 MTF’ explain my feelings to my best friends ’21F’ and ‘22F’?
What should I do with my eagerness to be wanted? With some background I am Maeya ‘20MTF’ and I never new my bio dad ’40M’ he and my mom ‘40F’ were young and he was a coward and left. My mom met my first stepdad ‘41M’ (aka stepdad 1) when I was 5 yo. He is mostly traditional he understands what being gay is but other than that hates all of it. Where I was the black sheep of the family. And where my brother who is 5 years younger was the masculine son he wanted. At school I was the floater in social groups who could be anywhere. But that didn’t mean I could fit in anywhere. I am too awkward of a conversationalist and social situations aren’t my strong suit. The group I stayed with through high school had 4-5 people all male and we were all “pairs” in the group where I was the third part of a trio that would hangout after school. Because my gendesexuality I really had too decode whether I had a crush on a girl or I just wanted to be them thankfully most of the time it was the ladder but I knew I was mostly into women. But because I did grow up in a semi traditionalistic setting and my messed up social awkwardness I didn’t ask anyone out ever. Because I was male presenting but flamboyant I was either expected to ask them out or I was too feminine too be into women. Which resulted in a couple of times being pranked on by both guys and girls saying that some girl would be into me just to be fake. One was a high school dance and another was just a Sophomore joke. Sophomore year my Nana passed away from a stomach/intestinal cancer. And because of my paternal upbringing she was the consistent secondary guardian that was there from the beginning. Then Junior year my mom and stepdad dad 1 got a divorce and then the pandemic happened. Senior year began and I knew I needed too prepare too say goodbye too my old life and prepare to start a new one and my friends will find there own paths in life too. But I did expect us too have a way of communicating. My mom ended up meeting someone and remarried in January of 2021. October of 2020 one my friends passed away from an OD. The rest of us graduated class of 2021. One friend ended up becoming a hermit I tried reaching out but he didn’t come out of his house. I ended up going to the Navy in September of 2021 but had a leg injury in bootcamp and didn’t make it. While in bootcamp my family moved across the country Northwest to the South. So I ended up going with them once I was out of bootcamp. I ended up feeling alone and restless I just found a job and was in a rut. Then in July of 2022 another one of my friends died in a car crash. This made me determined too try something new like college but that ended up not working out mentally. But things at work were looking brighter. I did come as trans at this time. And seeing a dynamic duo of Hope ‘21F’ and Sophia ‘22F’. For this story you need to know has been in a relationship for 3 years. I knew Sophia since I started working their and seeing her and Hope more at work and hearing about there night outs during the summer of 2023 when both turned 21 was something I wanted to be a part of as a friendship. It was difficult for me too articulate it especially when I am an outsider in so many ways but they said they’ll take me in. This was January of 2024. Due to the weather there wasn’t much communication but I did make plans to go out to a club as a first time being full femme and it was a time to tackle my gender anxieties but not my social anxieties so I wasn’t as social as I would’ve liked. Then after that Hope has had a lot of new adulting things this year from insurance, dental, a new car, and ending a three year relationship because of online betrayal.
When she broke up with her boyfriend I knew she was physically the most beautiful person inside and out I’ve ever seen but because of how well oiled her relationship seemed too be I never truly paid attention to this feeling. She is the center of the group and has constantly people wanting to hangout with her. But she was ranting how she is so bad at responding to people because there seems too be so much responsibility. With that every time I reach out she does respond in reasonable measure. But the only time I’ve been messaged by Hope or Sophia it’s too see if I can come in too cover someone else at work who called out. I know it’s not intentional. I didn’t tell Hope about the lack of communication. But I did explain my feelings and I knew she experimented once or twice and she doesn’t float that way but I have feelings for her and don’t know if they’ll go away but I’ve already accepted the facts and she means more too me than my own feelings and I’m willing too stay friends but just wanted too be honest with her and not do something stupid. She was completely understanding and as expected she viewed me as more of a sister and I completely understood and accepted. But now there is this growing communication issue where so many people want to be a part of Hope and Sophia’s click that I am having no communication in general because of my social anxieties, lack of experience in the South, am for and can hangout around recreational use but don’t partake myself, and my fear of being “the single trans/gay person of the group”. Because of those things I see people who do want to be a part of their click being shown more effort because they fit their vibe/vibe of their hangout and I don’t know what to do. From confessing my feelings to Hope and these communication issues I just realize I’ve had a few number 1 friends but I was nobody’s number 1. But I’m not looking to be number 1 I just want to not be last thought to feel wanted. I just need to know how to communicate this without feeling like I am forcing them too because the last thing I want is too be a friend out of pity.
submitted by MaeyaShort to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
When she broke up with her boyfriend I knew she was physically the most beautiful person inside and out I’ve ever seen but because of how well oiled her relationship seemed too be I never truly paid attention to this feeling. She is the center of the group and has constantly people wanting to hangout with her. But she was ranting how she is so bad at responding to people because there seems too be so much responsibility. With that every time I reach out she does respond in reasonable measure. But the only time I’ve been messaged by Hope or Sophia it’s too see if I can come in too cover someone else at work who called out. I know it’s not intentional. I didn’t tell Hope about the lack of communication. But I did explain my feelings and I knew she experimented once or twice and she doesn’t float that way but I have feelings for her and don’t know if they’ll go away but I’ve already accepted the facts and she means more too me than my own feelings and I’m willing too stay friends but just wanted too be honest with her and not do something stupid. She was completely understanding and as expected she viewed me as more of a sister and I completely understood and accepted. But now there is this growing communication issue where so many people want to be a part of Hope and Sophia’s click that I am having no communication in general because of my social anxieties, lack of experience in the South, am for and can hangout around recreational use but don’t partake myself, and my fear of being “the single trans/gay person of the group”. Because of those things I see people who do want to be a part of their click being shown more effort because they fit their vibe/vibe of their hangout and I don’t know what to do. From confessing my feelings to Hope and these communication issues I just realize I’ve had a few number 1 friends but I was nobody’s number 1. But I’m not looking to be number 1 I just want to not be last thought to feel wanted. I just need to know how to communicate this without feeling like I am forcing them too because the last thing I want is too be a friend out of pity.
2024.05.29 06:43 2fort4 How do you maintain relationships with others who drink heavily?
Reading all the stories here has been really inspiring, it's one of the few subreddits that you can actually feel the love, and support for one another. I looked around at a few different "sober" subreddits and this one seemed like the best place for me, so I'll just dive right in.
Part I
I'm a guy that's almost 42, who had their first drink from a friend's liquor cabinet when I was 13 or 14. In high school it was pretty much drinking every other weekend somewhere, sometimes at my own house with my parents home. They were the "If you and your friends drink, no one can leave" kind of parents, which I don't know if that's good or bad anymore. Out of school I was always a beer guy who had quite a tolerance for being tall and skinny. Drinking was the norm through my 20's & 30's, living in a big "brewery town" made it socially acceptable for everyone to have a common interest in drinking .
It was fine for the most part, I've never had an addictive personality and drinking was mainly a social thing, especially in my 30's. I rarely bought beer from the store to drink it at the house. Hard liquor was never really my thing because it too easily put me over the edge to where I black out, get sick, ruin the night, etc. So I was the type of drinker who just had a beer with the boys, or a couple after a bike ride at the pub, or a couple PBRs while washing the car on a hot day.
I've done sober October a couple of years in a row which wasn't a big deal for me and I have never felt like I had a problem, or that I couldn't quit if I wanted (this is not a brag, I know many struggle). I did it again last October and then just kept it going because why not? I didn't drink up until April, where I had a couple of drinks with dinner a few times when I was living overseas. I told myself before I left that I wasn't going to leave Italy without having a glass of red wine with a Florentine steak; which I did. All in, I probably had 10 drinks spread over 3 months.
Now I'm back in the states and just have no motivation to drink at all. It's bad for me, disrupts my sleep (which I hold dear these days!), it's bloody expensive, etc. Even the inklings of "Maybe for X occasion", or "Just one, it's with an old friend!". Nope, sparkling soda & lime for me with the knowledge that I won't feel fuzzy tomorrow or wake up in the middle of the night for no reason. Done.
Part II
My sister is a different story..
If I'm the introverted quiet one, she's the extroverted, larger than life, center of attention seeker with a fierce addictive personality. When she drinks, it's never 1 or 2, it's until she's drunk, her husband drags her to bed, or there's nothing left to drink. It's not an every day thing for her, but it's enough where I'm always concerned when I know there will be booze & people around.
She knows I'm not drinking and respects it, but I know she wishes I was because we did have fun together. Now though, I can't stand to be around her when she's had any. I see the somewhat glazed-over look, the subtle speech differences, things only her brother would notice from 25 years of drinking together. If I was annoyed at her volume going up 2x with every White Claw before, now it's so unbearable that I have to leave.
I guess my question to you all is, how do you deal with similar situations? Being the sober one around drunk siblings, parents, friends? I can really feel my tolerance for drunk people slipping big time. My sister and I have always had a great relationship, we were both put through a lot growing up and it made us really strong. I feel like this new path is going to present some real challenges for us in the future. Do you all just find sober friends / social circles or remove yourself completely? Is this one of the hardest parts of sobriety? Thanks for listening.
submitted by 2fort4 to stopdrinking [link] [comments]
Part I
I'm a guy that's almost 42, who had their first drink from a friend's liquor cabinet when I was 13 or 14. In high school it was pretty much drinking every other weekend somewhere, sometimes at my own house with my parents home. They were the "If you and your friends drink, no one can leave" kind of parents, which I don't know if that's good or bad anymore. Out of school I was always a beer guy who had quite a tolerance for being tall and skinny. Drinking was the norm through my 20's & 30's, living in a big "brewery town" made it socially acceptable for everyone to have a common interest in drinking .
It was fine for the most part, I've never had an addictive personality and drinking was mainly a social thing, especially in my 30's. I rarely bought beer from the store to drink it at the house. Hard liquor was never really my thing because it too easily put me over the edge to where I black out, get sick, ruin the night, etc. So I was the type of drinker who just had a beer with the boys, or a couple after a bike ride at the pub, or a couple PBRs while washing the car on a hot day.
I've done sober October a couple of years in a row which wasn't a big deal for me and I have never felt like I had a problem, or that I couldn't quit if I wanted (this is not a brag, I know many struggle). I did it again last October and then just kept it going because why not? I didn't drink up until April, where I had a couple of drinks with dinner a few times when I was living overseas. I told myself before I left that I wasn't going to leave Italy without having a glass of red wine with a Florentine steak; which I did. All in, I probably had 10 drinks spread over 3 months.
Now I'm back in the states and just have no motivation to drink at all. It's bad for me, disrupts my sleep (which I hold dear these days!), it's bloody expensive, etc. Even the inklings of "Maybe for X occasion", or "Just one, it's with an old friend!". Nope, sparkling soda & lime for me with the knowledge that I won't feel fuzzy tomorrow or wake up in the middle of the night for no reason. Done.
Part II
My sister is a different story..
If I'm the introverted quiet one, she's the extroverted, larger than life, center of attention seeker with a fierce addictive personality. When she drinks, it's never 1 or 2, it's until she's drunk, her husband drags her to bed, or there's nothing left to drink. It's not an every day thing for her, but it's enough where I'm always concerned when I know there will be booze & people around.
She knows I'm not drinking and respects it, but I know she wishes I was because we did have fun together. Now though, I can't stand to be around her when she's had any. I see the somewhat glazed-over look, the subtle speech differences, things only her brother would notice from 25 years of drinking together. If I was annoyed at her volume going up 2x with every White Claw before, now it's so unbearable that I have to leave.
I guess my question to you all is, how do you deal with similar situations? Being the sober one around drunk siblings, parents, friends? I can really feel my tolerance for drunk people slipping big time. My sister and I have always had a great relationship, we were both put through a lot growing up and it made us really strong. I feel like this new path is going to present some real challenges for us in the future. Do you all just find sober friends / social circles or remove yourself completely? Is this one of the hardest parts of sobriety? Thanks for listening.
2024.05.29 06:41 Sweet-Count2557 Best Place For Babymoon
 | Best Place For Babymoon submitted by Sweet-Count2557 to worldkidstravel [link] [comments] Looking for the best place to unwind and celebrate your last few moments of tranquility before welcoming your little bundle of joy? Look no further! Whether you're craving a tropical beach getaway, a cozy mountain retreat, or an urban escape, we've got you covered. From cultural and historical destinations to all-inclusive resorts that offer ultimate relaxation, there's something for every babymoon out there. Picture yourself strolling hand in hand on pristine sandy beaches with turquoise waters gently lapping at your feet. Or imagine snuggling up by a roaring fireplace in a charming mountain cabin, surrounded by breathtaking views. Perhaps you prefer the hustle and bustle of vibrant city streets, exploring local markets, and indulging in delicious cuisine. For those who crave enriching experiences, immerse yourself in the rich history and culture of fascinating destinations. No matter what kind of babymoon experience you desire, we'll guide you through the top recommendations to ensure that this special time is everything you've dreamed of and more. So sit back, relax, and let us help you plan the perfect babymoon getaway! Key Takeaways Babymoons offer couples the opportunity to unwind and celebrate before welcoming a baby. Babymoon destinations range from tropical beach getaways to cozy mountain retreats, offering relaxation and pampering. Urban escapes provide an immersion in city life, with a wide range of luxury accommodations available. Cultural and historical destinations, such as Rome, Cairo, and Siem Reap, offer the chance to explore architectural wonders and ancient ruins. Tropical Beach Getaways If you're looking for the perfect tropical beach getaway for your babymoon, there's no better place than a sun-kissed paradise with crystal clear waters and soft sandy shores. Imagine yourself lounging under the shade of palm trees, feeling the gentle ocean breeze caressing your skin. Tropical beach destinations offer the ideal setting for relaxation and rejuvenation before your little bundle of joy arrives. For those seeking ultimate pampering, luxury spa retreats are dotted along these picturesque coasts. Indulge in soothing massages, invigorating facials, and calming treatments that'll leave you feeling refreshed and revitalized. The serene atmosphere combined with expert therapists' hands will transport you to a state of pure bliss. If privacy is what you crave during this special time, secluded island paradises await your arrival. These hidden gems provide an intimate escape from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Picture yourselves strolling hand in hand along deserted beaches or enjoying candlelit dinners by the water's edge. As breathtaking as tropical beach getaways can be, sometimes we long for a change of scenery. That's when cozy mountain retreats come into play... Cozy Mountain Retreats Located in the heart of the mountains, cozy retreats offer expecting couples a secluded and intimate getaway experience with over 80% of these accommodations boasting breathtaking views. These peaceful cabin rentals provide a perfect escape from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Nestled among towering trees and surrounded by nature's beauty, these mountain retreats create an atmosphere of tranquility that is ideal for babymooners. Imagine waking up to the sound of birds chirping and breathing in the crisp mountain air as you step outside your cabin. Serene lakeside escapes are just a short walk away, where you can spend your days lounging by the water or taking leisurely hikes along scenic trails. The cozy interiors of these retreats provide all the comforts of home, with plush furnishings and crackling fireplaces to keep you warm on chilly evenings. Whether you choose to spend your time relaxing on a private deck or exploring nearby towns, these cozy mountain retreats offer something for everyone. Indulge in spa treatments, enjoy gourmet meals prepared by private chefs, or simply unwind in a hot tub overlooking panoramic views. As you bid farewell to this serene oasis, get ready for another adventure as we delve into urban escapes for babymooners without losing any sense of relaxation and rejuvenation. Urban Escapes for Babymooners Immerse yourself in the vibrant energy of city life and experience a babymoon like no other, where bustling streets and trendy neighborhoods become the backdrop for your urban escape. City exploration takes on a whole new meaning as you venture out to discover hidden gems, iconic landmarks, and indulge in world-class cuisine. When it comes to luxury accommodations, urban escapes offer a wide range of options that cater to every taste. From sleek boutique hotels nestled in the heart of downtown to luxurious high-rise apartments with breathtaking views of the city skyline, there is something for everyone. Pamper yourself with spa treatments, enjoy rooftop cocktails at sunset, or simply relax in style as you prepare for the arrival of your little one. To help you plan your ultimate babymoon getaway, here's a curated list of some top-notch urban destinations: DestinationHighlightsAccommodationsNew York CityBroadway showsLuxury hotelsTokyoHigh-tech wondersBoutique hotelsParisRomantic ambianceCharming B&BsSydneyStunning beachesLuxury resortsBarcelonaArt and architectureStylish apartments As you explore these incredible cities, don't forget to take time to learn about their cultural and historical destinations. Cultural and Historical Destinations As you wander through the vibrant streets of these urban escapes, prepare to be transported back in time as you uncover the rich cultural and historical destinations that each city has to offer. These cities are not just known for their modern amenities and bustling city life, but also for their deep-rooted history and cultural heritage. From UNESCO World Heritage sites to ancient ruins exploration, there is something for every history enthusiast. In these cultural and historical destinations, you can marvel at the architectural wonders of ancient civilizations or immerse yourself in the stories of past empires. Explore magnificent temples and palaces adorned with intricate carvings, walk along cobblestone streets lined with colorful colonial buildings, or visit museums that showcase centuries-old artifacts. Whether you're strolling through the narrow alleyways of Rome's historic center, admiring the awe-inspiring pyramids in Cairo, or exploring the majestic Angkor Wat complex in Siem Reap, each destination will leave you captivated by its rich past. Now it's time to relax and unwind at all-inclusive resorts for ultimate relaxation. All-Inclusive Resorts for Ultimate Relaxation Indulge in the epitome of luxury and unwind at all-inclusive resorts, where every need is catered to for an ultimate relaxation experience. When it comes to planning a babymoon, finding the perfect destination that offers pampering and tranquility is essential. Look no further than spa retreats designed specifically for pampered babymoons. Imagine being enveloped in serene vibes as you step into a world of blissful treatments and rejuvenating therapies. These spa retreats offer a range of prenatal massages, facials, and body treatments tailored to meet your specific needs during this special time. Whether it's relieving pregnancy discomfort or simply indulging in some much-needed self-care, these spas have got you covered. For those seeking absolute privacy and seclusion, luxury resorts with private villas are the ideal choice for babymoon bliss. Imagine waking up to breathtaking views from your own secluded oasis, complete with a private pool and personalized service. These resorts provide the perfect backdrop for creating precious memories before your little one arrives. With their top-notch amenities, gourmet dining options, and luxurious accommodations, all-inclusive resorts truly offer the ultimate relaxation experience for expecting parents. So go ahead, treat yourself to some well-deserved pampering at one of these fantastic destinations. Your babymoon will be an unforgettable journey into pure bliss and relaxation. Frequently Asked Questions What are some recommended activities for babymoons at tropical beach getaways? As you embark on your tropical beach getaway, let the waves of relaxation wash over you like a gentle lullaby. Recommended activities for babymoons in this idyllic setting are plentiful. Take leisurely walks along the sandy shore, hand in hand with your partner, as the golden sun kisses your skin. Indulge in soothing prenatal massages and rejuvenating yoga sessions by the ocean. Embrace the blissful tranquility and create memories that'll last a lifetime. Are there any specific precautions or safety measures to consider when planning a babymoon at a cozy mountain retreat? When planning a babymoon at a cozy mountain retreat, it's important to take certain precautions and safety measures into account. Firstly, check the weather conditions and ensure you pack appropriate clothing and footwear. Be mindful of any altitude-related health concerns and consult with your healthcare provider beforehand. Additionally, research the accessibility of medical facilities in case of emergencies. Lastly, be cautious when engaging in physical activities such as hiking or skiing to avoid any potential risks to you and your baby. Which urban escapes for babymooners offer the best combination of relaxation and access to amenities? Looking for the perfect urban escape to relax during your babymoon? Look no further than these top destinations that offer a blissful combination of relaxation and access to amenities. From the bustling streets of New York City to the charming neighborhoods of San Francisco, these cities have it all. Enjoy spa treatments, indulge in delicious cuisine, and explore local attractions while taking in the vibrant energy of these babymoon-friendly destinations. Here are some tips for planning your unforgettable babymoon. Are there any cultural and historical destinations that are particularly baby-friendly and offer activities suitable for babymooners? If you're looking for a cultural and historical destination that is baby-friendly, there are plenty of options to consider. From exploring ancient ruins to visiting art museums, you can immerse yourself in the rich history of places like Rome, Athens, or Kyoto. Take leisurely walks through cobblestone streets and indulge in local cuisine while enjoying historical sightseeing. These destinations offer a perfect blend of cultural immersion and activities suitable for babymooners. What are the key features or services provided by all-inclusive resorts for ultimate relaxation that make them ideal for babymoons? For the ultimate relaxation on your babymoon, all-inclusive resorts offer key features and services that cater to your every need. With luxurious accommodations, you can unwind in style and comfort. Indulge in delectable cuisine at their gourmet restaurants, where world-class chefs create culinary masterpieces. Enjoy pampering spa treatments that'll leave you feeling rejuvenated and refreshed. Take advantage of their personalized service, ensuring that every detail is taken care of. All-inclusive resorts provide the perfect backdrop for your babymoon getaway. Conclusion So there you have it, expectant parents! Whether you and your partner prefer the sun-kissed beaches of a tropical paradise or the serene beauty of a cozy mountain retreat, there is a perfect babymoon spot waiting for you. If you're more drawn to the vibrant energy of an urban escape or the rich culture and history of a destination steeped in tradition, don't worry, there are options for you too. And let's not forget about those all-inclusive resorts that offer ultimate relaxation and pampering. So go ahead, indulge in some well-deserved rest and relaxation before your little one arrives. Happy babymooning! |
2024.05.29 06:41 polird What would cause a driveshaft to vibrate sometimes but not other times?
I have an AWD Mazda 3, and a couple years back it developed a driveshaft vibration at highway speeds that got progressively worse until it was basically unbearable to go over 65mph for more than a few minutes. I eventually got the dealership to admit it wasn't the tires and they replaced the driveshaft under warranty, which fixed the problem. The invoice said "found improper movement of the u-joint".
Well now with ~30k miles on the replacement driveshaft and outside of warranty, it's starting to have the same vibration. However it's intermittent, on some drives it's barely noticeable, but other times it's very prominent. I compared recordings side by side to make sure it wasn't my imagination. It is only speed dependent and does not change under acceleration or deceleration. It's a two piece shaft with a center carrier bearing. If there was a balance issue, I think it would have vibrated from the beginning and consistently. If there's a u-joint issue again, wouldn't that also be a constant vibration, and why would a regular compact car keep wearing out u-joints? I'm hoping there's something I can do to remedy this vibration before the shaft goes totally bad again. It's one non-serviceable unit so replacing a whole assembly every 30k miles is ridiculous.
submitted by polird to MechanicAdvice [link] [comments]
Well now with ~30k miles on the replacement driveshaft and outside of warranty, it's starting to have the same vibration. However it's intermittent, on some drives it's barely noticeable, but other times it's very prominent. I compared recordings side by side to make sure it wasn't my imagination. It is only speed dependent and does not change under acceleration or deceleration. It's a two piece shaft with a center carrier bearing. If there was a balance issue, I think it would have vibrated from the beginning and consistently. If there's a u-joint issue again, wouldn't that also be a constant vibration, and why would a regular compact car keep wearing out u-joints? I'm hoping there's something I can do to remedy this vibration before the shaft goes totally bad again. It's one non-serviceable unit so replacing a whole assembly every 30k miles is ridiculous.
2024.05.29 06:36 a_winters_day I’m about to turn 18, and my single-ish mom is 29 weeks pregnant. How do I help her as much as possible?
I’m not quite sure how to start this, but the main goal of this post is to hopefully gain some advice on how to be as much as a help to my mother (39F) as possible, through her third trimester and past postpartum.
For some context, this baby will be my mother’s fourth child, however, he’s her first child with her current boyfriend (35?M). The rest of us have the same father who she was married to for around 18 years, until a few years ago. She has been with her current partner for two years. (Their anniversary was recently)
My father was quite abusive and my mom was left to do most things regarding us children alone, as a very young woman.
I do not want this pregnancy to be anything like that. However, I’m not sure that her current partner is completely ready for this father role. Which is fair, considering this is his first child and this was an accidental pregnancy.
He has yet to move in with us, which I am sure my mother is concerned about, because he has had since December to do so and it is now late May. He is a slow person in general and takes his time, but my mother has expressed to him many times that she would like for him to be moved in as soon as possible. He lives with his mom and brother as a caregiver figure of sorts for his mother (To give him so grace… but it’s barely that). However, we live extremely close and it would be very easy for him to get to her.
This next piece of context is extremely important!! I have a brother (13) who is special needs. He has a chromosome disorder so rare he’s the only person on earth with it. It’s quite hard to explain, but he needs 24/7 supervision. And he’s not easy to manage. Thankfully, he has a caregiver that helps some days of the week. But on the days he doesn’t, he is a lot for my mother to handle. I help the best I can, but I often feel like I can’t do enough to be a good help after her baby is born.
I am constantly researching things about pregnancy, birth, postpartum, babies, and more. I think instagram thinks i’m expecting at this point. But I’m not, and I’ve never been. I don’t know how to help in ways that are worthwhile. What can I do to truly make my mom as happy as possible? And to make this her best pregnancy experience yet?
I clean and make her breakfast (sometimes on breakfast… i tried to make her a snack yesterday and ended up just wasting food, and it’s things like that that make me wonder if I’m making things worse by trying to help. Maybe i’d just be getting in the way) but for some reason i feel like nothing is enough.
I know there’s only so much I can do. But sometimes i wish I could take the baby and raise him as my own away from her, so she could finally spend part of her just for herself, not taking care of others.
Also, I don’t have my drivers license, and don’t plan on getting it because the drivers where I live are very bad. We got in a car accident last month, and I’ve felt shaken up in the car ever since. I bring that up because it means i can’t go get stuff for her postpartum, unless I use my electric bike. I would like to be able to help in that way, though.
I just graduated high school, so I’ve been getting lots of money. I’ve been trying to either save it or spend it on the baby and my mom. I also have an internship for June that will make me over 1 or 2,000 dollars I can’t remember. I wanted to give it all to her. Maybe pay part of the hospital bill? I know those are really bad.
She’s also been stressed about money, I think. For some reason, her managers won’t give her shifts. Her partner works at the same place, but since he lives with his mom, he isn’t working and is focusing on pharmacy school stuff. Maybe i’m projecting my own feelings, (Because from time to time i resent them for getting pregnant) but i can imagine she’s upset he isn’t thinking ahead to all the things this baby will need.. all the expenses… etc.
Anyway, that was a lot of rambling, sorry. If anyone has advice for me on how to helpful without getting in the way, please let me know. I need it very much, and it’s eternally appreciated. Even if you just list off things people would’ve helped you with when you were pregnant and postpartum.
She doesn’t like me helping because i’m a (her) kid, but it feels like my duty as the eldest. I might update this if i remember more things but for now :) thank you
submitted by a_winters_day to Advice [link] [comments]
For some context, this baby will be my mother’s fourth child, however, he’s her first child with her current boyfriend (35?M). The rest of us have the same father who she was married to for around 18 years, until a few years ago. She has been with her current partner for two years. (Their anniversary was recently)
My father was quite abusive and my mom was left to do most things regarding us children alone, as a very young woman.
I do not want this pregnancy to be anything like that. However, I’m not sure that her current partner is completely ready for this father role. Which is fair, considering this is his first child and this was an accidental pregnancy.
He has yet to move in with us, which I am sure my mother is concerned about, because he has had since December to do so and it is now late May. He is a slow person in general and takes his time, but my mother has expressed to him many times that she would like for him to be moved in as soon as possible. He lives with his mom and brother as a caregiver figure of sorts for his mother (To give him so grace… but it’s barely that). However, we live extremely close and it would be very easy for him to get to her.
This next piece of context is extremely important!! I have a brother (13) who is special needs. He has a chromosome disorder so rare he’s the only person on earth with it. It’s quite hard to explain, but he needs 24/7 supervision. And he’s not easy to manage. Thankfully, he has a caregiver that helps some days of the week. But on the days he doesn’t, he is a lot for my mother to handle. I help the best I can, but I often feel like I can’t do enough to be a good help after her baby is born.
I am constantly researching things about pregnancy, birth, postpartum, babies, and more. I think instagram thinks i’m expecting at this point. But I’m not, and I’ve never been. I don’t know how to help in ways that are worthwhile. What can I do to truly make my mom as happy as possible? And to make this her best pregnancy experience yet?
I clean and make her breakfast (sometimes on breakfast… i tried to make her a snack yesterday and ended up just wasting food, and it’s things like that that make me wonder if I’m making things worse by trying to help. Maybe i’d just be getting in the way) but for some reason i feel like nothing is enough.
I know there’s only so much I can do. But sometimes i wish I could take the baby and raise him as my own away from her, so she could finally spend part of her just for herself, not taking care of others.
Also, I don’t have my drivers license, and don’t plan on getting it because the drivers where I live are very bad. We got in a car accident last month, and I’ve felt shaken up in the car ever since. I bring that up because it means i can’t go get stuff for her postpartum, unless I use my electric bike. I would like to be able to help in that way, though.
I just graduated high school, so I’ve been getting lots of money. I’ve been trying to either save it or spend it on the baby and my mom. I also have an internship for June that will make me over 1 or 2,000 dollars I can’t remember. I wanted to give it all to her. Maybe pay part of the hospital bill? I know those are really bad.
She’s also been stressed about money, I think. For some reason, her managers won’t give her shifts. Her partner works at the same place, but since he lives with his mom, he isn’t working and is focusing on pharmacy school stuff. Maybe i’m projecting my own feelings, (Because from time to time i resent them for getting pregnant) but i can imagine she’s upset he isn’t thinking ahead to all the things this baby will need.. all the expenses… etc.
Anyway, that was a lot of rambling, sorry. If anyone has advice for me on how to helpful without getting in the way, please let me know. I need it very much, and it’s eternally appreciated. Even if you just list off things people would’ve helped you with when you were pregnant and postpartum.
She doesn’t like me helping because i’m a (her) kid, but it feels like my duty as the eldest. I might update this if i remember more things but for now :) thank you
2024.05.29 06:35 Emotional_Turnip12 AITAH for demanding my husband to find us another place to stay for the weekend while we visit his dad and sister?
So background: his adult sister moved in with their dad because the bum that my husband and their dad warned her against is abusive, manipulative, and neglectful. (I was in a toxic relationship too so I do get it, I’m not putting all the blame on her) she had a kid from another man, and these two toddler with said bum. Anyways, she’s a pig. Not even the dad wants to stay in the house anymore, he sleeps outside in his car because it’s so disgusting in the house. She does nothing to help her situation, and the dad is the one who has to work to feed everyone. She didn’t want to have her baby dad served papers or anything (whatever it’s called in Mexico) for support for her and the kids. Their dad is 70+ years old, and only works about 3 days a week and has to get other odd jobs to get some sort of money. My husbands sister doesn’t cook, or clean the house. It’s rare. The other day my husbands dad called him and told him that he hasn’t ate since the day before and all day that day, that she didn’t make food and he doesn’t even know if the kids ate at all since there wasn’t signs of a meal being prepared. I get depression, I really do but to let your old father and kids go without eating?? Anyways, every time we go over we always take food and groceries. I don’t mind since I know it’s such a help and relief for them. What I DO MIND is that once I get there, I have to do ALL the house chores. Cleaning up after 8 people by myself. I just had my second baby 2 months ago, and have a 3 year old toddler. I have to put the groceries away, wash the dishes, and cook for everybody because she just doesn’t do anything just smoke. Then she holds my baby while smelling of cigarettes. While I get all the chores done. Not to mention. They have no bathroom, toilet, sink. I have to carry water in a bucket to take a bath, in a metal tin. I have to carry water in a basin basically to wash the dishes. All while taking care of my babies and everyone else. I’m also breastfeeding so it’s too much stress for me. Also, I get not having a toilet and having to go out in the desert to go to the bathroom, (I also grew up without water or electricity) but they do it next to the house. The house is in the corner of the street, so everyone sees tp. Everywhere you go there’s dirty tp. They aren’t mindful of cleaning up after themselves, they let the dogs do it (who are also starving and neglected). When my husbands dad used to live by himself, the house and the yard was always clean and tidy. Now it’s just a nightmare. Last month we stayed a week and I almost went insane. I had no time to go visit my own family in this town because I was stuck in the house everyday doing all the chores or else we wouldn’t have a way to eat. Because I’m breastfeeding I’m constantly hungry and just adding to the list of things you have to do in a normal/tour own household, plus all that was so hard on me. I’m not lazy, if I stay with someone I wouldn’t want to feel like a burden and of course I’d do chores for them, but at this level was insane. Now my husband wants to go back, but I told him if he doesn’t find us another place to stay I won’t go. My husband doesn’t drive or have a license, so if I don’t go he won’t go. I feel like a jerk for basically giving him an ultimatum, but I feel like it isn’t fair to me. This is HIS family, he should deal with it, then he didn’t even help me at all that whole week we stayed. With all the other things I do for him, (he’s basically a big baby) he can’t read, write, drive, pay (use credit and debit cards) I feel like it really isn’t fair. The trip is about a 7 hour drive, and the majority of that I drive until we cross into Mexico then he takes over(but there are still some areas I have to drive since the cars are in my name and I have a license) it’s a tough drive plus with my 2 month old I have to nurse, then to have to deal with that nightmare of his family’s living situation, it’s just so hard on me and all for him to have a good time with his family at my expense. I feel like it just isn’t worth it for me, I win absolutely nothing with these trips. I don’t even have a good time and have time to visit my own family. But I still do feel like I’m being a jerk. Anyways, AITAH?
Edit to add: this weekend we are going, there’s going to be a party in this town. My husbands niece is going with her husband and their 1yo, and also my husbands older sister is going. They’re going to stay with my husbands dad in said house. The house that only has 3 beds, with 2 being used by husbands other sister and her kids. So there really won’t be a comfortable way to stay. Also with the way wveryone has to bathe, you have to bring water in a bucket and bathe in the tin, in the bedroom with the beds. So basically you have to kick everyone out while you bath and get dressed and ready. So with 8+ people having to bathe daily, it could take forever.
submitted by Emotional_Turnip12 to AITAH [link] [comments]
Edit to add: this weekend we are going, there’s going to be a party in this town. My husbands niece is going with her husband and their 1yo, and also my husbands older sister is going. They’re going to stay with my husbands dad in said house. The house that only has 3 beds, with 2 being used by husbands other sister and her kids. So there really won’t be a comfortable way to stay. Also with the way wveryone has to bathe, you have to bring water in a bucket and bathe in the tin, in the bedroom with the beds. So basically you have to kick everyone out while you bath and get dressed and ready. So with 8+ people having to bathe daily, it could take forever.
2024.05.29 06:31 EmotionOk4357 Expert Tips for Hiring Car Carrier Services in Chandigarh
Hiring Car Carrier Services in Chandigarh
Discover essential tips for hiring reliable car carrier services in Chandigarh. Learn how to choose the best service provider, understand the key factors to consider, and ensure the safe transport of your vehicle. From checking credentials to understanding insurance options, our expert guide covers everything you need to know for a hassle-free experience.
submitted by EmotionOk4357 to PackageDelivered [link] [comments]
Discover essential tips for hiring reliable car carrier services in Chandigarh. Learn how to choose the best service provider, understand the key factors to consider, and ensure the safe transport of your vehicle. From checking credentials to understanding insurance options, our expert guide covers everything you need to know for a hassle-free experience.
MoversandPackersInChandigarh
2024.05.29 06:30 a_winters_day I’m about to turn 18, and my single-ish mom is 29 weeks pregnant. How do I help her as much as possible?
advice pregnancy
I’m not quite sure how to start this, but the main goal of this post is to hopefully gain some advice on how to be as much as a help to my mother (39F) as possible, through her third trimester and past postpartum.
For some context, this baby will be my mother’s fourth child, however, he’s her first child with her current boyfriend (35?M). The rest of us have the same father who she was married to for around 18 years, until a few years ago. She has been with her current partner for two years. (Their anniversary was recently)
My father was quite abusive and my mom was left to do most things regarding us children alone, as a very young woman.
I do not want this pregnancy to be anything like that. However, I’m not sure that her current partner is completely ready for this father role. Which is fair, considering this is his first child and this was an accidental pregnancy.
He has yet to move in with us, which I am sure my mother is concerned about, because he has had since December to do so and it is now late May. He is a slow person in general and takes his time, but my mother has expressed to him many times that she would like for him to be moved in as soon as possible. He lives with his mom and brother as a caregiver figure of sorts for his mother (To give him so grace… but it’s barely that). However, we live extremely close and it would be very easy for him to get to her.
This next piece of context is extremely important!! I have a brother (13) who is special needs. He has a chromosome disorder so rare he’s the only person on earth with it. It’s quite hard to explain, but he needs 24/7 supervision. And he’s not easy to manage. Thankfully, he has a caregiver that helps some days of the week. But on the days he doesn’t, he is a lot for my mother to handle. I help the best I can, but I often feel like I can’t do enough to be a good help after her baby is born.
I am constantly researching things about pregnancy, birth, postpartum, babies, and more. I think instagram thinks i’m expecting at this point. But I’m not, and I’ve never been. I don’t know how to help in ways that are worthwhile. What can I do to truly make my mom as happy as possible? And to make this her best pregnancy experience yet?
I clean and make her breakfast (sometimes on breakfast… i tried to make her a snack yesterday and ended up just wasting food, and it’s things like that that make me wonder if I’m making things worse by trying to help. Maybe i’d just be getting in the way) but for some reason i feel like nothing is enough.
I know there’s only so much I can do. But sometimes i wish I could take the baby and raise him as my own away from her, so she could finally spend part of her just for herself, not taking care of others.
Also, I don’t have my drivers license, and don’t plan on getting it because the drivers where I live are very bad. We got in a car accident last month, and I’ve felt shaken up in the car ever since. I bring that up because it means i can’t go get stuff for her postpartum, unless I use my electric bike. I would like to be able to help in that way, though.
I just graduated high school, so I’ve been getting lots of money. I’ve been trying to either save it or spend it on the baby and my mom. I also have an internship for June that will make me over 1 or 2,000 dollars I can’t remember. I wanted to give it all to her. Maybe pay part of the hospital bill? I know those are really bad.
She’s also been stressed about money, I think. For some reason, her managers won’t give her shifts. Her partner works at the same place, but since he lives with his mom, he isn’t working and is focusing on pharmacy school stuff. Maybe i’m projecting my own feelings, (Because from time to time i resent them for getting pregnant) but i can imagine she’s upset he isn’t thinking ahead to all the things this baby will need.. all the expenses… etc.
Anyway, that was a lot of rambling, sorry. If anyone has advice for me on how to helpful without getting in the way, please let me know. I need it very much, and it’s eternally appreciated. Even if you just list off things people would’ve helped you with when you were pregnant and postpartum.
She doesn’t like me helping because i’m a (her) kid, but it feels like my duty as the eldest. I might update this if i remember more things but for now :) thank you
submitted by a_winters_day to u/a_winters_day [link] [comments]
I’m not quite sure how to start this, but the main goal of this post is to hopefully gain some advice on how to be as much as a help to my mother (39F) as possible, through her third trimester and past postpartum.
For some context, this baby will be my mother’s fourth child, however, he’s her first child with her current boyfriend (35?M). The rest of us have the same father who she was married to for around 18 years, until a few years ago. She has been with her current partner for two years. (Their anniversary was recently)
My father was quite abusive and my mom was left to do most things regarding us children alone, as a very young woman.
I do not want this pregnancy to be anything like that. However, I’m not sure that her current partner is completely ready for this father role. Which is fair, considering this is his first child and this was an accidental pregnancy.
He has yet to move in with us, which I am sure my mother is concerned about, because he has had since December to do so and it is now late May. He is a slow person in general and takes his time, but my mother has expressed to him many times that she would like for him to be moved in as soon as possible. He lives with his mom and brother as a caregiver figure of sorts for his mother (To give him so grace… but it’s barely that). However, we live extremely close and it would be very easy for him to get to her.
This next piece of context is extremely important!! I have a brother (13) who is special needs. He has a chromosome disorder so rare he’s the only person on earth with it. It’s quite hard to explain, but he needs 24/7 supervision. And he’s not easy to manage. Thankfully, he has a caregiver that helps some days of the week. But on the days he doesn’t, he is a lot for my mother to handle. I help the best I can, but I often feel like I can’t do enough to be a good help after her baby is born.
I am constantly researching things about pregnancy, birth, postpartum, babies, and more. I think instagram thinks i’m expecting at this point. But I’m not, and I’ve never been. I don’t know how to help in ways that are worthwhile. What can I do to truly make my mom as happy as possible? And to make this her best pregnancy experience yet?
I clean and make her breakfast (sometimes on breakfast… i tried to make her a snack yesterday and ended up just wasting food, and it’s things like that that make me wonder if I’m making things worse by trying to help. Maybe i’d just be getting in the way) but for some reason i feel like nothing is enough.
I know there’s only so much I can do. But sometimes i wish I could take the baby and raise him as my own away from her, so she could finally spend part of her just for herself, not taking care of others.
Also, I don’t have my drivers license, and don’t plan on getting it because the drivers where I live are very bad. We got in a car accident last month, and I’ve felt shaken up in the car ever since. I bring that up because it means i can’t go get stuff for her postpartum, unless I use my electric bike. I would like to be able to help in that way, though.
I just graduated high school, so I’ve been getting lots of money. I’ve been trying to either save it or spend it on the baby and my mom. I also have an internship for June that will make me over 1 or 2,000 dollars I can’t remember. I wanted to give it all to her. Maybe pay part of the hospital bill? I know those are really bad.
She’s also been stressed about money, I think. For some reason, her managers won’t give her shifts. Her partner works at the same place, but since he lives with his mom, he isn’t working and is focusing on pharmacy school stuff. Maybe i’m projecting my own feelings, (Because from time to time i resent them for getting pregnant) but i can imagine she’s upset he isn’t thinking ahead to all the things this baby will need.. all the expenses… etc.
Anyway, that was a lot of rambling, sorry. If anyone has advice for me on how to helpful without getting in the way, please let me know. I need it very much, and it’s eternally appreciated. Even if you just list off things people would’ve helped you with when you were pregnant and postpartum.
She doesn’t like me helping because i’m a (her) kid, but it feels like my duty as the eldest. I might update this if i remember more things but for now :) thank you
2024.05.29 06:27 bigmtnspirit We get married in three weeks and just uninvited MIL & FIL after huge breach of boundaries
For some context we have been engaged for 4 years and share two young children, fiancé is an only child to a narcissist mother and alcoholic father. We live on my family ranch, my parents live about 300 yards from us on the property. In Montana so we don’t use locks 🔐 just 💪🏻
I have been no contact with soon to be MIL for a long time now, my fiancé still had some contact until two days ago, I’m still processing I went on my bachelorette party to another city and MIL knew I had left, she obsessively called, texted and harassed my fiancé to bring our two children to her home for a visit (something we agreed NOT to do) he had been dodging her calls and he didn’t wanna deal with her. While he’s in town running errands with the babies, I’m out of town, my parents notice someone drive up our road and to our house. So my dad, being protective and knowing we aren’t home and live far out of town on private property, goes to investigate. He finds my MIL car in our driveway and he goes inside where he finds her poking around our BEDROOM Wtf she’s makes up some excuse about bringing soup making it sound like my fiancé invited her out. My dad knows this isn’t true and walks her back to her car.
We call her the next day to confront her when I get home, I said “you know you can’t come out here without our invitation ” She replies by laughing and saying “ I knew you would say that, it’s my sons house, he pays the rent I can do what I want” that i’m “uneducated, and trying to control his mind” that I’m a horrible person. 😤🤯 My fiancé gets mad and starts to raise his voice and she hangs up on us. We call her after a few hours to officially go no contact and let her know she cannot attend our upcoming wedding after several insane insults. This was the last straw for my fiancé But obviously this sucks, he’s hurt, we are hurt. He’s the only child and now doesn’t have parents to support our marriage, or just him in general. This is not the stress we needed as we happily enjoyed each other before we finally tied the knot
submitted by bigmtnspirit to JUSTNOMIL [link] [comments]
I have been no contact with soon to be MIL for a long time now, my fiancé still had some contact until two days ago, I’m still processing I went on my bachelorette party to another city and MIL knew I had left, she obsessively called, texted and harassed my fiancé to bring our two children to her home for a visit (something we agreed NOT to do) he had been dodging her calls and he didn’t wanna deal with her. While he’s in town running errands with the babies, I’m out of town, my parents notice someone drive up our road and to our house. So my dad, being protective and knowing we aren’t home and live far out of town on private property, goes to investigate. He finds my MIL car in our driveway and he goes inside where he finds her poking around our BEDROOM Wtf she’s makes up some excuse about bringing soup making it sound like my fiancé invited her out. My dad knows this isn’t true and walks her back to her car.
We call her the next day to confront her when I get home, I said “you know you can’t come out here without our invitation ” She replies by laughing and saying “ I knew you would say that, it’s my sons house, he pays the rent I can do what I want” that i’m “uneducated, and trying to control his mind” that I’m a horrible person. 😤🤯 My fiancé gets mad and starts to raise his voice and she hangs up on us. We call her after a few hours to officially go no contact and let her know she cannot attend our upcoming wedding after several insane insults. This was the last straw for my fiancé But obviously this sucks, he’s hurt, we are hurt. He’s the only child and now doesn’t have parents to support our marriage, or just him in general. This is not the stress we needed as we happily enjoyed each other before we finally tied the knot
2024.05.29 06:11 NationalFeeling1636 Got my family’s cars to get suspended cause of my negligence
I (21F) have been helping my family since I was much younger with paying bills and basically run the family. I don’t offer financial support because I don’t make enough lol but we’re an immigrant family and my parents don’t know any English. Up until three years ago, my dad managed everything like where the money goes and when to pay everything as I translate everything and deal with the online aspect. But after we bought our first house and I started college, he stopped checking in with me on everything and it became my responsibility entirely where the money goes. We barely get by with what we make and it’s already difficult enough for me to do this on my own, worry about college which has been absolute hell for me and my own part time job. He used to be extremely alcoholic and at some point he actually did completely lose it for a while but now that he’s been sober, he wants to blame all the financial troubles on to me. We did accumulate a lot of debt and it’s because we don’t make enough income to fully pay everything off and because I don’t know how to manage all this. It was too much for me to do without any guidance. One of the worst case scenarios happened, I had the car insurance on autopay. Two payments didn’t go through and I didn’t realize. We didn’t have car insurance for two months and now we need to surrender our plates for the 68 days we were not insured. And it’s entirely my fault for not paying attention to the payments. Can’t fight this either because we had a similar issue with autopay about two years ago which we paid the termination fee for. Everything sucks rn and no matter how much I want to shift blame on this, it’s my fault. I was negligent and careless. I cared more about the free time I had that I could use to play games with my friends than double checking if everything was paid. I can’t live this down, I will be having to hear about this failure almost everyday. I failed to get into nursing and I already hear about that almost everyday. I can’t do anything about this guilt and I can’t go back in time to fix this whole mess that I created.
submitted by NationalFeeling1636 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
2024.05.29 06:09 Fantastic-Camp346 AITA for Working Too Much and Causing My Pregnant Wife and Son to Stay with Her Parents?
My (28M) wife (27F) and I have been married for six years, and we have a 5-year-old son. I work as the CFOat my father's company, earning a substantial income, well into the eight figures. My job requires long hours and a high level of commitment. My wife is a stay-at-home mom, a decision we both agreed upon when our son was born.
Lately, my work has been more demanding because of a big project with a tight deadline. For the past three weeks, I've been working late nights and weekends. I know it’s been hard on my wife, but I thought we were managing okay.
Last week, after another late night at the office, I came home to find my wife visibly upset. She told me she feels like a single parent and that our son misses me a lot. She said she’s tired of having dinner alone with him and putting him to bed by herself every night. I tried to explain that this project is temporary and that things will get better soon, but she was too upset to listen.
The next day, she asked if I could reduce my hours or work from home more often. I said I’d see what I could do, but it’s not as simple as it sounds. Despite my high income, we have significant expenses and a lifestyle that relies on my current salary, and I can’t afford to risk my job right now.
Last night, things came to a head. My wife had planned a small family dinner for my birthday, but I got caught up in a last-minute meeting and came home late. When I walked in, she was fuming. She accused me of caring more about my job than about my family. We got into a big fight, with her yelling that she feels like a single parent and me trying to explain that I’m working hard for them and for our future. She didn’t want to hear it and went to bed angry.
The next morning, I woke up to find that she had packed some bags and taken our son to stay with her parents. She left me a note, saying she needed some space and time to think about our relationship. She said she loves me but can’t continue feeling like a single parent while I’m constantly at work. Adding to the strain, my wife is seven months pregnant with our daughter.
This situation is really weighing on me. I love my wife and son more than anything, and it hurts to see them unhappy. I try to make up for lost time by spending quality moments with them whenever I can, but I know it’s not enough. My wife feels like she’s raising our son alone, and I can see how exhausted she is. It’s not fair to her, and it’s not fair to our son, who misses having his dad around.
However, my wife also loves the luxury lifestyle my job provides. We live in a beautiful home, drive luxury cars, and enjoy vacations that many people can only dream of. She’s always told me how much she appreciates these things and doesn’t want that to change.
I’ve thought about ways to find a better balance, like delegating more tasks at work or setting stricter boundaries for myself. I feel caught between my commitment to my job and my commitment to my family.
Honestly, I don’t regret the choices I’ve made to support my family financially. I believe the sacrifices I’m making are necessary to maintain our lifestyle and secure our future. My wife’s current dissatisfaction feels like a temporary hurdle, and I’m confident we can work through it without drastically changing the way we live.
With the recent tension and her leaving, I’ve started to wonder if our values are too different and if this might lead to divorce. It’s a tough thought, especially with our second child on the way, but I’m beginning to think it might be the only way to find some peace and balance in our lives.
AITA for working too much and causing my pregnant wife and son to stay with her parents?
submitted by Fantastic-Camp346 to AITAH [link] [comments]
Lately, my work has been more demanding because of a big project with a tight deadline. For the past three weeks, I've been working late nights and weekends. I know it’s been hard on my wife, but I thought we were managing okay.
Last week, after another late night at the office, I came home to find my wife visibly upset. She told me she feels like a single parent and that our son misses me a lot. She said she’s tired of having dinner alone with him and putting him to bed by herself every night. I tried to explain that this project is temporary and that things will get better soon, but she was too upset to listen.
The next day, she asked if I could reduce my hours or work from home more often. I said I’d see what I could do, but it’s not as simple as it sounds. Despite my high income, we have significant expenses and a lifestyle that relies on my current salary, and I can’t afford to risk my job right now.
Last night, things came to a head. My wife had planned a small family dinner for my birthday, but I got caught up in a last-minute meeting and came home late. When I walked in, she was fuming. She accused me of caring more about my job than about my family. We got into a big fight, with her yelling that she feels like a single parent and me trying to explain that I’m working hard for them and for our future. She didn’t want to hear it and went to bed angry.
The next morning, I woke up to find that she had packed some bags and taken our son to stay with her parents. She left me a note, saying she needed some space and time to think about our relationship. She said she loves me but can’t continue feeling like a single parent while I’m constantly at work. Adding to the strain, my wife is seven months pregnant with our daughter.
This situation is really weighing on me. I love my wife and son more than anything, and it hurts to see them unhappy. I try to make up for lost time by spending quality moments with them whenever I can, but I know it’s not enough. My wife feels like she’s raising our son alone, and I can see how exhausted she is. It’s not fair to her, and it’s not fair to our son, who misses having his dad around.
However, my wife also loves the luxury lifestyle my job provides. We live in a beautiful home, drive luxury cars, and enjoy vacations that many people can only dream of. She’s always told me how much she appreciates these things and doesn’t want that to change.
I’ve thought about ways to find a better balance, like delegating more tasks at work or setting stricter boundaries for myself. I feel caught between my commitment to my job and my commitment to my family.
Honestly, I don’t regret the choices I’ve made to support my family financially. I believe the sacrifices I’m making are necessary to maintain our lifestyle and secure our future. My wife’s current dissatisfaction feels like a temporary hurdle, and I’m confident we can work through it without drastically changing the way we live.
With the recent tension and her leaving, I’ve started to wonder if our values are too different and if this might lead to divorce. It’s a tough thought, especially with our second child on the way, but I’m beginning to think it might be the only way to find some peace and balance in our lives.
AITA for working too much and causing my pregnant wife and son to stay with her parents?
2024.05.29 06:02 leeuterpe NAFFL Tips and Tricks
Hi credit card enthusiasts!
I am waiting for my HSBC gold card and applied for RCBC NAFFL promo.
Both have reach xxxx amount within 60 days.
My plan is to
Thanks for understanding.
submitted by leeuterpe to PHCreditCards [link] [comments]
I am waiting for my HSBC gold card and applied for RCBC NAFFL promo.
Both have reach xxxx amount within 60 days.
My plan is to
- pay meralco on their own app using CC for my household.
- pay meralco on 7/11 or bayad centers using cc for my cousins households
- For converge and PLDT bills, anyone know how to pay them via CC without going to their branches? Mine was being paid via BPI app so it's coming from my debit card.
- Does car insurance renewal count?
Thanks for understanding.
2024.05.29 06:00 Choice_Evidence1983 [New Update]: AITAH for refusing to help my FIL with a vehicle?
I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Chemical-Scarcity964
Originally posted to AITAH
Previous BoRU
[New Update]: AITAH for refusing to help my FIL with a vehicle?
Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, deaths of loved ones, financial struggles, cancer
RECAP
Original Post: December 3, 2023
I (38F) have been married to my husband (43M) for almost 15 years. My FIL has never really accepted me as family. He referred to me as "my son's wife" for the first 5 years of my marriage & when he convinced us to go halves on a property insisted on only his & my husband's names on a survivors deed, "in case we divorced". In the last few years, he has struggled financially due mostly to poor choices he made. His wife, husband's step mom, is much older & has medical problems leading him to choose to work mostly from home. He has traded in vehicles numerous times in the last few years, supposedly trying to lower his payments, but is always upside-down on the loans that it doesn't work. He is paying close to $1000 a month on a minivan. Now here is my problem.
My FIL is currently trying to guilt trip my husband into giving him one of several vehicles I inherited. I had two uncles pass away 3 weeks apart during the holidays more than a year ago & I am still going through the probate process because they passed so close together. I do not have the court's permission to do anything with their vehicles yet.
He told my husband how much it would help him to have one of the vehicles so that he could let his car go back on repo & not have to make the payments. I may have considered it too, if he had waited more than a couple weeks after my both uncles passed away. I was, quite litterally, knee deep in a horders paradise, trying to clean out their apartment within the month to avoid having to pay rent because i couldnt afford it and had no access to their money (strike one). He picked out which vehicle he wanted, the most valuable of the 4, rather than asking if we had plans for them yet (strike two). Then he asked my husband to give him said vehicle (strike three). As a cherry on top, asked my husband again (still has never asked me) to give him a $10k vehicle after we pay for all the little repairs it needs, of course.
Here is where I might me the Asshole: Do I need the vehicle? No. Could I use the money from its sale? Yes, but I could live without it, too, as our finances are better now. Will I sign it over to him? Never. This is far from the first time that man has shown utter disrespect for me & he can pay for rides before I give him any vehicle. Yes, I am probably being a little childish. The only reason I hesitate, I actually like his wife & it would help her to some extent.
Edit to add: My husband has already told me that the vehicles are mine & I can do whatever I want with them.
Since it's been mentioned a few times: he has been bought out on the property & my name added.
Edit for clarity & to address the most common responses: My husband acts as a buffer against FIL for the sake of my sanity. He has told FIL multiple times that the vehicles are not his to do anything with, but the man is intentionally dense. His wife cannot legally own a car as it cannot be registered in her name (no license) I will not loan/rent him a vehicle as I can't trust that he will maintain it.
Relevant Comments
akhoneygirl: Offer him the worst for 3 or 4000!
Good luck!
How does he know what you're inheriting from your uncles. Why does he think he's entitles to any of it?
Update #1: December 11, 2023
You guys asked for an update, so here you go. I have had a long talk with my husband about FIL & his "request" for one of the vehicles I had inherited. I showed him my original post & he got a good laugh out of some of the suggestions (especially the toy car). We have agreed that the only way to handle his constant hints & requests, is for me to draft an email to him. For reference: FIL loves to send me rude & demanding emails when he "feels unheard."
The email will not be sent until I know that probate is done & is as "polite & civil" as I can possibly write it. The jist of the email I typed up is this:
"I understand that you have been asking husband to gift you one of my uncles' vehicles. Unfortunately, you have chosen to speak to the wrong person. I have told you before that, in some things, his business is his & mine is mine. The vehicles that you keep asking about are mine. As such, I have decided that they will be sold at a fair market value. The funds will be split evenly into savings accounts for my daughters, as a seed for their futures. I already have buyers lined up for the vehicles & will be arranging times for them to be collected shortly. I hope you can understand my desire to ensure that my childrens' futures are secure, as my uncles would have wanted."
I am tempted to sign it as "husband's wife" but am undecided right now.
Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous post. Your thoughts & support helped me a lot. I was genuinely on the fence as to whether or not I was being too sensitive about everything. You were all amazing & supportive about the entire mess. I just hope that this email to him puts an end to his covert begging once & for all (at least about this). And yes, my husband is behind me 100% and has no issues with my approach.
A few people have reached out to ask so here it goes.
Everything is finally settled. The vehicles are sold, except one I decided to keep for my oldest to learn on when she gets her permit.
I didn't send my FIL the email, although I do still have it saved. Turns out I won't have to. As of a few weeks ago, I am getting a divorce. My, now stbx, husband decided that he no longer wants to play house. He moved out & I am in the process of packing his things. Since the vehicles and my house were all inherited, he has no claim to them or the money from their sale. Yes I double checked the law in my state. If he would have waited a few more weeks, I would have paid off every debt we had, but he didn't. So he saved me a bunch of money by telling me before I commingled my inheritance funds with joint assets.
I don't know how his family will act towards me & our kids when he finally tells them all. His brother has called to make sure he is still allowed to keep in touch but he is the only one I've heard from so far.
Oh and as a bonus: the week before I found out about my impending divorce, my mother (who I was never close to) was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She passed away a week later. She was 58 years old, the same age my uncles were. So, yeah, it's basically just me & my kids against the world now.
Anyway, that's the update.
Relevant Comments
OOP on moving forward with her life and personal issues going on in her family especially health issues
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to AITAH
Previous BoRU
[New Update]: AITAH for refusing to help my FIL with a vehicle?
Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, deaths of loved ones, financial struggles, cancer
Original Post: December 3, 2023
I (38F) have been married to my husband (43M) for almost 15 years. My FIL has never really accepted me as family. He referred to me as "my son's wife" for the first 5 years of my marriage & when he convinced us to go halves on a property insisted on only his & my husband's names on a survivors deed, "in case we divorced". In the last few years, he has struggled financially due mostly to poor choices he made. His wife, husband's step mom, is much older & has medical problems leading him to choose to work mostly from home. He has traded in vehicles numerous times in the last few years, supposedly trying to lower his payments, but is always upside-down on the loans that it doesn't work. He is paying close to $1000 a month on a minivan. Now here is my problem.
My FIL is currently trying to guilt trip my husband into giving him one of several vehicles I inherited. I had two uncles pass away 3 weeks apart during the holidays more than a year ago & I am still going through the probate process because they passed so close together. I do not have the court's permission to do anything with their vehicles yet.
He told my husband how much it would help him to have one of the vehicles so that he could let his car go back on repo & not have to make the payments. I may have considered it too, if he had waited more than a couple weeks after my both uncles passed away. I was, quite litterally, knee deep in a horders paradise, trying to clean out their apartment within the month to avoid having to pay rent because i couldnt afford it and had no access to their money (strike one). He picked out which vehicle he wanted, the most valuable of the 4, rather than asking if we had plans for them yet (strike two). Then he asked my husband to give him said vehicle (strike three). As a cherry on top, asked my husband again (still has never asked me) to give him a $10k vehicle after we pay for all the little repairs it needs, of course.
Here is where I might me the Asshole: Do I need the vehicle? No. Could I use the money from its sale? Yes, but I could live without it, too, as our finances are better now. Will I sign it over to him? Never. This is far from the first time that man has shown utter disrespect for me & he can pay for rides before I give him any vehicle. Yes, I am probably being a little childish. The only reason I hesitate, I actually like his wife & it would help her to some extent.
Edit to add: My husband has already told me that the vehicles are mine & I can do whatever I want with them.
Since it's been mentioned a few times: he has been bought out on the property & my name added.
Edit for clarity & to address the most common responses: My husband acts as a buffer against FIL for the sake of my sanity. He has told FIL multiple times that the vehicles are not his to do anything with, but the man is intentionally dense. His wife cannot legally own a car as it cannot be registered in her name (no license) I will not loan/rent him a vehicle as I can't trust that he will maintain it.
Relevant Comments
akhoneygirl: Offer him the worst for 3 or 4000!
OP: That's part of it. He wants us to fix & give him the vehicle. All of them need at least a few hundred in repairs. He has no interest in paying us for anything. He is just set on guilt tripping his son. My husband has told me everything from the start & said it's all up to me, my uncles, my vehicles, my decision.SawwhetMA: So FIL set you up to lose out on a property if your SO passed away before FIL did? I'm glad to hear you bought him out and that's set now . If you find it in your heart to give him one of the vehicles then you may be a better person than I because I'm not sure if I could, given the history. What if (when probate is set and all) you offer to rent him one of the vehicles? Obviously that isn't what he wants, but you'd get some income but still own it to sell it when he was done with the vehicle?
Good luck!
OP: He would run it into the ground & I would end up having to go get it when he refused to pay. It's just frustrating because I like his wife & would consider doing it to help her, if he would just man up & ask. Instead, he tries to play the poor me card.Dixieland_Insanity: INFO:
How does he know what you're inheriting from your uncles. Why does he think he's entitles to any of it?
OP: He knew my uncles fairly well since they were basically the last of my family. He doesn't really know what the full inheritance is, but the vehicles were the most obvious. He has told him no a couple of times. Everything FIL gets tight on funds he asks again.Cdn_Giants_Fan: Not The A•H. But that said I would probably sell him one of the vehicles for its bluebook value and say pay 100 bucks a week. And if he says anything about it saybthat perhaps if you weren't such an asshat to me I would've just let you have it. Then if he starts being nice after it's partially paid off tell him hes good. He learns a lesson and you earn some money.
OP: I would never see a dime. He thinks that being "the father" means he is owed something from my husband and, by extension, me. Honestly, even if he offered me full value in cash, I would probably laugh at him & tell him to shove off.VadersLoversLover: Gift it to your MIL with a lien on it so he can’t change to title.
OP: Due to a medical issue, she can't drive and had to surrender her license. That makes it impossible to register it in her name because she can't be insured as a driver.
Update #1: December 11, 2023
You guys asked for an update, so here you go. I have had a long talk with my husband about FIL & his "request" for one of the vehicles I had inherited. I showed him my original post & he got a good laugh out of some of the suggestions (especially the toy car). We have agreed that the only way to handle his constant hints & requests, is for me to draft an email to him. For reference: FIL loves to send me rude & demanding emails when he "feels unheard."
The email will not be sent until I know that probate is done & is as "polite & civil" as I can possibly write it. The jist of the email I typed up is this:
"I understand that you have been asking husband to gift you one of my uncles' vehicles. Unfortunately, you have chosen to speak to the wrong person. I have told you before that, in some things, his business is his & mine is mine. The vehicles that you keep asking about are mine. As such, I have decided that they will be sold at a fair market value. The funds will be split evenly into savings accounts for my daughters, as a seed for their futures. I already have buyers lined up for the vehicles & will be arranging times for them to be collected shortly. I hope you can understand my desire to ensure that my childrens' futures are secure, as my uncles would have wanted."
I am tempted to sign it as "husband's wife" but am undecided right now.
Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous post. Your thoughts & support helped me a lot. I was genuinely on the fence as to whether or not I was being too sensitive about everything. You were all amazing & supportive about the entire mess. I just hope that this email to him puts an end to his covert begging once & for all (at least about this). And yes, my husband is behind me 100% and has no issues with my approach.
----NEW UPDATE----
Final Update: May 22, 2024 (five months later)A few people have reached out to ask so here it goes.
Everything is finally settled. The vehicles are sold, except one I decided to keep for my oldest to learn on when she gets her permit.
I didn't send my FIL the email, although I do still have it saved. Turns out I won't have to. As of a few weeks ago, I am getting a divorce. My, now stbx, husband decided that he no longer wants to play house. He moved out & I am in the process of packing his things. Since the vehicles and my house were all inherited, he has no claim to them or the money from their sale. Yes I double checked the law in my state. If he would have waited a few more weeks, I would have paid off every debt we had, but he didn't. So he saved me a bunch of money by telling me before I commingled my inheritance funds with joint assets.
I don't know how his family will act towards me & our kids when he finally tells them all. His brother has called to make sure he is still allowed to keep in touch but he is the only one I've heard from so far.
Oh and as a bonus: the week before I found out about my impending divorce, my mother (who I was never close to) was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She passed away a week later. She was 58 years old, the same age my uncles were. So, yeah, it's basically just me & my kids against the world now.
Anyway, that's the update.
Relevant Comments
OOP on moving forward with her life and personal issues going on in her family especially health issues
OOP: Thank you. Its kinda sad that your kind words are enough to make me want to cry because it's expected that I am the strong one for everyone else. I don't really get to give myself time to be weak. And you are right. If it were not for my kids, I probably would have been completely broken.
My uncles had other health problems, no cancer at all that I know of & most of our family lived into their 70s and 80s. I am definitely working on getting my little health concerns checked out, though.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.05.29 05:59 MoreMotivation This is probably the most painful 😂 emoji he's ever posted
 | submitted by MoreMotivation to EnoughMuskSpam [link] [comments] |
2024.05.29 05:57 tempmailgenerator Understanding Java's Argument Passing Mechanism
Exploring Java's Core Concepts
Java's handling of data and method arguments is a fundamental aspect that affects how programmers write and understand code. At the heart of this discussion lies the question: Is Java "pass-by-reference" or "pass-by-value"? This question is not just academic; it influences the design and efficiency of Java applications. Understanding the distinction and its implications is crucial for developers aiming to manipulate objects and primitives effectively in Java. The way Java treats variable passing under the hood can lead to different outcomes in code execution, affecting everything from variable manipulation to object-oriented programming practices.The confusion often arises from Java's ability to manipulate objects, leading some to believe it operates on a pass-by-reference model. However, the reality is more nuanced, affecting how functions and methods interact with data. Clarifying this concept is essential for debugging, optimizing, and writing efficient Java code. By dissecting Java's argument passing mechanism, developers can gain insights into the language's behavior, allowing for more precise control over program flow and state management, ultimately leading to more robust and maintainable applications.
| Command | Description |
|---|---|
| int, Object | Primitive data type and object declaration in Java. |
| System.out.println() | Method to print messages to the console. |
| new | Keyword to create new objects. |
Delving Deeper into Java's Argument Passing
In Java, understanding the distinction between pass-by-value and pass-by-reference is crucial for developers, as it fundamentally influences how methods interact with arguments, be they primitives or objects. Java strictly follows the pass-by-value paradigm. This means when a variable is passed to a method, a new copy of that variable is created and used inside the method. For primitive types, such as int or double, this concept is straightforward. A copy of the value is made, and any modifications to this value within the method do not affect the original value outside the method. This behavior ensures the integrity of the original data, allowing developers to operate with the assurance that their variables outside the method scope remain unchanged.However, confusion often arises when dealing with objects. While Java still uses pass-by-value for objects, what gets passed by value is the reference to the object, not the object itself. This subtle but crucial distinction means that when an object is passed to a method, the method receives a copy of the reference pointing to the same object in memory. Therefore, while the reference itself is a copy, any modifications made to the object's attributes via this reference will affect the original object. This behavior often leads to the misconception that Java uses pass-by-reference for objects. Understanding this mechanism is vital for developers to effectively manage memory and manipulate object data within their Java applications.
Understanding Pass-by-Value with Primitives
Java programming languagepublic class Test { public static void main(String[] args) { int a = 10; incrementValue(a); System.out.println(a); } public static void incrementValue(int number) { number = number + 1; } } Demonstrating Pass-by-Value with Objects
Java code snippetpublic class Car { int speed; } public class Test { public static void main(String[] args) { Car myCar = new Car(); myCar.speed = 10; increaseSpeed(myCar); System.out.println(myCar.speed); } public static void increaseSpeed(Car car) { car.speed = car.speed + 10; } } Clarifying Java's Pass-by-Value and Pass-by-Reference Mechanisms
The concept of pass-by-value versus pass-by-reference in Java is pivotal for understanding how information is transferred between methods and variables within a program. Java's strict adherence to pass-by-value means that when a variable is passed to a method, a copy of the variable is created for use within that method's scope. This principle applies universally across Java, regardless of whether the data type is primitive or an object. For primitives, this mechanism is straightforward: the method operates on a copy, leaving the original value untouched. This ensures that changes made within the method do not inadvertently alter the program's state outside the method's scope.When dealing with objects, the nuance of Java's pass-by-value becomes more apparent. Although it might seem like objects are passed by reference, Java actually passes a copy of the object's reference. This distinction is crucial. It means any modifications to the object's attributes through this copied reference will reflect on the original object, as both references point to the same memory location. However, if the reference itself is changed within the method, this does not affect the original reference. This understanding is essential for managing memory effectively and manipulating object-oriented data structures in Java applications, ensuring developers can predict and control how data moves through their applications.
Common Questions on Java's Pass-by-Value System
- Question: Is Java pass-by-value or pass-by-reference?
- Answer: Java is strictly pass-by-value, copying the variable's value for primitives or the reference value for objects when passed to methods.
- Question: How does pass-by-value affect primitive types in Java?
- Answer: For primitive types, pass-by-value means any changes to the variable within a method do not affect the original variable outside the method.
- Question: Does Java pass objects by reference?
- Answer: No, Java passes a copy of the reference to the object, not the object itself, maintaining the pass-by-value paradigm.
- Question: What is the implication of pass-by-value for object modifications?
- Answer: Modifications to an object's attributes via its reference affect the original object, since the copied reference points to the same object in memory.
- Question: Can changing the reference within a method affect the original reference?
- Answer: No, changing the reference to point to a new object within the method does not affect the original reference outside the method.
- Question: How can one ensure data integrity when passing objects to methods in Java?
- Answer: Understanding that objects are passed by copying the reference can help manage how and when data is modified, ensuring integrity.
- Question: Does pass-by-value affect performance in Java?
- Answer: Pass-by-value can affect performance, especially when large objects are involved, due to the need to copy object references.
- Question: How does Java handle method overloading with pass-by-value?
- Answer: Method overloading is unaffected by pass-by-value, as it depends on the method's signature rather than how values are passed.
- Question: Can pass-by-value lead to unexpected behavior in Java?
- Answer: Without proper understanding, it might lead to unexpected behavior, especially when modifying object attributes thinking it's pass-by-reference.
- Question: How can developers work effectively with Java's pass-by-value system?
- Answer: Developers should be mindful of the pass-by-value nature, especially when dealing with objects, to manage memory and data flow effectively.
Wrapping Up Java's Pass-by-Value Discussion
Java's approach to handling data through pass-by-value is a cornerstone concept that influences the behavior of both primitives and objects within the language. This article has dissected the nuances of how Java processes variables and references passed to methods, highlighting the importance of understanding this mechanism for effective programming. Despite common misconceptions, Java's consistent use of pass-by-value for both primitives and objects—via copying the reference, not the object itself—ensures that developers must be meticulous in how they manage memory and manipulate data. Grasping this concept is not just about adhering to Java's syntax but about embracing a methodology that enhances code maintainability, efficiency, and predictability. The clarity provided on this topic aims to empower developers with the knowledge to navigate Java's intricacies confidently, fostering a deeper comprehension of how Java's design principles affect day-to-day coding and overall application architecture.https://www.tempmail.us.com/en/java/understanding-java-s-argument-passing-mechanism
2024.05.29 05:57 mrboxh3ad I recently changed my recovery number but it still wants to verify with my old one.
So I recently recovered my old gmail account. Of course wghen I recovered it it asked if I wanted to change my password and I clicked yes. It took me through if I wanted to change my phone number and email which of course I changed to my new number and email. All of this happened without a hitch, I was able to log into my old gmail account, but I couldn't change my password. I went into my account and tried to change the password there, I click forgot and confirm my gmail. Then, for no reason at all, it decides to pull up a window with "Your recovery phone recently changed
If you still use your previous recovery phone, Google can send a verification code to (number). Charges from your carrier may apply."
...What? Why would I change my fuckking phone number if I still used the damn number. So how to hell am I supposed to recover my account? What were they even thinking withg this security measure? All it does is waste my damn time. Is there any way to fix this? Thanks.
submitted by mrboxh3ad to GMail [link] [comments]
If you still use your previous recovery phone, Google can send a verification code to (number). Charges from your carrier may apply."
...What? Why would I change my fuckking phone number if I still used the damn number. So how to hell am I supposed to recover my account? What were they even thinking withg this security measure? All it does is waste my damn time. Is there any way to fix this? Thanks.
2024.05.29 05:56 Fillasophical Need hope
For about 2 years I have done nothing. I have been unemployed and have had an income through government supports which i no longer have and have lost my house my cats and my girlfriend. In December I stopped taking my medications because I was sure they were causing my issues. It seems like all my issues sky rocketed once I took risperidone for a few months. I feel like I have no personality, no thoughts, no feelings, except rage and distress. My life feels like a constant state of being in agony in my mind. I read and read and read and all I come to find is that apathy is permanent and you can't get rid of it. If this is the case why should I keep on living. What life is this? I can't do anything because I don't know what to do or rather I think why do anything. If my existence as a human is lacking the part what makes it a human experience then why do I exist. My whole life ive been babied. Mother paying my bills when I cant and making appointments for me and what not.
Ive spent so much time on NPD or ASPD or schizoid or AvPD that I'm convinced I have some sort of cluster b personality disorder and all I can think of is why would I even try to live my life when I am nothing more than a walking pathology and don't really have a personality just a brain that works off IF statements like a line of code.
People get to experience life without having to second guess themselves all the time but that's the only thing I can do, to the point where i simply don't do anything because I'm not really doing anything I'm just acting.
I cold turkeryed lamotragine, sertraline and this other medications for sleep, I can't even remember what I was on and now I feel like I have brain damage. I can't think I can't enjoy anything I cant feel love for anyone, but I also wonder if I ever did. And it's debilitating, I constantly wonder If I ever was someone with a "soul" or if I have always been just a robot with a reactionary function to the world. If this person says this then say this back. Everything seems so fake and unreal and I honestly think I have a block in-between my brain and reality.
When I got evicted I moved into my friends parents place where he stays and now I'm stuck and can't stand it anymore. Was he even my friend though or just someone who also partied alot. I don't want to be around people I don't want to have to explain to these Christians that I can't just go to church and be cured and that my depression is a choice. For the past 2 years I've been stuck in some purgatory state and it doesn't make any sense how any living being could even feel this way. It's literally hell on earth.
I cant move out because I don't have an income and I can't get an income because in all honesty If I had a job I would quit after a week. 1 year ago I almost had a job and I did an interview and the first day of work on the way there I turned around went home and blocked all the phone numbers associated with it.
I cant get supports because by the time I'm half way through the process I realize nothing matters reality isn't real my thoughts are fake I'm a psychopath anyway so why would I bother. I applied in December and didn't follow up and just did it again. 2 weeks ago.
When I graduated in 2019 I was drinking every weekend and in 2021 started trying drugs with my best friend, we did mushrooms and acid a couple times and a few times molly on the weekends. I've been drinking since grade 9, not every weekend but any chance I could, every party, every family event and holiday. Around 2020 I became a pothead and I would smoke insane amounts of weed, some days I smoked 3.5 grams a day some days I smoked 7 grams a day but more or less from 2020 to 2023 I would smoke non stop with no breaks unless around peopoe who disaproved, waking up in the night to smoke ,sometimes twice. I also took shrooms every like 3 months for a year or so and would be able to say that I've done them 3 times a year atleast from 2020 to 2023. All while being on these meds that I have been convince are neurotoxic and designed to give you brain damage. Oh and I've tried cocaine 3 times in the last year aswell. Never did much of it tho.
So I've lost all hope in living a life that is human. I feel void of myself I don't know who I am, I constantly feel like I'm pretending and acting to be human and can't connect with anyone and they would never know I feel this way.
The past 2 years I have don't nothing but sit at home with my blinds closed and hope no one is going to knock on my door as I sit for I hours a day staring at my phone googling and resding reddit and coming to the conclusion that I have some sort of psychosis or skitzophrenia or paranoia. My friends will call and I'll watch it ring until it stops and won't reply to my family. Because whats the point in trying to be human when I am no longer a human thanks to the cognitive issues I have to face.
And there's no hope online. You have anhedonia? It's the same everywhere I look, people replying to other people's posts or articles with "same here been 20 years now." So what's the point. How am I to know if it's depression or ASPD or NPD or Permanent Apathy from being chronically staring at my phone since I was 14 and watching gore and porn since I was that age. There's no knowing, there's no certainty in my own cognition or personality, not that i have one anymore. It's like do I have this cluster b? Who knows because if I did I wouldn't let a therapist know because I'm scared I do so I don't touch on it. Everything is a loop and a pardox of mental illnesses. I should have never read anything and I could have just been like "yup I'm depressed" now I have to worry if I should even try.
I moved to this place I'm in in december and just threw all my belongings in a room and I walked over everything until a couple weeks ago I threw out thousands of dollars worth of stuff because it's in the way and I dont have my own place anymore so things don't have a designated place. Threw out my computer, my tv, my model cars and all the model building supplies I had, airbrushes compressors hundreds of paints and brushes and clamps and just so much shit because those are people things let alone the human aspect of putting them somewhere.
Now I have cloths and a phone so running away will be easier. But where to go? Food costs money, I'm just tired of not feeling like a human and realizing everything I owned was just part of the act anyway. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. It's all that goes through my head all day long even if I did I wouldn't know it because I'm too far gone and it would be second guessed. I've now hyperfocused on the fact that laying down and staring at my phone for 2 years straight has, if not amplified, solidified my brain damage beyond repair. Because I feel nothing all day I just stare at my phone. But I can't do that anymore because now I'm expected to be a human in this household that I no longer want to be in. I'm completely isolated and I prefer that but I don't but I do but I don't but I do. It's like I want to be able to have friends and connect with someone but that's impossible because I'm just some empty emotionless husk with pure apathy and so I don't know what to do anymore.
I could get back on meds but isn't that the cause of this. The chemical lobotomy at its finest, causing you to need more of itself.
I dont see any hope anywhere because I want to be someone who has emotions but I have none and I want to be someone who has a human experience but I am not one. What do I do? Suicide? No there's ways to cope. I don't want to cope. What the fuck? You think coping with hell on earth is better than dieing? Why would I cope when all I have then is to look around at the world going "oh look that person feels this, thats something I can't do" because that's all that goes in inside.
I just say what I think someone is expecting to hear and then I think we'll isn't that what everyone is doing? Their all saying the same shit anyway but then I think we'll no they say what they say because they feel a certain way. Something I can't do, feel. Because im a sociopath. Being out if this household could help I'm sure but that's not even fathomable. Even with supports at max I can't afford a ppace of my own. I'd have to rent a room with a stranger, but it's funny because even those who aren't strangers are strangers now.
I shower once a week because why would I shower that's a human thing. I am not human anymore. I am void of humanity.
23 and dead. Who would have thought.
No one understands any of this so I just say I'm depressed and they think i shoukd try therapy and meds. Whats that going to do? Give my sociopathic brain the ability to not be a sociopath? If only they knew what distress and pain I feel every second of every day.
Ontop of all that even I was able to come back to myself it's just constant ocd of where should I place this and when or what or where should I do and what's the most optimized way to do this or that and why is that there instead of here and how do I know if here or there is better.
So now I guess I'll go back on ssris, and go back to thinking I'm poisoning myself and then repeat this cycle until death.
I'm just gonna run away and start stealing to eat because nothing matters anyway
submitted by Fillasophical to anhedonia [link] [comments]
Ive spent so much time on NPD or ASPD or schizoid or AvPD that I'm convinced I have some sort of cluster b personality disorder and all I can think of is why would I even try to live my life when I am nothing more than a walking pathology and don't really have a personality just a brain that works off IF statements like a line of code.
People get to experience life without having to second guess themselves all the time but that's the only thing I can do, to the point where i simply don't do anything because I'm not really doing anything I'm just acting.
I cold turkeryed lamotragine, sertraline and this other medications for sleep, I can't even remember what I was on and now I feel like I have brain damage. I can't think I can't enjoy anything I cant feel love for anyone, but I also wonder if I ever did. And it's debilitating, I constantly wonder If I ever was someone with a "soul" or if I have always been just a robot with a reactionary function to the world. If this person says this then say this back. Everything seems so fake and unreal and I honestly think I have a block in-between my brain and reality.
When I got evicted I moved into my friends parents place where he stays and now I'm stuck and can't stand it anymore. Was he even my friend though or just someone who also partied alot. I don't want to be around people I don't want to have to explain to these Christians that I can't just go to church and be cured and that my depression is a choice. For the past 2 years I've been stuck in some purgatory state and it doesn't make any sense how any living being could even feel this way. It's literally hell on earth.
I cant move out because I don't have an income and I can't get an income because in all honesty If I had a job I would quit after a week. 1 year ago I almost had a job and I did an interview and the first day of work on the way there I turned around went home and blocked all the phone numbers associated with it.
I cant get supports because by the time I'm half way through the process I realize nothing matters reality isn't real my thoughts are fake I'm a psychopath anyway so why would I bother. I applied in December and didn't follow up and just did it again. 2 weeks ago.
When I graduated in 2019 I was drinking every weekend and in 2021 started trying drugs with my best friend, we did mushrooms and acid a couple times and a few times molly on the weekends. I've been drinking since grade 9, not every weekend but any chance I could, every party, every family event and holiday. Around 2020 I became a pothead and I would smoke insane amounts of weed, some days I smoked 3.5 grams a day some days I smoked 7 grams a day but more or less from 2020 to 2023 I would smoke non stop with no breaks unless around peopoe who disaproved, waking up in the night to smoke ,sometimes twice. I also took shrooms every like 3 months for a year or so and would be able to say that I've done them 3 times a year atleast from 2020 to 2023. All while being on these meds that I have been convince are neurotoxic and designed to give you brain damage. Oh and I've tried cocaine 3 times in the last year aswell. Never did much of it tho.
So I've lost all hope in living a life that is human. I feel void of myself I don't know who I am, I constantly feel like I'm pretending and acting to be human and can't connect with anyone and they would never know I feel this way.
The past 2 years I have don't nothing but sit at home with my blinds closed and hope no one is going to knock on my door as I sit for I hours a day staring at my phone googling and resding reddit and coming to the conclusion that I have some sort of psychosis or skitzophrenia or paranoia. My friends will call and I'll watch it ring until it stops and won't reply to my family. Because whats the point in trying to be human when I am no longer a human thanks to the cognitive issues I have to face.
And there's no hope online. You have anhedonia? It's the same everywhere I look, people replying to other people's posts or articles with "same here been 20 years now." So what's the point. How am I to know if it's depression or ASPD or NPD or Permanent Apathy from being chronically staring at my phone since I was 14 and watching gore and porn since I was that age. There's no knowing, there's no certainty in my own cognition or personality, not that i have one anymore. It's like do I have this cluster b? Who knows because if I did I wouldn't let a therapist know because I'm scared I do so I don't touch on it. Everything is a loop and a pardox of mental illnesses. I should have never read anything and I could have just been like "yup I'm depressed" now I have to worry if I should even try.
I moved to this place I'm in in december and just threw all my belongings in a room and I walked over everything until a couple weeks ago I threw out thousands of dollars worth of stuff because it's in the way and I dont have my own place anymore so things don't have a designated place. Threw out my computer, my tv, my model cars and all the model building supplies I had, airbrushes compressors hundreds of paints and brushes and clamps and just so much shit because those are people things let alone the human aspect of putting them somewhere.
Now I have cloths and a phone so running away will be easier. But where to go? Food costs money, I'm just tired of not feeling like a human and realizing everything I owned was just part of the act anyway. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. It's all that goes through my head all day long even if I did I wouldn't know it because I'm too far gone and it would be second guessed. I've now hyperfocused on the fact that laying down and staring at my phone for 2 years straight has, if not amplified, solidified my brain damage beyond repair. Because I feel nothing all day I just stare at my phone. But I can't do that anymore because now I'm expected to be a human in this household that I no longer want to be in. I'm completely isolated and I prefer that but I don't but I do but I don't but I do. It's like I want to be able to have friends and connect with someone but that's impossible because I'm just some empty emotionless husk with pure apathy and so I don't know what to do anymore.
I could get back on meds but isn't that the cause of this. The chemical lobotomy at its finest, causing you to need more of itself.
I dont see any hope anywhere because I want to be someone who has emotions but I have none and I want to be someone who has a human experience but I am not one. What do I do? Suicide? No there's ways to cope. I don't want to cope. What the fuck? You think coping with hell on earth is better than dieing? Why would I cope when all I have then is to look around at the world going "oh look that person feels this, thats something I can't do" because that's all that goes in inside.
I just say what I think someone is expecting to hear and then I think we'll isn't that what everyone is doing? Their all saying the same shit anyway but then I think we'll no they say what they say because they feel a certain way. Something I can't do, feel. Because im a sociopath. Being out if this household could help I'm sure but that's not even fathomable. Even with supports at max I can't afford a ppace of my own. I'd have to rent a room with a stranger, but it's funny because even those who aren't strangers are strangers now.
I shower once a week because why would I shower that's a human thing. I am not human anymore. I am void of humanity.
23 and dead. Who would have thought.
No one understands any of this so I just say I'm depressed and they think i shoukd try therapy and meds. Whats that going to do? Give my sociopathic brain the ability to not be a sociopath? If only they knew what distress and pain I feel every second of every day.
Ontop of all that even I was able to come back to myself it's just constant ocd of where should I place this and when or what or where should I do and what's the most optimized way to do this or that and why is that there instead of here and how do I know if here or there is better.
So now I guess I'll go back on ssris, and go back to thinking I'm poisoning myself and then repeat this cycle until death.
I'm just gonna run away and start stealing to eat because nothing matters anyway
2024.05.29 05:56 Fillasophical Need hope
For about 2 years I have done nothing. I have been unemployed and have had an income through government supports which i no longer have and have lost my house my cats and my girlfriend. In December I stopped taking my medications because I was sure they were causing my issues. It seems like all my issues sky rocketed once I took risperidone for a few months. I feel like I have no personality, no thoughts, no feelings, except rage and distress. My life feels like a constant state of being in agony in my mind. I read and read and read and all I come to find is that apathy is permanent and you can't get rid of it. If this is the case why should I keep on living. What life is this? I can't do anything because I don't know what to do or rather I think why do anything. If my existence as a human is lacking the part what makes it a human experience then why do I exist. My whole life ive been babied. Mother paying my bills when I cant and making appointments for me and what not.
Ive spent so much time on NPD or ASPD or schizoid or AvPD that I'm convinced I have some sort of cluster b personality disorder and all I can think of is why would I even try to live my life when I am nothing more than a walking pathology and don't really have a personality just a brain that works off IF statements like a line of code.
People get to experience life without having to second guess themselves all the time but that's the only thing I can do, to the point where i simply don't do anything because I'm not really doing anything I'm just acting.
I cold turkeryed lamotragine, sertraline and this other medications for sleep, I can't even remember what I was on and now I feel like I have brain damage. I can't think I can't enjoy anything I cant feel love for anyone, but I also wonder if I ever did. And it's debilitating, I constantly wonder If I ever was someone with a "soul" or if I have always been just a robot with a reactionary function to the world. If this person says this then say this back. Everything seems so fake and unreal and I honestly think I have a block in-between my brain and reality.
When I got evicted I moved into my friends parents place where he stays and now I'm stuck and can't stand it anymore. Was he even my friend though or just someone who also partied alot. I don't want to be around people I don't want to have to explain to these Christians that I can't just go to church and be cured and that my depression is a choice. For the past 2 years I've been stuck in some purgatory state and it doesn't make any sense how any living being could even feel this way. It's literally hell on earth.
I cant move out because I don't have an income and I can't get an income because in all honesty If I had a job I would quit after a week. 1 year ago I almost had a job and I did an interview and the first day of work on the way there I turned around went home and blocked all the phone numbers associated with it.
I cant get supports because by the time I'm half way through the process I realize nothing matters reality isn't real my thoughts are fake I'm a psychopath anyway so why would I bother. I applied in December and didn't follow up and just did it again. 2 weeks ago.
When I graduated in 2019 I was drinking every weekend and in 2021 started trying drugs with my best friend, we did mushrooms and acid a couple times and a few times molly on the weekends. I've been drinking since grade 9, not every weekend but any chance I could, every party, every family event and holiday. Around 2020 I became a pothead and I would smoke insane amounts of weed, some days I smoked 3.5 grams a day some days I smoked 7 grams a day but more or less from 2020 to 2023 I would smoke non stop with no breaks unless around peopoe who disaproved, waking up in the night to smoke ,sometimes twice. I also took shrooms every like 3 months for a year or so and would be able to say that I've done them 3 times a year atleast from 2020 to 2023. All while being on these meds that I have been convince are neurotoxic and designed to give you brain damage. Oh and I've tried cocaine 3 times in the last year aswell. Never did much of it tho.
So I've lost all hope in living a life that is human. I feel void of myself I don't know who I am, I constantly feel like I'm pretending and acting to be human and can't connect with anyone and they would never know I feel this way.
The past 2 years I have don't nothing but sit at home with my blinds closed and hope no one is going to knock on my door as I sit for I hours a day staring at my phone googling and resding reddit and coming to the conclusion that I have some sort of psychosis or skitzophrenia or paranoia. My friends will call and I'll watch it ring until it stops and won't reply to my family. Because whats the point in trying to be human when I am no longer a human thanks to the cognitive issues I have to face.
And there's no hope online. You have anhedonia? It's the same everywhere I look, people replying to other people's posts or articles with "same here been 20 years now." So what's the point. How am I to know if it's depression or ASPD or NPD or Permanent Apathy from being chronically staring at my phone since I was 14 and watching gore and porn since I was that age. There's no knowing, there's no certainty in my own cognition or personality, not that i have one anymore. It's like do I have this cluster b? Who knows because if I did I wouldn't let a therapist know because I'm scared I do so I don't touch on it. Everything is a loop and a pardox of mental illnesses. I should have never read anything and I could have just been like "yup I'm depressed" now I have to worry if I should even try.
I moved to this place I'm in in december and just threw all my belongings in a room and I walked over everything until a couple weeks ago I threw out thousands of dollars worth of stuff because it's in the way and I dont have my own place anymore so things don't have a designated place. Threw out my computer, my tv, my model cars and all the model building supplies I had, airbrushes compressors hundreds of paints and brushes and clamps and just so much shit because those are people things let alone the human aspect of putting them somewhere.
Now I have cloths and a phone so running away will be easier. But where to go? Food costs money, I'm just tired of not feeling like a human and realizing everything I owned was just part of the act anyway. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. It's all that goes through my head all day long even if I did I wouldn't know it because I'm too far gone and it would be second guessed. I've now hyperfocused on the fact that laying down and staring at my phone for 2 years straight has, if not amplified, solidified my brain damage beyond repair. Because I feel nothing all day I just stare at my phone. But I can't do that anymore because now I'm expected to be a human in this household that I no longer want to be in. I'm completely isolated and I prefer that but I don't but I do but I don't but I do. It's like I want to be able to have friends and connect with someone but that's impossible because I'm just some empty emotionless husk with pure apathy and so I don't know what to do anymore.
I could get back on meds but isn't that the cause of this. The chemical lobotomy at its finest, causing you to need more of itself.
I dont see any hope anywhere because I want to be someone who has emotions but I have none and I want to be someone who has a human experience but I am not one. What do I do? Suicide? No there's ways to cope. I don't want to cope. What the fuck? You think coping with hell on earth is better than dieing? Why would I cope when all I have then is to look around at the world going "oh look that person feels this, thats something I can't do" because that's all that goes in inside.
I just say what I think someone is expecting to hear and then I think we'll isn't that what everyone is doing? Their all saying the same shit anyway but then I think we'll no they say what they say because they feel a certain way. Something I can't do, feel. Because im a sociopath. Being out if this household could help I'm sure but that's not even fathomable. Even with supports at max I can't afford a ppace of my own. I'd have to rent a room with a stranger, but it's funny because even those who aren't strangers are strangers now.
I shower once a week because why would I shower that's a human thing. I am not human anymore. I am void of humanity.
23 and dead. Who would have thought.
No one understands any of this so I just say I'm depressed and they think i shoukd try therapy and meds. Whats that going to do? Give my sociopathic brain the ability to not be a sociopath? If only they knew what distress and pain I feel every second of every day.
Ontop of all that even I was able to come back to myself it's just constant ocd of where should I place this and when or what or where should I do and what's the most optimized way to do this or that and why is that there instead of here and how do I know if here or there is better.
So now I guess I'll go back on ssris, and go back to thinking I'm poisoning myself and then repeat this cycle until death.
I'm just gonna run away and start stealing to eat because nothing matters anyway
submitted by Fillasophical to anhedonia [link] [comments]
Ive spent so much time on NPD or ASPD or schizoid or AvPD that I'm convinced I have some sort of cluster b personality disorder and all I can think of is why would I even try to live my life when I am nothing more than a walking pathology and don't really have a personality just a brain that works off IF statements like a line of code.
People get to experience life without having to second guess themselves all the time but that's the only thing I can do, to the point where i simply don't do anything because I'm not really doing anything I'm just acting.
I cold turkeryed lamotragine, sertraline and this other medications for sleep, I can't even remember what I was on and now I feel like I have brain damage. I can't think I can't enjoy anything I cant feel love for anyone, but I also wonder if I ever did. And it's debilitating, I constantly wonder If I ever was someone with a "soul" or if I have always been just a robot with a reactionary function to the world. If this person says this then say this back. Everything seems so fake and unreal and I honestly think I have a block in-between my brain and reality.
When I got evicted I moved into my friends parents place where he stays and now I'm stuck and can't stand it anymore. Was he even my friend though or just someone who also partied alot. I don't want to be around people I don't want to have to explain to these Christians that I can't just go to church and be cured and that my depression is a choice. For the past 2 years I've been stuck in some purgatory state and it doesn't make any sense how any living being could even feel this way. It's literally hell on earth.
I cant move out because I don't have an income and I can't get an income because in all honesty If I had a job I would quit after a week. 1 year ago I almost had a job and I did an interview and the first day of work on the way there I turned around went home and blocked all the phone numbers associated with it.
I cant get supports because by the time I'm half way through the process I realize nothing matters reality isn't real my thoughts are fake I'm a psychopath anyway so why would I bother. I applied in December and didn't follow up and just did it again. 2 weeks ago.
When I graduated in 2019 I was drinking every weekend and in 2021 started trying drugs with my best friend, we did mushrooms and acid a couple times and a few times molly on the weekends. I've been drinking since grade 9, not every weekend but any chance I could, every party, every family event and holiday. Around 2020 I became a pothead and I would smoke insane amounts of weed, some days I smoked 3.5 grams a day some days I smoked 7 grams a day but more or less from 2020 to 2023 I would smoke non stop with no breaks unless around peopoe who disaproved, waking up in the night to smoke ,sometimes twice. I also took shrooms every like 3 months for a year or so and would be able to say that I've done them 3 times a year atleast from 2020 to 2023. All while being on these meds that I have been convince are neurotoxic and designed to give you brain damage. Oh and I've tried cocaine 3 times in the last year aswell. Never did much of it tho.
So I've lost all hope in living a life that is human. I feel void of myself I don't know who I am, I constantly feel like I'm pretending and acting to be human and can't connect with anyone and they would never know I feel this way.
The past 2 years I have don't nothing but sit at home with my blinds closed and hope no one is going to knock on my door as I sit for I hours a day staring at my phone googling and resding reddit and coming to the conclusion that I have some sort of psychosis or skitzophrenia or paranoia. My friends will call and I'll watch it ring until it stops and won't reply to my family. Because whats the point in trying to be human when I am no longer a human thanks to the cognitive issues I have to face.
And there's no hope online. You have anhedonia? It's the same everywhere I look, people replying to other people's posts or articles with "same here been 20 years now." So what's the point. How am I to know if it's depression or ASPD or NPD or Permanent Apathy from being chronically staring at my phone since I was 14 and watching gore and porn since I was that age. There's no knowing, there's no certainty in my own cognition or personality, not that i have one anymore. It's like do I have this cluster b? Who knows because if I did I wouldn't let a therapist know because I'm scared I do so I don't touch on it. Everything is a loop and a pardox of mental illnesses. I should have never read anything and I could have just been like "yup I'm depressed" now I have to worry if I should even try.
I moved to this place I'm in in december and just threw all my belongings in a room and I walked over everything until a couple weeks ago I threw out thousands of dollars worth of stuff because it's in the way and I dont have my own place anymore so things don't have a designated place. Threw out my computer, my tv, my model cars and all the model building supplies I had, airbrushes compressors hundreds of paints and brushes and clamps and just so much shit because those are people things let alone the human aspect of putting them somewhere.
Now I have cloths and a phone so running away will be easier. But where to go? Food costs money, I'm just tired of not feeling like a human and realizing everything I owned was just part of the act anyway. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. It's all that goes through my head all day long even if I did I wouldn't know it because I'm too far gone and it would be second guessed. I've now hyperfocused on the fact that laying down and staring at my phone for 2 years straight has, if not amplified, solidified my brain damage beyond repair. Because I feel nothing all day I just stare at my phone. But I can't do that anymore because now I'm expected to be a human in this household that I no longer want to be in. I'm completely isolated and I prefer that but I don't but I do but I don't but I do. It's like I want to be able to have friends and connect with someone but that's impossible because I'm just some empty emotionless husk with pure apathy and so I don't know what to do anymore.
I could get back on meds but isn't that the cause of this. The chemical lobotomy at its finest, causing you to need more of itself.
I dont see any hope anywhere because I want to be someone who has emotions but I have none and I want to be someone who has a human experience but I am not one. What do I do? Suicide? No there's ways to cope. I don't want to cope. What the fuck? You think coping with hell on earth is better than dieing? Why would I cope when all I have then is to look around at the world going "oh look that person feels this, thats something I can't do" because that's all that goes in inside.
I just say what I think someone is expecting to hear and then I think we'll isn't that what everyone is doing? Their all saying the same shit anyway but then I think we'll no they say what they say because they feel a certain way. Something I can't do, feel. Because im a sociopath. Being out if this household could help I'm sure but that's not even fathomable. Even with supports at max I can't afford a ppace of my own. I'd have to rent a room with a stranger, but it's funny because even those who aren't strangers are strangers now.
I shower once a week because why would I shower that's a human thing. I am not human anymore. I am void of humanity.
23 and dead. Who would have thought.
No one understands any of this so I just say I'm depressed and they think i shoukd try therapy and meds. Whats that going to do? Give my sociopathic brain the ability to not be a sociopath? If only they knew what distress and pain I feel every second of every day.
Ontop of all that even I was able to come back to myself it's just constant ocd of where should I place this and when or what or where should I do and what's the most optimized way to do this or that and why is that there instead of here and how do I know if here or there is better.
So now I guess I'll go back on ssris, and go back to thinking I'm poisoning myself and then repeat this cycle until death.
I'm just gonna run away and start stealing to eat because nothing matters anyway
2024.05.29 05:56 theminhister 2024 Land Cruiser: Land Cruiser vs 1958 trim
Hello Land Cruiser enthusiasts,
I'm looking to purchase my first Land Cruiser and I'm stuck deciding between the 1958 and the Land Cruiser trim, both without any major add-ons. It's a 6k price difference between the two trims.
To summarize, these are the features that the Land Cruiser trim has over the 1958 trim: + fake leather seats instead of cloth + sway bar disconnect + a more generic tire size, 265/70R18 (1958 has 245/70R18 tires, which seem to be a new size with little to no tire options) + power adjustable driver seat with lumbar support + ventilated seats + larger dash and screen + 360 view of car and front camera + roof rails + power trunk + fog lamp that can be yellow
Ideally, I want a 1958 with a power adjustable driver seat, and the fake leather seats, and a sway bar disconnect. I don't really care much for the other features on the Land Cruiser trim, and I like the circle headlights much more :)
So I have two questions 1. Is it feasible and worth it to get a 1958 and upgrade the seats to fake leather, make the driver seat auto adjustable with lumbar support, and add a sway bar disconnect? 2. Is the additional $6k worth it for all the additional features listed above that the Land Cruiser trim has over the 1958 trim?
Thanks for reading.
submitted by theminhister to LandCruisers [link] [comments]
I'm looking to purchase my first Land Cruiser and I'm stuck deciding between the 1958 and the Land Cruiser trim, both without any major add-ons. It's a 6k price difference between the two trims.
To summarize, these are the features that the Land Cruiser trim has over the 1958 trim: + fake leather seats instead of cloth + sway bar disconnect + a more generic tire size, 265/70R18 (1958 has 245/70R18 tires, which seem to be a new size with little to no tire options) + power adjustable driver seat with lumbar support + ventilated seats + larger dash and screen + 360 view of car and front camera + roof rails + power trunk + fog lamp that can be yellow
Ideally, I want a 1958 with a power adjustable driver seat, and the fake leather seats, and a sway bar disconnect. I don't really care much for the other features on the Land Cruiser trim, and I like the circle headlights much more :)
So I have two questions 1. Is it feasible and worth it to get a 1958 and upgrade the seats to fake leather, make the driver seat auto adjustable with lumbar support, and add a sway bar disconnect? 2. Is the additional $6k worth it for all the additional features listed above that the Land Cruiser trim has over the 1958 trim?
Thanks for reading.
2024.05.29 05:53 HarshBhasin1 Need advice
So.. I am joining in Fedex as a Cargo Loader on 31st. Just wanted to ask if you guys have any advice regarding my situation or just for the job in general.
My shift is 5 to 9 in the morning, but I’m a student and don’t have a car, so I’m gonna use transit for the travel. And the last transit from my place goes at like 12 midnight, and I’ll reach the warehouse at like 2-3. So do I just go in early? Should I talk to my manager, when I meet them, about some schedule changes or something like that? Idk… I’m pretty confused with this situation.
Can anyone explain what I should do? Thanks.
submitted by HarshBhasin1 to Fedexers [link] [comments]
My shift is 5 to 9 in the morning, but I’m a student and don’t have a car, so I’m gonna use transit for the travel. And the last transit from my place goes at like 12 midnight, and I’ll reach the warehouse at like 2-3. So do I just go in early? Should I talk to my manager, when I meet them, about some schedule changes or something like that? Idk… I’m pretty confused with this situation.
Can anyone explain what I should do? Thanks.