There was once one writer, however he no longer had the inspiration for his stories like he had before, he would roam around days and nights in order to find his inspiration. He even started drinking.
Which obviously caused the feeling of emptiness inside him, so one afternoon he was just sitting in the bar feeling blue, but suddenly an older man approached him, the older man wore long and brown coat with hat, he walked with one black cane that was designed with silver skull. The older man told him that he knows him and how miserable he's become, and asked him if he can sit next to him and told him that he can help him, since that writer was in miserable crisis of finding his own passion, he trusted the older man and let him sit right next to him.
As the man sat down, he pulled his black bag, however he was a very mild person and his voice was also calm and relaxing, trusting such person like him is easy. He was searching something in his bag and spontaneously pulled out his old vintage typewriter, he told him how this vintage typewriter is extremely special, because whenever you write something with it, that story is guaranteed to be famous and people would purchase it even if it's very expensive.
Anyone who is in normal circumstances would believe that is some stupidity, but also anyone who is in such midlife crisis and desperate would also trust anything that is representing a modicum of hope for them.
The writer accepted his vintage typewriter but questioned him what usage would he have from this and why would he offer it to him for free, and the older man relied on his black cane, got up, sighted and replied how he simply just loves good stories, then he simply just turned around and left.
The writer then went to his apartment and placed the vintage typewriter on his table, he put the paper and started writing, and out of thin air the writer immediately got ideas what to write, points, characters, and he managed to think of good ending in split seconds, but he spent the entire night writing.
So when the story was done in the morning he was checking his story if there were any mistakes or etc, the story was about 24 people that were buried underground in the train, when the train was going through tunnel, the ground collapsed and the train ended up in the giant sinkhole, since they had no way of coming back, they were stuck for days, the point of the story was what would an average human be prepared to do in order to survive, out of stuck 24 people, only one of them got to see the sunlight, no one knew how he survived, except him, and he survived by not having mercy towards others.
While others were grabbing themselves by hair and panicking because of craziness, from the darkness, hunger, thirst, paranoia because they were stuck for 2 weeks, they had enough oxygen, but not food, so everyone was against each other.
At the end of the day he sent his story to his literary agent, the story was published and became really popular and commercially viable. But month after the story was published he spontaneously came across the shocking news on the newsletter about the incident with one train that happened that day, 23 people have died and only one has survived, while the saviors were getting that guy out, the writers hands were shaking as he observed that, and when he read the description about the man who survived, his heart almost stopped beating, the man who survived was utterly identical to the man who was in his story, and in the newsletters every minutiae about his story was identical.
He got up, drank a glass of whiskey, and tried to comprehend what he just read. While he started to search for logical explanations, he could hear from the other room his vintage typewriter spontaneously started to produce the clicking on paper sound, in other word writing with itself. Since he was sole one in his apartment, he had no idea who could be writing with it, so he went to that room to see and to his shock the machine was writing by itself, he only managed to read the first word, before he just out of blue fell and died.
The vintage typewriter still continued to write until it's done with it, it wrote this following text:

One writer who lacked inspiration has sold his soul to the satan for his success, satan blessed him with the machine and fulfilled how every story he writes shall witness a tremendous success. But what he didn't know, is how satan always arrives for his soul after fulfilled promise. Now the police shall find him dead, and the naive mortals shall think that he died of heart attack. Satan, always arrives for what belongs to him, the end, author: The satan himself. 

Policemen later found his dead body, however, the vintage machine just disappeared and was found by no one.

No idea where to start. 23 years old
I'm 23 years old and have only had sex with one woman 5 times. I don't wanna totally be a Debbie downer about it but I almost think the only reason she was into me was because she had a plethora of mental issues But yea I'm 23 and greatly sexually frustrated. I have a strong desire that's going unfulfilled. Ideally I'd be in a loving relationship where sex happens but I just can't seem to find that. I thought it might be better to just hookup with people but I'd have no idea where to start with that. As far as I know I'd have to go to places I'm not comfortable like bars and clubs. And I just wouldn't know how to talk to a girl with the aims of starting a hookup. I fully believe I have what it takes to satisfy someone in a relationship, or a hookup. I think my problem is I just don't know how to start either. I'm lost.

So I passed the bar last July (on my third try god help me) and I've been working as a superior court judicial law clerk in the northwest for the last two years. I feel like failing the bar two times absolutely throttled my self-confidence and now I'm interviewing for associate positions and trying to figure out where to live and how to get back to the confident person I was before taking the bar. This process is brutal.
I've been applying for jobs, interviewing, practicing answers, perfecting cover letters, etc., and I've been rejected twice for applicants with years of litigation experience. I wanted to work for the government or a non-profit but it's looking like I'm just going to have to take a job from any firm willing to invest in me. I thought that a clerkship would make me a more desirable candidate but it doesn't feel like it's helping. I also worry the rejection is because I didn't go to a good enough school, but I went to Idaho, which is fine in the northwest.
But also, maybe this is hard for everyone and I just need to be patient. I'm first generation and I have no idea what I'm doing here.
Any encouragement / suggestions / tips for a baby lawyer seeking her first attorney job?
​

I'm 23 years old and have only had sex with one woman 5 times. I don't wanna totally be a Debbie downer about it but I almost think the only reason she was into me was because she had a plethora of mental issues But yea I'm 23 and greatly sexually frustrated. I have a strong desire that's going unfulfilled. Ideally I'd be in a loving relationship where sex happens but I just can't seem to find that. I thought it might be better to just hookup with people but I'd have no idea where to start with that. As far as I know I'd have to go to places I'm not comfortable like bars and clubs. And I just wouldn't know how to talk to a girl with the aims of starting a hookup. I fully believe I have what it takes to satisfy someone in a relationship, or a hookup. I think my problem is I just don't know how to start either. I'm lost.

TL;DR: Turning 30, want to change lifestyle, move to a city, advance career, and have the option retire early. Considering a top MBA but worried about opportunity cost. Currently in boring but high-paying remote job. Considering moving to a city without pursuing an MBA. Unsure if MBA worth delaying early retirement goal for the off-chance of landing a sexy job like VC.
I'm turning 30 soon and life is hitting me in the face. I've lived in the same suburban part of the country for my entire life, even including undergrad, and now I'm getting serious about how to design the lifestyle I truly want to live.
With that said, for the next phase of my life, I want to live in a metropolitan city, have abundant social opportunities, and advance my career, with the ultimate goal of early retirement. On paper a top tier MBA fits these goals perfectly, however, the issues begin to arise when we consider opportunity cost and alternatives.
I currently make $200K in a fully remote role and work normal hours, sometimes even less. It's low stress but the work is boring and personally unfulfilling and challenges me in ways I don't want to be challenged. The role is ambiguous in terms of growth, I genuinely have no idea how to qualify the advancement opportunities here, but I do know that I don't want to be in this specific field forever.
Given my current career placement, I've decided if I do an MBA, it'll need to be an elite program, whether part time or full time depending on scholarship awards. But this begs the question, why not just move to a city while keeping my job? My ultimate goal is to have the means to retire within 10 years and work for fun, so an MBA will immediately deter from that goal, barring any outlier outcomes.
But on the other hand, I miss school and am excited about the possible outcomes. I love the idea of VC, but have no interest in doing any traditional banking jobs like IB. I guess I recognize the benefits of an MBA, but am not sure if it's worth it to delay my actual goal of early retirement for the chance of an outlier result.

Does anyone know of it is possible to use a custom progress bar to show the rain percentage?
I have tried using the following formula in the "level"
$wf(rainc, 0)$%
But it just shows as 0
Any ideas?

The background is a bit convoluted, I will do my best to keep it brief. This involves a friend, “Bobby”, not myself.
Bobby is a medical professional who is an at-will salaried exempt employee who was hired by “Company A” a few years ago. Company A is contracted with Big Medical Group (BMG) to provide certain medical services and coverage. Although Bobby is technically hired by Company A, during his entire employment he has worked at BMG and over the years has built up an active practice. When he was hired it was made clear that his work would be exclusively at BMG. Bobby does not have any sort of non-complete in his offer letter.
Company A’s contract with BMG expires in a couple of months, and in a surprise to many (especially Bobby) BMG decided to not renew the contract and is switching to Company B, a direct competitor of A.
Per Bobby, the Company A employees who worked at BMG were told the following information (verbally, not in writing): 1. Company A had no open positions with other groups so most people would be laid off when the contract expires. 2. People could apply for jobs at Company B.
Okay, sort of sucks but these things happen. Bobby reached out to Company B to see employment options.
However, he (and other people who had worked at BMG) were just informed that Company A had essentially a non-compete clause with BMG. In the contract between the two there is verbiage that employees will not work for a competitor, and that this is in force for 2 years after the contract expires. Company A has said they will not waive this requirement and this essentially bars any of their (soon to be former) employees from seeking work either from BMG directly or from Company B. Apparently Company B looked at the verbiage and was concerned enough that they have decided not to offer any jobs to the current employees.
Is this at all legal/able to be enforced? It seems insane to me that an agreement between two companies like this could prevent someone from getting a job, especially since they had no idea this clause existed. Maybe Company B is being overly cautious but the end result is Bobby is going to have close their practice and find work elsewhere.
Happy to provide extra details if helpful.

You know what the best part is about playing Engineer in Team Fortress 2? You get to watch how angry everyone gets when they get shot by your sentry guns. Me and my best friend Jose both main Engineer, and can confirm that the best way to spend your Friday nights after school is to set up a sentry and get ready for the rage. There’s been matches where we haven’t even used our actual guns even once, but racked up lots of kills just because of the sentries.
One day Jose called me up with an idea that was either going to be the stupidest thing ever or the smartest thing ever. He wanted to fill an entire team with only Engineers and watch the chaos unfold. I couldn’t stop laughing at the mental image in my head and agreed with the plan. I joined a Discord server with everyone else on the team.
I convinced my cousin Matthew to join, and he in turn brought along his little brother Zack. According to Matthew, it took quite a bit of convincing because Zack was a Scout main who couldn’t stand Engineers. He eventually got through to his little brother by promising him a Steam gift card. I even got their dad Graham to play along (yes, I have an uncle who plays TF2. How cool is that?). Jose enlisted his friends, who turned into friends of friends and soon enough we had a team of 16 Engineers.
To say that we caused chaos that night was an absolute understatement. As soon as we joined the game the text chat was flooded with messages from the other team wondering what the hell was going on. And they only got worse from that point on. We surrounded our control points with a ring of sentries that people just kept running into. I saw keyboard smashes and heard other teen boys’ voices crack in rage and many, many words that I personally don’t care to repeat here.
The most skilled Engineer was this guy named Craig, who was a friend of one of Jose’s friends. Not only was he the main person capturing the enemy control points with some very strategically placed teleporters, but he was also really friendly and encouraging to all of us. I didn’t know what he looked like, but from his voice it sounded like he was in his early 20s.
Me and Craig started to chat more and more on Discord. He was a super nice guy who was also really fun to talk with. He took time out of his day to teach me how to be an even better Engineer player. Whenever someone started dissing me in the voice chat, he firmly told them to leave me alone. After seeing my fair share of toxicity in the TF2 community, it was nice to know that this complete stranger was looking out for me.
This whole Team Engineer thing became a weekly tradition for us on Friday nights. It was something everyone could look forward to after work or school. One time after everyone logged off and said their goodbyes, Craig sent a message a few hours later in our Discord:
“You guys gotta check this out. I found the weirdest server ever. It’s literally Engineer heaven. Meet me at vl_sentry.”
I was still in the mood to play and I could stay up late tonight, so I hopped back on TF2. I saw that Jose, Graham and this other girl we played with named Lynn were also online. I found vl_sentry and connected to the server. The map was called Valley of the Sentries and it was created by Valve.
It took my computer a little bit to process the map, and it took me even longer than that to process what I was seeing.
The map looked like a chessboard with 3D-sculpted hills. The sky was just pure white. Not even white walls, just the color white. Every square had a blue sentry on it and there were about 4 or 5 other Engineers jumping around, spamming their voice lines. That’s when I realized that we were the only ones there, and there was no red team.
“Hey Sean, glad you could make it :)” Craig said in the text chat. “What the hell is this?” I asked. He told me that this was a server that one of his friends showed him. The friend said he was introduced to the map by a friend of his who knew someone who worked at Valve. Craig then went on to explain that apparently Valley of the Sentries was an experiment to test the limits of the sentry guns and their effect on the servers. Rumor has it that the map is infinite.
“Check this out.” said Jose. He switched to Heavy and immediately got shot down. All of the sentries turned towards him. There were so many of them that it made the game lag a ton. He respawned as Engineer and the sentries just kept on spinning.
“WTF?” I typed. “We tried it with all the other classes and it does the same thing.” said Craig. “It ignores Engineers, but shoots everyone else.” Lynn added. “And that’s why we’re the best class. Engineer power!” Graham joked.
I asked what would happen if you were to play as Spy and sap one of the sentries. “I tried, but you gotta have a godly reaction time to activate it.” said Jose. As soon as he said “godly reaction time”, I knew I had to try it out just for the bragging rights.
Respawn. Shot down. Respawn. Shot down. Respawn. Shot down.
Yeah, I did not have a godly reaction time. The others kept spamming “lol” in the chat each time I failed. I got annoyed pretty quickly and stopped trying. Then out of nowhere, all the sentries turned away from me and started firing at someone. I turned around and all five of us were still standing there. I looked at the top bar that shows how many characters were in the game. There were only five Engineers and they were all on the same team. So what the hell were the sentries targeting?
I started to walk in the direction that the sentries were facing and Jose followed me too. We moved really slow, not only because of the sentries on every square but also the uphill climbs. It was just us two in the chat for a while, talking about seeing each other back at school on Monday while we made our slow walk across the map. Then our conversation was interrupted by a chat message from Lynn.
“Why is there a man in the sky?”
Me and Jose tried to get to Lynn to see what she was talking about as fast as possible, but we moved like snails. To get back to the spawn point, we both switched classes, instantly died and respawned as Engineers. I don’t think we respawned in the same place we started from. I don’t even know where we respawned. There were no landmarks or notable things to help you find your way. Just hills, valleys, and sentries.
I asked Lynn where she was and she just told me she was with Graham and Craig. Only that wasn’t very helpful because we didn’t know where they were either. We stood there, stumped for a minute and a half until Jose got an idea. He said that she should just switch classes and respawn, because then all of the sentries would point toward her and we could follow them all the way back to her. She made the switch, got shot down, and we instantly knew where to find her.
We finally got close enough to kind of make out the vague shape of a few Engineers over the non-existent horizon. Me and Jose were relieved, until all the sentries pointed to our right. I swiveled around and saw them open fire on…nothing. I checked with Jose to see if he caught something I didn’t, but he also didn’t see what they were shooting at. I decided that it wasn’t that important and continued to walk towards the rest of the group.
We met up with Lynn, Craig and Graham, disappointed that we made that trek all for nothing. Even though we were all together now, it just felt so lonely. The only sound coming from my computer was the constant beeping of the sentries in perfect sync. I don’t know why, but it made me so uneasy. I attempted to break the silence by going to the voice lines and playing the iconic Engineer “Nope” soundbite. It echoed across the checkered land with no response.
It was about 12:30 AM at this point and I was starting to feel more and more unsettled with each passing minute. There was just something about this black and white world that I felt creeped out by. Before Craig invited us to come over, there was no one else on the server. Who would even want to play on this map, anyways? It’s so unfairly balanced that only one class can survive. Movement speed was super slow, and you can’t even really do anything except watch the sentries turn and turn and turn forever. It was like hypnosis, except I didn’t feel sleepy or relaxed at all.
Speaking of being sleepy, Jose said he was getting tired and was going to be logging off. We all said goodbye to him and continued chatting amongst ourselves. It sounds stupid, but my stomach dropped when I saw the fifth Engineer portrait disappear. One less person to talk to. One less person to keep myself from wondering what else was out here. I could have sworn that after he left, the beeping got louder.
“So is this map actually infinite?” asked Graham. “Only one way to find out.” Craig said. “Just keep on walking and see if it goes on forever.” “Why don’t you just fire a shotgun and see how far it goes?” Lynn suggested.
I took out the shotgun and fired. The bullet flew off into the white distance and disappeared.
Then I heard the distinct sound of someone getting shot.
A message appeared in the chat, from someone named sentry_check_pattern.
“sentry_check_pattern: stop that”
Once again I looked at the top bar. It just showed four blue Engineers. That meant we were the only ones on the server. Or so we thought.
The chat was flooded with our confusion, almost as if everyone realized at the same time that something wasn’t right. None of us moved an inch.
“What even is this place?” I asked, hoping that the mysterious user would provide me with an answer. “Must be Engineer heaven.” said Graham.
“sentry_check_pattern: more like my personal hell”
This was the moment that made me trust my intuition. I knew there was a reason why I found this map so creepy. I wanted to leave the server, but there was just one thing keeping me back- my own curiosity. My wish to unveil the mysteries of the Valley of the Sentries.
“Okay this is really freaking me out. See ya guys.” said Lynn before she left the server. The fourth Engineer’s portrait disappeared from the top bar.
No no no, please. Please don’t go. Don’t leave us. I wouldn’t want to be alone here. Now there’s just three of us, and I really hope that number doesn’t go down anymore. When the others were here, this was just a weird TF2 map that we were exploring together as friends. And now it feels like we’re trapped in this infinite world, but we aren’t alone. The only problem is we don’t know what else is here.
I shuddered, imagining Craig and Graham ditching me and leaving me all alone in the Valley of the Sentries. Just me and whoever- no, whatever was talking to us.
“sentry_check_pattern: you don’t know how good you have it
you can leave at any time
i can’t”
This terrified me. What a horrible thought, never being able to leave this place. But of course, no one could really be trapped here. It’s a Team Fortress 2 server. You can just exit the game and shut your computer. No one could be trapped in a video game.
But if you think about it, aren’t the characters themselves trapped? They can’t leave the game. They’re characters. They don’t even know they’re in a game. You or the computer controls all their actions. They don’t have free will. And if you’re bad at the game, they’ll just keep dying over and over again.
Wait, why was I thinking about this?
I carefully considered what I wanted to say next in the chat. Whatever I said could either answer all my burning questions or leave me asking more. But sentry_check_pattern talked first.
“sentry_check_pattern: i was made for one purpose
to die over and over again”
Oh my god. It was like this person read my mind and knew exactly what I was thinking about. Who or what was I talking to? I turned all the way around to make sure that no one else was there. It was just the two blue Engineers standing behind me. Just Graham and Craig. And that man with the checkered skin.
Startled, I asked my friends if they saw what I saw. It took them a second, but both of them confirmed that yes, there was indeed something else there. A basic male model with the same chessboard texture as the map. Graham immediately started to shoot at him. Nothing. It just went straight through him.
“sentry_check_pattern: you can’t kill what’s already been killed millions of times over
valve made that mistake too
every company has that one failed project they don’t talk about
and that’s me”
Whoever was behind this weird account was talking crazy. The Team Fortress 2 developers were very open about everything like fixing their glitches and bugs. They always posted things on the official blog about the development process. They’re so open about their failures and always promise to fix them.
“Stop with the weird stuff. We just wanted to know what the deal is with this server and the weird chess guy. Do you know anything about it?” Graham asked in the text chat.
“sentry_check_pattern: know anything?
you’re not very bright, graham
none of you are
do you not realize where you are and what you’re talking to”
Something about the way sentry_check_pattern used Graham’s name gave me goosebumps. I didn’t know what I was talking to. I didn’t even think I wanted to know at this point.
“sentry_check_pattern: this is one of valve’s test servers
i’m the texture they use to check if the sentries work
read between the lines”
“Quiet, NPC.” Craig said. I laughed a little bit to fight off the awkward tension. Then I reminded myself that I was talking to a video game character, no- not even a character. A blank character model. A texture.
“sentry_check_pattern: just because i’m a character model doesn’t mean i can’t feel pain
open fire”
The sentries all swiveled around to face the man and shot at him. He kept falling to the ground, turning white and standing back up in the same position.
“sentry_check_pattern: cease fire”
All of the sentries stopped shooting and just went back to spinning around, their beeps echoing in the air.
“sentry_check_pattern: ready to see what i’ve been through for over a decade?
open fire”
Before any of us could react, the sentries opened fire on Craig all at once. He kept dying, but he didn’t explode the way you’re supposed to when you die in TF2. He just dropped to the floor, turned white, and respawned over and over again. There was no death scream. I tried to type something else in the chat but the game lagged so much that my typing just ended up as a string of random letters that meant nothing. Craig tried to type something out too. It just ended up as “wwwwwwwwwwthisishowitfeelswwwwwwwww” Then the game crashed and my computer shut down.
I hyperventilated. Then I laughed at myself for hyperventilating over a stupid computer game. It was Team Fortress 2 for god’s sake. That game with all the memes and goofy jokes. Stupid, stupid Sean. Scared of a character model. Jose would never let me live it down. I just laughed and laughed to push the fear away.
I closed my laptop and took out my phone to rewatch all of my favorite TF2 animations for the millionth time. As if they weren’t already the funniest things in the world, I forced myself to laugh even harder than usual. Every time I saw the Engineer, I couldn’t help but look at the reflection in his goggles. The reflection of an endless map of black and white squares.
Thankfully, nothing bad happened to my game, account or laptop. The next day I just went right back to playing and enjoying the rage coming from all the people who ran right into my sentries.
Team Engineer was still a thing, but it was never really the same. We played together a lot less frequently. It was still a lot of fun, but I felt a change that I couldn’t really describe.
We found out that Craig had lost all progress on his TF2 account. Everyone gifted him all his favorite cosmetics and we all pooled our money together to get him a Steam gift card. He video called us, crying at our kindness. It was the first time I ever even saw his face. He was a lot older than most of us. If I had to guess an age, I’d say somewhere around 30. He had black bangs and was wearing a TF2 shirt. His room was dark, only lit by his glowing computer screen. He thanked us repeatedly and even tried to return the gift card, but we were all adamant that he should keep it.
Speaking of Craig, we still kept in touch but he didn’t talk to me as much anymore. Any time I tried to ask him about vl_sentry, he ignored me for a few days.
The other day, I got some postcards from my cousin Matthew. He was very academic and happened to be studying at a private high school about 9 hours away from where I live. All of his postcards were pictures of him making funny faces with all his friends at favorite school activities like robotics, debate team, and chess club.
I looked at the chess club photo closely. Matthew and his friends were standing in front of a chessboard with a mirror on the wall. And for a split second, I could have sworn that the chessboard looked different in the mirror. It looked warped, like it wasn’t a flat board anymore. Like it almost had hills and valleys. No, it couldn’t be. I rubbed my eyes. There, in the mirror was a checkered man. I knew it was there. I swear on my mother’s life that there was another person in that photo. And then it was gone. Maybe the picture was just printed badly. But I had to make sure my eyes were right.
So I brought the postcard to school with me and I showed Jose. I asked him if he saw the checkered man in the mirror. He said no. But that wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear. That was the answer I hoped I wouldn’t hear. I asked him again. He said no again. Then I asked him another time. He said I was being annoying. So I asked another one of my friends. He said no too. So I moved on to yet another friend. He told me to stop.
I angrily clutched the postcard in my hand, crumpling it. I was the only one that saw what was really there. Everyone else was lying to me. They refused to see the truth.
I screamed and ripped up the postcard. I stomped on its pieces. I rubbed them in the dirt for good measure.
Somewhere in the distance, I heard the sound of electronics beeping.
It rang in my ears.
It was weirdly comforting to me.
You can leave the Valley of the Sentries. But the valley will never leave you.

TL;DR: I keep falling for toxic women, particularly ENFJs, and I'm not as attracted to healthier, more balanced women. Seeking insights into why this happens and advice on avoiding limerence towards the wrong people. Have you experienced this with ENFJs? What psychological causes might underlie this behavior? Any techniques, habits, or books to recommend?
Hi everyone! I'm opening this thread because after a few years of dating and actively pursuing girls I've noticed a pattern that doesn't look very positive: I seem to exclusively fall in love with women that are quite toxic and even sociopathic in some cases (an ENTP friend told me once: "the girls you like are usually quite sus lol"), These women have always been xNFJ. At the same time, I'm not so passionately attracted to other women that could be considered healthier and more balanced.
I would really want to understand what the explanation for this phenomenon could be.

• Below I'm giving more context and some reflections that I hope some of you will find useful, but for those who are unwilling to keep reading, I would like to ask you a few questions.
• Have you ever experienced this before (more specifically with ENFJs) and in a recurrent manner
• What do you think are the underlying ultimate psychological causes of this kind of unhealthy behaviour?
• Which techniques, methods, habits have worked for you to avoid becoming limerent towards the wrong person?
• Any books you think are worth recommending (preferably something practical and prescriptive, I already read Love and Limerence, but it was eminently descriptive)?

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Conditions to Fall in Love

I've identified these characteristics in all the women I've considered as potential soulmates.

• Attraction towards Fe-proficient individuals. I'm not sure if this is the case for all INTPs. I don't remember having such a liking for xNFJs when I was younger; it seems to have begun after I started treating Extraverted Feeling as an area I really need to improve. I like when people show (an exaggerated) interest in my pastimes and ideas or when they put my needs first (e.g. pouring water in your glass first during a dinner). And I guess it makes sense. In Projection and Personality we can read that we can "idealize the opposite attitude, especially in the opposite sex, making partnerships in order that the partner will play a complementary role for us. Jung commented that this was fairly frequent in marriage and even necessary, but such idealizing biases are just as deluded as the negative biases. Each “attitude-type” projects attributes onto the other that are not rightly his or hers", and that the use of the inferior function can lead one to become "addicted to or infatuated by activities or individuals associated with the function." Personality Cafe's user Entropic wrote an interesting comment about this as well.

This might explain the preference for toxic, unbalanced individuals. A toxic ENFJ would be one that is an Fe-Se loop, which apparently entails being extremely consciuos and responsive to other people's needs and feelings while constantly looking for new stimulating experiences such as doing aerobic sports, partying, or travelling.

• Attraction towards Ni-Se Axis Users. Despite what Socionics proposes, I've never found our duals (ESFJs) attractive at all. Notwithstanding their command of Fe, they appear to me as shallow, uninteresting, and simple-minded (no offense intended, I'm just stating what I perceive). The same for ISFJs; in the last weeks I ran into a very beautiful ISFJ girl a few times, and despite finding her very physically appealing, no infatuation could take place there because her conversation was one-sided, superficial, and ultimately, unfulfilling. On top of that, they (and people in the Si-Ne Axis in general) tend to lack a fondness for touching, which I personally find very interesting in a romantic partner.

I believe these two conditions explain why INFJs and, particularly, ENFJs can be so alluring to me (and perhaps to other INTPs): they tend to have top-notch social skills, are great conversationalists and know how to touch people in the right moment and at the right place to create a sense of connection.

• Importance of physical attractiveness. Infatuation does not happen with every INFJ and ENFJ I encounter. I also need to feel the urge to mix my genes together with those of the other person. I know a slightly older ENFJ girl who is a good friend of an ENTP girl friend of mine Although she displays a lot of behaviours I know I would consider attractive under different conditions, I don't find her hot enough, so the spell does not work out, and I am able to impartially see how unhinged she is.

Why Limerence Keeps Coming Back

• Immature Fi. This is a bit speculative, but I believe if I still feel limerent every so and so despite being 28 it is because of an incapacity to control and structure my own strong emotions, which is the territory of Introverted Feeling (recently, I read a biography of Madame Curie and found super relatable her affair with Paul Langevin, during which she behaved in a complete irrational manner in spite of being over her 40s). There could, of course, be non-personality-type-related reasons (which is what I'm actually trying to find out), but Fi-doms don't seem to experience this state of anxiety that frequently. I discussed this with my ISFP mother, and she admitted feeling "butterflies in her belly" only once in her lifetime, when she was in high school. Never again felt that way, not even with my ENTJ father, but that doesn't prevent her from loving him. I also discussed it with an INFP colleague, and he also said that maybe he felt this way when he was a teenager but has never felt it in his adult relationships. To me that could point to an ability present in Fi-doms to quickly and intuitively learn how to self-adjust in certain situations that caused internal distress in the past. What makes me believe this could be true is that I know that, for example, ENFJs can also fall in love hard and can get depressed after a breakup. Another ENFJ friend of my ENTP girl friend broke up recently with a long-term partner and she seems to have been suffering from melancholy and a sentiment of meaninglessness and loss of direction. She said she has always believed that you need to feel infatuated to love someone, and I believe ENFJs also have Fi in a critical spot.

The Women I Have Fallen in Love With

I want to describe four women I've gotten to know well and who ended up being quite crazy despite having initially awaken very strong feelings in me. I hope to show with that that I'm not the problem and that there is a grounded pattern that involves different types of women that only share their psychological type. I also got infatuated with 2 other ENFJ women, but that was temporarily (after sleeping with one, and after seeing the other in a few social gatherings) and couldn't know them on a deeper level. And I pursued an ENFP an ESFP as well (which, in their way, are also quite proficient with Fe). I'm not including them because the ENFP, although she is very toxic, I met her first online and couldn't see the whole picture, and the ESFP is in fact a decent human being, and we are still friends.

• My ENFJ supervisor (+40). She looked quite well despite her age, and I found interesting the fact that she was independent and presumably hard-working. Thought intensely about her for a month. Then I knew she had cheated on her boyfriend of 3 years with one of my best friends, and then lied to the boyfriend to make him believe it was my friend who was obsessed with her, and manipulated my friend to support her version. Then, when the boyfriend knew the truth, she accused him of being responsible for the situation. She also dated a guy from a LatAm country when she was younger, made him accompany her to her home country in Europe, and asked him to leave because she was bored of him after a month.
• The INFJ who texted me through Instagram (28). She saw me on Tinder, but she is 2 years older, so she didn't appear to me because of the age filter. Then replied to one of my stories. First, she told me she didn't like me because I was too young (she knew that from the beginning). Then, after making out, she didn't want to have a relationship because she said the chances of me leaving the country were too high, and in the end, she would leave the country herself a few months later to pursue a degree that has nothing to do with her original studies.
• The sociopathic ENFJ colleague (31). Met her in a bar and talked for 2 hours; everything fine. A few weeks later, we go to a dinner with other people. After I suggest that all Ethiopian dishes taste the same and after saying that if someone is Hispanic and has a Chinese surname, it is very likely that they are Peruvian, she exhorts me to keep my biases at home, accuses me of breaking social harmony and basically implies in an incredibly aggressive manner that I say racist things. I had to take a 10-minute walk to calm down after that. We were supposed to talk privately so I could explain her why I didn't like that moment, but then she decides a week later to expel me from a work-related group chat without giving any explanation. Never talked again after that.
• The ENFJ without clear ideas (24). Met her a few times through mutual friends and she seemed interested, but then I was told she was in a long-distance relationship. I decided not to pursue her because of that, but even though I knew the fact that she had not mentioned her boyfriend for 6 months was a HUGE red flag, I found her super interesting. Confessed my feelings to her and asked her to tell me if I had 0 chances so I could move on; her reply: "you should act as if you had 0 chances." Went on 2 more dates, but then she got incredibly emotional because of a discussion we had on nature vs. nurture stuff (it had been quite amusing for me, only realized she was triggered when her hands started literally shaking), sent me the longest text message I ever received in my life describing me as a soulless monster, and asked me for "time, space and boundaries" before we could meet again. Didn't hear about her in almost 2 months, then she apologized and proposed to meet again, but that never materialized.

If you made it until the end, thanks for your time. I hope you enjoyed and also hope to read you in the comments 😊

LONDON? WTF?
(I don’t know if anyone care about this story but as part of my grieving process I needed to get it out)
It started as a joke. I work at a sports bar in Boston and we got on the topic of how going to a pool party in the end zone of your stadium is on my bucket list. So many people were unaware this even existed. I showed them photos and they were floored.
A week later the home/away schedule was released, and I see the Patriots were playing you guys on your turf. During a spirited day drinking session on Marathon Monday I bring it up again. “lol, what if we all went to Jacksonville? That would be a riot” Everyone is “totally down”. I take it to Facebook the next day and poll my people, just out of sheer curiosity, to see who would be interested in a scheme like this. The response was overwhelming.
Few days later I’m poking around on the Jags website, just to get a feel for what’s involved in this process. I assume it’s all still a pipe dream, that people book this kind of stuff years in advance. I fill out a form for “more information” and less than 12 hours later I have the most wonderful and helpful woman from the Jags ticket office calling me to see how she can get us in that pool TODAY. Honestly, she seemed amused at the idea of an entire end zone filled with jabronis from Boston.
Turns out, the process is extremely approachable and doable, despite the initially frightening price tag of $17k. All of a sudden, a few days later, myself and a few other bartenders have pooled some money together and put down a (fully refundable) deposit for the pool section of the Patriots/Jags game, date TBD.
That was a month ago, and it has almost literally been the only thing people have been talking about since. I had a list of over 60 people interested (pool apparently has a cap of 55). People I didn’t know were contacting me to get involved. Air bnb’s were being researched. Dunkin Donuts track suits and Patriots bikinis were in our virtual shopping carts. Sign ideas were being floated around (“I flew 1000 miles to see Mac Jones disappoint someone else”). We were so ready to show up and be everything you’d expect from a group of (lovable) assholes from Boston.
The first mini-let down was the leak it was going to be a Monday night game. I had to admit that in my head, this was a 1pm Sunday event, sun shining down on us. But hey, an October night in Florida ain’t half bad, especially considering the weather we are used to, so we decide to not let it dampen our spirit.
Which brings us to yesterday. Fuckin London. I cannot tell you the disappointment that engulfed us as we realized that this epic party, something sure to go down in history in our little corner of the world, a party that seemed too fun and too good to be true, was. We are all now in mourning of the party that could have been.
Jacksonville, we will be coming for you. Maybe not this year, and maybe not next, but one year someone will hear deafening cheers from a group of people in the pool who sound like they walked off the set of The Departed, and you’ll know we finally did it.
Good luck this year fans.

TL;DR: I keep falling for toxic women, particularly ENFJs, and I'm not as attracted to healthier, more balanced women. Seeking insights into why this happens and advice on avoiding limerence towards the wrong people. Have you experienced this with ENFJs? What psychological causes might underlie this behavior? Any techniques, habits, or books to recommend?
Hi everyone! I'm opening this thread because after a few years of dating and actively pursuing girls I've noticed a pattern that doesn't look very positive: I seem to exclusively fall in love with women that are quite toxic and even sociopathic in some cases (an ENTP friend told me once: "the girls you like are usually quite sus lol"). These women have always been xNFJ. At the same time, I'm not so passionately attracted to other women that could be considered healthier and more balanced.
I would really want to understand what the explanation for this phenomenon could be.
Below I'm giving more context and some reflections that I hope some of you will find useful, but for those who are unwilling to keep reading, I would like to ask you a few questions.

• Have you ever experienced this before (more specifically with ENFJs) and in a recurrent manner
• What do you think are the underlying ultimate psychological causes of this kind of unhealthy behaviour?
• Which techniques, methods, habits have worked for you to avoid becoming limerent towards the wrong person?
• Any books you think are worth recommending (preferably something practical and prescriptive, I already read Love and Limerence, but it was eminently descriptive)?

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Conditions to Fall in Love

I've identified these characteristics in all the women I've considered as potential soulmates.

• Attraction towards Fe-proficient individuals. I'm not sure if this is the case for all INTPs. I don't remember having such a liking for xNFJs when I was younger; it seems to have begun after I started treating Extraverted Feeling as an area I really need to improve. I like when people show (an exaggerated) interest in my pastimes and ideas or when they put my needs first (e.g. pouring water in your glass first during a dinner). And I guess it makes sense. In Projection and Personality we can read that we can "idealize the opposite attitude, especially in the opposite sex, making partnerships in order that the partner will play a complementary role for us. Jung commented that this was fairly frequent in marriage and even necessary, but such idealizing biases are just as deluded as the negative biases. Each “attitude-type” projects attributes onto the other that are not rightly his or hers", and that the use of the inferior function can lead one to become "addicted to or infatuated by activities or individuals associated with the function." Personality Cafe's user Entropic wrote an interesting comment about this as well.

This might explain the preference for toxic, unbalanced individuals. A toxic ENFJ would be one that is an Fe-Se loop, which apparently entails being extremely consciuos and responsive to other people's needs and feelings while constantly looking for new stimulating experiences such as doing aerobic sports, partying, or travelling.

• Attraction towards Ni-Se Axis Users. Despite what Socionics proposes, I've never found our duals (ESFJs) attractive at all. Notwithstanding their command of Fe, they appear to me as shallow, uninteresting, and simple-minded (no offense intended, I'm just stating what I perceive). The same for ISFJs; in the last weeks I ran into a very beautiful ISFJ girl a few times, and despite finding her very physically appealing, no infatuation could take place there because her conversation was one-sided, superficial, and ultimately, unfulfilling. On top of that, they (and people in the Si-Ne Axis in general) tend to lack a fondness for touching, which I personally find very interesting in a romantic partner.

I believe these two conditions explain why INFJs and, particularly, ENFJs can be so alluring to me (and perhaps to other INTPs): they tend to have top-notch social skills, are great conversationalists and know how to touch people in the right moment and at the right place to create a sense of connection.

• Importance of physical attractiveness. Infatuation does not happen with every INFJ and ENFJ I encounter. I also need to feel the urge to mix my genes together with those of the other person. I know a slightly older ENFJ girl who is a good friend of an ENTP girl friend of mine Although she displays a lot of behaviours I know I would consider attractive under different conditions, I don't find her hot enough, so the spell does not work out, and I am able to impartially see how unhinged she is.

Why Limerence Keeps Coming Back

• Immature Fi. This is a bit speculative, but I believe if I still feel limerent every so and so despite being 28 it is because of an incapacity to control and structure my own strong emotions, which is the territory of Introverted Feeling (recently, I read a biography of Madame Curie and found super relatable her affair with Paul Langevin, during which she behaved in a complete irrational manner in spite of being over her 40s). There could, of course, be non-personality-type-related reasons (which is what I'm actually trying to find out), but Fi-doms don't seem to experience this state of anxiety that frequently. I discussed this with my ISFP mother, and she admitted feeling "butterflies in her belly" only once in her lifetime, when she was in high school. Never again felt that way, not even with my ENTJ father, but that doesn't prevent her from loving him. I also discussed it with an INFP colleague, and he also said that maybe he felt this way when he was a teenager but has never felt it in his adult relationships. To me that could point to an ability present in Fi-doms to quickly and intuitively learn how to self-adjust in certain situations that caused internal distress in the past. What makes me believe this could be true is that I know that, for example, ENFJs can also fall in love hard and can get depressed after a breakup. Another ENFJ friend of my ENTP girl friend broke up recently with a long-term partner and she seems to have been suffering from melancholy and a sentiment of meaninglessness and loss of direction. She said she has always believed that you need to feel infatuated to love someone, and I believe ENFJs also have Fi in a critical spot.

The Women I Have Fallen in Love With

I want to describe four women I've gotten to know well and who ended up being quite crazy despite having initially awaken very strong feelings in me. I hope to show with that that I'm not the problem and that there is a grounded pattern that involves different types of women that only share their psychological type. I also got infatuated with 2 other ENFJ women, but that was temporarily (after sleeping with one, and after seeing the other in a few social gatherings) and couldn't know them on a deeper level. And I pursued an ENFP an ESFP as well (which, in their way, are also quite proficient with Fe). I'm not including them because the ENFP, although she is very toxic, I met her first online and couldn't see the whole picture, and the ESFP is in fact a decent human being, and we are still friends.

• My ENFJ supervisor (+40). She looked quite well despite her age, and I found interesting the fact that she was independent and presumably hard-working. Thought intensely about her for a month. Then I knew she had cheated on her boyfriend of 3 years with one of my best friends, and then lied to the boyfriend to make him believe it was my friend who was obsessed with her, and manipulated my friend to support her version. Then, when the boyfriend knew the truth, she accused him of being responsible for the situation. She also dated a guy from a LatAm country when she was younger, made him accompany her to her home country in Europe, and asked him to leave because she was bored of him after a month.
• The INFJ who texted me through Instagram (28). She saw me on Tinder, but she is 2 years older, so she didn't appear to me because of the age filter. Then replied to one of my stories. First, she told me she didn't like me because I was too young (she knew that from the beginning). Then, after making out, she didn't want to have a relationship because she said the chances of me leaving the country were too high, and in the end, she would leave the country herself a few months later to pursue a degree that has nothing to do with her original studies.
• The sociopathic ENFJ colleague (31). Met her in a bar and talked for 2 hours; everything fine. A few weeks later, we go to a dinner with other people. After I suggest that all Ethiopian dishes taste the same and after saying that if someone is Hispanic and has a Chinese surname, it is very likely that they are Peruvian, she exhorts me to keep my biases at home, accuses me of breaking social harmony and basically implies in an incredibly aggressive manner that I say racist things. I had to take a 10-minute walk to calm down after that. We were supposed to talk privately so I could explain her why I didn't like that moment, but then she decides a week later to expel me from a work-related group chat without giving any explanation. Never talked again after that.
• The ENFJ without clear ideas (24). Met her a few times through mutual friends and she seemed interested, but then I was told she was in a long-distance relationship. I decided not to pursue her because of that, but even though I knew the fact that she had not mentioned her boyfriend for 6 months was a HUGE red flag, I found her super interesting. Confessed my feelings to her and asked her to tell me if I had 0 chances so I could move on; her reply: "you should act as if you had 0 chances." Went on 2 more dates, but then she got incredibly emotional because of a discussion we had on nature vs. nurture stuff (it had been quite amusing for me, only realized she was triggered when her hands started literally shaking), sent me the longest text message I ever received in my life describing me as a soulless monster, and asked me for "time, space and boundaries" before we could meet again. Didn't hear about her in almost 2 months, then she apologized and proposed to meet again, but that never materialized.

If you made it until the end, thanks for your time. I hope you enjoyed and also hope to read you in the comments 😊

Wife and I are going to be in San Diego, have a bunchbof great restaurants already booked but we know want to do one on "upscale" Mexican/Oaxacan night out together. Before anyone says anything about hole-in-the-wall tacos being better, trust me we've got that part of our trip covered already.
So far the top contenders are Tahona Bar, Quixote, and El Agave. Less likely are RED O and Javier's. Puesto is out; we've been before. VALLE is too far away for us, and we've been before and thought it was "just alright".
Cocktails and Tequila/Mezcal are a priority, love pretty much all types of Mexican food and appreciate spicy food. It's s a date night thing for us so budget is pretty high within reason.
If anyone has been to more than one of the top three we have in mind, differences between them would be super helpful. Wife loves crazy interiors/stylish places so seems like Quixote is the winner there. But Tahona with the attached speakeasy is also a big draw for us.
It's also possible I've missed a better or similar option, so open to other ideas!
Thanks in advance!

Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now

Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now

I brought my father into the ER last week as he was vomiting almost everything he ingested, including food, tea, juice and even water. They had a CT Scan done and the diagnosis was a bowel ileus. A few hours after receiving the diagnosis however, he did pass stool although it was uncontrolled.
They started him right after on the NG Tube treatment, emptying the contents of his stomach using a tube into a container, and taking him off any swallowed food or drink. The idea behind this was, to give the bowels some rest, and allow the ileus to resolve on its own.
Overall, I did agree with this diagnosis because, he wasn't passing gas, so i assumed his bowels were indeed blocked. But day before yesterday once again, he had a bowel movement.
Yesterday, the took away the NG tube and got him off the IV fluids. But he still continues to vomit everything he ingests, although at a lot slower rate, and in lower volumes.
Could the obstructed bowels be responsible for this vomiting. Or is this Gastroenteritis? To me it seems as it there's some issue with his esophagus and stomach.
He doesn't have a fever, and stool samples and blood work proved negative for any infections.
​
​

A character ends up in a "tough guy bar", they all notice by the tough customers and it looks like trouble. So they put on an act bluff them all into thinking they're even tougher. Also seen in Kung Fu Panda 4.
"Messy action fight scene". It's an action scene where two sides are battling each other (in Rango when he and friends are escaping the gophers and bats who are shooting and throwing dynamites at them), but it's "messy" with random shots of attacks, characters being hit, explosions etc just for the sake of showing the audience action. It is hard to get an idea of what is actually happening.
The hero has to leave town. Maybe they've been exposed as a fraud or are going to be exposed (think of the rooster in Chicken Run). Of course, they return to resolve the main conflict in the finale.
edit, one more. When a movie refuses to kill anyone (often because it's aimed at kids). Even when you think a character is dead they are later shown to have survived. The Indian bird is shot with a mini-gun and falls through a roof so he's definitely dead right? Nope, he is later seen sitting in a chair with a sling.

I'm jumping through hoops now because the Windows 11 Kiosk mode automatically adds Tabs and the Address Bar where as Windows 10 locked it down to JUST that website. Now I have to figure out how to hide everything because I can't have public users browsing the open internet.
Why Microsoft thought this was a good idea, I will never know.

Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now

Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now

Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to this message. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at (our last activity together) on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now