I’ve realized I want/need to go no contact with my mom.
My mom was really terrible to me and all of my siblings when we were all under her roof. there were 7 of us so we all got abused differently, whatever her different supply was we all represented it differently, I had two siblings who were badly abused physically mentally everything were told how awful they were daily, I had two siblings that were never looked at and my mom just didn’t care what they did and didn’t really care (she always didn’t care but this was in a don’t care about what I can’t see) my older sister took a mother role and she was a terrible mom, probably because she was 12 taking on those roles. then there was me and another sister, she used us emotionally, we were her therapist, her maid, her caregiver, the dumpster for her problems, we’ve all been guiltripped, gaslighted, and emotionally abused from the time I remember, have of my childhood is blocked out.
ever since we all moved out she switched up her tactics. now she’s mr nice guy, ‘validating’ our feelings and telling us she’s going to therapy even though I know she isn’t she’s just reciting everything she sees online. Facebook phd. she’s been nice the last couple years and claims she’s changing, but then she has moments where u can see the mask peel a little, like when we were in a fight and she was calm and then my phone died and after it was charged and I went to call her back she was texting me threatening to send a well fare check and that if I ever block her again she will come to my house herself and not leave till it’s resolved, (which honestly triggered me because when I was a kid she used to lock me in my room and stand in front of the door not letting me leave until she got the resolution she wanted) I stayed complacent my childhood and early teenage years. It was easier to just agree and cry later then fight her on it because I saw where that got my other siblings.
I always feel terrible about how my siblings had it and my siblings have said I had it way better than they did, and they’re right but aren’t we all suffering from the same hand?
anyways my moms in town this week to go bowling with our family, and I’m coming and it’s the last time I see her before no contact. I’m not telling her I’m going no contact, cause then she can get closure, she doesn’t deserve that after the things she’s done, she doesn’t get to be at peace with her abuse. I’m scared. I’m really scared for how she’ll respond or if I’m doing the wrong thing but I realized that when people talk to me and I always question the truth, or when people say something and I always am watching their face trying to find out what they’re feeling, how they’re feeling, and how it can be my fault I realized I’m analyzing my mom in ever person I meet, I’m tired of questioning my reality because she made me think I was crazy, im tired of questioning my friends and my girlfriend all because my mom instilled in me that people can say things they don’t mean, or change their mind and everything you do and say is fine one second and then they’re yelling at u for it the next.
she’s layed down the egg shells in all of my relationships I just never knew because she did it before I got there.
I’m tired. and if I keep her in my life theres no way I can heal, properly at least, im always having guards up and I want to exhale now.
What do I do for bowling? Be quiet? Act like nothing happened? Idk

Sorry if the grammar or structure of the text is strange, English is not my first language.
I wanted to start this story by giving a bit of context. Ever since my cousin (18F) joined the family when my uncle married her mother, she and I (20M) have become close, even though we only met a few times. We developed a nice connection, watching some movies together, playing RPG with friends, and having interesting and deep conversations about various topics.
Over time, I started noticing that she was acting more "intimate". Back then, I brushed it off, telling myself that this was just her way. However, when I realized that she probably liked me not just as a cousin, it affected me psychologically because I didn't have romantic feelings for her. I've never dated anyone or even had my first kiss, so I felt a bit confused but also received some attention, which helped with my low self-esteem. Now, I can recognize that in myself.
As time went on, we kept dealing with things this way. When situations got a bit strange, I would leave, make an excuse, or find something to do. I subtly let her know that I liked her as a cousin, but I never said it directly.
With that said, let me give more context about the current situation and how it all happened.
Recently, my house was affected by flooding, which made me lose everything and left me emotionally shaken. I'm currently staying at a family friend's house who offered me a room. This friend had to go out with my cousin's mother to remove his surgery stitches. I went to my room to do my things and prepare for a meeting that would define my current work situation, as I work at the airport and, due to the flooding, activities were halted. She entered the room, sat on the bed, and was shyly quiet. So, I suggested we watch a movie and chat until my meeting. I honestly didn't know what to watch, so we flipped through various movies and series until I suggested one. When we started watching, I noticed she wasn't very excited because she had seen it before. Then, she suggested a romance movie she liked. It's not my type of movie, but since she was visiting, I let it play, and we watched it while hugging.
As we talked and laughed together, the atmosphere started to get warmer. In my mind, I rationally didn't want to continue that way to avoid making things weird between us. But as she got closer and I didn't reject her small advances, when she was face-to-face with me, it felt like I had two voices in my head: one wanting to kiss her casually and another saying the right thing was to refuse and leave the situation.
On impulse, I asked if I could kiss her. My cousin looked a bit surprised but didn't refuse or kiss me either. I got the impression that I was rejected, and despite the adrenaline rush, I felt relieved that I only had to deal with the awkwardness of asking without actually kissing her. I hugged her and apologized, saying, "Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking, it's going to be a bit weird now, huh?" Then she lifted her head, and we kissed for a few seconds. It was a strange and not at all good kiss, but I'm not a good reference since it was my first real kiss. I felt weird afterward, a sense of guilt and shame. I realized she felt the same way. I apologized and explained that it was totally impulsive because I didn't feel anything beyond the physical part of the kiss, just guilt and shame. That's when I realized I had messed up because I didn't feel anything romantic for her, and it seemed to mean something different to her. I apologized again until she said it was okay, that it was no problem, and we could forget about it.
We stayed silent in the room for about five minutes, each in our own corner, awkwardly quiet. The guilt of having done something that could hurt her feelings, knowing she had dealt with depression before, put me in a position I didn't want to be in. So, I gathered courage and asked, "Look, like I said before, we shouldn't have done that. But I need to know, why did you kiss me? I'm not blaming you, but I just need to know." I asked to understand why she continued the kiss. I hoped she would tell me it was also an impulse and that it didn't mean anything. But unfortunately, she replied, "Maybe because I like you, I don't know."
That left my heart and mind heavy. I kissed someone I didn't like, and on top of that, it was my cousin. I know it was irresponsible and immature on my part, something that others will probably see as "childish". But I really don't feel anything romantic for her and just want to make sure she won't be hurt psychologically and physically after this.
Should I have said something I didn't? Should I accept that I messed up and live with it? Should I distance myself from her and never see her again, hoping this will fade from my memory? Was I a jerk for doing this to her, even having a slight intuition that she liked me?
Honestly, I don't even know how to deal with this now. I don't know if I should say something or pretend nothing happened and live my life, if I should ignore her, or if I should talk to her. I don't want to blow this situation up more than it already is. It was something that happened that shouldn't have, and it's totally my fault.
I'm not sure, I just wish I could go back in time and undo or even erase it from our memories.
PS: Sorry if this all sounds too childish, but it's really difficult for me to deal with, being the first time something like this has happened to me. Even though my parents are open-minded people, they would disapprove of me kissing my cousin, but they would still help and guide me through this situation. However, I can't even imagine how to talk to them about it, I feel so much shame and guilt.

"Market's Start to Bleed after announcing hitting ATH's amid $GME decline"
As today's financial markets face unprecedented volatility, it's crucial to scrutinize the actors behind the scenes—mainstream media, hedge funds, and analysts—who continue to manipulate narratives to their advantage. The S&P 500, Dow Jones Industrial Average, Nasdaq, and major cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin (BTC), Ethereum (ETH), and even Tether, supposedly a stable currency pegged to the US Dollar, are experiencing significant downturns. Meanwhile, GameStop (GME) remains a unique focal point, persistently targeted by naked short selling and plagued by suspicious "technical glitches" that conceal massive price spikes, despite being subject to Short Sale Restrictions (SSR).
Mainstream media has long been complicit in shaping public perception to favor institutional interests. Financial news outlets often amplify narratives that benefit hedge funds and big investors, creating a biased outlook that misleads retail investors. During market downturns, media reports tend to exaggerate negative sentiments around cryptocurrencies and tech stocks, triggering panic selling. This manipulation isn't just harmful; it skews the entire market landscape. The incessant negative reporting on GME during its unprecedented rise was a clear attempt to dissuade retail investors from holding their positions, benefiting the short-sellers.
Hedge funds have been notorious for their aggressive short-selling strategies, particularly targeting companies like GME. These institutions employ analysts who craft bearish reports, inciting fear and uncertainty. This coordinated effort not only depresses stock prices but also allows hedge funds to profit massively from market declines. The persistent naked short selling of GME, despite regulations, highlights a blatant disregard for market integrity. These illegal practices continue unabated, often overlooked or inadequately addressed by regulatory bodies. Analysts' reports frequently downplay the potential of stocks that are heavily shorted by their firms, perpetuating a cycle of manipulation.
The current bleeding of cryptocurrencies like BTC and ETH, along with the unexpected dip in Tether, underscores the fragile nature of these markets under manipulative pressures. While the decentralized nature of cryptocurrencies was designed to provide a hedge against traditional financial systems, they are not immune to the same tactics that plague the stock market. Negative media coverage, combined with strategic selling by institutional players, has led to significant volatility and loss of investor confidence. This manipulation mirrors the tactics used in the stock market, showing that even new financial systems are vulnerable to old tricks.
In contrast, GameStop stands as a symbol of retail investor resilience and the ongoing battle against financial manipulation. Despite being heavily shorted and subjected to repeated technical glitches that obscure true market behavior, GME has shown remarkable tenacity. The retail investor community, rallying around $GME, has continuously exposed the fraudulent practices of hedge funds and demanded greater transparency and accountability. This movement has shed light on the broader issues of market manipulation and the need for regulatory reform to protect the interests of individual investors.
The current state of financial markets demands a critical reassessment of the roles played by mainstream media, hedge funds, and analysts. For too long, these entities have exploited their influence to distort market realities, often at the expense of everyday investors. Regulatory bodies must enforce stricter measures to curb illegal activities like naked short selling and ensure that media outlets provide unbiased, fact-based reporting. Retail investors must remain vigilant, educating themselves and leveraging community platforms to share information and counteract misinformation. The $GME movement exemplifies the power of collective action in challenging entrenched financial systems and promoting a fairer, more transparent market environment.
As the markets continue to evolve, it's imperative that all stakeholders strive for greater integrity and accountability, ensuring that the financial system works for everyone, not just the privileged few. By addressing these systemic issues, we can hope to create a more equitable and stable financial landscape for future generations.

I’ve (21F) been in a relationship with my boyfriend (21M) for roughly 6 months. We have talked about wanting a future together, and I do see one with him, and I love him. But sometimes I just feel like the feeling isn’t mutual. He says he loves me often. He does things to show he does too, but my issue is, there is a significant lack in effort from when we first started dating to now. And I just feel like at only 6 months in, this shouldn’t be an issue. I can’t recall the last time he planned a date. He used to get me flowers every couple of weeks, he hasn’t gotten me flowers since December. He used to send me paragraphs often expressing his affection and love for me and I can’t remember the last time that happened either. We used to text every minute of every day, and now he goes hours without texting me back. It just feels shitty. Just the other day he said he wanted to text me more and talk to me more, but has yet to follow through on that. I just don’t know what to do. I’m not dumb, and I’ve been in more long term relationships and serious relationships than this one and I know that the “honeymoon” stage wears off. I don’t expect him to do something for me everyday. It would just be nice if I felt important sometimes. I think it’s also worth mentioning that we spend a lot of time together, I work full time, and he is in school full time. Just to give an idea of our schedules. But is this something I should talk to him about? Or should I just leave? I don’t want to leave, but I don’t want to beg him for the bare minimum either.
EDIT: I’d also like to mention that at times I feel like he’s only with me for sexual purposes. We have regular sex. We both have high sex drives. But it just feels like he is always grabbing on me or making sexual comments and it makes me wonder if he actually loves me or just is using me. Currently, as I’m typing this, I have a 102 degree fever and he jokingly told me to sit on his face. Just feels like the worst possible time to say something like that Lol.

Prologue

Hello and welcome to my post. I will subdivide this into two large parts. One will cover my thoughts, feelings, my hopes and dreams...While the other will tell you the specifics of how I pass the time, what topics interest me, what passions do I posses. I believe that at the end of this leap into my inner world, you dear reader, will have all the necessary information to judge whether we are compatible or not.

Part I
I am writing this in the hopes of finding something that I lack. Lately I have had this feeling, this tinge of melancholy within the dephts of my being, this yearning to find a kindred spirit, another Soul, much like mine, to form a bond with. Perhaps Loneliness is the right word for what is bothering me, but to use it seems to carry with it a connotation of ungratefulness. Ungratefulness for the people that I do have in my life, although none of them, of course, have the connection to me that I seek here.

I have found it increasingly necessary to seek in this Life a sort of purity of thought. What I mean is, I have began to undestand what ideas and concepts are ultimately compatible with my inner most Self, ergo what guidelines I have to follow to feel the most whole. Naturally I have likewise realised what I cannot add to my Self and what I will henceforth reject with all the power that I posses.

With this new context in mind, I now follow on the path of self improvement. I will now begin to mold my Self into my perfected idea of how the Self should be. This is certainly a significant undertaking, one that will not be easy to follow through on but one that I ultimately have to do. To me such context is essential. It is akin to a Guiding Star shining in the night. I will follow this Star for without it I am lost in the vast Darkness.

Looking back at my life, it was suboptimal, especially if one compares the way it molded me to how I will now mold myself. I suppose I must look on with a hint of regret at all that time which one might consider to be lost. Still... I try to stave off such decisively negative interpretations, after all, I have ultimately came to these conclusions. That means that somewhere along the line I had to have picked up on enough of such ideas for them to become so cemented in my consciousness. Well, either that or I was always like this, but in that case I can at least thank my life up to this point for not being able to supress such manifestations of my inner most Self.

To add to the topic of my life, I must admit that not all the battles have yet been won, not all the Demons vanquished, not every Mountain climbed. I want you to keep such things in mind when deciding whether or not to approach me. Many will shy away, I undestand that much, but the pursuit of true Companionship is just another such battle. Having said all that I do believe that being able to overcome hurdles together carries with it a certain appeal. That is to say, what's the fun in joining once the Game is already over?

I don't shy away from such challenges, perhaps to a fault. Certain troubles that I faced in the past carry with them a long shadow over my current health and well being. Still, I intend to change little in this regard other than the proficiency with which I will clash the current of my Will against the cliffs of Life.
Part II
In this part of my post I will tell you about my interests and hobbies, I will try to be thorough, commonality in this regard is rather important to build a relationship
History. I have had an interest in history for almost a decade now, it started back in school and developed from there. Well, now that I think about it one could argue that it started even earlier in my life as I liked watching the odd historic documentary or film aired on television but it wasn't regular back then, I never actively sought it out. I am mostly interested in European history in the period between the 18th-20th century but I sometimes branch out to other time periods and other parts of the world. I watch various channels related to history and read articles and sometimes books. I have recently got a few books on the German revolution of 1848/1849 and a historical magazine on the Thirty Years' War. Besides that I try to visit museums sometimes.
Literature. Especially old novels. I like to immerse myself in the Worlds of these books, I tend to read them while listening to thematically fitting music and take my time with them. One time you are following a troubled Youth in his quest for spiritual understanding of the world, another you see the aged and decrepit Doctor gambling his very Soul on the promises of abtaining satisfaction in earthy pleasures, then again your olfaction notices the most pleasant scent known to man even as the one eminating it has the appearance of a revolting Frog. These and many other stories open up to you once you decide to set foot into the literary World.
Languages. I know three, with one being a bit rusty. I am currently working intently on strengthening it. I believe that if I continue to apply myself in this regard then I should be able to finally conquer it. What language am I working on? Well, if you were to stack all the major works in it they would be as tall as a house... It is fun to go through different works in multiple languages, the same goes for film, games and such.
Games. I recently played Cyberpunk 2077. Well as recently as I played any major story centric game. Now that the dust has settled and the bugs mostly removed...It's not that bad. The main questline at least. Besides that I tried Fallout 76 (Very average, I'm dissapointed with what they made the "RPG" system) and I might give Deus Ex Manking Divided another spin (since it's somewhat similar to Cyberpunk when it comes to its aesthetics). Dark Souls is one of my favorite series, I still haven't beaten Elden Ring though. When it came out I wasn't in the right mindset to invest a hundred hours into it, with all those bosses and difficult locations. I think I'll only consider playing it if I am streaming it to someone. I am generally interested in either streaming games or having the person I am talking to stream them to me. To be specific I mean streaming to a single person while being on call. Besides that I'm a big fan of Paradox strategy games, especially Europa Universalis IV and Heats of Iron IV, I tend to only play single player since I find multiplayer with many people to be rather stressful but on the other hand I have nothing against a co-op game. I'm not the best player though, despite the ammount of hours I have in them. Another great game I would mention would be Dragon's Dogma. A very underrated RPG. I recently beat it again and it was an atmospheric and interesting experience. It is one of those games that feel like they have an endless ammount of depth and constant new secrets to discover.
Anime and Manga. In recent times my interest in them has waned but I still watch the occasional series here and there. Like Cyberpunk Edgerunners (Which I found to be rather mediocre) and the very good first season from the new arc of Bleach. Some of my favourite series include: Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Death Note, Fate;Zero, Psycho Pass, Code Geass and Attack on Titan. I wouldn't mind if you were to introduce me to some new series, maybe based on the ones I mentioned. My favourite Manga is Berserk which I still follow, althought I am still not certain on the direction that the new author is taking. I suppose it really is a matter of contention whether a somewhat (or considerably warped) vision is better than an unfinished work. One could argue that a few novels remain unfinished and possess a macabre appeal to them as such.
Music. Classical music has a very special place in my heart. A few of my favourite pieces would be: Clair de Lune, Nocturne Op. 9 No.2, Devil's Trill Sonata, Danse Macabre, Valse Sentimentale, Symphony No. 7 in A Major, Op. 92: II. Alegreto (by Beethoven) and Suite from Swan Lake, Op. 20a: I. Scene. Moderato. There are more but these ones always invoke something in me when I listen to them. Besides Classical I also enjoy listening to Synthwave, old Western pop and J-pop, both modern and from the 20th century.
Esotericism. I am interested in things spiritual, mystical, magical and esoteric. I have read religios texts, magical grimoires, introductions to various schools of thought. It is interesting to me.
Epilogue
Hopefully I was able to cast the spotlight upon my inner World in a clear and unequivocal manner. I feel the need to add to the aforementioned that I am rather introverted, which means that I tend to dislike large social gatherings. I managed to condition myself to be able to endure the presense of large groups of people but it isn't something that I would seek out in most cases. Besides that I am neurodivergent and suffer from certain issues with mental health. I have to take medication to keep myself under control. They work well enough but certain days are harder than others. I respect the struggle that others have with mental health but in the context of a relationship I have my limits, no one with BDP for instance. I am also not looking for anything casual. I understand than one cannot demand depth and meaning from a conversation with an absolute stranger, that is akin to trying to build a sand castle right before the waves strike but I ask at least that you enter with a mindset that this might become something of significance. I also do want to say that I am completely Monogamous. My preference? The sickly, pale, intellectual who watches rain droplets slide down the window in Autumn. Lastly, if I enjoy the company of a person I tend to not want to let them go.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and have a good day. I ask that you send a DM instead of a chat and that you give the English translation of my title in the opening of your message.
Goodbye...Or perhaps untill we meet again

So my boyfriend emotionally cheated on me with one of his friends for about 7-8 months. After those 7-8 months he still would like her posts on social media and continued following her and stuff. 2-3 months after this he finally unfollowed her on social media but he wouldnt block her. We eventually broke up over a lot of different things but we got back together 2 months ago. My boyfriend finally did block her and hes been getting help for his mental health and things have been really good. He has worked on his communication and the way he treated me and nothing of this nature has happened again and i trust that it wont. The problem is that this girl (she knew we were together by the way) is in my friend group and if i cut her off or unfollow her it will create a problem and im afraid my friends will leave me so i cant escape this constant trigger. She also made herself into the victim to the point where she convinced one of my friends that i somehow owed her an apology for her constantly texting my boyfriend about sex and flaunting in my face that my boyfriend was more emotionally open and comfortable with her than me. She also has been really hostile towards me and has openly made fun of me for being autistic and talks down to me when in group settings. Me and my boyfriend have talked a lot about what has happened and he has done a lot to rectify it and show me that i can trust him and that he loves me but this girl has treated me terribly and has done nothing but make me feel worse about this situation that i know isnt my fault and i didnt deserve to be cheated on. I need help finding a way to move past what happened and get her out of my head!!! Any help is much appreciated im just really sick of feeling inadequate and like a second choice.
Important to note im not in contact with her i just see her on social media and i cant really get rid of her :(

Will keep it short me and my ex we met in university when we were 18 we were friends, best friends i would say before we started dating at 21. He used to like one of my friend lets call her M 2 years before we started dating (he said he was over her but he wasn’t). So the relationship was not that great he was abusive or said harsh stuff to me and would tell how M is so pretty or for that matter any girl breathing around him was prettier than me on my face this took a toll on my mental health but i was so in love i ignored everything. The final straw leading to breakup was he said he never for the time we were friends or were in relationship ever trusted me and always suspected of me sleeping around (i have never cheated as i believe cheaters deserve hell). Btw he cheated on me. So the problem comes is its been 3 yrs since we broke up. My ex has reached out on various occasions saying he is a changed man and wants us to be back together which I obviously denied the thing is he always texted me on occasions where i was feeling like i was over him or a day/week before i was gonna go on date. It always puzzled me how he reached at that particular moment as it would send me back to that downward spiral. Short story my close friend claiming she is like my sister was the one feeding him information about my life events where i was what i was upto. When i told her about my ex reaching out few days back she said i should give him a chance and all bs it confused me as she knew about the abuse and trauma so i asked her why is she supporting him and she said oh i spoke to him and am keeping him updated about you as I believe you guys are the one for each other and you should be together. I texted her asking to leave me alone i quit all my social media accounts as of now but she is still trying to reach out stating she was thinking the best for me. So AITHA for telling her to stop texting me

I'm a 29 year old male and i will try to summarize the horrendous situation I find myself without leaving to many crucial details out. I was with my ex girlfriend for nearly 6 years. The red flags were present fromn the beggining but looking back I had no way to understand what they were at the time partly due to my young nievete and partly due to the fact that coming from a emotijallyabusive household I had normalized many of the more subtle behaviors and therefore they fell within a blindspot of my cognitive distortions at the time. From the very start she would begin punching herself in her own head if i ever became upset with her in any way or during any attempt to verbally work a problem out. I thought she was just a bit flippant and intense. Dare I say I almost found it attractive in a strange sense. She was and still to this day, stunningly beautiful and menacingly seductive and knows how she can have a significant effect on males especially without doing very much in the way of actions. Fast forward she unknown to me at the time discontinued her birth contorll pills while still assuring me she was taking them and ultimetly lied by telling me she had just to fund out she had become pregnant herself after missing a period. We were both in our mid to early 20s still more or less financially dependant on our parents and were living on public city streets in our tow behind rv with our 2 dogs. She was idealizing me and to be frank I remebr this period of time as the happiest iv been eever before and up untill now. This memory of "happiness" I think was the biggest reason it took me so long to finally start trying to advocate for my self respect instead of hanging my head and just ignoring the abuse so that I would get the sweet reward of psedo- intimacy with her a few times a week. Despite my fond memories looking back I see now what could only be described as patterns if coercive control that seriously escalated over the 5 years we were in a relationship with each other and included her beggining to cheat early on and the resulting systemic lies and relational damage from needing to formulate and bend the nature of reality around those lies. Her hot and cold treatment of me with any postive(hot) behavior usually at least in the last few years being exclusively sexual in nature and cold behavior usually manifesting as her stonewalling me and or simply disappearing for multiple days at a time sometimes. The day my son was born i accompanied her to the hospital and sat with her the entire time helped her push ans enouraged her with love. She treated me with indifference and disdain. Once our wonderful little boy came along this a became even worse. The sense that she was making it about him and her vs everyone else including me was strong. She became quite introverted secretive and "cliquey" with my newborn and at the same time seemed to loose all desire to be physically or emotionally intimate with me. (Of course i gave her plenty of time and space right after she gave birth amd was understanding that it might be a while before things were back to normal).it was almost like she had a new partner-our child. she refused to fully move in to the apartment my grandparents had spent a huge amint of money on to give us a chance at raising our soon in a healthy environment. She would start random and seemingly pointless arguments often escalating into her screaming mean things at me innfront of our 3 month old son like she ****ed me and then raging followed by quickly slamming the door and taking our infant son backto her mother's house where she would stonewall me for a few days then send me. A message that emotionally blackmailed me into taking full blame for the rupture and apologizing profusely. In addition she did not trust me with our son but had no reason not too and as a result gatekept him in an extremely overcintrolling and damaging(for him and for me) manner. to this day (he is 3.5] I have never spent the night alone with him and have had him 1 on 1 dad and son time signifigantly less than I should have and not for lack of trying on my part. Despite her overcontrolling coercive sabatoging and alienating actions my son and I formed a loving and beautiful bond that up untill I saw him last a few months ago has amazingly endured through the storm. The tradegy goes on and on but to wrap up ultimitely she purposefully betrayed me by starting a relationship with my good friend and had him suggest to me that he should move in so he became my roommate all the while lying to my roommate that I ht her and simultaneously having him report back to her on my whereabouts at any Givin time and the things I said about her when venting after a prticulringly humiliating attempt to see my son or similar interaction and also give her info about what I was doing during the day. He became quite controlling himself and severed to further isolate me from people that weren't trying to ruin my life. They started to play mindgames with me that ibsee now attempts to gage how much I knew or suspected about what was going on. Mind you my son who was around 2 at this point was privy to the whole thing it was only kept a secret from me and due to this my son was coached to not tell me about it although what was actually said I will never know. Eventually a mutual friend of my roommate and I reached out and told me he had seen my roommate "playing dad" with my girl and son at dollar tree that day. I remebrr that day I sat at a local park in my car sullen and confused having been led on via sms from her only to randomly stop responding and never managing to get any time with my son. This sort of thing had become a regular occurance She then began withholding my son all togethar simply not answering at all or lying about him being asleep ridiculously early in the afternoon etc etc. My own parents failed to suppprt me and are still failing to show any sort of care other than somehwat monitarily. In fact my mom and her were two peas in a pod and my mom activly participated in the emotional abuse partly becauee of being manipulated by her partly because my mother is emotionally abusive. If I had better support or access to court resources at the time I'm confident things would have gone much differently but I was so isolated and lonely and in a deep state of despair at this point and the only thing I still was enduring for was the brief and inconsistent times i got with my boy whom I love more than life itself. I managed to get a hold of her via phone at this point and said i was going to go to court and pursue custody since she seemed unwilling to value my valid role as father. Her mom and her immediately became overly nice and invited me over where they sat me down and offered to make a visitation schedule and kindly suggested I dident go to court. It wasent much but it was signifgantly more respect than I had been shown any instance prior so I gobbled up the manipulations and left feeling invigorated and hopeful. The schedule was never adhered too and within a few days it was back to me not even be able to get a hold of her let alone see my son. The final day I saw him before things blew up I went over to her house in the evening. My son wanted to play hot wheels so we began to line them up on the floor but my ex was hovering over us with a hostile air. I asked if we could have some space or if at least she could sit down and play with us and she just kept standing there glaring at me. This made me uncomfortable and my son noticed this by sayig daddy play with me! Upon hearing this she in a angry tone said "play with your effin kid isent that what you wanted to do soooooo badly" right in front of him. I asked not to be spoken to in front of him like that and she went and got her mom and started whispering abut me to her mom in the hallway while they watched my son and I. I got up and said I'm leaving this is innappropriate and she said "wow that checks out you harrass me to see your son and then you don't even wanna see him. how pathetic and typical" " you just want to stress me out dont you" you don't actually give 2 you know what's about him" right in front of my son again. I speechlessly went to leave and my son comes running after me begging me to wait. I'm on the verge of tears and i picked him up cherishing how warm he was and how lovingly he was clinging to me. I tentatively requested I be allowed to go for a walk with him around the block and her mom this time dismissively says ya go and shoos us out the door. I get down the driveway and my ex comes sprinting out of the house tears streaming down her face and a look of rage and starts hitting me while I'm holding our son. Amazingly he start4d pushing her away saying mommy stop mommy stop. She says you have 5 minutes or I'm calling the cops and goes back in. I walk him around the block and say "mommy's feeling sad right now but it doesn't mean that either one of us loves you any more or any less than we used to and it's absolutely not your fault." I go back inside and without saying anything I walk up to her and give her a hug wich my son joins in too. All the sudden she is happy again and trying to speak to me in a casual tone but I basically just leave without saying much else. After this a week of no contact with my son occurs which at the time was the longest we had gone apart I felt like I had no choice but to confront her and assert my rights AGAIN although looking back I feel terribley silly for thinking she was going to repsect me at that point. Keep in mind i ALWAYS was extrmely respectful of her space and never would just show up at her moms house even though our relationahip by many accounts was more than informal ennough to make an occasionaI drop in to say hi. In addition she on Many occasions had told me that I could just come by if she didn't Answer her phone or simular situation arose. I texted her I was coming by to say goodnight to my son and phrased it as a statement not a question or request. I was already on the way when I sent the message and so I arrived (unintentionally)before her being able to fully respond to it to see my romate come running out of the front door (this is when I first had proof ab about all the stuff I mentioned earlier about their secret relationship) and go hide in the bushes, her poke her head out the door and then shut and lock it and turn all the lights in the house out and close the blinds. I walk up to the door and knock to no avail and so I confront her about what i know and saw via sms. She directly denies all my proof and accusations and then after calling me crazy and a stalker blocks me on all channels of communication. I go back to my car and collapse in tears and ultimtly fall asleep. I wake up to see her quickly shoving a duffel bag and my son into her moms car and her and my roommate get in and she pulls quickly away. Upon passing me on her way to the main road she becomes aware that im still there in my car and she burns rubber and begins driving extremely fast and erratically. In a moment of panic I knew she was probably trying to go into hiding with my son to prevent me from evrr seeing him again and I fearing for the safety of my son and our relationship I regrettably felt compelled to follow. We got on the freeway where she initiatied speeds of 100 plus miles perhour weaving in between semi's and this sort of thing continued d for an hour in the interim I had called 911 and also she had pulled up too a gas station casually got out and pumped gas upon her getting back in the car I witnessed my roommate making derogatory and taunting sexual gestures referring to my ex and also what i can only describe as cuddling with my son in the back seat and became enraged and made some threatening motions with a large wooden shovel handle while standing next to her car that were directed at my betraying friend and I feel terrible for doing in front of my child but in the moment I was so desperate and upset by the psychological torture i had been through it clouded my normally good judgment. In the end the police couldn't locate us due to my 911 call continually being transfered fron highway patrol dispatch back to whatever city we were in at the times dispatch. Also ultimetly no physical harm or even any other attempts happend or anything to anyone of the people involved and eventually I gave up and drove back to my hometown. She immediately filed for a domestic violence restraining order and used a recording she took of me looking aggressive and threatening outside her car as proof im abusive and violent even though i have never been either of those things. Especially not violent. I may not have been the most mature or experienced or attentive partner for some of our relationship but anything I did was truly a far cry from the serious emotional anguish I have ben subjected to here and not abusive. I did not lie, cheat,manipulate, gaslight, trick, triangulate, turn family againts or ever feel superior or entitled to harm or use her in any way. I loved her and she did all those to me and now is trying to steal the most precious thing I have left in the world from me so she can emotionally scar him with her idea of what good parenting is which in truth is emotional abuse.. She moved my old roommate in to her moms house full time the very next day and from what I hear they both are abusing meth and who knows what else currently plus this guy is not somone that is safe around my son to that degree. He is not a healthy safe adult for such a young boy and in addition he is vindictive and dislikes me mostly because my ex told him I hit her and abused her which are absolutely complete lies. I'm facing a situation now where I have to sit by and watch my son turned agsints me and withheld from me and abused and eveyone treats me like im the abuser. I have tried to contact every dv organization in my local area and as soon as they hear what happend it's almost like I can Feel the switch flip and in the moment it's evident that all the abuse that I had recounted surviving through doesn't matter because I'm some "unhinged abusive guy that chases people down the freeway" eveyone I have reached out to locally has invalidated me and berrated me for "what I did" and successfully pathologized what I consider to be a huge mistake that I feel very regretful for loosing my composure but also a rather understandable emotional reaction to severe mistreatment and fear for my son. I'm beggining to feel so isolated riding the emotional Rollercoaster of self doubt and powerlessness that this abuse at the hands of my ex but dare I say worse yet the abuse by way of victim blame and invalidation from these people and organizations that exist to help dv survivors has caused me. which because I reacted I'm not worthy of being included as a survivor. Cn you offer any advice or support or suggestions? I'm terrified for my sons wellbeing currently and haven't been able to see him in going on 2.5 months now clear and to be clear the domestic violence restraining order is still temporary. I have the final hearing in August.i

I will preface this long winded anecdote with this. I reached out to Dee Dee after her live to see if she wanted to have a conversation, she said, FU.
Dee Dee and I mutually flirted with one another. illy was always in our calls when it happened. Illy is a very good person and gets shocked easily, so the flirting always made her turn red. Things were said on both of our parts that might make people blush, but it was always mutual and honestly made us laugh.
Did I ask Dee Dee if she liked me, one time? Yes, because she was flirting with me. Did she say no? Yes, and I let it go. She has often times in our 3 way FaceTimes, asked me to come cuddle with her. We mutually discussed that if we ever met, we might go “there” if you know, you know, but that was it. I never had a thing for Dee Dee. It was fun to flirt but I think in all our times talking face to face, we only talked privately a couple times and there was no flirting going on.
I stopped talking to Dee Dee because she had stopped talking and I heard she had been telling people she stopped talking to “us” because she was tired of being the only one to reach out. I have proof of the contrary. I have many many texts where myself or myself and illy reached out to her daily asking how her Mother was, long after her Mother was out of the hospital. I sent her a cheese cake for her birthday, I participated in the act of love for the homeless.
To hear that she stepped away from lack of communication on my part or illy and my part, is ludicrous. I believe she stepped away because I simply said these words to her in a 3 way call. I like Christine, I think she’s a good person. as Dee Dee was talking about their friendship being over. She got cold and distant from that point on. I then heard she told people that I was being “vile” with flirting. If I remember correctly, it was she who mentioned pulling her hair and taking her from behind and that was said in front of illy and we laughed. That’s for context only BTW.
As far as mocking her spirituality, Dee Dee has always professed her love for God, I just found her character to be questionable, and realized she had been manipulating situations, not her ability to have a relationship with God. As far as her relationship with Christine or any of this money business, I have no knowledge personally. She’s never “purposefully” asked me for anything.

I think No matter how undcomfortable u think it is/feels, u owe it to the person to sit down and say it face to face, regardless of any. If u ever were in a relationship were u would fear phisycal harm, it's excused.
Why do some think its okay to end things over text? Have u ever done it? and what was your reasons to go about it that way?
Im mostly interrested hearing from people who have done it, but every body is ofc welcome. Also people finding them self being in that situation, did u ever get any answers, explanation ore just response? How did u generely feel about it?

You know what the best part is about playing Engineer in Team Fortress 2? You get to watch how angry everyone gets when they get shot by your sentry guns. Me and my best friend Jose both main Engineer, and can confirm that the best way to spend your Friday nights after school is to set up a sentry and get ready for the rage. There’s been matches where we haven’t even used our actual guns even once, but racked up lots of kills just because of the sentries.
One day Jose called me up with an idea that was either going to be the stupidest thing ever or the smartest thing ever. He wanted to fill an entire team with only Engineers and watch the chaos unfold. I couldn’t stop laughing at the mental image in my head and agreed with the plan. I joined a Discord server with everyone else on the team.
I convinced my cousin Matthew to join, and he in turn brought along his little brother Zack. According to Matthew, it took quite a bit of convincing because Zack was a Scout main who couldn’t stand Engineers. He eventually got through to his little brother by promising him a Steam gift card. I even got their dad Graham to play along (yes, I have an uncle who plays TF2. How cool is that?). Jose enlisted his friends, who turned into friends of friends and soon enough we had a team of 16 Engineers.
To say that we caused chaos that night was an absolute understatement. As soon as we joined the game the text chat was flooded with messages from the other team wondering what the hell was going on. And they only got worse from that point on. We surrounded our control points with a ring of sentries that people just kept running into. I saw keyboard smashes and heard other teen boys’ voices crack in rage and many, many words that I personally don’t care to repeat here.
The most skilled Engineer was this guy named Craig, who was a friend of one of Jose’s friends. Not only was he the main person capturing the enemy control points with some very strategically placed teleporters, but he was also really friendly and encouraging to all of us. I didn’t know what he looked like, but from his voice it sounded like he was in his early 20s.
Me and Craig started to chat more and more on Discord. He was a super nice guy who was also really fun to talk with. He took time out of his day to teach me how to be an even better Engineer player. Whenever someone started dissing me in the voice chat, he firmly told them to leave me alone. After seeing my fair share of toxicity in the TF2 community, it was nice to know that this complete stranger was looking out for me.
This whole Team Engineer thing became a weekly tradition for us on Friday nights. It was something everyone could look forward to after work or school. One time after everyone logged off and said their goodbyes, Craig sent a message a few hours later in our Discord:
“You guys gotta check this out. I found the weirdest server ever. It’s literally Engineer heaven. Meet me at vl_sentry.”
I was still in the mood to play and I could stay up late tonight, so I hopped back on TF2. I saw that Jose, Graham and this other girl we played with named Lynn were also online. I found vl_sentry and connected to the server. The map was called Valley of the Sentries and it was created by Valve.
It took my computer a little bit to process the map, and it took me even longer than that to process what I was seeing.
The map looked like a chessboard with 3D-sculpted hills. The sky was just pure white. Not even white walls, just the color white. Every square had a blue sentry on it and there were about 4 or 5 other Engineers jumping around, spamming their voice lines. That’s when I realized that we were the only ones there, and there was no red team.
“Hey Sean, glad you could make it :)” Craig said in the text chat. “What the hell is this?” I asked. He told me that this was a server that one of his friends showed him. The friend said he was introduced to the map by a friend of his who knew someone who worked at Valve. Craig then went on to explain that apparently Valley of the Sentries was an experiment to test the limits of the sentry guns and their effect on the servers. Rumor has it that the map is infinite.
“Check this out.” said Jose. He switched to Heavy and immediately got shot down. All of the sentries turned towards him. There were so many of them that it made the game lag a ton. He respawned as Engineer and the sentries just kept on spinning.
“WTF?” I typed. “We tried it with all the other classes and it does the same thing.” said Craig. “It ignores Engineers, but shoots everyone else.” Lynn added. “And that’s why we’re the best class. Engineer power!” Graham joked.
I asked what would happen if you were to play as Spy and sap one of the sentries. “I tried, but you gotta have a godly reaction time to activate it.” said Jose. As soon as he said “godly reaction time”, I knew I had to try it out just for the bragging rights.
Respawn. Shot down. Respawn. Shot down. Respawn. Shot down.
Yeah, I did not have a godly reaction time. The others kept spamming “lol” in the chat each time I failed. I got annoyed pretty quickly and stopped trying. Then out of nowhere, all the sentries turned away from me and started firing at someone. I turned around and all five of us were still standing there. I looked at the top bar that shows how many characters were in the game. There were only five Engineers and they were all on the same team. So what the hell were the sentries targeting?
I started to walk in the direction that the sentries were facing and Jose followed me too. We moved really slow, not only because of the sentries on every square but also the uphill climbs. It was just us two in the chat for a while, talking about seeing each other back at school on Monday while we made our slow walk across the map. Then our conversation was interrupted by a chat message from Lynn.
“Why is there a man in the sky?”
Me and Jose tried to get to Lynn to see what she was talking about as fast as possible, but we moved like snails. To get back to the spawn point, we both switched classes, instantly died and respawned as Engineers. I don’t think we respawned in the same place we started from. I don’t even know where we respawned. There were no landmarks or notable things to help you find your way. Just hills, valleys, and sentries.
I asked Lynn where she was and she just told me she was with Graham and Craig. Only that wasn’t very helpful because we didn’t know where they were either. We stood there, stumped for a minute and a half until Jose got an idea. He said that she should just switch classes and respawn, because then all of the sentries would point toward her and we could follow them all the way back to her. She made the switch, got shot down, and we instantly knew where to find her.
We finally got close enough to kind of make out the vague shape of a few Engineers over the non-existent horizon. Me and Jose were relieved, until all the sentries pointed to our right. I swiveled around and saw them open fire on…nothing. I checked with Jose to see if he caught something I didn’t, but he also didn’t see what they were shooting at. I decided that it wasn’t that important and continued to walk towards the rest of the group.
We met up with Lynn, Craig and Graham, disappointed that we made that trek all for nothing. Even though we were all together now, it just felt so lonely. The only sound coming from my computer was the constant beeping of the sentries in perfect sync. I don’t know why, but it made me so uneasy. I attempted to break the silence by going to the voice lines and playing the iconic Engineer “Nope” soundbite. It echoed across the checkered land with no response.
It was about 12:30 AM at this point and I was starting to feel more and more unsettled with each passing minute. There was just something about this black and white world that I felt creeped out by. Before Craig invited us to come over, there was no one else on the server. Who would even want to play on this map, anyways? It’s so unfairly balanced that only one class can survive. Movement speed was super slow, and you can’t even really do anything except watch the sentries turn and turn and turn forever. It was like hypnosis, except I didn’t feel sleepy or relaxed at all.
Speaking of being sleepy, Jose said he was getting tired and was going to be logging off. We all said goodbye to him and continued chatting amongst ourselves. It sounds stupid, but my stomach dropped when I saw the fifth Engineer portrait disappear. One less person to talk to. One less person to keep myself from wondering what else was out here. I could have sworn that after he left, the beeping got louder.
“So is this map actually infinite?” asked Graham. “Only one way to find out.” Craig said. “Just keep on walking and see if it goes on forever.” “Why don’t you just fire a shotgun and see how far it goes?” Lynn suggested.
I took out the shotgun and fired. The bullet flew off into the white distance and disappeared.
Then I heard the distinct sound of someone getting shot.
A message appeared in the chat, from someone named sentry_check_pattern.
“sentry_check_pattern: stop that”
Once again I looked at the top bar. It just showed four blue Engineers. That meant we were the only ones on the server. Or so we thought.
The chat was flooded with our confusion, almost as if everyone realized at the same time that something wasn’t right. None of us moved an inch.
“What even is this place?” I asked, hoping that the mysterious user would provide me with an answer. “Must be Engineer heaven.” said Graham.
“sentry_check_pattern: more like my personal hell”
This was the moment that made me trust my intuition. I knew there was a reason why I found this map so creepy. I wanted to leave the server, but there was just one thing keeping me back- my own curiosity. My wish to unveil the mysteries of the Valley of the Sentries.
“Okay this is really freaking me out. See ya guys.” said Lynn before she left the server. The fourth Engineer’s portrait disappeared from the top bar.
No no no, please. Please don’t go. Don’t leave us. I wouldn’t want to be alone here. Now there’s just three of us, and I really hope that number doesn’t go down anymore. When the others were here, this was just a weird TF2 map that we were exploring together as friends. And now it feels like we’re trapped in this infinite world, but we aren’t alone. The only problem is we don’t know what else is here.
I shuddered, imagining Craig and Graham ditching me and leaving me all alone in the Valley of the Sentries. Just me and whoever- no, whatever was talking to us.
“sentry_check_pattern: you don’t know how good you have it
you can leave at any time
i can’t”
This terrified me. What a horrible thought, never being able to leave this place. But of course, no one could really be trapped here. It’s a Team Fortress 2 server. You can just exit the game and shut your computer. No one could be trapped in a video game.
But if you think about it, aren’t the characters themselves trapped? They can’t leave the game. They’re characters. They don’t even know they’re in a game. You or the computer controls all their actions. They don’t have free will. And if you’re bad at the game, they’ll just keep dying over and over again.
Wait, why was I thinking about this?
I carefully considered what I wanted to say next in the chat. Whatever I said could either answer all my burning questions or leave me asking more. But sentry_check_pattern talked first.
“sentry_check_pattern: i was made for one purpose
to die over and over again”
Oh my god. It was like this person read my mind and knew exactly what I was thinking about. Who or what was I talking to? I turned all the way around to make sure that no one else was there. It was just the two blue Engineers standing behind me. Just Graham and Craig. And that man with the checkered skin.
Startled, I asked my friends if they saw what I saw. It took them a second, but both of them confirmed that yes, there was indeed something else there. A basic male model with the same chessboard texture as the map. Graham immediately started to shoot at him. Nothing. It just went straight through him.
“sentry_check_pattern: you can’t kill what’s already been killed millions of times over
valve made that mistake too
every company has that one failed project they don’t talk about
and that’s me”
Whoever was behind this weird account was talking crazy. The Team Fortress 2 developers were very open about everything like fixing their glitches and bugs. They always posted things on the official blog about the development process. They’re so open about their failures and always promise to fix them.
“Stop with the weird stuff. We just wanted to know what the deal is with this server and the weird chess guy. Do you know anything about it?” Graham asked in the text chat.
“sentry_check_pattern: know anything?
you’re not very bright, graham
none of you are
do you not realize where you are and what you’re talking to”
Something about the way sentry_check_pattern used Graham’s name gave me goosebumps. I didn’t know what I was talking to. I didn’t even think I wanted to know at this point.
“sentry_check_pattern: this is one of valve’s test servers
i’m the texture they use to check if the sentries work
read between the lines”
“Quiet, NPC.” Craig said. I laughed a little bit to fight off the awkward tension. Then I reminded myself that I was talking to a video game character, no- not even a character. A blank character model. A texture.
“sentry_check_pattern: just because i’m a character model doesn’t mean i can’t feel pain
open fire”
The sentries all swiveled around to face the man and shot at him. He kept falling to the ground, turning white and standing back up in the same position.
“sentry_check_pattern: cease fire”
All of the sentries stopped shooting and just went back to spinning around, their beeps echoing in the air.
“sentry_check_pattern: ready to see what i’ve been through for over a decade?
open fire”
Before any of us could react, the sentries opened fire on Craig all at once. He kept dying, but he didn’t explode the way you’re supposed to when you die in TF2. He just dropped to the floor, turned white, and respawned over and over again. There was no death scream. I tried to type something else in the chat but the game lagged so much that my typing just ended up as a string of random letters that meant nothing. Craig tried to type something out too. It just ended up as “wwwwwwwwwwthisishowitfeelswwwwwwwww” Then the game crashed and my computer shut down.
I hyperventilated. Then I laughed at myself for hyperventilating over a stupid computer game. It was Team Fortress 2 for god’s sake. That game with all the memes and goofy jokes. Stupid, stupid Sean. Scared of a character model. Jose would never let me live it down. I just laughed and laughed to push the fear away.
I closed my laptop and took out my phone to rewatch all of my favorite TF2 animations for the millionth time. As if they weren’t already the funniest things in the world, I forced myself to laugh even harder than usual. Every time I saw the Engineer, I couldn’t help but look at the reflection in his goggles. The reflection of an endless map of black and white squares.
Thankfully, nothing bad happened to my game, account or laptop. The next day I just went right back to playing and enjoying the rage coming from all the people who ran right into my sentries.
Team Engineer was still a thing, but it was never really the same. We played together a lot less frequently. It was still a lot of fun, but I felt a change that I couldn’t really describe.
We found out that Craig had lost all progress on his TF2 account. Everyone gifted him all his favorite cosmetics and we all pooled our money together to get him a Steam gift card. He video called us, crying at our kindness. It was the first time I ever even saw his face. He was a lot older than most of us. If I had to guess an age, I’d say somewhere around 30. He had black bangs and was wearing a TF2 shirt. His room was dark, only lit by his glowing computer screen. He thanked us repeatedly and even tried to return the gift card, but we were all adamant that he should keep it.
Speaking of Craig, we still kept in touch but he didn’t talk to me as much anymore. Any time I tried to ask him about vl_sentry, he ignored me for a few days.
The other day, I got some postcards from my cousin Matthew. He was very academic and happened to be studying at a private high school about 9 hours away from where I live. All of his postcards were pictures of him making funny faces with all his friends at favorite school activities like robotics, debate team, and chess club.
I looked at the chess club photo closely. Matthew and his friends were standing in front of a chessboard with a mirror on the wall. And for a split second, I could have sworn that the chessboard looked different in the mirror. It looked warped, like it wasn’t a flat board anymore. Like it almost had hills and valleys. No, it couldn’t be. I rubbed my eyes. There, in the mirror was a checkered man. I knew it was there. I swear on my mother’s life that there was another person in that photo. And then it was gone. Maybe the picture was just printed badly. But I had to make sure my eyes were right.
So I brought the postcard to school with me and I showed Jose. I asked him if he saw the checkered man in the mirror. He said no. But that wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear. That was the answer I hoped I wouldn’t hear. I asked him again. He said no again. Then I asked him another time. He said I was being annoying. So I asked another one of my friends. He said no too. So I moved on to yet another friend. He told me to stop.
I angrily clutched the postcard in my hand, crumpling it. I was the only one that saw what was really there. Everyone else was lying to me. They refused to see the truth.
I screamed and ripped up the postcard. I stomped on its pieces. I rubbed them in the dirt for good measure.
Somewhere in the distance, I heard the sound of electronics beeping.
It rang in my ears.
It was weirdly comforting to me.
You can leave the Valley of the Sentries. But the valley will never leave you.

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Les jeux de table sont une forme de divertissement populaire qui existe depuis des siècles. Que ce soit en famille, entre amis ou même en solitaire, les jeux de table offrent une expérience ludique et stimulante pour les joueurs de tous âges.
Les jeux de table peuvent varier en termes de complexité et de stratégie, allant des jeux simples de dés et de cartes aux jeux plus élaborés nécessitant une réflexion approfondie et une planification stratégique. Certains des jeux de table les plus populaires incluent le Monopoly, les échecs, le Scrabble, le Risk et bien d'autres.
En plus d'être amusants, les jeux de table offrent également de nombreux avantages pour les joueurs. Ils peuvent aider à développer des compétences sociales telles que la communication, la coopération et la gestion des conflits. De plus, ils stimulent la pensée critique, la prise de décision et la résolution de problèmes, ce qui en fait une activité idéale pour exercer l'esprit.
Que vous recherchiez un moyen de vous détendre après une longue journée ou que vous souhaitiez défier vos amis à une partie compétitive, les jeux de table offrent une infinité de possibilités. Alors, rassemblez vos proches, sortez vos jeux préférés et préparez-vous à passer des heures de plaisir et de divertissement avec les jeux de table.
Machines à sous
Les machines à sous, également connues sous le nom de slots, sont des jeux de hasard très populaires dans les casinos physiques et en ligne. Ces jeux sont souvent reconnaissables par leurs rouleaux colorés et leurs effets sonores excitants. Les machines à sous offrent une expérience ludique et divertissante pour les joueurs de tous âges.
Le principe des machines à sous est simple : le joueur insère de l'argent dans la machine, actionne le levier ou appuie sur un bouton, et les rouleaux se mettent à tourner. L'objectif est d'obtenir une combinaison gagnante afin de remporter des gains en fonction des symboles alignés. Les machines à sous peuvent proposer différents thèmes, allant de l'Égypte ancienne aux aventures spatiales, en passant par les animaux sauvages ou les célébrités.
Grâce aux avancées technologiques, les machines à sous sont devenues de plus en plus interactives et innovantes. Certaines intègrent des animations 3D, des mini-jeux bonus ou des jackpots progressifs, offrant ainsi des expériences de jeu toujours plus captivantes. De plus, de nombreux casinos en ligne proposent une grande variété de machines à sous, accessibles 24 heures sur 24 et depuis n'importe quel endroit.
Les machines à sous font partie intégrante de l'univers du jeu et continuent de séduire les joueurs du monde entier par leur simplicité d'utilisation et leurs possibilités de gains alléchantes. Que ce soit pour passer un moment de détente ou tenter sa chance pour décrocher le jackpot, les machines à sous restent un incontournable des casinos, qu'ils soient physiques ou virtuels.
Service clientèle
Le service clientèle joue un rôle crucial dans la satisfaction des clients et la rétention des affaires pour toute entreprise. Il s'agit de l'ensemble des interactions entre une entreprise et ses clients avant, pendant et après l'achat d'un produit ou service. Un service clientèle de qualité est essentiel pour garantir une expérience positive et fidéliser la clientèle.
Pour offrir un service clientèle optimal, une entreprise doit mettre en place une équipe compétente et attentive aux besoins des clients. Les agents du service clientèle doivent être formés pour fournir des réponses rapides et précises aux questions des clients, résoudre les problèmes éventuels et offrir un support personnalisé. L'écoute active, l'empathie et la patience sont des qualités primordiales pour traiter efficacement avec la clientèle.
Un bon service clientèle ne se limite pas à la résolution des problèmes, il s'agit également de recueillir les retours des clients, de les analyser et d'identifier les domaines à améliorer. Les entreprises qui accordent de l'importance à leur service clientèle peuvent se démarquer de la concurrence en offrant une expérience client exceptionnelle.
En conclusion, le service clientèle est un pilier fondamental de la relation entre une entreprise et ses clients. En investissant dans la formation et la gestion de son équipe de service clientèle, une entreprise peut renforcer sa réputation, fidéliser sa clientèle et favoriser sa croissance à long terme.

Hi, I’ve never posted here before ever so if I made a mistake, please let me know mods so I can fix it. Sorry if there’s formatting issues, I’m on mobile, and also sorry this is so long. I tried posting this yesterday and it didn’t work, so I’m hoping it works now. I read this sub wasn’t just for grieving passed loved ones, but also for people we just parted with in life for whatever reason. I was wondering if anyone has gone through something similar to what I’ve experienced so here’s my story:
4 years ago, I lost my best friend. He didn’t die, he ghosted me. He and I were in a way perfect for each other. No romance between us, he was gay, and I’m female. We hung out together often, and texted each other a lot. We could talk about anything and we totally understood each other. When the pandemic hit, he and I could no longer go out, I wanted to have video chat dinners with him, but he refused. We instead just called and texted each other. Eventually, he and I safely met in my home, and had a socially distanced dinner together. It was still the same lovely relationship, even though we hadn’t seen each other in months.
A couple of months after this face to face dinner, he slowly starts changing. He’d go off on me while texting, spelling in all caps, pissed off over stupid things. Our favorite singer had just released an album at the time, and since he and I were both fans, we listened to it then compared notes later in the day. He told me he wasn’t a fan of it and I agreed that I wasn’t either. He immediately started getting mad at me for not liking her music. I didn’t understand why he was yelling at me over something so silly. I didn’t bash her, and I still love her and her other music, I just wasn’t a fan of that particular album. I stopped responding when I asked him why he was starting an argument over something so minor, and he told me he didn’t know. I went to bed with him still blowing up my phone about me being a horrible person for not liking her new music. I didn’t want to engage in such a stupid argument, so I figured in a few days we’ll be okay again, and he was just upset at something else and took it out on me. Wrong he did that, but whatever. I didn’t get an apology once we started talking again days later.
Time passes and he starts again, starting arguments over stupid stuff again. I figured the pandemic was really hurting him, and I had nothing but sympathy for him. It was impacting me too, but I wasn’t taking it out on him. I was always his shoulder to cry on and comforted him, I had no problem with this. After like a couple of months of him starting petty arguments, I get fed up of being his emotional punching bag. I tell him in a kind way that he never apologizes to me, I’m tired of being called names, and being screamed at. He apologizes, but says that the album thing broke the camel’s back and we’re not compatible as friends.
I started crying. My best friend in the whole world, was telling me he didn’t want to be friends with me anymore because of some singer’s album. I tell him I’m crying (we were texting at that time) and that I love him and miss him so much, does he not even love me back? I was freaking out cause I didn’t understand how in the world it had come to this. Our friendship was years old, not months. He and I had been through a lot together, I was always there for him and he was always there for me. We were two peas in a pod. He told me it was complicated, he loved me, and that he’d be going to bed for the night since he had an early morning. I told him that I hoped in the morning he still remembered me.
After these last texts, a week passed with no communication from either me or him, and I figured things between us had cooled down, so I texted him, asking if he was okay. He never answered. I’ve never heard from him at all to this day. I knew he was alive cause I had a friend who worked at the same place he did, different departments. They weren’t and still aren’t friends to this day, she said she’d see him at work and he’d awkwardly wave at her. She’d wave back, but she was always pissed off when she saw him for the pain he caused me. She works somewhere else now, so she no longer runs into him.
I miss him, and have never found someone I connect with as well as I connected with him. I still love him, and I sometimes dream of him. I’m sure he doesn’t think about me at all, and never cried over me. I feel like I’m going to grieve our friendship forever. I truly thought he’d be the uncle to my future children and I’d be the aunt to his future children. I thought I’d be the best woman at his wedding and he’d be the man of honor at mine. I’m probably better off since he turned into a toxic person, but it’s hard not having someone in your life that you still love and they’re alive. I have made new friends since, so it’s not like I’ve never moved on, I just have never had another best friend. I never really understood why he left, I assume the pandemic was messing with his head; It messed with mine, and I’m not saying I was this perfect person who never got mad or anything.
Has anybody gone through something similar? Does the pain ever go away? Did you ever get closure?
I was inspired to write this post after watching ‘Mother of the Bride’ recently. It’s about two exes who haven’t seen each other in years reuniting, because the kids they had in different relationships are getting married to each other. I started wondering if my future kid would meet his future kid or niece/nephew (since he was almost a second parent to them) would meet and we’d see each other again.

My BPD mom got in a car accident a couple hours ago due to bad weather and someone sliding on the freeway into or in front of her. I found out because I got an automated text that a crash has been detected. My sister and dad got that text as well. We all tried to call my mom but no answer. There was terrible traffic at the location so we assumed the crash was bad. My sister lives far, so she started driving to where the location was. My dad immediately left for the location but there was terrible traffic and I stayed home. My mom wasn’t answering her phone and I got another automated text that her location had moved. I was calling both her and hospitals until I got a final automated text saying her location had moved to a hospital. I got in touch with that hospital but they couldn’t tell me anything because she just arrived but a nurse would call me.
This morning I helped her put her bags in her car and I wasn’t especially nice to her but I wasn’t rude to her. I said “good morning” and “you’re welcome.” I thought of all the conflict we’ve had lately and was worried she would die. It had been about 45 minutes since the accident and after calling her 30+ times, she finally answered. The nurse helped her answer the phone and she was talking. I FaceTimed her so I could see her condition and she looked terrible. Collar, bandaged head, dried blood on her face, and two swollen black eyes. I was the only one in my family who stayed calmed and was texting updates in our family group chat based on what her and the nurses were saying.
I stayed on the phone with her distracting her and making her laugh until my dad got there. We were having a good conversation and she said she was “hugging her phone.” I genuinely enjoyed talking to her and I didn’t feel manipulated. Sometimes when she’s in pain (which is a lot because she’s disabled) I feel like I’m being manipulated. Then my dad was panicked so I stayed on the phone longer and texted him to calm down because he’s scaring her. Once he was calmer and she was better, I decided to get off the phone since doctors and officers were in and out. My dad said I was the best one in the family to help my mom by talking to her and my mom said it meant so much.
She has a large cut on her forehead and has some slight bleeding in the brain. She’s going to stay overnight to be monitored. I’m going to visit her in a few hours once the weather gets better.
I’m posting this because I’m flooded with emotions. I want to get closer to my mom because I care about her yet anytime I’m close to her, she hurts me. Is it worth it? I think so. The panic of thinking my mom was dead freaked me out. She had a suicide attempt last year and I didn’t feel this same fear. I’m kind of angry that I don’t have a mother who’s easy to love and care for. But I do love and care for her. Hearing her laugh made me happy and seeing her messed up condition made me sad. Every time she would cry out in pain, I could feel it in my heart. I hope that maybe she hit her head hard enough for the BPD to go away. I know it doesn’t work like that though. I’m just overwhelmed and would love support because I feel conflicted. I feel like a shitty daughter. I’m a very calm person and can handle her yelling at me, but I know that I can be cold. I want to be nice to my mom the way she wants me to, but I feel like I can’t without going crazy. I just want to be the daughter she wants. The way she acted today and all that she’s been through, I feel she deserves a nice daughter. Anyway, I’m overthinking and would love some insight, opinions, or validation. Thank you.

So, long story [not so] short: I hung out with this guy I work with one time in late February and while it was fine, I could tell we weren’t a good match so I told him that. He flipped out on me and started sending me angry texts about how he saw this coming, sorry he didn’t “measure up to my standards,” telling me that they way I try to get to know guys “bothered” him (namely that I spoke about my ex bf after he asked me why my last relationship ended and that I talked about my friends — he informed me, “Guys don’t want to hear that. I’m there to get to you know. Not your ex, not your friends, you.” I was like okay, whatever. I didn’t say anything to him freaking out on me.
He then started sending me these long texts apologizing for his behavior and saying things like “I’m just a fuck up, I know you hate me now and I get why” and I was like DUDE. So I texted him and said hey, I don’t hate you, it’s fine, no hard feelings, let’s move on. All is forgiven. Then he just continued apologizing as if he didn’t even read my reply and proceeded to reprimand me again for talking about my ex when we hung out. He said, “But you get why I was upset right? You talked about your ex when you were supposed to be getting to know me. Do you understand this, yes or no?” It was exhausting. I just said “Yes, I understand. What I don’t understand is why you’re trying to have this conversation again.” I stopped responding after that completely bc we obviously were not communicating.
Then more long, drawn out apology texts. “I just feel terrible bc that’s not who I am but sorry again for fucking everything up.” Was the summation of basically every single one. I wanted to block him, but I also felt that it might escalate more, especially because he would sometimes tell me he was drinking when he texted me these novels, so I thought I might want to have screenshots of him basically harassing me via text if I ever did want to report him or at the very least, ask my supervisor for guidance. I finally texted back and said “I have no other response for you. If you want to talk to me about something work related only, feel free to reach out.” He said okay and apologized AGAIN.
Then last week I ran into him in the office which was inevitable. I said hello, he asked me how I was, I told him I was great and asked him the same. He seemed completely different than how he had been acting which was such a relief. He seemed calm, happy, and like he had put everything behind him. He then sent me a Teams message right after that and thanked me for breaking the ice. I said sure, it was nice to see you. My ultimate goal this whole time has been for things to smooth over so I don’t have drama with this guy I hung out with ONE TIME! He then said if I wanted, we could go on a walk sometime at work to take a break and get some fresh air. I very stupidly said sure. We went on a few walks and then yesterday right when we got back from one, this text convo ensued:
Him: Hey, I appreciate your time and the 2nd chance at a friendship but maybe we should just keep it a work thing. I get a vibe from you that's what you prefer to have, which sucks but I also know my place with you at this point. I've enjoyed the walks and talks but I'm not trying to ruin the vibe more than I already have previously.
Me: Yeah, I would like to be friends but I will respect keeping it a work thing if that's what you want. Definitely don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything.
Him: Oh I'm not uncomfortable. It's just hard to catch your vibe a little after some things. Maybe I'm just reading you wrong after things went south too. But I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable or like you have to try to be friends just cause we work together. I know you're dealing with whatever it is so maybe that's why it's hard to catch the same vibe I caught from you when we first talked. I also didn't really care for how you subtly threw my failure with you in my face on our walk but I deserve that a bit and that's my fault for bringing it up. I'm cool with being friends but like I said, it's just been different and a little difficult lately.
Me: No matter what I say or do, you seem to have a problem with. I didn’t throw anything in your face. I think at this point, we should definitely just keep it a work thing.
Him: I didn't say I had a problem and it just one thing. And you kind of did when I brought up me asking you to tom segura but my bad for saying anything. I should have just bowed out and been quiet. And yea, I had already stayed that it should be a work thing. You're the one that came back to me wanting to be friends, not the other way around. Remember that since you got a bit of attitude suddenly. Best of luck to you sarah. Hope you bounce back from whatever issues you have.
And actually I've not had a problem with anything regarding you just to be clear, you are just perceiving it oddly which is cool, saves me the headache.
Me: Okay. (then blocked him)
A little context about his “failure”: He said he might see this comedian this weekend who is like Tom Segura’s best friend. RIGHT before I initially texted him back in February to tell him I didn’t think we should pursue dating, he had asked me if I wanted to go see Tom Segura w/him. It was just terrible timing for him to suggest that right when I was saying let’s just be friends. So anyway, yesterday I really wasn’t thinking and said, “Man I’d love to see him live someday.” And he was like, “Well I tried to get you to go with me, remember?” And I said, “Yeah.” I was like oof that was awkward, but I assumed he remembered the timing of that invite?? So that’s what he was referring to that I apparently “threw in his face.”
So first of all, am I overreacting wanting to report this guy? And second of all, is my fear of retaliation irrational? He seems unhinged to me but I could be overthinking this. I truly don’t know what to do.

Welcome everyone! I'm a relatively new DM who has had some very brief experience running as a DM during my highschool years and have recently become engrossed back in the world of DnD. I have been experimenting over the past several months with running a game with some old friends and have been having a blast, due to the long gaps between sessions I am setting up a second campaign alongside my homebrew world of Altaria!
The game is going to a classic adventuring tale within the lands of Altaria, with a focus on political intrigue and consequences between kingdoms which can be influenced by the players and their actions. A focus will be on role play. I am continuously updating the lore of the world with new organisations and locations. For your commitment I will always try to create a handcrafted map or battlescene for the session.
I have 2 friends who are already keen to join and am looking for another maximum of 4 players to join along.
Session Outline - I plan on running a D&D campaign via a mix of Foundry VTT and discord. The sessions will run most likely every week, Due to my employment in emergency services my roster is constantly changing making setting a specific/regular session difficult and will require everyone to be slightly flexible. - I will try to have sessions set up every week most likely on Wednesdays or fridays, session start times ranging from ~1300-1700 AEST. Depending on everyone's availability. the Session length itself I am aiming for is ~4 hours with a break in between.

• I am planning on having this be a long-term campaign if you do not believe you can commit please reconsider applying
  
• New players are most certainly welcome! If you need I will help guide you both with setting up characters, teaching you rules and how to use the programs.
  

World Setting/Description
Discovering Altaria, a continent veiled in mystery and allure, marked a pivotal moment for explorers from the old world. Millennia ago, these adventurers first set foot in what is now known as Wavecrest, but it was the fertile expanses of the mainland that truly captivated their ambitions. Cities and towns emerged along bustling trade routes, flourishing rapidly and soon overshadowing the initial settlement on Wavecrest. The burgeoning civilizations reached heights of prosperity previously unimaginable, until the world was shaken by the "Great Evanescence." Communication with the old world abruptly ceased; ships that set sail to reconnect vanished into the void, sparking fears of a catastrophic demise of the old continent or the wrath of divine or malevolent forces.
In the ensuing chaos, the Eldorian Empire rose to prominence, leveraging its control over fertile lands and the allegiance of migrating nobles and craftsmen to establish a new order. This era of uneasy peace, upheld by Eldoria's military dominance, persisted for centuries. However, complacency and neglect, coupled with the earth-shattering discovery of a new mystical metal, Atherium in the Mountains of Last Ridge within the provence of Verdantia, set the stage for upheaval. This arcane material, promising wealth and power, ignited the flames of envy, particularly in the eyes of the waning Eldorian Empire main counties. The empire's attempts to monopolize Atherium sparked a fierce rebellion by the now new Kingdom of Verdantia, plunging the realm into a devastating conflict known as "The Great Sundering." The war raged, reshaping landscapes and redefining borders, with neither side securing a decisive victory.
The stalemate was broken only when the combined forces of Stoneshield, the Timorian Realm, and Wavecrest intervened, presenting an ultimatum that ultimately led to a grudging peace. In the treaty that followed, Eldoria relinquished control of the western territories, paving the way for the formation of the "Three Leagues," to manage distribution of Atherium through the continent, while Verdantia gained the right to retain control of Atherium production and retaining its new found sovereignty. Although peace has prevailed for five years, unease simmers as reports of raids along the kingdoms' borders escalate.
Amidst political tensions, the presence of magical and monstrous beings adds layers of complexity to the realm. While sightings are rare in civilized areas, the increasing frequency of such encounters has prompted many to form adventuring groups or guilds. Magic, revered for its power, remains an uncommon and dangerous art, commanding respect and fear in equal measure. Those who dare to underestimate its potency often face dire consequences.
In this intricate tapestry of alliances, rivalries, and arcane mysteries, Altaria stands as a realm teeming with potential adventures, challenges, and untold stories, waiting to be discovered by those brave enough to venture into its depths.
Rules - 18+ content is allowed within reason - Gore and NSWF are allowed. However, nothing extreme eg. sexual assault, extreme torture etc. - No PVP, Exceptions depend on the situation and both parties must consent. - Be respectful towards myself and other players, Try to be a team player, do not steal or ruin the game for everyone else (that includes fudging roles) - No meta-gaming, please try to put yourself into the mind of your character. try not to yell out at other players during their turn. - Let me know if there is an issue, dont let it brew. whether it be from something I'm doing, or if it is another player. This is a game where we are all trying to have fun and I will try to make it the best I can. - Ultimately the rules are up to my discretion, I may make a decision in a situation that is not strictly allowed for either comedic value or for the fun of the game (TLDR Rule of Cool) - Please try to show up on time for our sessions, I know life can get in the way. If something does occur or you have another event please let me know beforehand. if you frequently do not show or respond I will take it as a sign of your disinterest and remove you from the party. I will give you fair warning before this occurs. - Know your characters abilities and how they work, if you are new again I can run through it with you before the session. - DEATH RULES - I am going to take inspiration from Critical role regarding death rules, if a character dies there is going to be a chance that they stay dead. They are able to be revived however it will be both an expensive and laborious process with a chance of failure! (remember retreat is always an option!) - I will not be fudging roles, I believe that the game becomes much more enjoyable if there is a chance of failure, creating suspense and risk. - RP will be a key element of the game, however you can't justify a blatantly evil action as "its what my character would do" - Pay attention when playing, I am putting extensive effort into creating this world and game for you, this includes in combat try to have your turn prepared before it reaches you.
Applying Righto almost done with the wall of text :P, to apply I want you to send me a message of what intrigues you about the world and what type of character you would be interested in playing. I am looking mainly for interesting/detailed backstories of who and what your character aspires to be. Below I have provided links to the kingdom descriptions and world for you to read and get an idea of what is to come.
Maps
Continent of Altaria - https://inkarnate.com/m/wo08p2/
Continent of Alaria Political - https://inkarnate.com/m/qgrEDA/
Descriptions
World Description - https://inkarnate.com/m/RlJlQM/
Eldorian Empire - https://inkarnate.com/m/wo08Ve/
Kingdom of Verdantia - https://inkarnate.com/m/O7GGm7/
Three Leagues - https://inkarnate.com/m/oy0vLk/
Timorian Realm - https://inkarnate.com/m/X7gwvQ/
Stoneshield Dominion - https://inkarnate.com/m/ZV0bxQ/
Petty Kingdom of Wavecrest - https://inkarnate.com/m/Vmqv73/
The Whitevale - https://inkarnate.com/m/KwOwmQ/
Thanks for reading!

I’m trying to make it so I can install new apps on my iPad without having to write down my long password every time. I’d like to be able to use Touch ID on it the same way I can download apps on my phone by using Face ID. How can I make it stop asking for my text password?

Introduction
Someone reading this book may wonder what sort of audience is being targeted here. They may also be confused as to what the endgame is behind such a book. The aim of this book is to parallel the different religious & mystic traditions & connect them to the tropes that we find near death experiences propagate. They often are reconnecting us with what ancient texts have said but in the modern secular world where materialism is the norm we have become numb to the meanings & impact behind such text. These texts are often considered archaic & primitive. Unable to contribute much to the modern world they may only be useful in prayer chants.
Thus I aim here to revitalise the spirit of these traditions and connect them to what many call the modern day scriptures. The study of near death experiences, neuroscience, consciousness & other paranormal phenomena.
The endgame of the mystic is to connect, achieve union, knowledge and self growth. Thus by approaching all these texts and the various evolving thought that emerged from it, we can explore the parallels and connections that bridge the gap between traditions. The beauty of mysticism and perennial philosophy is the freedom it offers in interpretation.
This book doesn't focus on the question of whether scriptures are divinely inspired, man made tools written for sociological and political agendas or some sort of corrupted divinity. That discussion is a debate that will never end. Rather the focus here is on the possible wisdom & theological beliefs which parallel and mesh together well in forming a higher meaning & connection to the divine. Whether it be a higher power, an all pervading source or a metaphysical truth. You aren’t required to literally believe the divinity of these texts. A simple level of curiosity & intrigue is sufficient.
However one may contend that it is easy to parallel traditions when they are in harmony but when they differ they directly contradict rendering these connections meaningless and superficial. Therein lies the limitations of this book. Therefore the following concepts won’t be discussed in here. These are mainly :

• Unverifiable supernatural claims such as ancient miracles for instance Moses parting the sea, Jesus walking on water, resurrecting etc. For someone expecting this book to be a source of evidence for a specific religion it unfortunately won’t be. However there are multiple correlations and connections and these may act as subtle signs of evidence for a specific faith or multiple of them.
  
• Reconciling contradictions between belief systems and scriptures. For example whether the Divine is a trinity or a unity. Whether a certain sage was superior to another. For instance comparing the personality of Jesus with Muhammad, whether the Bible is morally perfect or not & a plethora of other beliefs that may not agree with one another. The book simply assumes they all are imperfect systems.
  
• The scientific debate on whether NDEs are classified as hallucinations or genuine supernatural occurrences. Whilst an interesting topic in itself, it is out of the scope of this book with many other books discussing the science behind ndes. However when necessary nde claims will be contrasted with naturalistic explanations.
  

The primary focus is in following a don't throw the baby out with the bathwater approach. Some may also contend that this book follows a shopping cart style of cherrypicking from texts and discarding beliefs from texts one subjectively finds inappropriate. To this I would simply say that the approach here is one of finding the parallels that align well together and acknowledging when a belief doesn't align well. Not necessarily a pick and choose system. An approach I would call the rational mystic.
The rational mystic is one who is simply open to what may be beyond their senses. They may be mystically inclined, fascinated and open to the plethora of supernatural ideas. However they will not blindly believe any and all beliefs. They will discern using rational faculties what of mysticism is most compatible with reality, what the data or evidence shows & what is more probable than not. I believe people of all beliefs or no beliefs can fit this definition. Whether you identify by a religion, as spiritual but not religious, non religious, atheist, deist or agnostic. Thus a skeptic or believer may able to gain an appreciation for these belief systems.
This book dives into the verses and parallels of ancient texts such as the Old Testament, Gospels, Quran, Hadith, Bhagwad Gita, Dhammapada, Tao Te Ching & Gathas of Zoroaster. Other older parallels such as from Vedic India, Ancient Egypt, Greece & Mesopotamia may be referenced.
Alongside that are the testimonies of NDEs and how they may parallel or differ to these texts. This book also attempts to provide commentary on major philosophical themes & elaborate on various exegesis, mystical traditions such as Kaballah, Sufism, Advaita Vedanta, Neoplatonism & Chinese thought. Since mysticism is ultimately about experience it relevant and useful to enhance these discussions by contrasts to various scientific ideas, philosophy & pop culture.
NDE Filter Methodology
One of the problems with ndes is the fact that they are subjective experiences which we cannot objectively verify or replicate. This makes them a weaker form of evidence compared to empirical studies which can replicate the results. These present a challenge. An individual nde may therefore be subject to embellishment, fabrications & delusions. Therefore in picking our choice of NDEs here we can only look at ndes as a whole in terms of statistical patterns that form. This is the methodology used in NDE literature by various academics including neuroscientists & philosophers researching the phenomenon.
To elaborate we therefore will discard testimonies that appear embellished with fantastical details. These fantastical details may also be subjective from person to person. Calling an otherworldly journey fantastical is simply irony. However in following the certain patterns that appear cross culturally in ndes it is much easier to identify reports that are considered fantastical. The following tropes appear the most across multiple nde studies.

• Out of Body Experience
• Tunnel of Light
• Meeting deceased relatives or unknown beings
• Perceiving a highly luminous pervading light
• Feelings of absolute peace, comfort & love
• Arriving at an otherworldly place ie a meadow, garden etc.
• Life Review
• Border of no return
• Pluralistic message about love & wisdom

There are of course other concepts that ndes reference which appear from time to time. These allow ndes to be flexible and not rigid experiences. After all no two nde experiences are the same. However using these motifs listed we can filter through unreliable ndes. These include

• NDE reports that are highly coloured with religious fundamentalist tropes particularly tropes promoting an exclusivist attitude to religion.
• NDEs that appear too detailed, fantastical & unrestricted appearing more like a science fiction or fantasy novel. For example nde claims of multiple lives on other planets or large scale prophecies & apocalyptic predictions & generally things that differ wildly from the core themes
• NDEs that talk too much about one specific spiritual concept, portraying themselves as special, prophets or mediums turning their nde into a narcissistic or monetary agenda through spiritual coaching, multiple books etc.

Finally one may say that the chapters of this book attempt to hint at the veracity of a religion & this book is a subtle attempt to proselytize that faith. I will reiterate that this book isnt trying to prove any specific religion. There may be subtle signs from one faith that fit better with the nde phenomenon than others. The following theories I would say explain these subtle signs. I leave it up to the reader to decide what they feel is the best explanation.

• Universal Divine Theory : This is the idea that prophets, mystics & sages from different cultures have been inspired through revelation from the same source & this explains the shared insights of a religion & ndes.
  
• Mystic Wisdom Theory : This simply means that certain religious writers and founders were simply wise spiritual men, mystically inclined honing on their intuition & knowledge.
  
• Intertextuality Theory : Each new religious founder simply built of older religious ideas assimilating it into their theologies.
  

Whilst these theories may suggest a subtle spark of corresponding truths, generally NDEs dont explicitly point to any religion. Some say its simply the case that a Christian will see Jesus, a Muslim will see Allah, A Jew sees Yahweh & a Hindu sees Krishna. This of course is not entirely true. The portion of ndes that claim to see Jesus form a minority & interestingly they too dont point at specific doctrines. NDE experiencers may simply describe a sentient light they perceive to be God. This being doesnt tell anybody that I am Yahweh or Allah. Experiencers will say that religious texts fall short of describing this being. It is beyond what people are taught in religion.
Those who are familiar with NDE reports and studies will know that NDEs tend to be very religion agnostic and at best subtly imply a religious correlation but rarely do we find massive amounts of nde reports cross culturally presenting exclusivist dogmas such as follow holy book x or you will burn, believe Jesus died for your sin or you will burn for eternity. When an nde does present this its seen as a red flag since this doesn't occur with the majority of other ndes. The most we have are subtle religious correlations. However NDEs do present us with certain philosophical dilemmas when it comes to religion.

• If NDEs are vague about religion how are we to interpret these religions ? Are we to see them as man made socio-cultural constructs ? Are we to see them as inspired by God but limited to their time ? Are we to see them as partially divine partially man made scriptures ?
  
• If NDEs prove that religions are man made we must ask what purpose the creator has behind the nde. If the creator has allowed man made cultures to negatively influence and control the world throughout history and has not intervened or communicated with humanity one must wonder what point there is in a nde being a message in the 21st century. So on one hand the NDE presents us with a deistic God who doesnt intervene and let false religions begin and on the other hand the God of the NDE seems very personal, involved in human lives, keeps tracks, feels love and joy for humans etc
  
• If one, many or all religions are truly divinely inspired why do NDES never directly point to this ? NDEs seem more concerned in lessons but not in pointing people to a religion.
  

Some may ask what difference does it make that it doesnt point to a religion. if anything NDEs show us that God is far beyond the narrow confines of religions. It makes an immense difference when we factor the fact that religions have influenced entire cultures and civilisations in good and bad ways. Religions have been used to wage war, cause destruction, control the masses, brainwash, confuse and build fear into the human subconscious. And on the good side religions have given hope to the world that suffering isnt in vain, that life has meaning & that justice and ultimate happiness exists.
For alot of people the need to connect to the transcendental is insatiable and religion provides a whole structure of beliefs that one can organise themselves on. For some this is very restricting and enforces a cultural dogma on to everyone. They may prefer a shopping cart version of religion where they take whats good for them and discard what they disagree on. For others they prefer to deny all religious concepts as dogma and cultural beliefs. One could argue that humans need the cultural clothing of customs and traditions to keep their lives going, something which they can use to relate with to the divine. Not everyone can believe in an abstract deity that they cannot conceive of in the absence of symbols such as scriptures.
Religious texts provide at the very least a gateway to which one can relate through stories of heroes, morals and metaphors of the divine. Of course none of this leads us to whether said divine being has revealed these texts, whether they are inspired but corrupted by man or fully man made. These symbols act as aids in feeling like we have a piece of the divine soul with us thus giving comfort and hope. Thus whilst some have no need for religions, for the masses religions have immense value.
So why dont NDEs prove religion ?
There are no clear answers to this (unless somebody has an nde and asks whoever they speak with to tell them in specifics what religion is from God and whats not) all we can do is speculate. The ndes that do ask or do mention a scripture are so few that we cannot form any conclusion on this.

• The simplest answer is that all religions are man made for good or bad intentions but this would of course lead us to the philosophical deist dilemma.
• Perhaps the NDEs message focuses on the lessons and ideals itself and sees scriptures and religions as redundant (even if there is a divine hand behind some) After all these are mainly symbols and cannot compare to a direct mystical experience (something fundamentalists struggle with)
• Perhaps an attempt to promote any specific faith would lead to an assumption that the nde message is about exclusivist salvation and leading to the worship of scriptures/religions (something fundamentalists struggle with)
• Perhaps this proves that religions are limited to their century and context and that we should only look to them for the universal timeless message they offer not the specifics. After all all major scriptures teach the core values that NDEs have revitalised ie love, mercy, kindness etc

Do NDEs support materialism or not ?
While the aim of this book isnt to debate the afterlife or brain hypothesis, I will say that at the time of this being written, my view on ndes is to say that I consider them a plausible source of evidence towards consciousness surviving death & the afterlife existing. This view of mine may change in time towards either side. The following are some reasons I would argue for them being plausible.
1 Veridical NDEs : Numerous NDES report out of body experiences including witnessing of events in an environment when this should not be possible. More than 100+ veridical cases have been documented. Not to mention veridical cases from across different countries which further strengthens the case. We would have to be radically skeptical to consider all of these testimonies fabricated.
2 Lucid narrative : NDERS experience a highly lucid narrative that usually doesn't end in the middle or chaotically unlike dreams or hallucinations. Their ndes tend to be structured with a beginning, middle and end where they are either told, know or are sucked back into the body. This is quite a strange experience compared to delirium, delusions, hallucinations etc.
3 Deceased Relatives : Most NDES claim to see deceased relatives rather than alive people supporting the afterlife hypothesis. We should expect a mixed cocktail of alive & deceased people appearing in ndes if this was a case of dreams or hallucinations. The population that do claim to see a mixed group of alive and deceased is quite a small proportion of total ndes.
4 Intuitive Reality : NDERS are very convinced that they are in a hyper real reality that makes this world seem black and white, like a dream/illusion as some would say. They are intuitively convinced they are in something real the way we might be talking in person, as opposed to it being just a dream. In one study its believed that nders brain recollect their nde as if it's a real world memory.
5 ESP claims : NDERS may perceive no time at all, may experience a life review such that they can feel the feelings of others and recall memories long forgotten. They may feel like they intuitively know things without needing to learn. Some may report greater vision and detail than waking life, ability to hear thoughts, instantaneously appear, be in two places at once or pass through solid walls.
5 Religious Expectations : NDES often may contradict the beliefs of many Christians, Atheists and Muslims who have varying beliefs about the afterlife. Some may be surprised to experience the things they see & are particularly surprised at the ESP abilities as these are not predicted by religions. Particularly interesting are religious conservative ndes with more exclusivist beliefs who are surprised and end up becoming more pluralist and liberal.
6 Clinical Death Scenario : The best NDE studies focus on scenarios whereby the person undergoes cardiac arrest and thus clinical death. At this time a person has no heartbeat, no breathing, dilated pupils, no light reflex, no gag reflex and EEG reading of little to no brain activity. This is consistent with unconsciousness as no blood and oxygen can fully reach the brain. Furthermore the fact that most undergoing clinical death dont report any experiences means NDEs are odd occurrences & consciousness should not occur.
7 Transformation : NDERS often are transformed in their beliefs with less to no fear of death, detachment from the material, more interest in altruism and spirituality and are impacted by their NDE for decades, remembering it far more than a hallucination or dream. They see it as the most important experience of their life.
8 Double edged sword : The fact that not everyone has an nde may support the idea of nde being more than brain activity. After all if the nde simply was some evolutionary dying mechanism we would expect everybody to have one. This point could also support naturalistic hypothesis (See below)
However there is still uncertainty regarding the nde phenomenon and further data, & studies are required to build a case that is greater than just plausible. These are some opposing reasons to consider doubt in them valid
1 Embellishment : NDEs are unverifiable and therefore we cannot verify which ndes are authentic or which ndes are embellished over time with the nders own thoughts, interpretations or exaggerations. This makes it easier for fabrications and frauds to claim an nde experience.
2 Brain Activity : Since NDES happen during clinical death or unconscious states where a persons brain can be returned to living we cannot be sure that there isnt some deeper brain activity that causes an nde. We also cant be sure than an nde isnt happening in the window where cerebral blood flow hasnt ceased or in the window where CPR leads back to cerebral blood flow. EEG machines also have certain limitations such that they cannot detect deeper brain regions due to the skulls electrical resistance. EEG spikes may occur due to muscle twitches & electrical noise which can often make it harder to differentiate whether this is due to the NDE or not.
3 Cultural/Religious Contradictions : If we keep an open mind, its entirely possible that a Western nde could see Jesus, an Indian nde see Buddha or an Indian nde see Jesus & a Western nde see Buddha. It seems this can be reconciled by the idea that ndes are customized to fit what comforts people subconsciously. Japanese NDEs for example see a bridge/river symbolizing journey to another world, Westerners a portal/tunnel. Westerners relate best to Jesus, Easterners to other figures. However some ndes provide conflicting metaphysical views. This can be an issue with some ndes if nde 1 says they were told to keep reincarnating until they reach nirvana, nde 2 says something more fitting to abrahamic faith. nde 3 says hell doesnt exist and nde 4 says they saw hell realms.
4 Double edged Sword : This point can be argued for ndes (See above) but also against ndes. Only a small percentage 10-20% of those under cardiac arrest are said to have experienced an nde. This point leaves questions as to why aren't all people experiencing an nde. Should we not expect a larger proportion say more than half of people to experience an nde ? If there is a realm beyond the material should we not expect every person to experience an nde. A low proportion may mean that the nde is some sort of brain anomaly. We only have speculations as to why all dont get an nde.
5 Future Science : Current materialistic explanations may be inadequate to explain ndes but this doesnt mean that future understanding of the brain may not yield a new theory/explanation that explains it away. Thus it remains a potential argument.
All of these points are worthy discussions on their own and can be found in various other valuable books. The above points are simply a valuable framework by which the reader may be able to take away what they value out of this book. Everything written is simply my own research into the subject & I always advise people to take it with a grain of salt unless it makes rational sense to you & appeals to your intuition.
Diving into the depths
Spirituality & mysticism can be thought of as two sides of the same coin with philosophy the ring that runs the circumference of the coin. While spirituality deals with the human aspects such as soul, spirit, ego, morality & purpose, mysticism deals with the divine aspects of things such as essences, attributes, metaphors, realities, realms, entities, space, time, substances etc. We aim to dive into the following themes in this book.
The Divine Source : Everything relevant to defining the higher power & source of existence including essences & attributes.

Consciousness & Spirit : Everything relevant to the nature of consciousness, qualia, perceptions, the spirit & soul.
Reality : Everything relevant to the nature of perception, illusion, concepts, space, time, substances, modes, forms & realities.
Spirituality & Purpose : Everything relevant to the nature of human meaning, objectives, purpose & suffering.
Morality : Everything relevant to values, ideals, ethics & morals.
Knowledge & Truth : Everything relevant to the nature of seeking truth, seeking knowledge & attaining wisdom. These include concepts such as beliefs, truths, axioms, speculations, nature of inspirations & revelations.
Awakening & Dark night of Soul : Everything relevant to the nature of materialism, spiritual awakening, seeking inner peace, anxieties, depression, remorse, angst & layers of the psyche.
Divine Sorrow : Everything relevant to the nature of the eschatological souls corruption, redemption, purification, punishment, divine justice & mercy including modes & forms.
Divine Bliss : Everything relevant to the nature of the souls destiny, ultimate peace, happiness, bliss & divine love including modes & forms.

Jesus was confused with Satan by some cultures and even worshipped as such – despite the fact that he was considered a "good" Satan and a "positive" Devil that sided with the weak and vulnerable and betrayed the "powerful ones" in order to dedicate himself and his life completely to the poor. (Such notion is not alien at all even to the texts – because Jesus is expressly called the Morning Star in 2 Peter 1:19 and in Revelation 2:28).
This is apparent in the fact that the Hebrews for example did not recognize Christ as the Messiah and they even called him "evil" and applied to him the title "Satan" (from the Hebrew: "śāṭān" meaning: "adversary, enemy"). The definition of "evil" here is relative – because since Jesus went against the teachings that the Hebrews held as sacred and he also went against the teachings that the Muslims for example also regarded as sacred (and he went against many other cultures as well for that matter; because the figure of Jesus was pagan and it actually belonged worldwide to all cultures of the world and he was claimed to have opposed all of them trying to reform them) – he was thus called "evil" in relative terms by some of these cultures; meaning an "enemy" or "adversary" of those doctrines. Originally not even the Christians considered Christ as a positive figure; because Christ professed a lot of ideals that were inconceivable and impossible to apply according to the mentality of the powerful castes that rule society – like the priesthood for example; because Jesus claimed many times that the wealthy ones must renounce everything they have, they must give their money to the poor and then and only then – will they be allowed to follow Christ.
But the Church completely ignored and bypassed this teaching of Christ because they knew that if they had started preaching this to their believers; they would lose all believers in one second since no one wants to give up their house, their wealth and their life to follow the Church. So even the Church had to rearrange and modify a lot of the teachings of Christ while straight up censoring and ignoring others; in order to create a religion out of it. The only difference is that the Christian Church decided that it was worth investing their time and money in turning Jesus into the symbol of their faith and into a figure that would appeal to the masses (basically deifying him and using his name and memory to attract people into the religion) – while the other two religions (Judaism and Islam) completely disregarded Jesus altogether and considered him a madman instead and even went as far as to call him "evil" and a "Devil" precisely because he had preached such revolutionary notions that were just impossible to accept for the rich and wealthy. (Another reason for this is also because Judaism had a different idea of the Messiah altogether and they followed a different Messiah – and this other idea of the Messiah along with the other Messiah – were also very different from the "Jesus Christ" concept altogether – but that’s besides the point).
The symbology of the spring refers to the blood of Christ which gives life and makes vegetation grow on the earth much like the water of a spring; but it also holds literal meaning because the pagan figures who correspond to "Jesus" were all claimed to have met their demise or to have had a life-changing experience happen near a spring or near a water-source more generally speaking. Such is the case for Hermaphroditus who was rendered female by his union with Salmacis near a spring; or also the castration of one of the gods called "Uranus" – because according to Cicero in his "De Natura Deorum" there were multiple Uranuses and one of them was the "younger" one – and he’s the same who was said to have been castrated near a spring by Phoenician mythology. (The fact that Hermaphroditus was joined to Salmacis thus becoming definitively feminine near the waters of a spring – refers to the confusion that happened in the myth due to the nature of the two characters taken into analysis; because Hermaphroditus and Salmacis were actually brother and sister in other iterations of the story and they were claimed to have been conjoined thus essentially making up a single being who was a "man-woman" united. But then after their birth they were separated and their bodies were not conjoined anymore; although the male – in this case Hermaphroditus – was claimed to have been castrated in further iterations of the story so it looked as though he had returned to being a female and was thus "rejoined" to his female nature which is why the Greek myth confused it and claimed that Hermaphroditus lost his manhood but he lost it by being rejoined to his twin-sister Salmacis. In reality he was castrated near the waters of that spring – the "conjoined" part referring instead to the myth of their birth, but the two accounts were later confused and amalgamated into a single story for the Hermaphroditus myth; thus confusing also the timeline on when exactly was it that the two siblings were conjoined – whether it was at the beginning of their lives or at the end of it as in the case of Hermaphroditus and Salmacis).
The god Attar of the planet Venus was worshipped as "Atarsamain" (Attar of heaven) by the Arabs and equated with Allat i.e. Athena (a fact that has left academics dumbfounded even to this day as for how is it possible that a male god was completely equated and identified with a female one. But the answer is found in the mythology and themes of the god himself – where he was considered of androgynous nature and was claimed to have underwent castration which made him be perceived as a female by some cultures). He was furthermore equated with the goddess Anat in the form of "Ninurta" – because the Mesopotamian warrior-god Ninurta being equivalent to Attar (and Atarsamain) himself – he was directly equated with the Canaanite goddess "Anat" and the name of Anat was also written as "NIN.URTA" in cuneiform. There is an epithet of Anat which calls the deity: "the strength of life" and this particular epithet is applied to Ninurta continuously throughout Sumerian mythology because he’s consistently called the "strength of Enlil" – the "one with superior strength" – the "son in whose strength the father rejoices" – the one with the "strength of a lion" and Ninurta was also in charge of ditches and canals being the one who created the canal-system in Sumer and who was claimed to have brought to everyone the waters of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers as a result. The epithet of Anat – in this case referring to the male Anat who was though still worshipped as female regardless because the god possessed androgynous qualities (and not coincidentally the term "Nin" which comprises the name "Nin-urta" is actually more often than not utilized for female goddesses in Sumerian culture; for example "Ninhursag", "Ninisina", "Ninlil" etc. as it usually means "lady" – but in this case the word assumes a neutral meaning and its connotation is given by the context; so since the god is male it’s translated as "lord" – but the androgynous aspect of this deity is still kept intact nonetheless by using "Nin" instead of "En" ("En" being more traditionally used in Sumerian to mean "lord") – and the title thus refers for the concept of "the strength of life" to the strength of life as a life-giver; because Ninurta being associated with water and with the fertilizing effects of water having been the one who brought canals and ditches to Sumer; the meaning of the term thus acquired such connotation.
This deity is also always associated with physical beauty; for example in the case of Dumuzi (the Mesopotamian god of vegetation) who was called "the one with the beautiful eyes" and even in the form of "Ishtaran" (a form of Dumuzi worshipped as the "heavenly serpent") – where there are several references to his "beautiful face". This notion of beauty is once again reinforced and repeated for all other versions of this pagan god as he was called by many different names throughout cultures – for example also in the form of "Joseph" the biblical son of Jacob; who was claimed to be so beautiful that while a slave in Egypt the women could not resist him – or even in the form of Japheth the third son of Noah (who corresponds still to the same character) – where the word "Japheth" is connected to the root meaning "to be beautiful".
Thus the ideals of "strength and beauty" refer to him. (The pagan imagery of this god depicts him joyous and free as he dances through the flower-fields and while bringing the springing of vegetation to the seasons – often times represented with ears of corn or garlands adorning his head; as in the case of his Slavic counterpart "Potrimpo" for example).
Christ furthermore corresponds also to the pagan god Dionysus as mentioned in other posts; and Dionysus had a particular epithet in Rome which later ended up becoming his main name (or one of his many names alongside the more renown "Bacchus") and this particular title was that of "Liber" i.e. "the free one", one who embodies "freedom".
In form of "Ishtaran" Dumuzi was worshipped as "Anu" as well – since they called Ishtaran with the epithet "AN.GAL" i.e. "great Anu"; thus meaning that Dumuzi was so beloved and his cult had risen to such prominence at some point – that some local traditions (smaller ones) worshiped him as God the Creator himself and substituted him in place of Anu or at the very least differentiated him from the main "Anu" by calling him "AN.GAL" – "the great Anu" or "greater Anu". This is why Hermaphroditus/Jesus corresponds also in Phoenician mythology to the one "Uranus" who was said to have been castrated near a fountain-spring – Uranus being the Greek equivalent of the Sumerian "Anu" and this is why he was addressed with the name "Uranus" and worshipped as one of the "Uranuses" (the younger Uranus, because the older Uranus is instead the father of Cronus/Saturn and he’s a much older Uranus).
Given how Dumuzi was worshipped as the male Ishtar and as Attar in Canaanite lands (from whom the name "Ishtar" came from because the name of the goddess "Ishtar" is actually in the masculine gender and the goddess inherited that name from the male god who was called "Attar", "Ashtar" and "Ishtar" himself); one has to take into account that the male god was worshipped as androgynous though – which is why he was later equated with the female goddess Inanna in Mesopotamia and became indistinguishable from her to the point that she also came to be called Ishtar herself. The rosette is the symbol of Venus and of this male god of Venus who corresponds to Christ himself.
But at the same time the rosette is also the symbol of the female Venus as well and of the goddess Inanna (the female form of Ishtar) so the rosette refers to both Ishtars; the male and female one referring to the planet Venus in general.
Now, seeing as to how the figure of the "son of god" was worshipped as "the creator" himself by some more local cultures who idolized him to such degree that they ended up seeing him as the superior god over others – this explains one of the symbologies present on the modern representation of the apparent "pagan god" of the Templars; where he’s depicted with the head of a goat and the five pointed star facing downward. The five pointed star being a symbol of the divine – it represents through the symbology present on the idol the fact that the god in question is not the one who resides in the sky (in which case the five pointed star would have to be pointing upwards instead); but they worshipped on the other hand a creator who was "the creator on earth" thus being "the one below" – so their god was represented by the pointed star facing downwards. (This is for the representations that depict the idol with the star facing down; otherwise in other cases the star is absent altogether).
Now, according to the Atbash ciphering interpretation done on the name "Baphomet" which becomes: "Sophia" – if the interpretation is indeed correct (that Baphomet=Sophia) it would make total sense given how the name of Christ himself was actually "Sophia" and the why that is was explained in this previous post: https://www.reddit.com/EsotericOccult/s/P3ZkDJvXdM – where essentially there was talk on the Christ’s physical appearance and the fact that he was born with androgynous traits. This for example made it so that the character in question also displayed overly-sized pectorals that were rather exposed when compared to the rest of his body and were also rounded and protruding; sometimes even resembling female breasts (and that’s where the symbology of the rooster sticking its chest out and of Christ "with breasts" came from: – the rooster in the act of sticking its chest out: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/81/a6/a5/81a6a5da3c527f3ce0fe1648a7650001.jpg – and the depiction of Christ "with breasts" on the Notre-Dame church: https://gcm.rmnet.be/clients/rmnet/content/medias/christus_750.jpg). This (physical) androgynous nature of the "son of god" was then explained through metaphors and in spiritual terms by Christianity and Gnosticism with the fact that when Sophia incarnated she incarnated as "Jesus Christ".
But – there was also a female-incarnated Sophia; which incarnated as a woman and the figure in question is sometimes identified with the "Thetokos" i.e. "mother of god" Mary – or alternatively substituted by Mary Magdalene the consort of Jesus (being called the "Bride of Christ"). The fact that the Templars were claimed to have worshipped the prophetic head of a female alongside their god refers to the cult of the pagan goddess who corresponded to the Magdalene – where; she was claimed in pagan mythology to have been decapitated or to have been "half-decapitated" (her throat cut significantly to the point of almost detaching her head from her neck) and the goddess in question possessed oracular as well as prophetic gifts. The notion of Magdalene who corresponds to this pagan goddess was addressed in this previous post: https://www.reddit.com/EsotericOccult/s/iHlaRrZnzL. (The head that the Templars held was of course symbolic and not the literal real head. But what was important is what that symbol represented to them – rather than to whom the skull belonged because it was a simple human skull taken from a cadaver).
So essentially the Templars were worshipping both Christ and Magdalene through pagan imagery (Christ being "Sophia" himself and Magdalene being the "female Sophia" who’s the counterpart of the Messiah); something which was not acceptable to the Church – and also because they were worshipping Christ in his real nature as opposed to the heavily filtered and altered version that Christianity gave of him – thus opposing the "official" canon established by the Church altogether.

hi guys im new here! i'm not sure if this is totally limerence but i just need some advice, so for starters im f 18 (a senior in high school) and my limerence is m 17 (& a junior) we started talking and in the beginning i wanted to keep things private and he agreed to which i really appreciated from him. we started talking around feburary of this year and recently just stopped talking around 3 weeks ago. the reason as to why we stopped talking was because i felt he was too friendly around other girls and because he kept standing me up. i told him how i felt in a text message about him standing me up and he agreed that it was wrong and apologized for doing so and we ended off on a positive note with each other because in the begnning i told him we should just be friends. shamely i called him days later and told him i still liked him and still wanted to talk because i did miss him and we agreed to continue talking and to keep things private.
however, he's been walking around with another girl and i keep hearing things about them dating so i completely removed him off everything and would ignore him because it's genuinely weird to me that he didn't even wait to start talking to another girl let alone them both being all in my face every corner i turn at school. i apologize because this sounds like high school drama/bs but he told a mutual friend of ours that he felt i was pushy and that he didn't know if he could take me seriously. it really hurt my feelings because i didn't think he would go and start talking about me to other people especially when i've done nothing but be kind to him especially when i would always give him advice and listen to him when he would rant to me about stuff going on at home, and even got him a gift for his birthday. it hurts because now im rethinking a lot of the type of the person i was in the "relationship" and if i was actually pushy, it hurts my feelings a lot more because he was my first kiss and i feel so ashamed because i've been nothing but kind to him but i don't understand why he didn't let ME know that i was being pushy.
i guess in this perfect reality i expected him to be more mature and not to do me so dirty especially with having another girl in his face in front of me. and i know the "pushy" word he used to describe me to someone else is gonna eat me up for so long and make me feel like there's something really wrong with me and how i'll navigate in my future relationships. can u guys just give me some much needed advice, do you think i was being too pushy? thank u :)