I'm so riddled by anxiety that I have next to no real relationships in my life. Meeting people, forming connections, it just isn't something I'm able to do. I'm constantly on guard for people who are out to use me, and they absolutely are out there, for sure. It's far from an irrational fear, as far as I'm concerned.
I get anxiety from most things, from waking up in the morning to sleeping at night. My hands shake hard like Micheal J Fox on speed, and thats not even me at my worst. What I don't feel anxious about is things like movies and TV shows and stories. Mediums that are seen as increasingly trigger warning worthy. Personally, I detest TW's. They sicken me, actually. I don't like being catered to in that way, and honestly I can't help but think lesser of people who claim that they're in anyway helpful. Anxiety isn't like that for me. I don't encounter a piece of media that troubles me and find myself in an anxious fit. Regular life does that, not fictional events in media. Which leads me to this post.
I frequently see people here post about basic things which bother them which I would never personally conceive as troublesome. I'm curious as to what anxiety actually means for the people here on a daily basis, and how it may differ from my own experiences. Again, I'm not here to diminish anybody's reality, I understand that people react to the world in differing ways. But I just can't understand things like TW's in a practical way that relates to my own experiences of anxiety.

Basically when I say "exploit", I'm talking about when the designers end up creating a card or a stragety that becomes too powerful inadvertedly because they didn't see (Or underestimated) the interactivity with other cards. They eventually have to nerf one or two other cards to make them more fair when competing (And that's when they actually get around to it if ever). Here's the ones I think:
1: Mana cheating. This is when players figure a way to give themselves nearly unlimited mana to use all the cards they want in one turn. Often is combined with another exploit. This could be done by lowering mana cost to 0 for all their cards and/or finding ways to restore their mana over and over.
2: Infinite Card generation. This is when players figure out how to keep respawning the same cards over and over to exploit their effects, like stacking abilities, powerful battlecries, etc. This is often made problematic with the above exploit of mana-cheating so they never run out, often potentially sealing the game for them if not in one turn.
3: Battlecry spamming. Let's face it: Battlecries are some of the most powerful card effects in the game. They can often swing the game completely around. The problem is when players figure out how to use infinite card generation (often combined with mana cheating) to get the same extremely powerful battlecries back into their hand so they can use them over and over again. This is often the fault of rogues and priests, though mages and shamans have been guilty of this too. Its why the Deepminer Brann card was such a problem and had to be nerfed twice.
4: Fatigue protection. Fatigue is supposed to be set up so games don't run forever. However, sometimes players can cheat their way to outliving their opponent by making sure they never run out of cards (like jade druid) or make themselves immune to fatigue damage (Fatigue warlock). This isn't as bad as the above three, since this can be a lot trickier to pull off than others.
5: Too much armor. A rare exploit, but I've found it sometimes that players can finds ways to get armor not just above 100, but even close to a thousand. At that point, they can just wait out the other player and win by fatigue alone. Though rare, it can be hard to beat down your opponent if they have too much armor from an exploit (and don't say Platebreaker, because almost no one carries it because again, this exploit is rare). My only suggestions are either create a new anti-armor ability (say like Piercing where damage bypasses armor and attacks health) and/or put a hard cap on armor like 100.
6: Double down. Referring back to DMB, when effects are doubled, they can be completely devastating. An effect that is bad enough just being hit by once can completely seal the opponent's fate happening twice in the same turn. Combine that with the other mentioned exploits, such as Battlecry spamming, and you get a game that feels no longer fun.
So why do these happen? Because the card designers are human and can't account for everything. We may not like it, but we can only deal with it as it happens and hope for the best they correct their mistakes and learn from it.

I bought this 16ah original speedway scooter second hand when it had 300km on it, i used it for almost 2 years now and have a total of 1800km. I took it to a repair shop once 6 or 7 months ago when it started charging at most till 49.3V before the charger stopped charging and began giving me the green light signifying a full charge even though the scooter said a number around 80 something percent charged. They found a cell or 3 that were failing, they changed them and then for 4 months the scooter was charging at 53,6V or 53,1V consistently and showing 97 or 100 percent.
After those 4 months it still showed a high percentage but it began discharging/dipping faster whenever i used the throttle, but then the voltages went back up. It was still great, it still did about 25km in one charge at 25-35km/h speeds between 2 days.
About a month ago the scooter began getting less charge and now it is getting a max charge of 51.8v or so, the first 300m of riding it, if it was showing 93% of charge at max, then it showed 84%, even after stopping to see if the voltage/battery percentage would go back up. It discharges so fast that doing a 4km ride and then going back, before finishing about 1.3km before arriving back the scooter just "dies". It can be showing 65% and i can be going at a modest 22km/h but then the motor stops, the display starts flashing, the numbers start glitching, the whole scooter becomes unresponsive (yes, even the power button) and it does that for a few seconds while the display gets dimmer every flash until it powers completely off. An interesting thing i see sometimes when the fainting and flashing happens, i see how the voltage and percentage numbers diminish quickly (like before the screen turned off today at its last flicker i saw a voltage of 11.something volts).
Anyways, after a couple of minutes of the scooter being turned off from the fainting problem, i can get lucky and power it back on without seeing the flashes and powering off, the funny thing is that it shows 70% and 48.something volts (obviously those numbers are phantom numbers because if i start riding at speeds over 15 then the flashing symptoms appear sooner guaranteed).
I know that the problem is in the battery pack but i want to know what the cause might be, i am stressed because i use this practically daily to get to class and spending more money on a repair like this again is getting ridiculous. Could the charger be causing this problem? Because when i plug it to the scooter and the charger is on, it won't charge unless i unplug the charger from the wall and plug it back again.
Any help is appreciated, thank you.

hello! i’m 19F and have had HS since a little after puberty(5-6 years). in november of 2024, I decided to see a specialist for it and she prescribed me 50mg Spironolactone for it. I have mild HS but I still get flares and the scarring is brutal.
anyway, I went on spironolactone and it was fine, I didn’t feel any side effects so we upped my dosage to 100mg. around january, I began having headaches almost daily and it was horrible. i hadn’t realized that it was probably the drug so I stayed on it until april. the headaches were probably also in part due to low water consumption (ik that you need to drink tons, but even on days where I did, I would always get headaches). so I took myself off it and didn’t tell my derm because i was afraid of what she’d say and it was finals month and I couldn’t get through that with a constant headache.
i’ve been off it since, but now i’ve noticed pimples in the area and overall redness appearing. it makes me want to get back on spiro but at a 50mg dose. i’m worried that maybe taking myself off spiro so suddenly maybe caused my HS to worsen/ come back?? when I was on it, I didn’t have any active flaring so now I kind of regret coming off it just for it to start back up. I don’t want it to keep worsening and don’t know what to do. is it because I took myself off?? do I get back on it at a lower dose and stay on it?
also, I’ve noticed a lot more blackheads in my groin area and wonder if anyone knows how to prevent/ treat them. i’ve tried popping them but the skin is so sensitive I can’t get a good grip lol. any tips? i’m desperate

I probably could write a long review, but I will try to avoid doing so.
Overall, I don't think Pikmin 4 is perfect, and in some ways, I think it was a step down from Pikmin 3, the game itself was really great.
Losing the ability to throw captains hurt, losing the third captain limited multitasking. Oatchi was something that I was expecting not to like so much, and I ended up loving him, even if he has some flaws. (I fell for the fake rumor that the game was going to feature 4 captains, so I was thinking that 4 captains and a dog is too much.) I really was not a fan of having a custom captain. I much prefer games where I am playing as some character that is not designed as a self-insert. I like Olimar and Louie for that reason. They might not be very deep characters, but they are characters.
I did not like how this game handled getting items. I loved the fanfare for every item in the previous games. In Pikmin 1, it was for the parts, in 2, it was to see the ship react, but I loved spinning the items around as a kid. It made the treasurers feel like cool. I understand why they would have decided not to do it.
OATCHI: To go into the Oatchi topic, I think that he was super cool. I really liked how he was both a unit and a captain. I like how he also played differently than our main captain. He is definitely way to powerful. I often ended sending him in instead of the pikmin because he is. I don't think I liked the lack of pikmin control, because it was based around them all clinging to him.
PIKMIN: The new pikmin types were cool. Glow pikmin and their night segments were super cool. I really like the static defense sections, and I would like to see them expand upon it. I like that they teleport back to the captain, but I don't like that they teleport to Oatchi, since he's often better on his own. The glow pikmin replaced the Bulmin, which is somewhat sad. I found myself only using them in caves for the candy pops, except for the Engulfed Castle (which I am disappointed that the image spoiled what hid in there). Ice pikmin felt a little strong with their freeze stuns, but they were fine. The White and Purple pikmin finally get onions, which is nice, but I only had the onion for the final item, so it was not so much of a boon for me. It felt weird, still. I like the change that ever type of pikmin can dig for hidden items.
CONTROLS: I was not a fan of the auto-lock. It had a tendency make things harder more than it helping. It was really annoying to flip through things to get to what I wanted. I am torn on the new camera angle. I like how it gets up and close, but it makes the game feel less strategic. I think that is why I liked Pikmin 3 on the Wii U a lot was because of the gamepad. When I played Deluxe, I could not help but feel that the something was missing the whole time.
BONUS: They basically remade Pikmin 1 as a bonus game in the post-game. How cool is that?
Overall, I really like the Pikmin games. I started on 2 when I was a kid. I still have my 200+ day (also not complete) game file. My goal was to just chill and grow pikmin then. The caves scared me. I've always liked how pikmin games can be kind of scary sometimes. Regardless, I liked 4 a lot because it returned to the structure of 2, so perhaps I am biased. I always felt like I was missing the caves in 3.
TLDR: Pikmin 4 is good.

LONDON? WTF?
(I don’t know if anyone care about this story but as part of my grieving process I needed to get it out)
It started as a joke. I work at a sports bar in Boston and we got on the topic of how going to a pool party in the end zone of your stadium is on my bucket list. So many people were unaware this even existed. I showed them photos and they were floored.
A week later the home/away schedule was released, and I see the Patriots were playing you guys on your turf. During a spirited day drinking session on Marathon Monday I bring it up again. “lol, what if we all went to Jacksonville? That would be a riot” Everyone is “totally down”. I take it to Facebook the next day and poll my people, just out of sheer curiosity, to see who would be interested in a scheme like this. The response was overwhelming.
Few days later I’m poking around on the Jags website, just to get a feel for what’s involved in this process. I assume it’s all still a pipe dream, that people book this kind of stuff years in advance. I fill out a form for “more information” and less than 12 hours later I have the most wonderful and helpful woman from the Jags ticket office calling me to see how she can get us in that pool TODAY. Honestly, she seemed amused at the idea of an entire end zone filled with jabronis from Boston.
Turns out, the process is extremely approachable and doable, despite the initially frightening price tag of $17k. All of a sudden, a few days later, myself and a few other bartenders have pooled some money together and put down a (fully refundable) deposit for the pool section of the Patriots/Jags game, date TBD.
That was a month ago, and it has almost literally been the only thing people have been talking about since. I had a list of over 60 people interested (pool apparently has a cap of 55). People I didn’t know were contacting me to get involved. Air bnb’s were being researched. Dunkin Donuts track suits and Patriots bikinis were in our virtual shopping carts. Sign ideas were being floated around (“I flew 1000 miles to see Mac Jones disappoint someone else”). We were so ready to show up and be everything you’d expect from a group of (lovable) assholes from Boston.
The first mini-let down was the leak it was going to be a Monday night game. I had to admit that in my head, this was a 1pm Sunday event, sun shining down on us. But hey, an October night in Florida ain’t half bad, especially considering the weather we are used to, so we decide to not let it dampen our spirit.
Which brings us to yesterday. Fuckin London. I cannot tell you the disappointment that engulfed us as we realized that this epic party, something sure to go down in history in our little corner of the world, a party that seemed too fun and too good to be true, was. We are all now in mourning of the party that could have been.
Jacksonville, we will be coming for you. Maybe not this year, and maybe not next, but one year someone will hear deafening cheers from a group of people in the pool who sound like they walked off the set of The Departed, and you’ll know we finally did it.
Good luck this year fans.

Jesus was confused with Satan by some cultures and even worshipped as such – despite the fact that he was considered a "good" Satan and a "positive" Devil that sided with the weak and vulnerable and betrayed the "powerful ones" in order to dedicate himself and his life completely to the poor. (Such notion is not alien at all even to the texts – because Jesus is expressly called the Morning Star in 2 Peter 1:19 and in Revelation 2:28).
This is apparent in the fact that the Hebrews for example did not recognize Christ as the Messiah and they even called him "evil" and applied to him the title "Satan" (from the Hebrew: "śāṭān" meaning: "adversary, enemy"). The definition of "evil" here is relative – because since Jesus went against the teachings that the Hebrews held as sacred and he also went against the teachings that the Muslims for example also regarded as sacred (and he went against many other cultures as well for that matter; because the figure of Jesus was pagan and it actually belonged worldwide to all cultures of the world and he was claimed to have opposed all of them trying to reform them) – he was thus called "evil" in relative terms by some of these cultures; meaning an "enemy" or "adversary" of those doctrines. Originally not even the Christians considered Christ as a positive figure; because Christ professed a lot of ideals that were inconceivable and impossible to apply according to the mentality of the powerful castes that rule society – like the priesthood for example; because Jesus claimed many times that the wealthy ones must renounce everything they have, they must give their money to the poor and then and only then – will they be allowed to follow Christ.
But the Church completely ignored and bypassed this teaching of Christ because they knew that if they had started preaching this to their believers; they would lose all believers in one second since no one wants to give up their house, their wealth and their life to follow the Church. So even the Church had to rearrange and modify a lot of the teachings of Christ while straight up censoring and ignoring others; in order to create a religion out of it. The only difference is that the Christian Church decided that it was worth investing their time and money in turning Jesus into the symbol of their faith and into a figure that would appeal to the masses (basically deifying him and using his name and memory to attract people into the religion) – while the other two religions (Judaism and Islam) completely disregarded Jesus altogether and considered him a madman instead and even went as far as to call him "evil" and a "Devil" precisely because he had preached such revolutionary notions that were just impossible to accept for the rich and wealthy. (Another reason for this is also because Judaism had a different idea of the Messiah altogether and they followed a different Messiah – and this other idea of the Messiah along with other Messiah – were also very different from the "Jesus Christ" concept altogether – but that’s besides the point).
The symbology of the spring refers to the blood of Christ which gives life and makes vegetation grow on the earth much like the water of a spring; but it also holds literal meaning because the pagan figures who correspond to "Jesus" were all claimed to have met their demise or to have had a life-changing experience happen near a spring or near a water-source more generally speaking. Such is the case for Hermaphroditus who was rendered female by his union with Salmacis near a spring; or also the castration of one of the gods called "Uranus" – because according to Cicero in his "De Natura Deorum" there were multiple Uranuses and one of them was the "younger" one – and he’s the same who was said to have been castrated near a spring by Phoenician mythology. (The fact that Hermaphroditus was joined to Salmacis thus becoming definitively feminine near the waters of a spring – refers to the confusion that happened in the myth due to the nature of the two characters taken into analysis; because Hermaphroditus and Salmacis were actually brother and sister in other iterations of the story and they were claimed to have been conjoined thus essentially making up a single being who was a "man-woman" united. But then after their birth they were separated and their bodies were not conjoined anymore; although the male – in this case Hermaphroditus – was claimed to have been castrated in further iterations of the story so it looked as though he had returned to being a female and was thus "rejoined" to his female nature which is why the Greek myth confused it and claimed that Hermaphroditus lost his manhood but he lost it by being rejoined to his twin-sister Salmacis. In reality he was castrated near the waters of that spring – the "conjoined" part referring instead to the myth of their birth, but the two accounts were later confused and amalgamated into a single story for the Hermaphroditus myth; thus confusing also the timeline on when exactly was it that the two siblings were conjoined – whether it was at the beginning of their lives or at the end of it as in the case of Hermaphroditus and Salmacis).
The god Attar of the planet Venus was worshipped as "Atarsamain" (Attar of heaven) by the Arabs and equated with Allat i.e. Athena. He was furthermore equated with the goddess Anat in the form of "Ninurta" – because the Mesopotamian warrior-god Ninurta being equivalent to Attar (and Atarsamain) himself – he was directly equated with the Canaanite goddess "Anat" and the name of Anat was also written as "NIN.URTA" in cuneiform. There is an epithet of Anat which calls the deity: "the strength of life" and this particular epithet is applied to Ninurta continuously throughout Sumerian mythology because he’s consistently called the "strength of Enlil" – the "one with superior strength" – the "son in whose strength the father rejoices" – the one with the "strength of a lion" and Ninurta was also in charge of ditches and canals being the one who created the canal-system in Sumer and who was claimed to have brought to everyone the waters of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers as a result. The epithet of Anat – in this case referring to the male Anat who was though still worshipped as female regardless because the god possessed androgynous qualities (and not coincidentally the term "Nin" which comprises the name "Nin-urta" is actually more often than not utilized for female goddesses in Sumerian culture; for example "Ninhursag", "Ninisina", "Ninlil" etc. as it usually means "lady" – but in this case the word assumes a neutral meaning and its connotation is given by the context; so since the god is male it’s translated as "lord" – but the androgynous aspect of this deity is still kept intact nonetheless by using "Nin" instead of "En" ("En" being more traditionally used in Sumerian to mean "lord") – and the title thus refers for the concept of "the strength of life" to the strength of life as a life-giver; because Ninurta being associated with water and with the fertilizing effects of water having been the one who brought canals and ditches to Sumer; the meaning of the term thus acquired such connotation.
This deity is also always associated with physical beauty; for example in the case of Dumuzi (the Mesopotamian god of vegetation) who was called "the one with the beautiful eyes" and even in the form of "Ishtaran" (a form of Dumuzi worshipped as the "heavenly serpent") – where there are several references to his "beautiful face". This notion of beauty is once again reinforced and repeated for all other versions of this pagan god as he was called by many different names throughout cultures – for example also in the form of "Joseph" the biblical son of Jacob; who was claimed to be so beautiful that while a slave in Egypt the women could not resist him – or even in the form of Japheth the third son of Noah (who corresponds still to the same character) – where the word "Japheth" is connected to the root meaning "to be beautiful".
Thus the ideals of "strength and beauty" refer to him. (The pagan imagery of this god depicts him joyous and free as he dances through the flower-fields and while bringing the springing of vegetation to the seasons – often times represented with ears of corn or garlands adorning his head; as in the case of his Slavic counterpart "Potrimpo" for example).
Christ furthermore corresponds also to the pagan god Dionysus as mentioned in other posts; and Dionysus had a particular epithet in Rome which later ended up becoming his main name (or one of his many names alongside the more renown "Bacchus") and this particular title was that of "Liber" i.e. "the free one", one who embodies "freedom".
In form of "Ishtaran" Dumuzi was worshipped as "Anu" as well – since they called Ishtaran with the epithet "AN.GAL" i.e. "great Anu"; thus meaning that Dumuzi was so beloved and his cult had risen to such prominence at some point – that some local traditions (smaller ones) worshiped him as God the Creator himself and substituted him in place of Anu or at the very least differentiated him from the main "Anu" by calling him "AN.GAL" – "the great Anu" or "greater Anu". This is why Hermaphroditus/Jesus corresponds also in Phoenician mythology to the one "Uranus" who was said to have been castrated near a fountain-spring – Uranus being the Greek equivalent of the Sumerian "Anu" and this is why he was addressed with the name "Uranus" and worshipped as one of the "Uranuses" (the younger Uranus, because the older Uranus is instead the father of Cronus/Saturn and he’s a much older Uranus).
Given how Dumuzi was worshipped as the male Ishtar and as Attar in Canaanite lands (from whom the name "Ishtar" came from because the name of the goddess "Ishtar" is actually in the masculine gender and the goddess inherited that name from the male god who was called "Attar", "Ashtar" and "Ishtar" himself); one has to take into account that the male god was worshipped as androgynous though – which is why he was later equated with the female goddess Inanna in Mesopotamia and became indistinguishable from her to the point that she also came to be called Ishtar herself. The rosette is the symbol of Venus and of this male god of Venus who corresponds to Christ himself.
But at the same time the rosette is also the symbol of the female Venus as well and of the goddess Inanna (the female form of Ishtar) so the rosette refers to both Ishtars; the male and female one referring to the planet Venus in general.
Now, seeing as to how the figure of the "son of god" was worshipped as "the creator" himself by some more local cultures who idolized him to such degree that they ended up seeing him as the superior god over others – this explains one of the symbologies present on the modern representation of the apparent "pagan god" of the Templars; where he’s depicted with the head of a goat and the five pointed star facing downward. The five pointed star being a symbol of the divine – it represents through the symbology present on the idol the fact that the god in question is not the one who resides in the sky (in which case the five pointed star would have to be pointing upwards instead); but they worshipped on the other hand a creator who was "the creator on earth" thus being "the one below" – so their god was represented by the pointed star facing downwards. (This is for the representations that depict the idol with the star facing down; otherwise in other cases the star is absent altogether).
Now, according to the Atbash ciphering interpretation done on the name "Baphomet" which becomes: "Sophia" – if the interpretation is indeed correct (that Baphomet=Sophia) it would make total sense given how the name of Christ himself was actually "Sophia" and the why that is was explained in this previous post: https://www.reddit.com/EsotericOccult/s/P3ZkDJvXdM – where essentially there was talk on the Christ’s physical appearance and the fact that he was born with androgynous traits. This for example made it so that the character in question also displayed overly-sized pectorals that were rather exposed when compared to the rest of his body and were also rounded and protruding; sometimes even resembling female breasts (and that’s where the symbology of the rooster sticking its chest out and of Christ "with breasts" came from: – the rooster in the act of sticking its chest out: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/81/a6/a5/81a6a5da3c527f3ce0fe1648a7650001.jpg – and the depiction of Christ "with breasts" on the Notre-Dame church: https://gcm.rmnet.be/clients/rmnet/content/medias/christus_750.jpg). This (physical) androgynous nature of the "son of god" was then explained through metaphors and in spiritual terms by Christianity and Gnosticism with the fact that when Sophia incarnated she incarnated as "Jesus Christ".
But – there was also a female-incarnated Sophia; which incarnated as a woman and the figure in question is sometimes identified with the "Thetokos" i.e. "mother of god" Mary – or alternatively substituted by Mary Magdalene the consort of Jesus (being called the "Bride of Christ"). The fact that the Templars were claimed to have worshipped the prophetic head of a female refers to the cult of the pagan goddess who corresponded to the Magdalene – where; she was claimed in pagan mythology to have been decapitated or to have been "half-decapitated" (her throat cut significantly to the point of almost detaching her head from her neck) and the goddess in question possessed oracular as well as prophetic gifts. The notion of Magdalene who corresponds to this pagan goddess was addressed in this previous post: https://www.reddit.com/EsotericOccult/s/iHlaRrZnzL.
So essentially the Templars were worshipping both Christ and Magdalene through pagan imagery (Christ being "Sophia" himself and Magdalene being the "female Sophia" who’s the counterpart of the Messiah); something which was not acceptable to the Church – and also because they were worshipping Christ in his real nature as opposed to the heavily filtered and altered version that Christianity gave of him – thus opposing the "official" canon established by the Church altogether.

My yard has been infested with ants, they are everywhere, all over my roses, mini roses, black and these red ants, I don't know why. I did start using that espoma rose food, and a month later the ants were everywhere. They are eating the basil because the leaves are munched on, as for the roses they're just walking all over the leaves and flowers , I did find one rose that had a perfect open hole, some of the leaves are munched on too. What can I do to at least minimize the amount of ants? And is this ant larvae? I don't see any other bugs or insects on or under the leaves, nothing just ants. Also how can I keep the caterpillars from eating my Dahlia buds? Have had 2 buds not even close to flowering eaten along with leaves. Any advice welcomed.

Not even sure why I’m writing this, it’s like I came to a realisation that maybe I’m depressed. I’m not even entirely sure if it is depression I just feel flat don’t want to do anything, avoiding seeing friends and the girlfriend for some reason I just want to be left alone. Maybe Life’s just getting to me like half the country I still live at home nothing against the parents and I’m grateful for what they have done for me but I am sick of sharing a room at 24. I don’t have a hope of buying a house either. I have a decent job but if I’m being honest I’m not good at it I feel like I’m a bit slow at getting things. Any suggestions on how to get out of this rut ?

I have been working for retail customer service for 15+ years (I am 35 yy). Specifically, I have worked in luxury department stores, and to say I am exhausted is an understatement. I am finding it difficult to shake off the negativity I carry with me everyday, and try so hard to put on a happy face for people here. I have asked management for advice, to only get nothing helpful in return (it always seems to benefit the business at the end of the day--not me as a person).
A lot of existential stress consumes my mind, i.e. what am I actually doing for society, how does this fulfill my soul, is anyone even aware of whats happening in the world-- I literally cannot shake it off ever, and you can see it on my face from customers and fellow associates. I can't hide it anymore, I am at my end of giving a shit.
For context, I am struggling financially (I am sure everyone else is), I feel less spiritually connected with the world, I have been trying to lessen my screen time on social media, but it makes me feel even more lonelier--which is crazy because even when Im on social media, I get fomo. With the added financially issues, I isolate myself to avoid spending unnecessary money. I am not looking for advice on making more money; already exhausted asking for loans from banks/friends. Its not the way--its why I am in my situation.
Anyways, just having to show up to work, wondering if I am going to be ok in my 70s, am I doing anything now to ensure that, what do I actually wanna do, why am I so overwhelmed with these questions I don't know how to answer them or where to begin. I've been told to take a break, like a vacation or something, but I don't have the money for that. Unfortunately I have also had dark thoughts, but I wouldn't take action on them because I do love myself enough that I know I am stronger than that--but it doesn't mean I am tired exhausted and depressed.
Trying so hard to get out of retail hell but its literally all I know, and its all my experience is. I didn't go to school for anything. Im at the point of accepting my reality and accepting maybe this is just it for me. But there is a tiny little voice telling me "you can do it! you gotta try harder--i know you're tired, but you gotta!" Being my own cheerleader is also exhausting. LOL ugh.
Just wanted to vent. Thanks!

Recently my friend(21) got cheated on by her bf of over a year, and ofc since we were super close I was the first one to help her through it and comfort her .. but for some reason I just don’t feel as much sympathy for her as I normally would for someone who got cheated on . For context, he was her first bf, and bc all three of us were in the same class I was basically her wing woman and I supported her and the relationship when they started dating ( helped her choose her outfits , and helped clean her entire car). However things in our relationship started getting strained. This was primarily bc we started hanging out less, which I didn’t really mind bc I understood that she was excited to be in her first relationship. The main thing that set me off however was that one time when she was going to pick him up while I was in the car ( I needed to be dropped off in a location that was literally a five minute drive away from his place ) she made me sit in the back seat . This wouldn’t have been a big deal if the only backseat that was available in the car didn’t have ACTUAL DOG SHIT from her un-potty trained pup smeared on top of it. Obviously I refused to sit in the back bc wtf 💀 I just asked her “bro can’t you just drop me off where I need to be and then pick him up . It’s literally five minutes away .” She refused for whatever reason. This pissed me off so I just got out of the car and walked . Mind you this was in the winter in the Midwest so it was cold and snowing hard 💀

 After that I started to become more distant . When I used to see her every day, we started only seeing each other every few weeks , and even then every time she would go on and on about her man and the arguments they had. Even when I was distraught over my own break up and went to vent to her about It , she flipped the conversation to about how her man would never do her like that and how he got her flowers . But clearly he wasn’t that great , bc her family and our friends didn’t like him all that much . And he’s been cheating for most of the time they’ve been tgt. So now she’s been asking us to hang out w her every day like we used to , but somehow I just don’t feel like being the replacement just so she can fill the void that her ex left … I feel bad for feeling this way bc she is my friend and she has been there for me in my hard times before , but I can’t deny the resentment that’s built up bc of this, and I jus can’t feel as much sympathy as I usually would …. 

I am currently 18F, This is my first post because I just don't know what to do. I do not want or expect any sympathy or comfort. I just wanted to confess this to an unbiased audience as I have already told two people in my life (TW) sa, vomiting, general mental illness I wanted to confess to the horrible things I have done in my life. I don't know what to do. I am not seeking comfort or for anyone to excuse my actions. I've just been feeling like I'm suffocating recently. I'll start by saying what I did: I touched my sister inappropriately twice. When I was 9(we have a roughly 8 year age gap. I was exposed to child prn and animal prn multiple times. At the time I didn't understand how bad it was. I knew that prn was "for adults", but not that child and animal prn was a completely separate issue. At the time I also saw articles on m*sturbation and how girls can grind on things. Because of this, I copied what I saw and humped my sister in the hallway of our apartment(both fully clothed). I think I did it two or three times (always in the hallway and only for a few seconds). After that, I had stopped and forgot about it. I suddenly remembered what I did when I was 15. a little before this I had suddenly stated thinking I was a pedophile and attracted to my sister. these thoughts came out of nowhere and I didn't know what was wrong with me. When I remembered what I did when I was 9, I took it as proof that I was a pedophile who was going to one day sexually children. I panicked everyday, I constantly was "checking" to see if I found kids attractive. from then on I stayed away from all children, including my younger sister. She would sleep in my bed sometimes and I would help her shower, but at that point I didn't want to be anywhere near her. I would try to stop these thoughts by forcing myself to throw up while thinking of kids (not sexually l, just kids in general). I though it would train my mind to not see kids that way. I started looking up ways to see if you were a pedophile all the time, and I saw that the main difference was attraction and sexual arousal. Thus is where things get bad but I won't sugarcoat anything. I thought that if I "proved" I wasn't attracted to kids/my sister, I wouldn't be at risk of sexually harming her. So, I went I to our moms room(they were both there. They were awake, sitting up, and the lights were on. Thye both had blankets on their legs.This doesn't make things better but it adds detail). I placed two of my fingers on top of her groin(She had underwear on) for a moment(no more then 3 seconds not that it makes it better),pulled my hand away, and check to see of I felt attraction or if I felt grossed out. I did thus twice(same manner and setting). My sister didn't notice that I did anything, so she has no recollection of this happening(not sure how she didn't to be honest). At the time, for some reason, I didn't register what I did as sexual assault, I thought I was proving that I wouldn't one day do something horrible(I know now this was very counterintuitive). I truly did not think I was hurting her or being sexual/using her to get off and I was not my intent to hurt her or be perverted(once again, not looking for sympathy).I forgot I did this until about 5 months ago,and I had realized the severity of what I did and the harm I could have caused her. I have been extremely depressed with, suicidal thoughts since then(not that It's not deserved). some days I'm "okay" but other days I cannot eat, sleep, or go about my day with feeling sick. I am disgusted with myself. I can't be around my sister and am basically scared to be around her. My sister still likes me and wants to be around me, but im constantly thinking "what if you convince her to do sexual things l", "what if you got off to her", "what if your just in denial and do awful things". These thoughts terrify me. I love my sister, but I feel sick everytime I'm around her, and she doesn't understand why I don't want to be near her anymore. I told my mom and my grandmother, and neither were particularly enraged(neither brushed it off either, rightfully so). Though I do not deserve their love, I'm grateful they still accept me. I've never fantasized about children or got off to them and am disgusted at the idea of grooming a child and/or convincing them to do sexual acts, especially my sister,so I have no idea why I thought what I did was a logical course of action to take or why I felt the need to "test" or "prove" myself or why I kept/keep haveing debilitating anxieties and fears over being a pedophile. I don't know if my mom will let me go to therapy and my grandma does not want me to go to the police. I know it's selfish but I don't want to go to jail or register as a sex offender, even though I basically am one. I have asked the universe to give me any karma that I deserve or to curse me(it silly, I know. I don't know why I did that. I probably sounded insane). For now, whatever happens, I've put my fate in the hands of whoever has my soul. If I do go to jail,or have to register as a sex offender, I will accept that as my deserved punishment. My sister has autism and will need support for the rest of her life( now she is doing better than previously expected though). so I'll will try to support her the best I can(if she still wants me around later) and try to atone for what I have done. I know it doesn't mean much now, and I can't change the past, but I truly did not want or intend to hurt her. I also want to support my mother for being given a daughter like me That is everything. if you read to the end. thank you.

Just had an interview with a huge beverage company and it was the worst interview I've ever been a part of.
To start the 3rd party HR company sent an invite to the interview without any sort of job title attached and no ability to change the interview time. It was just here is your zoom interview, make it happen. I had applied to multiple positions with the company.
The interviewer is 10 minutes late and apologizes and says he sent a text. Next got that text. This old guy pulls up my resume and is clearly reading it off for the first time. We walk through my experience then he of course asks what I know about the position. I start going through it and he says nothing. We have a brief exchange and he asks if I have any questions. I start asking about salary and based off his answer I realized we were not even discussing the position I thought the interview was for.
This is when the interview takes a big turn and he basically glorifies a bilingual internal candidate and says he's going to be chosen. Immediately I know this is a giant waste of time. I made sure I prepared and could be on zoom at that time and he continues to talk up this other candidate saying how he's going to step down for the opportunity to work for him. Now he starts glorifying himself and all the amazing things he's done in his career. Half the interview was this guy talking about how amazing this other candidate and himself are.
He then proceeds to say don't worry its not a diversity hire, I'm very straightforward and up front, some people like it others don't. Take it how u want.
He asked if I had any questions and I just said yeah I did but yeah not any longer. Thanks for your time. It's hard to believe ppl like this guy are in charge and gatekeep these positions.
Now further dejected from these hiring processes. It's so completely demoralizing and a fucking joke. Wtf.

I (23F) have been dating 25M for 10 months now. I am so scared I am going to sabotage this relationship because of my insecurities. I am just comparing myself endlessly with his ex and his ex-FWB, and even random girls.
It’s almost like I want to make myself feel anxious and insecure. Information, pictures or texts that I've found through lurking (which I try to stop doing) hurts my feelings but have burned themselves into my head. For example,
the summer we started dating he was frequently liking his ex-FWB pictures on IG - some revealing, some not - last one he liked was from a couple of months back, a very revealing one where she had taken a picture from above, angle looking into her tanktop, her tongue was out, nipple piercings visable through her shirt, very suggestive. Him liking provocative pictures of a woman he used to have sex with makes me uncomfortable. He hasn't done it for months now, but I fear it could return around summer when she wears revealing outfits again.
I've also recently realized in a group chat with his friends he added me to, you can look back at messages before you were in the GC. That led me to look way back and see some things from months before we started dating, that still bothers me. Messages about his ex-FWB, how hot she is, how hot it is that she is a masochist (I'm not one), etc. I even saw pictures he had shared in the GC of many, many nudes she had sent him and pictures he took while they were having sex, in many different positions. It bothers me it looks to be using the same BDSM equipment he uses on me, the same positions he likes me in, etc. It makes me paranoid he's thinking about her when he's having sex with me. From the pictures it was apparent she is more sexually confident than I am, which makes sense given she has a much bigger sexual history than I do, he only just took my virginity, but still, it makes me scared he wishes I was more like her.
I also saw a message he sent in the GC 8 days after him and I had met: “I asked *ex-fwb* if she wanted to fuck just now, she's online she’s ignoring me lol”. This was 8 days after we met, 8 days after he sent a message to that same GC about how he met a cute girl and he thinks that she likes him (me). We weren't official, didn't become so until 5 days after he sent that ex-fwb message, but still, it kind of hurts he wishes to hook up with her once more even after we had met, we had had our first date at that point. Especially also because he has told me multiple times that having sex with her reassured him that sex just as a means to get off wasn't for him, and that it was the emotional intimacy that made it important to him, he said he didn’t even enjoy it, wasn’t even attracted to her body type, etc…. yet he wanted to do it again? I fear he lied to me.
There were also some messages from the past about his ex. He send various different texts various different occasions about how he loves how extremely outgoing and sociable she is and that they can have such intelligent discussions. I feel like him and I never discuss things back and forth. I also am very, very much the opposite of "sociable", I am very quiet and subdued, I like to observe more than anything and talking to strangers makes me nervous. He also send a comment about how his ex, at the time when they were dating, had "perfect big boobs", which makes me insecure since mine are much more on the smaller side.
I also get jealous of girls we see when we're out. He's told me he's attracted to pale skin, dark hair and blue eyes - which I have - but so does a lot of other attractive girls. Whenever we see one, I get anxious thoughts telling me he thinks she is more attractive than me and that he wishes he was her girlfriend instead, and that if I wasn't there he would go and flirt with her, etc. He's also said he gets very turned on by girls in chokers, and whenever we see one that has one I get so insecure and sad, thinking he is imagining having sex with her and wishing he could be with her instead of me. I get really down by these thoughts, he always notices and asks me multiple times if I am OK, gets worried, etc. I try to pretend I am OK but I am not.
Another side note, is how whenever I perform oral or him I try to make eye contact but he always likes keeping his eyes closed. That makes me feel unattractive, like he doesn't want to look at me, despite saying how much he loves my eyes. It makes me feel so insecure because I always imagine he's probably thinking about someone else, or some porn he has seen, instead of me.
This is me being insecure. I am aware of that, fully. I want to fix it. I am in queue for therapy, but with my country's’ psychiatric care being what it is, I can’t expect it to happen anytime soon. My friend waited for 2 years, and that is around the predicted time for anyone who isn’t willing to go the private route - which I don’t have money to do. So I’m doing my best with what I can do. It is absolutely exhausting, the way everything makes me second guess myself. I've considered breaking up multiple times, even though I love him and really can see myself having a family with him in the future, just because it is so draining and I feel much more insecure now than I ever did before we were dating.
The little insecurity that I do show, he will go on to reassure me a ton. Every time I give into my thoughts and ask him questions or express concerns he always is so loving, supportive and reassuring that he loves me for how I am, he's called me more attractive, trustworthy, more compatible, etc, that any girl he had a relationship with before, so it's not as if he is trying to make me insecure or anything. This is all in my head, but unfortunately being aware of that doesn't make it easier to get it out.
TL;DR: I'm struggling with insecurities in my relationship with my boyfriend of 9 months. I find myself comparing myself to his exes and feeling inadequate. I've discovered past messages about his ex-FWB and ex-girlfriend that exacerbate my anxiety, from before we were dating. In these messages he is calling her hot to his friends, seeing the GC nudes she sent him, graphic pictures from when they had sex, which makes me extremely insecure and worried that he prefers her, or is thinkig about her when we do stuff.
Also about his ex, about how he thinks she's so amazing for being sociable and outgoing and I am the completely opposite. I worry that he wishes I was more like her.. I feel jealous and uncomfortable with the fact that he has liked his ex-FWB provocative IG pics last summer and I worry he will start liking her pictures again this summer when she starts to wear less clothing again, despite them seemingly not having been in contact since she ghosted him. I'm aware of my insecurities and seeking therapy, but it's not readily available. My boyfriend is supportive, but I fear my insecurities may damage our relationship. How do I repair my insecurities?

TL;DR: I keep falling for toxic women, particularly ENFJs, and I'm not as attracted to healthier, more balanced women. Seeking insights into why this happens and advice on avoiding limerence towards the wrong people. Have you experienced this with ENFJs? What psychological causes might underlie this behavior? Any techniques, habits, or books to recommend?
Hi everyone! I'm opening this thread because after a few years of dating and actively pursuing girls I've noticed a pattern that doesn't look very positive: I seem to exclusively fall in love with women that are quite toxic and even sociopathic in some cases (an ENTP friend told me once: "the girls you like are usually quite sus lol." These women have always been xNFJ. At the same time, I'm not so passionately attracted to other women that could be considered healthier and more balanced.
I would really want to understand what the explanation for this phenomenon could be.
Below I'm giving more context and some reflections that I hope some of you will find useful, but for those who are unwilling to keep reading, I would like to ask you a few questions.

• Have you ever experienced this before (more specifically with ENFJs) and in a recurrent manner
• What do you think are the underlying ultimate psychological causes of this kind of unhealthy behaviour?
• Which techniques, methods, habits have worked for you to avoid becoming limerent towards the wrong person?
• Any books you think are worth recommending (preferably something practical and prescriptive, I already read Love and Limerence, but it was eminently descriptive)?

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Conditions to Fall in Love

I've identified these characteristics in all the women I've considered as potential soulmates.

• Attraction towards Fe-proficient individuals. I'm not sure if this is the case for all INTPs. I don't remember having such a liking for xNFJs when I was younger; it seems to have begun after I started treating Extraverted Feeling as an area I really need to improve. I like when people show (an exaggerated) interest in my pastimes and ideas or when they put my needs first (e.g. pouring water in your glass first during a dinner). And I guess it makes sense. In Projection and Personality we can read that we can "idealize the opposite attitude, especially in the opposite sex, making partnerships in order that the partner will play a complementary role for us. Jung commented that this was fairly frequent in marriage and even necessary, but such idealizing biases are just as deluded as the negative biases. Each “attitude-type” projects attributes onto the other that are not rightly his or hers", and that the use of the inferior function can lead one to become "addicted to or infatuated by activities or individuals associated with the function." Personality Cafe's user Entropic wrote an interesting comment about this as well.

This might explain the preference for toxic, unbalanced individuals. A toxic ENFJ would be one that is an Fe-Se loop, which apparently entails being extremely consciuos and responsive to other people's needs and feelings while constantly looking for new stimulating experiences such as doing aerobic sports, partying, or travelling.

• Attraction towards Ni-Se Axis Users. Despite what Socionics proposes, I've never found our duals (ESFJs) attractive at all. Notwithstanding their command of Fe, they appear to me as shallow, uninteresting, and simple-minded (no offense intended, I'm just stating what I perceive). The same for ISFJs; in the last weeks I ran into a very beautiful ISFJ girl a few times, and despite finding her very physically appealing, no infatuation could take place there because her conversation was one-sided, superficial, and ultimately, unfulfilling. On top of that, they (and people in the Si-Ne Axis in general) tend to lack a fondness for touching, which I personally find very interesting in a romantic partner.

I believe these two conditions explain why INFJs and, particularly, ENFJs can be so alluring to me (and perhaps to other INTPs): they tend to have top-notch social skills, are great conversationalists and know how to touch people in the right moment and at the right place to create a sense of connection.

• Importance of physical attractiveness. Infatuation does not happen with every INFJ and ENFJ I encounter. I also need to feel the urge to mix my genes together with those of the other person. I know a slightly older ENFJ girl who is a good friend of an ENTP girl friend of mine Although she displays a lot of behaviours I know I would consider attractive under different conditions, I don't find her hot enough, so the spell does not work out, and I am able to impartially see how unhinged she is.

Why Limerence Keeps Coming Back

• Immature Fi. This is a bit speculative, but I believe if I still feel limerent every so and so despite being 28 it is because of an incapacity to control and structure my own strong emotions, which is the territory of Introverted Feeling (recently, I read a biography of Madame Curie and found super relatable her affair with Paul Langevin, during which she behaved in a complete irrational manner in spite of being over her 40s). There could, of course, be non-personality-type-related reasons (which is what I'm actually trying to find out), but Fi-doms don't seem to experience this state of anxiety that frequently. I discussed this with my ISFP mother, and she admitted feeling "butterflies in her belly" only once in her lifetime, when she was in high school. Never again felt that way, not even with my ENTJ father, but that doesn't prevent her from loving him. I also discussed it with an INFP colleague, and he also said that maybe he felt this way when he was a teenager but has never felt it in his adult relationships. To me that could point to an ability present in Fi-doms to quickly and intuitively learn how to self-adjust in certain situations that caused internal distress in the past. What makes me believe this could be true is that I know that, for example, ENFJs can also fall in love hard and can get depressed after a breakup. Another ENFJ friend of my ENTP girl friend broke up recently with a long-term partner and she seems to have been suffering from melancholy and a sentiment of meaninglessness and loss of direction. She said she has always believed that you need to feel infatuated to love someone, and I believe ENFJs also have Fi in a critical spot.

The Women I Have Fallen in Love With

I want to describe four women I've gotten to know well and who ended up being quite crazy despite having initially awaken very strong feelings in me. I hope to show with that that I'm not the problem and that there is a grounded pattern that involves different types of women that only share their psychological type. I also got infatuated with 2 other ENFJ women, but that was temporarily (after sleeping with one, and after seeing the other in a few social gatherings) and couldn't know them on a deeper level. And I pursued an ENFP an ESFP as well (which, in their way, are also quite proficient with Fe). I'm not including them because the ENFP, although she is very toxic, I met her first online and couldn't see the whole picture, and the ESFP is in fact a decent human being, and we are still friends.

• My ENFJ supervisor (+40). She looked quite well despite her age, and I found interesting the fact that she was independent and presumably hard-working. Thought intensely about her for a month. Then I knew she had cheated on her boyfriend of 3 years with one of my best friends, and then lied to the boyfriend to make him believe it was my friend who was obsessed with her, and manipulated my friend to support her version. Then, when the boyfriend knew the truth, she accused him of being responsible for the situation. She also dated a guy from a LatAm country when she was younger, made him accompany her to her home country in Europe, and asked him to leave because she was bored of him after a month.
• The INFJ who texted me through Instagram (28). She saw me on Tinder, but she is 2 years older, so she didn't appear to me because of the age filter. Then replied to one of my stories. First, she told me she didn't like me because I was too young (she knew that from the beginning). Then, after making out, she didn't want to have a relationship because she said the chances of me leaving the country were too high, and in the end, she would leave the country herself a few months later to pursue a degree that has nothing to do with her original studies.
• The sociopathic ENFJ colleague (31). Met her in a bar and talked for 2 hours; everything fine. A few weeks later, we go to a dinner with other people. After I suggest that all Ethiopian dishes taste the same and after saying that if someone is Hispanic and has a Chinese surname, it is very likely that they are Peruvian, she exhorts me to keep my biases at home, accuses me of breaking social harmony and basically implies in an incredibly aggressive manner that I say racist things. I had to take a 10-minute walk to calm down after that. We were supposed to talk privately so I could explain her why I didn't like that moment, but then she decides a week later to expel me from a work-related group chat without giving any explanation. Never talked again after that.
• The ENFJ without clear ideas (24). Met her a few times through mutual friends and she seemed interested, but then I was told she was in a long-distance relationship. I decided not to pursue her because of that, but even though I knew the fact that she had not mentioned her boyfriend for 6 months was a HUGE red flag, I found her super interesting. Confessed my feelings to her and asked her to tell me if I had 0 chances so I could move on; her reply: "you should act as if you had 0 chances." Went on 2 more dates, but then she got incredibly emotional because of a discussion we had on nature vs. nurture stuff (it had been quite amusing for me, only realized she was triggered when her hands started literally shaking), sent me the longest text message I ever received in my life describing me as a soulless monster, and asked me for "time, space and boundaries" before we could meet again. Didn't hear about her in almost 2 months, then she apologized and proposed to meet again, but that never materialized.

If you made it until the end, thanks for your time. I hope you enjoyed and also hope to read you in the comments 😊

Hello to anyone reading this! I just made this account today to seek guidance because I am at that point... I am in my Freshman year of college and let's just say it has been a whirlwind. At the beginning of my Freshman year, I became totally disconnected from everything and myself. I felt so homesick and I was just a bottomless pit of anxiety and panic for months. I let myself go academically and ended up on probation... I failed 2 classes and withdrew from another last semester and ended up with an embarrassing amount of credits (5... 4 from one class and 1 from another). This isn't like me and it has caused me to completely spiral, I literally feel like a different person and whenever anything piles up now I just completely freeze and become mentally paralyzed. While I did try so much harder this semester, I am still panicked about my grades. I believe I may fail one or two classes. I had tried to withdraw from one of them, but I was denied and now I am screwed for that class unless my professor replies to my desperate email. Something important I'd like to add is that after my first semester, I got tested and was diagnosed with compound ADD/ADHD, a depressive disorder, and an anxiety disorder. These have factored into a lot of my struggle this year and I fear that it is going to cause me academic dismissal. I have no idea what to do. I am so panicked and getting kicked out of university is absolutely NOT an option for me. I will literally be disowned and murdered by my parents. I just need some advice on what to do. I've tried emailing my professors, but my semester is over tomorrow. I would've gotten a little more of a headstart if I hadn't received my denied withdrawal email literally this morning. PLEASE does anyone have any advice? How can I avoid this? I feel so alone in this, I haven't told a single soul and I don't have the option to. Is there even a way for this situation to be resolved? I've been trying for months to seek advice from an advisor, but they just never answered my emails. What can I do to stay in school? I want to stay, and I love to learn, but I don't know what the hell is going on with me lately. My mental state has greatly improved, but I feel like I completely failed, and the only person to blame is myself. If you're reading this, thank you for reading the whole thing, that was the first time I ever wrote these words or even expressed the amount of shit I'm in lol.

I want to start off by saying this relationship isn’t even official or even that long for that matter (2 months). I have been in a few relationships in the past but this girl really took my breath away. I fell for her HARD in the first week of talking to her and the feelings were mutual. I was supposed to see her this weekend but she’s sick and wanted me to come over next week. I insisted on coming over this weekend and also the next, in my head I thought that she doesn’t want me to see her sick because it’s “gross” and I didn’t even consider that being sick in general just sucks and being around people in general while you’re sick is unpleasant. Now due to me not having a drivers license I would have a friend drive me and we got into an argument because of a misunderstanding while discussing when exactly I would be coming to visit her. We got through that but in the process I have to admit I acted sporadic and combined with her not feeling good to begin with it and something personal that happened in her family lead to the current situation. We are not talking, she wants space and I don’t blame her as she’s felt overwhelmed this whole week and I didn’t notice how to ask her what’s wrong. When we had the argument she said that under the circumstances we cannot progress normally (she currently lives 100km away at university) and then she mentioned the situation about her family. I read that and my mind instantly went in to “fix mode” and I tried to tell her that the distance will not be a problem given how much we like eachother. I didn’t pay attention to the family member that she mentioned because I didn’t want to change the subject. Because of that she said that she said that I ignored that part she said that she needs stability and support both of which I don’t give her. I feel like that isn’t completely fair to me because I know I can do both of those things but in that moment I was focused on our relationship and making sure it wouldn’t end. Now I am conflicted because I didn’t get to tell her and show her that I can do that and I don’t know if I should tell her all of this or just give her some time. She said she will see what its like not talking to me for a while and I’m scared that she will lose interest in me. What should I do? TLDR: me and my girl got into an argument and she wants space

See, I'm making a game in Godot; and I'm new to both coding and 3D modeling. That said, I have a good enough aptitude with art and language that learning it isn't too bad; I just don't know how to approach this one, simple problem:
I need to be able to create an object that can exist in multiple states, and contain multiple animations that can later be called to. This applies to more than just doors, of course... but this is the simplest, most immediate source of the problem.
I can think of two ways to approach this:
1.) I create four separate files containing the door. Two for the open/close states, two for the open/close animations. But I get the sense that these are gonna be treated as four separate objects, and that just won't work.
2.) I create one file containing one copy of the door and assign two animations and rest states to it. I feel like this is the right way to do it, but it involves things I just don't know how to do. So let's explore that!

• How do I even establish a resting state? I can animate, I can model, but I don't know how to get Blender, or any program, to differentiate between the two. I know if I animate on the timeline and leave it at that, it's gonna play on loop once the object is instanced. Instead, I wanna know how to get an object to sit in a position until a condition is triggered, at which point it plays an animation once and enters a new resting position.
  
• How do I create multiple resting states?
  
• How do I add multiple separate animations into a single file and object? Far as I can tell there's just one timeline.
  
• Can I include this object, as well as its animations, in a larger tileset (modular stair pieces, walls, floors, etc) Or will this cause headaches down the line?
  

been lifting weights since i was 16 ish, I'm now 22, made much progress, slowly but surely.
i went from 68kg 185cm to a max of 102kg, not I'm cutting and fairly lean at 88kg...
I've been doing the same program for all these years it's a modified version of the "fierce 5" program
3 days a week, alternating between workouts, about 2.5hours per workout, pushing to failure or very close on every set
workout A:
ab roll 3 set
vaccums 3 set
squat or leg press 3 set
bench press barbell/dumbbell 4 set
rows ( either with machine or barbell) 3 set
face pulls/reverse flies 3 sets
4 sets of biceps
6 sets of triceps
3 sets a chest isolation exercise if I'm not exhausted (my chest sucks)
workout B
3 sets of abs, usually cable crunches
2 sets of leg curls
2 sets of leg extensions
3 sets of deadlifts
4 sets of barbell/dumbell press or machine
3 sets of lat pulldowns/pull ups
4 sets of biceps
4 sets of calf raises on the machine
3 sets of deltoid isolation if I'm not exhausted
3 sets of trap shrugs if I'm not exhausted
I've been progressing with this workout even after all this years, I don't wanna go to the gym more than 3 times week, so I think a split is gonna be inferior to a full body workout.
my gym buddy told me that what I'm doing is wrong and I should do a 3 day/week split and it will be superior
what do you guys think? i personally don't agree with him, plus he's way smaller than me is kinda fat and did roids in the past (lol) not that it matters, just thought it would be funny to mention it. I don't see how a 3day/week split would benefit me and I wouldn't know how to set it all up... 4 days a week I could definitely see that working, but I don't wanna go to the gym more than 3 times week so that's a no go. what do you guys think?

Hello everyone, I posted last year about my dogwood tree that's in an area that gets full sun most of the day. I honestly thought it would not survive the winter so we were very excited when it came back this spring. However, we've had some issues.
We did NOT have it staked/guyed last summer and through the winter. Although I cannot see the root flare, which implies that it's too deep, the roots are actually pretty shallow. So when we had a big storm last month it started learning WAY over. I staked/guyed it as gently as I could to help support but not prevent its movement.
We've just had another week of rough weather so even with the staking/guying it's leaning again. And the leaves are looking sickly.
I regularly clear any mulch away from the trunk and remove weeds as they emerge. But if I try to sweep away any soil like you'd do to reveal a root flare, it shifts the soil in such a way that it looks like the roots are just below the surface.
So I'm once again seeking help from the arbor experts of Reddit. Is it staked/guyed wrong? Is it actually too shallow? Do I need to fertilize in some way? And something I just thought of, could this be the result of the lawn guys spraying weed killer on the grass and accidentally getting some on the tree?? I have no idea how careful they try to be, if at all.
How do I save my tree? Thank you!

Hello everyone,
This is my first time writing here, and I'm not sure what to expect and what kind of responses I'll receive. I look forward to hearing from you!
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
I'm using fictional names.
For some context, I wrote the letter below to my "ex," although I'm not sure if I can really use the word "ex." We always referred to our relationship as simply David & Mathieu. When people asked us if we were a couple, we would say no, it was just David & Mathieu.
We were friends for a year and a half before starting a different dynamic. It wasn't planned or wanted; it just happened very naturally. He has always been someone special to me; I don't know how to explain it, but for as long as I can remember, he has been special to me, and I told him that.
Two things to know about him are that he has an avoidant attachment style, which he himself acknowledges. So sometimes it was complicated; he never reassured me about anything, had blockages like we couldn't see each other during the week, and very often I couldn't touch him (affectionately) because he needed space. But I know he made efforts and stepped out of his comfort zone for us. He started holding my hand in public by himself, opening up more and more, and introduced me to important people in his life. It may not seem like much, but for someone with an avoidant attachment style, it was already a lot.
What made the situation even more complicated is that he was also fraysexual. So as the relationship progressed, the closer we got, the less sexual interest he had in me. He still needed sex, but it wasn't possible with me. Again, he was aware of how he was, and we always talked about it openly.
David & Mathieu lasted 7 months, and what ended it were the arguments we had towards the end. I started feeling insecure about his sexuality, the fact that he was back on dating apps (he said it was just for hookups) - I believed him, but it still made me insecure, and he had trouble reassuring me. He would get angry and say that I doubted his word. Furthermore, I brought up things from the past, like a guy he had something with while we were together during the first month of David & Mathieu. Also, towards the end, he expressed his need for space and to minimize contact, and I also struggled to give him that. I believe I have an anxious attachment style, so it was complicated for me to respond to some of his requests. But when we were together, it was really good; we often told each other that the best moments together were when it was just the two of us.
Anyway, he gave reasons for ending us: that I often doubted his word, that I brought up the past too much, and that he felt like he couldn't do things he had the right to do (like sleeping with others) and that I couldn't give him the space he needed. He was always honest about not wanting to lose his freedom. I never intended to take it away from him, but sometimes I needed to discuss things to feel good, and he struggled with that.
It's been a week now since we last had contact. We never really had a discussion to close everything; he shared his decision with me over the phone, I reacted badly, I tried to convince him to change his mind, and that's it.
The day after the phone call, he still agreed to come do an activity with me, but he said only because I told him it would make me feel better, and after that activity, he gave me back the things he had at his place. I still have things with me.
I would like to hear opinions from both individuals with an avoidant attachment style and those without. What do you think of the letter? Is it a good idea to send it, or do you think I should make some modifications?
Well, here's the letter finally.
Thank you.
I respect and understand your choice.
I've wondered if it's also what I wanted and maybe I was just delusional to think otherwise.
I'm not expecting or needing you to respond to these messages. It was important for me to share my observations with a clear head rather than being in a flood of emotions. I fully understand that you don't need to receive this message, maybe you're already rolling your eyes. It's more for me that I'm doing this, it seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I'm not into blaming, victimizing, or reproaching, and I'm not taking all the blame on myself. I'll only speak about what belongs to me. I'm not angry, disappointed, and I have no negative feelings towards you. I know you're a good person with good intentions, and you never intended to hurt me in any way.
I accept your decision much more easily now that I've finally understood that having contact with me now does more harm than good. I've always wanted what's best for you and to make you feel special.
You know what I think of you, what I told you was never fake or to please you, it was simply the truth. For me, when I was with you, you were the most... things & things, and I had no interest in looking away. I never played games with you or tried to sell you dreams. I'm aware that it could have played against me, and I didn't care. But honestly, I never felt like you were taking advantage of that.
Not that I think you care about that, but I stopped talking to the guy I was chatting with at the Biodôme on the same day. If it helps some people, that's great, but for me, jumping into something else to feel better isn't healthy, I'd find it disrespectful, and it's just not me.
Sorry for losing sight of what was important and focusing too much on the past and things that didn't matter. Sorry for not being respectful and attentive towards the end, for making you feel like I didn't trust you/wanted to restrict you/didn't understand you bettedidn't assert my limits enough, and for not giving you the space you needed. I'm not perfect, I was just doing my best.
When I told you that we were better than that, well, I failed, and I let you down in a way, I acknowledge that, and I'm sorry. I messed up, and it's okay to make mistakes. You know, humans are sometimes poorly made, losing strength to realize things that were obvious.
I have work to do on myself in several aspects. I need to avoid creating scenarios, leave the past where it is, verbalize my needs and limits more clearly, in a better way and at the right time, learn to realize that what I have in front of me is true without suspicion, and learn to say: "This thing scares me, I don't know how to tame it, I don't know how it will affect us, let's talk about it."
I think just choosing better moments for certain discussions could potentially have changed the course of things. (We often had discussions about important things when we were drunk, it always turned out badly.)
I'm still the same guy I was a week ago, I haven't magically changed already, but what I can confidently tell you is that there has been an awakening, and I'm committed to evolving and being better.
I know that for you, us, it was a challenge and maybe sometimes destabilizing, it took you out of your comfort zone. I felt that you were doing your best, I never felt like you were forcing yourself, and for example, just holding my hand in public meant something significant to you. I could have taken that into consideration more and made sure you felt good and safe instead of adding pressure and frustration.
You and I are unique individuals, for whom it's not easy to build certain dynamics, we deserved to have what we had, but with the issues at the end, sometimes it wasn't easy.
I never wanted something conventional. For me, answering the question 'Are you a couple?' with 'No, it's just David & Mathieu' made me proud, and I liked it, for me, there was no need for further explanation.
I never asked or hoped for you to have the same requirements for yourself as I imposed on myself. I've always been very aware of your needs. The fact that it was important for me not to be touched by others, that belonged to me alone, I wish we could have navigated through that more healthily.
You often asked me what I expected from you, that it wasn't clear to you. I expected nothing more than what was ongoing. I was in this situation because I wanted to be, are you perfect as you are, I would say.... yes but no. But guess what, when I told you that you were perfect as you were, it was true, in the sense that even the things that weren't perfect made you a special thing for me. Don't try to understand, even I have difficulty understanding myself.
Trying out David & Mathieu wasn't a mistake for me, it was positive in many ways. And as I've already told you, what we had was enough for me, you were enough for me. The issues at the end for me were mostly predictable, all surmountable, and weighed less in the balance compared to the rest.
David & Mathieu was something peculiar, imperfect, and perfect at the same time. The fact that the best moments were mostly when we were alone together, that feeling that hand in hand it was us vs the rest, the feeling of pride and not wanting to be anywhere else and with anyone else at times.
I wish for us to find all of that again.
When you told me that you were lucky to have me, I was also lucky to have you, and I hope you know why.
Maybe one day, at the right time and if we both want it, we can see if it's possible to rebuild a friendly dynamic in which we both feel good. We've always managed to build better with the past. We make a good team when we're respectful and attentive.
I still wish to have you in my life, but if that's not possible, I'll respect that.
If someday we reconnect, I neither desire or need to revisit the issues we experienced. My mindset is to move towards something better and positive, not to fall back into negativity.
By the way, I have your grandfather's ring. I was wearing it when I got out of your car. If you want me to return your belongings quickly, let me know. Otherwise, don't worry, I'll take care of it.
I'll always be happy to hear from you, but I understand that you and I need space for now. Yes, even me.
This Saturday, Friday, or both nights, it's still to be determined, there's a possibility that I'll go out to the Eco with Emily. I'm not telling you to not go if that's what you had planned. But at the same time, I'd like us to respect what we need, but I don't want us to prevent each other from doing anything either.
If it happens soon that we come face to face, know that I'm no longer in the emotion, I'm good, I'll be friendly, and I'm ready to be flexible (leave) if necessary.
I don't plan to go to the Eco (a bar where we always went together, almost every weekend) often in the near future, this weekend is a bit special because Emily is staying in town exceptionally and plans to go out all weekend with friends from NY.
In conclusion, I would say once again that I respect your decision. It's unfortunate that we won't have the opportunity to continue having good times together. I've always had fun with you; it wasn't difficult.
Well, that's all. That's enough. That's already a lot.
Maybe one day I'll write a 10-minute song about an owl who always left 56,000 things at my place, who knows. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (he loves a Taylor S song that lasts 10 minutes about an ex of hers.)
Yes, I fully intend to make some cash off of you, no shame.
Bye for now