My name was slandered SO badly by the quinte.ca news that it is literally criminal and VERY VERY messed up.
According to this article I am a Sex Predator and was trying to lure a 13 year old for sex using the internet.(!!!!!)
This is a long story so I’m going to do my best at condensing it so people actually read it.
This is what happened: With a fair amount of spare time on my hands I decided to do something that would create a positive, long lasting impact. I knew there had to be some real sex predators in a city this size so I decided to see if any ADULTS online were interested and fully follow through with preying on a minor. Less than a few minutes after creating a profile I was contacted by a Belleville Resident who indicated DIRECTLY to me that he was “ok” with the decoys age.

I told him my age was TWELVE. 

Within the first 5 minutes of the conversation. So for the next five days he was essentially grooming who he believed was 12 year old and attempting to meet him that upcoming weekend. At no time did I initiate or direct the conversation to move in the dirty direction. I wanted to not only provide as much solid evidence as possible for the police, but I was thinking forward to do the same for the future prosecution when this case ultimately reached the Court….( at least In my mind, this is what I was doing it for! )
Speaking to him about 45 minutes each day I was shocked at how this was actually happening. Shocked at how quickly, unaffected and confident he was to be luring a 12 year old to his apartment.
Most disturbing was the bits of information that was confessed to me. How he “had to be really careful” because he is already a registered sex offender due to being caught with another minor years ago, and how he “had multiple other people your age” in the past which he had never been caught for.
So obviously by the time I was aware of that I was Deadset at not only catching and exposing this creep but see to it that he gets his rightful spot back in a prison cell.

Make no mistake I took screenshots of EVERY message/text/conversations/photos. 

( I had taken photos of myself and used an age altering app which was procured freely from Apple. ) Upon his request I sent multiple Altered selfies over those five days in the various poses he was asking for. Obviously this was done to prove that the decoy was in fact “real”. Bam. That’s it. It was Friday and this registered sex offender “PDF File” was in FULL BELIEF and confident that a Minor was on the way to his apartment to “teach him” how to have sex.
I went just outside the meeting area a bit early and sat down with my Sony 500 video camera around my neck and was prepared to begin the video, capturing him as he went directly to the prearranged location. He was going with the quickness and attempting to hold back the huge shit eating grin on his face. Disgusting. Vile. True evil.
So I walked up to him while recording and made a call from my cellphone to his which I used to instantly tell him off the bat: “YOU’RE FKD!” Also by doing this at that moment I was putting him in a position (ON CAMERA mind you) which he had zero opportunity to deny anything.

Over the next 20-30 minutes He confessed to everything that was said during the conversations. Instead of me questioning him, initially I had told him to tell me exactly why he was there, and for him to tell me (the camera) everything that was in those terrible and unbelievable messages. 

I grilled him like a ribeye.
After having gathered what I believed to be enough evidence and having him vocally express ( One more and last time) directly to the camera why he was there at that precise moment and what it was he had expected to go down that day in his apartment, I decided to end recording, and leave.
With my adrenaline pumping, I left. Forgetting to do what could’ve been the most important thing, not for exposing him or the Court, but for ME. . . Call the cops. I called them about 10 minutes into the walk back to my home. I told the Officer everything that had just happened. Including the prior five days leading up to this event. I was praised for doing what I had done by this Officer but was informed that the “Detective” responsible for this “crime category” was already off duty and wouldn’t be returning until Monday.
On Monday I received a phone call from that Officer and TRIED to explain everything. It was like I was speaking another language to him. He REPEATEDLY tried to change what I was telling him. For example; I explained how I was the decoy and that there did NOT EXIST AN ACTUAL MINOR involved here, and then he would say: “so you and this sex offender ‘hooked up’ and tried to get a ‘13’ year old over to HIS house” !!!!! It was if he was Trolling. He simply could not, or did not WANT TO understand what happened. “It’s like a STING OPERATION” I finally said to him. I told him this guys name and where he lived. I even knew his birthdate from the convos with the Decoy. So this “detective” in charge of investigating a very serious category of crime in this city KNEW that this predator is a Registered Sex Offender. He KNEW that I was in possession of a litany of irrefutable evidence. Yet was totally incompetent and put me down as Suspect #1 from the start. For not a single reason. He denied my requests to come down and SHOW HIM THE FRICKIN’ EVIDENCE. He did not even want to see the video confession!!! Nothing happened. He said it was now an “open case” and I had a case number. Deflated. Flabbergasted. I was [again] in shock. After weeks of waiting, I ended up putting the entire video of sicko confessing and me grilling him on YouTube. My genuine motive from the start was to make a positive impact on the community. To potentially stop a child from being victimized by a predator. I felt let down the police response. Little did I know what was to come SIX months later. The cops raided the house I was living in.
I was immediately handcuffed and told that I was arrested for “LURING A MINOR” !!!! I was literally paralyzed. With at LEAST HALF A DOZEN POLICE OFFICERS AND AN EQUALLY UNNECESSARILY LARGE AMOUNT OF SUVS PARKED ON THE DRIVEWAY, LAWN, AND ONE OF THE BUSIEST ROADS IN THE CITY. RED AND BLUES FLASHING ON ALL OF THEM. W h a t . T h e . F o c k ! ? ! They went up to my neatly organized room and searched it over discovering of course nothing but my phone. Snatching it with a joy like they had just successfully done something significant. I had 5-7 cops surrounding me in a semi circle after arriving at the Jail as I prepared to go inside a cell. They even shackled my feet. I know from watching cops and the like on YouTube to always exercise the right to remain silent. There was nothing I could do or say at that point which would help and I definitely didn’t resist the arrest so it really must’ve been a slow day. Eh guys? That and/or the overly incompetent rookie had relayed to his colleagues and obviously his Superiors to get the raid and arrest warrant his own personal story that he had recreated. Unfriggenbelieveable! It’s SO ABSURD THERE IS NO PROPER WORDS TO EXPRESS HOW IT FEELS TO GO THROUGH THIS! Doing something I considered not just “Right”, but Honourable, Justified, and definitely NOT illegal! How the hell did a JUDGE sign an arrest AND RAID Warrant on me with ZERO evidence, physical, concrete, or even circumstantial?? Not a single reason lawfully or otherwise for them to raid, arrest, shackle my feet and throw me in a jail cell for hours, and then criminally charge me with “Luring of a Minor”. Evidently, according to this news article the police had conducted a Six Month Investigation. Huh? Of What?! On Who?!
Now, Finally, The News Article: The information printed in any news article requires a source, so all of this information had to have only been provided by the police department. This article was printed at 9 in the morning the very next day of the arrest and raid. So of course this was all information provided from police.

This is what the dumbass, rookie, ignorant cop fabricated for no actual real reason: 

“Two men were arrested yesterday after a Six Month long Investigation revealed that the men had ‘BOTH’ believed that they were speaking with a ‘13’ year old boy online. Registered sex offender (the real predators name) and another known sex offender ( my name) are each charged with Luring of a Minor. (Real predators name again) is also charged with using an electronic device to lure a Minor, and breach of probation.”

My LandLord happened to be home at the time of the Raid, and he had also (I guess being suspicious after the raid,) read the article online which is quoted directly above. 

Which meant that he would be evicting me from the property, and I can’t blame him. With that article being read by my roommates and hisself I can’t really blame him for that either.
The charges against myself were eventually dropped, of course. About 18 months later! My phone being confiscated in the raid in order to access everything on there was also given back to me. They played immature and unprofessional games with that as well; returning my property. Such as : come in this day, your phone is ready to be released now. Show up. “Oh so and so thought it was ready but we don’t have it yet.” Weeks later. Get another call saying it is in fact ready now. Show up. “There is no one working in the evidence locker today, there will be in two days.” Screw them! I show up ten days late and what do you know? My property is actually there for me, and I finally get it back. Of course having had to purchase new phone in the meantime. Worse yet, I can’t recall the password and it was before facial recognition (not like that would matter) and after the fingerprint touch button. So it’s just a brick now.
That’s the least of my concern, as that bullshit article remains up, and the YouTube video had been taken down for some privacy violation nonsense.
After paying the criminal defence attorneys’ invoice(s), I couldn’t afford the 6K being asked by EVERY attorney I had reached out to.
So there, that’s one of many of my Unbelievably Insane Life’s stories. I suppose I didn’t provide the short version. Even though I have sincerely tried to keep it all to a minimum by leaving out plenty of details and significant events, this ended up being the Mid Length version.

I’m from Blackfoot , Idaho. I recently got fired! Due to being seem as a patient for I worked with my Primary MD i punched out before treatment. I was off for like 3 days cause they sent me home didn’t ask me one question but asked my coworkers. Point is they looked in my chart and violated HIPPA. the rules for this hospital is that no one not even yourself can view your chart. Beyond that I applied for unemployment and my former employer told them my diagnosis and what injection I received. I feel like they were way out of line. They tried well they insinuated that I had the injection and all of a sudden it appeared which in fact two people have to go get the morphine not myself and was basically accused they where pretty concerned saying things like we don’t need people like you here. People like me I have lupus and those who know know I am also autistic with adhd. I feel like the discrimination. I want to get advice and help of what can I do regarding this matter it’s been 2 months. It’s still fckng with me the lies the insinuation the wording that was used and the fact that a supervisor text me thinking she was texting another employee (it was my day off I was not in the office) she texted me instead of that employee Stella is getting suspended! I replied why am I getting suspended she was like oh your not your on vacation right. I totally feel like their are a lot of red flags 🚩 please help thank you

I’ve always understood the rulings around shifting phases to be that if an opponent skips to a certain phase, technically they have to give priority to me for each phase in between that they skipped over.
The example scenario: during a draft game, I have a [[Checkpoint Officer]] on my side of the battlefield and my opponent has a [[Grimdancer]] on their side of the battlefield. It is currently their turn and after playing out their main phase, they immediately declare attackers without saying they are first going to combat, choosing to attack with their Grimdancer. I tell them before that happens, when they shift to the beginning of combat, that I choose to tap the Grimdancer using my Officer (it was fairly obvious that this would be the target regardless of if they announced it or not since it was the only notable threat on the battlefield at the time). They seemed confused and said I can’t do that because they already declared attackers, and I responded by saying that they are technically going through the beginning of combat step and I gain priority before attackers are declared.
From their perspective, I waited until they declared attackers and tried to argue my way into disabling their attacker for the turn unfairly. From my perspective, they technically skipped over the beginning of combat, and it doesn’t matter that they tried to declare attacks immediately and make that information public, they still have to give me priority for the beginning of combat.
Who is correct in this scenario? And regardless, is this a valid way to ensure fairness for everyone involved or is it more of a scummy rules technicality thing that could be construed as annoying or some form of cheating?

Hallo, everyone. I’m having a crisis and am not sure where to turn to, so I am hoping to find some help or guidance from you all here.
I am an American Master’s student studying in Germany and I need to apply for the Basistarif, but I really have no idea how to go about getting it. I have read the Wiki here, the Basistarif Wiki, every article and blog I could find online about it, met with two insurance brokers, gone to TK for help, gone to the international students office at my university, and left messages and emails saying I want to apply for the Basistarif with multiple private health insurance companies.
For background information:
• I am in a dual degree program (a university in Germany and a university in Sweden) and studied in Germany for my first year. I then went to study in Sweden for my second year and moved back to begin and complete my thesis back here in Germany for my third year.
• Upon entry into Germany the first year of my program, my program advisor advised me to opt out of public health insurance and move into private health insurance as she said the coverage was better (she told me about a scary medical issue another student in my program had in the year prior that she framed as something that could have been cared for better with private health insurance) and the cost was lower with private health insurance. I trusted her and signed a document (which was submitted to TK) stating I will be exempted/released from public health insurance for the entire duration of my studies. Therefore, I cannot join public health insurance at any point during my studies now, even if I get a part time job paying me more than 538€ per month. This was not an issue during my first year as my advisor had a connection at an insurance company known for targeting foreigners and they gave me a private insurance plan.
• I moved to Sweden, my German health insurance was cancelled, and had health insurance/coverage there.
• Upon returning to Germany, I reapplied for private health insurance from the same company that I had a contract with previously. However, this time they rejected me due to pre-existing conditions. This was not done my first year so I’m assuming they have become more strict since then. I applied to multiple other private insurance companies and got rejected from all of them.
• I contacted 2 insurance brokers to ask for help in applying for plans of the standard tariffs with pre-existing conditions either being excluded from coverage or being charged a higher premium for them, in hopes of avoiding the Basistarif being my only option. However, the insurance brokers (who work with nearly all of the private insurance companies in Germany) sadly told me/confirmed for me that I am “uninsurable by every private insurance company in Germany”. Therefore, the Basistarif is the only option I have for health insurance while I am studying. I asked the brokers if they could help me begin this process and they said that their firms do not work with the Basistarif as it is not something that results in real benefits for them. They said that the application process will be long and hard with the private insurance companies fighting me along the way because no private insurance company wants any more people to enter into the Basistarif.
This is all very understandable to me, but I just don’t know where to turn to for help now then. Whenever I try to contact private health insurance companies to apply for Basistarif, I don’t get a response. I am so worried about not being to complete my studies here in Germany due to not having health insurance and feel I am running out of ideas of what I can do.
I have some questions (that I fully do not expect Redditors to be able to answer entirely, but thought I’d ask here anyways):
• Has anyone been through the process of applying for and obtaining the Basistarif and can share their experience/advice? Or does anyone know the steps/ways for securing Basistarif from a private insurance company? (I already have the official rejection documents from both public health insurance and private health insurance, which I learned is the first step.)
• Is expat health insurance acceptable for a second study residence permit (for example, expat health insurance from Feather, Ottonova, or Mawista)? I have read that expat health insurance is acceptable for first time residence permit applications, but not for extensions/renewal or second residence permit applications (as expat health insurance is meant for temporary stays or until you can get into public/private health insurance after entering Germany and beginning studies, and an extension or renewal of residence permit would indicate a longer stay). However, if I only have expat health insurance while I am trying to get into the Basistarif, will this be accepted by the immigration authorities for my study residence permit application? I have not been in Germany for 5 years or more yet.
• Is it legally possible to work a minijob with expat health insurance while I am trying to get into the Basistarif?
• Do you have suggestions on who/where I can go to for further help? Should I look for pro bono immigration lawyer? I will visit Caritas in my city soon.
I understand that I made a mistake signing to contract to be released from public health insurance my first year and I wish I hadn’t trusted my advisor in that. I want to study and work a part time job here and contribute to German society so much. What can I do now?
Thank you in advance for reading any of this.

Social Media and smartphones are warping how we see the real world and our reality is losing nuance rapidly.
Take the man or bear debate as a recent example. The whole premise is unhelpful and based on a glaring falsehood. It's like a 13-year-old's first essay on a topic they know next to nothing about. I'm pretty sure actual survivors of sexual abuse don't give a single damn about this "dilemma". They have real issues to deal with that those of us who are engaging in this discourse have the privilege of not having to deal with. All this fad is doing is spread the paranoid notion that there are male predators waiting around every other corner. How is that helping survivors of abuse with real trauma and fears that they carry with them in public places on a daily basis? It is absolutely not a show of solidarity to those who have actually suffered, yet people do genuinely believe they are "raising awareness", or "taking a stand".
I mean it's a far-less improbable yet ironic scenario to imagine someone walking the dim city streets at night alone with their necks bent square over their smartphones, going round corners oblivious to their surroundings while texting "I'll take the bear lol". Those same people will say they're afraid to walk alone at night and they yeard for the bear. I made that scenario up, but I've literally seen people bumping into walls and into other people in a smart phone-induced trance and just continuing like nothing happened and I've also seen people gleefully (not ruefully) opt for "the bear". What I mean is a lot of people are claiming to be terrified when they're not.
Like with the Tik-tok trend that's been dangerously telling people they have "high-functioning anxiety" without professional diagnoses, where if everyone is mentally ill then no one is mentally ill¹, it also stands to reason that if everyone is afraid, then no one is afraid. It's a dangerous way of "showing solidarity" to let pervade through society. I'm no Jordan Peterson fan, but this is a good example of the dangers of fake solidarity*. It's not just fake; it's damaging.
The whole bear vs man thing just seems to polarise people into two camps who perceive the other either as man-haters or rape-apologists. But you know what? it's not even close to being real and does absolutely nothing to bring people of differing views any closer to understanding each other. I also 100% guarantee you that those who "choose the bear" don't actually practise what they preach in their lives to even the slightest degree. One example I witnessed was at a recent social occasion where a female high school teacher whom I know quite well told her boyfriend and father to ask her if she was alone in the woods, what she would prefer... Before she even said the words "bear", or "man", I knew where where we were heading and intuitively knew what her answer was going to be.
It wasn't a debate from the very beginning. It was more like a joke - a weird joke about sexual assault told in the first person. Before she'd even got to her supposedly mind-blowing punchline (which was, in case you're a bit late to this party, "I'd choose the bear because the bear won't rape me!"), everyone seemed to know what it was going to be. Given the expectant grin on her face when she said these impactful words, It didn't turn out to be the “gotcha” she thought it was going to be. This was quite an awkward experience. I can only guess that the "gotcha" aimed at the men in the room was supposed to educate them to be ashamed to be male on the spot. It didn’t. I explained why I thought the whole thing was flawed and I was informed I needed to lighten up. I was definitely mistaken in thinking that it was a chance to talk philosophy (is it ever these days?), but perpetuating the idea that "male rapists are everywhere" while simultaneously trivialising real suffering of abuse goes completely unchecked because when we engage in this form of discourse we reduce ourselves to vacuous, infantile creatures who ironically think they're acting like fully-developed adults. Rape is light-hearted; yet - and this is where the cognitive disonance gets really odd - you're either standing up for it or you're standing up against it, but no matter what side you're on, it's funny. Instead of thinking, "why is she grinning?!", we're thinking, "what side am I on and how can I also somehow make it funny?". When in reality, it's surface-level shock-value statements with zero nuance that we allow to insincerely represent us (the wide-grinning rape denouncer doesn't practise what she preaches: she isn't a raging man-hater; she's a decent person, but for some reason, she's adopted an inane comic-strip view on something as serious as rape - and incredibly, it's all in the defence of victims!).
And this way of engaging in discourse is everywhere. On Reddit, Facebook, Twitter etc., the finger-pointing and artificial coralling of all of us into fake dualities of misogynist vs virgin-for-life simp, misandrist vs patriachy-enabler, racist vs communist and many others are rife and it's finding its way into real-life discourse at the dinner table, the classroom and the office.
If we artificially and insincerely self-separate into these 1s and 0s, are we making it easier for the A.I. on our devices to "understand" us, classify us, manipulate us and ultimately annihilate us?
OK, maybe I went too far there, but is this jarring lack of nuance really the only way we want to "talk about" serious topics now? Is it only going to get worse? I feel like it wasn't long ago you could have real discussions about issues, but this art is dying - and rapidly. You can probably sense my frustration at how society is organising itself right now and I'd love to know if anyone has any suggestions on what we can do to encourage healthy conversations and debate with each other. Maybe I'm the problem. I used to be surrounded by people who took part in stimulating, nuanced debate and now I'm not. We used to tolerate different viewpoints and we didn't confront and "block" each other on a hair-trigger. Maybe I'm old and the kids are actually all right. Let me know.
¹ ~https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5MCw8446gs&ab_channel=TheNewYorkTimes~
*I couldn't find a good quote for this, but similarly, he terms it "narcissistic compassion"

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/WholePomegranate5342
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
My Parents Tried to Screw Over My Dying StepMother, Blew Up All Of Our Lives Instead
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, imminent death, terminal illness, financial exploitation, physical assault, emotional abuse and manipulation
Original Post: February 13, 2024
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
My (17F) stepmother "Jane" is a wonderful, wonderful woman. She and my father got married when I was 4, and she's been a rock in my life ever since. My mother was always my primary caregiver, but up until that point her relationship with my father was acrimonious and I basically never saw him. Jane was the reason they developed a stable co-parenting relationship, she encouraged everyone having a good relationship with each other and was always there to support me and my mom when things got rough.
Jane was always a really hard worker. When she met my dad, he was living out of a hotel and my mother was doing everything in her power to keep me away from him because she was petty and angry that their relationship didn't work out. Meanwhile Jane had a great job, a nice house, helped my dad get back on his feet, negotiated a visitation schedule with my mom (who hated her for a long time), and made sure my dad sent us money every week because neither one of them could afford an attorney to negotiate child support payments. Jane had no reason to do any of these things but as I got older she made it clear that she loved me as much as she loved my (half) brothers who were born a few years later. I even have my own room in her house because at the time we lived with my grandparents / various boyfriends of my mom and Jane felt that I needed a more stable environment than that. She's like the opposite of the evil stepmom.
When I was 15, Jane won a big lawsuit against an airline company and got awarded upwards of a million dollars. She used the money to build sizable trust funds for me and my brothers so that we would be taken care of later in life. Despite having a lot more money she still wanted to live a fairly modest life, so she paid off the house she has and has been living there ever since with my dad. Sure she bought a new car and they went on a few nice vacations but she didn't blow all her money on stupid things, which I respected.
About a year ago, things started getting really weird. Whenever I saw Jane she seemed to look sicker and sicker, but no one would tell me or my brothers why even though I know they knew. All we knew is that she was at the hospital a lot. Around the same time, my mom has been coming around my dad a lot more and acting really strange, basically like she was trying to romance him. Whenever Jane was in the hospital my mother would insist on spending the night at their house and playing mom to my brothers, which was so weird to me because she never liked them or Jane. She'd be the perfect little housewife and my mom is NOT like that at all. It was super fake.
Worst of all, my dad started falling for it. I'm not stupid - I'm pretty sure they were sleeping together. I tried to shield my brothers from it but they're not dumb either. I tried talking to my dad too but he insisted it wasn't like that.
Then a few weeks ago, my mom started talking about all the places she'd like to visit, how she wanted a new car and was looking to invest... which is weird because my mom has been a bartender her whole life and has lived paycheck to paycheck since before I was born. She was acting like she was about to get a lot of money, which started to make me really suspicious. Between Jane being sick and my mom acting all nouveau riche, I had a lot of questions.
Finally I decided to visit Jane in the hospital and ask her about my trust fund. I found out that if anything happened to her, that my dad would inherit all the money including full control of the trusts for me and my brothers. She asked me why I was so interested in the trust fund so I told her what's going on with my parents and how my mom has been acting with my dad. I didn't want to but after everything she did for me, she deserved the truth. It really hurt me to break her heart like that, especially once I found out that she was basically in hospice at this point because of irreversible kidney failure. She's only got a few more months. We both cried so much.
Then, two days ago everything came to a head. My mom stormed in furious and started arguing with my dad. Apparently Jane met with her lawyer and changed the trust so that my dad would get nothing and all of the trusts would be controlled by my step-aunt. She demanded to know how Jane found out about their relationship and I came out and told them that I told Jane everything. I told them that if they wanted to play stupid games they would win stupid prizes and that I wasn't going to let them screw Jane over after all the help she gave my family when she didn't have to.
My mom slapped me and my dad just looked so defeated. Then my mom told my dad that she didn't really love him, that she was just pretending to so he would marry her and she could get all of the money. The worst part about it is that my brothers witnessed the whole thing and now on top of their mom dying they have to deal with a cheating dad and his vindictive ex. Our whole family is in ruins and I feel like it's my fault even though I know it's not.
Yesterday I visited Jane again and told her about the fallout. She apologized and said that she had to dissolve my trust fund to make sure my mother didn't get a hold of the money, but that as "her oldest" I will inherit the house/property after she is gone and that's worth more than the other two trust funds combined. My father won't get anything because she's going to divorce him before she dies, and honestly I'm happy for her. She made me promise to take care of my brothers and told me that once I turn 18 this summer I can kick my dad out of the house if I want to. And I FULLY plan to do that btw.
I haven't talked to my dad since and I can't even look at my mom. I can't believe they would conspire to do this to Jane after all this time. Just proof that they deserve each other and I'm embarrassed that they're my parents. Once I turn 18 I'm going to cut my dad out as much as I can and cut my mom out completely. I hope she rots. Meanwhile I'm going to try and be at the hospital as much as I can until Jane passes away.
Anyways. I just needed to vent. I'm really messed up about the whole thing and I feel super betrayed, although I can't even begin to imagine how Jane feels. I'm gonna be so f-ed up when she dies. I can't even think about that right now. But at least she's not surrounded by people who just want to bring her down.
Thanks for reading.
Edit: Some people are asking a lot of the same stuff so I'll just clarify here --
My brothers - My plan is to use some of the estate money fight for guardianship for my twin brothers so that they can live in the house while I kick my dad out. If I can't get guardianship then I will have to let my dad stay in the house. However once I turn 18 I will technically be an adult so even if my dad leaves I'm still legally able to be responsible for them. The only thing I won't be able to do is stop him from taking them if he leaves. But they will be 18 in six years so even if they do have to leave they will always be able to come back whenever they want. In a perfect world my dad would just leave and let my brothers stay with me which I'm sure my bio-mom would be very supportive of because right now she hates all of us and I doubt that will change anytime soon.
The trust - from what I understand, my brothers will inherit 1/3 each of the estate and the remaining 1/3 will be used to keep the house running until they turn 18. After that it will be up to me if I want to keep the house or sell it. At that point my brothers will still have money left in the trust so they can branch out or do whatever they want, otherwise I will not sell the house and just pass it on to them or keep it and maintain it myself and they can just stay with me as long as they need to.
(Edit to the edit) So I just spoke to Jane and she told me that the reason she dissolved the trust is because originally it was going to be split 3x between us kids and my dad would inherit the house. She dissolved my 3rd and switched it over to make it to take care of the house maintenance, and instead put the house in my name so my dad wouldn't get it. Plus by doing that at least financially I would be getting a much bigger share (the house is worth about 1.5x the amount of my brothers trusts) I just wouldn't be able to do anything with it until my brothers are 18, which I'm totally cool with. Sorry if I don't have a better answer but I'm just trying to translate what she told me.
My parents - The big fight happened on Sunday and I haven't spoken to either of my parents since, I think they're both at my mom's place right now but that's fine with us because we're all still mad at them so they can stay gone for all we care. I know technically that's not legal to just leave us alone but I've been taking care of my brothers for over a year I can handle a few days while he gets his shit together. Screw both of them.
Hope that clears some stuff up.
TLDR; My bio parents tried to screw my terminally ill stepmother out of trust fund money, but she caught on and now no one on my side of the family gets anything.
Additional Information from OOP on her parents, stepmom’s health, trust funds

OOP: (Why isn't Jane on dialysis) - I don't remember the exact details but Jane has a genetic condition where she gets cysts on her kidney. She already had a transplant a few years ago but now she developed problems with her arteries or something in her legs so she doesn't qualify for dialysis. She could get another transplant but she doesn't want to because the last time was so traumatic (rejections, etc). So she decided to just let herself go onto maintenance medications to prolong her death until she gets her affairs in order. She has a few other health problems that make the typical treatments really dangerous and according to her she'd rather die surrounded by loved ones than on an operating table.
(Dissolving the trust fund) - Jane told me she didn't technically have to do it, but she didn't trust my bio parents not to do something shady and get a hold of the money before I turn 18. Even if my aunt controlled the fund my dad would still be able to collect if something happened to Jane before I turn 18. Her lawyer suggested it's better safe than sorry and I agreed that it was the best option. I'm not an expert tho I don't know the details.
(How my mom knew) - Like I said before I'm pretty sure Jane told my dad, who then told my mom and that's how the argument started. I can't think of any other way and I didn't really care enough to ask.
(Jane's thoughts on my mom) - she didn't know my mom was doing all of that. My mom has her own place and would only come over whenever Jane was in the hospital for a few days at a time. I've been living with my dad for a little over a year so he probably told Jane that my mom was there to spend time with me, if he told her at all. Besides she didn't "move in" until a few months ago, which I guess is when they started hatching their plan. Jane never outright banned my mom from visiting so there really wasn't anything she could do.
Hope that helps.
Edit for the last part: The remainder of the money belonging to the estate that hasn't been put into trusts for my brothers is going to be used to maintain the house (utilities, taxes, etc) until my brothers are 18 and then I can either choose to sell the house or keep it and maintain it myself if I'm able to. I plan to go to school in that time and get a better job with the goal of keeping the house, but if I can't then I have the option to sell it. Not that I will but that's how it was explained to me.

OOP on her stepmom and their relationship, provides thoughts on her bio mom

OOP: Honestly it's because she's more of a "real" mom than my actual mom.
My bio mom is kind of ambiguous about my existence but Jane was always extra involved, sending me to sports teams and paying for dance classes and just showing interest in my hobbies as I got older. Plus as the only girl I think we bonded on a level she can't with my brothers so she always made sure to let me know I was on equal terms with them. When I was younger we would watch movies and have girl time where it was just us 1:1 and those are some of my best memories with her.
Jane is also really mature and someone I wanna be like when I get older whereas it feels like my mom is a teenager in an adult's body. She was constantly picking fights with my dad about dumb things and Jane was always there to smooth things over and keep my best interest at heart over her own feelings. I know my mom made Jane's life really difficult for a long time but Jane never complained or said anything to me about it whereas my mom CONSTANTLY complained about Jane. As I got older I just always felt more at peace when I was around Jane than when I was around my mom.
If you want your step kids to love you just be there for them and treat them like your own. Ignore whatever drama you have with your husbands ex and just love your kids. Trust me if you really care about them they will know.

Relevant Comments
mattdvs1979: My only advice is make sure you work with a lawyer once she passes so you get your inheritance and your parents can’t try to intervene, and then you keep your promise to use that money for you and your brothers’ welfare.

OOP: Oh absolutely, Jane already gave me the lawyer's info and between him and my step-aunt I'm sure I will be able to do what I need to do for them. I don't even care about the money, most people don't have trust funds and turn out just fine. I'm actually more glad that she gave me the house because you can be damn sure it's going to be a safe space for my brothers whether I end up getting custody of them or not. My brothers are basically Jane's legacy so my goal is to give them the life and guidance that I got from her, and that they won't get because she'll be gone.

OOP on the relationship between her father and her stepmom before they got exposed

OOP: Honestly it hurts a lot because before Jane got sick they seemed to have the perfect relationship. Until my birthgiver (I like that) came in and fucked everything up with her toxic personality. Honestly in a perfect world my mom will end up broke and alone and in a shitty nursing home with bed sores. And when she calls me and begs me for a relationship (because she needs the attention) it'll feel so good to hang up on her over and over again.

OOP on Jane (stepmom)’s health and if Jane is mentally okay on the whole situation

OOP: I think so. Apparently it's a genetic disease so she always knew she was going to get sick she just didn't know when so mentally I think she was prepared for it. I just hope that she can find peace knowing the truth and knowing that I'll be there to make sure her sons don't grow up all fucked up.

OOP on her brothers getting therapy to deal with their mom/step-mom’s health and her imminent death

OOP: Yeah. I've already sat them down and talked to them about what's going on, they seem to understand but they're understandably really sad about the whole thing. I told them that when they go to school they should ask about a grief counselor and I'm trying to get their health insurance info from Jane so I can find them a therapist for kids. As much as all of this sucks I think it's brought the three of us a lot closer together.
Thanks a lot. I really love my brothers and I know it's my job to take care of them properly now that they won't have a mom around. Jane did so much to raise me and my brothers won't have the opportunity so it's only right that I help them.
Since finding all of this out my plan has always been to have my brothers live with me, I'm already in charge of taking care of them and the house for the most part the only thing my dad does is help pay the bills. Unfortunately I won't be able to kick my dad out as long as he's their legal guardian which is why I'm trying to find some other solution to that. But if/when that gets resolved he can live under a bridge for all I care.

 
Update: May 8, 2024 (3 months later)
Please check my profile for my previous post. :)
Hi guys it’s me again, a lot of you asked me for an update on my situation with Jane and my family so I’ve come back with a few things that have happened since I initially posted. I will try to organize this in a way that addresses the major points of last time.
Jane is still alive and doing surprisingly well considering the circumstances. She’s always been a fighter and although her disease has been progressing she’s keeping a positive attitude with everything that is going on. She says she’s grateful that she was able to see everyone’s true colors before she passed so she could go into the next life knowing the truth. We have become so unbelievably close in the past few months and it’s getting harder and harder to know that she’s getting close to the end. She doesn’t ever talk about it though and I know it’s because she doesn’t want to hurt me but we both know the situation so we’re just making the best of our time. I'm also not being completely transparent about all of the drama at home but tbh I don't think she needs to hear all of that.
We did end up having that surprise celebration of life that I planned, a lot more people showed up than I thought but they all got an airbnb near the hospital where Jane is and we were able to take her out and spend some time at the lake near the facility. It was super lowkey which I know Jane preferred and I was even able to get her old college friend to come after I found him on Linkedin lol. We had food and there was music and we played games and it was overall a really great time, except Jane started crying at the end but she promised me it was just because she was grateful.
My brothers are also doing okay, my aunt (Jane's sister) is currently paying for them to go to therapy and they've become a lot more open about talking about the situation. They just turned 13 but a lot of the time it feels like I'm talking to actual adults lol. They've become really independent lately (in a good way) and aside from me driving them places I don't really have to do much for them anymore. Their grades aren't super great but they're not failing and considering the circumstances it could be a lot worse. They still hang out with friends and I'm keeping an eye out for like depression symptoms and stuff.
The situation with my mom is as funny as it is embarrassing tbh. She spent a few weeks ignoring us and then she tried to crawl back into my life basically begging me to let her move in because her lease is about to expire and she has nowhere to go. That convo went about as well as you'd think and she ended up calling me an ungrateful b**** and that I couldn't just ignore her because she's my mom. I told her to get out of the house before I call the cops and to go back to my dad (who at that point was only coming home every few days to "check on us" and grab some clothes.)
After that she tried coming by a few times and when I wouldn't open the door she would lose her mind and start yelling through the neighborhood. After three instances of this I finally called the cops but because I'm 17 they told me there's a possibility that I would have to go home with her since technically I'm a minor and need to be with the custodial parent. I told them no way because I was the only one watching my brothers atm. That led to a whole thing where after a few hours my dad basically showed up and I was allowed to stay there because there was finally an adult present and I'd basically lived there for over a year.
After that the cops firmly told my mom that if she keeps showing up and causing drama (my neighbors confirmed that she'd been there a few times screaming) that they would arrest her for trespassing since technically it was Jane's house and not hers. She left and hasn't tried coming to the house anymore but for a while she would call me constantly telling me I owed her and all kinds of stuff. She's now blocked on everything and anything she needs to say to me gets filtered through my dad.
As for my dad... well, since he's basically required to be here for another 2 months until I turn 18 we've basically just avoided each other. It's not too bad though because I've been heavily relying on guilting him for everything to get my way. For example he was going to contest the divorce but I threatened to kick him out when I turn 18 if he does that so he just signed all the paperwork for a "quickie divorce" and is basically doing whatever Jane tells him to do. I don't openly disrespect him or anything (he's still my dad) but I've made it clear that I have no intentions on doing anything he says ever again and he doesn't fight me on it. Most of the time he's just in his room and sometimes he'll go back to my mom's but only for a day or two before they argue and she kicks him out again lol. I haven't decided whether or not I'll kick him out yet and we haven't talked about it either so I'm kind of playing it by ear.
As for me, I'm handling everything as good as I can. I found a new job where I make a little more money so I've been focusing on saving as much as I can and just being there for my brothers. Between working and school and visiting Jane I've been so busy I haven't really had time to really stop and think about everything, but I know it'll come. One of my friends has really stepped up and helped me manage everything and I'm super grateful to him for being there for me and my brothers so we'll see how that goes.
Anyways I wish I had something more exciting to share but that's what's happened since my last post :) Thanks again for all the support on my last post.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the possibility of her stepmom being poisoned from her parents to get Jane’s money

OOP: Hi there,
A few people have mentioned this and yes we are absolutely certain she is not being poisoned, it’s a genetic disease causing her kidney failure and we have known about it for a long time but she shielded us from the worst of it hence why her “sudden” decline in health was such a shock to us, we thought she had more time.
My brothers have also been screened for this disease and thankfully neither of them have it.
Edit to add: I’m turning 18 in a few weeks so I don’t need to get emancipated and my dad has already agreed that my brothers will stay in the house with me because they have nowhere else to go.

OOP on Jane making video clips for her brothers

OOP: Yes actually a few people suggested this on my last post and we have been doing this for a few weeks now. Jane has a little digital recorder that she’s been putting her thoughts down on and she’s also written a few letters to us for major milestones. My brothers do not know about this as we want to surprise them but that said they have been coming to the hospital more now that they’re in therapy and able to deal with it. I know they do not want to have any regrets even though it’s a difficult situation.

OOP on her father after being exposed and her bio mom trying to manipulate him

OOP: I do think he’s remorseful, he hasn’t said it but the way he’s acting is telling me that, he’s being really passive when normally he gets a little belligerent if he really feels like he didn’t do anything wrong. Also I know I have every reason to kick him out but he’s still my dad even tho what he did to Jane was terrible. He’s just kind of a weak minded person and my bio mom really manipulated the crap out of him and continues to manipulate him but I can tell he’s getting tired of her BS because he’s spending less time with her.
He didn’t know she was showing up at the house and when he found out he was super pissed at her, they’ve been fighting nonstop and I can tell he’s not as much under her spell anymore because he’s at home more but who knows.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

The rift between them has caused a lot of tension in my family and now my mom wants to be in the life of her newborn grandson but refuses to address or try to mend things with my wife.
Little history: I probably introduced them too quickly. My grandmother was in town in south Florida about to move here from Illinois for a retirement community. My wife, girlfriend at the time, came with cookies or some form of baked goods like she usually does when visiting someone as a sign of affection and respect. Where it went wrong from here I have no idea. I suppose the initial crack was when wife scheduled a skitrip for her and I to have as a 1 year of dating anniversary present. We are not rich, this is a huge gift that made sense to her since I refused to let her pay rent. Our combines salaries are barely over 120k. So wife calls mom 6 months in advance because she is a planner for the sole purpose of asking my mom to watch one of our four dogs. Wife has already paid in full for the trip. Yet Mom decides it is a great idea to instead use the opportunity to hop on and take a family trip because it is the last time the family will have for a family vacation - I am the oldest of two boys and two stepsisters, my mom married the guy she left my father for who has twin girls of his own that were in the womb during the infidelity. Anyway mom completely takes over and decides to make our one year gift a family vacation, so she books tickets for a hotel nearby. Wife is bold but at the time not bold enough to stop my mom in her tracks for overstepping a boundary. At this time she still respected my mother and kind of let herself get steamrolled.
Probably skippable Family history: Now I have always had issues with my mother, resentment for leaving my father for my stepdad behind my own fathers back and constantly trying to keep brother and I from seeing “Disneyland dad who doesn’t do any of the work but gets all the fun.” my mother was very strict growing up, always bringing us to church and making my father feel guilty for not bringing brother and I on his weekend. So mom marries stepdad age 11, divorces him around 13 after asking me advice for her relationship and i encourage her to move out. Then remarries him and moves us back into his house age 15. Here I begin rebellion and normal teeenager stuff but stepdad won’t butt in because he isn’t my “biological father” so would have my mom intervene brother and i from behind the scenes. For example, I am young and messing around on the piano because music is important and I never had any formal training and mom comes in to tell me stepdad “wants to know when the concert is going to end because it is a little annoying.” Anyway, they have me prescribed adderall at 16 and in the parking lot holding my first prescription I am told that they would like me to move out and in with my father, who had chased us every time mom and stepdad moved several miles away (5 moves from age 5-15 all in one county). Anyway, brother and I are recovering alcoholics with (my) slipups triggered from interactions or visiting my mom, which mom claims is genetics from my father alone and has nothing to do with her. Maternal grandfather, mother, and I have some nasty temper problems which certainly are exacerbated by drinking (at least mine and moms).
Skitrip revelations: Wife and I are on the way to brothers graduation in Chicago, and wife has yet to reveal to me that my mother has taken over her massive investment of a couples ski vacation and it will now be a family vacation for mom, stepdad, brother, two stepsisters who are all getting out of gradschool. On the way to the airport I am told the news by future wife of my one year surprise. So I get upset and call my mom to call it off. She obliges my request and now holds resentment against me and now wife for “ruining her last family vacation.” Fine, whatever. Mother never says a word about it for months until we are out for a distant family members birthday dinner and at a table of about 8-10 people that are having a group conversation and gets real close to my wife’s ear and tells her privately along the lines of “you deprived our family of our last family vacation.” During this time my wife is frantically tapping my leg under the table because my mom can get a little aggressive. My mom saw this and later (privately to me) mocked her for doing it to my leg under the table.
Christmas blessings: Closer to Christmas maybe 2/3 weeks later we went to go see my mom and my mom had a couple drinks in her (not an alcoholic like brother and I just very sensitive to a couple glasses of wine and occasionally some hidden sips of wine or something) and invites my wife to Christmas church and out to dinner after because the family needs photos for a Christmas card and future wife “will be the photographer for it.” Now this can easily be a nothing comment but given the way my mom had been making future wife feel, it was taken as an insult. So wife declined church and showed up to family dinner just in time for photography session to be over.
The distance: Then mom moves to a fancy house up the coast and invites us up to visit. At first it is ok to bring the 4 dogs then the day before she says they will not have dogs at the house and we can easily find a sitter. 2 Dogs don’t get along, they need to be separated always as there has been two attacks on one from the other, so we can’t trust someone to come to the house and keep them separate and we won’t board 4 dogs it’s too expensive for us. Anyway we go back and forth being invited with the dogs then they retract the offer and say pick one dog to bring and leave the others and it’s just annoying, so we say forget it and don’t go. But my brother becomes engaged and decides to throw his engagement party at my mom’s new place near the beach. Great. First all the dogs are welcome, then day before they say it is too chaotic and she will pay for a small hotel room for one night for future wife and her dogs and my one (the attack dog) can stay in a crate at the house with me but I may not leave the dog to stay with her. And no reasonable cheap hotel in the area is going to accommodate 4 dogs. Anyway wife is stressed but feels obligated to come because I am the best man and I stay at the house while she checks her dogs into the hotel. Wife had made a cheesecake and brought it up in a separate car from me, 4 hour drive by the way, and night of.. my mom says no desserts for engagement party dinner, the dessert is themed or some crazy stuff. Wife shows up to dinner a little later and very flustered because of the situation plus I had relapsed on a bottle of whiskey a couple days prior to seeing my mom. Related, I don’t know. Anyway. Mom has had a couple drinks and future wife and I are talking about having children and religion comes up. Mom asks what we were thinking of doing about baptism or not and I jokingly said (guiltily to get on my moms nerves a bit) that he would have a bris and would love it if she would come to the bar mitzvah. now my wife’s mom was forced to convert from Catholicism to Judaism for her own mother in laws acceptance for a failed marriage so wife is not religious, but it hurt my wife and reasonably so when my mom replied “oh, son, I raised you better than that.” Still no acknowlegement of fault from that comment and mom thinks wife is “overly sensitive, dramatic, and childish” for wanting an apology for it.
Weddings: Future wife becomes current wife. We had gotten engaged on our next anniversary trip she planned for us. I proposed on our bike and barge through tulip season in holland with our feet in the water of the North Sea after a picnic in the dunes. her family business manufactures photo albums for professional photographers, so aside from our families all being divorced, estranged, difficult, and us trying to save money, we did not have a wedding, we just did the paperwork within a month of the proposal. I had already decided to have a baby with her before the trip so we were trying. 2 weeks before brothers wedding in Tennessee we become pregnant, so we break news immediately as to not steal limelight from brothers expensive wedding. Mom says she will cover cost of rental car so we can save money. Ok great. She books the tiny car and we pack it and head up the Smokey mountains to the cabins we are staying at. Two cabins for grooms family, one for his mother and one for his father, ten paces from each other: they havnt spoken but twice im since divorce in 1995 but through lawyers. Grandmother, mother, stepdad, 2 stepsisters and one boyfriend stayed in mom’s side. Wife and I stay at father’s side cabin with just his wife. His Wife’s 3 daughters and family’s stayed a town away down the mountain among extended family. Anyway, beautiful wedding takes place. My wife is sent into town to collect flowers and run errands for my mom which she happily obliged to since she is a solitary person and did not want wedding day drama. Day after, we are loading our rental sedan with our bags. Mom and grandma need a ride to the airport and our flight is before theirs so they will drop off the car for us 4 hours or so after we go to the airport 5 hours from current time. We’re loading the car. Stepcousin passed out in mother’s cabin night before and needed a ride. Disorganized brunch for 20 people is trying to be made. Father’s wife’s daughter books a reservation for 10 people which include her family, her sisters, me, my wife, dad, and their mom. My stepdad had left for home at this point as he had taken his own suv instead of flying with my mom and 90 year old grandma. So mom is trying to pack grandma in the car with bags and my wife and stepcousin. At this point mother asks stepmother if she and grandma are on reservation for the brunch. Stepmom says no they are not, she wasn’t sure of their plans. Mom says under her breath “fucking assholes, so typical,” and she goes into a bit of a rage to which my stepmom says here “it’s ok I will call and add you two it’s no big deal.” So we continue packing the car and realize we won’t all fit. So my wife tells my stepcousin to go ride with my father to the restaurant 10 minutes away we will meet you there. Mom says to wife, “no you go with the father.” Wife says “no I am going to ride with my husband” mom gets close to her face with her finger and says “this is my car, you can fucking Uber!” Wife is 6 weeks pregnant at this point and it all escalated from here. wife and mother start yelling at each other swearing at each other and we get into the car, mom behind wife who was in shotgun. 2 occasions on the trip I had to stop the car because mom had taken off her seatbelt to stand over the seat and scream in my wife’s face with so much vigor that spit came on to her face multiple times. I’m trying to tell them both to behave and mom sit down shut the f up. Mom is telling wife to get the f out of the car and find a ride, she has no right to speak because she’s “new here” (dating and living together for 3 years at this point). The following brunch she apologized in a crowd with a hushed voice at a table of 20 people trying to have a group conversation again privately to my wife “I’m sorry you get so upset” and my wife told her “that is not an apology.” The following several hours in the car with grandma and stepcousin and wife were some of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. At a gas station I pulled my mom aside and said I need ther to give a huge apology, that it was so nasty and inappropriate, my brother and I are used to abusive language and aggressive behavior but to my pregnant wife and any other human being it is disgusting and unacceptable. Sitting in the car was quiet for many hours until we got to the airport. No speaking about what happened just mom happy go lucky about Tennessee and Dollywood and wife and I in shock, cousin still half in the bag from a fun wedding, grandma 90 years old probably confused about what happened.
The family groupchat: Im waiting on an apology from my mother to my wife who is extremely hurt and expressed to my mom loads of time she needs to reach out and apologize. We’re not talking until she will do so. It is bugging me and keeping me up at night. My appendix flares up and I am admitted to the hospital with emergency appendectomy. Still pregnant Wife suggests I reach out to mom to let her know what’s going on. So I text mom I’m at the hospital and will have surgery. I send a pic or something that on my end says hasn’t gone through. Mom group texts our family group with stepdad, his daughters, brother and his wife, and grandma that I am in the hospital and attaches the pic I sent of me in there. Then she continues to rave about the success of her startup company and how they got FDA approved clinical trials finally completed or some pivotal moment that made the text about her. Wife and I are in a hospital so the picture comes up on moms end as unable to have been sent. Mom assumes that my wife has blocked her phone, so mom removes my wife from the chat. Wife is rushing home to take care of the dogs at this point and is not alerted on her phone, but on everyone else’s phone it clearly reads “(mom) has removed (wife) from the chat.” Immediately I text my mom and basically say how dare you do that to her she is the one who insisted I let you know out of respect and mom responds with blah blah she did this she did that I will not have it. So I go back to the family chat and remove mother. At this point I let everyone in the chat know what my mother has done and how she refuses to take responsibility for how she made my wife feel, address her feelings, apologize or do anything at all to reach out about the wedding incident or even inquire about the wellbeing of the pregnancy for her first grandchild. Stepdad finally steps in and tells me “enough.” Grandma says “shame on you.” I am dumbfounded. This is a hush hush family that hates to have anything out in the open and likes to maintain a picture perfect image. For examples; 1) I and wife were on the family Christmas card of a photo taken at the wedding that the whole world received except for wife and I. 2)brothers alcoholism was to remain hidden from the family as was his rehab treatment and how it affected his career. Now understand that they like to keep things quiet but that is not how I want to handle my problems, these things trigger alcohol use and violent outbursts on my part that I no longer wish to live through. Now appendectomy’s are pretty simple so I recovered quickly (it don’t rupture we just took it out). But during the time I was scheduled to be under anesthesia, stepdad reaches out to wife to have a chat and clear the air. Wife waits until I come to so i can be there and I hear the conversation. He claims to be here as a middleman like a business meeting to fix things once and for all. Wife and I are like wow great. He then proceeds to double down on my moms behalf that they will not be apologizing or meet any of her demands as she had already apologized as confirmed by 90yo grandma who was in the car and my mother herself. The term he used was stalemate to describe the situation. Wife and I are shocked but she has me keep quiet to show me what he will say. He proceeds to yell at her and they were screaming at each other, again steamrolling the conversation assuring us that he was down the middle yet maintains that mom has made a sufficient apology that needs to be accepted and wife needs to grow up and move on, then wishing her luck with the baby and a nice life. Next day I call stepdad to see how it went. He reassures me that he has done all he can and everything is back to normal. At this point I call him out and tell him I was conscious and explain to him what an apology is. But there is no dialogue with this guy like there is no dialogue with my mother. He proceeds to talk loudly over me like she does and basically call me a piece of shit for the amount he and mother have done for me. I speak to him first time like I never have before by calling him a hands off father and a pussy of a man who finally reaches out while he thinks I am under anesthesia to yell at my wife then pretend it’s cool, and I basically tell him he has never done a single thing for me to try and develop me into a man or nurture me as a child into an adult, but he thinks taking me on fishing trips and ski vacations are equivalent to love and nurturing growth and development just like my mom does. I reassure him that he has no right to talk about family being that he ruined his own as well as mine and couldn’t even tell my dad to his face that it was him who was sleeping with my mom behind his back when my dad came to him very upset as a friend when he got an anonymous phone tip at work one day. Then him and my mom laughed about it in court when my dad brought it up during the divorce. We ended with swearing and I felt very happy for finally giving my true feelings to him.
The birth: Months go by and nobody has said a thing. I can’t sleep at night seeing how much love I am getting from my father and his side for the baby, and my wife’s family, then thinking about how my own mother hasn’t reached out a single time. I’m dreaming about beating up my stepdad and it’s driving me mad. So weeks before the due date I reach out to my mom begging her to clear things up and apologize to my wife. Nothing. A week later i tell her how disappointed and abandoned I feel and want her in the family. Nothing. Baby comes a couple days early. Everyone is excited. Mom texts me begging for photos and to let everyone know. I tell her my brother and two stepsisters have received photos. I ask her to please reach out to wife she still needs to make amends for what’s happened between them and all she needs to do is reach out. Mom’s responses have been defensive, derisive, projecting, playing victim and referring to herself as a kicked puppy. Telling me my wife needs to apologize to her and making the conversation about mother son instead. She is beating around the bush. And she is sending me photos of my own baby that I did not send her. Her friends are congratulating me that I did not tell. Again she is pretending that everything is ok and it is not. She asked me to apologize to her husband for what I said on the phone that day. I said ok, watch this. So I sent the guy a message that was very apologetic and not passive aggressive or backhanded comments in any way. Still my mom won’t say anything.
Now: Baby is 6 days old. He is the best thing in my life and I wish my family were involved but it seems like I am living in a fantasy world where everyone can be happy together. I can be a jerk and have a terrible relationship with my mom, but I want more than anything to just feel loved enough where she can swallow her pride and make amends with my wife. Thats it. And she asked the other day to put a family group chat so everyone can be involved… for real? I know she is stressed with a high pressure job, but it seems heartless to me. She asks what big items she can get for the baby. Mom, baby is here we have everything for a couple months already. I said the biggest thing you can do is reach out and have a heart to heart with my wife so this rift can end and we can at least be cordial if you two can’t get along. I don’t think it will happen.
How do I mend this relationship between my wife and my mother?

I'm a 20 year old and I live with my mother. My parents are divorced and I know nothing about my father's side of family as I was very young when it happened. My father is from a "low caste" (as they call it) and my family had not approved the marriage but my mom still got married and lived separately for sometime. My father was abusive towards my mother and was a drunkard. He had a wife about whom he had not told my mother. My mother stayed there for a while and then eventually decided to leave. My mother's family gave their reaction.. they said things like, "we told her and she didn't listen. She deserves that." My mother took me and we lived in a rented place for years. It was just me and her. There was no one to take care of me while she was in office and so she would leave me at my friend's place. I would stay there as soon as I got back from school or when I had holidays. Finally years later, when I was 7 or 8, my mother took me to see her family. I remember the look in their eyes. They didn't even bother if I was there (they = my mother's 1st younger sister. She had 3 sisters). I could not understand what they were talking about so I don't remember. I was very naughty and stubborn back then. I was a revolting kind of kid and I did receive some lessons from my mother to make things straight. But as time went by, I went to visit the grandparents and my uncles. They were nice. I had one more aunt (my mother's youngest sister) who lived abroad, I met her as well. Now idk why but whenever I made a mistake or something they would indirect bring up my father. They would say things like "you are his daughter afterall." Even if I had just made a small mistake. At first I didn't feel anything but looking at my other cousin brother, they didn't say anything to him even if he made a mistake. I used to envy him and kind of felt left out. I used to go to a boarding school and so I only came back home for my vacation. There were no phones allowed there so when I got home, I would listen to music, dance, watch movies and videos. My family members would give me a "you are too much. What is she even doing her" kind of look to me every single time. I would visit my grandparents place and I would always feel left out. Maybe I was just expecting too much from them. Now I was a teenager when things got worse. I had an argument with my mother once and my first aunt (let's call her aunt A) Aunt A called my other aunt (the abroad one.. let's call her aunt B) aunt B and told her all nonsense. You know when you tend to make things bigger, you mix up all kinds of spices and what not just to make that a big issue.. that is what my aunt did. Aunt B called me and scolded me for no reason because of all the other additional things Aunt A had told her. This happened a couple of times. My mother got sick and had to go to Delhi for treatment and Aunt A went with her. The other family members took me in that time and would help me get to my hostel, bring me home for holidays and took care of me. My cousin brother's mother was also sick a few months earlier but she had returned home. One morning I told my grandmother that I wanted to talk to my mother but she refused so I took the phone secretly and called my mom. She said she had reached and told me not to worry. But when my other family members found out that I had called my mom, they all started scolding me. "Your cousin brother is a god-like kid. He never called or asked for his mother. While you, you have the behaviour of your father. You will eat your mother alive someday." I was 9 or 10 years old then.
I got into high school and the same thing happened. I would have a little argument, Aunt A would eavesdrop our conversation and add things up and say it to Aunt B. Aunt B would come home for festivals and would scold the hell out of me. She would compare me with all the other kids in the area and especially my cousin brother. One time I had opened a Facebook account and they found out. They literally stalked me account and called my mother and told her that I had only men in my friend list. She said, "Your daughter does not have a pure blood. She is her father's daughter afterall. She is impure and I know she is up yo something bad." (Basically she tried to tell my mom that I would hook up with boys just like my father had married his wives). Time went on and they said what not. "We are your family only till your mother is alive. After that you go do whatever you want." "If you do this, if you do that, remember we are not your family. Don't call us that time." If they heard me sharing my problems with my mother, they would say "You are going to kill your mother. She is sick because of you." One time I was separating my old and new clothes and my mother was also there sitting in the sofa near me. I was tossing of my old clothes near the door so that it would be easier but then the next day after my classes I got a call from Aunt B. She told me that I had done the most terrible thing ever. Someone told her that I threw my clothes at my mother's face. She said "I love my sister (my mom) but seems like you will never love her." I was so done. She also blamed me for talking bad about my other cousins when I hadn't even done that. I used to joke with my mom saying that she cares for my younger cousins way more when I am away in hostel. But that thing took a turn. Still they tell me a lot of things. "You are showing your father's behaviour" this one is the most common one. I am a short-tempered, stubborn kid and I accept it. I could be at fault, too (and I do apologise for that). They call me "Kami", this might be a very communal thing to bring out, but yeah, it's basically what you call a SC if you are in a Nepali community. They sometimes use it to mock people as well. My family does that. I don't want to feel like way and try to be as optimistic as possible, but it is like that because for the same mistakes that are made by my other cousins, they never said anything. Every mistake, every situation, every argument, I am the bad guy. Why? Because my father who left years ago, when I couldn't even remember his face, was a drunkard, cheated on my mom and hated my mom's family because they did not like him and I am his daughter. The only person with a different title/surname in the family. What should I believe? Is it verbal abuse? Or? Please, someone tell me.

I'm a 20 year old and I live with my mother. My parents are divorced and I know nothing about my father's side of family as I was very young when it happened. My father is from a "low caste" (as they call it) and my family had not approved the marriage but my mom still got married and lived separately for sometime. My father was abusive towards my mother and was a drunkard. He had a wife about whom he had not told my mother. My mother stayed there for a while and then eventually decided to leave. My mother's family gave their reaction.. they said things like, "we told her and she didn't listen. She deserves that." My mother took me and we lived in a rented place for years. It was just me and her. There was no one to take care of me while she was in office and so she would leave me at my friend's place. I would stay there as soon as I got back from school or when I had holidays. Finally years later, when I was 7 or 8, my mother took me to see her family. I remember the look in their eyes. They didn't even bother if I was there (they = my mother's 1st younger sister. She had 3 sisters). I could not understand what they were talking about so I don't remember. I was very naughty and stubborn back then. I was a revolting kind of kid and I did receive some lessons from my mother to make things straight. But as time went by, I went to visit the grandparents and my uncles. They were nice. I had one more aunt (my mother's youngest sister) who lived abroad, I met her as well. Now idk why but whenever I made a mistake or something they would indirect bring up my father. They would say things like "you are his daughter afterall." Even if I had just made a small mistake. At first I didn't feel anything but looking at my other cousin brother, they didn't say anything to him even if he made a mistake. I used to envy him and kind of felt left out. I used to go to a boarding school and so I only came back home for my vacation. There were no phones allowed there so when I got home, I would listen to music, dance, watch movies and videos. My family members would give me a "you are too much. What is she even doing her" kind of look to me every single time. I would visit my grandparents place and I would always feel left out. Maybe I was just expecting too much from them. Now I was a teenager when things got worse. I had an argument with my mother once and my first aunt (let's call her aunt A) Aunt A called my other aunt (the abroad one.. let's call her aunt B) aunt B and told her all nonsense. You know when you tend to make things bigger, you mix up all kinds of spices and what not just to make that a big issue.. that is what my aunt did. Aunt B called me and scolded me for no reason because of all the other additional things Aunt A had told her. This happened a couple of times. My mother got sick and had to go to Delhi for treatment and Aunt A went with her. The other family members took me in that time and would help me get to my hostel, bring me home for holidays and took care of me. My cousin brother's mother was also sick a few months earlier but she had returned home. One morning I told my grandmother that I wanted to talk to my mother but she refused so I took the phone secretly and called my mom. She said she had reached and told me not to worry. But when my other family members found out that I had called my mom, they all started scolding me. "Your cousin brother is a god-like kid. He never called or asked for his mother. While you, you have the behaviour of your father. You will eat your mother alive someday." I was 9 or 10 years old then.
I got into high school and the same thing happened. I would have a little argument, Aunt A would eavesdrop our conversation and add things up and say it to Aunt B. Aunt B would come home for festivals and would scold the hell out of me. She would compare me with all the other kids in the area and especially my cousin brother. One time I had opened a Facebook account and they found out. They literally stalked me account and called my mother and told her that I had only men in my friend list. She said, "Your daughter does not have a pure blood. She is her father's daughter afterall. She is impure and I know she is up yo something bad." (Basically she tried to tell my mom that I would hook up with boys just like my father had married his wives). Time went on and they said what not. "We are your family only till your mother is alive. After that you go do whatever you want." "If you do this, if you do that, remember we are not your family. Don't call us that time." If they heard me sharing my problems with my mother, they would say "You are going to kill your mother. She is sick because of you." One time I was separating my old and new clothes and my mother was also there sitting in the sofa near me. I was tossing of my old clothes near the door so that it would be easier but then the next day after my classes I got a call from Aunt B. She told me that I had done the most terrible thing ever. Someone told her that I threw my clothes at my mother's face. She said "I love my sister (my mom) but seems like you will never love her." I was so done. She also blamed me for talking bad about my other cousins when I hadn't even done that. I used to joke with my mom saying that she cares for my younger cousins way more when I am away in hostel. But that thing took a turn. Still they tell me a lot of things. "You are showing your father's behaviour" this one is the most common one. I am a short-tempered, stubborn kid and I accept it. I could be at fault, too (and I do apologise for that). They call me "Kami", this might be a very communal thing to bring out, but yeah, it's basically what you call a SC if you are in a Nepali community. They sometimes use it to mock people as well. My family does that. I don't want to feel like way and try to be as optimistic as possible, but it is like that because for the same mistakes that are made by my other cousins, they never said anything. Every mistake, every situation, every argument, I am the bad guy. Why? Because my father who left years ago, when I couldn't even remember his face, was a drunkard, cheated on my mom and hated my mom's family because they did not like him and I am his daughter. The only person with a different title/surname in the family. What should I believe? Is it verbal abuse? Or? Please, someone tell me.

Hi, I am attempting to plan a trip to Ireland for this August for our family of 4 (our children are 13 and almost 10.) So far we have plane tickets, so we are definitely going there, but I'm feeling a bit stuck. We haven't booked hotels or tours yet.
Reading guide books makes it sound easy to get around in a rental car, but we don't drive. So I am trying to figure out how we can mix day trips and trains and possibly hiring a driver for a day or two, depending on the cost.
Is this a somewhat reasonable plan? I need to flesh out our days but here is a sketch:
Day 1: Sunday - Arrive in Dublin airport around 9am. Transfer to hotel (TBD) to drop off bags and take a city walking tour (either self-guided or with a guide) plus early dinner and early bedtime
Day 2: Monday - Trinity College and Book of Kells, other sights
Day 3: Tuesday - Visit Newgrange/Knowth, returning to Dublin to sleep. It appears there are a number of day tour operators that would take us from Dublin to Newgrange and back.
Day 4: Wednesday - Train to Galway - likely the 9:25am arriving in Galway 11:52am LUNCH - where? (Sometimes I feel like we lurch from meal to meal on vacation but good food keeps everyone happy!) Get 4:45pm bus to Rossaveel to hop on ferry: https://www.aranislandferries.com/time-tables/inismor and spend night on Inis Mor.
Day 5: Thursday - Spend day on island until late afternoon ferry departure. Question: is it better to return to Galway or take the ferry to Doolin. Both options say they go by the Cliffs of Moher... Thursday night sleep where???
And ladies and gentleman, here is where I am stuck. We read a lot about how great Dingle is, and would love to visit. It looks like getting here by public transportation whether from Galway or Doolin would eat an entire day of the trip. In a car it takes approximately 3 hours. Would a taxi company make a trip like that in Ireland, or does one need to book a private driver? Ideas on expense? OR, would there be a trip from Galway or Doolin to Dingle (e.g. a hop-on-type small bus tour?) I googled but only found "day trip to Dingle from Dublin" for example.
And after Dingle, our dream would be to go to Skellig Michael, which seems to also require a private car to get to either Portmagee ferries or Bunnavalla Pier in Caherdaniel, where some other ferry operators are based.
Lastly, if time allows, we'd love to swing by Waterford for a day on the way back to Dublin for our return flight. We have the below time to visit Dingle and Skellig Michael and maybe Waterford... I've left the days blank because it isn't clear to me how we could get around and how long to spend in each place.
Day 6: Friday -
Day 7: Saturday -
Day 8: Sunday -
Day 9: Monday -
Day 10: Tuesday -
Day 11: Wednesday -
Day 12: Thursday - depart on late afternoon flight from Dublin
Thanks in advance for helpful tips and insight and practical advice!

I, 33F, have been married to my husband 43M for 3 years now, together for 5 years. His daughter (22F) has HATED me since day 1. For context, I’ve never once tried to mother her and have only tried to be a supportive adult. In the beginning I tried everything to extend an olive branch, I financed a car for her in my name, I added her as an authorized user on my credit cards to help establish her credit after she turned 18. No matter what I did there was always open hostility and blaming me for anything that went wrong in her life. She gets pulled over for a DUI? It’s my fault because I must have called the cops on her and told them. She loses something? It’s my fault because I must have stolen it from her. The examples are endless. It got to the point where she told my husband that he had to choose between us and when my husband stood by my side, she didn’t attend our wedding and went no contact with us for a year and half. She resumed contact when she wanted his help, but it’s always with the caveat that I am not around. She throws fits whenever I am involved even if it’s as simple as we invite her to dinner. She is always asking for money since resuming contact since she refuses to hold a job. He ended up paying for her rent, gas, groceries, and fun money for over a year. Well he finally cut her off financially and only gave her the opportunity to earn money by cleaning our office. He started the business and I work with him. We had previously closed the office down and went full remote but we recently opened a new office and he’s hired his daughter to do the cleaning, which was supposed to be during business hours a set day each week. I was planning on doing hybrid work and taking an office, but I recently learned that he’s going to let her have a key and come in when she’d like, unsupervised. I am extremely uncomfortable with the thought of her having any unsupervised access to any space that I call my own considering her continued hostility towards me. WIBTA if I tell my husband that if she’s allowed to clean unsupervised that I will stick with working fully remote?
Edit to add more context: Mom and dad were together for 16 years but had been divorced for 3 years before I met my husband. She was originally NC with her mom but then chose to go between parents to get to be able to do what she wants. She dropped out of high school in 10th grade and hasn’t even tried for her GED. Mom has been married for 4 years and together with her husband for 5 years and they have 2 year old twin girls together.
Also I don’t want to work at the office since I would be worried about what she possibility do to anything that I leave there as she’s been pretty vindictive in the past.

A head’s up about a current scam. OPD has confirmed that this scam is active. They are spoofing the sheriff’s office and using the name of an actual sergeant who works there. Very long post so skip if you don’t want to read the story.
This is from personal experience, I followed it all the way to the point they were supposed to arrest me because I wanted to see how far they would go, but I did not give them any money.
Got a call from the main Thurston County Sheriff’s Office phone number and they claimed there were two bench warrants out for my arrest for missing jury duty. One was a civil charge and one was a criminal charge. (That is not how that works, but whatever.) I was transferred to a sergeant who gave me what he said were the laws specified in the warrants. One matched the RCW for failure to appear, but the other was supposed to be for contempt of court but was for controlled substance. At this point I was absolutely convinced that whatever was going on, it was a scam.
They insisted I keep my line open on the call and had some nonsense about the case being under a gag order and that I couldn’t tell anyone anything about the issue on the call. I was offered a choice of paying a “bond” or being arrested. They threatened that if arrested I would be held for 72 hours before going in front of a judge.
I said I would pay the bond option and they directed me to “an official kiosk” to pay it and then I would get connected to the judge via a zoom call and if the judge accepted my reason for missing jury duty then they would set a court date and vacate the warrants. (Again, not how this works. Not how any of this works.)
I was sent to the Walgreens on Cooper Point and they said to look for a specific kiosk. Apparently they had old information and the name of the ATM was a different bank. I told them there wasn’t a kiosk like they said and that I guess I would have to go to the Sheriff’s office after all.
Surprisingly, they did not give up at that point and directed me to go to the administrative office (which I knew was closed) and that they would have no choice but to arrest me. They tried once again to intimidate me with going to jail and not seeing a judge for 72 hours, and they would send a couple of deputies out to meet my car. The actor berated me for giving up so quickly at the Walgreens and said most people would do anything to avoid arrest and l said I would take my chances. When I got to the courthouse complex there were no deputies, the offices were locked as expected and that’s where the whole thing ended.

Hi all! This is a rather comprehensive guide for newcomers to PC gaming to help understand the relevant technologies when it comes to docks, peripherals, external storage and monitors. This should help navigate the sometimes conflicting and confusing advice online and enable you to make buying decisions based on your personal needs.

Cables, Power Delivery and 30W Turbo

(More info regarding cables under Data Transfer - Cables)
Cables and Power Delivery
All USB C to C cables built to spec are capable of providing 20V@3A for a maximum of 60W. For any higher power output, there are different protocols and the Ally uses the Power Delivery (PD) protocol which is common for laptops - If you already have a laptop with USB C charging, check to see if its charger supports PD charging since you could use its charger with the Ally and vice versa.
The PD protocol requires a handshake where the power source, whether it be a charger or power bank, communicates its different capabilities (eg. 15V @ 3A = 45W, 20V @ 3.25A = 65W, 20V @ 5A = 100W, etc.) and the device communicates what it can safely receive over the USB cable. This communication requires an E marker chip built into the USB C cable which allows the power source to deliver up to 48V @ 5A = 240W, although it is more common to find the older 20V @5 A = 100W cables. The E marker is also what allows you to plug in a high output PD charger to charge much lower powered devices without frying any components since the charger will keep to a safe/low power output until the E marker communicates the capabilities on both ends.
The Ally uses the 20V @ 3.25A (65W) PD power profile and any USB C to C cable with an E marker should work for the Ally as long as your charger or power bank can deliver the aforementioned 20V @ 3.25A.
Note: Sometimes cables just aren't built to spec and cheaper cables might not work as intended or fail quickly. The E marker chip malfunctioning is a primary reason why your charger and cable combination might suddenly stop working as intended and not deliver the 65W to the Ally even if it did earlier - in most situations, it might just drop to 20V @ 3A (60W).
30W Turbo requirements
As far as the ROG Ally is concerned,

• If a 20V @ 3.25A PD profile (or higher) is powering the device, the device will allow up to 30W to the GPU.
• If the Ally can't draw at least 20V @ 3.25A, it'll max out at 25W to the GPU.
• USB A to C cables simply cannot provide the higher output PD wattages. Some USB A to C cables (OnePlus/Oppo ones for instance) use proprietary pin layouts to achieve higher power output up to 100W but these are proprietary implementations and won't work with the Ally.
• PD charging requires a USB C to C cable (or PD chargers with attached cables like the original charger)

How to enable 30W Turbo
If you're connecting the power source directly to the Ally, i.e. not using a hub:

• The original charger works flawlessly as well as any similar ones from reputable laptop brands (HP, Lenovo, etc.) that use PD and have the 20V @ 3.25A profile as well.
• If you're using a power bank or charger with a removable cable, make sure it supports the same PD profile as mentioned above and use a USB C to C cable with an E marker. Any cable with an E marker should reliably provide at least 100W since the minimum spec is 20V @ 5A.

If you're connecting the Ally through a dock/hub:
This is where things get interesting. Without getting very technical, USB specifications are set by the USB Implementers Forum (USB IF). For docks and hubs, the specification states that USB devices should be able to draw power at the port with max power draw specified. For USB 3 devices, this max power draw is 5V @ 900 mA (4.5W at the port) and for USB 2 devices, this max draw is 5V @ 500 mA (2.5W). This is why most docks and hubs have their own power requirement, around 15W usually but may vary, so that power is reserved for the USB ports. Depending on the device connected, this power draw can vary - a portable spinning hard disk drive will draw more power than a dongle for a wireless mouse for instance. Insufficient power to the ports can manifest in many ways such as USB devices disconnecting and reconnecting, HDMI intermittently disconnecting, etc.
I haven't been able to test this so please take this section with a grain of salt - docks that support 30W Turbo with the original charger don't seem to meet the official USB IF specs since the dock must be exposing the Ally to the 20V @ 3.25A PD profile without reserving any power to the USB ports. I haven't been able to confirm this myself as all the docks and hubs I use reserve around 15W for the ports and require at least 80W+ PD to allow the 30W Turbo mode. Based on my digging online, it seems like some people have no issues using these docks while others have reliability issues such as the ones I described earlier.
To summarise, enabling 30W Turbo mode reliably on the Ally when connected to a dock or hub requires (should require?) the following:

• A charger or power bank capable of 80W or higher PD profiles since the hub should ideally be reserving power for itself to prevent issues on the ports (usually around 15W but can vary).
• Like earlier, if you're using a removable cable with a charger or power bank, make sure to use a USB C to C cable with an E marker chip.
• Potential option if you have a 100W power bank that supports PD passthrough - in this scenario you can plug in your original ROG Ally charger to the power bank (65W input to the power bank) and then connect your dock to the power bank (up to 100W to the dock). I can confirm it works with this power bank: https://www.amazon.ca/imuto-26800mAh-Portable-Charger-Charging/dp/B0BC7NJHCW

If you don't care about playing on 30W Turbo mode,
As mentioned earlier, all USB C to C cables should be capable of at least 60W. Using a charger with any lower PD profiles such as a 45W charger will not cause any damage or harm, you might just lose battery even with a charger connected but that's about it. I often use my 25W phone charger or even Nintendo Switch charger - reliable chargers will not damage your device.

Data Transfer

General info
Mbps, MB/s, Gbps and GB/s - there's a difference.
You'll often see the terms Mbps or MB/s (alternatively Gbps or GB/s) used to refer to USB speed, storage speed, internet speeds, etc. but it's important to note the difference.
Mbps = Megabits per second, MB/s = Megabytes per second
Gbps = Gigabits per second, GB/s = Gigabytes per second
Data transfer is usually measured in Megabits per second, Mbps (or Gigabits per second, Gbps). Your internet speed is a great example of this. Files and any storage in general is measured as Megabytes or Gigabytes. To work out file transfers in Megabytes or Gigabytes per second use the following:
8 bits make up 1 byte and 1 Gigabit = 1000 Megabits. To keep things confusing, 1 Gigabyte = 1024 Megabytes.
If your internet service provider is providing a 1 Gigabit connection it works out to 1000/8= 125 Megabytes per second, i.e. a file that is 250 Megabytes will take 2 seconds to download. (Note: real speeds will always be lower due to network overhead, congestion, distance to servers and a bunch of other factors.)
A breakdown for the things most relevant to the ROG Ally:

• USB 2 ports, cables and devices max out at 480 Mbps, ie 480/8 = 60 Megabytes per second. These shouldn't be used for file transfer since they're slow but work great for peripherals such as keyboards, mice, webcams, wireless dongles, etc. These devices tend to use very little bandwidth and won't saturate a USB 2 port.
• USB 3.0 ports, cables and devices max out at 5 Gbps (5000 Mbps), ie. 5000/8 = 625 Megabytes per second. Ports on most docks max out at these speeds.
• USB 3.1 (also known as 3.1 Gen 2 because USB naming convention is a hot mess...) ports, cables and devices max out at 10 Gbps (10000 Mbps), ie. 10000/8 =1250 Megabytes per second.

The Ally's USB C port is USB 3.1 Gen 2 with DP Alt mode so the max transfer speed you can get from the Ally is 10 Gbps. Ideally you should look for docks and cables that are capable of 10 Gbps.

• USB 3.1 Gen 2x2: 20 Gbps, ie. 2500 Megabytes per second. Although the Ally can't achieve these speeds, you might find enclosures or portable SSD's operating at these speed at comparable prices to 10 Gbps ones when on sale. Just worth keeping an eye out for.
• USB 4/Thunderbolt: up to 40 Gbps, ie. 5000 Megabytes per second. if you have a device capable of USB 4/Thunderbolt I would recommend looking into a Thunderbolt dock/hub but otherwise they are overkill for the Ally since the dock will operate at lower speeds and some USB 4/TB features in the dock won't work at all. These hubs and cables require in depth certification making them very reliable but also very expensive.

Other notable mentions:

• A functioning SD card slot in the Ally (UHS-II): maxes out at 312 Megabytes per second
• LAN (1 gigabit): 125 Megabytes per second
• LAN (2.5 gigabit): 312.5 Megabytes per second
• WiFi 5: Typically 866Mbps, ie. 108.25 Megabytes per second
• WiFi 6 (80 Mhz channels): Typically 1201 Mbps, ie. 150.125 Megabytes per second
• WiFi 6 (160 Mhz channels): Typically 2402 Mbps, ie. 300.25 Megabytes per second

WiFi 5 and 6 speeds are theoretically MUCH higher but this is what most people can expect from their routers to their device - including crappy ISP provided routers.
For LAN and WiFI, these are the speeds you can expect on your local network and NOT the speed your ISP provides to the internet. Your local network is what you are using when you stream in home from a PC or console to the Ally using something like Steam Link or Sunshine. Or if you access storage on your network (NAS, Plex server, Jellyfin, etc.)
Real speeds will always be lower across the board when you account for any overhead such as the Windows File system, background tasks, network overhead etc.
Data Transfer - Cables
Make sure you're using a cable that can match the speed of the device, ie. if you're connecting a USB 3.0 device, make sure the cable also supports USB 3.0 at least. Similarly, you need to use a 10Gbps USB cable to achieve 10Gbps data transfer speeds. Using higher spec cables should always work reliably with lower spec devices too, such as using a 10Gbps cable with a USB 2 device will just operate at USB 2 speeds.
NOTE: A cable containing an E marker chip does not necessarily mean it can do video or even USB 3.0 file speeds. The E marker chip is unrelated to data transfer capabilities. In general, most 100W E marker cables only work at USB 2 speeds if used for file transfer, unless they explicitly state other capabilities.
I've personally had great reliability with 240W E marker cables though and it's been much easier to find reliable cables that provide 10Gbps data transfer, 4K 60Hz video output and any level of PD required all through one cable. I suspect the reliability mainly comes from the more stringent certification process required for 240W PD. These cables can be chonky though.
Can games run from an SD card, external hard drive, external SSD or USB flash drive?
Short answer, yes.
Longer answer, yes, but keep the following in mind:

• For most games, you will see a difference in terms of load times taking longer when running from external storage - the game performance should be identical though. Games which explicitly state they need internal SSDs can also work from removable storage but your mileage may vary. Forza Motorsport for instance throws a warning message upon launch but you can safely ignore it without issue.
• Some launchers work better with removable storage for games. Steam, Epic Games and Ubisoft have all worked great for me but games from XBox have had issues with updates breaking game files. Most launchers will allow you to select removable media for storage though.
• The Ally might not recognize games that are installed on removable storage if the storage isn't plugged in when you turn the Ally on. Basically, if you're not seeing a game you have installed, shut down the Ally, connect the storage device to the Ally directly or through a dock and then turn the Ally back on. The games should reappear and be playable.

My advice would be to install any game you intend to play only while the Ally is connected to a dock on external storage devices, otherwise install them internally. For instance, I only play Ace Combat when I'm connected to my TV so it made sense to install it on external storage that is always connected to my dock and TV.
External storage - What should I use?

• Cheap option - If you have an old laptop, PC or console that you no longer use, consider reusing the internal HDD or SSD from those devices in an enclosure. The form factor and connectors vary so make sure to buy the correct one. Spinning hard drives will be slower and depending on age, might not be the most reliable so keep that in mind.
• Using an M.2 SSD in a 10Gbps enclosure. I personally prefer this method since you can find M.2 SSDs frequently going on sale and it allows you to reuse the drive internally in a future PC build. If you don't want to go this route though, you can look into external SSDs from the likes of reliable brands like SanDisk, Samsung, Western Digital, etc. which offer comparable speeds to M.2 SSDs in an enclosure.
• USB/USB C flash drives (thumb drives) - I personally only recommend using flash drives to move data rather than for storing data but no harm if you want to install games on them.
• SD/Micro SD Cards - I wouldn't recommend buying one given the Ally's SD slot issues BUT if you already bought one or have any cards laying around, consider using an external card reader to plug into your dock/hub or to the Ally directly. Read/write speeds vary based on the card and reader but keep in mind that the Steam Deck runs games off its SD card slot (UHS I) which only has a max speed of 104 Megabytes per second.

What's the best keyboard, mouse, controller for the Ally?
This will entirely depend on you - There are three main ways to connect and each has its pros and cons. The way you personally see these pros and cons will help you pick.
Wired devices:
Pros - lowest latency in most cases, no need to recharge devices.
Cons - need a dock to connect more than one device and you'll need to manage cables.
Bluetooth:
Pros - cable free, no need for a dock to connect to your devices.
Cons - some latency, need recharging/batteries, connectivity issues are common.
Wireless dongles:
Pros - cable free, lower latency than Bluetooth and some devices have latency comparable to wired performance.
Cons - still need a dock if you require more than one dongle, dongles often use 2.4Ghz protocols and might have crazy interference with poorly shielded devices around them.
Some devices will offer more than one way to connect - I've found them ideal for the Ally.
My peripherals (not recommendations per se, rather my use case since all were bought for an existing work from home/gaming PC setup)
Keyboards:

• Keychron K4 (V2): 3 devices over Bluetooth or wired. The Bluetooth has always been slow to connect with any device so I use it wired with my gaming PC. Otherwise, excellent mechanical keyboard.
• MX Keys Mini: 3 devices total over Bluetooth or Logi Bolt dongle. Very little input latency with the dongle but I stick to Bluetooth personally for the convenience. Much smaller than the Keychron K4 too and quicker to connect on BT so my go to for the Ally.

Mice:

• Logi M720 Triathlon - 3 devices total over Bluetooth or Logi Unifying receiver - Works perfectly regardless of using Bluetooth or the dongle. My go to for the Ally on Bluetooth for the convenience.
• Surface Arc Mouse - 1 device, Bluetooth. Overpriced and uncomfortable to use for long periods of time but it folds flat so I use it if I'm travelling with my Ally.
• Logi G502 SE - 1 device, Wired. Often regarded as one of the best wired gaming mice. I've used it with my gaming PC for about 4 - 5 years and have no complaints.

Controller:

• XBox Controller - Wired, Bluetooth or XBox USB adapter - pretty standard. The AUX port on the controller works if you're using the XBox USB adapter which is great.
• 8BitDo SN30 Pro - Wired, bluetooth. I believe the newer version has hall effect sticks. Triggers aren't analogue though - they are buttons.
• GameSir T4 Cyclone Pro - Wired, Bluetooth or Dongle. Hall effect sticks and triggers, lots of customizability, haptic triggers (only on Bluetooth mode though), gyro support - my go to for the Ally.

Displays

HDMI vs DisplayPort
Like any data cable, HDMI and DisplayPort carry data but in the form of audio/video data. DisplayPort can carry more of this information based on the most common version available, ie. DisplayPort 1.4 which supports up to 32.4Gbps. The most common version for HDMI is 2.0 which supports up to 18Gbps.
DisplayPort is preferred for gaming PCs generally since they are better at communicating capabilities such as FreeSync capabilities, HDR capabilities, etc. which is why most monitors use DisplayPort, especially modern ones.

• For TVs - Use HDMI
• For Monitors - Use DisplayPort if your monitor and dock both support it

DP Alt mode and USB C monitors
The Ally along with numerous phones and laptops support video out over USB C using what is known as DisplayPort Alt Mode (DP Alt Mode). This only works over USB C to USB C.
Some newer monitors support this and can be driven by just one USB C to USB C cable. They might also provide USB PD power.
Portable monitors also use DP Alt Mode to work over USB C. For HDMI, they use a standard HDMI to mini HDM and you need to plug in power when using HDMI. I haven't come across a dock that supports DP-Alt mode on its USB C ports making it impossible to drive a portable monitor over USB C with a dock (HDMI obviously will still work.)
Thunderbolt hubs may have USB C ports which allow DP Alt mode but in my experience they downgrade these ports to only USB 3 (without DP ALT mode) when connected to something that isn't Thunderbolt.
I only have experience with the Arzopa A1C (1920x1080, 60hz, 15.6 inch display) but here is my takeaway:

• Decent picture quality - think iPad level screen, better than what I was expecting frankly and same resolution as the Ally so I don't even change my settings.
• It was not mentioned anywhere in the manual/online but this does 50W PD passthrough. I plug in my charger to the monitor and use a USB C cable from the Ally and everything else I use is wireless. Pretty portable.
• Has an aux port if you want to plug in headphones/speakers to it directly.

Common misconceptions for anyone used to console gaming or new to PC gaming
(Note: The section below is only relevant to native resolution output without any frame gen or upscaling such as RSR, FSR, AFMF, etc.)
I've seen numerous posts asking "will this __inch monitor work?". Your physical screen size does not matter. The pixel count does. A 24inch 4K 60hz monitor will be just as hard for the Ally to run as a 60inch 4k 60hz TV.
For the Ally at its native 1920x1080 resolution at 120 frames per second, the GPU has to render 2,073,600 pixels, 120 times per second.
When you connect your Ally to a 4K 60Hz TV and try to output at your TVs native resolution of 3840x2160, the Ally has to process 8,294,400 pixels, 60 times per second.
Essentially, you will never get the same performance hooked up to a 4K TV at native resolution compared to running a game at the Ally's native 1080p resolution.
The same goes if you're looking at 3440x1440, 2560x1440 or any resolution when considering a monitor. In terms of "will it work with the Ally?" The answer is always "yes it will work" since the Ally is a PC, but adjust your game settings or your resolution accordingly.
Simply put, the higher the resolution (and frame rate), the more pixels the GPU needs to render, the bigger the performance hit.
I can put together a detailed AMD Adrenaline and general game settings guide if there's interest.

Things to keep in mind while buying a dock or hub:

• Form factor - If you want to use it with other devices consider getting a different form factor than the standard dock shape (the classic Steam Deck and ROG Ally dock where it sits with a non removable right angled USB C connector).
• Will my case work with it? Personal example - I put a JSAUX case on my Ally and it doesn't fit in my dock anymore. The case has a stand though so still fully functional but just doesn't look as "clean".
• Should ideally reserve power for the USB ports to avoid random issues.
• Be capable of 65W passthrough after reserving power to the dock.
• USB ports speed - ideally you should aim for a dock or hub featuring 10Gbps ports to use the max bandwidth of the Ally's port. Most docks and hubs max out at 5 Gbps however which is also adequate.
• Monitor support - consider if you would prefer one with DisplayPort or HDMI - few will have both. If you're mostly connecting to TVs, HDMI will be fine. If you have a monitor with FreeSync, ideally look for a dock with DisplayPort.
• Multi monitor - If you want to connect to multiple displays, you need one with multiple outputs since you will not be able to daisy chain docks. Keep an eye out to avoid DisplayLink however. It is NOT the same as DisplayPort - it drives video over USB 3 (USB 2 even) but involves compression and some other proprietary work happening on the dock - absolute non issue for productivity/office work but just not for gaming with its own overhead.
• Consider one that has a removable cable to host - being able to use your own cable length can be great but just make sure it meets specifications (E marker, video and USB 3.0 at least for it to be usable with a dock and the Ally)
• LAN port speed - most cap out at 1 gigabit but you might come across some with 2.5 gigabit ports.
• Consider if having an SD card slot or M.2 enclosure built into the dock/hub is something that you need.

My thoughts on the docks/hubs I own
All of them work pretty identically and offer 4K HDR, 30W Turbo, etc. when connected to a 100W PD charger. The ports are all USB 3.0 so max speed of 5Gbps. I’ve mentioned anything of note

• Aceele - https://www.amazon.ca/Docking-Compatible-Ethernet-1000Mbps-Charging/dp/B0CF57SZY5 - Has an On/Off button on the front for HDMI which can be handy. Works with the Nintendo Switch too surprisingly.
  
• Dockteck - https://www.dockteck.com/collections/usb-c-hub/products/usb-c-hub-ethernet-hdmi-6-in-1-usb-c-to-4k-60hz - Some strain on the USB port due to the form factor.
  
• Lionwei - https://lionweitech.com/products/usb-c-docking-station-dual-4k-hdmi-8-in-1 - Separate USB 2.0 port, dual HDMI and a removable cable. The cable out of the box stopped working after a month but the hub itself works great.
  

Other handy accessories

• Jsaux 90 degree USB C to C adapter - they come in a 2 pack and can be used at the same time to form a 180 degree adapter - https://jsaux.com/products/90-degree-right-angle-usb-c-male-to-usb-c-female-adapter
• Pluggable USB C extension cable with multimeter - reliably extend any USB C cable and check power draw - https://plugable.com/en-ca/products/usbc-meter3-1mf

Thanks for reading and hope it helps!

I use an excel sheet as a check-in sheet at my work. (I'd say I'm pretty beginner in true understanding, but can figure out a lot through usage, research, & trial/error.) Column A is "Name", Column H we'll call "Day-Of," and Column I we'll call "Last Visit."
The goal is for me to check folks in with Column A (Name) and have Column I (Last Visit) pull the previously listed Column H (Day-Of) result. However, when I check them in, I also put something in that row's Column H (Day-Of) cell, which causes issues. Currently I've got:

=XLOOKUP($A3,A:A,H:H," ",0,-1) 

in Column I (Last Visit). This is close in that it's searching from the bottom up and in all the correct ranges, but it's not going to skip the current row I'm in. I tried making the lookup_array and the return_array basically current row-1 (ie: if the row in question was A20, the array was set for $A$3:$A19 and similar H values), but that gave me #VALUE errors that I couldn't manage to solve.
Is this possible without VBA? I already have VBA running in this sheet, and any more would cause too many performance issues for the users.
screenshot of sheet for clarity
In the example above, if working how I'd like, cell I137 would say "math" and not "chem" like it currently does.
Thank you for any direction or advice you can give! :)
ETA: Desktop Excel, Office 365

Need help figuring out a career
Hi everyone. I graduated with my bachelors in biology in 2023 I’m currently 22 years old, almost 23, and been out of school for the last year while trying to figure out my life post graduation. I originally went to school in the hopes of becoming a doctor and going to medical school, then switched to pre-PA from a combination of the intimidation of debt/4 years of more school and years of residency. But while getting my patient care experience after graduation (required to apply to PA school) I realized I hated the office setting and patient interaction. I’ve since been working in retail while trying to figure out life.
Recently I interviewed for a 1 year MRI tech program (because I don’t have to deal with patients as much and my interests in physics and imaging) and got accepted to start next fall. However I did have to register at my local community college this summer for some pre-requesite classes which start in a week. Today I was going through some of the things I need before starting the course and the same uncertainty I felt with going to medical school my senior year have started to set in now that I have to come to terms with reality again and deal with this. Looking over all the course material and syllabus was daunting and made me realize maybe I wasn’t as ready as I thought in making this decision — I still don’t even think I actually wanted to do the MRI program at all I just felt forced to do something with the degree I felt I wasted 4 years getting. But I have no motivation or interest to start these summer courses (similar to how I felt I had the potential to excel in med school but just lacked the motivation and true passion that would’ve made it a long 4 years) and I feel it’s a warning sign rather than what some may think is me being scared of a challenge (I’m definitely not I was in honors in college and graduated with a 3.96 GPA highest in my program). I also just had 2 more surgeries (for a total of 7 in my lifetime) and each has done the opposite for me opposed to others — instead of enforcing interest in medicine I’ve become so agitated by it.
At this point I don’t know if I should continue with the program and summer courses and see how i feel as it goes or back out now and take more time to figure out my life. I’m definitely an over thinker but if I can get the few grand I already paid in tuition back for a full refund it may be worth it to take the extra time to decide. Only reason I’m hesitant about it is I actually have been finding a real interest lately in going to pharmacy school where I would need these pre requisites also, but again I’m intimidated by that kind of toxic culture where students are overworked and abused and I’m burnt out of the idea having to study 12 hours a day (obviously the only careers I seem to have considered are science/healthcare because all I was good at in school and had some interest in was science and maybe that’s my problem trying to force my hand into a “respectable career” — also yes I have considered research and it’s not for me I didn’t enjoy the research process in college during my honors thesis).
All I know is I have the capability to succeed in anything I do it’s just figuring out what that is for me. All that matters to me at the end of the day is I would like to have a good work life balance and make a decent amount of money but not to live luxuries more because I’m very much a family man and would like to support my own one day to have a comfortable life and go on vacations and stuff I never was able to as a kid. I’m a bit of an introvert but can also be very social, but I don’t enjoy dealing with complex personalities that I’ve learned in my patient care and retail experiences so something like management and HR wouldn’t work for me. Another thing I’ve been thinking is even if I might enjoy something like accounting if I don’t want to go to 4 years more of med school I probably don’t want to spend 4 more years pursuing another bachelors and MBA… I’m not a very creative person either so I don’t think something like engineering architecture of entrepreneurship would benefit me. Something I was once considering bc it was suggested to me was becoming a chef but 1) even though I enjoy cooking I enjoy like making dinner for myself I don’t think I would enjoy the professional kitchen environment and 2) my cousin went to culinary school and basically for the same reasons ended up doing nothing with it and now has some social services government pension job. Speaking of pension jobs I considered teaching and police which is the career of choice for my aunts and uncles, but I couldn’t personally handle teaching because of the kids crazy parents and restricting curriculums and i can’t be a cop where I live because I’m colorblind and honestly think I wouldn’t be taken seriously as one. One thing I would’ve loved to do is commercial real estate I’ve talked about it a lot as a possibility one day with my best friend but the problem is I have no idea on getting started with that without needing the capital.
I know this is very long but thank you for reading all this and any help would be greatly appreciated. I’m physically exhausted and drained from feeling confused and a loser for having no direction.

I would like to start this off by saying I'm sorry; this is a long one, and I appreciate any advice or help I can get. Also, to anyone willing to read this, thank you so much! I'm currently looking for a new job but having no luck, so I'm trying to also improve my current situation as much as I can.
I’m 28 and work in California for a school district in IT, and I love IT. The only problem is my boss. I've worked this job for almost 5 years now, and he has been the boss at this school district for almost 10 years. He's really good at the IT side of his job, but as a manager, not so much. He likes to call his employees morons, yell at and reprimand employees in front of coworkers. He's now caused several employees to quit or seek therapy (including myself). One time, I was sitting in my office working on a project, and he yelled across the office, "Gojo, get your ass in here," for the whole office to hear, and then proceeded to chew me out with the office door open and the entire office listening. He believes fear is a good management tool, which isn't really my style. His current thing to do is trying to pit us against each other and talk trash about other employees when they aren’t around. He micro manages everything you do and calls you stupid if you aren’t doing something exactly the way he wants you to. If there is a way you can save literally TWO seconds on a task and you aren’t doing it that way, he gets upset. After he does all of that, then he tries to be nice and talk about video games with you or buy the office food or let people go home 20 minutes early, but then it’s right back to the usual harassment.
Almost a year ago, I interviewed for and got the open Tech II position, promoted from Tech I. At the time, I was interested because I would learn a lot of things that would help me get different jobs, and it was a little more money. I regretted this promotion really early on. I dread coming to work and several times almost quit on the spot with no job lined up. Therapy has helped a lot with these emotions.
Outside of my boss being terrible, he also piles on work and gives the line, "You’re a Tech II now; you should be able to do all of this," or "You’re a Tech II; you have to figure out how to balance all the work." Currently, I’m balancing 12 projects, providing tech support for our district office, working as an escalation point for our Tech I’s(we have 4 soon to be 6 and they support 15 schools), and assisting our network admin with his projects. While I’m trying to do all that, my boss is also yelling from across the hall, adding more tasks that he needs me to work on and needs to be done that day. As a Tech I, your main task was working on help tickets for about 3 schools, and then during the summer, you helped with some projects. This promotion got me a whole $2 an hour increase in pay.
I am currently working on getting a new job. I’m applying for city, county, and state IT positions, but they take months before they even start interviewing for those positions, and the entire process is taking a long time. In the meantime, I’m reaching out to my union to see if I’m able to demote back down to Tech I. That doesn’t help with the boss situation, but it does help with the lack of compensation for all the extra work.
As far as my boss goes, I want to report him to HR, but I have no physical evidence, and most of my coworkers are afraid. I’m starting to document in my notes every time he is inappropriate, the date and time of that incident, and who was a witness. He’s pretty smart about how he does everything, nothing in writing, no emails, or texts. If I do report him, it has to be enough to actually get him fired. I’ve been told teachers have reported him to HR in the past, then HR has told his boss, and then his boss tells him about who reported him, and nothing has ever come out of it. He likes to hire people new to the industry or really young people so they are less likely to push back at him or are too intimidated to report him. He has bragged to us several times about how if he ever did get fired he’s taking people down with him because he knows all the districts dirty secrets.
How can I legally obtain evidence of his abuse? What should I know about reporting bosses to HR? I don’t know what to do anymore. I really appreciate anyone who took the time to read through this. I have plenty more examples of his abuse if anyone needs more, this was already a really long post so I didn't want to add more.
TL:DR My boss is abusive and has made several people quiet. I’m being overworked and not being equally compensated. How do I Get him fired?

Hello Friends,
I, like many of you own a small business LLC with about 8 Employees.
They work at the different job sites, so they never have to come in to a physical office to work.
However, I recently leased a personal 800 SF office space for me to do work and to seperate work from home life.
I have a desk, TV linked to my monitors on the wall in front of me, some chairs, and am in the process of filling out the space.
I would like to hang up some nice memorabilia / frames of company documentation to glance at and feel a little more at home and professional.
For example, a Law Office may have their Law Degree, their college degree, and other Law Awards they have gained over the years on their office wall.
I didn’t go to college - started this company when I was 18 and am blessed that it has worked out, so I am not sure what I should hang up?
The only one I am certain of is the Trademark Certificate for the business name. It looks wonderful and official.
Business licenses may look nice, as I have 6 of them in each city we service, but they are a bit odd in sizing and I’m not sure…
I thought about EIN formation letter, or anything like that but haven’t seen to come to something that makes sense!
Anyways, have some of you LLC owners had the same conundrum and found / decided what to hang in your office business-wise?
Looking forward to hear your advice and thoughts!

I'll go on record that I did not like Season 4 much at all, and I agree with a lot of its criticisms. WITH THAT SAID, I loved seasons 1-3, and since we don't need another S4 sucks post, I'm going to try my hand at explaining some of the seeming inconsistencies/contradictions/plot holes within a plausible framework for the show. I don't fully buy my own explanations here, for what it's worth, but I've got to reconcile my head canon somehow.
Why did Ruth approach the obvious Cartel SUV and get killed? Rachel had just killed one assassin, so it stands to reason that this was sicario numero dos. Ruth had a lot to live for at this point, so we can't chalk this foolishness up to her post-Wyatt nihilism; she had her record expunged and seemed excited to break the Langmore Curse and run a legitimate operation with her new BFF. But if Ruth had a defining characteristic, it was her reckless stubbornness. She was like her dad in that way, a shining example of survivorship bias. She often ran into problems head on and feared nothing--and for much of her life, it worked. Until it didn't, like with her dead-in-the-road dad.
What on earth was Mel the PI thinking? This one's a real head scratcher for me. Mel knows Wendy and Marty are connected to a large cartel and behind many missing persons. Hell, he figured out that Wendy was involved in Ben's death by linking her apparent drivebodyguard to the man he saw footage of at the diner; Maya identified Nelson to Mel as a "heavy" for the cartel. For all he knows, Nelson will be driving the Byrdes home from the gala and then setting up shop as protection. Even if he's not there, it's no stretch to consider he's close by. So, knowing that the Byrdes are cartel connected and that a "heavy" is one of their close associates, why is he all alone gloating in one of the most blatant examples of contrived exposition imaginable? It seems insane.
The way I reconcile this is that he knows the urn may not be admissible as evidence, since it was obtained illegally, and that it in and of itself won't be all that useful anyway--at best, it's evidence that the Byrdes were aware that Ben had died despite pretending he had been missing. So he needed more. What if he could get the Byrdes on tape/phone in a panic, admitting that yes, they killed Ben, and they'd do anything to prevent the news from getting out? Maybe the tape could be leveraged into something more--not blackmail on the Byrdes, per se, not evidence in a court room, but a way to pursue the case from the Chicago PD, especially since the Byrdes were relocating back there. That is, until Jonah kills him.
Speaking of which, why did Jonah do that? Wasn't he against his mom the whole season? He was, but maybe all that opposition, as Wendy said at one point, reflected teenage rebellion and angst. He does seem to be the moral compass of Season 4, but he is only 15 years old. He was eager to get back to his old life in Chicago and seemed relieved that this was all now behind him. He might be willing to kill for that future, especially at the goading of his desperate parents, and he's been living in a world where everyone draws guns on each other for basically any reason. I still don't buy it, but it's the best I can come up with.
Say, killing people, like Darlene. How did Javy even get in there? Even at their peak, the Snells didn't seem like much of a powerhouse. They're distributors, sure, and they probably made bank wholesaling in those hymnals, but they're a far cry from a drug cartel. By the time we get to Season 4, I'd imagine they lost a lot of their troops. Charismatic Jacob is dead, so that leaves crazy Darlene at the helm, and there's no way the Snell Army didn't know about her madness. She's also now living with some kid and appears to be locked in a power struggle with that kid's cousin. Worse, everyone knows that the cartel tried to assassinate the Snells, so they're obviously in deep with some dangerous folks. By the time Javy broke into their farmhouse, it's not hard for me to believe they had lost most of their muscle. Darlene even complained that some of her men had quit to go be meth dealers.
Why the f did Frank Cosgrove go to Darlene's alone? When Wyatt went to Ruth in exasperation and declared that Darlene killed Frank Cosgrove Sr, I laughed because it was just so absurd, another Wednesday with murderous Darlene. So folks wondered naturally why Frank went there by himself. He's in the KC mob after all, and since when do mob bosses not roll deep? Well, I don't think of him as running a "mob." We only see him holed up in an office in what looks to be a truck yard. I imagine he's no more than a union thug, the leader of a gang that doesn't even rise to the level of Glorified Crew.
I hate that the Byrdes got away with it. The writers had to shove the Byrdes' scot-free escape down our throats because they wanted, so badly, for the show to be about the power of privilege, and how with enough money and connections anyone can get away with anything. But if that's the takeaway message they wanted, then they don't really even know their own content.
The Byrdes are forever intertwined with an international drug cartel. They helped the former kingpin extend his empire, a kingpin who incidentally was murdered by the current kingpin. Cartels are not exactly stable organizations, and paranoid leaders can certainly go around killing anyone they think might compromise or threaten them. Gangsters don't need much reason to kill people. It's not much of a stretch for me to imagine, some years down the line, Camila wanting to renege on her deal with the FBI and reasoning that she has to murder anyone with knowledge of it--or thinking for five minutes and realizing that the Byrdes were involved with her son's death, and maybe even orchestrated it--or the next power-hungry thug who seizes control wanting to wipe out the preceding regime's allies--or a traditionalist who discovers leadership is working with federal agents.
One more. How did the cops not find the mountain of heroin when searching the Snell property? I got nothing for this one, sorry, except cops be lazy, and all that heroin would've been A LOT of paperwork.

We as a family don't often go out to eat primarily because of costs and that there's five of us. But for Mother's Day, Mom was already angry after work Friday and then Dad forgot to get her anything on Sunday and kind of grasped at straws to say his gift was dinner at a seafood place she really likes. So I do get that she was upset before everything.
I'm allergic to shellfish and eggs so we usually go to a certain place that takes especial care for allergens, even though it's slightly more expensive than a normal place, if we go as a family.
Mom and Dad had already been snippy with each other the days leading up but when he suggested that restaurant she kind of blew up on me that if not for me, that place would be fine, but because of my allergies we have to go to this one restaurant or nothing else or else we make the entire restaurant have to change everything just for me, and she doesn't want to make some poor worker have to deep scrub the place just so she can have the dinner she wants. She and Dad ended up going together that night but they were clearly still not 100% when they came back and still aren't. My older brother and sister both tried reassuring me that Mom is just stressed and I don't actually make things that much harder for everyone, but I still feel so sick and guilty that I haven't eaten more than toast since Mother's Day. This isn't the first time mom or dad have made comments like this. Dad once got really excited on a trip about having unlimited room service but he couldn't get the dish he wanted because of how small the room was and how he'd have to brush his teeth and wash his hands and clean up almost immediately, just to enjoy one dish. He sighed and said "I guess I'll go without because I love you" kind of joking but I never forgot it, or other times.
I just really - really - struggle with not feeling like I'm this gigantic, unwanted imposition on my family and the world around me. I feel like my friends resent the different cake or desserts at my birthday, or having to double check before I come over about what to serve, or like my family can't just pack up and go out to dinner or even vacation without care like other families can. We only have a few vacations a year and it's usually to a beach town with lots of seafood places, and because of my allergies we either don't go out to eat and cook the entire vacation (which mom hates because then she doesn't get a vacation) or we eat to go and I order a lot of salads because the fries could be done in the same oil as the clams for example.
I know I'm looking for reassurance but I'm open to the truth that I am causing more work for those around me.

Hamas in its October 7th attack, while true that some civilians were killed, attacked a significant number of military targets. Here's the official casualty figures, as put out by Israel:
Total killed: 1,143
Security Forces Killed: 376
This includes on duty police officers, military, and other professional security personnel -- all legitimate military targets.
Civilians: 767
IDF Reservists were included in this figure as "civilians," as well as Active Duty IDF soldiers that were not officially "on duty." Thus, it's a total distortion of the facts.
Out of those 767 "civilians," there were literally hundreds of IDF soldiers included in that number. Them being "off duty" does not take away from them being legitimate military targets, unless you also condemn Israel for targeting Hamas fighters when they are "off duty," and at home with their families, for example.
If Ukraine were to fly a drone into Russian territory, and strike a barracks full of Russian conscripts that were "off duty," and not currently engaged in active combat, this would be a legitimate attack, and not terrorism.
MY QUESTION TO THE PRO-ISRAELI SIDE IS THE FOLLOWING:
What does the ratio need to be for it to be not considered "terrorism?" What would those numbers need to look like?
Because it seems that pro-Israeli people want to make any armed resistance to Israel terrorism, or wrong and discredited by default. It doesn't matter if Hamas targets military targets or not, it will still always be labelled as "terrorism" and criticized it seems.
Also, keep in mind that even the official, disingenuous numbers, as listed by Israel, of 376 out of 1,143 is STILL a better ratio of military to civilians targeted than Israel's numbers.
There were also many Israeli civilians killed as a result of the IDF (Hannibal Directive). We don't know the actual numbers for this, but we know for a fact that many Israeli civilians were killed in "friendly fire" incidents, whether truly on accident, or deliberate, or both. This could very well be dozens or even hundreds.
The music festival was also an unaccounted for situation. There happened to be many more civilians in the area as a result. It's clear from the numbers, however, that Hamas' objectives were largely military. Any civilians that were truly civilians, as well as minors, are obviously tragedies, and I condemn those specific incidents. However, the revolutionary movement of the Palestinians, of which for better or worse Hamas is a key armed group, is not discredited because some injustices were committed. Unless you feel the IDF as a whole is completely discredited, and should lay down their arms as a result of their atrocities. What's good for one is good for the other.
The same standards should be used when assessing any belligerents in a conflict. The IDF doesn't gain special status, or the benefit of the doubt, or any other privileges not afforded to Hamas as well, just because they're "the good guys" and are fighting Hamas, who are "the bad guys." In war, both sides believe they are the good guys, and the other side are the bad guys, so that's not an objective reality. As such, the same standard must always be used, regardless of side.

Hello everyone, first want to express my gratitude to this forum which was such a beacon of hope and information during a turbulent few months of my pregnancy. Thank you to anyone who shared their experiences with high NT measurements and CVS! I want to share my experience as well to give another example of a happy ending after an abnormal NT result.
TL;DR NT of 4.0mm, after tons of testing (and sleepless nights) we got the all clear, baby boy was born healthy and perfect in mid April. He’s taking a nap next to me right now 🥰
For context, I’m a 30yo living in the US, first pregnancy, healthy overall and got pregnant naturally. I was hoping to have a home birth and as low-intervention prenatal care as possible (ha!)
August 13 - got a positive on a home pregnancy test. We were sooo happy and excited!
September 6 - first appointment with my midwife, saw baby’s heartbeat via ultrasound. After this, we started to tell close friends/family we were expecting.
September 29 - blood draw for cell-free DNA test
October 5 - received negative/low risk result on the cell-free DNA. Fetal fraction was 13% and the baby is a boy!
October 9 - appointment for my 12 week ultrasound. Baby was moving around a lot and the tech had a lot of trouble getting measurements. But eventually she got what she needed. I was sent home and while in the car driving home, I got a call from my midwife’s office. Baby’s NT measurement was 4.0mm and I was referred to MFM and genetic counseling. This was a huge shock. I pretty much cried the whole way home because I could only envision poor outcomes.
October 12 - first appointment with the genetic counselor. The three days between the ultrasound and this appointment felt like forever. The GC said with the NT of 4.0mm there was a 1 in 3 risk that the baby had a chromosomal or structural defect. The probabilities I was given were if something was wrong, 70% of the time it’s chromosomal/genetic, 20% of the time it’s heart issues, and 10% of the time it’s miscarriage/stillbirth. I never really registered that 1 in 3 means that there’s a 2 in 3 chance that everything is fine! Anyway, I was booked for a CVS to investigate the genetic piece further. My husband and I also did carrier testing per the recommendation of the GC. I was also advised to have an early anatomy ultrasound at 16 weeks and a fetal echo and 20 weeks.
This is when the looooong limbo period began. I didn’t want to think about my pregnancy at all because I was pretty convinced I wouldn’t end up having the baby. I took the ultrasound photos down off the fridge and put all the baby stuff we had bought in a box. I also stopped telling people our pregnancy news - I wasn’t going to get anyone else’s hopes up until we had certainty that the baby was healthy. I too a few days off work to cry. It was rough.
October 16 - CVS, transabdominal since my placenta was anterior. It was not fun but also not horrible. If I had to do it for a future pregnancy, I would do it again. I have a serious fear of needles so the GC recommended I bring headphones and listen to music during the procedure. That was awesome advice and I just turned the volume up and tuned out (and squeezed my husband’s hand) while the OB did her thing.
October 18 - got a call from the GC, normal karyotype 👍 this was not a huge surprise since I got the low-risk cfDNA result. But still reassuring.
October 24 - got carrier testing results back, we aren’t carriers for anything
November 7 - Early anatomy scan at 16 weeks. Everything looked normal! “Specifically, there were no cardiac defects or other anomalies associated with an increased NT. The nuchal fold was normal at 3.0 mm.” Unsure how the nuchal fold (which is not exactly the same thing as NT) was 3.0mm 🤷‍♀️ seems like it had shrunk? We never got a good answer on this.
November 22 - “Normal constitutional chromosomal SNP microarray results from chorionic villi” - this result came back about 5 weeks after the CVS. The waiting was pretty terrible to be honest.
November 28 - Fetal echo and 20-week anatomy scan. This appointment was at the children’s hospital with the OB from MFM plus a pediatric cardiologist. Baby’s heart looked perfect on the echo. Anatomy scan looked totally normal as well. Still waiting on the Noonan panel results but I felt like after this appointment (and nearly 3 months after the initial high NT results) I felt like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
December 5 - negative for Noonan 🎉
It seems the increased NT was just a random anomaly and I was released from MFM and continued my prenatal care with my midwife. Baby boy was born at 38+6, happy and healthy! He is the cutest thing ever and somehow made the chaotic 2nd trimester worth it.
Happy to answer any questions about my experience. If you find yourself in this position, I’m sending you a big hug and positive vibes ❤️