Stomach pain after eating glass
Smasyndrome
2020.06.26 16:34 spergthrowaway90210 Smasyndrome
a support group for people suffering from superior mesenteric artery syndrome, or Wilkie's syndrome as it used to be called. Smas is a deformity of the stomach which occurs when the fat pad resting between the superior mesenteric artery and duodenum is lost, causing the artery to constrict the stomach. Common symptoms of SMAS consist of: -unexplained/extreme weight loss -chronic abdominal pain -vomiting/diarrhea -lack of hunger -pain when eating or even laying/sitting in certain positions
2010.04.21 22:11 smckenzie23 Barefoot & Minimalist running
A community of barefoot and minimalist runners.
2013.05.13 11:21 myfavor8throwaway Surviving Infidelity
Welcome to Surviving Infidelity. If you're here, it's because you are surviving, or have survived, infidelity in a relationship that you thought was life-long. This is a support sub, a safe place to ask for advice and guidance. Regardless of your decision to stay in your relationship or to go, we are here to support you on your path to recovery. We ask that you please read our sub rules before posting.
2024.05.16 23:12 GlassProfessional172 What could be wrong?
Hi everyone! I took my cat on Friday to the emergency vet after she had thrown up, was hiding in the closet, and was having some weird symptoms with constipation etc. they did some blood work to test for kidney disease and everything came back normal. They sent her home with some gabapentin for the pain and miralax. I work at an animal shelter and am in communication with our vet there so I relayed the info. The next day as she still didn’t use the bathroom, I brought her to the vet I know. She did x rays and gave fluids etc. the next day she did use the bathroom and her bum seemed a little sore, as expected. Fast forward to now, she hasn’t pooped again in 24 hours and is sneezing non stop with no other symptoms. She is eating and drinking water just fine. Thoughts? I may just be worrying as I’m a big worrier when it comes to her lol.
submitted by GlassProfessional172 to catcare [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 23:11 Weathers_Writing They call Silicon Valley the tech capitol of the world. They're wrong
I won't disclose its actual location, so if that's why you're here, sorry to disappoint. It's not time for that yet. However, I do think it's time to start getting the word out. I've noticed an increase in what I'll call "Antennas" lately, or people who can detect cross-planar phase shifts. Without getting into all the math (some of which I don't even know), this is basically a phenomenon which refers to entropy seeping into our universe from other realms or universes or whatever you want to call it. Simply put, people think our universe is a closed system to entropy, meaning that the disorder of any variable in our universe can only increase or decrease in direct proportion to other variables in that same system (the universe). Under this precept, we can establish rules like the Laws of Thermodynamics, and for most people, they're effective. But not for Antennas.
Put another way, if you throw a bunch of bouncy balls into a box, there are a number of different configurations that the balls could take on, with different speeds and magnitudes. You can calculate all of those if you have the right numbers. Now let's say you throw in another set of balls that you don't consider in your calculations of the initial set. Well, then you're not going to get an accurate picture of what's happening. Most people only see the first set and calculate based on that, but some people can see two, three, four or more sets.
You'll understand the concept better when I tell you the story, but I wanted to give you a primer on an important concept that will help you understand why this place, which I'll call "Area X", exists, and what the goals of the people who work there are.
Also note that I'm going to be using the alias "Trent" moving forward. Please refer to me as such in any direct messages.
***
Eighteen years ago I started working as an independent Home Inspector. I dropped out of community college after my first semester (not because I didn't find some of the subjects interesting, but because deference to a man or woman has never been my style) and started working some odd jobs. I did construction work for a couple years, then plumbing. I even drove a garbage truck for six months. I've always found pleasure in using my hands, and getting dirty was never a problem for me. Still, having a boss really dragged ass, so I spent my free time working on creating my own business. It took a few years and lots of savings, but I finally managed to get basic set of Home Inspection equipment: Tyvek coveralls, a cheap half-face respirator, voltage & AFCI/GFCI testers, CO2 and radon monitors, an IR camera, and telescoping mirrors in addition to the boots, safety glasses, electric gloves, ladder, and toolkits I already had on hand.
My buddy at the time was in the business, but he was moving off to the coast, so he helped me get set up and even introduced me to some of his clients. Of course, by that time I had already gotten my State license, but I still was a bit apprehensive to work with insurance agencies. I thought I could make a living working independently, inspecting for mold or sizing up a house for a prospective buyer. Eventually, though, I realized I should probably take every job available to me.
Easing into the business went about as well as it could have. The clients my friend referred to me were very satisfied with my work, and I was able to retain them. Then, in order to increase my reach, I hired someone on Fiverr to build a website for my company which led to a marked increase in traffic and conversions. About six months through, I began to get on a first-name basis with the boys and girls down down at Allstate and Progressive, and they fed me some of the bigger cases. In fact, I got so booked by year's end that I had to hire someone to help manage my schedule and the Excel spreadsheet with all my finances. I capped off a successful year with a 5-star Google rating and a trip to Ireland to visit some family and friends and get piss drunk. When I got back, it was the grindstone all over again, until the summer when I discovered… well, you'll see.
First off, I want to say that I was never one to believe in the paranormal. I grew up watching the movies and hearing the ghost stories round the campfire like every other kid, but it never struck a chord with me. If I can't touch it or see it or hear it, does it really exist? Probably not. So don't go thinking this was a scared man seeing his own shadow. That being said, I had this sense that something was off about this house when I parked along the curb and looked through a large window, perhaps two times the size of my van, to a dingy, dark foyer.
The entire neighborhood was stacked with upper-middle class domiciles, though it seemed like only two thirds of them were occupied, mostly by professionals who commuted to the City every weekday, and the rest were empty. As a man who understands real estate, to say this was strange would be an understatement. Still, I had no problem appraising the mini-mansion for a couple of newlyweds looking to enter the community. I did some research on the property ahead of time, and it seems that it was owned by a couple of old timers who had gone off the grid some time ago. The water and electric bill were both unpaid dating back to 2004 (it was June of '06 now). The bank had repo'd the house (which only had about 100k left on it) and held it for a year and a half before putting it back on the market. I tried to find out more about the old couple who vanished, but there was nothing in the news.
I stepped out of the van in my coveralls and grabbed my suitcase which had my mask, gloves, and eye protection in it. I liked to do a preliminary survey first, running an eye test on the exterior then interior before bringing out the big guns (that way I could identify the areas where I think there could be problems instead of running a metal detector over the whole damn ocean seaboard). I was about to do just that when the window caught my eye again. It felt uncharacteristic of me to be so occupied with this window, but I detoured to the front porch and peeked inside anyway.
Most of the furniture had already been moved out, meaning all that was left was a single three-seater couch, a couple candlesticks on the fireplace mantle, a pristine chandelier overtop a dining room table, and the kitchenware: an oven, gas stovetop, marble countertops, and an island. I could see into the living room very clearly with the afternoon light, but the dining room was dim enough that there were a few structures I couldn't quite make out in the distance. One of them appeared to be some kind of china cabinet or bookshelf—I figured it was the former considering where it was located. The other shadow looked kind of like a grandfather clock. Or at least that's what I thought until it moved.
When I say it "moved", I don't mean to say that it picked up and walked away. If you're not familiar with the Necker Cube, I suggest you search it up, because that kind of illusion is the best way to describe what I saw. At first I was seeing the grandfather clock in a certain way—pushed into the corner of the room—and the next second my vision "corrected" and it was maybe five feet to the left of its former position. I shook my head and looked again and saw the grandfather clock in its second orientation, standing in the center of the room against the wall. I figured I was just seeing things, but even so I spent a little extra time dawdling around the Egress window, taking notes, and delaying the interior inspection.
When I finally grew a pair and went inside, I walked straight to the dining room. Sure enough, the grandfather clock was stowed away in the corner of the room. I spent a couple minutes watching it with my pencil and travel notebook out. I'm the kind of guy that likes to collect hard data when the chips are down. Unfortunately, the clock apparently already had enough fun and was content with sweating me. Oh, well.
I fitted my pencil behind my ear and pocketed my travel notebook, then flipped the rest of the first floor lights on and completed my prelim. I concluded that everything was pretty standard. If anything, the house was in better shape than I'd expect considering it presumably hasn't been lived in for a couple years. I say "presumably" because one can never count out squatters, even during those times. Mainly I was expecting more dust build up and cobwebs than there were. Perhaps someone from the department had come by recently. It's unlikely, but possible.
I did the same check upstairs and it came back mostly clean. There was a bit of staining near the attic I wanted to check for mold. Based on its color, it was probably just a minor case of Aspergillus, but better safe than sorry. Then I got to the basement, and, well, let's just count out the idea of anyone dropping by. I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't what I found.
The first thing that caught my eye was the long, slender body of a birch tree lying pale and dead across a large portion of the even larger unfinished basement's cement flooring. I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't dreaming, but, yep, there it was. Its crown was sealed up in the wall with only its trunk hanging out, which made me think of those medieval pillory devices which locked up people's heads and arms. Then confetti-scattered around the tree and all over the basement floor was a minefield of broken glass and ceramic tangled up with a set of random objects. And when I say random, I mean random. There was an unfurled Somali flag (the blue one with a single star in the center), some packaged drinks and condiments branded with all sorts of different languages (I could only make out Gaelic and Chinese or Japanese, I couldn't quite tell), a broken dome-shaped security camera, an otoscope (the thing the doc uses to check your ears), Hot Wheels cars (okay that one isn't so strange), and the list goes on.
At that moment, I wasn't freaked out or disgusted. I was more or less just confused. I started walking through the rubble, trying to avoid the sharp fragments but pretty confident that my steel toed boots would crush most the pieces anyway, when I heard a clink just up ahead. I was able to spot the coin in time, just before it jingled to a halt atop an old Life magazine. I picked it up and noted right away its oval shape and bronze color—clearly not American made. I tried reading it, but not only was the language not English, it appeared to be so old that most of the lettering had been filed down. I looked up at the ceiling to see if it dropped from a shelf, but there was nothing that could have been holding the coin. I considered for a moment, looking around at the other junk, and had the crazy idea that maybe all this stuff just appeared here. I popped the coin in my pocket and headed back to the van when I stopped by the tree and realized something. It wasn't a birch tree—it was a palm tree. I just didn't realize because of how ashy and decayed the bark was.
Now at this point you might think I've been acting a little nonchalant for such a strange occurrence, and I don't blame you, but if you're gonna stick around with me that's just something you're gonna have to get used to. I guess I was just born with a screw loose, but I really don't scare easily, and I tend to look at everything pragmatically. If you dig deep enough, you'll always find another plausible explanation. That being said, I do want to get to the part about Area X, so let me give you the rundown on what I learned about this basement.
I ended up trekking back to the van and picking up my gear. I was no longer running the routine inspection, obviously, but I figured I might as well throw 30 thousand dollars of scanning equipment at whatever the fuck anamoly existed in that basement. Most of it came back negative. There was a bit higher-than-usual EM interference as picked up on the voltmeters, but nothing that screamed danger close. Still, it was enough for me to set up my volt testers and IR camera while muddling through the rest of the junk. I won't bore you with another list of items, but I did find one thing of value: a diamond necklace. And not just any diamond necklace, it was one of those Queen-wearing, multi-row, big-jeweled necklaces like out of some Historical Fiction movie from the thirties. I almost didn't pocket it because I'm used to expensive items being owned by someone… someone who might want it back. But I figured if there was ever a place the finder's keeper's rule applied, it was probably in this Quantum graveyard.
7 O'clock rolled around and I hadn't eaten. I'm a pretty bulky guy, carrying my share of both muscle and fat, and most people think that means I need to eat a ton but that's really not the case. Mostly I just get dehydrated easily, especially in the summer. That said, I was bordering on famished territory and considered heading out for a bite when I heard another sound. The first thing I did was check my scanners, and sure enough the voltage needle was fully spun to the right side of the dial. EM interference. Then I went to see what had dropped. I was able to pick the object out pretty quickly since I had spent the last 6 hours staring at the mosaic of a basement floor. It was a silver briefcase, like one of those out of a crime novel, and it was cracked open.
I had this sense then that I was standing at a precipice, and if I opened the briefcase and looked inside, I wouldn't be able to stop whatever would come afterwards. Part of me deep down knew that I was just that type of guy that had to know, and maybe this was my Hamlet moment where it would be a trait gone a step too far. But then again I didn't really believe in any of that sentimental bullshit, so I opened the briefcase.
The gun surprised me a little, but not as much as the piece of paper laid atop a case file reading in large black font, "FIND ME". I expected the envelope to have some missing person file in it, but instead there were all these schematics and blueprints for some kind of device. Whatever it was, it was pretty massive. Some of the lengths were hundreds of meters long. And what's more strange is based on the blueprint's locale, it appeared to be underground. I looked back through the pages a couple times, then checked the note—nothing strange there. The gun appeared to be a simple glock. I was no gun expert, but I had been to the range pretty regularly with my construction buddies, so I got used to the feel of a pistol and rifle and some of the different names; however, I realized pretty quickly it wasn't your standard glock when I couldn't find mag-release. That's when I noticed how light the gun felt. I tried to chamber a round, but again, there was no hammer. What the hell kind of gun was this?
I ended up throwing everything back in the briefcase, including the necklace, coin, and a few Koozies I found that were branded with one of my favorite sports teams (never let an opportunity go to waste). I put up all my shit back in the van and spun over to a local burger joint, got my fill, and went home. I made sure to draft an email to the prospective buyers, telling them the house had several patches of black mold and a bit of a rat problem before drifting off to sleep. Although I really didn't do much of that.
When I woke up, I took a cold shower and downed a can of Reign, then commuted to my gym and got a lift and some sauna time in before making the trip back to the house. I brought some extra supplies with me for some experiments I cooked up while not sleeping the previous night.
First, I had two camcorders set up on a couple tripods in either corner of the basement. I wanted clear footage of these mystery objects spawning in. Then I set up a voltmeter in a similar fashion, but I had a wire extending out of it on a circuit which fed to an alarm that would blare when the reading was over 250 volts. Upstairs, I rearranged some of the furniture so that the small number of tables, chairs, clock, cabinets, and other little pillows or vases I could find were scattered across the living room, dining room, and kitchen. Then I pulled up a lawn chair to the front porch window and waited.
I didn't have to wait long though. In about a minute, I started to notice some of the objects moving. It was strange. When a few of them would shift simultaneously, it was like looking at a holographic card that would change shape depending on where your eyes were in relation to the image. Every time I saw a shift, I felt an awkward feeling in my eyes. They went blurry for a fraction of a second, then there was a twinge of pain, as if my brain couldn't handle the contradictory stimulus. It didn't get more crazy than that though—until the alarm went off.
I had cracked open the small rectangular window in the basement to the side of the house so I would hear it. It took four hours and several strange stares from passersby walking their dogs before it rang, so I was a bit lost in my thoughts, but when I heard the beep I perked up fast. It lasted for maybe 5 seconds total, but what I saw was truly miraculous. The best way I can describe it is a pool of silver or gray or translucent light emerging in the foreground between me and the objects in the different rooms. A series of twisting tentacles sprouted from the gray octopus-like head and spun in a way that reminded me of that little kids ride at the amusement parks. Then the objects started to "heat up" is the way I describe it. Their position became relative, meaning they were here one second, there another, then they popped out of existence entirely. Suddenly the rooms were all empty, then they were full of things I had never seen before. Then five seconds passed and the octopus vanished and it was back to the same old objects in their usual places.
It took a few minutes to process what I saw, and even then I wasn't sure I really saw it. I went inside and looked around at my distribution of the house's furnishings. They were all there, intact. Then I went downstairs to check the cams. I rewinded a couple minutes and played it back, but there was no flying object to be found. Instead, there was some gray static that lasted half a second and then the object, a kid's treasure chest toy, was there on the ground. But you want to know the really strange part? I rewinded the tape again, and when I watched the footage back, the treasure chest was always there.
I later came to understand that these poppings in-and-out of our reality are only conceivable to a conscious mind that can track the interference patterns—not rote computational instruments. In fact, even most people can't do it (although everyone has at least a slight awareness of it, even if only subconsciously). Plus, locations like the basement of this house are very rare and kept under tight lock. That became obvious to me two days later when, after my normal morning routine, I pulled up to a driveway and curbside filled with unmarked government vehicles. Either bravely or stupidly, I pulled up to a few officers (they were wearing suits in 85 degree weather, so I assumed…) who were idling by the large fence of crime scene tape and asked them what the score was.
"There was a crime," said the short man with a unibrow.
"Oh, is that right? Damn shame. Someone break in? I have a niece who lives nearby, so…"
The man looked at his two compatriots, both of whom were wearing sunglasses and a "get this civilian fuck out of here" expressions. "Oh, yeah," he started in a reassuring tone that was so condescending it would have annoyed anyone except me, "we found a body. We think it was a homicide. Best to keep your kids away from here for a while."
I thumbed the stubble on my chin, my other hand outstretched on the wheel, and considered moving on, but my mouth had other ideas. "That right? But uh, isn't this house vacant? I mean, I don't remember no one living in it."
The short man, now tall with temper, said, "Yeah, some squatters. We think there was a dispute over some drug money. Nothing for you to worry about though, we got it under control. Now if you wouldn't mind moving along, we have a lot of work to do."
Oh, I'm sure you do, I thought, but only said, "Of course, sir, sorry for keeping you from your job." Then I rolled up the window and cruised on, keeping my eyes on the house which slowly diminished in the side-view mirror.
Luckily I had been smart enough to break down my camp and lug home all my equipment each night, so I didn't leave anything incriminating. I didn't move the furniture back, so maybe that would come back to haunt me, but considering the kind of shit going down in that house, I didn't think they would notice.
For any of you wondering about the conclusion of the house story, I went back a couple weeks later after the suits had left and the tape was taken down and confirmed that not only was the basement entirely cleaned out, but it was no longer exhibiting any strange properties. I looked for a story related to the house, maybe a made up murder of some kind, but there was nothing. That bastard lied to me and didn't even bother to cover his story up.
Now, in the aftermath of an event such as this, I really only had one of two options. I could forget it, move on, continue living life. The necklace was surely worth a fortune. I could sell it and have enough to retire, or at least hire enough people and expand my business large enough to retire within ten or so years. Or I could take all that money and invest it in my own PI business with only a single objective: finding out what those people knew, and why they were hiding it.
I think you know me well enough by now to guess which line of reasoning appealed more to me.
***
For the sake of brevity, I'm going to omit most of my encounters along the journey to discovering Area X. There's a lot to tell, and if it appeals to you perhaps I'd be willing to share at a later date, but for now I want to get this part of the story, the more proximal part, out in the open.
Three years ago, I discovered the source of what I'll call "The Receiver". This is the device that was schematized in the documents that I found in the briefcase. What it does is a complex answer, and how it does it is pretty much all speculation, but here's what I've been able to find out: this universe we live in is a node in a network of many other spaces. These spaces exist in higher dimensions that we cannot directly perceive, but using a conceivable analogy, just think about a flower with petals. The petals are these other dimensions which bleed into our world, which is at the center. However, it's not that pretty. We see the physical world through the lens of spacetime: sizes, speeds, etc. These other dimensions don't necessarily have space or time. In fact, what actually exists there, I couldn't say. The only data I have on them is from two sources: correspondence information and server data from the secret agency (which I'll call "the Organization") that keeps this under wraps, and first-hand experience with realms from these other entities, either directly (I experience it) or through the eyes of someone else with the same or greater abilities than I possess.
I referred to these people with abilities earlier as "Antennas", and I will continue to use the term. Antennas really come in three flavors, marked by the strength of their ability: weak Antennas, like me, are able to observe spontaneous interactions between our universe and other dimensions (phase shifts) when there is a strong force of collision like existed in the basement; moderate Antennas may see phase shifts occur at any point, and they usually are able to retain memories from across the different transformations; strong Antennas, and I don't know if they exist yet, but they are able to consciously interact with these other realms and cause phase shifts to occur.
I mentioned that moderate Antennas are able to retain memories from before and after a phase shift. Technically, all Antennas have this ability, but it's about degree. I can recall only very specific instances and without much detail. Moderates are usually able to pick out much more nuanced minutiae. At the lower end of moderate scale, most of those details fade or get fuzzy over time, but for the very strong Antennas, they hold onto almost everything. One other property that scales with strength is interaction with other conscious entities. Only a small percentage of moderates are able to do this. What's interesting is that these entities can possess (yes, like ghosts) people who aren't even antennas, but no one is aware of such possession at this deep of a level. I have several companions now, and only two have had interactions with these otherworldly beings. Not all of them are malevolent, some of them are whimsical or kind, but there are a fair share of demons out there.
Getting back to the point, Area X started as a government funded project in the 70's. At that time, they were focused on a few subjects: Artificial Intelligence, DNA sequencing, and psychedelics. Yes, they were part of the infamous LSD experiments. But they looked at these subjects through a common lens—there was something that the burgeoning tech industry, fueled by the advent of a commercial computer market, was missing. As the tech giants rose in the early 2000's and began to collect mass amounts of data, this other agency was decades ahead in a different metric, although it was completely (and still is) hidden from the public. Their efforts to understand psychedelic experiences led to a formalized method of understanding interactions between multiple realities. They built certain scanning equipment to detect anomalies like the one I found in the basement; although their tools were much more sophisticated and didn't utilize voltage readings. Then they ran tests in these areas. One area in particular is a hot-bed of phase shift interactions. That's where Area X is located (and the Receiver).
The Receiver is a giant electromagnetic orb that has trapped the kind of multi-dimensional energy that causes the phase shifts; since the Organization seized control of the lab, it's effectively become a map of the Earth in relation to these other worlds. For the past twenty or so years, the Organization has been studying this map, using the data big Tech companies have collected to essentially develop a Rosetta Stone for interpreting the meaning of the fluctuations in their scanning equipment. Recently, the public, though going the long way round, was actually pretty close to a breakthrough in this same department until recently when ultra-powerful LLMs surfaced, and the whole world began going down what I'd argue is the wrong rabbit hole of language processing. But I digress.
Area X is essentially a private military base built for defending the most impactful piece of technology ever invented. With the Receiver, the Organization now has the power to essentially predict any and all future outcomes, the only thing holding them back is the limitations of their own scanning equipment which will get better with time. To put it into perspective, the Organization has access to a kind of data allocation tool which in one day can produce over ten thousand times that the Big Data companies combined would be able to filter through in the next decade. You might think, then, that the problem is merely asymmetric power, and that is certainly a concern, but it isn't the main concern. The main issue is that this organization is actively recruiting (and kidnapping) Antennas from around the world in an effort to find or make one of them into a strong Antenna. In other words, they want a subject who is able not only to see the future, but to manipulate it at will.
balance to the world. I've been working on amassing resources, capital, and building my own team, and now I'm ready. You might ask why I'm posting this here. Wouldn't it be better to keep all this secret? Well, yes, it would be. But that's the problem. Nothing is secret anymore. They know about me and the others, and if I don't make a move, they will. In a way, this is a letter directly to the organization that I know, and I'm coming.
In a different way, I wanted to release this information to the public. There are lots of people out there waking up and realizing that the world they experience is not the one others experience. If you think you might be an Antenna, don't be afraid—you have a special gift that can be controlled. If you want more details on how to control it, or if you're interested in my mission, don't be afraid to reach out. This hasn't always been my life's work, but it is now.
At least until I die.
submitted by Weathers_Writing to weatherswriting [link] [comments]
Put another way, if you throw a bunch of bouncy balls into a box, there are a number of different configurations that the balls could take on, with different speeds and magnitudes. You can calculate all of those if you have the right numbers. Now let's say you throw in another set of balls that you don't consider in your calculations of the initial set. Well, then you're not going to get an accurate picture of what's happening. Most people only see the first set and calculate based on that, but some people can see two, three, four or more sets.
You'll understand the concept better when I tell you the story, but I wanted to give you a primer on an important concept that will help you understand why this place, which I'll call "Area X", exists, and what the goals of the people who work there are.
Also note that I'm going to be using the alias "Trent" moving forward. Please refer to me as such in any direct messages.
***
Eighteen years ago I started working as an independent Home Inspector. I dropped out of community college after my first semester (not because I didn't find some of the subjects interesting, but because deference to a man or woman has never been my style) and started working some odd jobs. I did construction work for a couple years, then plumbing. I even drove a garbage truck for six months. I've always found pleasure in using my hands, and getting dirty was never a problem for me. Still, having a boss really dragged ass, so I spent my free time working on creating my own business. It took a few years and lots of savings, but I finally managed to get basic set of Home Inspection equipment: Tyvek coveralls, a cheap half-face respirator, voltage & AFCI/GFCI testers, CO2 and radon monitors, an IR camera, and telescoping mirrors in addition to the boots, safety glasses, electric gloves, ladder, and toolkits I already had on hand.
My buddy at the time was in the business, but he was moving off to the coast, so he helped me get set up and even introduced me to some of his clients. Of course, by that time I had already gotten my State license, but I still was a bit apprehensive to work with insurance agencies. I thought I could make a living working independently, inspecting for mold or sizing up a house for a prospective buyer. Eventually, though, I realized I should probably take every job available to me.
Easing into the business went about as well as it could have. The clients my friend referred to me were very satisfied with my work, and I was able to retain them. Then, in order to increase my reach, I hired someone on Fiverr to build a website for my company which led to a marked increase in traffic and conversions. About six months through, I began to get on a first-name basis with the boys and girls down down at Allstate and Progressive, and they fed me some of the bigger cases. In fact, I got so booked by year's end that I had to hire someone to help manage my schedule and the Excel spreadsheet with all my finances. I capped off a successful year with a 5-star Google rating and a trip to Ireland to visit some family and friends and get piss drunk. When I got back, it was the grindstone all over again, until the summer when I discovered… well, you'll see.
First off, I want to say that I was never one to believe in the paranormal. I grew up watching the movies and hearing the ghost stories round the campfire like every other kid, but it never struck a chord with me. If I can't touch it or see it or hear it, does it really exist? Probably not. So don't go thinking this was a scared man seeing his own shadow. That being said, I had this sense that something was off about this house when I parked along the curb and looked through a large window, perhaps two times the size of my van, to a dingy, dark foyer.
The entire neighborhood was stacked with upper-middle class domiciles, though it seemed like only two thirds of them were occupied, mostly by professionals who commuted to the City every weekday, and the rest were empty. As a man who understands real estate, to say this was strange would be an understatement. Still, I had no problem appraising the mini-mansion for a couple of newlyweds looking to enter the community. I did some research on the property ahead of time, and it seems that it was owned by a couple of old timers who had gone off the grid some time ago. The water and electric bill were both unpaid dating back to 2004 (it was June of '06 now). The bank had repo'd the house (which only had about 100k left on it) and held it for a year and a half before putting it back on the market. I tried to find out more about the old couple who vanished, but there was nothing in the news.
I stepped out of the van in my coveralls and grabbed my suitcase which had my mask, gloves, and eye protection in it. I liked to do a preliminary survey first, running an eye test on the exterior then interior before bringing out the big guns (that way I could identify the areas where I think there could be problems instead of running a metal detector over the whole damn ocean seaboard). I was about to do just that when the window caught my eye again. It felt uncharacteristic of me to be so occupied with this window, but I detoured to the front porch and peeked inside anyway.
Most of the furniture had already been moved out, meaning all that was left was a single three-seater couch, a couple candlesticks on the fireplace mantle, a pristine chandelier overtop a dining room table, and the kitchenware: an oven, gas stovetop, marble countertops, and an island. I could see into the living room very clearly with the afternoon light, but the dining room was dim enough that there were a few structures I couldn't quite make out in the distance. One of them appeared to be some kind of china cabinet or bookshelf—I figured it was the former considering where it was located. The other shadow looked kind of like a grandfather clock. Or at least that's what I thought until it moved.
When I say it "moved", I don't mean to say that it picked up and walked away. If you're not familiar with the Necker Cube, I suggest you search it up, because that kind of illusion is the best way to describe what I saw. At first I was seeing the grandfather clock in a certain way—pushed into the corner of the room—and the next second my vision "corrected" and it was maybe five feet to the left of its former position. I shook my head and looked again and saw the grandfather clock in its second orientation, standing in the center of the room against the wall. I figured I was just seeing things, but even so I spent a little extra time dawdling around the Egress window, taking notes, and delaying the interior inspection.
When I finally grew a pair and went inside, I walked straight to the dining room. Sure enough, the grandfather clock was stowed away in the corner of the room. I spent a couple minutes watching it with my pencil and travel notebook out. I'm the kind of guy that likes to collect hard data when the chips are down. Unfortunately, the clock apparently already had enough fun and was content with sweating me. Oh, well.
I fitted my pencil behind my ear and pocketed my travel notebook, then flipped the rest of the first floor lights on and completed my prelim. I concluded that everything was pretty standard. If anything, the house was in better shape than I'd expect considering it presumably hasn't been lived in for a couple years. I say "presumably" because one can never count out squatters, even during those times. Mainly I was expecting more dust build up and cobwebs than there were. Perhaps someone from the department had come by recently. It's unlikely, but possible.
I did the same check upstairs and it came back mostly clean. There was a bit of staining near the attic I wanted to check for mold. Based on its color, it was probably just a minor case of Aspergillus, but better safe than sorry. Then I got to the basement, and, well, let's just count out the idea of anyone dropping by. I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't what I found.
The first thing that caught my eye was the long, slender body of a birch tree lying pale and dead across a large portion of the even larger unfinished basement's cement flooring. I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't dreaming, but, yep, there it was. Its crown was sealed up in the wall with only its trunk hanging out, which made me think of those medieval pillory devices which locked up people's heads and arms. Then confetti-scattered around the tree and all over the basement floor was a minefield of broken glass and ceramic tangled up with a set of random objects. And when I say random, I mean random. There was an unfurled Somali flag (the blue one with a single star in the center), some packaged drinks and condiments branded with all sorts of different languages (I could only make out Gaelic and Chinese or Japanese, I couldn't quite tell), a broken dome-shaped security camera, an otoscope (the thing the doc uses to check your ears), Hot Wheels cars (okay that one isn't so strange), and the list goes on.
At that moment, I wasn't freaked out or disgusted. I was more or less just confused. I started walking through the rubble, trying to avoid the sharp fragments but pretty confident that my steel toed boots would crush most the pieces anyway, when I heard a clink just up ahead. I was able to spot the coin in time, just before it jingled to a halt atop an old Life magazine. I picked it up and noted right away its oval shape and bronze color—clearly not American made. I tried reading it, but not only was the language not English, it appeared to be so old that most of the lettering had been filed down. I looked up at the ceiling to see if it dropped from a shelf, but there was nothing that could have been holding the coin. I considered for a moment, looking around at the other junk, and had the crazy idea that maybe all this stuff just appeared here. I popped the coin in my pocket and headed back to the van when I stopped by the tree and realized something. It wasn't a birch tree—it was a palm tree. I just didn't realize because of how ashy and decayed the bark was.
Now at this point you might think I've been acting a little nonchalant for such a strange occurrence, and I don't blame you, but if you're gonna stick around with me that's just something you're gonna have to get used to. I guess I was just born with a screw loose, but I really don't scare easily, and I tend to look at everything pragmatically. If you dig deep enough, you'll always find another plausible explanation. That being said, I do want to get to the part about Area X, so let me give you the rundown on what I learned about this basement.
I ended up trekking back to the van and picking up my gear. I was no longer running the routine inspection, obviously, but I figured I might as well throw 30 thousand dollars of scanning equipment at whatever the fuck anamoly existed in that basement. Most of it came back negative. There was a bit higher-than-usual EM interference as picked up on the voltmeters, but nothing that screamed danger close. Still, it was enough for me to set up my volt testers and IR camera while muddling through the rest of the junk. I won't bore you with another list of items, but I did find one thing of value: a diamond necklace. And not just any diamond necklace, it was one of those Queen-wearing, multi-row, big-jeweled necklaces like out of some Historical Fiction movie from the thirties. I almost didn't pocket it because I'm used to expensive items being owned by someone… someone who might want it back. But I figured if there was ever a place the finder's keeper's rule applied, it was probably in this Quantum graveyard.
7 O'clock rolled around and I hadn't eaten. I'm a pretty bulky guy, carrying my share of both muscle and fat, and most people think that means I need to eat a ton but that's really not the case. Mostly I just get dehydrated easily, especially in the summer. That said, I was bordering on famished territory and considered heading out for a bite when I heard another sound. The first thing I did was check my scanners, and sure enough the voltage needle was fully spun to the right side of the dial. EM interference. Then I went to see what had dropped. I was able to pick the object out pretty quickly since I had spent the last 6 hours staring at the mosaic of a basement floor. It was a silver briefcase, like one of those out of a crime novel, and it was cracked open.
I had this sense then that I was standing at a precipice, and if I opened the briefcase and looked inside, I wouldn't be able to stop whatever would come afterwards. Part of me deep down knew that I was just that type of guy that had to know, and maybe this was my Hamlet moment where it would be a trait gone a step too far. But then again I didn't really believe in any of that sentimental bullshit, so I opened the briefcase.
The gun surprised me a little, but not as much as the piece of paper laid atop a case file reading in large black font, "FIND ME". I expected the envelope to have some missing person file in it, but instead there were all these schematics and blueprints for some kind of device. Whatever it was, it was pretty massive. Some of the lengths were hundreds of meters long. And what's more strange is based on the blueprint's locale, it appeared to be underground. I looked back through the pages a couple times, then checked the note—nothing strange there. The gun appeared to be a simple glock. I was no gun expert, but I had been to the range pretty regularly with my construction buddies, so I got used to the feel of a pistol and rifle and some of the different names; however, I realized pretty quickly it wasn't your standard glock when I couldn't find mag-release. That's when I noticed how light the gun felt. I tried to chamber a round, but again, there was no hammer. What the hell kind of gun was this?
I ended up throwing everything back in the briefcase, including the necklace, coin, and a few Koozies I found that were branded with one of my favorite sports teams (never let an opportunity go to waste). I put up all my shit back in the van and spun over to a local burger joint, got my fill, and went home. I made sure to draft an email to the prospective buyers, telling them the house had several patches of black mold and a bit of a rat problem before drifting off to sleep. Although I really didn't do much of that.
When I woke up, I took a cold shower and downed a can of Reign, then commuted to my gym and got a lift and some sauna time in before making the trip back to the house. I brought some extra supplies with me for some experiments I cooked up while not sleeping the previous night.
First, I had two camcorders set up on a couple tripods in either corner of the basement. I wanted clear footage of these mystery objects spawning in. Then I set up a voltmeter in a similar fashion, but I had a wire extending out of it on a circuit which fed to an alarm that would blare when the reading was over 250 volts. Upstairs, I rearranged some of the furniture so that the small number of tables, chairs, clock, cabinets, and other little pillows or vases I could find were scattered across the living room, dining room, and kitchen. Then I pulled up a lawn chair to the front porch window and waited.
I didn't have to wait long though. In about a minute, I started to notice some of the objects moving. It was strange. When a few of them would shift simultaneously, it was like looking at a holographic card that would change shape depending on where your eyes were in relation to the image. Every time I saw a shift, I felt an awkward feeling in my eyes. They went blurry for a fraction of a second, then there was a twinge of pain, as if my brain couldn't handle the contradictory stimulus. It didn't get more crazy than that though—until the alarm went off.
I had cracked open the small rectangular window in the basement to the side of the house so I would hear it. It took four hours and several strange stares from passersby walking their dogs before it rang, so I was a bit lost in my thoughts, but when I heard the beep I perked up fast. It lasted for maybe 5 seconds total, but what I saw was truly miraculous. The best way I can describe it is a pool of silver or gray or translucent light emerging in the foreground between me and the objects in the different rooms. A series of twisting tentacles sprouted from the gray octopus-like head and spun in a way that reminded me of that little kids ride at the amusement parks. Then the objects started to "heat up" is the way I describe it. Their position became relative, meaning they were here one second, there another, then they popped out of existence entirely. Suddenly the rooms were all empty, then they were full of things I had never seen before. Then five seconds passed and the octopus vanished and it was back to the same old objects in their usual places.
It took a few minutes to process what I saw, and even then I wasn't sure I really saw it. I went inside and looked around at my distribution of the house's furnishings. They were all there, intact. Then I went downstairs to check the cams. I rewinded a couple minutes and played it back, but there was no flying object to be found. Instead, there was some gray static that lasted half a second and then the object, a kid's treasure chest toy, was there on the ground. But you want to know the really strange part? I rewinded the tape again, and when I watched the footage back, the treasure chest was always there.
I later came to understand that these poppings in-and-out of our reality are only conceivable to a conscious mind that can track the interference patterns—not rote computational instruments. In fact, even most people can't do it (although everyone has at least a slight awareness of it, even if only subconsciously). Plus, locations like the basement of this house are very rare and kept under tight lock. That became obvious to me two days later when, after my normal morning routine, I pulled up to a driveway and curbside filled with unmarked government vehicles. Either bravely or stupidly, I pulled up to a few officers (they were wearing suits in 85 degree weather, so I assumed…) who were idling by the large fence of crime scene tape and asked them what the score was.
"There was a crime," said the short man with a unibrow.
"Oh, is that right? Damn shame. Someone break in? I have a niece who lives nearby, so…"
The man looked at his two compatriots, both of whom were wearing sunglasses and a "get this civilian fuck out of here" expressions. "Oh, yeah," he started in a reassuring tone that was so condescending it would have annoyed anyone except me, "we found a body. We think it was a homicide. Best to keep your kids away from here for a while."
I thumbed the stubble on my chin, my other hand outstretched on the wheel, and considered moving on, but my mouth had other ideas. "That right? But uh, isn't this house vacant? I mean, I don't remember no one living in it."
The short man, now tall with temper, said, "Yeah, some squatters. We think there was a dispute over some drug money. Nothing for you to worry about though, we got it under control. Now if you wouldn't mind moving along, we have a lot of work to do."
Oh, I'm sure you do, I thought, but only said, "Of course, sir, sorry for keeping you from your job." Then I rolled up the window and cruised on, keeping my eyes on the house which slowly diminished in the side-view mirror.
Luckily I had been smart enough to break down my camp and lug home all my equipment each night, so I didn't leave anything incriminating. I didn't move the furniture back, so maybe that would come back to haunt me, but considering the kind of shit going down in that house, I didn't think they would notice.
For any of you wondering about the conclusion of the house story, I went back a couple weeks later after the suits had left and the tape was taken down and confirmed that not only was the basement entirely cleaned out, but it was no longer exhibiting any strange properties. I looked for a story related to the house, maybe a made up murder of some kind, but there was nothing. That bastard lied to me and didn't even bother to cover his story up.
Now, in the aftermath of an event such as this, I really only had one of two options. I could forget it, move on, continue living life. The necklace was surely worth a fortune. I could sell it and have enough to retire, or at least hire enough people and expand my business large enough to retire within ten or so years. Or I could take all that money and invest it in my own PI business with only a single objective: finding out what those people knew, and why they were hiding it.
I think you know me well enough by now to guess which line of reasoning appealed more to me.
***
For the sake of brevity, I'm going to omit most of my encounters along the journey to discovering Area X. There's a lot to tell, and if it appeals to you perhaps I'd be willing to share at a later date, but for now I want to get this part of the story, the more proximal part, out in the open.
Three years ago, I discovered the source of what I'll call "The Receiver". This is the device that was schematized in the documents that I found in the briefcase. What it does is a complex answer, and how it does it is pretty much all speculation, but here's what I've been able to find out: this universe we live in is a node in a network of many other spaces. These spaces exist in higher dimensions that we cannot directly perceive, but using a conceivable analogy, just think about a flower with petals. The petals are these other dimensions which bleed into our world, which is at the center. However, it's not that pretty. We see the physical world through the lens of spacetime: sizes, speeds, etc. These other dimensions don't necessarily have space or time. In fact, what actually exists there, I couldn't say. The only data I have on them is from two sources: correspondence information and server data from the secret agency (which I'll call "the Organization") that keeps this under wraps, and first-hand experience with realms from these other entities, either directly (I experience it) or through the eyes of someone else with the same or greater abilities than I possess.
I referred to these people with abilities earlier as "Antennas", and I will continue to use the term. Antennas really come in three flavors, marked by the strength of their ability: weak Antennas, like me, are able to observe spontaneous interactions between our universe and other dimensions (phase shifts) when there is a strong force of collision like existed in the basement; moderate Antennas may see phase shifts occur at any point, and they usually are able to retain memories from across the different transformations; strong Antennas, and I don't know if they exist yet, but they are able to consciously interact with these other realms and cause phase shifts to occur.
I mentioned that moderate Antennas are able to retain memories from before and after a phase shift. Technically, all Antennas have this ability, but it's about degree. I can recall only very specific instances and without much detail. Moderates are usually able to pick out much more nuanced minutiae. At the lower end of moderate scale, most of those details fade or get fuzzy over time, but for the very strong Antennas, they hold onto almost everything. One other property that scales with strength is interaction with other conscious entities. Only a small percentage of moderates are able to do this. What's interesting is that these entities can possess (yes, like ghosts) people who aren't even antennas, but no one is aware of such possession at this deep of a level. I have several companions now, and only two have had interactions with these otherworldly beings. Not all of them are malevolent, some of them are whimsical or kind, but there are a fair share of demons out there.
Getting back to the point, Area X started as a government funded project in the 70's. At that time, they were focused on a few subjects: Artificial Intelligence, DNA sequencing, and psychedelics. Yes, they were part of the infamous LSD experiments. But they looked at these subjects through a common lens—there was something that the burgeoning tech industry, fueled by the advent of a commercial computer market, was missing. As the tech giants rose in the early 2000's and began to collect mass amounts of data, this other agency was decades ahead in a different metric, although it was completely (and still is) hidden from the public. Their efforts to understand psychedelic experiences led to a formalized method of understanding interactions between multiple realities. They built certain scanning equipment to detect anomalies like the one I found in the basement; although their tools were much more sophisticated and didn't utilize voltage readings. Then they ran tests in these areas. One area in particular is a hot-bed of phase shift interactions. That's where Area X is located (and the Receiver).
The Receiver is a giant electromagnetic orb that has trapped the kind of multi-dimensional energy that causes the phase shifts; since the Organization seized control of the lab, it's effectively become a map of the Earth in relation to these other worlds. For the past twenty or so years, the Organization has been studying this map, using the data big Tech companies have collected to essentially develop a Rosetta Stone for interpreting the meaning of the fluctuations in their scanning equipment. Recently, the public, though going the long way round, was actually pretty close to a breakthrough in this same department until recently when ultra-powerful LLMs surfaced, and the whole world began going down what I'd argue is the wrong rabbit hole of language processing. But I digress.
Area X is essentially a private military base built for defending the most impactful piece of technology ever invented. With the Receiver, the Organization now has the power to essentially predict any and all future outcomes, the only thing holding them back is the limitations of their own scanning equipment which will get better with time. To put it into perspective, the Organization has access to a kind of data allocation tool which in one day can produce over ten thousand times that the Big Data companies combined would be able to filter through in the next decade. You might think, then, that the problem is merely asymmetric power, and that is certainly a concern, but it isn't the main concern. The main issue is that this organization is actively recruiting (and kidnapping) Antennas from around the world in an effort to find or make one of them into a strong Antenna. In other words, they want a subject who is able not only to see the future, but to manipulate it at will.
balance to the world. I've been working on amassing resources, capital, and building my own team, and now I'm ready. You might ask why I'm posting this here. Wouldn't it be better to keep all this secret? Well, yes, it would be. But that's the problem. Nothing is secret anymore. They know about me and the others, and if I don't make a move, they will. In a way, this is a letter directly to the organization that I know, and I'm coming.
In a different way, I wanted to release this information to the public. There are lots of people out there waking up and realizing that the world they experience is not the one others experience. If you think you might be an Antenna, don't be afraid—you have a special gift that can be controlled. If you want more details on how to control it, or if you're interested in my mission, don't be afraid to reach out. This hasn't always been my life's work, but it is now.
At least until I die.
2024.05.16 23:11 Interesting_Cut8584 How are you all recovering from your loses? / I'm just venting
 | I'm not even invested in crypto anymore, but took a lost from medical bills I have to pay 3,625 out of pocket for my wife's ER visit and this is a big hit for me already. Long story short she just arrived in the US, so I had no insurance for her yet. Paid 1700 for green card and work authorization. Shortly after, she developed severe stomach pain. Turns out she has bladder and kidney infection. Not wasted money as my wife's health comes first. But that 3,625 was my starting emergency fund, I guess it just got used earlier than planned. I'm not asking for help, I am just venting from this medical bill I have to pay... submitted by Interesting_Cut8584 to solana [link] [comments] I am curious how you all deal with losing a lot more money than this? If you got any tips or word of advice I'm all ears |
2024.05.16 23:10 Weathers_Writing They call Silicon Valley the tech capitol of the world. They're wrong
I won't disclose its actual location, so if that's why you're here, sorry to disappoint. It's not time for that yet. However, I do think it's time to start getting the word out. I've noticed an increase in what I'll call "Antennas" lately, or people who can detect cross-planar phase shifts. Without getting into all the math (some of which I don't even know), this is basically a phenomenon which refers to entropy seeping into our universe from other realms or universes or whatever you want to call it. Simply put, people think our universe is a closed system to entropy, meaning that the disorder of any variable in our universe can only increase or decrease in direct proportion to other variables in that same system (the universe). Under this precept, we can establish rules like the Laws of Thermodynamics, and for most people, they're effective. But not for Antennas.
Put another way, if you throw a bunch of bouncy balls into a box, there are a number of different configurations that the balls could take on, with different speeds and magnitudes. You can calculate all of those if you have the right numbers. Now let's say you throw in another set of balls that you don't consider in your calculations of the initial set. Well, then you're not going to get an accurate picture of what's happening. Most people only see the first set and calculate based on that, but some people can see two, three, four or more sets.
You'll understand the concept better when I tell you the story, but I wanted to give you a primer on an important concept that will help you understand why this place, which I'll call "Area X", exists, and what the goals of the people who work there are.
Also note that I'm going to be using the alias "Trent" moving forward. Please refer to me as such in any direct messages.
***
Eighteen years ago I started working as an independent Home Inspector. I dropped out of community college after my first semester (not because I didn't find some of the subjects interesting, but because deference to a man or woman has never been my style) and started working some odd jobs. I did construction work for a couple years, then plumbing. I even drove a garbage truck for six months. I've always found pleasure in using my hands, and getting dirty was never a problem for me. Still, having a boss really dragged ass, so I spent my free time working on creating my own business. It took a few years and lots of savings, but I finally managed to get basic set of Home Inspection equipment: Tyvek coveralls, a cheap half-face respirator, voltage & AFCI/GFCI testers, CO2 and radon monitors, an IR camera, and telescoping mirrors in addition to the boots, safety glasses, electric gloves, ladder, and toolkits I already had on hand.
My buddy at the time was in the business, but he was moving off to the coast, so he helped me get set up and even introduced me to some of his clients. Of course, by that time I had already gotten my State license, but I still was a bit apprehensive to work with insurance agencies. I thought I could make a living working independently, inspecting for mold or sizing up a house for a prospective buyer. Eventually, though, I realized I should probably take every job available to me.
Easing into the business went about as well as it could have. The clients my friend referred to me were very satisfied with my work, and I was able to retain them. Then, in order to increase my reach, I hired someone on Fiverr to build a website for my company which led to a marked increase in traffic and conversions. About six months through, I began to get on a first-name basis with the boys and girls down down at Allstate and Progressive, and they fed me some of the bigger cases. In fact, I got so booked by year's end that I had to hire someone to help manage my schedule and the Excel spreadsheet with all my finances. I capped off a successful year with a 5-star Google rating and a trip to Ireland to visit some family and friends and get piss drunk. When I got back, it was the grindstone all over again, until the summer when I discovered… well, you'll see.
First off, I want to say that I was never one to believe in the paranormal. I grew up watching the movies and hearing the ghost stories round the campfire like every other kid, but it never struck a chord with me. If I can't touch it or see it or hear it, does it really exist? Probably not. So don't go thinking this was a scared man seeing his own shadow. That being said, I had this sense that something was off about this house when I parked along the curb and looked through a large window, perhaps two times the size of my van, to a dingy, dark foyer.
The entire neighborhood was stacked with upper-middle class domiciles, though it seemed like only two thirds of them were occupied, mostly by professionals who commuted to the City every weekday, and the rest were empty. As a man who understands real estate, to say this was strange would be an understatement. Still, I had no problem appraising the mini-mansion for a couple of newlyweds looking to enter the community. I did some research on the property ahead of time, and it seems that it was owned by a couple of old timers who had gone off the grid some time ago. The water and electric bill were both unpaid dating back to 2004 (it was June of '06 now). The bank had repo'd the house (which only had about 100k left on it) and held it for a year and a half before putting it back on the market. I tried to find out more about the old couple who vanished, but there was nothing in the news.
I stepped out of the van in my coveralls and grabbed my suitcase which had my mask, gloves, and eye protection in it. I liked to do a preliminary survey first, running an eye test on the exterior then interior before bringing out the big guns (that way I could identify the areas where I think there could be problems instead of running a metal detector over the whole damn ocean seaboard). I was about to do just that when the window caught my eye again. It felt uncharacteristic of me to be so occupied with this window, but I detoured to the front porch and peeked inside anyway.
Most of the furniture had already been moved out, meaning all that was left was a single three-seater couch, a couple candlesticks on the fireplace mantle, a pristine chandelier overtop a dining room table, and the kitchenware: an oven, gas stovetop, marble countertops, and an island. I could see into the living room very clearly with the afternoon light, but the dining room was dim enough that there were a few structures I couldn't quite make out in the distance. One of them appeared to be some kind of china cabinet or bookshelf—I figured it was the former considering where it was located. The other shadow looked kind of like a grandfather clock. Or at least that's what I thought until it moved.
When I say it "moved", I don't mean to say that it picked up and walked away. If you're not familiar with the Necker Cube, I suggest you search it up, because that kind of illusion is the best way to describe what I saw. At first I was seeing the grandfather clock in a certain way—pushed into the corner of the room—and the next second my vision "corrected" and it was maybe five feet to the left of its former position. I shook my head and looked again and saw the grandfather clock in its second orientation, standing in the center of the room against the wall. I figured I was just seeing things, but even so I spent a little extra time dawdling around the Egress window, taking notes, and delaying the interior inspection.
When I finally grew a pair and went inside, I walked straight to the dining room. Sure enough, the grandfather clock was stowed away in the corner of the room. I spent a couple minutes watching it with my pencil and travel notebook out. I'm the kind of guy that likes to collect hard data when the chips are down. Unfortunately, the clock apparently already had enough fun and was content with sweating me. Oh, well.
I fitted my pencil behind my ear and pocketed my travel notebook, then flipped the rest of the first floor lights on and completed my prelim. I concluded that everything was pretty standard. If anything, the house was in better shape than I'd expect considering it presumably hasn't been lived in for a couple years. I say "presumably" because one can never count out squatters, even during those times. Mainly I was expecting more dust build up and cobwebs than there were. Perhaps someone from the department had come by recently. It's unlikely, but possible.
I did the same check upstairs and it came back mostly clean. There was a bit of staining near the attic I wanted to check for mold. Based on its color, it was probably just a minor case of Aspergillus, but better safe than sorry. Then I got to the basement, and, well, let's just count out the idea of anyone dropping by. I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't what I found.
The first thing that caught my eye was the long, slender body of a birch tree lying pale and dead across a large portion of the even larger unfinished basement's cement flooring. I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't dreaming, but, yep, there it was. Its crown was sealed up in the wall with only its trunk hanging out, which made me think of those medieval pillory devices which locked up people's heads and arms. Then confetti-scattered around the tree and all over the basement floor was a minefield of broken glass and ceramic tangled up with a set of random objects. And when I say random, I mean random. There was an unfurled Somali flag (the blue one with a single star in the center), some packaged drinks and condiments branded with all sorts of different languages (I could only make out Gaelic and Chinese or Japanese, I couldn't quite tell), a broken dome-shaped security camera, an otoscope (the thing the doc uses to check your ears), Hot Wheels cars (okay that one isn't so strange), and the list goes on.
At that moment, I wasn't freaked out or disgusted. I was more or less just confused. I started walking through the rubble, trying to avoid the sharp fragments but pretty confident that my steel toed boots would crush most the pieces anyway, when I heard a clink just up ahead. I was able to spot the coin in time, just before it jingled to a halt atop an old Life magazine. I picked it up and noted right away its oval shape and bronze color—clearly not American made. I tried reading it, but not only was the language not English, it appeared to be so old that most of the lettering had been filed down. I looked up at the ceiling to see if it dropped from a shelf, but there was nothing that could have been holding the coin. I considered for a moment, looking around at the other junk, and had the crazy idea that maybe all this stuff just appeared here. I popped the coin in my pocket and headed back to the van when I stopped by the tree and realized something. It wasn't a birch tree—it was a palm tree. I just didn't realize because of how ashy and decayed the bark was.
Now at this point you might think I've been acting a little nonchalant for such a strange occurrence, and I don't blame you, but if you're gonna stick around with me that's just something you're gonna have to get used to. I guess I was just born with a screw loose, but I really don't scare easily, and I tend to look at everything pragmatically. If you dig deep enough, you'll always find another plausible explanation. That being said, I do want to get to the part about Area X, so let me give you the rundown on what I learned about this basement.
I ended up trekking back to the van and picking up my gear. I was no longer running the routine inspection, obviously, but I figured I might as well throw 30 thousand dollars of scanning equipment at whatever the fuck anamoly existed in that basement. Most of it came back negative. There was a bit higher-than-usual EM interference as picked up on the voltmeters, but nothing that screamed danger close. Still, it was enough for me to set up my volt testers and IR camera while muddling through the rest of the junk. I won't bore you with another list of items, but I did find one thing of value: a diamond necklace. And not just any diamond necklace, it was one of those Queen-wearing, multi-row, big-jeweled necklaces like out of some Historical Fiction movie from the thirties. I almost didn't pocket it because I'm used to expensive items being owned by someone… someone who might want it back. But I figured if there was ever a place the finder's keeper's rule applied, it was probably in this Quantum graveyard.
7 O'clock rolled around and I hadn't eaten. I'm a pretty bulky guy, carrying my share of both muscle and fat, and most people think that means I need to eat a ton but that's really not the case. Mostly I just get dehydrated easily, especially in the summer. That said, I was bordering on famished territory and considered heading out for a bite when I heard another sound. The first thing I did was check my scanners, and sure enough the voltage needle was fully spun to the right side of the dial. EM interference. Then I went to see what had dropped. I was able to pick the object out pretty quickly since I had spent the last 6 hours staring at the mosaic of a basement floor. It was a silver briefcase, like one of those out of a crime novel, and it was cracked open.
I had this sense then that I was standing at a precipice, and if I opened the briefcase and looked inside, I wouldn't be able to stop whatever would come afterwards. Part of me deep down knew that I was just that type of guy that had to know, and maybe this was my Hamlet moment where it would be a trait gone a step too far. But then again I didn't really believe in any of that sentimental bullshit, so I opened the briefcase.
The gun surprised me a little, but not as much as the piece of paper laid atop a case file reading in large black font, "FIND ME". I expected the envelope to have some missing person file in it, but instead there were all these schematics and blueprints for some kind of device. Whatever it was, it was pretty massive. Some of the lengths were hundreds of meters long. And what's more strange is based on the blueprint's locale, it appeared to be underground. I looked back through the pages a couple times, then checked the note—nothing strange there. The gun appeared to be a simple glock. I was no gun expert, but I had been to the range pretty regularly with my construction buddies, so I got used to the feel of a pistol and rifle and some of the different names; however, I realized pretty quickly it wasn't your standard glock when I couldn't find mag-release. That's when I noticed how light the gun felt. I tried to chamber a round, but again, there was no hammer. What the hell kind of gun was this?
I ended up throwing everything back in the briefcase, including the necklace, coin, and a few Koozies I found that were branded with one of my favorite sports teams (never let an opportunity go to waste). I put up all my shit back in the van and spun over to a local burger joint, got my fill, and went home. I made sure to draft an email to the prospective buyers, telling them the house had several patches of black mold and a bit of a rat problem before drifting off to sleep. Although I really didn't do much of that.
When I woke up, I took a cold shower and downed a can of Reign, then commuted to my gym and got a lift and some sauna time in before making the trip back to the house. I brought some extra supplies with me for some experiments I cooked up while not sleeping the previous night.
First, I had two camcorders set up on a couple tripods in either corner of the basement. I wanted clear footage of these mystery objects spawning in. Then I set up a voltmeter in a similar fashion, but I had a wire extending out of it on a circuit which fed to an alarm that would blare when the reading was over 250 volts. Upstairs, I rearranged some of the furniture so that the small number of tables, chairs, clock, cabinets, and other little pillows or vases I could find were scattered across the living room, dining room, and kitchen. Then I pulled up a lawn chair to the front porch window and waited.
I didn't have to wait long though. In about a minute, I started to notice some of the objects moving. It was strange. When a few of them would shift simultaneously, it was like looking at a holographic card that would change shape depending on where your eyes were in relation to the image. Every time I saw a shift, I felt an awkward feeling in my eyes. They went blurry for a fraction of a second, then there was a twinge of pain, as if my brain couldn't handle the contradictory stimulus. It didn't get more crazy than that though—until the alarm went off.
I had cracked open the small rectangular window in the basement to the side of the house so I would hear it. It took four hours and several strange stares from passersby walking their dogs before it rang, so I was a bit lost in my thoughts, but when I heard the beep I perked up fast. It lasted for maybe 5 seconds total, but what I saw was truly miraculous. The best way I can describe it is a pool of silver or gray or translucent light emerging in the foreground between me and the objects in the different rooms. A series of twisting tentacles sprouted from the gray octopus-like head and spun in a way that reminded me of that little kids ride at the amusement parks. Then the objects started to "heat up" is the way I describe it. Their position became relative, meaning they were here one second, there another, then they popped out of existence entirely. Suddenly the rooms were all empty, then they were full of things I had never seen before. Then five seconds passed and the octopus vanished and it was back to the same old objects in their usual places.
It took a few minutes to process what I saw, and even then I wasn't sure I really saw it. I went inside and looked around at my distribution of the house's furnishings. They were all there, intact. Then I went downstairs to check the cams. I rewinded a couple minutes and played it back, but there was no flying object to be found. Instead, there was some gray static that lasted half a second and then the object, a kid's treasure chest toy, was there on the ground. But you want to know the really strange part? I rewinded the tape again, and when I watched the footage back, the treasure chest was always there.
I later came to understand that these poppings in-and-out of our reality are only conceivable to a conscious mind that can track the interference patterns—not rote computational instruments. In fact, even most people can't do it (although everyone has at least a slight awareness of it, even if only subconsciously). Plus, locations like the basement of this house are very rare and kept under tight lock. That became obvious to me two days later when, after my normal morning routine, I pulled up to a driveway and curbside filled with unmarked government vehicles. Either bravely or stupidly, I pulled up to a few officers (they were wearing suits in 85 degree weather, so I assumed…) who were idling by the large fence of crime scene tape and asked them what the score was.
"There was a crime," said the short man with a unibrow.
"Oh, is that right? Damn shame. Someone break in? I have a niece who lives nearby, so…"
The man looked at his two compatriots, both of whom were wearing sunglasses and a "get this civilian fuck out of here" expressions. "Oh, yeah," he started in a reassuring tone that was so condescending it would have annoyed anyone except me, "we found a body. We think it was a homicide. Best to keep your kids away from here for a while."
I thumbed the stubble on my chin, my other hand outstretched on the wheel, and considered moving on, but my mouth had other ideas. "That right? But uh, isn't this house vacant? I mean, I don't remember no one living in it."
The short man, now tall with temper, said, "Yeah, some squatters. We think there was a dispute over some drug money. Nothing for you to worry about though, we got it under control. Now if you wouldn't mind moving along, we have a lot of work to do."
Oh, I'm sure you do, I thought, but only said, "Of course, sir, sorry for keeping you from your job." Then I rolled up the window and cruised on, keeping my eyes on the house which slowly diminished in the side-view mirror.
Luckily I had been smart enough to break down my camp and lug home all my equipment each night, so I didn't leave anything incriminating. I didn't move the furniture back, so maybe that would come back to haunt me, but considering the kind of shit going down in that house, I didn't think they would notice.
For any of you wondering about the conclusion of the house story, I went back a couple weeks later after the suits had left and the tape was taken down and confirmed that not only was the basement entirely cleaned out, but it was no longer exhibiting any strange properties. I looked for a story related to the house, maybe a made up murder of some kind, but there was nothing. That bastard lied to me and didn't even bother to cover his story up.
Now, in the aftermath of an event such as this, I really only had one of two options. I could forget it, move on, continue living life. The necklace was surely worth a fortune. I could sell it and have enough to retire, or at least hire enough people and expand my business large enough to retire within ten or so years. Or I could take all that money and invest it in my own PI business with only a single objective: finding out what those people knew, and why they were hiding it.
I think you know me well enough by now to guess which line of reasoning appealed more to me.
***
For the sake of brevity, I'm going to omit most of my encounters along the journey to discovering Area X. There's a lot to tell, and if it appeals to you perhaps I'd be willing to share at a later date, but for now I want to get this part of the story, the more proximal part, out in the open.
Three years ago, I discovered the source of what I'll call "The Receiver". This is the device that was schematized in the documents that I found in the briefcase. What it does is a complex answer, and how it does it is pretty much all speculation, but here's what I've been able to find out: this universe we live in is a node in a network of many other spaces. These spaces exist in higher dimensions that we cannot directly perceive, but using a conceivable analogy, just think about a flower with petals. The petals are these other dimensions which bleed into our world, which is at the center. However, it's not that pretty. We see the physical world through the lens of spacetime: sizes, speeds, etc. These other dimensions don't necessarily have space or time. In fact, what actually exists there, I couldn't say. The only data I have on them is from two sources: correspondence information and server data from the secret agency (which I'll call "the Organization") that keeps this under wraps, and first-hand experience with realms from these other entities, either directly (I experience it) or through the eyes of someone else with the same or greater abilities than I possess.
I referred to these people with abilities earlier as "Antennas", and I will continue to use the term. Antennas really come in three flavors, marked by the strength of their ability: weak Antennas, like me, are able to observe spontaneous interactions between our universe and other dimensions (phase shifts) when there is a strong force of collision like existed in the basement; moderate Antennas may see phase shifts occur at any point, and they usually are able to retain memories from across the different transformations; strong Antennas, and I don't know if they exist yet, but they are able to consciously interact with these other realms and cause phase shifts to occur.
I mentioned that moderate Antennas are able to retain memories from before and after a phase shift. Technically, all Antennas have this ability, but it's about degree. I can recall only very specific instances and without much detail. Moderates are usually able to pick out much more nuanced minutiae. At the lower end of moderate scale, most of those details fade or get fuzzy over time, but for the very strong Antennas, they hold onto almost everything. One other property that scales with strength is interaction with other conscious entities. Only a small percentage of moderates are able to do this. What's interesting is that these entities can possess (yes, like ghosts) people who aren't even antennas, but no one is aware of such possession at this deep of a level. I have several companions now, and only two have had interactions with these otherworldly beings. Not all of them are malevolent, some of them are whimsical or kind, but there are a fair share of demons out there.
Getting back to the point, Area X started as a government funded project in the 70's. At that time, they were focused on a few subjects: Artificial Intelligence, DNA sequencing, and psychedelics. Yes, they were part of the infamous LSD experiments. But they looked at these subjects through a common lens—there was something that the burgeoning tech industry, fueled by the advent of a commercial computer market, was missing. As the tech giants rose in the early 2000's and began to collect mass amounts of data, this other agency was decades ahead in a different metric, although it was completely (and still is) hidden from the public. Their efforts to understand psychedelic experiences led to a formalized method of understanding interactions between multiple realities. They built certain scanning equipment to detect anomalies like the one I found in the basement; although their tools were much more sophisticated and didn't utilize voltage readings. Then they ran tests in these areas. One area in particular is a hot-bed of phase shift interactions. That's where Area X is located (and the Receiver).
The Receiver is a giant electromagnetic orb that has trapped the kind of multi-dimensional energy that causes the phase shifts; since the Organization seized control of the lab, it's effectively become a map of the Earth in relation to these other worlds. For the past twenty or so years, the Organization has been studying this map, using the data big Tech companies have collected to essentially develop a Rosetta Stone for interpreting the meaning of the fluctuations in their scanning equipment. Recently, the public, though going the long way round, was actually pretty close to a breakthrough in this same department until recently when ultra-powerful LLMs surfaced, and the whole world began going down what I'd argue is the wrong rabbit hole of language processing. But I digress.
Area X is essentially a private military base built for defending the most impactful piece of technology ever invented. With the Receiver, the Organization now has the power to essentially predict any and all future outcomes, the only thing holding them back is the limitations of their own scanning equipment which will get better with time. To put it into perspective, the Organization has access to a kind of data allocation tool which in one day can produce over ten thousand times that the Big Data companies combined would be able to filter through in the next decade. You might think, then, that the problem is merely asymmetric power, and that is certainly a concern, but it isn't the main concern. The main issue is that this organization is actively recruiting (and kidnapping) Antennas from around the world in an effort to find or make one of them into a strong Antenna. In other words, they want a subject who is able not only to see the future, but to manipulate it at will.
balance to the world. I've been working on amassing resources, capital, and building my own team, and now I'm ready. You might ask why I'm posting this here. Wouldn't it be better to keep all this secret? Well, yes, it would be. But that's the problem. Nothing is secret anymore. They know about me and the others, and if I don't make a move, they will. In a way, this is a letter directly to the organization that I know, and I'm coming.
In a different way, I wanted to release this information to the public. There are lots of people out there waking up and realizing that the world they experience is not the one others experience. If you think you might be an Antenna, don't be afraid—you have a special gift that can be controlled. If you want more details on how to control it, or if you're interested in my mission, don't be afraid to reach out. This hasn't always been my life's work, but it is now.
At least until I die.
submitted by Weathers_Writing to nosleep [link] [comments]
Put another way, if you throw a bunch of bouncy balls into a box, there are a number of different configurations that the balls could take on, with different speeds and magnitudes. You can calculate all of those if you have the right numbers. Now let's say you throw in another set of balls that you don't consider in your calculations of the initial set. Well, then you're not going to get an accurate picture of what's happening. Most people only see the first set and calculate based on that, but some people can see two, three, four or more sets.
You'll understand the concept better when I tell you the story, but I wanted to give you a primer on an important concept that will help you understand why this place, which I'll call "Area X", exists, and what the goals of the people who work there are.
Also note that I'm going to be using the alias "Trent" moving forward. Please refer to me as such in any direct messages.
***
Eighteen years ago I started working as an independent Home Inspector. I dropped out of community college after my first semester (not because I didn't find some of the subjects interesting, but because deference to a man or woman has never been my style) and started working some odd jobs. I did construction work for a couple years, then plumbing. I even drove a garbage truck for six months. I've always found pleasure in using my hands, and getting dirty was never a problem for me. Still, having a boss really dragged ass, so I spent my free time working on creating my own business. It took a few years and lots of savings, but I finally managed to get basic set of Home Inspection equipment: Tyvek coveralls, a cheap half-face respirator, voltage & AFCI/GFCI testers, CO2 and radon monitors, an IR camera, and telescoping mirrors in addition to the boots, safety glasses, electric gloves, ladder, and toolkits I already had on hand.
My buddy at the time was in the business, but he was moving off to the coast, so he helped me get set up and even introduced me to some of his clients. Of course, by that time I had already gotten my State license, but I still was a bit apprehensive to work with insurance agencies. I thought I could make a living working independently, inspecting for mold or sizing up a house for a prospective buyer. Eventually, though, I realized I should probably take every job available to me.
Easing into the business went about as well as it could have. The clients my friend referred to me were very satisfied with my work, and I was able to retain them. Then, in order to increase my reach, I hired someone on Fiverr to build a website for my company which led to a marked increase in traffic and conversions. About six months through, I began to get on a first-name basis with the boys and girls down down at Allstate and Progressive, and they fed me some of the bigger cases. In fact, I got so booked by year's end that I had to hire someone to help manage my schedule and the Excel spreadsheet with all my finances. I capped off a successful year with a 5-star Google rating and a trip to Ireland to visit some family and friends and get piss drunk. When I got back, it was the grindstone all over again, until the summer when I discovered… well, you'll see.
First off, I want to say that I was never one to believe in the paranormal. I grew up watching the movies and hearing the ghost stories round the campfire like every other kid, but it never struck a chord with me. If I can't touch it or see it or hear it, does it really exist? Probably not. So don't go thinking this was a scared man seeing his own shadow. That being said, I had this sense that something was off about this house when I parked along the curb and looked through a large window, perhaps two times the size of my van, to a dingy, dark foyer.
The entire neighborhood was stacked with upper-middle class domiciles, though it seemed like only two thirds of them were occupied, mostly by professionals who commuted to the City every weekday, and the rest were empty. As a man who understands real estate, to say this was strange would be an understatement. Still, I had no problem appraising the mini-mansion for a couple of newlyweds looking to enter the community. I did some research on the property ahead of time, and it seems that it was owned by a couple of old timers who had gone off the grid some time ago. The water and electric bill were both unpaid dating back to 2004 (it was June of '06 now). The bank had repo'd the house (which only had about 100k left on it) and held it for a year and a half before putting it back on the market. I tried to find out more about the old couple who vanished, but there was nothing in the news.
I stepped out of the van in my coveralls and grabbed my suitcase which had my mask, gloves, and eye protection in it. I liked to do a preliminary survey first, running an eye test on the exterior then interior before bringing out the big guns (that way I could identify the areas where I think there could be problems instead of running a metal detector over the whole damn ocean seaboard). I was about to do just that when the window caught my eye again. It felt uncharacteristic of me to be so occupied with this window, but I detoured to the front porch and peeked inside anyway.
Most of the furniture had already been moved out, meaning all that was left was a single three-seater couch, a couple candlesticks on the fireplace mantle, a pristine chandelier overtop a dining room table, and the kitchenware: an oven, gas stovetop, marble countertops, and an island. I could see into the living room very clearly with the afternoon light, but the dining room was dim enough that there were a few structures I couldn't quite make out in the distance. One of them appeared to be some kind of china cabinet or bookshelf—I figured it was the former considering where it was located. The other shadow looked kind of like a grandfather clock. Or at least that's what I thought until it moved.
When I say it "moved", I don't mean to say that it picked up and walked away. If you're not familiar with the Necker Cube, I suggest you search it up, because that kind of illusion is the best way to describe what I saw. At first I was seeing the grandfather clock in a certain way—pushed into the corner of the room—and the next second my vision "corrected" and it was maybe five feet to the left of its former position. I shook my head and looked again and saw the grandfather clock in its second orientation, standing in the center of the room against the wall. I figured I was just seeing things, but even so I spent a little extra time dawdling around the Egress window, taking notes, and delaying the interior inspection.
When I finally grew a pair and went inside, I walked straight to the dining room. Sure enough, the grandfather clock was stowed away in the corner of the room. I spent a couple minutes watching it with my pencil and travel notebook out. I'm the kind of guy that likes to collect hard data when the chips are down. Unfortunately, the clock apparently already had enough fun and was content with sweating me. Oh, well.
I fitted my pencil behind my ear and pocketed my travel notebook, then flipped the rest of the first floor lights on and completed my prelim. I concluded that everything was pretty standard. If anything, the house was in better shape than I'd expect considering it presumably hasn't been lived in for a couple years. I say "presumably" because one can never count out squatters, even during those times. Mainly I was expecting more dust build up and cobwebs than there were. Perhaps someone from the department had come by recently. It's unlikely, but possible.
I did the same check upstairs and it came back mostly clean. There was a bit of staining near the attic I wanted to check for mold. Based on its color, it was probably just a minor case of Aspergillus, but better safe than sorry. Then I got to the basement, and, well, let's just count out the idea of anyone dropping by. I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't what I found.
The first thing that caught my eye was the long, slender body of a birch tree lying pale and dead across a large portion of the even larger unfinished basement's cement flooring. I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't dreaming, but, yep, there it was. Its crown was sealed up in the wall with only its trunk hanging out, which made me think of those medieval pillory devices which locked up people's heads and arms. Then confetti-scattered around the tree and all over the basement floor was a minefield of broken glass and ceramic tangled up with a set of random objects. And when I say random, I mean random. There was an unfurled Somali flag (the blue one with a single star in the center), some packaged drinks and condiments branded with all sorts of different languages (I could only make out Gaelic and Chinese or Japanese, I couldn't quite tell), a broken dome-shaped security camera, an otoscope (the thing the doc uses to check your ears), Hot Wheels cars (okay that one isn't so strange), and the list goes on.
At that moment, I wasn't freaked out or disgusted. I was more or less just confused. I started walking through the rubble, trying to avoid the sharp fragments but pretty confident that my steel toed boots would crush most the pieces anyway, when I heard a clink just up ahead. I was able to spot the coin in time, just before it jingled to a halt atop an old Life magazine. I picked it up and noted right away its oval shape and bronze color—clearly not American made. I tried reading it, but not only was the language not English, it appeared to be so old that most of the lettering had been filed down. I looked up at the ceiling to see if it dropped from a shelf, but there was nothing that could have been holding the coin. I considered for a moment, looking around at the other junk, and had the crazy idea that maybe all this stuff just appeared here. I popped the coin in my pocket and headed back to the van when I stopped by the tree and realized something. It wasn't a birch tree—it was a palm tree. I just didn't realize because of how ashy and decayed the bark was.
Now at this point you might think I've been acting a little nonchalant for such a strange occurrence, and I don't blame you, but if you're gonna stick around with me that's just something you're gonna have to get used to. I guess I was just born with a screw loose, but I really don't scare easily, and I tend to look at everything pragmatically. If you dig deep enough, you'll always find another plausible explanation. That being said, I do want to get to the part about Area X, so let me give you the rundown on what I learned about this basement.
I ended up trekking back to the van and picking up my gear. I was no longer running the routine inspection, obviously, but I figured I might as well throw 30 thousand dollars of scanning equipment at whatever the fuck anamoly existed in that basement. Most of it came back negative. There was a bit higher-than-usual EM interference as picked up on the voltmeters, but nothing that screamed danger close. Still, it was enough for me to set up my volt testers and IR camera while muddling through the rest of the junk. I won't bore you with another list of items, but I did find one thing of value: a diamond necklace. And not just any diamond necklace, it was one of those Queen-wearing, multi-row, big-jeweled necklaces like out of some Historical Fiction movie from the thirties. I almost didn't pocket it because I'm used to expensive items being owned by someone… someone who might want it back. But I figured if there was ever a place the finder's keeper's rule applied, it was probably in this Quantum graveyard.
7 O'clock rolled around and I hadn't eaten. I'm a pretty bulky guy, carrying my share of both muscle and fat, and most people think that means I need to eat a ton but that's really not the case. Mostly I just get dehydrated easily, especially in the summer. That said, I was bordering on famished territory and considered heading out for a bite when I heard another sound. The first thing I did was check my scanners, and sure enough the voltage needle was fully spun to the right side of the dial. EM interference. Then I went to see what had dropped. I was able to pick the object out pretty quickly since I had spent the last 6 hours staring at the mosaic of a basement floor. It was a silver briefcase, like one of those out of a crime novel, and it was cracked open.
I had this sense then that I was standing at a precipice, and if I opened the briefcase and looked inside, I wouldn't be able to stop whatever would come afterwards. Part of me deep down knew that I was just that type of guy that had to know, and maybe this was my Hamlet moment where it would be a trait gone a step too far. But then again I didn't really believe in any of that sentimental bullshit, so I opened the briefcase.
The gun surprised me a little, but not as much as the piece of paper laid atop a case file reading in large black font, "FIND ME". I expected the envelope to have some missing person file in it, but instead there were all these schematics and blueprints for some kind of device. Whatever it was, it was pretty massive. Some of the lengths were hundreds of meters long. And what's more strange is based on the blueprint's locale, it appeared to be underground. I looked back through the pages a couple times, then checked the note—nothing strange there. The gun appeared to be a simple glock. I was no gun expert, but I had been to the range pretty regularly with my construction buddies, so I got used to the feel of a pistol and rifle and some of the different names; however, I realized pretty quickly it wasn't your standard glock when I couldn't find mag-release. That's when I noticed how light the gun felt. I tried to chamber a round, but again, there was no hammer. What the hell kind of gun was this?
I ended up throwing everything back in the briefcase, including the necklace, coin, and a few Koozies I found that were branded with one of my favorite sports teams (never let an opportunity go to waste). I put up all my shit back in the van and spun over to a local burger joint, got my fill, and went home. I made sure to draft an email to the prospective buyers, telling them the house had several patches of black mold and a bit of a rat problem before drifting off to sleep. Although I really didn't do much of that.
When I woke up, I took a cold shower and downed a can of Reign, then commuted to my gym and got a lift and some sauna time in before making the trip back to the house. I brought some extra supplies with me for some experiments I cooked up while not sleeping the previous night.
First, I had two camcorders set up on a couple tripods in either corner of the basement. I wanted clear footage of these mystery objects spawning in. Then I set up a voltmeter in a similar fashion, but I had a wire extending out of it on a circuit which fed to an alarm that would blare when the reading was over 250 volts. Upstairs, I rearranged some of the furniture so that the small number of tables, chairs, clock, cabinets, and other little pillows or vases I could find were scattered across the living room, dining room, and kitchen. Then I pulled up a lawn chair to the front porch window and waited.
I didn't have to wait long though. In about a minute, I started to notice some of the objects moving. It was strange. When a few of them would shift simultaneously, it was like looking at a holographic card that would change shape depending on where your eyes were in relation to the image. Every time I saw a shift, I felt an awkward feeling in my eyes. They went blurry for a fraction of a second, then there was a twinge of pain, as if my brain couldn't handle the contradictory stimulus. It didn't get more crazy than that though—until the alarm went off.
I had cracked open the small rectangular window in the basement to the side of the house so I would hear it. It took four hours and several strange stares from passersby walking their dogs before it rang, so I was a bit lost in my thoughts, but when I heard the beep I perked up fast. It lasted for maybe 5 seconds total, but what I saw was truly miraculous. The best way I can describe it is a pool of silver or gray or translucent light emerging in the foreground between me and the objects in the different rooms. A series of twisting tentacles sprouted from the gray octopus-like head and spun in a way that reminded me of that little kids ride at the amusement parks. Then the objects started to "heat up" is the way I describe it. Their position became relative, meaning they were here one second, there another, then they popped out of existence entirely. Suddenly the rooms were all empty, then they were full of things I had never seen before. Then five seconds passed and the octopus vanished and it was back to the same old objects in their usual places.
It took a few minutes to process what I saw, and even then I wasn't sure I really saw it. I went inside and looked around at my distribution of the house's furnishings. They were all there, intact. Then I went downstairs to check the cams. I rewinded a couple minutes and played it back, but there was no flying object to be found. Instead, there was some gray static that lasted half a second and then the object, a kid's treasure chest toy, was there on the ground. But you want to know the really strange part? I rewinded the tape again, and when I watched the footage back, the treasure chest was always there.
I later came to understand that these poppings in-and-out of our reality are only conceivable to a conscious mind that can track the interference patterns—not rote computational instruments. In fact, even most people can't do it (although everyone has at least a slight awareness of it, even if only subconsciously). Plus, locations like the basement of this house are very rare and kept under tight lock. That became obvious to me two days later when, after my normal morning routine, I pulled up to a driveway and curbside filled with unmarked government vehicles. Either bravely or stupidly, I pulled up to a few officers (they were wearing suits in 85 degree weather, so I assumed…) who were idling by the large fence of crime scene tape and asked them what the score was.
"There was a crime," said the short man with a unibrow.
"Oh, is that right? Damn shame. Someone break in? I have a niece who lives nearby, so…"
The man looked at his two compatriots, both of whom were wearing sunglasses and a "get this civilian fuck out of here" expressions. "Oh, yeah," he started in a reassuring tone that was so condescending it would have annoyed anyone except me, "we found a body. We think it was a homicide. Best to keep your kids away from here for a while."
I thumbed the stubble on my chin, my other hand outstretched on the wheel, and considered moving on, but my mouth had other ideas. "That right? But uh, isn't this house vacant? I mean, I don't remember no one living in it."
The short man, now tall with temper, said, "Yeah, some squatters. We think there was a dispute over some drug money. Nothing for you to worry about though, we got it under control. Now if you wouldn't mind moving along, we have a lot of work to do."
Oh, I'm sure you do, I thought, but only said, "Of course, sir, sorry for keeping you from your job." Then I rolled up the window and cruised on, keeping my eyes on the house which slowly diminished in the side-view mirror.
Luckily I had been smart enough to break down my camp and lug home all my equipment each night, so I didn't leave anything incriminating. I didn't move the furniture back, so maybe that would come back to haunt me, but considering the kind of shit going down in that house, I didn't think they would notice.
For any of you wondering about the conclusion of the house story, I went back a couple weeks later after the suits had left and the tape was taken down and confirmed that not only was the basement entirely cleaned out, but it was no longer exhibiting any strange properties. I looked for a story related to the house, maybe a made up murder of some kind, but there was nothing. That bastard lied to me and didn't even bother to cover his story up.
Now, in the aftermath of an event such as this, I really only had one of two options. I could forget it, move on, continue living life. The necklace was surely worth a fortune. I could sell it and have enough to retire, or at least hire enough people and expand my business large enough to retire within ten or so years. Or I could take all that money and invest it in my own PI business with only a single objective: finding out what those people knew, and why they were hiding it.
I think you know me well enough by now to guess which line of reasoning appealed more to me.
***
For the sake of brevity, I'm going to omit most of my encounters along the journey to discovering Area X. There's a lot to tell, and if it appeals to you perhaps I'd be willing to share at a later date, but for now I want to get this part of the story, the more proximal part, out in the open.
Three years ago, I discovered the source of what I'll call "The Receiver". This is the device that was schematized in the documents that I found in the briefcase. What it does is a complex answer, and how it does it is pretty much all speculation, but here's what I've been able to find out: this universe we live in is a node in a network of many other spaces. These spaces exist in higher dimensions that we cannot directly perceive, but using a conceivable analogy, just think about a flower with petals. The petals are these other dimensions which bleed into our world, which is at the center. However, it's not that pretty. We see the physical world through the lens of spacetime: sizes, speeds, etc. These other dimensions don't necessarily have space or time. In fact, what actually exists there, I couldn't say. The only data I have on them is from two sources: correspondence information and server data from the secret agency (which I'll call "the Organization") that keeps this under wraps, and first-hand experience with realms from these other entities, either directly (I experience it) or through the eyes of someone else with the same or greater abilities than I possess.
I referred to these people with abilities earlier as "Antennas", and I will continue to use the term. Antennas really come in three flavors, marked by the strength of their ability: weak Antennas, like me, are able to observe spontaneous interactions between our universe and other dimensions (phase shifts) when there is a strong force of collision like existed in the basement; moderate Antennas may see phase shifts occur at any point, and they usually are able to retain memories from across the different transformations; strong Antennas, and I don't know if they exist yet, but they are able to consciously interact with these other realms and cause phase shifts to occur.
I mentioned that moderate Antennas are able to retain memories from before and after a phase shift. Technically, all Antennas have this ability, but it's about degree. I can recall only very specific instances and without much detail. Moderates are usually able to pick out much more nuanced minutiae. At the lower end of moderate scale, most of those details fade or get fuzzy over time, but for the very strong Antennas, they hold onto almost everything. One other property that scales with strength is interaction with other conscious entities. Only a small percentage of moderates are able to do this. What's interesting is that these entities can possess (yes, like ghosts) people who aren't even antennas, but no one is aware of such possession at this deep of a level. I have several companions now, and only two have had interactions with these otherworldly beings. Not all of them are malevolent, some of them are whimsical or kind, but there are a fair share of demons out there.
Getting back to the point, Area X started as a government funded project in the 70's. At that time, they were focused on a few subjects: Artificial Intelligence, DNA sequencing, and psychedelics. Yes, they were part of the infamous LSD experiments. But they looked at these subjects through a common lens—there was something that the burgeoning tech industry, fueled by the advent of a commercial computer market, was missing. As the tech giants rose in the early 2000's and began to collect mass amounts of data, this other agency was decades ahead in a different metric, although it was completely (and still is) hidden from the public. Their efforts to understand psychedelic experiences led to a formalized method of understanding interactions between multiple realities. They built certain scanning equipment to detect anomalies like the one I found in the basement; although their tools were much more sophisticated and didn't utilize voltage readings. Then they ran tests in these areas. One area in particular is a hot-bed of phase shift interactions. That's where Area X is located (and the Receiver).
The Receiver is a giant electromagnetic orb that has trapped the kind of multi-dimensional energy that causes the phase shifts; since the Organization seized control of the lab, it's effectively become a map of the Earth in relation to these other worlds. For the past twenty or so years, the Organization has been studying this map, using the data big Tech companies have collected to essentially develop a Rosetta Stone for interpreting the meaning of the fluctuations in their scanning equipment. Recently, the public, though going the long way round, was actually pretty close to a breakthrough in this same department until recently when ultra-powerful LLMs surfaced, and the whole world began going down what I'd argue is the wrong rabbit hole of language processing. But I digress.
Area X is essentially a private military base built for defending the most impactful piece of technology ever invented. With the Receiver, the Organization now has the power to essentially predict any and all future outcomes, the only thing holding them back is the limitations of their own scanning equipment which will get better with time. To put it into perspective, the Organization has access to a kind of data allocation tool which in one day can produce over ten thousand times that the Big Data companies combined would be able to filter through in the next decade. You might think, then, that the problem is merely asymmetric power, and that is certainly a concern, but it isn't the main concern. The main issue is that this organization is actively recruiting (and kidnapping) Antennas from around the world in an effort to find or make one of them into a strong Antenna. In other words, they want a subject who is able not only to see the future, but to manipulate it at will.
balance to the world. I've been working on amassing resources, capital, and building my own team, and now I'm ready. You might ask why I'm posting this here. Wouldn't it be better to keep all this secret? Well, yes, it would be. But that's the problem. Nothing is secret anymore. They know about me and the others, and if I don't make a move, they will. In a way, this is a letter directly to the organization that I know, and I'm coming.
In a different way, I wanted to release this information to the public. There are lots of people out there waking up and realizing that the world they experience is not the one others experience. If you think you might be an Antenna, don't be afraid—you have a special gift that can be controlled. If you want more details on how to control it, or if you're interested in my mission, don't be afraid to reach out. This hasn't always been my life's work, but it is now.
At least until I die.
2024.05.16 23:10 Artistic-Buy1062 [FNV] I keep getting random crashes and don't know what to do
As the title says, I keep getting random crashes with "Exception C0000005 caught!" in the crashlog. I tried uninstalling NVHR and it solved the problem for a while, I already downloaded the last JIP beta in the xNVSE discord but it keeps happening and it appears to be random, because sometimes I can play like for an hour or longer but other times it crashes after five minutes or so, the last one happened fifteen minutes after I opened the game. Here is my loadorder:
+Character Kit Remake - Teeth
+Uncut Wasteland Extra Collection CKR Patch
+Uncut Wasteland CKR Patch
+Sweet Pain DC CKR Patch
+TTW A World of Pain for Fallout 3 CKR patch
+Transporters - Immersive Fast Travel CKR Patch
+The Living Desert CKR patch
+Sweet Pain NV CKR Patch
+AWOPR CKR Patch
+MoreMojave CKR Patch
+FPGE CKR Patch
+Character Kit Remake TTW Facegen
+Character Kit Remake
+JIP_LN_NVSE_Plugin
+Wasteland Eyes - Mutant Eyes Lite
+Mutant Eyes
+Female eyes clipping FIX
+Shotgun Buffs
+Dynamic Terrifying Presence NVSE
+NV Collectibles - Merged
+Dead Money - Elijah's Rambling Last Words
+Pre-War Money Retexture
+Natural eyes by zzjay
+Hair Patcher Two ESPLess
+Simple Hairs - New Vegas
+S6S Perks Patches
+S6S Perks and Tammer Weapon Pack Compatiblity Patch
+dree74 More Perks Upscaled (and Regular-ified Art pack)
+More Perks Reimagined
+S6S Big Guns Implementation
+TTW Extra Special Love Tester
+(Unbalanced - Overpowered) Sweet Perk Overhaul
+FO4-style SPECIAL plus Infinite Intense Training - ESPless
+NV Compatibility Skeleton
+Diagonal movement
+TTW LOD
+TTW Ain't That A Scar In The Head
+TTW Pitt Rot
+I Found Those Who Care - New Ending for Veronica (TTW)
+A Tiny Perk Styled Pack (an add on for JIP - CCC)
+JIP CCC Perk Styled Collection
+Perk Style CCC Icons Modded Companions
+Perk Styled CCC Icons
+Marcus Patch
+Ulysses Patch
+Benny Returns Patch
+Melissa Patch
+DLC Companions AIO Patch
+Ties That Bind - Dad Expansion
+Ties That Bind Patch
+No Companion Limit
+ED-E Both Perks
+CFEE - A Complete Companion Overhaul
+Marcus Companion
+Ulysses Companion Mod
+Benny Returns
+Melissa Lewis Companion
+DLC Companions - All-In-One
+Ties that Bind - TTW Conversion
+Ties that Bind - a narrative companion mod
+A Tribe of Two
+Armed to the Teeth - Redux
+STARS TOTNW Patch
+PAVE TOTNW PatchTitans of Steel Version
+Tesla Armor Mods x consistent pip-boy icons - Classic Tesla Armor Icons
+TTW Goodies
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Dynamicon
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Stats (and Some Perks)
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Reputation
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Addendumb
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Vault Girl Extension
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Extension
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - DLC's Items
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Apparel
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Weapons
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Items
+3. CPI - Mod Patches
+1. Consistent Pip-boy Icons
+Map Marker Icons
+Pop-Up Message Icons
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Framework Plugin
+PipBoyOn Node Fixes
+STARS TTW - Sweet's Total Armor Rework System
+Classic Lightweight Leather Armor Replacer
+Classic Leather Armor Replacer for Leather Armor
+Salvaged Armor
+Modern Gunslinger Armor
+Bone Harvester - Tribal Cannibal
+Wasteland Stealth Armor NV
+The Road Warrior Armor
+Psycho Armor and Mask
+Metal Armor MkI
+WW2 M1 Helmets
+AKIRAMORI Tactical Gloves
+Altyn Helmet - Retro Tactical Headgear
+Wasteland Seeker Armor
+Geonox Riot Armor - Female Version -
+Geonox Riot Armor
+KORs Pistol Harness
+Fallout Tactics Brotherhood Metal Armor Integration
+Classic Tesla Armor
+Mercenary Wanderer
+Searchlight Firefighter Outfit
+Fallout Revelation Blues Mega Armor Pack
+Fallout The Odyssey Mega Armor Pack
+Arsthetiu's Armoire - A Nif-Bashed Armour Collection
+Classic Fallout Tesla armor
+DVA - Distributed Variety Armors - Hats Headgears Accessories
+Petal Gasmask
+Canvas Backpacks - FNV - TTW
+Waster Gear - TTW - FNV
+The Lone Wanderer - TTW and NV
+NCR Commando
+GP-5 Gasmask
+Courier Duster Replacer
+Ballistic Skull Mask
+Tribal Power Helmet - Definitive Edition
+Classic Combat Armor Replacer Combined (TTW)
+Classic Replacers for TTW
+Classic Combat Armor Replacer Redux
+Classic Fallout 2 combat armor Mark 2 (remastered)
+Classic Fallout 2 Metal armor Mk II
+Classic Fallout Metal Armor
+Veronica Outfit Replacer
+Unique Troublemaker Outfit-Nightstalker Set
+DogTooth Enclave Officer
+The BLACKJACK pack - Tons of armors for VANILLA bodys
+Power Armor Visual Enhancement (PAVE)
+Deus Specs
+Spice of Life
+Tammer's NIF-Bashed Armor Mega-Pack v4.2
+Book of Steel - Compatibility Edition
+nov 2011 book of steel
+Wasteland Soldier Redux NV
+Wasteland Soldier - NV Edition
+No PipBoy in Power Armor
+Simple Headshots
+SIDE - Simple Items Distributed Everywhere
+Immersive Recoil NPC
+Simple Explosive Entry Tweaks
+Simple Explosive Entry
+Immersive Sleeping Encounters
+Forced Entry
+Sweet Keywords
+Camping - ESPless
+Bottle the Water
+Unmissable Casino Rewards
+TTW Collectibles - Merged
+SMAC - Simple Melee Attack Canceling
+Simply Less Junk. esp-less
+Purchase Items on Display (xNVSE)
+Point Lookout Doctors TTW
+Movable Statics replaced with Lootable versions - ESPless
+Lootable Statics Compatibility Edition - Base Object Swapper
+Base Object Swapper
+Hardcore Forever
+Cookable Grenades
+Benny Fighting Chance
+B42 Quickthrow Perks
+B42 Quickthrow - an alternative grenade hotkey mod
+B42 Optics TTW Patches
+B42 Optics NV Patches
+Tactapack - B42 Optics Patch
+Classic Fallout Weapons Remastered B42 Optics Patch
+Another Millenia and Addon - B42 Optics Patch
+B42 Optics - ESPless
+Desert Natural Weathers - NV - TTW
+Climate Control - 3D Rain
+Climate Control - Rain
+3D Rain
+Interior Rain - TTW
+Interior Rain
+Longer Weather Transitions ESPless
+Natural Interiors
+Atmospheric Lighting Tweaks (Interior Lighting for FNV and TTW)
+Iron Sights Aligned - Mod Support
+Iron Sights Aligned
+Wasteland Warrior - A Melee Animation Overhaul
+Butcher Pete Complete - A Melee Animation Overhaul
+New Vegas Animation Overhaul Guns
+Anniversary Anim Pack
+B42 Weapon Inertia
+ISControl
+3rd Person Animation Fixpack
+VNV - LOD Patches
+LOD additions and improvements - TTW Patch
+Wasted LOD - Cliffs of DC
+LODIFY FNV Wall_SoGB Editon
+LODIFY - Level of detail improvement for your Fallout (TTW And NV Lods)
+Different LOD mods little tweaks and additions
+Wasted LOD - Cliffs of Mojave
+More LODs Additions and fixes
+TCM's LOD Overhaul
+Optional Overpasses
+FNV LOD Supplementation
+LOD additions and improvements
+Much Needed LOD fixed rocks color
+Much Needed LOD
+LOD Fixes and Improvements - NVSE
+Impostors and LOD Flicker Fix
+Mobile Pip-Boy Light - NVSE
+Mainframes Litter Flickering Fix
+Fallout 3 TTW Interior Optimization Project
+ExRB - Extended Roombounds
+Items Transformed - Enhanced Meshes (ITEM)
+Meshes and Collision - Totally Enhanced Nifs (MAC-TEN)
+New Vegas Mesh Improvement Mod - NVMIM
+Collision Meshes FNV
+Collision Meshes FO3
+TTW Ultimate Invisible Wall Remover
+Improved AI (Navmesh Overhaul Mod)
+Sweet Healing Systems
+Sweet Consumables
+ySI - Sorting Icons - S6S Aid Addon patch
+Aid Addon
+New Blood
+More Rads No Irradiated Lonesome Road
+RAD - Radiation (is) Actually Dangerous - Overhaul
+Unfound Loot - Harder core settings ini
+Unfound Loot
+Harder Barter Faster Stronger
+TOTNW One Hand Animations For Another Millenia plus Addon
+Titans of The New West
+Tactapack
+ZL Armaments Remastered
+KNVSE Animation Mega Patch for Tammer's Weapons
+Tammer's NIF-Bashed Weapons Mega-Pack v6.0
+SDS CFWR Patch
+Classic Fallout Weapons Remastered
+Another Millenia Gun Add-on
+Another Millenia - TTW Unique Placements
+Another Millenia
+DIEO - AWOPFO3 Patch
+DIEO - Tale of Bi Wastelands Patch
+TTW (D.I.E.O.) Dialogue and Interactions Expansion Overhaul
+GRA Unique Weapons Relocated - TTW Patch
+GRA Unique Weapons Relocated
+TTW The Regulators
+TTW A Trail of Crumbs
+Functional Post Game Ending - Uncut Wasteland And Extra Collection Patch
+Uncut Extra Collection
+Uncut Wasteland
+MoreMojave - FPGE Patch
+MoreMojave Terrain LOD
+MoreMojave
+Sweet Pain TTW
+Sweet Pain NV
+A World of (Less) Pain - A Lore Friendly AWOP Revision
+Sweet Pain DC
+TTW A World of Pain for Fallout 3
+The Living Desert Leveled List Overhaul
+The Living Desert - Travelers Patrols Consequences Increased Population and more
+Functional Post Game Ending
+B42 True Leaning - Custom INI
+B42 True Leaning - Contextual - ESPless
+Immersive Minigames
+Vegas Elysium Perk Pack
+Levelup Traits
+Friends With Benefits Perk Pack
+Sweet 6 Shooter Perks - TTW - NV
+Sweet Perk Overhaul
+NPCs Sprint kNVSE - ESPless
+Enhanced Movement INI
+Enhanced Movement
+Supplemental Ammo Crafting
+Sweet Dynamic Detection System
+Simple AI Merge
+Sweet's Configuration
+Weapon Jamming Tweaks - ESPless
+Reload Reloaded
+Immersive Recoil 2.0
+B42 FireMode - Selective Fire and First Shot Precision - ESPless
+Weapon Requirements System
+Real Weapon Mods 2 Rebalanced
+Real Weapon Mods 2
+Armor Damage Overhaul - Custom INI
+ADO - Armor Damage Overhaul
+Better Damage Multipliers
+Crippled Limb Reaction Enforcer
+Transporters - Fast Travel Alternative
+TTW Transportalponder Extended
+Home and Safehouse Tweaks INI File
+Home and Safehouse Tweaks
+JIP CCC HD icons
+JIP Companions Command and Control
+JAM - Custom INI
+Bullet Time Improved - a JAM addon
+Clean Just Assorted Mods (JAM)
+JAM - Just Assorted Mods
+Nail Gun Semi Auto Rework
+BHYSYS Custom INI
+(Benny Humbles You) and Steals Your Stuff
+Delay DLC Redux
+TTW - Mothership Zeta Rewards
+Charisma Tweaks (NVSE)
+Tale of Bi Wastelands TTW Patches for TTW Reputations and TTW New Vegas Speech Checks
+Tale of Bi Wastelands TTW
+TTW New Vegas Speech Checks - TTW Reputations Patch
+TTW New Vegas Speech Checks
+TTW Reputations
+TTW Merchant Supply Expansion
+Hardcore Perk Every Level
+Casino Exchange All
+Better Caravan
+Root 'n Loot TTW
+Tweaks for TTW Custom INI
+Tweaks for TTW
+ESP-less Tutorial Killer
+Simple Night Vision
+Radiation Visuals
+Drowning Visuals - ESPless
+Quick Select - A Zelda BOTW Style Quick Menu
+3D Grenade Indicator
+Item Cards Custom INI
+Item Cards
+Instant and Faster Pipboy (No Stutter)
+Pip-Boy UI Tweaks
+High Res Local Maps
+Simple Maps - TTW
+Clean Companion Wheel
+Vault Boy Paper Doll
+High Resolution Screens
+Vanilla Fonts Revisited
+MAPMO WSG Preset
+Extras - Stewie's Tweaks Sorting Icons Replacer
+Extras - Hi-Res Logos
+MAPMO - Main and Pause Menus Overhaul
+Recent Loot Log - ESPless
+B42 Notify - Corner Messages Overhaul - ESPless
+Clean Vanilla Hud
+Alternate Holographic Panel - No PipBoy in Power Armor
+Simple Power Armor HUD
+FOV Slider
+ySI Vanilla MiscQuest Items Patch
+ySI Sorting - Extended NV-TTW
+Sleep Wait Hardcore Needs
+Radiation Loadwheel
+Scum's Considerably Cute Corner Load Wheel
+Main Menu Redone - TTW
+ySI - Pick Up Prompts
+ySI - Colorful Icons Fix
+Colorful Inventory Ycons
+ySI - Sorting Ycons
+yUI - User Ynterface
+Vanilla UI Plus (New Vegas)
+The Mod Configuration Menu
+Vanilla Animations Weapon Scale Fix
+TTW Combat Shotgun HQ Reload Sounds
+TTW 32 Pistol Projectile Clipping Fix
+Tranquility Lane Pipboy Glove and Custom Race Fix
+Ranger Combat Helmets Clipping Fix
+NPCa - NPC Prevention of Chem addiction - ESPless
+MZ Holding Cells Fog Clip Distance Fix
+Money Fixer - ESPless
+Melee VATS Animation Restoration
+Laser Pistol 3rd Person Latch animation fix
+Gun Runners Kiosk Glass Fix
+Gauss Impact Fix - ESPless
+Freeside Neon Sign Fix
+Female Pipboy Aligned
+Viewmodel Shading Fix - NVSE
+MoonlightNVSE
+zlib Updated - NVSE
+Weapon Mod Description Fix (TTW)
+Viewmodel Shake Fix - NVSE
+Vent Lighting Fix
+Swimming Creatures Fix - ESPless
+Smooth True Iron Sights Camera
+Pip-Boy Shading Fix NVSE
+Muzzle Flash Light Fix - NVSE
+Mostly Fixed FaceGen Tints (NV or TTW)
+JIP Localized Damage Fix
+Improved Lighting Shaders
+High Resolution Water Fog - Water Aliasing Fix
+High Resolution Bloom NVSE
+Fog-based Object Culling
+Fallout Alpha Rendering Tweaks - NVSE
+External Emittance Fix - NVSE
+Equip and Movement Speed Fix - ESPless
+Depth of Field Fix - NVSE
+Consistent Spread - Firearms Accuracy and Wobble Fix
+Aqua Performa - Strip Performance Fix
+Cloud Upgrade NVSE
+Climate Control NVSE
+SUP NVSE
+AnhNVSE
+KEYWORDS
+UIO - User Interface Organizer
+ShowOff xNVSE Plugin
+Basic Console Autocomplete
+Console Paste Support
+Improved Console (NVSE)
+kNVSE Animation Plugin
+FNV Mod Limit Fix
+ActorCause Save Bloat Fix
+VATS Lag Fix
+Combat Lag Fix (NVSE)
+lStewieAl's Engine Optimizations
+Stewie Tweaks Custom INI
+Stewie Tweaks Essentials INI
+lStewieAl's Tweaks and Engine Fixes
+NVTF - INI Presets
+NVTF - New Vegas Tick Fix
+Yvile's Crash Logger
+JohnnyGuitar NVSE - INI Presets
+JohnnyGuitar NVSE
+JIP LN Custom INI
+JIP LN NVSE Plugin
+ROOGNVSE Plugin
+Tales of Two Wastelands
submitted by Artistic-Buy1062 to FalloutMods [link] [comments]
- FalloutNV.esm
- DeadMoney.esm
- HonestHearts.esm
- OldWorldBlues.esm
- LonesomeRoad.esm
- GunRunnersArsenal.esm
- Fallout3.esm
- Anchorage.esm
- ThePitt.esm
- BrokenSteel.esm
- PointLookout.esm
- Zeta.esm
- CaravanPack.esm
- ClassicPack.esm
- MercenaryPack.esm
- TribalPack.esm
- TaleOfTwoWastelands.esm
- YUPTTW.esm
- NavmeshOverhaul.esm
- TTW Ultimate Invisible Wall Remover.esm
- FO3_Optimization.esm
- Main And Pause Menus Overhaul.esm
- TweaksTTW.esm
- Tale of Bi Wastelands.esm
- TTW Reputations.esm
- Tale of Bi Wastelands + TTW Reputations Patch.esm
- TTW New Vegas Speech Checks.esm
- TTW New Vegas Speech Checks - TTW Reputations Patch.esm
- Tale of Bi Wastelands + TTW NV Speech Checks Patch.esm
- Functional Post Game Ending.esm
- Functional Post Game Ending - TTW Patch.esm
- TLD_Travelers.esm
- A Trail of Crumbs.esm
- Regulators.esm
- Uncut Wasteland.esp
- Uncut Extra Collection.esp
- Functional Post Game Ending - Uncut Wasteland And Extra Collection Patch.esm
- AWorldOfPainFO3.esm
- Sweet Pain.esm
- A World of Pain Revised.esm
- Sweet Pain NV.esm
- MoreMojave.esm
- Home and Safehouse Tweaks.esm
- Home and Safehouse Tweaks - TTW Addon.esm
- Lootable Statics.esm
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2024.05.16 23:09 Shoddy_Ebb_5683 Day 2 Post OP
Yesterday I barely had any pain. I walked around and was able to get myself in and out of bed perfectly fine. I didn’t even need my prescription. That was a mistake!! I feel like I’ve just had the most intensive ab workout of my life. I’m so sore. My parents and sister are helping me in and out of bed.
But, my stomach doesn’t hurt anymore. I can actually eat. I don’t have lingering stomach pain, ALL THE TIME. I’m so glad to have done this so far. I feel “normal”.
submitted by Shoddy_Ebb_5683 to gallbladders [link] [comments]
But, my stomach doesn’t hurt anymore. I can actually eat. I don’t have lingering stomach pain, ALL THE TIME. I’m so glad to have done this so far. I feel “normal”.
2024.05.16 23:08 Finklemeire Overwatch University Ep.5 Hosted by NineK, Aid & Moon ft. Tobi Translations
Sorry it's so late this week. I'm an ex Seoul Dynasty player as well and I was a bit too busy so I kind of just listened to all for it and then got way too busy for a few days with work. Here's the loose translations for episode 5 of Overwatch University. Rush had to leave very early on due to Internet issues and Moon who was watching at the time volunteered to help as a lot of the talk was in regards to the Seoul vs Shanghai Rivalry anyways so having both POVs was insightful
Topic 1 Intros and Seoul Dynasty Season 1
Aid: Have you seen Overwatch University given you have been invited by NineK
Tobi: Not really. I've skimmed around and seen pieces of the Crusty interview and Moon interview.
Aid: We're going to go over Tobis lengthy career as we were both pros
NineK: Isn't it kind of disrespectful to Tobi for you to group him up with you?
Aid: I had a lot of talent I just got cursed with a shit Coach like you NineK right Tobi?
Tobi: True
Aid: See two instances of your failures
NineK: What does that make the people who won under me? You two must've been the problem.
Aid: (pulled up Seoul Dynasty s1 roster and Tobi just explains who all of them were) Honestly you guys didn't do amazing right?
Tobi: No we were bad we went 7-3, 7-3, 5-5, and then 3-7. Just mid
NineK: Did you feel in preseason scrims you were in trouble?
Tobi: No I didn't we did very well even in the preseason games we won everything.
Rush: There any problems we didn't know about you can tell us?
Tobi: I can tell all the potential members we could've had though. Carpe, Fury, Gesture, Jjonak
NineK: Wow you started and ended with Seoul now that I think about it.
Aid: So we heard lots of rumors about Seoul but I heard you had unique member rotations where only allowing certain players for certain stages?
Tobi: If I'm clarifying a bit the split rosters was more of a season 2 decision with an A team and B team where eventually the roster mixed together. Biggest issue was the coaches couldn't agree. So sometimes they would just take turns like coach A gets to decide today then coach B gets to decide what to do and then coach c.
NineK: I heard you basically did that with a new coach per stage.
Rush: Who was your head coach?
Tobi: 4 coaches + extras
Aid: How did you decide who played what?
Tobi: Honestly the meta was so hard locked at the time the biggest issue was the coaches disagreed how we should play and it was very confusing how we should do it. We basically went back and forth with a coach of the day deciding what we did.
NineK: Too many games too. That's how Shanghai went 0-40 cause there was way too much. Not to mention no one wanted to scrim them cause it's not like you wanted to be their first victory either.
Tobi: We scrimmed them a bit
NineK: Wow you're nice people.
Tobi: They've invited us over at times and made food for us too.
Rush: Yeah there's pictures of it.
NineK: Cause of the Korean members?
Tobi: No this was way before that
NineK: Wow so kind. Isn't it cause your results weren't good either?
Tobi: Uhhh... Where were you in season 1?
NineK: I came in late. Stage 3. Season 1 was fun though
Aid: Honestly getting dragged back and forth by your coaches must be stressful. As a player there has got to be times when you do something one way and think to yourself why the heck does he want me to do it this way instead
NineK: Also they'd probably never had that many members to work with either since they just added players to Lunatic Hai
Tobi: True. We had 11 starting members and then acquired Gambler when I was having wrist issues. Then we lost another member and went back to 11. I truly believe having 12 members was so pointless
NineK: I agree like it's good if you can make it work but if you don't it just makes people feel awful. I don't know why people insisted so much on large rosters.
Tobi: Lots of people lots of possibilities I guess?
Rush: Also this is when OWL wanted to copy traditional sports so they got a bunch of players on their rosters
Tobi: They did invest more in OWL back then
NineK: They were really the team designed to win everything weren't they?
Rush: I remember an article saying they had an 80% chance of winning
NineK: People don't get how hard this time was cause of the random Mercy meta. Honestly probably wouldn't have been this bad for Seoul if patches came out like they do now
Tobi: Meta was unfavorable sure but we just played poorly to be honest
NineK: Wow so honest very cool
Topic 2: Ryujekong
Aid: Everyone was so confused by Ryujehong on Tank I want to hear what happened
Tobi: Honestly it's been so long I don't remember this time very well. I also wasn't even scrimming or playing at the time because of my wrist. I was basically just going to the doctor. We had kuki who for reasons was having troubles so he stopped playing and then Miro was having a lot of struggles at the time as well with how the meta was playing. It's mostly because of the comms cause obviously Miro had better mechanics Jehong sucks at primaling too but he would take space well and call out commands for the team to help
Aid: How did your scrims go?
Tobi: I don't remember
NineK: He can't help but not remember there were only scrims allowed at the practice facilities at the time and kids that were ill like him straight up just didn't even go. There were set times
Aid: So this isn't Jehongs main position and he was forced to tank must have been hard.
NineK & Rush: Must be
Tobi: It absolutely was. Imagine how sorry he felt to Miro. He was a support replacing Miro. If he fails not only does he get ridiculed for it but people slander Miro for being replaced by a tank of this caliber he felt very burdened feeling sorry that Miro might get insulted more than he did
NineK: I remember at the time a lot of people said Jehong had a bad Zenyatta as well but I thought it was good
Aid: Yeah I don't really see how he was particularly bad
NineK: Honestly the way things were he was probably just getting compared to Jjonak who was a beast at the time. The flame for Jehong was insane at the time
Aid: I remember his team would just hyper pocket Jjonak and have him just frag. NYXL were so defensive and good at pocketing.
NineK: In another way of seeing things that playstyle not being meta anymore might be why NYXL couldn't hack it in finals.
(Watching VOD of Seoul vs London)
NineK: Damn Munchkin fucking sucked at Tracer
Rush: Wait why is Fleta playing Widow?
Tobi: He was really good at Widow
NineK: He was
Rush: Then what is Munchkin good at
NineK: Just Cassidy Soldier. But Widow was so broken back then
Aid: Monkey could never catch her cause of her grapple cooldown
NineK: Nearly all the monkeys sucked at primal dribbling too. If a Mercy pocketed her she never died either. Who was good then again? Carpe...
Tobi: Linkzr Surefour Pine
Aid: Wow such names from my memories
NineK: Gesture Fury were way too good at Monkey D.va. Honestly there's so much shit about London I wanna expose
Aid: Bring Profit
NineK: I'll get Rascal easily. Wow Bdosin looks so young here what the he'll.
Topic 3: End of Season 2 VOD of Jehong Tobi Crying Post Elimination to Spark
Aid: I didn't know this happened at the time but NineK mentioned this happened can you explain?
Tobi: At the time role lock got forced and doomfist hanzo reaper were good. At the time we were kind of really good in scrims but lost to a team in tournament we never lost too in scrims. Jehong was already out there crying and I didn't want to come out and Danny kept forcing me to come out even though I said I didn't want too. But I was afraid the broadcast would get delayed or ruined cause of me so I was forced to.
Ninek: At the time we were preparing for our game up right after them but our GM was so fuxking angry at the time like how could you force them to do this right after they lost he complained a lot to Blizzard. Cause just imagine, thank God you brought out two veterans and media trained players. Imagine if you brought out complete noobies if it was this hard for these 2 veterans imagine what they might let slip on a broadcast when emotions are this high. This is also right after their season ended and they were officially eliminated.
Rush: From Blizzards POV these 2 were icons of the game and they probably felt like they could really show the importance and feelings toward this game to the audience watching
NineK: But like RIGHT after they lost is insane to me. Like let them process instead of fucking ambushing them as they're coming down from the stage.
Rush: But it's important cause this is when they're at the peak of the emotions being felt so I get it.
NineK: There's actually so many players who went down that stage to the hallways down crying
Aid: Of course they work hard and it didn't work.
Tobi: When we scrimmed we only lost to 1 team ever. Shock. We beat Vancouver NYXL Spark everyone else.
NineK: Wow so strong
Tobi: But in the end we just lost to Spark
NineK: I can say this now but we scrimmed Hangzhou a lot at this time. They didn't have a coach we were their coaches. Literally they would scrim us and copy us the next day in games. Since GOATs they basically decided they couldn't beat us so they copied our opening strats positioning skill usage everything. That's why they did decent
Aid: So Seoul lost cause of you
Tobi: We regretted a lot because of some of our microplays. There was a thing when double shield was first happening where Moria sprays her heals on the tanks right? The enemy Sigmas could shoot their shield out behind the Orisa to block the heals. And we thought this was possible but went and said it wasn't going to be a difference maker and ignored it
NineK: Wait we were doing that since day 1 lol
Tobi: We lost to Spark because of that. We felt awful cause this is something we thought could happen but ignored. At the time Marvel was our Sigma and Michelle who was a traditional offtank was forced on Orisa. We had Fissure who was good at Orisa who retired so we had no Orisas.
Aid: Timings always been off for Seoul I guess
NineK: No wonder you felt so many emotions. I was so sad seeing this. Seoul was honestly so good in season 2 but always somehow was just one step short. It hurt my heart to see them.
Aid: Players don't like to cry like that so they have to have been feeling so much to cry like this
Topic 4: Seoul vs Shanghai
Aid: We had Moon and he said some stuff on this we were all in the West and we would just see the results but this May Melee where you were up 3-0 and got reverse swept... your stories about this?
Tobi: We didn't get ahead of ourselves Shanghai was always good at Gibraltr and we thought we would lose this map but win the rest for a 4-1. I'm not sure how we lost Busan though
Tobi: We won a lot with our double shield
Rush: Fearless wasn't supposed to play
Aid: Fearless told me at the time he didn't get to scrim even once and then came in and won everything
NineK: Wow
Aid: Yeah no scrims at all
NineK: Wait Tobi why us Bdosin on Brig and you on Baptiste?
Tobi: I played the Baptiste for Seoul at the time cause Bdosin fucking sucked at Bap. This mother fucker could never use his abilities properly. He must've gotten sick in the head watching Viol2t play or something cause whenever he had cooldowns he would be on some high ground alone shooting and scream "Aghhh" and die off on his own
NineK: I remember now it wasn't super locked who played what because no one had Briggitte experience at the time
Tobi: Also if this happened there would be cases where in double shield mirror your Brig had to swap to Zenyatta but at the time Gesture had too many complaints about coordinating his pulls with Bdosin
NineK: I have no idea how Seoul lost this right now
Tobi: There's no absolutes in Overwatch. But the only thing I remember is our loss in Junkertown
Aid: For Kings Row I remember the Felta carry with Widow this was probably in all of those OWL top 5 highlights. I still can't believe how far Shnghai got in Junkertown though
NineK: Wow even Fearless is playing Orisa here
Tobi: That's why we thought we would win here. It's such a double tank focused map. Fits was randomly flanked high on the left and I td him to get down but he died on our A defense.
NineK: Wow you guys got out ult cycled like crazy
Rush: The Torbjorn choice here leaves a lot to be desired
NineK: I agree
Aid: So then there is that little celebration Shanghai did how did you feel
Tobi: Can I curse?
NineK: Seoul is just so ugh... like back in season 2 they beat New York during GOATs who was supposed to be top 2 but Seould couldn't take those next steps to greatness here as well. There are those super important games that once you win you just go on a roll and Seoul never got to do it
Tobi: I really hated losing to Shanghai cause I could've been on the team.
NineK: Really?
Tobi: Yeah I received offers from them on 3 separate occasions but ended up choosing Seoul. I wanted to believe I made the right choice so I wanted to win
Topic 5: Tobi Happy. Season 3
Aid: There's this gif of you happy after a win
NineK: It's so funny you took your glasses off before cheering
Tobi: At the time we lost to Shanghai so often but then finally beat them
NineK: The thing is Seoul was lucky cause they actually shouldn't have been in the season 3 finals originally.
Rush: Washington was the biggest offender
NineK: Off memory it felt like a "everyone suffered because of COVID so everyone gets a chance" thing
Tobi: But the thing to note is we did well in the West before we were forced to go to Korea and beat Glads and Valiant. We won like all of our scrims at the time.
NineK: Fine I'll give you that
Rush: Seoul was honestly really good during the online era
Aid: What did you think of the Hog meta?
Tobi: I was a huge doubter. Like at the time it was Zarya Hog or Sigma Hog. It just had none of the fundamentals of Overwatch I was used to seeing. I just couldn't believe it.
NineK: Tobis a purist "where do you come from thinking Hog could ever be a main tank"
Tobi: His ability to take space was unreal at the time. But Gesture was really into it and Wizardhyeong pushed for it
Aid: Gesture was a really good Hog though
NineK: All the guys there had good Hogs. Gesture Super Smurf Fearless were all good at it
Rush: But Shanghai didn't play it
NineK: I don't know Shanghais reasoning but I know Shock played how they did cause Viol2t fucking sucked at Ana lol. The thing is he did win with it but his scrim results as Ana was terrible
Rush: Viol2t Ana is known in the community as weaker though
NineK: But he doesn't think so
Tobi: I heard it got to the point where Crusty said he would do better if he played than Viol2t
NineK: That's why Architect played it for a bit. They had Twilight but I have no idea why they didn't use him more. I don't know how much I should say when there's no Shock rep from the time here but as far as I Know Super wasn't supposed to play. Smurf was but he didn't fit with his playstyle and the team well enough at the time
Tobi: If I have to point out regrets in the Shock game it was not using Zenyatta on Busan
NineK: But shouldn't you playing something other than the Ashe?
Tobi: No this was when Ashe was super broken and Profit was really good at her
Aid: The more I see it the more I really feel regrets about Seouls performances
NineK: That's what I've been saying Seoul was almost never bad and had huge upside a lot for different points in time. Honestly they're Asia's Philly Fusion
Tobi: You know how it is NineK if one thing changed with your Hotba strategy or Rascal not waking the monkey
NineK: I had a team with Tobi and Carpe and caught the 2nd place curse
Tobi: Woah why are you blaming me I've won plenty.
NineK: I did too before meeting you guys
Tobi: Then it's Carpes fault
NineK: I guess it is lol
Aid: At this point we need to have Carpe on to defend himself
NineK: We're going to go watch his games this Saturday
Tobi: The Hollwood bug pissed me off too
(Vod review where Tobi popped Valkyrie in spawn and the D.va bomb from Choi killed Tobi in the respawn room) this and Viol2t living at 1 health
Aid: Wow you guys are just destined to not win that day
Tobi: It was everything against us honestly
NineK: Honestly in the regular Hog comps Seoul and Dhock were about even but Seoul couldn't beat Shocks Hog and Ball Comp
Tobi: I actually wanted to go Numbani here instead of Hollywood
NineK: I remember at this time Choihyobin was getting gapped by Hanbin a bit and all of us joked his time was over and Hanbin would replace him as the new offtank goat
NineK: I remember at this time Shock felt Bdosin was scarier. They took more maps with him. Even though they defended better with Creative
Tobi: I think at the time he wasn't getting too much scrim time so he just said to let Creative play
Topic 6 Coach Tobi
Aid: You came back after being a player for Fusion to being Head Coach of Seoul Dynasty how was that for you?
Tobi: I kind of just stopped feeling the desire to compete like "I definitely can still compete mechanically but guess it might just not work out from here"
Tobi: Was worried that newer players he hadn't yet played with wouldn't follow his leadership well
Aid: So who was the player who least listened to you
Tobi: Everyone below me followed very well
Aid: So did you work well with the other coaches given it was mentioned there were previously conflicting visions?
Tobi: Oh these people were later coaches and we had very good talks together and worked well together
NineK: Since we wanna wait for our other guest when we talk about the next topic let's move on and talk about our time together in Fusion
Tobi: There were a lot of regrets weren't there?
NineK: The biggest problem for me was I didn't know we would be playing in Korea when I made the roster and heard it from someone from another team.
NineK: I felt sorry to Carpe for that. He's like Seoul where certain key moments not working out it feels like de-railed everything for him.
Aid: What did you think when you joined and first got to know NineK?
Tobi: When I joined I did so because I heard so much good stuff about him. Like he just knows a lot about Overwatch so I was curious about him and learned a lot. There's Crusty NineK Moon and Rush that are the coaches that are very well talked about that I was curious about. I got to meet NineK and Wow I'd never believed someone could get so angry over this game he would slam on the desk yelling while coaching. But the thing was while doing that he would always be right about what he's saying
Topic 7: Moon Joins
(Moon joins the podcast because Rush was lagging out)
NineK: So is it true you sent offers to Tobi
Moon: I guess I should say hi first. My name is Coach Moon who tried to get Tobi every year but failed.
NineK: I tried that with Fury
Aid: Is one of the reasons you wanted to beat Seoul no matter what because you didn't get to recruit Tobi?
Moon: No actually around that time I got in a lot of trouble with my wife. She said I talked to Tobi more than her. This was before we signed LeeJaeGon
Tobi: In 2020 season Shanghai actually had a lot of players I wanted to play with. Fleta Lip and such. As well as just giving a better offer out right.
NineK: Void too.
Tobi: Yeah always keeps contact with him too. But I really wanted to run it back with Ryujehong one last time because of the regrets of our last 2 seasons together to redeem ourselves. But he ended up choosing Vancouver and as I ended up wanting to go to Shanghai instead, they ended up already getting LeeJaeGon instead
Aid: Man the timing has just never worked out for Tobi
NineK: When he was on Fusion with me he used to always joke "damn if I was on Shanghai at least I could've been winning while benched"
Moon: So at the time LeeJaeGon and Tobi were my first choices but LJG told me he didn't want to join because he wanted to go to Mayhem with other Runaway members and then Tobi was looking at Seoul so I almost ended up with no one. But eventually LeeJaeGon chose us and tobi reached out the day after that.
NineK: So you regret not getting Tobi?
Moon: I mean you can't argue this given our results...
Tobi: They did so well
NineK: Tobi would've made the team fun for you though. That season was really bad for us but we had a lot of fun
Topic 8: Seoul vs Shanghai KickOff Clash
Aid: It looked like Seoul was happier beating Shanghai in winners finals than beating Philly in finals
Moon: The thing was the situation was so terrible for us at this time. We were quarantined with nothing.
Tobi: This team was the one we wanted to beat more than anyone else. It's why Profit was crying at the end of it all.
Moon: I will say their strats against us were very good they deserved the win regardless of what circumstances we had
Tobi: This gave me PTSD cause there was a moment when we were reverse swept in May Melee where Bdosin got pulsed with Rally. I told Vindsim no matter what to hold your shield up when he has it and in this one moment in the VOD he got stuck by fleta but thankfully Profit clutched
NineK: I will say when we got to the Hawaii LAN Shock picked you guys at Shanghai and I'll just say I didn't want to pick you.
Aid: Ahh it was the eternal rivals (implying Crusty chose Shanghai for revenge)
Moon: This time was really tough for us and we had a bunch of retirements after this. I think we thought more about what we would get to eat the next day or when we would be able to go to a Koreatown for the food we missed
NineK: It was so long
Moon: Honestly it was the hardest times for us.
NineK: It was really tough for us as well lockdown was so long.
Moon: I honestly don't want to hear lockdown complaints from anyone around me. If we were offline and I told you our horror stories everyone here would cry.
NineK: I mean everyone suffered but this sounds like military stories lol. Like everyone thinks they had it the hardest. Anyways Tobi tell us how you did things that led to that win.
Tobi: So you know there are things a lot of us say behind the scenes about coaches right? Like this guy is more of just a caretaker or this guy is more just strategies but I really wanted to be the coach who wouldn't have players feel bad I was their Coach. It's why I asked for a lot of help from previous coaches I worked under. I wanted all of my least favorite aspects of coaches I've seen in the past to not be things my players go through I let them all speak casually to me so they wouldn't be uncomfortable with me
NineK: Moon has the opposite take. He said his players can never act chummy with him and will always refer to him as coach
Tobi: My feelings were that I had previously worked with a lot of these players in the past so it feels okay
(VOD shows Seoul winning Kick off Clash 4-0 over Philly Fusion
NineK: Oh Carpes expression came out (literally half covered in shadows)
Aid: I didn't want to become a useless coach. Every explayer wants to be the opposite of the coaches they hated
Tobi: When I first won I was so happy to finally get a star under the Seoul Dynasty banner for Gen G.
NineK: I thought at the time though "all that for a stage win?"
Aid: We were like Wow they really are happy for a stage win
Moon: Well it was their first win of course they're happy and they beat us to do it
NineK: As coaches we can tell whether they just got lucky or actually were prepared. Poor Carpe though
Topic 9: Q & A
Aid: If you became a coach again and had to form a team which players would you want?
Moon: Wait but isn't the answer for those year very obvious?
Tobi: Yeah just erase Moons name and put me in
NineK: Then mix and match a bit
Tobi: Smurf Stalk3r Lip Chorong seems very good and then Shu
NineK: That's basically Crazy Raccoons. I'll just say this is cause he doesn't watch it
Tobi: I watched all the big games actuall
Moon: If he was really keeping up with the scene wouldn't he have picked Donghak?
Aid: If Gen G or T1 asked you to coach or team up with Ryujehong again for OWCS?
Tobi: I already got an offer to play with them and said no
Aid: Oh really why?
Tobi: Cause I knew what would happen lol. The kids nowadays level of play is so high
NineK: Just for fun I guess
Tobi: Well yeah if I streamed it and stuff sure but the team even with me or without wouldn't have done well
Moon: Honestly the player gap between the experienced old guard and the new is high right now but you'd hope it would get closer by next year
NineK: More than player gaps I'd rather be worried about the coaching level. It's really just Moon Crusty Rush again. Tobi isn't coaching anymore either... so tobi this is to say coach again please.
Tobi: I did get an offer but the timing didn't work out.
Aid: Always the timing
Tobi: Before Falcons formed I think it could've worked but Smurf was gone and all the teams were formed and then I got the call and was a decent offer. But the timing was bad.
Moon: Where the players weren't available anymore. But just swipe them from their teams
Tobi: But I didn't wanna steal players with offers of contracts
Moon: Why not?
NineK: The difference between a dirty person and clean person
Moon: But the thing is they don't have contracts
NineK: Yeah wait they definitely would want money
Moon: That's my point he could've offered stability to more players in the scene
NineK: Then you are at fault Tobi
Tobi: There was a condition though. The org really wanted to win and asked if I could form a team to win.
Moon: Oh that would be hard (smiling in Crazy Raccoons)
NineK & Aid: (dies of laughter at the humble brag)
Moon: I did work really hard to swipe the good players.
NineK: Was it a foreign org?
Tobi: Yeah it was
Moon: I wish more teams came into the space
NineK: If tobi even at least coached Genesis they would've been better
Tobi: I did get that offer but said no
NineK: Didn't want to work for bottom feeder teams?
Tobi: Well I wasn't close with any of the players either
NineK: You shouldve just gone to orga offering up super teams and swiped like Moon did.
Moon: I just had a skeleton crew formed and did mine
NineK: Whatever it was it's just kind of sad Tobi isn't coaching actively right now is all
NineK: I like this question. If Coach Tobi could speak to player Tobi of the past what would you say to them?
Tobi: Probably to be sure of yourself and confident in your play and your decision. I used to basically fly to whoever screamed for help no matter who was in a bad position trying to help. I definitely learned afterwards and worked really hard to improve my Mercy
NineK: I remember at that time Yobi worked really hard to improve his Mercy and it was really good I agree. It's sad to hear given how things went for Seoul but it is a cool answer
Aid: ProFits from friend POV to players POV
Tobi: Profit whether as a friend or player was a great and reliable friend. Fits was the hassle
Aid: How so?
Tobi: Never listening always whining just a big baby. Cute little brother while Profit was a reliable friend
(Just chatting while looking for interesting questions)
Moon: I'm saying this now but Shanghai starting at 0-40 we worked so hard to hit that 40-40 and it took so long. We won so much and still took a while
NineK: A fun thing to ask whenever we have an ex-player is have they ever felt like watching a scrim they would do better?
Tobi: I have scrimmed actually. Vindaim was ill and in the hospital so I played. We won.
Ninek: You say yes to this question if you win the scrims if you lost you would say it didn't happen
Tobi: True
Tobi: Here's one about Seoul I like. Why did you when you had LeeSooMin and Krillin make Krillin a main support? The answer is Krillin said during Washington he got to try a bunch of heroes and LeeSooMin was pretty decent at Kirik at the time. I had worked one year with Vindaim and it was good for us so I hoped for the same to happen. The initial meta was good for us too until we hit the Sombra meta
NineK: I think the only ones happy to hit the Sombra meta was Atlanta
Moon: (struggling to find a good question when smurf comments in chat) Yo Smurf don't you need to go practice right now?
Moon: Sorry that was a joke
NineK: Oh I like that one
Tobi: So there's a question about our 2023 roster and I wanted to talk about it. Right after 2022 going into 2023 was to keep Smurf Profit then get Lip who was receiving some offers at the time keep Vindaim and get Twilight. This would've been my personal choice if I had the money to form my team but everyone ran out of money. I even had back ups for everyone but like Bernar planned but everything fell through
Moon: Do you regret picking up Void?
Tobi: No I don't
NineK: What about losing to former players of yours and stuff?
Moon: Want me to call Void and ask him what it felt like losing to the Fleta Tank?
NineK: Oh my god that sounds so good
Tobi: I think he's working right now
Moon: Oh that's right he would be working right now
NineK: Man I'm so curious. I hate losing to my former players
NineK: Wanted to know if back in OW1 you had a team fully built around you who would it be and would you win?
Tobi: Honestly looking at my history I'm kind of bad at forming teams lol. Honestly I could've been on NYXL in season 1 as well.
NineK: Wow.
Moon: I can say one thing. I've literally walked to his house before. He thought a lot about it. Like I didn't think it should be this hard a decision when I was so convincing.
Tobi: I just really wanted to run it back with Jehong one last time and Fearless wasn't in the planned roster at the time either.
Moon: True it was very early on in the team formation
Tobi: Yeah it's regrettable isn't it?
NineK: Tobi does make bad choices that's why he joined Fusion under me
Tobi: Timing worked for that time period though
NineK: Alright back to the question make your super team only caveat is you can't change them and have to run them seasons 1 through 6
Tobi: To be happily teamed with them Carpe Profit Gesture Fury...
NineK: Wait a second Ryujehong isn't being brought up
Tobi: We are excluding him from this but honestly there's way too many good flex supports so I don't know. Shu was really good but Viol2t is also nah just Shu.
NineK: Shu is fun and good.
Tobi: He's good at like everything. Even since season 2 when I'd play Mercy he would shoot me so much more than everyone else as Ana
NineK: When you went game 5 against MightyAOD any players that stood out to you?
Tobi: Did we go game 5 against MightyAOD? I genuinely can't remember the Lunatic Hai games that well outside of just like finals games anymore. I'm sorry but it's been years.
Moon: Ooh how did you feel about Prophet being on your team and then once he was dropped and went to 02Blast losing to him?
Tobi: He was good but the thing is whatever we put him on just didn't fit with how the team played and the Sombra meta was at its peak as well. We were tired and he was tired cause it just wasn't the best fit for either of us. I wanted him to keep doing well so I could be confident it was just a mismatch and that my scouting ability was still good. But then the meta swapped to like Widow Hanzo.
Moon: Oh wait so once again it's a choice Tobi made he regrets...
Tobi: Well no technically in the last game versus them we did win to be fair. Honestly though when he did win damn I felt low key a little bit upset/betrayed
NineK: Did you see him do the X on the Dynasty symbol spray?
Tobi: I didn't mind that all the players do that
NineK: Hears something funny for Moon to answer. " I heard Lip purposefully made sure not to wear the Fusion skins for Asia Finals is it true"
Moon: I specifically checked his PC to make sure he wasn't wearing it "Are you wearing a Fusion skin or not? Yes or no."
NineK: Wow you check their PCs?
Moon: Yeah I made sure none of them wore Fusion skins for Asia Finals
Tobi: Carpe might need to come on here at this point
Moon: I don't believe in jinxes like this but my players do so I did it just so they don't have to think for a second there is some Fusion curse that will make them lose
Tobi: Like you don't want unnecessary factors creeping into their minds
Moon: Exactly
NineK: Did you have any of those jinxes or lucky charms as a player?
Tobi: During Lunatic Hai I would on game days only eat noodle dishes and then we would win. I'd wear the same pair of socks for all the big games as well. But then I went to the League and kept losing and none of that stuff applied anymore
Moon: Yeah I don't believe in it as a supernatural force but whatever makes people more confident the better
(Randomly scrolling for questions)
Moon: I really did wanna try coaching Dynasty once.
Tobi: Why?
Moon: You know as a Korean it was kind of sad seeing the Korean team under perform I wanted to go there after my contract with Shanghai ended and try to get them a big win
Tobi: I see
Moon: Now that I'm thinking about it I never got an offer from Seoul ever
NineK: Really? I think I got an offer from Seoul basically every year since 2019
Moon: Oh one thing I really wanted to ask was how you beat the Infernal (Dynasty vs Infernal early 2023 when Infernal scrimbux was way better than everyone else)
Tobi: Oh that? They just played poorly.
Moon: I was so curious cause they were supposed to be so good
Tobi: Yeah they must have been nervous or something we didn't win cause we were better they were just worse that day.
NineK: When Tobi first joined Fusion he actually beat Dynasty and was so happy about it. He was such a good player to have he was on the bench for quite a while initially but kept his mental up and was a very good teammate for us.
Final Words
Tobi: I'm not actually retired from coaching. I still keep up with the League and love the game. I hope Overwatch keeps growing and I want everyone to know I'm not gone just yet. If there's a chance I'm ready whenever
NineK: Honestly I will say a lot of Overwatch kids have this issue not just Tobi where they hope opportunity will fall on their laps.
Tobi: I'll agree. It was my first time doing this stuff and I had no idea what the scene was going to be like.
Moon: I was very proactive and quick about it for sure
NineK: Do you have any team you'd like to join? Quickly before we end the podcast appeal to Moon for a job
Tobi: Well if you just give me the call I'm ready
Moon: Well one thing I will note when Tobi was talking about coaches he asked for advice on being a coach he didn't contact me at all? Even though we talked for hours?
Tobi: I only contacted the people I actually worked under. I didn't want to bother everyone with my questions. It's not like I could expect other coaches that don't know me as well would divulge their secrets
Moon: I would've. I think it would have been very cool if you asked for my help
Tobi: Well to be fair before you joined I did say Crusty NineK Moon and Rush were the coaches I really wanted to try working with
NineK: It's not too late Tobi he's here now
Aid: Anyways final thoughts from you Tobi?
Tobi: It's been a while since I got to see fans of Overwatch and sit down with fellow coaches. I hope you all keep supporting Overwatch University and myself in the future.
NineK and Aid: Thank you to Moon as well for helping us last minute.
Moon: It's no problem I saw Tobis face and wanted to join right away.
submitted by Finklemeire to Competitiveoverwatch [link] [comments]
Topic 1 Intros and Seoul Dynasty Season 1
Aid: Have you seen Overwatch University given you have been invited by NineK
Tobi: Not really. I've skimmed around and seen pieces of the Crusty interview and Moon interview.
Aid: We're going to go over Tobis lengthy career as we were both pros
NineK: Isn't it kind of disrespectful to Tobi for you to group him up with you?
Aid: I had a lot of talent I just got cursed with a shit Coach like you NineK right Tobi?
Tobi: True
Aid: See two instances of your failures
NineK: What does that make the people who won under me? You two must've been the problem.
Aid: (pulled up Seoul Dynasty s1 roster and Tobi just explains who all of them were) Honestly you guys didn't do amazing right?
Tobi: No we were bad we went 7-3, 7-3, 5-5, and then 3-7. Just mid
NineK: Did you feel in preseason scrims you were in trouble?
Tobi: No I didn't we did very well even in the preseason games we won everything.
Rush: There any problems we didn't know about you can tell us?
Tobi: I can tell all the potential members we could've had though. Carpe, Fury, Gesture, Jjonak
NineK: Wow you started and ended with Seoul now that I think about it.
Aid: So we heard lots of rumors about Seoul but I heard you had unique member rotations where only allowing certain players for certain stages?
Tobi: If I'm clarifying a bit the split rosters was more of a season 2 decision with an A team and B team where eventually the roster mixed together. Biggest issue was the coaches couldn't agree. So sometimes they would just take turns like coach A gets to decide today then coach B gets to decide what to do and then coach c.
NineK: I heard you basically did that with a new coach per stage.
Rush: Who was your head coach?
Tobi: 4 coaches + extras
Aid: How did you decide who played what?
Tobi: Honestly the meta was so hard locked at the time the biggest issue was the coaches disagreed how we should play and it was very confusing how we should do it. We basically went back and forth with a coach of the day deciding what we did.
NineK: Too many games too. That's how Shanghai went 0-40 cause there was way too much. Not to mention no one wanted to scrim them cause it's not like you wanted to be their first victory either.
Tobi: We scrimmed them a bit
NineK: Wow you're nice people.
Tobi: They've invited us over at times and made food for us too.
Rush: Yeah there's pictures of it.
NineK: Cause of the Korean members?
Tobi: No this was way before that
NineK: Wow so kind. Isn't it cause your results weren't good either?
Tobi: Uhhh... Where were you in season 1?
NineK: I came in late. Stage 3. Season 1 was fun though
Aid: Honestly getting dragged back and forth by your coaches must be stressful. As a player there has got to be times when you do something one way and think to yourself why the heck does he want me to do it this way instead
NineK: Also they'd probably never had that many members to work with either since they just added players to Lunatic Hai
Tobi: True. We had 11 starting members and then acquired Gambler when I was having wrist issues. Then we lost another member and went back to 11. I truly believe having 12 members was so pointless
NineK: I agree like it's good if you can make it work but if you don't it just makes people feel awful. I don't know why people insisted so much on large rosters.
Tobi: Lots of people lots of possibilities I guess?
Rush: Also this is when OWL wanted to copy traditional sports so they got a bunch of players on their rosters
Tobi: They did invest more in OWL back then
NineK: They were really the team designed to win everything weren't they?
Rush: I remember an article saying they had an 80% chance of winning
NineK: People don't get how hard this time was cause of the random Mercy meta. Honestly probably wouldn't have been this bad for Seoul if patches came out like they do now
Tobi: Meta was unfavorable sure but we just played poorly to be honest
NineK: Wow so honest very cool
Topic 2: Ryujekong
Aid: Everyone was so confused by Ryujehong on Tank I want to hear what happened
Tobi: Honestly it's been so long I don't remember this time very well. I also wasn't even scrimming or playing at the time because of my wrist. I was basically just going to the doctor. We had kuki who for reasons was having troubles so he stopped playing and then Miro was having a lot of struggles at the time as well with how the meta was playing. It's mostly because of the comms cause obviously Miro had better mechanics Jehong sucks at primaling too but he would take space well and call out commands for the team to help
Aid: How did your scrims go?
Tobi: I don't remember
NineK: He can't help but not remember there were only scrims allowed at the practice facilities at the time and kids that were ill like him straight up just didn't even go. There were set times
Aid: So this isn't Jehongs main position and he was forced to tank must have been hard.
NineK & Rush: Must be
Tobi: It absolutely was. Imagine how sorry he felt to Miro. He was a support replacing Miro. If he fails not only does he get ridiculed for it but people slander Miro for being replaced by a tank of this caliber he felt very burdened feeling sorry that Miro might get insulted more than he did
NineK: I remember at the time a lot of people said Jehong had a bad Zenyatta as well but I thought it was good
Aid: Yeah I don't really see how he was particularly bad
NineK: Honestly the way things were he was probably just getting compared to Jjonak who was a beast at the time. The flame for Jehong was insane at the time
Aid: I remember his team would just hyper pocket Jjonak and have him just frag. NYXL were so defensive and good at pocketing.
NineK: In another way of seeing things that playstyle not being meta anymore might be why NYXL couldn't hack it in finals.
(Watching VOD of Seoul vs London)
NineK: Damn Munchkin fucking sucked at Tracer
Rush: Wait why is Fleta playing Widow?
Tobi: He was really good at Widow
NineK: He was
Rush: Then what is Munchkin good at
NineK: Just Cassidy Soldier. But Widow was so broken back then
Aid: Monkey could never catch her cause of her grapple cooldown
NineK: Nearly all the monkeys sucked at primal dribbling too. If a Mercy pocketed her she never died either. Who was good then again? Carpe...
Tobi: Linkzr Surefour Pine
Aid: Wow such names from my memories
NineK: Gesture Fury were way too good at Monkey D.va. Honestly there's so much shit about London I wanna expose
Aid: Bring Profit
NineK: I'll get Rascal easily. Wow Bdosin looks so young here what the he'll.
Topic 3: End of Season 2 VOD of Jehong Tobi Crying Post Elimination to Spark
Aid: I didn't know this happened at the time but NineK mentioned this happened can you explain?
Tobi: At the time role lock got forced and doomfist hanzo reaper were good. At the time we were kind of really good in scrims but lost to a team in tournament we never lost too in scrims. Jehong was already out there crying and I didn't want to come out and Danny kept forcing me to come out even though I said I didn't want too. But I was afraid the broadcast would get delayed or ruined cause of me so I was forced to.
Ninek: At the time we were preparing for our game up right after them but our GM was so fuxking angry at the time like how could you force them to do this right after they lost he complained a lot to Blizzard. Cause just imagine, thank God you brought out two veterans and media trained players. Imagine if you brought out complete noobies if it was this hard for these 2 veterans imagine what they might let slip on a broadcast when emotions are this high. This is also right after their season ended and they were officially eliminated.
Rush: From Blizzards POV these 2 were icons of the game and they probably felt like they could really show the importance and feelings toward this game to the audience watching
NineK: But like RIGHT after they lost is insane to me. Like let them process instead of fucking ambushing them as they're coming down from the stage.
Rush: But it's important cause this is when they're at the peak of the emotions being felt so I get it.
NineK: There's actually so many players who went down that stage to the hallways down crying
Aid: Of course they work hard and it didn't work.
Tobi: When we scrimmed we only lost to 1 team ever. Shock. We beat Vancouver NYXL Spark everyone else.
NineK: Wow so strong
Tobi: But in the end we just lost to Spark
NineK: I can say this now but we scrimmed Hangzhou a lot at this time. They didn't have a coach we were their coaches. Literally they would scrim us and copy us the next day in games. Since GOATs they basically decided they couldn't beat us so they copied our opening strats positioning skill usage everything. That's why they did decent
Aid: So Seoul lost cause of you
Tobi: We regretted a lot because of some of our microplays. There was a thing when double shield was first happening where Moria sprays her heals on the tanks right? The enemy Sigmas could shoot their shield out behind the Orisa to block the heals. And we thought this was possible but went and said it wasn't going to be a difference maker and ignored it
NineK: Wait we were doing that since day 1 lol
Tobi: We lost to Spark because of that. We felt awful cause this is something we thought could happen but ignored. At the time Marvel was our Sigma and Michelle who was a traditional offtank was forced on Orisa. We had Fissure who was good at Orisa who retired so we had no Orisas.
Aid: Timings always been off for Seoul I guess
NineK: No wonder you felt so many emotions. I was so sad seeing this. Seoul was honestly so good in season 2 but always somehow was just one step short. It hurt my heart to see them.
Aid: Players don't like to cry like that so they have to have been feeling so much to cry like this
Topic 4: Seoul vs Shanghai
Aid: We had Moon and he said some stuff on this we were all in the West and we would just see the results but this May Melee where you were up 3-0 and got reverse swept... your stories about this?
Tobi: We didn't get ahead of ourselves Shanghai was always good at Gibraltr and we thought we would lose this map but win the rest for a 4-1. I'm not sure how we lost Busan though
Tobi: We won a lot with our double shield
Rush: Fearless wasn't supposed to play
Aid: Fearless told me at the time he didn't get to scrim even once and then came in and won everything
NineK: Wow
Aid: Yeah no scrims at all
NineK: Wait Tobi why us Bdosin on Brig and you on Baptiste?
Tobi: I played the Baptiste for Seoul at the time cause Bdosin fucking sucked at Bap. This mother fucker could never use his abilities properly. He must've gotten sick in the head watching Viol2t play or something cause whenever he had cooldowns he would be on some high ground alone shooting and scream "Aghhh" and die off on his own
NineK: I remember now it wasn't super locked who played what because no one had Briggitte experience at the time
Tobi: Also if this happened there would be cases where in double shield mirror your Brig had to swap to Zenyatta but at the time Gesture had too many complaints about coordinating his pulls with Bdosin
NineK: I have no idea how Seoul lost this right now
Tobi: There's no absolutes in Overwatch. But the only thing I remember is our loss in Junkertown
Aid: For Kings Row I remember the Felta carry with Widow this was probably in all of those OWL top 5 highlights. I still can't believe how far Shnghai got in Junkertown though
NineK: Wow even Fearless is playing Orisa here
Tobi: That's why we thought we would win here. It's such a double tank focused map. Fits was randomly flanked high on the left and I td him to get down but he died on our A defense.
NineK: Wow you guys got out ult cycled like crazy
Rush: The Torbjorn choice here leaves a lot to be desired
NineK: I agree
Aid: So then there is that little celebration Shanghai did how did you feel
Tobi: Can I curse?
NineK: Seoul is just so ugh... like back in season 2 they beat New York during GOATs who was supposed to be top 2 but Seould couldn't take those next steps to greatness here as well. There are those super important games that once you win you just go on a roll and Seoul never got to do it
Tobi: I really hated losing to Shanghai cause I could've been on the team.
NineK: Really?
Tobi: Yeah I received offers from them on 3 separate occasions but ended up choosing Seoul. I wanted to believe I made the right choice so I wanted to win
Topic 5: Tobi Happy. Season 3
Aid: There's this gif of you happy after a win
NineK: It's so funny you took your glasses off before cheering
Tobi: At the time we lost to Shanghai so often but then finally beat them
NineK: The thing is Seoul was lucky cause they actually shouldn't have been in the season 3 finals originally.
Rush: Washington was the biggest offender
NineK: Off memory it felt like a "everyone suffered because of COVID so everyone gets a chance" thing
Tobi: But the thing to note is we did well in the West before we were forced to go to Korea and beat Glads and Valiant. We won like all of our scrims at the time.
NineK: Fine I'll give you that
Rush: Seoul was honestly really good during the online era
Aid: What did you think of the Hog meta?
Tobi: I was a huge doubter. Like at the time it was Zarya Hog or Sigma Hog. It just had none of the fundamentals of Overwatch I was used to seeing. I just couldn't believe it.
NineK: Tobis a purist "where do you come from thinking Hog could ever be a main tank"
Tobi: His ability to take space was unreal at the time. But Gesture was really into it and Wizardhyeong pushed for it
Aid: Gesture was a really good Hog though
NineK: All the guys there had good Hogs. Gesture Super Smurf Fearless were all good at it
Rush: But Shanghai didn't play it
NineK: I don't know Shanghais reasoning but I know Shock played how they did cause Viol2t fucking sucked at Ana lol. The thing is he did win with it but his scrim results as Ana was terrible
Rush: Viol2t Ana is known in the community as weaker though
NineK: But he doesn't think so
Tobi: I heard it got to the point where Crusty said he would do better if he played than Viol2t
NineK: That's why Architect played it for a bit. They had Twilight but I have no idea why they didn't use him more. I don't know how much I should say when there's no Shock rep from the time here but as far as I Know Super wasn't supposed to play. Smurf was but he didn't fit with his playstyle and the team well enough at the time
Tobi: If I have to point out regrets in the Shock game it was not using Zenyatta on Busan
NineK: But shouldn't you playing something other than the Ashe?
Tobi: No this was when Ashe was super broken and Profit was really good at her
Aid: The more I see it the more I really feel regrets about Seouls performances
NineK: That's what I've been saying Seoul was almost never bad and had huge upside a lot for different points in time. Honestly they're Asia's Philly Fusion
Tobi: You know how it is NineK if one thing changed with your Hotba strategy or Rascal not waking the monkey
NineK: I had a team with Tobi and Carpe and caught the 2nd place curse
Tobi: Woah why are you blaming me I've won plenty.
NineK: I did too before meeting you guys
Tobi: Then it's Carpes fault
NineK: I guess it is lol
Aid: At this point we need to have Carpe on to defend himself
NineK: We're going to go watch his games this Saturday
Tobi: The Hollwood bug pissed me off too
(Vod review where Tobi popped Valkyrie in spawn and the D.va bomb from Choi killed Tobi in the respawn room) this and Viol2t living at 1 health
Aid: Wow you guys are just destined to not win that day
Tobi: It was everything against us honestly
NineK: Honestly in the regular Hog comps Seoul and Dhock were about even but Seoul couldn't beat Shocks Hog and Ball Comp
Tobi: I actually wanted to go Numbani here instead of Hollywood
NineK: I remember at this time Choihyobin was getting gapped by Hanbin a bit and all of us joked his time was over and Hanbin would replace him as the new offtank goat
NineK: I remember at this time Shock felt Bdosin was scarier. They took more maps with him. Even though they defended better with Creative
Tobi: I think at the time he wasn't getting too much scrim time so he just said to let Creative play
Topic 6 Coach Tobi
Aid: You came back after being a player for Fusion to being Head Coach of Seoul Dynasty how was that for you?
Tobi: I kind of just stopped feeling the desire to compete like "I definitely can still compete mechanically but guess it might just not work out from here"
Tobi: Was worried that newer players he hadn't yet played with wouldn't follow his leadership well
Aid: So who was the player who least listened to you
Tobi: Everyone below me followed very well
Aid: So did you work well with the other coaches given it was mentioned there were previously conflicting visions?
Tobi: Oh these people were later coaches and we had very good talks together and worked well together
NineK: Since we wanna wait for our other guest when we talk about the next topic let's move on and talk about our time together in Fusion
Tobi: There were a lot of regrets weren't there?
NineK: The biggest problem for me was I didn't know we would be playing in Korea when I made the roster and heard it from someone from another team.
NineK: I felt sorry to Carpe for that. He's like Seoul where certain key moments not working out it feels like de-railed everything for him.
Aid: What did you think when you joined and first got to know NineK?
Tobi: When I joined I did so because I heard so much good stuff about him. Like he just knows a lot about Overwatch so I was curious about him and learned a lot. There's Crusty NineK Moon and Rush that are the coaches that are very well talked about that I was curious about. I got to meet NineK and Wow I'd never believed someone could get so angry over this game he would slam on the desk yelling while coaching. But the thing was while doing that he would always be right about what he's saying
Topic 7: Moon Joins
(Moon joins the podcast because Rush was lagging out)
NineK: So is it true you sent offers to Tobi
Moon: I guess I should say hi first. My name is Coach Moon who tried to get Tobi every year but failed.
NineK: I tried that with Fury
Aid: Is one of the reasons you wanted to beat Seoul no matter what because you didn't get to recruit Tobi?
Moon: No actually around that time I got in a lot of trouble with my wife. She said I talked to Tobi more than her. This was before we signed LeeJaeGon
Tobi: In 2020 season Shanghai actually had a lot of players I wanted to play with. Fleta Lip and such. As well as just giving a better offer out right.
NineK: Void too.
Tobi: Yeah always keeps contact with him too. But I really wanted to run it back with Ryujehong one last time because of the regrets of our last 2 seasons together to redeem ourselves. But he ended up choosing Vancouver and as I ended up wanting to go to Shanghai instead, they ended up already getting LeeJaeGon instead
Aid: Man the timing has just never worked out for Tobi
NineK: When he was on Fusion with me he used to always joke "damn if I was on Shanghai at least I could've been winning while benched"
Moon: So at the time LeeJaeGon and Tobi were my first choices but LJG told me he didn't want to join because he wanted to go to Mayhem with other Runaway members and then Tobi was looking at Seoul so I almost ended up with no one. But eventually LeeJaeGon chose us and tobi reached out the day after that.
NineK: So you regret not getting Tobi?
Moon: I mean you can't argue this given our results...
Tobi: They did so well
NineK: Tobi would've made the team fun for you though. That season was really bad for us but we had a lot of fun
Topic 8: Seoul vs Shanghai KickOff Clash
Aid: It looked like Seoul was happier beating Shanghai in winners finals than beating Philly in finals
Moon: The thing was the situation was so terrible for us at this time. We were quarantined with nothing.
Tobi: This team was the one we wanted to beat more than anyone else. It's why Profit was crying at the end of it all.
Moon: I will say their strats against us were very good they deserved the win regardless of what circumstances we had
Tobi: This gave me PTSD cause there was a moment when we were reverse swept in May Melee where Bdosin got pulsed with Rally. I told Vindsim no matter what to hold your shield up when he has it and in this one moment in the VOD he got stuck by fleta but thankfully Profit clutched
NineK: I will say when we got to the Hawaii LAN Shock picked you guys at Shanghai and I'll just say I didn't want to pick you.
Aid: Ahh it was the eternal rivals (implying Crusty chose Shanghai for revenge)
Moon: This time was really tough for us and we had a bunch of retirements after this. I think we thought more about what we would get to eat the next day or when we would be able to go to a Koreatown for the food we missed
NineK: It was so long
Moon: Honestly it was the hardest times for us.
NineK: It was really tough for us as well lockdown was so long.
Moon: I honestly don't want to hear lockdown complaints from anyone around me. If we were offline and I told you our horror stories everyone here would cry.
NineK: I mean everyone suffered but this sounds like military stories lol. Like everyone thinks they had it the hardest. Anyways Tobi tell us how you did things that led to that win.
Tobi: So you know there are things a lot of us say behind the scenes about coaches right? Like this guy is more of just a caretaker or this guy is more just strategies but I really wanted to be the coach who wouldn't have players feel bad I was their Coach. It's why I asked for a lot of help from previous coaches I worked under. I wanted all of my least favorite aspects of coaches I've seen in the past to not be things my players go through I let them all speak casually to me so they wouldn't be uncomfortable with me
NineK: Moon has the opposite take. He said his players can never act chummy with him and will always refer to him as coach
Tobi: My feelings were that I had previously worked with a lot of these players in the past so it feels okay
(VOD shows Seoul winning Kick off Clash 4-0 over Philly Fusion
NineK: Oh Carpes expression came out (literally half covered in shadows)
Aid: I didn't want to become a useless coach. Every explayer wants to be the opposite of the coaches they hated
Tobi: When I first won I was so happy to finally get a star under the Seoul Dynasty banner for Gen G.
NineK: I thought at the time though "all that for a stage win?"
Aid: We were like Wow they really are happy for a stage win
Moon: Well it was their first win of course they're happy and they beat us to do it
NineK: As coaches we can tell whether they just got lucky or actually were prepared. Poor Carpe though
Topic 9: Q & A
Aid: If you became a coach again and had to form a team which players would you want?
Moon: Wait but isn't the answer for those year very obvious?
Tobi: Yeah just erase Moons name and put me in
NineK: Then mix and match a bit
Tobi: Smurf Stalk3r Lip Chorong seems very good and then Shu
NineK: That's basically Crazy Raccoons. I'll just say this is cause he doesn't watch it
Tobi: I watched all the big games actuall
Moon: If he was really keeping up with the scene wouldn't he have picked Donghak?
Aid: If Gen G or T1 asked you to coach or team up with Ryujehong again for OWCS?
Tobi: I already got an offer to play with them and said no
Aid: Oh really why?
Tobi: Cause I knew what would happen lol. The kids nowadays level of play is so high
NineK: Just for fun I guess
Tobi: Well yeah if I streamed it and stuff sure but the team even with me or without wouldn't have done well
Moon: Honestly the player gap between the experienced old guard and the new is high right now but you'd hope it would get closer by next year
NineK: More than player gaps I'd rather be worried about the coaching level. It's really just Moon Crusty Rush again. Tobi isn't coaching anymore either... so tobi this is to say coach again please.
Tobi: I did get an offer but the timing didn't work out.
Aid: Always the timing
Tobi: Before Falcons formed I think it could've worked but Smurf was gone and all the teams were formed and then I got the call and was a decent offer. But the timing was bad.
Moon: Where the players weren't available anymore. But just swipe them from their teams
Tobi: But I didn't wanna steal players with offers of contracts
Moon: Why not?
NineK: The difference between a dirty person and clean person
Moon: But the thing is they don't have contracts
NineK: Yeah wait they definitely would want money
Moon: That's my point he could've offered stability to more players in the scene
NineK: Then you are at fault Tobi
Tobi: There was a condition though. The org really wanted to win and asked if I could form a team to win.
Moon: Oh that would be hard (smiling in Crazy Raccoons)
NineK & Aid: (dies of laughter at the humble brag)
Moon: I did work really hard to swipe the good players.
NineK: Was it a foreign org?
Tobi: Yeah it was
Moon: I wish more teams came into the space
NineK: If tobi even at least coached Genesis they would've been better
Tobi: I did get that offer but said no
NineK: Didn't want to work for bottom feeder teams?
Tobi: Well I wasn't close with any of the players either
NineK: You shouldve just gone to orga offering up super teams and swiped like Moon did.
Moon: I just had a skeleton crew formed and did mine
NineK: Whatever it was it's just kind of sad Tobi isn't coaching actively right now is all
NineK: I like this question. If Coach Tobi could speak to player Tobi of the past what would you say to them?
Tobi: Probably to be sure of yourself and confident in your play and your decision. I used to basically fly to whoever screamed for help no matter who was in a bad position trying to help. I definitely learned afterwards and worked really hard to improve my Mercy
NineK: I remember at that time Yobi worked really hard to improve his Mercy and it was really good I agree. It's sad to hear given how things went for Seoul but it is a cool answer
Aid: ProFits from friend POV to players POV
Tobi: Profit whether as a friend or player was a great and reliable friend. Fits was the hassle
Aid: How so?
Tobi: Never listening always whining just a big baby. Cute little brother while Profit was a reliable friend
(Just chatting while looking for interesting questions)
Moon: I'm saying this now but Shanghai starting at 0-40 we worked so hard to hit that 40-40 and it took so long. We won so much and still took a while
NineK: A fun thing to ask whenever we have an ex-player is have they ever felt like watching a scrim they would do better?
Tobi: I have scrimmed actually. Vindaim was ill and in the hospital so I played. We won.
Ninek: You say yes to this question if you win the scrims if you lost you would say it didn't happen
Tobi: True
Tobi: Here's one about Seoul I like. Why did you when you had LeeSooMin and Krillin make Krillin a main support? The answer is Krillin said during Washington he got to try a bunch of heroes and LeeSooMin was pretty decent at Kirik at the time. I had worked one year with Vindaim and it was good for us so I hoped for the same to happen. The initial meta was good for us too until we hit the Sombra meta
NineK: I think the only ones happy to hit the Sombra meta was Atlanta
Moon: (struggling to find a good question when smurf comments in chat) Yo Smurf don't you need to go practice right now?
Moon: Sorry that was a joke
NineK: Oh I like that one
Tobi: So there's a question about our 2023 roster and I wanted to talk about it. Right after 2022 going into 2023 was to keep Smurf Profit then get Lip who was receiving some offers at the time keep Vindaim and get Twilight. This would've been my personal choice if I had the money to form my team but everyone ran out of money. I even had back ups for everyone but like Bernar planned but everything fell through
Moon: Do you regret picking up Void?
Tobi: No I don't
NineK: What about losing to former players of yours and stuff?
Moon: Want me to call Void and ask him what it felt like losing to the Fleta Tank?
NineK: Oh my god that sounds so good
Tobi: I think he's working right now
Moon: Oh that's right he would be working right now
NineK: Man I'm so curious. I hate losing to my former players
NineK: Wanted to know if back in OW1 you had a team fully built around you who would it be and would you win?
Tobi: Honestly looking at my history I'm kind of bad at forming teams lol. Honestly I could've been on NYXL in season 1 as well.
NineK: Wow.
Moon: I can say one thing. I've literally walked to his house before. He thought a lot about it. Like I didn't think it should be this hard a decision when I was so convincing.
Tobi: I just really wanted to run it back with Jehong one last time and Fearless wasn't in the planned roster at the time either.
Moon: True it was very early on in the team formation
Tobi: Yeah it's regrettable isn't it?
NineK: Tobi does make bad choices that's why he joined Fusion under me
Tobi: Timing worked for that time period though
NineK: Alright back to the question make your super team only caveat is you can't change them and have to run them seasons 1 through 6
Tobi: To be happily teamed with them Carpe Profit Gesture Fury...
NineK: Wait a second Ryujehong isn't being brought up
Tobi: We are excluding him from this but honestly there's way too many good flex supports so I don't know. Shu was really good but Viol2t is also nah just Shu.
NineK: Shu is fun and good.
Tobi: He's good at like everything. Even since season 2 when I'd play Mercy he would shoot me so much more than everyone else as Ana
NineK: When you went game 5 against MightyAOD any players that stood out to you?
Tobi: Did we go game 5 against MightyAOD? I genuinely can't remember the Lunatic Hai games that well outside of just like finals games anymore. I'm sorry but it's been years.
Moon: Ooh how did you feel about Prophet being on your team and then once he was dropped and went to 02Blast losing to him?
Tobi: He was good but the thing is whatever we put him on just didn't fit with how the team played and the Sombra meta was at its peak as well. We were tired and he was tired cause it just wasn't the best fit for either of us. I wanted him to keep doing well so I could be confident it was just a mismatch and that my scouting ability was still good. But then the meta swapped to like Widow Hanzo.
Moon: Oh wait so once again it's a choice Tobi made he regrets...
Tobi: Well no technically in the last game versus them we did win to be fair. Honestly though when he did win damn I felt low key a little bit upset/betrayed
NineK: Did you see him do the X on the Dynasty symbol spray?
Tobi: I didn't mind that all the players do that
NineK: Hears something funny for Moon to answer. " I heard Lip purposefully made sure not to wear the Fusion skins for Asia Finals is it true"
Moon: I specifically checked his PC to make sure he wasn't wearing it "Are you wearing a Fusion skin or not? Yes or no."
NineK: Wow you check their PCs?
Moon: Yeah I made sure none of them wore Fusion skins for Asia Finals
Tobi: Carpe might need to come on here at this point
Moon: I don't believe in jinxes like this but my players do so I did it just so they don't have to think for a second there is some Fusion curse that will make them lose
Tobi: Like you don't want unnecessary factors creeping into their minds
Moon: Exactly
NineK: Did you have any of those jinxes or lucky charms as a player?
Tobi: During Lunatic Hai I would on game days only eat noodle dishes and then we would win. I'd wear the same pair of socks for all the big games as well. But then I went to the League and kept losing and none of that stuff applied anymore
Moon: Yeah I don't believe in it as a supernatural force but whatever makes people more confident the better
(Randomly scrolling for questions)
Moon: I really did wanna try coaching Dynasty once.
Tobi: Why?
Moon: You know as a Korean it was kind of sad seeing the Korean team under perform I wanted to go there after my contract with Shanghai ended and try to get them a big win
Tobi: I see
Moon: Now that I'm thinking about it I never got an offer from Seoul ever
NineK: Really? I think I got an offer from Seoul basically every year since 2019
Moon: Oh one thing I really wanted to ask was how you beat the Infernal (Dynasty vs Infernal early 2023 when Infernal scrimbux was way better than everyone else)
Tobi: Oh that? They just played poorly.
Moon: I was so curious cause they were supposed to be so good
Tobi: Yeah they must have been nervous or something we didn't win cause we were better they were just worse that day.
NineK: When Tobi first joined Fusion he actually beat Dynasty and was so happy about it. He was such a good player to have he was on the bench for quite a while initially but kept his mental up and was a very good teammate for us.
Final Words
Tobi: I'm not actually retired from coaching. I still keep up with the League and love the game. I hope Overwatch keeps growing and I want everyone to know I'm not gone just yet. If there's a chance I'm ready whenever
NineK: Honestly I will say a lot of Overwatch kids have this issue not just Tobi where they hope opportunity will fall on their laps.
Tobi: I'll agree. It was my first time doing this stuff and I had no idea what the scene was going to be like.
Moon: I was very proactive and quick about it for sure
NineK: Do you have any team you'd like to join? Quickly before we end the podcast appeal to Moon for a job
Tobi: Well if you just give me the call I'm ready
Moon: Well one thing I will note when Tobi was talking about coaches he asked for advice on being a coach he didn't contact me at all? Even though we talked for hours?
Tobi: I only contacted the people I actually worked under. I didn't want to bother everyone with my questions. It's not like I could expect other coaches that don't know me as well would divulge their secrets
Moon: I would've. I think it would have been very cool if you asked for my help
Tobi: Well to be fair before you joined I did say Crusty NineK Moon and Rush were the coaches I really wanted to try working with
NineK: It's not too late Tobi he's here now
Aid: Anyways final thoughts from you Tobi?
Tobi: It's been a while since I got to see fans of Overwatch and sit down with fellow coaches. I hope you all keep supporting Overwatch University and myself in the future.
NineK and Aid: Thank you to Moon as well for helping us last minute.
Moon: It's no problem I saw Tobis face and wanted to join right away.
2024.05.16 23:03 Icy-Solution-8921 Upper endoscopy leads to pain?!
So I had an upper endoscopy yesterday morning. Ever since I got home, I have barely been able to swallow even saliva without pain. Furthermore, every time I need to belch, I also have severe pain. I have barely been able to eat or drink. Pretty sure, there shouldn’t be pain or at least the pain I’m currently experiencing after this procedure. Any ideas? Thanks in advance.
submitted by Icy-Solution-8921 to Gastritis [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 23:01 Which-Simple-6828 Would I Be The Ahole If I broke off a 8 yr friendship Because she gave me a giant bruise on my arm.
I (18F) have a friend (17F) who we’ll call Cleo, for context me and this friend met through a homeschooling group when I was 6 and she was 5, at this time she really hated me and she continued to hate me for 3-4 years, sometimes I wouldn’t even go into the classroom/room because she would always insult me or punch me etc. (please note I have high-functioning autism, and I do not pick up on social cues therefore I did not know that she was bullying me until I was 9, I thought she was joking or that was just what normal kids did to their friends) when I was around 10 we actually started becoming friends and that was because I was no longer friends with my friend (17F), who stuck up for me, but for that reason Cleo resented her. (We stopped being friends for other reasons besides that). But anyway pushing past context, now we’ve been friends for 8 years but during our friendship she’s done extremely weird things, at one point we were just play fighting then she started to tackle me and choke me, I pushed her off and I was like “wtf is wrong with u” and she said “I was just playing”. I didn’t think anything of it but then low and behold, now it’s been 7 years and we’re still play fighting, now I’m stronger than her but I don’t take that for granted because if I did she would either have a broken arm or neck (I have almost accidentally broken her arm and neck bc of “play fighting” multiple times), so the whole reason I got the bruise was because during a group study at the library we were once again just playing around and pretending to punch each other, but then she goes to the right and then I accidentally punch her, she starts making a big deal about it, and accusing me of doing it on purpose, I denied it and I told her that she shouldn’t have went to the right if she knew I was still making the punching motion, to which she replied “I should’ve stopped because I heard people trying to get to the bookshelf behind me”. I didn’t hear anyone and either way I wasn’t in the way of the bookshelf, after she said that she punched me in the arm. I yelled in pain because I had broken that arm 2-3 years ago, but if it still hurts a lot when someone even punches it lightly. She called me “over-dramatic” so I left without saying another thing to the group or her. When I got home my arm still hurt so I took off my shirt and it revealed a big bruise the size of a baseball, I was fuming so I called her to tell her the our friendship is over, and this is the last straw, but I need to make sure this is the absolutely right decision before I do it, also btw I’ve called 3 different friends and 2 out of 1 say “I’m being an ahole because we’ve been good friends besides this for years, and when we go out to eat she always pays, etc.” I do agree with them because besides our play fights she’s been a great friend and a good source of support if I ever need it. So would I be the whole?.
submitted by Which-Simple-6828 to WouldIBeTheAhole [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 22:52 Upstxte New to panic attacks
Hi all, I’m not new to anxiety and have experienced it since I was around 14. However I’ve never had a panic attack until a couple months ago (January). I got home from a long day and ended up going to my girlfriends parents house, to house sit for the night. I was sitting on the couch with her when I experienced a random chest pain (that has always happened, ever since I can remember) but this one was different because just a month prior my dad had a severe heart attack and that’s all I could think about. I freaked out and suffered my first panic attack, that one lasted around 5 hours fully before I was able to go to sleep. It wasn’t that bad but ever since I will get them. It doesn’t matter if I’m at home by myself, with family or even out in public. I now have a panic attack at least once every 2 weeks, they are mostly not a big deal and I have learned that playing games on my phone are a good way to distract myself. The other day however (Monday), I experienced a panic attack while out with my girlfriend and it was by far the worst one since. I got very nauseous, I wanted to puke and my whole body was just sweaty and tense. That one really sucked and put a lot of stress on my body to where I have been feeling off and tired since (it’s now Thursday). I know panic attacks make your body and brain tired but this is my first time ever feeling this way for so long after. I have been eating, hydrating and resting but it doesn’t seem to work. I am a fairly active male in my 20s and have never felt this drained and sort of brain foggy from anything before. I’m not any medications for it but would like to be on some in the future.
I would really appreciate any feedback that wouldn’t make me feel crazy for feeling so lethargic days after… or any advice on how you learned to cope with panic attacks after the first one.
submitted by Upstxte to Anxiety [link] [comments]
I would really appreciate any feedback that wouldn’t make me feel crazy for feeling so lethargic days after… or any advice on how you learned to cope with panic attacks after the first one.
2024.05.16 22:51 tabbytheo Review: DI w/ Nip Grafts by Dr Tuve at Reformkliniken in Malmö
I had DI w/ free Nip Grafts at Reformkliniken in Malmö on 18th April! Dr Tuve was my surgeon. I wanted to leave a review here since a few things happened that I wasn't prepared for and maybe this'll help anyone else!
I am from the UK and decided to have surgery privately with Dr Tuve as it was much cheaper than the UK. The cost of the surgery was 65000 SEK which is about £4800.
I flew from Manchester to Copenhagen, and then took a train to Malmö. It wasn't that expensive and very easy to figure out directions in person.
I went for 2 weeks and 4 days so I could go to in person appointments before and after the surgery. I'm also autistic and felt I needed the extra time to ground myself in a new country. I stayed at the Scandic St Jörgen hotel which was only a 5 minute walk from the clinic. Hotels are quite pricey and it has it's pros and cons. Pros - close to clinic, hotel cleaners, free wifi, close to food shops and restaurants, easy to get to train/transport. Cons - more expensive than airbnb, no fridge so had to have takeout a lot, they did a laundry service but it was VERY expensive.
In the end I do think the hotel was right for me and my needs, but I know many others are not as privileged to be able to stay that long in a hotel.
I had my pre op appointment on the 16th, which I was dreading but it went a lot better than I thought it would. Dr Tuve asked me a lot of questions about my gender, how long I've wanted top surgery, is my family accepting, etc. He then examined my chest and asked what kind of results I'd like. He let me get changed before he stepped in which I was grateful for. They asked if I had picked up my prescription (meds needed before surgery), however I hadn't had any notification about this prescription at all. They were very quick to give me a new one, which I collected the next day.
The 18th was surgery day, and I was told to arrive at the clinic at 7am. My partner walked me there, and we said goodbye outside the clinic doors. I had to fill in some paperwork, have an anti bacterial shower, and pee before surgery. I was really nervous for the anesthetic and going under, plus the IV, but it was a lot better than I thought it'd be! The nurse who did my IV was very kind and did it quickly, and it wasn't painful at all. I was called into surgery at around 8:20am. I had to lay on the surgical table, which was honestly the scariest part. The anesthetic took a few minutes and then it all kinda hit and once. It felt like a very deep long nap. I was out of surgery and awake by 12:20pm.
I was very sleepy for a few hours and apparently I sent a lot of videos of me to my partner but I don't remember taking them! They are funny to watch back! I was feeling quite nauseous so out of the food options I had some granola and apple juice. I was offered a sandwich too but that was too much for me. I kept falling in and out of sleep for a bit. The nurse was encouraging me to try go to the toilet, but I was really nauseous. I did end up being sick a lot, it was whenever I sat up. We ended up wheeling me in a wheelchair to the toilet to try pee (which was a success!). I was given some anti nausea meds. Before I left the clinic, the nurse took off my post op binder, nips dressings, and large dressing, and I felt a lot better. I got to see my chest for the first time (my nips were still covered by gauze). It looked really good for the first day! The nurse showed me how to wrap the binder myself and what to do with the nip dressings. He then wrapped me back up, but I immediately threw up which he realised was from the pressure of the large dressing. He decided to take off the large dressing so I was just wrapped with the nip dressings and binder. He only allowed this because I wasn't that swollen!
I left the clinic at 7pm, and my partner picked me up. I was able to walk easily, just sore on top, and I was on a lot of painkillers so it wasn't that bad.
The instructions from my dr was to have a shower daily, antibiotics twice a day, pain meds twice a day, more pain meds can be taken if needed (I did for the first few days). My partner helped me shower the first 3 days as I couldn't really reach anything, but after that I was slowly more independent. We had a shower head we could take off the wall which was very handy and made it a lot easier. I had to sleep on my back, which is quite painful since I had a curved spine, but I found ways to cope with it (pillow under lumbar region, pillow under feet for elevation). I brought a travel pillow and a mastectomy pillow with me. I honestly didn't use the mastectomy pillow for what it was made for, as it hurt to put my arms in the side holes. I used it more to stop myself rolling to the side. The travel pillow is a must. It helped stop a lot of neck pain, and I could fall asleep a lot easier laying on my back with my head surrounded by the travel pillow.
Unfortunately I got really ill on my 4th day post op. I track my periods, and knew one was coming up, so I was already expecting pain the week before (normal for me). This pain was a 10/10, I couldn't move and threw up a lot. We called the clinic and apparently it is normal for surgery to affect periods and cycles. I wasn't expecting anything quite this intense, so I thought I'd leave this in here in case anyone else experiences it! No-one else that I knew that was having top surgery experienced this, but I know I have a lot more intense symptoms of periods normally so this may have contributed to it. Luckily this only lasted 1 day.
The rest of the week was a lot better, and I managed to eat a lot more and do a few more things. I went on daily walks as advised by Dr Tuve, but nothing too far.
On my 9th day post op I had a random allergic reaction. My body really went through it! My face was swollen and red, and I had hives all over my body. We had no idea where it had come from since I was just doing the same stuff as normal, however I am almost certain it is linked to my autism/stress levels (I have had random intense illness related stuff flare up from overstimulation and stress a few times). I was given some antihistamines and they worked slowly over a few days.
On my 12th day I had my post op appointment where a nurse removed the gauze from my nips and any visible stitching from them. I was super nervous going to this appointment as my nips smelt really bad and I was worried they were infected. Luckily all was good ! Apparently I had a small hematoma, but it didn't have fluid so no need to drain. I was instructed to wash my nips 2-3 times a day, have my daily shower as per usual, and change the tape on my insicions once a week. I also had a small bandage gauze I taped to my nips which I had to do til they were dry. My nips were dry by 2 days after this appointment, but I used the small bandages for about a week as I was nervous of the binder causing irritation on my nips. I also had to keep wearing the binder, which I have to do til 4-6 weeks after surgery (depending on how swollen I am).
I flew back home on 2nd May, and it was all good health wise.
Since then, recovery has been good! I'm very happy with my chest. My insicions look super thin and the nips look great too.
Overall, my experience with Dr Tuve and his team was great! Here are my main pros and cons:
Pros - Cheaper and high quality results! - Very lovely nurses and Dr. I felt I was in good hands. - They are happy to answer any questions, post op and pre op. - The clinic is very nice. Felt like I was in a hotel! - You do not need to be on T or have a gender dysphoria diagnosis. These things can help the process, but are absolutely not necessary.
Cons - Most documents were in Swedish and I had to translate them using Google Translate. You can call up the clinic to ask questions, but I am not good with phone calls! - The documents/help sheets aren't super clear on post op care, it is mostly for pre op information - Sometimes a lack of communication, such as with the lost prescription.
I hope this helps anyone!
submitted by tabbytheo to TopSurgery [link] [comments]
I am from the UK and decided to have surgery privately with Dr Tuve as it was much cheaper than the UK. The cost of the surgery was 65000 SEK which is about £4800.
I flew from Manchester to Copenhagen, and then took a train to Malmö. It wasn't that expensive and very easy to figure out directions in person.
I went for 2 weeks and 4 days so I could go to in person appointments before and after the surgery. I'm also autistic and felt I needed the extra time to ground myself in a new country. I stayed at the Scandic St Jörgen hotel which was only a 5 minute walk from the clinic. Hotels are quite pricey and it has it's pros and cons. Pros - close to clinic, hotel cleaners, free wifi, close to food shops and restaurants, easy to get to train/transport. Cons - more expensive than airbnb, no fridge so had to have takeout a lot, they did a laundry service but it was VERY expensive.
In the end I do think the hotel was right for me and my needs, but I know many others are not as privileged to be able to stay that long in a hotel.
I had my pre op appointment on the 16th, which I was dreading but it went a lot better than I thought it would. Dr Tuve asked me a lot of questions about my gender, how long I've wanted top surgery, is my family accepting, etc. He then examined my chest and asked what kind of results I'd like. He let me get changed before he stepped in which I was grateful for. They asked if I had picked up my prescription (meds needed before surgery), however I hadn't had any notification about this prescription at all. They were very quick to give me a new one, which I collected the next day.
The 18th was surgery day, and I was told to arrive at the clinic at 7am. My partner walked me there, and we said goodbye outside the clinic doors. I had to fill in some paperwork, have an anti bacterial shower, and pee before surgery. I was really nervous for the anesthetic and going under, plus the IV, but it was a lot better than I thought it'd be! The nurse who did my IV was very kind and did it quickly, and it wasn't painful at all. I was called into surgery at around 8:20am. I had to lay on the surgical table, which was honestly the scariest part. The anesthetic took a few minutes and then it all kinda hit and once. It felt like a very deep long nap. I was out of surgery and awake by 12:20pm.
I was very sleepy for a few hours and apparently I sent a lot of videos of me to my partner but I don't remember taking them! They are funny to watch back! I was feeling quite nauseous so out of the food options I had some granola and apple juice. I was offered a sandwich too but that was too much for me. I kept falling in and out of sleep for a bit. The nurse was encouraging me to try go to the toilet, but I was really nauseous. I did end up being sick a lot, it was whenever I sat up. We ended up wheeling me in a wheelchair to the toilet to try pee (which was a success!). I was given some anti nausea meds. Before I left the clinic, the nurse took off my post op binder, nips dressings, and large dressing, and I felt a lot better. I got to see my chest for the first time (my nips were still covered by gauze). It looked really good for the first day! The nurse showed me how to wrap the binder myself and what to do with the nip dressings. He then wrapped me back up, but I immediately threw up which he realised was from the pressure of the large dressing. He decided to take off the large dressing so I was just wrapped with the nip dressings and binder. He only allowed this because I wasn't that swollen!
I left the clinic at 7pm, and my partner picked me up. I was able to walk easily, just sore on top, and I was on a lot of painkillers so it wasn't that bad.
The instructions from my dr was to have a shower daily, antibiotics twice a day, pain meds twice a day, more pain meds can be taken if needed (I did for the first few days). My partner helped me shower the first 3 days as I couldn't really reach anything, but after that I was slowly more independent. We had a shower head we could take off the wall which was very handy and made it a lot easier. I had to sleep on my back, which is quite painful since I had a curved spine, but I found ways to cope with it (pillow under lumbar region, pillow under feet for elevation). I brought a travel pillow and a mastectomy pillow with me. I honestly didn't use the mastectomy pillow for what it was made for, as it hurt to put my arms in the side holes. I used it more to stop myself rolling to the side. The travel pillow is a must. It helped stop a lot of neck pain, and I could fall asleep a lot easier laying on my back with my head surrounded by the travel pillow.
Unfortunately I got really ill on my 4th day post op. I track my periods, and knew one was coming up, so I was already expecting pain the week before (normal for me). This pain was a 10/10, I couldn't move and threw up a lot. We called the clinic and apparently it is normal for surgery to affect periods and cycles. I wasn't expecting anything quite this intense, so I thought I'd leave this in here in case anyone else experiences it! No-one else that I knew that was having top surgery experienced this, but I know I have a lot more intense symptoms of periods normally so this may have contributed to it. Luckily this only lasted 1 day.
The rest of the week was a lot better, and I managed to eat a lot more and do a few more things. I went on daily walks as advised by Dr Tuve, but nothing too far.
On my 9th day post op I had a random allergic reaction. My body really went through it! My face was swollen and red, and I had hives all over my body. We had no idea where it had come from since I was just doing the same stuff as normal, however I am almost certain it is linked to my autism/stress levels (I have had random intense illness related stuff flare up from overstimulation and stress a few times). I was given some antihistamines and they worked slowly over a few days.
On my 12th day I had my post op appointment where a nurse removed the gauze from my nips and any visible stitching from them. I was super nervous going to this appointment as my nips smelt really bad and I was worried they were infected. Luckily all was good ! Apparently I had a small hematoma, but it didn't have fluid so no need to drain. I was instructed to wash my nips 2-3 times a day, have my daily shower as per usual, and change the tape on my insicions once a week. I also had a small bandage gauze I taped to my nips which I had to do til they were dry. My nips were dry by 2 days after this appointment, but I used the small bandages for about a week as I was nervous of the binder causing irritation on my nips. I also had to keep wearing the binder, which I have to do til 4-6 weeks after surgery (depending on how swollen I am).
I flew back home on 2nd May, and it was all good health wise.
Since then, recovery has been good! I'm very happy with my chest. My insicions look super thin and the nips look great too.
Overall, my experience with Dr Tuve and his team was great! Here are my main pros and cons:
Pros - Cheaper and high quality results! - Very lovely nurses and Dr. I felt I was in good hands. - They are happy to answer any questions, post op and pre op. - The clinic is very nice. Felt like I was in a hotel! - You do not need to be on T or have a gender dysphoria diagnosis. These things can help the process, but are absolutely not necessary.
Cons - Most documents were in Swedish and I had to translate them using Google Translate. You can call up the clinic to ask questions, but I am not good with phone calls! - The documents/help sheets aren't super clear on post op care, it is mostly for pre op information - Sometimes a lack of communication, such as with the lost prescription.
I hope this helps anyone!
2024.05.16 22:50 Thedreadedpixel Space Dogs of Zeta 9 chapter 3
Chapter 3: Dynamic Exist
Memory transcript : Farusl Archivist Tyka Date: 2277 August 21st [human standard time]
Tyka yawned, he had been monitoring several of the predator cages for a while trying to gauge their reactions, these were new catches from another region which was vastly different to the other side of the continent which by comparison was stable, these more eastern humans were almost all completely feral, ascribing totemic tribal practices with lethal weaponry, it was saddening.
“Terrifying creatures these humams….even the Arxur wouldn't be able to survive a total atomic annihilation yet these humans, who by all accounts are physically weaker than the Arxur, seem to have survived remarkibly well”
The calculating tone of the elder Officer Netly said peering over into the security monitor watching the newest catches, most of whome seemed to be violent marauders of some kind,and if the toxicology reports were to be believed extremely intoxicated prior to capture
“Well HC-1380 was clean….it why we've placed HC-2251 with them, they both passed with a clean bloodstream and 1380 seemed….mildly more docile than the other recent arrivals”
Tyka said as Netly raised her muzzle in contempt
“A predator is a predator, docile is not in there nature no matter how docile it may seem”
She said as Tyka openly scoffed
“I will admit many new acquisitions may be more feral than expected but the fact that we HAVE found humans who are not as violent should be seen as a boon, infact the nuclear devastation could be a benefit, they may be more willing to partake in the cure if it means that they can live out of the Wasteland”
“And how exactly would we do that, most of there genomes Are irreparable damaged by atomic Fallout and residual radiation, it would take decades to repair there existing genome let alone provide an appropriate Cure for eating flesh. Let alone there awful gaze” Netly spat indignantly, clearly insulted at the notion of a feral species could ever be uplifted to a proper sentient species is laughable
“Ahh But that's where you are misinformed Netly, you see her?” Tyka said tapping a paw to the monitor, it was the two new arrivals he had discusted eariler
“The scavenger and the pale one? What significant are they?” She asked confused as Tyka let out a slight smirk
“There genetic code suggests limited to no genetic damage, HC-2251 for example has no significant radiological degradation, she's as close as clean as you can get, And according to the lab, her UV intake, the thiny that gives humans bare skin there pigments? Its limbited suggesting a sheltered lifestyle, possibly one with a stable, equally pure gene stock of other untouched humans!”
Netly was shocked to say the least, from virtually every other predator they had captured they had all shown signs of genetic damage or severe mutation due to radiological exposure, of Tyka was correct…there was a possibility that the Original cure that was designed for humanity could be distributed
“If that is true, where could they possibly be located? We have satellites pointing All over the continent and wed be able to see a large, functional human tribe, like those desert tribes to the east” Netly said as Tyka nodded
“If they were on the surface, i postulate that they may be subterranean and i believe the answer likes in 2251s arm mounted computer. We plan on removing it after another checkup but the lab has had troubles devising a method of removing it without killing her since the device Is somehow attached to her by some biometric seals were having difficulties cracking but by her next interview”
Tyka said, and before Netly could respond a security alarm blamed, forcing the two to shift their focus away from there Conversation to the monitors, it was HC-2251 and HC-1380, the two were fighting, Tyka could only imagine it was for dominance, predators were such a precious bunch but at least they lacked claws, that was the thought until a trial of blood was seen spilling from 2251's nose!
“Ancestors! Netly send a security team to break that up and isolate 2251 as soon as possible, if she dies then we loose any lead on finding more undamaged human stock!”
Memory transcript: Abigail Nelson, vault dweller and current show fighter
The hits were all staged but every so often to get across the idea they Were real every other hit randomly connected with enough force to show it, that was Somah’s plan, make them think They were fighting for some reason, Somah had said that fights like these were was drew in security to stun them and break up the fight, which was also Why they didn't want to actually hurt one another, because if one or both of them got hurt they'd not only be separated and isolated like Somah was after her first attempt, and after getting socked In the face and giving her a light bloody nose. It worked as the door opened and in poured…..cocker spaniels? Chest-tall, wall eyed, cocker spaniels in rubber suits welding cattle prods.
In a flash Somah kicked up the metal tray that the measly alien veggies were delivered on, using it to bash in the muzzle of one, drawing the other three's attention away letting Abigail slam her bawled fisted into the temple of one of the aliens, causing it to slam into another causing them both to frankly…..easily drop to the floor, the lot of them whining and whimpering, clutching their heads as Somah grabbed one of their weapons, tossing one to Abigail as Somah made for the exit, having to brush off the shock of alien dog men she followed her new companion close behind.
“Were those…..dogs?” Abigail asked in surprise running along side Somah as the two raced down the hall as alarms blared overhead
“Yeah, I kinda forgot to mention that, didn't I? They look like Pre-War dogs with weird Brahman eyes,” she shrugged nonchalantly to Abbies confusion. The two suddenly stopped in a side room with an air vent, somah watched the corners and seemingly satisfied pulled Abigail in, and motioned her to be quiet. Before she could question why she heard the squeaking of booted paws run past them and somah only spook once the sound seemed sufficiently distant.
“Alright …..we're in the clear, are you ok-” Before Somah could continue she was meet with a smack across her face from Abigail
“That was for hitting me in my nose!” She spat rubbing her once prestigious white jumpsuit with her red viscous fluid leaking from her nose.
“Okay…I deserve that,” Somah admitted, rubbing her cheek “Honestly, I expected something worse, but I deserved it,” She says as Abigial noticed exactly where they were exactly. “Wait….are we in a alien supply closet”
Somah looked around, noticing the abundant sealed boxes written in alien script, one slightly open revealing some kind of rag or cloth That Abigail readily swiped to help stem her nose’s red trickle.
“Okay so, back on track, we need to find a way off this ship, last time I checked were still over Earth” Somah said as Abigail looked back at her
“How would we know?” She asked pinching her nose*
“Because you can feel when the ship moves, and they have announcements in English” She says which just made Abigail’s eyes go wide.
“They speak english?!” Abby said shocked as Somah nodded, “Then why the FUCK would they lock us up without saying anything?!”
She spat as Somah tried to get her to calm down “Honesty, I don't know, the only thing I do know is what I've heard from some of the guards, something about us being Acquisitions and a cure…I think there trying to collect us a labor force for whatever reason”
That reason resonated with Abigail in a disturbing way, the way the cells were arranged reminded her uncomfortably of Paradise Falls
“But why us?” She asked as Somah began looking around the small storeroom
“It makes sense to me, humans survived a nuclear apocalypse and they want a slave force for there homeworld, it's not like humans can fight back in any way, swoop down, suck up a town into your hold and zip away. They're probably checking to see what diseases we have to make sure we don't bring back any plagues and to inoculate us to theirs.”
The logic tracked, Paradise Falls had a rigorous system for assessing new….cattle to ensure they weren't feeble or lame, Just thinking that alone made her sick to her stomach.
“Alright, but we should stop them, force them to capitulate, somehow, and free everyone onboard!” Abby declared as Somah scoffed.
“And how exactly do we do that, Vaulty? “Ask nicely and hold out a flag of peace and tranquility?” She asked sarcastically as Abigail tried to rack her brain. What would Dad do in a situation like this…. This wasn't like the vault….but that's when it hit her. This alien ship…. Maybe it was like a vault, if it's so big and would need alot of…. Well, everything, to move from planet to planet. Maybe, like a vault, if they crippled certain systems, maybe, they could stop them.
“As a matter a fact, I do have a plan”
submitted by Thedreadedpixel to NatureofPredators [link] [comments]
Memory transcript : Farusl Archivist Tyka Date: 2277 August 21st [human standard time]
Tyka yawned, he had been monitoring several of the predator cages for a while trying to gauge their reactions, these were new catches from another region which was vastly different to the other side of the continent which by comparison was stable, these more eastern humans were almost all completely feral, ascribing totemic tribal practices with lethal weaponry, it was saddening.
“Terrifying creatures these humams….even the Arxur wouldn't be able to survive a total atomic annihilation yet these humans, who by all accounts are physically weaker than the Arxur, seem to have survived remarkibly well”
The calculating tone of the elder Officer Netly said peering over into the security monitor watching the newest catches, most of whome seemed to be violent marauders of some kind,and if the toxicology reports were to be believed extremely intoxicated prior to capture
“Well HC-1380 was clean….it why we've placed HC-2251 with them, they both passed with a clean bloodstream and 1380 seemed….mildly more docile than the other recent arrivals”
Tyka said as Netly raised her muzzle in contempt
“A predator is a predator, docile is not in there nature no matter how docile it may seem”
She said as Tyka openly scoffed
“I will admit many new acquisitions may be more feral than expected but the fact that we HAVE found humans who are not as violent should be seen as a boon, infact the nuclear devastation could be a benefit, they may be more willing to partake in the cure if it means that they can live out of the Wasteland”
“And how exactly would we do that, most of there genomes Are irreparable damaged by atomic Fallout and residual radiation, it would take decades to repair there existing genome let alone provide an appropriate Cure for eating flesh. Let alone there awful gaze” Netly spat indignantly, clearly insulted at the notion of a feral species could ever be uplifted to a proper sentient species is laughable
“Ahh But that's where you are misinformed Netly, you see her?” Tyka said tapping a paw to the monitor, it was the two new arrivals he had discusted eariler
“The scavenger and the pale one? What significant are they?” She asked confused as Tyka let out a slight smirk
“There genetic code suggests limited to no genetic damage, HC-2251 for example has no significant radiological degradation, she's as close as clean as you can get, And according to the lab, her UV intake, the thiny that gives humans bare skin there pigments? Its limbited suggesting a sheltered lifestyle, possibly one with a stable, equally pure gene stock of other untouched humans!”
Netly was shocked to say the least, from virtually every other predator they had captured they had all shown signs of genetic damage or severe mutation due to radiological exposure, of Tyka was correct…there was a possibility that the Original cure that was designed for humanity could be distributed
“If that is true, where could they possibly be located? We have satellites pointing All over the continent and wed be able to see a large, functional human tribe, like those desert tribes to the east” Netly said as Tyka nodded
“If they were on the surface, i postulate that they may be subterranean and i believe the answer likes in 2251s arm mounted computer. We plan on removing it after another checkup but the lab has had troubles devising a method of removing it without killing her since the device Is somehow attached to her by some biometric seals were having difficulties cracking but by her next interview”
Tyka said, and before Netly could respond a security alarm blamed, forcing the two to shift their focus away from there Conversation to the monitors, it was HC-2251 and HC-1380, the two were fighting, Tyka could only imagine it was for dominance, predators were such a precious bunch but at least they lacked claws, that was the thought until a trial of blood was seen spilling from 2251's nose!
“Ancestors! Netly send a security team to break that up and isolate 2251 as soon as possible, if she dies then we loose any lead on finding more undamaged human stock!”
Memory transcript: Abigail Nelson, vault dweller and current show fighter
The hits were all staged but every so often to get across the idea they Were real every other hit randomly connected with enough force to show it, that was Somah’s plan, make them think They were fighting for some reason, Somah had said that fights like these were was drew in security to stun them and break up the fight, which was also Why they didn't want to actually hurt one another, because if one or both of them got hurt they'd not only be separated and isolated like Somah was after her first attempt, and after getting socked In the face and giving her a light bloody nose. It worked as the door opened and in poured…..cocker spaniels? Chest-tall, wall eyed, cocker spaniels in rubber suits welding cattle prods.
In a flash Somah kicked up the metal tray that the measly alien veggies were delivered on, using it to bash in the muzzle of one, drawing the other three's attention away letting Abigail slam her bawled fisted into the temple of one of the aliens, causing it to slam into another causing them both to frankly…..easily drop to the floor, the lot of them whining and whimpering, clutching their heads as Somah grabbed one of their weapons, tossing one to Abigail as Somah made for the exit, having to brush off the shock of alien dog men she followed her new companion close behind.
“Were those…..dogs?” Abigail asked in surprise running along side Somah as the two raced down the hall as alarms blared overhead
“Yeah, I kinda forgot to mention that, didn't I? They look like Pre-War dogs with weird Brahman eyes,” she shrugged nonchalantly to Abbies confusion. The two suddenly stopped in a side room with an air vent, somah watched the corners and seemingly satisfied pulled Abigail in, and motioned her to be quiet. Before she could question why she heard the squeaking of booted paws run past them and somah only spook once the sound seemed sufficiently distant.
“Alright …..we're in the clear, are you ok-” Before Somah could continue she was meet with a smack across her face from Abigail
“That was for hitting me in my nose!” She spat rubbing her once prestigious white jumpsuit with her red viscous fluid leaking from her nose.
“Okay…I deserve that,” Somah admitted, rubbing her cheek “Honestly, I expected something worse, but I deserved it,” She says as Abigial noticed exactly where they were exactly. “Wait….are we in a alien supply closet”
Somah looked around, noticing the abundant sealed boxes written in alien script, one slightly open revealing some kind of rag or cloth That Abigail readily swiped to help stem her nose’s red trickle.
“Okay so, back on track, we need to find a way off this ship, last time I checked were still over Earth” Somah said as Abigail looked back at her
“How would we know?” She asked pinching her nose*
“Because you can feel when the ship moves, and they have announcements in English” She says which just made Abigail’s eyes go wide.
“They speak english?!” Abby said shocked as Somah nodded, “Then why the FUCK would they lock us up without saying anything?!”
She spat as Somah tried to get her to calm down “Honesty, I don't know, the only thing I do know is what I've heard from some of the guards, something about us being Acquisitions and a cure…I think there trying to collect us a labor force for whatever reason”
That reason resonated with Abigail in a disturbing way, the way the cells were arranged reminded her uncomfortably of Paradise Falls
“But why us?” She asked as Somah began looking around the small storeroom
“It makes sense to me, humans survived a nuclear apocalypse and they want a slave force for there homeworld, it's not like humans can fight back in any way, swoop down, suck up a town into your hold and zip away. They're probably checking to see what diseases we have to make sure we don't bring back any plagues and to inoculate us to theirs.”
The logic tracked, Paradise Falls had a rigorous system for assessing new….cattle to ensure they weren't feeble or lame, Just thinking that alone made her sick to her stomach.
“Alright, but we should stop them, force them to capitulate, somehow, and free everyone onboard!” Abby declared as Somah scoffed.
“And how exactly do we do that, Vaulty? “Ask nicely and hold out a flag of peace and tranquility?” She asked sarcastically as Abigail tried to rack her brain. What would Dad do in a situation like this…. This wasn't like the vault….but that's when it hit her. This alien ship…. Maybe it was like a vault, if it's so big and would need alot of…. Well, everything, to move from planet to planet. Maybe, like a vault, if they crippled certain systems, maybe, they could stop them.
“As a matter a fact, I do have a plan”
Abigail said with smirk, removing the now stained towel as Somah raised a brow to her as Abigail regained her plan to her scribe accomplice.
Chapter 3 is done and I feel pretty good about it but escape scenes Aren't my forte im afraid, as usual I adore everyone who reads and enjoys it, I'll have proper links set up to go back to previous chapters sometime later I hope yall enjoy!2024.05.16 22:50 EvilEmuOfDoom My Thermaltake Tower 300 Project Zero build. The good, bad, tips, and why I had to return it despite loving it.
https://preview.redd.it/3mk8opd2pu0d1.jpg?width=1536&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=005e7e74a8ca90537b9a5b4331b8214c3bfdfd04
Before you read my way-too-long write up. Note that if you find any glaring/obvious mistakes I've made that this is my first custom PC build since I built a dual-Celeron 300A system using socket to slot adapters and overclocking to 454Mhz in 1999 to play Quake 2 in Windows NT! So I'm a little rusty ;)
TT TH360 V2 AIO: I was able to mount this with the tubes at the bottom but it was tricky. I backed my power supply out a few inches, put the bottom of the radiator assembly in place, with the top leaning back out of the case while I routed the tubes carefully towards the front of the case (see pics). I then screwed the radiator bracket into place and slid my power supply back in and secured it.
submitted by EvilEmuOfDoom to PcBuild [link] [comments]
Before you read my way-too-long write up. Note that if you find any glaring/obvious mistakes I've made that this is my first custom PC build since I built a dual-Celeron 300A system using socket to slot adapters and overclocking to 454Mhz in 1999 to play Quake 2 in Windows NT! So I'm a little rusty ;)
Parts:
- MB: MSI B760M Project Zero
- CPU: i7-14700K
- RAM: 64GB G.Skill DDR5 5600 CL28
- GPU: MSI RTX 4080 Super Gaming X Slim (IMPORTANT: See "Important Notes" and "Why I'm returning" sections)
- Cooler: TT TH360 V2 RGB AIO (See "Important Notes" section for details on when I tried a TH420 v2)
- Power Supply: MSI A1000G PCIe5
- Fans: SWAFAN EX14 ARGB (1 bottom, 2 top), I relocated one of the included fans to the rear. SWAFAN EX12 ARGB x3 on AIO Radiator
- SSD: 4TB Samsung 990 Pro
- Accessories: TT LCD (returned, see "The Bad" section)
The Good:
- Easy to work on: The tool-less design and ease access to everything in this case is great.
- Cable Management: The side channels and clips on the back are great and it was easy to access them multiple times when I had to make changes. Between this and the Project Zero stuff being on the back, cable management was a breeze!
- Ease of access: The tool-less design is fantastic and it's really easy to get any of the panels out. This case really is super easy to work on.
- Ventilation: Bottom, Top, Both Sides, all have large amounts of ventilation with dust filters. Even the areas below the glass are vented. More than enough to get good airflow.
- Dust Filters: All are easily accessible and great.
- Looks awesome
- Great use of space, especially when it comes to a longer GPU and the 420mm Radiator support.
The Bad:
- Project Zero: Accessing the headers on the right side (when looking at the back) is VERY tricky. See "Tips and Tricks" for how I got around this. Not really "bad" I guess, but just a little tricky. Personally, I think it was worth it.
- Top of Case/MB I/O Access: I do worry about the clips for the top of the case breaking after years of use. I kind of wince every time I had to open it although it works great. Also, having to to remove the top fans to get access to the motherboard rear I/O get's old very quick. Granted, my use case meant that this would be rare so it didn't matter too much for me specifically. Note that I mostly left the top fan assembly in place, removed the front glass, and fed the cable through the gap at the top to my other hand that was reached through the front to plug stuff in.
- PoweStorage LEDs: This may be a little nitpicky but I found the case LEDs to be way too bright. In addition to being bright in a dark room, they also reflect off the white interior of the top and back into the case a bit. I was able to get around that mostly by 3D printing little "tubes" to go around the LEDs so that they were just shining forward only. Electrical tape would have probably worked fine too.
- TT LCD: Not the fault of the Tower 300 case since it's an additional accessory and it's AWESOME that the case comes with a spare front panel to fit this LCD. However, the TT LCD itself absolutely sucks. The bezel is large and only comes in black (I had planned on designing and 3D printing a replacement white enclosure). But the real reason it sucks is the terrible software. While I didn't run into connection issues like others did, the software is painfully limited and the designs for showing data are ugly. Also, you can't show more than one piece of data at a time unless you cycle them on a timer. I just wanted to display CPU Temp and GPU Temp at the same time! It works great if you just want to display GIFs though.
Important Notes:
- My GPU: Not really the fault of the case but the biggest issue I ran into was my specific GPU running 20C+ hotter when mounted in this position despite me specifically looking for a GPU that didn't use a vapor chamber.
- TH420 AIO: While I was able to get the 420mm radiator installed fine, I was only able to get it mounted with the tubes on the top which caused an annoying sound. Weirdly, Amazon had sent me the Ultra version by accident and the LCD was crap and kept disconnecting so instead of returning it for the correct version I returned it for the TH360 version instead which I was able to mount with the tubes on the bottom (see "Tips and Tricks" section).
- EDIT: Now that I think about it, I'm wondering if I could have got it to fit by leaving the top screws out and shifting it up by 2-3mm... It only interfered with the bottom tabs by that much and since it fit the other way around. Sadly I don't still have the TH420 to test it before returning the case.
Tips and Tricks:
Project Zero motherboard right side (when looking at the back) header access: I don't know if this was a good or bad idea but I basically put only the 3 motherboard screws in place on the right side (when looking from the front) then positioned the case vertically. I then loosened those 3 screws just enough that I could swing the left side of the motherboard (when looking from the front) about 1 inch or so away from the case like opening a door slightly. That gave me enough room to access the headers using two hands by positioning myself on that side of the case and reaching from the rear with my left hand and reaching through the side with my right hand. This actually made it pretty easy to hook up those headers although it might not be the safest setup for the motherboard. I did this before hooking up anything else to the motherboard.TT TH360 V2 AIO: I was able to mount this with the tubes at the bottom but it was tricky. I backed my power supply out a few inches, put the bottom of the radiator assembly in place, with the top leaning back out of the case while I routed the tubes carefully towards the front of the case (see pics). I then screwed the radiator bracket into place and slid my power supply back in and secured it.
Why I'm returning my Tower 300:
Unfortunately, I could not get my GPU to run lower than 76C at 100% fans when the case was vertical (slower fans made it thermal throttle at 84C). I put a digital thermometer in the case and it was 26C while the room was 22C. Even having every panel on the case off helped very little. When I tipped the case on it's side so that the GPU was oriented like it would be in a normal case (I propped it up at each end on 2 boxes to not block the air intake) the temps dropped down to 55C at 50% fans and that was without adjusting the airflow in the case to make it better horizontally so the case was actually hotter at 32C. Working with MSI support we determined that heat from other components on the card was likely migrating to the chip while in this position :(. I could have got the horizontal stand but the case just doesn't fit my desk setup in that orientation. So, my choices were to either return my GPU and try to find one that works in this case or replace the case. I didn't want to risk having to try and return a bunch of cards so sadly I'm returning the case and getting a Corsair 6500x. However, if you have a way to test or confirm that a GPU works in this vertical orientation, I do recommend the Tower 300 case. I will miss it.2024.05.16 22:49 Straight-Program-504 Salivary gland pain?
So I yawned real big the other day and immediately felt pain in my jaw joint area, though it felt muscular. Ever since then, whenever I eat something, the first few bites triggers this awful tingly/painful cramp sensation in the area of my parotid gland and down behind my jaw. After that the pain seems to go away for the rest of the meal, but is always back the next time I go to eat. Now it's starting to ache slightly in the area behind my jaw even when I'm not eating, but that's a very mild pain compared to when I first start eating. It's almost like the pain you feel when biting into a lemon, or something equally sour, but it's happening with bland food too. Is this a tmd thing?
submitted by Straight-Program-504 to TMJ [link] [comments]
2024.05.16 22:46 Huge_Belt_4350 I wrote a letter to my mom addressing all the hurts of my childhood expecting a response that never came
I (27F) last last winter (2022) wrote a long letter to my mom. I poured my heart into it, I cried the whole time writing it. I showed it to my husband to make sure I wasn’t being too mean in my writing towards my mom. I showed it to my stepsister to again make sure it was okay and made sense and to get emotional support (I’m Mexican and I didn’t want to push too far because i understand how deep generational trauma is and the parent child dynamic) I even showed it to my stepdad who immediately called me apologizing for the things I wrote in the letter (which I will get into in a moment) and was telling me about how he will divorce her (I didn’t want that and made me feel shitty) and explained why some scenarios ended up the way they did. Everyone encouraged me to send it. I was so confident that my mom was going to read it and drive over ? Write back? Call me. Something ! So I mailed it. (I mailed it because I instantly cry every time I try talking to her in person about not surface level things, it would of been easier getting words out especially when having to translate to Spanish)
In the letter I wrote about:
-Feeling emotionally neglected -the name calling my mom would do (calling me “retarded” and mimicking noises and movements of people with disability towards me among other things -My uncle being a pedo and scaring me into not saying anything to them, i later said something to a friend in HS who went to the counselor who called the police and I made up a person to protect my uncle, I was then grounded for over a year. -the carpet in my bedroom always being wet when it rained which is a lot where I live ruining my feet with a fungal infection that was just ignored (i understand it was a money issue but the hurt remains) -being yelled at for not cleaning everyday (I was the only child who would clean the kitchen and pick up leaves in the fall and stuff), sometimes she would clean again after I would do it. when asking to teach me how to do it better I would be ignored -asking her a question and being ignored -being blamed for high utility bills n being expensive for needing braces -my boyfriend in high school being suicidal when I would try to break up with him and hurting that I couldn’t go to them for help -saying that I tried to hit her to my step dad when I moved out of the way of her too quickly and making a scene about it leaving me confused -about the time she grabbed me by the hair and dragged me to the shower because I forgot to pick up the hairs I left in there after my shower -understanding that i understand she probably had a rough childhood and that all I wanted was a normal mother daughter relationship
That’s pretty much the gist among a bunch of other little things that really hurt me and I explained that it was hard to form a relationship with her in my adulthood and trust her with my kids until we addressed these things. I wanted to be acknowledged. Not even an apology really. But a conversation. I wanted to understand her more because I literally don’t know anything about her. We would never talk unless it was to eat dinner or clean something. I was always in my room during that time.
I waited a few weeks, my stepsister would visit them here and there and tell me how my mom appears sad? And maybe she needed more time.
A few months pass by I see my mom smiling in Hawaii having a good time.
At this point I’m in therapy because I’m losing hair from the stress of this and severely depressed.
Fall comes around and I finally go to visit with the encouragement of my husband, stepsister and stepdad. She acts like I’m not even there. This makes me angry. At one point my mom goes outside to smoke a cigarette im at the table with everyone and I start just talking about the hurts again, I say my mom is a narcissistic. My mom comes back inside. And for an hour. I’m complaining and she’s in the living room a few feet away saying absolutely nothing.
I leave feeling so weird. So lonely? We are now I’m 2024. I don’t have a relationship with her or my step dad really. I had to block her because she would go to Hawaii again and just living her life having a great time I was trying not to be bitter. Or angry. My step sister and step dad eventually started to question how legitimate my statements were (a lot of the meanness was when it was just my mom and I) it was so painful being misunderstood. Being told that that’s just the mom that I have. Being told that things were maybe my fault for having a problem with everything (I would always speak up when my parents would be racist and things)
I few months ago I did send her a text as a final effort. I asked why she never responded. If she wants to just leave this alone that’s okay and I will move on. And she told me that all that was on the letter were complaints. And told me about how when I was 20 I made a comment on a Facebook post about bad parenting and how everyone saw. About how embarrassed she was when people reached out to her. About how I wrote that I felt like I was in a dark environment. I didn’t know everyone saw it. I apologized for that. She told me to come over to talk because she personally has some complains about me. But she never acknowledged me. I didn’t want to go, to feel yelled at and again taken back to being a child getting yelled at.
I’m currently feeling grief. Mistrust to my family. Lonely. Jealous? About how my other siblings seem to be having a better time. How do I move on from feeling misunderstood. I feel like everyone is okay and I’m abandoned. I feel guilt for pulling my small family away from them from how hurt I am. Most times I’m okay until I see my stepsister at a family gathering that I’m never invited to. And then I’m back again to being a lonely child.
submitted by Huge_Belt_4350 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
In the letter I wrote about:
-Feeling emotionally neglected -the name calling my mom would do (calling me “retarded” and mimicking noises and movements of people with disability towards me among other things -My uncle being a pedo and scaring me into not saying anything to them, i later said something to a friend in HS who went to the counselor who called the police and I made up a person to protect my uncle, I was then grounded for over a year. -the carpet in my bedroom always being wet when it rained which is a lot where I live ruining my feet with a fungal infection that was just ignored (i understand it was a money issue but the hurt remains) -being yelled at for not cleaning everyday (I was the only child who would clean the kitchen and pick up leaves in the fall and stuff), sometimes she would clean again after I would do it. when asking to teach me how to do it better I would be ignored -asking her a question and being ignored -being blamed for high utility bills n being expensive for needing braces -my boyfriend in high school being suicidal when I would try to break up with him and hurting that I couldn’t go to them for help -saying that I tried to hit her to my step dad when I moved out of the way of her too quickly and making a scene about it leaving me confused -about the time she grabbed me by the hair and dragged me to the shower because I forgot to pick up the hairs I left in there after my shower -understanding that i understand she probably had a rough childhood and that all I wanted was a normal mother daughter relationship
That’s pretty much the gist among a bunch of other little things that really hurt me and I explained that it was hard to form a relationship with her in my adulthood and trust her with my kids until we addressed these things. I wanted to be acknowledged. Not even an apology really. But a conversation. I wanted to understand her more because I literally don’t know anything about her. We would never talk unless it was to eat dinner or clean something. I was always in my room during that time.
I waited a few weeks, my stepsister would visit them here and there and tell me how my mom appears sad? And maybe she needed more time.
A few months pass by I see my mom smiling in Hawaii having a good time.
At this point I’m in therapy because I’m losing hair from the stress of this and severely depressed.
Fall comes around and I finally go to visit with the encouragement of my husband, stepsister and stepdad. She acts like I’m not even there. This makes me angry. At one point my mom goes outside to smoke a cigarette im at the table with everyone and I start just talking about the hurts again, I say my mom is a narcissistic. My mom comes back inside. And for an hour. I’m complaining and she’s in the living room a few feet away saying absolutely nothing.
I leave feeling so weird. So lonely? We are now I’m 2024. I don’t have a relationship with her or my step dad really. I had to block her because she would go to Hawaii again and just living her life having a great time I was trying not to be bitter. Or angry. My step sister and step dad eventually started to question how legitimate my statements were (a lot of the meanness was when it was just my mom and I) it was so painful being misunderstood. Being told that that’s just the mom that I have. Being told that things were maybe my fault for having a problem with everything (I would always speak up when my parents would be racist and things)
I few months ago I did send her a text as a final effort. I asked why she never responded. If she wants to just leave this alone that’s okay and I will move on. And she told me that all that was on the letter were complaints. And told me about how when I was 20 I made a comment on a Facebook post about bad parenting and how everyone saw. About how embarrassed she was when people reached out to her. About how I wrote that I felt like I was in a dark environment. I didn’t know everyone saw it. I apologized for that. She told me to come over to talk because she personally has some complains about me. But she never acknowledged me. I didn’t want to go, to feel yelled at and again taken back to being a child getting yelled at.
I’m currently feeling grief. Mistrust to my family. Lonely. Jealous? About how my other siblings seem to be having a better time. How do I move on from feeling misunderstood. I feel like everyone is okay and I’m abandoned. I feel guilt for pulling my small family away from them from how hurt I am. Most times I’m okay until I see my stepsister at a family gathering that I’m never invited to. And then I’m back again to being a lonely child.
2024.05.16 22:39 Sereniteenie To me
5:36 PM Wed 5/8/24
Mood: Terrible
Title: Alone
Details: Last year I was told that there is a whole universe out there of people to find. And that I was being endlessly supported and that people were inspired by me.
This year I learned what it's like to be hunted and chased away from goodness. It has been the worst year of my entire life and with the knowledge that there is a whole universe out there--I feel lonelier than I was before.
Not a single person wants well for me. I have to translate my thoughts, behavior, intentions, symptoms, and soul to everyone.
There hasn't been a single rest from it in over 330 days. Just endless messes and ridicule and mocking and advances and terrorism.
I'm thought I was tired of people. But I walk outside and love them so much. I learned I'm not tired of people. But I'm so so so tired of loneliness.
Being around others doesn't stop you from being lonely. Because I'm still translating. My thoughts and feelings are still not reaching and the obvious signals I send to others are being deflected and mistranslated.
I'm tired of translating for to others. On paper it's so easy to understand a person. Watching it's easy to understand and to judge. But actually reacting appropriately to context and injustice and neurodivergence even is so lost to people.
This is why I wanted to write my story. Because people don't know how to cope. They don't know how to accept bad things. They don't know the difference between bad people and good people and even today our societies are too primitive to understand it.
They're still theororizing, contemplating, changing information for their gain...never have I seen any type of science be so abstractly and subjectively defiled as I've seen happen with mental health and neurodivergence.
People cannot separate the symptom from the person and punish and subjugate and continue to dominate those less fortunate.
I'm glad I know what happens to people they don't like. I know how dangerous people can be.
I wish I had someone to protect me. So I still find myself praying and wishing for one person. Just one person I don't have to translate myself to. Just one person I don't have to have grow tired of me. Just one person I don't have to compete with.
Growing up I was used to competing. Siblings, cousins, friends. In public AND private school there's always someone or something to compete. Today I compete with my parents and yesterday I compete with women who love the one I thought I loved.
I grew accustomed to hating my own birthday because of jealousy around it because my uncle was upset he shared it with my brother and I. And because I could never have it the way I enjoyed later. Too much. I'm too much. Too far. Too long. Too attention-seeking.
I had my chance as a teen with two friends so why isn't that enough for me? My parents were happy that I finally was taking a break from illness but since I got what I asked for then I'm a spoiled ass. As if they ever treated me better even then. Golden children are still abused even when the roles swap. Because no pleasantness is atrocious.
My family told me I was fat and going to get diabetes and have a heart attack and die despite never talking to me and being in high school--where weight isn't even done being "distributed" until your mid twenties. Thanks to the prime golden child my sister.
I'm tired of fighting and competing to be heard and to have needs met and to come across as kind or kinder. It's killing me.
Why can't I ever just be me?
Why can't I ever just be my authentic self? The one I want to be as a form of worship? Me in all my phases and feelings?
Why do I have to stuff myself down or look beautiful when I'm suffering in order to be a good and kind person worth saving?
I understand Nettle so much now. I wish I never did.
If I didn't have vocal fry would I be loved? If I didn't have fat would I be loved? If I didn't have brown or blonde hair would I be loved? If I forgave my parents and suffered quietly would I be loved?
If I had sweet doe eyes or a light mousy voice would someone finally think I had autism?
The ones I see on tiktok are drop dead gorgeous women with huge colorful lives and opportunities and get to complain about "pretty privelege"
Some have a light airiness to them that make them seem like fae.
And there's me who never fits anywhere or with anyone.
I have nothing and no one and absolutely no point.
I was okay before--before I had drive and passion to find my people. Before I had dreams of finding my way and accomplishing things. Before I had just one person.
It's so cruel. The people in this world are so cruel. I just want one person.
One person from God--and loving can be worship too. I'm too tired for much else.
Just one person to save me from their damnation that seems to last forever.
I'm so exhausted all the time.
My body hurts. My head hurts. My nerves feel like nothing.
I feel hopeless. Empty. I feel like the woman from my dream.
I feel betrayed--like others saw my future and pushed me into it head first with some kind of pre-revenge. Pinched. Twisted. Groped. Lost. Forced.
Called an attention whore. Gold digger.
I feel confused. People are trying desperately to make sure no one understands me.
I'm one girl. Against a whole universe and groups of people.
The emotional, psychological, and societal manipulation is obscure.
I keep reading revelations 2:24 to feel better.
It feels like Thyatira. I'm trying to hold fast to the idea that God may rescue me from whatever this is. A trial--make believe--experimentation--prisonment for knowing too much.
He asks we wait patiently for him to come and rescue us.
And many biblical figures had to wait for years and years. Upwards to like 100 if you were Abraham.
So while every day things feel like battle now, I am still trying.
I want to give myself OT and PT...I've done it for others so it can't be hard.
And with the flashbacks and emotional flashbacks and meltdowns and outbursts...I'm going to try treating myself for PTSD too.
Until I get the help I need somehow--I don't know what else to do.
I know others are tired of helping me. When you don't seem to receive pleasantness it's par for the course.
But I'm tired of competing for needs to be met. Can't everyone just work harder to understand bodies and minds and signals--then people would have their needs met and there'd be no need to compete.
I'm tired of fighting for myself. I'm tired of doing it alone.
I'm tired of being with others and doing it lonely.
The world isn't just crumbling due to climate change. Our minds are shifting and crumbling with it.
It makes sense. The weather affects people. Everyone I know is so tired. There's no way we are evolved enough to know God and be in his presence. There's no way we are advanced. Even this phone feels archaic to me--the programs we use feel archaic.
I understand now why capitalism is seen as demonic and evil. The control of drip marketing contents and technology is so slow and pointless.
Our resources are depleting. War is happening still. Communism wouldn't help either. It's the same song with a different tune.
I'll keep living because that's what he wants from people. I want to make God proud. I want people's lives to be easier.
I want people to stop competing and performing and wanting to die drenched in lies.
Maybe that's why it's a sin to lie. It halts evolution not just on others but yourself too. Living a lie halts growth.
It's difficult but Faith seems to be the part that is supposed to ground you in it. Like--I don't know WHY I can't lie in this situation but I have to be honest.
Anyways in these moments I wonder if philosophy and religion is a coping skill or a turning something bad into something good.
I guess I should just keep doing what I need to do and not what others want me to do.
It seems whenever I do what others want I suffer more than before.
I usually value collaboration. But when others Stop valuing it--then it's time for something to be done.
These people are messed up. They have no emotional retention. They have no ability to remember the things they do--Like it doesn't exist to them.
The heat, my hormones shifting, the trauma of seeing her again, and other things seemed to trigger a huge meltdown? Fight or flight? PTSD attack?
No wonder the woman from my dream was so empty--her body and mind have been through war and emotional, psychological, and spiritual survival.
I can only pray that I'm not chemically like a porn addicted person--I don't want to lose the idea that sex to me is love. After everything I mean.
I don't have the time in life to heal. There's so much I have to do and everyone still sees me as a wallet drainer and leech.
I don't trust anyone to help me. I don't trust anyone to love me. I don't trust love because it's not enough to make these other things go away.
I understand why people are calling for a civil war on the rich. And their help? To not be seen as bad people? Their help is "we will make others more like us!"
Natural selection affects them too.
Which is funny. They think they've escaped it ofc. I do think that people are right. Celebrities and other rich people aren't useful anymore.
They don't have much use anymore.
Anyways.
I feel lonely. I feel trauma everywhere. Like I've always been hit by a bus.
It's ironic I think--the "I wouldn't do it without a trained professional" people are so dangerous.
I did better without them...always.
It's hard not to hate life.
I always have to compete for needs and wants and sacrafice them.
For siblings, friends, lovers, parents, students, strangers, buyers, consumers, voices...
I sacrafice for these people to have better all the time. I don't have the energy to do anything else. I don't have anything else to provide but what I can scrounge up and then hand off or step aside.
I just want someone.
Someone who knows and loves me and understands me in full.
I can't let these people take away my voice or my story or my dreams for myself when they're already so blessed.
Only those well off say "you should be grateful"
What you did to survive and achieve versus what I did will never be the same.
So I'll hopefully find a way. To let my future husband be able to comfort me and know me in full after this whole experience. I'll find a way for him to know every page in my story and leaf through and bookmark his favorites.
Who in the universe would take away that from their victims so easily? That they could just have one?
These people can be vampires.
I get tired--I fall asleep--they suck the energy out of me.
They leave all their bad thoughts behind.
The world needs a miracle.
Activities: Food Sleep Screens
Emotions: Hurt Overwhelmed Confused Lonely Stressed Empty Hopeless
Unhelpful Thought: I'll never be well. No one will ever understand me. No one does. I'm alone. I'm always alone and I'll always be alone. People will only ever take from me or use me. People want me to die. My parents want me to die. I end up believing them and wanting it too.
I'll never have a life. I'll never have my own life. I'll never be me. I'll never be free.
Cognitive Distortions: Fortune-telling Self-blaming
Challenge: I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry that you've been through so much trauma in such little time. I'm so sorry you have to fight to comfort yourself and your fight response has increased so astronomically.
It must be scary to have to use it. It must be scary to never know when the pain will stop or when they will cause your attacks to start.
I don't know much about PTSD but considering the flashbacks and how even in moments for you they violate every piece of you--it only makes sense that you have resorted to fighting. I'm sorry you're body has to respond so uncomfortably and abnormally.
But try to remember that these are all normal responses to the abnormal. Your body is scared and terrified and it's been 330 days of exhaustion. The fatigue makes sense. The survival instincts makes sense. Your body and brain are working so hard for you so you can keep loving one day when the trauma responses ebb away.
There's no cure that I know of for these ailments. PTSD, depression, SAD, anxieties, potential autism. All these comorbidities must be eating away at you. The fact that they keep triggering you doesn't help either.
I'm sorry they push you. I'm sorry you've been through rape. I'm sorry you can barely pick up the pieces before they hurt you again.
I'm sorry I have to be the one to apologize to you for everything that's happened and still happens. I'm sorry they abuse you as you try to write and don't listen to no or clear boundaries.
The only advice I can think to give so you may have peace in these moments is to stop saving them. Let the bad continue to do bad. Let the Rapists continue to be Rapists. Do not work to absolve them of anything or bring good from their lives.
They're learning how to hurt you in different ways instead. They're recruiting new people late to everything instead.
Teeny tiny Tina, I'm still working so hard for you to be loved. I'm working so hard for you to stay safe. For you and I to stop fighting.
For you and I to stop freezing and being abused and for them to push you your fight responses and fear of your own body.
I'm sorry they tell you it's demons. When it's her. I'm sorry she won't leave you alone. I'm sorry she and others won't have boundaries with you.
I'm sorry they use you to teach her what her Delusions look like in another person because she forgets to be a human in others bodies and can't let her ego go.
I'm sorry they drug you so she can be comforted.
I'm sorry they don't know what you are going through. When I write as if I'm not you I can't imagine this pain.
I hope one day you are safe and rescued. I hope one day you find someone who will save you from her and them and the ones who abuse you.
I know my hopes are meaningless and that under normal circumstances when you are only you--I can always write meaningful advice without resorting to vapid generics.
I hope that one day you can be enough for yourself again.
I hope they don't bleed you dry. Don't kill yourself no matter what they say and do and feed on altruistic notions.
It's a complete mind fuck. The support needs to come from you. When they do it--don't believe them.
May you find peace Tina.
Alternative Thought: You will be saved. You will find help. Normal people know that it's wrong. These stars are illusions.
Normal people can help better. Find a community that can give you a break and accept you. That won't let your mind fall apart.
Don't let their ironic wishes for you give you peace. Don't let it give THEM peace. They don't mean it they just want it to be them.
Do not be like them. Do not live a lie. Address your hatred front on. Address why you hate front on so you may be free from it.
Do not be like them. Keep the bible in mind but please be who you want to be--which is exactly how God created and therefore called you to be.
Your calling is to heal and fight hatred for now.
Your calling is to find safety. May the lord bear you on eagles wings.
You do not have religious psychosis. You need to keep remembering who the fuck you are.
You are too smart for your own good. You are too self sacrificing for your own good. You see the bad in the good for people to address and attack and heal. You are kind when not under duress. You have illness. You need diagnosis. You have had terrible things happen. Surreal and awful. You always find a way to make things right. You always grow and evolve and change. You are you and others will not visibly see it.
Keep your self grounding mindfulness. Mindfulness is not oppression. It's a tool for a single person. Yourself. Not others.
Keep steady. Take a walk. Do something new. Discover something. Don't just stay in your mind doing it all there.
You need stimulation. You may be close to the end of figuring what you need to figure out out.
Then look at these thoughts and see how little and small they are in comparison to who you are and how you faced them. You are always seeking to heal and retain your values. That dualism and unobstructed steadfastness is your namesake.
It's in your birthday, your name, your experiences, your ring, your prayers, your loves, your hates, your stories, and every part of you.
You can never not be you. Except when your free will is in the hands of another.
Keep fighting for peace. Write and draw and explore within your means. Your life may seem so small but the meaning you have, the blessings God gave you to remember, the irreplaceable meaning everywhere is a gift from him.
And with this you never stop creating. Up and down. Up and down. If David in all his emotional complexities is a "man after God's own heart" then allow yourself to fall and thank God for his discipline.
He corrects those he accepts. He shows the wisdom of it to those he loves.
Keep his ever present and obvious love for you in your heart.
And even though you think Jonah is so funny, please allow yourself to give "testimony" one day and ask people to repent and show them God's love. Be unashamed. Be devoted. Be passionate. Don't let others kill your fire.
You know what it's like. You know what thoughts come from these terrible scenarios. You know how badly you want saving.
Others do too.
Show people that God's love IS unconditional. And learn and translate and write.
Translate God's Holy Spirit and intentions and goals to others.
He will bless you. He is pursuing your heart.
Remember how small the flaws are in others in comparison to them. How little it means for them to dislike what you do or help the opposing neighbor.
You are admired. And sometimes admiration turns bad and becomes jealousy.
You are very lonely. And you have learned ways to find yourself in all the versions of loneliness there are.
You are used. You are abused.
And that story lives and cannot be erased no matter how hard they try. Eternity is the sock that fell from their push. It feels so inescapable.
Your healing and self growth is awkward.
But you can still live. And you love others enough to be awkward with them.
Let yourself remember that this means that you love yourself to be awkward with yourself and allow it.
In that way you have already broken one cycle. That people need to see you in good perfect ways in order to have even self love.
You are strong. You are so passionate. And still while moored and mired in guck and hatred you still do everything out of love.
For yourself and others.
Your own body even is reflecting that incredibly. Your brain doesn't WANT to give up. It wants to fight, to survive, to fawn, to freeze.
Your brain and body is fighting for your love. Your self love and your future love and your love for others.
It's natural to feel this exhaustion after it all.
Tell yourself a new fortune too. A new self attribution. Balance it out.
You're going to always have love. It's in all your cells and the things you touch.
When you drop what you like and feel pain--however small--that tiny regret is love.
Your love is worth it. Your drive to be well is always worth it.
We are adapting. Love yourself enough to be awkward with it. It will feel really big and like the world is ending because it's the first time you've felt these ways.
God bless you.
submitted by Sereniteenie to TeeniesTea [link] [comments]
Mood: Terrible
Title: Alone
Details: Last year I was told that there is a whole universe out there of people to find. And that I was being endlessly supported and that people were inspired by me.
This year I learned what it's like to be hunted and chased away from goodness. It has been the worst year of my entire life and with the knowledge that there is a whole universe out there--I feel lonelier than I was before.
Not a single person wants well for me. I have to translate my thoughts, behavior, intentions, symptoms, and soul to everyone.
There hasn't been a single rest from it in over 330 days. Just endless messes and ridicule and mocking and advances and terrorism.
I'm thought I was tired of people. But I walk outside and love them so much. I learned I'm not tired of people. But I'm so so so tired of loneliness.
Being around others doesn't stop you from being lonely. Because I'm still translating. My thoughts and feelings are still not reaching and the obvious signals I send to others are being deflected and mistranslated.
I'm tired of translating for to others. On paper it's so easy to understand a person. Watching it's easy to understand and to judge. But actually reacting appropriately to context and injustice and neurodivergence even is so lost to people.
This is why I wanted to write my story. Because people don't know how to cope. They don't know how to accept bad things. They don't know the difference between bad people and good people and even today our societies are too primitive to understand it.
They're still theororizing, contemplating, changing information for their gain...never have I seen any type of science be so abstractly and subjectively defiled as I've seen happen with mental health and neurodivergence.
People cannot separate the symptom from the person and punish and subjugate and continue to dominate those less fortunate.
I'm glad I know what happens to people they don't like. I know how dangerous people can be.
I wish I had someone to protect me. So I still find myself praying and wishing for one person. Just one person I don't have to translate myself to. Just one person I don't have to have grow tired of me. Just one person I don't have to compete with.
Growing up I was used to competing. Siblings, cousins, friends. In public AND private school there's always someone or something to compete. Today I compete with my parents and yesterday I compete with women who love the one I thought I loved.
I grew accustomed to hating my own birthday because of jealousy around it because my uncle was upset he shared it with my brother and I. And because I could never have it the way I enjoyed later. Too much. I'm too much. Too far. Too long. Too attention-seeking.
I had my chance as a teen with two friends so why isn't that enough for me? My parents were happy that I finally was taking a break from illness but since I got what I asked for then I'm a spoiled ass. As if they ever treated me better even then. Golden children are still abused even when the roles swap. Because no pleasantness is atrocious.
My family told me I was fat and going to get diabetes and have a heart attack and die despite never talking to me and being in high school--where weight isn't even done being "distributed" until your mid twenties. Thanks to the prime golden child my sister.
I'm tired of fighting and competing to be heard and to have needs met and to come across as kind or kinder. It's killing me.
Why can't I ever just be me?
Why can't I ever just be my authentic self? The one I want to be as a form of worship? Me in all my phases and feelings?
Why do I have to stuff myself down or look beautiful when I'm suffering in order to be a good and kind person worth saving?
I understand Nettle so much now. I wish I never did.
If I didn't have vocal fry would I be loved? If I didn't have fat would I be loved? If I didn't have brown or blonde hair would I be loved? If I forgave my parents and suffered quietly would I be loved?
If I had sweet doe eyes or a light mousy voice would someone finally think I had autism?
The ones I see on tiktok are drop dead gorgeous women with huge colorful lives and opportunities and get to complain about "pretty privelege"
Some have a light airiness to them that make them seem like fae.
And there's me who never fits anywhere or with anyone.
I have nothing and no one and absolutely no point.
I was okay before--before I had drive and passion to find my people. Before I had dreams of finding my way and accomplishing things. Before I had just one person.
It's so cruel. The people in this world are so cruel. I just want one person.
One person from God--and loving can be worship too. I'm too tired for much else.
Just one person to save me from their damnation that seems to last forever.
I'm so exhausted all the time.
My body hurts. My head hurts. My nerves feel like nothing.
I feel hopeless. Empty. I feel like the woman from my dream.
I feel betrayed--like others saw my future and pushed me into it head first with some kind of pre-revenge. Pinched. Twisted. Groped. Lost. Forced.
Called an attention whore. Gold digger.
I feel confused. People are trying desperately to make sure no one understands me.
I'm one girl. Against a whole universe and groups of people.
The emotional, psychological, and societal manipulation is obscure.
I keep reading revelations 2:24 to feel better.
It feels like Thyatira. I'm trying to hold fast to the idea that God may rescue me from whatever this is. A trial--make believe--experimentation--prisonment for knowing too much.
He asks we wait patiently for him to come and rescue us.
And many biblical figures had to wait for years and years. Upwards to like 100 if you were Abraham.
So while every day things feel like battle now, I am still trying.
I want to give myself OT and PT...I've done it for others so it can't be hard.
And with the flashbacks and emotional flashbacks and meltdowns and outbursts...I'm going to try treating myself for PTSD too.
Until I get the help I need somehow--I don't know what else to do.
I know others are tired of helping me. When you don't seem to receive pleasantness it's par for the course.
But I'm tired of competing for needs to be met. Can't everyone just work harder to understand bodies and minds and signals--then people would have their needs met and there'd be no need to compete.
I'm tired of fighting for myself. I'm tired of doing it alone.
I'm tired of being with others and doing it lonely.
The world isn't just crumbling due to climate change. Our minds are shifting and crumbling with it.
It makes sense. The weather affects people. Everyone I know is so tired. There's no way we are evolved enough to know God and be in his presence. There's no way we are advanced. Even this phone feels archaic to me--the programs we use feel archaic.
I understand now why capitalism is seen as demonic and evil. The control of drip marketing contents and technology is so slow and pointless.
Our resources are depleting. War is happening still. Communism wouldn't help either. It's the same song with a different tune.
I'll keep living because that's what he wants from people. I want to make God proud. I want people's lives to be easier.
I want people to stop competing and performing and wanting to die drenched in lies.
Maybe that's why it's a sin to lie. It halts evolution not just on others but yourself too. Living a lie halts growth.
It's difficult but Faith seems to be the part that is supposed to ground you in it. Like--I don't know WHY I can't lie in this situation but I have to be honest.
Anyways in these moments I wonder if philosophy and religion is a coping skill or a turning something bad into something good.
I guess I should just keep doing what I need to do and not what others want me to do.
It seems whenever I do what others want I suffer more than before.
I usually value collaboration. But when others Stop valuing it--then it's time for something to be done.
These people are messed up. They have no emotional retention. They have no ability to remember the things they do--Like it doesn't exist to them.
The heat, my hormones shifting, the trauma of seeing her again, and other things seemed to trigger a huge meltdown? Fight or flight? PTSD attack?
No wonder the woman from my dream was so empty--her body and mind have been through war and emotional, psychological, and spiritual survival.
I can only pray that I'm not chemically like a porn addicted person--I don't want to lose the idea that sex to me is love. After everything I mean.
I don't have the time in life to heal. There's so much I have to do and everyone still sees me as a wallet drainer and leech.
I don't trust anyone to help me. I don't trust anyone to love me. I don't trust love because it's not enough to make these other things go away.
I understand why people are calling for a civil war on the rich. And their help? To not be seen as bad people? Their help is "we will make others more like us!"
Natural selection affects them too.
Which is funny. They think they've escaped it ofc. I do think that people are right. Celebrities and other rich people aren't useful anymore.
They don't have much use anymore.
Anyways.
I feel lonely. I feel trauma everywhere. Like I've always been hit by a bus.
It's ironic I think--the "I wouldn't do it without a trained professional" people are so dangerous.
I did better without them...always.
It's hard not to hate life.
I always have to compete for needs and wants and sacrafice them.
For siblings, friends, lovers, parents, students, strangers, buyers, consumers, voices...
I sacrafice for these people to have better all the time. I don't have the energy to do anything else. I don't have anything else to provide but what I can scrounge up and then hand off or step aside.
I just want someone.
Someone who knows and loves me and understands me in full.
I can't let these people take away my voice or my story or my dreams for myself when they're already so blessed.
Only those well off say "you should be grateful"
What you did to survive and achieve versus what I did will never be the same.
So I'll hopefully find a way. To let my future husband be able to comfort me and know me in full after this whole experience. I'll find a way for him to know every page in my story and leaf through and bookmark his favorites.
Who in the universe would take away that from their victims so easily? That they could just have one?
These people can be vampires.
I get tired--I fall asleep--they suck the energy out of me.
They leave all their bad thoughts behind.
The world needs a miracle.
Activities: Food Sleep Screens
Emotions: Hurt Overwhelmed Confused Lonely Stressed Empty Hopeless
Unhelpful Thought: I'll never be well. No one will ever understand me. No one does. I'm alone. I'm always alone and I'll always be alone. People will only ever take from me or use me. People want me to die. My parents want me to die. I end up believing them and wanting it too.
I'll never have a life. I'll never have my own life. I'll never be me. I'll never be free.
Cognitive Distortions: Fortune-telling Self-blaming
Challenge: I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry that you've been through so much trauma in such little time. I'm so sorry you have to fight to comfort yourself and your fight response has increased so astronomically.
It must be scary to have to use it. It must be scary to never know when the pain will stop or when they will cause your attacks to start.
I don't know much about PTSD but considering the flashbacks and how even in moments for you they violate every piece of you--it only makes sense that you have resorted to fighting. I'm sorry you're body has to respond so uncomfortably and abnormally.
But try to remember that these are all normal responses to the abnormal. Your body is scared and terrified and it's been 330 days of exhaustion. The fatigue makes sense. The survival instincts makes sense. Your body and brain are working so hard for you so you can keep loving one day when the trauma responses ebb away.
There's no cure that I know of for these ailments. PTSD, depression, SAD, anxieties, potential autism. All these comorbidities must be eating away at you. The fact that they keep triggering you doesn't help either.
I'm sorry they push you. I'm sorry you've been through rape. I'm sorry you can barely pick up the pieces before they hurt you again.
I'm sorry I have to be the one to apologize to you for everything that's happened and still happens. I'm sorry they abuse you as you try to write and don't listen to no or clear boundaries.
The only advice I can think to give so you may have peace in these moments is to stop saving them. Let the bad continue to do bad. Let the Rapists continue to be Rapists. Do not work to absolve them of anything or bring good from their lives.
They're learning how to hurt you in different ways instead. They're recruiting new people late to everything instead.
Teeny tiny Tina, I'm still working so hard for you to be loved. I'm working so hard for you to stay safe. For you and I to stop fighting.
For you and I to stop freezing and being abused and for them to push you your fight responses and fear of your own body.
I'm sorry they tell you it's demons. When it's her. I'm sorry she won't leave you alone. I'm sorry she and others won't have boundaries with you.
I'm sorry they use you to teach her what her Delusions look like in another person because she forgets to be a human in others bodies and can't let her ego go.
I'm sorry they drug you so she can be comforted.
I'm sorry they don't know what you are going through. When I write as if I'm not you I can't imagine this pain.
I hope one day you are safe and rescued. I hope one day you find someone who will save you from her and them and the ones who abuse you.
I know my hopes are meaningless and that under normal circumstances when you are only you--I can always write meaningful advice without resorting to vapid generics.
I hope that one day you can be enough for yourself again.
I hope they don't bleed you dry. Don't kill yourself no matter what they say and do and feed on altruistic notions.
It's a complete mind fuck. The support needs to come from you. When they do it--don't believe them.
May you find peace Tina.
Alternative Thought: You will be saved. You will find help. Normal people know that it's wrong. These stars are illusions.
Normal people can help better. Find a community that can give you a break and accept you. That won't let your mind fall apart.
Don't let their ironic wishes for you give you peace. Don't let it give THEM peace. They don't mean it they just want it to be them.
Do not be like them. Do not live a lie. Address your hatred front on. Address why you hate front on so you may be free from it.
Do not be like them. Keep the bible in mind but please be who you want to be--which is exactly how God created and therefore called you to be.
Your calling is to heal and fight hatred for now.
Your calling is to find safety. May the lord bear you on eagles wings.
You do not have religious psychosis. You need to keep remembering who the fuck you are.
You are too smart for your own good. You are too self sacrificing for your own good. You see the bad in the good for people to address and attack and heal. You are kind when not under duress. You have illness. You need diagnosis. You have had terrible things happen. Surreal and awful. You always find a way to make things right. You always grow and evolve and change. You are you and others will not visibly see it.
Keep your self grounding mindfulness. Mindfulness is not oppression. It's a tool for a single person. Yourself. Not others.
Keep steady. Take a walk. Do something new. Discover something. Don't just stay in your mind doing it all there.
You need stimulation. You may be close to the end of figuring what you need to figure out out.
Then look at these thoughts and see how little and small they are in comparison to who you are and how you faced them. You are always seeking to heal and retain your values. That dualism and unobstructed steadfastness is your namesake.
It's in your birthday, your name, your experiences, your ring, your prayers, your loves, your hates, your stories, and every part of you.
You can never not be you. Except when your free will is in the hands of another.
Keep fighting for peace. Write and draw and explore within your means. Your life may seem so small but the meaning you have, the blessings God gave you to remember, the irreplaceable meaning everywhere is a gift from him.
And with this you never stop creating. Up and down. Up and down. If David in all his emotional complexities is a "man after God's own heart" then allow yourself to fall and thank God for his discipline.
He corrects those he accepts. He shows the wisdom of it to those he loves.
Keep his ever present and obvious love for you in your heart.
And even though you think Jonah is so funny, please allow yourself to give "testimony" one day and ask people to repent and show them God's love. Be unashamed. Be devoted. Be passionate. Don't let others kill your fire.
You know what it's like. You know what thoughts come from these terrible scenarios. You know how badly you want saving.
Others do too.
Show people that God's love IS unconditional. And learn and translate and write.
Translate God's Holy Spirit and intentions and goals to others.
He will bless you. He is pursuing your heart.
Remember how small the flaws are in others in comparison to them. How little it means for them to dislike what you do or help the opposing neighbor.
You are admired. And sometimes admiration turns bad and becomes jealousy.
You are very lonely. And you have learned ways to find yourself in all the versions of loneliness there are.
You are used. You are abused.
And that story lives and cannot be erased no matter how hard they try. Eternity is the sock that fell from their push. It feels so inescapable.
Your healing and self growth is awkward.
But you can still live. And you love others enough to be awkward with them.
Let yourself remember that this means that you love yourself to be awkward with yourself and allow it.
In that way you have already broken one cycle. That people need to see you in good perfect ways in order to have even self love.
You are strong. You are so passionate. And still while moored and mired in guck and hatred you still do everything out of love.
For yourself and others.
Your own body even is reflecting that incredibly. Your brain doesn't WANT to give up. It wants to fight, to survive, to fawn, to freeze.
Your brain and body is fighting for your love. Your self love and your future love and your love for others.
It's natural to feel this exhaustion after it all.
Tell yourself a new fortune too. A new self attribution. Balance it out.
You're going to always have love. It's in all your cells and the things you touch.
When you drop what you like and feel pain--however small--that tiny regret is love.
Your love is worth it. Your drive to be well is always worth it.
We are adapting. Love yourself enough to be awkward with it. It will feel really big and like the world is ending because it's the first time you've felt these ways.
God bless you.
2024.05.16 22:38 Plastic-Grand-Piano My mom's dying, I don't know if she'll make it
Hi, this might be a bit long and a bit messy, I'm not in the best mindspace right now and I'm very disoriented. For starters, I'm 14f and my mom is turning 40 this year. In my country, all 14 year olds must take an exam for finishing middle school and all the materials for maths and native language for the past 4 years are going to be on it so yea, I'm a month away from that exam.
My mom has been battling cancer since August 2022. She has liposarcoma, which for those who don't know is a rare type of cancer that forms up in the fat in your body. At first, it started out as a 30 cm tumour in her abdomen, which doctors in my home country passed it off as body fat. Only when she went to a doctor in a different country did she find out it was in fact cancer. The doctors quickly told her to get surgery, which she did a week later. She recovered after a month and we all thought that was that. Except it wasn't. Apparently, the surgeon who did the surgery had missed a small part of the tumor hidden behind the stomach, so the cancer came back. She started treatment in December that same year and was frequently going in and out of the hospital. She first was a patient for an experimental treatment, which had a 50% success rate. Unfortunately, for her it didn't work. Once the doctors saw that, they started chemotherapy. She would do chemo for two weeks, come back home for another two and then go back. This cycle continued until June 2023 when she did a brief pause as she didn't have enough white cells to continue the treatment. In September 2023, she started treatment again and she got better and better. It was like having my mom back. In early December 2023, she was cancer free. The tumor had disappeared and there were no signs of any others. Except the cancer came back only two months later, this time more aggressive. In February 2024, my mom had fainted from a severe headache. Once in the emergency room, it was discovered she had 5 new tumors. One in the abdomen, a small one near her heart and 3 near her brain. She had fainted due to a huge one near her brain that was applying pressure on it. Once again, she had surgery. This time they only removed the tumour that was applying the most pressure, as removing all of them would be quite risky. She did a few rounds of radiotherapy to ease the pain and make the tumours smaller, which did help as the tumour near her heart disappeared, but the ones near her brain only got bigger. She started doing chemo in late March/early April and she has been in the hospital since. They only did one week of chemo and then she was barely conscious for a week. Afterwards, she was getting better and steadier, she even started walking again on her own. Yet at the beginning of this week, it got worse again. Apparently, there's 6 tumours near her brain now and chemo wasn't doing much to help. She's going to start chemo next week again, but the doctor told us not to get our hopes up as the situation is very severe and haven't been a lot of cases like these. They've done everything they can, tried experimental treatments and more. The doctors said she would be lucky to even see me start the next school year. I don't know how to process all this. I always knew there was a possibility she wouldn't get better, but I never thought it would actually happen. I'm close to my mom and we used to have mother-daughter days before all this went down. I can't imagine losing her and I don't know what to do with all these emotions. I'm scared, I don't want to lose my mom, she's been there for everything and she's my best friend.
Any advice on how to act next would be greatly appreciated, thank you for reading this.
submitted by Plastic-Grand-Piano to cancer [link] [comments]
My mom has been battling cancer since August 2022. She has liposarcoma, which for those who don't know is a rare type of cancer that forms up in the fat in your body. At first, it started out as a 30 cm tumour in her abdomen, which doctors in my home country passed it off as body fat. Only when she went to a doctor in a different country did she find out it was in fact cancer. The doctors quickly told her to get surgery, which she did a week later. She recovered after a month and we all thought that was that. Except it wasn't. Apparently, the surgeon who did the surgery had missed a small part of the tumor hidden behind the stomach, so the cancer came back. She started treatment in December that same year and was frequently going in and out of the hospital. She first was a patient for an experimental treatment, which had a 50% success rate. Unfortunately, for her it didn't work. Once the doctors saw that, they started chemotherapy. She would do chemo for two weeks, come back home for another two and then go back. This cycle continued until June 2023 when she did a brief pause as she didn't have enough white cells to continue the treatment. In September 2023, she started treatment again and she got better and better. It was like having my mom back. In early December 2023, she was cancer free. The tumor had disappeared and there were no signs of any others. Except the cancer came back only two months later, this time more aggressive. In February 2024, my mom had fainted from a severe headache. Once in the emergency room, it was discovered she had 5 new tumors. One in the abdomen, a small one near her heart and 3 near her brain. She had fainted due to a huge one near her brain that was applying pressure on it. Once again, she had surgery. This time they only removed the tumour that was applying the most pressure, as removing all of them would be quite risky. She did a few rounds of radiotherapy to ease the pain and make the tumours smaller, which did help as the tumour near her heart disappeared, but the ones near her brain only got bigger. She started doing chemo in late March/early April and she has been in the hospital since. They only did one week of chemo and then she was barely conscious for a week. Afterwards, she was getting better and steadier, she even started walking again on her own. Yet at the beginning of this week, it got worse again. Apparently, there's 6 tumours near her brain now and chemo wasn't doing much to help. She's going to start chemo next week again, but the doctor told us not to get our hopes up as the situation is very severe and haven't been a lot of cases like these. They've done everything they can, tried experimental treatments and more. The doctors said she would be lucky to even see me start the next school year. I don't know how to process all this. I always knew there was a possibility she wouldn't get better, but I never thought it would actually happen. I'm close to my mom and we used to have mother-daughter days before all this went down. I can't imagine losing her and I don't know what to do with all these emotions. I'm scared, I don't want to lose my mom, she's been there for everything and she's my best friend.
Any advice on how to act next would be greatly appreciated, thank you for reading this.
2024.05.16 22:37 Sobaloochi R6 reincarnated [ Zero’s fortune
FYI: stuff that I don’t discuss are the same as normal R6
Heimdall: And with the conclusion of the fifth round with the gods once again gaining the advantage with three points to humanity’s two. After seven million years, Humanity has taken one more step towards its end. Now get ready for the next round of Ragnarok, round 6!
The lights dim
Mutterings are heard about the darkness
Heimdall:The next fighter for the gods… Could there be any greater irony?Giving humanity its requiem… Long Ago… (A lotus buds into full bloom) He helped those foolish humans… with worldly desires.(A path of Lotuses bloom in preparation for the entrance.) and showed them the path through the darkness. Abandoning royalty, Abandoning family, Abandoning worldly desires, and Abandoning the six emotions. Trodding an untrodden path, he walked alone like the horn of the rhinoceros. And so, in six short years he attained enlightenment. He was born alone, lived alone and fought alone.Through all of heaven and earth only he is the honored one. Through all heaven and earth I alone am mighty!Only I am strong! Entering this world as a prince and exiting it as the enlightened one, out of respect humans call him… THE BUDDDHAAA!
The gods begin yelling: “Look at their faces! That’s true despair! It is his free time… C’mon show those puny humans what it means to be a god!”
Buddha walks towards humanity giving heimdall his gum and taking his Gjallar horn speaking into it:So uhhh, Imma fight for humanity. Thx
Cue that one reaction panel
The gods erupt in outrage: Are you saying you're not a god? You damn traitorous rat!
In response Buddha breaks the horn and an ear splitting roar emerges from it silencing the gods.
Buddha(Pulling out his staff): Shaddup! If the gods won’t save them, then I will! And if any god gets in my way, I’ll kill them!
It was truly astounding, shocking even the chief gods and the omnipotent Zeus. The only one who understood was Brunhilde herself.
Goll glances at Brunhilde as she sees her sister’s calm and stoic face, she realizes that her older sister planned this.She asks: Is this a part of your plan sister Hilde?
Brunhilde smiles, a wane smile and speaks: Unfortunately that man, his will is dictated by no one.
[Pre round 6]
Buddha walks up to Brunhilde, a smile on his face, a bucket of popcorn in his hands. He starts: Hey Brun, Zeus wanted me to go in the sixth round but, I don’t care, I’m gonna side with humanity.You seem sad…
Brunhilde remains stoic: Ok sir. I’m in mourning of the lost fighters.
Buddha: Were you always gonna make me rebel? I remember you came to me and asked about Volundr, you had to have been planning this huh?
Brunhilde leans down: If you must know, Nobody in the heavens hates the gods like you buddha.
Buddha grins, remarking: If you want to achieve your goal it is almost like there is no right or wrong.
[Present day]
Brunhilde to goll: He’s a horrible man, but incredibly strong. He is Humanity’s strongest Adolescent.
Heimdall angry at buddha: No NO NO, The roster is already decided. You can’t do that!
Buddha: Shaddup, I wanna do it how I wanna do it. You ain't stopping me.
Enter Zeus
Heimdall: According to the rules of —
Zeus: It just says each side has to send out a fighter not that one has to be a god or human. It’s so interesting my old bones might forgive me for smiting you Buddha.
Buddha grins: Bring it on gramps!
Zeus: But I’ve already decided on the fighter for Round six.
Odin: Let me ask you this, rat. You’re about to make an enemy of every single god, are you sure you want to do that?
Buddha: Clean your ears more old man, I don’t care. “Good people” or “bad people” (A shot of Jack sitting down with Hlokk watching the match) “gods” or “men”. To me, I’m just the Buddha.
The gods in the audience begin scolding buddha for his actions again
Buddha: If you stand in my way, I will kill you!
All of the gods go silent
Buddha: That was boring.
Zeus:I have already decided who will fight in the sixth round
???: Divine Punishment
???: Divine Punishment
???: Everyone wake up !!!!
???: Minori the boat.
???: The sound is sooooo good.
The boat touches the ground and the seven lucky gods exit.
Zeus claps Bishamantoen on the back and States: You will win.
The only response is: Yes sir
Heimdall:Only Bishamantoen needs to be present for the fight.
Bishamantoen: We are one, Let us return.
The rest of the seven lucky gods dash and fuse, making Zero. A demonic entity, seemingly childlike in form with a body to match. His hair the color of dirt and blood mixed, an evil grin spreads across his face as he stretches.Zero reaches into his back and pulls out the Misery cleaver, An ax made of rough sinew and muscle, tinges the color of pure darkness.
To most the name Zerofuku is a name that is unknown. But, to some that name was a savior. A god of fortune who healed all he could, gave humans everything. But how did the kind-hearted zero turn into the demonic form fighting Buddha today?
Zero, a young man with baggy clothes is walking along a trail, seeing a bird that has an obviously broken wing and a tiger waiting in the bush to eat its prey. Most gods wouldn’t have intervened, but to Zero this was important to provide happiness and joy to all that he could. Zero walked in calmly, Healed the bird using his own luck as a bright light encompassed the bird and it was able to fly away, to live another day.
Zero had a few chance encounters with humans, who sought him for his ability to heal and grant good luck. Zero had never visited humans, they came to him. They insisted on giving him valuable commodities and he denied it. Zero wasn’t going to be bought but rather help came from him whether you hated him with all of your soul or loved him with all of your heart.
Zero had entered a village and he cried for days, oceans of tears flooding from his eyes at the pain that humans suffered. He saw people dying, suffering and had no clue how to help these humans out of their misery but to take it. So, he did, going to everyone that he could find and taking all their misery.
When Zero returned to the small town he had first started healing, he was shocked. Everyone had only fallen further into sin. People ate when there was no good reason, People fought to gain money, People slept around because they could, People grew envious of others, People hoarded wealth to a degree that dragons would be considered small fries.
To many this was heaven on earth, they had all they could ever want and yet still wanted more. They no longer recognized his dirty, small form. This drove Zero over the edge, his good karma being poisoned by hate.
Someone helped the crying,bedraggled Zero up, a man, a bun tied over his head, a pair of glasses roundly sitting on his nose. A simple cloth covering him, the Buddha.
Buddha: Hey you look pretty rough. Want some beans?
Zero sees the people, raggedy even more so than him yet smiling from ear to ear
Zero: Who are you? Why are they so happy?
Buddha: I’m Buddha, and there is no one reason. They know what they want and they take it.
Zero begins to cry
Buddha: Hey there, why so blue?
Zero: I tried to take their misery into me so they could improve…. But all they did was take my gift and sin more
Buddha: Yeah, nice thought, not as good as a plan. You’re on the right track and are so dang close man. There is no straight cure to death, ya see, it’s all a circle… no end or beginning just you. So love what you have instead of envying what you want. Misery makes people move, it motivates them to do what otherwise would be a horrid life. Zero: But I can’t do it… I’ve tried for years and years. I’m worse than when I started…
Buddha: If you need me I’ll be there alright man.
Zero: Are you a god?
Buddha: hahahahaha NO! Just a man who loves himself.
Zero:But, the gods should be able to help you and nurture you! Why are you better at this than me?
Buddha: I’ve lived it Zero, not just been near it. I know firsthand how hard it is to bear. You have no clue what it is to suffer and come out a new man
At this Buddha walks away, his troupe behind him. Zerofuku returns to his degraded home and falls asleep. The next day he wakes with devilish horns and fleeting good karma. Overnight, joy turned to rage. He began to change his hair to the color of the misery he absorbed.
Little did zero know someone else was watching him.. The priest of gluttony, the demonic god, Beelzebub had implanted a massive amount of condensed misery, and at the core, the essence of the demon Hajun, into the sleeping form of Zero.
Beel: I hope this grows enough to kill me… Forgive me friends… I have sinned for far too long… I yearn to experience what you do… Please grant me mercy…
[Present day]
Zero: I’m gonna disembowel you? No, it doesn’t have that Jenesaisquoi that I’m looking for… Kill you? Nah… I’m gonna eradicate you!
submitted by Sobaloochi to ShuumatsuNoValkyrie [link] [comments]
Heimdall: And with the conclusion of the fifth round with the gods once again gaining the advantage with three points to humanity’s two. After seven million years, Humanity has taken one more step towards its end. Now get ready for the next round of Ragnarok, round 6!
The lights dim
Mutterings are heard about the darkness
Heimdall:The next fighter for the gods… Could there be any greater irony?Giving humanity its requiem… Long Ago… (A lotus buds into full bloom) He helped those foolish humans… with worldly desires.(A path of Lotuses bloom in preparation for the entrance.) and showed them the path through the darkness. Abandoning royalty, Abandoning family, Abandoning worldly desires, and Abandoning the six emotions. Trodding an untrodden path, he walked alone like the horn of the rhinoceros. And so, in six short years he attained enlightenment. He was born alone, lived alone and fought alone.Through all of heaven and earth only he is the honored one. Through all heaven and earth I alone am mighty!Only I am strong! Entering this world as a prince and exiting it as the enlightened one, out of respect humans call him… THE BUDDDHAAA!
The gods begin yelling: “Look at their faces! That’s true despair! It is his free time… C’mon show those puny humans what it means to be a god!”
Buddha walks towards humanity giving heimdall his gum and taking his Gjallar horn speaking into it:So uhhh, Imma fight for humanity. Thx
Cue that one reaction panel
The gods erupt in outrage: Are you saying you're not a god? You damn traitorous rat!
In response Buddha breaks the horn and an ear splitting roar emerges from it silencing the gods.
Buddha(Pulling out his staff): Shaddup! If the gods won’t save them, then I will! And if any god gets in my way, I’ll kill them!
It was truly astounding, shocking even the chief gods and the omnipotent Zeus. The only one who understood was Brunhilde herself.
Goll glances at Brunhilde as she sees her sister’s calm and stoic face, she realizes that her older sister planned this.She asks: Is this a part of your plan sister Hilde?
Brunhilde smiles, a wane smile and speaks: Unfortunately that man, his will is dictated by no one.
[Pre round 6]
Buddha walks up to Brunhilde, a smile on his face, a bucket of popcorn in his hands. He starts: Hey Brun, Zeus wanted me to go in the sixth round but, I don’t care, I’m gonna side with humanity.You seem sad…
Brunhilde remains stoic: Ok sir. I’m in mourning of the lost fighters.
Buddha: Were you always gonna make me rebel? I remember you came to me and asked about Volundr, you had to have been planning this huh?
Brunhilde leans down: If you must know, Nobody in the heavens hates the gods like you buddha.
Buddha grins, remarking: If you want to achieve your goal it is almost like there is no right or wrong.
[Present day]
Brunhilde to goll: He’s a horrible man, but incredibly strong. He is Humanity’s strongest Adolescent.
Heimdall angry at buddha: No NO NO, The roster is already decided. You can’t do that!
Buddha: Shaddup, I wanna do it how I wanna do it. You ain't stopping me.
Enter Zeus
Heimdall: According to the rules of —
Zeus: It just says each side has to send out a fighter not that one has to be a god or human. It’s so interesting my old bones might forgive me for smiting you Buddha.
Buddha grins: Bring it on gramps!
Zeus: But I’ve already decided on the fighter for Round six.
Odin: Let me ask you this, rat. You’re about to make an enemy of every single god, are you sure you want to do that?
Buddha: Clean your ears more old man, I don’t care. “Good people” or “bad people” (A shot of Jack sitting down with Hlokk watching the match) “gods” or “men”. To me, I’m just the Buddha.
The gods in the audience begin scolding buddha for his actions again
Buddha: If you stand in my way, I will kill you!
All of the gods go silent
Buddha: That was boring.
Zeus:I have already decided who will fight in the sixth round
???: Divine Punishment
???: Divine Punishment
???: Everyone wake up !!!!
???: Minori the boat.
???: The sound is sooooo good.
The boat touches the ground and the seven lucky gods exit.
Zeus claps Bishamantoen on the back and States: You will win.
The only response is: Yes sir
Heimdall:Only Bishamantoen needs to be present for the fight.
Bishamantoen: We are one, Let us return.
The rest of the seven lucky gods dash and fuse, making Zero. A demonic entity, seemingly childlike in form with a body to match. His hair the color of dirt and blood mixed, an evil grin spreads across his face as he stretches.Zero reaches into his back and pulls out the Misery cleaver, An ax made of rough sinew and muscle, tinges the color of pure darkness.
To most the name Zerofuku is a name that is unknown. But, to some that name was a savior. A god of fortune who healed all he could, gave humans everything. But how did the kind-hearted zero turn into the demonic form fighting Buddha today?
Zero, a young man with baggy clothes is walking along a trail, seeing a bird that has an obviously broken wing and a tiger waiting in the bush to eat its prey. Most gods wouldn’t have intervened, but to Zero this was important to provide happiness and joy to all that he could. Zero walked in calmly, Healed the bird using his own luck as a bright light encompassed the bird and it was able to fly away, to live another day.
Zero had a few chance encounters with humans, who sought him for his ability to heal and grant good luck. Zero had never visited humans, they came to him. They insisted on giving him valuable commodities and he denied it. Zero wasn’t going to be bought but rather help came from him whether you hated him with all of your soul or loved him with all of your heart.
Zero had entered a village and he cried for days, oceans of tears flooding from his eyes at the pain that humans suffered. He saw people dying, suffering and had no clue how to help these humans out of their misery but to take it. So, he did, going to everyone that he could find and taking all their misery.
When Zero returned to the small town he had first started healing, he was shocked. Everyone had only fallen further into sin. People ate when there was no good reason, People fought to gain money, People slept around because they could, People grew envious of others, People hoarded wealth to a degree that dragons would be considered small fries.
To many this was heaven on earth, they had all they could ever want and yet still wanted more. They no longer recognized his dirty, small form. This drove Zero over the edge, his good karma being poisoned by hate.
Someone helped the crying,bedraggled Zero up, a man, a bun tied over his head, a pair of glasses roundly sitting on his nose. A simple cloth covering him, the Buddha.
Buddha: Hey you look pretty rough. Want some beans?
Zero sees the people, raggedy even more so than him yet smiling from ear to ear
Zero: Who are you? Why are they so happy?
Buddha: I’m Buddha, and there is no one reason. They know what they want and they take it.
Zero begins to cry
Buddha: Hey there, why so blue?
Zero: I tried to take their misery into me so they could improve…. But all they did was take my gift and sin more
Buddha: Yeah, nice thought, not as good as a plan. You’re on the right track and are so dang close man. There is no straight cure to death, ya see, it’s all a circle… no end or beginning just you. So love what you have instead of envying what you want. Misery makes people move, it motivates them to do what otherwise would be a horrid life. Zero: But I can’t do it… I’ve tried for years and years. I’m worse than when I started…
Buddha: If you need me I’ll be there alright man.
Zero: Are you a god?
Buddha: hahahahaha NO! Just a man who loves himself.
Zero:But, the gods should be able to help you and nurture you! Why are you better at this than me?
Buddha: I’ve lived it Zero, not just been near it. I know firsthand how hard it is to bear. You have no clue what it is to suffer and come out a new man
At this Buddha walks away, his troupe behind him. Zerofuku returns to his degraded home and falls asleep. The next day he wakes with devilish horns and fleeting good karma. Overnight, joy turned to rage. He began to change his hair to the color of the misery he absorbed.
Little did zero know someone else was watching him.. The priest of gluttony, the demonic god, Beelzebub had implanted a massive amount of condensed misery, and at the core, the essence of the demon Hajun, into the sleeping form of Zero.
Beel: I hope this grows enough to kill me… Forgive me friends… I have sinned for far too long… I yearn to experience what you do… Please grant me mercy…
[Present day]
Zero: I’m gonna disembowel you? No, it doesn’t have that Jenesaisquoi that I’m looking for… Kill you? Nah… I’m gonna eradicate you!
2024.05.16 22:37 Interesting_Cut8584 Don't make my mistake
 | My wife just arrived in the US, spent 1700 for green card and work authorization. Not too long after arriving in the US. She developed severe stomach pain We went to urgent care then they sent us to the ER, turns out she has bladder and kidney infection. I didn't have insurance for her yet as she just arrived submitted by Interesting_Cut8584 to USCIS [link] [comments] I have a bit of emergency fund. But still took a bit hit from this. Had to pay 3,925 out of pocket for the ER visit. I'm just posting this in hopes of warning others. Have a bit more than what I had in emergency fund |
2024.05.16 22:36 Zesty_ranch1 Issues I have had since getting Finn, and how they were fixed
Background: I got Finn from my mom’s girlfriend who cared for her decently, but there was a lot to improve on. She came with a lidless 4x2x2 tank and a decent amount of decor. She had a varied insect diet, but was a salad-hater. Her only UVB was a coil.
Problem 1: she would not eat any greens
My fix: I tried different veggies which didn’t work, but the second I had a good UVB tube in there, she was MUNCHING. It changed her behavior completely. Good UVB is very important (I got the Arcadia T5 12%), and Finn is living proof for real! Also, only get approved ones. I had a “reptiking” one from Amazon, which was very poorly made and didn’t give out the right amount of UVB.
Problem 2: the basking spot would get too hot.
My fix: a lid is apparently a huge help! Adding a lid (after a very disappointing delivery from Chewy that required a replacement) created enough of a barrier to make the temperature perfect.
Problem 3: she was glass surfing excessively
My fix: I covered 3/4 of the glass sides and fixed temps and UVB, and now she will only start if she sees me and wants out. She was seeing her reflection and very stressed. Since fixing this, she has also really lightened up and gotten more friendly!
submitted by Zesty_ranch1 to BeardedDragons [link] [comments]
Problem 1: she would not eat any greens
My fix: I tried different veggies which didn’t work, but the second I had a good UVB tube in there, she was MUNCHING. It changed her behavior completely. Good UVB is very important (I got the Arcadia T5 12%), and Finn is living proof for real! Also, only get approved ones. I had a “reptiking” one from Amazon, which was very poorly made and didn’t give out the right amount of UVB.
Problem 2: the basking spot would get too hot.
My fix: a lid is apparently a huge help! Adding a lid (after a very disappointing delivery from Chewy that required a replacement) created enough of a barrier to make the temperature perfect.
Problem 3: she was glass surfing excessively
My fix: I covered 3/4 of the glass sides and fixed temps and UVB, and now she will only start if she sees me and wants out. She was seeing her reflection and very stressed. Since fixing this, she has also really lightened up and gotten more friendly!
2024.05.16 22:35 I_found_a_platypus_ Just want to vent
I can't do i, I just can't.
It all started with me being overweight (71,6 kg) and my parents convincing me to go to a dietician. It worked until I couldn't do it anymore (at this point I was 64,7 kg after ~7 months) and told them that I wanted to take a break from it for the summer. Well turns out I just used those months to binge over and over again until I gained back 3kg and begged my parents to let me continue my diet.
They let me and I start to loose weight(it's important to say that I've always had low self esteem and I've always believed to be below average in terms of looks even more so when I was overweight) but I couldn't shake my mind off the continuous thoughts I had on food, so I started to binge and purge a few times a week (tried it before too but couldn't manage to make me vomit so I just sticked to the diet) and the weight remained the same so I was pretty damn happy to have found a way to eat whatever I wanted and to still be able to maintain my current weight (I was still "on a diet" so I had regular chek-ups that confirmed that I was still losing it).
At some point I added some laxatives to the mix ( my bowl movements were always a bit slow so it was no problem convincing both my mother and dietician to let me take them) and started to take them every night (the maximum dosage most of the time) also causing terrible stomach aches which make me literally sweat from the pain, but whatever as long as it helps me stay consistent.
3 weeks ago I again asked to interrupt my diet as my final exams are coming up and don't have the time to plan, buy and cook what I need to.
(Also I believe it's important to say that I tend to weight myself every day, multiple times, with two different scales, just to check.)
Now I'm here crying and hating myself because I checked and went up to 64,1 kg from 62,7 kg even tho I know that it's mostly because of the food that it's still in my intestines and I honetly don't know what to do; at some point I panicked and tried to vomit but nothing came out so I cried even more. Right now I'm debating whether I should eat dinner or not.
All of this just to say that I'm mentally exhausted, hate my body, hate the relationship I have with food, hate the somachaches but love the feeling of being lighter, hate my parents' comments regarding what I eat, hate the visceral fear I have of gaining more weight while still trying to stop myself from buying unhealthy food just to purge it, hate looking at myself in the mirror, hate the fact that I am too ashamed to ask for help cause my parents would just shame me for my lack of self-control, hate whatever I have that I don't even know how to call (binge eating disorder or early stages of anorexia since I also purge normal healthy meals, but not always).
Sorry for my incoherent rant but I can't do it anymore, I just want to have a good enough body and not this constant thoughts running rampant in my mind 24/7.
submitted by I_found_a_platypus_ to confessions [link] [comments]
It all started with me being overweight (71,6 kg) and my parents convincing me to go to a dietician. It worked until I couldn't do it anymore (at this point I was 64,7 kg after ~7 months) and told them that I wanted to take a break from it for the summer. Well turns out I just used those months to binge over and over again until I gained back 3kg and begged my parents to let me continue my diet.
They let me and I start to loose weight(it's important to say that I've always had low self esteem and I've always believed to be below average in terms of looks even more so when I was overweight) but I couldn't shake my mind off the continuous thoughts I had on food, so I started to binge and purge a few times a week (tried it before too but couldn't manage to make me vomit so I just sticked to the diet) and the weight remained the same so I was pretty damn happy to have found a way to eat whatever I wanted and to still be able to maintain my current weight (I was still "on a diet" so I had regular chek-ups that confirmed that I was still losing it).
At some point I added some laxatives to the mix ( my bowl movements were always a bit slow so it was no problem convincing both my mother and dietician to let me take them) and started to take them every night (the maximum dosage most of the time) also causing terrible stomach aches which make me literally sweat from the pain, but whatever as long as it helps me stay consistent.
3 weeks ago I again asked to interrupt my diet as my final exams are coming up and don't have the time to plan, buy and cook what I need to.
(Also I believe it's important to say that I tend to weight myself every day, multiple times, with two different scales, just to check.)
Now I'm here crying and hating myself because I checked and went up to 64,1 kg from 62,7 kg even tho I know that it's mostly because of the food that it's still in my intestines and I honetly don't know what to do; at some point I panicked and tried to vomit but nothing came out so I cried even more. Right now I'm debating whether I should eat dinner or not.
All of this just to say that I'm mentally exhausted, hate my body, hate the relationship I have with food, hate the somachaches but love the feeling of being lighter, hate my parents' comments regarding what I eat, hate the visceral fear I have of gaining more weight while still trying to stop myself from buying unhealthy food just to purge it, hate looking at myself in the mirror, hate the fact that I am too ashamed to ask for help cause my parents would just shame me for my lack of self-control, hate whatever I have that I don't even know how to call (binge eating disorder or early stages of anorexia since I also purge normal healthy meals, but not always).
Sorry for my incoherent rant but I can't do it anymore, I just want to have a good enough body and not this constant thoughts running rampant in my mind 24/7.
2024.05.16 22:33 impatient_latte A 1-month review of Quviviq, from someone who's tried it all
Background: I've had pretty severe insomnia for the past ten years or so. If I don't take any medication, I get 0-3 hours of sleep. I have done a sleep study, CBT and ACT therapy, and sleep restriction therapy. I have tried all of the standard sleep medications (except benzos) and some not-standard ones as well. They all either don't work at all, or stop working after a month or so.
I was super scared to try Quviviq because I read a bunch of reviews about people getting sleep paralysis. But that never happened to me. Overall, I'm glad I tried it. It definitely takes a bit to work. The first week, I hardly slept at all, week 2 I was getting 4-6 hours, and by week 3, 7-9 hours. I'm consistently getting 7-9 hours now, and I feel I could definitely sleep longer than that if I wanted. I like that it doesn't feel like I'm being knocked out when I take it. It feels like a very natural drowsiness.
The first week I had a weird side-effect where every 5-10 minutes my legs would jerk, and I would feel a swooping sensation in my stomach like I was going down a rollercoaster. It freaked me out, but it doesn't happen anymore. The only side-effect I have now is that I'm extremely drowsy in the morning. But after an hour or so it's not bad. I'm still able to get myself to the gym and to work. And I'd much rather be drowsy than exhausted.
If you decide to try it, make sure you take it on an empty stomach! It takes way longer to kick in if you eat right before. I stop eating at least three hours before taking it.
submitted by impatient_latte to insomnia [link] [comments]
I was super scared to try Quviviq because I read a bunch of reviews about people getting sleep paralysis. But that never happened to me. Overall, I'm glad I tried it. It definitely takes a bit to work. The first week, I hardly slept at all, week 2 I was getting 4-6 hours, and by week 3, 7-9 hours. I'm consistently getting 7-9 hours now, and I feel I could definitely sleep longer than that if I wanted. I like that it doesn't feel like I'm being knocked out when I take it. It feels like a very natural drowsiness.
The first week I had a weird side-effect where every 5-10 minutes my legs would jerk, and I would feel a swooping sensation in my stomach like I was going down a rollercoaster. It freaked me out, but it doesn't happen anymore. The only side-effect I have now is that I'm extremely drowsy in the morning. But after an hour or so it's not bad. I'm still able to get myself to the gym and to work. And I'd much rather be drowsy than exhausted.
If you decide to try it, make sure you take it on an empty stomach! It takes way longer to kick in if you eat right before. I stop eating at least three hours before taking it.