Friendship bracelets patterns letters |

Today was my last day of my freshman year, and possibly the last day to see two of my best friends (who are twins) at school. They are very likely to move before our sophomore year together starts.
I have been very sad about this. I met these two friends at kindergarten, and they were my best friends, until they moved away after 1st grade. We were far too young to have any way to contact each other, so we lost contact with each other for years. We never forgot each other. We had been reconnected during our 8th grade year, when they moved back to their home town. As well as I remembered them, they felt like strangers. I had no idea what had been going on in their lives for the past few years, but soon enough I discovered that they were still the same friends I had met all that time ago.
We shortly became inseparable, and were the best of friends once again. We stayed up late talking, we went through relationships, they helped me get my first boyfriend, we had sleepovers. Normal teenage girl activities.
I had on the friendship bracelet we had made at our last sleepover, because even though I thought friendship bracelets were kind of corny, I wanted something that would always make me think of them.
Like I said, today was possibly one of the last days I could see them. I was walking through the hall to my last block class, when our friendship bracelet snapped in half. I didn’t think much of it and just said I’d fix it later, but now that I think harder about it, it’s very sad. It almost symbolizes our friendship being torn, both sides separated once again.

F31, So I had a friend for 8 years with a m34 and we were very platonic, we met randomly while I was visiting a city outside of my province. He was also from out of the province, but we stayed in touch for 7 years. I watched his nieces and nephews grow up through Snapchat, we saw each other go through relationships, we kept up with each other daily, we built a solid friendship.
He visited me pre pandemic & it was the first time we’d actually hang out again since we met 7 years prior, we had so much fun, I introduced him to my friends, he’d visit 2 more times before he left the country(he had also gone through a breakup pre pandemic)
I opened up to him about a severely physically abusive relationship I endured and how it potentially disrupted my life, i needed him to write me a reference letter to submit with an important application that would determine my future, he wrote the letter, but upon asking him to sign, he started making excuses and i felt ignored, I still wished him well, I never bothered after many many attempts to reach him, irrespective of not signing the letter, I still tried checking in on him, so I let go after not hearing back. He was constantly posting on social media of his travels & friends, night outs etc. after months of silence, randomly he tags me on an instagram story of him in a country that was sentimental to me, even though we hadn’t been talking for a while. I didn’t know how to feels
Almost 2 years later he reached out saying he was going through things etc, I didn’t respond because so much time had gone by & I didn’t know if I could trust him anymore.
He followed up with a call a year later & wants to connect. I’m a bit iffy and not sure if he is being sincere or reaching out for a reason. Although I feel like things will never be the same even if we reconnect.
Would you allow someone like this back in your life? I have been burnt so many times because I am kind to a fault & often to my own detriment, I’ve set boundaries and I’m overcoming my people pleasing ways and I am currently isolating myself cos I’ve been through so much in relationships that I don’t know who has my best interest anymore.

This is the list of what bracelets I’m going to make. How many colored beads would I need approximately? I’m going to color code each album to its color.
Taylor Swift 1. Tim McGraw 2. Picture To Burn 3. Teardrops On My Guitar 4. A Place In This World 5. Cold As You 6. The Outside 7. Tied Together With A Smile 8. Stay Beautiful 9. Should’ve Said No 10. Mary’s Song 11. Our Song 12. I’m Only Me When I’m With You 13. Invisible 14. A Perfectly Good Heart
Fearless (Taylor’s Version) 15. Fearless 16. Fifteen 17. Love Story 18. Hey Stephen 19. White Horse 20. You Belong With Me 21. Breathe 22. Tell Me Why 23. You’re Not Sorry 24. The Way I Loved You 25. Forever & Always 26. Come In With The Rain 27. Superstar 28. The Other Side Of The Door 29. Today Was A Fairytale 30. You All Over Me 31. Mr Perfectly Fine 32. We Were Happy 33. That’s When 34. Don’t You 35. Bye Bye Baby 36. If This Was A Movie 37. Change
Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) 38. Mine 39. Sparks Fly 40. Back To December 41. Speak Now 42. Dear John 43. Mean 44. The Story Of Us 45. Never Grow Up 46. Enchanted 47. Better Than Revenge 48. Innocent 49. Haunted 50. Last Kiss 51. Long Live 52. Ours 53. Superman 54. Electric Touch 55. When Emma Falls In Love 56. I Can See You 57. Castles Crumbling 58. Foolish One 59. Timeless
Red (Taylor’s Version) 60. State Of Grace 61. Red 62. Treacherous 63. I Knew You Were Trouble 64. All Too Well 65. 22 66. I Almost Do 67. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together 68. Stay Stay Stay 69. The Last Time 70. Holy Beautiful 71. Sad Beautiful Tragic 72. The Lucky One 73. Everything Has Changed 74. Starlight 75. Begin Again 76. The Moment I Knew 77. Come Back…Be Here 78. Girl At Home 79. Ronan 80. Better Man 81. Nothing New 82. Babe 83. Message In A Bottle 84. I Bet You Think About Me 85. Forever Winter 86. Run 87. The Very First Night 88. All Too Well (10 Minute Version) 89. Eyes Open 90. Safe & Sound
1989 (Taylor’s Version) 91. Welcome To New York 92. Blank Space 93. Style 94. Out Of The Woods 95. All You Had To Do Was Stay 96. Shake It Off 97. I Wish You Would 98. Bad Blood 99. Wildest Dreams 100. How You Get The Girl 101. This Love 102. I Know Places 103. Clean 104. Wonderland 105. You Are In Love 106. New Romantics 107. Slut 108. Say Don’t Go 109. Now That We Don’t Talk 110. Suburban Legends 111. Is It Over Now
Reputation 112. Ready For It 113. Endgame 114. I Did Something Bad 115. Don’t Blame Me 116. Delicate 117. Look What You Made Me Do 118. So It Goes 119. Gorgeous 120. Getaway Car 121. King Of My Heart 122. Dancing With Our Hands Tied 123. Dress 124. This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things 125. Call It What You Want 126. New Year’s Day
Lover 127. I Forgot That You Existed 128. Cruel Summer 129. Lover 130. The Man 131. The Archer 132. I Think He Knows 133. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince 134. Paper Rings 135. Cornelia Street 136. Death By A Thousand Cuts 137. London Boy 138. Soon You’ll Get Better 139. False God 140. You Need To Calm Down 141. Afterglow 142. Me 143. It’s Nice To Have A Friend 144. Daylight 145. All Of The Girls You Loved Before
Folklore 146. The 1 147. Cardigan 148. The Last Great American Dynasty 149. Exile 150. My Tears Ricochet 151. Mirrorball 152. Seven 153. August 154. This Is Me Trying 155. Illicit Affairs 156. Invisible String 157. Mad Woman 158. Epiphany 159. Betty 160. Peace 161. Hoax 162. The Lakes
Evermore 163. Willow 164. Champagne Problems 165. Gold Rush 166. Tis The Damn Season 167. Tolerate It 168. No Body No Crime 169. Happiness 170. Dorothea 171. Coney Island 172. Ivy 173. Cowboy Like Me 174. Long Story Short 175. Marjorie 176. Closure 177. Evermore 178. Right Where You Left Me 179. It’s Time To Go
Midnights 180. Lavender Haze 181. Maroon 182. Anti Hero 183. Snow On The Beach 184. You’re On Your Own Kid 185. Midnight Rain 186. Question 187. Vigilante Shit 188. Bejeweled 189. Labyrinth 190. Karma 191. Sweet Nothing 192. Mastermind 193. The Great War 194. Bigger Than The Whole Sky 195. Paris 196. High Infidelity 197. Glitch 198. Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve 199. Dear Reader 200. Hits Different
The Tortured Poets Department 201. Fortnight 202. The Tortured Poets Department 203. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys 204. Down Bad 205. So Long London 206. But Daddy I Love Him 207. Fresh Out The Slammer 208. Florida 209. Guilty As Sin 210. Who’s Afraid Of Little Old Me 211. I Can Fix Him No Really I Can 212. LOML 213. I Can Do It With A Broken Heart 214. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived 215. The Alchemy 216. Clara Bow 217. The Black Dog 218. I’mGonnaGetYouBack 219. The Albatross 220. Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus 221. How Did It End 222. So High School 223. I Hate It Here 224. Thank You Aimee 225. I Look In People’s Windows 226. The Prophecy 227. Cassandra 228. Peter 229. The Bolter 230. Robin 231. The Manuscript
Other 232. Taylor Swift 233. Debut 234. Fearless TV 235. Speak Now TV 236. Red TV 237. 1989 TV 238. Reputation 239. Folklore 240. Evermore 241. Midnights 242. TTPD 243. Eras Tour 244. 123 LGB 245. Fuck The Patriarchy 246. Ur Gay 247. Taylor’s Version 248. 13 249. Junior Jewels 250. You’ll Be The Prince 251. I’ll Be The Princess 252. Wonderstruck 253. Loving Him Was Red 254. Losing Him Was Blue 255. Missing Him Was Dark Grey 256. Sad Girl Autumn 257. Who’s Taylor Swift Anyway 258. ATWTMVFTVSGAVRALPS (All Too Well Ten Minute Version From The Vault Sad Girl Autumn Version Recorded At Long Pond Studios) 259. Ratatata 260. I ❤️ TS 261. Me Hee Hee 262. Karma Is The Guy On The Chiefs 263. Screaming Crying Throwing Up 264. Jan Ravnik 265. I’m Having A Menty B Hee Hee 266. Benjamin Button 267. Meredith Grey 268. Olivia Benson 269. Errors Tour 270. Died Dead 271. TSwizzle 272. YFYFBYNLIT (you forgive you grifter but you never let it go) 273. Take us to church 274. Swiftie 275. I’ll Be 87 You’ll Be 89 276. LVIII Super Bowl Champions 277. Tayvis 278. Folkmore 279. Everlore 280. It’s Been a Long Time Coming 281. What If I Told You I’m Back 282. It’s Fearless 283. Big Reputation 284. And They Said Speak Now 285. Into Folklore 286. My Name Is Taylor And I Was Born In 1989 287. Meet Me At Midnight 288. This Isn’t The One I Wanted 289. Ever Needy Ever Lovely Jewel 290. Alls Well It Ends Well 291. I Hate All Kanyes 292. El Travador 293. My Brain Is Alive 294. Who’s Taylor Swift Anyway 295. Not A Lot Going On At The Moment 296. A Lot Going On At The Moment 297. Blue Jays 298. Toronto N6 299. I’m The Problem 300. Welcome To The Eras Tour

I'm just here to vent. It may sound silly but...art is a HUGE part of me. Before I had kids 10 years ago if you asked me about myself the FIRST thing I would have said is "I'm _____, I'm an artist!". It was and is SUCH a core piece of who I am. I spend all day conceptualizing art, finding inspiration in every day objects- the shape of a tree branch, the colour of a fabric, a person I might see in a store or on the street. I'm so visual I pick apart patterns and colours and constantly come up with paintings, drawings, etc. I make SO much art for my family and friends, labour intensive pieces, taking up to 30+ hours at a time. I gift it to strangers and never ask a cent. I simply enjoy making my art and even more so I enjoy making people happy by surprising them with it as a gift/token of my affection/friendship.
But it never sells and it makes me feel like a failure. I put so, SO much work into it and it's all for nothing. The people I love don't display it, show it off in their homes...and that's fine. I wish they'd tell me if they didn't like it, I could make them something bettedifferent. I've tried everything from comicbook art, to realism, to pop art.
I'm VERY sensitive about my art. When people DO purchase it I cry because it makes me so happy 😅 But on the same note when it doesn't sell, which is far more common, I feel so gut wrenchingly awful.
I don't know...it just sucks.
If anyone is curious of what I make I share it on Instagram Ms.Lisa.Frankenstein

I had a bestfriend of 14 years that I decided to end friendship with after a few incidents of her just being very selfish and defensive with me. Talking things out usually ended with her turning things around and blaming me for things, including my own feelings being hurt, when I tried to express why her behavior was hurtful and rude. We had a final blow up in November 2023 the week I found out I was pregnant over me saying no for the first time to a request she asked of me, and her words to me during that argument hurt me so badly I really just couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t believe she would actually say the things she said to me. I stood up for myself and pretty much stopped communicating with her because she put such a bad taste in my mouth. She wanted to work things out, I needed space and verbalized that to her. In that time I did a lot of therapy and I decided I didn’t just want space, I also didn’t want her in my life. By that point she’d really shown me who she was countless times and talking things out always ended with me feeling more hurt and misunderstood than I started with, while she always seemed to leave unscathed (probably because I would apologize for things I really didn’t need to in order to just be able to move on, something she couldn’t do for me).
In the past when I expressed that she hurt me and asked if we could talk, she’d tell me I could say the same hurtful things to her, to not take anything she says personally, that I hurt her feelings a lot too but wouldn’t want to say what she was talking about when I’d inquire about it. I truly doubt she’ll ever apologize as this is a pattern with her and that’s what I’d need to move forward with her.
I miss her a lot and the good times but sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if I did talk things out with her. Most of the time I think my gut feelings about ending things was the best decision. This was a person who would tell me my opinion was irrelevant and pointless to bring up, who wouldn’t respect my boundaries, who was constantly impatient with me, who used manipulative and defensive tactics with me when she wouldn’t get her way. 14 years of friendship down the drain. We’re still roommates so I can’t cut her off the way I want to, although I don’t actually live there I still pay the rent for the next 3 months. I ruminate over the horrible things she said to me in that last argument sometimes and I can’t stand it.
Nothing has hurt me in life as much as this has. Sometimes I wonder if I really did the right thing. Most of the time I think I’m proud of myself, this is not someone I want around myself or my firstborn. Other times I just want an apology or some resolution that I’m never going to get.

I’m ashamed to say I saw this term on tiktok, but anyway – it was used to describe people who always have a new shiny friend they’re obsessed with. They constantly discard a friend to make place for the new doll.
And I wonder if anyone here can relate to being that doll.
Seeing it made me connect some dots. My mother did this, I was her perfect golden child, treated as a doll, then when I slowly became an adult she discarded me, and even turned me into the scapegoat.
I’ve known that for a long time, but didn’t realize that right after being abandonded like that, I met a best friend who did the exact same.
She found me online, kind of chased me, acted like I was her soulmate, and to me it felt the same as meeting other good friends. We connected. It was all familiar to me, I was happy.
I won’t victim blame myself or anyone else in that position, because it really does begin like any other good friendship. You’re just stoked you’ve found eachother.
But I see now that the difference is that other people responded differently to the switch. Once she distanced herself and treated them like trash, and found someone new, they blamed her, I saw it happen. And then they’d move on.
But I was so used to trying to convince someone to like and love me, that I just continued that pattern. For about 7 years, I tried to get back to how we started, and it messed with my mental health so much.
It’s been 8 years since I broke up with her, and still I’m having these realizations. It wasn’t just a little weird, she gaslit me, she made me feel worthless & insane. And I’m only now feeling some of the things I should’ve felt then.
There’s so much messed up stuff I wouldn’t even know where to begin, but I have to get this off my chest; she always had a few standard excuses for why she couldn’t see me. The main ones were: too busy, and I lived too far away(45 minutes, and I was always willing to come see her). Eventually I wouldn’t see her for years.
And here’s the fucked up thing I still can’t wrap my hear around: sure, I’d see her have time for new barbie dolls, new love interests, many other things, just not me. But also: I’d see her hanging out in my city, and not just that, sometimes she was around the literal corner of my apartment, and put it on instagram. She was hanging out with friends, going to concerts, going to pride, sitting in the park I cycled through every day. In the beginning, I’d text, and get either a vague excuse or no answer. And slowly, I stopped, and just cried and wondered what I’d done wrong. I wouldn’t see her for a year, and she’d be around the corner, actively uninterested in seeing me. Posting it on fucking instagram. You can not convince me that was an accident. Whatever was happening in her brain, it was a choice she’s responsible for, and she didn’t care that it hurt me. And I don’t forgive her for it.
Whenever I called her out on any of it, she’d say of course she loved me and I was her best friend, but I was too needy, and that would only make her run away. So I tried to be a ‘cool girl’ for her, without needs, never angry, never upset. And it got me nowhere, it made me miserable. She fueled my self hatred, gave my inner critic more ammunition, and that’s the stuff that really makes me angry now.
And it is insane how it all mirrors the relationship with my mother. No needs. Accepting neglect and passive agressive shit. Blaming myself. Slowly losing myself.
I’m so glad I can see it for what it is now, and I can see that pattern. I don’t think I’ll ever fall for it again.
Again, just curious if others can relate to this.

I’m not sure if this has been spoken about already, but it’s doing my head in and I need to do something about it. There are scammers all over Vinted, we all know that, but I want to educate people on what the scammer’s accounts look like and how they actually achieve the scam.
Firstly, what do the accounts look like, these are the 5 things I use and you can use to tell if the account is dodgy:
Username: Usually a name with random numbers and letters intertwined, such as j0hnathan43z0 (not a real user name)
Price: Tends to include pennies such as £48.50 or £18.75, not very common for a legit seller to use pennies, so when they do, pls check their account.
Reviews/Followers: Almost always they will have 0 followers and 0 reviews.
Photos: Poor quality photos that are clearly cropped, and sometimes have a distorted/barcode-like pattern along one of the edges of the image
Wardrobe: Usually consists of completely random items, with very good prices. Check the background in the image of each item, are they similar? Or do they look like they are taken in what’s clearly a different household for instance.
How does the scam actually work you may be wondering… well:
What they do, is they list an item, using images stolen from an old sales listing from Vinted, eBay etc. The item will be very well priced. (Most of these scam listings are posted in the evening, at around 9pm onwards, however you may notice them popping up all day)
A person will be attracted by this price, and no doubt they will buy the item.
At checkout, you will notice the only courier option is Royal Mail. Why is this? Royal Mail is the only courier on Vinted that isn’t a tracked service, it’s only 2nd class, and because of this, you have to send a proof of postage receipt to the buyer as an image, hence the “Here’s the postage receipt”… message that shows when the seller has sent you said receipt.
The scamming seller will activate this message, in doing so, the Vinted software will update the buyer telling them that their item has been sent. However the buyer won’t upload an image of the postage receipt. (Some time after this, usually an hour or so, the seller will delete their account, I’m not sure how this bit helps the scammer in any way, but they often do this).
If a parcel goes missing on Vinted, Vinted will refund both the buyer AND the seller regardless. Services like InPost and Evri can be tracked and used to prove if the parcel has been delivered or not. Royal Mail 2nd class on the other hand cannot be tracked. So Vinted assume the parcel is lost and eventually refund both parties.
What Vinted fail to do however, is check the transaction for a proof of postage receipt. Checking if the seller actually sent the item off and can prove it, would allow the seller to be rightly refunded or not (the buyer will be refunded regardless). This is bad on Vinted part obviously, because Vinted are paying out scammers for absolutely nothing.
I can’t believe they are getting away with it and it has to stop, because people are paying good money for items that never arrive, and are then out of pocket for 3ish weeks before they are refunded. I hope this post helps the community and raises awareness.
Thanks for reading and stay safe on this marketplace.
If it’s too good to be true, it usually is!

Yeah, she Christmas colored, but this is for w friend who loves Christmas. Quick and easy pattern after my last behemoth! I keep thinking I'm ready to move on to other crafts but the bracelets keep pulling me back.

When the conversation flows so easily, it’s intoxicating. The buzz of electricity when a perfect match among souls meets for the first time. When you aren’t being asked how you are but being asked questions that instead piece together who you are. To be someone’s top choice to converse with and not the choice they pick when they’ve run out of all other options. To find someone who actually cares about your day and someone who notices and questions your extended silence. To be so lost in a conversation you don’t notice how much time has passed. To be desired and admired for your intellect and wit and not simply discarded because of your appearance. To have your mind challenged and expanded by new thoughts and ideas. To be praised for your individuality, your passion, and your attention. To laugh because the banter comes so effortlessly that it’s natural to tease one another without causing offense. To recognize the time to ask for forgiveness and accept forgiveness because, inevitably, there will come a time when both are necessary among friends. To be enough as I am and not who you wish me to be. To matter.
I don’t know what I’m looking for. A friend. A confidant. I know I want something that is genuine. I’m lost, and I’m searching for a purpose. I love to read, write, and daydream about unwritten stories yearning to escape onto paper. I want my existence to matter to someone beyond those already in my life. It would be nice to enter into a world where you are someone’s first choice for longer than a fleeting moment, even in the digital world. To have a stimulating conversation that is both thought-provoking and intellectually engaging. Maybe this is an impossible feat, or these things only exist in novels, or, most likely of all, I’ve watched Bridgerton one too many times and dream about the passion that ensues when two souls ignite, even just in a friendship. I can’t help but fantasize about living in such a world with the excitement of hiding your true identity behind a quill, much like Lady Whistledown. Because as such, I am only just Penelope, a wallflower and the person in the room that no one really notices. However, as enticing as the fantasy world is, there would not be much conversation if one were not an open book so I'm willing to expose all my non-secrets for those willing in exchange.
Ideally, I would prefer correspondence via letters to truly embrace the escapism to another life in simpler times, but for the right person and circumstance, email is available for those wishing to remain in reality instead. Perhaps the same joy can be found here as well.

okay so i’ve had this friend for 3 years now. we met at work and the first thing she ever talked to me about was her boyfriend holding another girls hand and asked what i would do. since then we’ve been friends and we would go out a lot. i’m going to make a list of what i’ve been through with her to make it shorter: - let me walk home alone when i was drunk and was feeling sick because she was with me ”the guys” - she dragged me to a party out of town because her boyfriend was there and she wanted to be petty (he didn’t invite her and went with his friends) - i fell asleep on her bed after a party and she let her friend sleep next to me when i told her all night i wasn’t comfortable being around him - she told my sisters business to her roommates - she hasn’t been there for me when i’ve been going through a lot but expects me to do that for her - went after the guy i thought was cute after i told her
the list could go on and that’s not even mentioning her problems with other friends she’s lost. she had roommates when we first met and one of them was her best friend for years. now they don’t talk. so recently i moved back to my home state and we talk regularly but only about her bf. keep in mind, she went through a lot with her ex that we helped her through and she still stayed with him but complained about him all the time. and now with her current bf i see the same patterns. she’s always asking for advice but never takes it. i’ve also had a conversation with her about how i’ve felt but nothing changes. i guess im just tired of the friendship. so i’m asking for advice, should i feel bad for not wanting to be friends anymore? should i just cut her off? what would you guys do?

I won't disclose its actual location, so if that's why you're here, sorry to disappoint. It's not time for that yet. However, I do think it's time to start getting the word out. I've noticed an increase in what I'll call "Antennas" lately, or people who can detect cross-planar phase shifts. Without getting into all the math (some of which I don't even know), this is basically a phenomenon which refers to entropy seeping into our universe from other realms or universes or whatever you want to call it. Simply put, people think our universe is a closed system to entropy, meaning that the disorder of any variable in our universe can only increase or decrease in direct proportion to other variables in that same system (the universe). Under this precept, we can establish rules like the Laws of Thermodynamics, and for most people, they're effective. But not for Antennas.
Put another way, if you throw a bunch of bouncy balls into a box, there are a number of different configurations that the balls could take on, with different speeds and magnitudes. You can calculate all of those if you have the right numbers. Now let's say you throw in another set of balls that you don't consider in your calculations of the initial set. Well, then you're not going to get an accurate picture of what's happening. Most people only see the first set and calculate based on that, but some people can see two, three, four or more sets.
You'll understand the concept better when I tell you the story, but I wanted to give you a primer on an important concept that will help you understand why this place, which I'll call "Area X", exists, and what the goals of the people who work there are.
Also note that I'm going to be using the alias "Trent" moving forward. Please refer to me as such in any direct messages.
***
Eighteen years ago I started working as an independent Home Inspector. I dropped out of community college after my first semester (not because I didn't find some of the subjects interesting, but because deference to a man or woman has never been my style) and started working some odd jobs. I did construction work for a couple years, then plumbing. I even drove a garbage truck for six months. I've always found pleasure in using my hands, and getting dirty was never a problem for me. Still, having a boss really dragged ass, so I spent my free time working on creating my own business. It took a few years and lots of savings, but I finally managed to get basic set of Home Inspection equipment: Tyvek coveralls, a cheap half-face respirator, voltage & AFCI/GFCI testers, CO2 and radon monitors, an IR camera, and telescoping mirrors in addition to the boots, safety glasses, electric gloves, ladder, and toolkits I already had on hand.
My buddy at the time was in the business, but he was moving off to the coast, so he helped me get set up and even introduced me to some of his clients. Of course, by that time I had already gotten my State license, but I still was a bit apprehensive to work with insurance agencies. I thought I could make a living working independently, inspecting for mold or sizing up a house for a prospective buyer. Eventually, though, I realized I should probably take every job available to me.
Easing into the business went about as well as it could have. The clients my friend referred to me were very satisfied with my work, and I was able to retain them. Then, in order to increase my reach, I hired someone on Fiverr to build a website for my company which led to a marked increase in traffic and conversions. About six months through, I began to get on a first-name basis with the boys and girls down down at Allstate and Progressive, and they fed me some of the bigger cases. In fact, I got so booked by year's end that I had to hire someone to help manage my schedule and the Excel spreadsheet with all my finances. I capped off a successful year with a 5-star Google rating and a trip to Ireland to visit some family and friends and get piss drunk. When I got back, it was the grindstone all over again, until the summer when I discovered… well, you'll see.
First off, I want to say that I was never one to believe in the paranormal. I grew up watching the movies and hearing the ghost stories round the campfire like every other kid, but it never struck a chord with me. If I can't touch it or see it or hear it, does it really exist? Probably not. So don't go thinking this was a scared man seeing his own shadow. That being said, I had this sense that something was off about this house when I parked along the curb and looked through a large window, perhaps two times the size of my van, to a dingy, dark foyer.
The entire neighborhood was stacked with upper-middle class domiciles, though it seemed like only two thirds of them were occupied, mostly by professionals who commuted to the City every weekday, and the rest were empty. As a man who understands real estate, to say this was strange would be an understatement. Still, I had no problem appraising the mini-mansion for a couple of newlyweds looking to enter the community. I did some research on the property ahead of time, and it seems that it was owned by a couple of old timers who had gone off the grid some time ago. The water and electric bill were both unpaid dating back to 2004 (it was June of '06 now). The bank had repo'd the house (which only had about 100k left on it) and held it for a year and a half before putting it back on the market. I tried to find out more about the old couple who vanished, but there was nothing in the news.
I stepped out of the van in my coveralls and grabbed my suitcase which had my mask, gloves, and eye protection in it. I liked to do a preliminary survey first, running an eye test on the exterior then interior before bringing out the big guns (that way I could identify the areas where I think there could be problems instead of running a metal detector over the whole damn ocean seaboard). I was about to do just that when the window caught my eye again. It felt uncharacteristic of me to be so occupied with this window, but I detoured to the front porch and peeked inside anyway.
Most of the furniture had already been moved out, meaning all that was left was a single three-seater couch, a couple candlesticks on the fireplace mantle, a pristine chandelier overtop a dining room table, and the kitchenware: an oven, gas stovetop, marble countertops, and an island. I could see into the living room very clearly with the afternoon light, but the dining room was dim enough that there were a few structures I couldn't quite make out in the distance. One of them appeared to be some kind of china cabinet or bookshelf—I figured it was the former considering where it was located. The other shadow looked kind of like a grandfather clock. Or at least that's what I thought until it moved.
When I say it "moved", I don't mean to say that it picked up and walked away. If you're not familiar with the Necker Cube, I suggest you search it up, because that kind of illusion is the best way to describe what I saw. At first I was seeing the grandfather clock in a certain way—pushed into the corner of the room—and the next second my vision "corrected" and it was maybe five feet to the left of its former position. I shook my head and looked again and saw the grandfather clock in its second orientation, standing in the center of the room against the wall. I figured I was just seeing things, but even so I spent a little extra time dawdling around the Egress window, taking notes, and delaying the interior inspection.
When I finally grew a pair and went inside, I walked straight to the dining room. Sure enough, the grandfather clock was stowed away in the corner of the room. I spent a couple minutes watching it with my pencil and travel notebook out. I'm the kind of guy that likes to collect hard data when the chips are down. Unfortunately, the clock apparently already had enough fun and was content with sweating me. Oh, well.
I fitted my pencil behind my ear and pocketed my travel notebook, then flipped the rest of the first floor lights on and completed my prelim. I concluded that everything was pretty standard. If anything, the house was in better shape than I'd expect considering it presumably hasn't been lived in for a couple years. I say "presumably" because one can never count out squatters, even during those times. Mainly I was expecting more dust build up and cobwebs than there were. Perhaps someone from the department had come by recently. It's unlikely, but possible.
I did the same check upstairs and it came back mostly clean. There was a bit of staining near the attic I wanted to check for mold. Based on its color, it was probably just a minor case of Aspergillus, but better safe than sorry. Then I got to the basement, and, well, let's just count out the idea of anyone dropping by. I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't what I found.
The first thing that caught my eye was the long, slender body of a birch tree lying pale and dead across a large portion of the even larger unfinished basement's cement flooring. I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't dreaming, but, yep, there it was. Its crown was sealed up in the wall with only its trunk hanging out, which made me think of those medieval pillory devices which locked up people's heads and arms. Then confetti-scattered around the tree and all over the basement floor was a minefield of broken glass and ceramic tangled up with a set of random objects. And when I say random, I mean random. There was an unfurled Somali flag (the blue one with a single star in the center), some packaged drinks and condiments branded with all sorts of different languages (I could only make out Gaelic and Chinese or Japanese, I couldn't quite tell), a broken dome-shaped security camera, an otoscope (the thing the doc uses to check your ears), Hot Wheels cars (okay that one isn't so strange), and the list goes on.
At that moment, I wasn't freaked out or disgusted. I was more or less just confused. I started walking through the rubble, trying to avoid the sharp fragments but pretty confident that my steel toed boots would crush most the pieces anyway, when I heard a clink just up ahead. I was able to spot the coin in time, just before it jingled to a halt atop an old Life magazine. I picked it up and noted right away its oval shape and bronze color—clearly not American made. I tried reading it, but not only was the language not English, it appeared to be so old that most of the lettering had been filed down. I looked up at the ceiling to see if it dropped from a shelf, but there was nothing that could have been holding the coin. I considered for a moment, looking around at the other junk, and had the crazy idea that maybe all this stuff just appeared here. I popped the coin in my pocket and headed back to the van when I stopped by the tree and realized something. It wasn't a birch tree—it was a palm tree. I just didn't realize because of how ashy and decayed the bark was.
Now at this point you might think I've been acting a little nonchalant for such a strange occurrence, and I don't blame you, but if you're gonna stick around with me that's just something you're gonna have to get used to. I guess I was just born with a screw loose, but I really don't scare easily, and I tend to look at everything pragmatically. If you dig deep enough, you'll always find another plausible explanation. That being said, I do want to get to the part about Area X, so let me give you the rundown on what I learned about this basement.
I ended up trekking back to the van and picking up my gear. I was no longer running the routine inspection, obviously, but I figured I might as well throw 30 thousand dollars of scanning equipment at whatever the fuck anamoly existed in that basement. Most of it came back negative. There was a bit higher-than-usual EM interference as picked up on the voltmeters, but nothing that screamed danger close. Still, it was enough for me to set up my volt testers and IR camera while muddling through the rest of the junk. I won't bore you with another list of items, but I did find one thing of value: a diamond necklace. And not just any diamond necklace, it was one of those Queen-wearing, multi-row, big-jeweled necklaces like out of some Historical Fiction movie from the thirties. I almost didn't pocket it because I'm used to expensive items being owned by someone… someone who might want it back. But I figured if there was ever a place the finder's keeper's rule applied, it was probably in this Quantum graveyard.
7 O'clock rolled around and I hadn't eaten. I'm a pretty bulky guy, carrying my share of both muscle and fat, and most people think that means I need to eat a ton but that's really not the case. Mostly I just get dehydrated easily, especially in the summer. That said, I was bordering on famished territory and considered heading out for a bite when I heard another sound. The first thing I did was check my scanners, and sure enough the voltage needle was fully spun to the right side of the dial. EM interference. Then I went to see what had dropped. I was able to pick the object out pretty quickly since I had spent the last 6 hours staring at the mosaic of a basement floor. It was a silver briefcase, like one of those out of a crime novel, and it was cracked open.
I had this sense then that I was standing at a precipice, and if I opened the briefcase and looked inside, I wouldn't be able to stop whatever would come afterwards. Part of me deep down knew that I was just that type of guy that had to know, and maybe this was my Hamlet moment where it would be a trait gone a step too far. But then again I didn't really believe in any of that sentimental bullshit, so I opened the briefcase.
The gun surprised me a little, but not as much as the piece of paper laid atop a case file reading in large black font, "FIND ME". I expected the envelope to have some missing person file in it, but instead there were all these schematics and blueprints for some kind of device. Whatever it was, it was pretty massive. Some of the lengths were hundreds of meters long. And what's more strange is based on the blueprint's locale, it appeared to be underground. I looked back through the pages a couple times, then checked the note—nothing strange there. The gun appeared to be a simple glock. I was no gun expert, but I had been to the range pretty regularly with my construction buddies, so I got used to the feel of a pistol and rifle and some of the different names; however, I realized pretty quickly it wasn't your standard glock when I couldn't find mag-release. That's when I noticed how light the gun felt. I tried to chamber a round, but again, there was no hammer. What the hell kind of gun was this?
I ended up throwing everything back in the briefcase, including the necklace, coin, and a few Koozies I found that were branded with one of my favorite sports teams (never let an opportunity go to waste). I put up all my shit back in the van and spun over to a local burger joint, got my fill, and went home. I made sure to draft an email to the prospective buyers, telling them the house had several patches of black mold and a bit of a rat problem before drifting off to sleep. Although I really didn't do much of that.
When I woke up, I took a cold shower and downed a can of Reign, then commuted to my gym and got a lift and some sauna time in before making the trip back to the house. I brought some extra supplies with me for some experiments I cooked up while not sleeping the previous night.
First, I had two camcorders set up on a couple tripods in either corner of the basement. I wanted clear footage of these mystery objects spawning in. Then I set up a voltmeter in a similar fashion, but I had a wire extending out of it on a circuit which fed to an alarm that would blare when the reading was over 250 volts. Upstairs, I rearranged some of the furniture so that the small number of tables, chairs, clock, cabinets, and other little pillows or vases I could find were scattered across the living room, dining room, and kitchen. Then I pulled up a lawn chair to the front porch window and waited.
I didn't have to wait long though. In about a minute, I started to notice some of the objects moving. It was strange. When a few of them would shift simultaneously, it was like looking at a holographic card that would change shape depending on where your eyes were in relation to the image. Every time I saw a shift, I felt an awkward feeling in my eyes. They went blurry for a fraction of a second, then there was a twinge of pain, as if my brain couldn't handle the contradictory stimulus. It didn't get more crazy than that though—until the alarm went off.
I had cracked open the small rectangular window in the basement to the side of the house so I would hear it. It took four hours and several strange stares from passersby walking their dogs before it rang, so I was a bit lost in my thoughts, but when I heard the beep I perked up fast. It lasted for maybe 5 seconds total, but what I saw was truly miraculous. The best way I can describe it is a pool of silver or gray or translucent light emerging in the foreground between me and the objects in the different rooms. A series of twisting tentacles sprouted from the gray octopus-like head and spun in a way that reminded me of that little kids ride at the amusement parks. Then the objects started to "heat up" is the way I describe it. Their position became relative, meaning they were here one second, there another, then they popped out of existence entirely. Suddenly the rooms were all empty, then they were full of things I had never seen before. Then five seconds passed and the octopus vanished and it was back to the same old objects in their usual places.
It took a few minutes to process what I saw, and even then I wasn't sure I really saw it. I went inside and looked around at my distribution of the house's furnishings. They were all there, intact. Then I went downstairs to check the cams. I rewinded a couple minutes and played it back, but there was no flying object to be found. Instead, there was some gray static that lasted half a second and then the object, a kid's treasure chest toy, was there on the ground. But you want to know the really strange part? I rewinded the tape again, and when I watched the footage back, the treasure chest was always there.
I later came to understand that these poppings in-and-out of our reality are only conceivable to a conscious mind that can track the interference patterns—not rote computational instruments. In fact, even most people can't do it (although everyone has at least a slight awareness of it, even if only subconsciously). Plus, locations like the basement of this house are very rare and kept under tight lock. That became obvious to me two days later when, after my normal morning routine, I pulled up to a driveway and curbside filled with unmarked government vehicles. Either bravely or stupidly, I pulled up to a few officers (they were wearing suits in 85 degree weather, so I assumed…) who were idling by the large fence of crime scene tape and asked them what the score was.
"There was a crime," said the short man with a unibrow.
"Oh, is that right? Damn shame. Someone break in? I have a niece who lives nearby, so…"
The man looked at his two compatriots, both of whom were wearing sunglasses and a "get this civilian fuck out of here" expressions. "Oh, yeah," he started in a reassuring tone that was so condescending it would have annoyed anyone except me, "we found a body. We think it was a homicide. Best to keep your kids away from here for a while."
I thumbed the stubble on my chin, my other hand outstretched on the wheel, and considered moving on, but my mouth had other ideas. "That right? But uh, isn't this house vacant? I mean, I don't remember no one living in it."
The short man, now tall with temper, said, "Yeah, some squatters. We think there was a dispute over some drug money. Nothing for you to worry about though, we got it under control. Now if you wouldn't mind moving along, we have a lot of work to do."
Oh, I'm sure you do, I thought, but only said, "Of course, sir, sorry for keeping you from your job." Then I rolled up the window and cruised on, keeping my eyes on the house which slowly diminished in the side-view mirror.
Luckily I had been smart enough to break down my camp and lug home all my equipment each night, so I didn't leave anything incriminating. I didn't move the furniture back, so maybe that would come back to haunt me, but considering the kind of shit going down in that house, I didn't think they would notice.
For any of you wondering about the conclusion of the house story, I went back a couple weeks later after the suits had left and the tape was taken down and confirmed that not only was the basement entirely cleaned out, but it was no longer exhibiting any strange properties. I looked for a story related to the house, maybe a made up murder of some kind, but there was nothing. That bastard lied to me and didn't even bother to cover his story up.
Now, in the aftermath of an event such as this, I really only had one of two options. I could forget it, move on, continue living life. The necklace was surely worth a fortune. I could sell it and have enough to retire, or at least hire enough people and expand my business large enough to retire within ten or so years. Or I could take all that money and invest it in my own PI business with only a single objective: finding out what those people knew, and why they were hiding it.
I think you know me well enough by now to guess which line of reasoning appealed more to me.
***
For the sake of brevity, I'm going to omit most of my encounters along the journey to discovering Area X. There's a lot to tell, and if it appeals to you perhaps I'd be willing to share at a later date, but for now I want to get this part of the story, the more proximal part, out in the open.
Three years ago, I discovered the source of what I'll call "The Receiver". This is the device that was schematized in the documents that I found in the briefcase. What it does is a complex answer, and how it does it is pretty much all speculation, but here's what I've been able to find out: this universe we live in is a node in a network of many other spaces. These spaces exist in higher dimensions that we cannot directly perceive, but using a conceivable analogy, just think about a flower with petals. The petals are these other dimensions which bleed into our world, which is at the center. However, it's not that pretty. We see the physical world through the lens of spacetime: sizes, speeds, etc. These other dimensions don't necessarily have space or time. In fact, what actually exists there, I couldn't say. The only data I have on them is from two sources: correspondence information and server data from the secret agency (which I'll call "the Organization") that keeps this under wraps, and first-hand experience with realms from these other entities, either directly (I experience it) or through the eyes of someone else with the same or greater abilities than I possess.
I referred to these people with abilities earlier as "Antennas", and I will continue to use the term. Antennas really come in three flavors, marked by the strength of their ability: weak Antennas, like me, are able to observe spontaneous interactions between our universe and other dimensions (phase shifts) when there is a strong force of collision like existed in the basement; moderate Antennas may see phase shifts occur at any point, and they usually are able to retain memories from across the different transformations; strong Antennas, and I don't know if they exist yet, but they are able to consciously interact with these other realms and cause phase shifts to occur.
I mentioned that moderate Antennas are able to retain memories from before and after a phase shift. Technically, all Antennas have this ability, but it's about degree. I can recall only very specific instances and without much detail. Moderates are usually able to pick out much more nuanced minutiae. At the lower end of moderate scale, most of those details fade or get fuzzy over time, but for the very strong Antennas, they hold onto almost everything. One other property that scales with strength is interaction with other conscious entities. Only a small percentage of moderates are able to do this. What's interesting is that these entities can possess (yes, like ghosts) people who aren't even antennas, but no one is aware of such possession at this deep of a level. I have several companions now, and only two have had interactions with these otherworldly beings. Not all of them are malevolent, some of them are whimsical or kind, but there are a fair share of demons out there.
Getting back to the point, Area X started as a government funded project in the 70's. At that time, they were focused on a few subjects: Artificial Intelligence, DNA sequencing, and psychedelics. Yes, they were part of the infamous LSD experiments. But they looked at these subjects through a common lens—there was something that the burgeoning tech industry, fueled by the advent of a commercial computer market, was missing. As the tech giants rose in the early 2000's and began to collect mass amounts of data, this other agency was decades ahead in a different metric, although it was completely (and still is) hidden from the public. Their efforts to understand psychedelic experiences led to a formalized method of understanding interactions between multiple realities. They built certain scanning equipment to detect anomalies like the one I found in the basement; although their tools were much more sophisticated and didn't utilize voltage readings. Then they ran tests in these areas. One area in particular is a hot-bed of phase shift interactions. That's where Area X is located (and the Receiver).
The Receiver is a giant electromagnetic orb that has trapped the kind of multi-dimensional energy that causes the phase shifts; since the Organization seized control of the lab, it's effectively become a map of the Earth in relation to these other worlds. For the past twenty or so years, the Organization has been studying this map, using the data big Tech companies have collected to essentially develop a Rosetta Stone for interpreting the meaning of the fluctuations in their scanning equipment. Recently, the public, though going the long way round, was actually pretty close to a breakthrough in this same department until recently when ultra-powerful LLMs surfaced, and the whole world began going down what I'd argue is the wrong rabbit hole of language processing. But I digress.
Area X is essentially a private military base built for defending the most impactful piece of technology ever invented. With the Receiver, the Organization now has the power to essentially predict any and all future outcomes, the only thing holding them back is the limitations of their own scanning equipment which will get better with time. To put it into perspective, the Organization has access to a kind of data allocation tool which in one day can produce over ten thousand times that the Big Data companies combined would be able to filter through in the next decade. You might think, then, that the problem is merely asymmetric power, and that is certainly a concern, but it isn't the main concern. The main issue is that this organization is actively recruiting (and kidnapping) Antennas from around the world in an effort to find or make one of them into a strong Antenna. In other words, they want a subject who is able not only to see the future, but to manipulate it at will.
balance to the world. I've been working on amassing resources, capital, and building my own team, and now I'm ready. You might ask why I'm posting this here. Wouldn't it be better to keep all this secret? Well, yes, it would be. But that's the problem. Nothing is secret anymore. They know about me and the others, and if I don't make a move, they will. In a way, this is a letter directly to the organization that I know, and I'm coming.
In a different way, I wanted to release this information to the public. There are lots of people out there waking up and realizing that the world they experience is not the one others experience. If you think you might be an Antenna, don't be afraid—you have a special gift that can be controlled. If you want more details on how to control it, or if you're interested in my mission, don't be afraid to reach out. This hasn't always been my life's work, but it is now.
At least until I die.

Me (20) and my now ex-girlfriend (29) were together for a year (I was 19 and she was 28 when we met). We met due to studying the same course at university and we instantly hit it off. The start of our relationship was very intense. It felt perfect. We had an amazing connection, things seemed to flow so naturally, and things therefore moved very quickly. I even visited her home country and met her family after only a month of being together. We spent so much time together and we seemed perfect for each other. As a result, we both became very quickly attached to one another. Despite how perfect things were in the beginning, there were occasional glimpses of our own issues making their way into the relationship. For example, I started noticing small, sudden shifts in her moods and behaviour towards me. She was always so talkative, bubbly, and enthusiastic towards me, but there were a few instances during which she suddenly became more distant and silent, and her behaviour felt different than usual. This confused me, especially considering I didn’t know what the reason was. It left me guessing if there was perhaps a problem between us or if it was just a natural shift in her mood. Sometimes, it was due to her having a problem with me and other times it was just a natural fluctuation in her mood. However, I would always have to guess which one it was and as a result I started to become very aware of her moods and I felt like I had to start paying a lot of attention to the relationship to not accidentally upset or disappoint her in any way. When things were good between us, I rarely felt insecure, but when I suddenly started noticing shifts in her mood or behaviour towards me, I started to feel anxious and insecure.
To further elaborate, at times in the relationship, I found it difficult to read, predict, and understand her moods and her behaviour towards me: her behaviour felt inconsistent to me at times. One day she was super loving, talkative, and interested in me, and the next day it felt different. However, I didn't know if my feelings were justified or if I was simply overthinking and overanalysing her behaviour. Since she didn't tell me what was the matter even when I asked her, I was left confused and still guessing why there were these shifts in her mood.
She did tell me that she found it scary to trust others and, therefore, to be fully open with me. She told me that was why she would push me away sometimes, meaning that my feelings were not completely unjustified. She admitted herself that she could be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. She was also older than me and more the independent type, and didn't always need a lot of attention, which is also an explanation for her change in behaviour. However, I didn't know that at the beginning of the relationship.
There were times where it felt like I had to follow an exact script on how to act or what to say to not upset her. She would become upset at times, because she didn’t think I appreciated her or because I didn’t give her the reaction she had in her mind. When I didn't live up to these unspoken expectations, she became more distant and silent (or even slightly pasisve aggressive), like I mentioned before. She wanted me to naturally know what she wanted, since in her mind it was obvious and she didn’t feel like she was a hard person to to read, but it wasn't obvious to me. This didn’t happen too often, but it still had an effect on me.
To give an example of how she could deal with these unspoken expectations, there was an instance when we did grocery shopping together. I paid for it at the time, but she told me to send her a payment request for half of it and when I did so a few days later, I immediately noticed a slight change in her energy towards me. When I questioned her about this, she told me that there was nothing wrong, but when I came round her place later that day. she was extremely cold and unaffectionate towards me. Her reaction was like I had cheated on her. I wasn't allowed to sit or be close to her, she was visibly upset, she wouldn't talk to me, and I had to sleep on the opposite side of the bed. I even mentioned if me sending her a payment request was an issue, but she told me that it was fine since she had told me that I could send her one. The next day she was hot and cold towards me, going from acting normally towards me to cold and distant again. Only after I became very upset and questioned her about it again did she tell me that the reason she was acting that way was because she wanted me to offer to pay for the groceries. She had paid for the groceries last time, so she wanted me to pay for them this time (I would have had no problem at all with paying, but since she told me to send her a payment request, I did). She told me that she became upset when I hadn't offered to do so naturally, which caused her to feel like I didn't appreciate or care about her enough. This was the most extreme example from our relationship, though. However, this situation caused me to lose some trust in her and her words.
Her behaviour wasn't intentional. It seemed to be due to a mix of her character and the things she had gone through in her past. It seemed like it was more of a coping/protective mechanism for her. She was aware of this, but her awareness wasn't always enough for her to cope in a different way.
In the cases where I felt like there was a shift in her behaviour, mood, or energy, it left me guessing if there was anything wrong. I had learned to associate a change in her mood as there potentially being something wrong. I was just afraid of there being a problem between us and not knowing about it, like the payment request situation (and other situations).
At times, my insecurities, anxious attachment, and my resulting codependency from this relationship significantly affected her and put a strain on the relationship. For example, there could be absolutely nothing wrong and I would create a problem out of nowhere. I was dependent on her for my happiness and if there was even a slight bit of attention focused on someone else, it would bother me. Sometimes, this would make me overly needy and controlling. This frustrated and triggered her a lot, because she also wanted to give other people attention and felt suffocated by my unreasonable demands. This was also a reoccurring pattern in the relationship.
My fear of there being a problem between us which I might not know about, my fear of not being as important to her as she was to me, and therefore, my fear of losing her became too strong at times, which caused me to become insecure and worried. Especially the times where my insecurity and worry was unjustified affected her a lot. During those times, she felt like I was causing issues for no reason and she felt upset and frustrated that, despite her giving me lots of attention the days before, I would still need reassurance and interpret her behaviour as there being something wrong between us. This made her feel drained, annoyed, suffocated, and upset.
Her reactions tended to be quite defensive and dismissive towards me. I understand her reaction, because her feelings were completely justified, but she chose to respond in those ways to vent her frustration. She would tell me that I was annoying, way too needy, that I should stop overthinking her behaviour, and that I should work on my insecurities. She was correct though. During these moments, I would become very apologetic. I just wanted things to be good between us. There were also times I felt like I was taking responsibility for things I didn't feel responsible for, just to make sure things were okay. She wasn't completely wrong regarding what she was saying to me, but it was harsh. It was absolutely not my intention to cause a problem or to frustrate or annoy her, but because it seemed to affect her enough for her to become so defensive, I thought that my behaviour was unacceptable and blamed myself a lot. I also started feeling like my feelings were completely irrational and therefore I started doubting myself more.
Therefore, at times, I felt like I was walking on eggshells. I was afraid of bringing up a situation in which I thought there was something wrong between us, because I was afraid of being wrong and her reactions tended to be quite defensive and dismissive. She also felt like she was walking on eggshells at times due to my tendency to overthink her behaviours. She didn’t want to cause a problem either, since even small shifts in her behaviour could worry me.
During the relationship, I could at times become jealous when I was insecure, for example when she spent time with her friends or family without me, either through texting or in real life. This would obviously frustrate her a lot and was one of the most difficult parts of the relationship for her, since she was just spending time with others and didn't see how that could be a cause of insecurity for me. I tended to be rational and calm when I was insecure or jealous, but there were occasional instances where that wasn't the case and I acted in a more passive aggressive or guilt-trippy manner. I am not usually a toxic person, but I did display some toxic behaviours at times during this relationship.
We both had past issues which we projected onto each other at times. The relationship was very intense and that meant there were also many highs and lows. We had a deep affection and care for one another and we both thought the relationship was too good to be true. For me, it felt too good to be true be in a relationship for the first time and to have a romantic experience with someone I cared so much about, because I had never experienced that before. For her, it felt too good to be true that I was so kind and caring to her, because she had never felt that before from anyone else to this extent. She had always felt let down by people before in her life and she couldn’t believe that I wasn't like them. We were both afraid of losing each other. For me, it was expressed by going above and beyond for her, a tendency to be more clingy and have a need for reassurance, wanting to always feel close and connected with her, and things like that. For her, it seemed like she could show a combination of becoming distant and pushing me away, but also becoming very vulnerable at times too and showing me lots of love and affection.
My ex told me a lot about her past trauma and how life had been quite difficult for her the past few years. Her grandmother had passed away a 6 years ago and during that time she lost her group of friends (which included her best friend) after a big conflict in which she felt unfairly treated. It seemed like she had had quite a few friendships in which she didn’t feel like her needs were being met and she tended te feel unfairly treated. It was a reoccurring theme in her life.
Her other grandmother passed away ahalf a year before we met. She didn’t really have many friendships to rely on either at that time, because she studied abroad and her friends and family were obviously not present to support her. She also struggled a lot with academic stress during our time together. She had failed a few exams and fell behind, which compounded her struggles, especially since she was still grieving the loss of her grandmother. Then, her family dog passed away very suddenly 10 months into our relationship. It felt like her dog passing away was the last drop that made the bucket overflow. She loved that dog so much and it really affected her. Her grief was very intense. These incidents played a massive role in her mood shifts, especially considering she is an emotionally sensitive person and her moods already seemed quite easily affected at times.
She wasn’t emotionally stable and her emotional regulation seemed to be lacking at times too, especially considering she was 29. I was 9 years younger than her and in general life situations, I felt like the more stable and mature person for most of the relationship. I didn’t always act that way during our conflicts, though, but in general life it seemed like I was more regulated and rational. I was also the one who tended to take on a more caretaker role in the relationship due to my codependency.
Her emotions could be intense and easily triggered by other people or life stressors. She tended to attribute her behaviour and reactions more on external factors, such as her past experiences or the bad things happening currently in her life. Of course, she did take responsibility too, but often after the fact. Initially, it always felt like the world was against her. She was often the one feeling the most hurt from her past friendships. It was hard to not feel bad for her.
As a result, during the last two months of the relationship (after her family dog passed away), her emotional instability reached its peak. It was like her world fell apart. Her moods were very up and down, and she had depressive episodes during which she broke down crying a lot. During that time, I was pretty much her only emotional support. I took care of her a lot during that period. Things became very draining for me. Towards the end, I had given everything I had for her and had put all of her needs above mine. I felt more like a parent than a boyfriend. During this difficult period, we started triggering each other more frequently. I was often worried about her well-being due to her not taking care of herself very well during this period. I was starting to find it very hard to be supportive since I had become emotionally numb around that point. I had nothing left in me anymore. When I mentioned to her that I felt drained, she would feel upset. She interpreted it as me saying that her emotions was too much and she felt invalidated. Granted, I could have worded it more clearly, but I definitely didn't say it how she interpreted it. Towards the end, my behaviour also became slightly passive aggressive and controlling/possessive at times (I told her once that it bothered me how much she was texting her friends and that I wished she would text them less), and I had made an insensitive comment. I mentioned to her that I had become slightly less attracted to her and that she had gained some weight. I had become a caretaker for her, she wasn’t really taking care of herself, and I felt like this relationship was very draining to be in, and as a result I found myself feeling slightly less attracted to her. This feeling really bothered me, because I didn't want to feel that way. I loved her and wanted to feel 100% attracted to her. I thought it would be best to simply be honest with her. However, I should have worded it differently, because it obviously hurt her a lot. I should have not made it about her attractiveness or weight. I did apologise a lot and tried to reassure her that I did still find her attractive, but the damage was already done. I meant well, but I was very naïve in thinking that bringing that up was not going to have an effect on her. That is a harsh lesson learned from my side. I still feel bad about it.
However, I also felt very unfairly treated by her during that last part of our relationship. I did so much for her during that period relationship, yet she still managed to interpret some of my behaviour as me not caring enough sometimes. She seemed to become upset more frequently about very small matters and at times it seemed like she was nit-picking problems or finding reasons to become upset at me. This resulted in her becoming distant and passive aggressive towards me. That was very frustrating and exhausting to deal with, especially when I was already starting to become emotionally drained. She would say things like “Sorry for existing then” or “I guess I’ll just stop that then” when I felt bothered by something. This was also due time her own struggles and her grief at the time, so I fully understand.
Towards the end, my needs were not getting met. I just wanted to help her through this immensely tough period and it was more important to me that her needs were met than mine. I just wanted to see her happy, because as long as she was happy, I was happy.
Overall, she was generally a very loving, funny, kind woman who obviously cared a lot for me. We created so many amazing memories together and I will never forget her or the relationship. At times, things would be absolutely perfect between us and it felt like a dream. The relationship wasn’t constantly negative. We shared periods of stability and there are many examples of times when we were able to communicate in a loving and healthy manner. We shared a real love and had an amazing connection with one another. We were together for a year so that obviously counts for something.
The relationship became unhealthy for both of us, especially towards the end. There were toxic behaviours from both sides rooted in our own issues. However, there were also periods of stability and calm. It wasn't always a constant rollercoaster. Looking back, I believe we we did share more good memories with each other than bad ones, but in the end the relationship seemed to reach a point beyond repair. She felt very drained by my constant overthinking, and my insecurity and jealousy. She felt like she had to constantly prove herself as a result, which upset her a lot. She already had her own struggles and it seemed like my insecurities became too much for her and that the relationship became too unhealthy and upsetting towards the end. This was my experience so it will undoubtedly be biased in some ways. However, it is still a valid experience and I have tried to acknowledge her side as well.

Some time ago I made a post like this on AMA in Portuguese, and as it got a lot of engagement, I decided it would be cool to do it here too.
The reason I'm here is because I believe there are many aromantics who never perceived themselves as such. (and a theory of mine: the largest group of lgbt+ is made up of aromantic and asexual people. Do you really believe that the reason why East Asian countries have a problem with a lack of marriages and births is because of too much work and difficulties in raising children?)
A summary of who I am. Woman, Brazilian, in my 30's, heterosexual, a very calm person who likes to lead an uncomplicated life. Aromantic who has never come out publicly because I've never been in any situation where I needed to come out, only to my mother, who doesn't believe that's what I am. I think everyone around me believes I'm a repressed lesbian, especially my mother keeps hinting that "I don't have a problem with gays, only with gays who don't come out", which is why I only had to come out to her . She still doesn't believe it exists.
I've never had any problems with being aromantic, just small inconveniences. I was always the one who never had a crush on anyone, I only found some boys cute, and I always had to stay silent in talks about dating. In adult life, it's a bit of an institution to have to be married, dating or looking for a new love, something I'm not part of. And the world was definitely made for couples.
I found out when I was about 25, and it was the most anticlimactic situation you can imagine. I like discovering new things (I'm one of that kind of person who's a walking encyclopedia), and I was curious about what the entire acronym for lgbt+ is and when I read the definition of aromantic, I discovered that's what I was, and I kept reading another meaning of another letter. This sums up my relationship with myself about my sexuality and affection: I never cared much. For years I defined myself as non-lesbian and asexual, because I imagined there was something different about me, but it wasn't being lesbian or asexual, but that was never a problem, nothing I thought about or suffered about. I knew I was interested in the opposite sex, but my interest was different from the other people around me. Less painful, less intense, more punctual.
I often forget that I am aromantic at all.
For me it's basically equivalent to discovering that I had an ancestor I didn't think I had: just a curiosity about myself, but completely irrelevant.
And I am a person capable of loving and suffering because of it. I definitely suffered more for my friendships than for men, which doesn't mean much... I'm passionate about animals. In this world there is love and romantic love, and these are different things. I can feel the first, I can't feel the second.
TLDR: Aromantic woman who discovered this in adulthood and never had any problems with it. AMA!

I 24F have been living with a housemate 27F with a drug addiction for the past year and last night I spoke to her about things I don’t agree with as a result to her addiction. Part of this is I no longer want to resume living with her when our tenancy runs out in 3 months time. This was a sudden decision but I need to get away from the situation before I feel trapped or out friendship gets strained further and I don’t want to leave her with false hope that if she gets clean I’ll change my mind because if she doesn’t I have to have this conversation again with even less notice. I understand her anger at me for discussing what I did with her but she argued over not talking about it sooner. Which yes in hindsight would if been better to handle the situation but i don’t know how to handle addiction. I have luckily never had to be in this situation before. I wasn’t fully aware to get extent it had gotten and I also spent a long period of time not in the house due to issues with the property around 2-3 months at the start of the year but this conversation had to happen now before it was too late.
However after the conversation I am wracked with guilt that maybe I should have said something sooner but whenever I tried I either got told not to worry about her or she’d say she’s fine so I would leave her as I believed her and wanted to believe she was ok. I feel horrible for having to tell her but throughout the conversation she just said why didn’t I talk to her sooner but I tried in the past. she just got angry and doesn’t seem to understand it wasn’t said to hurt her. I tried my best to talk calmly and while reading the letter to her I cried but was met with anger understandably so. I don’t hate her despite what she must think and at this time I am respecting her space and whenever she wants to talk I’ll listen I don’t think I have done everything right in this situation but i also dont know if the result would of been any different if I had done earlier. I don’t want to fallout over this as I consider her my close friend but maybe I left it too late to have this conversation. This morning I woke up to her partner who also was present as a support for her if she needed it has called me disgusting childish and said that this was a facade and basically dragged the conversation into a group chat with those who were not involved and having ahi I haven’t responded besides saying please do not do this over text and that I’m happy to discuss their feelings in person but to not drag anyone who was not there into it and for everyone to just stop then I left the group. AITA

Hello All, I posted on here about a month ago about my struggle of figuring out my relationship with my husband who is also questioning his sexuality. You can read it here. Appreciated all the kindness received.
Anyway the more I explore this and accept the truth of who I am. The more I realize that #1 you have to talk about it. Whether that’s in therapy, to your friends or to the strangers on the internet. Even all of the above like I’ve been doing. Every time you share, that weight you’ve been carrying lightens a little. #2. The topic of this post and why I’m expanding on my story instead of half sharing the truth. If I can help someone not go through the trouble I have then my internet sharing is worth it.
Going through this journey it’s been really helpful to me to think about my past, present and the most difficult how I see my future.
I’ll start with my past, both behaviors and stuff that made me want to hide those behaviors. Also trigger warning abuse and SA present, but truth helps.
My parents were teen parents and divorced by the time I was 2. I was in custody of my mom who was very unstable. One day she would be amazing and we would read books all day and normal fun mom stuff. Some days she wouldn’t leave bed. Other days she’d have so much uncontrollable anger she’d break everything in our house. It was a dice roll everyday of my childhood on if she was gonna be dead, nice or a raging bitch.
When I was 5 years old, I was obsessed with the Spice Girls. Particularly Sporty Spice. I wanted to be just like her. My mom told me “why can’t you be into any of the other ones that aren’t lesbians” Funny because to my knowledge Mel C is not gay and just prefers to wear athletic clothing. Still not off to a good start.
Pretty much exclusively only played with boys because I could not understand how to relate to girls. Anytime I played pretend or Barbies with girls, I wanted to be Ken or the dad or whatever. That definitely weirded some friends out. So I mainly had friends that were boys that I could play sports with. My mom would always make comments about how hanging out with boys was “unladylike”.
My dad got remarried and my step-mom was not having my little tomboy self. She made my mom look like a saint. Literally forced me to wear makeup and clothes I did not want to wear, by any means necessary. I was smacked by a variety of objects. Told me I would not be allowed to see my dad if I continued to want to “act like a boy” said I was a bad influence on my step - sister. I was literally just existing as I always had with my more stable parent. Unfortunately my dad loves this woman and followed along. It is what it is. Naturally even though I love my half brother and step-sister. I stopped visiting except at extended family holidays.
Through out my childhood my mom would have “boyfriends”. In a sense they were but really these men were people my mom was using for a house or drugs or whatever she thought she was into at the time. So my role model for relationships was sleeping with men will get you where you want to go. Some were very nice, some were extremely not.
Enter my half sisters dad/ my step dad. My mom married him around the time I was going through puberty. He was noticing that I exclusively hung around boys and assumed I was interested. Took it upon himself that he should teach about sex. He started with making me watch porn with him and then would start to suggest I practice stuff with him where it was safe. I was 11. I had learned from dealing with my mom that voicing my feelings just lead to blow ups. So I went a long with it even though I was uncomfortable. Luckily they divorced when I was 13.
So a trauma response when you can’t fight or flee is to disassociate. You just go off in make believe land until the danger passes. My make believe land was always my pretend relationships with girls I had crushes on. Anytime throughout childhood that’s where my mind went when I was stressed.
By the time I got to high school I had started having trouble making friends. I couldn’t hang out with guys anymore because they naturally wanted hook up with me. I couldn’t hang out with girls because I couldn’t separate attraction and jealousy from friendship. No home life. This ended up with me attempting suicide my sophomore year.
Luckily I survived. I stay kinda quiet but I’m able to find an outlet in sports and I am so thankful for that. Once I found out sports scholarships were a thing, and could help me escape my home I was all in.I also at this time began the same pattern as my mom. I was dating a boy who was two years older than me and living on his own. I lived with him and put up with intimacy because I was out of my house. He dumped me when he found out I was going out of state for college. He was also always very jealous I was excelling at my sport and getting offers.
College I joined a sorority and started hooking up with lots of guys. In my head it wasn’t that I wasn’t attracted to men. It was that I was afraid of sex due to my childhood and I could exposure therapy myself into liking it. As you can guess that doesn’t work. I stopped because it was not helping my emotional well being whatsoever. I told myself the next guy I hook up with is going to be someone I “love”.
I met my now husband 2 years after graduating college. He was perfect. He was not actively trying to get me to have sex with him ever. We had similar experiences of not being able to connect with others in school. We truly enjoy each other’s company. We can’t figure out sex though. I thought it was just an aversion because of my traumatic childhood. Not being attracted to him never crossed my mind.
So now the present. You can only repress yourself so long. On paper my life looks incredible. Stable job, husband is enjoyable to be around, upper middle class shit. Literally the life I longed for as a child. But I feel empty, trapped, stuck. I’m still disassociating with fake women relationships all the time. Thoughts I assumed would just go away when I got married, they don’t.
I think the best thing that’s helped me lately navigating this is asking myself “am I doing this because I want to or because I think someone else wants me to”. Is it because I’m scared of reaction or because I want this. I’ve kind of come to the conclusion that if I’m worried about my husband’s feelings at the expense of my own, I’m never going to have fulfillment or feel like I’m living life.
I still have a lot to unpack and deal with because I still am afraid of homosexuality due to the literal beating of it out of me. What I can tell you is at least accepting I’m attracted to women has given me a confidence I have never felt in my life. I look forward to finding out more of who I am, when I’m not avoiding others reactions. I am so grateful I stumbled on this community. I encourage everyone to keep sharing. You never know who you may be helping.

Hey fellow Pisces pals, I need to get something off my chest – I can't stand Geminis! Now, hear me out. I'm usually someone who's pretty chill and can handle all sorts of personalities, but there's just something about Geminis and their inconsistencies that drive me up the wall.
I have this Gemini friend of many years, and our relationship is like a rollercoaster – on again, off again, never quite stable. It's like they're always changing their minds, and their unpredictability annoys the hell out of me. While I can usually tolerate people's quirks, there's something about the way Geminis flip-flop that gets under my skin.
I've noticed a pattern too – Geminis I attract as friends always seem to want to dive deep into a friendship with me, but they can never maintain it. It's like they're drawn to my empathetic Pisces nature, but then they can't handle it when things get too real. It's frustrating because I'd rather keep things surface-level with them, but they always want more.
Anyone else have this experience with Geminis? How do you handle it? I'm all ears for advice and commiseration.

im currently pulling an all nighter and dayer making bracelets for the tour and i need some cool ideas for the bracelets!! so far i’ve only done albums songs and lyric abbreviations!! give me anything and i might do it:D even if it’s just your favourite olivia song, all i need is letters and a colour or two