Hi all,
The TL/DR of my story is an EP in September 2023. I had a positive HPT at 3w6, but within days started having bad uterine cramps, followed by that horrendous gas pain. Started spotting at 4w5, with an ER visit that couldn't confirm anything. By 5w, pain was very localized on right hip and started bleeding pink. Ended up back in the ER with OB pretty confident it was an EP - follow up HCG had decreased from 4w5 but US suggested mass. So they offered either admittance for observation or going in for exploratory surgery and I opted for the latter. EP found in right tube, tube removed.
One thing to note is that since the surgery I've had constant waves of low-mid weird pains and cramp in my uterus and/or tubes from ovulation to menstruation. I basically had about 5-7 days during my cycle pain or discomfort free. So suffice to say, my abdomen is super sensitive, I think, due to the scar tissue from surgery (my OB couldn't find any other source of pain).
This cycle has been super strong, I had significant ovulation cramps on my still tube side, which didn't go away. By the end of last week, I had strong suspicions that we'd been successful although we didn't get a positive til yesterday morning with a very light HPT, followed up by a blood test confirming raised HCG at 11 (10 DPO). Today's HPT is much darker and of course I've emailed my OB to get follow up quantitative tests.
However, I am continuing to have strong pains (both shooting & dull) on my left side. I'm really hoping this is something to do with the CL cyst given my sensitivity. I have light-mid uterine cramping, nausea, and weird sharp pains in the my mid-rear back (indigestion?).
I remember someone's advice on here as: don't worry about something until you have to worry about, which I'm really trying to do. But I guess my question for those out there who have been through this next nerve-racking two-three week period, how did you get through this?
I'll be returning for HCG tests over the next week (OB has already ordered them), and will get booked in for an US ASAP if I have bleeding/significant pain. It's so difficult to be excited when weird pains knock you down into the awful EP spiral. My main outlet for stress management is exercise (climbing, trail running, cycling), but right now this is too scary to do.
Thank you for reading my post. I appreciate this group so much, it has got me through the last 8 months that have at many times felt so isolating.

This is more of a rant than anything else, but I just had to talk about it. This post is kinda lengthy, so there'l be a TL;DR at the bottom. I'll still do my best to keep it short.
My (26M) girlfriend (24F), who I've been together with for over a year now, has a 9 year old niece, let's call her Emma. Emma's mother broke up with her father when she was 6, because he just didn't do his part of the whole parenting thing. He pushed all the responsibility away from him and onto Emma's mother. He might make a great weekend parent, but that's about it. He gets her every other weekend, the rest of the time she's with her mother. Emma always wanted to have a sibling, but due to health complications, Emma's mother (31F) isn't capable of getting another child. A rare genetic mutation runs through her family that increases breast cancer chance from an average of 5% to a whopping 89%. All females on my gf's family's side have or will have their breasts taken off before they hit 28, and their uterus taken out once they hit 40.
Emma's mother already had breast cancer, and they removed her chest. However, on her end, her genetic mutation's severety is increased by hormones produced during ovulation, so she has to take a medicine that basically disables her womb entirely. She will have to take this medicine until they can remove her womb, never allowing her to have another kid ever again. She's been trying non stop to get another kid, but sadly, she suffered 4 failed births, and I, as a man, could never imagine what that does to a mother, especially since her child was almost begging for a sibling.
Now comes the point where calamity struck. The ex of Emma's mother got another girl pregnant. Emma finally got the sibling she asked for, but even tho this should be a reason to celebrate, Emma's mother was heartbroken, desperately wanting another child herself. It didn't help that Emma was basically talking 24/7 about her new brother, which really just poured even more salt in her mother's wound.
On monday, she (Emma's mother) went to work in the morning normally, but after half a day had passed, she complained about incredible lower abdominal pain and feeling sick, so they took her to the hospital. There they diagnosed her with an inflamed pancreas, caused by a gall blader stone preventing this yellow liquid stuff from running out of her pancreas. They operated her by removing the stone and leaving a stent to keep the hole open, but during the operation she threw up and parts of it landed in her lungs. This caused a chain reaction in her body, and she's currently intubated, laying on ICU, with failing kidneys, an inflamed pancreas, an inflamed lung and high fever, fighting for her live.
Emma's father on the other hand is completely overwhelmed with taking care of Emma and the infant, because his girlfriend is a dragon and forces her will upon him, which slowly deteriorates Emma's relationship to him. When she's around, she ignores Emma completely. When she's at her place, Emma isn't allowed over for no reason. Currently, she's laying in hospital with back pain, leaving the 4 days old infant at home. This man who barely knows how to father was tasked with taking care of an infant. Additionally, he has to take care of his 9 year old daughter, Emma, who is frightened ahout the fate of her mother and wants nothing more than to get comforted by her parent, and both of thay combined is too much for him, so what's the logical conclusion? If you guessed taking the infant to the hospital to it's mother, you're wrong! He kicked Emma out!
My girlfriend and I of course picked her up and took her in. We had to improvise for dinner and re-schedule our entire evening, make her do her homework, bath her, prepare her school bag for tomorrow, all that kind of stuff, cause her lousy father wasn't able to do just that for her yesterday.
I'm currently chilling on the couch because we don't have a spare bedroom ready and Emma has a great connection to my gf, and I can't sleep because I'm so upset about all of this. Neither Emma nor her mother deserved what happened to them, and if worst case scenario strikes, what is this incompetent fool gonna do with this child? My gf and I fear for the worst. We've been talking about it, and came to the conclusion that, if Emma's mother doesn't make it, we might persuade Emma's father to give her up for adoption so we can take her in. I know it sounds cruel, but Emma's life would be hell if the girlfriend of her father was involved hin her life, and first and foremost, we care for Emma. Emma and I are starting to get along great too, I'm helping her with school work and her math grades have already improved. Is it wrong for us to think this way? Emma's father has always been a terrible father.
TL;DR my girlfriend's niece's father kicked her out while her mother is in the hospital, fighting for her life, because he is overwhelmed with the responsibility of having her and a newborn from his new girlfriend in.

Let me start by saying I'm a very sexual person. I've been sexually assaulted at 13, pulled through the ringer by my misogynistic fathenarcissistic mothelegalistic grandmother and Baptist school at that age. I went through a purity ceremony so people would stop judging me by the oral sex I was groomed and coerced into engaging in with that older man. I saved myself for marriage, and have held myself to the highest standards of perfection ever since. I would no longer be compared to "rotten apples at the bottom of the tree", a used napkin, etc.
Now - since I'm talking to procreative Christians and I feel the need to extensively defend my stance, here are my reasons I've never wanted to have children:
1. I am autistic. The smells and sounds surrounding children overstimulates me to the point of having meltdowns. I was even afraid of other children when I was a child myself, and was friends with mostly adults/older people (hence making me a prime target for SA). I was even kind of scared/disinterested in baby dolls as a child. I remember I had a Barbie doll and my grandma said, "She's trying to tell you 'Mommy, I'm cold' " and I was taken aback and disgusted and thought "I'm not her mother." When there are children at a store, I have to go into another aisle. Their screaming, their crying, their bodily functions - it's overwhelming. Even when I'm around my nieces I do not let them touch me and I have to wear noise cancelling earbuds so I can bear the situation as long as possible. When I was asked to babysit as a teenager, I had meltdowns from being overstimulated and needed help from someone else and was never asked to do it again. My husband, also ADHD, is overstimulated by children and needs breaks very often.
2. My husband and I both have emetophobia. This is one of the ways we bonded before our first date! He's kept a running log of exposures to sickness/norovirus/food poisoning since he was a little boy and has foods he won't eat due to trauma associated with vomiting. When I was about 2 years old, my dad said that I was in a high chair next to another child who coughed and I started panicking and squirming yelling "He's gonna barf! He's gonna barf!" I remember being 4 and whenever I'd watch a movie I'd ask my parents if it was a "puking movie". I remember each time I've ever vomited in my life and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't traumatic. My husband can't even clean up our cats' hairballs - he gags and has to leave the room. Thankfully I don't have this issue.
3. I have childhood trauma. My dad hated women. My mom hated my dad and was a narcissist. I was a marital rape baby. She didn't want kids. She got drunk and my dad, wanting children, saw that as an opportunity. I was supposed to be aborted but she was convicted and didn't do it and everyone celebrated it. She's told me her entire life how much she hates sex but it was worth it because she had someone who had to love her no matter what. I could go on and on but let's say she was emotionally a teenager and I spent most of my life raising her, coddling her, and guiding her through her divorce from my father. My mom didn't deal with me being neurodivergent well and saw me as an inconvenience when I had my needs. This deeply hurt me. With how overstimulated I get around children and physically am less tolerant of it than her, I'd hate to pass this trauma on.
4. I have struggles with food/body dysmorphia. Being autistic makes me socially inept. The only connections I've been successful at making are due to "pretty privilege". I hate to admit this and my father thinks I'm vain because I'm a woman and it's "in my nature". I worked as a personal trainer after dealing with an eating disorder for 14 years. I've had tremendous amounts of body shaming and I associate taking care of my body with taking care of my temple. I train hard. I have a strict diet. I will age, yes, but due to my genetics I don't carry weight well and I feel disgusting AND weird instead of just weird when I'm fat. My husband and I even met because he's attracted to thin women. When I was 14, my mom actually thought I was ugly because of my hair, teeth and weight. That stopped when I lost 40 pounds. My Christian school made me wear men's clothing because I was "blessed" (according to a teacher who made this rule while staring at my breasts). I stopped having these restrictions when I lost weight.
5. I cannot deal physically with pregnancy. I have some form of endometriosis and I've been to the ER multiple times for the shooting, stabbing pains that doctors have always said was "normal" and have never believed me. Going on birth control allowed me to hold down a job that I didn't have to double over in pain at, allowed me to not have to skip class due to feeling like I was going to meet God if it got any worse. I take my pills continuously and haven't had a period in over a year and I've never felt better. I also have blood pressure/blood sugar issues and faint often, and need to adhere to a rather strict diet so I don't faint. The unpredictability of children and having to sanitize my food environment whenever their dirty hands come into play would honestly have me fainting once a week.
6. We're not financially capable. We're in debt. I work a full time job and a side gig resulting in 50-60 hour work weeks just to stay afloat. With how rent and food costs are rising, I don't see how this is possible to do alongside me having to cut down those hours to deal with pregnancy, post-partum issues, etc.
Now, it's easy for all Chrsitians to tell me I can pray this away and get over it. Friends, I've tried. I've been on 4 different antidepressants. I've been in therapy most of my life. I've self-harmed all of my teenage years and have tried to "not think about myself" and be a therapist/caretaker for everyone else which led to further burn out. I've tried to be normal as much as I can but my oddities just spring up. It's been like this for almost 30 years and I don't know how to stop it short of a barbaric lobotomy.
I feel shame having sex for pleasure. I've been in a sex positive community of women online for a while and am finding myself LOVING having sex. But I feel like I'm sinning, fornicating even - for not being open to procreation. Even though I take pregnancy tests each month, test my husband's vasectomy annually (8 clear tests thus far after 6 years), use ovulation monitoring strips each time I have sex (and 4 subsequent days after), take birth control continuously and wi-fi monitor the temperature/humidity of where my pills are stored, I still feel like I'm walking around with a target on my back for God to hurt me. I'm actively looking into a bilateral salpingectomy because of the sheer dysphoria I feel with the fact that my body is capable of such horrors. I'd honestly rather lose a limb than endure pregnancy.
I know God isn't above creating people for holiness over happiness and using them at their detriment for how he sees fit (e.g, Job, Judas, etc.). The curse of women is to suffer misogynistic rule, to endure pain in childbirth, to give in to her husband's sexual desire with a lowered ability to enjoy the process, and to be silenced and resigned to a role of obedience. Who am I to try to skirt God's will? He's righteous, he has the power to hurt me, he knows me, and it's terrifying. God will do with me what he will, and it's up to me to praise him from my second-class citizenship in society. God set it up - he created Satan knowing he was evil. He put satan in the garden alongside tempting fruit with his (at the time) perfect creation, knowing the fall of mankind. Then, he placed the curse on Eve for being tempted and giving in to what looked like something that would bring her pleasure and comfort. He put me in a marriage where I'd want to have sex. I am tempted to. Why would he not curse with me with what would hut me most should I give in? Sex feels sinful. But it feels good (obviously). I did everything right but I feel that the goalpost has moved due to the aforementioned issue. When you're a Christian woman, you have 2 ways to have sex:

1. A fornicating whore who has sex outside of marriage.
2. A God-honoring wife who is looking to please her husband and start a family.

I have sex and I'm met with so much guilt because we are not open to having children. I have a suicide plan (my father is OK with this and has even said that he wouldn't "rather have a baby than me" because he is so against abortion) should I ever get pregnant because abortion is out of the cards. Intentional miscarriage is possible but I feel that God would punish me through more insidious ways should I go this or the abortion route. Logically, prevention of the issue altogether is the best issue. This paragraph should also tell you that I would not raise a child well or even trust myself not to become the next Andrea Yates as a result of post-partum mental issues. I am relatively stable now, but I know I could not handle this.
Yes, before anyone asks I am seeing a therapist. But due to financial restrictions I can only attend twice per month. So if you reply and you're going to give me that "go to therapy" cop-out, please refrain from giving me a notification to check.

Warning this will be a long post, it has everything I've learnt in the past couple of years from hair growth, to styling, to weightloss, to nervous system regulation and more.
I'm in my early 30s, I have 3B hair, tall, two years ago I was obese, prediabetic, I had anxiety problems, now I'm just a tall [seemingly ;) ] effortlessly pretty black girl and I want all my beauties on here to have my beauty secrets.
Topics discussed:

• Haircare
• Style
• Makeup
• Teeth
• Skincare
• Weight loss vs Fat loss
• Healthy Fat loss
• Body Recomposition
• Inflammation
• Gut Health
• How to lower androgen/testosterone levels
• Nervous System Regulation/Stress Management
• Tea Cycling
• Seed Cycling

Hair

I have PCOS so it affects my hair growth and causes hirsutism, basically male patterened facial hair and male patterned baldness.
Hair Growth: Here is the true secret sauce to hair growth, stimulating your scalp. I do daily scalp massages with a bamboo brush (even the bristles are made of rounded bamboo) very gentle. This is the one I use: Golab Beauty I do short strokes which prevents any tangles. Morning and Night. I then go in with a scalp serum, I use The Oui scalp serum but it costs a pretty penny. In the first yearish I used (The 'Ordinary' Haircare Growth Set Multi-Peptide Serum For Hair Density) which worked wonders and was cost effective. At nights I seal with any scalp oil that has rosemary oil. Sadly Mielle's formula no longer works for me, but As I Am rosemary oil has been working, I also like the Camille Rose Rosemary Oil Strengthening Hair and Scalp Drops. For Washing my hair I suffer from sebaceous dermatitis which causes scaliness. Paradoxically my scalp is so oily which is what triggers the ezcema and develops the dry patches. Reversing my PCOS symptoms fixed this but what also helped was the Nizoral shampoo with 1% Ketoconazole. It's harsh so I do it once to twice a month at most and I always follow up with a moisturizing shampoo, and of course finish with a wash out conditioner & leave in conditioner.
Hair Retention: This is the info we all know about preventing breakage but I'll include just in case. Hair growth happens in the scalp like said before but to retain that growth it's important to wear protective hairstyles (especially while asleep), a silk/satin bonnet or wrap, silk/satin pillowcase, do not let your hair air dry at night. There is debate about this but I've seen hair specialists and scientists say our hair is especially fragile when wet (especially curly/kinky hair). Therefore, we are much more prone to snags and breakage while our hair is wet. So going to bed make sure your hair is dried. If you're air drying your hair during the day try not to touch it too much - as little manipulation as possible. Personally choose to diffuse/blow dry my hair and this has prevented most of the breakage I was previously experiencing. Lastly, moisturize and oil your ends. I won't pretend like I know which order is best or even if it's important but I've found that using hair moisturizediluted leave in conditioner then hair oil works best for me.
Hirsutism/Facial Hair: Spearmint essential oil. I add 1-2 drops of the oil to my moisturizer each time I put on my moisturizer and it helped A LOT with reducing my facial hair. I also drink a lot of spearmint tea. Spearmint specifically has been proven to lower androgen/testosterone levels which is why it helps. I also took supplements which I'll include at the end because they served multiple purposes. Be sure not to add the oil to the entire bottle because that will ruin your moisturizer's formula. Just add the drops in your palm/finger tips and mix in your face cream each time you moisturize your jawline, chin, underneck. Also, do this after moisturizing the upper part of your face without the oil because it's harsh and the scent can be irritating to your eye area.
Body hair: Personally I sugar wax my arms and legs, the hair has grown back so thin now. I make it myself and follow tutorials from abetweene on youtube.
Hair colouHairstyle: This will depend on your face shape and color season. I'm a dark winter colour season and I have a heart face shape. I used the Dressika app to discover my color season before I could afford to get myself professionally assessed and I got the same results. Just be sure to use natural lighting, like by a window. Once you have your colour season you can choose hair colours that work best for you (although natural almost always works best). For my hairstyle I try to choose styles that compliment my heart shaped face. I used the youtube channel Dear Peachie to help me with figuring this out.

Style

I think most of us know about Kibbe and colour seasons. This was how I upgraded my wardrobe. I'm a soft dramatic so I wear things that work for my tall height and accentuate my waist.
This was the game changer with colour seasons. Most of us know about our true seasons, but it can get restrictive. Sister seasons and colour dissonance is also helpful to know.
My colour season is dark winter, so my sister seasons would be dark autumn and true winter. Thid gives me more wiggle room to style myself.
Dissonance are colours that are outside your true season and your sister seasons, you sprinke this in to add interest. Think of an outfit that is extremely matchy and cohesive but has that one accessory or item that stands out and adds interest. It's really fun in art and in fashion.
For my shoes I've started wearing dancing heels which help my flat feet lol and look stylish. Heel insoles help too, as well as the product Shoe Gummi. I still can't last more than 2, 3 hours at most but it's definitely bearable compared to before.
Matching pajamas and loungewear. You just feel so luxurious dressing up at home and they can (should) be comfy :)
Accessories:

• I wear glasses that work with my heart shaped face.
• I have a neutral leaning warm undertone so I wear gold jewelry, if I wear pearls or other gem stones I mix in gold to provide more harmony with my skin.
• Perfume, wear what works with your body chemistry. Some smell delictable on people I know and icky on me, and vice versa. Wear what works for you.
• Nails, press ons. So convenient, so cheap.
• Hair accessories, bows, barretes, clips, scrunchies, a ribbon, you could be wearing jeans and a t shirt but a simple hair accessory upgrades the look automatically.

Makeup

I used the youtube channel Dear Peachie to help me with finding eye looks, brows, blush placement for my face shape
I have a low visual weight face and I am a romantic ingenue, because of this I go for more subtle looks that emphasis two facial features maximum at a time (eyes, lips, cheeks).
Don't get me wrong I love glam bold makeup but soft and subtle makes me glow, I turn heads when my makeup is done like this.

Teeth

• Wax free floss (Cocofloss $10 expensive but I love it 😅, Burst black floss, Moon graphite floss, Twice floss, Dr. Jen’s silk floss)
• Oil pulling (coconut oil with clove & tea tree oil, or Guru Nanda oil pulling product)
• Brush teeth
• Tongue scraper (not everyday, couple of times a week and not too hard)
• Alcohol free mouthwash (TheraBreath)
• More so related to my lip area but I try to use wrinkle preventing straws or when I do use regular straws, I place it on the side of my mouth. The reason this works is because puckering the lips excessively causes smokers lines/wrinkles around the mouth.

Skin

Skincare. This was something that took me a while to work on because of my PCOS, age, weight and etc.
Facial Care: The basics includes chemical exfoliation, retinol, moisturizerecover. I cycle my nightly skincare routine with this in mind and always keep the same morning routine. Mornings look like this (Jojoba oil to help while I use my gua sha, Water based cleanser, eye cream, vitamin c/peptide serum, moisturizer with a drop or two of glycerin, spearmint oil mixed with face cream on the jawline & neck area, finish with sunscreen).
My nights I alternate these routines in this order
Night 1 - Chemical Exfoliation (Oil cleanser to help while I use my gua sha, Water based cleanser, eye cream, glycolic/lactic acid, moisturizer with a drop or two of glycerin, spearmint oil mixed with face cream on the jawline & neck area, castor oil on lashes and brows)
Night 2 - Retinol (Oil cleanser to help while I use my gua sha, Water based cleanser, eye cream, retinol, moisturizer, spearmint oil mixed with face cream on the jawline & neck area, castor oil on lashes and brows)
Night 3 - MoisturizeRecovery (Oil cleanser to help while I use my gua sha, Water based cleanser, eye cream, retinol, moisturizer with a drop or two of glycerin, rosehip oil as sealant on entire face, spearmint oil mixed with face cream on the jawline & neck area, castor oil on lashes and brows)
Repeat Night 1 - 3 (sometimes I need more days to recover if my skin is sensitive or acting up, do what works for you personally)
Other things that I've done/used to help: red light therapy (helps with both hair growth, so I use it on my scalp, and with stretch marks so I use it on my face and body), Microcurrent device (helps with collagen production and stretchmarks) - I use the brand NuFace & NuBody, Volufiline (a skin serum I mix with eye cream that helps with hollowness under the eyes, Kigelia Africana Skin Cream (I use the brand Maelys B-Perky which contains this ingredient and helped to tighten my chest area and my loose skin on the area), face yoga and myo fascia face massage, these help with the tautness of my face (basically everything else helps with wrinkles, these exercises and the microcurrent helps and prevents, sagging especially jowls). I follow tutorials I search for from youtube.
Body Care: Similar to facial care body care includes exfoliation, retinol, moisturizerecover
Night 1 - Physical Exfoliation (Dry brush/Body Scrub, Hydrating lotion with a few drops of glycerin, rosehip oil as sealant on entire body)
Night 2 - Retinol (Jojoba oil to help while I use my gua sha, retinol body wash, retinol body lotion)
Night 3 - MoisturizeRecovery (Jojoba oil to help while I use my gua sha, Hydrating lotion with a few drops of glycerin, rosehip oil as sealant on entire body)
Again, repeat Night 1 - 3 use more days for recovery if needed
Stretch marks/loose skin: Whether due to weight gain, pregnancy, etc. we can't ever truly get rid of loose skin or stretch marks but moisturizing the skin and derma rolling can help with the appearance. Especially derma rolling. Do NOT derma roll while pregnant but you can do so after when you’ve recovered and talk to your doctor (if you've had a c section you have to wait before derma rolling). I used this video as motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChG8aSvEU6A
For the body I never went beyond 1.5mm it worked for my deepest stretch marks. If this is too aggressive 1.0mm still works just as well. Make sure you use 70% alcohol as this is what experts say is better at disinfecting. It has more water, which helps it to dissolve more slowly, penetrate cells, and kill bacteria. The disinfecting power of rubbing alcohol drops at concentrations higher than 80%-85%. Make sure you disinfect the derma roller before and after use, and make sure you disinfect your area of contact before rolling as well. Do not do heavy workouts workout or sweat inducing activities for at least 3 days after and avoid harsh products.
I started derma rolling while working on losing weight (at the beginning of my journey while still obese) and continued a year after losing 130lbs. Derma rolling works by causing micro tears, the skin heals the area and in the process of doing so develops more collagen - leading to thicker skin, lighter stretch marks and tighter skin. Since I did this before losing the weight it helped my skin adapt a lot. I won't pretend like I have 0 loose skin or stretch marks but it's barely visible. Someone has to be intimately close to notice. Obviously genetics, how slowly you lose the weight, diet, and moisturizing the skin helps but my PCOS contributed to low collagen (thin skin) and so the derma rolling really helped.

Weight loss vs Fat loss

Tons of info here but I promise if you read through it helps to know this stuff.
Weightloss comes down to calories in versus calories out. I know that's rudely simpliflied and not that easy, but it truly is the answer to weightloss (which may be fat, water, or muscle). This is why people can eat barely nothing, lose weight but their shape stays the same (basically skinny fat). It's also why fasting or going low carb works so fast (water weight is the first to go).
Fatloss on the other hand is more complicated. This involves our TDEE (Total Daily Energy Expenditure).
TDEE includes: Resting/Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR), Metabolic Equivalent of Task or Exercise activity thermogenesis (EAT), Non-exercise activity thermogenesis (NEAT), Thermic Effect of Food (TEF), and Adaptive Thermogenesis (AT).
BMR (~70% daily energy) the energy taken to exist, so tasks like breathing. Your sex, body composition (muscle to fat ratio), age, and genetics play a role in this EAT (~5% daily energy) the energy taken for exercise weight lifting, swimming, high intensity walks, etc. NEAT (~15% daily energy) the energy taken for non exercise movements like walking, fidgeting, showering, standing, etc TEF (~10% daily energy depending on the macronutrients of your meal) the energy taken to digest, protein has the highest TEF of all the macronutrients, Carbs have a TEF of around 5-10%, while Fats have the lowest TEF, around 0-3%.
Adaptive Thermogenesis (AT) is the changes in energy expenditure (energy used) that occur in response to changes in energy balance. For example when you eat more food than you need, your body may increase energy expenditure to prevent weight gain eg. move more, eat less the next day, etc.. On the other hand, when you eat less food than you need, your body may decrease energy expenditure to conserve energy and prevent weight loss eg. less movement, eat more the next day.
Other things that affect AT include diet composition (eg high/low protein, high/low carb, calorie dense foods, etc), physical activity (eg. weights vs. cardio), and environmental factors such as temperature and altitude.
Things that influence AT can make weight management challenging, as it can lead to plateaus or rebounds in weight loss efforts. This is why lack of sleep, hormonal issues, aging, etc. makes weightloss harder.
Here is a clearer example of this
Things that affect calories in:

• 8-9 Hours of sleep (Maintains metabolic homeostasis, insulin sensitivity, hormonal processes). Compromised sleep lead to:
  • Increased Gherlin (hunger hormone - feeling hungrier & therefor eating more)
  • Decreased Leptin (sensation of satiety - needing to eat more to feel full)
• Insulin resistance: This is when the cells in your muscles, fat, and liver don't respond well to insulin and can't easily take up glucose from your blood. This results in excessive sugar in the blood & as a result the body produces more insulin in order to try to help the cells obtain the energy from glucose. This leads to weight gain as the insulin increases hunger. Also, since the body is insulin resistant, the excess glucose is converted to fat for long-term storage.
  • Things that can cause insulin resistance: PCOS, Inactivity/sedentary lifestyle, family history of diabetes, gestational diabetes, hypertension, alcohol abuse, poor sleep habits, high cholesterol levels, metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular disease, high bodyweight, acromegaly

Things that affect calories out:

• Body Composition (Fat to muscle ratio)
• Gut health
• Compromised sleep affects our energy levels which leads to
  • Decreased NEAT (Non exercise activity thermogenesis)
• Hypothyroidism (lowered levels of T3 and T4)
  • Thyroid hormones T3 and T4 affects every cell and all the organs in your body by regulating the rate at which your body uses calories/energy which is known as our bmr, meaning this affects your metabolic rate.
• Too few calories lowers daily NEAT
  • By eating below your BMI (calories needed to perform basic biological processes), your body makes up for this through energy conservation by lowering your NEAT (non exercise activity thermogenesis). Basically you lack the energy to perform your normal daily activities. This also affects your body composition and cardio health as you become sedentary (stop moving as much).

Healthy Fat loss

So to lose fat in a healthy way you need to:

1. Get enough sleep (8-9 hours per night)
2. Manage your stress levels/nervous system regulation
3. Look after your gut health
4. Manage inflammation
5. Increase your daily steps (8-10k per day)
6. Weight lift
7. Eat high protein (protein takes the most amount of energy to digest).
8. Manage your insulin resistence
9. Eat in a caloric deficit (make sure your calories in do not exceed calories out).

Futher information about the bold items in the list is included below. Also, I know this all seems overwhelming but keep in mind you are creating a lifestyle change. This is not a quick fix.
To manage your insulin resistance (info from the book Glucose Goddess by Jessie Inchauspé):

• Eat within an hour of waking up
• Protein with breakfast
• Tablespoon of apple cider vinegar before each meal (diluted in a glass of water)
• Eat foods in this order, veggies -> protein -> fat -> starches -> carbs -> sugar
• Never eat sweets/dessert/carbs on an empty stomach (dessert after dinner)
• Keep refined carbs and added sugar at a minimum.
• Minimize alcohol intake
• Try to minimize sodas, fruit juice and sweet drinks (this is because there is no fiber to help with the glucose spike or at least try to have these drinks after eating something fiberous)
• Only eat fruit whole, not transformed eg. eat the orange instead of having the orange juice, again fiber makes a world of a difference
• Put clothing on your carbs. Eg. have protein/fats/fiber with your carbs
• A short walk after carb heavy meals
• Fasting - this is controversial and I should add a disclaimer, if you in any way shape or form have or had an eating disorder, especially restrictive eating, I highly recommend against fasting. Intermittent fasting has a lot of studies out there that were done on men. The book Fast Like a Girl by Dr. Mindy Pelz includes a nuanced view of fasting that takes into account our hormones and our monthly cycle. She also has a free app 'Fast like a girl', you log your period and it tells you how long to fast. However, bioindividuality is key here, genetics, etc. Please if you are considering fasting make sure you get bloodwork done first. Manage your electrolyte levels, do not neglect iron and protein levels. Personally, I prefer using the other methods since fasting can also inadvertently worsens insulin resistence due to increased stress/cortisol which cause higher hunger cues. Some with insulin resistence found fasting to be helpful. So make sure you do what works for you and always consult your doctor.
• Supplements:
  • Vitamin D paired with Vitamin K1 & K2
  • Magnesium Biglycinate (I take this before bed)
  • Omega-3 Fatty Acids
  • Turmeric
  • Coenzyme 10 (Take with Clomid & Vitamin E)
  • N-Acetylcysteine (NAC)
  • Inositol
  • Zinc (Important to Note: It works inversely with testosterone - raises testosterone if your levels are low and lowers it if your levels are high)

To eat in a caloric deficit, calculate your TDEE and subtract 200-500 calories from that number. I like using this calculator. https://tdeecalculator.net
Eg. If it's calculated to be 2000 calories, you subtract 200, so 1800 should be your daily calorie intake. For the activity levels make sure you do not oversell yourself. Here is a general guide:

• Sedentary: Office job sat all day or less than 3000 steps per day
• Lightly Active: Exercise 1-3 times per week or 3-10k steps daily (up to 3-4 miles daily)
• Moderately Active: Exercise 3-5 times per week or 10-15k steps daily (up to 4-7 miles daily)
• Highly Active: Hard exercise 6-7 training days per week or 15-20k steps daily (up to 7-10 miles daily)
• Extremely Active: Intense daily exercise/hard physical labour 7 days a week or 25k+ steps daily (up to 10 miles daily)

As you lose weight your body adapts so after a while you may need to recalculate your TDEE and deficit. Once you are at your ideal weight, you no longer subtract the 200-500, you simply eat the TDEE amount to maintain but you do this gradually. After I lost the weight I came out of the deficit by adding 50 calories to my daily intake per week, till I was at maintenance/my TDEE. This prevented me from gaining fat or water weight.
Lastly, muscle mass (increase in muscle raises your metabolic level, meaning you burn more calories at rest). This is ideal and is also how you'll see someone who is short, seemingly small but weigh more than you imagined. Muscle density weighs more than fat. Think of a 50 pound dumbbell versus 50 pounds of feathers, you would need a whole lot of feathers to match the weight. Same difference, you need a larger volume of fat to equal to the same amount of muscle. Therefore, lifting weights is ideal because you will become more toned, burn more calories at rest, be able to eat more even when you've lost the weight to maintain your phisique, you'll be more insulin sensitive, and you will have stronger and higher bone density (really important for women, we lose up to 5% of muscle mass per decade after the age of 30).

Body Recompositon: Weightlifting for health (and aesthetics), lose fat & gain muscle

It is possible to gain muscle and lose fat at the same time. I followed Huskular Goddess and and LexiiGettingFit for inspiration and they were really the ones that opened my eyes to the concept of body recomposition (gain musle while losing fat).
The benefits of this is as you're getting smaller your TDEE is increasing. This means by the time you lose the weight you'll still be eating an adequate amount. The other benefits include insulin sensitivity versus insulin resistence, higher metabolism, and a improved body composition like I mentioned before in the dummbell versus feather example. The downside is the number on the scale won't have a dramatic shift while your clothes will be fitting looser. Again, weight density plays tricks on us and it's easy to get caught up in body dismorphia but I promise it works.
In order to sustain and build muscle while losing fat, you need to be consuming enough protein while remaining in a caloric deficit. So 60-80g of protein per day minimum to lose 1-2lbs per week. Ideally it should be 0.8-1g of per pound of lean body mass. Eg, someone is 300lbs and they want to get down to 150lbs. They would eat 120-150g of protein per day. If this is too much, try to get at least 60-80g like I mentioned before. Remember even though 1-2lbs per week sounds small, the changes are significant because of the muscle gained. You will look and feel smaller.
Weightlifting for a rounder booty (I reshaped my glutes by weightlifting. Hormones can actually affect the shape and my PCOS did a number on me. I developed a V shape over the years. Round, square, heart, A shapes are all based on your bone structure and fat placement. Some of us just have those stubborn fat deposits in certain areas that are genetic, even when we lose the weight, it's a smaller version but the same shape. V shape on the other hand is largely seen in older women post menopause and in younger women with hormonal disorders. This is becuase the hormonal imbalances also causes muscle imbalances. Regulating your hormones helps but it won't grow the muscles for you, so I used Fit With Emely's glute guide based on your glute shape (completely free, I watched all her videos to get this info and it took me two years to go from a V shape to a round shape.
Here is the guideline for each shape:
Glute Maximus - Everyone should be working on glute maximus. It builds the shelf and overall size. Step ups (all variations), hip thrusts (all variations), lunges, rdl, leg press, all squat variations Glute Minimus - (V and Square shapes), this muscle fills in the middle between the top and lower glute. Hip abduction, single leg bridge, Standing hip abduction/cable raises Gute Medius - (Heart, Round, and A-shaped) this muscles builds a longer hip for top portion of the glutes. Eg. Single leg squat, Single leg deadlift, Cable clamshells, Reverse lung, step ups Underbutt - Everyone should be working on underbutt but this is especially useful for V shaped folks. It works the hamstrings and lower portion of glutes. Good mornings, single leg rdl (also works minimus), single leg hip thrust (also works maximus), hip abductors (also works minimus)
How to structure workout:

• Warm up/Dynamic Stretches (specific to the muscle group you're working eg. lower body warm up or upper body warm up, etc.)
• Compound exercises (2-3 exercises eg. single leg rdl, good mornings, leg press - for each exercise you do 3-4 sets, 8-12 reps, with 3-4 minute rest between sets). That probably sounds like a foreign language to some, so for instance:
  • Start excercise 1
  • Set 1 (repeat exercise 1 - rdl 8 times)
  • 3 minute rest
  • Set 2 (repeat exercise 1 - rdl 8 times)
  • 3 minute rest
  • Set 3 (repeat exercise 1 - rdl 8 times)
  • Move on to exercise 2
  • Set 1 (repeat exercise 2 - leg press 8 times)
  • 3 minute rest
  • Set 2 (repeat exercise 2 - leg press 8 times)
  • 3 minute rest
  • Set 3 (repeat exercise 2 - leg press 8 times)
  • Move on to exercise 3
  • Set 1 (repeat exercise 3 - good mornings 8 times)
  • 3 minute rest
  • Set 2 (repeat exercise 3 - good mornings 8 times)
  • 3 minute rest
  • Set 3 (repeat exercise 3 - good mornings 8 times)
• Secondary Workouts (2-3 exercises eg. step ups, bulgarian split squats, lunges - for each exercise you do 3-4 sets, 8-12 reps, with 3-4 minute rest between sets)
• Isolated/Accessory Movements: these exercises work one part of the muscle more than others, for example an overbias on the underbutt/hamstring like I mentioned before to help with the V shape ( eg. hip abductors, kickbacks, glute bridge, lying leg raises, etc. (1-2 exercises high repetitions, low weight 2-3 sets, 15-20 reps, 1-2 minute rest between sets)
• Static stretch/cool down (specific to the muscle group you're working eg. lower body cool down or upper body cool down, etc.)

Keep in mind that you only need to work on a muscle group 2-3 times a week. So I only do glutes Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Also keep in mind while I work the lower body I am also working my upper body (eg. while doing rdls I am lifting the weight with my upper body), which is why I don't have tailered upper body days, this is for aesthetic reasons, and because weightlifting more than 3 days per week is not feasible with my PCOS.
My full routine is:

• Monday- lower body
• Tuesday - Pilates/core
• Wednesday - Rest (I still go for walks on these days)
• Thursday - lower body
• Friday - Pilates/core
• Saturday - lower body
• Sunday - Rest (I still go for walks on these days)

I also used primarily resistance bands in the beginning because gym equipment intimidated me (not anymore :) ). I started with 25lb resistance and went up to 125lbs. I use the product BandBar which allowed me to use the resistance bands like a barbell at home. This isn’t the only option and you can definitely buy resistance bands and do it without the bar. BandBar
For the ab separation from being obese, I did this workout 3 times a week (also helpful post pregnancy): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smiGsW-mQX0
For my chest to help with getting perkier boobs (the derma rolling was what made the biggest difference, but this exercise helped as well though it took 6+ months for the changes to be significant. Women tend to take longer to grow chest muscles): https://youtu.be/hg7_R29jGIE?feature=shared
I also did workouts to help with my posture and mobility 3 times a week (any I could find online)
The last thing I will say is be mindful that you may gain weight initially when you start lifting weights. This is due to slight inflammation/water gain from foreign tension, which will last about a month or two before you adapt BUT your body will adapt, I promise. Keep in mind if it's days before your period or if you are on your period. It's not if, but when, our weight fluctuates. As long as you are in a deficit and doing everything right, the number will go down. Do not get discouraged!!!
Here is the edit to this post which includes my supplements, how I managed my inflammation, and how I improved my gut health. I also edited the information I shared prior to include a few more tips and lifestyle changes I made, and included a few more details. I also rearranged things so there is a separation between style/haiskin and health information. The post is getting really long so I may create a separate post for personal development/mindset tips.

Inflammation

In my case my inflammation was caused by my PCOS, insulin resistence and my obesity, but it can be caused by chronic stress, other autoimmune disorders like IBS, Crohn's disease, etc, smoking/alcohol, age related diseases, environmental toxins, diets high in processed foods, sugars, trans fats & high omega-6 fatty acids.
In my case the inflammation from the PCOS led to gut inflammation due to the high levels of coritsal (stress hormones) in reaction to the high testosterone and insulin resistence. I also experienced metabolic inflammation (non alcoholic fatty liver disease), skin inflammation (as I mentioned earlier the ezcema on my scalp, alopecia, and hirsutism), adipose tissue inflammation, chronic low grade inflammation (this led to edema or fuid retention -> insulin resistance and my high testosteron/androgen levels also exacerbated this).
To fix this these were the thin I added to my life:

• Dry brushing 2-3 times a week
• Body Gua sha
• Face Gua Sha or Face Yoga or Myofascial Massage
• Jump Rope
• Trampoline/Rebounder
• Vibration Plate (very useful for after a workout or while sitting down)
• Acupressure mat
• Arvigo (Mayan Abdominal massage) & Lymphatic drainage massage
• Leg elevation, I sleep with a pillow under my knees. In the evenings I keep my legs up.
• Massages
• Sweat more (exercise/sauna/steam room)
• Portable Infrared Sauna (reduce cortisol by 25%)
• Microcurrent
• Compression socks
• Castor oil pack 3-4x per week
• Eliminate inflammatory triggers (mine were gluten & dairy)
  • Switch to sourdough
  • Eliminate seed oils
  • Avoid alcohol & smoking
• Supplements
  • Vitamin D paired with Vitamin K1 & K2
  • Magnesium Biglycinate (I take this before bed)
  • Omega-3 Fatty Acids
  • Turmeric
  • Coenzyme 10 (Take with Clomid & Vitamin E)
  • N-Acetylcysteine (NAC)
• Teas that helped
  • Turmeric
  • Red Rasberru Leaf Tea
  • Fennel
  • Chamomile

Gut Health

Your microbiota needs the right bacteria in the right amount to perform its hormone regulating functions properly. When the type or number of bacteria gets disturbed by events such as stress, or poor diet, or your gut can no longer accomplish its job meaning you'll have inflammation, increased risk of chronic disease, skin conditions, mental health issues, weakened immune system, nutrient absorprion problems, and weight management challenges.
For weight loss issues, gut microbiomes influence hormones in producing and signaling leptin and ghrelin (these hormones regulate hunger and fullness signals). Inflammation and insulin resistence is also associated with gut health problems as mentioned before. Energy extraction from foods, certain gut bacteria are more efficient at extracting energy from food, particularly carbohydrates. When there is an imbalance, more calories can be absorbed from food leading to difficulties gaining or losing weight.
Things I did to improve gut health/intestinal permeability:

• Ate foods rich in digestive enzymes (mangoes, pineapple, etc.)
• Pre and probiotics (incorporate bifidobacterium and lactobacillus)
  • Favorite brand: Seed Heath Probiotics
• Pickles (without vinegar): Great source of prebiotics
• Apple Cider VinegaKimchi/Kombucha/Sauerkraut
  • Beware of certain types of vinegar contain chemicals which kill bacteria, “the good bacteria”, and leave the yeast Candida albicans alone.
  • Raw apple cider vinegar contains: Natural probiotics (friendly bacteria), which may help with your immune system and gut health.
    • Tablespoon of apple cider vinegar (diluted in a glass of water) before each meal
  • Balsamic vinegar: Acetic acid is the active compound in balsamic vinegar. This acid contains strains of probiotics that aid digestion. The probiotics found in acetic acid can help promote good gut health and digestion while supporting overall immune function.
• Raw Carrots (has the type of fiber that binds and flushes out toxins in gut, good to have as daily hormone & digestion support)
• Limit Processed foods and Sugar
• No drinking or smoking
• Stress managment (which I'll expand on just below)
• Increase fiber intake
• Regularly exercise
• Supplements
  • Ginger
  • L-Glutamine
  • Olive leaf extract (especially helpful if you have candida overgrowth)
  • Turmereric
• Teas
  • Ginger
  • Lemon Balm

Lower androgens/testosterone

• Teas
  • Nettle Tea
  • Spearmint tea
• Spearmint oil topically for hirsutism
• Supplements
  • Schisandra (adaptogen - stress management & hormone balance)
  • Saffron (Also helps reduce testosterone, lower blood pressure and prevents bad cholesterol)
  • Inositol
  • Holy Basil
  • Magnesium Biglycinate (I take this before bed)
  • Omega-3 Fatty Acids
  • Coenzyme 10 (Take with Clomid & Vitamin E)
  • Zinc (Important to Note: It works inversely with testosterone - raises testosterone if your levels are low and lowers it if your levels are high)

Nervous System Regulation/ Stress Management

Stress is one of the things that age us the most, and people with PCOS already have higher levels of cortisol so these are the things I do to manage my stress levels:

• Regulate circadian rhythm, direct sunlight upon waking up. I use a sunrise alarm clock lamp for this
• Same bedtime everynight (pre midnight)
• Invert screen colors at bedtime (red filter on screens)
• Pillow under knees
• No loud alarms
• Magnesium biglycinate supplement before bed
• Regulate circadian rhythm, view the sunset before bed. I use a sunrise alarm clock lamp for this
• Spend a few minutes breathing through left nostril only
• Epsom salt foot soak
• Journal
• Get back to using my coloring books (I even invested in alcohol based markers it's so fun). Regulates me and gets me in touch with my inner child
• Time with friends, my puppy, and my family
• Supplements
  • Holy Basil (adaptogen - stress management & hormonal balance)
  • L-Theanine
  • Magnesium biglycinate
• Teas
  • Red raspberry leaf (adaptogen - stress management, also good for menstrual cramps)
  • Reishi Mushroom
  • Lemon Balm
• Night time mocktail (have after dinner and not on an empty stomach due to the sugar levels in the tart cherry)
  • Teaspoon of tart cherry (high levels of melatonin)
  • Magnesium biglycinate powder
  • Probiotic soda (good for gut health)

Tea cycling

• On your period
  • Nettle leaf: Increase iron levels
  • Moringa: Increase iron levels
  • Red Raspberry leaf: Helps with period cramps (best to drink throughout the month, especially at the end of the luteal phase
  • Chamomile: Helps with wellness wind down routine when you're feeling extra tired
• Follicular phase
  • Focus teas: Peppermint, Spearmint
  • Adaptogens: Lion's mane, Adaptogen latte, and Chaga mushroom
  • Detox: Dandelion Root
• Ovulation phase
  • Detox: Dandelion root tea
  • Bloating: turmeric tea latte/golden latte
  • Estrogen dominance - symptoms (bad hormonal migraines, hot flashes, nausea): Schisandra berry, Lemon balm
• Luteal phase
  • PMS symptoms: Raspberry leaf, Schisandra berry, Ginger root (powder or tea)

The best teas for PCOS

• Spearmint
  • For reducing androgens & lowering hirsutism (facial hair)
• Cinnamon tea (improves insulin sensitivity)
• Chamomile tea (Adaptogen)
• Nettle Tea (reduce androgens)
• Red raspberry leaf (adaptogen/stress relief, also good for menstrual cramps)
• Schisandra (adaptogen/stress relief & hormone balance)
• Saffron (Also helps reduce testosterone, lower blood pressure and prevents bad cholesterol)
• Ginger (ginger offers anti-inflammatory, fertility and hormone-balancing benefits, aides digestion )

Seed Cycling

What is seed cycling? Seed cycling refers to the consumption of specific seeds at different times of the month in order to improve the production and levels of sex hormones, specifically estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone.
Seed cycling divides the female menstrual cycle into two parts:

1. During the first half of the menstrual cycle, or days 1 through 14, seed cycling encourages daily consumption of flax and pumpkin seeds.
2. During the second half of the menstrual cycle, or days 15 through 28, seed cycling encourages daily consumption of sunflower and sesame seeds

Results from seed cycling will not happen overnight. Normally women observe improvements after approximately three months of seed cycling adherence. It took me about 4ish months.
The Benefits of Seed Cycling: Support hormonal balance, alleviate PMS symptoms, decrease hormonal acne, alter irregularity of menstrual cycles, and fight stomach bloating and fatigue.

Backstory: I (42, AMH 1.2) am on my third and final cycle.
First cycle: month of birth control, 8 follicles at baseline, ended up with about 16, 6 eggs, 5 mature, one blast, euploid.
Second cycle: long Lupron, 1 follicle at AFC, almost canceled because it looked like only 3 follicles at trigger, ended up with 5 eggs, all mature, 2 blasts, both aneuploid. Added growth hormone.
First cycle, doc said the follicles were growing at different rates, so Lupron was meant to suppress so all would grow together, but she thinks it oversuppressed me.
THIRD CYCLE: we were deciding between an estrogen priming or luteal start, but doctor gave edge to estrogen start + clomid and growth hormone. I came in for a visit during luteal phase to confirm I’d ovulated and had a cyst on my ovary, they counted 8 follicles. I started the estrogen and then came in for my baseline a week later (May 3) and the cyst was still there and they only saw 4 follicles (all on the side without the cyst). They said it was best to postpone and to stop taking the estrogen.
RANT: This is all happening while both my regular doctor and nurse are on vacation. The nurse didn’t seem to think I’d be doing the estrogen priming for the next cycle and I asked for someone to walk me through the thinking. I also asked if anyone had revisited the idea of a luteal start now that they had seen my luteal scan vs baseline.
I reported that my period came Monday and they asked me to come in on Wednesday to look at the cyst and assess next steps. It had shrunk in half. I got a call later that day that if I wanted, I could start stimming that night, or wait.
This was frustrating! They did not indicate that I might still be starting this cycle and was really not mentally prepared. They confirmed I would do estrogen priming again.
I asked what the thinking was about the estrogen protocol vs luteal and if they had learned anything from this latest round of scans. I was told at this point, since I wasn’t going to start stimming that night to wait until Monday until the doctor returned from vacation.
QUESTIONS: is it typical to have more follicles at on a luteal scan?
Could the estrogen be what caused the cyst to remain? Will this be a problem with estrogen priming?
What would you do in my situation?
I have a good feeling about the luteal start, but I’m also desperate for this to be over.

I am a 34F and my husband is 35M. We have unexplained primary infertility.
We are both active and hit the gym 5 days a week and follow a healthy diet.
We tried to conceive naturally for a year and didn't get anywhere so we saw an RE and got all the tests done. Nothing of concern came up. My AMH is 4.3.
Only my TSH was high so I'm on synthroid 75mcg now.
Had a hysteroscopy done (Sep 2023) and they found a polyp so removed that.
Had an HSG done tubes are clear.
2 rounds of IUI with clomid- no success. One of the rounds we had 6 mature follicles and the cycle was cancelled. We took the risk and tried at home but no luck.
ER #1 with follistim, low dose HCG, ganirelix and trigger (Dec 2023) 21 retrieved, 15 mature, 11 fertilized, only 2 blasts. Day 5 4AB and a Day 6 4AB.
Transferred the Day 64AB one in Jan 2024 and it failed to implant. This was a medicated FET with estrogen and PIO.
Decided we should do another retrieval as we want more than 1 kid.
ER #2 with gonal F, menopur, cetrotide, trigger (Mar 2023). Unfortunately I am part of the 1% who ovulated just before the retrieval and lost about 10 eggs. 11 retrieved, 7 mature, 5 fertilized, 2 blasts both Day 7s but only one of them are a euploid 5AA.
Before going into another FET, we had a SIS done where they found another polyp so I had another hysteroscopy done in April to clear that up.
Transferred the Day 5 AB early March and just found out it didn't implant. This was a modified natural FET with letrozole, trigger and then the transfer 7 days later. I also took vaginal probiotics for a month prior to the transfer and a medrol dose pack the week leading up to the transfer.
So now we have this one Day 7 5AA embryo left. I am feeling less hopeful for this one because it's a day 7. And if that doesn't work, perhaps another ER down the road.
Any advice is welcome. what additional testing would you do? Or a different protocol for the third fet?
Anyone been through a similar situation and saw success with their 3rd FET?

I am 14 days from CONFIRMED ovulation and we had unprotected sex 2 days before this, I am fully aware sperm can live for 5 days. I did a test this morning but negative.
I am also about 1-2 days late from my period depending on what app I go by, both use BBT and both confirmed ovulation.
One confirmed ovulation as the 23rd of April and the other 24th. But regardless I am late and I know when I ovulated within a 24 hour period.
I'm getting EWCM, Hot flushes and Pulling feeling in my ovaries. I had brown blood last Friday which I normally get the days leading up to my period so I didn't think anything of it as just period spotting as per usual BUT NOP NO AF.
I've also pee'd a-lot today but I think I might be just going to see if AF comes.
But my Temperature is remaining HIGH.
Side Note - I am not stressed, I've been off Birth Control for over a year and I've got no health conditions.
​
I will be testing again tomorrow with a different brand but what do you guys think?
​

26F - My background: many years ago before my IC began, I told my gyno about painful sex I was having and was continually dismissed as all the standard tests for infections and such were negative. Painful sex is an ongoing issue for me that has gotten worse since my IC came on a little over a year ago, I always thought it was due to my tilted uterus but now I know that's likely irrelevant. I started hormonal birth control when I was 16 (which ultimately stopped my periods), and 9 years later when I was 25 I stopped it, after the onset of my IC. Because my IC was just beginning when I got my IUD removed, it's hard to say if I felt better or worse before/after birth control.
Currently, my IC gets worse during ovulation and right before my period, so I know there's a hormonal component. During my period, many of my IC symptoms feel a lot better, and my pelvic muscles are more relaxed. My periods are pretty 'easy', not super painful or heavy. I do remember though having absolutely unbearable cramps back when I had my IUD and needing prescription NSAIDs. I also used to get painful ovarian cysts constantly, the pain of which landed me in the ER a few times as a young adult. I have had uterine fibroids before, and my cycles are on the shorter side sometimes around 25 days but can randomly bounce higher.
I know endo is very comorbid with IC. I know that my IC/bladder pain spikes during ovulation and right before my period, both times when hormones are high. I struggle with painful sex. I struggle with vulvar pain where I have aching or burning shooting pains in my vulva and clitoris. I've struggled with intense nerve pain like PGAD, vaginal wall pain, and burning. I struggle with more generalized pelvic pain, burning, heaviness, shooting pains, heaving abdomen. I struggle with fatigue and anxiety. I struggle with GI issues (have had IBS for ages and colon ulcers at one point), bloating, pain with bowel movements. I struggle with low back pain (and because my uterus is tilted, most of my menstrual cramps are in my back). I have been to months and months of pelvic floor PT and a slew of other treatments.
But, my periods aren't heavy, or super painful. My MRIs and ultrasounds have been clear. So I feel like doctors stop listening or considering endo once they hear that.
So for those of you who were diagnosed with IC first, but suspected you had endo and then were diagnosed with endo through a lap, what was the process for getting the lap and getting your doctor on board? (...Because why does it feel ridiculously hard to get a doctor to agree to a lap? I'd literally get it tomorrow if I could, just to rule endo in/out. It feels like less of a slog than going through months of seeing if birth control helps or not, and I'm really sensitive to hormonal BC in general, hence why I opted for an IUD back in the day). TIA ...

26F - My background: many years ago before my IC began, I told my gyno about painful sex I was having and was continually dismissed as all the standard tests for infections and such were negative. Painful sex is an ongoing issue for me that has gotten worse since my IC came on a little over a year ago, I always thought it was due to my tilted uterus but now I know that's likely irrelevant. I started hormonal birth control when I was 16 (which ultimately stopped my periods), and 9 years later when I was 25 I stopped it, after the onset of my IC. Because my IC was just beginning when I got my IUD removed, it's hard to say if I felt better or worse before/after birth control.
Currently, my IC gets worse during ovulation and right before my period, so I know there's a hormonal component. During my period, many of my IC symptoms feel a lot better, and my pelvic muscles are more relaxed. My periods are pretty 'easy', not super painful or heavy. I do remember though having absolutely unbearable cramps back when I had my IUD and needing prescription NSAIDs. I also used to get painful ovarian cysts constantly, the pain of which landed me in the ER a few times as a young adult. I have had uterine fibroids before, and my cycles are on the shorter side sometimes around 25 days but can randomly bounce higher.
I know endo is very comorbid with IC. I know that my IC/bladder pain spikes during ovulation and right before my period, both times when hormones are high. I struggle with painful sex. I struggle with vulvar pain where I have aching or burning shooting pains in my vulva and clitoris. I've struggled with intense nerve pain like PGAD, vaginal wall pain, and burning. I struggle with more generalized pelvic pain, burning, heaviness, shooting pains, heaving abdomen. I struggle with fatigue and anxiety. I struggle with GI issues (have had IBS for ages and colon ulcers at one point), bloating, pain with bowel movements. I struggle with low back pain (and because my uterus is tilted, most of my menstrual cramps are in my back). I have been to months and months of pelvic floor PT and a slew of other treatments.
But, my periods aren't heavy, or super painful. My MRIs and ultrasounds have been clear. So I feel like doctors stop listening or considering endo once they hear that.
So for those of you who were diagnosed with IC first, but suspected you had endo and then were diagnosed with endo through a lap, what was the process for getting the lap and getting your doctor on board? (...Because why does it feel ridiculously hard to get a doctor to agree to a lap? I'd literally get it tomorrow if I could, just to rule endo in/out. It feels like less of a slog than going through months of seeing if birth control helps or not, and I'm really sensitive to hormonal BC in general, hence why I opted for an IUD back in the day). TIA ...

I know this long and not along the funny lines. But I need help raising awareness to make it easier for people like my brother and his wife to get help with IVF. It’s so expensive and insurance doesn’t always cover it. They recently tried to win votes in a contest for $5000 toward the $30000 IVF costs. Sadly they lost. Due to the contest not having caps on people voting more than once. Two of the winner already had a child and the other had insurance to help cover it. This is their story below. My guilty part in this is that no matter how bad a feel for them. All I want is to be an aunt. My kids grew up being the only ones in the family and it makes me so sad to not have all these children for me to spoil and love. Charlotte please help me spread the word on infertility. I just want to be an aunt so bad and I can’t believe money is what’s stopping us right now. I’m holding bitterness in my heart that I haven’t been able to be the amazing aunt I will be. But the real heartbreak is my brother and his wife.
“The struggle to be happy and grateful while you feel like the world is passing you by, waiting for your turn when you want something so badly - it’s indescribably hard. It’s isolating and lonely, even when you have a support system to lean on and lift you up. Recognizing you’re not alone doesn’t fix the heartache or take away the anxiety, mental exhaustion, mood swings, side effects like weight gain, hair loss, migraines, nausea or bruises on your belly from all the shots.
You dare to be hopeful, again and again and bargain with yourself over all the things you could be doing differently or better or more or less. Infertility is the hardest full time job you’ll ever have - you don’t get paid for it, but it’s all consuming and no matter how hard you work, you’re not promoted to the only title you actually want, “mom and dad”. All the love you have to give has nowhere to go, and you often spare others’ feelings rather than share how it affects you every day.
Infertility can tear you apart - it’s cruel and unfair. It’s a roller coaster of emotions and you never know when the next drop or turn will come. It’s draining - mentally, physically and financially. But infertility can also show you how many people are willing to fight with you and for you, you just have to let them in. We build our walls so high to protect ourselves we forget that the cracks let in sunlight and that’s where love grows and heals.
Sharing something so personal and private is tough, but so is infertility. Suffering in silence is even harder. We are in awe of the support system that has shown up for us and we are beyond grateful for the outpouring of love. Everyone who has liked, commented, posted, shared, voted for us to receive funds, prayed, hoped, asked, messaged, reached out, sent a positive thought or good vibe our way, THANK YOU.
The intent behind the generous “Fertility Diaries” giveaway from The Fertility Center is increasing awareness, especially this week. We are hopeful to be in the running to receive $5,000 toward our treatment, which would make such a difference for our family. If you have voted or continue to, we are very grateful and fortunate to have the support.
I read a quote that inspired me to step out of my comfort zone in hopes that even one person suffering in silence can see all the good that comes from letting people in. To honor National Infertility Awareness Week, for those interested or wondering if there are different approaches out there that may lead to answers, here’s our 3.5 Year Ongoing Journey (it’s a long one).
In 2018 after unexplained recurring and worsening pain several doctors I had seen dismissed, a new doctor asked me if I had ever heard about endometriosis. She explained that she had a hunch endo was the cause of the pain I was experiencing, but that the only way to diagnose definitively was with surgery. We got scheduled and the pain worsened quickly. It became so severe that I was bedridden for a month - confused as to what was happening inside my body. I had to quit my job and was struggling while Pat flew missions for the US Air Force, gone for weeks at a time.
I had surgery, anticipated to be diagnostic and fairly quick, but based on the abdominal scope the doctor found pretty severe endometriosis and several cysts that needed to be removed. My husband made the decision we discussed ahead of time to extend the surgery and remove all of the cysts and endometriosis present. What was described to me as routine and something most people recover in a couple of days from, was not what I was experiencing. I was still having trouble getting out of bed and walking around on my own after several weeks.
Post-surgery I was told the doctor saw a presence of over-active nerves and she attributed the severity of the endo she removed and the overactive nerves to my longer recovery. She gently mentioned that if we planned to have children we should consider bumping up our timeline to the next 1-2 years, but I thought of it more as a passing comment (insert regret). I was 25, newly married and not ready to think about babies yet. I wish I asked more questions then (hindsight).
To keep the endo from returning, I was put on a low dose birth control. I was pain-free for about 18mos. before I started noticing the familiar feeling creeping back in. We had relocated to Grand Rapids and I researched an OB/GYN that treated endometriosis. Their suggestion was to try a drug called Orlissa, which puts your body into a temporary medical menopause to “starve” the endo of estrogen it feeds on.
The side effects were wicked. I had hot flashes you could see coming on from a mile away - my whole body turned purple. I wasn’t sleeping and before long I had dark circles that looked more like black eyes (SO much concealer). I had just started a new job, so these symptoms at work were embarrassing and not something I felt I could talk about openly. I lasted 6mos. before throwing in the towel, but the endo pain was gone. I was no longer triggered by certain foods (gluten and chocolate) and started to feel more like myself again.
I was referred to a new doctor by a friend shortly after - this office is application only and specializes further in endometriosis. Fast forward to 2020, celebrating our 3rd anniversary and deciding to casually start trying for a family. Given my history, we were hopeful but involved our OB/GYN after 6mos. who suggested we do a second laparoscopy to check for endo and perform the HSG (tube test) while I was under anesthesia.
To my surprise waking up from surgery a second time, I got the great news that they did not find any returning endo and my tubes were open! We started Clomid and kept trying, hopeful this would do the trick. We doubled the dose and did some baseline testing, but ultimately reached the end of the road for treatment with our OB/GYN after 6mos. (a year in).
We were referred to The Fertility Center and began a new protocol with Femara, which my body didn’t respond to. My husband was tested and everything came back fine on his end. We were introduced to a laundry list of supplements and FSH injections - and as a person who was terrified of needles (broke out in a sweat just mentioning the word) I was less than thrilled and needed friends and (eventually) my husband to do the injections.
FSH injections require closer monitoring, so we became very familiar with the ultrasound machine and (you guessed it) more needles! Monthly blood draws. With several medicated cycles, my body adjusted sporadically. There were a few months we missed ovulation all together and had to wait, which meant a lot of sunken cost with nothing to show for it.
I started acupuncture after reading about the benefits online and finding a local clinic that offered fertility-focused packages including IUI and IVF support. Talk about exposure therapy for needles! I felt the calming and de-stressing effects immediately and still go every 1-2 weeks, 2 years later. I’ve taken the advice of my acupuncturist over the years with supplements and have learned more about balance.
We tried IUI twice, our second procedure our levels looked really great and we were so hopeful. After 6-7 months, I needed a break. Mentally I was not in a good place so we took a month or two and decided to start IVF in the new year. After talking with a friend, something their family member did to conceive really stuck with me.
This friend told me of someone in their family who needed their partner’s sample to be immersed in their bodily fluids before transferring in order for her body to recognize and not repel for being foreign. Then a lightbulb went off - my entire life my body has repelled anything foreign; tubes in my ears multiple times, all piercings, even an IUD.
We pushed for more answers before pursuing IVF and were referred to a doctor that some in the RE world would consider “experimental”. Dr. Derbala from Derbala Institute for Reproductive Immunology (RI) is one of less than 5 in the country practicing this approach. After extensive testing (25 viles of blood, an hour long internal ultrasound, hysteroscopy and uterine biopsy while awake and unmedicated - triggering trauma) a few genetic mutations believed to contribute to inflammation and implantation failure as well as over clotting of the blood were found.
We also discovered my blood contains much higher than normal levels of NK cells and anti phospholipid antibodies - in short terms, my immune system is an overachiever and is overactive. We have worked for over a year now with varying aggressive medication protocols, including immune suppression.
With monthly blood draws to monitor my immune levels, we were tweaking the medications to address the ebbs and flows of different markers. Traveling for work during this time forced me to conquer my biggest fear - administering my own shots. We were hoping by treating the underlying issues we would conceive on our own and not need more intervention.
Due to worsening side effects (increasingly frequent and debilitating migraines, nausea, dizziness, fatigue, prednisone withdrawal, weight gain, hair loss, extreme bruising) we decided that IVF is necessary to control the medication timeline and condense side effects.
We had consultations with 4 fertility clinics in the surrounding areas and learned a lot of abbreviations along the way (IVF lingo). Our insurance does not cover any fertility treatments or medications. After 3.5 years and over $13k out of our savings with nothing to show for it, we are investing in IVF out of pocket. The financial uncertainty with IVF is daunting, all for the chance to conceive with no guarantee.
It’s difficult to choose the right fit - financially, geographically and to feel well taken care of and understood by your providers. We are hopeful that we have found a great team of doctors to help us conceive with The Fertility Center and Derbala Reproductive Immunology.
We realize the next few months through the IVF process will be challenging, but we will have an uphill battle ahead of us if we find success with IVF. According to predictions based on all of the immune testing, we will likely be classified as a high-risk pregnancy with weekly monitoring throughout. It’s been a blessing to have transparency with next steps, but like so many facing infertility, the outcome you want so badly is also ironically the scariest outcome you can imagine.
There are deep scars from this process that no one sees - mine are still healing slowly and sometimes old wounds can re-open. Every pregnancy announcement on social media, someone innocently asking if you want kids or when you’re having kids, birthdays and holidays that feel empty, the parts of your body that feel traumatized and the disassociation with discretion you experience to name a few.
We are grieving the people we would have been if we had not gone through this struggle. We are grieving the memories we could have made with our grandparents and parents having great/grand babies. We are accepting that our dream of our kids being in the same class as our friends’ kids isn’t going to be a reality. Those are tough things to let go of.
We are leaning on our system of support and taking this one day, one step at a time. I feel lucky beyond words to have my husband Pat Schmidt, who picks up the slack when I’m tired or sick or sad (which is more often than not lately). He’s affected in all of this too, but he’s holding it all together for us and I’m toughing it out for him. He will be the world’s best dad and I can’t wait for that day. The supporting role doesn’t ever get enough of the credit.
If you’re still reading, thank you. Being part of this conversation is helping remove the stigma associated with infertility little by little. I’m hoping that by being vulnerable enough to share our very private struggle, someone else will feel empowered to seek answers, speak about their experience and let their support system help carry some of the weight infertility burdens 1 in 6 with.
With National Infertility Awareness Week highlighting such a vulnerable part of our lives, we are thinking of all those struggling - you are brave for continuing to hope and fight for the family you deserve. Continuing the conversation is an important piece in validating all of the resilient couples out there who’s every day involves infertility. We are stronger when we uplift each other.”

I’ve done 3 rounds of letrozole and ovulated on about day 18-19 2/3 cycles but neither led to pregnancy. I am about to start a round of clomid (50mg) this weekend in an attempt to shake things up and try something different. Curious on others experience if you have taken both and what the outcome results were? Did you notice anything different with one versus the other? More side effects?

My husband and I (both 30) tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant for 8 months, and then tried a few months of letrozole, with no success. I ovulate on my own around CD 13/14 and have a regular 28 day cycle. No PCOS, blood test came back good, tubes are clear, etc. So far unexplained.
At the 16 month mark we did our first egg retrieval and now have 7 embryos. We didn't test them per our doctors recommendations. We did our first FET last month (fully medicated) and it failed. My HCG level was zero, so implantation failure. Throughout our trying, I have never had a chemical or any sign of implantation. Leading up to the transfer I had to extend the time to take estrogen because my lining wasn't getting thick enough. After an increased dose of estrogen a bunch of woo things, it got to 7.8 and was trilaminar so we went ahead with the transfer. Transfer went smoothly, it was a 5AA embryo.
For our next FET, they want to do the kitchen sink protocol and add in prednisone, claritin, pepcid. He is also saying we have the choice of some add ons: Neupogen uterine washes and intralipids.
I've heard good things about intralipids and I'm interested but I have a soy allergy and they have soy oil. I've read that people with a soy allergy aren't usually allergic to it because it's missing the protein.
As for the Neupogen, I've never heard of it but he said it can help improve my lining. I read that the side effects can be pretty bad but there are some studies showing it can help.
Does anyone have experience with either of these? What would you do in my situation?
Additional info: I have concerns that I have something autoimmune related going on. I have oral allergy syndrome (overactive immune system), several anaphylactic allergies, EDS, IBS and eczema. In the past, I've gotten rashes and swelling from semen touching my skin. I've never been tested for NK cells but I'm curious if that's a possibility. Also, I haven't been checked for scar tissue. I was sexually assaulted as a teen, had an abortion, and also had an IUD for years.
And then there's another part of me that things hey.. we didn't test so maybe all of this extra stuff is unnecessary and we should just try another without the add ons.
Sorry this is long but I'd appreciate any input!

So this is a lot and I’m still uncovering some truths. Let me start by saying I believe I’m innocent in all this and am being used. My intentions have only even been, have family and take care of family. I’ve got a girl pregnant and believe it’s mine for many reasons I may skip over so keep in mind two things. One, I have no idea really wtf just learned and am still learning. And two, that’s my baby. Ok so let’s go 😎…..😢😤?
So I dated this girl for a little in idk 2019 and I moved away and we stopped talking. Sex was great but she was kinda a mean girl type and I had more stuff going on in my life both moved on. In the summer of 2022 I reached out kinda thought of her often since. Well she replied and we started something. Quickly she explained how she’s been single sense and even thought of me often also. Next thing ya know we are planning to have a kid and start a life. It’s quick but I’m dumb and she has a 7 y/o from past relationship who’s father has passed and I thought was just looking for someone who can take care of them and is serious about it. I typically never saw me being like ya that’s me but as things just happened I decided that yup I could be a father to her daughter and start a life and family with this women. Well when it became time to move in, she started being a fucking nightmare. Anything and everything I did she would yell scream and go way too mad at. Like she stubbed her toe and next thing you know I’m homeless. lol wtf girl? That was around nov 2022 and we had both already discovered she was pregnant August. We kinda knew when it happened and we planned it aka tried hard . A lot. Real hard 😎. Gross now when I think but you’ll see why. So fast forward to the entire pregnancy being a fucking nightmare for me. She does weird shit never lets me back in constantly says I’m abusive and all this other shit that is untrue. I start thinking I’m crazy but stay with it cause that’s my baby and I felt she has tons of trauma and that’s my girl a mean hot bitch with a past and ima love that shit away. And for a second I think she actually loved me back. Anyway it’s 8 months pregnant now and she gets a no contact order on me. wtf? She had finally let me move back in. Was weird shit going on still? Ya but anything I questioned was responded with intense rage and accusations of me abusing her and being a narcissist. Okay well here’s the fun part. Turns out all my questions and thoughts were all true. She was lying the entire time and sleeping around with tons of people and making content with it. A lot here on our beautiful Reddit lol. But it gets even juicier. I start seeing post about some philipjoe mutha fucka ( said with love I have pinoy family ) and he’s talking about how his wife ( wtf bitch I thought u was single for so long??) had cheated on him and how sad he was 😢. And he’s thinking it’s his cause she said so about the pregnancy but he’s not too sure also ( it’s not buddy trust me hella of my dna saturated inside her for many times like it was planned we tracked her ovulation and everything….lying slut I know lol but a good lay ) Anyway I’m still learning shit about this like how there back at doing swinger shit which is cool but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know my side of the story and she’s lying and telling him anything to keep him from not beating the shit outta her or leaving her. I’m not even sure which one he’d rather do as I have no idea who the fuck he is still. Anyway here’s the big question am I wrong for wanting to keep the baby and have me and the child just ghost these two psychopaths?? Like I don’t want them in my life I’m not terribly fugly and work, have morals am an army vet and never hurt nobody on purpose. I want my baby and to runaway from these people. She’s even been doing pregnancy kink shit which damn she is pretty sexy for pregnant I loved sex with her while she was and still around which was not even a damn week ago. Am I wrong for thinking that’s bad for the baby to be swinging life while pregnant tho? One partner is one thing but multiple can cause issues. I’ve only ever cared about the wellbeing of the baby ever since she started being a mean bitch to me. Well that’s a lie I still feel love for her and think she’s just damaged but if you knew how many times I just asked if she was and even kindly she would fucking bring down the house with her anger and ask how I could even ask such things. She would even start crying and say I didn’t actually love her and she’s not the type of girl to do that. Lol well damn honey bun you was a good actor because I still remember getting home to have sex with her and instantly looking at my dick thinking ….woah is that another man’s cum on my member? Guys it totally was lol. Sick. Anyway I’m kinda busy right now but wanted to see what your guys thoughts were and if there’s any info I can include to make this better or what can I do so I can get custody of the baby and keep these two away from me. I can find an actually single mother who is honest and wants to start a family like I do I just want my baby with me while we go find people to share life with. she’s 30f I’m 29m idk what the guy is other then probably as fucking clueless as I am lol Pnw area maybe u can find us u certainly can find them in nsfw threads that’s how I discovered most of this stuff . Anyway I need to get my wee checked up it’s itching now lol excited to see what yall think. Can’t turn a hoe into a house wife and am I wrong for trying

So this is a lot and I’m still uncovering some truths. Let me start by saying I believe I’m innocent in all this and am being used. My intentions have only even been, have family and take care of family. I’ve got a girl pregnant and believe it’s mine for many reasons I may skip over so keep in mind two things. One, I have no idea really wtf just learned and am still learning. And two, that’s my baby. Ok so let’s go 😎…..😢😤?
So I dated this girl for a little in idk 2019 and I moved away and we stopped talking. Sex was great but she was kinda a mean girl type and I had more stuff going on in my life both moved on. In the summer of 2022 I reached out kinda thought of her often since. Well she replied and we started something. Quickly she explained how she’s been single sense and even thought of me often also. Next thing ya know we are planning to have a kid and start a life. It’s quick but I’m dumb and she has a 7 y/o from past relationship who’s father has passed and I thought was just looking for someone who can take care of them and is serious about it. I typically never saw me being like ya that’s me but as things just happened I decided that yup I could be a father to her daughter and start a life and family with this women. Well when it became time to move in, she started being a fucking nightmare. Anything and everything I did she would yell scream and go way too mad at. Like she stubbed her toe and next thing you know I’m homeless. lol wtf girl? That was around nov 2022 and we had both already discovered she was pregnant August. We kinda knew when it happened and we planned it aka tried hard . A lot. Real hard 😎. Gross now when I think but you’ll see why. So fast forward to the entire pregnancy being a fucking nightmare for me. She does weird shit never lets me back in constantly says I’m abusive and all this other shit that is untrue. I start thinking I’m crazy but stay with it cause that’s my baby and I felt she has tons of trauma and that’s my girl a mean hot bitch with a past and ima love that shit away. And for a second I think she actually loved me back. Anyway it’s 8 months pregnant now and she gets a no contact order on me. wtf? She had finally let me move back in. Was weird shit going on still? Ya but anything I questioned was responded with intense rage and accusations of me abusing her and being a narcissist. Okay well here’s the fun part. Turns out all my questions and thoughts were all true. She was lying the entire time and sleeping around with tons of people and making content with it. A lot here on our beautiful Reddit lol. But it gets even juicier. I start seeing post about some philipjoe mutha fucka ( said with love I have pinoy family ) and he’s talking about how his wife ( wtf bitch I thought u was single for so long??) had cheated on him and how sad he was 😢. And he’s thinking it’s his cause she said so about the pregnancy but he’s not too sure also ( it’s not buddy trust me hella of my dna saturated inside her for many times like it was planned we tracked her ovulation and everything….lying slut I know lol but a good lay ) Anyway I’m still learning shit about this like how there back at doing swinger shit which is cool but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know my side of the story and she’s lying and telling him anything to keep him from not beating the shit outta her or leaving her. I’m not even sure which one he’d rather do as I have no idea who the fuck he is still. Anyway here’s the big question am I wrong for wanting to keep the baby and have me and the child just ghost these two psychopaths?? Like I don’t want them in my life I’m not terribly fugly and work, have morals am an army vet and never hurt nobody on purpose. I want my baby and to runaway from these people. She’s even been doing pregnancy kink shit which damn she is pretty sexy for pregnant I loved sex with her while she was and still around which was not even a damn week ago. Am I wrong for thinking that’s bad for the baby to be swinging life while pregnant tho? One partner is one thing but multiple can cause issues. I’ve only ever cared about the wellbeing of the baby ever since she started being a mean bitch to me. Well that’s a lie I still feel love for her and think she’s just damaged but if you knew how many times I just asked if she was and even kindly she would fucking bring down the house with her anger and ask how I could even ask such things. She would even start crying and say I didn’t actually love her and she’s not the type of girl to do that. Lol well damn honey bun you was a good actor because I still remember getting home to have sex with her and instantly looking at my dick thinking ….woah is that another man’s cum on my member? Guys it totally was lol. Sick. Anyway I’m kinda busy right now but wanted to see what your guys thoughts were and if there’s any info I can include to make this better or what can I do so I can get custody of the baby and keep these two away from me. I can find an actually single mother who is honest and wants to start a family like I do I just want my baby with me while we go find people to share life with. she’s 30f I’m 29m idk what the guy is other then probably as fucking clueless as I am lol Pnw area maybe u can find us u certainly can find them in nsfw threads that’s how I discovered most of this stuff . Anyway I need to get my wee checked up it’s itching now lol excited to see what yall think. Can’t turn a hoe into a house wife and am I wrong for trying

Hi, I’ve been wanting to post this for a while now. I just needed to process everything first. It’s a very long story..but I really hope this helps another woman in need ..or one who was/is so worried and lost..questionable like I was. You are valid..and You’re not alone.❤️
My story goes back to October of last year, 2023..around Halloween or before. My parents were out of town, they’re still somewhat strict even at my age of 24 at the time. And I saw the opportunity to invite my boyfriend over for the week to spend time together. I don’t have the most healthy household, my dad can be pretty unstable and toxic, and my mom can be very judgemental sometimes . Just not something I wanna be in much longer as I’m looking to move out soon. Anyways, they left and somehow around that week time frame , I fell pregnant (unknowingly of course) we were not being safe that week when we should have. But I love him and sometimes those feelings can take over.
My period ended in late September to early October. .(After many months or weeks of calculating how I must have been fertile that week.) My boyfriend did not ejaculate in me but he must have had some precum with sperm in it swim its way to me. Thats why we were so mindblown as to how this happened. I’ve been pretty good tracking my periods but my ovulation is weird. Also my periods are very irregular. So sometimes I’m not even sure when it’ll come. A couple days before my period would come, I noticed brown to pink blood which usually happens before my period comes..it only lasted 2/3 days …which I know now was spotting. But my period didn’t come…which this never happens…I started to notice something fishy I brushed it off and figured it was late because it’s irregular. It was now around 6 days late and I started to get panicky . I told my boyfriend about it and he became worried wondering why I didn’t tell him. I figured because of how irregular it was I thought there was nothing to worry about. I was also very active in the gym at this time so i figured that was another reason why. I didn’t want to imagine the possibility of even being pregnant. Call it denial I guess. I even tested when my period was a few days late and it came out negative. I guess the hormones weren’t strong enough yet.
Well now , about 3 weeks or so have passed. (I still can’t figure out when I concieved exactly) I was really freaking out. I noticed how tired I have been feeling ..practically falling asleep at work. Feeling so lightheaded …a simple trip down the stairs made me feel like I was gonna faint. I never felt that way either. I couldn’t finish my run at the gym…yeah something was up . One Saturday morning I couldn’t take it anymore and I FaceTimed my boyfriend after I got a pregnancy test. I let the stick set and told my boyfriend to look at it .
I heard the words “baby…what does that mean?” Somehow my world shut off. Like a ringing in your ears. I know what that meant, and so did he. He was frozen , a frozen, solid expression on his face on my FaceTime screen… I snapped out of it and yanked the stick to my eyes. And there it was…..positive ..clear as day positive in seconds. Pregnant as fuck. I actually hyperventilated. I don’t remember reacting much that moment other than pure Panick. I felt like a teenage girl in that moment my head was spinning. My boyfriend still on FaceTime trying to call me down , calling off work and sped to my house. I cried on the floor while he comforted me and we tested again since we had extra tests….all tests came out positive in seconds. I didn’t even know how far long I was. I had no idea I was even pregnant other than the tiredness which I was thinking might have been pms. I felt so stupid. I guessed it was early still. I snapped out of it and remembered I had actually saved the nearest abortion clinics to me. Which since I haven’t mentioned …I’m from Texas where it’s illegal past 6 weeks. I felt with it being overturned here..I might have needed to save them and get a step ahead. I still I felt hopeless. I knew what my decision was going to be I was sure. My boyfriend supported me and I’m glad to have him. We pulled ourselves together and called a clinic in New Mexico and booked a hotel near there. Which is an 11 hour drive by the way…. Across the whole state…if you’re from Texas you’ll know how big it really is.
We planned our trip the whole day. I called my boss and said I had medical emergency for four days, and so did he with his job. I came up with a lie and told my parents I was going to another city in Texas …”a romantic getaway if you will…”. The clinic actually gave me an appointment for the following week. The clinic receptionist said I was around 9 or 10 weeks which I was in shock …how?? They stop MA abortions at 11 weeks. My time was running out. I booked it, I felt that was my best bet. I walked downstairs after everything eventually with him , to which my mother was in the kitchen making food. She was smiling happy to see him as she greeted him. I couldn’t help but feel some sorrow knowing what I knew. I kept thinking about how she would be a grandma , and when I saw my brother or dad, that they would be an uncle or grandpa. My grandparents who I treasured all four them and thought them being great grandparents , my dog for petes sakes, how this could be the only time they’d meet my child. I don’t know why I felt like I was running out of time almost..I was going to be 25 soon and alot of my friends were engaged or having children getting married…why was I panicking? Im an adult my mom had me at 19 for fucks sake. My situation was different than hers though. She was married and owned a home by then. I really just wanted to be stable. Seeing some of my friends not stable with children and complain about it especially the stress and fatigue, made my decision more clearer. I just was stuck in a trance how that would be my reality if I were to keep it. That evening my boyfriend stayed with me the whole night and we just vented about life. His red and swollen eyes from all the crying shimmered in the moonlight. We stayed outside and watched the stars and just talked about for the week or so that would come what could happen, despite everything that was happening I loved him even more in those moments seeing him want to provide, and take care of me like that made me fall even more deeply in love with him.
Looking back at it I’m actually surprised I planned that much in the little timeframe that I had. New Mexico time is an hour behind. The clinic was going to close . But I did it somehow. The clinic lady gave me the line of a financial assistance.. since I requested to her that would we need help after she asked that question to us .. I didn’t even know clinics could do that .. it was a group that provided that kind of assistance, I felt so happy to know there was people out there willing to help us. I reached out to this number and website and a lady got in contact with me. The sweetest lady that I’ll never forget to this day. I looked at the website and they were religious, which blew my mind. I grew up on a religious family, and I still have my own beliefs, but I didn’t think I would ever see this kind of help from a religious organization.
Anyhow..What’s crazy to me is that week and a half or so of waiting my morning sickness hit me like a ton of bricks. It was horrible … I lost so much weight about 10 pounds maybe or more. I couldn’t hold anything down. My boobs are starting to hurt extremely bad to at this point and I couldn’t wear bras only very soft sports bras. I could smell fajitas a mile away..All I could eat was salads. I hated pizza , I hated pickles AND I LOVE PICKLES. it was tragic.. I craved fried chicken and I hate chicken…I craved Cobb or Cesar salads of anything. Specifically Olive Garden and Texas Roadhouse. it was so insane. Any disgusting smell made me gag. I was puking three times a day. And I was upset I couldn’t sleep on my stomach. I was crying at work for no reason and grumpy dramatic all the time. My bf was so sweet to me this whole process though, bringing ginger gummies to me , ginger ale , food and Gatorade to help me . I felt so lucky. The only good thing out of it was my skin was so LUMINOUS, my hair was so silky and shiny…I felt so glowing. I guess that pregnancy glow is real. It was so crazy to me how this little thing inside of me was doing all of this.
In the week or so before everything I actually talked to what I felt like was a she. A girl. I talked to her in the shower and in bed, I sang to her. I still love her and always will. I wanted her to know me for the time we had left. I just knew I couldn’t give her the life she deserved . Atleast not now. Nobody actually wants to do this by the way…some of us just can’t. The time came for the road trip , and the 11 hour drive. We drove across the state , seeing the mountains and hills..the mountains getting bigger and bigger, the plateaus…stopped at some gas stations and got gas station food..(of course saw bucees) then we stopped in El Paso for some tacos and I remember a friend said the sunsets there are so beautiful. He was right.
We finally arrived in New Mexico, the roads looked different..”welcome to New Mexico land of enchantment.”it was dark at this time , shiny city lights from the hilly roads…we looked at each other peacefully with love…Iike we did it Forreal.. I can’t believe we actually pulled it off. At that point I was so tired, and nauseous from the drive..and all the gas stations stops. I couldn’t wait for the hotel. As soon as we got there I felt a peace of calm take over and I knocked out after my shower..(which was too hot and I felt like passing out from ..shortness of breath was also a pregnancy symptom of mine) . My boyfriend made my bed and got me food . That night he talked to what would’ve been he or she. And told our baby how much he still loves them. And so did I. It’s something that gets imbedded in your mind forever.
We had the appointment that following morning on December 8th. A day I’ll never forget. He woke me up and helped me get dressed. My body hurt, my boobs were so sore, he couldn’t touch them at all and I couldn’t sleep on them. My nipples brown still and sore , and I was throwing up yet again in this hotel toilet. I wanted it to stop. I wasn’t ready just yet. I was afraid of protesters as I had seen some on YouTube at this clinic location before . Yet none were there. I felt relieved. It was a very lowkey setting. You needed to press a buzzer button to enter. And no one else allowed but yourself. I didn’t want to go in alone but I did. the lady with financial assistance gave us $400 which covered the cost of the medication. I felt so grateful for her for that.
I look around the clinic, it was very serene and bright then dim in the back..and almost like romcom looking… like a clinic you’d see in a women’s show…like sex and the city I guess..how ironic . I filled out some paperwork and gave it back to her, no phones allowed so I set it in the basket. I actually saw a lot of the names of women who checked in and checked out on the check in list paper. Many just like me. A clinic assistant took my ultrasound , to confirm there was a pregnancy, which indeed there was. I was 7 weeks along, not 10. I asked her if she did see something since she was quiet for a bit to which she replied with “oh yeah” about an inch long . She never asked me if I wanted to see the ultrasound pictures which I kind of did. Maybe she didn’t ask because she thought I would panic and change my mind. thinking about it now I would’ve been nice to keep a picture but also I don’t know how id feel about it so I’m kind of glad in a way I didn’t and then I’m not so glad. either way my decision was clear to me still. I was too afraid to ask. I saw her print it out and set it in a folder.. and that’s the only picture I’ll have in my mind of what would’ve been..forever to come.
I was placed in a room with another girl. She was Indian, and slender looking, around 25-30 years. She looked very modest and reserved. White pants and a pink button shirt and ponytail . I felt like talking to her so I asked her “did you travel here ?” And she said no, she lived in the area. “How lucky” I thought. “To have the privilege of being so close in proximity to do this” I traveled 775 miles. To and from. I became obsessed prior reading/seeing other peoples clinic experiences, I noticed mine was similar but different..I guess no one really has the exact same experience I think. I asked her “are you nervous?” She blushed and said “kind of yeah..” to which I agreed as well. She seemed like she knew what she was In For I suppose. I just smiled at her, “hopefully I gave her some comfort” I thought. The clinic nurse or assistant walked in, same one. she looked even younger than me maybe 21 or 20. Had a pixie hairstyle and black scrubs . Tomboy looking. She Went over the steps and what we should expect..it sounded pretty painful. Idk why I wasn’t as scared anymore, I guess a relief overcame me. Or maybe I became numb. We signed another paperwork form to which after that point we waited for the doctor. We were told to bring books or a journal or some thing while we waited. I thought it would take pretty long, but it didn’t. We signed some more paperwork and The whole thing went by so fast I didn’t even get time to open my book pages.
The doctor was a man, he seemed very indie alternative , no more than 36 maybe. He asked if we wanted to take the pills separately or together after him re stating the steps and what to expect. The girl looked at me, I felt like she was nervous to do this infront of a stranger so I said “separately. “When I got to the other room with the doctor he asked me where I was from since he saw my form…I guess to make small talk. “ Houston Texas..” I said shyly. “Wow ok..well I guess I don’t expect you to come back for a follow up in person..we will give a phone call follow up for that, I know you’ve made quite a journey.” We both laughed a bit. he told me he had done some work down there. Everything was flat and open spaced..he spoke of the beautiful mountains here and I spoke of how it’s just something I needed to do. To which he agreed that’s for me to choose. He made me take the first set of pills in front of him. he gave me instructions for the other four pills that would go between my cheeks. The next day those would be the ones too let everything pass out of me. I should have booked an extra day for that at the hotel .. I remember thinking about it and telling myself “there’s no way I could go through this on the drive back home.. It could be very painful and uncomfortable I think…” since I had done alot of research…but I had work and couldn’t call off so many days. I had no choice and now for I didn’t expect the pain that would follow. I should really start taking my own thoughts and advice.
I called my boyfriend who is driving around the town trying to pass time informing him. My appointment was over with. He seemed astonished that it went by pretty fast. It was maybe an hour or so long. The financial assistance lady actually met me outside the clinic to give me a farewell gift. she was in a big van and brought me a cute little basket, filled with heating pads, crackers, heavy duty pads, and a wonderful little note that told me .. welcome to New Mexico that I was strong, and I wasn’t alone and that she’s always there for us if we ever need more help or if we know anyone who needs more help with her contact information. And with that note, I cried and hugged her I couldn’t believe such kindness from strangers existed. I bid her goodbye and I just felt so lucky that someone like her helped us. On the way out the parkling lot , I saw the Indian girl waiting outside to be picked up, and she was watching us get picked up. A man picked her up, about our age too, and I wondered if someone was making her do this or it was her choice. It was Erie, but I guess I’ll never know.
We drove back to the hotel after we got some Chinese takeout and processed everything, we watched a movie, and I was so exhausted. After I took a hot shower(which I almost passed out in still feeling the pregnancy nausea and breath shortness) I knocked out in bed, the nearly comfy bed my boyfriend made for me. I could feel my boyfriend‘s arms on my head and my shoulders. He was giving me a body rub and in that moment that’s what I needed the most his comfort and his love. It was one of the best sleep I ever had actually. The next day around 8 or 9am , I woke up to brown blood stained underwear. I guess the pills went into effect I had thought. I didn’t feel as nauseous. But I just felt more tired. The morning air was crisp and cool and the mountains were shining with the sunrise , as we walked down to the hotel breakfast room to get some breakfast. He served me up a cup of cereal and apple some bagels and apple juice while I sat and waited. I wave of calmness and nervous was at the same time took me over . The breakfast room was so calm for some reason as I watched other people eat before me. I realized everyone was out here loving their own lives. And we will never really know who’s going through what. I ate and enjoyed the quiet morning before driving back home . I just couldn’t believe how blissful and calm everything was.. maybe it was the calm before the storm you could say.
We packed up everything from our hotel. I didn’t have to carry a single thing nor did I even have to clean anything..i was so pooped out. My boyfriend is literally such a gift I could think. He’s had to put up with my horrible mood swings and attitude these past couple weeks, and my dragging energy. I know I got a pass being literally pregnant but still, you can’t help feel guilt somehow. As we got into the car all I could think about was our time spent here, it’s not the romantic getaway you’d think of, but it was something that brought us closer. To the grocery store exploring and little shops around town, the nice quirky people, and the scenic views..I actually liked the place. It wasn’t home, but it was a breather away from home life for a bit, even if it was a lot to bear. Maybe I’d come back for closure one day. We took off and looked behind us knowing what story will stay there. And we also thought about the long drive back. I would have to take the second set of pills anytime now. I was ready to get it over with, but nervous I couldn’t lie. I was actually so angry that for my choice, I had to come all the way out here without the convenience of my own city. I wondered how many other Texas girls or women from other states had to do the same. Women, and People will find a way to take control of their own lives somehow even if it means greater measures. I saw we passed by ciudad Juarez, supposedly one of the most dangerous cities to date, a city in Mexico that I’ve seen notorious for crime. We drove through another set of mountains, Texas plains are flat, so we don’t get to see this. I thought about how my life was like that..an endless mountain going up and down and such..I still couldn’t believe how far I was from home. I just wanted to go home.
Time to take the second oils..whew. The four that between your cheeks..two in each side . I was so scared I was doing this incorrectly because not even thirty minutes later or just about ..after holding them in for what felt like forever…..my body overcame with a terrible feeling…a feeling like a I had shit and extreme period cramps like I never felt before. All of a sudden I could literally feel my cervix opening gradually…I really thought I was having intense diarrhea for some reason. I got up from my car seat (my boyfriend was driving us back home) and I had yelled “PULL OVER HURRY I HAVE TO GO” I was uncomfortably moving in my car at this point in literally nowhere in fort Stockton tx. It was getting worse and worse and I couldn’t bear it any longer…it felt like my body was quivering at this point….my boyfriend was speedinggg down this empty road..to which we were in the middle of literally no where trying to find the next gas station.
My car was going about 100 at this point . I could see the panic on his face…while trying to keep his composure at the same time. I just didn’t want to scream to scare him. As soon as we got to one I ran a beeline for the bathroom…pulled my pants down and out poured immense blood. Could I be hemorrhaging? All of sudden, lemon and golf ball size clots came out of me..about 3 or 4. I was clenching my waist as the pain was EXCRUCIATING. No one told me it would be that bad. Every Reddit or response that I saw about the medicated abortion feelings, was that of a”it’s not that bad just feels like a bad period” well I say NO to that! I maybe passed out in that bathroom, when I woke up I was green and pale ..clammy and I couldn’t not stop shaking…hell…even the walls looked distorted. I truly felt like I was going to die. I have broken my collarbone before, snapped it actually almost in half when I was very young, and this pain surpassed it by miles. I’m actually not sure if my body went into shock from how unbearable the pain was ..but it felt like that. I groaned the more time passed and had to zip it when someone else came in the restroom. The pain and cramps came in about 30 second intervals after a while. I remember spending a good hour or so sitting there maybe 45 min crying and praying the whole time for me to survive this somehow.
I honestly thought someone was going to have to pick up my dead body from that stall. But I needed to be strong. I was wasting time to go home. I started texting my boyfriend and he was about to come in, I realized I couldn’t sit here forever or pass out and him find me like this. So I pulled it together and got up. Cleaned the blood off the toilet, and A girl was waiting for the restroom as soon as I got up and she looked very young. I thought to myself “ she’ll never even know what I went through in there , or why.” When I got back to the car to a very anxious boyfriend all I could do was groan and think “what if you know it was passed in there.” The guilt and pain was too much at that point I basically had to force myself to get it together. Thankfully financial assistance lady came clutch with the heating pads. I really needed those.
Maybe an or two has passed at this point , of me groaning in pain, and screeching about the pain..my poor boyfriend I knew at this point was very worried. But he made me comfortable, just giving me his touch and soft voice. If we needed to pull over then he didn’t mind. The heating pads financial assistance lady gave me were starting off. I started to wish I was more prepared getting a Battery powered heating pad. I had a 7/8 hour drive ahead of me without any cramps relievers and it started to get bad again at this point . We had to pull over again, and this time it was in junction tx. I made another beeline for the restroom and felt a clot literally fall out of me. Like I laid an egg or something. Here I was in my gray sweats beelining to the restroom wobbling running. I pulled my sweats off in the restroom and out falls the huge dark red clot the size of a baseball probably or a little smaller like a large lemon…falls on the floor. I missed the toilet . I stared at it almost astounded that my body is producing that. I hope it wasn’t…you know. I know some women who have dug into them to find ..you know. (It’s hard for me to even say the words sometimes) . I couldn’t bring myself to do that and how would I even? I cleaned everything up and wobbled out. I was hungry and nauseated and needed food. The doctor gave me ibuprofen, a very strong amount to help subside the pain and some nausea pills . (Which didn’t work) . Good old fashioned nuggets from McDonald’s somehow did the trick.
We drive a bit more, and by this time it was dark and we stopped in San Antonio. I was groaning the whole time moaning in pain. It got more bearable as the hours passed. We stopped at another gas station, and decided to get our mom’s a souvenir. It was something I just felt like we could do. I thought about them being grandmothers, and how they’ll never know. But hopefully one day they’ll get to be. And I know they’d be amazing grandmothers. We left and My boyfriend would just hold my hand while he drove and listened to a pod cast . Never in my life had I had a man be this kind and loving to me. What did I do to deserve him? I didn’t pay for much if anything nothing at all this whole trip..the patience , kindness, maturity, emotional intelligence he had was beyond my comprehension. And he’s still like that today. Every guy I dated before would’ve probably left or made this feel like it’s completely my fault and problem . I would’ve been alone. In comes thought number 234455556, how saddened I felt for the women who have had to do this alone.My heart went out to them in that moment, And still does. I would come to learn that one of my bestfriends went through this alone practically. My heart broke. Because no woman should ever have to…support is so important. Being there matters. Healing matters. We still support eachother about this to this day. And I love her 10000%.
We finally arrived in our town area to which I stopped at yet another gas station. Which was the eriest one of all.it was dark and green lighting almost. Like a GTA gas station..Or the back rooms feeling. I did my buisness and realized the bleeding was slowing down. Cramps were less painful now, I could move around more freely now and feel okay.
So we drove back home another 35 min maybe and made it to my house…there it was my home. I missed my dog the entire trip. I raised her and cared of her and I wondered if I was a good mother to her when we pulled in. Crazy how I thought about that after everything. But that’s the life that was mine and mine alone. We walked inside and my mom asked how it went. I know she believed us , I had to even fabricate photos from the web to send to her. I felt terrible for lying, but I didn’t trust my mom would understand. I once saw a video from a college girl from Dallas right after the abortion ban came in effect. She flew to Mississippi with her mother to do that , before that clinic shut down. And I thought “how lucky for her to have a family member support her like that especially her own mother .” I didn’t trust my family would be the same. How unfair I thought too, that some people will preach the word , try to make this about religion and “what’s right” yet not follow their own words or practices. How insane.
My brother and cousins greeted us well, we brought back souvenirs and talked about it.my cousins and brother knew about this atleast where we went , Though they never knew why. Little do some people even know you know?
My boyfriend actually gifted me a ps5 console that night we got back. I was thrilled….that I could have something to pass the time…I loved video games. And that night I bought hogwarts legacy. It would end up being my peace for a while. I cuddled my boyfriend the rest of the night until he had to go home. How odd after everything he had to drive back home and we would have to move on and continue everything back to normal. How to do you even do something like that after everything? How would we cope and grow from this. My whole life from here on out would sound the like song “idea 22” . As the many days and weeks passed I actually continued to bleed for 10 weeks straight. Nonstop, some days lighter than others. I actually tested myself January 12th since my abortion doctor recommended I needed to be sure it was successful.
They would call to follow up after. It came out positive… my heart SANK! I didn’t try to panic too much since I had done some research prior, to which it said that may be the pregnancy hormones left over still, that had not left my body. I thought this was over, and it wasn’t it seemed like it would never be over! I couldn’t go back and drive all that way. My stress would sky rocket from there. That weekend I called an ultra sound clinic to confirm if there was a pregnancy or not. My and my boyfriend went on a Sunday in downtown to go. I was so nervous for an outcome,….that I would see something on the huge screen. I walked in and pulled my pants a little down. The tech looked and looked, and couldn’t not find anything. The whole time I could hear my boyfriend breathing hard. And I could feel his eyes on me. The tech looked at me with sorrowful eyes. But she did not know my circumstance. We paid and then left and I waited for him to come out the restroom. I remember that hallway of the clinic looking so eerie to me, I could not understand why I felt so calm and sorrowful at the same time..was this grief? I saw a very pregnant woman pass by. That would be me if my reality was different I thought. It was so quiet there, I had to soak in what was for a moment . There was nothing there anymore , and I needed to start accepting it. My boyfriend came out , and he looked at me . I bursted into tears and cried yelled on his neck and shoulder and he held me.i cried all that I could.
I never expected myself to do that. I guess the past month was all held in. And in turn when we got to the car he did the same. Your life shifts seeing a very good, and grown man cry. ..to be vulnerable in that way. I had to be there for him as well. He always wanted a girl one day, so I knew he was grieving if that was his chance.
I did not bleed until my first period actually came in February , right before Valentine’s Day. I remember my OB even saying I could “enjoy” Valentine’s Day. I was so eager for the bleeding to stop. I had many OB visits, I was concerned I would need a D&C but that never happened. I actually told my OB I had a miscarriage out of fear I’d be prosecuted or something in my state. How you may be wondering? At around 4-5 weeks the persistent bleeding worried me so I made an appointment playing dumb telling them I found out I was pregnant recently and then believe I had a miscarriage. Seeking healthcare after something like this I feel is very important. I went to work and events like this. But when it came a relief of my shoulders was gone…I even had the most wonderful valentines dinner with my boyfriend at a five star restaurant . We hadn’t felt that relieved in months, we hadn’t had that much since I could remember..we really needed that. We could finally make love again after months ..safely of course. What a joy it was actually.
My second period was in time to be due. This whole time we had never been unsafe. And it was late…I knew and read that this could happen sometimes..but still I started to PANICK. The guilt I felt for stressing my boyfriend out was insane. His patience and kindness was certainly tested..but one could only wish for something like that in a person. I always considered myself lucky. At 8 days late I tested . I hated looking at pregnancy tests..but I had to ease my mind. My boyfriend looked at the result for me and I cried. It was negative. The last time I saw a negative result was soooo long ago. I could sleep a little better. Then it came at 12 days late. I was done freaking out. I was done doing this to myself. I couldn’t live like this. I was done stressing myself out and my partner. I realized I could control certain situations and then I could not. Whatever I could control… I would I decided. But worrying constantly will kill me. Will kill us.
So ends this story. I still think about it often, I still check in weekly with my boyfriend most times,I still wish I could tell certain people but I am not ready yet , I still think of what could have been, do I regret it? No not really ..do I feel sad sometimes..yes. I still feel I made the right choice. I still feel like it was a movie for me. I have learned to admire myself and the other women before me with the courage to do what they felt is their choice. It’s a process ..to all of you reading. It truly is. But you are all strong beautiful women, and you are not alone.
I plan on getting a tattoo of a ladybug soon. Ever since all of it, ladybugs have landed on me and my partner in the weirdest places, most random of places. We take it as a sign we are still loved and watched over. My heart is filled with love now. And my mind and body with healing. And as I grow old and grey, I will never forget. It will always be a part of me. 🐞

We have been married for 5 years with a kid. Both working adults. Kid goes to daycare.
Last-week, after dinner and the kid was already asleep, she said there was something she needed to tell me. I put the dishes away and we sat in the living room.
This co-worker has been with them for half a year and had been complimenting her a lot about her looks and flirting as well. My wife usually just brushes it off and says thank you - and she didn't really think much of it as the co-worker is the same with other colleagues.
She told me 3 weeks ago her co-worker kissed her. They were alone in a meeting room finishing up projects. and he was the usual touchy and flirty, he pulled her face up to him and kissed her. At first she didnt kiss back and pushed him away- but he relented and again kissed her and she kissed him back but only for a while.
After they stopped, she said that wont happen again as it was a mistake. The co-worker said sorry was only in the heat of the moment.
A few days after that, my wife suddenly had very strong sexual urges and was very much attracted to the co-worker. He was wearing tight fitting clothes. This was also her ovulation day. She was very much in the mood.
They had another project session and again they were left alone. This time the co-worker stood behind her and started kissing her neck. My wife said she was turned on by this. She turned around and she started kissing him torridly.
They made out for a while and the co-worker said that he couldn't take it anymore and pulled down his pants. My wife sucked the tip for a few seconds but she then stopped. She said she cannot and should not do this - it will ruin everything if she goes further. She told the co-worker that they must stop this once and for all.
Co-worker said lets just do it once and let me cum inside you then thats it. Wife said No - she was also ovulating and things will be messed up if they dont stop. Wife then said no more to any of this or she will report it.
I sort of believed her side of the story. She was very apologetic as well when she told me.
She straight up cheated. Should i stay and make things right? I have lost a lot of trust in her. She has mostly been acting the same like nothing happened. She hasn't been more sweet or caring or apologetic.

(TW: pregnancy mentions) Hey so I'm an extremely stressed and anxious teenage girl and I'm currently going through a pregnancy scare right now and the ppl other subreddits are incredibly rude considering I have awful anxiety. Had unprotected sex March 2nd, he pulled out and I took a plan b. Got my period but then started having symptoms like bad acid reflux, back pain, and cramps. Had protected sex March 26th and ever since a few days after i had that sex I had some weird discharge. You'll see it if you scroll on my page. Ever since then I had lower back pain (i have scoliosis), cramps, indigestion, heartburn, constipation etc. Then I got my period but it was abnormally lighter than usual and only lasted 4 days but still had clots on the first two days. Idk if everything is just stress or what but from my last period my symptoms have been cramping, abdominal cramping both sides, right side back pain, lower back pain, heart burn/acid reflux, constipation, more discharge, and slight bloating. By constipation I mean I can poop once every 2-3 days but not alot yk. I took a dollar tree test 9dpo before period it was negative, 2 more dollar tree tests a bit after so maybe like 19 dpo negative, and 2 more again 26 dpo negative. Am I doing them wrong or just too stressed? I've lost a pound too somehow but anyways, my anxiety is just awful and Ik I have negative tests and everything but it's just these symptoms that've been happening consistently everyday and I've seen ppl who still got their period throughout pregnancy. Not to mention, I just ovulated about 2 days ago (according to prediction) and about 4 days ago I noticed that my nipples are sensitive. Like when I squeeze them they hurt and this has never happened to me, so now I'm super stressed bc I know breast soreness is common. I haven't had any physical changes though.
I can't confide in anyone bc my parents would kick me out if I even thought I was pregnant and the guy I had sex with simply just doesn't care what so ever. I cannot have a baby right now and I know I made the wrong choice of having sex and I regret it a ton. Like I feel like I'm in denial I'm not pregnant bc of these symptoms. Btw I'm not on birth control. Please give me some advice or reassurance or something. Seriously, what's up with all the negative tests but consistent symptoms and stress? Help!!! I have been constantly anxious every day for over a month and a half!!

Hi everyone, kinda new here. As I’m sure it is for a lot of you, this has been a lonely journey, but knowing there’s a community out there provides a bit of support. Reading your stories has been both heartbreaking but helpful at times. I have been feeling extra lonely lately and thought I should participate and share myself; more looking for support than anything because I know you are the only ones who truly understand what I’m going through. Apologies as this is kinda long and I’m on mobile. TIA for listening.\ So my husband and I have been together for 11 years, married for almost 5, and actively TTC for 2. Honestly, we hadn’t been ‘careful’ for years before that though, and that was one of the reasons I felt there was something going on. I have also had irregular periods for the past 10 years and very much struggled losing weight, and I went through 4 OBGYNs that kept shrugging off my concerns that something was wrong. They would just want to put me on birth control and send me on my way with no explanation.\ Last year, I got a new OBGYN and she finally brought up the possibility of PCOS, which I had heard before but previous doctors hadn’t given it serious consideration. I also shared our conception struggles with her so she referred us to an RE, who we have been seeing since January. She’s the one who finally diagnosed me with PCOS, which sucked after finding out since I hadn’t been living the most appropriate lifestyle to help manage it for years. They hooked me up with a nutritionist and I feel like I have some control for the first time in forever. Because now I’m actually seeing some weight loss progress and noticing differences elsewhere. So it’s an annoying thing to have to worry about since it’s connected to so many other things, but at least I know what I’m dealing with now. My doctor did say since I’m not ovulating, PCOS can be a challenge but that ‘it’s a bull and we’re gonna grab it by the horns.’ I have def heard PCOS pregnancy success stories, so I know it’s not the worst thing to be diagnosed with, but still felt pretty sad knowing for sure it was not going to be easy and that there was a reason behind it all this time.
We went further in diagnostics. My husband did his 2 sperm samples (always seems much easier for them haha) and for both, most numbers came back great except for morphology. But it wasn’t far off from the 5% they like, it was about 3 the first time and 4 the second, so our nurse told us this is probably not gonna be an issue. I thought great, because the less number of challenges the better. My transvaginal ultrasound confirmed I had PCOS, but it also showed I had a lot of eggs so that was good. My bloodwork showed insulin resistance and very close to hypothyroidism so I’m on medications for those now. I also needed to do an HSG, as my doctor said we want to make sure to know exactly what we’re dealing with before deciding on treatment./ I was supposed to do that in late February after they induced my period, but my period was soo heavy and painful that time and the day they scheduled me for it, my period was supposed to be over (would’ve been day 8) but it still wasn’t so I had to cancel and they unfortunately couldn’t fit me in within the timeframe they needed to in my cycle. I was going on a trip the couple weeks after so they said we could wait until hopefully getting my period naturally and then do the HSG when I was back. Unfortunately, that never happened. So, the HSG had to be put off until last Friday when they were able to induce my period again in the beginning of April. It was very frustrating as I just wanted to know what’s what by now and our initial follow-up in mid-March is now almost May. But we just gotta go with it.
I was nervous about the HSG but thankfully, it wasn’t so bad for me, mostly uncomfortable. At the time, the doctor showed me the tubes and said the dye is coming out from both so that’s great. Then I got sent on my way, happy because it seemed like finally, we just have to deal with this PCOS/ovulation thing so maybe this can happen sooner rather than later. Sigh lol.
But I got a call a couple hours later saying they actually found a filling defect in one tube. She described it as a ‘ghost’ shape lol but yeah, so they need to figure of what it is and I need to go in for a saline sonogram (anyone have experience with these?) next Monday a few hours before our schedule follow-up. I made the mistake of Googling what it could be and it’s kinda scary. If anyone has had a filling defect, I’d love to hear your experience and what it ended up being.
Anyways, I know people have been through much worse but this whole experience has just been so depressing and lonely. My husband is so supportive and loving, and I appreciate it so much, but at the end of the day, his sperm is fine. I’m the problem here. I know I shouldn’t say it like that but it’s how I feel. My friends try to support too but they just aren’t in my shoes and it’s hard for them to find the ‘right’ words, if those exist. I mean, sometimes it’s as simple as they’re ‘too’ positive. We have been TTC for years so ‘it’ll be fine’ doesn’t really speak to me at the moment lol. My husband is very optimistic too. I like to say I’m realistic but yes, probably more pessimistic. But sometimes I don’t really need anymore comfort than validation of my feelings. Like sometimes, things aren’t okay or we don’t know they’re gonna be for sure; sometimes, things just suck.
There’s also the financial side of things. I feel like everything has been breaking around the house lately and other expenses just piling up. Ofc infertility is expensive so that’s racking up too since we have a high deductible. Not to mention, our insurance only covers 10k worth of infertility treatments. From what I’ve researched, that’s not a lot. That feels daunting to know since no treatment has guaranteed success anyway.
Then there’s the guilt and envy feelings I hate because every pregnancy announcement brings me closer to the edge lol. And it feels like everybody is so keen to share their ‘wow it was so easy for us’ story these days. I know they don’t do it on purpose and of course I’m happy for them, but my first thought is always, why not me? So many other feelings but ugh, this is a tough journey.
I was always a big proponent of ‘everything happens for a reason’ but women who desperately want children not being able to have them easily, well I can’t find a reason for that 😭 It feels so so unfair to us that a lot of women get to get pregnant naturally and free, and get to have a pure happy experience. And for us, we go through so much stress, sadness, many other emotions, medical bills, etc. and what should be just a happy experience and great moment in our lives starts with all this instead.
TLDR: infertility sucks 😭
Thanks for reading to anyone who did. I just needed to get this off my chest to people who truly get it. My goal was to hopefully find some support and feel a little better. Sending everyone in this community so much love and blessings 💗

We have been trying for 18 mos , , no issues on my end but I am 36 , husband had high number But 0% morphology a few months ago ( the only male factor ) . We wanted to try iui, today was the day, he started taking coq10 a few weeks ago. He’s gone to urologist : he said nothing was wrong .
his numbers today Volume :4.0 ml Concentration: 137 M/ml Motility: 61.3 % Progressive motility : 2.5 Total motile : 335.92 M
After the wash : Volume:0.50 ml Concentration: 128 M/ml Motility:73.4 % Progressive motility:3.0 Total motile : 46.98
We did clomid for 5 days and ended up with 6 follicles ( I ovulate normally ) , doctor did the iui , didn’t seemed concerned , there is history of multiples with my family on both sides and I was slightly nervous but since the doctor didn’t seem concerned … They didn’t include morphology in the new SA from today so I’m just wondering how everything is looking for us and I’m still a little nervous about the doctor doing the iui . This is our first iui , should we do more iui after this one ? We are thinking of doing two more since insurance pays for them , What are our chances , what do you think of the numbers?

Hi everyone,
I’m going to be 42 years old this year. Bit of back history. I never had a period on my own till I was 21-22 years old without the help of birth control. I was put on birth control when I was 16 to bring on my period. I was early diagnosed 18-19 with PCOS. I’ve had two pregnancy one at 23 with my son and another one at 35 with my twin girls. My son pregnancy was normal. My girls were born at 30 weeks and it was a very difficult pregnancy. During c-section for girls I asked for my tubes to be tied. I feel like after the twins pregnancy my body never been the same. Starting 2018 I started with this intense pain in my bowels, left side abdomen. I’ve had 2 colonoscopy everything is fine both times. I’ve always dealt with leg cramps since I was young. My hormones play a huge role in my mental health. Adenomyosis was found on ultrasound in April 2023. Since then my life has gone downhill. I’m literally a shell of who I use to be. I’ve had level 2 ultrasound 2 weeks ago and everything came back normal. I go for a biopsy in 6 weeks then I told specialist I like a hysterectomy. During the level 2 ultrasound then they were pushing on my utuers I felt the pain I’m in daily in my lower back, hips and legs (intense) once they stopped pushing on my utuers it went back to my normal pain level I’m in daily. I have gained 50 pounds since January of this year. From not being able to be active. I have to do a little bit of dishes and go back under heating blanket till I can go back and push as much as I can to finally get dishes done. Bending over hurts so bad. Moving my lower back, hips are so stiff. To go out and do anything is so painful in my lower back to the front of my abdomen into my hips and down my legs. My right calf aches to the point I want to cry. No pain medication helps. Tried gabapentine and gained 25 pounds just in that one month of taking it. They did find out in the level 2 ultrasound I have a mobile right ovary and explains a lot because causes a lot of pain when I’m ovulating. I’m 2 weeks late which is causing more issues because I get the cramping, irritability like my period is coming but nothing is happening. Also every ultrasound I’ve had even MRI or CT they always talk about fluid free flowing. I have no idea what this means. Sex is painful and it never use to be. I need to get better and out of this daily pain I’m in it’s mentally, emotionally, physically effecting and I am exhausted. I’m just looking to see that I am not alone in this. My everyday life has been affected so much that I can’t do much of anything. I really try to push through it as much as I can to get the bare minimum done. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I just feel so alone and like it’s never going to get better.

I’m feeling allllll of the feelings right now. I’ve been experiencing debilitating periods since my teens. They were made slightly better by birth control pills in my 20s, but the other side effects of the pills were brutal on my body. After having my two babies in my late 20s, I tried an IUD and bled for about 10 months before getting it removed. Since then (I’m now 35), I’ve just dealt with horrific period pain each month.
About a year ago, I was diagnosed with Adenomyosis, mainly based off of symptoms and not able to be confirmed by any imaging. My periods are pretty regular, but for 2-4 days of them each month, I can barely move my body and cry from the pelvic, back, and upper thigh pain. I take Tranexamic Acid and while it helps with the amount of bleeding, the pain is awful still.
I returned to my gyno this past week after having severe (more than normal) pain now during ovulation for the past few months as well. After talking, because of also having pain and bleeding during/after certain “activities,” my doctor recommended a full hysterectomy (keeping the ovaries and removing the cervix). We’ve moved forward to schedule it for the beginning of May, but I just don’t know how to feel.
Part of me always envisioned a family with three kids (we currently have two). BUT my husband doesn’t want any more and he and I are both so tired. He takes a medicine for a medical condition and it’s not really well studied how a fetus develops when conceived on that medication for men. I had terrible pregnancies with my two kids and that first newborn year is not something I would want to go through again. We don’t have a ton of financial wiggle room at the moment and adding a third kid would be a huge strain on our life and bank accounts. All of that said, I do think we’re done having kids and I just need to come to terms with that. But even if I get to that place, I’m worried about the hysterectomy…
I’m worried about something going wrong. I’m worried about it not being medically necessary (especially since imaging couldn’t confirm the adeno). I’m worried about complications further down the line (with perimenopause and other related conditions). I’m worried about the recovery process.
But I’m also so tired of being in pain. I know this is more of a rant/vent than anything else, but any and all insight you all have would be so appreciated. I just don’t know what to do and don’t want to make the wrong decision. My husband thinks I should get a second opinion but I feel like I have all of the information and the choice is just in my hands now. I don’t want to wait and have the adeno (and even potential endo) worsen and affect my body even more than it currently does…but I also don’t want to do something that could cause harm or that I might regret.