Something cute to send your long distance boyfriend

My hands are trembling to the point where I've had to restart this several times. I'm a guy who doesn't scare easily, but this encounter has me shaking like a hit dog. I'm still sitting in my work truck, trying to work up the courage to step outside again. Worse, I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to tell my boss what happened. I was already on thin ice with him, and this shit might cause me to break through to the freezing water below.
But fuck it, because this was weird.
I install cable for a living. I didn't have dreams of stringing cable when I was a little kid, but my previous life choices left me with few options. In high school, I fell in with the wrong crowd. It started with skipping school, sneaking alcohol at weekend parties, and some petty theft, but it didn't stay that way for long. Soon, I dropped out and dedicated my life to committing robberies to pay for my pill addiction. I wasn't living as much as I was running on a treadmill. I did whatever I could to stay on my feet but constantly felt myself slipping.
My bottom came when I was jumped by two guys who sold me pills. I had bought from them before and trusted them, but the feeling was not mutual. Someone had dimed a buddy of theirs out to the police, and he was looking at real jail time. They assumed it was me and beat me senseless.
I was greeted at the door with a punch to the jaw that sent me reeling. My brain, already addled and slowed by Oxi, was in the middle of putting together what was happening when the next punch caught me in the temple. I collapsed to the ground and covered my neck and face as best as I could. The next few minutes were a flurry of punches, kicks, and stomps. When it was all over, I had a broken jaw, a shattered wrist, several wounds that required fifty total stitches, and a concussion.
That's how I kicked my painkiller addiction.
I can joke now, but the next six months were the hardest in my life. The withdrawals I had were the worst thing I've ever experienced. Having them while I was recuperating from my injuries was a circle of hell I didn't think existed. I wanted to die most days and felt lost in the darkness. But sobriety was the beacon on the horizon. Even during my darkest moments, I could still see the fuzzy spark of white light off in the distance. It kept me going. Six months from my beat-down day, I came out the other side healthier but weaker.
I needed a job but had limited skills. Thankfully, I had a former pill buddy who managed to keep steady employment with the cable company. We always got along, and he called in a few favors and hooked me up. I got hired, but it was a struggle. Not the work, which was easy to learn, but dealing with the public without telling them to fuck off. Worse, was trying to avoid the flood of illegal substances that are around you at all times. Customers will offer you weed or pills for all the channels, or bored co-workers will have something to "make the day pass by." It's a lot to dodge, especially if you're in recovery. Whenever I felt the itch again, I'd feel the scar tissue from my wrist surgery, and the itch would pass.
The last week has been one of those "Shit, is it Friday yet?" weeks that seem to be growing in frequency these days. I don't want to bore you with the details, but needless to say, most nights, I needed to reach out to my sponsor and have them talk me off the ledge. We recently had a turnover at the executive level, and my new boss Rory was a tremendous cock. A rager at levels science hasn't ever seen before. Just the worst dude imaginable.
Part of Rory's new crusade was coming in and firing a bunch of guys. The company called it "checking for redundancies in the labor force," but we all knew what it was. He was picking off two classes of people: high earners and guys with spotty pasts. I was in the latter group and imagined it was just a matter of time before my number got pulled. I was on pins and needles all week. I made sure I was the greatest cable installer you'd ever meet. So far, I was getting high marks but the forced joviality was wearing thin.
It's safe to say my joy had left on a one-way ticket. I have no clue when—or if—she'd return.
Back to this shit. I had just finished up my last job of the day when my work phone started buzzing. I cursed and thought about not answering, but the threat of unemployment loomed too large for me to do that. I picked up and knew from the jump my day was far from over. Denise from dispatch asked if I could cover a job left hanging because of "scheduling conflicts" (see: the original installer had been let go). It was near where I was and was a simple install.
I gritted my teeth and agreed. I liked Denise and knew she was worried about the hammer falling on her, too. She thanked me profusely, and promised to bring me cookies tomorrow. Since she's a hellcat in the kitchen and getting close to a dispatcher never hurts, I said no worries. I hung up, balled up my jacket, and screamed into it. I felt better after that.
981 Maple Street was about five minutes away, but it felt like a world away. Maple Street was at the end of the neighborhood where large swaths of grass fields faded into a thicket of woods. The woods rose up into the foothills until they graduated to mountains. To borrow a phrase from Shel Silverstein, the house resided where the sidewalk ends.
The house, an off-white birdhouse ranch type, was a little run-down but no worse than any of the others that populated this neighborhood. This place had been hit hard by economic times, and property values had plummeted. It was slowly recovering. In five years, this would be a place most current residents wouldn’t be able to afford. The front yard had a large oak tree that looked amazing but had killed the grass under its canopy. The rest of the yard looked well cared for.
I knocked and heard a few voices talking on the other side of the door. It opened, and a man in his late 40s stood there with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand. He was tall and thin, save for a middle-aged paunch. His face was starting to crinkle at the edges, but he was southern California middle-aged, which meant he was holding up pretty well. He did look tired, though—the bags under his eyes were full-on steamer trunks.
"You with the cable company?" he asked, knowing I was.
I nodded. "You requested an install, right?"
"Yes, I did. Please, come in."
He opened the door wide, and I walked in. The house was pretty bare with a bachelor pad aesthetic. That didn't make much sense since I heard a female voice talking to him. I assumed it was his wife. I believe in a lot of wild shit, but to think that a wife would be fine with their house decorated like a 23-year-old bachelor lived there was a bridge too far.
"I'm Tom," the guy said, extending his hand. I shook it. "What did you need from my end?"
"Do you know if there was a previous hookup here?"
"Ugh, yeah. There is one in this room and another in the back bedroom."
"Okay. I should put the modem in a spot that'll hit the whole house. The signal can get wonky if it's in a room behind a wall or bricks or anything."
"This room is probably the best spot then," he said.
"Perfect. I have to get under the house, check the old connections, and replace some parts. Where's your hatch to get under the house?"
"Oh, it's around back. You can exit out this side door and walk through the backyard. It's on the eastern side. You might need a screwdriver to remove the grate. Do you need one?"
I pulled a screwdriver from my pocket and showed him. "I should be good. Thank you, though."
"I should've guessed you'd have one."
"I appreciate your concern. Is there anything in the backyard I should be worried about? Dogs? Kids? Wild dogs? Wild kids?"
It was standard banter, and it always got a chuckle out of people. Same thing happened here. "Nothing to worry about," he said. "You should be good."
"Alright. I'll get started so you can get online as soon as possible."
"Great! If you need anything, I'll be doing some work in the back bedroom."
I nodded and headed for the side door. The dining room door led to the pie wedge-shaped backyard, which was larger in the back than the front made it look. The grass was as cooked as its kin in the front, but islands of green weeds seemed to be thriving. In the corner of the lot, an old metal shed stood, rusted to the point where I assumed divine intervention kept it standing. It seemed to have been there since the house had been built – or maybe several decades before.
When I turned the corner of the house, I spotted a woman and child staring into the corner of the yard, their backs facing me. The Woman wore a faded blue dress that fit her well. Tom had, it seemed, out-kicked his coverage with her. I didn't want to startle them, so I offered a friendly "hello" to the pair. The kid started to turn, but the mother placed a hand on their shoulder and kept their heads facing away from me. I squinted along the treeline, trying to see what they were concentrating on, but I didn't see anything unusual.
Just wanting to be done with the job, I let them be and moved on. I turned another corner to the house's short side and spotted the grate leading to the crawlspace. The grate looked as old as the shed, and I wasn't sure I would even need the screwdriver to open it. Hell, I was sure the thing would disintegrate in my hands as soon as I touched it.
I crouched and was about to pull it off when I heard something rustling near me. I glanced back to where I had seen the mom and kid, but they were gone. I assumed I had heard them leaving. I pulled the grate off – I was right, no screwdriver necessary – and as I set it aside, something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye.
It was the kid. A boy around eight or so. But they weren't staring at me exactly. They were looking away from me, staring up at the roof line. I found it odd. Clearly, the kid wanted to talk to me but had turned their back on me. I coughed to let them know that I knew they were there, but they didn't respond.
"Hey man, what's up there?" I said.
"Nothing nice," he said, still keeping their gaze away from me.
"Oh," I said, "Not going to hurt me, is it?"
"Maybe," he said.
Not the answer I was expecting. "What is it?"
"They told me you'd know soon enough."
As he said that, I felt something crawling across my hand. I pulled my hand away from the house and shook it. I saw a spider land in a pile of leaves and scurry away. I let out a nervous laugh. I'm not scared of spiders or anything, but the shock of being told some unseen thing was watching me and didn't look pleased, coupled with the sensation of something on my skin, was enough to justify a quickened heartbeat.
I looked back at where the kid had been standing, but he was gone. I chalked it up to kids being little weirdos and went back to work. The faster I could get this installation done, the quicker I could go home and smoke a bowl. I let Kush be my guide. I put up my hood, turned on my small flashlight, and shimmied through the opening under the house.
I know guys who've worked for the company for years and still dread going into a crawl space. Granted, it's not my favorite thing to do, but I don't mind either. The bugs can be a nuisance but if you don't bother them, they tend to not bother you. Same with rats and mice. Raccoons, though? I crawl out and call animal control. Those little dudes are cute but nasty as all get out. My path today was nothing but cobwebs, so I was okay.
I flashed my light around and saw where the cable line went up into the living room floor. My job here was to ensure the coaxial line's integrity was still good. If it had been chewed on or anything, I'd replace it. Sometimes, I just replaced it anyway—saving myself a potential job later down the line.
I crawled over to where the line came in from the pedestal and started my once-over. I not only looked for any damage but also ran the line through my hands to make sure my eyes didn't miss anything. I was under the dining room area when I heard that side door close.
I stopped. Tom said something, but it was muffled. I wanted to be nosy, so I waited a beat to hear if anyone spoke back to him. Someone did. It was soft and quiet – I assumed it was the Boy – and I didn't make out what they asked, but I did hear Tom's response. In a firm voice, he said, "No, not right now. Run along."
There were footsteps over me that faded into another section of the home. Tom said, "He always wants to jump the gun. How many times do I have to tell him?"
I suppressed a laugh at the last line. It's the official father's lament. I kept moving my hand down the line and didn't feel nicks along the cable. In fact, on closer inspection, the line looked almost new. I was planning to change it, but this looked like it had been installed last week.
I could hear someone walk into the living room as I reached the spot where the line went through the house. Another pair of footsteps followed the first, and I heard a breathy but detached woman's voice ask, "Can we show our faces now?"
"I just told the boy 'no.' What makes you any different?" Tom said, an edge to his voice.
A chill raced through my body. I knew those words, but this conversation made me feel like I spoke another language. Can we show our faces? Why would you not?
"Do you think he'll see us?"
"If I have my way," he said, not finishing that thought. "Leave me be. I must try to get some things done before he leaves, and you two keep bothering me."
What did Tom mean to get some things done before I left? What did he have in mind? While trying to process all this, I heard something shuffle in the darkness just beyond my flashlight beam. I moved it around, trying to see the telltale glowing eyes of varmints, but nothing flashed back at me.
I heard something shuffling again, this time down by my feet. I cocked my head as best as I could and shone the flashlight into that corner of the house but, again, there wasn't anything else down here but me and a thousand spiders. I sighed and finished my inspection of the wire.
As I turned to crawl back out from under the house, I heard somebody sneaking around on the floor above me. The wood groaned as the person moved slowly. I wasn't sure what they were doing, but they wanted to keep it a secret. A shadow fell over the pinprick of light from where the cable went into the house. Someone was standing over it.
"Can you hear them down there? Moving in the dark?" It was the Boy. “They like the dark.”
"What are you saying?"
"The little shadows," he said, "They live down there. Do you hear them?"
This kid was creepy as hell. "I, ugh, I can't hear you, dude," I said, inching my body away from the wire, "We can talk inside."
"They're going to get you, but that's okay," he said, "It only hurts for a little bit, and then you're fine."
Fuck. That. I had no desire to respond to that nightmare of a statement. I hastened my inch-worming, heading back towards the open hatch. As I did, I heard more movement in the darkness around me. I tried to ignore it, but it was a fool's gambit. It was impossible to ignore.
I was getting closer to the opening when I saw a pair of tiny legs walk in front of the hatch. It was the Boy. How did he get there so quickly and without me hearing him run on the floor? I didn't have time to run through the scientific method because the Boy leaned down and placed the metal grate back over the hatch.
"Hey! Hey!" I yelled. "I'm still under here!"
The Boy didn't stop. Instead, he placed a trashcan in front of the grate, enshrouding the entire crawlspace in darkness and trapping me inside.
"Hey! I need you to move that!" I screamed. No response. I raised my fist as high as possible and punched the floor above me to hopefully get Tom’s attention. That was a mistake, as I managed to punch straight into an old nail. I felt it puncture in between my knuckles. The pain was instant, and I let out a howl.
I shook my hand and swore a blue streak. I reached up with my other hand, felt the tip of the nail I had managed to punch, and found a flat spot next to it. I banged hard on the floor and yelled again for some help. Nobody responded. Not at first.
Then I heard someone chuckle under the house.
I couldn't locate where it had come from because it sounded like it was all around me. I swung my light around as best as I could but didn't see anything. No glowing eyes, nothing. I inched forward a bit, and someone laughed again – this time, it was to my right. I turned my light in that direction and saw a sudden flood of light fill the space under the house.
"What the hell?" I said, my desire to leave overtaken by a desire to know what was unfolding next to me.
A pair of kid legs dropped down from the hole in the floor. I realized then that the hole must be an interior crawlspace. The kid had blocked off the metal grate and opened this hatch for some reason. While he dropped his legs down, he didn't move any further.
"Hey, you have to open that metal grate," I yelled. "I don't want to be trapped down here."
"They told me they needed you," he said, followed by a slight chuckle.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" I said, not caring that I was talking to a child. "Open the goddamn grate!"
"The shadows are approaching," he said, pulling himself back into the house. He placed the lid back on the hole, and I was trapped in the dark again. I cursed to myself and started pounding on the floor again.
"Hey! Someone come help me!"
That's when I felt something run across my legs. I nearly jumped out of my skin. It didn't feel like the tiny claws of a passing rat. It was cold to the touch, but as it hit my skin, I felt a burn in my bones. It's hard to explain, but I felt both extremes simultaneously. Whatever it was skittered off into the darkness of the other side of the crawl space.
The kid started laughing again, which brought me back to reality. I army crawled as fast as I could to the grate. I balled up my fist and punched in the middle of the metal. The blow knocked the old nails out of the wall, and the grate broke up. I was about to push away the garbage can when it suddenly wheeled out of the way.
I saw Tom's legs standing there.
"You okay?" he asked, concern in his voice.
I got out from under the house so fast that I left a me-sized dirt cloud in my place. Once out, I shook my body loose as if I had things crawling all over me. Tom watched but didn't say anything at first. We finally locked eyes, and he could see the rage, fear, and confusion on my face. He wisely waited until I spoke first.
"What the hell is wrong with your kid? He blocked me under there and taunted me from the indoor crawlspace."
"What are you talking about?"
"He told me the shadow people or something were watching, and then he blocked me under the house!"
Tom's face twisted up into confusion. "I...I don't understand."
"I can't make it any simpler, Tom!" I screamed, letting unprofessionalism take root.
"I don't have a kid."
It hit me like an Ali right cross. My vision got dizzy, and I struggled to catch my breath. I stared at his face, looking for the sign of a lie or a joke, but he was as stone-faced as an Easter Island statue. After a beat, I found my sense again. "I heard you talking to him in the living room when I was under the house."
"One, I was on a phone call. Two, are you spying on me? What the hell, man?"
"I wasn't spying, and you weren't on the phone," I said. I also heard you talking to your wife. She asked you if she could show her face or something."
"I don't have a wife either."
I shook my head. "I fucking saw them in the backyard! They were staring at the fence!"
Tom paused and cocked his head to the side. When he spoke, it was softly, trying to calm me down. "Are you...did you have a few drinks before the appointment? Or a pill or something? No judging – I know pill heads. I won't report you or anything, but I understand if you need to come back tomorrow with a clearer head."
"I'm sober," I said, gritting my teeth. "But I know what I saw. What I heard."
"As the tree said to the lumberjack, I'm stumped," Tom said. "You look a little flush. You want a bottle of water or something? I can show you I'm here all alone."
My adrenaline had seeped out of my body, and I was starting to feel like myself again. I nodded at Tom, and he smiled. "I'll go grab you one. Do you want to come into the AC?"
"No, I'm okay. I need to double-check the connection to the pedestal."
"Sure. Be bright back," Tom said as he walked off.
But I had no intention of checking the connections. I was going to check on Tom. I didn't believe him at all. Something weird was going on, and I needed to know what. As soon as he turned the corner around the house, I broke out my flashlight and headed back to the crawlspace.
I dropped to the ground and shone my beam into the darkness. Something had crawled on me, and I wanted to see what it was. I moved my light into every section of the crawlspace but saw no eyes glowing back at me.
"If you're under there, call back."
There was nothing. I was starting to feel like a paranoid idiot. I called out once again just to be sure, but again, nothing called back. I shut off my light and sighed. I started pushing myself back to my feet when I heard a faint woman's voice call out, "Can we show our faces now?"
"Not yet," someone hissed from the trees above me. I snapped my head up, expecting to see someone hanging on a branch over my head, but I just saw green leaves.
"Can we show our faces now?" It was the Boy. It sounded like he was on the roof. I shielded my eyes and glanced at the roof but didn't see him.
"No. He's not ready yet," someone whispered in my ear. I snapped around, throwing a punch as I did, only to slam my fist into the fence. I felt one of my knuckles crack as it hit the wood, and the pain shot up my arm like lightning. Within seconds, my hand started to puff up, and blood dripped out the wounds.
The Boy chuckled again. It came from under the house. I looked down at the grate and saw his legs disappear into the darkness.
"Hey!" I called and dropped to the ground. I pulled out my flashlight and shone into the darkness again. I was confident I'd see him, but he wasn't there. Nobody was.
I sat up and felt goosebumps turn my arms into braille. I glanced over to the corner of the house and was surprised to see the disappearing hemline of the faded blue dress. I rushed over to the corner and didn't see the Woman. I saw Tom with a bottle of water.
"You okay?"
"Where did that woman go?" I asked, my voice panicking. "She was just here."
"Sir, do you need me to call your boss for you? You're starting to scare me."
"What's up with this house? Is it haunted?"
Tom started laughing. "I hope not. I just moved in. I'd hate to have roommates again, especially ones who leave ectoplasm all over the place."
As I stared at him, I saw the Woman and the Boy emerge from the other corner of the house. They looked up on the roof, their faces obscured by their hands and the sun. I pointed a finger at them and screamed, "They're right there!"
Tom spun around and looked, but there wasn't anything there. He turned back to me, not sure what to say. Instead, he handed me the bottle of water. "I gotta be honest. I didn't see anything. Drink the water...you might have heat stroke."
I threw the bottle on the ground. "I don't have fucking heat stroke. I have a man that's lying about these things." I got close to him. "What did you have planned for me? Why do they keep asking to show their faces?"
"I don't," he said, but I didn't stay to hear him finish his thought. I walked right past him and turned the corner of the house. As I did, I saw the blue hem disappear through the door that led to the kitchen. I followed right behind her.
I walked into the house, which was as silent as a corpse. The Woman and Boy were nowhere to be seen. "Hello?" I called out. "I just saw you guys walk in here. Where are you?"
The door behind me opened up. Tom walked in, his face reddening with anger. "You can't just walk into my house."
"I saw them walk in. Where are they?"
"I keep telling you, it's just me and you here. Now, if you want to finish your work…."
I walked away from him and headed toward the bedroom where I had seen the Boy standing. I wanted to check that crawl space. The room was empty, not even a moving box in there, so finding the hatch that led under the house was easy. I went into the closet and pried the hatch open.
Tom entered the room behind me, more confused now than angry. "I don't want a line run through here."
"The Boy was standing in this spot. I saw his legs. I spoke to him. He told me the shadows needed me for something." I glared down into the darkness under the house. Despite Tom's feigned declarations that there wasn't another person in the house, I knew he wasn't being honest.
"Okay, I'm pretty sure you're back on pills and in the middle of a delusion," he said.
"How did you know I had a pill addiction?"
"The way you're acting, it wasn't a hard guess."
"I'm sober, but I did have a problem with pills. I never told you. I don't tell anyone."
Tom stood there, confused about how to answer. I stood up and stared him down. He looked away, but I didn't move my gaze. "Who are you? Who put you up to this? Was it Rory? He trying to get me fired?"
Tom's shoulders sagged. "You got me," he said. "Rory hired me to get you in trouble. I'm... I'm sorry. He offered me free cable for a year and assured me you were a bad guy and, well…. I'm weak."
"That's really fuc…," I stopped. "You're lying. Right now. You're lying. Why?"
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something dash past the open crawlspace hatch. I turned to the hatch opening and then back to Tom.
"Are you trying to stop me from looking in there?"
He didn't respond.
"What's under there?"
"He is," he said. "The Boy. He hides under there all the time. He has...friends down there."
"The shadow people?"
Tom shrugged, "What he calls them. I call them a menace. Impossible to get my work done with them causing a racket."
"What work?"
"Things you'd never understand in a million years," he said, "Things beyond your brain's capacity to imagine. Things that will help usher in a new world. Your kind's time is coming to a close. My work represents the new order."
I stared at him. I wasn't sure if I should run away or punch his lights out. Instead, I just spat out, "Bro, what the fuck?"
"Can we show our faces now?" the Boy called out from under the house.
I looked down at the hatch and then back at Tom. He nodded toward the opening. "Do you want to see your future?"
"Fuck it," I said. I got down, grabbed the sides of the opening, and lowered my head under the house.
I kept my eyes closed for a second, assuming I'd either see something horrifying or something would hit me in the face. When nothing struck me, I opened my eyes. It was dark, and I couldn't make out anything.
"There's nothing under here," I said.
"Can we show our faces now?" said the Boy from somewhere under the house.
"Show him," Tom said.
I sat back up, grabbed my flashlight from my pocket, and flipped it on. I looked at Tom, "If you try anything, so help me, God."
Tom just smiled. I looked back down at the hatch and sighed. I was suddenly hit with a bolt of common sense. What was I doing? My internal alarms were going off and I was ignoring them. Curiosity had gotten me this far, but my fight instincts were starting to lose to my flight. No job was worth this.
"Man, fuck this," I said, reversing course and standing. I turned to confront Tom, but he was gone. I hadn't heard him leave, but there wasn't a trace of him there. "Tom? Where the hell are you?"
He didn't respond, and I decided that I had hit my "weird shit" quota for the day. I closed the closet door and headed back into the living room to grab my gear. I'd call dispatch and tell them someone else had to come out and finish the….
The wood floor cracked, splintered, and gave way when I put my weight on it. I fell through the floor and landed with a thud on the dirt in the crawl space. On the way down, I hit my ribs on a crossbeam and heard them crack and knock the wind out of me. As I lay on the dirt, writhing in pain, my lungs did their damnedest to find a breath. It couldn't, and my vision started to blur at the edges. For a fleeting few seconds, I envisioned my death on a dirty crawlspace floor. It wasn’t comforting.
I rolled onto my back and finally took in a massive gulp of life-saving air. The blurring vision subsided, and all that remained was the aching pain of a busted rib. My muscles around my rib cage spasmed and pulled tight against my lungs. After the initial big breath, I could only take shallow gulps because the pain was searing.
I lay there for a few seconds, collecting my thoughts, when I felt something skitter across my legs again. I kicked out of instinct but didn't hit anything. Instead, I heard the chuckling again. My flashlight had fallen out of my hand. I found it and turned it on.
This time, I did see something. Pairs of eyes—dozens of them—watched me from the darkness that surrounded me. These weren't possums or rats. I never hoped to find a raccoon under the house more than I did at that moment. I knew whatever these things were, they weren't natural and they wanted to harm me.
"Still want to know what they plan to do to you?" the Boy asked from behind me.
I turned around and shone the light where I heard the voice. The Boy was lying on his stomach, his face looking down at the ground. All I could see at the moment was the top of his head.
"Wha-what's going on?" I said, the light bouncing from my trembling hand.
"I can show you my face now," he said. He raised his head and….
The Boy didn't have a face.
He had the space for a face, but there were no features whatsoever—nothing but pale pink skin pulled tight across the front of his head. At that moment, the image of a wooden art figure came to me.
“What the ever-loving fuck?"
"Want to see something really scary?" the Boy said, his lack of a mouth not stopping him from speaking. He raised himself onto the tips of his fingers and toes and started skittering toward me, laughing as he did.
I clambered out of the crawlspace as fast as my battered body could carry me. I got out of the hole and onto my feet and let out an ear-splitting scream.
The Woman in the blue dress was standing next to the hole in the floor. Like the Boy, she didn't have a face either. But I could feel her eyes on me. Looking into my mind. Into my soul. She stepped toward me, and I bolted for the front door.
I whipped it open and was greeted by Tom standing there, blocking me. He grinned. "Leaving so soon?"
"What the hell is going on?" I asked, checking behind me to see if the Woman was still coming toward me. She was, and she was gaining quickly.
"Can we show our faces now?" he asked with a laugh.
I turned back to Tom and nearly had a heart attack. His face was gone. I could feel my heart beating in my ears. My legs were jelly, but I kept myself propped up. The human desire to survive can perform miracles.
Tom reached out and pointed at a spot on the far side of the living room wall. I turned and saw three skinned human faces hanging from old nails: a man, a woman, and a boy.
"You're turn to join us," Tom whispered. But the voice wasn't said out loud. It came from inside my own head. "We can always use another body around here."
My brain clicked into action and sent an all-points bulletin to my limbs. The message was simple and actionable – "Get the fuck going, you dope."
I felt my hand ball into a fist and spun. It landed where Tom's nose would've been. It should've knocked him back, causing him to stumble and giving me time to run. But that didn't happen. Instead, his face pulled apart, letting my fist slide right through. It closed on my arm, trapping me.
I yanked and yanked, but my arm would not dislodge from his face. I glanced back and saw the Woman nearly next to me. The Boy was climbing out of the hole, moving like a cockroach. I looked back at the wall and saw Tom's hanging face silently laughing.
Something about those silent laughs cut me to my core. They were laughing because Tom thought he had outsmarted me. He had beat me. That my face would soon be hanging on the wall next to theirs. I wasn't going to let that happen.
I saw a loose brick on the walkway, and a plan flashed in my mind. I yanked hard, sending Tom stuttering forward enough for me to wrap my finger around the brick. I brought it up and sent it towards his face. As expected, the face parted again, and the brick flew through easily.
But as soon as the face curtains pulled aside, I yanked my arm free. With my limb free, I took off in a mad sprint for my truck. I got inside and fumbled my keys as I tried to start the engine. Tom, the Woman, and the Boy stood together at the front door and watched as I got the van going and rocketed down the street.
I drove like a madman for ten minutes, trying to put as much space between me and the house as possible. I finally stopped at a gas station to collect my thoughts. I was jittery, and my mind was swimming, but I was also relieved. I had gotten out.
I collected myself and called Denise to tell her I couldn't finish the installation at 981 Maple Street. I was going to suggest we cancel the order and not send another installer there. That's when the conversation took a turn I wasn't expecting.
"Where have you been? You were supposed to be off an hour ago," Denise said when I called her.
"I was trying to finish the install at 981 Maple, the one you sent me to."
"I didn't send you anywhere," she said. "With how insane Rory is being about overtime hours, I'm trying to keep everyone below the threshold."
"What are you talking about? You called and asked me. You don't remember," I said, a bad feeling growing in the pit of my stomach.
She gave me a nervous chuckle, "I swear I didn't. Are you feeling okay? You gotta come back. People are waiting for the van."
"I can prove it. I have a record of you calling me on my phone," I said. I opened my call log, and my jaw dropped. There was no call from Denise. She was telling me the truth. But if she didn't call me, who did?
"Rory wants to talk to you when you get in. I wouldn't mess around, he seems pissed" she said before hanging up.
I haven't moved since. I wanted to write this down because I felt like it needed to be recorded. Something supremely fucked up is happening at 981 Maple Street. It nearly got me. It still might. To think, on any other typical day, a surprise conversation with my boss would be the scariest thing that could happen to me. Funny how seeing a faceless ghoul can prioritize your problems. If you're hired to do work there, turn it down. Trust me, it's not worth it.
"Can we show our faces now?" they asked. "Fuck no," should be the only response.

Hey guys, I don't know where to start and frankly, I am lost, so I am here hoping to get some advice.
Quick background: I grew up in an East Asian country and moved to a Western country when I turned 21.
I am getting married and I have two maids of honor, one from the country I grew up in and one from where I live now. I am having my wedding in the country I grew up in, so the situation made sense.
Fast forward, I had my bachelorette party in the country I reside in, and my maid of honor who still lives in the country I grew up in [I will call her Asian Maid of Honor from here to make it less confusing] came all the way to celebrate my bachelorette. She is staying with me, which I was excited about because the last time we spent this much time together was when we were 20.
I was really grateful that she came all the way, but there were some issues I noticed that made me question if I even want her as my friend any longer.
Firstly, she kept making negative comments about the theme of the party mainly because it is something she wouldn't do. I mentioned multiple times that this is my bachelorette, but she constantly made nasty comments. At the same time, she followed what was asked and dressed up as required but kept making unpleasant comments about everything, which really bugged me.
Secondly, I warned her that this is a different country, so the rules and regulations work differently. Where I live, they are stricter when it comes to drinking and being drunk, unlike the country I grew up in, where they keep serving alcohol until you pass out on the floor. I already warned her that because there will be 14+ other guests at my bachelorette, I won't be able to mother her all the time, so she really needs to be more mindful as I can't take care of her 24/7. She got a little overexcited, got wasted, and managed to disappear in a country where she can barely communicate, which resulted in ruining my bachelorette night because I had to call everywhere trying to find out where she disappeared to. But there are more stories related to this which will make sense with the other point.
What really annoyed me the most, and made me question everything, was this final issue. We grew up and spent our late teens and early twenties together, where our society was quite different and we were taught to act a certain way, believing that getting attention from men is everything. However, I noticed that she hasn't grown up a bit since I left the country, whereas I feel like I have matured much more and my perspective has changed. Essentially, she was allowing creepy people who approached the bachelorette with wrong intentions to do anything and kept inviting random groups of strangers who clearly had weird intentions to our table. I told her multiple times that my other friends expressed that they were uncomfortable because most of them have spouses and are not interested in talking to these men, and most importantly, they are here to celebrate my bachelorette, not to talk to random groups of men with weird intentions, treating this as some sort of matchmaking show. Not to mention, every group she dragged to our table was pretty much harassing my friends. There were two guys from different groups who kept touching my Asian maid of honor inappropriately in a public space to the point that a patron at the bar raised it to the bartender, and apparently my Asian maid of honor said it was okay and sent the security away. Essentially, the reason why she "disappeared" was because she decided to leave the group and follow one of those strangers. It's her body and her choice, but firstly, she has a spouse herself, and each time I raised a concern and communicated that I was uncomfortable with her bringing these random people to our table, she said, "What is the problem? These men are trying to be nice and offer us free drinks," where I told her multiple times, this is not the right occasion and not the right time. I told her if she wants to go out and "make friends," she can do it on her personal trip and personal time, but this is my bachelorette and I would much prefer her to just enjoy the company and stop adding random strangers.
Also, I was told pretty rude things by her boyfriend when he discovered that I was not with her at the end of the night because she flew all the way and I was supposed to take care of her.
Fast forward to this morning, I confronted my friend and had a chat about how upset I was with her behavior. At first, she said it was unfair how I was upset with her because she was drunk and I also did stupid things because I was drunk, such as leaving her behind resulting in missing her (which started another whole argument because SHE SNEAKED OUT TO FOLLOW THIS MEN that no one knew she was gone until we were heading home). Then she said it was unfair because she was just excited for my bachelorette, so all the choices she made were because she was feeling happy for me and wanted to "enjoy the vibe" and because we don't have something like bachelorette parties where we grew up, she didn't take it seriously and thought it was just one of those girls' nights out where we can just have fun. And with the bringing creepy dudes and following one and disappearing, she simply said, "She does not remember, hence it didn't happen." Then when I told her there were so many complaints about her because of it, she said, "It is simply a different cultural background, so my friends from here just do not understand her," which I told her was not the case as there were some friends who grew up in the same cultural background and moved to this country only after their twenties. Then when I told her her boyfriend is no longer invited to my wedding because he was unreasonably rude, especially since we only met twice and he decided it was okay to speak to me the way he did last night, she said she understands where I am coming from but I am being unreasonable and am not respecting her man who was simply trying to make sure she is safe.
Then when I went over all the details of why I am not okay with her "excuses," she then decided to cry and said, "I really didn't know what I was doing was wrong and didn't know bachelorette parties were this important, I just thought it was just a simple girls' night and just wanted to have fun, but now I am upset that I have ruined your night," and just kept sobbing all day.
I told her that I really am sorry to make her upset, but I just wanted to communicate because I do not want her to behave this way at my wedding, especially at my wedding reception where the majority of guests that came to the bachelorette will be there, and she really needs to get her act together. Also, today was her last day in this country, so I don't want this (her sobbing and me confronting) to be her last memory, so if we can go out and refresh and reassess our feelings because she still is an important friend and I do value our friendship. Then she said she needs time to think, came back in 3 hours, which I later found out she went to "hang out" with one of the strangers she met online while she was here, which apparently is not a dating app, which didn't add up, but I decided not to question as I am pretty much done at this point and simply it is not my business.
I am just a bit confused as I never noticed this before, but then again it normally was me, her, and another friend hanging out without alcohol involved where she never acted this way, or we would hang out as a couple (as her then boyfriend, me and my fiance). Also, I have only seen her three times since I moved to the new country, so I don't know if my perspective has changed, or if she was always this type of person, I don't know.
I am just really upset as person that I invited to be part of my special day became the cause of ruining my special day, and no I am just questioning everything about the friendship and if I even want to remain friends because I really don't understand her and her behaviours. I am confused because I feel like she is complete stranger, not the friend I thought I knew or I thought I was friends with, and am just lost because she was my best friend for so long and I just dont feel the connection anymore.
Am I overthinking? What do I do in this situation? I am just incredibly lost. Help!

OR: Pride & Prejudice & Punks
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a GM with a solid group, must be in want of a scenario. Or not; maybe you're good with random generators and recycling the modules from 2020. But occasionally, I like to really stretch my brain and see what I can create. So to challenge myself, I decided to try converting Pride & Prejudice into Cyberpunk RED. I will be assuming a certain degree of familiarity with the work, mostly because it has its own Wikipedia page and you can literally go and read the synopsis. I'd encourage you to read the book if you want the greatest benefit, but there's absolutely no judgment if that ain't your jam.
Obviously a 1:1, completely honest translation is impossible. The central plot of the original work revolves around women unable to inherit their father's wealth trying to make good marriages. That's pretty obviously not a problem in Night City. However, there's more to work with there than you might think.
For one, the main relationship of the book is a rags-to-riches love story. We can leverage the massive wealth and power disparity between Darcy and Elizabeth to feed back into more punk narratives.
For another, the characters are surprisingly human and relatable for a gap of 300 years and 4,000 miles (your mileage may vary - literally). Caroline Bingley still comes across as a desperate try-hard. Collins resounds as an utter douche-canoe who told a father to cut his daughter out of his life.
So there's quite a bit there to steal, whether you want to rip it off and use it for background, or if you think one of your PCs actually fits one of the roles. So let's talk about the two ways you can use this material in your game.
Option 1: Strip For Parts / Put On Display
Austen's one hell of a writer, but her conflicts are typically resolved internally. There's very little intervention needed by any heavily armed outsiders (unless you count the Wickham-Lydia elopement). So actually putting the plot of Pride & Prejudice into your Cyberpunk game is a tall order (though not impossible; see below). What works better is stripping the plot for parts and using them as background material that occasionally invites the PCs to mess with it.
Rather than have the players be interested in the "will-they-won't-they" between Jane and Mr. Bingley because that's all they have to distract them from their aristocratic ennui, start running it as a background element. Players go to a high-end club, and this rich corpo's there, with his bodyguards and his skinny-b*tch sister, Caroline. Rich corpo (Mr. Bingley, by name), is interested in one of the PCs buddies (Jane, in this scenario), and spends a lot of time dancing with them, but doesn't take them home. This takes place as background material solely while the PCs are accomplishing their mission, getting a gig from the fixer, or doing whatever else it is they are doing.
Next week, the PCs have two more jobs from local fixers. Turns out a client wants Jane scoped out - what skeletons do they have? Do they have a paramour already? (This job is from Mr. Bingley, who absolutely wants to know if Jane is into them). The other job is to frame Jane as a gold-digging harlot with evidence provided by the client (this job is from Caroline, who thinks her brother is way too good to be slumming it with some club hooker). The PCs are offered both jobs, along with another, unrelated one. Which one do they accept? Either way, you run the consequences down in as cyberpunk a way as possible.
In another scenario, the PCs are befriended by a new kid in town - Wickham. He's a grifter who targets rich, young, vulnerable people and marries them, but he's not targeting the PCs. He is incredibly charming and almost supernaturally good-looking (COOL = 8, maxed out Persuasion, Acting, and Wardrobe & Style, minimum). He also hates people the PCs hate, and makes himself useful to them in a variety of small ways. Need a place to crash? He can get you one, choomba. Need a new piece? He'll get you the exact right caliber, friend. Anyone who bothers to dig into him finds some disturbing rumors from his past: apparently, Wickham's been married six times, and each of his past wives has died mysteriously after leaving everything to him. But Wickham's a notorious gambler as well, and he just pisses money away. More likely, though, the PCs don't do any research, and the following escalation plays out:
One night, Wickham shows up with a corpo heiress he's eloping with, and a duffel bag full of cash from her family's account. The heiress is incredibly drunk and probably high. Wickham needs the crew to buy him some time to get her to a chapel and legally marry her. He stresses that he just needs the PCs to buy him some time, as there are some corpo "detectives" looking for him. He'll pay them $1k each, up front, with another $1k to follow if they can pull the heat off him.
If the PCs accept, they discover that the girl's aunt and uncle are driving the search, and they've brought some serious professional muscle: Team Monster. The aunt and uncle are terrified that the heiress is going to wind up dead as soon as those marriage papers are signed, and they are willing to double Wickham's price if the PCs just tell them where Wickham is...but if the PCs dither, they'll just sic Team Monster on the PCs. If the PCs fight, that heiress dies to some tragic poisoning, and Wickham escapes - this puts the PCs squarely on the shit list of every corpo with a fortune to protect and a gonk kid (at least 30% of the corpos out there). If the PCs sell out Wickham, they save the girl, make some cash, and watch Wickham's skull get ventilated.
One final point on stripping this novel for parts. Pride & Prejudice is so influential it still gets taught and sold today. This book is fairly well known by anyone with at least a high-school education. So if you translate the characters too honestly, you are liable to tip your hand. Adjusting names helps (Yelbing instead of Bingley). You can also gender-swap characters, change ethnicities, languages, etc.
Option 2: Central Casting
Prologue: talk to your players about romance before dropping it in your game. It can go great or it can go cringe as fuck. It rarely hits a middle ground.
Main event: So, what happens when you realize you've actually got an Elizabeth Bennet-type at your table? Well, you drop in Mr. Darcy, and see what happens. This is actually something I'm going to try, because when I read Pride & Prejudice this weekend, I noted several similarities between my wife's Solo and Elizabeth Bennet. And because in-game Thanksgiving is coming up, one of her Corporate contacts is going to invite her to a Thanksgiving dinner, black tie (she doesn't have black-tie duds, but that's a great way to introduce Not A Stitch To Wear).
If she attends, cue the anti-meet-cute between her and the standoffish and proud Lady Pembrooke (my gender-swapped Mr. Darcy), who is in town for several months handling some business for their incredibly rich aunt. From there, you put them in rooms together, and see where that goes. The core of these two's relationships in the book (and why it's so satisfying) is a very, very, very well done "enemies to friends to lovers" trope that doesn't just change each other, but changes themselves, too.
"Ah, but Sparky," I hear you say, "their relationship can only take off because they alternate between being forced together and being kept apart. Like that time Elizabeth stayed at Netherfield to tend to her sick sister and had to talk to Darcy. How do you do force them together?"
Well, I'm figuring getting caught together in a bank heist-turned-hostage situation might work fairly well. Give them a couple of other hostages to play off of, and maybe throw in Caroline Bingley to try talking smack about the PC, and you've got the ingredients for an interestingly tense scene while they come up with a way out of there. All you really need is a location and a situation where the two characters have to talk to each other. Austen accomplishes this with a deft use of social expectations. You can do the same thing in Night City by letting it just be Night City - alternate action with conversation.
You could also have Darcy show up in places where he's an inconvenience to the PCs job. If they get hired to hit a big gala, and Darcy's there with an inconveniently sharp eye on them, then somebody's got to distract him. In the meantime, you can also hear rumors about how Darcy was an absolute schmuck to someone the PCs like. And of course, the biggest impediment to Darcy's happiness is Darcy himself, because he cannot stop acting like he's better than everyone else.
That's the push - the pull is that Darcy actually does care about people, and takes noblesse oblige seriously. He'll work hard to provide charity, and uses his position and privilege to help folks out when they're in a jam. In short, show good deeds, don't have Darcy tell anyone about them. In fact, the more steps Darcy can take to avoid his good deeds leaking out to the PC, the better.
The final question for this pairing, though, is simple: Do they get a happy ending? (Get your head out of the gutter, Dan). That, I think, depends on how your PC plays it. Do they actively antagonize high society? Infuriate their social betters? Flaunt their competence? Well, have high society respond. Darcy's aunt sends hit squads. Caroline Bingley anonymously leaks damaging information (false or true) to the press. Fixers get warned not to work with the PCs, and some of them listen.
Do they convince Darcy to come away with them? To start a new life? Do they insert themselves in his? The options are endless, and ultimately, Night City itself can be a reason why they're doomed. But as Romeo & Juliet shows, sometimes doomed romances are the most impactful kind.
Anyway, hope this was helpful! See y'all later!

We'd like to find others interested in meeting up for brief (<4 hour) get togethers at a regular day of the week and time to build together in creative mode.
What is it?

• A weekly get together where a small group of people can make a tiny build in their own style
• Most of the time a 'template' will be made before everyone arrives so when we don't know where to start, we have somewhere to start.

How long does it last?

• Each session will be < 3 hours for the main event
• Session can go longer if individual wish to, or want to keep working on their project

Is this a competition?

• Nah. People volunteering to share their builds with others is more than enough.
• All are welcome to 'team up' or 'help' with others if asked/accepted
• Some times we do group builds with multiple parts.

Will I get to keep what I make?

• 100% Every week we'll share a world download, or structure blocks at minimum.
• Creators have the ability to request their build be removed before the world download is shared.
  • This is asked before the wold download is shared.

When does it happen?

• Typically during the weekend (Saturday/Sunday)
• Typically between UTC +0 300 and 700
  • Time and day of the event is determined weekly by asking interested parties
  • There will be a 'count down timer' site so that all parties can easily convert to their local time zone

Can I steam/record/etc. this for my viewers/audience?

• No.
  • We're a tiny group, and if you're not getting enough affirmation from the group, let us know.

Do I have to be in voice with everyone?

• No.
  • Most communication for the event will be done in voice, so the ability to hear through Discord is greatly useful. Text accommodations for those who use screen readers will be made.

Are there ranks? Unlocks? Etc.

• Nope. This is very low key event. With the most basic of Discord. No additional bells or whistles.

Do/Would you use X mod/addon/plugin?

• Nada. We meet up and build in vanilla Minecraft creative mode
  • We'll change game rules based on the build or majority participant request
  • The data pack we use are created by us, not imported from anywhere else. They help us quickly set all game rules to the desired, as well

Do you have any anti-greifing measures?

• Yes /ban.
  • We're all adults. Rude/aggressive/invasive/inconsiderate/dismissive/etc individuals are swiftly dealt with and removed.
  • If individuals have a concern others may react negatively to something they'll say/do/or build. Ask, and let it be known before you do so. Again, adults, pretty straight forward how to not step on toes.

What's the application process look like?

• A few written questions to establish user name in Discord & Minecraft
• A build submission (We send you a world with a custom build, you build it, and send it back to us.)
• A brief voice interview (No voice required, it just saves us a lot of typing).

Thanks for readin' on through! If you'd like to join, comment down below, and we'll send a discord invite.
Other FAQ:
Why don't you let people stream/record/etc.?

• Multiple reasons:
  • We're here to enjoy and interact with each other in Minecraft, not perform for private audiences.
  • All skills and abilities are welcomed, even if they're super shy. Taking pictures/video of strangers to share with others is weird.
  • We respect the privacy of others. Questions are welcomed, responses are accepted as is. I.E. If a person doesn't want to share a personal detail, we don't press them on it. This also extends to the right of any user to delete their messages or images, we don't look down on that as Digital Footprints are a thing.

Do you allow players to PvP, or build thing to blow each other up?!

• PvP - Absolutely not.
• TNT - No? Though, if an build event was proposed to have each participants build explode in a creative way, that would be possible

Will/Are there any long-term builds?

• If a build really hits it off with party members, we may return to it.
• Typically we like to keep the builds small, as that prevents burn out and massive time constraints.

Are NSFW/18+ Material/Builds/etc. welcomed?

• No. Not in Discord, voice, text, game, etc. This is echoed in the earlier "if you're concerned something might not be accepted..." ask first.

I'm getting toward the bottom of my gigantic, overdo pile, so some of these may even be from within the last 30 days :)
u/t3ctim: Love my Australian dingo card related to my Golden Ratio offer :) That is a very cool picture! Smooches to Honey :)
u/which_flan_9504: TY for my very cool hand made stickered up postcard with the awesome stamps. I love your printing. So sorry to hear the message you sent-Let me reassure you that you ARE NOT ALONE, friend! You have a whole community standing behind you here, and a friend willing to listen in me! Sending you lots of positivity and good vibes!
u/vanish-inks: TY for my super cool Mr. Waffles TY p/c! I can just picture him taking his Baby Yoda everywhere! None of my dogs have been big on taking their toys with them, and I think that is so absolutely adorable! I lost my sweet pittie a couple of years ago, so the household is down to me and my cat at the moment. I've promised him no other interlopers, so no new pets are on the horizon. I do help a local dog rescue transport dogs between facilities though, so I get a little fix in that way!
u/rennbrig: TY for my very cool mystical forest, fairy tale-esque postcard! I love that style and that one in particular is beautiful!
u/cswl x2: I got a jam packed envelope from you last week-two awesome cards, plus some goodies! Your dream vacation sounds awesome! I was supposed to go on an Alaskan cruise a few years back, and we couldn't do it. We've just never gotten it together to make it happen!
u/Reasonabl_Ad1688: TY for my very cool postcard of the Albert in London! I loved reading about Powell's and in fact, they were one of the cards in my bookstore p/c set. IDK if I chose that one for you or not, but wouldn't that be funny if I had? I would love to visit there one day. I've been to the Strand in NYC which is also massive and that was pretty cool. Love the buy back feature too-sounds like a great place!
u/purpleroots: TY for my Franz Kline postcard from earlier this spring. Loved your pen drawings, and the cool effects you used on my name. It has inspired me to doodle more! I'm getting back into some artsy/crafty endeavors after not doing much on that front. I am dipping into watercolor and found postcard blanks in watercolor paper, so I hope to be able to send out something with them soon! Also, the postmark from Big Dog Race Station was so cool!
u/DianaPenPal: TY for my random mailing in mid April! I loved the pretty postcard, llama coloring piece and stickers you sent and decorated with! I have been saving the llama, and I'm glad I did. I just got watercolor pencils and I want to try them out on this cutie! TY for the rec on Britney's memoir. I too would have been unlikely to pick that one up, but maybe I will. I just finished Ella Minnow Pea yesterday. It was good, funny, creative, but also disturbing given the political times we are in. I recommend it !
u/annoyinglangers x2: TY for my two adorable Easter cards. My favorite was the pastel colored chicks popping out of eggs in a carton-SOOO cute :) All the envelope stickers were awesome and your personalized return address labels are always so cute-I love seeing them. Sending you lots of good vibes, my friend! I haven't sent out much lately, but I've been thinking of you and hoping all is well!
u/princecowboy: I cannot tell you how much I absolutely love this whole thing you sent me (geesh, maybe even in late 2023! So sorry I'm so late, especially for such a touching card!) I adore everything about it-Cowboy as royalty, his story, the story of Pups On Parole, your compassion for the inmate who worked with Cowboy, the 3D model of Cowboy (which sits on my desk so I can gaze upon his cute when writing or working upstairs!), and the gorgeous black and gold theme with the envelope. I miss my pit mix who's been gone almost 2 years every day, and my heart isn't healed enough to bring home another sweet dog yet, so everything about this just brought me a lot of joy and peace-this is one of the most special cards I've ever gotten here. TY to you and Cowboy, and please give him all my love!!
u/FollowingTheBeat: How did you know that I have an affinity for lightening bugs? I loved this sweet card from our own special baby raspberry :) I loved the heart and star doodles you added :)
u/thecaledonianrose: girrrrl-you send me so many awesome postcards! I am always behind just on your TY's alone :) This is for the "treasured romance" postcard of the watercolor style woman with a parasol and child in a wildflower field, from way back in April! So pretty-TY for always being a faithful postcard pal!!
u/onebadjoke: TY for my blue fish notecard! I haven't always lived here-I grew up in the midwest and lived in Philly for decades. When I wanted a bigger yard for my dog, I decided to look over here vs. the PA suburbs and the rest is history! I would love to explore your adopted country more; been there once and just loved it! I made it to the shore for a few day trips this spring. I'm hoping to stay for awhile in the early fall! I leave the busy summer days to the hard core beach crowds, LOL!
u/mallorn_hugger: OMG!! I think you win the (unfortunate) award of absolutely latest TY!! I believe this letter from you is from LAST SPRING :( when I made a strawberry themed offer! I LOVED your strawberry cake stationery from S. Korea and all the beautiful strawberry stickers you used and sent me. I love all the cool, quirky, unusual stationery items found throughout Asia. I have cousins in Japan and a friend who periodically travels to Hong Kong and they bring me fun stuff like sometimes. I really loved this, and I feel terrible that I forgot your TY for so long!

Welcome back to my running series of WWF PPV Reviews from a ‘blind’ perspective (I have no idea what’s going to happen; the results, the feuds or how good any of the matches will be). I have always heard stories of the attitude era and golden age but never watched it myself so I set myself to watching every single PPV event chronologically. I am also watching Wrestling Bios ‘reliving the war’ series to keep me updated inbetween the events with the feuds, and to get excited about upcoming matches.
Before I review the matches, based on the past few episodes of raw and last PPVs I’ll let you know, going into the event, which match I’m most excited for and which feud I’m most excited to see.
Now this may surprise you but I’m most excited for the opener with edge vs owen hart. Although not over with the fans yet edge is a hall of famer and I really enjoy his in ring ability, and I think mixing him in with Owen hart is just a match made for success. Excited to see what they can do.
Feud Wise the triple threat is sure to deliver, Austin will have to pull out an absolute miracle to be able to get the win over Kane & Undertaker since they can’t pin each other. Everything to do with the main eventers is fantastic, although the steel cage match looks to be very good as well.
WWF Breakdown 1998 Match Ratings
Edge vs Owen Hart 2.5/5
Too Much vs Al Snow & Scorpio 1.75/5
Marc Mero vs Droz 0.75/5
Vader vs Bradshaw 2/5
D’Lo Brown vs Gangrel 1.5/5
Ken Shamrock vs Mankind vs The Rock Steel Cage Match 3.75/5
Dustin Runnels vs Val Venis 1.25/5
Jarett & Southern Justice vs X-Pac & New Age Outlaws 2.25/5
Stone cold Steve Austin vs Undertaker vs Kane 3.5/5
As I said in the intro an absolute dream match to start the ppv with edge vs Owen Hart. I genuinely think they’ll pull off something impressive here.
The crowd was pretty quiet for most of the match, but there were a few pops for the clean moves they pulled off and they got more into it by the end. This was just a classic wrestling match, although I have to say they were a bit off the ball, with their general in ring action being a little slow and unenthusiastic. I’m guessing edge wasn’t feeling as confident at this point of his career. AND WE SEE CHRISTIAN AT ONE POINT!! He appeared at the side of the ring and caused the distraction for Owen hart to get the sneak pinfall victory.
It wasn’t as good as I thought it would be but it was still a good wrestling performance, it’s just a shame the crowd really wasn’t behind them. You can’t blame them though there was no build up to the match.
Now I know a lot of people won’t like the whole silly Al snow gimmick going on at this point but to be honest I find some enjoyment in it. It’s funny and lighthearted and silly and I think it’s good to mix it up like this and not take everything super seriously. Too much is a good group to work with to make the silly gimmick funny as well.
First off I gotta say… what the hell is going on with Scorpios hair. Bro got one of the worst trims I’ve ever seen 😂 seriously needs to have a stern talk with his barber.
The crowd was much more into this match than the opener though, they actually enjoyed this more than Owen hart and edge which is crazy to me. But then again the wrestling, surprisingly was better in this one. It was fast paced, it wasn’t dragged out too long, it had some funny moments in it, just a decent mid card match. There wasn’t anything REALLY good in it so I won’t rate it highly or a must watch or anything but I found some enjoyment in it.
Marc Mero comes down to the ring and the crowd chants “sable”, of course. Droz makes his entrance and there’s is quite literally no reaction from the crowd, I haven’t seen him before so I’m guessing this is his debut.
This match however was very very boring I really didn’t enjoy it. There was one spot from Droz that was entertaining when he performed a good aerial move but other than that I don’t have much to say, just not a great match.
The crowd was REALLY quiet for the Vader vs Bradshaw match and honestly I felt bad for Vader as the crowd were being super harsh to him: calling him fat and giving him no appreciation, a sad thing to see how far he fell off. The match was SUPER stiff though, a lot of shots they did looked extremely painful and brutal, but in the way that it looked like there were hits out of frustration…
I thought they actually had a decent match though, it was just very stiff and the crowd was not into it at all; the crowd chanted boring and had no enthusiasm for anything happening in the match at all. This is a tough crowd tonight. I do like that Bradshaw changed his hairstyle though, strange seeing him with black hair though.
This random dude called Jason does impression of various superstars and to be fair he actually does a really good job, the Rock sounded bang on.
I say this again, D’Lo has actually been impressing me a lot recently, he’s really developed his in ring ability and looks way better. I think he’s really benefitting from being his own person in the WWF as well.
Gangrel I think is actually a good idea for a character in the wwf, I mean hey if you can make the undertaker work you can make Gangrel work, and the dude looks odd enough to pull it off. But it will only really work if his in ring ability matches his character; he’s a vampire so he has to embody that in his move set and how he does things, just like undertaker does with his deadman persona.
D’Lo hits a fantastic looking piledriver early on in the match as he took control, this looked really good and there was a loud audible gasp from the crowd when he hit it. But when they had the crowd behind them they decide to completely slow it down with rest holds in the middle of the ring and the stadium fills up with boos. To be fair it wasn’t that long that they held it it was just the crowd being very tough once again. D’Lo picks up the win in a match that had some decent spots but wasn’t really that great, it started well but finished poorly, the mark henry interference was random too and didn’t do anything for the match. Just an eh, you can skip this one.
Next we have the steel cage match and this should be really good. The rock has been on fire recently, foley has also been on top of his game and shamrock is someone I’ve grown to appreciate a lot in the wwf.
We get a promo from shamrock which was super average and then we get a promo from the rock, and my god talk about showing the prominent difference being good on the mic can make. The rock has now began his rise to superstardom not only from his amazing work in the ring but his mastery of the microphone. Mankind also cuts a good promo I swear my guy never stutters with his weird ass promos 😂😂. This is the difference between a star and a superstar though, just watch shamrocks promo and then the rocks… it’s quite amazing to see.
Shamrock makes his entrance and I think I’m hearing more boos than cheers, is he a heel right now? I don’t think so… the rock makes his way out and for one of the first times we hear the “Rocky” chants without the sucks after it! He gets a huge ovation here and it’s great to see. Finally there’s more than one mega star in the wwf right now again.
The match started a little slow with the three having a bit of a difficult time finding ways to fill the time in the ring as it is admittedly very limited what they can do: no outside ring work, three people with only the ring and the cage to work with. People were really behind the rock in this match though, like REALLY behind him, as soon as the rock started getting in any offence the crowd lost it, especially that double peoples elbow. There were thunderous chants of “rocky” as he started climbing the cage after that.
The match really picked up in the second half and eventually we get to see mankind doing ANOTHER big dive off a large steel structure. He’s done this before in a steel cage match but this time it missed and he lands straight in the mat, ouch that’s gotta take the wind out of you. I wasn’t sure how the match would play out but I was pleasantly surprised, Rock just can’t miss with his matches right now! Everything he’s involved in just seems to steal the show recently. Mankind hit shamrock with an absolutely thunderous steel chair shot after stopping shamrock from escaping through the cell door, foley climbs the cage and is about to escape but the rock pinned shamrock before he could hit the floor and the rock is the no 1 contender for the title! To be fair I would’ve actually enjoyed an even longer match than they had. Once they got going they really got going, but the rock was a highlight for this match he did fantastically. A great match for the mid card especially. It would’ve been even better with triple H instead of shamrock and to be fair I was disappointed to see he wasn’t on the match card, but in the future we definitely don’t have a lack of the rock vs triple H.
Man Dustin Rhodes just hasn’t had a good gimmick recently, this buildup for a match is quite literally that his wife cheated on him and because he’s a preacher he will make him repent. I suppose it’s an improvement over the artist previously known as Goldust. I personally hate home wreckers but I also hate preachy religious zealots trying to throw it in your face and convince kids they will go to hell if they ever do anything wrong so I’m not actually cheering for anyone in this match. I’m more routing for Dustin though, Val is just such an asshole 😂.
Marlena/terri comes out with Val and dances with him, and mah gawd she’s got next to naut on! The dancing is super cringy, COME ON DUSTIN PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE! To be fair to them I am invested in seeing Val getting beaten so they’ve done a decent job somewhere.
Dustin hit a great power bomb at the start of the match but then… that was kinda it and not really too much else happened. A chin lock is applied that goes on for way too long, Dustin fought out and hit two clotheslines, they battle a bit more and Terri uses the amazing power of the poontang to give Val a level up in strength and stamina. But Dustin manages to hit a bulldog for a two count that… the ref just stopped at? No clue what happened there. But then Val manages to get the win -.- the smug bastard. The crowd was more into asking Terri to take her clothes off than the match and you can’t blame them it was pretty dull. Not too much to say here. It would’ve been much better as a short physical brawl, which would’ve made sense for the heat they created between each other.
I’m very much hoping to see double J in the match for most of the time, I have no idea who Jaretts team mates are but they just look boring, not to be rude but they look like they’ll be slow and not entertaining. Double J has grown on me as a heel and that’s simply because of his in ring ability, he’s had a few entertaining mid cards recently.
I absolute love that choke hold exchange between x-pac and double J they seem to do every time they wrestle. It looks really good and really builds on the match hype. As I suspected jaretts team mates were very boring so they decided to have Jarett in for most of the match. Everything not involving those two was good. Billy Gunn has really grown on me as well and he works way better being involved with DX than he did before, it’s not that different of a role but I don’t know, maybe he just enjoys it more. Jarett absolutely nailed x-pac with a guitar at the end of the match on the outside of the ring which sounded insanely loud and looked extremely painful. He then says he’s injured his eye and honestly he does a great job because it was believable so I suppose we’ll see the outcome of that injury coming up.
The match was okay… it wasn’t anything great and I don’t know why they had it as a semi main event, they should’ve had the steel cage match as the penultimate match.
Austin then has all the odds stacked against him having to basically wrestle undertaker and Kane at the same time… and they can only win by pinning him… like what!? I’m very curious to see how this will play out.
Kanes entrance is fing awesome, undertakers entrance is fing the coolest thing ever and I really like his new theme with the rock mixup and I’m guessing this new version of undertaker will take him into his ministry arc.
Austin starts off smart by attacking undertaker from behind with a steel chair as he made his entrance. Ain’t no messing around with this match we get right off to a flying start! Kane gets control in the ring again and sends Austin to the outside where undertaker continues the beatdown, but Austin sends undertaker flying into the steel steps and counters Kanes attempts to bring him into the ring. My god he’s so over right now 😂. Austin hits Kane with a stunner but undertaker drags him out the ring to break up the pin.
The only way Austin can win this match is by getting kane and undertaker to turn against each other, and we see the early signs of this when taker accidentally clocks Kane across the jaw when Austin moves out of the way.
There’s a big pop when Austin attacks brisco for getting too close and watching on with glee as Austin got beat up by the brothers of destruction, so Austin taught him a lesson.
Eventually after a very very long beatdown on Austin he gets some offence in but undertaker hits Austin with a chair, but kane pulls him off, there’s definitely going to be some drama here. Once again the same thing happens but Kane is pulled off Austin this time. But then undertaker starts destroying Kane as they battle it out. And there’s a really cool moment of Austin and Kane working together to destroy undertaker. It’s quick fast paced back and forth action here!
Eventually Kane and undertaker get their alliance back on track and the brothers resume their assault on the rattlesnake. This match has been given much more time than any other match tonight and I am definitely not complaining!
But the issues between Kane and undertaker continue to show themselves as they both want to win the title tonight, and the stipulation could be working in Austin’s favour in the later parts of this match! There’s a double clothesline and a big pop as Austin is now the only one on his feet. Somehow, some way Austin is still fighting, with everything he has against taker and Kane but he can’t keep control over the power of Kane. But Austin counters a time stone by sending Kane into the undertaker who’s in the top ropes, he looks for a stunner but undertaker hits him with a huge boot to the face. Just brilliant booking in this match. He’s hit with a double chokeslam and both undertaker and Kane pin Austin… but who’s the new champion??
Vince makes his way to the ring and he steals the wwf belt and walks back down the ramp. Austin nails brisco with a right hook and Vince literally runs away to his limo which drives away and Austin destroys all the corpos as he goes to follow Vince but he’s already gone. I thought this was a brilliant main event which really showed Austin as the toughest SOB in the business. There wasn’t loads of crazy spots or bumps or anything like that but the story told was great and I thought the back and forth of the drama and action was really fun to watch.
Overall there wasn’t anything too crazy going on with this ppv but I thought the steel cage match and the main event were well worth watching. An okay mid card with the usual stinkers mixed in there, but I’m so happy to see edge finally making his presence known in the wwf. Excited to see where the storylines go from here. I wouldn’t say there’s any MUST SEE matches in this ppv and felt more like a weekly raw episode if I’m honest but it was still good fun, you wouldn’t miss too much if you didn’t watch it though.
Overall rating 2.75/5

Kind of a long post, sorry. TLDR; dm let's girlfriend be the BBEG and make all decisions about the game. Special cameo from alien Cyborg furry chimera from the future.
I just joined a group a couple weeks ago and have been meaning to make a post about it in RPG Horror stories, but here goes:
DM posts online looking for players. I haven't played or DMed in about a year and am desperate for a game, so I sign up. There's a few questions for me that I answer (standard stuff, how long have you been playing, what kind of character are you thinking about, are you OK with no evil characters, etc.) I answer them, but as someone who has DMed for a decade I have questions of my own.
How long have they been DMing? About a year. This is their second game and it started about 2 months before I joined.
How many players? They're trying to set the foundation for a living world where other people will be able to dm in the setting, so they currently have 20+ players but only about 6 or 7 show up for a given session. They run 3 days a week so if you can't make it, no problem. Everyone just uses their Discord names rather than real names.
Any homebrew or house rule changes to 5e I should know about? Yes, a few of them.
As they start to go into them I realize this is not going to be a great game, but I don't really care that much. Im just here to play, im not super invested. They tell me to start at level 2 with 150 gold. Okay, cool. Use DnD beyond for sheets. Sure. Roll for stats, cool. End up rolling really well, 17, 14, 17, 17, 13, 17. Dm watches me roll and is amazed. Put the 14 in Wis and 13 in int.
If an attack meets a creature's AC exactly, roll to dodge. Whatever, lots of newer DMs do this.
There are apparently glowing scrolls in the world that allow you to INSTANTLY level up, no matter how much xp you have. Red flag.
The campaign is going to Level 100, switching from Xp to milestone after level 20. Huge red flag. Pause. I ask how that's going to work. What features do you get at level 21 of fighter? 22? 47? They say they're going to be pushing for multiclassing at Higher Levels or using not class feature rewards for higher levels, so I'm assuming things like feats and epic boons. Still very weird though.
Everyone can suggest custom Race for their character and the DM will discuss with another person about it to see if they believe it fits the world (this other person helped design the setting). Okay, great! I've been wanting to play a sentient undead character for a while, we'll circle back to it.
Same as above, you can create a custom item for your character to start with. Cool. I ended up asking for a Greataxe with the finesse property and was granted it. Sweet. Barbarian/rogue, here I come.
There is a homebrew banking system in place, and in order to "encourage" players to use it, you cannot carry more than 2,000 gold on your person at once because "it is too heavy". Strength of 8? 2000 gold. Strength of 24 when the barbarian hits level 20? 2000 gold. But that's fine, my character is a vagrant who doesn't use money and scavenges for everything he needs, and carries everything he owns on his person in a torn up duffel bag.
There's some custom items that can be bought so I spend my starting 150 gold (with dm permission) to get one of them, which is a special gemstone. It says "gives advantage on perception, Stealth, medicine, and Insight checks. Allows for 2 points of advantage on listed checks". Fuck yes, barbarian rogue who rolls 3 times and takes the best on Stealth, Perception, and Insight? I'm set.
Now for my custom Race. I want to play a leng ghoul from the Sandy Petersen Cthulhu Mythos book. I know they're a little overpowered, so I even volunteer to lose the ability to gain Skill bonuses and to lose the claw attacks. DM tells me no, I'll need to pick a different race. Okay, that's fine. I knew it was a long shot. I decide to just be a half orc and ask "out of curiosity, was there something specific that was too OP?" "No, we just felt that the race didn't fit the world. Nothing wrong mechanically" fair enough I guess.
First session:
My character is introduced alongside another new player. They are a paladin. We decide we've been traveling together for a while after Paladin helped get my character out of a bad spot a while ago.
Every player gets a bag of holding my first session in. But wait, a bag of holding makes items within weightless. Can't I just put gold inside the bag of holding? No, you can't put money inside these bags of holding. Other ones you can, but not the free ones we're given. Whatever. Vagrant. Don't care.
We exit the tavern we were in after some fun RP. group is very friendly and fun, and they seem to gel really well together. As we are leaving, we notice something strange glowing on a nearby tree. "K <3 M" is written in glowing script. The other players have been playing for a few sessions so I'm thinking this is probably something important with some NPCs they met previously, so Paladin and I don't have any idea what it could mean. Other players talk it over for a while, and the DM just keeps repeating "think deeper about it" and "you're not thinking realistically. Think realistically". Literally says those phrases like 5 or 6 times each. Nearly 20 minutes of players trying to figure it out and the DM giving us nothing and it changes to be full names rather than initials.
One of the players finally puts it together. This is the DM announcing they started dating someone IRL. I get pretty pissed off at this point, saying I think it's pretty irrelevant to do this. The DM says "sometimes a literal irrelevance is needed". I respond "Yeah, I agree. But this is the first session for 2 new players and you decided to spend a third of it so far on a dating announcement. Like. Congrats dude, but I really don't care about your love life. I'm here to play Dnd, not make random guesses about your love life." Other players agree and are also angry, so i feel a little more justified. Again, we all use discord names, so most of us didn't even recognize the DM's name.
After a while DM has to take a break for 10-15 minutes and leaves us for a bit. Here's where things go incredible. Most groups I've been in, if left alone for 15 minutes, will either just go to the bathroom or check social media or whatever. But this group instantly falls into very natural and authentic role play, asking the new players what their characters have done up to this point, offering to help them learn about the new land we've found ourselves in, talking about wanting to teach my character how to make some nice stews out of foraged foods and rabbit or squirrel. Genuinely some of the best role-playing I've ever been part of.
DM comes back while we're talking about rabbit stew. Instantly cuts us off, says there's no rabbits, and jumps into whatever they were saying. I would KILL for a group that role plays that freely as a DM, and this one is actively squashing it.
DM decides we're going to another town. We get there and are asked to help with defending the city while they rebuild after a raid. Cool. Nothing happens though. We spend the day sitting at guard stations waiting for raiders to return and nothing ever shows up to the town. They thank us and send us on our way with some gold (I give mine to paladin).
DM decides we are returning to the first city. We have discovered that there was a lot of corruption there (the other party members in previous sessions). So we're coming up with a plan to take the city back from the organized crime ring that is running the place. We get to the town and apparently one of the other players is a VERY influential person in the world because they were able to call in an airship of dozens of fighters for backup with this operation.
At some point during this, I I asked to make one of the relevant checks for the item I bought and so I roll with advantage. DM asks why I rolled 2d20s. I say "the item I bought gives advantage." The DM responds Yeah, advantage means +1 to the roll". I say no, advantage means you roll twice and take the better result, or it gives +5 if using the optional method. DM responds that "the double advantage means you get +2 to those checks. You don't get to roll more than once". So I tell them okay, but that they should really change the wording to just say it grants +2 because that is not what advantage means in 5e. They say that they know what it means so it doesn't matter.
Another player that is a rogue had a plan to use his extensive connections to trace the crime ring and find exactly how expansive it was so we can be sure to snuff it all out. DM just brushes over it and ignores the idea. Instead, we head directly to a front owned by the ring.
We show up to what is apparently the head of the crime syndicates' place of business and are prepared to fight. The DM "rolls to see how hard the fight will be" and gets a natural 1. The DM then narrates the player that found the place easily defeating the boss and the rest of us cleaning up the henchman. I once again was pretty upset. "So you just roll a single d20 and that means we don't get to do anything?"
"Yeah, they just were so confident that no one would ever stand up to them that they stood no chance. They didn't even have weapons or anything"
"An organized crime syndicate that has been running a city through force for years had 0 plans for if anyone ever tried to stop them, to the point none of them had weapons?"
"Yeah, that's just the way the dice roll sometimes". "You probably shouldn't be letting major plot points and large battles be determined by a single d20 roll that the players have no influence in." "Sorry, it's just the way things go sometimes." "Yeah but it shouldn't. The outcome of a major plot centric fight should be based on how well the party prepares and uses their resources, not by the DM before it even starts."
End of session 1. I message paladin and he agrees this was really bad but that he's gonna give it some time. I say the Same.
I find out between sessions that the DM has not read ANY of the books and learned how to play exclusively from the DnD beyond character sheet and watching live play YouTube videos (critical roll and dimension 20), and in fact they do not know how to read and have been teaching themselves. Yes, the DM never learned how to read as a child.
Session 2 is going to be much less in depth because literally nothing happens that any of the players have a say in.
Dm decides we're all going to the bank so my character can set up a bank account. "DM, my characterlives a nomadic lifestyle scrounging for scraps. Why would I go to a bank?" "To set up a bank account of course!" "Right. And I have 0 gold. So there's no money for me to put in a bank." "Well you might in the future, so you should set one up now!" "My character has already refused payment and charity twice in this game though. I doubt he's ever going to have any amount of money on him. He is a rogue though, so I guess he can find SOMETHING to do in a bank." DM quickly decides that there is zero reason my character would want to be in a bank and has the party leave.
We try to get horses from a stable so we can travel between towns faster (since the DM keeps deciding we're all leaving town multiple times per session) we are seeing if there are any horses that are trained to not flee from combat, like a warhorse. The DM says "No, you'll have to find a war horse out in the wild. Stables aren't going to have them." I'm a little confused as to why combat trained horses would just be out in the wild, so I ask about it. "The war horses are bright red and have manes of fire" "That's not a warhorse, that's the fucking Horse of War from the apocalypse" "Yeah, it's just a fun little reference" "So we can't have Combat trained horses because of Red Dead Redemtion and the Bible?" "Yeah, that's what the War Horse is" "So like, there's no militaries or militias in the country that ride horses then?"
Dm changes the subject. We're leaving town again!
We get to a new town and the place is being ransacked. We are hiding over a hill and watching the raid happen to try to get a good understanding of the situation when the BBEG appears. We know this because the DM says "and then, the BBEG appears. This is the BBEG for the campaign right here. She's very powerful, you do not wanna mess with her."
After the introduction, DM hands the game over to his girlfriend that he announced in the previous session, revealing she is playing the BBEG (she is also a player in the party, mind you) and is the person that helped design the setting, so is sort of co-DMing.
The BBEG starts talking to us. One of the players says "she's in the middle of town and we're outside the town on the other side of the hill, how does she even know we're here?"
"Great question. My love?" "OH, I can just see you guys." "There you go, she can see you"
"I had a 29 for my Stealth check" "I still see you" "Cool."
So the BBEG(big bad evil girlfriend) monologs about how powerful she is and how we are powerless to stop her and the DM asks if we want to stay and try to save the town or run away. I say "look, guys, I think we can take her". I've got 10 years experience DMing and more playing, and the DM obviously is not aware of how the game works. I am fully confident I can outmaneuver this enemy. Other players agreed they wanted to try to defend the townspeople.
"She's the maximum level"
"Yeah, but this is 5e. I'm level 2, I can probably take her. The difference in numbers between level 1 and 20 is like +10 at the max."
Another player interjects here. "You're level 2???? I'm level 8" "What?" Another player "Yeah I think 7 is the lowest level of any party memebers" "Oh, cool. I was told you were level 2 by the DM last week."
DM: no, I'm pretty sure I said to make yourself level 6 or 7. "Check our messages, it's like the first thing you told me. Dm: huh yeah, I did say level 2. Oops. Level yourself up to level 3 then."
We still want to try to save the Townspeople, maybe we can avoid her specifically or someone xan keep her busy long enough to help people.
Girlfriend declares she summons 150,000 troops to the city.
The DM narrates how we all run for our lives because we have no chance of beating her as BBEG calls in an army of thousands of soldiers who wear armor that resembles one of the other party members.
Now is a good time for me to say that I am absolutely not having a good time in this campaign, but that the other players make it more than worth it to deal with the DM.
Remember how my sentient ghoul was deemed "not fitting" for the setting? The other player asks "they look like me? Do they have the autobot or decepticon emblem?"
Record scratch. "Sorry, wait. Are you a transformer? I thought you were a bugbear." "No, I'm a half bear, half bat from the future that can transform into a robot because I'm partly cybernetic." "Okay. So ghoul that is intelligent is too far fetched for this world, but alien Cyborg furry chimera from the future is perfectly fitting. Gotcha."
The DM narrates us running away and going to the next town, where the invasion BBEG called is also happening. They narrate a girl being kidnapped and the party says that she is the love interest of another player who is not at the session, and the group agrees they want to try to free her bc party member would be upset if we let her get taken without even trying to save her. I agree and charge in.
"They're so far away, you wouldn't be able to reach them in time. You'd have to be able to move 45 feet at least."
"I'm a rogue. Move speed 30, cunning action dash 30, action dash 30. That's 90 feet. I can cover the distance there and back."
"Well. There's guards between you and her" "I'll take my chances. I've got a pretty good AC, with your roll to dodge mechanic AND uncanny dodge. I'm willing to risk it to save her"
"There's also 40 guards surrounding her" "They're have 40 guards escorting this 1 random girl? Is she like a princess?" "No, they just really want her kidnapped" "Okay, I guess I'll try to push through them."
The girlfriend interjects. "The BBEG teleports in. She laughs a wicked laugh about how futile your attempts are, and then teleports the girl away".
Oh. Cool. Great. Excellent.
Session ends. Another player messages asking what they missed this session. I respond "nothing that any player had any say in".
2 sessions in. 10 hours of "game play". 0 combats. 0 skill checks that weren't instantly nullified by an NPC immediately anyway (i didnt bother mentioning it, but i have rolled 3 total skill checks, all stealth, and all 3 i was spotted anyway despite getting 23+). 0 decisions made by any player. The DM just tells the party where they are going, asks what they want to do, and then makes an excuse to not let that happen and tells them what they actually do instead.
I would say the DM should write a book, but they can't read.

What goes up in the sky when the rain comes down? An umbrella
In this rainy day I hope to find a kind single childless marriage minded man, who will have place for me under his umbrella.
Please, no low effort messages, fed up with one line messages, it's disrespectful and will be ignored.
Europe, 35 y.o.,168 sm/64 kg, pale skin, average building, long hair. Not too ugly. No kids. No bad habits. Hobbies: books, old movies, cultural events (museum, gallery, theatre). I search for intelligent ma rriage minded man, who has time, romance, opportunities, interest and efforts for me. Who will not demand sex before marriage. Who will never make me to feel, that I'm not good enough for him. Who has respect and will not hurt me. Who is able to take initiative and to write first always or at least tend to it.
I sincerely don't expect other people to live up to my expectations. Those, who seemed to be very close to my description at first, gave the worst contact later, we stopped talking in 5 minutes. Those, who were far from my description (not absolutely far, but didn't match in some points), were very pleasant people. That's why this description is not strict demand in most of points. But definitely that can be red flags for some people, maybe, I'm not good for you, so I just save your time, in case if we are too different.

1. That one, who will want to ma rry me and will be able to meet in real life soon. Please, write in your FIRST message, when you are able to meet, if we match. Yes, it's silly to ask, when it's not clear, if it's worthy to meet in general. But why to start conversation, if no opportunity to meet in foreseen future? Relationship with a big distances demand permanent efforts. 99% of all dialogs will end in houday/week. Maybe, in your current life situation relationship are not priority and you have no time to stay in touch. Then better even not to start.
   
2. I wish to meet that man, who is stable both psychically and in his work. Often someone writes, starts conversation, but later his bad mood, difficulties at his work, unstable psychic begins to ruin conversation. It ends with his ghosting and his "offends". If you can't stay stable for me, please, even don't start. I used to work at very stressful job and understand, how strong pressure and responsibility can be. If you can't control your mood, don text.
   
3. You can live anywhere, if you are ready to make efforts for meet in real life. If you are not ready to make any efforts, date locals. Obviously, when there are real feelings, there is wish to make efforts, but there is certain type of people, who will never do anything, they just entertain here without anything real in mind. Even not able to write adequate first message. They send short one line messages and wait, that they will be pursued, what is maximum disrespect.
   
4. Very important! You are officially single, not in any form of relationship and don't have kids. No exceptions from this rule. For a pity, many people are not honest and hide their status. Relationship, that started from lies, will end soon. Please, don't lie.
   
5. Expect, that I'm not from your country and you will have to travel. If you date only girls from your own country and can't travel, please, don't text. I wish your documents are in order. I wish you have passport or can get it soon.
   
6. I search for honest serious, quiet, logical, intelligent man, who has own place or plan to have it soon and can be a provider. Your age, appearance are not important. I prefer older person, who already knows, what he wants, who's love language is acts of service, not just words. Honesty is extremely important.
   
7. You shouldn't be pushy about having kid fast. If you want many kids, please, don't text. You are heterosexual, no exceptions. Sex is not a main thing in relationship for you. If it is, please, don't text.
   
8. You shouldn't demand to share expenses, because I wish to be stay at home wif e (though I have high education and work experience).
   
9. You can take my problems, as your own and will not run away, when know about my health problem, that demands surgical help (not plastic surgery, but more serious. Not in urgent condition, but if not to do anything, then can become urgent. All papers are on hands, ready to prove that need, when we meet, both in papers and in together visit to surgeon). Why do I mention this? Because 99% of men expect to build relationships with successful, healthy woman without any problems, who will never need any help from him, who will not be a burden in any way, who will stay young, sexually active and healthy forever. Most of men event don't have an idea to do anything real for her. They call that "to be with a girlfriend". So I just save your time in case, if you "want a girlfriend experience" without any responsibility.
   
10. You are able to make voice and video calls in teleg r1am, when I ask for it (of course, after work). If you can't for any reason, please, don't text. Some people are not able to use that messenger for many reason and they tell, they don't have camera, microphone, phone or something else. Before texting, please, check, if you can have it. No, I will not ask you to get any cr1 ypro cur rency and your num ber is not needed there.
    
11. I am very introverted by nature and when like someone, this person becomes almost a center of my world, I don't need any other men, I'm one-man-woman. I wish someone, who is same, one-woman-men. I'm jealous and will not forgive lies and cheating, even very light things like flirting with others. I will not run after any man and will not beg for attention. That means: it is you, who is expected to develop conversation, to text first and to offer something. If you are more in passive position and expect me to pursure you, then please, don't text.
    
12. You will get your own space and time, I try to be respectful and understanding to your needs (until it doesn't include other women).
    
13. Often people hate those, who are different from them, simply just for fact of their existence. So I need someone, who will not be irritated with my existence and hobbies (mentioned it in the beginning). I don't expect you to share these hobbies, but I just ask to be ok with it. It's difficult to imagine, that someone, who is deeply in gaming, sport, cosplay, k-pop will accept me as I am. I can't share mentioned activities, just not my thing. But I definitely will be ok with you doing your hobbies. Even if I can't join.
    
14. Very important ! Low efforts message will be ignored. First message MUST have at least 10 sentences about you and date of possible meet, if everything works. Respect my wish, please. You don't have to be big conversationalist, but a short message is a personal disrespect for me. Hope, you are respectful gentleman and will make efforts.
    

If you feel something common and think, you can be that man, then, please, write me about yourself and let's start our conversation. Thanks for your attention.

TL:DR: I recently tried Fragrance Revival. They can’t match worth anything and seem to be slapping names on bottles to take your money. Classic bait and switch and few scruples. Order through Paypal as they can’t be trusted. They never even acknowledge they are advertising something that smells nothing like they claim and seem to be pasting form letters as responses.
The Long Read: I recently bought something advertised as “Body Shop Wood Musk Type” from their website, which offers an “instant refund” Hi. I just got my order and it smells NOTHING like Body Shop wood musk. it smells heavily floral and cloyingly of roses.
First Refund Request: I can’t even breathe it’s horrible. On the off chance this was an error, you are welcome to send the right one. otherwise, please refund me immediately.
First Response: Hello,
Thanks for reaching out to us.
We are dedicated to replicating or reviving the fragrance you love. Our scent experts gave it their best shot. However, we understand that replicating a scent can be tricky, as some people like the duplication while others do not.
To ensure you get the perfect fragrance, we'd love to offer a few options:

1. We're happy to try replicating the fragrance again at no additional cost to you. You can send us a sample, or describe the scent and what you feel is missing in the current version.
   
2. Alternatively, you can choose any fragrance you like from our collection, completely free of charge. You're welcome to keep the original product as our way of saying thanks.
   

No matter which option you choose, you get to keep the product(s) absolutely free! Consider it a gift for choosing us.
We're committed to your satisfaction. Please let us know which option you prefer, or if you have any other questions, and we'll be happy to help!
Second Request: Hi. I chose a scent from your collection that you specifically named body shop wood musk. Hence, I figured that you would know what it smelled like since you advertise it. Nobody can currently get a sample of it, which was why I was hopeful. What you sent me smelled highly floral and of roses. What musk was very herbaceous, fresh, and forest woodsy with a hint of ambergris, and something else, that I could not replicate. This is not even close to what that smells like which is why I thought it must be an error. If that’s not the case, I would like a refund because there is no hope of matching it. If you don’t already know what it smells like.
you really should take that name off your page because what you’re offering is not even close. I can’t believe that you’ve sold this and have not experienced this response before. Which is concerning. Anyone who is familiar that could tell you that it’s not close. It’s been off the market since the 90s, I’m sure you’ve had plenty of opportunities to perfect it
Will take the option listed on your website, which was a full refund. I could not give away the cent you gave me to to anyone without insulting them. No offense intended, but it truly smells awful. I am not allergic to anything or sensitive to things, but it gave me a headache and was overpoweringly awful.
NO RETURN NEEDED INSTANT REFUND POLICY. Who does that? We do. After being in business for over 10 years we figured out it’s the only way to successfully and ethically run this business.
If you are unable to match it, please refund. Per your policy, above.
Second Response: Hello
Thank you for getting back to us.
We understand the new scent might not be exactly what you were hoping for. Nobody likes a fragrance miss!
But, before you go, we'd love another shot at getting it right. We've learned that fragrances can react differently on each person, and we want to recreate the scent that you'll love.
Here's what we can do:
You don’t need to send us a sample. Just simply tell us what you liked about the original scent and what you didn't like about the new one. We'll use this feedback to create 1-3 small samples tailored to your preferences.
Choose the one that works for you, and we’ll use its formula on a new order equivalent to the original to be shipped to you (you can keep the original bottle too!).
If you're still not happy, a full refund is always on the table. Let us know how you'd like to proceed, and we'll get started on creating your perfect scent!
Best Regards,
Raphael Customer Service Fragrance Revival
Third Request: Dear Raphael:
Thank you for responding. Regarding your request for a description, I literally did that in the email you replied to:
“What you sent me smelled highly floral and of roses. What musk was very herbaceous, fresh, and forest woodsy with a hint of ambergris, and something else, that I could not replicate.”
My concern is that you market this product as “Body Shop Wood Musk Type,” implying that you know what this product smells like already and the fact is you don’t and scent me a product that isn’t close with the apparent intent to get my money and send me something I don’t want.
This is a classic example of “bait and switch.” In addition, you state:
NO RETURN NEEDED INSTANT REFUND POLICY. Who does that? We do. After being in business for over 10 years we figured out it’s the only way to successfully and ethically run this business.
And yet, even though I clearly gave you an opportunity to make it right by sending the correct scent, which any scent expert would know does not match and would realize by my description that the scent provided that you market as “Body Shop Wood Musk Type” is clearly either an an honest error or a deliberate deception, based on your company response most reasonable people would conclude the latter as no expert perfumer in good conscious could claim this scent resembles in any way what you advertised.
In short, neither the scent nor your claim to provide an “Instant” refund have been realized.
Please refund my purchase per your policy by close of business Monday, June 10th.
Respectfully,
Me
https://www.ftc.gov/news-events/topics/truth-advertising
We shall see what happens. If they don’t refund, I’ll request a refund through Paypal. I’m also filing a complaint with the FTC.

TLDR: loving the Botox right now. 40ish year old female.
*****
I got Botox in my armpits about 2 weeks ago for hyperhidrosis. First time treatment. So far, this is my experience. I'll break it down by my treatment experience first. Then I'll break it down on how the outcomes affect my life.
Treatment Experience

• I have never had the worst hyperhidrosis, but enough that it affected my life (more on that later). It only really affects me in my armpits.
• I have visited GPs (GP = general practitioner) about this many times in the past, and they just prescribe me medical strength aluminum that I have to put on once a week. I have tried this a number of times during my life, and it was never effective. When I was 19 years old and tried this, I actually got red burns in my armpits that made me cry they were so painful. Reflecting back, I was probably putting it on too frequently.
• I am originally from the US, and have lived in 5 other countries. I moved to Italy about 1.5 years ago. I visited my GP and asked for a Botox prescription and he happily gave it to me after I described my experience. Though I have access to the public health care system in Italy, the wait times are very long. Like most people, I carry private health insurance as a result. I wanted my treatment before summer started, otherwise I would have had to wait until November for an appointment in the public system.
• My appointment was with a neurologist in Milan. The procedure took about 15 minutes. There were around 20 pokes in each armpit. I have a high pain tolerance. I would rate this a 2 or 3 out of 10. Very pokey. I just took some very measured breathing to calm myself through it.
• The cost was €340 without insurance. My insurance covers the procedure. I have Googled other procedures in other cities and at cosmetic clinics I can see it ranging from 700 to 1,000 for a treatment.
• My neurologist told me that I would feel the effects within 4 to 10 days, and that they should last anywhere between 4 to 9 months. Some people report the effects are gone by 2 months, but he cannot treat me again before 3 months otherwise I can develop antibodies to the procedure.
• I already felt the effects on days 2 and 3, and everything was definitely in full swing by day 4. More on the effects/outcomes next.
• My neurologist did tell me that hands are more painful but all of his patients come back for their repeat treatments because the outcomes are worth the pain. He also offered that if I get underboob sweat that he can treat me there too (I declined this first time).

Outcome Experience First take:

• I would say that my sweating has dropped by 90-95%.
• If I do sweat, it just has a more "normal" acceptable odor to it rather than being gagging rancid.
• I am still wearing deoderant for the 5-10% but I only need to apply once a day. And some days I forget to apply.
• Even if my insurance didn't cover this treatment, I would pay for it out of pocket. I would not visit a cosmetic clinic though because their prices are higher, I would simply visit a neurologist and pay out of pocket for the treatment there (which is what I do anyway, run the credit card and get reimbursed by my insurance company).
• I have not noticed any increased sweating anywhere else on my body, however summer really only just started so will be monitoring/journaling that one closely.

It is almost hard to have known how badly my sweating affected me until after the procedure. Some of my own reflections:

• Ghost Sweat/Smell and Anxiety/Panic: It's going to take me a long time to lose the sweating/smelling panic and anxiety. I have this almost phantom sweating now. I go about my day, I think I feel that I'm starting to sweat, then I panic about "oh gosh, now I'm out in public and I'm going to smell bad and my shirt will be ruined and I will have to change before I go to dinner later and darnit I should have brought my deoderant with me and yuck I hope no one can smell me right now and I'll just keep my arms squished down to tightly pack the smell in there until I get home". And then I do a sweat and smell check - and there is nothing. No wet stains. I smell absolutely fine.
• Wardrobe Options Unlocked: Pre-Botox I would say that I was very limited in wardrobe options. I bought/wore maybe 10% of the possible outfits that I would actually like to wear. Shopping freaking sucked. I would not buy any clothing tops or dresses that touched my armpits. Period. So all of my clothes were either tank tops with a kimono or other cover top I could easily swap out when it got too sweaty/stinky, or very loose t-shirts. Nothing form fitting, ever (except swimsuits and tank tops). Even tank tops I was very particular that the lower portion needed to dip as low as possible, I could not wear any tank tops where the arm pit was tight/touching. It's crazy to think of the wardrobe styles and colors that have been unlocked now.
  • One story I tell my friends was a few years ago I was speaking at a conference of around 100-150 attendees. This is a normal part of my job, I love public speaking and thrive on it. Even so, I will of course get a bit anxious in the 1 hour before I go on. For this specific conference, I had worked with my executive coach to buy a new top that had a pop of color - something memorable - in bright blue silk. Luckily I was staying at an Airbnb about a 10 minute walk away from the facility. After arriving in the morning, within 30 minutes I looked down and I was soaking wet through this bright blue silk blouse, with wide water marks. I was horrified at my rookie mistake. I immediately ran back to my Airbnb, changed into my dull frumpy black top and black sweater, and then ran back to do my speech/panel.
• Travel Packing: Holy heck now I realize how people can travel so light with just a backpack. They can re-wear most of their clothing. I have always needed to bring a lot of change of clothes. Not necessarily bottoms, but tops yes. Because even though I might have the ability to at least hand wash, it may take too long for them to dry before I need to wear them again. So I just pack a little bit more clothes to be safe. Just this last week I never had to do laundry and I was on a 10 day trip, and I re-wore every top I put on at least 2-3 times. Some clothes I never even wore because I didn't need to. I have unlocked so much more possibility for traveling light.
• Cute Airport Looks: I am a person that believes you should look nice when you travel, and since you never know who you are going to meet then you should look your best to be ready for such random encounters. But, I never got to be that person because of my sweating. "Travel Day" (arrival and departure) was always just planned around the outfit that would make me sweat/smell the least. I wouldn't even bother putting on makeup because I felt gross and wet and stinky anyway so why bother? Usually by the time I got to the airport, I was already wet and smelly from going up and down stairs and taking public transportation, just trying to hide it for my flight until I could change and reapply deoderant. But now? I can look cute when I travel. Today I hauled my suitcase to the airport, flew home to Italy from the Netherlands, with no sweat and no smell. I'm really looking forward to finally being able to "dress cute" at the airport and feel confident in myself.
• Intimacy: Pre-Botox I would make my outfit and dating choices around my sweating. I would have to really analyze the situation, the weather, whether we would be sitting outdoors or indoors or in air conditioning or not, if he had air conditioning at his home or not, all to determine whether or not I would go home with him. All of that anxiety about sweating/smelling meant that intimacy was never spontaneous, always planned, which I hate. Additionally, if the stars did align for something spontaneous (perfect outfit choices for the setting) then if I got to his home and realized I didn't have any deoderant with me I would check his bathroom cabinet for spray deoderant. If I found spray deoderant that I could use to top up before getting sexy and to top up again in the morning, then I would stay over. If not, I would leave and go home. Another example of one my crutches: I would always stink in the morning so I would try my best to wake up before him, run to the bathroom and apply deoderant, and then come back to bed before any morning intimacy began.

Overall, 10 out of 10 will get the procedure done again when the effects have worn off.

I've been single for a long time now. I genuinely want to find someone who will help me become the best version of me.
I'm just a woman living on the west coast in the US. I am working full time but taking some time off soon. I love watching movies and tv shows. I like anime and kdramas. I listen to a variety of music. When I'm not working, I play a lot of video games (PC). I play music on occasion too.
I am on a weight loss journey. I lost 30 lbs so far and I'm looking to lose more. I am a bit overweight currently but I'm actively working to fix that. I would love motivation and support as I work towards my goals.
I'm looking for someone with patience and empathy. If we fight, I want to talk about things. I don't like making people guess how I feel. I'm big on communication. I am extremely loyal and I love giving my partner attention. I want to find my forever person. I'm not picky about height or looks. I just want someone who will actually love me for me. I don't mind relocating in the future as I work remotely. I'd like a real relationship and work towards closing the distance in a reasonable time. If you're physically active that would be a plus because working out and keeping each other accountable would be nice. It's not required though. I like family oriented men. I don't smoke. I drink on occasion. I don't currently have any kids but would like some. It's not a deal breaker for me if you don't want kids. Also if you have kids already that's great too. I like people who are funny. I love listening to the stories of others. It would be nice if you also played video games so we could play together but if not that's okay too!
I want to find something real so I'm not looking to rush into anything. I want to take time to get to know you and how you tick. I want to develop a friendship first and connect on a deeper level.
If you made it this far and you're still interested then dm me your favorite song. Let's get to know each other <3

I have tried many strategies to make money in the past but this is the first that has worked for me: the plr affiliate method. (This is a long read so I apologise in advance)
So first things first, what is PLR? I wasn’t sure either until January of this year when I stumbled across a video on YouTube. This is Private Label Rights, this means that essentially you buy the rights to sell something as your own and you keep all of the profits. This can be e-books and courses.
This essentially was a lightbulb switch moment for me. I could get a finished product and sell it as my own and keep all of the profits. I tried creating content myself and created a shopify website and put my finished product ebook in my bio (YouTube any video on how to list a digital product on shopify). I then put the shopify link in my bio, this was not a success and I realised that I would have to think outside the box to make this work.
I had another moment of inspiration, what if I was able to ask social media accounts with an established following to put the link in their bio and I would offer them a percentage of every sale they make (I offered a 50/50 cut). So for the next few days I grinded and sent direct messages and emails to Instagram and tiktok accounts, I mainly targeted accounts with large followings that did not have any links currently in their bio and I have had the greatest success with these accounts. I was able to create the affiliate programme on shopify using a plug called uppromote, there are many videos that explain how to set this up on YouTube.
So why would accounts with large following agree to my proposal despite them supplying all of the following?
The answer is simple, a lot of people have a great ability to create content, but perhaps do not have the business acumen or have the motivation to create a revenue stream themselves. This method provides them a easy solution to this problem.
After a lot of grinding and a lot of messages I had gained clients and five months later I’m at the point where I have 31 affiliates selling my e books and courses in their bio. The total following of these accounts is 8.4 million followers across all platforms - a following I would not have been able to attain myself with my content creation skills.
The numbers, what everyone is here for! This method has generated me $11,000 in profit since January (50% of sales went to affiliates so $22,000 revenue). Things started out slow but are picking up fast, last month has been particularly good, generating me $3,000 in profit from easy and passive income.
Problems and issues I’ve encountered: understandingly so the accounts often want to see the product they are selling before they agree to be an affiliate for the product. I originally had a problem finding high quality products, I am not going to name the website I would recommend for those looking high quality plr on here as I received downvotes last time (I am not going to name it here as I was called a shill the other time I did this haha) but you can send a message to me and I can give you advice on where to look. This website offers a bundle which provides a wide array of high quality finished products that are from all sorts of niches. I have found other plr products that I have purchased to be of bad quality so it is important to find a good website.
I’m sure you are wondering the following question: if you are making money off of this why are you sharing with us? The answer is simple, there are hundreds of thousands of social media accounts with large followings, this method is unsaturated and I figured it could help make someone else’s life a little easier financially.
Why do I recommend this method? 1.) Once established this method is completely passive 2.) You gain exposure to large followings that would take years to build. 3.) relatively low set up costs. The bundle I recommend purchasing is $199 and shopify monthly payments are roughly $50 per month. There are no other costs incurred. 4.) unlimited earnings potential. There’s no ceiling as to what you can earn. The more accounts that agree to become an affiliate for you the more you will make
I hope you enjoyed the read , if you have any questions don’t be afraid to ask them below.

My ex 22M and I 22F broke up about 2 months ago. He broke up with me because of my mental health and incompatibilities. He said he was happy in the relationship but he could have been happier. He told me he didn’t feel like he could be himself with me and he told me everything he was feeling at the end of the relationship. He hangs out with friends now which I encouraged during the relationship but he didn’t because he was busy with work. We were in a long distance relationship because we went to different colleges. We were together for 4 years and started dating our senior year of high school. He told me after the relationship ended that he felt like he couldn’t hang out with friends because of me. Most of his friends are girls and that made me uncomfortable when we first did long distance but I became ok with it after awhile. Plus he didn’t hang out with people in high school so I thought he just enjoyed being by himself(that’s what he told me). He was a really sweet boyfriend but after awhile I did start feeling something was just not right. I couldn’t place my finger on it and if gave me a lot of anxiety. After the relationship ended he just told me everything that wasn’t working and how he thought I wasn’t the right person for him and that’s why we shouldn’t be together. He didn’t think it had to do with him not communicating with me. I guess I just feel like we could have had a good relationship if he did and if not at least we could say we tried. I guess I’m just venting but I don’t know how to cope with us never being together again (he told me we will never get back together). I just need help because I really love and care about this person.

Hi All, I am M(27), I am currently in Banglore and my girl ( 24 ) is in Allahabad, We were in a long-distance relationship
We had been dating for last 9 months and it was going great as well but in January end my family members started looking for a girl for me in an AM setup and I used to refuse every girl as I wanted to marry her and she was also kinda ready but never told me directly. Initially, my girl only initiated the idea of getting married as my Family members had started looking for someone and they were quite active. She told me she wanted to marry me and asked me to talk to my parents first as my parents are a bit strict about these things .
During Holi time we had a fight and it got sorted as well, After Holi, she went to her Mausi's Home for a couple of weeks with her Mummy, And she shared about me with her mausi in the hope that once the time comes she will help her to convince her family specially her mummy and papa about me as we both are from different castes ( She is OBC & I am ST ) .
I also shared about her with My Family members (Bhaiya, Didi, Jija & Bhabhi ) except Papa & Mummy ( as their thinking is still a bit old about all these especially Papa ), as they will understand and help to convince Papa, Mummy for our weddings.
But Once she came from Mausis Home She started behaving differently and things started turning bad , she starts ignoring me my texts and call I had to convince her then she told me that Mausi is saying your papa won't agree for all these and all , Intially the girl only said to me that caste won't be an issue at her home , everyone one is chill and multiple people have gone through Love Marriage setup and also she said if you are such a good guy earning enough and from a Tier-1 Enginnering college , then it would be easy to convince her family not an issue , After listening to all these , then I only got into a relationship with her then only I became serious as I never wanted anything short term or anything.
But after coming from Mausis home, after every 2 days, she was getting changed her behavior and all and she starts ignoring me and every day saying breakup again and again.
I used to do a lot of things her, I am Literally in love with her, This is the first time I fell for someone before that I was focused on my career and family responsibilities so I always avoided dating anyone. Once our family got stable then only I started dating so basically last year only I started dating and she is my first Love, She had a relationship in past for 3 or 4 years.
She was trying to break up with me again and again and I was convincing her again and again
Last month she broke up with me and cut me off fully, The Last time I cried in front of anyone was when I was in class 3 or 4th after that I never cried in front of anyone, even my grandfather whom I loved so much when he died ( I was in class 10th ), I didn't cry, I stopped my tears coming down, now after all these years I cried for her I cried in front of her on phone multiple times to not leave me alone, I was shattered, I was crying all night alone in my room no one was there to tell me or stop me, I live here in Banglore alone in a flat with my flatmates, I was in my room for 3 days straight, didn't drink water for 2 days and hadn't food for straight 3 days, I was shaking and shivering and I was getting sudden panic attacks and sudden burst of emotions, I never cried this much in my life, I was getting suicidal. after 3 or 4 days I got up and went to her hometown to convince her.
Reaching Allahabad was also painful, I wasn't getting any direct flight to Allahabad so booked for Varanasi flight from there took a bus to Allahabad and stayed there for 2 days to convince her. It was such a harsh weather that I puked multiple times in Allahabad in such a hot and sunny weather, as a person who hadn't had food for 3 or 4 days it was hard for me.
I gave her a handwritten note and a flower bouquet we had dinner and she got convinced as well and that night I accompanied her to home and I was happy, but deep down I was afraid, as again coming to Allahabad when you are not mentally and stable and a bit ill as well and you hadn't had food, sleep and all and coming all alone In hope that I will convince her, I even didn't know how to find her as she had blocked me and whether she will reply me on insta or not ? But I was happy that she was okay after meeting me and she was happy and things will be okay, next day I gave her chocolates that I had bought specially for her during my trip to Bali and we talked and had lunch together and things were fine I had plan to go on Monday but since I was not feeling well so I left on Sunday only and left for my Hometown ( Varanasi ) instead of going to banglore .
But after few days she again started behaving the same and within few days it was again came back to normal and 3 days before I came back to banlgore , she totally ignored me like I never existed at all because of that I lost my senses like I couldn't believe and had an minor accident as well because while riding the bike I was so in grief that I couldnt' control my self on a highway I almost had a near to death experience , nothing happened to me just got a minor injury nothing . I stayed for 10 days at home that time , and in last 3 days she totally cut me off and I was shattered and since I am home I couldn't cry as well 24*7 everyone used to be with me only as I was home after a long time ..
I thought before going to banglore Ill go and meet her once again but I had one important project going on so I had to leave for banglore, I was holding my tears for so long that the day I again came back , the moment I sat in the cab for my flat I started crying in the cab I was crying for straight 1.5 hours while way back to my flat , this is also a kind of first time for me crying in front of a random guy . this time I couldn't control my self I cried like a baby in front the driver , I was trying hard to hold my tears and hiding my face, the cab guy understood and he was also behaving like he is not seeing me. once I reached home I cried and cried whole night , I called here msged her she didn't picked my call didn't reply .
So for 7 days I didn't call or text her I was trying my best to be first a stable person , one day one of my friend , she said , jab itna mehant kiye hi ho to ek bar last time try kar hi lo, So I tried again and called her msgd her and but rat ko bat huyi us din to but she was same like earlier stone cold and , she is saying she lost interest in me , ab wo vibes nahi aati we are different and all , also why should I settle for less If I can get better ( her mausi's world I guess ) , she saying mummy bol rahi this kuch Acche riste hai don't worry and all and blah blah , and she in past while breaking up time also said once I was trying and I thinks its not working anymore .
that day I got devasted more, as earlier I thought because of family pressure and caste issue she is backing but this time I got her different side , I still couldn't believe I thought these are her Mummy or Mausi's word not her because the girl whom I know cannot do all these to me she is open minded and a good person and she was the one who iniated the idea for marriage and opening up to our family.
that time meri didi ka ek bat mujhe yad aaya , Didi ne mujhse bola that, ki tum usse pyar karte ho aur Shaadi karna chahte ho , kya wo bhi tumse pyaar karti hai na ?
that night again I cried and again started getting headache and panic attacks and started shivering and again suicidal thoughts started coming.
Now last week one of my friends she told me about one new caffe in Banglore to try out , so we went and we did shopping together , while coming from there she was forcing me hard to go to her flat and was saying she is alone at her place her flatmate she is not there and she was trying hard to convince me for watching Netflix series together and she was breaking the touch barrier again and again I can sense what she was implying so I kept denying not in mood and all so that I can go to my place.
so I came back to my place, and became emotional and sad as I never ever even thought of touching a girl other than her , Since the day I meet her It became so different for me, I lost interest in every girl except her I stopped talking to all other girls from my circle so that she never feel insecure and also I lost interest as well, She is the only girl whom I can think of spending my life or anything . So next day I again tried to contact her , maine call ya msg nahi kiya hota but I coudln't control this time, I cannot think of another girl anymore except her.
I wanted to talk to her , msged her in morning on Whatsapp did some texting but we couldn't talk on phone as she was busy , then again I tried to call in afternoon but no luck then again in evening and again at night time , this time I also lost my patience and maine bhi bhala bura keh diya aur gusse me as a slang gali nikal gaya ( gali uske liye nahi that wo as a slang hi nikla tha ) within a seconds we cut the call she blocked me again and I texted her use bhala bura bola and all usne bola, aaj tumne gali dekar dikha diya and I am proud of my decision and all I also said you used me to get over your ex. and blah blah some random things like you were depressed I helped you overcome this and I also don't want jo har 2 din me palat jata ho apni bat se.
the line that she said na ki, I am proud of my decision , it hurt me , sari rat yahi line meri dimag me chalta raha, I am a overthinker guy, so ye thoda jyad hi hurt kar gaya. Agle din subah maine use snapchat me msg kiya ki mere sath kuch hua tha I felt bad I thought only you would understand isliye tumko ping kiya tha convince karne nahi aaya tha. and sorry for my kal ke behaviour ke liye. bye take care. its been a week and she hasn't read that msg and and I guess unfriend bhi kar diya hai ( waise snapachat usi ke wajah se hi install kiya tha warna I hate snap )
In Past I used to write shayari and poems for her and used to tel her the lines that I used to write for her. I also used practice her favourite songs and used to sing and record and send her. In past she used to to say to me you are a perfect package, anyone would be lucky to have you , she used to say tum gym bhi jate ho , daru waru, ciggrete wagairah kuch nahi karte ho ghumne phirne ka shauk hai family responsibilities handle karte ha , itna kamane ke bad bhi attitude nahi hai , tumse aadha kamane wale ladke bhi udane lagte hai , tum perfect ho and all she used to be very happy with me , rat bhar bat karna and other plannings and everything , I was happy being single but once she came to my life I became more focussed, I still cannot belive she got changed yahi sab sochta hu to lagta hai ki ek bar phir try karu.. I love her.
Now today while talking to my sister she again asked me about her, I told her ki Didi aisa kuch nahi hai bhool jao , Did bolne lagi ki Papa mummy ko humlog mana lenge bas tum ready ho to bata do. maine saf mana to kar diya
but after that I got emotional, I thought I will write a letter and post it and will try to convince again I wrote a long 5 page letter lying right now on my bed but I don't know what to do. Please help me what should I do ?

Synopsis: Markus is summoned from Earth by evil beings looking for a 'weak and primitive' creature to use as sacrificial entertainment. What they got instead was a human. Immediately after arriving, Markus awakens to an ability so rare, so powerful that it makes every god on Firellia desperate to recruit him as their new champion.
Learning to control his innate mastery over mana, Markus will devour the very essence of any monster, demon, or god that dares get in his way, determined to never lose his freedom again.
——
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Markus felt the air slicing right past his shoulder, but the blade never made contact. With an explosion of pain and power, he forced the goblins away with intangible, spiritual force, a white-blue energy emanating from him as he clutched his axe hard, fresh blood leaking onto the handle.
[Mana Capacity at 366%. Overcharge, E Grade is in effect. Growth increased. All physical stats temporarily increased by 75. Physical damage resistance increased.]
[Mana Poisoning II is in effect.]
He stared out at the five targets before him, all of them frozen, inert, watching to see what he’d do next. The injured sword user still stared dead at him, but it wasn’t just hatred in his eyes, no. Not anymore.
There was another feeling in there, one that grew with each passing moment as Markus began to close the distance between them. Now it was his turn to advance, theirs to shy away, to back up, to brandish their weapons wildly in an attempt to deter his hellmarch.
Markus had started off limping, but he soon managed to stand tall. His injuries barely affected him in this state. They still hurt, they still throbbed, they still itched and burned beneath his skin, but the pleasant, stimulating, thrumming warmth of mana flowed through him at full tilt, guiding his motions and giving him clarity of vision, confidence in his gait.
His heavy, deliberate steps crushed the sand below. He was no larger than life, yet a monster of gargantuan proportions in the face of these pitiable beasts.
They swung and stabbed forth with such forlorn intensity, such maddening whines. They sensed the danger, backing up continually even as they continued to try and keep Markus at bay, huddling in a tenuous attempt at a battle formation.
None of this deterred Markus. He could see their attacks for what they were now. Untrained. They’d used their weapons far more than he ever had, yes, but they were still clumsy. Slower than he’d been with the glaive. Moving aside to dodge a sword swing or the poke of a spear was rudimentary at this point. Almost effortless.
Still, dealing at four weapons thrusting in his direction at once was still difficult. When another rock sailed past his head, this one just barely missing due to a split-second reaction, he instinctively responded, chucking the hand axe straight at the far off goblin with the slingshot.
His weapon travelled about ten feet before embedding itself directly in the creature’s chest.
He fell in an instant. There would be no survival, no miraculous return to his feet. One strike was all it took.
He’d given up his weapon. It didn’t matter. Markus had a thousand other ways to make the remainders’ defenses crack.
Shield user was heading up the middle of their formation, which made the most sense, the two polearm users standing at either side a small distance behind and continually thrusting with their spears. The four of them were stood in something almost akin to a V formation, the leader pressing his right arm into the chest of the goblin beside him and encouraging them to keep backing up.
Markus attempted to draw out the Flame Mana within his body. He was still clumsy, still having difficulty with selecting specific mana types to use, and when he attempted to focus his Flame Mana on a point and ignite one of the specific goblins, he found that having a point in Pyromancy didn’t just give him the power to spontaneously combust things.
Well, at least not yet.
So Markus settled for a different method. He attempted to use Manifest for the first time, drawing the Spirit Mana out of his body and attempting to form it into a shape, something long and sharp, resembling a blade or a stick or a poker, an instrument he could use to break up their formation, to make himself an opening. He continued to visualise as he walked, imagining his desired extension of Spirit as best he possibly could and attempting to bring it into the waiting world.
When the object first began to form within his hand, he found it to lack a handle, a shape, a curve, any delineating feature that might mark it as a distinct object, that might give it purpose. As it stood, the object looked something akin to a plain blue quarterstaff, its shape uniform as it lengthened, its colour a consistent, shimmering blue all the way along, complete with white rings that circled its length over and over as it continued to grow in length.
Markus shifted his focus over to Empower. He gave the makeshift weapon a test swing as he began to coat the surface of the ethereal staff in an orange glow, markings both spreading and radiating in each direction of the conjured weapon and warming Markus’ hands. It felt light in his hands, lighter than a baseball bat. Lighter than his glaive. Attunement didn’t apply here. This weapon was an extension of him. He understood how it moved.
There was a collective ‘what the fuck’ on the face of the goblins. They stood their ground, weapons stilled, ready to deflect his strikes as in the background, the announcer went through his latest bout of losing his damn mind at the spectacle unfolding before him.
The crowd seemed to have changed their tune. The cheers and cries of excitement from above were overwhelming—Markus put them out of mind. Stored them for later. Removed them from his focus.
All that mattered now was advancing. Surviving. Winning while he still had mana to spend.
Markus swung forwards with all of his might. Sparks and licks of flame alike danced through the stifling air, roaring upwards as his weapon collided with the middle goblin’s shield, staggering him and shaking all four of them in turn.
He could feel the reverberation coursing through him, but he stayed the course, retracting the weapon and reengaging with a lunging thrust, one leg extended, power and momentum coalescing even as he focussed the tip of his conjured staff into a red-hot tip.
The sparks that flew as the staff collided served as ample kindling, the wooden shield on the goblin’s arm catching flame. He waved his arm madly as he struggled to detach the large slab of wood from his arm, disrupting his comrades as Markus swung forth again, smacking the same goblin again in his sword arm and causing him to drop his weapon, staggering backwards and howling as the flames along the shield continued to spread, threatening to melt his flesh any moment as still he fought to detach it with no arms to do so.
Markus stared at the spreading flame, feeling intention rising within his body as he focussed the same energy he could feel dissipating from the staff after his second strike, retaining the feeling while he still recognised it and aiming it directly at his last point of impact.
The rate of the spreading flames doubled, a roar erupting from the shield as the wood split and frayed, the goblin screaming and throwing himself to the sand below, desperately attempting to douse his shield.
Markus ran forwards the moment their formation was broken. He focussed the leftmost goblin first, this one with a poleaxe, smashing the long staff into its side and then uppercuting the goblin’s chin with the staff’s backend, closing the gap between them in moments and sending the monster flying.
Markus felt a spear strike him in the right arm once more, and immediately felt the weapon he held in his hands dissipate.
Earlier, he might’ve panicked. Now, he grabbed the wooden pole sticking out of his arm before it could be retracted and snapped it in half.
A speartip embedded in his right arm, at least three other stab wounds littering his body, various cuts and scrapes and bruises forming even as he continued to defiantly march forwards, the glowing aura still pulsating and bleeding through his pores even as he bled into the sand, Markus must’ve looked like a fucking nightmare.
He felt like one. He didn’t take pleasure in the suffering of the goblins, but he almost wanted the fuckers to get back up. He wanted to show what came of taking him so lightly.
What he did to every goblin here today, the lengths he’d go to in order to win this, he wanted that to echo through the minds of every sick, terrible creature that thought to torture or torment him, a reminder that while so many might dwarf his power, while so many might make him look weak and helpless now, he would only grow stronger, and he would only get better.
And while Markus survived each horrific encounter he was thrust into, while he learned from his mistakes and devoured his enemies and consolidated his strength, he’d remember the ones who put him here…
And they’d be lucky if they weren’t [Devoured] next.
Markus punched the goblin to his right, swinging a left in a narrow arc. He heard a crunch, watching the goblin hit the floor as Markus adopted a boxing stance, left foot behind him.
He felt weird strange unorthodox, but even with the regeneration and pain reduction flowing through him from Overcharge, he’d still been stabbed in his right arm twice. He couldn’t rely on it for power now, so he was a southpaw until further notice.
That was fine. There was such power even behind his lefts right now that he floored these creatures with almost every strike. Overcharge was no fucking joke.
Not only that, but as Markus swung for shield goblin, who’d finally sprang to his feet and charged him, left arm looking slightly mangled, he realised that his fluidity of movement was only increasing the more time he spent on throwing these punches. He was improving as he went, adjusting to the change in his agility, tanking yet another grazing slash against his torso before kneeing the offending goblin in the face, sending the creature flying back to the dirt.
Pain exploded from his right leg as soon as he did so, and he had to fight to remain balance. He took a couple more slashes as once again he focussed power into his punches and concentrated on trying to take the creatures down, but the more he attempted to repeat the process, the more they kept getting back up, and the more Markus began to wonder what would wear down first at this rate, the four enemies he was fighting or his mana reserves?
He could take more punishment, but he needed to be able to give some back out. A good thrust from one of these goblins could still be lethal, and even if they were a lot slower than him, it was difficult to dodge multiple attacks at once when stood around sand.
Markus decided to change his approach, attempting to coat his knuckles in mana. Manifest created small protrusions at the end of his knuckles as he poured focus into the prospect. They weren’t spikes, he apparently couldn’t be so exact yet, but they at the very least seemed solid.
When he punched with them, he’d expected it to hurt pretty badly, but if anything, it cushioned the blow against what were surely broken knuckles by now. More than that, however, was the effect, a concussive blow that seemed to knock the first goblin he struck silly, allowing for an easy follow-up, and then allowed Markus to take the second one out with a single punch to the chin.
Two down, looking they wouldn’t get up for a minute, Markus singled out a third, the goblin with the burnt, broken shield, charing him and piledriving him to the ground.
He ignored the uncomfortable crunch below him as he drove his fingers into the goblin’s neck, choking and stabbing his fingers into his flesh simultaneously as the creature latched on and attempted to throttle him in turn, claws scratching in final, fitful jolts as the life was forced from his eyes.
Markus managed to drain a little from him and activate [Devour] before he returned to his feet, having only spent moments executing the creature.
As the new power flowed into him, Markus felt a stick smash against the back of his neck. He gasped, sucking air through his teeth as he turned to find the sorry culprit.
It was the goblin whose spear he broke earlier, the one whose metal tip was still embedded in his arm. Markus stared at him. Raised a finger at him, as if he were about to reprimand a child.
Then Markus punched him. The creature once again went flying backwards as Markus continued to rub his pained neck.
It was almost laughable, but this one minor injury hurt more than any of the others. Maybe it was because he hadn’t expected it. Maybe because he’d discounted that goblin from the fight already, disarmed and seemingly out cold.
The other two were still rising to their feet. One the leader, still injured, the other the poleaxe user, using his weapon to help raise himself to his unsteady feet.
He thought Overcharge would make this fight easy. He thought this fight was meant to be easy in general. A showcase of power. More like a showcase of struggle. Overcharge might’ve turned the fight in his favour, but each second of this battle was grueling, even with many of the enemies dead or out of commission.
And these things were pretty relentless. He almost respected the drive these things had to keep going, to stand up over and over no matter how many times he put them down. They must’ve been hoping they could wear him out eventually. He wasn’t gonna let that happen, though. Not while he still had a say in things. All he needed to do was single another one of them out and—
Poleaxe swung past his face, almost giving him a triple-close shave. This weapon looked sharper and shinier than the other gear the goblins boasted, and he didn’t wanna get nicked by the blade, so Markus attempted to once again yank the weapon away from the offending goblin, placing both hands on the pole, but the creature pulled back with such force that it threw itself back to the floor, causing the weapon to slip from Markus’ grip and cut both of his palms on the way out.
The goblin barreled back with his momentum, rolling, but before he could find his feet again, Markus was behind him. A kick to its head pushed it back into the sand, and two more kicks followed by a single stamp solidified the goblin’s defeat.
As Markus turned to face the leader, the goblin kicked sand in his face.
He was immediately blinded, unable to defend himself as the goblin stabbed him directly in the thigh with his short sword and immediately barreled into him, driving him to the ground and pounding his head against the floor beneath repeatedly, biting a chunk of flesh from his cheek as it dug its fingers into his neck, intent on crushing the life out of him once and for all.
This was fucked. He was going to die. He’d made one fucking slip-up and he was going to die! Markus kicked and thrashed with all of his might, but it was all too soon ebbing, and with the size of the creature and its pressure on his chest his legs couldn’t find any purchase. He attempted to move his arms up, to find a spot to drain the goblin from, but he wasn’t going to be able to drain the thing faster than it choked him out.
Markus attempted to wrap his arms around its back, to simply crush it with his enhanced strength, but even when he squeezed with all of the death-defying strength he could conjure, he could barely do more than force a strangled crunch! from the goblin’s ribs.
He needed to break its grip. His thoughts were slowly fading. He needed to break its…
He bit the creature right back, right on its chin, causing it to flinch back just long enough that he could snake his right arm from where it was pinned and grab its left with both his slippery, bleeding hands. He attempted to prize its hands apart, but its focus was too great, its determination too single-minded to give up its endeavour even as he pulled it from his neck with all of its might…
He barely got seconds of breath, only able to break its hold for moments at a time, his neck raw, his gasps pained, laboured, and above all infrequent.
If he couldn’t stop it from grabbing him again every time he pushed its arm away…
Then he’d have to take its arm.
Markus focussed as much of his mana as he still could into his bleeding hands, seeking a means to pierce the goblin’s arm. His world slowed as he desperately attempted to coat his hands in energy, to bolster his grip, to pinpoint an area around the elbow that would allow him to pull at full force without slipping, without allowing the strength to fade from him entirely…
Markus closed his eyes. He was playing tug of war for his life, heart, and soul. Everything he’d ever known and cared about were on the line. Dreams, thoughts, wishes, emotions, all of them drifted by in the miasma of intangible nothingness that gently beckoned him past the epoch, that told him to let go, that told him he didn’t need to worry and fight anymore, that he’d bled enough, that this next breath could be his last…
Markus pulled. He pulled with the scream spilling out from his soul, for his lungs couldn’t carry it, with a bellow that shook the foundations of peace, for even in strangled silence, his spirit was unfathomably loud.
And the world trembled. Heaven’s gates closed. He tugged with all of his might, and above him, Markus heard a sickening snap.
His body flung back into the sand the moment the goblin’s arm dislodged. It stared at him in abject horror, attempting to move its dangling appendage, but seeing an opportunity, Markus moved faster, took advantage of its distraction, forcing the goblin off of his chest and smashing it into the floor.
It attempted to swing for him, but he beat it with more intensity than it could muster, his heart a war drum, lungs igniting with sulfuric heat as he gasped and panted for breath, his very existence a testament to the will of man.
He beat and smashed the goblin with his fists, even through the pain of his broken knuckles, but when the fucker still wouldn’t die despite his many concurrent blows, when it still attempted to claw and bite at him with every spasmic motion of its beaten body, Markus ripped the flailing arm from its side and drove the appendage into his face, able to use his full strength now that his body wasn’t the conduit, smashing the goblin with its own arm over and over in a fervent expression of vitriolic irony, for they’d sent him here unarmed, and now he was very much armed indeed.
The death gasps of the goblin leader were punctuated by bludgeoning strikes from its own broken, mangled, severed arm. Markus leant over him, body littered in wounds, looking as if he might die or ascend to Valhalla at any moment, as the crowd clapped and cheered and roared in satisfaction.
“Yeah?” Markus coughed the word out. He could barely speak. His voice was only scarcely being held together by the tendrils of overwhelming mana. “You like that, you sick fucks?!”
He raised himself to a sitting position, bathed in crimson, looking over the battlefield, staring out at what he’d done.
There was a chance he’d die to these injuries. Even Regeneration surely had its limits. He stuck his fingers to the throat of the dead goblin beneath him, attempting to drain some residual mana from his body, poisoning be damned. He hoped he could at least get something to stem the tide of his many wounds. He [Devoured] the creature’s core, too, just to be thorough.
His focus was broken by the sound of the final goblin scurrying up beside him. It was the one whose spear he’d broken. The one he simply punched away earlier.
It stood holding a short sword, one he must’ve picked up from one of his dead comrades.
He looked at Markus. He poised his body, as if he were ready to strike.
Markus simply stared at him, raising the dead goblin’s arm as he did so.
The little goblin held that position for roughly three seconds, not moving even a single inch, Markus doing the exact same.
It dropped the sword, then ran as far as it could in the opposite direction, crouching and covering its head with its hands as the crowd laughed and jeered.
Markus sighed a laboured breath as the announcer took over, his complete victory having been finally declared for all the rabid, screaming onlookers above.
Good thing he looked so terrifying right now. He was pretty sure one good hit would’ve been all he needed to do him in for good.
Hell, even a bad hit probably would’ve done the trick at this point.
He saw a digital image of himself projected up high, though he could barely make it out through the blurring of his eyes.
He looked as if someone had painted half his body red. He felt as if he’d been ran through a woodchipper.
If I survive my injuries, I’d better get a fucking good reward for this.
Markus would survive his injuries. And he would get a fucking good reward.
//
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I don’t have authorization to share this story, so some of the details will be missing. I’ve tried for the last quarter-century to convince the government to declassify the study files, but these days they don’t even acknowledge I was ever an employee.
My involvement began at twenty, way back in 1997 (I’ll spare you the math — I’m forty-seven). At the time, I was suffering from interminable lucid dreams. You might consider this a gift rather than a curse. Who doesn’t want to control their dream environments? Your subconscious grants you godhood for a brief snatch of time, when the membrane dividing the conscious and unconscious thins to a permeable boundary.
Only, mine extended far beyond the average length. Most experience a few minutes in which to indulge themselves, mostly spent flying, fornicating, or otherwise just meandering in awe. By the time I was a preteen, mine had sprawled across entire nights, subsuming every slumbering moment under lucidity.
You’d think a pubescent boy would know how to busy himself with such a sandbox, but after hour upon hour, night after night, month after month infused with these cosmic powers, I became despondent. Because of the curious time dilation that takes place within a lucid dream, most of my life took place in the lonely confines of my own subconscious. Waking life took on a surreal film and I struggled to engage.
Over the course of my teen years, I tried everything, from valerian root to psychotropics and transcendental meditation. Nothing stemmed the lucidity.
In my sophomore year of college, at the behest of my parents, I enrolled in a sleep study, which involved spending a night at a facility with about a thousand wires attached to my scalp and body. Not exactly the ideal circumstances for a good night’s rest, and yet I still managed to slip quickly into a state of deep sleep. I spent the hours in my false kingdom, populated with my own wild imaginings. A gilded cage for a feckless demigod.
I’ll never forget the look on the attendant’s face when he woke me up the following morning, as if I’d been revealed to him as an alien. Of course, he wasn’t permitted to share the results, so I waited two weeks before I could see the doctor. When I finally sat down with her, she very gently related to me that my brain waves exceeded her expertise — as well as every one of her colleagues.
However, my abnormal mind qualified me to participate in an advanced sleep study involving top scientists in the field. They sought twenty volunteers for their work. Without recourse and desperate to solve my sleep problem, I signed on the dotted line.
I had no idea what I’d just committed myself to.
The initial phase of the “study” involved a month at a desert facility in the remote New Mexican wilderness. I came only with a duffel full of clothes and a couple summer reads to finish before the fall semester. Cell phones were not widely adopted back in ‘97, to the facilitators’ benefit. Had their participants been in contact with the outside world, there surely would have been an information breach.
Despite the ominous location and the facility’s uninviting brutalism, it began with predictable and nonthreatening sleep observance. The uncomfortable helmet of wires was affixed to my scalp for the duration of my sleep, offering the stern researchers a glimpse at my atypical brain. In the mornings, they offered little more than half-hearted smiles and assurances that I was providing them “invaluable data.”
The changeup came during my second stay, when they presented the study subjects with the Pod. It was a hollow metal egg, essentially, that we were told to sleep in. Only, when I drifted off inside the confines of the Pod, my dreams began to mirror the outside world. Instead of visiting my imagined kingdom, I found myself hovering above the silver egg where my unconscious body lay. The shock of it startled me awake and it took the researchers the better part of an hour to calm me back down.
It was then that they finally revealed their intentions. The project sought to explore the connection between lucid dreamers and OBEs — out of body experiences. They believed that if they amplified certain brain waves within the lucid dreamer, they could induce such incorporeal mental projections. Despite the excitement of a new frontier for science and human experience, I rejected their aims, expressing my distrust and fear. In response to my hesitancy, they gently reminded me that I had signed certain documents which entitled them to my time. The tacit message, of course, was that I’d essentially become their prisoner.
Nevertheless, it behooved them to play nice. In exchange for my assistance, they promised they would also alleviate the dissociative effect of my lucid dreams with a drug cocktail they’d been assembling. Carrot and stick.
So we entered the Targeting Phase. Now that we had established OBEs as scientific fact with a series of basic tests that involved projectors reading notes in adjacent rooms, it was time for the next step. The researchers instructed us to stretch our abilities, reaching out into space. This was how I visited each of the planets in our solar system, learned of the submarine species beneath the ice sheets of Europa, the defunct alien outpost on Pluto, and, when my projection achieved intergalactic range, the advanced interstellar empires of the Andromeda galaxy.
But the researchers were conspicuously disinterested in these discoveries, logging them with the same dispassionate nonchalance as a report of a Jupiter storm.
During my third stay at the facility, the researchers held briefings on targets of interest — various points in distant space they wanted their projectors to visit. By then, we’d grown so accustomed to the practice of sending our consciousness at speeds vastly exceeding light into deep space that none of the volunteers questioned the mission.
At first, they sent us to various star clusters, dust clouds, black holes, interested whether we found alien presence in the vicinity. But I had the suspicion these were merely test runs to hone our accuracy in preparation for a more important target.
When they proposed a mission to the Boötes Void, there was an appreciable shift in tone. Despite performing all the same routine, I sensed a greater importance around this particular target.
I had my suspicions confirmed one night when the screams from the neighboring Pod severed my connection with NGC 1300, returning my perception to my body with an alarming jolt. I rose out of my egg to see a host of researchers crowding around the woman I knew only as Participant Twelve, since they barred us from sharing personally identifying information. She sat up in her Pod, eyes squeezed halfway out of her skull as though prodded from the inside. “It’s there!” she cried. “It’s there and it sees me! Oh God, it sees me!”
“What saw her?” I enquired. “Where did she go?”
None of the researchers paid me any attention, but P-14, scrubbing sleep from his eyes, answered, “Twelve was first to visit the supervoid.”
“God, he sees me and he won’t let go!”
Suddenly, her body went rigid, then convulsed. The researchers hauled her out of the Pod and carried her off to the medical wing. We never saw her again. Whenever we asked about her, the facilitators scolded us for seeking personal information. We weren’t trying to identify her. We just wanted to know if she was alright. If we were going to be alright.
They sent the projectors one at a time to the void, though each one came back having missed their target. That, of course, was a lie. They had intentionally misfired. We’d all heard what happened to P-12 and that scared the hell out of everyone.
When my turn came, the researchers warned they would punish me if I failed to accomplish my task. They knew I was more than capable, had shown myself to be a reliable projector for them, much to my chagrin.
As I dozed off, employing the tactics we had developed over the course of the program (which I will abstain from relaying to you, as it might engender an undesirable response from the study’s facilitators), I targeted a star system found on the border between the Ursa Major Supercluster and the Boötes Void.
As my consciousness materialized in the vacuum of space, I felt an ineffable sense of dread. As if experiencing the collective fear of a thousand vast, intergalactic empires crying out into oblivion. No, for oblivion. It’s difficult now to express, as when I hovered there on the verge of that immense nothing, I was joined with something, a consciousness much larger than my own. A sort of bubble enveloping the Boötes Void, a cognitive shield, a mental warning sign cautioning me not to trespass.
There was some communication that transpired between my own consciousness and that of the dome encasing the dark. In summary, I was told that within the void lurked an incomprehensible evil — or what I now translate as evil, because I think at the time the sensation of language transcended human invention, which lacked sufficient vocabulary to describe what occupied the Boötes Void.
There are seventy-three galaxies inside the supervoid, of which sixty have been discovered by earthbound astronomers. Each one of them is a facsimile of another, a replica. Among them is a perfect recreation of the Milky Way, complete with all its lifeforms. I was given this bit of information by the mind that enfolded the void. When asked for what purpose and by whom, it explained, “Its motives exceed your comprehension.”
At the conclusion of our dialogue, I peered into the darkness and sensed a great eye peeling open, holding me in its malicious gaze. Before I shrank away, I felt it reaching out for me, inviting me to stay.
I returned with enough material to spare me the researchers’ rebuke. They conducted three more expeditions to the Boötes Void, each using another participant, each ending as disastrously as Participant Twelve.
The last visitor returned mute, with black eyes. Within days, he lost all his hair, teeth, finger- and toenails. He refused to eat and spent his final hours using the keyboard he’d been given to communicate with to write a single line ad infinitum. “He is the prince who ate the king and all his subjects will invert themselves for all eternity.”
He died one night in his Pod when its wiring short circuited and plunged the entire facility into a fifteen-hour blackout.
The participants were sent home the following day and to my knowledge the facility closed down. The program dissolved and I received a meager compensation for my time as a projector. Two years later, after raising a stink, I received a prescription for a medication specially delivered to my local pharmacy that did finally put an end to my lucid dreams.
But in their place, I have nightmares, and lately they’ve gotten worse. Of a great eye’s malevolent gaze, watching, tirelessly watching. I have the terrible feeling that whatever we discovered in the Boötes Void wants now to ensnare us, and I fear it will, first in dreams, then for eternity. Which is why I’m telling you this now, because the government refuses to warn you. If you dream of a dark god reaching out for you, hide yourself.
Because he longs to invert you for all eternity.

Hi everyone,
My roommate and I have been living together for 3 years, but we've been friends for 10 years before that. We moved to a bigger city to chase our dreams and opportunities, which we were really excited about. Let's call my roommate Sarah. Initially, things were great—we cooked for each other and spent a lot of time together. During the pandemic, Sarah struggled to find a job, and since I work in healthcare, I helped her get a job at my workplace.
At the time, I was in a long-distance relationship, and the plan was for my boyfriend to move in with us by November. This would help split the $1500 rent three ways. However, by November, my boyfriend was still undecided, so I paid $1000 while Sarah paid $500. He finally moved in December but left soon after, and we broke up in March. It was a tough time for me, both emotionally and financially, and I struggled with depression.
Despite my efforts to keep things clean, there were times I left dishes out, which upset Sarah. We moved to a cheaper place that summer, but it only had one bathroom. My depression deepened, and Sarah became more critical of my cleaning. She left notes, and although I explained my depression, she seemed unsympathetic.
Things worsened when I lost my dad. I spent more time alone in my room, trying to cope. One time, I put a small vacuum in the kitchen to make cleaning easier for me. Sarah got upset, saying it was in the way and slammed the cupboard door into it, ranting about how she did all the cleaning. Her notes became more frequent and critical.
Then, Sarah's sister moved in "for a month" but ended up staying for three. This pushed me further into depression since I felt confined to my bedroom while they took over the living room. I asked if her sister could contribute to rent, but Sarah claimed she couldn't afford it, even though they took an expensive trip to Vancouver.
In May, I reached a breaking point and asked Sarah to move out by October so I could live alone and save our friendship. The lease was ending in July, and I explained my mental health struggles and need for space (And to give her some time to find a new place). Sarah snapped, saying, "We can coexist if you do your part." I told her her expectations were too high for me and that I needed the space to cope with my dad's death. She accused me of using my dad's death to get what I wanted, which hurt deeply. I ended the conversation by saying, "My dad is dead, Sarah," and walked out.
Sorry for the long backstory, but I felt it was important to share the full context. Thanks for reading.

Would like to know how the following violates the scary personal experience rule:
I don’t have authorization to share this story, so some of the details will be missing. I’ve tried for the last quarter-century to convince the government to declassify the study files, but these days they don’t even acknowledge I was ever an employee.
My involvement began at twenty, way back in 1997 (I’ll spare you the math — I’m forty-seven). At the time, I was suffering from interminable lucid dreams. You might consider this a gift rather than a curse. Who doesn’t want to control their dream environments? Your subconscious grants you godhood for a brief snatch of time, when the membrane dividing the conscious and unconscious thins to a permeable boundary.
Only, mine extended far beyond the average length. Most experience a few minutes in which to indulge themselves, mostly spent flying, fornicating, or otherwise just meandering in awe. By the time I was a preteen, mine had sprawled across entire nights, subsuming every slumbering moment under lucidity.
You’d think a pubescent boy would know how to busy himself with such a sandbox, but after hour upon hour, night after night, month after month infused with these cosmic powers, I became despondent. Because of the curious time dilation that takes place within a lucid dream, most of my life took place in the lonely confines of my own subconscious. Waking life took on a surreal film and I struggled to engage.
Over the course of my teen years, I tried everything, from valerian root to psychotropics and transcendental meditation. Nothing stemmed the lucidity.
In my sophomore year of college, at the behest of my parents, I enrolled in a sleep study, which involved spending a night at a facility with about a thousand wires attached to my scalp and body. Not exactly the ideal circumstances for a good night’s rest, and yet I still managed to slip quickly into a state of deep sleep. I spent the hours in my false kingdom, populated with my own wild imaginings. A gilded cage for a feckless demigod.
I’ll never forget the look on the attendant’s face when he woke me up the following morning, as if I’d been revealed to him as an alien. Of course, he wasn’t permitted to share the results, so I waited two weeks before I could see the doctor. When I finally sat down with her, she very gently related to me that my brain waves exceeded her expertise — as well as every one of her colleagues.
However, my abnormal mind qualified me to participate in an advanced sleep study involving top scientists in the field. They sought twenty volunteers for their work. Without recourse and desperate to solve my sleep problem, I signed on the dotted line.
I had no idea what I’d just committed myself to.
The initial phase of the “study” involved a month at a desert facility in the remote New Mexican wilderness. I came only with a duffel full of clothes and a couple summer reads to finish before the fall semester. Cell phones were not widely adopted back in ‘97, to the facilitators’ benefit. Had their participants been in contact with the outside world, there surely would have been an information breach.
Despite the ominous location and the facility’s uninviting brutalism, it began with predictable and nonthreatening sleep observance. The uncomfortable helmet of wires was affixed to my scalp for the duration of my sleep, offering the stern researchers a glimpse at my atypical brain. In the mornings, they offered little more than half-hearted smiles and assurances that I was providing them “invaluable data.”
The changeup came during my second stay, when they presented the study subjects with the Pod. It was a hollow metal egg, essentially, that we were told to sleep in. Only, when I drifted off inside the confines of the Pod, my dreams began to mirror the outside world. Instead of visiting my imagined kingdom, I found myself hovering above the silver egg where my unconscious body lay. The shock of it startled me awake and it took the researchers the better part of an hour to calm me back down.
It was then that they finally revealed their intentions. The project sought to explore the connection between lucid dreamers and OBEs — out of body experiences. They believed that if they amplified certain brain waves within the lucid dreamer, they could induce such incorporeal mental projections. Despite the excitement of a new frontier for science and human experience, I rejected their aims, expressing my distrust and fear. In response to my hesitancy, they gently reminded me that I had signed certain documents which entitled them to my time. The tacit message, of course, was that I’d essentially become their prisoner.
Nevertheless, it behooved them to play nice. In exchange for my assistance, they promised they would also alleviate the dissociative effect of my lucid dreams with a drug cocktail they’d been assembling. Carrot and stick.
So we entered the Targeting Phase. Now that we had established OBEs as scientific fact with a series of basic tests that involved projectors reading notes in adjacent rooms, it was time for the next step. The researchers instructed us to stretch our abilities, reaching out into space. This was how I visited each of the planets in our solar system, learned of the submarine species beneath the ice sheets of Europa, the defunct alien outpost on Pluto, and, when my projection achieved intergalactic range, the advanced interstellar empires of the Andromeda galaxy.
But the researchers were conspicuously disinterested in these discoveries, logging them with the same dispassionate nonchalance as a report of a Jupiter storm.
During my third stay at the facility, the researchers held briefings on targets of interest — various points in distant space they wanted their projectors to visit. By then, we’d grown so accustomed to the practice of sending our consciousness at speeds vastly exceeding light into deep space that none of the volunteers questioned the mission.
At first, they sent us to various star clusters, dust clouds, black holes, interested whether we found alien presence in the vicinity. But I had the suspicion these were merely test runs to hone our accuracy in preparation for a more important target.
When they proposed a mission to the Boötes Void, there was an appreciable shift in tone. Despite performing all the same routine, I sensed a greater importance around this particular target.
I had my suspicions confirmed one night when the screams from the neighboring Pod severed my connection with NGC 1300, returning my perception to my body with an alarming jolt. I rose out of my egg to see a host of researchers crowding around the woman I knew only as Participant Twelve, since they barred us from sharing personally identifying information. She sat up in her Pod, eyes squeezed halfway out of her skull as though prodded from the inside. “It’s there!” she cried. “It’s there and it sees me! Oh God, it sees me!”
“What saw her?” I enquired. “Where did she go?”
None of the researchers paid me any attention, but P-14, scrubbing sleep from his eyes, answered, “Twelve was first to visit the supervoid.”
“God, he sees me and he won’t let go!”
Suddenly, her body went rigid, then convulsed. The researchers hauled her out of the Pod and carried her off to the medical wing. We never saw her again. Whenever we asked about her, the facilitators scolded us for seeking personal information. We weren’t trying to identify her. We just wanted to know if she was alright. If we were going to be alright.
They sent the projectors one at a time to the void, though each one came back having missed their target. That, of course, was a lie. They had intentionally misfired. We’d all heard what happened to P-12 and that scared the hell out of everyone.
When my turn came, the researchers warned they would punish me if I failed to accomplish my task. They knew I was more than capable, had shown myself to be a reliable projector for them, much to my chagrin.
As I dozed off, employing the tactics we had developed over the course of the program (which I will abstain from relaying to you, as it might engender an undesirable response from the study’s facilitators), I targeted a star system found on the border between the Ursa Major Supercluster and the Boötes Void.
As my consciousness materialized in the vacuum of space, I felt an ineffable sense of dread. As if experiencing the collective fear of a thousand vast, intergalactic empires crying out into oblivion. No, for oblivion. It’s difficult now to express, as when I hovered there on the verge of that immense nothing, I was joined with something, a consciousness much larger than my own. A sort of bubble enveloping the Boötes Void, a cognitive shield, a mental warning sign cautioning me not to trespass.
There was some communication that transpired between my own consciousness and that of the dome encasing the dark. In summary, I was told that within the void lurked an incomprehensible evil — or what I now translate as evil, because I think at the time the sensation of language transcended human invention, which lacked sufficient vocabulary to describe what occupied the Boötes Void.
There are seventy-three galaxies inside the supervoid, of which sixty have been discovered by earthbound astronomers. Each one of them is a facsimile of another, a replica. Among them is a perfect recreation of the Milky Way, complete with all its lifeforms. I was given this bit of information by the mind that enfolded the void. When asked for what purpose and by whom, it explained, “Its motives exceed your comprehension.”
At the conclusion of our dialogue, I peered into the darkness and sensed a great eye peeling open, holding me in its malicious gaze. Before I shrank away, I felt it reaching out for me, inviting me to stay.
I returned with enough material to spare me the researchers’ rebuke. They conducted three more expeditions to the Boötes Void, each using another participant, each ending as disastrously as Participant Twelve.
The last visitor returned mute, with black eyes. Within days, he lost all his hair, teeth, finger- and toenails. He refused to eat and spent his final hours using the keyboard he’d been given to communicate with to write a single line ad infinitum. “He is the prince who ate the king and all his subjects will invert themselves for all eternity.”
He died one night in his Pod when its wiring short circuited and plunged the entire facility into a fifteen-hour blackout.
The participants were sent home the following day and to my knowledge the facility closed down. The program dissolved and I received a meager compensation for my time as a projector. Two years later, after raising a stink, I received a prescription for a medication specially delivered to my local pharmacy that did finally put an end to my lucid dreams.
But in their place, I have nightmares, and lately they’ve gotten worse. Of a great eye’s malevolent gaze, watching, tirelessly watching. I have the terrible feeling that whatever we discovered in the Boötes Void wants now to ensnare us, and I fear it will, first in dreams, then for eternity. Which is why I’m telling you this now, because the government refuses to warn you. If you dream of a dark god reaching out for you, hide yourself.
Because he longs to invert you for all eternity.

I’m (28F) losing my drive, sexually frustrated and disappointed. I know this is long but please what does a woman do from here?? I’ve never been in a relationship where my drive is higher
We’ve been together 2.5 years. We have sex maybe once a month, twice If I’m lucky. Ive always been very attracted to my boyfriend and he meets my emotional needs. I’ve always had a higher sex drive than him. The frequency and quality has been a constant throughout our relationships which is not often and not for long. He has gotten better but still cannot last more than a few minutes and sometimes goes soft between positions or never gets hard at all when I touch him unless I specifically say something about being in the mood. I didn’t have any issues at first because I really just thought it would take time to explore that together and “practice” for lack of a better. I also honestly thought that when I moved in with him and we saw each other more it would improve then also.
I have brought up the conversation of sex multiple times, first asking if he wasn’t attracted to me or if it didn’t feel good (his response was that it has nothing to do with attraction, he finds me sexy, but that he has performance anxiety, and intimidation from maybe lack of experience. ) I try to be very mindful of my responses to not make the situation worse bu also ask questions to understand better or figure out how we can solve it.
I know what I like and have shared that with him ( more foreplay, different positions to try, I like when the man leads, blindfold/handcuffs ect) and guide him if needed. When I ask him what he likes or what turns him on ( because every relationship is different) I was always met with an almost shy “I don’t know, it all feels good”
Another time I brought it up he said something along the lines of having Low T, he isn’t active because he has a desk job and hasn’t been working out and is more focused on finances so sex isn’t a priority. Understandable, he honestly is in survival mode more and more each year with pay cuts from switching jobs in this economy and job market.
I have bought different lubes, toys, Viagra ( which he was open to and we’ve tried it only once and we both thought it was great. I thought wow this might actually really help pick things up off the ground. I’ve since suggested a few times we try it again, but he hasn’t
He has made comments at the end of the day when we are laying in bed out of the blue “ I know you want sexy time together but I’m so tired, I’ll get you tomorrow” and never does. I’ve worn lingerie a few times spontaneously and set the mood and while that very obviously sets the night up I would love it if he also took charge and made me feel desired/wanted.
This sounds like I’m an overly sexual person but I’m not nor do I really have sexual trauma either. I don’t think I’m vanilla either, I have C/D cup breast and a pretty good ass too. I’m 5’2, 150ish lbs currently. Probably gained like 20 pounds during our relationships so Im a little over weight in my mid section but definitely not very fat or obese. I make bomb ass food for us, I work full time standing on my feet all day long, I pay all my own bills, I pay a little “ rent” every month, I contribute with groceries and house things and going out to eat, I go to therapy, I work on myself and try to communicate my needs, I’ve been vulnerable with him and opened my heart up. I support him in whatever he wants to do even his expensive hobbies, we tend the dog, chickens, housework/yard work together, I tell him thank you and that I appreciate him often, we have traveled a bit to different states and a few countries together. We try to make each others life easier and better with little things throughout the day/week. We compliment each other, and outside the bedrooms he is the masculine man that I love, he is assertive and confident and does provide a lot and is pretty attentive and kind and wants to make me happy but this area of our life I feel helpless and stuck. I love him and want to connect, it’s a natural and important aspect of any romantic relationship.
I would be thrilled if we could be intimate once a week but it’s been once a month maybe twice a month for a while now.
He has gone down on me once with oral ( 3ish months ago) and I’ve given him oral twice since. I waited to do so because I was already feeling one sided and I know it sounds silly but BJ’s is the one area that kind of intimidate me. But I actually loved it and after the first time I bought flavored lube to try out and shared my pleasure about it with him and he was of course happy also.
In between all this, last fall he made a wierd comment while I was rubbing him down that it would feel good to get a ball massage for like an hour, not sexually just like a back massage but for your balls. . Well alarm bells went off immediately and a few weeks later I was looking at his text messages and he had recently messaged an escort asking about services and what her schedule was like. He never responded to the last message and they never set a date and time. I brought it up to him and said I’m not proud I looked at your phone but I had a hunch and it was right. I shared how hurt I was especially because I’ve been actively trying to improve ours and communicate about it and he messages a fucking escort. I told him that I’m not okay with that at all, that to me it’s a form of cheating and I feel betrayed. I asked if they ever met up and he said No I would be too nervous to actually do anything, it was just a thrill of excitement. About a month later I walked into his office one night and he was actively watching porn. I stood there for a second while he scrambled and was embarrassed. I turned around and went back to bed. I was shocked because I didn’t think he was watching porn ( My ex husband had a porn problem and I’ve shared this with him, but with my ex he was more aggressive and was always hard/high sex drive so I was naive to think he didn’t watch porn when our sex life sucks and he doesn’t seem interested)
like what the hell? I’m literally right here in front of you a real person who WANTS to???
I believe he probably uses Reddit for porn. Whether it’s when he is in the bathroom on the toilet for 30 min at 4am or 8am or 8pm I don’t know it doesn’t really matter but it’s not helping and out sex life that’s already tanking and I don’t think he cares. He says he wants to make me happy and he is aware of my needs but nothing changes and I want to feel desired or like the man I’m dating is not just a glorified roommate. I don’t think I would care if he uses pork on his own if our sex life was better, but I hate it because he obviously uses that to get his needs instead of connecting.
Last weekend I was so frustrated, I was reading Gottmans book about Intamcy and took what I was reading later when we were talking about plans for dinner and I flirtatiously said what if we spent some time together tonight to nourish our bodies;) He got the message and said don’t worry about fter dinner tonight we’ll spend time together. I made dinner, we watched a show together, he went upstairs to finish some work so I was getting ready for bed and he never came to bed. It was like 11pm or 1am I don’t remember and he said In so sorry I had some work to catch up on but we will in the morning ( He was leaving the following day for a work trip) we never did in the morning either. He left, came home a few days later for one day, left again for a few days during which I was also out of town for 2 days. I got home and since then he has been extra sweet and kind, we had some intimate time together which I loved and at the ends his same response is always “ I thought I had it this time, I really thought I was going to last longer but it feels too good”
This isn’t a case of lack of communication either, I don’t make him read my mind about anything but dammit I’m tired of asking for it, being the one to bring it up, the one to imitated the interest, but if I don’t it’s like he is clueless and satisfied anyways from porn. Do we go to therapy? Do I cut my loses and nove on? Is porn not the problem??

There will be a lot of folks here who might give me advice on my morally wrong decision on being in this relationship.. or whatever is happening is Karma.. but I m past that and request your inputs on this particular relationship of mine
Part 1:The back story we both met 12 years ago at a common friend's party. We hit if off instantly. I knew he was married and I was engaged to be married. With a few weeks we grew really find if each other. He said he wasn't happy in his marriage and wanted to be with me. As my wedding drew closer, I begged him to take the next step. He did not do it stating his family will be devastated. But it broke my heart I went ahead and got married. I did not speak to him for a long time
Part 2: after about a year we bumped into each other and he said he still loves me and we are meant to be together. I cheated on my husband with him and believed that this is what was meant to be. I was going through some personal stuff as well at that time. So at the start of this affair i wasn't as expressive and as giving physically but he was totally into me. All was fine we didn't meet up much but we're constantly in touch we would speak every single day and decided in some time we ll find a way to be together.. this went on for 2 years I eventually started trusting him more and was completely head over heels in love with him he also was making all the effort to be with me and shower me with love... Then one time when we were together I felt something was off he was on his phone all the time and msges were popping up from another girl whose name I had never heard from him. I asked him to show me who he was chatting with he immediately deleted the entire chat... We had a big fight about it and eventually he convinced me that he loves only me.. I forgot about this as things were all rosy between us.. until one fine day his wife reaches out to me and tells me about all his msgs to this new girl - to let me know that she knows about me and I m not the only one.. eventually I find out about this relationship he has been having with this new girl for about 3 months all the time while he was with me. And she is 12 years younger than him. He had no clue about his marriage nor about me. Infact he told her I was after him and he was never interested in me. I confronted him and the new girl together and he blantantly lied n said he never had any feelings for me ever and he is happy with the new girl. A lot of nasty things conspired after this. Which affected my mental health
Part 3: after a few months we again bumped into each other at a social gathering he approached me to apologise all that he had done and how he was ashamed of everything. He had broken up with the new girl because it created a lot of complications eventually. He said how he loved me and never stopped thinking about me I did not believe him at all .. initially... And told him what all he made me go through after a few weeks we were back together and then I again got a bit suspicious about him being very friendly to this common friend of ours who was 10 years younger than us.. so new girl 2. But he promised there wasn't anything. But I did see a few suspicious msg notifications .. he obviously denied after a few months of us being together he said that he would first want to divorce his wife then take things ahead while he loves me he needs to sort that so we better not be together till then. I was again devastated as I was in love with him and the fact he came back I thought he finally sees my value ... This really really broke me I went into terrible depression n took 6 months of to work on myself n heal
Part 4 : again we bump into each other at a party and he convinces me that he loves me n was waiting for the right time for us to be back together n he has a plan on how we will be together for ever. I had worked on myself for last 5 years after he had broken up on me and was very happy in my life but I don't know why I again beleived him and got into a a relationship. I told him I want perfect honestly so tell me if he ever was in a relationship with the new girl 2 he denied it for a good 6 months ... I believed him and we were really happy together... But something in my mind was not accepting I checked his phone and saw his old messages. He was very much in a relationship with new girl 2 for 4 years.. and after we had gotten together in part 4 he was in touch with her n did send some romantic messages to her while we were together. I was shattered he said it was over between them but she was upset so he was just trying to be nice ... It really really hurt me ... It took me sometime but I forgave him again ....
Now that we are together I see him put a lot of effort to be shower me with love and be affectionate with just me and not do the things he used to do earlier but he is still with his wife and is not able to get the divorce I m pestering him for it but things aren't moving as I would like them to move ...
I sometimes see him get close to some women who are younger n feel insecure about what if he leaves me or gets bored again n hurts me so I put all sorts of restrictions and it's beginning to affect us and more importantly me. He does these things and when I express my displeasure it becomes about him and feels like he is victimizing himself...
I m feeling I m not longer the person I was and it's affecting my mental health but I still love him and am not able to get him to understand how wrong his actions are n how it's affecting me and how he should be extra cautious because he has put me through so much shit

Because home is wherever my favorite person is I have come to find and I don't really have one of those right now. So no matter where I find myself no matter how new and different it seems, that I feel a bit lost and my home isn't quite satisfying or comfortable enough for me.
So I go for a lot of walks and I talk to a lot of people and I hope one day I will find a woman who never shuts up like I do and genuinely wants to ramble on for hours about anything with me.
I am very chatty and hyper and open. Some people would call it over sharing but I simply call it being honest about what I am thinking. I am highly empathetic and can tell how someone feels long before they ever tell me and you won't find many men more emotionally intelligent than me.
But I will leave you giant walls of text and I love getting more of them back and if you don't talk much then I'll probably lose interest honestly. Personality is what I find sexy and while I can not say looks don't matter at all, I am not asking for a model.
Just someone real, and honest, and open. Someone who has been through a lot in life like me and just wants some peace for a change.
I always thought I would make a cool ass dad too so if you're child free we can be friends, but I want children one day and it is a deal breaker for something long term.
Which is all I am interested in. A real, heartfelt relationship that lasts. I don't care for flings or relationships based only on sex. I am very intimate and very much enjoy the sexual side of a relationship, but it is far from the biggest reason I want someone in my life.
I want a real companion and best friend first who just so happens to let me touch her butt too.
I live a simple life and work as a host and a waiter for a living so I basically talk for a living. So I would hope I am decent for one by now.
So if you like the sound of a tall white guy with freckles and an infectious smile, who smokes a bit of weed and loves a good joke as much as he does a dark, serious story, and who is supremely loyal and caring, then we would get along.
I don't think I am amazingly handsome but I wouldn't call myself ugly either and I am in decent shape too because I walk at least 15 miles a day. More if I work and love to get out and do things.
Also I can cook for too so you may as well just already make me your boyfriend.
I'm not in a rush though. I'm just new around here and want to see what my luck is like on here.
Have a lovely day either way.