Chapter 1: the event
It was the fall of my intern year as I bean my off service trauma rotation. This month was ubiquitously notorious for being the most labor intrusive and least productive rotaion of our emergency medicine program. Knowing this I entered with the intention of simply surviving the month.
Another intern and I let’s call them A for sake of ambiguity, we’re the first emergency medicine residents to roste on the trauma services that year. A shaky start would be an understatement. In the words of chance the raper “like my grama with the Parkinson’s playing operation.” Would better describe it. Medically we did well. We were very competent and completed our work daily, but communication and coordination was non existent. Our Cheifs had informed us that Tuesday was our day of and the Trauma cheif residents had minimum communication with us, or our Cheifs as it seams when A and I did not report on Tuesday they sternly made their dissatisfaction known.
I have struggled with insomnia sense the age of 10. Had 2 sleep studies by this point in my life and been prescribed nearly every sleeping aid on the market. The 80-94 hr work weeks of our trauma rotaion only worsened my insomnia. My lack of sleep likely contributed to a less than prime adaptive immune system and 2 days out of my trauma rotaion I contracted strep like symptoms with associated nausea, requiring me to call for a sick day the next day. No the first day that I felt too ill to work. I was not fully aware of the reporting process. I reported to my Chiefs, but I did not believe I could come to work tomorrow with amble time and notice, however I was somewhat delayed in letting their Cheifs know, because the surgical chiefs rotated every few days and I did not know who my was going to be the next day. The second day which I had to call out sick I was able to locate the cheif for the next day and reprot according to our university’s protocol, which requires that if a resident feels they are not fit for work they must not come in and the university must have staff coverage without any fear or implementation of punitive actions.
I had finally survived to the last week of my trauma rotaion and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. What I could not see was the pile of stress, shitty diet, lack of mental well ness and sleep deprivation which I was pushing down to reach the light. By this time I had seen a psychiatrist regularly for sleep medication. I had mentioned to him that I had been experiencing more stressed lately and feel that I might be depressed. he reassured me that it was likely only due to my circumstances, given the difficulty of the trauma rotation and wish to reassess once the rotation was over. Looking back I had to fill the habit of drinking more than I usually do. My only on nights before I have days off became 1-2 beers every other night. All of this repressed unhealthy shit finally pushed bad on September 23rd. That night I was at work even later than usual, I stayed up later than usual and couldn’t seem to fall asleep. With the stress of only having minimal sleep and knowing I only had 2 more days of trauma left, I took an extra dose of my sleeping medication.
I opened my eyes to the fighting sight of sun beaming in my window and I instantly knew I was late. (Sense I hadn’t seen the sun in a month) . Due to my need for scrupulous sleep hygiene I have been sleeping with my phone of and away for me. I rushed to grab it and watched as the little Apple logo seamed to glow on the screen for an eternity. Then in conjunction with its fading I saw 3 missed calls from my director, a text from college A and 2 missed calls from the surgical director. Still, I was able to calm myself, knowing that resident A had been late to this rotation by a few hours 2 other days and nothing came of it. I called my director back and he asked me to report to his office where I was greeted by my director, my coordinator and another emergency medicine facility.
With the only explanation of: “we just want you to get better”, I was handed a letter, to my relief it did not entail my termination, but a declaration of administrative leave and a requirement to undergo an evaluation at a well known university in Florida.
Lake any other savvy millennial, I did my research. By research I mean numerous google searches and screeches thru the depts of redit. To my dismay I discovered that in order for a residency program to fire you, they must first initiate an administrative suspension. I would soon find out however, being terminated would have been a delightful outcome compared to what ensued.
I spend the next few weeks in the wallos of regret and depression. I indulged in higher qualities of alchohol then I ever have before. I all but ceased communing with peers, and abruptly stoped any physical activity I had once enjoyed. Frightened as I was I was ensured, it will be ok “we just want you to get better”
Chapter 2 The evaluation : guilty until proven innocent I did exactly as instructed and scheduled an evaluation, I supposed that this was either a mental evaluation to assess if I’m fit for work with plans of termination or it actually was an evaluation to better treat my insomnia. To this day I regret my ignorance, and wish I had researched the process more. The Hindi / sand-skrt idea of Hamsa 🪬 is that in order to do any good you must have full knowledge or else good intentions can result in harm. I truely believe my director had good intentions, however but him and I did not have full knowledge of the nature of this evaluation.
Looking back see how easily I could have avoided my troubles by asserting legal aid at this point or even by researching this evaluation process more in depth. If one searches impaired practitioner program which I now know this evaluator works for, the search entire will populate 5 or 6 layferms along side their home website and there is a valid reason for this.
If one every finds themself in this process I employ you to bring a DSM to your evaluation or at least be familiar with the most common use disorders in the DSM-5, because your evaluation will turn into a dance of questions where the evaluator attempts to trap you in a round about way to stating something that may qualify for one of the diagnosis. I have provided an image from the DSM-5 below outlining AUD, which the evaluator concluded that I had the most severe from:
Image
Example***** Here are 10 examples of how he fraudulently assessed me taken directly from his assessment note.

1. Evaluator: Have you ever stoped drinking in the last year.

Me: yes I stoped every week day, I was only drinking on the weekends, until two weeks ago.
-Evaluator uses stoping and starting every week to qualify for 2 or more unsuccessful attempts to stop in the last year “There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control alcohol use.”

1. Evaluator Have you ever had withdrawal symptoms

Me no
Evaluator Well Have you ever had a hangover? You know that’s a from of acute withdrawal
Me: yes in college, I had a few but that was years ago and I’m pretty sure the pathophysiology is different.
Evaluator uses this to count for withdrawal symptoms even tho is was more than a year ago

1. Evaluator: Have you even taken your sleeping medication on a day or night which you drank? Me: Yes, I took my prescriptions are prescribed but I never drank close to bed

Evaluator: qualified this as dangerous behavior with alcohol (where the DSM gives examples such as unprotected sex and drunk driving). The sleeping medication I was on is not a benzodiazepine therefore it is not deadly with alcohol. I personally have seen many patients in the ED who have taken their entire bottle of the medication and drank copious amounts, we just monitor them over night and rehydrate them

1. Evaluator Has anyone told you you drink to much or been worried about you Me: No I drink much less than my friends

Evaluator what about your girlfriend? Me: well she actually doesn’t drink at all she doesn’t like it. She often buys me beer for The Weeknd’s tho. One time we went to a movie and she got a little irritated because I waited for beer then complained about them not having any craft beer. So she said, “you couldn’t have just said no” and drank something else. However, she apologized after and said it’s worth waiting if it’s my only day off.
Evaluator said this qualifies for continued drinking despite causing significant relation consequences, ie divorce.

1. Evaluator : you have sleep issues I hear, and your chart says you’ve had depression in the past, don’t you know that alcohol can effect your sleep and mood Me: yes that’s why I never drink within 3 hours of sleep.

Evaluator but you knew this and still drank
Evaluator: qualifies for drinking despite unwanted physical or psychological effects (this should be recurring to effects the alcohol is causing, I have had insomnia sense the age of 10 long before I took my first sip)
7 evaluator you were late for work and told my you had a drink the day before
Me: Yes but I was late because I didn’t sleep and took double my sleeping meds, I will never do that again
Qualifies for 2 significant work or school issues in the past year ( a therapist and other psychologist ensured me that being late on or a few days doesn’t count they typically are getting fired or failing) ( moreover, this would assume I was late do to drinking it’s self and also assume if happened more than once)

1. • Alcohol is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended

He never once asked anything related to this question yet said I qualified in his final report 9. A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain alcohol, use alcohol, or recover from its effects. The evaluators logic here was sense I was late for work and I had 2 beers the day before I must be taking long to recover from it (this is assuming I missed due to alcohol)

1. Tolerance drinking more to require the same effect: this he checked as true in his final note however it was never even discussed in our evaluation. I did mention to him that I’ve been drinking more than I had earlier in the year frequency wise, but they said nothing to do with quantity or needing more.
   
2. Wanting to drink so bad you can not think of anything else: this is the only qualification of SAUD my evaluator said I did not have.
   

Moreover, without legal help I was not aware that I could obtain a second evaluation or even oppose going to get evaluated at all, but that wouldn’t have mattered seeing I still thought this was for my health and wellbeing as seen when I was asked why do you think you are here to today, to which I replayed “so that I can be evaluated to see what is needed to get back to work”.
To maks the ordeal more infuriating the evaluator continues to ingratiate himself and lie through the process telling you, “it will be fine as long as you are 100% honest”, “anything you say in here is between you and me” or “you slipped up once with your meds, I know your residnecy program they will probably just want a few more out patient tests”
Two weeks later I received a phone call right before I left for an out of state vacation to visit my nice for her birthday. During the call I was informed that I would be required to complete a partial hospitalization program (PHP) lasting “6-10 weeks” which would coast from 15-50 grand not including doctor visits or housing which is billed separately. I suppressed this inconvenience, enjoyed my vocation and reported when I returned, knowing that I must complete this soon so I may return to work with due to the fact that my payed time off would soon be diminished. At this time I had not yet heard of the organization PRN.
Chapter 3 Guilty till proven innocent: The diagnosis
Shell shocked I arrived to a in patient psychiatric unit and was rapidly cleared to progress to treatment without detoxification. During my 90 day of forced rehabilitation I met a few other individuals who were unjustly and fraudulently forced into treatment. I began to look up to one of these such members of the men’s community, who I will refer to as patient X for ambiguity sake.
Unlike me patient X did have alcohol use disorder. He spent many clinic days drinking to avoid alcoholic withdraws. The curious component of his story is that he admitted his depravity, saught help and through his own journey became sober. The bodies at be, namely his local physician, Health monitoring program, rejected his personal path to sobriety and forced him to undergo 90 days of in patient treatment before he could practice medicine again. When he checked in to rehab he had been sober for over a year.
Ask for Stories of people from online
As for me I spend many sleepless nights pondering how consuming a legal substance in a moderate amount could throw me into significant legal financial issues. My labs my toxicology, my story and my collateral from colleagues from colleagues all indicated light to moderate alcohol use but my evaluators word stood as the word of God.
More frightening was the director of this rehabs acknowledgment of this. The director who happens to also coincidentally be the evaluator, stated to me as well as to staff on multiple occasions: “ I suggest inpatient treatment for everyone who is reported”. “This is safer for me not to miss anyone who could harm patients, and I figure there must be a reason someone reported them.”
I am still elucidating the reason why I was determined guilty and proven innocent, however I can say from my 90 day stent that the majority of the patients at this rehab needed to be there. This program is saving lives of both providers and patients, however it is destroying the lives of those wrongfully accused.
Chapter 4 your lisense rehab or jail : Upon arivil I was sent to a detox hospital underwent a medical examination and was “one of the lucky ones” who required no detoxification and could report directly to PHP. Like everyone else, I spent 90 days in a PHP, being as 6-10 weeks is simply a lie they tell patients to decrease the change of resisting the treatment. When discussing the topic one therapist sated “if we told patients 90 days they would never come.” She then attempted to justify the treatment by outlining the story of a patient she had called who “didn’t make it to treatment” and killed themselves”. It is my belief that it is not the lack of PHP which impelled such professionals to take their life, but them realizing that they now will be obliged to undergo 90 days of PHP, 5 years of PRN monitoring with a loss of autonomy and hundreds of thousands of dollars taken from them that induced their hopelessness. For even if these professionals were truly mentally unstable in their addictions, in every case it was only following a phone call where they were informed they must undergo treatment that they took their life’s. By this time I still haven’t the slightest clue what PRN was.
Despite the security these programs provide for many my 6 main issues with them can be summarized in : 1. Kick backs: evaluators are directors of treatment clinics 2. The reported are guilty till proven innocent 3. The price, the overflow of money these places drag in from both patients and state universities is appalling, they charge separately for every visit and test 4. Although they make the claim that they are individualized, they are anything but. Every patient gets the same stay and treatment from the doctor drunk on the job and the one who was late to a shift 5. They force voluntary treatment. remember that friendly evaluator who promised he had your best interest at heart, so you opened up and told him everything about your substance use/ developmental / family history, well if you don’t stay for 90 days he will be “normally obliged” to tip the board of medical off to you.

1. The programs have overstepped their intended jurisdiction. -these programs work well if they function how they were intended at their inception. Cite original purpose. Originally these programs were designed to protect physicians and civilians from impaired practitioners; being healthcare workers who were impaired at work. Over the years, these organizations have extended their authority to encompass individuals with substance use disorders When not at work and also those who are in training to become healthcare professionals. Take for example myself compared to a physician who is impaired at work. A doctor who arrived for duty under the influence would surely benifit from the extensive testing, therapy and accountability enforced via these programs. In accordance the 20,000$ per year cost is appropriate when only making up roughly 7% of their yearly salary vs nearly half of a residents. In my case with my loss of income from employment, coast of treatment and monitoring, this year I will be required to pay 20,000$ to work. Yes, I will be losing money to work. Even if did indeed have a substance use disorder this level of monitoring wouldn’t not be considered appropriate.

Dispite all of the miscomings of this System My time spend in PHP was indeed helpful, as I believe it would be for anyone. Time for exercise, a reprieve from work and weekly counseling. A sample structure of my day to day schedule is provided below for insight:
Structure The general structure of these rehabitation centers is as follows: 1. One week of orientation phase, where you are not allowed in electronics or contact with the outside world world. Therefore, if you’re going, bring some things you would like to read or study. 2. In phase 2, you can use your phone however you cannot leave campus. You must stay in the dorm on campus. These shitty 1 room run down apartments with two other roommates will cost you about $1000 a week, they are required for at least four weeks and they are billed separately, no insurance will help you out here. 3. In phase 3 you can commute to campus if you beg your therapist and live very close. Whether you’re on campus or living off-campus, you are allowed to leave up to four hours per day. If you commute, you’ll be required to take a sober link decide you must Breath, alcohol test into every 6 hours. Like everything else in this program you must pay for this separately, a few hundred dollars a week. You advanced to other phases by completing assignments, however, assignments are limited by required built-in time, intrusive, scheduling, and reviewing. Therefore, if you do everything as rapidly as possible phase 1 will take one week phase 2 will take three weeks.
Every day schedule:
7:30: wake up, report to the front desk to inform them that you haven’t ran away yet and take and prescribed medications. They keep all your medications and require that you report to take them; for me this was antidepressants in an attempt to dispel the depression I contracted from being forced into treatment and whatever off label medication they were attempting to treat my ADHD with, since control medications were forbidden.
8 am: community group assessments This consisted of other patients presenting their assignments amongst the large group, on the weekends this was often an hour later and 12 study regularly took the place of assignment presentation.
10 am: process group. This was a two hour group therapy session with 6 to 12 other professionals in a therapist and training or occasionally a licensed mental health therapist.
1 pm: recreation This was generally about an hour of some sober themed craft or activity. Once a week this time slot was used for yoga.
2 pm: this was another time slot used for patients to present assignments as well as for individual therapy sessions. Each patient had one individual therapy session lasting 30 minutes per week.
3pm: This was time allotted to work on assignments or go to the gym on your sex specific scheduled gym day.
5pm: this time was used for guest speakers or another 12 step study group.
6 pm : this was generally an off-campus 12 step group
10 pm: report to the front desk and let them know you still haven’t ran away and take and Medication which are prescribed to take at night, then return to your cot bed in your room with 1-2 other roommates.
I found the community to be one of the most beneficial aspects of the PHP program. I was in a cohort of chill ass professionals of the same occupation who were always there to help each other.
Assignments The curriculum of the PHP consisted of assignment based on every step of the 12th step program. Generally, a patient would be required to complete an assignment on their own, review it with other patients, then faculty and finally present the assignment in front of the whole treatment group. You’re only given one assignment at a time and there are multiple steps to each which all requires scheduling this ensures that no matter how determined a patient is a full 90 days of treatment is required to complete all the assignments.
AA structure -the obsolete nature of AA has been verified in numbers studies, but I will refrain from divulging here and lend that endeavor to Dr. Lance Dodes very thorough discussion on the subject,in “the sober truth “
In all sincerity, if I truely did have a severe use disorder this experience could have been life saving. I only wish I could have used my 50 grand for someone who has spent their life time In addictive without reprieve. My first conversation when I was given my phone back was how I wish my father could be able to attend this PHP.
Chapter 5 reporting and PRN Self reporting What they ask you What you should tell them
There’s a third-party agency called professional resource network. Every state has their own. This agency works as a liaison between you and whatever credentialing service your occupation requires. Essentially they ensure your monitoring after treatment. Stake governments and licensing boards trust them, mainly because they monitor with the highest level of intrusiveness. This alleviates much work for state governments and licensing boards because once an individual is being monitored by a professional resource network, then they are deemed appropriate for duty and no further investigation/litigation needs to occur, as long as the monitored individual completely complies.
Because I was never impaired at work I was never reported to this agency. The general workflow of things someone would report you to professional resource network, then the resource network would contact you, and then you would be required to report for an evaluation at a treatment center, which would inevitably result in a suggestion I’ve treatment at that given treatment center. In my case I was sent to the treatment center without PRN being involved. Thus, two weeks into treatment. I was notified by my therapist that I needed to call PRN and self report. I attempted to resistance given that I did not have a problem and was not individually seeking help. I asked what happened if I didn’t self report. I was told that in order to stay in the treatment program I had to report to PRN. This meant either I report to PRN or I get kicked out of the treatment program and lose my job.
When you report to PRN they will ask you why you are in treatment. They will then list off every substance imaginable, asking you if you have ever tried the substance and when your last use was. Ultimately, they will obtain your discharge information from your treatment center, so it is in your best interest to report only what was found in your biochemical testing. If it wasn’t in your hair, I would argue that you don’t have a use disorder regarding that substance and it’s not relevant. I don’t believe it’s important for them to know that you smoked weed when you were 12.
Chapter 6 The contract:
Before being discharged from a treatment facility, a professional resource network will have you sign a contract. A little known fact which I was oblivious to is that contracts can be negotiated. Though this isn’t it possible, it is highly improbable that you can negotiate your contract since PRN has a power to delay your clearance to return to work.
Contractor almost never personalized, and I have not heard of a contract which is not a five-year agreement. You will sign releases of information so that PRN has access to all of your information which was gathered at the treatment facility. You must have a therapist, psychiatrist, primary care, doctor, and a addiction, medicine psychiatrist. You assign releases of information for all of them. You will be required To commit to: 1. three mutual aid meetings a week which you must log. I log smart recovery meetings. 2. Weekly therapy sessions with an approved mental health therapist from their list 3. Monthly doctors appointments with an addiction medicine psychiatrist 4. Yearly appointments with a primary care physician 5. Monthly appointments with a psychiatrist 6. Daily check-ins on a random drug testing app ( you will agree to weekly urine tests, a peth test 4 times a year, a hair test twice a year and a little caveat that says anything else they deem, clinically reasonable) 7. Quarterly update reports which you are required to obtain from a workplace monitor, therapist, addiction, medicine, psychiatrist, primary care physician and any other doctor you are seeing. 8. You must upload all of your prescriptions into a mobile application every single time you get them refilled and are not allowed to take them until they are approved. 9. Attendance of a PRN group via zoom. This is a local group you are assigned along with other monitored practitioners. There is a fee of roughly 130$ a month to attend this required group. For me all of these requirements coast around 20,000 a year. If you ever have a positive test even if it is the result of contamination from rubbing alcohol or unintentional ingestion of alcohol/ allergy medication your contract will rest to 5 years from the time of positive test. Once your five year contract is completed, you must ask to be released from monitoring. At that point they will search for any reason to keep you under monitoring. This could be dilute urines, daily check ins or a week where you did not attend mutual aid meetings. Every certification and license which you apply for will likely ask you if you were under a monitoring program/ have been treated for substance use. You must give an explanation and check yes. As far as licensing programs are concerned, if you were under the monitoring of PRN, you are safe, however they group practitioners who have had behavioral issues with practitioners who were diverting drugs from work. Therefore, keep in mind that you will be labeled as a sever addict.
7 Back to work and only work. During treatment your only goal is to return to work, however when you return your experience will be drastically distinct from what you remember. For me, I was now working in isolation. Missing six months of my training meant that no other Resident was on the same rotation as me. My coworkers at all formed friend groups. When I returned I was greeted with much concern for my well being. No one would speak to be about my absence, however everyone knew there is only one reason a resident would leave for 6 months then return. My Accdeemic meetings were consisting of attending telling me “I have a target on my back now” and “ I have to preform even better than others” in the light of my time missed. If this wasn’t alienating enough, the majority of Resident events, sponsored by recruiters and my university revolved around alcohol to which I had to give some excuse to why I can not partake with others. I’m fortunate that I do not have an addiction, because these stressful conditions along with the daunting amount of dead and requirements imposed by PRN are enough to make any addict relapse. While I was at treatment, I was in the dative with Samyr stories a physicians whose addictions got the best of them. Physicians who did not make it to treatment, often taking their own life. These stories were presented as a warning. Your addictions will kill you without our treatment was the message. When, in reality I did not hear one story in which the addiction killed physician. Every physician who didn’t make it to treatment took their life after being told they must report to a treatment facility. Perhaps they knew what this entailed and it was not their addiction or getting caught which caused them to end their lives, but the unmanageable and often unreasonable burden that treatment would put on their lives.
9 How to escape So your fucked your in PRN and should be or you should and now your recovered and want to terminated your contract.

1. You ask to be released early done at 1/2 time ( good luck)
2. You have “good reason” (no one has ever been let out of contract because of this reason, the verbiage is far too vague)
3. You serve all your time and they let you out(maybe, as discussed earlier, they would do everything they can to keep you in your contract as long as your practicing)
4. You can’t practice medicine anymore

10 Layer up butter cup : I cannot emphasize the extent to which legal help is required in this process. You much seek it and seek it early. Lawyers can provide many avenues to you early in the process. Once you have committed to treatment, gone for evaluation or are in a PRN contract , this is very little that you or legal help can do. Spend a few thousand dollars when you are accused and save the 20-30,000 later.
After you have been evaluated if you disagree as I did, then this is the process you must undergo. 1. Hire a occupation, defense, lawyer 2. Prove you don’t have an addiction, this is done by having an alternative evaluator with similar credentials state that either you don’t have an addiction or that PRN’s level of monitoring is not medically appropriate ( this will need to be a multi day neuropsychological evaluation, which will cost about $5000). 3. Your lawyer must draft in writing that the medical level of monitoring is not required such as another medical professional and send this to PRN 4. PRN will tattle on you to the board of medicine. 5. The board of medicine will conduct an investigation. 6. At the end or when they believe they have enough reasonable evidence to the board of medicine will suspend your license or claim, you must comply with the PRN contract to practice. 7. At this time your lawyer will defend you in the state court against the board. This is costly but much less than the coast of a 5 year PRN contract 8. If you win you will likely suggest an alternative level of care such as gonna get therapy every week. If you lose, than you wasted a fuck ton of money and are still bound by your PRN contract.
Overall this entire process has coast me Over all coast:
My finances for this year only including PRN and rent are as follows:
120-200$ every week for testing 480-800/ month
65 every week for therapy 195/month
125 every month for PRN group
About 50-69 every month for 2 doctor apts
So at least 745$/month at the lowest
Treatment at the recovery center coast 20,000 for me out of pocket and
I wasn’t payed for 6 months with no FMLA because I am a first year. At the 1 year mark I will have made 26,000 this year after taxes And payed About 29,000 on PRN alone
Rent is 1,000 so that’s 12,000 a year
Just in rent and PRN alone I will be at 26,000- 41,600 -15,600.
I will be in debt by at least 18,000 at the 1 year mark
Coast of treatment center 20,000 (with insurance) For each year of PRN roughly 20,000 Add that to 6 months of attending salary which was delayed due to my treatment time: at least 150,000 Layer coasts along with other evaluations 25,000 Missing 6 months of residency pay 30,000 Coast of 1 year in monitoring: 245,000 Coast of 5 years 325,000
If my case progress to a trail I will require an extra 20,000 in court coasts
Chapter 11 My secondary eval: Dr sushi After I arrived at my treatment center I challenge my evaluation multiple times. Each and every time I was discharged and often accused of alternate mental health/ substance abuse issues to discourage my advances. I was never given the opportunity to undergo alternative assessment, however PRN guidelines state that you can obtain a second option within 7 days of your first. This is a mute point, however, because you will not receive the results of your evaluation until over a week after it is conducted and the second evaluation must be conducted by another PRN hired evaluator of their choosing. During my stay in rehab I contacted PRN multiple times to attempt another evaluation/ legal help. They warned against both stating they were a “waste of money” and “pointless”.
After completing my treatment with the guidance of many addiction, experienced physicians, mental health counselors and psychiatrists recommendations I sought in a secondary evaluation. I chose a highly qualified professional with over 30 years of experience to conduct an extensive neuo psycho social evaluation of me. One that I was sure would be more extensive than the evaluation I received at treatment and more importantly an unbiased evaluation.
The results from my evaluation not only showed that I did not have a substance abuse problem warranting PRN level monitoring, but also that PRN was falling to allow adequate treatment of other conditions such as my ADHD. My evaluation showed my ADHD was not only untreated by PRNs attempt at using non controlled medication, but also in the top 3% most severe presentations of ADHD. My evaluator went on to explain my results by questioning why my treatment center even mandated I undergo neuro cognitive evaluation. The only neurodiverse findings were my IQ, my dyslexia and my ADHD. However, a neuo cognitive examination can be billed separately by treatment centers, therefore they always recommend one.
Chapter 12 Amongst its greed, intrusive nature and faulty accusations, professional recourse network function highly proficiently at the task they were designed to; protective physicians and patients from physicians who are impaired at work. In this domain they save lives, offer second changes and protect the public. When they act beyond their intended jurisdiction by imposing unnecessary monetary demands on practitionersin training, accuse practitioners without proof or act on behavior exemplified outside of a work setting they unjustly and inappropriately attack the week and innocent.
Proposed reform: As a trainee my universities malpractice insurance covers me for mistakes made at work. If a learner mistakenly harms a patient, then the university stands on their behalf. If the learner does something wrong under a teachers direct guidance, then the teacher is at fault. This makes sense logically as well as pragmatically. The state entrusts large amounts of money to hospital systems and universities to train resident physicians. A portion of this money is allocated to malpractice insurance. This should extend to accused impairment.
Suppose a training university was required to cover rehabilitation and monitoring of a resident of whom they claim is impaired. Alternatively they have the option of firing the trainee. This would reduce the number of innocent trainees being accused of impairment, make the process of rehabilitation more fair and provide a better use for tax payer derived dollars, which hospital systems are given to train residents. The truly impaired could still seek help, less false accusations would be made and with the employers having the ability to fire at the moment of impairment, there would be less chance of impairment at work.

Im M28 and my partner is F27. We’ve been living together for 5 plus years now in an apartment. Recently, I think she gaslighted me - it’s a sunday, I woke up late as I streamed and played a game late the night before.
She woke me up as she cooked eggs and as I was eating, she already finished eating then told me to get up and get the clothes outside. Im fine with it initially as I asked her if I can just finish my eating then I’ll do that. To my shock, she said it cant wait and it’ll be quick. I was asking her if she was joking and as she was leaving to the room she said she wasn’t and closed the door.
I stood up, stopped eating, and followed her to the room asking if she really was joking because I’m still eating and she said she wasn’t. She knows this would frustrate me and I was disappointed and frustrated already I told her why it cant wait as Im still eating, I was asking her what’s with the rush and stuff but she just ignored me and opened her laptop to watch netflix. She ignored me and I was really frustrated. I stopped eating completely, got the hanging clothes outside (which is shaded by the way), I even hanged the newly washed clothes from the washing machine and washed the dishes as well.
We are ignoring each other for about a week now. I still do my normal routing including my solo walks every afternoon and lately it’s been giving me clarity and a moment to think if this relationship is worth it. Of course, this is not the first instance that this happened and recently I just got laid off from my work and it’s too much stress for me to handle. She knows that it takes a lot for me to get through my family problems, recent career problems, Im also not getting younger and the future worries me as I still can’t buy a house or be financially stable to provide for my future family. There are also other instances where she knows it will get me mad and frustrated so she does it or says it. There are also instances where she told me something but when I confirm it with her, she denies it when I really remember that she said it. Another instance which might seem like a little basic is when she gets cold water from the fridge and she returns the glass of water empty or only halfed - I told her to always refill it so we can drink cold water since we dont have a water dispenser and only relies on putting water in the fridge to make it cold. Whenever I ask her why the bottle is empty or halfed, she always denies its her and it’s obviously just the two of us in our apartment.
I’m not perfect but I keep on telling her I just need peace of mind and for us not to fight and I can continue to fight life and get my stuff together but she is not helping. I have been also waiting for her to initiate and apologize but she appears to be okay even singing (We stay in one room). It’s like she does that care.
Since I’m working from home, I recently tried to work in cafes to get a different environment and think more and she has not sent me a single message to apologize or anything. Her work is only a 3 minute walk from our apartment.
NSFW: Don’t know if this helps but our sexual relationship is pretty normal I think, we have sex like twice or thrice a week (more frequent maybe 3 times or more a week when she’s safe) and just 2 weeks ago she was safe and we just had sex and she says it’s amazing but most of the time I finish before her (about 15 minutes or less I think - she has a nice body I really can’t help it). Last month she also opened up about wanting a sex toy (dildo) and I bought her that and she asks me if I like it when she uses it when we’re making love and I say yeah. Our most recent sex, she made me go outside the room for a couple of minutes then when I went inside she was using the dildo and I made her orgasm with the dildo while licking her clit. Then we do the usual sex without the toy. I noticed however that she denies having orgasm from the toy when I literally see it then she wants the toy removed and she wants my d inserted the .
Tldr: Is my girlfriend gaslighting me? She doesn’t respect my time of eating and she also has been ignoring me and does not appear to care for the past week.
Thanks in advance for thoughts/inputs. Would like to apologize for any grammatical errors if any - Im kind of winging everything right now.

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So, I would like to have your opinion:
I am a recovering alcoholic.
I did closed therapy in the winter of 2022. When I came back, I asked my boyfriend to stop drinking at home to have my "safe place".
He didn't respect that. I relapsed in the summer of 2022.
Another 3 month therapy followed this time.
My boyfriend has never stopped drinking and has still not respected my request that there be no more drinks in the house (he also has an alcohol problem but (according to him) he had no problem and it's me who has a problem, so he continued to drink.
I went back after 6 months of abstinence.
Since then, I've started drinking again and I'm not getting better. I can't afford an other therapy, I went back to school (I'm 37) and I have to work in the summer.
I feeling that I felt.
He makes me feel guilty when I drink, he moralize me, threatens to leave me.
I feel so alone and misunderstood I made so much effort and I still do today but the fact that he gives me no more love (because he told me yesterday that he was experiencing my relapses like a betrayal)
I always return to the bottle and get more and more bogged down. I don't know what to do anymore.
Am I wrong (I know that I am the only one responsible for my decisions, however I believe that his attitude is not "helpful".
I wonder if it would be easier for me to get back on track without him.
I beat myself on the head enough as it is, I don't need a lover who does it too.
I believe in love, non-judgment and kindness.
His behavior towards me gives me the impression that he is somewhat responsible for my self-destructive behavior.
I have often wanted to leave him but I cannot afford it. There is a housing crisis here and I could never afford a single one.
I'm lost but I would like to know, am I wrong to believe that he doesn't help my efforts to stop drinking, because of his attitude, or am I the only one responsible?
Thank u, english is not my first lnguge sorry for the faults.

I work no less than 50 hours a week and often will do work at home. My job is a lot. my boss is kind of insane and the culture is toxic. It is a great stepping stone but I am planning my way out. about a year ago i started hooking up with one of the higher ups. i work at a hotel so we would hook up in one of the rooms. he is married and technically my boss. i never expected it to happen and in the beginning of us flirting i told myself to stop. one thing led to another and we eventually started hooking up. there were some weeks we would hook up 3-4x a week.
i clearly have my own issues but because if it being such a toxic environment he became my safe space. it ended about two months ago and i now have to work with him. i also suspect he is hooking up with my boss. it is a mess and i feel dumb for even involving myself with him but it happened. i will never hook up with a married person again and a coworker no less. i also hate to admit that it makes me sick knowing he is most likely hooking up with my boss. both of them are married both put their jobs first before their families. it makes me sick thinking about how i fell for him and it makes me sicker that i get upset that he’s probably hooking up with her.
this was a ramble but i needed to share.

(continuation of part 2)
III. e) The Mobius FF x FFVII collaboration
Alright, back to our suspension world-hopping! Let’s visit the realm of Mobius FF, —more specifically, the collaboration between Mobius FF and FFVII—, where I found the most substantial evidence for my theory.
In case you’re unfamiliar with the Mobius FF (MFF) world and games, let’s begin with a bit of a summary of the parts relevant to us. The story takes place in a world called Palamecia, to which people from other worlds are inexplicably summoned. The vast majority of those who are brought there don’t remember anything from their worlds of origin or their lives before Palamecia except their names: these amnesiac people are called Blanks. The main character is Wol, accompanied by a guiding fairy of Palamecia named Echo. Echo knows a lot about the mechanisms of Palamecia, as she’s tied to the realm. The leader of this world is Vox, a being who manifests only as a voice. The first thing all Blanks remember before they wake in Palamecia is Vox telling them the rules of the realm. Incidentally, the crystals of the MFF world are teleportation crystals.
III. e) i. Devs’ Statements
Let’s review some of the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration devs’ statements before diving into its story.
For both the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration and the Remake project, Kitase took on the role of producer while Nojima supervised the screenplay and wrote the scenario. The project leader was none other than the Remake trilogy’s Hamaguchi, who told a SE interviewer the following:

“We would love for you to play the [MFF x FFVII] collaboration event as you look forward to [Remake’s] release” (“Celebration of the Overseas Release of the Steam Version and FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE Collaboration Event”, Square Enix).

He later hints at the collaboration’s storyline:

“This collaboration is focused on Cloud, so the other characters will not make an appearance. Players will join Cloud, who has gone astray in Palamecia, on his adventures and see how the story unfolds based on his decisions. Content-wise, FINAL FANTASY VII fans will surely become fraught with emotion as events unfold in-game (laughs).”

Kitase concurs on the emotional aspect of the collaboration in the same interview:

“When it comes to the story, I seek two things– ‘mystery’ and ‘[…] emotional impact’.”

Clearly, fans of FFVII are supposed to react emotionally to the events of the collaboration. With these statements in mind to give us perspective, we can get into the plot points relevant to our analysis. MFF x FFVII Remake comes in two parts, the relevant plot points of which I will describe and analyze one at a time.
III. e) ii. Eclipse Contact
1) Fact-Finding
Part one of the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration event is called Eclipse Contact. It came out in 2017 on Aerith’s birthday, February 7th, and its release campaign ran until March. In Eclipse Contact, Palamecia welcomes someone new: Cloud Strife appears in the realm with very little recollection of his core world of FFVII.
Cloud isn’t a Blank, since he recalls the mako reactors in Midgar upon his arrival in Palamecia, and also remembers that he was hired by Avalanche to blow them up:

“Echo: How did you end up in Palamecia?

Cloud: I… That day... I remember now. A job. I had taken a job. I was hired muscle protecting clients. They wanted to stop the reactor... We used a train to get past security... Was it at night? Something happened... Next thing I knew, I was floating through darkness. Then [I woke up here]”.

This piece of dialogue reveals that Eclipse Contact Cloud’s memories end at the very moment when Avalanche arrives at reactor 1 in OG (disk 1, chapter 1): the very beginning of the game. Consequently, Cloud does not remember anything that happened from the beginning of the OG timeline onwards.
Wol and Echo are intrigued by Cloud’s strange case: non-Blanks rarely arrive in Palamecia. The following text appears on the screen shortly after they meet:

“Perhaps he is not truly who he thinks he is.
Perhaps everything is illusory, a dream.
Only one thing is certain, that he must press on, one step at a time, toward the light that shines from the promised land.”

Just like he did in FFT’s Ivalice, Cloud feels the need to find the Promised Land in MFF x FFVII, despite the fact that he lacks memories of the OG timeline. Though Cloud doesn’t remember anything beyond the train ride to reactor 1, he does remember the Promised Land (at least somewhat). This is odd, given that in OG, Cloud didn’t learn about the Promised Land until several chapters into the game.
Wol and Echo agree to help Cloud figure out why he’s here, since there’s clearly something strange going on with his presence in Palamecia. In fact, Cloud brought Midgar’s mako reactors with him somehow, transplanting them onto the landscape of Palamecia. The group decides to bomb these reactors, following Cloud’s instincts in the hopes that it will jog his memory.
Now for my favorite part. After blowing up another reactor, the group is surprised by the appearance of a crystal. A piano rendition of Aerith’s theme begins. When Wol tries to touch the crystal, something akin to a force field rejects him. When Cloud approaches it, however, the crystal responds to his hand by flashing with light. As it begins to glow, Wol concludes that the crystal is linked to Cloud and Cloud alone. Let’s examine the resulting dialogue:

“Echo: This is the light in your memories. The light of home.

Cloud: Home? But I don’t—

Echo: If you don't remember… then your home is lost to you.

Cloud: Then my memories are gone.

Wol: Do you want to reclaim your past?

Cloud: Not interested... I am what I am now. Not what I was.

Wol: Then tell me… This light. If you can’t remember it, what does it mean to you?

Cloud: It's a warm light... I feel at peace. If this place —home— is as warm and peaceful as this light, then I want to go there.

Echo: You can't go there... Not back to the past.

Cloud: I see.

Echo: But even if you can't go back to the past, you can go forward. If you wish for it strongly enough, the crystal will show you the way. The way to a new world. The way to your Promised Land. […]

Cloud: So... Should [I] take [my] chances and make a wish to this crystal?

Wol: Go ahead. It’s your crystal.

Echo: I should warn you that once you start on this journey, there's no coming back.

Cloud: The past is the past. I want to go to a place where everything is new. I’m ready.“

What follows is a moment I call the wishing scene (13:43-14:34). Cloud closes his eyes and wishes on the crystal. It flashes, and suddenly, rainbow-colored ripples of light appear around it. Aerith’s theme is replaced by a slightly modified version of “Midgar, City of Mako”, the track that plays during the opening cutscene of Remake. You can recreate the modification by listening to “Midgar, City of Mako” from 2:00 to 2:23, then skipping to 3:00 and listening until 3:18. You may recognize the musical motif that kicks off the wishing scene as the Lifestream motif, which has become symbolic of the mysteries of the Remake trilogy, as it often plays during scenes where unexplainable plot deviations from OG occur— more specifically, deviations involving multiverse shenanigans. For instance, it plays during MOTF 4. It also plays in Rebirth after Cloud blocks masamune as Aerith is shown dying anyway.
Cloud disappears with his crystal, after which Echo speaks to Wol about Cloud’s journey:

“Echo: Each person gets the Promised Land they justly deserve, not the one they really need. If you’re a bad person, you go to a bad place. If you expect nothing, you get nothing. Even the journey there makes you look deep within yourself to find out who you really are. Cloud should be facing his own past as we speak. It’s cruel, but necessary. That battle was a long time coming”.

Apparently, at least in the context of this collaboration event, the Promised Land can be a reward or a punishment, depending on which you deserve. Echo explains that Cloud will have to face himself and his past on his way to his Promised Land. This means that the Cloud that appears in Eclipse Contact must next embark on a journey that will confront him with his past, test his mettle, and ultimately lead him to the Promised Land he justly deserves.
III. e) ii. 2) Fact Analysis
There’s a lot of vital information to dig into here, mostly provided by Echo. She claims that the crystal’s light is linked to Cloud’s memories of home; Cloud has to have known this home in the past, as it could not otherwise exist in his memories. MFF Cloud must be a post-OG Cloud. Unfortunately, Echo indicates that whatever Cloud’s home is, he’s lost both it and his memories of it. Despite this, Cloud describes his home as warm and peaceful, concluding that he wishes to find it. Though Cloud can’t return to the past, Echo tells him that if he wishes it strongly enough, the crystal can guide him toward a new world, where his home and his Promised Land exist in the future. The fact that Aerith’s theme is playing all throughout these descriptions of Cloud’s lost home, his Promised Land and the past that he can’t return to makes it extremely obvious that these concepts all point to Aerith. Aerith is Cloud’s lost home. Wherever Aerith is, that’s his Promised Land. The time spent with Aerith before her loss is the past he tragically can’t return to. You might have clocked the similarities between Eclipse Contact’s mention of Cloud’s lost home and DFF’s mention of Cloud’s lost dream: in both these titles, Cloud’s home and dream are equivalent to his Promised Land. It’s confirmed yet again that Aerith is the one Cloud hopes to return to, just like every soul returns to the Lifestream. At this juncture of my research, I was curious as to why the last thing Cloud remembers before waking in Palamecia is the run-up to the Reactor 1 bombing mission in OG (disk 1, chapter 1). This mystery will have to persist for a while longer.
The alarm bells in your head might’ve been triggered by the mention of the wishing scene’s rainbow ripple effects— and rightfully so. This visual cue has sparked passionate debate in the fandom since its appearances in Rebirth, as seen in these pictures:
Zack Choosing To Get A Cure For Cloud, Rebirth Chapter 14; Creating a New World/Timeline
Aerith Pushing Cloud Out of that World/Timeline, Remake Chapter 14
Cloud Blocking Masamune, Rebirth Chapter 14; Creating New World/Timeline
You might have read or heard that this rainbow effect signifies that a character has entered another timeline, created a portal to another timeline, created a new timeline or is being shown different timelines. Indeed, whenever the OG timeline is deviated from in a significant way, this effect appears. The pictures above present multiple examples of these shifting realities.
One might propose that the rainbow ripples in Eclipse Contact and Rebirth are unrelated because of the long period between their respective release dates. This long in-between period indeed makes it likelier that the effect was used without forethought in Eclipse Contact, forgotten over the years, and incidentally reused in Rebirth as a plot-important visual cue with no connection to Eclipse Contact. I’m inclined to disagree since the crystal is specifically described as a vessel that can take Cloud “to a new world” by Echo, which is a bit on the nose. Regardless, it’s plausible that there’s no connection. That is, it would be, if the rainbow effect didn’t show up in Remake too.
When the Whispers are finally defeated in chapter 18 of Remake, a burst of the rainbow ripple effects indicate the emergence of multiple worlds, newly freed from the restrictive clutches of fate (1:16:36-1:16:47). Shortly thereafter, Sephiroth takes Cloud to the Edge of Creation and invites him to join forces with him. Cloud refuses, and Sephiroth says the following:

“Seven seconds till the end. Time enough for you. Perhaps. But what will you do with it? Let's see.”

The question “What will you do with it?” implies that the answer is unknown, meaning Cloud is no longer bound to the OG timeline by fate: many alternate futures lay ahead. Sephiroth is telling Cloud and the audience that now, the mystery of the Remake trilogy has become “Which future will Cloud bring into existence? Which among the infinite possible timelines will his choices result in?” After pondering this aloud, Sephiroth leaves Cloud alone to consider the rainbow effects in the sky (1:19:23-1:19:36). Because they generally represent alternate or changing timelines, it’s safe to assume that the rainbow ripples here represent the myriad of possible worlds that Cloud’s actions in those seven seconds could generate. After all, Sephiroth was just talking about them, and chapter 18’s description in Remake reads as follows:

“In a world beyond, Sephiroth shows Cloud a vision of the planet seven seconds before its demise. Having strayed from the course destiny set for them, they strike out on a path towards an unknown future."

This explains why the player is shown Cloud staring at those colors in the apocalyptic sky at world’s end, directly after hearing Sephiroth’s cryptic words: those are all the alternate “unknown future” timelines ahead of him, now unravelled from fate. Amongst those rainbow ripples lies the answer to the question “What will you do with [the seven seconds]?”
Given that Remake was released in 2020 and Eclipse Contact came out in 2017, the major story elements of the Remake trilogy —including the eventuality of alternate timelines— had to have been planned out at the time of Eclipse Contact’s release: while the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration was being made, Remake was also in production. Also recall that the collaboration event and the Remake trilogy share a codirector in Hamaguchi, a writer in Nojima and a producer in Kitase. Based on all this, it’s more than likely that the rainbow ripples in the Remake trilogy and inEclipse Contact represent the very same thing: alternate worlds and timelines. All this to say that when the rainbow effect appears around the crystal in the Eclipse Contact, it means the crystal is acting as a vessel to another world, just like Echo said.
But that’s not all Echo said: she also mentioned that this other world would take Cloud to his home, to his Promised Land. We’ve already established what that means for Cloud, what it’s meant since two whole decades at the time of Eclipse Contact’s release: this crystal will take Cloud to Aerith. So, where exactly did the crystal take Cloud? In what world can he meet Aerith again?
The music that plays during the wishing scene gives us a huge hint. As I noted before, the track playing in the background is a slightly modified version of Remake’s “Midgar, City of Mako”, which plays in the introduction cutscene of Remake. This is a musical cue that the ending of Cloud’s journey in Eclipse Contact and the very beginning of the Remake trilogy are closely related. Add the fact that the devs wanted players to experience this collaboration event before playing Remake, and it becomes undeniable: the crystal that appeared to Cloud in Palamecia —which offers to lead him to his home and Promised Land, meaning to Aerith—, took him to the world of the Remaketrilogy.
Eclipse Contact is huge. The whole crux of my theory lives and dies right here. However, we still have part two of the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration event to analyze as well as its promotions to look into before I can drop the thesis on you, so bear with me in order to receive the most thorough analysis of all this possible! I want to give you every drop of proof I can!
III. e) ii. MFF x FFVII Remake Fatal Calling
1) Fact-Finding
Fatal Calling came out February 1 of 2018, and its release campaign ended in March. The game opens with a cutscene: Cloud is floating, seemingly unconscious, through a sparkling, green current of light. The current flows into a circle of bright, white light, surrounded by rainbow ripple effects as Cloud is driven toward and into it. An orb floats along with him. The Advent Children theme “The Promised Land” plays, a choir of mournful, aching, mutedly desperate souls engaged in a lamenting prayer. Sephiroth’s voice echoes:

“Sephiroth: It’s time. You may turn your back on the past, lock your memories away. Hide reality beneath a layer of illusion. But destiny will not die so easily. Yes. At memory’s end you may plead for it all to go away. But the past is a curse, binding your soul. It’s time. Wake to your fate. Rise to your destiny.

Cloud: (In a half-conscious grunt) Reunion…

Sephiroth: The light will lead you. Wake to your fate. Rise!”

Sephiroth’s mentions of Cloud hiding under an illusion and repressing his memories are no doubt allusions to Cloud’s past, which was complicated and darkened by Hojo’s experiments. It makes sense, then, that Cloud responds with “Reunion”. Fatal Calling indeed focuses on Cloud’s relationship to his past, his identity and Sephiroth. Everything involving Nibelheim —where everything started—, Sephiroth’s manipulation, and Hojo’s experiments are on the table. Also noteworthy if not out of place is Sephiroth’s evocation of fate.
Cloud enters a battle with Sephiroth with the help of Wol and Echo, who are surprised to see him back in Palamecia. Cloud tells them about the orb seen floating along with him in the opening cutscene: though he calls it a materia, he doesn’t know how or when he acquired it. Based on his behavior, it appears that Cloud remembers just as little about the events of OG as he did by the end of Eclipse Contact. Wol informs Cloud that whoever he heard speaking to him on his way here was probably Vox pretending to be Sephiroth.
As the group advances, Cloud recalls Midgar and decides they should go there next. At one of Midgar’s mako reactors, the group encounters Sephiroth, who speaks to himself:

“It's still not enough. This... this is but a pale imitation of the power I desire.”

Once Sephiroth has disappeared, Cloud explains what he remembers: Sephiroth was the greatest SOLDIER of all and a hero to Cloud, though Cloud can’t remember what exactly ended this admiration. As players of FFVII OG, we know the event in question is the Nibelheim incident, wherein Sephiroth slaughtered the town’s residents, including Cloud’s mother, after learning of his past. The former war hero also severely injured Tifa, whom Cloud presumed dead when he found her in the old mako reactor with a vicious slash on her chest. Cloud is agitated by the gaps in his memory, so the group resolves to follow Sephiroth for answers. When they find him again, Sephiroth causes Cloud to experience a piercing headache with the mere mention of the Reunion. They fight, but Sephiroth is too powerful— he skewers Cloud with the masamune and taunts his unconscious body:

“Sephiroth: A puppet. I won’t kill you. Not yet. Not until you know true despair.
Wol: If you want despair, we got plenty to go around. Palamecia’s full of it.
Sephiroth: Yes, this planet knows suffering. But it is not the world that was promised to me. I must go home. Tell Cloud, if he wants to see me again, he should face his memories. I will await him there, in the land of memory, where it all began. In Nibelheim.”

Sephiroth darkens Cloud’s materia, turning it black. Later, Wol explains to Cloud that Sephiroth stole the light from his materia, taking Cloud’s strength along with it.
Once Cloud has woken up, the group travels to Nibelheim to uncover the truth about Cloud’s memories. Cloud slowly gathers pieces of his past, shown to the player as titled, diary-like text written from various perspectives. Cloud learns the truth about SOLDIER, Jenova cells, Sephiroth, and what happened in Nibelheim. Let’s examine a few of these diary entries:

“A Warrior’s Tale: There's a girl in Nibelheim I think about. Warm. Cheerful. More grown-up than a child. Haven't talked to her much, but she seems nice. She's going to be leading the SOLDIERs to the mountain reactor. Maybe if I get into the survey team I'll get a chance to talk to her? Nah. She's out of my league.”

Young Cloud’s crush on Tifa is on full display! This must be a memory from his time as an infantryman accompanying Zack and Sephiroth to Nibelheim.

“Tale of the Nameless: I drift along in the mako, asleep. Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Give me a number. I… I… I am… The Reunion. The Reunion must happen.”

This entry could be taken from any one of the Nibelheim survivors’ perspectives, as they were all bathed in mako and turned into Sephiroth clones. I would venture to say this is Cloud’s perspective though, given the reference to this iconic line from OG:

“Cloud: Professor... please give me a number. Please, Professor...
Hojo: Shut up, miserable failure.” (disk 2, chapter 2).

The trio encounters Sephiroth near the old Mt. Nibel mako reactor. Because Sephiroth stole the light from his materia earlier, Cloud goes into the confrontation already drained of his strength. However, when Cloud lifts the materia in his hand, it lights up and creates rainbow ripples in the air around him, similar to those seen in Eclipse Contact and Rebirth. Cloud is healed of his injuries: he closes his eyes for a moment, wearing a peaceful expression. Sephiroth is displeased, but recovers quickly:

“Sephiroth: The guiding light… it healed you.

Wol: […] here, near the mako reactor, the materia regained its light. And your strength returned […]. [Sephiroth]’s here so he can steal the power you've stored inside that materia.

Sephiroth, with a short laugh: I have all the power I need. Cloud. What strength you’ve regained is yours. Use it to fight me. It’s time. Let’s decide this, in this land lost to despair. The prize is home. The Promised Land. There to answer the call of destiny.”

With this second evocation of fate, Sephiroth disappears.
Cloud, Wol and Echo find Sephiroth at the Northern Crater. He mocks Cloud for believing the orb in his possession is materia. Sephiroth waves a hand and his signature black and purple fog surrounds Cloud, immobilizing him. Sephiroth claims that the power Cloud regained at the Mt. Nibel reactor was Sephiroth’s all along. Now that it courses through Cloud’s veins, Sephiroth controls him. He calls Cloud his puppet and finishes with the following before the two vanish, leaving Wol and Echo alone:

“Now, let us return. Back to the Promised Land. The time of the Reunion has come.”

After Cloud finally breaks free and defeats Sephiroth with the help of Wol and Echo, the villain makes a final threat:

“Very good, Cloud. You’ve destroyed an illusion. But the time will come to abandon your illusions and face reality. Then, you will know true pain.”

Sephiroth disappears for the last time, his body surrounded by his signature dark fog and the rainbow ripples. A piano rendition of Tifa’s theme begins. Cloud’s orb rises into the air and becomes a crystal, with the same shape and glow as the one we see in Eclipse Contact. The following dialogue is illuminating:

“Cloud: I will fight. The light will lead me where I need to go.

Wol: You sure? Wasn’t that [crystal] Sephiroth’s?

Cloud: I heard Sephiroth's voice, at the end. Inside me. Whatever he put in me, it’s still in there. Someday I’ll settle that score. If I can't avoid destiny, I might as well face it head-on.

Wol: Yeah. That was quite a speech, Cloud. Surprised you made it through without laughing.

Cloud: Yeah, forget I said it. I will too.

Echo: Forgetting won’t make it go away. Even if the words fade from memory, your dream will never disappear. Not until it becomes real.“

The crystal shines as though in response.

“Echo: See? See, that's how the light of hope works. Hope can turn your dreams into reality.

Cloud: Yeah. I guess so. I might forget this world, but I won’t forget hope. And my reality, that’s for me to live.”

Tifa’s theme ends. Cloud approaches the crystal, and disappears in a beam of blinding light. Once Cloud has vanished with the crystal, Aerith’s theme begins playing. A few pale feathers with a slight orange tint (the color of MFF) float down onto the floor where he stood seconds before. The image fades to black. The credits roll, and Aerith’s theme continues all the way through.
Once both the final name in the credits and Aerith’s theme fade, we’re surprised by a sudden, troubling image: Sephiroth appears in a frightening flash, standing amidst the flames of Nibelheim. When his image fades to black, the collaboration title *“Final Fantasy VII x Mobius Final Fantasy”*appears on the screen. The FFVII title is surrounded by the 1997 meteor logo. Then, a flash of light: the titles reappear, except this time, they read “Final Fantasy VII REMAKE x Mobius Final Fantasy”. The new Remake Meteor logo replaces the 1997 version. As soon as these changes to the FFVIItitle and meteor logo occur, Aerith’s theme returns. It plays on until the game ends a few seconds later, the screen fading to black.
III. e) ii. 2) Fact Analysis
The introduction cutscene shows that MFF Cloud travelled from Eclipse Contact to Fatal Calling via Lifestream. It’s unclear how much time has passed in between, but the atemporal nature of the Lifestream makes the question irrelevant. My theory that MFF Cloud has died is corroborated by the way he’s depicted in the opening cutscene: his eyes are closed and his body is limp as the Lifestream carries him.
Eclipse Contact ended with Echo’s claim that Cloud will face his true self and confront his past while he journeys to his Promised Land. This description resembles what Cloud experienced in the OG Lifestream sequence (disk 2, chapter 8). Indeed, Fatal Calling revolves around the same topics the Lifestream sequence addresses: the truth about the Nibelheim incident, Hojo’s experiments, young Cloud’s crush on Tifa, etc. The opening cutscene shows Cloud being transported to his Promised Land and facing his past on the way there, just like Echo said he would.
Let’s now take a long detour to examine the song that plays during the opening cutscene of Fatal Calling: “The Promised Land” theme from Advent Children. The title and general subject of this song are obviously relevant to the cutscene, but there must be more to its inclusion than that. Perhaps the lyrics can help us understand its appearance in the opening cutscene of Fatal Calling. Here are the unofficial English lyrics (translated from the original Japanese lyrics by an anonymous fan and verified by me via DeepL):

“Why do we cling together?
Why do we give punishment to lesser hearts?
The planet did not forgive us
Did not forgive us
The planet did not forgive us
Did not forgive us
The pulse of veins flows through the earth
A faint, faint pulse
Of a heart drawn to death
A gentle life returns to the planet
Is it necessary to sacrifice souls?
Why do we cling together?
Why do we beg for forgiveness
In the Promised Land?” (“‘The Promised Land’ (theme)” by Final Fantasy Wiki).

The song appears to be a regretful lament of human behavior, expressed by the repetition of “Why do we […]?” questions. The behaviors listed are all typically human ones: the terms “[clinging] together” and “[giving] punishment to [the] lesser” express the uniquely human nature of tribalism and the consequences of the fear and hatred it can generate, and “[begging] for forgiveness in the Promised Land” is likely a reference to the human hypocrisy of only feeling sorry for one’s crimes when judgement day arrives. This last line describes a scenario where someone remains passive or ignorant in the face of something important, only to realize its essentiality once it’s too late. The repeated“The planet did not forgive us” lines reflect the fear of being condemned forever because of one’s mistakes, as though the planet is a deity one has sinned against. The lyric describing a pulse in the earth is obviously about the planet being alive— a reference to the Lifestream. But the pulse is faint and weak and the planet is dying, perishing because of mankind’s greed. This is an indictment of mako energy. The line “A gentle life returns to the planet” refers to an innocent’s soul returning to the Lifestream after death, while the next lyric “Is it necessary to sacrifice souls?” protests the “sacrifice” of the planet’s soul energy for mako production. In all this darkness, this song’s mention of “forgiveness in the Promised Land” leaves a modicum of hope for a better place, however meek, even though mankind might not deserve it. The song “The Promised Land” is both a lament of mankind’s ways and a plea for mercy, with religious and/or spiritual undertones. The song’s themes seem to be: the Promised Land itself, regret and shame, the sins and foolishness of mankind, the death of innocents, grief, Cetra spirituality, and a meek, quiet hope despite it all. The most interesting aspect of the song is its antithetical portrayal of death as a thing of both despair and hope, condemnation and salvation, cruelty and mercy, suffering and relief. Maybe we can glean more information about this theme’s significance in the world of FFVII if we examine the contexts in which it appears.
Importantly, the song plays in Marlene’s introductory narration of Advent Children, meaning its themes are related or similar to the film’s. I highly recommend listening and watching it again, even if you remember this iconic segment. Marlene references Aerith’s sacrifice as the image of Cloud lowering her into the water is shown. Note that Marlene says “Sadness was the price to see it end” (2:36) after we are shown Aerith’s death and her subsequent unleashing of the Lifestream (1:49-2:24): Aerith’s innocent life was sacrificed for the planet’s survival. The lyrics “A gentle life returns to the planet” and “Is it necessary to sacrifice souls?” suit Aerith’s situation quite well.
The theme also plays in Advent Children as Kadaj dies in Cloud’s arms (1:45:00-1:47:55), hearing Aerith’s gentle voice and reaching up to take her invisible hand. Here is what Aerith says to him in his dying moments as “The Promised Land” plays:

“Aerith’s voice: Kadaj?
Kadaj: Huh?
The dark sky has gone with Sephiroth. Healing rain starts falling from bright clouds. The rain no longer hurts Kadaj.
Aerith’s voice: You don’t have to hang on any longer.
Kadaj: Mother! Is that…?
Aerith’s voice: Everyone’s waiting, if you’re ready.
Kadaj nods his head slightly in acceptance. He holds out his hand, and slowly evaporates into the Lifestream. Cloud watches […]” (Advent Children).

Kadaj is brought into the Lifestream by Aerith as she provides rain from the Lifestream. All those with geostigma are healed by the rain, and Tifa feels Aerith’s presence as the party celebrates:

“Tifa, looking out at the falling rain […]: Somehow, I knew you were there. Thank you” (Advent Children).

Cloud stands in the rain with a smile —his first in the whole film—, closes his eyes and basks in Aerith’s healing with his face upturned. He is finally at peace:

“Cloud’s expression is one of peace as the [Lifestream] rain patters against him” (Final Fantasy VII Advent Children English script, “[83] Atop the Shinra Building”).

One thing is clear: the track “The Promised Land” accompanies Aerith. It only makes sense, since we’ve seen overwhelming evidence that she is Cloud’s Promised Land, and since she occupies the Lifestream —which some consider the Promised Land as it is where souls go after death— during the events of Advent Children. Note that when the piece plays, Cloud is shown either mourning Aerith and releasing her into the river at the Cetra capital, or basking in her presence, smiling with relief at the peaceful feeling that she’s somewhere near: these two opposing scenes reflect the song’s antithetical portrayal of death.
Additionally, the song’s themes of regret, shame concerning one’s sins and a small hope perfectly describe Cloud’s character arc and feelings in Advent Children. Cloud regrets his inability to save Aerith, which he considers a sin. Further, he only realized how important she is to him once it was too late to tell her. And of course, he harbors a fragile yet important hope that he’ll be reunited with her in the Promised Land:

“‘Can sins ever be forgiven?’ — Cloud asks this to Vincent, who mutters a brief answer. For both of them, ‘I couldn't protect my loved one’ is the sense of guilt that they carry, so their words resonate with weight” (FFVII 10th Anniversary Ultimania Revised Edition, “Chapter 2: Character in FFVIIWorld”, “Vincent Valentine”, “In Advent Children”, page 72).

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"’It is my sin that I couldn't protect my loved one’ — under this assumption, Cloud closes off his heart. What will the reunion with Aerith bring him? ‘I... think I want to be forgiven. Yeah, I just want to be forgiven’” (FFVII 10th Anniversary Ultimania Revised Edition, “Chapter 2: Character in FFVIIWorld”, “Cloud Strife”, “In Advent Children”, page 40).

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“Cloud, after seeing Aerith’s hand reach for him through the Lifestream: … I think I'm beginning to understand.
Tifa: What?

Cloud: An answer from the Planet… the Promised Land... I think I can meet her... there” (disk 3, chapter 3).

Just as the song and Marlene express in the introduction of the film, Aerith was innocent, and her sacrifice generated great grief. Cloud finally experiences peace when he feels her presence in the healing rain, and he smiles: he’s glad to be with her again, even if it’s only for a brief moment of tangential respite.
The scene depicts Aerith guiding Kadaj into the Lifestream as the song plays, tying her to the concept and theme song of the Promised Land once more. This connection is later solidified by Tifa’s thanks to the late flower girl. All of this evidence shows us that this musical theme is intimately linked to Aerith, as it never plays in her absence. After all, the song speaks of sins, the death of innocents, forgiveness, grief, a small sense of hope, regret and the afterlife: all themes relevant to Cloud’s feelings surrounding Aerith’s death in and outside of Advent Children.
The Remake OST also includes a version of this piece called “The Promised Land - Cycle of Life”. This iteration of the theme begins playing in the wake of the first bombing mission, right after Sephiroth taunts Cloud with his mother’s dying words in Sector 8 (chapter 2). Sephiroth appears to Cloud surrounded by flames, evoking the Nibelheim massacre, and the theme begins playing in the background once he disappears, continuing (13:17-15:30) as Cloud walks through the sector, encountering fires and destruction all around him. This version of the Promised Land theme is meant to emphasize the deaths of the innocent Nibelheim townsfolk and the innocents in Sector 8. This dreadful atmosphere is amplified by the cries of despair that ring all around as Cloud passes by NPC Sector 8 residents. Perhaps the themes of tribalism and mankind’s sin are relevant to this scene as well, since Shinra and Avalanche are two distinct and warring groups whose quarrels, regardless of their necessity, result in the deaths of innocents. The theme of guilt also emerges, reflecting the Avalanche members’ feelings upon seeing the unintended collateral damage of the explosion. “The Promised Land - Cycle of Life” plays until Cloud encounters Aerith on Loveless. So it seems in this scenario, the heavy weight of death and despair is lifted when Cloud meets the lively, cheery Aerith. Once more, Aerith is central to the musical theme of the Promised Land, as well as to the concept itself.
I also noticed that a version of the song plays as Cloud and the party ready to enter the Forgotten Capital to save Aerith in Rebirth’s chapter 14: it truly adds the weight of her upcoming death to the scene.
Back to Fatal Calling, the scene where Cloud regains his strength is quite mysterious. Wol says Cloud’s orb regained its “guiding light” light because of its proximity to the mako reactor. In the moment his strength is replenished, Cloud is shown tilting his head back and closing his eyes: this is reminiscent of the scene in Advent Children when he stands under Aerith’s healing Lifestream rain, feeling at peace. The rainbow ripples shining from the orb indicate that something is crossing the boundaries of worlds. Since the mako reactor pumps up the Lifestream, being near a reactor also means being physically near the Lifestream. This means Aerith’s spirit is within proximity. In my opinion, Aerith was able to heal Cloud from the Lifestream, just like in Advent Children. However, Aerith is not in Palamecia with him: her healing had to travel there through the Lifestream, transcending the boundaries of worlds, hence the rainbow ripples.
Let’s now address the appearance of Tifa’s character theme in Fatal Calling. Since Fatal Calling is all about discovering Cloud’s past in Nibelheim and then in Hojo’s lab, it makes lots of sense for Tifa’s theme to play as the crystal appears. In OG’s Lifestream sequence (disk 2 chapter 8), she’s the one there helping Cloud sort through his past instead of Wol and Echo. Cloud even picks up a piece of his childhood crush on Tifa in Fatal Calling as a shard of his memory. After all, this crush was the catalyst for him joining SOLDIER, and everything that transpired in consequence:

“Cloud: That was the first time I heard about Sephiroth. If I got strong like Sephiroth, then everyone might... If I could just get stronger... Then even Tifa would have to notice me” (FFVII OG, disk 2, chapter 8).

Additionally, it’s fitting that her theme should begin right after Sephiroth speaks of “[abandoning] your illusions and [facing] reality”, considering that Cloud’s false persona was concocted by Jenova using Tifa’s mistaken impressions of Cloud:

“While being tended to by a station worker in the Sector 7 Slum train station, [Cloud] was reunited with Tifa, and using the abilities of Jenova’s cells, formed a new personality” (FFVII 10th Anniversary Ultimania Revised Edition, “Chapter 2: Character in FFVII World, “Cloud Strife”, “Cloud Behavior Record, Compilation of FFVII”, page 40).

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“(Image caption:) A new personality takes shape the moment he sees Tifa” (FFVII Story Playback, “Story Check: Tifa’s Flashback”).

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“Tifa (to Cloud): Deep down, you're a pretty nice guy. Didn't see it when we were kids, but...” (Remake, chapter 14).

I want to have children, I want to buy a home, I want to work my job, I want to live healthy, I want to not step on others to make all that happen. It is impossible at this day and age to do all of them, maybe not even half at the same time.
The water we drink is poisoned. Whether it's waste legally dumped from factories making untested chemicals, or from the pipes it flows through or from the containers we drink from, it doesn't seem like you can drink untainted water.
Our food is poisoned. Whether it's the untested chemicals put into it to make it last longer, taste better, become more addictive and become cheaper, or from the chemicals known to cause health issues, sprayed on it to keep bugs off. If we are talking about meat, factory farmed livestock is given plastic to eat, pumped with hormones to grow bigger and faster, and all that's without getting into the torture of their short lives in the dark with no room to move, living in their own excrement.
Our shelter costs more than ever in American history, not just to own, but to borrow. Broken homes are being sold for what more than half the population could afford to "buy." Buy is a loose word because over 3/4ths of Americans live Paycheck to paycheck. We don't have money to "buy" anything. We have to borrow money from institutions that have crashed our economy, in order to hopefully, eventually own one of these broken homes. If you borrow shelter (rent), you are at the mercy of your landlord, almost guaranteed to have the rent go up every year and lose your down payments when you move out. If you refuse to buy or borrow, wherever you stay is likely illegal and the country is working on making it a crime to sleep outside. You will be productive, whether is by "choice" or in prision.
Our environment is poisoned. The air you breathe, the water you swim in, the ground you grow crops in, is it safe? Have you gotten it tested? Sure there are "acceptable" levels of everything, but who is it acceptable to? The people living in it or the people polluting it? Can you go for a swim at your nearest beach without getting tar balls stuck to your clothing or your dogs fur from the multiple offshore oil rigs crowding the sunset view? I can't. Can you swim in the lake or pond nearest to you? I can't. Its prohibited and I cannot find a specific reason, but I'm sure it has something to do with the water cooling the Power plant located there. Somehow the fish have been cleared as acceptable to eat though. If you can't find somewhere to swim, you better find a way to cool down because this summer will be the hottest on record until next summer and so on. You sure you want to live in the hottest parts of the country right now? Will they be habitable in a few years? Will even the poisoned water be available to drink?
Our medical care is so expensive we either don't have it or are so afraid to use it for fear of bankruptcy. Insurance companies are constantly denying payment for basic medical needs and death causing events. Cancer will kill you and if it doesn't, the bill at the end will make you wish you died instead. If you wanted to try and pay for it yourself, the insurance industry has caused even just basic services to sky rocket in price, it's impossible. A 15 minute checkup is $400 out of pocket at the medical office nearest me. That does not include the blood work they send you to a different facility for, or any other xrays, medicine or general care you may need otherwise.
Our jobs are so level locked that if you've got no education, you'll make enough that the government will assist you with some needs like food. Your community has been trained to judge you for it, thinking you're cheating the system because you don't want to work, when in reality it's whichever corporation your working for, actively gaming the system so they can keep their labor costs as cheap as possible. If you've got some education, you're probably living to work. Yeah you only make what minimum wage SHOULD be, but if you work 80 hours every week,, you might be able to pull off a lower middle class life style. With some education, you might even be able to sneak into a 9-5 where you don't have to work as many hours, but you're still not making enough to meet every basic need. If you have higher education, you might be doing alright, or you might be unable to find a job, while stuck in nonexpiring, crippling debt. Maybe you're somewhere in between. And even if you've got a great job... is it safe? Did the shareholders make enough so that there won't be a massive round of layoffs this quarter? Did the right political candidate get elected so the field you work in isn't shut down until the opposite party gets back into power?
Not every American is in this position, there are lucky ones who come from enough money that they'll never know struggle, never know food/wateshelteHealthcare insecurity. But the one thing that is STILL unavoidable, the one thing EVERYONE must participate in is stepping on others to live day to day. Everyday, we interact with, see, touch, feel or use a product that was made with questionable labor, if not outright slave labor and human suffering. From the people mining the basic materials to create products, to the people working the factories that products are produced in, to your neighbor that works at the shipping facilities to get it to you, the whole line is corrupted and meant to squeeze the absolute most out of the workers operating everything. The threat of losing even more of your basic needs keeps you in line, if not threat of physical and emotional torture.
I am only smart enough to see the things that are wrong in the world and recognize that it is unsustainable, but I'm too dumb to solve any of it and convince others to help.
So how do we give up without giving up? How do we get rid of our morals and act like everything is fine? How do we continue on feeling good about the systems we have in place, knowing there is so much suffering involved? How do I make a concious decision to bring another human life into this world, to experience what Im experiencing, but for it to be so much worse by the time they can recognize it? It seems that there is no way to change everything and we are headed towards inevitable collapse, so how the hell do we enjoy the ride that's left? I see people do it everyday. Not doing it is pure depression and I am so exhausted from being depressed.

Hello, you can call me Cory. I am a woman nearly 23 and just went no contact with my mom. It all happened so fact and I’m not regretting it at all, but I am trying to process it. I’ve always ALWAYS had horribly mixed feelings about my mom. She has always been so scared and angry and yet she was the only parent ever in my life. My dad came in and out ripping my heart to pieces and she was my only constant. She was at least taking care of us(my older brother and I) though my brother did most of the emotional part since she was always so scarily unpredictable. Lashing out for needing lunch money, signatures, talking to her too soon after she got home from work, asking about dinner was a regular if not daily occurrence in that house. She also didn’t want to be a mom and reminded us of that constantly. We ‘ruined’ her. We were always a burden it seemed. There was also the threat of her sending us to our father, who she knew was physically violent, if we protested or cause too much trouble. She primed us for college as if that was our life purpose, and now I’m here. My brother didn’t finish college and so the pressure shifted all to me in high school. I broke myself and burnt out trying to get all A’s and the best test scores possible. I did rotc, our band’s color guard, culinary, honor societies, you name it. I got to my senior year and Covid came. I honestly enjoyed being able to recluse for the time I was able, some may say I still am. It was the first time in my life if felt like I was able to realize college wasn’t a dream for me, it was hers. Telling her that came with the mixed message of she wanted me to be happy but she would not support me at all if I didn’t go; knowing I couldn’t support myself, I went. I just kept faltering though, I was unable to handle much of college after sophomore year but I just wanted to get it over with. During that time she married my ex’s dad and didn’t even bother to tell me. I found out while helping her edit a letting to his boss thanking them for the honeymoon. I was devastated. I felt like I wasn’t even a part of our own family anymore. This is after my brother went no contact with her too so I felt totally alone. She went across the country and left me alone in a state with no family. She did pay for my dorm but I felt abandoned. Telling her this was met with her telling me how selfish I was for not wanting her to go. Fast forward to now. I have moved in with my boyfriend, taken over all my bills and financially separated from her. Her new step son of course graduated on time and so she came down for it. I had been avoiding talking to her for months and involved her as little as I could in my life. Every conversation was so tense I never felt comfortable telling her anything in fear that it would be weaponized against me. So after days of her trying to push me into plans of seeing her, I finally cut the cord. I told her how far I felt from our relationship. I told her how hurt by our whole lives I was. I told her that I was glad that she had people around her for this so that she wasn’t alone. I told her that I couldn’t blame her for everything considering that she came from extreme abuse. Often times when I’m mad at her, I will see her as the little girl I saw in a picture of her when she was young. I look at her and I see such a broken woman who just decided that she would never seek help. I look at her and I see such a broken woman who just decided that she would never seek help. my father was physically abusive, so I got used to the feeling of not having a dad but for a while the thought that my mom might’ve eventually love me like I needed it got me through him and the loss of him. I feel like I’ve been begging with her for centuries to at least hear me out in a way that wasn’t dismissive. It never really worked. Any pain I expressed was taken as a criticism of her p dismissive. It never really worked. Any pain I expressed was taken as a criticism of her unwanted parentage. In a way I think it was that she got a whole new family that hurt the most. It feels like when she married him, she did everything she could to erase that we even existed. Bringing up my father was a no, her having a different last name was a no, suddenly our last name was bad and only representative of her father. It worked the same for him too though, her new husband. I don’t disagree with wanting to wipe the slate clean and begin anew, but to erase a father or a mother from your child’s life is to erase part of who that are. My dad abused all of us. Much of my life was defined by that. To erase him, came with her erasing this person who grew up only know how to fight or get hit. That’s who I’m trying to grow out of, but it is part of me. I can never deny that. I don’t ever want to talk to her, but I miss her so much. I miss feeling like we had a future, like he wanted me, like she felt safe with me. I miss feeling safe with her. I miss her smile and the way she laughed with me. I miss seeing her excited about life. I blocked her soon after because I thought she’d just tell me how horrible I was. I couldn’t imagine a situation where she would do what I wanted: hug me, apologize. I really wish I would have gotten a last hug or something because she hasn’t tried to contact me since. I know that is what I want, but that is only because she stopped trying to have a life with us. My adolescence felt like her race to the finish line. Before no contact, but after she moved, she had never come to visit me. She never called to talk about life past how I was in school. If I was too honest about my discontentment, we only fought, so everything became fake. I don’t know how to feel about this all. I’m struggling. I’m just looking for support and am in between therapists at the moment. Anything is something. I’m not looking to have my mind changed. I know she’s happy now that she can be in the world she wants. Thank you for reading.

Since he is now King Kong, with a kingdom to rule, a people, and an army, I wonder what the plan is for him.
I’m certain it’s a set up for some Avengers Endgame level war later on, but I wonder what for.
Since we can safely assume that Kong will use his new power and army in defense of Humans and the planet, I wonder what kind of threat will arise that will need the help of his apes. Destoroyah is a product of the Oxygen Destroyer, and I don’t see him much as someone who could raise an army. I think perhaps we may see an alien invasion storyline? Or perhaps there may be a war between another species of Titan? They could somehow throw in King Caesar? They could change him so he rules his own people.
If I were a betting man I think we could see an alien invasion storyline. Possibly Megalon? Or Gigan? I’d like to think we could also get another King Ghidorah or Mecha King Ghidorah. Maybe KG was made and his creators sent another?
Giving Kong his kingdom now sets up the next movie to actually be Godzilla centric. King Kong should be busy with moving his people somewhere better where there’s plenty of food and water, making themselves self sustainable, and just building up their new home. King Kong should have little time for the affairs of the surface, and Godzilla should be facing the next threat himself or with Mothra. Honestly the next movie being him and Mothra vs. Battra, Megaguirus, and another Robot would be cool. Throw in a second Mechagodzilla and we got a sick sequel. It could explore Big G’s relationship with Mothra and Earth even deeper than it’s had the chance to in the past. Honestly with all the flying machines and me has running around we can have a Mecha Mothra.

We're white, middle class Australians. Just my son & I living in a two story, two bedroom townhouse in a pretty mediocre complex in a capital city.
While I make a decent income (~$107K AUD salary plus super, or just over 3K AUD/fortnight) we struggle to get by because my mortgage repayments are 1350/fortnight plus I have an arseload of bills (home rates, water, gas, electricity, body corporate fees, health insurance, plus our internet & phone bill is insane, so he can have the fastest, unlimited home network speeds, repayments on his iPhone 14 Pro, my Pixel 6) and his constant want for new (expensive) clothes, shoes and whatever else he demands.
He has a mid-tier gaming PC I built him a few years ago, along with a PS5 and a high end gaming monitor with an expensive desk and gaming chair in his bedroom, along with a very nice queen-sized bed and floating shelves with expensive collectables on them.
As a 49M I have given up on finding love again, or even a casual partner because he has damaged the crap out our home but his solution to getting more money is "get on Tinder and find a wife" so we'll have multiple incomes. I could do alright on Tinder if our house wasn't constantly getting trashed by his meltdowns. Or to constantly ask my mother for money. She's helped us enough as it is.
I even splurged on Childish Gambino tickets for us today (which will also mean travelling to and accomodation in Sydney on top of the $440 worth of tickets) and I was "the best dad in the world" but then his ASD and ADHD kick in and he starts focusing on wanting newer, better stuff.
Today (after giving up on telling me to buy a new house) he wants his room renovated, with his current desk etc back downstairs, a new desk with a MacBook, windows replaced, wardrobe replaced so he can be like a "normal kid".
When i was his age I shared a "sleep-out" (basically an enclosed verandah running down the side of the house) with three little brothers, wore what I was given and rode a cheapo "Toyworld" BMX to school, forced to participate in a cult "Mahikari" in a house full of cockroaches (especially the human cockroach married to my Mum who was molesting my older sister).
I understand he has ADHD (as do I, hence the essay, sorry) and he is at the highest of level 2 ASD (one point off level 3, which is the highest end of the spectrum in Australia) but he seems to think "all other kids" have better rooms/houses than him.
He won't listen when I tell him about teenage boys living in the middle east, where they're lucky if they have a bedroom and that they can't guarantee that their Dad will survive a day at work or they can't be sure they won't get blown up at school, or crossing the frikken road. Or about other kids who are in ghettos surrounded by gang life. Or even just other white, middle class kids in our own, safe, city who don't have luxuries that he has, streaming services, a Dad that is willing to pay for him to have a more expensive phone than my own, that will take him to a $200 concert.
What does the average 13 year old kid have where you live?
How can I convince him that he should be grateful (or at least satisfied) with what he has?
It does my head in that he thinks he has it so rough!
Sorry for the huge wall of text. I need to vent as well as get some advice, please and thank you!

1. "Challenge your writer to explore 'Hiraeth,' a Welsh word representing a homesickness for a place that may not exist. How does this deep yearning for an elusive home shape your character's quest for identity and purpose?"

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1. "Challenge your writer to contemplate 'Ephemeralization,' a term coined by Buckminster Fuller to describe the ability to accomplish more with fewer resources over time. How does your character's efficiency and innovation lead them towards greatness?"

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1. "Encourage introspection through 'Panache,' a term signifying distinctive and stylish flair. How does your character's unique style and charisma set them apart and propel them towards achieving greatness?"

1. "Prompt your writer to explore 'Satori,' a Japanese term referring to sudden enlightenment. How does your character experience profound moments of realization that lead to transformative growth and the pursuit of greatness?"

1. "Challenge your writer to contemplate 'Deipnosophist,' a person skilled in the art of dinner table conversation. How does your character's ability to navigate social interactions and communicate effectively contribute to their influence and greatness?"

1. "Encourage introspection through 'Kairos,' a Greek word representing the opportune moment for decision or action. How does your character recognize and seize pivotal moments, steering their journey towards greatness?"

1. "Prompt your writer to consider 'Aletheia,' a Greek term for truth or disclosure. How does your character's commitment to authenticity and truthfulness contribute to their personal integrity and the potential for greatness?"

1. "Challenge your writer to unravel the complexity of 'Empedoclean Love,' a philosophical concept involving the interconnectedness and attraction of opposites. How does your character navigate contrasting elements in their life to achieve balance and greatness?"

1. "Encourage introspection through 'Querencia,' a Spanish word for a place where one feels safe and at home. How does your character's connection to their 'querencia' provide a foundation for their courage and pursuit of greatness?"

1. "Prompt your writer to explore 'Ubume,' a Japanese supernatural entity representing the spirit of a woman who died in childbirth. How does your character's encounter with the supernatural shape their understanding of life, death, and their own potential for greatness?"

1. "Challenge your writer to contemplate 'Rapturous Dysphoria,' a term describing the simultaneous pleasure and pain of intense emotional experiences. How does your character harness the intensity of their emotions to propel them towards greatness?"

1. "Encourage introspection through 'Ephemeral Eternity,' exploring how your character grapples with the paradox of fleeting moments that hold timeless significance, shaping their pursuit of greatness."

1. "Prompt your writer to consider 'Virescent,' a term describing the vibrant greenness of plant life. How does your character's connection to nature and growth mirror their personal development and potential for greatness?"

1. "Challenge your writer to unravel the complexity of 'Chrysalism,' a term representing the cozy feeling experienced during a storm, safe and warm indoors. How does your character's resilience during metaphorical storms contribute to their greatness?"

1. "Encourage introspection through 'Kaihan,' a Japanese word for the resistance against change. How does your character confront and navigate the challenges of change, transforming resistance into a catalyst for greatness?"

1. "Prompt your writer to explore 'Zephyr,' a term describing a gentle, mild breeze. How does your character's ability to bring a sense of calm and inspiration mirror their potential to influence and achieve greatness?"

I just always feel like I have to get back to my kid even though he is safe at home with his father. It's just different now, not having my time be all mine and having only myself to worry about.
I feel like I can't even take my time to really close shop and everything feels so rushed anymore because it's like immediately I just want to have to get back to my kid and I don't love that parent guilt because it's baseless.

Data safety is one of the most crucial practices today. In this digital world, from personal photos to important documents and critical work files, being safe is very important. How do you ensure the protection of your important files using different backup strategies? Some of them include cloud storage and external drives.
Cloud Storage—Convenient and Accessible
Some of the benefits of cloud storage include accessibility to files from any place with internet access. Some of the most commonly used services include Google Drive, Dropbox, and OneDrive.
Best Practices
Automatic Syncing: Make sure that your cloud storage is set up for automatic syncing so that your folders and files are up-to-date and backed up.
Multiple Cloud Services: Engage with multiple cloud services to ensure better diversification in storage.
Security Measures: Apply two-factor authentications and strong, unique passwords to make sure your cloud accounts are locked down in security.
External Drives: Reliable Offline Backup
Benefits: An external drive, whether hard or SSD, is a reliable way of making an offline backup; it will free your data from online threats. Also, these are used to back up large bulks of data.
Best Practices
Regular Backups: Ensure you back up your data on a regular basis so that your latest files are always captured.
Multiple Drives: Make use of multiple external drives and rotate them to minimize the risk of data loss in case of a drive failure.
Safe Storage: Stash your external drives in a safe, secure location to protect them from physical damage and theft.
NAS – Network Attached Storage: Centralized Home Backup
Advantages: NAS devices offer centralized storage that is made available to multiple devices in your home network. Generally, they will also offer RAID configurations and other measures of redundancy and security.
Best Practices
RAID Configuration: Use RAID 1 or RAID 5 to have some data redundancy.
Remote Access: Configure remote access to your NAS to make it easy to retrieve files while you are away from home.
Regular Maintenance: Run regular maintenance checks on your NAS and keep the firmware updated.
Backup Software That Automates: Set and Forget
Advantages: Software such as Acronis True Image and Backblaze will, for the most part, be backing up for you. You just have to set the schedule for when to do regular backups. It also offers full, incremental, and differential types of backups.
Best Practices
Scheduled Backups: Make sure to set your software to do backups automatically on a regular schedule—daily, weekly, etc.
Check Backups: Periodically check your backups to be sure they are completing, and therefore, you will be able to restore from them.
Backup Destinations: Maintain software backups to multiple destinations, such as an external drive and a cloud service, for multiple redundancy.
Hybrid Backup Solutions: Combine Multiple Methods of Backup
Advantages: This solution combines more than one backup method, like cloud, external drives, and NAS, so the user can get better protection from many issues.
Best Practices
3-2-1 Rule: Adhere to the 3-2-1 rule for backups: keep three copies of your data, two on different devices locally, and one in the cloud.
Regular Testing: Test your backup and restore process regularly to ensure it works as expected.
Consistent Schedule: Maintain a consistent backup schedule to keep all copies of your data up to date.
Your Backup Strategies: What is your process of backing up, and how did that assist you in staying away from any data loss incidents? Share your strategies and maybe problems you faced.
Tools and Services: Are there any tools or services you like to use in particular for the purpose of backup? Why do you prefer to use them?
Disaster Recovery Experiences: Have you actually been in a position where you have had to restore data from backup? How did this work and what did you learn from the experience?

hi, im pretty new to the whole reddit scene and felt like i didnt have much to post about, but man, i need to talk about this situation im in. any and all advice is welcomed and greatly appreciated. this is not a request for money!
im currently 32 weeks pregnant (was not planned.) just over a month ago, my boyfriend and i were homeless, like sleeping on benches kinda homeless. im 19 and he is 21. he comes from pretty broken home, and i was kicked out when i told my mom about my pregnancy. being thrown out into the real world so young has really not worked out so well for either of us, but recently things were starting to look up. i was able to make amends with my family to move back in & he was able to secure a construction job by sleeping nearby so he was able to walk to the site. on his first paycheck he bought a cash car to sleep in and get him to safer areas at night time. here and there he would let me use the car to doordash for some extra money. all was well for about 2 weeks until we hit a pothole that blew out one of our tires, and when we took it in to have it replaced, we also had to pay to fix the alignment and a leak in the coolant tank. $800 gone just like that. we actually had to get some assistance in paying for that from a couple friends because we didn’t have the full amount that was sprung on us. that was 2 DAYS AGO. so, here we are today, enjoying having the car back running “smoothly” until randomly, no more than 20 minutes after he picks me up, the car starts literally vibrating and jolting while we are driving. he calls up a friend who is supposedly pretty good with cars, and uses a code reader to tell us we need a new battery. we are dead broke after getting this car out of the shop, so after a while we eventually called up our church to see if this was something they could help with, and they actually did. we had to catch a ride there with a friend, but they gave us a brand new battery. we get it hooked up in the car, and nothing changed. so he uses the code reader again, now its saying the spark plugs are misfiring. thankfully our friends were willing to help us out with another $40 on those, and he got to changing them. on the 3rd plug, when he pulled it out, it was covered in black oil. we dried it up, put the new one in, and just by leaving the car idling for a couple minutes, it pooled up again. the car is not safe to drive and we have no means of income without it considering that he is stranded about 30 miles from his job. he is having to sleep in the autozone parking lot tonight. thankfully, yet AGAIN, i got help from my friend to get me an uber home because i have an OB appointment tomorrow, which i also will have to pay back the copay for at some point lol. so now we are a few hundred in debt to our friends with no means of income and it was all for nothing. we literally wasted everyones day away and now im literally drowning in stress because it will more than likely need to be towed. and even if it can be worked on at autozone we are completely out of options to continue trying to fix it. we spent EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLARS that we did not have only for this to happen 2 days later.
i guess thats it, lol. once again i would like to reiterate that this is not a post to ask for financial assistance, but this car is our lifeline and we have put every dollar we can into it. are there any other things we can do at this point? neither of us have credit so we cant take out a loan through the bank. this is the first car either of us have ever owned. if its useful info, the car is a 2015 nissan altima.
sorry for the long post. i just had an exhausting night and wanted to yap a little about it. thanks for reading and again any advice would be helpful . :)

It was a nice sunny summer day and I was bored as my fiancé was at work. He would be home in a few hours so I decided to visit a busy local park and walk the trails and I often did to pass the time. At the time I was around 18 or 19. In retrospect, I should have never been walking at the park alone but I had done it so many times and nothing bad had ever happened before. I know right? So naive, or maybe just plain stupid. Anyway, I arrived at the park and I started my walk along the trail. I was walking for a few minutes and was about to enter an area of the trail that went through a bit of woods. As I approached the trees, I heard some leaves rustling and saw some small birds pecking at the ground. I kept walking for a few minutes, getting deeper into the wooded area and heard the leaves rustling again. I look over into the trees, expecting to see another bird or maybe a squirrel. When I looked over, I didn’t see a squirrel or a bird or anything of the sort. What I saw, I could not comprehend. I saw a shadow, not see through like a ghost and not laid out on the ground like an actual shadow. This shadow figure was pitch black and stood upright. It had the shape of a taller man but no face. No eyes, no mouth, no nose, no ears, nothing. Just a shadow of the outline of a mans body. It was like my brain couldn’t process what it was seeing. I grabbed my pepper spray hoping this was just a human and my mind was only playing tricks on me and I could possibly defend myself from whoever this creep was. However, I quickly realized the sun shining right through the trees. I surely would’ve been able to see some features, clothes, eyes, hair, something. Nope, nothing. I was frozen looking at this thing, realizing that it could definitely not be human. I started slowly walking forward and as soon as I picked my leg up, its as if I was looking in a mirror only it wasn’t my reflection. It moved with me at the same exact moment. I thought I was going crazy and turned slowly to walk the other way, curious, keeping my eyes locked on it. It did the same, without any hesitation. Halfway pooping my pants, halfway still curious, I turned around again and started walking the other way, faster this time. Sure enough, it did the same. I turned to face it, it did the same. I stopped, frozen in fear just staring at it. It stopped as well, staring right back. There we were. My shadow person and I, just staring at each other for what felt like an hour. In reality it was just a few seconds. What happened next made me feel like I was in a freaking horror movie. It lifted its hand and very slowly waved at me. I felt the biggest wave of fear rush over me. Curiosity wasn’t gonna kill this cat. I booked it back in the direction I came from. I felt like I was running a million miles a minute. My heart was in my toes and I kept looking back as I was running to make sure it wasn’t following me. I just kept going until I reached the busy basketball courts. I sat there for a while until I calmed down enough to drive home. I got home safely and have never seen that thing again. It was the only thing I could think about for months after. I tried to research what it could’ve been but to no avail. The closest thing I could find was Hatman and that wasn’t it. Only after, did I think about the fact that the park I was at is a memorial park of a Blue Angels captain who had passed away in an aviation accident nearby. It makes me wonder if maybe that was him, waving at me from beyond this realm. After all, the captain was a tall man with the same kind of build as that shadow. But the question is why?! I don’t know and I don’t believe I ever will know but I am okay with that. But what I do know is that I will never go walking trails alone again, no matter how busy or “safe” the area may be.