Friendly reminder of payment due

2 years in I found out about her 1.5 year affair with a married coworker. She has put a knives to my kidneys, thrown any and everything she can lift at me, including die cast 1/24 scale cars, 32 Oz insulated tumblers, her salt lamp that weighs approximately 5lbs, hit me with anything close by, you name it. But only when I call her out on the infidelities, yes multiple, i stopped counting at around 5. I've left multiple times, but the trauma bond and guilt trips have pulled me back in every time. I have a strained relationship with my one and only son(another story) and have barely gotten to see him since he was 8-9. He will be 16 in October. My Narc was fully aware of this and all the details and was super supportive to the extent of saying you can raise my son(because his father is rarely around) so I have been. He's 9 now and we're super close, this is now her leverage....she likes to remind me that he has no one because she knows it rips my heart apart. The cheating hasn't stopped. Shes alienated me from friends and family. When she found out I had been tested for STDs she was enraged, and all hell breaks loose and she says her goto reply over the last year and it's this (I've been good to you for 2 years) regardless of the times I have been told by friends/family, caught her, found undeniable proof. I have foolishly tried so hard to be what I though she wanted, good as I knew how to be, chivalrous, supportive, provided for her and the children, bought her another car when hers quit, bought gifts,took to raising both her children as my own, paid 2/3 of the living expense the duration because I earn slightly more. The list goes on and on. I can catch her lying about something everyday if I tried(became too disheartening, so I stopped) I have secured yet another place to stay(she knows nothing about it or where it is) so I can start over. I have tried to leave several times the past 6 months and she starts screaming and shoving me, will corner me in our bedroom and you guessed it, throw things at me while telling me what POS I am for wanting to leave. I can't touch her to subdue her because she is overweight and has health issues and she bruises like a ripe pear. The times I have she immediately screams abuse and threatens to have me arrested so again i submit. It's a tricky situation to escape from because we have cameras inside she works 2 blocks from our house and will zoom back here before I can get my property( basically what's left of my life's belongings which is about 2 truckloads at this point thanks in large part to her) and start the screaming,cussing, and destruction she has pulled the 72 hour DV hold in our county twice. She has her children lie for her as well. Sadly this is all they know. They beg her to stop when the screaming starts but she doesn't. They are merely tools/leverage to her. She alienated her son. I recently found out that her younger sister is actually her 1st child she had at 16 and her mother raises. Now I have been getting my property into 3 different places in the house so i can circle back after she leaves for work and hopefully get loaded and gone before she realizes. I have begged her to let me go, even offering to pay my part of everything for 3 months after I'm gone. She won't take it. The thing is I know she will lose the house without my income, rendering her kids homeless, but I can't take anymore, thinking about this consumes my day, I'm distracted by it. Depressed from it, etc. Am I wrong for leaving knowing she can't make it on her own??

Please bare with me as this will be a long one, it's my first ever post on reddit.
TW of child loss.
I (32f) my FH (35m) are getting married august this year. We live in Australia in a different state to both sides of our family. As we thought instead of picking between the two states we are from, we will have it where we are now.
History as I know all you lot love the background stories. We met in 2019, through tinder(in the state we currently both are atm). It was love at first sight for me. I already had a son who in 2019 was 8yo. My son adorned my partner, he would talk about future siblings and us getting married. Which led my partner n I picking wedding songs and talking about marriage. In 2021 my partner n I were a bit rocky. But my world came crashing apart when I got a phone call my son passed in a car crash. I flew back to my home state and well as you can imagine I was a mess. My family which I hadn't spoken to in 4 years due to being accused for something I did not do. They found out I didn't. But long story short I was in the head space to nit pick. My sons funeral happened and well I just got left by all my siblings to do the clean up my self while they went to the after do. I missed it. I'm only one person and I got blamed and made to feel like crap for it. And a lot other shit. In other words three of my siblings are arseholes. If they dont get their way. My sister we'll call her Petal(24), brothers Steve (31) n Bob (27).
My partner n I always stayed in contact but we spilt as he was still in the state we met. His boss wouldn't let him take time off etc. In the beginning 2023 I came back to the state to organise my sons stuff. Realising this man kept everything of his and mine in the same spot. He still looked after my cat n dog after all that time also. We rekindled and both realised the flame was always still there for each other. So by September last year we were ready to move forward with life as short as it is announce to our family's save the dates. Via Txt as we both have huge families, we would save the money this way.
A few weeks go by. I get a phone call from Steve. (Whom I havent spoken to since before coming up here as I had enough of always being cancelled on or never picking up my calls or barely responding to my texts) So I was like why am I getting a call. Turns out I just got questions after questions... well statements 'you never asked me to move' 'mum will be staying with me not you on your wedding' 'im not babysitting joey' youngest brother 12yo we I stated he would be other brother Dale (second youngest 21- they are all my siblings from my mother's side) as they are always together when Dale visits. I just focused on the positive. I knew he was wanting me to bite. Then when I was explaining joey would be walking behind my nieces with my sons photo Steve interrupted when are you getting married and laughed. He then said no, His daughter wasn't going to be wearing a dress she'll be wearing the same as her dad... and laughed. at the beginning of his save the date I put 'Aunty would love niece to be a flower girl if she would like' Remember no contact since this phone call at all. So I thought he was joking as he laughed. He then started repeating she was wearing the same as him. He also asked why would joey be following them and as I was explaining what I was thinking as my son would've wanted his cousins up there with him. I got cut off. I just planned all this and I said no I asked and you never responded. You never said no even when I spoke about the dresses. Apparently I just don't know what no sounds like and I've not changed and she is HIS flower girl for when him and his partner get married. I understand wanting your child to be apart of your wedding.... hence why I was trying to do what I know damn sure my boy would have done - to the point if they weren't in the party he would walk up to them n get them to help throw petal down the isle. I was upset. He rambled on and yelled shit at me and hung up when I said well if you didn't want her being a flower girl you could've just said it straight out.
I am still upset but I'm only upset due to he only brought it up when I was talking about what my son would want. If he had a problem with it why didn't he say it before hand. Later mum(51) found out him n his partner were upset I was getting married before them ( they have been engaged since 2021 and no mention of a wedding date) and they didn't want their daughter being someone else's flower girl before hand. Which again I understand so why not say that instead of starting the shit?
The next day Bob decided to tell me he couldn't come to the wedding as he doesn't know what his life would bring him to be doing then 🤦🏼‍♀️
Anyway I start to move forward with wedding planning . I let a friend know, as i was going to ask her to be a Bm. After saying getting married she bloody laughed so hard like i told the most funniest joke ever.... her daughter came in she is still laughing n said ' can you believe they are getting married' while wiping away tears from her eyes she laughed so hard. So I decided not to mention the bm part. She later started telling me what I should do for colours, who the bms should be, that the best man wears something different to the groomsmen. Etc. It was getting out of hand and everytime I mentioned we had decided what we are doing already is was wrong .... until she decided to make a competition with my unaware mother 'she better wear a dress or ill look better then her. Maybe even you' so I cut her out of my social group, my partner still thinks she was just helping. He needs the fog to clear.
I ask my best friend who I have known since 2017 and who was still there for me through the hard time of my son passing and still is to this day. Kel(43f) to be my MOH. My two sisters Petal n Kay(28f on father's side) as bridesmaids. As iTs tHe rIgHt tHiNg to do 🤦🏼‍♀️ at first I thought petal would flake first. If it's not her way she'll make some sort of version (even if it's LIES) that you did her wrong. I picked the dresses they were more then happy to pay for them. $160 ish each(aus). Well Kay went Mia for a few weeks. Then in January this year asked me if the place accepted afterpay. I said I know they accept Kalana or what ever its called. N then she was busting her arse for me to check.... she had the website I asked if she had her flights and accommodation prebooked. Nothing. As I was going to offer to pay for the dress if she was struggling. So I offered for her to come as a guest. 2 weeks NOT A SINGLE WORD. Not answering my calls or texts that wasn't even about the wedding. Its now Feb. I ask my cousin to be a back BM she was more then happy n as I was on the phone to her Kay said ' im getting a job so it'll be all sorted' now Kay is a sister who will take advantage for other people's hand outs. Where we are the closer to august you leave it your looking at 1600 n back minimum. N the week we are getting married not only with it be tourist session but race day also ( we forgot about race day 😅) After explaining this to her she decided with many more weeks in between she'll not come to the wedding at all.
So then it was my BF, petal and cousin.
Two weeks ago I got asked by my fathers (he is a dead beat) sister if he was invited. Long story short, I'm the child he never wanted. He never met my son at all while he was alive and loves to cause drama when it's not about him. He was a junkie when I first met him. So I politely said sorry no he is not and sorry for putting you in this position.
Just up until last week petal flaked. Family drama was happening and I pulled her up on her lies she had put in a group chat. She hadn't spoken to me since May. She would read the wedding chat but not respond. And I found out she had me on mute. Laste week I messaged her on the group chat, our private chat and text her can you aleast let me know whats going on. She came back with ' im not coming nor will I be in your wedding' I thanked her for letting me know. Went in the group chat for the wedding n she had already removed herself. N I blocked her shortly after my mum called. Mum had asked if I had heard from Petal. I told her what happened. Well, mum Being a mum was like 'ill get to the bottom of this' She asked why are you not part of the wedding anymore. My sister turned n said its not of your business. N then said I blocked her from the chat a while ago and I have not once messaged her n I'm mean. Mum caught her out n said she seen her lil picture keep up with the messaged just today etc. N she just banged on how no one understands her. So I blocked her.
I have now asked for my partners Sister to be a bm and she's more then happy to and I paid for her dress straight away so it should arrive to her before she is due to come up.
I found out in April my son will finally be a older brother like he always wanted. This is a miracle baby as I've had a few health problems with my uterus. To the point doctors said I might not even be able to do IVF. My partner n I are over the moon. I am in a a place where I'm happy and upset because my son is not here to witness what he always wanted. We have only told those that have been supportive, mu mum Dale and joey and my Sil.
All the stress of just my family has taken its toll. We have already paid majority of the wedding off and can't elope. I've lost all happiness for our day. I'm scared my father will rock up (he is spiteful like that) n im just deflated. With the add stress of being now 12weeks pregnant and still worried I could lose it at any point.
I have gotten all their jewellery, personalised pjs since Kay was involved. Personalised gifts and im paying for their hair and make up.
Kel my Moh is ready to go on a witch hunt. She's pissed that I have let it all go on for so long. So I'm trying to see if I am in the right or if I am in the wrong.
Am I being the Arsehole ? Bridezilla? Just feels no matter what happens in my life it's not good enough. If anything needs clearing up please let me know. Sorry for the long post. Thankyou in advance And if anyone has any advice ? Thankyou

Idk what happened. I always felt like she didn’t like giving blowjobs or something. Today she seemed very enthusiastic and wanted to give me head. I have to say it was so fantastic. It just felt so good. So fucking good!!!! Like damn. Just damn. Genuinely best blowjob I’ve ever gotten. I was in shock. I was really involuntarily moaning due to extreme pleasure. I want to cry tears of joy. I want to tell her all about it but due to some things in the past like me kind of “criticizing” her blowjob skill (very very shit move on my part and I apologized) I’m hesitant that it’ll sound disingenuous. I’m so happy she’s my girlfriend. Don’t know who to tell this too because I really don’t want to tell my friends something like this. So reddit can have it I guess. A singular blowjob has genuinely made me so happy I almost feel high. We had sex multiple times today but that blowjob was the most memorable thing for me. I’m gonna sleep like a baby tonight.

I'm going to add every ounce of context here that I can, and please, please don't comment at me being harsh or anything about my decision making here.
Previous Context:
I was in a 3 month relationship with a woman and we were both 25 at the time. During this relationship, she was horribly domestically violent. She broke my nose while I was driving, cheated on me, she would send nudes to other guys when she was mad at me, manipulated me and a bunch of other things I don't want to get into at this time. Needless to say, it was bad, dude. I walked into that relationship happy as a clam and walked out so different my parents (who I have never been overly close to) noted a massive change in my demeanour.
Shortly after breaking up, we discovered she was pregnant. For the first month or so, I was completely disassociated, and I couldn't talk to her without getting super super angry at her. I was so panicked by the news of being tethered to her for 18 years. But I eventually got it together, I provided support where I could while she was pregnant, got the nursery furniture, got a good job and worked hard and did all the dad things I was supposed to do.
Around December that year, It was revealed that the person she cheated on me with was a candidate for father as well, which wasn't great to learn, but shortly after the birth, he was ruled out through a paternity test. Which I did not get. So at this point in time, I am still the assumed father.
I didn't meet my son until 12 weeks old, when he was in the hospital for malnutrition and she couldn't stop me from seeing him. That's when child protective services got involved. And were involved for some time. But eventually, deemed that my son was safe and left it alone.
The first 2 years of his life, my ex was volatile. She would bounce between being really nice and hostile. And admittedly, I'd bite back, especially when it was about my son's safety. She was on different drugs and stuff, while I was clean and sober but eventually has stopped that behaviour since and is being a pretty good mum now. I think it must've taken some time for her to adjust, I guess... This whole time though, I haven't been on my son's birth certificate, and she has always held the typical "You're never gonna see him again!" over my head whenever she didn't get her own way. Until she got a restraining order against me for what the police even said are "Dogshit reasons" and then continued to threaten me with the restraining order until she eventually had me arrested, I was able to prove my innocence, thankfully. But she constantly made it difficult to see my son, it was always like I had to pay to see him, she had to benefit from it.
Fast forward to the end of 2022:
Towards the end of 2022, She was barely letting me see him, before I ended up moving back to my home town due to the housing crisis, I had only seen him once in a month. I would call and text, I would email and she would not budge. I didn't see him for 2 months and then got some time with him for Christmas, then again didn't see him for 3 months.
2023:
2023 was a crazy year, I was in a very bad relationship and I was doing my best to have a relationship with my son. I was engaging in mediation and we came to a great agreement. However, shortly after, I was able to visit my son and after that visit, she became very hostile and kept trying to argue with me over trivial things. (Like I wanted to do my own Christmas photos with my son, rather than send her $150 towards hers) I mentioned wanting to do a paternity test on him, for peace of mind and the birth certificate documentation and she said "I'll put you on his birth certificate but I'm not doing all that other bullshit" One August morning, she rung me 76 times in 2 hours over child support (I pay $200 a fortnight privately) and stressed me out and made me panic so much I called the police to make a note of it for any potential family court. The police filed for basic restraining order against her, she could still contact me. AND THEN NOTHING
8 months of nothing. No contact, no replies to emails, nothing.
In that time, I was emailing my intentions to launch family court and everything, and she wouldn't reply. So I did it. I initiated Family Court. And then after the first court date, she rung me, she didn't want to go through family court. She asked for mediation. She let me see my son. It was such a quick change. I didn't back down, I said "This is where we're at, family court" She blames me for the stress she's under cause of Family Court, like I didn't spend months telling her how bad it would be.
For a month, she told me I should move back to the city to spend more time with my son, and I agree'd. But I moved back 2 weeks ago and she rung me on Day 1. and Said she was filing for me to see him 1 day a fortnight or not at all. My dad and my friends have said "Walk away, you can't live in a storm all your life" and want me to move back to my home town. I'm so lost and I don't know what to do. Reddit, any advice?
tdlr; My son's mother just keeps making things difficult with my son.

Hello, everyone.
I am a struggling 30 y.o. guy who can't land a job for anything. I am on the verge of losing everything because of bad jobs, mental health breaks from said jobs, and a massive inability to make myself or my resume sound better. I need massive help as there is no way to quantify anything I did for work over my years due to the relocations and military life of my spouse. I am using my indeed resume at this point and can't figure out the buzzwords I need to be chosen and not automatically ignored.
I am desperate, hence why I am asking here. I have no clue how to write my resume or redo it in a manner where I can be selected. I had friends who are professional resume writers for Fortune 500 companies, and even they said my resume and job sets are beyond saving. I feel absolutely hopeless and stare down the barrel of a proverbial gun at this point. I am too embarrassed to post it publicly, but can anyone please help me get at least a foot in a door. I would be happy to get an interview and not another personality test where my ADHD works against me in these scenarios.
Sincerely,
A Desperate Man

I just want confirmation my parents are narcissist.
So... my mom has never really been loving. My dad had/had PTSD. It is his way or the highway. My mom will straight up tell people "I learned to ignore him", "I never wanted another kid, I should've got my tubes tied after the first one, his dad is the only reason I didn't get an abortion". She will buy me things, and then when i'm telling her she is acting horribly yelling at me for something minimal (not writing a note in the cashapp for example) and then say "I wasn't treating you horribly when I bought you this thing earlier!!"
I don't remember the last time I got a hug from either one of my parents.
My parents never actually helped me get my license, they claim they "Tried to teach me!!" but got about 20 driving hours for me, refused to fill out the time sheets, and would yell and freak out at every mistake I made on the road. They bought me a barely driveable $900 grandam @ 18 after I was told i'd get a new car when I graduated (I am 22 and graduated in 2020) I was expecting like a decent condition 2007-2008 car that would reliably get me from point a to point b but was bought a 2002 wrecked grandam with hood latches due to deer wreck damage and struts so bad that the back end would slide out from under it on minimal potholes and tires that I had the fill back up daily to keep it off the ground. $900 car that required $2000 worth of repairs. I had to eventually buy my own car (they never helped me fix it depaite my dad being a literal jet mechanic) and drive it back and forth from work illegally until I got good enough at driving to get my license, because it was apparently easier for my mom to continue driving me to work on her lunch break and picking me up from work at 7 then to spend a few weekends and hours after work some days with me preparing for a drivers test. They then sold the car randomly and were planning on pocketing the money until I told them hell no that was my 18th birthday gift and that was my money.
Both my mother and my dad would get physically aggressive and spank pretty excessively but not to the point where I was like "this is abuse". As I grew older and grew to be a bigger teenager it turned into them moreso actually trying to physically fight me, me running as to avoid a fight as they yelled things like "I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR F***ING HEAD OFF" and locking myself in my room or running around outside until they were no longer violently angry.
One time I got a full blown blender thrown at my shoulder as a kid because I didn't help my dad find his shoes when he was late to meet some of his work friends, he also in that instance chased me a quarter way down our street (thankfully I was like 16 5'10 and fast) before going home and cooling down.
One time he also threw a tape measure at my shin and I still have a mark in my shin bone from that.
Lots of promises that were never kept and were forgot about. "If you help me with this massive months long hard process I will buy you shing expensive thing" helps and never gets said thing but gets yelled at the whole time for not doing things "the right way"
My mom also called me ugly as a kid, told people in front of me (and I quote) "Yeah I was pissed when he came out with red hair, i don't like red heads!"
She would tell people I was a little bastard and would tell them the amount of adhd medication I was on and how it was enough for like 2 adults (i already started questioning why the hell I was on that amount of adhd medication in the first place, i was basically m37hed out on adderall and vyvanse and concerts as a 7-14 year okd kid)
One time she bought me a pokeball as a kid at walmart, and our way home I did something she didn't like and she grabbed the pokeball and chucked it out the window and bragged to people about it
One year my brother got a laptop and an ipod and some other stuff and ya boy got some action figures
My mom thrrows a fit that I don't "contribute in the house" or clean when I stick to my area of the house, don't use the kitchen or dishes (i have my own dishes I use and I eat out mainly so i don't have to deal with them) and don't created that messes that need to be cleaned up and I keep my areas of the house clean. I could probably go count 7 wrappers and 6 pop cans and 3 plates down on our kitchen bar right now and I do not spend any time in the kitchen but I am apparently supposed to clean that stuff up as well as do the dishes that I don't use.
My dad will say "Here i'll tell you what you need to do" and if I do anything other than agree with him he will say "well then you're f***int stupid"
My dad would get violently angry at you if there was a tiny piece of lettuce in his taco or anything but meat and cheese on his burger and if you laugh at him for how ridiculous he is reacting he redirects that anger and amplifies it towards you
My parents and brother would kinda gang up and do things that would "trigger" me and laugh and yell at me when I reacted badly.
I just want confirmation that this is narccisism. I've been looking for what to call my experience with my parents for a while and I think this is it.

My daughter is 16 and has been diagnosed with autism, anxiety, depression, bi-polar disorder, and borderline personality disorder. She has been in three different programs, two of which she was expelled due to her defiance and conduct. She has been at Red Hawk for the past six months.
When looking for a program online for your daughter, you will quickly become inundated with negative posts about therapeutic boarding schools including RHA. When reviewing these negative posts, you always need to keep in mind that many of the posts are written by individuals who: (1) never had a daughter who attended the school, (2) "heard" about the program but have no first hand knowledge, or (3) disgruntled, upset, and emotionally charged kids who may or may not have attended the school. It is utterly frustrating to read negative posts about RHA and not be able to counter the posts.
Here are a few negative RHA posts that I would like to dispel:
1) There is inappropriate conduct by the staff (my favorite example - owners asking the girls to rub their feet): FALSE - our daughter has never reported any inappropriate conduct by any staff member. While you may think that my daughter (and the others) can't truthfully report what is going on at the facility, what you may not know, is that I visit my daughter every three months. I went to visit her in April and she stayed in a hotel room with us for three nights. If there was something going on at the school she would have told us.
2) The girls can't get calls or mail: FALSE - we speak to our daughter every week. She also writes us letters that are scanned and sent via email. The family can send letters via email or regular mail. I know she receives the letters because she sends a written response or we discuss the letter on a video call. In regards to the calls - the calls are all video calls. We get to talk and see our daughter every week.
3) It is dangerous to give guardianship to RHA: FALSE - I admit that I was scared when I was asked to sign a document giving temporary guardianship to RHA. But then, I thought about it logically. My daughter lives in another state and I need to someone to have the legal right to make choices/decisions on daughter's behalf. I will not risk the health and well-being of my daughter due to my own ungrounded fear in allowing temporary guardianship. More importantly, I truly trust RHA staff and know that they have the well-being of my daughter in mind when making decisions.
I have not covered all negative posts, but addressed some of the posts that stood out to me.
HERE IS MY MESSAGE TO YOU: I love my daughter unconditionally. Above all else, I want her to be happy and healthy. It was a difficult decision to send her away, and there are many days that I am sad she is not living with us. Sometimes I wish she could come home. But, then I remind myself why she is at RHA. She is there because she needs help, help that we could not provide her. She was breaking the family and in the process destroying herself. My greatest act of love was to send her to a program where she can get the help she needs.
The only program that has been successful for our family is RHA. RHA offers a safe and caring environment. The staff listen to us and guide us to making the best decisions for our family and our daughter. RHA offers encouragement and support to our daughter. It is hard to think about where my daughter would be if we did not seek help for her last year.
Words of wisdom, when you call a program or visit a program, pay attention to your gut instinct. Ask for the telephone numbers of parents who have had a daughter in the program. Not all therapeutic boarding schools are bad and abusive. Talk to the head of the school/program and make sure you feel heard and understood by that person. The first time I called Valerie, I had a really good feeling. She had a positive attitude and answered each and every question I asked. She was not evasive and she was forthright with her responses. Sometimes, you need to take a leap of faith, and that leap led me to RHA.
For parents of daughters who struggle, remember that you are not alone and there are options for you and your daughter. Every so often, I see glimpses of my sweet daughter, and I hope that for you!
Wish you all the best!

Date: 5/26/24
Location: Buffalo, NY
Time: 3:19:01
My Strava for More Information. Give me a follow if you feel so inclined :)
Sorry to be be dramatic with the title. I promise I'm not posting this SOLELY for internet sympathy. I realize I might seem ungrateful but I just feel like I left a large amount of time out on the course and I'm not entirely sure how I would correct my performance if I could. I'm a newer marathon runner who has made a lot of progress in the last year by training super hard, cross training, cleaning up my diet, recovering, etc... . I want to learn as much as I can from this experience. I could use the perspective of some more experience runners.

Goal	Description	Completed
A	3:05 BQ	no
B	3:07	no
C	3:10	no

Background:
This was my 2nd Marathon. My first marathon was a 3:28:30 at Wine Glass in Corning, NY, 6 months ago (10/1/23). My marathon training follows my weight loss story, starting in November 2022; 230 lbs (104 kg) down to 183 lbs (83 kg) today. For reference, I am a 6'-2" male. I ran a few half marathons prior to 2022 but my training has been on and off for the last 5 years and never more than 25 miles per week.
My training leading up to my first marathon followed a fairly long MAF intensity build (30 mpw at the end) leading into Advanced Marathoning - Pfitz 18/55 with the "Long Run" & "Medium Long Run" done at MAF effort. I knew I was compromising on speed by doing this however, the mileage seemed intimidating at the time. I later committed to follow the Pfitz pace instruction for these runs for my Buffalo block (10%-20% Marathon pace for the last 5-10 miles)
Following my first marathon, I was lucky to have a very experienced friend (2:37 marathoner) coach me though another Pfitz block. I decided to set the goal of running under 3 hours in 2024. My goal time for Buffalo was initially 3:15 to get me half way there. As you will read, that quickly changed...
Training:
Pre Pfitz Block - 1 month mostly off running after Wine Glass. 10 weeks running build prior to Pfitz 18/55. In this 10 weeks, I focused heavily on zwift indoor cycling (zwift academy, rapha 500, alp du zwift >60, etc) and was running 30-35 mpw using the 80:20 rule. The last 3-4 weeks I just did the first 2 weeks of the pfitz plan over and over again. I think the cross training severed me very well to lose weight and strengthen my overall fitness
Pfitz 18/55 - First 9 Weeks - I feel like I made a lot of progress in the first half of this training plan with the following race times reflecting my gains; Wk. 4 Lake Effect Half Marathon 1:37:17, Wk. 9 Syracuse Half Marathon 1:31:51 (a very hilly course covered in ice.) These races gave me a lot of confidence knowing that I did not taper for them at all. I used the VDOT 02 predictor for marathon and saw 3:22 and 3:11 equivalent Marathon times and got very excited.
Pfitz 18/55 - Last 9 Weeks - Using my new predicted marathon time of 3:10 , I started really pushing my long runs and found that I could sustain 7:40 pace consistently on my final 10 miles of my long runs. I was also pushing the first part of these long runs to stay under 8 min / mile. I felt like I had alot of success initially pushing the pace during these workouts. I ran several non-tapered tune-up races: Wk. 14 10k 40:58, Wk. 16 10k 40:35. These results gave me the confidence to go for a 3:05 marathon. On Wk. 13, I did a 18 mi run w/ 14 miles at marathon pace and my heart rate was very high and I struggled to stay at 7:05. I chalked this up to training fatigue but in retrospect this should have been a red flag?
Pre-race:
I regret doing a bit of dieting prior to my carb load at the beginning of my taper, knowing I would gain some weight lbs in the week before the race. During the last 3 days of the taper, I ate too much bread and pasta and felt overly full up until the night before the race. My typical diet of 80% whole food plant based really fell out of sorts. I'm not a vegetarian or anything, but I find this helps me keep my weight down. Hydration and electrolytes were OK.
Race:
The strategy was to go out at 7:08/mi through 16 miles and make a decision to negative split to 6:57/mi for the last 10, or try to hang-on for a 3:07.
The day ranged from 55 degrees to the low 70s but very humid. The course was very hazy at times. I did not feel burdened by the weather but I'm sure it had some effect.
I had a maurten non-caf gel every 4-5 miles. I stopped at most water stations.
Miles 1-10 - I was surprised by the ease of my goal pace, even banking some time on a few down-hill miles. I regret this.
Miles 10-13 felt like I needed to push a small amount to keep pace but I let me self slow down 5-10 seconds per mile to minimize fatigue.
Miles 13-15 definitely required some effort to maintain pace. This effort reminded me of the early miles of the 10% marathon pace for the long runs. I did not feel like I was about to bonk at this time.
Miles 16 - I felt confident enough to speed up and test a sub 7 minute pace which I achieved for the first mile. The next 7 miles were incredible hard for me with the lactate really building up in my muscles. I progressively slowing to a 9:21/ mi pace a mile 24. I feel like I had done an OK job creating an environment during training where I needed to push through pain however, this level of muscle fatigue did not feel like it could be overcome with grit. I found my self periodically walking for 10 seconds to regain my composure. This part of the race left me with a lot of doubt about my fitness level.
Mile 25 - I saw the 3:20 pacer and decided to beat him with a very difficult last mile given the down-hill nature of the last mile.
Conclusions:
My lack of experience at this distance leaves me with more questions and than answers unfortunately. Part of me thinks I had no business shooting for a 3:05 to begin with, and that I should have read the signs and the difficulty of my predicted marathon pace during my long runs. I certainly hope to be testing this more in the future before setting a goal time. I would like to think that I may have had a chance at going under 3:10 or 3:15 if I had paced the race better and did not mess with my diet as much. Typically, when I have bonked before my heart-rate skyrockets. Here, I can only attribute my fatigue to lactic acid since my heart-rate was mostly in control and my breathing did not feel like the limiting factor.
I would love to hear advice and thoughts on this race as I recover and start training for Wineglass Marathon again in the fall marathon.
Thanks in Advance(d) for your advice,
Ken

Mile	Pace	Elev (ft)	Heart Rate (Max 190)
1	7:08	63	148
2	6:53	-15	161
3	6:56	-44	160
4	7:06	23	164
5	7:04	28	165
6	6:57	-37	164
7	6:54	-18	165
8	7:13	-15	163
9	7:14	7	164
10	7:12	-15	159
11	7:09	-1	165
12	7:07	0	171
13	7:13	26	169
14	7:17	28	167
15	7:34	26	167
16	7:15	-34	167
17	6:53	-24	168
18	7:10	24	171
19	7:42	3	165
20	7:51	-13	166
21	8:28	-11	156
22	8:08	1	160
23	8:59	20	154
24	9:20	8	151
25	9:02	37	155
26	7:54	-62	155

I have diagnosed (and mostly "pure") OCD. In the past, while using altnoid cannabis I experienced thinking so abstract that I found it hard to cope with. I have come to realize recently that this is not at all healthy or normal.
I have many of the listed risk factors: cannabis use in adolescence, consumption of amphetamine (and twice low doses of acid), some childhood adversity, birth in late winter, and an early father.
My thinking is increasingly bizarre. Or at least *feels* that way. I am careful to rigorously apply critical thinking and dialectical skills to my thoughts, but still feel that I'm thinking in an increasingly abstract way. Nobody has remarked that anything I've said recently sounds "insane" -- but I think that my friends generally see me as an odd bird, anyway. Some thoughts that I have are so abstract that they feel impossible to articulate, as if I'm perceiving noumena.
I have been doing well most of the past two weeks. I feel that applying CBT and DBT principles within my self-reflection has been enormously helpful. However, I increasingly experience a powerful compulsion to refine my logic and general thinking to near-perfection. Critical thinking is excellent, but I'm becoming far, far too critical. I fear that if I engage in too many fallacies, or buy into the wrong ideas I risk being worse off and even bringing harm to myself and others.
It's actually incredible to me. Every seemingly-intuitively-harmful thought that I handwave with dialectics is succeeded by a more complex, more elusive and difficult to disprove thought. The more lucid I am, the better my cognitive functioning becomes, the more advanced my OCD becomes as well -- since it lives inside of me. I feel like I'm playing on an expert difficulty and that nobody can sympathize with me. It reminds me of the Veil from the Doctor Who episode Heaven Sent
I would love to provide better, more specific examples of the more "difficult" thoughts that I'm having, but they morph extremely fast and are difficult to pin down long enough to articulate.
I feel an intense fear about presenting as insincere.
I feel an intense fear that my actions are motivated by malice that I'm unconscious of.
I don't know how to cope with the fact that some aspects of my unconscious psyche could be quasi-noumenal and totally unknowable while still informing my behaviors.
Would it be helpful to be intentionally insincere to prove to myself that nothing bad will happen?
It feels like the capacity for analysis that I've always been proud of having has been unexpectedly turned against me. I am struggling and uncertain of everything.

I have a friend who is in need of a place to rent in the areas of Disney World, Winter Garden or Clermont. Preferably a full small studio or one bedroom apartment. He also has 4 cats. He is a hard worker, very reliable and can afford rent, however the issue he is facing is due to unfortunate circumstances he had to voluntarily vacate/ terminate his apartment lease in 2022 due to a mix up in covid rental assistance and unfortunately this resulted in going to collections with National Credit Systems. On top of that he does have poor credit that overall he is working to improve and get back on his feet. He just needs a place to rent while he is recovering from the past.
He has been staying at extended stay hotels but that is very costly. He has considered a roommate but no luck with that. A lot of scams out there to.
Any advice would be great!

Hi all! We’ve made this thread for finding study partners and groups for the September 2024 GAMSAT. We hope that by doing so we will be able to funnel everyone into one place to find study partners, rather than having multiple people individually posting, many of which are for the same locations and looking for the same things, which hopefully will make it easier to connect with one another.
Please feel free to post your location/what you’re looking for in a study group/partner below!
I also wanted to give a friendly reminder that we have a discord server! The discord is a place to study together on video/voice call, for discussing questions for s1 and s3, and reading/reviewing each other's s2 essays- a lot of which is hard/not really feasible to arrange/do via reddit. It is also a place to just chat with other applicants and medical students, ask questions about the application process and different medical programs, and also for MMI practice when that time comes. The discord community is great, and we are always happy to meet new people, so please join us if you are interested or think you would benefit from it!

This question has been made before but not for the current year economic recession or depression and taking into account health issues preventing physical work. The trades are from my understanding a no go due to IBD but that is what is in demand in USA now and in the near future other than doctors according to my research.
Doctors in my area do not want to prescribe anything and if they do it is not biologics because they do not want to waste time fighting insurance companies. Even the IBD "specialists" lacerated my intestines with a colonoscopy and refused to prescribe anything afterwards but rather demanded another colonoscopy even after showing evidence of profuse bleeding and fecal calprotectin over one thousand (coercion with no intention of ever giving me what I need), I need to move somewhere else to get access to better healthcare but a job is required first, only worked a few years so my SSDI payments will be very low if I go through the hell of getting it. It must not be overly saturated, for the disabled cant compete in capitalism. If there is none then comment there is none.
My software engineering career is dead, the market in USA is done, I suspect the overwhelming majority of software engineering will be outsourced permanently the way things are going. Job gaps are unacceptable for people with job gaps must starve to death according to managerial parasites, this effectively untreated for life disease crippled my intellect, energy levels and gave me anxiety when it was easy to get a job in my field, so I failed, even back then there was filtering for anyone that was not good or disabled. Too dumb to survive the job I previously got too, did not act appropriately to survive being set up for failure and scapegoated by my superiors.

Turning 20 this summer. Staying with my mom due to college. I currently have a curfew of 9:30pm, which I have respected, but want to stay out later. I don’t even do anything crazy, I usually stay at a friends house or go out in public to try a new cafe or something. But my mom is super paranoid. She sends me multiple news articles of crimes around the area, therefore preventing me from staying out too late. She has installed cameras for “protection”, but uses it to watch what I’m doing. I’m an adult and I can basically do what I want without her controlling me, but I also want to respect her since she is looking out for me. How would I approach talking to her about this issue? She says she treats me as an adult, but is constantly placing these restrictions. I used to have an 8:30pm curfew which she has “gracefully” extended.

Hello everyone, I wanted to address a common misconception regarding the ongoing boycott of products from companies that support or have any relationship with Israel due to the Palestine-Israel conflict.
Some people in India, including my friend, believe that Pepsi products manufactured by PepsiCo India are independent of PepsiCo Inc. and thus are not involved in any way with the parent company's actions or affiliations. However, this is not true. PepsiCo India is a subsidiary of PepsiCo Inc., and any purchase of Pepsi products indirectly supports the parent company.
Imagine you are funding harm of our brothers and sisters. Haven't you heard about their disregard for children and women? They are often the main targets. Shame on IDF. Think of it this way: 1 Pepsi = 1 bullet aimed at innocent children.
https://reddit.com/link/1d32j52/video/p9v0ajl7aa3d1/player
For those interested in more information, you can check all the subsidiaries of PepsiCo Inc. and all the brands owned by PepsiCo. Additionally, here is another a website that includes a variety of tools to support our brothers and sisters in Palestine and help in boycotting companies that support or are affiliated with Israel. One of the best tools it offers is an app (No Thanks & Boycatapp) that allows you to scan the QR code of a product or search for it, and it will tell you whether to boycott it or not.
Please don't think that it's "JUST" Rs. 10 (12 cents USD) and that it won't affect such giant companies with huge turnovers. If we all start thinking, "It's just Rs. 10, what difference can it make?" it will collectively make a huge impact. Personally, I have been boycotting these companies so rigorously that Even when ordering other products, regardless of the discounts offered, I refuse to purchase from these companies. To me, these products simply do not exist.
Let's not stop talking about Palestine. Inshallah, it will be free one day. Free Palestine.
Thankyou!

Let me give some backstory because there were 3 main “events” that led me to eventually ghosting this person. (Please forgive me, this may end up a little lengthy. Also, this wasn’t written as well as the first draft but that one got deleted)
Event #1: In high school, there were 4 of us that were really close. We will call them each, Diana, Julia, and Jack. Julia worshiped Diana. Diana could do no wrong in Julia’s eyes. Diana and Jack were a couple. They dated the majority of high school. All the way up to the summer before our senior year. Obviously, it was hard on the couple, but it was also difficult for ALL of their friends because we were expected to pick a side. Julia took Diana’s side, no questions and no doubts. It felt like I was the only one that wanted to remain neutral because I considered both Diana and Jack really good friends. Not just the typical, Jack was a friend because he was Diana’s boyfriend. Anyways, trying to remain neutral I gave support to both of them, the best I could. Jack confided in me that the reason he broke off the relationship was he had become overwhelmed by the drama Diana created. This made sense to me because Diana CRAVED drama. She created drama All. The. Time. (Looking back, I have no idea how I was friends with either of them. These friendships were just those friendships that some how… became and existed) The break up launched a series of dramatic situations created by Diana that escalated. These situations ended with Diana sleeping with a random guy from our school, 2 maybe 3 weeks after breaking up, and she ended up pregnant. The school year started up and as more kids found out about her pregnancy, the more rumors started going around. The biggest one – Jack was the father. Pregnant teens were absolutely not common in my high school. And Jack was being blamed for the situation Diana was in. Feeling empathy for my friend, I continued to be Jacks friend because most of his other friends were isolating him and giving him the cold shoulder. (To make it completely clear – Jack and I only felt friendship for each other, nothing more.) Julia hated that I was continuing to be Jacks friend. Julia accused me of betraying Diana and yelling at me for even talking to him - Jack: the one that got Diana pregnant. Julia said that she knew I couldn’t be trusted and was a horrible friend. The kicker? Julia and I knew who got Diana pregnant. Diana told us. Julia fed the rumors about Jack being the father, even though she knew the truth! For the sake of keeping the peace and adhering to the “Girl Code” I had to let the friendship with Jack dwindle to an occasional friendly wave in the hallway. A rift between Diana & Julia and myself grew regardless. The way they treated me began to change – talking down to me and keeping me out of conversations. I can guarantee they had conversations behind my back (as teenage girls do.) I can also guarantee Julia was the mastermind because Diana was too busy with the drama/attention of her pregnancy to notice anything or anyone else. I was already dealing with things at home and on top of it, had to maneuver the drama with my so called best friends. Julia doing this hurt so much because friends don’t do that. On top of it, I had a similar situation happen in middle school with a previous group of friends.
Event #2: (my main reason I don’t consider them a friend) Through Jr and Sr High school I had a crush mostly on one guy. There were other little crushes, but he was always the main one. We will call him Mark. Mark and I were actually really good friends. He was in a different friend group than Diana, Jack, and Julia. He and his friend welcomed me into their group when the drama was happening our senior year. Mark actually knew I had a crush on him. He was as kind as possible when he turned me down. Mark said he was committed to his own crush (who turned him down, saying she didn’t want to date in high school) Mark believed she was “the one” and was trying to not date anyone else as a sign of loyalty to her. Realizing Mark wasn’t going to change his mind, I had a hard time pretending and convincing myself I shouldn’t and didn’t have a crush on him. Doing so actually opened a door for Mark and I to become even closer friends. I hung out with him and his two guy friends a lot. Especially after we graduated high school. In fact, the majority of that calendar year, I basically didn’t spend any time with Diana and Julia. At the end of that year, the holiday season, all of the sudden Mark wasn’t hanging out with us as much. Our two friends told me he had a girlfriend. I assumed it was the girl he had a crush on. Especially because our friends said things like “he is picking up his girlfriend from the high school.” (his crush was the year behind us) a few weeks went by and it was almost Christmas. One of my friends was throwing a Christmas party, a bunch of us were invited. While I was hanging out in the front room with others, Mark came in through the front door, his girlfriend behind him. I couldn’t help but look in disbelief. His girlfriend wasn’t his crush, but was none other than Julia. Julia was also in the year behind us and was still going to school. Julia noticed me looking and as Mark turned away from her, she grabbed him, turned him back toward her and kissed him. I was already trying to tell myself it wasn’t a big deal. But then Julia, mid-kiss, looked straight at me. The kiss wasn’t very long but still. Some of you may argue that she was “concerned” about my reaction. But it was her grin and wave afterwards that told me Julia was gloating. Gloating that she was now dating the guy I had a crush on for years. And despite trying to deny it, I still had a crush on him. I left that friend group as well because I knew Julia was going to be there more often, which would inevitably ruin that group for me as well. I didn’t want to deal with the drama and hurt so I cut my losses.
Event #3: (the reminder event) A couple years later, Diana and Julia were married with kids. They had moved out of town, Julia even moved out of state. I got a message from Julia, sent to both Diana and I, asking if we would like to meet for lunch the next week because she (Julia) was coming into town to see family. As best as I could tell, Diana and Julia went their separate ways after we all graduated high school. For the sake of the friendship we once had, I agreed to meet. The day came, we get our food and sit down. They immediately start talking about their husbands and kids. Which is totally understandable, we were there to catch up. Thing is, I was still single – no kids, no husband. So I couldn’t add much to the conversation to relate and there wasn’t much of an opportunity to even ask questions. I finished my lunch while listening to them talk. At this point, 30-45 minutes went by and no one asked me how my life was going beyond the initial “How are you?!” when we first met up and got in line to order our food. Feeling very much like a third wheel, I wanted a chance to talk with my old friends. Finding an opportunity to organically get involved, I did so. I don’t remember what the conversation was about but I do remember I added to the conversation by saying something as simple as “Have you seen that movie yet?” Julia looked me dead in the eyes, said something specifically in response to my question and added “You aren’t even married or have a kid yet, you wouldn’t understand.” Diana laughed a little and added, “Not yet” They then continued to talk about their kids till it was decided we had been there long enough (a total of nearly 2 hrs) Today, I am married and have a kid of my own. I could talk about my kid all day long. But I don’t, because I considered it a basic social skill to be able to talk about other things. Especially to keep others involved in conversation. After this last situation, I was reminded of the way she treated me. So, I committed to keeping both, specifically Julia at a distance. At first Julia would try to convince me to visit her where she lived. Even after getting married. It eventually dwindled down to maybe 1 or 2 messages from her a year. Through all this time I give very minimal responses if Julia Facebook messages me.
I never confronted either of them about everything because I knew it would cause more drama that wasn’t worth dealing with.
So AITA?
Some of you may be looking for the petty. Well, to keep it short, Mark and I started dating 5 years after graduating high school. We have been together for 9 ½ years, married 7 ½ years, and have a beautiful 3yr old girl.
If you guys want an update on his experience dating Julia (he says it was the worse relationship he had) and how Mark and I ended up together, lmk!

I have a shipment coming from Canada to Missouri. It has a ICOD for customs charge. My debit card hasn't come in the mail, had to get a new one due to fraudulent activity. Anywho, if I don't have the new card by Friday, what form of payment will the delivery driver accept? I looked all over the website and all I found was "limited forms of payment accepted by delivery drivers."

[CW: talk of ableism and trauma]
——————————-
TL;DR: My dad said to my mom when I took out my new fidget toy after a fairly traumatic day: “he’s (not my preferred pronouns) just going into ‘Autistic Mode’”. He said that he would look into group homes tomorrow again because I “treat them like shit”. I shut down around them, and have been doing so for at least a week or more. I don’t have a job, freshly graduated from college as of December, and I have been struggling to get interviews. I have been using my university’s career services and got accepted into Vocational Rehab, but my parents keep threatening to kick me out of the house and be done with me.
——————————
For reference, I am highly confident I am Autistic and ADHD, but I have not been officially diagnosed. I have a referral and am in the process. My med manager is treating me with non-stimulants which work well and have increased executive function. I have also been exploring my being queer over the last few years, but only recently tried to explain to my parents in totality last November.
I knew they are queerphobic, and I knew that I annoy / upset them when I don’t talk and engage, and that when I talk it’s too much and not about the right thing. I just wanted to believe I was wrong. I wanted to believe I was reading into things because I’ve had so many past experiences where what I felt and what I thought turned out to be false. And they say they love me, and they love me so much that they hate to see me in pain, and so I wanted to believe that it’s true.
The last few days have been hard. My parents had family friends over (that have known me since I was a baby, and they have two adult children that didn’t come this round) for memorial day weekend from out of state. Since seeing the friends last, I have been doing a lot of self-discovery and further accepting the queer parts of myself. I hadn’t been planning to change my name, until by happenstance I found one online that I wanted to be mine due to it's simplicity and androgynous nature. But my parents (and my brother, though he has trans friends) have not been supportive. I just thought they raised me and gave me a name they picked out and so didn’t want to use a new one. It doesn’t make it better, but it’s something.
But they have made it clear in past conversations that it would be unfair for me to tell family friends and extended relatives. And so I spent all of last week before the weekend trying to debate whether I should tell the family friends that were coming over in a text message before they arrived. I tried to summon the courage, but I ended up not doing that. So when I first saw them, I shut down when their first words were “Hey, ”. I decided that I would make myself scarce because I knew I would just keep shutting down and having trouble speaking with them. Literally, it would be the same as with my parents where either the words don’t come or I don’t have the energy to get them past my throat.
So, I tried to be polite when I saw them and just didn’t engage in extensive conversation. When they left, my dad told me I was rude and selfish, and that I need to write them a letter to apologize. I ended up sending them a text today to apologize (didn't explain everything), but I didn’t want to send a letter because I am tired of using my dead name, and I would need to sign it.
I have been trying to avoid my parents even though we live in the same house because I don’t have a job yet. I recently graduated from college in December, but I have not been able to get interviews. I have been making use of my university’s career services and made appointments with the head of engineering to make my resume more appealing in terms of software engineering. I graduated with Interdisciplinary Studies focusing on Computer Science, Creative Writing, and Linguistics. I just want a job right now, and computer jobs pay well. I am hoping to figure out something beneficial in Creative Writing later, maybe Ghost Writing or something that might pay better than that. I also got accepted to use Vocational Rehab, and so I have been working with them.
But, since I am avoiding my parents, they believe I am trying to make it clear that I hate them. They consistently say that I “treat them like shit” and I am “lazy and just want an easy life”. Today has been a hard day after all the turmoil over the last week, and so I have had very little energy. I thought I could be experiencing depression, but I know what that feels like and where it leads. I am not there yet. So, I think the best word to describe it is probably dejected. Like the people who are constantly in my life don’t want me. In the late afternoon, I decided I didn’t just want to sit up in my room anymore, so I drove down to my bookstore to browse, and then checked to see if I could refill my meds. I had about an hour where I started feeling happy and enjoying myself, especially being able to browse the books and look at the descriptions on the back and recording the ones I want to read for later.
When I got home for dinner so my parents didn’t get mad, it was like all that happiness disappeared the moment I saw them. I could not move my face even if I wanted to, to pretend like I was cheery and all right. We got dinner out, and then I sat down. The counselor I like seeing at career services is also an ADHDer. I saw her last week to go over more plans for jobs, and she showed me the various baskets of stim toys she keeps on her bookshelf to hand out to students. She gave me one that’s a tightly knit, long rectangle and has a small glass ball inside. You squeeze it and the ball moves back and forth.
I haven’t used stim toys much growing up because I thought I was supposed to bear all the frustration and anxiety. But I have been trying to treat myself kinder over the last few months. So, I’ve been taking that stim toy with me, and had it when I went to the bookstore. With dinner set up, my parents were trying to get me to interact and “be better”. Without thinking, I took out the stim toy. My dad said I was going into “Autistic Mode” and that they can’t do anything. He will look at group homes again tomorrow.
…
Up until that moment, I had doubts. I thought that they really were trying to accept me and it was just hard, especially with all the queerness and years of mental health management (since 2019 when I broke down). But over the last month or so, I’ve had various times where I needed to record my mental health history for intake and I started talking about my parents and how I am starting to recognize the gaslighting and emotional abuse.
I have also been trying hard to remember the good moments. But I can't remember a moment where I was showing signs I am clearly Autistic or ADHD, and that they genuinely enjoyed and loved it. Especially as I've gotten older. I remember them expecting me to get good grades in school from the beginning. If it wasn't "A"s they were upset, and if I failed a test they told me to study again and took me down to school to convince the teacher to let me test again. If I couldn't prove I knew the material and the teacher didn't let me retake it, then I was shunned on the way home.
I want so much to be wrong. I want so much for them to be right and that it's me who is abusing them like they say it is. I don't know why--I don't really feel any emotional love for them and I don't think I ever did, I just don't want them to suffer--but if I am the one who's hurting them then maybe I can change and stop. Maybe I can get better and show them love and be nice to them like they deserve. I wouldn't need to make a plan to estrange myself from them when I am on my feet to better take care of myself. I wish it was me.
I don't know why I am writing all of this. You all have your own problems and don't need to load on mine, and I am not going to pretend I have it the worst even just in my own city. I also feel manipulative, like I am only writing the bad parts and that I should try to remember and describe the good parts.
I just don't have anyone I can talk to right now. I have been out of therapy for a few months. I have been on wait lists for more experienced therapists dealing with gender-affirming care, since that has become a bigger problem. I have something scheduled for the middle of next month with a more general therapist and a referral to a specialized therapist as well.
But I just want to talk to someone who understands. I don't have that in my life. When doctors ask me if I have anyone I can just vent to or trust, I can't think of anyone. I have one friend, but since graduating we only meet up once a month. I can share a lot with her and she is supportive, but then I feel like that one meeting is filled with me trying to vent and seek therapy from her. I don't really want more social interaction, but I want to feel like someone sees me, the real me, and they actually like what they see.
I plan to call the suicide hotline tomorrow. Not because I am suicidal, but because I was told I don't need to be suicidal to call. I know my parents will hear me on the phone if I call tonight, and I don't really want to spend a long time writing out the words in a text to the text number to explain everything when the person on the other end might not be able to fully understand, and so they would just tell me what they think I need to hear. But I guess I'd get the same from the phone call.
I don't know how to wrap this up, and it sounds when I read this over like I am quite lucid and therefore being petty by putting this here. I am lucid, but it doesn't really help me feel better. I can't lie to myself anymore; I've been trying so hard to not lie to myself when I spot it. I am sorry for the long rambling and various tangents. I just want to put this somewhere where people might understand.

I am living with my friend, i have been for the past year or so. Cant go back home due to the toxicity. I’m willing to do art commissions to help pay bills. We just found 2 stray kittens and the last thing i need is for them to be drinking out of bad water. I normally wouldn’t ask like this, but im desperate. Im grateful for anything anybody has to spare. I don’t really know what to do, i cant get a job until i get my drivers license. Thank you

For context, my parents had me and my siblings really young and my mom wasn’t able to get a degree because she had to raise us. My mom ended up going back to school when I was 15. I am now 19. and this year she graduates with her bachelor’s degree finally.
My mom was hesitant about walking the stage. As far as I was concerned, no one had told me that she was going to be having a graduation. Well, my birthday is in June. It is a very hard birthday for me this year, as I am still recovering from major surgery i had in May, and my closest friends aren’t here this summer due to out of state internships. Because I knew this would be a hard birthday, I wanted to have a nice dinner with all of my family. 2 weeks I had texted in our family group chat talking about how I wanted to have my birthday dinner at this place. We had talked about what day it would work for all of us since the month of june is crazy for us this year. My siblings are traveling, i’m traveling, my parents are traveling, we all have busy work schedules. So it was important we figured out a date where we would all be here. We decided on June 9th to have my birthday dinner, no one had an objection to the date. After figuring that out, I quickly made reservations as it is hard to get a reservation at this certain restaurant. They are usually fully booked weeks in advance. I was able to get the last reservation in June. I was really excited and looking forward to my birthday, I didn’t before because i thought it would suck.
So fast to today, my mom told us that she will be walking graduation. I was really happy until she told us what day it would be. At night on June 9th. I immediately got mad at her and started crying. I got mad at her because she didn’t tell anyone about this. She knew the dates her graduation would be on, but didnt tell anyone the dates. She knew the dates when we discussed the plans for my birthday dinner. She didn’t say anything. I understand that it was a possibility that she wouldn’t walk graduation. But if she had told me ahead of time or at the time when we were discussing my birthday dinner plans, “Hey we can’t do that day, I may or may not be walking graduation” I would’ve not made plans to have my birthday dinner that night. But she didn’t say anything. I’m also mad at the fact that I won’t be able to celebrate my birthday anymore with my family. Like i said, our schedules are too busy these next few months and June 9th was the only day that would’ve worked. And the restaurant Is completely booked up, so it’s not like i can make another reservation. So i’m mad that she didn’t tell me and i’m mad I won’t be celebrating with my family or go to a restaurant that i’ve been wanting to go to.
I’m not talking to my mom at the moment and have been hiding in my room since she told us at around 4. My siblings think i’m overreacting and calling me unappreciative of my mom because she gave up school to raise us and now she’s finally getting her degree. I understand that. i’m very proud of my mom, don’t get me wrong. But i’m mad at the situation she put me in for my birthday. My siblings and dad aren’t taking me seriously and thinking i’m being a baby about it.
So AITAH?

Hello friends!
I am searching for a DM that would be interested in running a long term, weekly campaign for three to four players. I had some previous success with one that I met through lfg/ and they were amazing, lots of fun was had and truthfully it's an experience I miss and thoroughly enjoyed, sadly due to their personal commitments things naturally came to an end, but I'm still very much interested, as is the rest of the group I am with, in finding a new DM.
I would love if there's somebody available with a little experience with online systems, but it is not entirely a necessity. While I like that people are able to make a job out of being a DM, I'm really looking for somebody that's willing to do it for free who's wanting to find a group of friends they're more than welcome to hang out with.
Our group consists of people that are avid enjoyers of roleplay and voice acting, we all like getting into character and immersing ourselves. I've recently created a character sheet and backstory on D&D Beyond, but I'm also happy to create another which fits any given D&D campaign (Homebrew campaigns included). We have some experience with Roll20 and Fantasy Grounds, though might need a refresher with some of the interface since we haven't played as a group for around four years now. I also hear Foundry VTT is great and would be happy to try that as well.
The three of us currently confirmed are from the ranges of 29 - 36 years old. We're a multinational group, with my partner and I currently living in the UK while others are living in the States. We run on fairly similar schedules which can be discussed if there's interest.
You're welcome to take a look at my latest character sheet, but I'd likely create a new one if this doesn't fit a particular scenario or campaign. With all that said, I am happy to offer one-shots with DM's who want to make sure we're a suitable match so it alleviates some pressure if needed, please feel free to reach out via commenting or through private messages, where I can provide my discord for a chat.
Sample Character Sheet: https://www.dndbeyond.com/characters/125211704
Sample Background: https://i.imgur.com/DEIOm5Z.png
Thanks so much!

I’ve been a survivor for 5 years and I have noticed that every time I have to advocate for myself I feel guilty like I’m wrong for addressing the issue, I get scared and really nervous. Example my internet and electricity are included in my rent. I’ve only lived here one month and the electricity got turned off because it was never paid and I wound up having to help pay it and now the internet has been turned off for the same reason. I told my landlord why I needed it on which is for work, I also reminded her of the lease and that she hasn’t come through twice this month.
I feel guilty like maybe I’m just being difficult even though I have every right to advocate for myself in this situation. But it’s every time, in every situation that I have to speak up for myself it’s so hard and I feel bad and guilty. I guess that’s my PTSD but it doesn’t seem to get easier for me. It’s terrifying actually and I’m perpetually in a state of fight or flight. I work for myself so I also have to do this with difficult clients and it just wrecks me up.
How does it get easier? When will it stop making me have high anxiety and fear? I also have to get reassurance from my friends that I’m doing the correct thing or ask what I should do. I don’t like doing this. I realized I need constant reassurance and that’s not okay. Especially at 35. I just don’t know how to handle certain social situations and I guess I freak out. I wind up trying to rationalize it, over analyze it and then have to ask everyone I know in this correct way to deal with it? Deep down inside I know I am doing the right thing but it’s like I have no self confidence. How do I fix this? How do I get better at this?