Astrid makes one of my absolute favorite lilac perfumes, so I was extremely excited about this collection! Though my gut instinct was to blind bottle all 8 Studies, I played it cool & ordered 4 decants. I am definitely bottling at least 1 of these, but 2 others are full size contenders as well so this has been a very successful sampling experience.
Astrid is a brand that I really admire but don’t own much from. Often our aesthetics are a bit misaligned & it’s rare that I find a scent of theirs that feels like me. The scents often don’t have the best performance on my skin as well- I generally find them to be a bit too quiet & have a wear time of only 3 hours or so.
That said, Astrid is always worth sampling since they have a great talent for marrying approachability with peculiarity.
On to the reviews!
——
Lilac Study No. 2 “lilac, nag champa incense, spun sugar, and frankincense.”
Opens with the nag champa, the cotton candy swirling in, the lilac at first a silken accent. I get a citrusy frankincense next that makes me a little wary it’s going to stomp on the other notes. The lilac in this one is quite subtle to me- the incense cotton candy along with the bright frankincense are definitely the main players, with the lilac adding a grace & softness. I do wish the frankincense (or whatever else may be leading to the citronella-y note I get once in a while) was left out, but it’s not that distracting & may smooth out with age. Eventually this blends into a gauze of cotton candy tinged with incense & lilac essence, & remains that way throughout wear. If you like sugary incense scents, please check this one out- it does not disappoint. Average throw for an oil- I can smell it when I move around but not when still for the most part. Average to low longevity.
Lilac Study No. 3 “lilac, honey accord, black pepper, vanilla absolute, and bergamot”
Lots of honey & bergamot to start with a tinge of pepper. Cheerfully sweet, a little perfumey, the honey lighter-bodied but powerful. The lilac here complements the honey, infusing it with soft petals. The honey/bergamot combo makes me think of perfumieless realistic takes on green tea- Serpentina from Darling Clandestine comes to mind. Over time, the vanilla comes out a little more, working to tame the honey & smooth over & bring together the other notes. The lilac in this one still acts as an aspect of the honey, it’s subtle in this blend. I get a shake of pepper & could do with a heavier dose to help balance the honey out. I like this one too but it’s my least favorite so far. I’m not always into honey- if you are, this one is quite nice with that sunny bergamot. It’s stronger than the average Astrid blend as well in terms of both throw & longevity.
Lilac Study No. 7 “lilac, iron distilled patchouli, violet leaf absolute, vanilla absolute, rice flower, jasmine sambac, velvet musk, and benzoin”
A cleaner, sheerer lilac with a dab of patchouli & a bright grassy green. This one opens as a more vibrant Spring scene than the other studies, the lilac just part of the tableau at first. Slowly it fuzzes into a musk. The lilac, jasmine, & rice flower are a pale, clean feeling bouquet with the lilac serving as the dominant flavor. The violet leaf is dialed down by the musk, the patchouli even more so. As this dries I would say the rice flower is the most impactful note of the composition- the lilac, jasmine, violet leaf, musk, & patchouli are all in evidence but filtered through the sheer rice flower. I get more patchouli than lilac over time & I am very curious how this one would age- if that patchouli would come out even more & how it would play under the curtain of rice flower. Average throw, & I’d say average to low longevity for me at this time.
Lilac Study No. 8 “lilac, butter co2, vanilla, and cream”
This smells like cereal milk at first, creamy & milky fruity. As the lilac materializes, the fruitiness abates- I’m not sure what I was getting there. The lilac here is gorgeous, fusing with a sweet cream note that is neither too heavy nor sour in the slightest. This one is distinctly lilac petals to my nose. They are ultra satiny & mesh beautifully with the texture of the cream & butter. The lilac is dominant well into wear, though the cream, fortified with a little yellow butter & vanilla, does gradually get stronger- eventually it’s cream & lilac instead of creamy lilac, if that makes sense. Well into drydown the vanilla gets nice & marshmallowy, with cream luscious & smooth & a breath of lilac. This is a lovely flormand specimen & I’m really in love with it. It wears close but I wouldn’t call it overly quiet or faint, it’s just the type of scent that hugs to the skin. I think that lends itself to longevity as well as it was discernible & enjoyable for over 4 hours (I stopped being able track after that).
——
Bonus review of Astrid’s Barn Owl “soft old barn wood, cream, and lilac blossom.”
I immediately wanted to sample No. 8 since it shared notes with one of my favorite scents, Barn Owl, so I figured I’d do a short review for that one too.
Barn Owl’s lilac is ethereal, creamy, & has a touch of, I think, white musk to it. The creaminess is perfumey, never going gourmand. It is a silken ghost on silent wing, the barn wood far below. Barn Owl is undeniably a lilac scent, but it feels more like white blooms in the night than the palette of pale purples I’ve gotten from the Studies. During drydown, Barn Owl is lightly sweet, soft against the skin, the wood more present but never overtaking the cream or lilac or weighing down the ethereal quality of the scent. I love this one for its clean creaminess & whispery veil of lilac.
Bonus review of BPAL’s Pleasing Two Women “oakmoss-infused vanilla bourbon, smoked lilac petals, and orris butter.”
& since it’s the season, I’m sampling other new lilac scents as well. This one is from this year’s Shungas & I thought that a short review may help others make informed lilac decisions.
Pleasing Two Women is a more romanticized take on lilac, with additional smoothness, almost to the point of waxiness, from the orris butter. The lilac petals are higher pitched & slightly more funky than in the Astrid blends & I unfortunately don’t get any of the listed smoke from them. The oak moss is one drop of dark green swirled into lots of whites & purples & it provides an anchor for the lilac & orris. Later in wear the sheer vanilla is the star here, a little mossy, slightly waxy, with more orris than lilac discernible. It’s a highly glamorized take on Springtime- a perfumed impression of blossoms & greenery instead of actual scents captured. BPAL always has good longevity & throw for me & this one is no exception.
——
Thanks for reading if you’ve gotten this far! Astrid absolutely excels at creating gorgeous lilac scents & I highly recommend sampling some of the Studies if you love lilacs!

Hi. I 22M went on 2 dates with 22F recently. I’m still new to dating and trying to figure out what I want and how to process whatever feelings will come.
Both dates with this girl were 3+ hours and the time flew up both times. I think that’s a really good sign. Conversations are pretty good, we make a lot of jokes with each other. We have similar personalities: easy going, sometimes quiet. Shes smart and has life goals which is obviously attractive. I found myself on the second date looking at her a lot of smiling/leaning forward without realizing. I know I am attracted to her and I’m pretty confident that she is attracted to me as well. I think our worldviews are somewhat similar but she is far less opinionated than me from what I’ve seen so far.
Here’s my issue: I don’t think we have any hobbies in common. We don’t listen to any similar music (I hate country music whoops), she doesn’t watch movies, we are opposites on hiking and other activities, I love weightlifting and she doesn’t do it, I can spend hours in an antique store/music/movie store and I don’t think she would etc. I’m a very spontaneous person who hops interests and hobbies really frequently and I don’t see that in her. I’m basically worried that once the initial attraction wears off that we will have nothing to talk about.
Both of our dates involved alcohol. Just enough to get a buzz/ a little tipsy but not drunk. I’m concerned that was part of the reason why the dates went so well. We have another one coming up soon with less or no alcohol but I’m still wondering if our dates are just because of physical attraction or something else.
Has this happened to anyone? Is it something I should be direct about on our 3rd date? What do you all think?

Hey, i am a minor whose been struggling their whole life with a bunch of stuff, and its only worse now, all my mental ilnesses have catched up to me and my mom has gotten way way worse, i dont know if im even doing this right i just need someone to talk to other then all my online friends, I've been homeschooled for about five years now with no way of having any social life and barely ever getting to go out, no vacations or anything, the most that happens is my cousin coming over once every few years, i have no way of getting to go out and i cant make friends in online school because i don't relate to any of them and they're all really rude for some reason, with the topic of school, i have been serverely struggling, and my mom wont leave me alone about it, she constantly comes into my room and screams at me for it, its gone to the point where if i hear someone by my room i just think its her and when i hear her voice i already know shes gonna yell at me, i even sometimes have hallucinations or bad nightmares about it, and some other past experiences too, i can barely do school and all my school does is give me more work when im already struggling, and they constantly email her which makes her more upset at me, ive told her ive been having trouble and they wont stop giving me more work but she doesn't listen to me, ive tried to attempt multiple times and shes even saw my self harm cuts because ive talked to a counselor about it when i was in person school and all she did was yell at me for it, even when my friend was over, now im scared to ever talk to any adult about this, i have none to talk to this about to even, ive even told her about the SA my cousin did to me and she didnt care, but she constantly makes innapropiate remarks to me like "youre gonna get trafficked if you wear that" and i barely even wear revealing stuff, i wear oversized sweaters usually, i hate showing my skin, i just hate my body, theres no point in even wearing anything "good" if i cant even go out right? i dont want to be by her. i really dont. she makes me feel scared and uncomfortable and she constantly treats me like i dont have emotions, i cant even talk to a therapist because she has to be there and always talks for me, and i dont want to. the only people i talk to this about is my online friends, and well, lets just say having your life always online isnt the best. and im not even talking about posting or anything, im talking about it being your ONLY life, i constantly get messages from pedos and i dont even know how they found me, and my friends are mentally ill like me and constantly tell me theyre gonna kill themselves, and that scares me so bad, i dont want to loose the only thing i have. my mom threatens to take away my internet and in fact she did once for two years, so i had no communication at all for two whole years, and one of the reasons i have such a trouble with school is because i helped my little brother who cant read with school for a year so i couldnt focus on my work so i was basically learning nothing, and i was already struggling since school is confusing for me, its hard to focus and get stuff, i feel like i need it to be explained in a way that i can understand, i dont even feel normal, i hate living a life that i cant control. the only actual comfort i have is my cats and theyre always in cages or outside, because we have a ton of cats and my mom wont give them to homes that will actually take care of them. she doesnt even have money to get them fixed. and on this topic of my home life, my mom has never been good to me, in fact shes been really neglectful all my life i even have memories of physical abuse and it still sometimes happens, sometimes she refuses to take me to the hospital, and i remember my dad hitting us with belts while we were naked, but my brain always tries to block this stuff out, and it was always for little stuff like crying too loud. and we always got shamed for crying too loud, i even remember my aunties telling me it wasnt normal for my mom to treat me like that but they never actually DID anything. i also remember my older sister being kind of sexual twoards me, and shes been doing weed for as long as i can remember, she also drinks achohol and my mom buys it for her since she has no job, i remember a lot of traumatic experiences with her drug use, i remember having to hide achohol from her with my mom and constant yelling in my house when i was younger, now its calmer since my moms almost always at work but when shes home shes either sleeping or yelling. i also have traumatic experiences with my online friends, ive gotten groomed multiple times, and i remember multiple of my friends killing themselves, even my REAL life friends have left me, the only one i had that still stayed left about a year ago. i still self harm because i feel like i have to be punished for everything i do, i talk to older people online because they make me feel safe and cared about even if they just want to see my body or talk about sexual stuff with me, i just want to feel. ive had so much physical, mental, verbal, and sexual abuse all my life, i am so close to just ending it all, i really dont want to do this anymore, but my friends make me feel guilty because i dont want to leave them, the only purpose i actually have is to make them feel happy. i want to do good in school but its basically impossible, if i even ever reach the age of an adult i want to be a phsycologist or a surgeon because i want to help people because ive never really gotten help in my life. i feel like im not even here, i dont know, i just feel lost in my thoughts all the time, i dont even feel real, it feels like every conversation i have with my friends are in my head, i have really bad hallucinations sometimes, and it feels like that almost all the time, i dont even feel like im me half of the time, i dont even KNOW who i AM. my mom constantly makes me feel like im being dramatic for all of this. maybe i am. i just need some advice, i dont want to go on another month, another week, another day. im really tired. just tired of it all. i cant even sleep usually, i only get a hour of sleep usually, then take a nap throughout the day, i always wake up constantly and try to sleep but i cant. i try my best to be a good person and a nice person to everyone even my mom, i even feel bad for existing becsuse i know if i didnt she would probably be happier, but its not like i can tell her any of this because one, she always disregards my feelings, and she doesnt even care. my sister sometimes tells her stuff but never does anything. i just want to break out of this constant torment, and my older brother is just living his life, he has a job and lives with his friend, but he was basically the only GOOD person i grew up, im attached to him and all my online friends, im jealous but happy at the same time because hes happy. i know i probably wont ever have that. i dont want to live to be 18. i really cant deal with this for that long. even if i do escape my mom my thoughts are enough to drive me crazy. i just dont feel like i should go on anymore, i have thoughts of hurting myself and people around me, ive had them for years, ever since i was as young as 5, i feel too mature for my age, i never relate to anyone my age, i feel like my mind is too old for my body, but sometime im just some scared kid who wants to feel loved and know what its like to have a parent who cares. i dont know if thats too much to ask for. i used to have a cat outside that i always talked to like it was a human it was my only friend and id go outside all the time and stay out there for hours everyday, i miss her so much because it felt like she actually understood me, it felt like someone did care, i remember when my mom told me she died due to a accident i was so sad for years and i couldnt do anything but cry everyday because of it. i dont feel like i belong anywhere. ive had eating disorders and i still do. the best thing thats happened to me in a while is finanlly getting a room, my sister cleaned out a room that my grandma used to be in so i could be in it since i just used to sleep in the living room with no privacy at all. so i have a place to finally have privacy, even though my mom just bursts in here a lot witout knocking. im just happy i have privacy. i know i have more to say but i cant even think of it right now, my brain feels so foggy, but i dont know if anyone will actually read this, its just a bunch of my stupid thoughts, i dont know. i just want to be gone

I realise this will probably get buried by Reddit but I think writing my thoughts down will help me either way. If someone does read I would like an outside perspective.
An inability to stick to any sort of routine or habit has been an issue since I've actually needed to do it which was when I first had exams for school.
I was just about intelligent enough to get away with it through school and end at a decent university doing mathematics. I'd like to point out I did try repeatedly to get routines working and tried most methods I could find online.
I had a year out of school before university where I worked hospitality jobs and jobs that required no experience and although I enjoyed my time out of education it made me realise it's not the kind of job I would like to work in long term.
I entered university with this mindset and decided I wouldn't fall back into my old ways from school. This lasted about a month and through all of first year I basically repeated my old habits and scraped passes in all my modules. Luckily first year results don't count towards my degree which I believed at the time to be the primary reason I didn't have any motivation.
For second year first semester I did consistent half-assed work convincing myself I was doing more than I was and that certain things weren't necessary. I've never actually done consistent work so I saw this progress. When exams came around I realised I've done nowhere near enough and decided now was the time to get my shit together for the second semester.
I bought and read the entirety of "atomic habits" byJames Clear and decided I would use it and advice from the Internet to rewire how I think and hopefully finally fix this issue that I see as the main barrier to me getting satisfaction from life.
I went about a week doing what I wanted until I slipped. I woke up and just couldn't make myself get out of bed. I was on my phone until about 4pm when I woke up at 10am.
For the next week this happened or I was similarly distracted 3/4 times and I realised that once the novelty of my routine sets in my brain is going to take the path of least resistance so I need to make doing my work the most enjoyable thing to do.
I deleted every app off my phone that I would use to distract me if I could. I barred myself from using any enjoyable pass time until I complete what I want done in the day. Unfortunately I realised quite quickly I could easily trick myself into thinking I had grasped a concept or that I had done sufficient work for the day too easily.
So I decided I wasn't allowed to watch any TV or do anything on the Internet. I stopped myself from listening to music. I basically removed anything that could have a quicker rewards response than my work from my life.
My productivity and focus was up for 2 days but then carne straight back down to where it was. My mind was able to distract me internally without needing external stimuli even when I put myself in a library cubical with no vision of my surroundings and noise cancelling headphones with nothing playing through. No matter how hard I tried to stay on task I would go down deep unrelated trains of thought.
The only times I can get consistent commitment are random times where I get 1-2 hours of focus. In these times I can achieve the same amount of work as I can in 6-7 hours of work when I'm distracted.
This semester felt like my hail Mary to get my life to a state where I have excitement about what my future will look like and now my first exam is tomorrow and I'm nowhere near the level I need to be for it.
I feel apathetic. I've been frustrated at times because I feel if I could just do some consistent work then these exams wouldn't even be difficult. But now I kind of feel nothing. I'm not depressed. Suicide has never crossed my mind nor will it. I just no longer have any sort of point or idea about even what approach to take in life.
Any advice, thoughts, opinions would be appreciated. I would like to point out if there's any productivity tip you have and it exists in on the Internet then I've almost certainly read it and tried it. I have had so many to-do lists, planners, calenders, and apps over my time trying to fix this.
The only thing I have yet to try is study drugs. I can source Adderall for myself illegally but it's very expensive if I wanted it daily and I'm concerned about potential addiction.

I'm a disabled software engineer in Dubai with CP. I have so little information about clothing and disability in general.
I don't wear adaptive clothing because there are none in Dubai and even the adaptive clothing lines I see online are so ugly, I like to wear business casual style or lacoste or ralph loren.
tommy hilfiger has an adaptive clothing line but I don't like it, they're constantly out of stock and they don't ship to Dubai.
I decided I wanted to start my own clothing line, business casual and smart casual mostly. I already contacted 3 clothing manufacturers. The idea is to manufacture cloth, sell online and grow it slowly or kill it, after all I'm a software engineer and I'm not looking to change careers anytime soon.
I'm facing those issues currently:

1. The design: I can hire a designer but I don't know how many disabiliies there are
2. I don't know the actual number of disabled people specifically in Dubai and the gulf. Not sure if people abroad would buy from me, given that they'd probably have to pay 20 extra euros to ship to Europe at first, until I register in Europe
3. I don't know what makes clothing adaptive usually, I mean for me, no zipper, magnetic buttons or no buttons, maybe other people have very specific requirements.

My initial idea was to create a clothing brand that non disabled people can buy from, anyone could buy cloth with magnetic buttons, it's even better. But as I'm doing research I find that most adaptive clothing is custom made for the specific disabillity which is exactly what I want to avoid. I'd rather buy normal cloth than to wait an pay extra for customizations.
What you think? Is it a viable business idea? Are there buyers out there?

Hey, so i first wanna say this is the first time im using reddit so sorry for any mistakes. English is also not my first language, so sorry for any misspellings! Anyway, so basically im in this friendgroup. At first in the beginning of this school year we all got along super well and no one was left out. During december i was diagnosed with autism. You'd probably think what that as to do with anything but when i told my bestfriends about it, they started acting different. Not immediatly but overtime. First, it started with them never liking my posts again or commenting. (i know thats not of a big deal but it was just one of the noticable things) than it started with the rude comments of teachers apperantly treating me different? i mean they kind of have to since my brain works other than the most kids. Than it started with rude comments.. about my looks, the way i acted, the way i laughed, what i was wearing, the way i smelled, the way i looked etc. Than they started hanging out without me when they told me they couldnt hangout cos they had to do something, but when i saw their stories they were together hanging out? now, i dont care if people dont want to hang out with me. just be honest with me. and thats what i said to them everytime they lie. but at some point, they only wanted to hangout with me if one of them wasnt their. as if i was just their backup friend. They would get mad at me when i didnt do something for them, They'd get mad at literally everything i did or even i DIDN'T do. See now, im not a confrontationel person. I do boxing but im really shy (at first) and i never argue with anyone. and when i do i fix it almost the same night. but 1 time when 1 of my friends werent there, i looked at my friends phone cos she was scrolling through the chat with our other friend. than i saw a sticker of my face. when i tell u my heart DROPPED. i know its probably not a big deal but it just made me feel betrayed or something like that. i told her to delete that straight up. she turned pale and started saying sorry and that our other friend made it. but than 1 time i saw a text of them saying: ''she wants us to delete the sticker but i still have them saved in our chat.'' and i was like, hell no. i texted my childhood bestfriend who's literally my life saver. she told a few of our other friends and they were LIVID. she walked with me to confront them while it was lunch break. now when i confront someone, (ive done it a few times cos a guy was being creepy towards my friend) i start shaking. like really bad. my legs, hand and voices start shaking. but with the other times i did my body never reacted like that. probably it was because i really cared for them and loved them. but it ended up in a shouting match. right infront of everyone in the school. I like to add im NOT a violent person. Id never hit someone without a reason. i have never hit someone outside my sports. this time wasnt any different. but my bestfriend on the other hand, does not take like it when their friends get treated like shit (i dont know how to word it) so when one of those girls called me an autistic attention wh*re and some other words i don't know how to translate in english. my bestfriend got so angry at that she punched the girl in her stomach and threw her to the ground and kicked her face, i immediatly holded her back because i dont want her getting into trouble because of me. the teachers were called and our parents etc. they were threatening to press charges against my bestfriend so i said I'd press charges too for making those stickers of me and sending ugly pics of me around. Now their saying to people that im a liar and that i never treated them right. but nobody believes them because everyone noticed how'd they always left me out. Im glad im not longer friends with them anymore though! I also moved schools.

I’m just at my wits end here. I (28f) love my husband (29m) very much. I’m just tired now. We have 3 kids (1f, 6f, & 10f) together, one whom is on the autism spectrum (severe).
I’m technically a SAHM. I have a “part time” job that I work 1-3 days out of the week. My husband has 2 jobs.
My credentials allow me to only work a few days out of the week but it’s the equivalent of his jobs. For example if I work one day, I make what he makes at his part time job that he goes to all week. If I work the 3 days I make what he makes at both jobs all week and maybe even a little more. It just depends on what I want to do. Depending if the week with the kids is heavy I do one day but with 3 kids it takes a lot of my time and energy so I opt for 1 day mostly. It’s just to bring in some cash for the extra curriculars my kids do or house bills.
We don’t do 50/50 but we are like 25/75. I pay for all the groceries, all the utilities, anything our kids or myself and my husbands needs.. he pays the mortgage and a few other things. We have no debt, no car payments.. We are very good with money and have a nice chunk of savings. He doesn’t need a second job he just has it for us to save the most now that we’re young and not just scraping by when we’re old lol plus we want to buy another house soon. He’s been at the second job officially one year next week.
My husband feels like I don’t do anything and that my life is so “easy”. He constantly makes comments like “here let me make your life even more easier” cause I ask him to take out the trash or “you don’t do anything here and we wouldn’t have this if it wasn’t for me” just because he’s upset I didn’t check his car for a sweater he wanted to wear to work and it’s not clean. Then he feels bad and doubles down and apologizes. Mind you, I do All the cooking, cleaning, parenting, kids sports, appointments, etc. I pack his lunch, I iron his clothes for work, I make sure he has plenty of snacks he likes at home so he isn’t grumpy throughout the out the day, I wake up earlier to prepare his coffee before he leaves to work, plus I work my part time.
When I do go to work he does nothing for the kids. It makes me feel bad to say that. I come home and our kids are not fed, not bathed, he just puts them on their tablets on goes on about his day but the second I walk through the door, “they been on their tablets too long. Tell them to get off and go do something with them”..
This last argument has made me realize he has no idea how to be a parent.. he’s always opted for a shift in the middle of the day, stay up all night and sleep all day. Ever since our oldest was born. Now that he has two jobs he hardly sleeps and it makes me feel bad for him. So I try my hardest to make his life easier. He just doesn’t appreciate it and I’m tired.
So a few days ago, after his last big tantrum, I stopped. I haven’t cleaned the house. I cook but I won’t prepare his lunch. I stopped doing laundry. This morning he finally ran out of clothes and he was ANGRY. I told him I had no laundry soap. I ran out a few days ago and he needs to go buy some.
He’s not a bad guy. He works his butt off to be able to keep a roof over our heads. He hardly sleeps now because his jobs are physical and he wants to buy me a new car because we’re expecting baby #4 in a few months. I know he loves me but he doesn’t appreciate me. Honestly it feels like he starting to look at me like I’m a burden..
Now I want to show him what it’s like not having me meet my part of our marriage. If he feels like he does it all then I’m going to let him do it all. I’m gonna let him pay all the bills this month and I’m not going to contribute a dollar. I’m not going to do the laundry. I’m not going to pack his lunch. I’m not gonna let him come home to clean house. If in his mind he does it all, he should do it all, right? So, AITAH for letting him do it all by himself?

So basically I've a big ass nose and I'm so insecured about it 😭😭😭... Right now I'm on my holiday months, I really wanna make videos on YouTube, but I'm really scared of people's reaction. First and foremostly I need to get rid of insecurities, when it it comes this very issue it doesn't just my nose but almost everything, like my sound, aysmmetrical face etc... "All people have insecurities you've to move on", dude it's a lot easier said than done, but I'm so afraid if this goes like this I'll lose all my confidence eventually. I used to wear a mask when I go to school to hide my face 😭😭 (I wish I never had done that). Children in my school are so judgemental. So help me pals 😭🙏🏻.
Also feel free to share your insecurities, and how did u overcome it?

I know everyone says this at some point but im pretty sure no one means it to the extent that i do. I wholeheartedly genuinely seriously literally hate myself. I despise myself. My self esteem is so low on the ground that you cant even imagine. You wouldn’t meet a person less insecure than me ever.
Now that i am in college and have grown emotionally i feel like i can analyse why i am so insecure and what my coping mechanisms are. Growing up with a condition which made me loose hair from half of my head definitely had something to do with this. It obviously messed up with my self worth in some way. Now i still suffer from that condition but its to a level where you cant tell at all so i look “normal” or atleast i think so. Thats not even the point cos ik i have a really ugly face (ugly enough that boys have told me that to my face in the way of jokes). So yeah i was already so insecure in myself and these things just confirm the reasons i am so insecure about.
The way i channel these insecurities is like i wont ever take pictures of myself. All my friends dress up pretty to take insta pictures and im always the one taking their pics and they even insist sm to take mine but i never let them. I am scared to look at myself in pics. Every vacation/outing/party i never let myself get photographed. My insta is intentionally empty and i made consistent efforts so that my face is not visible at all or visible only a little bit in all the pics i take. I HATE looking at myself in pics. I just think about how can someone look this ugly.
My coping mechanism or the way i deal with this is by craving male validation. I crave that shit sm that i need the attention all the fucking time. I go insane if i dont get that attention. I feel like i have a good body and a decent dressing sense so boys are sometimes attracted to me if they ignore my face. But whenever a guy is attracted to me i get imposter syndrome and i feel that its only my body as i neither have a good personality nor a good face. In college i feel like i know how to better present myself so i have been getting some attention from guys as compared to in school where no one even looked at me.
Idk honestly what to do about all this. Its all so confusing. And its not even that i just hate my face. I also hate my personality. It makes me want to cry. Now recalling everything, i hate how people have treated me and how i have let these people treat me like this. I HATE it so fucking much. My people pleasing qualities and need to appear as someone that i am not…..its all just so draining honestly i cant. My need to always dress hot (wearing tight fitted clothes, tanks) cos i feel like i need to show my body as thats all that i have and if i show up in sweats and hoodie, it’ll be hard to look at me. I HATE EVERYTHING. I hate how im so slow and i cant do basic tasks sometimes. I hate how i loose stuff, how lazy i am, how i get anxious and cant talk to people.
Please someone help me. What should i do

TD;DR Newer relationship. Military boyfriend with a pattern of having a dog shit attitude but doesn't think he has a bad attitude. It's become exhausting trying to comfort him and calm him down when he doesn't want to help himself. Gets defensive when I try to shut down his shit talking spiral of negativity. I don't want to be the overly critical nagging girlfriend, so I want to leave while I still don't resent him. He's away for school and I want to wait until he gets back in a couple weeks. We've already talked about this issue a bunch. How to stay kind and compassionate while I wait for him to get back.
I've been with my boyfriend for only 7 months. Overall, it's pretty decent. We treat each other well, laugh a lot, have similar views on children and marriage, he's supportive, the sex is satisfying, and have had some pretty fun times together. It's been pretty drama free. He's active duty military. I am a veteran but have gone on to get my pilots license, work in aviation for a couple years, and now I'm a full time student studying software engineering. With the help of long term therapy, hobbies, and good friends, I would say I'm pretty happy in life right now. In the past though, I've suffered from not being able to regulate my emotions and having severe episodes of depression. Unfortunately, my boyfriend is not very happy in life. I try very hard to be validating, supportive, loving, and try to model healthy coping mechanisms but it's wearing on me. He has no friends. No hobbies. He hates his job. He talks poorly about other people. Everyone suck except for him. Everyone is a pussy except for him. Everything is stupid. The negativity spiral is a constant presence. And I don't like speaking poorly about other people how he does. I've gently encouraged seeking professional help because he has admitted that he might be depressed because his reactions to thing are disproportionate to whatever is triggering him. He has access to both medical and non medical mental health care. I'm exhausted from constantly validating him and trying to calm him down from the far reaching things he will start saying. He's very sensitive to criticism and gets defensive easily. I have to be very gentle with how I phrase things and avoid accusatory statements. It's really the only issue I have with him.
I did a lot of thinking and talk with my therapist and have decided that the negativity is a deal breaker for me. This negativity is exclusively work related. He doesn't treat me poorly, but I am baring the burden of his loneliness by myself. We live close to each other but He's away for a school right now.
First, I communicated that the negativity has become a constant presence, it dominates our conversations, and it's affecting my mood. I suggested that we try to find some balance together. He was cool about it.
A few days later, after he started talking poorly about other people, I set a boundary. I said that I would shut down the conversation once the it reached a certain intensity of negativity or once he started talking needlessly ill about other people. I said that if this seems like it's going to be a recurring thing, I'm going to have to assess if the relationship is healthy for me. He was cool about it.
Next, he talks about how he may have to a take a couple college classes (paid for by the military) to reach a certain goal he has. and then starts saying, "I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL. IM NEVER GOING TO USE COLLEGE ALGEBRA". I said that if he goes into classes with that idea it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. We do stuff we don't want to do to reach the goal we want. I said that he is capable, and even though general education courses aren't the most fun, it's still an opportunity to learn and develop new skills. He got defensive and said that I don't need to lecture him and that he doesn't have a shit attitude just because he said "college algebra isn't useful". The selective hearing is a recurring issue.
There's been a couple other times where he was able to self correct or apologized for getting upset with me when I would ask to change the subject. Most recently, he started calling a group of people cowards and that they shouldn't be in the Army. I tried to shut down the conversation twice but he kept going. I ended up playing into it more and shared my opinion and said that what he is saying is hypocritical because he may also be a part of the group hes talking about. He didn't see what he said as talking shit about other people. I said, "You can have that opinion. Im asking you to not voice it to me anymore". He got very defensive, saying that he isn't allowed to say anything with out having the opposite opinion. That we must disagree on everything.
I explained that I actually do agree with him a lot of the time, I just don't let the shit talking spiral out od control. He went to bed without FaceTiming me that night or saying goodnight. He did say good morning to me today.
I don't want to see myself turn into the overly critical, nagging girlfriend. I realize I am trying to change him. I am trying to fix him and that's not my job. I thought If I modeled better behavior and helped me breathe and relax when he got worked up, I could love him into being a more positive person. I can't. It's exhausting. I may just have to accept that we have different outlooks on the world. As much as I love him, this completely overwhelms his positive qualities. I can't see myself problem solving or raising children with this type of person (he already has one daughter that hes missed out on raising because of the military. He's basically just a fun uncle even though he tries to go home often to see her several time a year.) Sadly, he has no one else except me here and often tells me that he loves spending time with me and I make him so happy.
How can I practice being kind and compassionate towards him while still protecting my own mental well being while I wait for him to get back so I can end the relationship? I don't think he would be responsive to me saying that im thinking of ending the relationship.

Today's tale takes place in a Quik Trip gas station. For those who aren't in the region, QT is a phenomenal Midwest gas station chain that has a kitchen where you can get hot made-to-order sandwiches, pretzels, personal pizzas, as well as ice creams, shakes, and coffee drinks.
It was around 7-8pm on summer weeknight a couple years ago. QT is busy like it always is during normal waking hours. I order my dinner at the kitchen kiosk, collect the rest of my purchase, check out, and return to the semi-queue by the kitchen pickup counter where 5 or 6 other people are waiting for their orders. There's only one young lady making kitchen orders, this girl was probably 18-19, and she was BUSTING HER ASS. She's getting orders out, her hands are like lightning as she builds pizzas and sammies, never moving slower than a jog.
Then the front door slams open, and here comes the Boomer.
"Fine!" He yells. "Go order your ice cream!"
"Thanks, grandpa!" The teenage girl with him runs to the order kiosk.
Boomer is literally only wearing a pair of jeans. No shirt, no shoes, not even socks, just a pair of jeans and his bare grubby toes. He gets a case of beer from the cooler, meets teenage girl at checkout, and immediately marches over to the kitchen pickup counter. It has been less than 45 seconds since he entered the store, and he is already out of patience.
"Hey!" He yells at the girl who's working, slamming his hand on the counter. "How long does it take to make a fucking ice cream cone??"
"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry!" The girl replies. She looks to her order screen in a panic, she thinks she missed an order. She hesitates, frowns.
(I'm a waitress, I had been paying attention, and I knew this girl was about to have to politely and sweetly explain that it would be a few minutes and then stand there and smile while he kept yelling at her, so I decided to speak up.)
"Hey pal," I interject. "Everyone here is in front of you in line, we've all been waiting since before you got here."
Boomer turns around looking like he's about to hit me. He sizes me up, puffs out his chest, his hands ball into fists, and for a moment I wonder if this man is crazy enough to punch a woman that's a head taller than him in front of a dozen witnesses.
Thankfully we didn't have to find out because the men that were in line with me just started roasting this guy.
"You're not even wearing a shirt! Disrespectful." One guy says.
"He's not wearing shoes either." Another points out, wrinkling his nose.
"Can't read, bro? Didn't see the sign that says "no shirt, no shoes, no service"?"
"That girl must be so embarrassed, do you think he always acts like this?"
"That generation, man, just disgraceful."
Boomer turns bright red and backs up, the comments quiet as we go back to playing on our phones, and this man starts whimpering. His eyes are all big and shiny, lower lip trembling, mouth gaping open like a fish every time he takes a breath.
"My shoes are in the truck." "Didn't think it'd be a big deal." "Can't believe this." "Have to wait for ice cream."
The teenager with him is nervously looking around at us while she whispers "I know grandpa." "No I'm not embarrassed." "I know."
Finally the girl he yelled at took pity on him and made the ice cream cone so he could do his shirtless shoeless walk of shame as we all "tsk'd" and "hmm'd" and gave him judgy looks.

Let's start from the beginning. Buckle up because this is going to be a LONG post.
3 weeks ago, I'd decided I'd had enough and asked my family for support to talk with a therapist I was under before to try and improve my social skills. I'd deemed it necessary because after a hard, good look at my situation I'd realized that my social skills were affecting every SINGLE aspect of my life: lots of opportunities, friendships, fun events, memorable get togethers all wasted because my lack of social skills gave me anxiety. It was unbearable. The worse part was most of the events I had skipped was not with strangers, but with my best friends. I have been best friends with these guys for a decade, and my social anxiety was making it hard to talk with them. It was that bad. Imagine you'd trust these guys with your life and you can't even hold eye contact with them.
Finally, we'd decided on a day for my first session after a long time, it was on a Saturday, but there were challenges to be overcome before we even get to the session: I had to attend 2 social events I'd planned with my friends on the same week.
I have frequent mood swings and during a time of absolute high, while I was attending a seminar I'd talked with the group for hours and had made plans with them. During that moment I was happy and excited that I was taking the initiative to get myself out there; the next day however was a complete nightmare: I'd realized what I had done and I can't practically back out because I'd talked big about being there (I don't normally go out so they were excited to see me). It was a hard 2 days of overthinking and anxiety about how things MIGHT turn out - How I could mess it up for everyone; how we seldom meet due to work and I'd ruin that moment of peace for all of us. If the first meeting bombed, then the next meeting was a guaranteed no-show from me, and the therapy session on Saturday would be completely ruined for me too.
Now the night arrives, the day before the first meeting - we were gonna eat out, just us friends, then just fuck around anywhere we wanted. I couldn't sleep. This is where the shift in my mindset started. My mind had placed this event on a pedestal, and my thoughts changed from My dumbass is going to ruin the evening for everyone to I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT FAIL THIS TIME. The last time I'd attended with them I was a complete mute and was stuck to my phone the entire time, with some of them questioning me if I was alright, and all I could utter was a simple: "I'm just sleepy, is all" (And yes, I WAS NOT SLEEPY AND WAS JUST LOOKING FOR AN ESCAPE). That traumatized me to hell that I had been skipping get togethers since then, and I was hellbent in making sure the same thing DIDN'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
Eventually I fell asleep, and the next day came. I was feeling anxious, but energized. It was the same feeling I got when going into battle (like defending a project from a panel), yes at times I would get anxious due to overthinking, but I was more zoned in on preparations. Now keep in mind, I'm quite close with this group, but I haven't talked to some of them in years, some of them I barely talk to, and only 2 of them I talk to frequently. I'd lasered in on what I knew about these guys, their recent activities, possible topics of conversation, I'd replayed possible interactions, body languages, all of it. It was like preparing for a thesis: First you get the stomachache and headache, and anxiety 3 hours before, but the final hour before, you're just focused on nothing else BUT PREPARATIONS.
Now, I have a bad case of paranoia when walking to malls, and I often find myself fidgeting and sweating a lot because of this. Even worse because I was wearing accessories (I never wear any accessories when going out) and I felt conscious that it might look out of place or goofy. None of that happened. I was riding a motorcycle, and feeling the wind against my face seemed to put me under a spell: anxiety was slowly slipping from my brain. When I walked inside the mall to meet up with some of the guys, I didn't feel any anxiety, any paranoia. There was nervous energy, but it felt natural.
Fast forward and the first guy I meet is the guy I talk to the most, I thought I'd freeze up then and there, unable to talk or hold eye contact, but when I saw that he was happy to see me, and I was happy to see him too, all unnecessary thoughts went out. Everything just flowed instinctively. We talked for a solid 20-30 minutes trying to catch-up, it all felt comfortable, I didn't feel compelled to think too hard about what to say or do next, the words just flowed endlessly from my mouth; the body language I was completely conscious of was a non-factor. Then some of the other guys arrive: we make small talk, fun talk, but it wasn't as in the zone as the one I had earlier, but it felt natural. People pulled out their phones, I pulled mine too, but it didn't feel forced.
It felt as if I was playing a turn based game and I just knew what to do. At that moment there was no cause of anxiety because there was no need for it. I just knew what to do, when to back off and listen, and when there were dry / awkward spots well yes it felt awkward but my anxiety didn't spike up like it usually did.
Fast forward later and all of us have met-up and are going to a restaurant, and we're all sitting together. For the first time in years, I have never been so happy that I'd decided to go and didn't skip. It was a complete eye opener. I talked to everyone at least once or twice throughout the entire experience; we laughed, made jokes, we caught up with each other, we listened to stories: it was so different from what I normally knew, and I didn't care enough to ask how I was keeping up - I wanted to enjoy the moment. Eye contact, the one I dreaded the most, for once didn't feel forced and I felt comfortable enough to hold it with others. For the majority of the time, I think 90% of it I wasn't on my phone at all, I wasn't looking at the ground. I was having fun with them.
Most of the guys there were extroverts and introverts, but I was the only one with social anxiety. At that moment, I felt completely liberated. I know it's not a one-off thing because I noticed a lot of things during that moment. I noticed when I had to listen, when I had to talk, when to break off eye-contact, when to switch topics. It felt like the skills that I needed had been all there all along, and the only thing stopping it from manifesting was my own anxious thoughts.
Of course, my social battery ran out near the end. There were times where I'd try to crack a joke but my voice was too low and people would stare at me and ask "Ha?" but I'd just wave it off with a laugh and tell them to continue. Any other time an interaction like that would shut my brain off and torment me for days - but that wasn't the case. It became a passing "oh well" and I just went on and never lingered on it. When we got tired and were running out of things to talk about I felt comfortable sitting there just fiddling with my drink or listening, or just looking around and it never made me anxious, just an "oh..." and nothing more. When looking back to those awkward moments, all I can think about is how I could've handled it better - actually trying to learn from the interaction instead of letting it put me down, and I am completely sure that it wasn't me just being in a high because I don't regret a single thing, even the awkward parts. It's the first time I've had awkward situations where I didn't overthink or implode on the spot.
The entire experience has me thrilled even now hours after the event, because what I experienced during that event showed me what I could do; in a way, it felt like I had broken through an obstacle and I was glad I didn't stay behind to just sit behind my PC, because what I learned in those short 4 hours will outclass even thousands of hours spent on the internet learning about social skills (Keep in mind, the topic I normally talk about with them is video games; during the entire time, we rarely talked about games). It was a necessity, and now I'm even more excited to attend the second event (this time with some strangers), and eventually my therapy session!
If you'd read this far. Thank you! I just wanted to share this moment of victory with people who can relate to issues of social anxiety. If there's one thing I learned that I want to give out as an advice: Just give yourself a chance, no matter how small. I have only one life to live, and what compelled me was that I didn't want to spend the next 20-30 years as I was: I would rather embarrass myself completely in the pursuit of improving myself than stay in this nest of anxiety and depression. I want to live too, and my desire for a better life, I hope will completely eclipse my fear of the challenges that come with it.

In early 2022 I was diagnosed with ADHD and was prescribed adderall. The psych I was seeing at the time was awesome, a chill normal guy who didn’t try and push other meds on me. Fast forward to today, that Dr. has since left the VA and I was reassigned to a psych that makes me uncomfortable and is very pushy and nosy.
My old psych would meet with me every 3-4 months for 30 minutes, just to check up and refill my prescription and never made me feel uncomfortable. Could also use VA messaging.
The current psych requires that I meet once a month, which is time consuming and does not let me use the messaging to refill. He’s extremely nosy and asks about my work, 401k, family (not just surface level questions). He tries to push other meds on me for sleep and headaches which I’ve told them I do not want and just want to work through things myself.
How can I request to switch psychologist to simply refill my prescriptions for me. I get so much anxiety when I see this guy and have canceled my last appointment to avoid him all together.

I realise this will probably get buried by Reddit but I think writing my thoughts down will help me either way. If someone does read I would like an outside perspective.
An inability to stick to any sort of routine or habit has been an issue since I've actually needed to do it which was when I first had exams for school.
I was just about intelligent enough to get away with it through school and end up at a decent university doing mathematics. I'd like to point out I did try repeatedly to get routines working and tried most methods I could find online.
I had a year out of school before university where I worked hospitality jobs and jobs that required no experience and although I enjoyed my time out of education it made me realise it's not the kind of job I would like to work in long term.
I entered university with this mindset and decided I wouldn't fall back into my old ways from school. This lasted about a month and through all of first year I basically repeated my old habits and scraped passes in all my modules. Luckily first year results don't count towards my degree which I believed at the time to be the primary reason I didn't have any motivation.
For second year first semester I did consistent half-assed work convincing myself I was doing more than I was and that certain things weren't necessary. I've never actually done consistent work so I saw this as progress. When exams came around I realised I've done nowhere near enough and decided now was the time to get my shit together for the second semester.
I bought and read the entirety of "atomic habits" by James Clear and decided I would use it and advice from the Internet to rewire how I think and hopefully finally fix this issue that I see as the main barrier to me getting satisfaction from life.
I went about a week doing what I wanted until I slipped. I woke up and just couldn't make myself get out of bed. I was on my phone until about 4pm when I woke up at 10am.
For the next week this happened or I was similarly distracted 3/4 times and I realised that once the novelty of my routine sets in my brain is going to take the path of least resistance so I need to make doing my work the most enjoyable thing to do.
I deleted every app off my phone that I would use to distract me if I could. I barred myself from using any enjoyable pass time until I complete what I want done in the day. Unfortunately I realised quite quickly I could easily trick myself into thinking I had grasped a concept or that I had done sufficient work for the day too easily.
So I decided I wasn't allowed to watch any TV or do anything on the Internet. I stopped myself from listening to music. I basically removed anything that could have a quicker rewards response than my work from my life.
My productivity and focus was up for 2 days but then came straight back down to where it was. My mind was able to distract me internally without needing external stimuli even when I put myself in a library cubical with no vision of my surroundings and noise cancelling headphones with nothing playing through. No matter how hard I tried to stay on task I would go down deep unrelated trains of thought.
The only times I can get consistent commitment are random times where I get 1-2 hours of focus. In these times I can achieve the same amount of work as I can in 6-7 hours of work when I'm distracted.
This semester felt like my hail Mary to get my life to a state where I have excitement about what my future will look like and now my first exam is tomorrow and I'm nowhere near the level I need to be for it.
I feel apathetic. I've been frustrated at times because I feel if I could just do some consistent work then these exams wouldn't even be difficult. But now I kind of feel nothing. I'm not depressed. Suicide has never crossed my mind nor will it. I just no longer have any sort of point or idea about even what approach to take in life.
Any advice, thoughts, opinions would be appreciated. I would like to point out if there's any productivity tip you have and it exists in on the Internet then I've almost certainly read it and tried it. I have had so many to-do lists, planners, calenders, and apps over my time trying to fix this.
The only thing I have yet to try is study drugs, I can source Adderall for myself illegally but it's very expensive if I wanted it daily and I'm concerned about potential addiction.

Hello all,
I am a 23 year old male. As someone who suffers from urinary incontinence 24/7, I find myself frustrated by the lack of choices for getting diapers locally. I live in the Denver / Northern Colorado area. I have called dozens of places and none that I have called have had what I wanted. Most of the time having to wait 3-5 days for diapers to be delivered. I generally wear Abena Abri-Form Plastic L4s or Tena Large ProSkin briefs for situations where discretion is preferred.
Purpose: The purpose of this post is why I feel that starting another store focused on those of us with an actual need would be needed and to get feedback (hopefully from some who live in the Denver / Northern Colorado area).
What would I be intending on offering?:
My plan would be to offer supplies via three purchasing avenues and four fulfillment avenues.
Purchasing Options via in-person, online, and over the phone

1. In person means in a store front. My hope would be to provide samples for every product sold in the store. Have a few bathrooms for trials and take home samples for trying on products at home. If you decided you like the product I would have a decent on hand quantity at least a few cases of each product for immediate purchase.
2. Online would be a website. My hope would to be priced at or below competitors but initially I may be the same price as them or higher. Products would be shipped to your address via standard services like FedEx, UPS, USPS, etc. They would be shipped in truly non descriptive plain brown boxes.
3. Phone ordering. Have a phone number and some staff to take orders via the phone for those who can't order in person or online.
4. The fourth fulfillment option: this is one that would be available via online or phone orders for residents in the Denver / Northern Colorado area. My hope would be one day to expand past this relatively small area with more locations but this is how I would do it for the first year or more.
   1. You place your order online or over the phone. We would the deliver it to you in as little as 30 minutes. We would also offer the option to schedule the delivery for later. Again in a truly non descriptive plain brown box or boxes. More or less door dash for diapers.

Feedback I am hoping for (Positive and Negative Welcome):
I truly want to be a benefit and a comfort to the community. If you feel that there is already enough choices for these supplies or you wouldn't want to use a new company, feel free to let me know.
The main question of course: Would a local supplier / another option for online purchases be helpful?
Do you live in the Denver / Northern Colorado area?
If you don't live in the area would you be interested in purchasing from such a company?
What supplies would you be interested in purchasing? I have an initial plan for catheters, diapers, wipes, bed / furniture pads (washable / reusable and disposable). I intend on offering both youth and adult supplies for males and females.
Would educational and maybe even support resources be helpful? I know especially when I was younger that this was a scary topic and even today I HATE talking about it. But I am also sick of the stigma and the bullying that occurs because of it. It is not something we can control and I always wished there was a place to go where I could talk with and meet others with incontinence around my age group.
What else could I offer that would be helpful?
A quick note / rant on ABdlr in Englewood (Denver) CO:
I am aware that Denver now has an ABDL store called ABdlr. I refuse to go there. This will sound harsh to some but I can't imagine why anyone would want to wear diapers as a choice (for clarification I choose to wear diapers over a catheter. I had one of those ugly things in me at a hospital a few years back and it HURT. I totally understand that diapers can be more comfortable than catheters for some. I am referring only to the people who CHOOSE diapers when there is nothing wrong with them.) or pretend to be incontinent.
This discussion is not meant to be against the ABDL community. Please do not make it as such. I am simply justifying why I won't use the ABdlr store.
Final Notes / Thoughts:
If you have made it this far thank you for reading. This is something I am truly passionate about and I hope that I can have a positive impact on the community by trying to make my passion a reality.

I'm having a rough mental health week and the idea of going to work has been excruciating. I was able to come in to the office a little late on Monday, and Tuesday I decided to call out because I just couldn't do it..
I managed to do a whole lot of nothing yesterday, even though I told myself maybe I'd take a little time to catch up on things that are stressing me out about work.
Today I had every intention of going into the office, but as the time got closer to leave the house, I could feel my anxiety rising. I decided kind of last minute that I would just work from home today and tell them I am still recovering from yesterday, even though there are a few meetings I should probably be in-office for.
I'm trying to not go down the usual guilt/shame spirals with this, but old coping mechanisms die hard.
I have this weird back and forth happening in my brain. On one hand, I feel completely justified in what I'm doing and why. If someone else was struggling this way, I'd absolutely encourage them to do the same, if not take more time for themselves! On the other, I can't stop thinking about how this probably makes me look bad and that people will be wondering if I'm actually even sick or not, and also worrying about all the the things I feel behind on.
I put in a lot of effort when I'm at work, and get a lot done. My boss tells me I am doing a great job. But my job is also one where there is always something I am having to prioritize over something else that isn't going to get done at the time it ideally should. I am perpetually behind by design, as this is a non-profit organization where everyone is wearing too many hats.
I know I shouldn't feel bad about prioritizing my mental health. But I work with some old-school kind of people that get kind of weird or judgemental about working from home, even though my boss (who is really THE boss of the organization) has told me it's okay to do from time to time and isn't going to micromanage me in that way.
I guess I just need some validation that it's okay that I'm struggling this week and to prioritize myself. Or that I'm terrible for doing this, so at least my brain can pick a side and I can get on with the day. 😮‍💨

I’ve only been diagnosed for a few years now, and am curious how some of you discuss appropriate medications with your doctor. I’ve only been on Methylphenidate. I’ve been on a couple different doses- the latest being reduced from 54 mg to 36 mg. I’m very curious about Adderall. It seems to be the most positively discussed stimulant medication. Is there any reason why my doctor (MD, PSY) would be reluctant to prescribe this? I’ve never pushed the issue on my end, but wanted to hear some of your experiences trying different medications. What if Adderall is the right one for me and I’ve never even tried it? Only asking because I am struggling. I am trying to do all the things, I have a stack of ADHD self help books, I listen to podcasts daily etc. I’m as impulsive and undisciplined as ever :(
Also- can any of you recommend a community for ADHD? While I appreciate the anonymity here, it doesn’t lend to a feeling of connection. Maybe I just use Reddit wrong. I’m a younger GenXer but some new tech is making me feel a little disconnected. I sort of dropped my social media for concerns. Maybe a forum type group? Suggestions please 🙏

(Posting on mobile, sorry for formatting in advance) That's what I've been telling myself at least. I currently have an infestation going on in my apartment due to birds nesting in the vent. I had no idea this was even a thing until it happened! I wanted to put my story out in the ether and spread some hope, possibly. They are going away, but slowly.
It all started when I saw tiny bugs crawling out of my phone. It was so weird. After a deep dive on the internet, I started seeing more pop up in my bathroom. I realized that this started happening after some birds left their nest in the vent. They were going crazy one night and then left the next day. This is when all hell broke loose and I was living in one of my own worst nightmares.
The first day of discovery, my spouse and I picked up some food grade Diatamaceous Earth, spread that shit on the bedroom carpet and master bath, and slept in the living room for 2 nights. I've never been more grateful for laundry that I procrastinated on because that was our saving grace to have clothes.
What I've learned they hated: Essential oils (esp peppermint, lavender, and clove) Lack of humidity, DE, and dish soap.
EDIT: One thing that helped me when I was cleaning active spaces: Wear tight clothing, lube yourself with Aquaphor and peppermint oil. You'll be able to see them and they won't move as fast. Just make sure to exfoliate when you shower. For those with long hair, use shampoo/conditioner with peppermint in it, like Pureology Hydrate. And blowdry the crap out of your hair and apply leave-in treatments afterwards. You'll be able to fix it when you're done dealing with them.
When we vaccumed the bedroom and bathroom, we made sure to spray the perimeters with Ortho Home Defense. Of course, we also steamed the mattress, changed bedding, all that. We've been spraying our bedding with a mixture of cheap vodka, clove oil, peppermint, and some water just to keep them away.
Within the week, we started seeing successful results. In the meantime, I vacuumed and sprayed Ortho around the rest of the apartment, which afaik, was not affected. That doesn't mean the anxiety goes away and there some that occasionally pop up in the bathroom.
We forgot to treat one room in our apartment and that happened to be the closet where they wreaked absolute havoc and partied in there. We thought that would have been a safe place because there are no vents there. After 20 minutes of trying to investigate the madness, we threw some more DE in there, sprayed Ortho in the parameters we could and closed the door. Girl, bye.
We did contact our apartment complex upon first discovery. Maintenance did remove the nests, but didn't find bugs. Our apartment complex allegedly never heard of this issue in the last 15 years the complex had been around. The pest control they hired was clueless about how to help us, also never heard of this issue, and said he would "look into it" and have an answer in a week, because he only comes out on Mondays.
I called Orkin the same day and waiting on a call back for an inspection and estimate. This has been a week so far and it's driven me to the point of needing anxiety meds. I break down every damn day. We have come a long way though.
My spouse has been my absolute backbone and cannot thank her enough. She tells me to remind myself of what we've done so far and to look at the evidence. The evidence is that they are dying and are going away. I ask yourself to do the same thing if you find yourself in this situation as well. Be diligent and do what you can.
The takeaway from all this: It can and will get better. It's vital to treat the root causes first. These little fucks will multiply somehow, even without bird blood, which is so wild because it's contrary to what I've read. We haven't had any really bite us or our pets, thankfully.
Also, more life lessons: Declutter where you can, properly store your clothes in bins, and get rid of the damn cardboard boxes. I swear you don't need them. Also, dehumidify your space if you live somewhere hot and icky like I do. Good luck out there.

Why is it that it seems that I'm the only Indian woman who pays attention to appearance such as fashion, hair, makeup?
Older desi men in my area, at least the professional men, put in effort into haircuts, a good suit, cologne, watch etc and dress better than others. A good suit always looks good on a man.
I'm not seeing this as much with older desi women.
There seems to be this idea that after a certain age taking care of yourself is vanity, shallow, or I'm a single older desi woman looking to remarry.
My family thinks that's why I'm putting so much effort into it. Or that I can't accept that I'm getting older and trying to be young. Um no. There are some styles I wouldn't wear because it's too juvenile. I dress mature and age appropriate. There are some things that don't look good on older women. I get that. But that does not mean that any effort into self means I'm trying to look younger.
I find the desi mindset interesting.
The funny thing is that I was into fashion and beauty since I was 13. As a teenager I was interested in learning makeup. Of course my mother used to tease me and scold me because I should be focused on my studies. I told my mom why not both. You can imagine how it went. I got scolded for talking back and a lecture from my mom on how when she was my age she'd never imagined talking back to grandma the way I do and lack of respect with kids in America. Lolz.
But I enjoyed it and it helped me get attention from my classmates. Even the popular girls became friendly with me because they wanted to learn how I do my makeup and hair. This was a big deal for a 13 yr old girl who's the only desi in a white town.
Of course I was in fashion retail/sales during college. Dressing up just makes me feel good about myself. And of course helps in making friends with other girls in college.
That was why I was popular in school/college among the girls.
My family is funny. Though they teased me, later they'll ask me for tips or advice such as going to a wedding and not knowing what to wear etc. They opened up and accepted that I'm the fashionista. My younger cousins and nieces thought I was cool.
Now that I'm in my 40s, I'm still interested in fashion and beauty. I enjoy fashion shows and modeled. I take time to style hair and put on makeup and get clothes that flatter me etc. It seems that there's an idea among desi women that at once they reach a certain age they're "too old" to care about it.
I get it. It's tiring being a woman with many responsibilities. I'm a single mother and sometimes I just drag myself out of bed, get the kids ready for school, drop off and then quickly get ready myself and throw on whatever I have. I had days like that.
I find that when I pay even a little attention, I feel more confident and good about myself.
Anyone else noticed this?

Basically I (25f) run a in home daycare with my bf (25m) and we have a toddler who we’ve had for 6 going on 7 months she came to us as 16 months and is now 22 months (2 in August). The problem is she cries non stop. I must admit the crying has slowed down in the past month but she’s still crying all the time. What I mean by that is the first 6 months she would cry for hours non stop unless she was sleeping literally no exaggeration and now she just cries in intervals. Anytime you say the words stop,no especially she cries. If I’m taking to another child she’s crying she tries to follow me to the bathroom etc it’s overwhelming when I have multiple other kids to care for on top of a 11month old baby. In the beginning I brushed it off as a new daycare/environment but it’s been 6/7 months AND this isn’t her first time in daycare she was kicked out of a prior daycare for the same reasons.
On top of the baby’s troubles the parents are insanely stressful to deal with. Every few months they have to reauthorize their case to continue to get state assistance and each time which as been about 3 times since they started they act like they don’t know how or to busy to do it , so they ask me for help. This past march they didn’t pay because they let their payment expire so I didn’t get paid anything and that’s only a fraction of it… they are constantly texting me about the baby throughout the day which is fine but they say things like can you just show our baby a little more attention than the other babies. Like huh? Why would you even think that’s okay to ask? Then a few months back I had a sit down talk with them about the crying,baby crawling even though she can walk, constantly sending pacifiers just little things like that. And after talking for an hour and giving them advice to help her grow all they said was we will work on it. I told them she is done with the pacifier so to not send them to daycare anymore and literally every morning she has a pacifier in her mom and the mom says that’s the only way she can soothe herself even though she doesn’t use a pacifier for the 8 hours she’s at daycare. Same thing with walking we taught her to walk but they constantly carry her around and barely wears shoes I constantly tell them let her walk so she can learn and as soon as the baby sees the parents she instantly drops to the ground to crawl. On top of that they want us to pick the baby up between 5am-7am (5 if she’s with her dad 7 if she’s with her mom) but whenever they drop her off it’s not til 830/9 why are we picking her up so early? It’s little things like this that stresses me out and I just don’t want to deal with it.I think what stresses me out the most is that I’m trying to be professional and I want to help them because the mom and I graduated together so I’d feel bad by not allowing her to come back but it is completely stressful!!
Now my bf helps me everyday with the daycare but for the past 2 months we constantly argue about this same situation. Her next authorizion isn’t until October and I suggested we let them continue to come until then and just don’t reauthorize. It’s becoming draining emotionally mentally and physically tbh. He insists on keeping the family but it’s not worth it when I’m literally doing all the work to keep her here but the parents aren’t doing their part! After a big argument I told him if he wants them here he will have to deal with all exchanges with the family obviously I will care for the baby while she’s here but I’m not going above. He says I’m an AH for not basically jumping for joy when the baby comes or acknowledging the mom. I do obviously care for the baby just want to make that clear but I’m just not excited when she’s here it sounds terrible but that’s what it is
So AITA for not acknowledging the family?
What stresses me is that I’ve tried helping in many ways giving advice when I don’t have kids myself so I can’t give you much advice just what I’ve learned the past 10 years working in childcare. My bf has only been in childcare for the 7 months we’ve had the daycare and I keep telling him if the parents aren’t cooperative it won’t work out. This isn’t my first time dealing with a stressful family and I understand it won’t be my last but as a business owner it’s my right to say I don’t want to deal with this stressful situation
I