I wanted to like The Notebook more than I did. That’s not to say that it was bad, but I felt like it wasn’t as good as it could have been, and it just didn’t quite resonate with me.
The biggest issue to me is the score. It’s very generic 2020s/late 2010s pop musical. Again, it’s not bad, but it’s nothing special either; it just felt like it could be the score to any number of musicals to come to Broadway in the last decade. However, despite the mediocre score, the vocal arrangements and orchestrations are refreshing and absolutely gorgeous. There aren’t many shows that have a dedicated harp book these days, and it really brings out the romance in the story. The reed book and percussion books also stand out, and the percussion (love that there’s no drum kit!) is used so effectively without being overpowering. As far as I can tell there’s only one percussionist, and they must be an octopus given how much they have to cover.
This really feels like the year for scenic design on Broadway. So many shows have unique and creative set/lighting design. I loved the backdrops (especially for the lake scenes), and the lighting really ties everything together—the use of color in the lighting and the way the light plays off the pool at the front of the stage are beautiful. As for the rain scene, it beautifully done, but it felt unnecessary— like it was only there because it was in the film. The rain didn’t elevate the scene in the same way as it did in shows like The Outsiders or Prima Facie.
Overall it’s a good show, but I left the theatre feeling like I missed something. It felt much more like Allie’s story than Allie’s and Noah’s love story as it purports to be, largely because of the book and changes made in adapting the story to the stage. Noah’s character was very flat and lacked any meaningful development as the story progressed. The trio of actors playing Allie also overshadowed the actors playing Noah. Jordan Tyson captures younger Allie’s youthful naiveté and innocence so well, and Marianne Plunkett portrays older Allie’s struggles with aging and mental decline with such depth and earnestness. Holy shit Joy Woods is incredible. Her vocal performance is so effortlessly powerful, and it allows her acting performance to shine through. She very artfully adds minor tics and facial expressions and gestures that bring the character to life in even the most calm moments of the show. She’s one of the best young theater actors; I would argue on par with someone like Eva Noblezada.
TLDR: It’s a very solid and emotional show, albeit with some shortcomings in the score and book.
Now, to address the title (spoilers for both stories ahead).Both Jay Gatsby and Noah:

• Come from a poor family
• Have a very brief summer romance with someone from a wealthy family whose parents disapprove of the relationship
• Go off to fight in the war and never hear from the woman they feel in love with because her parents prevent his letters from reaching her.
• Return from the war to find that woman is now with another man
• Build a nice house to convince said woman that they can give her everything she wants
• Rise to wealth and/or fame as a result
• Ask the woman they love to choose between them and the man they’re currently committed to
• Die

Both stories also feature a very pivotal scene that takes place while it’s raining and use light as a metaphor for their love: Noah leaving the light on for Allie and Gatsby fixating on the green light at the end of Daisy's dock. The Notebook is just The Great Gatsby if it had a happy ending and Tom wasn’t abusive. Viewed through this lens, The Notebook is a much better adaptation of The Great Gatsby (novel) than The Great Gatsby(musical) is—certainly a better adaptation of the story of Daisy and Gatsby, at least, if not the deeper themes.

It is worth acknowledging from the jump what many of you, my dear and indulging friends, suspect: my expectations for a Broadway adaptation of The Notebook (a movie I do not particularly like) with music from Ingrid Michaelson (a singer-songwriter whose work I do not particularly enjoy) were not, well, they weren’t particularly high. I was mostly interested in seeing it to celebrate a former collaborator, Jordan Tyson, who’s making her Broadway debut as Younger Allie.
When my parents announced they were coming to town, I knew just the show to recommend. Everything about the idea of a Broadway adaptation of The Notebook that caused me to approach it with eyebrow arched also makes it ideal My Parents Are Coming to the City material. And it is. The Notebook is indeed perfect fodder for the MPACttC crowd. That’s a backhanded compliment in many cases, but The Notebook also happens to be good.
I was more or less instantly charmed. Given the cast, I should have known. It’s hard to watch Dorian Harewood and not be charmed. Harewood, who plays Older Noah, and Maryann Plunkett (Older Allie) are both great actors, and it is a joy to watch them. The contemporary portions of The Notebook are set in the nursing home where Older Allie receives live-in care for advanced Alzheimer’s. Plunkett is remarkable, and exhausting to watch. I mean that as a compliment. I don’t know how she gives that performance eight times a week. It must be physically exhausting. Her Tony nomination is richly deserved.
I assume you know the story. So does the show, come to think of it. There are no attempts to couch anything in a twist, no reveals that a lesser adaptation might try to milk. We find things out as they happen. Perfect. Older Noah reads to Older Allie, his wife, from a mysterious notebook. We “learn” after a little while that the contents of the notebook are their story. I remember that being a bit more of a reveal in the movie version, but here the staging makes that more or less apparent from the start. Again, that’s fine. The Notebook isn’t interested in hiding that from you. The ultimate revelation about the notebook—if you know, you know—still hits, and it hits like a fucking truck.
The most interesting and inspired choice The Notebook makes is dividing both Allie and Noah into three flavors: Younger, Middle, and Older. Prior to seeing the show, I assumed that was a concession born out of practicality. I thought the show might jump back and forth too frequently to allow for aging or de-aging, whether through makeup or quick changes. Instead, the leads in triplicate are part of the conceptual fabric. Even if the idea started as a matter of practicality, the creative team has turned it into an inspired choice. The three eras don’t interact with one another, by which I mean they do not speak to one another, but they do create echoes. The various ages sing together, and spend much of the show on stage simultaneously.
Directors Michael Greif and Schele Williams make smart, tasteful use of the conceit. They never lean on it. This is a shockingly unsentimental show given what it could have been. One of my favorite moments, which comes during the absolutely tear-drenched finale—I have cried that hard in a theater only twice before—is when the Allies and Noahs kiss. The Olders are towards the back, the Middles in the middle, and the Youngers are right out front. It passed quickly, a moment content to be only an instant (treat the moment present as a present for the moment, indeed) and everyone goes their separate ways in the staging. That idea, that we are all of the versions of ourselves at any one moment, that to love someone is to love who you have been together and who you are and who you will be, it’s beautiful. I’m tearing up now thinking about it. The Notebook didn’t need to be this thoughtful.
I also have nothing but compliments for the book, which is sharp, funny, and expedient (Bekah Brunstetter earned that Tony nomination). The songs are where The Notebook struggles most. Individually, they are enjoyable, but as a score, they smear together. None of them make an impression, even if none of them offend. They are too similar. Joy Woods, who is phenomenal as Middle Allie, singlehandedly turns “My Days” into a great 11 o’clock number, but that was the only time I found myself getting lost in the music. The odd lyric jumps out here and there—Older Allie’s “I am in love with all of the things I forget” is wondrous—but there’s little to grab onto. With a better score, The Notebook might have a chance at entering the pantheon. I’m sure it will do just fine in any case.
One final thought before I go. In The Notebook, we get to see Harewood and Plunkett do something we don’t often get to see great older actors do: be people who are old. That phrasing is intentionally belabored. They aren’t playing Old People. Older Allie and Older Noah aren’t sagacious grandparents. Nor are they there to reflect on the younger characters around them. Though it would have assuredly wrecked me, The Notebook features nothing like Light in the Piazza’s “Let’s Walk,” a song about the passage of time framed around the behavior of The Kids These Days, and that’s as it should be. Allie and Noah are the narrative, in all three eras we see depicted. The Notebook gives equal time and weight and dignity to their experiences near the end of their lives as it does to those nearer the beginning. Older Noah’s flirtation with Older Allie is given the same energy as Younger with Younger. That is a kindness we do not normally see afforded in popular entertainment. I looked over at one point to notice my parents quietly holding hands. Who knows what memories they were sharing in that moment.
You can read the original post on my blog, The Cost of a Basket of Fish: https://www.andrewjacksonlynch.com/the-cost-of-a-basket-of-fish/2024/6/6/kzta7z0ddl4jgb0eakehgd6im2u8xe

STILL FUN! Welcome back. Now here’s my tier breakdown of each of the 8 PIQ prompts and advice on if/how to answer them.
F-Tier (Unusable)
8. Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you stand out as a strong candidate for admissions to the University of California?
I've attempted this prompt on three occasions with three students but never submitted it. The first two were back in my first year when I didn’t know what I was doing. In each case, I was hoping to use this prompt similarly to how I use the additional info box on the Common App—as a way to explain away issues or gas up a certain project or whatever.
The problem is the UC Application already has an additional info section.
Here's a College Essay Guy article on it. Don't read his other UC stuff tho mine's better grrrr.
https://www.collegeessayguy.com/blog/UC-application-additional-comments-examples
Said box is kind of buried within the UC application portal, and I guarantee the majority of applicants (and acceptances) never touch it.
And while I am a big, big, big fan of the Common App Additional Info section for reasons that I'll write about another time, for the UCs it all feels a little weird. UCs already don't ask for LoRs/do nearly as much background checking on your personal life. This seems to be half because they're too busy and half for reasons that tend not to affect the average Berkeley EES gunner quite as often:
https://dailybruin.com/2017/08/07/uc-job-applications-to-no-longer-require-disclosure-of-past-convictions
All this is to say that PIQ 8 is basically an additional info box, on a form that already has an additional info box, for an organization that doesn't seem to want your additional info that much.
I'm sure there are other ways you could answer this prompt. And like, I'm sure it could be fine. But I've been doing this a long time, and am yet to find a story a student wishes to tell that couldn't fit into one of the other seven prompts. This one is a meme and sucks. Just ignore it.
C-Tier (I'm not mad just disappointed)
There are no E or D tiers. That's because there are no other UC prompts I think aren't ever worth doing. But the following two I have major beef with.
5. Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?
Yo. Want me to make this prompt A-Tier? At worst High-B? It's very simple.
5. Describe a significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. What takeaways have you gained from this experience?
All I've done is change "the most" to "a" and made the back half more generalized because not all challenges affect your academic achievement. I’d also be fine with:
The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?
This, of course, being the #2 option for the Common App Personal Statement, which I’m 100% fine with.
Hell if that's too much, this would also be totally fine.
Describe a significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge.
That solves two logistical problems that this prompt represents. And I sorely hope this piece passes the desk of someone at UC Admissions because it's valuable feedback on how they could make their application better for both students and readers.
The first problem is that "most significant challenge" is an unbelievable burden to ask of a teenager who just wants to get into college. It is my belief that the UCs want you to answer every PIQ question like you're answering a job interview question. And I like that! No quotes. No metaphors. Just take the prompt and answer it accurately and articulately.
But part of that is answering the question honestly and authentically. So, UC admissions, you don't want some flowy monologue because you want to learn about the student? And if you catch wind that they're trying to hustle you with their responses, that's no good, right? Well, this prompt places certain students in a very tricky situation.
Billy wants to attend UCLA for math. Billy looks at PIQ 5 and immediately thinks about the time his school's bus system shut down, so he developed a car-pool app to get him and his friends to class on time. The problem is that he A) doesn't really know how to tie that back to academic achievement without stretching and B) Billy doesn't want to lie. That absolutely isn't his most significant challenge. His most significant challenge was when his alcoholic father went to prison for assaulting his mother, and he had to testify at the trial. And he really didn't take many steps to overcome that it still haunts him. And also, very little of this experience affected his academic achievement.
So, I tell Billy it's fine, and we're 100% gonna go with the carpool story because it's fun and this prompt doesn't need to be taken literally, and also we can kind of just throw a bone to the academic achievement part they don't care.
(Actually, no. I say that to make my main man, Bill feel better, only to stare at prompt again, feel uneasy about the whole thing, and have us pivot that same bus story to a different PIQ, probably 2 or 4 in which it still fits fine.)
Am I right? This is how I handle this question, and how I recommend you students tackle it as well. Remember, "significant" is still very much there. Like whatever happened needs to rank on the "oh ya that sounds hard" scale. But it doesn't even need to be a negative thing. Building College With Mattie was a hell of a significant challenge. It doesn't mean it was a bad thing. But it also wasn't my most significant challenge that was being suicidally ill and addicted to opiates for most of my 20s.
But I know I'm playing with fire every time I take a student down this road. There is no other PIQ prompt that requires me to tell a student we can and should lie. And that’s why I tend to avoid this prompt entirely, more often than not. The fact is that for the vast majority of 17-year-olds on Earth, the most significant challenge they have faced is not something I recommend writing about at all.
And if your most significant challenge either isn't so dark or you find it important enough to write about then I give my support. But even then, you still need to get that needle into a dark enough zone or else you might be arbitrarily punished for “not taking the prompt seriously.”
I KNOW FOR A FACT that all this chaos results in a lot of kids who just wants to get into Davis seeing 5 and being like "Okay, that's what they want" and then being forced to recollect and share with a stranger legitimate trauma for reasons that are anything but cathartic. Especially if they don't get in. It’s bullshit, guys. Chance the fucking prompt.
Maybe this never reaches UC brass, but if you find this and you do UC seasonal reading or whatever, how do you handle reading PIQ 5s all day? Is it like an inside sour spot with your co-workers? I imagine you've read some dark PIQ 5 answers, and I won't speak to how much that made you want/not want to accept, but isn't that hard on you as a reader? As a human? Second-hand trauma is a very real phenomenon observed by internet moderators to the point that Facebook now makes mods sign agreements that they understand the risks of their work. Were you ever briefed or prepared for the type of content you’re exposed to?
https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-57088382.amp
Could you ask your bosses to rewrite the prompt to be *a* significant challenge? You don’t have to mention it’s the idea of some weirdo consultant you read online. Just bring up the issue. I guarantee it will cut down on a whole lot of problems in the future.
4. Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced.
Um, this is a much more boring version of the prior rant. My problem with this prompt is semantic: this is two separate questions.
So, I tend to take the question at its wording and completely ignore the section that doesn't apply. Thus making our options:
Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity
OR
Describe how you worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced
And I'm 95% okay with that. My only worry is that some hardo reader will be like "GRRR WE WANT THE QUESTION ANSWERED IN FULL!" Bro, you literally told me to pick one so I did.
But even using that metric, both of these new prompts are still C, mayyybe B tier. The problem is they both then become a weaker version of another promoter. 4A is now just a crappy version of the upcoming "Academic Subject" PIQ6 and 4B is just a crappy version of PIQ 5!
…This is getting silly. I only recommend using 4A. And yes it will just be a crappy version of another prompt you already used, but that's okay, in a pinch. I've actually warmed to it this year after finding a strategy for it that goes pretty well. Wheras PIQ 6 asks you to write about an academic interest in length, 4A can instead be used to talk about a specific academic experience (related to your applied major) that meant a lot to you. Both, if done correctly, should lead to a similar takeaway of "homie sure loves this major."
Fair warning! What you must avoid at all costs is the dreaded "field trip essay." This is a trap that most essays on research, internships, and other "shiny" ECs fall into. Your essay can't just be a blow-by-blow recap of all the things you saw and experienced at an event. At best that becomes an extracurricular sheet retread, and at worst you remove all agency from your contribution to the work itself. The event itself is not the one applying to college, so talking about how awesome it was won't help you.
The key to fixing this is making sure the actual academic experience is shrunk down into a nice tight paragraph or two. And then you spend the crux of the writing after extrapolating what you learned from that experience. You need to open the topic up to a more generalized view of the content and how your time there shifted it. So like you can write 100 words about how awesome it was to shadow that Doctor. But the 250 after need to be about how your views on the importance of pre-screening to prevent infectious diseases is imperative to public health, and how you have/will go about making that a priority. Got it?
4B? I…I actually never do 4B. I guess it's because I tend to promote an application that presents learning as such a magical, inspiring adventure in and of itself that there really isn't any time things went bad. Well okay, there are, but I never want to use limited application essay space writing about the time the magic carpet ride got held up. JUST EXPLAIN THE RIDE!
Now we have five PIQs left, and I have significantly fewer rants in me about any of them. Instead, I have actual advice because these are the ones my students actually do lol.
B-Tier (Viable, but only at an angle)
2. Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side.
I like explaining how to do this one because it makes me feel clever.
I will almost never take an artist, or singer, or writer, or pianist down this path. Especially if they are applying for that major. Now, I'm still having that opera singer write about singing opera, but not here. Can you parse why?
It's because writing about how a creative endeavor helps you express your creative side is inherently uncreative.
I mean, I could get away with it. But also I'm a professional writer and can get away with a lot of things. I'd probably write about how I never take notes, or journal, or outline a damn thing. Instead, I sit down randomly and type off 800-3,000 words: the vast majority never gets published. I know something I wrote is good enough specifically because I get it to a finish line at all. My writing only becomes real once I publish and see the response, as that's the one way I may test my creativity as opposed to assuming it.
And that would be the 12th-most interesting way I imagine I could write about why I love writing.
I guess that this being a prompt about *creativity* is what makes me so stringent that you can't come off as basic. If your creative hobby is how you unwind, or express yourself, or learn about yourself, that's super awesome.
But… those inherent benefits of being creative are kinda obvious and repetitive. Further, many other PIQs allow you to bring up your creative endeavor in a more entertaining light. What is your greatest talent or skill? It's Painting? Sick! Explain why you kill-crush it at painting. You in some artist community? Better tell me how you improve that artist community. And hell, feel free to get a paragraph into either of those essays about how painting allows you to express your creative side, if that's important to you. But don't burn an entire PIQ on it.
So who does write here? Well, it's kids who are applying math, or poli-sci, or computer science. Kids who work at food banks, normal banks, or any other non-creative environment.
I then ask them, "Okay, how do you express your creativity?"
And the responses come in three flavors:

1. They don't
2. They do via some hobby they never planned to write about
3. They do via a non-traditional extracurricular that one wouldn't inherently expect to be creative

1 is most common. And that's fine! We move right along. 2 comes up a fair amount: usually stuff like origami or collecting things. These tend to peter out if/when it becomes obvious they don't actually care that much about said hobby, it's just all they got. 3 is also rare, and usually involves the most digging and reconceptualization, but when it does it can be quite effective.
There's a reason this is B-Tier. It's kind of a difficult nut to crack. But when it hits, it can be pretty neat. A few winners that come to mind are the kid who wrote about building custom headphones and the aesthetic detail choices that accompany the boring tech parts. Another was a girl who wrote about her love of hiking as a way to clear her head and think about science problems that she wanted to solve.
Solid topics, right? But they're rare. And also not that solid. I do still absolutely recommend you take a lap thinking about this one through the lens I've provided. I think the stronger advice is from above that traditionally creative people should use a different prompt to explain their creativity than this one. Just more juice from the squeeze.
1. Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes or contributed to group efforts over time.
I mentioned above that UC readers will (presumably) read the four essays you submit in the numerical order that they're offered. I also mentioned not worrying about it, but I'll admit here I always do at least a little bit of consultant voodoo in making sure that the pacing of the four essays flows nicely. Meaning we save the most emotional response for the last or second-to-last PIQ. We similarly try and have the earliest PIQ read with a little bit of extra flair to it, almost like a single off an album!
And that brings us to PIQ1 here. I think it's a good fair question! But we run into a somewhat similar problem to the creativity prompt above.
Just writing about how you led one time is boring. And extra problematic is that this is PIQ response 1, and you're then expecting your reader to stick around once you get to the cool essays you actually care about.
The UCs want you to answer the questions authentically and logically, but they also want something worth reading. My advice here is different than the prompt above. You do not need to think of a time you weren't actually a leader because that's clever. If you led some shit, that's cool write about it and how you led it.
But! Do not fall into the trap of thinking that's all this is really supposed to be. I guess if you read through the essay and realize that the only takeaway is "you did, in fact, lead. And you did, in fact, contribute to group efforts over time." then that's not good enough.
I think the problem is the prompt. "Describe an example of your leadership experience" very much implies they want a full run-down of some club or event. They do not! Instead, try out, "Tell a story exemplifying your leadership experience."
And I guess we still get into weird meta-land because they still very much want you to tell that story like you are answering a job interview question. It's the difference between:
In tenth grade, I became president of my youth soccer team. As a leader, I signed new members and signed us up for tournaments. I also made it so more students came to practice every day. Thanks to my efforts we won the…
And
In tenth grade, I became president of my youth soccer team. The team was talented, but players would miss practice a lot. I couldn't force them to come every day because the team itself was voluntary, but I still needed to get them there so the team could improve.
And
Ryan wasn't at practice again. The third time this week. I felt sweat on my brow as I reached to my trusty notebook to cross out his name in red ink.
I promise I'm neither trying to confuse nor overwhelm you with all this info. Those are all absolutely ways to, theoretically, respond to this prompt. But option B is what I think the PIQs ask for, which is good because it's also the option of the three that isn't bad.
So don't be afraid of this prompt if it makes sense to you. The question itself does not require too much gaming. It's more that you make sure to use that prompt to write an actual essay instead of a glorified Extracurricular entry.
I actually might move this to D-Tier because I remembered another rant. This prompt is different in that instead of asking you to answer some question, it is actively instructing you to display a specific college-approved characteristic. The creative one also kind of does. I think I would similarly dislike a prompt that asked you to “Describe a time you displayed empathy” or “Describe a time you demonstrated perseverance." These PIQs and every other college essay are, at their core, asking you to display your traits/values/ya know that you will contribute at their school. But this prompt does it in such a direct, on-the-nose way that it itself becomes limiting.
A Tier (You should do these they’re good and fun)
3. what would you say is your greatest talent or skill? how have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?
Now we’re cooking! If you can’t think of any credible answers for this prompt, I’m sorry that’s kind of a self-own.
Here are some ways I’ve taken students through it.

1. We just flex. Are you, like, really good at something? Like won big competitions, or run a business, or have a dedicated bench reserved for you at Carnegie Hall? There is absolutely nothing wrong with dropping that in here and just celebrating how and why you are so damn good.

And be proud of yourself! This is not the time to play faux-humble and act like that solar death ray you built ain’t no thang. Now, don’t come off cocky or arrogant, but a nice line between passionate, engaged, dedicated, and proud of what you’ve achieved is gonna read really nice.
This is also a great spot to EC Profile. Feel free to bring up just how much money your non-profit raised, and how many stray cats you were able to provide food for. Mention how the mayor personally commended you and even throw in a quote from his recommendation.
But that should find its way in around content that goes into why your skill means so much to you and the way you engage with it that makes you different. This essay should be fun have fun answering it.
2) We use it to write about an EC that they’re super into but…well they’re not elite at it, aren’t majoring in it, and I tend not to see it as a huge boost to their overall acceptance chances—because not all ECs are created equal. This is mostly band, marching band, sports, debate, MUN, and maybe like an academic club that itself isn’t that impressive. But I’m not a total jerk, and if something matters to my student we get it in here. Often these essays are big on personality and passion, as opposed to self-praise. Lot of mini-stories about the debate bus getting lost in Tijuana and having a special handshake with every other violinist. That kind of stuff.
3) We go a little ironic with it and bring up something that they are “great” at, but like who cares. These almost always begin with the item + "!" As it’s own paragraph.
“Beating my brother in Charades!”
“Paintball!”
“Digging holes!”
Then we’re off, kinda like example two, with a fun, high-energy piece that’s really more about how/why they love something than actually expecting to get into UCLA because you kick ass at counting how many dead bugs splatter on your windshield.
4) We go soft skills. “Being there for my friends.” “Keeping my brother out of trouble.” “Making teachers laugh.”
Okay, we made 7,500 words in, and for the first time, I hope you went “oooh. I like this idea.” Because this fourth option is really strong and has led to a lot of great content. In this version, the prompt becomes a modified version of the upcoming community essay. But this one is more flexible, and I think lends itself more to describing your personal strengths and mindset, vs #7, which demands more evidence of your help.
I’m even thinking back to that leadership prompt, but how bout instead of writing about your time as leader at lil-kid robot camp for 1, you instead start this bad boy with a “Getting little kids up and dressed in time for breakfast”? That open can then very naturally lead into a similar overview of your time as camp leader, only you now have a fun angle + infinite flexibility on where you go with it. Damn. PIQ 3 is so spicy. Love PIQ 3.
7. what have you done to make your school or your community a better place?
The good news here is you kinda just want to answer the prompt. And you are doing yourself a real disservice if you skip this one. It turns out that the University of California very much wishes to know how you have contributed to your school or community. I mean, every school does, but I can’t think of any other program except Princeton rn that places a larger emphasis on your charitable and selfless deeds than this series of prestigious Universities run by Bay Area Liberal Elites.
I guess my advice is don’t overthink it. Here is a rough flow chart on what to cover. Have you:

1. Organized and/or led a large-scale service effort that achieved demonstrated impact? You should write about it! Provide equal space to profile the work you’ve done and then also your motivations and experiences throughout your time working. I almost always have students at least get a paragraph in here that brings the reader down to the ground floor. Yes, your major role may have been fundraising, but what was it like being able to deliver those camping supplies to homeless vets? What did you chat about, and how did that make you feel? I hope I’m not throwing you for a loop here; this essay should kind of write itself, provided you’ve put in the work.
2. Are you involved in one or several service groups? Write about them here. Often it’s several, and a fun strategy can be to compare and contrast the way you handle different situations. If you both teach music to inner-city children and work at the food bank, how is your mindset similar or different between them? Similar seems to work better, if only in a “we’re all human" kind of way.
3. Did you volunteer? Or…help anyone? I do a ton of lil-kid tutoring essays with students, primarily because, for whatever reason, I have a lot of perspective on the fine art of academically and morally supporting someone ~10 years younger than me whom I adore and want to see get everything they deserve in life. Go figure.

This can kind of just be an essay about whatever work you did and the relationships you made along the way. Such a topic also probably fits other prompts, but if you don’t have anything grander to profile + understand that you really need to answer this one, this is a fine spot.
4) You also can be flexible with what a community is. I remember a good one was, “I share my pens with people.” And then the essay was about her pen collection and how she has happy pens and scared pens and everyone gets a certain pen and she got into Berkeley so there.
All I’m saying is this prompt can be flexible, if need be. But unless you have a really great angle to take it (LIKE PENS), you’re better off playing it straight with one of the EC-centric avenues listed above.
I really, really don’t want this section to come off as cynical. Helping people is cool, and you should be proud of whatever work you’ve done. There’s no crazy meta-strat, except that you very, very, very want to answer this one. Write the essay you want to write here, and if it makes you feel something meaningful while writing it, that energy will come across in the final product.
But do answer this one. If you want to get into college, that is.
S-Tier (Must haves and must have in a certain way)
We finish this tier list off with THE GOAT
6. think about an academic subject that inspires you. describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom.
I went back and looked at the UC section for all four full years of student files I’ve worked on. I then ignored 2019 because I had no idea what I was doing that first year.
Of the three remaining years, I have had two (2) students ever apply to the UCs without answering this prompt. One because we only finished three essays, period and I don’t even know if he applied. The others are because we basically just repurposed PIQ4 to tell the same story. In every other case we have hit this essay with both barrels. And that’s not changing anytime soon. Do six.
But what makes this prompt so important isn't just that you need to do it; there's very much a way in which you want to tackle it.
Okay, so when you apply to the UCs you have to pick a major.
Right, so that major is probably gonna be the same for all the different schools. Or if not, there’s going to be a certain school/major option that you are most holding out hope for. Yes? Makes sense.
Great. That major is now an academic subject that inspires you and you have furthered inside and/or outside of the classroom.
I usually have students write this PIQ response twice. The first time is right at the beginning. That response is a straightforward and almost literal response to the prompt. Hell, I can give you a quick-and-dirty outline to parrot:

• How student was first Introduced to subject
• Reason for fascination/enjoyment
• Deep dive into specific aspect of subject that most interests them
• Discussion of how they personally worked to better understand the subject matter
• Discussion of related EC that increased their knowledge
• (Optional) Discussion of additional EC that increased their knowledge
• Conclusion reaffirming their passion w/ vague specifics on the type of advanced research/learning they wish to tackle in college

Such a PIQ draft will prove invaluable both because this is the essay you pretty much need to be submitting and also because organizing and analyzing your academic history as it relates to your future major now will make it much easier to write about that journey at length in the many application essays to come.
I guess I’m spoiling my big huge strategy for college admissions as a whole, but a spoiler is that if you’re applying math to college, I think it’s really God damn important that you explain how and why you like math so much, the academic and life experiences that have informed such a bold claim, at least a guesstimation regarding where you’d like to take this passion in the future, and, if applicable, how the school you’re applying to will prove the next logical step on your grand journey. That’s FLL, baby.
And then the second draft of this essential, no-doubt, gotta have it PIQ response? Well, that comes quite a bit later. Like, usually once we return in November. That newer, more successful draft will usually contain a lot of the same core EC material and general theming, but usually be contained within a deeper, more satisfying narrative explaining why they like the subject so damn much in the first place. Such sugary coating usually forms naturally as I get to know my students better and help them discover who they are and why they do what they do. It’s kind of my job.

• Mattie

STILL FUN! Welcome back. Now here’s my tier breakdown of each of the 8 PIQ prompts and advice on if/how to answer them.
F-Tier (Unusable)
8. Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you stand out as a strong candidate for admissions to the University of California?
I've attempted this prompt on three occasions with three students but never submitted it. The first two were back in my first year when I didn’t know what I was doing. In each case, I was hoping to use this prompt similarly to how I use the additional info box on the Common App—as a way to explain away issues or gas up a certain project or whatever.
The problem is the UC Application already has an additional info section.
Here's a College Essay Guy article on it. Don't read his other UC stuff tho mine's better grrrr.
https://www.collegeessayguy.com/blog/UC-application-additional-comments-examples
Said box is kind of buried within the UC application portal, and I guarantee the majority of applicants (and acceptances) never touch it.
And while I am a big, big, big fan of the Common App Additional Info section for reasons that I'll write about another time, for the UCs it all feels a little weird. UCs already don't ask for LoRs/do nearly as much background checking on your personal life. This seems to be half because they're too busy and half for reasons that tend not to affect the average Berkeley EES gunner quite as often:
https://dailybruin.com/2017/08/07/uc-job-applications-to-no-longer-require-disclosure-of-past-convictions
All this is to say that PIQ 8 is basically an additional info box, on a form that already has an additional info box, for an organization that doesn't seem to want your additional info that much.
I'm sure there are other ways you could answer this prompt. And like, I'm sure it could be fine. But I've been doing this a long time, and am yet to find a story a student wishes to tell that couldn't fit into one of the other seven prompts. This one is a meme and sucks. Just ignore it.
C-Tier (I'm not mad just disappointed)
There are no E or D tiers. That's because there are no other UC prompts I think aren't ever worth doing. But the following two I have major beef with.
5. Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?
Yo. Want me to make this prompt A-Tier? At worst High-B? It's very simple.
5. Describe a significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. What takeaways have you gained from this experience?
All I've done is change "the most" to "a" and made the back half more generalized because not all challenges affect your academic achievement. I’d also be fine with:
The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?
This, of course, being the #2 option for the Common App Personal Statement, which I’m 100% fine with.
Hell if that's too much, this would also be totally fine.
Describe a significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge.
That solves two logistical problems that this prompt represents. And I sorely hope this piece passes the desk of someone at UC Admissions because it's valuable feedback on how they could make their application better for both students and readers.
The first problem is that "most significant challenge" is an unbelievable burden to ask of a teenager who just wants to get into college. It is my belief that the UCs want you to answer every PIQ question like you're answering a job interview question. And I like that! No quotes. No metaphors. Just take the prompt and answer it accurately and articulately.
But part of that is answering the question honestly and authentically. So, UC admissions, you don't want some flowy monologue because you want to learn about the student? And if you catch wind that they're trying to hustle you with their responses, that's no good, right? Well, this prompt places certain students in a very tricky situation.
Billy wants to attend UCLA for math. Billy looks at PIQ 5 and immediately thinks about the time his school's bus system shut down, so he developed a car-pool app to get him and his friends to class on time. The problem is that he A) doesn't really know how to tie that back to academic achievement without stretching and B) Billy doesn't want to lie. That absolutely isn't his most significant challenge. His most significant challenge was when his alcoholic father went to prison for assaulting his mother, and he had to testify at the trial. And he really didn't take many steps to overcome that it still haunts him. And also, very little of this experience affected his academic achievement.
So, I tell Billy it's fine, and we're 100% gonna go with the carpool story because it's fun and this prompt doesn't need to be taken literally, and also we can kind of just throw a bone to the academic achievement part they don't care.
(Actually, no. I say that to make my main man, Bill feel better, only to stare at prompt again, feel uneasy about the whole thing, and have us pivot that same bus story to a different PIQ, probably 2 or 4 in which it still fits fine.)
Am I right? This is how I handle this question, and how I recommend you students tackle it as well. Remember, "significant" is still very much there. Like whatever happened needs to rank on the "oh ya that sounds hard" scale. But it doesn't even need to be a negative thing. Building College With Mattie was a hell of a significant challenge. It doesn't mean it was a bad thing. But it also wasn't my most significant challenge that was being suicidally ill and addicted to opiates for most of my 20s.
But I know I'm playing with fire every time I take a student down this road. There is no other PIQ prompt that requires me to tell a student we can and should lie. And that’s why I tend to avoid this prompt entirely, more often than not. The fact is that for the vast majority of 17-year-olds on Earth, the most significant challenge they have faced is not something I recommend writing about at all.
And if your most significant challenge either isn't so dark or you find it important enough to write about then I give my support. But even then, you still need to get that needle into a dark enough zone or else you might be arbitrarily punished for “not taking the prompt seriously.”
I KNOW FOR A FACT that all this chaos results in a lot of kids who just wants to get into Davis seeing 5 and being like "Okay, that's what they want" and then being forced to recollect and share with a stranger legitimate trauma for reasons that are anything but cathartic. Especially if they don't get in. It’s bullshit, guys. Chance the fucking prompt.
Maybe this never reaches UC brass, but if you find this and you do UC seasonal reading or whatever, how do you handle reading PIQ 5s all day? Is it like an inside sour spot with your co-workers? I imagine you've read some dark PIQ 5 answers, and I won't speak to how much that made you want/not want to accept, but isn't that hard on you as a reader? As a human? Second-hand trauma is a very real phenomenon observed by internet moderators to the point that Facebook now makes mods sign agreements that they understand the risks of their work. Were you ever briefed or prepared for the type of content you’re exposed to?
https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-57088382.amp
Could you ask your bosses to rewrite the prompt to be *a* significant challenge? You don’t have to mention it’s the idea of some weirdo consultant you read online. Just bring up the issue. I guarantee it will cut down on a whole lot of problems in the future.
4. Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced.
Um, this is a much more boring version of the prior rant. My problem with this prompt is semantic: this is two separate questions.
So, I tend to take the question at its wording and completely ignore the section that doesn't apply. Thus making our options:
Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity
OR
Describe how you worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced
And I'm 95% okay with that. My only worry is that some hardo reader will be like "GRRR WE WANT THE QUESTION ANSWERED IN FULL!" Bro, you literally told me to pick one so I did.
But even using that metric, both of these new prompts are still C, mayyybe B tier. The problem is they both then become a weaker version of another promoter. 4A is now just a crappy version of the upcoming "Academic Subject" PIQ6 and 4B is just a crappy version of PIQ 5!
…This is getting silly. I only recommend using 4A. And yes it will just be a crappy version of another prompt you already used, but that's okay, in a pinch. I've actually warmed to it this year after finding a strategy for it that goes pretty well. Wheras PIQ 6 asks you to write about an academic interest in length, 4A can instead be used to talk about a specific academic experience (related to your applied major) that meant a lot to you. Both, if done correctly, should lead to a similar takeaway of "homie sure loves this major."
Fair warning! What you must avoid at all costs is the dreaded "field trip essay." This is a trap that most essays on research, internships, and other "shiny" ECs fall into. Your essay can't just be a blow-by-blow recap of all the things you saw and experienced at an event. At best that becomes an extracurricular sheet retread, and at worst you remove all agency from your contribution to the work itself. The event itself is not the one applying to college, so talking about how awesome it was won't help you.
The key to fixing this is making sure the actual academic experience is shrunk down into a nice tight paragraph or two. And then you spend the crux of the writing after extrapolating what you learned from that experience. You need to open the topic up to a more generalized view of the content and how your time there shifted it. So like you can write 100 words about how awesome it was to shadow that Doctor. But the 250 after need to be about how your views on the importance of pre-screening to prevent infectious diseases is imperative to public health, and how you have/will go about making that a priority. Got it?
4B? I…I actually never do 4B. I guess it's because I tend to promote an application that presents learning as such a magical, inspiring adventure in and of itself that there really isn't any time things went bad. Well okay, there are, but I never want to use limited application essay space writing about the time the magic carpet ride got held up. JUST EXPLAIN THE RIDE!
Now we have five PIQs left, and I have significantly fewer rants in me about any of them. Instead, I have actual advice because these are the ones my students actually do lol.
B-Tier (Viable, but only at an angle)
2. Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side.
I like explaining how to do this one because it makes me feel clever.
I will almost never take an artist, or singer, or writer, or pianist down this path. Especially if they are applying for that major. Now, I'm still having that opera singer write about singing opera, but not here. Can you parse why?
It's because writing about how a creative endeavor helps you express your creative side is inherently uncreative.
I mean, I could get away with it. But also I'm a professional writer and can get away with a lot of things. I'd probably write about how I never take notes, or journal, or outline a damn thing. Instead, I sit down randomly and type off 800-3,000 words: the vast majority never gets published. I know something I wrote is good enough specifically because I get it to a finish line at all. My writing only becomes real once I publish and see the response, as that's the one way I may test my creativity as opposed to assuming it.
And that would be the 12th-most interesting way I imagine I could write about why I love writing.
I guess that this being a prompt about *creativity* is what makes me so stringent that you can't come off as basic. If your creative hobby is how you unwind, or express yourself, or learn about yourself, that's super awesome.
But… those inherent benefits of being creative are kinda obvious and repetitive. Further, many other PIQs allow you to bring up your creative endeavor in a more entertaining light. What is your greatest talent or skill? It's Painting? Sick! Explain why you kill-crush it at painting. You in some artist community? Better tell me how you improve that artist community. And hell, feel free to get a paragraph into either of those essays about how painting allows you to express your creative side, if that's important to you. But don't burn an entire PIQ on it.
So who does write here? Well, it's kids who are applying math, or poli-sci, or computer science. Kids who work at food banks, normal banks, or any other non-creative environment.
I then ask them, "Okay, how do you express your creativity?"
And the responses come in three flavors:

1. They don't
2. They do via some hobby they never planned to write about
3. They do via a non-traditional extracurricular that one wouldn't inherently expect to be creative

1 is most common. And that's fine! We move right along. 2 comes up a fair amount: usually stuff like origami or collecting things. These tend to peter out if/when it becomes obvious they don't actually care that much about said hobby, it's just all they got. 3 is also rare, and usually involves the most digging and reconceptualization, but when it does it can be quite effective.
There's a reason this is B-Tier. It's kind of a difficult nut to crack. But when it hits, it can be pretty neat. A few winners that come to mind are the kid who wrote about building custom headphones and the aesthetic detail choices that accompany the boring tech parts. Another was a girl who wrote about her love of hiking as a way to clear her head and think about science problems that she wanted to solve.
Solid topics, right? But they're rare. And also not that solid. I do still absolutely recommend you take a lap thinking about this one through the lens I've provided. I think the stronger advice is from above that traditionally creative people should use a different prompt to explain their creativity than this one. Just more juice from the squeeze.
1. Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes or contributed to group efforts over time.
I mentioned above that UC readers will (presumably) read the four essays you submit in the numerical order that they're offered. I also mentioned not worrying about it, but I'll admit here I always do at least a little bit of consultant voodoo in making sure that the pacing of the four essays flows nicely. Meaning we save the most emotional response for the last or second-to-last PIQ. We similarly try and have the earliest PIQ read with a little bit of extra flair to it, almost like a single off an album!
And that brings us to PIQ1 here. I think it's a good fair question! But we run into a somewhat similar problem to the creativity prompt above.
Just writing about how you led one time is boring. And extra problematic is that this is PIQ response 1, and you're then expecting your reader to stick around once you get to the cool essays you actually care about.
The UCs want you to answer the questions authentically and logically, but they also want something worth reading. My advice here is different than the prompt above. You do not need to think of a time you weren't actually a leader because that's clever. If you led some shit, that's cool write about it and how you led it.
But! Do not fall into the trap of thinking that's all this is really supposed to be. I guess if you read through the essay and realize that the only takeaway is "you did, in fact, lead. And you did, in fact, contribute to group efforts over time." then that's not good enough.
I think the problem is the prompt. "Describe an example of your leadership experience" very much implies they want a full run-down of some club or event. They do not! Instead, try out, "Tell a story exemplifying your leadership experience."
And I guess we still get into weird meta-land because they still very much want you to tell that story like you are answering a job interview question. It's the difference between:
In tenth grade, I became president of my youth soccer team. As a leader, I signed new members and signed us up for tournaments. I also made it so more students came to practice every day. Thanks to my efforts we won the…
And
In tenth grade, I became president of my youth soccer team. The team was talented, but players would miss practice a lot. I couldn't force them to come every day because the team itself was voluntary, but I still needed to get them there so the team could improve.
And
Ryan wasn't at practice again. The third time this week. I felt sweat on my brow as I reached to my trusty notebook to cross out his name in red ink.
I promise I'm neither trying to confuse nor overwhelm you with all this info. Those are all absolutely ways to, theoretically, respond to this prompt. But option B is what I think the PIQs ask for, which is good because it's also the option of the three that isn't bad.
So don't be afraid of this prompt if it makes sense to you. The question itself does not require too much gaming. It's more that you make sure to use that prompt to write an actual essay instead of a glorified Extracurricular entry.
I actually might move this to D-Tier because I remembered another rant. This prompt is different in that instead of asking you to answer some question, it is actively instructing you to display a specific college-approved characteristic. The creative one also kind of does. I think I would similarly dislike a prompt that asked you to “Describe a time you displayed empathy” or “Describe a time you demonstrated perseverance." These PIQs and every other college essay are, at their core, asking you to display your traits/values/ya know that you will contribute at their school. But this prompt does it in such a direct, on-the-nose way that it itself becomes limiting.
A Tier (You should do these they’re good and fun)
3. what would you say is your greatest talent or skill? how have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?
Now we’re cooking! If you can’t think of any credible answers for this prompt, I’m sorry that’s kind of a self-own.
Here are some ways I’ve taken students through it.
1) We just flex. Are you, like, really good at something? Like won big competitions, or run a business, or have a dedicated bench reserved for you at Carnegie Hall? There is absolutely nothing wrong with dropping that in here and just celebrating how and why you are so damn good.
And be proud of yourself! This is not the time to play faux-humble and act like that solar death ray you built ain’t no thang. Now, don’t come off cocky or arrogant, but a nice line between passionate, engaged, dedicated, and proud of what you’ve achieved is gonna read really nice.
This is also a great spot to EC Profile. Feel free to bring up just how much money your non-profit raised, and how many stray cats you were able to provide food for. Mention how the mayor personally commended you and even throw in a quote from his recommendation.
But that should find its way in around content that goes into why your skill means so much to you and the way you engage with it that makes you different. This essay should be fun have fun answering it.
2) We use it to write about an EC that they’re super into but…well they’re not elite at it, aren’t majoring in it, and I tend not to see it as a huge boost to their overall acceptance chances—because not all ECs are created equal. This is mostly band, marching band, sports, debate, MUN, and maybe like an academic club that itself isn’t that impressive. But I’m not a total jerk, and if something matters to my student we get it in here. Often these essays are big on personality and passion, as opposed to self-praise. Lot of mini-stories about the debate bus getting lost in Tijuana and having a special handshake with every other violinist. That kind of stuff.
3) We go a little ironic with it and bring up something that they are “great” at, but like who cares. These almost always begin with the item + "!" As it’s own paragraph.
“Beating my brother in Charades!”
“Paintball!”
“Digging holes!”
Then we’re off, kinda like example two, with a fun, high-energy piece that’s really more about how/why they love something than actually expecting to get into UCLA because you kick ass at counting how many dead bugs splatter on your windshield.
4) We go soft skills. “Being there for my friends.” “Keeping my brother out of trouble.” “Making teachers laugh.”
Okay, we made 7,500 words in, and for the first time, I hope you went “oooh. I like this idea.” Because this fourth option is really strong and has led to a lot of great content. In this version, the prompt becomes a modified version of the upcoming community essay. But this one is more flexible, and I think lends itself more to describing your personal strengths and mindset, vs #7, which demands more evidence of your help.
I’m even thinking back to that leadership prompt, but how bout instead of writing about your time as leader at lil-kid robot camp for 1, you instead start this bad boy with a “Getting little kids up and dressed in time for breakfast”? That open can then very naturally lead into a similar overview of your time as camp leader, only you now have a fun angle + infinite flexibility on where you go with it. Damn. PIQ 3 is so spicy. Love PIQ 3.
7. what have you done to make your school or your community a better place?
The good news here is you kinda just want to answer the prompt. And you are doing yourself a real disservice if you skip this one. It turns out that the University of California very much wishes to know how you have contributed to your school or community. I mean, every school does, but I can’t think of any other program except Princeton rn that places a larger emphasis on your charitable and selfless deeds than this series of prestigious Universities run by Bay Area Liberal Elites.
I guess my advice is don’t overthink it. Here is a rough flow chart on what to cover. Have you:

1. Organized and/or led a large-scale service effort that achieved demonstrated impact? You should write about it! Provide equal space to profile the work you’ve done and then also your motivations and experiences throughout your time working. I almost always have students at least get a paragraph in here that brings the reader down to the ground floor. Yes, your major role may have been fundraising, but what was it like being able to deliver those camping supplies to homeless vets? What did you chat about, and how did that make you feel? I hope I’m not throwing you for a loop here; this essay should kind of write itself, provided you’ve put in the work.
2. Are you involved in one or several service groups? Write about them here. Often it’s several, and a fun strategy can be to compare and contrast the way you handle different situations. If you both teach music to inner-city children and work at the food bank, how is your mindset similar or different between them? Similar seems to work better, if only in a “we’re all human" kind of way.
3. Did you volunteer? Or…help anyone? I do a ton of lil-kid tutoring essays with students, primarily because, for whatever reason, I have a lot of perspective on the fine art of academically and morally supporting someone ~10 years younger than me whom I adore and want to see get everything they deserve in life. Go figure.

This can kind of just be an essay about whatever work you did and the relationships you made along the way. Such a topic also probably fits other prompts, but if you don’t have anything grander to profile + understand that you really need to answer this one, this is a fine spot.
4) You also can be flexible with what a community is. I remember a good one was, “I share my pens with people.” And then the essay was about her pen collection and how she has happy pens and scared pens and everyone gets a certain pen and she got into Berkeley so there.
All I’m saying is this prompt can be flexible, if need be. But unless you have a really great angle to take it (LIKE PENS), you’re better off playing it straight with one of the EC-centric avenues listed above.
I really, really don’t want this section to come off as cynical. Helping people is cool, and you should be proud of whatever work you’ve done. There’s no crazy meta-strat, except that you very, very, very want to answer this one. Write the essay you want to write here, and if it makes you feel something meaningful while writing it, that energy will come across in the final product.
But do answer this one. If you want to get into college, that is.
S-Tier (Must haves and must have in a certain way)
We finish this tier list off with THE GOAT
6. think about an academic subject that inspires you. describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom.
I went back and looked at the UC section for all four full years of student files I’ve worked on. I then ignored 2019 because I had no idea what I was doing that first year.
Of the three remaining years, I have had two (2) students ever apply to the UCs without answering this prompt. One because we only finished three essays, period and I don’t even know if he applied. The others are because we basically just repurposed PIQ4 to tell the same story. In every other case we have hit this essay with both barrels. And that’s not changing anytime soon. Do six.
But what makes this prompt so important isn't just that you need to do it; there's very much a way in which you want to tackle it.
Okay, so when you apply to the UCs you have to pick a major.
Right, so that major is probably gonna be the same for all the different schools. Or if not, there’s going to be a certain school/major option that you are most holding out hope for. Yes? Makes sense.
Great. That major is now an academic subject that inspires you and you have furthered inside and/or outside of the classroom.
I usually have students write this PIQ response twice. The first time is right at the beginning. That response is a straightforward and almost literal response to the prompt. Hell, I can give you a quick-and-dirty outline to parrot:

• How student was first Introduced to subject
• Reason for fascination/enjoyment
• Deep dive into specific aspect of subject that most interests them
• Discussion of how they personally worked to better understand the subject matter
• Discussion of related EC that increased their knowledge
• (Optional) Discussion of additional EC that increased their knowledge
• Conclusion reaffirming their passion w/ vague specifics on the type of advanced research/learning they wish to tackle in college

Such a PIQ draft will prove invaluable both because this is the essay you pretty much need to be submitting and also because organizing and analyzing your academic history as it relates to your future major now will make it much easier to write about that journey at length in the many application essays to come.
I guess I’m spoiling my big huge strategy for college admissions as a whole, but a spoiler is that if you’re applying math to college, I think it’s really God damn important that you explain how and why you like math so much, the academic and life experiences that have informed such a bold claim, at least a guesstimation regarding where you’d like to take this passion in the future, and, if applicable, how the school you’re applying to will prove the next logical step on your grand journey. That’s FLL, baby.
And then the second draft of this essential, no-doubt, gotta have it PIQ response? Well, that comes quite a bit later. Like, usually once we return in November. That newer, more successful draft will usually contain a lot of the same core EC material and general theming, but usually be contained within a deeper, more satisfying narrative explaining why they like the subject so damn much in the first place. Such sugary coating usually forms naturally as I get to know my students better and help them discover who they are and why they do what they do. It’s kind of my job.

• Mattie

[INDEX]
Silas appeared before I had finished my complementary breakfast at the Green Pig and waited a few minutes for me to clean my plate.
“What’s the plan?” I asked, pushing my plate aside for the cute serving girl.
The older bounty hunter pulled a small notebook from his jacket and glanced at it before putting it away. “I have a lead on Bill and his gang,” He said. “They’re holed up in a box canyon to close to Silvertown. It appears that they’re waylaying travellers on the road from Wendleton to Hardash and spending their time in Silvertown. I don’t know if they’ve taken over the town or if they’re using it as a cover for their activities, so the first thing we do is visit the town and get a feel for things, then we rustle up a posse to deal with the gang.”
“Sounds good,” I said, stroking my chin. My goatee was coming in nicely and with some practise my newly purchased straight-razor would leave me with fewer cuts. “Head into Silvertown, visit the local saloon…”
“The local sheriff,” Silas interrupted. “We’ll get more info there.”
“You think he’s just going to say that the town has been taken over by bandits?” I asked.
“I expect nothing,” Silas answered. “That’s what Bounty Sense and Intimidation are for. If the local law enforcement has been replaced, Bounty Sense will trigger. What’s your level?”
I glanced at my status. “Bounty Sense is one.”
He shook his head. “Boost it at the Tower when you get the chance. That’s your money maker and your guardian angel. Never neglect Bounty Sense.”
I decided to ask a stupid question to see how Silas would react. “Why would I visit the tower?”
“Why would you…” he said, then shot me a hard glare.
His eyes narrowed. “Psychic?”
I nodded.
Silas crossed himself. “Then do whatever it is that you do to boost your skills.”
“Are psychics that bad?”
“You’re outside the System,” Silas said. “No gods, and no god forsaken towers. It wouldn’t hurt if you picked up a patron God. I’d suggest Delas the Vagabond. He’s easy going and doesn’t mind strays. You’d probably be an interesting item for him.”
“Maybe after we get back,” I said, handing my plate to the serving girl that stopped by the table.
“If you’re serious, we should go now,” Silas said. “I don’t mind the delay. We’ll be in Silvertown before sundown anyway.”
I shrugged and indicated that Silas should lead the way. While I was a bit leery gods, the idea wasn’t completely off-putting. Let’s see what Delas has to say and if I can gain anything from it. Besides, if it kept Silas happy I'd say a few prayers to this Delas guy.
I fetched Horse from the stable behind the Green Pig, his mind and belly full of oats and molasses, and joined Silas as he led the way to Temple street. Close to the inner city and on the other side of town, it took us half an hour to get there.
About half way down the street filled with various temples to the pantheon of Gods that ruled over this world, Silas stopped by an alley and dismounted, motioning for me to follow. Swinging off of Horse, I followed the bounty hunter as he negotiated the narrow space. Tying his horse to a protrusion that jutted from the wall, he waited for me to do the same.
“You may have to listen to a sermon. I’ll wait until you come out.” Silas said.
“You’re not coming with?” I asked.
“Different God, Vinnie,” He said, shaking his head. “They’re a bit jealous. I’ll probably hear about this from my goddess Melita, but you’re not a good fit for her.”
“Okay,” I said, placing a hand on the worn door to the temple. It looked just like any other door you would see in the city, except the paint had long since flaked off. “I’ll be quick.”
Pushing the door open, I entered the temple.
The interior was small, almost cramped, with just a few pews set before a tiny alter and lectern. To my right were a couple of what could only be vagrants judging by the state of their clothing, engaged in a hushed conversation. A slim man dressed in tattered robes entered from a door behind the alter and smiled at me.
“Welcome traveller,” He said. “Delas told me to expect you.”
“Did he now?” I replied, taking a few steps towards the alter. I could see upon it a cup and an offering plate, set atop a large map of the realm which was marked with many tiny x’s and scribbled names.
The priest noticed my attention focus on the alter and smiled. “A map of our journeys. I fear we would need a new map to chart yours.”
“Delas knows my origins?” I asked
“He is the god of all those who travel and wander. He knows from whence you came and to where you journey.” The priest said, closing the distance to whisper. “He spoke to me personally and said he would be overjoyed if you would share your travels with him.”
I thought about it for a long moment before nodding. Who was I to turn down a personal invitation from an actual god?
“What do I do?”
“Approach the alter, kneel, and pray to Delas.”
“What do I say?” I asked, getting nervous at the idea of speaking to a god.
“Just tell him of your journey,” The priest said. “He will listen without judgement.”
I took the last few steps to the alter and knelt, feeling exposed and awkward, then started whispering my travels to Delas. My thoughts wandered as I spoke, jumping from place to place, past to present and back again in a disjointed infodump of my life so far. The longer I spoke, the more bubbled up from the bottom of my soul, demanding to be released. Somewhere in my monologue a golden sensation enveloped me, a cloak of tattered finery that kept the elements at bay and embraced my very soul. I spilled my guts on that alter, speaking not only of my physical journeys, but of my psychological ones, the doubts, despair, the small victories and triumphs I had seen in my 24 years of life. When I was finished, there was a familiar sound in my mind.
*Ding*
I mentally tabbed open the system interface and noted that [Boots of Delas] was present in my Utilities.
And then I noticed the major change - my provider now included Delas.
Standing, I turned to face the priest who was involved in his own prayers. “What do I do now?” I said.
“Pray to Delas and tell him of your Journeys. Make offerings at his alters. Travel and see the world.”
“Sounds too easy,” I muttered. “Is that really all he wants?”
“Delas is a simple god,” The priest said, handing me a small book. “All he desires is to hear of your journey, the good and the bad, the struggles, the hardships, the joys, and the experience of seeing someplace new. The faithful keep a journal and map their journeys.”
“Easy enough,” I muttered, dropping the book into my inventory. Delilah mentioned sacrificing mana stones to her goddess so I pulled out those I’d collected from the wolves and let them drop into the offering plate where they vanished in a puff of multicoloured motes.
*Ding*
[Delas has received your offering. +4000 credits]
“Services are on Tuesday and Thursday,” The priest called out. I let the door close behind me with a thud. I was officially the follower of a local god. I had felt their divine touch upon me. It was overwhelming and yet, it felt right. Delas was a vagabond, a noble who renounced his royal heritage to travel the world, to see the marvel of creation with his own eyes. I felt he was a kindred spirit — if I had the money, or the courage, I certainly would have travelled the world in my old life. Now, there was nothing stopping me. I would travel and see the world. Maybe even do some good while I journeyed.
Silas raised an eyebrow at me when I exited the tiny temple. "Change your mind?" he asked.
"I'm an official follower of Delas," I answered. "Seems that he was expecting me. Even got a sweet blessing."
Silas grunted at that. "Some spend their entire lives in service to their god and are only rewarded after death. You have some luck about you."
I shrugged, unable to deny that my luck seemed to have changed dramatically in the last couple of days.
Silas and I exited the western gate of Wendleton city, following the train tracks that vanished into the distance. Silas had a flesh-and-blood horse, so we were ambling down the road, passing the occasional caravan heading into the city or those that were heading towards Hardash. We had just waved hellos at one such group of travellers when Silas tugged his horse a little closer to mine.
“Why’d you decide to become a Bounty Hunter, Vinnie?” He asked suddenly.
I ruminated on the question for awhile before answering. “I didn’t really think about it,” I said. “I was going to be a cowboy, but when I spotted Bounty Hunter, it just felt right. It called to me.”
Silas nodded.
“Have you ever killed a man?” He asked.
“No,” I answered quickly. “The thought doesn’t bother me, but I think maybe that’s just because I haven’t done it yet.”
He nodded again.
“Imagination and reality are different,” He said, reaching into a pouch on his saddle to pull out a hand rolled cigarette. “Make no mistake, these men out here will kill you. Don’t hesitate to pull the trigger. I assume you bought some speciality bullets? Maybe some sleepers and webs?”
“I did,” I admitted. “A Marlin 1876 with a scope too.”
“Don’t bother unless the bounty specifically says ‘Alive’, understand?” He said, striking a match on the saddle and lighting his cigarette. “It’s a noble thing to capture a man alive, but it’s also risky. At the end of the day either you walk away with the bounty, or your carcass feeds the vultures. Shoot to kill, every single time.”
“I understand,” I said. “I really do, it’s me or them.”
“Exactly,” Silas agreed, taking a long drag from his cigarette. “Always keep that in mind when you pull the trigger.”
The sun beat down on my shoulders as we rode, causing me to break into a sweat and regret that I had forgotten to buy deodorant. We turned off the main road after a couple hours and crossed several hills before the road levelled out again. In the distance mountains covered in deep green forests drew nearer as the miles passed under the hooves of our horses.
I flapped my shirt, wanting to complain of the heat but saving my breath. If Silas wasn’t complaining, I wasn’t going to either.
“You should get a comfort enchantment on your gear,” He grinned, watching me struggle to keep cool. “Only a few silver to keep it ten degrees cooler or warmer.”
“You… Cheater!” I barked, irrationally upset that this stoic-seeming individual was enhanced by magic instead of suffering through the heat like I was.
Silas laughed long and loud at my accusation, shaking his head. “Common sense, boy. You need a whole bucketful.”
I didn’t disagree with him.
[INDEX]

I saw great gatsby on broadway this week and here is my honest review. I think this is such a fun show and certainly a broadway spectacle. I brought tickets to this show because I love a good spectacle and this certainly filled it.
The good: - the sets, costumes, and lighting: these were all mind blowing and the transitions made me gasp every time. The valley of ashes transitions were stunning and the new money scene was a highlight for sure. - Jeremy Jordan: wow his voice is incredible and seeing the past is catching up to me live is certainly something to witness - The supporting cast: Noah Rickets and Samantha Paulino were such a fun duo. We had Ryah Nixon on for Myrtle who was fabulous and has such a strong face and during her act 2 solo I really felt for her character - The book. I’ve never really thought of the book of a musical before but for some reason I really felt the story most specifically in the ending of act 2. I think they did a great job of writing Nick to drive the story and narrate the action and in his ending monologue I could relate to his comments and felt they wrapped up the story nicely. Also have to say the bookend with Gatsby standing into the light was a great directing choice. No spoilers but the last 15 minutes of act 2 were my favorite. - Ensemble: killing it
The not so good: - the one complaint for me is the music. I thought the music was not very memorable and didn’t all add to the story. There were a few good standouts including Roaring On (loved it), new money, past is catching up, for me, beautiful little fool. But the other songs I don’t really remember and while I thought they were fun at the moment not sure how they fit in. For example, I thought Noah’s song during the apartment scene was fun but I can’t remember it. Also there were too many ballads, I want to see more dance spectacle numbers to break it up. La Dee dah was a great way to separate act 2 and I wish we had more of that.
Overall: I’m glad I saw the show. I was debating between a few options and I’m glad I chose this because I wanted to see a spectacle and I certainly got that. Was it my favorite, no, but was it a good time, yes. 6.75/10

I've been keeping track of The Scathing Atheist hosts' catchphrases and sayings. Lemme know if I missed any:
Heath:

• "Lu lu lu, doing Heath stuff. Heath stuff is my favorite stuff."
• "girlfriend in Canada, you wouldn't know her"
• "crazy billionaire money"
• "took his ball and went home"
• "What is it you say you do here?"
• (during increasingly absurd Eli monologue): "What. Is. Happening."
• "it'll work itself out in payroll"
• "Are you a cop? If you're a cop you have to tell us."
• "Oh yeah, well (asks impossible question)? Too slow! I win!"
• "the doodly doo"
• "ugly crying"
• "Bad guy fight!"
• (mocking noises) "That's you. That's what you sound like."
• "Fuckyourface."
• "What's........(insert sponsor company)?"
• "Heath points" (for doing above)
• "Boo nerd!"
• "IIIIT'S THURSDAY!"
• "Jumanji!"

Eli:

• "Thank youuuuu!" (whenever Heath agrees with something ridiculous he says)
• "Aww, you hate to see it!"
• "psychosexual fugue state"
• "weed dealer's girlfriend"
• "compliment sandwich"
• "Jon. Benet. Ramsey."
• "Ben Shapiro's wife told him a wet vagina is a disease!"

Noah

• "(insert thing) fucking suuuuuuucks!"
• "And now I'll hand the mic over to my lovely wife Lucinda"

Cecil:

• "Jag-off"

Realization: Noah is the smart one, Eli is the funny one, and Heath is the tall one with the funny catchphrases.

I've been mulling over some major life decisions I have to make, probably for several months now. It really started to feel helpless and paralyzing about the direction I should take. I decided to write down all possible options (I got like 3), and some pros and cons for each.
I have barely wrote 2 pages of my notebook, I didn't even finish expressing what I think (maybe 1/3), and a huge weight release from my chest -- that I previously didn't even notice was there!
Now, I do use note-taking software (I have well over 500 notes there), many of which are my thoughts, but it did not have the effect the paper and pen had, not even close. Actually, possibly no such effect at all, I would say.
Now, two most interesting things to me are:

• All that I've written so far has already been on my mind, there's nothing fundamentally new on paper that hasn't been on my mind. So there's nothing like I figured figuring something new. It's virtually 90% identical to my inner monologue
• What is it with pen and paper that beats the keyboard and screen? I don't get this. I express my thoughts as they are in both, I use my hands in both, but I write down 2 paragraphs on paper and it's like a spell has been removed from me -- all that I've written actually feels possible and doable and exciting.

Noah The Pilgrim
Previous First Next
'Noah.'
You can't feel your body, you try to move but receive no feedback from your arms and legs. You open our eyes, or were they always opened? It's difficult to tell when only darkness surrounds you.
'You're here again.'
It's that same voice you heard before waking up in that pod. You try to speak but fail. It feels like you left your body behind, existing only inside your mind.
'Allow me.'
From the dark, a circle of light emerges, filling your vision. The light is not blinding, nor is it too bright to obfuscate the dark, it's just bright enough to reach your eyes without prompting discomfort.
It's the Star. That much, you know for certain.
Normally, you'd feel hopelessly scared, but somehow, all you feel is soothed by its light.
'I remember telling you we wouldn't see each other for a long time. Why are you here?'
Although you wished to answer the question, you could not. Both because you have no control over your body, and because you don't know the answer.
'...'
You recall the AI telling you the purpose of the ship you're in. It was to study this star.
Why? What's so special about this particular star? Sure, it's on the very edge of the ever-expanding universe, but aside from that, it's just a star. A very odd-looking star, but a star nonetheless.
'What's so special about me... Nothing.'
A shiver runs down your spine. It feels as though you've forgotten a significant thing about yourself, and you're sure this star has something to do with it.
'How are you feeling, Noah?'
Like shit. That is what you wanted to answer.
You've been going with the flow ever since you woke up in that pod, not asking yourself neither how or why you've been put in that place, only nodding your way to the bridge.
You've been bombarded with memories that you're sure aren't yours, but your own memories also feel shrouded in a thick haze, and yet, you didn't bother to even think about why it was, only accepting that as truth without understanding this strange phenomenon.
When confronted with things beyond your current knowledge you refuse to acknowledge it by not asking yourself what it is, or by illuding yourself into thinking it's a dream.
Even now, you refuse to acknowledge this impossible place you've found yourself in.
'Why is it that you turn away?'
What to blame for that? You didn't even feel the need to ask anything about yourself. Randomly remembering things as though you were reading them off a manual, taking whatever FYARN says as an absolute truth, and not even reacting to the abhorrent state of the Odyssey.
When FYARN told you about the relationship between the alien and the human races, it told you how superior humans were, and it also told you that the human race lost the war. You didn't bother to call out that clear discrepancy then because you felt as though it didn't concern you, despite being clearly at the forefront of that conflict.
When FYARN asked what you remembered, you simply stated you didn't remember nearly anything, and yet you've made no strive to fix that issue, accepting it as the absolute truth.
All there was left to blame was yourself.
'You're doing it again, turning away from the truth.'
Was it because your situation was impossibly bizarre?
Waking up in a half-blown spaceship could be enough to drive a man to the brink with how random and impossible that notion was. Especially when that man was just a salary man, living month to month, working an unfulfilling job, all while being called the best.
'Perhaps. But I believe that the issue lies much, much deeper.'
The utter darkness shifts and contorts unexplainably. Moving shadows take formless shapes before you. From black to grey, and from grey to different shades of it. Those shapes of impossible geometry cast shadows downwards, as the star stared at you from above.
The shapes expanded and contracted into euclidean and understandable structures. Tall rectangular towers filled the horizon, decorating a path akin to buildings in a busy city.
On the foot of one of those structures, you see a man dwarfed by the sheer size of the scenery.
'Who do you think that is?'
You approach him.
You see a young man that looks to be in his mid-twenties. Your brown eyes stare back at it, analyzing the bags beneath his eye sockets. The dark hair is neither too long nor too short, hastily combed to hide the laziness behind his look. You see a beard that has not been trimmed for weeks, but also lacks thickness, each singular hair isn't particularly long either; and some even appear to be in-grown.
He's wearing a white tuckered-in buttoned shirt with a pair of jeans. A black backpack weighed on his back as he walked through this empty street.
A position you could imagine yourself in, every day of the week.
If you had failed to piece together who that was, it became clear once you noticed the empty look on his face.
It's obvious who that is.
He is a man whose bright dreams have been crushed under the weight of mankind.
How cruel, to be forced to gaze into a dirty mirror...
'You are starting to see it. Let's go further.'
The ractangular towers floated away, as the man continued to walk into the grey void.
Four white walls covered both you and the man, grey shapes transformed into a chair and desk, inviting the man to sit on it.
It was a plain desk and a plain chair, and when the shapes stopped transmogrifying themselves, a plain computer, monitor, keyboard, and mouse rested atop the desk.
Fitting for a plain man. You watch him sitting down in the chair, putting his backpack on the floor beneath the table.
From the backpack, he conjured a notebook and a set of pencils and erasers. He quickly turned the computer on.
This was his job.
The monitor remained grey despite how the man typed on the keyboard. The notebook remained grey despite how the man scribbled on it with the pencil.
A humanoid figure came to be from the geometric mess of grey nearby. It passed by the working man. "G'day Noah." It spoke, as he vanished into the white walls that surround you.
The man didn't bother to respond, he didn't bother to stop his work, and he didn't even bother to look up from his notebook.
Another humanoid figure passed by, holding what looked to be sheets of paper. "Hey Noah, could you sort these documents out for me? I'm swamped today..."
The man looks at the thick collection of papers in the figure's hands. He just started his shift and already lacks the energy and motivation to keep going with his day.
And despite that, he did not want to disappoint.
He points to the empty space on his desk, motioning for the figure to leave it there.
The figure places the paperwork on the man's desk. "Thanks, I owe you big time for this!" After saying that, the figure disappeared into the white walls of the room.
He did not speak a singular word.
You recall this... Feeling.
'Do you remember their names, Noah?'
You could not.
'Do you remember their faces, Noah?'
You could not.
'These people, you used to see them every day. Why do you not know who they are?'
What was the point of it? Why did it matter? Why did they matter?
'Because they are people.'
To you, those figures were nothing but placeholders for those who did the same thing as you. They were nothing special, just like you. So why bother to recall their faces?
'We must go further.'
The white cubicle ceased to be, alongside the man in plain clothing.
The towering rectangles swiftly returned, and with it came a young adult in his early twenties.
Your brown eyes stare back at his. The short dark hair looked as though it was combed for hours until it was perfect. You see a trimmed beard, neatly cut with a blade most sharp. You see that his face has been recently subjected to a daily skin-care regime.
This young man looks to be full of energy.
He's wearing a white tuckered-in buttoned shirt with a pair of jeans. A black backpack was strapped to his back as he walked through this empty street.
Again, you know who this is, yet you don't have the guts to accept it.
'...'
The ringing tune of a cell phone came from the young man's pockets. He promptly picked it up.
"Hey, Noah!" You hear the voice coming from the other side of the call. "The boys and I are going to throw a party today in my place to celebrate finishing high school. You better show up tonight!" It sounds like the voice originates from a man. He is yelling at the phone.
You watch as the young man smirks. "You can bet I'll be there." He answered. "I'll be done with today's interview and head there as soon as possible."
"Great... Something came up, catch you later bud!" And just like that, the call ended. The young man pocketed his phone.
You know how the rest of that day went. The young man passed the interview and secured his spot in a large IT company, then he went to his friend's place and had the best night of his life.
Those memories were the ones you revisited endlessly.
The grey shapes and humanoid figures vanish, returning to utter blackness.
Once again, all you see is the star.
'What happened, Noah?'
You couldn't say. Maybe it wasn't some big thing that happened, but rather a large quantity of small things that eventually crashed down upon you like an avalanche that built up for a long time.
Friends leaving to live their own lives.
Underappreciation of your career.
Your incapacity to form meaningful relationships.
The feeling of being small in the greater scheme of things.
The notion of your life being wasted for nothing.
A lack of accomplishment that was caused by a lack of problems.
You letting your physical appearance go.
But, even amongst all of those aggravating motives, there was one thing that always pained your heart to even recall. For that reason, you refused to acknowledge and even think about it. A trend that would continue for the upcoming years of your life.
Your dream.
Once adulthood came and expectations weighed on you, you had to choose. Live a comfortable life, or throw it all away in exchange for an idea that probably wouldn't even work, to begin with.
You refused to let go at first. Holding unto what little hope there was left for that dream of yours.
In three short years, your life shifted completely.
Friends grew distant, and now all you had as a replacement for them were faceless figures who spoke to you about a job you never really wanted.
Those very same figures held you in high regard, always saying how talented you were or how impressive your skills were. In truth, you never felt like what you did was worth the effort or the praise.
All you ever did in that company was half-assed at best, yet they praised you like their savior. You grew complacent under those who put you on a pedestal.
Your salary increased, and so did the responsibilities, but never were it challenging or engaging. It felt tasteless and odorless.
You refused to even respond to small talk from those people. How could you? If you did, they would shower you with praises you didn't deserve. That theory was proven time and time again.
All you did every day was sitting on a chair, eyes glued to the screen to meet an assortment of numbers and labels. This was nothing. There were people out there, changing the world, fixing the real problems, and you're there, sorting out numbers for a company created to sort out data for a company created to sort out data.
A null uroboros.
Twenty-eight years of a human's life, and for what? To waste away like a gear on a machine?
You remained ignorant of your ignorance. There were no problems since you had more than enough money from your ever-increasing salary you felt you didn't deserve.
You couldn't even bring yourself to quit, afraid to face the consequences, afraid to be replaced. A fact you understood fully well, yet you refused to acknowledge.
Clinging to a feeling of guilt, you couldn't help but hold on to this life. Your life, Noah.
You longed for a change, but wouldn't bring yourself to change it.
Your dream that you lived for so long ago, is something you couldn't even remember. You hid it away in a dark corner of your mind, hoping to never face it again, or else you would break down.
That is what happened.
The coldness of the world is what happened.
You wouldn't go as far as to say that you were a victim of fate.
Instead, you'd say you were a victim of yourself.
'And yet, you're here now. In an impossible place. In an impossible life.'
Are you to waste away on this place as well?
'You had conviction, but lacked guidance.'
Can you even muster that much courage? You fear what the future could bring.
'I presented you this chance for a reason, so you may show them that your soul is the brightest of them all.'
Fear is born for there is hope, but bravery is born for there is fear. You recall someone telling you that once, but...
'Remember this, Noah.'
Where does the courage to take a step forward come from? When it's so dark that you can't see the path ahead, how should one muster enough courage to make the right call?
'Whenever you feel lost, or alone; Whenever you feel like there is no way forward;'
Your vision starts to blur. The star begins to fade.
'So you may never lose your way again;'
Looks like it's time to return to reality.
'I, am your...'
This is my first HFY story, and also my very first OC story. I plan to post at least one of these per week while also posting it on my Patreon. Noah The Pilgrim will always be two to three chapters ahead in there, so if you'd like to directly support this writer, or just want to read more, feel free to check it out.
This has been Lushi, and I'll see you next week.

Barron, Laird. “Vastation,” The Beautiful Thing that Awaits Us All and Other Stories (Night Shade Books, 2013)
“He had still been Randolph Carter, a fixed point in the dimensional seething. Now, beyond the Ultimate Gateway, he realised in a moment of consuming fright that he was not one person, but many persons.”
“There were “Carters” in settings belonging to every known and suspected age of earth’s history, and to remoter ages of earthly entity transcending knowledge, suspicion, and credibility. “Carters” of forms both human and non-human, vertebrate and invertebrate, conscious and mindless, animal and vegetable. And more, there were “Carters” having nothing in common with earthly life, but moving outrageously amidst backgrounds of other planets and systems and galaxies and cosmic continua.”
“No death, no doom, no anguish can arouse the surpassing despair which flows from a loss of identity. Merging with nothingness is peaceful oblivion; but to be aware of existence and yet to know that one is no longer a definite being distinguished from other beings—that one no longer has a self—that is the nameless summit of agony and dread.”
H. P. Lovecraft – “The Gates of the Silver Key”
Preface:
When I volunteered to do a write-up for our year-long Laird Barron reading, Greg casually mentioned –slyly, one might say– that he had been planning to cover “Vastation” and would I like a crack at it instead? “Sure,” I said. “I like a challenge, why not?” My wife has left me. No one comes to visit me in this place where I have been taken. Even the rats and fleas, so ubiquitous in the rest of the institution, give my cell a wide berth. They know something is wrong. My thoughts spiral; I write in circles. It is possible that in a previous life I was a detective attempting to construct a timeline from a serial killer’s wall of thumbtacks and string. I will have my revenge on Greg.
Another Preface:
“Vastation” is actually a very straightforward story. You only need to familiarize yourself with the works of H. P. Lovecraft, read a little weird fiction literary theory, and stumble across an old interview between Laird and Greg. “Vastation” is what you get when you bludgeon Lovecraft’s stories over the head and throw their remains down a deep well into the Laird Barron cosmos. To crudely rearrange a few of Laird’s thoughts from the above-mentioned interview:
“Time is a ring… the universe is dirty… it’s all about stomach acids and semen and blood and effluvia… there’s even theories that it’s a cellular structure. [I]f you can get to the edge of the universe… If you were able to travel in your physical form, like superman, out to not the edge of the universe but the edge of all creation… you would cease to exist because there’s no room for you to exist there.”1
You drop Randolph Carter’s, “moment of consuming fright,” his epiphany at the end of everything that he is all living things, into Laird’s vision of an unending, hungering, ouroboros of time and space, and we have the premise of “Vastation.”
Two more points.

1. In reading many, but not all, of Lovecraft’s stories alluded to in, “Vastation,” I have learned that old Howie loved to write about characters living through the ages, living multiple lives, and taking numerous identities. The most prominent after, “The Gates of the Silver Key,” would be “The Case of Charles Dexter Ward.” Attention should also be paid to “The Whisperer in Darkness,” because it is the first appearance of the Mi-Go, who I believe to be the inspiration for Laird’s Pod People. 

2. The author and critic John Clute wrote a wonderful piece on the concept of vastation in regards to literary horror. He defines it, in part, as, “… a laying waste to a land or a psyche; a physical or psychological devastation; desolation… the even more disintegrative moment when the accidents of goodness are shaved mercilessly from the unsalvageable central core of the wicked.” In other words, vastation is when the illusory fabric of reality is pulled out from under the feet of the protagonist or narrator, exposing the absolute horrors beneath. In most horror or weird fiction stories vastation occurs gradually throughout the text or once at the climax. In “Vastation,” it happens endlessly. 

Summary and analysis:
“Vastation” is, as Laird once put it, “a “6000-word monologue from an unutterably mad superhuman” (UMS). Like Randolph Carter, he—and UMS does think of him/itself as a he, more on that later—knows that in some impossible sense he is all people, all living beings, throughout all of creation. He lives countless lives. He knows the future and the past, albeit imperfectly. He knows how to jump his consciousness from one body to another, how to travel time, how to manipulate biology on a molecular level. His knowledge and powers and nearly godlike. In death, in sleep, or simply by staring into his own left “freakish eyeball,” he visits the infernal blackhole known as Ur-Nyctos, the “the quaking mass at the center of everything,” and “portal to the blackest of hells.” There, he shatters into quantum nothingness before reconstituting somewhere else along the ring, and he knows it will never stop. World without end, lives without end, vastations without end.
Things get darker. Completely insane, UMS spends eternity killing himself, killing his friends, getting killed by his friends, and participating in the occasional apocalypse, all the while somewhat aware he is everyone he has ever killed and everyone who will ever kill him. Every turn of the ring is the same story from a different angle, like UMS riding a train at night, looking at his reflection in the dark window.
“Vastation” begins with the answer to an impossible question. Where does the story of someone unshackled from cause and effect, imprisoned in an eternally looping cosmos, start? How did UMS become the unutterably mad superhuman? Laird throws so many red herrings at us. Does the story begin in Chicago, when UMS dies at the hands of his personal Judas, Pontius Sacrus? Or in Crete, when he claims to have been a mere flea, or human, and beholds Ur-Nyctos through the keyhole in the potter’s hidden room (shout out to “Jaws of Saturn”)? Or when he abandons his distant-future body to be taken over by the Pod People? None of these moments contain UMS’s origin because they have happened before and will happen again ad infinitum. In “Vastation,” there are no first times. Laird solves this paradox by burying a plot point from “The Gates of the Silver Key” in the first words of “Vastation.”
“When I was six, I discovered a terrible truth; I was the only human being on the planet.” Notice, UMS did not say, “when I was six years old.” I spent weeks wondering what that meant. Then I noticed that Laird twice calls time traveling “tripping back.” It seemed oddly specific and turned out to be a phrase from “The Gates of the Silver Key,” in which, after Randolph Carter experiences the Zen-through-cosmic-horror epiphany I quoted at the top of this write-up, he beseeches Yog-Sothoth—because of course Yog-Sothoth makes an appearance— for even greater forbidden knowledge. Yog-Sothoth tells Carter, “what you wish, I have found good; and I am ready to grant that which I have granted eleven times only to beings of your planet—five times only to those you call men, or those resembling them.”
Five men, making Carter the sixth human, or sixth being resembling a human. “When I was six, I discovered…” The previous five are Pontiff Sacrus and UMS’s other friends.
About Pontiff Sacrus, I also spent an embarrassing amount of time obsessing over him. It may be of interest to know that high priests of ancient Rome were known as the College of Pontiffs, that the most prestigious position in the college was held by the Rex Sacrorum, that Ted is short for Edward, and that Edward Hutchinson is a necromancer who lives many lives and a significant character in “The Case of Charles Dexter Ward.”
By the way, the other time Laird stamps his foot and stares pointedly at the reader is when he employs the term “essential saltes.” It’s from “Charles Dexter Ward,” which begins with the following quote:
“The essential Saltes of Animals may be so prepared and preserved, that an ingenious Man may have the whole Ark of Noah in his own Studie, and raise the fine Shape of an Animal out of its Ashes at his Pleasure; and by the lyke Method from the essential Saltes of humane Dust, a Philosopher may, without any criminal Necromancy, call up the Shape of any dead Ancestour from the Dust whereinto his Bodie has been incinerated.”
So, UMS is damned to eternal life and eternal vastation. He, understandably, is insane. He whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. Denials, contradictions, and possibly flat-out lies fill his monologue. Again, it’s in the first sentence. “I was the only human being on the planet.” He has to tell himself this. The knowledge of what he always will be, what he always has done, what he always will do., is too terrible for him to bear. He denies his infinite identities with the solipsist problem of other minds. He cannot be other people because other people are fungible, mere cheap Xerox’s, fleas; he is the only real McCoy. This is especially true of women—I said we would return to gender. While humanity in general is “grist for the mill,” women are either mentioned in passing or, in the case of UMS’s wives, described as inhuman automatons.
Think about it. Even though, on an infinite loop, he has done everything, been every human, has been/will be Beyoncé releasing her country album, Joan of Arc leading her men into battle, Martha Stewart receiving her sentence, and Bathory forcing some girl—who is also him—to kick stars, UMS never describes a single life he has spent as a woman. I think this is UMS grasping at an identity. It’s not that he necessarily hates women more than any other aspect of his universal selves so much as he is clinging to his gender as a self-defense mechanism. He is an individual because he flirts with Macedonian honeys. He is himself and not the wives he is tired of fucking, who are artificial anyway, even as they react to him with the very human responses of fear and suicide.2
Returning to the big picture, UMS’s cosmic gender identity issues are just the micro in the macro. Every timeline, every epoch, in “Vastation” is a story of committing murder to avoid forbidden knowledge. UMS’s wife kills herself rather than spend another night next to him as he dreams of Ur-Nyctos. UMS kills the potter before he can finish explaining how his wheel-device works—get it? — and then kills iteration after iteration of himself before he discovers the bloody peephole in the potter’s hidden chamber. He’s accused of witchcraft and imprisoned in a different well where he cannot share his knowledge of the past or future with anyone except other aspects of himself who mock him from the mouth of his prison. He reveals nanotech and genetic engendering to humanity, then commits global genocide to erase this knowledge. Again and again, UMS tries to keep humanity and himself from forbidden knowledge he cannot escape, murderously, scrambling back from the edges of vastation, forever failing.
There’s so much more. Any person who doesn’t miss the days when he went to sleep at a reasonable hour could write a dissertation on “Vastation.” I haven’t even TOUCHED most of the Lovecraft Easter eggs I found. I had a blast working on this, but this is me holding my gloves up and yelling, “no mas, no mass.” I’m going to bed.
Discussion:

1. Gordon van Gelder famously told Laird that he had bought “Shiva, Open Your Eye” (Laird’s first professional sale) because he wanted to see what Laird would do next. Ten years later, Vastation saw publication in Cthulhu’s Reign and has been called something of a reincarnation of “Shiva.” What similarities do we see? 

   1. I suspect, but could not find enough support in the texts, that UMS’s ascendancy into superhuman status, or his visits to Ur-Nyctos—if there is a difference—is what awakens the Old Ones, drawing their attention to pitiful humanity. He does seem to do his best to avoid them. Thoughts?
   2. If anyone has any thoughts about what Laird was referencing when UMS pushes his best friend off a bridge I would love to hear it.
   3. Does Laird deny UMS a name because he is everyone?
   4. “After I made me, I crushed the mold under my heel.” That’s some sort of pun about the fungal Pod People, right?
   Footnotes / references
   
2. from an interview between Greg and Laird which took place on June 23, 2021.
   “There was one theory, if you can get to the edge of the universe, somehow get to the leading, bleeding edge of reality, it’s actually, it would compress you to, basically it would get narrower and narrower. You would get flattened. If you were able to travel in your physical form, like superman, out to not the edge of the universe but the edge of all creation, it acts just like a blade… you would cease to exist because there’s no room for you to exist there.
   And that was one theory. But the other theory was--you know how a fountain works? You’ve got a base of water and it shoots up, and it looks like a different stream of water coming out of the angel’s mouth, but it’s just the water cycling. It’s the same water going through. That was another theory about the universe. It is constantly going through itself. If you recycle the water through the fountain, or you pull a slinky through itself, or a sock, it just constantly turns into itself over and over again.
   …maybe it’s not always 100% the same, because the slinky moves left or right a few millimeters. Unless you have it on a machine going through the same exact angle at the same speed, possibly there’s: this time it went through like this; maybe it wobbled a little bit. That’s how we could get the idea of free will. That determinism vs. you can have a little control over your destiny…
   Time is a ring… the universe is dirty. Look at the processes of all--there could be life forms out there that are very clean and just made of light and music…[b]ut generally speaking, it’s all about stomach acids and semen and blood and effluvia and all this stuff. So I was like alright, it’s an organic--the universe is very organic. There’s even theories that it’s a cellular structure.”
   
   1. Anyone interested in this type of analysis might want to check out Julia Kristeva’s theory of the abject.

Hi friendly sub, I’m looking for your best recs where the FMC needs a marriage of convenience for plot reasons (Inheritance? Protection? Power? Other “romance book only” reasons?) and the MMC readily agrees because he’s secretly pining hard for her.
I think dynamic works best when the MMC tries to hide his feelings and reactions to her — and FMC is just completely unaware. I love when she’s the one that suggests the MOC (or fake engagement? fake dating, all work!) and thinks she’ll need to do a hard sell to convince him.
What are your fave books with this dynamic?
The best examples I’ve can think of that I loved are:
{In A Jam by Kate Canterbary} - FMC needs to be married for one year to save her grandmothers hometown farm. MMC has been crushing hard since high school. I love this book! Noah’s inner monologues are so unhinged.
{Kingpin of Camelot by Cassandra Gannon} - Queen FMC proposes marriage to bad guy MMC to take back her kingdom and protect her daughter. This book is so fun — I loved how Gwen is so worried that she’s taking advantage of Midas while he’s obsessed.

I personally have several of these.
- The Make-a-Friend machine isn't sentient. Its eyes follow people around, because they are actually cameras in disguise. We know that the Make-a-Friend room is one of the few rooms that visitors are allowed to explore on the factory tours, thanks to the Orientation Notebook. Should a visitor diverge from the tour, the Make-a-Friend machine will immediately alert the responsible personnel.
- The Prototype isn't the original Toy experiment. The term "original" is actually referring to the fact that The Prototype was the first Bigger Body- an experimental prototype (hence the name) that was made as the BBI equivalent to Poppy, sharing several notable characteristics with her such as intelligence and lack of a need to eat.
- The person who became Poppy was either a willing test subject and/or doesn't mind being a doll. Actually somewhat implied by the cut Chapter 2 monologue, Bron's VHS, the Samuel Lee VHS and posters in Chapter 3.
- The "Toy conversion research" is actually a much larger conspiracy. It's not just Playtime Co. that's involved, but also numerous other companies (refer to Chapter 2), local law enforcement (Chapter 3 ARG), the U.S. government and its military and also other countries.
​
What are some of your strange theory ideas?

So me and a friend caught feelings for each other and we share a very close friend group (we all grew up together)
She had got out of a relationship and we realized we both had feelings for each other at the same time albeit was at an inconvenient time. We gave it about a month to process and we had a conversation about us having feelings, I confessed mine and she said she felt like I was like her Noah from the movie The Notebook. On our first date we made out and I ended up telling her that I loved her but I can see the surprise in her eyes when I said it but she did say it back.
We pursued this behind our friend groups back to test the waters and all seemed to have been going great. I admit I might have said I love you too quick but we've known each other since we were kids so it wasn't like it was a complete stranger either. Meanwhile she was the one bringing up kids and marriage, she also had a doubt that I'd want to settle done quicker than her because of our 3 year age difference (I'm 23 and she's 20 now) but I told her I did want to take things slow and not really worry about it since we weren't official yet. I don't want to put a timeline on those things and would preferred to feel things out as the went.
Fast forward 3 months into us talking and we told our friend group, they took it well but one was kinda against it but after having a group discussion, they trusted us enough to know well be mature about things. This however is when she started pulling away from me and being more distant with texts and calls. I have a secure attachment style so I gave her the space she needed but it came a point in time that I had to confront her because it seemed like she wasn't going to. I asked what changed and she said "i don't know, if I knew I would tell you but I dont" and ultimately said she sees me as a platonic friend again.
However, after everything that we've said and did during that time (kids, marriage, having intimate moments that platonic friends do not have) it just didn't make sense to me, I was blindsided. Not even a week later I found out she made a playlist with a coworker with a guy and a girl emoji with a plus symbol in between, 4 days after we broke things off. When I confronted her about it, I tried being a friend and told her she needs time to herself to heal but internally I think I was still looking at her romantically. She denied what it really meant for a while until she said confessed she did have a crush on him, but that she wouldn't do anything about it (knowing her i knew that was a lie and now they seem to be getting closer)
I tried being understanding but I honestly can't, because none of it makes sense to me. So I told her I need to set up boundaries, one was that I couldn't emotionally support her anymore and the second was that I'm not gonna be a confidant to her. This new guy is 5 years older than her so if she was concerned about our 3 year difference, I don't see this possibility working out. I tried being friends with her to preserve the friend group like I promised I would. But I've been in very minimal contact with her since, we don't reach out to each other outside of the group chat. If we do talk in person it's usually a sentence or two and we try ignoring each other, more me than her.
I'm trying what I can to move on, I have days that I'm completely over it and days like now where I'm wondering what's ifs. It's fairly recent so it's understandable that I'm like this, but the way I'm trying to approach this is by feeling how I feel about things as they come, I'm not trying to force myself to hate her or want to proclaim my love even more in hopes that i need to prove myself, I know I don't, but I have this fear just being seeing the way things are going and the distance I've added, I can't help but feel like she's trying to "win the break up" and that she needs to commit to this decision of moving on from me. So because I've been more reserved and trying to work through my emotions, is it possible that she sees me (not coping with substances or being in a deep depression) and push her closer to the new guy?
I just feel so lost right now, I know what we had could have worked but I alone can't decide that. But even if she came back I wouldn't take her back immediately because I'd want to make sure things are addressed so that it's guaranteed this doesn't happen again. At the end of the day she's my friend and I get that it didn't work out, but the events that took place and feeling disrespected has taken a bit of a toll on me. None of it makes sense and I'm trying my hardest not to obsess over it. As of right now I'm letting her do what she wants, she's kept this new guy a secret from everyone else in the friend group and only I know. So far I know they're not in a relationship but they seemed to have confessed feelings for each other telling from the reposts I've seen on tiktok (I'm also trying to stay away from social media as much so that I don't go looking for things but I'm trying to play things off like it isn't really getting to me, like I'm moving on quicker and in a more healthy way, because I actually am. I haven't rebounded, drink nor do I do drugs)
I welcome suggestions or any words of encouragement that will help me push forward. I feel like I know what to do, and it takes time to sorta these sort of things out emotionally, I wouldn't be in slight contact with her if I knew it wouldn't allow me to move on at all, like I said I'm just lost and confused with the whole situation is all.
Recap on questions:
Would being in slight contact as she's rebounding and her seeing me do fine push her into the new guy quicker?
How does someone get so close to the point of being intimate in bed to just platonic?
Does it seem like she's trying to commit to this decision of breaking things off because she feels like she cant go back on her word?
Even if we weren't official but over the course of a year we have been very close emotionally, would this also be enough for her to think about me? Especially if I've denied that emotional support (this was important to her because I would validate her feelings but I didn't take it away as manipulation but instead for my own peace that I can't give her something she chose to take for granted)
I'm sorry if it's a lot but I'd really appreciate any feed back

I’m either going to get her back or live like Noah did in the notebook and just miss her forever. She’s the one. We could get back together tomorrow and I’d give my life and effort to make it last forever or I would never see her again. No matter what. She’s my last. I will not restart with anyone else or go back to anyone else.

A breakdown of the title and what it means:

• Meier: A reference to the primary name taken by the Human personage of __ias Meier, ironically meaning [REDACTED BY EMERGENCY ORDER 56] and also ironically meaning "Superior" -- secretary general of the United Nations (the Human-originated organization acting as Earth's local counterpart to the Federation of the greater galaxy, founded nearly two hectocycles ago in the wake of [REDACTED BY EMERGENCY ORDER 56]) until the [REDACTED BY EMERGENCY ORDER 56] in --- October (the rough match to an orbital period of Earth's moon that is the tenth within Earth's own orbital period, named after the number eight) --- 21st (referring to the planetary rotation that Earth was working through after the start of the aforementioned temporal unit), --- 2136 (the two thousand, one hundred and thirty sixth orbital period of Earth since a slightly miscalculated figure for the birth of [REDACTED BY EMERGENCY ORDER 56])
• is: The succeeding description applies to him, uninterrupted, to the present moment.
• the only: The succeeding description is not accurate to other characters in the narrative.
• Competent: He pursued his goals with the best use of his resources, only failing when outside factors interfered.
• Antagonist: Any knowledgeable person would have been aligned against him.
• (and why most sex scenes are not canon compliant): Terra Technologies, owner of the memory transcription technology, usually has more innocuous reasons to be selective about which memories to release from its collection of brain scans.

(This hyperthesis is a long one, so you can scroll to the bottom of the second fourth post for a less than 2000 character TL;DR.)
I'm not posting another bit, this is my unfiltered opinion of one of the most erratic characters in a story full of lunatic protagonists. Some people call this a crack theory. I can't agree, the intended reading is the crack one to me. The plot is moth-bitten if you accept Meier as a swell man that wasn't prepared for reality. And I will take you to those bites so you can know that they are scissor holes.

What are you talking about?

SecGen Meier is the local version of Wallace Breen, a delusional and all too willing accomplice to the invasion and forced transformation of Humanity into servile abominations. By the end of this thorough analysis of his actions, and the distressingly small sample of his thoughts that we read, I will demonstrate to you that he is a character belonging among the likes of Nikonus and Giznel in the annals of history, shielded from his rightful place by the Terran propaganda machine using the simple trick of never showing any bit of haughtiness or rudeness to the notoriously naive main characters.
Let's say that you are working on the fedboy hypnosis of a species. What steps do you take?

• Local powers are consolidated into a planetary government to enable later steps of the Uplift.
• The native culture is repressed in every form until you have drafted a final vision of their role in the galaxy.
• Ee-yos are globally issued to enforce galactic norms on the natives.
• The completed Uplift is finally given some measure of independence once inertia and peer pressure can be trusted to hold them in place.

And how can I show that his actions were following this model?

A case for selective transcription

This post had been a work in progress for quite some time and it's about to show in two ways. Kalsim's fate showed me that I was only right about the one which this entire theory rests upon.
The strongest argument that can be made against this whole interpretation, is the fact that we do read memory transcriptions of himself on two separate occasions, and neither displays any ulterior allegiance to Chairman Nikonus. There is obviously, no tool of investigation that is more thorough than examining the history of someone's actual thought processes. But I can show you how little that matters.
Open SpacePaladin15's patreon, in incognito mode if you're a patron, and keep scrolling down, do not close it when you're done with the following observation. The majority of Isif chapters will have a preview like "Memory Transcription Subject: [REDACTED]", excluding chapters 101, 112, 119, and 142 onwards. Convention leads us to assume that they were undisclosed for being sensitive information. BUT, the rebellion was long over by the time that Memory Transcription technology was developed, and all its structures replaced with formal counterparts, not to mention that there is information that was clandestine at the time in the 4 publicated Isif chapters among many others.
But consider the ethics of allowing anyone to see the most intimate record of someone's history, even posthumously. (Fun fact: this is how everyone in real life will be tortured after their death, good or evil. They'll invite everyone that ever interacted with you in any way to a theater where your special chair projects every second of your existence in supersensible fast motion. Punishment? Hazing? Don't be so egotistical, your comfort and dignity is only an acceptable sacrifice for the closure of others.) When publishing memory transcriptions for civilian use, you would best skip over not just the uneventful parts, but those that were private or downright shameful. Isif executes a cruelty deficient in his very first chapter, not to mention the earlier crimes against sapience he committed offscreen at the beck of Giznel or Meier. It WAS NOT hidden for galactic security, they do not want to depict memory transcription subjects as the villains of their own stories.
(Notice that Sovlin POVs cease once he made his mind to torment Marcel and they don't resume until the latter escapes. And notice again that other protagonists are never caught perpetuating the heinous practices that we know them to endorse. Forget Glim's entire line of work, do you really think that Slanek never gaslit an uplift victim, Tarva never subsidized the opening of new treatment facilities, or Noah never snitched on a history enthusiast?)
And with this in mind, notice that we never get to read his mind during the whole time that humanity is on speaking terms with the Federation. Of the three chapters featuring his POV, Chapter Five was him learning about them for the first time, and Chapters Fifty Three and Fifty Four are aftermath to the Battle of Earth. In other words, no point where he would be thinking "it's so great to be selling Humanity out to the greater galactic order".
Now, while they do admit to Meier doing something far worse than being a normal citizen of the galaxy, that was just a hard man making a hard decision. Unfortunately, even the circumstances leading to him doing the worst thing that any human has ever done, or will be capable of doing for the forseeable future, are still his fault. It would be the last nail in the coffin of his legacy if they admit that he was a part of business as usual for the Conspiracy, and he intentionally killed billions of complete innocents because of the consequences of his own actions.

Why this theory is possible

Here are some things that we can tell about the Kolshian fleet:

• The Federation navy is divided between cosmopolitan jobbers and the Kolshian Commonwealth's shadow armada. It is reasonable to assume that there is similarly secretive infrastructure to serve the other needs of the conspiracy.
• The FTL communications in particular, were of sufficient quality that Nikonus and Giznel were able to have a real time video conference.
• It is safe to assume that any species being prepared for subjugation has Shadow facilities underwater and in nearby space, for purposes of co-ordination, vehicular maintenance, and surveillance of the natives.
• We know that technology used by the Kolshian Commonwealth significantly outdoes any of their vassals in automation, security, and counterintelligence.
• The Archivists believed that the extinction of humanity was no sooner than 1974 (control-F "Farsul Abductee (1/8)" in the patreon tab that I told you to keep open). Nuclear testing already peaked by then, and regardless of how they would interpret the intentions of the act, it clearly wasn't wiping us out, so "the Cold War" is a misconception of how they misconcieved us. This means that the Conspiracy only gave up on humanity by the next major war, a century later, likely because nothing says "Kessler syndrome" like a Satellite War. -- It is possible that this impression was reinforced by the accidental destruction of monitoring bases. It is possible that some uncredited attacks were actually the self-destruct procedures of alien facilities. This bullet point wasn't actually that important because I was just making the observation that some bases had less time to degrade than you would expect which doesn't matter that much in space but I guess the mention of self destruct sequences goes against that. --- It's actually up for question if the Farsul ever believed that Humanity went extinct, they said so when their popsicle stand was blown, but lying is their entire job. Why bother with continuing to defrost humans for the creation of a Cure that you'll never be able to apply?

With this information, I can assume that Nikonus had the means to covertly contact SecGen Meier through an unsquidded vehicle before the information blackout was lifted from the Venlil Republic, and lay down exactly which actions he was supposed to take if he wanted Humanity to live. Remember also that this was all happening in the backyard of a species rightly known as a sleeping existential threat, that all but formally declared independance from the rest of the galaxy - as much of a obvious cover-up as what we're about to discuss.

How would aliens react to ee-yo-fifty-six?

Emergency Order 56 was a legal prohibition against the disclosure of "predatory" topics with aliens, ostensibly an effort to keep them from finding materials that could be used to demonize Humans, as if a photo doesn't do the trick. BainshieWrites already answered the title of this section in Predator War Uncovered - Emergency Order 56, and this section is more specifically here to question its official motive, because it was not something that he made up to downplay the competence and ethicality of the UN, it was something that SpacePaladin15 made up to downplay the competence and ethicality of the UN.
Did your mental alarms go off when I said predatory? Recall how the list of applicable topics grew throughout the story in a way that could be used to make the world's most confusing Bob Parr slideshow. It does not mean threatening, it doesn't even mean carnivorous, it means anything that would challenge their worldview.

• A list of ways that Humans may develop inherent inclinations to conflict with society.
• The animal motifs that we use since childhood (the "animal loving" Marcel wouldn't elucidate Slanek to the idea of safe interactions with carnivorous animals until the antichrist needed guard dogs)
• Any knee-level or deeper lore of a Human religion (ostensibly just proselytism, but both sides have motivation to blur the lines between preaching and satisfying curiousity)
• A digestive imbalance in humans that most overcome by eating meat, and the horrifying consequences of leaving it unchecked. (This is information that was being denied even to Governess Tarva until a global tragedy that was brought about by keeping it a secret)

“You have been starving from eating plants?” I squeaked.
Meier breathed a frustrated sigh. “Humans are omnivores, Tarva, as we have told you many times. The nutrients in vegetables are quite accessible to us.”
“That said, without animal products, we usually develop serious mineral deficiencies,” Noah interjected, sensing my next question. “Vegetarians need supplements or fortified foods: B12, iron, protein, and so on. This has been explained to your medical community.”
Undoubtedly, it was easier to absorb those nutrients through dietary means. At least the Terrans could survive on vegetation, with a little help. The Arxur couldn’t derive any nutritional value from plants, even if they wanted to. I didn’t know why zero scientists, here or in the Federation, had figured that out.
“So it’s not about bloodlust at all. I get the point, I think,” I sighed. “What do you want to do about the grays’ story?”

Much as you love to accuse background racists of being brainwashed idiots - like I'm one to talk with a title like this - let's use empathy for a moment, theory of mind, not just being nice to sad people. Here is what is happening on Venlil Prime:

The Governess has thrown her lot in with an alien race that has a universally attested history of depravity. The latter will confirm but not elaborate on this history, in fact they are morally obligated to attest it with everyone else.
But they refuse to elaborate. This would have just been a case of collective shame if they weren't equally secretive about their current state of affairs, including their daily lives. The information that they will give either drops in clarity at alarming and suggestive frequencies in its coverage of both the past and present, or suspiciously outdoes less infamous cultures at conforming to your idea of civilization. There is a grim precedent for the sort of secrets they could be keeping from everyone, but others will tell you to "think for yourself" when you point at the worrisome data.
And it's always a backhanded appeal to your sense of pride when someone says that. Yet you are noticing, more than ever, that people really don't think for themselves at large, and the secretive warmongerers are exploiting their blind trust in the government through vague assurances that these newcomers have totally changed for the better. From unspeakable, to still unspeakable. The set of possible secrets is infinitely longer than just the ones that are shocking but ultimately acceptable as consequences of a different evolutionary foundation, and you know that they have already strayed far out of the latter category.

Look, I'm sorry. It is shitbrained to have any trust in a species that feels the need for this law. Typically, there are one between three reasons in NoP that someone has chosen to reap the benefits of a brain-crackingly stupid policy, either they do not know better because they were lobotomized by outside influences, their mental facilities atrophied from centuries of political omnipotence, or it worked so it isn't stupid no matter how much we complain. It achieved nothing except to preserve drama, so we can rule that last one out.
But Humans do know better. That's their entire edge in the story. It makes no sense in PR terms to do this when your dirtiest of laundry is being aired out by the heart of civilized space. But if you, the author of this law, actually share an agenda with the Shadow Caste, then it's the perfect trident for roasting your marshmallows. First, it produces the impression that virtuous Humans still need to be unburdened of their current circumstances. Second, it complicates the ability of Human culture to flee a genocide. Third, it protects the galactic consensus in the topics of nature, of predators, and of Humans, from being challenged by their observations.
And speaking again about achieving nothing. Haysi's 'Pure Evil' exhibit stayed up, even unmolested, in the very capital of Venlil Prime for the entire time that he was alive. We know that Tarva knew about this, it might have even been her introduction to the Human race. And she had the ability to follow her interest in taking this slander down. If not from the totalitarian powers that she displayed at the very start of the story, or from the fact that it was most likely public property, then how about Sam's ability to get away with what amounted to very polite vandalism? Tarva must have told some flat nailed biped about it, and one has to assume that this creature told her not to worry about it.
In the end, this officially self-inflicted restriction serves much of the same purpose as the way that recent uplifts are marginalized and postured over. We can assume that every world government, most recently Leirn, started out with laws concerning resistance to modernization that were enforced in similar circumstances.
Special mention should be given to one of the few biological features that were censored; the idea that our hunting strategy made us into an excellent labor force. The galaxy is only fascist in the sense of "the government is being mean :(", and has more of a neoliberal inclination [lie]when predators are taken out of the picture[/lie]. So if anything, it would have given a profit motive to the acceptance of the Human race. If you think that it was just going to brand the Terran work ethic as predatory, that's first a backwards chain of causality, it's predatory because Humans are involved; and second, the official narrative said that Human sociality was predatory under your logic.
However, consider how some amount of 'declawing' was likely to go into our version of the Cure.
They'd never Cure the Human capability for close bonds since imagine proposing that nonsense at the Cure labs and the Behavioral Sink would have done that without need for high tech meddling. Humans were not just personally kinder to the aliens because the survival of their species depended on their best behavior, they couldn't emotionally tell that the aliens were people thus embarassing to care about. In time, this opening in their own kind of artificial callousness would have healed, as both civilizations demanded (and continue to demand), through the integration of alien intelligence into Human norms. This will still happen, the disease of the symptoms has not been treated, apathy will continue to kill the galaxy.
On the other paw, it's much easier to write a takedown order of Human persistence without being spaced into Talsk's hadopelagic zone. If the galaxy knows that our physical heart, not the metaphorical, is a hunting tool, that's something they can announce a Cure for without much more controversy, easily drumming the masses up to demand it before anyone can feel safe around the Children of Planet Earth. And there goes our economic edge in the Federation (in it, not over it, you maniac). It's best if they just think that they need to genetically shave our canines.

Loose lips sink ships but tight ones raze planets

As I mentioned with the Tarva example, all information covered under this law is only spread on a need to know basis, even with leaders that are notorious for their faith in Humanity. But you'd need some sort of consultant for navigating the Federation's 'predator' anticoncept - yet any remotely loyal citizen of the Venlil Republic would be passing the worst of it to their own government, which is exactly what they are trying to prevent. Venlil indiscretion has been as much of a driving force for the story as Human...something. Stars above, this order can not be enforced with any loyalty to the people that you love.
So either they were working on oddly accurate guesswork or their consultants were just more tight lipped than they had any reason to be, or they were using consultation disguised as guesswork. There is no reason that the Conspiracy would wager all the progression of an Uplift on one person, see how the archives were a pan-species effort to everyone that entered their place in the galaxy.
But that hasn't come to fruition yet, so Meier and his colluders had been answering directly to Nikonus, and some silly doggies were ripping their furs out because they're locked out of the loop for anything relevant to the projected zombie apocalypse, and can't even begin to crack the code themselves when any acknowledgment of a nutritional need for meat would be treasonous under the United Nations.
None of that is Meier's fault, there was no way for him to know that it was happening. Although he caused it to happen; and could have prevented it if he had aspirations beyond herding people into ever bigger blobs; the exact factors were out of left field. The archive experiments are not something to be admitted to a third degree Fedboy Hypnotist, and the Hunger incidents were kept as a secret even from the Kolshian Commonwealth. Meier would have just truthfully told Old Nick that forced veganism was a bridge that we were able to cross, save some resistance from those who were...how does that go..."too arrogant". He doesn't know that he needs to give an explanation to other parties why some people were contracting physically lethal cases of predator disease once they were civilized.

It is a common misconception that Meier is the only Human to have a canonical memory transcription.

The wrinkles on Meier’s face were taut with sympathy. “But please let me correct that statement: you did not kill her. You chose not to prolong her suffering, because you’re a selfless, kind person.”

Can I get an opinion of this line from someone that understands Human emotion? It's easy to imagine myself saying it before I take all of my clothes off for a walk into the thruster engines, but I'm not a Venlil Prime Extermination Guild certified Good One like Meier (and which of you here wouldn't commit chicken dinner to clean out the taste of such a commendation?), so I could be ignorant that it would be [squints at teleprompter]...a true...[mumbles into earpiece]...[takes something from assistant] Ritz© moment [waves box around]. So does he know that nothing wins a Fedboy over like dismissing their guilt, or does she take anything that resembles an attempt at consolation? Could Meier have done the same thing by gurgling in a concilatory tone? We are talking about the same woman that locked down lightyears of space over a hug.
But if we skip to the end of his story for a little bit, there is one line of hers that can't be explained by the conventional narrative, at all.

[Censored] Meier had dedicated himself to virtue and the pursuit of peace to the last. Every temptation pushed him the opposite direction, but he was true to his beliefs.

Really. Really. Out of everything there is to deny about the whale in the chinchilla cage, are people really going to say that it wasn't any instance of yielding to the temptation to kill? And Governess Tarva wouldn't just forget about that. No one would be able to enter her position without keeping awareness of such actions and their ramifications. No one can do those things without permanently tainting an onlooker's image of them, either, that's why this post exists!
There is room to argue that these words were put into her proverbial mouth, since the story periodically switches to using italicized paragraphs, an indication of being an internal monologue. As if the rest of the narration isn't, and many 'thoughts' were just an attempt of the transcriptors to put their drives and emotions to words, just like with the visual imagery of the scanned brain, and this time, they went overboard wiping his butt. We can rely on Terra Technologies to have no conflicts of interest when documenting Terran atrocities. And with that in mind, isn't it interesting that our second layer of unreliable narration idealizes codependance of both polity and person, the cause of all problems in this story? Perhaps this is why they never rebuked biocalvinism in the case of Arxur non-defects. Any proof that predapaths can have productive, harmless lives would mean showing how to give moral inclinations to those that were resistant to the traditional means of this, and that means that employees of this alarming gigacorp have to play by the same rules as everyone else in this galaxy.
And just like that, this thought is immediately followed by an example of an internal monologue.

[Censored] will be missed. He was a true leader, willing to do whatever was necessary. He dreamed big; there was so much he could’ve offered humanity.

This isn't the same sort of an outright delusion, as it's just an opinion. A stupid one, but the kind of stupid to expect from the combination between apathy and naiveté that Tarva has been raised into. Same vein as the non-reaction that many had towards the Kolshian Commonwealth's genetic intrusion, cultural genocide, and colluding with Arxur to destroy the homeworlds of Federation members.
And to make more counter-criticism of the way that aliens behave in this story, this aspect of the narration exonerates them from a lot of oblivious comments ascribed to the depths of their minds. They literally did not know what they were thinking. Our self awareness is mostly limited to that which we're setting ourselves to commit our own physical beings towards. This is why the Human system as much of a leap in insidiousness over the Kolshian system as the latter were over the Arxur system, since it does a better job at hiding the injury that your compliance brings. The story of Kalsim is that empathy is no replacement for a moral code, it is simply the bodily function to model other people's mental states. If you start treating empathy as a synonym for morality, you'll spare anyone with the luck to be in front of you, whether they're Arjun or Kalsim, while continuing with the eradication of everyone that couldn't stimulate your mirror neurons.
But I decline the possibility that Tarva's first thought was an oblivious moment of idealization, when those actions should still have a weight on her subconscious idea of him.
I might have to move to Wriss after ending this lecture. The personality disorder assessor can finally detain me for lovebombing and a chemical lobotomy if she has sufficient grounds to pile Schizotypalism on top of my Oppositional-Defiant diagnosis. The prior sorcery allegations had been a joke for the purposes of all conversations with her, but I don't think that I can keep saying so when I have evidence that he was using mesmerism on Tarva.
That's not insanity, I'll tell you what is insanity: accusing Terra Technologies of directly lying to cover up for the brood parasite. They can downplay, hide, simplify, mistranslate, but never lie. There is no more meaning in this subject if we allow ourselves to reject the text. If that can be thrown out, anything else can, and there goes all shared ground for the 'reality' suggested by chapters of The Nature of Predators.
So Meier has to be a literal hypnotist that used unnatural means to repress, but not erase, inconvenient memories of Tarva's. It's that, or he was already gave her the impression that he'd, well...

I think The Bolter is very Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy or Amy March from Little Women for example.
The Prophecy is obviously very Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but I also think Lorelai Gilmore from Gilmore Girls and Lottie Matthews from Yellowjackets.
I Can Do It With a Broken Heart is very Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games.
The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived is very Aria Montgomery from Pretty little Liars and Emily Prentiss from Criminal Minds.
But Daddy I Love Him is very Noah and Allie from The Notebook.
So High School is SO many but I think it is super similar to Kat and Patrick from 10 Things I Hate About You.
I feel like there are so many more so give me the fictional media you associate TTPD songs with!!!!!

hey!! my names susannah. i’m from northern indiana:) basically michigan. obviously not much to do here lol
a few things abt me!!
-what are my interests? reading , cooking , and painting mostly! trying to learn to crochet
-music taste? my mains include fleetwood mac, journey, tracy chapman, taylor swift , noah kahan, zach bryan, plus others ofc!
-fav movies/tv shows? new girl and degrassi are too favs! love kitchen nightmares too. anything true crime floats my boat and a few other random shows include superstore , glee , brooklyn nine-nine! i like other ones too, just a few that come to head !
-movies are usually anything sad or sappy for me like the notebook or a walk to remember:)
-animals? i have one cat! her names callie :) had a dog too but she passed

hey!! my names susannah. i’m from northern indiana:) basically michigan. obviously not much to do here lol
a few things abt me!!
-what are my interests? reading , cooking , and painting mostly! trying to learn to crochet
-music taste? my mains include fleetwood mac, journey, tracy chapman, taylor swift , noah kahan, zach bryan, plus others ofc!
-fav movies/tv shows? new girl and degrassi are too favs! love kitchen nightmares too. anything true crime floats my boat and a few other random shows include superstore , glee , brooklyn nine-nine! i like other ones too, just a few that come to head !
-movies are usually anything sad or sappy for me like the notebook or a walk to remember:)
-animals? i have one cat! her names callie :) had a dog too but she passed

hey!! my names susannah. i’m from northern indiana:) basically michigan. obviously not much to do here lol
a few things abt me!! -what are my interests? reading , cooking , and painting mostly! trying to learn to crochet -music taste? my mains include fleetwood mac, journey, tracy chapman, taylor swift , noah kahan, zach bryan, plus others ofc! -fav movies/tv shows? new girl and degrassi are too favs! love kitchen nightmares too. anything true crime floats my boat and a few other random shows include superstore , glee , brooklyn nine-nine! i like other ones too, just a few that come to head ! -movies are usually anything sad or sappy for me like the notebook or a walk to remember:) -animals? i have one cat! her names callie :) had a dog too but she passed