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There's been a lot of talk around balance lately, particularly some (in my opinion) valid complaints about certain nerfs not making sense.
With that in mind, here are some suggestions around balance. The focus here is on fun and uniqueness.
Credit for most suggestions goes to the Helldivers community. I've mostly compiled what others have said, though I've tried to be more specific about stat recommendations.
For anyone who doesn't know, the stats shown on-screen are not the full picture. For instance, the CEO has said recoil is actually governed by 14 different values. However, I wanted to be as specific as possible.
For anyone wondering, I'm around level 50 and play on various difficulties, most often 7.
When in doubt, I've erred on the side of smaller versus larger changes, which I think is a good approach to balance in general.
Some more general thoughts about balance about the bottom, but for now, let's just dive in...
Liberator: Honestly great as-is; well-rounded starter for clearing crowds, compensated by being bad against armor.
Liberator Penetrator: VERY underpowered due to a 30-round mag (versus 45 for the Liberator), and 45 (versus 60) damage, though it does have Medium armor penetration. It's very strange that the "Penetrator" does far less damage than its "vanilla" variant. Suggest raising damage to 65 and keeping the clip at 30 rounds to emphasize its specialty anti-armor role.
Liberator Concussive: Suggest raising damage to 75. Come on... it shoots explosive, um, concussive rounds. The smaller clip would still balance it versus the basic Liberator, while the lack of Medium penetration would mean it doesn't invalidate the Penetrator.
Tenderizer: Suggest raising damage to 75 on this one too, or it will be completely invalidated by the Liberator variants (as it currently is...). This would make it a smaller-capacity, higher-caliber alternative, which aligns with the description. Also, ammo should be fully refilled by drops (as most other guns are) and the color fixed to match the trailer. Guessing these were oversights.
Adjudicator: Well-balanced thanks to recent buffs, but I do think the recoil should be more like 30-35 instead of 40. I'm a big fan (and liked it even before the buff), but it feels strangely hard to control the recoil, especially now that it's considered an assault rifle.
Diligence: Think it's great after the buffs. Not always ideal for bugs (though I use it for that too), but great for bots. No changes.
Diligence Counter-Sniper: Love it after the buffs; it was terrible before. I do think it should have 8 mags instead of 6 (matching the Diligence in mags, but still with less ammo overall due to a clip of 15 versus 20). It feels like it runs out way too fast.
Defender: Honestly not sure; I rarely use it and haven't read much about it. I suspect this means it's decent as-is.
Pummeler: Similar to Defender but less fire rate and lower damage in exchange for stun. Well-received by the community; good as-is.
Punisher: Powerful and well-rounded, good as-is.
Slugger: People were using it as a stagger sniper rifle, and somehow the balance "fix" was to remove the stagger and power, but keep the sniper accuracy? This is a slug shotgun. Suggest reverting damage and stagger to pre-nerf, but make it somewhat less accurate (or have the damage drop off more) at longer ranges.
Breaker: Good as-is.
Breaker Spray& Pray: Nearly half the damage / twice the capacity of the regular Breaker, but only 10% more fire rate? Granted this is a light crowd clearer, but I really think the fire rate should be more like 400. This would still be notably lower DPS than the Breaker, but with more ammo and much faster firing... it is called the Spray&Pray!
Breaker Incendiary: One of the best weapons imo, with a very reasonable trade-off of less immediate power for more BURN THEM ALL. My teammates often use it to set me ablaze with patriotism. Good as-is.
Exploding Crossbow: One of the worst-balanced weapons right now. The question is whether it should be more of a light crowd-clear (as it was pre-nerf), or armor penetrator (as the devs have claimed was their original intention), as currently it is bad at both. I would favor the former, only because A) that's what it was before and what people seemed to prefer, and B) that sets it apart from the Eruptor more, rather than basically serving the same role but without the ability to close holes. (I personally wish it could close them, as it is explosive, but being semi-auto that might be a bit OP.) I think it should be reverted to pre-nerf, but adding a couple more clips and keeping the faster-flying bolts (a nice change!). It was odd and a bit annoying how slow the bolts were when it first got released; even strafing could throw them off. It's a crossbow, after all, not a trebuchet. The tooltip should also say its level of armor penetration (currently it doesn't.)
Dominator: Not sure why it was recently nerfed down to 275 damage. I honestly feel the recent nerf made no difference to the balance, but I'd revert it just as a show of good faith.
Eruptor: There is a lot to say here... suggest reverting its stats and performance to the original release, but keeping the fix to it not 'imploding' players toward the explosion, and keeping the magazines at 6. I think it is potentially OK to keep the slight nerf to damage radius fall-off too (I didn't feel much difference, but it seemed more realistic somehow, whereas at release the explosion felt like it went abruptly from full damage to 0 at the edge of the radius).
HOWEVER, removing the "shrapnel" mechanic absolutely needs to be reverted. This was a massive, unnecessary nerf that removed the gun's identity and took it from being great to being awful.
A couple more points about that:
-Yes, it could randomly kill you from 30 meters away... like 0.5% of the time. Anyone claiming it didn't is wrong, though it was very rare. I had it happen maybe twice in a 10-hour period.
-No, it was not a big deal at all. However, it also did not make sense, and added nothing fun to gameplay. None of the other "explosive" guns, airstrikes, etc, work that way, and it appears from dev comments the rare weirdly long ricochets were not intended. If that could be fixed without removing the shrapnel, I think it should be... though I would personally rather have a quick revert/fix that adds back shrapnel but keeps the weird ricochet, versus a slower fix that resolves the issue completely.
-Removing the shrapnel was a dev decision. Some people need to stop blaming the community for that, because no one was asking for it to be removed completely; they just wanted the explosive mechanics to be more consistent, fun, and intuitive.
Punisher Plasma: Feels way better after the buffs; love the increased flight speed for the shots. I could see a slight buff to power or explosive radius, but think it's pretty good as-is.
Blitzer: Feels amazing after the buff to fire rate. Kudos to the devs, because this has gone from hot garbage to being my favorite gun... unless/until the Eruptor is fixed. Democracy rating: Taste My Lightning / 10.
Scythe: The buff helped, but it still feels quite weak. I'd buff power significantly (up to 450-500 DPS) and up the Fire Limit from 8 to 10. For comparison, the Sickle has a DPS of 687.5 (assuming its 750 "Fire Rate" means roughly 750 rounds per minute) and a Fire Limit of 9.
Sickle: Super fun, no notes. Great crowd clear, not so great against heavies. I think the nerf to its ammo cartridges was fine, though unnecessary. It didn't change much.
Scorcher: I haven't used it personally (literally just unlocked), but the community seems to feel it's in a good place. Looking forward to some Scorching!
Purifier: Also have not used this personally, so take with a grain of salt, but the consensus seems to be that it's like a much worse Scorcher. The chargeup is a neat mechanic, so I'd lean into that and add a lot more power... like, 400 versus the current 250. Maybe increase recoil to give it that extra kick. Also, I could be wrong, but the 250 displayed for the fire rate seems strangely high based on the gameplay videos I've seen... not sure if that's accurate.
General balance suggestions:
1) "Spreadsheet" balancing based on gun popularity is a bad strategy.
It's good to encourage loadout variety, but guns will never be used equally, and "more used" does not necessarily mean "overpowered." There are many reasons besides a gun being unbalanced that it might be used by more people. It could be unlocked earlier, or easier to learn, or just more fun to use (in which case it's the last thing you should be nerfing!). Some will be used by more people simply because they see other people using it. There are many examples of this in other games. In Rocket League, the "Octane" car is literally identical to many other cars in its stats, but it's still the most used by a wide margin. In Age of Empires 2, the French civilization has a higher win-rate among low-level players because it's easy to learn, but at a higher level, it's well-balanced.
2) Ideally balance for low and high difficulties... but high is more important.
At a high level, if a gun underperforms, you will either die, or worse, not contribute properly to your team... and Freedom.
Because there are some enemies that only appear on higher difficulties, you simply can't get away without playtesting on higher levels.
With that said, if something works well at a high level, the lower levels take care of themselves to an extent. There are some caveats (for instance, crowd-clearing weapons with low armor penetration are relatively better on lower levels), but it's hard to have perfect balance across all difficulties, and it's less important for lower levels because you can get away with a lot more and still survive. The same is not true in reverse.
If the devs don't have the time or inclination to play at a high level, a Preview server (as some have suggested) could help. Tapping skilled streamers/content creators for balance suggestions (after vetting them and/or putting some kind of NDA in place) is an option, too. Microsoft does that with Age of Empires, for instance.
3) This is a PVE game, not PVP. It's best to err on the side of limited changes... especially with nerfs. Fixes take time, but it takes 0 development time to NOT nerf something.
People emotionally invest in weapons they enjoy. (I bring my emotional support 500KG everywhere!) If you change them, they probably won't like it! This goes double for unnecessary nerfs (see 1 above).
In a PVP game, if something is overpowered, the person it's used against generally has less fun. In Helldivers, our enemies are subhuman and have no feelings to consider besides a hatred of all things free and Democratic.
If you've read this far, thanks for taking the time!
I'd love to hear what others think about these suggestions.
The CEO (Pilestedt) has made it clear that the community's concerns around balance have been noted, and the recent Discord posts indicate it's something the team is currently looking at, so hopefully there will be more positive changes soon.
See you on the front!

Hi there!
I have quite a bit of experience with traveling, and unfortunately, I'm also very experienced with migraines (for over 10 years). Through trial and error, I've figured out how to navigate travel without triggering a migraine, and I'd love to share my tips with you. Feel free to share your own tips in the comments!
We all have our own migraine or headache triggers, and I've got plenty of mine. The key is to identify yours and do your best to avoid them.

1. The first rule of being a migraine traveler is to always carry your migraine or headache relief with you. Even if you know tons of life hacks on how to reduce it, no one knows when the next attack will come. Most migraine pills are sold on a prescription basis in Europe, so you cannot buy them in a pharmacy whenever you want. Make sure you have enough pills/drops for your trip (and also ensure you will not be required to carry your prescription, as some countries' border control might ask for it).
2. Try to minimize stress as much as possible (though it may seem tough! :) ). Make a thorough packing list in your notes or a packing app to prevent those "OMG, I forgot my passport" moments. Also, ensure you arrive at the airport on time to avoid unnecessary rushing and stress.
3. One of my major triggers is strong smells, so I always try to avoid duty-free shops that sell perfume. However, there are times when I might still visit these shops if I feel that my migraine is under control and won't be triggered.
4. Stay hydrated. I mean really hydrated. I always carry at least a bottle of water for every hour of flight. Staying hydrated on a plane is vital due to the low humidity (dry air in airplanes is a major cause of dehydration, as your body loses moisture through breathing and skin evaporation) and high altitude, which can lead to dehydration and worsen headaches. Drinking water (not juice or coke!!!) regularly throughout the flight helps counteract these effects.
5. Avoid alcohol and caffeine as much as you can before and during your flight. They can both contribute to dehydration, but more importantly, they influence blood vessels and neurotransmitter levels in the brain. Both alcohol and caffeine can change how blood moves through your body and affect a chemical called serotonin. These changes are connected to migraines in people who are prone to getting them. Save the drinks for your destination! Skip your glass of overpriced champagne in the airport and opt for Prosecco in Rome or some Kölsch in Cologne instead.
6. Choose the right seat (and even pay for it if needed). Light sensitivity? Opt for a window seat, so you can close the window shade and block the bright sunlight. Motion sickness? Avoid seats near the wings or engines can help minimize exposure to noise and vibrations. Swelling? Seletc a seat with extra legroom, which not only provides comfort but can also help reduce the risk of swelling in the legs and feet, which is common during long flights and can contribute to discomfort and headaches.
7. Consider your in-flight entertainment carefully. While in-flight movies and TV shows can be a great way to pass the time, staring at a screen for too long can strain your eyes and potentially trigger a migraine. Take regular breaks, blink often, and adjust the screen brightness to a comfortable level. I prefer audiobooks or interesting podcasts - my headphones keep me away from noise on the airplane and I gain some useful knowledge.
8. Wear comfy clothes during the flight and bring some extras to stay warm. Choose loose clothes instead of tight jeans or high heels that might make you uncomfortable during the flight. Wear layers so you can adjust to the plane's changing temperatures. Bring a travel pillow and blanket if you want extra comfort for long flights. I always bring my travel pillow, warm jacket, and soft&warm socks to stay comfy.
9. Select right food and snacks. Stick to your regular meal schedule and opt for healthy options like salad or a panini instead of fast food. Pack or buy snacks (preferably non-sugary ones!). Skipping meals or relying on sugary snacks can disrupt your blood sugar levels, which often triggers migraines. Pack some healthy snacks like nuts, fruits, or granola bars to keep your energy levels stable throughout the flight.
10. Enjoy your travel :) Maintaining a positive mood can help keep migraines away! Try to relax, enjoy the journey, and stay optimistic. Engage in activities that bring you joy and make the most out of your travel experience!

The list above might seem over-complicated, but trust me - it's worth it to avoid ruining your vacation with a migraine.
Happy travels, everyone!

Fauxmoi is a subreddit dedicated to pop culture and celebrity gossip. Someone shares an article about Sarah Paulson (49) and her girlfriend Holland Taylor (81).
The Top Comment:
Unpopular opinion: I hate this relationship. I hate huge age gaps. It skeeves me out that when Sarah Paulson was born, Holland Taylor was 32 years old. Sarah Paulson was obviously well into adulthood when they met, but still.
With 4k upvotes, it hardly seemed unpopular. The top reply:
I think once you hit a certain age it genuinely does not matter, like a 39 year old definitely has a fully developed brain.. Not gonna stop me from laughing whenever i see pictures of them together and judging the hell outta sarah though lmao. i cannot imagine what could possibly be appealing about a relationship like that.
I don’t get this line of thinking. They didn’t meet when SP was a baby. They met after living wholes ass lives. It’s not some twilight imprinting shit 😂
Why are you judging Sarah? Are you calling olds ugly? What if someone is perfectly turned on by an old? What’s wrong with that?
I think what's upsetting or "skeevy" and "icky" is ageism. Society doesn't like old people, doesn't see them as sexual beings. Kind of infantalises them while disregarding them.
I cannot tell you how much I hate to bring this up because this exercise is bullshit 99% of the time, but in this case I can’t help but wonder if people would be pushing themselves to be so okay with this if Holland was a man. Obviously the dynamic is shifted by that change, but I’m always surprised that everyone seems to think it’s sweet, or something. It seems impossible for this relationship’s dynamic to not be affected somehow by the age gap, the generational disparity, etc.
I literally feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Isn't the whole POINT of discouraging age gap relationships to prevent abuse of the younger, more vulnerable partner? You really think Paulson's age puts her at higher risk of abuse here? If people's reaction to age gap relationships has transitioned...then what's even the fucking point of having the conversation?
I’m extremely shocked and confused. I do not like age gaps like this. Is it better that she’s not in her twenties or something? Definitely, but wow - I did not have this on my bingo card. How is everyone not in shock? Like, y’all knew about this?!!?
...Sarah herself has even alluded to mommy issues…Holland was 32 years old when Sarah was born. Besides acting, what could possibly be their common ground? The idea of a person born today becoming a potential love interest for me in 32 years is insane.
The common ground argument is so tired. How boring does one have to be to only be able to connect with someone who shares the same "common ground" as them. Even partners of the same age can have different interests, backgrounds, energy levels, etc. It's two adults clearly in love - why does it matter what their basis of connection is? You don't have to be the exact same person to love another.
The ageism is that you assume an older women couldn’t possibly have the same interests. Why can’t they like the same movies? The same music? The same restaurants?... “Besides acting” which is a huge chunk of both of their lives! That’s a ton to relate over! This kind of attitude is so dehumanizing to older people. As if they can’t acquire new experiences and tastes.
There’s also an imbalanced power dynamic in hetero relationships. Women are at high-risk for abuse from men, but we don’t generally condemn straight couples. Even though maybe we should. Instead, we let grown-ups make their own choices and hope people won’t be shitty to each other.
At what point does the age gap thing turn back around and get weird about the younger person dating the older one? With the declining faculties of 60+ age people and the mental gymnastics of coming to terms with rapidly approaching death the power dynamic has always seemed like it was heavily heavily in favor or the (in perspective) younger individual.
My 89 year old grandfather says he’s still 35 in his mind, and sometimes it feels like I’m talking to someone in my age range, he’s honestly one of the best friends I have, caring, listens to my issues, gives me great advice, has interesting insights on current events, cracks legit great jokes all the time. We mostly stay the same people through adulthood, our bodies just look a lot different.
So would you not feel a little weird if he brought home a 35-40 yr old woman?
Why are you exaggerating the age difference here? If you're comparing it to Sarah Paulson's relationship, it would be a 59 year old woman. And that seems fine, honestly.
Regardless, if the age gap doesn’t matter because they are consenting adults, what difference does it make what hypothetical age range I chose?

So I’m kinda confused after reading old posts on various subreddits, I make mostly long form content movie and show reviews or that’s what I want to upload as a main thing.
BUT I have also posted a few YT shorts AND shorter clips (as a normal upload 40-60 seconds) from my long form content.
Should I keep doing this or should I focus only more on the shorts or only more on posting the clips like for example what ‘Bombastic Clips’ channel does? OR just do both? Even though they’re the same clips but posted as a different format (short + a normal upload clip)
Will this help with my long form content or and gain a few extra subs or will it be mostly detrimental somehow for the algorithm?
Thanks in advance for all the help ☺️

Warning: Mentions of violence, blood, and some self harm near the end.
While browsing some random conspiracy site, I found what is a supposedly leaked file from the Nevada County Sheriff's Department; however, nothing has been confirmed. According to the OP, it is believed the following is the personal account of a 21 year old Jonathan Ashford of Grass Valley, California. Normally I would write stuff like this off but this one is...different. I’ve done my best to correct most of the grammar and misspelling while at the same time trying to avoid skewing the original account.
-September 15, 2022
I’ve never really been an outdoor person. Well, I guess that’s because I’ve never really been outdoors much in the first place. And that’s because I guess…I've never been invited? I don’t really have any friends. So, needless to say, I was surprised to find myself on a backpacking trip with a group of 5 other students from my university. The plan was five days in Tahoe National Forest some place called Mystery Lake. Monday-Friday. I don’t know why they decided to do it during the week. Most of us had okay grades at best and part time jobs on the side so taking a week off of it all seemed at the very least a bit irresponsible; and yet, I went anyway. Listen, I didn’t plan it, okay? This was one of my only chances to get to know people. The hike wasn’t too long but my genius self who had only been backpacking once when I was around 9 years old or so decided to carry 60 pounds of bullshit up the mountain resulting in my shoulders being sore and raw for the foreseeable future.
-10:11 PM
To be honest, I don’t really know why they let me come with them. I only know one of them and the group has been ignoring me for pretty much the entire trip. I was always bringing up the back on the hike in and I set up my tent outside of the main camp behind some trees. I haven’t eaten any meals with them or talked to them or, now that I think about it, anything really. Regardless. The trip has been an experience. Hopefully things get more exciting tomorrow.
-September 16
I’ve only ever slept in a tent a couple times so the new environment and lack of sleeping pills resulted in quite a restless night. I woke up at about eleven; everyone else was gone. I remembered they were talking about a day hike on a trail headed north so assuming that’s where they went, I hurried to get dressed and grabbed some granola bars. I’m about to head out. I hope I find them.
-12:21 PM
I’d been briskly walking for around an hour and was feeling quite exhausted so when I heard the group’s voices off in the distance I was very relieved. I started to jog in their direction when–when this jolt or–wave of energy flooded my mind. My head instantly started throbbing and my vision went blurry. The best way I could describe it is–TV static? Like the old TVs that would go all staticky when the signal got bad. I could barely make out shapes and a space in the middle of my vision was especially dark to the point where I couldn’t see past it. That wasn’t the worst of it, though. God no, if only I was that lucky. I can still hear the shrieking. That goddamn shrieking. In an instant all I could hear was this sharp, scratchy shrieking. It pierced through my ears and rooted itself in my head. I think I cried out in pain but even if I did I couldn’t have heard it. It was as if the damned souls of hell all cried out in eternal pain all at once and begged for death. I gripped and pulled at my hair, hardly noticing the pain that resulted from it as I fell to my knees in agony before…
I slowly opened my eyes. My head hurt and there was a slight buzzing in my ears. I lay in a pile of ivy next to a fallen log, my back dampened from the cool soil beneath me. I stood up, the hill on which I previously stood was nowhere in sight. As I leaned my shoulder against a tree to steady myself I heard voices. Cautiously, I walked through the foliage as the low vines dragged along my ankles. As I walked, I looked up. The falling sun cast a soft orange glow across the sky. It was probably around five O’clock or so. I climbed up on a large rock only to realize I was near the main camp. I pin-pointed the voices of my fellow campers as they huddled around a low-burning campfire. As I sat down to listen to them speak I could sense a strong feeling of uneasiness resonating from the group. Then it hit me.
“Are you sure you haven’t seen her since earlier this afternoon?” One of them said, I think his name was Matthew? He was tall and lean, by far the tallest in the group.
“I’m sure! It just doesn’t make sense. One minute she was behind me going on about who knows what and then the next when I turn around she’s gone!” A girl with light brown hair said. I didn’t know her name. I could see tears forming at the corner of her eyes as the wind blew her hair into her face.
“We need to find her before it gets dark. Groups of two; stick together!” A shorter man with brown hair said. Ryan. He was the only one I knew. We weren’t friends. Definitely not. But he was nice enough to me in the classes we had together and I was grateful that I was able to go on the trip with him. As he walked past the boulder I sat beside, paying me no mind, I saw his lower lip quiver as his wide eyes looked straight ahead. He was more nervous than he led on. I zoned out for a few seconds, the static from earlier crawling its way into the corners of my vision when a chipmunk climbing a tree snapped me back to reality and I realized I had been left at camp. I looked around at the tall forest but the group was nowhere in sight. I assumed they wanted me to wait at camp in case the missing girl, Alice, came back, but as I moved toward the dying campfire the call of nature occupied my thoughts. I found a spade and a roll of toilet paper and strode briskly into the forest, the cool Autumn air rushing against my chapped lips as I walked. I reached over to scratch an itch on my arm when I saw it.
“The fuck?” I wondered out loud. There on my upper forearm was…a bite mark. I rattled my brain trying to think what could have made that kind of mark. As I examined it more I confirmed my suspicions. It seemed human. At least I think it was human. It’s not like there are any goddamn monkeys native to Middle of Nowhere, California. There was also a dark purple bruise on my lower forearm. Didn’t remember getting that either.
I looked around for a good spot. Stepping over a log, I set my foot down on something soft. It was Alice. Her right hand crushed and mangled and a dried trickle of blood at the corner of her mouth had pooled on a flattened leaf. I screamed, tripping and falling back in the direction I hoped was the camp. As I jumped over a rock I landed hard on my left ankle as a streak of pain shot up through my body. I was trying to get back up when I heard it. The screeching. It steadily yet quickly faded in until it flooded my hearing. My vision was clouded by that same static. I curled up into a ball, kicking at the air. My eyes watered and I felt the urge to vomit…
A wave of dizziness hit me as I opened my eyes and fell on my tailbone, pain shooting up my back. I lay down on my back and looked up at the trees, my nose bloody. It was still dark. Had I been standing? I tried to recall what I had been doing but all I remembered were faded images. One thing I didn’t forget was the screeching. All that I could remember was covered by that screeching and a faint veil of that static. Just thinking about it made my head throb.
A groan. I nearly jumped out of my skin as I turned to look in the sound’s direction. It was David. He looked injured, lying on the ground, but quickly crawled back in what looked like fear when he saw me.
“You bitch!” He muttered between gritted teeth. Before I could react he was up on his feet charging in my direction. I tried to doge him but the wind was quickly knocked out of me as he headbutted me in the stomach. I fell back onto the ground and between coughs I saw him running towards me. Before he could deliver a heavy stomp to my chest I caught his foot and kicked up into his groin. He stumbled back with a low yelp of pain and, taking my chance while he was stunned, I stood up as fast as I could and prepared to block another attack. He ran up to me and attempted to deliver a blow to my stomach with his right fist, leaving his upper body undefended; I used the opportunity to send a hard punch into the side of his neck. He fell back choking, tears in his eyes. As he tried to sit down he tripped on a root and hit his head on a nearby boulder with a sickening crack. He squirmed for a moment, then nothing.
Silence. There was a faint red stain on the side of the rock, and beneath his blood-stained hair, his head seemed unnervingly misshapen. The closer I looked, the more I saw. Bruised neck, flowing blood, even some pinkish bone exposed near the worst of the damage to his skull. The fall must’ve been worse than I thought. Why would he attack me? What was wrong with him? Had he mistaken me for someone else? I sat against the blood-stained boulder and leaned my head back. I’m exhausted. Everything hurts. My ankle is throbbing. I can’t remember how long it’s been since I’ve slept and I don’t know what to do. I should probably go try to find the camp but…I’m too tired. I think I’m going to go to sleep now.
-September 18
I slept through the entire day and most of the night! Or, at least I think I did. The more I think about it I’m not so sure. It’s like 2:30 AM, glad my phone still works even if my brain doesn’t, just wish I had signal. I’m not sure what to do but I might try to go find
-4:29 AM
Something’s definitely out here with us. Or–me. Not sure how many of the others are left out here. I’m sure that shrieking is tied to something. I heard something off in the distance while writing and decided to go check it out. It was Matthew and that other girl. They were walking briskly and their eyes seemed to be darting around frantically. They were talking in hushed tones but from what I heard they found Alice's body, and they were worried. I was about to reveal myself to them when the shrieking came back. It hit me like a train, and sometimes I think a train would have hurt less. It felt like it lasted for hours, I bit a hole through my lip and fell off of the boulder I was sitting on. I couldn’t see anything except a dark patch of static in the middle of my vision surrounded by more static. All the cuts and bruises in my body seemed to amplify and I could barely breathe. I just wanted it to stop but it wouldn’t. It wouldn’t stop.
The two were dead when I came to. I wasn’t much better off myself. No matter how much I spit I can’t get the taste of blood out of my mouth. My arms are covered in cuts and bruises and my shoulder was dislocated. That was a fun half hour figuring out how to put it back in place. I think whatever is out here with us clouds your vision and makes it impossible to hear anything as a way to hunt you. I’m amazed it hasn’t killed me yet. I hope Ryan is still out there.
-6:06 AM
It’s been a long night. A really long night. I found Ryan but–but now I wish I hadn’t. It was around five AM I think, I had been aimlessly wandering through the forest looking for something, anything. By the most unlucky luck Ryan came stumbling around a tree. When he saw me his eyes went wide.
“Jon, what the hell?” Then he squinted his eyes and seemed to notice the wounds on my arm.
“Oh god,” he said. Then, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small knife, glaring at me during the process. Before I could reply, he charged me, knife in hand. I–I didn't want to kill him. I really didn’t. He tackled me to the ground, forcing the knife close to my chest. I desperately tried to push him away and being the stronger one, I knocked him off me. As he hurried to get back on top of me I sent my right leg flying into his arm, knocking the knife from his hand. Before he realized what was happening I grabbed the knife from the ground. In what seemed like a last desperate attempt he tried to force me down again but, already having the knife in my hand, I quickly slashed his chest and one of his wrists without thinking. I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t mean to kill him! I was just defending myself. I don’t know why he attacked me, what’s gotten into him and David? Is that thing controlling them? They didn’t seem like they were under some kind of spell…I don’t think so at least.
After a soft cry of pain he collapsed and rolled down the steep hill we were standing on. I didn’t bother looking for his body. No point. Odds are that thing would use his body as a trap for me or something. I don’t know anymore.
Somehow I found my way back. I don’t remember how, all I remember is collapsing against a tree out of exhaustion but, here I am at the trailhead. I guess my half dead brain forgot most of it. I don’t know what I’ll do now, I don’t think I’ll tell the police. If they hear that some creepy ghost creature is hiding out in the forest killing my friends I’ll probably get locked up in who the fuck knows where for who the fuck knows what. But, no matter how many or how few believe me, I know something is out there. And I know it’s dangerous. I doubt the bodies will ever be found. That forest is huge and I buried Matthew and Elizabeth, found her name in a backpack she had on.
This will be my last entry. My name is Jonathan Ashford, and I survived something dangerous in the Tahoe national forest. Whatever you do, do not go there. Goodbye.
-September 22, 2022, 5:06 PM
Ryan survived. The police are after me. Apparently he told them I stalked them in the forest and picked them off when they weren’t together. I don’t know what’s happening. There are some gaps in my memory but I know that I didn’t kill those people. I only killed David, and that was self defense. I’m not sure what I’ll do. The police don’t know where I am but I’m sure that won’t last long.
-8:19 PM
I saw an interview with Ryan on the local news while browsing channels. He seemed–off. There were bags under his eyes and his skin was pale. He seemed nervous, shaky. I hope he’s ok. I still don’t understand why he thinks I killed them.
-September 23, 3:12 AM
ok ok. I have a theory. I’ve been up all night thinking and it makes so much sense now. That thing can shriek. Terrifying right? But explainable. The static I still can’t make sense of, there’s no feasible way it could naturally do that. What if whatever supernatural force causes the static can also control people? Maybe that’s why Ryan looks so crazy. It must be controlling him. But why would it want me? Am I immune to its effects? Maybe.
-6:04 AM
They didn’t notice it. It didn’t hit them. When I was spying on Matthew and Elizabeth, right before they were–anyways.
The shrieking hit my ears before the static hit my eyes and in those few seconds, they didn’t notice. It didn’t affect them. They didn’t hear the shrieking. Maybe the shrieking is that monster thing's abilities failing to control me. Maybe that's why ryan-whatever’s controlling Ryan wants me. It’s because I’m a threat to it. Because It can’t control me. When I woke up I was injured, but never killed like the others. Maybe it doesn’t have as much power over me as others.
But why would the authorities believe Ryan? There’s no way his story can add up. Even if that creature, that thing, is intelligent, it can’t be that smart to fake a story. Why are they after me?
-11:42 PM
The police came by today. I was about to update this log again when they started banging on my door. I was able to sneak out a window before they noticed me, glad I live on the ground floor.
Something seemed off about them. I can’t say what but, something, like the uncanny valley effect, where something looks human but isn't. Whatever. It’s probably just my imagination. I need sleep.
-September 24, 2:20 AM
Something is wrong–something is definitely wrong. How did they find me? Holy shit that was close! I was dozing by a couple of dumpsters behind a gas station. Figured it was safe enough since it was out of the way and partly blocked by a fence until I heard dogs barking. Not sure how many of them there are, at least two–maybe three, I can still hear them barking. I figured they were just strays that would hopefully leave me alone until I saw the lights. Damn things half-blinded me!
“Son, what are you doing back here? Can we walk to you?” one of the officers said, his face was clammy and pale, he seemed tired, he seemed–off. I didn’t respond or wait for them to try and get closer, I dashed past them before they could call their dogs on me and jumped the fence, running into the tree line. I managed to climb my way up a tree a ways into the woods before they could get around the fence and send their dogs out. They haven’t found me yet, but they’re still looking for me. I can see their flashlights periodically bathing the tree line in a pale glow. I think I’ll try to wait them out and then climb down and run for as long as I can. Not sure where I’ll go yet but they keep finding me so I’ll have to get creative. Not sure how they’re finding me so quickly and easily, but maybe I can come up with something. Is that–thing finding me? Does it always know where I am? Is it controlling the police? Maybe that's why they looked so…wrong. I don’t know. I’m starting to think I don’t know anything anymore. I keep noticing the static in the corner of my vision occasionally, not sure why.
-September 24, 5:03 PM
I fucked up. Big time. Last night, somehow, I fell asleep. I don’t know how, guess I was just too exhausted. The sound of a helicopter pierced through the top of the tree line. Before I could register everything, I slipped and fell down the tree. I was able to slow my fall a bit by dragging my hands along the tree–hurt like a bitch–but I still landed hard. Can barely sit down. I think I was able to avoid being detected by the helicopter. I’m going to start walking. Not sure where but, I need to go somewhere. The static is constantly in the corner of my vision whenever I focus on it now. Why is this happening?
-10:44 PM
This doesn’t make any sense, I don’t know what's happening anymore! I was wandering through the forest when the static came back. God, it was awful, forgot how bad it was. Hell, maybe it was worse this time. Who knows. This isn’t the weirdest, or worst, part. I woke up in my apartment, I’m exhausted, but don’t have any new visible injuries despite how shitty I feel. Not sure why that thing didn’t try to hurt me, maybe it gave up on trying.
The news was on when I woke up, God I’m so fucked. They found the bodies–the ones that I buried. Of course they found my DNA all over them, used their forensics or whatever to try to explain how I killed everyone. I’ll have to admit if it wasn’t all a setup by some evil entity out to get me it would be pretty convincing. Sometimes–I find myself believing it. I don’t know what to think at this point, nothing makes sense anymore. The static is far more noticeable now. My head is starting to hurt, too.
They haven’t come back to my apartment yet, probably don’t think I would return this soon after they searched the place. I know they’ll be here eventually but I’m too tired to care right now. My brother and his kids used to live a few hours out of town, I think he built a treehouse for his kids somewhere behind the house. Maybe I’ll go try and hide out there for as long as I can. As if that will be very long at all.
-September 26, 6:24 PM
Everywhere I look, everything I watch. They’re always out for me. Everyone is looking for me. The things the police and the media keep saying about me–the evidence that gets released every day, the testimonies, officials saying I have symptoms of psychological problems like psychosis and DID, of Bipolar. More and more–I’m starting to believe it myself. Surely it's that thing. Surely it’s getting in my head…right?
-September 27, 1:03 PM
Made it to the treehouse, glad it’s still here. Had a few close calls along the way when trying to steal food from gas stations but I made it ok. Glad I did, the static is starting to really cloud my vision and my head hurts so bad my ears are starting to ring. I’m not out of the woods yet, that’s for sure. I can sense them...it. They’re trailing me. I think they’re getting close.
I’m so tired, so confused. I don’t know what to do, what to think anymore. What’s next? Maybe I’ll try to get some rest…if I can, that is.
I could try to come up with something, some silver bullet or whatever. I have this one idea, it’s not smart or clever, not even close, but it’s an idea, and it won’t let it–them–it, whatever, win. At least I don’t think it will; besides, surely it has a bigger plan for me, right? There’s no way it would go through all this effort just to kill me…
-4:39
They found me. I can hear them outside. They’re getting closer.
To be honest, I don’t know anymore. Maybe I did kill all those people, maybe I am insane. I don’t know what to believe. There’s so much being said, so many people saying it. I’m just so confused, so tired, so scared.
There's a bomb on the chair beside me, homemade. Glad I grabbed enough supplies to build it. Took me a while to figure it out as well as a few close calls but I think I got it working. They’ll have quite the surprise waiting for them once they find me…
They’re at the base of the tree now. The static has almost completely consumed my vision and my head feels like it’s about to explode. I don’t know what’s real and what’s not anymore. I’m not sure why I was made the target of this, why this is happening to me at all, but regardless of the reason, I won’t let them win.
To the creature, or entity, to whatever is doing this to me: I’ll see you in Hell.
Goodbye
Aside from some generic legal stuff to conclude the report, that’s where the document ends. I’m not sure what to make of it. Definitely a lot to take in. I contacted the OP on the site I got this from but haven’t received a response yet, will update if I receive one. For now my only advice is be careful, and don’t go backpacking in Tahoe National Forest. If anyone has any thoughts or info, please, let me know.

I was raised by a father who was bipolar type 2, had borderline personality disorder, severe depression with constant suicidal ideation, the most severe anger issues I have ever seen in a human being in my life (imagine if logan roy from succession got hooked on amphetamines, about like that), and he committed suicide when I was 19. I was not allowed to feel in my home, if I was upset about anything at all, then that meant that I was "whining" and needed to shut up and be more grateful, even when I was "whining" that he took so many pills that he forgot me having to stop his suicide attempt, and I got angry when I mention that event and he went "what are you talking about?", I thought he was gaslighting me at first, but I later realized the combo of drugs he was on and his own severe mental instability had actually blocked that memory out from his stupid fucking head, but I was wrong for getting upset because "it's not my fault I don't remember". Not even the point, the point is I was raised that expressing emotions of any kind was a direct affront to my father that would not be taken lightly by him, and I VERY MUCH internalized that. It took me 18 months after his death to be able to shed a single tear about the situation, and even then it was tears of anger, and I had to force myself to cry, it was like my head was a hot air balloon of a whole lifetime of emotions and pain I had locked away and wanted to let it out but I couldn't, then when I did let it out, it hurt so much, that I wanted to numb it all away again, and that's when the drinking got really bad. I am 9 months sober after almost dying from anemia caused by a severe long term gastric bleed caused by my drinking (they consider the life threatening range for your hemoglobin level anything below about 7-8, yea, mine was 3.4 when i got to the hospital, it took 7 bags of blood just to bring me up to barely stable), and it left me with some liver scaring, I was so desperate to not feel all the pain that I drowned it, and now I'm finally having to come up for air, and oh boy. I feel like I have no idea who I am. Where does the me that my parents molded me into end and the me that is my true self begin. Will I ever be able to enjoy my interests without the deep seeded shame I have for stuff like watching anime that I have from my dad quite literally calling me a pussy for liking anime. I got a hunter x hunter charm necklace thing and I've been wearing it and I like it, but I still am so incredibly self conscious about it because of the time I tried to wear a necklace in like 5th grade and my dad said it made me look "faggy", which is absolutely fucking insane because my dad was genuinely not homophobic, my aunt was gay and she was frankly the only one of his siblings he actually liked, he didn't have a bigoted bone in his body, but what he meant is "girls won't go for you if you wear that", but fuck you, I was in 5th grade and (very much due to the emotional repression) I wouldn't get truly interested in dating until, let me check, NOW. I had a long term girlfriend through high school and college who was my first love, but we only started dating because she asked me out, I have never made the first move on a girl a single time in my life, I've quite literally never flirted. My whole life, I have been so scared of relationships because the only one I saw was my parents godless nightmare of a marriage where they were "staying together for me" even when I was in high school ACTIVELY ASKING THEM TO GET DIVORCED, because they were such fucking nightmares. I have always thought that whatever good feelings of love and fulfillment I would get from a relationship would never outweigh the pain that would come along with the fights, and only now that I'm finally starting to break through the layers of repressed emotions and that I've dried out off of the booze am I finally starting to feel different. The thing that is so hard is, I've just pushed all my feelings and all my pain down so deep for my entire life, that now the emotions are all coming at once, and good God I just can't handle it sometimes. I also got diagnosed as bipolar type 2 today, just like dear old dad, still sending gifts up from hell, just in time for my birthday too. The pain, the feeling that I have missed out on so much of my life by being to afraid of getting hurt to allow myself to have anything good. I feel like I've missed out on so much of life because of that bastard, and now I'm 25, I barely recognize myself when I look in the mirror, and I am trying to basically rebuild myself from the ground up after I almost died and got sober, and I am basically by myself dealing with it (very long story, but basically because of his death, our family business went under and my mom and I had to move to her hometown, in with my aunt and uncle, and I have no friends here and I am not close with my family and they are a bunch of judgmental Bible thumpers who basically think I'm a degenerate for drinking and a snowflake for my mental health issues), and I just feel so deeply intensely alone. I was so numbed for my entire life, that I didn't even actually know you could feel emotions this intense, the way that the sorrow just feels like a bottomless hole in your chest, and all I want is to feel like someone cares about me and that I matter. My mom is here with me, and she is doing her best, but if you can't tell from the post, she isn't exactly blameless in the cause of the issue, so that is kind of a double edged sword. I try and keep in touch with my friends from my hometown, but they're busy with their lives and they don't always have the time, plus I always feel like I'm putting them out when I need their help (there's that trauma again). I'm in therapy and I just went up to twice a week, but that still only helps so much. I even want to start dating again, but I'm stuck in a small town in the middle of nowhere in south Alabama, where the dating pool isn't exactly huge, and gets widdled down a LOT more when you take into account that I'm an agnostic democrat. God, every day I ask myself, why isn't he still here, so I can let out all of this pent up emotion and pain onto the person who actually deserves it, but even then I know it wouldn't make me feel better. So as I'm finally starting to be able to even have emotions again, I'm reminded why I wanted to numb them all away. I just feel alone, and like I don't even know who I am, and that who I am might not be the person I wanted to be, and there's a healthy dose of self hatred mixed in, and all I want is for someone to hold me and tell me it will be OK, because I know it will, but God damn it why does it just have to be so damn hard sometimes. Why did he have to die without me ever getting to tell him how he hurt me to his face. How could he rob me of that. He got to die with the last thing I said to him being that I loved him, and I have to take to my grave that the last thing that I ever said to my father was a lie.
Edit: TLDR: Abusive dad caused me to be so emotionally repressed that when he died I became an alcoholic to numb the pain and now that I'm sober and chipping away at the emotional repression, I feel an entire lifetimes worth of emotions hitting me all at once and it is incredibly overwhelming and has left me feeling like I don't know who I am and that I am all alone just picking up the scraps of my life, while not even knowing what the life I'm picking up even looks like. I just wish he was still alive so I could tell him all the things I didn't get a chance too while he was alive. All the awful, hurtful, painful, gut wrenching things I would say to him.

Hi all!! Kicked molloscum after 3 months. I got it back in November, didn’t know what it was, shaved, it spread like wild fire, ignored it, until 3 months ago when this sub lit a fire under my ass. It has been so helpful and I want to thank all of you. Here is what I did that worked really well. For reference I had at the most probably 60 molloscum at one time, all in my vagina area extending to my inner thighs and near my bum. I started doing these things all at once so I don’t know what worked and what didn’t, but I will say if I had to bet the two things I think made the biggest difference was extraction and acyclovir. Def get a script for it and start doing some pseudo surgery on yourself.
1.Extract!!! I can’t stress this enough. I started with cryo and it worked (ish) but once I started extracting I saw crazy progress. I can go into detail of my progress in the comments if you guys want but my biggest tips are be obsessive with the isopropyl alcohol and use tweezers to pull the whole core out at once. Place a pimple patch on them after.

1. Cryo. I had a standing appointment w my gyno every 2 weeks and she’d cryo any new ones I didn’t see, but I found what worked best was when I would extract them and then she would cryo whatever bump or scar or scab that was leftover. This was probably overkill but I don’t care. There’s nothing you shouldn’t do when dealing w this.
   
2. Pimple patches on them as much as possible, especially after extracting. Bought a pack of 120, kept them in the bathroom, would put new ones on daily.
   
3. Change my underwear 2-3x a day. Shower twice a day. Wash my sheets weekly. I used to sleep naked but never would. Washing my pants after every use. No robes. Only naked right after a shower and then immediately put undies on. No lotion anywhere on my body except my face. Avoid any cross contact with the infected area and anywhere else. Or any cross contact with suspected non infected areas. Be crazy about it.
   
4. No masterbating or touching my vagina ever. I used to touch my vagina make sure shit was alright probably once a day before, but w molloscum I literally acted as if I did not own a vagina at all. Like there was nothing between my legs. Like a Barbie. (Obviously no sex ether) this is mas important too bc when you touch your vagina you risk scratching the bumps and spreading them and when you Masterbate your wetness, sweat, or cum if you’re a boy can spread it too.
   
5. Keep nails shorts so it can’t ever get under your nails and spread to other parts of your body.
   
6. ACYCLOVIR!!!! I read about there being evidence that this worked, asked my dr and she said she’d never heard of that usage but I asked her to write me script anyways and I took it twice a day for the past month and a half. Made me very lightheaded, I lost my appetite, and it made me feel like shit in general for the first 2 weeks but I powered through and then got used to it.
   
7. Sleep good and lower stress. I made an effort to sleep a lot and really actively tried to manage my stress levels (I’m in college both of these things were HARD) worth it!
   
8. Research the fuck out of molloscum. I probably dedicated 30-40 hours researching molloscum on this sub, studies, articles, and other forums. This was really helpful to know what to ask the drs for and to create my own treatment plan bc my dr, although lovely, only suggested the marginally effective cryo. You need to advocate for yourself and know A LOT about this virus if you want to kick it. be obsessive 🫣
   
9. No shaving or waxing (duh). I wasn’t Hu w anyone so there was no need to shave so I would let it grow and then when I needed visibility I would trim real good and carefully w scissors. Pro tip: squeeze the skin of where you’re trying to trim with your other hand and you can get a much closer cut at the weird angles. I did apprehensively use veet in the past month on my vagina, no spreading from what I can tell and god did it feel good to have a bare vagina (albeit it was only patches of a bare vagina) after months of bush.
   

I haven’t got a bump at all in about a month and I want to shave/wax but I’m literally terrified they will come back. Anyone have experience with this??? Lmk💓💓

This has been happening for a few years now. But I'll explain how it all started, and how it's been going on.
In 2019, at the beginning of the pandemic, I started visiting the house of a high school friend. A friend told me she was single, so I went to visit her. We got along great, me and her family, and we stayed together for 60 straight days, watching movies during the pandemic since we couldn't go out. In the beginning, there were three of us staying up together at night: her 15-year-old sister, who is now 19, my 28-year-old fiancée, who is the same age as me, and me. We three were very close, but my fiancée already had feelings for me. I said I didn't want to date, but things happened, and now we've been together for 4 years. Where am I going with this? During these 4 years, many things have happened. One of them is that her sister, since she was 15, kept saying she loved me and was always clinging to me, hugging me, asking for hugs. Her family asked me to let her be, saying it was normal and that she was affectionate, and I complied.
Two years into the relationship, despite dealing with deep depression and almost attempting suicide a few times, I started taking medication and thought it was just confusion in my head. But I always responded more to her, the younger sister. I always had an instinct to provide more support. For example, I set up her first computer (we live in poverty), gave her a desk, an office chair for better studying conditions. Whereas my fiancée has different needs that I can't meet right now, like a good job to build a house and get married (we haven't had sex in 4 years because she's a believer and will only do it after marriage - which is fine by me, but clearly, this isn't working).
During this time, other things happened too, like prolonged eye contact between me and this younger sister. There have also been moments of physical intimacy where she puts her legs on mine when we're up late watching TV (which she wouldn't do in front of her mom and sister). But make no mistake, up to this point, we've never done anything. We haven't kissed or anything. There's a lot of loyalty between the parties involved - me, the family, and my fiancée. My fiancée knows about this situation. She seems not to care and says her sister has always seen me as a brother-in-law and possibly a brother. But there was also a moment when I was caressing both, one on my left and the other on my right, and as humans, we know when there's a difference in touch. At some point, I felt a sexual tension between me and her. So, I know she's cautious because we all respect each other. But for me, it's a too conflicting situation. I've taken it to therapy, I've talked to my fiancée, her sister herself knows because I've exposed myself before, and she said, "I don't like him like that," although her actions don't align with that explanation. There are boundaries here that should have been set before, and I'm working on them, but I can't help but think that my feelings are genuine and strong towards this person. I love this family; they mean everything to me. I can't abandon a 4-year relationship with someone I love to be with that person's sister (hurting everyone involved), especially when I'm not sure if we'd have a healthy relationship. Besides, it's unthinkable to imagine what future interactions would be like.
There's something missing in my current relationship. There's no fire, no passion... but I don't know how to make that happen without sex... especially when there's already a sexual tension between me and another human being... please don't blame me, don't blame my sister-in-law, and don't blame the family for us getting to this point. We're humans; we weren't born with a manual. We're poor people trying to achieve happiness without hurting anyone. There are no wrong people here; let's not point fingers. I just can't control my feelings.

I’m 24F. This December I took a plan B contraception pill & noticed a very faint constant ring in both ears 3 days after having taken the pill. It scared the crap out of me as I am a hypochondriac. The next morning it had gone.
Fast forward 3 weeks later to January, and long story short I took another plan B pill in spite of crying all night and ‘knowing’ it was a bad bad idea.
… 3 days after taking it… ear ring again. I was in Puerto Rico at the time and even experienced my first bout of motion sickness from being in the car driving up those crazy mountain roads… never have had motion sickness prior to that. I just prayed the ring would go away as it had the first time.
Well, now it’s May and if anything the tinnitus has gotten worse :( It’s louder in my left ear & I experience spikes in my left ear (but sometimes even louder ones in my right- just far less frequently). I have been to OBGYN, PCP, & ENT. None of them seem to think Plan B was the cause. I also have high blood pressure, I vape, & I was taking buspar for my anxiety. They seem to think it is more likely to be buspar… The ENT also informed me that I have jaw popping, TMJ/TMD. This is news to me, but not unexpected as I clench my jaw when I’m anxious & I’m always anxious.
I got off the buspar per Dr’s suggestion; she said 2 months to know if it has an impact on T. However, I don’t even believe it was cause of T in the first place. I am an anxious wreck :( I had habituated to the initial sound level after 2 weeks of freaking out that I had done this to myself, but the T is still getting worse. I’m terrified of all meds now& I need psych meds and maybe upcoming antibiotics for another health issue (vaginal tmi). I’m just so stressed and disappointed in myself for alll of this.
I’m supposed to go to Europe in a month and attend a few psychtrance music festival of which have been my dreammmmmmmm for years now. (Egons embrace☺️🫢🤯😩❤️‍🔥) But this T worry and all my health worries are terrifying me and destroying me.
I’m even scared of drinking alcohol. This all is threatening to ruin everything I care about. I’ve been off psych meds, as I said, for a month now; I’m really struggling. I’m going back on Pristiq as I know it did not cause tinnitus & worked ok for my anxiety. But it had a different (unwelcome) side effect.
Has anybody had a similar experience? None of the drs seem to think it was plan B even though it was the only variable with direct correlation. Not to mention it is a huge dose of synthetic hormone that I put into my body twice within the span of a month :’( Now I fear alll of my other health problems are simply exacubating the damage from plan B (TMJ, blood pressure, buspar, vaping , poor mental health, etc) :( Any advice about anything I have mentioned is cherished. Are antibiotics safe ? Is anything? :( I just reallly don’t want to make the same mistake of taking a med (or doing something) that will harm me😔🥺💔 I’m really trying to be healthier and grateful for what I have, but it feels like an impossible feat with all these concerns & this guilt I carry. I’m lost in worry. I don’t wish for T to get worse. I want to make progress with my wellbeing.
Also reccomendations for good earplugs would be so appreciated!!! I have small ears— I struggle to get the foam ones in properly.
Yours, A very stressed and and worried and struggling tweak.

When I moved from sublingual pills (8mg/day) to subq injections (3.5 mg/day) my social anxiety went through the roof. My question is why. I'm a really social person and make friends easily, but literally the day after my first injection (after being on pills for a while), my social anxiety was unbearable. I had a lot of trouble talking to my friends (just couldnt think), I could barely leave my house, even getting groceries was difficult. After going back on pills it got better. Whats the problem here? My levels on injections are 275 pg/ml, and idk what my pill levels were, they tended to fluctuate so my doctor stopped ordering labs.

Not sure if this can even be termed as Islamaphobia but I wanted to share this..
Alhamdulillah I live in the US, in a city that has a LOT of Muslims! The city I live in is very known to have the a lot of Muslims in the US.. anyways, we live in a court/cul-de-sac, and at least 60% of my neighborhood is Muslim. There are many nice non-Muslims too. Anyways, the other day at night around 10 pm, we could hear loud screaming outside. It was so loud that im sure it disturbed all the neighbors. From our bedroom window, we have a perfect view of the entire neighborhood court and can also hear everything. One of our neighbors, a white non-Muslim lady most likely in her 30s or 40s was walking around looking very obviously drunk. She was screaming slurs about Muslims and cursing all Muslims out. Saying the B word, F word, calling Muslims c**ts, and "Go back to your country" and so many more terrible things which I cannot even remember anymore. No one was outside except her but im sure all the neighbors could hear bc she was so loud. It was terrifying. The lady knows this neighborhood is mostly Muslim. All the while she was speaking, she was also randomly pointing at houses as well cursing us out.
Anyways, Isha is very late at the masjid now and my dad usually comes home late after mingling with masjid friends, so during all of this, we see my dad's car pull up into the court slowly. The lady approaches my dad's car and goes to his window. My dad is the type of person who is not good at reading the room, so I immediately called him to tell him to not say anything to the lady and be careful, but his phone was at home, not with him. Afterwards, my dad came home, and we told him that he shouldn't have said anything to her. All of us neighbors pretty much know eachother and we know she lives with her dad. My dad said something like "Go home and be good to your dad." Like I said, my dad is not the best at reading the room or knowing what to say when. Because why would he mention her dad so randomly? Also, our garage was like open about 2 feet up, bc my uncle and dad were finishing up fixing our car. All the other neighbors garages were closed. This is relevant bc this most likely made her think our family or my dad called the police on her. We did not.
Anyways, this lady's screaming kept going for a while, and she finally went back inside the house. Then, we see 3 cop cars pull into our neighborhood and 5 policemen go to her house. One of our neighbors called the police most likely. Or her father called the police. Apparently she and her father fight a lot, so this isn't the first time the police have come. Anyways, they obviously don't arrest her or anything, and about 20 mins later, the police leave.
Now, 2 days later, tonight at around 9:45 pm, we get a ring at our doorbell. When we open the door, it's that lady. Me and my mom both open the door. The lady says, "are there any men here?". My dad was at the masjid, and there were no men in the house. Only my mom, sis, and grandma. So I said, "No." Before I tell you the rest of the conversation, keep in mind, the entire time she talked to us she was cursing, constantly using the F word and just talking plain old rude. My mom later told me she was drunk again. The lady said, "Are you sure there's no man?" I said "No not now." She continues, "because the other day I was walking around the neighborhood and there was this man..", she also said something like, "because if I find out that you're lying then.."! At that, I clarified, "there's no man here right now, but yes, a man, my father also does live here." She accusedly points at me and yells, "So you WERE LYING?!" I said, "No, you asked if a man is here, not if a man LIVES here. That's why we said no at first." She says rudely, "Honey, no, what you're doing is putting words in my mouth!" She said some other things but it's all blurred bc it was so sudden and scary, and she's taller than me (im 5 ft!), clearly drunk, and starts pointing at me and getting wayyy too scarily close to me. According to my mom, she looked like she was ready to throw hands. At this, my mom quickly closes the door because we felt threatened. And the lady cursed again and went back home. The conversation was clearly not gonna go anywhere. I got upset that my mom closed the door though bc I said we could've finished the conversation off by just apologizing and that we will make sure my dad doesn't get into her business again. But before I got a chance to, my mom got too scared and closed the door.
All in all, I feel really scared. After that, we were all shaking. I felt like crying. I feel frustrated because we could've easily had a conversation that ended all this tension by simply us apologizing by "going in her business", but now the situation is worse instead because she most likely thinks we called the cops on her. She also thinks we're liars bc we "lied" about a man not being there. She hates Muslims, and this made her hate us more. My dad should NOT have talked to her that night and should've minded his own business. She seemed most upset at that. Which i understand. Everyone should just mind theirbown business, and my dad thought he was being helpful or something, but that obviosuly triggered her since her realtionship with her dad isnt good. At one point she said something like, "and don't even get me started on your religion, because I have so much to say about that."
Anyways, I can't believe such people exist who have this deep of a hate for Muslims. I don't know what to do about this situation..

Not sure if this can even be termed as Islamaphobia but I wanted to share this..
Alhamdulillah I live in the US, in a city that has a LOT of Muslims! The city I live in is very known to have the a lot of Muslims in the US.. anyways, we live in a court/cul-de-sac, and at least 60% of my neighborhood is Muslim. There are many nice non-Muslims too. Anyways, the other day at night around 10 pm, we could hear loud screaming outside. It was so loud that im sure it disturbed all the neighbors. From our bedroom window, we have a perfect view of the entire neighborhood court and can also hear everything. One of our neighbors, a white non-Muslim lady most likely in her 30s or 40s was walking around looking very obviously drunk. She was screaming slurs about Muslims and cursing all Muslims out. Saying the B word, F word, calling Muslims c**ts, and "Go back to your country" and so many more terrible things which I cannot even remember anymore. No one was outside except her but im sure all the neighbors could hear bc she was so loud. It was terrifying. The lady knows this neighborhood is mostly Muslim. All the while she was speaking, she was also randomly pointing at houses as well cursing us out.
Anyways, Isha is very late at the masjid now and my dad usually comes home late after mingling with masjid friends, so during all of this, we see my dad's car pull up into the court slowly. The lady approaches my dad's car and goes to his window. My dad is the type of person who is not good at reading the room, so I immediately called him to tell him to not say anything to the lady and be careful, but his phone was at home, not with him. Afterwards, my dad came home, and we told him that he shouldn't have said anything to her. All of us neighbors pretty much know eachother and we know she lives with her dad. My dad said something like "Go home and be good to your dad." Like I said, my dad is not the best at reading the room or knowing what to say when. Because why would he mention her dad so randomly? Also, our garage was like open about 2 feet up, bc my uncle and dad were finishing up fixing our car. All the other neighbors garages were closed. This is relevant bc this most likely made her think our family or my dad called the police on her. We did not.
Anyways, this lady's screaming kept going for a while, and she finally went back inside the house. Then, we see 3 cop cars pull into our neighborhood and 5 policemen go to her house. One of our neighbors called the police most likely. Or her father called the police. Apparently she and her father fight a lot, so this isn't the first time the police have come. Anyways, they obviously don't arrest her or anything, and about 20 mins later, the police leave.
Now, 2 days later, tonight at around 9:45 pm, we get a ring at our doorbell. When we open the door, it's that lady. Me and my mom both open the door. The lady says, "are there any men here?". My dad was at the masjid, and there were no men in the house. Only my mom, sis, and grandma. So I said, "No." Before I tell you the rest of the conversation, keep in mind, the entire time she talked to us she was cursing, constantly using the F word and just talking plain old rude. My mom later told me she was drunk again. The lady said, "Are you sure there's no man?" I said "No not now." She continues, "because the other day I was walking around the neighborhood and there was this man..", she also said something like, "because if I find out that you're lying then.."! At that, I clarified, "there's no man here right now, but yes, a man, my father also does live here." She accusedly points at me and yells, "So you WERE LYING?!" I said, "No, you asked if a man is here, not if a man LIVES here. That's why we said no at first." She says rudely, "Honey, no, what you're doing is putting words in my mouth!" She said some other things but it's all blurred bc it was so sudden and scary, and she's taller than me (im 5 ft!), clearly drunk, and starts pointing at me and getting wayyy too scarily close to me. According to my mom, she looked like she was ready to throw hands. At this, my mom quickly closes the door because we felt threatened. And the lady cursed again and went back home. The conversation was clearly not gonna go anywhere. I got upset that my mom closed the door though bc I said we could've finished the conversation off by just apologizing and that we will make sure my dad doesn't get into her business again. But before I got a chance to, my mom got too scared and closed the door.
All in all, I feel really scared. After that, we were all shaking. I felt like crying. I feel frustrated because we could've easily had a conversation that ended all this tension by simply us apologizing by "going in her business", but now the situation is worse instead because she most likely thinks we called the cops on her. She also thinks we're liars bc we "lied" about a man not being there. She hates Muslims, and this made her hate us more. My dad should NOT have talked to her that night and should've minded his own business. She seemed most upset at that. Which i understand. Everyone should just mind theirbown business, and my dad thought he was being helpful or something, but that obviosuly triggered her since her realtionship with her dad isnt good. At one point she said something like, "and don't even get me started on your religion, because I have so much to say about that."
Anyways, I can't believe such people exist who have this deep of a hate for Muslims. I don't know what to do about this situation..

This one is actually fairly simple, I promise. In fact, this killer was born because I saw a comment in the main DBD sub that said only three of the 36 available killers were listed as "easy," so I decided to challenge myself to make one that could also be rated as "easy," with a simple power.
I've been struggling with figuring out how to do an idea I've wanted to make for a while, a killer whose touch was the most dangerous thing about them; I have in my mind the image of a killer who only has to put a single finger against a prop to break it, owing to some cursed touch they have. I went the route of decay and rot for a while, thinking up stuff a la Phage the Untouchable from MtG, then I pondered tapping into a really niche hit with Quachil Uttaus, the Treader in the Dust, a minor eldritch entity from the Cthulhu Mythos, but that one will likely be saved for a more complex take on the same idea. Don't yell at me when I basically post the same killer twice, but one with more bells and whistles.
I eventually settled on a gender-reversed take on King Midas, as I also have a sore lack of female killers in my fanmade roster (I have more genderless nightmare monsters than women). I believe in unhinged lady's rights, and so from that comes the Avarice. I only have a rough grasp on her overall appearance, but I know her left arm has been dramatically altered; her skin is solid gold, but not in a beautiful, elegant way; it's more like she dipped her arm in a molten vat and pulled it back out before it could fully incinerate her. Body horror as Entity thorns and spines jut from below the flesh, the thorns also transmuted into gold. Her body is run through by veins that pulse precious metal throughout her form. Gemstones grow like tumors and warts on her corrupt arm and rarely across her body, including one on the back of her left hand which looks more like an eye than anything else. Her left eye has been completely replaced by a bloody gemstone.
Despite what appears to be a grievous and horrid transformation, she has an air of playfulness in what she does. Her wall-breaking animation is her spinning her hand around before giving the wall a single, gentle poke with a single finger. She gently flicks generators to damage them. Her pallet break animation is grabbing the thing and sinking her fingers into it, letting her power shatter it. About the only thing that isn't playful is her stun animation, in which she's absolutely furious, where she growls and hisses, the sound joined by a chorus from the living jewelry she wears. Whenever she interacts destructively with a prop, veins of corrupt gold and silver boil across the surface she's touching until it breaks.
110% speed. 32 meter terror radius. Medium height (Pig height)
--Power: Gilded Transmutation. Pressing the ability button causes the Avarice to hold her cursed hand forward and begin to laugh. She laughs continuously for the 8 seconds she remains in her 'transmutation stance,' signaling all nearby survivors that the power is in play. While Transmutation is active, the Avarice moves 5% faster, and she can end the ability early to perform a special lunging attack which follows the logic of a normal M1 lunge. If she strikes a dropped pallet or breakable wall with the lunge, the impediment is destroyed after 0.80 seconds by her curse.
Upon striking a survivor, that survivor gains their sprint burst as if they had been damaged, and is afflicted with Golden Death. After 60 seconds pass, if the survivor is reduced to the dying state through any means, or if the survivor is struck with Gilded Transmutation a second time, the survivor is wracked with pain and screams as golden tendrils slither across their bodies and engulf them until they're a Gilt Statue. 7 seconds after becoming a statue, sacrifice progress begins as if the survivor had been hooked. If the survivor was on top of a prop, inside a locker, mid-vault, in midair, or otherwise not in contact with the ground when their timer ran out, the survivor staggers towards the nearest empty patch of ground that is at least 2 meters from any interactible props before transforming.
Anti-camp measures affect survivors transmuted gilt statues; they can break free of the transmutation at any stage if the Avarice spends too long within 16 meters of them. A survivor that dies from the transmutation is claimed by the Entity and pulled into the ground. Another survivor can free a transmuted survivor by taking 3 seconds to pull at the gruesome metal enough to free the trapped victim's limbs, after which they free themselves.
After hitting a survivor with Gilded Transmutation, the Avarice is slowed by 30% and cannot attack for 2.5 seconds as she giggles to herself. If she hits a pallet or wall, she is slowed by 15% and cannot attack for 1.5 seconds as she brushes wood scraps off her hand. If she impacts terrain or obstacles with her lunge, or misses completely, she is slowed by 20% and cannot attack for 2 seconds as she rages impotently. Gilded Transmutation has a cooldown of 35 seconds.
--Passive: Golden Rings. Four special rings mold themselves from the Fog at the beginning of the trial. Survivors can see the auras of these rings if they're within 24 meters of one, or from any distance if they're affected with Golden Death.
A survivor can stand over a ring and pick it up as if it were an item, wearing it on their right hand. A special icon pops up on their portrait (visible to other survivors, but not the killer) to show they have a ring. A survivor with a ring on has a band on their right hand which visibly glimmers every now and again when the survivor is in chase.
A survivor wearing a ring that is struck by Gilded Transmutation loses a health state, and their ring is destroyed, but they are not affected by Golden Death. A survivor affected by Golden Death who picks up a ring is locked in place for 2.5 seconds as the ring counteracts and ends the curse, then crumbles away. A survivor who is wearing a ring can slip it onto the finger of a transmuted survivor, which frees them in 0.75 seconds and destroys the ring. A ring on a survivor's finger is destroyed if they're reduced to the dying state or otherwise grabbed.
Rings take 45 seconds to respawn, and will attempt to respawn at least 32 meters from any survivor.
See? Simple! Sort of. ... Okay, this is logically probably a medium-difficulty killer, but in my head it's no more hard to grasp than Legion; you do a special lunge attack that either damages survivors (if they have a ring) or curses them (if they don't) and clears obstacles super quickly. The auto-hook mechanic returns again, as well, but this time it requires a special prop to end it early!
The primary tactics here are to either hit someone with the curse and then force them to scamper off and find a ring, which means they aren't doing gens; hit someone with the curse and then chase them for 30 seconds until the cooldown is done, then hit them again to instantly transmute them; OR hit them with the curse, then down them with two basic attacks to transmute them, using the transmutation to swiftly break obstacles in your path.
ADD-ONS
COMMON

1. Tarnished Silver: Golden rings respawn 5 seconds faster, and Golden Death takes 5 seconds longer to trigger. Double the bloodpoint reward for score events with Gilded Transmutation.
2. Golden File: The Avarice remains in her transmutation stance for 1 additional second.
3. Shattered Earrings: The Avarice moves 2% faster while in her transmutation stance.
4. Cracked Sapphire: The cooldown for hitting terrain or missing Gilded Transmutation is reduced by 0.5 seconds.

UNCOMMON

1. Gilt Hooks: The lunge distance of Gilded Transmutation is increased by 40%.
2. Polishing Rag: Gilded Transmutation's cooldown is reduced by 4 seconds.
3. Transmuted Lead: Golden Death triggers 5 seconds sooner, and the grace period is 1 second shorter.
4. Twisted Necklace: The Avarice moves 4% faster while in her transmutation stance.
5. Slag Pile: Golden rings take 5 more seconds to respawn and will attempt to spawn 4 meters further from survivors.

RARE

1. Greed's Toll: A survivor that performs a conspicuous action within 10 seconds of being unhooked becomes affected by Golden Death.
2. Gilt Scraps: The Avarice remains in her transmutation stance for 3 additional seconds.
3. Gnarled Rings: The Avarice moves 6% faster while in her transmutation stance.
4. Old Jewelry Box: Damaging a healthy survivor with a basic attack while they're wearing a golden ring destroys the ring.
5. Perfectly-Cut Ruby: Gilded Transmutation's cooldown is reduced by 8 seconds.

VERY RARE

1. Twisted Jewelry Box: The cooldown animations for Gilded Transmutation are all 0.5 seconds shorter. Reduces the speed penalty the Avarice suffers while in her cooldown animation by 5%.
2. Thorn Ring: The Avarice moves 5% faster while in her transmutation stance, and her transmutation stance lasts 3 additional seconds.
3. Weight of Gilt: Whenever a survivor becomes affected by Golden Death or is fully transmuted, all other survivors within 32 meters of that survivor become incapacitated for 5 seconds.
4. Appraisal Lens: Survivors outside the Avarice's terror radius cannot move their cameras completely off the aura of the nearest transmuted survivor.

IRIDESCENT

1. Iridescent Diamond: Breaking a pallet or wall does not end Gilded Transmutation, though it still forces the Avarice into her cooldown animation.
2. Malignant Gem Tumor: If you are further than 32 meters from a transmuted survivor, other survivors which free that transmuted survivor without using a ring are affected by Golden Death.

PERKS
Ravenous Want: It doesn't matter what it is or what it does; if someone wants it, you want it more. This perk activates while you're within 8 meters of an item on the ground or a chest and remains active for 4 seconds after leaving this radius. While this perk is active, the cooldown for your successful basic attacks is reduced by 24%.
Terrifying Rage: The sound you unleash when you're pained is so shockingly inhuman that anyone nearby is filled with supernatural fear. Whenever you are stunned through any means, all survivors within 18 meters of you become incapacitated for 5 seconds. Then, Terrifying Rage goes on cooldown for 20 seconds.
ALTERNATE: Affects all survivors in your terror radius, but the cooldown is 45 seconds.
Hex: Webs of Gold: An insidious sloth twines itself over those who find themselves seduced by greed, making it hard to concentrate on what truly matters. Whenever a survivor opens a chest, sabotages a gook, picks up a non-killer item, or cleanses any totem while this Hex stands, they become cursed for 20 seconds. While cursed by this Hex, they suffer a 14% penalty to repair and healing speeds. When this Hex totem is cleansed, the survivor who cleansed it is cursed for 35 seconds.

This is really hard to write out but I’m throwing this into the void to see if anyone has made it out of this. I need some hope right now. TW for discussion of relationship trauma.
I am in my mid twenties. I have had anxious tendencies since I was a child, but had a very good childhood despite some pretty intense “eldest daughter syndrome.” I take 25 mg of hydroxyzine as needed but i feel like it doesn’t do anything anymore— something I will need to discuss with my provider.
For four years, I lived with a boyfriend who was made very uncomfortable by expressions of emotion. When I felt anxious or cried, he would insist I needed to be fixed by more therapy, wait for me to cry it out alone in a room, or simply sit there and not say anything. As time passed, my emotions would grow bigger and bigger. Every emotion I had I would begin to doubt which led to a spiral as I sat there wondering what was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I be normal? He didn’t want me to come to family or friend gatherings anymore but wouldn’t tell me until the last minute because he knew I would have a big reaction— and I did because very suddenly I would be told he didn’t want me around and that I would be left behind in an empty apartment with no car and at the time no friends in my area. I would begin to have panic attacks as I scrambled to apologize for how I am and for being disappointed and for the fact that I was showing emotion in front of him. He would leave me on the floor and describe this to me and others in overly simple terms. Things like “she gets upset when I go out,” neglecting the complexity of why I was reacting how I was.
In those four years I was treated like a feral animal that had somehow escaped its cage and I started to believe it.
That relationship ended some time ago. I want to come back to the real world so bad but it feels like a minefield and I feel like a ghost of fear that wears my skin. I still feel like that feral animal. I show traits of separation anxiety because that fear of being left behind was so solidified in me it drives a lot of the choices I make. I’m not a bad person. I’m not upset that people in my life go on trips and have fun with others, but I feel like that’s how I come off. When I feel myself unable to contain my emotions, I feel so much shame I spiral out almost immediately. I want to bite and bark at anyone who comes close to remove the possibility that they could leave me alone again.
Do you think there’s a way out of this? It’s so heavy to carry and I’m so tired. I know deep down that I’m worthy of love but I’m so scared to believe anyone who offers it to me.

He told them still another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into about sixty pounds of flour until it worked all through the dough.” (Matthew 13:33)
The current wave of dysphoria has lingered longer and deeper than previous ones that I remember. In a strange way I've come to appreciate these periods of clarity where I get to encounter the self that is mostly closeted and suppressed.
By co-incidence, my wife is navigating peri-menopause and the doctor has prescribed HRT patches. She has found that they do not agree with her and cause all kinds of problems, so they've been sitting in the cupboard.
Yesterday, I did a thing. I've been sorely wanting to do it ever since she received the prescription. But finally, I opened the packet, and slapped a patch on my thigh. Don't ask me the make or the dose. I have not looked. If I had to consider those things, I would simply never do it, and then I would never know!... And No!... this is not a devotional about Eve taking the apple in the garden of Eden!
After putting it on: I developed a slight dull headache almost immediately, but that dissipated after an hour. I felt slightly dizzy, but maybe I should not have had a second cup of coffee in the morning. Somewhere in the day I felt as though the skin around the private parts had contracted somewhat and become wrinkly and rubbery. It felt a little bit achy as well. But after an hour or so they were back to normal. Damn!
When I went to bed, I could not sleep.
This was for two reasons:
My brain was in overdrive. What have I done! I don't think I want to take this patch off! ... Or more accurately... I am going to keep slapping them on! This was never the plan! My plan was to lose 60 lbs of weight first. Then I would seriously talk to the family, request an appointment with a gender clinic. There is a 3 year waiting list in the part of the country where I live. Perhaps I would then try to bridge the waiting period by using a private gender medical service. In the mean-time I would use the time to re-skill and find a job where I would not be fired for transitioning.
The other reason why I could not sleep was because there was a distinct ache in my chest (breast tissues). I could not find a comfortable sleep position, curled up on my side as I usually do. Even just moving the duvet over my chest felt rough and painful. I'm not sure if it is my imagination, but in the morning light they look and feel bigger, fuller, tighter, with the nipples standing quite stiff.
O Shit! What have I done!
She's being let out! She's been closeted for so long and as dawn breaks, she's seeing the light of day! It won't be long then it may finally not just be "he/him". Together it will be they them! ... Like yeast it is, this E! Powerful stuff! Like the Kingdom of Heaven in all its queer glory!

I have always had asthma from a very young age, It was usually a couple of really bad flair ups during the year which would pass within a few days.
However recently (from August) they started getting worse, and they last really long. I got sick from traveling and had laryngitis which made my asthma go off track and even lost my voice for 2 weeks.
I keep thinking maybe that's the reason my asthma is really bad, but i got an x-ray and the doctor said everything looks good. My current asthma flare-up has been going on for about 4 weeks ( recent 2 of which very mild) I have been to the clinic about 4 times this week taking the nebulizer and it makes me feel better, however when I switch back to my ventolin (2 disc puffs) or even try the nebuliser at home ( 1ml ventolin solution + 2ml saline solution) I do not feel better. I have also seen Asthma Specialists who told me its very normal this time of year due to weather changing ( Its horrible here!) and they also told me that there are alot of people like me, but it's still not comforting knowing I am not improving!
They also put me on Montelukast (for 60 days currently been about 2.5 weeks) and also took a course of Prednisolone (40mg for 5 days) which none of which seemed to be helping.
I am also taking Zyrtec allergy tablets every night, also using nasal spray when feeling congested. I sleep with an Air Purifier always and keep it on when I am at home. I clean the air conditioning filters very often too.
Not sure what's left to do at this point!

I tried looking at the difference what we maybe lost when we switch to 60fps and performance mode make a lot of screenshots for example Sarah while talking in both modes. Maybe when i saw right the shadows are idk 10% more less looks a little bit more fade and when you zoom in you see more pixels (mostly i find around the eyes while graphic mode still sharp by zoomed in) in the mercury tower your home light on the oven is weird in performance mode but when you normal play honestly they made a good job and you see maybe beside resolution no difference.
What do you prefer (i cant still decide)
Graphics mode with 30 still? Graphics with 60 fps against the warning in the game? 60 fps performance mode? Maybe 30 and performance mode?
What is your way you like to play?

Most of my life I had a blood pressure that averaged 80-90 on the top number and 40-60 on the bottom. No symptoms, no problems. I was healthy and active and ate a healthy diet. I still eat healthy, but I am a smoker.
Now here’s where it gets confusing for the doctors. Once my blood pressure started to inch up little by little, I began to have symptoms that seemed to be heart failure. Even had several blood tests show something the heart releases when it’s failing. After 10 years I finally have what is a “normal” blood pressure for most people and I keep having heart failure symptoms.
Every night when I lie down my heart rhythm goes out of whack, heavy breathing and pounding heart after the rhythm straightens out, with heavy sweating. This also happens during the day and has begun causing me to pass out. I actually smashed my face into pavement one day and shattered an eye socket and fractured my forehead and lost a good chunk of cartilage from my nose because I passed out and went over like a bowling pin. Nausea, vomiting, headaches, dizziness, extreme fatigue, what I call hot flashes (though I’m much too young and am not in menopause), My vision changes from day to day. I have been wearing glasses my whole life and now sometimes they work and other times I see better without them. Especially up close. My abdomen and legs stay so swollen I can barely eat or walk due to the pain.
My primary care doctor noticed my blood pressure was changing. But she knew I needed the water pills until I could see a cardiologist. She did caution me and told me to only take them every 3 days because I tend to have low blood pressure and water pills lower blood pressure. It was a concern. Well, I immediately felt about 50% better. Both the frequency and severity of my symptoms decreased.
My cardiologist said this:
Why would she put you on water pills?
Me: well because of how swollen I am with water retention.
Him: well you probably have (condition in my legs where the vessels stretch and blood flow gets messed up or stops) we will do the procedures for that. As for the water retention, your heart isn’t strong enough to pull the water out of your system the way it should. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with your heart
Me: that makes no sense (has ultrasound and confirms vessel condition in legs and has 4 procedures done) cardiologist releases me and says I should be fine now. No change including in leg swelling.
My primary then represcribes the water pills and adds a beta blocker. Diagnosis: high blood pressure. Frequency of symptoms reduced by 60%. Severity of symptoms reduced by 80%. Haven’t passed out since or had dizziness or nausea and vomiting. Headaches have been minimal. Eyesight is still a bit wonky.
Primary care doctor moves to another state. New primary care doctor thinks I and my previous doctor are insane and that my “normal” blood pressure is fine and my other symptoms are my imagination. Now I’ve been without meds for an entire month and I’m worried.
Are there ANY studies or doctors who have experience with a person whose normal blood pressure is low and high blood pressure reads as normal? I’m desperate at this point. I’m way too young to die of a heart attack or stroke and leave behind 3 kids without a mom. I’m only 44.
Edit. About 3 years ago I suddenly found that everything I ate or drank, even water, was like eating straight salt. I now can’t stand the taste of salt and can’t have it in any of my food. I lost 60 lbs in 8 weeks without changing anything. I have an extremely healthy diet, am very active (I teach 3rd grade, am a trauma recovery coach, and walk 3 miles with my daughter 3 times a week), I’m a light smoker (5-8 a day), not diabetic, healthy checkups, normal cholesterol and all that. The only thing I’ve ever had an issue with was my thyroid. I had 7 rapidly growing nodules that eventually stopped growing but haven’t been checked in 3 years since the radiologist said it was no longer necessary. All nodules were looked at through sonogram or ultrasound and biopsies every 2 years for 15 years. No kidney issues that I’m aware of. And NO the cardiologist and other doctors have NOT done ANY tests other than blood and CT scans to check my heart. They refuse. Yes I have good insurance. Family history includes mitral valve failure, mitral regurgitation, and non specific heart attack. Without the water pills I weigh about 240 lbs, with them I stay around 170.

Posting on here was the last thing I thought I’d do but I figured maybe writing things down may help ease things.
It’s been over a year now since I’ve circumed to so many illnesses. It started with just colds but eventually developed into fibromyalgia, migraines, body weakness, Vulvodynia, so much. Everything just hurts physically all the time. I was staying strong for so long and I thought i could get through it all but every time my symptoms get better, before I know it they’re back and worse.
I’ve spent thousands on doctors, both regular and holistic. All the drugs seem to make make sicker. They’ve done countless blood tests and everything comes back normal. It’s horrible constantly feeling like I’m dying but being told nothing is wrong. I get enough sleep, I eat really healthily, but everything I try has little to no results.
My partner was originally so supportive but now he seems always so frustrated at me. I’m trying so hard to please him but when my body is constantly in pain, it’s hard, and nothing ever seems enough for him. Even with physical therapy for a year, my progress always jumps back to square 1 randomly.
I was able to finish my college assosicates somehow with a 3.98gpa but everyone keeps trying to push me to jump into full time work, I can barely make it through the day, yet alone hold a job. I’ve told my partner I’m struggling but he just asks me how do I think I’m going to deal with ‘real life’ when I can barely function not working. And I know I won’t be able to deal with life. I’ve told him that and he just gets frustrated at me.
I even got a therapist despite how much I used to hate them. She’s pretty cool and she’s helped a lot but there’s only so much she can do.
I’m just so done with all the pain. It hurts so much. And there’s literally nothing I can do. I’ve tried sosososo hard and gotten no where. At this point I just want to die because I’m fed up of constantly hurting but I know my family loves me so much. Escpecially my dad, I’m the only thing he has. I can’t bring myself to leave because I know how much it’ll hurt them so now I just feel trapped. I can’t die but im not even living anymore- just going day by day in pain.
I constantly find myself thinking of how I’d want to go out. I’ve got enough of amytriptiline to let me go and I wouldn’t think it would be a bad death. I guess it puts you in a coma then you die, and just one pill was enough to make me sleep and entire day, yet alone a whole bottle. Im very sensitive to the stuff. just would need to find a peaceful place for someone to not find me while the pills do their thing. Shouldn’t be too hard. But that’s just a dream at the moment, I love my family too much to let them suffer so I’ll see how long I can hold out.

In January of 2023 my wife, I’ll call her S, left me. A bit of backstory because this is mostly my fault. Me and her moved from Florida to Washington 6 years ago for me to find better work. Her dad, brother and I were all best friends for a while and her dad was my boss that’s how I met her. We started dating in 2016 when I lived in Jacksonville and was attending welding school. When I moved back to my hometown I couldn’t find work and eventually went back to work with the company her dad worked at, I ran my own shop. I hated it I was so depressed I wanted to weld but she didn’t want me to because she’d be alone while I was on the road so I stayed. Her mom is a meth addict and is very violent and her dad is laid back as it gets but an alcoholic non the less. I was living with my parents at the time and one day her mom freaked out and tried to hit her, I stood up and defended her and her mom kicked her out of there house. Me and her lived with my parents ever since. Now that she lived at my parents house I had to basically force her to get a job because all she did was play sims and complain. Especially about me watching game of thrones because of the nudity. when I got home and I thought she needed some purpose. I only bring these thing up to put into perspective the things that I had to forgive and give up to be with her. One day my mom asks us if we’d like to move to Washington in hopes of a better life and she could attend college here. I was thrilled at the idea and she was at that moment too. As the date grew closer and I had already put my two weeks notice in she started getting cold feet. I explained to her that I was miserable at my job and had already given up welding and I was not passing up another opportunity whether she came or not. That ended in a fight but she said she wanted to come in the end. My mom emptied her retirement so we could rent a truck, drive up and have an apartment when we got there (my mom was already here) When got here we both immediately got jobs as a construction labor, making quite good money and her at a drugstore. This is where the problems really began. She started to become very withdrawn. She was not interested in anything sexual, and it began to wear on my confidence. I eventually got a job as an electrician making less money as an apprentice, but more overall when I turned out. Then Covid hit. I got fat and depressed, I got a lot from unemployment. So naturally, I began to drink more. Then I started dabbling in cocaine. Over time this became a problem, I began hiding it doing it on the weekends being out all night sometimes for multiple days. She caught me and I lied. My mental health was deteriorating quickly. I had already suffered with depression before, but this was something different. Her dad got diagnosed with stage bone cancer during this too. It was a rough time for both of us. At one point she told me she didn’t know if she wanted to get a divorce because she wanted to go back home to be with her dad if he died. Even though I understood this crushed me even more. During 2022 I was still somehow I was still somehow still managing to keep it together even with my addiction. She started attending college and work and college at the same time with stressing her out to the point where she was crying so I told her to quit her job and do college full-time. I paid for all of it. Financial burdens began to increase. My mental health dropped even lower. I became increasingly suicidal I thought about death every day. I talked about it every day. She would tell me she’s not a psychiatrist or therapist and that she couldn’t help me. She started hanging out with one of her friends from work and they started hanging out a lot towards the end of 2022. This part is extremely important. I started noticing things on her phone that pointed to her being interested in women like things in her algorithm for TikTok and YouTube. Stuff to do with being lesbian and coming out or bi. I asked her one day if that was something that was going on with her if she was interested in women. She told me no. A month later, she came to me and told me that she thought about it and it was something that she had been thinking about. I told her that it was OK and that it was something that I was willing to let her explore as long as we communicated. Then out of the blue one day again she tells me she didn’t mind if I slept with other women. Looking back this was a red flag at the time. I thought it was OK with it for being with someone else. It turns out I was not. Being a cocaine addict and an alcoholic pretty much plus the thought of her being with someone else started to grind my self-conscious. I became increasingly paranoid that she would leave me. One night fueled on cocaine. I got on her laptop and looked through all of her history all of it back years. And I saw she had to stop obsessing over a guy. Is it OK to have a crush on a guy at the gym while married. I confronted her with this information. And it turned into a huge she said I invaded her privacy which I did and still feel terrible for. And she said it was only a crush and nothing else. Our sex life had all the ground, and I was so hurt that she was attracted to someone else and couldn’t even begin to be attracted to me. One night at the beginning of January, maybe the first week or two I was trying to quit drinking and doing cocaine. I had maybe been a week in. It was the weekend and I didn’t want to be alone. I begged her to stay with me, but she went out with her friend. In retaliation, I suppose I went out with someone a friend of mine and got fucked up. We ended up going back to his place with some girls. There was no sex just making out and such. I don’t remember exactly what happened, but I freaked out and got taken home in a cop car. She was at her friends at this point I decided to commit suicide. I overdosed on muscle relaxers with my uncle to tell him bye. My uncle got it out of him that I had overdosed. He called my wife and her and the woman that she was hanging out with came to my house and I was taken to the hospital. I spent a whole week in the hospital. The whole time I was there she just seemed annoyed. She wanted to go back to her friends house and do homework for school. I got out and went back to work. I had to make up some school and the day I was there. I talked to another woman about how I could win her back because she said that she didn’t know if she wanted to be with me anymore. The girls suggested I take her out on a date and tell her how I was feeling and I did. That night while we were eating dinner, she told me that she had been sleeping with that girl the night I tried to commit suicide and other nights. She didn’t tell me she was afraid I would divorce. At first, I remain calm. But as the past, I started to become angry. at home I told her I was leaving to go stay at a friends house because we need to take a break. I started drinking heavily and told her to get the fuck out of my house and I hated her a bunch of other I started drinking heavily and told her to get the fuck out of my house and I hated her a bunch of other terrible things. I went completely off the rails she left with that girl to stay at her house. I bought a bunch of cocaine Adderall and alcohol and was determined to just do drugs until I died. I started self harming. I tried to commit suicide through carbon monoxide, overdose, and hanging. I ruined the house. I broke so many things kicked down doors shattered pictures. You should’ve seen it. It was disgusting. She came by to check on me because she was worried. I was going to kill myself. I can’t remember everything that I said to her, but I know I freaked out. I started throwing things and just being an absolute ass. it culminated her calling my parents. She told him everything. I should also note that during this time I was confused as well with everything going on in my head and thought maybe I would be by and gave a guy a blow job he also gave me one as well. It didn’t last long I wasn’t into it, but I told her the very next day. Had about three months before all this happened. She left again and my mom flew back from Florida. As I sobered up, I began to realize how I had acted. I went to work and immediately told my foreman that I needed to go to rehab. I went to rehab and started to feel better about two months after she had told me and I went to rehab and started to feel better. About two months since the split, we met up at a Starbucks to talk about us. She said that she didn’t think she could be with me anymore. After the way I had acted and all the lying with my addiction. I wanted her back so badly. I told her I’m sorry I was never worth it in a bunch of other stuff that was childish. She said I had acted like her mom and that she couldn’t deal with it. I totally did the yelling throwing things saying horrible things to her to put her down. Anyway, I went no contact with her the whole time she was still living with that girl. I relapsed after about four months. I got laid off from my job. In a few Coke, fueled rages on separate occasions, I would call her and beg her back and then yell at her when she didn’t want to. I called her with cancer and told him that she had cheated on me with a girl. They are very conservative and that was a horrible thing for me to do. So now the end of the tale. I’ve been in and out of sobriety now for this year and a half more in sobriety than out. I’m sober now I’m in AA and NA and feeling much better. Her dad died of cancer. She never told me I heard through a friend of a friend which really hurt me because me and him used to be best friends. Although I understand why she would not reach out to me. Neither me or her have filed the paperwork for the divorce. We just never talk. She has me blocked on Facebook and I don’t know her phone number and honestly right now. I don’t even know if I want to go through with the divorce or just keep working on healing. I’m so confused because I still love her but also I don’t want to be with her but I do. I think about her all the time. I don’t want to break no contact with her. We haven’t spoken in over nine months. I don’t want to open up the wounds for her. If anyone has read this far thank you. I’m typing on my phone so if everything seems rushed and a little sporadic, sorry. I would just like some advice on how maybe I could move forward stay sober and heal from all of this.