I just moved to a new big city and got an exciting job and I’m genuinely happy about the things I have going on. I just cannot eat. I’ve had problems since I was a young teenager but it has gotten so incredibly bad.
I got major surgery for a vascular compression disorder and thought my appetite would come back. I waited through recovery and nothing happened. I genuinely wanted my life to end in the hospital because there was just nothing for me to look forward to in the worst state I’ve ever been, for weeks. I couldn’t eat the food and was laughed off when I requested my medical marijuana.
Unfortunately I haven’t been able to get any help for this my entire child life and that’s part of the reason I moved to a city so soon after recovery. My afore mentioned disorder took my ability to walk for a short period. I was stuck under the care of my parents unable to drive , and they think my GI issues are mentally induced. My surgeon made me get officially diagnosed with EDS before procedure and my parents were so hard to convince that that was anything potentially bad.
I still am on a good independent grind and have a motility test already scheduled , I already had my stool sample come back negative for whatever it was testing. I just feel like the diagnosis is going to kill me inside if it’s gastroparesis. I don’t want to offend anybody in the sub. I’ve just been sick for so long and I thought I was going to be healthy again after such a traumatizing surgery. Everybody thinks Im all better, and I can walk and move around and have energy so I suppose I seem like it. But I am so sick every single day and I miss the dopamine from my favorite foods. I feel like I genuinely lost the feeling of hunger for the rest of my life. It comes back with weed often but it’s very unreliable of a medicine, and frankly I cannot exactly just be high at a work conference dinner. I am my sickest at work, when I look the happiest. I feel like this is going to ruin my life and take everything I’ve worked for away from me.

I (early 20s F) have a chronic health condition which means I am immunocompromised, when I get sick it’s often more severe and lasts twice as long as other people. It also aggravates my health condition more so it’s a pretty bad feedback loop.
My partner (early 20s M) is aware of this and does try to do stuff like get covid vaccine boosters and such but can’t help but get sick constantly and “not notice” before passing it onto me. So far this year he had two pretty prominent warts on one of his fingers that I had to point out and ask him to deal with (I had persistent warts years ago and broke records at the clinic which treated them for the treatment duration, it took years of effort and painful intense treatments, being constantly vigilant to get rid of them). He told me he’d sort of noticed them but didn’t want to tell me because I’d “freak out”. Needless to say, his went away in a month or so with over the counter treatments and I’ve of course caught them, they’ve spread to almost half of my fingers and I’m back to sustaining really invasive treatment as they seem to only spread and grow over 4 months or so.
He also has chronic allergies which he doesn’t really take his prescribed medication for. This sort of bothers me because he sniffles every day and spreads snot with stuff like snotty tissues that he leaves everywhere. This is kind of gross already but means that when he has a cold he “can’t distinguish between it and the allergies” even though the first sign of a cold is usually a sore throat which I would imagine is sort of easy to notice as standing out from other hayfever symptoms? Usually he’ll complain of a sore throat offhand and I will have to explain to him that he’s sick and needs to take this more seriously and be more on top of his symptoms so I know to avoid him for a few days and avoid getting sick myself. Because when I inevitably always do, already 2-3 times this year, I’m impacted for closer to 3-4 weeks.
The most recent incident has been him coming down with gastro which he initially put down to food poisoning (as he isn’t great with food safety either). I get that it can be hard to distinguish, and that he doesn’t want to make me sick. But yesterday he told me that he he was better and wanted to hang out so we spent the day together. Only for him to be visibly sick the whole time, offended when I didn’t want to eat something his cutlery had touched, and for me to be invited to his home without the knowledge that his parents had caught his “food poisoning” and were both throwing up, and had still invited a guest over to dinner?? I only found out when I got there and immediately left. If I come down with something like gastro and can’t keep food/fluids down I will need to go to the emergency room immediately as it is dangerous for me.
I asked him today if he washed his hands properly and he said yes but when not sick he doesn’t even always use soap. I’m starting to get really tired of his bad hygiene/self-care practices which keep becoming my problem and I’m not warned about before it’s too late (and often I have to pick up on it myself and tell him to deal with it and be more careful next time).
Even if he does genuinely makes a mistake each time, I’m starting to feel like he doesn’t care enough. And I know that my condition sounds bad and that I should be more vigilant/expect to be sick sometimes which of course I understand. But why can’t he be bothered to notice something is up/why does he avoid telling me every time! I’m starting to really resent him for this

https://www.northumbriangames.com/post/of-orcs-and-ai

Made vs. Created and the Nature of Orcs

J.R.R. Tolkien's stories are deeply rooted in Thomistic metaphysics and Christian theology, where the distinction between "made" and "created" is pivotal. This distinction underscores the nature of goodness, creation, corruption, and the intrinsic limitations of evil. The dichotomy between making and creating is most vividly illustrated through the origins and nature of orcs, the monstrous foot soldiers of Middle-earth's dark lords.

Creation: The Divine Act

In Tolkien's world, true creation, or creatio ex nihilo (creation from nothing), is the exclusive province of Eru Ilúvatar, the supreme deity. This act of creation involves bringing something into existence that possesses the Flame Imperishable (or the Secret Fire), which grants true life, free will, and inherent goodness. Beings created by Eru Ilúvatar, such as the Ainur (angelic beings), elves, and men, are imbued with this divine spark, making them fundamentally good and capable of independent existence and moral choice.
From The Silmarillion:

"Therefore Ilúvatar may not only send forth the Flame Imperishable into the Void, but he may also bestow it to others, who may then sub-create, though only as permitted by Ilúvatar"​​.

Making: The Act of Sub-creation

In contrast, the Valar and other beings can engage in making or sub-creation, which involves shaping or manipulating pre-existing matter. They cannot infuse these creations with the Flame Imperishable. A notable example is Aulë, one of the Valar, who crafted the Dwarves. Initially, these beings were mere automatons, moving only according to Aulë's thoughts. It was only when Eru Ilúvatar chose to bestow them with the Flame Imperishable that the Dwarves gained true life and independence. This story illustrates the fundamental difference between divine creation and sub-creation: the former grants true life and free will, while the latter lacks these essential qualities until blessed by Eru. Tolkien clarifies this distinction in his letters:

"They [the Valar] shared in [the World’s] 'making'—but only on the same terms as we 'make' a work of art or story. The realization of it, the gift to it of a created reality of the same grade as their own, was the act of the One God"​​.

Orcs: The Corruption of Creation

The origin of orcs in Tolkien’s mythos serves as a poignant example of the difference between making and creating. According to various writings, orcs were not created by Morgoth or Sauron but were made by corrupting pre-existing beings. In "The Silmarillion," it is suggested that orcs were originally elves who were captured, tortured, and perverted by Morgoth's malevolent influence. This corruption transformed them into beings of evil, stripped of their original grace and beauty. In Morgoth's Ring we find:

"It became clear in time that undoubted Men could under the domination of Morgoth or his agents in a few generations be reduced almost to the Orc-level of mind and habits; and then they would or could be made to mate with Orcs, producing new breeds, often larger and more cunning. There is no doubt that long afterwards, in the Third Age, Saruman rediscovered this, or learned of it in lore, and in his lust for mastery committed this, his wickedest deed: the interbreeding of Orcs and Men, producing both Men-orcs large and cunning, and Orc-men treacherous and vile."​​.

Tolkien emphasizes that orcs, though rational and capable of independent thought, lack the divine spark of the Flame Imperishable. This absence signifies that while Morgoth could mar and twist the creations of Eru, he could not create life himself. In Flame Imperishable, Tolkien is quoted as saying:

"Treebeard does not say that the Dark Lord 'created' Trolls and Orcs. He says he 'made' them in counterfeit of certain creatures pre-existing. There is, to me, a wide gulf between the two statements"​​.

AspectElvesMenOrcs EssenceCreated with inherent goodness and free will. Their essence is tied to beauty, longevity, and a deep connection to nature and creation.Created with inherent goodness and free will. Their essence includes mortality, adaptability, and a dynamic nature.Originally, corrupted elves or men, or made from slime and heat, theessence has been radically distorted and corrupted by evil. Their essence now reflects malevolence, subservience, and a perversion of their original nature. ExistenceGiven existence by Eru Ilúvatar, independent and autonomous. Their being is fully realized with a true purpose aligned with their essence.Given existence by Eru Ilúvatar, independent and autonomous. Their being is dynamic, capable of growth, and change, and is fully realized.Their existence is subjugated to the will of their corrupt masters (Morgoth or Sauron). While they have real, physical existence, it is dependent on the malevolent forces that control them. AutonomyHigh degree of moral autonomy, capable of making independent choices and pursuing their own paths.High degree of moral autonomy, capable of making independent choices and pursuing their own paths.Almost entirely controlled by their evil masters, reflecting their corrupted essence and dependent existence. Connection to EruDirectly created by Eru with the Flame Imperishable, giving them true life and free will.Directly created by Eru with the Flame Imperishable, giving them true life and free will.Not created by Eru but rather made by corrupting pre-existing beings or materials. They lack the Flame Imperishable, highlighting their dependent and perverted nature. Philosophical ImplicationRepresent the ideal of Tolkien's metaphysical and theological views, embodying true creation and the perfect blend of essence and existence.Embody the dynamic and adaptable nature of true creation with a perfect blend of essence and existence, according to Aquinas's philosophy.Serve as an example of how essence and existence can be corrupted and diminished by evil. Their existence is real but heavily dependent and perverted, lacking true autonomy and the Flame Imperishable.

Philosophical and Theological Implications

The distinction between made and created has profound implications in Tolkien’s universe. It aligns with Christian theology, reflecting the belief in a singular, omnipotent Creator who alone can grant true life. This distinction underscores the inherent limitations of evil: it is parasitic, relying on the corruption of what is good rather than generating new existence.
Orcs epitomize this concept. They are beings made through corruption, reflecting the perversion of creation. Their existence as fundamentally corrupted creatures illustrates the limits of Morgoth’s and Sauron’s power. They can induce suffering and manipulate life, but they cannot originate a true life that burns with the Flame Imperishable. This underscores a central theme in Tolkien’s works: the resilience of good and the ultimate impotence of evil to truly create.

On Artificial Intelligence

This leads us to Artificial Intelligence. Modern large language models (LLMs) and artificial intelligence systems, despite their sophisticated capabilities, are constructs without true volition or understanding. Basically, an LLM is an advanced version of autocomplete. These systems operate on vast datasets and algorithms designed to predict and generate human-like text (or audio or images), but they lack genuine consciousness, intent, and moral agency. Unlike beings created with the divine spark in Tolkien's world, LLMs do not possess free will or intrinsic purpose; they are tools made by humans to process and mimic patterns. Some commentators have even referred to AI as an alien intelligence, a ~shoggoth with a human face~, meaning that while the text may look humanlike, in reality, it originated not from a human but from an unknowable, formless alien process, which is the LLM.

"Well, we're fooled by their fluency, right? We just assume that if a system is fluent in manipulating language, then it has all the characteristics of human intelligence. But that impression is false." --Yann Lecun​​ on the Lex Fridman podcast #416

The outputs of an LLM are determined not by experience, education, and emotion but by the data and programming they receive, reflecting the biases and limitations inherent in their design. This underscores the crucial distinction between artificial constructs and beings endowed with the Flame Imperishable, with true life and volition. Parents, for instance, should think carefully about giving a child unbridled access to an LLM which has no discernible ethics. The AI is a soulless, thoughtless machine built by human researchers, much like an orc is designed by Sauron simply to act as an instrument of his evil desires. The ethical and philosophical results of deploying such constructs into our society is staggering indeed.

The AI is only the Tool of the Maker

Of course, while the analogy between LLMs and Orcs highlights the artificial nature and purpose-driven creation of both, there are clear and fundamental differences in moral intent and potential for ethical use. LLMs are not (as far as we know) inherently evil constructs. They seem to be neutral tools that reflect the intentions of their creators and users. As such, the focus should be on ensuring that AI development and deployment are guided by ethical principles to maximize their benefits and minimize potential harm. That said, as with social media, we may come to regret the technology and wish to fling it back into Mordor's fire.

Conclusion

Tolkien's distinction between made and created is a metaphysical aspect of Middle Earth. It emphasizes the unique power of Eru Ilúvatar's true creation and the corruptive nature of evil. The orcs symbolize this dichotomy, illustrating how evil can distort but not create. This concept resonates in modern large language models and AI systems, which lack genuine consciousness and moral agency despite their advanced capabilities. Orcs and contemporary LLMs demonstrate the ethical implications of using such technologies and serve to enrich the philosophical depth of Tolkien's work.

So, many months ago I was seeing a girl for about a month. No relationship, very casual, "friends-with-benefits" sort of situation. Ultimately, she ended up wanting something more serious and I didn't, and so we stopped seeing each other - this made her very, very angry. She is also a bit of a narcissist and has a history of mental illness and depression, as I've found out.
Anyways, 9-ish months later she accuses me of sexual assault through my college. She specifically references one particular sexual encounter we had, which was completely consensual. In her statements, she even admits to saying yes to everything. However, she claims she was drunk to the point of "incapacitation" (my college considers incapacitation to be the level at which one cannot consent, NOT intoxication - i.e. they are very different things).
A witness who was with this woman the entire night recalls her consuming two shots of liquor at about 9:30pm, and no more. This woman had also eaten dinner not to long before and is of average height and build. Three hours later, a little past midnight, she comes uninvited to my dorm and wants to have sex. I just follow her lead, and we have sex. I noticed NO signs of her being intoxication, and certainly not incapacitated. Two other people were in the room with us moments before we had sex, and also testify that they saw no signs of her being incapacitated, or even intoxicated.
Her main "evidence" to her incapacity was that I had to take her makeup off for her because she was physically unable to. She claims this happened while we were in the room with the two others. I have absolutely no memory of doing this, and neither do the two other people in the room.
So far, her accusation sounds ridiculous but I just want to make sure I'm not going crazy. I have also heard that since 2020 the definition of incapacitation has gone from essentially being synonymous with intoxication to now being a very high bar - and that gives me hope. Ultimately, it'll be her word against me and two witnesses. Her roommate, who has a history of lying to say the least, will likely lie on her behalf. Although she wasn't in the room with the rest of us, she'll probably claim that when my accuser got home, she was super drunk and unconscious or something totally ridiculous like that.

Throwaway account for what will be obvious reasons, and apologies, but this is longer than intended.
I (38F) have recently decided to dip my toes back in to the flaming cesspool that is dating in this modern age. I joined an app, matched with a few guys, talked with a few less, and had a dinner date last night with F (40M) who I felt like I was vibing with via text.
F and I had agreed to meet last night at a nice but not stupidly-expensive steakhouse in a popular upscale district downtown. I had originally planned on driving my Jeep, but it has been at the shop for maintenance and they still hadn't finished by COB Friday. I live too far out of town for Uber to be reliable, so I decided to have fun and drive my new car that was just delivered this week. I got to the restaurant 45 minutes early, valet-parked (I would have done this with the Jeep too, parking in this district is a complete nightmare), and walked down the block to a stationary/book binding boutique I love to pick up a few things. When I walked back to the restaurant to meet F I was a little surprised to see my car was still parked out front of the restaurant in one of the reserved spots instead of being moved back to the designated lot. I asked and found out that the valet company policy was for any car over a certain value threshold be left in the reserved spots out front both to keep an eye on them, and so that the company wouldn't have the liability of a valet potentially damaging them driving. That made perfect sense to me, so I didn't ask them to move it to the back.
F met me at the host stand and after about five minutes got seated at our table. Hilariously to me, we got seated next to the window looking directly out at my car.
Dinner started off... ok? F started off pretty affable, but started making little comments early on about my dress, and what I ordered and how I wanted my steak cooked - he tried to insist to our server that I really wanted medium when I had ordered my steak cooked blue. I joked to the server that when I said I wanted my steak blue (for those who don't know, "blue" is extra-rare), that that might actually be too well-done for me, better just bring it out raw. The server laughed, but F was quiet.
Conversation after that was pretty one-sided. He did ask me "what do you do for a job" (my standard answer is working at an animal sanctuary. It's not technically a lie...), which he scoffed at and made a comment about how I "must not make any money doing that" and "are you sure you can cover your bill here?". I laughed it off, but definitely found it rude.
Once I asked him about his job he completely took over the conversation. He went on ad nauseam about his job in finance at a major corporation, but once he started in about what a great investment crypto is I knew for sure he wasn't getting a second date. Honestly, it felt like I was talking to someone completely different than who I had been texting, and I was not a fan.
I had ordered desert to go, when for some reason, probably trying to impress me? F pointed out the window at what just so happened to be MY car, saying that he was doing so well in crypto he had just picked it up at the dealership, and was getting another next week just because he could.
Now some important backstory: in my very early 20s I won a significant lottery jackpot. Initially I absolutely went stupid and was spending money like an asshole, but after a few months one of my uncle's (a self-made multi-millionaire) sat me down, made me run the numbers with him, and showed me how if I kept doing what I was doing I would be broke before I was 40. He helped me get a good financial planner, and to make long-term plans. As a result over time I've still been able to have and do pretty much whatever I want as long as I don't decide to do something stupid like have a jet for every week of the year, and my money has actually grown. I've helped my close friend's and family out (and only gotten burned once), invest in local small businesses, and donate to charities that mean something to me.
I now live on a large farm outside of our major Midwestern city. And while I do travel all around the world, I spend the majority of my time training and showing horses, as well as providing homes for horses that have been rescued from the slaughter pipeline and can't be repurposed back to work, or retired show horses that need a soft spot to land (and various other animals, like pigs, alpacas, and an absolute hoard of chickens. Someone offered me a giraffe once, and I had to politely decline). And yes, I do actually do a lot of the hands-on work myself, although I have other people who clean the stalls and help with the general caretaking of the retired crowd, which is why it's not really lying when I say I 'work at an animal sanctuary'.
Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the finer things in life like the latest tech and designer clothes, bags, and shoes, but as I've matured I tend to not go for the flashy "logo" option. Except for one thing...
I love fast cars. My daily-driver is a Jeep that I've had for 10 years, and I have a big truck for farm stuff (I didn't drive it to dinner because it is huge and will not fit in any of the garages downtown), but I also have a small collection of late-model Lamborghinis, starting with the Murcielago I bought during my "asshole spending" phase. I also have a Gallardo, an Aventador, a Huracan, and this week I finally had my Revuelto delivered after ordering it more than a year ago. The Revuelto is what I decided to drive to my date, because I just couldn't resist the excuse to drive the new toy.
Now, back to F trying to claim my car as his. On my best day I am a sarcastic bitch, and this opportunity was too much for me to pass up. I started playing along, asking him "omg, isnt that a Lambor-jeenie Hurricane?", which he confirmed it was, and "would he take me for a ride in it after dinner?" He said maybe on our second date he would.
Basically for the next 10 minutes until we settled our checks he bullshitted his way through my questions about the "Hurricane", and how he could help me invest in crypto so I could have nice things too, and "get some nicer clothes from somewhere better than Target, because my girlfriend should only wear designer". For the record, I love Target and have a lot of clothes from there, but I was wearing a dress from The Row to dinner and my bag and shoes were designer as well, just without obvious logos for him to pick up on.
We walked out of the restaurant together and he made a show of telling me and anyone who would listen (there was a small crowd looking at my car and taking pictures with it, which is fine with me as long as they dont lean/sit on it) that he had an errand to run and would be picking his car up from the valet later, but he would wait with me until my car got brought up. I agreed, walked away to the valet stand to pay my ticket, tip, and collect my keys. Then I walked over to my car, and watched his jaw hit the pavement as I opened the door. I said "by the way F, it's a Revuelto, definitely not a "hurricane", and not even a Huracan, but I have one of those too". Some of the people who had been looking at my car were laughing at F as I got in and drove off.
I had 17 texts when I got home from F, berating me for embarrassing him in front of people because I didn't tell him it was my car from the beginning. He also called me a fat bitch after I pointed out he never should have tried to say it was his in the first place and declined his invite to a second date...
Tl;dr I went on a date with a crypto-bro who didn't know I drove a Lamborghini, and he tried to pretend my car was his to impress me.
So AITA for letting him pretend my car was his, and then publicly showing him it wasn't?

Hey! Ik a lot of the incoming first year engineering students have accepted their offers recently (congrats!) and I thought this may be of use for you guys and some of these can go for any first year student honestly. I learned so so much during my first year and would love to share if it even benefits one person!
- every percent helps! A lot of your mark will be based off the midterm and final, but most classes have room to gain marks in quizzes and homework. Although each one may be worth small (for ex. in pcs each hw is work 0.5%), don't get in the habit of slacking off and overlooking those. Those percents add up and can help you pass your course esp if you do poorly on major assessments. it can be very easy to skip or forget them in the midst of midterm season, but you future self will thank you when your calculating your grade at the end of the semester. Plus its a great way to stay sharp and caught up!
- join clubs. everyone says this but its for a reason!!!! It is an excellent way to meet upper years and learn from them, as well as gain skills and opportunities that set you apart from peers. You can also add it to your LinkedIn and climb up the exec ladder if you stick to the same clubs over the years. This is the best thing I could've done my first year. Although it can be challenging managing them along your classes, even joining one or two positions can help make yourself well rounded. Some examples are MUES positions, FYEO fyc, IEEE, WiE, BMES, MECU, ECEstorms, CECU and literally SM more.
- design teams. on the topic of clubs, design teams esp are something I wish I joined but hope to in my second year. Design teams are amazing because they allow you to contribute to physical projects and use the concepts you are taught in your classes! They're also great because you can add these projects to your resume and linkendin.
- find good friends/study group. It can be overwhelming and scary in the beginning to make friends, and it does take time to build those relationships. However I highly recommend you put yourself out there and out your comfort zone even if it is just talking to someone while waiting outside of a lecture. I cannot stress enough how beneficial a supportive friend/group can be for your entire degree! You guys can hang out between classes, lock in and study together, they can be there to help you/teach the things you don't understand, hold you accountable when you slack off, hype you up and push you to seek new oppurtunites, and make sm memories. don't be scared about meeting new people, it is a lot easier than you think esp bc everyone is on the same boat in first year and looking for friends! Joining clubs as I mentioned is a great way, as well as talking to the people in your tutorials/labs and inviting them to get a bite or drink with you!
- hold your self accountable. You know yourself best and you know when you are slacking off, when you are doing something you shouldn't be, when you can be doing better than you are, etc. University is not like hs where you have a teacher or figure to hold you accountable, you need to do that for yourself. Eng is not easy, you need to know when it's time to study or put in effort because spoiler alert, you need both to succeed. you cannot expect to pass or have good grades if you are only going to lectures and not reviewing, doing your hw, or studying. and holding yourself accountable throughout the sem can make studying for finals and midterms easier for you.
- be careful using chatgpt, bc you will become dependent on it. Ai is definitely a helpful tool than can be used to answer specific questions and spark new ideas, however use it cautiously. Pushing and using your brain is so good for you, however access to gpt and ai can make it seem like an easy fix. It is, but all I am saying is don't use it for everything, don't use it when you have the answers in your notes or textbook, don't use it if you have time to work it out/think on it. you do not want to become one of those brain rot individuals that cannot think and speak for themself thats all.
- save your money. I wish I'd hear this before but it is incredibly easy to blow off money in your first year esp at tmu. There are food and shopping places in every corner, so if you have the money/savings it's easy to get in the habit of buying food or a sweet treat every day. Many of us aren't working during school either. Just remember that each course you take cost money, if you need to take it again or online it cost money, your homework textbooks and lab equipment often costs money, and if you are on osap you will need money to pay it back! just be careful 🥲
- chang policy. I had to learn this one the hard way too. If you would like to take a course virtually through chang the refund policy is NOT the same as in person courses. If you change your mind about the course and want a full policy, you need to drop the course 5 BUSINESS DAYS before it begins if you want a full refund. I dropped a course 4 business days before and had to pay 50% for a course I did not take.
- time management because the workload is intense. engineering is not easy but time management can make your degree manageable and not feel impossible. it may be hard to find the routine and flow that works for you, but if I can give any advice while you do it is to make use of the time you have when you have it. Use resources like a planner, google cal, to-do lists, reminders etc to stay on top and make time for everything. being able to manage your time can save you a lot of panic and stress in midterm and final season. although the workload can get overwhelming, break your tasks down and take it day by day, but make sure you get done what you need too.
- start group projects early, especially CEN100. you will encounter many group projects during your first year, and most of the important ones happen near the end of the semester. I highly suggest you urge you and your group to get started or at least plan/break down tasks early, ideally from the get go when it is assigned. trying to coordinate with group members who are all busy with the end of the semester can be difficult and makes room for conflict to arise. not to mention starting early gives you time to seek help and critique from your TA. if you need to be that person, hold the group accountable and make sure you guys do not leave it for last min.
- don't compare yourself. everyone comes from different educational and social backgrounds. for some it may come as a shock to be surrounded by people who are as smart as you if not probably smarter. it is so easy to compare yourself and your success to others and it can easily become discouraging. just know that although you will meet people doing great while you may be near flunking, everyone is still struggling and finding it difficult. they may have different learning styles from you that makes it easier for them to learn new material, or they may have come from a school/background where they have already learned it. that doesn't mean you can't get to that level tho, for some it just takes some extra effort and that is okay.
- connect with your TA's and profs and build a relationship with them. You won't always come across a friendly or dedicated instructor, but if you feel you you have give them the chance to get to know and remember you, go to office hours and your tutorials even if they are optional. chances are they may be willing to give you advice or insight on what is on the midterm/final, or they could be the reason your mark has been boosted enough for you to pass. this is not always the case, but it often is.
- it will be a learning curve and takes time to adjust. as much as people can advise and warn you, you won't know what you are getting yourself into until you are actually in it. university for most people is a whole different ball park, let alone an engineering degree. you likely may not find your circle, your flow and your space right away and that is okay, it is part of the process that sets you up to be the best engineer you can be one day. some may be able to adjust quicker than others but just be patient with yourself, if you need to break up for your year into the spring/summer sem so be it. they say the first year of eng is the hardest bc it is such a large jump from high school, but remember it isn't impossible, so many people have done it and so can you. be kind with yourself, and use the many many resources that are available for your success.
- stay caught up in your classes to avoid burnout during midterm and exam season. one of my biggest regrets is missing so much class after midterms and having to cram for finals. Up until my midterms for both semesters I was caught up and following along in everything which made studying less time consuming bc I was already familiar with most the material, it was just filling in the gaps and practicing. Finals nearly took me out bc of the amount of cramming I had to do before I could even get to studying. not to mention seeing the material multiple times will make it stick better by logic. falling behind is common, but don't let it get too far because it truly is very hard to come back from. try to study as you go through the semester, and review/practice the lessons regularly. do not let the material leave your brain as soon as you learn it.
- it is okay to fail. many of us come from being high achievers in high school and getting above average grades. but you will come to learn that grades in the 45-60 range is normal. it is not the end of the world if you fail a course, especially in your first year. you are not dumb, you are not a failure, you are not letting anyone down. failing a course or two is normal and fairly common at least once during this degree. as a first year there is a lot of leeway and room for success, so you can just take it the next sem or the spring.
- make time for your family. this mostly goes for the commuters, but it can be difficult to make time for them especially when the semester ramps up. you may find yourself locked up in your room or coming home late from a library study sesh. but for many people they are your support system and even taking an hour away from your work to spend time with them and be a breath of fresh air and much needed to feel connected to them.
- go to student events! there are genuinely SO MANY that run throughout the year especially for us. I highly recommend to you to as many conferences as you can, GVIC, the WiE if you are female, the one from FYEO and more from MUES. these are great to make industry connections, learn things you don't learn in class, you can make friends, network, and grow yourself professionally. there are other more fun and chill student events that run too that can be great to destress during the sem and wind down with your friends.
- learn to make use of your time if your commute. Many of us who take the go have quite long commutes that can make it feel like a chunk of our day is gone. Something to help with that is just learning to manage the travel time and get something done. This can be being productive and study, taking a power nap, winding down/screen time before locking in at home, have lunch/dinner, making phone calls, etc. Plan your day out and what you are going to do during that commute time, it can truly help structure your day sm better.
- split your chegg. if you really need to buy it (its great for CHY homework and PCS) find some reliable and not snitchy friends and split it so its cheaper. although again, be careful using such tool incase you become dependent on it. it is a tool not solution, use it to learn how to do questions you don't have examples on, but still make sure you do most the hw for practice etc.
- don't get in the habit of skipping class. everyone says this yet we all do it. but I feel like I still need to include this since I have tasted my own medicine from skipping so much. its fine to skip here and there but don'ttttt make it a habit bc it is near impossible to break. its starts with one class, and then you skip the next one bc you didn't catch up and you're gonna be lost either way, and then it snowballs from there. its okay if you aren't caught up from previous missed lectures. just go, even if you just sit there and pay attention without taking notes. you will eventually catch up if you go, but letting it become a habit is just cutting yourself short and holding you back from sm academic success.
- don't overlook the easy classes. they WILL be your mark booster but you still need to put in the effort. for me they were CEN100, CHY102, my liberals, and CPS188. If you care about your gpa make sure you put effort into these classes bc they are very easy to do well in and will boost your gpa.
- its okay to feel imposter syndrome. I went through this a lot and felt like eng was not for me at many times because I would get in the habit of comparing myself. I don't think I felt like I belonged or felt like I was where I was supposed to be until the winter sem. as I mentioned it can take time to find your space but you will eventually. try to remember why you went into eng in the first place, and if it was just money joining clubs/going to eng events can help you find passion or belonging in it again. at the end of the day just trust your gut. if you truly truly feel like you can't see yourself working as an engineer maybe you could reconsider. but if you can but you are just struggling, I promise the imposter syndrome is normal but it will go away.
- NO all nighters. this is coming from someone who has pulled one too many this year and regrets it every single time. I feel like we all know this by now but just prioritize your sleep guys, this again comes down to time management but get enough sleep helps you SO MUCH to learn and digest all the material. you may be able to stay awake physically but you brain needs the rest. and ESPECIALLY DONT PULL ALL NIGHTERS BEFORE EXAMS. So many times this sem have I experience the worst brain fog of my life from doing this, you start to forget the most basic of things and concepts you may have perfected. it can be so easy to overlook our sleep but it truly is so important. don't sacrifice it, if you need to take the L bc you didn't study enough just take it, bc honestly studying more ahead would've saved you if you feel like you need to miss your sleep to cram.
- don't buy a single textbook. the only time you should is PCS and CHY bc it comes with the homework which you need to buy. other than that don't you can find it all online for free either on Anna's archive, the eng gcs or upper years.
- be prepared for midterms. tbh nothing could've prepared me, it is intense. esp if you are taking the full course load. the learning does not stop when midterms roll around, you will still have fast paced lectures, still have hw, still have regular quizzes and projects on top of studying for midterms. It can honestly feel suffocating in the midst of it and extremely overwhelming, but again this is where time management comes to play, use planning resources, and set yourself up for success from the very beginning of the sem. the biggest mistake people make is skipping lectures during midterms, because let me tell you, you will not make the time to catch up during midterm season, and even when it is over you are likely quite far behind or near finals. try your self to ensure you keep going to your classes during it. ALSO, make sure you study well for your midterms, for many people they do better on the midterm than the final so allocating those grades from the midterm is a great idea.
- check your emails! there are so many opportunities and resources that get sent to your inbox. this includes free tutoring, study halls, event details, on campus paid opportunities, club hirings etc.
- take care of yourself. like sm other things it can be so easy to overlook your basic needs and let yourself go. whether that be skipping meals or eating fast food alllllll the time, not sleeping, not showering and doing laundry, not giving yourself free time, etc, you need to look after yourself because no one else will. and the only way you can do well is ensuring you yourself are well. feed yourself healthy and balanced meals, get enough sleep, PLEASE SHOWER AND USE DEODORANT (the stereotype is in fact true), and take yourself outside on walks and with your loved ones. don't lose yourself along the way, it is all about balance.
- do not drop linear algebra in the fall. just listen to me on this one. even if you absolutely BOMB the midterm, don't get scared by it and decide to drop it. this happens essentially every year, and they usually, every year, make the final much easier and straight forward than the midterm is so it IS possible to pass. at the end of the day all you need is a 50 and it is very doable if you have the quiz/hw grades secured (free marks for most people) and study well for the final. try to get profs like majed and wang bc if you are near passing they may boost you enough too. and even if you did fail, so be it that is fine, you can take it in the winter but atleast you gave it youre all and said you tried but chances are you will pass. I say this bc the winter sections for linear algebra ive heard are much harder than the fall, although I think they curve at the end, it is a lottttt more theoretical and confusing so I recommend you push yourself for the fall and see where that takes you.
Anddddd I think that's all! I know that was a lot and maybe overwhelming but I hope it was insightful. if you have any questions or worries feel free to comment or pm.

I converted to the church 3 years ago. Still an active member but trying to leave (that’s a story for another time). When I was investigating up to the moment I was baptized and even a couple of months after baptism I was treated as a celebrity, every member was inviting me over for dinner, inviting me to go to church events with them, constantly reaching out asking me how I’m doing, and it was the same before I went on my mission too a year after baptism. I came back from my mission early (also a story for another time. I had a horrific mission experience) and now I feel like a placeholder (idk how to better describe it, so I hope that makes sense.) like I feel like another check mark on a box, another number, another person to fill a job and that’s it.
Nobody invites me to things. I rarely have people reaching out asking how I’m doing. I invite people to things and they don’t come. I have a calling to help plan ward activities and the lady who runs it doesn’t tell me when the committee is meeting so these acitivities keep happening that I’m not involved in because nobody tells me about them. I simply feel invisible. I went from a nobody with no friends back to a nobody with no friends. Except this is way more painful then before I learned about the church. I wish I never got involved. I keep gaslighting myself thinking that I’m overdramatic for being this psychologically tormented over this, but it does a number to a person when for once in your life you feel like you finally belong somewhere only to realize it was all a fake ploy to get you to join the flock, only for you to resort back to being the nobody no one cares about and ignores like before.
And it doesn’t matter how inactive or active I am btw. I’ve been both very active and involved and I was inactive for awhile and it doesn’t matter - no one reaches out.
They do comment on how long I was inactive for btw but no one asks why or how I was doing. They just comment on how many Sundays I missed church.
Is this why many converts leave shortly after baptism?
Can anyone relate? Am I being unreasonable for the hurt feelings I feel?

I, 29, female, married my 32, male, husband 3 years ago.
I met my husband about 6 years ago while I was in my last year in university and he was in the workforce. I attended university in my home state. I lived on campus and had an on-campus job working as a barista. During my last year, I met a new co-worker named Alex, male, who I quickly became friends with. Alex was one year below me and lived 30 minutes away from my hometown. Most of my coworkers were pretty close so it was not unusual for us to spend in between class time together, or even spend the night at each others dorm rooms. Nothing sexual, just movies, junk food, and good vibes.
Prior to meeting my now husband, I was pretty deep into the online dating scene but was growing very tired of the charades. I frequently told Alex about my endeavors and he would often offer me good advice on the dating scene. Alex had recently broken up with his girlfriend of 4 years so we kind of understood each other in that way. Early on in our friendship, we both established that we were not interested in each other, and only liked each other as friends.
Alex and I told each other everything. We talked about of pasts, about our dreams, and everything in between. We spent countless shifts together and spent many hours binge-watching our favorite tv shows.
At the beginning of the spring semester, my 6- month long situationship broke it off with me, and I was devastated. I confided in Alex and cried all night long in his dorm room. For some reason, his attitude and tone were different that night. He was judging me for online dating and being sexually active outside of a relationship. He told me, "this is the reason that I don't have sex with a girl I'm not dating, because then they become attached." I was so devastated at the break up and even more with Alex's words. I did not have the courage to tell him that his words were hurting me.
Fast forward to a few weeks later, I met my now husband online. Things were great, and as my relationship with my husband grew, I slowly stepped away from my university friendships and with Alex. Alex never met my husband while we were in university as my husband lived about an hour away, but he heard all of the stories, and followed along on social media. Alex was very supportive the whole way through.
As the school year came to an end, I prepared myself for the usual end of school year rituals. Since Alex was not graduating with me and our other friends, I did not see him much. But since we lived only 30 minutes away from each other, I knew we would stay in touch. Right before graduation, Alex congratulated me on finishing my studies and finding a great man. This was the first time of the many times he would remind me of "the night you cried all night in my dorm room." I was shocked to say the least. Again, I did not have the courage to speak up about how his actions then, and now, were hurtful.
I graduated and began my first job soon after. Alex and I met for lunch a few times that year before he told me he would be moving to the other side of the country with his best friend after graduation. We said our good byes and he promised he would be back.
That year I moved in with my husband, and the next year we got engaged. Alex and I occasionally video called and messaged each other. When Alex finally came back into town, he made it a point to come see us in our new home and to celebrate us. At this point, it had been two years since Alex and I were baristas together in university. Naturally we drifted apart, but we were still friends. It was really nice to see him, but I no longer felt the same companionship I felt with him in university. Alex had mentioned that when my husband and I would get married, he would love to attend as my "brother." I found this title to be very odd as I do have three older brothers, all of whom I am very close to. But Alex explained that his relationship with his sisters was very strained, and he saw me as a sister. So I let it slide even though I was not so comfortable with calling him my brother.
Over the next two years, Alex and I really drifted apart. We rarely talked and when we did, it was usually just when he complimented my outfit or makeup on a picture I'd post. I did think it was a bit flirtatious, but I did not pay too much mind to it. After all we were friends, and I was his "sister."
Soon enough my husband and I picked a wedding date and announced our bridal party. One day, Alex calls me up and asks for the wedding details so he can fly in for our wedding. At this time, I really did not want to invite Alex to the wedding as I did not view Alex in the same way anymore. I could only invite such few friends as my husband and I both have large families and it felt like inviting him was cutting into our guest list. I invited some friends from university but none of our mutual barista friends. I could not gain the courage to tell him the truth, so I invited Alex to the wedding and the rehearsal dinner. I did state that he was not allowed a plus-one due to the aforementioned guest-list restraints; a decision I live to regret.
Since Alex still had relatives close by to my hometown (where the wedding was to be held), I knew him coming for the wedding would not be a big deal since his lodging and day-to-day schedule would most likely be with his family. Alex flew in 5 days before the wedding and insisted on spending atleast two nights at my house. That was the last thing I wanted to do during the week of my wedding. I convinced myself that Alex flew all the way across the country for my wedding, and the least I could do was spend some extra time with him. I was able to bring Alex down to one night as I had a very busy week scheduled with the rehearsal dinner on Friday night and the wedding on Saturday. Alex spent Wednesday night at my house where he, my husband, and I spent the night sharing two bottles of wine and playing board games. Alex was visibly more drunk than we were. Before the end of the night, Alex started falling over and tossing around some vintage collectibles I kept in my dining room as decor. I quickly brought him to our guest room, where I asked him to stay put for the rest of the evening. Alex left early the next morning without saying much. I was relieved to have him gone.
The rehearsal dinner came and went and Alex was a great guest. He did not have too much to drink and mingled with our families. I introduced him to everyone as, Alex, a friend from university. However, he would quickly interject with, "her brother." I think most of our families saw I was uncomfortable with the term, and only referred to him as Alex. Wedding day came and my husband and I were happily wed before our families and friends. Only our bridal party and closest relatives were invited to the photoshopt following the ceremony, but somehow Alex also came along. I did not pay too much mind, and figured, he did not want to arrive to the reception alone.
At the time I did not know, but my husband's best man, Bryan, brought a bottle of liquor to share amongst the groomsmen. In an effort to not have Alex be alone, Bryan asked him to join them.
By the time we got to the reception, everything went well. We all had a great time and Alex and I danced a song. He was very emotional during the dance and again, reminded me about the night I cried in his dorm room. He told me how happy he was that I can go from that night, to my wedding night. At this point I was very annoyed as I could tell he was visibly drunk. Again, I would later find out that Bryan and Alex would sneak off during the reception to do shots.
At the end of the night I was fed up with Alex and planned on heading back to the hotel where the rest of the bridal party was staying. I said my goodbyes to Alex and thanked him for flying out to my wedding. During our goodbye, my bridesmaid, Jess, surprised me with the news of a surprise after party at her and her sister, Kim's place just 10 minutes away. Alex immediately insisted on coming along as my "brother." I absolutely did not want Alex to come to the after-party but I could not get him to go home. I also could not give him to someone else to take care of as he really did not know anyone else. I told Alex he could only come if someone came to pick him up and take him to the party as he was too drunk to drive his car. Alex agreed and called a relative to pick him up.
My husband and I arrived at the after-party hosted by Jess. I was so happy that the party was low-key with only a few drinks, food, and a light crowd. After all, I spent the past day and a half hosting. We were all enjoying ourselves when Alex walks through the front door. Alex appears even more drunk and is slurring his words. I am immediately embarrassed and even more so that I could not put my foot down and tell him to go home. I welcome Alex in to the main room of the house and sit him on a chair and bring him some water. I am watching Alex from a distance making sure he's not getting into trouble. Jess approaches me a little while into the party stating that Alex is making Kim, her sister, uncomfortable. She told me that Alex asked Kim to dance, but she respectfully declined citing she has a boyfriend and he is in the other room. Alex did not accept that answer and insisted she dance with him. I angrily approach Alex and told him to leave Kim alone.
I bring Alex to a seat close to me so I can keep a closer eye on him. At this point, my feet are swollen from a whole day's activities and I had a hard time unlacing the straps on my heels. I asked Bryan to help me loosen my heel straps as my husband was in another room. Once Bryan unloosens my heel straps, Alex immediately crawls up to me and starts massaging my feet. I am horrified as is Bryan and everyone else in the room. I immediately pull my feet back and Bryan helps Alex up and puts him back in the chair. My husband comes back into the room and I tell him I want to go back to the hotel. I ask my husband to call a ride share for Alex, when Bryan tells me he saw Alex pull up in his own car. I am immediately angered at Alex's decision to drive his car while drunk, but also mad at myself for not standing up to him. I tell Alex I am leaving and he needs to leave his car at Jess' and pick it up in the morning. Alex insists he will be leaving soon and not to worry. Jess looked at me in my distress and told me not to worry, and that she would make sure he gets in a rideshare. As my husband grabbed my coat, Alex looked at me and said, "when the love of your life gets married to someone else." I was so incredibly angry with Alex. I was embarrassed, I was shocked, and I was so disappointed. I don't know if Alex meant what he said, or if he was just drunk, but I had enough of Alex. I left Alex at the part and went home with my husband.
The next day, I woke up around noon to a text message from Alex, thanking me for a great party, and wishing to extend gratitude to Jess and Kim for their hospitality. I immediately phoned Jess to recap the rest of the party. Jess informed me that Alex did not take a ride share the night before. He spent the night at Jess' as he passed out on the living room floor. Jess, to not further distress me, ended the night early, and cleaned up the house. In the morning, Jess and Kim woke up to find Alex had left the house very early in the morning, but not without leaving behind a surprise for them. Alex had vomited all over the bathroom; missed the toilet as he went #2; had 💩 smeared on the bathroom rug; and to top it off, Alex left his 💩 stained boxers on the bathroom floor.
My jaw hit the floor. I could not process the level of disgust that I felt for Alex. I apologized profusely to Jess and Kim and offered to come clean up immediately. They knew it was not fault, but I felt absolutely horrible for inviting this man into their home.
From that moment on, I decided to ghost Alex. No matter how much anger I felt towards him, I did not feel it was worth my time. I wanted nothing to do with him. I didn't block him initially, I just ignored his calls and texts. He eventually reached out to my husband, and that's when I blocked him and asked my husband to do the same. I still feel bad about ghosting Alex, because a part of me feels he does not remember what happened, and I should give him some closure. The other part of me realizes he's a drunk and ruined parts of my wedding and did horrible things at my bridesmaid's house. I want to reach out sometimes, but then I remember that Jess and Kim had to clean up his 💩 smears. Idk, AITA for ghosting my "brother" after my wedding?

Yesterday, I had my graduation ceremony. After years of university with absolutely no help besides occasional rides to the bus stop and, very rarely, to campus, I finally graduated. Here's what my parents have done in the lead-up to graduation and the day after instead of supporting me.
My parents spent months leading up to the graduation freaking out about how I'll get a job, trying to control my hair and clothing (even implying I'm ugly when I choose my own hair and clothing), harassing me to hand out business cards to everyone I meet (especially if the situation would be an immense faux pas), grilling me on if my grades are good, lecturing me relentlessly about how I need to keep in contact with people in my class and it's soooo important and would I like to hear about how my dad got a job through nepotism for the eightieth time, asking me questions they already know the answers to (Yes, I'm still talking to my former classmates. Yes, I know that you worked in the Yukon when you were 18. Yes, I know about your friend who worked in a weather station. Yes, I know you had to move to find a job in the 1980s. Yes, I am aware that it is a possibility I might have to move too. Yes, I know that it's okay to invite people over to the house, you've only "informed" me about a hundred times. Yes, I know that school is important.) Every single thing that they "inform" me about is something I have very clearly expressed that I understand, and is just thinly veiled criticism. But my dad needs to lecture more than he needs oxygen.
Just constant nitpicking, criticism, and nothing I ever did was enough. I couldn't even focus on grades, because they would in their own words "put pressure on" me to do what they wanted. To handle their emotions for them. They're obsessed with the idea that I would have to move to a tiny town or work in a coal mine to find a job, because I'm more highly educated than my dad (who dropped out of university despite having all expenses paid by his father), and because my dad worked in the Yukon for two summers. He will never shut up about that, and he even goes so far as to hold us hostage with implicit threat of a massive tantrum to listen to him tell us the story again and again and again and to show us pictures of the place he worked on Google maps and point to everything he remembers. Sometimes he can go on for half an hour just repeating himself over and over.
Last summer, my parents even went and took action without my knowledge or approval to try and get a job set up for me cleaning up a mine contaminated with arsenic in the middle of nowhere, NWT. They tried to guilt and shame me into it ("What are your plans instead? Do you have another job lined up? Because you need to have a job. You can't sit around all day." This coming almost literally one week into summer vacation after my second-last year of university, when I could be using my energy to find interesting co-ops or explore hobbies or travel, instead dealing with their harassment and obsession with trying to literally trap me in a fucking arsenic mine.) They went on and on, lectured me over and over, implied that I would be embarrassing my grandfather if I didn't go, and so on. Eventually they said "You can go work or get a certification", and I picked the certification, but then they got grumpy anyways, and every week for the entire summer they would ask "Are you still working on the certification?". Of course, dipsh*t. I've told you fifty times how long the program lasts.
They don't care about what I'm learning in class, don't care about my hobbies or interests, only care about my friends as either a means to get backdoored into a job or a "nice French Canadian woman" to have babies with. They don't care if I'm struggling, and are completely unavailable to help in any regard. Any request for help would result in a guilt trip. Even if I actually couldn't eat dinner with the family for one day because I had a test, my father would get raw emotions and I'd have to walk on eggshells for a few days. The one time I mentioned I was having trouble studying, instead of shutting up and no longer ranting in the main floor where I could hear him or turning the TV off, he just dragged a table into the unfurnished boiler room (without asking me) and then told me that I would have to study there. I wasn't allowed to choose not to, because he'd already set it up. Ironically, my anger at him did let me study pretty well for the one day that I was forced there. He tried to keep me there long-term because he thought it was just such a great idea, but I managed to trick him into thinking I didn't need help studying anymore, so I got to study at a desk with a light on it and flooring that wasn't bare cement. Hooray for the most minor victory imaginable.
In the months leading up to graduation, did they care about how hard I was working at my capstone project and offer support? Absolutely not! Did they care about how well my sleep quality was, how many times the cat woke me up because they didn't play with her enough or give her enough attention? Nope! Did they care about how exhausting it was to deal with their constant lectures on the same topics, and to have to give them affirmations ("Yes, you're right, that's right, good job, nice, very tasty, good work, oh really?, neat, that's cool, how'd you make that?, mhm, I agree, you're being reasonable, they're being ridiculous, that's crazy") a hundred times a day? Not even in the slightest!
We spend more time talking about my dad's college friends than about anything I or my brother care about.
Then, leading up to graduation. all I've gotten are the most humiliating, infuriating, insulting messages and lectures from my parents. I get almost daily emails and texts saying "You need to get a job, it's important to look for a job" despite the fact I've told them I am looking probably fifty times. Too cowardly to say it to my face. I've been texted literal links to a Google search for "[degree name] jobs [city]" more than once. Both my parents treat me like I don't listen, when I do. They treat me like I'm lazy, when I've put myself through university with no help even after they lied to me about giving me financial aid and made me out to be a bully demanding more money when all I did was say "alright" and then pay for it myself. They must have sternly given me a talking to about how "I'm not going to pay for university, you know that, right? You need to pay. Don't expect us to pay. Because we paid for your first semesters, you know that, right? We've already paid for enough." thirty times, even after I'd made the final payment. They treat me like I'm stupid when I have expressed understanding before. They treat me like I'm a bully while I always bend over backwards for them, just because I don't play my role as "surrogate mommy but this time I get to tell her what to do" well enough.
It feels like they're almost raising me into a replacement or surrogate parent. Like my dad wants me to be his mom or dad, except this time he gets to be in charge. And my mom wants me to be her mom, except this time when she freaks out or has her deer in headlights look, she'll get someone to step up and take care of everything for her. I distinctly remember having to comfort her even for things she did to me, like tell me that a pair of comfortable shoes I picked out was good and she'd get them, and then immediately scream "take it out, take it out!" after it was scanned at the register. I could not have been older than twelve. And for my dad, he always rants and raves to me exactly like he does to his parents, except without including blame for them sending him to boarding school and instead having tons of old "life updates" like where he worked when he was 18 and what music he liked to listen to in high school, stuff like that. Then he expects me to praise him or be interested like his parents never were (he always tells me that his parents only cared about his car when they called).
So now I graduated. All they had to say in the days coming up to it was to grill me on the time I'd have to be at the venue and the time I was planning to leave the house to get there on time, with a distinct air of "you're too lazy to think of this in advance and too stupid to figure it out without a plan". Of course, I had to answer this question probably five times, because they don't care to ever listen to me. Before the ceremony I got text messages showing they were way more excited about themselves being here than anything relating to me, with multiple messages expressing how they arrived and it was exciting, then they asked me how the atmosphere was and their only reply was a one-word "nice" with no punctuation, because they don't care about me and only ask droll questions to segue into their next bit.
After grad, there was two generic sentences spoken with no emotion about how it was nice I graduated, and then they made a whole song and dance about the amazing gifts they got me. It was a degree frame I picked out myself that my dad presented as new and exciting (because he never pays attention to me, of course, when I told him I had picked one out and ordered it with my mother. Also she had another freakout about price and acted like I was holding her hostage by taking her unforced offer to buy me the second-cheapest degree frame on offer.). Then he presented the free gift small frame they got with it as though I should praise him for it, then a congratulation card that was alright I suppose if only because my brother drew a little creature in it that made me smile (my parents did not add anything special or meaningful to it). There was also a cap, which I genuinely enjoy and is nice, and a cheap ballpoint pen for some reason. He said there was more gifts at home, which okay, I don't care about gifts but I'd like him to at least be as excited for my graduation as he was for the picture frame. I didn't get any souvenirs from the bookstore because I knew if I got something he'd also gotten he'd freak out and accuse me of not listening to him or whatever, so I waited. When I got home my gift was Skittles. I don't know why I thought me might have gone to the bookstore and gotten me something special related to my actual interests. He doesn't care to know what those are anyways. I guess I hoped that at least this one day would be different.
Today, the day after graduation, all I've gotten from my parents is:
- Involved in a lecture and manufactured drama about my brother not using my car to drive to his job, even though my dad had the exact opposite position the entire rest of the year, because "what if you need to drive somewhere?", trying to manufacture a fight between my brother and me while also guilting and shaming me for not driving as a hobby like he does.
- A text message from my mother asking me if I'm awake because she wants more ammo to paint me as lazy. Nevermind that I barely slept the night before to make it to grad (of course neither of my parents would care enough about me to come with me as a family. I was literally the only person I saw who went on my own and without their family showing up early too, to support them. I walked past so many families in the parking lot knowing my mother couldn't be bothered to change out of her pajamas for me.) Nevermind I had a huge day that day, and that I was taking care of the cat's energy all that night too because attending my grad is apparently soooo draining my parents can't look after their own pet, and somehow it falls to me. All that matters is she woke up early and I didn't (after I handled all her inconveniences for her, funny how that works).
- Rapid knocks on my door because my dad is making bread as a hobby and apparently "needs" me there to help him with it, and then also "needed" me to stay and make cookies with him.
- A lecture about someone I never knew who apparently once threw something at another kid on my street when I was about 5, and about how he died and how his wife's hobby was really expensive or whatever and if I really don't remember him?
- I went to a showhome for fun and brought back the brochure. My dad jabbed his finger at the pictures on it to explain the house to me like I wasn't the one who literally brought the brochure back. Never asked if I cared or anything, just immediate launch into lecture and expecting me to stay and listen and praise him for being so smart or whatever.
- A lecture about D Day for some fucking reason. My dad is obsessed with history, and he doesn't have any friends to talk to (wonder why) so his lectures always fall on my ears.
- An email from my mother explaining in an extremely condescending way how important it is to have a cover letter when applying for jobs (just completely assuming I don't write them and also am too lazy or stupid to think about having them) including copy-pasted text from a sample cover letter that is no doubt one of the first results on google for "cover letter example"
- An angry email from my mother including a job she found on google
But, contrast that to my neighbors across the street. I was friends them in grade school, haven't seen them in like ten years, and just on my way past to the showhome we said hi and chatted in a genuinely nice conversation that wasn't a one-sided lecture like usual in my house. They could sense my emotions and didn't try to keep me there longer than I wanted to rant, they were genuinely interested in me and gave me space and interest to express myself, their mother even hugged me for graduating and it was the most genuine hug and congratulations I've ever received in person. Every other hug was my family members forcing me to hug them for their own sole benefit. I admit I cried a bit later on my walk thinking about it.
Compared to my parents, the parents of old friends care more about me, trust me more, believe in me more, have more hope for my future, are more interested in me, and understand me better. It's tremendously sad that all throughout my graduation ceremony I was worried about my parents becoming upset for some random reason and blowing up at me. I'm glad I at least focused and made myself feel some pride and joy in myself for graduating.
Even the random people I met who were also taking part in the open house were nicer and better conversationalists than my parents. A random elderly couple I have never seen in my life can have a better interaction with me than my own parents. The realtor was more chill and less perfectionistic than my parents by a mile. His million-dollar house sale was something he was less stressed and perfectionistic about and something he beat himself up over less than my parents are about my hairstyle when I'm going to class because "What if you meet someone in industry and they see you're not professional".
It's absurd.

Whenever I decide to use dating apps one thing I notice is that a large amount of the black womens dating profiles are so nstandoffish or materialistic.
I've seen a lot of profiles of cute girls but then read the bio and it's basically just an insult or something materialistic. For example, one bio was something like "First of all we not f*cking. Mom First, Bad bxtch second. Got my own place, car and money so what are you adding"
I actually was having a good conversation with one girl and invited her to grab a drink. She said she doesn't do drinks dates and only accepts dinner and I told her I respected that but it wasn't my thing. She then proceeded to say "why would I get dressed up, put on make up and take my time just to sit in a bar and drink with you? If you're broke just say that"
I did actually go on a date with one girl and all she talked was stuff and denigrated black men
Is it just that the good black women aren't on apps or something lol

DAY: MAY 31 2024
5-31-2024

RESEARCH SUGGESTS LEADERS’ SOCIAL MEDIA POSTS ARE TAKEN JUST AS SERIOUSLY AS FORMAL STATEMENTS

Over 180 world leaders maintain social media accounts, and some of them issue policy warnings to rivals and the public on these platforms rather than relying on traditional government statements. How seriously do people take such social media postings? A new study suggests the general public and policymakers alike take leaders’ social media posts just as seriously as they take formal government statements. The research, by MIT political scientists, deploys novel surveys of both the public and experienced foreign policy specialists. “What we find, which is really surprising, across both
5-31-2024

SCALE OF ONLINE HARM TO CHILDREN REVEALED IN GLOBAL STUDY

More than 300 million children a year are victims of online sexual exploitation and abuse, research indicates. Pupils in every classroom, in every school, in every country are victims of this hidden pandemic, according to researchers who have conducted the first global estimate of the scale of the crisis. The statistics, from the Childlight Global Child Safety Institute at the University of Edinburgh, amount to a clear and present danger to the world’s children, according to the crime agency Interpol. Online risks One in eight of the world’s children, about
5-31-2024

PRONATALISM IS THE LATEST SILICON VALLEY TREND. WHAT IS IT—AND WHY IS IT DISTURBING?

For Malcolm and Simone Collins, declining birth rates across many developed countries are an existential threat. The solution is to have “tons of kids,” and to use a hyperrational, data-driven approach to guide everything from genetic selection to baby names and day-to-day parenting. They don’t heat their Pennsylvania home in winter, because heating is a “pointless indulgence.” Their children wear iPads around their necks. And a Guardian journalist witnessed Malcolm strike their two-year-old across the face for misbehavior, a parenting style they apparently developed based on watching “tigers
5-31-2024

HOW SCIENCE, MATH, AND TECH CAN PROPEL SWIMMERS TO NEW HEIGHTS

One hundred years ago, in the 1924 Paris Olympics, American Johnny Weissmuller won the men’s 100m freestyle with a time of 59 seconds. Nearly 100 years later, in the most recent Olympics, the delayed 2020 Games in Tokyo, Caeleb Dressel took home the same event with a time that was 12 seconds faster than Weissmuller’s. Swimming times across the board have become much faster over the past century, a result of several factors, including innovations
5-31-2024

BANNING SEX CRIME OFFENDERS FROM CHANGING THEIR NAMES DOESN’T MAKE US SAFER

The government of British Columbia recently introduced a bill to ban people convicted of serious offenses from legally changing their name. The proposed amendment to the province’s Name Act would also prohibit those found not criminally responsible due to mental disorder from changing their name. The government announced the move after media reports that Allan Schoenborn legally changed his name to Ken Johnson. Schoenborn was found not criminally responsible for the deaths of his children in 2010 because of a delusional disorder, and was placed at a psychiatric hospital.
5-31-2024

SILICON VALLEY ISN’T THE START-UP UTOPIA WE THOUGHT, RESEARCH FINDS

Silicon Valley—considered the world’s hub of technology and innovation—can breed inequality and sameness among budding entrepreneurs, according to new research. Behind the multi-million-dollar deals and tales of start-up utopia, Silicon Valley’s “uneven” investment landscape is in fact a barrier to many budding businesses, says the study from the University of Stirling and Georg-August-University Göttingen. But the researchers suggest other countries could still learn from the more discerning entrepreneurial ecosystem that bred giants such as Apple and Google, to be more selective in backing start-ups. While it is not uncommon for
5-31-2024

I WANT TO KEEP MY CHILD SAFE FROM ABUSE—BUT RESEARCH TELLS ME I’M DOING IT WRONG

Child sexual abuse is uncomfortable to think about, much less talk about. The idea of an adult engaging in sexual behaviors with a child feels sickening. It’s easiest to believe that it rarely happens, and when it does, that it’s only to children whose parents aren’t protecting them. This belief stayed with me during my early days as a parent. I kept an eye out for creepy men at the playground and was skeptical of men who worked with young children, such as teachers and coaches. When my kids were
5-31-2024

OVER 300 MILLION YOUNG PEOPLE HAVE EXPERIENCED ONLINE SEXUAL ABUSE, EXPLOITATION, FINDS METASTUDY

It takes a lot to shock Kelvin Lay. My friend and colleague was responsible for setting up Africa’s first dedicated child exploitation and human trafficking units, and for many years he was a senior investigating officer for the Child Exploitation Online Protection Center at the UK’s National Crime Agency, specializing in extra territorial prosecutions on child exploitation across the globe. But what happened when he recently volunteered for a demonstration of cutting-edge identification software left him speechless. Within seconds of being fed with an image
5-31-2024

CYBERFLASHING IS A FORM OF GENDERED SEXUAL VIOLENCE THAT MUST BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY

Sexting—sending sexually suggestive or explicit messages and images—is now a widespread practice, and can be a healthy way to express and explore sexuality. However, there is a need to distinguish between consensual sexting and forms of sexual harassment like cyberflashing. Cyberflashing refers to the act of non-consensually sending sexual imagery (like nudes or “dick pics”) to another person. It is facilitated through communications technologies including text, AirDrop and social media applications like Snapchat and Tinder. Similar to flashing—when a person unexpectedly and deliberately “flashes” their genitals to others—that occurs in
5-31-2024

VIRTUAL TRAINING MAY BE AN EFFECTIVE, COST-EFFICIENT OPTION FOR CHILD EDUCATORS

Teachers and other child educators can benefit from regular professional development, but in-person training can be expensive. New research found that virtual training can be a budget-friendly alternative—and especially effective for certain groups of educators. The study—a collaboration between researchers at Penn State and the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and published in the International Journal of Professional Development, Learners and Learning—found that educators who took a virtual training reported feeling more confident in their abilities to implement practices shown to support positive youth development. In particular, after-school providers who did not
5-31-2024

HUMBLE LEADERS BOOST EMPLOYEES’ WORKPLACE STATUS AND LEADERSHIP POTENTIAL, FINDS STUDY

There are many different types of workplace leaders, from those who prioritize the needs of team members and the organization above their own, to authentic leaders who foster openness, trust and transparency. A recent study by the University of South Australia published in the Journal of Organizational Behavior has highlighted the significant benefits of humble leadership in the workplace. According to the study by UniSA’s Dr. Xiao Lin, humble leadership can effectively elevate the workplace status of employees by boosting their sense of respect and prominence. It also leads to
5-31-2024

WHY ARE GROCERY BILLS SO HIGH? A NEW STUDY LOOKS AT THE SCIENCE BEHIND FOOD PRICE REPORTING

Rising food costs are squeezing Canadians around the country. Nearly everyone is feeling the pinch, and it’s not just an inconvenience—high food prices are a major threat to food security for many Canadians. Understanding why food prices are so high and why they are changing is critical to the well-being of our society. Unfortunately, consensus on why food price are so high is in short supply. Explanations given in reports like Canada’s Food Price Report and the news media range widely, from the war in Ukraine to supply chain issues
5-31-2024

WILL GENERATIVE AI CHANGE THE WAY UNIVERSITIES COMMUNICATE?

Is artificial intelligence an unprecedented opportunity, or will it rob everyone of jobs and creativity? As we debate on social media (and perhaps use ChatGPT almost daily), generative AIs have also entered the arena of university communication. These tools—based on large language models that were optimized for interactive communication—can indeed support, expand, and innovate university communication offerings. Justus Henke has analyzed the situation of German realities about six months after the launch of ChatGPT 3. “The research was conducted about a year ago when enthusiasm was high, but it was
5-31-2024

STUDY SHOWS RELATIVELY LOW NUMBER OF SUPERSPREADERS RESPONSIBLE FOR LARGE PORTION OF MISINFORMATION ON TWITTER

Classification of superspreader accounts. A large portion (55.1%) of accounts are no longer active. For each class annotated with political affiliations, colors indicate the ideological split. The last group aggregates all accounts with political affiliations. Credit: PLOS ONE (2024). DOI: 10.1371/journal.pone.0302201 A small team of social media analysts at Indiana University has found that a major portion of tweets spreading disinformation are sent by a surprisingly small percentage of a given userbase. In their study, published in PLOS ONE, the group conducted a review of 2,397,388 tweets posted on Twitter
5-31-2024

HOW LIFE’S BIG MOMENTS CAN CHALLENGE STARTUPS

Life-changing events like the birth of a child, the purchase of a new home, or a lottery win could threaten the survival of a new business venture, the positive family events had a comparatively greater influence, albeit negatively, on the survival of a new venture, compared with
5-31-2024

RUDE AT WORK? FEELING GUILTY CAN MAKE YOU A BETTER, KINDER WORKER

We’ve all done it. A bad night’s sleep or a tough commute made us cranky, and we lashed out at a coworker who did nothing wrong. What can we do to make up for it? According to a new study published in the Journal of Business Ethics, embracing our guilty feelings can help us make up for our bad behavior by encouraging us to act more politely and work harder the next day. “We found that anyone can be rude at work, because anyone can
5-31-2024

RESEARCHERS INTRODUCE A PLANETARY INCLUSION SCALE TO FOSTER BROADER ETHICAL THINKING

Social inclusion and having a sense of belonging with other people are key elements of a good life. However, the fate of humanity is a challenge that extends beyond our social reality. Experiences of belonging and inclusion, understood in a broader sense than before, may be crucial for a sustainable future. In an article published in the International Journal of Social Pedagogy, a team of researchers propose a new planetary inclusion scale that structures our planetary relationship three-dimensionally based on temporal, spatial and ethical orientation. The temporal element relates to
5-31-2024

‘LEAN IN’ MESSAGES CAN LOWER WOMEN’S MOTIVATION TO PROTEST GENDER INEQUALITY

Women in leadership are often told to “Lean In,” designed to be motivational messaging demonstrating that they are more confident, strategic and resilient to setback. However, new research indicates that such “lean in” messaging can hinder women’s motivation to protest gender equality. Popularized in a book by American technology executive Sherly Sandberg, the “Lean In” solution to gender inequality advises women that demonstrating personal resilience and perseverance in the face of setbacks is key to career advancement. Now, a new study led by the University of Exeter, Bath Spa University
5-31-2024

ALGORITHMS COULD HELP IMPROVE JUDICIAL DECISIONS

A new paper in the Quarterly Journal of Economics finds that replacing certain judicial decision-making functions with algorithms could improve outcomes for defendants by eliminating some of the systemic biases of judges. Decision makers make consequential choices based on predictions of unknown outcomes. Judges, in particular, make decisions about whether to grant bail to defendants or how to sentence those convicted. Companies now use machine learning based models increasingly in high-stakes decisions. There are various assumptions about human behavior underlying the deployment of such learning models that play out in
5-31-2024

DIGITAL CAMPAIGNING IS A HUGE PART OF ELECTIONS NOW—BUT GOING VIRAL ISN’T EVERYTHING

The election has commenced and the race is on—to amass as many likes, shares and comments as possible. Digital campaigning, particularly through social media, is now a key part of political candidates’ communication toolkit. In fact, every general election campaign since 1997 has at some point been lauded as the first to make effective use of digital campaigning. But it was in 2015 that David Cameron’s campaign first made strategic use of social media to drive an election victory. As political reporter Tim Ross outlines in his excellent book, Why
5-31-2024

WHY ARE ORGANIZATIONAL COVER-UPS SO COMMON?

The TV dramatization of the UK Horizon Post Office scandal evoked outrage and disbelief. However, as another example of dysfunctional organizational behavior, it was expected rather than exceptional. The Post Office saga joins a long list of cover-ups or scandals that includes Hillsborough, Enron, Grenfell, the infected blood scandal, the Tuam babies scandal in the Republic of Ireland, Boeing 737 Max and Nasa (Columbia space shuttle). They represent what happens when there is a move within organizations and institutions to cover up the causes of
5-31-2024

AMONG GEN Z AUSTRALIANS, 38% IDENTIFY AS SPIRITUAL AND HALF BELIEVE IN KARMA. WHY IS SPIRITUALITY SO POPULAR?

Spirituality is increasingly popular with young Australians: recent research shows 38% of Gen Z Australians identify as spiritual. It also reports 50% of them believe in karma, 29% in reincarnation and 20% in astrology. When it comes to activities equated with spirituality, 28% of Gen Z Australians practice meditation and 22% practice yoga. In Australia, spirituality is strongly, enduringly central to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, and culturally and religiously diverse communities. Yet until recently, spirituality has received far less attention than religion. Spirituality may be
5-31-2024

COMPANIES CAN IMPROVE THE SUSTAINABILITY OF THEIR PRODUCTS IN THE EARLIEST PRODUCT-DESIGN STAGES

An interdisciplinary team of researchers from Lithuanian and Italian universities propose a tool that allows companies to assess the circularity of their future products. The self-assessment tool emphasizes the co-creation of circular design in the early (creative) stages of product development, encouraging entrepreneurs and designers to think more systematically and collaborate better by integrating related stakeholders into the product development process. The study is published in the Journal of Industrial Ecology. “The majority of existing practical tools (systems of indicators) are aimed at measuring the environmental impact of products already
5-31-2024

RESEARCH EXAMINES HOW RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA LEGALIZATION AFFECTS A STATE’S COLLEGE ENROLLMENT

New research has revealed up to a 9% increase in college first-year enrollments in US states that have legalized recreational marijuana compared with states without such legalization. The study, which is published in Economic Inquiry, found that the increase was from out-of-state enrollments, with early adopter states and public non-research institutions experiencing the most pronounced increases. Recreational marijuana legalization did not negatively impact degree completion or graduation rate, and it did not affect college prices, quality, or in?state enrollment. The findings suggest that some students perceive recreational marijuana legalization as
5-31-2024

RESEARCH EXAMINES HOW RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA LEGALIZATION AFFECTS A STATE’S COLLEGE ENROLLMENT

New research has revealed up to a 9% increase in college first-year enrollments in US states that have legalized recreational marijuana compared with states without such legalization. The study, which is published in Economic Inquiry, found that the increase was from out-of-state enrollments, with early adopter states and public non-research institutions experiencing the most pronounced increases. Recreational marijuana legalization did not negatively impact degree completion or graduation rate, and it did not affect college prices, quality, or in?state enrollment. The findings suggest that some students perceive recreational marijuana legalization as
5-31-2024

HOW THE ‘MODEL MINORITY’ MYTH HARMS ASIAN AMERICANS

May is Asian and Pacific American Heritage Month, a time when Americans celebrate the profound contributions of Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders—a group that is commonly abbreviated as AAPI—to U.S. society. It’s also a time to acknowledge the complexity of AAPI experience. And as a professor who studies equity and inclusion in business, I think the focus on AAPI communities this month provides an excellent occasion to push back against a stereotype that has long misrepresented and marginalized a diverse range of people: the myth of the “model minority.” The
5-31-2024

WONDERING HOW TO TEACH YOUR KIDS ABOUT CONSENT? HERE’S AN AGE-BASED GUIDE TO GET YOU STARTED

The Australian government’s new campaign Consent Can’t Wait challenges us all to improve our understanding of consent. It asks a series of questions to illustrate this issue is more complex than simplistic “no means no” messaging. The campaign invites viewers to consider the nuances of consent, so we can raise these important issues with children and young people in our lives. But what is a good age to start talking about consent? How do parents tackle such conversations when this information probably wasn’t readily discussed in our own upbringing? How
5-31-2024

A PRODUCT OF NATURE OR NURTURE?

The concept of cultural entrepreneurship has many facets. It encompasses both the cultural and social impact of entrepreneurial training, and the environmental factors that influence its development. Some societies, such as the U.S., have a strong entrepreneurial culture. This means that certain characteristics are celebrated and encouraged, such as the ability of individuals to assume risks, patience when confronting challenges, and innovative problem solving, especially in uncertain situations. However, not all countries have such an entrepreneurial culture. Entrepreneurship struggles to take off in Europe In general, entrepreneurship can drive economic
5-31-2024

STUDY BRIDGES ANIMAL BEHAVIOR RESEARCH AND COMPUTER CODING TO ENGAGE CHILDREN IN STEM

A graphic depicting a student coding. Credit: Carnegie Mellon University Teachers today face a bit of a conundrum, according to a new study from researchers at Carnegie Mellon University and the Rochester Institute of Technology. Their goal is to prepare young students to enter a rapidly changing world. Even basic jobs require technical proficiency, which requires computational and analytical skills. To address this need, many educators are pushing to fold these important STEM skills into elementary curriculum. Here’s the problem. Young students can lose interest and even develop an aversion
5-31-2024

STUDY SHOWS VR CAN HELP TEACHERS BETTER DISTRIBUTE THEIR GAZE

On the left, a bird’s-eye view of the virtual classroom; on the right, screenshots of each of the four gaze-visualization conditions. Teachers need to know their material, but they must also keep their students engaged and interested. Part of that involves making eye contact with their students—all of them. A multidisciplinary team of researchers tested several methods of data visualization in an immersive virtual reality (VR) classroom, to give teachers a way to gauge
5-31-2024

MARKETERS CAN MANAGE ‘FEATURE CREEP’ SO CONSUMERS FEEL LESS INTIMIDATED BY TOO MANY FEATURES IN A PRODUCT

Wifi-enabled washing machines. Voice-controlled microwaves. App-enabled TVs, vacuum cleaners, and even window blinds you can control from the comfort of your couch. Many of the technological features now included in everyday products are useful and accessible. But research has shown that having too many can overwhelm potential buyers, making them less likely to make a purchase. In recent research, Wayne Hoyer, marketing professor and James L. Bayless/William S. Farrish Fund Chair for Free Enterprise at Texas McCombs, digs into the phenomenon of “feature creep” and its impact on consumer sentiment.
5-31-2024

RESEARCHERS EXPLAIN SOCIAL MEDIA’S ROLE IN RAPIDLY SHIFTING SOCIAL NORMS ON GENDER AND SEXUALITY

A new paper summarizing decades of research demonstrates how social media has supported an explosion of diversity in gender and sexuality in America during the 21st century, and also how these technologies have equally enabled a cultural backlash. The paper’s authors, UC Santa Cruz Psychology Department faculty members Phil Hammack and Adriana Manago, identified five main narratives about gender and sexuality that they believe emerged through social media as people have strived to be “authentic” on these platforms. The findings, along with resulting recommendations for psychology researchers and practitioners, were
5-31-2024

KEY FACTORS IN TRAINING ASSESSORS FOR ENHANCED PERFORMANCE RATINGS

New research is examining how organizations can improve their training programs by customizing frame-of-reference training to emphasize identifying negative behaviors critical to their goals. While assessors naturally identify positive behaviors, C. Allen Gorman, Ph.D., associate professor in UAB’s Department of Management, Information Systems and Quantitative Methods, says targeted training helps them recognize harmful actions that can hinder organizational objectives. Involving assessors in defining important performance dimensions and examples of behaviors, both good and
5-31-2024

STUDIES CHALLENGE WIDELY HELD BELIEFS ON APPLICANT DIVERSITY AND WOMEN IN THE WORKPLACE

Justin Frake is interested in cause-and-effect relationships in real-world data and the hidden dynamics that shape workplace behavior and equality—or inequality, as the case might be. His curiosity has led to research that challenges some popular beliefs as well as published studies related to women in the workforce. One study shows that firms promoting flatter hierarchies inadvertently discourage female applicants and another study counters several recent studies that claim women CEOs negatively impact career outcomes of other women. Both are published in the Strategic Management Journal. The assistant professor of
5-31-2024

CHALLENGING LEWIN’S MOTIVATIONAL CONFLICTS THEORY

A recent series of experiments challenges the longstanding theory of motivational conflict resolution introduced by Kurt Lewin. According to Lewin, conflicts between two undesirable outcomes (avoidance–avoidance conflicts) are typically harder to resolve than those between two desirable ones (approach–approach conflicts). Lewin posited that avoidance–avoidance conflicts, where individuals must choose between two undesirable outcomes, are typically more challenging to resolve compared to approach–approach conflicts, which involve choosing between two desirable options.
5-31-2024

MEN WITH ‘TOXIC MASCULINITY’ ARE MORE LIKELY TO MAKE SEXUAL ADVANCES WITHOUT CONSENT, STUDY FINDS

No means no when it comes to sex. But what happens when a woman makes a more passive response to a sexual advance? According to new research from Binghamton University, men differ in how they interpret these types of responses, and men who display hostile masculinity, known commonly as “toxic masculinity,” tend to act on them regardless of whether or not they think it’s consensual. A team of researchers, including Binghamton psychology professor Richard Mattson and graduate student Michael Shaw asked men between the ages of 18–25 to respond to
5-31-2024

WHY WE DEHUMANIZE OUR POLITICAL OPPONENTS

Some of human history’s greatest atrocities—genocide, slavery, ethnic cleanings—are rooted in our ability to dehumanize people from other social, political, or cultural groups. Whereas prior research has traced dehumanization to the belief that others think or feel less than we do, new research co-authored by Haas professor Sameer Srivastava shows that our tendency to dehumanize can also be influenced by how we think others view important facets of the world. The greater the difference between our perceptions of an outgroup’s worldview
5-31-2024

STUDY SUGGESTS CHILDREN ARE OFTEN EXPOSED TO PROBLEMATIC CLICK BAIT DURING YOUTUBE SEARCHES

When a child peruses YouTube, the content recommended to them is not always age appropriate, a new study suggests. Researchers mimicked search behaviors of children using popular search terms, such as memes, Minecraft and Fortnite, and captured video thumbnails recommended at the end of each video. Among the 2,880 thumbnails analyzed, many contained problematic click bait, such as violence or frightening images, according to the Michigan Medicine led research in JAMA Network Open. “Children spend a significant amount of time on free video sharing platforms that include user-generated content,” said
5-31-2024

STUDY FINDS WOMEN ARE VULNERABLE IN POST-WAR PEACE PROCESSES

Post-war peace processes are a dangerous period for women. Many are forced to live close to men who committed serious abuse during the war or are expected to testify in various types of truth commissions, which can be both retraumatizing and stigmatizing. These are the findings of a new study by peace researchers at Uppsala University, published in the journal PLOS ONE. “In short, peace projects can force women to live side by side with ex-combatants who committed atrocities during the war. This puts them at risk of further threat
5-31-2024

HOW EMBRACING THE CRINGE CAN HELP YOUR DATING LIFE

We can all agree that dating is hard. Getting to know people can feel vulnerable, but at the same time, exciting. We can also agree that feeling rejected can be one of the worst feelings, especially after we put ourselves out there. Dating can also expose us to a lot of cringey things, maybe even something we didn’t know we’d consider cringey. Think of cringe like something that makes you uncomfortable, or something about someone else that you don’t find attractive. Before dating, most of us consider what we’re looking
5-31-2024

PERSONAL CONNECTIONS AT WORK POSITIVELY IMPACT RETENTION AND MENTAL HEALTH, SAYS REPORT

New survey results from Wiley suggest people still feel connected at work despite the prevalence of hybrid and remote work environments and the rise of artificial intelligence (AI). According to the latest Wiley Workplace Intelligence report, “Human Connection: The Crucial Secret to Thriving in the Digital Age,” nearly 8 in 10 employees surveyed (78%) said they feel connected with their coworkers, and almost 7 in 10 (69%) said they also enjoy making connections with their colleagues. Around half even said they want to learn more about their coworkers by doing
5-31-2024

RESEARCHER DEVELOPS MODEL OF INFLUENCER IMPORTANCE WITHIN INSTAGRAM NETWORKS

A study has provided new insights into social media influencers, particularly focusing on those in the women’s fashion sector on the well-known image and video sharing platform Instagram. In a departure from the approach taken by earlier studies, Jens K. Perret of the International School of Management in Cologne, Germany, has used network statistics and centrality measures to establish a model of influencer importance within their network. Perret analyzed data from 255 influencers covering a four-year period. Influencers are loosely
5-31-2024

MOST PEOPLE TRUST ACCURATE SEARCH RESULTS WHEN THE STAKES ARE HIGH, STUDY FINDS

Rank (X-axis) does not affect the evaluation of trustworthiness (Y-axis, mean-centered) of accurate results. This lack of relationship is robust across experiments (columns) and for clicked results (top row, red) as well as non-clicked results (bottom row, blue). The trend lines represent the predicted change in trustworthiness ratings per unit decrease in rank fitted by the linear regression models. Credit: Scientific Reports (2024). DOI: 10.1038/s41598-024-61645-8 Using experiments with COVID-19 related queries, Cornell sociology and information science researchers found that in a public health emergency, most people pick out and click
5-31-2024

MISLEADING COVID-19 HEADLINES FROM MAINSTREAM SOURCES DID MORE HARM ON FACEBOOK THAN FAKE NEWS, STUDY FINDS

Despite the greater potency of “fake news” on Facebook to discourage Americans from taking the COVID-19 vaccine, users’ greater exposure to unflagged, vaccine-skeptical content meant the latter had a much greater negative effect on vaccine uptake. Credit: Jennifer Allen, Duncan Watts, David G. Rand Since the rollout of the COVID-19 vaccine in 2021, fake news on social media has been widely blamed for low vaccine uptake in the United States—but research by MIT Sloan School of Management Ph.D. candidate Jennifer Allen and Professor David Rand finds that the blame lies
5-31-2024

CRITICAL DIALOGUE HELPS STRAIGHT MEN CONFRONT SEXIST, HOMOPHOBIC BELIEFS

Adult heterosexual men with sexist and homophobic views can potentially improve their attitudes toward gay men and women by engaging in critical dialogues that use illustrations as a springboard, according to a new University of Michigan study. The work is published in the journal Sexual and Gender Diversity in Social Services. The process by which people shift from a prejudicial stance to one of relative acceptance is a key innovation of the study. Guided by trained facilitators, critical dialogues reflect illustrations depicting different gender roles and sexual identities. The images
5-31-2024

RELIEVING A FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING

If you dread public speaking you are not alone. It is a leading social phobia, one that can cause a state of anxiety that reduces otherwise articulate people to nervous incoherence. A strong fear of public speaking is known as glossophobia. Academic studies estimate it affects 20% of the population, but depending on the sample and methodology, the figure could be as high as 40%. As American writer and humourist Mark Twain said, “There are two types of speakers: Those who get nervous and those who are liars.” But help
5-31-2024

HOW SOME PRIVATE COMPANIES ARE MARKETING TECH AND AI SOLUTIONS

How do universities and colleges decide who to admit? Given the earnings advantage of a post-secondary degree both globally and in Canada, this is an important social mobility question. While the answer varies from one institution to the next, most focus on education criteria like exam scores and grades. However, Canada’s new intake cap on study permit applications puts increased pressure on Canadian institutions to also consider immigration criteria when admitting international undergraduate students. This is just the latest example of immigration’s growing influence on the societal roles of Canadian

I’m not the best at this but hear me out.

• Akademiks said that a “huge rapper” is secretly beefing with drake
• Akademiks says that the rapper has big songs with Drake(Sicko Mode is one of the biggest raps songs in recent history)
• Fans think it’s Travis Scott, (I also think its Travis, here’s why)
• Travis Scott was plastered all over the WDTY album, an album who’s rollout is centered around beefing with Drake+ Recently announced a shoe collaboration with Ye, who called for “The elimination of Drake” not too long ago
• Travis is known for being neutral during beefs(Let Drake is diss Ye on Sicko Mode, Let Drake diss Pharrel on Utopia{Pharrel is also on Utopia})
• But, this time I think it’s different, he’s definitely on a side, he SPECIFICALLY requested Metro/Future to play “Like That” at Rolling Loud
• But lets give Travis the benefit of the doubt, the version played at rolling loud wasn’t the Kendrick Diss version and “allegedly” Kendrick sent his verse last minute so maybe he aint know
• But he reposted the WDTY cover when it was about to drop, has 2 features and was in the Type Shit MV with CashXo(Also dissed by Drake)
• Travis knows Future/Metro are beefing with Drake he is showing them ALOT of support for a neutral guy
• I know what your thinking, there’s too much evidence that Drake and Trav are still cool such as the rumored European Tour, The floating Travis head at Drakes concert, and the “Travis got you wiped down” lyric on “push ups”
• I think these are all cover ups/smoke screens
• Starting off with the European Tour Rumors, it was hinted at via the grapevine on Twitter and Drake made a post hinting at it.
• But, Travis just announced his European/Worldwide leg for his tour, Drake is not involved, the Drake/Trav joint tour rumors are just rumors but if the rumors were actually true, this would mean Drake got removed from the tour. Well not “removed” but Travis didn’t wanna tour with him anymore.(Blind Items suggest that Drake doesn’t wanna go to the UK/Europe due to sex trafficking allegations)
• Next is the floating Travis Head that Drake shoots at, during Drake’s most recent tour this year, he had a massive Travis Scott head floating across stage whilst preforming “Meltdown”-
• Fans thought this was a jab at Travis, others think it’s “appreciation” or a “shoutout”
• I mean it’s obviously a shoutout right? Why would Drake have a massive Travis Scott head floating across stage if he didn’t like him?
• Let’s take look back at Drake’s character,
• On his most recent album “For All The Dogs” Drake has a song called “What Would Pluto Do” a song dedicated to his “friend” and long time collaborate, Future
• Fans loved the song and saw no maliciousness behind it, it’s a tribute song to Future, the title compares him to Jesus, and he’s rapping about how he’d fuck someone else’s girl because Future would do it. Great song displaying a friendship!
• However others found it weird that Drake didn’t feature Future on the song
• Nor did Future acknowledge the song, not even a post bumping it on his story
• Why would you pay a song made by your “friend” that’s shouting you out complete dust?
• Because he’s not shouting Future out
• It’s a massive sneak diss
• He’s bragging about fucking Future’s girl, and justifying it by saying Future would do the same to him
• “What would Pluto Do, He fucked the hoe so I did it”
• “What Would Pluto Do he definitely fucking on this hoe”
• So massive that no one knew it was a diss song until 5 MONTHS LATER, on the release of “We Don’t Trust You” “Sneak dissing I don’t understand dawg”
• It’s right there in the title track!
• The point is Drake is a massive sneak disser and bit extra/petty
• There has been smoke before the fire though, Future was allegedly mad at Drake for doing “Her Loss” instead of “WATTBA 2”
• But Drake was the first to publicly diss him
• Ye said “When Drake disses you, only you will know”
• If he can fake a an entire diss song towards Future, and mask it like they are still good friends publicly, he can do the same to Travis with the floating head.
• Not to mention, Metro was invited to IAAB tour in September 2023 and Drake first dissed Metro on a Metro beat with “More Ms” in November 2022 (He might’ve dissed Future there too)
• Don’t fall for the show antics, Drake hates these guys
• But there’s been tension before the sneak antics with Metro and Future but none with Travis, so maybe I’m just wrong.
• Next is Push Ups
• Everyone thinks the “Travis got you wiped down” bar is a Drake shouting out Travis
• But I think it’s something else, (I got the next point from a twitter dude)
• Drake wasn’t praising Travis, the point was to downplay Kendrick’s commercial success by naming other rappers and artists that are not Drake that outsold him
• He names Sza and 21 Savage, (21 Savage collab album with Drake sold 404k first week, Sos sold 318k, which is more than Mr Morales 295k)
• Other than Sza and Savage, how many other rappers/artists that are friends with Drake can say they “wiped down” Kendrick?
• He can’t say “Yeat got you wiped down, Sexyy Redd got you wiped down,” Durk Cole etc. They all sold less than Mr Morale.
• Therefore, he threw in Travis’s name as a placeholder to diminish Kendrick’s commercial success and add into the “he’s irrelevant” theory.
• Along with pretending to the public that he and Trav are still cool.
• The next part of my theory is all within the song Push Ups.
• On 4/12/24 after the release of Metro and Future’s second diss album, “We Still Don’t You”(Which had even more Drake disses) “Push Ups” leaked online
• It was the demo version that leaked and gained traction, Drake saw it and sent Akademiks the finished version, and dropped the song officially a week later.
• There’s some significant differences between the leaked version and the official, the beat is different, and the spoken word outro is cut off, but the lyrics within the song stayed the exact same, apart from two lines
• The Diddy Line
• And the “BM kiss and tell” Line
• Let’s start with the Diddy Line, when Drake was dissing Rick Ross in Push Ups, he brings up the Diddy raids
• Well not “brings up” he subtly mentioned it, didn’t even say his name
• “Every song he got it on the chart it came from Drizzy, worry about whatever going on with you and-“
• It cuts right before he mentions Diddy name which is supposed to be a subtle nod, but why is he scared to say Diddy name like he’s the boogeyman or something? Even on an unreleased demo
• The line is replaced with “Spend that lil check you got and stay tf up out by buisness”
• Could it be that Drake mentioning Diddy, and associating his name with sex trafficking could lead to some repercussions for Drake?
• Drake fans love bringing up the Diddy beef from a decade ago to insinuate that Drake is not involved with the weird sex stuff going on but Drake has been friends with Diddy for the last couple years.
• He drops a like on a Diddy ig post in September 2023, just months before Diddy’s first lawsuit accusing him of rape and abuse on Cassie
• This sub just revealed that Drake and Diddy are definitely associates via Nissan
• Drake would be the first rapper(Aside from 50, but first to do it in a song) to publicly call out Diddy for his sex crimes if he followed through with that line, the biggest one at that
• Drake saying that line would be throwing Diddy under the bus publicly.
• The blind items(which may or may not be true idk) suggest that Drake was throwing Dutchavelli under the bus with his sex crimes, and that another pedo rapper gossiped in jail that Drake should be with him
• And that’s exactly what Drake is doing, throwing Diddy under the bus
• Diddy still has access to social media and we know that other rappers, (Chris Brown, and Meek Mill friends with Drake) were at the Diddy parties fondling with minors.
• Drake follows Diddy son on IG, Diddy son was also partying with minors and sex workers, he’s just as complicit
• Could it be that if Drake name dropped Diddy and hinted at him being a pedo/trafficker in a song, hence throwing him under the bus, Diddy would have responded too? Would Diddy response be dragging Drake down with him? Is that why Drake deleted the line?
• “You gon make a nigga bring back Puff” could have a double meaning
• Kendrick can mention Diddy all he wants ”The Embassy bound to get raided TOO” Diddy can’t bring him down with evidence/confessionals.
• If Drake goes down, everyone else goes down, the industry is cooked, that’s why Metro had a tweet about “sparing the both of us”
• Kendrick isn’t going down, he’s not at these freaky rapper parties, he lives a boring life.
• But Drake?
• Who knows
• Keep in mind, when Push Ups first leaked, fans thought that Drake did it himself as a soft launch to test the waters and claim AI if the public thinks it’s ass
• But Akademiks(reliable Drake insider) says that the track may have leaked without Drake’s knowledge
• Also The Weeknd, who just had a song dissing Drake for having “leaks in their operation” posted a meme of him laughing the minute the song leaked.
• A reference track for Jumbotron Shit Poppin, made by Lil Yacthy also leaked a couple days after.
• If Drake does have a leak, and push ups leaking was a result, it adds onto the theory that Drake does NOT want to mention Diddy due to the potential consequences, and that the fans were not meant to hear that one.
• But Drake isn’t gonna publicly say “Guys don’t listen to that one I mentioned Diddy and I might get in trouble”
• He played it cool and changed the lyrics, no ones gonna notice
• Ok back to the main theory Drake V Travis Scott
• Another lyric change is “Rolling Loud stage y’all was turnt y’all was slick as hell, shit’ll change if your dog lil BM start to kiss and tell.” to “Shit’ll change if your Bm start to kiss and tell”
• Interesting…….
• We know that Push Ups is a direct response to Future/Metro, their “dog” is definitely Travis Scott, who was performing at Rolling Loud with Future/Metro, along with requesting “Like That”
• We know Drake hates the song, considering that according to Metro, he tried to block the song on radio.
• Travis Scott Bm is Kylie Jenner
• We know that 99% percent of Drake beefs center around women, if a rapper beefs with Drake their wife/significant other is getting mentioned. Unfortunately Travis on the receiving end.
• But this isn’t the first time Drake and Kylie have been paired together in a romantic context, theres been loads of dating rumors between them throughout the years
• Ye said ”Drake lives across the street from my wife and fucks all her friends” in a leaked phone call with Taylor Swift in 2016 . Does Kylie count as Kim’s “friend?”

EDIT I FORGOT THIS -Drake even has an unreleased song where he says”Real Shit, Kylie Jenner as a side piece, I got 20 damn Kylies”
EDIT AND THIS -Drake apologizes for the song later, but still weird to say that about a girl who you first met when you were a grown ass man and she was a minor?

• Drake would be the first to break his silence on these rumors and CONFIRM them by saying he smashed Kylie for the sake of the beef.
• Drake has known Kylie ever since she was young as 16, if Drake came out and said he smashed Kylie, people would make the connection that Drake fucking a girl that he first encountered as a minor, would be grooming
• And Drake definitely doesn’t want that label on him, considering that he “expected” it. So he changed the line and made sure it was directed at Future and Future only.
• The only lines that changed in the released and unfinished versions of Push Ups are coincidentally, the ones that cause Drake to Freudian slip himself(Kylie) or get him in trouble(Diddy)
• Hence why the track was leaked by a hater inside OVO and not Drake

In Conclusion IF the rapper beefing with Drake is Travis Scott it’s probably because of Kylie, if Drake smashed Kylie before/during/afte her relationship with Travis, he’s a certified pedophile. He doesn’t want the public to know that though, that’s why he removed Travis sub in Push Ups, we weren’t supposed to hear that, along with the Diddy line. There’s a leak in OVO, and that’s why the Travis beef is “secret”
Thank you to everyone who read through this, I apologize for it being a bit unorganized, I’ll add photos/tweets as evidence for the stuff in here soon. If I made a mistake/missing something lmk. If someone can make a shorter TDLR version that’s be appreciated ✌🏾.
UPDATE:Akademiks confirms the secret rapper is Travis right as I post this 😂

the title may not make sense, but just hear me out on this!
sometimes when i socialize with my family, i just make things worse. i don’t joke correctly, i say the wrong thing, or i just act stupid! i find it hard to not get into some weird argument over miscommunications. every time, i take it so hard and i feel like it’s all my fault. because this has happened so much, i started to feel like it’d be easier to just not interact with my family ><
here’s how i got to how i’m feeling now: i’m sure everyone’s mom does this, but i’m often forced to spend time with my family. it’s not fun when i get forced, and i feel bored when i do. i was studying earlier today and i went out of my room for a quick snack break. my mom was in the kitchen as well and we spoke for a little. then, i walked back to my room. my mom spotted me walking away and: mom: “where are you going?” me: “my room” mom: “nope! you have to spend time with us out here” me: “but i’m studying” mom: “you’re always 24/7 in your room like enough… can’t you study somewhere else?” me: “my laptop is in my room, i don’t want to move it” mom: “as if you don’t have your book 🙄” mom: “when you’re done studying ur not going back to ur room ur staying out here”
i finished and ate dinner with my family and the topic of spending time with eachother and being in my room came up i really do hang out with my family by choice and i mentioned it! but everyone just immediately shut it down and denied it. i felt like that wasn’t fair, y’know? no patience for me whatsoever. i just felt frustrated and i wasn’t having fun at all with my family :( i was just trapped there it felt.
they js kept fucking with me!!! and i felt like my family didn’t really enjoy me at all eventually, i messed up and they got upset. i took that as my cue to leave. i’m laying here just thinking that if you don’t really like me anyways then why invite me? if i just ruin every interaction and i’ not fun, why invite me! i think it’d be best for everyone if i just wasn’t well liked so that they’d leave me alone. i don’t have to ruin anything anymore! any thoughts?

Hi everyone,
On May 27th the union held an open house and invited all REM employees and many union members to join and discuss what happened, what's next and to answer questions first hand. These are some of the topics discussed.

The Decision and What to Do Next

(Click here to view the decision)
REM had enough signed cards to auto certify for unionization. The employees of REM were denied their right to representation because the LRB accepted REM's position that supervisors and car cab workers should be part of the collective agreement. The LRB denied that shop workers, office workers, drivers etc. should be part of the agreement.
This technicality voided the application. Unfortunately cards signed and votes taken could not be counted because of this, even if they pulled out supervisor and car cab votes and added them to mechanics and apprentices.
REM supervisors testified that they work in the field upwards of 4 days a week on the tools. We are all aware this is obviously untrue.
The union lawyer stated that he fully believes this decision to throw out the application would be overturned in court, however that would be a lengthy process (months to years). Local 82 and their legal representation believe that applying again with the new terms the LRB has set out for their application is the simplest and fastest way to proceed.
So the plan is simple. Local 82 will apply again with the terms the LRB has supplied. We know we had enough votes last time, and know we can do it again. We just need you to sign a card again and discuss with your co-workers what we can accomplish together.
If you believe that you have a right to better wages, benefits, pension, safety and more, the answer is simple. Stand together with your co-workers and work together to achieve something great.
United we bargain. Divided we beg.

Former Richmond Employees

Former Richmond/current union members spoke up, each and every one explaining how they cannot recommend joining the union enough.
Some of their statements were...
"I'm much happier"
"I wish I could have gone sooner."
"I went over as a first year apprentice 6 years ago and I have never made less than 150k a year here"
"The grass is definitely greener here."
"It was one of the best decisions I've ever made."
"The union feels more like a family than Richmond ever did."
These are people many of you have worked with before. They are respectable former REM employees.

Negotiations

The union presidents talked about giving REM 6 months to negotiate. During this period, all contracts must first be voted on BY US before being ratified and before paying dues. The decision whether to accept an offer from REM will solely rest on us.
If we do not come to an agreement and we do not believe REM is bargaining fairly, we will likely take a strike vote. During a strike, all members' jobs are protected by the Anti-Scab Legislation and REM can not fire us and replace us.
A union's real power resides in its ability to shut down the means of production. We are not contractually bound to the contracts; REM is.
Local 82 has shown great interest in striking with us if it came to that. Their members would still need to vote but everyone present at the meeting was in favor.
The question was raised if REM would fall under the same collective agreement that L82 has set out for other companies already.
The answer is that nobody can say anything for sure until bargaining begins, however union reps stated that their plan is to present their current agreement within 10 days of certification.
There is a large difference in the company composition of a large multinational company such as KONE compared to REM. It is quite possible that the first negotiation will be under a separate agreement with the aim for us to be bridged and caught up in time for the next negotiation (current contract expires Oct 2027).
However, the last time the IUEC certified a company as large as Richmond was Fujitec and they signed the current agreement at the time.
Union reps followed this with a statement explaining how their past bargaining is proof that they do right by their members. Each time they complete a bargaining agreement the increases they earn for their members are larger and larger, proof of this being in their last incredible agreement.

Supervisors in the Collective

Since supervisors have made the choice to testify that they are active mechanics working multiple days a week in the field, they will be part of the collective agreement. Should there be a strike, they must not cross the picket line. If they chose to do so would result in fines and possible expulsion from the collective. This would bar them from working for any IUEC union affiliated company in North America.

MIT's in Mechanic Positions

MIT's in service/maintenance or other departments that have their own routes and are not certified mechanics WILL be protected by the union in the current roles until they have achieved their ticket. You will NOT be removed from your position or have any other negative effects because you do not hold a ticket. You will not be replaced by a ticketed mechanic and your position is yours to keep, as it should be. You will be flagged in the union system until you complete your education and receive your TSBC accreditation.

Contact Info

If you have questions, concerns or anything that may have not been answered here in this subreddit, please reach out to Local 82 reps to ask your questions directly to them. Their phones are always on and their door is always open. They ask that you reach out to them through the phone, text, email or in person to discuss anything you like.
Blair Macmillan - 604-329-4832 - [bmacmillan@iuec.org](mailto:bmacmillan@iuec.org)
Tyler Dunlop - 604-968-3735 - [tdunlop@iueclocal82.com](mailto:tdunlop@iueclocal82.com)
Local 82 Union Hall - 2581 Shaughnessy St, Port Coquitlam, BC V3C 3C4 - 604-293-1281

(USING FAKE NAMES + NOT VERY ORGANIZED LOL) To start, my family on my dad’s side is pretty big. Have tons of cousins and the biggest age gap between any of us is my brother Tyler (11 m) and my oldest cousin Joey (31 m). My dad’s sister Jane (43-ish f) had 3 kids, Polly (19 f), Anna (18 f), and Ben (15 m). Then my dad had me (not revealing) and my brother (11 m). I will say i was born in very quick succession to Jane’s kids. Anyway, sorry for the banter. My mom has always been a very bubbly, loud, speak-her-mind type of woman. women on my father’s side are the same, but there’s just one factor that sets them apart. My mom doesn’t really ever clean, but my aunts and grandmothers really never have a spot anywhere. My aunt Jane is very close with my grandma and her kids are always over at grandma’s house. They’ve always been more favored compared to my brother and I, if Ben had a sports game grandma and grandpa were there. Polly was injured badly when she was 14 and was paralyzed, grandma and grandpa climbed a damn skyscraper for a fundraiser!! If i ever had a soccer game, they would only sometimes come because it interfered with Ben’s schedule. Speaking of the skyscraper fundraiser, the ENTIRE rest of the family was invited up to 3rd cousins except us. I have no idea if we were invited and my mom just turned it down, but it hurts walking past grandma’s fridge and seeing the pictures of my family at the top of a skyscraper without us. I love my cousin so much and I would do anything for her to support her, i just don’t know if she would want us there. My father has also always let work get in the way, or we would always go to a family vacation home for a weekend. My mother just never talks about them. Today something set me off, though. My cousin Katie (27 f) posted a picture of her longtime boyfriend with the newest baby in the family (not her’s, Joey’s). I thought “Oh, cute! Joey is in town!” and then realized they were out to dinner. I thought i knew what restaurant they were at so i looked at snap map to see. All the way out in a town 30 minutes away with the rest of the family!! I had no idea Joey was even coming to visit. I told my mom and she really brushed it off. I told my dad how i felt like we don’t see them enough and he just went “oh, well sorry. we’ll see them fathers day.” I just feel weird for being so mad, i love my family and i just hope its not my fault in any way.

I have been lurking here for a few months since finding out about my boyfriend’s cheating. I feel like I really need perspective and support.
I (35f) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (32m) for a year and a half. When we meet I was going through a divorce and had told him that I was not in a place to be dating at that time but I did like him and really enjoyed spending time with him. We spent a lot of time going out over about 8 months where we were not sexual at all . We genuinely love being around each other.
A few months into us spending time together I had confessed that I had feelings for him I told him I was in IC and had been working on myself to work through the last relationship I was in. He was very supportive and mentioned that things with his ex were “complicated” and that they were still “friends” and were in contact regularly. I questioned this immediately and said I didn’t think it was healthy that he was still in contact with her (they never really cut contact after a 8 year relationship, they were long distance a lot of it but still). I’m a firm believer in strong boundaries with ex partners, obviously with kids that is different (he has not kids). I made it clear that I would never feel comfortable with that relationship and if in the future we did date he would have to cut her out. Obviously we weren’t together so the conversation ended there.
Things progressed over the months (still hanging out, still having a great time) but the ex started to become more pervasive. I told him at around the 7 month mark that I was doing well with IC and felt that I was ready to start dating again and that he had been treating (in many ways) as his girlfriend. He even invited me to spend the holidays with him and his family. I told him that we either had to move forward and be together or I would have to take a step back to make room for another relationship as I wanted to start dating again. I told him I would still be his friend but that things would have to change (we would have to spend way less time together).
More stuff happened in this time but I’ll skip forward so you all don’t have to read too much. We did eventually make things “official” at the start of 2023. However the ex issue came up again. I saw her name pop up on his phone and immediately asked why they were still talking. He said he was “working on it” and that he had significantly decreased contact. I stated again that it would need to end completely and he reassured me it would.
Fast forward… this continued to be an issue. I never asked to see his messages or asked more about what they were talking about because honestly I’m just not that kind of person and it felt almost rude to me to do that, especially when we were newly dating. My boyfriend is honestly a very kind person so I really gave him the benefit of the doubt and tried to let it go. He was going to move to another state (the state where his ex lives) and I was incredibly worried as he seemed to have very poor boundaries and seems to be easily manipulated by her ( I’m not making excuses for him). I told him how stressed I was about this move and he reassured me over and over again. He moved and we visited each other as much as we could (we were on separate coasts).
Things were good but stressful because of the distance and our jobs are very demanding. We were doing some stuff to work on communication and working through a coaching program to help us through the time apart. He started to feel more distant from me and seemed to be more annoyed at times, which was very confusing to me as he was literally never like that.
I finally was able to arrange things with work to move to where he was ( this was always the plan). We drove across the country and had a nice road trip, I was feeling great! We were finally back together. Spent holidays with his family again (his family is quite lovely and are very good to me). But something still felt off. I started having bad dreams about him and his ex, he still felt distant from me and at times it felt that he was avoiding being around me when we were alone in the house.
I felt like I was going crazy, I asked him multiple times if something was going on and told him how I was feeling. He said he would “do better”. I started to think that maybe we weren’t as compatible as I thought, which surprised me. I even brought this up to him.
I started to get very anxious, I moved here to be with him and things felt like they were falling apart. I convinced myself that I was just blowing things out of proportion and I decided I would look at his IPad… I saw what his password was. I felt terrible and decided before I even looked that I would tell him what I did. Well unfortunately I found text messages to her (the last ones saying g he loved her and missed her). I only scrolled through a few weeks worth before I had to stop looking. I called him immediately and he left work to come be with me.
I won’t get into everything but I had to leave for a work trip that would have me be gone for a month about a week after I found out. I told him that I expected everything to be done (blocked/ deleted/ etc). He struggled greatly with this. We have been in Couples Counseling and he has started IC. He had some significant mental health issues which likely contributed to his behavior (not an excuse) as well as very poor self esteem. We have been working towards R for months and think we have finally started a couple weeks ago after the final social media of the ex was blocked.
This has been an incredibly difficult thing to go through. Putting this to the side for one second… I truly love my partner. We are really good together in a lot of ways. I think that he is genuinely a good person that fucked up. He fully admits to everything and blames nothing on me. He is here for every break down I have and he has never been defensive about anything. I believe he has significant guilt/regret/ everything.
I just don’t know how to come back from this especially so early in the relationship. I have read so many people saying they still feel horrible about their partners betrayal many years after. I think I just need guidance/ support/ anything. It feels very lonely to be in this position, trying to make it work when I’m sure everyone will tell me to just leave.
I feel so anxious and scared about everything. I just need something to help me gain perspective and I'm hoping someone will have some. Thank you for anything.

Let me preface this with the past 5 years summarized.
My wife used to smoke when I met her. She smoked when we were married, and for many years after. Due to health concerns, she decided to quit, and did so sometime around 2013.
We used to go away on holidays together as a family. In 2016 I took our son (13 at the time) on a road trip across a lot of the South and Western US States (CO, TX, UT, AZ, NM) while she went to another city to spend time with her daughter from another relationship. Since then, we did not go on holidays or take vacation together at the same time.
In 2017 I went away with our son, and again in 2018 and 2019. Sometime around 2019 I noticed my wife was smoking again, but I decided not to bother her about it, just let it be. I didn't say anything. She would leave to go to the store to smoke, because who goes to the store 2x every day?
She got into the car cruise nights and she would take her daughter along with her. Our son would ask to go, and she would often say no, she had already promised her daughter. Sometimes she would let him go.
She never wanted me to go with her, and in fact said so with excuses all the time ("you don't like sitting in my car, you don't like being around other people a lot, you should have fun with our son playing games instead" you name it). In the fall of 2022, our son told her that we knew she was smoking, when I wasn't home. So at first the nightly shopping trips ceased, as she began smoking outside on the street.
In 2023, for our anniversary, I got her a present and sent her a nice text. She thanked me by text, and didn't do or say anything in return. For my birthday, she didn't get me a card, or a gift. For father's day, same thing, no card, nothing. I had asked her to go away with me on a trip, and she said no. So I took our son on another trip. We had to come home 4 days early because we got sick, and she was upset we arrived early. She had taken the same period off for her holidays without telling me, and was mad that she was off work when I would also be off work and at home.
For her birthday, she didn't want me to do anything or even take her out, and instead went out by herself on a cruise night. At least she said she was going by herself, I didn't verify.
I should mention that during our whole relationship, I have always shared my phone location with her, but she has never shared hers with me, even though I've asked. She said she doesn't trust location services on the phone and so didn't want to use it. Okay, fine. She never would let me see her phone, and she had a passcode she never wanted me to see. Also, we had ceased having any sex sometime around 2018, and stopped kissing each other shortly after.
In the fall of 2023, she wanted to go to a cruise happening in another city, one state over. I said I'd like to go, and it seemed like she wasn't pleased but also not showing it. I could just have been reading that wrong. We went, and checked in to our hotel for the night, and she sat on the couch beside me on her phone for hours. I tried talking and she didn't want to engage. I tried rubbing her back, and touching her and it was like touching a dead person, with no response. When I finally said that I thought maybe we could make love, she said she was too tired for that.
The next day, I told her I wanted to make love to her, and she said she would have to shower first, and when she came out of the shower, we made love. But it was different than it used to be.
She started going out again to the store more frequently, and then it became just going for a drive, or going for a walk after a drive, or just sitting in her car in some random parking lot for 6 hours listening to music (so she said).
Just before Christmas, she went to the car club dinner, and said I wasn't invited so I couldn't go along.
On New Year's Eve, she told me after supper, at 7pm, that she was going to a party that her friend was hosting, and that she wanted to go alone. I was quite upset over this, but didn't say anything. I just let her go, while I sat at home and cried.
The next week, she asked me to book a hotel room for her for middle of January, as she was taking a week of holidays. I was upset, wondering where this was leading, but I did it for her.
After her first night, I texted her and asked how she slept, and she said she didn't sleep well, was up at midnight because car alarms were going off in the parking lot, and she didn't get back to sleep until after 2:30am.
Our anniversary came, and I got her a gift, and sent her a text. She simply said "thank you for the gift" but nothing else. It seemed off, but not like this wasn't a trend. It was just, becoming more distant and off.
From the hotel stay, through until the end of February, she would be out for at least 4-6 hours every single night and the entire weekends. It was drinking with the girls from work (something she never did before) to coffee with a certain friend (we'll call her Nettie), out for a drive, etc. In the beginning of February, our son needed to go to the hospital, and he had texted her to take him, because I had already taken him 4 times in the prior 2 months. She showed up at home to pick him up, and on the way to the hospital, she was texting someone, with her phone held at an angle so he couldn't see. Several times they almost hit another car or went into the ditch.
Finally he shouted at her "who is so important that you're texting, that you're willing to kill us over?" and she angrily just slammed her phone down and said nothing.
On February 29, in the afternoon, she sent me an email that she was separating from me. I didn't see it until 7pm. She came home from work at around 6, and was really weird. I guess she didn't know I hadn't seen it yet. We decided on supper, and she went out to get the food and bring it home. While she was out, I saw the email.
She never gave me any reason why. Here was her email:

I have been unhappy for such a long time, and nothing seems to help us improve our relationship. I am sorry to say this, but this relationship isn’t bringing out the best in either of us so I’ve decided that I want to separate with the intention of reconciliation.
I feel like I don’t have any space in our house. I mentioned using the 2^nd bedroom for my painting and you said right away that you wanted to use it. I stopped even trying to do this.
I would like for you to take care of yourself and get some answers regarding your health and wellness.
Some of the steps I am taking include:
I am currently looking for a place of my own, so we both have space to work on our own stuff. I need time to reflect on myself and discover who I am again. I’m looking for peace within myself and feel I need to do this on my own.
I have opened my own account and my next pay check will be deposited into this account.
I am seeing a counselor.
In restarting our journey, I support your promise to clean up the basement and to sell the stuff. I am also hurting at this time, we both need to heal so we can continue.
I think it's best if we communicate through email for now. I will respond within 24 hours.

After this, she began asking me questions over several days about things, accounts, etc., and I reasoned she was seeing a lawyer. So I made an appointment and saw a lawyer, and we drafted a letter to send to her. In the meantime, before receiving that letter, she filed for divorce, with no possibility of reconciliation, and she filed to take all of my assets, and for a restraining and protection order. She filed to take the house, and have exclusive access to it, etc.
I began trying to figure out where this was all coming from. I started looking at the phone bills, something I had never done before. I reversed phone numbers she had called, and then saw that during the time she was at the hotel, she had zero phone calls, except for one. She received a call at 11:30pm on the first night she was staying there, The same night she mentioned she was awakened by car alarms when I asked how her night was.
Why did she get a phone call at 11:30pm, who was it? Why no other calls for the rest of her stay? People she would talk to knew she was away? She would typically have at least 3-5 calls minimum every single day on her phone.
Unfortunately, incoming calls don't have a call number listed, just that it is incoming. The call lasted for 2 minutes.
While she was 'separated' from me, but still living in the same home, she would not talk to me. At all. One evening, a few weeks after the divorce filing, she was texting someone, and at 9pm she went to bed. Half hour later she got up, and went out the door, and was gone for 2 hours, returning at 11:30pm, going straight to bed. Something she had never done before.
I was blindsided and struck by this separation, and then divorce. I mean, our marriage wasn't great for years, no sex, no intimacy, no "love", but I had figured she just needed some space. I gave her space.
One thing that happened 3 weeks before she separated from me, our son came to me, and told me that his mom was acting really weird for the past while. He said he had some ideas, but he didn't want to tell me because he didn't want to be wrong. I told him I already had ideas, and I had already talked to friends who gave me their opinion, and just spit it out. He said he thought she was cheating on me, and that it was possibly someone from the car cruise group. He told me about the texting incident while driving to the hospital.
Additionally, he told me the first time she took him to the car group, she told him MANY times "you don't have to worry about me, all of these people are married". He said at one point "why are you telling me that?" and she said "well, I didn't want you to think I'm seeing other people behind your dad's back".
On top of this, I had started checking up on her when she would say where she was going. And she wasn't going there. She said she went for coffee at a coworker's house, and when I went for a drive while she was there, I found she wasn't there. She also had texted me at least 8 times that she was going to see Nettie for coffee. Which is funny because I ran into Nettie a few weeks ago, and Nettie hadn't seen her since last summer, when my wife betrayed her trust somehow and walked out on their friendship.
Was my wife cheating on me? She refuses to talk to me. She is telling people lies, like saying that I came to the hotel and checked up on her while she was there, telling the front desk people to "call him if anyone goes to his wife's room". She has told people I know that I had accused her of cheating on me, and I wasn't trusting her, etc.
Is she just done with our marriage? I think it all fell apart 5 years ago, but I'm not entirely sure. The way she was with me, and at home was nearly the same until the day she gave me a separation email, as it was for the prior 5 years. Was she faking it for 5 years?
In the meantime, she has turned her daughter away from me. She and our son went out for the afternoon a couple of months ago, and she told him "isn't it so shitty what dad did to mom?". I didn't do anything... I don't get it.
If she comes crawling back to me, I will not get back together with her. She has proven now that she is 100% untrustworthy. And without trust, there can be no relationship.

Early on the morning after the burial, a group of activists went to the tomb of George Floyd and found the casket dug up and opened. While they were confused, a couple of angels appeared and said, “Do not look for the living amongst the dead. George is not here. George has risen!” Immediately, the activists remembered God’s promises. The group of activists ran back to tell all the others. Nobody believed them. So, they all ran to the tomb and saw for themselves. Amazed, the activists grew more excited with each passing second.
While they were protesting, George Floyd came up from behind and started talking with three activists. Not realizing who he was, the activists started to talk about their pain and heartbreak over George’s death, “There was no reason for any of this. Some people say there is a message of hope to be found in his death. We find such things difficult to believe.” When they got to the end of the protest, the three disciples urged George to have dinner with them. After they started eating, the activists recognized George and he disappeared. Speaking to one another, they said, “How did we not recognize him? Were our hearts not burning within us?” The activists ran to the others and told them, “George has risen!”
While they were still talking, George Floyd appeared and greeted them all warmly. Everyone was terrified and thought he was a ghost. One even shit in her pants. Sensing their fear, George invited them to come and feel were the knee pressed down on his neck. Everyone touched and knew that it was him. While they sat there stunned, George asked, “Do you have anything to eat?” Since there was no food in the house, the disciples ordered some pizzas and had them delivered. Later, munching on a slice of pizza, George said, “I told you justice can never die. You are witnesses of what has happened. Feel the power of God come over you. Go…tell the world…tell them that justice lives.”
Then, George Floyd led them back outside. As he slowly disappeared, he promised that his spirit would remain with them forever. Immediately, they knew that he was telling the truth…for they could feel love burning eternally in their hearts.

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some insight.
I recently adopted a 6 month old kitten. I’ve taken her to the vet, they’ve done a full kitten exam and took a fecal sample. Nothing came back out of the ordinary.
I feed her wet food for breakfast and dinner and dry kibbles for lunch. I notice when she has wet food, she gets horrible farts. I thought it was because I was giving her a brand that didn’t agree with her tummy (fancy feast kitten pate). So I switched her to Tiki Cat baby food (I did this switch slowly over a few days). I still feel like she has the rankest farts ever. Has anyone experienced this or have any advice? Thanks!!

Hello
I used to be close with my sister before she moved to Hawaii. When she left, communication became much more difficult due to the time difference and her working three jobs. Years passed, and she finally moved back to LA. In the meantime, I started working, focusing on my career and getting my life together. Unfortunately, my communication with my family decreased significantly. Some family members live far away, and others are busy with their own lives.
I was invited to my sister’s wedding celebration, which was nice. I was also invited to her baby shower, but I don’t remember when my niece was born, nor do I recall being invited to see her. I was invited to her 2nd birthday party but couldn’t make it because I had to work due to multiple call-offs and no coverage. However, I visited her two days later to drop off her presents.
I then started a traveling job for a year, which made communication with my family even harder. Over the years, my sister never invited me to visit her or have lunch or dinner. I’ve liked her Instagram posts and left comments about how lovely their family is.
Recently, my brother had a baby with his long-term girlfriend. I met the stepmother of my sister, and she made a comment about how sad it is that we’ve become distant. She spoke for the baby, saying, “Don’t disappear, don’t forget about me. I’m going to need you in my life.” This made me feel horrible. It made me question why my sister hasn’t reached out to me or invited me to my niece’s other birthdays. Am I supposed to be the only one reaching out to reconnect?
I’m seeking clarification on whether I’ve been in the wrong or if my sister has also been at fault for not reaching out. I feel like people see me as the problem and the distant one, even though I haven’t been given many opportunities to connect with my niece.
There is a big age gap between my sister and me. I’m 30, and she’s 43. In my mid to late 20s, I was focused on my career and personal life, while my sister has a stable life with a great job and a wonderful husband.
I’m prepared to reach out to my sister and see how we can reconnect and get me back into my niece’s life. I don’t want to be that distant uncle and brother who is seen as the bad person. Any advice would be appreciated.

So I’ve never really struggled getting to know people, I’ve never really been a shy person either, but I feel like I’ve always struggled to turn acquaintances into actual friendships. Like all my acquaintances have that friend that they’re never without. Then there’s me someone’s whose a loner and not by choice. I’m always the last person to receive an invite people will come talk to me when they’re friends aren’t there. Most recently I tried to plan a going away dinner with some people I’ve hung out with, since I’m leaving the state next Monday. In a group chat of 6 people they ended up leaving me on read except for 1 person. That definitely stung me. Anyways, it’s gotten me thinking if I’m doing something wrong? By definition I really don’t have any friends. Am I secretly annoying? People have always told me that I’m really funny but I guess that’s not really a characteristic to getting close friends. How do I turn acquaintances into actual friendships?