My (ex)fiancé and I had been together for almost 6.5 years, engaged for almost 2.5. Over the last several months, my (ex)fiancé has sat me down to talk about our relationship about once a month. Before these conversations, he would shut down and barely speak to me for several days even when I would ask what was wrong. Then he would finally tell me he was ready to have a conversation and would express his frustrations with the relationship. By the time of our conversations, I would already be on the defensive from his recent behavior. I also generally do not receive feedback well. When he would try to tell me that he was unhappy in our relationship because I didn't compliment him enough, flirt with him enough, or tell him I loved him enough, I would shut down. I was not able to hear what he was really trying to tell me. Instead, I put up a wall and told him to love me for who I am. I basically asked him "If I'm happy in our relationship despite my frustrations, why can't you be?" I now realize that is not an appropriate or healthy response when your partner is trying to communicate with you.
I did try to hear him. I gifted him some lingerie for the first time and let him take a boudoir photo shoot of me wearing it. I started sending a few more cute messages. I tried to make more time to cuddle with him when he would ask. I tried to give him more hugs. I tried to thank him more for picking up around the house. I wrote him a cute letter and surprised him with a few gifts for Easter. However, about a month ago, we had another one of those conversations. Except this time the first things he brought up were 'wondering what else is out there' and talking about how other girls are always complimenting him. Again came the walls and extra defensiveness. I ended up writing him a letter talking about how I didn't know if I could ever be what he wanted me to be and that maybe he should think about calling things off. This was obviously a defense mechanism to try to beat him to the punch line and talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. Three weeks later he would sit me down and tell me he wanted to know what else was out there again and that he didn't know if he could go through with marrying me. My efforts did not feel like enough for him and I understand why. I was having a hard time connecting my emotions with my actions which made my actions seem reactionary and not genuine or provoked by love.
I have been through a lot more trauma in my life than I realized. My dad was in the Navy while I was growing up. We had to move every three years. A very pivotal point in my life was when we moved when I was in the 6th grade. I lived right next door to my best friend. I was finding my love for math and theater. I also played soccer and was a Girl Scout. When we moved, I became very depressed, though I didn't understand that's what it was at the time. I stopped all of my extracurricular activities. I stopped getting too close to people because I knew I would have to move or they would have to move eventually. I mostly stayed in my room and kept to myself, even from my family. I also have struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Then, in my senior year of high school, I got my first-ever boyfriend. We were in a relationship for over 4 years. In that relationship, I would always be the one to try to talk about our problems. I would be the one who would always want longer hugs and more cuddles. But it was not a healthy relationship. We broke up and got back together many times. I found several illicit texts to other girls on multiple occasions and he would always gaslight me by saying his younger brother stole his phone or I misinterpreted the messages. I think this caused me not to want to show my emotions because it wasn't reciprocated and resulted in heartache. Then, three years ago my younger brother died in a tragic car accident at the age of 17.
When I realized I could lose the love of my life, I realized that he was right about me not being affectionate enough. I had built up walls to protect myself. I thought I had made progress on my anxiety and depression, but I realized I was wrong. I also realized that I have issues with communication, trust, and vulnerability. I was a great partner in other ways and I did express my love in other ways. I moved across the country, coast to coast, with him to a state where I didn't know anyone so that he could attend his dream school. I take care of the household. I get the majority of the groceries. I do all of the cooking. I do all of the maintenance cleaning. I take care of our 2 cats and 1 dog. I say all of those in the present tense because we currently still live together but are sleeping in separate rooms. I also financially supported him by lending him money and letting him pay less of the rent because I made more money. I accept all of him including that he has terrible time management skills, he can have a hard time controlling his emotions at times, and he is disorganized and messy. I also accepted that I would have to wait for marriage and children because of his school and accepted that he did not have a lot of free time between school, work, and his hobbies. I supported his love for his hobbies by accepting his purchasing of expensive equipment even when he owed me money, traveling to watch several events that were important to him, and traveling to see him win an award from his job. I would write heartfelt cards for every holiday. I also bought him dozens of children's books about love that I wanted us to read to our children one day.
When I realized I could lose him, I felt something change inside me. It was like I could feel a hole being blown in the wall I had built up. I felt all my love for him overwhelm me. I couldn't hug him, kiss him, or tell him I love him enough. I tried to talk to him to apologize for my behavior and how badly I'd hurt him. I tried to explain how I felt like a different person and how I really wanted to work hard on improving myself as a partner to make our relationship work. I tried to prove my words with actions. I wrote a list of things I needed to work on including communication and being more affectionate. I also wrote out a list of ways to work on those things and actually started doing the things on the list. Some of the items I had already begun to do like hug and kiss him more and tell him I love him more. I also tried to ask more questions about his interests/hobbies/day. I was more vulnerable and talked with him about my feelings more. I even initiated intimacy, something I had really only done once in a blue moon when I was intoxicated.
Despite all of my efforts, over the next two weeks, he continued to say he did not know if he could be with me and wanted to know what else was out there. He was very wavering and said multiple times "I don't know what the right decision is." He said he could not trust that my changes would last and that it was probably too late. I begged him to try couples therapy, but he refused and said "Therapy takes too long" and basically said it wasn't worth the time. He finally broke up with me after 2 weeks of going back and forth and I was devastated. He later talked to a mutual friend of ours and changed his mind about therapy. I was so happy to hear that he had changed his mind. However, now I feel like I can't even trust him anymore. He's turning into a person I don't recognize and I don't know what he's capable of anymore. I don't know if the man I love still exists. When he told me he was now agreeable to try therapy he said "We're still broken up, but I won't talk to any other girls." and then promptly said "And it will give me more time to find a place to live if things don't work out." He deleted several Instagram posts that had photos of me after he agreed to try therapy which makes me think he's not actually that open to healing our relationship. He complained to me about how he might have to take out student loans after I told him he needed to pay me for half of the rent while we're broken up and not decreased rate he had been paying me. He also "checked on me" on the night of the 3rd year anniversary of my brother's death when he heard me crying. Then he just sat on the end of the bed scrolling his phone while I cried as if he was checking on me because he felt like he had to and not because he wanted to. When I asked him if he had some sort of deadline in mind for the therapy, because he had previously mentioned that it takes too long, he said July or August and I have a suspicion that is because a girl he likes is leaving for summer break but will be back at the end of August for the next semester.
I just feel like the way he has been acting is not how you act towards someone you were in a relationship with for almost 6.5 years. Especially after saying you still love them and have no negative feelings towards them. That means even though you don't think you are a good relationship match, you should still want to treat them with respect. You should care that they are hurting during this time. You should want to comfort them in their grief of a separate event. You should mean it if you say you want to try therapy.
TL; DR : Do you think therapy will help?

Hi guys!
I dm a high level party. I don't want to say exactly what level, because I know some of my players are on here 😂 so I'm going to try to be vague. They are about to enter a dungeon that they have been building up to for a while now. This isn't going to be the bbeg, but this is the step before bbeg. This party likes dungeons and puzzles and combat, and so I'm trying to incorporate details and encounters that they would normally enjoy. Sometimes, though, they can get loophole happy and find ways to break whatever part of the story they are working on. For example, one of my players is a druid, and I am anticipating the use of stone shape or even a wild shape to burrow through the stone ground and walls of the dungeon. This could potentially allow the party to bypass almost the whole dungeon. I absolutely don't want to hinder my players and make them feel like their characters can't use their awesome abilities that they have worked hard for! But at the same time, I just don't know how to make these things challenging anymore. They don't like it when I make things too easy, but also get upset when their abilities don't work (sometimes this just has to be dm intervention) It also doesn't help that at the beginning, I allowed way too many OP things. Any ideas of how I can reasonably not allow for them to just burrow through the stone dungeon and skip things the majority of the party would enjoy, but not shut down their cool ideas altogether? Thanks!

"As a gastroenterologist, I frequently meet with patients who are adamant that a Candida infection is the cause of their ailments. Patients experiencing a range of symptoms, including digestive problems, sometimes believe they have an overgrowth of Candida in their gastrointestinal (GI) tract and want to know what to do about it. Their insistence is perhaps not surprising, given how many many websites and social media ‘gurus’ share lists of symptoms supposedly tied to Candida infections. Even cookbooks exist with recipes specifically tailored to “cure” someone of Candida infection through dietary changes. Some articles aim to counter the hype – for example, an article titled “Is gut Candida overgrowth actually real, and do Candida diets work?” Yet patients are too often confused about the evidence on Candida and other fungi in the GI tract. In a 2021 ISAPP presentation on the gut mycobiome, I provided a clinical perspective on fungal infections and the related evidence base.
Fungal infections do occur
Much of the misinformation I encounter on Candida infections focuses on selling a story that encourages people to blame Candida overgrowth as the cause of their symptoms and undertake expensive or complicated dietary and supplement regimens to “cure” the infection. This is not to say that fungal infections do not take place in the body. Fungal infections, from Candida or other fungi, frequently occur on the nails or skin. Patients taking oral or inhaled steroids may develop Candida infections in the oropharynx and esophagus. Immunocompromised patients also face a greater risk of Candidiasis and Candidemia—these include HIV patients; patients undergoing chemotherapy; transplant patients; and patients suffering from malnutrition.
Fungal infections are rare in the GI tract
Regardless, instances of documented Candida infection in the GI tract remain few in number. One study published in the 90s reported 10 patients hospitalized with severe diarrhea¹. These patients suffered from chronic illness, underwent intense antimicrobial treatment or chemotherapy, and faced severe outcomes such as dehydration—and clinicians consistently identified the growth of Candida albicans in the patient fecal samples. Other studies on the matter lack the clinical evidence to conclude that fungal infections drive GI disease. A study examining small intestinal fungal overgrowth identified instances of fungal overgrowth among 150 patients with unexplained symptoms². However, the lack of documentation of response to an antifungal treatment protocol makes it difficult to attribute the observed symptoms to the presence of fungal organisms."
https://isappscience.org/the-gut-mycobiome-and-misinformation-about-candida/
.
"According to the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology, the concept of Candida overgrowth syndrome should be regarded as “speculative and unproven” unless supported by competent research.
And from the current evidence, there is no proof that – if it is a real condition – it is directly responsible for other health issues or disease.
It makes sense then that no specific candida diet or antifungal medicine can help treat it. In fact, no treatment has been shown to consistently eliminate symptoms, which makes me even more skeptical.
If you’ve experienced long-term symptoms associated with Candida overgrowth, talk to your doctor first. There are many potential causes of such symptoms, and more serious issues must be ruled out."

This is more directed to women I suppose but feel free to share your thoughts otherwise.
I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be in our 40s or approaching 40 as single and childless in Singapore. It's a topic that doesn't seem to come up often enough, so I wanted to hear from you all.
For those of us in this age group, how do you feel about not being married and childless? In Singapore, there's this strong expectation to settle down and start a family by a certain age. But life isn't always so straightforward I guess, too many curveballs.
I always thought I'd have a future with someone special by now. But things didn't turn out as planned. Had my share of relationships, and honestly, most of them didn't end well. I think I have a very people-pleasing trait that attracts a lot of energy vampires and narcissists and I tend to ignore red flags. However, I've learned a lot from those experiences and can see things more clearly now. Now, I'm feeling pretty jaded about the whole dating thing imho
On top of that, I'm of Indian and Eurasian ancestry, and our communities here are quite small. This makes the peer pressure even more intense. It feels like everyone knows everyone else's business, and there's this unspoken expectation to hit certain life milestones. While I'm not really feeling FOMO, it's tough being surrounded by people who think that getting married and having kids is the epitome of success.
I've noticed that some of my friends who are single and childless seem to be leading very mundane, Groundhog Day sort of lives. It feels like they're just going through the motions, perhaps to avoid thinking about what they might be missing.
Another thing that scares me is the number of divorces happening around people in this age group. And this is very hard to say, but while I was dating in the last few years, I came across so many married men on these sites in their 30s and 40s. Even friends who are married with kids behave like they're single. It makes me feel like they aren't fulfilled in their marriages and are looking for something else or just variety. I don't know, but it scares me a lot.
So, how do you deal with these societal expectations? Have you found fulfillment in other parts of your life? How do you balance personal happiness with all the external pressures?
Would love to hear your wisdom and experiences. Let's support each other and share some advice!

Hey reddit bit of a weird/sad one for ya today. Just a throwaway account and I might end up deleting all this within the week.
Sorry if I get ramble-y and all over the place I'm just shooting off my stream of consciousness. Sorry for the trauma/info dump and any grammaspelling errors.
I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now and we've just started getting more touchy and intimate over the past month or so.We've talked a bit about intimacy the past few months but I have a few personal issues with it.When I dated my ex of 4 years he was pretty pushy about sexual stuff cause we were in a long distance relationship and he was just a touchy physical guy in general, and I've been a good little church girl all my life with no experience.
We did a lot of stuff I probably wasn't ready for. When we first met in person we just went right to making out and oral but no intercourse. This was consensual but looking back I was probably too shy to say no...I haven't been in the best mind space anyway the past few months I guess and haven't been turned on by anything me and my partner have done. I feel more romantic attraction than sexual, but lately there has been a lack of emotion on my side of things. I don't feel anything when we kiss, i just feel like im there, kissing him. As sad as that is to say. It hurts writing that out because i desperately want to feel something, anything. When I'm alone I have no problem getting myself off, I probably prefer it. I like the fantasy of it more than the physicalness. But I just shut down when I get with a partner.
I have a lot of brain blocks from religion (the classic repressed church girl saving herself for marriage blah) I'm still a virgin. I highly doubt I'm ever going to have sex with him honestly... it's not even a marriage thing, at this point I don't care if I get married or not. I'm not sure if I trust anyone enough with my body to feel good or get over the mental barrier that keep me from enjoying sexual things with a partner.
Which brings me to two questions.
Am I some kind of asexual?
Or just low-key traumatized from past pushy experiences?
Or both? (probably :/ )
Well... I mean I definitely don't feel asexual... I believe I have a fearful avoidant/disorganized attachment style. (Self diagnosed)
Fast forward to now with my current boyfriend, he's very kind, sweet and all around gentlemen. He makes me feel safe and happy. I haven't told him much about my ex cause I just want to leave the past in the past.
But I guess over this past month I've just been like low-key triggered when he asks me to touch him?Which brings me to tonight. We were making out for a while and he asks me to touch him and I just can't get into it. I didn't want to say no to him and ruin the mood, I want him to be happy.
Now that im thinking about it I'm started to repeat some of the behaviour I did with my ex... but im more aware of what im doing now... I am a people pleaser, but it's also just a hand job right? Big whoop. The first time I did it I felt a little grossed out when he finished... and the same thing happened tonight when he finished but I felt disgusted and almost gagged by the feeling and texture of it all... I cant get into it mentally. But hey he thanked me and was satisfied right?
No he hasn't asked to make me feel good or anything, I wouldn't ask that of him because it's too embarrassing and I don't think I could get into it... I don't understand why I would be so disgusted enough to hold back and almost gag.
I don't have a strong gag reflex, I had a dog before and never minded picking up after him or cleaning up my baby cousins vomit.
So am I just doomed and ruined to never enjoy sexual stuff reddit? I want to make my partner happy but it shouldn't come of the cost of me feeling the need to push past what I think and feel and need in that moment.
I said yes to a lot of things in the past with my ex because that's what girlfriends do yadda yadda and I'm gonna have to deal with this real soon and have a talk with my boyfriend about why this is a problem for me...
I uh realize this is probably a good talk to have with a therapist about "sexual trauma" and "repression/suppression" and all that fun stuff but that's not really an option at the moment, so I turn to you reddit experts for advice haha. (Yes I realize yall aren't trained professionals but the only people i can turn to atm)
I probably know the answers to what yall are gonna say but any advice would be cool I guess. I can reply to comments below and might update and edit within the week

I have had this idea for a while now, but if it has been discussed here please let me know.
The game calculate everyblock interaction with each other, be it temperature, gas exchange, piping etc.. So the more of them we have, the more the game has to calculate. So to improve the performance, could we reduce these calculations while not making the final outcome different? Yes, kinda.
Introducing the "black box factories". Let me explain its features. Imagine a rocket command block but can be built anywhere underground. It has no building restrictions and you can choose the in and out for piping. Yes, this essentially create more blocks in a hidden area of the game. But once the player happy with the design, we can simulate the black box 10 cycles (or more) to get the average inputs and outputs (heat included) per tick. Then we seal off access to the factory and the game now treat the whole blackbox as one entity/machine on the map with io ports. The inaccessible box internal now has all calculations turned off, essentially saving performance. Of course player can reopen the factory of modifications and repeat the simulation/seal. For example we can turn a SPOM or crude oil refinery using lava into factories. Saving huge amounts of calculations per tick
I don't want to go too deep in implementation because I hope to deliver the concept of instead recalculating the same math, lets use the results we had.
I believe the idea I just described will massively make the game performant. But I also know this might be impossible due to the way the game was coded. Hopefully we can achieve this by our talented modders and devs.
Thanks for coming to my Ted talk. Sorry english not my mother tounge.

My (ex)fiancé and I had been together for almost 6.5 years, engaged for almost 2.5. Over the last several months, my (ex)fiancé has sat me down to talk about our relationship about once a month. Before these conversations, he would shut down and barely speak to me for several days even when I would ask what was wrong. Then he would finally tell me he was ready to have a conversation and would express his frustrations with the relationship. By the time of our conversations, I would already be on the defensive from his recent behavior. I also generally do not receive feedback well. When he would try to tell me that he was unhappy in our relationship because I didn't compliment him enough, flirt with him enough, or tell him I loved him enough, I would shut down. I was not able to hear what he was really trying to tell me. Instead, I put up a wall and told him to love me for who I am. I basically asked him "If I'm happy in our relationship despite my frustrations, why can't you be?" I now realize that is not an appropriate or healthy response when your partner is trying to communicate with you.
I did try to hear him. I gifted him some lingerie for the first time and let him take a boudoir photo shoot of me wearing it. I started sending a few more cute messages. I tried to make more time to cuddle with him when he would ask. I tried to give him more hugs. I tried to thank him more for picking up around the house. I wrote him a cute letter and surprised him with a few gifts for Easter. However, about a month ago, we had another one of those conversations. Except this time the first things he brought up were 'wondering what else is out there' and talking about how other girls are always complimenting him. Again came the walls and extra defensiveness. I ended up writing him a letter talking about how I didn't know if I could ever be what he wanted me to be and that maybe he should think about calling things off. This was obviously a defense mechanism to try to beat him to the punch line and talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. Three weeks later he would sit me down and tell me he wanted to know what else was out there again and that he didn't know if he could go through with marrying me. My efforts did not feel like enough for him and I understand why. I was having a hard time connecting my emotions with my actions which made my actions seem reactionary and not genuine or provoked by love.
I have been through a lot more trauma in my life than I realized. My dad was in the Navy while I was growing up. We had to move every three years. A very pivotal point in my life was when we moved when I was in the 6th grade. I lived right next door to my best friend. I was finding my love for math and theater. I also played soccer and was a Girl Scout. When we moved, I became very depressed, though I didn't understand that's what it was at the time. I stopped all of my extracurricular activities. I stopped getting too close to people because I knew I would have to move or they would have to move eventually. I mostly stayed in my room and kept to myself, even from my family. I also have struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Then, in my senior year of high school, I got my first-ever boyfriend. We were in a relationship for over 4 years. In that relationship, I would always be the one to try to talk about our problems. I would be the one who would always want longer hugs and more cuddles. But it was not a healthy relationship. We broke up and got back together many times. I found several illicit texts to other girls on multiple occasions and he would always gaslight me by saying his younger brother stole his phone or I misinterpreted the messages. I think this caused me not to want to show my emotions because it wasn't reciprocated and resulted in heartache. Then, three years ago my younger brother died in a tragic car accident at the age of 17.
When I realized I could lose the love of my life, I realized that he was right about me not being affectionate enough. I had built up walls to protect myself. I thought I had made progress on my anxiety and depression, but I realized I was wrong. I also realized that I have issues with communication, trust, and vulnerability. I was a great partner in other ways and I did express my love in other ways. I moved across the country, coast to coast, with him to a state where I didn't know anyone so that he could attend his dream school. I take care of the household. I get the majority of the groceries. I do all of the cooking. I do all of the maintenance cleaning. I take care of our 2 cats and 1 dog. I say all of those in the present tense because we currently still live together but are sleeping in separate rooms. I also financially supported him by lending him money and letting him pay less of the rent because I made more money. I accept all of him including that he has terrible time management skills, he can have a hard time controlling his emotions at times, and he is disorganized and messy. I also accepted that I would have to wait for marriage and children because of his school and accepted that he did not have a lot of free time between school, work, and his hobbies. I supported his love for his hobbies by accepting his purchasing of expensive equipment even when he owed me money, traveling to watch several events that were important to him, and traveling to see him win an award from his job. I would write heartfelt cards for every holiday. I also bought him dozens of children's books about love that I wanted us to read to our children one day.
When I realized I could lose him, I felt something change inside me. It was like I could feel a hole being blown in the wall I had built up. I felt all my love for him overwhelm me. I couldn't hug him, kiss him, or tell him I love him enough. I tried to talk to him to apologize for my behavior and how badly I'd hurt him. I tried to explain how I felt like a different person and how I really wanted to work hard on improving myself as a partner to make our relationship work. I tried to prove my words with actions. I wrote a list of things I needed to work on including communication and being more affectionate. I also wrote out a list of ways to work on those things and actually started doing the things on the list. Some of the items I had already begun to do like hug and kiss him more and tell him I love him more. I also tried to ask more questions about his interests/hobbies/day. I was more vulnerable and talked with him about my feelings more. I even initiated intimacy, something I had really only done once in a blue moon when I was intoxicated.
Despite all of my efforts, over the next two weeks, he continued to say he did not know if he could be with me and wanted to know what else was out there. He was very wavering and said multiple times "I don't know what the right decision is." He said he could not trust that my changes would last and that it was probably too late. I begged him to try couples therapy, but he refused and said "Therapy takes too long" and basically said it wasn't worth the time. He finally broke up with me after 2 weeks of going back and forth and I was devastated. He later talked to a mutual friend of ours and changed his mind about therapy. I was so happy to hear that he had changed his mind. However, now I feel like I can't even trust him anymore. He's turning into a person I don't recognize and I don't know what he's capable of anymore. I don't know if the man I love still exists. When he told me he was now agreeable to try therapy he said "We're still broken up, but I won't talk to any other girls." and then promptly said "And it will give me more time to find a place to live if things don't work out." He deleted several Instagram posts that had photos of me after he agreed to try therapy which makes me think he's not actually that open to healing our relationship. He complained to me about how he might have to take out student loans after I told him he needed to pay me for half of the rent while we're broken up and not decreased rate he had been paying me. He also "checked on me" on the night of the 3rd year anniversary of my brother's death when he heard me crying. Then he just sat on the end of the bed scrolling his phone while I cried as if he was checking on me because he felt like he had to and not because he wanted to. When I asked him if he had some sort of deadline in mind for the therapy, because he had previously mentioned that it takes too long, he said July or August and I have a suspicion that is because a girl he likes is leaving for summer break but will be back at the end of August for the next semester.
I just feel like the way he has been acting is not how you act towards someone you were in a relationship with for almost 6.5 years. Especially after saying you still love them and have no negative feelings towards them. That means even though you don't think you are a good relationship match, you should still want to treat them with respect. You should care that they are hurting during this time. You should want to comfort them in their grief of a separate event. You should mean it if you say you want to try therapy.
TL;DR : So should I break up with my ex-fiancé or should I keep fighting to get back the man I love?

Another weekend, another ominous thunderstorm and accompanying rain keeping me from playing outside. Checking out stores >> getting struck by lightening. Today’s journey took me towards Lakewood because I didn’t want to sit in the I-25 parking lot but still wanted to get south/west-ish after not being able to even get a parking spot at REI for their big sale event - so with the storm in mind and time to kill, that’s where I ended up.
Without further ado, starting from Hwy 6 since that's about where I-25 ground to a halt, and Wadsworth, going south:
Bingo AJ Liquors - shooters and minimal shelfers - Rating: Don’t bother
Spirit Shop (Belmar Crossing) - mostly shelfers with some okish bottles up top behind the counter but nothing that was ‘wow’. Didn’t bother to ask for prices on those. Ok pricing on stuff that was elsewhere on wall. Not a giant selection, but if you live nearby… ok whatever. Rating: not making a return trip.
Mile High Wine Spirits - Belmar - Relatively plain selection with decent variety of non-shelfers, ok prices, nothing special though. A few store picks in boxes near the front. Rating - probably won’t drive across the city on a return trip, but not bad either.
Quality Discount Liquor Wads - Not even standard shelfers - Rating: don’t bother
Giant Discount Liquors - Basic shelfer selection with some local bottles thrown in. I can appreciate that. Good stuff super marked up behind counter. Example: 200 JD10 and Bowman. Pass. A OF SiBBP (probably a CO pick)… didn’t see price, but based on the other stuff up there, asking would have just left me disappointed. Rating: Pass.
Wads Liquor and Wine - 5x Weller greens happily on a shelf, 4x EHT smb tubes 'bout 150. 2x Horsey Juices 115ish. A BT fanboy or someone who was riding the hype train with money to burn would be happy here. I would be if I was on the hype train, but I kept on going… MM BEP 75ish. KC12 75 (kind of my bellwether, a store generally gets an ‘A’ if KC12 is in the 60s. Overall sentiment: fair prices and decent selection. Would return if I was in the area just to look around.
Trading Post Liquors - fairly wide and diverse selection out on the shelf for a non-mega store. However, anything even remotely “special” was pretty marked up behind the counter. JD10 for 200 ish etc… Rating: If I lived nearby, I’d probably occasionally hit it up to support local.
Quincy Costco - Willet 4yr Rye 65, both Larceny A124 & C923 - 55. Need to give the liquor manager a high five for picking good stuff. Other bottles were present, of course, but these two at their respective price points piqued my interest. After one of the posts last night about A124, I had a hard time not picking up a bottle for a rainy day, no pun intended. Rating: Top Costco in front range for hard liquor, followed closely by DIA. Worth the drive.
TW Littleton & Centennial - Littleton seemed to be price matching Costco - because they too had 65 4yr Willet rye. A later stop at the Centennial TW had it closer to 90 like a lot of other places. Can’t blame them for trying I guess!
I was overall surprised to see Bardstown offerings come down in price… a sign of bourbon deflation? A sign of the economy? A thrust for market share? Their own 6 year juice being ready? Bardstown White label Origin 38, Black label Origin BiB 43, Red Disco 9 140, Rye for 51.
Also had the lowest prices on Michters standard offerings I’ve seen, in the < 45 range. Finally, it seemed they’re really pushing their house brands, particularly Walcott. At least it says that it’s Barton right on the front. Why do I say this? There didn't seem to be as much variety in store picks as I remember a few months ago, but there were shelves and shelves and boxes of their house brands.
That's it for today!
Disclaimer: Note that my trip reports are specifically in the context of looking for (primary American) whiskey & bourbon that I’m interested in - not necessarily hunting for allocated bottles, just looking out for things that I’d like to try that I probably read a review of on one of the bourbon/whiskey subs here. I would not turn down a WFP or gold top horse juice if I saw one for a good price, but I have a personal rule about not paying much more than MSRP - there’s too much good stuff out there to try instead.
Instead, when I'm out, I like to drive around and look for "holes in the wall" that might be worth returning to in the future should I be in the specific part of town visiting a friend, or something like that. A place with good prices or a good selection, or ideally both. Plus I get to see other parts of town I've never been to. People who post their stories of favorite stores or epic finds here got me started and have resulted in some great finds for myself, so I'm returning the favor.

I (31F) have been married to my (32M) husband for 6 years, we have been together for 10. We seem to continuously have the same argument, he is not emotionally available for me and I am too "needy" and "sensitive" to him. I complain about this often, as I have felt neglected and unloved for a while now. We sometimes talk about things and then our lives get better until they decline again, this has been the same cycle for years now. I often try things to get him to open up and be more considerate not just for the sake of our relationship but for the world, he can be pretty mean and is definitely a hot head which creates issues with family and work. I purchased a deck of card that has relationship questions to deepen your connection with you sig oth and he reluctantly agreed to play with me, after 4 questions or so, he just gave short answers and at the end he just "couldn't think of anything", this really hurt my feelings as this was a question regarding how he felt about me now versus when we first started dating, I told him this upset me, and he shut down, i started crying and told him I didn't want to keep playing the game. This was a week ago or so. I just let it go and moved on. We did not talk about it. Last night, we had a bbq at a friend's house, at the end of the night everyone went home besides the host/her bf, me and my husband. We had been drinking a bit so she(the host) started thanking us for coming and telling us how happy she is we came over and how she loves us, my husband quickly started reciprocating the feelings saying he had a great night, he is so thankful for our friendship, etc, we all shared a drink and talked about the success of the evening.
Now, I feel so fucking upset over this, it was difficult to watch him express his emotions so clearly and easily to other people when I have been trying for years to get him to express his love for me in any way. I have felt disconnected from him so i have asked for some sort of confirmation of our love, a card, a recording, via text, anything really, and all I get is a shrug, or a "idk what to say", or "that feels like homework". I feel like this was my breaking point after years of trying, I have not spoken to him since last night. I am so drained I honestly don't even want to start an argument and he is an avoidant and is currently nursing a hangover.
I had considered couples counseling in the past so we can work on ways to communicate better since this is a skill I feel we both lack in. He's never been thrilled about it but said he would give it a try. After last night i dont know if my marriage is salvageable anymore. I now see he can be emotional and loving but just never towards me. Im here for an outsiders perspective, am i over reacting? I know im not perfect and have lots of issues im currently working on in therapy myself, but I'd like to feel like my home life is my safe space like it used to be. Thank you in advance.

Very long post so heres the tl; dr:
mother is a horrible person, extremely right wing and narcissistic, extremely controlling of me and I’m reaching my breaking point.
now the actual post:
Ok, this is kind of a vent post. It has more to do with narcissistic parenting than LGBT things, but it’s kind of related.
So my mom has always been a MAGA at heart. It was the way she was raised, in a small conservative town, where the church was where she made friends. Now this wasn’t really a direct issue for me until I realized I was queer, but beyond the MAGA ideology, she is an insane narcissist.
My grandma has agreed with me. She acts high and mighty, but as soon as you question her, she lets down her boiling rage unto you. Like, for example she has taken money for an award that I won, about $200, “for safekeeping” but when I asked about it a few weeks earlier we got into a screaming match about whether I even got money for it. When I showed her proof I did she grounded me and took away everything I owned.
Another time she wouldn’t let me drive 5 minutes to a track meet (I’m in track) as she was “worried I would crash” even though I’ve been driving for over a year. My father is no better. He allows for this to happen and when I question her, he says “just play the game”. As if to say that I must humor this horrible person who I’ve had the unwanted pleasure of living with.
However, this wretchedness of hers has recently ramped up because of the fascinating app named Facebook. What an amazing app, right? It turned a MAGA head into an even more right wing monstrosity. Now she’s an anti vaxxer, makes me plug my phone in outside my room in fear of the “5g”, won’t let me go into the sea in fear of “shallow-water sharks”, and won’t let me go thrifting (one of the few things that actually makes me happy) due to “them not washing the clothes” WHICH THEY DO!
I swear to god, she lives based on fear and then plays the victim card when you tire of her fucking bullshit. And then just recently she caught me wearing eyeliner and threw a hissy fit about how “no son of hers would be a fa*got”. I was able to convince her it was just one of my friends that put it on me.
This isn’t the first time she’s shamed me either, when I got caught SH’ing she screamed how “no son of hers would do something so horrible” and said that I was a “fucking idiot”. And then only after that did she try to comfort me asking what was wrong... She just fuels me with rage and then has the gall to come into my room and say some shit like “I feel like you don’t talk to me”. LIKE NO FUCKING SHIT I DON’T, YOU’RE THE REASON I WANT TO MOVE ACROSS THE COUNTRY AND CHANGE MY NAME. and not to mention im not exactly the most sociable person so I already have incredible mental health issues (hence the sh) but then she adds onto them by being a horrible person.
But then, after all this. she has the fucking nerve to come into my room and say she loves me? I’m pulling my goddamn hair out because of this hag and then she says she “loves me”. You don’t get to make me feel bad after ruining me like you did. Oh another thing, she is constantly invading my privacy, until recently shes had a parenting software on my phone (could look at my screen from her screen, block all apps, etc) and also has life360 to track me wherever I go. Like whenever i stopped by the dollar tree literally less than a minute away from my school and when I got home she screamed at me and took everything away from me, including my god damn door as if i have too much privacy.
I’m honestly reaching my breaking point and worried that I might do something i regret because oh my god i just can’t take any of her shit anymore.
anyone here relate 😘😘

So, I thought I had this amazing marriage. I loved my "husband" deeply - until he blind sided me one day by telling me he was only using me. I had no idea - apparently he was gay and used me as a beard to appear "normal". 20 years. He felt it necessary to tell me how he had never loved me, was never attracted to me, couldn't wait to have a real relationship....I felt like I had been sucker punched in the face.
He looked me in the eye and said he was so happy and excited to finally live the life he wanted and be in love. And then walked out.
He completely abandoned me. Emptied the accounts and disappeared. I had a half renovated house, 6 pets, all the bills. There were points where I wanted to give up on life. I crawled through. I picked myself up....and filed for my own divorce. He refused every form of communication until the last hour before the divorce would have gone through. Then he attacked.
9 months of abuse. Hate spewed at me. Blame. He insulted everything about me. Accused me of everything under the sun. It got to the point where I refused all communication unless it was through my lawyer. $30,000 in lawyer bills. I had to endure 8 hours of mediation where he hurled all kinds of evil at me. During the lunch "break" I cried in the bathroom.
This has been the most de-humanizing experience of my life. He told me how he's in therapy to figure out how he was able to sleep with me because he was so repulsed by me. He accused me of stealing money. He called me stupid and a failure at life.
And this entire time I have gritted my teeth and done my best to take the high road. I did my best to not stoop to his level. Honestly...I just wanted to have even one good memory and not feel like my entire adult life was a lie...
He made sure that I had nothing left. He took everything I loved. He destroyed me as a human being. And if I ever said anything he would scream at me about how he has never done anything to me, how I am the evil b*tch that ruined his life, trapped him in marriage, how I never supported him.
Then I found out I had to PAY HIM out in the divorce. So...I owed him money for putting me through years of hell.
And I'm tired.
Maybe this makes me petty. I honestly don't know anymore....but, in all of this, I have never had a chance to say anything about what I've been through. I've never got to scream or call him names. He legit just walked away and completely ignored me and pretended I no longer existed. Hell I actually got covid not long after he walked out and ended up needing medical help....he knew, and couldn't be bothered to once ask how I was doing.
I think that was the hardest part of all of this....to him, I was just a disposable piece of trash.
So....if I send him a "thank you for the divorce you narcissistic asshole, karma's a bitch" card...is that an appropriate level of petty? Not that it will do anything, but I have a lot of built of anger and rage from this whole situation and everything has just been so incredibly unfair....

Recommended watch: XG vs Falcons game 1, G2.iG vs Liquid game 1
Note: No meta section because there were too few games. I included the portraits for G2.iG vs Spirit but I wasn't able to watch the series.

Lower Bracket Quarterfinals

Spirit vs Boom

https://preview.redd.it/hvg5ywry8b1d1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=bc480066d32d8f7ca8b14c2d90441ab0f9e33a4c
Both sides were neck and neck in terms of networth in the early to mid game despite Boom boasting a better kill count. The game turned in Spirit's favor in the 27th minute when the fight for the second Rosh saw Boom use their big ultimates and only got 1 support kill for it while they had 3 casualties including Naga & Enigma. Spirit would get the Aegis and most of the momentum. All 3 cores on Spirit would become huge while only Naga scaled well for Boom. The introduction of hex on Lina meant quick exterminations. The Pango was a recurring victim of Lina's fiery show. The Enigma was never given a chance to have a game-altering Black Hole. Boom on top of being beaten down by Slardar and Lina had an enormous Chrono problem which they don't have an answer for. Once all 3 cores on Spirit had their BKBs the fight went one way. This was an outmatch. Spirit 1-0 Boom.
https://preview.redd.it/jqxs06i19b1d1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=8f48387a825ae4a290bc5b5d928c9a72666d462b
Boom felt powerless against the onslaught that came their way. Bristleback, Dragon Knight, and Doom kept charging relentlessly. Boom tried to offer some resistance but they got run over. Pakazs' Gyro valiantly participated in the fights but he died in each one. Solar Bind & Corrosive Haze were countered by the upgraded Ink Swell. Yatoro's Bristle was unanswered and he had no problems taking his team to the next round. Spirit 2-0 Boom.

Liquid vs G2.iG

https://preview.redd.it/e7e99iq89b1d1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=961347ff80cf525c743bc78bd9e3f9340c23a394
This was a pretty back-and-forth game but it was Liquid who did most of the initiative. By the 52nd minute, Liquid had brought down 2 lanes of racks and were attempting to get Megas but they got deterred by G2.iG. Liquid still looked like they had the upper hand as their side had the necessary tools to shut down Weaver but all it took was one moment of brilliance in the mid lane where Weaver + Rapier & Disruptor with Aghs caught & killed 3 overzealous players. With no buyback on Monkey King, the Dire were able to demolish Radiant's base and get the dub. This was G2.iG snatching victory from what looked like a game Liquid should have won. G2.iG 1-0 Liquid.
https://preview.redd.it/r1h9pzxa9b1d1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=151e7862956d4536b61615f88c24136ca6c03642
This time around, the roles were reversed. Liquid were playing from behind and G2.iG were the ones on the front foot. Liquid tried the recipe from the previous game of buying a Divine Rapier on their carry (Luna) and it did deter the opponent momentarily but if you keep letting your opponents take multiple swings at you, one haymaker is bound to hit and knock you out. The Radiant were stuck in their base and the Dire had complete control of the map. G2.iG bided their time, waited for Roshan, and only sieged with an Aegis. With Mega Creeps, 3 obese cores, and only Luna being the real threat to their side, G2.iG waited for the Glyph to go down and simply went all in on the throne. There wasn't much Liquid could do except type gg. G2.iG 2-0 Liquid.

Falcons vs Xtreme Gaming, Upper Bracket Finals

https://preview.redd.it/uhku7byg9b1d1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=5e7e1e355ae14734658d37e150a2432428f29657
Things were looking grim for XG. Falcons won every lane. Bristleback was killed 3 times before 10 minutes. Falcons didn't let up. They kept hunting and they kept finding the fights. XG were relegated to responding to what Falcons were doing on the map. But somehow, Ame found his farm and one wrong jump on the Bristleback changed the complexion of the game. A smoke play from FLC at minute 25 ended as a disaster when they jumped Bristleback who was farming in his triangle. FLC were not able to bring anyone down in the chaos. XG took advantage and brought down 4 on the side of FLC. Falcons would learn their lesson and go for Bristle's teammates at the next hunt. FLC would find 3 successive kills on their next smoke play. In a 2v5 scenario, FLC tested the high ground and got a kill on Ame but they overstayed their welcome as the rest of XG respawned before they could take any significant objective. FLC could not exit cleanly and lost 3 lives. XG would then trade out their mid barracks + tier 2 top + their tormentor for an Aegis on Viper. The game became passive and this benefitted XG (Midas on Viper + Bane). Marci eventually got to her BKB and at that point, even Davion didn't want to mess with her. A skirmish in front of Radiant's Tier 3 ended up as a complete annihilation with Marci getting 3 kills. FLC then smoked up, only found Ame, and decided to have a go at him. They couldn't finish him off (déjà vu). Marci once again went for the Enigma to make sure no Black Hole could be used. It was a 4 for nothing and that was it. This is an incredible statement from XG. They lost all their lanes and were getting beat up early on but their resilience and ability to come back was a joy to watch (Having xinQ's Marci helps too). XG 1-0 FLC.
https://preview.redd.it/ozq57czi9b1d1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=fc98df6a449720bc8926e012c4338f777cce3422
I was hoping for a closer game but XG were just too good. Falcons didn't have as good of a start as game 1 and XG were more than happy to slowly take over. The Bane and Earthshaker were such good picks against the opposition. The Black Hole could be stopped from a distance. The Pango had to be careful with his positioning against the Fiend's Grip. The 3 cores on XG had incredible damage which synergized very well with the control of their supports. Ame had a relatively free game. Once he had his Daedalus, taking objectives and the lives of his enemies became a breeze. Falcons weren't given any openings so XG continued their unbeaten streak to 12 games. They have yet to drop a single game in this tournament. XG 2-0 FLC.

G2.iG vs Spirit, Lower Bracket Semifinals

I wasn't able to watch the games but it looks like Spirit gave them a drubbing.
https://preview.redd.it/q9wcn2en9b1d1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=0f43f4a050b07f1f1902c871aa61312cd053bd83
https://preview.redd.it/dmp99sxs9b1d1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=afca27f88a4d81eaa84cbdc790ad3e4ec54b57c5

My partner and I have a truly wonderful relationship. She’s one of a kind and I do have this deep feeling and knowledge that we are a perfect fit for each other.
We of course have standard relationship issues. I struggle with communication a lot. I am simply horrible at communicating. It’s been a problem for the entirety of our relationship of two years. Aside from that, I love her and I love us. I struggle a lot with letting myself be happy in our relationship. We’re both very loving, supportive, closely bonded, all the good things that would signify being happy. I just have this undying expectation of how I should feel more and more in love with her everyday. How I should have this warm feeling inside, I should look her at feel this burst of love every time, I should just feel love and happiness and I think my expectations get in the way of just existing with her.
I really love her so much, there’s not a thing I wouldn’t do for her. I know if I didn’t have rocd, we’d honestly probably be engaged and I wouldn’t have such a fear of marriage and commitment. She’s my best friend and the best person I could’ve asked for. I just don’t know how I can let go of this constant wondering why I don’t feel this way, questioning my lack of ‘feels’. I will continue to stick this out with her because I can’t imagine not being with her and giving up on something so precious, something I’ve always wanted, something that can fulfill me but I just won’t let it.
I notice I feel really great when I’m occupying myself with cooking, fitness, gardening, anything I enjoy. But as soon as I get lazy in my hobbies, is when I start to notice an advance in intrusive thoughts and stressing. Some days I just really don’t want to do anything, I lose focus and motivation. I lose an interest in many things and that’s when ocd gets me.
We’re only 21 and I know I have a lot to figure out. I feel that I need to find happiness within myself to feel all the good things with her. Does anyone else feel like their expectations of what a relationship ‘should’ be, let affect their reality too much? How do I let go of my unrealistic expectations and just go with the flow and accept what I have is amazing? It’s a lack of abundance I think and I would love nothing more than to have that abundance. I don’t want more, I just want to be with happy with her.
Together for 2 years. She some times tells me that she wishes I had experienced a relationship before her to know what is normal, something to compare to and I don’t disagree there. For all my life, I have experienced limerence and never an actual love. What we have is a true love, I know that. But I just can’t let go of this feeling of being in love and smitten. We see each other everyday as we do live together, realistically I know I can’t feel completely in love everyday but there’s always the nagging thought that I should! I just need contentment.
This is really just a rant because I was doing good for several weeks but the past week kinda hit me and is leaving me a bit agitated. I remember right before experiencing this year long ROCD episode and living in it everyday, I was at such a good place. I was genuinely feeling my love for her grow more and more. I couldn’t haven’t been happier. It wasn’t until we decided to get an apartment and we were coming up on our one year where this all hit one random day. Writing it down and seeing it for what it is, makes total sense. And I know the thoughts don’t go away, it’s the anxiety and the reaction to them that needs work but why is it so relentless. Thinking about how this is something I have to deal with for the rest of my life is scary. I’m currently in therapy but I do engage in compulsions all the time. I’m not sure where this rant is going but I needed to write it out.
I love the damn girl and I will marry her one day, just gotta get over this shit and grow up really

TL;DR: PC building newb is wanting to build a PC that can handle regular tech job remote tasks, play pc games at a good frame rate (70-80), and overall run nice.
Hey everyone,
After years of not having a desktop, I decided it’s time to build a PC. I’ve never built a PC before, but being a computer science major I think it could be a good experience given that hardware is not the focus of my major; plus I just think it would be cool to say that I built my own PC. And I’ve been wanting to go back to PC for a little while now.
Keep in mind, I am completely new to this stuff, particularly what the best parts to buy are given what I’m looking for. There are multiple micro centers in my home town, but wanted to do the proper research and get a variety of opinions between micro center workers and the PC community. That way I can really make an ideal desktop for what I want.
Also, I’m sorry this is a lot. I’ve been wanting to do this for years and now that I’m committing to it, I really don’t want to mess it up all because I didn’t do the proper research. Heres some context of what I’m looking for

• Budget- Preferebly $1000-1500. But willing to go a little over if it’s really worth doing so for a part (example: one graphics card is $200 but the next one up is $275-300 and will support games for a much longer lifespan than the $200 one. Let’s put the threshold for this at a $100 increase). Absolute maximum is $1750

5-6 (ish..?) year life span-: This could be a ridiculous amount of time, but if it’s possible to do so with the following preferences at the budget I provided, what are the parts that will do so with minimal part replacement?
-Working Remote- I want to be able to sufficiently be able to work from home. Many tech jobs are beginning to follow a hybrid or even fully remote format. In the case that I run into that throughout my career (which seems very likely), I don’t want to run into any non internet connection issues that could raise issues when working remote such as freezing, or slowness due to many apps being open at once (VS code, Remote Desktop, chrome with a good amount of tabs, etc.).
-Windows (which ever version is best in case it isn’t the newest one)- probably a way too obvious thing to include but hear me out. Ive been strictly Apple and have not regularly used a windows device in 8 years. Both great operating systems in their own ways, but one of my main motivations for doing this is that I’ve realized over time that I definitely miss using Windows for many reasons. That being said, I do not know if there is a preferred version of windows 11 versus the latest one, if even the case.
-Gaming- (play just about all games at 60-70fps): Similar to using windows, another motivation I had for doing this is PC gaming. Before I stopped using windows in 2017, I had built a decent sized library on steam and was a pretty avid PC gamer but still played a little console. Switched to only console and, same as windows and mac, both are great for different reasons. But for years I’ve been itching to get back into games like Skyrim, counter strike, and the blizzard library (probably weird choices to say nowadays but remember, I’ve been out of the PC world for 8 years). Along with that, I want to try out all of the great pc games that I’ve come out since that I haven’t had the chance to play and the games that will continue to come out. Overall, I want a build that will be able to play all these titles at a consistent frame rate similar to let’s say Elden Ring on Xbox Series X, with good graphics (but not anything over the top).
-Wi-Fi support- I’m not too sure about this one, but more wanted to ask if this is worth investing into or not if it costs extra.
-Smooth- could be obvious, but I want an overall very smooth user experience. I’ve used a MacBook Pro 2020 edition for a couple years and overall I’ve been happy with the experience. But the one thing that I absolutely hate about it is how much it freezes up on me when I’m in the middle of doing something. Not necessarily very often, but it happens and it’s very annoying. I understand that this is going to become inevitable overtime, but overall I want a reliable and convenient user experience.
Again I’m sorry that this is a lot. If you have any questions please let me know and I’ll get back to you asap

A few years ago, I had the chance to learn about Venerable Minh Tue through the YouTube channel Nhan Ga Vlogs. The videos show the monk in a cave at Mount San (Nha Trang), near my home. In these videos, the Venerable does not preach or talk about himself. He only answers questions and shares his journey of practice honestly. What I am most interested in are his insights on practice and discipline. I realized that Venerable Minh Tue has read extensively and understands the Nikaya scriptures deeply, practicing according to the Buddha's teachings. This led me to conclude that he is a true monk.
Today, Venerable Minh Tue is known by many (I prefer not to use the word "famous" for a monastic) and has widespread influence, reaching beyond national borders. The story of Venerable Minh Tue has become hotter than ever, flooding social media with videos and images of him. This has sparked a variety of opinions, ranging from admiration and respect to criticism and contempt. Many paths of human experience!
Fortunately, those who think negatively about him are still a minority.
Venerable Minh Tue practices the ascetic path of Dhutanga. Some people look at his conduct and attire and criticize him as crazy, self-mortifying, lacking wisdom, and not following the Middle Way that the Buddha encouraged. However, these critics do not realize that Venerable Minh Tue is practicing according to the correct Dharma, following the teachings of the original scriptures. He has abandoned family life, living a pure and simple life, renouncing all attachments, and practicing minimalism and contentment. People confuse the ascetic practices of Dhutanga with the severe austerities the Buddha practiced during his six years of seeking enlightenment. Those severe practices involved extreme self-mortification, causing great physical pain (originating from Brahmanism). Thus, Dhutanga in a sense is a precursor to the Middle Way and still closely aligns with it.
Many argue that monastic life should prioritize wisdom over physical asceticism. However, they confuse worldly wisdom with Buddhist wisdom. Worldly wisdom is human cognitive ability, derived from genetics and education, whereas Buddhist wisdom is only revealed when a practitioner strictly adheres to precepts. Observance of precepts leads to concentration, and concentration leads to wisdom. Therefore, the Buddha said, "Where there is virtue, there is wisdom and vice versa."
The core of practicing Dhutanga is to end all defilements and impurities. This practice helps the practitioner guard the senses, not being influenced by circumstances, gradually eliminating greed, hatred, and delusion. That is why monastics eat only one meal a day (reducing greed for food), sleep sitting (reducing the desire for sleep, as lying down can lead to deep, excessive sleep), and wear three robes (actually one set, the minimum requirement, reducing attachment to clothing).
Some criticize why a Dhutanga practitioner does not live alone in the forest but wanders across the country. The answer is that finding forests in Vietnam today like in the Buddha's time is impossible. Venerable Minh Tue has also spent time in seclusion on Mount San. So why does he choose to walk across the country? He answers that it is to "train and maintain health." In a deeper understanding, he is practicing the true Dharma of the Tathagata. Walking helps him to be mindful of body, feelings, mind, and phenomena; living in hardship, experiencing suffering, and understanding the cause of suffering leads to the end of suffering, rather than hoping to escape suffering to find happiness.
On his journey, if he is tempted by material possessions, money, or beauty, it means that desire has arisen; if he feels troubled by the crowd, it means anger has arisen. Therefore, solitary retreat alone may not necessarily help control the mind when faced with worldly temptations.
Many people also question the social utility of his wanderings. If everyone did as he does, who would produce food? These questions are shortsighted and self-serving.
What have we done for society? Everyone contributes to society in varying degrees, and human values are not solely measured by material contributions but also by spiritual ones. Typically, what we do is visible and beneficial to ourselves and our families. In contrast, what Venerable Minh Tue has done for society is far more significant and evident:

• He has helped many people see the image of original Buddhism and the monastic life of the Buddha.
• He serves as a mirror reflecting the true nature of some "fraudulent monks," "transaction monks," and "advisory monks."
• He has awakened many who were lost in false doctrines, bringing them back to the light of the true Dharma.
• He has maintained faith in Buddhism for many and earned the admiration of followers of other religions.
• He has inspired many to reflect on themselves, reducing greed, hatred, and delusion in their lives. Some have even given up everything to follow his path.
• In a way, he has brought people closer and fostered social harmony.

If society could follow his example, it would be wonderful. Then, I believe, society would not only have food and clothing but also a more peaceful and happy life. However, few people can do what he does!
Some people question why he refers to himself as "con" (child) instead of "thầy" (teacher).
First, he has chosen the path of renunciation, no longer bound by monastic duties at a temple, and does not consider himself anyone's teacher to avoid influencing others and bureaucratic issues.
Second, the self-reference "thầy" among monks and laypeople today is merely a convention in communication. There is no binding requirement. In essence, it is a cultural practice in Vietnamese language, while in English, it is just "I-You," or in Chinese, "Wǒ 我 - Nǐ 你." Some high-ranking monks still refer to themselves as "tôi" (I) or their Dharma names when teaching. Venerable Minh Tue's use of "con" with everyone demonstrates his practice of humility, renouncing the ego, which is the spirit of selflessness.
Currently, wherever he goes, hundreds to thousands of people follow, including many YouTubers, TikTokers, and Facebookers. This has raised concerns about security and disruptions to his practice.
I believe we should not rush to blame or criticize those creating social media content. Let's see the positive side, for without them, how could the beautiful image of a true monk spread? In this era, spreading the Dharma and sharing good things are more effective with the support of media and social networks. How else would Vietnamese Buddhists know about the teachings of monks like Phap Hoa or Tinh Khong and other high-ranking monks?
Moreover, their gathering is also a test for Venerable Minh Tue to practice mind control. If he starts feeling important, central, or like a star due to attention and veneration, he immediately falls into ego clinging and arrogance. If he gets annoyed by the crowd, it means anger has arisen. These situations are ultimate tests on the path of precepts and mindfulness. Observing him, no matter how hard the walk, his face remains serene with a smile. Perhaps he has attained tranquility.
Some people express sympathy for him, tearfully seeing him bareheaded, barefoot, under the sun and rain. This emotional response is understandable but from a worldly perspective. Choosing the path of asceticism makes him feel internal joy, and these hardships help him approach enlightenment.
Some worry about him facing dangers from dark forces. Don't worry; choosing this path requires great courage. Didn't he say, "If I'm allowed to live, I'll continue to practice"? This shows fearlessness as he has thoroughly understood impermanence and selflessness. What we should care about is whether he has truly attained this mindset. If he has, Nirvana is not far away. Therefore, we should rejoice.
I predict that at some stage, after experiencing suffering and training body and mind, Venerable Minh Tue might retreat into seclusion to achieve enlightenment. Once precepts are fully observed, meditation is necessary to attain concentration.
Certainly, his influence has reduced the income of some fraudulent monks, who might even have to sell cars and land. Therefore, it is not surprising that efforts to defame and harm Venerable Minh Tue are intensifying. Initially, they fabricated stories of false monasticism with staged filming. They ridiculed his robe, calling it "plot selling land," or criticized his rice cooker as an unofficial alms bowl. But they fail to understand that he has reached a state of non-attachment, indifferent to shame or ridicule. Having chosen a renunciant life, living without family, sleeping in cemeteries, overcoming family ties is the greatest obstacle.
The meanest tactic they use is labeling him as an agent of foreign anti-government organizations, portraying him as a beggar monk to undermine Vietnamese Buddhism and the nation.
I must say, Vietnamese Buddhism is undermined by fraudulent monks, tolerated and supported. They exploit karma and reincarnation theories, distorting and frightening the ignorant with horrific afterlife scenarios. They continue exploiting donations as a way to resolve karmic debts, seeking blessings, and accumulating merit, the more money, the better, even encouraging devotees to donate entire houses to temples and live simply elsewhere. In short, just donate.
Therefore, the purification of fraudulent monks will be the revival of Vietnamese Buddhism.
Praising Venerable Minh Tue's practice does not mean devaluing other practices of true monks in the country. Each has different capacities and vows, so not everyone can be the same. Every individual is here to fulfill a unique mission.
If the standard of a monk is virtue, clearly, the one who practices surpasses the one who understands. Practicing Dhutanga is a great merit, rarely achieved. Therefore, praising and respecting virtue is right but not deifying or idolizing Venerable Minh Tuệ at this moment, as this would lead to wrong views and contradict the spirit of Buddhism.
To understand the significance of practicing Dhutanga, let me quote the Buddha's praise of Venerable Kasyapa's practice:
“Well done! Well done, Kasyapa! You have brought great benefit and saved innumerable beings, extending this to all the realms of gods and men. Why? Kasyapa, if this ascetic practice remains in the world, then my teachings will also remain long in the world. If my teachings remain in the world, then the path to the heavenly realm will increase, and the three evil paths will diminish. Likewise, the noble paths of Sotapanna, Sakadagami, Anagami, and the Three Vehicles will also remain in the world. Monks, you should practice as Kasyapa does.
Thus, monks, you should learn this.” (4)
Notes: (1) In the Samannaphala Sutta, Kinh Chung Đức (2) Also known as Prajna Wisdom (3) In the Kinh Chung Đức (4) In the Ekottara Agama, Volume I
Nha Trang, May 10, 2024 Nguyen Thanh Huy Email: [thanhhuy1979@gmail.com]()
Editor's Note: (*) Currently a lecturer in the Department of Linguistics at the University.

For context, me (23) and my bf(30) who are co-workers have been together for a year and a half. I'm Indian and he's Arab. We love each other very much and though our styles of expression are different we respect each other and try to communicate. We have been each other's safe spaces from the moment we became friends until now.
However, the major challenge I'm facing is that his family does not know anything about me and he still has to hide our relationship with them. They are aware he has a girlfriend but does not know anything else as they will not be happy about him marrying outside his religion and country. On the other hand my parents have already met him and he even texts my mom to wish us on special occasions/holidays.
I'm trying to be understanding of these actions of his. I get that where he is from, dating is a taboo subject. And both of us being from different religions, nationalities and our age gap does not make things easier. When we agreed to start dating we acknowledged our differences and told each other we will take things day by day. But now that we've been together for a year and a half I'm starting to want more. More of his time, more acceptance and less hiding, and promise of a future together. I'm not someone who is very keen on marriage or having kids so all I just want is assurance that we'd both fight together for our future.
A few weeks ago I had asked him if his family found about us and told him to break up what would he do and he said he doesn't know. I was extremely hurt by this answer and tried to initiate a break up by asking if he wants to stop what we have and he said he definitely does not want to. And in an attempt to stop me from feeling as terrible as I did he said he will handle it when the time comes. His words offered a very short lived comfort and I'm back to square one of thinking he will not do anything for us, especially since he has made it clear on multiple occasions that his family comes first no matter what.
To make things even worse he's currently solely financially supporting his family of 9-10 members who all live with him. This has made it difficult for us to hangout out a lot often as we once did (mind you when we started dating this was not the case). And since he's living in a crowded house I have to be careful when I call him as he might have family near him who might find out about us. The fact that we're coworkers doesn't make it easier as it's not like we can be affectionate in the office.
Due to these circumstances I now feel wedged in between wanting more of him but feeling like I am an inconvenience to his life. He assures i am not and asks me to stop overthinking thinggs but that is difficult for me. I understand that these life circumstances are harder on him than me and he is definitely suffering. But it is also my first relationship. I've reached a point where I find myself crying every other week worried about our future because I can't and don't want to let go of him. It's not easy to find people who you connect with and can be your safe space. Even if I do find the courage to break up I don't even want to think about the bout of depression and loneliness that would await.
Please advise me on my situation as I feel completely lost and stuck with these issues in my relationship
TL;DR: as my bf and I from different cultures and nationalities are almost approaching the 2 year mark I want more from him such as not hiding me from his family and his time. But due to cultural differences and his financial situation he's unable to do the same for me. Please advise

It’s been way over 20 years in my high school sweetheart still reaches out to me over the years through different forms of social media. I wasn’t her 1st, but she was my first and we even went to college together and live together for a short time. I survived a horrific car wreck and she joined a sorority and started to disregard me acting like I was holding her back from experiencing life. Broke up with her when she went on a date with some other guy from high school on valentines days while were in college behind my back. Her family still talks to me when we run into each other here and there and they always tell me that she could’ve done better than what she has now. She’s married with two kids, and she tried recently reaching out to me again on Facebook, but I did not respond. I’ve never responded to any of her request to talk. She was cheating on me and was not very supportive during my recovery from a car wreck. A drunk driver ran me off a cliff and I survived. She Used to be really hot back then size 0 pants and G string wearing hot chick. She now looks like a blimp and her shirts look like a blanket covering her neck. it looks like she’s doing well on her career but from what her family says she’s not happy in her marriage. So why after almost 20 years does she still try her best every so often to communicate with me? I feel like I have the right to not speak to her because I feel like the past is the past and even though I’m not married and I haven’t found the right person yet I’m still on my quest to find the person that’s truly going to treasure me.

Listen at this point I think I’m cursed because I swear I keep having one of 2 things happen to me in my life. Either I do something incredibly stupid or something incredibly unlucky happens to me and yet somehow I come out unscathed, example being on more then one occasion me dropping glass items due to a completely unlucky set of circumstances yet somehow catching it perfectly or even better having it LITERALLY BOUNCE ON HARD FLOOR and me stopping it before breaking. Or I have the luckiest things happen to me and it looks like I’m guaranteed to succeed in something and then at the absolute last minute despite all odds I fuck it up somehow. Just today I had both of these happen simultaneously. I really liked this girl and I asked her to prom and she said yes. Mind you I literally got full confirmation from her friend that it was a good idea before doing it so it wasn’t a big surprise. Now in the time between asking and prom we progressed so quickly that we agreed to actually start dating after prom. Which honestly I never expected to happen and I was so happy. Prom comes along and I actually nail it. We hugged we held hands we felt like an actual couple and it was great. We even kissed at the end. But of course my curse couldn’t just let me be happy. I said “i love you” and we’d really only been dating for like a week so it’s way too early to say that and I really meant that I just really liked her but my brain just kinda shortened it to one word. Now she didn’t seem mad at first or weirded out so I thought it was fine but it definitely wasn’t. I dropped her off at a party after prom cause I couldn’t stay any later and when I got home I messaged her that shit again CAUSE IM A FUCKIN DUMBASS WHO THOUGHT IT WAS FINE. Come the next day she wasn’t really talking to me and I wasn’t sure why at first but i had this lingering thought that she might be trying to ghost me despite what seemed like a lot of evidence against that. So I asked if she was ok to which she responded with no and explained how she WAS in fact weirded out by it and needed some space. So here we are I’m about to just accept the fact that this shit happened again like it always fucking does and I was about to just be depressed but instead I actually tried to work out. And I explained to her what happened and she understood but said she still needed more time. So I’m thinking welp I tried and I had to get to work anyway so I tried to push it out my mind. But then she messaged me and apologized for being slow to respond to my messages originally because she was “a little hungover.” Now call me a bitch but I don’t drink and don’t plan on it for the foreseeable future so this caught me so off guard cause she also has stated she doesn’t plan to drink. So suddenly I’m thinking shit because I said ONE FUCKING WORD WRONG I stressed her out causing her to drink. Now imagine going to work and trying to serve customers while trying to deal with the fact that you might’ve been the sole cause for an incredibly stupid fucking decision that someone you care about a lot made. Safe to say I was internally having a meltdown while trying my best to seem fine on the outside. My manager could tell something was up and let me take a 15 minute break (which definitely ended up being longer then 15 minutes) where I just fucking broke down in my car cause I was so fucking done with myself. Literally one word was the difference here. One word was the difference between me having a girlfriend and me maybe not having a girlfriend and also causing her to make a horrible decision. But I pulled myself together enough to talk to her about it. She confirmed to me that I was definitely not the reason she was drinking, although I still don’t believe her, and that she would’ve done it no matter what. And on top of that, we talked about the other thing more and how I was seriously still sorry about that and I felt awful. Now I’m still under the assumption that I’ve completely fucked this but then she comes out of nowhere and we actually talked it out like a lot and she was worried about me despite what I had said. And told me she actually understood why I had said that and wasn’t mad at me. She just said she was very taken aback. She then proceeded to grill me to make sure I was ok (in a very similar fashion to how I’d grill her when she wasn’t ok) and also wanted to make sure that WE were ok. At this point I told her exactly why I was so scared and why I was definitely not ok earlier and she told me that I didn’t fuck it up and that this stupid shit I said wasn’t going to change how she felt about me and she still really cared about me and liked me a lot. This all happened in the span of like 2 days btw so I was on the biggest emotional roller coaster. Swear to god I dealt with every single emotion in those two days. Now the crazy part is I realized just now that my curse infact struck twice today. This whole time I’m thinking this shit is screwing me over as always but I forgot about the first part of my curse. The part where I somehow come out unscathed after the stupidest most unlucky shit happens. Now this happened in two ways during this incident. One is the fact that we worked it out despite the chaos. Two which still dumbfounds me is the fact that she didn’t ghost me. She told me that literally EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HER FRIENDS WERE TELLING HER TO JUST GHOST ME! THAT ORIGINAL FEAR I THOUGHT WAS UNWARRANTED WAS ACTUALLY ALMOST TRUE! BUT SHE DECIDED AFTER I ASKED IF SHE WAS OK TO ACTUALLY TALK TO ME CAUSE SHE STILL FELT I HAD THE RIGHT TO KNOW. That god damn curse is also a blessing cause once again the stupidest most unlucky shit happens but somehow by pure fucking luck it ends up avoiding becoming worst case scenario and actually works itself out. When she told me literally all her friends were telling her to ghost me I was actually floored. I swear I thanked her like 5 different times for not ghosting me and actually talking it out. In summary I am the luckiest unlucky man alive and it’s a blessing and a fucking curse.

I have been married to my husband for 3 months and I am NOT HAPPY. We have been dating for 7 years, lived together for 4 years and it was the happiest part of our relationship. Everything was smooth until we got married. For context, we're both South Asians, I am a big city girl and he's from a small village and our families follow separate religions. We wanted to get married here in Canada but had to go back home to get married because of the family pressure. Our families wanted us to marry in a traditional way so we agreed. We were suppose to get married following his family's religion rituals at first and both of our families agreed however we decided to change that and get married in my familiy's religion as the rituals were easier. My family agreed however his family created a huge issue over this and argued with my husband for couple of days stating that this will bring shame to the family and people will laugh at them.The situation was so stressful that I asked my husband to just put the wedding on hold. He somehow got his parents to agree. Since then, his family started hating me saying that I brainwashed him and that I want everything done my way. Once we got married, everything went downhill. They started showing how much they really hate me and telling me how I am not fulfilling my duties as DIL. Fast forward, now I only talk to them once a week on my husband's presence. My husband and I have been going through a really tough time in our marriage because of all the drama with my monster in-laws. It's been tearing us apart, and we're both feeling really upset about everything that's happened and continues to happen. Open to any suggestions or comments.

I'm a simple player , I love thematic necromancy debuffs. To me it's really frustrating that the strongest debuff is just hypnotic pattern. There's one spell that is iconic of the past for Debuffing and that is Ray of Enfeeblement. Back in 3.5 it was a ranged touch attack that gave you a penalty to strength, which afflicted both hit and damage rolls. No save and to make things better, it was a first level spell.
The overall amount of debuff was comparable to Bane more or less. I love bane. I think Bane is a dope spell even though everyone and their moms play Bless instead.
What I'm saying is that there a certain lack of interest in Ray of Enfeeblement because it's both a hit and constitution saving throw. I've never seen that spell suggested neither here nor in 3d6.
However it's important to note, that Ray of Enfeeblement does not have an initial Saving Throw to the first round effect, only Hit (and thank Gygax for that). So theoretically if you're facing a dragon and you got nothing better to do, you can spam it every turn just to diminish the damage of 1 round of attacks. This spell has another problem, is that tinkering with it in simple ways would make it too good.
Now, there is another 2nd level debuff that is also not popular but is just Con Save. That spell is Blindness/Deafness. It's just a con Save but it gains both Disadvantage to Hit and Advantage to being hit. I think it's dope thematically.
What I'm trying to say is that I wish these spells were kinda good for their own reasons. blindness/Deafness for example is not concentration; meanwhile Bane has a lesser effect but it is AoE and targets a way easier save to land at low levels.
Now, the playtest introduced Chthonic Tiefling, that species has Ray of Enfeeblement but it gets it at level 5 instead of 3. When you're level 5 and you're a fullcaster you have other spells like the new Conjure Animals or Hypnotic Pattern or Spirit Guardians, which are 3rd level but are very effective for their level. This means that you're not likely to use it for the single encounter of the day if you only have 1 encounter a day. Now I don't want to steer this into how many encounters a day a yada yada, that's not the focus. The focus is that the spell is not considered good enough for it's level.
My perception is that in theory that spell is a bit better than people think simply because in some cases, a hit is easier to land than a con Save.
I'm not a designer. I'm not gonna pretend I have the perfect design solution to make the spell meta. There's so many things you can change to the spell and make it too good very easily and that is also a problem.
I still have this burning desire to have this spell more suggested simply because a lot of DMs don't homebrew spells. The majority of DMs (I've encountered) simply say no to a request to change a spell and they have solid reasons to do so.
You have no idea how many times I wanted to pick Infestation but the cantrip was simply just not good. What happens is that you end up picking Toll the Dead every single time and your best bet is to reskin it to adapt to every character which is a symptom of discrepancy between spells.
There was an old post that I made on how Toll the Dead repetition made me empathize with martial problems that just spam attack and that's it. It was Toll the Dead that opened my eyes on how variety of actions is a satisfying aspect of a combat game. That post was well received.
Some Con saves are just not good enough. I don't know if you're aware, some of you are, but Poison Spray has been changed from con save to hit. I was so freaking happy for the change. Ray of Sickness is another spell that requires the hit to land in order for the con save to occur. Is that spell suggested? Well the answer is that people prefer other spells to it like Command, Dissonant Whispers, Guiding Bolt.
Spells can be different and both spells can be good for their own reasons. For example Slow isn't prioritized over Hypnotic Pattern, but Slow can affect more types of targets and doesn't end if you attack the target.
I'm crossing my fingers at this point for Ray of Enfeeblement
Now, if your only response is to just pick it anyway, you're missing the point. The point is that we have the right to bring up balance problems about anything that we want to play. Remember that people felt bad about Rangers in the past. Some are currently feeling bad about monk, even though there is hope for future monk. Don't brush it off as "just play it anyway".

I met this woman in January at a weekly club and we really hit it off. I am married. She was single. We would hang out together with and without my wife about once a week outside of our club (with my wife's permission and encouragement). We'd talk online for hours at work 3x a week. Within two weeks we were talking about everything openly and comfortably. Philosophy. Our past traumas. Etc. There was a comfort and emotional connection there I hadn't felt with somebody in a really long time.
Things got really interesting really quickly in the sense that she almost became involved as a third for my wife and I in March. My wife and I both liked her a lot and were interested in offering her the option as a low pressure, fun thing to do - if she were interested and/or until she found someone for herself. When that didn't work out, our friendship continued as normal for about 3 weeks. We continued being open and honest with each other. We'd go on long walks or have lunch/dinner together. Our conversations were deep and genuine.
She then told me that she started seeing this guy from an online dating app, which my wife and I responded positively to. We were happy for her. She would even let us know when she got home safe the first few times (as an example to show how good of friends we actually were). Then she suddenly just... Stopped interacting with me/us except for at our weekly club. She sent me a couple messages throughout April like "I've been thinking about you - sorry life has been so busy for me lately" and "I missed you at our club this week, hope everything is OK!" but she has rejected plans to hang out in favor of spending time with her new guy, stopped offering alternative times to hang out when she was busy, and hasn't initiated a regular conversation otherwise. At our weekly club, our conversations have turned from very deep and meaningful to surface level.
Even though we were only close for four months, I feel like I've lost my first true friend I've had in about a decade. It's so hard to find people I've felt so comfortable with as an adult, and I'm torn on expressing that to her because 1) I don't want to make her feel guilty or bad if she's having a great time with this new guy all week, and 2) I don't want my insecurities to ruin the possibility of us being good friends once they've settled out of the honeymoon phase or break up.
This situation is really causing me distress. I'm in therapy over it. My wife says I should grow up and just be happy with the way things were/are. But I don't have many friends and I crave that human connection more than she realizes. My wife is not one to empathize so deeply in ways that my friend did. It was nice to have that need met.
How do I proceed at this point?