Heroin makes me sleepy

Can anyone tell me if I am the only one . Is it me am I the problem? I don’t know what to believe anymore I wanna know someone give me a reason an explanation fuck give me an excuse for all the moments in my life that pain so white hot and intense has wracked my body and brought me to my knees when my will to live has been brought face to face with my darkest fear. Where the only words i can hear as death whispers in my ear is my name sweetly spoken in promises of a quiet mind and peace. Can anyone hear me is this thing on. My fear is fading out and I know I should be scared at this but I don’t feel fear the same anymore. it is blurring around the edges and starts to look a lot like comfort something I just can’t seem to find or hold in my grasp, and I tell myself I should be scared at this but my soul is battered and bruised and I am running on fumes.I honestly don’t know how many more days I can wake up to this bleakness of my uncomfterably painful existence. Is my pain all in my head. Did I do something that has led the People i love to mishandle me. Do I deserve to be wrecked every day the minute consciousness returns to this weapon that is my brain. Ive torn myself apart so many times ive made myself BLEED. ive let my pain soak into me till I no longer existed in space, gone without a trace. I try so hard to do no harm. As I am falling apart. I pour and pour from my empty cup. Its been empty from my fucking start. My dad was the first to mishandle my fragle new heart. He is where my cracks did start. Home was a battle field amd my skin was where my father’s anger would wage war. I grew up being told I held the golden cup full of my father’s favor. It never would save my skin from his anger. And I was told, no reminded often, how wicked I had been to the first being my heart ever truly let in. I grew up feeling every blow they took wrapped in guilt savagely placed on my heart to go along with my skins own marks. I was Twice whipped but only one would ever heal the other would bleed me every day even till today. At 8 is when death would first whisper my name to me . I never knew never would he ever depart from my mind and heart. At 9 so small and yet already my soul felt so heavy. My wounded little family grew by one. And traveled miles back to where my first cry had taken place. Where I would be born again and die more than one time. 9 taking on a little one. The second soul who would come to know my heart. Cherished and so loved even before air would give raise to his own challenging start. My mother would finish the killing of me without stopping my heart. The tiny soul I had hoped for was ripped away from me unexpectedly. Given away to have a chance, a brand new start , Or so that is what was said. 17 years I would mourn this everyday feeling like a piece of me was lost. By 11 melancholy would already call me home. School the escape from the war at home had become a battlefield of its own. And wounds would be added to the collection that had started. My first brush with a razor and a mans warped desires would fall in this timeframe not too far apart. Ill never know why my mother would make guilt and not love in me grow. Love for my parents I have felt from the start and still with each mark on my heart they would leave on me, the only thing I would ever bleed is my desire that they would want me.that they would love me. Can a child grow up too young? I don’t think I grew up tho. Ive been trapped in the tiny body that never had a real chance to start. By 15 I had lost both parents and one sibling already I was torn apart and bleeding. My wounded heart festering as it began to rot. The razor blades became my closest friends. At least when they marked my skin, I had wanted it then. They always stayed and helped me cradle my already too heavy pain. They knew what I would feel and that it was real. They went in deeper,beneath my surface on purpose. Something no one else wanted to do or so it would seem to me that no one really wanted me. My first love found in a man would be one that would feel much like my dad. Hands too rough and words never in the only shape Ive ever really wanted L O V E He Left more torn up marks on my heart. Heartbreak at 16, you would think i would have welcomed it like an old friend . that I would have tucked it up besides my heart hidden beneath my ribs, where pain was already rattling around in. pain makes us seek out comfort wrapped in deceit. I looked to the arms that made me weep for comfort. I never would find comfort there. for me there all I found are things that broke me. 16 I was 16 when the first piece of me truly died. I watched it die in her eyes. as the words scorching up my throat and heart left my lips. I watched as they connected the dots of things that mothers should not behind her eyes as the piece of me died. I was a daughter never cherished by my father, pain the only thing he gave for me to gain. I was a daughter never loved by my Mother given to men and left to defend alone the monsters my mother let in. Pain separated me from bonds that should have been. I would later see that the monsters I fought inside of me had always really been me . I grew up lonely both on the battlefield I was forced to Fight to survive in real life and inside the prison bar confides of my own mind. I fought and waged war constantly never knowing the enemy I had been fighting the whole time was always me. I don’t know who I am I died before I got the chance to even begin . Love is supposed to fill up your heart and shape you into the person you are. Teach you to swim in the depths of our own emotions. I never learned how to swim in the oceans I hold within. Ive been slowly drowning since I was a kid. Told that the validation I would grow to need like a drug, heroin to a fiend just so that I could feel something good inside the depths of MY being, a liferaft to keep me afloat was wrong of me to ever have a need. But How do I save myself from drowning beneath each giant wave my emotions bring crashing down around me. I cant swim in the ocean beneath my skin. Waves constantly crashing in and dragging me under. My air is running out and the only thing I hear people shout is SWIM!. as water replaces my lungs empty spaces. Blood hurts more than water its true but let love boil the water and it will still hurt you just as much too. Never feeling loved by my makers I searched for it in other spaces. Except the only place it should have been. My children you will never know of the force of love I hold for them. But I am still only a human. Trapped and stunted in the child that has been calling out in pain. So many lessons I have gained I see them now neatly wrapped up in my pain. I have been told by the ones I love both with and without blood, that I am too much because of my pain. Yet when I agree and try to erase me I am told to stay as they then walk away. Why. Why. Why Do I have to stay and everyone else gets to walk away from the darkness that takes my light away. Happiness feels almost like a myth a conjured up dream to dangle just out of my reach. And I have been told that its happiness I thieve from those around me. What kind of monster does that make me. That I would take the thing I so desperately need from someone that I love. It has been told to me that I am the creator of my own misery. That I should be a better human being and stop claiming to be the victim to the things that have brought death to my mind so many times. When I reach for help. Water rushing in as my screams are ripped out. Never a hand has been held out. Only the boots of blame and shame to push me further down. My pleas have begun to fade out. my voice is weakened by the consistent beacon, the sos hanging above my head running down my eyes and out my wrists that everyone claims to miss. No one will hear me if they don’t believe me. How do I convince them my pain is real. it means its me I have to kill. Then everyone will say I had been real and not the ghost I thought I had been when i was drowning and didn’t know how to swim.

hey y'all, it's night where I am and I'm not that sleepy. I'm in the mood to talk about more serious stuff, like mental health and our lives. And by talk, I mean voice. I have BPD if anyone wants to relate to that, but also double depression and anxiety. But! I can also be pretty chill and not always talk about that stuff, just kinda feel like it tn. Of course if you have stuff you wanna talk about, tell me! I like hearing about other people stuff because I sometimes relate to it, makes myself feel less isolated I guess. Well anyways, if you want to talk send me a msg about yourself!

After the Khumans had settled down somewhat, Alex let out a rather shaky breath. "I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't that."
"What were you expecting?" Kirell didn't understand, and it bothered him, but he was suddenly also extremely curious. It should be safe to learn more about this, right?
"Well... something more along the lines of swearing."
"Um... Karyces, Alex, did you get browner?" Kirell asked tentatively, which apparently set off the Khumans again.
"Woah there, spaceman." Sleepy didn't seem thrilled to hear him say that one; Kirell felt a guilty flush of purple around the edges of his frills. He didn't know Sleepy knew what it meant. "That's a strong word around the little one, huh?"
"Oh." He looked down at Nryxə guiltily, but she didn't seem to have noticed. At least he hoped she hadn't noticed. She was staring at the glassteel wall with her seven eyes wide open. Kirell didn't need his shiny new translator to know that her expression was curiosity. She probably didn't notice.
"You'll have to tell me what it means later. I mean it, Sleepy." Alex took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and closed her eyes. "I mean, I guess I got browner, but it's not.... Well. It's a scar."
Kirell's frills flashed open with a little pop, the whole width stained a deep red. "A scar? The whole thing?"
"Yep." Come to think of it, Alex's voice was a little lower than he remembered, a little raspier. "I– Captain, could you? It's sore."
"Sure. Poke me if I say something bad." The Captain cleared his throat as Alex sat down, crossing her legs under her, on the floor. "So, you know we burned a lot of atmosphere on Kzrkn, right?"
"Yes." Of course Kirell remembered that; he'd been scared out of his wits at the time. It seemed so silly now, to be afraid of something on the ground while he was safe in orbit.
"Well, the gate they took you through... yeah, atmospheres started mixing up, and then they closed it on Hook's electric prosthetic and–" The Captain broke off as Alex grabbed his leg; the deep red from Kirell's frills grew even darker. She was shaking a little. "Sorry Hook. Anyway, Squishy, I bet you saw it from your end too, but Hook was real close. Doc fixed what was mission-critical and did a bunch of patching, but it's still rough, and she's.... I bet she'll be mad for telling you, but she's still pretty spooked. Most folks'd already be shipped home with a Heart for this kinda thing, but damn if Hook hasn't made us proud. Well, prouder."
"What's that got to do with being browner? Did you not fix the scars?"
"Not mission-critical." Sleepy broke in on the conversation. "Don't get us wrong, Spaceman, he wanted to, but Hook said to focus on gettin' ya back."
"I think her exact words were 'Being pretty can wait.' Gotta love Hook, huh Squishy?"
Kirell felt his eyes itching, as if he wanted to cry again. "I'm sorry, Alex. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't ha–"
Alex slammed her synthetic hand into the floor with a bang; Nryxə jumped in Kirell's arms. Alex was shaking again, but this time she didn't look scared at all. She looked angry, and her eyes were a bit wet. That felt wrong, somehow, and conflicting, but Kirell could remember being scared and happy at the same time while wandering with Nryxə; it was probably similar.
"Shut it kid. Don't say that; don't you dare say that. I went after you 'cause I wanted to get to you. Don't ever say differently." Alex's voice seemed to squeak and thin out at the end of the last syllable; she pressed her lips together, looking frustrated.
"Easy there Hook. You've talked a lot more'n usual today. It's OK." The Captain reached down and patted Alex's artificial hand awkwardly. "You're doing good."
Alex swatted his hand away. Kirell's hearts abruptly thumped in his chest; he'd never seen that kind of expression on a Khuman face before. It was some mixture of ones he'd seen before; some kind of anger, sadness, coupled with a strange sick look he didn't recognize.
"Cap, ya aren't helping. If ya don't shut up I'd say it's about three seconds 'till ya get socked."
"Shi... crap. Sorry Hook. Didn't mean to– Uh, think I'll stop talking." Kirell didn't know what this situation had to do with closed tubes of fabric, or why the Captain had glanced at him and fixed his language, but he was too tired and confused to question it.
"Wait. So, Alex got burned, and Doc put her back together?" Kirell felt his own voice squeaking, not because he was injured but because the magnitude of Alex's injuries seemed to be stealing some of his air, along with much of the space in his stomach and most of his knees' strength.
"Burn care and puttin' someone back together aren't the same thing. Doc does both, but not the same way. Some parts, sure; it's why her vocal cords are weak right now. It's like a surgery; gotta be gentle with it."
Kirell's translator helpfully reminded him that Khumans were in the habit of cutting themselves open to deal with internal problems. He hadn't wanted to remember that.
"Anyway, Hook had to get most of her lungs and voice box rebuilt, so she's not got much voice to use right now. Still gettin' stronger. Her lungs are doin' great, but the voice is takin' a bit longer. It usually does."
Kirell's frills stained a deep blue. "Alex.... I wish you hadn't. I wish you weren't hurt."
Alex looked sideways awkwardly; she didn't look angry any more, which Kirell hoped was an improvement.
"I think what Hook wants to say is that she couldn't not come for you. And I'd agree with that."
Kirell didn't think that was right, but he couldn't figure out how to say so. Surely Hook had a choice, right? He wasn't somehow making a Khuman– a Khuman, of all things– do anything they weren't already going to do. Surely not. The idea of a Khuman being controlled by anything but their own wild Khuman-ness was laughable. Or, he acknowledged at the sight of the glassteel walls, by another Khuman.
"So you're in here because....?"
"Well, essentially we, uh... we were doing it again, huh Hook? We were just running in again like there was nothing there to stop us. Guess that's what we do." The Captain grimaced, one hand brushing the back of his head. "Right up until Sleepy showed up and said 'Hey stop that' with a bit more'n words."
A loud amusement sound made both Kirell and Nryxə jump; Sleepy was apparently very amused by this rephrasing of his actions. The Captain bared his teeth, too, with a look on his face that the translator told Kirell was [embarrassed] and [slightly regretful].
"Well, ya saw him now, and ya see that he's picked up someone of his own."
"Does that make you a granddad, Sleepy?"
Sleepy shrugged, looking at Nryxə, who looked back with seven wide eyes. "Dunno. I guess it depends on what the spaceman wants, right? And what'd be best for the kid. Whaddya think, Spaceman?"
"I, um... I don't know if I know what's best for Nryxə, but I don't want her to be upset. Can we talk about this later?"
The Khumans froze for a moment before the Captain whistled long and low. "Right. Not exactly good practice, is it? Talking custody with a kid in the room. Sorry 'bout that, Squishy."
"Hey, speaking of which." Sleepy reached out and gave Kirell a gentle, very reassuring head pat. Oh, he'd missed those. "I'm not sure he should be 'Squishy.' He didn't like it before, and now... don't ya think?"
"Yeah, agreed, it doesn't fit any more. Blue? No, don't like that one. Zim?"
"Absolutely not, Cap. Nor Dent, nor Ford Prefect. Gonna cut you off at the pass on that one."
Alex made a strange noise in her throat; with more patience than Kirell remembered them having, the Captain and Sleepy waited for her to be able to speak. When she did, it was a single word.
"Ripley."
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No music for this chapter, surprisingly.

I was just on the thread where the person asked how often do people drink. Many people were saying that they don’t drink, or drink rarely because they don’t like the effects.
I’m a recovering alcoholic, so I’m curious if I liked alcohol so much because it made me feel different than it makes others feel.
For me, drinking was like being wrapped in a warm blanket where I was completely safe from anything. It produced a lovely euphoria where everything just felt right. On top of that, it would make me enthusiastic; that movie we wanted to watch was suddenly gonna be the best movie ever. That baseball game we’re going to is gonna be amazing. It also gave me energy, if I was feeling tired I could have a couple of drinks and it would wake me up much better than caffeine or nicotine. Although once I had a lot of drinks I would get sleepy eventually, but 2-5 drinks made me very energetic.
Anyway, just curious if these effects are normal or not. Would help me make sense of some things.

Something I’ll experiment with is posting prompt lists I have in storage for you writers, artists, whatever out there. Most of the ones I have are from ancient LiveJournal communities but this one is special in that it’s from an ancient FE site. Internet Archive link is at the top (though be warned, it’s in Japanese and on iOS the text is garbled.)
In summary, these are 100 FE-themed prompts that I’m posting here for your usage (Google translated, so there may be some awkwardness):

1. Load
2. Prepare to attack
3. Heroine
4. Loyal Knight
5. Close call!
6. Hero
7. Knight and Princess
8. Attack!
9. Join
10. Class change
11. Arena
12. Treasure found
13. Fluttering
14. Dancing in the sky
15. Across the desert
16. Wound
17. Brother and sister
18. Healing
19. Dragon's blood
20. Rage
21. Warrior
22. Time to rest
23. It has to be you
24. Wind
25. Frozen land
26. Triangle attack!
27. Heavy
28. Beautiful long-haired swordsman
29. Valkyrie
30. Rival
31. Take aim
32. Go at your own pace
33. Rescue
34. Revenge
35. Bonds
36. The Captive Princess
37. Goodbye
38. Sleep
39. Mage
40. Friendship
41. Noble and Commoner
42. Risking My Life
43. Not Yet!
44. I Can Be of Help
45. Grassland
46. Unstoppable
47. Persuasion
48. Princess
49. Prayer
50. Light and Darkness
51. Dragoon
52. Domination
53. Fated Showdown (Part 2)
54. Wait
55. A Break
56. Loved One
57. Money
58. Big Brother
59. Tension
60. Look-alike
61. ...I'm Bored
62. Unrequited Love
63. Cleric
64. Guard
65. Beard
66. I'm sorry
67. Special training
68. Ancient magic
69. Smile
70. Sword dance
71. That cute girl
72. Partner
73. Sweat
74. Help me
75. Night
76. Friends
77. ...!!
78. Tears
79. Fatal blow
80. Prince
81. Legendary weapon
82. Thank you
83. Blood
84. Stand by me
85. Strategy meeting
86. Confession
87. Past
88. Hurry! Hurry!
89. Heart pounding
90. Rain
91. Alone
92. Happiness
93. Great duo
94. Handsome
95. Banquet
96. Back
97. Eve of the final battle
98. Final battle
99. The Message of Peace
100. Wedding Ceremony

Use some of them, all of them, go wild! Some are not very husbando-themed but you can probably still make it work ;)

Long story short, I just got in a heated argument with my father over how he treats my 13 year old brother (more on that later). I am 21 years old and they still control a lot of my life. I am financially independent (technically, more on that later as well).
For some background. I was raised VERY religious. Those Christian moms you see on social media that was my father. I never went to prom (because godforbid I got out in the world). I went to a public high school but was still super sheltered. My life outside of school consisted of coming home and working on homework, the extra homework he assigned me, yelling because I never did "good enough," and church youth group (which I hated because I am not a Christian). I made good grades, mostly As, the occasional B, and one C (in chemistry, but I mean come on that shits hard). That was never good enough. Every single assignment I did he had to look at. Study guide for an exam. He had to look at it. Discussion board reply. You guessed it he looked at that too. I didn't get a phone until sophomore year of high school and when I did I got one of those shitty 80 dollar Samsung phones that you couldn't do shit on (and where he checked all my texts, notes, and emails). I was very sheltered. The extent of my fun was shooting the shit with my friends in the cafeteria at lunch and on the bus. I wasn't allowed to go to birthday parties or sleepovers or even go over to a friends house. He is raising my brother the same way, but way worse. If I am ever blessed with kids one day he has taught me what not to do.
Thankfully I am now in my third year of college. I picked a school he didn't want me to go to. Not because of money or anything he just said "you aren't going to a party school. There are too many idiots there you don't need to be around." I rebelled and committed to that school. Hands down the best decision I have ever made. I have a full ride scholarship that pays for my tuition (although it is dirt cheap for in-state already). I also have a scholarship that pays for rent for my 1100 dollar a month apartment and gives me about 500 spending money every month. I consider this my second best accomplisment as screwed up as that may sound. My father controls my money. All of it. I have a credit card that I use and then he pulls that money out of my account. I have no idea how much money I have and what he is doing with said money. He also has access to my Schwab and Vanguard accounts. He says he does this to help me with investing but I know there is more to it. He still wants to control me. I don't even know my damn login to the banking app for Christ sake (sorry not sorry dad for using the Lords name in vane). I know I should have fixed this issue sooner but I didn't want to fuck up our relationship. I am not sure what to do about this.
Another major problem came from this sheltered/overbearing environment I grew up in is my inability to say no to things I have never done before. Throughout my time in college I have experimented with drugs and alcohol (cocaine, weed, molly, lsd, shrooms, xans, oxy, you name it, pretty much with the exception of meth and heroin, I've done it and not just once). I am not proud of this (minus the fun I've had on psychs and even then not one of my better attributes). As a result of his abusive parenting style I have a hard time saying no and give in super easily to peer pressure. So much so that the first friends i met at college I still hang around with. These guys I probably shouldn't be around (the type where daddy pays for everything so they get a four-year drug fueled adventure in college). Don't get me wrong they aren't all that bad but just not the type of people I though I would be hanging around. I never thought I would be sleeping around, going to clubs on a Tuesday, and doing lines of coke off my island at 4pm but here we are. I am not proud of this but feel like I started doing these things because I was finally free. It is so hard to stop now. I think that I hang around them as a sense of rebellion to my parents and a sort of "f u" if you will. I know it is wrong but it feels good to finally be free. I have developed a raging nicotine addiction as well (something I am definitely not proud of). My parents have no idea. I have had to lie to them about things for the past three years.
I don't know if that is a result of my own actions or the years upon years upon years of constant yelling by my father. I mean for fucks sake the man never told me good job on anything. I got an A on a test it wasn't good job. It was "show me the test and what you got wrong," followed by a thirty minute yelling match about how I fucked up on the test. When I got into college on a full ride it wasn't good job it was "that is all because of me and the things I gave you." When I graduated high school it wasn't good job. It was my mom, god bless her she is great but tied down by my father, putting on a dinner party for me with all the neighbors and my parents friends. My dad was there but never even spoke to me (he just bullshitted to his friends about how I was such a hard worker (mind you he never told me this) and other things that narcissists do). I never was told good job when I got Eagle scout. That fucked me up, all of it. I am not one to want praise or one of those participation trophy people but come on that's fucked up at least in my mind. I never heard good job once.
He does the same shit to my brother but worse. My brother is 13 and in seventh grade at a private Christian K-12 school (one of those rich schools where the parents drive benzs and the kids have gucci shoes and shit). My father doesn't send my brother there because it is a better school, trust me, it is not by any stretch of the word. He sends him there to look better (aka "my kid goes to a private school you peasants" type of behavior). Recently, my brother was caught playing a computer game (papa's pizazaria on coolmathgames). Off topic but that is still the best one and you cannot change my mind. When he caught my brother they went at it for four hours. Now my dad checks my brothers search history, backpack and every single piece of paper in every binder every single day. He has moved my brothers desk into the living room and made my brother buy, with his own money, 300 dollar noise cancelling headphones to somehow be able to focus down there. My brother now has developed a twitch and the habit of twirling his hair. It was gotten so bad that some of his hair is falling out because of it and my dad refuses to take responsibility for it. The kid is so stressed that you would think he is on coke or meth the way he acts. He told me that he is scared when my dad comes home from work. I brought this up with my dad and asked him how he feels about his child being scared of him. My dad said nothing. Not one word. I am asking advice/thoughts on this situation.
To end things off I want advice on what I should do moving forward. I am home for the summer and working a job up here but am really considering not working and going back down to my school. I never had a normal childhood and can't stand my brother being treated this way. He is not allowed to go outside and play with the neighbor kids, watch TV, search ANYTHING on his computer, and take breaks longer than dinner away from his "schoolwork." I can't handle this shit anymore. I understand that part of my situation is my doing but I think it partly stems from the years of manipulation and control on behalf of my father. Am I overreacting? What would you do?
P.S. One final thing I wanted to say to get off my chest is that I do not respect this man. He yells at my mother constantly about how when she lets him be a kid and do kid things she is "setting him up for failure." I don't mean yelling I mean cussing and screaming to the point when I go to bed I can hear my mother crying. It hurts me to hear her cry it really does. I'm a bigger dude, 6 foot, 210, built. But that shit hurts. A fucking lot. I'm at the point where he needs to be confronted about it. I have lost every ounce of respect I have ever had for him. This may be an overreaction but I don't think so. He still controls my life. He tracks where I go in school, what I buy, etc. I have to lie to him sometimes but I am okay with that. This is the first real fun I have had in my life. I am doing pretty good in school, 3.1 gpa in a major I (not him) am happy in. I already have a job lined up outside of school making 58k straight out the gate. He has no idea because I don't tell him shit, he doesn't deserve to know in my mind. This is a man who will act super nice around everyone but our family. He is super active in the church and scouting, although he doesn't let my brother go anymore. He constantly gives to charity and volunteers around the community. You would never know this if you watched how our family operates on any given day behind closed doors. The only conversations I have with him now are about "why is there a charge for mexican food on the credit card. you should be studying," or my personal favorite "why is there a charge for x amount of dollars at a convenience store at 9:00 at night. Only bad people hang outside after dark (by bad people he is referring to everyone who is non-Christian by the way)."
This man has held me back so much even in college. I understand that this is partly my fault because as a legal adult I could have stopped this but I did not want to ruin our relationship. He stopped me from going on trips because "people could be drinkng" and has told me that on my 21st birthday (last week) that if he ever catches me drinking or vaping or anything I will not be allowed back into the house. I want to get clean but I do that shit as a fuck you to him. I apologize about cussing so much in here I'm just frustrated and need to get some stuff of my chest. I can't be the only one with parents like this. Right? I refuse to let this situation continue on. Should I do something about the way he treats me and my brother and mom? What do I do? What would you do? FYI cutting him out of my life entirely is not ideal because my mom and I still get along great. I would do it if there was a way to still be able to see my mom as they live in the same house. Minus certain political issues (mostly economic stuff) my dad and I don't agree on anything. He is the most judgemental person I have ever met in my life. I have met upwards of 1000 people in the past couple of years and he is by far the most judgemental person I have ever met. There is not even a close second.
Am I overreacting? What would you do in this situation? God bless and thanks for any and all responses/similar stories you all are willing to share. This seems like a great group of people. Stay blessed and if you need someone to talk to I am here for anything.

On my never-ending search for the right vibes. I'm looking for any RFM whether it be contemporary, historical, fantasy, sci-fi, supernatural or whatever where the main guy is a NORMAL GUY. This means:

• No billionaires, CEOs, Royals, or other Top 0.01%ers
• No superheroes
• No warriors, mages, demigods, pro athletes, grizzled veteran soldiers, or over-the-top badass action heroes.

This is not to say that I don't want other characters who fit those archetypes, but I don't want the main protagonist to be that. I want to read about a guy that makes me think "Yeah, that's a normal dude like me." I'm okay with growth and them eventually getting more strength/powefame/money/etc. but like... by the end of book 6, not chapter 3 of book 1. They gotta seriously earn it. I want to keep the "he's a normal guy" vibes going for as long as I can.
Again, it's fine if he finds himself in extraordinary circumstances. Hell I'd even be fine with him hooking up with some kind of heroine, monster-babe, or whatever, but keeping him down-to-earth as much as possible. It's okay if he has things he's good at or known for, as long as it doesn't make him beyond extraordinary.

So for context, I have a sensitivity to weather events and air pressure changes that can give me headaches in a day or hours before oncoming storms, tornadoes or hurricanes warnings watches give me intense ear pressure pains. During normal storms, I’ll have a headache beforehand sometimes hours or a whole day beforehand, next, a couple minutes or even mere seconds before it rains, I’ll get shiver cold chill tingling and shake like I’m shaking off excess energy, and then in 15 to 20 min or so when it releases and rains, the headache goes away and I will get the sleepy, drowsy, content, peaceful feeling and have this cold chill tingle pitter patter feeling that feels like misty rain drizzle sprinkling but fainter. When lightning is very intense or particularly colse, my skin will tingle and my hairs will stand up but it’s not as close as others have reported when this happened to them. During last week, I had a bunch of different little things happening to me all at once that all started about the same time, last Wednesday, maybe Tuesday, and peaked last Friday and have thus far prolonged but have been slowly dropping off. I have had super vivid lucid dreams. Out of body experiences are ridiculously easy at the moment when normally they are more difficult to attain. Prolonged hypnogogic states between awake and sleep are happening every time I fall asleep and wake up and my sleep schedule is abruptly all out of wack all last week. The super relaxed mindless drifting morning meditative like relaxation and peacefulness you get when first waking up is lasting most of the morning instead of just 15 to 20 mins. Empty mind and mindful meditation peacefulness and serenity are coming to me absurdly easy when normally I have to gradually quiet and focus my mind. I am very sleepy relaxed content-at times almost very scattered, confused, or spaced out, difficulty focusing or mustering up willpower to do stuff-it almost makes me think of how I am when tipsy drunk but no physical effects of alcohol and I haven’t started any new medication or diet changes that could cause side effects-, and wanting to just do no work, just sit, lay, and immerse myself in my surrounding environment or the empty mind. With no rain, I have had tingling cold chills like excessive energy or mild electrical potential feel in the air like when near big Tesla coils I saw once on a school field trip and goosebumps on and off over that last week, and it’s more often and intense when I’m outside, same for the headaches. In extreme weather, I will have an instinctive feeling urge to take all my pillows and blankets and snacks and water and will “nest” hunker down in my closet and I’ve felt that urge last week-more so out of an almost winter hibernation feeling sleepy drowsiness and comfort rather than the usual instinctive urge to hunker down-yet no extreme weather. I have an old hip bruising from a playground incident in middle school that acts up when it’s cold and we’ve been getting 70s F weather and yet it’s acting up. I am wanting to sleep or try more lucid dreams or out of body experiences to the point it’s more an urge than a meager want, and my interest in spiritual stuff has increased abruptly to an almost laser focus obsessive compulsive I-want-to-know-everything-I-possibly-can level to where I’m doing one completely different thing and I derail back to spiritual stuff. So all these physical and mental things I’ve experienced last week were very similar to what I experience during storms or extreme weather, but we didn’t have any extreme weather in my area last week, and the before and during storm symptoms happened at the same time while being amped up ridiculously intense, and all this extra spiritual stuff, all starting, peaking, and decreasing all happening at the exact same time, leads me to suspect that something out in the world triggered all this, but the absence of any usual triggering bad weather in the area plus the spiritual stuff is confusing. If anyone actually read this and has any ideas or has or is going through something similar, any theories or ideas would be helpful. Body sensitivity, chemicals, hormones, brain wave stuff, ESP, bioelectric field, chakras, any spiritual or scientific theories are welcome at this point if it means I might get some answers.

Hello there friends! I’ve been STRUGGLING with my adjunct job (I’m in adjunct hell) especially since they have me holed away online. Being a professor is fine, there are some things I don’t care for but that comes with the territory.
I’m seriously considering High School as my next career move. I have a lot of experience with dual enrollment and I love the faster pace. My subject is pretty easy going and I’m very passionate about it. I also love working with teenagers too. I have an easier time connecting with them rather than college kids, who are sleepy and tired most of the time and can be just as stubborn about reading directions. I feed off high energy. I totally think I can do it and it’ll give me the freedom to pick where I want to live.
I also realized that the lack of deadlines, structure, schedule (for online), and communication that college provides actually send me into a deep deep depression. I’m not officially diagnosed as autistic (with adhd) but I have been told by a few therapists that I should seek out an official diagnosis. With all that… it’s making more and more sense why being a professor sends me spiraling. I thrive under structure. I need someone to tell me what to do!
The ISOLATION is bad. So so bad. My department is ran by a clique of tenure professors and they’re awful with the micro aggressions. The community colleges aren’t as bad but they’re really pushing online and I can’t continue teaching 5-8 college courses online just to get by.
Oh and I know High School is challenging, the parents can be a lot, but my subject is pretty chill and any conflict with parents were very few. In retrospect, I might making the same amount as I do now as adjunct either way. With benefits! And if I ever need a bit more money I can continue adjuncting on the side.
But yes! What do you guys think? Will High School give me the structure and deadlines I crave for? Has anybody ever transitioned from college professors to High School?
Please let me know.
Thank you all and send me positive vibes because I’m going through it right now.

Throwaway because some of the people in this story know my real reddit.
I (25M) am married. My wife (28F) and I are separated, and will probably, eventually, divorce. She lives in the Midwest, I live in New York. She's close (geographically) to her parents, I'm an immigrant and all the people I love live so far away they may as well be on the moon. My likely soon-to-be ex-wife and I have a decently good relationship - there wasn't any big fighting before the split. She just didn't like me anymore. According to herself, she still cares a lot about me and wants to see me do well and be happy. She wants us to remain friends, but plainly I don't fucking want to. It makes me violently sick to my stomach to imagine myself bearing witness to the woman I loved getting together with some other dude, no matter how much she says she "doesn't think about it in terms of betteworse, just 'right' for her". This is important context.
I have a good career making alright money (enough to live on, at least - not many luxuries) in probably the most prestigious institution of its kind in the US. I graduated from a meh university in a field I never intended to work in. I'm not anything special at my job, just an office drone that occasionally plans events for my section of the company, but it's a hell of a thing to put on a resume. I don't have many friends here in NY outside of my cubicle buddy - lots of acquaintances that I make at the bar every time I go, because people love me when I'm wasted and funny, but nobody that stuck around after I stopped drinking for fitness reasons. I live in a tiny bedroom in an apartment shared with 4 people. I don't go out to save money. I occasionally engage with my hobby, which is scale models of military stuff, but lately I've had little will to do so. I spend close to 1/4 of my salary on a personal trainer, because I can't get the idea out of my head that my ex dumped me for not being hot enough, and I spend two hours every morning before work and three hours on Saturday at the gym, which is basically my main hobby right now. All this is to say, I'm a vain boring guy with no friends stuck in a shitty office job.
I wasn't like this when I was younger. I went to every party back in my hometown. Every time I visited on Spring Break or Summer people would fall over themselves to invite me to parties, when I left for college at 18 something like 200 people got together to burn an effigy of me as a big joke farewell. I was somebody. Every time I used to talk about this to my STB ex, she would get this look on her face like I was telling her I used to do heroin and crack. She's very proper, very ladylike, very respectable. I used to do keg-stands and break into abandoned water parks to smoke weed and graffiti the walls. I also come from a respectable family, so I had triple pressure between my parents and my sister and her to become an upstanding member of society. So now I don't do any of the shit that used to make me happy, and I'm no longer with the person who used to make me happy. It's not even like I can go back to doing that, either - my alcohol tolerance plummeted, I get bad hangovers since I turned 23, and I just don't really *feel* like it anymore.
My best friend back home and I were military otaku. We were always going off about how we'd join the French Foreign Legion together, or the Spanish Legion, or whatever mercenary army would take us. Back then I was out of shape so it was a pie in the sky dream, literally teenage bullshit. My best friend recently lost his long term girlfriend to leukemia, and he called me to tell me he's going to go enlist in the Spanish Legion. I knew he was telling me because he wants me to go with him. The way I am now I could absolutely crush the physical portion of enlistment and being that I have no criminal record and a college degree, the other requirements are taken care of. Absolute worst case scenario, this being the military, I get shot or blown up and die or end up disabled. Best case scenario, I survive the tour and get to live in Spain, with a nice climate, people of a familiar and less friendless culture, and lots of cultural things I like to do. Compared to here, even if I have no friends over there, I could at least go watch my favorite football team play on a regular basis.
Every time I've told my family that I want to go back home, they freak out, because they think I have the perfect life, making shitloads of money working in a super-prestigious office, helping the needy, in the "world capital", so I know that if they found out that I ditched all of that to go march around in tight green pants for a flag that isn't even mine they'd likely disown me. My stb ex-wife also would probably freak out. They all think I have such a great life, that this was all a great opportunity and that I'm living the dream, and yet I'm miserable and lonely and literally purposeless. I just wake up every Monday and go put in a shift at a place I couldn't give less of a shit about and go home to do nothing except play FIFA and chat with my guys on Discord. If I just fucking die over there, I don't have to see my ex build her life without me. I thought Midwest-New York would be enough miles. It isn't. If I leave, I would just get rid of all my devices and tell my friends back home to tell my sister, who would probably filter it to everyone. I want to just disappear and be unreachable so I don't have to hear about their happy lives ever again.
Would I be the asshole if I ditch this supposedly perfect life to follow my friend into the military of a country that isn't ours in a completely different continent? Would I be the asshole for rejecting the "opportunity" to live the way I live?

Hello there!! Please help me:(( so I’ve been talking to this guy for about a month and some change right. He’s kinda sketchy to me but I have some I’LL SAY SELF ISSUES😭 that will not allow me to see clearly about this so I need advice :( So basically the first time we hung out I thought we were just gonna get high and just get to know each other like normal people do??? But noo i got a little too high and ended up getting really sleepy and letting him fuck me :’) I’d also had never done it before so i didn’t know what i was doing or what to think really especially being so high and sleepy I guess, but after he was done he asked me if I wanted to go get food, in which I said yes, but he left before I got outside??? And when I went to text him he had already removed me on everything? So I spent the next week basically mourning the fact I lost my virginity so horribly when I get a friend request on Valorant and it’s him! I didn’t know if I wanted to accept it or not bc he literally blocked me for what?? I didn’t know if he was just gonna add me to make fun or what but I accepted it. He basically said that I removed him and to add him back which I also did. He then made plans to hang out with me at midnight and we did the same thing, get high and fuck and then he took me home. We dont speak for days then he’ll come back and ask to hang out again and we’ll do the same thing. Just recently he removed me again then a week later dmed me saying that I removed him but we should hang out so I said yes, but im on my period and I tell him and he said its fine we can watch a movie and just get high. So I go over to where he is (he’s house sitting for his female friend??) and we end up taking a shower together and fucking. Lol. He didn’t even come get me from my car when I got there he just kept walking and looking at his phone texting me, I had to literally tell him to stop and let me catch up? Im just confused on why he keeps unadding me, blaming me (it’s never me??), and he said he just moved here but ur house sitting for ur female friend?? Who? I dont wanna be crazy about it bc idek what im doing and I dont really wanna lose him just yet but it’s driving me insane.

So, my baby had bacterial sepsis. She was on pretty heavy duty antibiotics due to getting a particular strain that was VERY antibiotic resistant. She was a fantastic burpefarteeater before. And for a few days when we got home from the hospital she slept great (probably due to not having anymore distractions like machines beeping or nurses checking temperatures and blood pressures) But now at 7 weeks? Crap sleep. Our precious little sleepy angel baby is a gassy mess. She wakes herself up in agony, we are talking ear piercing scream that makes me jump every single time without fail. I started her on probiotic drops to help repopulate her gut. But I’ve also read this could be normal at her age? Or could she have developed CMPA or GERD because her gut was ruined? My heart just breaks for our sweet girl, I hate seeing her uncomfortable. And if it is normal, will our baby pass this phase and we can go back to normal sleep training? We do drowsy but awake and it used to work well for her!
Also key info: she isn’t gassy during the day, just from 7pm-5am ish.

Hi everyone,
I recently went in for a sleep study and apparently I had 2 SOREMPs during my MSLT and slept every nap, but my latency was greater than 8 minutes. Ultimately, my doctor suspects some type of central hypersomnolence disorder. Weirdly, I actually didn't go to the doctor for hypersomnolence, it was for raging life-long insomnia, but they found a really unstructured sleep architecture in my overnight polysomnograph and I have other symptoms of narcolepsy (like hallucinations, easily dreaming during the day while feeling awake). I may actually have cataplexy also given how the doctor described it, but I am really not sure because it seems like info about it is conflicting. I would be open to getting a spinal tap bc I think other people in my family might have narcolepsy too, and I just wouldn't be that surprised if I have N1 now that I have learned more about it. But I have to switch to a new doctor and do not know if that will be an option for me.
Anyway, the reason I am making this post is that my doc wanted to prescribe me Xywav but my current insurance would not approve it, despite already having been on stimulants for ADHD. Unfortunately, I also had to move out of state during all of this and so my insurance will be changing on the first and I will have to find a new doctor. But, on the bright side, I should have an appointment with a sleep clinic in the next few weeks and will have to redo the MSLT with them anyway.
That said, I'm nervous I will not have a lower latency on the next test since I am so anxious about it working out and already have so much disorganization/inconsistency with my sleep. Does anyone have any experience getting approved for a Xywav prescription without a classic MSLT result? Is the perfect MSLT required for approval from the REMS program or is it just insurance approval? My new insurance straight up wont cover Xywav no matter the condition, and so I am curious about the program from Jazz for patients with insurance that just outright does not cover Xywav. Interestingly, my new insurance company seems more open to Xyrem prescriptions than Wakix and was also curious if anyone knew why that might be as well.
Thanks to anyone reading this! I have had weird health issues my whole life and hearing about Xywav/Xyrem makes me feel so hopeful but it feel so out of reach.
Edit: Just wanted to add that the reason I am so nervous about not getting approved for these meds is that the other drugs for narcolepsy wouldn't really help me much as they are all about promoting wakefulness. I'd really like to avoid taking any new wakefulness drugs because 1) I am already on stimulants for ADHD and do not want to stop those or add on to them with more stimulants as that would be a lot of stress on my body and 2) The way that my narcolepsy/IH would be presenting is primarily as issues getting into slow-wave non-rem sleep at night, rather than issues with feeling "sleepy" during the day (I'm certainly tired and have poor cognitive function - but never *sleepy* even though apparently I have been sleeping... this diagnosis is so ironic). I'm starting a PhD program in the fall and just really want to sort this out with time left over in the summer to binge on some good deep sleep. I really don't want to have to disclose any of this to my advisor and very embarrassed because obviously no one takes sleep seriously even though poor sleep actually ruins lives lol.

Are you new to Pathfinder 2e? Or maybe you just need something a little more casual. Well join me for this beginner friendly game that will have you, the player, doing what all great adventurers do: clearing rats from a basement! Okay, there’s a little more to it than that. Something is lurking beneath a sleepy town and it’s up to you to discover what it is before it’s too late. There will be role-play, puzzles, and plenty of combat to help teach you the ropes of Pathfinder with lots of support from your friendly GM.
There will be a session 0 for making characters, going over the rules of the table, and teaching the players Pathfinder’s mechanics and how to use FoundryVTT. This game is friendly to beginners and to the LGBTQ+ community.
Sign up at: https://startplaying.games/adventure/clvptdvm8002r8guzzybemkpl
Slots Available: 3 / 5
System: Pathfinder 2e
VTT: FoundryVTT
Price: $10 per session
# of Sessions: 3 – 4
Session Length: 2.5 – 3.5 hours
Schedule: Weekly. Starting Sunday, May 19th @ 7pm EST.

Are you new to Pathfinder 2e? Or maybe you just need something a little more casual. Well join me for this beginner friendly game that will have you, the player, doing what all great adventurers do: clearing rats from a basement! Okay, there’s a little more to it than that. Something is lurking beneath a sleepy town and it’s up to you to discover what it is before it’s too late. There will be role-play, puzzles, and plenty of combat to help teach you the ropes of Pathfinder with lots of support from your friendly GM.
There will be a session 0 for making characters, going over the rules of the table, and teaching the players Pathfinder’s mechanics and how to use FoundryVTT. This game is friendly to beginners and to the LGBTQ+ community.
Sign up at: https://startplaying.games/adventure/clvptdvm8002r8guzzybemkpl
Slots Available: 3 / 5
System: Pathfinder 2e
VTT: FoundryVTT
Price: $10 per session
# of Sessions: 3 – 4
Session Length: 2.5 – 3.5 hours
Schedule: Weekly. Starting Sunday, May 19th @ 7pm EST.

I had acute insomnia caused by anxiety that lasted around 4 months. Getting 1-3 hours sleep a night. I had such a a difficult time at work during this. I felt like everyone could see the bags under my eyes, or that I was being quieter, or that I was going to the bathroom more (anxiety giving me stomach issues). I read a book called The Sleep Solution by Chris Winter and there was a page in the book that stuck out to me. I wrote it down and must have read it everyday for months during my lunch and break at work. Just thought I'd share it in case anyone else can get a moments relief from it. It goes like this:
"I hope reading this book has helped you both understand your sleep more fully and figure out solutions to your problems. Well not traditionally so, this entire book was written with an eye towards CBT-I. Despite my careful planning unfortunately some people reading this book are not going to find quick solutions to their insomnia. That's simply a fact. Doctors are human. Medical resources are limited, and some people, no matter what happens, feel like they cannot sleep from time to time. One incredibly powerful tool in your fight against sleep disturbances is acceptance. Accept your sleep for what it is, optimize what you can, and move on with your life.
I have seen thousands of patients with sleep issues and insomnia. In my experience, the disturbance is as debilitating as an individual chooses to make it. Let me explain what I mean. Visit any University teaching hospital at night. In fact for a real thrill, go back 20 years, before work our restrictions were put into place. Talk to a doctor who took calls during that time. I remember my residency being one virtually of no sleep when we were on call. That was the norm. Residents were going limited or no sleep every other night or every third night for months if not years. Take a look at the level of functioning of these people. It was really high. These individuals were operating, doing spinal taps, sticking lines into patient's necks, that kind of thing. Highly functional? Absolutely. Sleepy? God yes. But the bottom line was this. DESPITE EXTEME LEVELS OF SLEEP DEPRIVATION AND SLEEPINESS, THESE INDIVIDUALS FUNCTIONED SURPRISINGLY WELL.
Why is it that patients with insomnia, who often demonstrate virtually no discernible sleepiness, are so burdened by the disability of their sleep disturbance? Perhaps because it is a choice. If this book helps you improve your sleep, then I have been successful.
If it doesn't, kind Reader, I sincerely hope you make the choice that while you are working on your sleep's improvement, the Sleep difficulties will not ruin your life. Make the choice that you are going to feel good tomorrow regardless of your sleep tonight. And if tonight's sleep is not amazing, resolve that tomorrow's will be.
Don't make your sleep disturbance a defining characteristic in your life. The hours it takes you to fall asleep is not that big of a deal. Believe this. Free yourself. You are in a comfortable bed away from the stresses of the day, stretch out and relaxed. Is this a situation to fear and get upset about? Don't let this issue lead you down the dark path to hard insomnia."

I'm not sure where to post this, as time passes, I doubt my issue is really AvPD, although some issues are quite similar. For instance, the reason I procrastinate is to avoid difficult emotions and feelings.
This week, up until today (as I had anticipated) has gone quite well. Except for Monday, because I was suffering the consequences of not sleeping enough on Sunday.
There are some almost constant issues with my life that I'm trying to work on. I'll try to be brief:

• I have trouble sleeping. I feel a lot of anxiety and guilt at night, I don't want the day to end because I don't want next day to begin. I think this happens mainly because I know I'm not spending my time wisely and I waste a lot of time doing nothing (well, not really "nothing", I'm actually avoiding).
• I'm trying to lose weight and it's been incredibly difficult. I'm an emotional eater and I'm always anxious. Eating something I shouldn't eat causes a brief feeling of pleasure followed by guilt and anxiety, which makes me want to eat more. On top of guilt and anxiety, I tend to eat when I'm bored, which happens a lot if I'm wasting my time.
• I procrastinate a lot. I don't want to do boring tasks, I don't want to do tedious tasks, I don't want to face the idea that I'm not smart enough, which happens when I read something and I don't instantly understand it. In an attempt to not procrastinate, I keep myself from doing things I know will absorb too much of my time, like playing videogames I actually like. So I end up doing nothing productive (as in good for me, including having fun).
• My death drive is usually too strong, so I don't really feel like doing things, even if I enjoy them. I mean, one reason of not playing videogames I would enjoy playing is being sensible and knowing I wouldn't be able to control myself, spend too much time playing and then not doing other things I need to do; but this is another important reason. Overcoming this everyday is a huge effort for me. This obviously doesn't help with any of the above. It leads me to procrastinate more, that increases anxiety and guilt, so I eat more and then I can't sleep because of the piled up guilt and anxiety.

And it's a vicious cycle, because the following day, after not sleeping enough, I actually have an "excuse": I'm sleepy and tired.
Some more context: I'm currently working full time and studying a master's part time. I have three subjects this semester and I find all of them interesting, but there is one I love, one that is difficult and one that is boring (the subject is interesting, the assignments are boring). The next deadline is next week for all three (Monday, Friday and Sunday respectively). My uncle is visiting next weekend, so I have to finish them all before the weekend if I want to spend time with him.
A friend helped me with the difficult one, he doesn't know it but thanks to him I have some external pressure to finish it early and discuss it.
This week I planned on working on the one I like. I managed to do something everyday, my plan was to finish it on Friday but I was done on Thursday. I managed to be productive and finish the assignment way before the deadline. This means I wasn't bored, I didn't overeat and I slept better than any other week.
This is huge for me. I mean, I'm sure I could have also taken some time to exercise, but I don't expect to completely fix a problem I've been having for half of my life all of a sudden. I'm being realistic.
I also know this doesn't mean I am half fixed either. I managed to do this only because it was the subject I like. And I knew I would procrastinate again as soon as I started "working" on the boring assignment. Which is what happened today (is knowing yourself too well a "self-fulfilling prophecy"?).
It was a peek of what I can do, of what my life can be. It's a small step on the right direction. And the best part: even though it was an effort on my part, it wasn't a huge one. I feel like it was just the right amount to feel satisfaction after it's done.

Me (F19) and my ex (F18) have been broken up for around 2 weeks now. I broke up with her because she was lying and just in general treated me badly. Ever since I broke things off and blocked her on everything, she has been making new accounts and calling me from no caller id numbers, the couple of times I have picked up it was just her begging me to give her one more chance. I refuse.
Today she showed up to my house, I asked my dad if I should open the door for her, he said to. So I did, she gave me a scrapbook of us which she made and was asking to get back together again. I said that the book was cute but firmly said no again. Well, we ended up in my bed and I was sleepy so my eyes where closed. Then I wake up to her jumping out of my bed mumbling to herself. I’m like what’s going on? Turns out she went on my phone and saw my messages between this person I had just started talking to earlier today. We were planning a date, nothing more. Well she took the book back and left my house crying. Then she called me off her no caller id around 10 minutes later screaming at me that she hates me, she never wants to see me again, she thought that I was better than this, and that she would never do “that” to me. Am I in the wrong for this?
I could have went through her phone as well today but I didn’t because, we aren’t together anymore. And I’ve told her this at least a million times. I mean she was talking to a guy WHILE we were together actually (this being one of the reasons we broke up) , so I just don’t understand why she’s so upset? It’s my fault for letting her in 100% and even answering the phone ever but her saying she hates me is kinda crazy.

hello all
I moved to another state where there is more humidity and pollution, and now my allergies are the worst they’ve ever been. 10 mg zyrtec OTC doesn’t help me anymore. I haven’t tried Zyrtec D yet , but my symptoms now consist of nose congestion and itch, a bad, dry cough, and ear pain. these allergies also make me feel weak and sleepy.
I don’t know what to do. I haven’t used flonase yet, and I don’t know if I should head to urgent care or not because I have no medical insurance yet. I don’t know if i should stick to drinking ginger tea..
help, please

I was small talking with a co worker and she was eating alot of donuts.i curiously asked "does it not make you sleepy?" cause carbs and sugar you know. i dont eat sweets so idk.
anyway it was basically about her only eating veggies and sweets nothing else. i just said "do you like rice and beans?" Indirectly telling her im worried for your health. she said yes. I stopped talking and she kept talking.
-i really did want to give her a diet plan and basically change her life but i dont want to make strained relations at work so i stayed silent. she was skinny as hell!
i didn't talk after my one comment. I just did the "mm". i noticed she was staring and walking towards me many times but i walked away to do something else in the break room (so it wasnt really like walking away just occupied and not aware of her walking towards)
anyway she left the break room and she didnt say anything before she left. not that i was expecting it, but i wonder if silence in that scenario leads to bad impressions. i do this alot like my parents or anyone talk to me i dont respond for days. or if someone says something im not passionate to talk about I'll just be silent . For example
I go in my mom's room to grab a pencil Mom: "dont take all my pencils!" Me: ... (only takes one and walks out) Mom: "if your not going to talk to me stay out of my room"
Another example, "i know, she is annoying right?" ME: .... (SEES the woman they're referring to looking at me awaiting my response so i respond with a safe answer)
My family is used to this and still gets upset so it's nothing people get adaptive to. But what is wrong here...its a naturalistic approach to reserve energy in my perspective.
TDLR: I naturally am silent when in conversations to reserve energy. I don't respond alot even when i want to. Especially when it can lead to strained relations at work. I walk away or skip their conversation prompt if im not intrigued.

Medication I've recently been diagnosed with ADD and have been prescribed a starting dose of 10mg Ritalin La to take once a day. I usually take it when I wake up around 6-7am, 45min before first meal and 2 shot espresso with breakfast. However each day after around 3pm I am FIGHTING to keep my eyes open with zero energy left in the tank. Also every time I wake up I have zero memory of how or what time I had fallen asleep as if I had just passed out. Is this normal for anyone and if so why? I get generally good sleep before taking it but could easily stay up for 36hours whereas now I'm barely awake for 12hr. Any help would be appreciated. Note: I've also been taking 150mg of Venlafaxine XR for about 1 and a half years.

Lexapro makes me make bad decisions
Vraylar gave me akathesia
Seroquel gave me bad tardive dyskinesia
Latuda gave me brain zaps
I'm on wellbutrin 2 weeks in and kinda hate it.
I tried geodon and don't remeber why I stopped.
I've been given trazadone but never taken it because i already am too sleepy most of the time.
Abilify made the sunlight too bright but maybe I should've taken it longer.
I have ADHD and don't respond well to any of the meds except for an okay ADHD response to wellbutrin.
I feel so lost