Happy birthday to someone who passed away poem
i lik the bred
2017.03.23 18:51 Hasnep i lik the bred
Poems based on this one about a cow licking bread by Poem_for_your_sprog: my name is Cow, and wen its nite, or wen the moon is shiyning brite, and all the men haf gon to bed - i stay up late. i lik the bred.
2010.05.07 09:56 neoronin For those friends who await us at the Rainbow Bridge
petloss is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. This is not a place to post lost Pet stories or any other news about Pets. Posts and comments made by Redditors with unvalidated email require mod approval before they appear here. Please consider verifying your email address.
2013.12.07 01:03 OpTic_Niko Dregslist: Destiny Matchmaking
A matchmaking subreddit for Bungie's /DestinyTheGame.
2024.05.19 09:47 Past_Horror2090 What if Itachi was the protagonist and the story could actually have a happy ending?
 | I will pretend myself Kishimoto for a second and do a rewrite from one point in Shippuden and onwards. submitted by Past_Horror2090 to Naruto [link] [comments] Note: Obviously I have taken creative control of the story and written things in a way that wouldn’t necessarily play out. However I do try to keep it cohesive, and without plot holes. Main point is, don’t take this too seriously and enjoy Now to start off, the rewrite, we will begin during Sasuke’s final Showdown against Itachi in the Fated Battle Between Brother’s Arc. Sasuke is inadvertently killed during their showdown after Itachi sealed Orochimaru. A frightened Sasuke gets pinned by a large branch caught on fire by Amaterasu. Engulfed as the flames spread, Sasuke screams for his brother out of instinct. A worried and weak Itachi is preparing to dispel the flames but suddenly the ground beneath his susanoo, crumbles. Sasuke hears Itachi falling and presumes his brother to be dead. Black Zetsu watch as Itachi soon come to. Itachi then comes across a scorched corpse of his brother, with only the head remaining untouched. Sasuke had awakened his Mangekyō Sharingan in the midst of his fiery death and dispelled the black flames. However, weak from Chakra Exhaustion and severe burns covering most of his body. The young avenger would ultimately succumb to his injuries. Itachi breaks down in sadness, mourning his brothers death day in and day out. Digging a grave to bury Sasuke in. He transplants his brother’s eyes and gain EMS with his chakra disease disappears as a result. Itachi is left aimless and depressed. Longing to rejoin his brother and family in the afterlife. But just as Itachi was preparing to cast Amaterasu upon himself, is he interrupted by Hagoromo Ōtsutsuki’s spirit. The SO6P warns Itachi about a prophecy and the potential resurrection of his mother Kaguya. Which would mean the end of the world. Hagoromo asks Itachi to take on the quest of saving the world, bestowing the Uchiha with Six Paths Chakra, as well as both the Yin and Yang, Moon and Sun Seal. After going over the history of his family, the Dōjutsu, Black Zetsu, Infinite Tsukuyomi and so forth… Does Hagoromo tell Itachi to seek out his old master, Gamamaru. “and the way will become clear” he says. Itachi has ten months according to Hagoromo who’s vision of the future was clouded. Itachi decides that his first course of action is to infiltrate Konoha. He puts the Hokage Guard Platoon under Tsukuyomi where they are brainwashed via Genjutsu to teach him Flying Raijin and to subsequently forget the experience after being knocked out. Inside the mindscape Itachi trains years to learn the technique while in the real world, only a moment had passed by. He also steals journals written by the 2nd and 4th Hokage, as well as a summoning contract for the Toads. Itachi relocates to a cave and signs the contract with blood. Reverse summoning to Mt. Myōboku. Gamamaru is convinced to let him secretly learn Senjutsu and trains with Fukasaku (without Naruto’s knowledge). His prophecy about Naruto and Sasuke saving the world together is renounced by Itachi. Once a year has passed; Itachi goes off to execute his plan and to save the world. Itachi finds and convinces Ino Yamanaka who in turn can telepathically inform the Allied Shinobi Forces of Itachi’s will and true allegiance. Together with the help of a reluctant KCM2 Naruto, Killer B and the Five Kage. Do they manage to seal away all Edo Tensei’s. However Kabuto escapes their grasps. As Itachi expected, Juubidara emerges. Unexpectedly, he had divulged his part in rin’s death which lead to Obito switching sides. Juubidara does however deem Obito and the others inconsequential as he gazes towards the moon, with his Rinnesharingan appearing. While Juubidara thinks that he’s been successful in casting the Infinite Tsukuyomi. It turns out to merely be a fabricated reality by Itachi’s Genjutsu. Suddenly a Six Path Sage Mode Itachi Shadow Clone rips out Madara’s pair of Rinnegan simultaneously as another Itachi stabs him with the Totsuka Blade, before he can react, with imperceptible speed. Juubidara is now sealed. Black Zetsu who is visibly upset, remarks that he will wait for another opportunity to resurrect his mother but is suddenly lit on fire by Amaterasu. Screaming in pain before being stabbed by the Totsuka Blade of a Third Itachi. Itachi is hailed as a hero for saving the world and can finally return to Konoha. Dropping his act as a double agent. Itachi tracks down Kabuto and uses Shisui’s MS ability, Kotoamatsukami via his crow. Convincing Kabuto to implant himself with both of the Rinnegans to offer his life in exchange for using Rinne Rebirth. Reviving Sasuke, Rin Nohara, Minato, Kushina, the entire Uchiha Clan and Jiraya. Who prior to tracking down Kabuto. Itachi had Obito with the help of Ino and Karin, track down Jiraya’s body and extract it from the oceanic depths via SO6P amped Kamui. All those previously mentioned are resurrected, Kabuto dies and the Fourth Shinobi World War comes to an end. Itachi left teary eyed… profusely apologizing to his Clan on both his knees. For the unfathomable events that led him to massacre them, and his many other regretful decisions. Apologizing to Sasuke for the way he had treated him throughout his life. Fugaku and Mikoto embrace Itachi. Soothing his sadness. Eventually they would all forgive him as many including Jiraya could vouch for his misguided actions. Peace would reign throughout Konoha and the Five Great Shinobi Countries. The whole of Konoha felt idyllic at times: Naruto was living with his parents, with Minato reinstated as Hokage. Jiraya marries Tsunade and they both retire as they settle down. Obito marries Rin and named Kakashi as The Godfather to their children. Itachi was unanimously named Clan Leader of the Uchiha Clan. Living out his happy ending with Izumi and his family. Naruto starts dating Hinata. Sasuke starts dating Sakura. Might Guy never had to resort to the 8th Gate. Therefore he is alive, well and kicking. Danzō Shimura was exiled from the Leaf Village and branded a missing-nin. Being secretly assassinated by Shisui, Itachi and Obito. Minato disbands Root. The End… |
2024.05.19 09:45 PatientFrame5052 Am at the same place i was a year ago, physically and mentally, how to win against my own brain??
Sorry for the long paragraph. I don't know which community is right. I am new here.
just to give you a bit of background, yes I changed it a little,
I would appreciate it if any of you take the time to read it. it took a lot to share my problems.
So, um when I was in class 8. We have a board exam that year. So I kinda started my year with a banger. I was studying more attentively. I was being more present in class. I was answering questions. I never answer unless the teacher picks me, which rarely happens. I am a good student. This makes me a bit arrogant, cuz if I got such decent results by not even properly studying, I don't need to stress. So yeah. My year was going super good. And boom covid fucking started. And even tho I was super studying. I am way too lazy too. Now that we were in lockdown. I completely abandoned my books. Forget studying. I was on my phone all day. Like actually all day. To give a bit more info. Class 8 has a board exam. Class 9,10 are studied with the same books, it's where we choose majors like science, commerce, and arts, I was a science student. 11,12 is college and we still have majors like science, commerce, and arts, still choose science. After that is uni. Class 8,9 went like this. Then in class 10. We finally went to school. Like I said classes 9, and 10 are the same book. Soo, I didn't touch my book for a year now I know nothing. That went like this. In the class sitting helpless cuz I know nothing. Then my sister told me about her tutor, so me and my friend went to him. He, we will call him C, introduced us to his friend, and we'll call him K who also became our tutor. Side note, I got comfortable with K, way more than C. K was kinda of my motivation, I wanted to make him proud, but I didn't, I failed. I haven't called him in a year. I am so sorry. I didn't want to disappoint you of all people. But I did.
I think since all I did during lockdown was be on my phone I am still kind of stuck at that age in some ways, mentally. I am almost 18. I was 13 when COVID started. Me and my mum were in some bad blood at that time, probably she asking me to study, but I not. Other than studying for my tutor's homework. I didn't touch my books enough. Suddenly it was exam time. It was a fucking board exam. It would decide my college. To be honest, even at that point I don't think I ever realized the importance, the gravity of the exam. I was prepared I'd say 60%. And yeah. when it was exam time, she became all affectionate. Bringing me milk, stay with me at night. You better believe I fucking hated that. I wanted to be alone. she didn't leave me alone. She was in my room. I hated her sooo much at that time. Just leave me alone na. So just to fucking spite her I didn't study until she was here. I would be on my phone and phone and she still wouldn't leave so I went to study at around 1 or 2 at night. In case you couldn't tell I was heavily dependent on my phone at that time just to well forget what's happening in my life. I kinda got addicted, maybe. So even if I was watching videos I was making plans about how I would study and all. In my head. I was preparing myself mentally. Guess who it took to crash all of this down. Yes, my one and only mum. While I was encouraging myself and all, my mum would come and be like you don't study, look at the maid's daughter doing much better than you ever will. My luck was this bad that I was your mum and all that shit. My maa always talks about how she didn't have to worry about me ever cuz I did everything myself. I don't understand what she thinks this will make me feel. Maybe I didn't want to do shit alone. Now that I truly want to be left alone, yall up my ass.
You think I will study now. Hell, nahh. So I didn't. Some day I went to my exam after barely reading the book at around 8. My exam starts at 10. Yeahhh. good times. It went like this all exam season. Of course, I didn't do well. I got a GPA of 4.52. Of course, I wasted all my free time for 6 months after the exam. I bed rotted the whole 6 months and more. I put on a lot of weight. Soo, I got very insecure. So when me and my friends went to the same tutor I also went there. But suddenly everything was new. I couldn't get past if I went like I was before. I went for a month maybe. I got behind them. I got so scared and insecure. All of them got into the government college there. Only I didn't. I got more insecure being there. I felt like I couldn't catch up even if I tried. So I did what I am best at. Run away. The college started with me bed rotting. I put on a lil more weight. I got even more insecure. It's been almost a year since then, I can count the times I went. Not more than a week. And the half-yearly exam, I failed it's my fault. I didn't study. Only time was passing by. I still am where I was a year ago. In my bed rotting. I haven't touched them, my textbooks, I mean it, they are still brand new. Now my final is in a month. I am still in my bed rotting. I just am soo insecure with my weight and study now. I can't bring myself to study. I feel like I already failed. More my mum started staying with me cuz it's hella hot. I felt like me studying would make her win. I would lose the battle I started. My brain is like unless someone tells me step-by-step detailed instructions on how to do life, I can't do shit. What do I do?? I am so lost mentally. I am just soo scared that I will be the one left behind. I mean I already am. My friends are not mine anymore. I am just one of many of theirs. I fear I would be left behind to rot. I know I am not some saint. I know what I am doing isn't what I of all people should be doing. But how do I win against my brain? It's like if I can't catch up with everyone in a day then it isn't worth trying. If I can't lose that weight, it isn't worth trying. What do I do?? I can't go to a gym. Can't jog or stuff. My mother becomes angsty if I starve. What do I do? Sometimes I just want to disappear for a while.
truth be told, I have no motivation. I don't have anyone, I am willing to work for, not even myself, parents, a better life, everything I dreamt of, future, nothing seems worthy. the only thing I can do is daydream. I understand I am not hardworking as much as I should be. I am quite privileged in life. but I don't know what to do. I am like a sponge, I am all my environment is. I don't want to do this anymore. I hate myself like this. I want to change. I like studying. I like knowing things. I just physically can't bring myself to do the necessary things. it feels like I already lost, I can never catch up. it's upon me to get into a good fucking university, even if I plan to go abroad for higher study.. see I have soo many dreams, yet I can't bring myself to work for them. it's like I am being physically stopped. I am just waiting for something to happen that will be the push I need, but I fear it will be too late then. it's my life I don't need a reason to change myself, especially when I know that this version is doing me more damage than good. I guess it seems from the fact that others know this version, and change is terrifying, especially when you are alone. I am always jealous of the people that have somebody to look up to. I have a lot to add. But I just need to do this it's been 2 days since I wrote it. Sorry if there are any typos. Thank you, if you took the time to read all that. -♡♡
submitted by PatientFrame5052 to selfimprovement [link] [comments]
just to give you a bit of background, yes I changed it a little,
I would appreciate it if any of you take the time to read it. it took a lot to share my problems.
So, um when I was in class 8. We have a board exam that year. So I kinda started my year with a banger. I was studying more attentively. I was being more present in class. I was answering questions. I never answer unless the teacher picks me, which rarely happens. I am a good student. This makes me a bit arrogant, cuz if I got such decent results by not even properly studying, I don't need to stress. So yeah. My year was going super good. And boom covid fucking started. And even tho I was super studying. I am way too lazy too. Now that we were in lockdown. I completely abandoned my books. Forget studying. I was on my phone all day. Like actually all day. To give a bit more info. Class 8 has a board exam. Class 9,10 are studied with the same books, it's where we choose majors like science, commerce, and arts, I was a science student. 11,12 is college and we still have majors like science, commerce, and arts, still choose science. After that is uni. Class 8,9 went like this. Then in class 10. We finally went to school. Like I said classes 9, and 10 are the same book. Soo, I didn't touch my book for a year now I know nothing. That went like this. In the class sitting helpless cuz I know nothing. Then my sister told me about her tutor, so me and my friend went to him. He, we will call him C, introduced us to his friend, and we'll call him K who also became our tutor. Side note, I got comfortable with K, way more than C. K was kinda of my motivation, I wanted to make him proud, but I didn't, I failed. I haven't called him in a year. I am so sorry. I didn't want to disappoint you of all people. But I did.
I think since all I did during lockdown was be on my phone I am still kind of stuck at that age in some ways, mentally. I am almost 18. I was 13 when COVID started. Me and my mum were in some bad blood at that time, probably she asking me to study, but I not. Other than studying for my tutor's homework. I didn't touch my books enough. Suddenly it was exam time. It was a fucking board exam. It would decide my college. To be honest, even at that point I don't think I ever realized the importance, the gravity of the exam. I was prepared I'd say 60%. And yeah. when it was exam time, she became all affectionate. Bringing me milk, stay with me at night. You better believe I fucking hated that. I wanted to be alone. she didn't leave me alone. She was in my room. I hated her sooo much at that time. Just leave me alone na. So just to fucking spite her I didn't study until she was here. I would be on my phone and phone and she still wouldn't leave so I went to study at around 1 or 2 at night. In case you couldn't tell I was heavily dependent on my phone at that time just to well forget what's happening in my life. I kinda got addicted, maybe. So even if I was watching videos I was making plans about how I would study and all. In my head. I was preparing myself mentally. Guess who it took to crash all of this down. Yes, my one and only mum. While I was encouraging myself and all, my mum would come and be like you don't study, look at the maid's daughter doing much better than you ever will. My luck was this bad that I was your mum and all that shit. My maa always talks about how she didn't have to worry about me ever cuz I did everything myself. I don't understand what she thinks this will make me feel. Maybe I didn't want to do shit alone. Now that I truly want to be left alone, yall up my ass.
You think I will study now. Hell, nahh. So I didn't. Some day I went to my exam after barely reading the book at around 8. My exam starts at 10. Yeahhh. good times. It went like this all exam season. Of course, I didn't do well. I got a GPA of 4.52. Of course, I wasted all my free time for 6 months after the exam. I bed rotted the whole 6 months and more. I put on a lot of weight. Soo, I got very insecure. So when me and my friends went to the same tutor I also went there. But suddenly everything was new. I couldn't get past if I went like I was before. I went for a month maybe. I got behind them. I got so scared and insecure. All of them got into the government college there. Only I didn't. I got more insecure being there. I felt like I couldn't catch up even if I tried. So I did what I am best at. Run away. The college started with me bed rotting. I put on a lil more weight. I got even more insecure. It's been almost a year since then, I can count the times I went. Not more than a week. And the half-yearly exam, I failed it's my fault. I didn't study. Only time was passing by. I still am where I was a year ago. In my bed rotting. I haven't touched them, my textbooks, I mean it, they are still brand new. Now my final is in a month. I am still in my bed rotting. I just am soo insecure with my weight and study now. I can't bring myself to study. I feel like I already failed. More my mum started staying with me cuz it's hella hot. I felt like me studying would make her win. I would lose the battle I started. My brain is like unless someone tells me step-by-step detailed instructions on how to do life, I can't do shit. What do I do?? I am so lost mentally. I am just soo scared that I will be the one left behind. I mean I already am. My friends are not mine anymore. I am just one of many of theirs. I fear I would be left behind to rot. I know I am not some saint. I know what I am doing isn't what I of all people should be doing. But how do I win against my brain? It's like if I can't catch up with everyone in a day then it isn't worth trying. If I can't lose that weight, it isn't worth trying. What do I do?? I can't go to a gym. Can't jog or stuff. My mother becomes angsty if I starve. What do I do? Sometimes I just want to disappear for a while.
truth be told, I have no motivation. I don't have anyone, I am willing to work for, not even myself, parents, a better life, everything I dreamt of, future, nothing seems worthy. the only thing I can do is daydream. I understand I am not hardworking as much as I should be. I am quite privileged in life. but I don't know what to do. I am like a sponge, I am all my environment is. I don't want to do this anymore. I hate myself like this. I want to change. I like studying. I like knowing things. I just physically can't bring myself to do the necessary things. it feels like I already lost, I can never catch up. it's upon me to get into a good fucking university, even if I plan to go abroad for higher study.. see I have soo many dreams, yet I can't bring myself to work for them. it's like I am being physically stopped. I am just waiting for something to happen that will be the push I need, but I fear it will be too late then. it's my life I don't need a reason to change myself, especially when I know that this version is doing me more damage than good. I guess it seems from the fact that others know this version, and change is terrifying, especially when you are alone. I am always jealous of the people that have somebody to look up to. I have a lot to add. But I just need to do this it's been 2 days since I wrote it. Sorry if there are any typos. Thank you, if you took the time to read all that. -♡♡
2024.05.19 09:44 vividfins Patches sizing?
I feel a bit awkward posting, but need the help. I hope I'm using the correct flair and I've tried to reduce this to as short as can be, and added some additional context after thinking this over incase it was important at all to the suggestions I'm looking for.
My girl and I are about to try out one of the Onetigris harnesses as we're working on all of her basics right now (almost 3 months out the shelter!) but I wasn't sure what patches tend to fit on the Onetigris vests/harnesses the best length wise and can't get a good answer online. If we ended up liking this one, I'd love to try their other styles if anyone has a recommendation. I'm trying to pinpoint the model I'm buying on their website, since on amazon it doesn't name it. Does anyone with experience using Onetigris dog products, know what length of Velcro patches tend to fit on? I know they won't erase my problems entirely, but I would feel a bit more reassured at potentially avoiding interactions that will grow hostile. I'm waiting for the company to reply to the email I sent a few days ago, but I might've caught them right before the weekend without realizing due to time differences.
Also would it be wiser to size up or size down for this brand? My dog fits into both M and L for the style I'm looking at and I had to panic cancel my order to see what Onetigris suggests. I'm also happy to take suggestions on what gear I could get her to put Velcro patches on, I use pretty slim biothane leashes so I'm unsure if a leash wrap would even fit on it.
Additional context:
My dog is my ESA but is in-training for basic obedience with the goal of helping her learn to calm (overly social, under 2 yrs) + working up to the cgc tests available to me as those are skills she needs to build anyway that are included in the test. She loves everything that BREATHES so I've come to find after we adopted her (failed the foster-to-adopt thing, adopted day two) So I'm not looking for service dog patches anytime soon. At least, not for her unless she magically grows a unicorn horn.
I'm starting with square one for her before we consider taking anything further than basic obedience expected of any dog. But because my dog is an amstaff mix... I get issues with her even WHEN she has an entirely perfect outing. Doesn't matter when, who, what or why, someone's diving in to pick a bone with us. It's stressful, and slowly it's been getting worse. The patches won't fix everything, but it'll probably reduce more interactions if people back away. I was ready for some harassment, but some of the situations have been scary enough to drive me into panic attacks and spend most of the day crying once I get home.
It's getting hot here (we're in the south) and so I don't use her vest that goes over her harness that's a giant "IN TRAINING" sign essentially at the moment. I've been trying other sets that'd be ideal for the summer and give her a break from the freedom-harness at times. She's grown to 55LBS since getting her, and is muscular and bulkier now, so it's been time to check out more gear for her and the future activities we plan on doing.
submitted by vividfins to service_dogs [link] [comments]
My girl and I are about to try out one of the Onetigris harnesses as we're working on all of her basics right now (almost 3 months out the shelter!) but I wasn't sure what patches tend to fit on the Onetigris vests/harnesses the best length wise and can't get a good answer online. If we ended up liking this one, I'd love to try their other styles if anyone has a recommendation. I'm trying to pinpoint the model I'm buying on their website, since on amazon it doesn't name it. Does anyone with experience using Onetigris dog products, know what length of Velcro patches tend to fit on? I know they won't erase my problems entirely, but I would feel a bit more reassured at potentially avoiding interactions that will grow hostile. I'm waiting for the company to reply to the email I sent a few days ago, but I might've caught them right before the weekend without realizing due to time differences.
Also would it be wiser to size up or size down for this brand? My dog fits into both M and L for the style I'm looking at and I had to panic cancel my order to see what Onetigris suggests. I'm also happy to take suggestions on what gear I could get her to put Velcro patches on, I use pretty slim biothane leashes so I'm unsure if a leash wrap would even fit on it.
Additional context:
My dog is my ESA but is in-training for basic obedience with the goal of helping her learn to calm (overly social, under 2 yrs) + working up to the cgc tests available to me as those are skills she needs to build anyway that are included in the test. She loves everything that BREATHES so I've come to find after we adopted her (failed the foster-to-adopt thing, adopted day two) So I'm not looking for service dog patches anytime soon. At least, not for her unless she magically grows a unicorn horn.
I'm starting with square one for her before we consider taking anything further than basic obedience expected of any dog. But because my dog is an amstaff mix... I get issues with her even WHEN she has an entirely perfect outing. Doesn't matter when, who, what or why, someone's diving in to pick a bone with us. It's stressful, and slowly it's been getting worse. The patches won't fix everything, but it'll probably reduce more interactions if people back away. I was ready for some harassment, but some of the situations have been scary enough to drive me into panic attacks and spend most of the day crying once I get home.
It's getting hot here (we're in the south) and so I don't use her vest that goes over her harness that's a giant "IN TRAINING" sign essentially at the moment. I've been trying other sets that'd be ideal for the summer and give her a break from the freedom-harness at times. She's grown to 55LBS since getting her, and is muscular and bulkier now, so it's been time to check out more gear for her and the future activities we plan on doing.
2024.05.19 09:38 Universitties My (autistic) best friend randomly kissed me on the mouth…?
Ok so I (16f) became friends with a classmate a few months ago (also 16f) and I’m her only friend. She genuinely doesn’t have any other friends than me and she is VERY vocal about how much she appreciates and happy she is that I spend my time with her. She can get really affectionate sometimes when expressing her feelings and it’s borderline uncomfortable sometimes but I let it slide because that’s the way she expresses her emotions. Like we had a sleepover and I got in my bed, and suddenly she climbed in next to me and then wrapped her arms around me and cuddled me as she fell asleep.
Today we hung out and at the end of the day I got on the subway to go back home and I said goodbye to her, and she said bye, and then suddenly she leaned in and kissed me on the mouth for a few seconds…I was caught offguard and just stood there, and when she pulled away she just waved and said to let her know when I got home (like she would if she hugged me).
I’m gonna be honest, I’m a little weirded out. I don’t think there’s a single person who can disagree that randomly being kissed is a surprising experience, but this may also bring up some questions about how she may feel towards me. Maybe she was just acting strange since she can do that sometimes, but like…how do you platonically kiss someone?
submitted by Universitties to autism [link] [comments]
Today we hung out and at the end of the day I got on the subway to go back home and I said goodbye to her, and she said bye, and then suddenly she leaned in and kissed me on the mouth for a few seconds…I was caught offguard and just stood there, and when she pulled away she just waved and said to let her know when I got home (like she would if she hugged me).
I’m gonna be honest, I’m a little weirded out. I don’t think there’s a single person who can disagree that randomly being kissed is a surprising experience, but this may also bring up some questions about how she may feel towards me. Maybe she was just acting strange since she can do that sometimes, but like…how do you platonically kiss someone?
2024.05.19 09:32 Select-Cranberry1635 I (26F) think I just ended relationship with the person (36M) I have fell in love with. Did I make a mistake?
My boyfriend and I met 7 months ago, he has been through horrible relationships in the past, in fact he was going through custody battle during this time. I was extremely supportive and kind to him. We connected and bonded and learned,changed a lot of things being with each other. I knew he’s guards were up and he always said ‘I’d like to believe that I can be a good boyfriend and provide for everything a new relationship needed’. He has been so much vulnerable with me, part of me fell for him because I connected so much to him during this time. Just this week, he won the custody battle and he signed a contract for his new house.
Now a little about me, I have abandonment issues and very anxious, he knows everything about it and has been extremely supportive to me as well. I am an expat in his country, haven’t seen my family in 2 years now for many different reasons. I have been longing to go on a trip abroad/locally for sometime now. I came up with the idea last month and he said he will think about it and come up with a plan. But he got a hearing date this week and we didn’t speak about it. Just yesterday we met and had an amazing day out in the city, just as he was about to drop me back home, I asked if we could go away next weekend (it doesn’t coincide with his time with his child), he said i am asking too much from him especially when he has a lot to think about (moving houses in the coming month, accommodating things for the child to start sleeping in the new house). It really broke my heart when he said that I was too much.
He did try to come up with instant solutions/ideas when he saw how hurt I was. But I could see that he was doing this to please me. I felt really bad, I just wanted him to be enthusiastic about it just as much I was, I really needed a break from everything, I have gone through few things (maybe not as major as a custody battle) myself. He was a different person with his ex, who was btw extremely horrible to him. For a brief period of time I spurted out that ‘you were a different person with your ex and I want that’. I know it was wrong. I do know he has other commitments but tbh, he didn’t make me a part of those commitments. I am happy that things are looking bright for him but going away this weekend was my thing. I thought we were there for each other’s things. While saying all of this to him, I said I loved him for the first time but at the same time I I wanted someone to be enthusiastic about my ideas too. Things were awkward, and weird after that and I think I broke up with him. We haven’t spoken since yesterday and I’m hurting so much. I wish the entire situation would be different cause I do love him, maybe he doesn’t as much.. I would appreciate any advice over here.
submitted by Select-Cranberry1635 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Now a little about me, I have abandonment issues and very anxious, he knows everything about it and has been extremely supportive to me as well. I am an expat in his country, haven’t seen my family in 2 years now for many different reasons. I have been longing to go on a trip abroad/locally for sometime now. I came up with the idea last month and he said he will think about it and come up with a plan. But he got a hearing date this week and we didn’t speak about it. Just yesterday we met and had an amazing day out in the city, just as he was about to drop me back home, I asked if we could go away next weekend (it doesn’t coincide with his time with his child), he said i am asking too much from him especially when he has a lot to think about (moving houses in the coming month, accommodating things for the child to start sleeping in the new house). It really broke my heart when he said that I was too much.
He did try to come up with instant solutions/ideas when he saw how hurt I was. But I could see that he was doing this to please me. I felt really bad, I just wanted him to be enthusiastic about it just as much I was, I really needed a break from everything, I have gone through few things (maybe not as major as a custody battle) myself. He was a different person with his ex, who was btw extremely horrible to him. For a brief period of time I spurted out that ‘you were a different person with your ex and I want that’. I know it was wrong. I do know he has other commitments but tbh, he didn’t make me a part of those commitments. I am happy that things are looking bright for him but going away this weekend was my thing. I thought we were there for each other’s things. While saying all of this to him, I said I loved him for the first time but at the same time I I wanted someone to be enthusiastic about my ideas too. Things were awkward, and weird after that and I think I broke up with him. We haven’t spoken since yesterday and I’m hurting so much. I wish the entire situation would be different cause I do love him, maybe he doesn’t as much.. I would appreciate any advice over here.
2024.05.19 09:32 Cojemo 27[M4F] Canada/Online - little dork looking for another dork so we can be dorky together!!
Heya everyone who may be reading this!! I'm here looking for a genuine connection, and taking things slow to get to know each other is fine by me! I'm mainly looking for a friendship where we can both be open with each other. :)
Gaming is definitely my main hobby as of now, and I play a variety of different types. From horror to casual I'm usually up for whatever. I also happen to be a streamer! Vtuber to be specific. I ain't big or anything as I take it casually, but I love my community to bits and I've made so many great friends because of it. It's helped me play more games and get to stuff I may have missed before. For example, I played through all the 3d Zelda games, and I also am playing Paper Mario which I am loving! I'd love to talk more about it and the games we love later, as I love learning about new people!
I quite enjoy TV shows, anime, and movies and have a bunch of hobbies I'd love to learn like art, but...here comes the big caveat with me: i suffer from pretty extreme depression that's made it hard for me to do things I used to enjoy as I can barely focus unless someone sits down with me to do it. The main reason I started streaming is so I'd be able to play games again as it was so hard for me to so so otherwise. I don't have a job and have lived with my mom for the past 8 years, and while I'm trying my best (currently trying adhd meds), it's been rough. Don't get me wrong, though. My mood is relatively stable and I'm actually quite positive and optimistic, though my current meds are messing with my head a bit. I may need some pokes if I don't respond right away and patience would be super appreciated. I've grown so much as a person over the years and have learned a lot about myself and how to be comfortable with who I am and embrace it. So yeah, I totally understand if you don't wanna deal with my current situation and all that. I just wanted to be upfront about it so you know what you're getting into.
ANYWAYS!! I consider myself a chill, goofy, and caring person, and I genuinely love helping people and hope to make it my career someday and be something like a social worker or counselor. I just really enjoy making other people happy, ya know? I can also be relatively shy and awkward, but at the same time I have the energy and enthusiasm to make up for it. I like to consider myself an 'extroverted introvert' if you will. I also really try to be open with my emotions and approach things upfront, and loyalty is a HUGE thing for me. I am loyal to a fault and will stick by someone's side even if it's probably not good for me if I care about them enough.
Let's see....besides having a cat named Roo who I love a ton, I think that's it! I'm probably missing a few things, but I'm not always the best at organizing my thoughts haha. I'd love to chat and get to know whoever is reading this more, but if not that's fine as well as I totally understand. I hope you all have a great day and find what you're looking for! :)
submitted by Cojemo to r4r [link] [comments]
Gaming is definitely my main hobby as of now, and I play a variety of different types. From horror to casual I'm usually up for whatever. I also happen to be a streamer! Vtuber to be specific. I ain't big or anything as I take it casually, but I love my community to bits and I've made so many great friends because of it. It's helped me play more games and get to stuff I may have missed before. For example, I played through all the 3d Zelda games, and I also am playing Paper Mario which I am loving! I'd love to talk more about it and the games we love later, as I love learning about new people!
I quite enjoy TV shows, anime, and movies and have a bunch of hobbies I'd love to learn like art, but...here comes the big caveat with me: i suffer from pretty extreme depression that's made it hard for me to do things I used to enjoy as I can barely focus unless someone sits down with me to do it. The main reason I started streaming is so I'd be able to play games again as it was so hard for me to so so otherwise. I don't have a job and have lived with my mom for the past 8 years, and while I'm trying my best (currently trying adhd meds), it's been rough. Don't get me wrong, though. My mood is relatively stable and I'm actually quite positive and optimistic, though my current meds are messing with my head a bit. I may need some pokes if I don't respond right away and patience would be super appreciated. I've grown so much as a person over the years and have learned a lot about myself and how to be comfortable with who I am and embrace it. So yeah, I totally understand if you don't wanna deal with my current situation and all that. I just wanted to be upfront about it so you know what you're getting into.
ANYWAYS!! I consider myself a chill, goofy, and caring person, and I genuinely love helping people and hope to make it my career someday and be something like a social worker or counselor. I just really enjoy making other people happy, ya know? I can also be relatively shy and awkward, but at the same time I have the energy and enthusiasm to make up for it. I like to consider myself an 'extroverted introvert' if you will. I also really try to be open with my emotions and approach things upfront, and loyalty is a HUGE thing for me. I am loyal to a fault and will stick by someone's side even if it's probably not good for me if I care about them enough.
Let's see....besides having a cat named Roo who I love a ton, I think that's it! I'm probably missing a few things, but I'm not always the best at organizing my thoughts haha. I'd love to chat and get to know whoever is reading this more, but if not that's fine as well as I totally understand. I hope you all have a great day and find what you're looking for! :)
2024.05.19 09:32 RedditAwesome2 ACL reconstruction (+MCL/LAT Meniscus injury)- Do NOT Skip Pre-hab. No pain, no brace, one crutch DAY 1 Post-Op. WTF.
I just wanted to share my experience here and as I had never seen something like this and I actually had an OVERWHEMINGLY positive experience with this surgery. I realise there is luck + age(29) involved but pre-hab really paid off.
There will be a tl;dr + my final PREHAB exercises.
On march 3rd I tore my MCL (2nd degree) + ACL (full tear) + Lateral meniscus (2nd degree leision) from my MRI. I couldn’t bear any weight and upon ER visit I was given a brace.
First 30 days I wore the brace (because of the torn MCL which requires it to heal on its own) and could only put a very minimal amount of weight on my injured leg. Did that, then started PT on day 30.
Day 30 after injury - had no muscle on my leg, couldn’t bend my knee at all. Had my first PT session where they removed my brace. I started PT 3 times a week at a sports centre where they also worked with the best surgeons in my city. PT was kind of painful and started out slow but it was getting better each day. On week 2 of PT I started doing all the exercises at home on rest days, so basically I did PT 7 times per week.
Day 60 after injury - was supposed to have my surgery here but my Physio suggested to my surgeon to delay. I still went for a check up where my surgeon said he could have done the surgery that week and it was good enough but I/We declined and opted in to wait another 2 weeks of PT. At this point in time my leg was still a bit stiff but after warming up I could bend it properly. My extension was also pretty good / flat but couldn’t match my hyperextension.
Day 60 - 74 after injury - I kept going hard at PT for the last two weeks before surgery, sometimes I did PT at home twice, even went for stationary bike at the gym. At this point for the extra added two weeks, my leg actually started feeling like my own leg again. The progress, as suggested by my PT, was INSANE. Day and night difference. Some days still felt a bit stiff but I was able to lower the bicycle seat a lot, gained a bunch of muscle back, swelling in the mornings was VERY minimal. I could sleep on my side etc. I felt like a normal person again. Sure I could only walk slowly but I didn’t have ANY limp anymore, so much that car drivers would get annoyed at me at crossroads for walking slowly.
Day 75 after injury - SURGERY DAY. I went in pretty nervous but I talked to my PT who as I mentioned also worked at the clinic and was there right before my surgery. He gave me encouraging words but I was still in panic mode. My turn for surgery came, went in, had the ?partial anasthesia where you stop feeling your legs which felt super weird to me. I was still pretty nervous and kind of shivering so they asked if I wanted full anasthesia or just some sort of drugs added to my systems to relax. I said I wanted the funny thing (LOL) and sure enough, the nurse puts in the funny thing and within what felt like 30 seconds, I started laughing in my head and hearing my own voice saying funny shit like “lol finally getting surgery this shits cool haha”. It felt super weird as my anxiety disappeared within seconds. That’s when the surgeon popped in my view and told me the good news - my meniscus had healed properly (as well as the MCL) since I wore the brace for 30 days after injury and did prehab. The guys at my prehab place did tell me most times with the brace and prehab the meniscus can fix itself but I didn’t think that would be my case. So when surgeon told me I did a big thumbsup, laughed a bit and said some dumb shit like “awesome” lol. My entire 2 hour ACL surgery felt like 5 minutes after they had put in the “relax” drug. I loved it, I barely remember any of it other than seeing my leg being thrown around a bit. DEFINITELY ASK FOR THE FUNNY DRUG IT MADE ME SO CALM AND HAPPY (I never do any other drugs, rarely drink etc but this felt like getting verrrryyy tipsy right before going black out drunk usually lol). Surgery’s done, it’s a success, they send me back to my room. This place also uses drainage for 48hr so you stay in the clinic. I kept waiting for the pain to arrive but I was so buzzed up with the funny things and kept telling each nurse how good the stuff they put in me was LOL. I probably still looked worried as they kept making jokes about me being very worried and how they’d take care. They kept asking me if I had any pain and that’s when I used my REDDIT KNOWLEDGE and told them my pain was 1/10 but I heard you wanna take meds preemptively as if you feel any pain - meds not gonna work. Some time passed and they gave me the hardcore painkillers in my veins. They had some “program” where they give you stuff each 4 hours. I felt NO PAIN AT ALL. My accident felt WORSE than laying in the hospital bed post op. I kept waiting for the pain to arrive but it never did.
ONE DAY POST OP - I was playing on my switch when at about 9 AM my PT storms into the room and starts telling me to quit playing lmao. He asked me if I could do a leg raise, and sure enough I could. I knew I could because while laying down I kind of kept checking my mind muscle connection and even after surgery I could still feel my muscles. He tells me to do 25 and he’ll be back later. Mind you, 25 leg raises with a drainage and a heavy-ish brace, under painkillers that were given me an hour earlier as part of the 1 per 4 hour things. But I was able to do them.
Fast forward one hour and my PT is back. He’s telling me that we’re gonna start walking. I’m happy and get up. Immedietely a bit lightheaded so I took some water and was standing up on two crutches. They had previously shown me how to use crutches at PT, so I tried to walk as fast and normal looking as possible. To my shock, 3 steps in, my PT literally laughed and KICKED THE BACK OF MY OPERATED LEG and said “go faster nothing to worry about, I don’t gave much time here lol”. The kick kinda hurt but it made me more confident walking. I did about 10-15 steps on two crutches, he told me to not lean on them but just use for balance. Did some more steps and he literally grabbed one of my crutches and ran away laughing. Told me that I only need one and sure enough - I could walk with one crutch (and the basic support brace). He then taught me how to go up and down stairs and gave me 6 exercises to do in my hospital bed. I did them and that was it. He said “no limit on walking and bear as much weight as you can”. I literally couldn’t believe it. Day ONE post op, one crutch. I had NEVER even read a story like that on this sub. Felt crazy good to know that doing the 6 weeks PT with him saved me so much trouble. As a side note, the other patients in my room, some of which with the same doctor felt TRAMENDOUS amount of pain, couldn’t sleep, kept hearing them do little screams from the pain etc. etc. etc. I was the only one who did extreme PT before surgery from my room.
Day 2 post op - had drainage AND BRACE removed and was told to only rest up to not have any more swelling (drainage is used to remove swelling basically). So I laid around in the hospital bed, got up to the toilet a few times and could only walk with one crutch no brace and that was day 2.
Day 3 post op - I went home, managed to fit in car front seat, did the exercises I was told to do and could sort of walk one crutch only to get around even tho it was not easy and felt a bit sus.
——
My FINAL PRE-OP list of PT EXERCISES in the correct order: 1. 12-15 minutes of stationary bike on the lowest possible seat where I felt no pain or light in my knee. 2. 3x15 or climbing up a stair, as high as I could. You put your injured leg on the stair, you climb up with your other leg and then put the other leg back on the ground. At this time I could do a pretty good height on this exercise and do slow negatives. The height was about 3 standart staircase steps or 3x a regular stepper. 3. 3x20 slowly walking down a stair, from as high as possible. Walking down was harder for me, so my maximum was about 2 steps high (66% of climbing). You step on the top step and use your healthy leg to touch the ground and then “jump” back up on your injured leg which never leaves the higher step. 4. 4x20 Squatting on a very low bench. Basically slowly sitting down to something as low as you can while making sure to bend your knees equally. I could do this at two steps heigh where my knees would bend quite a bit more than 90 degrees. Still felt a bit of pain here 5. Walk around for 30-60 sec instead of rest between all of these. If I had energy left, I would add in a few mins at the bike at a lower seat.
That’s it, do all of them as slowly as possible. I did these sometimes twice a day if I had the willpower and my knee felt good. Also used ice after doing them sometimes and made sure to have mind muscle connection and use my injured leg as much as possible. ——-
Tldr; DO PRE-HAB. Managed to walk one crutch only DAY ONE after ACL reconstruction with a temporary brace that was removed day two and went out of the hospital on just one crutch. Only minor pain after surgery 2/10. A bit painful to walk around and bear weight but that’s as expected. Do your prehab because others in my room couldn’t walk at all and were in agonizing pain for 3 days after surgery.
Thanks for reading, I hope this post is helpful for fellow sports lovers. I am 29 years old / 6’1 / 180 lbs, did mostly bodybuilding at the gym and bicycle.
submitted by RedditAwesome2 to ACL [link] [comments]
There will be a tl;dr + my final PREHAB exercises.
On march 3rd I tore my MCL (2nd degree) + ACL (full tear) + Lateral meniscus (2nd degree leision) from my MRI. I couldn’t bear any weight and upon ER visit I was given a brace.
First 30 days I wore the brace (because of the torn MCL which requires it to heal on its own) and could only put a very minimal amount of weight on my injured leg. Did that, then started PT on day 30.
Day 30 after injury - had no muscle on my leg, couldn’t bend my knee at all. Had my first PT session where they removed my brace. I started PT 3 times a week at a sports centre where they also worked with the best surgeons in my city. PT was kind of painful and started out slow but it was getting better each day. On week 2 of PT I started doing all the exercises at home on rest days, so basically I did PT 7 times per week.
Day 60 after injury - was supposed to have my surgery here but my Physio suggested to my surgeon to delay. I still went for a check up where my surgeon said he could have done the surgery that week and it was good enough but I/We declined and opted in to wait another 2 weeks of PT. At this point in time my leg was still a bit stiff but after warming up I could bend it properly. My extension was also pretty good / flat but couldn’t match my hyperextension.
Day 60 - 74 after injury - I kept going hard at PT for the last two weeks before surgery, sometimes I did PT at home twice, even went for stationary bike at the gym. At this point for the extra added two weeks, my leg actually started feeling like my own leg again. The progress, as suggested by my PT, was INSANE. Day and night difference. Some days still felt a bit stiff but I was able to lower the bicycle seat a lot, gained a bunch of muscle back, swelling in the mornings was VERY minimal. I could sleep on my side etc. I felt like a normal person again. Sure I could only walk slowly but I didn’t have ANY limp anymore, so much that car drivers would get annoyed at me at crossroads for walking slowly.
Day 75 after injury - SURGERY DAY. I went in pretty nervous but I talked to my PT who as I mentioned also worked at the clinic and was there right before my surgery. He gave me encouraging words but I was still in panic mode. My turn for surgery came, went in, had the ?partial anasthesia where you stop feeling your legs which felt super weird to me. I was still pretty nervous and kind of shivering so they asked if I wanted full anasthesia or just some sort of drugs added to my systems to relax. I said I wanted the funny thing (LOL) and sure enough, the nurse puts in the funny thing and within what felt like 30 seconds, I started laughing in my head and hearing my own voice saying funny shit like “lol finally getting surgery this shits cool haha”. It felt super weird as my anxiety disappeared within seconds. That’s when the surgeon popped in my view and told me the good news - my meniscus had healed properly (as well as the MCL) since I wore the brace for 30 days after injury and did prehab. The guys at my prehab place did tell me most times with the brace and prehab the meniscus can fix itself but I didn’t think that would be my case. So when surgeon told me I did a big thumbsup, laughed a bit and said some dumb shit like “awesome” lol. My entire 2 hour ACL surgery felt like 5 minutes after they had put in the “relax” drug. I loved it, I barely remember any of it other than seeing my leg being thrown around a bit. DEFINITELY ASK FOR THE FUNNY DRUG IT MADE ME SO CALM AND HAPPY (I never do any other drugs, rarely drink etc but this felt like getting verrrryyy tipsy right before going black out drunk usually lol). Surgery’s done, it’s a success, they send me back to my room. This place also uses drainage for 48hr so you stay in the clinic. I kept waiting for the pain to arrive but I was so buzzed up with the funny things and kept telling each nurse how good the stuff they put in me was LOL. I probably still looked worried as they kept making jokes about me being very worried and how they’d take care. They kept asking me if I had any pain and that’s when I used my REDDIT KNOWLEDGE and told them my pain was 1/10 but I heard you wanna take meds preemptively as if you feel any pain - meds not gonna work. Some time passed and they gave me the hardcore painkillers in my veins. They had some “program” where they give you stuff each 4 hours. I felt NO PAIN AT ALL. My accident felt WORSE than laying in the hospital bed post op. I kept waiting for the pain to arrive but it never did.
ONE DAY POST OP - I was playing on my switch when at about 9 AM my PT storms into the room and starts telling me to quit playing lmao. He asked me if I could do a leg raise, and sure enough I could. I knew I could because while laying down I kind of kept checking my mind muscle connection and even after surgery I could still feel my muscles. He tells me to do 25 and he’ll be back later. Mind you, 25 leg raises with a drainage and a heavy-ish brace, under painkillers that were given me an hour earlier as part of the 1 per 4 hour things. But I was able to do them.
Fast forward one hour and my PT is back. He’s telling me that we’re gonna start walking. I’m happy and get up. Immedietely a bit lightheaded so I took some water and was standing up on two crutches. They had previously shown me how to use crutches at PT, so I tried to walk as fast and normal looking as possible. To my shock, 3 steps in, my PT literally laughed and KICKED THE BACK OF MY OPERATED LEG and said “go faster nothing to worry about, I don’t gave much time here lol”. The kick kinda hurt but it made me more confident walking. I did about 10-15 steps on two crutches, he told me to not lean on them but just use for balance. Did some more steps and he literally grabbed one of my crutches and ran away laughing. Told me that I only need one and sure enough - I could walk with one crutch (and the basic support brace). He then taught me how to go up and down stairs and gave me 6 exercises to do in my hospital bed. I did them and that was it. He said “no limit on walking and bear as much weight as you can”. I literally couldn’t believe it. Day ONE post op, one crutch. I had NEVER even read a story like that on this sub. Felt crazy good to know that doing the 6 weeks PT with him saved me so much trouble. As a side note, the other patients in my room, some of which with the same doctor felt TRAMENDOUS amount of pain, couldn’t sleep, kept hearing them do little screams from the pain etc. etc. etc. I was the only one who did extreme PT before surgery from my room.
Day 2 post op - had drainage AND BRACE removed and was told to only rest up to not have any more swelling (drainage is used to remove swelling basically). So I laid around in the hospital bed, got up to the toilet a few times and could only walk with one crutch no brace and that was day 2.
Day 3 post op - I went home, managed to fit in car front seat, did the exercises I was told to do and could sort of walk one crutch only to get around even tho it was not easy and felt a bit sus.
——
My FINAL PRE-OP list of PT EXERCISES in the correct order: 1. 12-15 minutes of stationary bike on the lowest possible seat where I felt no pain or light in my knee. 2. 3x15 or climbing up a stair, as high as I could. You put your injured leg on the stair, you climb up with your other leg and then put the other leg back on the ground. At this time I could do a pretty good height on this exercise and do slow negatives. The height was about 3 standart staircase steps or 3x a regular stepper. 3. 3x20 slowly walking down a stair, from as high as possible. Walking down was harder for me, so my maximum was about 2 steps high (66% of climbing). You step on the top step and use your healthy leg to touch the ground and then “jump” back up on your injured leg which never leaves the higher step. 4. 4x20 Squatting on a very low bench. Basically slowly sitting down to something as low as you can while making sure to bend your knees equally. I could do this at two steps heigh where my knees would bend quite a bit more than 90 degrees. Still felt a bit of pain here 5. Walk around for 30-60 sec instead of rest between all of these. If I had energy left, I would add in a few mins at the bike at a lower seat.
That’s it, do all of them as slowly as possible. I did these sometimes twice a day if I had the willpower and my knee felt good. Also used ice after doing them sometimes and made sure to have mind muscle connection and use my injured leg as much as possible. ——-
Tldr; DO PRE-HAB. Managed to walk one crutch only DAY ONE after ACL reconstruction with a temporary brace that was removed day two and went out of the hospital on just one crutch. Only minor pain after surgery 2/10. A bit painful to walk around and bear weight but that’s as expected. Do your prehab because others in my room couldn’t walk at all and were in agonizing pain for 3 days after surgery.
Thanks for reading, I hope this post is helpful for fellow sports lovers. I am 29 years old / 6’1 / 180 lbs, did mostly bodybuilding at the gym and bicycle.
2024.05.19 09:30 relationshipguy254 Relationship Problems: What To Do If Your Partner Isn't Willing to Change?
When you're in a committed relationship or married and your partner doesn't want to change, but they're doing things that bother you, like hanging out with friends you don't like, not calling you, or flirting with others, what should you do? Should you just wake up and leave, find another relationship, or try to force them to change? Let’s explore this in the perspective of not simply leaving but looking at it from an angle where you’re using it to help you grow. This only applies for relationships which are somewhat unhealthy but not abusive.
The first thing to do when your partner does something you don't like is to understand how it affects you personally, not just externally. If you feel really upset or sad when your partner doesn't answer your calls, it might mean there's something you need to address within yourself. It could be your own insecurities, fears of losing them, being alone, abandoned, or cheated on.
So, it's important to focus on yourself first. When you take a step back and reflect, you might realize there are aspects within yourself that need your attention. I've seen this happen with someone close to me. She wanted her partner to change, but after talking with her, she realized that she had been neglecting herself and always putting her partner's needs before her own, constantly trying to please them and impress them. In fact, she had never even taken herself out.
When you look within, you realize that there are things you've never done for yourself because you're so ingrained in your partner and their behavior or the desire for change. And it's not your fault; it's just that sometimes, due to how we've been taught about relationships, we become very focused on the other person. We put all our attention on them, forgetting about ourselves. Before even thinking about wanting your partner to change their behavior, look at yourself. Then, after self-reflection, begin to change certain aspects within yourself. Start by shifting away from prioritizing others over yourself, establishing boundaries, and acknowledging your own needs.
Then, what you'll realize is that there are two possible outcomes. You may find that your partner feels challenged to begin their own journey of growth. Sometimes, when you start asserting your independence, setting boundaries, and being true to yourself, your partner may feel threatened. This could lead to them reacting with anger, or they might respond in a positive way.
They might also decide to change because you're no longer tolerating their behavior. You're not entertaining their subtle manipulation or playing the victim. Sometimes, partners engage in these behaviors because they've done them for a long time and you’ve also been knowingly/unknowingly enabling them, but when you assert yourself, it can prompt them to change. They might start seeking help because they realize it's not just about losing you; it's about improving themselves.
And even if your partner doesn't change right away, if they don't change, when you focus on yourself, you'll know the best course of action. You won't be acting out of fear but out of prioritizing yourself or seeing the situation clearly. So, it's a win-win situation for you. You'll reach a point where you can be okay with the relationship or with your partner changing their behaviors, but you can also be okay without the relationship.
That's the essence of working on yourself. It's about giving yourself options, rather than feeling confined to making something work no matter what. When you focus on personal growth, it might inspire your partner to change, but ultimately, the one who changes will always be you. It's important to be okay with whatever outcome, knowing that you'll have a better life whether you stay in the relationship or not. So, before repeatedly asking your partner to change their behavior, take a moment to understand how their actions affect you.
This applies to relationships with typical challenges, not abuse, but personal growth is essential regardless of the relationship. Rather than viewing the relationship as a lifelong commitment, see it as a journey for personal growth and learning. By focusing on growing the you, you might positively influence your partner, as they say, "iron sharpens iron." But if they don't, you'll be better equipped to determine the best path forward for yourself.
Note from the Author
If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.
submitted by relationshipguy254 to healfromabuse [link] [comments]
The first thing to do when your partner does something you don't like is to understand how it affects you personally, not just externally. If you feel really upset or sad when your partner doesn't answer your calls, it might mean there's something you need to address within yourself. It could be your own insecurities, fears of losing them, being alone, abandoned, or cheated on.
So, it's important to focus on yourself first. When you take a step back and reflect, you might realize there are aspects within yourself that need your attention. I've seen this happen with someone close to me. She wanted her partner to change, but after talking with her, she realized that she had been neglecting herself and always putting her partner's needs before her own, constantly trying to please them and impress them. In fact, she had never even taken herself out.
When you look within, you realize that there are things you've never done for yourself because you're so ingrained in your partner and their behavior or the desire for change. And it's not your fault; it's just that sometimes, due to how we've been taught about relationships, we become very focused on the other person. We put all our attention on them, forgetting about ourselves. Before even thinking about wanting your partner to change their behavior, look at yourself. Then, after self-reflection, begin to change certain aspects within yourself. Start by shifting away from prioritizing others over yourself, establishing boundaries, and acknowledging your own needs.
Then, what you'll realize is that there are two possible outcomes. You may find that your partner feels challenged to begin their own journey of growth. Sometimes, when you start asserting your independence, setting boundaries, and being true to yourself, your partner may feel threatened. This could lead to them reacting with anger, or they might respond in a positive way.
They might also decide to change because you're no longer tolerating their behavior. You're not entertaining their subtle manipulation or playing the victim. Sometimes, partners engage in these behaviors because they've done them for a long time and you’ve also been knowingly/unknowingly enabling them, but when you assert yourself, it can prompt them to change. They might start seeking help because they realize it's not just about losing you; it's about improving themselves.
And even if your partner doesn't change right away, if they don't change, when you focus on yourself, you'll know the best course of action. You won't be acting out of fear but out of prioritizing yourself or seeing the situation clearly. So, it's a win-win situation for you. You'll reach a point where you can be okay with the relationship or with your partner changing their behaviors, but you can also be okay without the relationship.
That's the essence of working on yourself. It's about giving yourself options, rather than feeling confined to making something work no matter what. When you focus on personal growth, it might inspire your partner to change, but ultimately, the one who changes will always be you. It's important to be okay with whatever outcome, knowing that you'll have a better life whether you stay in the relationship or not. So, before repeatedly asking your partner to change their behavior, take a moment to understand how their actions affect you.
This applies to relationships with typical challenges, not abuse, but personal growth is essential regardless of the relationship. Rather than viewing the relationship as a lifelong commitment, see it as a journey for personal growth and learning. By focusing on growing the you, you might positively influence your partner, as they say, "iron sharpens iron." But if they don't, you'll be better equipped to determine the best path forward for yourself.
Note from the Author
If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.
2024.05.19 09:24 Best-Struggle-2738 I give up.
It all started with the divorce. I moved into an apartment so close to my old house that you couldn't hear an entire song between the two places. That's because I have three great kids (16, 13, 8) and, yes, in a minute I know you're going to say that they need me, etc. but what they really need is a real father, not one who constantly never has any money and is constantly out of sorts with stress. I'm a freelance writer with an undemanding, intermittent contract role with a prominent employer. This ends at the end of next month. Then there's nothing.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
After I filed for divorce, I decided to file Chapter 13. This immediately rendered it impossible for me to get a car loan after I sold my vehicle due to cash problems. Drained my mom of her money keeping me in my apartment. Went to a treatment center for 5 days after I relapsed after years of sobriety. Lost my job at Chase in 2021. Couldn't afford my meds anymore so I got a DUI (dismissed), but not for drinking -- it was for driving under the influence of mental-health Rx withdrawal (not kidding - it was a thing). P.S. The meds went from $30/mo. to $210/mo. and I have four of them.
I then started dating a wonderful woman/friend. We got engaged. Happiness. Shortly thereafter, I fell out of a truck helping a friend move commercial-grade windows at a construction site because I'm uncoordinated. A freak, cartoonish accident. Shattered my ankle and leg. Lived on a couch for 3 months in excruciating pain.
I get up and try to work nonstop. Anything to get extra money. I barely sleep. I keep trying to move forward but life persists in pulling me back down. Whenever I have good news about something, 4 other problems rise up. I ask everyone what can **I** do to be better, what can **I** do to not be in this doom loop? No one has answers. "Hang in there" counts, I guess. I've cut friends out, as well as family members. I couldn't figure out the unemployment website. I am a black hole for everyone around me. I live by the grace of others and random, brief successes. I mean, **I** have compassion fatigue for me, so I can only imagine what others feel - even you, if you've been reading any of the above.
And guess what? That's not all. There's a lot more I won't detail. It's unreal.
Plus, last week, my fiancee of three years up and left with no explanation. Zero contact for 3 days. And once that shock wore off, I'm here a week later sitting in our empty house alone in the dark.
It's not that I'm sad. I'm done. I apply for thousands (and I mean thousands) of jobs per month. Nothing. Unless you count the time I accepted an elaborate fake job scam where they stole my identity when I gave them my banking info for W-9 info. **I** don't believe this tale of woe, but it's a domino game from hell.
But I'm empty now. I've got nothing left. I don't have the wherewithal, monetarily or for real, to handle this world anymore. I don't look at Columbus the same way, either. It seems darker somehow. It's not meant for me. The outside world seems shadowed more than I remember it being, as if everything out there feels like a greyed-out option on a website. "Unavailable" or "Out of Stock."
I can't afford (or need) to live in this house, even though I've paid rent in full 11 out of 12 months. I now have 12 days to find a new place to live and I don't have options beyond men's shelters or friends' couches for a day or two. This is surreal. She moved some of her stuff out today. How did I get here? I thought I had a place to stay but it fell through a few hours ago. I really don't know how I can ever get back to where I was before the last three years beat me down. And I have tried -- really fucking tried -- to stay on this side of things, but I don't think this world wants me anymore. I've gotten its message. If it's for some sort of life lesson via the universe, this 46-year-old man has learned that once you fall into the system, you're never getting out. I am always, like, $1500 away from being okay for good.
All I wanted was a real job -- not some part-time, bait-and-switch gig that wasn't what I was promised, but forced to accept. All I want is to sleep. All I want is to think of a future that has me in it. All I want is my fiancee to not leave abruptly and permanently, without warning or days of explanation (still waiting for that), and break my kids' hearts. Her leaving isn't even the reason for feeling the way I do -- it only confirms that I am the common denominator and that I am the problem.
What is the point of any of this anymore?
In a few days, it'll be my birthday. I can't see what that looks like.
I know many of you have problems and issues and conditions much worse than my life. But it's not about comparison for me. I've only detailed in writing 20% of what's happened/happening in my life so I could see it in writing. And I'm convinced more than ever there's no way out, no way back.
submitted by Best-Struggle-2738 to Columbus [link] [comments]
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
After I filed for divorce, I decided to file Chapter 13. This immediately rendered it impossible for me to get a car loan after I sold my vehicle due to cash problems. Drained my mom of her money keeping me in my apartment. Went to a treatment center for 5 days after I relapsed after years of sobriety. Lost my job at Chase in 2021. Couldn't afford my meds anymore so I got a DUI (dismissed), but not for drinking -- it was for driving under the influence of mental-health Rx withdrawal (not kidding - it was a thing). P.S. The meds went from $30/mo. to $210/mo. and I have four of them.
I then started dating a wonderful woman/friend. We got engaged. Happiness. Shortly thereafter, I fell out of a truck helping a friend move commercial-grade windows at a construction site because I'm uncoordinated. A freak, cartoonish accident. Shattered my ankle and leg. Lived on a couch for 3 months in excruciating pain.
I get up and try to work nonstop. Anything to get extra money. I barely sleep. I keep trying to move forward but life persists in pulling me back down. Whenever I have good news about something, 4 other problems rise up. I ask everyone what can **I** do to be better, what can **I** do to not be in this doom loop? No one has answers. "Hang in there" counts, I guess. I've cut friends out, as well as family members. I couldn't figure out the unemployment website. I am a black hole for everyone around me. I live by the grace of others and random, brief successes. I mean, **I** have compassion fatigue for me, so I can only imagine what others feel - even you, if you've been reading any of the above.
And guess what? That's not all. There's a lot more I won't detail. It's unreal.
Plus, last week, my fiancee of three years up and left with no explanation. Zero contact for 3 days. And once that shock wore off, I'm here a week later sitting in our empty house alone in the dark.
It's not that I'm sad. I'm done. I apply for thousands (and I mean thousands) of jobs per month. Nothing. Unless you count the time I accepted an elaborate fake job scam where they stole my identity when I gave them my banking info for W-9 info. **I** don't believe this tale of woe, but it's a domino game from hell.
But I'm empty now. I've got nothing left. I don't have the wherewithal, monetarily or for real, to handle this world anymore. I don't look at Columbus the same way, either. It seems darker somehow. It's not meant for me. The outside world seems shadowed more than I remember it being, as if everything out there feels like a greyed-out option on a website. "Unavailable" or "Out of Stock."
I can't afford (or need) to live in this house, even though I've paid rent in full 11 out of 12 months. I now have 12 days to find a new place to live and I don't have options beyond men's shelters or friends' couches for a day or two. This is surreal. She moved some of her stuff out today. How did I get here? I thought I had a place to stay but it fell through a few hours ago. I really don't know how I can ever get back to where I was before the last three years beat me down. And I have tried -- really fucking tried -- to stay on this side of things, but I don't think this world wants me anymore. I've gotten its message. If it's for some sort of life lesson via the universe, this 46-year-old man has learned that once you fall into the system, you're never getting out. I am always, like, $1500 away from being okay for good.
All I wanted was a real job -- not some part-time, bait-and-switch gig that wasn't what I was promised, but forced to accept. All I want is to sleep. All I want is to think of a future that has me in it. All I want is my fiancee to not leave abruptly and permanently, without warning or days of explanation (still waiting for that), and break my kids' hearts. Her leaving isn't even the reason for feeling the way I do -- it only confirms that I am the common denominator and that I am the problem.
What is the point of any of this anymore?
In a few days, it'll be my birthday. I can't see what that looks like.
I know many of you have problems and issues and conditions much worse than my life. But it's not about comparison for me. I've only detailed in writing 20% of what's happened/happening in my life so I could see it in writing. And I'm convinced more than ever there's no way out, no way back.
2024.05.19 09:24 ruslover23 I can’t stand my in-laws and it’s ruining my marriage
I don’t even know where to start. From the first day that I met my in-laws a decade ago, they have been entitled, demanding and generally very difficult and frustrating to deal with. I love my husband very much, and we very rarely have problems or fights unless it’s concerning his parents and his sister.
Some back story, my husband and his mom are Eastern European, while my husband’s stepdad and I are Chinese, and we all live in China. His half-sister is mixed European and Chinese. I can barely believe that he’s related to these people: he’s independent, competent, helpful, generous and logical, whereas they are none of these things.
Even before we got married, my in-laws constantly asked me to do favors for them, and I think they treat me like a servant. They’ve even ruined two of my birthdays in a row with some demanding tantrums over stupid shit, and my MIL tried to commandeer my wedding, she even called it her wedding.
One of the problems is that both of them are terrible communicators: my MIL, despite having lived in China for three decades, does not speak Chinese, whereas I don’t speak her mother tongue. Her English is quite poor and she constantly misunderstands me when we try to communicate in English. Even something as simple as organizing a meet up is riddled with frustrations because she has absolutely no communication skills, and she doesn’t even know how to use GPS or other basic Chinese apps. She is the most helpless person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. She hasn’t had a job since she came to China and she is incompetency personified.
On top of that she is snobby, she looks down on most Chinese people and whenever we socialize she is always complaining about something or someone, and she thinks all Chinese people are out of scam her. She lives in a total expat bubble and does not understand most Chinese customs or way of life. My FIL, ironically being Chinese himself, is also a terrible communicator and has a bad case of untreated adult ADD. He’s always spewing bullshit conspiracies at me, or putting me down, or going on about some complete non-sequitur. They’re both demanding and entitled, and if you help them with one favor, they’ll ask for ten more immediately, they’re both total choosing beggars.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was that about 2 years ago, my sister-in-law was getting ready to apply for university in the US. Since I had gone to college in the US, they both asked my husband to make me help her with her college application and SATs. I didn’t want to do it, because I knew there would be communication problems and misunderstandings galore, but after much pleading from my husband, acquiesced in the end.
From the get-go, it was a total nightmare. They both knew absolutely nothing about the US university application process, but whenever I tried to explain it they both talked over me and didn’t listen at all. On top of that they were delusional about my sister-in-law’s grades. She is a mediocre student at best and has absolutely no hobbies or extracurricular interests other than video games, and she acts bratty and immature for her age. Despite this, they thought she could get into Colombia or NYU. Eventually I found them an agency to help them, but as usual my MIL thought the agency was out to scam her and started complaining about them to me and my FIL right away. He, being the entitled twat that he is, told me he was going to sue them for not delivering, even though he didn’t even bother to read the contract he signed with them, and told me to read it, and resolve the situation otherwise he will sue.
On top of this, my SIL, being lazy and spoiled, hated going to them and took it out on me personally by being excessively rude to me everyone I saw her. She would often roll her eyes at me, complain about the agency loudly, or otherwise pretend that I didn’t exist. She has also taken to texting me 40 messages in a row on WeChat in the middle of the night, demanding help with her college application. My MIL witnessed some of this behavior and said nothing. I got so fed up that I started to avoid them completely, and quit our group chats. After a few months they realized I was avoiding them, and started complaining about me and badmouthing me to my husband for “disrespecting” them.
Last September, my husband forced me to go to a dinner with them, after I had managed to avoid them for half a year. My MIL and SIL were both incredibly rude to me and cold-shouldered me all night. I was very upset and honestly didn’t want to ever see them again. Around Thanksgiving they decided it was time to “forgive” me, and I was forced into another dinner with them. The favor-asking started again after this, this time my MIL wanted help changing the wallpapers in her house, which I had done for them before. I was honestly beyond done with them at this point and never wanted to help them with anything again, but as usual my husband begged and pleaded. After I helped them, my husband told his mom to text me to thank me and tell me she was satisfied with the result. Instead she texts (the first time she has texted me in over a year) that she wants to change the wallpaper in every room of their house and wants me to find her new wallpaper books, and help them some more with this.
At this point I am furious. I honestly don’t ever want to see or talk to them again. They never apologized for any of their behavior, never even realized how awful they have been to me over the years, and have gotten comfortable enough to demand favors again. I want my husband to tell them that it’s not okay to treat me this way, and how their past behavior hurt my feelings, but my husband thinks his mom is too sensitive, will misunderstand, and doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. I also offered a face-to-face meeting with her to tell her myself how offensive I find her and my FIL and SIL’s behavior to be, but my husband thinks that her English isn’t strong enough for this and thinks I will offend her and she will misunderstand as usual.
I don’t know what to do at this point, all I know is I can’t stand any of them and can barely bring myself to be civil at this point. I feel allergic to them. I’ve talked about this endlessly to my husband, but he thinks I’m overreacting and that they aren’t that bad to me. He thinks I should just take it. He works for my FIL, and he’s used to them badgering him to help them with basic things. He thinks it’s okay that they treat me like an extension of him, but I’m not okay with it anymore.
I cut ties with my own mother a decade again for abuse, controlling behavior and treating me like a servant. I honestly can’t believe I’m experiencing this with my in-laws all over again, it triggers me like nothing else. I don’t want to leave my husband, and we have a very happy life together otherwise. He’s such a good person, but he’s also caught in the middle. I know my thoughts and complaints about his family hurts him a lot.
I’ve tried searching online for advice on how to deal with entitled and demanding in-laws, but I can’t find any specific to my case. They don’t interfere with my life otherwise, they only reach out when they want me to do something for them. I feel like they only value me for what I can do for them, and I’m hurt that my husband thinks his mom’s feelings are more important than mine. Every time we talk about them it leads to a massive fight between us. He simply cannot see it from my point of view, and constantly tells me to get over it, and that their behavior isn’t a big deal. What do I do?
submitted by ruslover23 to Marriage [link] [comments]
Some back story, my husband and his mom are Eastern European, while my husband’s stepdad and I are Chinese, and we all live in China. His half-sister is mixed European and Chinese. I can barely believe that he’s related to these people: he’s independent, competent, helpful, generous and logical, whereas they are none of these things.
Even before we got married, my in-laws constantly asked me to do favors for them, and I think they treat me like a servant. They’ve even ruined two of my birthdays in a row with some demanding tantrums over stupid shit, and my MIL tried to commandeer my wedding, she even called it her wedding.
One of the problems is that both of them are terrible communicators: my MIL, despite having lived in China for three decades, does not speak Chinese, whereas I don’t speak her mother tongue. Her English is quite poor and she constantly misunderstands me when we try to communicate in English. Even something as simple as organizing a meet up is riddled with frustrations because she has absolutely no communication skills, and she doesn’t even know how to use GPS or other basic Chinese apps. She is the most helpless person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. She hasn’t had a job since she came to China and she is incompetency personified.
On top of that she is snobby, she looks down on most Chinese people and whenever we socialize she is always complaining about something or someone, and she thinks all Chinese people are out of scam her. She lives in a total expat bubble and does not understand most Chinese customs or way of life. My FIL, ironically being Chinese himself, is also a terrible communicator and has a bad case of untreated adult ADD. He’s always spewing bullshit conspiracies at me, or putting me down, or going on about some complete non-sequitur. They’re both demanding and entitled, and if you help them with one favor, they’ll ask for ten more immediately, they’re both total choosing beggars.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was that about 2 years ago, my sister-in-law was getting ready to apply for university in the US. Since I had gone to college in the US, they both asked my husband to make me help her with her college application and SATs. I didn’t want to do it, because I knew there would be communication problems and misunderstandings galore, but after much pleading from my husband, acquiesced in the end.
From the get-go, it was a total nightmare. They both knew absolutely nothing about the US university application process, but whenever I tried to explain it they both talked over me and didn’t listen at all. On top of that they were delusional about my sister-in-law’s grades. She is a mediocre student at best and has absolutely no hobbies or extracurricular interests other than video games, and she acts bratty and immature for her age. Despite this, they thought she could get into Colombia or NYU. Eventually I found them an agency to help them, but as usual my MIL thought the agency was out to scam her and started complaining about them to me and my FIL right away. He, being the entitled twat that he is, told me he was going to sue them for not delivering, even though he didn’t even bother to read the contract he signed with them, and told me to read it, and resolve the situation otherwise he will sue.
On top of this, my SIL, being lazy and spoiled, hated going to them and took it out on me personally by being excessively rude to me everyone I saw her. She would often roll her eyes at me, complain about the agency loudly, or otherwise pretend that I didn’t exist. She has also taken to texting me 40 messages in a row on WeChat in the middle of the night, demanding help with her college application. My MIL witnessed some of this behavior and said nothing. I got so fed up that I started to avoid them completely, and quit our group chats. After a few months they realized I was avoiding them, and started complaining about me and badmouthing me to my husband for “disrespecting” them.
Last September, my husband forced me to go to a dinner with them, after I had managed to avoid them for half a year. My MIL and SIL were both incredibly rude to me and cold-shouldered me all night. I was very upset and honestly didn’t want to ever see them again. Around Thanksgiving they decided it was time to “forgive” me, and I was forced into another dinner with them. The favor-asking started again after this, this time my MIL wanted help changing the wallpapers in her house, which I had done for them before. I was honestly beyond done with them at this point and never wanted to help them with anything again, but as usual my husband begged and pleaded. After I helped them, my husband told his mom to text me to thank me and tell me she was satisfied with the result. Instead she texts (the first time she has texted me in over a year) that she wants to change the wallpaper in every room of their house and wants me to find her new wallpaper books, and help them some more with this.
At this point I am furious. I honestly don’t ever want to see or talk to them again. They never apologized for any of their behavior, never even realized how awful they have been to me over the years, and have gotten comfortable enough to demand favors again. I want my husband to tell them that it’s not okay to treat me this way, and how their past behavior hurt my feelings, but my husband thinks his mom is too sensitive, will misunderstand, and doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. I also offered a face-to-face meeting with her to tell her myself how offensive I find her and my FIL and SIL’s behavior to be, but my husband thinks that her English isn’t strong enough for this and thinks I will offend her and she will misunderstand as usual.
I don’t know what to do at this point, all I know is I can’t stand any of them and can barely bring myself to be civil at this point. I feel allergic to them. I’ve talked about this endlessly to my husband, but he thinks I’m overreacting and that they aren’t that bad to me. He thinks I should just take it. He works for my FIL, and he’s used to them badgering him to help them with basic things. He thinks it’s okay that they treat me like an extension of him, but I’m not okay with it anymore.
I cut ties with my own mother a decade again for abuse, controlling behavior and treating me like a servant. I honestly can’t believe I’m experiencing this with my in-laws all over again, it triggers me like nothing else. I don’t want to leave my husband, and we have a very happy life together otherwise. He’s such a good person, but he’s also caught in the middle. I know my thoughts and complaints about his family hurts him a lot.
I’ve tried searching online for advice on how to deal with entitled and demanding in-laws, but I can’t find any specific to my case. They don’t interfere with my life otherwise, they only reach out when they want me to do something for them. I feel like they only value me for what I can do for them, and I’m hurt that my husband thinks his mom’s feelings are more important than mine. Every time we talk about them it leads to a massive fight between us. He simply cannot see it from my point of view, and constantly tells me to get over it, and that their behavior isn’t a big deal. What do I do?
2024.05.19 09:20 ChanceEncounter21 Relevance of Vedana to bhāvanā-maya paññā
The Pāli term bhavana-maya panna means experiential wisdom. Bhavanabhavana is meditation through which wisdom (panna) is cultivated. In order to understand the essence of the term bhavana-maya panna and its relevance to vedana (sensation), we first need to understand the meaning of the term panna.
Panna is derived from the root 'na' which means 'to know', prefixed by 'pa' meaning 'correctly'. Thus, the literal English translation of the word panna is 'to know correctly'. Commonly used equivalents are such words as 'insight', 'knowledge' or 'wisdom'. All these convey aspects of panna, but, as with all Pāli terms, no translation corresponds exactly.
In the ancient texts, panna is defined more precisely as yatha-bhutam-nana-dassanamyatha-bhuta-nana-dassanam, seeing things as they are, not as they appear to be. That is, understanding the true nature of anicca (impermanence), dukkha (suffering) and anatta (essencelessness) in all things. This realization leads to the ultimate truth of nibbana.
It may also be described as pakarena janati'ti pannapakarena janati ti panna - because it is understood through different angles it is panna. The Visuddhimagga elaborates on this explaining that the characteristic of panna is to penetrate the true nature of things. Its function is to dispel the darkness of ignorance, and prevent one from becoming bewildered by its manifestation. Its immediate cause is concentration (samadhi). Hence the words 'He whose mind is concentrated knows and sees things according to reality'.
The texts mention three types of panna: - suta-maya pannasuta-maya panna - cinta-maya pannacinta-maya panna and - bhavana-maya panna
Suta-maya panna is wisdom obtained from listening to others, from being instructed by others about impermanence, suffering and essencelessness. It may also develop from reading sacred texts. This type of panna is clearly dependent on an external source. Thus, suta-maya panna consists of learning which has been gained by listening to others (parato sutva patilabhati). Such wisdom is parokkha (inferred knowledge). This may inspire one to tread on the path of Dhamma, but in itself cannot lead to the attainment of liberation.
Cinta-maya panna is the wisdom obtained from one's own thinking, not just from hearing others (parato asutva patilabhati). It is the understanding of impermanence, suffering and essencelessness, from what one has grasped by the means of one's own intellect. It is the process of intellectually analyzing something to see whether it is logical and rational.
Having gone through such a process, one can then accept a teaching intellectually. One may thereby become knowledgeable about the theory of Dhamma, and may be able to explain it to others. One may even be able to help others realize the fact of anicca, dukkha and anatta, but still one cannot obtain liberation for oneself. On the contrary, there is a danger that one may accumulate more mental defilements by developing ego since one lacks the direct experience of wisdom.
Sometimes we find in the texts a change in the order of suta-maya panna and cinta-maya panna. At times cinta-maya panna is mentioned first, followed by suta-maya panna and bhavana-maya panna. At times, suta-maya panna is followed by cinta-maya panna and bhavana-maya panna. But in both cases, bhavana-maya panna comes at the end and is of prime importance for the realisation of truth.
It does not make any difference in which order we find the first two. Initially a person may listen to the Dhamma from an outside source - suta-maya panna, and then develop cinta-maya panna by rationally thinking about it, trying to understand anicca, dukkha and anatta intellectually, and thereby develop yoniso manasikara (right thinking).
Or one may start with cinta-maya panna, one's own intellectual understanding, by reflecting rationally on anicca, dukkha and anatta, and then, by listening to others (suta-maya panna), one may confirm one's intellectual understanding. We should remember that whichever of the two may come first, neither of them can give liberation. Liberation results only from bhavana-maya panna.
Bhavana-maya panna is the wisdom obtained by meditation - the wisdom that comes from the direct experience of the truth. This development of insight is also called vipassana-bhavana (Vipassana meditation). The meditator makes right effort and so realizes for himself that everything in the world is transitory, a source of suffering, and essenceless. This insight is not the mere acceptance of what someone else has said, nor the product of deductive reasoning. It is, rather, the direct comprehension of the reality of anicca, dukkha and anatta.
To develop bhavana-maya panna, we must experience all phenomena and understand their true nature. And this is done through experiencing vedana, (bodily sensations), because it is through these sensations that the totality of our nature manifests itself as pancakkhandha (the five aggregates).
The Visuddhimagga states - Ya vedayati ti vedana, sa vedayita lakkhana, anubhavanarasa...
-That which feels the objects is vedana; its characteristic is to experience, its function is to realize the object...
It is through vedana that we experience all phenomena - that we can directly experience our true nature of arising and passing away, that we experience anicca. Further, with every phenomenon, vedana is present.
As the Buddha said - Vedana-samosarana sabbe dhamma (AN 10.58)
-Everything that arises in the mind is accompanied by sensation.
Therefore, the specific tool that a Vipassana meditator uses to develop experiential wisdom is bodily sensation. By observing sensations objectively throughout the body, it is realized that they all have the same nature of arising and passing away (uppada-vaya dhammino); the nature of impermanence.
Having experienced this fact, one realizes that not only unpleasant sensations, but pleasant as well as neutral sensations are also a source of suffering. Further, by observing the ephemeral nature of all sensations, the meditator realizes how they are so insubstantial. They are changing every moment. That which is changing cannot be a source of happiness because an arisen pleasant sensation will eventually pass away, resulting in suffering due to our attachment to it. Moreover, these sensations are beyond our control and arise regardless of what we wish (anatta).
Through vedana, one can realize that all the other aggregates have the same nature of anicca, dukkha and anatta. By observing sensations throughout the body, the awareness becomes sharper and subtler and the entire process of mind can be observed. The observation of vedana is the most direct and tangible way to experience the reality of the entire mind-matter phenomenon.
The comprehensive insight gained through vedana, that is, by direct experience of vedana (paccanubhotipaccanubhoti), is bhavana-maya panna. Through this insight, one sees things as they really are (yatha-bhuta pajanati) and with repeated practice, one is gradually freed from the past conditioning of lobha (greed), dosa (hatred) and moha (ignorance). This leads to liberation.
The teachings of a Buddha are not for mere intellectual entertainment but to be directly experienced, because this alone can free one from the ingrained habit pattern of reacting with craving and aversion. Freedom from this past habit pattern is possible when one works with the body sensations. When one experiences pleasant sensations, at that moment, the past mental habit of craving arises. If one observes this objectively with anicca-bodha (realization of impermanence), the force of craving will gradually diminish and be eradicated.
In the same way, when one experiences an unpleasant sensation, at that moment the past mental habit pattern of aversion will arise. If one observes this objectively with anicca-bodha, then the force of aversion will gradually diminish and get eradicated.
Similarly, when one experiences neutral sensations, at that moment, the past mental habit pattern of ignorance arises. If one observes this experience objectively with anicca-bodha, the force of ignorance will gradually diminish and be eradicated.
Therefore, a Vipassana meditator specifically uses vedana as a tool to change the habit pattern of the mind and to eradicate the anusaya (deep-rooted latent tendencies to react). In this way, bhavana-maya panna changes the habit pattern of the mind through the development of insight into one's nature with the help of vedana. The Vipassana meditator attains this insight through observing bodily sensations. The deeper and more constant his insight, the closer he approaches the Ultimate Truth and the closer he comes to freedom from suffering.
This is the relevance of vedana in the development of bhavana-maya panna, the one and only way for liberation - ekayano maggo.
By Vipassana Research Institute
2024.05.19 09:18 icemarsfish AITA if I don’t attend my brother’s wedding after he chose to propose to his GF instead of attending of our grandpa’s funeral?
My Abuelo passed away during December 2023 from cancer. It was the 1st death in our family & it was a huge impact because Abuelo always felt like the glue to our family. Him & abuela raised me & my brother because our mom was single & worked full time. My brother (22M) came to thanksgiving with his GF (24F) to see Abuelo 1 last time before he passed but then when it came time for the funeral he acted like it was too much of an inconvenience to go even though he knew abuelo was in hospice & had plenty of time to plan for this. My abuelo passed while my brother was visiting in NY around Xmas with his GF’s family. He said he couldn’t afford to come to the funeral so I found a flight that I told him I would pay for, it would get him to the funeral & back to NY still leaving a couple days for him to spend with his GF’s family & he would still get to spend Xmas with them. But he said his GF & him planned all year for this trip & he wouldn’t be able to meet all her family like he planned. He said he already knew abuelo was going to die so he didn’t need to attend the funeral because he already had his closure. Our abuelo did so much for us growing up & I tried telling him this is the one sacrifice he ever has to make to honor our abuelos life. I told him if he was worried about disappointing his girlfriend she would understand but he got super defensive & he said very insensitive statements like how our abuelo would want him to be spending time with HIS family right now & that’s exactly what he’s doing with his GF’s family. Then he even went as far as to say he wants to be here spending time with the people that are still ALIVE. I found out recently that he had proposed to his GF around the day of the funeral & that’s why he stayed in NY so he could share that moment with all of her family during the holidays. I wouldn’t care at all if it happened during any other time but the fact he just felt like it was appropriate to not only not attend the funeral but to also put himself in the position where he chose to propose to his GF in front of her family instead of attending our abuelos funeral with his grieving family just makes me hate him. Especially on top of his cold attitude & the fact that he showed zero desire to even make an effort to attend the funeral in the first place. On top of that our stepdad’s father also went to hospice & before he died, my brother said he wanted to attend his funeral because he “felt bad for not being able to attend the last family funeral” As if just attending someone else’s funeral who he only met once in his life just makes up for choosing to miss the funeral of the only father figure we had growing up. My grandparents escaped Cuba & hustled so much to be in this country, to provide & care for us. We could never repay them for what they did and attending their funeral is the absolute least we all could do to pay our respects & the fact he not only didn’t attend but proposed to his GF instead makes me not want to attend his wedding.
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2024.05.19 09:15 ConsequenceSure3063 Best Cardboard Picture Frames
 | submitted by ConsequenceSure3063 to u/ConsequenceSure3063 [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/m8o1nk8s2c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a94ad95f9b1efef03101f1865a793b3e866b0d06 Looking for a unique and eco-friendly way to display your cherished memories? Our collection of cardboard picture frames not only adds a playful touch but also offers a sustainable alternative to traditional frames. In this roundup, we'll explore various styles, materials, and designs that will make your photos stand out, all while keeping your environmental impact in check. The Top 19 Best Cardboard Picture Frames
Reviews🔗DIY Cardboard Picture Frames (5 x 7 in, 30 Pack)https://preview.redd.it/ykdiw5ts2c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc90558603f175fc6641f2f7434acea9b5128073 I recently got my hands on Juvale's 5x7 inch Cardboard Picture Frames, and I must say, they've been a game-changer in my world of DIY home decor. With their bright colors and simple yet sturdy design, these frames are perfect for personalizing with jewels, glitter, and more. One standout feature for me was their ability to fit 5x7-inch photos perfectly. It's been great for displaying cherished moments around the house, just like snapping photos of our recent birthday party. The attached stand is convenient, making it easy to set up and show off your creations without needing an extra easel! However, there's a minor downside to these frames: their thickness. While they look sturdy enough, they might not hold heavier items such as thick cards or large paper cut-outs. Despite this, their durability has been impressive so far, even after a few creative paint jobs! Overall, I can't recommend Juvale's Cardboard Picture Frames enough. Their vibrant colors and simple design make them a perfect addition to any DIY home decor project or special occasion. So go ahead, unleash your creativity and make something amazing! 🔗DIY Picture Frame Kit with 50 Frameshttps://preview.redd.it/zd4zho4t2c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=91332a093d6f1fc2b97dbd2afa2a48547b4751eb As a creative individual who loves DIY projects, I recently got my hands on the Juvale Cardboard Paper Picture Frame DIY Hanging Kit (50 Pack) 4x6 inch, Black, White. From the moment I unboxed it, I could tell it was going to be a game-changer for my decorating needs. Each of the 50 paper cardboard photo frames comes with a mini clothespin and a piece of hanging twine, making it easy to display various memories and artwork around my home or office. One of the features that truly stood out during my use of this DIY kit was its versatility. Not only can you create unique framed pieces for any space, but you can also get creative and embellish these frames with different materials, like paints, jewels, rhinestones, glitter, labels, stickers, and more. I especially appreciated the fact that the frames can be displayed both vertically and horizontally, allowing me to experiment with different layouts and compositions. Another aspect of this DIY kit that I genuinely appreciated was its affordability. Given that I received 50 frames along with clothespins and twine, it gave me ample opportunities to decorate multiple areas in my house without breaking the bank. Additionally, the black and white color options make it easy to blend these frames into any decor style. However, it's essential to note a few cons that I encountered while using this product. Some of the cardboard frames were slightly thinner and more delicate than others, so extra care must be taken during handling. Additionally, the hanging twine provided could have been slightly longer for easier installation in various locations. Overall, I would highly recommend the Juvale Cardboard Paper Picture Frame DIY Hanging Kit (50 Pack) 4x6 inch, Black, White for anyone who enjoys DIY projects and wants to create personalized photo displays in their homes or workspaces. Its versatility, color options, and affordability make it a worthwhile investment in your decorating endeavors. 🔗Colorful Vibrant Paper Frames for Art Displays and Photo Props (24 Pieces)https://preview.redd.it/wb9rh4nt2c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2469a1f793f451a4cb42af6fb037248d9973273d I recently purchased these paper frames for my classroom decorations, and I must say, they have been a game-changer! The vibrant colors and fun designs instantly caught my eye. I particularly appreciated the two versatile sizes that could easily accommodate various photo sizes. The small frames were incredibly easy to use as they were designed with a photo space that perfectly fit a letter-sized paper, making it a breeze to display student artwork or use them as props for our fun photo booth activities. However, I did find that the larger frames needed some trimming and resizing to fit smaller images, but overall, they were still worth the effort. One minor drawback was the lack of a smaller size option, as I believe it would be even more versatile and useful in various applications. Nonetheless, these paper frames have significantly enhanced the appearance of my classroom decorations, and I look forward to using them in other creative ways. To summarize, the paper frames are an excellent investment for anyone looking to add a pop of color and creativity to their space. They are easy to use, have a sturdy cardstock thickness, and are available in a variety of fun designs. Although they may require some trimming for certain applications, the end result is definitely worth the effort. 🔗25-Pack Black Cardboard Picture Frames with Gold Foil Borderhttps://preview.redd.it/n8ytioau2c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=425a9d7bff8384bcf4180d9d0919c941db9b8136 As a cardboard enthusiast, I recently had the pleasure of using these elegant 8.5x11 black picture frames with gold foil borders in my DIY home decor project. The moment I took them out of their 25-piece packaging, I was instantly drawn to their timeless quality and that exquisite golden finish. One thing that truly stood out for me was how easy these frames were to set up. Their side-load design made it incredibly simple to display and switch between my favorite photos, without any hassle. Plus, the linen weave finish added a touch of sophistication to my space. Moreover, the frames come with a pop-up easel, which allows them to be displayed horizontally or vertically. This versatility made it easy to showcase both horizontal and vertical certificates or prints, in a professional manner. However, one minor con I experienced was that the window opening wasn't quite precise, and required a little adjustment to fit my 8x10 prints perfectly. Nonetheless, considering their excellent construction and affordability, these cardboard frames are definitely worth the investment. So, if you're in search of a cost-effective yet elegant solution to frame your memories or certificates, look no further! These cardboard picture frames deliver on both style and functionality, making them an ideal choice for anyone in need of a little DIY touch. 🔗DIY 5x7in Wall Paper Photo Frames with Flax String and Clipshttps://preview.redd.it/zduntwvu2c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3f355ea6dd5245f1924f8344fd4c043f985d0255 I've been using the Jahosin wall paper picture frames for a month now and I must say, they've significantly upgraded my home décor. The first thing that drew me to them is their unique DIY design with linkage mounted cardboard frames and flax string clips. The 30-frame set is versatile and stylish, perfect for displaying photos, Christmas cards, and artworks at events like weddings or birthdays. They're incredibly easy to assemble, each frame comes with its own clips and a piece of flax string, making it a fun project that the entire family can participate in. They fit standard 5x7 inch pictures, coming in three attractive colors - black, brown, and white. Their pure handcraft and non-toxic material make them a safe addition to any home, and the brilliant artwork on the fronts is a bonus. The only downside I've noticed is that the cardboard isn't the sturdiest, so they might need extra care when being hung or moved around. But overall, these picture frames have been a great addition to my home, adding a touch of art and creativity to my living space. So if you're in the market for unique, affordable photo frames, I highly recommend giving the Jahosin 5x7 inch wall paper picture frames a try. 🔗DIY 5x7 Photo Frames for Home Decorhttps://preview.redd.it/ftrv137v2c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=967e9bc07bde7b52dd9dcc15924751cc16ded1cc I recently discovered the Jahosin 5x7in Wall Paper Picture Frames and let me tell you, they've been a game-changer for my home decor. As soon as they arrived, I dove right in to create a unique and artistic display on my living room wall. The set of 30 frames comes in three colors and includes flax string and clips for easy mounting. The first thing that stood out to me was the pure hand craft element of these frames. Made with non-toxic, harmless kraft paper material, they're not only stylish but also safe for the whole family. The quality is evident in the craftsmanship and the vibrant printing patterns that bring life to my space. One thing I noticed is that these frames are designed specifically to hold 5x7in pictures, which made it difficult to fit some of my larger prints. However, this constraint did force me to be more creative with my photo selections, ultimately resulting in a more cohesive and eclectic display. Overall, I'm thrilled with my purchase of these DIY Photo Frames from Jahosin. They've added a unique and personal touch to my home decor while also encouraging me to curate a thoughtful collection of cherished memories. If you're looking to transform your living space, I highly recommend giving these picture frames a try! 🔗DIY 50-Pack Picture Frames for Wall Decor with Clips and Stringshttps://preview.redd.it/9bxajpjv2c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9094b6a76da4b746505626459b1d589da2f6dda7 I was recently looking for a way to display my favorite memories, and I stumbled upon the Juvale 50 Pack Paper Picture Frames. These paper frames added a personal touch to my home decor and were a hit at our family gatherings. First off, the variety and versatility of these paper frames blew me away. They come in 50 different colors, which made it easy for me to match them to my existing dcor. The mini clothespins and hanging twine included made it a breeze to create a stunning photo hanging display on my wall. Plus, they're perfect for DIY craft projects. I had a blast embellishing my frames with glitter, stickers, and paint. However, I found that the actual size of the frames was slightly smaller than I thought. But it wasn't a deal-breaker, as they still worked perfectly for showcasing my favorite photos. All in all, I'd highly recommend the Juvale 50 Pack Paper Picture Frames for anyone looking for a fun and affordable way to display their cherished memories. 🔗Customizable DIY Paper Picture Frameshttps://preview.redd.it/0dgwjo1w2c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1e26ee80ba0eb94e5a619d0c1079c3559c8f0e20 When I first tried out the Jahosin 5x7in Paper Picture Frames, I was pleasantly surprised by how stylish and creative they were. The handcrafted, non-toxic kraft paper material felt like a breath of fresh air compared to the usual plastic frames. The set came with 10 frames, 10 mini clips, and a string, making it easy to display photos, Christmas cards, and art works in a casual and artistic way. One of the key highlights for me was how easy it was to customize these frames. The DIY linkage design allowed me to arrange the frames in various ways, making them perfect for displaying memories during special occasions like weddings, anniversaries, birthdays, and graduations. Plus, they also added a touch of love, happiness, and wild living spirit to my space. However, I did notice that the frames are quite delicate, so they may not be ideal for families with young children who might accidentally damage them. Additionally, the kraft paper material can absorb moisture, making the frames more susceptible to warping or damage in humid environments. Overall, I found the Jahosin 5x7in Paper Picture Frames to be a comfortable and creative addition to my home decor, adding a touch of warmth to any space they were placed in. I would recommend these frames to anyone looking to display their special memories in a unique and stylish way. 🔗Customizable Kraft Paper Photo Frames (50 Pack)https://preview.redd.it/xh2lgs9w2c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1bd1f7831056776ccd5bc6afc7611a6982a2ee03 I recently used the Juvale Kraft Paper Picture Frames to decorate my living room and create personalized gifts for friends. The 50-pack is perfect for batch-making, especially when working on DIY projects. Crafted from cardboard, these frames are lightweight and easy to customize with paints, stickers, and other embellishments. One feature that truly stood out was the compatibility with 4x6 inch photos, which means I could feature a variety of images from different occasions. Additionally, the kraft paper texture provides a warm, rustic touch to any space. However, I must admit that the cardboard material isn't as sturdy as traditional frames, so they might not hold up well in humid or high-traffic areas. In conclusion, the Juvale Kraft Paper Picture Frames are perfect for DIY crafts, personalized gifts, and decorations. Their brown color and versatile size make them an ideal choice for various occasions and interior design styles. Despite the flimsy nature of the material, the ease of customization and affordability make these frames a worthwhile addition to your DIY toolkit. 🔗50-Pack White Cardboard Photo Picture Frames, 4x6 Incheshttps://preview.redd.it/4c3fylow2c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=40ca70b8c0efd0320f6d3d0f13206626e1d64806 As a frequent user of these 50-pack cardboard photo picture frames, I can attest to their ease of use. They are perfect for displaying your favorite 4x6-inch family photos, artwork, and memories. The attached stands allow for easy setup on surfaces like desks and tables, and you can unleash your creativity by personalizing these frames with markers, crayons, rubber stamps, colored pencils, and various paints. However, the one thing that left me unimpressed was the size of the easel. Though it held the 4x6-inch photos nicely, I wish it had a thicker and more professional appearance. The attached stand could be more sturdy, especially if you plan on using it for more presentable purposes like selling art cards. In contrast, I found that the frames were easy to customize, enabling me to express my artistic side while displaying my favorite memories. If you're looking for a quick and easy way to showcase your photos, these cardboard frames are a great choice. Just remember to handle them with care to prevent tearing if you decide to use them for more professional purposes. Overall, I've had a relatively smooth experience using these frames, but there's definitely room for improvement when it comes to their sturdiness and presentation. 🔗Personalized Eco-Friendly Paper Photo Frames (30pcs 4x6) for Wall Decorhttps://preview.redd.it/j4w29h4x2c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=52efbb82e79643186434cd45a45904d81dd703cc As an avid fan of unique wall decor, I recently stumbled upon the Cardboard Picture Frames 30 Pack. These retro-chic frames have quickly become a staple in my home, adding a touch of whimsy to my otherwise monotonous walls. Made from high-quality, recyclable paper, these frames are not only eco-friendly but also surprisingly durable. The matching wooden clips and string add a lovely contrast, giving my photos a charming, vintage appearance. The DIY nature of these frames is another highlight - they're incredibly easy to install and hang, making them accessible for everyone, regardless of their experience with DIY projects. These frames aren't just for personal use, they're perfect for gifting too. They're versatile enough to be used as wedding, engagement, anniversary, or birthday gifts. Their ability to add a touch of elegance and charm to any setting is truly remarkable. However, one minor drawback is that they're 4x6 inches, which may not accommodate larger photos. But overall, these Cardboard Picture Frames have been a fantastic addition to my home, adding a touch of personalized charm and retro vibe that I absolutely adore. 🔗30 Pcs Kraft Cardboard Photo Frames with Wood Clips and Jute Twinehttps://preview.redd.it/iuyowrgx2c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1f2a981cd5b427918fee4bc478ea26a13037cc72 I recently purchased the Novelty Bank Paper Photo Frame set and it has been a game-changer for displaying my favorite memories. The simple yet elegant design of these 30 kraft paper frames sets off my photos perfectly. The art paper used is thick and flat, and the full back protects my pictures from dust and oxidation. Measuring 6 1/8 INCH tall by 4 1/2 INCH wide, with a window sized 4 INCH by 3 INCH, these frames are the perfect accessory for adding a touch of charm to my rooms and walls. One feature I particularly love is the adjustable design, which allows me to customize the size of the window to fit different sized photos. The included wooden clips and jute string make it easy to hang these frames wherever I want, creating a visually appealing display that is sure to impress. However, I did experience a minor issue with the quality of the jute string. It was slightly frayed and snapped after a few uses. Despite this, the overall quality of the product more than compensates for this small flaw, and I highly recommend these DIY Cardboard Photo Frames for anyone looking to enhance their space with personalized memories. 🔗DIY Cardboard Easel Photo Frames (50 Pack) 4x6 Inches 10 Colorshttps://preview.redd.it/oaeqs2sx2c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4b8a13dccd18269a0890d944c225c5c21be7d388 I recently started using the Juvale Cardboard Photo Picture Frames to display some of my favorite memories and I absolutely fell in love with them. These little frames are not only versatile in terms of placement- standing vertically or horizontally- but also offer a variety of bright colors like yellow, light pink, and green, that make your photos pop. One feature that stood out for me was how easy they are to customize. You can embellish them with paints, rhinestones, glitter, stickers and other decorative elements, making each frame as unique as the person who owns it. However, there's a minor downside too. When using bigger hands, inserting the photos into the frame can be a bit challenging. But other than that, these photo frames are perfect for displaying your special memories! I've used these photo frames for displaying my daughter's adorable drawings, my favorite wedding photos, and even used them as party decorations. They really brighten up any space! If you're looking to add a touch of personalization and color to your photos, the Juvale Cardboard Photo Picture Frames won't disappoint you! Buyer's GuideWhether you're looking to add a unique touch to your home decor or wanting to gift someone special, cardboard picture frames are an affordable and eco-friendly option. This buyer's guide will take you through the important features, considerations, and general advice about choosing the perfect cardboard picture frame for your needs.Features to Considerhttps://preview.redd.it/33ldsr213c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f159cb1b1d52506969e96b7d953f0c105979896d
ConsiderationsWhen selecting cardboard picture frames, it's essential to think about how they will be displayed. If you plan to hang them on a wall, ensure they have an integrated hanging mechanism or that you can easily attach one. Additionally, consider the durability of the cardboard material, especially if the frame will be exposed to varying temperatures or humidity levels.General Advice
https://preview.redd.it/8pt3crh13c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=79436cee148e7778d97f678aeed5f805c9c536b1 FAQ1. What are cardboard picture frames?Cardboard picture frames are affordable, lightweight, and eco-friendly alternatives to traditional frames made from wood, metal, or plastic. They are often customizable and can display photos or artwork in various sizes.2. How do cardboard picture frames compare to other types of frames?https://preview.redd.it/naxaprv13c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=89ec506e34f468bacdd367f2e82950d8ef2a475c Cardboard frames are generally more affordable and lightweight than other types of frames. However, they may not offer the same level of durability or sturdiness as wood or metal frames. Cardboard frames are also eco-friendly, as they use recycled materials in their construction. 3. Are cardboard picture frames customizable?Yes, many cardboard picture frames come with the option for customization. This may include choosing between different colors, patterns, or sizes. Some cardboard frames also allow for personalized messages or designs on the frame itself.4. Can cardboard picture frames display photos and artwork?Yes, cardboard picture frames can display both photos and artwork, depending on the design of the frame. Some frames come with adjustable stands or hooks, allowing them to be displayed on tables, shelves, or walls. https://preview.redd.it/1enr5q923c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=03e6f94c4fee79b3311c7e5157c06c21388d3e96 5. How do I care for my cardboard picture frame?To care for your cardboard picture frame, handle it gently and avoid exposing it to excessive moisture or heat. Dust the frame regularly with a soft brush or cloth and store it in a cool, dry place when not in use.6. How much do cardboard picture frames cost?The cost of cardboard picture frames varies depending on the design, size, and customization options. Generally, they are more affordable than traditional frames made from wood, metal, or plastic.7. Where can I purchase cardboard picture frames?Cardboard picture frames can be purchased at various stores, both online and offline, that specialize in home decor, stationery, and art supplies. Major retailers and marketplaces like Amazon and Etsy also offer a wide selection of cardboard picture frames.8. Are cardboard picture frames suitable for outdoor use?While some cardboard frames may be suitable for indoor use, it is not recommended to use them outdoors, as they are more susceptible to moisture damage and less able to withstand harsh weather conditions compared to traditional frames.9. Can I recycle a cardboard picture frame?Yes, cardboard picture frames are generally made from recycled materials and can be recycled again at the end of their useful life. Ensure that you recycle the frame with other paper products, following your local recycling guidelines.10. How do I assemble a cardboard picture frame?Assembling a cardboard picture frame usually involves a few simple steps, such as sliding the photo or artwork into the frame, attaching the back panel, and securing any hooks or stands for display.
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2024.05.19 09:11 ruslover23 I can’t stand my in-laws and it’s ruining my marriage
I don’t even know where to start. From the first day that I met my in-laws a decade ago, they have been entitled, demanding and generally very difficult and frustrating to deal with. I love my husband very much, and we very rarely have problems or fights unless it’s concerning his parents and his sister.
Some back story, my husband and his mom are Eastern European, while my husband’s stepdad and I are Chinese, and we all live in China. His half-sister is mixed European and Chinese. I can barely believe that he’s related to these people: he’s independent, competent, helpful, generous and logical, whereas they are none of these things.
Even before we got married, my in-laws constantly asked me to do favors for them, and I think they treat me like a servant. They’ve even ruined two of my birthdays in a row with some demanding tantrums over stupid shit, and my MIL tried to commandeer my wedding, she even called it her wedding.
One of the problems is that both of them are terrible communicators: my MIL, despite having lived in China for three decades, does not speak Chinese, whereas I don’t speak her mother tongue. Her English is quite poor and she constantly misunderstands me when we try to communicate in English. Even something as simple as organizing a meet up is riddled with frustrations because she has absolutely no communication skills, and she doesn’t even know how to use GPS or other basic Chinese apps. She is the most helpless person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. She hasn’t had a job since she came to China and she is incompetency personified.
On top of that she is snobby, she looks down on most Chinese people and whenever we socialize she is always complaining about something or someone, and she thinks all Chinese people are out of scam her. She lives in a total expat bubble and does not understand most Chinese customs or way of life. My FIL, ironically being Chinese himself, is also a terrible communicator and has a bad case of untreated adult ADD. He’s always spewing bullshit conspiracies at me, or putting me down, or going on about some complete non-sequitur. They’re both demanding and entitled, and if you help them with one favor, they’ll ask for ten more immediately, they’re both total choosing beggars.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was that about 2 years ago, my sister-in-law was getting ready to apply for university in the US. Since I had gone to college in the US, they both asked my husband to make me help her with her college application and SATs. I didn’t want to do it, because I knew there would be communication problems and misunderstandings galore, but after much pleading from my husband, acquiesced in the end.
From the get-go, it was a total nightmare. They both knew absolutely nothing about the US university application process, but whenever I tried to explain it they both talked over me and didn’t listen at all. On top of that they were delusional about my sister-in-law’s grades. She is a mediocre student at best and has absolutely no hobbies or extracurricular interests other than video games, and she acts bratty and immature for her age. Despite this, they thought she could get into Colombia or NYU. Eventually I found them an agency to help them, but as usual my MIL thought the agency was out to scam her and started complaining about them to me and my FIL right away. He, being the entitled twat that he is, told me he was going to sue them for not delivering, even though he didn’t even bother to read the contract he signed with them, and told me to read it, and resolve the situation otherwise he will sue.
On top of this, my SIL, being lazy and spoiled, hated going to them and took it out on me personally by being excessively rude to me everyone I saw her. She would often roll her eyes at me, complain about the agency loudly, or otherwise pretend that I didn’t exist. She has also taken to texting me 40 messages in a row on WeChat in the middle of the night, demanding help with her college application. My MIL witnessed some of this behavior and said nothing. I got so fed up that I started to avoid them completely, and quit our group chats. After a few months they realized I was avoiding them, and started complaining about me and badmouthing me to my husband for “disrespecting” them.
Last September, my husband forced me to go to a dinner with them, after I had managed to avoid them for half a year. My MIL and SIL were both incredibly rude to me and cold-shouldered me all night. I was very upset and honestly didn’t want to ever see them again. Around Thanksgiving they decided it was time to “forgive” me, and I was forced into another dinner with them. The favor-asking started again after this, this time my MIL wanted help changing the wallpapers in her house, which I had done for them before. I was honestly beyond done with them at this point and never wanted to help them with anything again, but as usual my husband begged and pleaded. After I helped them, my husband told his mom to text me to thank me and tell me she was satisfied with the result. Instead she texts (the first time she has texted me in over a year) that she wants to change the wallpaper in every room of their house and wants me to find her new wallpaper books, and help them some more with this.
At this point I am furious. I honestly don’t ever want to see or talk to them again. They never apologized for any of their behavior, never even realized how awful they have been to me over the years, and have gotten comfortable enough to demand favors again. I want my husband to tell them that it’s not okay to treat me this way, and how their past behavior hurt my feelings, but my husband thinks his mom is too sensitive, will misunderstand, and doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. I also offered a face-to-face meeting with her to tell her myself how offensive I find her and my FIL and SIL’s behavior to be, but my husband thinks that her English isn’t strong enough for this and thinks I will offend her and she will misunderstand as usual.
I don’t know what to do at this point, all I know is I can’t stand any of them and can barely bring myself to be civil at this point. I feel allergic to them. I’ve talked about this endlessly to my husband, but he thinks I’m overreacting and that they aren’t that bad to me. He thinks I should just take it. He works for my FIL, and he’s used to them badgering him to help them with basic things. He thinks it’s okay that they treat me like an extension of him, but I’m not okay with it anymore.
I cut ties with my own mother a decade again for abuse, controlling behavior and treating me like a servant. I honestly can’t believe I’m experiencing this with my in-laws all over again, it triggers me like nothing else. I don’t want to leave my husband, and we have a very happy life together otherwise. He’s such a good person, but he’s also caught in the middle. I know my thoughts and complaints about his family hurts him a lot.
I’ve tried searching online for advice on how to deal with entitled and demanding in-laws, but I can’t find any specific to my case. They don’t interfere with my life otherwise, they only reach out when they want me to do something for them. I feel like they only value me for what I can do for them, and I’m hurt that my husband thinks his mom’s feelings are more important than mine. Every time we talk about them it leads to a massive fight between us. He simply cannot see it from my point of view, and constantly tells me to get over it, and that their behavior isn’t a big deal. What do I do?
submitted by ruslover23 to JUSTNOMIL [link] [comments]
Some back story, my husband and his mom are Eastern European, while my husband’s stepdad and I are Chinese, and we all live in China. His half-sister is mixed European and Chinese. I can barely believe that he’s related to these people: he’s independent, competent, helpful, generous and logical, whereas they are none of these things.
Even before we got married, my in-laws constantly asked me to do favors for them, and I think they treat me like a servant. They’ve even ruined two of my birthdays in a row with some demanding tantrums over stupid shit, and my MIL tried to commandeer my wedding, she even called it her wedding.
One of the problems is that both of them are terrible communicators: my MIL, despite having lived in China for three decades, does not speak Chinese, whereas I don’t speak her mother tongue. Her English is quite poor and she constantly misunderstands me when we try to communicate in English. Even something as simple as organizing a meet up is riddled with frustrations because she has absolutely no communication skills, and she doesn’t even know how to use GPS or other basic Chinese apps. She is the most helpless person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. She hasn’t had a job since she came to China and she is incompetency personified.
On top of that she is snobby, she looks down on most Chinese people and whenever we socialize she is always complaining about something or someone, and she thinks all Chinese people are out of scam her. She lives in a total expat bubble and does not understand most Chinese customs or way of life. My FIL, ironically being Chinese himself, is also a terrible communicator and has a bad case of untreated adult ADD. He’s always spewing bullshit conspiracies at me, or putting me down, or going on about some complete non-sequitur. They’re both demanding and entitled, and if you help them with one favor, they’ll ask for ten more immediately, they’re both total choosing beggars.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was that about 2 years ago, my sister-in-law was getting ready to apply for university in the US. Since I had gone to college in the US, they both asked my husband to make me help her with her college application and SATs. I didn’t want to do it, because I knew there would be communication problems and misunderstandings galore, but after much pleading from my husband, acquiesced in the end.
From the get-go, it was a total nightmare. They both knew absolutely nothing about the US university application process, but whenever I tried to explain it they both talked over me and didn’t listen at all. On top of that they were delusional about my sister-in-law’s grades. She is a mediocre student at best and has absolutely no hobbies or extracurricular interests other than video games, and she acts bratty and immature for her age. Despite this, they thought she could get into Colombia or NYU. Eventually I found them an agency to help them, but as usual my MIL thought the agency was out to scam her and started complaining about them to me and my FIL right away. He, being the entitled twat that he is, told me he was going to sue them for not delivering, even though he didn’t even bother to read the contract he signed with them, and told me to read it, and resolve the situation otherwise he will sue.
On top of this, my SIL, being lazy and spoiled, hated going to them and took it out on me personally by being excessively rude to me everyone I saw her. She would often roll her eyes at me, complain about the agency loudly, or otherwise pretend that I didn’t exist. She has also taken to texting me 40 messages in a row on WeChat in the middle of the night, demanding help with her college application. My MIL witnessed some of this behavior and said nothing. I got so fed up that I started to avoid them completely, and quit our group chats. After a few months they realized I was avoiding them, and started complaining about me and badmouthing me to my husband for “disrespecting” them.
Last September, my husband forced me to go to a dinner with them, after I had managed to avoid them for half a year. My MIL and SIL were both incredibly rude to me and cold-shouldered me all night. I was very upset and honestly didn’t want to ever see them again. Around Thanksgiving they decided it was time to “forgive” me, and I was forced into another dinner with them. The favor-asking started again after this, this time my MIL wanted help changing the wallpapers in her house, which I had done for them before. I was honestly beyond done with them at this point and never wanted to help them with anything again, but as usual my husband begged and pleaded. After I helped them, my husband told his mom to text me to thank me and tell me she was satisfied with the result. Instead she texts (the first time she has texted me in over a year) that she wants to change the wallpaper in every room of their house and wants me to find her new wallpaper books, and help them some more with this.
At this point I am furious. I honestly don’t ever want to see or talk to them again. They never apologized for any of their behavior, never even realized how awful they have been to me over the years, and have gotten comfortable enough to demand favors again. I want my husband to tell them that it’s not okay to treat me this way, and how their past behavior hurt my feelings, but my husband thinks his mom is too sensitive, will misunderstand, and doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. I also offered a face-to-face meeting with her to tell her myself how offensive I find her and my FIL and SIL’s behavior to be, but my husband thinks that her English isn’t strong enough for this and thinks I will offend her and she will misunderstand as usual.
I don’t know what to do at this point, all I know is I can’t stand any of them and can barely bring myself to be civil at this point. I feel allergic to them. I’ve talked about this endlessly to my husband, but he thinks I’m overreacting and that they aren’t that bad to me. He thinks I should just take it. He works for my FIL, and he’s used to them badgering him to help them with basic things. He thinks it’s okay that they treat me like an extension of him, but I’m not okay with it anymore.
I cut ties with my own mother a decade again for abuse, controlling behavior and treating me like a servant. I honestly can’t believe I’m experiencing this with my in-laws all over again, it triggers me like nothing else. I don’t want to leave my husband, and we have a very happy life together otherwise. He’s such a good person, but he’s also caught in the middle. I know my thoughts and complaints about his family hurts him a lot.
I’ve tried searching online for advice on how to deal with entitled and demanding in-laws, but I can’t find any specific to my case. They don’t interfere with my life otherwise, they only reach out when they want me to do something for them. I feel like they only value me for what I can do for them, and I’m hurt that my husband thinks his mom’s feelings are more important than mine. Every time we talk about them it leads to a massive fight between us. He simply cannot see it from my point of view, and constantly tells me to get over it, and that their behavior isn’t a big deal. What do I do?
2024.05.19 09:06 CuriousAnachronism 24 [M4M] Germany/Europe/Online - Fiat iustitia, et pereat mundus
Prologue
Hello and welcome to my post. I will subdivide this into two large parts. One will cover my thoughts, feelings, my hopes and dreams...While the other will tell you the specifics of how I pass the time, what topics interest me, what passions do I posses. I believe that at the end of this leap into my inner world, you dear reader, will have all the necessary information to judge whether we are compatible or not.
Part I
I am writing this in the hopes of finding something that I lack. Lately I have had this feeling, this tinge of melancholy within the dephts of my being, this yearning to find a kindred spirit, another Soul, much like mine, to form a bond with. Perhaps Loneliness is the right word for what is bothering me, but to use it seems to carry with it a connotation of ungratefulness. Ungratefulness for the people that I do have in my life, although none of them, of course, have the connection to me that I seek here.
I have found it increasingly necessary to seek in this Life a sort of purity of thought. What I mean is, I have began to undestand what ideas and concepts are ultimately compatible with my inner most Self, ergo what guidelines I have to follow to feel the most whole. Naturally I have likewise realised what I cannot add to my Self and what I will henceforth reject with all the power that I posses.
With this new context in mind, I now follow on the path of self improvement. I will now begin to mold my Self into my perfected idea of how the Self should be. This is certainly a significant undertaking, one that will not be easy to follow through on but one that I ultimately have to do. To me such context is essential. It is akin to a Guiding Star shining in the night. I will follow this Star for without it I am lost in the vast Darkness.
Looking back at my life, it was suboptimal, especially if one compares the way it molded me to how I will now mold myself. I suppose I must look on with a hint of regret at all that time which one might consider to be lost. Still... I try to stave off such decisively negative interpretations, after all, I have ultimately came to these conclusions. That means that somewhere along the line I had to have picked up on enough of such ideas for them to become so cemented in my consciousness. Well, either that or I was always like this, but in that case I can at least thank my life up to this point for not being able to supress such manifestations of my inner most Self.
To add to the topic of my life, I must admit that not all the battles have yet been won, not all the Demons vanquished, not every Mountain climbed. I want you to keep such things in mind when deciding whether or not to approach me. Many will shy away, I undestand that much, but the pursuit of true Companionship is just another such battle. Having said all that I do believe that being able to overcome hurdles together carries with it a certain appeal. That is to say, what's the fun in joining once the Game is already over?
I don't shy away from such challenges, perhaps to a fault. Certain troubles that I faced in the past carry with them a long shadow over my current health and well being. Still, I intend to change little in this regard other than the proficiency with which I will clash the current of my Will against the cliffs of Life.
Part II
In this part of my post I will tell you about my interests and hobbies, I will try to be thorough, commonality in this regard is rather important to build a relationship
History. I have had an interest in history for almost a decade now, it started back in school and developed from there. Well, now that I think about it one could argue that it started even earlier in my life as I liked watching the odd historic documentary or film aired on television but it wasn't regular back then, I never actively sought it out. I am mostly interested in European history in the period between the 18th-20th century but I sometimes branch out to other time periods and other parts of the world. I watch various channels related to history and read articles and sometimes books. I have recently got a few books on the German revolution of 1848/1849 and a historical magazine on the Thirty Years' War. Besides that I try to visit museums sometimes.
Literature. Especially old novels. I like to immerse myself in the Worlds of these books, I tend to read them while listening to thematically fitting music and take my time with them. One time you are following a troubled Youth in his quest for spiritual understanding of the world, another you see the aged and decrepit Doctor gambling his very Soul on the promises of abtaining satisfaction in earthy pleasures, then again your olfaction notices the most pleasant scent known to man even as the one eminating it has the appearance of a revolting Frog. These and many other stories open up to you once you decide to set foot into the literary World.
Languages. I know three, with one being a bit rusty. I am currently working intently on strengthening it. I believe that if I continue to apply myself in this regard then I should be able to finally conquer it. What language am I working on? Well, if you were to stack all the major works in it they would be as tall as a house... It is fun to go through different works in multiple languages, the same goes for film, games and such.
Games. I recently played Cyberpunk 2077. Well as recently as I played any major story centric game. Now that the dust has settled and the bugs mostly removed...It's not that bad. The main questline at least. Besides that I tried Fallout 76 (Very average, I'm dissapointed with what they made the "RPG" system) and I might give Deus Ex Manking Divided another spin (since it's somewhat similar to Cyberpunk when it comes to its aesthetics). Dark Souls is one of my favorite series, I still haven't beaten Elden Ring though. When it came out I wasn't in the right mindset to invest a hundred hours into it, with all those bosses and difficult locations. I think I'll only consider playing it if I am streaming it to someone. I am generally interested in either streaming games or having the person I am talking to stream them to me. To be specific I mean streaming to a single person while being on call. Besides that I'm a big fan of Paradox strategy games, especially Europa Universalis IV and Heats of Iron IV, I tend to only play single player since I find multiplayer with many people to be rather stressful but on the other hand I have nothing against a co-op game. I'm not the best player though, despite the ammount of hours I have in them. Another great game I would mention would be Dragon's Dogma. A very underrated RPG. I recently beat it again and it was an atmospheric and interesting experience. It is one of those games that feel like they have an endless ammount of depth and constant new secrets to discover.
Anime and Manga. In recent times my interest in them has waned but I still watch the occasional series here and there. Like Cyberpunk Edgerunners (Which I found to be rather mediocre) and the very good first season from the new arc of Bleach. Some of my favourite series include: Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Death Note, Fate;Zero, Psycho Pass, Code Geass and Attack on Titan. I wouldn't mind if you were to introduce me to some new series, maybe based on the ones I mentioned. My favourite Manga is Berserk which I still follow, althought I am still not certain on the direction that the new author is taking. I suppose it really is a matter of contention whether a somewhat (or considerably warped) vision is better than an unfinished work. One could argue that a few novels remain unfinished and possess a macabre appeal to them as such.
Music. Classical music has a very special place in my heart. A few of my favourite pieces would be: Clair de Lune, Nocturne Op. 9 No.2, Devil's Trill Sonata, Danse Macabre, Valse Sentimentale, Symphony No. 7 in A Major, Op. 92: II. Alegreto (by Beethoven) and Suite from Swan Lake, Op. 20a: I. Scene. Moderato. There are more but these ones always invoke something in me when I listen to them. Besides Classical I also enjoy listening to Synthwave, old Western pop and J-pop, both modern and from the 20th century.
Esotericism. I am interested in things spiritual, mystical, magical and esoteric. I have read religios texts, magical grimoires, introductions to various schools of thought. It is interesting to me.
Epilogue
Hopefully I was able to cast the spotlight upon my inner World in a clear and unequivocal manner. I feel the need to add to the aforementioned that I am rather introverted, which means that I tend to dislike large social gatherings. I managed to condition myself to be able to endure the presense of large groups of people but it isn't something that I would seek out in most cases. Besides that I am neurodivergent and suffer from certain issues with mental health. I have to take medication to keep myself under control. They work well enough but certain days are harder than others. I respect the struggle that others have with mental health but in the context of a relationship I have my limits, no one with BDP for instance. I am also not looking for anything casual. I understand than one cannot demand depth and meaning from a conversation with an absolute stranger, that is akin to trying to build a sand castle right before the waves strike but I ask at least that you enter with a mindset that this might become something of significance. I also do want to say that I am completely Monogamous. My preference? The sickly, pale, intellectual who watches rain droplets slide down the window in Autumn. Lastly, if I enjoy the company of a person I tend to not want to let them go.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and have a good day. I ask that you send a DM instead of a chat and that you give the English translation of my title as your own.
Goodbye...Or perhaps untill we meet again
submitted by CuriousAnachronism to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]
Hello and welcome to my post. I will subdivide this into two large parts. One will cover my thoughts, feelings, my hopes and dreams...While the other will tell you the specifics of how I pass the time, what topics interest me, what passions do I posses. I believe that at the end of this leap into my inner world, you dear reader, will have all the necessary information to judge whether we are compatible or not.
Part I
I am writing this in the hopes of finding something that I lack. Lately I have had this feeling, this tinge of melancholy within the dephts of my being, this yearning to find a kindred spirit, another Soul, much like mine, to form a bond with. Perhaps Loneliness is the right word for what is bothering me, but to use it seems to carry with it a connotation of ungratefulness. Ungratefulness for the people that I do have in my life, although none of them, of course, have the connection to me that I seek here.
I have found it increasingly necessary to seek in this Life a sort of purity of thought. What I mean is, I have began to undestand what ideas and concepts are ultimately compatible with my inner most Self, ergo what guidelines I have to follow to feel the most whole. Naturally I have likewise realised what I cannot add to my Self and what I will henceforth reject with all the power that I posses.
With this new context in mind, I now follow on the path of self improvement. I will now begin to mold my Self into my perfected idea of how the Self should be. This is certainly a significant undertaking, one that will not be easy to follow through on but one that I ultimately have to do. To me such context is essential. It is akin to a Guiding Star shining in the night. I will follow this Star for without it I am lost in the vast Darkness.
Looking back at my life, it was suboptimal, especially if one compares the way it molded me to how I will now mold myself. I suppose I must look on with a hint of regret at all that time which one might consider to be lost. Still... I try to stave off such decisively negative interpretations, after all, I have ultimately came to these conclusions. That means that somewhere along the line I had to have picked up on enough of such ideas for them to become so cemented in my consciousness. Well, either that or I was always like this, but in that case I can at least thank my life up to this point for not being able to supress such manifestations of my inner most Self.
To add to the topic of my life, I must admit that not all the battles have yet been won, not all the Demons vanquished, not every Mountain climbed. I want you to keep such things in mind when deciding whether or not to approach me. Many will shy away, I undestand that much, but the pursuit of true Companionship is just another such battle. Having said all that I do believe that being able to overcome hurdles together carries with it a certain appeal. That is to say, what's the fun in joining once the Game is already over?
I don't shy away from such challenges, perhaps to a fault. Certain troubles that I faced in the past carry with them a long shadow over my current health and well being. Still, I intend to change little in this regard other than the proficiency with which I will clash the current of my Will against the cliffs of Life.
Part II
In this part of my post I will tell you about my interests and hobbies, I will try to be thorough, commonality in this regard is rather important to build a relationship
History. I have had an interest in history for almost a decade now, it started back in school and developed from there. Well, now that I think about it one could argue that it started even earlier in my life as I liked watching the odd historic documentary or film aired on television but it wasn't regular back then, I never actively sought it out. I am mostly interested in European history in the period between the 18th-20th century but I sometimes branch out to other time periods and other parts of the world. I watch various channels related to history and read articles and sometimes books. I have recently got a few books on the German revolution of 1848/1849 and a historical magazine on the Thirty Years' War. Besides that I try to visit museums sometimes.
Literature. Especially old novels. I like to immerse myself in the Worlds of these books, I tend to read them while listening to thematically fitting music and take my time with them. One time you are following a troubled Youth in his quest for spiritual understanding of the world, another you see the aged and decrepit Doctor gambling his very Soul on the promises of abtaining satisfaction in earthy pleasures, then again your olfaction notices the most pleasant scent known to man even as the one eminating it has the appearance of a revolting Frog. These and many other stories open up to you once you decide to set foot into the literary World.
Languages. I know three, with one being a bit rusty. I am currently working intently on strengthening it. I believe that if I continue to apply myself in this regard then I should be able to finally conquer it. What language am I working on? Well, if you were to stack all the major works in it they would be as tall as a house... It is fun to go through different works in multiple languages, the same goes for film, games and such.
Games. I recently played Cyberpunk 2077. Well as recently as I played any major story centric game. Now that the dust has settled and the bugs mostly removed...It's not that bad. The main questline at least. Besides that I tried Fallout 76 (Very average, I'm dissapointed with what they made the "RPG" system) and I might give Deus Ex Manking Divided another spin (since it's somewhat similar to Cyberpunk when it comes to its aesthetics). Dark Souls is one of my favorite series, I still haven't beaten Elden Ring though. When it came out I wasn't in the right mindset to invest a hundred hours into it, with all those bosses and difficult locations. I think I'll only consider playing it if I am streaming it to someone. I am generally interested in either streaming games or having the person I am talking to stream them to me. To be specific I mean streaming to a single person while being on call. Besides that I'm a big fan of Paradox strategy games, especially Europa Universalis IV and Heats of Iron IV, I tend to only play single player since I find multiplayer with many people to be rather stressful but on the other hand I have nothing against a co-op game. I'm not the best player though, despite the ammount of hours I have in them. Another great game I would mention would be Dragon's Dogma. A very underrated RPG. I recently beat it again and it was an atmospheric and interesting experience. It is one of those games that feel like they have an endless ammount of depth and constant new secrets to discover.
Anime and Manga. In recent times my interest in them has waned but I still watch the occasional series here and there. Like Cyberpunk Edgerunners (Which I found to be rather mediocre) and the very good first season from the new arc of Bleach. Some of my favourite series include: Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Death Note, Fate;Zero, Psycho Pass, Code Geass and Attack on Titan. I wouldn't mind if you were to introduce me to some new series, maybe based on the ones I mentioned. My favourite Manga is Berserk which I still follow, althought I am still not certain on the direction that the new author is taking. I suppose it really is a matter of contention whether a somewhat (or considerably warped) vision is better than an unfinished work. One could argue that a few novels remain unfinished and possess a macabre appeal to them as such.
Music. Classical music has a very special place in my heart. A few of my favourite pieces would be: Clair de Lune, Nocturne Op. 9 No.2, Devil's Trill Sonata, Danse Macabre, Valse Sentimentale, Symphony No. 7 in A Major, Op. 92: II. Alegreto (by Beethoven) and Suite from Swan Lake, Op. 20a: I. Scene. Moderato. There are more but these ones always invoke something in me when I listen to them. Besides Classical I also enjoy listening to Synthwave, old Western pop and J-pop, both modern and from the 20th century.
Esotericism. I am interested in things spiritual, mystical, magical and esoteric. I have read religios texts, magical grimoires, introductions to various schools of thought. It is interesting to me.
Epilogue
Hopefully I was able to cast the spotlight upon my inner World in a clear and unequivocal manner. I feel the need to add to the aforementioned that I am rather introverted, which means that I tend to dislike large social gatherings. I managed to condition myself to be able to endure the presense of large groups of people but it isn't something that I would seek out in most cases. Besides that I am neurodivergent and suffer from certain issues with mental health. I have to take medication to keep myself under control. They work well enough but certain days are harder than others. I respect the struggle that others have with mental health but in the context of a relationship I have my limits, no one with BDP for instance. I am also not looking for anything casual. I understand than one cannot demand depth and meaning from a conversation with an absolute stranger, that is akin to trying to build a sand castle right before the waves strike but I ask at least that you enter with a mindset that this might become something of significance. I also do want to say that I am completely Monogamous. My preference? The sickly, pale, intellectual who watches rain droplets slide down the window in Autumn. Lastly, if I enjoy the company of a person I tend to not want to let them go.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and have a good day. I ask that you send a DM instead of a chat and that you give the English translation of my title as your own.
Goodbye...Or perhaps untill we meet again
2024.05.19 09:03 GuiltlessMaple Best Carbon Remover Solvent
 | submitted by GuiltlessMaple to u/GuiltlessMaple [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/3d40632m0c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=212d35c5dedd117e1e3c90307bc3df204cf23cc4 Welcome to our comprehensive review of the top carbon remover solvents in the market. If you're struggling with stubborn carbon deposits and stains, we've got you covered. Our in-depth analysis will help you find the perfect solution for your cleaning needs. So sit back, relax, and let us guide you through the world of carbon remover solvents! The Top 19 Best Carbon Remover Solvent
Reviews🔗Powerful Carbon Remover Solvent for Deep Cleaning Metal Surfaceshttps://preview.redd.it/6qwmhtgm0c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=612ddc421a8b604a777eb76f4174127f8ec7c07f Using the Carbon-Off Gel, I was surprised by just how powerful it was in removing carbon buildup from my metal surfaces. I initially applied it on my griddle, which was incredibly coated with carbon, and to my delight, it worked wonders. The gel's fast-acting formula saved me time and effort that I would have spent scrubbing thoroughly. However, I encountered a slightly concerning issue when I accidentally sprayed some on my kitchen mixer. The gel stripped the paint right off, leaving a shiny metallic surface. It's evident that this product is highly potent, and caution should be exercised to avoid any unintentional damage. Proper safety measures like gloves and eyewear are strongly advised. Overall, Carbon-Off Gel is an effective solution for cleaning carbon buildup on metal surfaces. Its efficiency and quick action are undeniable, but users should be mindful of its potency to prevent any unintended consequences. 🔗Comprehensive USA-Made Carbon Remover and Solventhttps://preview.redd.it/3ywtm50n0c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8bd5cc6c8e94ba001a102c03afb8eff11606a6e6 I've been using the Comstar Zip Clean for a while now, and I must say, it's been quite the lifesaver! This heavy-duty metal degreaser and carbon cleaner easily tackles mineral oil-based oils and hardened carbon. What I love most about it is the convenience of the jet spray machine or dip cleaner for non-aluminum parts. It makes cleaning so much more efficient and less messy. As for the company, ComStar International Inc. , they're truly leading the way in environmentally safe, industrial strength chemical products. Their dedication to creating a more extensive range of specialty products is impressive. Plus, being a proudly American-made product, it's great to know where it comes from. However, like anything, there are a few downsides too. For instance, it can be a bit harsh on certain surfaces, so it's essential to use it with caution. Also, it's not recommended for aluminum parts, so always make sure you're using it on the right materials. Overall, the Comstar Zip Clean is a reliable, efficient, and eco-friendly product that I've grown to rely on in my daily life. 🔗Carbon Remover Solvent: Deep Engine Cleaning for Optimal Performancehttps://preview.redd.it/9anv0wdn0c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5b9349d8558f7d44282f77c85c80862d54dcf542 As a car enthusiast, I've tried many engine cleaners, but none quite like the XADO Engine Oil System Cleaner with Anti-Carbon Effect. With its deep engine cleaning properties, it eliminated all sorts of contaminants and sludge from my engine's oil system, resulting in improved performance. One of the highlights for me was its versatility, as it was suitable for all engine types, including turbo-supercharged engines. It was easy to use too - simply add it to my engine oil before an oil change. However, I did notice one downside - it's not the most cost-effective product on the market. But overall, the XADO Engine Oil System Cleaner exceeded my expectations. It not only improved my engine's performance but also gave me peace of mind knowing that I was taking proper care of my car's engine. Highly recommended for those looking for a top-notch engine cleaner! 🔗Phosphate-Free Carbon Remover Solvent for Ovens, Fryers, and Rotisserieshttps://preview.redd.it/c26two0o0c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e5af20b85a6c26e0710c5000f8a7d7e938044db5 Using the Carbon-Off 20619 Foam Plus Cleaner in my own kitchen has been a game-changer. This 19 oz. canister of oven cleaner can handle the toughest grease and grime, making it perfect for my busy life. The foam clings to various surfaces, easily dissolving the carbon mess I've built up over time. I appreciate that it's phosphate-free and nonflammable, giving me peace of mind during cleaning. Although it has a strong smell, it doesn't leave any toxic fumes or residues, making my kitchen feel fresh after use. But using gloves is essential due to its potency. Overall, this product has made my cleaning routine a breeze, and I highly recommend it to anyone who needs a powerful yet safe oven cleaner. 🔗C4 Carbon Remover: Effective and Safe Gun Cleaning Solutionhttps://preview.redd.it/za41tvgo0c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=251acd39e5449bc8887bde1a714a9b4376df3920 I've been using the Bore Tech C4 Carbon Remover 16 oz like a mad gunsmith. The fact that it's specifically designed for removing sticky carbon residues without the stink, toxicity, or mess makes it an absolute game-changer. This stuff deep cleans and effectively neutralizes the corrosive underbelly of build-up, turning my once dull firearms into shining pieces of beauty. It's the perfect fit for barrels, bolts, and other nifty parts where carbon has been known to thrive. What impressed me the most is the quality. This is Made in the U. S, so I felt a bit of pride whenever I used it. It's safe, too, and perfect for gun enthusiasts who hate dealing with the harsh chemicals found in other cleaners. With this in hand, I can safely say that my firearms are more efficient and in better condition than ever before. If you're looking for a reliable and effective carbon remover, look no further than the Bore Tech C4 Carbon Remover 16 oz. 🔗Advanced Carbon Cleaner for Gasoline & Diesel Engineshttps://preview.redd.it/ekyszauo0c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=16e3ed72560a7e4fb2cc84a2008994b4305fd267 As a reviewer, I've been using Motor Power Care's Advanced Carbon Cleaner for my gasoline engine, and I must say, it has been a game-changer. The product's formula, containing advanced technology, helps reach deep areas and dissolve and remove carbon deposits with ease. It's non-corrosive and safe for both gasoline and diesel engines, making it a versatile option for different engine types. One of the most notable aspects of this cleaner is its ease of use. Simply shake the can, warm up the engine, and spray the cleaner into the combustion chamber through an access port. Let it react for 20 minutes, then extract the resulting emulsion with a vacuum. Repeat this process for each cylinder, and the engine will thank you with improved performance and efficiency. However, it's not all sunshine and rainbows. I encountered a minor issue during my testing phase. I had to use a vacuum to clean the resulting emulsion, which, although convenient, required me to invest in a vacuum cleaner if I didn't already have one. Overall, Motor Power Care's Advanced Carbon Cleaner has been a fantastic addition to my engine maintenance routine, and I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to others in search of an effective and easy-to-use carbon cleaner. 🔗High-Performance Carbon Remover for Metal Surfaceshttps://preview.redd.it/2fffh8cp0c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1c31511b0ee0fda9f68b2729c154c7b46c6b716c The CARBON-OFF Heavy Duty Carbon Remover is a game-changer for anyone dealing with stubborn carbon buildup on various surfaces. Recently, I tried it out on my barbecue grill, and let me tell you, it worked wonders! The gel formula is simple to apply and the wait time is flexible, depending on the extent of the buildup. It's also safe for use on aluminum. However, I'd be remiss not to mention that some of the chemicals in the formula had a strong smell that lingered a bit after use. But, the convenience of easily removing carbon without having to scrub for hours made the slight inconvenience worth it. In conclusion, if you're looking for a quick and effective solution to combat carbon buildup, give the CARBON-OFF Heavy Duty Carbon Remover a try. It's a lifesaver for those who hate cleaning their grills. 🔗Polaris Carbon Clean - Off-Road Fuel System and Carburetor Cleanerhttps://preview.redd.it/lxz5ionp0c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=045b2857ce28fd70e30f92fdb5102fe550e50c82 During my time spent with the Polaris Carbon Clean, I found it to be an essential tool for my outdoor adventures. I particularly appreciated the new advanced formula that provides a 5-1 treat ratio, making it the ultimate fuel and injection system cleaner. The alcohol-free formula is safe for all powersports applications and ethanol-compatible. One of the product's highlights was the prevention of ethanol corrosion, which helped to stabilize my fuel and keep my engine running smoothly. The carbon clean solution effectively cleaned my carburetor jets and fuel injector nozzles, as well as removing deposits on my piston. The attached measuring cup was a handy bonus, ensuring exact measurements for a cleaner and more efficient fuel system. However, I noticed that the product did not come with any warranty information, which may be a concern for some users. Overall, the Polaris Carbon Clean was an excellent addition to my off-road arsenal, helping me maintain my Polaris machines and enjoy my outdoor experiences with increased confidence. 🔗5 L Walter Surface Technologies Heavy Duty Stainless Steel Weld Cleaning Solutionhttps://preview.redd.it/b8sw9azp0c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bda6af7b7cfb0363795aa712c64f3cb4c582c97e Recently, I needed to clean up some stubborn and oxidized stainless steel parts I had been working on. The Walter Surface Technologies 54A006 Weld Cleaning Solution caught my eye, and I decided to give it a try. The 5 L container was easy to pour and use, making the cleaning process a breeze. The highlight of this cleaning solution was its ability to remove even the toughest contaminants like rust and scale without any issues. After using it, the stainless steel parts looked as good as new, and I could see why it's called a heavy-duty electrolyte solution. The product's non-toxic nature and CFIA & South Coast Air Quality Management District (SCAQMD), NSF certification made me feel confident about handling and using it. However, I must admit that the 54A006SURFOX-T Heavy Duty Electrolyte Solution worked a bit faster at times than I expected, but that didn't take away from its effectiveness. The only downside was that the cleaning solution had a mild odor, which wasn't very pleasant to work with. In conclusion, the Walter Surface Technologies 54A006 Weld Cleaning Solution proved to be a reliable and efficient product for cleaning and restoring the appearance and integrity of stainless steel parts. Its heavy-duty formulation and non-toxic nature make it a go-to choice for those seeking a corrosion-resistant and long-lasting solution for their workpieces. 🔗High-Performance Carbon Remover Solvent for Cleaning All Metals and Plasticshttps://preview.redd.it/pmhvedeq0c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=88871fe331c600d3785502b7c94d681ca8dd24e8 I recently used the Blaster Parts Washer Solvent in my garage to clean up some greasy engine parts, and I must say, it certainly lived up to its name. This solvent can cut through cutting oil and motor oils with ease, leaving parts residue-free and sparkling clean. The high flashpoint formula at 145°F ensures it's safe to use on all metals, most plastics, and even painted surfaces without causing any damage. I was particularly impressed with the way it performed on my metal and paint pieces. The only downside I experienced was that it seemed to wear away the paint on the parts washers themselves. Despite this minor issue, I would still recommend the Blaster Parts Washer Solvent for its stellar all-around performance. 🔗Safe, Effective Carbon Remover for Gun Cleaninghttps://preview.redd.it/yuallatq0c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6f4037a4a702fcfc7b8636382458115317988f74 As a gun enthusiast, I was always on the lookout for a reliable and safe cleaning solution for my firearms. That's when I stumbled upon the Carbon Pro 16oz Trigger Spray. The first thing I noticed was its versatile size options, which meant I could conveniently carry it with me on my hunting trips. Upon trying it out, I noticed the cleaner was ammonia-free and water-based, which made it a safer choice for me and the environment. The proprietary blend of chemical surfactants and detergents in Carbon Pro effectively removed heavy carbon and lead deposits from the bore of my firearms without causing any damage to the steel surface. The lack of noxious fumes and hazardous chemicals made Carbon Pro a safer alternative to traditional gun bore cleaners. Plus, it actually worked! I appreciated how the gun cleaner spray bottle made it easy to target and thoroughly clean the bore. Overall, my experience with the Carbon Pro was great, and I highly recommend it to fellow firearm enthusiasts looking for a reliable and safe cleaning solution. Its effectiveness and ammonia-free formula make it a standout product in the market. 🔗Reliable Carbon Remover for Emissions Test Pass - CRC 05063https://preview.redd.it/mmgvzocr0c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6cc0084362297182c25b3c6c9416226cc14aaf11 I recently tried the CRC 05063 Guaranteed to Pass Emissions Test Formula, and I must say, it made a noticeable difference in my car's performance. The powerful detergent additives truly super-cleaned the entire fuel system, reducing emissions and improving my car's overall performance in just one tank full. One of the highlights of this product has been the significant improvement in fuel economy and acceleration. As someone who relies heavily on my car for daily life, this was a truly game-changing feature that I haven't experienced with gas treatments before. However, there were a few minor downsides to note. Although the product is advertised as suitable for all fuel types, there were instances where the fuel economy didn't improve as much as expected. Additionally, there were instances where the car's performance didn't show an immediate improvement, which left me feeling a bit skeptical about the product's effectiveness. Despite these minor drawbacks, I ultimately found the CRC 05063 Guaranteed to Pass Emissions Test Formula to be a worthwhile investment in maintaining my car's performance and emissions standards. Buyer's Guidehttps://preview.redd.it/p54adbhu0c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a943c5937ed1c96e3aec8942a0b3f23e5e6d674d None FAQhttps://preview.redd.it/195ittou0c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d739559d6ff65286f069e9cae8a04c279168c336 What is Carbon Remover Solvent?Carbon Remover Solvent is an effective cleaning solution designed to remove carbon buildup and grime from various surfaces. Its unique blend of chemicals makes it an ideal choice for removing grease, oil, and other nasty substances.What are the benefits of using Carbon Remover Solvent?https://preview.redd.it/e73p907v0c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=70d36cc7c53b8c0a1df1bfcf3959f7210917a922
Is Carbon Remover Solvent safe for use in my car?Yes, Carbon Remover Solvent is safe for use in cars and on various vehicle surfaces. It is designed to dissolve carbon buildup and grease without damaging the paint or other components of your car. https://preview.redd.it/gxw78gqv0c1d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=27e3c8be821ca10991a546e8aba928d682c9cde9 How do I use Carbon Remover Solvent?
Are there any precautions I should take when using Carbon Remover Solvent?When using Carbon Remover Solvent, be sure to wear gloves and work in a well-ventilated area to avoid inhalation of the solvent fumes. It is also recommended to perform a patch test on a small, inconspicuous area first to ensure compatibility with the surface you are cleaning.What is the best way to store Carbon Remover Solvent?Carbon Remover Solvent should be stored in a cool, dry place away from direct sunlight. It is important to keep the container tightly sealed to prevent contamination and maintain the solvent's effectiveness.As an Amazon™ Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. |
2024.05.19 08:59 MarvelousClover This is my recently deceased 19 year old-lady baby Suki, and I just wanted other people to know she existed. (:
 | I want to start by saying I’m not posting this in a “sad” way! She passed away in February, she didn’t suffer, and I have no regrets. (: submitted by MarvelousClover to cats [link] [comments] Tonight in my 3am musings, I had a random thought that I would like to put pictures of her out there in the world. Just to be like “hey look at this wonderful girl, she existed for 19 years, been with me since I was a pre-teen to my 30’s, and now for a moment, you are aware she existed. For a brief minute, she exists to someone else too.” I don’t know if that makes sense. But yeah, I think just knowing that these pictures will be here, as opposed to just hiding on my phone, makes me happy. Thanks! 💜 |
2024.05.19 08:59 No_Extension_4527 Ingratitude journal
I am so insanely ungrateful...
... for you planting in me those thoughts of not being worthy of presenting myself to others, of taking myself seriously, of recognizing my needs as important. So important that the impulse would arise in me to act for myself, to take care of myself. To see myself as a valuable person, at least as valuable as everyone else.
My ingratitude also for you not making it obvious to me to take care of myself. That I don't take myself seriously. Because what others feel was always more important.
... and for smiling for others instead of myself. Why did I have to make sure everyone was okay?
Why was I not allowed to disappoint anyone? Why did you make me believe I was responsible for others' disappointments?
Why was I not allowed to have "negative" feelings? Why were those feelings equated with ingratitude (since one should always be happy for what one has, always keep in mind that others have it much worse!) "Eat your greens, especially broccoli. Always remember to say thank you (especially for the things you haven't had)!"
... That I don't take myself seriously or endlessly question myself when I feel bad. Am I even allowed to be sad about the things that were done to me? For the things that were dismissed, or withheld from me? Am I allowed to get help when I'm not feeling well?
That you didn't recognize or didn't want to see (so you wouldn't be blamed) how much my environment stressed me, despite signs like biting my nails, withdrawal, gaining weight etc. Why didn't you move away with me from that place, as you had considered...
... for never discussing feelings, my feelings, my condition, or our relationship. And conflict/argument was always avoided like the plague. The difficulties of talking about feelings and interpersonal relationships with others run like a thread through my life. What was so difficult about talking to me about emotions?
Then I often have to ask myself: Were my feelings even justified? Or just manifestations of my (of course undesirable!) (hyper)sensitivity? Was I only sad because I took everything too seriously? Because I wasn't grateful enough for this normalcy? Grateful for not having it much worse?
That it turned into me not being able to confide in anyone, because I'm actually ashamed of feeling like a victim of your treatment, or feeling anything at all. Of needing something. Useless things, like closeness and security. Help, sometimes.
That I only felt understood in music, felt held, not alone with my feelings. That sometimes I can even express myself better in English about myself and my feelings because of it.
Why did you leave me alone so often? At the inn? In my room? With my toys? While you got drunk? You praised me for my independence, for making myself so small and inconspicuous and keeping myself busy. Yes, I confirm that boredom also breeds creativity. Guess I should be thankful for that, too.
That I now feel constantly lonely, inwardly longing. Always searching for love from people who cannot give it to me. I searched for deep emotional connections, even as a child, and if I hadn't had Grandma, I would be completely lost today. Not just emotionally. So as not to be run over, one must keep up... be overlooked, step back. Why didn't we cuddle? Why was there so little physical closeness? Why did you never say you love me? It felt so weird and wrong to say it to someone else later in life even though I felt it...
My heartfelt ingratitude also for constantly telling me that self-praise is vain. That one should not be too proud of oneself, not think too highly of oneself, not be too convinced of oneself, but rather be modest. “Too much praise is bad for children, then they think they are something special, something better.”
Now I don't really know anymore when I'm allowed to be happy about myself. When I'm allowed to be proud of myself. After all, I am special, and in some ways even better than others; as everyone can do something special or better than others.
My many talents, which I could be proud of... why do I always feel unworthy and inferior? Why are my paintings, my songs, ... never finished? I always feel I have to apologize for alleged mistakes in my art.
//
But the poet says defiantly: My whole art is one single mistake, born out of wounds. That you inflicted on me. It lives to defy you! To disturb you! To show itself to you! Why should I hide all the wounds I have survived, despite your treatment? They are not my weaknesses! They are not my fault! They are nothing I should be ashamed of. Instead: they are your hindrance to my perfect being. Your fault. Your shame. Your responsibility.
My songs will ring in your ears and echo and tell you what you don't want to hear! Because it reminds you of your own vulnerability, which you deny, which you hide from. My paintings as your mirrors. My words as your death sentence!
I am angry for you, little inner children, for being treated like that and for being asked to put your feelings and needs aside like that. For not even being allowed to be sad about it. I see you and now I'm sad for you. You deserve to be heard, to be comforted, to be freed from the garbage that was served to you. For this garbage, we can all be truly ungrateful from the bottom of our hearts!
I shouldn't be ashamed anymore for all the things that developed in me, because you are superficial, neglectful, insensitive, intrusive, spiteful people. I now know that you should be ashamed, not me.
submitted by No_Extension_4527 to letters [link] [comments]
... for you planting in me those thoughts of not being worthy of presenting myself to others, of taking myself seriously, of recognizing my needs as important. So important that the impulse would arise in me to act for myself, to take care of myself. To see myself as a valuable person, at least as valuable as everyone else.
My ingratitude also for you not making it obvious to me to take care of myself. That I don't take myself seriously. Because what others feel was always more important.
... and for smiling for others instead of myself. Why did I have to make sure everyone was okay?
Why was I not allowed to disappoint anyone? Why did you make me believe I was responsible for others' disappointments?
Why was I not allowed to have "negative" feelings? Why were those feelings equated with ingratitude (since one should always be happy for what one has, always keep in mind that others have it much worse!) "Eat your greens, especially broccoli. Always remember to say thank you (especially for the things you haven't had)!"
... That I don't take myself seriously or endlessly question myself when I feel bad. Am I even allowed to be sad about the things that were done to me? For the things that were dismissed, or withheld from me? Am I allowed to get help when I'm not feeling well?
That you didn't recognize or didn't want to see (so you wouldn't be blamed) how much my environment stressed me, despite signs like biting my nails, withdrawal, gaining weight etc. Why didn't you move away with me from that place, as you had considered...
... for never discussing feelings, my feelings, my condition, or our relationship. And conflict/argument was always avoided like the plague. The difficulties of talking about feelings and interpersonal relationships with others run like a thread through my life. What was so difficult about talking to me about emotions?
Then I often have to ask myself: Were my feelings even justified? Or just manifestations of my (of course undesirable!) (hyper)sensitivity? Was I only sad because I took everything too seriously? Because I wasn't grateful enough for this normalcy? Grateful for not having it much worse?
That it turned into me not being able to confide in anyone, because I'm actually ashamed of feeling like a victim of your treatment, or feeling anything at all. Of needing something. Useless things, like closeness and security. Help, sometimes.
That I only felt understood in music, felt held, not alone with my feelings. That sometimes I can even express myself better in English about myself and my feelings because of it.
Why did you leave me alone so often? At the inn? In my room? With my toys? While you got drunk? You praised me for my independence, for making myself so small and inconspicuous and keeping myself busy. Yes, I confirm that boredom also breeds creativity. Guess I should be thankful for that, too.
That I now feel constantly lonely, inwardly longing. Always searching for love from people who cannot give it to me. I searched for deep emotional connections, even as a child, and if I hadn't had Grandma, I would be completely lost today. Not just emotionally. So as not to be run over, one must keep up... be overlooked, step back. Why didn't we cuddle? Why was there so little physical closeness? Why did you never say you love me? It felt so weird and wrong to say it to someone else later in life even though I felt it...
My heartfelt ingratitude also for constantly telling me that self-praise is vain. That one should not be too proud of oneself, not think too highly of oneself, not be too convinced of oneself, but rather be modest. “Too much praise is bad for children, then they think they are something special, something better.”
Now I don't really know anymore when I'm allowed to be happy about myself. When I'm allowed to be proud of myself. After all, I am special, and in some ways even better than others; as everyone can do something special or better than others.
My many talents, which I could be proud of... why do I always feel unworthy and inferior? Why are my paintings, my songs, ... never finished? I always feel I have to apologize for alleged mistakes in my art.
//
But the poet says defiantly: My whole art is one single mistake, born out of wounds. That you inflicted on me. It lives to defy you! To disturb you! To show itself to you! Why should I hide all the wounds I have survived, despite your treatment? They are not my weaknesses! They are not my fault! They are nothing I should be ashamed of. Instead: they are your hindrance to my perfect being. Your fault. Your shame. Your responsibility.
My songs will ring in your ears and echo and tell you what you don't want to hear! Because it reminds you of your own vulnerability, which you deny, which you hide from. My paintings as your mirrors. My words as your death sentence!
I am angry for you, little inner children, for being treated like that and for being asked to put your feelings and needs aside like that. For not even being allowed to be sad about it. I see you and now I'm sad for you. You deserve to be heard, to be comforted, to be freed from the garbage that was served to you. For this garbage, we can all be truly ungrateful from the bottom of our hearts!
I shouldn't be ashamed anymore for all the things that developed in me, because you are superficial, neglectful, insensitive, intrusive, spiteful people. I now know that you should be ashamed, not me.
2024.05.19 08:58 Efficient-Item605 I hate my husband
Yeah, I think I hate my husband. He just can be biggest jerk ever. So, we are planning a trip to the beach for my birthday (we do have an agreement that for our birthday we can ask anything and we will use our money to get it, I said since the beginning what I want is a trip) we are taking advantage of some flights he is getting for free because he is going to the same place for work. So, we booked our Airbnb tonight and I wanted to go eat to this restaurant for my birthday but he told me 2 weeks ago he will have to work on my birthday until 2-2:30pm. I said ok, it’s fine. Then today when I wanted to make the reservation for the restaurant I was thinking out loud and said “I wonder if it’s smart to make the reservation at the restaurant since you compromised to work on my birthday, I’m worried we will not make it on time”… dude got up and got so so mad and starting saying shit and walked away. I stayed there thinking what the heck? Then I got up and I asked him to take the trash out. He ignored me, I called him and asked him again to take the trash out he started saying stuff “why? How is that going to make anything difference on taking it tonight and tomorrow…” I said it was smelling funny and I didn’t want that smell in the house. I was about to take it but he came mad and took the trash out. Then came back inside and started acting upset and I got upset bc I was “what’s the problem?” I brushed my teeth and did all my night routine, dude got in bed and “went to sleep” and I asked him… “what are you so mad about?” He didn’t respond and I said so “you’re just gonna act like that?” “What did I do for you to be mad?” The argument started, he said I told him he “compromised to work on My birthday” bc I was mad, I was trying to make him feel bad, and I was upset about it. I wasn’t upset about it. I was just thinking out loud about the restaurant reservations, so I said, how was I mad when I said that you compromised to work on my birthday? He said then why would you say it? My response was im just thinking out loud, and then he said no you were not. You were saying it because you were mad about it … and we just kept arguing because I really didn’t understand why he is so mad about… Take into consideration that English is not my first language, and I am not from here, so he looked up on Google what compromise means and then he told me that compromise means you doing something that you don’t want to do, even though the understanding for me in my native language means that you agreed to work on that day or do something bc you’re being responsible. He always thinks the worse of me so I wasn’t impressed…and I am here still not understanding what I did wrong. He said that nothing is never enough for me, he started “crying” and mocking me saying “oh poor girl she is going to the beach for her birthday, poor her poor her” and I got very offended at the fact he was mocking me because I never said that going to the beach was not enough and I was not mad about him working but he just kept being upset about it and I was trying to understand and I asked him to explain how me telling him that I was worried about the restaurant and if I should make a reservation was bad. Anyways, he is a jerk. He is always a jerk and he always makes fun of me. He always uses adjectives about me. He told me many many times that he is done and he wants a divorce and I honestly don’t feel heard in this relationship, I don’t feel loved. I don’t feel happy and I am very very miserable. I cry a lot because I hate his jerk comments and I hate the way that he is sometimes, he can be very cocky, have smart ass comments about me and about what I do, he also makes fun of me and my accent in front of people, he also uses me like his little guinea pig to make jokes of me with his friends or with new people, and then he says he loves my culture, and he loves me. I’ve been thinking about divorcing him, I’ve been contemplating the idea on moving out and just going to live by myself, but I feel lonely and I feel scared because I’m alone in this country. I am not worried about being alone and being responsible for myself because believe it or not me as an immigrant make more money that he makes, I have two jobs, I am a very hard-working person, I am a good wife, I keep the house clean, do the laundry, make sure he always has food and I don’t do this because I think it’s my obligation as a woman but because I really care about him, so the fact that he just treated me the way that he does it just breaks my heart because I think i still love him. I am also embarrassed and scared of calling my family and my mother…Tell them all the truth because I always told them that he is a good man and he loves me very well, but they don’t know that he is an asshole a lot of times, and it’s funny that I heard from his high school friends that they told me many times “why did you marry him?” “ What did you see in him” they even told him “what did you do to get someone so good like her, what did you do to get so lucky” His friends like me, I have a great relationship with most of his friends. I am just now thinking he’s always being a jerk. He’s never going to change that’s just the way that he is. Do you guys have any advice? Should I leave him? I know I am not perfect, but he hates the fact that I want to cuddle, he hates the fact that I want to be Sweet, he hates the fact that I want to be cheesy, he is not at all detailist, he never gives me flowers, presents, surprises, anything that is cheesy for him is always a no-no, we don’t do anything that Married couples do, anniversaries,surprises, etc… I don’t think he loves me, even though he sometimes says he loves me, but he loves me only when I agree with everything that he says or has to do or don’t get close to Him, don’t ask him anything, don’t expect Anything… How do I get a divorce? how do I make sure that, I get all my money and everything that is mine like my car and he doesn’t take it away from me? I don’t want to Spend all my savings in lawyers. I hate being with him and hate his personality, I love how creative and smart he can be sometimes but I hate him as a person.
submitted by Efficient-Item605 to offmychest [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 08:53 haklar21 Long time watcher, first time poster. These are my thoughts about the recent goings-on.
Long time watcher, first time poster!
I don’t know if anyone will actually read this, but I’m writing it because I love the channel.
Lately, the delays in release dates have been tough, and the channel feels different since your break, which was supposed to help you catch up and get ahead. We understand there might be external pressures or internal changes, but this isn't the Why Files we know and love. Most comments here are positive because we want to see the Why Files thrive and AJ and the rest of the team happy and healthy. Many people here care about his burnout, and fortnightly episodes would be great! These constant delays are hard to get behind. Weekly schedules just don’t seem doable anymore, and we'd be fine with fortnightly episodes because we love your content.
I know there’s more to it than just changing the schedule and you’ve got mouths to feed. But as someone who runs a business, these delays and poor scheduling will lead to fewer ad opportunities and viewers. We can already see people turning away because of the broken promises.
I genuinely get excited to watch the episodes and want the Why Files to continue, but I'd wait an extra week if it helps you do your best work. Something needs to change before it's too late.
I wish you all the best!
submitted by haklar21 to TheWhyFiles [link] [comments]
I don’t know if anyone will actually read this, but I’m writing it because I love the channel.
Lately, the delays in release dates have been tough, and the channel feels different since your break, which was supposed to help you catch up and get ahead. We understand there might be external pressures or internal changes, but this isn't the Why Files we know and love. Most comments here are positive because we want to see the Why Files thrive and AJ and the rest of the team happy and healthy. Many people here care about his burnout, and fortnightly episodes would be great! These constant delays are hard to get behind. Weekly schedules just don’t seem doable anymore, and we'd be fine with fortnightly episodes because we love your content.
I know there’s more to it than just changing the schedule and you’ve got mouths to feed. But as someone who runs a business, these delays and poor scheduling will lead to fewer ad opportunities and viewers. We can already see people turning away because of the broken promises.
I genuinely get excited to watch the episodes and want the Why Files to continue, but I'd wait an extra week if it helps you do your best work. Something needs to change before it's too late.
I wish you all the best!
2024.05.19 08:52 Wolfwarrior121892 Poem I wrote
Can anyone tell me if I am the only one . Is it me am I the problem? I don’t know what to believe anymore I wanna know someone give me a reason an explanation fuck give me an excuse for all the moments in my life that pain so white hot and intense has wracked my body and brought me to my knees when my will to live has been brought face to face with my darkest fear. Where the only words i can hear as death whispers in my ear is my name sweetly spoken in promises of a quiet mind and peace. Can anyone hear me is this thing on. My fear is fading out and I know I should be scared at this but I don’t feel fear the same anymore. it is blurring around the edges and starts to look a lot like comfort something I just can’t seem to find or hold in my grasp, and I tell myself I should be scared at this but my soul is battered and bruised and I am running on fumes.I honestly don’t know how many more days I can wake up to this bleakness of my uncomfterably painful existence. Is my pain all in my head. Did I do something that has led the People i love to mishandle me. Do I deserve to be wrecked every day the minute consciousness returns to this weapon that is my brain. Ive torn myself apart so many times ive made myself BLEED. ive let my pain soak into me till I no longer existed in space, gone without a trace. I try so hard to do no harm. As I am falling apart. I pour and pour from my empty cup. Its been empty from my fucking start. My dad was the first to mishandle my fragle new heart. He is where my cracks did start. Home was a battle field amd my skin was where my father’s anger would wage war. I grew up being told I held the golden cup full of my father’s favor. It never would save my skin from his anger. And I was told, no reminded often, how wicked I had been to the first being my heart ever truly let in. I grew up feeling every blow they took wrapped in guilt savagely placed on my heart to go along with my skins own marks. I was Twice whipped but only one would ever heal the other would bleed me every day even till today. At 8 is when death would first whisper my name to me . I never knew never would he ever depart from my mind and heart. At 9 so small and yet already my soul felt so heavy. My wounded little family grew by one. And traveled miles back to where my first cry had taken place. Where I would be born again and die more than one time. 9 taking on a little one. The second soul who would come to know my heart. Cherished and so loved even before air would give raise to his own challenging start. My mother would finish the killing of me without stopping my heart. The tiny soul I had hoped for was ripped away from me unexpectedly. Given away to have a chance, a brand new start , Or so that is what was said. 17 years I would mourn this everyday feeling like a piece of me was lost. By 11 melancholy would already call me home. School the escape from the war at home had become a battlefield of its own. And wounds would be added to the collection that had started. My first brush with a razor and a mans warped desires would fall in this timeframe not too far apart. Ill never know why my mother would make guilt and not love in me grow. Love for my parents I have felt from the start and still with each mark on my heart they would leave on me, the only thing I would ever bleed is my desire that they would want me.that they would love me. Can a child grow up too young? I don’t think I grew up tho. Ive been trapped in the tiny body that never had a real chance to start. By 15 I had lost both parents and one sibling already I was torn apart and bleeding. My wounded heart festering as it began to rot. The razor blades became my closest friends. At least when they marked my skin, I had wanted it then. They always stayed and helped me cradle my already too heavy pain. They knew what I would feel and that it was real. They went in deeper,beneath my surface on purpose. Something no one else wanted to do or so it would seem to me that no one really wanted me. My first love found in a man would be one that would feel much like my dad. Hands too rough and words never in the only shape Ive ever really wanted L O V E He Left more torn up marks on my heart. Heartbreak at 16, you would think i would have welcomed it like an old friend . that I would have tucked it up besides my heart hidden beneath my ribs, where pain was already rattling around in. pain makes us seek out comfort wrapped in deceit. I looked to the arms that made me weep for comfort. I never would find comfort there. for me there all I found are things that broke me. 16 I was 16 when the first piece of me truly died. I watched it die in her eyes. as the words scorching up my throat and heart left my lips. I watched as they connected the dots of things that mothers should not behind her eyes as the piece of me died. I was a daughter never cherished by my father, pain the only thing he gave for me to gain. I was a daughter never loved by my Mother given to men and left to defend alone the monsters my mother let in. Pain separated me from bonds that should have been. I would later see that the monsters I fought inside of me had always really been me . I grew up lonely both on the battlefield I was forced to Fight to survive in real life and inside the prison bar confides of my own mind. I fought and waged war constantly never knowing the enemy I had been fighting the whole time was always me. I don’t know who I am I died before I got the chance to even begin . Love is supposed to fill up your heart and shape you into the person you are. Teach you to swim in the depths of our own emotions. I never learned how to swim in the oceans I hold within. Ive been slowly drowning since I was a kid. Told that the validation I would grow to need like a drug, heroin to a fiend just so that I could feel something good inside the depths of MY being, a liferaft to keep me afloat was wrong of me to ever have a need. But How do I save myself from drowning beneath each giant wave my emotions bring crashing down around me. I cant swim in the ocean beneath my skin. Waves constantly crashing in and dragging me under. My air is running out and the only thing I hear people shout is SWIM!. as water replaces my lungs empty spaces. Blood hurts more than water its true but let love boil the water and it will still hurt you just as much too. Never feeling loved by my makers I searched for it in other spaces. Except the only place it should have been. My children you will never know of the force of love I hold for them. But I am still only a human. Trapped and stunted in the child that has been calling out in pain. So many lessons I have gained I see them now neatly wrapped up in my pain. I have been told by the ones I love both with and without blood, that I am too much because of my pain. Yet when I agree and try to erase me I am told to stay as they then walk away. Why. Why. Why Do I have to stay and everyone else gets to walk away from the darkness that takes my light away. Happiness feels almost like a myth a conjured up dream to dangle just out of my reach. And I have been told that its happiness I thieve from those around me. What kind of monster does that make me. That I would take the thing I so desperately need from someone that I love. It has been told to me that I am the creator of my own misery. That I should be a better human being and stop claiming to be the victim to the things that have brought death to my mind so many times. When I reach for help. Water rushing in as my screams are ripped out. Never a hand has been held out. Only the boots of blame and shame to push me further down. My pleas have begun to fade out. my voice is weakened by the consistent beacon, the sos hanging above my head running down my eyes and out my wrists that everyone claims to miss. No one will hear me if they don’t believe me. How do I convince them my pain is real. it means its me I have to kill. Then everyone will say I had been real and not the ghost I thought I had been when i was drowning and didn’t know how to swim.
submitted by Wolfwarrior121892 to BPDArt [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 08:49 Popular-Republic-381 WIBTA choosing to honor my late brother despite my wife not wanting me to?
I (25M) have been with my wife (27F) for 6 years. Married for 2. My older brother lost his life because of me when I was 16. He passed away right infront of me. To honor my brother, my parents and I have started celebrating his birthday by spending time together typically doing things that he liked.
I spend time with my parents regardless, but it's different on his birthday because it's more focused on him and only him. His birthday is this Wednesday and 2 days ago my wife told me that she doesn't feel comfortable with the idea of me continuing to celebrate his birthday because she feels like I'm holding onto to someone that's no longer here. She believes it's doing more harm than good for my parents and I to continue celebrating because it's not giving us the opportunity to move on.
she told me that she worries about me and she'll feel better if I try therapy again to help better myself. This was all shocking to me because my parents and I have been doing it way before we even got together and it made me upset that she was implying that something was wrong with us honoring him.
The therapy suggestion is not something out of the ordinary for her to suggest when ever I talk about him, however her suggesting that I completely skip celebrating his birthday was. I told her that I appreciated her input, but I didn't ask for it and I wasn't asking for her permission to attend. This upset her as she was "trying to help." I told her once again that I appreciated It but I did not ask for help nor did I need it.
She didn't drop it and it was pissing me off. I told her that I didn't care what she thinks is right, my parents and I are gonna continue to celebrate my brother the way we've been doing. This upset her and she told me that she'll be very hurt If I choose to go because it'll affect how she views me and where she stands in my life?
I make time for her every day of the year. I don't see why I can't prioritize something I enjoy doing with my parents once a year. I'm planning on going regardless. I don't understand what's gotten into her but she's been with me for 6 years and this tradition isn't something that just started.
submitted by Popular-Republic-381 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
I spend time with my parents regardless, but it's different on his birthday because it's more focused on him and only him. His birthday is this Wednesday and 2 days ago my wife told me that she doesn't feel comfortable with the idea of me continuing to celebrate his birthday because she feels like I'm holding onto to someone that's no longer here. She believes it's doing more harm than good for my parents and I to continue celebrating because it's not giving us the opportunity to move on.
she told me that she worries about me and she'll feel better if I try therapy again to help better myself. This was all shocking to me because my parents and I have been doing it way before we even got together and it made me upset that she was implying that something was wrong with us honoring him.
The therapy suggestion is not something out of the ordinary for her to suggest when ever I talk about him, however her suggesting that I completely skip celebrating his birthday was. I told her that I appreciated her input, but I didn't ask for it and I wasn't asking for her permission to attend. This upset her as she was "trying to help." I told her once again that I appreciated It but I did not ask for help nor did I need it.
She didn't drop it and it was pissing me off. I told her that I didn't care what she thinks is right, my parents and I are gonna continue to celebrate my brother the way we've been doing. This upset her and she told me that she'll be very hurt If I choose to go because it'll affect how she views me and where she stands in my life?
I make time for her every day of the year. I don't see why I can't prioritize something I enjoy doing with my parents once a year. I'm planning on going regardless. I don't understand what's gotten into her but she's been with me for 6 years and this tradition isn't something that just started.