they’ve never admitted it but they’ve showed it, the first boy gets a little protective over me—I can’t remember what it was but one of my friends said something rude about me and he said he was joking and he replied with “you better be”, he sat beside me on the bus on our two most recent field trips, we haven’t known each other very long but we have a pretty deep connection already, he always text me first, he’s recommended me a song from the band nirvana which we both love called “drain you” and the lyrics are quite romantic to say the least, he’s also wanting me to play games with him—he’s overall very sweet and caring, he can pick on you a bit in a playful manner but he always apologizes and means it, the second boy I’ve known all my life—we used to have a really deep connection though things have changed after new years, why? I fell into a deep slump for a month or two so he replaced me with another girl, we had it pretty bad for each other—he’s given me his jacket to keep, his bandana to keep, he used to bring me lunch to school and he used to get jealous over me, he still gets jealous over me—I really like him, a part of me still does—me and him have started talking a bit more now, he called me last night at twelve am and when I called him back this morning to ask him about it he said his little sister had a question she wanted to ask me but she was asleep at the time I called him (11:30AM) which I don’t believe as she has my number and could’ve simply asked me, me and him talked twice on the phone today, we always say I love you after we go goodnight to all of our friends—I’m not sure if he says it to everybody after he ends a call with them but he does with me, the second time we ended the short call I told him I loved him and I’d talk to him later and I swear to god his voice changed or his breath hitched when he said it back, he’s sweet when it’s necessary, he’s a bit of a bully to me but I asked him to stop as it was messing with my mental health and he did, he’s holding these severely embarrassing photos over my head though which is something I can’t stand, he’s a bit of an asshole—but he’s caring when the moment strikes, what should I do?

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Wide-Area-6779
His mistress made him a better husband. I feel nauseous.
Ongoing
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: emotional infidelity, physical assault, verbal abuse, manipulation
Original Post Nov 22, 2023
This is a throwaway. I’m just nauseous and want to vent please let me do it here?
Everything changed about 3 years ago and my husband became my dream man. Before that, we suffered a lot in our marriage. After 2 hard pregnancies and PPD my libido was diminished and we fought all the time. After 4 years of dead bedroom we started therapy. I thought that was where the improvement came from.
My husband started paying attention to me. In the beginning I was panicking because whenever he paid me attention before he expected sex but now it felt like he was seeing me as a human being for the first time. He was attentive and caring. Emphatic. He touched and cuddled and kissed me out of the blue, without wanting sex in return. He started helping around the house, bringing me flowers, take out dinners when I work late, planning date nights. Anniversaries, birthdays and holidays are planned perfectly and I started getting the most beautiful and thoughtful gifts. When we fought, he would come the next day and admitted his wrongs and very accurately (if he was the one in the wrong) something he never did before. He would apologize too when back in the days him apologizing would be a blow to his ego. He said he was happy all the time and lucky to have us as his family. Everything was better and I even got my libido back if not as high as I hoped.
I found their conversation about 5 days ago and I have probably spent over 50 hours reading them. 3 years worth of conversation. He would tell her his woes and she would listen. 99 out of 100 times she sided with me. She taught him about intimacy and how important it is in marriages. The tragically funny part is that he never got angry or offended by her telling him off. Calling him silly, stubborn or at times man baby. Her honesty was brutal and yet he agreed with her. She was the one suggesting all the changes and he would ask her for advice about gifts, traveling and all the beautiful things he did for our family.
He thanks her all the time for helping him turn his miserable home life around, making it tolerable. With all these texts there were the texts between them that are about them like nobody else existed around them. The flirting, sextalk and pictures. The longing to see each other.
He says she is the love of his life every day and that he wishes their circumstances were different. She says the same. They both agree that divorce would ruin their families and that they couldn’t be that selfish. how admirable!
I feel nauseous. My happiness for the past three years was fake. I don’t know what to do. I want to hurt them. I want to expose them and I want to ruin whatever they think is perfect happiness
Hi!
I’m getting chat requests about my comments not being visible. Is this normal? I’m trying to answer you guys. Sorry
Hi again
Since I can’t comment and I can’t answer all the chats I will answer here
I am 35. My husband is 39 we have two children 9&7
She is 40 and she has one child 14. She is in a dead bedroom with her husband too and for 14 years.
The affair is physical too yes but they meet maybe once every month or every other month. She tells my husband that what they feel is probably limerence but that they don’t know it yet because they meet so little. She lives in another city
Update - My husband left me after I told his mistress’s husband about their affair. March 19, 2024
I was here some weeks ago, with my original post. I finally decided that I really should reach out to the husband of my husband’s mistress. I found him easily and I contacted him. He didn’t believe me at first and was rude about it and told me to go f myself. I hesitated to contact him again to be honest but after a few days I realized that I would too not believe a stranger just popping in my dms accusing my SO of cheating so I recorded my husband’s phone with my phone. Especially the messages where she’s sent explicit photos and stuff. I also went to the contact to show the number. He didn’t answer me the first day then he called me the c-word and blocked me. I thought well then, I have done my part and it’s on him if he believed me or not. Then after a week my husband came home angry and he yelled at me for exposing them. He asked me why I didn’t confront him instead, my problem was with him. I have never seen him yell like this then he packed a bag and left for about a week. I think he’s traveled to her.
When he got home he said that it was over. He said that he has been trying to make me happy for years and he’s done everything a good husband would do but still, nothing was good enough for me. I’ve made him miserable for years and instead of taking it out on him, I chose to hurt a woman and her child. He moved to his parents house and now he’s renting an apartment I have heard that he travels the weeks he doesn’t have the children to be with her and that she’s moving here soon when she gets full custody of her child.
I have not been feeling well at all. He has never spoken to me directly since he left and I haven’t seen him. He adamantly refuses to talk to me. Like I never existed in his life. I don’t know what I have done to deserve this treatment. I hate that they won.
RELEVANT COMMENTS

So basically your cheating ex is trying to blame you for him cheating. The delusion of cheaters.
You only informed the mistress's husband that she couldn't keep her legs closed to a cold breeze.
He had a right to know. Onwards and upwards.
UpdateMe

OOP

He didn’t blame me for anything. He doesn’t care that he cheated. He was only angry that her husband hurt her and her child.
Maybe my post was this convoluted that everyone here is thinking he is trying to put the blame in me? He doesn’t care at all. He just thought that I should have confronted him instead because he was the one who cheated on me.
I told everyone around us what he done and he doesn’t even care

~
List-and-dumbfound

The last 3 years of your marriage were a lie. You know that now. Who he is the person he treated you before his affair partner had to convince him to be good to you. He is not a good person.
Do they even really know each other? Like how it is to be around each other on a daily basis. They are genuinely dumb to think the list will stay with 3 kids around plus handling chores and day to day things of life. They have 2 custody battles ahead of them and divorced on top of it.
If he’s angry with you the next time you have to see him, ask him why? He got what he wanted. He wanted to be with her and now he is. So why is he angry that you gave him what you wanted.
It’s probably shame that he’s painted to be a cheater. Not he can’t manipulate the narrative and paint you as the bad person.
If what they won is each other? Let them have each other. They are both awful people so they deserve each other

OOP

He is not angry about the divorce. He is angry I told the husband instead of him because the husband hurt her and her kid

DrNefariousMcFarious

He’s not angry bc of that, he always assumed that if you found out he could gaslight you into thinking that it was somehow your fault or not happening, but by you telling the other husband, there was no getting around it.

OOP

No he is angry about me putting his AP in danger.. he gives zero fucks about staying in our marriage or not. He only was with me to help raise the children and probably wait for her to get rid of her husband. I am not trying to he dramatic here but the soon I realize the truth the better is is for me to move on I think

I want full custody of my children after he went and beat up his mistress’s husband within an inch of his life and ended up in jail. Mar 22, 2024
This morning I got a call from my mother in law that my husband has been in jail for the past couple of days and only got out this morning but the charges weren’t dropped. Apparently his mistress and her husband had another altercation last weekend and she ended up hurt again.
Now I want full custody of my children. He is out but charges are not dropped so it will probably lead to some punishment. I don’t know if family court would count this in case I want full custody and supervised visits. My mother in law was hostile when I told her this and she’s one of the people who have supported me so I am expecting some push back. I don’t care.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
inquiryreport

You probably should not have let your MIL in on this idea. Her first reaction is going to be that it will threaten her ability to see the grand kids and her son’s ability to be a father. Even if you think she is on your team have to assume she isn’t.

OOP

Yeah it was a big mistake

NEW UPDATE

He celebrated Mother’s Day with his mistress and her son May 12, 2024
Thank you so much for staying in touch and I am so sorry that I cannot answer your dms. I haven’t been active on Reddit and I have received tens of dms every day since my posts. I have been trying to adjust to life as a single mother. It is hard and especially the weeks I don’t have my children. Unfortunately, I could not convince court to give me sole custody even with my husband’s pending legal issues due to him not having any priors. He however succeeded to limit my family’s access citing parental alienation. I am not allowed my children around my family without supervision (MIL). All of this actions are temporary however until we get a court date. He is refusing to meet or talk to me for any reason besides texting about the children.
He is not in jail (for those who are asking) he has no priors so he is out. He will probably not be getting any jail time either but rather parole. Anyway, his mistress has secretly recorded some of the abuse she was getting from her husband and she has sole custody of their child now. She has moved to our city and she and her child are living with my MIL. Yes, MIL and from what I have gathered, she lives with my husband on the days I have the children.
Today I was out with my children and my friend and her children to have mother’s day brunch. I was the happiest I been for months because I got a bouquet of flowers and chocolate that is signed from my children (worlds best mom) and I knew that it was from my husband. Anyway when we arrived to the restaurant, there he was with his mistress and her child. They were celebrating mother’s day too. Her son was sitting between them and she had gift papers and flowers all around her on the table. I froze and wanted to leave but he came and apologized and said that he didn’t mean for this. She was crying and hugging her son. I wanted to faint because my children were so excited to see him and wanted to go inside and eat brunch with their dad. He told our children that it was mommy’s day then he asked me if I wanted her to leave so the children can have lunch with both of us. I just left with the children and took them to McDonald’s instead. He sent me a long text saying how sorry he was and how he wished that he loved me as much as I deserved and that he wished me to find love soon. He doesn’t regret our marriage and hope I don’t either because we got our beautiful children out of it that we need to raise and to not punish them because of what he did. Please let us not let our resentment of each other to spill out on our children. Let us promise to keep them happy and loved. Let us not use them as pawns. I asked him what I lacked that she has. A question that have been living rent free inside my head He said to stop this. This is futile. I insisted and I called him and he answered for the first time in months. I told him I wanted to know. No matter how harsh the truth was I can’t live without knowing. He said Mothing. I lacked nothing and she is not better in any way. He just loves her and loves himself when he is with her. He feels real and genuine happiness with her that he never felt in his entire life. I hang up and he texted I am sorry. This is the truth you asked for. You are not less than. You lack nothing. Please let us give our children the good life they deserve. Don’t hurt them to hurt me
I don’t know what I have done in my previous life to deserve this. The way he was with her. He never looked at me that way not even when we first met. I don’t know how to stop thinking about them. It is in my brain all day. I want full custody of my children and I will fight for it as much as I can. She will never be their step mother. Her custody is not finalized either and hopefully she will have to move back to her city so her husband can have visitation rights and she is out of my life. If my husband wants to move to be with her. My children stay with me.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
OOP told to be careful around the husband, and asked what his mother thinks

Well I am not stupid and he can record me all he wants because I was very calm and I genuinely agree that the children come first. Even her child tbh. But I know that she only had emergency custody of hers because of the assault but I know the rules here and she will probably need to move back soon because her husband has right to meet his son. In that case my husband can move away but he can’t have custody because I want a stable home for them. I don’t know why I am getting hate in my dms calling me vindictive.
I am very grateful to you and others who are mentioning that she is coaching him to say things. Of course! How stupid was I not to figure this out. From not talking to me for a second to being all nice and begging me to forgive him and to keep it amicable? Of course it is her. Even mother’s day flowers was probably from her.
MIL is very devastated about what happened and she visits me every day even when the children aren’t home. She said that she had to take her in until she gets her own place. No she is not allowed to meet the children and it is already decided and MIL is making sure this is not the case. I understand that MIL chooses her son but she hasn’t given up on me.
I have talked a lot with mom about what happened and no she doesn’t feel guilty. She said that it was different (of course it is🙄) hers was real love and dad’s ex was very abusive. I don’t know, I don’t believe in karma or anything but she said that she at least understands now how dad’s ex felt. I feel anger because some people win and some lose and I still love him very much. I regret exposing what happened. At least I could have had 4 more years together. And the children would have been a bit older. I regret so much things that I have done in a moment of grief and anger

OOP When told to be careful what she puts in text messages and once again be weary of the mistress

Thanks. I have been very careful about texting because as I am keeping all the evidence, I am counting on him doing that too. About his mistress, it is less “evil” than that because I was wrong about her recording the abuse. She stole the surveillance her husband had installed around their house to spy on her. MIL told me this today. She is probably hoping for full custody but I know the rules here and he will have right to see his son no matter so the c-word will have to move back sooner or later.
Only them I will be asking for full custody if my husband moves with her to her city because I don’t want a part time father to my children who shows up whenever he pleases. I want stability. He is either a father or not

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

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Here is what's on at the major venues this week.

dealing with a problematic member of a board games group
Originally posted to Ask A Manager
EDITORS NOTE: Changed Q to Quinn for easier reading
Original Post Sept 15, 2022
I wanted to write and say thank you.
I am part of a local board games group, and started to run the group a while ago. It’s a great group of people who all enjoy coming together to play board games and have fun, and it was one of the key factors in making my husband and I feel at home in the city where we live. We have both made friends with people in the group, and it’s now a firm part of our life here. In addition, a regular member who left recently said that the group was the highlight of his week, which was lovely to hear. I love running the group!
However, there is a member of the group, Quinn, who has been in the group since it started (seven years or more) and has been displaying problematic behavior since he joined (rude comments, refusing to play anyone else’s games, losing his temper at times, leaving games in a huff when he’s losing, and generally making the atmosphere unpleasant for others). When we joined, we were told that Quinn bothered everyone but was just something that was being in the group, so we went along with that. At the time, the group was very serious and inclined towards more serious board games, and only three people ever brought games. There has been a real change of culture since then, with a range of games being played (light games, traditional games, and heavy games) and everyone brings games now. The atmosphere is a lot lighter, with more emphasis on having fun and being social, and this is something that Quinn does not enjoy and has not adjusted well to.
When I started to run the group, I noticed Quinn’s behavior was having a terrible effect on the group (people not coming back because of him or doing anything to avoid playing with him, and his preference for playing games in reverential silence making sessions less fun for everyone). I also realized that some people were at breaking point with this and it might contribute to them leaving.
The deputy (Kelly) and I wanted to ensure that we did it fairly and using the right procedure. We gathered feedback on the group, (which was useful in itself!), which confirmed that Quinn’s behavior was an issue, and I spoke to him, named what we were seeing with clear examples, and explained what we needed to see change. Quinn said he would take it on board. Your scripts and language were very helpful, as Quinn takes things very literally and factually.
Quinn’s behavior improved for four weeks, which was great. Some people have put up with it for so long that no amount of change will make them want to play games with Quinn, but some people were willing to give Quinn a chance. Unfortunately, Quinn’s behavior started to slip after four weeks, culminating in a session where they almost put a new member off coming back by lecturing them about group etiquette and insulting their game shelves with what was meant to be a joke, but did not land.
I spoke to Quinn again and explained that since the behavior we discussed had returned, if this did not improve, we would have to ask Quinn to leave as the group is for everyone and I need to do what’s right for the group as a whole.
Quinn took the points on board and was visibly upset at the thought of being asked to leave the group. Since we spoke to them, they haven’t attended of the two sessions since then, but they are still chatting on our Discord channel and seem to be trying to make amends by promoting the group to a students’ group in the city we live in.
We don’t know what will happen, but Kelly and I have agreed what behaviors will mean Quinn will be asked to leave, and your scripts and posts were invaluable in thinking about how to tackle this, and what language to use. Your posts have helped me realize that being the group leader means that the buck stops with me. For example, my husband and I disagreed on how to handle the situation (he was in favor of asking Quinn to leave immediately) but I had the confidence to think it through, follow the process through fairly, and know that if it didn’t work, that responsibility would rest with me.
This isn’t related to work per se, but I wanted to say thank you very much for the invaluable and free advice which has really helped me in navigating this situation!
Update Apr 11, 2024
I am the letter writer who runs a board games group and used Alison’s excellent advice about communication to deal with a problematic member of the games group and the issues their behavior was causing.
We had a twist in the tale recently when Quinn, the member who was asked to leave the group because their behavior was negatively impacting others, asked if they could come back.
For four weeks every year, we use a different venue as another group needs our normal venue. One one of the four weeks, I went for a walk before the session and noticed what looked like Quinn in the park. When the session started, Quinn appeared, just “passing by,” and we had a quick chat about this and that before they asked if they could come back to the group, saying they were in a better place now. They then left without ordering anything, which makes me think they dropped in just to see us.
I said I would send a message, and gave it due consideration. I also asked a friend who knows Quinn and used to be in the group, but has now moved, for their more objective input.
The decision was no: the group is working well as it is, with high numbers and between 11 and 20 people per session, and Quinn coming back would lead to awkwardness and possible animosity from a few people, some of whom would speak their mind. We would also lose a lot of members, and the group would slowly decline. For what it’s worth, one person who had some very negative interactions with Quinn, when they heard why Quinn was there ( they were round the corner), exclaimed “No!” to Quinn coming back, and this person is one of the nicest people you’ll meet. Similar reactions were given from others.
I sent Quinn a message explaining the decision, and I was as fair and kind as possible given the circumstances. Quinn has found another games group, albeit one that only plays light games, (not heavy games, Quinn’s preference), and I mentioned that and said it sounds like a nice group (which it does).
Quinn was perfectly pleasant when we chatted, but that was for about eight minutes, and they knew what was coming. They also said that they weren’t often doing the things I’d mentioned anymore (moving other people’s pieces, and a couple of other examples I gave), and that although their new group likes light games, they are helping some people progress up to heavier games. It wasn’t clear if the people wanted to progress (one of the issues we had was Quinn assuming that everyone wanted to progress).
The games group continues to do well, with enough surplus each year to give everyone free sessions every January, and we receive frequent feedback that the atmosphere is friendly and welcoming and that people feel at home and confident to bring and teach their games there. Our annual Christmas potluck dinner and session with a Secret Santa also continues. We also have a Google sheet with people’s games collections, if they want to add them, thanks to one of our members who likes spreadsheets.
For myself, Ask a Manager continues to help me out at work! I recently applied for a job which would be a step up income wise and I used Alison’s tips, and I use the communication tips in daily life as well as at work. I was actually used as a bargaining chip in recent negotiations at work over a type of meeting that needs minuting (for my minuting skills), so I will take that as a compliment!
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Hello everyone. My boyfriend (M23) and I (F20) have been together for over 2 years. He is my first serious boyfriend, and he treats me so well. He has so many great qualities, and he is my exact type. We moved in together one year ago, and it’s been going well. We live in a very expensive area, which we are able to afford due to his well-paying job. He got me out of a bad situation with my family, where I wasn’t being fed properly and was emotionally abused daily. I have a better relationship with my parents now that I am out of that house, but I still need distance from them. My dad and I used to be extremely close, but now we rarely talk to one another. My mom and I talk weekly, so I’m glad I have that with her. My boyfriend has an amazing family. They are the family that I wish I was a part of while growing up. His parents are so sweet and supportive of us. His mom and I are like best friends, and I love talking to her. His dad is so helpful and always gives me good life advice.
My boyfriend introduced his uncle to me when we were one year into dating. I will call him Ned. I remember the first time I met Ned. I came over to say hello, and we made eye contact, and my heart was racing. I thought he was one of the most handsome men I had ever seen in my life. He and my boyfriend look so much alike. Ned has such a confident and attractive demeanor. He has a high-paying job and loves traveling and doing adventurous things. He has always been friendly to me, greeting me with hugs. He calls me cute and was making lots of eye contact the first time we met. Flash forward to a year later, and my boyfriend and I decided to move in together, and the area we live in is about an hour's drive away from Ned and his family. So when my boyfriend and I drove down with all our belongings in our cars, Ned offered for us to spend the weekend at his house and for me to meet his family. They live in a mansion and are very well off.
Ned has a pretty and cool wife, whom I believe is in her 30s, who is hardworking and has an amazing business. He also has two beautiful children under the age of ten that I adore. I hit it off with his family; they immediately reminded me of the family I want to have one day. The entire weekend, his uncle was making eye contact with me, calling me beautiful and cute. Flash forward to six months later. Ned visits my boyfriend and I at our place, where my boyfriend and I smoke with him and just relax and banter with one another. Ned kept going off about how much my boyfriend’s family loves me and how beautiful I am. Ned also brought up how big his thing is compared to my boyfriend, to which I gasped and looked over at my boyfriend, who was dying of laughter.
Flash forward to six months later. My boyfriend's entire family comes over to Ned’s house to have a boat day. Everyone was there except Ned's wife, and the entire time he was touching me by the shoulder and hand again, giving me alcohol, making lots of eye contact, and I even caught him looking at me, to which he looked away. He always comes up to me to start a conversation and get to know me better. He hands me glasses filled to the brim with wine and touches my hand so caressingly. I don’t think much of it, and while this happens, The morning of the boat ride, we get on the boat, and Ned introduces me to friends of his and once again gives me alcohol. My boyfriend is very close with his uncle, and they get along so well. Ned made a joke about how many fingers it takes to get inside a woman, to which my boyfriend just laughed.
I’m playing with his kids the entire time, and Ned comments that I would be an amazing mom and that I am so good with them. He took lots of pictures of me and the kids, as well as pictures of me when I wasn't looking. We get back to the house to eat, and I catch him constantly staring at me once again. My boyfriend and I then leave. A week later, Ned texted my boyfriend to go have sex with me so that he could use our streaming service to watch a game since we were using it, and this caught me by surprise. We went to visit Ned and his family a week later to watch a game, and Ned’s wife was there. Whenever she is around, Ned is not flirtatious with me at all and tries to cut conversations short. He still makes lots of eye contact with me, asks for my age, and gives me plenty of alcohol.
I think Ned’s wife notices him staring at me and laughing with me, to which she gives me dirty looks and makes rude remarks. I made an inside joke with my boyfriend, asking if he recognized some songs that were playing "in the streets," to which Ned's wife replied, saying I was trying to act "ghetto" and giving me dirty looks, which made me pause and go silent the rest of the night. We finally leave, and my boyfriend tells me that Ned was married three times and that his wife is not affectionate towards him and the kids that much, and she can’t relax. Ever since then, I can’t stop thinking about Ned. He is on my mind 24/7. He is twice my age, and I dream about him constantly and have sexual thoughts about him. I would never hurt my boyfriend and his family, whom I adore. But I can’t get Ned out of my head. What do I do?
TL;DR: I love my boyfriend, but I cannot stop thinking about his uncle, and I have a massive crush on him. What do I do?

Reposting!
So it's been more than 1.5 years Last we talked was 16 November 22 after that she ghosted me I tried reaching out but I was blocked from everywhere TBH I sometimes regret I didn't try much I only called her twice then boom! It's all over. Never moved on from her cut off all contacts to every female friend (except 1). I still love her and she will always have a place in my heart no matter who comes (I hope so) I am not angry or have any complaints I have always respected her. Still now I can't talk to women in a flirty manner I feel a sense of guilt like what am I doing (I tried making new friends) as a friend they are okay (sometimes even that makes me feel like I am cheating on someone) but when somebody goes beyond that my mind goes blank. Now here comes the twist: There is this girl who passes by my shop (I think she is junior maybe and she has a boyfriend) she just resembles her way too much (short hair, big beautiful eyes, Oval face, slim body everything) Tbh I find her beautiful I sometimes think of talking to her then again I feel like this is not me I can't do this shit. I was telling one of my friends that if this girl talks to me I might want to consider relationship again but the thing is after being this much cut off from everyone I don't know if I can love someone I just don't get the feeling of love anymore towards anyone be it a friend or this girl I am talking about I feel I am just attracted. I have become emotionally unavailable (I am saying this because So many people have told me people who knew me before said 'Tum bohot badal gye ho' and again there was this friend I was talking to she said 'tum emotionally unavailable ho teko care show krna nahi aata and rude ho and all' (she was a good friend). I don't know if even I should try talking to new people I just feel guilty after talking to them.
This was a rant and also some advice and suggestions are welcome. If anyone feels I am wrong here don't sugar coat your words.

TLDR; My partners family hates me and treat him horribly and I just want to keep myself away from them. I want to stay as far away from them as possible, but don't want to force my partner to as well, or leave him with all the backlash. How do I do it?
First I want to give a little background on the situation. Me (23NB) and my partner (23M) have been together since middle school. We just started dating and never stopped, and it's been great as far as just the two of us go-- we've graduated college, moved in together, plan on getting married when we can afford it, etc. I am extremely different from his family. They are very traditional; catholic, everyone has lots of kids, no one has moved more than an hour away without being shamed, everyone is married by late 20's, women stay home to care for the kids, etc. They're also very rich, with a huge house, paid foare paying for all their kids to go to college, that kind of thing. I'm not religious, child free, planning on moving to a different region when I can, raised by a single mother and low contact with my dad, difunctional/not close extended family for the most part, nonbinary, autistic. We were always surviving but frugal, got things like free school lunches, first cars were beaters or from family friends, that kind of thing. Most of my partners introduction to things like not affording vacations, normal sized houses, how to grocery shop efficiently/with a budget etc. were through me since he just hadn't experienced those things before.
For a long time those facts weren't really a problem, often glossed over or not mentioned. I now realize it's because his mother (And my extent his whole family) figured we'd break up during/after college and he would find someone more to their tastes (Outright said to my partner when I wasn't present). I always had the feeling she didn't like me, but it was always brushed off as my misinterpretation since she was so nice to my face. Again, I now realize this is just what she does, she is nice to my face and then complains to my partner after the fact. That is the majority of my problem. As mentioned before, I'm autistic, and I need direct communication to understand if they want something. My partner and I communicate amazingly, and we've both been on the look out for things I do that might be considered rude, but we never spot any, yet she always has some small thing I've said or done to complain over. In addition, I came out to his parents after much anxiety and deliberation. His mom talked through the whole thing, I didn't get to mention most of the talking points I wanted, she said I should "get therapy" and did everything but say directly that I'm a trans man who's confused and when I come out for real my partner will break up with me (As in she heavily implied with things like "Well, if this happened..."). They've proceeded to not tell any of the rest of the family (Which I feel nervous to do myself considering their reaction), have never used my proper pronouns, criticize the more androgenous parts of me such as my clothes and hair, and have generally just ignored that fact about me.
The straw that really broke the camels back is this last family vacation. I've only been to three of their vacations, but they go on at least three a year with the family (Mom, Dad, my partner, his three siblings, grandma, and sometimes the sisters boyfriends), and no less than five a year with less than that (So just the parents, parents and one kid, etc.) depending on who's available. These have always been rather hellish for my partner. He's one of the middle children and draws the short straw on everything. I saw it a little the first two times I came along, but really saw it this time. Ignoring his suggestions while listening to his siblings, ignoring problems that only effect him/us and telling him/us to deal with it (Ex. only our shower didn't work on this latest vacation, that problem was ignored while similarly annoying problems for others had to be fixed immediately), "If you want to do that, you can pay for it" comments while paying for literally everything else the other siblings wanted, being told he should be more grateful and positive when he simply removed himself from situations to avoid being upset. There was not a single event or day that went by without his whole family turning on him for every little thing. And, from as nonbiased a perspective as I can give, he never actually did anything to deserve the treatment. He just wanted to occasionally do his own thing, make suggestions, or remove himself.
That's where I need advice. After one last incident right as we got home of one of his siblings crying to my partner about how I'd been so rude and done so many "microagressions" (I'm using their words, the examples given were when I joked about a situation and when I asked them to open something for me I couldn't get), I never want to be around his family for extended periods again. They can't tell me to my face they don't like me, our lifestyles are apparently not compatible, I never know what I do wrong until after the fact, etc. But just because I don't ever want to see them again, doesn't give me the right to tell my partner he can't ever see them again, I feel. He absolutely wants to distance himself from them, but his mom's overbearing and insistent nature makes it extremely hard which I am understanding of, and holds out hope they'll chill out with time. Breaking up, telling him to just suck it up and block their numbers, or giving ultimatums are not things I'm willing to consider. The last thing I want to do is build resentment or let his family tear apart this very functioning, very loving relationship.

Trash, plates, toys, chicken bones and most recently a just finished plastic bowl of ice cream with chocolate sauce. one time their teenager threw something at our RV windshield and it cost $300 to repair but once again they said it wasn’t them. Our yard is only attached to theirs and the placement/force of the damage makes it extremely clear the direction it came from so I don’t know how they can deny it. It’s been on and off for over a year now and I’ve asked them to stop, talked to their mother and all she’s done is deny it, saying things like they didn’t even have chicken recently. We have dogs and I’m tired of having to limit their time outside to when we can supervise and constantly check the perimeter of the shared fence because of this issue. Aside from this they’re just generally rude to us even after I share garden goodies and eggs from my chickens. They called animal control on us (so frequently AC labeled it as harassment) saying we have roosters but we don’t. Many neighbors do though and it’s allowed where we live as long as theyre not a nuisance. Their dog is constantly barking all night and early morning and we never report them for anything because it really doesn’t bug me, it’s a small bark. Since I’ve tried talking to them so many times about the varied issues and it doesn’t improve I’m tempted to go straight to their landlord to start documenting issues since police don’t care. Is that out of line? If not what should my goal be? I was thinking about asking him to get them to stop or pay for a taller fence. We bought this house (and I love it) so we can’t just move and I know when I was renting I would absolutely listen to my landlord if my neighbor was afraid to come to me with a concern. What would you do? Thanks for input!

The reason I put this here is no one else in LGBT sub reddits cared so I’m sorry if this is not right to post here if it is than please point me where I can post this
So it might be hard to explain so I’ll try my best to help people understand but I’m kinda confused especially with stuff like love and my sexuality? I don’t know if this is exactly a questioning thing but I like woman and I guess could be considered a lesbian? ( saying this because I’m xenogender if I spelled it right) but I don’t know about love???? Here’s how I would explain it so there would be a character and I’m like “ DAMN THEY ARE SO COOL AND LOOK AWSOME I LOVE THEM!!!!” And stuff but I don’t know if I feel like “love” for a character like my brother plays stardew valley and he loves the character sabasion ( I’m sorry if I spelled that wrong) like he loves the character like love loves him and stuff the closest thing I THINK I had of love was with someone who ghosted me suddenly and ruined me but the thing is I only noticed after they left and I think it was more obsession ( normal thing for teens I guess) and it’s not like love
Another example is me and my brother and dad were at the store and my brother saw someone I think he found physically attractive and was all giddy and stuff it was all funny but got me thinking what love “”feels”” like?? I guess like is love supposed to have a feeling? I’ve said I loved people before like kids wanting to be my boyfriend for some reason but I didn’t really feel anything? Like I don’t want to be like a “ ugh fuck love” like I think it’s cool that people love others or things but is love supposed to be something? Not just saying? It had got me thinking about aromatic but I don’t want to be rude and just say I am Sorry if this is confusing I don’t want this to seem mean I’m sorry

I say "apparently" because... well... you'll see.
This happened decades ago now, back in primary school. I only remembered it because I was recently catching up with old friends from back then, and we got to laughing over old stories and then someone mentioned, "The wildest was when you organised that whole protest against our teacher."
"The time I did what?"
The consensus was I did, indeed, organise the entire class to rebel against our teacher that resulted in her being deposed and our class getting a "substitute" for the rest of the year. I almost fell out of my chair hearing this story from their mouths. It wasn't that I didn't remember it, of course I did--that year was awful. It was just that it existed very differently in my memory.
Two important pieces of background knowledge to understand here:

1. I went to a very very small, very very rural school. How small? Each classroom was composed of the entire year level, and the largest had at most 30 kids in them. My class/year level was on the smallest in the entire school, with a piddling 14 kids in it altogether. While we still had our cliques and factions, our small size caused our class to be very tight knit and protective of each other. How rural? The school building itself was incredibly small, but one thing we were not short on was gigantic empty fields surrounding us on all sides. Great for sports, great for (it turns out) student protests.
2. I was, at the time, undiagnosed autistic. I mean I still am autistic, I'm just formally diagnosed now. But back then I was just seen as being a very quirky kid. One of the ways this quirkiness manifested was that I really had trouble adapting to the rules and structure of grade school and how it differed from what I was used to. At home if I wanted to pee, I just went to the toilet. Now I have to put my hand up? Now I have to ask permission to piss? Then I went home and put my hand up to ask my mom for permission to pee and she told me I didn't need to! Madness! Chaos! I don't care what the rules are, please just be consistent!

But one of the main parts of my brain and the way it works is that sometimes my brain, separate from my will, would just make a decision about a course of action and I would very calmly commit to it come hell or high water. Like, it is vitally important that I stay true to this course of action. I can't explain it. It's like I set a rule for myself and if something disrupts that, I just shut down and stop functioning.
So when the school said, "Okay, when this bell rings during recess/lunch, that means you have to leave the playground and go back to class", I was a confused child already struggling with all these completely nonsensical limitations and guidelines imposed on me. So when that bell rang, I got that calm little voice in my head that said, "Hmm, no, I'm good out here actually. I don't think I will go back into class." So I would just continue to sit out on the playground, playing with my plastic spider toys or sitting on the swing. Teachers would realise what was going on and come out to get me and tell me I have to go back to class, and I would just very calmly hear them out and then smile at them and politely as possible tell them, "No thank you, I want to stay out here."
They really didn't know what to do with me. I wasn't getting upset, I wasn't throwing a tantrum, I wasn't yelling, I wasn't being rude in any way. I was incredibly docile and would let them explain things to me with endless patience and then just politely refute them and go back to what I was doing, like this was just a very normal and reasonable negotiation between two equal parties. I have memories of sitting on the swing while three very confused and flustered adult staff huddled around me trying to bribe me with candy to go back to class. It would take a whole lesson block to lure me back to the classroom, and then at lunch the whole thing would start over again. It took me three years at school to finally accept the status quo thanks to a religious nutter I got for a teacher, and finally went back to class when the bell rang (was never happy about it though).
I eventually settled into school life. Excelled at subjects I liked, at least passed subjects I didn't, followed the rules, was seen as intelligent and obedient and was often liked by my teachers. Until my final year, when we got the teacher I can only rudely monniker Mrs Bigmouth.
Mrs Bigmouth should not have been a teacher. She had a trigger temper and would explode into long, verbally abusive tirades against us if we ever did anything she felt was disrespectful behaviour. What was disrespectful behaviour? Damned if I know. It changed day by day, depending on mood. You could disrespect her to her face one day and she'd laugh and say you have such razor wit, and politely ask a question the next and she'd scream at you for ten nonstop minutes then give you a week of DT for talking back. The absolute peak moment of her boiling temper came when she threw a dictionary at a girl's head because she was whispering to me in class. When I tell you it missed her by half an inch...
But believe it or not, this wasn't what made her such an awful teacher. It was so hard to get teachers at rural schools back then, there was almost nothing you could do to get fired, so we had experience with teachers with nightmare tempers. What made her such an issue was her big mouth. She used us, her trapped audience, as free therapy. She would infodump, traumadump, about her very personal, very private life to us. All day. She'd be two words into a spelling list and launch into an extended story session about her marital issues with her husband. We'd be heads down doing fractions and, unprompted, she'd declare to the class that her adult daughter no longer talks to her and then diatribe to us about it until the bell rang. She had money issues, a contentious relationship with her parents, her marriage was on the rocks. She once pulled me aside after school and spoke with me, at length, about how she was thinking of having another child to try to repair her marriage. I was like, okay lady, I'm 11, about to miss my bus, and my house is a 4 hour walk on foot from here.
We weren't learning. We'd hadn't had a complete lesson since the first week of the school year. We were behind on the cirriculum and frustrated. One kid had brought a stopwatch into school and would time lessons vs her monologues and kept detailed lists, and we would come to school each morning and do betting pools on them. What subject would she interrupt, what would she talk about, and how long would it go.
But all that still wasn't the breaking point if you can believe it. No! Still not! The problem was it wasn't just her own private life she couldn't keep her mouth shut about. It was everyone else's. Because parents would make the reasonable assumption that she should be told things as our class teacher that would be important to know, and that she would understand these things were said in confidence. Instead she would veer randomly off in the middle of talking to us about her horrible weekend to let us know whatever private or traumatic thing was going on in a classmate's life that she had been made aware of. That was awful. That was what made that year hell. It wasn't even about when my secrets were shared with the entire class against my consent. It was watching the faces of my small, lovely, supportive class of 11 year old children go pale and scrunch up with held-back tears as things they never wanted to share were announced like morning news. God we hated her.
Then one day that voice came. The one I hadn't heard in years. The bell ring to go back into class and that voice said, "But I don't want to be in that classroom. I'm not even being taught there." So I just... didn't. I didn't go back to class. I just sat in the playground in a daze eating grass (don't eat grass, it's not good for your teeth). Despite how small my class was, I don't think Mrs Bigmouth even noticed I wasn't there. Others did though. Come lunch and everyone came out, my friends asked me where I was and I said, "Oh, I didn't go back to class."
"Why didn't you go back to class?"
"Why would I go back to class?"
Lightbulb moment for my schoolmates. Yeah, why would they go back to class? What was the point? From a practical standpoint, they weren't learning. From an emotional standpoint, it was horrible to be there. A friend who had had her family's dirty laundry aired to the entire class just last week, things even she didn't know because her parents tried to keep it from her, asked if she could sit with me rather than go back to class. I just stared at her, vacant and confused.
"Sure? I mean, I'm just eating grass though."
Over the next few days, two kids turned into four, turned into ten, turned into the whole class. The whole class was doing a sit-out protest on the field rather than go back to class. Of course Mrs Bigmouth tried to do something about it. She'd come out, screaming at us and threatening us with DT and internal suspension, but six months of that behaviour had totally vaccinated us against her. I'd become the de facto leader and spokesperson of the protest by merit of being the first to sit out and also because I was well known to not give a shit (autistic brain: I actually just frequently had trouble reading and reacting with the correct social behaviour but it gave me a cool and aloof bad boy mystique I guess). I gave her the exact same treatment from back in grade one. I would let her scream, let her holler, let her threaten, let her spittle rain down on me, and then I would give her a sweet and innocent smile and nod in acknowledgement and say, "No thank you, we're going to remain out here." And thirteen pairs of eyes would stare at her in total silence. No one, not even the most gobbermouthed little shite in the class, would volunteer a word. The unspoken agreement was all negotiations were my responsibility.
The thing about angry people is that they feed off conflict. They get you angry so they can respond with even more anger and it nourishes them. She had no absolutely no plan of action on how to deal with me patiently hearing her out then refuting her in the gentlest of terms.
Another thing that ended up helping down the line is that we made an attempt to conduct our own classes. I mean, they sucked and we didn't learn much because we were kids with no supervision, but it was really cute in retrospect. We'd have groups of people assigned to subjects, with some people bringing in words they found in a dictionary for spelling lists and others bringing in old 6th grade homework from older siblings. The heart was there and it served a purpose, if not educational.
"Okay, but how did no one else notice this was happening? Surely people would notice 14 kids sitting on the lawn, not in class?"
Rural school. Big. Empty. Fields. Even screaming at us, the most other classrooms would hear would be muffled voices, and everyone was used to hearing her yelling at us or taking us out onto the field abruptly to make us do laps as group punishment. Plus the way the school buildings were arranged was that it was actually all in one straight line of adjacent rooms, and ours happened to be at the very end of the building. No windows faced the field we all sat in except that of our own classroom. It was just a very lucky arrangement of coincidences and preconceived notions, at least for a couple weeks. I couldn't tell you the exact number, this was so long ago and as a kid I definitely had a more stretched idea of time. Minutes felt like hours, especially during that year. But there was definitely at least two weekends that passed by since the "sit-out protest" started.
Eventually someone cottoned on to what was happening, or maybe Mrs Bigmouth humbled herself and finally confessed to her boss that she had lost control of a bunch of 11-year-olds, so we were called into the principal's office to sort this out. As the representative of our class, I was of course chosen to attend the meeting, flanked by the girl who'd had the dictionary thrown at her head and my friend who was the first to sit out with me. Since I understood that this meeting was one where we were probably going to be yelled at for doing the wrong thing, a thing I had ample experience of, I felt like the easiest way to mitigate things (especially since I felt guilty for being the instigator) was to explain in a very rational and logical way the series of events that led up to our bad behaviour. As well, for my entire life my mother had always taught me that it was no good complaining about things unless you were also willing to think of solutions. "I'm hungry!" - "Well, what's a solution to that problem?" - "Uh, make myself a sandwich?" - "Great! Let's do that together!"
So what did I do? Of course, to make things as clean and concise as possible, I interviewed my class one by one to hear each individual story of why they didn't feel comfortable going to class anymore, itemised them under categories (Verbal Aggression; Interruptions of Lessons; Oversharing Student Life) for easier discussion because my little quirky brain loved itemising things, and then as a kind of olive branch came up with solutions (we wanted to finish lessons unhindered, we wanted our personal privacy to be respected, we wanted to be able to catch our bus on time rather than being held back with unfair DT or long "chats"). So many things sort of came together in this beautiful, wholly accidental way. We had months of records of timed rants and monologues, noted down to the millisecond thanks to that kid's stopwatch. We had records of us trying to teach ourselves during the protests, showing this wasn't us just not wanting to go to class but due to us feeling as though we did not have a class to go to. When the principal heard all this, her jaw it the floor. A lot of it was stuff she knew, peripherally, but things had just never been laid out so neatly before. Some of it was stuff we'd complained to parents about, but it was one kid coming home and telling one parent one time, weeks ago. There was no real sense, up until now, the sheer scope of her behaviour. She didn't even answer us. She just said, "Okay, I need to call your parents."
We got the rest of the week off school. That weekend, every parent of every student came to a meeting between them, Mrs Bigmouth, and the principal. Stories were swapped. My exercise book with my tidy little lists and the records of the betting pool and monologue times were confiscated and brought into the meeting. I don't know what went down, but when my mother came home she just told me that Mrs Bigmouth would not be our problem for the rest of the school year, and more importantly, that she was incredibly proud of me and that I did the right thing. Rarely in my childhood had my inability to integrate into normal society led me to doing the right thing, so I just remember crying and hugging and feeling vindicated about, I don't know, just existing or something.
So yeah. From the outside perspective here is what it looked like: I, the ringleader with a history of dismissing school rules, organised a sit-out strike amongst my class. I kept the protest peaceful and non-disruptive to other classes. When negotiations with the principal were finally arranged, as the representative I compiled a clear list of greivances, with evidence, and a list of reasonable demands. I mean, holy crap, yes, yes I clearly organised a student protest.
The actual results of it are mixed. We got a revolving door of substitute teachers of varying quality for the rest of the school year, occasionally being bundled into other classrooms entirely when they couldn't find someone. It wasn't a great learning environment and we continued to struggle a lot, but it was better than before. Mrs Bigmouth was not actually fired but put on leave for the rest of the school year, then returned and was put in charge of a different year level (which happened to be the class of the younger sister of a guy in my class: according to him, she was quiet as a church mouse that entire year so I hope at least she learned her lesson, or at least finally got divorced and went to actual therapy). The entire ordeal caused our already small and close class to become really really supportive and like family to each other and we all remain in touch until this day. And we became fierce about standing up for ourselves.
I kind of learned to parse the difference between when it was appropriate to go along with set societal rules even if I don't understand them, and when those rules were just straight up unreasonable and nobody should be required to follow them. I did, years alter, lead an actual (very small) strike at work but intentionally that time. My mother was proud of me then too. :)

I'm 31years old, 38 weeks pregnant. Took leave from my job and came to my mother's house to rest and have good food. Last time I came few weeks back, the atmosphere was so heavy. I learnt how my father has been abusing, threatening and hitting my mother all these years while coming off as such a beautiful, in love couple. I think I kind of knew but maybe ignored it or the hitting never really happened in front of me. Just words were being said, however harsh they may have been. I was depressed and was on medication for 4 years and never really could understand why. I came off medication at the end of 2022. But last time when I left home I was constantly crying and avoiding people and my husband for days. Anxiety started creeping in and I needed anti-anxiety medications. But I avoided it anyway as the baby could come anytime and just stayed at my home not moving and trying to come back to normal self. This time I didn't want to come but I'm getting delivered at hospital near my mum's house and thought I was in labour (but was not). Again I could see my father would say anything rude, telling her not to go out of house, not to talk to anyone, not to sleep, telling her works around the house, got 2.5quintals of wheat for her to clean herself, sitting outside, the temperature being 44 degrees. And she isn't allowed to clean it in morning when the weather is bearable. I saw him hitting her this morning outside and couldn't stop myself from screaming to stop. And all he did was took me inside and told me to speak slowly as he had a reputation in the area. That's it, that's what he cares about. I called my husband to take me away and I've decided never to return or talk to him. Anyway he was telling my mother why I'm visiting doctor or getting investigations sone unnecessarily. I visited doctor only 4times in my entire pregnancy and it is a high risk one. I'll ask my brothers to be around her so that he'll probably won't hit my mother in front of them. I don't know what to do.

The moment a lot of you have been waiting for is here!
A couple of notes before you read (or after because I would just jump into the list right away too)

1. Direct quotes from Ali herself are in italics.
2. I tried my best to keep everything in timeline order. Some people like The Come Back Kid I placed in the order where they reconnected/talked about on the pod. But I did my best to note this.
3. All this information came from the FMH podcast, the Patreon, the original FMH blog, TikTok and other podcast that feature FMH/Ali. I also crossed reference information with this sub. I got most of this done with the help of the Patreon and listening to 1.75x speed but I lost accessed to the Patreon because my subscription ended.
4. I'm open to edits! Things around the matchmaker era confused me and if anything is incorrect or if I'm missing someone, please let me know! I will note where corrections are made.
5. Some people don't have anything simply because only a name was said or I couldn't find any details about the person/date
6. And of course, please be respectful of all the sub rules!

Names on the original FMH blog

• Mr. Adorable aka The Coach
• Trouble
• Waffles
• Future Husband Brian (FHB)
• Cookie
• Peter Pan
• Ambiguous Goodbye Guy
• Bad Bitch Man

AOL chatroom Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok and on the pod once
Myspace Boyfriend
Mentioned on Tiktok
Third Boyfriend
Met on eCrush.com in 2002 and this was mentioned on the Cracked Up podcast, The Dave Glaser Podcast and Tiktok
The Kiwi
Met on a 2 week Model UN type youth trip in high school when Ali was 15, never a boyfriend but she had a huge crush on him, he tried to kiss Ali and she literally ran away, didn’t talk the rest of the trip but exchanged numbers and screen names (Ali’s was FineGal13 or BeachJewel760), she made him a mixtape cd called “Ali’s really cool mix for The Kiwi” but never sent it and she still has it. In 2021, he DM’d her when she posted photos of her and her mom in France and invites her to visit him in London, she says she can’t but says they should catch up if he comes to NYC
Fourth Boyfriend
Met on OkCupid when you had to use it on the computer, this was mentioned on Tiktok
The Homecoming Date or Light Switch
First boyfriend? (she goes back and forth calling him her first bf or a situationship), a family friend, a month younger than Ali, dated in high school but went to different high schools, football player, made him ask her to her Homecoming dance over email (her words), Ali hid in the bathroom the whole Homecoming dance, 3-4 revisits of this situations as adults, saw him on Bumble a few years ago and texted him that he had a typo in his bio, “he very much wanted to be with me” and now he’s married with a kid. His mom is still “obsessed” with Ali and she listens to FMH
Random college guy
Freshman year of college, Ali doesn’t have a nickname for him/doesn’t remember his real name, met this guy through a friend, was texting him to invite him over to hot tub but her phone autocorrected to “how about some hot rubbing tonight?” but Ali didn’t noticed/didn’t correct it and he never replied, Ali had a house party and got really drunk and was all over him, he left the party early, she messaged him on MySpace 3-4 times asking why he left
The Resident
Matched on Match.com, first guy she dated in NYC after college, older than Ali, a doctor, lasted 3 months ”maybe”, he didn’t like Ali’s friends, got a card from him on her birthday and it said “Love, The Resident” and it took Ali back a little, Ali drinks black coffee because of him, he coordinated having her mom visit NYC for her birthday then he broke up with her a week later
The Ghost
Met at a bar when she was 25, turns out they matched on OkCupid and they already had a date scheduled next week, they dated for 6-8 weeks, had sleepovers, “The worst ghosting experience I’ve ever had”, he borrowed The Great Gatsby from Ali’s roommate, planned to make dinner together after a beach trip in August with her friends and never showed up, Ali is blowing up his phone and gets no reply, two weeks later she finally texts “are you alive? check yes or no” and he responds “Yes”, Ali then ask if he could return the book and gets no reply again, 5 months go by and she receives the book in the mail with the note: “Here’s the book back. Sorry. P.S. sorry about last summer. I was in a bad place. You’re a great person and your salmon is amazing”, since then she has ran into him twice on the streets and matched with him on Bumble
The Coach/Mr. Adorable
First serious boyfriend at 26/27 in 2013, matched on Match.com or met through work depending if you’re listening to the pod or reading her OG blog, clean-cut look, played volleyball, Ali invited him to a friend’s birthday party and they made out in the streets at 4am, on their second date he asked Ali if she was seeing any one and when Ali said no he ask her to be his girlfriend 3 days after their first date, dated for almost 1.5 years or almost 2 years depending on if you’re listening to the pod or the Patreon, first time saying “I love you” to a guy, “lovely guy“, never would posted Ali on his instagram until Ali said something, he “lived” with her for two weeks while he was in between apartments, tried blind folding/hair pulling during sex and she didn’t like it, by the end of their relationship Ali didn’t like sex and thought she wasn’t a very sexual person, after they broke up Ali drunk texted him at 2am and he picked her up and she spent the night and she took her things in the morning in a rolly suitcase, from her blog in 2015: “I just want to be careful I don’t end up with another Mr. Adorable situation, where I find myself dating my platonic best friend”, had drinks with him in 2016 from the blog: “Not in a romantic way (at least on my end)”, Ali still talks to him sometimes through casual instagram DMs, he’s currently (as of 2021) dating someone for 4+ years and Ali thinks they’re going to get engaged
Trouble
OG 2015 FMH blog, never mentioned on the pod, “I was immediately enamored with him”, met at a Beer Olympic party but he worked with one of Ali’s best friends (Ali was still dating The Coach at the time), lived in BK, tattoos and stubble, Ali’s best friend said he was a “fuck boy”, “he very much made me see that it was the right thing for me and The Coach to not be together”, from her blog in 2015: “he has this look in his eye like he’s constantly laughing at me – in a super sexy way”, he texted her saying he didn’t see anything romantically with her and she sent a gif of someone shrugging
Personal side note: Ali has mentioned she has cheated on someone but never disclosed who she cheated on or with. I feel like she cheated on Mr.A/The Coach with Trouble because of the timeline. Just a guess.
Waffles
Matched on Bumble, OG 2015 FMH blog, he asked Ali fuck/marry/kill breakfast foods, dated 2 months around summer time, on Fourth of July while watching fireworks he said how they had a great day and Ali replied with something along the lines with “yeah, it would be better if I could call you my boyfriend”, he said he wanted a relationship but just not with Ali and shortly afterwards they stopped seeing each other
The Buffalo
Lived in Buffalo NY, 6’5, Scorpio, met in 2015 at Adults National volleyball (Ali’s team won that year) where he was heckling her while she was playing, asks Ali’s mom for her number and Ali’s mom said “I guess you’re tall enough” and told him to ask her himself, he flew her out and she met his parents, dated over summer, exclusive but never boyfriend/girlfriend (but called him her LD boyfriend on TikTok), texted and talked on the phone a lot, Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “they had really good banter”, in October he invited her to his cousins wedding and she invited him to her friends wedding, after Ali bought her ticket to his cousins wedding (with the promise he would buy her ticket to her friend’s wedding) he ghosted and stonewalled her, she “poured her heart out to him on voicemail” and he never replied, she asked him to pay her back for her ticket and he got mad that she “made this about money”, 2 years later he told Ali that he freaked out because he really liked her and saw a future with her but knew she would never move to Buffalo and it would “never work”, Ali said at the time she would have considered moving for him, Ali used to have him blocked on Facebook and told all her friends not to update her on info about him (unless she asked). He’s now married and goes to Disney with his wife (which Ali kind of scoffs at?), Ali said on TikTok that she dodged a bullet
Baby Bic
Met him at Adults National years ago, had a flirtationship with him in 2016 when he was 19 years old, ran into him at the Adults Nationals 2021, last texts she got from him were about getting his fake ID taken away at the bar and him visiting her in NYC but Ali didn’t want to buy him beer and drink at her apartment
The Chef
Matched on Tinder around 2016, he loved karaoke, “total shit”, asked Ali to be his girlfriend and to meet his mom after a month, off and on dating, broke up the first time because he was talking to his ex, lied and flew to Mexico to see his ex while dating Ali, that ex sent Ali a Snapchat of them in bed together on that Mexico trip, Ali broke up with him via text and called him a shitty boyfriend, he’s the reason Ali deleted her Snapchat because of drunk Snaps he would send post break up, FB messaged Ali 6 years later (while Roark was visiting/staying with Ali) and said sorry for being a shit head. Ali’s best friends hated him
The Dentist
Met on Halloween in the wild, Canadian, dated NYE 2016- May 2017 “nice guy, not my guy”, one of Ali’s best friend’s favorite ex “he adored you, “he was too sweet for me” and “he had no edge to him”, he painted Ali’s cat for her 30th birthday but she was annoyed it was just Rory and not both cats, The Chef texted Ali while on a date/sleeping at his house
ASV - Aspiring Sober Vegan
Met through a friend (her best guy friend’s college roommate) the day before she had to fly out to her dad’s memorial, a doctor, into meditation, remembered him “being cuter” when they went on a first date, felt “the spark”, had “omg this is awesome sex”, Ali described this relationship as a “slow burn” and “the most attracted she ever been to a partner” even thought she didn’t think he was that cute in the beginning, dated 2-3 months before he tried to ghost Ali but they talked and broke up, four months later they start casually dating/FWB because he’s moving but this turns into a ‘middle distance relationship’ and he moves to Philly, had a lot of communication issues but didn't have a lot of fights, wants to live in Ohio and give a % of his income to charity, Ali was close to saying ‘I love you’ but didn’t, he uninvited her to meet his extended family and they got in a fight, broke up with her a couple weeks before their 6 month anniversary at the park while on a picnic and told her that she’s still his favorite person, Ali used to think he was “the one that got away” and would frequently have dreams about him. From what Ali knows, he's sober but not vegan
The Scientist
2017 or 2018ish, from San Diego, went on one date, Ali ended up ghosting him due to the decline in her dad’s health, saw him on Hinge while she was in San Diego for 3 months in 2020, texted him and apologized for ghosting him, ended up going on 2-3 more dates, took a selfie in front of his house and sent it to him but acted like she didn’t know that was his house and made a TikTok about it, things ended up not working but she doesn’t make it clear on who ended it. She can now see she shouldn’t have been going on dates during this time when her dad was sick.
Good on Paper Divorced Dude
Met a couple of years ago (she told this story on TikTok in 2020) on Bumble
The Groomsman
Met at her friend Ashley’s wedding in Chicago Oct 2019, had a “two night stand” with him, texted/talked/FT’d for 3-4 months, divorced, never dated seriously/FWB, saw each other a couple time when he came to NYC, Ali stopped talking with him due to FMH and her trying to find a serious relationship, he starts dating someone, follows FMH on insta, slid into her DM in 2022 and then sent her soup while she was sick, turns out he’s single again, 2 months later Ali is heading to Chicago and texts him “Hello! Reminder that my arrival to your neck of the woods is imminent” and turns out he is now seeing someone and Ali doesn’t see him while in Chicago (at least she doesn’t mention it)
Unnicknamed person
He was her plus one at her best friend from college’s NYE wedding 2019/2020, met and hung out with Ali’s mom, posted photos of them together on her personal Insta story, “fully dating but weren’t official hehe” doesn’t have a nickname/never gave him a nickname? This could be The Latvian/the person she texted her friend in DC about saying “I think I’m on a date with my husband”

Starts FMH on January 2020 on Instagram/TikTok

The Traveler
He was browsing Bumble while Ali was in the bathroom during their first date, he was banned from Bumble and was using his grandma phone number. Ali turned down a second date
The Duke
Early FMH, went for long periods of time in between texts, 7-8 Zoom dates while Ali was in San Diego and he was in NY, Ali said you could see three of his ex’s on his instagram page (without scrolling), they finally went on one date and it was “meh” but they did kiss on their date
The Oyster
Matched on Bumble (he had one photo and no bio) two weeks before Valentines Day, Gemini, a lawyer, part of the 13 First Dates in 30 Days series (he was #13), dated Feb 2020-Aug 2020, love bomber, felt “the spark” and became official after 3 dates, best first date ever??? at the time, said “I love you” to Ali after two weeks, “For most of my relationship with The Oyster, he didn’t live in the city he had moved to Connecticut without telling me”, would fight all the time, opposite political views, Ali felt like a “fucking summer camp director” because she planned all their dates and he would get upset if Ali didn't have a plan, sought out a therapist (Megan) because of her relationship struggles because of him, went to Mass/church, he wanted a traditional marriage/life/wife/kids (at one point had Ali thinking she wanted that), didn’t want to live in NYC, didn’t support BLM, Cindy hated him
The Pilot
Went on 3 dates, texted a lot, didn’t hear back from him in four days and when she said she was looking to date someone who showed more consistency, he replied saying he met someone the day after their last date who seems to have more free time than Ali and he wants to pursue that but would like to be friends, Ali said on TikTok that this other women “bent her schedule to his schedule” and she was unwilling to do that. Mostly talked about him on TikTok
The Analyst
Matched on Bumble two years ago and went on one date, re matched in 2021 and he stood Ali up, she send him a text “getting stood up” script and he never replied. Only mentioned him on TikTok (?)

Ali and Roark start FMH: The Podcast February 2021

The Boomerang
First date on the pod? I couldn't find anything else about him
The Scuba Diver
The Music Man
One date, “he didn’t do anything wrong, he’s just not for me”, amped up small talk, complimented Ali a lot which made her feel awkward cause she wasn’t feeling it, he texted her and asked for a second date and Ali sent the no ghosting script
The Bet
Uses the phrase “ok bet”, 28 years old shoe designer, only went on one dinner date to a spot he picked, turns out its cash only and he didn’t bring cash, was not into him , not looking for the same thing
The Dinosaur
Nickname was previously The Hawaiian, first date at Dinosaur BBQ, stood in a parking spot to save for Ali, he asked for a kiss after their date and Ali declined saying maybe next time
The Rose
He sent her a rose on hinge, first date was an hour long walk in the park while drinking beer
The Comic
Matched on Hinge, older than Ali (Ali’s friends express how happy they were to hear that), had brunch on their first date (was the first part of a double header but the second guy canceled), listed as “moderate” politically on Hinge, good and easy convo, went back and forth twice over text and then never heard back from him, “technically not ghosting...”
The Camper
Met in the wild at a volleyball tournament in July, lives in Chicago, 27 years old, hung out the whole time, over heard Ali asking someone to get her a make out partner, gave Ali his number, drunkly ask him for a FT date in the future and he didn’t reply, Ali texts him again about a volleyball thing and he replied back with not a lot of enthusiasm, Ali is going to Chicago in Sept for a volleyball tournament and she’s already planning on playing 4-on-4 with her best friend vs. his roommate and maybe The Camper, he texts her saying he has to work on the date of the tournament and won’t be able to do the 4-on-4 game, “I feel like I got broken up with someone I never want to date in the first place”

Ali’s Matchmaker contract starts in August 2021 - 6 matches

The Schmoozer
Went on a dinner date, was chatting up the waitress in a kind of creepy way, was bragging about a lot of things and it turned Ali off and Ali texted him her no ghosting script
The Accountant
1st matchmaker match, 31 years old, lives in BK, his dad has also passed away, easy to talk to, on the third date she wasn’t sure if she saw a future with him and in her gut doesn’t feel like this would be a slow burn, Ali breaks things off with him, months (?) later he sent Ali a 5 min long voice memo and they said they were both down to see each other as friends. He later on dated and ghosted Erica
The Aussie
Matched on Hinge, in politics, from Australia but lived all over the place, asked Ali what she’s looking for on the first date and he said he’s “casually looking for something serious”, Ali accidentally walks up to a different person on their second date, Ali texts him saying she would love to see him before he leaves on a trip and she wasn’t happy that it took him till the next day to reply and he can’t see her before he leaves
The Goalie
Was supposed to be Ali’s 2nd match, he’s a paying client, Ali didn’t hear back from him for a while when she told him where she lived, he wrote to the matchmaker saying that she lived too far away even though it states where she lives in her matchmaker profile
The Journalist
2nd matchmaker match, ended things because she was dating/pursuing things with The Discoball and paused her matchmakers matches

The Threepeat
Matched multiple times on dating apps but this recent time with Hinge, Amazon seller, first date was a pizza lunch date (with bubbles aka champagne) and he gave her a single yellow carnation, talked a lot about her “side hustles” aka her food blog, coaching, FMH and the pod (Ali didn’t mentioned the name on FMH), had an awkward half kiss during the date and then gave her a peck when they said goodbye, he had no night stands by his bed?, spent the night but told public pod they had a movie night, different kissing styles, 6 dates, broke things off with Ali two days before her first date with The Rower WHILE Ali was on a Halloween girls trip
The Rower
Dated from Halloween 2021 till early Feb 2022, Pisces who is 6 days older than Ali, has an ex-fiancé (they dated for 8 years, engaged for two of them, she broke off the engagement with him 1.5 years ago once he started dating Ali), has a shared dog with this ex, slept together around Xmas on the fourth date and Ali got a UTI, first time having “omg this is awesome sex” since ASV, first person Ali slept next to wearing an eye mask "that's a big step for me", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, on New Years Day told her that he sees “long term relationship potential” with her but doesn’t want to be exclusive after 5 dates, “we didn’t talk all week”, he said he wasn’t as ready as he though to date someone seriously and “I don’t know why I don’t want to be in a relationship with you” they broke up over the phone, Ali said he’s a good human and wants to date someone like him, 3.5 weeks later Ali drunk texted him at 3:00 am saying “its really hard not to talk to you” which Ali said was a lie, he replied back (few days? A week later?) while Ali was on another date and it made her cry a bit, she replied back saying “the door is closed but not locked” in regards if he wants to get back together. “Fin… for now”

2022

The Discoball
Matched on Hinge but didn’t go on a first date for two week, Gemini, used to be a singer in a band, moved from DC to NYC, went on 7 dates in 2022, had a dog w/ ex and ex got full custody once he moved, met one of his friends on the second date, slept with him on the second date “morning and night”, he tried to find the podcast without knowing the name, podcasted from his house in DC, he would send Ali photos of them together “all the time”, gave a virtual presentation from his hotel room, did Molly together in DC, had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, moved to BK (didn’t see each other for 2 months pre-move), had a sex-less sleepover (a milestone for Ali), he showed up for her on her dad’s death date (something that a person she’s dating has never done), used to listen to the pod but stopped before they stopped seeing each other, ghosted her after they had a talk about moving things forward to exclusive and Ali texted him something along the lines of “your silence is the answer” when she didn’t hear back from him for a week and he ghosted her. Ali said he sucks in #77 AUA
Lisbon
The Brit
M&M
The Come Back Kid
They went on 2-3 dates in Nov 2018 and reconnected in May 2022, "felt immediately comfortable", sat next to a very drunk lady on their second 1st date and was supportive but "didn't step on Ali's toes" when the drunk lady said something offensive to Ali, couldn’t remember if they slept together or not, knows about FMH, ghosted Ali
The Trainer
The Cold Brew
The Nomad
3rd matchmaker match, reminded Ali of The Oyster, wanted kids and didn’t want to live in NYC forever, Ali was upset at first because her matchmaker was supposed to screen for that but the matchmaker DID check and it wasn’t mentioned when she was screening The Nomad, no second date because those are dealbreakers to him
The Catcher
Matched on Bumble, “good not great” after their first date, ~April 2022, talked about sports a lot on their first date
The Gentleman
4th matchmaker match, knew about Ali’s FMH socials before their date, Ali didn’t like his texting style, awkward intro on their first date “like hugging a 2 x 4”, he runs a dating event company and actually email Ali to be a guest on the pod when FMH first started, awkward goodbye, didn’t discuss the actual first date on the main pod because she doesn’t want to give him a reason to reach out again
The Tennis Pro
Ali had a good time on their date, “He is an adult, he’s mature” BUT “I don’t think he was into it”
The Padre
Matched on Bumble, 3 dates, from San Diego, “energy mismatch”, doesn’t want to know or listen to FMH, no psychical connection/kiss, only a kiss on the cheek on their last date, “I haven’t spoken to him since Friday night [a week]”, she didn’t want to do what The Threepeat did to her (break up while on vacation/traveling), she said it might be a MOO

Roark leaves and Erica joins the pod Oct 31st 2022

Captain Kirk
5th matchmaker match, found him on Bumble before their in-person date, ghosted Ali AND the matchmaker???
6th matchmaker match
Last match and Ali states she will not talk about this date or anything about it
JFK Kirk?
Matched on Bumble, didn’t realize he’s located in SD, exchanged personal instagram info, not sure where things went or how things ended

Kirk #1
Met in the wild, make out a lot the night they met, “stealing kisses throughout the night”, exchanged numbers, planned a date (no specifics, just the day) but when Ali texted him day of he asked to reschedule (no specifics again), he replied back that he’s picking up a rental car, told him she’s looking for someone to respect her time and he never replied back

2023

The Falcon
First date of 2023, matched on The League, first nickname was “League Kirk”, hard to talk to, felt like Ali was always reaching for the next topic, likes to travel, “there wasn’t a vibe”, MOO
The Roommate
Used to be her friend’s roommate and have met before (Ali doesn’t remember but it was the day after that exclusive convo with The Rower), “totally cute”, reunited at their mutual friend’s engagement party January 2023, made out at the bar, comes back to her place and sleeps over (no sex), Ali questions why her friends never set them up and its because he was taking a break from dating, first date they made out a lot at the bar (again), “I really felt like we were already a couple”, “It didn’t feel like a first date”, mentions her FMH content has popped up on his FYP, tried texting him after their date and he wasn’t giving effort, she’s glad she didn’t sleep with him because “one night stands aren’t my thing”, MOO
The Belgian
Matched on Bumble, accidentally had their first date during a trivia night at a bar, easy to talk to
The Viking
Ali forgot they had a first date on the day of said date
Tinder Man
Matched on Tinder (duh) on Valentine’s Day, first Tinder date in three years, good convo on first date but got a pushy vibe from him at the second bar they went to, put his hand up her sweater and was kissing her in the bar, made Ali uncomfortable and she told him that after her asked her on a second date
The Historian
Matched on Bumble, good conversation on the first date with a wide range of topics like “urban planning and its impact on feminism”, he’s in grad school
The Georgian
Matched on Hinge, he asked if she was free on Friday and she said yes but didn’t hear back from him in two days and in that time she made plans for Friday, rescheduled for a Saturday afternoon date at a dive bar, ate on her way to her date “it would be next level rude to eat on the subway”, good first date, talked about places he wants to take her to
The Publicist
Matched on Tinder, lives in BK, Jewish, one year younger then Ali, good first date, invited him to the Chaotic Singles Party that night, came over to Ali's apartment (which Ali said was messy) before and he made her favorite cocktail for her, a couple of listeners met him at the CSP, goofy and silly convo mixed with deep and serious convos, second date was at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens and a tasting menu dinner, he made a Resy reservation and Ali got an email saying she was added to it ”fuck receiving gifts, THAT’S my love language”, he's into words like Ali, he sneezed and Ali said "God bless you" but then corrected herself and said "gesundheit" and he leaned over and kissed her and said he loves that she cares about her words, he met her friends on the third date ”It felt so easy. It felt so comfortable”, her friends took “sneaky” picture and videos of them together which Ali said she loves a sneaky pic, took all their date recap videos on his phone, cooked Ali steak on their fourth date, "it's very comfortable", had him watch 90 Day Fiancé, Ali met two of his friends and some of his teammates he plays a rec sport with, had sex the day they took a trip outside of the city, Erica met him before their trip to Greece and I said “he’s dorky in a good way”, WhatsApp video chatted while in Greece and told her “see you in two days!” at the end of their call, said she felt less anxious about him compared to other relationships while on vacation, sent him a birthday present while she was in Greece, felt an energy shift coming back from vacation and didn’t hear back from him 3 days after she came home, Ali requested a call to talk about this distances she was feeling, ”I did the 12 date rule and it didn’t work!”, she said the distance help her see that they’re not compatible, went on a total of 9 dates. Ali talks about the “break up” on episode 123
Mr. Chaotic
Matched on Tinder but he saw Ali at the Chaotic Singles Party and Cassidy the host is there mutual friend, went to a brewery and played games on their first date (Ali said this was her favorite first dates in episode 147 where they recapped 2023), works in entertainment industry, very high energy, knows about FMH and he said she's entertaining to watch, splits his time between NYC and some unknown city, texted while she was in Greece, ”The man gives good texts”
Random Matchmaker Match
Withdrew his match to Ali because he found her FMH socials. Talked about on #71 AUA
Gone with the Wind
Matchmaker match, said some gross things about women in volleyball outfits on their first date, Ali told her matchmaker about this, ”I would describe him as misogynistic overall”, Ali was glad he did say those weird things so early on so she didn’t waste her time, the matchmaker flagged his account. This was around June 2023
The Rock
Ali knows him from an activity that they used to be involved with in the city (she's very vague about what this is) from 8 years ago, he had a very serious/long term GF when they met, follows her personal Insta, has never talked about him because he’s never been a “prospect”, summer 2023 they met up to catch up and found out that he’s now recently single but he’s moving out of NYC for work, Ali texts Cindy saying she thinks this is a date, Cindy said to tell him that you really want to kiss him, he ends up telling Ali “I really want to kiss you”, made out at the bar, Ali invited him back to her apartment and they had sex the night before Ali ended things with The Publicist, “one night stand vibes” but she said she was down to do it again, Patreon only and talked about on #75 AUA
The Tourist
Matched on Hinge, just moved to Brooklynn, went to a brewery in BK for their first date, Ali showed up to the date dripping in sweat, allergic to cats, he sent Ali a ‘no ghosting’ text the next morning
The Stout
Matched on Bumble, ”we had really great banter right away”, laughed the whole time on their first date, talked about going on a second date during their first date
Speed Racer
Matched on Bumble, drinks first date, axe throwing second date, made out after their second date, MOO, randomly texted Ali ~6 months later because he said one of Ali’s date recap videos about him popped up on his FYP (Ali and Erica think this is a lie), he thought Ali wasn’t into him, he claims he was doing all the work with texting even though there was only a few messages since they exchanged numbers after their second date
Billy Joel
Recently sober, Ali said she felt like they had several inside jokes before they met in person, ate pizza on her way to their first date, second date was getting coffee and going to the museum, they cooked dinner together for their third date at Ali’s apartment and they watched 90 Day Fiancé (he didn’t like it), he Googled how to clean a red wine stain when it spilled on her countertop, he asked if she wanted to have sex and she turned it down, the next day/the day before a 7am flight Ali booty called him and they had sex, she was drunk and said the sex wasn’t good/they stopped mid way, helped Ali pack for her flight, Ali said he’s at a crossroad and he doesn’t seem like a long term fit, Erica found a condom on the ground while cat sitting, Ali said she didn’t regret hooking up with him but wishes she hadn’t done it, MOO
Sales Cycle
30 seconds in and Ali said he was very boring, only really talked about his job, stared at Ali’s boobs, “might be a MOO”, texted her ‘merry christmas’

2024

Pie Guy/Dr. Laundry
Matched on The League, 34 years old, requested a nickname change from Pie Guy to Dr. Laundry, he had to cancel their second date because he got hit by a car, went on two dates, Ali sent him a pic of his subway stop saying something along the lines of “the stop isn’t looking as cute today” and turns out someone he dated with in that photo, were supposed to go on a third date the night she got back from a bachelorette party but he didn't answer her text when she said she landed, the next day he asked her how her trip was not acknowledging her previous text at all, Ali expressed her disappointment and he replied that he was tired last night, she said she would've been understanding if he said something then ghosted her
Andddd I stopped listening to the podcast around the Dr. Pie Laundry Guy but have stayed up to date with everything via this sub.
I have a huge interest in dating culture, human behavior and data similar to Ali and this little project of mine was really interesting once I got the framework of this list. I started this list once I found this sub in December 2023 and started re listening to the Patreon while working out (and lost 10 lbs ayeee) and writing down information in my notes app. I did my best to keep this list unbiased and just give facts and information that was said.
My own thoughts after making this list is that I'm very sad for Ali. I didn't realize the extent of her dating history. I think about my own dating history or even my friends who are in their 30's and dating and Ali's dating lore runs so deep. Is Ali unlucky with love? Did she pass on someone that could have been great for her? How has she had so many dates with little success in a long term partner or even going beyond 6-8 dates? Or is Skyline the person she has been waiting for? What's the pattern with all this dates/men? So many questions.
I truly do hope Ali finds her guy because I believe theres someone for everyone. Until then, I'll be hopping into this sub (cause y'all are too funny and give the best advice) and waiting for Ali to find Mr. Height.
Enjoy and I look forward to everyone thoughts! I'll keep my eye out for any edits that need to be made.
Bonus quotes:
“Longest relationship was a little under a year and a half. Haven’t made it past 6 months with anyone else” - AUA #7 11/27/21
“I spent the first 10+ years of my dating life being sort of perennially single” -1. The Actual First One episode 2/21/21
"I think my parent's story is the reason why I think that I can romantically get back together with an ex and it'll work out" -The Dave Glaser Podcast 4/5/21
“Almost every relationship I’ve ever been in, with a couple of exceptions, started as a situationship.” -21. The Undefined One 7/11/21
“All of my boyfriends have been white” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“You definitely need an older guy” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“I’ve been on the dating apps since high school. Dating websites at the time” -Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Who would be the perfect man for Ali?”
“Clearly a combination of the The Dentist and [the early stages of] The Buffalo” -Cindy on Ali’s BFF Special on Patreon 4/23/22
“Do you consider The Rower or Disco ball to have been situationships?”
“No, I don't consider either The Rower or The Disco Ball to be situationships” -question asked on TikTok 11/9/22

I know the title sounds a little out there but hear me out.
I little background information:
I (18f, fun, sexy) have an ex ‘coworker’, I couldn’t come up with a stupider name for her if I tried so let’s just call her B (19f, short, lame)
I’m from a pretty rough neighborhood on the east coast and my life was just starting to improve when the person who was helping me (deceasedF) was brutally murdered in front of me. This put me in a bit of a pickle and had heard B (not her real name) might be able to help me out, so I went to California to seek her out. (This will become important later)
When we first met I was hoping we’d get along being in the same rare line of work but she was standofish and seemed annoyed by my presence. Her mom, let’s call her June (45f, divorced) and her friends R(19f, nerd) and Alex (19M, horny) liked me from the start. I’m no expert but I think she was jealous.
She did help me take care of my problem though and I decided to stay as I had nothing better to do. I tried being her friend and sometimes she was cool but also she was always so judgy and self righteous and bitching and moaning about her problems. She had a really nice life like a mom who loved her and friends and a nice house so it was pretty annoying for someone like me as I was orphaned and homeless and new in town.
Sometimes we worked well together but she often disagreed about how I went about our job, my attitude towards stuff, etc. We had several falling outs because of her holier than thou schtick and then her equally annoying (previously ex) boyfriend, ‘Liam’ (200 somethingM, big forehead) showed back up and she was obsessed with him even though dude was as celibate as a monk.
We got into a couple fights but we’re able to kind of patch things up. Then some things happened (not really important) and We started fighting a lot physically. eventually I went to work for someone else and she wasn’t happy about it, even though this job treated me way better. She wasn’t even happy for me that I no longer lived in seedy motel.
Anyways eventually she stabs me and puts me in a several months long coma all because I ‘poisoned’ her ‘boyfriend’ ‘Liam’ (well some Other stuff happened but I don’t think that’s relevant) And to add insult to injury she then straight up exploded my boss/loving father figure(150m, politician) all because he was a little bit evil.
So when I got outta the coma I was wicked pissed at her ngl and the kicker was the boy she tried killing me for, they weren’t even together anymore. What a joke. Everyone in town had basically moved on as if I never existed.
So I took her mother, June (45f) hostage, but I didn’t even really do anything. I honestly liked the lady. I mean okay, I guess I kind of punched her and threatened to kill her with a knife (but I wasn’t actually gonna hurt her) AND that was only me adding a little flare to my monologue. I was trying to make a point. Plus I needed to lure B to her house. So then B comes in all smug about it and then starts throwing a fit, like usual. Always looking to start something. So we start fighting.
I’ll admit this is the part where I might be TA:
I had the opportunity to swap bodies(as one sometimes does) and there was a warrant out for my arrest and the only person who cared about me was dead. I wasn’t really interested in going to jail (not really my scene) and I was still really pissed at her. So i took her body and yeah, she was stuck with my miserable existence, but she’s good at solving problems so I figure she’d be fine(and my body is way hotter than hers so really who was the winner there?) Plus, she’s kind of a stuck up bitch and maybe seeing what it’s like being me would be a good lesson for her. Life’s not fair. It was fun at first pretending to be her and have all the stuff I never had. But everyone treated me so nicely it honestly started to freak me out.
I’ll admit I probably shouldn’t have slept with her new boyfriend(24m) and was kind of rude to R’s (19f, dweeby) friend T(19f, lesbian, speech impediment). But she did get her body back in the end and I helped save some people(Christians) when I should have been on a plane out of the country so I feel like everything kinda worked out???
I don’t have family or friends to ‘blow’ up my ‘phone’ but I feel this thing it’s like I feel bad for the stuff I did? But like idk am i really AITA?

Am I the A-hole for not wanting to invite my boyfriend's (future husband) brother or his wife to my wedding?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months and have talked about getting married and have a date set for 2026. Up until recently I had no problems with his family and they all seem to love me as much as I love them. His brother, however is a complete a-hole. We will call him Jack. Jack has an ex wife and a daughter from that marriage, we will call that daughter Mary, he is now married to a new woman and they have a son together. He treats Mary very poorly as she is 15 and diabetic. He won't buy her special food and gets my boyfriend and I to pick her up from her sports practices due to "lack of gas" in his car but will ask my boyfriend to go to Costco for him and get a very specific brand of cheese and chocolate ice cream for his wife because she had covid-19 and hasn't had her tastebuds back, at tax time he bought a $4,000 hot tub for his wife per her request while he needs a new car. He has also asked my boyfriend for money because he needed gas but then asked the next day to go to Costco for his wife. Also the son, he will only eat hotdogs and chicken nuggets so that's what Mary eats as well. No veggies or fruit unless she is at MIL'S house.

In the 7 months that we have been dating but 6 years that we have known each other, I have not met my boyfriend's brother or his wife, like at all. I have voiced my opinion on this to my boyfriend and his response was "he's my brother". I told my boyfriend that if I do not meet Jack and his wife from now until we get married, they are not welcome at our wedding because I'd feel awkward getting married infront of strangers. Recently, Jack and his ex wife have been at each other and Mary said she wanted to live with her mother because Jack isn't taking proper care of her. He told my mother-in-law that if Mary moves in with her mother he is going to cut all ties with her and doesn't want anything to do with her. That hit close to home as my father said the same thing about me when I was 16 and he still have very limited contact with me. When I heard that I told my boyfriend he is no longer welcome in our home or at our wedding. My boyfriend still says that he wants his brother there. 

Side note: Jack's new wife has many mental illness' ( bipolar, depression, anxiety) and is very rude to others. She called my mother-in-law an ugly hag because she didn't agree with something MIL said.

 So am I the a-hole? 

they’ve never admitted it but they’ve showed it, the first boy gets a little protective over me—I can’t remember what it was but one of my friends said something rude about me and he said he was joking and he replied with “you better be”, he sat beside me on the bus on our two most recent field trips, we haven’t known each other very long but we have a pretty deep connection already, he always text me first, he’s recommended me a song from the band nirvana which we both love called “drain you” and the lyrics are quite romantic to say the least, he’s also wanting me to play games with him—he’s overall very sweet and caring, he can pick on you a bit in a playful manner but he always apologizes and means it, the second boy I’ve known all my life—we used to have a really deep connection though things have changed after new years, why? I fell into a deep slump for a month or two so he replaced me with another girl, we had it pretty bad for each other—he’s given me his jacket to keep, his bandana to keep, he used to bring me lunch to school and he used to get jealous over me, he still gets jealous over me—I really like him, a part of me still does—me and him have started talking a bit more now, he called me last night at twelve am and when I called him back this morning to ask him about it he said his little sister had a question she wanted to ask me but she was asleep at the time I called him (11:30AM) which I don’t believe as she has my number and could’ve simply asked me, me and him talked twice on the phone today, we always say I love you after we go goodnight to all of our friends—I’m not sure if he says it to everybody after he ends a call with them but he does with me, the second time we ended the short call I told him I loved him and I’d talk to him later and I swear to god his voice changed or his breath hitched when he said it back, he’s sweet when it’s necessary, he’s a bit of a bully to me but I asked him to stop as it was messing with my mental health and he did, he’s holding these severely embarrassing photos over my head though which is something I can’t stand, he’s a bit of an asshole—but he’s caring when the moment strikes, what should I do?

So my dad and my mom are divorced and do not have a good relationship. They are civil for my sake but I can easily tell they absolutely hate each other. I love both my parents so much but I find myself having trouble communicating with my dad. We’ve never had as close a relationship as me and my mom. He and I don’t think alike and its caused some issues. He has different social etiquette and short temper and can be short meanwhile I’m the complete opposite. He isn‘t like that with me but his actions affect me nonetheless. I feel tired sometimes coming over to his house

1. I don’t have my own space because he decided to move his computer to where I am
   
   1. His house is massive and it’s just the two of us so it’s always dirty and i try my best to clean but it’s a lot ( he also claims to clean but it’s not that much)
   2. I’m always scared he’ll bring up traveling or going to do something because his type of activities I do not enjoy.

He loves traveling but I find comfort in staying home because I have a constant fear of losing things or doing something that would seem rude to other cultures. I love my mum and I switch houses every week so if we went anywhere it would cause issues. There are so many tiny things that bug me but I know that bringing them up head on won’t help at all. I tried with smaller things before and he’s never done anything to outright hurt me but sometimes I feel guilted or i can see how sad he is and it ends up the same.
he tries his best to make me feel comfortable but his comfortable and my comfortable are different and I can tell it bugs him. I know he loves me but it’s a lot sometimes. He makes remarks about my other family and I try to be short when he does that to get across that I don’t appreciate it but he doesn’t get it. I used to believe him blindly when he told me about others but one day I saw a first hand interaction he had with someone working at a fastfood place and he was super unfriendly and rude and then complained that they were the rude ones. It made me start questioning things. Now i see he blindly hates my other family and when he says things I just feel annoyed
I also try my best to keep the contact between my parents low because they are triggers for each other. No matter how they communicate it always ends in an argument even if it’s just about who’s buying a bag or something. I love my dad but he thinks with his head to much sometimes and it’s causing me a lot of stress. There is more to say but I don’t think I could list everything too coherently. I need to talk to him, I WANT to talk to him but I have no idea how. He tries his best and I don’t want him to feel like I’m criticizing him or talking down to him. He grew up in a not so nice environment and sometimes it reflects but he is always so supportive. He just has bad habits and shows love in a way that doesn’t make me feel good. My mum understands me and knows what i think and vice versa. We are comfortable talking about hard things but we barely have to because we know how to accommodate the other. I want to start talking openly with my dad because I feel to distant and I want to understand and be close with him but with all the things listed above it’s hard.
How do I fix everything in our relationship? Sorry that this is all over the place it’s also a bit of a rant

I'm so sorry but I'm tired of people pretending Cassie is a good person because she really wasn't and in my opinion she was worse than Tony
this is in no way me trying to say that tony wasn't a bad person cuz he was but he was less of a bad person
also btw im not saying that she had a eating dissorder for attention or that her eating dissorder was fake. eating dissorders are very hard and its sad what she was going through but there are some things that have to be said about it
tony was a bad guy but he had his moments and avengely became a better person, he learn from his mistakes and bettered himself but sadly i cant say the same about cassie
when we first meet her in episode one she seems like this funny and nice girl with some problems. she was brought to a party to fuck sid so he would lose his virginity .this is kind of sad. even before we meet her there is said she had problems with eating which is later at the party further shown when she immediately went to the kitchen to sored every this to look at.
even in the first episode the drama starts, when on the trampoline with Sid she tells him that if he wants to fuck her he has to do it fast because she just took a lot of pills.she passes out and they have to steal a car to drive her to a hospital for to then when they get there her to be totally fine.
In episode 2 we find out what her living situation is, which is not ideal. Her parents are dismissive and only think about sex, but compared to the rest, she has one of the best home situations of the group. (this btw isnt her falt but i just wanted to point that out)
she asked sid out which he was clearly not into but he said yes. cassie reminds him of their date but sid tells her that he can't go because he is grounded, but that wasn't good anof for her she tells him the "iconic" line "i didn't eat for 3 days so i could be lovely" that is guilt tripping at its finest. its not her fault she has an eating disorder but using it to make people feel bad for you is just crazy. she asks him if she can come over any ways and he says it isn't a good idea but she comes over any way. to find that sid wasn't there. when he returns home she asks him where he was and he tells her he was with michelle (which was the stupidest thing he could of said at that moment and wasn't even the reason why he snuck out. she gets mad at him and slaps him (with in her defends it was a shitty thing of him to do). the next day she overhears sid calling michelle to make up, she gets up sad and tries to kill herself by overdosing but fails and ends up in a mental hospital. people gave sid the faule which is just not fair. in the Effy episode cassie and sid meet up at the cafe where they share a cute moment and kiss but than he gets a call from michelle because she is worried about tony and thinks he might need help he tells her he really needs to leave and cassie gets upset THIS is there lasts iteraction befor they move(accept for them meeting up on the park bench)....THIS was her reason to leave.....tony did need help and i was glad he did come. this was also the moment where tony realised that mabey somethings he does arent smart.
and dont get me started on season 2 her she was so mean to jal and why????.she was the reason why chris lost his house. she was also weirdly obsessed with chris even tho he had a girlfriend.she was so jealous of michelle and hated michelle even after sid and michelle broke up. when chris was in the hospital they told the doctors that she was his girlfriend. she was so rude about jal not telling chris that she's pregnant....like thats not any of your fucking business. jal is pregnant she decides when she tells him not cassie. then when cas and jal are in the hospital jal asks her what happened and she just ignores her. she finally tells jal that he took some pills but refuses to tell her what kind cuz "i dont tell him your secrets do i" like this isn't about secrets anymore hes fucking dying. she was the only one to be there when chris died and tried to call the hospital but when her phone didn't work she grabbed her stuff and left.not telling jal and not telling sid. just left. when her and sid where broken up she was sleeping with everyone she could find. overall she was a bad person. she had her redemption in season 7 but it was also minimal and soooo boring.
meanwhile after what happened with Effy, tony found out he was being a bad person and tried to change (but he got hit by a bus instead). ofc when he was recovering he mixed some things up like the thing with abigail but that wasnt his fault he just didnt remember eider abi or chelle so when abi told him "im your girlfriend" he ofc believed it. at the end he made up with every one and got back together with michelle. him and sid talked it out and the thing with maxxie was forgotten by him so never spoken about again.he did bad things but he always redeemed himself. the same can't be said about cassie. overal cassie was worse than tony , they were both manipulators but tony got a second chanse and took it and bettered himself. when cassie got that same chans she just looked at it and trew it in the trash
im fine with people who don't like tony i get it but what i don't like is that they than love cassie. she is so much worse and absolute the worst character of gen 1. but tell me your opinian

I really, really want to text you and take it all back. But then, reading our messages from yesterday, I know I did the right thing. At least, I don’t deserve this kind of suspicion of being a brainwashed idiot for sending you memes and news links about topics I care about. I also think I deserve more attention and affection and love. Yes, I like being independent and also like what we had, despite the long distance. I like having time to myself to enjoy my hobbies, but maybe that is because I cannot share any of them with you. I love how good you were to animals and how kind and gentle you were, friendly and understanding. But I feel like a lot of times you did not go out of your way to make me feel happy and took me for granted. Yes, I know that I have acted rudely at times, my words are a bit blunt when I get upset, but I apologized and tried my best to avoid all the topics or actions that you don’t like. Meanwhile when I tell you to stop doing something or to do something specific it gets ignored. I don’t know, I think I just miss the company and the security of knowing that I have someone by my side who will be there for me, although I could rant about the most upsetting things and all I’d get in response is a “oh no…”. You were not there for me when I was stressed out, you never asked me about my day or how I’m feeling, and although I’m bad with emotions when it comes to everyone else, I did do my best to give you all the attention you deserve. When you blamed me for "always being sick" when I had chronic pain, I think something inside of me died. That is 2 years ago now and while I'm better, I still go out of my way not to mention any issues I have with my body or when I don't feel well because it might be a burden to you. I feel like you had very little interest in me because you took me for granted, and when we were hanging out, you were just on your phone all the time. It felt so lonely being at a cafe where everyone is talking and paying attention to each other and I look at you while you’re on your phone and then just reluctantly go on my phone as well. It hurts to have my hobbies talked badly about or shown little interest. You dislike most of what interests me, games, perfumes and shows, you don’t care for what I like or makes me happy and put it down. I asked you about how your games were going when you played Fifa, and when I mention anything that I’m doing there’s zero input coming from you. I might as well talk to a wall. Maybe it’s a communication issue, but I honestly think you just don’t care about me the same way I care about you. This is why… it is probably for the best that we broke up. And probably why I was hoping for a way out. If you hadn’t said those things that day, we’d probably still be together, but these thoughts were always on my mind, and they probably would have destroyed me and my self-esteem in the long run, the way they have up to this point. It is not like I haven’t brought these things up before either, and we had many opportunities to fix them. I think you deserve someone you can show pure affection to, where it comes easy and I don’t have to force you into doing something you don’t want to do or are uncomfortable doing. I wish I could be fully myself around you, but when I am, it is not what you want, so I think it’s time to let go of it all. Goodbye.

Hi, (Female, 17) here. My sister (21, Female).
When I was younger, around 12 - 13, I had a pretty good relationship with my older sister, we'll call her Sam.
Sam and I were very close, we shared hobbies and got along perfectly fine. But around the time I turned 14-15, Sam changed drastically.
I started noticing it with her body language. She started looking at me with disgust. She no longer enjoyed hanging out with me and would always make up an excuse to ditch me. I could tell our relationship changed but I wasn't sure why.
It got worse over time. Sam would picked fights and called me horrible names. The ones used most often are "Conceited, selfish, b*tch." I hadn't changed, I still acted the same, I still loved the same things as I did when I was 12. She got very personal and hurtful with the insults. She made fun of my hair, my voice, the way I walked. She made it clear that she didn't like anything about me anymore. It hurt a lot and I felt alone for a while. When I entered high-school, I made more friends and really enjoyed their company. I feel like they helped turned me into a more confident and happier version of myself.
Sam didn't really talk to me around this time but one day, I woke up to her screaming about me to my mother early in the morning. This came as a shock because we hadn't spoken or even fought prior to this. It was totally random. She told my mother that she didn't want to be near me, how she hated me and I was a stupid c*nt. It sounded like she was in tears when she was screaming this. That's how I knew this hatred she had for me was real. She told my mother she was going to physically attack me and beat me up. Of course, everyone thought she was bluffing but it turns out she wasn't. She attacked me about 3 times. Luckily, someone was always there to pull her off of me. Sam was bigger than me. She was taller and weighed more so of course she overpowered me. It was absolutely terrifying to have someone who you always loved and trusted, completely turn on you and try to hurt you.
Eventually things calmed down. Sam got a job and was finally socializing outside of our family. She didn't go to school so she had all the time in the day to do anything but unfortunately spent it making my life a living hell. She made me extremely insecure about myself but around 15 - 16, I gained my confidence back and tried to ignore everything she said to me.
My other older sister, we'll call Veronica, was talking to this guy, who she really liked, and I noticed Sam would flirt with him a lot. As time went on, Sam managed to steal this guy from Veronica and they started dating. This absolutely BROKE Veronica. She had to watch her sister and her ex bf dating, kissing, and flirting in front of her. Every time Veronica was near them, Sam would have this smug smile on her face and rub it in Veronica's face. I was so pissed for Veronica. Sam ended up getting her karma and the guy broke her heart. Now every time Veronica is talking to or seeing a guy, Sam always asks if she can meet him or go out with them together and Veronica won't let her. I can't blame her. Sam is sneaky and if she's not flirting with Veronica's boyfriend, she's trying to embarrass her.
I notice Sam tries to embarrass me a lot. When we're out in public setting, she'll always say something obnoxiously rude. She tells everyone I'm shy when I'm really not. I'm actually the most bubbly in the family. I just don't say anything around her cause I'm uncomfortable and I don't want her to embarrass me. She tells everyone I'm a conceited diva and she makes herself seem humble and down to earth. The other day we were out with some family members that we hadn't seen in years and Sam was taking pictures of the view and I was watching her take the photos and she looked at me and yelled "ARE YOU LOOKING AT YOURSELF IN THE REFLECTION OF MY CAMERA" and I explained to her that I couldn't see myself because the camera was flipped and I was just watching the photos be taken. Usually I don't defend myself or explain, I'd just laugh things off but this time, I was sick of her making me look like a concieted b*tch to people so I made it clear she was misunderstanding and I could tell she didn't like this. She snarled and stormed off. It got pretty awkward after that and everyone was confused about why she was saying that to me.
Sam ended up getting a boyfriend. I didn't like him so I stayed away but she would always bring him over even though he treated my family like crap. He called my dog ugly, he never thanked my grandma for cooking them dinners, and he ignored my other family members. He would come over and flop on the couch like a beached whale. I couldn't tell him to leave so I hid in my bedroom. I found out from him that Sam was sharing a lot of me and my family's personal business. Things like, money, drama, lawsuits, and issues we were having within the family that were NOT supposed to be discussed for fun. She shared EXTREMELY private things and this broke my family's trust with her. Everyone tried to keep things secret from her out of fear that she'd tell people she knew. Sam shared me and another family member's sexuality with her friends and boyfriend. I told Sam that I was not ready to tell my parents yet because they weren't big supporters of that kind of stuff. She now holds this over my head and hints about it to my parents. She doesn't do this to my other family member even though they aren't out either, she only uses this again me.
One time my Sam got drunk and told me that her and her boyfriend had sex where I sleep. She thought this was absolutely hilarious and I was so pissed. I had never felt such anger and betrayal. She also made a few sexual jokes about me to her boyfriend which left me feeling disgusted so I'd rather not discuss those.
Sam is almost 22 now and she's still living with us. She doesn't have a job and she doesn't help much with chores. She plays on her phone all day or watches TV. I'm working 3 days a week and finishing school but Sam tells me that I do nothing all day and I need to do more with my time. She also told me I shouldn't be allowed to finish high-school because she never did, even though she didn't want to finish and dropped out by choice. I tried to explain to her that I really want to finish high-school and save up money for college but she thinks I don't deserve to.
She stills says horrible things to me like "you have no future, you'll still be sitting on your ass in your parents house when you're 30." She also told me that she hopes I can't have kids because I'd be a terrible selfish mother. She steals my food and shames my interests.
I miss the sister who loved me back. I don't know who she is now and I don't know why she thinks we're in competition.
Please share your thoughts on my story and let me know if you've dealt with similar issues! 💛

Hi, I work at a resell store. I have for a few years now and steadily get employee of the month. The manager has even admitted I’m better than organizing than him. I love the store and do my best to keep it tidy as well as keep customers as happy as I can. One person that was hired a couple of years ago was not a great worker. He was rude to most customers, and often did not work to the extent that was needed as an employee. The customers that liked him, loved him. But it got to the point that many customers would start to all together avoid the store if he was working, that how off putting the experience was. People would call first to see if he was there. Or peek their head in them back out if they saw him. It didn’t seem like he was intentionally being rude usually, but obviously the stress from the job made him buckle easily and unfortunately, near constantly. When he was finally fired, he was at the store for so long that most of our small town had heard of how bad of a worker he is at this point. So it is my understanding that he was or may even still be having a hard time finding another job. Now, for some reason, both this ex worker and a friend of his that used to be a regular at the store, are either lying about or actually have the impression that it is solely me who got him fired, and that I just have this personal vendetta against him. I stand by saying that he is not a good worker, and was often openly bigoted, and rude to many customers as well as employees. I do not know him personally and do not have a personal vendetta. The only thing I have against him is that he is now trying to go to other locations of our stores and try to get me banned through them. They are also stopping people I know outside of the store at other places to check if i’m still working there and telling them that I must be higher up than a manager secretly, that am a loose cannon and to not be trusted. There are new customers coming to the store quietly cursing me out because they are newer friends of theirs and they have heard made up stories about me. I am not sure what I can do about this legally, if anything at all. It is hard enough to explain situations as is because im autistic and don’t do well with social interactions. That being said, I always greet customers, help them when wanted/needed, and do everything that makes an employee a good one. They are telling other people that I am rude and a bad worker now. I do plan to keep this job as long as possible, but if I ever do try to get another job I’m afraid their lies will have found their way to other companies to the point that I won’t get hired, similar to his situation, like an eye for an eye sort of thing.. my company itself says that they will back me up in terms of the store. If they don’t stop saying things at our actual locations they will be banned. But they are mostly going to stores of ours that don’t even know me, as well as obviously telling the town we’re actually in that I am this terrible monster. I am wondering how much of this is legal or what I can do about it. Thank you to anyone who reads this, I apologize for the length… and for a bit of vagueness… because as dedicated as they are currently, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were to find this post.