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I 33(f) have been married to my husband 39(m) for 6 years. I will call him Eric. Eric had a child (Ted) from a previous relationship and we also share another. We have been together for 12 years.
When we met I was an extreme party girl (21) who loved liquor and Eric was a daily beer drinker at home long before I came along. I did not see it for what it really was at the time. I was happy to have a partner who was a great dad from what I could tell (like my step-dad) and who knew how to also have a good time. It is what made me notice him in the first place.
He had his son (Ted) 50% of the time. Because of me, Eric and I essentially lived a double life for the first 6 months we were together. When Ted was at his moms I would go to parties with my friends and bring Eric every weekend and sometimes once during the week. However, I was very attentive when we did have Ted and loved taking care of him.
6 months into our relationship I was in a dnd accident which was my fault. Through that process I found AA and met amazing people and tried to get Eric to come with me. After 2 times he didn't want to go anymore. Him not quitting with me caused a lot of arguements. Our relationship was getting more toxic so I broke things off 2.5 months after my dnd accident. A few weeks later my step-father suddenly passed away traumatically.
He was my anchor to this world and was my everything. He was the one parent who didn't abuse me and was ever present. I almost immediately reached out to Eric because I selfishly wanted to be what my step-dad was for me to Ted in my grief. They were all close. We got back together and moved in together because we were losing my family home.
After moving in together: Eric's drinking did not improve. 3 tallboys or a 6 pack or more a night. Nothing I did or said changed his response and defiance.
Over the next year, we had a newborn. I had an emergency c section and was going through some deep dark post partum depression. He drank and was disconnected but worked hard. It was so hard for me I wanted to end it all many nights but did not. A couple years later, Ted's mom had overdosed on heroin but was revived and sent away to rehab. We had him full time for 3 years.
I had grown up exponentially since I met Eric into a woman who I was proud to be. I changed my ways and was a diplomatic mother figure to Ted and mother to his sibling.
Shortly after Ted's mom was back in the picture (Eric and I were already married by this time) we found out that we were going to be stuck with a 44k debt of hers that Eric had co-signed on when they were still together. She told us we were fkd and was not going to get a penny out of her because she had no money. Our shared account was zeroed out on multiple occasions when we were pinching pennies to save up for a house. Eric somehow made it go away despite lawyers turning us down and Eric never gave me a real answer on what happened with it. Eventually we got a house. Our forever home.
Years later I am asked to sign documents to account for all income we receive as a couple. We were both to sign the documents. The document asked if we received child support, so I asked him knowing full well years ago he told me she stopped paying years before that. He reluctantly said yes and also reluctantly gave me the amount paid. Also saying the money almost immediately went to Ted's moms 44k debt. We were not in a position to talk deeply about it at that exact time. But noted it. I was asked to provide proof.
After a month of begging for the paperwork and offering simple solutions that were turned down. On the very last day we needed the paperwork I was given it. When I saw it, the math was not making sense. In asking probing questions and repeating them til I got a direct answer he accidentally let it slip that what money isn't going to the unpaid debt is going into his account he uses for his alcoholism and marijuana (legal in our state).
The only account I knew of was our shared account and the separate account I have in my name (that he knows of) to protect our savings from getting pulled in fear of our account getting zeroed out again due to the 44k unpaid debt. He then tried to backtrack but it was already done.
I went completely catatonic. I see money go out of our shared account from his drinking and cigarettes and pulling money for what I assume is for his Marijuana. It did cross my mind sometimes the money (which was a lot) still never seemed to add up to how much drinking and smoking I saw happen which was always a problem. Now it's an even larger problem.
What scares me the most is I feel nothing. I'm hurt but not in the intensity I should be. I know I should be angry, I know this is a HUGE act of betreyal. I'm even nice to him (because im not sure how I truly feel and because I dont want to scare the kids) and I found out only 24 hrs ago. I'm terrified for my future. I pity him.
He stopped drinking the day after Memorial Day because I gave him an ultimatum due to his drinking where he had weeks to prep. For many years he's been an absent father and I've handled all kid stuff. I've also gone to sleep alone almost every night for atleast 10 years because he'll pass out on the couch drinking. It has always been an issue and gets brought up by me almost nightly at times.
He says he's had the card and account for 3 years, I doubt it. I am having him write me a letter confessing everything, what I already know and what I don't know. I'm also having him write in it why he did it and why I should stay with him because I am at a loss.
Being disassoated from what's happening has never happened to me in my life. I've never gone catatonic before. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve. Being the only functioning adult in this relationship practically our whole relationship has already been so hard, but atleast I knew he would never cheat on me and I thought I knew I could trust him. I am questioning my entire life choices now but it still feels like I'm in a dream. That this isn't happening to me even though it is. He says he wants to go to AA with me by his side (I havent gone in many many years, havent needed it, I rarely drink because it reminds me of how much his drinking disgusts me), says he wants to get better, but I feel numb. I don't know what to do or think and hope I will find my answer when he confesses what he will in his letter. I have no idea if it will be enough. It feels like it's too little too late but my heart doesn't want to leave even though I know this empty feeling must mean it's broken. The thought of splitting up our family no longer feels like it's my choice. I'm afraid of losing my self respect if I don't, but I'm also afraid to leave, and leave Ted behind.

Inebriated Conversations

After eight long and grueling hours, we began our rapid descent from the heavens. I never really got the: “did it hurt when you fell from heaven” pickup line until we hit the tarmac. The force of the impact nearly knocked my head into the seat in front of me, so fuck yeah, it hurt when I fell from heaven. I’d imagine even Lucifer himself had a softer landing than we did. He also didn’t have to endure the stomach churning and nauseating food that was served on the plane, but I digress, at least we had finally reached our destination. A land not so far away that only varied in appearance, but the truth was this mystical and magical land, deep down, was no different from the place I grew up or attend college. As I waited in purgatory, the security line, I began wondering if I was dreaming. Was I really in London or even a different country for that matter? The line, which seemed so much longer than the European and the U.K., line was filled with fellow Americans. Perhaps they are still acrimonious about us beating them in the Revolutionary War, so they decided that this was ample punishment for our victory. Whatever the case, we finally made it through security, then collected our bags. I saw my relatively new bag with the bowtie on the handle and was relieved that it had not been lost or left in the United States. We met our tour guide, Emma, who at first glance seemed to be very different. She had an unusual hair cut that was much shorter than ones most woman her age would have, but I soon learned that her appearance, much like London’s, would not be any indication of what lies beyond. When we finally escaped from limbo, the airport, we were put on a coach bus, and taken to our hotel. I was exhausted and in need of a shower, but all I could do was drop my luggage off, then swiftly return to the lobby. As we stood outside in the crisp, refreshing air, we were handed our subway passes, or as they say, “tube passes.” We followed our guide, Emma, on a short walk to the underground. When our group finally descended the stairs and made our way to the map, a map Virgil couldn’t even navigate, we began our journey that involved the same punishment as those afforded to people in the eighth level of hell. We walked endlessly, 10.6 miles, and viewed the most popular tourist attractions London had to offer. I was surrounded by beautiful statues, fantastic architecture, and attractive people whose dialect could captivate almost anyone. At first, like everyone else, I was completely and utterly captivated by it all, because it was a completely different world. Our group finished the day with a mile and a half walk to the Globe Theatre, where we saw Shakespeare’s play, Comedy of Errors. My fellow students and I stood, as our professors sat comfortably watching the play. During the production, all I could think about was my numb legs and my aching feet. I tried drowning the pain with a few glasses of overly priced and nasty wines, but my attempt was to no avail. For once in my life, I knew what it was like to experience actual physical agony, not just the tedious and never-ending emotional kind. It wasn’t the lake of fire or some frozen wasteland, but that shit was still excruciating. After the play, we struggled to find a new passageway to the hot and crowded underworld, the tube, but luckily, I had service on my phone, so we found it. We finally made it back to the hotel around eleven in the evening. After a long day of flying and an excess of walking, I had never been as excited as I was to climb into a bed that was, quite frankly, too small for my six-foot-five physique. To anyone reading this, don’t worry, I’m not planning on giving a day to day synopsis of what I saw while I was abroad, because the sights aren’t what truly matter. I mean, I could just rant about Buckingham Palace and its beauty, Windsor Castle and its enormous layout, the Tower of London and its history, the Natural History Museum and its priceless artifacts, Stratford upon Avon and Shakespeare’s life, Oxford and it’s impressive library, Cornwall and its tranquil beaches, the Minack Theatre and its sublimity, or the Ashmolean Museum and its Jeff Koons exhibition, but that shit has no genuine meaning to it. I’m not going to waste your time by writing about some tourist sites that you could see in almost any travel magazine about the U.K., so if that’s what you are looking for stop reading. I suggest you pick up a travel magazine and read it until you are content, but if you want to read something real, then I suggest you continue. The reality is, the things I’ll take from this trip are the inebriated conversations I had with others. I not only gave these people advice about their lives; I learned something new about my own. I, ***** *******, am the Barstool Prophet, who descended from the heavens prepared to spout wisdom and retardation. Before I divulge the serious and deep conversations I experienced abroad, I want to let you know that the other person and I were under the influence of alcohol. I know what you are thinking, but alcohol has been a part of human culture since 7,000 B.C.; to put that into perspective, man invented alcohol before the wheel. From what I've seen in my lifetime some people drink to forget, some drink to remember, some drink to punish themselves, and some drink to converse with others. I fall into the latter category, but while I was in the U.K., I encountered people whose purpose for drinking was similar to mine as well as people that would fall in the other categories. I never really got the saying, "It's better to be a glass half full person, than a glass half empty person." I get the whole positivity aspect of the saying; however, I'd trust a "glass half empty person" far more, because they'd just order another drink. I am in no way trying to promote alcoholism; in reality, I am just trying to explain how alcohol can fuel an in-depth conversation. The Latin proverb "In Vino Veritas" states that "In Wine there is Truth"; wiser words have never been spoken. Alcohol allows people to speak their hidden thoughts and desires, especially to a stranger like me. 

Emma

As I stated earlier, Emma was our tour guide, who sported a relatively short and somewhat masculine haircut. Luckily, I had consumed enough alcohol at the time of her arrival to ask her why she chose that specific style. After giving me a vague: “because I like it” response, she clutched her glass of wine and forced it down. We talked about her occupation and how lonely traveling could get, but she seemed like she was familiar with the feeling of loneliness. She asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up, and I said, “I want to be a lawyer.” Emma slammed her glass down and began to laugh hysterically; she said, “Seriously?” I found her response quite peculiar until she revealed that her ex-husband was a lawyer. He was devoted to his job and always worked long hours, which did not bother her, at first. I surmise that his lack of interest in her is what led to their separation. After a long moment of silence, I gulped my drink down and gained the courage to ask: “do you think the relationship you had with him prepared you for this job?” She paused and began to think intently. She took a sip of her wine, laughed, and said, “I guess so, that’s one positive thing I got out of the relationship.” The chat continued with talk of food, politics, weather, and other small-talk topics, but then we somehow made it back to her haircut. Emma told me that she was bi-sexual, which, despite the tell-tell signs in her appearance, isn’t something she shares with most people. I told her that homophobia and racism is a major part of the culture that I grew up in, which surprised her. She couldn’t comprehend how someone with that upbringing could be so openminded. I responded with one word and one word only, “Self-Awareness.” I came to the realization that in life people are consciously and unconsciously molded by those around them, but at the end of the day, it is their choice to decide who they are and what they believe. Emma’s marriage may not have been picture perfect, but she was still able to take something positive from it. As much as we don’t want to admit it, even the worst of our relationships impact us in a positive way. 

Phillip Goldsmith

Before I get into this incredibly intense and somewhat depressing story, I’d like to describe its setting. I was sitting on a red velvet couch, drinking Jack Daniels Honey in a tall glass with one ice cube. I know what you are thinking, but I was not in a strip club. Our hotel’s game room/ bar area looked like an American strip club, not that I’ve ever been in one. Like seriously, if a few poles and dancers were added, I’d feel like I was at the Red Carpet, which is a strip club near where I live, but again, I may or may not have been there. I had finished half my bottle when Phil walked in, and I could immediately tell that he was hurting on the inside. Excluding dumbass frat guys, not very many people drink vodka straight out of the bottle with the intention of finishing it. He sat next to us, so I reached my hand out and said, “Hey man, what’s your name?” He said, “Hello, I am Phillip Goldsmith.” I responded as anyone would and said, “That’s a badass name!” We talked about life, love, and women as most guys do. We were both close to finishing our bottles when I noticed a tattoo on his arm that said, “Harry.” Who was this Harry? He certainly didn’t strike me as a Royalist, so I knew he didn’t just get the prince’s name on his arm for shits and giggles. I gulped down a few more sips of my drink and slowly placed it back down. I looked him in the eyes and said, “who is Harry?” His response shook every bone in my body to their core. After holding his tears back and ingesting some more of his vodka, Phil looked at me and said that “Harry was his son.” Was? He continued speaking, and I learned that Harry died three days after he was born. That tragic loss would result in a few other loses in his life, his wife, and his faith. Phil told me that he used to go to his grave on his birthday and Christmas, but he couldn’t do it anymore. He didn’t see a point in it any longer. Surprisingly I felt the urge to tell him that “God loved him and that he would see his son again.” I am in no way a prolific believer; I’d probably put myself in the wayward son category. However, something came over me, and I felt like I needed to tell him that. We had both finished our drinks, and as we were saying our goodbyes, he thanked me. I don’t know why, but he did. My encounter with Phil taught me that when you meet someone, you don’t know what they are going through, but through love and compassion, you can have a positive impact on them. 

Lexie

Lexie is a beautiful and intelligent young lady from Kansas City, Missouri. We met and chatted throughout the week because she was a part of our EF group. One night, after Lexie and I had more than our share of wine, we began to talk about our plans for the future. Before I tell this story, you must know, I have the unfortunate handicap of flirtation when I drink, but she was able to move past my impulsive outburst. I think my accidental comments about her beautiful eyes, stunning smile, and cute laugh allowed her to open up to me. Despite what you are thinking, I like to flirt because I enjoy making women smile, I don’t always do it for self-serving reasons. Anyways, as I said, we started discussing our plans for the future, but one can’t divulge their future in an inebriated state without discussing their past. I gave my whole spiel about wanting to be a prosecutor who would later become a congressman, then a Supreme Court or D.C. Circuit Court justice. She said, “Wow! That’s quite the plan. I want to go into Law as well.” I hastily responded by saying, “That’s sexy. I could see it.” We both laughed, but then she said, “I don’t know though, Law School is hard.” She didn’t strike me as a person who couldn’t handle a challenge, so I asked, “Why do you think you wouldn’t excel? You present yourself as someone who does.” She tried not to blush, then sipped her extremely sweet white wine. I know it was sweet because I made the unfortunate decision of trying it; it was so sweet that even a rock would get a hangover from it. Anyways, she started talking about high school and how people thought she was unintelligent. I laughed and thought about how I experienced that very same thing. I said, “Fuck that, screw them. God, high school girls are mean. Do you actually believe that crap?” She giggled and said, “Of course not, but it’s still in the back of my head.” I grabbed another beer from Raj, the bartender at the hotel. Yes, we were on a first name basis; did you expect anything less from the barstool profit? I sat back down and leaned in, intent on getting this point across to Lexie. I sipped my beer, ever so casually, and said, “Listen, we all remember the immature negatives of our high school existence, but this is now. At some point, we have to grow up into the people we want to be, not who everyone tells us to be.” She then asked, “Why are you so wise?” (You are probably thinking “sure she did,” but I swear that is what she said; I’m not a narcissist using creative license to praise myself.) I accredited it to my amazing parents as well as the shitty ex-girlfriends, situations, and friends I had experienced. We continued talking about a lot of random things like abortion, racism in America, and other pseudo-political topics. It was 3 am. when we finally decided it was time to go to bed. I hugged her and told her to use those negative voices as motivation. Again, I was thanked for the conversation, which, at this point, seems to be a normal thing for strangers to do. My conversation with Lexie made me realize that, when we travel, the baggage we carry isn’t only the physical kind. That tedious and deep emotional baggage also comes along for the journey. Most people, who travel somewhere, will lose a physical part of their baggage, like a sock, shirt, or something of that nature. Lexie did something most could not and do not, she left a piece of her emotional baggage, the night I spoke to her in the bar. 

Szymon

Szymon was in the bar area when I got to the hotel. He had a very interesting accent, which was far different from the ones I had heard that week, so I asked, “Where are you from?” He said, in a relatively drunken manner, “I am from Poland. You’re from America, aren’t you.” I responded with a firm: “Yes.” The conversation proceeded with small talk, but as I had a few more beers, the topics shifted to more serious topics. I was recently in a Holocaust history class, so of course, the first serious thing I asked was if he had been to Warsaw to see the Concentration Camps. He paused in silence, so I said, “Talk about hell on Earth, the holocaust was some fucked up shit.” After saying that he seemed to gain the courage to tell me that he was Jewish. He told me about the things his parents endured as children and how his grandfather had died in a concentration camp. He told me how he had rejected his faith after hearing these horrible stories. He said to me, “What could faith do for someone. The Jews have been persecuted countless times for it.” I understood where he was coming from, but at the same time, I didn’t. He had real reasons for his existential doubt, and I truly could not say the same. I got a shot of vodka from Raj; threw it back, and said, “Our faith shapes our decisions in life, even if we tell ourselves it doesn’t.” He sat pondering my words, but he seemed bored of the discussions about faith. I quickly changed the subject and asked him, “Why are you in London?” I learned that he travels all over continental Europe cleaning asbestos out of old buildings. I responded as any young person would and said, “that’s cool. I’d love to travel all over Europe.” He said, “it might be for a young single guy, but I hardly see my kids. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if my wife cheated on me.” I couldn’t believe he would say something that personal, but then again, that’s what alcohol does. I suggested that he quit the job and find one closer to home. He laughed and said, “Ugh… you sound like my wife right now.” I bought him another beer and said, “maybe you should listen to her.” He looked at me and said, “maybe you are right ha-ha.” My conversation with Szymon taught me that it doesn’t matter how much money you make or how many places you get to travel on the company’s dime. What matters in life is family and the ones you love. By the time we stopped talking, I could hardly understand him, but he shook my hand and said, “have fun in London.” I laughed and said, “I will, call your wife tonight and tell her you love her.” He smiled and nodded, assuring me he would. It was time to leave, so I packed my things and got ready to go to the airport. I finally boarded my fiery chariot that would bring me back to the heavens. I forced down a few shots of Jack Daniels, closed my eyes, and wondered if the Barstool Prophet would have a second coming. Would I ever return to this amazing city and spout words of wisdom and retardation? Would I ever drink two whole liters of cider and wake up with a black eye? Well, that one is a definite no, but so many questions are left unanswered. Did I actually impact those that I talked to? Did they even remember the conversation? As much as I want to believe I did, I’ll never know. We don’t know what this life holds or what our encounters with strangers will yield; all we can do is give it our best shot and live like we are dying… (Que inspiring music). 

Let me know if the foundation of this sardonic and surface level literature reference writing has potential… first ever post!

TLDR
Almost exactly a year ago my husband began a 4 month long period of cheating on me. The entire summer he was posting naked pictures of himself on reddit and sexting random strangers on a secret discord. I found out and asked him a couple of weeks into September what was going on. He immediately came clean and said he was so sorry. I was completely wrecked and caught between respecting myself enough to leave or staying and giving him one last chance for the sake of our one year old son. I also didn’t want to be that woman who got married too young because she had a baby and then had her marriage fail not even a full year in. I was humiliated and heartbroken but he swore he would never do anything like that again. Things changed for awhile. For a few months he was more attentive and kind and our sex life wasn’t too bad. But at the start of 2024 I had to take on a lot of work responsibilities and our son is older and harder to take care of in his terrible twos and I’m always exhausted and I’ve been super depressed and our sex life has really struggled and now he’s back to the same behaviors and habits. He comes home and barely talks to me then jumps on his video game with his friends for hours every night. He never lets me see his phone. He doesn’t even try to initiate sex or any form of intimacy anymore. It’s like living with a stranger. I’m scared he might be cheating again and I’m just so tired. Every time I try to talk to him about our relationship he gets annoyed and I get shut down. I have no idea what to do.

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years and we have a 3 year old son. I'm very extroverted and have a lot of friends while my husband is very introverted and only has 3 friends who all happen to be female. Over the past year and a half, he got very close to one of them but I never put the kibosh on it because he has so few friends. Just at the beginning of May he had a couple nights where he did not come home because he was at her house. On the second night that he did not come home, I waited up for him and confronted him when he came in the front door. I gave him the ultimatum to either stop talking to her or to leave. At first he decided to stop talking to her and to work on our relationship. However, after a few days, he decided it wasn't worth it after we had done a silly marriage workbook and I just ended up asking him about accountability. I wanted to know what kept him from doing this again or what kept him from abandoning me when something more so severe in my life may be going on like ill physical or mental health. He has also done other things like spend $500 on a stripper on my last birthday when he was on a work trip out of town, and then after I had my son he racked up more than $800 in bills on only fans. He thought about it for a moment and told me that he was only going to hurt me again and again, and that there was no reason to try. I ended up convincing him to stay and that it would be worth trying for to keep stuff together for our family.
However, a couple days later I caught him messaging her again. I confronted him and he told me that while he loved me, he wasn't romantically in love with me. That I wasn't meeting his needs and I didn't understand him like she did. At this point we were still having sex at least twice a week. I helped him get his green card. I helped him get his license back. I bought him a new car every time he wrecked one. And I just helped him get into college. It was also smoking anywhere from 100 to $300 worth of weed every week, and I was just taking it on the chin and figuring out our finances around it. At this point, I just asked him to leave. He cried and moaned while I made him pack a bag, and was upset that I was asking him to leave which would prevent him from being there for our son. However, I told him if he remained I wouldn't be able to be there for our son, and that's what mattered the most to me.
He ended up leaving and staying with his stepdad. According to his mother and his sister, he's been taking money from his dad because he said I was still receiving his paychecks (which I am not) and that he has been into his dad's medical cabinet to try to take painkillers and his dad's diabetic needles. The girl that he is hooking up with has mental health issues and with drug usage. He also has prior issues with drug usage. He's also been switched psych medications four times in the past year.
At one point he offered to reconcile and just get to come home by stopping seeing her. But I told him that there was way more that we would need to work on before he could come home. He ended up going back to her and then trying to come back to me. And then just yo-yoing between the two of us for several weeks before he eventually decided to just pick her. He's now trying to blame the end of our marriage on me for being a "mean bitch who is no fun" and that I'm not accountable for my actions in ending this. However, I had overlooked so much of his previous bad behavior to remain in a relationship with him so my son would have a father. I tried to get him to help me understand what I had done wrong, and he told me that I was impossible to communicate with which is why he never communicated his needs to me.
He has also told me that he doesn't want any more kids, and that he doesn't believe in God. He told me that co-parenting our son will be fine, even though I've told him how much my parents divorce at a similar age deeply ended up wounding me as a child. He thinks just because he's going to be around some. It's better than his father who wasn't around at all. However, I told him sometimes it's more painful to have your dad two cities away living a life with a new family than it is to have an immovable image completely gone from your life.
He talks about co-parenting our son, but he is only seeing him a handful of times in the month that he's been gone. Most of those occasions have been at my suggestion and I have also been present. He's also stood us up once because he told me he had gone to the woods to contemplate suicide instead of meeting up with us. He doesn't call our son every night even though a FaceTime call with him would probably only last like 2 to 5 minutes. He's only sent me $320 to deal with expenses in the month that he has been gone along with getting our son a haircut. At each of these meetings he starts off by being horrible to me and rude. By the end, he's softened and does whatever he can to spend as much time with me and my son before he leaves. Even after my son goes to bed he wants to hang out and smoke a joint together. However, this last time he came to drop our son off, he got really sore at me because one of our mutual friends had sent him pictures of a conversation I had with them. In the conversation, I had Said that my husband and this girl are in a codependent cabal, and the only thing that they have in common are poor morals and bad teeth. He was upset by that but all of it was true. Now he refuses to see me or communicate with me. He told me that he wants to be friends but I can't say mean stuff like that. However, he says a bunch of mean things to me all the time about me being a horrible wife and how perfect this new woman is. Both of us want to be friends for the benefit of our son, but I just don't think I have it in me. He always says things to me to make me feel low, and he acts like I should just be over it even though it hasn't even been a month yet.
My life has completely changed and I feel so much grief over the life I thought I had, the partner I thought I had, and the future that I thought I had. It feels like a devil has crawled into his skin and is walking around pretending to be him. I feel so much resentment being left to pick up the pieces of our life and to hold everything together for our son. He gets to go run away and fuck someone new, while I have to be strong and stoic. I don't understand how I can be friends with someone who's hurt me so much and has cared so little. He's going to miss out on so much of our son's life and he doesn't even care. He's just convinced himself that life with me would be miserable. Even though we had so many good times together, and I had always tried my hardest to make him happy and to make sure our family's needs were met. He didn't even want to go to therapy and he didn't even want to try to start things over by dating me again. I'm just so disappointed.
I don't know where to go from here. I am definitely talking to a divorce lawyer. I worry about whether or not he's using drugs, and whether or not he'd be safe around our son. I definitely don't want this woman around our son and he doesn't see the big deal with it. Should I just cut him out of my life? Should I cut him out of my son's life? Should I try to be friends with him? It's all so hard because it's just all so shocking and I still love him. Part of me wants to reconcile but also part of me is starting to realize how easy my life is without him around. He's also also kept trying to make reconciliation not an option. What should I do?

So I’m a first year ALT, and on the side I teach private lessons for some extra cash. I currently only have one student, a middle aged woman. I teach her one hour a week. Somewhat recently, she also set up lessons for her college aged son, so that will be starting soon as well. She keeps sending me messages about the family, their doings, travel pictures etc, and then usually invites me out to a cafe or restaurant independent of the lesson (so far, the lessons are all online anyway). This feels a little weird to me, but maybe it’s a cultural thing im not accustomed to? When she invites me out, she usually mentions that her middle school aged daughter will be there as well. It just seems odd.

been married for 5 years, have 2 young kids. I (27f) work full time, pay for majority of the house hold things such as groceries, internet, childcare, petrol and im the primary parent and i clean the house and cook occasionally. I also take my kids to childcare in the morning since my husband (25m) starts really early. my husband has been in between jobs and is currently working a job he doesnt like. It makes decent money so if he works a full week which has yet to do, he has enough to cover petrol, rent and groceries but since hes had trouble adjusting, we only have enough for rent which is why ive been covering most of house hold items. My issue is that he is not appreciative. He constantly complains that we fight after every conversation but its because he says things in a way where hes indirectly blaming me. For context before the fight, i spent the morning cleaning the entire house which has been neglected due to a busy week. I told him i only want him to do one thing which is clean the bedroom since i lost my keys. I told him we will go to my grandmas after so he can help her and while he does that i will take our youngest to the doctors for immunisation. He decided to take a nap so i said ok. Then i woke him an hour later and said lets get ready its getting late and im not sure how he will clean since his parents are coming later and so are our friends. He said what are you talking about its already late? And i said so? And i asked him why he said that and he didnt respond. And i kept asking him so what if it is late and he said “you said its getting late so its likely i wont have time to clean the room” and i said well thats not my fault - you should have not napped and just cleaned the room. And he said im sick of every single conversation being a fight. I obviously got upset because all he had to do was just get ready but he wanted to make a comment about not being able to clean the room. Im frustrated because hes the one starting fights. I asked him what more do you want from me? I work ful time and clean and cook and pay bills. He said he wants me to be calm. But how can i be calm when all he does is complain? For example, our son spilt sticky sauce on the floor and all he did was send a picture of it to me. So i cleaned it up and he had the audacity to complain that the bag i put the sauce rubbish in was sticky. I dont understand

This kid absolutely crushed my parked car. Like it sent it flying up into the front yard of my house. I wish I could post the pictures.
Thankfully it didn't smash through my bedroom wall. I woke up to this crash. I'm having trouble sleeping in my room. I feel anxious when I'm at home. My doctor has diagnosed it as a post traumatic reaction and wrote some trazadone for sleep and hydroxyzine for the increase in anxiety.
Can I get emotional damages out of my auto claim even though I wasn't in the car? I don't feel safe at home and I've had to book extra counseling sessions.
I wasn't going to go after them for this but his bitch mom has been posting in our neighborhood about how I tried to kill her son by illegally parking. No. I was legally parked on the curb he's just needs to slow down when he drives. She then started threatening me after I laugh reacted to one of her posts. So I filed and was granted an order of protection.

Please be kind as this whole situation has me kinda anxious. I feel like there's no right answer on what to do.
Minor TW for mention of SA but its not significant to the whole post.
TLDR- My ex from almost 10 years ago has been secretly stalking my Instagram account for just under 2 years. The situation gives me the ick but I also don't care enough to take the time to block him. Especially as I feel his behavior doesn't deserve my attention or acknowledgement and could just lead to bigger problems i dont need. How ever, the girls girl in me feels bad for his wife because I know she would not be happy to find this out. I wouldn't be happy if my fiance did this. Am I the asshole for not making a bigger deal out of this. For not confronting/blocking him or telling his wife.
Here's more details. The long version with the back story.
My (28F now 17/18F at time of relationship) ex fiance (21/22M At time of relationship) has been stalking me on Instagram. Our relationship started when I was a junior in High School at a local Votech. He was my shop teachers son who was paying for and taking classes as an adult for another shop along side the high school students. A special opportunity that he was presented because of his parents employment at the school. That's how we met and started dating in like April of 2013.
He was extremely toxic in our relationship (I'm not saying I'm perfect). He would constantly try to make me jealous. First by saying a girl in the shop class he was taking was constantly flirting with him. Later by telling me while working at his job (gas station convince store) women gave him their number. Even one time trying to tell me some woman messaged him asking to sleep with him. I told him it sounded like an ad from a porn site and he got extremely offended and tried to convince me it wasn't an ad but that a real woman was trying to get him to come sleep with her. Basically the whole "other women want me. You should feel lucky I only want you" behavior BS. He also refused to let me have friends. He would start fights with me almost every time I was with a friend. I'm bisexual so he assumed I would cheat on him with my girl friends. None of my friends liked him because of this.
But I was naive and thought I was in love. He proposed to me on Valentines Day 2014. I turned 18 and graduated a few months later before going to college in August 2 hours away. Things got worse between him fighting with me all the time about him being paranoid I'd cheat on him. Then him taking 2 months before visiting me only to say he was coming up for the weekend then actually only come up to visit for 2.5 hours, fuck me, eat a donut, and then decide to leave and go home. Long story short we broke up at the end of October after some toxic shit.
I quickly moved on because of some homophobic shit he said to a friend of mine causing me to lose any love or respect I had for him. His SIL messaged me after we broke up to tell me how horrible I was for breaking his heart. He had told his family we broke up because I had "cheated on him with a female and decided I'm a lesbian." I promptly told her he lied and told her what really happened including screenshots. I thought that was the end of everything. Deleted everyones number and moved on. November came and went and in December I met a different guy we can call Matt and we started dating.
After 6 months of dating Matt, my exs SIL messaged me cussing me out, insulting and threatening me. Telling me he found someone much prettier and better than me (her cousin who we had actually met at her wedding to his brother). She claimed my ex said I had been texting him gloating about my new relationship and sending him photos of Matt and I. I explained I hadn't texted my ex since the day we broke up in October and lost his number with in the same week. It was not me trying to text him. But I was genuinely concerned and wanted to know who did since I didn't want or need unnecessary drama. I offered to help find out who was doing this (though my suspicion told me it was him using a text app on his iPod Touch to text himself and the photo that was sent was one of my public FB Profile pictures since as I said above he tried similar to make me jealous before when I was his GF so it would not shock me if he did it to the new girl too). Unsurprisingly when I asked for the number that texted him this stuff he conveniently deleted it and didn't know the number. But I was told if they texted again the SIL would tell me the number. They never texted again. That was in 2015. I hadn't thought about them since.
Until this past December 2023.
I was on Instagram looking through stories. Instagram showed me a "People you may know" story with a few accounts it thought I may want to follow. The first one showed my Exs account, his picture of him and his wife (the SILs Cousin). This weirded me out because we've been broken up for 9 years at this point. We don't have mutual friends or social circles. He shouldn't be in my "people you may know". But then I saw it specifically said "Follow BACK" indicating he was following me. Which is why it showed me his account. I was so confused because I would have noticed if my ex had shown up in my notifications.
I went to his profile and I actually did recognize the username. And was able to check when he had followed me. He followed me in August of 2022. But he didn't have a PFP or any post then. I didn't realize it was my ex because even though the username included his first name it had been so long that I didn't even think it was him. The only reason why I remembered the account even following me is because it includes his middle name (that I forgot was his middle name at this time) and that middle name is the same first name as the man who assaulted me in 2017. So I was afraid the account was my rapists Instagram but realized I was being paranoid and that he was still in jail at that time so it couldn't have been him. A lot of random accounts follow me on Instagram because my account is public.
Anyway, he followed me in August of 2022 and never had a PFP or any post until November of 2023 which is why I had no idea he was following me and why he showed up in December as someone I may know (because he was active on Instagram then and recently made his first post). I know he sees my post because he only follows 9 accounts, me, a few shops, and model accounts.
What had me the most weirded out by this is that in the 9 years we were broken up I never saw him or ran into him. But in the time between August 22 and November 23, he showed up at the mall at the same time as me. More than likely a coincidence. But it was still weird. I considered blocking him but both my fiance and best friend told me not to worry about it unless he does keep showing up places. Because otherwise I'm just giving him a response to his behavior and he isn't worth that.
Some may say not blocking him means I'm trying to rub my relationship and family (I have a toddler and another baby on the way and I'm getting married this year too) in his face. But I'm not forcing him to look. I'm not posting anything with him in mind. And it's not my responsibility to help him move on. If he wants to look through my photos, as long as it doesn't actually affect or hurt me, I honestly could care less.
So I let it go. And honestly forgot about it until this week. While driving to my OB appointment I got a notification that my Exs account liked one of my photos on Instagram. When I saw this later at my appointment I did take a screenshot and then clicked the notification to see what it was. This wasn't a recent photo. It was a photo from 2015. Instagram showed he had unliked it, indicating he didn't mean to and was probably hoping I wouldn't see that he did in the first place. But what was weird to me about this was that he had to scroll through over 1,000 photos on my Instagram to get to and accidentally like this one from 9 years ago. So like this wasn't a casual just keeping tabs on how my ex is doing these days. He was scrolling through over 1,000 photos I've posted.
I once again considered blocking him but my friend made a good point that he followed me undetected before for over a year. He could make a new account and follow me again undetected. At least right now I am able to document anything that happens incase things were to escalate. And that not warranting the behavior with acknowledgement or a response is best. As it's highly unlikely this will go beyond him looking at my Instagram. I didn't post i was going to the mall the two times he was also there. And I don't share my location on any other social media apps. So it truly was more than likely a weird coincidence. So I'm just documenting everything incase it does escalate OR incase he tries something again like mentioned above and I get threatening messages from his family.
This is the part that's eating me up. His wife knows who I am. As I said I met her when his brother and her cousin got married. We were both in her bridal party. She's had me blocked on Facebook since the situation were her cousin messaged me about someone texting him thinking it was me. She was also with him at the mall the second time he was coincidentally there and she definitely saw me which was in itself an embarrassing encounter (because I had just bought my fiance a father's day gift but they couldn't remove the security tag from it so as I exited the store the alarm sounds like I'm robbing the place armed and they were in the food court right by the entrance and all this attention was on me, I went back to the counter but they told me they couldnt remove the tag so I had to let the alarm go off as I leave and it will turn off after a moment). I heard her even say "isn't that [my name]?" Anyway, I know she probably would not be happy to know he's following me. I looked her up on Instagram, she doesn't post often but most recently posted on Valentines Day about their 5 year wedding anniversary. But I don't think she knows he has an Instagram. She only follows a few accounts, including her cousin mentioned above. But neither of them follow her husband, my ex. And he doesn't follow any of them either.
Idk, maybe it's just me. But I would be livid to find out my fiance/husband had an Instagram where he didn't follow me but did follow his ex. I honestly feel bad for her because I know it would hurt me. But I also don't know if she truly has no idea. I asked my friend if I should say something to her but my friend said I'd just be opening myself up to unnecessary drama and stirring a pot that doesn't need to be stirred. Unless things escalate. That it would be wrong to potentially cause issues in their relationships over what could be innocent curiosity.
Idk. Maybe I'm over thinking things as I am hormonal as I'm 7 months pregnant. But I feel bad not telling her. And I also don't want to block him because at least now I know and can be aware of what's happening. Since he doesn't know I know at this time. I guess it's important to mention I have diagnosed ptsd from multiple things including abusive partners and had an ex stalk me previously. So being able to document things makes me feel calm and more in control of the situation. As finding out he was following me unnoticed for over a year was extremely triggering and as I said before blocking him could result in him just making another fake account.

I am currently taking paypal for games, you always go first and cover fees
For game trades, you always go first and message me, usually it takes me about 1-2 days to get back to you at the latest
My Rep Page has not been updated in about 5 years, but I have a lot of trades finished
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I am currently taking paypal for games, you always go first and cover fees
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My Rep Page has not been updated in about 5 years, but I have a lot of trades finished
Bolded items are just the ones I would like to consider keeping so don't feel as though you need to offer more for the game
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So bf ex wife is very manipulative and apparently mean. She still tries to mess with him. A few weeks ago she told him there’s still hope for her if they got back together for example. She doesn’t follow the custody orders and take their son on her weekends or she’ll take him then 30 min later returns him and the 9 year old son literally cries that he doesn’t wanna go with his mom so my bf doesn’t force him. The son is only okay to be around the mom if his step sister or his dad(my bf) is there. I feel like this is just one of her ways to have control over them…anyway today he told me he’s gonna go drop his son off to her in another city and his ex step daughter is gonna be there so the son will be okay. A few hours pass and he tells me they took him to a pool then pizza. 7 hours later he’s still there…and he says his ex step daughter isn’t going after all and he’s gonna be on his way home. Idk I’m just bothered like you spent the whole day with your ex and son. That’s just not okay with me. I also have a son and ex husband and I would NOT do that. Only times I’m around my ex is for special occasions birthdays, school events, holidays. I just feel so disrespected and I’ve told him. He tells me he’s just doing it for his son so he could spend time with him mom…I’m like then let her take him on her time. Why does he have to be there?? He saying he’s trying to protect him. He says he cries that he doesn’t wanna be alone with her. The son is going to be 9 by the way and definitely acts older than his age. I just can’t picture him actually crying and being that way unless she was abusing the son but apparently that’s not happening. I want to give the benefit of the doubt but it just doesn’t sound right to me.

Exion has finally started to respond to my posts. It would be easier if Exion would unblock me and engage with me directly but they still refuse to do so. It would also be nice if they linked the posts they are responding to so anyone reading his posts can look up my posts. I made sure to do that for all his posts. In this post I’ll be responding to https://www.reddit.com/Quraniyoon/s/98oVSczZYe.
For the list of parts in my series see https://www.reddit.com/Quraniyoon/s/01K9X3Pjxj

In this post, I will be answering and refuting the individual who keeps writing posts about me and comments every second he gets trying to "refute" me and "expose" me. I am only doing this because some brothers and sisters have allowed themselves to be fooled by this dude.

In his last post before he started addressing my criticisms he made it clear he wouldn’t engage with my criticisms. It’s only after the mods told him to either respond or they’d remove his posts, as can be seen here https://www.reddit.com/Quraniyoon/s/c1XSgLQlZe, that he started responding to me. Given those facts I find it hard to believe his reasons given here for responding to me.

He begins by discussing my translation of the word "ישוחח," which I interpret as "argue" or "put forth."

That’s not where I begin. There is some important context before that. The first part of my first post was about showing the general sloppy nature of his posts using examples which he acknowledged his mistake, are things someone who knows Hebrew would be unlikely to make, and which he later copied elsewhere without fixing the mistake. The issue of ישוחח is just one part of this.

Firstly, in Biblical Hebrew, verb forms such as Qal and Piel (often referred to as Polel in some grammatical traditions) are distinguished by their specific diacritic markings (i.e., vowel points and consonantal diacritics).

Nope. The difference between the Qal and Polel forms in this case are not just in the diacritical marks but also have consonant differences.

Since I believe that the Masoretes distorted the Old Testament by adding these diacritics to reach a deviant interpretation, I do not consider them at all. I read the Old Testament without any diacritics. This is something he has yet to understand

Again in this case it’s not just the diacritical marks. I also understand Exion rejects them and in my responses I give reasons why his diacritical mark suggestions don’t work.

He later argues that the ancient Christian manuscripts (such as the Codex Sinaiticus, Septuagint, etc.) must agree with my claims and not with the Masoretic renderings of the Hebrew text, a conclusion he bases on thin air. I ask: Why is that so? Can you give us one good reason for this conclusion? You can't! He says this only because he considers these Christian manuscripts as divinely revealed criteria and translations.

Note the Septuagint was written by Jews not Christians. I’ve also given my reasons for why those should agree with Exion. He ignores those reasons and then attributes different reasons I never said. I’ll repeat again, Exion’s theory that he’s stated multiple times is that when the Masoretes added the diacritical marks they intentionally added ones that change the original meaning of the text to cover prophecies about Mohammed and Islam. He then claims he is discovering the original true meaning of the verses. If this is true then pre Masorete texts would still have the original meaning. Also any sources from after the Masoretes but which weren’t influenced by them should still have the original meaning. Also any before Mohammed and Islam wouldn’t have the same motivation to hide prophecies about Mohammed and Islam.

The Masoretes could even have been influenced by Christians and their manuscripts,

This is a textbook example of an ad hoc assumption. An ad hoc assumption is when an assumption is added without any evidence to modify a theory for the sole purpose of avoiding falsification of the theory by some evidence. Since these sources that should agree with Exion don’t agree he added a new assumption without evidence to modify his theory to avoid falsification.
It’s also a problematic assumption. The Masoretes were Jews. Jews and Christians were split a few hundred years earlier and so didn’t really influence each other. For the Septuagint this was written even before Christianity. It’s so far before Islam and Mohammed that it’s extremely unlikely they were trying to hide any prophecies about them. It’s one of our oldest sources for the text making them a good source for how early Jews understood the text. It serves as an excellent source for testing Exion’s claims since if they’re true we’d expect, at least a significant portion of the time, they’d agree with Exion. If no one else in history, even before the diacritical marks were added, agrees with Exion then Exion is not speaking the same language as everyone else.

In other words, both Qal and Polel essentially mean the same thing.

Here is what Exion said previously, “Regarding the phrase "Who will argue...", an alternative rendering could be "Who will claim..." However, using the word "argue" may be more faithful to the original text, as it carries a connotation of "complaining" or "disputing" rather than simply making a statement or engaging in ordinary conversation. This nuance helps capture the intended meaning more accurately.”
They specifically note the nuance of the meaning ‘complain’. What they failed to notice is that meaning is only part of the Qal form not the Polel. Both their original and new dictionary citation show this. Since the verb in question is in the Polel form that meaning doesn’t apply. Both source clearly listed the two different forms and the meanings for both. Either this is another case of Exion not reading his sources properly or he didn’t realize the correct form of the verb. Either way it shows the general unreliability of Exion.

Thus, he has fixated on this specific word, insisting it is (without a shadow of a doubt) in the Polel form (because his Pauline forefathers said so)

Actually I insist it’s in the Polel because I understand the different verb congregations. It’s not just diacritical marks but consonant differences as well. A key way we can tell is that the final consonant, ח, is duplicated.

Let's see if the Polel form does anything to save him:

This whole section is a lengthy that follows completely misses the point. Here is the original discussion, https://www.reddit.com/DebateReligion/s/f3XrmqDNqi. Like back then his response misses the point. I go on to note how is translation depends upon connecting two parks of the sentence where the diacritical marks have a break. I asked given all the mistakes he’s made up to that point, with the mix up of the Qal and Polel being the most recent at that time, why should we trust him over the Masoretes. The idea was to show how Exion is unreliable and doesn’t know Hebrew so he can’t be trusted over Hebrew speakers. He doesn’t justify why we shouldn’t take a break at that section, we’re just supposed to trust him but with all the mistakes he makes we can’t trust him. Furthermore after adjusting his translation to accommodate the Polel meaning the next day he copied his post to this subreddit without making the same correction but leaving the mistaken Qal meaning.

I believe (if I remember correctly) that he translates it as:

Nope. I never gave my own translation for this verse. He could have just checked the discussion but instead he made another sloppy mistake where he misrepresented what someone else has said. The discussion is public for anyone to read it themselves and see I never said that.

He goes on to say that I quoted from a fictitious source, which is not true at all. I simply didn’t bother looking through my entire library to find a quote I mistakenly mis-referenced, mainly because the quote turned out to be quite irrelevant, and I don’t waste my time like that.

That’s just an excuse. After giving the original citation a few people tried and couldn’t find it. He was pressed on the issue. Finally after some back and forth he gave a new book name and new author. However, the citation still couldn’t be found in that new book. It was at that point where he just ignored any further requests for proving the source exists. This is the first time since then he’s acknowledged it. Given that course of events it’s strong evidence the citation doesn’t actually exist. Until he provides proof the citation actually exists we should take the citation as fictitious. Though even if the source does exist his acknowledgment of a wrong citation is still evidence of his sloppy work and unreliability with representing sources, something he does very often.

So, I will not bother to refute every single point of the old stuff that I’ve already conclusively answered.

He never did. For the issue about copying the verse number and making it part of the verse all he could say before is that it’s a minor mistake that I’m overblowing. However, as I note the error is not a minor one but actually requires several points of failure, some of which are hard to accidentally make. E.g. removing the space between the verse number and first word after copying takes intentional action. For the pronoun suffixes his response boils down to just claiming every single person who has ever translated it is wrong and he is right. He refused to give a general account of pronoun suffixes that supports his translation along with a source to back up his account. I on the other hand took a picture of my Hebrew textbook showing the full chart to prove he is wrong.

Regarding the stone God mentions that was to be placed in the Temple of God, he says that it is saying

Notice in this section of his response he changes his original translation to include the second instance of the word stone that he previously missed. This acknowledges that he was originally wrong and missed that word. He just tries to rework the translation have that second occurrence of the word stone while still referring to God’s stone. Let’s see if it works.

The next word is אל: This is taken as a preposition according to them, and it generally means "to" or "toward," and never "upon." It is used to indicate direction or movement towards something. While the following word is, again, a stone "אבן."

I deal with his simplistic view of Hebrew pronouns in my pt 2. Once again we have the same problem. The relationship between pronouns in Hebrew compared to English is complicated. The pronoun in my pt 2 analysis has 8 pages in the BDB. אל has 2 pages. For על, which we be relevant in a moment, it has almost 6 pages for the proposition part. It’s far more complicated than giving a short list and only limiting translation to that list.
Regarding אל the BDB under note 2 points out there is a tendency to use it interchangeably with על. For על it lists upon as one of the meanings. Exion goes on to argue the limited set of meanings he gives don’t make sense and from that argues אל should instead be taken to be God. However, when we realized prepositions are more complicated than he makes them out to be and that אל can mean upon this argument fails.

Here, "אל־אבן" would translate to "God's stone" or "stone of God."

Here is the chapter from my textbook on the construct relationship singular. https://imgur.com/a/TWa8x4B. Take the first example. The first word on Hebrew is סוּס which means horse. The second word is הַמֶּלֶךְ which means the king. The translation given is “the horse of the king”. The second page gives examples of how this is translated into English with a ‘s. Based on that “the horse of the king” would be “the king’s horse”. This example shows us if we accept Exion’s claim אל means God and this is a construct relationship then the translation would actually be “God of stone” or “stone’s God”. Exion has flipped the words in his translation.

Thus, the phrase "מטרם שום־אבן אל־אבן בהיכל יהוה" would be understood as "before placing a stone as God's stone in the temple of YHWH" or "before placing a stone, God's stone, in the temple of YHWH"

Actually with the correct word order we’d have “before placing a stone, God of stone, in the temple of YHWH”.

Or you could simply not take "El" as a construct state. In Hebrew, a noun followed by another noun can indicate possession without needing a construct state (i.e. the equivalent of adding 's in English). This is often called "smikhut" or construct form, but it is not always necessary to explicitly form it.

This is confused. He thinks construct state refers to a specific different form or the noun but the possession meaning doesn’t require that different form. My textbook shows that’s mistaken. Yes it’s true the possession meaning doesn’t require a different form, however it’s still called the construct state. This is evident from my textbook. It notes at the bottom of the second page the construct state is sometimes the same as the absolute state. I didn’t mean to say Exion was taking it as having a different form from the absolute state but was pointing out he takes the phrase as indicating possession. That’s why I said if we add the missing word at take the phrase as indicating possession we’d get “stone’s God’s stone”.

This is something he doesn't know because, well, who knows why.

As my textbook proves it’s him that doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

Explicitly contradicting your claim that it doesn't exist, but you didn't know that because you have probably never even read the entirety of the chapter to begin with. The Temple was already there. A stone was to be placed in it, God's stone, the black stone of the House of God, and not that it was to be built or built anew. This is why I even wrote the article, because the temple of God was already in existence. How you could have missed this, if you've read the chapter in it entirety, is very baffling to me.

What’s baffling to me is how someone can be so confident and condescending while being so wrong. Not only did Exion fail to research the historical context of the literature he tries to interpret, he failed to notice my summary of the history. Haggai gives explicit historical markers for when the prophecies were made. “In the second year of Darius the king, in the sixth month, on the first day of the month, the word of the Lord came by the hand of Haggai the prophet to Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and to Joshua the son of Jehozadak, the high priest:” Haggai‬ ‭1‬:‭1‬ ‭ESV‬‬. This places the prophecy in 520 B.C. This was after the Babylonians conquered Israel (specifically the southern kingdom as the northern was already conquered), brought them into exile, destroyed the first temple, the Persians conquered Babylon and allowed the Jews back to Israel to rebuilt the temple. They started to built the temple but stoped when opposition arose. Haggai’s prophecies are about pushing the Jews to continue rebuilding the temple. You can read about the fall of Israel by the Babylonians at the end of 2 Kings and 2 Chronicles. You can read about the return to Israel in Ezra and Nehemiah (note the events in Ezra are before those in Nehemiah).
Exion mentions Haggai 2:3 to disprove me. This is another case of him misrepresenting his sources. Let’s analyze it carefully part by part.
"Who among you is left, who saw this house in its former glory?” The word former indicates it had that glory in the past but no longer has it. That is because the previous temple was destroyed.
“And as you see it now”. This calls to attention a comparison of the former glory with the current glory.
“is it not as nothing in your eyes?" This expresses the current glory calling it nothing in their eyes. That’s because the previous temple was destroyed and not yet rebuilt.
Also check out these verses: ““Thus says the Lord of hosts: These people say the time has not yet come to rebuild the house of the Lord.” Then the word of the Lord came by the hand of Haggai the prophet, “Is it a time for you yourselves to dwell in your paneled houses, while this house lies in ruins? Now, therefore, thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider your ways. You have sown much, and harvested little. You eat, but you never have enough; you drink, but you never have your fill. You clothe yourselves, but no one is warm. And he who earns wages does so to put them into a bag with holes. “Thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider your ways. Go up to the hills and bring wood and build the house, that I may take pleasure in it and that I may be glorified, says the Lord. You looked for much, and behold, it came to little. And when you brought it home, I blew it away. Why? declares the Lord of hosts. Because of my house that lies in ruins, while each of you busies himself with his own house. Therefore the heavens above you have withheld the dew, and the earth has withheld its produce. And I have called for a drought on the land and the hills, on the grain, the new wine, the oil, on what the ground brings forth, on man and beast, and on all their labors.” Haggai‬ ‭1‬:‭2‬-‭11 ‭ESV‬‬. It’s pretty clear the previous temple lies in ruins and God is calling them to rebuild it.

This is why Jacob

Jacob lived long before the temple was built. His life is recorded in Genesis. There is a lot of history in between Jacob’s life in Genesis and the building of the temple in 1 Kings/2 Chronicles. Either Exion is completely ignorant of the history he is commenting on or he’s cherry picking which parts he wants to accept.

Lying and adding words to the Word of God to make it look like another House would be raised.

But that’s literally what happened in history. The first temple was destroyed and the later rebuilt. Again check out the books I mentioned for the historical background, especially Ezra which records the events during the time Haggai was prophesying.

The preposition "the" is not there before "Chemdat," while it is before "Goyim" (heathens), which makes sense because "Chemdat of all the heathens (will come)" and doesn't translate to "The treasure of all the heathens (will come)," as they have it.

Exion takes the lack of the definite article before chemdat as indicating it shouldn’t be translated with a “the” as its indefinite. He then argues taking chemdat the traditional way doesn’t make sense without the definite article so we should instead take it as a name. This again shows he doesn’t know Hebrew.
Note Exion translates it as Chemdat of. He interprets it as possession indicating he takes the Hebrew as being in the construct state. I linked above the chapter on the construct state. The first page notes a noun in the construct state never has the definite article. Instead the the last noun as the definite article then the noun in the construct state is also definite, and if the last noun is indefinite then the noun in the construct state is indefinite. Exion also acknowledges the last noun as having the definite article. When we actually understand the construct relationship we see that while there is no definite article on chemdat it’s still definite since it’s in the construct form with the last noun having the definite article. This undermines his argument for why chemdat is a name.

The phrase "הגוים" (ha-goyim) translates as "the heathens,"

The BDB lists this word as meaning nations/people. Heathen has very negative connotations which are not necessarily implied by the word.

He then says He will fill this house, which they saw as nothing, with glory. The house already exists;

Again look at the historical markers Haggai gives and the historical books for the historical background. Also look at the passage I quoted from Haggai 1 which clearly mentions the current temple in ruins and God calling the people to rebuild it. The promise God is making in Haggai 2:7 is about the new temple being greater than the former.

Going back to Haggai 2, the 18th verse also confirms that the Temple already was there:
"Consider, please, your heart from this day and onward, from the twenty-fourth day of the ninth month, from the day that the temple of the Lord was founded, consider your heart."

This particular section is Haggai 2:10-19. By this time the Jews started rebuilding the temple again and had laid the foundation. Haggai 2:15 and 18 are parallel passages calling the people to consider the time since that work on rebuilding the temple was done. God then points to the blessing they’ve experienced since then. That is in contrast to the hardships listed in Haggai 1:10-11 that God says we’re because they weren’t rebuilding his temple.

Nevertheless, he is right about one thing regarding this chapter: it does not mention the new moon to new moon and the end of the Sabbath—that was in Isaiah 66. My mistake.

Yes it is a mistake and it is one of way too many to count where he messes up representing his source in some way.

the second phrase can be interpreted as an end (if we interpret "Shabbat" as "End")

Actually it can’t. I missed this in my post but u/c0d3rman caught it in his comment on Exion’s post. The definition Exion gives in his post is the verb “to cease”. However, “an end” is not a verb but a noun. His translation doesn’t match his own definition.

but it is Biblically and generally interpreted as "Sabbath."

Because as a noun it means Sabbath.

A literal translation of the phrase in the 23rd verse would be:
‎>שבת (shabbat) - "Sabbath"
‎>בשבתו (be-shabbato) - "His Sabbath"
‎>יבוא (yavo) - "it will come"

Putting יבוא as part of this phrase has 3 problems. First it breaks the parallel in grammar and idea with the previous phrase. Second the subject of the verb then becomes the sabbath but that’s not possible. The gender of the verb and subject need to match but sabbath is feminine while יבוא is masculine. Third Exion’s translation has יבוא translated twice, both as part of this phrase and as part of the following phrase. However the word only occurs once in Hebrew so it can’t be translated twice into English as a part of 2 different phrases.
I also explained how this phrase is an idiom in my first post. I referenced the BDB which explains how we know it’s an idiom and what the idiom means, which corresponds to the traditional translation. The verse is not talking about a sabbath coming to a sabbath or coming to an end. It’s saying the frequency that all flesh shall come to worship before God.
I’ve mentioned the BDB often as a source. For those unaware there is an online version where words can be searched, https://www.sefaria.org/BDB. I’m mentioning this because unlike Exion I want to be sure people can easily find the sources I reference. If anyone has trouble finding any particular word I’m not sure how to link to specific words but I’m happy to take pics of my physical copy.
u/TheQuranicMumin you said “If he fails/refuses to do this, we will remove his posts for misinformation.” Can we agree already this counts as a failure to respond and consider his posts misinformation or do I really need to continue addressing his posts/responses?

My husband and I are trying to make a seating arrangement for a vow renewal party (TEN YEARS!) and we were dying laughing at how vastly different all of our friends are. Don’t get me wrong we LOVE all our people but damn are they all soooooooo different. If you can picture Theo Von and IDK Kim Kardashian sitting at a table that’s how apples and oranges everyone is.
We have our NYC crew from our first life, rural Virginia, inner city Rochester, Jacksonville FL peeps and the loves we’ve picked up during our road warrior days over the years and then our beloved neighbors we’ve been with the last 4 years (all in their 70’s!). There’s also childhood friends coming in from South Africa where I’m from.
We’re super excited and it actually worked out great and we had a blast when the same people rolled through for our sons 1st birthday but man we were chuckling hard 😂

Trying to find a like geometry/physics/cool math games type game…. All I remember is it had a stop and play button, you had to connect to pieces to like wheels and make big contraptions, the goal was the get the ball to the finish line. Sometimes to contraptions when you clicked play would glitch out/lock up and shoot off the screen when you hit play. I played this in school (I’m in my 30’s now) and wanted to get the game for my son to play it. I remember people would make weird contraptions and save them to the game to log back into later. So picture this, you’d click a little ball and connect them together, draw a little pipe and click play, then everything would start moving. It was like a cool math.com game to get something to the finish line. Around 2007ish I believe.

You’re a damn fool, you know that?”, said Gemeti.
After they arrived at the palace, Lord Gyholt’s servants showed them to their quarters where they would stay with the Fursaglan lord’s own staff. It was a spacious set of rooms, whitewashed walls and a light breeze gliding in from the outside bringing in the awful smell of the city’s smoke. They seemed nice enough though there was no way to communicate anything to them since neither group knew the other’s tongue. Gemeti took a reluctant Ettu away from the main group to chastise her in a corner of the room.
Ettu sighed heavily, “Yes, I know. You’ve done nothing but tell me since I joined Lord Palanu’s service. He can punish me if he wants to. That Marhuk’s smile and laughter would be worth every bit of misery”. She could still picture that beautiful smile he had that made her heart skip a beat.
The other woman put her fists in her hips, “What would your mother say about this?”.
Ettu laughed, “She would hand me a flask of animal fat”.
Gemeti blushed and sucked in her breath in irritation before throwing her head back in a guffaw. That’s when Ettu knew she had her. Her mother always told her to win people over with a smile and a jest and ever since it had worked like a charm and got her out of trouble many times. The other woman stopped suddenly when she realized she was loud enough to draw the gaze of several of the other servants but then giggled more quietly with Ettu.
The giggling was cut short when a Fursaglan servant hurriedly entered the room and closed the door behind him. He leaned against the door as if bracing himself to prevent anyone else from coming in.
One of the other Fursaglan servants walked up to him and asked a question. Before he could answer, a sword ran through his back and out of his stomach and spat blood out. The worried man screamed and coughed blood as the door hinges broke and the door itself crushed him. Through the door, came a man in silver armor, other armed men behind him. The warrior was big and muscular which left Ettu in no doubt that he broke the door down by himself. He hacked down the inquisitive servant, killing him with two blows to the head.
One woman belted out an ear splitting scream, cut short by the murderer’s quick dash towards her, ramming his obsidian sword through her heart. Another woman began running for the window which led the others to do the same. More assailants filtered in, slashing at more men and women and creating a pool of gore and guts.
“Oh fuck!”, said Ettu.
Gemeti took her hand and pulled her away from the bloodshed and into the window. But all the servants rushed through at the same time, leaving none of them free to jump out. Hemmed in to one side of the room, they made it easier for the warriors to cut them down.
Gemeti’s face was struck with horror, “Gods! They killed them. Just slashed them like lumberjacks at a forest”.
The first intruder cleaved her head off with his already gory sword. The warrior had been sawing off another servant’s arm when he saw her with an almost feral expression on his face and jumped at her. Blood flew at Ettu’s face, a gasp all that escaped her. She never had it in her to scream but that didn’t mean she wasn’t scared.
Piss slithered down her legs as she knelt before him, “Please don’t kill me. I don’t want to die”, with hands held up as if she could stop a sword swing.
The warrior smiled at her fear, enjoying every second of it. Through his grin he said with a thick accent, “Die, Aroloth”.
Suddenly, one of her hands turned bright green. A sharp pain surged through her arm and manifested itself in a lance of fire, blasting from her palm and into the murderer’s chest. He fell down, never knowing what killed him.
At the north wing of the palace, Lord Gyholt was gesturing at his Sentinels, barking out orders and cursing at his manservant to put the armor on faster. He had men watch the windows to gauge the enemy numbers and servants cowering at a corner. Meanwhile, Palanu calmly ran an oilcloth along his khopesh and swung it around to test it amidst all the chaos in the room. Two of his guards flanking him.
“Asula! Go with Mazni and his brothers. By Crudas! Where’s Marhuk?”, said Gyholt as he swore by the Fursaglan god of warriors.
The throne room was a cream-colored, marble representation of Fursagla’s history with intricately etched bass reliefs of the Eagle Kings and their households. The images were everywhere, in each floor tile, round pillar, step in the dais, and the very throne itself. The whole place seemed to burst with reminders of Fursagla’s martial glory as if a man might quickly forget it.
“What’s the best route to the barracks?”, asked the Aroloth lord.
Gyholt shooed his manservant away once he was done, “What? You mean to go out there? Wait for me and my Sentinels. We can go out together to rescue your men”.
A man’s howl of pain took both lords’ attention. One of the watchers was pierced with an arrow in the clavicle. A warrior climbed in through the window as the watcher sobbed at his pain, the sobbing man grew quiet as a sword thrust to the temple ended him. More assailants entered, killing another watcher with a spear through the skull.
Immediately the Sentinels ran to their lord in a wall of bronze and hides and slammed their shields into the ground with an intimidating, “Huh!”. The enemies quickly swarmed the room, tearing arms and slashing necks all the while of any man not behind the Sentinels or Palanu and his guards. One assailant in particular wore Dendra armor and a plumed helmet with cheek pieces and a grim smile plastered on his face.
“Gojan”, said Lord Gyholt.
“Gyholt”, said Gojan son of Asgena.
“Where’s your father? If we could get to him then we can end all this senseless violence and make amends”, said the Fursaglan lord.
The nobleman sneered, “What makes you think we’re stupid enough to believe that?”.
“You were stupid enough to attack my palace”, retorted the former rebel.
The younger man snarled and shouted an order to attack. His men charged, bringing to bear wrathful blows and glory-hounding sprints. Palanu and his two guards (Sylon and Naru-zim) braced for impact, holding khopeshs and tower-like shields except for the Aroloth lord.
Even with the lack of shield, Palanu held his khopesh before him, giving vicious strokes with its hungry edge to the first man that faced him. The warrior had barely grown his chin hairs when he threw himself at the noble with wide eyes and panicky spear thrusts. The khopesh darted out and banged against his copper helmet. While his opponent was dazed, Palanu quickly reversed his grip and hooked the young man’s shield, pulling him away from his companions as if a babe from a nest of vipers. Only the babe landed in a nest of cobras. Once he stole away the shield, the Aroloth pushed the tip of his sword through his gullet and tore it out with a strip of flesh dangling in the hilt. The fight lasted less than two seconds.
The room became a cauldron of action as men on both sides jabbed and pushed each other, a red flood spilling into the floor. In the midst of this battle, Gojan saw Palanu’s prowess with his khopesh. After killing his first opponent, the lord let the next man come only to hack him down with equal vigor. His beautiful, sky blue sleeves became drenched in crimson blood, spit adorned his forehead, fire burned behind his eyes.
The magma in his veins coursed through his body, his whole world narrowed down to his blade and his next victim. He killed them all, the ugly, the beautiful, the sad, and the happy. Gojan watched it all traverse before him. With greedy determination, he pushed past his men to get to the Aroloth lord.
“AROLOTH!”, he bawled.
Sylon saw him first whilst his lord slew yet another traitor and bellowed out a war cry to call him out. The Fursaglan noble fixed his eyes on the bronze-armored guard and stomped towards him, bashing the heads of the remnants of the fighting men still not in formation, chunks of brain-matter and skull-bone flew up and rained down, adding to the collage of death unleashed by Asgena.
Sylon’s khopesh wove a tapestry of slaughter as he ended the lives of men who stood between him and Gojan. There was no speech by either man like in the songs, no ceremonies like in Strohinite duels or war dances like in the Demon Isles, just the fight. Mace met khopesh, stone against bronze. The bronze-armored man expected to get a few chips off his opponent’s weapon but had realized it was spell-bound. Gojan grinned nastily as he belted out an animal growl that caused it to glow a deep purple and they clashed again.
The blade juddered and nearly leapt from Sylon’s grasp this time, but he bit his tongue in determination and his knuckles whitened as he tightened his grip. The mace spat lightning and hissed with every touch. Another series of clashes pelted Sylon’s khopesh with many notches. Battle-madness held him, veins popped out along his hands and forehead. The Fursaglan noble lost his grin and sweat beaded his brow as he only barely swept aside yet another lunge from the guard.
Though he was an expert warrior trained from birth, Gojan only ever fought against peasants in the battlefield. Unbeknownst to him, Sylon was as blueblooded as he was and was considered gifted for his young age. When the son of Asgena realized the man wasn’t going down, he grew desperate, driving harder swings into his opponent and expending more of his strength.
Sylon realized this and simply let his shield take the beating. The cured hides blackened and light wisps of smoke rose from the places the Fursaglan bashed with his mace. The Aroloth man’s muscles jolted, the slight twinge of fear that belied his defence fueling his every move and stratagem. With a twist of wrist, the mace slid by and took the Fursaglan’s momentum with it. Out balanced and out maneuvered, Gojan was at the mercy of Sylon’s blade. The tortured khopesh sank deep with a vengeance between shoulder and neck.
Nerveless fingers dropped the mace, the deep purple glow dissolving into thin air. The noble warrior himself staring at the ground with glazed eyes and dripping blood. Sylon slid the khopesh out and much of his neck with it. Before the body dropped on the floor, the guardsman yelled out, “For the Emperor!”, as he awaited the next foe.
Naru-zim fought methodically, cold calculation and ruthless determination guiding his strikes and parries. Both khopesh and shield were trained for offense and defense and narrow was the window which a man could strike true against a foe like him. Nary a flinch shook him from his deep concentration from the killing, slicing flesh with a butcher’s precision and sending souls to the River Vim which was his people’s concept of the afterlife. He made no war cry, he let his blade do the talking. And it sang a bloody chorus as men fell like trees in a logging camp. After his last swing felled another man, he noticed the rest of the traitors were retreating with tails between their legs. Cowards, he thought. A man should stand and fight until his lifeblood oozed from him.
Palanu wiped his khopesh in the cleaner parts of his clothing, “Peace be with you”, he said to the dead men who were his victims.
“They were traitors to our God, Lord Palanu. No men are less deserving of mercy as these”, said Naru-zim as he stabbed a groaning traitor and left him in a pool of his own blood.
“Mercy is a gift of the righteous, my friend. A man is not judged more than when he has the upper hand”.
Naru-zim bowed at his lord politely before he turned a corpse over and pushed his khopesh into its neck. When Sylon strayed from them to kill more of the wounded, he barked out, “Sylon! What are you doing?”.
The other guard turned to him, “What do you think? Killing the enemy”.
Naru-zim screwed up his face in anger, “Our job’s to protect Lord Palanu not running off after the enemy”.
“How else do you protect him if not by killing the enemy?”, said Sylon, flabbergasted.
“Enough, both of you”, growled Palanu, “Like a pair of old wives, you are. We are still in the presence of Lord Gyholt and his Sentinels. Don’t shame the Emperor’s name”.
The two guards muttered their apologies and Sylon jogged back to Palanu’s side.
Lord Palanu approached Lord Gyholt and gave him an apologetic smile, “Please forgive the disgrace you witnessed, my lord. My men are… young and untested in the realm of manners and discipline”.
The Fursaglan lord nodded in understanding, “They are like brothers. I’m certain it is merely their eagerness to serve”.
Palanu nodded thankfully yet in the back of his head he was disappointed. ‘All my life I’ve heard of the many glorious deeds of the guardians of the God. I never pictured them bickering amongst themselves’.

Dad and Son. Have you met duo like these? What do you think about them?
Hello everyone, I was browsing a dating app today when I noticed intriguing about one of the profiles. The profile shows a 18-year-old guy with a man who appears to be in his 35s to 40s but who is also pretty attractive and in good shape. They look like a great couple in the profile, with the boy resting on his shoulders and them hugging. It's very romantic, and to be honest, I was envious of the boy. following that, as he saw in the views area, the boy texted me. I responded hello back, adding, "I'm pretty jealous of you because you have a great partner who looks awesome." He claimed that despite the his good looks, he is also incredibly loving and amazing in bed (I can see that in pics).
Where did you pick up him, I asked? In his house, he responded. "In home?" was my response. Yes, he is my father. It made me mortified. But I apologized, saying, "I thought you were a couple". I suddenly remembered that he also said something fantastic in bed. I I was confused and asked him, you said he is your dad but also said in amazing in bed( there is no nudes or naked pics of them ). They are in a relationship and he is his biological father, he claimed. I thought, "You must be kidding me." First, he sent pictures of himself. enjoying Father's Day with his family (obscuring other people's faces). He sent pictures of his early years. Okay, so it indicates you are a father and a son. I was thinking okay, and now I see he is attracted to his father and has these thoughts in his head and this not real. I told him the same thing. Upon receiving the messages in reply, which included pictures and videos of them doing that, I was left perplexed (to be honest, watching his dad do it made me incredibly horny). Following that we had a long conversation. He mentioned his father and described tales of how, why, it happened and how their life is going on( yes, I was astonished as well because he is oversharing everything with a stranger). However, I questioned why he was keeping his father in photos as well as warned him about how our nation still views us as taboo( it's legal for same sex relationships, but society it's hard, and thinking it is a father and son relationship). If someone finds this, will you please accept? He clarified that he needed someone to talk to about his fight with his father. proceeded, after reading my profile's bio, I appear sincere. He enjoyed our conversation. Additionally, he said that he would not use these applications in his state. He only makes use of them when traveling. Finally, I found out how old he is—24, but he appears to be in his 18s. and his father is 53 (I wish I could meet him once, he he he). He works, but he hasn't revealed his name, location, or employment—he has to travel for work one week out of every month. Thus, this is the tale. Guys, what are your thoughts?

So, we saw MIL today and I’m here again to vent.
First thing I noticed was her outfit. Hi, yes it’s me, again. I’m the one whose MIL announced to the entire family that she fully intended to copy my entire wardrobe and start dressing like me, the woman her son is actively making babies with. Even FIL said MIL wants “all my dresses” and that it’s weird.
So, I don’t dress that alternatively but my style is pretty distinct and I’ve been dressing the same way since high school. I have known MIL for nearly 10 years now and she used to dress nothing like me. Different color scheme and completely different style. I tend to wear a lot of bright floral print dresses and skirts, usually tea length or longer. MIL has never been a dress person. She literally wore pants to my wedding. Another thing I do is I’ll pair skirts with cream lace tops and spaghetti strap dresses with cream lace cardigans. I know it’s nothing super alternative but I’d literally never seen my MIL wear anything like that, and I don’t do it often, because I usually buy dresses with sleeves.
So, what is MIL wearing? A bright floral dress with a cream lace top thrown over it. The attention to detail would be creepy if it weren’t so pathetic. She literally decided (and announced) that she’d start copying me last summer so she bought a pile of cheap crap from Amazon and Shein and it shows. I’ve been building up my wardrobe with beautiful natural fiber pieces for years. She’s in a rush to rebuild her wardrobe from scratch just to look like me. Her dress was completely sheer. I could see everything and the lace top was ugly and ill fitting.
The second she sees my toddler, it’s like she throws all common sense and social graces to the wind and turns into a dog that can’t stop jumping up and humping people and you have to bark orders at her to get her to stop. She doesn’t ask, she doesn’t think, she just does and assumes everyone is just as excited as she is for her to do whatever the hell she wants.
MIL kept talking about going outside and was shut down multiple times. It was like 85 degrees out there and she doesn’t have a yard. She lives in the city so it’s mostly sidewalk and asphalt out there. The one tiny patch of dirt she owns is completely covered in rose bushes. There’s nowhere for a toddler to be. He gets plenty of outside time at home, in the countryside. Right now he just wants to explore grandma’s house. We’re all good, hanging out inside under the ceiling fan. Toddler shows zero interest the multiple times MIL tries to call him over to the door to look at something out on the street. Finally, she just takes toddler by the hand and pulls him out the door???!!
My husband jumps up, yelling: “MA!! You can’t just take him outside!”
She starts arguing “he’s not going to run away! He’s not going to run away!”
Like wtf lady, why are you so desperate to take him away from everyone else? And what are you going to do if he did run? You know damn well you can’t run after him in your see through dress with your knee pain!
I asked my husband who his mom thinks she is that she can just take him out into the street without us and without asking? She doesn’t understand her role.
She also started telling me her plans to enroll my son at a private preschool near her and that she (meaning FIL because MIL doesn’t drive) would come pick him up and drop him off every day. First of all, they live an hour away so that’s 4 hours total for FIL to drive and 2 hours daily in the car for my toddler and for what??? We live in a great school district and the elementary school is literally walking distance from my house?! We also already have meetings and evaluations set up all summer with the school district because my son has a speech delay and is in early intervention so he’ll be enrolled in a speech program in the fall.
So I’m like “No, thanks, MIL. We’re already talking with our school district for this fall.” Like, bitch, I know it’s fun to daydream but most of us keep that crap to ourselves. Because if you’re making ridiculous future plans involving other people’s lives and children when literally no one has asked you to do so, all you’re doing is daydreaming, and that’s fine. But no one wants to hear it.
She also tried picking up and carrying my toddler down an extremely narrow and steep set of stairs, the kind that curves and has narrow triangular shaped steps. I had to snap at her not to do it, after I had stated repeatedly that we’d wait for my husband to come help us down. I followed her, DH and toddler upstairs with my newborn in my arms because I knew she would try and pull some stupid, unsafe crap like that while my husband was busy. Her and FIL moved to the downstairs apartment specifically because she couldn’t physically keep going up and down those stairs BY HERSELF and now she wants to carry my toddler down them? Ma’am, use your brain.
She just gets too excited to be involved in any capacity that she intrudes and does stupid things and doesn’t ask or think. It would be tolerable if she was a golden retriever and not a grown human woman who thinks she’s in a position to make schooling decisions for my child and take him out into a busy street. She has zero reason to believe we’re in a coparenting relationship with her but she keeps daydreaming about that level of involvement and discussing her daydreams with us like we want to hear it. She’s exhausting to deal with.
Thanks for reading my rant

My mother in law is here for a visit and while my (32f) husband (32m) was running an errand, I asked her why she and his dad divorced. They bought a house right before the recession and I always chalked it up to the stress of that tore them apart but what she told me was actually insane.
This is a long one.
She goes, “well it was a lot of things and secrets that were kept from me, including the weird fetishes”. I jokingly replied, “oh ahaha you mean leather stuff?” She said, “well that and the women’s clothing”
She goes on to tell me this story:
The night before their wedding, they were getting intimate. She reached down and felt lacy women’s underwear. She was shocked and asked wtf was going on because she thought it was a joke. They had been together a while and this had never happened before. He just replied that he thought it might turn her on and that was it.
Flash forward to my husband in grade school working on a school project. He needed to print stuff and my MIL took out the family laptop. When she opened it, she found pictures of naked women sprawled out on hotel beds. When FIL got home, she questioned him about it and he said it was just a joke, he had gone to a conference and his buddies and him did it as a joke. She obviously didn’t believe him but they had just poured their lifesavings into this house.
Not too long after that, she was cleaning their bedroom closest when she found a box that she didn’t recognize. In that box was pictures of FIL in women’s clothing, including some pictures of him in her cloths. She confronted him about it and he said it would never happen again.
Come to find out that my SIL AND BIL stumbled upon him in women’s clothing in their backyard one morning and said “we don’t have to tell mommy about this right?”. And they didn’t until they were teenagers.
Throughout this time period, she would see him at the kroger out by the dumpsters throwing things away. Additionally, he had a burner phone. She never went dumpster diving but when she tried to talk to him about it things would get violent. This escalated to him leaving the house for prolonged time periods, including overnights. She had to tell him multiple times that she didn’t care what he did but he couldn’t just walk out of his kids life’s.
Her friend and her husband were close with them and the husband and FIL got together one day so he could talk to him in private. He told him, “I just don’t want responsibility anymore”. Upset and needing a distraction, my MIL took her and the kids on a trip to California with family.
When she got home, all the trash had been taken out except for a single piece of paper with a schedule on it. A day plan for what she assumed was a date.
They had a joint bank account, so she checked it. It was completely empty. He had been using their joint debt card to take women on dates. Once she found this out, she demanded that he give her the debit card and get his own bank account. When he refused, she took the family laptop and he flipped out. Fearing this, she ran into the neighbors house with the kids and the phone.
Not long after this they got a divorce. He didn’t want hardly any custody of the kids and she had to convince him to at least do a weekend once a month.
He later remarried and exactly 5 years later got a divorce. A similar cheating situation. She found him sending emails about how he didn’t want to go home to his then wife.
Now he’s about to marry someone younger than my husband and I’s age. Meaning, I’ve dated men older than her. FIL has recently become very demanding of my husband in regards to the wedding. A destination wedding that is around a 3 day trip driving. He demands that we go to with our 12 year old son and pay our own way to. His current finance has a superiority complex over us despite being younger than our age. There’s is a disturbing amount of PDA and I think she contributes to the agression that he recently had been showing with my husband. We’re at the point where family (including MIL) is calling and texting us about how heart broken FIL will be if his son isn’t at the wedding. Trying to guilt us into it, even though my husband doesn’t want to go and we frankly can’t afford it as I was just laid off and we have a mortgage.
This is his 4th wedding He insists we stay in the after party house with our child and strangers but I can’t even trust him.
No one is concerned that he might have more kids in his old age. No one is concerned about the trauma my husband was put through and no one sees the corolation to maybe why he doesn’t want to go to the wedding.
I’m not sure if his fiancée is aware of the cross dressing.
I don’t think it’s my place to tell my husband any of this but I feel like he should maybe know why I don’t ever want our son spending the night around him. It’s not just the women’s clothing but the secrets that he kept and the fact that we arnt sure if there is more that he’s hiding.
Edit: changed some details to make this a little more ambiguous since my in laws are on Reddit.

We've been looking for a new cat for 3-4months now (my Pixel died in early September...) and I and my bf had an instant crush on two siblings. We never saw them irl but they have pictures and detailed descriptions and we seemed perfect for each other's in everything. So I filed the demand, spent three days writing a good justification for why I thought we were the perfect family for them, and two members of the association came to our home to make a control visit. We talked about what changes we were making in the house to welcome them, we asked if they thought anything else needed to be changed, and we reassured them about the fact that I was installing a net on the balcony and that we won't take them before it's fully cat-proofed anyways (especially since this is the way Pixel died, we take it seriously now). I promised I would buy them a third litter and the pricey food they're used to. At this point we were confident, excited, we'd told my bf's son about it and everything. We thought, "this is it, they are our new family members. But we then received a mail saying the adoption was not happening bc we didn't install the net, and bc our appartement is too small and cluttered for two cats.
We live in 65m2 not counting the balcony. We have two sets of cat plates, a water fountain, a giant cat tree, cat beds everywhere, three litters, toys, and a 12meters long balcony. We do have a lot of furniture, our desks are most often in a big mess, we can't walk in the living room when the laundry is drying and the balcony is 75cm wide. But I've had cats my whole life and in my experience they actually prefer cluttered spaces, kinda like hamsters. Bc it makes them feel safer, more stimulated, they have more to hide in and climb on. But these two ladies are actually members of a cat association. Are they right? We kinda liked the idea of having two cats again, is it that bad of an idea right now? Or are they just two old women who judge the adopters by their standing and decoration?
Edit: I must add we'll be moving in a much bigger house at the end of my studies, in about 3years from now.