I’ve always wanted to be a mom but this feels nothing like what I always thought it would. Of course I knew I’d be tired but I didn’t realize it would make me so angry. I didn’t realize everything about this whole experience would make me so angry. I’m angry about what I had to go through to have this baby, I’m angry that I have to go through it and my husband doesn’t, I’m mad at myself for going through with this pregnancy and thinking I could do this, I’m angry about how my body looks and feels postpartum and that after 6 months of living in sweatpants and old gym clothes, I’m still living in sweatpants and gym clothes and I feel like a slob and it makes me feel like shit about myself. I’m absolutely PISSED at the number of people making comments about us having more kids, and my husband is among those people making those comments. It fills me with so much resentment towards him when he makes comments about having more kids because it just brings me back to how I have to go through so much physically and mentally to have kids and he doesn’t have to experience any of it. It’s easy for him to demand children when he’s not the one doing all the work. And it makes me angry in general when people ask me about having more kids when I just gave birth literal WEEKS ago. I never want to put my body through this again. I’m so disturbed by my labor experience and it makes me sick to think of the damage done to my body. I used to be pretty active and now the most exercise I get is walking around every day which, surprise, makes me angry. I’ve never hated being a woman until now. I never want to go through this again. I keep seeing women posting pregnancy announcements and all I can think is ‘don’t do it!’

I'm going to start my A levels in September (my exam board is cambridge) and I'm confused about my subject choices. Initially, I was planning to go with math,cs, and either chem or physics for my third choice. However, I'm not really good at physics and I doubt I can score a good grade. I wanted to take chem but it doesn't have any relation with the field I want to pursue (any cs related field) and I don't like the memoration part of it. I am interested in learning economics, and might want to pursue an economics related field in the future but I didn't take it econ at o level. How challenging would it be if I did take it in A levels? How memory intensive is the subject and is it worth taking with math and cs? I heard it is an essay based subject and I have good essay writing skills. Thanks in advance

I'm a 24M white European and I have a "problem", I'm extremely attracted to Asian women and I'm wondering whether it's okay or not.
I don't think I'm fetishizing them for just being Asian because I don't find just any Asian woman attractive and to be with one our values and outlooks on life would have to be aligned. Some people will only want tall blondes (yes, I know such men), I only pretty much only want Asians. I had both Asian and white gfs.
I also find the idea of being with an Asian woman appealing because of the chance to build a multicultural household with her, have our kids experience two (or more) cultures and languages. I'm assuming it would be multicultural because there are hardly any Asian people in my country.
This brings me to another problem, since there are no Asians where I live, I'd probably have to temporarily move to Asia or travel there extensively.
There seems to be a lot of hostility towards men who are into Asians. Let me clarify, I don't think I'm better than anyone and I'm not a passport bro. Some Asian countries are more developed than my country. I just am attracted to Asian women physically very much, I enjoy many aspects of Asian culture (as well as don't like some such as materialism present in many of them).
Is there something wrong in my approach, should I just get over it and settle for a girl from my country?

Hello everyone, very new here (like, today) and I don’t have a diagnosis so I hope this is a an appropriate place for me to be…
I have never had any reason to suspect endometriosis. My periods have always been very manageable in both flow and discomfort. I did undergo infertility treatment but was never given a diagnosis of endo or any reason to suspect it.
HOWEVER, I have a 3 year history of mysterious rectal bleeding. I’ve had physical exams and a colonoscopy with no findings (a “perfect” colonoscopy, no fissures, no hemorrhoids). When it kept happening, I was told that I must just have “a delicate” rectum. Cool.
I finally just connected that it always happens in the week before my period (not every period, but a few times a year). It is painless, bright red, definitely rectal and only when I have a BM. A quick google search tells me it could definitely be gynecological given the timing.
I’m not asking you all for a diagnosis but I’ve found reddit communities to be such a thorough and beautiful source of wisdom. Before I reach out to my doctors (again), is there anyone here with a similar story?

TL;DR: I have way less opportunities for building up ECs than one'd expect, residing in a close-to-vilage town; financially or otherwise. Do I have a chance for studying Biology (most likely PG) abroad (such as the US or UK)?
my_qualifications: ICSE 10th grade, 98.8% Bo5
Starting with what I mean by "situation" in the title, it, as a matter of fact, doesn't symbolize some excruciatingly painful or physically deranging position or anything even close to that; it's something a lot more commonplace (at least from what I've seen in real life): I reside in a pretty small and isolated town and this alone ticks off a lot of boxes for a reduction in chances I'd ever get out of India. What I have gathered over the course of my obviously inadequate research on the Internet that it is pretty inevitable that those who get in have exceptional academics, even out of the stipulated curriculum. - One that I've seen often being mentioned is the AP classes administered by the College Board; a typical applicant takes anywhere between 5 and 20 (!) AP courses and somehow gets a 5 in all of them – the highest score, I presume – all the while acing the exams held in their respective curricula. I was interested, of course, although I was stumped by noticing the testing fee for one AP itself; courses themselves are a whole another thing. - The other option I stumbled upon was Olympiads. Some googling led me to the official websites administering the regional, state, and national level Olympiads in different sciences. They were cool and all, but – as far as I understand – you'd need an educational institution or anything similar to apply for such a thing, which is most likely not possible to do here. I might be incorrect though, and while this is a clear tangent to the original question, I would like to know if I can self-teach myself the kind of skills different Olympiads like IPhO, IMO or IBO (or anything similar that would look fine on my resume) demand, as well as if I can apply for them by my own.
My academics? Just a "class topper" tag multiple times and winning a few very localised competitions. Haha.
Even with exceptional academics, it's only a barebones requisite for actually having a chance. I was acquainted of the fact that people who get in have gone out of their way to do stuff that's very unique - and I believe stuff like this is a differentiator for selecting people. Especially at the top Unis. - The most popular EC were starting / leading clubs or similar. An applicant usually started one on their own due to a lack of such an organised body at their schools for interested people. This is out of my reach, too – where I studied till 10th grade in did have clubs, but they were taken down on account of pandemic and since then the Principal has been hesitant to restart them. No real activity was happening in these clubs, anyway. - The other niche thing I saw was publishing research papers or participating in essay competitions where you formally put forth a unique standpoint about something. I'm once again incapable to do so, as far as I could see: my understanding is that you're supposed to conduct experiments or at least partake in a STEM-based research body that does these experiments, and either unanimously or otherwise publish the findings and conclude certain things. I might be wrong, again, but this is what I've come to know – and I definitely have no opportunities where I live to even start doing anything; more specifically, a bigger problem is that I have no idea what to do at large for getting into stuff like this. - Raising money for a cause? Nope. Nada. Zero possibility. - Starting public awareness camps / hosting conferences related to my major / NGO? Also not possible.
Now I know there are many (a lot many, I presume) cases where someone didn't have stellar ECs on their profile but still got in, which would allow someone to hurl back at me with the following points, in my opinion:

The AOs do not see a huge brag-list of near-perfect grades and out-of-the-world ECs; they only see if what you've done over your high school period is helpful.

That's the most common point I see everywhere. While I do understand what it implies, I honestly don't think I ever had a chance to do so - my school, as it is now inherently deducible, is pretty dogsh*t at providing opportunities for stuff like that. On top of that, the place I live, and the contacts I have with people, have almost no knowledge of what it takes for someone to apply to abroad colleges. Therefore, the long and the short is, the number of notable activities I've undertaken during or before 9th grade is infinitesimally small.

You can try your best to have a very good CGPA in 11th and 12th and partake in international-level exams.

I certainly can ensure the first half of it; the second half? I don't even know where to start - I feel what I've gathered till now is just an innate cloud of tension and presumably erratic bits of information with no continuity.

You can move outside and study in an international board such as IB, A-levels, etc.; for the most part, these have a higher weightage in foreign colleges than ISC or CBSE.

Sadly not possible because those are waaaay outside my affordability.
I think that's a pretty feasible summary of the information I've congregated beginning from the past year up-till now. If there is any mistake or misconception that I might bear, please let me know! And going back to my initial question: Do I still have a chance to open up a whole new pathway to pursue studying abroad? Should I stick with being in India?

Throwaway here
Up until a few days ago I (39m) was dating/just establishing a relationship with a single mother (41f). We have been seeing each other for just over 2 months. Not a long time I know but the ease in which we connected really felt very unique and different than past relationships. A fact she acknowledged more than once. We share similar perspectives, find enjoyment in many of the same things, equally dorky and awkward. We really felt in sync.
I know the intensity of feelings I felt towards her were disproportionate, in a typical sense, to the amount of time we spent/knew each other. When speaking with friends I even said it was stupid I felt this strength of connection so quickly. I know it's easy to think I was naive or seeing things that weren't there, but I am confident that's not the case. There were real reciprocation of feelings and intensity in moments that we both identified. I think I communicate well, I am clear, and understanding, and a good listener. She really appreciated this quality and as such was very open and clear about her feelings towards me as well. Saying things like how she's never dated someone like me (I've been through some shit, did therapy, became pretty emotionally intelligent and self-reflective as a result), telling me how appreciative she is for me, gave me a card stating this on the day she started to pull back actually, how my touch gives her tingles. Straight up telling me a week before how she really likes me.
Yes we were intimate a few times. Intense and mutually satisfying, had improtu spicy chats during the day including the day before we last saw each other. On top of her words and discussions there were actions that also spoke to her really being serious about the connection we were developing. She happens to live right next to her parents and her sisters family. Now she could have kept me separate from all that, but she didn't. I met her sister pretty early on when having a date night at her house. Then a week later she invites me to her sister's house for a little BBQ, was an excellent night. And I ended up meeting her parents too. Not by happenstance either, but rather here come inside my parents house and say hello. And she was having conversations with her son about me and trying to get him comfortable with the idea of meeting me. I even helped her move appliances with her and her dad 3 days before the pull back and 1 week before she ended it. I even installed the washer and dryer for her, then encouraged her to go to an event for her son right after I got done, without me. I didn't do it for any other reason than I really liked her and acts of service are one of the ways I show how I care and it made me feel good to do it, to be there for her. This all has a certain connotation or level of seriousness in a relationship all in its own.
My emotions fed off of her words and actions, maybe my openness and honesty felt like a bit much at times, like I was oversharing. But it was honest and reciprocated every time. There were palpable moments of electricity between us.
Then came the pull back...she is a nurse who works 12 hour shifts and has shared custody of her son. I work a typical m-f schedule. So as we are building this whatever it was, spending time together was a challenge sometimes. I completely respect her keeping me separate from her son until the time was right, never pushed, always accepted that her role as a mother comes first.
So she asks me if I want to do dinner at my house for this past Tuesday. Tuesday is my golf night, but I made an effort to go to work early, leave early, get my match done early so we can have a nice evening. I even took the morning off in case we were up late, so we could maybe wake up next to each other and enjoy sometime together in the morning. She was really excited about this, or rather implied that she was. Even had the spicy talk the day before.
Then she arrives and I can tell something is off. Shes not as receptive to my touch, dynamic is off. After dinner we sit on the couch and she breaks down in tears. She's feeling like we are moving fast, she feels like our texting is taking away from time with her son, wants to dial it back. She has her son for a 5 day stint starting the next day, doesn't want to feel tethered to her phone, wants to feel present. Okay, I get it, respect it, no problem at all. She then tells me about how her divorce went down, kind of wild and not exactly how she made it seem at first. She definitely still is working through that stuff and the ex dynamic is poor and I think he bullies her and knows her buttons. I straight up told her that if I was her partner I would be there and defend her and not let his bullshit slide (maturely, I'm 40 and don't need to be physical). She did say a few times that she was always waiting for the other shoe to drop with us because of her past relationship trauma. But guys, I have no other shoe. I'm a god damn gentleman doing his best to operate in a time when women are more independent, and I support it and respect it.
I send her an email the following day apologizing if I came in to strong, I believe in what we are building, I respect boundaries and her and all her terrific attributes. She responds by saying it was beautiful and she looks forward to moving forward with me. I also suggest phone calls or Video chats in lieu of texting moving forward. And I assured her I didn't need to be in contact 24/7 and that I like my independence as well.
Over the next couple days I let her lead the conversation. If she texted I responded. Typically it wasn't immediately but within 15 minutes unless I myself was busy. I wouldn't try and engage in long discussions. Just little check ins it seemed like. Then her text style changed again, less frequent, no emoji, no real engagement from her in to my activities. I felt it coming.
She was ill over these past few days with bronchitis and was having her period, she felt cruddy and I felt bad I couldn't be there for her like I wanted to. I would ask how she was doing, if she needed anything. Her response was that I was sweet but she could manage. But she began to not ask me about what I was up to, or really engage much at all.
Saturday she ends it, says she hasn't really put all her focus on being a mom since her divorce (4 years ago), she made some relationship mistakes post divorce, still healing, really wants to be there for her son (kid sounds amazing btw). But okay, yeah I am bummed but I respect it. What else can I do right? Kid comes first, I get it.
But you know what really bothered me is that when asked about what we were felt for each other, if it was real, she denies we had this special connection and that she thinks she was forcing it....so my long winded question here is... After all that, does that sound like she was forcing it? She said she felt there was an incompatibility but couldn't identify what it was. She's sorry for leading me on, then tells me not to lose her number. Like wtf? I think she is either lying to herself to make herself feel better or there is something else going on. My hypothesis is that our potential scared her, she doesn't want to get big time hurt again and is anxious about it and somebody put the bug in her ear that the feelings she is having is because she is forcing it (she mentioned a comment a coworker made to this extent about it being forced because she wasnt as giddy as she had been, I think she was fearful and this person labeled it as force). I say this because it all doesn't make sense, I am probably wrong, help me make sense of this, please.
Tl;Dr built a wicked connection with a woman, have evidence it wasn't one sided, special connection, met her parents, installed her appliances, got dumped a week later and was told it wasn't real but forced.

I’ve been trying to go out of my comfort zone more and go to social/music events SOLO in attempts to make new friends as my girlfriend is currently my only close long term friend besides one other. But I keep running into this problem where people only seem to be interested in me physically/romantically and try to pursue me that way and have no interest in me as a potential friend.
I feel like lesbian/ queer spaces the lines are blurred ALOT as most NT women are just naturally flirty and bubbly and have that girly energy that I don’t have and when I don’t respond the same way, they assume I don’t want to be their friend. It hurts more because I see all these other people around me connecting so easily and I end up standing there by myself a lot to the time alone and I feel so humiliated and anxious. I do initiate and go up to people but they act like I’m bothering them at a people mixesocial when they tried to flirt/get my number only afew minutes ago. This has happened around 6 times in the past two weeks, someone comes up me first, compliments me we chat for a bit and then try to flirt and when I try to steer it towards a friendship vibes, people drop me? Immediately stop talking to me and don’t acknowledge me at the event.
Idk it’s frustrating because as a queer women and an autistic one because I cannot tell the difference when they’re playfully flirting or seriously flirting. I have a partner so I immediately shut anything down but my girlfriend ‘flirts’ with her friends all the time?
Maybe me shutting down the playful vibe is what turns people away from me?
Idk sorry this is all over the place and messy. I feel like people don’t actually care for me as a person or what I have to say unless they want to have sex with me. I just really yearn for friendship and understanding and authentic connection that everyone around me seems to have.

Throwaway here
Up until a few days ago I (39m) was dating/just establishing a relationship with a single mother (41f). We have been seeing each other for just over 2 months. Not a long time I know but the ease in which we connected really felt very unique and different than past relationships. A fact she acknowledged more than once. We share similar perspectives, find enjoyment in many of the same things, equally dorky and awkward. We really felt in sync.
I know the intensity of feelings I felt towards her were disproportionate, in a typical sense, to the amount of time we spent/knew each other. When speaking with friends I even said it was stupid I felt this strength of connection so quickly. I know it's easy to think I was naive or seeing things that weren't there, but I am confident that's not the case. There were real reciprocation of feelings and intensity in moments that we both identified. I think I communicate well, I am clear, and understanding, and a good listener. She really appreciated this quality and as such was very open and clear about her feelings towards me as well. Saying things like how she's never dated someone like me (I've been through some shit, did therapy, became pretty emotionally intelligent and self-reflective as a result), telling me how appreciative she is for me, gave me a card stating this on the day she started to pull back actually, how my touch gives her tingles. Straight up telling me a week before how she really likes me.
Yes we were intimate a few times. Intense and mutually satisfying, had improtu spicy chats during the day including the day before we last saw each other. On top of her words and discussions there were actions that also spoke to her really being serious about the connection we were developing. She happens to live right next to her parents and her sisters family. Now she could have kept me separate from all that, but she didn't. I met her sister pretty early on when having a date night at her house. Then a week later she invites me to her sister's house for a little BBQ, was an excellent night. And I ended up meeting her parents too. Not by happenstance either, but rather here come inside my parents house and say hello. And she was having conversations with her son about me and trying to get him comfortable with the idea of meeting me. I even helped her move appliances with her and her dad 3 days before the pull back and 1 week before she ended it. I even installed the washer and dryer for her, then encouraged her to go to an event for her son right after I got done, without me. I didn't do it for any other reason than I really liked her and acts of service are one of the ways I show how I care and it made me feel good to do it, to be there for her. This all has a certain connotation or level of seriousness in a relationship all in its own.
My emotions fed off of her words and actions, maybe my openness and honesty felt like a bit much at times, like I was oversharing. But it was honest and reciprocated every time. There were palpable moments of electricity between us.
Then came the pull back...she is a nurse who works 12 hour shifts and has shared custody of her son. I work a typical m-f schedule. So as we are building this whatever it was, spending time together was a challenge sometimes. I completely respect her keeping me separate from her son until the time was right, never pushed, always accepted that her role as a mother comes first.
So she asks me if I want to do dinner at my house for this past Tuesday. Tuesday is my golf night, but I made an effort to go to work early, leave early, get my match done early so we can have a nice evening. I even took the morning off in case we were up late, so we could maybe wake up next to each other and enjoy sometime together in the morning. She was really excited about this, or rather implied that she was. Even had the spicy talk the day before.
Then she arrives and I can tell something is off. Shes not as receptive to my touch, dynamic is off. After dinner we sit on the couch and she breaks down in tears. She's feeling like we are moving fast, she feels like our texting is taking away from time with her son, wants to dial it back. She has her son for a 5 day stint starting the next day, doesn't want to feel tethered to her phone, wants to feel present. Okay, I get it, respect it, no problem at all. She then tells me about how her divorce went down, kind of wild and not exactly how she made it seem at first. She definitely still is working through that stuff and the ex dynamic is poor and I think he bullies her and knows her buttons. I straight up told her that if I was her partner I would be there and defend her and not let his bullshit slide (maturely, I'm 40 and don't need to be physical). She did say a few times that she was always waiting for the other shoe to drop with us because of her past relationship trauma. But guys, I have no other shoe. I'm a god damn gentleman doing his best to operate in a time when women are more independent, and I support it and respect it.
I send her an email the following day apologizing if I came in to strong, I believe in what we are building, I respect boundaries and her and all her terrific attributes. She responds by saying it was beautiful and she looks forward to moving forward with me. I also suggest phone calls or Video chats in lieu of texting moving forward. And I assured her I didn't need to be in contact 24/7 and that I like my independence as well.
Over the next couple days I let her lead the conversation. If she texted I responded. Typically it wasn't immediately but within 15 minutes unless I myself was busy. I wouldn't try and engage in long discussions. Just little check ins it seemed like. Then her text style changed again, less frequent, no emoji, no real engagement from her in to my activities. I felt it coming.
She was ill over these past few days with bronchitis and was having her period, she felt cruddy and I felt bad I couldn't be there for her like I wanted to. I would ask how she was doing, if she needed anything. Her response was that I was sweet but she could manage. But she began to not ask me about what I was up to, or really engage much at all.
Saturday she ends it, says she hasn't really put all her focus on being a mom since her divorce (4 years ago), she made some relationship mistakes post divorce, still healing, really wants to be there for her son (kid sounds amazing btw). But okay, yeah I am bummed but I respect it. What else can I do right? Kid comes first, I get it.
But you know what really bothered me is that when asked about what we were felt for each other, if it was real, she denies we had this special connection and that she thinks she was forcing it....so my long winded question here is... After all that, does that sound like she was forcing it? She said she felt there was an incompatibility but couldn't identify what it was. She's sorry for leading me on, then tells me not to lose her number. Like wtf? I think she is either lying to herself to make herself feel better or there is something else going on. My hypothesis is that our potential scared her, she doesn't want to get big time hurt again and is anxious about it and somebody put the bug in her ear that the feelings she is having is because she is forcing it (she mentioned a comment a coworker made to this extent about it being forced because she wasnt as giddy as she had been, I think she was fearful and this person labeled it as force). I say this because it all doesn't make sense, I am probably wrong, help me make sense of this, please.
Tl;Dr built a wicked connection with a woman, have evidence it wasn't one sided, special connection, met her parents, installed her appliances, got dumped a week later and was told it wasn't real but forced.

I contemplated writing this all day but decided it might be helpful to someone else if I shared my bittersweet EDC 2024 experience.
This year was my second year at EDC, and despite a few negative experiences sprinkled throughout, I honestly had the time of my life.
Saturday, while I was sitting on the turf mound at Basspod VIP, I was assaulted. A guy, we’ll call him Mo, had come up to where me, my wife, and my wife’s friend were sitting and started talking to my wife. They chatted briefly. Then, my wife returned to dancing, and Mo turned around talking to someone else.
A few minutes later, Mo tapped me on the shoulder and said, “You and your wife look so good together.” I replied, “Aww, thank you so much,” and returned to resume my head banging. Not even five minutes later, as I was zoned out, feeling the music and vibes, I felt something brushing against my back. It was Mo.
Now, I know it’s nearly impossible not to brush up against other people, so I try to be super tolerant and understand that most people aren’t trying to be creeps; it’s just close quarters.
But no sooner than I had moved forward a bit, I felt someone’s hand underneath my vest pouch fondling and massaging my breast. Initially, when I looked back, I was confused, but I realized that Mo was lying on his back and had reached his hand under my vest.
When I turned around like, “Wtf are you doing?” He threw his hands up and just started apologizing profusely. I tried to tell him to gtfoh and go someplace else because I didn’t feel comfortable with him behind me, but he just kept saying, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.”
I don't know if my wife’s friend, sitting on my right, saw what happened, but I know she saw me fussing at this guy, trying to tell him to gtfoh. She didn’t say or do anything. Then, I told my wife, who had been talking with another couple, what happened, and that I had tried to ask him to go somewhere else because I didn’t feel comfortable with him behind me but that he just stayed there apologizing over and over. She asked if I wanted to switch seats with her or if I wanted her to do anything, and I just said no.
The boy was clearly faded; he had mentioned this to my wife, and I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s experience, so I just turned around and tried to shake it off. I knew this wasn’t the end, and I was ready.
Again, not even five minutes had passed, and I felt a hand grip my right shoulder. I hear Mo start saying, “I’m so sorry, I…” but before he could finish, I turned around and punched him with probably the best right hook of my life. Or maybe it just felt that way because of how good it felt watching his body reel backward and seeing the anger rise in his face as the realization that he just got socked by a 5’4” 130 lb female set in.
As soon as I punched him, his friends came rushing in, pulling him back like, “Hey, chill! Our friend is just really fucked up right now,” blah blah blah. My wife turned to see the commotion and was like, “Aye, the next time your friend puts his hands on my wife, he’s getting beat tf up.”In response, one of the friends said, “This is my wife right here, so I understand,” trying to tell us we needed to calm down. My wife told them basically, “No, y’all need to get your friend because my wife was just about to cry when your friend was groping her breasts. Do you want to put your wife between him and my wife then?”
Maybe they only saw him grab my shoulder and me socking him, but no matter how I try to justify it, there are so many things wrong with everything that happened. First, if I ever see a woman straight up punch a man TWICE her size, I’m immediately going to ask her wtf happened and if she is ok.
Second, this experience has taught me a lot. It’s been painful, mainly because it still boggles my mind that sexual assault is so quickly brushed off. I’m not expecting anyone to lay hands on someone for me, but a little solidarity would have gone a long way in that situation.
I’m annoyed it didn’t become a scene until I punched him. No one wanted to get up and stand up to this man after he sexually assaulted me in front of hundreds of people—but throw a punch and, wow, the outrage.
None of the friends asked me if I was okay or tried to take him far away from me. I understand my wife and her friend not stepping in too much in the beginning; it is a man who is bigger and likely stronger, and women are often afraid that worse will happen if they make a scene, but still. If we all stood up to him and forced him to leave after assaulting me, it would have felt a hell of a lot better than having to wait to be touched again so that I could physically handle it myself.
With that, my only request is that my fellow rave-goers, please don’t be a bystander or an enabling friend. If you see something, say something. Every conflict doesn’t have to be resolved by violence. Myself and even five other people standing up to Mo saying hey you need to leave or there’s gonna be a scene, would have likely been enough to pressure him to find somewhere else to be a creep. Instead, I had to sit with this man less than a foot behind me who had just fondled and groped my breast and waited for him to strike again to defend myself. Even after I hit him, he and his friends just stayed. Please be the friend that understands when shit has gone too far, and get your friend somewhere different if they are being a nuisance.
It’s a hollowing experience. After I punched him, though, I felt 10000000 times better. I’m saddened that that’s what it had to come to, but the actions of everyone around me indicated that handling it myself was the only option. Maybe everyone around was too fucked up to register what was happening; perhaps they thought it would be better if they minded their own business, I don’t know.
The best part, though, was that afterward, a guy with a bag of wooden fucks gave me one. He said I had zero fucks when I punched that guy, so here’s a fuck. That was genuinely the highlight of my weekend, and if anyone knows this zero fucks given guy, send him my appreciation.
Despite this interaction, I had the most incredible time for the remainder of my weekend. For this one jackass, hundreds of people were kind to me in small ways throughout the weekend. Shout out to all my Basshead headbangers and our new friends from New Mexico, Steve-O, and Alexis, who were ready to find Mo for a little ‘chat’ after we told them what happened later that day. Although we didn’t take them up on the offer, that’s the kind of showing up that I appreciate. I can’t wait to see you all underneath the electric sky again next year.
TLDR: I was groped by a stranger, no one batted an eye, then I punched him, and suddenly, I need to chill. Please don’t be a bystander. See something, say something.

Scared that OCR are gonna steal my 9 in coding today and tomorrow is my only day with 2 exams, mandarin writing and physics 1 😭

Misanthropes find most people annoying.
Typically introverts, they are irritated by most of the BS that fills our lives where other people are concerned.
Women are people.
Misanthropes find them annoying by default.
Hetero male misanthropes are also attracted to women sexually.
So on the one hand, you're physically attracted to someone, tortured by thoughts of fucking them, and on the other, you find five minutes in their company unbearable.
It's not hard to imagine how the above scenario could drive someone toward hatred.
The reality is, if you want any success with women and you're not in the top 5% of men, you need incredible endurance for bullshit. You're going to be rejected. You're going to have your time wasted. You're going to have to listen to people drone on about absolute nonsense with a big fake smile on your face. And even if you're successful, you win a relationship with someone you find annoying. Yay.

I am not even talking about scriptural problems within the bible, You don't have to open a single bible to start seeing the problems,
1-) The Problem of Salvation and Faith (Why the plan of salvation is ridiculous, and has failed)
I.The ridiculousness of the plan
A. Demanding blood for remission of sins Heb 9:22 - Why is this the terms that god insists upon? Isn't he the architect of the parameters regarding sin, punishment, and forgiveness? Is he not able to forgive sin without blood sacrifice? Can he not say, “No blood sacrifice necessary, I just forgive you?”
B. God sacrificing himself to himself to save us from himself by creating a loophole in the architecture for condemnation he engineered in the first place? This is your solution for a problem in which you yourself are the problem. It’s like a doctor stabbing people to be able to operate and save them.
C. Dying for someone else's crime does not equal justice in any court.
D. The sacrifice was not a sacrifice at all :

1. Jesus is said to be eternal
2. He spent a few days in misery out of his billions of years plus of existence
3. He spent a minutiae of a fraction of his existence suffering knowing he would be resurrected after the ordeal and spend eternity in divine luxury, and that somehow provides him justification to sentence us to trillions of years of eternity suffering without end?
4. Jesus is a supernatural immortal who suffered temporary mortal punishment and then sentences mortals to supernatural eternal punishment if they do not receive his sacrifice.
5. Why is three days of punishment followed by eternity in glory sufficient for all the horrible deeds any man has ever committed, but billions of years suffered in hell by a good moral person who does not believe due to lack of evidence is not sufficient?

2-) Nature of The Christian god
I. He is supposed to be an all Powerful and All mighty being and yet he died on a cross by his own creation (If you see someone claiming to be god and then you saw him hie before your very eyes, How on earth are you supposed to conclude anything else other than "This guy is a liar"?)
Modern Christians would respond to this saying "Only the Human part died, The Divine part wasn't affected"
Which again, doesn't make any sense :
A. Even when assuming a human sacrifice is somehow necessary for salvation, The sacrifice of 1 Human being can never be Enough to atone for the sins of all of mankind since Adam and Eve till the return of jesus.
I found a Coptic pope explaining this issue in detail, Here is a link to his book, https://st-takla.org/books/en/pope-shenouda-iii/nature-of-christ/propitiation-and-redemption.html
Quoting from it : "The belief in the One Nature of the Incarnate Logos is essential, necessary and fundamental for redemption. Redemption requires unlimited propitiation sufficient for the forgiveness of the unlimited sins of all the people through all ages. There was no solution other than the Incarnation of God the Logos to offer this through His Divine Power.
Thus, if we mention two natures and say that the human nature alone performed the act of redemption, it would have been entirely impossible to achieve unlimited propitiation for man's salvation. Hence comes the danger of speaking of two natures, each having its own specific tasks. In such case, the death of the human nature alone is insufficient."
It's very clear that saying only the human part died doesn't make any sense, Even according to the Christian theology itself.
B. The Trinity is based on a false idea
I know, It's a classic Argument against Christianity but you can't deny that it's an actual damning argument against the Christian theology.

1. God is all knowing but Jesus wasn't all knowing (mark 13:32)
2. Jesus is supposed to be god, but he is praying to himself to save himself with cries and tears?? (Luke 22:41-44)
3. Jesus is god but we can't say he is good because only god is good?? (Luke 18:18-19)
4. God can't be tempted by evil (James 1:13) but yet jesus was tempted by satan?? (Matthew 4:1)
5. Jesus is god but he can't do a thing on his own?? (John 5:31) 6.Jesus is supposed to be the same as the father, But their teachings are different? (John 7:16)

And so many more, Throught the bible i can't help but notice the intense number of verses which clearly states Jesus can't be god.
3-) The Problem of a Historical Jesus (Why we don’t know the actual historical Jesus)
I. No contemporary historical evidence,
A. No historian alive during Jesus day wrote about Jesus despite ample opportunity

1. The kings coming to his birth
2. Herod’s slaughter of baby boys
3. The overthrowing of money changers
4. Jesus triumphant entry into Jerusalem where he is declared king by the whole town.
5. Darkness covering the whole earth for hours on Jesus’ Death
6. The earthquakes at Jesus’ death
7. The rending of the temple veil at Jesus’ Death
8. The resurrection of Jesus that was seen by 500 witnesses.(Only Paul claims that, even tho he never met jesus)

II. The Gospels are contradicting, late hearsay accounts
A. Mark, the earliest gospel, was written at least after 70 A.D. (referencing fall of temple) by a non-eyewitness, and makes numerous cultural and geographical errors that a Jewish writer would not have made such as locations of rivers, cultural customs regarding divorce, locations of towns or Jesus quoting from the greek Septuagint etc. (see geographical and historical errors in this link, https://holtz.org/Library/Philosophy/Metaphysics/Theology/Christianity/Criticism/Bible%20Problems%20by%20Packham%201998.htm#ERRORS )
B. The other gospels all copied from Mark. Luke and Matthew contain over 70% of Mark and mainly make changes in attempts to fix blatant errors made in Mark and to correct Mark’s poor grammar.The writer of Luke even reveals to us in Luke 1:2 that he was not an eyewitness, but that the story has been passed down to him.
C. Four where chosen by the church father Iraeneus because he believed the earth was founded on four pillars and so too, should the gospels be founded by only four accounts.
Iraenus also revealed the names of the Gospels in the late second century, without any reason to assume they where the authentic authors - no one knows who actually wrote them!
D. John was initially considered heretical by the early church because of its variation from the synoptic but was overwhelmingly popular amongst Christians and so was included.
E. The book of Revelations was also considered heretical by many :
For centuries The Revelation was a rejected book. In the 4th century, St.John Chrysostom and other bishops argued against it. Christians in Syria also reject it. The Synod of Laodicea: c. 363, rejected The Revelation. In the late 380s, Gregory of Nazianus produced a canon omitting The Revelation. Bishop Amphilocus of Iconium, in his poem Iambics for Seleucus written some time after 394, rejects The Revelation. When St.Jerome translated the Bible into Latin, producing the Vulgate bible c. 400, he argued for the Veritas Hebraica, meaning the truth of the Jewish Bible over the Septuagint translation. At the insistence of the Pope, however, he added existing translations for what he considered doubtful books: among them The Revelation. The Church in the East never included the Revelation.
4-) The early church did not seem to know anything about a historical Jesus. Huge amounts of disagreement over Jesus in the first hundred years :

1. Some churches didn’t even believe he had a physical body, prompting Paul to write about that very issue.
   
2. There was an enormous debate between all the major early churches as to whether Jesus was divine or not, this was settled at the council of Nicea by the Roman Emperor Constantine.
   

5-) Which Bible?
A. Over 450 English versions of the bible All are translated using different methods and from entirely different manuscripts
B. Thousands of manuscripts disagreeing with each other wildly in what verses and even books they contain.
C. Different translations teach entirely different things in places, some often leaving out entire chapters and verses or containing footnotes warning of possible error due to uncertainty about the reliability of the numerous manuscripts.
Take a look at this example, 1- Revised standard version 2- Revised standard version Catholic edition 3- NEW revised standard version Updated edition 4- NEW revised standard version Catholic edition 5- NEW revised standard version, Anglicised 6- NEW revised standard version, Anglicised Catholic edition
How many attempts would it take to finally get it right ?!
6-) The Morality of the bible
I don't like using Morality as an argument because i believe it's a subjective thing, But I cannot help but notice how the morals of the OT and the NT are completely contradictory
In the OT god was Angry, Vengeful, Demands war, order genocides, Ordered the killing of children and even the ripping open of pregnant women.
But in the NT he somehow became loving, a father figure, saying if anyone hits you you shouldn't even respond back.

• In Conclusion: I don't think Christianity can be accepted as the truth by any logical person (Even most convert stories i heard were basically "I saw jesus in a dream" or "The holy spirit held my hand")

There is so many Theological confusion, A salvation idea that makes 0 sense, Lack of any form of historical critirea of knowing what is true manuscripts and what is hearsays (The authors of the gospels are all Anynomous),
There is even disagreement within Christianity itself about what stories go into the bible (Many stories have been found out to be false like John 8:1-11 and Mark 16:18)
https://textandcanon.org/does-the-woman-caught-in-adultery-belong-in-the-bible/
The lack of consistency on literally everything makes it one of the least convincing religion in my opinion.

so since we get the formula sheet I'm wondering if that means there will be more or less questions/marks for maths questions in the physics exam?

Okay so some back story, we met at work6 years ago, she was shy and quiet and the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
She already had a kid I knew that and also thought it was absolutely worth it. She did tell me not to worry about the kid which I did think was weird and I told her I was serious so I would not be doing that.
Anyway 3 years we decide that I had a new very well paying job and we both wanted a baby. It took a while but it worked out eventually and I have a beautiful daughter now. My relationship with her son was constantly strained as she just never allowed me to be a role model or a dad to him just constantly blocking activities of just me or him or if I had to do any sort of parenting she would immediately undermine me and coddle him all the time.
Anyway this is where the problems start. The moment she was pregnant she got aggressive and mean. Now I know that can be part of it, women have it rough. But I mean really mean. This is in the UK she was on benefits (this is not to be rude it was her best choice) so her income was real low and I had to do most of the buying etc.
I did everything for her. Took her out bought her things. Showed her affection took her and her son on things that she could never afford and I did treat her really well. I got a bit distant when the abuse was constant, everyday it was something else. Like literally insulting me for how I looked or dressed or a wet towel literally in the hamper, you get the picture it was not nice.
We even got a house which was a joint effort through a housing scheme. I dropped all my savings into that house even levelled the garden (we didn’t even have a finished bathroom) cos she told me she wanted it. I did a lot of it myself. Laid the floors pulled waste (like almost 2t of concrete) out of the garden ground and levelled it almost completely alone.
This is all to say that I did so much for her I truly loved her and to me it didn’t matter she was yelling and shouting everyday cos we were going to make it work. Anyway a year and a 1/2 in the house and it’s almost daily. Shouting screaming. Not all one sided anymore but I had been chipped away that much.
I left. This is my biggest mistake of my life, as she got to do what she wanted. She truly didn’t want me there.
She swears she begged for me to come back or said we should go counselling. I can tell you she did not even message me. Only responding to me or messaging if she wanted something.
I never should of left I loved those 2 kids (I still try to see the son as much as possible - she still tries to interfere) and I see my daughter less than 50% against my will.
I gave her everything, things she never would have had in her life. The house now would still be unfinished if it wasn’t for what I put in.
This is what I need help with. She is almost 31 and she’s got with a 21 year old at work. This is kind of grim to me. I have been asking to come back try for the kids and I love her so much etc etc.
She’s got with someone a decade younger who doesn’t drive has dropped out of college and she says he’s mature but I have met him and he goes out drinking and partying. To me this is a selfish choice as this is not someone who benefits or even cares for the kids.
She’s allowed to be with whoever she wants I get that. And even though I tried my best together and after and I should feel I tried my best but I just feel defeated
A 21 year old she works with. No drive no ambition, (these are facts not attacks on him, I used to work there too. He’s happy to stay minimum wage and does not care to even learn to drive) over me who gave both those kids everything I could and I really did treat her so well truly sucks
She said it’s cos we didn’t have a good connection??? We had a kid together moved in together and then she begged to get a dog with me for the kids even though she hates dogs? To me that makes no sense
The advice now for me is what am I suppose to do? How do I get over her new partner? Again she can do what she wants and yea she says it’s serious and so does he. And what do I do about the son I care a lot but I get a lot of mixed messages about how it should be handled.
Full clarification i unfortunately do still love her. She was the only person I have ever been with emotionally and physically so maybe there’s strong emotions I don’t understand on my end that she doesn’t have? She truly just tossed me away
Sorry final bit I don’t know where to fit it in
We (just me) tried again this year (05 Jan - 6th March) I spent loads of money treating her and the time I got back with the kids. I played with the kids and gave her breaks from them (which is something I did not do well before) but she did not do anything in return emotionally or even try messaging me I had to do everything. Turned out she was messaging this 21 year old for at least a week before that ended.
Thank you for any input
EDIT: I feel like I just need to be clear about the partner cos I know it’s not all about what you offer and what you can do. I just feel like why not someone your age? Or someone who can at least provide experience to those kids? She has said she never wants kids again and apparently he says he doesn’t want one? To me this is just weird I don’t think a 21 year old would truthfully be able to answer that question? Yeh probably doesn’t want kids now but maybe in future when he’s got more figured out. And like I said he’s got no motivation and no drive. It is truly a hold up point for me.
I loved her and I did so much I don’t get how it can be just thrown away. She won’t even meet in person to talk it out. She just says ‘I’m with someone’ I have given up contacting now cos it seems that is truly what she wants. It’s been very depressing but there’s not much I can do about it

General
I am looking for a lady between 28 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I tried to be as concise as possible while still providing what details I think are crucial to know; I realise this post turned out very long, but I prefer those because I can get as good an idea as possible with detailed descriptions, bar actually talking to the person, and find that very valuable, so if that also applies to you, that would be awesome.
Basics
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner (ranging from 5k to full marathon), training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with a fearful avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or in the stadium watching football and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I am looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus (and there have to be at least a couple things we have in common), emotional and sexual compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals (some of which in quite a litteral sense as they make for really amazing pillows) and ideally, you do too.
There is a saying that in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly, like I said, need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well – this just to put the picture I'm (somewhat haphazardly) trying to paint into perspective.
Second, sexual compatibility. I have a high libido and I have kinks, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy them together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, sexual fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. Someone on here has coined the term 'filthy best friends and partners' which I have no shame to be stealing because it's such an apt description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. I love the relationship model outlined in Stan Tatkin’s ‘Wired for Love’ and you should, too. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. I know codependency is the latest thing everyone’s afraid of, but experiencing someone you’ve grown very attached to just bailing because they’re counterdependent and can’t stand working on themselves while simultaneously letting you in is something I’d rather not go through again. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere. If you think’s it’s okay to lovebomb someone and then leave after a couple of months with the minimum amount of information and no proper conversation because you’re not ready to own up to what’s happening to you emotionally, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, be opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: many childfree people seem to be adventurous, but that is a trait I don't associate with myself at all. I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, seeing them change around us, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side (albeit not regarding height), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
The natural progression for me would be to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but having my heart broken because I already developed feelings due to a longer timeframe and then everything unexpectedly turning to shit is not something I want to have to live through again. I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself, I unfortunately had to learn that
Caveats/Possible red flags

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

I am looking for a lady between 25 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner, training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with an avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or at a football game and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I'm looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus, emotional and intimate compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals and ideally, you do too.
Apparently in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well.
Second, intimate compatibility. I am rather insatiable and love to experiment when it comes to the bedroom, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, this kind of fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. I found the term 'filthy best friends and partners' to be a perfect description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
I’d prefer to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself.
Caveats

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I don't want children and had a vasectomy
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

So you must have come across countless articles and posts by women on social media on this topic.
The reasons attributed to why women are happier single and opting out of relationships more than men fall into these 2 categories:

1. Women are more self-sufficient, have strong friendships and support systems that men lack
   
2. Men benefit from the emotional and domestic labor of women in relationships so being single makes them unhappier.
   

It seems no one wants to address the most important reason: That women don't need a serious/long term relationship to obtain sex, physical intimacy, and companionship, but most men do.
Perhaps a better comparison would be between an average looking woman and an exceptionally good-looking man or a male celebrity to find who's really happier single, and who enjoys the single life better. You'll get your answer pretty quick. Men are only unhappier being single because the standards for good looks and physical attractiveness in the casual dating, FWB, and hookup scene are way higher for them, effectively shutting the vast majority of them out of that market. Not because they aren't' self sufficient, can't do household chores, don't have close male friendships or support systems. These are all distractions from the real reason.
Let me put it this way: The single women who are 'happily single' are not truly single at all. They are literally doing everything that they're supposed to do in a relationship sans of shared finances and coparenting with multiple men without putting labels on it. When you say single women are happier than single men, you are not comparing celibate women to celibate men, because being single for most men means celibacy and zero validating experiences with the opposite sex. Being "single" means nothing for women.
What we are not willing to admit as a society at this point is that men face way more pressure to be conventionally good-looking than women. While a woman who's well below average looking by conventional standards with a wallflower personality and a mundane life can get on a dating app and have 1000 men willing to hookup by the end of the week, a man would need to be a tall, handsome male model with a lot going in life to have to have the same number and quality of short term/casual options.
Lets not be dishonest about this