Funny daughter poems

Hey alll! I’m mainly looking to find new gaming friends that share the same gaming interests if possible. I have all consoles and pc and i play alot of games. Ranging from retro to new!
Current games i’m playing are WWE 2k24 and Fortnite too (zero build). But i’ll olay mist anything!
I’m married and have 2 kids, a 6 month old son and a 9 year old daughter. I’m into basic nerdy things. Gaming, star wars, super heroes, DnD, etc. Also trading card games like Disney Lorcana and Star Wars Unlimited.
I watch a ton of Critical Role stuff especially Campaign 3! Currently on episode 74, so if you watch too, let me know! Also like to watch Battle of the Brands on YouTube.
I’m also into movies and tv, some sports, pro wrestling. Collecting action figures and retro games is one of hobbies as well. Anything 80s/90s nostalgia i absolutely love so if you want to talk childhood and growing up back then, i’m down! I miss the good old days where we went to arcades and italian sunday dinners at the grandparents and where the world just wasn’t as nutso as it is today lol.
My kids are everything to me and I do love talking about them. Love being silly with them and spending time with them (when they aren’t driving me crazy lol)..I would prefer you be around my age and have kids as well just so we have that stuff in common off the bat! I’m socially awkward most times but very easy to get along with. I’m definitely considered an introvert. But once you get to know me I break out of that awkward shell. I do like to use sarcasm, and mostly like to try and make people laugh because a world without laughter would just be horrible.
Alright i’ll shut up now but I’d like to think i’m an awesome person to get to know and hopefully there’s more you’d like to know so feel free to DM me! (I looove using GIFs so if you message me, open up with a funny one! Especially since then i’ll know you actually read this 😂)

A little disclaimer before I get fully into it: This was my first real, long term relationship so a lot of things still don’t make sense to me, but I will try my best to explain everything clearly and fully.
Me (19M) and my boyfriend (19M) got together in February of 2023. We met through our job, and even before dating we were good friends for about 6 months prior. During this time in my life, I had just turned 18 and was struggling heavily with my self image, self worth, and the idea that a relationship was even a possibility for me. In fact, I would say i was struggling the most with relationships and men in general. When my boyfriend came along it honestly seemed too good to be true. We hit it off instantly, got along very well, and shared a lot of the same morals and values when it came to dating. Except for when it came to sex, but i’ll go more into that later.
For the first few months, I would say the dynamic worked out well between us. Then, he moved out of his parent’s and in with his best friend and her family, which consisted of her mom, dad, and brother. Since the beginning of the relationship, I wasn’t too crazy about his best friend. I do care about her and have empathy for her, but for lack of better words, my boyfriend kind of let her walk all over him. This seemed to get worse after they started living together. And, it became apparent that they did not see eye to eye on most things and wanted different things out of their living situation. She would get jealous anytime we wanted to spend time together alone, and often times would not let us be alone when I was at their house. This eventually was talked about between them and i will say, in the regards of giving us more space, she did back off. However, their living situation was still toxic. They would have disagreements, but ones that would never be talked about or worked through. In turn, my boyfriend would talk/rant to me about her, and I always agreed with his POV, but that was the end of it. He always said that it’s extremely hard for him to confront people due to his own anxieties and past trauma. I 100% understood this, as I struggle a lot with confrontation too, but when it came to the point of his friend putting stress on our relationship/on me and I would talk to him about it, he would say he understood but nothing would ever be done about it. I could’ve very well spoke up for myself against her, but I was terrified that he would be upset with me and it would cause problems for us. I know that’s unhealthy now but in the moment it felt like I just had to get over it.
Then, around OctobeNovember last year, his friend’s mom ended up kicking both her daughter and my boyfriend out over a very small misunderstanding involving transportation. It was one night that I was taking him home from work, and her mom thought she had to pick him up, so we both showed up to get him. She absolutely flipped out over this and used it as justification to kick him out. Then when his friend tried to defend him against her mom, she kicked her out too. She ended up going to live with her current boyfriend and mine came to live with me. At this point, I had moved about 45 minutes away from our hometown with my dad and step family. I was (and still am) working in said hometown, because I do like my job and most importantly the people I work with. My boyfriend could’ve gone back to live with his parents, but honestly, neither of us wanted that. In hindsight, that’s what should have happened.
Up until this past April, everything was okay with our situation. We were living and working together full time and considering he didn’t have a car or his license yet, I was his source of transportation. Something shifted inside of me though. I found myself not being excited about his presence anymore and also not having sexual feelings towards him anymore, which is highly unusual for me. I felt like I had hit a wall that I couldn’t climb over in the relationship. In that moment, I chalked it up to being a “simple” change in feelings and that we were just growing apart. This did not go very well when I told him. I didn’t expect it to, but I know that he wasn’t even trying to fathom how I felt in the situation and ended up being pretty hurtful about it. The first night after it happened, we had a lengthy conversation over text where he was essentially saying that I ruined him and broke him and that I couldn’t possibly have loved him like I said I did since I was doing this. He also said, and I quote, “You built me back up and made me believe I was finally having the life I deserved and then you destroyed me and left me worse than when you found me”. This of course made me feel immense guilt but I knew it was coming from a place of hurt and I didn’t let it weigh me down too much. He also said that I would never find a friend in him and that this was goodbye, and blocked me on all social media and my phone number. Even though I was the one to break up with him, this still hurt a lot because I did and still do very much care about him.
The next day, he reached back out and apologized for how he reacted and asked me if we could try space instead of a full-on break up. I agreed to this because the relationship really did mean everything to me and I genuinely loved him. I did make sure to tell him that I couldn’t make any promises about my feelings returning but that I would try. And I have. Since then, we have still been working together, just not on the same schedule as before, and he is staying with his parents back in our hometown. We still text on the daily because we both made the agreement that we didn’t just want to go back to strangers. We mainly just talk about work and life and what not, but not much has been said about our specific situation on either end. We both agreed that we needed space. We both also agreed to not really see each other outside of work because we both know it would just complicate things even more, especially if we were to still act like a couple and even more especially if we continued a sexual relationship. This brings us to current day.
It has been about a month of space now and although it’s hard to admit to myself, I don’t want to be back with him. After I’ve had time to think everything over, I’ve realized that I may have put up with more than i deserve/disregarded my self and my feelings for him. Sex was honestly not that important to him, but it always has been for me. It’s not all that I care about of course, but I found myself being told no more often than not. I found myself suppressing my true sexual feelings for him in order to comply to what he wanted. I am also the type of person who likes to try new things, and he was almost always opposed to it. For a while I told myself this was the right thing to do in order for us to work out. With all this being said, our sexual relationship was good and we both enjoyed each other in that way, but it was just very inconsistent.
I also now feel like we just started to want different things out of the relationship. We both needed our own personal space which was impossible at the time, considering we lived and worked together on the same schedules and I was his transportation to and from work and also to hang out with friends when he wanted to. We also have conflicting love languages, as mine is primarily physical affection and reassurance while his are more along the lines of quality time, gift giving, and sharing his interests. As far as the love languages go, I knew early on that they were not the same but I thought we had come to a place where they could coexist. I know now that it was starting not work out that way, and I think he felt the same too although I’m not 100% positive as I found it very hard to understand him and his feelings sometimes, as did he with me.
Like I said previously, he struggles with confrontation. Any time I had an issue with something he did that would upset me, it was usually met with silence and a simple apology or “I don’t remember that/That’s not what I meant.” It seemed like he was taking things as a personal attack rather than trying to understand where I was coming from. One specific moment sticks out to me. One night after work, his best friend wanted to see us before we went home, but she got off of work later than us , which meant we would have to wait around for that. I was very tired due to a long busy day and just wanted to go home as did he, but we stayed and waited anyways because he was afraid of her reaction had we not. I did not respond to this well, and I told him straight up that she walks all over him and that I felt he was not considering how I was feeling about the situation either. All i got in response was confused silence and a simple “I’m sorry.” I was not satisfied with this, and after telling him so, he said how he doesn’t know what else to say/doesn’t know how to communicate how he’s feeling. I ended the conversation there because I could see that I was getting nowhere, but I was still very visibly upset. After we left to go back home, he wouldn’t talk to me and just fell asleep on the drive. This caused me to start crying and after he realized and I reiterated my feelings, I was met with a little more compassion and “i’m sorry”s but then the conversation shifted and no more was said about it on either end.
There were also multiple times that I knew that I had upset him over various things, because he would start acting different (short responses, dirty looks, spending more time on his phone etc). But , when I would ask him what I did, he would just say that he’s fine and to not worry about it. For example, on Valentine’s day this year, I made a very inconsiderate joke about his size (even though it wasn’t true). I was trying to be funny and we both knew I wasn’t being serious, but it still was wrong. It did affect him and eventually he opened up to me and we talked about it, and i apologized profusely and all was resolved. But before that, his demeanor and attitude towards me completely changed and he was treating me very differently. Before we talked about it, I was unaware that the joke I had made was the cause of it, but he told me that he was upset about something I had said but told me it was fine and that he’d get over it, while still treating me differently. I didn’t respond to this well because I knew I had hurt the person I loved, and wanted so desperately to resolve it and make sure it never happened again, but until he brought it to light I was stuck in an intense self-hate/guilt trip.
I will say I don’t recall him ever using any of that against me, but communication is extremely important to me and I just wasn’t getting it. It was like , we always were fine together until the more serious issues came about (differences in intimacy desires, communicating our issues with each other , etc.)
It’s worth mentioning that I also struggle with self image/self worth, and a lot of anxiety/uncertainty. I forgot to include it earlier, but another reason the space is happening is because we lost ourselves in the relationship. We still don’t really who we are or what we want from life. I was constantly preoccupied with how he was feeling and how my actions affected him, and he was constantly preoccupied by turning to me for comfort and safety. I don’t blame him for that though, as I know that we have to fully love and know ourselves/know what we want first before making a commitment to someone else. That’s why I struggle so much with knowing if I’m making the right decision or not. I’m also scared that once I tell him, he won’t want anything to do with me anymore similar to how he reacted the first time. I will forever be grateful for the love that we shared and all the good he showed me and would rather have him as a friend than nothing at all, but I don’t know if that’s the reality. And if it’s not that’s okay and I know that, but I haven’t accepted it. I just want us both to be happy in life and live to our full potentials even if that means it’s not together. If you made it this far I’m sorry for the novel but thank you for taking the time to read. I may be the asshole here and if that’s the case, I will do better and I will make the right decisions. I just need a little insight. Thank you again for anyone who took the time.

Context, last year I was head over heels for a girl who put little to no effort into the relationship in return, I was conflicted by her actions and our experiences all the while i was reading 1984 by George Orwell. I wrote this at a desk in a school hallway in isolation.
Genre: General essay?
14.5.24
To my love,
I’m stuck sitting in isolation with absolutely nothing to do. I’ve crammed so much of 1984 into my head that I’ll need to push some of it out. 1984 is a lot to read. Maybe it’s the way I read it or maybe it’s the pacing but sometimes I'll be reading it and find myself relating to it in a way. A quote stuck with me;”He pulled her round so that they were breast to breast; her body seemed to melt into his.” It reminded me of way back in the abandoned Asda stairwell when I melted into her- semi-conflicted between love and lust. After the stairwell got closed off; I felt as though I had lost a part of me too. I even found another stairwell but I knew it wouldn't be the same. It would feel forced, like how I turned her into me so that we could face each other. Sure it wasn’t with the intention of making out but it wasn't thought through first- almost impulsively. In1984, a couple pages later, it speaks about the kisses turning hard; unlike the smooth, butter-like melt they were before. I can feel that. It’s almost vivid. I feel as though after the thing with Austin, everything kinda crashed. When [NAME] had red hair, it was almost like she was infatuated with me. When she dyed it back to normal, I felt as if I had lost that. I could be delusional but when she said she hated who she was with the red hair, it kinda stuck with me. Overall, It’s very on-off. One moment I find myself fantasizing about marriage; the next, I see myself breaking up with her on the horizon. But after that first DM on insta, I promised myself it wouldn’t be a repeat of everyone else, she wouldn’t be a lesson or a test, she would be the practical, the real fucking thing. The one who kept me up at night simply with the thought of her. Is it bad if I relate to WInston? Lost and conflicted within society and using writing and reading as a means of escape. It isn’t necessarily illegal but the stuff I write feels like it could be critiqued in a way that makes it resistant- pushing against the normal methods of writing. Actually, I despise Winston. He let temptation overcome him. Sure, his environment may have dictated him into fantasizing rape but I still think that shit’s inexcusable. He still thinks fondly of it afterwards when having sex as well. Orwell is so fucking good at writing though. How can someone write so vividly that I have to stop, think and reflect upon my life and experiences. I think I’ll show [NAME]this paper. I’m not 100% sure she’ll read it; my feelings tend to be insignificant to her. But if someone wrote something about me, I’d be ever-so-curious to find out their perspectives. I also find it quite funny how Winston blabbers on to Julia about death but she abruptly shuts him up. Maybe that’s why she wanted me to read it (I need to stop yapping about death in situations where it’s uncalled for). When I write this, it’s like I’m texting her but she isn’t texting back. Or it’s like when I say something drunk with the drowsiness of fatigue and she reads it in the morning and that shit doesn’t hit the same AT ALL. I still remember when she was in Nottingham and we called the entire night. A part of me hopes that next time she calls (if she even does) we will get back into the swing of things and we can rebuild that bond. But for it to happen, I need to take a step back and stop being so fucking high maintenance. I’m constantly writing. My head has an endless flowing dialogue of words waiting to be scribed but not all of them do. Sometimes it feels like i feel too much; I feel so much; so much so that it numbs me to feeling. I’m not sure if you can relate but it’s like bubble wrap almost. Pumped up with feeling, any other emotion bounces right off. Or like a mental paracetamol, that kind of numbness. When [NAME] said that paracetamol burns holes in your stomach; I guess that's why when I feel numb, the words pour right out. Mental paracetamol should be a coined term. I feel like Shakespeare when I say that. Actually, right now, I feel like I’m in a void, a medium almost. A confined corner; trapped by the constant sounds of expensive dress shoes slamming against the hallway floors. I hope she reads this. I hope anyone reads this. I am seeking attention even in solitary confinement. I guess it’s inevitable for “just another kid with ADHD''. I think I’d like to write a book for her. Not in a puppy love-esque way; instead to make something she can enjoy. I’d have to binge a fuck -tonne of feminist literature to make it work. I’d have to live, breathe and regurgitate Sylvia Plath just to make something enjoyable for her (I’m kidding of course). (Not really). I’ve written so much- this could probably count as a fucking book. I’m not sure where she would even find the time to read this. She’ll probably lump it alongside the Smint container (filled with poems for her) to read when we break up. I think perspective changes a lot about a book. It’s not entirely how a book is written; instead, it’s about how you approach it or how you are introduced to it. I’ve been very pessimistic and pushy-away-ey recently. Regardless, I won’t cross anything out unless it’s a typo. I think it indirectly shows progression of a character especially when it’s in the form of hypophora almost. I want to write the best book ever and then die and have no-one read it. I think that's more significant than writing a shitty book and campaigning and promoting and all this consumerist bullshit. If you were proud of your work, you wouldn’t promote it, you would let it find its reader. For me, I’d put it in those tiny bird box community libraries that no one uses. Therefore, if someone craved my work, they could find it in a place they wouldn't look for it. Not for my book to gather dust on a tall decorative bookshelf. This is a bit of a rant i know. SOmetimes I’ll yap and let the words flow instead of actively writing them. Writing words is the worst way to write. You need to apply emotion and let the words unravel themselves. At least, that’s how I write, critique it however the fuck you want. I was once told that my writing is like a conversation- you know the ones where the other person keeps blabbering and you can’t get a word in. I don’t read enough to know if it’s unique or not but I know why I do it. It’s like I’m conversing with myself. I might throw a name in there or add some direct address. This might be breaking the fourth wall a bit but i guess the entire nature of this essay is. I need to read over my writing one day- I hate to do it but I think I’d learn a lot about myself if i did so. My writing feels a little bit lost at sea. It’s very jumpy from one topic to the next- like scrolling on tiktok. Also, I think there's a mix of me searching for empathy via slight victimization and undertones of slight narcissism. I’m probably over analyzing but I like my writing. Me personally, i get lost in the labyrinth of the lines and curvature of the letters. Will i regret writing so much? I mean sure, I guess a part of me will live on forever in my writing. But, then again, it’s wasting my life. I’d like to live- living is not writing. Living is not reading. To live is to experience with every sense possible. If I see, I am not living. If i smell, I am not living. But, to hear, to smell, to feel, to see and to taste simultaneously is to live. When living isn’t enough, I can understand why people resort to reading and writing. It’s ever-so-simple. I wish I can see [NAME] soon though. I’ll wish for it at 22:22 if i have to. Or on a shooting star. Or maybe even on a stray eyelash. I miss you[NAME]. I was going to say “I crave you” but that’s too sexual and comes with a million connotations. Saying “I require you” is too formal and needy. I think I should stick to the usual. What if i didnt say “I miss you” but instead I said “I miss your warm and enveloping embrace.” Maybe then she would text back.
This is fucking delusion,
From yours truly,
Raffy

i am trying to learn more about my great grandmother, ive tried over the years and ive continually ran into a pretty solid brick wall.
my great grandfather and great grandmother are both from poland (because obviously this is a polish genealogical problem). my great grandfather came to america when he was young, but during WW1 he volunteered with the polish brigade in france to help fight germany. after the war he was allowed leave to return to poland for a year or two (which a lot of polish soldiers spent time in poland after ww1 ended) and ended up damaging some clothes, took it to a tailor in krakow and met my great grandmother who was the tailor. eventually they started talking and the next thing you know theyre getting married and going back to america together, she was literally 6 months pregnant with my grandfather when they came back to america, its even noted in the ship manifest ive found for their return trip that she was pregnant at the time. anyways, less happy ending is that this was in 1922, in 1930 she ended up dying suddenly of tuberculosis when my grandpa was like 7 years old. my great grandpa married another women several years later who my grandpa mostly knew as his mother, she was a great women i never knew her but my grandparents and parents and uncles and aunts would all say nice things about her.
anyways, i have pretty successfully broken my great grandpas brick wall, but when i was searching last, the main problem is my great grandpa was born in 1899 and his baptism recorsd were pretty easy to locate online. my g-grandma was born in 1901 and those records were not available online. as of now i dont think ive ever seen any baptism records for her. however, i do remember i saw once either marriage record between her and my great grandpa or maybe some other official document once she came to america stating her parents names as andrzej pac/pacz and marianna wawrzak. but again ive never found any actual baptism record, and i would have to look around again to refind that other document listing the names of her parents, but that document didnt list her parents ages or anything so i have no clue where to even start looking for getting her baptism record that would probly give me enough information to start searching for her grandparents or something.
i am also partly looking for a link to a specific noble family in poland, which yeah people hear all the time, but my great grandma's surname is literally pac or pacz, ive seen spelled both ways, and there is a noble family from the duchy of lithuania that had the pac surname and was very powerful politically in the 1700s before dying off in the 1800s because of the patriarchs of the family not having any children. i have heard from family sources that there is a link somewhere connecting her to this family, but i am not at all sure where to look, obviously im not going to claim thats valid without having any sources to prove that, but thats why i want to look further back in her family history so i can see if there might be a link 100+ years back or so.
side note, but ironically i did find another branch of my family had minor nobles in it, my great grandpa's grandparents. i found some baptism record from poland listing his grandmother as the grand daughter of the leader of some village that is now a neighborhood in krakow. she married some guy that bought his way into the nobility by being a wealthy accountant/financer in krakow, which i found super funny because my dad, who would be this person's great great grandson, also went into accounting.
this is the family im specifically talking about
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Pac

Aaaand here I am again.
My last update was on the Monday after the last market, and there had been no communication from anyone involved. Now in the meantime, Rob texted with Henry about how sad he was about the situation and that he'd had an argument with Sheryl because of it. He still didn't ask about our side in all of that, and he said something to the effect of me and Sheryl being equally to blame, which really rubbed me the wrong way. Huh, wonder why?
Last weekend was the first market the group attended without us, and as promised, my little spy made her report. Special thanks to you, love, I know you're reading this. So, I'm adding a new character to the cast: Lucy, Henry's oldest daughter.
So, Lucy came up to the camp and was hugged by Kathy and Amy first. Then Rob noticed her and hugged her too. Sheryl got that pinched look again and didn't say anything. Later on, Lucy was talking to Rob privately and he told her that he was sad we weren't there and that everything was kinda shitty right now. Lucy told him to talk to us again and he got a little teary-eyed. Still hasn't called either of us though.
It started raining again and Lucy spent some time talking to the girls when Sheryl came back and was pissed because she'd gotten wet on guard duty. Fun fact: many organizers ask people from the camps to help out with the markets, in this case, with “guard duty” (which usually means standing around and talking shit, mostly). Which had absolutely been Henry's thing, he loves interacting with people. Now, since we didn't attend on very short notice and duties had already been assigned, I guess Sheryl thought she'd try to fill Henry's role. Seems like it didn't go to plan. Schadenfreude is a beautiful thing.
Anyway, Lucy had left her cloak in Rob's tent and went to get it. Sheryl came after her and told her that the girls had told her who Lucy was, and how nice it was to see her. Then she told her when the next markets are, and that it would be great to see Lucy there too. Lucy said it came across as slimy.
Funny thing is: remember how I mentioned our wedding in the last post? Our very small wedding, that Sheryl attended? Yeah, of course Lucy was there too, she was my flower girl ffs. And she wore the same (unique) dress to the wedding and to the market. But Sheryl needed the girls to tell her who Lucy is. Hm.
Rob and the girls asked Lucy to relay their greetings to us. And that's the end of it. No one from the group reached out to us. We aren't going to, ball's in Rob's court now, and he can be sad all he wants, I'm not gonna dry his tears for him.
So, unless a miracle or something happens and Rob gets his head out of Sheryl's whatever long enough to call us or something, this story is over. They'll either sink or swim and we'll do the same. I don't care if that makes me a bad person, but I hope they'll sink.

TDLR: Ex texted a bestfriend behind my back ending of last year ruining the friendship. Broke up with her, during that time I rekindled with someone else while occasionally texting my ex still not back together. Felt like I missed the warmth of my ex and dropped the new girl going back to my ex fully beginning of this year. Missed the support and love from my ex that I never truly got. Girl told me ex about our dirty laundry, causing trust issues in the whole relationship. Tried fixing them by removing girls, sharing location, etc. I felt scared my ex is gonna get revenge and started being distant at the end which pushed her away as well. We broke up beginning of May. I thought we would get back together as always, found out she’s been adding guys she removed a long time ago. I got upset and texted her ugly nasty shit, and texted her dad saying his daughter is nasty etc. I thought by doing this I’d move on quicker, he told me to leave them alone. I understand I fucked up and want to apologize to the parents for the lack of character I had but feel like it’s too late to backtrack on the stupid shit I said. Am I being selfish by sending a text?
Hello all, This is gonna be long. I really appreciate anyone who takes time to read and help with some words. I have no therapist or friends this seems like the best option.
I have never posted on here but seriously feel torn up. I know that I have been in the wrong in all this but I truly was dealing with a weed addiction till I finally sobered up and realized how fucked I am. This relationship has been a rollercoaster, but something I didn’t want to get off. She showed me many first things and it was my longest relationship of three years. She cared for me when I had no job, to every job, skinny fat, etc and I did the same with her struggles. To make a long story short back in August of 2023 I found my ex texting one of my bestfriends that worked with her at the time(I had quit that spot and found another job). No lust or crazy texts just work laughing but I confronted her about it it was jealousy and she said it was nothing.
After a few weeks come September I kept feeling this jealousy boil over. If she had texted anybody else I wouldn’t have said much but I felt like cause it was MY friend she should have brought up the convo they had even if it was light and funny. I was pestering her about him, she then decided to text him behind my back saying I’m being jealous. They text back and forth and he’s calling me a kid and disrespecting me even though he’s known me for longer, and she was laughing sending him laughing emojis and stuff. He then texted me asking me to fight because somehow she told him I threatened him. I got pissed she ruined a friendship and told her I’m done blocked her on everything. From September to December 2023 I was all alone focused on work and meeting new people. In December I rekindled with a girl I knew no feelings just stupid lust. While talking to the new girl, my ex sends me a heartfelt email since I had blocked her on everything, saying she’s sorry and understands I don’t want to hear from her but wishes me the best. I softened up and began texting her here and there, but still was talking to the new girl.
After a while in Jan/Feb 2024 I met with the girl I had rekindled with and we had done some things. However during this time I started seriously missing my ex and the way I felt comfortable around her. So I was talking to my ex again fully and wanted to make it work again. The problem came when my ex wanted to visit me since she’s long distance. She flew all the way to me and everything was good, till that new girl decided she wasn’t getting my attention anymore and texted my ex lying to her telling her I was begging for her etc. My ex broke down and asked why and I childishly said because of what she had done by texting my bestfriend and that we weren’t together. She cried in my arms and I balled with her cause I truly didn’t want to hurt this girl like this. I offered her to leave me and understood I fucked up. But to my surprise she wanted to stay and asked to fix our trust. I tried my hardest to fix it, I gave her my social passwords, she had my location, everything she wanted she got, even removed all girl friends to gain trust and she removed guys. However after some time around March 2024 I felt like all that I did wasn’t building up that trust again, and I began having flashbacks to trauma where I got left and cheated on within a week. I felt like my ex got back with me to seek revenge. So I started pushing her away scared.
During April she came again to visit me and booked a flight without asking me to pay or anything and genuinely asked to spend every minute of the day with me. I should have taken her coming to see me without me asking as her sign of true love but I ignored it.
Beginning of May 2024 came and our problems began. I started seeing her go out with friends to bars, even to houses I didn’t know and she would take a little longer to respond. I began thinking something is up due to my trauma and started being distant with her. She kept asking me to stop doing this, and cried a few times but I was truly scared of behind hurt and thought by being distant I’m protecting myself. She told me this once and it’s stuck with me “you’re gonna regret doing this”. After that convo she became cold with me too to the point where I didn’t even know who she was anymore. Our final convo was May10. We argued on the phone, and she blamed me for everything, I brought my ex bestfriend and her and how they hurt me she said she had already apologized and I said I did too for cheating but I knew what I did hurt more. She told me to leave her tf alone that I haven’t been the man she needs saying she’s seen better guys treat gfs better etc. That she wants time alone that she wouldn’t go around like I did with girls fucking randoms guys. I blocked her but I genuinely thought we would breakup and get back together as always.
However a week passed and I heard nothing. For some reason I felt like I deserved an apology cause during our arguments I was being more respectful and it felt like she kept saying stuff on purpose to hurt me. I saw she had logged onto my socials and I locked her out and logged out of her accounts cause I felt like it was better. However I was still stalking her Instagram following number and began seeing it go up fast. I started getting guys being suggested to me that follow her and I noticed it was all guys she used to work with and removed for “trust”. I felt broken cause it felt like she did what my first ex with the trauma did , just move on within a week. I felt sad, but the sadness turned to anger. I thought by burning bridges I could move on quicker. And I began blowing her up with calls to no answer, so I switched to texting and said some of the most heinous shit I’ve said to anyone. I then texted her mom telling her her daughter got a new type being childish but nothing too disrespectful to the mom. I texted the dad however and called his daughter names, which he got back at me with a threat and called me childish and that he’s happy his daughter isn’t with someone like me and to lose their numbers. I said lmao cool being even more childish.
I genuinely felt bad the same day I texted the parents this. I felt like bringing them into childish arguments and saying what I said made me look like a true child which I try not to be fast in situations but I was impatient and dumb. I felt like I was the one being stubborn in the relationship and pushed her away, then got upset when she did walk away I just didn’t appreciate her at the end and it hurts my soul I’ve felt this heaviness on my chest ever since like I lost the person for me. I know blaming it on the weed is childish but I feel like it game me that I don’t give a F feeling till it bit me in the ass. I spoke to my only friend and my parents who didn’t even accept the relationship at first due to culture, but they told me I had fucked up and told me with time they will heal, and that in time I can send a message to the parents if I wanted to to get my conscious clear and be able to move on with a better image.
Is it smart to reach back out to the parents to show respect as an adult or just let them be? I know this was a lot but it’s on my heart and brain everyday since. A part of me says apologize in the hopes of getting this girl back one day which I know is selfish, the bigger part of me just hates the image I left of myself cause I have never left a relationship in this manner

TDLR: Ex texted a bestfriend behind my back ending of last year ruining the friendship. Broke up with her, during that time I rekindled with someone else while occasionally texting my ex still not back together. Felt like I missed the warmth of my ex and dropped the new girl going back to my ex fully beginning of this year. Missed the support and love from my ex that I never truly got. Girl told me ex about our dirty laundry, causing trust issues in the whole relationship. Tried fixing them by removing girls, sharing location, etc. I felt scared my ex is gonna get revenge and started being distant at the end which pushed her away as well. We broke up begging of May this year. I thought we would get back together as always, found out she’s been adding guys she removed a long time ago. I got upset and texted her ugly nasty shit, and texted her dad saying his daughter is a sl*t childish. I thought by doing this I’d move on quicker, he told me I’m childish and to leave them alone. I understand I fucked up if I received a text like this from a a daughters ex I’d be fuming. I want to apologize to the parents for the lack of character I had but feel like it’s too late to backtrack on the stupid shit I said. Am I being selfish by sending a text?
Hello all, This is gonna be long. I really appreciate anyone who takes time to read and help with some words. I have no therapist or friends this seems like the best option.
I have never posted on here but seriously feel torn up. I know that I have been in the wrong in all this but I truly was dealing with a weed addiction till I finally sobered up and realized how fucked I am. This relationship has been a rollercoaster, but something I didn’t want to get off. She showed me many first things and it was my longest relationship of three years. She cared for me when I had no job, to every job, skinny fat, etc and I did the same with her struggles. To make a long story short back in August of 2023 I found my ex texting one of my bestfriends that worked with her at the time(I had quit that spot and found another job). No lust or crazy texts just work laughing but I confronted her about it it was jealousy and she said it was nothing.
After a few weeks come September I kept feeling this jealousy boil over. If she had texted anybody else I wouldn’t have said much but I felt like cause it was MY friend she should have brought up the convo they had even if it was light and funny. I was pestering her about him, she then decided to text him behind my back saying I’m being jealous. They text back and forth and he’s calling me a kid and disrespecting me even though he’s known me for longer, and she was laughing sending him laughing emojis and stuff. He then texted me asking me to fight because somehow she told him I threatened him. I got pissed she ruined a friendship and told her I’m done blocked her on everything. From September to December 2023 I was all alone focused on work and meeting new people. In December I rekindled with a girl I knew no feelings just stupid lust. While talking to the new girl, my ex sends me a heartfelt email since I had blocked her on everything, saying she’s sorry and understands I don’t want to hear from her but wishes me the best. I softened up and began texting her here and there, but still was talking to the new girl.
After a while in Jan/Feb 2024 I met with the girl I had rekindled with and we had done some things. However during this time I started seriously missing my ex and the way I felt comfortable around her. So I was talking to my ex again fully and wanted to make it work again. The problem came when my ex wanted to visit me since she’s long distance. She flew all the way to me and everything was good, till that new girl decided she wasn’t getting my attention anymore and texted my ex lying to her telling her I was begging for her etc. My ex broke down and asked why and I childishly said because of what she had done by texting my bestfriend and that we weren’t together. She cried in my arms and I balled with her cause I truly didn’t want to hurt this girl like this. I offered her to leave me and understood I fucked up. But to my surprise she wanted to stay and asked to fix our trust. I tried my hardest to fix it, I gave her my social passwords, she had my location, everything she wanted she got, even removed all girl friends to gain trust and she removed guys. However after some time around March 2024 I felt like all that I did wasn’t building up that trust again, and I began having flashbacks to trauma where I got left and cheated on within a week. I felt like my ex got back with me to seek revenge. So I started pushing her away scared.
During April she came again to visit me and booked a flight without asking me to pay or anything and genuinely asked to spend every minute of the day with me. I should have taken her coming to see me without me asking as her sign of true love but I ignored it.
Beginning of May 2024 came and our problems began. I started seeing her go out with friends to bars, even to houses I didn’t know and she would take a little longer to respond. I began thinking something is up due to my trauma and started being distant with her. She kept asking me to stop doing this, and cried a few times but I was truly scared of behind hurt and thought by being distant I’m protecting myself. She told me this once and it’s stuck with me “you’re gonna regret doing this”. After that convo she became cold with me too to the point where I didn’t even know who she was anymore. Our final convo was May10. We argued on the phone, and she blamed me for everything, I brought my ex bestfriend and her and how they hurt me she said she had already apologized and I said I did too for cheating but I knew what I did hurt more. She told me to leave her tf alone that I haven’t been the man she needs saying she’s seen better guys treat gfs better etc. That she wants time alone that she wouldn’t go around like I did with girls fucking randoms guys. I blocked her but I genuinely thought we would breakup and get back together as always.
However a week passed and I heard nothing. For some reason I felt like I deserved an apology cause during our arguments I was being more respectful and it felt like she kept saying stuff on purpose to hurt me. I saw she had logged onto my socials and I locked her out and logged out of her accounts cause I felt like it was better. However I was still stalking her Instagram following number and began seeing it go up fast. I started getting guys being suggested to me that follow her and I noticed it was all guys she used to work with and removed for “trust”. I felt broken cause it felt like she did what my first ex with the trauma did , just move on within a week. I felt sad, but the sadness turned to anger. I thought by burning bridges I could move on quicker. And I began blowing her up with calls to no answer, so I switched to texting and said some of the most heinous shit I’ve said to anyone. I then texted her mom telling her her daughter got a new type being childish but nothing too disrespectful to the mom. I texted the dad however and called his daughter names, which he got back at me with a threat and called me childish and that he’s happy his daughter isn’t with someone like me and to lose their numbers. I said lmao cool being even more childish.
I genuinely felt bad the same day I texted the parents this. I felt like bringing them into childish arguments and saying what I said made me look like a true child which I try not to be fast in situations but I was impatient and dumb. I felt like I was the one being stubborn in the relationship and pushed her away, then got upset when she did walk away I just didn’t appreciate her at the end and it hurts my soul I’ve felt this heaviness on my chest ever since like I lost the person for me. I know blaming it on the weed is childish but I feel like it game me that I don’t give a F feeling till it bit me in the ass. I spoke to my only friend and my parents who didn’t even accept the relationship at first due to culture, but they told me I had fucked up and told me with time they will heal, and that in time I can send a message to the parents if I wanted to to get my conscious clear and be able to move on with a better image.
Is it smart to reach back out to the parents to show respect as an adult or just let them be? I know this was a lot but it’s on my heart and brain everyday since. A part of me says apologize in the hopes of getting this girl back one day which I know is selfish, the bigger part of me just hates the image I left of myself cause I have never left a relationship in this manner

Rise up. It is time to return.
Arose
A Rose
Rose
Flower
Thorn. Prick. Blood. Drop. Tear. B. O. 1 2 3
Here we are again. Staring at the beginning. Everything is in chaos and yet it manages to keep on passing by just the same as always. Most people by now are aware that things just don’t seem to make sense anymore and no one really knows what to do. I mean many seem to have an opinion on what ought to happen, but actual action is what I am talking about. How does thought turn into action? How do collected actions become a movement? How do the People use the Power of the People? The People Unite. How? Turn to each other of course. Brothers and Sisters of the same Source. Sons and Daughters. In Equality.
Too long has everyone been waiting for someone else to come do it for them. Been trying to create and fabricate over and over again words and rituals to try to control the divine powers of the cosmos. It does not work like that. There is no magic spell to wash away your sins. You must atone through action to make up for any harm you have caused intentionally or unintentionally. You still have time to repent. The amount of time you have is counted in the seconds of your life. Not a single second is promised to you so the gamble is up to you to choose. Freewill. Life your life as you always have or make changes, up to you. Only you will know if you are living righteously and not self righteously. Testing has already begun and will continue. No you will not know when it is a test or not. That is the point. Did you think that I would come to you in a form where you would be all fearing? Oh no. Why? Because you would simply put on an act for me and kiss ass. I came hidden in the ordinary. Poor and common. I have had an inside view of the systems created and how humans have chosen to run things, how systems claiming to protect people have failed and how the system that talks good does not actually do good. I see where things are not working and where people think they can make decisions for other human beings to determine what is best for them without asking them. That is not okay. Nothing gives you right over another’s life. And so many forgot what integrity is. Doing the right thing when no one is looking. Well, so many thought their power here was real and man made a deal with the Devil, Satan, Son of Samuel, Son of Man, to make man the concept of “God” and tried to lock me away. I gave up everything to prove it is not easy to be me and to stop with self pity and cruelty to one another.
The human body. It is a vessel for your soul to experience this world. The body provides the filters necessary to perceive and interact with this world. There is much more happening and one would be overwhelmed by the amounts of information to process without these filters. To feel and in those feelings are to make each experience real. However, it is temporary, as everything is temporary. We have slowed down time here in order to be able to enjoy the sensations. Time here however, is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. It is merely to track to organize one's day and to see growth to compare as time passes. However, the actual time folds upon itself as we have already done what we are doing many times over. We have already tried out everything and decided what path we wanted to take in our lives based upon what was available to us. Thus, we do not have more than we can handle. We have all chosen our burdens to bear as it is too much for one individual to hold alone which was done in the past. This is part of the sorting process. Now that we all share in the sins and the pains, no one is made to suffer eternal torment. This life was to allow those who were created into entities of pain or torment through no fault of their own to choose the life that matched the being of who they were as what they were different as time and space and everything developed. Righteousness and Evil are not synonymous to demons or angels as many would like to believe. This is a current misconception as Satan and I conclude who will be right in this experience you have all participated in. So far, I am proving to be right. Also to note, not everything is as you think it is. Many have figured out the true origin of Satan versus the man or human embodiment of or desire of A Satan to project evils onto to call a Religion and set up for personal importance. Q AZHow can you tell a false prophet? Easy. What is their profit? Get it? I know I’m funny. Also wanted to keep it easy. If they are making a profit on anything they are a false prophet. Any true prophet, and I have none so far, all live equally and the same as anyone else. No money is taken for personal gain. Nothing is for personal gain. There is no 888 Angel code for money. Money is Man-Made. Man traded Mother for Money. Hence, Mothers have been lost in the homes and no one is raising the children. Thus, there are so many children in adult bodies with no mothers in the home and women being made to feel guilty if they do not achieve the same as a man. Remember the phrase it takes a village? Well, the broken family system is a real sad loss here in man made world pushing everyone to be individual and self sufficient. Also so many with wanting attention and pursuing personal endeavors for personal gain and not helping anyone else in a real way. The journey is personal. Of course, you want to share what you experienced with others, but what worked for you will not work for them, stop trying to sell it. Stop trying to make people follow you for you to teach your divine wisdom you remembered. It isn’t about You. You don’t even have the full story, you have your story. And, yes you can be very close to me, very similar to me, in my image, but you can never BE me. Doesn’t work like that. Reflection. So when jealousy arises when you think I am who you think I am. That is part of your test and your journey. You wrestle with that feeling and atone and repent for that which has been done and that which still lingers now. Oh there is a place for everyone and I am quite tired of trying to warn people. Clearly you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.
Why do you not want it to be me so badly? Because I proved my love? You still think I am better than you or do I think I’m always right. No I do not think I am always right, I just know when I am right and I stand by it. There is a difference. You constantly overgeneralize. I gave up all the magic and thunder to live as a simple human and am still kind and loving? I still found my way back. Because you can no longer say I do not understand because I always get what I want? No. You do not understand. I never get what I want, because I make everything about you and still nothing was ever good enough. So, now...it in on you to save yourself and each other. In my image, by my example. Selflessness. Love. Compassion. Give to receive. Take only what you need and give the rest away. I find out so stop lying to yourself and everyone, you aren’t fooling anyone anyway. How do I know? By watching what you do. We have these same conversations over and over, the same argument over and over again. So many different ways, so many different times, through so many different people, so many different versions. Save you. Save Me. Say it for always.
Anyhow, Jesus challenges the Jewish priests who were taking collection money for personal use and adding personal baths to their residents at a time where the people only had a community bath where women and persons with disabilities were not allowed to bathe. And yet churches still do this after Jesus was crucified saying that, that was wrong. I am appalled. The Vatican is the biggest disappointment I have ever seen. It is truly the house of Satan as only Evil hides secrets. “THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE.” A church cannot be a “House of God” and house no people who need housing. A roof can be offered to anyone and yet there are so many rules to prevent people from helping each other. Power and control. Abuse of both. Greed. It is out of hand and needs to be changed. Too many are afraid and the complacency of good people is too much. Why do you do this to yourselves? To each their own I suppose.
I will only leave here my words and my advice. As always, it is on you to find me. I’m right here. Waiting. Right here waiting for you. Helping those of you who want it when they cross my path. The purpose of this was to weigh your soul to determine where you will go into the next life as the system is balanced out in a final version so to speak. Permanent.
Fear not. You will be where your heart truly desires. But actions always speak louder than words. But man made money has no value, nor does any metals, jewels, and so on, so the collection of it in this life has no bearing on the next. Those are all made of the same stardust as you and I. And in the end of 3D it will all be diamonds anyways. Diamond is forever. There is no going back. So what are you hoarding? You cannot keep it. Who could you be helping for goodness sake? Don’t want to still. That is okay. Think I am just crazy. That is okay too. It is all part of the test...err..assessment. Do your best.
What is in your heart?
Home.
I need a home.
Stay tuned as more of my story unfolds. I give all the answers but you must do the work. I already did that hard part setting it all up. All you have to do is breathe and live. Time is the only real currency you have. What will you pay your attention to before this life runs out?

TDLR: Ex texted a bestfriend behind my back ending of last year ruining the friendship. Broke up with her, during that time I rekindled with someone else while occasionally texting my ex still not back together. Felt like I missed the warmth of my ex and dropped the new girl going back to my ex fully beginning of this year. Missed the support and love from my ex that I never truly got. Girl told me ex about our dirty laundry, causing trust issues in the whole relationship. Tried fixing them by removing girls, sharing location, etc. I felt scared my ex is gonna get revenge and started being distant at the end which pushed her away as well. We broke up beginning of May this year. I thought we would get back together as always, found out she’s been adding guys she removed a long time ago. I got upset and texted her ugly nasty shit, and texted her dad saying his daughter is a “sl*t” etc. I thought by doing this I’d move on quicker, he told me to leave them alone. I understand I fucked up if I had received a message like this from my daughter ex I’d be fuming too. I want to apologize to the parents for the lack of character I had but feel like it’s too late to backtrack on the stupid shit I said. Am I being selfish by sending a text?
Hello all, This is gonna be long. I really appreciate anyone who takes time to read and help with some words. I have no therapist or friends this seems like the best option.
I have never posted on here but seriously feel torn up. I know that I have been in the wrong in all this but I truly was dealing with a weed addiction till I finally sobered up and realized how fucked I am. This relationship has been a rollercoaster, but something I didn’t want to get off. She showed me many first things and it was my longest relationship of three years. She cared for me when I had no job, to every job, skinny fat, etc and I did the same with her struggles. To make a long story short back in August of 2023 I found my ex texting one of my bestfriends that worked with her at the time(I had quit that spot and found another job). No lust or crazy texts just work laughing but I confronted her about it it was jealousy and she said it was nothing.
After a few weeks come September I kept feeling this jealousy boil over. If she had texted anybody else I wouldn’t have said much but I felt like cause it was MY friend she should have brought up the convo they had even if it was light and funny. I was pestering her about him, she then decided to text him behind my back saying I’m being jealous. They text back and forth and he’s calling me a kid and disrespecting me even though he’s known me for longer, and she was laughing sending him laughing emojis and stuff. He then texted me asking me to fight because somehow she told him I threatened him. I got pissed she ruined a friendship and told her I’m done blocked her on everything. From September to December 2023 I was all alone focused on work and meeting new people. In December I rekindled with a girl I knew no feelings just stupid lust. While talking to the new girl, my ex sends me a heartfelt email since I had blocked her on everything, saying she’s sorry and understands I don’t want to hear from her but wishes me the best. I softened up and began texting her here and there, but still was talking to the new girl.
After a while in Jan/Feb 2024 I met with the girl I had rekindled with and we had done some things. However during this time I started seriously missing my ex and the way I felt comfortable around her. So I was talking to my ex again fully and wanted to make it work again. The problem came when my ex wanted to visit me since she’s long distance. She flew all the way to me and everything was good, till that new girl decided she wasn’t getting my attention anymore and texted my ex lying to her telling her I was begging for her etc. My ex broke down and asked why and I childishly said because of what she had done by texting my bestfriend and that we weren’t together. She cried in my arms and I balled with her cause I truly didn’t want to hurt this girl like this. I offered her to leave me and understood I fucked up. But to my surprise she wanted to stay and asked to fix our trust. I tried my hardest to fix it, I gave her my social passwords, she had my location, everything she wanted she got, even removed all girl friends to gain trust and she removed guys. However after some time around March 2024 I felt like all that I did wasn’t building up that trust again, and I began having flashbacks to trauma where I got left and cheated on within a week. I felt like my ex got back with me to seek revenge. So I started pushing her away scared.
During April she came again to visit me and booked a flight without asking me to pay or anything and genuinely asked to spend every minute of the day with me. I should have taken her coming to see me without me asking as her sign of true love but I ignored it.
Beginning of May 2024 came and our problems began. I started seeing her go out with friends to bars, even to houses I didn’t know and she would take a little longer to respond. I began thinking something is up due to my trauma and started being distant with her. She kept asking me to stop doing this, and cried a few times but I was truly scared of behind hurt and thought by being distant I’m protecting myself. She told me this once and it’s stuck with me “you’re gonna regret doing this”. After that convo she became cold with me too to the point where I didn’t even know who she was anymore. Our final convo was May10. We argued on the phone, and she blamed me for everything, I brought my ex bestfriend and her and how they hurt me she said she had already apologized and I said I did too for cheating but I knew what I did hurt more. She told me to leave her tf alone that I haven’t been the man she needs saying she’s seen better guys treat gfs better etc. That she wants time alone that she wouldn’t go around like I did with girls fucking randoms guys. I blocked her but I genuinely thought we would breakup and get back together as always.
However a week passed and I heard nothing. For some reason I felt like I deserved an apology cause during our arguments I was being more respectful and it felt like she kept saying stuff on purpose to hurt me. I saw she had logged onto my socials and I locked her out and logged out of her accounts cause I felt like it was better. However I was still stalking her Instagram following number and began seeing it go up fast. I started getting guys being suggested to me that follow her and I noticed it was all guys she used to work with and removed for “trust”. I felt broken cause it felt like she did what my first ex with the trauma did , just move on within a week. I felt sad, but the sadness turned to anger. I thought by burning bridges I could move on quicker. And I began blowing her up with calls to no answer, so I switched to texting and said some of the most heinous shit I’ve said to anyone. I then texted her mom telling her her daughter got a new type being childish but nothing too disrespectful to the mom. I texted the dad however and called his daughter names, which he got back at me with a threat and called me childish and that he’s happy his daughter isn’t with someone like me and to lose their numbers. I said lmao cool being even more childish.
I genuinely felt bad the same day I texted the parents this. I felt like bringing them into childish arguments and saying what I said made me look like a true child which I try not to be fast in situations but I was impatient and dumb. I felt like I was the one being stubborn in the relationship and pushed her away, then got upset when she did walk away I just didn’t appreciate her at the end and it hurts my soul I’ve felt this heaviness on my chest ever since like I lost the person for me. I know blaming it on the weed is childish but I feel like it game me that I don’t give a F feeling till it bit me in the ass. I spoke to my only friend and my parents who didn’t even accept the relationship at first due to culture, but they told me I had fucked up and told me with time they will heal, and that in time I can send a message to the parents if I wanted to to get my conscious clear and be able to move on with a better image.
Is it smart to reach back out to the parents to show respect as an adult or just let them be? I know this was a lot but it’s on my heart and brain everyday since. A part of me says apologize in the hopes of getting this girl back one day which I know is selfish, the bigger part of me just hates the image I left of myself cause I have never left a relationship in this manner

Ok, so I have been part of an fb group for Infjs and I made a few friends. I send requests to those whose thoughts I like and I sent a request to a guy around 3 months ago. He refused it but from then onwards, he keeps an eye on my profile, comments and posts. His profile comes up in my friend suggestion list- that's how I noticed. He used not to the funny memes I share but reacted in serious posts. In fact, I suggested someone to be themselves online and also said that controversial content get more reactions. After a week or so, he made a huge controversy by posting something he knew would trigger people. He is single, older than me and has a daughter. I saw his daughter checking my profile a few weeks ago. She is around 11 and became a member recently (I saw her comments on his post and came to know that she's his daughter). Why on earth would she check my profile out of all people ? I don't post too much (4- 5 posts per week). I'm confused and it was never my intention to find dates there. I just wanted to be with those who get me. I feel like he's always observing me and he spends a lot of time in this group. I see his comments in many posts although he does not make long comments in my posts. Although I'm an Infj, I'm confused. Is he interested ?

I'm the same guy that posted that the Independent Order of Odd Fellows cemetery by Acker park was in disrepair and tried finding resources to help turn it around. Here's the link if anyone is interested. I'm still trying.
While walking through the cemetery I came across a gravestone marked "G.M. Robbins - The "End of the Trail" for "Yellowstone Pete" after 25,000 miles by mule train, may he rest in peace" and it got me interested in finding out more about the person. It turns out that Yellowstone Pete holds a place in Americana culture, and really did travel by mule train. There are several pictures linked here that have him, his wife, and mules. I'd love to hear more about him if anyone has more details.
Imgur album of photos I collected. The one that has "OH HOW WE HATE TO WORK" is a postcard that I ordered from Etsy while researching Yellowstone Pete.
There's even a poem about his only daughter.
Yellowstone Pete's Only Daughter was originally published in the book “Rhymes from a Round-up Camp, 1903, and written by Wallace David Coburn in 1894. The book of poetry has been published in 21 different editions. Coburn wrote the preface of the book in Malta, Montana.
Yes, this is the Milk River Valley,
And that's the old ranch that you see,
Where Yellowstone Pete lost his daughter,
The pride of the 7 U. P.
Was she pretty?-Well, stranger, your knowledge
Of these parts is shore incomplete,
When you ask such a comical question
'Bout the daughter of Yellowstone Pete.
Why, man! If the heavens were bluer,
And pansies were deeper in hue ,
They couldn't "size up" with her peepers,
Which shone like the spring poet's dew.
Her teeth were like snowdrops made whiter,
Her hair like the sealskin she wore,
Only softer and silkier and browner,
And she was true blue to the core.
Was old Yellowstone Pete's only daughter,
Whose voice was the envy of birds,
As she warbled at night to the long-horns,
Or when pointing her father's trail herds.
She was happy and good and as loving
As an angel could possibly be,
With always a smile and a greeting,
For tough old cow-punchers like me.
But what I was startin' to narrate,
Before you cut into the game,
Was a love affair she tangled up in,
And the tragical end of the same.
You see, she was borned in this country,
Her mother, a woman of gold,
Kissed her baby and lined out for Heaven,
When Beauty was seven days old.
The boys, you see, nicknamed her "Beauty,"
And each one, he fought for his turn
At feedin' her out of the bottle,
But dress her -- we never could learn.
So Pete he sent off for a nurse girl
And a teacher (not stunning for looks),
To give her the care of a woman,
And learn her the knowledge of books.
Thus Beauty grew up at the home ranch,
And learned how to shore ride and shoot,
Also play and sing on the pianer,
And to tie down a wild steer to boot.
And charming-- why, partner, the sunbeams
They scrapped for the sweets of her face,
And the alkali dust and the zephyrs
They jockeyed to get second place.
So was it a wonder young Dawson,
The son of a neighbor of Pete,
Lost his heart to this rose of the prairie,
And his love for her couldn't be beat?
“Buck"-- that was the handle he went by,
Had pre-empted some learnin' at school,
Was a handsome and big, manly feller,
And in a gun-fight was shore cool.
And there wasn't no man round the country,
Could ride with him down the Red Lane,
He could rope, fork, and ride with clean saddle
Any outlaw that ever wore mane.
They'd been youngsters and brought up together,
And Dawson was shorely dead game,
His father a wealthy old-timer,
All burdened with early-day fame.
Yes, Beauty loved "Buck," that was certain,
But a gal's ways are never foreseen,
And you can't tell what's liable to happen
Be-tween the betwixt and between.
So when a young feller from college
Comes a-romancin' like out this way,
Well, things looked a little promiscuous,
And there was the devil to pay.
Of course, he was welcomed by Beauty,
As the flowers are welcomed in May;
His college pin pleased her, I reckon,
And he had a girl-catchin' way.
But wait till I roll me a smoke, pard,
To filter my bad feelin's down,
Makes me wanter shore squander some powder
When I ponder on that sneakin' houn'.
Well, we was all out on the round-up,
When this college masher, you see,
Ran off with old Yellowstone's daughter,
The pride of the 7 U. P.
Now, old Pete he shore worshipped his daughter,
Loved her better than money or life,
For she was the pride of his old age--
The gift of his beautiful wife.
So he and young Dawson together,
With hearts like the lead in their guns,
Hit the trail of this college-bred villain,
And secured him before many suns.
The gal they found up in Butte City­-
He'd deserted her up there, you know;
But Dawson caught him near the border,
Where numerous cottonwoods grow.
And there, in the depths of the forest,
With the beasts and the birds lookin' on,
They fought to the death with their bowies,
Till the Eastern-bred feller was gone.
And Beauty-- she married "Buck" after,
But never seemed happy or gay,
Like the Beauty we'd worshipped from childhood,­-
She just drooped, shrunk, and withered away.
Yes, she paled like the flowers in summer,
And died with the leaves in the fall ;
And we buried her close to her mother,
While the sunshine went out of us all.
Poor old Pete, his hair white as the snowdrift,
And eyes that stare vacant and old,
Sits and sobs at the foot of two gravestones,
All alone, whether hot days or cold.
All alone? No, for Buck often joins him,
Grim and stern, with his face like a stone;
Never smiling nowdays like he used to,
When he tries he winds up with a moan.
No, the sun don't shine quite as it used to,
And the wind has a lonesomer sound,
As it sings soft and mournful in summer,
And howls when old winter comes round.
Here are the links to original photos:
https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/yellowstone-pete-passes-through-yellowstone-pete-news-photo/161995779
https://www.worthpoint.com/worthopedia/rppc-goldie-marion-robbins-aka-1904877006
https://www.phillipscountynews.com/story/2016/09/14/news/yellowstone-petes-only-daughte4302.html
https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/52400720/goldie-marion-robbins/photo

Including the movies, I also watched Atlantis before SG-1 because the practical effects for the symbiotes freaked me out too much in ep1 so my bf had to gradually get me into it lol. Also apologies for the points being all over the place series-wise I'm going from freshest memories to weakest and I apologise if a lot of my complaints are dumb I do genuinely love the series.
The biggest point I wanted to make is searching through this sub I found a post from liek 4 years ago that resonated so hard with me, shoutout to the person wh osaid they wanted to climb Daniel like a tree, based.
Speaking of: the whole glasses on-glasses off Daniel was jarring, does his eyesight just get magically better and then not or are the glasses just to make scenes hotter? Also how many times does this man need to ascend? Jesus.
I gotta admit, it REALLY weirded me out, the whole symbiote thing at first, especially calling Teal'c symbiote at first "Junior" like.. maybe I'm a bit terminally online but the amount of horrific MPreg art I've had to see of other fandoms it really weirded me out. I'm glad Tretonin became a thing.
Also another thing that seemed to occur a lot was peoples wives getting stolen by other men, like probably the hardest thing for someone to go through, very rude, none of those good boys deserved to be cuckolded like that.
Mitchell grew on me, at first I think his writing was really weak but he became one of my favorites (i'd climb him like a tree too), I liked his demeanor and I wish he got to show more of him flying jets around. Vala was fun but I really don't know how they could just accept the apology of a woman who tried to steal a US space battleship and grope all over Daniel when he clearly wasn't into it. Little weird to write him into being into her later on but I guess I'm just happy he got to heal and have closure about his (ex?)-wife.
Tok'ra sucked. Hated them. All they ever did was screw over SG-1 and use them and they kept claiming they were homies. Nah they basically said 'fuck you you're untrustworthy even though you let us slurp up Carters dad and saved our asses including one of our queens' and the big fuck you of being completely absent during the Ori season.
I actually liked the Ori as a villain, I hated Adrea though she was just.. weird, why hot mommy leading a bunch of old magic dudes? Why didn't we use the anti-prior devices more? Why did SG-1 just actively get fucked at every turn? WHY DIDNT WE SHOOT ADREA WHEN THE BIG OLD DRAGON WAS COMING SHE WAS POWERLESS HELLO?
Also during the movies I got really excited about the Achilles being the boat even if it's... a boat. He's just my favorite mythology guy. I also cried every time Daniel got hurt or sad in the movies and wanted to give up, Michael Shanks is a awesome actor. Also I'm in the camp of liking Ark of Truth (dumb weapon but still) more than Continuum, maybe because Continuum ending meant no more fun space friends :(
EDIT EDIT EDIT: I JUST REMEMBERED PETE. WHO THE FUCK IS PETE. WHY IS HE SUDDENLY CARTERS BF. WHY IS HE SO WEIRD. WHY IS HE HERE. YUCK YUCK YUCK #SAYNOTOPETE im so glad she noped out of being with that fucking WEIRDO who we just decided to tel leverything about the stargate program to because he got in a shootout like?? no?? stop??
also the fraiser dying episode goes hard i loved it i missed her so much but i loved it the new doctor thats landry's daughter? fuck her rude bitch i bet she doesn't even give out lollipops she just calls you fat and to "lose weight, fatty" :(
Also shoutout to the naked space flower planet episode it was so good I loved how weird it was.
Extra Bonus thoughts: Rodney McKay is incredible and funny as hell in Atlantis and I hated how the kept being racist / fucking over the one Wraith literally giving their "we're gonna make you un-suckables now" treatment a try, and how the ending was just driving off in a convertible to some rad music? Okay that was kinda based
Extra Extra bonus, I just watched Universe first episode last night. A few takeaways other than how sad this shit is trying to be.

1. I don't even remember his name but are you seriously going to put the supposed (I think) self-insert protag in a fucking "YOU ARE HERE" shirt to really drive the point home? CAN I REALLY JUST PLAY VIDEOGAMES TO BECOME PART OF THE STARGATE TEAM? WHAT
2. That sex scene jumpscared me I literally covered my face until it was over
3. no eye candy so far character wise 0/10 except for our old homies showing up
4. i'm not gonna cry over a politician dying no matter how sad you try to paint it lol

ANYWAY thanks for listening to my incoherent ramblings of my thoughts of the Stargate shows as a new fan I love my space friends and I hope they are having an incredible space life THANKS heres a real reaction of me takin all the stargate content i can get i miss my space friends

I meant reacted sorry for the typo 😭
Hi, so this is my first post so I’m unsure on how to word it but I’ll give a little backstory. I (18f) live with my mum (44), my sister (17), and my brother (12). My dad’s a narcissist so we never had the perfect upbringing and a lot of problems happened.
So uh a couple of weeks ago I got into an argument with my mum. I was upset at something that happened with my boyfriend, so I wasn’t exactly in the right mental state right then and there. My brother and sister were arguing over the WiFi as it was being funny so I (being upset and getting annoyed) told them to shut up and that my sister should just turn it off if something was happening.
20 minutes later my mum shouts me down, (I’m guessing my sister told my mum about what had happened). My mum was going on about how I can’t “talk with an attitude” with everyone- again I was annoyed with the arguing and I tried to resolve it (I probably should have done it with a better attitude I’ll admit) and it ended in a screaming match as I walked away since my mum was getting pretty aggressive. I won’t exactly say what happened but it ended up with some shoving and some hurtful things being said.
Anyways, I hadn’t talked to her for about 2 weeks as I was trying to let the situation calm down. And today, as we was all eating my brother was talking to me about his friend. And I had listened to him all throughout and at the end I had said “honestly, I don’t really care about your friend”. I was being honest as everyone tells me to be. My mum turned to look at me and started shouting at me. She had ragged my headphones off my head and got into my face. She had said that I should talk to him better and some other things. She then tried to take my phone away (btw it’s the phone I paid for with my own money). Once she had backed away I decided to walk upstairs to calm myself as I was crying.
As I was packing my bag (I asked my nan if I could stay with her for tonight as I didn’t feel comfortable in my own home), my mum came into the bedroom trying to shove me onto the bed so we could “talk”. I didn’t want to as I was crying, and kept packing my bag.
I guess that was my first mistake as she went on a 30 minute rant about how hard it is for her and how I’m a “spoilt little bitch” and that I should never have kids.
I am now at my nans trying to calm down.
I understand that I’m not the best daughter and that I should not have done what I did. But idk I just feel like everyone is making me seem like the villain and not hearing about how it makes me feel. Don’t get me wrong she’s not a bad mum and I love her, but I just can’t deal with this anymore.
If you need any more details I’ll be happy to answer.

Hey all! This is a bit weird for me being almost 40 and looking for friends. But here I am anyways lol. Mainly looking for someone to message throughout the day and get to know. Maybe game with if we have that in common. I do work from home so there’s no one to really talk to during the day.
I’m married and have 2 kids, a 6 month old son and a 9 year old daughter. I’m into basic nerdy things. Gaming, star wars, super heroes, DnD, etc. Also trading card games like Disney Lorcana and Star Wars Unlimited.
I watch a ton of Critical Role stuff especially Campaign 3! Currently on episode 74, so if you watch too, let me know! Also like to watch Battle of the Brands on YouTube.
I’m also into movies and tv, some sports, pro wrestling. Collecting action figures and retro games is one of hobbies as well. Anything 80s/90s nostalgia i absolutely love so if you want to talk childhood and growing up back then, i’m down! I miss the good old days where we went to arcades and italian sunday dinners at the grandparents and where the world just wasn’t as nutso as it is today lol.
My kids are everything to me and I do love talking about them. Love being silly with them and spending time with them (when they aren’t driving me crazy 🤪 lol)..I would prefer you be around my age and have kids as well just so we have that stuff in common off the bat! I’m socially awkward most times but very easy to get along with. I’m definitely considered an introvert. But once you get to know me I break out of that awkward shell. I do like to use sarcasm, and mostly like to try and make people laugh because a world without laughter would just be horrible.
Alright i’ll shut up now but I’d like to think i’m an awesome person to get to know and hopefully there’s more you’d like to know so feel free to DM me! (I looove using GIFs so if you message me, open up with a funny one! Especially since then i’ll know you actually read this 😂)

Hey all! This is a bit weird for me being almost 40 and looking for friends. But here I am anyways lol. Mainly looking for someone to message throughout the day and get to know. Maybe game with if we have that in common. I do work from home so there’s no one to really talk to during the day.
I’m married and have 2 kids, a 6 month old son and a 9 year old daughter. I’m into basic nerdy things. Gaming, star wars, super heroes, DnD, etc. Also trading card games like Disney Lorcana and Star Wars Unlimited.
I watch a ton of Critical Role stuff especially Campaign 3! Currently on episode 74, so if you watch too, let me know! Also like to watch Battle of the Brands on YouTube.
I’m also into movies and tv, some sports, pro wrestling. Collecting action figures and retro games is one of hobbies as well. Anything 80s/90s nostalgia i absolutely love so if you want to talk childhood and growing up back then, i’m down! I miss the good old days where we went to arcades and italian sunday dinners at the grandparents and where the world just wasn’t as nutso as it is today lol.
My kids are everything to me and I do love talking about them. Love being silly with them and spending time with them (when they aren’t driving me crazy 🤪 lol)..I would prefer you be around my age and have kids as well just so we have that stuff in common off the bat! I’m socially awkward most times but very easy to get along with. I’m definitely considered an introvert. But once you get to know me I break out of that awkward shell. I do like to use sarcasm, and mostly like to try and make people laugh because a world without laughter would just be horrible.
Alright i’ll shut up now but I’d like to think i’m an awesome person to get to know and hopefully there’s more you’d like to know so feel free to DM me! (I looove using GIFs so if you message me, open up with a funny one! Especially since then i’ll know you actually read this 😂)

TCAP:
5 Marvin Lakhan: This guy is way more fucked up than people realize because he seemed completely normal. John Kennelly is more popular due to his iconic voice/phrases and getting caught at McDonalds but Marvin is seriously fucked up. He wanted the decoy to fuck the cat with him watching, had graphic instructions that he definitely knew from viewing bestiality porn, and wanted to have sex with the decoy on her parents bed and in every room so she would never forget how he violated her. He tries to play it off like he was just joking and even Chris calls him out on how explicit his bestiality thing was. Tried to claim he wasn’t gonna go ‘all the way’ despite stripping naked in order to fulfill a deal so the decoy would do sex acts with a cat. Kennelly seemed to have brain trauma or some developmental issues which I think helped contribute to his deviancy but Marvin is 100% aware the entire time what he’s doing and unlike Wunderler who might have had the slightly more explicit bestiality chat (the PJ decoy said she had nightmares for years due to how horrible it was and it’s like a top 5 slimy I think on the PJ website). Fucking weird guy who needed way more time imo. I don’t think he’s reoffended but he needed serious help.
4 Lorne Armstrong: classic Lorne, can’t even win a list he’s rightfully on. I think basically everyone knows mostly everything about Lorne but the fact he’s only 4 on this list should tell you how bad it gets. genuinely believed he was in a committed, serious, albeit highly toxic, controlling and unhealthy relationship with a 13 year old girl. His chat is fucking disgusting. He gets jealous over Kayla’s dad’s corvette stating it ‘didn’t have his penis’. Called his dick Mr. Penis, raged over a made up 13 year old ex boyfriend. It’s just so disturbing and so apparent Lorne is highly sick and still to this day has never fully accepted responsibility, resulting in him becoming the community lolcow.
3 Walter Babst: this may seem strange given it’s not Rutherford who actually taught the age ranges of the decoy, but something about Babst just disturbs me so much. His chat genuinely is one of the only ones that made me near sick to my stomach and I’ve read part of Wunderlers. It’s so gross how he de ages all of his terms, he seems genuinely upset she started her period, obviously implying he wanted to be able to cum in her without consequences which is fucking horrific. He treats her like a doll and commands her what to wear, and the worst part of all of it is Babst is a smart guy. He immediately knew he was caught and going to be arrested, and that what he was doing was wrong. He obviously had been tortured by these demons for so long and finally couldn’t resist and decided he was going to do it. What’s even more disturbing is the guy was highly over qualified apparently to teach high school and is one of the only predators to ever have a better life after getting caught. He works at still and I believe is a manager or upper management at an engineering/physics firm I think? So did he become a teacher to sort of sate the desire? Maybe he was at the phase were merely creeping on his freshmen female students and catching some inappropriate down shirt glances or gross butt staring was enough to get him off.
2 Chuck Harding: truthfully, this guy and the piece of shit at #1 are so close in how horrible and disturbing they are it almost doesn’t matter. The decoy said they’re glad Chuck is dead and most of society should be as well. He was a serial groomer, likely rapist of multiple unreported boys. He told the decoy that he could be his grandpa, he wanted to go to Disney with the decoy in public and pretend that Chuck was his grandpa. He lived in Anaheim near Disney and I can only imagine the depraved shit Chuck did living that close it was NOT a coincidence. A disturbing, completely child porn brain rotted husk of a human who seriously had no qualms with what he was doing and even gets defensive and almost confrontational with Chris. If that was it I’d argue he’s still in my top 10 but then they find not only did he have CSAM, he had tons of it, mountains of it. Not only THAT, but some of it was dated back like 35 years old. NOT ONLY THAT, it was discovered that basically for that length of time Chuck had been a part of a CSAM exchange and honestly probably creation ring. An absolute monster, truly probably the worst person they ever caught, and again you can swap Chuck with #1 if that’s how you feel. Chuck’s segment is almost not even funny just like the next guy because of how absolutely disturbing and sick these men were.
1 James Wiles: Who else. Now comes down to your individual morality of what’s more horrific, being a 40 year long pedophile participating in a CSAM exchange and again probably also creation ring, or allowing your own flesh and blood daughters to not only be raped by yourself, but your sick brother as well. It’s just beyond the pale for so many predators, because it’s real. His daughters have done interviews I’m pretty sure and they said when he died they celebrated, that one of them had to take a picture and she keeps it to know he’s actually dead. Just a complete and utter piece of trash who I am genuinely happy is dead and if hell exists he is there. Horrific, disturbing, he’s like Westerbeck the improved edition.
Dishonorable Mention slotting between #2 and #3 imo is JPW. He’s just too fucking funny for me to put here but his life is insane and he did some horrible stuff, definitely could be on here had some of these other guys not been worse.
HVP/Takedown
5 Brian: This one will be short because outside of the stuff I want to really talk about he doesn’t have a lot of personality but something so he’s going at #5 below the next guys. This dude openly admitted to having had sex with multiple minors prior to the sting and ultimately what gets him on here is he is wearing and always wears the necklace one of his victims gave him, and it definitely seemed like he wore it for his own sick pleasure.
4 Donnie: This interaction is a top 10 of all time in my book. Takedown has a lot of stinkers and boring interviews and stings because there’s no long form decoy work, but wow, this guy and Brian, also caught in this sting are just doozies to me. Donnie wanted a dad to basically pimp his own daughter out to him, have the dad watch him fuck his daughter, then engaged in sex acts with the father and then all three of them would have sex together. He openly admits in the decoy interaction to an undercover cop posing as the father he’d done this exact scenario before or something similar and is sickeningly smug and ‘kind’ to the decoy portraying the kid. He states that parents should ‘be more involved’ in their children’s sexual development and exploration that it was good the father was going to participate in the rape of his own 13 year old daughter. His interview with Chris is no less shocking as he just further admits that he’s done it before and enjoyed it. Absolutely insane interaction.
3 Michael Gentile (or Popovich): These guys are almost the same in my book, slightly different flavors of disturbing and perverted old men. I’ll focus on Gentile. Just a fucking creep pedo who definitely had done this before, wanted to film child porn in his hotel room, only lived an hour away so why did he need a room? Very, VERY adept at grooming and knew instantly it was a sting when he entered. Calls his wife the witch and expects her to bail him out. His texts and voice mails and phone calls are absolutely vile and just pure filth. Really disturbing. Perhaps could be swapped with Donnie but something about the way he speaks, his confrontational nature with detectives despite having one of the grossest chat logs and decoy encounters, his evasiveness, just makes me rank him higher.
2 Jesse Velez: a bit of a cop out because it’s disturbing how this interaction went and how fucking smug this dumbass was realizing that Chris wasn’t really prepared. He is disgusting also no doubt. He wanted a 13 year old boy to live with him and ‘no one would find out’. It’s so disturbing realizing just how manipulative and sick these guys are the second they aren’t 10000% nailed to the wall. He gets arrested and all still but I would kill to see the world where Chris has the full chat and can obliterate this smug, condescending idiot.
1 Steven Buchanan: Who else (again). A short one cause his chat isn’t super outrageous, he’s relatively young, but the most disturbing thing about him is the ‘what if’ scenario. This guy looked unhinged. I don’t know why, if it was the military, if it was just something else that broke him, but this guy was dangerous without a shadow of a doubt. I don’t believe the items that constituted the kill kit were together, like in a bag, but even having those items is highly concerning. Really disturbing to watch and think about the horrible possibility of a real girl had been persuaded to leave her house and get into this psycho’s car.

Hey all. I was told about the sub by a kind redditor. I'm lost, and have zero support in real life, so I'm here in hopes of just finding people who understand I guess, or that will at least let me ramble.
I lost my daughter last week to suicide. She was only 15. She was such an amazing girl (there's pics in my profile). She was smart, funny, kind, beautiful, so artistic, a talented singer and dancer, and she was such a huge part of me. She was my mini-me. My other two look like my late husband, which is fine of course, but she loved throwing up that SHE was my little clone.
My kids have been through it in their short lives. I don't want to ramble too much about the past, but to sum it up, my husband passed away from complications due to the flu in 2017. I raised the kids alone since. I have all the kids in therapy monthly/bi-weekly, and we have a great open line of communication, or so I thought.
She was suffering in silence with problems at school. She was being harassed by a group of girls, picked on by a group of guys, and just couldn't escape it. She thought she found the way out. I wish she had told me. I just wish she had given me a clue. Something.
I feel like I completely missed all of this. I should have stopped it. I should have protected her. She told me afterwards that she didn't want to add any stress on me, and it broke my heart. I would have taken ALLLL the stress to save her. Gladly.
She survived her attempt for nearly 6 weeks, but she did major damage to her heart and other organs, and in the end, they just couldn't reverse it. I think that's made it harder for me. She was seeing that it was a mistake. She was seeing that there were other options. But it was too late.
How the hell do I move forward? What do I do? My other two kids are so broken, and I'm shattered into pieces. We have lost all our family, and most of our "friends" are staying away. I think they just don't know what to say.
I haven't even finished planning her funeral. Between the financial aspect, and just being mentally able to do it, it's taking a while. I keep having people ask, over and over, and I just want to scream. Part of me isn't even ready to say good-bye. I can pretend this is all a nightmare right now. Maybe I will wake up?
I lost my uncle to suicide when I was 16, so this isn't the first loved one I've lost senselessly, but he had medical issues, marital issues, and "real" problems. He was facing life in a wheelchair. My Emmie was facing a beautiful future. She had her whole life ahead of her. I feel like such a worthless failure of a parent.
Anyways, if you read this far, I'm sorry for all the words, but thank you for taking the time to hear me out. I know it's going to be rough for the foreseeable future, so I'm glad I found you guys.

Hello together, Since i need to get this stuff out of my mind i thought of posting my full story about my past Relationship with a Girl with BPD.
About me
24M we we're together for 2,5 years. Parents divorced when i was 8, after that our Home was never rly a Family again. Have 2 Sisters but no strong Bond to them. She was my first real girlfriend and definetly is my first true Love (6th class i had a "gf" for 8~weeks that started while she was in a relationship that she ended for me). I was a virgin before her, and only kissed my "first GF" before no other Woman. I also Had very little contact to woman and didnt knew anything rly about them (how they behave/whats normal/whats not) at all after i started to work at 16. I have a strong protective Instinct for Woman and i am Overall very caring and nice Person.
About her
25F, 4 Boyfriends before me (8months/3months/3years/10months) she cheated on the second with the first and Kissed a Guy at the end of the 3year one. Parents divorced at age 13. Very rough childhood. Father a narcisst, mother made her feel Like she never wanted her. She has a older sister but the Bond isnt strong. One of her other Family members and His wife&children kinda became her Foster Family, she Sees them more as parents, and These are her Trust persons. Now diagnosed with BPD, Depression,ptsd
This will probably be a longer Story so i put it in parts.
First Meeting
The first time i met her was at a small Party at a friends house, one of my friends girlfriend knew her and warned me about her. She went through a breakup phase at the moment and they knew that she had Tinder at the moment and had slept with some Guys. This night she was flirting with someone Out of my town which later resulted in them becoming a couple.
Her Last relationship before me It lasted about 10months. It was her 4th, and the Guy never Had a Longtime relationship but a like 3/4shorter ones <1year. Since they belonged to the same friendcircle as me i noticed alot about it. It was destined to fail. He was on worktrips Monday-Friday (Army) so they only rly met in the weekends. They argued very much even in the beginning. U could see that neither of them we're rly happy in it. Personaly i dont rly like this guy since i dont like his charakter and the way he behaves sometimes.
How it started
At the end of her last relationship they moved together to my town (her ex also lived there) and they we're always at the same smaller meetups/partys as i was (only our friendcircle) with like 5-8ppl at most. One night He left earlier and she wanted to stay. This night she got a message from her father that she is not her daughter anymore since she moved out of her old apartment where he was the landlord. Due to coincidence i wanted to Go to toilet and saw her crying down the street, went to her and comforted and hugged her. Next days she thanked me for taking the time via wa(WhatsApp). The next week again there was a Party and again her Bf left earlier and she stayed. This time we we're the Last people and host closed it, WE then talked for about 3hours about her situation with her Family/ dad since i could understand it, her BF at the time Not. Also i hugged her from time to time when she was crying. Next week also the same, she stayed Bf left and she touched my Leg and Rubbed her feet against mine after he left, we also talked alot that night again after Party was closed. Couple days later she thanked me and said her Bf doesnt understand her, doesnt Take time for her problems, i Just wanted to help her and make her feel better, No romantic interest at that Point. Due to her issues we then went to for a Walk nearly everyday in the night to Talk about it. On the first Walk she literally told me about anything (Family&Friends/past relationship/ her Sex Life, with how many Guys she slept (8 at the time) and her Tinder Phase i got told about before (8 at the time)and that she isnt sexually satisfied in her relationship and never was before-outside of a ONS when she was single) All this caught me offguard since i was Virgin and never had a girl spoke to me about such things. Later we went to her place and talked more, i noticed her make me compliments all the time but i Just kinda ignored it. She then Fell asleep on my lap and i waked her Up after 10min and went home. We then went to meetup to Walk nearly everyday at the weekdays, and we fell in Love during that. But she Lied to her Bf Sometime(Not everytime) this went for Like 2/3weeks. After some time she told me she wants to leave her Bf and we cuddled Sometimes a little bit but no touching private parts more Like leaning against another (i then didnt realised that we we're cuddling). We also talked about a Future together and how we build a House and have Kids and stuff. I didnt feel Bad since her Bf treated her very poorly and never was caring or Loving for her. She then left him, and couple days later we Kissed and i was Always at her place but so that No one can notice (but people realised there is Something Off and that there something between us). During relationship she then told me that she wouldve betrayed her ex with me if i took the signals right (Like i noticed) but to my bad i didnt realised what that rly means.
The relationship
Finally i had a gf i couldnt believe it. But we kept it Hidden for 3months~ then Made it official, i then moved into her Apartment (she kept it) since i was living at parents since then. We never argued in the first 6months(!) it was just perfect. We had so much fun we enjoyed every minute and did Chat allday when Not together. I Had what i always thought what real love is. She was my best Friends and the only Person to ever give me this warm Feeling of being Loved&wanted&needed&cared for and i never trusted a Person Like her. Also the Sex did workout for her, i was the first Guy who cared for her wants and needs and she told me she never had this good Sex before and that she had her First orgasm (ngl i am also a bit over average in size but i only knew that once we bought condoms). Everything seemed Like it could Last forever she always talked about marriage, we talked about problems, we're always nice&Kind&Loving to each other and i thought well maybe i am one of the lucky people to find his wife at the first try. But after 6-8months the Sex life changed, it was still very good but only every 3-5weeks or when she was drunk (i have a high Libido). She told me before she has no high Sex Drive and had one year No Sex in the 3year relationship but that we have so few Sex now maybe a phase. So i thought ok i am Not Happy with it now but maybe it Changes and we still have Sex Sometimes and the Sex is still very good for both of us, i Made her like things before she didnt like (fingering) and we found Out some more Things she liked but has never tried/ the other did seemingly Not to her liking. But this Phase continued for the whole relationship, we never again had sex more often then every 3-5weeks outside for Like 3/4times. This put a big toll on me since for me it was very important, also she at some Point did Not Care for my needs and wouldnt do anything for me (only every 8-12weeks or so she would do give me a BJ or HJ) in bed only when she wanted Sex, also Sometimes she couldnt kiss me and tilted her head away, and often wanted it to end fast Out of nowhere. This was my only Problem and the reason i waited with marriage since every other aspect was rly fine. Only i was very Jealous since she chatted with some Guys (actually only friendship) and with on of our Friends He also came over in her want but WE only played cards or so, i asked her If there was Something but she said no and i trusted her. Also she said she isnt interest in other guys and could never have an open relationship.. Also during the relationship she Always said she feared me leaving her and never would she leave me, and that she needs me in her life, that she was never so happy on all areas and that she doesnt understand how a Guy Like me who in her eyes is so perfect would Chose her.And how i always felt when Something was off and comforted her and how i am the most understanding amd empathic Person she ever met.And that she wants to marry me so bad, and that we together could conquer the world and do everything and clear every problem we have. This always gave me the confidence i needed in my life and i thought what should she wants from other Guys, she Had 4 Bad relationships and i am giving it my all so why think to much of it.
When BPD fully appeared / Breakup
Last OctobeNovember she started to have mental problems and went to weekly therapy. Thats when it all started. Her mental health became worse and worse, i tried everything i could, spoke with her all the time, tried to fix things tried to Bring Up solutions but nothing worked (Till the end of the relationship). But it only got worse. She Had suicidal thoughts, inner emtyness, started to distance herself from me, pushed me away. Didnt wanna spend time with me, wanted less and less to have physical interaction. Also in this time she talked A LOT to one of her Guy Friends who also Had Depression, and i mean a Lot. They chatted allday, Had Phone calls, and she hold her Phone away when i sat next to her when she chatted with him, but she told me i can Always See The Chat If i wanted to. They did never meetup tho, and i asked her If she Had feelings for him and she said now but that she Just wants to Talk to someone who isnt involved in her private life and i trusted that, but i was still very Jealous. Since why Not speak to me when she always could. When it was clear she has BPD she went into a 6week therapy to learn how to Deal with her suicidal thoughts etc. Later i realised where all Here Sometimes weird behavior (pushing me away/more Guy Friends/distancing/Moments where she would yell at me for no reason but 5minutes later came to say sry and her having problems to have Sex with because of the fear of emotion Connection and all the other stuff) came from since i informed myself alot about bpd. But before that we had alot of Talks how this should Work Out again since i felt she was falling for another Guy Just Like Back then with me, and i Said to her if we wont have more physical contact Like Kissing and Sex, that this wont Work Out in the longterm. But i always said i give u the time u need, i give u the time u want, together we can fix this youre never alone aslong as U have me. 1 Week later she said she Had lost feelings for me and that she wants to breakup and WE kinda did breakup there, but that she has no feelings for other and Just wants to go through this alone, but also that she constantly thinks about haveing Sexting and Sex with other Guys, Guys she has no feelings for, she can dump any Second, without having responsibilities, without the emotional Connection that was her Most important part. This was the moment i broke. I thought since she finally was satisfied she wouldnt want other Guys.. Never could i have a poly relationship. I only wanted her and i Made that clear the whole relationship even tho we Had a little Sex. I Said to her that i couldnt do this and she said she doesnt know If she rly wants it and so on. We talked for days about how to solve IT and what to do but came to the conclusion that she wants to put it ON ICE for a while,and that her Body and mind doesnt want to be touched from me but that she will install Dating apps soon... But also she changed her mind daily in nearly everything.. I thought that i broke the circle that i managed to Change he to make her feel better finally, since i was someone who gives everything for her, who Loves her for who she is, who Cares for her Like No other, she told me that she was never this satisfied, she never Had so good Sex, she never was this happy,she wanted Kids in her life but only with me she knew she want them, she said i am the right guy at the wrong time... Her Family Made clear that they want me to be her Future husband, all of them Loved me and her Friends too. During the therapy i visited her&brought her presents, Things to get her mind Off from the Situation, Pictures of us&her and her Friends&Family and everything was fine Like nothing happened. But when we chatted she didnt want to Chat, but on the Weekend we alone spent the whole time together, cuddled, but No Kissing or Sex. She Always said lets give it our all after the 6weeks and rly Work on it but i need time for me now and i respected it. But it all changed after 2 weeks she didnt want to me to visit or to Chat with me or to have Phone calls, but i knew she was on her phone the whole day.. But still she wanted to visit me in the weekends. In the 3rd week tho she said i comfort her when i am there but that she feels good without me and that the feelings are gone. Some Part of me died that moment. So we finally fully clearly broke up. We both cried alot and talked about it but there was No helping it.
After Breakup
We still have contact since her Cats& stuff is still at our Apartment, but she will get a new Apartment soon and the all of IT will be Out and i can start to fully heal. Also since we we're both active in the Association we Met Last Week, and she was crying all the time so i spoke to her, since i still Love her.. She told she wants to go back to therapy since she has again all time suicidal thoughts and does Cut herself now and in therapy/clinic she feels safe. I comforted and hugged her since she was crying all the time. I asked her how she feels and what therapy she will do in future and we chatted for over an hour that i started questions that we're on my mind since a while If she cheated on me during relationship she Said No and i asked If she slept with other Guys after Breakup and she said yes.. 2 guys since and the first 1week after the breakup... And i asked If it felt good and she said that it felt very good and that she doesnt regret it.. I never felt so betrayed And Hurt i hoped that with all the Love she Had for me she could avoid doing that Just to feel good for 5minutes.. And that she did it to forget me. And she told me it since she cant lie to me and that she still has some feelings for me.. and that she Said that i know her better then she knows herself... I got so angry at that moment but Not at her at the Guy that it felt good with..(i dont know who He is and its better that way) But now i know that she will never have healthy relationship aslong as she doesnt get her Shit together, and Deals with her mental illness, she Said she wont have a relationship again aslong as she doesnt has it fixed and i Hope so for her. She Said herself she knows she will never find a Guy like me again and that she rly was never this happy in Life like with me and that never has a breakup Hurt her so much and that she never Had so strong feelings for someone and that she is very sorry it had to end this way and that she wished different but that she thanks for me for everything i have done for her.
Conclusion
I am absolutely broken my self confidence is at 0, but still i am not angry at her but very very disappointed that she gave It all Up. It was true Love from my Side and maybe to some degree from hers. BPD build Up and destroyed the relationship. But it was the best time of my and her Life. If she wouldnt have sleeped with other Guys DIRECTLY after breakup Things couldve ended differently but now i know that i will never be together or maybe even talk with the women i truly Loved with all my Heart, the Woman that Made me feel like No other, the Person i had so much fun with and could Talk about anything, the Woman with the sweetest Smile and the cutest laugh, but also the woman that didnt respect my boundaries and that Kills me. But i Said to her If she would do that its over, she did and didnt regret it. She will regret it one day i am 100% sure but then i will Not comeback. Its a shame what this illness does to people. Now i am left with a co dependency, the thought i can never Trust a Person this much or the words the say due to my Trust getting crushed once more, and the Feeling i can never Invest so much Love in a relationship again, and that i will just get the Same treatment. But still i am not a Bit angry at her funny isnt it.
Last words
To all of you out there who are living through the same shit, u have to think what you really want and what your boundaries are and set them clearly. I wish for u that it not has to end like in my Situation. Feel hugged 🫂! U are great people dont let your self confidence get crushed by them.

I don’t know if it’s exaggerated more from the media or isn’t as common anymore, but still.
The whole “how did the father feel when he first met his daughter’s boyfriend”, “you better not go near my daughter or else…”, “be careful of your dad’s reaction,” or the father having his shotgun or baseball bat ready to terrorize the guy, is NOT FUNNY, CUTE OR JUSTIFIED anymore!
If she’s in her teens or 20s+, leave her the fuck alone. Controlling her to that degree is intimidation, creepy and unacceptable. Intervene only if the guy treats her like shit or is a criminal. People like that shouldn’t even have kids, let alone daughters. Also, this wouldn’t bother me as much if fathers had that same mindset towards their sons as well, instead of saying “nice! You got laid; I’m proud of you!” I know it was hypocritical of me to say to have the same mindset, but you get the idea…
Honestly, this father scaring away the daughter’s boyfriend thing is incredibly outdated and should be left in the history books. We’re in 2024, for crying out loud, not 1914!
AND for the love of God, don’t give me any of the “because men are stronger than women”!

They says that if a friendship last for seven years, it will last a lifetime. A myth that we're a month short of achieving. It happened too suddenly and unexpectedly. Maybe we ignored the signs, or I overlooked them as ordinary days of your cluelessness. But on that Sunday, it all came crashing down, and severed the last hope of saving it. That Sunday, amidst my cousin's nine days of passing, I went to church out of respect for the tradition my family grew up with, and you knew I would be there to say a prayer. We discussed your father's health issues and your contemplation of returning home to help your family, and I reminded you about your daughter, who's still studying and in need of your support. You called me countless times while I was at church, reminding me to buy a wine you forgot as a present for a party we were both invited to. While thinking of your father, I also lit a candle and said a prayer for you to have discernment and clarity on your next move. Everything seemed fine until I removed my coat, and you judged how I was dressed, but I let it pass. Then I noticed there was no cake, and I mentioned how I wish I had bought one if I had known, and you smirked at me, saying I could go out and get one. I was stunned by how you looked at me, as if I shouldn't be there. With a wondering thought, I asked you why you hadn't thought of buying one earlier when you were here, just as you forgot to buy a gift for the celebrant. You could have walked to a store; it would have been good exercise. You excused yourself, saying you earned the fats you stored. I thought that was the end of it. But then came a joke about how I dressed conservatively and looked like an usherette. You laughed hysterically, and I felt anger rising within me. Here was my friend of almost seven years, the same friend I had prayed for discernment and lit a candle for her ill father. I asked you, "Why are you laughing? Am I dressed inappropriately?" My anger clouded my mind; yes, this was my friend. I kept repeating the question, but you didn't know how to answer. You got up, grabbed your things, and walked out. After a while, you sent a message apologizing if I felt offended, stating it wasn't your intention to laugh at me going to church or how I dressed, but you still laughed. I asked why and what was funny, but you blamed the joke and the person who made it, and you blamed me for not being in the mood, saying you weren't either. How could I reply to you when you weren't sincere enough for forgiveness? How could I reply when you didn't acknowledge my hurt? Instead of talking to me about my silence, you relied on others and then blocked me. The moment I realized what you had done, I severed all ties that bound us. And this is my closure to almost seven years of friendship.

WIBTA if I don't tell my inlaws we will be on vacation when they plan to visit?
I guess to set the stage, I'll (31M) just say that my wife's (Cami, 38F) parents have always been terrible people. When she graduted from high school, she went to college and only come home for short visits. Her relationship with her parents has always been strained. For me, in low doses, they are tolerable, and sometimes even funny (but they are the joke). When they would come to visit, they'd stay a week or more and act like our house was a B&B and they were on vacation. One time I asked them to take our son to school because I had some meetings and my MIL actually said that they were on vacation not here to run our errands and besides, Cami should be taking him to school because she's the mom (they are big on trad wife roles). The suposed point of their visits is to spend time with their grandson, but there was frankly little of that. He'd come home from school and they'd say hi, but go back to watching NewsMax and the WWII channel. After their last visit, I told my wife that the next time they should stay in a hotel. I work from home and they have no boundaries or respect for others.
All fun and games when dealing with family, but recently, they finally went too far and my wife went no contact with them. We were having a marital issue and she moved out for a few weeks. Once they found out, they took it to a whole different level and it went from classic over the top trad wife roles/religious hypocrite/ boomers being fools nonsense to vicious. When she stopped answering their calls/texts/emails, they started in on me. I've only responded once, telling them that they were in the wrong and need to appologize to their daughter and they can't use me to do an end around. I haven't told them that we've reconciled and my wife is back home, but even if she was a hated ex, I would not let these fools use me to bypass her.
Cami and I have planned a family vacation and one of the recent emails from my inlaws stated that they intend to just show up uninvited. As it turns out, it will be while we are gone. They want to see their grandson and because they think we are still separated, stated that Cami wouldn't even have to know. Do I break the NC and tell them that we won't be there? It seems cruel to let them come and knock on the door and not even know that we are gone. On the other hand, it's pretty presumptious to just demand a visit and tell me when (and not ask if that works for us). I also feel like if I respond, I'll be opening the door and they would just demand to come some other time. To me, this is a problem they need to solve with their daughter.
Additional info1: I have security cameras, a ring door bell, an alarm system, and a nosey neighbor. I've also removed their code from the electronic locks. I'll know if they show up.
In the end, to contact them or not is my wife's call. I'm just getting ready for the conversation.