Womens tattooed genitals

I (F19) have been dating my boyfriend (M22) for 8 months now. Two months ago, I discovered my worst nightmare when I decided to go through his phone.
When I went through his phone, I not only found masses of porn but also pictures of his ex (F21) and her being on his ignored friend requests on Snapchat (meaning he’d removed her, but she still had him added). I’d checked this before because we’d previously had issues with his ex, but she wasn’t there, so it was recent. He also had a call to her on Valentine's Day. After some prying and a ton of lying from him, we actually talked about it. He said he only sent food for the cat and that he’d stop the porn. A few days later, I gave him an ultimatum: - Stop communication with her, only send food for the cat. - You don’t need to save pictures of the cat with her in it. - No more porn.
He agreed and promised to follow these conditions.
After this, when I looked at his search history, it had been deleted, so he only had two days of history. I asked about it after a few weeks, and he told me this was because of “my birthday presents being on there” and how “he doesn’t want me to see since I checked before.” Even though none of his lies lined up with when I checked, I ignored it.
Now, I’ve found him searching for porn again. He told me it’s just from an open tab. I don’t believe him, but he insists that he didn’t watch porn and that he’s followed the ultimatum. I still can’t believe him, and I’m not sure if I should stand my ground and leave or stay and work things out. Because of his past of lying, I feel like I’m walking into a trap. But i also feel like we have so much potential because i love him dearly.
I know a lot of people are going to get upset that I’ve checked his phone, but he told me he was fine with it and open to it, and I wouldn’t have a problem if he checked mine.
For additional information:
He and his ex were married, dated for 4 years, got matching tattoos, and had a stillborn.
At the start of our relationship, he led me to believe he was someone who never let exes back no matter what, someone who got rid of them the second they messed up. So, to find out he was still contacting her was shocking. I would’ve understood given their situation with the cat and the stillborn. It’s just the way he’s made himself seem, only to be lying the whole time.
I did not know about them being married or having a stillborn until a few weeks in. At that point, I felt I was too deep into the relationship to throw away what we had. He told me he was “too scared to tell me” and he “wanted to wait until the right time,” which I can understand.
For a few weeks after, he was being funny about giving me his Instagram, so I made a new account and found out he’d blocked me on it. I also found out he was still following his ex and she was following him. This stopped once I confronted him and he followed me instead.
Another few months later, I found provocative pictures of women on his Pinterest saves. He obviously just said that he saved them because they dressed like me, which some did, but out of the 15 pictures, only 4 did. The rest were just women in underwear.

Hear me out, pretty much all the stupid social media wars are about how sexable a person is.
Mras? They only complain about women because they don't like how fat American women are. That's it..they become conspicuously silent about "degenerate women" when they're skinny, relatively young, not tattooed, and preferably white or fair skinned.
Incels? Just based on people being unfuckable and mad they're not the top preference.
White supremacists? Literally hate all the "ugly" races and give a pass to attractive WOC like some Asian women because they're fuckable to them. Obsess over interracial sex a lot.
Fat hate? Just based on how ugly fat people are to many people. There's nowhere near hatred for druggies and such the same way.
Religion hate? Hate is based on how they feel it controls other people's sexuality and makes people's daughters harder to fuck if they're too pious.
Racism? Advanced lookism.
Pretty much everything is about how fuckable the person is. There's no personality or merit that matter online. It's all about pornographic images, sexual themes, how fuckable or easily fuckable one is, that counts at the end of the day. Of course this doesn't work like this in the real world, but this dominates on the internet. It is very dehumanizing and soulless.

Hello everyone,
It's my first time ever posting here. I've never really spoken to anyone about this, and if this is not a dysphoria related issue I apologise.
I was born male. But all my life I have secretly been envious of women and felt I would prefer to be one. (Important to note: I am not sexually attracted to females so I don't believe it's a fetish or kink of some kind.) I often feel deep disgust when I see my genitals, finding them ugly and wishing they weren't there at all.
In the experience of people here, is this a dysphoria issue or something else? I don't want to call on resources that others need if it's not, so I'm trying to determine where I need to be looking for help.
Thanks in advance.

Hello everyone,
It's my first time ever posting here. I've never really spoken to anyone about this, and if this is not a dysphoria related issue I apologise.
I was born male. But all my life I have secretly been envious of women and felt I would prefer to be one. (Important to note: I am not sexually attracted to females so I don't believe it's a fetish or kink of some kind.) I often feel deep disgust when I see my genitals, finding them ugly and wishing they weren't there at all.
In the experience of people here, is this a dysphoria issue or something else? I don't want to call on resources that others need if it's not, so I'm trying to determine where I need to be looking for help.
Thanks in advance.

"Antony we are going down there and that's final!" Vorenus cried. Stamping his foot and glaring at the Corporal. Despite knowing the man since the fall of Cadia, he still hated him at times. "That. Is assured. Fracking annihilation down there. You know it" Antony replied, pointing at the oncoming Tau before poking Vorenus's chest.
"Well have fun then" Vorenus spat, before charging down the sand dune, keeping low as not poke over the ridge line. His squad, with Antony dead last, eventually followed suit.
The kroot pack, filled with dozens of beasts sprinting at full speed came closer. Having not spotted the Kasrkin yet they seemed completely focussed on the 1752nd camp. Vorenus spread his squad out, about 20 meters between each man and women, with himself centre. The kroot still had sometime before they reached them, and would likely run them down if they fled to the Imperial line.
"Not yet" Vorenus remarked over the vox, noticing Antony readying his gun. "We only have so much time, need to make them count" Vorenus took a deep breath. "Keep low and keep moving. Get yourself out of there if you can and back to camp. The Emperor Protects"
The squad members quietly prepared themselves for what was likely their doom, build held firm, awaiting Vorenus's call.
"Now! Bring down those beasts first!" Vorenus ordered. All 10 hot shot-lasguns cracked and fizzed as they fired on the great Krootox. They wailed, speeding up as their shots simply angered them, the riders on top often not being as lucky.
However the kroot persisted, and despite their best efforts, seemed hell bant on crashing down on the Kasrkin.
"Nice one Vorenus" Antony spat. Vorenus ignored him, simply firing instead.
The kroot began to advance up the sand dune they found themselves behind. Vorenus quickly accepted that, despite everything, this really was it.
He didn't find himself particularly moved by the realisation. Unlike some of his squad, he almost felt neutral.
Still he braced himself for the coming pain, holding his weapon and his other hand drifting to his Kasrkin tattoo.
Even as his squad began to split and scatter, as ordered to, he remained. Hoping to hold them off if need be for even a minute.
But no Kroot came, and after their roars and screeching seemed to move, Vorenus turned and peered over the dune, quickly grabbing his commbead to relay what he saw to Colonel Jensen.
The Rhoynian's had arrived.

General
I am looking for a lady between 28 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I tried to be as concise as possible while still providing what details I think are crucial to know; I realise this post turned out very long, but I prefer those because I can get as good an idea as possible with detailed descriptions, bar actually talking to the person, and find that very valuable, so if that also applies to you, that would be awesome.
Basics
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner (ranging from 5k to full marathon), training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with a fearful avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or in the stadium watching football and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I am looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus (and there have to be at least a couple things we have in common), emotional and sexual compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals (some of which in quite a litteral sense as they make for really amazing pillows) and ideally, you do too.
There is a saying that in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly, like I said, need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well – this just to put the picture I'm (somewhat haphazardly) trying to paint into perspective.
Second, sexual compatibility. I have a high libido and I have kinks, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy them together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, sexual fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. Someone on here has coined the term 'filthy best friends and partners' which I have no shame to be stealing because it's such an apt description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. I love the relationship model outlined in Stan Tatkin’s ‘Wired for Love’ and you should, too. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. I know codependency is the latest thing everyone’s afraid of, but experiencing someone you’ve grown very attached to just bailing because they’re counterdependent and can’t stand working on themselves while simultaneously letting you in is something I’d rather not go through again. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere. If you think’s it’s okay to lovebomb someone and then leave after a couple of months with the minimum amount of information and no proper conversation because you’re not ready to own up to what’s happening to you emotionally, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, be opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: many childfree people seem to be adventurous, but that is a trait I don't associate with myself at all. I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, seeing them change around us, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side (albeit not regarding height), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
The natural progression for me would be to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but having my heart broken because I already developed feelings due to a longer timeframe and then everything unexpectedly turning to shit is not something I want to have to live through again. I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself, I unfortunately had to learn that
Caveats/Possible red flags

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

I am looking for a lady between 25 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner, training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with an avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or at a football game and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I'm looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus, emotional and intimate compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals and ideally, you do too.
Apparently in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well.
Second, intimate compatibility. I am rather insatiable and love to experiment when it comes to the bedroom, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, this kind of fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. I found the term 'filthy best friends and partners' to be a perfect description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
I’d prefer to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself.
Caveats

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I don't want children and had a vasectomy
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

Finding a non-feminist woman in 2024 seemed impossible… until Hinge saved my dating life.
Hello 🙋‍♂️ Little success story here. I am 31 and politically align as a moderate. (No, Reddit, that doesn’t mean I am a Conservative.) I wanted a traditional, good-hearted woman who respects traditional feminine and masculine roles, who will step into my frame and complement my life. This is a tall order in a major progressive city in 2024.
Some women want a tall man or a guy earning six figures. Well, a traditional family is simply what I wanted. I know this because I have spent most of my life courting girls who simply aren’t what I want. It's been incredibly bumpy with a lot of tears. In the last year alone, I must have been on dates with over 50 women, 10 of which turned into something more. Some were from Hinge, some from speed dating (which I highly recommend if you are more charismatic than pleasing looking like myself).
It got to the point where I was fed up. Date after date, yeah, a lot were subjectively beautiful, but they just weren’t doing it for me. Or when they did do it for me, there was always a bombshell she dropped: either an incurable STI, completely opposing political values, or she had two children. Or, of course, she was not feeling me. There was always something, and none of these 30+ women had the appreciation of traditional values I was looking for. All identified themselves as feminists, and my last three girlfriends have been far-left-leaning social justice warriors who disagreed with my views on pretty much everything. I tried dating some conservative women to see how that was, and well, let’s just say never again. 😂
I realized I needed to get proactive, hone in, and get specific about what I wanted and didn’t want, even if it seemed like an incredibly tall order.
My list was something like:
Slim athletic figure Beautiful smile No kids (but wants kids) No tattoos Respects traditional values Culinary skills Agrees men are success objects, women are beauty/emotional objects Not politically charged Caring, loving, trustworthy, understanding Great at sex Wouldn’t mind dating a guy who’s currently earning under average, who’s a little chubby, short, and whose teeth are slightly stained yellow and brown I know, right? Seems like I am dreaming. So I decided to not actively swipe like a madman because I was burnt out. I just swiped now and again and focused on my mission/purpose in life for a few months.
And the results were insane. It’s like what your mind focuses on, you attract.
I found the loveliest, most respectful, beautiful woman with every single thing on that list. She has a genuine burning desire for me, and we are now official. This happened three months after I made that list. It subconsciously hyper-focused my energy.
So yeah, even if you feel like what you want doesn’t exist or will never be interested in you, just keep going and never give up. You know most people out there are probably not a good match for you as a life partner, but some are.
And again, despite what you guys might think, I am not a conservative, I am not red-pilled, I am not a bigot or a racist, and I strive for an equal quality of life for everyone. I just know what I want, and clearly, that paid off.
Thanks for reading my success story. Have a blessed day, all.
Happy swiping!

I'm told women want a man who knows what he wants, so here's the whole nine yards. If there is anything here that you are not willing to accept, then don't. You will not change me now or years down the line. Obviously I intend to grow and mature (as one ought to), but I have decided who I am and what I want out of a relationship.
I am looking for a woman that I can make a permanent covenant bond with; I have no interest in flings or "long-term relationships."
I don't intend to come across as bitter or angry with any of this, just clear and up-front. It makes things easier for both of us.
A bit about me:
My faith in Christ is paramount in my life. I would not be where I am without him. In taking interests in various things, I've learned a lot about God's character and design. Each new thing I learn fills me with more worship of him and wonder at his works. It is very important to me that you share this admiration of God.
I have a full-time job that I am very satisfied with, but what I feel truly passionate about is art and storytelling. To be honest, I've hit a bit of a block lately as far as my output. But I've been trying to find my feet so I can make something valuable to share with the world. I think that art and stories are a fundamental part of being human, not just a luxury. So pretty much any kind of art will spark passion in me, be it music, cinema, video games, literature, video essay, sculpture, etc. I could go back and forth for hours on a lot of things. My hope is that you and I will be able to enjoy art together and create some of our own.
I frequently spend time with another gentleman from my Church and we enjoy conversations about personal projects and contemporary issues, along with walks along beaches and park trails. He is a very important friend in my life, and I am lucky to know such a kind soul. Things aren't well with my family, so I really need that kind of presence.
While I rely on my bicycle for transport (no car), it's not a problem for me. I've been riding bikes since I was in elementary school (maybe even before). It would be really nice to ride down some trails with you.
What I expect from you:
-You need to be a follower of Jesus Christ. God needs to be an active part of your life because I intend to raise our children under Biblical values.
-You need hobbies and interests apart from me. I'm fine with helping you find things you like.
-You need to have no mileage.
-You must be humble and respectful. "Boss babe" attitudes are not attractive to me.
-You cannot have any tattoos or piercings.
-No cosmetic products. It's not good for your body and I am attracted women, not makeup. This includes fake nails and fake eyelashes. I don't need you to look "pretty." You character is more important to me.
-Related to the previous, no use of image filters in photos. I do not like the type of people who are vain and vapid enough to feel the need to use filters on their photos.
-Again related to the previous, you need to have a limited social media presence. If you have a business or post something of value (like art, for example), then I have no problem. What I'm talking about is having an Instagram or Facebook account where you make random posts to nobody in particular to "update" the internet on your life or post tons of pictures of yourself online. Basing your self-worth on the comments and likes from strangers on the internet is unhealthy, and I find people's obsessive need to take pictures of themselves very unattractive and vain.
-If we marry, I expect you treat me as the head of the house. There can't be two leaders in a household because one will have to submit to the other.
-I expect you to view marriage as something that you put work into. Marriages are a team effort, so I expect you to be a help meet.
-You need to treat me like a partner, not an adversary. Getting into arguments and nagging me helps neither of us. You must have conflict-resolution skills and a solution mindset.
-You need excellent communication skills. This means understanding yourself, putting your thoughts into words other people can understand, and verbalizing things rather than expecting me to read your thoughts.
-You cannot play games with me. Telling me about other guys to make me jealous or planning dates for specific days to pressure me into committing to you are wicked and manipulative.
-While we are dating, you cannot have a "backup plan." I expect you to not be splitting your attention between me and other men. This includes spending time outside of work with other men (family excluded).
-You must be in shape. Don't be dishonest with yourself about your weight; check your BMI. This includes being underweight, anorexic, and bulimic.
-You cannot have taken any COVID-19 vaccinations from any provider.
-No smoking, drugs, or drunkenness.
-I expect you to completely renounce fast food if we date or marry. We will never feed our children McDonald's.
What you can expect from me:
-While we are dating, I will not be speaking to other women.
-I cannot meet your height, money, or attractiveness expectations. I am simply an average dude. I am critical, abstract, and imaginative in my thinking though.
-I will not ask you to do something that is unreasonable or demeaning. I will only ask of you what I expect from myself. No relationship is going to be 50/50 100% of the time, but I will put forth the effort I am able to. I expect the same out of you.
-I will not raise my hand against you. My hands will be a safe place for you.
-I will be available to listen to your troubles and help you bear through them.
-I will not demean you or humiliate you, whether or not you are in the room.
-I will show leadership in our house and exercise restraint with a mild temper.
-I will cherish you and treat you as my own body.
-I will devote myself to displaying my love for you in a language you understand, even if I am feeling distant from you because of troubles we face. I expect the same from you.
-I will not turn to another woman and betray you.
-I intend to keep every promise that I make with you.
-I will treat our children with patience and kindness, but diligently discipline them and instruct them appropriately.
Please tell me a bit about yourself and what you expect out of a relationship, but be practical and clear. A list of platitudes like "loyal, honest, etc" does not help me understand what you're looking for. Think about what your expectations look like in a tangible, everyday way.

I am queer, and my types are all over the place. Just curious what you're all into!
Edit: to answer my own question... People who confidently play Bards in D&D,
People with large lips and sad eyes,
Mean bisexuals with American traditional tattoos,
Aphrodite built book -tok women，
And Jeff Goldblum

To begin this post I would like to remind everyone that this is a pro-disclosure sub. While you can debate the things you don’t like about disclosing; encouraging people not to disclose or stating that you currently don’t or plan not to disclose is not allowed in this subreddit.
I have looked through a lot of previous posts/comments about disclosure and gathered what people have said works best for them. Hopefully having this all in one place will help anyone who needs it.
There’s plenty of reasons why disclosure is a good thing. More than anything, people have the right to make decisions regarding their own health. I understand that a lot of people, myself included, did not get that choice. I’m very sorry if this was the case for you. The reasons and tips I’ve included are not necessarily my own, for the most part I’ve just copied and pasted them from comments/posts.
Here is the reasons I’ve found that people have for disclosing:
-I didn’t get a choice so I made sure to give others the choice.
-I don’t know how it will affect someone else. They could be immunocompromised and have more frequent/severe outbreaks as a result. They could have mental health concerns that could be made worse.
-It had a big impact on me physically/mentally and I don’t want to do that to someone else.
-I’d rather be known as someone who takes steps to protect my partners rather than be known as someone who doesn’t if someone tells other people my status.
-I find that people who are accepting of hsv tend to be better at respecting my boundaries.
-Some people have gotten the ‘I have it too’ response when disclosing. -It helps me screen the people I’m dating.
-It’s kept me from doing (whatever) with people I don’t feel completely comfortable doing those things with.
-I know that people who accept my hsv are less likely to only be interested in sleeping with me.
-The more people who disclose, the less negative stigma there will be as people realize how common any kind of hsv is.
-No one’s nut is more important than someone’s health.(this one makes me laugh every time I read it).
-I don’t want to be the person someone hates because I took away their choice. -We respect other areas of another person’s ability to make choices regarding their own body, why wouldn’t we when it comes to this?
-If it’s a hookup and I’m only going to be with them for one night I’m really not losing anything if I disclose and they say no.
I know disclosing can be intimidating. Fear of rejection is a normal part of dating/hookups in general. If I could go back in time and tell myself anything that I’ve found helps me know it would be to remind myself that we all can/do reject people for any reason. I like to keep my disclosures pretty simple, to the point and let people know I understand that this can be a dealbreaker for some people. I also offer to answer any questions they might have even if they choose not to move forward with me.
I highly recommend taking some time away from dating in general if your diagnosis is new. I know some people find it easier to adjust but generally it takes a toll mentally and it’s always better to figure out your personal stuff before trying to navigate something new on top of dating. Just something I’ve learn in my experience.
Here are the disclosure tips/questions I’ve found:
-Be confident. A few people, myself included, initially disclosed in a way that made it seem like hsv is the end of the world. While I don’t deny that some people have horrible experiences, hsv does not immediately mean that you will have constant horrible experiences.
-Keep it short, but honest. Some people like to include transmission rates, if they’re taking meds. While I do think these can help you be more successful with disclosure, a huge paragraph can seem intimidating. You can always mention that you have hsv, and if they want more information specifically about meds, transmission rates, etc.. That you can provide that if they’re interested in learning more,
-Why do you disclose? This one is something you can include if you chose to, personally I do. I always say “I disclose because you deserve to make an informed decision about whether moving forward is the right thing for you.” I’ve found that including this leads to less negative or rude responses.
-Testing A few people chose to acknowledge that hsv isn’t regularly tested for. Which I think is a great thing to include. Not only does it mean people learn something that is beneficial to them. I’ve also had experiences where the person I disclosed to went to get tested afterwards and found out they also have the same type of hsv as me. I highly highly recommend getting yourself and the person you are disclosing to be tested. Hsv is not the only thing out there. I’ve had people come back and tell me they tested positive for other things that I didn’t have.
-When do I disclose?? Ultimately the when is up to you, as long as it’s before any risk of transmission. Some people say after x amount of dates I’ll disclose. Some choose before any dates, some choose once sex is looking like a strong possibility.
Personally I’ve always done it before the first date. I only do this because I get easily attached to people, and I’d just rather not get emotionally attached to someone who would walk away due to my hsv.
-Can I say herpes? That’s up to you. I know lots of people avoid saying herpes when it’s first brought up, I do too. Mainly because people tend to think about the worst case scenario whenever they hear it. I always say hsv-2, as this also allows them to do their own research on my specific type if they choose to do so.
-Answering questions I think it’s fair to say a good amount of people are going to have questions. Some people don’t and that’s totally okay. I definitely got asked a few when I was first diagnosed that I didn’t have the answers to. I just told them “to be honest I’m not sure but I will find out so we can both be more informed.” Then asked my question on this subreddit or found the answer elsewhere.
-Do I have to tell them how I got it? I know a lot of people who don’t have hsv tend to think you have to sleep with a lot of people to get it. Which is not the case and no shame to anyone where that is the case. Personally I do share how I got it, for two reasons. The first is because I do generally have a hard time being intimate because of the situation I was in that gave me this. The second is to kind of help break the weird way people tend to think of people with hsv. To be clear, I in no way think I’m better than someone who gets this from having multiple partners. I just want the people I disclose to to realize that there’s all types of situations that can lead to someone getting hsv and that no negative judgment should be given to someone who has it. I don’t deny that I take a bit of joy in letting people know what led to me getting hsv when they’re being jerks by thinking they’re somehow better than people with this. You definitely don’t have to let people know how you got it. How much of your own experience you share is completely up to you.
-Is it harder to disclose based on my gender? There seems to be this debate that certain people have it harder based on their gender. Personally I really don’t think there should be. I think disclosing is intimidating to anyone. There’s no exact way of knowing how someone reacts to you telling them you have hsv. I’ve dealt with my fair share of positive and negative disclosures while being someone whose gender tends to be far more of an issue to people than having hsv. There are downsides to dating as any gender. I’d really like for this post to not become a place where people try to debate who has who has it worse. At the end of the day we’re all people with hsv. Everyone has to deal with the high expectations of whoever they’re dating pool is.
I can’t really speak to who is harder in terms of men/women, because I haven’t lived those experiences completely as a woman or a man. Though I can say as someone with both a vagina and a penis (having both post diagnosis, since there’s always questions about this feel free to ask them, as long as it’s respectful I have no problems answering them) that my experience hasn’t been particularly positive or negative.
-My doctor said I don’t have to disclose, why are you telling me I should? Well, if all of the reasons I gave above for disclosing aren’t enough for you, I actually did go to medical school and recently acquired my medical degree. The whole thing with doctors saying that is a rather outdated way of thinking by the doctors. They simply weren’t that educated on it. The school I went to, and also in my pre-med did a good job at letting us know some good stuff about hsv, still not as in-depth as I would have liked. However, compared to someone I actually did disclose to, a med student who’s education on hsv was severely lacking. The way things are being taught now(again only at the school I attended as far as I know) is getting better. I don’t deny my bias as someone who also has hsv and did send plenty of letters to schools/hospitals that I know still have outdated ways of approaching hsv cases. While hsv is common, with no real way to completely prevent it, please just disclose.
-Can I just say that I get cold sores? Look, I get the temptation of just saying we all get cold sores, but personally I’d stay away from this unless you have ohsv-1, some reasons can actually be beneficial when disclosing. If you have ohsv-1, saying you get cold sores is totally fine. Though I strongly suggest also letting them know that there is a chance to get ghsv-1 but it is less likely than them getting ohsv-1. If you have ghsv-1, you can say that you have the virus that causes cold sores just genitally, you can also include that it has less chances of transmission that if you had it orally. if you have hsv-2 in either location I really discourage saying you get cold sores. You can definitely say you have what is in the same family as the cold sore virus, to me though just saying you get cold sores when you have hsv-2 feels deceptive when what you have behaves differently(again that is my personal opinion). If you have ohsv-2 the fact that is less transmissible than ghsv-2 works in your favour. Ghsv-2(what I have) I’d suggest just leaving it with ghsv-2, I’ve definitely included that it is the same family of viruses that causes cold sores, it’s just a different type that behaves differently. You might actually cause confusion by trying to make it seem exactly the same as cold sores(yeah, I know they’re very similar I’ve just never fund that making them seem exactly the same goes well, I’ve even asked people I’ve disclosed to what they’d thing of being disclosed to for hsv-2 in general like this, almost all of them said they’d feel lied to and would rather just hear hsv-2 and location).
In all of the reasons I’ve found that people have for not disclosing, none of them are really even good reasons. They all come with a negative side. I understand that people may have different opinions on this, but ultimately if you feel that disclosing isn’t something you should do then you should probably look into therapy. I say that only because I’ve noticed that people who feel that way tend to have some anger towards their own diagnosis and therapy helped me a lot in dealing with my own feelings regarding my diagnosis. I’ve even had that moment of ‘do I really have to?’ and I couldn’t think of single reason that made sense.
I understand that a lot of people have the fear of having their hsv status spread to other people. This is a completely normal thing to be afraid of. I’ve had people tell others my status and while it sucked, in my experience, it more negatively impacted the person who shared that information about me than it did to me. I now look at the people I’m going to disclose to and if I have a single thought that they might do that then I know they’re not someone I’d be interested in. You can always put off activities that would put you in the position where disclosure is necessary until you feel ready to tell them. Always remember that someone who tries to pressure you into things where transmission is possible before you are ready is someone you probably don’t want to be doing those things with anyway.
Disclosing can be done over text, on the phone, or in person. Personally I opt for over text, as I just find it easier and like to have proof that I did in fact disclose just in case someone tried to say that I didn’t, and so that they can easily find the information I gave them about hsv, should they want to look it over again. There can be moments when you’re talking to someone and you think ‘this is the perfect moment to disclose’ but they don’t always happen like that. Don’t be afraid to make that moment happen.
I hope at least someone finds this helpful. If anyone has any questions, or advice that I didn’t cover just comment and I’ll edit my post to include it so people don’t have to sort through the comments to find it. As a reminder, this post is meant to be helpful to those who might be struggling to disclose, either because they haven’t yet or haven’t had much success, it is not mean for debating if disclosure should happen, because disclosure should always happen, and I’m not against reporting anyone if I have to.
Right now I’m way too tired to read this over, so if I made any mistakes, feel free to (respectfully) correct me in the comments.

I’m a bi woman, and I’m very physically and sexually attracted to women. I enjoy making out with women, cuddling, using strap-ons / toys with women, and looking at / touching pretty much everywhere except their vagina. I do go down on women or finger them but mostly for their pleasure than my own (and I’d be very happy to avoid it). This does make me question sometimes how gay I am (yes I know genitals ≠ gender but enjoying dick much more than pussy makes me feel straight) Anyone with similar experiences or thoughts?

So don't get me wrong I understand the reason for a uniform is to make sure that your workers are recognizable so that people can come to them for help but do they have to be so uncomfortable and ugly?
When it comes to office buildings I think it is strange to be forced to wear uncomfortable suit and ties just to sit at a desk and fill out papers and answer phone calls. Honestly most of the people you are likely to see is you other coworkers and that is it.
Customer service and restaurant jobs are just as bad. As someone who has mainly worked in restaurants the clothing choices are not flattering and it seems like the materials are terribly made
Where I used to work they required us to wear tshirts tucked into kaki pants. Even in the middle of summer when our AC and drink machines went out only our delivery guys were allowed to wear shorts.they also require us to wear a specific shirt that you have to pay 30$ for or else you only have the one shirt
The job I work at now is not as bad looking but it is still uncomfortable. They require us to wear polo shirts that are extremely constricting, you can see every spill or mess (which happens alot in a restaurant). The men's tops are extremely long so they are required to be tucked in and the women's shirts are designed to be tighter and short enough that most of the girls have their stomach exposed when they lift their arms. You get two shirts and if you want more then 40$ a shirt.
The pants options are a dark wash pair of jeans but not too dark. They actually have a color chart they check us with in case it is too light or dark. There is the option to wear a golf Skirt but it has to be an A-line skort with belt loops and a 5 inch inseam. Looking for that specific skort is really hard to find especially since it has to be a poly cotton blend but it can't be a specific texture. The only ones they link us to is from something similar to trader Joe's which I don't have a membership to. If I don't wear pants or a skort then they have black gold shorts but I have been dress coded for them "not looking golf shorty enough".
Shoes are the standard nonslip but they cannot be any other color aside from all black. There has been times people have been dress coded for shoes having offered colored bottoms , logos, or strings. Earrings can only be stud earrings and cannot have anything else. Some of.the servers got in trouble havimg cutsey frog earrings or flower earrings. You are only allowed one piercing in your ear and no face piercings at all. I understand the worry of them getting snagged or falling in food but the different between a basic stud earrings and a frog face earrings doesn't matter.
Tattoos are allowed but servers are forced to cover them up if they have a connecting sleeve or neck tattoos. Nail polish is only allowed by female servers and they have to be "perfect".
They have sent servers home for.little things even though the store is already short staffed. They focus on the little details when the focus should be on our guests. I think that the ice machine breaking down every other day, the dish machine leaking out into the floor, and pos systems not reading cards is more important than sending someone home for having pink bows in their hair

I [22F] am traveling in Japan with my frend Rebecca [22F]. We are currently in Kyoto, and last night, Rebecca told me that she would love to visit an onsen.
Now, I don't have any tattoos, but Rebecca has a great deal of them. I read online that some Japanese women with small tattoos will cover them up when they go to an onsen, but this was clearly out of the question for Rebecca, who has too many to cover, not to mention her full-back piece.
I told her upfront that we'd have to find one that accepts people with tattoos, but she insisted that it would be fine because she as a foreigner. Again, I had read horror stories about people getting kicked out, and I informed her of this. She insisted it was OK, so we found the closest indoor onsen (sento?) near us.
We walked up to the front counter and using a translation app, communicated with the staff. She pointed at a sign that clearly said "NO TATTOOS" with pictures of cartoon characters with tattoos that had big crosses on them. Rebecca said OK, and I hesitantly said OK.
Well, we get into the dressing room and start taking off our clothes. There was nobody in there at that time, but when we got to the baths, it was pretty crowded. To my surprise, nobody openly gawked at Rebecca, but I did notice one older woman get out of the baths when we got in. Chalking it up to coincidence, I figured it was no big deal.
Well, apparently she told on us, because about 15 minutes later a female staff member came in, approached Rebecca, and asked her to leave. I was in a separate cold tub at that point about 20~ feet away, so while I could overhear the conversation, I couldn't do anything. Rebecca kept looking at me as if she was asking for help, but I refused to make eye contact because getting kicked out of a venue in a foreign country is kind of humiliating.
I got back to the hotel where Rebecca got really mad at me for not helping her out. She told me that I should have "backed her up," but with the grand total of three Japanese words I know, I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I told her it was her own fault for ignoring the rules of the host culture, and she said that I was happy to ignore them too when we went. She left early this morning for solo sightseeing and I've been alone in the hotel since.
Am I the asshole here?

hello everyone or anyone or more realistically no one. I am here to hopefully meet someone and develop a genuine connection. I recently got out of a relationship... probably a few months ago and was feeling a little down and I don't really like dating apps so I thought I would give this a try. so hopefully I could find someone interesting that also finds me interesting and we could build something together whether that's purely a friendship or relationship.
so on to the details, I am obviously 29 from california, im pretty liberal or progressive or whatever you want to call it so I would probably get along more with people who are open minded. just so you all know I do have piercing and tattoos, which I know can be a deal breaker for some, im what I guess some would call alternative and definitely attracted to alternative women but that is far from necessary. I love listening to music and going to shows, so if you have any recommendations please let me know. I'm very much into a lot of different types of metal, indie, jazz, noise, honestly im pretty open to new music. I very much enjoy playing video games, my favorite all time is probably elden ring I might go back for another play through as it's been such a long time. anything dark or horror related is my favorite to talk about, watch or experience. I have frequently asked people what's your favorite scary movie but no one really gets the reference even though that is still a legitimate question.
as much of a homebody as I am i do enjoy going out with the right person and experiencing new things. nature and animals I absolutely love. it makes kind of sense as I work with plants and going back to school for that field as well. just so you know also vegan. as far as animals go i have a bunch of cats, I've had many dogs in my life but none right now, and im thinking about getting a snake as well, long story short if you need animal pictures I got you on all the pictures.
I am pretty terrible at introductions,as im pretty shy but after a bit and especially one on one I tend to become way more talkative and rant as you can probably tell already.
I'm really not looking for anything in particular, just hopefully a good connection and genuine soul. I can be a little bit clingy but im working on that. I will say that I do hope I could find someone that could potentially materialize into a relationship but does not have to.
well I thinks that's all I have for now, maybe we'll talk soon

hello everyone or anyone or more realistically no one. I am here to hopefully meet someone and develop a genuine connection. I recently got out of a relationship... probably a few months ago and was feeling a little down and I don't really like dating apps so I thought I would give this a try. so hopefully I could find someone interesting that also finds me interesting and we could build something together whether that's purely a friendship or relationship.
so on to the details, I am obviously 29 from california, im pretty liberal or progressive or whatever you want to call it so I would probably get along more with people who are open minded. just so you all know I do have piercing and tattoos, which I know can be a deal breaker for some, im what I guess some would call alternative and definitely attracted to alternative women but that is far from necessary. I love listening to music and going to shows, so if you have any recommendations please let me know. I'm very much into a lot of different types of metal, indie, jazz, noise, honestly im pretty open to new music. I very much enjoy playing video games, my favorite all time is probably elden ring I might go back for another play through as it's been such a long time. anything dark or horror related is my favorite to talk about, watch or experience. I have frequently asked people what's your favorite scary movie but no one really gets the reference even though that is still a legitimate question.
as much of a homebody as I am i do enjoy going out with the right person and experiencing new things. nature and animals I absolutely love. it makes kind of sense as I work with plants and going back to school for that field as well. just so you know also vegan. as far as animals go i have a bunch of cats, I've had many dogs in my life but none right now, and im thinking about getting a snake as well, long story short if you need animal pictures I got you on all the pictures.
I am pretty terrible at introductions,as im pretty shy but after a bit and especially one on one I tend to become way more talkative and rant as you can probably tell already.
I'm really not looking for anything in particular, just hopefully a good connection and genuine soul. I can be a little bit clingy but im working on that. I will say that I do hope I could find someone that could potentially materialize into a relationship but does not have to.
well I thinks that's all I have for now, maybe we'll talk soon

Food for thought:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bbpGkrViOcE
He pretty much nailed it in the video, right?
Women, does this mean that if a man isn’t getting any interest online it’s because he’s either not attractive enough or doesn’t look like he has money? How could a man change his ranking?
Women, is it possible we are ranking ourselves incorrectly?

• Getting ghosted regularly? Feel like men are saying things to trigger you so that you break all contact? Have a history of volitile relationships? Maybe you’re seen as being in the “danger zone.”
  
• Getting lots of unsolicited dick pics? Getting lots of offers to “Netflix and chill,” but not actual dates or meaningful connections? Maybe you’re seen as someone in the “fun zone.”
  
• Having serial monogamous relationships, meeting friends and family, but never getting the ring? Perhaps you’re stuck in the “date zone.”
  

Women, instead of ranking ourselves …and expecting to be treated accordingly… can we take an honest look at how we are being treated by the opposite sex (while dating) and see where we might be ranked according to men? Should we instead decide what zone we want to be in, and then act accordingly?
Men, I’d be interested to hear what personal preferences you have that make women automatically lose points … (without fear of criticism, attacks, or downvotes). Weight? Having kids? Masculine traits? Tattoos and blue hair?
I say this because I believe in The Matching Theory, or Matching Hypothesis. People pair better (long term) when they are with someone equal. The problem, especially with online dating (OLD)… is that we don’t recognize our “equal” when it’s right there in our in-box.

My life really is complicated and complex. After trying to just "fit in", I'm just starting to feel I'm too complicated and complex. I feel I will probably get judged and this post will crash and burn, which is why I created this new temporary account. Not really looking for advice on who I am, but just wanting to know if anyone comes close to relating. Here we go:
ASD Level 1 (self-diagnosed) Over the past few years, I finally put two and two together and realized I have autism, but it went undetected due to me learning how to mask quite well. There were always small indications, but while growing up me nor my parents didn't know much about autism. So finding out later in life explained a lot and helped me to understand myself better, but didn't really change much. I had innately found ways to cope with sensory overloads and found safe places to go to when I felt overwhelmed, I overcame some of the stemming I used to deal with by just becoming more self-aware, and I learned how to catch and respond to social cues better. But with all of that being said, when I realized I'd been masking all this time, I felt like everything in my life was fake and I was never truly happy about anything. I was just adapting to societal norms. Even though things looked great on the outside, it was all a facade. I hadn't discovered the real me yet.
OCD I think this kind of overlaps with the ASD, but I sometimes get agitated when certain things aren't done a certain way or at least in an orderly fashion. Everything I do is NOT neat and organized, but certain things are. I generally like to make a thorough plan and stick to it as much as possible. I'm not unreasonable about making adjustments, but with a thorough plan, audibles should be taken into consideration in the planning stage. I can get rather agitated when a well thought out plan is disregarded for an 'in the moment' replacement. I'm less OCD about HOW things are organized, but just prefer there is some organization that makes sense. But every now and then, I'll make superficial adjustments to things, because it didn't look right.
Introvert (INFJ-A) So it's not uncommon for people to be introverted, but I'm and INFJ-A. You can look it up at 16personalities.com for more information. But one of the traits of my personality type is that I look for friends like I'm searching for a soulmate. Meaning, I value platonic friendships just as much as romantic relationships. Unfortunately, many people don't always care for the depth of friendship I look for. In many cases, it involves me trying to connect with people of similar core beliefs, hobbies, and preferences. I think this is mainly because I've never really connected with someone on such a meaningful level as a close friend. So I strongly desire that. I'm also aware that this sounds very idealistic. But a lot of the complications and complexities start with the topics below.
Agnostic/Atheist Long story short, I grew up in a very religious family and church environment. It defined who I was for a good portion of my life. It made me be someone I'm not for many years. After too many years of my whole life being immersed in Christianity, I walked away from it and became agnostic atheist. Agnostic (dealing with knowledge), because I don't make any claims to 'know' there is or isn't a god or gods. Atheist (dealing with beliefs), because I'm not convinced there is a god or gods. Being the only Atheist in my family has been hard to say the least. All connections don't feel the same anymore and I feel completely disconnected. Same with friendships I had. I just feel alienated. This is an extreme abridged version of things, because the entire story and details are just too long, but the feeling of isolation is real and leads me to the next topic.
Black American Male Being a heterosexual black man in America is hard. The majority of black men in America are either religious or have some type of affiliation with a belief in a god. In many cases, a belief in the Christian god. The history of Christianity and black Americans should be enough to make a POC at least pause and consider that there is something wrong about it, but instead, many black Americans hold on to Christianity for dear life and reject the numerous and obvious issues. Ironically, I get it. As I shared earlier, I spent many years in the belief system and know it well. I know the mindset of how many people are thinking while in it. So I'm empathetic and annoyed at the same time. But with that being said, being an open (not militant) black atheist in a very religious area is a challenge. In many cases, I don't seem atheist enough, because I don't drink, smoke, vape, or do 420 products or other substances, and I've never been one to wear jewelry, get piercings, or even tattoos. Nothing is wrong with doing these things. I just never acquired a taste for any of them. I'm juat a friendly and rational guy. So as you can imagine, this makes me seem boring and plain. Maybe I am, but after years of being taught these things are bad and now having the freedom to do them, I'm genuinely just not interested. I'm also not really into sports. I understand them and can watch them, but I don't have any favorite teams or players or keep up with stats. I used to be into video games, but not so much anymore. I was raised to speak proper English so many of my classmates viewed me as a preppy goodie two shoe type that thought I was better than them. That wasn't the case, but that's all they could see. I didn't come from a rich family. Just from parents who knew how to manage their money well. I'm kind of a nerd at heart even though I probably don't look the part. I've just always been a little different.
Artist/Creative Many people that are artists or creatives experience this. Fans of your talent/work get so absorbed in liking WHAT you do, that they don't realize there's a human being with thoughts, feelings, opinions, and views about things behind the talent. I'll just say that I'm multi-talented in the arts. Musician, composer, sound designer, animator, motion graphics designer, voice talent, filmmaker, 3D modeling, etc. I do more, but I think you get the idea. This is the most dominant thing about me. I can do a lot of things. Even more on the technical side of things. So people appreciate that I'm somewhat of a Jack of all trades, but don't necessarily appreciate me. People know me for my talents. These things tend to overshadow ME, the person...the human being. People want to connect with me all the time, but rarely for reasons that would actually make me happy or be truly beneficial for me. If it's mutually beneficial and just business, that's cool. However, that's usually not the case. Plus, I think people feel I have this extraordinary personality since I do many thing with excellence. So I guess it's a let down when I'm just a normal plain guy that appreciates simplicity under all my 'flashy' talents.
Open Minded After becoming atheist, I saw the world for what it is. I stopped being a judgmental, prideful, hypocritical, bigot and embraced being an empath. I had judged people for so long in Christianity. When I found myself outside of this bubble I had been raised in for so long, it was humbling to be on the outside of it amongst the people I used to look down upon...including people that didn't go to a Christian based church, people that drank, smoked, clubbed, and had premarital sex, the lgbtq+ community, and of course, atheists. I was basically raised in a cult. There's no other way to say it. But after leaving, I just began to understand the real world so much better. But yeah, I wanted to apologize to so many people, but all I could do is be a better person moving forward. One thing I did was have conversations and build connections with people that are in the lgbtq+ community. I became friends with a gay guy. It was new for me, considering my previous belief was so anti lgbtq+, but we got along good. We're not best friends, but he is good people and we keep in contact. I also met a bi woman that educated me about ENM. I was so so so ignorant about ENM. She mentioned poly relationships and all I could think of was polygamy or threesomes...lol She explained to me the actual different types of poly and how they are ethical relationships. I guess I couldn't see the ethical part due to my previous Christian world view, but when I removed myself from that belief system, ENM made sense as an alternative to monogamous relationships. But I'm just saying all of this to say, I'm not the judgmental person I used to be. I'm still a work in progress, but I've come a long way from being very narrow minded. Which leads me to the next part.
Relationships/Family/Tribe So while not knowing I had ASD all this time, I managed to get married and have kids. I only looked up autism when our kids got diagnosed. But it all made sense. It's usually passed on by the male. But after leaving Christianity, the marriage got a bit bumpy, but we worked things out. It's not the marriage I envisioned I would have, but then again, I'm not the person I thought I would be 15 years ago. Fortunately, my wife isn't heavy on religious stuff, but we had to discuss some things to make it work. As shared earlier, family just made me feel isolated and like a guest around them. It's never going to be the same. The friends I thought I had are still in the belief I left and making new friends has been a nightmare. I've come to realize that I'm just very particular about the people I will allow in my life...men or women. Right now, I don't really have much of any women in my life. Mainly due to how the majority of society feels about marriage and opposite sex friendships. It's really exhausting. My wife has male and female friends. I'm not jealous. Those are her friends that she has bonds with. She's fine with me doing the same, but the combination of ASD, OCD, Introversion, an ex-Christian with an established reputation turned atheism, being a black male in America, being a creative, being married, having kids, being open minded, and not really having any close friends apparently just trips all red flags for people. I'm genuinely just wanting to find mutual close friendships. Basically I want to find my tribe. Whether it's just one person or a few. I want to feel like I fit in somewhere, because I don't right now. And if it's a woman, I'm not looking for a romantic relationship, but it's usually hard to convey that when you look for friends like you look for a soulmate.
Anyway, I know I'm not crazy, but I also realize that I may come off a little 'different' to people. Maybe even misunderstood. But I'm just wanting to know, are there any other people that feel like they are the intersection point of several minority groups that just makes life complicated and complex for you?