Hello. Please bear with me because i just went through a break-up. It's the first time I've ever felt a real connection with a fellow sapphic even though I've dated before and I am seriously tweaking over it. She has told me about her circumstances and how she had to give up our relationship, assured that I'm not the problem why she had decided to end things between us. They are going through stuff right now (pressure from work and family) and I wish I was nearby (we are in a LDR) to give her a crushing hug (she likes it). After several days of no contact, i remembered that I can actually text her. My emotional maturity was never this bad. I stopped having control over my emotions. I was desperate to win her back. I did what I could to get her attention because she had me blocked elsewhere. I know I shouldn't be texting her anymore. Just when I said my formal farewell through text, she replied after ignoring me- and it broke me easily. I went back on my word. I was uncharacteristically pathetic. I word vomited how I am still very much in love with her even when she was mean to me. I'm not getting a reply anymore and I wish it will stay that way forever because I see myself begging again. The power she has over me is incomparable to anyone I have ever been with. I think I'm being toxic about the whole situation. Can I please get an advice on how to take it slow or how to cope from this? Because if I'm being honest, it feels like I'm grieving over someone's loss. It's devastating yet I still want her.

I have been mixing up my loadouts these days to spice things up. Recently I have been having a bit of a love affair with the arc thrower. To preface - I only play helldive difficulty these days and all this feedback is based on helldive.
I will say I have had a lot of fun running arc thrower, but I will also admit it has a lot of flaws, perhaps too many, and could use a little love. It really doesn’t need anything too major, but I will discuss my thoughts and experience here. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.
The PROS ⚡️⚡️⚡️

• Great for crowd control if you can gain some space. 20-30 meters is ideal as the max range is now about 30 meters. With the ship upgrade you can chain to 3 targets if they are lined up or bunched up.
  
• The stagger effect (this is the only thing that makes this weapon viable, imo). You can push back hordes of brood commanders and even bile spewers and (slowly) shock them to death
  
• Infinite ammo, which funny enough is probably the weakest “strength” of this weapon because it has to be balanced around it, while other support weapons essentially have infinite ammo with the ship full resupply upgrade. I never run out of AC ammo because 1 supply pack refills to full, and you can just call another backpack down once the cooldown is up.
  
• No backpack, but you really need to run one to make this thing viable on higher levels. I will discuss backpacks more later.
  

The CONS ⛈️⛈️⛈️

• Must be careful around teammates. For the most success you just have to hope your teammates understand the cone radius and to let you handle things without running into your lightning. Not a huge ask, but a lot of folks are operating with 2 brain cells and love to get in the way of you and your targets. I have been in many situations where I can’t use the weapon because people are too close. Pro tip - always stand BEHIND the arc thrower guy and there is a 0% chance it will kill you.
  
• It takes forever to kill Hulks/Chargers without help. Chargers take about 5-6 headshots (yes, headshots) based on my tests. If you aren’t hitting the head every time it can take 7-8 shots sometimes. Hulks die a bit faster, but headshotting them somehow became really inconsistent after the last arc thrower change. You also can no longer stun hulks :(
  
• Although it can handle both heavy units by itself, it can be very time consuming, and during that time your team is moving on, and other enemies are approaching. Fighting a charger alone is free, but fighting one with a bunch of bugs jumping on you is quite the struggle with arc thrower. If you aren’t careful you will find yourself in giant fights that you probably shouldn’t be in.
  
• Misfires - these seem to happen usually when there isn’t a clear path to a target, but I’ve also had it happen when I’m in prime position to blast a spawn. A misfire messes up the cadence of stuns and cripples the weapon badly. It feels really fucking bad to be crowd controlling a bunch of guys only for the gun to triple misfire and suddenly you are swarmed and dead. This needs to be fixed ASAP and the gun would feel wayyy better.
  
• Basically useless against elites. This is fine on paper, as a weapon that excels in chaf clear shouldn’t excel and killing elites, but it would be nice if they could feasibly down one without dancing around for 5 mins. It can strip the armor off a bile titan which is kinda neat.
  
• Terrible at point blank range. If little bugs get too close you MUST swap to another weapon to deal with them. Arc thrower will just stop working and you will eat tons of damage if you don’t clear them out with something else.
  

How I would buff it:

1. consistently stagger hulks again please. Arc thrower is already not great for bots, but now it has almost no appeal without being able to stun hulks. That was an interesting niche it filled that has been removed.
   
2. either increase fire rate or damage to make the heavy killing experience a bit faster than paint drying. Yes, it has infinite ammo, but that should be more of a unique feature rather than a reason to keep its power so low. Other support weapons really have no ammo issues nowadays, and are essentially infinite ammo. Also Quasar exists…so theres that.
   

General arc thrower tips!

• Use a backpack! It helps a lot! My favorite is shield pack so you can shrug off encroaching enemies and be able to dip in and out of the fray easier. Dog laser is good too to kill chaf that gets too close as well as shoot behind you as run. Jetpack I haven’t used with this, but it can be very strong and allow you to get high ground and escape bad situations.
  
• Swap to a shotgun or close range weapon for enemies that get too close. Arc thrower doesn’t work well at point blank range, so always be ready to whip out a shotgun when the little bugs get too close. I use the incendiary breaker (so original) but it works great in tandem.
  
• Be careful when teammates are close. If you charged a shot already you can aim up and fire into space to expend a charge if needed.
  
• Stun grenades can help you gain some distance and free shots on bigger targets.
  
• Be sure to run elite killing stratagems like 500kg, orbital railcannon, orbital laser, 380 barrage, etc. You don’t need much chaf clear as the arc thrower will be your main source of chaf clear anyways.
  
• Run into the fray! But also be ready to run away when things get too hairy. Remember you always want to be about 20-30 meters away.
  
• Aim for headshots! Things will die a lot faster if you hit criticals with arc thrower. Aim high as it trends downward.
  

Let me know your thoughts on arc thrower if you’re an arc thrower enjoyer!

I've been a resident for 24 years now and I still cannot bring myself to like this city. If I can even call it a city. Besides the lack of greenery and decent people, I've got a few solid reasons - DHBVN cut off my electricity after we contested 43k electricity bill. Apparently they've been charging us an average since August since our metre was faulty. They installed a new metre sometime in Jan/Feb without any notice to us. It's only when we raised a complaint abt the bill that all these 'facts' were revealed to us. Complete lack of cooperation from the DHBVN folks. Very jat way of turning you away and making you feel helpless. Questions remained answered. Highly dismissive when we asked them about how they even calculated their average and their method of billing us since August 2023. No answers. The person stopped responding and kept staring at his computer. I felt so helpless.
After i raised the complaint, they send my application to Hisar and it'll be sorted and I wouldn't have to pay these inflated, baseless charges. 4 days later, they cut my electricity because the complaint wasn't fed in their system. I went again to sort it out. Not a single utterance of 'sorry for the inconvenience'. Instead I got 'jod toh Diya madam, aaur kya karru main.' I didn't want to aggravate the issue so I let my witty comeback stay inside. But lo and behold, yesterday they cut my electricity again - realised it after 2 hrs of no electricity. Guess the reason this time - they hadn't filled in my complaint in their system. AGAIN.
There's some water issue every week. Either the pipes are filled with air in the kitchen or the bathrooms, preventing the flow of water. Every month, we face days where inspire of the motor being on for 4-5 hrs, our tanki isn't filled up. Have to ration basic bathing routines. And I'm very careful with water wastage anyway. Sometimes, there's no water to flush after the morning poop. I've started filling up two buckets at night so the next day basic water supply is secure.
Next, I've got bloody current fluctuation in my sector. Or maybe just my house. The AC stops working. My treadmill out of nowhere stopped. The fridge has gone down a couple of times. No matter how many times I change that little white box that regulates the electricity supply, something or the other breaks down.
Let's move onto the third - there are no trees here. There are but not enough for humans to enjoy. I'm not saying build a bloody paradise. But what the hell - why is there always concrete in my vision. I've planted a few trees. Planted seeds when I was a kid and i see some of the them blooming but it's not enough.
Fourth. I hate the wedding seasons. There's a vacant space in front of my house and the residents use it for all kinds of functions. There's music blaring throughout the night.no curfew, no control. So loud that the floor vibrates. And wedding seasons are the worst. 20+ years of this incivility and I'm still not used to it. I don't think Im asking for too much if I ask for a curfew time. Am I?
Number five - the monsoons. Actually no. Rains anytime. Even if it's rained for 20 minutes, the roads will be clogged up. The drainage system is so poor. It takes a day and a half for it to clear up. Monsoons is another story.
I don't like the people either if I'm being totally honest but that's just my bias. They're interfering but so is 95% of this country. But I can't wrap my head around how they talk. It's pointed but not in a kind way. This is still something I can work around because I like politeness so I'm to blame for expecting it.
But everything else - I cannot. I also know I can't do anything about it. I'll vote but we know who's coming back to power. This is a grey, bleary city and the heat's getting to me. It's so grey. And not in the highly efficient albeit dystopian grey. Just ugly and gloomy grey. I loathe the roads too. Not a single smooth road until we reach the Jaipur highway.
All I can do it rant. And maybe, help myself feel slightly relieved.

This is for the guy trying to say not to give money to homeless people flying a sign. This my personal experience from being homeless in Wilmington. I can't say as I speak for everyone, just my experience. 

I'm still homeless, but I've moved out of Wilmington. I had to teach myself how to read and write all over again, and this is what I do now. I hope you enjoy.

 Six-thirty am, I woke up to my alarm. I had to be at work at nine, and I didn't want to be frazzled from being in panic mode on my first day, hurried, and hassled. No, sir. You don't get too many chances to make a first impression. 

 Rolled out of my sleeping bag with a smooth, well practiced motion, unzipped the flap, and made my way out into brisk spring morning air, taking a brief pause, taking in the natural beuaty of the forest. If it hadn't been for the sounds of the highway a few hundred yards away, this scene could have been from a camping trip or hike that I remembered from days gone by. I didn't pause to think about too long due to the urgency to find a suitable tree to relieve myself. Fifty feet, at least. Fifty feet. Otherwise, that smell could come back to haunt you. This wasn't a camping trip but rather where I lived. My homestead, abode, residence, shelter, and as far as I could tell, it would be for a long time to come. 

 I decided to drink my energy drink, which had come to replace my morning cup of brew, outside this fine morn, so I made my way back to the tent and pulled my Monster can and my half full box of handrolled cigarettes from their hiding places, turned around and walked the fifteen feet to my "visiting bench". Aptly named because that's where we all sat when someone came visiting, which wasn't very often, a few feet in front was the small firepit. A hundred or so yards beyond, down a respectable hill, sat Frankies tent, another fifty yards at the split in the trail was Chris's small pup tent, where a small pile of trash meant that Chris and I needed to talk. This was my site, and I had few rules, and trash was something I didn't want to see. 

 According to the rules out here, our social contract, the first person at a campsite was in charge and I had spent the last month of winter all alone here to earn the right to call the shots. After all, it was deemed The Allen Compound for the Criminally Insane by my friend who led a real boots on the ground street outreach in town, someone that I had insane respect for and not a small bit of love. We weren't. I won't speak to insane. 

 I took a seat on the bench, popped the top on the Monster, lit up a smoke, and took a big long pull of the drink. Spring was starting to show now, and the highway was slowly starting to hide behind the new growth of forest. My tent was already invisible from the road thanks to a large camouflaged tarp that I had strung to block the view once I recovered from the panic attack following the discovery of how visible it once was. That discovery came not long after I set up camp, as I was returning from town. Walking down the shoulder of the highway, I just happened to look up in the direction of my camp and saw that my tent sat in the middle of a big clearing of branches, making a perfect frame for my work of art. The realization that thousands of people could have seen that on a daily basis. I was live bait for any psychotic person or persons to visit on a full moon. Recalling the stories of people setting sleeping people on fire for the fun of watching a human cook, I instantly turned on my heels and headed back into town, a spy who just realized he'd been compromised. I didn't return until I had a tarp, but even then, it was some time before sleep came easy. 

 Seven am and the spring sun were now spreading its rays of love to its children in the forest undergrowth, letting everything know it was day shift now in the kingdom. Down below, I spied Frankie, who piled out of his tent and sprinted to a tree like his bladder had caught fire. At the sight of this, I barked three times in greeting. He threw his head back and made a rooster crow, knowing it would wake Chris up long enough to feel the urgency. And by the time I stood up finish the last bit of my morning nectar, sure enough, scrambled out of his tent and instantly let it go right beside where his head would lay when he slept. I shook my head and trudged to my place to change clothes. A light blue polo type short sleeve tucked neatly into my cleanest pair of jeans, then a long sleeve light flannel over that as a precaution, because a lesson learned early is that you dressed for all day. There was no going home to get a coat when the temps plummeted, so it was wise to have that coat ready at all times. I changed my socks, put on my shoes and out of the flap I went. I closed it up and placed a pine needle inside the zipper that would let me know when I got back if anyone had violated my space. 

Seven ten am, and I was on my way. I had fourty minutes to be at the bus stop a little over a mile from the camp and I didn't want to be late, so off I went down the trail, just past Frankies tent I took a left, pausing just long enough to notice that Chris had gone back to bed and left his flap door open, then another fifty yard and over the fence to what I referred to as the 'exposed zone'. There, I was out of the woods walking down a small trail hidden only from the waist down by overgrown weeds and grass. The exposed zone went about a hundred and fifty yards to the shoulder of the highway, where I would merge left, facing the oncoming traffic. At that point, it wouldn't be so obvious to passing cars that I had just emerged from the woods, and the exact spot would no doubt be a mystery. There, my pace stepped up to an average of four miles an hour, something that I had clocked many times, and these days, it was a knowledge that came in handy. I could deal with being homeless, but not tardy. Every minute I walked along the shoulder of the highway, I was fraught with danger, at least in my overactive brain. I could envision cars swerving to miss the car ahead and turning me into a hood ornament, or blowing a tire and taking me out when the driver loses control for that half a second. Maybe something would fall out of the many dump trucks that passed frequently at seventy miles an hour and cleanly decapitate me before I even saw it coming. Why not? It's not like I was having a good luck streak, let's be honest. 

Seven fifty am and I managed to make it to the bus stop with all my organs just where they should be and my head still attached to my body. I lit up a smoke and fished three quarters out of my pocket, ready to pay my way and go to work. The bus pulled up on time, and I climbed aboard, nodding to the driver in solidarity, one working man to the other, dropped my coins of passage into the box, turned and found an empty seat by the window. I watched as the scenery went from historical homes with their gates and carefully tended lawns to the brown crabgrass and dirt yards where the children played in poverty, then to the blocks of businesses where hopes and dreams were born and died, with their big banners proclaiming another last chance at big savings, or let you know that for the twentieth time this furniture store was going out of business and these prices wouldn't last. Nothing but a higher class of a carnival barker. Free financing, limited time only, no interest for ninety days, credit same as cash, act now, last chance to save, overstocked and marked down, employee pricing, never before savings, trade ins welcome, don't miss out, and my all time favorite, below wholesale. Imagine that a business surviving by losing money. The saddest part of it all is that these tactics worked on people. For the second time that morning, I shook my head. 

Eight thirty eight am and the doors open at my destination, my job site, half the bus stood up to depart. Standing up and slipping No. 7 onto my shoulders, I let the line shuffle past me with the knowledge that I had time to spare 

 Eight forty, I stepped off the bus, gravitating to have a smoke with a small group of like-minded people who nodded their approval as I approached. The signal that I was accepted in the circle of debauchery. I made it clear, though, that I had no time to make small talk because I had to go to work and I was a responsible person. On time, it was late, and ten minutes early was on time. That was my motto, starting now, at least. Eight fourty five am I started to the job site, feeling the anxiety butterflies come to life in the pit of my stomach. I had never done this sort of work before, and I hoped I would catch on quick. 

 Eight fifty am, and I was standing beside the exit lane of the Walmart Superstore on a patch of grass where the stopsign was planted, dropping No. 7 to the earth. I bent over and unzipped the section that contained the piece of cardboard. As I put my fingers on it, I felt emotions pour over me, a mixture of shame, embarrassment, and determination. This was my third try at this, but I was determined not to chicken out this time, so, choking everything back down I pulled the sign from my bag and turned to face the cars coming up to the stop sign so I could show them the story of my life, condensed down to some scribbles from a Sharpie which read, 'Traumatic Brain Injury' in large lettering, with a smaller, 'Please Help' below. I'd never felt so alone as I did in that spot light that day at Walmart, that my life had led me to this point, here with a sign begging for money from strangers to get things I needed. It seemed like I couldn't even breathe with my phone service cut off, as I still felt sure that my son would call me at any minute to see how I was, and knowing that life line was severed was unbearable. 

 A grey van with a logo pulled up to the stop sign and I heard one of the doors open, then close, so I turned around to see someone jogging up to me, holding out his hand with a twenty dollar bill pinched in his fingers, "Here you go, brother. Take care of yourself, my man, "then back to the van and was gone. 

I broke. Just like that. I broke.

Hello.
Has anyone had experience with Creatine supplementation contributing to a breakthrough seizure in situations where their seizures were relatively under control with medication?
I am a 53 year old female and I have had only a few incidences of seizures in the last 8 years.
The source of my seizure activity was from an OPERABLE cavernous malformation. They removed it successfully but some extra activity remains present due to previous seizures and the surgery itself.
My first ever seizure (pre-surgery) I woke up from a nap and was trying to get ready to leave the house for my nieces kindergarten graduation. To my horror, I realized I was unable to speak. I was with my mother and in the car and trying to say anything and she realized something was wrong. She brought me to the ER and as soon as we walked in, I had my first tonic clonic seizure. That’s when they found out about the cavernoma.
Since the first seizure episode I take Keppra and things have been pretty good although I have experienced two more definite episodes of tonic clonic seizures since the first one.
Every time I have had a seizure it has been in the presence of my mom. My poor mom!
The first breakthrough seizure occurred about a year after surgery when I STUPIDLY thought I could try to wean off of the Keppra. That was a bad idea. Without warning, I seized. Obviously I should not have tried to stop the medication.
The second breakthrough seizure was a couple of years later and occurred at the end of a very hot day. I had been commuting by bicycle and had another tonic clonic. This one was proceeded by a very bad mood in the early evening. I was extremely irritated for no reason and later that evening seized.
Every time I have had a seizure it has been tonic clonic and I have woken up in the hospital.
I live alone most of the year and am a bit of a hermit which is totally fine most of the time as I am relatively seizure free… HOWEVER…
In the last couple of months I have started weight lifting to build muscle and with that, I also started taking Creatine (5g) per day. Everything was going well until last week.
I was at the gym doing very high intensity sprint work on a spin bike. It was a hot day. I left the gym and drove to the grocery store (one minute from gym). Upon checking out, I kept entering my debit code incorrectly I felt confused and a bit embarrassed. I paid in cash and went to the next grocery (where I live there are two groceries and you need to go to both to find everything). I had same problem with debit card at second grocery and this time, no ability to figure out how to pay in cash so I left. When I got back to my car I was met with more confusion. All I can remember is not being able to get into my car. My car has an alarm and a fob. Even once I was in my car I had trouble figuring out how to turn it on. I then woke up in my car (HOT CAR!) and was able to turn it on and drive to the post office. Even though I was feeling horrible and confused it did not occur to me that I could be near having a seizure. After checking my P.O. Box I made it home, out of my car into the gate and even managed to mumble something about the heat to my neighbor in passing.
I made it inside and the next thing I know I am on the floor. I had hit my nose, had a scrape on my cheek, forehead, nose, right knuckle and left toe. Also slightly bitten tongue. I had a horrible headache and nausea. I just got in bed and went to sleep.
When I woke up, my left hand felt paralyzed (clenched shut). My mind felt scrambled. My vision on the right felt very distorted. I was extremely hungry and thirsty and even though I had all of these challenges I opted for a snack that was not the easiest to make nor was it the tastiest.
For some reason I ate the snack with my paralyzed hand and went back to sleep. I woke up absolutely drenched in sweat. I took a shower and hydrated and took my evening dose of Keppra. My mind was starting to return to normal.
I was thinking nonstop about how to get in my car. I went up to see if I could open it and it was fine. I tried playing some of the word games that I play and felt scrambled at first but was able to get back to normal. I practiced talking. Words were jumbled at first and then I was able to speak normally.
I looked up a recipe for homemade electrolyte drink, made some and chugged it down.
I took it very easy for a few days and lucky I work from home… I have been able to just chill and obsess over whether I had a breakthrough seizure or whether I may have just had heat exhaustion. A week later and I am feeling myself again though I have been very tired in the morning and allowing myself extra sleep.
I am away from home for a couple of weeks. I do have my yearly check up with my neurologist coming up. I really don’t want to tell her about this.
If this was a seizure, this is the first time I have been alone. I hope it was not a seizure. If it was, I am not sure. Also, if it was, my episodes are years apart and they seem to be triggered by extreme heat and exercise. My only thing that is making me feel better mentally is that if I did have a seizure alone, I survived.
I also just joined Bumble because think it might be worth having a mate because of things like this. And not just because of this. I do feel lonely sometimes.
But back to my big question…
Has anyone had experience with Creatine contributing to breakthrough seizures?
Thank-you for any input and please try to refrain from saying anything that might freak me out as I am already quite unnerved.
Xoxo

Throwaway account-
I’ve been struggling with my mental health as long as I can remember- I shut everyone out for years and went into a hibernation, telling myself I’d start living once I was out of my parents house.
I saved up money- and once out, I began to live. Yet there was such a struggle adapting to so many people and things. I let go of my coping mechanisms of sleeping and tv shows in favor of hanging out with people.
It’s been brutal. I’ve been in more pain than ever, I’ve been getting stabbed in the front by people I loved, the labor of doing what I love is exhausting.
In comes in who we’ll call H. When I first met H, I remember so specifically thinking “I’d never be friends with them. He looks so scary.”
Cut to a year later- and he’s seen my lowest lows- the volatile changes in moods and beliefs, the sobbing, telling him I’m evil and he needs to get away, trying to isolate myself, SH-
And every time. He has just been so patient and kind. When I told him I was evil and that I’m cruel to him he replied, “is there anything I can do to help you?”
When he saw how I’ve absolutely left my arms ridden with wounds from picking at them despite attempts to stop he just held me and comforted me as I cried. “You don’t need to talk about it. Just know there’s people who love you and don’t want to see you hurt yourself.”
I learn each and every day- over and over and over- such a bittersweet lesson. That I can’t control who loves me. His love is truly unconditional. He wants nothing in return. After a meltdown where I shut him out, he brings me some food he made. He constantly checks in and asks to hang out-
A majority of the time I’m so bubbly and the perfect adventure buddy- but my lows are rough- even with the medication, but he treats it so well. I’m just so happy I can have someone in my life. There’s nothing I can offer him physically or materially that he wants. All he wants is just to see me happy with a smile in return.
I didn’t believe in unconditional love before him, and I’m doing my best to get better so I can be a better friend. I’m eating better, I’m more physically active, I’m starting therapy.
He has continued to teach me that mistakes are truly okay- that I can be loved despite flaws- and that I /deserve/ it- that I shouldn’t just hide away in hopes that “better” people take my place.
I hope everyone reading this can find this person for themselves. I don’t know how different I’d be without him, but it’d be for the worse.

For those who are critical of Israel's actions since October 7th:

What would have been an appropriate Israeli response to the attacks?
I don't see many good options for Israel. It seems to me that if you are attacked, you need to fight back for deterrence and to stop attacks from reoccurring - as such, it makes sense to go after Hamas. And in a dense urban environment where terrorists live and operate amidst civilian populations, it seems an unfortunate reality that civilians will be collateral damage, but that's the case for any war.
Is there actually a way Israel could fight Hamas in such an environment without there being civilians killed as collateral damage? Should Israel just not respond militarily because of this?
I hear people say "ceasefire" but Hamas has said it will run the Oct 7 playbook over and over - so that seems like a one sided ceasefire.
I hear protesters talking about "free Palestine," saying it's an open air prison. In practice, what are you advocating if you had a magic wand? It seems to me that the wall, the blockade, proactive operations where you attack plotters, security control, etc are necessary to mitigate the harm Hamas causes, even if it has a human impact on the population. What is the alternative? If Israel were to let up on that and allow free movement into Israel, a right of return, etc, it seems obvious that the next day there would be significant violence against the Israeli population, as evidenced by October 7th.
When you say "From the River to the Sea" what are you advocating? I hear you appeal to international law a lot, but under the UN, Israel has the right to the land between the 1967 borders (not the West Bank settlements, I'd grant). It seems obvious to me that if there were a full right of return and a merging of the populations, the Palestinians would outnumber the Jews, and because of these narratives of colonialism / displacement / etc and the animosity between the two groups that has built over decades, a democratic state with a muslim majority would vote to ethnically cleanse the Jewish population, let alone what would likely be widespread violence.
You can feel bad about 1948, but is the solution to ethnically cleanse 7 million jews from the region? Where will they go? "Go back to Europe" - why would that make sense for the jews of middle eastern ethnicity who were ethnically cleansed from Iraq, Iran, Syria, etc? Do you really think this is a humane and realistic outcome in 2024?
What's the statute of limitations on reversing territorial and sovereign claims? Are we going to relitigate the Vikings, the Arab conquests of Africa / Middle east, the crusades, all the land wars in Europe? Are you willing to give up control of your parent's home in NJ to native americans because of the sins of Custer, etc? If native americans bombed your town to achieve these ends, would you say "I guess we deserve it"? The land of Israel has changed hands a dozen+ times - why are the Palestinians the only group that's been in the region who deserve to have land claims reversed?
If Israel were to do nothing in response to the attacks, it would embolden Hamas to do it over and over again, as it's pledged to do.
What was Israel's alternative and what do you advocate them doing from here?

For those who are supportive of Israel's actions since October 7th:

How would you describe the strategy and plan being taken and how does it serve the government's stated goals?
Can we really say the operations have been narrowly focused on defeating Hamas? Why all the destruction of buildings and infrastructure, why restrict sufficient humanitarian aid? Does the civilian population really need to starve? All of that is in service of defeating Hamas?
When you see these stories and videos that seem bad for Israel, are all of them fake or propaganda? What is Israel's justification for what happened to Rajab Hind for example? Where is the evidence of a command center under Al Shifa? Why is Israel not publicly reprimanding soldiers who are posing in dresses of displaced Palestinians, spray painting "Nakba 2023" on walls, and generally abusing power needlessly and posting it to social media? I get Full Metal Jacket vibes from some of these videos. Why isn't the Israeli government more aggressive about punishing settlers who are out of control, attacking aid trucks, attacking people in west bank?
The US was in Iraq and Afghanistan for a few decades and wasn't able to beat an enemy engaging in guerilla warfare in dense urban environments. Some of Hamas is in Qatar. It seems unlikely to me that the objective of defeating Hamas militarily is possible with the current strategy. Are they going to occupy for decades? At what economic cost and human cost (civilians who are collateral damage, soldiers killed in combat)?
These reports on "where's Daddy," AI targeting, journalists killed, shutting down of press, etc don't sound great. I haven't dug into counterarguments closely, but it seems hard to believe there is not an element of truth in any of the stories.
Israel seems to be tone deaf to the PR impact of their actions, and doesn't understand that the war for public opinion is equally important as the military war. How do you explain the extreme statements from Vaturi, Smotrich, Gotliev, Ben Gvir? I consider these statements as harmful to Israel as a terrorist attack in its impact on weakening international support for Israel, which it is dependent on (particularly the US)
It also seems wrong for US actors to shut down Tik Tok, crack down on speech, or falsely accuse everyone of being antisemitic because they disagree with the actions of the Israel government (who isn't even popular in Israel). Maybe some are motivated by antisemitism but it's clear to me that one can disagree with the actions of Israel without the motivation being antisemitism. I find these accusations not only easily disprovable, but they are harmful in that they cheapen the impact of the charge.
It seems that the actions of the Israeli government might create more terrorists in the future, around the world.
What is the plan for the day after? Indefinite Israeli military occupation? How is the population going to live in that region after the war with the entire landscape flattened?

Trigger warning: mention of sexual assault
This is my first ever post to Reddit and I get most of my Reddit fix from YouTube so please be patient with me if I don’t understand all the lingo or rules, thank you.
Here’s some context: I am a transgender male. Boyfriend, who we will call H, is a cisgender male. We’ve been together just over 1 year and 2 months. We were roommates before we started dating, and friends with benefits long before I moved in, though we did fall off for about a year before I moved in too. H has only ever known me as trans, I have been out for about 3/4 years now.
Last night I went to bed mad and I didn’t want to. I was triggered shortly after dinner time when H lifted up my shirt on my backside in the shared living room we have with our roommate and his gf, almost exposing my chest which I do not bind while home. He then starts to try massaging my back until his hands starts inching closer to the front of me. I did not ask him to do this. I felt an immediate panic and told him to stop but it didn’t feel like enough to actually stop him so I said very yelling like: “the reason we never have sex is because you can’t help but cross my boundaries and I barely even want you to touch me anymore.”
I can understand how this felt really harsh on him as he quickly became quiet, wouldn’t look at me, and then left to his room. We do have separate rooms as we were roommates before, I now use my room as an office for my remote customer service job and his room as an actual bedroom.
I knew that if we talked immediately that I would probably lash out again, getting mad and yelling and he would shut down but maybe even get mad himself. But we know better that at least I need some time to cool off if we’re going to have a productive conversation as I do have big feelings very often that overwhelm me and I have anger issues as well. We’ve never had a big fight where both of us are trying to get a point across. I feel like I did before in my last big relationship where I’m the only one with all the big feelings and no one wants to listen to them. The point isn’t that I want a big fight, it’s that I know eventually I need to let it out but more calmly.
So when H came out of his room after I went to partake in the devils garden on the balcony, I was expecting to sit down and talk it out. Instead he asked me to make a copy of his license for work cause I have a scanneprinter, we hugged, apologized to each other but didn’t explain why we’re were apologizing, I went to make the copies and we went on like it was a normal night. I waited for a more appropriate moment to bring it up and every time I think it’s time to speak up, H has a favor to ask, he wants me to look at the TikTok’s and Reels he sent me, and then we’re going to bed. At that point, I am fully in my head about this interaction and relationship and I haven’t said a word to him since last night except he texted me this morning complaining about his new job.
I want to give a little context why I am scared to say anything further about being triggered and lashing out. About three months ago, H was very drunk (he is an alcoholic) and after I rambled on about something, H stopped me and said something to the effect of “No one’s listening to you.” He has apologized profusely about this but I have always had the impression that if you want someone to tell the truth, talk to a toddler or a drunk. I haven’t been able to get him saying that out of my head. I’ve been told some messed up stuff about me by others but this one…hurts. So when he doesn’t start a conversation, I don’t want to talk. He doesn’t like listening to me talk. He’s blamed his ADHD and said “I never know when you’re gonna stop and my brain won’t focus” but part of me knows that’s a crock of sh*t.
Maybe while writing this post I’m realizing that it’s not worth it, but I’d like to explain that his insistent “Stims” on me (smacking, tickling, scratching, finger tracing, scratching my head and pulling my hair, pimple popping on my back, etc) are what’s crossing my boundaries. I have had a rough time with touch ever since I was 14 and was sexually assaulted. The last time I was triggered like this, my bf of the time tried to hold me from behind but his hand placement freaked me out and I had an anxiety attack; sweating, crying and dry heaving type of anxiety attack. While H never initiated without asking for consent, I’ve always wondered why consent and “keep your hands to yourself” is only important for him when he’s using his genitals.
I have repeatedly tried to explain to H that I am uncomfortable with most touch, and his stims still happen. I’ve tried to be mindful that maybe he actually can’t control it, that his extreme OCD is making him (he was diagnosed as a kid, the beginning of the relationship I had to drive with him everywhere because he kept thinking he hit people while on the road, a great example of pure O) so I tried displacement where he stims on himself, asked him to stop repeatedly and making him work through what he can do instead of stimming on me, I have tried to gentle parent his issue and nothing works. I am beginning to resent him and I don’t want to resort to violence just because he’s backed me into a corner with this issue.
I know however that when we have heart to hearts about these types of issues, he listens and tries better (he stopped smacking my thigh and went to my butt, the frequency of stims have slowed down) but after a year, I feel worn down and don’t know how to get him to talk to me now as I know if I start the conversation he will either deflect or dismiss. What should I do?
TLDR: boyfriend has trouble keeping his hands to himself, triggered my SA issues, we never talked about it, I don’t think he cares to listen. What should I do?

For context I am 22F he is 23M. We moved in together and months into it, he cheated on me and I found out. He then got very mean and controlling. He tried to lock me in the house when I wanted to leave, he broke my car window, threw me on the couch, threw me on the the bed, pinned me against walls, yelled, threw things at me, threw a drink in my face, called me names, told me no one cared about me .. the list goes on!! Then he started stalking me and found out where I moved to so I had to get a restraining order..
In court I was asked if I wanted to send him to family violence counseling and I said yes. Keep in mind that his family was in court with him, and I was alone. They laughed behind me. He's probably been telling them "well I never hit her.." He didn't yet, but we were inching close. I even have a recording of him saying he wanted to punch me in the face. After they laughed the judge asks why and I just word jumbled with my answer saying he won't stop following me. The judge says that's what the RO is for, and go speak to a DV advocate then come back with ur decision. I come back and I reallly want to say yes with reasons but instead I freeze up say I would rather he just leave me alone. I feel so dumb. I had everything I needed ready to present if they asked. Why didn't I show them all the evidence of what he had done? Why didn't I show them the screenshots of all the nasty words he wrote to me himself about how he "blacked out" and didn't mean to hurt me? This will happen to another girl. No one in his family holds him accountable and they are all women (get a load of that huh?) I feel like because I didn't say anything he's probably convinced them he never did anything wrong and I did this out of spite. I should have spoken up for myself and proved that he needed help. I think about this every day and it's just eating me up inside that I didn't defend myself when it mattered the most. I hate that I let this person have so much power over me, and I didn't take it back. I still feel like he needed to go to that counseling. Does anyone else feel like even after getting out you did not get the justice you deserved? OR they didn't get any punishment for what they had done? I just want to move on with my life. To this day I sleep with my keys in my bed because I remember all the times he took them from me. And he probably does not even think about what he's done.

[Part 1]
Day 3
I woke the next morning from the sunshine in my eyes. My head was resting ever so slightly on Eli's arm as we had both fallen asleep on my bed after I begged him to stay. I blanched in horror at the drool stain I had left on the arm of his white t-shirt.
I began to slowly move myself and retreat downstairs as the memories of the night before came flooding back. How I had broken, screaming in terror, and how Eli had saved me, not knowing the true reason he found me curled up on the floor crying.
As I stepped off the bed, my leg got snagged in the frilly bed cover, and I went crashing to the ground, making quite the noise as I landed. With a yawn, Eli's eyes opened, and I felt myself blushing as he turned to look at me.
We both kind of stared at each other for a moment, not speaking. Eli opened his mouth, then closed it again as if unsure of what to say.
"Coffee?" I asked quickly, filling the awkwardness of our situation.
"Please," Eli said, smiling.
In minutes, I had a pot brewing as I leaned against the kitchen counter. Eli was picking up the scattered photographs from the floor and looking at them quizzically.
"Why do you have pictures of the Harmons?" Eli asked, showing me the photos of the yellow-haired man and his family.
"Is that their names? I found them out in the barn under a blanket," I answered as I rooted around the cupboards for two mugs.
"In the barn? I cleaned it out just last week. No way I would have missed this trunk," Eli said while examining the wooden trunk with its simple rustic hinges. It was plain and unadorned with any embellishments. Basic as basic could be.
"Well, you must have missed it because it was there," I said, putting emphasis on the "was" in a way that reminded me of my mother chastising my father.
"That's so weird," he said, shifting through the photos while sitting at the table. I brought him a cup of coffee and sugar, and he began absentmindedly adding a lot of sugar to his coffee. About six scoops later, he began stirring and sipping it.
"Well, anyways, thanks for coming last night. I wasn't myself, I hope you know that I'm not some damsel in distress," I said quickly, like word vomit, and I even chuckled at the end, feeling like a total weirdo.
"What happened anyway? You didn't say last night," he said, putting the photos down in a jumble on the table.
I paused for a moment, considering how to answer. As I sipped my coffee, I stared out into the yard beside the barn where the scarecrow stood, glancing around the edge of the barn, hanging limply in his hole. His appearance once again sad and dejected instead of murderous and terrifying.
"I was just scared, I had a nightmare, and it just scared me," I said dumbly, trying not to turn crimson again under his intense gaze.
His eyes seemed to cut right through my lie, as if he were staring directly into my being before he simply glanced away out the window. We fell silent again, and I filled some moments by sipping my drink. It seemed to revitalize me; the sun and the company made me feel secure.
"Why were you here anyways?" I asked after a moment.
"I heard screaming, so I came running. I live just on the other side of the grass there, behind the barn," Eli said, pointing to the barn out the window.
"Must be really close, I didn't see any houses on the way in," I said, prying deeper into the situation.
"It's actually a trailer, maybe like two hundred yards from here. I was outside getting some air when I heard you scream. So, I came running," Eli said, finishing his cup of coffee and placing it in between us like a barrier, as if he was hiding something.
"Could you, uh, not do that?" Eli asked, with an uncertain grin on his face.
"What am I doing exactly?" I asked, startled for a moment, my stomach doing a sort of flip.
"It's just that you like stare at people. You've been staring at me for like my whole cup of coffee, I don't think you blinked the whole time," Eli said, averting his eyes shyly.
"No, I don't," I said until I realized he was right. I never noticed that about myself.
"Right, well, I've got to go. I am probably going to start painting today, so you might see me in a bit," Eli said, rising and heading to the door.
"Wait," I said, grabbing his arm for only a moment before releasing it like it was scalding hot.
Eli glanced at my hand for a moment, then at his arm, before he, too, blushed crimson.
"I just wanted to say thank you again. For last night, I mean. Well, what I mean is I appreciate it," I said, my eyes downcast in, for some reason, shame. Like he had seen me at my weakest and it weighed on my gaze appropriately.
"It was nothing, besides I didn't get much sleep with your constant snoring," Eli said, laughing at me.
"I so don't snore," I said, swatting at him but unable to control a smile creeping up onto my face.
After Eli left, I felt instantly colder, my eyes kept returning to the scarecrow. I grabbed my camera from upstairs and went out to the yard. I scanned the dirt for anything out of the ordinary. There was no blood, or anything on the dirt where the scarecrow stood just last night. I slowly made my way to the scarecrow, but nothing happened. I snapped a photo of the inanimate object, and it didn't even flinch. I poked it, but all I felt was straw underneath its clothes. I removed its mask, expecting a severed head, but it was just straw. Nothing was here but straw. I dropped the mask on the ground and took another photo proving it was just straw and nothing else.
An idea struck me as I regarded the source of my torment. If I planned to stay even one more night here, I needed to do something about this scarecrow. I rooted around in the barn, a series of tools hung from nails in the wall. On one hung what I was searching for. An old rusted shovel with a dirty wooden handle that was worn smooth from use.
I returned to the side of the barn beside the scarecrow, knowing for whatever reason this thing only came when night fell and didn't react at all when I moved or touched it during the day.
Before my morning coffee had even settled, I began to dig at the dusty earth, loose and easy to dig, it came away in shovelfuls. Within an hour, I had a fair-sized hole in front of me. Sweat dripped from my brow, and when I wiped under my eyes, they came away black from last night's makeup. Glancing at the field of grass and knowing Eli could appear at any time, I decided to head inside and shower. The hot water was a godsend, and I lingered for longer, letting the water drain down my head and back, my eyes closed, trying to forget the images from the last two nights. I should just pack up my car and leave right this minute. But how could I explain this to my family? I decided to go through with my plan and bury the scarecrow. I could last one more night if I prepared for it.
I left the shower and dressed modestly, in another one of my old rock t-shirts and a pair of shorts. I returned to the yard and with a satisfying push, I dropped the scarecrow into the pit. It fell with a nice thud, and I smiled at my power over it in the day; it's just at night when I should fear it.
As I threw the first shovel of dirt back on top, I heard a noise in the grass, and it parted, revealing Eli wearing the same pair of jeans and work boots, but he had changed his shirt to a plain black one. In each hand, he held cans of paint and a brush.
"Should I even ask why you are burying that old scarecrow?" He asked as he came to stand beside me.
"Probably best if you didn't," I admitted, leaning on the shovel.
"Well, I'm going to anyway. Polly, why are you burying that old scarecrow?" He asked, a rare smile coming to his face.
"Because it's been haunting me at night," I said bluntly.
"Mhm, yeah, okay. Fine, don't tell me. I've been meaning to get rid of it anyway, but normal people take things to the landfill," Eli said with a smirk as he turned to the house and began setting up for his painting.
I finished burying the scarecrow and stomped the dirt down flat. I finished my job by moving my car and parking it directly over top of the spot where I buried it.
Eli watched me curiously but didn't remark. I returned the shovel to the barn and went out into the yard. I decided to go for a hike around the property. I needed some time alone to think and unwind.
As I made my way through the grass, it began to confuse me. This had obviously been a large farmland, but how had the wild plants grown in such a thick, endless maze of greenery?
It gave me an eerie feeling, like I was being watched as the grass covered three-quarters of my body, like there would be something lurking out in the grass, crouched low, waiting for me.
After a half-hour or so, I came upon a clear lake, only big enough to be considered an old swimming hole, I thought as I dipped my hand into the cool water.
I took off my outer clothes and decided to go for a swim. I lowered myself in slowly and reveled at the cool water. The pond wasn't deep, but the water was clean. A small rope swing had been hung from a large oak tree that bordered the pond. It also provided a nice layer of shade that made it the ideal spot to spend the day. I floated on my back in the water for what seemed like hours. The day seemed to slip away from me. A small beach of sand sat at one side of the pond, so I lay out in the sun and closed my eyes. The warm day warmed my soul, and soon I felt myself drifting off into sleep.
I awoke to the sound of crickets and darkness. I couldn't believe it. I had slept through the day; the long nights had finally caught up to me, and now I was stuck far away from the farmhouse. I didn't know if my plan with the scarecrow had worked, and this wasn't the place to test my theory.
A full moon lay overhead, casting a silvery glow on the world before me. A sea of grass swayed gently in the wind, sending shivers down it in shuddering waves. I looked around, but I was thankfully alone, just the crickets chirping along melodically as my only companions.
I had to make it back to the house, so I started on my way, my hands trailing along the tall grass. The pale light played easily on the deep green grass. Step by step, I made my way back towards the farmhouse and the barn, throwing caution to the wind, and I started to jog along, anything to get back faster. I would have to find Eli; maybe if we were together, he could stop it like before.
If I thought the field was creepy during the day, by night, it was a whole new world. Every sound made my heart stop for a beat before restarting in protest. When all of a sudden, the crickets stopped chirping. I dropped to my knees, letting the long grass cover me from sight. Through the strands, I could make out a shape moving slowly through the tall grass, the swish of the plants as it made its passage through them. My heart dropped. Was this Eli looking for me, or was it the scarecrow come for me?
That's when I heard a voice, a voice cutting through the silence. It started off quiet and raspy as it sang an eerie children's song.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
I was frozen to the spot. It hadn't found me, but it knew I was in the grass somewhere. Now, with each word, chewed up and spat out like it was unhappy with it, now it was accompanied by the whistle of something in the air and a slicing sound as it cut through the grass around me.
It finished another round of its song, but now it stood within feet of me, its blade whistling as it cut. I took a moment to ready myself, and as it raised its blade to cut through the grass I hid in, I dashed out of my hiding spot and slammed into it. But nothing resisted me; I fell through it like it was a ghost.
In a tangle of limbs, I landed hard on the ground and tried quickly rolling to my feet. The blade of its weapon pierced the earth beside me. Now I could see it was a two-handed scythe the scarecrow carried, but something was off, its hands were human. Pale milky skin like a newborn baby. I had little time to examine the creature except for the canvas bag over its head. Two large black eyes came out of the slits that leaked a dark red blood like tears.
It screeched loudly and swung its scythe, but it was slow, and I took off through the grass in the direction of what I hoped was the farmhouse.
I completely gave up all pretense of hiding and sprinted as fast as I could without looking back. The grass seemed to part for me as I ran in terror. I was just glad that in high school, I had taken track as it was paying off now.
I could hear the noise of footsteps behind me, but I never turned. I ran and ran until my lungs felt like they were going to burst Something silver flashed to my left, and I tripped over something hard and unexpected. The wind was driven from my lungs as my chin slammed hard into the earth. I scrambled back, trying to escape, but the scarecrow was on me, its blade flashing angrily in the pale moonlight.
I wanted to move, I wanted to fight, but my body was weak and unable to catch its breath, and I lay there helpless as it swung its scythe towards me. I closed my eyes in fear, but I only heard the thud of dirt before I opened my eyes. The scythe was discarded, and the scarecrow stood staring at me.
It seemed to be struggling with something, one hand reached out towards me only to be snapped back to its side. A roar of rage pierced the canvas sack over its head as it struggled against its invisible bonds. For a moment, I thought I saw something behind it, three sets of hands holding it back. One feminine in nature, and the other two must have belonged to children. In a flash, I saw a beautiful woman who looked vaguely familiar with her long brown hair and plain dress.
"Run," she moaned as the scarecrow swung around wildly.
I didn't hesitate and fled, my breath had returned, and while my body still ached from my fall, I powered on, knowing this was the only respite I would receive tonight.
In the distance, I could see a small sheet metal shape; Eli's trailer was slowly coming closer as I ran, and I beelined it for the trailer. I could hear the footsteps behind me again as the scarecrow resumed its chase after me.
I reached the old trailer and banged on the door as loud as I could; I rattled the handle, but it was locked.
"Eli, it's me. It's Polly, please let me in. Please," I begged as I banged over and over again on the door of his trailer.
Nothing responded to me, and the trailer was dark. The single window in the back held no life inside the trailer. From the trailer, I couldn't tell which direction the farmhouse was in the dark, so I fled into the tall grass and crouched low, watching the clearing around the trailer.
While I caught my breath, I watched the scarecrow enter the clearing, its scythe back in its hand as it circled the trailer. When its raspy voice began singing again low and quiet, only loud enough for me to hear.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The song made me shiver uncontrollably at the lyrics and the voice; it sounded demented like a crazy person letting their demons out into a nursery rhyme.
I lay perfectly still; for some reason, it couldn't find me. This creature I assumed was all-knowing seemed to have some very human weaknesses. It moved and talked like a human, even had certain body parts that were from a human; it even felt human the way it chased and reacted.
The scarecrow moved on through the tall grass, and I let out a sigh of relief as it lost my trail. How terrifying that beast was. In my pocket was the keys to my car. Eli had told me that the farmhouse was fairly close to his trailer. I had to navigate to the car, then drive as fast as I can away from this place. The fact that I hadn't left already because I was worried about money was insane. Who cares, I could drive to Barb's and demand my money back. Go home and just tell my parents the truth. The whole reason for actually leaving home this summer, why I was actually here in this field shivering uncontrollably in fear. But I couldn't think about that now, not now, there will be time to deal with that later. Now I needed to focus on staying alive, getting to the car, and getting out of here.
I went in the direction the scarecrow had; he knew the land better than I did, and every noise I made in the silence of the night made my heart drop. It took all my courage there and then to take one step forward, then another. I felt like I was going to be sick; my stomach was in knots to where it felt like even if I was sick, the only thing to come out would be only bile and stomach acid.
With each careful step, I made my way closer to the farmhouse and the scarecrow. Through the darkness, I could see my goal, the farmhouse, and the barn. Within minutes, I had made it securely to the farmhouse yard.
My car still sat in the same spot overtop of the hole where I buried the scarecrow. In the moonlight, I could see that the dirt had not been disturbed.
The scarecrow was nowhere to be seen, and I cautiously made my way to my car, my keys in my hand as I approached the driver's door. I hadn't locked the car, and it opened on the first try. I turned on my car as quietly as I could, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
Something landed heavily on top of the roof of my car, making it dent inwards slightly. With horror, I saw the scarecrow swing its scythe into the back window of my car. With a crash, the glass shattered inwards; I put my car into gear and roared away down the lane. In my rearview mirror, I couldn't see anything, so I swerved back and forth, trying to shake the creature from the roof of my car when the scythe crashed in through the front window, making a hole just large enough for it.
The glass spidered, and I couldn't see out the window very well. I swerved down the road, but the scythe remained in the car, allowing the creature purchase. In a panic, I spun my wheel wildly, trying to dislodge it, but I lost control, and soon felt something crash into the front of my car. The airbag went off in my face, and I hadn't been wearing my seatbelt. I slammed hard into something else, and my vision went dark. I was in a daze; I must have passed out because I don't remember a lot of what happened next. I felt the car door open with a crunching tear, and it landed loudly as it was torn off. My body being grabbed and tossed on the ground. I felt no pain, just a gentle numbness. I felt blood on my head as I raised my arm to touch my face.
Then just blackness, complete, and empty just feelings, fear, unease, sadness. My eyes opened, and the scarecrow was overtop of me. Pain on my chest and my vision went dark again. Coughing as something poured down my throat. I couldn't breathe, why couldn't I breathe?
My eyes opened one last time, and I saw the scarecrow pouring a dark liquid from its mouth directly into my mouth and eyes. My vision was red and bloody before I closed them one last time.
The words of its song echoed into the emptiness of my thoughts.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek?
The world it claims that I be not clean.
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see,
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The darkness enveloped me, and I felt myself slipping away, the sounds of the night fading into oblivion.
Day 4
When I awoke, it was morning, and I found myself lying in a hospital bed. My head throbbed with pain, and my body ached all over. The memories of the terrifying night flooded back to me, and I shuddered involuntarily.
A nurse entered the room, her kind eyes filled with concern. "You're awake," she said softly, her voice gentle like a soothing balm. "You're lucky to be alive. You were found unconscious by the side of the road next to your car. Do you remember what happened?"
I tried to speak, but my throat felt raw and dry. I croaked out a few words, barely audible. "The scarecrow... it attacked me..."
The nurse frowned, her brows furrowing in confusion. "Scarecrow? What scarecrow?"
My heart raced with panic as I realized the truth. Had it all been a nightmare? But the pain in my body felt too real, the memories too vivid to be mere hallucinations.
I tried to explain, to tell her about the terrifying creature that had pursued me through the night, but she only looked at me with concern, as if I were delusional.
"I'll get the doctor, and there is a young man who brought you in. He has been here all morning," the nurse said with a sly wink.
After a few minutes, she came back with Eli and a doctor, both of whom smiled gently at me through the window. The doctor came in first and went over my health with me. I had a concussion and bruises all over my body. A generous-sized cut from some glass on my scalp had been stitched and bandaged. My mind flashed back to the night before. How the scarecrow had filled me with its gooey red blood.
"Did you find anything else?" I asked cautiously, trying to avoid another scandal like with the nurse.
"No, as long as you have someone to pick you up and take you home, you are free to go. That nice young man out there said he would take you back home," the doctor said, pointing to Eli as he rose with a slight grunt.
I glanced at Eli, and he waved uncertainly at me. The doctor went out and began talking to Eli for a few minutes.
While I waited, my mind began to have strange thoughts. Something was wrong; I felt weird. My vision turned red, and I began to see images before my eyes.
The Harmons. They flashed before my eyes in real-time—the husband hugging his wife, then swinging his kids around, chopping wood outback next to the barn while his wife cooked in the kitchen.
As Eli entered the room, the visions stopped suddenly. Like my saving angel for the third time now, I was extremely grateful to Eli.
"Heyyyyy," Eli said, elongating the word in a sort of familiar yet awkward way.
"Hi," I said, closing my eyes and letting my embarrassment pass in only a few seconds.
"Why is it that fifty percent of the times we meet, you're in serious trouble?" Eli asked, coming to sit on the edge of my bed.
"Oh, you know me, bad luck, I guess," I said simply, becoming aware that under my blankets, I was in a backless hospital gown, and he was inches away from me.
I pulled the blanket up to my chin as a sort of cover for my appearance, but Eli didn't seem to notice. He continued talking to me. It was actually really sweet the way he seemed to care for me.
"Anyways, the doctor said I could take you back to the farmhouse to rest," Eli said.
"No," I said suddenly, becoming serious.
"What? Why not?" Eli asked.
"I just, I just can't right now. I'll tell you later. Just, we can't spend the night anywhere near the farm," I said, grabbing him by the arm, hoping to sway him.
"Well, I mean, if you want, we can grab your stuff, and my house can literally go anywhere," Eli said in an offhand manner, as if he had expected this.
"Promise?" I asked, trying not to seem too afraid.
Within the hour, we had returned to the farmhouse. The hole I dug was still covered over, and I stared at it as we parked in Eli's black pickup truck.
I ran inside and quickly got changed into my only clean clothes, grabbing everything I had from the farmhouse. I paused at the dinner table, looking down at the photographs of the Harmons and thinking back to that weird moment in the hospital with that odd vision.
The day was getting longer, and I hurried back to Eli, waiting in the pickup truck. I threw my bag in the back and climbed in beside him. He smiled and backtracked down the lane. We turned to the left and went down a side road where we came upon my poor old car. It had crashed directly into a tree, and the whole front part of the car had been destroyed. Fluid leaked all over the road, and I almost shed a tear for my departed friend. We had traveled far together. I grabbed a few things from the car, but something was off about the car. The front door had been knocked off and was discarded on the far side of the road. It looked impossible; the door hadn't even hit the tree.
Eli hooked his truck up to his trailer, and we sped off, leaving the property behind us. We headed into town and found a pullout on the side of the road with a set of bathrooms to camp at for the night. Eli's trailer was messy but cozy. He had laundry strewn over most surfaces, but it didn't smell bad.
The room consisted of a small kitchen with a bed in one corner. There were also a lot of posters and artwork on the walls. I examined one of a pretty girl with long raven-black hair. It was a realist painting, obviously taken from real life.
"Who is this?" I asked as Eli made us some food.
"That is just a friend," Eli said, glancing at the painting he had done.
"Well, she is a pretty friend," I said, enjoying watching the back of his ears turn bright red.
"Dinner's ready," he said, pouring the mixture of food he had made onto a pair of plates.
Eli served me and handed me a can of Coke to drink. I thanked him and sat on his bed. It was the only serviceable piece of furniture in the whole trailer. We both sat in silence for a moment while we ate. I could tell something was bothering Eli as he kept making glances toward me.
"What? What is it, Eli? Just say it," I said between bites.
"Tell me what happened, Polly. Tell me why you were burying the scarecrow, why you were passed out in the road with straw in your hair. Tell me why you were muttering about the Harmons and a scarecrow when I found you," Eli said suddenly, as if he were unloading a machine gun.
I looked Eli square in the face and relented. I told him about the last couple of nights at the farmhouse, about how the scarecrow had been tormenting me every night. About how he had saved me and how last night I had fled through the fields to his trailer and then to my car. I told him about the vision I had about the Harmons in the hospital. By the end of it, I was in tears. I felt so foolish and childish.
Eli took it in stride. He asked a few questions during my retelling, but by the end of it, he was silent. Tears fell down my face and landed in my lap. We had both put our plates on the counter, and Eli hugged me. He put his arms around me, and I nuzzled into his shoulder, feeling comforted again in him at the lowest points of my life.
With a gentle hand, he wiped away my tears, and I smiled, letting a nervous laugh escape my lips. I looked up into his face and felt his stare before I saw it. His pale blue eyes shone with comfort, and then his lips were on mine as he kissed me quickly before pulling away slightly.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. That was insensitive of me. You're sad, and I took advantage of that," Eli said, moving back slightly.
"Shut up," I said, and grabbed his shirt, bringing him back in.

As the title says, I (26f) am struggling to understand why my body is acting this way. I am not currently on birth control, I regularly go to the gym about 4 days a week most weeks, some weeks only 3 and work at a job that has me on my feet for around 12 hours a shift 2 nights a week. I drink almost exclusively water with exception to my pre workout, lactose free protein shakes, and occasionally a sugar free redbull. I’ve noticed that on my period Im almost never bloated even though I typically eat significantly more, and have a lot of sweet cravings (typically satiated with halotop ice cream mixed with my protein shake for a little milkshake)
The first week after my period is typically the worst for my bloating, but I still notice a lot of bloat during the rest of the month as well. I eat a fairly balanced diet, and track my calories and macros but I do not take any supplements. If anyone has any suggestions on how to combat this or why this may be happening please let me know.

Throw away because this is embarrassing.
As the title says, I just don't enjoy being a mom anymore. My life is super freaking stressful with work, and I have depression & anxiety that I manage to the best of my abilities, but it's severe and sometimes meds just don't help.
I have 1 child in elementary school. Parenting has always been hard for me, but I have split custody and we co-parent quite well. My child was not intentional but we went with it anyway and then split (never married) soon after birth, while I was dealing with PPD & PPA.
Now, I just don't enjoy this. SO much of my very little time goes towards my child. I love them, don't get me wrong, and I try my hardest to make sure they have a good life. I work my ass off doing a job I hate so that I can provide better than my parents did.
Lately though, I'm just not handling it. The littlest frustrations pop up and I just want to cry. I know my parents did a horrible job of helping me navigate emotions and for years I've tried to do it the best I can with my kid but holy crap lately I can't deal. I don't want to do this anymore, and even that makes me want to cry because I know I couldn't bare to not have them in my life anymore, I don't want to fail at being a parent for the sake of my child. I sacrificed so much of my life and my mental well-being to ensure that I did not loose custody and here I am, 5 years later, wanting to scream.
Writing this out has made me think that this is how I'm feeling about life in general, not just parenting, but I don't know how to manage this all and make sure it doesn't boil over onto my kid. It 100% is absolutely boiling over onto them because I yell and then regret it, hide in my bathroom when things get too much, and regret that, use alcohol to make myself stop thinking about all the anxiety and sadness, and then regret drinking while they're still awake.
I'm actively looking for another job because I know it's a major source of my stress but the job market is garbage and I've been looking for months now. In the meantime, how do I handle this? How do I stop hating every single interaction with my child and start being a functioning parent again? How do I prevent my stress and mental state from affecting and boiling over onto them?
ETA: Bio dad is bipolar, living with his parents, and his mom is a 2-pack a day smoker who also has severe bipolar disorder and is in and out of in-patient facilities 3+ times a year. Not exactly the ideal situation either. Also, I don't drink until I'm drunk and unable to function, nor do I drink daily. I am also engaged, and my fiancé helps with the kid where appropriate.

I’ve taken Slynd for about five months. I started spotting around month three, daily and it has not let up. It’s annoying enough to where I’d like to switch or quit the birth control to see if that can stop the issue. I stopped taking the pills as of Friday, but the spotting has not stopped (4 days). If anything, it’s become a bit heavier. I can’t tell if this is a period or a continuation of the Slynd effect.
How did it take for your BC symptoms to go away- particularly spotting- after stopping birth control?
Would love to hear you all’s experience with stopping??

First off, I just want to express how thankful I (32, F, USA) am to everyone who contributes to this subreddit. Reading your stories has helped me immensely in dealing with these issues and made me realize that I am not alone in dealing with this. I’m so happy I can finally say to this group — it gets better.
If you’ve seen any of my previous posts, BFS is/was not my sole diagnosis. I also have a condition called functional neurological disorder (FND) which essentially causes the brain to send incorrect signals to the rest of the body, causing a multitude of symptoms that can be very disabling. After being previously very healthy and fit, my symptoms started with weakness in the legs in early 2023 and progressed to bodywide weakness, widespread near-constant muscle twitching, cramps, and gait issues about six months after. At 9 months, I had a chronic cough, breathing difficulty, no voice, and frequently was choking on food. I was using a combination of a cane and wheelchair to get around because my legs always felt like jello and were hard to move.
After months of medical stress and hospitalizations, being treated for the wrong condition (MG), and being bounced between neurologists, I finally went to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville in December 2023, had my third and final EMG, and was given the dual DX, starting my road to recovery.
Since I visited Mayo, I have been doing absolutely everything in my power to manage these issues and not let them stop me from living my life. I still work full-time, take care of my child, and manage to run my household though I’ve had to make a few adjustments and beef up my support system. I also do PT, swimming, and take a multitude of supplements (B12, D, CoQ10, magnesium, lions mane, and GABA). I started taking 40 MG of cymbalta about 2 months ago which has led (in combination) to a huge improvement in symptoms.
I am still dealing with a lot of the same issues but overall I have gotten a great deal better - my voice/breathing/swallowing issues have almost resolved entirely. I'm told there’s no secret standard recipe but for me personally using GABA with SSNRI really helped my get over the initial hump. Once I was able to see that my symptoms were not in fact progressing and that I did not have a deadly incurable disease, things started to improve more quickly. I still use a cane to walk ~50% of the time and a wheelchair in certain situations where I anticipate an issue (i.e grocery stores or airports where there’s a lot of sensory input). When it’s quiet and my mind is at peace, I can even walk for about an hour at a time now (slowly and awkwardly).
Having some perspective now, I absolutely hated it (and still do!) when doctors would say, “it’s just anxiety” or some variation of the phrase. I do not consider myself an anxious person. I do not feel anxious and mentally I appear extremely cool, calm, and collected. It didn’t make sense and I assumed my doctors were just gaslighting me, which is in fact a very common experience for women. BUT — I’ve come to realize this is precisely the issue and it's way more than anxiety. My brain has somehow entered such a profound freeze response that I can barely blush without spiraling into a new physical symptom of maladaptive processing. Even being conscious of this, I can’t control it at all. I've come to realize that I am chronically, deeply, and malignantly overstimulated and stressed from ignoring and suppressing my own physical, emotional, and sensory needs for WAY too long and my entire nervous system is on a hair trigger.
I regret to inform you that I still twitch — it seems nothing can make this stop entirely. I just kind of don’t care as much— it doesn’t really distract me or cause me to worry— it’s just as annoying and weird as it’s always been. I also started having tremors and seizures at night recently which is really scary but benign and related to FND, per neurologist. I plan to start working with a psychiatrist to get a better handle on these issues and making some further lifestyle changes.
Wishing you twitchers all the best in your journey and recovery— I probably won’t post as much here as I’m trying to not over-focus on medical issues but just wanted to drop in and give you an update since many of you have reached out in DMs. Some advice — look for times when your symptoms are better and work with those moments to prove to yourself you can improve and that there is variability. Find a doctor that you trust and that takes you seriously, even if it takes 10 tries.. a lot of them mean well but are also kind of awful at communication. Have testing done if it puts your mind at ease but don't assume it is incorrect when it yields nothing. Stop googling. Take a walk in nature and hug your family.
It will be okay!!!

I'm 20 and a female, I've been vaping since I was 15. It started when I went to a new school and all the kids were smoking "puff bars" and I decided to try one. I started vaping every once in a while, then eventually stopped after a year or two. my brother had a vape he left in his room, so I decided to smoke it. I got a buzz from it since it was a strong vape. ever since then I started smoking a little bit more, but not enough that I can't live without it. I started to steal the vapes from him, and my other brother found out but he didn't say much about it. Then I started buying my own. my whole family then found out I smoked and that's when I started smoking way more. it's been a few years and now I can't live without it. I smoke back to back. everyday. I get angry when I don't have it and the feeling of just doing something with my hands and inhaling vape into my lungs is just controlling me. it got so bad that I started smoking cigarettes when I don't have a vape. how can I quit this nicotine addiction?

I've been on spiro for +6 months for my hairloss issues. I started it with birth control and had to stop birth control due to mood swings and depression it was causing me. After that I started to notice I'm getting my periods more often and now I get them twice or even three times a week Spiro didn't do much for my hair alone but a little after cutting bc pill, I started taking finasteride too and spiro + fin were finally working for me But now after only stooping spiro for 10 days my hair is falling out like crazy! I really don't know what to do. I don't wanna lose my hair and don't wanna stop spiro but I can't take birth control either

I was wondering if the start of IVF process was different for everyone. We’ve had 3 failed IUIs and so IVF is our next step. My RE has me starting on birth control for 3 weeks on the first day of my cycle and then 5 days after that, I come in for the baseline ultrasound and that night hopefully start stims (gonal-f and menopur) and then add cetrotide in the middle of stims.
Is this anyone’s protocol?

_______________________________________________
The Book of Harris-y
(Religion as it should be)
by Zachary Harris
(cc) (NC) (ND) by Zachary Harris
May be copied, distributed, or displayed, verbatim only. non-commercial, not derivative works nor remixes.
First edition May 2024
Chapter 1 - What's in a name
Chapter 2 - A bunch of rules
Chapter 3 - Secrete origins
Chapter 4 - The end
Chapter 5 - Everybody's favorite topic: SEX
Chapter 6 - The 2000 year war
Chapter 7 - Humans and gods
Chapter 8 - Parables
Chapter 9 - Feedback
Chapter
CHAPTER 1
What's in a name
Some religions are named after it's main prophet. Christianity is named after christ. Buddhism is named after Budda.
I, Zach Harris, dub this religion HARRISy.
Where is it written that a religion can't have a sense of humor?
HARRISy is not a spoof or sarcasm.
But any religion without a sense of humor, absolutely NEEDS to be ridiculed.
I was raised in christianity. So most of my criticism will be aimed at the Abrahamic religions.
I intend to build harrisy on logic and reason. Not the superstition, lies, and, threats that the Abrahamic religions are built on.
As an alternative for conscientious objectors caught in the religious wars (see chapter 6).
Deities are not really necessary for inspiration or religion. An all-powerful creator wouldn't need the help or adulation of puny mortals.
Only cults and human puppet masters need that. So we leave deities to their own devises. They ought to be up to it.
Harrisy is a religion about/for humans, as religions should be.
My leadership skills suck. So I will avoid leading, to avoid becoming a cult.
Chapter 2
A bunch of rules
Everybody hates rules. But let's establish what Harrisy stands for.
10 rules is a nice round number. But when the first four are about loyalty to the cult, You have to question who the rules are meant to benefit.
The christian 'commandments' only benefit the christian cult. The commandments don't even benefit their god.
A true all-powerful, immortal, creator god, would not need human worship or loyalty. The same as humans don't need the worship of ants.
We don't make rules for ants to follow. Just stay out of our way. The Abrahamic god treats us like ants. Either ignores or steps on us. It was his cults that made the 'commandments', not their god.
(more about that in chapter 7)
Harrisy has rules to live by, to benefit HUMANS:
A) Cause no harm.
B) Treat others the way you want to be treated.
Christianity calls this 'The Golden Rule' as if they invented it. But this was part of every culture and religion that humans ever created. (except Is-lame)
C) Do not kill. Do not kill humans.
Self preservation may override this, but killing is still a bad idea.
When killing animals for food, respect their sacrifice. Killing for sport is a bad idea.
D) People are not property.
Do not try to own others, in any sense.
You belong to yourself, do not give yourself away.
E) Do not steal.
You would not want to loose your stuff. (see B) Stealing harms others.
F) Do not lie. Avoid those who lie.
You would want to know the truth. To make better decisions. (see B)
G) Do not rape.
Do not force yourself on others. Your pleasures are not more important than other people's.
This applies to more than just sex. Do not force your religion on others. Do not force harrisy on others.
H) Do not shit wherever you please.
You don't want to slog through other people's shit.
(it's a metaphor.) Leave the world better than you found it.
I) Guard your privacy. Respect the privacy of others.
Beware of others who might use info against you. Or might unduly profit off you.
We have no rules about loyalty. We understand loyalties change. Just be honest (rule E)
We have no rule specifically about Adultery. Adultery might be considered loyalty, which changes.
Or adultery might be considered stealing, stealing affection. (rule D)
Chapter 3
Secrete origins
No one knows how/why it all began. Anyone who says they know, for certain, is lying.
The answer might as well be 42.
Most religions make it a crime to ask questions about their creation myths. This promotes ignorance. Helps the cult, not the people.
We understand the 'scientific method'. Scientists ask questions and are willing to test and adapt to new info.
So, for now, we trust scientific conclusions about the beginnings.
The current best theories from science:
The universe started from what they humorously call 'The Big Bang', about 13.8 Billion years ago.
Many are curious about what came before that. But we find that to be irrelevant to our everyday life.
Some religions say their god did it so they can claim payment/gratitude/worship for it. But we owe them nothing.
The earth was formed about 4.5 Billion years ago.
Humans evolved from other critters over many, many, many Generations (not years).
Some religions claim their god did it so they can claim payment/gratitude/worship for it.
We do not owe Harrisy or any religion for our existence.
Chapter 4
The end
How does it all end?
No one knows. Anyone who says they know, for certain, is lying.
Christinity predicts a bad acid trip. (See Revaluations) Any day now. So buy your ticket to heaven early.
It's an obvious con, You sacrifice this life you already have, for the promise of another life they can't prove.
Science predicts 'Entropy'. Every atom in the universe will drift away from every other till they can't react any more.
But humans will be dead or evolved into something we can't recognize, by then. Too distant, time-wise, to worry about.
Your personal end? What happens when you die?
Most probably nothing.
Seems like every religion has a different 'afterlife'. They can't all be right. (but they can all be wrong)
You can't pick the one you want. If an 'afterlife' exists it is what it is. WE can't control it. No cult can control it.
The cults are telling you what you want to hear. So you give your CURRENT LIFE to their cult. The life that is certain, in exchange for an empty promise.
No guarantees, No refunds, You won't get your old life back if they are wrong (or lying).
Pascal's gamble is a sucker bet. It never pays out.
Harrisy aims to make This Current Life better, worth living for it's own sake. We give priority to This Current Life over any theoretical 'afterlife'.
Chapter 5
Everybody's favorite topic: SEX
What's the point of Sexual Taboos?
Why would an IMORTAL (non-sexual, non-reproducing) being give a damn?
For example in the christian cult:
*Masturbation is sin,
*Spilling your seed outside the womb is sin,
*Marrying outside the church is sin,
*Divorce is sin,
*Birth Control is sin,
*Abortion is sin,
*Marriages without offspring are invalid.
*Brand (circumcise) your males, so your females know who they are allowed to mate with,
And in Is-lame, Women are just sexual slaves.
Taken as a whole,
The only purpose served by sexual taboos, is to help the CULT out-populate rival cults.
A REAL "creator god" wouldn't give a damn. Or Wouldn't need our cooperation. it would just create more of us, as needed.
A REAL creator wouldn't threaten us, it would just change us.
Sexual Taboos are serving a cult, not a god.
Harrisy has only one sexual taboo:
Rule G) Do not rape.
Do not force yourself on others. Your pleasures are not more important than other people's.
Chapter 6
The 2000 year war
The Abrahamic religions have been at war with each other for about 2000 years. Sometimes hot, sometimes cold.
But like some other religions, at all times attempting to be 'the one true religion'. And by their competition, doing more harm than good.
And the Abrahamic religions haven't even shown that the 'good' stuff needs their religion to get done.
They preach that it is somehow noble or their duty to spread their faith. ("Onward Christian Soldiers")
There are dangers associated with proselytism and/or evangelicalism:
(Please note - I had help with the following)
Focus on Conversion over Service:
Proselytism/evangelicalism prioritizes conversion goals over humanitarian or service-oriented activities.
This undermines the credibility and effectiveness of religious organizations engaged in charitable work,
as it is perceived as conditional or insincere.
Dogmatism and Exclusivity:
Evangelicalism/proselytism promotes a rigid, dogmatic interpretation of religious beliefs that excludes other perspectives.
This exclusivity leads to intolerance of differing viewpoints and hinders constructive dialogue and cooperation with people of other faiths or worldviews.
Coercion and Manipulation:
Proselytism/evangelicalism involves coercion, manipulation, or exploitation of vulnerable individuals,
such as offering material incentives or exploiting power differentials to induce conversion.
This raises ethical concerns about respect for autonomy and informed consent.
Political Activism:
Evangelicalism/proselytism has been associated with political movements that prioritize specific social or moral issues, leading to controversy and polarization.
this politicization blurs the lines between religion and politics, compromising the integrity of both.
Interfaith Tensions:
Proselytism/evangelicalism contributes to interfaith tensions and conflicts, especially when it is aggressive or disrespectful to members of other religious communities.
It will undermine efforts to foster mutual respect, understanding, and cooperation among different faith traditions.
Fragmentation of Communities:
Proselytism/evangelicalism leads to the fragmentation or division of communities, particularly in contexts where multiple religious groups coexist.
This creates social tensions and weaken social cohesion, especially when proselytism is conducted in a confrontational or divisive manner.
Proselytization and Missionary Work:
We are concerned about aggressive or coercive methods used in proselytization/evangelicalism efforts,
especially when targeting vulnerable populations or in multicultural contexts.
This leads to cultural imperialism or disrespect for the autonomy of individuals and communities.
Cultural Insensitivity:
Proselytism/evangelicalism disregards or disrespects the cultural and religious traditions of the target community.
This leads to cultural imperialism or colonialism, especially when proselytism/evangelicalism is conducted in contexts where there is a history of exploitation or marginalization.
Misrepresentation or Simplification of Beliefs:
Proselytism/evangelicalism involves oversimplification or misrepresentation of religious beliefs and practices in order to make them more appealing to potential converts.
This leads to misunderstandings or misconceptions about the beliefs and traditions of the proselytizing religion.
For these reasons we conscientious objectors to the religious war, need an uncompetitive religion like Harris-y.
But don't push it.
Chapter 7
Humans and gods
Why do human religions have gods that are all too human?
A creator of everything that needs humans to wright/publish a holy book?
An all powerful god who needs humans to promote him?
An all powerful god with a vindictive human sized ego?
An immortal who is obsessed with human reproduction?
An all powerful god who needs humans more than we need him?
Any actual god wouldn't need human religion.
Harrisy serves humans, not gods.
Chapter 8
Parables
Corn In A Cow Patty.
Finding truth in the Abrahamic holy books,
is like finding corn in a cow patty.
Sure there are some good kernels in there,
but is it really worth digging through the shit to find them?
You can find uncontaminated kernels of truth anywhere.
Chapter 9
Feedback
Feedback should be sent to: zachharris@mail2hell.com
Don't expect a timely reply.

After so many delays and setbacks with the Mino-Lok trial, they finally released the topline results.

The study met its primary endpoint with a statistically significant improvement in the time to failure event in patients receiving Mino-Lok compared to Control arm patients receiving clinician-directed anti-infective lock solution. The data demonstrate that Mino-Lok is well-tolerated.

Topline Data

A total of 241 patients across the US and India. They did not break down how many came from the US and how many from India. Of the 241, 119 were in the Mino-Lok group and 122 were in the ALT group.
PRIMARY ENDPOINT
The primary endpoint was a comparison of the time until catheter failure between the Mino-Lok and ALT groups. Failure events in patients receiving Mino-Lok occurred substantially later than in patients in the Control arm (p value = 0.0006). In other words, treatment with Mino-Lok resulted in a longer time until a catheter failure event. A p-value less than 0.01 is considered very statistically significant.
ALT Group:

• 122 patients.
• MTF was 33 days. 61 catheters had a fail event before Day 33, 61 had a fail event after Day 33.
• 95% Confidence Interval was 14-40. Since this trial is just a random sample, the 95% CI provides a range of values that is likely to include the true population value. In other words, if they were to run this trial again, they would have 95% confidence that the MTF for ALTs would fall between 14 and 40 days.

Mino-Lok Group:

• 119 patients
• MTF was not determinable, because it exceeded the time patients were on trial (6 weeks)
• 95% CI was 50 - NE (not estimable). If they were to run this trial again, they would have 95% confidence that the MTF for Mino-Lok would be above 50 days.

SECONDARY ENDPOINT
The most critical secondary endpoint was proportion of patients at six weeks with overall treatment success. Overall treatment success is defined as a patient at 6 weeks who did not have catheter failure, demonstrated clinical cure, and demonstrated microbiological eradication.

• Overall treatment success was 57.1% for Mino-Lok (68 patients) and 37.7% for ALT (46 patients).
• P-value 0.0025

SAFETY
No serious adverse events (SAEs) were drug-related

• 45.1% of patients with an SAE for Mino-Lok
• 46.1% of patients with an SAE for ALT
• No mention of any patient deaths in the trial, for ether group

PERSONAL ANALYSIS
This looks really good imo. Mino-Lok having a longer MTF than ALT was established with statistical significance. Lower bound of Mino-Lok's 95% CI at 50 days suggest very few events happened in the Mino-Lok group. Looks like most events occurred in the ALT group.
However that begs the question, why did they extend the trial for so long after hitting 92 events? Based on these numbers, they probably could have saved 4-5 months of expenses and stopped the trial at 92 events with similar results. But that's just an assumption on my part, given the very limited nature of the topline release.
One thing that didn't exactly get fleshed out is the 57.1% on the secondary endpoint for overall success. While it was still statistically significant over ALTs (p=.0025), that is far below the 100% that they achieved during the Phase 2b.
Overall though, the primary and secondary endpoints were hit with strong statistical significance. Can't ask for much more than that.

Next Steps

Topline data is just the first step for eventual approval. This is a process and they are dealing with a bureaucratic government entity, the FDA. Realistically, we are looking at approval sometime in 2025. As long as they get the priority review, the PDUFA date will be approximately 8 months after the NDA submission. As of now, there is no timeline from the company for the NDA submission.

"We look forward to engaging with the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to determine the optimal path forward for Mino-Lok. Our focus remains on improving outcomes for patients and offering a much-needed alternative to the current practice of catheter removal and replacement," added Mazur.

PRE-NDA MEETING
The next step is most likely a pre-NDA meeting with the FDA. They'll go over the topline and the requirements for the NDA filing. Since Mino-Lok has a QIDP designation, the pre-NDA is where the FDA will also confirm whether the company can make a rolling NDA submission, which allows them to submit sections of the NDA as it is completed. .
Per the FDA's Industry Guidance, a pre-NDA is considered a Type B meeting. Type B meetings are scheduled 60 days after they are requested. If CTXR requests a pre-NDA after the topline data, then the earliest they could hold that meeting would be in July.
For reference, the E7777 topline data was released in Apr 2022. The company announced a successful pre-BLA meeting in July 2022.
NDA SUBMISSION AND PDUFA DATE
The NDA submission is what will start the clock. I assume the NDA will be submitted a few months after they hold a pre-NDA meeting with the FDA. Until we get further details, I assume the NDA submission will be later this year, sometime in the 2nd half at the earliest.
But don't be surprised about an early 2025 submission. As we saw with Lymphir, the NDA will encompass more than just the data. Manufacturing and controls will also be a part of the NDA package. To avoid a CRL, they need to ensure the NDA submission is complete. The NDA isn't a rush job.
After the NDA is submitted, the FDA will take up to 60 days before they accept it and announce the PDUFA date. The review period is 6 months for a priority review and 10 months for a standard review. Mino-Lok is eligible for the priority review. However, the priority review will NOT be confirmed until the FDA accepts the NDA submission and announces the PDUFA date. That normally happens about 60 days after the submission.

• If they get a priority review, the PDUFA date (approval/CRL decision) will be approximately 8 months after the NDA submission. Up to two months for the FDA to accept it and 6 months for the priority review.
• If they get a standard review, the PDUFA will be approximately 12 months after the NDA submission. Up to two months for the FDA to accept it and 10 months for the standard review.

With QIDP and Fast Track Designation, Mino-Lok is eligible for both a rolling NDA submission and a priority review. The rolling submission will likely be confirmed after the pre-NDA meeting. The priority review will be confirmed up to 60 days after the NDA is submitted by the company. With a priority review, the approval decision will be approximately 8 months after the NDA is submitted.

PART 1:

 Every town has their own version of “The Boogeyman”. A monster, cryptid, phantom, whatever you want to call it, it’s all essentially the same thing- just a scary story they tell kids in an attempt to get them to behave. An urban legend is just a life lesson disguised as a horror story after all. For us folk living up in the tiny and once prosperous gold-mining town of Trillium, ours was known simply as The Locust Man. Now, let me start by saying, I realize how ridiculous that name must sound to you. “The Locust Man”?? Pftt…What’s he do, besides get stuck in the grill of someone’s pick-up truck. Destroy some crops? Oooh, he sounds real scary... yeah, I know. But yet, as I sit here today 20 years after the fact - a grown woman who’s wiser, stronger, and even more grounded in reality than she was at 12, I still hesitate to even write down that name. 

As a young child I had always thought it to be a little weird that our town was called Trillium, considering I had never seen a single one growing there. If you don’t know, a trillium is a small flower, usually white but they come in other color varieties as well, with three pedals and a bright yellow center. They sort of look like if you took a lily and tore off every other pedal playing “He loves me, he loves me not”. In school, about 2nd grade or so, we were taught everything about this elusive flower I’d never seen in real life, and told how proud our town was to be named after it. Trillium, Colorado was established in 1922 - A new town born in the wake of a great tragedy which befell the town that had previously sat in the same location. For us, and those that came before us, the trillium was supposed to be a symbol of hope. Knowing all that I know now, that sentiment almost makes me want to laugh - in a morbid way.

 Growing up in a small, mostly isolated town, there really wasn’t much for a kid to do. You’d have to drive 45 minutes to get to the closest mall and movie theater. The high school kids would usually all hang out at the roller rink downtown or at the old run-down burger joint called Slim’s that sat across it. But at that age, I wasn’t allowed to go hang out there by myself yet and for me, going with my parents tagging along wasn’t an option I was open to. My neighborhood was on a long dead end road leading up to a large patch of woods that separated the main part of town from the abandoned mine. The old trail the miners used was still accessible up until a point, and so me and the other kids from my street would hang out in those woods all the time. We had a “secret spot” which was, what we thought at the time, about half way through the woods, 10 steps away from a small shallow creek that pretty much ran the length of the area. Rain Creek, we called it. There was a small clearing there, and we had created our own little clubhouse using old milk crates as supports, half- broken wooden pallets as walls, along with some old lawn chairs one of the neighbors was throwing out one day. I made my contribution by bringing a tarp we had in our basement that served as the roof of our establishment. Our parents didn’t love the idea of five 10 to 12 year olds running around in the woods by ourselves, but as long as we stayed within earshot and made it back before the streetlights came on, they probably figured it was safer than us being across town galavanting unsupervised. 

It was me, Lacey, Devin, Mikey and Michelle. We were all best friends - pretty much inseparable, except the boys weren’t invited to the girls’ sleepovers and vise versa. Everyday after school, we’d get dropped off by the bus at the very beginning of our road, and it was a running joke between the Rain Street Gang (as we liked to call ourselves) for all of us to try and run off the bus as quickly as possible, while me, Lacey and Devin would all yell in unison ‘Last two home are some rotten eggs!!’, as Mikey and Michelle tried to push past us to get a head start. The aforementioned two were siblings, and lived in the very last house on our row right next to the woods, so they’d always get home last, regardless of their efforts. Although, the year that Mikey got a pair of Heelys for Christmas he finally got his edge over the rest of us, leaving Michelle to be the lone “rotten egg” until the next summer when one of his wheels broke off. The whole point of it all was just to get home and get our chores and homework done as fast as possible, so we could meet up at Mikey and Michelle’s house with enough daylight left to make our trek into the woods and back - together as a group. All five of us had made a pact to never visit the clubhouse without all members present, although us girls always had a sneaking suspicion that the boys thought themselves exempt from that rule. They, after all, were the ones that had discovered the spot in the first place, and not to mention, did most of the physical labor of dragging our provisions out there. Me and Lacey initially only heard about the spot a day after the boys found it; Michelle had walked into Mikey’s room in the middle of him and Devin talking about it, and immediately relayed the message to us. Michelle wasn’t necessarily more loyal to the girls than the boys, she was just the youngest among us and honestly couldn’t resist blurting out any mildly relevant information she thought she might have, in an effort to be included. But in that regard, if the boys had ever gone out there on their own, they would’ve had to be extremely sneaky about it, because Michelle’s number one objective in life was to gather any piece of intel she could. It was a seemingly normal Saturday morning when we learned our suspicions about the boys may have been warranted.
I had slept over at Lacey’s house the night before. We had just woken up and were still sitting on her bed discussing our possible plans for the day, when Michelle busted through the door with a look on her face that immediately told us she had finally gotten a hold of some juicy information, before she could even open her mouth to stutter out, “You-you-you guyssss, guess w-w-what!?!” Lacey gestured the nail file that was in her hand toward her, raising her eyebrows bluntly as Michelle tried to catch her breath. “So… Devin came to sleep over last night, annnnnd I was pretending to go to the bathroom so I could spy on them. Seeeeee, I was supposed to be sleeping but I -“ “Ughh come on Michelle, get to it! What’d you hear?” Lacey snapped “Ughh okay okay. So, I heard the boys talking, anddddd…. they’re planning to go explore the old mine today!!” “Alright Michelle! Good spying!” I chuckled, trying to encourage her after Lacey’s impatience. Lacey rolls her eyes, then immediately stands up. She takes the scrunchie off her wrist, ties her long blonde hair into a messy bun, and simply said, “Let’s go.” “Lacey..” I said “What??” She responds as if she hadn’t registered the tone of my voice at all. As I opened my mouth to begin explaining all the logical and practical reasons why even if the boys were stupid enough to go play around somewhere dangerous, we shouldn’t be, Michelle exclaims, “That’s where the Locust Man lives!!” I close my mouth in defeat, as I know Lacey will take this nonsense as a challenge, and because of that, no amount of my warnings concerning actual dangers would have any effect on her decision. Lacey dismisses her comment as she attempts to shove her foot into one of her new pink sneakers that she refuses to admit are too small for her. “Pshhh, don’t be such a baby Michelle, he’s not real, you do know that right?” Michelle crinkled her face and yelled back, “Yes he is Lacey! He is!! And th-th- that’s where he lives, and he eats kids that go there!” Lacey laughs at her and says “Oh yeah? You still believe in Santa clause too? What about the tooth fairy?” Michelle looked down at her shoes, and although she could admittedly be annoying, I found myself feeling bad for her. “Come on Lacey, she’s just scared.” Lacey shot me a look like she was expecting me to burst into laughter, but I just gave her a smirk and a shrug, and she rolled her eyes and said “Get dressed.”

 We walked in silence toward the end of the road, though the reasons for all three differed drastically. Lacey’s was determination and resolve, mine was comtemptousness and defeat, and Michelle’s was just fear. I found myself half-way hoping the boys had left already, but as we approached the driveway we caught them just as they were about to step off the porch. 

“Hey!!” Lacey yelled, in her trademark cheerleader cadence. “Where do you boys think you’re going without us?”. Mikey let a groan and rolled his eyes, while Devin said through a coy smile, “Well, we were actually just heading out to go to find you girls.” “Liar.” Lacey snapped, quickly wiping the grin off Devin’s face. “Michelle already blabbed- we know where you two are going and we’re coming too.” The boys looked at each other, then Mikey shot Michelle an angry look as she tried to shrink herself behind me, and said, “Fine, whatever, but no cry baby snitches allowed!!” Michelle then proceeded to prove both of his accusations correct by yelling back, “I am not a cry baby!! I’m telling mom if you don’t let me come with you!!” At that point I finally spoke up. “Alright, listen.” I said sternly, then once I had their attention I lowered my voice a bit to say, “Just for the record, I think us going to that grody old mine is a dumb idea and a big waste of time, but if one of us goes, we all go. That’s the deal, so make your decisions.” Lacey folded her arms in solidarity beside me, and with that we all had an unspoken understanding. So, with the boys out ahead leading the way, we headed toward the tree line.

 As we entered the woods, I felt a sense of dread wash over me - but to be fair, as a preteen emo kid who had already reached an adult level of cynicism, I felt a certain level of dread towards almost everything in life. So take my premonition with a grain of salt, but for some reason, this felt… different. I remember the woods being abnormally quiet that day. It took some time for me to even notice, but as soon as I did, I interrupted the mindless chatter going on to say, 

“Where are all the freakin’ birds?” Everyone turned to look at me as if I’d completely lost my mind. “Uhhh… What are you talking about?” Devin asked me. I pointed up toward the treetops. “Listen…. ” They all looked up, then looked around at each other in confusion. “Every time we’ve ever been in these woods, there’s always birds chirping back and forth. We’ve been walking almost 5 minutes now and I haven’t heard a single bird, have you guys?” “Damn, yeah, that is weird.” Mikey agreed. “They probably all just migrated!!” Devin goofily offered. “That’s stupid Devin, it’s spring. If anything, there should be more birds here, not less you moron.” Lacie argued. Devin flipped Lacie off, which was the best rebuttal he could usually come up with, and then turned toward me and said, “Okay whatever, what’s your point exactly?” “Just that - “ I looked over to Mikey, then back at Devin. “It’s weird.” I didn’t want to say what I was actually thinking. That the woods being too quiet was never a good thing. That when birds aren’t chirping, it could mean there’s a predator nearby. Besides, I was pretty confident that the boys, having both been in the scouts, knew what I knew, so saying it out loud would only serve to annoy Lacie and further frighten Michelle. Mikey broke his gaze that had been fixed on me, and while scanning our surroundings he said, “Let’s stop by the clubhouse on the way.” With a nod from me, we continued. When we arrived at our pit stop, Lacey hobbled over to the closest lawn chair and plopped herself down in it. “Ughhh, my feet are killing me!!” “I wonder why.” I mutter under my breath. “Excuse me, what was that?” “Just saying. Those shoes are gonna be the death of you Lace, you can barely walk in them.” “Pshhh, shut up. They just need to be broken-in okay? You’re just jealous cuz you’re still wearing your dirty old Vans from last year.” “Oooh yeah, you got me there. I am so sad I don’t have a pair of ugly pink Sketchers that don’t fit me.” She stuck her tongue out at me and we both laughed. I was just about the only person who could go toe to toe with Lacey’s sass. It’s part of the reason we ended up being best friends, besides being neighbors. In regard to style, personality and interests, we were almost polar opposites. But when it came to humor we were equals. And more importantly, we both had a mutual understanding when it came to our differences- I was me and she was her, and neither of us felt the need to try and make the other one be more like us. Besides, I was the only person who had ever really stood up to Lacey and didn’t take any of her crap, so I think she respected that. While that exchange had been going on, Michelle had started picking tiny pink flowers, and the boys were rummaging in the clubhouse for something. I yelled in their direction, “Hey! Big Mike and Dirty D!!” Me and Lacey giggled and she mouthed the word “big” with air quotation marks. They didn’t respond, so I walked over to the entryway and looked in. They were standing with their backs to me while looking down at an open metal box, and Mikey was reaching to grab whatever was in it. As he stood back up, I could see what it was. “What the fuck Mikey, seriously?” Hearing me cuss, Lacey and Michelle crowded in behind me. “Chill, it’s just a BB gun.” “I know it’s a BB gun Michael, what are you doing with it, and why is it here?” I was livid at the thought that he might be coming out here and shooting at animals just to be a shithead. I expected something like that from a goober like Devin, but not Mikey. Michelle butted in, “I’m telling mom!!!” “Nice try, dad knows I have it.” He looked at me and softened his tone. “It’s for protection, just in case we come across a black bear, or some weirdo creep out here. Seriously… it’s just to scare off something, not hurt it.” He knew how I felt about killing animals, especially for no good reason. A lot of people out here are poor and hunt for food, which I could accept as a reality. But hurting animals just for fun is psycho behavior, so I was relieved to hear him dispel my fear; I really didn’t want to have to hate him. “Do you even know how to shoot that thing?” Lacey asked. “Yeah, my dad showed me.” Devin clapped his hands together, making us all jump and himself laugh. “Well alright then, let’s get going!” I turned to Michelle, still holding the flowers. “You okay?” She nodded. “If you want me to walk back with you, I can.” I was slightly hoping she’d say yes so I’d have an excuse to get out of this excursion, but she just shook her head and forced a smile. I knew she was scared, but she was just too curious. Maybe I was too.

 We walked for what felt like half an hour. The trees had gotten more dense and the path narrowed from the overgrowth. Still no birdsong. I kept scanning the area in search of any sign of life other than us. Looking for movement of creatures scurrying away, listening for the sound of rustling as we passed, hoping for a squirrel, a lizard, even a bug. Nothing. 

“How much further is this damn thing?” Lacey groaned. Mikey answered without even turning around. “We should be coming up on it any time now.” “You said that like 10 minutes ago.” “Yeah, and now we’re like 10 minutes closer to it. And hey guess what, you insisted on inviting yourself - so suck it up buttercup.” “Hahahaha!” Devin laughed like a maniac at Mikey’s quip, while Lacey folded her arms and for once in her life didn’t have a snappy comeback. This time however, I did. “Well we really only came along to make sure you idiots didn’t kill yourselves.” “Oh, so you girls came out here with us to be our protectors, huh?” Devin laughed. “Ehh, more like babysitters.” Needless to say, I was flipped off for that statement. We rounded the next bend and suddenly all came to an abrupt stop one after another, starting with Mikey. Devin positioned himself beside him and let out a disappointed groan. “Shit Mikey!” A huge tree had fallen and was blocking the trail completely. There was no way we could climb over it because of all the leaves and branches - we’d have to go around it, which meant leaving the safety of the trail and crossing Rain Creek twice to get back to it. “Seriously???” Lacey exclaimed. “Maybe it’s a sign that we shouldn’t be going.” I shrugged. Mikey didn’t seem fazed by the obstruction at all. In fact, he seemed more confident. More calm. More sure of his intended mission. “It’s fine, we’ll just go around.” Michelle, who had been mostly quiet this whole time, finally broke her fear induced silence. “We are NOT supposed to leave the tr-tr-trail Michael! We could get lost!” “We aren’t gonna get lost Michelle, I have a compass. Plus, it’s literally just a few paces that way, then we cross the creek and circle back once we pass the tree and we’re right back on the trail.” “Oh you have got to be kidding me” Lacey said, “I’m not treading through that nasty water!” “Yeah Mikey, what about Lacey’s brand new shoes??” I laughed, and she playfully slapped me in the arm. Mikey’s patience was wearing thin with us. “Look, we already walked this far - if we turn back now, we’ve wasted the whole day for nothing. If you girls wanna be lame and turn around, then go for it - but me and Dev are going.” That’s all Lacey needed. A challenge to accept; someone to prove wrong. “I’ll show you lame.” She pushed past the boys and lead the way into the thick brush towards Rain Creek. It wasn’t very wide across, and there were lots of fallen limbs and large rocks spread throughout it. The current was barely that of a trickle, and the depth was no more than knee deep for us. It was definitely doable - just an inconvenience. And of course, one more ominous obstacle lying directly in our path. Another hint from the universe telling us to turn around. We didn’t listen. Lacey placed one foot on the closest limb and pushed down a few times to test its sturdiness. “I got this.” She stepped out onto it with both feet, then shimmied sideways until she was close enough to the large exposed rock in the middle of the creek, and hopped onto it. She turned around with a full grin and said, “Coming?” Mikey made his way across the limb as Lacey hopped onto a different limb which led her to the other side of the creek. Devin followed, then me, and then it was Michelle’s turn. “I’m scared to fall in!” Of course she is, I should have made her go before me. “It’s okay Michelle, it’s easy!” I reassured her. She didn’t look convinced in the slightest. “Come on Chelle, we’re leaving you!” Mikey yelled, already walking away. “Nooo!! I’m coming! Wait!” She made it across, but instead of just walking like everyone else did, she got down on her hands and knees and gripped the limb as if it were the only thing in between her and a 50 foot drop to the ground, which was funny to see but prolonged the whole process further. After all, we were about to have to do all of this again. Next go round went a lot smoother. The creek was more shallow here, and there were a whole lot more stepping rocks and debris built up. Having just crossed successfully a few minutes ago, we were all more confident in our abilities, including Michelle - who this time we made go first. “Just walk across like it’s a bridge! You got this!!”, we all cheered for her, and then clapped when she made it to the other side. Before we knew it we were back on the trail, and it wasn’t long after that we finally arrived at our intended destination.

 We all stopped and stared at it for a minute, carefully examining the dilapidated exterior of the place that had brought both prosperity and destruction upon our town. Mikey bent down, picked up a rock and threw it into the entrance. We heard it bounce a few times before it stopped. 

“Just to make sure nothing’s in there.” he turned around to clarify. “Did anyone think to bring a flashlight?” I asked. “It’s dark as hell in there.” I was hoping for just one more reason not to go. Devin reached into his cargo shorts pocket and pulled out a small keychain-sized flashlight, smiling with the satisfaction of finally being useful. “Okay, Mikey’ll hold the gun, I’ll shine the light and you girls follow behind us. Let’s go.” Mikey shifted the BB gun from its position of resting on his shoulder, to holding the barrel in his left hand and the butt in his right; trying his best to emulate a soldier’s stance. Something his dad had taught him I’m sure. We ducked down a bit to enter. “How far in we going?” Lacey asked. “Until we see something cool.” Mikey answered. I turned around to check on Michelle, still hovering in the doorway. “You coming?” I could see in her eyes that fear had finally gotten the better of her, and curiosity had taken a backseat. With wide eyes she shook her head. “The-the Locust Man lives in there.”, she tried to whisper. “I knew you were gonna be a baby about this!” Mikey yelled. I crouched down and put my hand on her shoulder. Against my better judgment, I say “How bout you just wait here for us and pick some more flowers. We won’t be long, there’s nothing in there, I promise. Just.. don’t move from this spot and we’ll be right back, okay?” I could feel her unease, but she seemed to accept my reassurance nonetheless. “Okay.” I smiled, then stood up and looked down at my watch to check the time. 12:46 PM. I turned and headed into the darkness, trying to catch up with everyone else. I didn’t feel good about leaving Michelle, but I didn’t feel good about letting the rest of them go in there alone either. And if I’m being honest, maybe a little part of me wanted to see what was in there too. When I caught up to Lacey she asked, “Where’s Michelle?” “Stayed behind at the entrance, she was too scared. I told her to pick flowers and wait there for us.” “Pshh, figures.” “Yeah. How’s your feet?” “At this point, numb actually.” It was so dark in there that even Devin’s rinky dink flashlight was illuminating the area enough for me to start taking a closer look at my surroundings. I looked around at the rock walls, they were covered in what looked like orange mold and green algae. There was a slight breeze coming in from the entrance, but the whole place just had a staleness to it. The boys stopped and turned around as we arrived at the first curve. “So ladies, what do you think? Cool huh?” Devin asked excitedly. “Smells like a fart in here.” I said.

 The most dangerous thing about exploring an old mine wasn’t getting lost in the maze of tunnels, or tripping on the rusted tracks and slamming your head against the wall - it was something simply referred to as bad air. Pockets of still air that have dangerously low levels of oxygen, the old men in town would call it “black damp”. There was also something produced from the old chemicals they once used called “stink damp”, which smelled like rotten eggs. Both were lethal. 

“I wonder if there’s dead bodies in here!” “Uh, Dev… we’re gonna be the dead bodies in here if we go in too far. I wasn’t just making a joke, you know that rotten egg smell can mean bad air.” Mikey interjected. “The entrance isn’t far behind us, there’s still enough fresh air coming in. We won’t go in too far, let’s just get to the end of this tunnel where it splits off and look around a bit, then we’ll turn around.” The fork in the tunnel really wasn’t that much further, and even though I knew once we rounded this curve I wouldn’t be able to see the entrance behind me anymore, I decided what the hell. Maybe a hundred more steps, then we can finally turn around and this whole dumb situation would be closer to being over with. When we got there, we looked down the length of the connecting tunnels each way. Everything looked unusually identical in its deterioration. I could see how someone could easily get disoriented and lost down here. “Hellooooo…” Mikey yelled to the left, his voice echoing through the corridor. Devin turned to the opposite direction and called out, “Hey yo, Locust Man!! You in here?” We all giggled, which made me think about Michelle, still waiting at the entrance for us, alone in the woods. I looked down at my watch. 12:46 PM. “Hey what the f-“ My cuss word was interrupted by a loud bang that came from the passageway Devin had just been hollering into. We all froze. I didn’t have time to process that my watch had stopped right as we entered the tunnel, or that Michelle had been left alone for who knows how long now, or that we had just heard what sounded like a support beam crashing to the ground, because next came a horrifying screeching buzzing sound. It sounded distant at first, but was quickly increasing in volume. We silently looked around at each other and backed away stunned at what we were hearing. Mikey never took his eyes off the tunnel though, and slowly he began to raise the BB gun to firing position. Without even thinking, I grabbed the barrel and pushed it downward. He quickly tore his eyes away from his target to look at me. I shook my head and managed to barely choke out the word, “Explosion.” He nodded and I let go. I looked down at the gun in his hands, and seeing his finger had already been on the trigger, I realized how lucky it was that I didn’t make him shoot himself in the foot. All of a sudden, the noise stopped. “What the hell was that?” Lacey asked. “I don’t know, nothing good.” I said. “Let’s just get the fuck out of here before this whole place caves in on us or something.” Another loud bang erupted from the right, extremely close to us. “Shit!!!” We all turned around and ran as fast as we could back toward the entrance. Devin tried to push past me, but as he did my elbow knocked the flashlight out of his hand. “My flashlight!!!” “Leave it!” Mikey shouted “The turn is right here, we won’t need it!” We rounded the corner, and using what little light there was illuminating from the entrance to guide us back, we ran like our lives depended on it. And they may have- none of us dared to look back, not like we would have been able to see anything anyway. When we finally made it out, we were all completely out of breath. I felt like I was going to throw up. I have to admit though, once we had made it back to safety I felt a rush of adrenaline like I had just had a near death experience. That feeling quickly faded into sheer panic when I looked around and realized Michelle was nowhere to be seen. “Uh, where’s Michelle?” Mikey asked me. “I told her to stay right here, she can’t be very far… Michelle!!!!” We all called her name, as loud as we could. No answer, no sign of her anywhere. “Alright look, she probably went off a little further looking for flowers to pick.” I tried to rationalize. “Let’s just split off in 4 directions and walk in a straight line while calling for her. She’s bound to hear one of us.” Everyone agreed, and even though I appeared outwardly as the level-headed calm person you need to take control in an emergency, inside I was petrified that something had happened to her, and that it would be my fault. I took the east, and headed out. It didn’t take too long before I passed a large tree and saw her sitting down behind it, looking at something on the ground. “Michelle! Oh thank god!! Didn’t you hear us calling for you??” She didn’t answer me, or even turn around. “Michelle, didn’t I tell you to stay by the entrance and not move?!?” My relief was quickly turning into annoyance as she continued to ignore me. I walked up closer to see what she was looking at, and my mouth dropped in awe of what she had found. It was a single white trillium.

 They say it takes 8 years for a trillium plant to produce a flower, and conditions have to be just right for it to bloom. That’s what makes them so special and rare. I stared down at it almost in a trance, like I was seeing a mythical creature. Michelle slowly reached out her hand towards it and I snapped out of it. 

“No!!” I grabbed her by the arm and she finally turned around to look at me. “If you pick the flower, the plant will die.” She ripped her arm away from my grasp and whined, “But I want to show my mom!” We heard Mikey calling from the north and I cupped my hands over my mouth to yell back, “I found her, she’s over here!!” I looked back at her. “No Michelle, come on, you can just tell her about it when we get back home.” I had enough, I was beyond ready to go and we still had at least another 45 minutes of walking to even get back to the clubhouse; an hour if Michelle kept up her crap. I grabbed her arm again and pulled her up to a standing position, looking back at the trillium as I walked her away. Mikey caught up to us, breathless but trying to hide his concern. “You little shit, we should have left you out here! What the hell were you doing?” I let go of her arm and she walked toward Mikey. “She was trying to pick a flower over there.” “It was a trillium!!” Michelle said, with the biggest smile on her face. “Wait, really?” He looked at me in disbelief. Before I could respond, a blood curdling scream echoed through the forest, coming from the west. It was Lacey. My heart dropped into my stomach and once again, every molecule in my body went into full blown panic mode. This time, I couldn’t contain my composure. “Laceyyyyyy!!!!!” A panicked shriek erupted from my lungs and I took off running. Mikey grabbed Michelle and sprinted after us. The trees became a blur; I didn’t even feel all the scratches and scrapes. Had she come across a coyote? A mountain lion? A bear? I didn’t even stop to think about the danger I might be about to come in contact with, I just ran. And then I found her. She was lying on the ground, holding her left foot. “Lacey!!” I said, trying to choke back the tears that were building up. “I think I twisted my ankle!!” “Oh god damn it, you bitch.” I struggled to catch my breath. “I thought you were dead.” “I might as well be, I have cheerleading practice on Monday!” Mikey and Michelle caught up to us. “What happened?” He asked “She’s being a drama queen, she just rolled her ankle.” I was angry. “Can you get up?” He asked her. She was able to stand, but as soon as she tried to put any pressure on her foot at all, she screamed in pain. We spotted Devin running over from the south as he was yelling out, “Hey yo, everyone alive and accounted for?” “Yeah, Lacey hurt her ankle.” Mikey yelled back. As he approached he looked concerned. “Can you walk on it?” He asked her. “No.” Without hesitation he replied, “Well alright then, looks like you’re gonna have to piggyback it all the way back home.” He lowered himself enough to where she could hop up onto his back, and we headed back toward the trail. Even though my nerves had begun to settle a bit, I knew we were still far from being out of the woods, in more ways than one.

(sorry if this is too extensive I'm really bad at keeping it short!)
Hi all! I'm looking for testimonies from people who have had a laprascopic removal operation, and how their periods have changed since then.
About me:I have always had horrible periods and they got worse every year. Symptoms: not being able to stand up, feeling light headed (I never fainted in my life but I often wish I could in these moments), pain all over my body, extreme cramps that would make me cry and yell, and quite heavy bleeding. Also, no birth control ever helped regulate or lessen these symtoms, and I didnt really have endo symptoms outside of my period (except the 5 days before pms).
It got very unlivable in the last year, I had to take wayyy too many painkillers to survive those days. I lucked out bc my sister had had it and remembered the doctor she went to for her hysterectomy after looking for a long time for a doctor that took it seriously. So I went to him, got an exploratory surgery, and then a robotic laprascopy to remove the Endo tissue. The doctor was wonderful and even showed me on the pictures, he told me everything was gone.
This was in march. The first period came 3 days post op, and it seemed super light and painless, but I couldn't differentiate well since the pain from the surgery was very present.
I was feeling fully healed after a month, but now the last 2 periods I've had have still been pretty debilitating. Not someone-shot-me-in-the-stomach debilitating, so yay for that of course! And very little bleeding in comparison to before. But I still get pain in my legs, back and stomach, a complete lack of energy, cramps in the days leading up to it, and severe light headedness like I'm high or something. I feel like a zomby basically in the first 2 days, and it worries me since I've been unemployed for some months and I thought post-op, I'd be able to at least stand up and do things during my period in a future job.
I know this is different for everyone, but I'm wondering if anyone has a similar experience. And if it can get better after a few months. I hope this isn't the best it can get cause this isn't great 😅
(Just so I'm leaving nothing out: I also have a severe iron and vitamin D deficiency which caused major fatigue in the last months, but since I took vitamins for it I have felt more energized. I ran out of vit D a few days ago and am now on my period, so maybe that could make it worse as well.)