TL/DR: Broke up with gf (F/21) 4 years ago because I was immature even though we were best friends and loved each other. Got into a new relationship with (F/22) 1 year ago, became more mature and realized that I treated my ex wrong. Now I cant stop thinking about it for 6 months and it depresses and overwhelmes me.
When I (M/22) was 17 I had a girlfriend now (F/21) for 8 months (01/2020 - 08/2020). We had almost everything in common, generally were best friends and loved each other since the first time we met. However I sometimes was very immature when it came to communication and I also wasn’t that motivated to meet her because I used to be lazy. For example when corona started I did not want to meet up with her for ~1 month because I didn’t want to get sick and was scared of the virus. Obviously this made her sad but she loved me a lot and didn’t want to upset me so she accepted it and waited until I decided that not meeting up because of corona is wrong. Another example is that I sometimes neglected her so I could focus on school because that was really important to me.
Of course we also had a lot of great moments that I will cherish forever, but eventually I started to think that we shouldn‘t be together. I thought that I lost feelings for her and told myself that I don‘t actually love her and have to break up with her because she deserves someone who really loves her and treats her better. She really loved me, maybe more than anyone else ever did. But I thought it wasn‘t right. I picked her up from her home, we went to a park, I told her how I felt,i.a. she said that she will forever be happy to have me as her first bf. We broke up and decided to stay friends. Unfortunately that last part didn‘t work out so well because she met a new guy and I didn‘t want to get in their way so I thought that I have to distance myself from her and let them be happy. They got together and I slowly broke contact. (Why didn‘t I just talk to her)
Last year I got together with a girl now (F/22) I met in uni. This is my first adult relationship and I learnt a lot about trust, commitment, communication etc. My partner and I really grew in this relationship and also love each other. However I‘ve never been really convinced that she is the right one since she i.a. sometimes gets panic attacks or aggressive which is too much for me. However I decided to stay with her, partly because I think that I have to be there for her since she has a bad relationship with her mom, I can help her with uni etc. but i.a also because it can be comfortable and fun with her.
In January I started to think about my ex from 2020 and since then I can‘t get her out of my mind. Every day I blame myself for breaking up with her and not putting effort in that relationship. I started to realize how I treated her wrong and how I shouldve acted. I get the feeling that I ruined everything and it depresses me. Even more when I think about how I made my ex feel when I broke up with her.
I talked about this with my current girlfriend and she tried to calm me down. I hoped that I could get over my past relationship but I just can‘t.
It‘s been almost 6 months now and I want to ask my girlfriend if I could text my ex and ask her to meet up and talk about the past so I can hopefully get over it. Another part of me thinks that I should break up with my current girlfriend first and then meet up with my ex. (I have no intentions of getting her back I just want to come clean)
This whole situation overwhelmes and drains me. I think about it everyday and its getting too much.

Okay fellow humans, I’m kind of at a crossroads here and I need some advice… So lately some stuff went down with my roommate and her boyfriend and on a night of drinking she showed me and my boyfriend the screenshots of the conversations between her boyfriend and another female(s). I saw some things like “you get me soaked” and him calling her baby which honestly made my red flag radar start going off. I didn’t really pay attention to the time stamps or when the conversation happened but all I know is that if you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t be talking to other people like that, and I told my roommate those exact words. She also went to my boyfriend to talk about it as well and I’m pretty sure he told her the same thing. After that we continued having a good time together and went on with the night having fun as a little family. The next day (Mothers Day) my boyfriend and I were leaving to go see our beloved mamas, as I was walking out the door my roommates boyfriend stopped me to talk to me about last night. He looked at me and started with “First I want to clarify that those screenshots she showed you were old and happened before we started dating, she likes to show stuff like that when she’s drunk.” I was honestly speechless… the questions running through my head in that moment were “why are you trying to justify yourself with me right now?” And “If you already talked about it before with her why are you trying to talk to me?” Of course I didn’t ask those out loud but I just kind of gave him a glare, and I said “alright man” and walked out the door, mind you when he told me that his body language was off and fidgety AND she has never even showed us stuff like that before the previous times we got drunk together. When my roommate and her boyfriend talked about the screenshots… he said he was doing it for “money” because they were in a tight spot, at the time both of them were unemployed. But I smelt total bullshit with that excuse. There’s other ways to get money in a more honest way, I know getting hired and finding a new job is hard but talking to other women who aren’t even sugar mama age is a little sketchy to me, don’t you think? My boyfriend and I honestly were getting restless about the whole situation because we had a strong feeling he was lying right to her and our face. Later we came back home from the domains of our lovely mothers, I didn’t really want to talk to my roommates boyfriend so I went straight upstairs to take a shower while my boyfriend conversed with them downstairs. From what my boyfriend explained to me, he talked to them about the situation and they were allegedly on good terms and roommates boyfriend deleted/blocked all the girls he was talking to, he even let my boyfriend look through his phone to show proof. But there was more evidence of one more girl in his phone that wasn’t deleted, a girl under the name “Fggt😁😁” my boyfriend found a text from him to her saying “Be mine😍😍😍😍” HOW ARE YOU GOING TO TELL YOUR GIRL YOU BLOCKED EVERYONE AND STILL HAVE ONE LEFT?! The date of the text was from April 15, 2023… My roommate and her boyfriend have been together for the past 3 years… ummmm RED FLAG. My boyfriend didn’t say anything about what he found and handed the phone back. Later that week my boyfriend and I planned on talking to my roommate alone when her boyfriend was at work, and that’s what we did. About two or three days ago we pulled her outside to express our concerns, my boyfriend and I have both been in relationships with shitty people so we know how it feels to be cheated on so it was with good intentions and we were just trying to look out for her. My boyfriend told her to just keep an eye out and proceed with caution. I’m a very straightforward person with my feelings so I told her something similar but I also told her that I don’t really trust him anymore and that he might keep this behavior up and get sloppy about it in the future.. When we came back inside we again clarified that we are watching out for her and we are on her side. We also told her that if shit hits the fan with her relationship, we will be on her side 100% she was willing to listen to us and respected our opinion which we were grateful for. But then yesterday or maybe the day before I’m not too sure cause my perception of time sucks, me, my boyfriend, our best friend, and my roommates little brother were all having a good time drawing really stupid pictures of each other on the fridge, as a JOKE. Then my roommate and her boyfriend came downstairs and the vibe in the room totally shifted to complete tension, her boyfriend was visibly upset or irritated, standing in the corner with his arms crossed and just glaring at us (me, bf, best friend). We looked at him and tried showing him the drawing of him to get a laugh out of him but he was just stone face and not happy at all. We tried asking him what’s wrong but all we got was the silent treatment, which we didn’t really care. But he was being salty which ruined the vibe in the room so my boyfriend and I just went upstairs cause we didn’t want to be around a sourpuss. We didn’t know why he was upset, but my boyfriend and I assumed that our roommate told him about what we said to her and now he’s mad about it. Was it wrong to express or worry to her? Are we the as*holes for not wanting our friend to get hurt? I need some advice. What do ya’ll think about this??

This is an abridged version of a 7,000+ word monstrosity spanning 4 campaigns, have fun! And TW for misogyny and human trafficking/slavery. Most of us were new to 5e, and signed up for a paid online DnD group during the start of Covid. There were 2 campaigns running simultaneously DMed by Enabler and his wife (who is really sweet and not the problem.) Deren started a free Phandelver game, then eventually Manipulator who was the director of the group started a campaign as well. Most of the cast played in all 4 games, but I couldn’t join Deren’s because of scheduling. Most of the drama happened in the campaign ran by Enabler which I’ll call the A-Men.
Cast:
Luno - a human Twilight Cleric. Cool dude.
Corgi - Didn’t play with the A-Men, but played a dwarf Battle Smith in the campaign parallel to ours. Wife to Luno irl. Cool lady.
Deren - half-elf Grave Cleric. Also cool dude.
Me - played a goliath Tempest Cleric
Dick - A perpetually drunk, arrogant asswipe. Played a warforged artificer.
Enabler - DM for the A-Men.
Manipulator - The main directoowner of the paid group.
Things started out nice in Enabler’s campaign, Luno, Deren, and I became fast friends and loved roleplaying with each other. But pretty soon the difficulty of combat started getting very difficult, and Enabler was forcing us to fight in encounters that would’ve been balanced for a party more than triple our level. As in, we as a level 2 party managed to take on an orc war chief, 2 ogres, an Eye of Gruumsh, and 5 or so orcs all in a cramped basement. The only way we were able to not die was by the 3 clerics spamming Healing Word on each other like whack-a-mole. This campaign and the group as a whole was marketed as “D&D for Beginners,” and we were all new to the game. At the time I didn’t realize how absurd the encounters were, I just thought it was my fault for being bad at the game. I don’t know why, but Enabler really wanted to kill all our characters… except for Dick’s.
Let me just get this out of the way first: Dick, was a dick. He would come to sessions sloshed, and continue drinking all game. He tried to get two different parties TPK’ed for no reason. He’d spout a bunch of racist and homophobic “jokes” that were very clearly not jokes. Oh, and he cheated, like, a lot. None of us liked him, but Enabler treated him like a golden child. None of us know why. He was showered with magical items and thousands of more gold than any of the rest of us. He was allowed to use busted homebrew none of the rest of us were. And most infuriatingly, he was allowed to cheat, more or less in the open. He’d fudge dice, even in DnD Beyond where his rolls were recorded. Hi warforged had higher health and stats than anyone, was allowed to use both a shield and a 2-handed rifle simultaneously, had more infusions than was allowed, and “mixed up” the loading and reloading properties between Eberron’s guns and Critical Role’s Bad News so he was allowed to do about 30 damage per turn, while the rest of us were doing about 5. Again, since all of us were new, we didn’t realize the blatant cheating till months later, and thought we just had to git gud.
Weirdly enough, Enabler never seemed to target Dick with his monsters. Couldn’t afford to risk scratching his favorite player’s gold-plated ass, certainly not! But for whatever reason my characters especially drew the Enabler’s ire. My cleric had chainmail and a shield so she was pretty tanky, and I guess he didn’t like that? During the basement orc fight he complained that he couldn’t put her down. I thought he was joking at the time, but looking back… yeah he wasn’t. Eventually I got tired of spending 3-4 hours unconscious so I took a level in Fighter to gain the Defense style for +1 AC. I was not hit by a single attack for the rest of the campaign. Everywhere the party went, regardless of the setting or context, every time we rolled initiative a mass of enemy clerics would spawn in and pelt me with 4-6 Sacred Flames and down my character within the first round or so. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. In a wizard’s tower? Clerics. Robbing a vault? Cleric are sitting in the vault. Keep in mind that Dick’s AC has been about 25 through all this because shenanigans.
Turns out Enabler was an asshole and a misogynist in his own right. He completely disregarded all female players in either his or his wife’s campaign (they were basically the same campaign, with the same plot and setting). Rarely responded to questions about the rules from me, and never bothered to send Corgi (who was playing a dwarf) his homebrew dwarf lore, even though the whole setting revolved around dwarves. Corgi found out about the dwarf lore through Luno. He asked me to write the worldbuilding for the goliaths, which I was happy to do. I researched the Poetic and Prose Eddas to make a culture based off the Jotunn, sent it to him, and he approved it. Wan’t till months later that I learned he scrapped the whole thing. Also, he rewrote my character’s backstory and never even bothered to tell me until (again) months later, in the middle of a session. I was the only girl in the A-Men. Shocker.
There were also only 2 friendly female NPCs the entire campaign, one of which was unconscious basically the whole time we knew her. But all those clerics we were mowing down? All Lolth cultists. Same goes for literally any other enemy spellcasters throughout the campaign (except for any Intelligence casters, those were men, of course.) Oh yeah, and he also made a human trafficking ring, just for my character! Basically he wanted the party to sell my character into slavery in order to progress the plot. Fun. Thankfully they didn’t do that (absolute Chads). This wasn’t in the other version of the campaign, of course.
Things finally ended when Dick tried to TPK the party again, and Enabler took the opportunity to try and kill the party once and for all. He triggered all encounters in the entire dungeon at once while our party was stuck in a pair of long hallways. My character was downed within the first round as usual from 6 Sacred Flames, got most of the party low with about 4 groups of 3-6 enemies each, then had the pair of bosses cast cloudkill and insect plague in the same area at the same time, then summoned a Barlgura. Despite Dick’s protests, the rest of the party drug my unconscious character out of the spell blender, turned around, and left the dungeon.
A few days after the session we got together and I posted a message on the group’s Discord detailing Dick’s cheating, and that I didn’t want to play with him anymore. I didn’t even mention my personal gripes with Enabler. Immediately I get a message from Manipulator, asking me to jump into a voice call with him and Enabler. Alarm bells start ringing in the back of my head, and ask if the other players can join as well. Enabler disappeared, and wouldn’t talk unless I was alone. Of course, a few days later when we did all get together to talk over voice chat, I was the problem player. Manipulator scolded me for not being communicative with Enabler. Luno immediately yelled “Bullshit!” Reminder, Enabler ignored all my messages and wouldn’t talk with women in the group. Luno, Corgi, and Deren all stood up for me (again, absolute Chads.) And Luno is a pretty quiet guy, and that was the only time I’ve ever heard him yell. There was a lot more going on with Manipulator, he sold us fake stickers, tried to get Corgi and Luno to work for him for free, and was a nightmare DM all on his own, but that’s a story for another time.
We all jumped ship after that, and I hear things got pretty nasty on the VC after I left. Apparently we were the first of several mass exoduses out of that group. Now we have our own free group and play often. Since then Corgi and Luno more or less adopted me as part of their family. We spend holidays together, they attended my college graduation, the whole nine yards. The lot are the sweetest people you could meet. Happy ending!

Beta 2 was great. Since upgrading to Beta 2.1 the other day a couple fundamental things have changed for me. P8Pro on T-Mo, US.
Data extremely slow in the NYC subway stations. On T-Mo I have had good speeds at subway stations but not since then. Ok this could be a T-Mo issue but...
Issue sending a text today. Kept saying could not connect even thought it was an SMS message to an iPhone. This could also be a T-Mo issue but...
Phone call would not go through as well. This could also be a T-Mo issue but figured since it's a lot of issues, has anyone else had any similar experiences since 2.1?

[Part 1]
Day 3
I woke the next morning from the sunshine in my eyes. My head was resting ever so slightly on Eli's arm as we had both fallen asleep on my bed after I begged him to stay. I blanched in horror at the drool stain I had left on the arm of his white t-shirt.
I began to slowly move myself and retreat downstairs as the memories of the night before came flooding back. How I had broken, screaming in terror, and how Eli had saved me, not knowing the true reason he found me curled up on the floor crying.
As I stepped off the bed, my leg got snagged in the frilly bed cover, and I went crashing to the ground, making quite the noise as I landed. With a yawn, Eli's eyes opened, and I felt myself blushing as he turned to look at me.
We both kind of stared at each other for a moment, not speaking. Eli opened his mouth, then closed it again as if unsure of what to say.
"Coffee?" I asked quickly, filling the awkwardness of our situation.
"Please," Eli said, smiling.
In minutes, I had a pot brewing as I leaned against the kitchen counter. Eli was picking up the scattered photographs from the floor and looking at them quizzically.
"Why do you have pictures of the Harmons?" Eli asked, showing me the photos of the yellow-haired man and his family.
"Is that their names? I found them out in the barn under a blanket," I answered as I rooted around the cupboards for two mugs.
"In the barn? I cleaned it out just last week. No way I would have missed this trunk," Eli said while examining the wooden trunk with its simple rustic hinges. It was plain and unadorned with any embellishments. Basic as basic could be.
"Well, you must have missed it because it was there," I said, putting emphasis on the "was" in a way that reminded me of my mother chastising my father.
"That's so weird," he said, shifting through the photos while sitting at the table. I brought him a cup of coffee and sugar, and he began absentmindedly adding a lot of sugar to his coffee. About six scoops later, he began stirring and sipping it.
"Well, anyways, thanks for coming last night. I wasn't myself, I hope you know that I'm not some damsel in distress," I said quickly, like word vomit, and I even chuckled at the end, feeling like a total weirdo.
"What happened anyway? You didn't say last night," he said, putting the photos down in a jumble on the table.
I paused for a moment, considering how to answer. As I sipped my coffee, I stared out into the yard beside the barn where the scarecrow stood, glancing around the edge of the barn, hanging limply in his hole. His appearance once again sad and dejected instead of murderous and terrifying.
"I was just scared, I had a nightmare, and it just scared me," I said dumbly, trying not to turn crimson again under his intense gaze.
His eyes seemed to cut right through my lie, as if he were staring directly into my being before he simply glanced away out the window. We fell silent again, and I filled some moments by sipping my drink. It seemed to revitalize me; the sun and the company made me feel secure.
"Why were you here anyways?" I asked after a moment.
"I heard screaming, so I came running. I live just on the other side of the grass there, behind the barn," Eli said, pointing to the barn out the window.
"Must be really close, I didn't see any houses on the way in," I said, prying deeper into the situation.
"It's actually a trailer, maybe like two hundred yards from here. I was outside getting some air when I heard you scream. So, I came running," Eli said, finishing his cup of coffee and placing it in between us like a barrier, as if he was hiding something.
"Could you, uh, not do that?" Eli asked, with an uncertain grin on his face.
"What am I doing exactly?" I asked, startled for a moment, my stomach doing a sort of flip.
"It's just that you like stare at people. You've been staring at me for like my whole cup of coffee, I don't think you blinked the whole time," Eli said, averting his eyes shyly.
"No, I don't," I said until I realized he was right. I never noticed that about myself.
"Right, well, I've got to go. I am probably going to start painting today, so you might see me in a bit," Eli said, rising and heading to the door.
"Wait," I said, grabbing his arm for only a moment before releasing it like it was scalding hot.
Eli glanced at my hand for a moment, then at his arm, before he, too, blushed crimson.
"I just wanted to say thank you again. For last night, I mean. Well, what I mean is I appreciate it," I said, my eyes downcast in, for some reason, shame. Like he had seen me at my weakest and it weighed on my gaze appropriately.
"It was nothing, besides I didn't get much sleep with your constant snoring," Eli said, laughing at me.
"I so don't snore," I said, swatting at him but unable to control a smile creeping up onto my face.
After Eli left, I felt instantly colder, my eyes kept returning to the scarecrow. I grabbed my camera from upstairs and went out to the yard. I scanned the dirt for anything out of the ordinary. There was no blood, or anything on the dirt where the scarecrow stood just last night. I slowly made my way to the scarecrow, but nothing happened. I snapped a photo of the inanimate object, and it didn't even flinch. I poked it, but all I felt was straw underneath its clothes. I removed its mask, expecting a severed head, but it was just straw. Nothing was here but straw. I dropped the mask on the ground and took another photo proving it was just straw and nothing else.
An idea struck me as I regarded the source of my torment. If I planned to stay even one more night here, I needed to do something about this scarecrow. I rooted around in the barn, a series of tools hung from nails in the wall. On one hung what I was searching for. An old rusted shovel with a dirty wooden handle that was worn smooth from use.
I returned to the side of the barn beside the scarecrow, knowing for whatever reason this thing only came when night fell and didn't react at all when I moved or touched it during the day.
Before my morning coffee had even settled, I began to dig at the dusty earth, loose and easy to dig, it came away in shovelfuls. Within an hour, I had a fair-sized hole in front of me. Sweat dripped from my brow, and when I wiped under my eyes, they came away black from last night's makeup. Glancing at the field of grass and knowing Eli could appear at any time, I decided to head inside and shower. The hot water was a godsend, and I lingered for longer, letting the water drain down my head and back, my eyes closed, trying to forget the images from the last two nights. I should just pack up my car and leave right this minute. But how could I explain this to my family? I decided to go through with my plan and bury the scarecrow. I could last one more night if I prepared for it.
I left the shower and dressed modestly, in another one of my old rock t-shirts and a pair of shorts. I returned to the yard and with a satisfying push, I dropped the scarecrow into the pit. It fell with a nice thud, and I smiled at my power over it in the day; it's just at night when I should fear it.
As I threw the first shovel of dirt back on top, I heard a noise in the grass, and it parted, revealing Eli wearing the same pair of jeans and work boots, but he had changed his shirt to a plain black one. In each hand, he held cans of paint and a brush.
"Should I even ask why you are burying that old scarecrow?" He asked as he came to stand beside me.
"Probably best if you didn't," I admitted, leaning on the shovel.
"Well, I'm going to anyway. Polly, why are you burying that old scarecrow?" He asked, a rare smile coming to his face.
"Because it's been haunting me at night," I said bluntly.
"Mhm, yeah, okay. Fine, don't tell me. I've been meaning to get rid of it anyway, but normal people take things to the landfill," Eli said with a smirk as he turned to the house and began setting up for his painting.
I finished burying the scarecrow and stomped the dirt down flat. I finished my job by moving my car and parking it directly over top of the spot where I buried it.
Eli watched me curiously but didn't remark. I returned the shovel to the barn and went out into the yard. I decided to go for a hike around the property. I needed some time alone to think and unwind.
As I made my way through the grass, it began to confuse me. This had obviously been a large farmland, but how had the wild plants grown in such a thick, endless maze of greenery?
It gave me an eerie feeling, like I was being watched as the grass covered three-quarters of my body, like there would be something lurking out in the grass, crouched low, waiting for me.
After a half-hour or so, I came upon a clear lake, only big enough to be considered an old swimming hole, I thought as I dipped my hand into the cool water.
I took off my outer clothes and decided to go for a swim. I lowered myself in slowly and reveled at the cool water. The pond wasn't deep, but the water was clean. A small rope swing had been hung from a large oak tree that bordered the pond. It also provided a nice layer of shade that made it the ideal spot to spend the day. I floated on my back in the water for what seemed like hours. The day seemed to slip away from me. A small beach of sand sat at one side of the pond, so I lay out in the sun and closed my eyes. The warm day warmed my soul, and soon I felt myself drifting off into sleep.
I awoke to the sound of crickets and darkness. I couldn't believe it. I had slept through the day; the long nights had finally caught up to me, and now I was stuck far away from the farmhouse. I didn't know if my plan with the scarecrow had worked, and this wasn't the place to test my theory.
A full moon lay overhead, casting a silvery glow on the world before me. A sea of grass swayed gently in the wind, sending shivers down it in shuddering waves. I looked around, but I was thankfully alone, just the crickets chirping along melodically as my only companions.
I had to make it back to the house, so I started on my way, my hands trailing along the tall grass. The pale light played easily on the deep green grass. Step by step, I made my way back towards the farmhouse and the barn, throwing caution to the wind, and I started to jog along, anything to get back faster. I would have to find Eli; maybe if we were together, he could stop it like before.
If I thought the field was creepy during the day, by night, it was a whole new world. Every sound made my heart stop for a beat before restarting in protest. When all of a sudden, the crickets stopped chirping. I dropped to my knees, letting the long grass cover me from sight. Through the strands, I could make out a shape moving slowly through the tall grass, the swish of the plants as it made its passage through them. My heart dropped. Was this Eli looking for me, or was it the scarecrow come for me?
That's when I heard a voice, a voice cutting through the silence. It started off quiet and raspy as it sang an eerie children's song.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
I was frozen to the spot. It hadn't found me, but it knew I was in the grass somewhere. Now, with each word, chewed up and spat out like it was unhappy with it, now it was accompanied by the whistle of something in the air and a slicing sound as it cut through the grass around me.
It finished another round of its song, but now it stood within feet of me, its blade whistling as it cut. I took a moment to ready myself, and as it raised its blade to cut through the grass I hid in, I dashed out of my hiding spot and slammed into it. But nothing resisted me; I fell through it like it was a ghost.
In a tangle of limbs, I landed hard on the ground and tried quickly rolling to my feet. The blade of its weapon pierced the earth beside me. Now I could see it was a two-handed scythe the scarecrow carried, but something was off, its hands were human. Pale milky skin like a newborn baby. I had little time to examine the creature except for the canvas bag over its head. Two large black eyes came out of the slits that leaked a dark red blood like tears.
It screeched loudly and swung its scythe, but it was slow, and I took off through the grass in the direction of what I hoped was the farmhouse.
I completely gave up all pretense of hiding and sprinted as fast as I could without looking back. The grass seemed to part for me as I ran in terror. I was just glad that in high school, I had taken track as it was paying off now.
I could hear the noise of footsteps behind me, but I never turned. I ran and ran until my lungs felt like they were going to burst Something silver flashed to my left, and I tripped over something hard and unexpected. The wind was driven from my lungs as my chin slammed hard into the earth. I scrambled back, trying to escape, but the scarecrow was on me, its blade flashing angrily in the pale moonlight.
I wanted to move, I wanted to fight, but my body was weak and unable to catch its breath, and I lay there helpless as it swung its scythe towards me. I closed my eyes in fear, but I only heard the thud of dirt before I opened my eyes. The scythe was discarded, and the scarecrow stood staring at me.
It seemed to be struggling with something, one hand reached out towards me only to be snapped back to its side. A roar of rage pierced the canvas sack over its head as it struggled against its invisible bonds. For a moment, I thought I saw something behind it, three sets of hands holding it back. One feminine in nature, and the other two must have belonged to children. In a flash, I saw a beautiful woman who looked vaguely familiar with her long brown hair and plain dress.
"Run," she moaned as the scarecrow swung around wildly.
I didn't hesitate and fled, my breath had returned, and while my body still ached from my fall, I powered on, knowing this was the only respite I would receive tonight.
In the distance, I could see a small sheet metal shape; Eli's trailer was slowly coming closer as I ran, and I beelined it for the trailer. I could hear the footsteps behind me again as the scarecrow resumed its chase after me.
I reached the old trailer and banged on the door as loud as I could; I rattled the handle, but it was locked.
"Eli, it's me. It's Polly, please let me in. Please," I begged as I banged over and over again on the door of his trailer.
Nothing responded to me, and the trailer was dark. The single window in the back held no life inside the trailer. From the trailer, I couldn't tell which direction the farmhouse was in the dark, so I fled into the tall grass and crouched low, watching the clearing around the trailer.
While I caught my breath, I watched the scarecrow enter the clearing, its scythe back in its hand as it circled the trailer. When its raspy voice began singing again low and quiet, only loud enough for me to hear.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The song made me shiver uncontrollably at the lyrics and the voice; it sounded demented like a crazy person letting their demons out into a nursery rhyme.
I lay perfectly still; for some reason, it couldn't find me. This creature I assumed was all-knowing seemed to have some very human weaknesses. It moved and talked like a human, even had certain body parts that were from a human; it even felt human the way it chased and reacted.
The scarecrow moved on through the tall grass, and I let out a sigh of relief as it lost my trail. How terrifying that beast was. In my pocket was the keys to my car. Eli had told me that the farmhouse was fairly close to his trailer. I had to navigate to the car, then drive as fast as I can away from this place. The fact that I hadn't left already because I was worried about money was insane. Who cares, I could drive to Barb's and demand my money back. Go home and just tell my parents the truth. The whole reason for actually leaving home this summer, why I was actually here in this field shivering uncontrollably in fear. But I couldn't think about that now, not now, there will be time to deal with that later. Now I needed to focus on staying alive, getting to the car, and getting out of here.
I went in the direction the scarecrow had; he knew the land better than I did, and every noise I made in the silence of the night made my heart drop. It took all my courage there and then to take one step forward, then another. I felt like I was going to be sick; my stomach was in knots to where it felt like even if I was sick, the only thing to come out would be only bile and stomach acid.
With each careful step, I made my way closer to the farmhouse and the scarecrow. Through the darkness, I could see my goal, the farmhouse, and the barn. Within minutes, I had made it securely to the farmhouse yard.
My car still sat in the same spot overtop of the hole where I buried the scarecrow. In the moonlight, I could see that the dirt had not been disturbed.
The scarecrow was nowhere to be seen, and I cautiously made my way to my car, my keys in my hand as I approached the driver's door. I hadn't locked the car, and it opened on the first try. I turned on my car as quietly as I could, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
Something landed heavily on top of the roof of my car, making it dent inwards slightly. With horror, I saw the scarecrow swing its scythe into the back window of my car. With a crash, the glass shattered inwards; I put my car into gear and roared away down the lane. In my rearview mirror, I couldn't see anything, so I swerved back and forth, trying to shake the creature from the roof of my car when the scythe crashed in through the front window, making a hole just large enough for it.
The glass spidered, and I couldn't see out the window very well. I swerved down the road, but the scythe remained in the car, allowing the creature purchase. In a panic, I spun my wheel wildly, trying to dislodge it, but I lost control, and soon felt something crash into the front of my car. The airbag went off in my face, and I hadn't been wearing my seatbelt. I slammed hard into something else, and my vision went dark. I was in a daze; I must have passed out because I don't remember a lot of what happened next. I felt the car door open with a crunching tear, and it landed loudly as it was torn off. My body being grabbed and tossed on the ground. I felt no pain, just a gentle numbness. I felt blood on my head as I raised my arm to touch my face.
Then just blackness, complete, and empty just feelings, fear, unease, sadness. My eyes opened, and the scarecrow was overtop of me. Pain on my chest and my vision went dark again. Coughing as something poured down my throat. I couldn't breathe, why couldn't I breathe?
My eyes opened one last time, and I saw the scarecrow pouring a dark liquid from its mouth directly into my mouth and eyes. My vision was red and bloody before I closed them one last time.
The words of its song echoed into the emptiness of my thoughts.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek?
The world it claims that I be not clean.
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see,
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The darkness enveloped me, and I felt myself slipping away, the sounds of the night fading into oblivion.
Day 4
When I awoke, it was morning, and I found myself lying in a hospital bed. My head throbbed with pain, and my body ached all over. The memories of the terrifying night flooded back to me, and I shuddered involuntarily.
A nurse entered the room, her kind eyes filled with concern. "You're awake," she said softly, her voice gentle like a soothing balm. "You're lucky to be alive. You were found unconscious by the side of the road next to your car. Do you remember what happened?"
I tried to speak, but my throat felt raw and dry. I croaked out a few words, barely audible. "The scarecrow... it attacked me..."
The nurse frowned, her brows furrowing in confusion. "Scarecrow? What scarecrow?"
My heart raced with panic as I realized the truth. Had it all been a nightmare? But the pain in my body felt too real, the memories too vivid to be mere hallucinations.
I tried to explain, to tell her about the terrifying creature that had pursued me through the night, but she only looked at me with concern, as if I were delusional.
"I'll get the doctor, and there is a young man who brought you in. He has been here all morning," the nurse said with a sly wink.
After a few minutes, she came back with Eli and a doctor, both of whom smiled gently at me through the window. The doctor came in first and went over my health with me. I had a concussion and bruises all over my body. A generous-sized cut from some glass on my scalp had been stitched and bandaged. My mind flashed back to the night before. How the scarecrow had filled me with its gooey red blood.
"Did you find anything else?" I asked cautiously, trying to avoid another scandal like with the nurse.
"No, as long as you have someone to pick you up and take you home, you are free to go. That nice young man out there said he would take you back home," the doctor said, pointing to Eli as he rose with a slight grunt.
I glanced at Eli, and he waved uncertainly at me. The doctor went out and began talking to Eli for a few minutes.
While I waited, my mind began to have strange thoughts. Something was wrong; I felt weird. My vision turned red, and I began to see images before my eyes.
The Harmons. They flashed before my eyes in real-time—the husband hugging his wife, then swinging his kids around, chopping wood outback next to the barn while his wife cooked in the kitchen.
As Eli entered the room, the visions stopped suddenly. Like my saving angel for the third time now, I was extremely grateful to Eli.
"Heyyyyy," Eli said, elongating the word in a sort of familiar yet awkward way.
"Hi," I said, closing my eyes and letting my embarrassment pass in only a few seconds.
"Why is it that fifty percent of the times we meet, you're in serious trouble?" Eli asked, coming to sit on the edge of my bed.
"Oh, you know me, bad luck, I guess," I said simply, becoming aware that under my blankets, I was in a backless hospital gown, and he was inches away from me.
I pulled the blanket up to my chin as a sort of cover for my appearance, but Eli didn't seem to notice. He continued talking to me. It was actually really sweet the way he seemed to care for me.
"Anyways, the doctor said I could take you back to the farmhouse to rest," Eli said.
"No," I said suddenly, becoming serious.
"What? Why not?" Eli asked.
"I just, I just can't right now. I'll tell you later. Just, we can't spend the night anywhere near the farm," I said, grabbing him by the arm, hoping to sway him.
"Well, I mean, if you want, we can grab your stuff, and my house can literally go anywhere," Eli said in an offhand manner, as if he had expected this.
"Promise?" I asked, trying not to seem too afraid.
Within the hour, we had returned to the farmhouse. The hole I dug was still covered over, and I stared at it as we parked in Eli's black pickup truck.
I ran inside and quickly got changed into my only clean clothes, grabbing everything I had from the farmhouse. I paused at the dinner table, looking down at the photographs of the Harmons and thinking back to that weird moment in the hospital with that odd vision.
The day was getting longer, and I hurried back to Eli, waiting in the pickup truck. I threw my bag in the back and climbed in beside him. He smiled and backtracked down the lane. We turned to the left and went down a side road where we came upon my poor old car. It had crashed directly into a tree, and the whole front part of the car had been destroyed. Fluid leaked all over the road, and I almost shed a tear for my departed friend. We had traveled far together. I grabbed a few things from the car, but something was off about the car. The front door had been knocked off and was discarded on the far side of the road. It looked impossible; the door hadn't even hit the tree.
Eli hooked his truck up to his trailer, and we sped off, leaving the property behind us. We headed into town and found a pullout on the side of the road with a set of bathrooms to camp at for the night. Eli's trailer was messy but cozy. He had laundry strewn over most surfaces, but it didn't smell bad.
The room consisted of a small kitchen with a bed in one corner. There were also a lot of posters and artwork on the walls. I examined one of a pretty girl with long raven-black hair. It was a realist painting, obviously taken from real life.
"Who is this?" I asked as Eli made us some food.
"That is just a friend," Eli said, glancing at the painting he had done.
"Well, she is a pretty friend," I said, enjoying watching the back of his ears turn bright red.
"Dinner's ready," he said, pouring the mixture of food he had made onto a pair of plates.
Eli served me and handed me a can of Coke to drink. I thanked him and sat on his bed. It was the only serviceable piece of furniture in the whole trailer. We both sat in silence for a moment while we ate. I could tell something was bothering Eli as he kept making glances toward me.
"What? What is it, Eli? Just say it," I said between bites.
"Tell me what happened, Polly. Tell me why you were burying the scarecrow, why you were passed out in the road with straw in your hair. Tell me why you were muttering about the Harmons and a scarecrow when I found you," Eli said suddenly, as if he were unloading a machine gun.
I looked Eli square in the face and relented. I told him about the last couple of nights at the farmhouse, about how the scarecrow had been tormenting me every night. About how he had saved me and how last night I had fled through the fields to his trailer and then to my car. I told him about the vision I had about the Harmons in the hospital. By the end of it, I was in tears. I felt so foolish and childish.
Eli took it in stride. He asked a few questions during my retelling, but by the end of it, he was silent. Tears fell down my face and landed in my lap. We had both put our plates on the counter, and Eli hugged me. He put his arms around me, and I nuzzled into his shoulder, feeling comforted again in him at the lowest points of my life.
With a gentle hand, he wiped away my tears, and I smiled, letting a nervous laugh escape my lips. I looked up into his face and felt his stare before I saw it. His pale blue eyes shone with comfort, and then his lips were on mine as he kissed me quickly before pulling away slightly.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. That was insensitive of me. You're sad, and I took advantage of that," Eli said, moving back slightly.
"Shut up," I said, and grabbed his shirt, bringing him back in.

Posted this in another sub as well. People were kind. But I'd like some more viewpoints, especially from girls. So, re-posting it here as well.
Hey everyone. I am a 29, M and just entering into this dating stuff. I know it's kinda late but would like to know your suggestions about something.
For the first time from dating perspective, I just talked to this girl on reddit and she was very sweet. She asked some details about me and had some filters which I honestly answered. But there was this one thing which she asked- what my filters were or if she is good for me or did I ask her out just because I am lonely?
I told her honestly this "To keep it short, I couldn't afford to go to college. I had to get a job right after my 12th and have been in a job ever since, barring some period in between. So, I never went on any date. And to be honest, I never paid any attention to this aspect of life as well. And, now as you can imagine, I have trespassed into the 'marriage age'. So, before I do that as my parents want so desperately for me to do, I decided, literally this weekend, that I want to experience this. Will it turn into something meaningful? I don't know but I hope so. So, there's the reason I asked you."
Everything was well, she thanked me for being open and honest but then she said that she can't date someone without a graduation. It was a bit off putting since she didn't ask me what I did, what my job was, what other things I did, interests, nature, hobbies, nothing. I explained to her that I do have graduation from distance mode and that's why I have a good stable job. I wanted to tell her more that I am more of a self taught person if she had showed interest. But that was it from her side and I just didn't get the chance.
We are of the same age and both financially stable and both live and will live in Delhi. That's why I texted her as I thought we could be compatible and could hit it off but when I was declined for the graduation part, I felt a bit down as there was no open heart to heart conversations and that too before I could initiate some. Although I must emphasize, I really have no hard feelings towards her, not even a little bit for she was very polite and kind in declining me. I truly respect her for that.
What I want to know is how does this dating world work? I mean do girls just like these flirty type guys with cheesy lines or was I right being honest? I am not into these flings and stuff and more of a one life-one girl type person. So, are my expectations wrong in this dating world or this graduation college part too important for girls or is it something else? I just always had this habit of learning from my mistakes and correcting them so I don't repeat them. I'd love to get your feedback on this. Thanks.
P.S. Won't share the whole chat without her consent. It just wouldn't be right.

I (15F) have a friend (15F) that I've known for five years now. In 8th grade, she started vaping because of the girls on our school's volleyball team. I wasn't happy about it, but she never brought that stuff around me so I had no problem with it. In late 9th grade or the summer before 10th grade, she started talking to an old friend and started smoking weed with her. Again, she never brought it around me so I didn't say anything, even if I didn't like it. We both have a summer job in food service at an amusement park. She would tell our manager that she was coming in late with one of our coworkers because the coworker's mom is picking her up. She, the coworker, and the coworker's mom would smoke all smoke together. My friend and coworker came into work high almost every day. I wanted to distance myself, I didn't like that she would do that, but I stayed with her regardless. I never reported her to the manager or anything because I didn't want to get her in trouble. I loved her more than anything, I still do. I considered her my best friend.
Recently, she's been hanging out with people who also smoke. Sometimes at lunch she would go and talk to them for a few minutes before coming back to our table. She sits with them everyday. She left me to sit by myself. She likes her smoker friends more than me. Recently, it seems like she likes everyone else so much more than me. Around me, she doesn't talk much. But the second a mutual friend is with us, she's all talk. I texted her one night asking if she still liked me because I just needed to hear it at that point. She said she does, but I couldn't tell if she meant it or if she was just saying it. I'll be the first to admit, I'm jealous of her smoker friends. What do they have that I don't? Why doesn't she laugh or smile like that around me anymore? Everytime she asks her mom to hang out with me, her mom says no. But is it really her mom saying no? She's always able to go out with her other friends though. I don't get it. If she doesn't like me, she should just say it. I want to still be her friend, but I don't know if she feels the same way. I'm probably just being overdramatic about this, but I'm not happy. I want her back.

I'd like to make (for starters) something similar to Roland's earlier MicroComposer series, for discussion's sake let's say the MC-4, i.e., something with a one or two line text read out that will send MIDI events to several machines.
This would be for personal use only and I don't care how jerry-rigged it'd turn out looking.
I literally would be starting from scratch knowledge-wise, so even broad hints towards how this could be done. I don't know the first thing about Arduino or Raspberry if that would be the suggestion.

William was just about to scoop another mouthful of porridge and berries into his mouth when someone scooted into the seat next to him.
“Marline.” He inclined his head before returning to breakfast.
A breakfast that, prior to his teammate’s arrival, had been blissfully free of noise or interruption.
Which made sense given that the ‘rise and shine’ bell wasn’t going to ring for another thirty minutes or so. To that end, the cafeteria was near empty, but for a few servants flitting around the place as they set tables or partook of their own breakfasts.
Breakfasts that were something of a step down from what was normally served at these tables, given that the usual heaped piles of hot sausages, crisp bacon and hearty eggs were still being prepared in the kitchens.
Still, on this occasion, that was fine by William. Sure, the main reason he’d told his team to rise a little earlier than normal was to allow them to dine in peace without being harassed by the rest of the rumour hungry student body, but it was also useful in that it somewhat limited some of his more… difficult teammate’s breakfast options.
“William,” the dark elf hissed as she leaned down. “We have a problem.”
Despite his early morning lethargy, those words managed to send something akin to a shiver up his spine.
“What!? What’s the problem?” he asked as he whirled around, remembering only at the last minute to keep his voice down.
Sure, the cafeteria was relatively empty of both staff and students, but it hadn’t escaped his notice that pretty much all of them had had their eyes on him since he sat down.
“What do you mean, ‘what’s the problem?’” Marline whispered furiously into his ear. “The fucking alchemy lab blew up last night.”
“Oh, that.” She’d gotten him all worked up for nothing. “Someone’s enchantment probably went awry after being kept in storage too long.”
That was a lie and they both knew it. He’d explained to Marline in great detail why trying to gain access to his storage room was a poor idea without him present. To that end, it was obvious that someone had attempted just that.
As such, the old alchemy building was now a smouldering ruin, with dozens of academy guards and at least one member of the palace guard sifting through the rubble when he walked past.
Or at least, they’d been watching over a dozen menial servants as they sifted through the rubble.
Still, no one had been too alarmed by it. It was hardly the first time the building had been destroyed after all.
Alchemy was by its nature a fairly dangerous art.
A form of homeopathic magic that attempted to imbue objects with magical abilities by combining them with conceptually similar items, it tended to both be prohibitively expensive and notoriously unreliable.
Left eyes from forty-year-old salamanders didn’t grow on trees after all. Nor testicles from albino bulls in heat. And that was the kind of specificity one needed to create a half-decent stamina potion.
There was a reason that alchemy was gradually being phased out in favour of the slower but more reliable art of enchanting.
“Yes, very unfortunate,” Marline said through gritted teeth. “But what about ‘our’ ingredients that were being kept in the building. It might be… dangerous of someone stumbled across them in the rubble.”
Dangerous? Gunpower couldn’t explode more than…
“Oh, you’re talking about the gift we were holding for your family?” He realized.
“Yes!”
“Why didn’t you check last night?” he asked.
“...I tend to wear earplugs when I sleep,” Marline admitted reluctantly. “Given… Verity.”
William glanced towards the young woman’s long elven ears and thought about their orcish teammate’s tendency to snore like she was trying to wake the dead. The inner walls of their dorm weren’t particularly thick and Marline’s room was right next to the other girl’s.
Yeah, he could see why she might have invested in some hearing protection.
A decent set of earplugs wouldn’t drown out the noise of the morning bell, but they’d be more than capable of drowning out the distant whumph of an alchemy lab going up on the opposite side of the campus.
He momentarily wondered if the noise had caused any of his other teammates to get up, before dismissing the idea.
Strange noises in the middle of the night were far from unusual in a military academy and usually best ignored unless you had a very good reason to think they might involve you.
“Well, it’s not a problem,” he whispered. “I moved it last night before heading back to the dorm.”
The look of relief on the dark elf’s face was palpable, before it gave way to confusion. “Why?”
He shrugged. “For the same reason I booby-trapped the storage room in the first place. Once it got out that I had a mithril core – and might have had something to do with Al’Hundra’s death, well it seemed like there was a decent chance someone might go snooping around places I might want to hide something.”
And the alchemy lab was just about the first place someone would think of right after their team’s dorm room.
Fortunately for him, there were a few places that were quite impractical for hiding something long-term, but pretty ideal in the short term.
And just so long as Marline’s aunts arrived before next Welday, the mithril core would be safe.
Though as he gazed down at the bowl of porridge in front of him, he found his appetite wasn’t quite what it had been just a few moments ago.
“So where’d you hide it?” Marline asked excitedly, clearly relieved that her family’s future wasn’t currently buried in rubble.
William paused as he considered how to answer that question. Something his teammate was quick to notice.
“William,” she prompted. “Where’s my family’s core?”
He gazed down at his bowl, still thinking.
“William!” she shouted as best she could while still whispering.
“The safest place I could think of. Somewhere it’d be covered completely and no one would voluntarily look.”
“Voluntarily?” Marline said. “Covered?”
Credit where credit was due, no one had ever accused his teammate of being slow on the uptake. At least, where politics wasn’t concerned. So it was that it wasn’t long before he witnessed her expression morph from confusion to horror… to rage.
“You buried my family’s mithril core in the latrines?!” she hissed.
William scratched his chin awkwardly as he avoided her furious gaze. “More like dropped. I didn’t need to bury it because it sank on its own. Which is good given I wasn’t quite sure of the relative buoyancy of mithril in… well… you know.”
In his defence, it had seemed like a good idea at the time. Indeed, if one were to be purely objective about the whole thing, it still was. The core was safely hidden at the bottom of one of the lesser used latrine pits. The bottom mounted… storage vats of which were pulled out and emptied into the bay once a week.
It was a fairly old fashioned system, given the existence of indoor plumbing across the rest of the academy. Indeed, he suspected the latrines were only kept around to serve as a form of punishment duty for any cadets that happened to royally piss off their instructors.
“They’ll be safe there until Welday,” William argued weakly. “At which point your aunts can collect them without anyone being the wiser.”
“Collect them from the latrine’s storage vats!” Marline hissed, slamming her head into the table. “Ancestors, the future of our house is now literally swimming in shit.”
Gingerly, William moved to pat the dark elf on the back. “Ah, but at least it’s safe.”
Once more he glanced away as two silver eyes peeked out angrily from between the girl’s arms.
Needless to say, he was rather glad for the eventual arrival of the rest of their team – even if Bonnlyn chose to complain at length about the fact that she was going to be forced to dine on ‘twigs and berries’ – as opposed to the gut busting pile of vaguely food shaped grease she normally chose to partake of in a morning.
Still, at least Marline had stopped glaring at him by the time they’d all finished eating – escaping just before the first of their fellow cadets piled noisily into the cafeteria.


It was actually rather amusing, that for all that the coming match had obvious implications for the country as a whole, in theory it was simply another practice match between two groups of cadets.
To that end, there was no great ceremony as the members of Team Seven made their way through the double doors leading to the Floats. There, as per usual, stood the members of the opposing team along with an Instructor from a ‘neutral’ house.
Never mind that the great bleachers to each side of the faux-ships were filled with eager spectators when they were normally all-but bare. Or that not one of the viewing orbs bolted to the gantries overhead was bereft of the ambient glow that signified they were in use.
Half the noble houses in the country were likely watching the events that were about to unfold through those crystalline orbs. Though William had to wonder if the Queen was one of them or if she was present in person, simply hidden behind whatever magic she used to render herself and her guards invisible.
Still, as he gazed upon the spectacle around them, William couldn’t help but be reminded of just how impressive a construction the Floats were, the stadium sized building hosting not just the ships that made up the field, but room for spectators, viewing orbs, staff and a myriad other smaller facilities that each worked to allow the practice matches to occur.
With that in mind, one notable absence from the building’s usual occupants was hard to miss.
“Where are all the sailors and marines?” Olzenya asked.
“I don’t know,” William said as they continued walking towards Tala and her team. “Maybe they’re already onboard?”
He doubted it though. He’d have been able to see people moving about inside the great vessels or marching across the deck.
No, something was amiss here.
Still, he’d known there was a possibility of House Blackstone attempting something. And the absence of the Float’s usual staff was likely to be related.
Nothing for it now, he thought. Whatever they’ve done can’t be too overt.
The Principal of the Academy might have been in New Haven’s pocket – which made her an ally of House Blackstone – but even her power had limits with the Crown and half the country watching.
“Ma’am,” William said as he came to a stop before the Instructor from House Summerfield. “Team Seven reporting.”
Instructor Halfin, ironically the woman who’d first introduced his team to the floats glowered at him.
“I don’t like this,” she said without preamble, her voice raised loudly enough that it was clear she was aiming her words not just at him, but Tala and the rest of the world besides. “The Academy and the Floats are supposed to be a training environment for the future leadership of the nation as a whole. Not a pissing ground for idiotic adolescents.”
“I didn’t choose the venue, ma’am.” Even as she spoke, Tala’s gaze stayed on William.
“And I didn’t ask your opinion, cadet.” Halfin’s words were biting as she turned towards the third-year. “The only opinion that matters here is mine. Not yours. Not his. Not your mummy’s. And not the rest of these upjumped cretins.”
Her hand flew out to encompass the veritable circus that were the stands. “So, with that in mind you can believe me when I say that my only concern is getting through this farce as efficiently and as fairly as possible. I don’t give a shit about what’s on the line or who doesn’t want to marry who. All that matters to me is whether or not you have wax or paint on your breastplate or enough harpy-venom in your system to put you down for the count.”
Both Tala’s and William’s eyes widened a little at that.
“Wax, ma’am? Paint?” Tala said.
The older woman grunted. “You heard me, and that’s all I’ll say on the matter. Let it be known I’m not happy about it. Nor about the fact that half the sailors on base have apparently come down with the shits.”
Ah, so that was why the float’s usual crew was missing. Clearly the work of House Blackstone, though to what end William was yet unsure.
Are they trying to delay the match? He thought.
That wouldn’t be ideal for a number of reasons – most of which centred around it giving House Blackstone more time to sabotage him and his team. There’d been a damn good reason he chose to have their match literally a day after he challenged her.
“This has naturally affected my ability to run a normal Float match. Normally that would be grounds for delaying this whole farce,” Halfin continued, tone darkening as she spoke the next few words. “But it has been ‘suggested’ to me by a number of parties that doing so would be impractical. So, we shall instead be making use of one of the scenarios available to us that does not require the use of regular crewmembers.”
She gestured towards the area between the two faux ships, the football field sized stretch of land normally empty but for a few overhead nets designed to catch falling cadets.
That wasn’t the case today. Instead, the area had been filled with a tangled mess of pre-fabricated structures and various other bits of paraphernalia.
“Airship down,” the Instructor said, and after a moment’s observation, William realized that the stretch of land really did look like what you might have seen if an airship crashed into it.
Assuming said airship crashed with enough force to scatter its component parts around rather than remain as a fairly battered single object. Which, given the heights said ships could drop from, wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility.
“Our third year cadets will be familiar with this scenario, but I will explain it briefly for our first years.” Again, there was no mistaking just how unhappy Halfin was with all of this. “In short, an allied or enemy airship has crashed in neutral territory. Both sides of the conflict have dispatched a mage strike team to search the wreckage for the ship’s core so as to deny it to the enemy. Unfortunately, neither side can effectively search said wreckage until the other strike team has been completely eliminated.”
Halfin’s gaze turned towards his team. “To clarify, do not let the flavor text of this scenario fool you. There is no core within the wreckage in this scenario. The only way to win is to completely eliminate the opposing team.”
Over the woman’s shoulder, William didn’t miss the small smile that flitted across his fiancee’s features.
Ah, so that’s her game, he thought.
Oh, he didn’t doubt she would have preferred this whole engagement be delayed so as to allow her more time to stack the deck, but on short notice simply changing the scenario to this still helped her.
Theoretically.
It reduced the number of ‘wild card’ factors that might benefit him or his team. No crew members. No orbs to collect. Just a straight up fight between the two teams.
Sure, said wild cards could have just as easily worked in Tala’s favour, but given the skill disparity between the two groups, it benefited her to reduce the number of random vectors present in the coming fight.
Plus, it also had his team attempting to navigate an unfamiliar scenario.
Well played, he thought.
“Any issue with that, cadets?” Halfin said as she finished her explanation.
“None at all,” William said before the rest of his team could interrupt, noting the small pout of disappointment that flitted across Tala’s face.
She’d probably wanted him to kick up a fuss and force the match to be delayed for the reasons he’d thought of before.
Alas, she wasn’t that lucky.
No, for better or for worse this was happening here and now.
Sure, it wasn’t an ideal scenario, but he could make it work for him. It simply required him to pull out another trick that he’d been hoping to hold onto for just a little while longer.
Amusingly, Halfin also looked a little disappointed. The woman had probably wanted the match delayed on principle. It was clear both his new weapon and Tala’s interference rubbed her the wrong way.
Though as he had the thought, he was pleasantly surprised to see there was at least one woman in the academy who placed her duty as an educator and impartial judge above politics.
Indeed, if she had a reputation for such, that was likely part of the reason why she’d been selected for this match as a compromise between the Crown and the Blackstones.
“Well, if that’s all, then you’ve got ten minutes to check out your weapons and get to your starting positions.” Halfin grunted, before she seemed to remember something. “And I suppose I’ll take possession of the ‘bet’ now.”
There was no missing the disdain in the woman’s voice, which actually made William feel a bit better as he gestured over to Verity.
Unslinging the backpack she’d carried all the way over, the girl still looked more than a little awed as she unveiled the glowing metal orb. It was actually a little amusing, the mixture of relief and reluctance that crossed her features as she handed it over to the Instructor.
An instructor who was apparently not entirely carved from stone, as she somewhat reverently accepted the object.
Even the distant stands hushed down a bit as the bowling ball sized core changed hands.
Of course, it was barely a second before the moment was interrupted.
“Of course you’d have the orc carry it,” Tala grunted, her tone resigned.
Verity flinched back at the words and every other member of his team – including Olzenya leaned forward to argue – but William forestalled them all with a simple raised hand.
“Of course I did,” he said simply. “She’s a valuable member of my team and I trust her. Far more than certain other individuals present.”
A core could also be deceptively heavy despite its ability to produce lighter than air aether and he had no real desire to carry it all the way across campus. It also went unsaid that Verity was best equipped to intercept any… opportunistic thieves.
Indeed, he’d have paid to see some enterprising moron attempt to wrestle the bag holding the core off his orcish teammate on the walk over here.
It hadn’t happened of course, the possibility had always been an outlier at best, but given the stakes it had seemed better to err on the side of caution.
…It had also been amusing to see the myriad emotions that had flashed across the faces of most of the team when he quite casually tossed the bag holding the core to the orc. One would almost think he’d just thrown a baby at her.
Indeed, the only one who’d not been affected had been Marline, who’d just looked quietly resigned.
Which was still fun in its own way.
It was a little childish perhaps coming from a man ‘his age’, but that same age was what gave him the experience to know that sometimes life was about being a little silly and enjoying the small things.
And what better silly fun was there than teasing a bunch of far too serious kids by throwing around a basically indestructible ball of magical space metal?
Of course, given the flash of irritation that shot across Tala’s face, it was clear she thought his smile was an accompaniment to his taunt.
However, before she could say anything, Halfin scooped up the core. “Well, I’ll be holding onto this until the match is over. At which point I shall hand it to whomever I deem to be the victor.” For just a moment, her expression softened. “You can rest assured, both of you, that I shan’t let it out of my sight or off my person for the duration of the match. This I swear – even if I’m irritated at this whole situation.”
William and Tala both nodded, accepting the solemness of the woman’s impromptu oath.
“Alright,” she said, slinging the thing under her arm as she returned to her previous acerbic personality. “You’ve got ten minutes to collect your weapons and be at your designated spots for the beginning of the match. Anyone not in the correct place at the correct time will be considered eliminated for the purposes of this match. Dismissed.”
With her bit said, she strode away, no doubt up to the judges tower - which had an eagle’s eye view of the entire arena.
Leaving two teams of rather combative cadets behind.
Ten minutes was more than enough time to collect their gear, so William allowed himself a few seconds to simply gaze at Tala’s team.
“Finally realizing how outclassed you are, William?” Tala sneered.
It was funny, normally that kind of open disdain was beneath her. Sure, she’d yelled at him before, but to his mind that was more of an expression of frustration than animosity.
Here and now though?
She hated him.
And he revelled in it.
Not because he hated her. He didn’t. Even if they were enemies. At worst he’d say he pitied her for her ignorance and worldview.
Much like him and his otherworldly views, she was a product of her environment.
She wasn’t evil. At least not in an intentional sense. Indeed, by the standards of this world she was actually a good person.
Loyal. Dutiful. Hardworking.
Simply in service to an institution that he abhorred.
With that in mind, the reason why he relished in her disdain was simple.
It meant that he was now worthy of it in her mind. No longer an irritating non-factor that refused to play along, his actions now had consequences.
He’d earned her animosity honestly.
He was a factor. A person.
It felt good.
“Just counting the numbers,” he said. “Some part of me wondered if you might be a team member or two short.”
Indeed, the fact that he’d hoped for the murder of a young man or woman last night was something he counted amongst the least of his sins. There’d be a great many more of those to come.
Still, ignorant of his thoughts, the girl stiffened, all but confirming his suspicions as her mind no doubt turned towards last night’s explosion.
It had been her people who’d tried to raid his alchemy storage room – though it seemed she’d not been so foolish as to send anyone on her team to accomplish the job. In all likelihood the unfortunate fools who’d run afoul of his trap had likely been little more than paid off servants or some other kind of catspaw.
Irrelevant in the scheme of things ultimately and chosen for that very reason. Unfortunate, but hoping that his enemy would be a teammate or two down had ever been a long shot.
“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about,” Tala said. “My teammates are all ready and eager to serve not only me, but to honour their family names as well through that service. Though I know that’s a concept most alien to you.”
Around her, four other members of the girls team stood up a little straight, animosity burning in their gaze as they silently regarded his team with disdain.
Disdain his own team was quite happy to level back – if only out of loyalty to him.
Still, it was funny; Tala was more right than she knew. The values of this world were in many ways alien to him despite having lived here for nearly two decades.
“I suppose you’re right,” he chuckled. “To that end, I’ll see you in the arena.”
He took a moment to enjoy the look of puzzlement on his foe’s face at his placid rejoinder, before he strode away, his team falling in behind him.
Though as he walked, he made sure to turn to each of them. “Make sure to double check all of our equipment. If Tala was able to give half the Float staff food poisoning last night, I wouldn’t put it past her to be able to tamper with our equipment.”
Each of the girls nodded seriously at his words, no doubt leery of discovering a razor blade or some other such implement in one of their boots. Or that their bolt-bow had a faulty intake valve.
Indeed, the only piece of equipment William could theoretically have been sure of was that which he was currently wearing and the spell-bolts that would have been delivered clandestinely at the last minute by either Griffith or a palace guard.
And even then, what the fuck is this about wax and paint rather than rubber? He thought.
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Another three chapters are also available on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/bluefishcake
We also have a (surprisingly) active Discord where and I and a few other authors like to hang out: https://discord.gg/RctHFucHaq

Hello guys this is really a long story that I am going to make short. I know most people will say just break up or something but I am genuinely looking for advice. About 8 months ago I looked through my boyfriend’s phone and saw that he was looking up models, pornstars, and just random girls on pretty much all social media pages on a daily basis. I also found that he had texted a girl and called her pretty, as-well as attempting to flirt with another and not following through with it. At this point in our relationship I was not putting much effort into our relationship at all. I was very emotionally distant and just generally not in a good place. And all around just not a good partner and did not give him attention. I am not excusing his behavior because it’s unacceptable what he did. But I do admit that my behavior has a part in this. If you say that we should just break up then you might as-well just let it be because we already have tried, we have a lot of love for each other. We’ve discussed this over and over again, crying and screaming. I know it sounds crazy and that I am being a fool but genuinely this has changed our relationship much better. Our communication has been so open, we are more honest, our relationship is not just surface level anymore, going through this has transformed us both to see our faults as people and as partners. We are still together and our relationship has never been better. But how can I move on from the hurt and almost trauma of seeing those women. My boyfriend is autistic, he has a hard time explaining and expressing himself in general so trying to get an answer for what his thoughts were while he was doing this is nearly impossible. I believe it’s because I was not being a good partner so he was seeking comfort somewhere else. But he says it’s not that and that he can’t explain it. But not getting the explanation makes me so upset and uncomfortable sometimes. I feel so insecure about myself constantly and compare myself to other women constantly. I never have felt this way before. We have moved on for the better but I still feel resentment, I feel insecure, and I can’t fully trust him. Most of the time it’s happy and healthy but then suddenly I get this anger over it. Please give me some advice on how I can move on. He constantly tries to reassure me and apologizes, he deleted all his social media and started to go to therapy. He is genuinely trying to do better and he is putting the effort in. I have tried to be more intentional to make him feel more loved and appreciated. We have worked it out. Everything is perfect. But how can I win this internal battle?

Howdy yall, I'm a yallternative guy out here in Texas. I'm looking for a little lady I can take care of can call my own. I'm Christian, and I'd like to have a Christian partner or someone who's interested in learning about Christianity. I'd like to have some cute kids and a house on some land some day with animals. Here's a little description of me(I have a pic on my profile):
Athletic/muscular build Dark hair and mustache Fair skin, tans well Average height Good smile
Some interests I have: Video games Movies Working out Exploring Cars
Some things I'm looking for in a partner: Christian Cute Yallternative A little thicker(I like slim thick athletic girls but I also like big boobs😅) Well kept(actually showers and brushes their teeth) Not a gold digger Is okay being a future stay at home mom Is okay with pleasing me ans taking care of me while I take care of her
Just some things I like, feel free to send me a message if you're interested. Thanks for reading! :)

I helped my precious girl end her pain yesterday and I’m really struggling to cope. About a month ago, she started limping and holding her paw up. After a month of tests and things only getting worse, she was diagnosed with Feline Lung-Digit Syndrome which is a rare and very aggressive form of lung cancer that first presents as swollen and painful paws.
We made the heartbreaking decision to help her die with dignity. As a mental health professional with a history of complex PTSD, I’m no stranger to pain and loss, but this is the most painful loss I’ve ever experienced and it has truly rocked my world. I simultaneously feel like I can’t move but also like I need to crawl out of my skin. As many of you would agree, our pets are our family. We are their entire world and they are also an integral part of ours. I don’t have close bonds with a lot of humans, and she taught me so much about connection, unconditional love, and loving myself.
I’m realizing as I scroll through the posts in this community and sob with you all, we as a society do not talk about or validate pet loss enough. I want you to know that if you are grieving the loss of a beloved soulmate, whatever you are feeling is real and important and deserves to be felt. Everyone’s grief journey is different so I encourage you (and myself) to be gentle and patient with yourself, no matter who you have lost or how long it has been.
If anyone is interested, I have found a few helpful and validating resources:
HonoringOurAnimals on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/honoringouranimals?igsh=MXRsYmdydjliMDl2aQ==
Short but validating podcast episode with Coleen Ellis: https://open.spotify.com/episode/3fPBxf7y8MYgo65iyE59e0?si=DF-pcRJLRKKE8468P_7_Cg
I know this is a long post, but I would love to share a eulogy that I wrote for my girl. I have also attached pictures if interested. Thank you all for sharing your hearts and your stories. I’m feeling it with you.
https://imgur.com/a/a6iLh0E
To my sweet Eva
My baby muffin. My little lovebug. My beautiful baby girl.
When we first met, you went by the name Mrs. Weasley. You were just a little thing who had just had a couple of kittens of your own. You were residing in a room at the humane society with a bunch of other kitties. The moment I sat down, you hopped up in my lap, gazed up at me with those big blue-green eyes, and I knew you were the one. We brought you home and gave you the name Eva Marie. You quickly got to work as a professional biscuit baker, always making sure that we had fresh baked goods, even when your sharp claws made them a little spicy. As good of a baker as you were, you were an even better snuggler. You had the softest fur and the hardest headbutts I had ever felt. Your purr could be heard from across the room. You loved everyone you met, even the folks who poked and prodded you at the vet. You became a big sister when we brought your doggy brother home but you made sure we all knew that you were still the queen of the house. You loved to play with your toys but your most favorite was trash. You gave your papa and your brother baths because no matter how well they cleaned themselves, they were forever your stinky boys. You were an indoor kitty, kind of afraid of actually being outdoors, but curious enough to lounge in the window and watch the birds. I hope that your sweet soul is free and part of all the flowers and grass and trees and stars, soaking up all the sunshine you could ask for.
We loved you so hard and you loved us right back. I wouldn’t trade the time we had together for anything in the world. Thank you for blessing us with your beautiful life.

The Website is said to be part of an University, and what happened is some students of that school were harassing me in English to then post @ the school in Arabic. I have an idea of what this was about, I believe it to be related to a Fake Account Scheme, in that having them be students of that school would make them more believable when selling fake views and whatnot.
The school gives alleged students inconsistent & badly layed out documents in Google Drive (benefits Files from the ENG main page), they keep having these horrible photos of computer screens with their phones, they can't use the Print Screen Key it seems, and the text layout is very inconsistent even within one Doc. There's also what I assume to be answers to a quiz, and the answer to "Which of the following are potential benefits of entering a new market?" is "b. restraining competitors' profits", especially as the other 3 Choices are obvious negatives. Maybe my favorite is one 4-choices question where B is "All of the above", even though there's only Choice A above it, it's all insane.
By western standards, this looks very unprofessional, and navigation is also horrible as they're all linked through Google Docs, there doesn't seem to be a central hub, but since I'm not of that region, let alone the Arabic text is lost on me, I do not know what are their standards for Web Design, is it normal? They have yet to send me fishy links or hook me into a scam, but I still believe fake accounts to be a scam, which is why I'm looking for others' opinions on this Sub.

Hello, fellow veterans.
My story goes back to December 2021 when I started submitting claims for all the issues I had been experiencing. I was initially awarded 10% for my wrists, but that was the least of my issues. My PTSD, which at the time I was claiming as Anxiety, Depression, and Insomnia, was denied due to having no service connection.
I kept submitting supplemental claims and appeals because I knew that was wrong. I almost had given up, but in April 2024, I was finally rated 100% P&T for PTSD. My effective date was January 2024, so I immediately filed an HLR to review my effective date.
I used the links I found on this website to schedule my meeting. I used the conference ID that was all 9's (ex. 99999999). I logged in in the middle of the night and found many open appointments. I scheduled it for the next morning. They sent me a confirmation text saying I was scheduled. The next morning I received another text saying my "conference ID is invalid." They still sent me another message saying I was still scheduled for a call a few hours from then.
The reviewer called me right on time. She was very nice and told me she was having trouble finding me. After verifying my identity, she had me give her a little background and I told her I submitted a Form 21-4138 explaining the timeline of events and she read it with me. She agreed with everything and said she saw no issues with going all the way back to December 2021. She was going to do a little more research because I might not have been at 100% the whole time, but that it would be better than nothing. She also said she'd have a decision for me by COB today, or tomorrow at the latest.
I was very pleased with my interaction and how quickly it was processed. Thank you for all the knowledge in this sub and all of you. Don't lose hope. Keep trying. It is possible. God bless you all.

I’ve been searching the sub but I haven’t yet found what I’m looking for:
A horromystery plot with the monster as the actual villain and NOT the love interest. Preferably a group of people/ the MCs trying to solve the mystery and falling in love while doing so.
I love some scary vibes, think small town in the woods/lots of fog/remote area kind of feels.
Steamy/explicit scenes are appreciated but not required. Please help a girl out!
(Also just in case anyone knows what I’m talking about: the app „Choices“ there’s a story called „It lives in the woods“ those kinda vibes)

Just ranting here… my 13yr old son and his BFF since 3rd grade had a falling out a few months ago. This kid was such a part of our family I was literally looking at mattresses for him since he stayed over so much. He got very religious, and we are not. He started telling my son who struggled with his weight (pre puberty, he’s thinned a lot in the last few months) that “gluttony is a sin”. My kid started pushing back, and finally uninvited bestie from his bday.
They haven’t recovered yet. There’s a third friend in this group that is still friends with each individually and he told my son that while at the other boys house the mom said my son is “trash”. I have no clue what version of the story she knows, but I do know I keep a closer eye on my son than she does (reiterating here that my experience is from 3rd-7th grade. I 100% monitor my kid harder than she does) and my version is told through the text messages I read with my own eyes.
But either way, talking shit on a 13yr old to their friend feels so cruel. I’m so angry, and there’s nothing I can do besides continue to build my kid up and tell him how proud I am for him standing up for himself.
It’s not hard to be a grown-up, and I wish some of these parents were better at it.

First off, I just want to express how thankful I (32, F, USA) am to everyone who contributes to this subreddit. Reading your stories has helped me immensely in dealing with these issues and made me realize that I am not alone in dealing with this. I’m so happy I can finally say to this group — it gets better.
If you’ve seen any of my previous posts, BFS is/was not my sole diagnosis. I also have a condition called functional neurological disorder (FND) which essentially causes the brain to send incorrect signals to the rest of the body, causing a multitude of symptoms that can be very disabling. After being previously very healthy and fit, my symptoms started with weakness in the legs in early 2023 and progressed to bodywide weakness, widespread near-constant muscle twitching, cramps, and gait issues about six months after. At 9 months, I had a chronic cough, breathing difficulty, no voice, and frequently was choking on food. I was using a combination of a cane and wheelchair to get around because my legs always felt like jello and were hard to move.
After months of medical stress and hospitalizations, being treated for the wrong condition (MG), and being bounced between neurologists, I finally went to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville in December 2023, had my third and final EMG, and was given the dual DX, starting my road to recovery.
Since I visited Mayo, I have been doing absolutely everything in my power to manage these issues and not let them stop me from living my life. I still work full-time, take care of my child, and manage to run my household though I’ve had to make a few adjustments and beef up my support system. I also do PT, swimming, and take a multitude of supplements (B12, D, CoQ10, magnesium, lions mane, and GABA). I started taking 40 MG of cymbalta about 2 months ago which has led (in combination) to a huge improvement in symptoms.
I am still dealing with a lot of the same issues but overall I have gotten a great deal better - my voice/breathing/swallowing issues have almost resolved entirely. I'm told there’s no secret standard recipe but for me personally using GABA with SSNRI really helped my get over the initial hump. Once I was able to see that my symptoms were not in fact progressing and that I did not have a deadly incurable disease, things started to improve more quickly. I still use a cane to walk ~50% of the time and a wheelchair in certain situations where I anticipate an issue (i.e grocery stores or airports where there’s a lot of sensory input). When it’s quiet and my mind is at peace, I can even walk for about an hour at a time now (slowly and awkwardly).
Having some perspective now, I absolutely hated it (and still do!) when doctors would say, “it’s just anxiety” or some variation of the phrase. I do not consider myself an anxious person. I do not feel anxious and mentally I appear extremely cool, calm, and collected. It didn’t make sense and I assumed my doctors were just gaslighting me, which is in fact a very common experience for women. BUT — I’ve come to realize this is precisely the issue and it's way more than anxiety. My brain has somehow entered such a profound freeze response that I can barely blush without spiraling into a new physical symptom of maladaptive processing. Even being conscious of this, I can’t control it at all. I've come to realize that I am chronically, deeply, and malignantly overstimulated and stressed from ignoring and suppressing my own physical, emotional, and sensory needs for WAY too long and my entire nervous system is on a hair trigger.
I regret to inform you that I still twitch — it seems nothing can make this stop entirely. I just kind of don’t care as much— it doesn’t really distract me or cause me to worry— it’s just as annoying and weird as it’s always been. I also started having tremors and seizures at night recently which is really scary but benign and related to FND, per neurologist. I plan to start working with a psychiatrist to get a better handle on these issues and making some further lifestyle changes.
Wishing you twitchers all the best in your journey and recovery— I probably won’t post as much here as I’m trying to not over-focus on medical issues but just wanted to drop in and give you an update since many of you have reached out in DMs. Some advice — look for times when your symptoms are better and work with those moments to prove to yourself you can improve and that there is variability. Find a doctor that you trust and that takes you seriously, even if it takes 10 tries.. a lot of them mean well but are also kind of awful at communication. Have testing done if it puts your mind at ease but don't assume it is incorrect when it yields nothing. Stop googling. Take a walk in nature and hug your family.
It will be okay!!!

I 21F am dating my coworker and best friend M25 and i don’t know how to break it off.
So back in fall of last year i broke up with my long term 4 yr boyfriend (M21)and since then i feel like my life’s been falling apart. he was really the only boyfriend i’ve had longer than a month or so, so we kinda went through all of highschool and our young adult life together. he was my person, i had no doubt i was going to spend my life with him and never really imagined what i would do if we broke up. i just knew we had resentment in the relationship from past stuff he did and i wanted a break to heal from it so i didn’t just take it out on him. in that time at the beginning i had people in my life i thought we’re helping me do that the right way, but if anything all of them just led me away from him and i made rlly poor decisions. i know i’m a bit blind to what he’s done and i have good people in my life now that show me that but i feel like everyone makes mistakes and i did too. i feel bad cause i said some hurtful things when i found out some stuff and everyday i wish i could tell him i’m sorry for it. i know i shouldnt feel the longing i feel for him while i’m in a relationship but my current boyfriend was one of the people i had in the beginning. the people i thought knew best cause they had life experience. although he was always by my side and held me through my hurt, i told him i wanted nothing like that with him and i was still healing. eventually i had to move out of my ex’s and i’s house and one of those friends at the time wanted to move out aswell. we roomed after my lease ended and pretty immediately this guy i’ve never met in the ten years i’ve known her starts living there. not just visiting all the time or sleeping there, living. mind you this home was 90% furnished with my stuff cause she wasn’t moved out on her own for the past few years like i had. he home while she’s not, constantly showering, cooking with my food and dishes, and i’m an open book i love sharing my home and life plus he was nice to her so i didn’t really care. but after the bills shot up a combined 200+ since the month before he wasn’t living there i asked if he couldn’t maybe clean and pay maybe 2-300 w month. she wasn’t happy with that and it caused some other fights, her threading me, putting photos of my neck slashed on the walls. i eventually had to get her mom involved cause she would block and unblock me to send nasty texts and we agreed she needed to live back home since she couldn’t qualify on her own anyways. i had to get another roommate and take over and atp my now boyfriend insisted. now i’m in a lease living with him.
i know it sounds horrible but i don’t know what to do. he’s great to live with and him helping me around the house has been such a huge stress reliever. but it doesn’t make my feelings just go away. everytime i would mention how i don’t feel comfortable being in a relationship he would say “it’s ok i understand” then invited me to his grandparents. i would say i need more time but then he would ask why he wasn’t enough. after a while everyone kept shitting on him for moving in with me while not being in a relationship. it wasn’t him ever “not being enough” it was me just not over my ex. and i keep trying to tell him that. little by little i tell him im unhappy, im miserable, i don’t want to live in this house. but every time he says we will get though it together and i just need more time. but i’ve been feeling like this for months. i have no one to really talk to about it and i’ve just been trying to wait it out, for it to get better, but it’s not.
so i I know what i need to do and what i want to do i just don’t know how. there’s so many thoughts and possibilities going on in my head. if i break up with him we work together so i see him everyday, we live together so i’ll either have to have him live in the other room or move out, but i don’t have the money to live by myself so i can’t even afford for him to move out. oh and he also doesn’t drive so i don’t know how he would afford all the ubers home, and i would most likely just take him to and from like i’ve been doing out of empathy. and what if he moves out and we are still working together? how would he ever get another job if he doesn’t have a car? i also just feel really bad. i think about how to let him down easy so he can be ok with it but there’s just no way. i know why people in movies act like jerks before so the other person isn’t so hurt but i know from experience that doesn’t work. he’s a great guy and rlly sweet i just didn’t want this.
i feel trapped. i don’t know what to do

Video Guide

TL;DW:

It's about that time of year again. Every so often, we add another 1000 or so people to this subreddit and many of them want to fly with a wingman but aren't sure how to accomplish that.
Despite my best efforts to explain it just about everywhere I can find places for text, the message doesn't get through to everyone.
So, after neglecting it for a LONG time, I finally sat down to just make a whole ass video dedicated to finding a wingman to fly Sim with.
Flying with a buddy on comms can turn a good night of flying into a GREAT night of flying. Being saved by your friend is an awesome feeling, only really surpassed by being able to return the favor!
Unfortunately, Reddit is not a great tool for live interactions. It is simply too slow, operating in the realm of hours; but you need somebody to fly with NOW!
So, we have a Discord
You might hear people calling this the "WingalingDragon" discord... but I assure you, it doesn't belong to me. I may have built it, and I might manage it... but I didn't make it to serve my selfish purposes. I built it for YOU! It is OUR Discord.
The Discord requires no membership, registration, following commitment, nor for you to be in a squadron. I refuse all monetization and sponsorship efforts. I have also removed my name from the server to remove any sense of bias or fandom.
Users from all over WT who enjoy Sim find themselves there, because it is the largest single Discord for WarThunder Sim... and if you're looking for people who want to fly with a mic... that is most of them are!
But how do you get to flying with them?

THERE IS A "LOOKING FOR GROUP" (LFG) FUNCTION!

The Discord itself doesn't subscribe to the usual "mass notifications" of other servers. I will never @everyone you. EVERYTHING IS OPT-IN ONLY!!!
This means if you want to hear notifications of people forming groups to fly... all you've got to do is head to the #lfg-roles-looking-for-group section and select the appropriate roles that fit your need.
You aquire these roles by reacting to the appropriate category that matches what you want to do!
There is all sorts of stuff (ground Sim, air Sim, IL2, DCS, etc... and more can always be added if the community wants it!)
Once you have the roles, you're free to use them to shout out into the ether. This will allow tons of other users, who have also opted-in, to hear your call and respond.
Just don't spam the roles, please! (This annoys people and degrades the system for everyone)

Listen for LFG calls!

However you want to do this. I've got discord on my phone with notifications. So I get a little message everytime somebody makes a call. I'm not always available to fly... but when I am, I try to hop in with them. So if you see other users flying... don't hesitate to jump in!
But what if nobody is flying or the people flying aren't doing what you want to do?
Just send out your own LFG call to the server and describe what you're after!

Okay, I made an LFG call... now what?

This next step is HYPER-CRITICAL. You have to make it super easy for people to find you... you do that by making yourself available.
CREATE YOUR OWN VOICE CHANNEL!
The discord can host an unlimited amount of Voice Channels. It expands and contracts in real time based on demand.
To create a voice channel, you simply go to the game category that you're playing (WT, IL2, DCS) and click the

HUB - Join to create

This will force our bot to open your voice channel and move you into it. Once that is done, the bot will also make you the moderator of your voice channel. This means YOU ARE THE BOSS!
You can set the rules in your VC however you see fit. Want to limit the users? Force Push to talk? Make yourself a priority speaker? Kick somebody out if they're being annoying? Whatever... up to you. If it is your VC, you're in charge.
If people don't like your VC, they can leave and make their own VC.
Once you've made a VC and sent a LFG call, you simply give our community time to hear and respond. Remember that it takes time for people to boot up their PCs, patch their game, hook up their VR headsets... so don't expect people to jump in instantly. Just get to flying and hang out in your VC while you wait for a wingman.
The more people we get familiar with LFG and signed up, and the more users we have using the system correctly... the better it works for everyone!
Keep in mind that not everyone will have your aircraft, nation, or tier... so if you're having trouble finding people to fly something super specific... try to be flexible with your LFG calls.
"I'm flying EC8 right now, but I'll fly whatever you want. I just want to fly with a wingman"
Stuff like that will go a long way toward getting people to show up!
After you've had your fun and are ready to Hangar your planes for the night... simply disconnect from the VC and the bot will come behind you after a minute to clean up and close down all the empty VCs. So no need for you to do janitorial duty, it is all taken care of for you!
Another great way to find and meet the community is to show up to our regularly scheduled community events, held on our Event Discord
These are more causal custom games where we all just dick around in big ass formations and have a good time recreating history or amassing fantastic raids. That is our sister server, run by the familiar Krab_Nation. We are always looking for community input on events to build and fly... so if you have thoughts on that stuff, share them on the event discord!
That's about all there is to it. It's not terribly complicated, but it isn't common knowledge.

IF YOU SEE PEOPLE STRUGGLING TO FIND A FRIEND TO FLY WITH

Please take the time to explain the discord to them, or direct them to me so I can do so!
Let's face it guys... Sim is just more fun with a big group of people. The more people we can get flying together, the more fun we can all have.
Being able to create lobbies... or have awesome coordinated battles shouldn't be some streamer privilege... so I've worked really hard to give as many tools as I can to the community so that they can enjoy sorties the same way I do... with a sky FULL of like minded pilots who want to fly, fight, and win! EVERYONE has the power to get involved and watch somebody else's six. Don't fly alone!

TL;DR:

Go to Discord
Navigate to #lfg-role-looking-for-group
Select the tags that fit your needs.
Listen for other people calling out tags, and join their voice channels
Or
Send out a message mentioning the appropriate @LFG tag THEN create a voice channel by clicking
HUB - Join to create
This will force a bot to create a voice channel for you and the bot will move you into it.
Fly around while connected to voice channel and greet any new pilots who pop in to say hello.
Have fun!
^o7
-Dragon

Hello everyone, I'm new around here. This seems like an accepting community and a safe space to talk about my worries, so I'd like to share a few things that have been bothering me for a long time. I'm a 28 y/o trans girl who experienced a lot of trauma growing up. I was raised by an emotionally unstable mother who couldn't properly take care of me and always struggled with finances. Starting at 13-14, everything went downhill. School was hell on earth because I couldn't hide my discomfort from others, so I had to deal with constant bullying and mental abuse for many years. Now that I'm almost 30, I genuinely feel like I've been robbed of my youth. I want to know what it's like to be a normal girl with normal experiences and get to live out my teenage dreams. I've been obsessed with this idea and crying myself to sleep, hoping to turn back time or at least find a way to appear younger to others. This could very well be classified as age dysphoria, so that's why I'm here. I guess I'm looking for a way to relive my teenage years now to cope with my past, but I'm not even sure if that's possible. More than anything, I need some comfort and advice right now. Thank you for reading this unreasonably long wall of text.