How to cure a hungry stomache ache

This is my first time sharing my query on this subreddit and I want to know thoughts. I've workshopped it several times and gotten 2 personalized rejections but mostly forms and zero requests. Would love to know if the problem is that query. The sample (I'll leave it below) or if the premise isn't just interesting or the industry is subjective.
I've sent these out to agents as well but as said, no requests just yet.
Dear Agent,
I am pleased to present A FOREST DIVIDED, a 94,000-word sapphic dual-POV YA dark fantasy. It is set in a fictional kingdom inspired by Nigerian culture. This book has themes of a magical outcast found in Namina Forna’s THE GILDED ONES, and a found family similar to Jordan Ifueko’s RAYBEARER.
Hope has risen from the dead with no memory of what happened when she entered the divided forest of Fear and Joy. Her thirst for answers leads her to a witch in the Forest of Fear who offers Hope dark magic power with the potential to corrupt her. Knowing the dark magic will stay forever, Hope reluctantly accepts the offer.
Avi is Hope's love interest who refuses to act lady-like despite pressure from her mother. She’s a rebellious archer who keeps her friends alive in the forest until a rodent bite poisons her. It corrupts her mind with dark magic, slowly stripping her humanity and making her a magic entity. She goes to the witch in the Forest of Joy who tells her that only dark magic can heal a dark magic corruption.
Hope, learning of Avi’s corruption, uses her powers to heal Avi on a condition. Avi must never give in to anger or fear as those are the emotions that dark magic thrives on. If Avi gives in, Hope will lose the only girl she has ever loved. With all the anger she has stored up, a corrupted Avi is a dangerous Avi.
I was a runner-up in the 2023 Revpit competition. I'm a young neurodivergent black bisexual writer. I’ve published poetry and short stories in Nigerian magazines. I also have an interest in history, geography, and science.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Enifome Ray Ukuame (they/he/)
SAMPLE:
ONE - HOPE My nostrils burn from the putrid odor of decay in the air. Tree trunks and tops curve to form an open arch with no door a few feet from me. That’s the entrance to the forbidden forest. A prickle of unease ruses over my skin. How am I outside when I went in there with my friends? How long did I sleep?
My legs itch. It could be from the pests that bit me or the lush grass. Rising from the ground, I rub my eyes and clean the pricks off my mid-length flared skirt and short-sleeved top. My box braids itch from the poison ivy on the floor.
I smack a mosquito on my leg. Its blood splatters across my hand. My gaze drifts to my wrist which is devoid of cowrie shells. A cold shock crawls up my arm as panic flares in my chest. Where'd it go? The friendship bracelet I got from Sapphire... it can't be gone.
A guttural growl rips through the silence, sending a jolt straight to my gut and a chill down my spine. "You’re just hungry, Hope, it’s your stomach," I mumble but that lie does little to quell the frantic pounding of my heart. With my senses on high alert, I tiptoe to the tree arch ahead of me.
“Zara!” I call for my older step-sister from outside the forest. Leaning against the arch, I sigh and clasp my shaking hands together while waiting for her response. No one replies to me. I roughly tug on a braid when it dawns on me how far this forest is from my home in Tunebe. It’s a two-hour walk and I lack that strength.
A painful sound of biting and squeaking emanates from within the forest. The volume increases by the second, hurting my eardrums. A hairy limb grazes my arm. I shiver and a choked gasp locks in my throat. My body recoils as if struck.
Please be a human.
ALL FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED. I'VE BEEN QUERYING FOR CLOSE TO THREE YEARS AND I REALLY WANT TO SIGN WITH AN AGENT SOON ENOUGH.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGRTRt2NWZg
OK, so there's a long theory here that got deleted while I was on my phone while posting this, but I'll summarize briefly...
Kanako is The Key to Monsterkind's Salvation using Determination Extract, Because Determination is In The Ketsukane Household's Names that describe the 3 routes: "Devoted, Decisive, Determined", meaning that The Ketsukane Family is not too dissimilar from Humankind, what with their roots being based in Kitsune Folklore & Whatnot.
That aside, I think I know why...
When the Determination Extract was leveled enough to be put into Kanako at an extractable level capable of not harming a monster, Chujin had almost perfected the perfect serum to protect Monsterkind against Becoming Amalgamates when they have too much Determination in their body, the keyword being "Termination", whereas "De-termination" is the eradication of...something, depending on what, it eradicates it, "Terminating" it as if it were a terminator of sorts. I am not saying that all humans are terminators, rather that "Determination" itself is a terminator by it's own proxy of it's own usage in how it is actually used, the keywords being, "Determined", as in, willing to go the distance to accomplish your own goals, as a Player.
However, something struck me as odd when Kanako got hurt by the bubble impact by the Needle not having the air pushed out of it properly... When the air impact struck, it likely hurt Kanako the same way as if a bullet were to accidentally hurt Clover or Frisk, since Bubble Impacts CAN kill, if inserted into a normal, living being!
Such to the point where it can kill, if not handled correctly!!! There's a lewd "1000 Ways to Die" episode that explains how she died was because the woman in that episode was so horny, that a huge air bubble impacted her veins, & suffocated her using her own veins against her, ceasing bodily functions from not having enough oxygen to the brain.
Now, if Monster's Organs work anything like Monster Magic Do, it's probably because they are made out of Monster Magic, but that is a topic for another day at another time or so ago later on today probably. Right now, we need to analyze Kanako's Critical Condition of Being An Amalgamate.
The fan-animation explains that Kanako did not Melt strangely enough, & I explained why: Because Ketsukanes, much like Humans, are Determined. Determined, being a reference to UT Vanilla's "Determination", which also likely means that Kanako's Experiment Ceroba knew next to nothing about when researching Chujin's Analysis on his Experiments, likely means That Chujin Almost Found A Cure to Stop Monsterkind from Becoming Amalgamates with too much Determination! And I think I know what happened next...
Deltarune, happened, or some sort of AU of Undertale where Monsters DO IN FACT BLEED, From Being Lightners. Lightners, being, The Gods of The Darkners as well, since all Darkners are objects that exist somewhere in Deltarune. "Why am I bringing this up?", you may think I am asking myself. To answer that, we first have to Analyze What Happens to Monsterkind once the cure serum is created...
MONSTERS. BLEED. Yes, you heard me right! With enough of a minimal amount of Determination, Monsters CAN IN FACT BLEED, which would explain why Sans bleeds in Undertale as well, since Deltarune & Undertale are likely a Timeloop of events that keep unfolding & surrounding each other, if Deltarune isn't actually a type of AU Sequel to Undertale as well. The main point being that which, we as Monsterkind have an obligation to fulfill that All Monsterkind is Looked After While Being Experiments on. Meaning, The True Lab is actually a type of Hospital for Amalgamates. I can already hear many people typing as soon as they've read this far saying "But Talon! That isn't what happened! We see Monsters DIE in The True Lab!" Not really, since they are more than likely resting, since even Snowy's Mom, Snowdrake dies probably long after Undertale, as indicated by Deltarune. However, you can talk to her before beating The Pacifist Route in UT Vanilla by going back through The Underground & Talking to Her & Her Family about what's going to happen next for them right away as well!
Things are...going grimly for Snowdrake, so much that she will die if nothing is done: The context right there is the key, that "Determination... Can Kill too as well."
[Insert Genocide Determination Theory Here As Well] The point being, that when taken to the extreme, Determination CAN Kill. We also see that Clover's Level of Violence is one that is from rage, a Deadly Sin. However, it raises an interesting point in us as humans... Can we get too angry that we gain temporary Levels of Violence? Depends on how VIOLENT you are being in UT Yellow. By that I mean, COMPLETELY SLAUGHTER MONSTERKIND IN A GENOCIDE ROUTE. Otherwise known as... The Vengeance Route. Vengeance being an unlawful for violent revenge used as justification for fulfilling a sense of Justice that just "feels deserved" when done right in UT Yellow, since it feels so earned as well. In UT Red & Yellow, Clover first depletes our Hopes by Half, & then Justice Blasts us so hard, our game crashes, & our save file is erased from existence, except that Now, Clover wants us to try a Pacifist Route Instead, & calls us out when we do it again over them.
By this point, Clover is clearly trying to steer us on the right path of our own Determination using Justice, which also means that Clover only wants what's best for everyone as well, Justice for Monsterkind using Pacifism in the True Pacifist Route of Undertale R&Y or UT Vanilla as well.
Meaning that regardless of whether Clover knew about Ceroba & Kanako, one thing remains certain... With Enough Determination, Monsterkind can potentially become somewhat normal & also mortal in Deltarune, as we also see in several versions of Deltarune Yellow as well, which also means that since Kanako lives in that timeline from no Amalgamates existing, Amalgamates weren't created because The Experiments were a complete success!!! Which also means that in Deltarune, Chujin actually made the perfect Serum that Ceroba tested on Kanako to make sure if Chujin's work efforts were correct or not, regardless of if she disobeyed Chujin's Instructions to use Another Boss Monster Instead, or even just by being convinced by Kanako that IT WOULD WORK... Almost.
Kanako does not change forms as an Amalgamate, Alphys explains. She stayed the same, likely because Ketsukane's Are "Determined", meaning they have Determination! The Ketsukanes are The Key to Monsterkind's Salvation, once Kanako was discovered that she neither died nor changed forms, & remaines stable, because NOW we know that Kanako can provide a Clue as to How Much Less Determination that Monsterkind would have needed!!!
Looking again at Snowdrake, Snowdrake Monsters are actually quite large, so you'd think she'd have a lot of Determination injected into her, right? Well, you're right about that, but the key-wording is "how much", since we also know that Snowdrake, Snowy's Mom was also injected A LOT OF TIMES with A LOT...of DETERMINATION as well. Which also means that depending on the size of the mass, it must be proportional the size of the monster, just like in-real-life medicine would be applied to conduct experiments on people & animals as well, because we all know that science provides experiments with human test-subjects, which also explains Why Kanako Needed Less Determination than What She Was Given to Become More Like a Human & Be able to bleed, & also become more like a Deltarune Monster.
• • • TL:DR: Uh Oh, Spaghettios, Kanako had too much Blue Determination Lasagna for lunch, & now has a bad tummy ache from almost dying & choking on an air bubble by becoming an Amalgamate after almost dying...!
Yes, these are 4 sentences explaining what happened very shortly to Kanako in my theory, why do you ask? Thank you for reading. Hope you like my theory! ^w^

This song has become a well loved track for me. DYWTYLM is a track that sounds the most poppie compared to the rest of their catalog. One of the reasons that I love this song is because it really gives that main character euphoria. I live in a major US City and rely on public transit. That means I walk A LOT. The walk-ability of this song is top tier. The way the beat goes is always right in time with my foot meeting the pavement as I walk through the big city. Aside from the feel of the song the lyrics, as per usual, are a treat to dissect.
Within the Lore of Sleep Token I choose rest my head on an acquired understanding that Sleep is just a personification of Mental/Emotional states of being/the Self and Death. Thus is the framework of which I consume this musical offerings. The songs structure (from out understanding) as encounters with Vessel and Sleep, making the lyrics very conversational even if only one sided at times. In this song ,however, it seems almost more to be breaking that third wall in addition to its tie to the sleep lore. The more I listen to this track the more I feel like I am getting a little peak into a more pointed aspect of the mental continuum of the man behind the mask; a insecurity perhaps? Behold my theory fellow worshipers...

1. Energy is shared and never ending. Everything that makes up the stars in the sky also makes up us. Many spiritualists adopt the understanding that we are simply the universe experiencing itself over and over in different incarnations. We are each other. I am it and it is me, a philosophy I think it is safe to say that Sleep Token shares. In 2017 the band even released a single line response on social media in res posting to an article that within its headline asked (possibly paraphrasing) "What and Who the Hell are Sleep Token?" To which the band responded "We are YOU" All this to say that any relationship or battle or communication with sleep is, to me, often just directed towards the darker facets of the artist himself. Additionally it is about creating a community that can dine in darkness together.
2. So why would I suspect that a fourth wall is broken? The perspective that I am viewing this song in lends itself to that suspension though the song still works regardless of POV. Either this song is reference towards a specific person or conversation or its directed at fans or both. DYWTYLM has come off of the most recent album Take Me Back To Eden. At this point the band has gained some following though it seems it didn't really explode until around the time of the albums release when the summoning blew up on social media. Regardless, when you have the talent that Sleep Token has, a large fan base is inevitable. I can imagine going from being relatively unknown to having strangers shout that they love you can be a heavy experience especially if one already struggles with self Image. To me, this song comes from the headspace of someone being interested in you in some way and wanting to build some sort of relationship with you, wanting to invest themselves in you. Despite this person saying how much they want you in their life, you feel like you should come with a warning label. I feel that's whats happening here. the question DYWTYLM is a interesting one because the inflection of that question is what can easily change the perspective. I view that question with a tone of disbelief and sense of "..but why?"

"Do you roll with the waves? or do you duck into deep blue safety? Is is always the same? DYWTYLM? Do you pull out the chains? or Do you push into constant aching each and every day? DYWTYLM?"
To me its as if someone has told him that they love him and that they want him to have a bigger role in their life in whatever regards the relationship is to. Friend, Lover whomever. He is trying to deter this person from getting to close. essentially it is say "My responses to negative stimulus is either on one side of the spectrum or the complete other side of the spectrum." Perhaps he is saying "I may be a bueden to you." As if to warn "I am too broken for you." If you look at the entirety of this song like this, you can see it easily. All of the questions seem posed as if/then, this or that. When he says DYWTYLM, is he really saying"You may wish that you loved me but behold, here is all the lists of the reasons we wont work out cause I am too complicated and mentaly ill. So, after all that, do you still want me? Do You Wish That You Loved me?"
Another reason I suspect that this song could be directed at fans is because of the in between parts toward the end of the song. During a interview style version of one of vessels messages he had said (again, paraphrasing)"I only see them smiling...I want them to smile" and during the end of the song you hear him sing "smile back.....at me..."
The band has always wanted it to be about the music. These are smart lads though, I am sure they expected and bit of a following from ....Hungry Eyes...if you will.... Perhaps this song gently address "hey, you think im desirable? If you really knew me..if you knew the man behind the mask..,maybe you would change your mind."
During the course of the song he also addresses "my reflecion wont smile back at me like I know it should and I would turn into a stranger in a minute if I could. There is something eating me alive I dont know what it is...."
He doesnt seem to like himself very much in the first place. Introspectively, The artist understands that sometimes there is a blind spot to see greatness within ones self. When he says he wished he could be a stranger it could be that he wishes he were able to look at himself more objectivly and not be weighed down by any preconceived notions or lies he has told himself. To say he doesn't know what is eating him alive it sounds like he is struggling with depression or some other mental/emotional health concern.
He goes on to say "I cannot hope to give you what I cannot give myself" This is powerful because its like he has been offered a way out of his lonleyness, out of some of the darkness but has refused it because he wont do it at the expense of anyone else. He is compassionate.
In summary I feel that the track DYWTYLM is about questioning what someone sees in you, and/or wanting to protect somone from yourself. I get a sense that this narrative is something that is perhaps a less metaphorical aspect and more a confession of something real that the lead singer has dealth with before.
So what do you think? Have you had similar thoughts? How do you feel it relates to the Sleep lore? There are probably as many variations of interpretation as there are Sleep Token Worshipers. Aside from whatever is truley cannon in Vessles mind, there is no right or wrong answers or interpretations. If something resonated with you then you explore that path and if it didnt thats okay too.
-Byte

Like the title says. I have diagnosed OCD and anxiety, no medications. I constantly fear that my partner has had a freak health crisis, choking, car accident, trip and hit to the head, literally anything and everything. I only fear this when they don’t respond for like an hour or two. I get panicked and stressed sometimes causing an attack. I only feel better when ik they’re ok. It’s hard to enjoy the little things in life bc if I haven’t heard from them I think something is wrong and I fall into a mini depression. i wake up every morning with an anxiety stomach ache bc I feel like they might not wake up. And I can’t fall asleep until ik they’re in bed. It is extremely bad and I have seen a therapist who thought I was getting better. I did too. But now distance is in the question when it wasn’t before. I have talked to them about trying to respond better but they do not think they have to. Which is correct they don’t. I just wish they did. Now that we’re new to distance, I feel like if they don’t respond, something is wrong but when they do respond I get angry bc I’m confused why they didn’t wanna respond before. I have brought this up bc I feel like if they don’t wanna respond it’s an issue. Like how do you not respond when you’re at your house in arms reach if your phone. Ik ppl get busy and I don’t wanna make them not busy and spend all their time on me I just wish they communicated what is going to make them busy. I need advice on how to talk to a defensive person about my concerns AND advice on how to get over the anxiety that something terrible has always happened.

I got diagnosed with reactive hypoglycemia about 3 years ago (I'd have to dive into my notes but it's been over 2 years) and it was life changing to finally know what was wrong with me and how to help it. For years before it I just knew it would help sometimes if I had something savory (protein) to absorb the sugar, and just felt like i was going crazy so much of the time. I'd crash, get hungry, angry, couldn't stop crying, even self harmed.
It isn't exactly easy to go to a low carb diet but I felt so much better it was worth it, learning I actually felt less hungry if I DIDN'T eat white bread or other high carb/sugary stuff and actually felt more full when I ate less as long as it had enough fiber and protein. I wasn't on a keto diet but I quickly learned that anything keto or Atkins was usually safe to consume and some actually tasted good.
My father is a narcissist and noticed I was losing weight (like most Americans I'm over weight but I was happier about feeling better than getting closer to a healthy weight) and not eating the trash he would buy or make (besides all the carbs and salt he doesn't practice any food safety like handwashing so I don't like to eat what he makes) and to try to force me to eat his food he'd throw my low carb food in the dog dish. That was just one of many ways he tried to control my life. Fortunately a little less than two years ago I was able to get into a group home.
At first there were some misunderstandings in the group home about my dietary needs, but this place was all about setting people up to become independent and healthy and with my Endocrinologist's notes I was able to work things out to have a low carb diet and didn't have crashes.
Unfortunately this first group home is only supposed to be transitional living so I had to move out and landed in this second group home. And this place has been hell. The first group home was setting people up to move on, would teach life skills like cooking (I already knew how to cook before coming to the first group home, helped teach others, it was a good environment) here people just come to rot. It used to be a nursing home and refuses to let anyone forget that. I can't even go into the kitchen, much less cook anything that can't be microwaved.
My dietary needs would have been on my application for this place. And I told them my first day here that I have reactive hypoglycemia and need to have a low carb diet.
They don't care. The only bread they have is white bread and they have white bread with every. single. meal. Shepherd's pie get a side of white bread. Pasta gets a side of white bread. If you don't like what's for breakfast you can get cereal- and don't expect something like Cheerios, the only cereal they have is sugary cereal, this morning I tried to get a cereal that isn't sugar and all they had is Fruity Pebbles and Cinnamon Toast Crunch, one morning they gave me Capn Crunch. If you have researched life with reactive hypoglycemia by now you know sugary cereal is on the don't eat list, and having sugary cereal first thing in the morning on an empty stomach is possibly the worst thing you can do, expect maybe hard drugs. No protein besides the milk they pour on it.
If you don't like what's for lunch or dinner you can get peanut butter and jelly- on white bread.
I calculated what this place feeds us in a single day and it's over the recommended amount of salt, sugar and carbs and below the recommended amount of protein. The only vegetable I've had in over two days was a little corn in the shepherd's pie and potatoes. They give us potato chips at least once a day.
I'm disabled (claim keeps getting denied) so I have no income. My endocrinologist got insurance to cover protein shakes for me, but the insurance only covers one of those a day. I bought a jar of peanut butter the other day so I can get some protein and have been eating straight peanut butter to the point that I'm sick to death of peanut butter.
Today I had an appointment so I had lunch over 2 hours late. They decided that i didn't need dinner. Didn't even ask me, I just went to dinner and had no food.
If you're wondering how I'm eating like this without crashing- I'm not. I've been having episodes pretty much daily since I got here. My mental health has gone to hell, I struggle to think straight. I keep dropping things. My joints all hurt. I'm supposed to have a job orientation later this week but I don't feel up to it at all since I'm always too hungry to even think.

Hi everyone,
I’m leaving for Finland on Friday. Every trip I take to Europe I get terrible stomach issues.
Read below all these scenarios I’ve had. This week before I leave I’m eating all clean and simple bland food. I jsut came back from Florida and my stomach hurt so much and had so much gas there and back. HOW DO I RESOLVE THIS ISSUE?!? I feel like if I go soemwhere short I have stomach pain and gas for an hour after the flight, but if I go far from New Jersey USA TO EUROPE it lasts for the whole trip? Can someone PLEASE HELP I can’t get sick this trip. I want to feel normal!!!!
My scenarios:

1. Flight to Germany. Ate normal stomach aches, gas. Get off the plane and I can’t even stand straight because of the pain. I am hunched over. Lasts a few hours
   
2. Iceland. Stomach pain and gas on plane, landing I felt fine and after. First night woke up in the middle of the night my back and chest was in so much pain. Like heartburn but I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t lay down because if I put pressure on my back it would flare. Lasted a week got no sleep that trip. Almost went to the ER.
   
3. Switzerland. Constipated all week and gas. Took a laxative and that was a mistake. Made me feel worse.
   

I’m so sad rn. I had my little boy 6 weeks back via C-section. I kept getting these terrible stomach ache 3 weeks postpartum. I brushed it off thinking it was gas pain. Told my gynae doc, she told me to take omeprazole empty stomach everyday. Went in for recovery checkup today and while my doc was doing an ultrasound of my uterus, I requested her if she could check in on the gallbladder as well. She did and comes out I have a lot of stones and she suggested a proper ultrasound for a clear view. I went to the radiology department. Got checked. Comes out I have multiple gallstones with one in the neck of gallbladder. The gallbladder is enlarged. Now this puts together the puzzle. I have terrible rib pain on the right back side. Now I’m so confused as I had a C-section just 6 weeks ago will they even perform laparoscopy on me. What if I have to get a full open removal. I exclusively breastfeed my baby. He just won’t take feeder. Will this be the end of my breastfeeding journey? How will I manage everything with my little baby. I do have my mom with me. Most of all I have Allah with me 😭 Anyone else who has had this type of situation before? I need some reassurance. Some support 😭

I'm scared my weight is becoming a problem
I (16F) weigh 42kg and I'm 5'2. Literally just a week ago I weighed 48kg, the same weight I was when I was 13. I don't even know how because I genuinely thought I was eating more even though I reduced what I was eating in the mornings.
I usually eat a piece of bread for breakfast, a snack at school and then dinner when I get home. Its not a huge portion and I get full very quickly despite being really hungry when it comes to having dinner.
I never really have much of an appetite and even if I'm incredibly hungry, my stomach feels like it's burning kind of hungry, I get full after just a few bites.
I've had an on and off problem with eating for around 4 years that I never really went to the doctors about because whenever I asked my mother to call, she always forgot to. It was stupid things like losing my appetite, restricting what I was eating, not allowing myself to eat things like cakes or sweets. I know it was stupid and I had that yelled into me. But I just can't get better?? I try to eat more but it either disgusts me or makes me feel sick. I cant even distinguish whether I'm feeling hungry, full, or sick anymore.
Recently I've lost weight again. I can see my ribs through my sides and even my back and my hip bones. My hands have become more boney too. I feel like it's genuinely affecting me now because I always feel so sick and lightheaded. Whenever I stand up or move my head even a little too quickly I feel like I'm about to pass out. My body feels weak and my stomach constantly feels like its on fire. But I just can't eat more and it stressing me out more.
I genuinely don't know what to do because my mother won't phone the doctors and I can't because of exams. I'm genuinely scared I'm going to end up passing out or something. I'm in desperate need or some kind of guidance.

I created this account, to vent some of my frustration. I won't be commenting, looking, or editing it after I post. No, I'm not a bot, but sometimes I wish I was.
One of my best friend tried to kill himself, he left a farewell message which wasn't supposed to be interpretted as that, but I understood. I called every hospital in the area looking for his name, until I found one. When I went to visit him, I wasn't sure if I'd be finding him dead or alive. I worked up the courage to walk into the room, and found that he was surprised to see me. With so much frustration and anger in my mind, I just started yelling at him, wondering what the fuck he was thinking and why he didn't just call me. He couldn't answer, but a tear rolled down his cheek and my anger subsided and turned into grief, depression, then sorry. I asked him, why and he said told me I knew why. He struggled with major depression for years, like me. I tried my best to be a friend and help him out of that hole, but nothing I did would help. I thought maybe if I put my depression to the side and helped him with his I'd find a way of curing my own. I was never overt with any of the actions, I lent out a helping hand when neeeded and hung out with him when he was down. We've both had terrible traumas— his from neglect and financial issues, and mine from abuse and bullying, but I thought because we both suffered we would be able suffer together. I visitied him when his family was there as I was the nuclear detterent. I watched his mother and brother hurl insults at eachother while I tried to lighten the mood, the brother cared for him, the mother didn't. It seemed like she was there, just to say she showed up. I've known her for a while, she's callous, she always has a couple boyfriends on her side, but she never tries to keep them around. When the brother and the mother were around the entire room was filled with a negative aura and you can feel it, it was never pleasant and when I left tensions only raised. I visited him when work allowed me to, but after he was transferred to the psych ward, my schedule didn't fit in with any of the visitation hours so I never could. When he left the psych ward, what followed were days of him visiting my workplace during my lunch hours telling me that he would attempt it again, "it could happen any day now." My words seemed so hollow and breathless as I tried to sounding them out. I questioned myself, "What could I say? What could I do? Why is he telling me this?" This happened almost everyday for a couple of months, he would visit me and utter the same words. One day, I asked him, "How do you want me to respond to this" and to his non-challant reply was, "I don't know take it as you well." He was always forgetful, so I hoped he would forget about me too. Some nights we would get boba and he would tell me I was part of the reason he did it. I didn't know how to respond and I still don't. What did I do? I was completely and utterly drained of any emotions, sadness, depression, anger, grief. He was a boa constrictor wrapping it's body around mine smothering me to death. Nothing mattered to me, and so one day, I left without saying a word. He is still alive and hasn't tried anything since then, to which I am thankful. But I never answered his texts or calls. In this rough patch, I started unravelling because everything around me was unfolding.
I was still talking to the above friend, during this time when I got a call from my brother, "She's in the ER because she OD'D. Can you bring some blankets?" He was completely devoid of any urgency or emotion, I understand he doesn't handle them very well, but the calmness of voice only irritated me and made my bite my tongue til I bled. My mind was blank as I sped down the highway at 100mph. I remember the flickering lights as I paced through the hallway, a nurse recognized me from my personal life, but I brushed her off saying that I didn't know her as she was part of our church. Our family is conservative and if this got out, then all eyes would be on us with looks of disappointment and shame. I couldn't tell anyone. I hesitated, a roller coaster of emotions overwhelmed me as I grew closer and closer to the room. The same ones that had enveloped me with my best friend, but this one was brought on by so much shame. "How didn't I see this coming? What sort of brother am I, that I can't protect my only sister? Please... Please... Please.. don't be dead." I stopped in the hallway, where my brother stood and he just said he was getting a sandwhich. I watched him go as he walked away, not an ounce of grief, but after I saw him I noticed there was confusion and sadness in his face, but his words remained neutral as if he were trying to keep it together. I approached the door and hesitated right before going in, rubbing tears that were running down my face and collecting myself the best way I could. I saw her lying there, so helpless, barely alive, and struggling to breathe. My stomach sunk, my heart dropped, and my lungs collapsed. No physical pain, no abuse I had suffered, no moment would have prepared me for this, but as I looked at her she looked at me. I walked over and remarked, "This is because I didn't kill the spider, isn't it?" She laughed in pain the best she could, and my Dad added into and gave me a small slap on the head laughng as well. I saw her arms and saw the cuts and how deep they were. The heart monitor started fading and transforming into ringing within my ears. I sat down and talked to my Mom and Dad to see what we needed. They asked for blankets, which I forgot, and something to eat. I told them to go home as I'd just stay here to watch over her. They both said no at first, but my Dad reluctantly agreed after realizing there was no one to watch his business the next day. I nearly lost my mind. Your daughter is laying here in the ER, and you still need someone to watch the business? I volunteered to do it, but I stayed in the hospital until the I had to leave as I watch the seconds turn into minutes, the minutes to hours. The clock has never moved that slow before, I felt like I was frozen in every moment. It was only after I had learned she was raped three times. My blood boiled, my face turned hot, as I was heading to my car demanding who did it. He'd done this mutliple times. throughout the year, and I had no idea. I reached a point where I stormed out of my house, but my brother asked me where I was going. I told him that I was going to find him, and beat the living shit out of them. He stopped me and told me, that that's why she didn't tell me. I didn't understand it it all, why he wasn't hopping into the car with me to this mother fuckers house after knowing all of this. He didn't want me to know because I'd go over to the hospital demanding her and asking her who did it. He was right. I calmed down, but if he wasn't there I would have found the fucker and I would have beaten the living shit out of them. I told my best friend what happened, and he tried to keep me calm and tried to get my mind off of things. We went to a friends birthday party and I could still hear the heart monitor ringing as I watched everyone have fun, eat, and party over this friends birthday. I felt like an extra, just playing the part of someone who's there to be there. I laughed and made jokes, but this hole in my chest kept getting wider and wouldn't close. I hadn't slept in three days, and the pain was like I was being eaten alive without being able to scream in agony. When we returned to the hospital, she was moved to a different facility, because she wasn't needed in the ER any longer. The nurses asked me to leave as they said that visiting hours were over, but they fell upon empty ears. I wasn't moving. I stayed there all night, and woke up the next morning. I don't remember falling asleep, I just blacked out at one point. I could tell you that when I woke up, all I saw where white walls, white floors, and white sheets. The typical hospital smell that filled the air with ammonia as it burned through my lungs. The heart monitor started to lose it's preptual ring and began to sound normal again. None of these details are important, but I remember them so well as if I'm living that moment right now. This was my second close call. She was home within the next week, but this trauma made our family a lot closer— but, there's a new edition to the family in the shape of an elephant, he doesn't speak to us and we don't speak to him, but he's always there. I haven't been able to look at her the same way, because I'm not sure what will set her off, and the scars on her arms still make me sick to the stomach.
My second best friend was tearing at the seams while all this was happening and I was trying to get his life back together, but something just wasn't clicking with him. I saw him descend into an abyss that I couldn't pull him out of, he started stalking his ex, binge drinking at work, in public, etc. , doing more and more drugs. I went to his rented out room where the landlord would help him do his laundry, cook for him, allow him to have pets even though she was against it. She was kind to him, and I had hoped that might have had some affect on his mental state, but he couldn't get out of his head. He nose dived and I tried to bring him back up, but I couldn't so I gave up. I was emotionally and physically exhausted from everything, in a puddle of a quicksand trying to get out, the more I resisted the further it pulled me down. I was in a boxing match with hit after hit after hit, I just couldn't stand it anymore, but this man gave me a family when mine abused me, he gave me a home when I didn't want to go back to mine, he allowed me to express myself and be free when I was in a position where everyone wanted to chain me, he became a friend when I needed one the most. I pleaded with my group to look after him a little bit more, we could take shifts, but no one cared or wanted to listen. "You can't help someone who can't help themselves." After his nose dive, I told him I couldn't do this anymore and I'd rather kill myself to watch him destroy himself, so I stopped speaking to him— after all, you can't help someone who can't help himself. I removed myself from the group and started working on myself. It had been a year since we last talked, he wrote one story on Instagram that caught my attention, "Maybe everyone was right about me." By this time, I had finally collected myself, I was in a good place, and I had every intention of talking with him again and helping him get back on track if I could, whether it be reaching out or just treating him like a person as if it were a typical Tuesday. As I was typing in the words, I stopped myself and said I needed a little bit more time. I was in the midst of a massive project at work that needed to be completed in two days. The next day, I got a text from one of the mutal friends in the group I had left, "He's dead. They found his body in his room." I stared at the phone for a few seconds. My mind blank. I just put my phone down and kept working.
I haven't talked to a therapist about any of this, but I have mentioned it. None of them seem interested in exploring it so it must not be that important, but I feel the need to get this burden off my chest. These three events happened concurrently, and after the dusk settled, I looked closer into all of the close relationships I had, and how many of my closest friends had ended up hurting themselves in a way to "heal." Nearly all of them. They would vent their struggles to me, and I always became an ear because people just need to be heard. Maybe they had problems before I met them, maybe they didn't. I'm probably stretching my own importance in their lives, but the nagging tick that bothers me is that I feel like I am the common denominator.

My wife, Mia, and I were driving cross-country. It was our first attempt at the “Great American Roadtrip.”
Mia and I rented a small RV; more of a camper than a full blown RV. We packed up a couple suitcases with plenty of room for any souvenirs and we hit the dusty trail.
We started our journey on the “Mother Road”-- Route 66-- driving south from Chicago until we connected to i-70 and shot straight west through Missouri.
The goal was to see those parts of the country we had never seen before, stopping anywhere that seemed interesting. From the plains of Kansas up through the badlands of Wyoming and South Dakota.
In Missouri we saw the world’s largest cap gun. In Kansas we visited the Evel Knievel Museum and the World’s Largest Belt Buckle.
We love all those kitschy, tourist trap places.
Eventually, we made it to Colorado and after a few hours more of driving through amber waves of grain, we saw them... the Rocky Mountains.
We made an exit and headed north through the winding mountain highways.
The Rockies were gorgeous. Snow capped in the middle of summer, some of the peaks pierced through the white fluffy clouds.
We saw a sign that read “Traffic Tunnel - 3 Miles.”
A little further and sure enough, there it was, a large tunnel bored directly through the mountain in front of us.
A large sign read, “Pike Tunnel - Longest Traffic Tunnel in the Nation! - Please turn your headlights on now.”
“How long is it?” asked Mia.
“That’s what she said,” I quipped.
But she was right, there was no information beyond the detail that this was the longest tunnel in the nation.
“Can’t be more than a mile or two,” I said as I watched the little white car ahead of us slip into the darkness. A moment later we joined it.
The tunnel was lit by fluorescents that gave everything a greenish yellow tinge. On the left hand side was a raised walkway behind a railing for maintenance access.
Initially I was struck by the incredible amount of work that went into the construction of this man- made marvel.
“We’re under a million tons of rocky mountain right now,” I said.
“How many years before this caves in?” Mia responded.
I shot her a look--
“Let’s save the cave-in talk until we’re out on the other side.”
“I’m just saying, nature will take this back eventually,” she continued.
I scanned the empty road ahead of us.
“Where did the other car go?” I asked.
We were now alone in the tunnel, no cars ahead of us nor behind us.
“Huh... they must have sped off ahead. Maybe they’re scared of a cave-in?”
My Spotify playlist had stopped playing. Mia looked at the phone.
“No cell service.”
She turned on the radio and spun the dial only to find static.
“You’re not going to be able to pick up a station in here,” I said.
She turned the volume down.
“Just wanted to check... If only we had some CDs. This tunnel really keeps going.”
“I would have thought we’d be through it by now,” I replied.
I looked at the RV’s odometer, 45,600 miles. I picked up speed. I wanted to try and catch up to the little white car.
Up until this point, the tunnel was a straight shot, but now the tunnel started to curve to the right. It may have been my imagination but it also felt as though we were descending…
Mia felt it too and she started to get antsy.
“Where did that other car go? How long is this tunnel?”
There was an urgency in her voice.
I was getting nervous, claustrophobia was not usually a problem for me but when I looked down at the odometer and I saw that it had gone up by 3 miles, my mind began to wander to unsettling places.
We were descending in altitude. I could feel it. I could see a slope in the lights on the ceiling and the railing of the maintenance walkway. I could feel a pressure in my head, and I was getting cold.
“Could you grab me a coke from the back, Mia?”
I couldn’t have Mia getting anxious, that would only start a chain reaction and make me freak out which would then make her freak out.
She unbuckled and ducked into the back of the RV to where we had a cooler stocked with drinks and food.
Just as she stepped into the back, I saw something.
There standing on the side of the road was a MAN wearing a reflective safety vest and a hard hat. He was WAVING to me as I passed him by.
Something about him looked... strange…
I watched him in the side-view mirror as we passed and he was still watching the RV, still waving at the back of our vehicle as he faded into the distance.
Mia reappeared from the back of the RV, Coke in hand. She popped it and handed it to me.
“You look worried.”
“I’m fine,” I smiled and took a sip of the Coke.
“Eric, slow down!”
I slammed on the breaks as I saw what made Mia scream. In the road in front of us was a roadblock.
Two reflective traffic sawhorses blocked both lanes of the tunnel. Beyond the roadblock, the lights of the tunnel were dark. There was nothing but a void of blackness.
Standing in front of the roadblock was another man wearing a reflective vest and a hard hat, only this time his hard hat had a light on top which obscured his face.
We came to a jolting stop.
I turned to Mia
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I’m fine,” she replied. “It’s a cave-in isn’t it?”
“God, I hope not.”
I rolled down the window, leaned out and yelled to the man in the hard hat.
“Hey! What’s going on?!”
The man was about 5 yards away. He took two steps towards us and then raised a hand to his mouth and yelled.
“Just doing some maintenance!”
“How long is it going to take?!” I yelled back.
The man made a hand gesture as if he didn’t hear me.
“How long is it going to take?!” I called again.
He made the same gesture. I unbuckled my seat belt and grabbed the door release.
“What are you doing?” Mia asked.
“I gotta know what’s going on.”
“Eric, just stay here, it might not be safe.”
“I’ll be just a second,” I said.
I pushed the door open and stepped down from the RV.
“Stay in your vehicle!” the man yelled.
He took a couple steps towards me with his hand out telling me to stop.
“What’s the hold up?!” I shouted.
The man was a bit closer now but I still couldn’t see his face through the shining light on his helmet.
“Please stay in your vehicle!” he shouted.
There was something off about him.
Then I heard it–
“EEEAAAUUUUUUGHHHHHHHH!!!”
A scream, or something, rolled from deep in the tunnel. The worker turned and looked into the darkness. Then he ran past the barricades and soon all we could see of him was the light on his helmet.
The light disappeared a moment later.
“What the hell was that?! Is someone hurt?” Mia asked.
“I have no idea,” I said.
“Should we do something?” Mia asked.
I just sat there and watched the pitch black tunnel in front of me. I had no idea what to tell her. I checked the sideview mirrors. There was still nobody behind us.
“Where are the other cars?” I asked.
“They must have gotten through before the roadblock... Or maybe they caused the roadblock?” Mia replied.
“I saw another worker a little ways back. We could try to go back and talk to him.”
“We’d be going straight into any oncoming cars.”
“There’s a maintenance walkway. We didn’t pass him that long ago. We can probably catch him on foot.”
“Maybe we should just wait for the guy to come back.”
She reached over and grabbed my arm. I squeezed her hand.
She was right.
I looked out at the tunnel ahead of us. I turned on the RV’s high beams but all I could see beyond the roadblock was more tunnel and more road.
I checked my phone. Unsurprisingly, there was no service still.
We waited, but the man never came back.
“It’s been twenty minutes,” Mia said, “How come there hasn’t been another car behind us?
I was having the same thought. I rolled down my window and stuck my head out. I looked back at the road behind us. It went back about 200 yards before curving out of sight.
There was no sign of that first worker I saw on the maintenance walk way. I looked at the roadblock ahead of us and clicked on the RV’s high beams. There was nothing beyond the roadblock but more tunnel. It didn’t look like it was under construction, just very dark.
“I think we should keep going,” I said.
“What about the roadblock?”
“We’ll move those sawhorses out of the way and just drive past,” I said as I opened my door.
Mia looked at me, then she cast her eyes to the dark tunnel ahead of us. I knew she was processing the same limited options that I was.
Driving backwards would be a huge risk in the instance of another car finally coming along.
Getting out and walking would take God knows how long, we could have driven 10 miles at this point.
Forward was our best option.
“Let’s do it,” Mia said.
We jumped out and quickly pulled the two sawhorses out of the right lane. I pulled the RV up past the barriers, then we jumped out again and put the sawhorses back where they were. We didn't need another car to come barreling through.
We were finally moving again, slowly. It was pitch black save for the high beams of the RV.
We crept forward at around 15 miles per hour. As the tunnel turned and twisted, my eyes started to play tricks on me. I kept seeing shapes at the furthest point of the tunnel.
I kept seeing something standing just at the end of the next bend but as we roll forward, there was nothing there.
“Where are the workers?” Mia asked.
“I don’t know.”
I was done rationalizing. This was all wrong. Traffic tunnels are never this long.
My mind started to wander to all the road trip urban legends I’d read about; The Killer in the Backseat, The Disappearing Gas Station, The Pale Man In The Corn Field.
Did we stumble into some strange outlier location? An in-between point on the endless roads that cross this country?
Then I saw it–
“Look! A person! Thank god!” Mia shouted.
As we rounded a curve in the tunnel, a group of maintenance workers entered our view.
The three of them stood on the left side of the road behind two more sawhorses topped with flashing lights.
Two of them faced towards us, the third was facing the other two.
The one with his back to us wore a light on his hard hat. Was this the same guy we saw earlier? How did he get this far away?
I approached slowly and rolled down the window.
“Hey! You left us waiting back there!” I yelled.
There was no response.
In fact, all three men were completely silent, and it was hard to tell in the flashing light of the sawhorses, but they looked to be standing COMPLETELY STILL.
“Hello?!” I yelled again.
I pushed open my door and stepped out onto the pavement.
“Eric wait--”
I held up a finger to Mia.
“Just a second.”
I slowly stepped towards the 3 men.
“Hello?”
No response… What the fuck?
The bright lights of the sawhorses obscured their faces.
I kept moving closer.
“Hey, what’s going on--”
Then I saw it.
Their faces... They were plastic.
In front of me stood three mannequins.
I backed away toward the RV, then I turned and walked hurriedly to the vehicle.
I was seriously freaked out but I didn’t want to alarm Mia. I climbed into the driver’s seat and slammed the door shut.
“They’re mannequins.” I said.
“What?”
“They’re mannequins.”
”Why?... What?...”
“I don’t know…”
I looked back over at the three figures and my blood ran cold…
The Hard Hat Mannequin had somehow TURNED AROUND to face us. All three figures appeared to be watching us now.
Then we heard it--
A loud resonant banging on the side, and then the roof of the RV.
“What the hell was that?” Mia whispered.
We listened, holding our breath. Then--
A shuffling sound--
Something was moving ON or IN the RV.
“Stay here.” I said.
I got up.
“Eric, wait!”
I moved to the back of the RV.
It was dark. I went for a drawer in the kitchenette space and pulled out a flashlight.
I moved to the rear of the RV, the bedroom. My flashlight illuminated an empty room.
“Whoever is back here, I have a gun…”
A shitty bluff. But I didn’t see anything.
I shone the light out of the windows of each side of the RV. Nothing.
Then I heard it–
A shuffling sound, from right above me.
I looked up and screamed–
“Fuck!”
On the roof of the RV, staring through the skylight was a woman with vacuous black eyes and a dead smile.
Her stringy black hair dangled down towards me casting thing black shadows across her horrible pale face.
“Mia, drive! Fast!” I screamed.
Mia JUMPED over to the driver’s seat, shifted into gear and STOMPED on the gas. The RV was clunky but it could move when it needed to.
We lurched forward and I fell back.
I trained my flashlight up onto the skylight again and the woman was gone.
I scrambled to my feet and looked out of the side windows.
Did Mia shake her off? There was no sign of the woman. I moved to the passenger seat, breathing heavily and sweating.
“What happened?” She asked, keeping the RV at a steady 50 mph.
“There was a woman on the roof,” I said flatly.
I realize now that I was in a kind of shock.
“A woman?”
“Her eyes were black.”
Mia just looked at me, then back at the tunnel ahead of us.
“There’s something wrong with this tunnel.” I whispered.
Mia pointed at the road ahead, “Look.”
I looked out at the tunnel. There were more mannequins. A LOT more mannequins. They were positioned on both sides of the road.
They were all facing us and even though I never saw them move, when I looked in the side-view mirror, they were somehow STILL facing us, turning to watch us as we drove past. Watching without eyes.
“Just keep driving.” I said.
As we drove on, the mannequins crowded the sides of the road more and more. There were thousands of them. Eventually they were so close that some of their outstretched arms hit the side of the RV.
They were closing in on us. Squeezing our path forward. One stood in the middle of the road.
“I don’t think i can get around it.”
“Run it over. Don’t stop.”
The RV smashed into the mannequin. Its head shot forward and bounced against the windshield and the vehicle shuddered as it rolled over the body.
Soon there were two in the road. Then three.
I could see where this was going. Pretty soon there would be too many for the RV to ram through, but goddammit we were going to get through as many as we could.
“Speed up, Mia.”
CRASH!
The sound was surreal, smashing into mannequin after mannequin at nearly 60 miles per hour.
Hands, legs, heads and torsos flew.
The windshield cracked, the RV shuddered and screamed and eventually slowed down, despite the screaming engine.
I’m certain the axle was jammed up with lifeless, plastic body parts. Eventually we came to a stop.
“She won’t move,” Mia said.
She pressed on the gas but it was no use, the RV just rocked a little bit.
“Try reverse.”
She shifted and pressed on the gas, we got some decent movement before running into another jam.
“Fuck.”
“Should we get out and look?” Mia asked.
“I’ll go,” I said as I grabbed the flashlight and popped the passenger door. Mia unbuckled her seatbelt.
“We’ll go together.”
We stumbled out of the RV on the passenger side. It was like stepping into Hell.
Countless, lifeless faces stared out at us from the darkness. The only light came from the headlights of the RV and my flashlight.
We clumsily made our way along the side of the RV. The ground was littered with mannequin pieces.
I thought to myself, if we could get a couple yards cleared out behind the rear tires, we might be able to back out and get enough momentum to reverse all the way back out of here.
Instead, when we got to the back of the RV, my stomach flipped and my heart sank.
I was expecting to see a trail of flattened mannequins, instead the RV was now surrounded by thousands of perfectly intact mannequins standing at attention. As if their ranks had some how been replenished after our vehicular assault.
“This is impossible.”
She started to cry. I held her close.
“We’ll keep moving.” I said.
“It will never end. The tunnel makes no sense. It only curves one direction.”
I looked at her.
“What do you mean?”
“This whole time the tunnel has only been curving to the right. it would sometimes straighten out or go left for a few yards but before too long we were curving to the right again. We’ve either been driving in circles or spiraling downwards.”
“So we’ll go back the way we came and hope we’re not going in circles.” I said.
We had been driving for hours at this point. Walking back out the way we came would take days. But now that I thought about it, Mia was right, we’d only been curving to the right.
This tunnel seemed to be very gradually taking us downwards into the earth.
Going forward would not get us any closer to escape.
“We’ll need food from the RV,” Mia said.
I nodded and we stumbled our way back to the front of the RV, the mannequins’ lifeless faces watching us the whole time.
I stepped up to the passenger door and nearly fell back when I looked through the window.
“What the fuck?” I breathed.
What I saw were two mannequins sitting in the driver’s and passenger’s seat.
How they got in there? I have no idea, but what really made my blood run cold was that they were dressed EXACTLY like MIA and I.
They wore identical sets of clothes. The one in the passenger seat had my same New Order T-shirt and black jeans. The one in the driver’s seat had Mia’s green striped sweater and denim shorts.
Their plastic faces stared out through the shattered windshield at the endless crowd of mannequins staring back at them.
Mia stepped up and saw the uncanny display.
“What the fuck?” Mia echoed.
I pulled myself up into the RV and slowly stepped around my mannequin doppelgänger. I avoided looking into its face but I swear i could feel it watching me as I stumbled around it.
Mia followed and we made our way into the back of our dark RV. Luckily we had just stocked our cooler full of deli meat and water not long after crossing the Colorado state line.
I handed Mia the flashlight and pulled open the cooler. I filled a backpack full of food and water.
I turned and saw them–
My mannequin double had somehow moved. It was standing in the aisle watching us.
Mia’s doppelgänger was still seated in the driver’s seat but had turned to peer back at us with its eyeless gaze.
Mia saw the look in my eyes and turned. She screamed when she saw them and backed into me. I put my arm around her and we stood there a moment, letting our skyrocketing heart rates return to Earth.
“Let’s get out of here,” I said.
I slid the backpack onto my shoulders.
Mia joined me at the door. I looked into her eyes. “Are you ready?” She nodded. I kissed her.
“I love you,” I said.
“I love you,” she said.
The look on her face killed me. She was terrified. I’m sure the look on my face was similar.
I opened the door and we stepped out…
We again stumbled to the back of the RV. Once we were clear of the RV and all the crushed mannequin body parts, it became easier to find footing, though weaving through an endless crowd of lifeless people was a slow process.
It was pitch black. Without the flashlight we wouldn’t be able to see a foot in front of us.
As I walked, the beam of light created the illusion of movement in the crowd. At least I hoped it was an illusion.
The limbs of the mannequins seemed to stretch and turn, but the only sound was that of Mia and I shuffling our way through the crowded tunnel.
Things went on like this for what felt like hours. Mia and I were sweating and aching. I was about to suggest we stop and rest, but then I saw it and I froze…
Out in the crowd, beyond rows of blank faces I saw a pale face, black hair and a dead smile.
I saw two vacuous eyes staring right at me.
“Mia, do you see her?” I whispered.
“See who?”
I slowly raised my arm and pointed.
It was the woman, or whatever it was, that stared back at me through the skylight on the roof of the RV.
“Oh my god!” Mia squeaked.
I could see now that the Pale Faced Woman was tall. A few inches taller than the mannequins.
As I pointed, she stared back at me with that terrible grin.
“What do we do?” Mia whispered.
I raised the flashlight and pointed it right at the Pale Faced Woman. I thought maybe this would scare her off.
I was wrong.
The light only made her appear more unsettling as she stared back, unflinchingly.
“What do you want?!” I yelled.
She only stared back at me. She was as still as the mannequins.
“We have to keep going.” I whispered.
Mia didn’t respond. Her body was tense as she held onto me.
“We’ve come this far, we can’t turn back again,” I continued.
I pulled Mia’s hand and we continued on our way through the mannequins, keeping the distance between us and her as wide as possible.
As we moved past, she kept watching us. Though her movements were imperceptible to us, her eyes never left us. Like one of those portraits whose eyes appear to watch you no matter where you stand.
Finally, we got far enough that she was out of sight. But the thought of her being somewhere behind us only unsettled me further and I quickened our pace.
As the hours wore on, there was no sign of the Pale Faced Woman and the crowd of mannequins began to thin out. They still populated the tunnel from one end to the other, but there was more space between them, allowing Mia and I to walk more freely.
The mannequins on the maintenance walkway on the side of the tunnel seemed to thin out as well and I decided it would give us a better vantage if we were walking up there.
I helped Mia climb up the railing that bordered the walkway, then I climbed up behind her. The walkway was elevated 3 or 4 feet above the roadway. We could easily see over the heads of the mannequins in both directions.
There was, of course, no end to the tunnel in sight.
We kept walking.
The mannequins continued to thin out, but they were different now.
There were mannequins dressed as maintenance workers again, but also mannequins dressed as families and businessmen. There was even a group of mannequin nuns standing in a single file line, heads bowed in prayer.
Needless to say, we passed none of this on the way in to the tunnel. I was feeling very hopeless that we were going to be able to find our way out.
I was far beyond speculating how this was at all possible. It’s NOT possible. And even if it were, there is no good reason for someone to do this to us.
The only explanation was the supernatural. Then I saw Her. Rather, I saw THEM.
Arranged in the middle of the tunnel was a circle of mannequins with long black hair and tattered cloth.
They looked exactly like the Pale Faced Woman, minus any facial features. I kept a close watch on them as we passed to make sure they didn’t start following us.
“A door!” Mia shouted.
Mia pointed a few paces ahead of her. There was a door leading into the wall of the tunnel.
We ran towards it. Mia grabbed the handle, turned it and pulled. It was heavy and Mia had to brace her foot on the wall to get it moving.
The metal door groaned as if it hadn’t been opened in years.
Finally, it was open enough to see past.
It was a hallway. It went out about 5 yards then turned right at a 90 degree angle.
The strangest part was the design of the hallway.
It wasn’t cement or pavement like the tunnel.
The walls were wood paneled and the floor was covered in a thick carpet, like a house from the 1970s.
“I say we see where this takes us.” Mia said.
There was no reason to disagree, but I wasn’t going to get us trapped in there.
I opened up my backpack and took out a water bottle. I opened it and handed it to Mia. She drank half, then I drank the other half.
I slowly closed the door, shoving the empty water bottle in the crack to keep it from closing all the way.
I turned to Mia-- “Okay, let’s go.”
We slowly made our way down the quiet hallway. We got down to where the hallway cornered to the right and that’s when we heard it–
KA-CHUNK!!!--
I whipped around. The door had closed behind us. I ran back to it and tried to push it open, but it was no use. There was no way it closed on its own.
Someone had to have removed the water bottle. Our path had been chosen for us.
There was no turning back.
We continued down the hallway. We turned right. The hallway continued, then turned right again. That should have led us right back to the tunnel. But it didn’t. This part of the hallway went on far longer than was possible without running into the tunnel. Then it turned right again.
It went on like this. Sometimes a section of the hallway was 20 feet long, sometimes it was 20 yards long, sometimes it was 3 feet long. But it always turned to the right.
At first it was a relief to be somewhere other than the cold, dark tunnel. But the hallway very quickly became claustrophobic and before too long, I heard someone walking behind us.
We had stopped to take a break and I heard a third pair of footsteps on the carpet coming from behind us. I backtracked to the last corner.
I was terrified as I slowly peeked around the corner, tense and waiting to see the vacuous eyes and inky black hair of the Pale Faced Woman... but there was nothing there. I wasn’t about to backtrack any further.
“There was no one there.” I whispered.
Mia slumped against the wall and slid down to the carpet.
“I think I need to rest.” She said.
I put my backpack down on the ground for Mia to use as a pillow. She laid her head down and was passed out in seconds.
I had no idea how long we had been walking at this point. I stood leaning against the wall. My body was telling me to rest but I couldn’t risk falling asleep. I had to keep watch. I knew SHE was following us.
I took in the details of the hallway for the first time. The carpet was a dull brown and the walls a cheap wood paneling. The hanging lighting fixtures were shaded by stained glass, something you might see in an old diner.
Who built this place? Did someone pick out the carpet and the lighting fixtures? Did a team of workers blast these tunnels into the Earth? Or has this place always existed? Was this Purgatory?
I began to feel dizzy. I was panicking. My heart felt like it was trying to escape my chest. I slumped to the floor and tried to slow my breathing.
I closed my eyes... –
I SHOT up in a panic. I had fallen asleep while I was meant to be keeping watch.
I snapped to my feet and looked around.
Mia was still asleep on my backpack.
Then I noticed that the hallway had changed. A few paces away there was now a plain wooden door in the wall.
I slowly approached it. I put my ear to the door and I could hear what sounded like TV static and the low murmur of voices.
I discreetly grabbed the door handle and turned it slowly. I felt the latch bolt clear and I carefully cracked the door just enough to peek inside.
It was dark, so it took a second for me to register what I was seeing. I saw a small board room. A long table in the center was surrounded by seated men in suits.
At the end of the table stood another man next to an old CRT TV that was playing static. This was the only source of light in the room and all the men around the table were turned towards the tv.
Suddenly the screen flickered from static to a solid dark background. And some warped new age style muzak began playing.
Then the words appeared on the screen that terrified me like nothing else before. In plain text the words read–
“YOU WILL LOSE HER.”
I froze as I knew these words were meant for me I watched with terror as the men seated around the table slowly turned toward me in unison.
They were mannequins.
The TV screen then clicked off and they continued staring at me as I could barely make out their forms through the near pitch darkness.
I quickly pulled the door shut. And whipped around to look at Mia, I had a horrible feeling of dread that when I turned around she would be gone, like the message on the TV promised–
“Eric? What are you doing?” Mia was leaning up and staring at me.
Thank God. There was Mia, right where I left her.
I pointed at the door and said, “This door appeared and I--”
“What door?” she interrupted.
I turned and sure enough, the door was now gone.
I explained what happened to her, but I left out the message that appeared on the screen.
-- YOU WILL LOSE HER –
Those words still burned in my brain. I tried to force them out.
We drank water, ate granola and then got moving again.
Hallways. Endless hallways.
After a couple hours of walking we started to hear music. There were small speakers in the corners of the ceiling.
I recognized it as the same new-age muzak that played on the TV in the board room. The melody drilled into our minds. Combined with the dull aesthetics of the quiet hallways and the endless right turns, the music had a hypnotizing effect.
The lengths of the halls became more uniform. That is to say, the straight section of hallway was about 7 paces, then a right turn, then 7 paces and a right turn.
“I think we’re walking in circles... or a square,” Mia said.
I looked at her and took out a bottle of water. I peeled off the plastic label and dropped it on the floor.
Then we kept walking.
7 paces, right turn. 7 paces, right turn. 7 paces, right turn. And there it was... Mia was right.
The label from my water bottle lay in the middle of the hallway. Somehow we had been led into a loop. I lost it.
“FUUUCK!”
I kicked the wall repeatedly and screamed. Mia just leaned her back against the wall.
This was our dynamic. If one of us lost it, the other became zen and thought of a solution. More often than not, I was the one to lose it.
I finally stopped freaking out
“There has to be a way out. A door,” Mia said.
“We would have seen it,” I replied.
“A hidden door,” she said.
She turned around and ran her hands along the cracks of the wood paneling.
“Most likely on the outer wall,” she said.
She beat her fist on the wall, listening for a change in the sound. I exhaled heavily, sweating and tired, and I started searching the wall as well.
We checked the whole first wall, nothing. We checked the second wall, nothing. The third, nothing.
The final wall... Nothing. I gave up and slumped on the floor. Mia immediately went over to the other side of the hall and started checking the inner wall.
“What are you doing? I thought you said it would be on the outer wall?” I asked.
Then we heard it.
Mia beat the wall and instead of the dead thud, we heard a resonate BOOM –
A door…
I shot up and started tapping the wall with Mia until we found where the door ended. It was the width of about 4 wooden panels. I lined myself up in the center, lowered my shoulder and pushed–
IT MOVED! It barely moved but it was enough to confirm this actually was a door! I re-centered and tried again, lowering my center of gravity, I pushed as hard as I could. The door pushed inward about 3 inches, then Mia joined in. We slowly moved the door, 5 inches, then 10, then 15, then 20.
Then Mia slipped inside.
I had a moment of panic as she disappeared into the darkness and those haunting words came back into my mind, “YOU WILL LOSE HER.”
I darted past the doorway, falling through the threshold and hitting the concrete floor.
I looked up and there was Mia, thank God. I promised myself I’d never let her out of my sight again.
“The exit...” Mia said.
She looked and sounded as if she were a thousand miles away. I got to my feet and followed her gaze. What I saw nearly brought me to tears.
We were back in the tunnel, but there was light. About a mile down was the mouth of the tunnel, and daylight pouring in. Beautiful daylight. I grabbed Mia tight and kissed her.
“Thank God...” she cried.
We started moving. Nothing was going to slow us down this time. We sped up into a RUN down the maintenance walkway towards that beautiful sunlight.
As we approached, something else came into view. Parked in the middle of the roadway was a large vehicle…
It couldn’t be…
It was!
Our RV sat in the road waiting for us. We ran all the way to it, pulled open the passenger side door and climbed in. There were no mannequins to be seen.
I fell into the driver’s seat and Mia handed me the keys. I turned over the engine, the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. I shifted into gear and floored it towards the sunlight.
As we got closer, I could see the green of trees and the blue of the sky. We were maybe one hundred yards away.
I turned to Mia, tears in my eyes…
And what I saw turned my blood to ice.
Just beyond Mia’s window, that horrifying pale face grinned at me.
The Pale Faced Woman was somehow floating outside of the RV.
Before I could say anything, her hand smashed through the window and gripped Mia by the throat, then in one horrible motion the thing PULLED MIA SCREAMING THROUGH THE WINDOW AND…
Disappeared…
I SLAMMED on the breaks just as the RV passed through the exit of the tunnel and sunlight flooded the cab of the RV. I threw it in park and shot out of the door screaming.
“Mia!? Mia??!!”
I screamed over and over. I rounded the front of the RV and looked back at the tunnel –
-- and what I saw shattered my mind…
The tunnel was gone.
There was only open road.
I had lost her.

Tldr: the process of RCT (converting CE to RCE) can be inverted so that some of the positive energy that forms the body can be sacrificed to produce massive amounts of CE. This technique is extremely dangerous and will almost certainly result in the death of the sorcerer unless it is perfectly controlled.
This is an idea I had when I was thinking of different techniques from DragonBall that could be adapted to JJK. Most of the techniques in DragonBall equate to simple CE manipulation, but Tien's Ki-Ko-Ho (aka TriBeam) inspired me.
Ki-Ko-Ho is said to use "life energy" which somehow is different from "ki" in DBZ, but this isn't really expanded on as far as I can remember. Master Roshi claims that each use of the Ki-Ko-Ho shortens Tien's lifespan, and we saw that spamming the Shin Ki-Ko-Ho against Semi-Perfect Cell nearly killed Tien.
So this is where we move to JJK. It's established that the bodies of Curses are made of negative energy (aka Curse Energy) while the bodies of Humans are made of positive energy. This is why Curses can easily heal themselves with CE while advanced sorcerers must perform the Reverse Curse Technique to generate positive energy (aka Reverse Curse Energy).
In a previous era, a Limitless+Six Eyes (LL+6E) sorcerer survived a near-death battle by attaining a certain level of enlightenment and unlocking the Reverse Curse Technique. Still shaken by the experience, the sorcerer began to meditate for an extended period of time. This sorcerer had tremendous CE output but a fairly limited CE pool, and he was seeking some solution this limitation. Eventually, he reached a bone-chilling conclusion.
In the Reverse Curse Technique (as explained by Gojo), two bundles of CE can be multiplied against each other the produce RCE/positive energy, but the technique requires tremendous amounts of CE and is inefficient: the sum of the 2 CE bundles is greater than the amount of RCE produced. The sorcerer concluded that the RCT process could theoretically be inverted: by using a small amount of CE to split a bundle of positive energy, a tremendous amount of CE would be released into the body to temporarily supercharge CE manipulation, reinforcement, or even one's CT. The amount of CE released is equivalent to the amount of positive energy sacrificed.
Of course, this technique would be extremely dangerous and requires supreme levels of CE control even attempt (possibly even awareness of one's Soul). (1) The process is far more complicated than simply cutting off part of one's body. It requires near-impossible levels of CE control. (2) It quite literally involves the sorcerer sacrificing a part of their body: if too much is sacrificed, the sorcerer will simply die. (3) As the process is comparable to nuclear fission, insufficient CE control can lead the RCE-CE conversion to spiral out of control, resulting in an explosion of CE that will certainly kill the sorcerer.
In practical use, the Body Sacrifice Technique is a self-imposed binding vow and thus follows the rules of self-imposed binding vows. By sacrificing some part of their body, a sorcerer gains a massively increased CE pool. This effect is permanent as long as the sorcerer doesn't heal the sacrificed portion of their body (and no one else heals it for them). For a sorcerer with deep understanding of their own Soul, an unbreakable Binding Vow can be placed: by irreversibly sacrificing part of their body and soul (akin to Idle Transfiguration), the sorcerer will gain even more CE than with the regular Body Sacrifice Technique. However, as seen in Naobito vs Jogo, losing part of one's body can disrupt a sorcerers muscle memory, throws off their balance in combat, and could even interfere with properly using CT or DE. In addition, the extreme surge of CE may also damage the rest of the body similar to how Goku's Kaio-ken can damage his body when overused.
Upon finishing his meditation, the LL+6E sorcerer attempted a small sacrifice as a proof-of-concept: he gave up a pinky on a single hand. He felt his CE pool expand rapidly, nearly doubling its original amount, but there was more: every inch of his body felt on fire and a deep nausea grew in his stomach. Despite the pain dulling his focus, he attempted to push the process further. He attempted to sacrifice a second finger; before he could react, half of his arm was gone. Instant inversion of the process to RCT saved the sorcerer's life, and he concluded that the Body Sacrifice Technique (BST) was far too dangerous to teach to any sorcerer less skilled than himself. He recorded the BST process and his annotations on a single paper, then placed upon it many powerful seals and locked it away in the Gojo Clan Headquarters. It is unknown if any modern sorcerer's have knowledge of Body Sacrifice Technique.
Edit: I forgot to mention one of the major drawbacks to successfully using BST, especially with the irreversible Binding Vow on the soul. Having the body exceed it's normal limits in terms of the amount of CE flowing through it results in multiple dangerous side effects.
First, as the body is unable to truly contain all of the extra CE inside it, BST sorcerers would constantly leak some CE, even more than non-sorcerers. This becomes especially apparent when this extra CE is used such as in reinforcement or using a CT as a natural result of supercharging output. This CE leak would eventually result on the formation of quite a few curses, and the sorcerer would likely become some type of outcast due to this detriment.
In addition, the flow of excess CE through the body will certainly result in variable amounts of short and long-term damage depending on the amount of CE and the length of time.
Minor symptoms include, in increasing severity: tingling/burning sensations, minor nausea, headaches, and light sensitivity.
As amount sacrificed and length of time before healing increase, reckless sorcerers risk onset of Acute CE Poisoning. These symptoms are generally worse starting from joint aches, muscle cramps, and fatigue to early-onset aging, muscular dystrophy, and organ damage. End-stage CE Poisoning results in death from complications of skeletal deformities (and extreme pain associated with them) before eventual partial or full nerve paralysis and multiple organ failure. Even if the sorcerer eventually heals themselves and loses their bonus CE, the damage from CE Poisoning is generally irreversible.
For example: because the discoverer of BST broke the Binding Vow immediately, he only suffered the minor symptoms for a few weeks. But sacrificing a forearm just for a few minutes (long enough to win a fight) could reduce ones lifespan by as much as a decade

I still have a long way to go, of course. I started at 5'2" and 141 lbs. I hit 131 this morning though, and I'm super proud of myself for sticking with my diet because in the past I have always given up within a few days/weeks. My next goal is to hit 120 lbs, and then to get down to 105-110 lbs. My lowest I've ever been is 108 lbs, and I was pretty comfortable there so that's my ideal for now.
I try to eat around 1200 calories a day. I'm kind of short and my TDEE isn't the biggest, unfortunately. I also don't personally get much exercise (I have agoraphobia and share a small apartment with two other people) but I'm working on incorporating some at-home exercises into my routine. The weight loss is slow but steady.
I also have to give credit to my Vyvanse prescription for giving me a head start - I take it for ADHD and binge eating. It's also an appetite suppressant. I know not everyone can be on this medication, but for me it has been a godsend. My binging has stopped completely and I'm no longer hungry all the time. My doctor is aware of my weight loss and we both think this med is a great fit for me.
That's not to say the medication is a cure all. I still have been making conscious efforts to choose healthier, more filling food options and drinking plenty of water. I've been really liking protein bars, eggs, vegetables, and greek yogurt.
I also find that eating around the same times every day helps, my body's hunger cues seem to get used the routine and I'm not lefting craving snacks in-between. I also let myself indulge on occasion as long as it fits into my daily calories. I think I'd get pretty depressed if I could never have a treat again!
Anyways, I just wanted to share my progress and hopefully encourage others who are struggling to get that first 10 lbs down. I did have a plateau for a while and I know how frustrating that can be, but it's so worth it to ride it out. I hope everyone is doing well on their weight loss journey!

I’m curious as to the experience of anyone else who is on Zepbound and doesn’t have a gallbladder.
I had my gallbladder removed when I was 17 due to (what I now know what rapidly unhealthy) weight loss triggering gallstones. I’ve had to be careful in the 20-ish years since to make sure that I eat about the same amount of fat in a day—either too much more or less in any direction and things get unpleasant quickly.
I was tracking food intake with Zep, mostly to make sure I was getting enough protein and maintaining a healthy level of fat (because I’d read Zep can make people even more sensitive to fat). I needed to take a stool softener and up my fiber intake but was otherwise fine.
This last week, I ran out of Zepbound and about 9 days after my last dose, I had a terrible stomach ache—reminded me of back when I first got my gallbladder out, before I learned how to monitor my fat intake. I hadn’t eaten anything out of the ordinary, and didn’t overeat, but I was bloated and in a lot of pain.
I’m only on 5mg and don’t plan on going up anytime soon, and am just curious about anyone else who doesn’t have a gallbladder and has done on (or off) this med and what your experience was.

I have a loving wife. A dad that visit me everyday and a good internet friend I speak to almost every day, but...
The first nail. 15 years ago I had a girlfriend which was the love of my life. But she was diagnosed with several mental problems. In the start everything was nice, but then she stopped taking medicin, started drinking, doing drugs again and finally slept around. It ended when she was submitted to a psy ward and denied me comming to see her and I was blamed for everything, despite being the only stable thing in her world. One thing let to another and we broke up despite it broke my world. 1 year later I was told she had commited suicide. Maybe I should done more. But I was so lost and feel like I had tried everything to help her.. And I lost all my friends. Every single one...
The second nail: Life moved on. I got married to my now wife. But 10 years ago my wife and I found out we could not get pregnant. I had been infected with a STI from my ex which killed my sperm and my now wife just can't get pregnant. That caused a great deal of distress and grief. But we moved on. We got two lovely dog which we love above everything in the world. But maybe I should have followed others advice and adopted or trying other clinics to get pregnant.
The third nail: My mum died two years ago. She had cancer in her stomach. She was everything to me. She was my safety net. She was the one that kept the family together. She was always there and she promised me she would come down and see my new kitchen I had made... and then she died. She newer got to see it. I know its silly. Its just a kitchen.. but we had talked about it for years and years and when I finally could afford she could not see it. It broke my heart. She could have survived the cancer. She just dident want a stupid stoma bag. She could have lived if she just got that... but she diden't want to because... well because she thought it was disgusting. Maybe I could have talked her into it. I don't know. And it was near my birthday... which didn't make it any better. She always came with my birthday cake...
The fourth nail: My wife will do (almost) anything for me. No doubt there. But she has told me she newer wants to have sex with me again. Not because she don't love me. She just don't enjoy it anymore and just see it as a pointless thing to do. This one hurts. She don't know it really, because I have been supportive of her decission. But I really miss being intimate with her.
The fith nail: I said earlier we had two lovely dogs that we loved above everything. One of them died earlier this year. She was only 10 years old. But suddenly she started to have problems breathing and lost a lot of weight. Her mind was there. It was not her time. And I could have done more. I decided against CT scan, since we could not afford it and I really thought she would get better. But everything got bad fast.. like really fast. And we had to get her put down. If I had done more, maybe she would still be here...
The six nail: Our oldest dog is 15 years. This weekend we went on a trip and left her with my wives parents. When we came home, she (the dog) suddenly could hardly walk. She would fall over and not be able to orient herself. We went to the local vet, but they couldent do anything I told us to try and get time at a large vet hospital 300 km away. I was ready to take her there tommorow.
The final nail: This evening, on my birthday, she was placed in a dog stroller. I had just fed her and she was very hungry. I sat back in my chair when she suddenly jumped out of the stroller and landed on her head. She screamed. She had seizures. She screamed. We tried to call the vets. But nothing is open... I don't know what to do. My wife finally got her to calm down and sleep and now I am writing this. I know we will have to put her down tommorow. Everything else is just wrong.
I don't know what to do. I am broken. Like... I don't know how I move past this. I just can't handle it. My mind is broken. I am not suicidal. But I feel like such a failure...

Im 8dpo (31F lap turned abdominal. Kept ovaries and cervix) and i think im past the worst of it. While im still pretty much couch ridden, I figured I would put this out there to maybe help someone else preparing for their surgery! Obviously we all know these experiences are highly personal and will not be exactly like anyone elses experience, but I personally found it helpful gathering peoples experiences and reflecting based on what I know about myself so I thought id write the kind of post Id want to read! I tried to make easy to skim but also included plenty of details!
Heres some things Im glad I did beforehand

• washed and changed my bed sheets -cleaned my bathroom well
• moved things i knew i would need to a hight where I don’t have to bend down to get them. I moved my toilet paper to easy accessible places, my pj shirts and underwear on top of my dresser. Set up a bed stand for water and meds. Also moved my fridge around.
• as for buying stuff, i mostly had everything i needed but was glad to have comfy sweat pants, backless slippers and highwasted underwear. Also those rechargeable battery bricks were handy for charging my phone in the hospital or sitting somewhere not near an outlet. -exercised. Dont stress about this one, i know chronic pain is often the reason for this surgery. I had to stop my routine months before surgery for this reason. But I was glad to be familiar with proper squat form and have strong arms and legs to help get myself up and down without using my core. I also did yoga therapy that helped me understand how to transfer my weight to different parts of my body which helped too!

Heres some things i was extremely stressed about but ended up not being a problem
-Food. My mom came and cooked me some large portion of meals. I ended up throwing most of it away. The idea was to freeze some of it but it was too much of a hassle. I didn’t have much of an appetite and definitely gravitated towards things in the BRAT diet especially bread. I spent the first few days eating like i had the flu and was really sensitive to grease. My mom made wedding soup and it was too greasy. I think i could have survived this week just on a package of bagels and different spreads.
-cleaning and chores. Im pretty sure I have OCD.. this experience has confirmed it. I looked out at my thriving garden yesterday and said to my partner absent mindedly “wow. Things really thrive when im not out there being over involved “ and like wow that is a lesson i did not expect to learn. My partner has been clearing the dishes each day and did some more involved chores once this week. So if you live alone I would advise paper plates and maybe some to help ya once a week for the first week at least.
-in terms of my surgery i was really scared of having a catheter which i did end up needing to have for a day. It was weird but not at all painful. Honestly it was kind of the worst part of my recovery so far just because i felt i had to pee so bad while it was in. Idk if thats typical. Taking it out was not at all painful but also weird. They used the catheter to put sterile water back in my bladder. As soon as i felt a twinge of uncomfortable full feeling i told my nurse. She removed the catheter and i peed it back out no problem.
-being bored. This week has felt like one day. Since it takes me 10x as long to do anything, the days are flying by. I got myself plenty of low key things to do (crafts, activity books, ect) and haven’t even had time to do any of them yet! I still have a feeling this will change in the coming weeks though..
-having enough help. I secretly wished one of my friends or family members would stay with me for a while just so I could be the solo focus of their attention. I live with my partner and two dogs and he has been totally enough support. I needed help getting up and down up until about day 5. He also makes my meals and cleans them up for me and would bring me my meds and water the first few days. I think it makes sense if you live alone to have someone stay a week with you, but ive been fine and honestly anytime someone has come to “help” its just felt draining. I didn’t know how much of a hermit I would wana be.
-my dogs. I piled myself in pillows if i was sitting on the couch with them. I also had a no chew spray near by that we used when they were pups but only had to use it one time. My partner helped to coral them the first few days too. I have not yet been puppy stomped
-the stairs. Its been fine I just have to go slow.
Heres some things I found out along the way that were helpful

• keep cough drops in your pocket. Coughing aint fun and my throat was irritated from being intubated for about 4 days after surgery. Also keep the paper so you can spit em out when they’ve done the job if you want. I started getting a tummy ache from having too many.

-keep lil pillows by your toilet. The hospital gave me one that was plasticy and easy to wipe off (like an outdoor pillow insert). Or even a balled up towel would work. I couldn’t wear a binder because of all my incisions but this helped take the pressure off my stomach/incisions when i needed to have a bowel movement.
-if you stack pillows on either side of you, they can act as “arms” that are handy to push down on when you get up.
-sip your water and take your stool softeners as soon as they say you can! It took me until day 4 to poop but it was no problem when it happened.
-lots of deep slow breaths to calm your nerves and pain.

• those squeezable applesauce packs. Great for when you take your pain pills.

Heres some challenges I encountered that surprised me.
-my throat was so sore! For the first 4 days my throat was irritating, it felt like I had a flap of skin sticking down. The first day it hurt but the rest was just so annoying.

• breathing was a challenge. The first few days i was in bed, it was hard to breathe. I couldn’t take a Deep belly breath because of my incisions. I tried to regularly take a big breath filling my lungs though. Once i started being able to get up and walk around it became less of a problem. I think they have a tool for this at the hospital too but i was not offered it and forgot to ask.

-always laying on my back is getting old. I haven’t quite figured it out yet but im getting there.
-not really a challenge but my lower belly is numb. Apparently that can just happen (even long term). Which has actually been helpful since I can’t feel my lower abdominal incision at all
Lastly!! The pain/symptom scale: Day 0: honestly don’t remember much except feeling i need to pee and my throat being sore. Day 1: was still in the hospital. Pain like cramps and burning pain near certain incisions. I was able to walk the hall but very tired after. Sore throat. Day 2: burning pain near bellybutton incisions. Heavy lung feeling. Left the hospital. Day 3: heavy lung feeling. Pinching pain in incisions whenever I stood or sat. Had some moderate discharge that was yellowish with red and brown. Otherwise no pain Day 4: more like a sharp ache when i stood/sat. Discharge again but a very light amount. Day 5: felt strides..any pain was mild cramping. Tried to shower myself and make myself breakfast which led me to be very tired for the rest of the day. Day 6: most tired yet. Pain the same Day 7: felt like turning a page. Pain very little and energy very good.

for about an hour now i’ve been getting almost stabbing like pains in my upper side by my stomach and ribcage. my chest and back are also hurting.
i initially thought it was trapped wind but whenever i get that it’s always in my abdomen…never this high up.
i actually feel winded and it comes in like spasm waves. the rest of the time it’s just a minor dull ache across my back chest and stomach/ribcage. i can’t burp so don’t know if it’s just trapped air but my god i’m so uncomfortable.
i swallowed a ton of air on purpose earlier as i’m trying to get video evidence of my no burp gurgles for a specialist i plan to see, maybe that?
i’m gurgling a lot and sorry tmi farting and im pooping normally but not much
i’m hungry and not nauseous like my stomach is growling and i’ve only eaten 2 tiny brownies today so i know i’m probably not sick but wow it’s making me scared. i hate feeling bad so much :(

/uw Part four is here! Here's part one, part two, and part three! This one's probably a little more unpolished than the other ones, but I hope that doesn't ruin it! CW: Death, blood. I made a render in blender, but it got the post removed! Take two!
/rw
The end of the book, thin as it is, draws near. The text is overwritten dozens of times, always with the same phrase: "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT". Same as the other pages, though, it's easy enough to look past the bad coverup job. History cannot be erased, after all.
...
When I arrived at the hospital, I was in bad shape. I had a fractured skull, a missing eye, a lesion in my frontal lobe, and I was in hypovolemic shock. They didn't think I was going to make it.
It was a miracle that I even woke up from my two-week coma, but it wasn't all perfect. From the moment I opened my eye(s), I didn't know where I was. I had to relearn everything. My name, my address, my identity... They were all gone.
It was as if I was a new man who'd been transported into a stranger's body. Everyone talked to me as if they knew me, but I couldn't say the same for them. Especially that drow, Eldred. He claimed we were childhood friends. Every day, he'd tell me stories of our history together, but they were stories I never wanted to hear. It felt wrong listening to him talk, knowing there was a man who knew more about me than I did.
The moment I was discharged, I fled to my apartment. I drew the blinds, locked the door, and cut off all contact from the outside world. I wanted to run away from it all, to start a new life, not some travesty of another man's life.
After a few days of my isolation, Eldred (presumably) got worried about me, and came knocking on my door. I didn't answer. I wanted nothing to do with him—or anyone, for that matter. He was a remnant of my old life, and I couldn't let him influence me.
A couple days later, he did the same thing. He offered some kind, reassuring words through the door and left. He did this again, and again, and again, for weeks. I was running low on food and supplies, so I was faced with a choice: leave my safe haven, or starve to death in my own home. I didn't like either option. Although... there was another way.
After 17 days of his repeated attempts, I finally answered the door.
"Ith!" Eldred cheered. "You... you really answered!"
"Yeah."
"So uh... Have you been doing alright?"
"I'm fine."
He looked over my shoulder. "Have... you not left the house?"
"Not yet."
"Jesus, Ithael..." He pulled me in for a hug, but I didn't react. "Do you, uh, need anything?"
"Could... you go to the market for me?"
He let go of me. "Yeah, of course! I'll... I'll be back!"
"Alright."
I slammed the door in his face. Just another echo of my old life, that's all he was... A few hours later, he knocked on the door again. I almost didn't answer, but then I remembered he had my groceries.
He exclaimed with clearly-forced optimism, "Heyyyy! Hope you've been alright! So, I was thinking, and... I was wondering if you wanted to do dinner together?"
"Not out there. Never out there. Here. Please."
"I figured you'd say that... so I got ingredients! I found this recipe for some pan-seared chicken in the library earlier, and it sounded really good!"
"...Alright." I took the bags from him and walked over to the kitchen. "Come inside."
"I, uh, was going to make it for you—"
"It's fine," I interjected.
I rummaged through the bags for the cookbook he talked about and flipped through the pages. It didn't look too difficult to make, but I wasn't sure how I knew that. This was the first time I had cooked anything, after all.
Assumedly hearing the pans clattering, Eldred wandered over to the counter, sitting down in a chair across from me. "Need a hand?"
"I'm alright."
"Are you sure? I mean, you were just—"
"Shut it," I commanded. I didn't mean to be so stern. What had come over me? I decided to brush it off. The recipe called for a diced onion... I needed a knife.
He slumped down in his seat. "Sorry... I, uh, got these books for you, by the way."
I glanced up from the cutting board. "...'Healing trauma: a guide for survivors'? And... 'How to cure amnesia'?" I scoffed. "If they could have fixed it, they would have, Eldred. It's incurable."
"We can't know until we try!" He strolled over into the kitchen, flipping to a bookmarked page. "See? This one here says—"
"It doesn't matter."
"Ithael... I'm here for you, man. I'm just trying to help—"
"And I don't care."
I focused myself back to the task at hand, ignoring his look of disdain. The room fell uncomfortably silent. I needed to fillet the chicken. I rummaged through the bags, trying to find—
"Seriously?" Eldred huffed. "I put in all of this work, and you just... don't care?"
"Never asked for it." Now, where was I? Right, chicken—
"That doesn't mean anything! Let me help you, you're clearly struggling!"
"I could manage without you." I continued to avoid eye-contact.
"Why are you so dead-set on pushing me out of your life?!"
"You were never in it to begin with, Eldred. I'm not the Ithael you knew."
"And who cares that you aren't?! Can't we still be friends?"
I tried to explain, "You're just a remnant of my past—"
"And that's an excuse to treat me like shit?! You know what?" He grabbed the books. "I'm done trying to fix you."
"Fix me?" I scoffed. "So I'm a problem, then? Something to be solved?—"
"You're twisting my words! Why... Why do you hate me?!"
"Face it: I'm a different person! Move on with your life, already!"
"What gives you the right to say that?!"
"Oh, what gives me the right?!" I waved the knife around a little too recklessly. "Were you just in a coma for two weeks? Did you just get thrown into a world that knows you better than yourself?! Where's your excuse, huh?!"
"...What do you want from me, Ithael?"
"I want you to get out of my life!"
Time slowed to a crawl as a deep pit formed in my stomach. I yanked my hand back like I'd touched a hot stove, and the knife... clattered to the floor. That look in his eyes... I'd never forget it. I had never seen a man so afraid before.
He grasped at his neck, his face turning pale as his hands soaked with blood. He fell to his knees, mouthing some words at me, but the only sound that came out was a sickening gurgle. He struggled to keep his balance as he fell flat on his face. His breathing grew labored and shaky as he lay there, a crimson puddle forming around his neck.
I knew that I should have gotten help, but, no matter how hard I tried, all I could do was watch. He cried onto the tiled ground, his breathing growing quieter and quieter, until he finally went silent.
What had I done?
...
It seems that he forgot to put any kind of warding spell on this newspaper clipping, as if he didn't expect anyone to get this far. Or perhaps he was too preoccupied with deceiving himself.
"As rumors regarding the disappearance of Eldred Wyndorn continue to circulate, the enigmatic Ithael Ralich opens a new therapist's office. In response to the whispers, Ithael states, 'There's a profound lack of support in this world, and every person could stand to have someone like Eldred by their side. I hope I can step up and fulfill a role he would have approved of.'
In other news, authorities are taking steps to curb the rising number of missing persons cases. Officials urge citizens to adhere to newly-instated curfew until the threat is solved, but claim there's nothing to worr—"

Young Luke Is Sitting In The Car With His Mom They're Singing A Song Together
L: So Mom When Exactly Are We Going To Paris
M: In About 2 Weeks
L: Man I'm Sooo Excited I Always Wanted To Go There
M: Yeah I Am Too It's Said To Be The Romanti....
The Car Crashes And Luke Hits His Head And Is Knocked Out
He Wakes Up His Vision Is Really Blurry But He Sees A Truck Pulling Off
L: Wha... What The....Mom Mom Where Are You Mom!!!!
Luke Is Sitting At Home While The Police Is Talking To His Dad
A Day Later He Comes Down Stairs And Sees His Dad Crying
He Walks To His Room With His Friends
O: Hey You Ok
L: No I...I Wanna Find Out Who Did That To My Mom I Saw A Truck Leaving When That Happened
O: So What Do Think It Was
L: I Don't Know Might Have Been A Hit And Run Or Maybe It Was Planned I Don't Know But I'm Gonna Catch Whoever That Was
3 Years Later
L: Ok Bye Dad Love Ya
D: Bye Luk...
Luke Slames The Door
D:...Bye
Luke Runs Too School
Jack Gets Up And Walks Down Stairs And Sees His Mom Cooking And His Dad With A Beer In His Hand Sleep He Walks Outside And Walks To School
Owen Jumps Up And Runs Outside
M: Owe....
Owen Slams The Door And Runs To School
They All Meet Up
L: Yooo Owen What's Up Man
O: Hey Luke What's Up
J: Hey Guys
L: Hey Jack How You Been
J: I've Been Good
L: Hey You Haven't Been In School For 3 Days What Happened
J: Ooo Nothing Just Some Family Stuff
L: Oh Ok.....So My Uncle Said That The Base Is Gonna Be Finished Today So We Can Become Heroes Man
J: Seriously Ok I'm Ready
O: Yeah I'm Gonna Beat Up So Many Villains
They All Walk Into The School
Intro Start's
M: Ok I Know You Guys Must Be Confused Basically Nine Months Ago I Found A Metal Bat In My School And Thought WOW I Could Use This To Fight Crime Like I Always Wanted Too So I Asked My Uncle To Put Some Tech Into This Bat But Then He Offered To Builf Me A Base To Be In He's Rich And So I Asked My Best Friends If They Want In And They Jumped At The Opportunity And Well That's About It
Schools Done
Owen Is In His Boxing Club
Luke Is In The Tech Club
And Jack Goes Home
Later That Day
Luke Comes Home
L: Hey Dad Sorry For Earlier I Was In A Rush
D: That Ok So How Was School
L: Nice I Guess I Was Waiting On Something So I Didn't Really Do Anything In School
D: What Are You Excited For
L: Nothing Really Just Something Small
D: Oh Ok Then
Luke Runs Upstairs
Owen Runs In The Basement
And Jack Goes In His Room
Luke Goes In His Closet And Goes To The Base
They All Come Down At The Same Time
L: Wowww!!!!!
Luke Runs Over To The Suit
L: Woah All This Tech And Is This A Nano Tech Sword
Luke Hugs His Uncle
L: Thanks So Much
U: Your Welcome
U: Hey Owen You Still Practicing That Move I Told You About
O: Of Course
U: Jack You Still Using The Computer I Got You
J: Yep And Thanks For That It's Really Helped Me With My Detective Research
U: And Jack You've Mastered The Art Of.....The Bat
L: Ha Yeah As Much As I Can
U: Alright Then This Is The Official Base For QuantumStrike
They All Smile
U: And I've Got One More Surprise For You Guy's
L: What
U: Look
They Look And See A Truck
LOJ: WOW
They All Go To The Truck
L: Wow This Is Awesome
U: Go Inside
L: Um Ok
The Truck Door Opens
They All Look Shocked
They Walk Inside The At See A Base
L: What The How Is Thi Possible
U: It's A Mix Of Nano Tech Shape Morphing Technology Holographic Projection And Adaptive Exterior Panels
L: I Can't Believe This Is Real!
U: Alright Now Come Out
They All Come Out
U: Ok So It Can Also Be A House Inside For Just Chilling Or Anything Like That
L: What Man Your The Best Uncle Ever Thanks
U: No Problem Now I Gotta Go But Enjoy Guys
He Leaves
They Look At The The Armor's
L: So I Already Mine Is Gonna Be The One With The Bat So What Are You Guys Picking
O: Well I Like Hand To Hand Fighting More So I'ma Go With The That One
J: Already Well That Leaves Me The One With The Sword Which I Like Anyway
L: Ok Then Well We Picked I Wonder If We Will Meet Any Superheroes Out There
J: Hopefully
L: Ok Soo We're Gonna Go And Rest And After School We're Gonna Come Back
J: Alright Then See You Guys Tomorrow
L: Alright Then Bye Guys
O: See You Later
They All Leave
Owen Lays Down
Luke Goes Down Stairs
And Jack Goes To Bed
His Mom Comes In The Room
M: Hey Jack
J: Hey Mom
M: Dinners Ready
J: Ok I'ma Be Done In One Second
M: Ok
The Door Is About To Close
M: And Hey
J: Yeah
M: I Love You
J: I Love You Too
Owen Goes Down Stairs
D: Hey Owen
O: Hey
D: So What Do You Want For Dinner
O: Anything I Guess Doesn't Matter
D: Well..Ok Then Burgers It Is
O: K
His Dad Pauses And Turn's Around
D: Look Owen I Know This Divorce Has Been Hard On You But Please Work With Me A Little
O: Mabye YOU Should Have Worked On Your Relationship
D: HEY LOOK THAT IS NOT FAIR
O: WHAT'S NOT FAIR IS THIS MESS OF A LIFE A IM IN RIGHT NOW YOU KNOW WHAT IM NOT HUNGRY
Owen Get's Up And Storms Out
Jack Goes To The Kitchen And Sees His Dad
J: Hey Dad How Was Work
D: What Do You Think Terrible As Hell
M: Jake He Was Just Trying To Talk To.....
D: Did I Ask You What He Wanted
J: Sorry For Asking Dad
They Sit Down
She Gives Them Their Food
D: What The Hell Is This
M: A Burger Jake
D: I Wanted Steak
M: Well You Never Told Me That Jake
D: I've Been Telling You That For A Week I Work Everyday And I Can't Get Some Damn Steak
M: Jack Go Up Stairs
J: O..Ok
They Start Arguing
He Covers His Ears
J: Damnit!!!
He Goes In His Closet And Goes To The Base
J: Well Guess I'm Here Alone
He Looks At The Car
And Remembers The Inside Could Be A House
He Presses The Button The Inside Starts Transforming
He's About To Go In
U: Hey Jake Is That You
J: Y.. Yeah Sir Sorry I Just Needed Somewhere To Go
U: Oh You Ok
J: Yeah I'm Fine I'm Just Bored
U: You Wanna Train A Bit
J: Um Ok
They Start Training With His Sword
U: Ok Now Do This
He Swings The Sword
U: Now When You Swing A Sword Mostly Use Your Lower Back Torso And Shoulders
J: Ok Then
He Swings The Sword Better This Time
U: Ok Ok Good
J: Ok Thanks Sir
U: Wait One More Thing
J: What
U: Wanna See The Powers It Has
J: Yes!!
Luke Sits Down At The Dinner Table
L: Hey Dad
D: Hey Luke Soo I Made Burgers
L: Oh Thanks Dad
His Dad Sits Down And Gives Luke The Food
They Eat The Food
L: Ok Thanks Dad I'ma Go To Sleep
D: Luke Wait
He Turn's Around
L: Yeah Dad
D: Im Gonna Go See Your Mother Tomorrow And I Would Like It If You Would Finally Come With Me
L: No I'm Ok Dad
D: JAKE
HE Stands There
D: You Have To Go See Her Eventually
L: No I Don't
D: But Why
L: I JUST
He Stands There
L: Bye
He Walks Away
His Dad Looks Down
He Goes Up Stairs
And Cry's
The Next Day
They All Come To School
L: Hey Guys
O: Hey
J: Yeah Hey
They Go Into School
L: Hey Guys What's Up
E: Hey Luke
S: Hey Luke Can You Help
L: Yeah Oh Our Robot What's Wrong
S: He's Glitching When We Try To Make Him Walk
L: Oh That's A Easy Fix
He Fix's The Robot
S: Thanks Luke
L: No Problem
Owen Enters The Ring
O: Alright Who Am Training With
M: Me
O: Oh Mark Hey
T: Ok So Owen What's Your Strategy
O: Swing Fast
T: Ok Owen Swinging Fast Can't Be Your Only Sta..
Owen Swings And Misses
He Gets Punched And Falls
O: Damn
He Punches The Guy Twice And Knocks Him Down
The Guy Gets Up And He Tries To Hit Him Again But Gets Knocked Out The Ring
T: Oh
M: Oh Man I'm Sorry You Ok
O: Yeah Yeah I'm Fine Good Job Man
Jack Is Walking Through The School With His Earphones In And A Guy Pushes Him
He Looks Back
B: Oh Sorry
He Laughs And Walks Away
He Looks Down And Walks Into Class
They Leave School
L: Alright Team Let's Go
J: Hey Luke Can I Go To Your House Instead
L: Um....Ok
J: Thanks
They Go To Luke's House And Goes Upstairs
J: Where's Your Dad
L: Um He Went To See...My Mom
J: Why Didn't You Go
L: No Reason Jack Um You Ready
J: Um.. Yeah
L: Ok
Luke Goes Into The Closet Then Jack Goes
They Enter The Base
L: Hey Owen Where My Uncle
O: I Don't Know
L: Hmm Ok Well Let's Train A Bit
O: Alright
They Get There Weapons
U: Hey Everyone
L: Hey Unk
U: So You Guys Training
L: Yeah
U: Yeah You Guys Seen The News
L: Um No
Owen Turns On The TV
NR: Amazing Lightning Strike Has Defeated Another Dangerous Criminal
They Show Footage Of Him Defeating The Criminal
L: Wow Amazing
J: I Hope I Can Meet Them
O: Me Too
U: Speaking Of Lightning Luke
L: Yeah
U: You Wanna See What That Bat Can Do
L: Yeah Definitely
The Alarm Goes Off
They All Look
L: Well Guy's Looks Like Our First Mission Is Here Let's Go
They Suit Up And Walk To The Truck
L: Alright Let's G....
Luke Falls In The Car
L: Owww What The Who Turned The Inside Into House
J: Who Huh That's My Bad Sorry
L: Oh Why Were...Let's Go
The Truck Drives Into The City
They Get Out The Car And There's People Running
L: I Wonder Who We're Fighting
O: Luke Watch
Luke Get's Punched Into A Wall
L: Owww
Owen Tries To Punch The Villain But He Grabs Owen And Throws Him Into A Wall G my Jack Is The Only Person There
J: Gravity Grip
It Doesn't Work And He Gets Punched Into A Car
Him And Luke Tries To Hit Him Again But They Get Grabbed
They Try To Get Away But He's Not Letting Go
Owen Punches Him In The Stomach With A Giant Hand And He Hits Into The Bank
L: Nice Job
O: Thanks
J: So He Definitely Has Super Strength
L: Yeah.... Alright I'ma Take The Lead
He Walks Up To Him
The Villain Get's Up And They Both Stand There hu

 THE END 

What is deception? According to the Cambridge dictionary deception is "the act of hiding the truth, especially to gain an advantage". In the world we live in, where we are kept ignorant by the established control structures we are deceived all the time in order to place our trust in them. They find and use new ways to deceive us all the time. Their aim, of course, is to keep us ignorant in order to manipulate us without our knowledge to achieve their agenda - whatever that may be. The greatest deception was carried out by the master of deception - Satan himself. "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world that he doesn't exist."
Ignorance is bliss. Knowledge is power.
If a person has cancer and does not know it then the cancer will eventually result in definite death. If that same person became aware of the cancer then at least there is a fighting chance that the cancer will be defeated. The world today is suffering. So many issues are running unabated due to our ignorance. The wars are a significant cause for the climate change we see and we are distracted with replacing gas gazzling vehicles. The political class is empowered simply to keep us distracted by whatever means possible. Democracy is a system which gives the illusion of self determination and control while in reality we see that it does nothing for the people who are duped by elections. The status quo carries on or becomes much worse and the cycle continues.
Who benefits?
Just as Satan has greater power when he is believed to be imaginary, the servants of Satan also use deception to empower themselves for the sole purpose elevating themselves above the rest. How they benefit depends on what their objective is. The war mongers get more war. The power hungry get more power. The greedy take more. The system they have worked tirelessly to impose on us in secret over centuries had reached the pinnacle of operation. Humanity is enslaved by invisible shackles and kept distracted so that true freedom is always out of reach. Like a hamster in a wheel, humanity is kept in this situation of subservience.
Why?
True freedom would mean that humanity would become much greater than it currently is. Our limits would extend beyond this planet all problems would be solved. There would be no hunger. There would be no suffering. There would be no inequality. No illness. No conflict.
How?
Throughout time, since the dawn of creation, there has been a battle. A struggle. Light vs darkness. The prince of darkness had always had an agenda to prove to The Source of Light - God. It relates to the real story of creation and Adam pbuh. When God had placed the soul within the physical body of Adam and commanded the Angels to prostrate to him, one stood tall a refused. Since then he, Satan, has been on a mission to prove that his creation - mankind - was unworthy of being submitted to despite there being a soul within from God.
God is the finest of planners.
It was always God's plan to overcome the Satanic agenda. Light was always going to defeat darkness. This plan always revolved around the very same concept. God always blew His spirit in to one man. A man who represents God in every day and age. All creation would submit to this man who carried the will of God. Today, that man is calling the world to support him against the Satanic agenda. He had come with the will of God. He is empowered by it. It has been ordained that this man will be victorious where no man had before. Darkness will fall at his feet.
Deception will end.
When this man, the Riser of the family of Muhammad, establishes the kingdom of heaven on Earth, justice and peace will be implemented. All problems will be solved. No human will go hungry. No animals will suffer. The climate will return to good health. All illnesses will be cured. Development will accelerate beyond imagination. Space will be attainable to the masses not just the privileged.
The only requirement is acceptance and support.
Will you accept the leadership of Truth? Will you support he who is empowered by God to guide? What would you give to see the world fixed on every level?

Hi, I just started taking 10 mg of Prozac about two weeks ago. It’s my first time taking antidepressants and my psychiatrist told me that loss of appetite or an increased appetite may be a symptom while my body is adjusting to it.
I didn’t notice any changes my very first week of taking it however this second week has made me not hungry like at all. I can usually eat full meals without any trouble and always have cravings for different foods however the thought of eating has made me feel kind of sick recently. Each time I try and force myself to eat, I feel nauseous and can’t finish.
Weird thing is that I still can tell I’m “hungry” and my stomach will still growl but food just doesn’t sound good at all and I can only get a few bites down at once. For anyone who has experienced this, how long did it last? Or is it still a problem for you? I don’t really need to lose any weight so I’m kind of weary about this side effect and hope it goes away soon :(

Hi,
I need opinions.
My 6/7 year old dog has had a few health concerns. A few months ago, she had a lump on her chest. I made the decision to wait a week to see if it resolved on it's own. It didn't, we made an appointment. We got to the vet and unfortunately it resolved when the appointment occurred.
I told them she was otherwise fine. I mentioned she had vomiting a few months prior, but that had resolved too. They told me to watch things and bring her in if anything pops up. We joked that I paid $80 for her to get belly rubs.
About a month ago she started having a weird breathing situation going on. It resembled what she did when she would be having an anxiety situation. We didn't notice any triggers, and I decided to monitor for a week. She was eating a little less, but she is normally picky and regularly gives me trouble eating, so this didn't really throw a red flag for me.
After monitoring, we made a vet appointment. The vet did an exam and determined it to be anxiety induced. We upped her trazodone.
A week later, still no improvement. I called and made another appointment. Unfortunately, though, the day I made an appointment, she just had a 180. She started having some serious issues and we made the decision to take her to the emergency vet. The vet there was able to do an exam and suspected cancer without any invasive testing. She did mention she did an ultrasound review of her and found fluid (and I think this isn't a normal exam for vets). She also said that her back leg seemed to have a mass on it that she was concerned about. Her stomach was also considerably bloated despite not eating much.
We are moving forward with some treatment (likely chemo) to keep her as comfortable as possible, but all of those decisions are still pending. I want her to pass comfortably, not necessarily have her with us longer (though I won't complain about a few extra months).
But I have another dog. And I will have more dogs in the future. And I feel I may need to consider this situation and how things were handled. Obviously there's not much to do with cancer from a curing perspective, but the fact that I had to go to the emergency vet to find out really bothers me. My dog was to the vet twice, and there was no indication of concern from the vet for her. Everything was chill and "let's start with this and see if it helps". Maybe it's because she is so young? The next steps would not have even unveiled the cancer, because we did those in the hospital and they were inconclusive (X-rays). There was a blood test involved that might have? The cancer was diagnosed via ultrasound and drainage of the fluid in her lungs. So I don't even know when we would have gotten to that point.
What are your thoughts? Is this maybe just that easy to pass up? Or maybe it literally could have shown up within a week? For the record we also did not notice her leg having the issue.
Im just having a lot of guilt for not noticing the signs sooner and I want to make the right decisions for her, and my other dog in the future.