I'm 15M 165cm 86kg and i was wondering if 114 grams of protein and 1500 kcal would be good for weight loss? i'm concerned if this would also stunt my growth
I also walk at least 10k steps a day
foods:
Whole milk 1000g
Boiled chicken drumsticks 300g
Soft boiled eggs 150g
Apple 250g

I am taking a leaf out of u/Molehill_Mountains book and starting a sort of diary/journal format to accompany the journey I'm about to go on. I'm unsure if this will be any help to anyone, I don't mind just talking into the void, but I feel like it will work well for me in terms of progress and accountability.
First of all, I'm a 34F from Scotland. I'm 5ft 4 inches and my current (starting) weight is 289.3lbs, with a BMI of 49. Let me tell you it was a shock when I converted lbs to stone and seen that that's 20.6 stone. I have never, ever been this heavy. I've always been a larger girl but this is out of control. I was already planning on starting a diet this week (I've just come back from 2 weeks in Spain and wanted to 'go out with a bang' so to speak!) and had been contemplating Mounjaro, but once I saw the numbers I got the fright of my life and decided to bite the bullet.
So this is technically week 0 - I haven't took the first dose of Mounjaro yet, but I do have it in the fridge waiting for me to start on Friday after work.
I'm choosing Friday afternoon because, in the first instance, the weekends are when I tend to snack and over indulge far too much while sitting at home, so I'd like the effects to be strongest over the weekend. But also, if I have any side effects, I'd rather be at home than sitting in work.
My partner is also starting this journey alongside me. He's very unhappy with his weight. I wont go into his stats here because those are his private details and not mine to share, but he weighs slightly less than me, but not by much. I'm hoping that by doing it together, we will be even more likely to succeed.
We are getting married next October and both wanted to lose weight for that, but I don't think either of us realised just how dire the situation is.
Our weight is definitely affecting our relationship. Not in a 'we're rocky' way, no no, we're definitely a very strong, loving couple. But both of us are, quite frankly, disgusted by our own bodies, which really knocks the confidence, which means neither of us really want to be intimate or display any physical affection for each other, not from lack of love, just from being so self-conscious about our own bodies.
We were both on Ozempic before and it definitely did curb hunger... for about a week. After that it felt like it wasn't really doing anything at all, for either of us. We were only on it for about 6 weeks, and as soon as we hit one week of not being able to get it due to stock shortages, we just... stopped using it and ballooned back up. I lost about 6lbs on Ozempic and my partner was about 8lbs but it came straight back, and then some.
So I'm going into this cautiously optimistic. I have a 'It's going to work this time' mentality and I've already started my diet this week. I'm also considering intermittent fasting, but I think I will broach that after a few weeks being on Mounjaro so I can see how it affects me.
I've read the 'first time' tips and things on here, but I'm happy to hear anything else anyone might think will be helpful. :)

Part Two: The Solitude of This Fire
Chapter 6
Location: Hust Forge. Hust Henarald's conference room
POV: Kellaras
After making Kellaras wait some days, Hust Henarald finally grants him an audience and says "One day, I will be a child again". These words seem to be nonsense to Kellaras. While waiting for his audience he noticed the Hust Forge never stops working. Henarald goes on to say we all war with two parts of ourselves and both make weapons from anything at hand. Henarald asks Kellaras if Anomander simply wants a sword or to join the Hust Legion. He doesn't think Urusander's Legion would like that very much. Kellaras says he knows the request of a sword is unusual at this time. Henarald responds by saying others will see it as political. Perhaps even a secret allegiance. Kellaras is put off balance by Henarald's pragmatic responses and then shifting into ending each with "One day I will be a child again." Henarald asks for specs and Kellaras says Anomander wants the sword to be silent. Henarald responds by asking if he would prefer a gagged weapon and if Anomander will hide it's origin. Kellaras tells Henarald that Anomander wants his swords spine to be quenched in the purity of Darkness itself. Henarald muses on power and says those with the most power have the greatest fear and that means power is meaningless and delusional. Kellaras counters that the Forulkan would have enslaved the Tiste with their power had they won, but they lost to the power of the Tiste. Henarald responds, "A triumph in solitude makes a hollow sound, and to every glory proclaimed the heavens make no answer".
Kellaras reiterates that his master requests a sword. Henarald responds "To take the blood of Darkness". Kellaras is surprised by this as Mother Dark is not Azathanai. Henarald asks how she feeds her power and if now that Anomander knows the secret of House Hust if he will use it for political gain. Kellaras says his Lord is the ultimate secret keeper. Henarald agrees to forge Anomander's sword, but requires that he be present at the quenching of it by darkness to witness if it is blood Mother Dark uses. Kellaras tells him he won't be able to see anything and leaves the chamber trembling mostly upset by Henarald's repeated assertions that he will return to childhood.
Kellaras goes to the main hall where there is feast taking place. He pushes aside his doubts and is proud that he got Henarald's agreement to make the sword. He searches out Galar Baras and finds him leaning against a pillar staring at a woman that had just entered. Kellaras sees her see Galar Baras and watches her stiffen. The woman is Toras Redone. Kellaras notes that even grimed from hard travel she is beautiful and makes his way to Galar. Galar asks if Henarald spoke to Kellaras of childhood. Kellaras says yes, but does not understand. Kellaras invites Galar to join a table and Galar accepts though he tells him he can't drink. Galar tells the captain that the childhood thing troubles them all. Kellaras asks him to call him by his name and not rank. Galar says that Henarald claims that he is losing his recent memories, but no one can see any evidence of this. Galar tells Kellaras of a sickness called Loss of Iron that afflicts smiths. Kellaras tells Galar that in his meeting Henarald was sharp and focused. No evidence of a crumbling mind. Galar asks if he will tell Anomander of this. Galar says it has no bearing on the creation of the sword and says his master would likely just say returning to childhood isn't a bad idea.
POV: Galar Baras
Kellaras gets drunk and stumbles off and now Galar has to be alone with his thoughts and heartache at the presence of Toras Redone. She was still holding court at one of the tables and after a while she shuffles over to him. She comments on her husband transferring as far away as he could. She tells Galar that he is a pariah in the citadel. That people think him arrogant and dismissive. She knows that's not him, so is puzzled. She says he should have sex with the priestesses. That celibacy is not for soldiers. He should feed his appetites. Galar responds by asking if she is well fed. The barb slides off of her and she says well enough. She says she is certain that her husband stays true to her and that leads her to infidelity. Galar does not understand this. She changes the subject and says she has missed him. She tells him to go to bed, but he knows he won't be alone for long. He compares himself to Toras Redone's husband, Calat Hustain, knowing that both spend their nights alone, "because it was in their nature to choose it: to remain alone in the absence of love"
Location: Neret Sorr
POV: Kadaspala
With Osserc and Hunn Raal gone, Kadaspala is having a more enjoyable time having dinners with Urusander. The painting however was still irritating to him. He doubts anyone will see below the surface of his painting. He is finished and will leave in the morning. "There is but one god, and its name is beauty. There is but one kind of worship, and that is love. There is for us but one world, and we have scarred it beyond recognition". Kadaspala now truly sees Urusander and is terrified. Urusander asks him why he chose to accept this request. Kadaspala says he's denied hundreds, but if anyone can prevent a civil war, it's the man in the portrait. Although his thoughts imply that that may not be the same man standing before him.
Location: House Enes lands
POV: Cryl Durav
On his short self-imposed exile from the wedding preparations, Kryl finds the antlers of a long dead Eckalla. A symbol of triumph. Cryl thinks the triumph is hollow. Hunting for food was once a necessity, but that necessity bred traditions that resulted in the extinction of this animal. Thinking back on his youth he dreamt of discovering a new world free of Tiste where he could become prey and know the thrill of fear. Enesdia was also present in these fantasies. He thinks, "He had been trained for war just as he had been taught how to hunt and how to slay, and these were deemed necessary skills in preparation for adulthood. How sad was that?".
His horse notices some movement and he sees a troop of Tiste riders approaching. This makes no sense as there is no reason for them to come here on there way to somewhere else. Cryl rides to meet them and sees that they lead a score of Jheleck children. There were no chains. The captain of the company asks why Cryl is out this far and Cryl tells him who he is. The captain breaks in and says Cryl is probably fleeing the frenzy of the coming marriage. The captain introduces himself as Scara Bandaris and says there are two reasons for him being here, one trying to figure out what to do with the Jheleck hostages and two to attend the wedding. Cryl agrees to escort them all to house Enes. Scara perceptively guesses that Cryl is out here because he is in love with Enesdia. He says he will say no more on the subject.
There are 25 Jheleck children. Scara says they will raise wolves in these children. Cryl says he's heard they are more like hounds. Scara says hostage taking may come back to bite them. Scara laughs at his own joke and forces a smile onto Cryl's face. Cryl feels a little better.
Location: House Enes
POV: Enesdia
Enesdia is upset that Cryl has been gone for a few days. She searches out her father and overdramatically asks him why they are shirking their responsibility to their hostage. She says, "For all you know he could be lying at the bottom of a well, legs shattered and dying of thirst" Jaen responds "Dying of thirst in a well?" he tells her he sent him on a search for Eckalla. She says that's a hopeless quest. Jaen says Cryl's familiar with those. Enesdia asks what he means. Jaen responds that his time with House Enes is ending. It has only now struck Enesdia that her companion will not be at her side much longer. Enesdia laments the fact that Cryl's family has only one occupation. He will be a soldier like his only living brother, Spinnock. She muses that she could ask Andarist to offer Cryl a commission in the citadel, far away from fighting. Cryl would never know, but he would be safe.
Location: House Drukorlas
POV: Orfantal
Orfantal is standing near the estate road with Wreneck, a stable boy that used to be his friend. They are also standing near an old nag horse. They have been standing for some time. They are being circled by 3 feral dogs that have smelled the food that Orfantal carries. Orfantal wished he knew why Wreneck stopped being his friend, but it seemed impossible to ask now. Orfantal has all of his possessions in a trunk. They are not much. Orfantal thinks he could fit in there too, ready to be discarded. Wreneck is 10, Orfantal is 5. His grandmother is sending him off somewhere to learn how to grow up. He knows there will be a time when unhappiness comes into his life as it does with every boy. A wagon pulls up. It will be his ride to wherever he is going. Wreneck makes sure they know that he is going to the citadel and that he is nobleborn. Wreneck tells Orfantal that the old horse is blind in her left eye, so don't let anything ride on that side of her. Orfantal says goodbye to Wreneck and Wreneck waves dismissively and leaves.
POV: Wreneck
Wreneck turns from some distance to watch them leave with tears running down his face. He resolves himself to return to the "evil hag" and now he doesn't even have Orfantal to make his life easier. Nerys Drukorlat had forbidden him from playing or even speaking to Orfantal. She would fire him if he did. His mother and father and sisters relied on his income. He wished he could have played with Orfantal this entire morning and hugged him goodbye, but he was afraid of the evil hag.
Location: Toras Keep. On the road to the Citadel
POV: Orfantal
The party makes camp and the scarred old man who loaded Orfantal's trunk says that this is likely his horse's last journey. Orfantal is sad to not even know the horses name and wonders what things she has seen in her life. He decided that she had been a warhorse and saved her rider many times, but not from the betrayal that finally killed him. The leader of the troop introduces himself to Orfantal as Haral and tells him not to call him sir. He tells him he guards merchants and that's all. Orfantal asks about bandits. Haral says there are some Deniers. Haral tells Orfantal that he will be sharing Gripp's tent. The man who took care of his horse. He says that Gripp can be trusted and not some of the other men in the party.
Haral says after this he will be joining House Dracon's houseblades. Orfantal asks if he was a soldier once. Haral says few weren't in his generation. Orfantal introduces himself. Haral asks why she named him that. His name is a Yedan dialect. The holy language of the monks, Shake. Narad, one of the guards, says it means unwanted and laughs. Haral tells him to keep his mouth shut on this journey and tells Orfantal his name doesn't mean unwanted, it means unexpected. Narad laughs again and Haral savagely kicks him in the face then punches him. He then walks away from the unconscious guard. Orfantal is trembling and his heart is beating fast. Gripp comes over and calms him down. He says it's discipline and Narad was pushing for weeks. Orfantal now has a face to put to all the faceless betrayers in his war games. Narad. Gripp shows Orfantal how to raise a tent.
Location: Within sight of Dracon's Hold
POV: Ivis
Ivis and Sandalath are riding towards the hold. Ivis tells her that Draconus will be gone for several weeks still. Her body tells him that she probably had a child, but that's none of his business. She is now a hostage at House Dracon's and she will be treated well. Sandalath asks where Draconus comes from. Ivis says even his servants do not know, but he proved his worth in the war. Ivis is upset at the discipline now presented by his houseblades and resolves to fix it. Sandalath is being led to a warm bath and thanks Ivis. He responds, "My pleasure, milady". Hilith the head of the house maids does not like him calling her a lady as she is only hostage now. She lets him know it. Ivis says, "Old woman, you are no queen to so command me. I will choose the honorific our guest deserves. She rode well and without complaint. If you have complaint, await the pleasure of our lord upon his return. In the meantime, spit out that sour grape you so love to suck on, and be dutiful." Hilith says this isn't over. Ivis responds with a command to leave his courtyard and if he hears of her being miserable to the hostage that it will in fact not be over.
Location: Dracon's Hold
POV: Sandalath
Hilith tells Sandalath to come with her to the bath. Sandalath asks if the water is hot. and asks her if there is wood ready just in case. Sandalath challenges Hilith and says she is to treat her as if she was the lady of the house. Hilith bristles but agrees. Sandalath remembers her first stint as a hostage and the horrible hag that made her life miserable until Andarist found out and got rid of her. If Hilith turns out to be the same, she will tell Draconus. A younger maid escorts her to the correct bath, not the one Hilith had prepared for her. Sandalath says if Hilith is her enemy, then Sandalath should have many allies. The maid smiles and says thousands. Sandalath asks the maid about Ivis and if she finds him handsome. She says he is old, but Sandalath doesn't think so. Sandalath tells the maid she feels welcomed by this house and feels born anew.

About me: 25F, 195 lbs (losing weight, down from 245). Meds include 137 mcg levothyroxine and 100mg labetalol BID, for hypothyroid and hypertension/tachycardia.
For the record, I am a nurse. Was working one day on my unit when I had nonstop palpitations and began to get lightheaded. Coworkers took my VS, HR was 160 so I went to the ED. Could not get BP initially but was super hypertensive in ED. infectious workup was negative, EKG was sinus tach. I was discharged on metoprolol as it was noted that when I stood my HR would go up to 150 and wasn’t really below 100 at rest (although i was definitely anxious when I got to the ED, not while I was working during my original “episode” though). I had one other time 6 months later where I was short of breath and my HR was 147 and not coming down so I went to ED and same thing. Outpatient cardiac workup mostly good, holter had short run of SVT, cardiologist sent me to EP to consider ablation but on my longer monitor I had no SVT just sinus tach. My cardiologist initially suggested POTS and my butthole puckered; this was changed to IST after holter recordings. I looked back at my Apple Watch data and noted I had some very high heart rates for years without ever knowing. Since then I follow up with my cardiologist and have improved my diet. I now workout 3 times a week (strength and cardio) and continue to improve my fitness, but I do become symptomatic of the tachycardia if I forget my labetalol (switched to this from metoprolol for management of my HTN). Small movements make my body feel stupid without meds. I am able to maintain my 36 houweek med surg RN job with minimal difficulty but I know what my triggers are and just rest as needed.
All this to say… I am embarrassed by my condition. I am aware of the connotation that comes with having a “SickTok” diagnosis. I don’t want to look like an attention seeker or anxious mess. I am cognizant of when my anxiety can make things worse and for the most part I cannot correlate my symptoms to when I’m anxious. Trust me- I’ve tried. I try to be an “easy” patient but I still worry that deep down my cardiologist thinks I’m a nut job - although he has and continues to bend over backwards to help me. As a nurse I am aware of the stigma that comes with these diagnoses - you know IST, POTS, EDS, etc. I cannot say I am not guilty of feeding into the stigma in my own practice - which is very hypocritical. As physicians, how do you feel when you see these patients roll in? Are there ever times you realize these patients are dealing with true complications, or do you lump them all into one and write them all off, whether intentional or not? I’m just interested as someone who has been on both sides of the field.

I'm wondering why this isnt a more popular method of cutting....because I can tell you first hand it
Bulk for however long, and then do a much much shorter cut, but at alot lower deficit than a few hundred calories. Essentially a fast, exept your still eating as many calories as it would take you to eat your 1-1.5 grams if protien per lb of body weight.
So for example my bulk was 4 monthes and I was at 3700 calories. My cut has only been two weeks si far but I'm literally eating only the calories I have to in order to get my 200 grams of protien in....and usually I can get 200 grams in with o ky about 1200 calories.
It's alit more extremely but for a shorter period of time and from my research, I've seen that the faster your dropping the fat, the less muscle would accidentally be burned, there are a few reasons for this that have a long explanation but basically from what I see through research as well as my own body, the longer and slower the cut, the more muscle your body will give up. After a 4 month dirty bulk I'm shredded after two weeks....striations all over...I can make my felt striations dance haha

TLDR: What do you use for supplements &/ meals for pre-workout routine? Thoughts on just taking citrulline malate and beta-alanine vs a "typical" pre-workout supplement?
Relatively new to lifting for hypertrophy and got started for weight loss goals. Since then I have come to enjoy weight training and exploring the science behind hypertrophy. I say I have only been "actually" lifting for about 4-months with about a year total experience with f***-around-itis and learning form etc. for the remainder. In summary, I got some learning to do.
I've been taking ON Gold Standard pre-workout for a couple of months on and off. Obviously see 5-10% performance improvements when I use it, so I typically take it. Thinking about eliminating the stim (and other ingredients) and just taking 6g of citrulline malate and 3g beta-alanine for pre-workout. For me, this is mostly driven for sleep quality potential as I am often lifting in the late afternoon / early evening.

I have not been diagnosed as of yet with an ED because I'm not at an unhealthy weight as of yet. I'm trying hard to maintain where I am, but people keep commenting on how great I look and how happy I must be. I'm not happy at all, I just want to crawl into a corner and hide from the world. What do I say when people comment on my body? I feel disgusting and fat still... I don't see what they see...

I would like to share my experience so far with diabetes. When one mentions the word 'cure' on this sub, it doesn't tend to end well, so I will omit it and let you be the judge.
I was diagnosed with t2 in Nov 2021. A1c right at the cut-off (6.5), but gtt of 232 mg/dl so definitely diabetic.
My doctor told me to exercise and watch my diet. She didn't mention to lose weight as my bmi was 23 at diagnosis.
So I began my quest to research diabetes. I started from a base of almost zero knowledge, and when I began researching, I found all the typical information on diabetes.
But then, I started going down the rabbit hole of reversing diabetes. There seemed to be a body of research that indicated it was possible. The best situation to reverse it was if you started with a low-ish a1c, lost weight immediately, and kept the weight off. Apparently this would allow the pancreas to heal in some people.
So I decided to give it a try. At diagnosis, I was 6'1" and 179lbs. This sounds like a good size for someone, but I was actually very thin with a lot of stomach fat. I began my quest to lose this fat. I was already fairly active, but I ramped up my activity levels and started Keto immediately (I wanted to lower my a1c quickly, so went the super low carb route).
Within three months, I was at my new permanent weight of 145lbs (this sounds small for someone who is 6'1", but it actually suits me perfectly), and five months after diagnosis, my a1c was 5.7.
Fast forward to the two year mark post-diagnosis (with a1c results of 5.7, 5.4, 5.3, 5.6, and 5.4 under my belt). I decided that at this point, I should probably introduce some carbs into my diet to see what happens. I increased to about 125g a day - adding healthy things like fruit, ezekiel bread, flaxseed, etc to my diet. After doing this for a few months, my a1c was 5.3.
Now, onto the big challenge. We planned an Alaskan cruise. I spent quite a while researching low carb options on cruise ships, until something flipped in my mind and I decided to not worry about my diet on the cruise.
And not worry I did. Although I didn't actively track, my best guess is that I was eating roughly 600g of carbs a day for 7 straight days (three desserts per meal (including at breakfast), high carb snacks throughout the day, hash browns, fries, chicken fingers, breaded fish, etc etc).
I don't regularly test my blood sugar levels. I never wanted the anxiety from it, but I made an exception for the cruise. Two blood draws a day, and not once over 140. In fact, not even close to 140. Was I perfect at testing? Did I test one hour after eating, and then two hours, or whatever the guidance is? No, but I got a good enough idea.
Three days after getting back from the cruise, I got my a1c done and it was 5.2 - my lowest since being diagnosed.
To summarize, in the span of a week, I ate around 4200g of carbs with no spikes and a non-diabetic a1c right after.
My theory, which some research supports - everyone has a fat level their body can tolerate. Mine apparently is not very high. And once I got rid of that fat (which I did very quickly, and before my a1c had gotten very high), my pancreas was able to heal.
In the two years or so since I got down to 145lbs, I have not been above 148lbs. True, if I gain 35lbs again, my pancreas will falter and my a1c will rise because I have diabetic genes. But having lost weight as quickly as I did, and having kept it off for as long as I have, I can apparently go through life as a mostly non-diabetic.
The diet I'm on right now - 125g of carbs a day or so, with lots of healthy things like nuts, grains, fruit, etc - is the one I'll stay on. I see no point in re-introducing cake, fries, etc.. but I have the peace of mind in knowing that I can have a slice of cake at a party, or a potato at a steak house, or nine desserts on a cruise day, and I'll probably be okay.

I had a wonderful childhood. I couldn't have asked for a better one. My parents, brother, family, ... so much love in my life.
As I got older, I started to become exposed to the harsh realities of life. The people closest to me and the ones I loved the most started to get sick and pass away. I lost my dog. Life wasnt the same. And later, was diagnosed with Crohns which had a massive impact on my life and self confidence. I felt like a lab rat.. so many tests, doctor visits, medicine, diets, needles, ... eventually extensive surgery.
Luckily, after years of torture, I made it out ok. I started to build back my confidence, and was optimistic about the future. Before I knew it, I met the love of my life. I felt so extremely lucky to have you in my life. It felt like a dream. I felt that after all that pain and loss, I had finally had something good happen to me.
As time we on, we became best friends. You confessed your love to me, said I was different than all the rest, and you saw a future with me. You expressed how special I was to you. I felt the same way.
We met eachothers families, who became so close with eachother. I truly loved your family, they felt like home. My family loved you so much... my parents loved you like a daughter, and I knew you loved them too. We had everyone's support and love. We were the golden couple. We grew and experiences so much together. Bought our first house, saw the world, new jobs, school, ... Everyone was so proud of us, and we were proud of eachother.
Somewhere along the way, you started seeking outside the relationship for attention. I knew you were very social, so at first, I was happy to see you making friends. I knew you had a difficult childhood and past, and didn't have many good friends, so I was very supportive and encouraged you to do things with your friends.
We were inseparable. Always going things together, planning trips, going on adventures. Everything was easy. We enjoyed eachothers company so much. We made eachother laugh, feel loved, and safe. We were so comfortable and open, goofy with eachother, and always so intimate.
We shared a lot of the same hobbies: plants/garden, camping, trails, video games, movies, travel, outdoors, relaxing at home, ... it didn't seem to matter what we were doing, we were happy together.
I loved making you smile and laugh. I loved seeing you happy doing what you loved, or eating a meal I'd prepare for you.
I always wanted you to have the best. Since you were in school, I provided for you. Food, toys, restaurants, trips, ... whatever you wanted. I wanted to give you the world. It felt so good to make you happy.
You would tease me and hint towards wanting to get engaged. After 3 years, it happened. We were so happy, and you were so excited and happy to share the big news. We started planning our wedding, moved into a bigger house, new jobs, everything felt good.
I never expected to love someone so much. This young woman brought so much love, happiness, and adventure into my life. She completed changed everything. Everything was so easy.. effortless.. felt right.
When we moved into your dream home, things became more stressful. The house needed a lot of work, as well as the property. Regardless, we were willing and eager to tackle projects together and were excited to make things our own.
As time went on, and school/work seemed to become more stressful for you, I was left finishing a lot of our projects and maintaining them by myself. I also stepped up and started trying to take on more of the chores and responsibilities so that you could focus on school/work and still have time to relax. I was happy to help give you some relief.
After a few months, your brother asked to be our roommate for a time. I was hesitant, but you encouraged me that it would be a good thing. He would pay and help around the house. At first, it was nice. However, as time we on, it became more and more stressful.
The stress of doing everything and having a roommate that didn't mesh well with us overwhelmed me. I knew it was temporary, so I endured it.
One day, you came home from your new job and expressed what a good day you had.. that you had the chance to work with a different doctor, and that he was very fun and nice. I was so happy to hear it, since I knew you hadn't been having good days and people had been difficult. I was glad you seemed to have a mentor.
You started to have more good days than bad, working with this person more and more. You started talking to me about them more, sharing things you learned and talked with him about. As time went on, I started to feel a bit jealous. You had been spending more time with this person than me... your shifts were long, and I hadn't been seeing you as much. You started even talking to our parents about this person.
I started to notice you texting him while we were at home together. I'd ask, and you'd happily share whatever it was you guys were talking about. One evening, you were texting this doctor late at night. I approached you about this, and expressed how it was making me feel. I felt that it had started to become too much, and wasn't appropriate. I didn't like the idea of this older married man communicating with my young fiance so much. I expressed that I was happy that you had a friend at work, but felt that it was becoming too personal and inappropriate. You tried to reassure me that you were just friends, and that he was old and married, you would never be attracted to him. I stood firm and expressed that I would like for you to only communicate while at work, or for work related matters. You agreed and assured me it was nothing.
As time went on, I noticed you would sometimes hide your phone, turn it away, flip it upside down, or turn it off as I walked by. At first, I thought it was just me being paranoid. But as time went on, it started to mess with my head... otherwise, everything was good, so I told myself it was nothing. You started to enjoy that type of work and decided to join his practice. I was happy you were able to make up your mind and find something you enjoyed. Time went on. At some point, you needed an invasive procedure done... and you requested that doctor complete it. I didn't love the idea, but you preferred to have someone do it that you trusted. After that, the doctor seemed to be a thing of the past.
As the wedding date approached, the excitement increased. We had everything planned out and we were so excited for our big day. I saw how happy you were throughout the whole process. I couldn't believe our big day was right around the corner.
Our wedding was like a dream. Everything came together so nicely. We had the best night of our lives. I loved seeing you so happy with our friends and family there to celebrate with us. We went on a wonderful honeymoon and I felt so loved and appreciated.
Once we returned home, our roommate left, and stress started to decrease dramatically in the house. I was so relieved. You finished school, graduated, and I threw you a big surprise party to celebrate. I had always put together parties for all your special occasions, and I knew you really appreciated that. After so many nights helping you study, it felt wonderful to see you walk across that stage and finally finish.
You shortly after moved to a different hospital, and seemed to really like your new job and everyone there. Life was so good...
The house and our list of responsibilities and all the maintenance was still a lot, but I felt we were quickly starting to knock things off our list.
One week, you started working a lot... I hardly saw you that week. We'd always text and check in, saying we loved eachother, missed eachother, and looked forward to seeing eachother. When the weekend finally arrived, you had mentioned your best friend invited you to join her for girl time. I realized you hadn't seen her much lately and encouraged it.
That weekend, my grandmother had been struggling. I felt alone in our big house and had wished you were there. We checked in on eachother while you were gone. I was expecting you to return one evening, so I had dinner prepared. I was hurt when you didn't arrive and decided to stay another night with your friend.
When I saw you the next morning, I was feeling pretty down. I was already sad about my grandmother, but also felt like an after thought that week. You were so happy to see me, which was nice. We had a nice evening, spent time together, .. you never stopped telling me you loved me.
The next day after work, I got home, and you seemed so cold and distant. You seemed bothered by something. I checked in, asked if you needed anything, then went about my day. It seemed like you wanted space. I checked in every few hours, and you were busy doing something on your laptop.
I prepared dinner and started watching TV. I encouraged you to take a break, eat, and relax some before bed. You joined me on the couch, but was quiet and explained that you had some work to finish.
As it got late, I went up to bed. You explained you'd be up a little longer while you finished your work. As the hours went by, I thought it was so odd that you weren't in bed yet. I knew you had to get up early... sleep was always such a priority. I got up to check on you and to get some water. You were still on your laptop.. I noticed you were looking at rooms to something. I encouraged you to get some sleep. You joined me, looking exhausted.
We cuddled, said we loved eachother, then fell asleep. The next morning, I finished getting ready for work while you slept. As I was getting ready to leave, I sae your laptop. I decided to check and see what you were looking at... another air bnb for a trip? I was curious. We shared the laptop, so I didn't feel like I was invading her privacy.
I opened the laptop and saw apartments. I was so confused. I checker her email.. apartments. I noticed she had Facebook messenger up with recent messages. I checked... my world turned upside down. Those seconds felt like eternity as my heart sounded and my stomach sank. I read a message to a friend saying she wanted a divorce, never loved me, felt like a stranger in her house, dreaded coming home to me, ... that she loved a doctor.. he's married, but his wife is a lesbian. That was easily the worst moment of my life. I panicked and didn't know what to do... I was in shock. After a few minutes, I decided to address this with you.
I quietly walked up the stairs, sat on the edge of the bed, and calmly woke you up. You were sleepy, asking why I woke up.. you still had about 30m before work. I apologized for waking you.. As I looked at you silently, I started to cry. I quietly said "I know...". "I saw the messages". She looked back at me in shock.. eyes wide in the dark. I asked if she had been having an affair. She said no.. then started to look at me as if I wad a stranger. It was a terrible feeling.
You got up to get ready for work, and said we'd talk later that evening. You left. I was standing in the driveway and felt sick. I wasn't sure if I could make it to work.. but being at the house was making me feel worse, so I left. I didn't eat anything that while day. While at work, I prepared myself for our talk.
When we both got home, you pulled up to the house and started to pack some things while I sat on the couch. When you finally joined me, you were quiet.. asked about my day, I asked about yours.. then more silence. I asked what you needed from me. You explained that you were feeling very anxious, and didn't want me to get upset. You said you were going to stay with a friend for a few days to clear your head and wanted to talk once we were both rested.
You left for almost a week while I stayed in our big empty house, taking care of our pets, and completely confused and dead inside. I hardly ate or slept. I desperately started reading and watching whatever information I could find to help explain what was happening and to prepare myself. I spent most of my time thinking, reflecting on our life. I started tonrealize how stressed I had been... and thought about all the things I should/could have done differently. I knew I treated her so well, but no one is perfect.
Looking back, I started to think about all the red flags. Love is blind. I truly loved, trusted, and cared for this person more than anyone in the world. I thought she felt the same way... I never imagined us seperating.
I started to think of that doctor she used to talk about.. and realized she probably never stopped talking to him. I started to realize that my wife had stopped opening up to me... was no longer emotional or vulnerable... her emotional? affair started to kill the emotional intimacy between us.
I was happy just to have her in my life and enjoyed just being with her... she never expressed or talked about being unhappy... if I had known, I feel certain that we could have fixed whatever was lacking. I would have met whichever needs werent being met.
Were you lonely while I was busy working hard for us? Was she bored? I would have happily planned more outings... whenever I suggested something, you expressed that you were tired or didn't show interest. I knew you enjoyed time alone, so I never felt bad doing my own thing. I figured you would tell me of you needed or felt something...
I was so confused... started to question what was real. When did this all start? Why? How? Terrible thoughts entered my mind... so many late shifts, staying the night at the hospital, leaving early to get the air bnbs ready, ...
I also realized that towards the end, you had suddenly started to listen to different music, got a nose piercing, tattoo, talked about signing up for a sport, working out, ... these were all things I knew you had wanted to do for awhile, but it was all so sudden.
Why didn't you ever communicate... I recall you expressing your concern with my stress, but nothing else. I felt that my stress was reasonable considering everything I was doing.. and knew it was temporary. I didn't ignore it though. I saw a therapist, and started making changes. Was it all too late?
When we finally spoke again, it was so nice to just see you. We sat and you were so friendly and sweet - it reassured me that everything was going to be ok. We made small talk and joked, which immediately lightened the mood. You suggested I spoke first. I expressed my feelings and how important the marriage was.. that I'd so anything to save it. I took responsibility for my side of things and expressed the changes I had made and would continue to make. When you started, you expressed that you would always cherish our time together, but we're set on divorce. That we both deserved to be truly happy. Shortly after, you left.
The days after, you started packing your things while I was at work. I was living in a big empty house, every day getting more and more empty. I was a complete mess living in hell. Her family started to reach out to me and shower me with support, apologies, and disbelief. No one could make sense of this.
After a week or so, I couldn't take it any more, so I moved to stay with my parents while we finished moving out. I attempted to stay cordile through all this. You seemed so unphased and happy... texting me and talking to me like we were still best friends.
You explained that you felt bad for saying you never loved me... that you did, but not in the way a wife should love their husband. That it could be years, but in the future, I could count on you.
As time went on, and the pain increased, I was more distant. You texted more and more. Finally, I suggested that we limit communication unless she was interested in working on our marriage.
As the days went by, you grew colder and irritated.. I started to feel like the bad guy. I know you started to feel the weight of your decisons, and starred to project onto me. Making me the bad guy made you feel better. I attempted to end things on a good note... being helpful throughout the move out process, but you were so cold. It hurt so much... 5 wonderful years tossed aside like it never mattered.
I havent talked to you in weeks... I miss my best friend, my love, your family, our pets, and the wonderful life we built. I'm left trying to pickup the pieces. I feel so lost, confused, broken, ...
The tremendous amount of support I've gotten from both sides has helped a lot. I'm seeing a therapist, reading a lot, eating more, working out, and focusing on my self. The days are getting better, but I still have days where I am a mess.
I havent been sleeping well... always tired. Waking up several times, terrible nightmares and thoughts of you being with another man... I still have believe you would be capable of all this.. of hurting me so much.
I have urges to reach out to you... wanting to fix this, that there must be a misunderstanding... there are so many things I'd like to say. I got complacent and comfortable during our time together. I stopped doing the little things as often as I used to... I never meant to hurt you, make you feel lonely, unloved, unappreciated, ... whatever it is you felt. It's difficult for me to accept that my sweet innocent wife was capable of this... surely there was a reason?? I was just so caught up in my list of things... I was working so hard for our future.
I feel like my wife was manipulated by this man... why does an older doctor (20 years older) have a lesbian wife? He doesn't love her like she seems to think... he is using her. I feel sorry for her... I know there is no future there.
I've done a lot of reading on Attachment Styles, Limerence, love addiction, and other things that come as a result of childhood trauma. I feel like a lot of this has to do with her trauma... but also her selfishness and emotional immaturity. There is nothing I can do. I just pray she figures things out on her own, finds longlasting happiness, and puts an end to this cycle.
I would love it if we were able to reconnect in the future... I still deeply love and care for her. I don't want our story to end... none of this feels right. My gut is screaming that this is all wrong. I just know we both need to work on ourselves for the time being.
One day I had it all, the next, it crashed down before my eyes. Meeting you was the best thing to happen to me... you leaving was the worst. You rushed out of my life so quickly... I wish things were different.

What was once the pride and beating heart of Nagorow now reduced to desolate landscape, with the ancient structure barely stands from the impact. Whatever artillery piece was that, I hope I never encounter it again, added with gov'ness telling me to get away from here as quick as possible.
Easy for her to say, when I am carrying her whole weight while she stares at the sky. My suspender was doing well in supporting the binds of her to me, the movement helps little in giving me hopes that my skill with ropes was sufficient, and though my chest began to cool, my back is sweating from the skin contact with her.
My watch barely works anymore, it ticks in place, wasting the battery inside, but the sound it made kept me company when gov'ness herself seems awfully silent from when I met her first. The silent of the woods and the encroaching night force us to rest and made fire, some more challenge.
The gov'ness brows draw her emotion well, as she sees me easily ignites a fire with nothing but Rylanor's knife, leaf, and the head of my belt.
"I apologize if there are no food to be made, gov'ness" I sat and watch the woods, making sure that I am not looking at her indecency.
"There's no need, Musa" her stammers indicate something, but I do not dare to look "you were- you were efficient, to say the least"
I must be doing a poor job up until now, it seems, no reason to argue with the higher-ups, sergeant taught me that.
"That's not to say you were insufficient, I admire how-" does commander of legions that conquered the stars rarely say gratitude? Lucius' reason for jealousy was understandable then "I admire how you took the task at hand and done appropriately, if not better"
"Gov'ness you may rest, I trust you won't wander the woods alone" idle chat with nobility that never saw their underling will grind my head, if kept going, and so I stand and enter the woods, with a torch, to forage the forest's bed
"Of course" her tone shift to something akin to a disappointed child, but I didn't look back.
When you live your entire childhood in strict community, you'd eventually improvise on the go, especially when your family is a cook, the duty in making rations for my village naturally falls into our hands. Those experience taught you what plants was edible and so are mushrooms. And those very experience brought me back to camp with a handful of fruits, as many as one arm and a pair of pockets may allow. I made sure to walk backwards when I reach nearer to the camp.
"I brought food, gov'ness" I roll a round fruit across the camp, hoping the sound of the impact was made by her "we could make a bait for hunting with this" I do not know the merit in telling her I brought mushroom.
Silence greet me, and for a moment I thought she already slept, but the quiet was almost unnatural.
"Gov'ness?" I called, and when that didn't work, I finally brave myself to look at her place. What I thought to be her resting in place, was betrayed the moment I found dragged dirt heading to the woods "Gov'ness!" Rylanor's knife was already in hand as I stand.
And yet I stopped just a foot from the fire, something is weighing me down and it wasn't bounding me physically. Rather, my own mind betrays me, by shackling my feet in place, trying to tell me something, in which I have no choice but to listen.
What's the point of this? Nagorow and the Sejm are no more, the war is no more, and gov'ness' people will eventually came here and enslave us, brought us into compliance as they sent us across the star to die by the hand of monster beyond our imagining. She indirectly killed Maria, she indirectly caused the capital to be blown by that artillery, and now she's running away even when I tried to help her.
Goodness me, I am beyond an idiot. I accept the fact that I am an idiot, my face instinctively being wrapped by my palms as I dropped the knife, instead gripping tightly at my hair, trying to blot out any of these strange feelings with pain. Was it loneliness? Grief? Confusion and rage? A breaking point in insanity? To suffer all my life and finally seeing the end of it?
And before I even noticed, I already knelt on the ground, hands still gripping my hair as I fought the needs to scream, producing pathetic squeals akin to a dying animal. I want it to end, being forced to fight in a war where I would find no benefit, threats of death but never dying. It was a miracle I even managed to refocus back at the capital, after seeing the carnage, but now it would take more than that to distract me from this.
A loud growl of a beast in the woods knock senses into me, and once again my mind betrays me as it quickly pull the knife close to my chest, even when not a moment ago it thought that being dead would finally be relieving. The roar gets higher in tone, meaning its fighting another beast of its own so deep in the night, even deeper in the woods. Moving from the spot could be beneficial if I want to avoid it, and there's nothing holding me back anymore. Not when a familiar voice of a certain commander that her companion calls mother, suddenly rang between the roar.
Not thinking any longer, I quickly grab the torch and run my way to the voice, the cold of night be damned. Does my mind betrays me once again? Not this time, now it is my conscious choice that I made, even knowing that the result would be pointless. If anything, she's the only one I got left.
When the sound of the fighting was near, I can see the gov'ness wrestling a furry beast, and losing quite the blood. The beast throws her to the nearest tree it can swing, before swiping their hands trying to get past her defensive hands. Now or never, then.
My feet ran first, lunging so high that I was able to hook my arm to the neck of the beast, intending to distract it from gov'ness. The beast retaliate, hooking their short yet powerful paws into my left shoulder, the claws piercing my skin and flesh, before throwing me to the tree. And yet I didn't give in, and with a kick, I already ran to the beast, knife in hand as I made body contact with it, plunging my knife between the thick fur and even thicker skin. I knocked some wind out from the beast when we made contact, causing it to stagger, which I used as I wildly stab across its body.
That end when with one swipe from its arm, I was thrown like a doll back to the ground, my knife finally escaped my hand. The beast didn't hesitate to use the advantage as it jump to my position, intending to flatten me out, when I barely escaped it when I pull a root of a tree and slide on the wet ground. Doing so left me with no more escape, as the beast simply stands and gaze over me, with primal hate and anger. If this is to be the end, then good riddance it finally came.
As the beast prepares to flatten me yet again, something crawls on its back, causing it to roar in pain. Strands of silver hair juts out occasionally behind the beast's back as it assuredly went for the neck of the beast. The face of gov'ness, even tattered and ridden with mud, is still as majestic when I first saw it. She finally reach the neck of the beast, efficiently slitting the throat, before another swing and the beast's head escaped its neck and went to her hands.
The beast rolled over, the final semblance of consciousness slowly slip away as it stiffen the muscle. I didn't even noticed gov'ness stumbling away from the beast, even without legs, she's able to wrestle an apex beast, naked, at night, and even killing it. No wonder she's trusted with a legion to conquer planets and stars, if she can do this unarmed, compared to me, I am a speck of harmless dust.
"Musa, you came?" she finally speaks, her hands grabbing the torch to light up the night "Musa, I- I can explain" she stammers as she watches me slowly stand and stumble across to her "truly, I have an explanation for this, and it was not base on selfish -"
I ignore everything and went to gently wrap her neck with my hands, the pain on my shoulder didn't stop me as I clung my weak and fragile form to her. My barely muscular body to her finely tuned body, hers heating over my increasingly cold body. After everything, she's the only thing I know, the only thing I respect, and its enough for me to cherish it before I could die. Fate was never kind anyway, its a good thing to finally spite it after so long.
"Let's get back to camp, gov'ness" I knew the futility in this, we could die here after wrestling a beast, or she could ran away yet again.
"But the beast! I hunted the beast so we could eat, something for the-"
"Gov'ness, please" I went to the tattered remains of my belt and makeshift rope, tying it to her so I could carry her "let's just return and rest"
"Of course, apologies" I didn't notice the way she's facing and I could care less in fixing it, her breath warming my neck along with her body with mine "I dearly apologize, Musa, truly I do" she wraps her arms to me, more heat for me as I stumble in my return to the camp, the lingering effects of adrenaline slowly depletes. I was lucky that the effects were gone once we finally made it to camp.
I collapse on the ground, tasting the wet soil as the cold night slowly consumes me, making me forgot to sat gov'ness down. I was useless and inefficient right to the very end, and I hope what I did was enough for everyone involved,

40m 5’6 SW 240 CW 161
So close to my goals of 155 to no longer be “overweight” and 147 to reach my high school weight.
Of course, at 161 I’ve been stalled for about 2 weeks now.
Meticulously counting calories to keep around 1200 a day and working out 45 minutes a day, 5-6 days a week.
Just upped my dose to 12.5
Come on body! Break this stall!

I had a wonderful childhood. I couldn't have asked for a better one. My parents, brother, family, ... so much love in my life.
As I got older, I started to become exposed to the harsh realities of life. The people closest to me and the ones I loved the most started to get sick and pass away. I lost my dog. Life wasnt the same. And later, was diagnosed with Crohns which had a massive impact on my life and self confidence. I felt like a lab rat.. so many tests, doctor visits, medicine, diets, needles, ... eventually extensive surgery.
Luckily, after years of torture, I made it out ok. I started to build back my confidence, and was optimistic about the future. Before I knew it, I met the love of my life. I felt so extremely lucky to have you in my life. It felt like a dream. I felt that after all that pain and loss, I had finally had something good happen to me.
As time we on, we became best friends. You confessed your love to me, said I was different than all the rest, and you saw a future with me. You expressed how special I was to you. I felt the same way.
We met eachothers families, who became so close with eachother. I truly loved your family, they felt like home. My family loved you so much... my parents loved you like a daughter, and I knew you loved them too. We had everyone's support and love. We were the golden couple. We grew and experiences so much together. Bought our first house, saw the world, new jobs, school, ... Everyone was so proud of us, and we were proud of eachother.
Somewhere along the way, you started seeking outside the relationship for attention. I knew you were very social, so at first, I was happy to see you making friends. I knew you had a difficult childhood and past, and didn't have many good friends, so I was very supportive and encouraged you to do things with your friends.
We were inseparable. Always going things together, planning trips, going on adventures. Everything was easy. We enjoyed eachothers company so much. We made eachother laugh, feel loved, and safe. We were so comfortable and open, goofy with eachother, and always so intimate.
We shared a lot of the same hobbies: plants/garden, camping, trails, video games, movies, travel, outdoors, relaxing at home, ... it didn't seem to matter what we were doing, we were happy together.
I loved making you smile and laugh. I loved seeing you happy doing what you loved, or eating a meal I'd prepare for you.
I always wanted you to have the best. Since you were in school, I provided for you. Food, toys, restaurants, trips, ... whatever you wanted. I wanted to give you the world. It felt so good to make you happy.
You would tease me and hint towards wanting to get engaged. After 3 years, it happened. We were so happy, and you were so excited and happy to share the big news. We started planning our wedding, moved into a bigger house, new jobs, everything felt good.
I never expected to love someone so much. This young woman brought so much love, happiness, and adventure into my life. She completed changed everything. Everything was so easy.. effortless.. felt right.
When we moved into your dream home, things became more stressful. The house needed a lot of work, as well as the property. Regardless, we were willing and eager to tackle projects together and were excited to make things our own.
As time went on, and school/work seemed to become more stressful for you, I was left finishing a lot of our projects and maintaining them by myself. I also stepped up and started trying to take on more of the chores and responsibilities so that you could focus on school/work and still have time to relax. I was happy to help give you some relief.
After a few months, your brother asked to be our roommate for a time. I was hesitant, but you encouraged me that it would be a good thing. He would pay and help around the house. At first, it was nice. However, as time we on, it became more and more stressful.
The stress of doing everything and having a roommate that didn't mesh well with us overwhelmed me. I knew it was temporary, so I endured it.
One day, you came home from your new job and expressed what a good day you had.. that you had the chance to work with a different doctor, and that he was very fun and nice. I was so happy to hear it, since I knew you hadn't been having good days and people had been difficult. I was glad you seemed to have a mentor.
You started to have more good days than bad, working with this person more and more. You started talking to me about them more, sharing things you learned and talked with him about. As time went on, I started to feel a bit jealous. You had been spending more time with this person than me... your shifts were long, and I hadn't been seeing you as much. You started even talking to our parents about this person.
I started to notice you texting him while we were at home together. I'd ask, and you'd happily share whatever it was you guys were talking about. One evening, you were texting this doctor late at night. I approached you about this, and expressed how it was making me feel. I felt that it had started to become too much, and wasn't appropriate. I didn't like the idea of this older married man communicating with my young fiance so much. I expressed that I was happy that you had a friend at work, but felt that it was becoming too personal and inappropriate. You tried to reassure me that you were just friends, and that he was old and married, you would never be attracted to him. I stood firm and expressed that I would like for you to only communicate while at work, or for work related matters. You agreed and assured me it was nothing.
As time went on, I noticed you would sometimes hide your phone, turn it away, flip it upside down, or turn it off as I walked by. At first, I thought it was just me being paranoid. But as time went on, it started to mess with my head... otherwise, everything was good, so I told myself it was nothing. You started to enjoy that type of work and decided to join his practice. I was happy you were able to make up your mind and find something you enjoyed. Time went on. At some point, you needed an invasive procedure done... and you requested that doctor complete it. I didn't love the idea, but you preferred to have someone do it that you trusted. After that, the doctor seemed to be a thing of the past.
As the wedding date approached, the excitement increased. We had everything planned out and we were so excited for our big day. I saw how happy you were throughout the whole process. I couldn't believe our big day was right around the corner.
Our wedding was like a dream. Everything came together so nicely. We had the best night of our lives. I loved seeing you so happy with our friends and family there to celebrate with us. We went on a wonderful honeymoon and I felt so loved and appreciated.
Once we returned home, our roommate left, and stress started to decrease dramatically in the house. I was so relieved. You finished school, graduated, and I threw you a big surprise party to celebrate. I had always put together parties for all your special occasions, and I knew you really appreciated that. After so many nights helping you study, it felt wonderful to see you walk across that stage and finally finish.
You shortly after moved to a different hospital, and seemed to really like your new job and everyone there. Life was so good...
The house and our list of responsibilities and all the maintenance was still a lot, but I felt we were quickly starting to knock things off our list.
One week, you started working a lot... I hardly saw you that week. We'd always text and check in, saying we loved eachother, missed eachother, and looked forward to seeing eachother. When the weekend finally arrived, you had mentioned your best friend invited you to join her for girl time. I realized you hadn't seen her much lately and encouraged it.
That weekend, my grandmother had been struggling. I felt alone in our big house and had wished you were there. We checked in on eachother while you were gone. I was expecting you to return one evening, so I had dinner prepared. I was hurt when you didn't arrive and decided to stay another night with your friend.
When I saw you the next morning, I was feeling pretty down. I was already sad about my grandmother, but also felt like an after thought that week. You were so happy to see me, which was nice. We had a nice evening, spent time together, .. you never stopped telling me you loved me.
The next day after work, I got home, and you seemed so cold and distant. You seemed bothered by something. I checked in, asked if you needed anything, then went about my day. It seemed like you wanted space. I checked in every few hours, and you were busy doing something on your laptop.
I prepared dinner and started watching TV. I encouraged you to take a break, eat, and relax some before bed. You joined me on the couch, but was quiet and explained that you had some work to finish.
As it got late, I went up to bed. You explained you'd be up a little longer while you finished your work. As the hours went by, I thought it was so odd that you weren't in bed yet. I knew you had to get up early... sleep was always such a priority. I got up to check on you and to get some water. You were still on your laptop.. I noticed you were looking at rooms to something. I encouraged you to get some sleep. You joined me, looking exhausted.
We cuddled, said we loved eachother, then fell asleep. The next morning, I finished getting ready for work while you slept. As I was getting ready to leave, I sae your laptop. I decided to check and see what you were looking at... another air bnb for a trip? I was curious. We shared the laptop, so I didn't feel like I was invading her privacy.
I opened the laptop and saw apartments. I was so confused. I checker her email.. apartments. I noticed she had Facebook messenger up with recent messages. I checked... my world turned upside down. Those seconds felt like eternity as my heart sounded and my stomach sank. I read a message to a friend saying she wanted a divorce, never loved me, felt like a stranger in her house, dreaded coming home to me, ... that she loved a doctor.. he's married, but his wife is a lesbian. That was easily the worst moment of my life. I panicked and didn't know what to do... I was in shock. After a few minutes, I decided to address this with you.
I quietly walked up the stairs, sat on the edge of the bed, and calmly woke you up. You were sleepy, asking why I woke up.. you still had about 30m before work. I apologized for waking you.. As I looked at you silently, I started to cry. I quietly said "I know...". "I saw the messages". She looked back at me in shock.. eyes wide in the dark. I asked if she had been having an affair. She said no.. then started to look at me as if I wad a stranger. It was a terrible feeling.
You got up to get ready for work, and said we'd talk later that evening. You left. I was standing in the driveway and felt sick. I wasn't sure if I could make it to work.. but being at the house was making me feel worse, so I left. I didn't eat anything that while day. While at work, I prepared myself for our talk.
When we both got home, you pulled up to the house and started to pack some things while I sat on the couch. When you finally joined me, you were quiet.. asked about my day, I asked about yours.. then more silence. I asked what you needed from me. You explained that you were feeling very anxious, and didn't want me to get upset. You said you were going to stay with a friend for a few days to clear your head and wanted to talk once we were both rested.
You left for almost a week while I stayed in our big empty house, taking care of our pets, and completely confused and dead inside. I hardly ate or slept. I desperately started reading and watching whatever information I could find to help explain what was happening and to prepare myself. I spent most of my time thinking, reflecting on our life. I started tonrealize how stressed I had been... and thought about all the things I should/could have done differently. I knew I treated her so well, but no one is perfect.
Looking back, I started to think about all the red flags. Love is blind. I truly loved, trusted, and cared for this person more than anyone in the world. I thought she felt the same way... I never imagined us seperating.
I started to think of that doctor she used to talk about.. and realized she probably never stopped talking to him. I started to realize that my wife had stopped opening up to me... was no longer emotional or vulnerable... her emotional? affair started to kill the emotional intimacy between us.
I was happy just to have her in my life and enjoyed just being with her... she never expressed or talked about being unhappy... if I had known, I feel certain that we could have fixed whatever was lacking. I would have met whichever needs werent being met.
Were you lonely while I was busy working hard for us? Was she bored? I would have happily planned more outings... whenever I suggested something, you expressed that you were tired or didn't show interest. I knew you enjoyed time alone, so I never felt bad doing my own thing. I figured you would tell me of you needed or felt something...
I was so confused... started to question what was real. When did this all start? Why? How? Terrible thoughts entered my mind... so many late shifts, staying the night at the hospital, leaving early to get the air bnbs ready, ...
I also realized that towards the end, you had suddenly started to listen to different music, got a nose piercing, tattoo, talked about signing up for a sport, working out, ... these were all things I knew you had wanted to do for awhile, but it was all so sudden.
Why didn't you ever communicate... I recall you expressing your concern with my stress, but nothing else. I felt that my stress was reasonable considering everything I was doing.. and knew it was temporary. I didn't ignore it though. I saw a therapist, and started making changes. Was it all too late?
When we finally spoke again, it was so nice to just see you. We sat and you were so friendly and sweet - it reassured me that everything was going to be ok. We made small talk and joked, which immediately lightened the mood. You suggested I spoke first. I expressed my feelings and how important the marriage was.. that I'd so anything to save it. I took responsibility for my side of things and expressed the changes I had made and would continue to make. When you started, you expressed that you would always cherish our time together, but we're set on divorce. That we both deserved to be truly happy. Shortly after, you left.
The days after, you started packing your things while I was at work. I was living in a big empty house, every day getting more and more empty. I was a complete mess living in hell. Her family started to reach out to me and shower me with support, apologies, and disbelief. No one could make sense of this.
After a week or so, I couldn't take it any more, so I moved to stay with my parents while we finished moving out. I attempted to stay cordile through all this. You seemed so unphased and happy... texting me and talking to me like we were still best friends.
You explained that you felt bad for saying you never loved me... that you did, but not in the way a wife should love their husband. That it could be years, but in the future, I could count on you.
As time went on, and the pain increased, I was more distant. You texted more and more. Finally, I suggested that we limit communication unless she was interested in working on our marriage.
As the days went by, you grew colder and irritated.. I started to feel like the bad guy. I know you started to feel the weight of your decisons, and starred to project onto me. Making me the bad guy made you feel better. I attempted to end things on a good note... being helpful throughout the move out process, but you were so cold. It hurt so much... 5 wonderful years tossed aside like it never mattered.
I havent talked to you in weeks... I miss my best friend, my love, your family, our pets, and the wonderful life we built. I'm left trying to pickup the pieces. I feel so lost, confused, broken, ...
The tremendous amount of support I've gotten from both sides has helped a lot. I'm seeing a therapist, reading a lot, eating more, working out, and focusing on my self. The days are getting better, but I still have days where I am a mess.
I havent been sleeping well... always tired. Waking up several times, terrible nightmares and thoughts of you being with another man... I still have believe you would be capable of all this.. of hurting me so much.
I have urges to reach out to you... wanting to fix this, that there must be a misunderstanding... there are so many things I'd like to say. I got complacent and comfortable during our time together. I stopped doing the little things as often as I used to... I never meant to hurt you, make you feel lonely, unloved, unappreciated, ... whatever it is you felt. It's difficult for me to accept that my sweet innocent wife was capable of this... surely there was a reason?? I was just so caught up in my list of things... I was working so hard for our future.
I feel like my wife was manipulated by this man... why does an older doctor (20 years older) have a lesbian wife? He doesn't love her like she seems to think... he is using her. I feel sorry for her... I know there is no future there.
I've done a lot of reading on Attachment Styles, Limerence, love addiction, and other things that come as a result of childhood trauma. I feel like a lot of this has to do with her trauma... but also her selfishness and emotional immaturity. There is nothing I can do. I just pray she figures things out on her own, finds longlasting happiness, and puts an end to this cycle.
I would love it if we were able to reconnect in the future... I still deeply love and care for her. I don't want our story to end... none of this feels right. My gut is screaming that this is all wrong. I just know we both need to work on ourselves for the time being.
One day I had it all, the next, it crashed down before my eyes. Meeting you was the best thing to happen to me... you leaving was the worst. You rushed out of my life so quickly... I wish things were different.

Hey all, I need some help getting my dad out of pain--and to be confident in being able to do normal movements (squatting, bending over, etc.). I'm worried that without getting back into weight lifting/body weight movements, his condition will get worse.

For context, he's in his 50s, Asian. He's had 1 knee surgery, due for another in the other knee because of a lack of meniscus, and bad back that only gets aggravated by bad/sudden movements. He actively golfs and swims without pain. However, he's lost almost 10-20 pounds since I last saw him 6 months ago--which is about when he got his knee surgery.
His sudden weight loss is due to two reasons:
* Ever since getting knee surgery, his diet decreased due to the lowered activity. However, it hasn't come back to normal levels. The Asian diet is pretty low in calories and protein already, but he's regularly eating <1200 calories a day.
* Since getting surgery, he's overly paranoid of movements that could hurt him. He's stopped doing body weight squats, lunges, etc.
I'm monitoring his calories and making sure he's getting the proper macros; however, one thing that's out of my scope of knowledge is what resistance exercises he should do without pain. We've tried the traditional PT route, but he's not a fan of the impersonal nature of it. I also tried going into the gym with him, but I get frustrated as he sometimes gets injured or I'm not knowledgeable enough in exercises he can safely do.
I personally would be willing to pay for a specialist or personal 1on1 trainer, but I wouldn't know where to start.
Does anyone have any suggestions?

Hi, I've been having chronic pain pretty much all over starting with my jaw, then knees, then neck/shoulder (have a herniated disc), lower back (have some disc bulging), sometimes wrists and ankles with no accidents/apparent reasons.
Have fatigue, all the skin stuff, difficulty sleeping (I can't really put weight on any part of my body without it hurting), bladdepelvic floor issues, heartburn, cracking joints, get dizzy when standing up easily,
I hit all the hypermobile criteria. A bunch of people on my mom's side have it but not her.
I'm clumsy/unbalanced and used to trip more often but I haven't had dislocations or severe injuries.
My issues keep being treated as all seperate/just aging and bad posture from a desk job but it started before I had a desk job and I've been doing pt for 6 months with no real progress.
They did a test and found some immune marks, sent me to a rheumatologist but he wouldn't do any further testing bc he thought there was a reason for each of my pain issues that explains it...said I couldn't have eds unless I've grown up falling down and having major injuries all the time. I was curious if that's the case for you or other people without those specific symptoms have been diagnosed.

I built an AI bot to analyze earnings reports & summarize Reddit stock sentiment so I can figure out if the market is bullish/bearish. I had the AI read through $HIMS earning report so you don't have to!
Buy this stock if:

• You see potential in the profitability boost from the new weight loss drug at $199/month.
• You are confident in the effectiveness of their marketing strategy to grow subscribers.

Sell/don't buy this stock if:

• You are concerned about the high dependency on marketing expenses, which are 50% of their costs.
• You are wary of potential market saturation or competition that could limit subscriber growth.

Highlights

• Revenue was $278.2 million Q1 2024 compared to $190.8 million Q1 2023, an 46% YoY increase.
• Net income was $11.1 million for Q1 2024 compared to a net loss of $(10.1) million for Q1 of 2023.
  • HIMS is now profitable!
• Monthly Online Revenue per Average Subscriber stayed constant at $55/m, which means HIMS mainly relies on new subscribers coming in and current subscribers retaining.
  • New subscribers jumped 41% YoY
  • Marketing is a big driver of growth - almost 50% of their expenses come from marketing
• With new weight loss drug at $199/m, there's potential to increase both subscribers and revenue per subscriber
  • Big players are currently Novo Nordisk ($NVO - $450 billion market cap) and Eli Lilly ($LLY - $760 billion market cap)
• Overall sentiment is bullish

Unknowns

• How effective & safe is the new weight loss drug. They’re technically not FDA approved!
• How effectively they can market & acquire new users for their weight loss drug
• How good their margins are. They sell it for 85% less than the FDA approved drug!

And if you're interested in getting these (free) updates in real time via Discord or sent to your inbox, you can sign up for my free AI stock alerts bot!

I built an AI bot to analyze earnings reports & summarize Reddit stock sentiment so I can figure out if the market is bullish/bearish. I had the AI read through $HIMS earning report so you don't have to!
Buy this stock if:

• You see potential in the profitability boost from the new weight loss drug at $199/month.
• You are confident in the effectiveness of their marketing strategy to grow subscribers.

Sell/don't buy this stock if:

• You are concerned about the high dependency on marketing expenses, which are 50% of their costs.
• You are wary of potential market saturation or competition that could limit subscriber growth.

Highlights

• Revenue was $278.2 million Q1 2024 compared to $190.8 million Q1 2023, an 46% YoY increase.
• Net income was $11.1 million for Q1 2024 compared to a net loss of $(10.1) million for Q1 of 2023.
  • HIMS is now profitable!
• Monthly Online Revenue per Average Subscriber stayed constant at $55/m, which means HIMS mainly relies on new subscribers coming in and current subscribers retaining.
  • New subscribers jumped 41% YoY
  • Marketing is a big driver of growth - almost 50% of their expenses come from marketing
• With new weight loss drug at $199/m, there's potential to increase both subscribers and revenue per subscriber
  • Big players are currently Novo Nordisk ($NVO - $450 billion market cap) and Eli Lilly ($LLY - $760 billion market cap)
• Overall sentiment is bullish

Unknowns

• How effective & safe is the new weight loss drug. They’re technically not FDA approved!
• How effectively they can market & acquire new users for their weight loss drug
• How good their margins are. They sell it for 85% less than the FDA approved drug!

Hi! I’m currently two years post-lap and going today for a consult with my surgeon for the first time since my 6 month check up after surgery #1 (i see another gyno for regular stuff).
When done the first time around he told me it would likely be 2-3 years before i’d need another with how it seemed to be progressing. Well the time is now!
I’ve started declining again recently but rapidly. My body seems to have adapted to my bc (again) over this past 6 months and my flares ups are getting more frequent and worse. My doctosurgeon is great and i trust him fully, im just still nervous.
I am aware surgery #2 is likely and have for a while, but it’s still disheartening and bittersweet. It will help me for another few years and such for sure; but the recovery last time was so incredibly isolating and lonely.
After the first, my hormones balanced or something and i drastically lost like 50/60 pounds; it messed with my head for a good while and took me until recently to get myself back to a healthy weight and be ok with my body again.
ultimately i just have a few fears:

1. I’m worried i’ll have similar body image/ weight maintenance problems, me and bf are talking about moving at the end of this/ start of next year and i worry the timing of surgery, if on the table, will interfere.
2. i worry the recovery alone and time it takes will scare bf off even though logically i know it wont.
3. and i really worry its a lot worse this time around. i had a cyst in december and was told it should go away on its own with bc, but i also know my bc has not been working fully/ as well anymore (which is a reoccurring issue with me and medications, my body adapts quickly)

Honestly just a lot of common and rational fears to have. I try to remember ive done this before and it will be better off in the end but its one of those things that until its done, ill be stressing some😂 I was hoping typing it all out would help me clear my head some before my appointment in an hour. If you’ve read all this thank you and please leave some tips of your own to help with the dress of all this junk! This concludes my ted talk